The Haunting in my Heart, A Stranger as my Son.

by Aurora_dreams

Summary:

What if Bobby had 3 kids instead of 2, and the night of the fire he thought he lost them all?

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Bobby had a new recruit joining the 118, except when he walks into the station, he comes in with a very familiar birthmark. Bobby's world come crashing down when he realizes his son has been alive this whole time and he had no idea, and then his heart shatters at the news that Evan doesn't remember anything prior to the accident, or that Bobby is his father.

Notes:

This is an alternate universe where Buck was the son of Bobby and Marcy, and Bobby thinks he died in the fire with the rest of his family.
The timeline is a bit different in terms of the accident to account for Buck's age and for him to have been a kid with Bobby.
And also, Eddie joined the 118 before Buck did because my Buddie heart couldn't try to write this fic without Eddie being there from the beginning.

Chapter 1

When Captain Nash got word that he would be getting a new firefighter assigned to the 118, he didn’t think anything of it. He’d read the file of his performance at the academy and he knew the other had the potential to be an incredible asset to his team. Without meeting him, he knew he’d be taking the kid under his wing. 25 years old was young, and he expected the other to need guidance when he was faced with the horrors and high stress they faced in their job.

It also didn’t help that the kid shared the name of his deceased son, who would be approximately the same age as his newest recruit. There was part of him who almost asked for a different rookie, someone who didn’t stir the grief and guilt inside of him.

But he also felt that God was testing him, making sure he didn’t forget about the son that Bobby had killed. A constant reminder that he had to help balance the scales before he finally moved on. It was that reason that Bobby didn’t protest the placement, because it must have been for a reason. And given all the death and destruction he caused, Bobby felt he deserved whatever pain that this reminder would cause.

Whenever he was home, he was haunted by the loss of his wife, his three kids and the other tenants of the apartment complex he had burned down. Work had become an escape for him, somewhere he could forget and allow himself to get lost in the family he found at the 118. He had allowed himself to get too comfortable, and now he was being punished for it.

God was mocking him by sending Evan Buckley but he was going to take it in stride, after all, it wasn’t the kids fault.

It was just a normal night, Bobby had just made dinner for his team and they had all just sat down to eat when someone came walking up the stairs. He glanced over, just briefly to confirm that their newest recruit had shown up. He had the date of his arrival so he knew the other would show up eventually, so it was much easier to pretend to be oblivious to the whole thing.

Bobby had this whole thing he was going to do, he was going to pretend that he had no idea who captain nash was and the team was going to be in on it, just some light hearted fun.

That was until he finally fully looked up at Evan and all the air escaped him when he saw the mark on Evan’s face.

The same birthmark as his Evan.

He hadn’t even realized he was standing up until he was already in front of Evan, tears in his eyes as his eyes searched the younger man’s face, staring at that birthmark like he couldn’t believe what he was seeing.

“ Evan …” He choked out in disbelief and awe, his hand trembling as it came up to cradle his son’s face.

And then it all shattered when Evan pulled out of his reach, the confusion and discomfort written all over his face.

“Uh, yeah…” He said warily, glancing around at the rest of the team and then back at Bobby. “Is this some kind of hazing? Am I being punked?” He asked, making sure to still stand out of Bobby’s reach.

Given the look of confusion on everyone else's faces, it was clear no one knew what was going on and what had gotten into their Captain.

The look on Bobby’s face looked distraught and desperate as he tried to step closer.

“Evan, please . It’s me, it’s Dad…” He pleaded, his heart feeling like it was being torn from his chest as Evan looked at him like he was nothing but a stranger.

Bobby tried to step forward, clearly wanting to try to reach for his son again like that would help but he was stopped by a hand on his shoulder pulling him back.

“Cap, just hold on.” Hen said gently, steering him back from their new recruit who looked beyond uncomfortable and confused.

“I can’t hold on. He’s right there. My son, my boy . He’s alive.” Bobby said desperately and he reached into his pocket with shaking hands, pulling out a photo from inside with a picture of his three kids, one of which had the exact same birthmark as Evan. “Look. Look . See? It’s him, it’s you.” He showed everyone before showing it to Evan. “Please, Evan. God, I thought you were dead.”

“Buck, that’s what I go by. Because my name is Evan Buckley , not Nash.” Buck corrected and that felt like a knife in Bobby’s heart. “Look, it’s just a coincidence. That’s all. I don’t know you.” He insisted, looking around at everyone now and shaking his head. “I’m just here to report to my Captain for my job but…maybe I need a new placement.”

“No, no. I…don’t…don’t go.” Bobby said and his voice was laced with a heavy desperation as he frantically wiped his eyes to clear away the tears. Emotions he had buried for so long, emotions he had hid from everyone on his team.

Hen was still holding back Bobby from lunging at Buck and Chim stepped forward to help try to calm their Captain in hopes that the possibility of a calm and logical conversation would be coming on the horizon soon.

That left Eddie to step forward to help Buck, hoping to stop the other from filing a complaint and rushing a transfer until they knew what was really going on.

“Buck, I’m Eddie. How…uh…how about I show you around, maybe show you the locker room and the trucks?” He offered, glancing back to his team members and their Captain before he focused back to Buck, giving him a small smile. “I think some space is a good idea for right now.” He said and gestured for Buck to walk, lightly touching his back to urge him forward and away from Bobby.

Buck swallowed and glanced at Eddie, looking at Bobby and just feeling completely overwhelmed and uncomfortable so he quickly focused back to Eddie before nodding. “Okay.” He agreed, ducking his head to avoid looking at everyone and just allowing Eddie to lead him away.

Bobby hated to see Buck walk away from him, his Evan , and the grief hit him like a wave again. If it wasn’t for Hen’s hand on his shoulder, he probably would have tried to go after his son again without even realizing.

“Alright, Cap, let’s talk.” Chimney stated.

Chapter 2

Eddie had taken Buck downstairs, leaving Hen and Chimney to deal with their distraught Captain. They both had matching looks of concern on their faces, never having seen Bobby this way before.

Hen had picked up the photo, the one of Bobby’s kids and she could definitely see the similarities between Buck and Evan, the birthmark was identical as well as his eyes.

“This…this really is uncanny.” Hen commented softly as she turned her focus back to Bobby.

“I thought I killed him. I thought I killed them all.” Bobby confessed, his voice barely audible and broken.

“What?” Chimney asked incredulously, the confusion obvious.

Bobby swallowed, taking the photo and brushing his finger across it, staring at the three faces of his children, forever trapped in time until now.

“I was an alcoholic and a drug addict.” He began, clearly ashamed of it and he set the photo on the table face down, almost as if he was shielding them from his dark secret, like he was too guilty to look at them as he told this story. 

“It was this addiction that I couldn’t shake, every time I got clean, I relapsed again. I figured out how to hide it, both at work and at home. I rented a second apartment in our building, used it as my drug den. One night, I left the heater on and then I locked myself out. I went up to the roof for some air and…I fell asleep. When I woke up, the entire building was in flames. Turns out, I was too drunk and high to notice just how out of code the building was. My heater…burned down the entire building like it was made of paper. Marcy, my wife, was still alive when they brought her out. Robert, Brook….they were already gone by the time the firefighters got up there.” His voice cracked and he sniffed, wiping at his face to clear some of the tears.

“They never found Evan, but the fire was so hot in his room, they told me he burned up. I buried an empty casket for him on the lot with his siblings and his mother, she died in the hospital…” He finished, taking a break as a shaky sob escaped him.

“I came here for a fresh start with a list of people to save to make up for what I did. I ran away to LA and…oh god, my son was alive and I left .” He choked out, his hands trembling as he played with the photo while still avoiding looking at the actual picture. 

Hen reached out and gently placed her hand on top of Bobby’s stopping him from fidgeting with the photo. “I know this is hard, Bobby. But…it doesn’t seem like Buck even has the slightest hint of what’s going on, and…and he clearly didn’t recognize you.” She said as gently as possible. “So even if he actually is your Evan, he has no idea that he is.”

Bobby felt a fresh wave of tears slide down his cheeks as he swallowed down the emotions that threatened to rise back up. “He’s my Evan.” He stated. “He has the same birthmark, and his eyes? Those are my son’s eyes.” He said firmly. “I know my boy. He is my son.” And even if Buck wasn’t actually Evan, in that moment, Bobby wasn’t going to accept hearing anything else. 

