Blowing Winds, Vanishing Memories

by Cup1dxzs

Summary:

Being the lapdog of the Eleventh Harbinger was never exactly on your bucket list. Not when he's constantly making your life more difficult, but what happens when you're handed over to the Sixth of the Fatui Harbingers whose temper is never to be quelled?

It seems the two of you have quite the long history, though you're not exactly privy to that.

Chapter 1: Snezhnaya's Winds Will Blow

Exceptional.

 

One word you’d hear all your life, especially when it came to describing your talent. The word tasted bitter in your mouth, as if you were forced to eat a Qingxin flower. It was always a punch to the gut, never good enough your mind would scream 

 

Talent.  

 

Another word you fucking hated, you didn’t have talent and you weren’t born with some god gifted skill. Misfortune followed you as a child and pain shaped you, you weren’t born with talent, but you learned skill. Life was a bitch, especially after you got your damned vision.  

 

It was a cryo vision, the small object earned after the worst night of your life, war and conflict terrorized your small town while you desperately tried to help the other children smaller than you and you are not that much bigger yourself. The way their eyes were wide with trauma that would have haunted you had you not been distracted trying to move them away from the fire and fighting, until you were cornered. 

 

The local Nobushi had moved from their usual point on the outskirts of town and now inside as they wreaked havoc, the attack was unnecessary in your eyes as the town had provided them with supplies time and time again. What was their purpose here? All this simply for the gain of mora? Or rather something entirely else?

 

You didn’t want to fight but with most of the town's children cowering behind you, you were left with no choice. By no means were you strong, you had done farmwork for the majority of your life, but you had successfully managed to hold your own to a certain extent. Hope welling in your chest as you truly believed you could finally be the hero of the story for one time in your life, until you felt a searing pain in your lower abdomen. Stabbed. 

 

Powerless against your own mortality you fell to the floor, watching this monster from hell approach the crying children. Desperately trying to think of anything to do, you felt life draining from you rapidly as it coated your hands and body with a sick warmth and metallic smell. Your body was ready to give up, ready to die. That was until you had heard the scream of one of the children, looking up you saw that a ronin had grasped one of the girls by the hair while she screamed and wailed for what you’d assume was her mother. 

 

Pain sent shockwaves through your body as your body began to move on its own, grabbing a sword that had been dropped by the ronin when he no longer considered you a threat. You could pass peacefully when the children were safe, taking a short, bated breath was painful but even then, you persevered and snuck behind him. 

 

Raising the sword you took a quick swing, the pain was unbearable by then but the warmth of his blood that sprayed out was a strange form of comfort, hearing the thud as his now headless body hit the floor with his head following shortly after. The children's screams broke the silence as they witnessed the gore, the ringing in your ears was loud as you tuned them out.

‘Why is it so cold…?’ You thought as you barely processed what appeared to be snow falling, frost covering your fingertips as the sword you used looked sharp and sleek. Ice had added a layer that made the dull blade not only longer but probably sharper than any sword you’d lay your hands on. 

 

Then you passed out. 

___________________________________________________________________________________________________ 

 

“There you are Y/N, I’ve been looking for you!” A voice called out, snapping you from your train of thoughts. How long have you been out here? Long enough as you felt the tips of your fingertips begin to go numb, Snezhnaya’s cold tundra expanded on seemingly forever. Oftentimes you’d find yourself out here away from the other Fatui members, but it was different when the 11th Fatui Harbinger was calling your name like some dog that had gotten loose. He was essentially your boss and you, his lovely little assistant but you felt the term lapdog fit the job much better. It disgusted you to know how hard you fought for this title only to be reduced to something as pathetic as this, not that you’d ever say it aloud. 

 

“Yes sir.” Standing up immediately in his presence, you straightened out even as it hurt your joints from suddenly getting up after being in a crouched position for so long. Formalities were a very big thing when it came to the Harbingers, even if he held a more laid-back personality, you knew he was not to be fucked with. 

 

“What did I say about calling me sir? You can call me Childe y’know…” Childe grumbled something about how the honorific term made him feel old, you always wondered how old he actually was? It wasn’t like you could ask, you could realistically, but you preferred your head on your body.   

 

“Yes sir- er- Childe.” In your words his smirk only worked to grow bigger, he had that familiar gleam in his eye that never really told you anything other than the fact that he wanted something. Reading him was always a pain in the ass because of how he never really showed how he felt, don’t get it wrong though. Childe was just as arrogant and cocky as the other Harbingers, but he was the only Harbinger that didn’t make it feel like he was going to rip out your eyeball for breathing the wrong way. 

 

In a way you were sort of lucky to be placed as his assistant, unlike many of the Harbingers who deemed your job as a waste of space. 

 

“What do you require?” Wording it carefully because the last time you asked him what he wanted, he made you spar with him until you physically couldn’t hold your eyes open anymore. He was a prick like that, it was like you were constantly walking on eggshells but at this point you were really good at it, save for the occasional slip up. Clenching your fists slightly with the hopes of getting some blood flow into them and having some sort of feeling in your hands, cursing yourself for taking such a simple thing for granted. 

 

“Don’t be so cold Y/N! You're freezing my heart over here, anyways I came to speak with you about my latest mission assigned from the Tsaritsa herself. Completely confidential as always.” He wrapped his arm around your frigid shoulder, urging you to walk along with him and you following. Man, he really got on your nerves without even trying, then again everyone pissed you off, so he wasn’t too special.  

 

Choosing to nod your head without replying to his annoying antics, you slightly wondered why he was telling you about the mission instead of just dragging you along as he typically did. Maybe he was finally changing for the better, not. He definitely had something up his sleeve and was just probably throwing you into it without any information on what the hell you were supposed to be doing, you were still considerably pissed when he told you to infiltrate a camp. Assuming it was treasure hoarders only to get your ass beat by a disgusting amount of hilichurls, where then he just proceeded to say ‘Whoops.’ at the sight of your disheveled state. 

 

He was a dick.  

 

“C’mon you’re seriously not gonna ask me what the mission is?” Childe’s loud whining that was comparable to, like his name ensues, a child. You flinched at the volume and the fact he did it right in your ear spotting the grin that came from him as he was satisfied with his disturbance. 

 

“What’s the mission?” Physically having to repress letting out a sigh. 

 

“It’s confidential.” He grinned.  

 

Was quitting still an option? 

 

“Oh-” — “I’m going to Liyue in an attempt to take the Geo Archon’s Gnosis!” He loudly interrupted you but you were mostly distracted by the fact of what he told you, it was surprising that they’d send him off of all people considering his actual position within the harbingers and the fact he was just annoying as shit. Then again why was he bothering to tell you? Did this mean that you were finally able to come on a mission you’d considered worthwhile? 

 

Excitement bubbled in your gut as you silently thought of what this mission would include, you had a vague understanding of why they needed the Gnosis either by word of mouth from the other Fatui members or simply Childe telling you himself because of his loudmouth that never seemed to be able to keep anything to himself. 

 

“Am I tagging along in this mission?” It would be too bold to automatically assume that you were even going to be allowed anywhere near the mission plans, but even now a huge part of you was hoping that he’d say yes. Maybe then you wouldn’t feel like a walking corpse most of the time, especially since you were stationed in the freezing weather of Snezhnaya because even with all the clothes you’d carefully layer onto your body every morning it still felt like you walked outside with no clothes at all.

 

Looking towards Childe slightly as he still had his arm around your shoulder and led you to God knows where, he gave you a small smile even with the smile he usually had, did he ever really stop? You never paid too much attention to finer details such as that. Even with his smile that never exactly seemed to meet his eyes, you still waited for his words of confirmation. Were you actually able to go? You’ve never been to Liyue but you’ve heard of it from the other Fatui members, everyone always had their own story to tell just like you but unlike them you were never too keen on sharing your background. 

 

“No. I was actually going to speak to you about this, you’re not coming with me for the mission—bummer I know—but!” Your interest was immediately lost at his words, you pretty much deflated immediately upon his news, there was nothing else you wanted to hear. Especially from him, it was always somewhat pleasant news or the worst-case scenario that your mind would think of right when you were about to do something slightly risky only ten times worse. 

 

Childe snapped his fingers in your face slightly to grab your attention, taking note about how you immediately began to sulk upon realizing that you weren’t allowed to come on the mission. He found it amusing so he’d let it slip for the time being. Ignoring the fact that you actually believed that you’d be able to go on such an important mission. 

 

“The good news being you’ll be appointed under another Harbinger during my absence.” He spoke. 

 

‘I’m definitely going to die within the next couple of weeks.’ You grimly thought as you wracked your brain for the ‘best’ Habinger to be assigned to, best being the one that’s least likely to kill you simply because they can. 

 

“And what Habinger have I been assigned to Sir-” He glared at you and tightened his grip slightly all the while keeping that same easygoing expression, “Childe.” 

 

“I’m so glad you asked! You’ll be sent to assist the Sixth Harbinger, he’s my good buddy.” The two of you finally arrived at Childe’s office, you hadn’t even notice as you were too engrossed in the conversation. He left your side and began to shuffle through the mess it had become, you were probably going to have to clean it up while he was gone. 

 

Contrary to popular belief you had no idea which Harbinger was which when it was just their ranks, you typically just went with whoever made you feel more like you were about to shit bricks from fear was the strongest. Having the slight feeling that Childe knew this, because of course he did. The only thing you had to go off was the fact that Childe referred to him as a buddy, even then that was barely any help as he on occasion referred to you as his ‘Comrade’. 

 

Sighing softly as you adjusted your mask, taking it off with the confidence that Childe didn’t care as you had done these multiple other times and as much as you didn’t want to ask this asshole you were honestly left with no choice. You finally broke the silence, “My deepest apologies Childe but…who’s the Sixth again?”

 

He let an amused hum as his back was faced towards you, shuffling through a pile of papers for God knows what. Taking a moment before he spoke up,

 

“The Balladeer.” 

 

It felt like the wind was knocked out of you. 

 

Thankful for the fact that Childe’s back was turned towards you because as much as you would keep a stoic expression like typical you physically couldn’t stop the way your face fell, you felt sick, but you also had a small hunch that he was turned away on purpose to give you this brief moment to grieve. Did you do something wrong to warrant this? You couldn’t think of a single offense that could’ve caused this.” 

 

“Oh.”  

 

Was all you managed to say, the shock wasn’t settling in quick enough. Being placed under the Balladeer’s order wasn’t exactly as horrible as you made it seem because you could’ve been placed with The Doctor, so you had to be grateful to a certain extent. 

 

It was just the fact that the Fatui workers placed in the Balladeers division were constantly being replaced, originally, you’d chalk it up to since he was a higher rank his missions were obviously more difficult and just resulted in more casualties. That was until you’d talk to a few members where they then proceeded to tell you that he’d sometimes just kill them for the hell of it, the thought sent shivers up your spine. 

 

Childe had also on occasion talked about the Balladeer, he’d refer to him as ‘a good friend and even better fighter.’ You doubted that it was common knowledge that the Balladeer had short patience and with his strength no one could do anything about it. Vividly remembering a time Childe had stormed into his office slightly pissed as he rambled about how ‘Scaramouche needs to chill out and not take everything to heart.’ Remembering the way his hair was frizzy as it looked like he had been electrocuted, he even went as far as calling him short. You couldn’t confirm or deny that as it was taboo to speak badly of the Harbingers, even talking of their appearance was nerve wracking enough. 

 

“But don’t worry Y/N! Once I’ve returned, you’ll be my dear assistant again.” Childe snapped you out of your thoughts as he pulled your cheek rather painfully and shook your head as he smiled, you couldn’t tell if it was painful on purpose or he just didn’t realize how much force he was using, maybe both. He handed you a file, with the brief explanation that it was your file and how you needed to hand it to the Balladeer when you’d go to his section of the base. 

 

“May I ask a question, Childe? If you don’t mind.” You huffed out as you rubbed your sore cheek and waited for him to allow you to go on, he gave you a small nod as confirmation. You took a small gulp of air as if to give you the strength to continue speaking, “Why am I being handed over to another Harbinger instead of staying here and running the subordinates like usual?” 

 

All he did was give you a small smirk before speaking up. 

 

“I’d thought it’d be nice to share you.”

Chapter 2: The Sentencing

Summary:

Childe has a good chat with hat guy! About you too!

Walking through the Fatui camp, the constant bustling as soldiers were rushing somewhere that you were never privy to. Grumbling angrily when someone ran into you and almost knocked you over, technically you were their superior but in everyone’s eyes if you weren’t a harbinger or the Tsaritsa herself you were all equals in this hell hole.  

 

“Watch it dick face!” You snarled, when you weren’t in the presence of either you could finally be ‘yourself’. Or at least a good enough shell of a person, it was good enough for you at least. The soldier you had run into clearly wanted to take it further by the way their fist clenched but their duty called so all they could do was turn back around and grumble a low, “Bitch.”

 

Rolling your eyes slightly as you continued walking, Childe didn’t give you any direct orders, so you got the privilege of free time. It always felt weird to not be running around like the others around you in times like these, you’d decided to go back to your original spot you had taken residence in this morning before Childe had disturbed you.

 

As you reached your destination you let your mind wander slightly to the conversation you had with Childe, what did he mean to share? He always said weird shit and left things up for interpretation which pissed you off always but now it was different. In the sense that this now involved another Harbinger and with that in mind it felt like you were treading across stormy waters, and you hadn’t even met The Balladeer officially, and it wasn’t exactly high up on your bucket list.  

 

______________________________________________________________________ 

 

Earlier that day,

 

“What do you want, Ajax?” Harshly as the younger looking man spoke, his indigo eyes burned holes as he stared at the ginger.

 

“Ouch, still cold as usual Scara?” Spoke Childe as he feigned hurt, smirking slightly. Scaramouche’s glare only deepened at his words especially at the stupid nickname, his arms crossing over his chest as he stood in his office clearly bothered by the presence of Childe before he took a deep breath and spoke again, “Don’t make me ask again.”  

 

“Anyways! I came to talk to you about my mission, with the Gnosis y’know? I thought it’d be nice for us to catch up!” Loud as ever Childe spoke, going to make himself comfortable in a chair seated near a fireplace. It was no mistake that Scaramouche’s office was much nicer than his, simply because as the shorter male would say ‘because he has no taste’. It was partly true, without Y/N, his office would probably look like a hoarder's home.  

 

Scaramouche said nothing from where he stood, his eyebrows only worked to knit together as he watched the other male. He knew Ajax was lying, there was no reason for him to be in his office talking about a mission let alone to catch up. Despite this fact he said nothing, yet his rising anger was bound to snap. 

 

“What of this mission Ajax? Don’t tell me you came to waste my time with details of a mission I could care less about.” Spat with pure venom spoke Scaramouche, his patience was terribly thin at the moment, and it showed but this was nothing different. 

 

“I would consider taking the Geo Archons gnosis pretty important, but as you know this mission will take up a considerable amount of time.” Childe finally spoke, this time he held an air of slight seriousness, blue eyes meeting with raging indigo. 

 

Raising an eyebrow slightly at his words, he was trying to read for something underlying but as usual he was unsuccessful. The ginger was surprisingly good at concealing emotions, this pissed him off immensely and so with a small growl in his voice, “This concerns me how? You should know by now I hate beating around the bush.” 

 

“Well, you my friend,” Ignoring the way Scaramouche rolled his eyes at the words, “Are being offered a very important prize. The prize being my very lovely assistant, Y/N. Just for while I’m gone of course.” 

 

“So what? You want to me to babysit some pathetic worm while you’re gone?!” Flashing Childe a furious smile as he felt the electro energy in his body start to circuit around, he couldn’t fathom the fact that not only did this idiot waste his time he’d try to put responsibility on his superior. 

 

“I knew you’d say something like that, so I brought this.” Throwing a packet like a frisbee, watching the other catch it with ease as he glared at him for a second more before opening it up. Reading the contents briefly, his eyes flicking back up with a hint of surprise laced in them. 

 

“She has some sort of immunity to the delusions?” Scaramouche spoke aloud, it was a demanding question but still had a slight sense of disbelief. Looking at Childe as his eyes sharpened again, waiting for him to explain. 

 

“It’s specifically with a pyro delusion, I’m not sure with other elements as I’ve held off because I’m not exactly sure if she has the same kind of immunity to the others.” He paused slightly before speaking again, “She also seems to have increased physical endurance, I don’t know much of her past but it’s your typical Fatui sob story for the most part. Oh! She’s also of Inazuman background.” Childe tapped his chin in thought for anything else he could recall but he made the core points already, so it was already slipping from his memory. 

 

“This is quite interesting, coming from you especially. I’ve heard of some people with the ability to withstand a delusion, but they usually get too greedy and succumb to their fate. Does she have a vision?” Scaramouche actually found himself having a decent conversation for once in his life with his underling, only because he found the situation interesting. He found it amusing that Childe would hand over an accessory so easily, but he was probably too foolish to understand what he himself even had, it was too easy. He’d have his eyes closed in thought, head tilted low with his arms still crossed, without his large hat he seemed rather small, but his frightening demeanor made up for the fact.  

 

“She wields a cryo vision, her best weapon being a spear but she’s pretty adjustable to any weapon, she makes do with whatever.” The ginger replied. 

 

‘She can handle the force from a delusion of the exact opposite of her own vision, strange… This might not actually be a waste of my time for once.’ The shorter male thought briefly, his eyes flickering open as he glanced back at his unwelcome guest. A furrow in his brow had already made its way onto his porcelain-like skin. 

 

“I’ll participate in this dumb idea, it’s honestly surprising that a dunce like you has finally managed to bring me something with a slight ounce of value.” As Scaramouche’s words he couldn’t help the way his temper flared slightly at the thought that someone like Childe had something that he didn’t have, Childe on the other hand was silently celebrating as the thought of you being ‘bored’ while he was gone was heartbreaking to him. 

 

“Make sure not to kill her, she’s quite special to me.” Immediately getting cut off. 

 

“Get out of my office.” 

__________________________________________________________________

 

“Why do you always go here when you’re free of duties, it’s really…depressing.” Getting a sudden sense of Deja vu, Y/N looked and saw the familiar figure of her boss approaching her. Her peaceful break immediately shattered just like it had this morning, her body reacting on its own as she stood to attention. 

 

Just as she was about to respond, the taller male beat her to it, making her grit her teeth in slight irritation, “I don’t really care, anyways! I'm off to Liyue tomorrow afternoon, once I depart, you'll automatically be assigned to assist The Balladeer in whatever he might need but you already know that!” You nodded softly but as you did, you’d feel the air tense up just as quickly. 

 

“And just a little word of advice, try not to piss him off as I won’t be able to help you then.” Feeling your body break out into a nervous sweat despite the freezing weather, all you could do was nod once more and let his words sink in painfully and slowly. 

“Don’t worry Y/N! You’re an amazing assistant so I have faith in your skill.” Patting your back with a heavy hand and all you could do was wince slightly under your mask, his words felt saccharine sweet when it rang in your ears, but it was the closest thing you were going to get as far as it came to comfort. You’d appreciate it, nonetheless. 

 

“Thank you, sir…” You felt a sharp sting in your back as Childe had patted your back with a force so very strong it’d slightly knocked the air from your lungs.  

 

“Jeez Y/N, you can call me Childe. How many times am I going to have to remind you?” He’d laugh and ignore your winded body; the painful hit was definitely on purpose. What was his problem when you’d refer to him as sir? It was frustrating especially when you were forced to regulate your breathing in such a short and undefined time.  

 

“My apologies, Childe. Would you like for me to clean up your office before you leave?” You honestly just wanted any excuse to get away from him as to avoid getting hit one more time and also to just let the fact that you were going to be assisting The Balladeer for the time being. Were you really going to survive this? Is this just some sick joke to end your life? Most likely, Childe was never the type to just and sit idly and watch his prey be killed in such a lame way.  

 

“Sure, it’s been pretty messy as of late. You’re dismissed.” He’d shove you towards the direction of base, all the while letting out a breath you had no idea you were holding. Practically running to his office to try and distract yourself from the thoughts of your untimely demise. Not even the snow you’d almost, on occasion, trip over was cold enough to disturb you.  

 

Childe on the other hand laid relaxed as he watched your figure rush off, the grin that decorated his face at the sight slowly fell as he narrowed his eyes slightly. 

 

“Is this a bad idea?” The whisper of hesitation was ultimately lost in the blowing winds of Snezhnaya.  

 

______________________________________________________________

 

Warm. 

 

Childes's office was warm. 

 

Letting that thought burn into your memory for some odd reason, you were pretty sure you spent more time in here then you did in your own room. His office was obviously nicer, but you couldn’t complain with yours, mainly due to the fact that you were one of the very select few who got their own room rather than having to bunk up with seven or more other Fatui soldiers. You used to be one of the poor souls in those cramped rooms so you were always able to sympathize, it was hard though when you could sleep without having to listen to a person randomly screaming bloody murder in the dead of night as the horrors of their missions haunted them. 

 

Shrugging the unneeded memories away as you tried your best to organize the papers that were all over the room, it was almost muscle memory at this point. Your reading skills had very much improved when you’d first been appointed to this job because it wasn’t that much of a surprise when a poor Inazuman farm girl wasn’t exactly gifted with the blessing of a good education let alone the sense to understand writing. On occasion you were forced to ask Childe what a word or two meant, thankful when he’d tell you while simultaneously ignoring the fact that your eyes were trained to the floor and you felt unbearable heat on your cheeks from the embarrassment. Times like those you’d curse yourself for not leaving your Fatui mask on, even when Childe would never tease you about it but it was still very stress inducing. 

 

After about two more hours you were finally finished with organizing while cleaning the office, you were proud of your work as you usually were. The happiness never really reached your face but it wasn’t like you tell other than when Childe would tell you to smile more and then proceeded to pull your cheeks to create, a horrifically, poor attempt at a false smile, it always did more to sully your mood but the ginger on the other hand found it more hilarious then when he’d trip you on purpose and watch you tumble to the floor.  

 

As infuriating as he was, Childe was the closest thing you had when it came to a friend. A sad realization that dawned on you one late afternoon while you waited in his office for him to return from a mission all battered and bruised up while he insisted you treat his wounds rather than going to a medic. It wasn’t all bad though, apart from the times he’d leave you passed out on training fields when you were forced to spar with him and him of course taking it too far. This line of work did not allow for such human luxuries and to that you really didn’t care, it was better not to pay it any mind lest you spiral into a heap of madness when you’d come to the realization that you were nothing more than a tool. Like many other Fatui soldiers, but you’d always claim you were different because you were the assistant of a Harbinger so that clearly meant something, right? 

 

Shaking your head rapidly as you could tell you were close to teetering over the edge of your already low established sanity, it wasn’t exciting news when a Soldier was sent to solitary confinement for killing someone out of the blue. Just the aftereffects of being nothing more than a weapon. Something you weren’t planning on ending up like any time soon.     

 

Running your hands over your body in a subconscious check for your vision, feeling the coldness in your grasp as you absentmindedly ran your fingers over it. Having a vision is what really sets most people apart from the rest, especially here it just boosts your initial value from a meat shield to a meat shield with an enhanced weapon. 

 

Now that your job here was done you could finally retreat to the comforts of your own room, or you could stay in the warmth of Childe’s office. It was no surprise that his office had better ventilation than your own room, hence why you always took up residence in his room much more than you did your own. 

 

‘Just 10 more minutes then I’ll leave.’ Thinking to yourself as you sat on the floor, either that or the two very uncomfortable chairs in the office. It was better, so much so you couldn’t help the way your eyes slowly began to close or the way your head lolled forward as you dozed off.  

 

You couldn’t tell what woke you up first, the small slaps on your cheek or the calling of your name, “Hey Y/N! Comrade! Wake up, there you are…” 

 

The way your eyes snapped open was almost unnatural, some drool on the corner of your mouth as you quickly sat up right while wiping at it. How could you have fallen asleep in your boss’s office? Picking up your mask that slipped off and rushing to put it on, as you met blue eyes with your own. 

 

“Well, this is a new one, huh?” Stuck between a laugh and a scoff as Childe eyed you down, standing up from his crouching positions as he reached down and tugged you up to your feet as well. 

 

“Sorry, I must’ve fallen asleep after cleaning.” You spoke after the initial drowsiness wore off, bracing yourself slightly for some form of repercussion. Only to be met with a slight eye roll from Childe as he walked around to observe the office and what a nice job you did, or you hoped at least.  

 

“Typically, I would’ve been peeved but since you did such a good job cleaning, I'll let it slide, just this once.” His voice had a dangerous edge to it but was lost the further he inspected his now clean office. Nodding his head as he was finally done with his inspection, nodding his head as he was pleased with the work, he spoke up again, “I depart in about an hour, with that you’re officially dismissed as my assistant and set to work for you know who.” 

 

‘Of course, I know who, it’s all I can think about right now.’ Reluctantly thinking to yourself. 

 

“--And I suggest not to dwell on whether you should go or not, quite frankly you don't have a choice. The Balladeer does not like to be kept waiting.” With his eerie onslaught of words, Childe shuffled around his desk and grabbed a few more papers while you cringed as you let the words sink in for the nth time and at the fact Childe had somehow already gotten his desk messy. 

 

“I understand, thank you for the opportunity, Childe.” You bowed slightly as you spoke your words, showing your superior your gratuity. 

 

Not! 

 

“Great, you can get out now. I don’t need you falling asleep here again.” The lighthearted comment had somehow been made threatening, you could never understand how two-faced Childe could be while making it look so easy at the same time but then again that's why he was a Harbinger, and you weren’t. He was also super strong but that wasn’t important at the moment.   

 

Stepping out the warm office you’d feel the chill of the snow that had sunken it’s icy fangs into every crevice of the camp, it was normal with how much of a whiplash the effect had given you when you’d spend too much of your time enjoying simple things as the heater in Childe’s office. You understood why Harbingers got better treatment but at the same time why couldn’t everyone get the luxury of a heater, it was a silly thought but nevertheless a slight dream that would probably come true when pigs were gifted the ability to fly granted by Barbato's himself. The outcome of that was also near impossible but it was a good pastime when you made the treacherous walk back to your room. 

 

Stepping inside your shoebox of a room was the closest thing you could consider to your home, ignoring the way a spider had already made its own little fortress in the comforts of the corner of your room. Usually letting the beady eyed creature stay as it did help control the number of pests that made their way into your room, even if the sight had always disgusted you. Flopping yourself onto your cot, also ignoring the loud creak that came from the force of your body weight. Just because you got your own room did not mean you also got better equipment and it showed throughout the little repairs most of your belonging had to be given, like the chair that was an added piece to your desk because for some odd reason the desk did not already come with a chair, the leg of the chair had snapped while you were filling out paperwork Childe had assigned to you despite the fact that it was meant to only be read by him, lazy bastard. Not only did you have to switch between standing and sitting as you worked, but you also had the addition of a raging headache with the ironic collision of your head to the floor. 

 

All in all, it was shitty, but it wasn’t the worst. 

 

Letting your thoughts run loose they all had one specific theme, The Balladeer. It was common knowledge he was ruthless but to what extent? A person as powerful as him definitely had a scary aura, your mind couldn’t help but imagine a scary tall dark figure, similar to The Doctor. Even if you only had seen him once while walking back to your room, the two of you going opposite directions so you of course took your chance to gawk. It was strange honestly, the way that you can never forget the way his dark red eyes met yours and the way he gave you a small smirk, you’d thought you had been able to compose yourself in situations like that so the way your body screamed at you to run and get far away as possible was almost foreign to you. 

 

The sound of his chuckle as you rushed away to the safety of someplace away from the man still sometimes haunted your dreams. A chilling reminder that the Harbingers were people that you should never make the mistake of taking lightly, they were handpicked by the Tsaritsa herself after all and even she in all her divinity would never spare someone like you a second glance. Save for the fact that your vision was cryo, the memories of having it had come to your grasp were still hazy after all.  

 

The real and only question that held any semblance of importance in a time such as this, was were you going to survive?

Notes:

im running off of 3 hours of sleep but lets goooo (I've been down bad for scaramouche since he was featured in that one event with Mona)

Chapter 3: Fallen Masks

Summary:

Training time! We get a splinter :(

The day was warm, just like any other. The sun’s harsh yet gentle gleam shined on you as you washed clothes in the river not too far from the village. Beads of sweat dripped from your forehead and fell into the river's current with a silent splash, it was odd. You don’t remember being here, but it all felt so familiar at the same time, a home you never left?  

 

“Like this?” A soft yet curious voice called out from beside you, looking at their handiwork you just smiled and nodded. Their visage was blurry, especially when it came to the face. Effortlessly pretty was almost like second nature with the way it screamed at you, the person was a sight for sore eyes despite the fact that you couldn’t remember their face. 

 

“Good job, you’re a fast learner, aren’t you? Or maybe I’m just an amazing teacher.” The sound of your voice was comforting, it wasn’t rough and gritty with years of a harsh and unfair life. The person next to you didn’t say anything, only observing your behavior like a child chasing a butterfly. 

 

In any other circumstance the silence that followed should have been awkward, the constant observation from the other person as they mimicked your movements was off putting and clearly not human like. They were learning how to exist with the help of you, you on the other hand, knew this. Rather you felt it with your being, you knew the circumstances were a way off from yours yet you took them in despite this for a reason you yourself were not privy to in the moment. The person just nodded and went back to cleaning the clothes just exactly as you taught them, the sight made you proud. 

 

“Thank you for being nice to me.” The voice rang out, drowning in the sound of running water. 

 

With that, you woke up. 

 

Everything that had come to you was lost, like a book you had read in grade school where you could only remember faint scenes and characters. It wasn’t uncommon for you to have these dreams where they felt so human. Like a life you lived but never got to enjoy, you chalked it up to just the strain of things and how they turned out. Being the secretary of a Harbinger wasn’t exactly easy so maybe your mind just wanted a break, and it’d rather make up a fake life rather than just cope with the fact that you were undoubtedly unhappy. The only thing that was unexplainable was the person, always there and following you like a lost puppy. It was a strange dilemma, with the reason being that you could never remember their face, hell you could barely remember the way they sounded. Perhaps it was a metaphor for something? You doubted your subconscious mind was actually that smart to be able to craft anything of the sorts.  

 

‘Probably another segment of my weird ass dreams…’ You thought to yourself half-heartedly, a part of you wanted to convince yourself it was nothing but the way you felt in those dreams was always so full of serenity. Or you were just going crazy? 

 

Picking yourself up from your cot, slight discomfort filled your body as you had slept wrong and the way the cot offered no support to your sleeping body was heard by the multiple sounds of your joints cracking and popping. Wincing slightly, you put your mask back on with ease, checking the time and saw you had only slept for forty-two minutes. Grabbing the file from off your desk that Childe had given you the other day as you made your way to the other division of the Fatui base. The Balladeer, the name kept ringing in your ears as with each step you took you fought off the small part of you that wanted to turn back and leave everything behind and go rogue. Why didn’t you? The answer was simple, there wasn’t anything out there for you, also you’d probably die of frostbite before you could even make your way to a waypoint. Even then you weren’t sure you could make the thing work for you despite the fact you were a vision wielder. 

 

Finally arriving, the walk was around seven minutes from your room. The halls were much more luxurious but not better than the doors. Two large doors made of ebony, with accents of red and purple were carved into but the most prominent was the electro sigil in the center, split in half when you’d open the door, and it was made of gold. The funding that was put into this place was clearly hellish, it made Childe’s office look like a complete joke. You’d never say it to his face though, but he had to have known it, even a blind man could tell. 

 

Raising a fist up to knock and announce your entry, before you could even make contact the doors flung open suddenly. Hitting you in the face and sending you to the floor in the process as a Fatui soldier ran out and didn’t spare you a second glance, hissing softly as you felt the taste of metallic sting invade your mouth while you registered that you had also busted your lip. You looked up to be met with the sight of a young man with indigo hair and eyes, a large hat adorning his head as he wore clothes that held Inazuma’s trademarks, in any other circumstances he was breathtaking but the way he stared at you with a scowl as if you were gum on the bottom of his shoe told you otherwise,

 

“Get up.” A sharp voice commanded, your mind froze while your body quickly reacted as it grabbed the file on the floor and scrambled inside the office. Gently shutting the doors just as you had done with Childe, the act itself felt as if you were sealing your fate and you couldn’t help but shudder at the thought, “I apologize sir-” 

 

“It’s Lord to you, worm.” He spat, you hadn’t even spent more than ten seconds here and you already wanted to go back to Childe, pathetic as that sounded. 

 

“I apologize, my lord. I am Y/N, the assistant sent from Childe.” With your words you bowed slightly and went to hand him your file, he’d glare at you for a second longer before he snatched the item from your hand. You could already tell you were going to have a rough time with this guy, and the way you had to lick your lower lip to avoid having a line of blood drip down your chin wasn’t helping.  

 

_________________________________________________________________________________  

 

 

“I apologize my lord, but the team sent out to take down the treasure hoarders were unsuccessful!” The soldier shouted with their body bent as they bowed, body trembling before the Harbinger who stood silent and just observed the pitiful sight before him. 

 

“Casualties?” He questioned, observing the way the soldier deflated even more just by his words. 

 

“Just one. The rest sustained injuries that varied from critical to just a scratch.” A scowl formed on the Harbingers face at their words. No, he wasn’t upset because he had lost soldiers but rather, they were so weak that while he lost assets, they couldn’t carry out their mission successfully. 

 

“You mean to tell me that the recruits I sent out not only suffered injuries, but didn’t even finish the job?” His anger was rising like a dangerous crescendo, while the soldier before him moved to only bow further and tremble quicker which only worked to anger The Balladeer even more. 

 

Crossing his arms as he let out a huff, almost as if it’d work to take the anger out his system but alas, it did not. “Get out of my sight before I make the casualty number go up one.”, his threat did not fall on deaf ears. Watching the soldier practically bolt out the office before he could change his mind, he’d half expected the situation to be done with save for the fact that he was now going to have to handle a mission meant solely for his subordinates, until he heard a thump and the sound of a pained groan. 

 

He saw you.  

 

Nothing special honestly, if he hadn’t looked closely, he would’ve assumed you were just another Fatui soldier. Your outfit was slightly different given that you were Childe’s, now his, assistant and also taking note of how you branded your cryo vision as if it were some badge was laughable. Unfortunately for you, you caught him at the worst possible time and the way your mask was crooked also did more to piss him off for some odd reason. He was just trying to find any other reason to stay pissed off at the moment.  

 

_______________________________________________________________ 

 

Scaramouche read your file, deeming it as ‘useless shit’ because what was the point of him needing your blood type? He was expecting to be reading about what him and Childe had discussed not too long ago, and why were there typos? Did Childe really make this himself last minute, the thought of you making it was out of question since you at least appeared literate and he highly doubted that you would put such little care into something that was mildly important. 

 

‘Ginger bastard.’ Thinking to himself as he tore his gaze from the paper and looked back up at you, you looked like a dog left out in the rain. Even more so with your busted lip. 

 

“So, I finally have the pleasure of meeting the 11th’s lap dog.” Tossing your file on top of his desk carelessly, he gave you a smirk but still held that imposing aura that told you to stay in your place. He was testing you and daring you all at the same time, you weren’t interested in feeling the waters.  

 

“I wouldn’t say lap dog exactly, my lord.” Cursing yourself for questioning the most ill-mannered man, let alone Harbinger, you’ve ever met and half expecting him to smite you where you stood like some sort of malevolent god. He, on the other hand, quirks his brow in question while the smile on his face grows to be vicious and unforgiving all at the same time. 

 

“Oh?” He tilts his head slightly, “What would you call yourself exactly? From what I heard you hardly go on missions without Childe, and you're always holed up in his office. So, help me understand Y/N, what exactly do you do except just sit there and look pretty?” With his words he took steps towards your figure. Even with his height lacking he certainly made up for it with how he managed to make you shrink in on yourself and try to avoid his gaze. Why did you have to go and open up your little blabbermouth, well, you reap what you sow. 

 

“I am Childe’s assistant, my lord…” The repetition of your job title and The Balladeers preferred honorific title was beginning to become a nuisance to you especially, but your mind was occupied with the silent prayer to any god that wanted to listen and perhaps not allow you to die within the first twenty minutes on the job by your new employer. 

 

‘Did he just call me pretty-’ Thoughts interrupted, “Never mind it, come on and keep up.” His voice was just as sharp as that red eyeliner that you couldn't help but question if it was makeup or was, he born with it? Perhaps the latter since he himself did not seem so keen on putting something like that on with exact precision every day. Scrambling your thoughts together as you rushed to keep up with his pace, jumping slightly as he pushed open the doors with an unnecessary amount of force and if you hadn’t been watching him you would’ve assumed he was running with how fast he was walking. For being this short you were surprised, Childe didn’t even walk this fast.  

 

‘She’s on a first name basis with that asswipe, they don’t appear to be in a secret relationship. She appears too professional for something as comical as that. Whatever, I’ll have her tag along for this tiny mission just to test her skills…’ Scaramouche thought silently to himself, peeking over his shoulder slightly to see if you could keep up with his pace. Seeing you struggle slightly as you tripped over your feet put a small grin on his face, it was interesting to observe you, and he couldn’t exactly put his finger on why. Maybe this is why Childe had favored you so much.     

 

Silently wondering where your boss was taking you, maybe to kill you but he’d probably just do it in his office like any sane or normal being. Biting your tongue as you didn’t dare ask in hopes to not repeat what had occurred not too long ago, the tension was thick, at least for you. Doubting that this guy ever got uncomfortable, hell he probably got uncomfortable not making others uncomfortable like some sort of messed up loop. 

By now the two of you were a way off from the base, nothing out here save for the forest and greenery that seemed to expand the further you walked out. You could feel the coldness begin to seep into your clothing and just sit with the numbing feeling as there was little you could actually do anyways, the more you walked the more questions you had. Not even realizing how much you had taken for granted with Childe because you could ask a question, you’d just have to word it carefully, very, very carefully. If you weren’t in the situation, you were in right now you probably would have stopped to admire the scenery, lush forest surrounding you. The dark green and white seemed to mix rather well and it was a better change then just staring over the expanding tundra, having to admit The Balladeer’s division was just lucky overall but their position on where they slept and ate was exactly the same everywhere, also not forgetting to mention that they had a ticking time bomb as a boss, pretty much evened out the scales. 

 

“We’re here.” Pausing in your tracks and looking around, you saw nothing so taking a puzzled look that was hidden by your mask, you’d look at The Balladeer. He noticed your directed gaze and clicked his tongue in annoyance, crossing his arms once more as he glared at you. 

 

“Don’t tell me the assistant of a Harbinger is so blind and can’t see a Treasure Hoarder’s camp right in front of them?” His tone was mocking and patronizing as you slightly winced at the harsh tone, taking another good look around you spotted a small clearing.  

 

‘How was I supposed to see that? Looks like a damn bunny burrow…’ You thought annoyed, not daring to let that annoyance leak out. 

 

“Assistant of the 11th,” Seeing the way he hardened his gaze, “My lord...”. He went back to being passively angry, almost as if he was always angry which was so far proving to be correct. 

 

“So? One of my rookies could have surpassed you. You’re messy and unfocused, it’s a pitiful sight.” He snapped as you just stood there. 

 

Ouch. 

 

‘Seems like I’m more of a punching bag rather than his assistant.’ You thought begrudgingly, letting out a squeak of surprise as he gripped your wrist and pulled you toward the camp. His hands were cold yet soft which was surprising for your line of work, the iron grip he had on you would probably successfully cut your circulation in the span of 5 minutes. 

 

Shoving you towards the camp which almost resulted in your face planting straight to the floor, typically you weren’t clumsy but more calculated and precise and as of lately you’ve been stiff and tense. The reason was clear as to why but still you shook it off and continued forward. Seeing the whole point as to why he brought you was to test your skills on the battlefield, all you could do was pray that you didn’t disappoint as you grabbed your spear that materialized from thin air and felt a touch of frost dance at your fingertips as you did so.   

Stepping foot into the camp with your boss following you and observing, his careless and arrogant attitude did not meet to match up your stealthier and sneakier demeanor. Spotting where the treasure hoarders had taken up their residence and they had just conveniently spotted you at the same time, immediately going into defense as they saw a Harbinger standing right behind you. Cursing under your breath, you took the first step and dashed towards them. 

