Chapter Text
Thus let me live, unseen, unknown;
Thus unlamented let me die;
Steal from the world, and not a stone
Tell where I lie.
-Alexander Pope “Ode on solitude.”
I figured when I died, it would be unspectacular and utterly boring.
It was.
I lived my life, worked forty hours a week and paid my bills. Thus was the fate of a modern human being of my stature. I died of an illness in the hospital, with my mother holding my hand.
I never really thought of what would happen after. Or how I’d find myself gasping for breath as a babe in the arms of a strange woman. The artificial light made my head ache, my limbs felt like led as I struggled in her hold.
People around me murmured, they handled me like a puppet between each other. I tried to demand explanation for what was happening, my world had suddenly drastically changed with no warning. I screamed and cried, no one answered.
It took me a good while to realize what happened. Rebirth was a religious concept I never wanted. I survived my first life, I passed high school and college. I worked my ass off at my job, to pay bills and eat food.
All of that, for this? A restart? Who would say this was a gift? When the world around me was utterly normal. I lived in Seattle, where the sky was covered in grey clouds most of the time. Someone stole me from my normal life and placed me in another one.
I stayed depressed about my situation for a good few years. I hated having no control of the situation. No say in my life. But I played the obedient child for my mother, I listened and acted as normal as I could. I passed school, even graduated early since I refused to suffer in a building full of hormonal teenagers. She was happy, I think. She told me how proud she was all the time. How my eyes were the same color as my fathers, hazel and how he was a good man even though he left us.
She died and I had to live with my cousin, Riley Biers in Forks Washington when I turned 17.
That name sounded familiar, but I was a different person then I was when I was born. My memories of before were blurred, so I only sent him a polite smile when his mother and I arrived at their house after driving from Seattle to pick me up.
Now sitting in my room, staring at the ceiling I contemplated my life. Lives.
I would play this life out, I had decided at age ten, and try to enjoy it. The world still felt bland to me but I smiled more now, and I took part in conversations. Slowly I was becoming a person again, who wanted to find a life worth living.
A knock on my door broke me out of my thoughts. “Come in,” I offered, sitting up on my bed.
Riley opened the door, just like me he had dark blonde hair but he inherited his blue eyes from my aunt. “I’m going to Port Angeles to go bar hopping with some friends to celebrate our graduation, did you want to come?”
I shrugged. “No thanks, bars really aren’t my thing.”
“Aw come on,” He replied, a sweet smile spread across his face. Effortless, it made his eyes brighten and I felt drawn to them. “I know you already graduated but it will be fun, I’ll show you some of my favorite spots and you can meet my friends. They’re really nice.”
I disliked the idea, I planned to say no. I paused mid -speak. “Sure.”
I supposed it wouldn’t hurt, maybe meeting new people would make my mood better. I didn’t get along with teenagers very well, but I was around them enough I knew how to. In this life I learned how to fit in, play the part so no one would see I was too different from them.
The thought of someone learning about my reincarnation status made me sick. I just wanted to live a peaceful life. So far this utterly normal world was living up to that expectation.
I cleaned up a bit before we left, combing a hand through my hair and slipping on a causal pair of jeans and a blue shirt. I needed to trim up my undercut, it served to help me blend in with the crowd but I hated how it looked if it grew out too much. Hopefully Forks had a barber I could rely on.
Riley and I both had a driver’s license, he offered to drive with a polite smile.
I sent him a small one of my own. “It’s fine, I can be your DD. I don’t plan to drink.”
“I appreciate it Kerian.”
The drive to Port Angeles was as few hours away from Forks as Riley told me the directions. He asked a few questions on the way about my own personal life, mostly my interests and what I planned to do in the future.
“I wouldn’t mind being a Librarian." I replied, changing lanes so we wouldn’t miss the exit Riley indicated. “My mom was a nurse but I don’t really want to go through that much school.”
“A librarian would be neat!” Riley responded, his white teeth flashed as he sent me a grin. “You seem like the studious type, especially because you graduated early. I bet you could apply for a part-time job at Forks Library.”
“I will need to make money, I’d like to move out into my own place by the time I turn eighteen.” I replied, thinking of how nice it would be to finally live alone. My mother was a kind person when she lived, I just wanted to be able to act like myself. Being under the control of an adult exhausted me. “What do you want to do?”
“Oh I’m a car sales man right now, I’ve been working since I was sixteen there. I plan to go to Olympic College to get my degree in business.”