“We aren’t saying that he isn’t.” Chimney stated, moving his head to catch eye contact with Bobby. “What we are saying is that he has no idea who you are. And Bobby, he looked like he was about to run out of here and file a complaint.” He explained, trying to get Bobby to focus and listen.

“You have to start slow. If you scare him off before he even starts, you’ll never get to know him enough to find out the truth.” Hen pointed out gently. 

“Take some time, calm down and collect yourself.” Chimney said, sounding as stern as he could while keeping a gentle tone. “Once you clear your head and get your emotions under control, we’ll have Eddie bring Evan or, uh, Buck back up here. Then you two can talk, and you can hear from him about who he is, where he came from. Maybe that will be enough to help you piece it together.”

Bobby sniffed, wiping at his cheeks and let out a slow breath to calm himself as he nodded. “You’re both right. I just…I saw the birthmark and my emotions took over. I couldn’t think about anything except for the fact that my little boy was right there, and he’s alive .” 

“But right now, you don’t know for sure that he’s your son. All we have now is that his name is Evan Buckley, and he’s your newest recruit. And until you know more, that’s all he can be to you.” Hen said gently. 

Bobby nodded at that, just taking a few deep breaths to collect himself before carefully putting the photo back in his wallet. 

“Thank you both.” He swallowed, looking between them.

Chimney nodded with a smile. “Of course. We’re a team, a family . We’ll always be here when you need us, Cap.” He promised.

Hen had put her hand back on Bobby’s shoulder, squeezing it lightly as she looked at him. “You feeling okay? Do you need some more time or should we have Eddie see if Buck is ready to come back up?” She offered.

Bobby nodded to her. “I’m okay now. I want to see him, as long as he’s willing to come back up here. I just hope I didn’t scare him off.”

“Well if you did, maybe he doesn’t have what it takes for the 118.” Chimney joked and he pulled out his phone, sending a text to Eddie to see if he could bring Buck back upstairs.

Bobby cracked a smile. “You didn’t see his test results from the academy.”

_________

After the uncomfortable introduction between Buck and Bobby, Eddie had taken Buck downstairs to separate the two before the situation got to a point that the two of them couldn’t return from.

Eddie took Buck around, showing him the basics of the first floor but it was clear Buck wasn’t really focusing on what Eddie was saying. So when they were at the locker room, Eddie steered Buck over to the bench inside.

“You alright?” Eddie asked as he sat down, looking over at Buck.

Buck swallowed and he shrugged. “I really don’t know.” He confessed. “That wasn’t at all what I expected when I showed up to my first firehouse.” He joked slightly. 

“Yeah, I don’t think any of us saw that coming.” Eddie replied with a small smile. “But it was intense, after all, you showed up to work and had an entire suitcase full of emotional baggage thrown at you.” 

Buck cracked a smile as he looked over at him. “That’s one way to put it. It’s just…one hell of a coincidence. But that’s all it is. I grew up in Pennsylvania, my parents are Phillip and Margaret Buckley. I have an older sister named Maddie. I have a whole family on the opposite coast.”

“Hey, man. You don’t have to explain yourself to me. But Bobby on the other hand? He may want to hear that story, then he can shake the thought you’re some secret lost son of his.” Eddie suggested before he laughed, holding his hand up as he tried to get his laughter under control, shaking his head in amusement. “Sorry, I…I’m not trying to make light of this situation. But, god, this is straight out of a telenovela. My abuela would be on the edge of her seat right now.” 

Buck couldn’t help but start laughing too, smiling over to him. “Hell, I’d watch that.” He replied playfully.  Eddie grinned as he looked back to him. “You don’t have to watch it, apparently you get to live it.” He pointed out in amusement. “And I get front row seats.”

Buck raised an eyebrow, the amusement shining in his eyes as he looked back over at him. “You’re an ass.” He joked.

Eddie shrugged innocently with that wide grin on his face. “Ah, but I’m a fun ass.” He replied cheekily. “And you won’t get to find that out for yourself if you request a transfer.” He added.

“Oh, is that so?” Buck smiled before looking away for a moment, clearly thinking. “I just..I don’t know if this is going to be a good fit. I just graduated from the academy, this is my first job. I want it to go well, and the fact I look like the Captain’s dead son? That can’t bode well in terms of career advancement and opportunities.”

“I know it was a complicated start but I’m telling you that this is the station to be at. Everyone is a family here, everyone will always have your back. Yes, what Bobby did was crossing a line and awkward, he never should have got in your face about it until he knew for sure. But you also can’t blame him. He truly thought you were his son, and once you explain that you’re not…” Eddie trailed off and looked at Buck. “I just think you shouldn’t request a transfer yet, maybe give the 118 a chance first. You can always transfer out later if it doesn’t work out.”

Buck bit his lip in thought, looking down at the ground and then slowly nodding, letting out a soft breath. “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He agreed.

Eddie smiled at his answer and he reached over, squeezing his leg. “You won’t regret it.” He said before he felt his phone buzz. He pulled it out of his pocket and looked down at the message, tucking it back into his pants. “Cap is ready to talk. Are you okay heading back upstairs now?” He asked.

Buck slowly nodded at that. “Ready as I’ll ever be.” He agreed and stood up from the bench, breathing out slowly. “Let’s go.”

Chapter 3

Notes:

Thank you so much for all the support and for reading this <3

Also warning, this is unbetaed so forgive any mistakes lol.

Bobby felt like he was sitting on the edge of his seat as he waited for Eddie to bring Buck back upstairs. It felt like eternity when it was really only a couple minutes at the most but Bobby’s head was reeling as he went over how he was possibly going to fix this.

All he knew is that if Buck was really his son, there was no way Bobby would be able to drop it.

And if he wasn’t?

Well…Bobby wasn’t sure he would be able to handle it. It would feel like losing Evan twice.

When Buck walked onto the second floor with Eddie, Bobby stood up instantly and he found himself staring again without being able to help it. His emotions almost got the best of him again when he felt Hen’s hand, it was enough to ground him back to the current situation. “Evan..” He started, the apology on the tip of his tongue.

“Buck.” Buck corrected awkwardly, fidgeting with his hands in front of him in a nervous habit. He glanced over to Eddie briefly before he stepped forward to face the Captain finally. “Everyone calls me Buck…”

Bobby gave him a small smile, even if it was a bit strained. His eyes went to the birthmark again and it almost felt as if the mark was mocking him, drilling into Bobby’s head that this man could be his son. And he knew he had to think rationally, he had to be professional on the off chance this merely was just one big coincidence. 

“Right, Buck.” Bobby corrected before he let out a slow breath. “I owe you an apology. That was extremely unprofessional of me. I allowed my personal troubles to get the best of me and I am ashamed that I did not act in the proper capacity of a Captain.”

Buck titled his head, glancing around at everyone and then looking back at Bobby. “Hey man, it’s okay. You acted human .” He replied. “I’m not going to file a complaint or anything if that’s what you’re worried about.”

Bobby cracked a more genuine smile at that. “Well I appreciate that, Buck.” He said, sounding a bit more composed for the time being. “But I…I do have to ask…” He started, an apologetic tone filling his voice as he looked at Evan, trying very hard not to let his emotions get the best of him again.

Buck seemed to nod in understanding without Bobby even finishing what he was going to say.

“My name is Evan Buckley, my parents are Phillip and Margaret, I have an older sister named Maddie.” He started. “We lived in Pennsylvania for as long as I can remember before I moved to live on the road for a while. I traveled a lot, going to different states and even South America until I saw that the LAFD was open for new recruits. And now here I am.” He finished explaining, his hands going out to his sides in some lame ‘ta da’ demonstration with a small smile.

The only thing was that it felt like a knife in Bobby’s heart but he swallowed thickly because he couldn’t see how this level of coincidence was even possible, and something deep inside him knew that his son was standing right there. No matter what backstory Buck gave.

“Where did you live before that?” Bobby asked, his voice rough and he coughed lightly to try to conceal it, playing it off as nothing but a dry throat.

Buck opened his mouth to answer and then he paused before frowning. “You know, I don’t really remember where. I know we didn’t always live in Pennsylvania but I’m not sure where it was before that. I must have been too young.” He added with a shrug, clearly not thinking much of it. 

“Can you find out?” Bobby blurted out before the logical part of his brain caught up with what his mouth just said. The only reason he realized he shouldn’t have asked was the elbow he got from Hen for his efforts. “I mean, not right now obviously. But…at some point. Just so I know for sure?” He requested and the sigh he heard from both Hen and Chim made him think he shouldn’t have added that either.

