Tablet Toddlers (we're too poor for ipads)

by orphan_account

Summary:

Finney: Why do you guys hate my happiness?

 

Griffin: Because you ruined mine the day you were born

 

Bruce: you guys make me clinically depressed.

-

Our favorite loser trio makes a group chat where Finney is a geek, Griffin is evil, and Bruce questions his life decisions.

Notes:

Chat I remember making a chatfic on my other ao3 acc and it was SUPER CRINGY AND IM CRYINF AND I HATE EVERYTHING, Bruce, Griffin, & Finney r still the bfg trio in my heart tho.

Technically this has spoilers for Villains are destined to die/death is the only end for the villainess bcs I made Finney be a geek for manhwa❤️❤️❤️

My humor is an acquired taste (I have the humor of a middle school boy who laughs at the name of male genitalia.) so if this is lame to you that's why😭

Chapter 1: Finney is a Geek

Finney has added 2 users!

Finney has changed the chat name to ‘Tablet Toddlers’

Bruce: TABLET TODDLERS???😭

Griffin: Are u shitting my dick

Finney: We have not yet reached our Pokémon evolutions into ipad kids.

Griffin: You are actually the biggest loser in the universe.

Bruce: Idk abt you Phineas but I have owned SEVERAL iPads

Finney: WHY DID YOU SPELL MY NAME LIKE THAT FUCKIGN CARTOON

Finney: I HATE THAT TRIANGLE-HEADED SHITHEAD

Bruce: Who pissed in ur cheerios

Griffin: bro is Phineas’ older sister

Finney: Candace??

Griffin: Candeez nuts fit in your mouth

Bruce: Griff…

Bruce: that was extremely shameful

Finney: Bro it's 2024 you CANNOT be making deez nuts jokes😭😭🙏

Finney: ALSO! BRUCE. NOT ALL OF US ARE RICH MY SHOES HAVE HOLES IN THEM AND MT PHONE IS ON ITS LAST LEG

Finney: Anyways, I'm gonna change our names🙏🙏

Finney has changed the nicknames of 3 users!

Penelope: I love this

Reynold: ???

Ivonne: Are these names from that fucking gay ass manhwa you're reading

Penelope: HOW IS IT GAY

Penelope: THE MC LITERALLY HAD A KID WITH ONE OD THE DUDES AT THE END OF THE NOVEL?

Ivonne: So ur saying you're gonna be mpreg???

Penelope: KYS IHY IHY DIE SOBBING

Penelope changed Ivonne's name!

Laila: HELP??

Penelope: Ur evil ihy

Penelope: I literally had to change our matching sibling names for this💔💔

Laila: Huh??HUH???

Penelope: So like Reynold is Ivonne's older brother and like Ivonne disappeared and then their dad found Penelope(her mom dead as hell like mine) and was like “she kinda look like Ivonne!!” and takes her in

Laila: ohhh

Laila: Are u saying u hope I vanish ://

Penelope: Yes

Reynold: What tf kinda name is Reynold

Reynold: Penelope

Reynold: Ivonne

Reynold: AND THEN REYNOLD??

Penelope: I mean there's also their older brother Derrick but I have beef w/ him and he fell in love with his adopted sister

Reynold: Oh!

Penelope: ALSO HE MET PENELOPE WHEN SHE WAS 12 AND HE WAS 18?

Laila: Someone need to chop his dick off

Penelope: ONG so like in the novel they all have diff favorability rating bcs they're supposed to be like in a game and there's 5 dudes and their colors all mean diff things

Penelope: AND DERRICK'S MEANS LUST?!?!? AND IT GOES DOWN WHEN PENNY CALLS HIM BROTHER

Laila: ICK???? EW? YUCK???

Penelope: Anyways enough abt that

Penelope: Callisto is SOOOO FINE

Penelope: ME WHEN HES A RED FLAG BUT IS THE GREENEST FOR HER>>>>

Reynold: Is this why you have an obsession with a dude who could send you to the ER?

Penelope: FIRST OF ALL IT ISNT AN OBSESSION, SECOND HES NOT THAT DANGEROUS OKAY?? HES BETTER THAN VANCE.

Laila: DON'T BRING MY MAN INTO THIS CONVO??? ILL BEAT U WITH MY BAT BRO

Penelope: HE IS WORSE THAN ROBIN. HE CARVED SOMETHING INTO A KIDS ARM BCS HE BUMPED INTO HIM WHILE HE PLAYED PINBALL.

Laila: H-h-he didn't mean it🥺🥺🥺🥺

Reynold: I hate you both you guys r filthy whores.

Laila: Your crush dresses worse than Finney and Finney shops EXCLUSIVELY at goodwill.