 

The fight was harsh and unfair, one person against seven or so treasure hoarders as you had counted. The electro energy that had run up your body stung rather painfully because one of them had thrown an electro charged explosive and you had sadly failed to see it let alone dodge it. You had taken most of them out with ease but now you were face to face with a guy who held a shovel and a few others but he took priority, it pissed you off that he wasn’t as easy to take out like the rest but nevertheless you persisted and charged at him with your spear feeling the air freeze up with an artificial cold that was different from the freeze around you. 

 

Before you could successfully impale the man with your spear, the painful sensation of a stabbing pain in your shoulder momentarily distracted you and with a quick glance you had concluded that you’d been shot at with an arrow that successfully pierced your shoulder. Not being given a grace period the feeling of being hit in the ribs by the man with a shovel sent you flying to the floor while gasping for air simultaneously, the pain digging from the arrow only served to cause you more anguish that you hadn’t even noticed the way your Fatui mask had fallen off with the impact. 

 

“Useless as expected…” Came the exasperated voice of The Balladeer as he finally stepped in after observing you in battle, within the blink of an eye the remaining Treasure Hoarders dropped dead as the purple electricity crackled and fried their bodies at such a quick and painful-looking speed you couldn’t help but feel the need to hold back a gag as the burnt smell of flesh filled your lungs. Death wasn’t anything new to you, but you’d never experience it in such an animalistic violence, the young man hadn’t even moved from where he stood and in this very moment, you’d felt the true power of a Harbinger because unlike Childe he didn’t mind being overzealous to show off his strength instead of fighting them. For once you’d actually miss that sadistic or was it masochistic, ginger.   

 

Standing up from where you lay, spitting some blood from your mouth as you winced from the overbearing pain in your shoulder. Knowing better than to rip it out and cause more unnecessary blood loss you’d just snap the wood arrow to make sure it had a lesser chance of bumping into something and causing more pain. Watching as The Balladeer turned around to face you, wearing a smug expression of victory and nonchalantly putting you in your place without even saying a word. It would’ve been normal had his expression not suddenly turned to one of pure shock, almost as if he’d seen a ghost. 

 

Instinctively you turned around to see what had caused the young lord such distress, face to face with a white rabbit that had just run past and ultimately there was nothing to warrant such a strong reaction. Turning back around confused you’d finally realize that he was staring directly at you. 

“My lord…?” This guy was starting to really freak you out with the way he was just frozen there and staring at you, it felt almost wrong not to see his signature scowl on his face. 

 

“Y/N…?” His voice was uncharacteristically soft and quiet, for some reason you’d honestly wish he was screaming at you in anger instead. He took a few steps toward you, his hand slightly reaching up almost as if he were in a trance but just like that, he was back. A passive look settled on his face as he shook his head, zipping past you with inhuman speed as he walked back to where you assumed was the base and so like an obedient dog you’d silently follow.  

 

‘Guess this guy does have a few screws loose after all…’ Smiling sardonically to yourself as the crunch of the snow beneath you helped to ground you back to reality and let the adrenaline slowly leak out from your body, your body was painfully tense and the feeling of the warm blood that leaked into your uniform soon turn cold did nothing but serve to disgust you as you still stared at the Harbinger confused. 

 

Did he know something you didn’t? 

Notes:

Please lmk if I missed anything, I feel like I did tbh but I hope you guys enjoy this chapter (Im so down bad for him oml)

Chapter 4: Muddy Rain, Cold Rooms

Summary:

We get some stuff; we recall some stuff.

“Is this what it is supposed to look like?” Faint and sweet, the melody of the voice beside you rang out as they held out a poor rendition of what was supposed to be a wind chime. Giggling softly as you took it from their hands, cold hands, and did a few tweaks to fix it. 

 

“Just like this.” Handing it back to the blurry faced person, holding up your own wind chime near theirs as you smiled. Matching wind chimes the two of you had crafted on a lazy afternoon, yours was purple while theirs was blue, sitting outside a small abode that with one feel you could tell it was your home. 

 

“Wanna help me put them up? I’ll have to get you a stool as well since I don’t think either of us can reach that high up…” You spoke out loud pretty much to yourself and barely made a question as the person hung on your every word, leaned even more closer to you. The soft clicks coming from the two of your windchime fill the momentary silence.  

 

“Your windchime is pretty…” They commented. 

 

“It was inspired by you.” You smiled as you faced them once more.  

 

Waking up in a cold sweat, you were alone once more. 

 

“Where…oh, infirmary.” Shaking your head as you laid back down on the makeshift bed, fighting to ignore the headache that was desperately trying to make itself known. Most of your clothes were off save for the black tank top, and obviously pants, that was the only article of clothing that didn’t irritate your shoulder injury. 

Shortly after you returned to base The Balladeer had dismissed you, not even bothering to look at you while he retreated to his office. With his signature pissy attitude, you turned tail and headed straight for the infirmary and got your much needed treatment, the memory of him frozen in shock while he stared at you with a slack jaw still brought questions to your mind. Maybe you just had dirt on your face? Unlikely answer but it was good enough to quell the questions that lingered in your mind. It was time you left, probably being out cold for five hours as it was late into the night shown to you by the clock hung on the wall.  

 

Stepping off the bed, getting lightheaded as the pounding in your head felt like someone was banging a dictionary over your head. Taking a few moments before it went away, noticing a bottle with your name on it and upon further inspection it was a bottle of painkillers prescribed by one of the medics. Gladly taking three of them with no water to chase it you’d finally make your way back to your little shoebox room, happily.  

 

Upon your arrival you’d notice a decent sized box lay atop your cot, cautiously opening it you’d realize it was an entirely new uniform. Pulling it out of the box you couldn’t help but smirk as you eyed it. 

 

‘Sorry Childe but this uniform is so much more badass…’ Thinking to yourself as you eyed it, it was similar to a cryo Cincin Mages outfit, but it was mostly all black with hints of blue and no large hood with the two large antennas but instead a smaller, less inconspicuous, hood that’d cover the eyes if need be. If getting shot at with an arrow was all it took for you to finally get a cool uniform, you'd gladly do it ten times again. Under Childe’s employment you’d requested a uniform to separate you from the rest, but he’d claim it’d make everyone feel ‘less special’, his words not yours, much to your displeasure as the point of a different uniform was to in fact separate you from a typical Fatui soldier, you were his assistant after all. 

 

Running your fingers over the fabric you’d notice the shine of an electro sigil placed where you typically placed your cryo vision, it was made of a sort of black metal so it slightly blended in but the way it shined would quickly point it out. Although you were slightly disappointed that you could no longer place your vision there, the complaint was drowned out as you just admired the uniform before carefully putting it back into the box. 

 

Putting the box on top of your desk, excitement buzzing in your body as you couldn’t wait to wear it tomorrow. Throwing yourself onto your cot, crying in pain as you had completely forgotten about the fact that your shoulder had gotten pierced by an arrow and regrettably so as you had to lay there with the pain and just wait for sleep to take you away. 

 

______________________________________________  

 

Scaramouche felt like he was losing his mind, felt like someone had opened his head and was picking at whatever laid inside. 

 

He’d seen you; it was actually you. 

A person that he’d tucked away into the crevice of his memory just like he had done with the others, a painful reminder of why he’d carry the hatred and resentment to humans and gods alike so deep in, if he had one, his heart. 

 

But not you, you were always different. 

 

He’d thought he’d just have to live with that pain of yearning for something that could have been, but the fates were unforgiving just as his creator was. Gradually he forgot about it, or it had finally engraved itself into his being that it’d become a part of him that he refused to acknowledge. 

 

Letting a shout of pure unbridled rage, or sorrow, it was always hard to draw a line between the two for him, throwing all the things on his desk onto the floor the loud crash and bang rang through the empty halls. Heavily breathing, the sight was comical as the puppet had no real need to breathe. His thoughts were spinning, the feeling of not knowing something was almost foreign to him at this point, he didn’t like the invisible upper hand you held over him whether you knew it or not. 

 

“There’s no way she would’ve survived, I saw her…saw…” His voice lost its strength, clenching his eyes shut as he tried desperately to shut out the memories, the broken promises, all of it. He wanted all of it to stop. 

 

After about another hour or so of quickly flitting between moments of pure despair and a rage that burned brighter than the fire in his fireplace Scaramouche had finally managed to calm himself down. Surprising as that sounded, his office was still a mess, but he’d probably just tell you to clean it tomorrow. 

 

Speaking of you, there's no way it was you. Maybe a lucky coincidence, shaking his head angrily Scaramouche knew he couldn’t lie to himself especially when it came to you. The look in your eyes was exactly the same as it had been when he was just known as the Kabukimono, albeit dimmed but nothing he couldn’t fix, but that didn’t explain why the hell your carbon copy was here and luckily placed as his assistant for the time being. 

 

‘Reincarnation, so it does exist?’ Bringing his hand to his chin as he was in thought, it was a solid answer that confirmed life after death which would be absolutely detrimental to a mortal, which he was not, to him it was similar to finding out the tooth fairy was real, so shocking, but otherwise useless. That still didn’t explain why you look exactly the same, he’d assume you’d at least look a little different, not that he was complaining, he just found it slightly strange. 

 

“She doesn’t remember me, maybe it’s for the best.” Speaking to none other than himself as he stared at the fire in his office beginning to die out, a part of him wondered what you’d think if you found out what he’d become, would you turn heel and run like the others? Or would you sympathize and stay with him like you’d promised all those years ago.  

 

He pushed those thoughts down, but he still hoped it was the latter.   

 

________________________________________________ 

Alarming blaring loudly woke you up from your dreamless sleep, drool on the side of your face that you wiped off dazed before shutting the annoying thing off. Throwing your feet off the side of the bed and letting them touch the cold ground. 

 

You took about an hour to get ready that morning only because you decided to take a shower and because you had to rewrap your wounded shoulder. It hurt to even raise your arm, so you ended up taking some painkillers and pushed through the rest of the pain. 

 

Putting on your uniform with relative ease, it was slightly snug, but you shrugged it off in hopes that it would loosen with your movements throughout the day. You had tied your vision around your waist using some string you had laying around your room, letting it hang off your waist. You knew it wasn’t some extravagant dress, but you still felt pretty badass compared to all the other Fatui soldiers, dare you say, cocky . 

 

You’d always wanted to be a Cincin Mage but never found time to actually do it as Childe constantly had you running around camp like a chicken without a head, you’d try to become a Mirror Maiden but it was just too confusing and you’d ended up using your own attack against yourself in the middle of training, that was one of the many embarrassing moments that kept you up at night.  

 

Doing one good lookover yourself before nodding in approval, you’d pull your hood over your eyes because of the simple fact you’d lost your Fatui mask in your fight yesterday. The same time your boss was staring at you like you’d just committed a war crime with a smile on your face, you don’t really understand why he’d look at you like that and you didn’t plan on asking anyways in fear of losing your life. It wasn’t worth much, but you still preferred to keep it. 

 

Walking out your room you’d make your way to The Balladeer’s office, maybe you should thank him? He’d probably slit your throat if you made a comment on it, deciding the risk wasn’t worth it so you'd silently agreed that you’d just stay silent like a statue and stand in a corner to avoid his unreasonable wrath like some twisted tyrant. Reaching the hallway that had his office at the end of the hall, it always felt so cold and isolated from the world like some sort of dimension. 

 

Knocking on the door gently three times, just like Childe had taught you because knocking more then three times was apparently considered ‘bad luck’ to him, you were never able to confirm or deny that to this day because of the absurdity and that no one had ever heard of it when you’d ask a random soldier on your time off. Hearing a low, “Come in.”, you’d take a deep breath before opening the doors and walking in as you turned around to shut them behind you. The way you moved was swift and poised, you’d wish this was how your first meeting went with your new employer instead of getting thrown to the floor from a stupid door. 

“Good morning, my lord. Is there anything I’d be able to assist you with today?” Bowing slightly as you were mentally cheering for how good you’d introduce yourself, not even Childe got this much of professionality from you, and he was your main employer. That ginger bastard. 

 

Looking back up briefly, only to be met with a scowl and the young man rolling his eyes at you as he went back to working on the stack of papers on his desk. Posture deflating slightly, cheeks growing hot as you couldn’t help but feel as if you’d somehow embarrassed yourself with his lack of response and attention. Looking around the office you took note of its slightly disheveled state that wasn’t there yesterday, what happened when you left? The thought of someone being killed in the room while you were gone flashed in your mind, but the thought was too gruesome to entertain for much longer. Glancing back at The Balladeer, he was still writing but he had taken off his hat which gave you a better view of his hair that looked so healthy it made you slightly jealous. 

 

“Take off your hood, it makes you look ridiculous.” His voice cut through the silence like nails on a chalkboard. You hesitantly took off your hood because of the simple fact you didn’t have your mask, immediately feeling naked because it felt wrong to not have your mask on your person anymore. 

 

“No mask?” He deadpanned at you, while you nodded hesitantly. He only clicked his tongue in annoyance while you waited to meet the same fate as the treasure hoarder. “Whatever…” He grumbled before turning his attention back to his papers, you let out a breath you didn’t know you’d been holding as you made your way to awkwardly stand beside his desk because it felt inappropriate to be sitting down. This guy was really teaching you not to take Childe’s laid-back attitude for granted once this was over, even though you despised the man with every fiber of your being, but it was only natural for you to feel like this after all.  

 

Looking around his office absentmindedly, looking at the various items scattered around the office with an apprehensive gaze. It felt awkward to just be standing there and doing nothing even when you’d probably kill to be doing nothing. After about five minutes you’d relax slightly and by twenty there was a knock on the doors, hearing how pissed off the harbinger was as he snapped the pen he was holding into two, spilling ink all over his paper but somehow missing his hand glaring daggers at you as you quickly looked forward again. 

 

“Come in.” Any sort of welcoming tone was buried six feet under as the young man speak but you weren’t sure if he was even capable of being welcoming. Watching a soldier come in respectfully, they’d bow just like you and you took a chance to run over their body. Taking notice of how their Uniform was different from the rest, though you weren’t exactly sure where you had seen it. 

 

“The Doctor is requesting your presence my lord.” The person spoke, standing straight up as you took another good look. No bells were ringing but you did grow slightly uncomfortable at the mention of The Doctor, if The Balladeer took notice, he did not mention it. 

 

“Right now?” Raising an eyebrow questioningly, the soldier nodded as the young lord just sighed as he stood up and put his hat on. Walking towards the door as the soldier had already taken their leave, turning back to face you with a scowl on his face as he stopped in his tracks. 

 

“Make yourself useful while I'm gone at least.” With venom filled words he left the office without another sound, leaving you in there alone. 

 

‘Guess I could clean, with the hopes he doesn’t slit my throat for misplacing something…’ Thinking grimly to yourself as you sauntered around the office, deciding to pick up the items up off the floor and return them back to what you prayed was its original spot. You’d start to work your way to his desk, cleaning up the mess he had made with his pen, less gracefully so now you were stuck with inked fingertips. Carefully making sure you didn’t smudge ink everywhere as you picked up a stack of paper, groaning slightly as a file had fallen out, you’d reach down to pick it up, but your eyes had caught something. Your name had been written at the top in bolded letters. 

 

Taking a glance around the room one more time as you tried to listen for anyone that was making their way to the office, hearing nothing you grabbed the paper carefully almost as if it’d crumble with the slightest touch. You didn’t need a Harbinger to know that you were snooping in his office when he wasn't around, you’d definitely end with your head not on your body anymore or probably cooked from the inside out by his electro powers. The sizzling bodies of the treasure hoarders were still fresh in your head and the thought made you grimace slightly.  

 

Glancing at the paper you could tell it was different from the page you’d hand to the Harbinger himself, so why’d he have previous information on you anyways? 

 

Curiosity did kill the cat…

 

Reading the papers that laid inside, you could tell they were serious and even with your poor reading skills, not that it was your fault as the papers had used grandeur words far above your understanding, another painful reminder that you were still leagues below a Harbinger even when it just came to reading. Piecing together the words. Something about a pyro delusion, you remembered the day Childe forced you to use one during one of missions and you came out practically unscathed as flames had begun to eat at your clothes before you noticed and put it out quickly. Judging the look from Childe’s face you’d realize just how not normal it was for you to be able to use a delusion, it wasn’t like you didn’t know what they were as you had seen many Fatui soldiers withering day by day as they used the damned things.  

 

Delusions weren’t new to the Fatui because many soldiers used them in their line of work; they were used by the Skirmishers, Bracers and other vision needing soldiers. It was taxing work, but it was necessary for the big picture the Tsaritsa had painted, you all had your own part to play even if you were just a little ant waiting to be stepped on.

 

Reading further you’d see something along the lines of increased physical endurance, humming slightly in approval as a small smirk made its way onto your face. It was cool to know that you were special and not just some meat bag waiting to be killed in the front lines, well you still were you just had a slightly smaller chance of dying, minus the fact that you were never really sent out on big missions like that anymore but there was a possibility it might change due to your new employer. 

 

But satisfaction brought it back.  

 

Carefully putting the paper back just like how you found it, you had a feeling that this guy was a perfection freak and noticed the smallest detail like a speck of dirt that was on the paper. Going back to putting away other items back onto the shelf you couldn’t help but to think why he had this information in the first place, clearly your role as an ‘assistant’ was a lie, maybe a half lie. You were cleaning his office after all. Had Childe planned this? Hardly giving the Ginger where credit was due, admittedly he was very strategic and calculated it was just that Childe just had the habit of burying it with his annoying personality. 

 

Occasionally glancing at the stack of papers that laid on the desks counter in a neat and organized pile, why were you so obsessed with this? Maybe because it finally proved that you were different, in the sense that you were meant for something bigger than just being, like The Balladeer had said himself, a lapdog.  

 

Never quite believing in things like fate because of how hard your life had been for what seemed on most days, no reason. Feeling as if you’d just gotten unlucky or maybe you just did something wrong along the way that ended with you here and maybe if you had just done something, anything differently you wouldn’t be in this place and you wouldn’t feel this way. 

 

There was no point in regretting your decisions now though, you were here, and you weren’t the person that had no worries other than having to wake up early and harvest some crops. As much as you hoped you could do something like, you were blood in blood out with the Fatui. The only reason you did so well and were trusted with a position as high as yours was because of how loyal you were, the thought made you sick but the fact you couldn’t deny it was more frustrating. Childe knew it the moment he saw you, remembering the day as clear as rain. 

 

_______________________________________ 

 

The taste of dirt filled your mouth as you face planted into the muddy soil below you, tainting your uniform and skin with the filth. It was a rainy day in Snezhnaya, it was the middle of summer, so it was still cold but weather allowed for the occasional rainy day. The smell of earth and taste weren’t unpleasant, but the embarrassment made you grit your teeth and growl like some animal as you charged forward at the soldier that shoved you to the floor after bumping into them. Admittedly they ranked higher since you had only a few years of experience and them over fourteen years. 

 

It didn’t deter you one bit.  

 

Slamming your body into them you’d knock off their mask, seeing the burly man grit his teeth in anger as you landed a punch to his face. He’d raise his fist and slam it into your jaw, hearing a crack resonate in your head as you got what felt like whiplash for the hit. Stumbling back dazed but quickly snapping your jaw back into place, it hurt like a bitch but the gasps and cheering from the small crowd that had begun to circle around the two of you only worked to pump the adrenaline quicker. 

 

Running back at the man with a raised first aimed for his scarred face as you tried to hit him only for him to catch it as he smirked at you. Quickly thinking as you raised your leg and kicked him in the stomach, the look of surprise on his smug face made it worth it as he gagged and tried to catch his breath that had been knocked out of him. He let go of your wrist and you took the opportunity to upper deck him with a force you forgot lived inside you, watching the man stumble back as he looked at you with a fear in his eyes before he ran off. 

 

The pathetic sight made you puff out your chest in confidence, the dirt and filth on your body made it worth it. You’d successfully beat your superior and everyone here saw it. 

 

‘Where did everyone go-’  

 

“Well done, honestly I didn't think you were going to win that.” The sound of clapping as a voice from behind you spoke, quickly turning around to face the person as you were still coming down from your rush with a smug attitude. 

 

Ginger hair, blue eyes, and a tall stature was all that registered at first, the person wasn’t wearing the normal Fatui uniform before the realization hit you like a train. 

 

He was a Harbinger.   

 

It felt like you were dunked into cold water as you stumbled over your words like a fool, going onto one knee like you saw the other soldiers do when in the presence of their respective Harbinger. Mentally slapping yourself for your foolish activities that he’d undoubtedly been observing the whole time, if you’d known you’d at least put on a better show, and it didn’t help that you were covered in mud as light rain sprinkled onto you. 

 

“Sir- I apologize, I don’t- I don’t know what came over me.” Your cheeks were flushed with shame as you kept your eyes trained to the floor, even his shoes screamed rich…

 

“Don’t be! That fight was probably the most interesting thing to happen here in a few weeks, what’s your name rookie?” The ginger haired man asked you, sticking his hand out for you to take as he offered you a smile. 

 

“Y/N sir.” Taking it as he practically yanked you up, you were scared shitless, but he didn’t seem angered over the commotion you had caused, in fact he seemed pretty happy over it? It was odd but you didn’t dare question it as the way everyone had scampered off was enough. 

“I'm a bit surprised I haven’t seen you, but you seem like an interesting character. You can call me Childe, you’re different from the rest, aren’t you?” He was a talker, but it wasn’t like you could criticize your own boss, nodding your head as he urged you to just follow him.

 

The start of a new chapter. 

 

______________________________________  

 

The memory just made you sigh as you had finally finished organizing the office, cleaning it to the best of your abilities. Not even you were sure if it was good enough for his liking, it probably wasn't considering that Childe was satisfied with it and the way things had been going you came to the realization that the two of them were polar opposites. A small part of you missed that tall man, in the sense that he didn’t casually degrade you and had a more lenient hold on you, much to your gratitude. It felt odd to actually have to be professional, not like you already weren’t but it was expected of you and any less would most likely result in your untimely demise. 

 

‘What do I do now?’ Putting your hands on your hips as you looked around the room, falling asleep wasn’t the smartest idea considering that Childe was very close to sending you out to defeat a horde of slimes just because of it, you couldn’t do The Balladeer’s paperwork like Childe would urge you to do for him and even though you hated it as much as you hated having to fight a ruin guard, it was good reading practice and a good way to pass the time. 

 

Opting to just stare at the fire that enveloped the room in a warmth, it appeared to be dying out and it was slightly obvious the way the rooms general temperate began to dip slightly as the coldness started to leak in through the walls. The thought of having to be confined to such a cold office made you shiver absentmindedly. 

 

“Well, he didn’t tell me outright that couldn’t leave the office, I should be fine…hopefully.” Speaking out loud to yourself, the plan was to go to the forest and get some logs of wood. That way you could pass some time and leave the office while making yourself useful. It was killing like five birds with one stone and made you feel slightly accomplished as you brewed up this mini plan, the only thing that would probably make this journey harder was the fact you had injured your shoulder. Then again you could just take some more painkillers and hope for the best like you typically did…not.  

 

Stepping out of the office without another word, setting off for a mini adventure that should relatively be easy to accomplish in a decent time frame that was non-existent because you had no idea when The Balladeer would return and the thought of you returning while he was already there was kind of a horrifying thought. 

Notes:

I'm not dead, yet. Enjoy :P

Chapter 5: Crunching Snow

Summary:

We encounter a friendly mob in the woods! Boss is also very happy with the work accomplished.

The soft crunch of the snow below your feet was a nice ambient background sound that you slightly acknowledged but not really as you looked around for any possibilities of good firewood. While you were walking you thought about how you’d rather steal firewood from the other soldiers because you yourself were too lazy to have to find the wood and cut it, partly because of the way you felt your shoulder wound reopen when you tried to pick up a heavy stump. 

 

Sighing softly as it was becoming very apparent that people were not as careless in The Balladeers division as they were in Childe’s area, or they were just plain stingy here. The more you thought about it, the more you noticed that the whole area was just tense. 

 

Almost as if the soldiers were always waiting for some inhuman being to just come and kill the whole lot of them for no reason at all. Honestly, it's probably because of their Harbinger, you imagined that it wasn’t easy working for that low-tempered prick, picking up on his temper tantrums much more quickly than you did with Childe. Also taking notice that you had a lot more opinions to share than usual, maybe because you were feeling chatty due to missing your own Harbinger, to a certain extent of course. While The Balladeer was eerily breathtaking when it came to his looks, it was almost fake, but no signs pointed to that, you couldn’t shove away the fact that he was just plain mean. Barely pissing him off got you your treatment, so you couldn’t imagine what actually angering him did. Probably the opposite of whatever you were going through. 

 

You knew that you were taking what you had for granted but you really didn’t like him, and you were somewhat on his good side, that didn’t stop the pile of complaints you had though. While he criticized you for your lack of, you can’t really remember but the way it hurt your feelings stuck. You had an equal, if not more, pile of complaints that laid buried at the back of your brain because Celestia forbid you say anything you felt. Not that you cared or anything but the way he killed the treasure hoarders and treating it as if he were swatting off a fly, which he probably was, definitely made you want to stay in your place more so than usual. 

 

Perhaps that’s why you were feeling chatty, never actually caring if you spoke or not but when that right was in a way, revoked. You couldn’t help but feel the urge to break that rule, unfortunately the urge to be a rebel laid thick within your veins so there was no getting rid of it at your age. Not that you minded it, it was one of the few things that reminded you of your humanity and showed you weren’t some unfeeling robot. 

 

Shaking your head slightly as you let out a sigh, watching it come out in a plume of what looked like smoke, but it was only because of the temperature. When you were a young child in Inazuma you’d play with the town's children when one of you would pretend to be a dragon blowing smoke and fire from your mouth, the memory made you smile slightly as it was one of the few that you could remember being a time where you’d enjoy something in your youth. 

 

“Bingo, seems good enough.” Happily clapping your hands together as you had finally found a clearing that held some firewood and an ax, it didn’t cross you as strange when the ax had been haphazardly tossed to the floor almost as if the people had stopped their woodcutting for seemingly no reason at all. Picking up a few logs of wood or as much as you could physically hold because you weren’t planning on making two trips out of this. 

 

It wasn’t until your arms were full of firewood that you heard a low grumble, snapping your head in the direction it came from as you could tell it was getting sort of closer. Your brows furrowed as a small part of you was curious as to what was making that strange noise, standing still for a second more as the sound stopped which caused you ultimately shrug and turn around with the plan of heading back to camp in your mind. 

 

“Guess it was nothin’-”, You froze right where you stood as you looked up in abstract horror. 

 

A ruin guard stood right before you. 

 

Oh. 

 

It did explain why the camp had been seemingly abandoned but you were too excited for the fact that you finally found the firewood you were searching for in the first place that you just straight up ignored the signs telling you to get the hell out of there, people didn’t leave behind an ax for no good reason after all. 

 

The sound of your feet running as fast as your body could take you and your heart thumping a lovely beat in your ears, were the only things you could hear. The low thumping of the ruin guard reverberating in the ground as it chased you did nothing other than to quell your fear even more, this was a very bad situation. 

 

Suddenly the stomping stopped, replaced by an odd silence but you did not stop. It wasn’t until you heard what sounded like a cannon being shot, by then you realized it was too late to even try and attempt to dodge. The feeling of being sent flying into the air as you hit the ground with a painful crash, dropping the firewood you held as your injured shoulder burned with pain upon the collision. The air was hot, your skin suffering with minor burns from the explosives that had been shot out. Unable to see ahead as a large plume of smoke enveloped you temporarily, standing up hastily and reaching for your spear with the feeling of it materializing seemingly out of thin air. 

 

Waving your hand in front of you with the familiar feel of frost shooting out, effectively putting out the mini fires that had been started while blowing the black smog from out your field of vision. Showing you clearly what you had been missing, the ruin guard was still walking towards you, tearing down trees as its heavy and strong mechanical body ran smashed into them. The target was you, the way it stared at you with its artificial eye as it seemed dead set on killing you. 

 

Unless you killed it first.  

 

A part of you knew you weren’t going to be able to outrun this beast, you could have if you weren’t hit by the explosion because even if one of the missiles didn’t hit your figure directly it was the way your body was screaming at you to stop moving. 

 

You had sustained injuries that would slow you down and if not for a miracle, result in your death. 

 

So, with a heavy breath, wincing as you felt a sharp stab in your side. You’d take a calculated glance and raise your spear above your head, winding it back with your eyes narrowing towards the mechanical monster. 

 

‘Damn you to hell…’ You thought and with a silent prayer to Celestia above as you did,  

 

You’d throw the spear with all your might. 

 

Closing your eyes as you let out a scream from the burn of all your injuries in your body begging you to just stop moving, you weren’t interested in seeing your spear miss its target. You knew that it was wishful thinking to even believe for a second that your weapon hit the ruin guard, but it was your only option and to be honest, you really didn’t want to die to such a lame opponent. 

 

The spear glimmered as you had infused it with a sharp and nearly unbreakable ice doubling it in size all the while freezing the air and putting out all of the remaining embers of flame from the sheer amount of your elemental prowess, twinkling like a chandelier you’d only seen once when Childe dragged you to a Harbinger meeting and forced you to stay outside. It was flying straight towards the Ruin Guard like some powerful drill, zipping through the frost barren air with a quick zip.

 

It wasn’t until you’d hear a strange sound, it sounded distorted and almost as if it was powering off. You opened your eyes and saw the ruin guard fall backwards and hit the floor with a force so powerful you felt it in the ground below you. 

 

“I did it…?” Breathing out in pure shock at your victory, you knew you shouldn’t count your eggs before they hatched so you turned around and started to run, or limp, away. It saddened you at having to leave your beloved spear alone with that monster, but you really didn’t want to risk your life over an object, sentimental or not.   

 

“I could’ve done better damnit.” 

 

_________________________________________ 

Finally making your way back to the camp, after you had gotten a good distance away from the ruin guard you allowed yourself to slow down to a lazy walk that put less stress on your body. Everything seemed in place like it should, your disappearance had gone unnoticed and maybe if you were lucky you could go to the infirmary and treat your wounds. Only problem was that you were unaware if The Balladeer had returned from wherever he’d gone. 

 

Unsure of what to do first, it was until you felt someone grab your wrist and yank you as you turned to look to find the culprit. It was just a typical Fatui soldier, they seemed quite distressed with the way they were buzzing with anxiety and a crooked mask hanging on for dear life. The sight would have made you laugh had it not been for the way they stared at you. 

 

“Can I help-”, quickly being cut off, “Please tell me you're the Lord’s assistant?!” Her girlish voice screamed at you as she shook your shoulders with an urgency you were unfamiliar with. Growling in pain as you tried to shake her off, only for her to have an iron grip on your shoulders, you also couldn’t shake off the way she had a weird smell to her almost as if she was burnt but you couldn’t find any injuries on her form as she faced you. Leaning away as your nose crinkled in a poorly veiled action of disgust.

 

“Yes, what’s going-” Not allowing you to say another word she’d begin to drag you by the wrist to wherever the hell you were apparently needed. You were limping as you were dragged along and you bit your lip in pain, she seemed adamant on bringing you, so it was very unlikely that she’d let you visit the infirmary for even a band-aid.  

 

It wasn’t until a few minutes later until you finally realized she had brought you to The Balladeer’s office. Staring at his luxurious doors that held a cold feeling to them, you’d turn around to see the girl had already turned around and started to leave. Typically, you would’ve called out and asked her what was wrong, but your attention was drawn to her back, a large gaping wound that would have seemed like a third-degree burn had it not been for what appeared to be small lightning veins that stemmed from the main wound. The sight was graphic but acknowledgment that was what you had been smelling the entire time made you feel sick. Knowing the perpetrator was probably just right inside the office did little to quell your unease. 

 

Turning back around as you shook your head, trying to shake the awful feeling off but it still lingered on your shoulders like a heavy weight. Now hyper aware of the pain that spread through your entire being like an angry forest fire, knocking on the doors before you and just entering when you didn’t receive a response. Maybe he actually wasn’t here, and you’d actually get lucky? 

 

All hope was gone when you saw the young man standing in front of the small window located in his office, he appeared to be calm, too calm…Like the sea’s calm and peaceful tide before the wrathful tyranny of a storm’s raging anger. You closed the door behind you but immediately stood straight like he was some predator that wouldn’t be able to see you if you stood still.   

 

“Where were you…” He broke the silence, unmoving from his position. It sent uncomfortable shivers down your spine at the calmness of it all, you felt like you were drowning in the tension and if this was his goal, he was going above and beyond with accomplishing it. It felt like you had a lump in your throat, he made you feel like you were a child getting caught stealing from the cookie jar and now facing the appropriate repercussions for it. Have you done something wrong? All you wanted to do was be useful. 

 

“I’ll ask again since you’re deaf or just plain dumb–” His voice growled as he turned his body to glare at you, taking in your injured form as it only caused him to narrow his indigo eyes even more. 

 

“–Where were you. ” It wasn’t a question, knowing that much. He didn’t bother himself with such trivial things, so he’d demand it, not like people didn’t have an option to disobey him either. 

“I was- I was out collecting firewood, for the fire, Sir- I mean my Lord!” Cringing at your multiple trip ups over your own words, normally you would have been burning with embarrassment but now you had the new addition of wanting to scamper off in fear like a rabbit running from the predatory wolf. He just rolled his eyes at the pathetic sight that was you, his eyes running over your body for the wood you had just spoken about and the sight of nothing only angered him more. 

 

He let out a scoff as he walked over to you, long strides with furious steps as he reached and grabbed the collar of your uniform. Pulling you frighteningly close to his ethereally pretty face as you couldn’t help but feel your cheeks heat up even more even if this was the way you were probably going to die.  

 

He was practically spitting at you as he spoke, “Very bold of you to blatantly lie directly to my face, either you’re an idiot or you’re foolishly implying that I’m the dumb one here.” Feeling the venom in every word as he spoke to you, trying to pull away in an attempt to get some form of personal space from the man but he only moved to yank you closer. 

 

“That’s not- I would never imply something like that!” The feeling of fear was a completely foreign feeling to you, it was terrifying honestly. The way this guy had turned you into a stuttering and whining mess, not even in the fun way either, you didn’t even know your voice could go that high but then again, you’ve never had to plead for something as important as your innocence in this court case. If he was your permanent Harbinger, you probably would have gone to go hug a mitachurl years ago, with open arms and the biggest grin you could ever muster.  

 

Taking a deep breath but it did nothing to calm or even ease your nerves, “Ruin guard.” 

 

“What?”

 

“There was a Ruin Guard in the woods, my lord…” 

 

A bark of laughter erupted from the man, it held no happiness in it and the sound itself was absolutely patronizing. He let go of the collar of your uniform, practically shoving you back which sent you almost stumbling to the floor in an embarrassing manner. 

 

“Judging by your appearance, am I wrong to assume you dealt with it accordingly?” He spoke up after having a good chuckle over your demise. Could you even consider that a laugh? Either way it sent uncomfortable shivers down your spine as you shifted from one foot to the other to support your injured form. 

 

“About that…I’m not exactly sure about its current status, my lord.” Came your hesitant voice, at your words you half expected him to just uppercut you with the way his glare just deepened and what could’ve been considered joyful mood had now been thrown to the floor, stepped on, spit on, and now set on fire. 

 

“How did you even earn the rank…Are you that weak you can’t handle a Ruin Guard?" The shorter male shouted; the sight would’ve made you laugh if you weren’t trying your best trying to shrink in on yourself to appear as small as possible. An action you hadn’t done since your early recruitment into the Fatui, swallowing your pride simultaneously left a bitter taste in your mouth. 

 

All you wanted at the moment was to be dismissed and head straight for the infirmary once again, where you would also proceed right to your cozy, suffocating felt more right, little room. Sucks to be you though because the gods despised you since birth and things hardly ever went your way, maybe getting your vision was the Tsaritsa bestowing her pity upon you and also cursing you at the same time. Either way you felt like a weed that no matter how hard you’d pull right out of the ground, it’d come back with an unwavering will of continuously being a pain in the ass. Having your fair share of other entities just like this dilemma, the Ruin Guard was a shitty example but was one, nonetheless. 

 

“I was caught off guard, in division 11 we have soldiers patrol the area to avoid hostile mobs such as these-” At this point you were just waiting for his voice to cut you off, “So you’re saying that Childe’s division is superior to mine? I should electrocute you right where you stand like the pathetic dog you are, especially for making such a disgusting comparison in the first place.” His indigo eyes began to glow a dangerous purple as he menacingly approached you, steps being the only sound apart from the small cracks and sizzles you’d hear from the dying fireplace right beside you. 

 

‘Is this where I die? Holy shit he’s fucking terrifying…’ The most prominent thoughts shouted at you while you couldn’t do anything but stare in a horrified manner. Stuttering over yourself you spoke up and tried to defend your honor for the hundredth time, “No- no that’s not what I meant! I wasn’t trying to imply that!” 

 

Forgetting to utter your normal formalities to the Harbinger only served to piss him off much more than if you had just kept your mouth shut, although he did relish in the way you were cowering in fear before him. Flashing you a smirk of pure enjoyment before he placed a gentle hand on your shoulder, uttering a single word: 

 

“Bow.” 

 

The sound of your pained scream ripped through the office, the feeling of being shoved to the floor came second as you laid winded. The feeling of being shocked was suddenly and sharp, a feeling you’d hardly ever encounter to such a severe degree, it left your shoulder and the generally area of your body feeling as if it was on fire while tiny little needles poked and prodded at the skin, the way your muscles had suddenly tensed involuntarily only served to deal you more pain. The room felt as if it was spinning, leaving you in a distorted haze on the floor where your vision was blurred and your other senses felt like you were underwater with a sharp ringing in your ears that didn't help as you tried to steady yourself into a bowing position like the Harbinger before you demanded. 

 

It was your fault for getting mouthy with a person you knew never had been told no in his entire goddamned life, knowing this for a fact. The taste of something metallic resided on your tongue, had it been blood or just the aftereffects of suffering such a shock? That asshole must’ve dosed it just enough to cause as much physical pain as possible but while avoiding killing you altogether, otherwise you doubted you still would’ve been conscious and cursing Celestia in the meantime. 

 

The ache in your bones only grew more from your previous injuries, the recent assault on your body only worked to reignite the pain from your previous battle with the Ruin Guard that spread all the pain across like some sort of disease. It didn’t help that you were on your knees in a bowing position with your head pressed right to the floor, you wouldn’t have gone this far if your head didn’t feel as heavy as lead trying to keep it held up. 

 

Hearing the sound of a scoff that had been stuck between a laugh as well above you served as a reminder to not test your limits when it came to situations where you were obviously the much weaker one. Swearing to yourself that when Childe returned, you’d be extra nice to him, he probably sent you to do this like some sort of boarding school for children who acted out of line.  

 

“I apologize, my lord. I acted very much out of line, and it shall not happen again.” Fuck him. You didn’t mean the apology and you definitely didn’t act out of line; you just did what any sane person would’ve done which is probably why you were in your current situation but that doesn’t matter anymore. Your tongue felt slightly numb, and your words were slurred. 

 

“I see you picked that up easily, next time you really should learn your place. Not that I mind having to give you a small reminder.” His voice mocked you; it made you grit your teeth in anger, but you quickly stopped in fear that he’d see it and assume you were trying to deviate from your assigned path as an assistant. The thought of getting another ‘small reminder’ made you feel sick to your stomach, or maybe you were already sick to your stomach? Either way you wanted to get out and away from his never-ending wrath lest you be caught in the unforgiving thunder once more. 

 

“You’re dismissed, assistant.” Looking up you saw the way he gazed at you with such hatred and if you didn’t know any better, curiosity. 

 

Quickly picking up your weakened form, stumbling to the door as you almost fell over when a sudden lightheadedness had suddenly overcome you. You’d rush out from the office and make a beeline towards the infirmary, clenching your hands into fists where your nails dug into the palm of your hand and left the shape of small crescent moons. 

 

“Fuck that guy.” Your words of venom came out in a puff of smoke, the freezing air of Snezhnaya nipped at the exposed skin in your torn uniform.  

 

Chapter 6: Flinging Dirt

Summary:

We get a letter.