Buck’s brow creased a bit and he glanced over to Eddie, who merely shrugged in response, before he turned his gaze back to look at Bobby. “I can try to get ahold of my sister, she might know.” He offered.

Bobby just nodded at that, giving him a strained but grateful smile. “That sounds good. Thank you, Buck.” He said softly.

“Whatever I have to do to make this easier for you.” Buck replied with a nod. “But, with that being said, is there paperwork I have to sign to show that I reported today like I was supposed to?”

Bobby’s eyes widened almost comically. “Oh, yes. There is.” He nodded, gesturing to a chair at the table, which happened to be the chair next to where Bobby usually sat. “Here, have a seat. We’re all about to eat dinner. I’ll go grab the paperwork.” He offered, pulling the chair out for Buck before heading to his office to grab the paperwork he needed signed from Buck.

Buck nodded and he moved to sit at the table, sitting in the seat Bobby had pointed to as he looked over all the food spread out before them. “This is amazing.” He commented in awe. He couldn’t remember the last time he had sat down at a dinner table with a full home-cooked meal.

“It’s like this every shift.” Eddie smiled, sitting down in the seat on the other side of Buck, ignoring the look Chim gave him considering that was where he had been sitting before Buck’s arrival.

“Really? That’s awesome. It’s like a big family here.” Buck said, looking over at Eddie now with a small smile on his face.

“That was Cap’s goal. We spend a lot of time here together and we go through a lot, so making sure we all have normal meals together, it helps a lot with morale.” Eddie added, starting to serve food onto his plate before passing one of the platters to Buck so the other would get the hint it was okay to start serving himself food as well.

Hen and Chim shared a look with each other, both giving each other knowing smiles as they looked between Eddie and Buck for a moment before going about serving themselves food. 

Buck took the platter from Eddie, smiling and thanking him before starting to serve food on his plate. “My family and I never had big meals like this. This looks like something straight out of a cooking show.” He mused as he finished serving food onto his plate. 

“Cap takes his cooking very seriously.” Hen piped in with a soft laugh as she finished plating her own food. 

“That’s because cooking is an art.” Bobby said with a smile as he walked back over to them, sitting down at the table and placing the paperwork down between him and Buck with a pen. “You don’t have to do it right now. Just enjoy your food first.” He added, sitting down at the head of the table and starting to help himself to the food as well. 

The dinner progressed like normal, just mindless chatter as everyone joked around with laughs and smiles while everyone enjoyed their food. Buck had a smile on his face the entire time, clearly enjoying the atmosphere he had found himself in. It was unlike anywhere he had ended up before and so long as things settled with him and the Captain, Buck felt he could truly find himself at home here.

Bobby had managed to allow himself to get distracted in the conversations everyone was having at the dinner table, it always warmed his heart to see how much his team got along. But no matter how much of a distraction the dinner chat was, he found he kept looking over at Buck. With each look at the birthmark, the similar features, the same eyes...Bobby found that he was feeding into his own delusion, even if Buck’s story didn’t line up at all with what Bobby needed to hear. 

When Buck finished eating, he stayed at the table with everyone and picked up the pen, filling out the paperwork while still participating in the conversation. When he was done, he slid the onboarding paperwork over to Bobby with a smile. “Thanks for the food. I don’t think I’ve ever had food that good.” He confessed with a laugh.

The thing was, if Buck was really Evan, then he had. And that caused an ache in Bobby’s heart but he instead just smiled kindly with a nod. “I’m glad you liked it. I’ll put this paperwork in your file and then you start on the next A team rotation which is on Monday at 7am for your first full shift” He explained.

Buck smiled widely and he nodded. “Sounds good, Cap.” He agreed easily and stood from the table. “Do you need help cleaning up?”

“Nah, it’s Chim’s night to do the dishes.” Eddie piped up and stood as well. “Come on, I’ll walk you out.” He offered with a smile.

Buck turned his focus to Eddie and his smile grew slightly as he nodded. “Sounds good, thank you.” He said softly as he looked around at everyone, waving. “I’ll see you guys, Monday.” He added and then followed Eddie’s lead back downstairs. 

Hen and Chim watched them go, sharing a look again and then smiling to themselves as they got up to clear the table.

“You okay, Cap?” Hen asked, pausing before she went to the kitchen to help do the dishes.

Bobby looked up and gave her a smile. “Yeah, I am. Thank you, Hen.” He answered, holding the paperwork in his hands as he stood. “I’ll be in my office if you need anything.” He added before he made his way to his office, closing the door behind him and reading over the paperwork to make sure it was in order. He sat down in his chair, signing the few spots he needed to before he paused as he stared at the emergency contact that Buck had filled out.

He knew he shouldn’t do it. But it was like dangling a steak in front of a starving wolf, his self control could only go so far. 

His fingers brushed across the numbers on the page, knowing it was a line he shouldn’t cross but before he could stop himself, he added the number to his contact list in his phone for when he got home that night. 

The rest of the shift was quick. The dishes were done, Buck went home after Eddie exchanged numbers with him and Bobby had finished filing the paperwork before they all went their separate ways for the weekend. 

When Bobby got home, he found he was home alone. Athena had been scheduled to work overnight at the station, so he ended up sitting at the dining room table, staring at the new contact he added to his phone. 

Bobby knew he shouldn’t. It was a bad idea to cross the line. Buck was bound to find out that Bobby went behind his back and called his family but without Athena there to stop him, his desperation got the best of him.

He pressed the call button and lifted the phone to his ear with a shaky breath, his fingers drumming nervously on the tabletop as he waited. It only rang twice before it connected.

”Hello?”

“Hi, is this Maddie Buckley Kendall?” Bobby asked, glad his voice held its composure when he started speaking. 

“Yes, it is. May I ask who is speaking?” She replied. 

“My name is Bobby Nash. I’m calling about your brother, Evan Buckley….”

Chapter 4

Notes:

Still no beta so no judgy judgy.

Also special thanks to my rp partner on discord for helping me figure out how to go about Buck ending up with the Buckleys <3.

There was silence on the other end of the line after that and Bobby even pulled the phone from his ear to look at the screen to see if the call was still connected before he lifted it back to his ear, swallowing thickly.

“Hello?” He added.

”I…Sorry. I just…I knew this phone call was bound to happen eventually but I don’t think I ever actually prepared myself for it…” She confessed and Bobby sat up slightly at that.

“What do you mean?” He asked way too quickly than should be appropriate but her answer made it seem like she knew something just based on his name and it made his hair stand on edge. 

”Please know that I had nothing to do with this. And…and by the time I found out, it had been so long that I didn’t know what to do.” Maddie added, almost desperately on the other end of the call, a plea for Bobby to understand. 

Bobby’s heart was pounding, muffling Maddie’s voice on the other end of the phone to the point he had to press the device closer against his ear in an attempt to focus on what she was saying as opposed to his emotions bubbling up inside him. 

“Maddie…” He started, clearing his throat and licking his lips when his mouth suddenly felt dry. “Is he…is he my Evan? Is my son alive?” 

There was silence again and Bobby was about to open his mouth to speak again, to grab her attention when her voice finally came through, her tone heavy with emotions as well as the sound of sniffling on the end, making it clear to Bobby that Maddie had started crying.

”Yes .” She choked out and it was barely audible but Bobby caught it. That soft spoken word was enough to set his world on edge, disrupting everything as he only focused on her answer.

He found his son.

Evan was alive. 

Evan was alive .

Bobby didn’t even know how to process, where to start in finding out how his son had survived the fire and grown up without him. How his son had ended up in a completely different family with no memory of his real family. There were so many things he wanted to ask but he had no idea where to start, leaving both him and Maddie in silence for a moment as both processed the conversation they were having, yet for different reasons. 

“How?” Bobby managed to get out, swallowing thickly past the lump that formed in his throat. 

Maddie was silent on the other end for a minute after Bobby asked, trying to collect her own emotions and wiping at her eyes as she let out a shaky breath.

”It’s a very long and complicated answer.” Maddie started.

“I have time.” Bobby immediately cut in and he could hear her breathe out slowly on the other end of the line.

”Right…” She replied, taking another pause. “ I suppose I should start with the fact that he doesn’t remember you. He only remembers ever being with us. ”

“Yeah, I got that much.” Bobby added bluntly and it caused Maddie to swallow nervously on the other end of the line. 