Penelope: Actually??? Kys? DIE?

Laila: Billy lowkey dresses like a Ken doll

Reynold: Who's Billy??

Penelope: …

Laila: HELP IM SOBBING

Reynold: WHAT???

Penelope: BILLY IS THE PAPERBOY? YK? YOUR CRUSH??

Reynold: OH

Laila: bro had a crush on him but didn't know his name😭😭😭🙏

Reynold: STFU LITERALLY EVERYONE CALLD HIM PAPERBOY

Penelope: YOU'RE THE ONE IN LOVE WITH HIM AND U DIDN'T KNOW HIS REAL NAME BUT WE DID

Laila: Atleast y'all twinning

Laila: Nobody knows either of your names

Reynold: I'm breaking into your house cutting your dick off and shoving it down your throat

Laila: Erm… actually I don't have a willy

Penelope: HELP WILLY

Laila: 5 dollar foot long

Penelope: mozzarella stick

Laila: baby shooter 3000

Penelope: HELP THAT SOUNDS SO WRONG

Reynold: I wish your mothers aborted you

Penelope: Awh that's so sweet ily too🥺🥺💕💕💕

Reynold: off yourself

Penelope: I'll work on it!

 

7:56 AM, Saturday

Tablet Toddlers

____________

Penelope: Marriage is scary what if they don't read all the dedications to Beatrice in the asoue books out loud to me with love in their eyes and then get on their knees and kiss my hand???

Laila: Nobody is doing that for your 5’4 ass

Penelope: Actually I'm 5 foot 4 inches and a HALF

Laila: You're only that extra half inch when you wear those foam things ppl put in their shoes to look taller

Penelope: GRIFFIN IS THE ONE WHO'S 5’3 BULLY HIM

Reynold: WHEN WAS I BROUGHT INTO THIS CONVO?

Penelope: THE MOMENT YOU STOPPED GROWING IN 7TH GRADE

Laila: The toddlers r fighting

Penelope: SHUT IT BRUCE

Laila: THE HEIGHT DIFFERENCE IS BARELY THERE CALM UR TITS

Penelope: That one inch basically makes me a skyscraper to Griffin’s dwarf ass

Reynold: I'm going to scoop out your eyes and feed them to Bruce's bunny.

Laila: DUDE SHE CAN'T EAT THAT SHE'D GET SICK!!

Penelope: Not Bruce worrying more about his bunny than my eyes being scooped out

Laila: You're one stubborn loser, you'd be fine.

Penelope: WOW. CALLED A LOSER BY MY OWN BESTFRIEND

Penelope: Griffin you're my new bsf

Reynold: Ew no I'd rather die

Penelope: I need new friends u guys r assholes☹️

Laila: You using that emoji is why you get bullied

 

10:39 AM, Saturday

Tablet Toddlers

____________

Penelope: the rage and utter hatred I feel in this very moment cannot be described

Laila: HELP? WHAT HAPPENED

Reynold: Five bucks he got his ass kicked

Laila: 5 bucks he publicly humiliated himself

Penelope: WHY AM I FRIENDS EITH YOU ASSHOLES

Penelope: ANYWAYS. NO??? THAT IS NOEHETE CLOSE TO WHAT HAPPENED

Laila: Sureeee…..

Reynold: Anyways, what happened to you loser

Penelope: SO

Penelope: I WAS ON TWITTER

Penelope: AND I SEE SOMEONE TALK ABOUT SMTHN CALLED BAD DRAGON

Penelope: AND IM CURIOUS SO I CHECK REPLIES AND PPL SAY ITS LIKE A TOY OR SMTHN

Penelope: SO I GOOGLE IT AND

Penelope: ITS FUCKIGN MONSTER DEAL DOUGHS

Penelope: HOW DO I CLEANSE BOTH MY EYES AND MY SEARCH HISTORY IM SOBIBGI

Reynold: HELP ME FUXKING MORON

Laila: I mean it was technically a toy

Penelope: NOTH THE TIME

Penelope: THIS SHIT IN MY HISTORY MAKES ME LOOK GAY

Laila: Don't worry

Reynold: yeah you already look gay as is

Penelope: KYS DIE IHY

Chapter 2: Griffin is evil

Summary:

Sorry for dying I'm just too epic

Also I hate ao3 script and shi ignore mistakes

9:21 AM, Monday

Tablet Toddlers

____________

Laila: istg Finney if you're the one in the last stall hiccuping and sobbing while LOUDLY playing a descendants song.

Reynold: HELP THATS PATHETIX. HES SOBBING TO A DESCENDANTS SONG???