The trip to the infirmary was short lived and painful, the rubbing alcohol on your wounds as they cleaned it still burned with every step you took back to your resting quarters. They pumped you full of painkillers after they concluded that you wouldn’t die in your sleep from an untreated head concussion during your small fight with the Ruin Guard. 

 

They had also given you a standard uniform after seeing the state your own was in, multiple holes and burns in the fabric ruined it and made you look homeless much to your displeasure. One of the medics had told you that you’d gotten off easy considering the fact that you’d told them about the electric burns you thought you’d receive from The Balladeer. You hadn’t doubted their words as the memory of the female Fatui soldier flashed in your mind, momentarily wondering how she was doing when you were informed about a soldier in urgent care with the same injuries described to you. No doubt it was the same girl that had fetched you from your little rendezvous with the Ruin Guard. 

 

It was an uncomfortable thought that you could’ve been alongside her in urgent care with a similar wound to the one on her back, it raised the question on why you were sitting on your pathetic excuse of a bed instead of the infirmary beds. The Balladeers smirk flashing in your mind before the feeling of the electro element in your body surged throughout, he clearly enjoyed causing you pain and the fact that you were also his assistant, punching bag was more accurate, explained why you got off easily as the other medics said while they treated your burns. 

 

You felt like a broken record at this point but you really did miss your respective Harbinger, Childe, he treated you like a lapdog and damnit, you enjoyed that kind of living. The way your body was constantly aching now served as a painful reminder that you had to stay sharp and vigilant in the presence of The Balladeer. There would be no more times where you could relax in the warmth of an office as you filled out paperwork not meant for your eyes to see, it was melodramatic but that's how it felt. Obviously upon Childe’s return you would show no signs that you had missed him, or rather how easy you had things in the Fatui.

 

‘Stop complaining, others have it worse and you know that.’ You shook your head as you thought to yourself, laying down on your cot as the familiar creaks and squeaks came from it. It was honestly only a matter of time before the entire thing just fell apart on you in mid nap, although you hoped that would be a long time from now. 

 

Without another worry, you drifted off into a much-needed peaceful slumber.    

 

____________________________________ 

 

  

“No, no, you move your foot here. If you place it there, you’ll only trip over yourself in the dance like that.” 

A loud crash resonated in what appeared to be your home, the person you had just warned clearly didn’t heed any concern to your advice and now ended up on the floor after stumbling into the pots and pans that you kept stored in the corner of your home. The sight was ridiculous and you couldn’t help but let out a small giggle despite the fact that every time you tried to get a good look at the person's face it felt hazy, like a barrier separating you from reality. 

 

You’d just ignore it as you’d done every time, it was normal in the moment after all. The way things had always been, right?  

 

The feeling of helping someone up from the floor was the second thing that came to you while your voice ringing out was the first. The hand was soft and cold in your warm grasp, yet you still held on as you gently picked them up from the floor. 

 

“You make it look so easy…I’m sorry, I should’ve listened.” They spoke, the embarrassment was evident in the way they carried themself, shying away from your sight as you retreated to clean up the small mess. A small smile graced itself upon your face as you faced them, with a pot in hand. 

 

“Don’t worry about it, you’re learning surprisingly fast. I remember when my mother taught me I was all over the place, I even had a few bruises from falling!” You hoped the small story that was the origin of your dancing would help to lighten the mood, quickly noticing the way your guest grew very uncomfortable at the mention of your mother, or was it the part where you had said you’d stumble? 

 

“Hey, what’s wrong–” You were cut off almost immediately, “ You had a mother, too?” They looked almost desperate, the way they suddenly rushed at you and invaded your personal space was unnatural. What was going on? 

 

Backing away from them as you let out a nervous chuckle, gently placing your hand on their shoulder and pushing them away in hopes to shake off their odd behavior. Have you mentioned a sore subject? Possibly, but you are acutely unaware due to the mystery following your kind little guest. 

 

“Yea, we all have one don’t you know?” You stated rather confused at the sudden outburst, it was uncommon for them to act erratic. Granted they acted very eccentric, but you shoved that thought away for now. 

 

“She didn’t leave you?” They asked, voice wavering slightly as they ignored your shove and only moved to push themself closer. Grabbing onto the hem of your shirt in a pathetic attempt to stay as close as possible. 

 

“Huh?” 

 

________________________________________ 

The stiffness in your neck woke up your exhausted form, sitting up stiffly as you groaned. The pops from your aching joints sounded out throughout the room as you swung your feet over the edge of your cot. 

 

“Archons…I feel like I’m sixty.” Grumbling slightly as you looked at the clock that hung across your room, it was eight in the morning. Slight surprise made its way onto your face because you typically never woke up this early, it was always the afternoon when you’d wake up unless Childe explicitly told you to meet with him early and it was usually only to absolutely kick your ass in training. 

 

Stepping off the bed and feeling the chill of the floor against your feet was uncomfortable but familiar, what wasn’t familiar was the small knock you’d hear on your door. It was almost so quiet that you couldn’t tell if you’d just hallucinate it all together, taking a reluctant step towards your door and opening it just to at least ease your nerves. 

 

“Took you long enough! Hurry and take it!” Apparently you did not hallucinate it, a Fatui soldier shoved a box with what seemed to be an envelope on top into your arms. Guess it was just mail delivery, but why were you receiving mail? 

 

“Also it’s really not a good idea to just leave your weapon outside your room, crooks are everywhere y’know.” Without another word the soldier left you in a confused silence as you mulled their words in your head, what were they even talking about. 

 

‘I never left a weapon outside my room…? What’re they talking about?’ You thought to yourself as you peeked outside your door and were met with a polearm leaning against the wall, not just any polearm though, it was the one you’d assume would be lost forever to the Ruin Guard. At the sight of it a quick jolt of excitement coursed through your body as you shuffled your existing mail into one of your arms and grabbed the spear with another. 

 

The lightweight metal felt familiar in your grasp, there was only one question in your mind though about the whole strange morning ordeal. 

 

“How did someone find my weapon? Or who…whatever. Never look a gift horse in the mouth I guess.” Mumbling to yourself and the spider that made its home in the crevice of your room. 

 

You were suspicious but there honestly was no point in looking into the situation any further, all that mattered was that you’d gotten your weapon back and the smaller details such as who had the time to destroy the mechanical beast while proceeding to pull out the weapon and return it back to your quarters simply didn’t matter. Also not wanting to jinx it and lose your weapon again, Childe’s superstitious attitude had rubbed off onto you after you made a comment on how nice the weather was only for a blizzard to appear right after and of course Childe blamed you while hitting you upside the head for ruining it. You couldn’t help but to believe that maybe a little bit of it was true? 

 

Laying your spear against the wall as you set your mail down onto your desk and taking a seat down onto your, almost broken but not yet, chair. Debating on which to open for you couldn’t help the way your hands reached for the box, laying it onto your lap as you lifted the top carefully and were immediately met with a sleek black material, a new uniform! Or the same uniform just a replaced one, the burn holes and tears were extremely unflattering and especially to someone as high ranking as yourself. 

 

Your mood was immediately lifted as you were glad that you didn't have to wear the Fatui Uniform like all the other shrimps, you were a Harbinger’s assistant so what was the harm in showing off a little?  There was no problem in you trying to fluff up your feathers a little bit, and maybe you were slightly narcissistic but compared to everyone else you were a saint. 

 

Setting your uniform aside, you’d decide to put it on later when you’d make your way back to The Balladeer’s office. As terrifying as that sounds, especially with the previous activities that unfolded last night, and not even in the fun way. Grabbing the envelope, looking at the waxed crest with the letter ‘T’ in a fancy font on the red wax, who did you know with that letter in their name? Whoever it was, was very obviously rich, even the material of the envelope screamed expensive. 

 

Tearing open the envelope with the most non-graceful tear because you couldn’t be bothered to be any more gentle, but you were careful as you grabbed the card that laid inside, it appeared to be a greeting card of a geo slime that had googly eyes. Whoever sent this was obviously an idiot that had too much money to spend, seriously who picked out this sort of card? 

 

‘Smells kinda like dirt.’ Thinking to yourself as you rolled your eyes one last time at the googly eyes of the card, it was funny, if you were a five year old. Huffing slightly as you open the card to see what the contents inside followed–

 

“Fuck me!” Screeching at an ungodly level, throwing the card onto the desk as you clawed at your eyes. The fuckface that sent you the card had actually sent you a prank card, the kind that shot a random substance that ranged from glitter to confetti. It was of course in good jest the whole point in the letters, you got dirt. Dirt was flung into your eyeballs. 

 

Letting out a whine as you rubbed your eyes, tears building up as your body tried to reject the foreign substance and much to your luck it sort of worked. You could see but at the cost of your eyes burning and extreme uncomforted every blink you took, you knew your eyes were bloodshot by now. Grabbing at the card like some feral animal, seething with rage as you demanded to know who sent you such an amateur gag that you’d easily fallen victim to. 

 

Grabbing the letter and dusting off whatever dirt remained you could sense the Anemo residuals left behind that was used to shoot the dirt, your hands trembled slightly as your body coursed with pure adrenaline from the amount of anger you had felt. This slight inconvenience had angered you far much more than the treasure hoarders or the showdown between you and the ruin guard that had taken your weapon. 

The letter had read as followed,  

---

Hey girly!

 

 Hope you liked the little surprise I sent you, Liyue is actually more fun than I had originally anticipated. I’ve met the Traveler and his energetic floating companion, they’re really strong too, definitely fit for battle! Anyways I just wanted to say not to miss me too much, I’ve gotten a considerable amount of work done and I predict my return will be much sooner than expected. How are things with Scaramouche The Balladeer? Very fun I presume? Hopefully you’re having as much fun as I am over there, I have to admit I’m missing Snezhnaya’s chilling winds as it's warm and slightly humid at the harbor over here but I can forget that for now with how scenic Liyue has been so far. My only complaint is that they use these things called chopsticks instead of forks, two little sticks you’re supposed to use to pick up your food in a pinching motion and honestly I can’t recall how many times I’ve had to use my hands to eat. Anyways enjoy the photo I took with one of the people I’ve met over here! I definitely plan to take you here when this is all over and done with, I feel like your tense personality will definitely ease up over here! 

 

-Your favorite Harbinger, 

Tartaglia (Childe) 

 

P.s. please respond to this I actually have no idea if you’re still alive or not   

 

---

 

Was it really any surprise that the sender was Childe?

 

Deadpanning as your eyes scanned the letter, the letter was easy enough to read as Childe probably wrote it that way for your convenience. You took a look at the picture that was laid in the card, it was a photo of Childe with the biggest grin ever and an older man in a suit who looked very uninterested in the photo altogether. The sight made you let out a small scoff mixed with a laugh. 

 

“I guess that idiot has a knack for being over the top, even with people he’s barely met.” Speaking to yourself as you analyzed the stranger he was with, the man screamed professional and wise even with his piercing amber colored eyes. Childe was definitely having much more fun than you but that honestly wasn’t much of a surprise considering his extrovert personality. 

 

Going back to scanning the contents of the letter you couldn’t help but point out a few odd things, the first being who the hell was ‘The traveler and floating companion’? Must’ve been someone interesting enough for Childe to gush about his obvious want for a fight, his violent tendencies clearly weren’t hidden in the letter written. Another was ‘Scaramouche’ although the name was poorly crossed out you couldn’t help but speculate, was that The Balladeers true name? It was rare when you’d get to find out the more human parts of the Harbingers, just as you had now found out Childe’s real name was Tartaglia.  

 

All the rage that circulated in your veins had now died down to dull flame, the letter was interesting enough to help you ignore the stinging and watery eyes. A part of you that would never admit it out loud was happy that Childe had considered you important enough to send you a letter along with a silly picture, the line between boss and employee got blurred when it came to the two of you but you never really minded it. 

 

It felt nice to mean something to someone.  

 

‘I’ll send him a letter later on today.’ Thinking as you set the letter down carefully along with the photo, you’d set it up somewhere when you had the time but for now you’d have to start getting ready to probably get hit again by Scaramouche, The Balladeer, whatever the hell you were supposed to call the young man that had never taken an anger management class in his entire life. 

 

Quickly gearing up in your newly sent uniform and making a point to leave the hood off, tying on your cryo vision with a small wipe on the cold and glassy surface that caused it to glow a bright frosty color. Having a vision definitely kicks ass and without it you honestly don’t believe you’d be standing in your room right now, as funny as that sounded it made an uncomfortable thought flicker on in your brain and will definitely be one of the things your brain makes you stay awake all night thinking about.  

 

Leaning over slightly, taking a hold of your spear you’d swing it over your shoulder and feel it fade away into the odd Hammer space no one had ever thought to question. Perhaps it was just one of the many perks vision wielders got to take advantage of, not that you had any complaints in the first place.

 

Making your way to the office of your boss started off easy enough but the closer you grew, each step you took felt like someone was putting rocks into your pockets. It was only normal for your body to be subconsciously against meeting with him after all that had happened these past few days, even if it wasn’t helpful at all in the slightest. 

 

‘Days…it’s only been a few days, feels like months.’ You thought with a troubled sigh. 

 

Finally reaching the two fancy doors that never seemed to lose their appeal no matter how many times you saw them. Balling your hand into a half-heart fist you’d slowly raise them and knock your knuckles against the definitely imported wooden doors, ignoring the way the sound reverberated in the already creepy hallway. If the boogeyman was real, he’d definitely live here. 

 

“ Come in .” A sharp voice called out. 

 

‘How does he already sound pissed off?’ You made a good effort to wipe off any traces of disgust and annoyance off of your face as you entered the office, gently shutting the door behind you. 

 

“Good morning, my lord Balladeer.” Were you pushing it by addressing him as his Fatui title? Probably, but how could he get mad at you addressing him in a respective manner? Taking a quick notice of he wasn’t wearing his hat at the moment and not helping the fact that you can’t help but admit he looked subjectively beautiful, sucked how his personality made the thought dim down largely. 

 

“Save the pleasantries for someone who actually cares.” He snapped, looking up from where he sat at his desk and offered you a cold glare, maybe if you got lucky, he’d bare his teeth at you like some savage beast!  

 

‘–Once again the man proves me wrong, what’s his deal today?’ You just nodded your head at his words, ignoring the way he looked at you and proceeded to just roll his eyes as he went back to doing whatever the hell a harbinger does when not causing war and chaos in each room they enter. Cough, cough, Childe, cough, cough. 

 

After a good thirty minutes of standing in silence, save for the scratches that came from the pen as The Balladeer wrote, right beside the desk and staring off into space while you let mundane thoughts fly in and out of your mind a quick knock sounded from the door that brought you back to reality. Looking at it as you tilted your head slightly, a sense of Deja vu rushed over you from the previous day so much so you half expected the same soldier with the odd uniform to waltz right back into here. 

 

“What is it now?” The irritated voice called out from beside you, beckoning the person in. With a soft click the door opened to reveal just a normal Fatui soldier and the only noticeable item on their person was the fact they were holding an envelope and carried themselves as if they were entering a lion's den while being a gazelle, you didn’t blame them in the slightest. “This- this came in the m-mail for you, my lord.” 

 

Even you couldn’t help the way your face cringed at the pitiful sight before you, thankfully no one noticed, or none cared to pay much attention to your blatant disrespect. Watching with curious eyes as The Balladeer stood from where he sat and stomped over to snatch the envelope from the soldier while waving them out as if they were some fly, the thought not being too imposed as they scattered out like some scared rodent. 

 

He only spared you a quick glance as he opened up the envelope and pulled out the contents of what appeared to be a letter and as much as you wanted to ask what it was for, you bit your tongue and just waited for him to reveal or not, most likely the latter. 

 

After another few minutes of watching your boss read the letter, he let out a large sigh and tossed it onto his desk. Walking to retrieve something on the other side of his desk and to no surprise it was his signature hat, you did have to admit he looked much smaller without the thing on him and perhaps you would’ve let out a few small chuckles if you didn’t value what little life you had been living as of late. 

 

“Let’s go.” The Balladeer finally spoke, it wasn’t harsh or demanding and if anything, he just looked like he was being inconvenienced with the whole situation. Assuming it was a situation as you had no actual idea what was happening at the moment. 

 

Quickly moving to open the door for him, watching him take large strides out of the office. Perhaps it was the perfect time to ask just what exactly were the two of you going without the fear of having your head torn off or something grotesque such as that. 

 

“If you don't mind me asking, my lord–”, not even being able to finish your sentence as you slightly struggled to keep up, “Spit it out already.” 

 

“Just where exactly are we going?” Your curiosity was slightly piqued. 

 

“The Abyss.” He responded calmly, as if he were telling you the weather. 

Huh?      

Chapter 7: Down We Go

Summary:

Having fun in the abyss.

Was he being serious?    

 

The Abyss wasn’t anything new, almost normal in a sense with the way you’d have to deal with the occasional Abyssal Mage who strayed too far into camp or just while out on a mission with Childe. Not to mention the occasional story the ginger would tell you as the two of you had just made camp from your most recent mission, bonfire burning bright as he’d reenact his training with an unnamed master while you, of course, watched from across with the most bemused face at some of his words as some of it was the most horrifying experiences you could think of. Explained why the tall male had a few screws loose if that was his role model.  

 

The memories could be considered fond, the smell of the fire and smoke etched itself into a small crevice of your mind that oftentimes you’d forget about until the rare occasion presented itself to you again.      

 

“Pardon my inquiries, but what do you mean ‘The Abyss’, my lord.” Feeling quite bold today as you asked your question, maybe you’d get lucky and receive an answer from him? 

 

“The Tsaritsa sent a letter asking for me to do a small investigation of an unexplored rift in Mondstat, leading to The Abyss. Obviously, I would normally investigate alone but we can maybe see this as another trial for you?” With his words, he’d slightly turn his head to offer a grin, of course with an unfortunate amount of malicious intent that’d easily tell you were going to have your work cut out for you today. 

 

‘Childe’s just going to have to wait on that letter I presume.’ Deflating at the thought of having more injuries but at least you had your weapon on your person instead of having forgotten the piece entirely, but hey! You were making progress with The Balladeer, and good progress at that. 

 

It was probably the first time he spoke to you without yelling, insulting you, or attempting to hurt you. Given that he was most likely trying to foreshadow something much more insidious, you’d ignore it for now and just bask in your triumph just for a little while longer. This was surely a new breakthrough, right? 

 

Granted you could care less if the man liked you or not, but for some odd reason you felt a strong urge at having to appease him and the cause was most likely due to the fact that the nature of appeasing this temperamental creature was nearly impossible. Blaming Childe for your odd urge for praise that actually felt like it mattered rather than having it given to you on a silver platter. 

 

‘The human brain works in mysterious ways I suppose- wait did he say Mondstat?’ The thought flashes in your brain, how the hell were the two of you supposed to get there on foot? The trip itself would definitely take a few weeks and maybe a month if you got unlucky, debating whether or not to ask him you decided against as you weren’t too keen on pushing your luck with him, and instead decided to observe your surroundings. 

 

After another five minutes of walking in silence, trying to ignore the upcoming frostbite that seemed to pose a threat despite your cryo vision and the granted gift being the ability to control the cold that came with it. You were only human after all, unlike the guy in front of you, he wasn’t even showing the slightest hint of being cold despite the way he was clothed, seriously what was with this guy? 

 

Looking up ahead you spotted a small pillar that you’d recognized as a waypoint, a cold dread crept up your spine as the realization hit you altogether. It wasn’t as if you held a strange grudge against the gadget or something silly such as that but on the occasion you and Childe could get the device to successfully work after around twenty minutes of circling and hitting it, the sickness of using it after was a pain in the ass, call it motion sickness but the way you’d almost always stumble around in a confused daze was embarrassing enough and the fact you were with The Balladeer didn’t help to save your case.  

 

Finally reaching the dusty waypoint you couldn’t help but stand a couple feet away, your stomach twisting in uncomfortable knots almost as if you were being forced to jump off of Dragonspine with no wind glider. The Balladeer walked up with his same air of arrogance, lifting a handout before he turned and glared at you. 

 

“What are you doing? Come here.” He snapped as reached out and harshly gripped your wrist, successfully dragging you forward. 

 

One minute you were feeling fine as a daisy, the next you were holding your stomach as you scampered off to the side and your body swaying to an uncoordinated rhythm. It was a pain, the sickness or whatever you could call it had made you feel seasick and dizzy all at once not even noticing the way the sun had lightened up the entire land and strong gusts of wind blew south. 

 

The Balladeer raised a confused eyebrow at your strange behavior, it wasn't until it clicked that he let out a dry laugh, “C’mon, don’t tell me a little waypoint has you this disoriented.” 

 

You couldn’t do anything but squeeze your eyes shut and try to take in a few breaths of fresh and warm air, Mondstat almost always had nice weather. Such a shame you were feeling poor, The Balladeers patronizing words did little to soothe your mind and body.  

 

“Sorry, my lord.” You grumbled out as you straightened out, feeling the haze of whatever malady that had consumed your being slowly begin to leave. Though in replacement you had a headache, much rather taking something, you were familiar with rather than whatever you could call that. 

 

“Pathetic.” The Balladeer rolled his eyes as he turned on his heel and began to walk in the opposite direction, watching the way the black veils of his hat blew with the wind and the soft chimes of the bells rang in the front and for a split second you had a familiar feeling that gone as soon as it came. Shaking your head as you quickly ran to walk behind him, taking a glance over at the scenery and trying to pinpoint exactly where you were, you had some experience with being in Mondstat so you weren't entirely in the dark over here. 

 

Seeing Windrise on your very far right and concluding you were in fact walking away from the city of Mondstat and heading in the general direction of one the temples you had forgotten the name of already. Giving yourself a slight pat on the back for the mini map you had stirring in your mind, this was definitely the step in the right direction especially after coming to Mondstat in your early recruitment days and getting yourself lost in Dadaupa Gorge for a few days. Thankfully no one seemed to notice your disappearance or the way your entire body was littered in cuts and bruises. 

 

“Keep on guard, the rift should be somewhere around here.” Spoke the shorter male as he continued to walk, taking a short pause as he looked around, and maybe, just maybe this was your chance to prove to him that you weren’t a total dunce? 

 

Luckily for you, you had yourself a useful little trait that not many knew about. You could see elemental traces, as far as you knew you were the only person that you personally knew who was able to harness this trait to such a high extent with a certain sensitivity to the elements and due to that you often forgot the fact you even had it at most times, and plus it wasn’t often where you actually needed to use it but thank Archons you could. 

 

Closing your eyes for a brief moment as you focused on just any elemental traces left behind by Abyss Mage, opening them back up you felt a trail left behind by a Pyro mage. They were fickle creatures who often wandered around with no actual sense of direction or a need to even be at a given place, but this trail was different, this Abyss mage absolutely had somewhere to be, and the question was where was that place? 

 

“This way my lord.” Walking with a fast pace and following the trail before it was disturbed by a slime or any other elemental beings, you began to realize that it was leading you to the side of Starsnatch Cliff. It wasn’t long before you reached the destination, feeling your elemental sight fade out long before you even reached the odd place, but you didn’t need it with how strong the aura of the place even was, not to mention the entrance looked very off from the surrounding area. A wide hole that seemed almost bottomless, it gave you the creeps just looking at it. 

 

“Good job, doggy.” The feeling of being shoved out of the way made you jump out of your skin, watching the way The Balladeer had begun to inspect the hole before giving a slight huff and ultimately jumping in. 

 

“Wait-...did he seriously…dammit.” Calling after your boss and biting your lip in hesitation after watching him effortlessly hop in, obviously you had to follow after because who knows what the consequences would be if you didn’t? Plus, you didn’t want to chicken out right when you were about to do something interesting, or what you’d hoped to at least be interesting. 

 

Turning your back to the hole as you tried to mentally prepare yourself for your jump inside the Abyss, why couldn’t you just fall back? Were you actually scared of this? 

 

Slapping yourself harshly on your cheek, the feeling of tears poke at your eyes as a result served as a good enough rush of adrenaline before you felt yourself fall back into the hole.  

_________________________________________  

The wind was immediately knocked out of your lungs as you landed onto a hard surface, directly on your back. Now you understand why The Balladeer opted to only just hop inside the portal, hole, whatever the damned thing could be considered, then to be like you who did a trust fall into the Abyss, literally. In hindsight you have no idea what you were thinking, your last two brain cells were clearly fighting for third place before pulling that stunt. 

 

Painfully peeling yourself from up off the floor, hearing a few joints pop as you do so. Looking around for your very mean boss, now realizing that you were completely alone wherever the hell you were with the sudden feeling of dread prick at your skin. 

 

You couldn’t use your elemental sight for the mere fact that it seemed as if you were surrounded by all of the elements themselves, an anomaly you’ve never had the misfortune of facing up until this moment. What could you even do at this moment? 

 

“Sir! My lord! Anyone…?” Calling out as you started to walk around aimlessly, it appeared you were in some kind of ruins but to where you were not able to answer. Sighing as you sulked slightly and continued to walk. The two of you had been separated in the abyss, not the best place to be lost in mainly because you had no idea on how you were even supposed to get out in the first place. 

 

Kicking some pebbles, taking another glance around for better measure. It was a lost cause at this point, that was until you spotted a geo slime just as it spotted you. Quickly summoning your spear as you ran at the creature, it was a good distance away and started to hop away from you after realizing you posed a greater threat than it. Successfully impaling the slime and seeing that it didn’t melt away on impact you’d charge your spear just at the tip with cryo and explode the slime from the inside, groaning as the slime condense got all over your clothes and skin. 

 

“Don’t know what I expected there…this uniform will never be safe as long as I wear it…” Whining as you wiped the dead slimes guts off of your and face with a disgusted grunt, flicking it off to the side as you tucked your spear back into its comfortable nothingness. Obviously cleaning the slime condense off of it first. 

 

____________________________ 

 

Wandering around the ruins for what seemed like the past hour, you could feel yourself begin to grow physically angry. Not knowing where you were with the mix of the chance you weren’t going to be able to make it back to base didn’t sit well with you. Lip bleeding from how hard you’d begin to chew on it absentmindedly, you wanted out. Is this how a Crystalfly felt after being caught in the unfortunate grasp of a child? 

 

Finally reaching a room that seemed to be different from the rest, it was large in scale, very large. The most notable thing being the odd mass that seemed to form a key, what the hell was that? 

 

Taking careful steps towards the item, not noticing the way the only two exits had now been sealed off by an unfamiliar type of force, it was as if the key colored a deep shade of red that reflected a different shade with every step you took beckoning you closer. You didn’t realize what you were doing until your hand was pressed against the large key, a weird shiver going down your spine as you watched the key dissipate and heard a gruff growl from behind you. 

 

“The hell–” Barely dodging out of the way before a Mitachurl slammed its ax right on the spot you were standing at, hearing the shouts and roars of surrounding Hilichurls. 

 

‘Where the hell did, they all come from?!’ Pulling your spear from the air as you put distance from the hoard of monsters it was then you’d realize you couldn’t leave the area. Sending a gust of a blizzard-like wind to push the mob farther away from your person. Stabbing the stray Hillichurl right into the stomach and watching it crumble to the floor in death as you ripped your spear out.  

 

After managing to take out the crowd of Hilichurls with ease you’d look around, why hadn’t the entrances unsealed? Walking over and pressing a hand to them in confusion, feeling it physically push you away before you could even touch it like some sort of magnetic field. A sudden feeling of your side painfully freezing up, snapping your head in the direction to see another crowd of Hilichurls now mixed with large slimes and fortunately for you the cryo slime had gotten to you first. 

 

Something was clearly amiss, after all it wasn't exactly normal for these creatures to just spawn out of nowhere. It was clearly the doing of the Abyss, but you weren't exactly an all-knowing god so for now you’d be forced to impale the slime and sling it into a Mitachurl’s shield, breaking it with the cryo burst as a result of the dead slime. 

 

Running towards the Hilichurls, you'd create another mock blizzard that would freeze the creatures making it easier to just kick or hit their bodies with your spear causing them to crumble. It was a much cleaner way to kill them as opposed to just stabbing them with your spear, not that you’d mind or anything, it was just a quicker and slightly more efficient way to deal with it. 

 

Infusing your spear with the cryo elements and running as fast as your agile body could take you, you’d hop onto the frozen body of a Hilichurl and use it as leverage to gain height at a quick pace while simultaneously aiming your spear towards the now defenseless Mitachurl who caught off guard by your sudden jump and couldn’t accurately anticipate your next move. With clean precision you’d drive the sharp end of your spear into the Mitachurls head and with a satisfying crunch, dig it deeper into the skull or whatever these beasts had behind their masks. 

 

Pulling your weapon out, you’d jump off of the Mitachurl before it’d inevitably fall and hit the ground. With your back turned you’d aim to attack another Hilichurl before feeling the thump of its body colliding with the floor. It took you some time to realize that the bodies of the Hilichurls and other creatures would simply disintegrate into nothingness, brows furrowed in confusion as you would try to process exactly what was going on. 

 

Taking only a moment more, you’d just shrug and nod it off, a kill was a kill.

 

After about five minutes of this ongoing battle you were left panting, a grin made its way onto your face as you were now faced with the exact same pyro Abyss Mage whose elemental traces you’d been following. Pointing your weapon to the floor as you analyzed the beast, clearing your throat as you prepared to speak with the Mage. 

 

“What is the reasoning behind your appearance in Mondstat? Opening a rift that leads to the Abyss is quite careless don’t you think?” Dodging as a burst of flames were sent your way, the Abyss Mage hooting and dancing around as it taunted you, clearly amused by its own antics. The sight made you scoff, only then would you let out a small laugh. 

 

“I tried to play nice, fucker.” Without another second you’d create an almost perfect replica of your spear out of solid ice, grasping it in your free hand and shooting it right at the pyro shield that protected the Abyss Mage. It only cracked the shield by a small amount so in response you’d bring your fist up and make a crushing motion, watching as the mock spear shattered while cryo energy shot out. The sight in itself was beautiful, the way the ice shards glimmered resembled that of the stars in the night sky but the way you’d watch the Abyss mage fall to the floor in a confused daze was even more perfect. 

 

Within the blink of an eye, you stood towering over the Mage, pointing to the sharp end of your spear that for some odd reason no longer had or carried the stench of blood. Scoffing as the Abyss Mage let out a strange noise in fear. 

 

“I’ll ask again, one more chance. What’re you doing here in Mondstat?” Narrowing your eyes as you dug your spear slightly into the creature, it’d only try to shuffle away into fear. 

 

“Death…to humanity !” The Abyss mage growled out, it's off pitched voice only worked to piss you off some more. Guess you got one of the stupid ones. 

 

“Have it your way, dumbass.” Without another word being said, your spear dug into the Abyss Mage's neck or whatever was under the strange attire they wore. Watching as its body disintegrated and not leaving for a single trace of its appearance behind, was that the last of it?  

 

Hearing the war cry of a Hilichurl concluded your theory as you’d turn to face the now randomly spawned horde. 

 

“I’m definitely gonna be here for a while.” 

 

____________________________ 

 

The creatures just kept coming, wave after wave of Hilichurls, Mitachurls, slimes, Abyss Mages, and even the occasional Lawachurl. 

 

To say you weren’t exhausted would be a lie, your muscles strained to keep up with the high action in every fight you had. It was beginning to become too much for you, you were getting weak and as much as you didn’t want to admit it or even think of it, you had no idea how long you were going to last. 

 

Body being littered in cuts, burns, bruises, and if you got lucky, some frostbite. It was a sign of your sloppiness that only increased as the time passed, gritting your teeth as you stabbed the nth Hilichurl in a row and only having to push through the pain of overexerting yourself. 

 

Your hands running all the way up to your shoulders had begun to go numb as a result of overusing your cryo abilities, you hadn’t even known you had a limit until today. Nonetheless you kept pushing on, kept going. 

 

“Come at me bitch.” Snarling at the Mitachurl who began to charge at you with its oversized flaming ax, you’d seen the same sight over ten times in what felt like years but was only a couple hours. Unbeknownst to you, your focus on the beast charging at you forwards made you blind to the beast coming in at your side. Letting out a grunt of pain as you were sent flying and colliding with the floor just as quick and in your brief airtime you’d seen the cause of your mistake. Blind to a Mitachurl slamming you with their shield, it seemed that the rest of these Abyss creatures had begun to coordinate their attacks. 

 

They were getting smarter .  

 

And they were closing in on you very, very quickly. 

 

Watching with wide eyes and an agape mouth at the understanding of your current situation, also the fact you’d been bested by creatures who were widely known for their stupidity. It seemed that your end was inevitable by now, laying on the floor as you struggled to catch your breath. 

 

It would’ve, had it not been for a small trick you’d been hiding up your sleeve. 

 

Granted this was a recently learned talent and you’d never actually use it on the battlefield for the purpose of you not actually knowing if it’d work or not, but it was all you had at this point. Another reason you’d doubt the credibility of this trick was the fact you were already at your limit with your cryo abilities, and it took an absurd amount to even consider pulling up. 

 

You never focused on the small details though, you were the type to act and then think later.

 

Pushing yourself up off the floor and grabbing your spear along with it, you’d take a deep inhale and ignore the way your lungs were burning. If you don't time this right, it’d compromise the whole attack. Waiting only a second more you’d dig your spear into the floor with a force so strong it’d stab through the concrete floor. 

 

“May the Tsaritsa have mercy on your souls–” Mumbling as you closed your eyes and focused as hard as you possibly could while gathering all the cryo energy you could possible muster at that exact moment, raising up both of your arms you’d clench your fists again and open your eyes, muttering a single word.

 “ Die .”

Seconds later a deep rumble echoes through the ground and the room's temperature drastically drops, then a serpent's head made solely of ice rises from the floor with a gracefully menacing speed. The ground fractures and cracks as ice begins to consume the room in a dim blue, ice shards scattering across the floor making small clicking noises like gemstones in a bag.  

 

It was terrifyingly beautiful, leaving you in awe as you watched your creation come to life. 

 

Its scales are made of delicate pieces of ice, intricate and sharp that no sword could ever dream of breaking, gleaming with the elegance of shooting stars. The eyes of the serpent burned with a bright, yet unfeeling, azure glow. Burning with the same passion you’d see every morning in the mirror, two unyielding orbs pushed by a cold fury.  

 

Dead, yet so alive.

 

The maw of the beast was opened as soon as it rose from the floor, revealing rows upon rows of jagged, icicle-resembling teeth. In the blink of an eye it snaps shut, sending a gale upon you that’d cause you to hiss as the feeling of fast approaching frostbite consumed you. A sharp crunch–similar to the sound of an ice-covered lake breaking under great force, reverberates throughout the room. Leaving the room in a chilling silence as all of the previous monsters after you are ensnared in the serpent's icy grasp, disappearing along with the head as it begins to descend back into the floor. 

 

Leaving only an icy patch where it’d come from and the icy shard that had broken off of the inanimate serpent. 

 

Letting out a breath you hadn’t known you were holding, watching it come out in a puff of smoke. 

 

“I…did it.” You whisper in pure disbelief, a smile making its way onto your face as a sudden wave of lightheadedness consumes you, your body finally hitting its max. Swaying slightly as your body ultimately falls back and you lose consciousness quickly after, but not quick enough as you feel your body fall back into someone’s grasp. 

 

“Exceptional.”  

 

____________________________

 

The Abyss was a familiar place to Scaramouche, close enough to be considered his home with how much the Tsaritsa deployed him out here. 

 

After shoving you out of the way he’d honestly just expect you to succumb to your fears and stay on guard outside, he was fine with that, but the idea did disappoint him when he’d really thought about it. He was definitely going to berate you after this though, even if the mission was going to be a quick in and out with the maximum being one hour here. 

 

Time passed strangely in the Abyss; it was always different so who knows how long he was actually going to be in here? Two days, five minutes, it was always a gamble that he never paid much mind to. 

 

That’s why it was a shock when he’d hear the faint yelling of your sweet voice, shaking his head as he laughed to himself. You were always full of surprises, just as you always had been. That’s why he was always an asshole, he knew that much but your presence in itself was terrifying enough for him. Losing you was the straw that broke the camel's back, the main reason as to why he denounced humanity as a whole. 

 

Not bothering to call out in response, he didn’t want the trouble that came with it. He’d find you soon enough and the thought of your terrified face was amusing enough that he'd slow his pace down on purpose. He knew you could hold your own, intently observing you in the moments you thought you were alone and even going as far as to get your stupid weapon from the eye of the Ruin Guard. He didn’t feel remorse for hurting that night and in fact believed he was in the right, why on Teyvat would you ever go do something as idiotic and reckless as that? Your idiocy clearly only grew since the last time he’d seen you. 

 

Continuously walking and tracking the abnormalities in the Abyss with only one goal in mind, figure out what the Abyss Order was planning now. If that’d fail, he was just going to slaughter a lot of them and the thought was just as annoying as it sounded. He held a deep hatred for them, not for the fact that they were trying to kill humans and the sorts, he actually supported that, but it was the way they bunched together like roaches and weeds. No matter how many times he’d kill, destroy, electrocute the damned creatures they’d always find a way to pop back out in an even bigger mass and clump of shit. 

 

He held no regards for the weaklings that stood no chance alone.   

 

Wandering around the rooms that seemed to be a replica of the last with an uncertain amount of time passing as he did, he couldn’t help the way his mind constantly circled back to you. It was odd with the way you just had this effect on him that no matter how much time had passed and separation of the two of you, you'd always continuously have this bright energy just as strong as when he’d come to you as Kabukimono. 

 

Gritting his teeth as tried to snap out of it, it was hundreds of years ago. Clearly you don't remember and even if you did, he’d highly doubt you’d open your arms and embrace him just as you did so many times. The taint of spilling other bloods carelessly had stained him far too long ago and shed his innocence. You’d probably be disgusted with all the things he’d done if you had just known, especially with the ways he'd been so cruel and cold to you. 

 

He missed your warmth.  

 

A harsh slap to his cheek, coming from his own hand as he panted heavily. Eyes widened as he dug his nails into his fist and small tremors consumed his body as rage seeped from him or was it rage? The puppet was never good at emotions only because he truly believed he had none. 

 

‘What the hell am I even thinking about?’ Continuing to walk, a deep sense of shame had tried to make itself known but he pushed that deep down with the other unspoken silences. A deep pit took place where a heart should’ve been. He needed to focus on this mission.  

 

‘I sound like a damn dog, how pathetic.’ He took a deep breath, despite the fact that he had no real use for air and had only done it after copying the habit of humans for as long as he could remember. He felt on edge, and it was your fault. 

 

Not being used to foreign feelings such as these only made him want to shut them out further, but it was as useful as trying to carry sand using a strainer. He wasn’t used to not knowing things, especially when it came to his own self. After all these years of trying to reject his humanity as a whole only to be reduced to whatever this was, what was wrong with him? Had this been the true reason he was casted out by his mother upon his creation? 

 

“Sometimes we just have to make our own families when we don’t get lucky with the ones we have.”

 

Your words rang out in his head when he’d come to crying and explaining the reasoning behind his strange fascinations about the fact that you too, had a mother. Of course, you did your best to console his shaking form and archons–did he want to punch his past self for being so pathetic. It’s the way you’d always been though, so kind and caring even when you’d struggle taking care of him who’d just follow after you like some lost puppy.  

 

“Enough!” By now he was shaking his head, desperately trying to rid himself of the memories of the past. He wasn’t Kabukimono, he was Scaramouche. The Balladeer, sixth of the Fatui Harbingers. 

 

Tugging at the indigo strands of his hair, as he stumbled into the next room and spotted a small group of Hilichurls. Without a second thought he’d infuse their cursed bodies with a fatal amount of electro energy, relishing in the way they screeched and practically melted to the floor in a grotesque manner. This brought him comfort while simultaneously snapping him back to reality.

 

Straightening himself out and dusting off his clothes he’d step over the bodies that had already begun to dissipate, acting as nothing had ever happened in the first place. He didn’t care about the mission anymore; he wanted to find you and get the hell out of here. 

 

Spending a good chunk of time walking around the rooms and disposing of the occasional Abyss Mage. That’s when he heard it, the sound of a fight. Picking up his pace as he made a beeline straight for the cause of all the ruckus, had you gotten caught in the crossfire like an idiot? It was exhausting having to constantly save you from potentially fatal positions and today was obviously going to be the same. 

 

Or so he thought. 