“We’ve taken him to doctors, had imaging of his head done, everything came back clear. We thought he had been in an accident or hurt himself in the fire but there was no injury to his brain. He was diagnosed with retrograde dissociative amnesia, which basically means his brain won’t let him access his past memories. It’s usually triggered by trauma.” Maddie started to explain, trying to keep her voice level even as she felt herself getting emotional as she talked about everything with her brother for the first time in years.

 “ He knows he was in a fire, but that’s it. And even then, anything surrounding that time is extremely fuzzy for him.” She continued after taking another moment, but in that moment, Bobby felt like there was a knife in his chest. ”We used to live in the same building as you and we were there when it caught fire. My parents found Evan while we were evacuating. He had wandered past the property line and he was laying by a tree, we found him unconscious and covered in soot. They didn’t know who he was, only that he must have come from the fire so he was taken to Children’s Hospital. He was put in a coma on a ventilator while his lungs healed from the smoke inhalation, listed as a John Doe until someone claimed their child unaccounted for from the accident. But no one filed a report, no one was listed missing. When he woke up, all he could tell us was that his name was Evan.” 

Bobby felt tears running down his face, feeling more like a failure of a father than he had in a long time, which he didn’t think was possible. He never should have listened that his son was dead, he should never have given up. But instead, he lost himself in his own addiction and grief, all while his Evan was alive . 

“Oh god…” Bobby choked out, running a shaky hand over his face to clear the tears but it didn’t matter because they kept coming. 

“My parents applied to be foster parents for an emergency placement, and when more time passed that no one was looking for him, my parents legally adopted him and we moved to Pennsylvania for a fresh start.” Maddie explained.

“I…I don’t understand. He thinks you guys are his only family…” Bobby started, his voice wavering with emotion.

“I know.” Maddie replied, her voice quiet, resigned and guilty. “I never agreed with it. But my parents, they twisted the situation, used his memory loss as a way to convince him he was always with us and that he just didn’t remember. And with the dissociative amnesia, anything from that time is just…blurred. Like he’s just looking at shapes instead of the full details.” She tried to explain, swallowing. “I was just a kid too, Mr. Nash. They convinced me to lie to Evan, they said it was for his own good and I fell for it.” She added desperately like she was trying to get him to understand her position.

“You knew who I was when I called you just based on my name alone.” Bobby said, trying to keep the accusation out of his tone but he couldn’t hold it back completely. Because even as an adult, Maddie knew the truth and she hid it.

There was a moment of silence again as Maddie recoiled from the tone but she knew she deserved it so she let out a breath and continued . ”Obviously I knew Evan had belonged to someone else, but when no one came for him, we all assumed his real parents died in the fire. And that was our truth for years. But then I went away to nursing school, we were studying burns and-” She trailed off for a brief moment like she was thinking before she sighed. 

”I guess I don’t know why I decided to look up the apartment fire after all those years, maybe the topic just reminded me of it. But either way, there was a memorial website. It had a list of all the lives lost that night, including Evan. I found his obituary and saw that you had survived the fire. I called my parents immediately so we could contact you and we could tell Evan the truth but my parents got so mad… They said if I told Evan the truth now, it would destroy him and that because you had already moved on, there was no point in me opening up an old wound.” 

“I never moved on.” Bobby bit out, almost snapping. There was no holding his emotions back anymore with that comment. “I thought I lost everyone in that fire. I have thought about it every single day since it happened. So don’t you dare say I moved on because that wound never healed.” 

“ It wasn’t me who said that. ” Maddie replied, her voice soft and apologetic. ”It was my parents. And while they convinced me not to call you or tell Evan when I first figured it out, I always wanted to. ”

“Then why didn’t you?” Bobby asked, desperate to know.

“ I…I’ve been going through some problems in my own life. Personal things.” She answered, purposely staying vague on the phone. “ Dealing with them has taken up most of my time and I just..never got around to it. And Evan and I fell a bit out of touch because of it too.” 

Hearing that Bobby had lost precious time with his son all because Maddie had ‘never got around to it’ had hurt and angered him all at once but he took a moment to remind himself that there was no changing the past, as much as he so desperately wanted to. 

“Was he happy?” Bobby asked quietly, the tears burning his eyes again and he hated the stomach dropping sensation that hit him when Maddie was silent on the other end. “Maddie. Was he happy?” He repeated, a bit more urgently now. 

“ He was safe. He was cared for. And he was happy for a while.” Maddie finally answered and even through the cloudy lens of his own emotions, he could hear how regretful and apologetic Maddie sounded. Which didn’t bode well for Bobby at all. 

“What do you mean ‘for a while’?” Bobby tried to ask but it came out as more of a demand. 

“My parents had the best intentions when they took Evan in. They nurtured him back to health, cared for him with everything they had. And then I think reality set in for them.” Maddie explained with a sad sort of sigh. “I had a brother named Daniel but he died of cancer when we were really young, way before Evan. I think at first the idea of taking Evan in was good for him, but then they started to realize that Evan was just someone else’s kid that they had tried to fill Daniel’s place with. They spiraled, and I think part of them resented what Evan stood for.” She paused again, letting out a shaky breath and Bobby could hear the tears Maddie was holding back. 

“I did everything I could to take care of Evan myself and protect him, but when I moved out and left, it got worse. Once he was old enough, I gave him my old jeep and some money. Then he hit the road. I figured if I didn’t tell him the truth, I could help him find his own way instead. I guess that path took him back to you.” 

Bobby couldn’t have stopped the wave of tears that flooded down his face if he tried and he choked out a small sob, covering his mouth to keep the sound contained. 

”I’m so sorry, Mr. Nash. For everything. ” Maddie whispered on the other end and Bobby just continued to sob. His son had been alive this whole time, and the fact of the matter was that the odds of Bobby ever running into him was slim to none but apparently not impossible. His son had come back to him and Bobby was never going to let him go again. 

His thumb moved, ending the call without another word as he just broke down and sobbed at the kitchen table. He didn’t know how long he sat there, riding the emotional rollercoaster and trying to process through all his emotions and thoughts.  It must have been hours that he sat in that chair because Bobby was startled out of his thoughts by Athena grabbing his shoulder gently and sitting down at a chair next to him.

“Bobby…” Athena breathed out, her eyes searching him for a possible source as to the cause of distress before she focused on his eyes. “What happened? What’s wrong?” She asked gently.

Bobby choked out another sob and he forced himself to meet her gaze. “Evan is alive. My son is alive.” He managed before he broke down into another series of sobs.

Athena stared in shock for a moment, stunned by the news before she pulled her husband into her arms, hugging him close and rubbing his back while he cried.

Chapter 5

Hearing her husband sob in such distress broke Athena’s heart but she sat there, holding him the entire time until the tears dried and he pulled himself out of her embrace.

Bobby wiped his eyes and sat back, lifting his gaze to finally look at her before he explained everything.

She obviously knew his history, knew of the fire he caused that killed his three children and his wife. But Bobby hadn’t told her about Buck’s arrival to the firestation, or his uncanny similarities to his dead son. Everything had happened so fast that he didn’t get the chance, so once he caught her up on that, he explained everything that Maddie had said on the phone.

He wasn’t able to get through it without more tears or another breakdown, but eventually he managed to finish the story and Bobby was finally able to ease his mood. 

“I don’t know what to do, Athena. He doesn’t remember me, he doesn’t even remember he had a whole different family, a different life. And without any memories or even proof, he’s just going to think I’m crazy.” Bobby finished, looking over to her. His eyes were red and his voice still thick with the overwhelming emotions of the situation, but he at least regained his composure.

“Well, you don’t want to scare him off. From what his sister told you, he has a habit of running. And finding out your entire world isn’t what you remember and that everyone has lied to you your whole life isn’t exactly a fun thing to hear.” Athena said gently, reaching over to just hold her husband’s hand, rubbing her thumb gently over the top of his knuckles. 

The sigh of defeat that escaped Bobby was heavy, loaded with a bit of disappointment but also a reluctant acceptance. “I know, I know. But I also just can’t not do anything. That’s my son, my boy. I thought he was dead this whole time, I thought I had lost everyone that night. I know it’s selfish of me, especially after everything I did and the damage I caused, but I need my kid back.” He confessed.