Penelope: FUCK BOTH OF U IF ONLY IS SAD

Laila: DUDE ITS A KIDS MOVIE

Penelope: THE SONGS R GOOD😭

Reynold: Says the loser that still watches cartoons?? Yeah I'm definitely not taking ur word for it

Penelope: One kiss, my once upon a time, if only, & You and Me r peak music you guys r just haters

Reynold: I'd rather be a hater than like the movie series that has the “call us jaladdin” scene

Penelope: PLS I HAVENT EVEN SEEN THE NEW ONE BUT THE FIRST 3 R GOOD GUYS TAIE MY WORD FOR IT

Laila: unfortunately Finn, neither of us want a part in your geek interests

Penelope: lowkey Space Between made me realize gay people existed

Laila: HELP???

Penelope: I used to watch the scene over and over and was like “They seem like a couple”

Penelope: too bad they chose the lame dudes over eachother

Penelope: But like I also had a raging crush on Harry Hook when I was younger

Penelope: 😻😻😻

Reynold: ur done

Reynold: we're tying you up to a pole like a dog

Laila: but he is kinda…

Reynold: BOTH OF U???

Reynold: DISGUSTING

Penelope: ATLEAST HES HOT BILLY ISN'T BUDDY

Reynold: WHEN DID MY TASTE IN MEN ENTER THE CONVERSATION?

Laila: when u started shit talking ours while liking Mr lanky white boy over there

11:00 AM, Monday

Tablet Toddlers

____________

Penelope: how much aura did I lose when I was sobbing and then noticed it was after crk daily reset and stopped crying to log in

Reynold: First off, you never had any aura, second off, if you did it'd be ALL of it

Laila: of all apps, the fucking cookie game?

Penelope: Yes

Reynold: Finney is stupid loser geek with stupid loser geek interests, what's new

Penelope: Yeowch😿😿

Laila: Griffin you still like Pokémon

Reynold: Pokémon is more normal than cookie rp

Penelope: ITS NOT RP GUYS

Laila: what's ur kingdom name

Penelope: Robinsbf

Laila: oh!

Reynold: isn't his roblox user like “robinsbf2731”

Laila: probably only uses discord for the name “robinsbf”

Reynold: I bet he bought the name “robinsbf” on twitter and tiktok

Penelope: STOP GUYS I DIDN'T

Laila: HE SO DID

Penelope: do either of you just have random unexplainable bruises on ur arms and legs

Reynold: bros trynna change the subject

Penelope: GRIFFIN I SWEAR IM GOING TO TURN U INTO CHICKEN WINGS

Laila: wrong animal buddy

Penelope: Bruce being put into a saw trap as he begs for mercy, gets blown up but survives, then gets mauled by a pack of hungry wolves 4k hd

Laila: our little angel😇😁😁💕💕💞

Reynold: Bruce definitely doesn't know how he ended up with our sort

Laila: “our sort” as if you're guilty of hundreds of crimes and highly wanted criminals

Penelope: idk about him but I definitely am

Laila: the only crimes you've commit r loitering, and the law don't want you, nobody wants you!! Not even ur dad

Penelope: BRUCE?!?!?!??!

Reynold: HELPPPPP FINNEY U GONNA LET THAT SLIDE????

Penelope: everyone just harasses me in this group….

12:07 AM, Tuesday

Tablet Toddlers

____________

Laila: I keep getting those tiktok lives that are like ads

Penelope: same

Penelope: and its always those ads for boxers in the tiktok shop with fake bulges

Reynold: WITH FAKE WHAT????

Laila: HELP

Penelope: the bulges r only like 0.001% of the size of mine tho… heh

Reynold: buddy you don't got one

Penelope: NUH UH I DO HOW WOULD U KNOW U DONT SEE ME WITH OUT PANTS ON

Laila: why are you people like this

Penelope: WHY DID WATTPAD GIVE ME A 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 DISCOUNT FOR 𝓯𝓻𝓮𝓪𝓴𝔂 BOOKS

Reynold: better question is why do u even have wattpad😭🙏

Penelope: I LIKE TO LAUGH AT CRINGY ALPHA WEREWOLF BOOKS

Laila: u read them and pretend Robin is ur alpha

Reynold: def

Penelope: CAN I GO ONR SEC EITHOUT BEING HARRASSED

Reynold: can I go one sec without my eyes being assaulted by ur hideous face

Penelope: if u don't like me at my hated child arc u can't have me during my hybrid princess arc☹️

Laila: who's ur dad's favorite child? Alcohol?

Reynold: OW THAT WASN'T EVEN DIRECTED AT ME.

Penelope: *he cries as his soft luxurious beautiful blonde locks sway in the wind and you look into his beautiful jewel ocean blue orbs.*

Reynold: I can't with u rn.