 

The sight of an icy serpent ascending from the ground came as a shock to him, had the Abyss order managed to get their hands on something as troublesome as this? A feeling of fear consumed him as the thought that you had already gotten hurt while he was too busy sulking about irrelevant things. 

 

That was the case until he’d realize that the cause of the freezing force of power had been you, you were so concentrated and focused. Your beat-up body watching the sight unfold before you like a child watching fireworks, complete awe at your own strength. It became clear to him that you had completed his job for him, a part of him wondering where you had learned to harness your elemental abilities to such an interesting extent. 

 

He had little time to wonder as he watched the serpent leave just as quick as it came, successfully ridding the room of all the Abyssal creatures. Quickly stepping behind you as he caught you in his grasp, despite his short stature he had an impressive amount of physical strength which obviously wasn't surprising given the nature of his being. 

 

“Exceptional.” 

Notes:

Tbh this chapter took me longer to write because I had no idea where I was going with any of this, but it all worked out in the end, I hope

Chapter 8: Tatarasuna's Waves

Inazuma’s sun beats down on you gently, shaded by the clouds and soft blow of wind as you walk along the dirt road back to your humble abode. A basket full of lavender melons and other various kinds of fruits you’d collected laid on the side of your hip while one arm held it. 

 

“Kabuki! Come on, I don’t want to be walking home in the dark!” You called out, turning your head slightly to glance at the boy that had been distracted watching a Onikabuto beetle climbing a tree. The sight made you shake your head and laugh, bringing his eyes back to you in a second. 

 

The stranger’s name as he had told you was Kabukimono, at first you found it quite odd but didn’t press any further and over time you’d grown used to it. Even going as far as to gift him a nickname. He was–interesting to say the least, living life with a childlike joy and soaking in everything as if he were just born yesterday. You didn’t pry too much about his past when you’d see that he grew physically uncomfortable, his beautiful indigo eyes dawning a glossy cover as he began to cry. Leaving you to hold him and awkwardly pat him on the back, you weren’t the best at offering comfort. 

 

Originally you found him when the weather had suddenly turned sour and the rain beat upon the ground with a heavy hand. At the time he had just been walking and seemingly unphased by the onslaught of rain drenching him and his clothing, doing what any sane person would do; you'd simply bring him home and let him stay for the night. One night turned into a few days and a few days turned into a permanent roommate but you didn’t mind as you enjoyed his company and his funny way of acting, you couldn’t brush off the eccentric way of living he’d succumb to though.

 

Of course, you didn’t ignore the oddity of the whole mystery behind his person but no matter how much you tried to pry he seemed at times to not even know himself. Having a slight feeling that there was more than what meets the eyes, though it wasn’t as if you could complain since it was partially your fault as to why he was even here.  

 

He held an innocence to him that you couldn’t quite understand, it was almost as if this was his first time living amongst humans and maybe it was? The way you’d catch him sometimes staring at you with wide and attentive eyes while you slept or the way he’d study you while you’d complete mundane everyday tasks such as washing your clothes in the nearby river. 

 

A small part of you had believed that the name Kabukimono was not a name given to him at birth but rather a name assigned to him because of his nature. Of course you never said anything on the matter, finding the way his face always lit up when you’d call his name was far too adorable.  

 

“Coming!” He’d run up behind you, stumbling a little over his own feet as he slowed down to match your pace besides you. He still wore the clothes you’d originally found him in even when you had offered to make him some new clothing to which he was adamant on refusing, he never found out that it was you waking in the early morning to sew and fix his garments when they’d get torn and worn down with age.

 

 It had been your little secret since the poor thing seemed to get upset at the idea of you messing with them and you’d feel horrible letting him walk around in tattered clothes which you knew for a fact that he would do it and see no problem with doing so.  

 

Glancing at the feather that hung from his neck on a string and silently admiring the way it shined, remembering the way he dodged your questions when you had asked him about the origin of it. A foggy memory came to you about something having to do with it, a school lesson you had received as a child, but the knowledge was far lost to you by now. 

 

The fellow had secrets of his own, proving he wasn’t entirely an alienated being and most likely was brought up in a strange way. He knew how to do some things such as the basic essentials such as showering, cleaning, for some reason sword dancing, forgery of weapons, literacy, and making randomized crafts. Also cooking but he wasn’t exactly the best at it given he set your kitchen on fire one time. 

 

In the past he had hinted at living with other humans for a certain period of time, explaining why he knew how to do some tasks. That was all you could conclude without seeming nosey, not like he’d even tell you if you asked. He was strangely good at not being a pushover, sometimes even keeping you in the dark but it wasn’t like he knew what he was doing. He was far too kind to hide any other malicious intent towards you. 

 

“What do you want for dinner tonight?” You adjusted the basket in your hands to make carrying more easier, continuing to walk as you saw your home in the far distance. Looking over at Kabukimono who seemed distracted as he watched a crane fly overhead, quickly noticing your gaze he looked at you with slight embarrassment and a red tint to his cheeks as he shrugged and looked to the floor. A common reaction that you had stopped questioning long ago.  

 

“I’ll eat it if you make it…” He mumbled which caused you to sigh, he always said the same thing when you’d ask. 

 

“You know I always make it.”    

 

_______________________________________ 

 

Arriving at your small home, it was southwest along the coast of Tatarasuna. Isolated from any other residents living on the island as a result of your exile, the reasoning behind your exile had been a simple yet stupid reason. You hadn’t wanted to marry the chief's son who was a brute and pig combined, in retaliation they’d created a swarm of rumors that had ruined your reputation and landed you in this cozy house.  

 

There weren't any complaints from you, in fact you were quite proud of yourself for making it this far. The state of the house as you first found it was absolutely horrendous, over time though with many trials and errors you’d fixed the house up and made it as livable as possible. The river nearby was the main reason as to why this whole operation worked in the first place. 

 

In a way Kabukimono had saved you from the ruins of your own mind, isolation wasn’t treating you very kindly and he’d managed to save what little strands you had left. Without him you’d doubt you’d still even be here given the fact that you were quite weak and couldn’t go traveling as an adventure no matter how much your mind had longed to see the world; visionless. 

 

You were content with this life. 

 

Setting your basket of harvested goods down on your table, ushering Kabukimono away from your cooking area to which he’d go to sit on your bed and stare at you. It was routine at this point, the two fell into comfortable silence while you grabbed some lavender melons and stabbed them with a skewer and set them by the fire to roast. Grabbing another pot you’d begin to prepare some miso soup as it was quick and easy to make. 

 

Standing away from the fire as you left the items to cook, turning to face kabukimono and leaning on your table as you looked at him. It was odd with the way he’d watch you with his full attention but the second you directed all your attention onto him he became a red and stuttering mess, it was very cute to watch but sometimes annoying when it came to a serious matter. 

 

“So, what’d you see today?” Propping your head on your hands as you glanced at him with curiosity laced in your eyes, he always had something interesting to report back to you. Well, it was always a very mundane subject but the way he’d speak about it always felt like a breath of fresh air. The way he viewed life was honestly other worldly. 

 

“I dunno, I saw a lot of animals today…oh! I saw a cat! It had orange fur and green eyes, and it was really pretty, it even let me pet it too.” He smiled as he gushed about the furry fellow, knowing him he definitely tried to take it home with him. Of course, you’d always usher the random animal he’d bring him home out of the house when he wasn’t paying attention, claiming that they were going to miss an important meeting with all the other animals and for some funny reason he’d always believe you. Either that or he clamored his way towards you, sobbing as he cradled a small cut that rested on his hand only to turn back into smiles and giggles as soon as you kissed the cut away.  

 

A sudden frown made its way onto his face, his happy mood had completely vanished in what was close to five seconds. “It ran off though…”, he looked like a kicked puppy with the way he frowned with genuine hurt that some feral stray had run away from him after getting its daily consumption of pets. You turned away to stifle a laugh at his ridiculous concern, archons know that you didn’t want to spend an hour consoling him over this. 

 

“And I got you this!” Getting up from off your bed he’d dig around in the pockets that you could never exactly pinpoint where they were located, holding his hand out in a fist as he waited patiently for you to take it.  

 

“A gift, how flattering Kabuki–” Looking down as he’d drop the items in your fist, staring in thinly veiled disgust. It was a lizard's tail and a dead frog who’d begun to dry up with the lack of moisture, how long had that been in there? 

 

Staring at them for a moment more with that same look of disgust, “Do you...not like it?” He’d visibly deflated like a kicked puppy once again which immediately made you straighten your back as you offered a gentle smile and patted him on the top of his head, fixing the soft strands of indigo while you were at it, taking note of the way he leaned into your touch. 

 

“Of course I do, it’s lovely. You’re such a considerate person.” Speaking sweet, saccharine words was never your forte but for him you’d at least try. Hating whenever you’d accidently make him cry when the two of you would miscommunicate, though you really hated the feeling of the dead frog and a stiff lizard's tail in the palm of your hand. 

 

Suddenly the smell of something burning filled your nostrils and without a second thought you turned to see the lavender melons catching on fire and the miso soup beginning to boil over. Gasping in surprise you’d drop the gifted items onto the table and rush to the put out the mini fire while taking the soup off of the heat to stop the overboiling and in the midst of your panic you felt the scorching burn on your hand as a drop of liquid from the soup splash onto your hand. 

 

“Damn–” After taking care of the food you began to shake your hand in a pained frenzy, as if it could shake the burn off of your hand. Not noticing the way Kabukimono had crept up from behind you to check on all the commotion. 

 

“Are you okay?!” Looking at the way his indigo eyes were wide with fear and worry made your heart clench, quickly getting a hold of your nerves as you examined the burn. It left a small red mark but wasn’t going to develop into a painful blister as far as you could tell and pray. Even so that didn’t stop Kabukimono from grabbing your hand and examining the wound for himself, if it weren’t for the way your heart pounded from the panic of the entire situation you would’ve found the sight precious.

 

“It’s nothing, just a small burn…food’s ready?” His hands had touched the wound and you expected a rush of pain but the way his impossibly cold hands had worked to soothe the burn rather than irritate it made you very thankful. He could tell that you were much calmer and slowly let go of your hand, at the loss of contact you’d just usher him to sit down and begin to serve his food first like always.  

 

“Might be slightly burnt so I hope you don’t mind? Shouldn’t have gotten so distracted…” Grumbling the last part to yourself as you discreetly shoved the dead frog and lizard's tail into the trashcan while Kabukimono hadn’t been looking, sitting down across from him as you finally let out a sigh and began to eat as well. 

 

Taking one bite of the roasted lavender melons made you gag; the charred taste had been far too bitter and overpowering. That’s why it had come as a surprise when you saw the man across from you scarfing down the exact same thing, you slightly grimaced at the view.  

 

“You don’t have to eat it–” You grumbled before you were cut off, “Y/n! They taste so much better like this!” Kabukimono practically glowed as he smiled at you and you couldn’t find a hint of lies or untruthfulness in his face nor his tone, guess he really did like them like that. You only shook your head and smiled, offering him a small promise that you’d make them like that for him here on out and handing him your share of burnt lavender melons to which he took very gratefully. 

 

Once dinner had been finished and the dishes were cleaned, you’d settle in for the night. Laying down on your bed as the cold feeling of Kabukimono body crawled in after you, your home was too small for another bed and your back had begun to hurt after sleeping on the floor for a week, so you’d just ended with this agreement. He seemed much happier like this, so you’d never question it. Silently savoring the way his body was always cool like ice; it was practically addictive to your oven heat body temperature. 

 

He never stayed asleep for too long so on the days you’d wake up to use the bathroom you weren’t surprised to see two indigo eyes that practically glowed in the dark, staring right at you. Sure, your roommate had odd habits, but he was all you had; you wouldn’t trade him for the world. He was more like a cat than anything, you really liked cats too.  

 

“Night’ Kabuki.” 

 

“Goodnight, Y/n.” 

 

__________________________  

 

The feeling of slowly being shaken by your shoulders had awoken you, grumbling out nonsense while your eyes adjusted to the light in the room. Opening your eyes to the familiar sight of Kabukimono, he seemed excited which was on par for him. Every morning was a good morning for him. 

 

“Y/n! Let’s go fishing today!” His melodic voice cheered out as the gentle rays of the sun peeked into your home and cascaded upon you. Wiping the drool from the crevice of your mouth while you sat up, nodding your head with whatever your roommate had already planned for the day. He’d step away from you and give you a few good minutes to freshen up for the day.  

 

After getting yourself ready and understanding what he’d actually want to do when the morning sleepiness had finally worn off. Pulling some supplies over your back including but not limited to a wooden stick with a sharp end made of obsidian in a makeshift attempt at a spear, a poorly woven basket that Kabukimono had attempted to teach you how to make, and some snacks you prepared right before the two of you had headed out.  

 

The walk to the coast of Tatarasuna wasn’t long granted that you lived very close to it, a decision you’d only regret when the thundering and rain got too strong to the point it’d leave your whole house shaking against the harsh blowing winds. The feeling of a tap on your shoulder brought you back to reality, turning your head to face the familiar indigo haired boy and the slight tilt of his head.

 

“What are those called again?” He’d point at the roots of some tree, spotting a matsutake mushroom that had been growing there. Continuing to walk you’d explain that they were a kind of mushroom you’d cook sometimes, he seemed pleased with the answer and went back to observing the surrounding world and the two of you falling back into a comfortable silence.   

 

Finally, arriving after the short walk and setting down your supplies as you decided on where to start, picking up your spear in one hand and securing the basket to your back you’d take off your sandals and roll up your pant legs along with your sleeves. Walking towards the water with a gentle approach as to not scare the thing you’d been wanting to catch in the first place. Looking up you saw Kabukimono just waltz into the water with a complete disregard for his clothing, watching the way his purple patterned half cape flowed in the wind and you had to admit the sight was surreal, at least he took off his sandals. 

 

Ten minutes had passed, and you only managed to catch three fish and with your labors that had gone into it you were deeply unsatisfied, the feeling of cool water splashed on your face as you saw how Kabukimono was busy playing in the water and chasing crabs or anything that caught his fancy. When he’d suggested fishing, you knew that he meant you were the one who was going to be fishing because he’d much rather busy himself with exploring rather than actually offering any help, not that you minded since he’d always carry the stuff back for the two of you. 

 

Moving away from his disruptive attempt at trying to harvest some quick crawling crabs and walking into a calmer area, you’d quickly begin to catch a lot more fish successfully. Creeping with very controlled steps as you approached a fish who’d swam too close to the shore, quickly impaling the writhing creature as you took it out of the water and tossed it into your basket. 

 

Once you’d catch a sufficient amount you finally paused,  taking the time to appreciate the scenery as wildflowers sprouted in the green of the land, the soft crash of the waves against your legs as the cool blue water stretched out for miles, the refreshing breeze of air traveling the lands, closing your eyes you’d just soak in the serenity of the moment the land had brought you.  

 

The sudden sounds of a cry brought you back to the moment, looking as you saw the familiar purple half-cape get swept away by the ocean as Kabukimono had started to chase after it in an attempt to get it back, yelling out in quick concern for your friend. 

 

“Kabuki be careful the waves are stronger farther out!” Watching the way he’d pay no heed to your warning and only rushed further into the deep blue waters, seemingly hellbent on retrieving his article of clothing before it’d forever be lost to the vast ocean. 

 

“Are you listening?! I said be careful–” One moment he was within your sight and the next he was gone; it was too quick for you to even process what had even happened. Just like the purple mesh fabric, he too was carried away by the waves. The sight of it unfolding right before your eyes was more horrifying as you understood the severity of the situation, he’d been hit by a wave that towered over him and in his unsuspecting daze he was dragged farther out into the water.  

 

The silence that filled the air immediately after was chilling, the peaceful and serene feeling that had coursed through your veins as easily as a river flowing was now replaced by a thick dread poisoning your body and before you knew it your body was already moving on its own. 

 

Running to the shore and setting down the basket of fish you carried on your back as you desperately looked for your friend, and as the time passed your nerves only grew more anxious and panicked since you never really learned if Kabukimono could swim or not but even if the strongest swimmer were to be swept by the tide like that you’d doubt their return overall. 

 

Running along the coastline as you searched and searched, your feet unable to keep up with your rapid movement caused your descent into the warm sand of the beach. Eyes burning as you spit out sand from your mouth and trying to dust it off while it clung to your soaked body, salty tears dripping down your flushed cheeks as you slowly began to lose hope of seeing your friend ever again.  

 

Running towards the water, going deeper and deeper until it consumed your lower half in an attempt to at least spot his indigo head of hair. No longer caring if your clothes got soaked as you’d stumble over in the water and occasionally fall face first into it, the salty water burning your eyes on numerous accounts. Crawling back to the shore with fruitless attempts in trying to spot Kabukimono, your body ached as you overexerted yourself in the water. Your lungs burning as you gulp for air clearly not used to having to move around in such an agile manner. 

 

“If only I’d stayed closer, he wouldn’t have gotten taken!” By now you were inconsolable as you’d fallen to your knees after about ten minutes of nonstop searching and running, the first person you’d held close to yourself after your exile was gone and presumably dead in just a matter of minutes where you had also failed to even locate where he’d been swept off to. 

 

Praying to any god that’d listen but even then, you knew your meek prayers would be in vain, had Celestia really hated you so? Were you destined for a life of isolation with no salvation?  

 

The feeling of tears wasn’t foreign but very unwelcomed as you stared at the waters in pure despair, what could you even do at this point? The sight of something purple in the corner of your eyes had caught your attention, upon further inspection you’d realize it was the same purple half-cape that started all of this, being washed up on shore. It was ironic really, the same thing that had caused you the loss of your friend was now the only thing you had to remember him by. 

 

Reaching down slowly and grasping it in your hands, the wet fabric did nothing to console your aching heart. Finding it hard to believe the events that unfolded in a little under twenty minutes, a whirlwind of emotions surged through you as you stared at the vast ocean that just seemed so empty now, or was it you?  

 

“You found it?” A familiar voice spoke from behind you. 

 

Turning your head so hard that you could've sworn you snapped it, your eyes were wide and glossy from tears as you looked at who you previously thought was dead. He looked like a wet dog but you were pretty sure you looked the same too. Were you hallucinating or was this real?

 

 Without a second thought you lunged at him and pulled him into a bone crushing hug, ignoring the way his body tensed at the sudden contact. 

 

“Y/n…What’s wrong?” Hesitantly hugging you back, your shaking body was a result from the coldness of your body and the tremors as you cried into his shoulders. The warm tears piercing his already frozen body, you were unable to speak as you feared your voice would betray you so all you could do was cling onto his wet clothes like some sort of lifeline. 

 

“I thought you were gone…” You finally managed to breathe out, clutching his clothes so hard that your knuckles turned white. The way he’d robotically rub small circles on your back was anything but comforting but it was a reminder that he was right here and not underwater. After a moment of prolonged silence from you trying to calm yourself down. 

 

Pulling away from him, the ache in your knuckles present after your iron grip on his clothes was released. Looking at him with a worried expression as you gently took his face in your hands and began to inspect his perfect porcelain skin for any injuries. Seemingly content in your hold but otherwise confused at the sudden affection, he looked as if he had just taken a small swim and wasn’t pulled under by the tide for five minutes.  

 

“Are you sure you’re okay? You didn’t swallow any seawater, or anything did you?” Turning his head side to side in a distressed manner, more so with the fact he seemed perfectly fine. The only thing that seemed off about the boy was that he practically was absorbing the heat from your hands, but he did this on a daily basis as if he were some cold-blooded reptile. Letting go of his face, ignoring the way he looked almost disappointed at the loss, you’d take a much-needed breath of air that helped to bring your heart rate down to a normal pace. 

 

As much as you wanted to scold him for being an idiot and the potential loss of his life, you didn’t. Instead opting to grab his hand as you went to go pick up your fishing supplies and caught fish, ignoring the way he’d tried to reach for the basket and thus began to go back home. The silence was uncomfortable, but it was much needed, you didn’t have much to say but you had a plethora of questions and an ever-expanding library of strong emotions. 

 

__________________________ 

 

The two of you sat in the comfort of your home, Kabukimono sat in between your legs as you dried his indigo locks with a gentleness compared to that of a butterfly fluttering in the wind. A fire had been started in the furnace to keep the house warm and prevent any sickness from the cold water. A towel rested on the top of your head due to drying it beforehand, it was just damp now and you were cozily warmed. A very stark contrast to the agony you had just been feeling not too long ago but even then, it felt like it had happened months ago. 

 

The two of you had been changed into different clothing, Kabukimono listened obediently as you told him to change rather than fight tooth and nail about his clothing. He could at least sense that you were in no mood to argue, looking smaller than usual as your clothes were a slightly baggier fit on his slim form. 

 

Clearing your throat as you found the strength to finally speak after silence had filled the air, “I have a question Kabuki.” It certainly didn’t sound like a question but more of a start to an interrogation with your friend as the main suspect. 

 

He wasn’t fazed by this, or rather he couldn’t feel the suspense building up in the air and only hummed in response. 

 

“What happened after the water pulled you under– I didn’t see you come up for air not even at least once.” You knew it was probably a sore subject for him but you honestly needed to know otherwise it would’ve been eating at you all night and probably for the next week or so if you didn’t ask, continuously drying his hair with the towel to distract yourself from the growing need to bite your nails or something to quell the growing urge that was almost always an embarrassing habit you couldn’t drop.  

 

“Come up for air?” He parroted, bringing his hand up to his chin in deep consideration at your words that seemed almost foreign to him—the idea was preposterous in itself, of course he must’ve come up for air at least once. Moving his hand away from his face he spoke, still facing forward as your hands slowed their movements in anticipation for his words.  

 

“I didn’t come up for air, I was just looking for the cape in the water the whole time. It was kind of hard considering that was my first time swimming.” Unbeknownst to you he had a content smile on his face, eyes closed as he was pleased with his own answer and maybe after he explained it you wouldn’t be so tense? He’d move his hands slowly into his lap, intertwining them. 

 

On the contrary, you had frozen in pure disbelief while processing his words as if they were a strange form of lost dialect. A soured expression on your face was hidden from him, staring at the back of his head with your fingers slowly leaving from the stands of hair you had previously been drying. 

 

‘Impossible, that’s literally impossible. He doesn’t seem like he’s lying though…?’ You were lost in contemplation but quickly brought back as Kabukimono had begun to turn around in an attempt to glance at your withdrawn form, easily moving your hands back to mindlessly rub the towel on his damp hair. Trying to regain your composure and not panic too much, the thought of your roommate being dangerous was painful to think about as it was just plain dumb. 

 

Why commit to an act of an unknowing stranger? 

 

A question you’d ask yourself, quickly ruling out the thought of him even posing a threat to you in any way that you’d be unable to handle. Plus, if he was any bit dangerous wouldn’t he have done something by now? 

 

Even with the dilemma solve it left more gaps to fill such as the fact he was underwater for about five minutes with not even as much as a lick of air, the thought of him being some sort of sea creature was quickly ruled out with the fact that he confessed himself he hadn’t an idea how to swim beforehand. 

 

‘Is he even human? Is that too cruel to think of my friend?’ Kabukimono sat in between your legs still, blissfully unaware of the mental war you were having within yourself. It was not until you took a sharp breath, preparing yourself to ask a question that was perhaps slightly disrespectful and just plain ridiculous. 

 

“Kabuki are you- uh- are you a human?” Quickly blurting the question out since there was honestly no other way to ask such a question, it was a silly conspiracy so there was no way it was correct. Just one of the things you wanted answered so you could sleep peacefully tonight, you honestly hated beating around the bush anyways and had hoped that Kabukimono had taken up the similar habit. 

 

Immediately upon hearing your words he went rigid, freezing as if he were attacked by a cryo slime which obviously wasn’t a good sign and a strange one all at once. Pulling your hands away from him as you awaited an answer in suspense. Maybe you’d ask something you shouldn’t have, like opening a door meant to be locked. 

 

The way he slowly began to turn his head to finally glance at you, the towel left on his head falling to the floor in a comical manner, but this wasn’t a situation to laugh at. He donned an expression full of shock and fear, his eyes wide like a deer caught in headlights. Obviously, your face was one similar but instead of fear you were confused, why was he acting like a weirdo? 

 

“Of co-course I’m a human! Why wouldn’t I be?!” Wincing slightly as he half-shouted, looking as nervous as a kid who’d just caught red handed stealing from the cookie jar. Much to your dismay because of the reason he was acting like a criminal when a ‘yes’ to your question would’ve been sufficient. A dark suspicion began to grow in the pit of your stomach and as much as you wanted to ignore the increasing red flags, you had to watch out for yourself as well. 

 

“Okay…I believe you.” Keeping your voice at a steady and calm tone as to avoid any conflict between the two of you, he seemed distraught and maybe even a little bit unhinged at the moment. Slowly moving away from him and standing up, you’d make your way to the kitchen and leave him still sitting on the floor. Ignoring the way, he’d gaze at you like a cat watching a bird, his eyes burning holes into the back of your head while you maneuvered your way around the kitchen in a tense and awkward silence. 

 

The sound of rain made itself known with the way it pattered along the roof and walls of your house, the sky that was once sunny now dark and gray leaving little light pouring into the room. Had it not been for the furnace running in the corner of the house, the entirety of living space would’ve been plunged into coldness similar to falling to the depths of a cold lake. 

 

At this point you were just wandering aimlessly in the kitchen, moving things around just to put them back in the same place minutes later. Cleaning a random corner here and there, restocking some food items from your harvest the day before, and it was all done in complete silence. 

 

It felt bad, really bad, like having a thorn stuck under your skin that was almost impossible to get out. Even so you knew you’d feel worse if you turned around, Kabukimono’s eyes still trained on you, you could feel it. Confrontation was never your strong suit when it came to petty arguments or strange situations such as these, you’d rather leave them to be blown away in the wind by the will of Lord Barbatos.

 

 Point being, you didn’t want the extra drama nor work.  

 

Just wanting to go back and fall into the typical routine the two of you have created, so what if you did possibly have a non-human being in your house, right? Easier said than done, it felt silly, even to yourself as you recognized the pit in your stomach to be fear. What were you even afraid of, it wasn’t like you were going to wake up with a knife to your throat…maybe. 

 

Finally pinpointing the very much unwanted fear on one simple cause, uncertainty. 

 

Uncertain in the sense that you had no clue where this, in simple terms, stranger–had even come from. Always dodging your questions concerning his background like a fish avoiding your spear, it honestly felt like you were fighting for even a crumb of information sometimes. Stupidly enough though, you always swept it under the rug for the mere fact that he was cute .

 

Can you even blame yourself though? Life has been so boring and he’s such a good roommate and all these other wonderful things that the more you begin to closely ponder it you can’t help but feel bile rising to your throat. Had you unknowingly been dancing in his web, tangling yourself more and more with each day, each kind gesture, and each night? It all felt so wrong to think of someone as innocent as himself to be anything different from, well–innocent. It was like you had a devil and angel on your shoulder, both urging you to take a separate path from the others' suggestion.  

 

It all went silent in your head as you heard his voice ring out from behind you, a slight jolt in your shoulders from the act of being caught off guard. Trying to gain the courage to turn around and face him, seriously, you were getting worked up over nothing; or so you thought. At the turn of your head, you were met with the pitiful sight of Kabukimono, indigo eyes red and glossy as fat tears rolled down his face. He was standing as he faced you, tugging at the sleeve of his clothing, finally speaking up. 

 

“Y/n…do you not- you don’t believe me…?” He phrased it as a question, but you knew he was stating a fact rather than the other, he was correct wholeheartedly, but you weren’t expecting such a strong reaction to your distrustfulness. Suddenly being met with the strong urge to go up and wipe his tears, comforting him all the while. 

 

It wasn’t like you hated him so a part of you couldn’t grasp the idea of why he was being so, for a lack of better words, dramatic. Feeling your nerves slowly begin to unravel, this situation was starting to become a bit too much for you if you didn’t tread carefully. Running your hands over your eyes which acted as a soothing motion to your jumbled mind, you just needed a few seconds to process this–seconds you really doubted you were going to get. 

 

“Kabuki don’t cry, it’s really not a big deal…” Cringing at the tone of your own voice, seeming as if you could care less. He, of course, picked up on this and started to cry harder which only worked to panic you even more. This felt like a double-edged sword because no matter how you looked at it, something was at a risk. 

 

“Do you…not like me anymore?” He sniffled out, wiping his tears with his sleeves to make room for some more and honestly, you felt like a shitty person at this point. You were accusing him of an unrealistic idea such as being a mass killer, all in your head of course, with no evidence other than the fact that you don’t know where he came from. Sure, it was damning evidence but nevertheless not your place to judge the poor guy.  

 

‘Archons–I’m horrible, he looks so sad.’ You thought as you finally met his eyes, he slightly shrinks away from you as you did and for once you found yourself wishing that he would turn into that annoying blushing mess.

 

Shaking your head, exhaling in hopes that it would clear your mind from these poisoning thoughts of your friend. Taking a step closer to him as you raised your hands, slowly and carefully bringing them to his face and with that you began to wipe at his tears. Ignoring the way, he’d grab onto your wrists as you did, his grip slightly suffocating. 

 

“I don’t believe you,” You started, he looked dejected, “–But that doesn’t mean I hate you, ok?” Lowering your head a little bit as you looked at him with a raised brow, watching the way he slowly nodded his head. The waterworks stopped for now, leaving you to wipe the remnants of it with a quick swipe of your thumb. 

 

“All I want is for you to help me understand, I can’t have a stranger living in my house now, can I?” Teasing him while you pinched his cheeks, his sad face was heartbreaking so you hoped that this would at least raise his spirit from his currently mopey one. It was all in vain though as he just stared at you with his frown, not even reacting to the way you tugged at his cheeks. 

 

“If I do, you won’t be mad at me anymore?” He finally asked as you just sighed and shook your head at his inquiry. Was he even aware of how much he could probably get away with those puppy eyes of his? 

 

“Kabuki, I was never mad at you, and I really don’t mind whether you're a human, hilichurl, or anything like that. You’re my bestest friend.” Speaking softly to him, seeing how he quickly untensed and relaxed at your words. You really hated miscommunication, but it was almost unavoidable with him, you could ask him what he was exactly at a later time because right now he needed a friend and not an interrogation. 

 

“Are we all clear–” Letting out a small noise of surprise at the sight of him engulfing you into a hug, by now his hair was dried and smelled of seawater, he was cold, and it helped to ground you as a whole. Thankful that this big fiasco was finally done and over with, bringing your arms up in a tired retreat as you hugged him back. 

Unbeknownst to you, a dark grin formed on his elegant features, his hug only tightening as he held you close. 

 

Man, you were really gullible.  

 

Chapter 9: Forgetful Minds

Blink Blink 

 

Soreness spread through your body as you sat up, back at the infirmary once more. You might as well actually make your room here; the beds here were only partially better than the one in your room. Added the effect of less creaking and all that luxury. 

 

A cough erupted from your lungs, wracking through your whole body and all you could do was hunch over and curl in on yourself. It hurted like hell but it was a pain you were familiar with, the one that always happened when you’d hit the ground too hard and probably bruised your internal organs. 

 

The memories came flooding back like a broken dam, too fast for you to even process and so you did all you could do; ignore it. 

 

Pulling yourself up from the bed, grabbing the complimentary pain killers while also ignoring the way your outfit was changed from your worn uniform to some black sweatpants and a white shirt. It was pretty comfortable, so you didn’t mind, pressing a foot to the cold floor for the nth time this very, very productive week. 

 

Although, as soon as you stood you nearly fell over yourself and only barely managed to catch your fall in the nick of time using the small wooden table near where you had been laid to rest and recover. It felt like your legs were made of jelly or similarly, like a child barely learning to walk, you didn't overexert yourself that much, did you?

 

After a few more uncomfortable moments of getting the strength to come back into your legs, it wasn’t all too unfamiliar when you’d become unnecessarily weak like this since it was common for you and Childe to duke it out on the training grounds or for him to just beat you up until you’d collapse or just pass out. Of course, he’d only claim that the training was necessary since it was making you a ‘much stronger and more formidable opponent in battle’. Immediately calling bullshit on that when you saw the way he’d smirk after shoving you especially hard into the floor, sick bastard. 

 

“Can you please go? You’re taking up a bed that someone needs currently.” A medic popped up beside you and spooked you in the process, but it was only natural that these guys were already sick of seeing your face. Only nodding your head in acknowledgement as you grabbed your items that had been laid out on the nightstand next to you some of it including your uniform that was surprisingly left in one piece and had been cleaned, the painkillers that had been prescribed to you, and a complimentary cup of water that you definitely did not take with you. 

 

“Hey, I have a question–what happened to the girl with the horrible back injury?” You don’t know why you even cared in the first place but a part of you had felt slightly bad because the reason why she had even gotten hurt in the first place was slightly your fault, not that you were the psychopathic freak who hurt her, but you still held that sympathy in your body for whatever reason. 

 

The medic only looked at you as if you had said something very outlandish, or maybe they were deaf. A look of realization quickly flashed across their face, if that is what you could even call it since their face was covered with the signature Fatui mask. “Oh, you’re talking about Anika, she ended up succumbing to her injuries a little over a week ago.” 

 

‘That makes sense but it’s still pretty sad, she was so young–did they just say that it was over a week ago?!’ A look of bewilderment flashed across your face as you were about to begin questioning the poor infirmary worker, but they were already rushing over to tend to other sick soldiers. 

 

Scurrying out of the place and partly being rushed out like you were some cats who got caught stealing a piece of fish from a store, it was annoying to say the least, but you definitely had been there much more than you would like to admit.  

 

How much time had passed while the two of you were trapped in the Abyss, how did you even get out? All you recall is using the last of your elemental energy on the icy serpent but that’s it, had The Balladeer ended up finding you? Stupid question, of course he did but did he literally carry you all the way back to Snezhnaya? Obviously with the help of a waypoint but still, it was pretty long to just do it all on foot let alone having to carry dead weight. 

 

Your cheeks flushed against the cold in pure embarrassment at the thought of your superior seeing you in such a state of weakness, not like he didn’t constantly see you like that but still it was very embarrassing. Dreading at the fact that you were going to have to face him eventually later on today.  

 

After snapping out of your emotional state called embarrassment, now thinking more clearly about the anomaly called the Abyss. If it was Childe you would have no problem asking him questions you held regarding the place itself, but he was not here, and you had no idea how long, it was going to be until his return. A mission that was in extremely close cohorts with the Tsaritsa was not meant to be taken lightly at all, even though you’ve never seen the Archon herself, you held high faith in her and her plan. Whatever that was, or at least you forced yourself to believe that you did because how silly would it be if a Harbinger’s assistant didn’t believe in the only reason why the Fatui itself was even formed.   

 

You were born to serve. 

 

Walking like you had been hit in the back with a giant boulder, it also felt like it too. The familiarity of coldness you’d grown accustomed to had already taken effect with the way your breath came out in a giant puff of smoke. It was early morning still so the sun was barely rising along the horizon and little to none Fatui soldiers were out. A stark contrast to the always busy walkway, it felt wrong to even be up right now given how you’d seldom seen the sun rising due to the fact you were notorious for sleeping in. Childe scolding you for it more times than you could count but you never minded since it is funny to see the always cheery ginger get mad at something so minute. 

 

On the bright side though you would finally have some time to yourself to just rest and relax in the comfort of your own place rather than in the infirmary. It wasn’t cozy at all with the way it always smelled sterile, and the freezing temperature was painful and the only thing given to fight it was a thin piece of fabric, it would be a sin to consider that thing a blanket, but the Fatui was full of sinners who were just unlucky. 

 

After your serene walk back to your room, you’d make a small list in your head regarding what you were going to do with the accumulated free time. First one being to pick up, that was easy since you had little belongings and hardly ever had time to just sit in your room and relax \that allowed for trash to just build up. Second was to write back to Childe, just needing that small piece of normal routine to keep you going until his arrival to Snezhnaya. 

 

It was slightly warmer in your room as you sat down at your desk, pulling out a piece of paper and pen for occasions such as these, of course the grammar wasn’t going to be extravagant because no matter how hard you tried it’s as if you could never capture what you truly wanted to say when you’d write it down. Mostly because of your lack of education when it came to literary issues and also partly due to your lack of caring for such a miniscule activity. Whatever you wrote down, Childe would understand anyways. It wasn’t as if you were being forced to write an essay for the Tsaritsa, to which she’d read out for the thousands of people in her nation. 

 

The thought of something so nerve wracking and stressful as that made you very uncomfortable, opting to just stop thinking overall. 

 

You couldn’t help the feeling that you were missing something important.  

 

_______________________________ 

 

Scaramouche has learned two things about Y/n. 

 

One, she’s not as weak as she seems. That being proven with how she held her own in the Abyss, especially without him by her side, he’d ignore the panic that left just as quick as it came at the prospect of you potentially getting hurt. 

 

And two, she doesn't know when to quit. He knows for sure he has only that dumb redhead to thank for that, his lust for fighting and war was just over the top and very annoying especially at Harbinger meetings, Childe had no decorum. 

 

Scaramouche sat at his desk, deep in thought for seemingly no reason. It was as if he was overanalyzing the situation for no reason but after his most recent mission, he found a new curiosity for learning more about Y/n. It’s been a few hundred years since he’s last seen her that fateful day and he wants to know what she’s been doing. Not like she even remembers him but that just makes him all the more curious. 

 

He knows the idea in a nutshell is a horrible plan, like an angel and devil on his shoulder. Just a little more twisted than your typical rendition of good and evil, one part of him wants to know more about their person and the other just wants them dead for making long forgotten feelings boil over just at the sight of their pretty little face.  

 

It’s no lie that he doesn’t miss Y/n, but he is the biggest liar especially to himself and it’s not like the person here is the same as the one all those years ago living on the coast of Tatarasuna. At this point he’s just gaslighting himself into believing that he doesn’t care for Y/n anymore but like a moth to a flame, he can’t help the way he’s just enamored by everything they do. 

 

Especially with that little stunt they pulled, summoning an ice serpent? Of course, he knew Childe was mostly a bad teacher but when it came to warfare and honing new skills, it was like he was possessed by something much scarier–a responsible Ajax. He’s only seen it once, the giant whale or narwhal creature made purely of the hydro element that Childe can summon. He’ll admit it is impressive but the way it soaked his clothing was more than enough for him to infuse electro into the water while Childe wasn’t looking, the way the man fell over from pain or simply his muscles tensing up was funny enough for him to forget the whole ordeal. 

 

Still, knowing that Childe had taught them such an ‘impressive’ trick wasn’t enough, having them pass out almost immediately after was just laughable if he wasn’t the one who had to carry deadweight all the way back to Snezhnaya. Similar to a sack of potatoes minus the fact that potatoes don’t drool unlike some things, for now he’ll let it slide. 

 

“Very incompetent, that’s why I don’t expect much from her.” Scaramouche grumbled to himself, absentmindedly going to adjust his large Kasa hat but only to touch air after forgetting the fact that it was hung up on the wall beside him. Immediately souring his mood, maybe he’ll send a bunch of new recruits out to carry out a small mission; he always found it funny when a group of twenty or more people always came out in a clump of five or less, wearing a look of shell-shocked expressions. The way he thought of it was that if anything it was just picking out the weak runts that had made their way into recruitment. 

 

On the topic of strength, he found himself pondering even more. With his indigo eyes closed and arms crossed, leaning back in a laxer position on his chair. A question had been plaguing his mind, why were you so–weak? Of course, he didn’t expect them to have the strength of a god but even then, as an appointed Harbinger’s assistant, why was it that every time it came to battle something always went wrong? He knew if that was the case for every time Childe would eventually get bored of the lack of bloodshed and discard them with a replacement at the snap of his fingers. 

 

So how come you got to stay? 

 

‘Maybe they just aren’t going all out–but why? She could’ve died on multiple occasions that were very avoidable, is she just as sloppy as I predicted?’ Though the idea was very far-fetched it was the only one that had valid evidence to back it up, unless they were distracted by something else. That something being him, as much as he wanted to stroke his own ego, he knew it wasn’t for the reason he was currently thinking. The only reason Y/n wasn’t hitting their full potential was simply because they were scared, scared of him. 