Athena squeezed his hand gently, scooting closer to him. “Hey, listen to me. Don’t slide backwards now, okay? Don’t let that guilt consume you. The investigation determined you weren’t at fault. You had an addiction, just like about 20% of all of America, that doesn’t make you a monster. You were struggling, and then you lost everything because the landlord cut just about every damn corner in existence. That’s on him, not you. And wanting your son back? That’s not selfish. So don’t talk about yourself like that, Bobby. We will figure this out, we’ll get him back to you, but we have to take it slow. So for now, just take comfort in the fact your boy is alive and he’s here in LA, he’s in your firehouse.” She finished, squeezing his hand again. 

Bobby looked down at their joined hands before turning his focus to his wife, slowly nodding with a soft breath. “You’re right. Evan is alive, that’s going to have to be enough for now. I’ll never forgive myself if I move too fast and scare him away. At least in my firehouse, I can keep an eye on him and keep him safe.” 

Athena smiled at that and she nodded. “See? Just got to try to find the brightside.” She encouraged, leaning over and kissing him softly. 

Bobby kissed her back, resting their foreheads together after and just holding her hand. “I know. And I try. I promise I do. You’re my light, Athena.”

“And that’s sweet, but I can’t be your only light.” Athena reminded gently. “We need to find a way to keep that darkness haunting you at bay so it doesn’t threaten to consume you if I’m not around.” 

“I’ll reach back out to my therapist, try and get an appointment.” Bobby promised.

“Good idea.” Athena smiled, squeezing his hand. “Now, in the meantime, I’m going to have a nice glass of wine after work and pick something for takeout tonight, that way you don’t have to cook.” 

Bobby laughed softly. “I can cook, I don’t mind.” 

“Takeout.” Athena insisted. “Take the night off.” She added with a smile, kissing him again before getting up.

Bobby gazed after her, a smile on his face as he looked after the woman who had made such a difference in his life. 

 

Meanwhile, while Bobby had Athena to help him process the phone call, Maddie was left on her own, trying to keep it hidden from Doug as she attempted to figure out what she was supposed to do.

She sat in her room, sitting on the edge of her bed and looking through the postcards she had collected from over the years that her little brother had sent. With a sniffle, Maddie wiped at her eyes and she knew that the place she needed to be was with Buck at that moment. Because she knew he was about to go through a roller coaster, and that roller coaster would bring a lot of pain. She couldn’t just sit there in Boston, she needed to go to LA. 

With that decision made, Maddie began the process of trying to find a way to escape from her husband, and get across the country to her family. Because even if it wasn’t by blood, Buck was her brother, her everything. And she spent too long letting Doug control her life and keep her from him.

Chapter 6

A week had gone by since the phone call and Buck had already worked a few shifts with the 118. His time with them was like coming home . There was no trial period, there was no awkwardness, it just clicked into place like the last piece to a puzzle. 

Buck had been nervous for his first shift, not sure what to expect after the bizarre introduction between him and the captain. But when he showed up Monday morning, it was like Bobby had given up on the whole ‘long lost son’ thing and he had just welcomed Buck into the firehouse with metaphorical open arms. The Captain had taken Buck under his wing, showing him the ropes of being a firefighter as well as the ropes of life itself. And with his help, Buck had been able to cook something for the first time without it being completely charred beyond any recognition.

It was just as easy with the rest of the crew as well. Chim and him hit it off, bickering back and forth with comedic and snarky quips that had a smile threatening to split Buck’s face in half and it genuinely felt like having a brother, even in such a short time.

Hen had a similar dynamic but her nurturing side had her acting more like an older sister, in a way that soothed the massive ache inside of him from Maddie leaving him all those years ago. It wasn’t the exact same, and he did miss his real sister with his whole heart, but Hen had definitely carved herself a place in the spot that had only ever been reserved for Maddie. 

And then there was Eddie. The way that they hit it off could only be described as pure sparks and every time Buck felt the other’s eyes on him, he’d look over and their gazes would catch, giving Buck the biggest butterflies he’d ever felt before. They had exchanged numbers at the beginning of the week and after a particularly long and exhausting shift, Eddie had invited Buck over to his place for some beers. 

At Eddie’s house, Buck had the absolute privilege of meeting Christopher. Chris was Eddie’s kid, who looked like he was a ball of pure sunshine on earth. 

It was only a week, but for the first time in a long time, Buck didn’t feel alone anymore. It felt like all his running had finally paid off and that he found what he was looking for. A place to really call home, a family. 

That week flew by, working as a firefighter was a complete whirlwind, Buck never knew what to expect, but he loved every second of it. He finally got to make a difference. It finally seemed that he found some stable ground in his life, or at least, that was what he thought.

Because after that first week of work, Maddie showed up at his apartment and pulled whatever foundation Buck had created out from under him.

“Maddie?” Buck asked in disbelief after he opened the door, staring at her in complete shock.

Maddie stood there, giving him a weak smile as she adjusted her hold on her bag. “Hi Evan.” She greeted in a soft breath.

“What…what are you doing here?” Buck asked once he snapped out of it, stepping to the side to let her in. “Not that I’m complaining, I mean, it’s really good to see you but I thought-”

“You thought I wouldn’t leave Doug.” Maddie finished knowingly as she walked inside, setting the bag down and looking around his apartment before turning to face him. “I needed to see you..”

Buck closed the door, turning to face her and concern covering his face. “Me? Are you okay? Is…did something happen with Doug? Are you hurt?” He asked, clearly looking her over like he was anxiously looking for an injury.

Maddie gave him a soft look. “I’m fine, Evan. I just…I probably shouldn’t go back now that I left…” She replied and Buck nodded quickly in response.

“Yeah, no, totally. You can stay with me. It’s a small apartment, just enough while I got through the academy. But you can take the bedroom, I’ll take the couch. You stay as long as you need.” Buck said, already moving around to tidy up the apartment like he had to make sure it was good for her. 

Maddie stepped forward, putting a hand on his to stop him. “I appreciate that, I do. And it’s about time I left him, but…that’s not why I came here. I really need to talk to you.” She pleaded.

Buck’s brow furrowed and he stopped cleaning, studying her and nodding. “Okay, yeah, of course. What did you need to talk to me about?” He asked as he sat down on the couch. 

Maddie sat down next to him and she genuinely looked nervous as she let out a slow breath. “About your Captain…” She started, trying to keep her voice gentle and light as if that would help alleviate some of the weight of the information she was just going to drop on him. 

Buck looked genuinely lost at that, staring at her. “My captain..” He repeated slowly, like he needed to confirm he heard her right. “You came from Boston, all the way to LA, just to talk about Bobby?” He asked, and an uneasy feeling settled in his stomach.

Maddie nodded slightly and she noticed the change in his facial expression, which only stirred her own anxiety over telling him the truth.”Yeah, about Bobby….” She said, pulling out her phone and pulling up a webpage, sliding it over to him and swallowing thickly. “We were originally from St. Paul, Minnesota. Me, Mom and Dad moved there into an apartment building after there was a death in the family, we were trying to get a new start. That apartment burned down, a lot of people lost their lives that night….and you, you were one of the presumed dead.” She explained, her voice thick as she looked down at the memorial page pulled up on her phone, a broken sound escaping her.

“Maddie….” Buck started, staring at the phone and his voice sounded lost and clearly overwhelmed but he didn’t even know how to continue, let alone process what information he knew was coming. 

“Your real name is Evan Nash.” Maddie told him, a soft sob escaping her as she did and she wiped her eyes quickly. “We found you the night of the fire, we didn’t know who you were at the time…just that you needed help. You were hurt, and it was bad. Mom and Dad, they brought you to the hospital and then…then they offered to foster you, that foster turned to adoption when no one was able to confirm who you were. You didn’t remember, the hospital they took you to was far enough away from the fire that no one batted an eye. Once Mom and Dad adopted you, they packed up and moved us to Pennsylvania. They raised you to think you were always with us, and they made me keep it secret. When I found the site, and saw that your real Dad was alive, they still made me keep it a secret. Because you don’t remember, they didn’t want to ruin your life. But I…I think it’s just because they didn’t want you to find out what they did. They…they used you to fill a void from losing their other son. And I’ll never forgive them for the way they treated you.”

Buck looked absolutely crushed, devastated, broken and lost. Because everything he knew was just taken away while some things were also explained. Why his parents never seemed to want him, like they resented his existence. Why Bobby jumped to that conclusion when he first showed up. It all made sense, but it didn’t make it feel any better because his whole life was a lie . Everyone lied to him about everything and now he felt like he was floating without any solid ground.

