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Alex wasn’t trans.
In fact, they barely knew what the word was! They heard it in a passing conversation with Jessica, and her explaining to Tim about sexuality, gender dysphoria, and everything under the sun that had to do with the ‘community’.
But Alex couldn’t have been trans, right?
They’ve always felt comfortable being a girl, though others may have described them as a ‘tomboy’, for how they constantly wore plain t-shirts, jeans, dorky glasses, and had a shaggy haircut. They never had an issue with their body…
or maybe they did?
They looked at themself in the mirror, taking themself in. What did they truly think?
They’ve never fit in with the other girls. They much preferred hanging out with Jay and Brian than anyone else. They never cared about perfume, or how big their tits were…
They realized how much they just hated themselves.
From their long eyelashes to their smooth legs, the way they always looked too girly. Every social setting had them thinking they looked cool, only to be looked at as some loser girl.
But they weren’t trans.
They started freaking out. Not knowing what to do, they can’t be trans. They never thought about it this hard, they never knew they could have this option. Maybe it was all an act, maybe it was all something they could just sweep under the rug and never dig up again. But the more they thought about it, the more it lingered. The more they thought about how they wished they were called “he”, a man, a boy, something else. How they always walked into a room and felt out of place. How they couldn’t stand hearing their name and the word “girl” next to each other.
Everything was clicking, and they were scared.
They opened their computer, opening dozens of those “Am I trans?” quizzes. At their grown age, you really wouldn’t expect something like this from a college student. Yet here they were, acting like a teenager taking buzzfeed quizzes trying to discover themself.
Every click made them anxious, and everytime they got a high score. Each one felt like a shot in the heart, what would their friends think? They cried into their hands, whimpering, begging for this feeling to go away. The same feeling that was always there, yet was pushed so far back so they wouldn’t have to deal with this.
They were trans, and they were terrified.
They gulped down a glass of water, and thought about her next move. They thought about how they could tell someone. How they could tell their, albeit it low amount, of friends. They figured the less embarrassing way to bring this up is through a chat message.
“Hey, I have to tell you something.” Alex typed out to Jay. Shaking as they can only think of the worst possible outcomes.
“What’s up, buddy?”
“God this is going to sound insanely strange but,” Alex started, gripping their phone tight.
“I think I’m Trans.”
“I think I’m a boy.”
They threw their phone across the bed. Sobbing now. Everyone was going to hate them. They’re just always going to be some sad, pathetic, college girl who wants to make a film. Who can’t get anything right, who-
They heard a ding! from their phone, and their hands trembled as they went to reach for it.
“Hey, that’s okay. Honestly I sort of expected it, haha. Is there anything you want to change? Pronouns, names, whatever?”
Alex looked at the phone with wide eyes. He was accepting. He wasn’t going to shun Alex out of his life, wasn’t going to cast them to the side, wasn’t going to make fun of them.
He was still being their friend.
“My pronouns. I like my name, I think? I would like to go by he/him, if that’s okay.” Alex wiped the tears from their face, the rest pouring being happy tears, or from the still pounding heart in their chest.
“All good, man. Just let me know if you need help telling the others. Always here for you :).”
Jay’s words left a huge impact on them. They would love help on telling their other friends, their classmates, everyone. They’re so lucky they can rely on at least one person.
They decide their best course of action is to sleep, to wash away their heartbeat, and to make sure they really wanted this.
Alex was trans, and he was proud.