 

 If it were any other person, he wouldn't give two shits about what some weakling thinks of him, but that was far from the case. It was you after all, different from any other human he claimed to hone a hatred so deep that it was practically burned into his very existence. Scaramouche always hated thinking of his past, how he was so innocent and pure. He viewed that as nothing more than a sin he’d unknowingly committed, that no matter how many people he killed, the same shade of red from the countless bodies, the ash left from fire, he would never be fully complete. In the sense that all he’s working to achieve will forever be in vain simply because he had the misfortune of being born. 

 

They say anger is the best fuel after all. 

 

Finally opening up his eyes, flickering around the room between the dying fire and pile of paperwork he’d absolutely refuse to touch. He had heard Childe bragging about how he rarely ever completed paperwork and using Y/N as the butler for his Harbinger duties, it was an appeasing thought even though he knew she’d just snoop around. That much was clear when he had seen the slight ink smudge on the paper containing their file, were you really that dumb to think you could avoid his watchful gaze?  

 

He could perhaps try a different approach with her, not as strict or harsh like his typical self. It was dumb idea that he could try but the thought of them growing too complacent was not a good one at that, he couldn’t afford to have some lazy dog doing nothing all day unlike Childe. That idiot really got on his nerves, especially when he’d go on extremely long tangents about whatever came to him in the moment. 

 

Standing up from his desk, his shoes making a small click against the hardwood floor with every step he took. Lazily sauntering towards the dying fire and spotting not a single piece of wood to feed the flames, instead he’d reach his hand out and spark it back to life with his electro energy. Although the fire was much more erratic and left a foul smell it was enough to keep it alive. He had no idea why he even bothered, the cold had little to no effect on his body but the thought of you flashing in his mind made him grumble and slip out more electro energy than necessary.  

 

Watching as the flame grew uncontrollable with wide eyes, stepping away while a plume of smoke blew in his face. Choking on the smoke as less than savory memories filled his mind of a past, he’d never be able to return to no matter what, quickly shaking his head and walking over to go open one of his office windows until the foggy haze cleared out. The noise from the working Fatui soldiers outside was loud and annoying, something Scaramouche had half a mind to just go outside and hurt them for the hell of it but it was more of a hassle than anything and so he’d just drag himself to his office chair and plop down onto it. 

 

There was no way in hell that these papers were going to be worked on, let alone read. Pinching the bridge of his nose and squeezing his eyes shut while a pain throbbed in his head, admittedly he had not been feeling the best after his little ‘meeting’ with Dottore. A series of experiments that he'd honestly rather not remember had been conducted on him. It was nothing new, but The Doctor was always relentless with these little tests, he was used to it at this point. 

 

Another moment of silence passed, collecting his thoughts and figure as he sat up straight. He refused to be tethered down with something as small as a headache like all other pathetic mortals. Without another beat he picked up a single paper from the stack on his desk and began to read the contents concerning it. It talked of the future trip plans to Inazuma regarding the collecting of the Electro Archons Gnosis, his grip tightened only slightly as he read the words on the paper while remembering the Harbinger meeting that had been commenced under the guise of who would be what. For obvious reasons, only to himself that is, he picked to participate in this little game of cat and mouse for the gnosis.

 

Of course, this trip held two meanings for him, but he wasn’t the type to count his eggs before they hatched. He had to admit the relief at the sight of The Fair Lady opting to join in on the mission and not Childe, he could at least tolerate that spoiled brat a little more than he could with Childe.

 

He remembers the meeting well since it had been only a month since the date, another thing he’d also remember was Y/n’s meek form right besides Childe. At the time he played little to no attention to it, cracking a small smirk when The Regrator had made a comment of calling them a lapdog. 

 

In his defense everyone in the room had been thinking it, they were just thankful that violent ginger idiot had finally found someone else to bother. Childe’s response was a simple ‘This is just my helpful assistant!’ and slapped you harshly against the back watching you stumble slightly and quickly regain your composure, your stoic face faltering slightly at the hit. 

 

Had he known it was you at the time, things would’ve definitely gotten interesting. 

 

A soft knock against the door snapped him out of his mind, he had successfully managed to drone through and completed at least ten pages of work. It was disappointing but he could care less about these kinds of things at this point. 

 

“Come in.” 

____________________________

 

You had waltzed right into the office…not really. It was more of a stiff walk into the place, immediately heading over after finishing up your letter you had written to Childe. As much as you wanted to vent all your frustrations into a single piece of paper, you wanted to keep it professional–also because you doubted you had the capability to convey your emotions properly too. 

 

“Good morning, my lord.” You gave a small bow, your eyes closed as you took a small sigh after finally reaching the office. That’s when it hit you, a foul stench invaded your nostrils and made you slightly choke. Fighting back the urge to gag but also unable to fight the urge to cough, you’d tried to cover your mouth, but it just caused some more pathetic sputtering. 

 

You knew the sight was humiliating to watch with the way The Balladeer just looked at with the most unamused gaze, it felt like you were the one doing something wrong, but did he not notice the way the office was full of this poisonous gas? Judging by the way he had the office windows open he most definitely knew, maybe you were just overreacting, but it felt like someone just poured itching powder into the air. 

 

“Sorry– ack…” You went to take your place beside his desk as usual, using your hand to cover your mouth, surprisingly he hadn’t lashed out at you yet but opted to just silently glare at you. Your face had been twisted into a grimace, like you had been forced to take a bite out of a lemon like an apple. The thought of doing something as absurd as that made you frown some more, subconsciously shivering while your mouth involuntarily watered in place of the imaginary citric acid invasion. 

 

Standing as still as a statue, eavesdropping on a small dispute that had been happening between two soldiers over something very mundane. By now the awful smell had cleared out and left the room in the negatives, you could’ve sworn some icicles were forming on your lashes. The cold temperature left you quivering and with the lack of movement you were more like a sitting duck waiting for hypothermia to kill you at this point, but you didn’t dare ask about maybe, if it wasn’t a bother, shutting the window.  

 

“I’ll fucking kill you bastard–” The soldier started but his voice was drowned out at the sound of The Balladeer speaking, “Close the window already.” 

 

‘Already? No way he wanted me to close the window, I’m not a mind reader.’ Despite your mental protest, you made a quick beeline for the window and shut it gently. Looking outside at the verbal dispute that had now turned into a physical altercation, it was interesting with the way they were at each other's throats and a knife in hand. The fight was at its climax as they were now aiming to kill one another, slashing and stabbing at each other like feral animals. 

 

“I said to close the window, not gawk at some measly insects fighting.” He growled at you, staring daggers into your distracted form and as much as it pained you, you ripped your eyes away from the fight before a winner could be declared, you weren’t planning on acquiring anymore unnecessary injuries. You met eyes with him briefly and quickly looked away as you heard a small scoff. 

 

“Aren’t you forgetting something?” His question caught you off guard, something was wrong, and you knew that, you were in the middle of walking in front of his desk to get back to your designated spot but as soon as you met his gaze once more it was one full of mockery. Stopping in your tracks as he began to hold out his fisted hand. 

 

You watched in silent anticipation as he opened his hand, half expecting a bolt of lightning to strike you in the face but to your surprise a glowing blue orb caught your eyes. Immediately recognizing it as a cryo vision, you were flabbergasted as you began to pat yourself down in search of your own vision with a more panicked demeanor rather than his cruel mannerism. 

 

Surely, he’d just have a random vision lying around–right?  

 

Coming up empty handed and quickly understanding that it was in fact your vision that he held in his hands, sure the circumstances on which you had received your vision weren’t the best but that didn’t mean you’d forgo it. Much too reliant than you had even anticipated in general, immediately reaching your hand out in a desperate attempt at securing it back into your safe grasp, a small cry leaving your lips as The Balladeer retracted his hand with the same endeavor as you. He looked like a sly predator dangling a carrot right in front of a bunny. 

 

“Tsk, tsk, tsk…I went through all this trouble of keeping it safe for you to only try and snatch it without thanking me?” He sneered at you; he was clearly enjoying your distraught face as he gave your vision a look over. Running his thumb over the glassy surface at a tantalizingly slow pace, even though he was sitting down you felt awfully small. 

 

“I apologize sir! May I have my vision back please?” Shame would’ve been coursing through your veins had you not been so concerned with trying to get one of the few things you actually considered of value to you.

 

This was unexpected, very unexpected. 

 

Did you really care for your vision so much that you’d be willing to kiss The Balladeers ass this much? Yes, without a doubt since you were already fucking doing it and the way he was looking at you with that stupid smug grin on his already perfect face only worked to raise your high anxiety. What kind of psychopathic monster messes with another person’s vision? It was an unspoken rule to not touch something as important as that but clearly from what’ve you learned this past week, no rules applied to him.  

 

His eyes squinted at you the more he smiled like he had just heard the funniest joke in his entire life, bringing your attention to red eyewear on his eyes only for a second as you waited anxiously for his response. Arms laid stiffly at your side while your hands were clenched into fists, you were practically looming over him like some vulture waiting to scavenge. 

 

“How about we make a trade, Y/n ?” The way your name rolled off his tongue so easily made you flush with embarrassment and a touch of something else that you didn’t bother to pay any heed to, all you could offer him was a hesitant nod of your head as you slowly relaxed. Only to have fear spike back up into your chest as a question rang loudly in your mind. 

 

‘What could The Balladeer possibly want from me?’  

Notes:

guys i promise I didn't forget abt you, i've been busy and I don't like posting rushed work, anyways hope you enjoyed the chapter

Chapter 10: Flames Amidst the Leaves

Summary:

Buckle up.

The atmosphere was tense, a cold sweat ran down your back. 

 

It was almost as if you were at a standstill with the man in front of you but that would mean that the two of you were on a semi-equal standing. Of course some Fatui worker, because that's what you were and not even your title as an assistant could help you, held no footing in regards to the sixth Harbinger, you were here to serve him so the fact that he was even giving you an option to retrieve your vision was a blessing enough.  

 

“A trade? For what…?” There was no point in even asking him what you would have to ‘trade’ because either you take the deal and get your vision back or you don’t. The thought of no longer having a vision was honestly terrifying because without it, what of use could you be?

 

Childe would definitely find someone else and you’d quickly lose your rank in the Fatui, lose your room, lose everything you worked so hard to achieve. So with these revelating thoughts, you’d straighten yourself out to no longer resemble a homeless person begging for money and more of a person willing to do whatever. Not much of a difference but you were determined so that definitely helped you out. 

 

E/C orbs met with indigo ones, the slight raise of his eyebrow as he looked at your form. Clearly not expecting the sudden change but nonetheless he spoke up, “I want to conduct a small experience and you’re gonna be the subject.” He drew out, placing the vision on the desk that was clearly meant for the irony of the simple fact that even though you were so close you were still very far away from it. He’d begin to open one of the cabinets in his desk, reaching his hand inside with swift and calculated movements before pulling something out. 

 

You would be biting your nails if it wasn’t considered immature but you couldn’t help the nervousness of the whole situation and just opted to tap your foot against the floor like some rabbit thumping its paw. He reached his closed fist out towards you, looking at you with a cold stare ridden of his mocking expression. 

 

“Take it.” 

 

Upon his command you’d hesitantly stationed your palm right beneath his, waiting for him to drop whatever he had onto it. So he did, the weight of something colliding with your already sweaty palm–at first all you could register was warmth. 

 

Upon further inspection you’d recognize it as a pyro delusion, he wanted you to use a delusion in order to get your vision back. 

 

The faint memory of reading your file and the tolerance you had with a Pyro delusion came to mind, so that's what this is about? A bad feeling nagged at you for the fact of what holding a delusion can do to someone in the long run and no matter how much more stronger you could become with the use of it, it simply was not worth it. An unpleasant memory began to resurface at these conflicting feelings, a memory you’d try hard to bury and forget because what was the use of dwelling on the past?

 

_____________________________________

  

In your earlier recruitment days, you made some friends that gave you the walks on how things were run in the Fatui and so for that you were eternally grateful for them and at some point you’d considered them your closest friends, two people to be specific.

 

 They were identical twins named Cecilla and Violet, originating from Mondstat. Definition of yin and yang since Cecilla was the ‘meaner’ one and Violet more ‘sweet’. That was only a lie since you knew Cecilla was a sweetheart when you actually took the time to get to know her, the two of them were inseparable so the three of you were always around and goofing off when you had the chance. Despite not being related to them by blood they’d often refer to you as their third sibling, the sentimentality was not lost as you soon found yourself lost in this happy fairytale as well.  

 

You all even had given each other silly nicknames, Violet called Vi for short and Cecilla was Cece–much to her displeasure, your group all knew she was only putting up a front and enjoyed it as much as everyone else. While on the other hand, Sis was the name gifted to you. A small glimmer of hope in the endless dark of your life.

 

It was like a dream come true since as a child you’d often see the other kids running back inside to their family after playtime was over and they’d call their name for supper. Meanwhile, it just left you to just kick rocks until the bitter old woman screamed your name with the demand that you come home. She’d taken you in not out of the goodness of her foul heart but for what essentially was a free servant who relied solely on her, she offered no love to you and so in return you did the same after a few attempts at trying to win her cruel favor like any child would. Although in those moments at night, when it was just  you, you couldn’t help the burning curiosity as to what a family looked like and how nice it’d feel to finally be loved.  

 

You’d found that love here, right?

 

However, things had taken a bitter turn when Cecilla had gotten her hands on a delusion. She was admitted one after submitting a request immediately after failing a mission and almost being killed in the disaster had it not been for her sister's intervention. It was the need or rather her drive to become stronger and surpass her own vision wielding sister, and admittedly you too held a part in all this. A cryo vision was adorned across your chest like some proud badge, oftentimes you’d see the envious glare she’d give the two of you when you weren’t looking.

 

Everything was okay at first, she’d only use it in moderation to avoid the slow yet rapid deterioration of the body a delusion caused. Then it only got worse from there, but alas! Cecilla had a taste of power and it was quite literally in the palm of her hand–so what was the worst it could do? Something with such an easy access surely couldn’t pose too much harm, it was even provided by the cooperation she worked for! She would soon reach the goal of everything she’d been working for. 

 

Or that what you assumed she thought at least. 

 

A monthly thing became weekly, turning daily. She was starting to wither away, as her name sadly foreshadowed, right in front of you and Violet's eyes. Many attempts to confiscate the item were made but each was a failure, she’d always get her hands back onto it one way or another. Until finally it just stopped. 

 

Permanently.   

 

Cecilla had ultimately succumbed to her own prolonged death, it was awful to just watch one of your closest friends just slowly die right in front of your eyes when you couldn’t do anything to save them. Even when the both of them knew the cause, Cecilla craved power and she would do anything to finally no longer be in Violet's shadow as the ‘meaner and visionless’ sister. 

 

You could lead a horse to water, but you couldn’t force it to drink. 

 

Violet obviously took her sister's death the worst, describing it to you as losing a piece of your soul. While you could never fully understand what she meant by it due to your obvious lack of connection with any form of family, you did sympathize that losing a friend felt similar. Violet was no longer bubbly and radiant as before, slowly turning into a shell of a person she once used to be. 

 

She was withdrawn from everything and just lacked the lively personality you’d come to grow accustomed to, and once more it felt like you were losing another friend. You had tried everything to bring her back such as bringing her gifts you’d come across on your missions to which she’d take and offer you a monotonous ‘thanks’ while staring off into the far distance at the far expanse of white snow. 

 

It was a lost cause but you refused to give up, determined to bring her back. 

 

Weeks had passed by with little to no change and just as all hope was lost–she was back, at the time you had no idea what warranted for such a big change but shrugging off as the fact she’d finally come to her senses and understand that she was acting childish. 

 

She was practically bouncing with joy as the two of you conversed, it felt nice but her saccharine sweet tone left you with an odd unease. Maybe you were just not used to finally having Violet back but even as you drew this conclusion something in the back of your mind screamed otherwise. 

 

Ignoring the strange sensation, you’d continue onto another mission with the promise of bringing Violet something back. She of course just nodded happily and wished you safe travels, going back to her shared room with the other workers. 

 

The mission was successful and short given that your group had been tasked at taking down a treasure hoarder camp, who were profiting off of spying on the Fatui and selling the intel at high prices to competing forces. 

 

Nothing was out of the ordinary upon your arrival, the main area still hustling around for work. You held an amethyst crystal in one of the pockets of your uniform, having found it while scavenging around the Treasure Hoarders bags. Searching for Violet with the intention of gifting her the gem as you promised. A shrill shriek was heard a few feet behind you, everyone paused in confusion as they tried to analyze the reason for a disturbance. 

 

“Get the medics! Someone was stabbed!” A soldier had run past you as a scuffle broke out between people trying to rush to safety and others trying to see what was causing the panic. You were the latter, shoving your way through the crowd like a fish trying to swim upstream. 

 

Seeing red coating the ground the closer you got to the scene, your curiosity only grew stronger as you eventually broke through the crowd and let your eyes feast on the sight before you. 

 

Violet laid on top of another soldier, repeatedly stabbing them in the face with a maniacal grin stretched across her face. The victim of her assault was unrecognizable by this point, just a mass of blood. The longer you looked, the more you wanted to puke. It was the first time you’d seen something as gory as this and the fact that the cause of such a heinous act was coming from the person who’d considered you as a sister was only adding salt to injury. 

 

No one moved to stop her, only watching in shock at the sight of her bloody form. Eventually she halted her acts and stepped off of the body, she’d look around at the crowd that had circled around her until her eyes caught the sight of you. She kept the same grin on her face as she offered you a small wave, people looked at you with the same disgust as they did with her. 

 

“Hi sis.”

 

Frozen in your spot all you could do was stare at her with wide eyes, you were distraught as well as silently promising yourself that this would be the last time you ever let yourself get this close to another person. The surge of emotions was too much to handle so all you could was just continue to watch as she slowly raised the knife higher and higher, dangerously close to her neck and so with the sudden jerk of her hand the knife was plunged– 

 

“Y/N!” 

 

Your eyes jerked from the delusion in your hand to the angered face of The Balladeer. How long were you just staring at it? 

 

Clearly long enough to piss him off. 

 

“So I take it you don’t want your precious little vision after all.” He began to grab your vision off the desk. 

 

“No, I'll do it! I just got reminded of something…” You were disoriented at the painful memories but shook it off just as quickly, clenching the ruby red delusions in your palm fiercely. The warmth quickly reminded you of how cold the room had grown even after you had closed the window but for now you didn’t mind it, you needed the distraction anyways. 

 

He looked over your form with a familiar disinterest and with a small hint of curiosity that you failed to notice. He shook his head as he finally stood up from his desk, grabbing his large hat and fixing it onto his head. Did he seriously want the experiment to start now?  

 

The soft chimes from the bells that were attached to his hat filled the growing silence, he turned towards you and guided you out with his hand on the small of your back. With that he shut the doors and began to walk ahead, you only gawked at him from behind. Having half a mind to just ask what he had planned for this, glancing down at the pyro delusion in your hand, admittedly you had only really used it once so there was no conclusion that if your continued use of it would affect your health. 

 

Already knowing of Childe’s electro delusion and how much it’d taken a toll on his body, having to provide him with an abundance of medicine or food on more than one occasion. Someone as strong as himself was a victim to his own mortality and who's to say that the one time you’d come out unscathed wasn’t just some fluke? A miscalculated usage of a delusion wasn’t out of the ever growing equation, perhaps you were being too dramatic? 

 

‘Relax, it’s not like I’m going to croak and die if I use it just once…just that whole thing with Cece was so–’ Pressing your free hand against your face to ground yourself, the overabundance of emotion being the reason to your own internal panicking that you had caused on your own accord. If you wanted your vision back you could not afford failure especially to something that had long happened in the past, well more like a few years ago but we won’t go into that. 

 

“Y/n.” The Balladeer called, you looked up at him–more accurately, looked up at the back of his head. 

 

“Yes sir Balladeer– er- The Balladeer- wait no-” It was a slip of the tongue honestly but you were thankful for The Balladeer’s interjection, “Scaramouche.” 

 

Huh? 

 

“Excuse me?” Meekly responding to him as a nervous frown made its way onto your face. 

 

“You can call me Scaramouche, it’s honestly pathetic watching you trip over your words like a child barely learning to speak.” He turned his head to glare at you for a second before looking back straight ahead, “Don’t think this makes us companions or anything similar, you’re nothing but a measly insect waiting to be crushed.” 

 

‘Was that really necessary?’ The sly thought ticked in your head.

“Yes, Scaramouche.”  Quickly responding, testing the way his name felt as you spoke it. It felt like you were committing a crime by doing such an unheard of act but if it was in your Harbingers orders, you would do your best to see that his request is fulfilled. 

 

‘If I had one mora for every time I was allowed to call a Harbinger by their alias, I would have two mora. Which isn’t a lot but it’s weird that it’s happened twice.’ Humming to yourself in thought at the situation. 

 

After some more walking you finally reached the edge of the forest, a few more steps and you’d be leaving the base. If he wanted you to test the delusion why not have the two of you reside in the training area of the camp? You weren’t one to question Scaramouche’s decision especially after knowing of his ill temperament, so without a word you’d continue to follow him deeper into the forest.   

 

The further the two walked the more awkward the tension became, more so than usual. Eventually you’d grow so bored that you’d begin to walk in his steps, literally. It was odd as you thought because how could someone so small take such big steps? You were even starting to lose balance since it was more of a hop rather than taking a normal step. 

 

“Y/n.” You stiffened up immediately, was he mad at you for doing something childish? But how could he even see you in the first place? It didn’t come across as too crazy when you thought of him having eyes on the back of his head, he sure acted like it most of the time but ignoring the cold sweat that had started to form and subsequently freeze against the skin you’d reply, “Yes Scaramouche?”

 

Small and timid you responded, but you were much more than that. Such a shame you had been reduced to something so pathetic in a matter of days just working under him. Meanwhile, he didn’t falter in his steps so neither did you but only walking normally instead of hopping behind him like some poorly constructed rabbit. 

 

“Where are you from?” He spoke with an unusual indifference, something you also weren’t expecting but Scaramouche really did know how to keep you on your toes. Why all of a sudden was he was interested in you? It was probably circling back to the use of a delusion but it did strike you as odd because it did say you were from Inazuma so what more evidence could he possibly need in regards to you? 

 

“Inazuma.” Playing it safe in case he perhaps just wanted a refreshment on which nation is your homeland. You had a feeling that he was not the kind of person to care in any regard on what someone's background information even was in the first place. 

 

Scaramouche only clicked his tongue in annoyance, you practically see him rolling his eyes at your curt response. 

 

‘Is he upset?’ You thought as a frown made its way to your face before he interjected your thoughts, “I know that much obviously, since I need to explain everything to you in such specific detail lest your already small brain is unable to comprehend my words–” 

 

‘Ok. Ouch, no need to be an asshole.’  

 

“I was talking about where in Inazuma.” His words sharper than his red eyeliner as he turned his head slightly to shoot daggers at you. All you could do was press your lips into a thin line as the constant berating made their way to your ears, were you the problem? Watching him turn to look forwards once more, his hat letting out a few louder chimes as the bells attached dangled around freely. 

 

“I apologize, I was born in a rural village near the Byakko Plain.” You recalled the village in which you’d grown up in, less than savory memories resurfaced and left you letting out a small sigh. 

 

“Not Tatarasuna?” He’d question, his voice going slightly softer at the name of the almost uninhabitable island.

 

“Tatarasuna? I don’t think anyone lives there apart from researchers doing their own thing, or so I’ve heard…” Pressing your cold finger to your chin as you silently recollected the stories you’d hear from children and adults alike when you were still living in the village. It wasn’t much but the occasional ‘disaster’ could be heard as everyone conspired about it, you would’ve joined in had you not been busy with constant chores from the old hag.  

 

“Family?” He’d ask after processing your words for only a moment more, why was this suddenly turning into a background check? When you first joined the Fatui, not even they were this thorough when asking you about yourself. It was a simple ‘welcome to the team’ after checking a few boxes on a paper you couldn’t read and signing your name with such poor penmanship that it was most definitely illegible to the worker collecting your paper. Looking back on this, you honestly have no idea till this day what the contract even stated but the desperation to get out of that village clouded your already low judgment. 

 

“Dead, I think?” You honestly weren’t sure if you even had a family in the village, since as long as you could remember it’s just always been you until you were taken in. As a child you were curious in regards to the whereabouts of your parents but each time you’d ask it was always met with a coldshoulder or a quick change of the subject. At some point you had given up on the whole ordeal, the thought of being abandoned by your own parents stung your younger self, so much so that she’d begin to harbor an ill resentment towards those with happy families. 

 

A habit that still stuck as you matured unfortunately. 

 

“What do you mean ‘I think’? It’s a yes or no.” He snapped, you could tell he was starting to get fed up with your answers but it wasn’t like you were a mind reader and had the amazing ability to answer his ridiculous questions with the utmost clarity. Yet you still persevered. 

 

“Apologies, but I'm not sure what happened. The people in the village never told me, even growing up I was always alone.” Biting your lip, cringing at the words that spewed carelessly out of your mouth. Just how pathetic were you going to make yourself appear to this man? This was the exact reason why you hated sharing any details regarding your pre-fatui life, it was a tragic sob story that would only work to paint you in a pitiful light. 

 

‘Oh my archons, please kill me–’ You collided into a hard surface, letting out a small grunt of surprise. 

 

The blood immediately drained from your face as the hard surface had turned out to be the back of Scaramouche, he stayed unmoving as if he was entirely unbothered by the collision. You were so distracted while looking at the floor and trying to get your jumbled thoughts together that you failed to notice the Harbinger had stopped walking altogether. He did smell good though, faint hints of something metallic and the sakura trees you’d been accustomed to with your life in Inazuma. 

 

“Go in front of me.” He spoke, thankfully not acknowledging the embarrassing stumble that you had caused. Even when you started to follow his orders you couldn’t help but almost stumble over your own feet as you shuffled just a few feet in front of him. He had brought you to a small clearing in the icy forest, looking around for the objective and seeing nothing. 

 

“Look at me.” Demanding as you met his gaze, he looked pissed off while you just had a look of concern on your face, was he going to kill you? It wouldn’t be too out of the ordinary since he brought you all the way out here, just the two of you in a small clearing but a part of reasoned that if he wanted you dead you would’ve already have taken your last breath a very long time ago. 

 

“We’re going to test your skills, you’ll only use your delusion and whatever you’ve brought with you today, maybe you might finally prove useful if you meet my expectations.” Scaramouche stated rather boredly, crossing his arms over his chest as he continued to look at you. On the other hand you just looked at him confused, for someone who got mad at other people beating around the bush he wasn’t the best either, always vague and cryptic. 

 

“How exactly are we going to do that…Scaramouche?” Hesitantly asking, your body was tense. Both from the cold and the growing suspense, it numbed most of the feeling in your fingers but that was dispelled as you gripped the delusion harder in your palm. 

 

“Simple–” He untucked one of his crossed arms, showing you his open palm and looked at you like he was offended by the question itself, “You’ll be fighting against me.”, Going to place his free hand against his hip.

 

You weren’t the kind of person who was thankful but you found yourself going against your own morals and thanking the gods above that you had brought your polearm. Even then the pit in your stomach didn’t go away, you were nowhere near strong enough to go against a Harbinger; let alone The Balladeer. 

 

It was almost as if he could sense your reluctance and ever growing fear, you were sure that you weren’t doing a very good job at hiding it anyways with the presence of the permanent frown that had settled on your hardened features. He sneered at you, clearly looking down on you in the moment as the two of you stood across from each other staring once more, you watched this man take down an entire camp of treasure hoarders at the simple wave of his hand. There was no telling how much more he was capable of and how much more you were royally fucked. 

 

“Don’t worry though, I’m feeling nice so I’ll refrain from using any of my powers and keep it purely physical. As for you, you’re free to do whatever.” The condescending tone did nothing to ease your nerves, making you less confident in your skills then you originally were.  

 

“As for my objective?” You’d start to get ready and grab your spear, feeling it materialize after safely securing the delusion to your person. How’d he even get your vision in the first place?   

 

“Try to land a single hit.” He gave you a smug grin that should’ve pissed you off but all it did was make you uncomfortable. You were free to use every and anything at your disposal, he could only rely on his physical strength and all you had to do was land one unspecified hit to his body. Either this guy was being generous or insanely cocky, you believed it was the former.  

 

“You can start whenever, I’ll be patient since I know you definitely need the time.” He mocked, he wasn’t even trying to hide how much he doubted your skills but you couldn’t even blame him. He’s only seen loss after loss with you when it boiled down to fighting, at his words you only gritted your teeth and gripped your polearm until your knuckles began to turn white. 

 

Today was the day you finally win–or embarrass yourself. 

 

Unable to enhance your weapon with your cryo abilities with the lack of your vision you opted for the next best thing, making the metal end as scorching hot as possible. Using the elemental powers of pyro was fundamentally different from using cryo, it was difficult to explain how but the best way you could put it was that pyro flowed freely; ironically like its opposing element hydro. Whereas cryo was more concentrated and moved in more like a straight line, you knew it was a terrible explanation when Childe had finally been the one to look at you like you were stupid but that was the best way your mind thought about it. 

 

Looking apprehensively at the man before you, trying to decide on where to even start in the first place. Truthfully you had never seen him in actual combat but the thought of him actually needing to fight something stronger than him was slightly terrifying. He bested you in almost everything and although it was a painful reminder it was only adding fuel to the fire.   

 

“If this were an actual fight, you would’ve already been dead .” He scoffed, his posture was much more carefree than your tense and aching self. Was he not cold? 

 

The actual fight hadn’t even started and yet he was already disappointed in you. He did not have an inkling of patience residing within him, his words held the slight of truth because if you did find yourself in any predicament such as this you would’ve most definitely six feet under. 

 

Charging right at him without any warning after coming to the conclusion that it would be better to figure out your strategy in the midst of battle rather than overthink it just standing idly. Aiming your spear directly at where his heart should be located, only for him to sidestep the attack with ease. Swiftly turning on your heel to face him only to be met with nothing, confused you’d look around. A flash of something purple caught your eye and you were too late to have a proper reaction, being thrown off balance as he landed a heavy kick to your stomach. 

 

Doubling over while gasping for air, the force of the hit hard knocked all of the air from your body. Leading you to dry heave as your body began to reject the trauma that occurred, you dropped your spear in the process. How did he even move that fast?

 

The sound of metal clattering caught your attention, seeing your polearm move towards you while melting the muddy slush on the ground. Looking up you had realized Scaramouche had kicked your own weapon towards you. He held a strange look in his eyes, a mix of open disgust and if you had not known him better, pity. 

 

“ Get up .” 

 

Quickly wiping the drool that had formed around your mouth, you’d pick up your weapon without second thought. Raising your hand up and gazing at your palm, a burst of flame came to life and danced across the tips of your fingers. This was not your enemy, reminding yourself with the misconception of it being pyro the polar opposite of cryo. If you wanted your vision back you were going to have to utilize this at its maximum capacity. 

 

Using a delusion felt off, taking control of a power that was not bestowed upon you by the gods was similar to blasphemy. Probably why so many people fizzled out after their bodies were no longer able to handle the draining effects. Unlike you, you felt little to no fatigue but it severely altered your mood. It was almost like a rush of pure adrenaline, the beating of your heart echoed in your ears almost as if your own body was trying to convince you to rush in without thinking. 

 

Resisting the urge that wanted to charge at him with the same efforts as last time, the ache on your lower abdomen being the voice of reason that kept your feet grounded. You sharpened your eyes as you sent him a glare, you were going to succeed. 

________________________________  

 

Time was relative right now, your body was bruised and beaten and yet Scaramouche was still in pristine condition. He hadn’t even broken a single sweat whereas you were panting from the nonstop fight, the sun was slowly setting which told you that it had definitely been a few hours that the two of you were out here. 

 

By this point you were already comfortable with using the element of fire, not as much as your own vision but decent enough to hold your own in battle. With that being said you still made little to no progress with the ‘training’. No matter what you did or how you did, it was always a failure. Anytime you’d try for a long range attack Scaramouche would dodge it with the grace of a swan as infuriating as it was. When you’d go for close ranged fighting he’d just promptly kick or punch you until you were on the floor in pain or backing away. 

 

It was looking hopeless at this point, once it turned dark you knew your chances of winning would be zero. 

 

It was a gamble but you were going to have to switch strategies, you’d tried almost everything you could think of and you were getting desperate. The thought of trying to trick him came quickly but you brushed it off, he was much too smart to fall for any little petty attack especially coming from you. 

 

It was so stupid that the more you thought the clearer it became, he wouldn’t expect such an idiotic thing from you simply because you were only business. Still of course you had some sense of shame so you wouldn’t do anything downright idiotic but instead something on a level that he would figure out too late. 

 

The real question was, what were you even going to do? 

 

There was little you could use since all you had on your person were the things currently being used, you were going to have to think outside the box. Your eyes hurriedly flitting over the forest and battleground scenery, nothing was coming to you yet, until your eyes had landed on a low hanging branch.  

 

‘Maybe if I–’ A harsh kick to your lower back sent you flying into the tree, a low groan bubbled from your chest as branches and debris fell off of the tree in front of you. Your sight was slightly blurred from the sheer impact but it wasn’t anything you weren’t trained to handle, your body had already begun to instinctively move before you could fully process what was happening. Grabbing your polearm with one hand as you sent a large burst of flames in what you assumed to be Scaramouche’s general area. 

 

As soon as the smoke and flames died down you analyzed the area, Scaramouche was already watching you with his arms crossed. He let out a small scoff before speaking up, “I’ve already told you before, your attacks are disorganized and lack any real strength. It’s a surprise to see this is how you’ve lived–let alone climb the ranks, but I guess that’s what happens when the eleventh favors you like some mutt he found off the street.” 

 

His words were cold, sharp and precise. As much as you wanted to rule it out as Scaramouche just trying to provoke you, you knew better than to just ignore his words. They held a semblance of truth, a reality that you didn’t want to face but no matter since he could see right through you. Even though all the serious personas you’ve put up and shaped throughout these grueling years, he’d take them right down with the fury of thunder raging in the sky. 

 

Fighting back the urge to even scowl at him, you wanted to avoid letting him know he’d struck a nerve in the first place. Rather simply staying up at night and letting your thoughts consume you then to process them in the first place, on training grounds for that matter. 

 

Take a quick breath of air, the inhale felt like you had a stabbing pain in your ribs that only made you wince in pain. Recovering from the minor setback as quick as it came, concentrating as much stolen elemental power as you possibly could in the palm of your hand. It felt the same as when you had summoned the serpent of ice but you had to act quickly, it felt like the pyro was slipping away like sand with each extra second you took. 

 

Shaking your head and letting out a small grunt of frustration, Scaramouche watching with a curious yet bored look. He held that air of egotistical smugness that no matter what you did, it’d hold no effect on him simply because he was better than you.

 

He was right to believe this. 

 

Without wasting another second you thrust your hand forward, a torrent of flames bursted out like a raging beast finally uncaged and wrecking havoc upon the forest. The entirety of the clearing was illuminated with a fierce orange flow as the sound of the flames crackling and popping sounds in your ears. The heat alone was scorching as it clashed with the frigid air surrounding it, melting any surrounding ice that laid in its path and along with your face scrunching up in pain from the radiating heat. 

 

Pure adrenaline was surging throughout your entire body, you could feel your blood pumping in your ears as you tossed your spear through the flames, right where The Balladeer had been standing last. A burn in your body as you took off from where you stood, your feet slipping and sliding through the sludge that had been created from the fire. Having to maneuver around the large blast of fire and you had to reach the other side before it died out and Scaramouche could predict your next move, looking off you saw a tree.

 

The tree acted as a perfect boost, using both your feet and grounding yourself against the tree while you stepped on it to almost project you over five feet into the air as a branch had snapped off in the process. Finally pinpointing where Scaramouche was, he looked slightly surprised at the sight of you closing in on him. 

 

Aiming the sharp end of your chosen weapon right to his face, maybe if you could’ve been quicker the flames would’ve concealed your whereabouts more easily. Scaramouche landed a swift punch and successfully tossed you to the side, watching your body hit the ground with thud. He looked at your fallen body and instead of being met with the reflective shine of your metallic spear, he was met with a wooden branch. 

 

“Wait-” Within a millisecond he cocked his head to the side and snatched the flying spear heading straight for his chest. It was such a close call that not even he would’ve known what could have possibly happened if he had missed his mark only by another second. The uncertainty alone caused him to grit his teeth and scowl as his grip on the spear was tightened by the force. 

 

“Did you really a pathetic trick like that would be enough to fool–” 

 

Crack !  

 

His head was nearly snapped to the side from the sheer force as he processed what had just happened, indigo eyes wide with pure disbelief written on his delicate features. 

 

Y/N had landed a jagged punch to his face, catching him off guard completely. 

 

His beautiful and perfect face, tainted by a mortal he once knew. 

 

The worst part was–he still couldn’t completely hate you for this.

 

_________________________ 

 

Meanwhile, in Liyue Harbor. 

 

A Fatui soldier was making haste, their steps quick and precise as they had only one goal in mind. A letter in hand as they began to approach their Harbinger, the ginger quickly noticed the soldier and only raised his brow in curiosity. 

 

“It’s for you, Lord Childe, it came in the post for you at the Northland Bank.” The Fatui soldier handed the tall man the letter. 

 

“For me? This should be good.” Plucking the letter open with little regard as he manhandled the paper envelope and tearing into it like some impatient child, the soldier long gone by now as Childe had begun to read the contents of the paper.   

---

 

Hello Childe, 

 

I am not dead as you can tell by this letter itself. I apologize if my writing is not exactly good. Everything is well. I would have rather been running the soldiers in your division. It’s not bad here just absolutely horrible interesting. The Balladeer is very strong, yet strict and I find myself in trouble often. I hope you enjoy your mission in Liyue and return safely with the nyoses. 

 

-Your assistant, Y/N 

 

P.s. Is it normal for The Balladeer to constantly be angry? 

 

---

“I can tell they love it there.” He snickered and spoke to no one in particular, laughing a little bit harder at your monotonous writing and poor attempt at the spelling of the word ‘Gnosis’.

 

Childe did find himself missing his assistant a lot more than he typically would’ve, hoping that upon his return you’d be jumping for pure joy and shedding tears of happiness. It was all wishful thinking but it was a funny thought to pass the time. 

 

The mission would be over in due time anyways but until then, he really hopes you can hold out long enough.  

 

Notes:

Hope you had a good thanksgiving for those of you who celebrate it, pls enjoy this extra-long chapter and lmk if you find any mistakes, love you guys 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

(Next chapter might be shorter then usual, not sure yet though)

Chapter 11: It's Dark Out

 

This was of a celebratory occasion, one where a person would typically be expecting to be met with prizes of all kinds along with strands of rewards that seemed never ending. 

 

Well, you expected at least a small ‘Well done.’ 

 

Not the sound of deafening silence. You could hear all of nature in its beauty, the crunch of your feet as you walked; feeling your body ride out its high that was pure adrenaline. The continuous jingle from Scaramouche’s hat as he walked a few paces ahead of you, the sound driving you insane that you had less than half a mind to just reach out and rip the damned thing from off the hat without a care for the consequences. 

 

After landing the finishing blow to the Harbingers face it had gone downhill from there, his cocky grin was quickly replaced by a look one would describe as a mix of pure shock, disgust, and anger. The young man took a few seconds almost as if he couldn’t believe he had been bested by someone who was supposed to be his underling.

 

Of course, after it settled in just long enough, he shot you a glare and quickly turned on his heel and just started to walk away. Almost as if he were trying to leave the memory of what had occurred here behind, leaving you to float silently behind him like some ghost from the past. 

 

This bastard was making you feel bad for winning a game he’d created! 

 

Not that you felt bad, in the sense that you felt you shouldn’t have done it in the first place. Like a mortal testing their morality to a god, the game was rigged from the start, and you had just won.

 

Even though he was acting similar to a child being forced to clean their messy room after losing the fight he himself vouched for, you didn’t feel even slightly comfortable gloating about your victory. Afraid that was some sort of omnipotent god that’d strike you down in the name of blasphemy. 

 

The sun was far gone by now, he could leave you to get lost in Snezhnaya’s forest to possibly be eaten by a pack of wolves that would probably show more gratitude for you being their dinner then Scaramouche. Maybe their maws would be the forgiving warmth you had been looking for your entire life? 