Maddie had tears streaming down her face. “Evan, please, talk to me. Say something, say anything .” She pleaded brokenly, reaching for her younger brother.

Buck pulled away when she reached and he stood up, stepping away from the couch, looking like a skittish animal. “I…I can’t do this right now, Maddie. I…I need some air.” He said, drifting to the door.

Maddie stood quickly, her expression desperate. “Evan, don’t go. Please .” She begged. 

“Make yourself at home. I’ll…..I’ll come back. I just, I need time. Help yourself to anything.” Buck said as he put on his shoes, grabbing his stuff quickly, his voice level and distance, like he was trying to keep himself numb to everything as he just rushed out the door and out of the building. 

Maddie dropped onto the couch with a sob, covering her face in her hands as she just cried while Buck got in his car and drove off. He didn’t have a destination in mind, he just knew he needed to get away. The drive was a blur and he honestly had no recollection of his entire time on the road but he found himself parked in front of Eddie’s house, staring at the door. 

Buck stumbled out of the car, making his way up the path and knocking on the door, the tears he managed to keep at bay finally starting to break through.

Eddie wasn’t expecting company so he looked through the peephole, a bit surprised to see Buck there but when he opened the door and really took in the look on Buck’s face, his heart broke.

“Buck? What happened?” He asked gently, tugging him lightly inside and closing the door, facing him. 

Buck let Eddie tug him inside like a lifeless doll, looking back at Eddie as the tears started freely flowing. “My parents, Maddie, they all lied to me.” He choked out. “Bobby was right .” He managed before the sobs finally broke free, unable to hold up the crushing weight of that information anymore, and he outright collapsed against Eddie, openly sobbing into his shoulder.

Chapter 7

Eddie was not expecting Buck to just show up unannounced at his doorstep, not that he was complaining, him and Buck had gotten close over the past week and Eddie would be lying if he said he wasn’t trying to build something more with the other. He was just working up the courage to ask out their new probie without ruining the delicate balance of his probationary period. 

When he opened the door and saw the look on Buck’s face, worry hit him like a truck and he pulled the other inside quickly. They didn’t even make it to the couch before Buck completely broke down. Eddie felt the other collapse against him and he quickly gathered Buck into his arms, holding him close and upright as the younger man started sobbing. 

He couldn’t help but freeze a bit in place at first, holding Buck and trying to process what the hell he just heard. If Bobby was right, that meant that Buck really was Bobby’s son, and that was a huge bombshell to have dropped on you. To find out your entire life had been a lie? Eddie didn’t blame Buck for breaking.

“Okay, Buck, I got you.” Eddie muttered soothingly, holding him close and supporting his weight, his face pressing lightly into the other’s curls as he muttered a few more reassurances before he led him over to the couch, guiding him to sit down without once letting go.

It took a while for Buck to finally stop crying and for him to pull out of where he’d ended up burrowed against Eddie’s shoulder, the fabric of his shirt completely soaked through from the tears. Buck stared at it, wiping the excess tears from his cheeks and eyes before he finally looked back at Eddie. “I’m sorry, I just didn’t know where else to go…”

“Hey, you have nothing to be sorry for. You’re always welcome here, okay?” Eddie assured, giving him a reassuring smile and grabbing the tissue box from the side table to put it closer to Buck. “You want to tell me what exactly happened?”

Buck took a tissue from the box, drying his face and sniffing slightly before he let out a breath, regaining his composure enough to finally tell all the details that had just been relayed to him by his sister. He told Eddie everything Maddie said, sounding almost a bit detached as he explained it all because it still didn’t feel real. The facts of his past were so foreign to him that Buck didn’t even feel like it was his story. 

“I just…I feel lost, like I’m in this limbo. I just found out my entire life is a life and I have no idea where I’m supposed to go from here.” Buck finished, his voice breaking a bit and he reached for another tissue to catch the next wave of tears that fell from his eyes. 

Eddie listened intently, taking in every detail that Buck shared, trying to sort through all the facts in his head in order to help Buck deal with it. “Well first, you’re right where you’re supposed to be. This doesn’t change anything in that regard.” He started, looking at Buck with a soft look.

“Second, this doesn’t change too much. You were adopted, yes, but they were still your family for a while, Maddie is still your sister.” He added gently. “You didn’t lose anything with all this, Buck. If anything, you gained something. I know it’s a lot to process and I’m not trying to take that away from you. But the fact you’re biologically Bobby’s kid doesn’t just magically erase all your own personal memories. It just means you now have the chance to build more memories and that your family has grown a bit more.” 

Buck sniffled again, wiping the tears away again and looking at Eddie with a lighter look on his face, like Eddie had somehow lifted some of the weight off his shoulders already. “I….Yeah, I guess you’re right.” He agreed, his voice still heavy with emotion but he definitely seemed to be taking Eddie’s words to heart and allowing it to comfort away some of the anxiety that was consuming him.

“And you told me you were never close with your parents, now you have the opportunity to experience a Dad who cares, who clearly loves you deeply even though he hasn’t seen you in years .” Eddie said with a soft smile, reaching out to take Buck’s hand after a moment and squeezing it gently, trying to be reassuring before his touch just lingered and he kept their fingers entwined. “You get another Dad but you don’t have to lose anything. Family isn’t defined by blood. Maddie is just as much your family as she was before you knew.”

Buck looked down at their hands and his gaze was focused only on that physical touch before he slowly lifted his eyes back up to focus on Eddie’s, almost like he was looking at him in a new light for a moment before he nodded, giving him a small smile. “Thank you.” He said in a soft breath, sounding audibly grateful and even a little bit awed by the man sitting across from him. “I…I should probably text Maddie. I sort of ran out on her. And you’re right, this isn’t her fault. Any good memories I have from my childhood are because of her and she shouldn’t have had to carry that weight.” 

“That’s probably a good idea. But you don’t have to rush back. You’re welcome to stay here as long as you need, take the time to process more before you go back to face it again.” Eddie offered. “Now how about I get us some beers while you do that?” He squeezed Buck’s hand again before he reluctantly let go, getting up to go to the kitchen. 

Buck stared after Eddie as he walked, letting out a slow breath as he processed yet another emotion that was bubbling up inside of him, this time directed at Eddie. It was a lot all at once and he found himself glad the other was going to get them beers. He finally snapped out of it, pulling his phone from his pocket, opening a text thread with Maddie.

’Hey Mads. I’m sorry for running out, I just needed to process. I’m at a friend’s house, I’ll be back in a few hours but don’t worry. I’m okay and I’m not upset with you so please don’t think that. I’m really glad you’re in LA and I can’t wait to catch up. I’ll see you later, love you sis.’ He sent and he watched the read icon pop up immediately, cracking a slight smile as the typing bubble popped up almost instantly. 

‘ I’m glad you’re okay, I’ll be here when you’re ready to come home. Take your time. I love you, little brother, always <3’ She sent back and it had Buck smiling just a bit more. He put his phone away just as Eddie came back into the living room with two open bottles.

Eddie smiled and he passed the bottle to him, sitting back down next to Buck. “You’re smiling. I take it that things are okay with Maddie?”

Buck smiled as he nodded, taking the bottle from him and sipping it. “Yeah, things are okay. I told her I was going to hang here for a bit and then I’d go back.” He replied.

“Good, I’m glad things are working out.” Eddie commented with a soft smile, gazing a bit at Buck while he sipped the bottle, his eyes focused on him. 

“Yeah, so far, I just have to figure out how to tell Cap…” Buck said with a nervous laugh.

Eddie reached out, taking his hand again and giving him a gentle look. “One thing at a time, okay?” He urged lightly. 

Buck looked down at their hands, staring again and smiling slightly to himself as he entwined their fingers more before he focused back on Eddie, a soft breath escaping him. “Yeah, one thing at a time.” He said, almost a bit distractedly as he gazed at Eddie. 

Eddie gazed back at him, staring briefly before his eyes dipped down to stare at Buck’s lips, licking his own in reaction before his eyes went back up to meet Buck’s.

Buck sucked in a breath when he noticed where Eddie had looked, his own eyes mirroring the movement to focus on Eddie’s lips. 

That was all the encouragement Eddie needed and when their eyes met again, Eddie leaned in slowly, pausing to give Buck the chance to pull away before he leaned in fully and connected their lips, kissing the other, setting the bottle down and then cupping the side of Buck’s jaw to pull him closer.