 

Quickly shaking your head at such an idiotic thought, picking up your pace and trailing behind him like some lost puppy. It was cold, dark, silent, and you could tell you were going to wake up sore tomorrow. 

 

Altogether, it wasn’t an ideal situation. 

 

Curling more into yourself to avoid the frosty environment you wondered a few things, things that you had no confidence in breaking the silence to just simply ask. The unpleasant memory of getting electrocuted flashed in your mind and made you quiver more with dread. 

 

‘Does this mean I can have my vision back? Archons…I sound like some kid who just got scolded for doing something they weren’t supposed to.’ Thinking silently, if it could get anymore quieter, to yourself. More concerned about your vision than anything, sure having a delusion was favorable and all but it just didn’t feel right. Even if you were held a strange immunity towards it doesn’t mean all of the negative connotation surrounding it simply vanished, people lost their lives because of it, people you knew.

 

Glancing down at your hand, the ruby red orb encased in its golden frame. The warmth was nice even if it only heated up a small area of your body, that being your palm. Looking back up to be met with more densely packed trees and snow, how Scaramouche knew his way back was a mystery that you weren’t interested in asking. The matter surrounding your vision was a whole other situation though, your mouth opened but words had yet to fall from your mouth. 

 

What could you even ask without offending his already bruised ego? Clearly losing to his assistant was not being taken well, you could hear the small buzz as harmless sparks of electro popped from his body occasionally. A soft sigh escaped your lips as you shut your mouth before a fly made its home in the crevices of your mouth, it’d be smarter to just ask at a later time. 

 

“Spit it out already.” His voice, harsh as ever, cut through the thick silence that seemed forever ongoing after the fight had died down. He didn’t falter in his steps, and if it weren’t for the way your body involuntarily tensed at the sound, you would’ve believed it was your mind playing tricks on you. 

 

“Does this mean I’ve earned my vision, Sir?” Calling him Scaramouche felt too informal at a time like this, no matter how much you wanted even a small pat on the back you doubt you’d receive your credit where credit was due. Why were you even asking this? Obviously, he was going to give it back, if anything you were probably more like an annoying mosquito buzzing around him and asking redundant questions. 

 

“ No .”  

 

Big relief, honestly what were you even thinking–

 

Did he just say no?

 

“Excuse me?” The words slipped out faster than you could register, not that there was even a way to contain your confusion that was thickly layered onto your features. What did he mean? You did all that he asked for, archons…your patience was quickly leaving and being replaced with an anger that stuck to you like tar.  

 

“What? Are you seriously upset that you won’t have your precious little vision for a little while longer?” Scaramouche remarked in a blatantly condescending tone, looking behind him as he gave you a grin to only further mock you. He had the upper hand at all times, and he was not one to shy away from the fact regarding it. 

 

“I’m not upset, but I thought we agreed that once I landed a single hit on you then that meant I won and in return I’d receive my vision.” A part of you wanted to call this reasoning but you knew that this was far from it, you were questioning a ticking time bomb that was more than glad to put you in your place. 

 

It was almost second nature to you though, you had been so complacent and taking each hit like some obedient dog that just waited for more. It was foolish to forget a key part of yourself, you too were also human. Trying to stuff any traces of humanity left in a tiny crevice of your mind in hopes that if you didn’t feel, you wouldn’t be haunted with nightmares concerning your past. It was as if you were trying to contain a typhoon in a delicate glass bottle, one that was so close to just teetering off the edge and shattering. 

 

It wasn’t as if you had any healthy outlets to let off this steam, fighting and sparring only made worse work of your already crowding mind. Yelling at subordinates makes you feel like some lowlife trying to overcompensate for all the shitty things that’s happened in their life by yelling at people who were also in the melting pot of leading a poor and unfortunate life. All you had was at night, when you’d rest your head against a pillow that was equivalent to laying on a pile of rocks and just think. 

 

Thinking wasn’t a valid option right now because you were right here, the frost was nipping at the exposed skin of your body, your heart thrummed loudly in your chest, and you felt your cheeks grow hot with embarrassment. 

 

“Did you really think that I would abide by such idiotic promises? I am leagues above you and yet here you are, demanding that I give you your prize simply because you’ve ‘won’ it? I must say Y/N, even I’m surprised that you’d stoop to such low levels.” A dry chuckle left his lips as he continued to walk back to base, not even acknowledging you with a simple glance over his shoulder.  

 

It was a slow burn that crowded your body, not even realizing the way both of your fists were clenched into tight fists. One had your fingernails digging small crescent moon shaped marks and the other had an uncomfortably tight grip around your delusion. The heat was unbearable and yet you still felt all too cold at the same time, slow and silent steps you took behind The Balladeer as you glared holes into the back of his head. 

 

‘Cocky, arrogant, bastard, short–who does he even think he is? A god reincarnate?’ Degrading thoughts concerning the harbinger split from your mind and spread across your thoughts. Shoulders tensed as you physically restrained yourself from doing something you’d later come to regret, you liked to think that you had good discipline when it came to frustrating situations such as these ones. 

 

Sometimes it’s okay to lie, not in things like these though.

 

“That’s bullshit.” The sound was crisp, sliced through the air like a freshly sharpened blade while also boosting your confidence. Watching him pause in front of you, taking that as your chance to start again. 

 

“I did what you want, not even mentioning that you stole my vision, and now you’re calling me ungrateful because I’m making the request of asking for it back when you're the one who made the terms yourself…you’re nothing but a–” Your face was pulled back into what looked to be a snarl, your voice rising with every word spoken until you were unexpectedly cut off. 

 

“ Hypocrite ?”

 

This time, Scaramouche made the effort to actually turn around and face you. His face was a scowl with a small smile to accompany him. He was daring you to keep pushing on with your foolish tantrum. 

 

“I was going to say an egotistical bastard, but that works too.” You’d spoken with a more level tone; he was just trying to egg you on into losing your calm. This was like throwing yourself into a small pond full of starving crocodiles, nothing new but this is probably where you die. 

 

“Taken that’s how you feel, what can you even do about it? I can’t tell if you're smart or just plain stupid, most likely the latter given your state.” Looking you up and down with a judgmental look before he spoke again, “You're free to try and take it back but I doubt you’ll do anything, look at how much it took out of you just to land a punch , really Y/N, you’ve just proven to be a complacent fool.” Scaramouche was laughing, laughing very hard. 

 

At you.  

 

Sometimes people tend to lie to themselves just to make them feel better about something they have the choice to change, or to simply forget the fact that they were born or given a fault they’re too blind to fix. You’re unfortunately one of those fools, or maybe you’re not. Maybe you deserve to act like this, like an adult who indulges themselves with all the candy they want without the care of a parental figure scolding them for such an unhealthy intake of the sugared goods. 

 

For the next few moments, you’d like to say it was an out of body experience, and it was honestly. You felt strange as if it wasn’t even your body anymore, that it wasn’t you in control–no, how could the ever so loyal assistant even think of harming her Harbinger–not that she even could, it could never be her. 

 

The sound of feet hitting the cushioned floor was coming from you though, your feet, your legs, your arm reaching to grab your weapon, and your delusion being charged up. The rush of adrenaline coursing through your veins, helping you to forget your injuries if only for a moment more. Being dead set on hurting the man in front of you. 

 

Before you could take even a fourth step, the feeling of something cold wrapping around your neck was prevalent to you at that very moment, a sharp pain on the back of your head was secondary. The pain dazed your frenzied state, the pain spreading throughout your whole body as black dots painted your vision while you could only hear a loud piercing ringing noise. All your anger and rage were immediately forgotten in that moment, trying to connect the dots on how you even ended up in this predicament. 

 

As your vision cleared up and the ringing died down, you felt a slight pressure on your neck and looked for the culprit. 

 

Scaramouche’s face finally registered in your head; he towered above you as he straddled your chest with his knees digging painfully into your arms to keep them from moving. Glancing over to the side to see your polearm and delusion discarded aside in a very pitiful manner. 

 

“Look at me.” He spat, tightening his grip against your neck and turned your head to face him in a rather painful manner. Lowering his head closer to yours, with a wide-eyed crazed look swimming in his electric indigo eyes, the smell of smoke, ash, and dirt overwhelmed your already sensitive nostrils that only helped to create a painful headache that was like a jagged knife threatening to escape.  

 

“Why do you insist on acting like this? Like a child!” He sternly spat in your face while his voice was leveled. It was extremely strained, had you not already felt nauseous you might’ve picked up on the way it seemed as if he wasn’t even talking to you. “–Gone all these years, came back to me as a stranger and saying all these cruel things!” All you could do now was flinch away from his overstimulation, adding another wave of pain to your throbbing headache. 

 

“I know it’s you Y/N, so why act as if you don’t remember me! What about all those things you said back in Tatarasuna?! Answer me!” His motions were unpredictable and erratic, in the moments where you could focus all you’d see was him looking at you with a look of betrayal and disgust. 

 

“Let me go…” Was all you could muster, squirming under his hold and coughing a little due to the applied pressure blocking your airway. What was going on with him? 

 

The look on your face was probably a mix of fear, confusion, and defiance. That seemed to be enough as Scaramouche looked at you, he really looked at you this time and almost as if he snapped out of his trance because he was off of you within seconds and fixing his hat before walking off. 

 

Leaving you on the cold and hard ground, panting as you turned to your side and peeled yourself from off of the floor. It felt like someone was grabbing your lungs and twisting them in a sadistic manner.  

 

“Ugh–” Painfully groaning out, a coughing fit erupted from your lungs as you felt your whole body shake from the sheer force of it. That wasn’t something you were expecting let alone paying attention to. 

 

Reaching out your arm to grab your weapon, what were you even thinking? Clearly nothing smart, it was beyond frustrating. Moreso the fact that with every word The Balladeer spoke was nothing but the truth wrapped prettily in barbed wire, and at every cross and turn you’d do nothing except but prove him correct. 

 

Using the dull end of your spear as you dug it into the ground and had it as some sort of crutch to help yourself up. Standing on your two feet was proving to be a difficult feat due to the wave of lightheadedness you’d felt but pushing the feeling away as you put your spear away for later uses. 

 

‘Talk about unresolved issues, can’t believe we have crazies for superiors…’ Thinking to yourself as you were staring at the snowy forest floor, Childe quickly popped into your mind as you shook your head and quickly took back the statement you’d thought of. Did this mean you were off duty for the rest of the day? 

 

Either way, you deserved some time to yourself at least. Especially after being slammed on the floor for no seemingly good reason at all, faintly remembering the words that were being bombarded into your face not even ten minutes ago. 

 

You at least had his footsteps to follow in the snow, he was long gone, and you were like a lost little lamb far from home in this forest. 

 

______________________________________ 

 

The sound of snow crunching below your feet was a soothing ambient noise, the sun having already been lowered and the moon taking its spot in the sky. While it was very nice to see, it was also extremely hard to look for the path in front of you and having to use your delusion multiple times to illuminate the path in front of you because if you didn’t, you’d probably end up dead in a ditch somewhere. 

 

‘What was he on about?’ The thought popped like a bubble that had gotten tired of floating around and you partially were trying to push back that thought because if you could ignore your problems, they’d go away eventually. Or that’s what you’d convince yourself anyways. 

 

The memory of Scaramouche slamming you onto the floor and having you pinned and under his mercy within seconds was the first to come. Like you could even forget that–but whatever, the oddest part that had you concerned was the stuff he had been yelling at you. Sure, it could’ve been another Y/N, but the chances were slim, and it was too much of a coincidence to even come close to being equivalent to that. Plus, how many people in Teyvat had such a unique name such as yours? 

 

The faint thought of him screaming something about the two of you speaking in Tatarasuna, the almost abandoned island. Sure, you weren’t caught up in the world history of Inazuma despite it being your homeland, but you weren’t a complete dummy. You’d hear the cautious tales the adults would tell the other children in your village, the ‘Land of Nonstop Rain and Thunder’ would strike fear into the children’s hearts as they stuck to each other like glue. The sound of it was music to your rebellious teen ears, trying to desperately make it to the island but with the lack of supplies and a plan caused it to slip by before you’d realize. 

 

Crunch .

 

The sound was muted by the odd stillness in the air, too silent you’d immediately note. Especially after your last encounter with the ruin guard, you weren’t too keen on this forest and the strange anomalies that had made their way inside. 

 

Snapping your head in the general direction of the noise, freezing in your tracks altogether in a poor attempt at trying to pick up some more information. Even if you had continued walking, you’d probably still be able to hear a pin drop. 

 

‘What is that…’ Squinting your eyes to the bush, had that been moving? Your suspicions were cleared when the shrubbery had started to violently rustle, practically jumping in your skin at the unsuspected movement before speeding away from the situation altogether. Today was not the day where you’d satiate your curious needs. 

 

“No thank you…” Was a quiet whisper to yourself. 

 

Not long after, you’d finally make it back to the base and head straight for your room. The tiny shoebox felt like heaven the more you thought about getting to rest your head down on a very stiff and chilling pillow. As snug as a bug in a rug. 

 

Stepping into your room that was slightly less cold than the outside air, letting out a small sigh as you’d begin to shed off your uniform and slip into something more comfortable–that being a white shirt and some black sweatpants. Of course, issued by the cooperation, you didn’t get fancy gifts from family back home like some soldiers.  

 

Grabbing your spear from the nothingness of where it goes, setting it right next your bedside before you’d sit down on the edge of your bed. Now you were supposed to rest for the next day but your mind was still running and once it started it was hard to stop. 

 

Many questions were popping in and out of your head, too foolish that once they were recognized they were discarded. What was Scaramouche blabbering about? What was up with him not giving you your vision back? Did he have some weird vendetta against you? Did you remind him of someone, it would explain his occasional strange behaviors. Why were you so weak? What was Childe doing right now? Did Scaramouche favor you? 

 

Favor you? 

 

The idea was preposterous, but one that you couldn’t discard as easily as the others. Was this some sick fantasy that you were developing? The big bad wolf falls for the timid little lamb–a story of nothing but thorns and betrayal. 

 

You really were getting bored if you had the time to cook up such a weird fascination but looking at it from a logical standpoint rather than an emotional one–it’d make sense. Just as much sense that the sun will eventually blow up, the only ethical evidence you had to back up your reasoning was the fact that you were getting it much easier than his other soldiers. Of course, one could rebuttal that statement by saying he was only conserving you because you didn’t, for a lack of better words, belong to him. 

 

Being Childe’s assistance was possible saving you at the moment but what about the time Scaramouche had seemed as if he’d known you upon seeing your face. Realistically the entire encounter was brief, not lasting longer than twenty seconds in total but as much as you mulled the reason around, you couldn’t think of an idealistic rebuttal to that one. 

 

Being his superior, did it really make sense that he’d want to conserve something belonging to a person he held such a disdain for?

 

Before you knew it your head was already laying against your pillow, successfully thinking yourself into a deep sleep just as you typically did on most nights. 

 

Dozing off into peaceful slumber. 

Notes:

Happy New years everyone, hope y'all ate your grapes lolol. Anyways i just wanted to thank all you beautiful people and souls for reading my story, i love seeing your guys little silly comments as they only inspire me to just keep writing for my fun little story. I know i'm not exactly consistant with posting the chapters, i'm kinda busy a lot unfortunately but new year, new schedule so i'll definitely try to do a lot more better. That being said i cannot explain how thankful i am for everything, i wasn't expecting this story to get even an ounce of attention but now that i have it, i don't plan on disappointing. Hope this new year treats everyone as fabulous as it will and with that, thank you for reading and cheers to more chapters!!!!!!

Chapter 12: Fur Coats

The sensation of brisk water flowing between your legs was enough to snap you out of your drowsiness. Looking around in an attempt to secure your surroundings, you were home as usual.  

 

Cold yet refreshing water trickled downstream, filling the air with a comforting silence along with a few birds letting out a small tweet of their tune. Today was one of those days where you did nothing but everything at the same time. 

 

The feeling of confusion left as soon as it came, replaced by complacent ease. It still felt cloudy but for now you'd ignore it and just live in the moment. 

 

“Are you ready now—” Someone’s name left your lips before you could even register that you were the person speaking, who were you with? Obviously you knew, just not right now. Why were you struggling to remember things? That’s fine though, you were safe here.

 

Glancing down to a figure waist deep and bare in the water below you, they were clearly sitting down. Their hair was a unique shade of purple, unlike any you’d ever seen but as pretty as it was, still got dirty. 

 

“Yea, please don’t get the thing into my eyes like last time…” Their voices, one full of concern, hummed out. The response elicited a small laugh from you as you shook your head and knelt down behind them, a small bar of soap in your hand was made known as you dipped it into the water to lather it up. 

 

Reaching your hands up and applying the cleaner into their already soaked hair, making it easy to apply while you’d gently massage their soft hair to get it as clean as possible. The motion was familiar despite you having no recollection of ever doing it before.  

 

As you cleansed their hair, your eyes couldn’t help but wander. Perfect porcelain skin, not a blemish in sight–or so you thought. 

 

A strange marking upon their neck had caught your eye, it had looked like the electro sigil but somehow different. More sharper and was colored a pretty baby blue that was just a tad bit brighter, how had you never noticed this before?

 

Leaving your duty of washing their hair, one of your hands planted into the refreshing water as you used it for support before lowering your body so that you were leveled with the strange marking. The free hand, while occupied with holding the soap, reached up and gently ran your free fingers against it.

 

It felt like it was brimming with electricity, your finger lingering for a moment too long as it felt like a small shock being conducted throughout your arm. A small gasp escaped and your fingers let up against the small bar of soap as it slipped into the water, while it wasn’t painful in any form it was still an unexpected consequence to your curiosity.  

 

Reaching down to pick up the discarded soap, failing to notice the way the person in front of you let out a small shiver at the loss of your touch. 

 

“You know you can do this yourself now, right? I’ve already taught you what to do.” There you went, speaking without thinking. Why was this a common occurrence? It was like you were just watching yourself from an outsider's standpoint, it must’ve been normal. 

 

“Well I can- but you just do it better!” Even though you couldn’t see the person's face you’d stifle a laugh at their poor excuse of a lie, best not to point out one of their endearing flaws. Who knows, it could come in handy later. 

 

“Of course I do, I’ve done it my whole life…” You hummed in an amused tone, the two of you falling into a comfortable silence. Until you broke it, “–say ?????   why don’t we just wander along the coast today? The weather is almost too good to ignore, we might even be able to say hello to the cat that lives nearby.” 

 

__________________________________________________ 

Something of a strange dream you’d have, not like you weren’t used to it by now but to say the way it’d leave your head reeling in an uncomfortable attempt to remember memories that seemed almost forgotten, made you feel a bit on edge.  

 

Sitting up in bed and immediately being reminded of your previous day's activities with the way your body ached and groaned. Nevertheless, you’d stand up and begin getting ready for an exciting day full of misery and pain. 

 

It felt stuffy in your room, the kind of feeling where you felt like tearing everything in sight apart. You were cold, aching, and repressing emotions so it was no wonder why at times such as these you felt the need to step out of line and cause chaos. Not like you’d ever get around to it though, you wanted to live as long as possible so the most rebellious thing you could possibly do was not wear your uniform. Maybe you could’ve gotten away with doing that while working under Childe, Scaramouche not so much–he’d probably force the clothes back onto your body regardless.   

 

It wasn’t long before you finished up with your personal matters and arrived at his office, he’d barely acknowledged your presence as you stepped in with the stealth of a cat. Had he still been mad at you for the incident where he had been screaming at you like a madman? Dancing around his emotions was proving to be quite difficult the longer time stretched on for the two of you.

 

Looking over at the man in question, he didn’t bother to even look at you and continued to bury his head in the piles of paper on his desk. Staring off ahead at the burning fire nestled in the wall of his office, the mantle for the fireplace itself was absolutely stunning just as the rest of the office was but given his position it really wasn’t all that surprising.  

 

The office smelled fairly nice, like incense that had been just lit and left a faint but lingering smell. A specialty from Sumeru that wasn’t exactly hard to get your hands on but the mora cost was what made people typically stray away from it or they just simply didn’t enjoy the intriguing scents, quality over quantity. 

 

Either way you much preferred this over the choking fumes that had made their way into the office not too long ago—the cause? You still had no idea what Scaramouche could’ve been doing to create such a foul order but the fact that he was completely unbothered only made the hairs on your neck stand up. 

 

Should you greet him? It would be the polite thing considering that you're his underling, the only thing making you bite your tongue was the fear of his horribly short temper and any repetition of your past injuries were highly unwanted. 

 

“Save it, hearing your voice would be equivalent to forcing a hilichurl to sing.” His voice cut in, catching you off guard and glancing in his direction while processing the words. He never seemed to miss a beat, continuing to write with a strange elegance that had it not been a given from his nature of cruel comments and jabs, you would’ve believed that you had been hearing things. 

 

‘Daydreaming is better anyways.’ 

 

 Slightly jealous that not even you could come up with such an astonishingly crude statement on the fly. Then again you never did much speaking, saving that for when you’d berate the other soldiers.  

 

As much as the idea pleased you, you weren’t that type of person. You all were just pawns for the Tsaritsa to use as she pleased and the titles you’d collect was her just throwing a bone to distract you from looking too much into things.  

 

What were these things? One could say it was all just a giant government conspiracy that she planned on becoming Teyvat’s sole ruler—sure, maybe you did eavesdrop a little too much on the lower ranked soldiers but it was a good way to pass time. 

 

That’s when it hits you, like lightning strikes a poor idiot left standing in the rain for too long. 

 

‘Vision! Where is my vision?!’ The thought was rapid and it sent a pang of urgency through you, goosebumps raising your arm hairs, and suddenly your uniform was ten sizes too small.  

 

Could you maybe bring it up? How were you supposed to casually bring up the fact that you wanted your vision back without sending him into another one of those freakish frenzies? 

 

Despising the fact that someone actually had your cold and calm demeanor reduced to nothing but a ball of anxiety and a touch of teenage rebelliousness , your sharp edge really was becoming dull the longer you worked under him. 

 

It felt like an ego death for you, panicking over the fact that you no longer had your vision and the other half trying to reign in your emotions. This was really starting to remind you of your rookie days, countless days spent staying up as your brain never seemed to shut off and trying to pick a fight with the biggest guy in the room to prove something—that you weren’t just some scrappy kid from a rural village in Inzauma.  

 

Whatever .

 

____________________________________________

Your life felt like a monotonous repeat of absolutely nothing. 

 

Wake up, report to Scaramouche, stay in his office, wait, go back to your quarters, sleep. 

 

If you were lucky, he’d send you to go run a small errand. It was strange honestly, he’d still dig at you for being a ‘complacent mutt’, his words not yours, for the mere fact that nothing was ever getting done but the blame was only on him, he’d never let you go three feet away from him on the rare occasions he’d take you along for a small mission. 

 

Of course you could still hold your own—forcing yourself to hone your physical abilities because the bastard had refused to give you your vision back. Sometimes when he’d let you go back to room early, you’d sit in the same snowy biome that Childe allowed you to slack off and just stare ahead at the icy dunes. The walk was long but worth it, your body felt like it was going through withdrawal without your vision and it definitely missed the freezing artificial snow.  

 

The only positives you could conclude from the whole situation was that all this sitting around had let your injuries and bruises heal up without any problems, the back pain from waking up was a thing of the past–or at least until Scaramouche wanted to take his anger out on you for whatever reason.

 

On other occasions when Scaramouche left after a subordinate from The Doctors division came and said something along the lines that he ‘was needed’, you would go to the training grounds that were shared by the entire camp and just fight with whatever soldiers were available at the time. It was enough to keep you agile but not enough to feed into your restless urges, blaming Childe for making you crave a decent fight or in other words a fight lasting long enough until you’d drop from exhaustion.

 

Not even to mention the stupid ginger, not a peep from him even after you went through all that trouble to pick up a pen and actually write something for once—never again you’d promise yourself but you really did hope that nothing had happened to him. Not that you cared but working under The Balladeer was probably the most miserable thing you’ve ever done. 

 

This has truly been an eye opening experience, you really couldn’t wait to close them. 

 

“—(Y/N)!” 

 

“Yessir.” Being yanked out of daydreaming was actually very distorting, finding yourself standing in your usual spot right besides his desk but instead of the quiet and tense silence that you had grown accustomed to. It was more tense and no longer quiet, Scaramouche’s face was scowling with anger as he glared at you and he really looked like he was two seconds from lunging at you and strangling your dainty throat. 

 

Upon finally grabbing your attention he took a sharp inhale and shook his head—what seemed to be a poor attempt at him trying to diffuse his anger. 

 

“Are you really that incompetent to the point if I’m not speaking for a prolonged amount of time, you’re off in another world?” His voice was leveled and stern, like a parent asking their child why they cut off their cat's whiskers. He was definitely still pissed but it seemed he was more disappointed if anything. 

 

Right as you were about to speak and defend your side he’d cut you off, “—as I was saying, I have a meeting to attend and you’re coming with. It should go unspoken but knowing you I have make sure you know the specifics. Keep your mouth shut. ” 

 

He’d emphasize the last word, looking right into your eyes as if he were judging your very soul. 

 

“Yes, Scaramouche.” Were you still on name terms with him? Doesn’t matter, you were practically jumping for joy at the news of finally breaking routine and doing something different. 

 

That’s when it really hit you, a meeting. Harbinger meeting. 

 

Harbinger. 

 

The strongest soldiers, handpicked by the renowned Tsaritsa herself. All in one room, together. 

 

It wasn’t as if you had never attended a meeting before, just very nerve wracking and your appointed Harbinger at the time wasn’t exactly the best person to attend with. A slight grimace made its way onto your face at the memory of Childe hardly slapping your back during the meeting—face burning in embarrassment as you couldn’t meet anybody’s eyes for the remainder of it. 

 

If Scaramouche noticed your apparent unease, he’d make no comment. Instead standing up and made his way towards the corner of the office, much to your confusion, until his hands reached for an oversized white coat with markings that ranged from a light dusty grey to a deep black, of course with the Fatui emblem on the sides of the coat. The most notable was a trail of black fur along the edge of the hood, no doubt it being real fur. Everything about the coat screamed expensive, the markings and greyish color seemed like something you’d never be able to afford no matter how long you worked. 

 

He only gifted you with an uninterested gaze, of course this was no big deal for him. It wasn’t like you hadn’t seen the coats before either, Childe had bragged about the warmth and comfort of the coat but you paid him no mind, too stressed about the fact that you were going to meet people you weren’t sure on if you should admire or just simply fear. 

 

Nevertheless, the coat itself was stunning and definitely easy on the eyes. 

 

“Hurry up, we don’t have all day.” 

 

Quickly moving from your spot as you went to open the door like some butler, waiting for him to walk through so you could trail behind like a robot. 

 

He made his way to the door but instead of walking through he stopped nearly in front of you and held out his hand, urging you to take whatever laid inside. So with a hesitant shake you reached out and prepared for whatever monstrosity laid in his palm.

 

A chill ran down your spine as the item clashed into your palm, but for some odd reason you actually felt refreshed and revived. Your body processed it much quicker than your mind, he had given you your vision! 

 

A look of shock settled on your face as an excited grin was next, temporarily forgetting the fact that you were acting like an absolute idiot in front of someone who probably hated you. Looking up at him as if you were waiting for some sort of explanation for his actions, and for once you weren’t met with a face of pure disgust but rather a one with an odd amount of serenity. 

 

Scaramouche was quick to notice your gaze, had you not know better it felt as if the smug look he put on next was almost forced? 

 

“You might need it.” His words were spoken with the same sickly sweet tone he used when he knew he was being an ass, his eyes crinkling with joy as your smile quickly fell and a look of confusion took its place. 

 

Without another word he brushed by and began to walk away and you, of course, followed right behind. 

 

‘What the hell is that supposed to mean?!’ Eyes trying to scrutinize the man in front of you as for why he had chosen such an eerie use of words. Was this his plan? To deprive you of your vision until the upcoming Harbinger meeting just so he could be petty and say such ominous words? 

 

It was a reach but it wasn’t entirely out of the ballpark, like high hanging fruit. 

 

Removing yourself from your thoughts and staring at the person in front of you, the back of his head looked oddly familiar but you couldn’t exactly place it when you had seen such a unique color of hair. The more you thought about it, the more it made your head hurt so you’d just stop altogether. 

 

Now that you were actually observing him, he seemed quite small without his Kasa hat and more quiet without the calming jingle of the bells attached to his hat. He seemed even smaller in comparison to the coat on his shoulders, the coat was haphazardly placed around him and it only seemed to further confirm your theory that coldness didn’t affect the young man. 

 

You on the other hand were starting to feel the effects of being revealed in the elements like this, the two of you were walking in the snowy tundra of Snezhnaya and much farther from base. On a regular day you wouldn’t have been bothered because of your Fatui uniform, those things were built for the sheer coldness of the land, your uniform on the other hand was clearly not meant for durability and more of an aesthetic choice. 

 

That being because Cryo Cincin Mages had a very high tolerance to their outside environment, given how they were always surrounded by those freezing buzzing insects. Memories of you trying to tame the small but fierce creatures quickly came to mind, also the part when you had begun to get attacked by the jittery idiots as well. 

 

Safe to say it was utterly embarrassing. 

 

Not saying that your uniform was an exact copy of theirs, but it was definitely used as a reference, you were beginning to realize that looking cool wasn’t exactly the best choice and maybe this is why Childe never let you indulge in something as stupid as this. Were you being a little bit too ungrateful? Yes, but it was acceptable because it was getting extremely cold now. 

Point being, you were not a qualified Cryo cincin mage. So, you were not properly equipped to handle the cold weather at its worst. Also most, if not all of the mages would have rather looked cute if they were given the opportunity and you really couldn’t blame them. Even if there was no use in complaining about the poor situation you had found yourself in, that really didn’t stop the complaints that had been building up mentally. 

 

About five minutes in the walk was when your fingertips went numb, ten minutes and your body was enveloped in slight tremors. No way you were going to last the entirety of the meeting, no way you’d be able to back out as well. 

 

‘Even if I’ve lived here for years, the cold never gets easi—’, A small grunt left your mouth as you felt yourself collide into the back of none other than Scaramouche. Seriously, how many times were you going to do this? 

 

“We’re here.” He made no comment of you hitting him with your body just like last time, he probably could care less at this point, and you weren’t sure if that was something to be grateful or disappointed about. Not because you liked the attention but due to the fact that expectations were already on the floor for him when it came to you. 

 

Shuffling away from him and gazing at the sight before you, the palace where the Harbingers held their meetings and whatnot. They could’ve done it back at base, but they have money and have proven time and time again that they’ll always go the extra mile to display their power. The palace itself was beautiful and well built, but it lacked the love and care that went into most buildings, a symbol of pride and nationalism. 

 

The snow was crunching under your weight, and your body was now shivering uncontrollably. It Looked like a leaf shaking in the wind, but you tried to make it as subtle as possible since there were bigger fish to fry right now. 

 

It wasn’t until the two of you reached the large wooden doors, Scaramouche stopped and looked at you expectantly. Quickly rushing to open the doors for him like you had practiced so many times before, you never really had to open the doors for Childe, didn’t you? He would either open them like a normal person or just kick them open when he was feeling a particular way.

 

It was a struggle to open the two doors, they were extremely heavy and made a loud creaking as you pulled. You had always watched Childe open them with the ease of opening a regular door hence why you were so baffled as to why these ones took an arm and leg just to pull. He definitely did this on purpose, you could tell with the smug smirk you had caught sight of as you pulled.

 

Once you had gotten at least one open after about an awkward minute of struggling, you hung your head low and waited for him to enter all the while catching your breath. It was cold and you were somehow sweating, maybe it was all the anxiety and stress. 

 

It wasn’t warmer on the inside, not surprising considering that the hall was never really used, no waft of warm air but it seemed as if cold air was drifting inside the building instead and with you right in the middle as you held the door made it impossible to conserve what little warmth you already had. It didn’t take a genius to figure out that the Harbingers had less than savory relations with each other. They never seemed like the type to gossip over coffee, Childe maybe, but he never really liked the bitter taste of coffee. 

 

Suddenly it felt as if something was tossed over you, it was a shock as the weight made your head jerk forward with your body following soon in tow. Your feet slightly shuffling ahead and away from the door, just when you had thought you had balanced yourself the door pushed against you with a force of what could be described as a heavy ass wooden door. Overall, you probably looked like a child learning its first steps, you could already imagine the disgusted look on Scaramouche’s face at the sight of you. 

 

After the initial shock wore off and you’d recollect yourself, it didn’t take long for you to understand that you were not being attacked, and that Scaramouche’s coat had indeed been thrown over your head while he walked in. 

 

The warmth was almost immediate, your chilled body relished in it as you subconsciously nuzzled further into the furry trims of the hood itself. Before you could stop your pathetic display at preventing what was most likely turning into frostbite for you, the soft sound of someone walking ahead didn’t go unnoticed and you’d look up just to see him just walking ahead. Why did he give you, his coat? Was this finally his single attempt at being more kind with you? Was something wrong with him? 

 

“Have fun being my coat rack.” He scoffed loudly, continuing to walk ahead while going further into the palace. Looking back at the nothingness of a snowy field, you left your post at the door and followed in after him. Even if this was supposed to be a degrading punishment in his eyes, it couldn’t be any farther from the truth for you as this was practically heaven. Childe wasn’t lying this time around, as surprising as that sounded.  

 

Was he not cold? This was quite mind boggling as you slowly processed that even as you two were inside, it wasn’t much better in here then out there. Then again, he was a Harbinger, and their inhuman strength was nothing to snub your nose at, you’ve seen Childe suffer from an almost fatal injury and treat it as a mildly inconveniencing broken arm. 

 

Safe to say, the cold was probably the least of his worries.  

 

Still, a part of you couldn’t put off how strange it was. Was he not of Inazuman ancestry? Sure, it could’ve made sense if he had been raised here but judging from his attire you really doubted that was the case. 

 

Whatever.

 

Walking inside the palace wasn’t as noteworthy, the lighting was quite literally doom and gloom. Freezing gusts of air would occasionally make their way into the coat that laid on your shoulders and make you wrap it tighter against your figure, it was the perfect size for you. 

 

Looking around at the familiar hall wasn’t anything too shocking, a cobweb here and there and if you were lucky, they might’ve been occupied by an arachnid. To put it nicely, there wasn’t anything interesting about the inside of the palace. It was like meeting an attractive person only to find out that they’re the shallowest person you’ve ever met in your entire life. 

 

The sound of heels walking echoed from down the hall caught your attention, turning your head to curiously look at the source of the noise. What you had seen next quite literally made the air leave your lungs upon notice, today was definitely going to be very interesting as far as you could tell. 

 

The maker of the noise was none other than La Signora herself, she was tall and as stunning as the rumors made her out to be. Silently gawking as it seemed she had been approaching the man in front of you, given how she hadn’t even spared you a single glance. Upon further inspection you had gotten a closer look at her face, since it was the only thing not entirely covered by her large coat, you guys were twinning! 

 

Her aura was pure elegance and authority, she was not a force to be reckoned with but then again that’s how all the Harbingers felt to you. She had pale blonde colored hair that was curled slightly as it cascaded around her, dimmed greyish eyes that seemed to furrow at the sight of Scaramouche, and red lips that curved upwards to betray the look of pure disdain in her eyes. 

 

Her most noticeable feature was the large black mask on her face, it was very unique as it had covered only one of her eyes and had two parts that extended upwards almost like the antlers of a deer, but they had a width that resembled the wings of a bird. The mask was much more different than Childe’s red one, along with the fact that it covered both his eyes if he were to ever just put it on casually. 

 

With all the sudden talk of masks, you yourself felt incredibly bare without coverage on your face. 

 

Should you pull your hoodie over your face? 

 

It had been so long since you had to worry about keeping your face under the stuffy fabric, especially after your original one was permanently gone and you hadn’t even bothered to replace it. Could it be seen as disrespectful if your face wasn’t covered?

 

Before you had time to decide, the tall woman had already stopped in front of the two of you. Of course, you stepped to the side out of habit and allowed them to conversate. She was much more breathtaking up close, averting your eyes to the floor before you were called out for gawking at her like she was some aliens. 

 

“Well, just my luck–” She started, you could hear the sharp sardonic edge to her voice as she began. “–to run into the puppet himself. I should be honored, even more so now that we’re going to be partners for the upcoming mission.” 

 

Her tone was exaggeratingly sarcastic as well as amused, you couldn’t help the way your eyes flickered up to inspect the scene unfolding right before you. Her face was pulled up into a snarling smirk and staring down at Scaramouche, whose expression was blocked given your angle. 

 

What had she meant by calling him The Puppet? Was that one of his titles? They had a mission coming up. 

 

“I suggest you watch your tone, my fair lady.” Scaramouche bit back, you could visibly see his posture going from slack to tensing up as he crossed his arms. His tone was stern yet uninterested at the same time but if it had been you in her position, you doubt you would even be standing up.  

 

La Signore responded to his warning with a dry laugh, matching his movements but she left one arm positioned up and outstretched her palm to him. Her eyes narrowed as she spoke again, “I suggest that you watch your attitude. I must say I do sympathize with your subordinates; you should hear the rumors that they concoct, and the painful part is that they’re not exactly wrong.” 

 

“Do you think it wise to try and belittle someone of higher station than you Signora? Then again, you gossiping with those pathetic runts isn’t really surprising. How do you think they take it? Working under a witch, I mean.” He was quick to shoot back, his tone this time took a more brash response. He wasn’t getting riled up nor backing down, the tension was palpable as you stood there awkwardly. Trying your best to camouflage with the wall, hoping you weren’t doing so much as breathing loud. 

 

“How was the Abyss? Your report never made it back to everyone.” She swiftly changed the subject and grit her teeth as she looked down at him with pure and utter disgust. You could only imagine that he met her expression with the same disdain. 

 

It was silent for only a moment longer before Scaramouche spoke up, “I’ve stated countless times, I don’t make reports if there’s nothing to report. I have much more pressing matters to attend to then to play Harbinger, especially with the likes of you.” 

 

By this point you assumed the two of them were too engrossed in exchanging prettily wrapped insults to notice you staring shamelessly at them, until La Signora met your gaze. It was a scare honestly, you could’ve sworn that your soul left your body for a split second and was violently pulled back down. Immediately setting your eyes back to the floor like it should’ve been in the first place.

 

There was a moment of prolonged silence that you could only pray was all in your head, at least it was before you heard the clicks of heels walking. Maybe she was just walking away and had gotten bored of all the pointless arguing, or so you thought until you felt the harsh grip on your chin. Your head was jerked to the side to face none other than La Signora herself, her eyes staring at you as she inspected your face with an uncomfortable lack of personal space.

 

In your moment of weakness, you couldn’t help the way your eyes immediately went to Scaramouche as if he were going to help you in the first place. He had turned around already and was just staring with a slightly confused look on his face, as the two of you locked gazes his eyes sharpened slightly. Without wasting another second the woman before you let go of your chin, the action felt like she was tossing you aside as one would do with a piece of trash. She straightened her posture and still looked at you, she placed a hand on her hip and with a raised eyebrow turned to Scaramouche.  

 

“I knew I recognized her somewhere. Scaramouche, why do you have Childe’s mutt with you?” La Signora laughed, the sound itself boarded on disbelief and mocking. 

 

“–and why is she wearing your coat?” She added on. 

 

Him on the other hand just glared at her, not saying anything as he just looked fed up with her by this point. You divert your attention back to her; this was honestly just getting uncomfortable with the way she seemingly saw right through you. 

 

‘Seriously…? I’m right here.’ You thought to yourself, mentally facepalming but as usual you didn’t dare to let that show especially in the presence of two Harbingers. 

 

After a moment of prolonged silence La Signora followed up with another remark, this time turning away from your figure and back to facing Scaramouche.

“Well, I can understand why you have her without the mask. She’s easy on the eyes, for the most part.” This time an insult was thrown your way as she looked like she was holding back a laugh at the absurdity of it all. Now you really were rethinking even coming at all, but it wasn’t as if you had a choice in the matter, perhaps Scaramouche would just let you wait outside until they finished up. 

 

“Are you done acting like an incompetent fool, my fair lady. ” Scaramouche snarled as he spoke the term of endearment that was her name with nothing short but of pure hatred. He himself felt like this conversation was dragging on much farther than necessary. 