Buck melted into the moment their lips touched, his eyes falling shut as he shifted a bit closer on the couch, his own beer forgotten as he put his free hand on Eddie’s shoulder while he leaned into the kiss more, their hands still joined between them. 

Time stood still while they kissed and Eddie only pulled away when his lungs burned for air, resting their foreheads together while stroking Buck’s cheek lightly with his thumb while he still cradled his face. 

They opened their eyes at the same time, making eye contact and smiles formed on their faces simultaneously before they just resumed kissing once they caught their breath.

Chapter 8

While Buck was adjusting to his new job at the 118, Bobby had been internally struggling with the fact that he kept having to act like nothing was going on when his suspicions had already been confirmed by his phone call with Maddie. 

The first thing he had wanted to do after finding out was run right to Buck and tell him everything, to finally be able to take his son into his arms and hug his little boy who he’d been grieving for years. But he was reminded by Athena that he couldn’t just drop the news on Buck, especially since the other was still trying to get to know everyone. 

Therefore, Bobby was forced to suffer in silence and try to come up with a plan of how he was finally going to break the news, unaware that Maddie had been planning her own trip to LA to do it for him. He spent the time during Buck’s first week thinking and eventually he came up with the plan that maybe physical proof was what he needed to get the other to listen to what he had to say. 

So on the last day of Buck’s first week, Bobby volunteered for dish duty under the pretense of letting everyone get some team bonding. He gathered up the dishes, carrying them to the kitchen and isolating Buck’s fork, sealing it inside of a freezer bag subtly and then tucking it into his pocket to bring home to Athena. 

It took some convincing for Athena to agree but she could see how much her husband needed this and she honestly didn’t have a better plan so she agreed, taking Buck’s dinner fork and a swab from Bobby’s cheek to the lab at the precinct to run a DNA test on it.

Then the results finally came in. While Buck was at Eddie’s house and they were kissing, exploring the nature of their new relationship, Bobby was at his own house, staring at a piece of paper in his hands. 

‘99.99% paternal match found between buccal samples from Robert W. Nash and DNA sample taken from fork provided.’

While Bobby had known the truth already, both due to his own father's intuition and recognizing the birthmark, as well as the phone call with Maddie; having the physical piece of paper with the undeniable proof on it had Bobby tearing up. 

Athena gave him a soft look, reaching out to touch his shoulder, rubbing it lightly. “You alright?” She asked gently.

“Yeah, I’m okay. I knew he was my son, but this? This just makes it so much more real.” Bobby explained, wiping his eyes and focusing on the text again while taking great care to not allow his own tears to smudge the paper, as if the reality would fade away with the ink.

“Now you have to figure out how you’re going to tell him.” Athena pointed out, keeping her voice soft as she broke that news to him. “You’re going to turn that boy’s life upside down, and I think you need to prepare yourself that his reaction might not be very promising at first….” 

 Bobby nodded slightly, delicately putting the piece of paper down on the table in front of him like he was scared it could get ruined. “I know. He clearly has no idea about any of it so he’s going to be completely blindsided when I tell him. But..I can’t just not say anything. My boy is here, he’s alive. And I’ve already missed so much time, I can’t miss anymore.”

“No one is asking you to.” Athena assured, squeezing his hands and holding them both now that Bobby had finally put down the paper. “But we should find a way to do it delicately. I think this is maybe a conversation you shouldn’t try to have at work. We both know how unpredictable the calls can be and he’s going to need time to process….and so are you, depending on how he reacts.”

“You’re right.” Bobby agreed with a nod, giving her a small smile. He was constantly awed by his wife, her ability to stay level headed and strong, her wisdom shining through always when he needed it. “Maybe I can invite him here? Make something for lunch and then tell him, and then if he gets overwhelmed he can just leave?” 

Athena nodded at that, smiling softly. “I think that’s perfect. Reach out to him, see what he says and go from there.” She replied, kissing him gently before she got up. “I’m going to make a pot of coffee.” She said, since Bobby seemed calmer now than he had when he first looked at the paper.

“Thank you, Athena.” Bobby hummed with a grateful smile as he looked up to her when she stood.

Athena just nodded again, that soft smile on her face. “Anytime.” She mused back before she finally went to the kitchen. 

Bobby pulled his phone out after Athena walked away, opening his contact list and finding Buck’s number. He stared at it for a long moment before he let out a breath and quickly pressed the call button, not allowing himself to hesitate any longer. He lifted it to his ear, listening to the ringing sound and trying to soothe his own nerves.

This was his son, he shouldn’t be nervous. But there was that part of him, lingering inside, that was scared he’d have to lose his kid all over again if this didn’t go well. And Bobby really wasn’t sure his heart could handle that.

When Buck’s phone went off, his make-out session with Eddie had finally stopped and he was just snuggled on the couch with him, a soft smile on his face at the way his day had gone. Buck was nestled into his side, Eddie’s arm draped around his shoulders at just holding him with a blanket stretched across their laps. It was frankly surreal and Buck really couldn’t believe this had happened, and he felt like he was dreaming. 

His ringtone startling him out of his reverie proved that it was all real.

Buck reached over, grabbing his phone to look at the caller ID and then he paused, staring in shock at the screen.

“What’s the matter? Who is it?” Eddie asked in a light hum, tracing a light pattern against Buck’s skin to help soothe the other when he felt him tense up.

“It’s Bobby…” Buck replied, his voice sounding a bit distracted from his own disbelief as he continued to stare at the contact name on his phone screen. 

“Answer it. He’s not going to bite…” Eddie assured gently, kissing lightly at his temple. “I’m right here if you need me, I’m not going anywhere.” 

Buck relaxed slightly, Eddie’s presence calming him and the light touches and kisses stopping him from getting lost in his own head. With a soft breath, he answered the call and lifted it to his ear, right before the call would have been sent to voicemail. 

“Hey Cap…” Buck greeted, trying to sound casual and normal but it was hard when he was hyperfocused on the fact that he wasn’t just talking to his boss anymore, he was talking to his father .

Bobby’s stomach had turned into knots with each ring, assuming that it was going to go to voicemail and he’d have to wait even longer. But then the call connected and he heard Buck’s voice, the relief hit him like a wave. “Buck, hey.” He greeted in return, doing his own best to sound as normal as possible. He felt like he had to be even more careful since he’d overwhelmed Buck when he first met him, and now the stakes felt even higher with how the situation had progressed. “I was actually calling to see if you’d be up for lunch?”

“Lunch?” Buck replied, almost a bit dumbly like there’s no way he heard what he thought he did.

“Yeah, lunch.” Bobby confirmed after a moment when Buck fell silent on the other end and the silence had him shifting a bit nervously in his seat that Buck would say no, because then he wouldn’t know what to do. 

Buck looked to Eddie as Bobby confirmed over the phone, his eyes wide with anxiety and apprehension but Eddie just gave him an encouraging smile, nodding as he rubbed his back gently. He swallowed and then nodded, even though Bobby couldn’t see it. “Lunch sounds good.” He agreed softly. “I, uh, there’s something I was actually hoping to talk to you about so it’s actually perfect timing.”

Bobby smiled on the other end at hearing that, relief flooding through him. “Great.” He replied happily. “Are you free today? I can cook something here and I’ll send you my address.” He offered. 

“Today works.” Buck answered, casting another look to Eddie and then focusing back on the call. “Just text me the address and what time you want me there.”

Bobby was already standing, ready to start preparing for lunch and get the house ready for when Buck got there. “I can do that. I’ll see you later, Buck.” He smiled.

“See you then, Cap.” Buck said, ending the call and staring at his phone, a bit stunned before he looked to Eddie. “He invited me over for lunch.”

Eddie smiled in fond amusement. “I heard.” He teased lightly. “You don’t have to be nervous. I’m telling you, he’s going to be absolutely ecstatic to find out you’re his son.” He assured, pulling him back against his side to hold him. 

Buck easily settled in his arms and in such a short time period, it had quickly become one of his favorite spots to be. “I hope you’re right.”

“I know I am. Now try to relax, you have a few hours before you go to lunch and I’m not ready to let you go yet.” Eddie smiled, kissing him softly before settling on the couch with him more, just snuggling and turning the tv back on. 

Buck smiled, focusing on relaxing in Eddie’s arms and watching the show, trying to calm his nerves before the lunch where he had to tell Bobby the truth.