 

La Signora eyes squinted in delight as a small smile graced itself onto her features which had it not been for the unfortunate situation you definitely would’ve been paying her the needed compliments, she clearly was having the time of her life right now and now you were definitely going to have to deal with Scaramouche and his horrible attitude for the remainder of the day. 

 

“Very well, I’ll see you at the meeting.” And with that she turned on her heels and walked back down the hall, the clicks of her shoes against the marble floor reverberated off the walls and filled the otherwise silent hall with the echo of it.   

 

Once she had fully disappeared from your sight you turned to look at Scaramouche again, he was still looking down the hall as if he expected her to somehow teleport right in front and piss him off again. After another minute or so he snapped out of it, not a peep out of him he began to walk further down the hall with an impossibly long stride of what one could only assume was arrogance. 

 

The meeting was starting nervously soon, you ought to pick up your pace. 

 

Notes:

Guess who didn't press post for this chapter?! This guy. Sorry guys but this one was just rotting because apparently i misclicked the post button.....enjoy?

Ej, come. Water.

Chapter 13: Needle

Here the two of you were, standing outside the room of the meeting.

 

Of course, you were quick to step forward and grab the handle to open the door for your Harbinger, but you couldn’t ignore the tremble in your hand as you secure your hold on the cold metal, the whole situation with La Signora left a bad taste in your mouth. 

 

Silently thanking whatever benevolent god had made the door to the room not insanely heavy like the one back at the entrance, having to awkwardly shuffle as you tried to pry the door open again in front of Scaramouche would be utterly humiliating. 

 

Should you ask to wait outside? Maybe Scaramouche was already expecting you to wait outside, it’d be foolish to prance in after him like you were some show dogs. The embarrassment of being told to wait outside would honestly be too much to handle, the mocking look in The Balladeer’s eye as he scoffed at you. Your imagination was already becoming too much to bear and this large coat on your shoulders was beginning to become too hot– 

 

“Come on.” Thoughts interrupted as a hissed whisper was sent your way, Scaramouche looking behind his shoulder to offer you his signature glare while you still stood holding the door open like a deer lost in headlights. 

 

Scurrying from where you stood to walk behind the young lord once more, refraining from peaking over his shoulder at the already full room. 

 

Were you guys the last people here?!

 

“Nice of you to finally join us.” A voice from farther down the room rang out, the lighthearted comment was thinly coated with a veil of sweetness to hide blatant annoyance, confirming your suspicion. Scaramouche made no noise in retaliation and went to where you assumed was his assigned spot, he continued to stand as the room consisted of a very fancy black wooden table that was considerably long with no seats in sight. Maybe all the funding went to the table that cost more than your life but then again, everything here costs more than your life so it wasn’t exactly a very fair comparison. 

 

“And here I was, thinking I was fashionably late.” Another one called out, only this time you could put a face to the voice which was the famous La Signora.  

 

After an awkward pause another deep voice chimed in and declared the meeting to start, this time he didn’t wait for someone to interject and just kept on talking about things you couldn’t quite understand or even comprehend with his refined use of vocabulary.

 

The urge to look around was very strong but the fear of angering a Harbinger was stronger, would a peek hurt though? Looking up from the floor to the table that was only a few feet ahead of you in hopes to catch a glance of some of the Harbingers, of course this was quite a big deal as they were as popular as the celebrities you’d only hear of from Fontaine. A soldier could go on his whole life without ever seeing a Harbinger save for the one he was assigned under, even then those sights were far and away. 

 

Although you were a special case given how you’ve worked under two different Harbingers and had already seen four, one of them was only a few second interaction if you could call it that and only for it to leave you running with your tail tucked in between your legs. 

 

It was much easier to see without having to peek over Scaramouche’s large hat, the most noticeable thing was the very large mechanical robot holding a lady that was small in comparison to the beast. You hadn’t a clue of who she was or what her name was, she held her eyes closed as if she were deep in thought. This was your first time seeing her as you would’ve recalled seeing her at the last meeting that had been attended with Childe.  

 

Diverting your attention elsewhere in hopes to try and soak in the sheer strength of everyone in that room. Even if the atmosphere was tense and the man kept talking with the occasional input of another Harbinger, you were definitely trying to make the most out of this trip given how it’s the first exciting thing to go down in what feels like years. 

 

Your eyes eventually caught a woman with white hair and black ends that reached to form a streak, she looked strict but faintly familiar. Had she and Childe ever communicated? The memory was slow to come to you, but you did remember seeing him and her talk on the training grounds before she promptly walked away, you were amazed by her heels hence why it took you a second to recognize her face. 

 

By now you probably had been staring for a few uncomfortable minutes, you knew this when her eyes locked with yours. Her eyes were unlike anything you had ever seen, an ebony black iris with Scarlet red pupils that seemed to be crossed out. Immediately your eyes fell back down to the floor, and you felt a thin layer of cold sweat enveloping your body. 

 

“–what of Childe and the Gnosis? He has failed to communicate his arrival properly.” The same voice that had been talked seemed almost annoyed by this point, your imaginary ears perked up at the mention of your original and probably favorite Harbinger. 

 

“Apologies on his behalf, that fool couldn’t hold a pen if his life depended on it.” La signora quipped, “I plan on leaving right after this to wrap the mission up, it should take less than three days for my return with the Gnosis.” For once the lady actually seemed professional, you could only assume that the man speaking was the one sitting at the very top of the Fatui itself. Save for the Tsaritsa of course. 

 

“Very well, that leaves us to only move forward with our plan.” He seemed pleased with this answer before beginning again, “Scaramouche, why haven’t I received anything about your journey to the abyss?” 

 

The more you paid attention to what you could actually understand, the more this guy seemed like a mother scolding her children for not doing their share of chores. You found something amusing in reducing the most dangerous people around the world to just sulking children. A slight part of you was curious as to how Scaramouche would handle the sudden questioning, was he just going to blow up like he typically did? 

 

“A report was not received because there was nothing to report, I wouldn’t want to waste your time writing about such trivial matters.” The level-headed tone from the young man in front of you almost left your jaw hanging open, while he still found himself uttering a snarky comment that was layered as an apology. It was mind blowing to see him not flare up his temperament. 

 

“I understand, have you spoken with the eighth yet? Concerning your upcoming mission to Inazuma? I hope you do come to realize the importance of it.” Scaramouche shifted slightly as he listened, nodding his head slightly. 

 

“We have spoken lightly of it, the two of us rather plan it as we’re there rather than having to communicate nations apart.” Now you were really getting freaked out, not once have you ever heard Scaramouche use a serious tone that wasn’t degrading someone or something. Maybe he’s flipped a new side and has decided to leave his cruel ways behind.  

 

You stopped listening on into the conversation given the fact that it simply didn’t pique your interest anymore, once Childe had return from his mission you were going to quickly jump ships and return to your normal life as his assistant rather than The Balladeer’s mutt as he likes to refer you as. Even though the sound of a mission to Inazuma for a Gnosis seemed pretty important, you still didn’t have a clue on what that exactly was and why everyone was so concerned with it. 

 

They say ignorance is bliss after all. 

 

________________________________________  

 

After the meeting had finally concluded everyone began to file out and didn’t even bother with the pleasantries of small talk, it seemed that even the Harbingers themselves hated small talk but honestly who doesn’t? 

 

You followed close behind Scaramouche with your eyes looking at the floor and watching his feet take steps ahead of you, it was almost soothing had it not been for the rapidly approaching footsteps you’d hear from behind you. 

 

All you could deduct was the fact that it wasn’t anyone you’d seen earlier as the clicking of the shoes were not remotely close to heels strutting across the marble flooring, it was more anxiety inducing due to the fact you couldn’t pinpoint an exact person, and they seemed to be getting closer. 

 

The only people in this building were Harbingers, you knew that much at least. The real question was if you should turn around and look behind you, they were closer. 

 

‘Don’tstabmeintheneckdon’tstabmeintheneck-’ Your fists were clenched tightly at your sides, before you could make any rapid movements the young man in front of you beat you to it. 

 

At the sight of the mysterious person Scaramouche stopped walking altogether and stood firmly, his expression went grim immediately and his eyes narrowed. He fully turned around to face them as you scrambled to the side to not get in the way of the Scaramouche and the other mystery person.  

 

Once you were an appropriate distance away, making sure it was close enough to be as nosey as a rat but without the risk of being called out on it, you finally looked up to see who had put your Harbinger in such a sour mood just at the sight of them. Honestly it could’ve been anyone, hell at this point even an ant could probably anger the shorter male. 

 

The realization hit you harder than any train possibly could’ve, your blood running ice cold and your body tensing up. 

 

The person that had been walking so painfully close behind you was The Doctor, number two of the Fatui Harbingers. He was more of a legend among the soldiers as words of his heinous deeds crept in like a shadow, a modern-day bogeyman if you could put it.

 

Maybe it was over dramatic but the way your body instantly went on alert as soon as you were aware of his presence wasn’t exactly convincing you otherwise. Childe never really mentioned his other colleagues let alone someone as high ranking as the man stood in front of your current boss. 

 

“What do you want now Dottore?” Scaramouche sounded agitated, the man who you now knew as Dottore wasn’t on his good side. What was most chilling was the fact that Dottore didn’t say a word, he held a smirk and the sound of what you could only assume was a scoff made its way out. 

 

“Well, that’s no way to treat someone who has been ever so kind to you now is it?” His voice was arrogant as well as firm. His presence alone made you want to jump out of your skin, you couldn’t tell if it was because you couldn’t see his eyes with his mask or if his eyes were scarier. Either way you wanted to get away as far as possible from him, it was something about him that spooked you down to your core. 

 

Scaramouche looked unimpressed, crossing his arms as he shifted his weight from one foot to the other. His body language suggesting that he was just as uncomfortable as you or if he was just not interested in interacting with other members of his work. 

 

The silence was loud, a ringing in your ears persisted. 

 

“Anyway, I was just checking to see if the ‘upgrades’, if you could call them that, have been holding up nicely.” He moved slightly, putting his arms behind his back as it looked like he was fidgeting with something in his hands. Thankfully the man paid you no mind and kept the conversation between him and the shorter male unlike La Signora. 

 

“I am here, aren’t I?” Sounding like a complete brat as he replied, rolling his eyes at the question itself. Once again you found yourself lost in what appeared to be double meaning words, then again you doubt that it really matters given your position. 

 

The tension in your body was beginning to become painful, you had to at least move to avoid cramping up your cold joints. The best option appeared to be just shifting away from the pair, most away from The Doctor. 

 

Suddenly it went silent, you could probably hear the sound of a single grain of salt hitting the floor. 

 

“It seems that your pet doesn’t exactly like me.” You heard the words before you could even process what was going on. The sound was swift, like a strong gust of wind blowing down the corridor and the smell of sterile cleaning product invaded your nostrils like a poison. You couldn’t help but scrunch your nose at the mere scent of it. 

 

The doctor stood before you, his tall figure bent down slightly as a random dot appeared in the vision of your right eye which was strange given that it was not there in the first place. As you processed what was preceding in front of you it didn’t take long to realize that there wasn’t just a speck of dust in your eye but rather the sharp end of a needle threatening to stab it. 

 

Your feet stumbled as you pressed yourself as far as you could go against the wall, a strange noise of confusion left your throat. The stoic facade that you had been putting up was now shattered, was now a good time to mention that you had a less than savory relationship with needles? 

 

A dark chuckle left the man's lips, a grin slowly spreading onto his hidden features. This is what you’d imagine a wolf's smile to be if they had ever turned human, your body was reacting very negatively to him and the urge to drop everything, and run was sounding as appetizing as roasted lavender melon right now. 

 

With your complete disengagement The Doctor took the chance to step closer, moving or jabbing, to be more accurate, the needle closer to your eye with an eerie precision that made all the hairs on your neck stand up. Now you were cornered, eyes frantically darting all over the room, but he took up most of your sight. 

 

“It shouldn’t hurt too much if you stop moving.” His voice rang out in your ears, your chest heaving up and down at an unnatural pace. So much so that you felt a sudden wave of lightheadedness, watching the needle slowly inching closer to your eye and all you could do was helplessly watch it. 

 

“Stop.” 

 

The needle was no longer waving around in your face, breathing a sigh of relief before you fully assessed the situation. 

 

Scaramouche had apparently grabbed The Doctor’s wrist, holding it in a vice-like grip the two paused and staring at each other like they were having a conversation that you couldn’t hear. The shorter male had an annoyed yet alert gaze and the taller was still smiling but it was much more strained than you remembered. 

 

Your Harbinger was planted in between you and him, clearly acting as a form of wall. Maybe he didn’t like the doctor as much as you did? It wasn’t too far-fetched because who liked this psycho, realistically.  

 

Before a word could be uttered in response you were met with the feeling of something cold wrapping along the bicep of your arm and pulling you away. Your feet stumbling as you tried to remind yourself how to walk after almost going blind in one eye, the familiar form of Scaramouche in front of you as he practically dragged you along behind him without doing so much as glancing behind himself. Even then, you still understood the urgency with the way his grip seemed to tighten ever so slightly then the typical ‘You are an idiot so I must show you how to do something a grandmother can do.’ hold and more of a ‘Leave.’ 

 

Left, right, left, right, breathe in, breathe out.   

 

As you followed after Scaramouche he had eventually let go of your arm, the two of you walking down one of the many narrow halls in the palace. It left you uneasy to essentially have your back exposed to where The Doctor had last been seen but the further you got and the more focused you became on the clicking of the young man’s shoes before you, the easier it was to breathe without having to remind yourself.  

 

It wasn’t long before the two of you were outside once more, the harsh blowing winds of Snezhnaya did a very good job at freezing one's heart but with the large coat wrapped upon your shoulders you felt as if you could conquer a whole army with just a flick of your wrist in this weather. Safe to say you wouldn’t need any numbing ointment for frostbite upon your return to base. 

 

It was still tense between the two of you, or that's what you thought at least since no one was speaking but since you were no longer cold you didn’t mind the silence. The crunching snow was a great ambient noise to listen to and zone off. 

 

“If you ever find yourself in a position concerning The Doctor, you need to get away immediately.” 

 

Scaramouche’s words cut through the silence, similar to a blade but with the grace of a feather fallen from a bird. It was unprecedented with how soft his tone was, like he’d been thinking of his word choice for quite some time. Not to say he wasn’t a thoughtful person but more in the sense that he’d never think to sweeten his words for anyone. 

 

“What?” Doing nothing to hide the confusion in your voice, his remark had come out of the blue and left you puzzled. 

 

“I cannot guarantee your safety if I am not around, even if I am near.” He added without another beat, not bothering to acknowledge the confused noise that had left your throat. Continuing on walking without a misstep or a sway but that’s the kind of person he was, saying odd things one minute and refusing to elaborate the next. 

 

There wasn’t much to add onto his statement, so you didn’t, instead letting his words become food for thought. It wasn’t everyday when Scaramouche decided to act civil with you so on the rare occasion that he did, you’d listen intently even if his words confused you to no end.

 

The two of you walked without another word for the rest of the way.  

 

___________________________

 

After returning back to base Scaramouche dismissed you with just the wave of his hand, you had watched him enter his office and hear it close with a small click after. He had locked himself in for whatever reason unbeknownst to you, maybe it was for the best–lest he be disturbed and tear someone's head right off. It was a funny thought until it wasn’t as you considered the chances of him actually tearing a person's head off, the percentages were much too high for you to dwell on the thought any longer.  

 

You still had the coat on your shoulders and doubted that you could just knock and give it back to him, settling for just taking it off and folding it neatly before dropping it off in front of his door. No one in their right mind would take something left right in front of a Harbingers office so the worry was quickly dissipated. 

 

You weren’t in the mood for training so for now you had found yourself in the canteen.

 

There was only one dining area located on base, so the large room was a big melting pot of all kinds of recruits. Of course, they had to form cliques in response to the lack of special treatment because wouldn’t it be strange to see a lieutenant eating with a sergeant? 

 

Obviously, everyone chose to ignore the fact that there wasn’t special seating for higher ranking soldiers, once again going back to the fact that none of you were special and titles were a hell of a good way to distract everyone from the fact.  

 

The grouping was simple, you stayed with your kind. Cincin mages with each other, normal soldiers huddled together and doing something dumb like cockroach death matches, and captains or high-ranking officials in the army sat much too professional for the filth that was the canteen itself. You didn’t come and sit down to eat much as you never really belonged in any groups. 

 

The soldiers were much too tense around you given how close you were with a Harbinger, the Cincin mages along with other soldiers specializing in one field would just scoff and make remarks until you left, and the higher ups refused to recognize your position as something noteworthy and force you to sit elsewhere even if you had the ability to kick their asses into tomorrow. 

 

So, you did what any soldier like yourself did. 

 

Sit in the corner and pick at the slop that was an insult to mother nature if it were to ever be referred to as food. It was not exactly routine given how you’d rather take your food to your room and eat in the comforts of there but today was full of twists and turns so what was the harm in making it more interesting? 

 

“You gonna eat that or just keep picking at it?” An unfamiliar voice spoke up in the midst of the loudness in the room, you couldn’t help the way your eyes flickered up in curiosity as to who was bothering you at this moment. 

 

It was a young man, no older than twenty-five and with eyes greener than a dark pine forest just like the one right outside camp, they seemed like they were made to be stared at. His hair was a curly jet-black mess and resembled the night sky’s vastness had you looked too long, he offered a smile with teeth so perfect that they seemed almost fake but given how he was here you doubted that. His skin was a pale brown, you’d assume that it was so light due to there never being sunlight in Snezhnaya but he seemed like he was a child of the sun. 

 

He was hot.  

 

Even if he was physically attractive you knew better than to let your guard down for even a moment, people who sat in this area were the people you left alone. It was another unsaid rule of the canteen. 

 

His eyes flicked down to your uneaten meal, you just sighed and pushed the platter towards him. After everything today, you didn’t exactly have an appetite and it’d be a waste to just leave the food uneaten. 

 

“Thank you very much! I’m Izek, you are?” He seemed bouncy, like a dog who never got tired. 

 

Your eyes narrowed only slightly; he was being much too friendly for someone you’ve just met. Especially if all you’d done was just give him your lunch, not save his life by giving him your kidney, if this is how he’d react for something as simple as free food you really didn’t want to imagine the latter.  

 

The man, now known as Izek only smiled brighter at your response, or the lack thereof. He didn’t seem deterred in the slightest, if anything he seemed almost determined. 

 

“Not the chatty type? That’s fine, no one here really likes to talk which is so fascinating to me given how we’re from all walks of the world. Like me for example I’m from Sumeru–” You had successfully toned him out, he must be a new recruit because no one in their right mind would just start spilling their life story to someone just because they gave them their lunch. 

 

“What about you where’re you from?” His voice bugged, you only looked at him with mild disinterest. He had a look to his eye that was unreadable, but he seemed almost hopeful that you pitied the guy. What would be the harm in sharing just a tiny bit of your life? A lot, but that didn’t matter right now. 

“Inazuma.” Your voice was quiet, but it wasn’t meek, more of a nonchalant hum. 

 

With the single word Izek looked so happy that it felt like he was about to just combust right then and there. It was starting to freak you out at how happy this guy was to be talking with another person, which was odd–it wasn’t hard to make friends here, so why was he so happy to be talking with you? 

 

“I’ve always wanted to visit Inazuma! When I had enlisted, they told me that sometimes soldiers would be deployed to different parts of Teyvat, as much as I loved Sumeru it got kind of boring, I can’t even imagine how beautiful Inazuma City is like! Did you enjoy it?” He seemed nice enough, so you found no harm in playing into his little fantasy of what he thought what was going to happen when he had joined the Fatui.  

 

“I’ve never been myself; I grew up in a village.” You added, careful not to add too much but to keep it friendly. 

 

“So, we’re the same! I grew up in a village also, near Port Ormos. It was just me and my father.” Izek seemed to be happy that the two of you had such a simple thing in common you couldn't help but to actually laugh at it. 

 

“I didn’t have much of a family, more so an old hag who’d occasionally throw me a bone if I did her chores.” It was out before you could stop it, why were you sharing your life with a stranger? He made it so easy to talk without thinking, with how welcoming and friendly he was. 

 

“Really? I also left because my father didn’t want to support me after I reached adulthood. I was growing out of that village, and I wanted to see the world.” He hummed in thought, looking back at you with a grin on his face. “I’m guessing you agree?”  

 

“Yea, being the only kid without a family got pretty rough. I wanted to leave as soon as I got the chance.” You knew you shouldn’t, you knew it was bad but how long had it been since you’ve actually shared anything with a person who wasn’t your boss or just trying to get something from you? 

 

“I just wish my only escape plan wasn’t in the Fatui.” You added the last part absentmindedly; Izek tilted his head like a dog.  

 

After that Izek had just moved onto another topic, you’d respond when needed and were slowly adjusting to talking and not being so antisocial. It was a miracle that was working at this point, he knew almost everything about anything but given how he was raised by a merchant father it wasn’t much of a surprise that getting people to talk was like second nature to him.  

 

The topics varied from something as mundane as the weather in your motherland to as high risk as the hardest mission you had ever been on. A few other random things thrown in like how you enjoyed the smells of incense specifically produced in Sumeru or to your vision, learning along the way that Izek was a Dendro user. Practically shoving the viridescent orb in your face and begging you to show yours. 

 

“Come to think of it, I haven’t seen you around. What division are you in? I’m in the eleventh harbingers base; it’s kind of a mess over there.” He slightly cringed at the mention of it, now that you think of it this was probably the first time that Childe had left and you weren’t in charge of making sure things were in order. 

 

“I’m working under The Balladeer. Temporarily but I'm usually stationed at the elevenths as well.” You watched as Izek began to shovel the food you had given him right into his mouth. The sight was disgusting but you’ve honestly seen worse.  

 

“The Balladeer?! How’s that? I’ve talked with other soldiers about the Harbingers, and he’s got quite the reputation for his nasty attitude.” You couldn’t help but nod immediately to his words, was gossiping about your boss a violation of some code? You didn’t know and honestly didn’t care, this was your only chance to finally complain.

 

It was as if you were a whole new person, more animated and bouncier as all you had been doing was just complaining about one thing right after the other. Izek’s already big grin seemed to have somehow gotten bigger at the sight of you finally coming out of your shell. 

 

He was eating more thoughtfully now that he didn’t have any more pressure to keep your attention, you were just rambling one thing after the other. A simple nod occasionally was your only signal to keep going, so you did. 

 

“–It’s honestly atrocious, I don’t think I’ve ever been more miserable in my life–and trust me I’ve seen some things, the worst part is he never even bothers to acknowledge stuff I do! I mean I’m not expecting him to get down on his hands and knees to kiss my feet, but the occasional ‘Good job’ would be nice y’know?” You pointed a sharp look to the man before you, he nodded hesitantly. 

 

“Not to mention he took my vision at some point! Even after we’d arranged a deal to let me have it back, I won for Celestia’s sake!” Slamming your fist onto the table in front of you, earning you a few glares from people who were just trying to eat without being disturbed. Izek jumped slightly at the action, dropping some food onto his pants and cursing slightly.

 

“He sounds like an interesting character. Like the kind to haunt my dreams–dreams! Say friend, what do you dream about?” Izek seemed genuinely interested at your answer after blurting it out, which was confusing seeing as he was a grown man and not a child, but he had been a good sport in listening to your trauma dumping so it was the least you could do.   

 

“Oh, nothing much…now that I think about it, it’s usually in the same setting and with the same person I think.” Recalling your fuzzy memories of waking up and only grasping at the idea of what you could’ve possibly been dreaming of. Oddly enough you had actually found yourself enjoying the conversation even as childish as it was. 

 

Izek's eyes widened slightly, nudging you to continue.  

 

“It’s hard to remember but it feels like I’ve been in my dreams before, like I can feel it’s me but at the same time not really. I sound like a crazy person…” Shaking your head and chuckling slightly, when was the last time you had actually laughed like this? Too long. 

 

“Between you and I, my friend, I’ve only started dreaming after I left Sumeru. It might sound strange but after we grow up, we lose the capability to dream.” Izek looked off to the side, almost nostalgic, “It’s a sign of truly growing up, by leaving behind the childish habit. It’s a bit humiliating to be dreaming again but I’ve forgotten how fun it could actually be.” 

 

Now he had your attention, the topic was so simple but for him it was as foreign as a fish climbing a tree and this was the first time you had ever heard of such a thing. Suddenly he checked his watch and jumped. 

 

“Ah, I must be off! It was nice meeting you–” He leaped out of his seat and outstretched a hand for you to take. 

 

“(Y/N), it was nice meeting you Izek.” Taking the man’s hand into yours and shaking it with a firm grasp, he smiled before putting on his Fatui mask and walking off. 

 

Left alone again in your solitary silence, this time it wasn’t so numbing. Feeling refreshed for the first time in forever, who knew such a simple interaction could actually leave a person feeling so happy. 

 

You had spent far too much time here; it was time to retire for the night. Talking with Izek had surprisingly gone on for hours, recounting the way the two of you had flitted from conversation to conversation like it was nothing and the sun had seemed to already go down as the canteen’s lighting had been turned on. 

 

Standing up and making your way outside, leaving the empty tray on the table to become someone else’s problem. The air was cold as you stepped out, a puff of smoke leaving your mouth from the frigid temperature. 

 

Today was definitely full of surprises.   

 

Notes:

life is slowing down for me so more time to write heheh, this chapter feels like it was all over the place but who cares
love you guys, also your comments are so silly and do keep me motivated to keep writing so plsplspls write some more, even constructive criticism is appreciated muahmuah

Chapter 14: Mr. Worldwide

“That’s it?”

 

The sound of two hands slamming down onto the desk permeated the air. 

 

“Wel-well my lord, she wasn’t too keen on revealing anything! I tried to get her to talk but that was the best I could do with what I was given–” The man spoke with a rushed urgency, practically quivering in fear before the shorter man before him. 

 

“With what you were given?” He scoffed, the sound mixing between a laugh and a sneer. 

 

“What exactly did I give you Izek? What could I have possibly done to have make this mission so fucking difficult?” A few steps were taken, slow and deliberate standing before the shaking Izek who only tried to make himself seem smaller.   

 

“My lo-lord, give me another chance! I can make her talk, I promise! I would’ve done better but it was like I was talking to a brick wall–agh!” Cold dainty hands had wrapped around Izek’s throat, the grip constricting the air flow in only a matter of seconds.  

 

Scaramouche had only grinned at the pathetic sight before him, his grip unrelenting. He’d slowly raise his arm and easily lifted the soldier into the air, had it not been for his short height Izek wouldn’t be only on his tippy toes and instead dangling in the air. Nonetheless the man was turning blue, and tears were falling from his eyes which was all that mattered. 

 

“First, you fail such a simple task. Then, you talk down on my personal project. Honestly Izek, it’s like you’re begging me to kill you.” The sound of Izek’s body colliding into the lounge chairs in Scaramouche’s office filled the otherwise silent room, a low groaning filled his ears as he watched the man lie motionless on the ground. 

 

“Get out of my sight immediately, filthy roach.” Without another word the soldier got up and practically flew out of the office, the doors seemingly didn’t close and were stuck adjacent which would allow anyone to enter his office that he had kept locked in the time being. Only then when Scaramouche looked down had he realized what prevented the doors from fully closing, it was his coat he had lent the girl. 

 

He’d half expected her to just take it, having forgotten that he’d even left it with her in the first place. Walking over as he snatched it from the ground and dusted it off before going over to put it back onto its designated coat rack. Only after he had made sure to lock his doors again.

 

Leaving Scaramouche alone again with his mind a raging mess, more so with the lack of any useful information that his idiotic subordinate had managed to grab. It was shameful honestly, having someone else do something as simple as asking a few questions about a person but he’d doubt that (Y/N) would give him a tidbit of information even if he was doing a song and dance just to ask them what their favorite color was.  

 

He’d saunter over to chairs that he had slammed Izek into, slumping into one of them that had been positioned right in front of the fire. Leaning back as he rested a hand above his eyes as a seemingly poor way of blocking out the world before him. 

 

‘She likes the incense from Sumeru, seemingly rough life pre-fatui, the only thing that stood out was her mention of dreams.’ Even though Izek had asked the question on a whim and wasn’t instructed by the Harbinger himself to gather that key detail; it was detrimental in seeing what was locked up in that pretty little mind of hers. 

 

‘Is it possible that she was dreaming of our life back then? She did mention it was the same setting, but it could also be somewhere else…’ His thoughts trailed off at the prospect that this is probably not the only life you’ve lived between now and then. Typically, he was well versed in almost everything given how long he’s been here but reincarnation? That was a completely different thing, he hadn’t even believed in it until he’d seen her with his own two eyes. 

 

Admittedly you were very different. Not exactly the same as he remembers but not too different for him to just push it off as you coincidently looking like the person, he’d met a hundred years ago or so. 

 

You were a complete brat now.  

 

He knew he was to blame for some of it, especially after hearing the way you spoke so fondly about him behind his back. How was he supposed to know you were going to be so butthurt about losing your vision? If anything, he had believed he was doing you a favor by making you not so reliant on the cursed thing; you were very much capable without the help from gods. 

 

He knew he had gone over the top after the fight; you won. He just didn’t want to come to terms with the fact that you, who he viewed as much less smart than him given your background, had outsmarted him–with something as idiotic that even a child could’ve seen through. 

 

He wasn’t exactly proud of what happened after either, pouncing on you like a cat and throwing a fit in your face. It wasn’t your fault that you don’t remember the things the two of you have been through, still, you could at least try to be more cooperative with him instead of trying to saddle up with that annoying ginger. What could he have done to make you so–enticed? 

 

He didn’t know the word in which he was looking for you and his annoying coworker, it wasn’t too far from hate but also closer to love than he’d prefer but nothing he couldn’t fix. If you wanted to act like some loyal dog that came at the sound of a bell, he could cater to your idiotic needs as much as possible. 

 

Obviously, he’d still want to at least try and get you to remember, telling you would be as pointless as trying to tame a mitachurl. It might’ve been more possible if you hadn’t detested him so much, going back to the topic of you being so bratty. 

 

His treatment of you wasn’t even that bad, imagine if Childe had pawned you off to Dottore . 

 

Of course, he understood that you’d never truly understand unless you were actually in service to that sick bastard. Moreso with the way today had gone, he’d doubt that you’d survive three days with the Harbinger. He knew how much Dottore savored the reactions of those in pain and fear, he believed that you most likely would’ve lost an eye had he not intervened. 

 

Scaramouche just wished that everything he’d done wasn’t seen in such a negative light–only for you, he could care less if any of these rats were upset by his actions. 

 

‘Do I at least try to be more pleasant? It’d be more humiliating to bend over backwards just for her to leave at her first chance.’ Thinking to himself, finally moving from his position on the chair and removing his hand from his eyes; looking off into the fire before him.  

 

He’d remember his actions from earlier; the words he had spoken to you that seemingly came from nowhere. That’s what he’d assume that you’d think at least; the idea of Dottore getting his hands on you left him feeling much more vulnerable than he’d like to admit. 

 

It’d be like throwing a lamb out to the wolves, who knows what would happen to you if that situation were to arise. Hence why he just had to say something to you despite the animosity that you shared towards him.

 

He wasn’t the type to be overly protective, and it was obvious but after going through and seeing the things he’d seen, he’d be an idiot to at least not try. 

 

Today had only proved that he was running out of time with you, his plans in Inazuma had not been made with you in mind and he’d doubt that he could even change them to include you. It was like everything was just working against him, trying to prevent him from grasping the one thing that had been so attainable in his long-forgotten past. 

 

Yearning was a painful feeling he had learned early on, before he’d joined the Fatui and was left alone. He’d much rather not remember the reasoning as to why he was left to trip over the dirt and green in Inazuma, wandering alone with little clue as to what to do then. 

 

It was you; it was always you. 

 

You were the reason why he is who he is now, but even right at this moment he can see how selfish he has been all these hundreds of years he had spent in anguish and spreading that poison all in your name. Blaming you for everything even if you had gone down for only him, he finally sees as clear as the river that flowed near the home the two of you had shared.

 

This is either two things, he was finally blessed by Celestia who has given him another chance at living a life with you or this is just the cruelest of jokes, meant to torment him just as he has tormented so many in his life. It’s fine, he was never impartial at having to get his hands dirty to keep something not meant for him.   

 

Suddenly he was brought out from his version of self-reflection by a knock at the door, looking over curiously before his mood soured as he knew he had to get up to unlock the door. 

 

As he stood, he could tell that he had been in that position for much too long and his joints, if you could call them that, had felt much too stiff. Sometimes he wished he had Anemo related powers, it’d be much easier to carry out simpler tasks without the chance of it spiraling out of control and potentially catching something on fire.  

 

_____________________________________ 

 

Usually, you always knock on Scaramouche’s office door before entering but today was slightly different. It was still locked from the day before, but it was opened as his coat was no longer there. At least you hoped it was, he’d probably skin you if someone else had stolen it but the chances were low.  

 

The soft click of the door being unlocked reached your ears, waiting a second more before opening the door and stepping inside. The office seemed to be left the way you remembered but quickly taking notice of the tense atmosphere, like something had happened before you arrived. 

 

Sure, you could just be more paranoid than usual with the events that had happened yesterday, and Scaramouche’s words that never left your mind but if you hadn’t been able to pick up on the slightest shift in the air, could you really consider yourself a formidable fighter? 

 

Scaramouche didn’t look too different; he had sat down at his desk and picked up a pen before going to write something you weren’t concerned with. Eyes flickering around the office before landing on the hung coat, a silent prayer of thanks that he’d actually taken it inside and nothing happening to the expensive cloth.  

 

“You look like a cat who was caught stealing a fish.” Scaramouche’s words rang out and caused you to jump slightly, eyes darting to meet his furrowed ones. 

 

Instead of being engrossed in his work like you had originally assumed he was, he was instead studying you. A slight quirk of his brow only further worked to show you his distrust in your current state, honestly you didn’t have a clue why you were acting like this other than the fact that something just felt– off .  

 

“I didn’t rest properly.” The lie slipped from your tongue with ease, Scaramouche only studied you for a second more before letting out a soft sigh and going back to whatever it is that Harbingers have to do, it was clear that he didn’t buy it but also didn’t care enough to press further.  

 

Waiting a moment more in anticipation, nothing came. Allowing yourself the grace to ease up and try to pretend that it didn't feel like you had bugs skittering around on your skin, you had the urge to just move. 

 

Maybe this is what anxiety felt like, countless days just standing here with little to no entertainment but the slight flickering of the fire on the days it had been on. Today wasn’t one of those days so you had nothing to keep your mind from derailing, you really just wanted to drop everything and go run outside–maybe even fight someone on the training grounds. 

 

It had been so boring as of late and perhaps that small conversation with another soldier really did prove how much you had been missing out on these past few years of working tirelessly at base. Maybe the idiots who’d let cockroaches fight to the death had it all figured out; you doubted the implications but then again, they weren’t the ones who felt like stabbing themselves in the leg just to prove that they could bleed too. 

 

Time torture inside of Scaramouche’s office was so painfully real, there was no clocks or any forms of telling the time and even though it was designed with windows Scaramouche almost always had the blackout curtains covering the outside world. Had it possibly not been the intention of slowly driving one mad, it sure as hell was working.

 

‘One, two, inhale, exhale– am I breathing too loud?’ Silently your thoughts were marinating and twisting and turning into a prison but also a great source of entertainment, is this what people refer to as dying of boredom? 

 

A few more minutes pass of the same thought process and maybe manually controlling the way you breathe is actually a lot more interesting than you had originally anticipated. The grating sound of chair legs no doubt scuffing the expensive wooden floor erupted beside you and followed the familiar stomps of the grumpy young man, you could already imagine his angry face which the more you thought about it, it was more of a pout than anything. 

 

The feeling of something cold against your chin was fleeting as your face was yanked so that you could face Scaramouche fully, his face was angry but not as much as you’d originally expected. If you didn’t know any better, you’d think that he was maybe concerned about you. 

 

“Are you high?” It took you a second to process the question, the absurdity of it almost made you laugh right in his face. Almost . 

 

His eyes were slightly widened as took in your appearance, practically drinking it in. The sudden and intense attention on you made you wish that you were under the influence of anything. All you could do was hope that the burning you felt on your face wasn’t noticeable in the slightest. 

 

“No sir, I am not high.” Now hyper aware of the fact that he was still holding your chin with his hand, jerking your head to the side as if your cheek would hold the key to all his answers. The feeling was strange, having something holding your face with an almost gentle ease but with the knowledge of what this hand has done, the amount of blood that had left it tainted. 

 

“You look pale, go sit down. It’ll be a pain if you fall ill and render yourself useless.” His words were sharp but wasn’t this the oddest thing to have happened? It seemed that Scaramouche was actually worried about little ol’ you! 

 

Scaramouche let go of your face, his fingers lingering for a second more, but you weren’t paying attention to that and more to the chairs stashed away in the corner. You never really took notice of them due to the fact that they were never in use during your time spent in his office, to you they were just decoration like the shelves full of books along the walls of his office. 

 

Taking a tentative step forward accompanied by another, you found yourself sinking into the comfortable feeling of the cushioning. It felt like a sin for someone such as yourself to be enjoying something that was clearly way out of your league but then again these were orders from your Harbinger, who were you to even think about refusing? 

 

At first you were tense in the seat, ready to jump off and away at any given moment. The next few were spent with you slowly getting accompanied to the soft velvet armrests. By the tenth minute your head was already lolled to the side as you had embarrassingly fallen asleep with great ease. 

 

___________________________________ 

 

Knock! Knock! 

 

Your body jerked up, fear coursing through your veins at the immediate realization that you had fallen asleep in Scaramouche’s office. Your head jerking to the door that had yet to be opened, perhaps you’d imagine it altogether-

 

“What is it?” The lazy drawl came from Scaramouche, your eyes flickering to his form which had still been seated at his desk. A pen much too fancy for you was held with a refined elegance that was none other than his hand, he didn’t seem disturbed at the fact that you had fallen asleep before him.  

 

The doors began to open slowly, giving you enough time to pull yourself together and stand up straight in case that it was someone of great importance just barging in on the room. Your stresses were quickly forgotten as the sight of just a normal Fatui soldier walked in, they seemed to have belonged in Childe’s division. 

 

They offered a quick bow to Scaramouche; he’d just nod in recognition for them to begin speaking. His brow only furrowing the slightest which showed you the man was quickly losing his patience. 

 

“Master Childe has returned, sir.” Standing up straight, no expression could be dissected from their expression. 

 

“What does that have to do with me?” Scaramouche bit, setting down his pen as he glared at the soldier like they were nothing more than a bug crawling on the floor. Your eyes only widened slightly at the news. 

 

“Nothing, Sir. He has requested for (Y/N)’s presence immediately.” They paused, seemingly unsure themselves of what to do next. Your hands clenched into fists at your sides, trying to ignore the bubbling excitement building in your chest as if you were some kid getting their favorite toy. 

 

“Where is he located?” You spoke up, ignoring the glare sent your way from the Harbinger. You couldn’t help the way your voice was raised by an octave higher. Things had seemingly calmed down while working under Scaramouche, but you were much too loyal to Childe to even consider staying here permanently. 

 

“He is in the infirmary, he has received his own room, so you won’t have much trouble finding him. Good day, my lord.” Without another word they turned on their heel and left the room, leaving the two of you in an awkward and tense silence. 

 

You still had been staring at the spot the soldier was just standing in, as if you couldn’t believe what your own ears had just heard. Although the news of Childe being in the infirmary was slightly concerning, that man would rather die than to take a day off and heal. Just what had happened in Liyue? 

 

Looking over to Scaramouche, you found out quickly that he had already been staring at you with one of the nastier looks he could muster. The fact that he had been staring at you for who knows how long sent a spike of fear through your chest, the kind of fear that one would get upon discovering that a cockroach could fly only by the sight itself. 

 

“Who gave you the right to speak when not addressed?” Ignoring the slight peak of annoyance at the way he had seemingly begun to yell at you for no good reason at all, sure maybe you did step out of line but why was he choosing to yell at you right when you’re about to leave? Shouldn’t he at least be happy now that he doesn’t need you around to bug him anymore? 

 

“It will not happen again, Scaramouche.” You nodded slightly in his direction, looking towards the floor to avoid any other disruptions.  

 

“May I be dismissed?” Questioning him right now didn’t seem too good of an idea but then again what time would really be a good time? You kept your gaze to the floor but you could almost feel his angered gaze fixed solely on your figure, maybe you were just imagining things. 

 

“I’m coming with you.” He stated, not as a question but as an answer. It felt like he was just trying to make things more difficult, but he was a Harbinger, it’d be silly to imagine that he was just being petty towards you and considering that this was one of the more important missions Childe had just returned from it’d be almost naive. 

 

Definitely not about you, definitely . 

 

Watching as the shorter male stood up from where he sat, stalking over as he placed his hat atop his head and adjusting it a few times before walking to the door. You’d open it like you were nothing more than a mindless puppet, watching as he walked out before turning to follow. 

 

The dings and rings coming from the bells that hung from his hat helped to subconsciously soothe your nerves. Perhaps you were more worried about Childe then you’d let yourself believe, even in some cases you’d actually look up to him. So, for the fact that he had even sustained an injury so severe for him to need hospice made you want to bite your nails and tap your foot against the floor in anxious waiting. 

 

The walk was silent, your knees felt awfully weak, but you’d just convince yourself it was the cold getting to you again. You were used to the sunny and thundering lands of Inzuma, ignoring the fact that it’d been years since your return. Most soldiers threw themselves out the way as Scaramouche walked the halls of the base, others sending envious glares to you within their hidden masks. Not that it’d matter either way, negative energies pooling into the entirety of the camp was as natural as a caterpillar cocooning.  

 

A part of you was excited to hear that Childe had returned, of course you squashed that feeling as quick as it came, the memory of Scaramouche calling you a loyal lapdog was enough to make your chest bloom with shame and embarrassment. 

 

After another few minutes of walking and hearing the jingles of his bells, you’d finally arrived at the infirmary. At the sight of the Harbinger the nurses and medics immediately rushed up to him in faux concern, easily dispelled as he’d send a nasty glare and ask for the whereabouts of the eleventh. 

 

Soon being led to a part of the infirmary you were never privy to seeing, it was much more advanced and, for a lack of better words, filthy rich. Practically being shoved down a hall by one of the nurses, it wasn’t cold in the area, and you could feel the warm gust of heaters being blown from a vent in the ceiling. 

 

“First door at the end of the hallway.” From the sound of her voice you could tell she was much older than you. She had the kind of tone that’d make you feel warm and comfortable as she’d offer you cookies, or that’s what you’d assume anyways. 

 

As you approached the door, getting ready to stand besides the door until Scaramouche was done conversing with Childe. That was your plan originally until he’d stepped to the side and pulled your wrist, leading you towards the door. 

 

“I’ll go after.” He’d open the door and practically threw you inside, leaving you confused as you stumbled into the sterile hospital room. 

 

Quickly analyzing your surroundings, your eyes widened at the sight before you. 

 

Childe lay in a hospital bed, still as stone and wrapped in bandages soaked in blood with needles poking the skin that hadn’t been covered. The sight was uncanny, like you were placed in an alternate reality with you having half a mind to try and leave the room only to enter as if that placed you somewhere where Childe was staring at you with that annoying grin of his. 

 

Cautiously taking a step forward as you peered at the ginger, his face was unscathed for the most part. Taking in the familiar scars that littered his body and the faint but visible freckles on his cheeks, his eyes were closed with such a peaceful and serene look on his face as if he were here lying dead. 

 

“Childe…?” A hesitant sound to your voice as you stepped closer, looking at him like he’d jump up and eat you at any second. A part of you hoped that was the case because then it’d mean he wasn’t in such a critical condition, you looked around the room and saw a vase of flowers near his bedside with a small card attached. 

 

The flowers caught your attention almost immediately, it was rare to see one, let alone a whole bouquet in such pristine condition. They were as colorful as you’d remember back in your early village days as a child where wildflowers would swarm the land given the season. A part of you was slightly regretful for taking such a miniscule thing for granted, everything in Snezhnaya felt like it was made with only a palette consisting of black, whites, and maybe greys if one wanted to spice things up.  

 

Upon further inspection of the room, you found that it had one small window that allowed for what little sunlight Snezhnaya had to pour into the room, there was nothing special to the room save for the desk that was right next to the hospital bed where personal belongings were most likely stored. Even then with its plainness you were still able to tell a vast difference between the Harbingers area and your typical soldier, including yourself–hell, you didn’t even know this whole section existed until right now. 

 

Taking a small step towards the undisturbed vase of flowers to at least distract yourself from the grim reality that Childe was in no condition to move–let alone lead a whole division of soldiers, right as your hand reached out to read the note a hoarse raspy sound caught your attention.

 

“Come here…” 

 

Feeling your skin crawl as you snapped your head towards the only reasonable source of the sound, the sight of Childe was still the same. Maybe you were just hearing things, is what you would’ve thought until it came again. 

 

“Come closer…” 

 

It was definitely Childe speaking, you had seen his lips move but his eyes remained closed. Something in you wanted to jump up and down in joy at the conclusion that he wasn’t comatose, but you opted for a relieved sigh and stepped closer to his fragile body instead. 

 

“Sir, are you well? Would you like for me to retrieve you anyth-” You started, interrupted by a faint, “Closer…”. 

 

Silence pierced the air, you felt suddenly nervous as you stepped closer to the man laying before you. 

 

His lips had begun to move but the sound was so quiet that you’d think even a mouse were louder, your only option was to bend down slightly and move your head closer to his in hopes to catch drift of what he’d started to mumble. Praying to the gods that no one would come into the room and see a clear invasion of his personal space. 

 

“I told you…” You stopped your breathing in order to hear him more clearly. 

 

“To stop calling me Sir!” The feeling of an arm wrapping around your neck was sudden, a surprised and embarrassing yelp leaving your throat as you tried to pull away only to truly understand that you were now trapped in an odd demise. The feeling of a knuckle rubbing against your head caused you some mild discomfort, but it was quickly forgotten at the sound of the ginger's laughter.  

 

Finally, being released from your temporary prison, pulling away quickly to assess the situation that you’d been placed in. Ignoring the burn on your cheeks that was no doubt from the embarrassment of it all.

 

“Oh my- Celestial! Your face!” Childe who now suddenly not literally on his deathbed was laughing at none other than you, wiping a tear from his eye as he cackled like a hyena at your still bewildered expression.  

 

“You’re not…dying.” You stated, looking at the man before you as if he’d just risen from a grave. 

 

“And you’re not wearing your mask; did you lose it?” Childe stood up from his seated position, sauntering over to you as he grabbed your face in his hand and turning your face around as he inspected you. 

 

“I don’t need my soldiers getting distracted by your face y’know? Have you been eating? You look a little…shitty.” Childe cracked a grin as you moved away from him, you really didn’t miss the way he seemed to never respect your personal space with the way he was always poking and prodding at you as if you were just the most fascinating creature on earth. 

 

“How are you even standing?” Grumbling as you looked away and back to the bed from where he was laying not even a moment ago, the needles that had been hooked up to his body had laid on the floor in abandon. Looking at his arm you could see the small beads of blood cascading down his arm as a consequence. 

 

Chlide frowned at your words, feigning hurt as he followed your gaze and looked down at his arms and spotted the blood. “You’re right- I don’t think I have much longer…” 

 

With his words he practically threw himself on top of you, your knees would have buckled under his weight had you not seen it coming beforehand. You let out a small groan as you tried to escape from the embarrassingly childish predicament. 

 

“Childe!” Unable to conceal your frustrations, feeling him retract as you scurried as far away from him as possible to avoid any other situations, he might find funny to terrorize you with. 

 

“Comrade, do you really think of me so weak to just lay there on a hospital bed? How troubling…” Watching him as he placed his hand against his chin in mock thought, glancing over to you who looked as pissed as a cat stuck in the rain and unable to fight the grin that rested on his boyish features.  

 

“But–” You stammered, looking down as you just shook your head in resignation. 

 

“It was a mandatory checkup if that’s what you’re asking, though the nurses will definitely give me hell for ripping out the needles.” Childe trailed off as he looked at his bleeding forearms, swiping away the blood without a care in the world.

 

“Let’s go, I’m sure they'll have plenty for us to do upon our return. Soldiers are sort of starting to become a bit unreliable when it comes to a Harbinger being away.” Childe grinned, only because you knew he was talking about fighting the treasure hoarders of whatever monster had lay hidden in the forest. The feeling of his arm wrapping around your shoulder as he started to drag you towards the door, temporarily making you forget the entity that laid just on the other side. 

 

As soon as Childe opened the door is when the realization hit, only because Scaramouche was standing right in front of it with a more then pissed look on his face. His arms were crossed as he quickly took in the sight of the two of you, he looked like he was probably about to reach out and begin strangling you just for the hell of it. 

 

“Scaramouche–”, the words left your mouth before he’d cut you off. 

 

Suddenly it felt like you were taking being able to speak without being interrupted for granted.

 

“ Out .”  

 

Notes:

so guys i am not dead but enjoy the food that mother had provided

Chapter 15: Little Quarrels

The two men sat in a tense silence, seemingly communicating with just glances and glares. 

 

“To what do I owe the pleasure, comrade?” Childe spoke up first, breaking the silence that was becoming a bit too awkward even by his standards. 

 

Childe had retreated back to his hospital bed, sitting on the edge of its side as if he and Scaramouche were physically being repulsed by each other like magnets. He could tell the shorter male wanted something, what that something was, was also unclear. 

 

“Assuming the mission in Liyue went without fail, you collected the Geo Archon’s gnosis?” Scaramouche looked at the ginger like he was just a mere fly on the wall, Childe’s grin turned sharper as he nodded. 

 

“Surprising considering you’re you.” The shorter male rolled his eyes, with an immediate interjection Childe spoke with a more tense edge to his voice, “What are you really here for Scaramouche? I know you didn’t come to make idle small talk with me.”  

 

“So I’m no longer your comrade? What a pity .” Scaramouche spat back, unable to fight the malicious smirk on his face at the sight of Childe beginning to lose his cool. It was a rare sight to see that guy do anything with a serious face, he always had a stupid grin or was laughing at something idiotic.  

 

“I guess playing pretend is futile, you’re weirdly hard to manipulate.” His eyes lowered as if he were genuinely disappointed, he crossed his arms and set his face back to its neutral expression that made it ultimately harder to read his face.   

 

Scaramouche took a second more, thinking of how to word this without humiliating himself or giving way to anything that would give Childe a leverage to use against him. The ginger was much too smart then he’d let on, it was a smart strategy–to use against an idiot or something of the sorts, those kinds of things were child's play for him. The years he’d spent wandering Teyvat have accumulated the kind of wisdom one would find in withering and decayed books that were placed in museums, or the books burned for fear of the truth they’d held. 

 

“I want Y/N to accompany my squadron for my upcoming mission.” His eyes landed on the flowers before flickering over to Childe once more. 

 

The man before him went rigid, his expression unreadable and his dull blue eyes staring right through Scaramouche that had made even the puppet feet a flicker of unease. There was a stretch of silence between them as no words were spoken, not even the silent understanding ones.

 

Then a bark of laughter erupted from Childe, his eyes squinted in joy as if he had just heard the funniest joke in his entire life. Scaramouche watched in disdain as the man clutched his stomach and tried to breathe through his mockery.  

 

“What is funny about my question?” The Balladeer asked, crossing his arms as his brow raised in confusion with the hopes of being let in on the apparently hilarious joke. Annoyance weaving into his tone as easily as birds flew. 

 

“ Everything .” Childe’s tone shifted into a more dangerous territory, it was clear between his grins that held malice and his eyes that were not too keen on showing anything below the surface–Childe didn’t like the idea of sharing. 

 

This revelation had left Scaramouche puzzled, sure Childe could have a silly attachment to you but his bond and yours were as unstable as any other mortal bonds forged in convenience. So to hear the idiotic man not only laugh at him but deny him something that has belonged to him long before Childe’s birth, it made him feel a disgusting rage. No one could begin to understand the history you and him share which you also apparently don’t even understand as tragic as it is, let alone some foolish mortal who is nothing more than a trigger happy fool.  

 

“I don’t believe you understand this little game Childe, I was polite enough to phrase my demand as a question but you’re seemingly too shallow to make any bargains with. –” Scaramouche stepped closer, gritting his teeth to at least try and not lose it over something as simple as spilled milk but whenever it came to you it was like Scaramouche lost his self control “–I will be taking Y/N for my mission, whether you agree to it or not.”   

 

“Or what?” Child responded, his defiant tone didn’t match that of a child but rather a wolf trying to convince someone that he was their grandmother. His eyes were sharp, his once joyful expression now hardened. His aura radiated like an impending doom, an unseeable force. He truly looked like the eleventh harbinger and not the golden retriever idiot that every other Harbinger found annoying, the sight in itself was a rare one and Scaramouche found himself tensing up slightly; unsure of what to make of the person in front of him. 

 

“I’ll kill her.”  

Obviously it was a bluff, he’d rather live as an experiment for Dotore before he’d even think of something as horrendous as that but it wasn’t like Childe knew that and given his track record he had more than enough evidence to believe Scaramouche’s threat. He stood up straighter to assert his authority over his subordinate, Childe looked like he was going to get permanent wrinkles from the face he was currently making. 

 

“Do you like Y/N?” 

 

“…”

 

Childe’s voice had interjected in a hesitant curiosity, like asking a question you knew the answer to but hiding behind the thin veil of denial. Cutting the tense silence that Scaramouche had thought he’d perfectly curated.  

 

Only for a second did the sixth Harbinger lose his calculated facade, even if he was just as quick to cover his tracks like the waves cover any marks left on sand but like any good parasite Childe pried at the cracks; always eventually making his way in.  

 

“I don’t believe it-” Childe gasped mildly in disbelief before being cut off, “I do not favor her more than I favor the treasure hoarders surrounding this base, she just happens to be much more reliable with how obedient her doggish mind is.” Scaramouche kept a level tone when he spoke though he could feel a weird heavy feeling as he spoke, what was it called again? 

 

Embarrassment. 

 

Scaramouche was embarrassed. 

 

The feeling of something like shame was almost forgotten, he hadn’t felt anything similar to it as the times went on. Then again it was hard to feel embarrassed when you had the strength to kill anyone with just a snap of your fingers, the arrogant weight that he had carried with him for so long was crumbling the longer he spoke with Childe and that left him absolutely seething. 

 

Childe crossed his arms as he fought the smirk that was threatening to make a home on his face and like any good man who is faced with such a perilous challenge, he failed. Going as far as to outright laugh in the face of Scaramouche, who no doubt would have killed him ages ago had he known there would be no struggle in attempting to do so.  

 

“Comrade! I didn’t know you had it in you to be so humorous, guess that icy heart of yours has finally thawed over after spending time with my lovely assistant.” The tone he had used when referring to you was no doubt a challenge masked as a light joke. It was him staking his claims over them without outright stating it, even though it was extremely unethical to even be talking of another person as if they were nothing but a mere possession but it was the Fatui and things like this were just par on course for the shitty humans and beings that resided in the club house. 

 

“Childe do not test me. I will not hesitate to be the reason as to why you have to lay in that bed for a year more.” Scaramouche reeled in everything, his anger, his anxieties, now he was as readable as a porcelain doll. He wasn’t going to give this shitbag anymore leverage to use against him, or throw questions way out of his ballpark. How Childe had come up with that conclusion was scarily confusing and just how underestimated Scaramouche had been towards that man was definitely going to need to be reevaluated but for now he just needed to secure this deal.  

 

“Oh yeah? Well I don’t see the reason as to why we have to wait a moment longer!” Childe was practically buzzing in excitement at the idea of a fight against his superior. Stars in his eyes as he no doubt saw this as a way to climb the ranks while itching a scratch that should’ve been ultimately left alone. 

 

Positioning himself in an offensive stance, given a second more he was going to lunge at the Balladeer with the intention of spilling as much blood as possible. Scaramouche on the other hand looked as unbothered as one would be while completing a mundane task such as mopping the floors. If anything, he seemed like a parent watching their child throw a tantrum with nothing but utter disappointment in their eyes at the little hell spawn. 

 

“I’ve been waiting for thi–” Childe had started, with the intention of monologuing his triumphant ego but before he could even finish his sentence a flash of purple encased his vision as he dropped to the floor and convulsed in painful spasms. Scaramouche held halfway true to his promise, he didn’t hesitate to attack the ginger but this was definitely not going to need a year of recovery, maybe a few days at most.  

 

Truthfully he really wanted to punch his face in, if anything he felt like he deserved it after everything he’d been put through these past few days. Ignoring the strangled gasps of air as Childe twitched on the floor similar to a fish out of water, this would settle his nerves for the moment at least. 

 

“ –ven, eight, nine, ten.” Waiting till the fight completely left Childe’s body before he finally retracted his electro, watching as the man visibly went limp and unconscious as a result from being electrocuted. Welts and blisters littering across his skin at the direct contact of the element, no doubt giving him a good reason to actually be in the infirmary rather than wasting the nurses time and supplies.  

 

Of course Scaramouche was never one to back down from a fight but his time was crunched and the hospital room was too sterile and cramped for his liking, reminding him of a certain person's laboratory. He didn’t see his move as cowardly given that Childe was looking directly at him so he had ample time to react accordingly–that ample time being less than a second.  

 

It really wasn’t his fault, that idiot should’ve known better to poke at a bear already awake. 

 

“A second more than your usual endurance, how annoying.” Scaramouche regarded him with little interest now that there was no more toying to be had with him ignoring the fact that the ginger was becoming more tolerant to his shocks, he walked up to him and kicked him in the stomach. It would’ve been better had he been awake but the bruising that would most definitely show on his lower abdomen was enough proof to not piss him off on an already bad day. 

 

Also for speaking on your name like that, but that’s not important right now. 

 

After everything settled in, Scaramouche gave him nothing more than a glance before he turned on his heel and opened the door.  

 

There you were, leaning on the wall but straightening up at the sight of him. Of course you heard the commotion, the way your body leaned over slightly in an attempt to peek inside the room didn’t go unnoticed before Scaramouche quickly shut the door behind him. Leaving whatever the hell you heard a temporary mystery but the picture you probably painted in your head wasn’t a pretty one. 

 

Scaramouche had begun to walk down the hall, his shoes clicking against the stone floor as you stayed still as a statue. This was the end of working for him, maybe you could throw a small celebration in your room with a piece of chocolate that you’d haggle from one of the soldiers who would definitely be extremely gullible and thought that the random rock you had found was actually a burnt out star that had fallen to the ground. Ignoring the fact that stars aren’t rocks, it’s not as if these people had a good education but neither did you. It was just common sense that wasn’t all too common in a place like this.  

 

The clicking of shoes stopped, assuming he had finally turned the corner and gone with the wind as one of his status usually goes. Why did it feel like someone was staring at you? 

 

Slowly turning your head in an anxious wait, making eye contact with indigo eyes and a face far too pretty to be twisted up into such a scowl. He had stopped, looking over his shoulder as if to give one last goodbye look without actually having to utter the words himself. 

 

“What are you doing? Let’s go.” He curtly stated. 

 

Now it was your turn to be confused, half of you wanted to instinctively follow his lead but the other half wanted to wait for your actual Harbinger to step out of the room you were standing directly in front of.   

 

Seeing the reluctance in your demeanor, the way your uncertain eyes darted to the door where the unconscious Harbinger lay set something off in Scaramouche’s psyche. An anger so vile that it stuck to him like boiled sugar, reeked of nothing but jealousy, and something that bordered on obsession. 

 

“Your little Harbinger is going to be out of commission for a while, I suggest you come with me before I make this whole experience extremely unpleasant for just you.” Facing forward he began to walk away, you were not an idiot when it came to threats especially from someone like the Balladeer. Honestly you should feel honored that you pissed him off enough for him to even think of wasting a single breath on you.    

 

‘Guess I’ll see you later, Childe.’ Thinking to yourself as you let out an inaudible annoyed huff at the cold reality that you in fact are not done with your temporary reassignment to The Balladeer. He wasn’t all that bad, he might have had around twenty minutes of total time where he wasn’t being a complete prick. 

 

A few minutes later you found yourself trailing behind the young man, with the feeling of an invisible leash around your neck with the added sensation of a ball and chain around your ankle. It was like dangling a piece of food in front of a dog for hours only to eat right before their very eyes, being brought to the edge of a cliff with the promises of flight only to let them fall off into the rocky ocean below. 

 

Too melodramatic? 

 

At least this time it was justified, you had gotten what little hope you had left up in an attempt to buy that shiny toy called freedom only for them to tell you that you didn't have enough mora. Perhaps you were pissed off but that cost too much to care about anyways.

 

“Be prepared by tomorrow, do not show up to my office even a minute late or consequences for you will ensue. You are dismissed. ” Sharp as a knife, piercing as a bullet was the sound of Scaramouche’s voice in the chilling halls of the base. Nodding along slightly to his words before a string of confusion was plucked. 

 

“Excuse my question, be prepared for what exactly?” Your words trickled out in a slow drawl, attempting to make sense of the already vague and threatening statement. 

 

“We’re going on a mission to Inazuma.” He replied with a cold clipped tone, turning sharply and giving you the more then obvious hint not to follow. 

____________________________________ 

Scaramouche felt dull, like a toy long tossed by a child in favor of a new one. 

 

The lights were too bright, the metal table he laid on was chilling against his already freezing skin. His whole body felt stiff, it was easy to lose track of time in this mockery of a hospital room if you could even call it that. Experimentation chamber felt more suitable as its standalone name, innocent blood has been spilled on this table far too many times to be even considered as a place that can help people. 

 

“You’re awake.” A voice called out, Scaramouche ignored it for the time being. 

 

“We tried to enhance the previous work but without the necessities to make it more worthwhile it was like writing on paper with white ink–” Scaramouche looked at the one of many segments Dottore had created, he didn’t care to learn what version this one was. He could tell he was much younger with a mask that covered the majority of his face, this one he was more familiar with as he had been the one to conduct most of the experiments on his body. 

 

He could handle it, he always did. 

 

Today hurt more than usual, maybe it was because this appointment was much too close to his last one. It was like trying to put frosting on a cake that hasn’t cooled down yet, it just ruined the whole process and melted into the cake. 

 

He looked down at his hand and flexed it slightly, checking to see if there were any visible differences between now and around five hours ago. If that's how long he’s been here, it didn’t matter anyways it wasn’t as if he had the need for sleep like most fragile mortals.  

 

He’d pull himself off of the metal table with no effort or expression, dressed in his usual attire minus the accessories that pulled the outfit together leaving him with his black sleeveless shirt and his shorts. He’d notice a dull ache in his wrists, they weren’t marked but he knew it was from the restraints to keep him from moving from the initial experiment. They never offered anesthetics or anything to numb the pain and he never asked, except once but that was a very long time ago and all he was told was a simple. 

 

“You’re a puppet, you don’t feel pain.” 

 

He had believed it to an extent, his tolerance for pain was just much higher than a human he had learned that very day. It’s a typical day for him at the very least now though, or maybe that was another thing he had to convince himself of. 

 

Looking down at the floor in search of his shoes, he hated the feeling of his feet against the cold stone that was placed in the laboratory. Finding them placed neatly together on the floor, slipping them on before he got up off the table and stood.  

 

“–Other than that, that’s all for today.” The segment finished up, looking up from the clipboard with an blank expression from behind his mask. His red eyes had an almost uncanny look in the fluorescent lighting chosen for the entire section, it was clear he was trying to analyze Scaramouche’s expression but it did him no good as the puppet had a face that said nothing more than a mere bored gaze. 

 

There wasn’t much talking on both ends, a mutual agreement that nothing but the bare minimum should be uttered by this point. 

 

So he did what he always did–give nothing but a short nod and walk off. 

 

Leaving the laboratory was sobering, being faced with the natural freeze of Snezhnaya as opposed to the artificial chill inside the room he was just in. Like hopping into the next pond over only to realize it’s the exact same. 

 

It was dark out, the positioning of the moon told him it was well into the night. There were no soldiers except for the occasional stumbling drunk that had managed to smuggle liquor into base or simply the ones returning from a mission. Too tired to realize who they’d almost touch shoulders with, but his burning glare always helped to steer them away. 

 

Without his usual attire, Scaramouche felt light. Associating this feeling with a kind of weakness as he was never this bare except from when he’d come back from his ‘appointments’. He liked it when it was this dark out, no one paid him any mind. Not that he didn’t want to be seen but he just didn’t want to be seen when it wasn’t at his best, whatever his best was at this point. 

 

Too many things were happening, too many factors to account for–could he put you as the main source of these thoughts? Yes, yes he could.  

 

It was laughable, he had spent these years in a dizzying buzz. Never quite able to tell the months or the years apart, it never affected him either way given how long he had been a part of this organization with nothing to truly show for it. 

 

Or that’s how he felt about it, then you breezed along by. 

 

He felt like a kid trying to chase a butterfly, skillfully out of his reach for celestia knows how long. 

 

He knew it was reckless to bring you along for this mission, he hadn’t even accounted for you fully. It was like trying to change the flow of water, possible but almost always a pain in the ass. To him, you were only a chapter in his book of life. How hard he had tried to rip those pages out and burn them to ash, even the slightest memory of you back then had shook him down to his core. So for you to be standing right before him, playing as a mere doll for a Harbinger he had hated since the dawn of time, he never found the right words to express how he felt. 

 

He had tried to convince himself so many times that it was just a fluke, a glitch in the already fake world of Teyvat but the longer he’d stare at you when you’d be blissfully unaware the more he found himself growing–attached? He didn’t like the sound of that word, hated it, but for you he’d endure the raging hellfire that couldn’t all those years ago. 

 

The thing about trying to forget an open wound is that even when you cover it, it never stops bleeding. Whether the blood represents memories, pain, guilt, or even hatred–it never goes away until you take the time to sit and heal it. 

 

Scaramouche never bothered with that though, not anymore at least. 

_________________________________

“So where do you come from? You’ve never really said anything about it.” You questioned, brushing the soft strands of the boy in front of you while breaking the silence that had filled the small house. The two of you sitting criss cross on the shared bed.

 

“I don’t like remembering it.” His words were too light for something that should’ve felt sad, you’d grown accustomed to it though. His face never matched his words and neither did his body language, at first you didn’t mind.  

 

Keyword being at first, you drew the line when he had been smiling as he told you he had essentially killed a bird for squawking too loud in the mornings and always waking you up. Something along the lines of ‘Silencing it’ followed by a very long and awkward silence. You couldn’t find it in yourself to scold him, you doubt he even knew that killing something without using it for food was bad. 

 

He did know. He liked seeing the faces you’d make.  

 

“Sometimes we need to remember things, even if they hurt.” Trying to find the right words before they’d escape you, “It’s like having a bowl that’s cracked, everything will spill out unless you patch it up.” 

 

For once you felt smart, hopefully this was a good analogy. He seemed to understand better when you used them. 

 

“Why not just get a new bowl then?”

 

 Sometimes he understood them too well.  

 

“That’s not possible in this scenario.”

 

“What if you made a new bowl then?” 

 

“Stop trying to get smart with me.” 

 

His laugh echoed out in front of you, it was clear he was just trying to be a smart ass but you couldn’t help the grin on your face even if it was out of annoyance. Hitting the back of his head in a playful manner with your hand seemed to only spur him on further. 

 

“Here I am trying to be wise, this is how you repay me.” You sighed, falling over onto your back dramatically onto the bedding below you. He followed but laying on his stomach, staring at you like a cat perched at the end of the bed. 

 

“I understand it, I just don’t think it applies to me as much as it applies to you.” He finally added, you could tell when he would try to put up an invisible barrier between the two of you, you always could.  

 

“It applies to me just as much as it applies to you.” You reassured, giving him a soft grin.  

_____________________________________ 

Scaramouche found himself physically cringing at the memory, shaking his head in hopes that it’d finally leave him alone. Having flashbacks to when you were alive–are you even alive? Either way they didn’t happen as often as they did now and you were no doubt the cause of it. 

 

Sitting back in his chair after guiding himself back to his office on autopilot, he found himself feeling tired? No, he felt tense. Childe had scratched too close to the surface which inevitably would result in some questioning upon his arrival back to base, which he didn’t plan on doing in the first place. Along with the fact that he pretty much kidnapped you, that’s what happens when you make verbal contracts. You’d think someone would learn a thing or two after spending weeks in Liyue. 

 

That didn’t matter though, none of it did because either way you were going to end up back on a ship to Snezhnaya. The more he thought about it the more he understood how much he had been overcomplicating the entire ordeal. He was going to bring you along for whatever selfish desire had sparked up in him in the first place and then he was going to be gone. That was it, as cut and dry as it could possibly get. 

 

Of course he could plan for the worst case scenario but what could go wrong realistically? Not a single bell went off in his head, other than the fact that you could potentially meet your demise on this trip but he was going to have you glued to his hip to avoid that in the very least. 

 

After he’s gone, you get to go back with your precious Harbinger and you’ll forget all about this as you continue to live a miserable life in the Fatui. 

 

Was he jealous of Childe? No, but the tiny little voice at the back of his head wanted him gone for even breathing in your direction. 

 

Pulling a piece of paper towards him, he began to read it, going over the specifics of his trip to Inazuma in general. Or what the Tsaritsa had sent him there for in the first place, not his little side hobby that he had been planning out. 

 

The entire fiasco had started because of something as simple as gossip, his favorite human sin.

 

Word of a vision hunt decree had been spreading like wildfire across the nations, or to whatever lone soul that decided to listen to the wind blowing. Scaramouche had brushed it off, a scoff leaving his mouth and laughter bubbling in his chest. If that moronic god wanted to let her so-called empire of ‘Eternity’ crumple to her tyrannic will, then so be it.  

 

Pierro was the one to have the initial idea, having caught wind of one of his lower ranking soldiers speaking of the war back home in Inazuma, something along the lines of vision confiscation and so he had done some digging. It wasn’t too hard given how many refugees from Inazuma were eager to voice their complaints, telling him everything he needed to know without even having to step foot in the nation.

 

 Of course he had confided with the Cryo Archon to finalize the plan overall and served it on a silver platter for the taking. They already had infiltrated the land, poisoning the people who had wanted to fight back with Delusions, they just needed someone to make sure things were getting done.

 

That’s how he viewed it in the very least, Scaramouche had heard of the plan much earlier from Dottore with the proclamation that he had the scrapings of an idea. As much as he hated the man himself, the opportunity and the promises provided were much too good to pass. He’d be a fool to let his pride get in the way of his final greatest achievement. 

 

After reading the contents as closely as possible he signed at the bottom to acknowledge that he had done so–sometimes he really wanted to burn this whole place down, who would’ve thought being a Harbinger would require so much paperwork to be filled out. 

 

At times he really contemplated letting you do his work, the thought was quickly shut down at the memory of you snooping through his things around the initial introduction between the two of you. You were a nosey little rat at times, assuming you’d picked it up from Ajax. Hell, who knows if you knew a few things that you shouldn’t because of that lazy bastard.   

________________________________ 

Packing wasn’t all that hard considering you only had a few spare uniforms, undergarments, and your weapon. 

 

Given you didn’t really know what to expect, was it gonna be only a day? Week? Month? Year?! 

 

Knowing Scaramouche’s love for being vague and mysterious didn’t really help, the only thing you could really take into consideration was how long Childe had been gone himself. It was around a month and a half, you didn't know for sure because you were definitely not counting the days he’d return. 

 

Definitely.   

 

The idea of going back to Inazuma wasn’t all too exciting the more you reconsidered, mainly because of two things; A.) nothing interesting was waiting for you back there, and B.) It was a work-related trip. It couldn’t be considered a vacation just yet, though there might be a few chances you could slack off without getting caught. You always liked finding the loopholes in situations just like these, not that you were ever put in situations like these.  

 

Now staring at a small chest that contains all of the items you deemed necessary, minus your weapon, that's going to stay on you for the duration of this trip. Normal civilians tend to get overly aggressive when in the presence of the Fatui, between the large assemblies wherever there was danger and the unnecessary propaganda constantly being spread about the evil doings of the Fatui. Not saying that the Fatui wasn’t evil, you just didn’t like how you’d sometimes be refused service in shops simply because of the uniform. 

 

A small voice in the back of your head nagged at you, not the usual self deprecating thoughts you’d endure but something much more horrifying. This little bastard was trying to make you go see that old witch, the same one who’d force you to cook her dinner and make you watch her eat it with the claim ‘You can have the leftovers!’ only to eat it all and send you to bed hungry.

 

Was she even alive?  

 

Maybe a little overdramatic, she wasn’t too bad and completed the bare necessities with ease like keeping a roof over your head and making sure you weren’t kidnapped by strangers. Even if it was mostly for her gain of a personal slave, but even then, with the lack of any parental affection she was never a horrible person. 

 

That's what you tell yourself at least, you don't really know if you are related to her since everyone acts like a muzzled dog whenever it came to the topic of your parents. Dead? Alive? You never really found out, you don’t even have a picture of them but that wasn’t all too common growing up so it wasn’t really surprising. Now that you’re an adult you tell yourself that it doesn’t affect you but on the occasional day when you’d see a child and their parents, you’d ignore the feeling of jealousy waving around you like a strong gust of wind. 

 

You shouldn’t feel things like that, they’re childish .  

 

Picking up your crate of items and lugging it against your hip as one would do with a baby, except that corner of it was digging into your side rather painfully. As you held the box the sudden thought popped into your head, like a cloud of clarity.  

 

‘He never told me when we were leaving, just to be in his office this morning.’ A deadpan look on your face as you threw the surprisingly heavy crate onto your sad excuse of a bed with a small growl of agitation. The realization that you probably packed for no reason was becoming apparently clear, were you going mental? 

 

“I swear to celestia, that bastard is always speaking in riddles! How was I supposed to know?” Shouting into the empty abyss of which was your room, really the only place where you’d wear your emotions on your face. No one here to perform for, no duties, nothing–save for the spider in the corner of your room. You saw it catch a fly so it gets an okay in your book for now. For now. 

 

You should probably head to Scaramouche’s office now, it wasn’t like you could be angry about the packing when it took you probably ten minutes. It was more so the fact that you had no idea what was going on or going to happen, the lack of control you had, not that you had much in the first place. 

 

Could you even consider yourself a human at this point?  

 

Stepping out of your room, eyes trained to the floor as you marched the same path you had been for these past few weeks. Your life was a boring cycle of rinse and repeat normalities that would drive the typical person insane, were you insane? Or did you have a tolerance that was starting to fail you? Where did you even see yourself in ten year- 

 

Feeling your shoulder connect with someone in a harsh shoulder check, you couldn’t help the flash of anger that made its way onto your features and the way your teeth were gritted so hard over something so common. 

 

“Watch where the fuck you’re going.” The words spilled from your mouth quicker then you could register, it was almost muscle memory by this point. Were you really going to get into a fight over this? It was immature to let your emotions slip into your actions, but you were craving for something to let it all out. 

 

Or that's what you felt until you saw familiar black curls, shining green eyes, and a smile too bright for a place this dull. He seemed to recognize you instantly too, he didn’t even seem angry about bumping into you before either. Shame and embarrassment began to bloom in your chest at the self reflection of you throwing a temper tantrum. 

 

“Izek-”, You began with a much less tense frame before you were cut off, “Wow Y/N! That’s no way to talk to a friend!” It seemed like he was trying to pretend that he was scolding you, keyword being pretend because the grin on his face was a painful giveaway. 

 

A beat of silence passed between the two of you, awkwardly waiting for the other to speak or it was more of you waiting for him to continue. Ignoring the way a few soldiers walked passed you grumbling curses about how you guys were in the way, a part of you wishing you had bumped into one of those bastards so you really had an excuse to kick someone's ass. 

 

“Kidding! Kidding! Had you convinced there didn’t I?!” Izek was in tears and howling with laughter as he nudged you softly in the side, you couldn’t help the way you had actually felt embarrassed by being near him. Maybe this is how being near Childe would’ve felt if he wasn’t as strong as he was.

 

“What’re you doing on this side of base Izek? I thought you were in the eleventh’s division?” You didn’t want it to sound like you were interrogating the man but you couldn’t help but to voice your curiosity aloud. Also maybe because you enjoyed speaking without the worry that you were going to be strangled for it. 

 

He looked at you for a second with his signature grin, straightening up slightly as he ran his hand through his hair to fix it. “Oh well y’know I just got signed up to go on an overseas mission, not that big of a deal.” His nonchalance was making you cringe slightly, you missed when he was making a fool of himself not even twenty seconds ago. 

 

Opening your mouth to question the man again but it was in vain as he didn’t even give you a second to get anything out, “–technically I begged but they still let me go because they were short on Dendro users!” His cheeks were slightly pink as he confessed to a crime no one accused him of with absolutely no pressure. 

 

“To Inazuma?” 

 

“How’d you know…?”  

 

“I’m on it too.” 

 

“ Oh. ” 

 

Izek stood shockingly still as he processed your words, having pressed his lips into a thin line for a few moments before he was back to bouncing like a dog chasing a ball. Grabbing you by the shoulders and shaking you like some sort of ragdoll, you had to physically ignore the urge to punch him because you knew he meant no harm by it. 

 

“That’s amazing! I can’t believe I’m going on a trip with one of my buddies!” He was way too happy over nothing but honestly you would’ve been more concerned if he wasn’t bouncing on the walls from excitement. 

 

A small smile made its presence on your features, the sheer idiocy of the man before you was far too amusing to keep scowling at his antics. 

 

He seemed to notice this as he let go of your shoulders, seemingly smug with himself as he looked down towards the floor in an almost bashful manner. 

 

“It’s still a business trip so don’t get your hopes up too much.” Letting your words of wisdom linger, not having the courage to burst his probably impenetrable bubble. You’d rather let him learn that the Fatui wasn’t all sunshine and magic like he was most likely beginning to think it was. 

 

“Anyways I have to go report to The Balladeer, see you around Izek.” There wasn’t much meaning behind your words as they had meant to only serve as a simple farewell to an acquaintance, but as you spoke them you couldn’t help but notice the way his eyes subconsciously glanced to the side as if looking for a way out and his form tensing up at the mere mention of the Harbinger’s name. 

 

“Ah- Well I’ll see you later Y/N goodbye!” Izek zipped off like the busy bee he was, he must’ve thought that you didn’t see the way he got awkward towards the end but you did, you definitely did. 

 

Your eyes narrowed only slightly as you watched him leave the other way, turning your head forwards as you began to walk where you needed to be. You wasted way too much time talking to him anyways, could you even be considered late? There was never really a set time of when you had to report, you just showed up around the same time everyday but the same time you were supposed to show up was thirty minutes ago. 

 

‘What the hell was that about? He got nervous at my mention of Scaramouche–strange considering he’s a part of Childe’s division and he was perfectly fine when I was talking about him last time…” Your brows were furrowed as you picked up your pace only slightly, considering the possibilities for the way Izek acted during those last five seconds of your goodbyes. 

 

Maybe you were overthinking it? This was the Fatui, you couldn’t really overthink because the worst case scenario was the scenario happening in the present time. If anything you were just connecting dots. Plus even if Izek was in cahoots with Scaramouche what's the worst he could say about you? 

 

‘…I shouldn’t have shit talked about The Balladeer.’ The sudden thought that Scaramouche knew about the defamation you had spread on his reputation suddenly made you anxious, the fact that with each step you took you were getting closer to the very person that could end your life with just the blink of his eye. 

 

Seeing the same two doors that you’ve seen everyday made you break out into a cold sweat. The conversation with Izek in the canteen happened days ago. Scaramouche would’ve said something about it by now, right? 

 

‘Damn you Izek.’ 

 

Knocking softly on one of the doors before you went inside, you had stopped waiting for him to allow you inside after a while. Mainly because he never commented on it and maybe you were being slightly delusional but he seemed almost okay with the fact that you entered without permission. 

 

The office was quiet, save for the crackle of the fire lit and the atmosphere seemed depressing–

 

“ You’re late .” 

Notes:

FEAST MY CHILDREN FEAST AND GET STRONG ENOUGH FOR WORLD DOMINATION