Chapter 9

Notes:

Still no beta, just doing my best (:

Buck stood nervously outside of the door, wringing his hands in front of him as he worked up the courage to knock. His heart was pounding and his stomach was in knots. It was just lunch but Buck knew he’d have to tell the truth, this wasn’t something that he could keep to himself, and yet he had no idea how to say it.

How do you tell your new boss that he was right and that Buck really was his long lost, not actually dead son, with no memory of him at all? Not easily, that’s for sure. Buck couldn’t even find the words.

Eventually he managed to contain his nerves long enough to do the first step, holding his breath as he finally knocked on the door. The sound rattled his nerves all over again and Buck had to wonder if it was too late to just run.

The answer was yes as the door swung open quickly and Bobby stood in the doorway. Somehow his captain looked just as nervous as Buck felt.

“Hello Buck.” Bobby greeted with a small smile, opening the door all the way, stepping out of the way. “Here, come in. Please, make yourself at home.” 

“Thanks.” Buck replied, his voice soft and he fidgeted his hands in front of himself again as he walked inside, looking around the house briefly with a curious expression. “I’m not going to lie, I was a bit surprised by the lunch invite but…the timing was great. There was something I was actually hoping to talk to you about..”

Bobby closed the door behind him, looking at Buck with surprise coloring his expression. “Really? Okay, yeah. You can talk to me about anything.” He assured easily, leading Buck down the few stairs to the dining room table. “Have a seat, lunch is almost done. You want something to drink?” He offered, moving about the kitchen like he was trying to make sure everything was perfect.

Buck sat down in one of the chairs at the table. “Water is fine, thanks.” He replied, shifting a bit in his seat.

Bobby nodded and he quickly moved, getting a glass to fill with ice and water, bringing it over to Buck once he was done. “Of course.” He went back behind the counter, focusing on plating lunch while he looked over to Buck. “I’ll be honest, there was something I wanted to talk to you about too.”

Buck looked up quickly at that and as if he didn’t already have anxiety about the whole ‘hey, I actually am your son!’ thing, now he had whatever Bobby was going to say to worry about too. “Did I do something at work?” He asked.

Bobby picked up the plates of food, bringing them to the table and setting them down, one in front of Buck and one for himself as he settled in his seat. “What? No. You’ve been doing great at work, don’t worry.” He reassured, looking over to him. “It’s a bit more of a personal thing that I wanted to talk about.

Buck slowly nodded at that and now he had really no idea what this was going to be about but at least he didn’t have to worry about his job. Or at least he hoped. He knew what Bobby would do once he found out his son was working for him, that might be one hell of a conflict of interest. “Okay, what is it?” He asked, picking up his fork, poking at his food with it to scoop up a bite, putting it into his mouth and humming a bit at the taste before he put his focus back to Bobby.

Bobby smiled a fraction when it was clear Buck enjoyed the food, a warm flood of pride filling him from that. He started eating as well, shaking his head slightly and then gesturing to Buck. “You go first. What’s on your mind, Buck?” he asked, knowing that once he broke his own news to the younger man, it would definitely take over their lunch and he wanted Buck to clear his chest first so that whatever it was got addressed.

Buck clearly looked beyond nervous, pushing the food around on his plate more and shaking his head. “It…it can wait. You go first.” He tried, hoping he could delay it as long as possible.

Bobby gave him an encouraging look. “I insist. Tell me what it is.” He urged again. 

Buck swallowed thickly, feeling like he had a lump in his throat now and his heartbeat was pounding in his ears as he managed a shaky nod. “Okay..” He agreed and he fell silent for a moment, trying to figure out where to start. “I…uh…my sister came into town. I haven’t seen her in years and she just came here out of the blue, needing to talk to me…about you.”  

Bobby dropped his fork, his expression paling and his eyes widening a fraction. The phone call he had with Maddie rapidly played through his head, forcing him to briefly relieve the entire conversation as he sat across Buck. “Oh, god. Buck…I’m so sorry. I didn’t even think…” He started and then just as quickly stopped when he saw the look of confusion flash across Buck’s face. 

“Think about what?” Buck frowned, a lost and confused look on his face. “Why are you sorry?” 

Bobby sighed and he ran a hand across his face. “I swear, this isn’t how I wanted you to find out.” He muttered and he reached into his pocket, pulling out a folded piece of paper with tons of creases from the repeated unfolding and refolding Bobby had done to it, repeatedly checking it all morning like he was scared the results would change. He quietly passed the paper over to Buck after he opened it up, watching him with a nervous look. 

Buck took the paper slowly, his brows drawn together as he looked to Bobby and then he looked down to the words on the paper, his eyebrows raising slightly instead, his eyes widening a fraction as he looked at the words. “You ran a DNA test on me?” He asked, looking up quickly. 

Bobby nodded, his jaw tightening for a moment and he looked a bit sheepish before he let out a slow breath. “That’s not the only line I crossed either. Buck..” he trailed off, sighing at himself. “I also called your sister. The night after you first started, I just…I couldn’t shake it. You looked so much like my boy and I couldn’t let it go. I should have, I know that, and I’m sorry for how I handled it. But I don’t regret it.” He said, looking to Buck fully to make eye contact. “You’re my son.” He finished, tears filling his eyes.

Buck swallowed thickly and he nodded a fraction, tears forming in his eyes too as he looked back to Bobby. “I know.” He replied, his voice wavering. “Maddie told me everything. It’s a little hard to believe but she wouldn’t lie to me. And now this?” He gestured to the DNA results on the table, letting out a shaky breath. “Now there really is no doubt. And I don’t know how to begin wrapping my head around it because I don’t remember anything. I don’t remember you .” 

Bobby’s heart broke at seeing the expression on Buck’s face, his son’s face. He knew this would be overwhelming for the other to process and he planned on being there every step of the way for him. He’d missed enough of his son’s life, he didn’t want to miss anything else. “I didn’t think you would. Ev..Buck..” He corrected quickly, shaking it off. “You were young when the fire happened, and for someone your age, that’s extremely traumatic. Between both of those, it’s understandable you can’t access those memories anymore. And that’s okay. I’m just beyond grateful that I have you sitting here across from me.” 

Buck felt even more tears form in his eyes, one blink causing them all to cascade down his face. He stubbornly wiped at his cheeks, trying to dry them. “You don’t even know me. You just know we share the same DNA. Whatever kid you remember, I’m not him. Not anymore.” 

Bobby’s heart was now on the verge of completely shattering, just seeing how distraught the other was, being controlled by whatever insecurities the Buckley’s developed inside him. He got up from his spot on the table, walking around to the side that Buck was on and sitting in the chair next to him instead. “None of that matters.” He reassured softly, cupping the side of Buck’s face gently, brushing away the tears and giving him a watery smile. “You’re my boy. For years, I thought you were dead. I’m just overjoyed to have you here, alive . Because now I get the honor of getting to know the man you grew up to be.” 

Buck sniffled a bit, looking at him with shining eyes. “You say that like I’ve actually grown up.” He replied back lightly, trying to joke to lighten the mood a fraction, and distract himself from the emotions building inside of him. 

“Well in that case, I’d still get to see you grow up in a way.” Bobby smiled, his gaze soft as he looked at Buck, still holding his face and lightly brushing his birthmark. “But most of all, I just want you. Whether that’s Buck, Evan Buckley, or Evan Nash. I don’t care. All I know is that I don’t think I can handle losing you again.” He confessed. 

“You won’t.” Buck answered back, giving him a watery smile of his own. “Out of everywhere I’ve run away too, this is the first place I’ve ever felt like I belong. A place it feels like I’m meant to be. That’s not something I want to give up.”

Bobby’s smile grew a fraction and he nodded with a soft look on his face. “You won’t have to. You’ll always be welcome here and I’m going to do whatever I can to make sure this isn’t just somewhere you feel like you belong, but somewhere that becomes home .” He promised, his hand falling from where it was cupping Buck’s face and instead moving to pull him into a hug. And the moment Bobby had his son in his arms, tears filled his eyes and he had to fight to keep his composure, tightening his grip just a fraction as he cherished the moment he had missed out on for so many years. Something he never thought he’d get to do again.

Buck was a bit surprised when he was pulled into the hug, but he found himself relaxing instantly into the embrace, hugging Bobby back as another wave of tears fell, dripping onto Bobby’s shirt and wetting the fabric. In all his years with the Buckleys, neither of his ‘parents’ ever hugged him like this. A hug where without words, Buck could just feel the love and it was almost overwhelming. But in a way, it also healed a deep part inside of him, something he didn’t even realize was broken.