I glanced at him from the corner of my eye. “Your work ethic is impressive.”
He laughed. “Right? I just really enjoy what I do, mom says with my silver tongue I’ll rise up the ranks in no time.”
Our personalities definitely differed, I wasn’t nearly as happy as my cousin but I didn’t mind. He effortlessly kept the conversation flowing between us, and visibly got excited when he saw the bar where we’d meet his friends.
I parked us in one of the car garages and paid for a few hours. I had a watch on me so if the partying lasted longer I planned to pay for a few more hours so Riley could have fun.
I greeted his friends as best as I could considering there was a lot of them. Eventually I moved to the side and sat on one of the barstools, not completely out of the social group but I had my space. It settled my nerves a bit.
A girl with brown hair and eyes dancing with curiousity sat next to me. Jessica if I remembered correctly.
“Hey, your Kerian right?”
I nodded.
“Nice to meet you! You’re from Seattle right?”
I rose a brow at that. “Yeah, how’d you know?”
Jessica crossed her legs, it made the short dress she wore ride up her thigh a bit. “Forks is a small town, once Riley mentioned you moving here the whole town learned within a couple of days.”
I considered that for a moment. “That makes sense, Seattle is pretty big so you never see the same person on the street.”
She giggled and twirled her hand in her hair, her blue eyes peeked up at him through her lashes. “So you graduated early right? You must be smart then.”
I stared at her for a moment, at the way she sat closer to me and the look in her eyes. Belatedly my brain realized she was flirting with me. “Oh, I’m not interested I’m sorry.”
Jessica paused. “What?”
“Not that you’re not beautiful,” I hastily continued, to try and save a potential friendship. At least Riley wouldn’t get too much of a hassle from her if I made sure to smooth things over. “I just don’t do relationships right now…” I looked away and said quietly enough to her. “Or girls.”
There is always the fear of rejection when you come out to someone. No matter how old you are. Since I preferred the same sex the very real possibility of someone instantly hating my guts or becoming violent with me was very high. It didn’t stop me from being honest, I just always prepared myself for the worst reactions.
Jessica seemed to take in my response, a few different emotions passed across her face. Shock, annoyance and a bit of resignation. “Of course you’re not interested.” She suddenly deflated and leaned heavily on the bar with her head in her hands. “God forbid any man I talk to actually wants to fuck me.”
I chocked down a laugh, I didn’t want her to think I was laughing at her. But her sarcastic voice, which was obviously aimed to he situation and not me, cracked me up.
“Sorry.”
“Don’t be.” She replied and turned her head to look at me. Her long dark hair was tied up in a intricate braid and slid across her back as her head moved. “Thanks for being honest, I can’t say Mike has ever really let me down before and it drives me mad.”
“Mike?”
Jessica gestured to a blonde teenager who was laughing with a group further away. “He’s taken me to a couple of dances, but it’s never been on his own terms. I’ve been trying so hard to get him to like me, now that we’ve graduated I’ll probably just give up. I must look desperate.”
Since I had no real insight to the matter I had little opinion. Jessica seemed like a nice girl though, at least in my books anyone okay with me being gay was a blessing. “I’m sure he doesn’t think that. But maybe a chance in location would help you.” I replied. “Seattle is a big place, there’s plenty of men who would love to have you.”
Jessica sent him a small smile. “Thanks, I guess I’m a bit stuck. Ever since Bella Swan moved here Mike only thinks about her, hell all the men do. I just don’t understand.”
“Bella?”
“Yeah, she’s the last new person here before you. She’s the police chiefs daughter, her name is Bella Swan.”
“Oh.”
The name rung a bell, one from my other life. I considered it for a moment, silently watching the teenagers laugh and joke with each other. I realized I recognized the name from a book I once read, but people named their children after book characters all the time.
“You know, you may look a bit like Riley but you two are pretty different.”
I focused back on Jessica, who watched me with her curious eyes. “Probably, we did grow up in different environments.”
She hummed and sat up. “Maybe. Anyway, I’ll talk to you later. Nice to meet you Kerian.”
“Likewise.”
I watched her confidently saunter off and then scanned my eyes over the crowd once again. Movement attracted my attention and I watched as Riley left the building.
Unwilling to let him go out in the dark alone I followed after. Slipping through the crowds of people with ease. Riley wasn’t too far and I jogged to catch up with him.
“Oh hey Kerian, what’s up?”
I shrugged. “I just noticed you left so I decided to follow. I don’t want you to get mugged.”
Riley sent me a small smile. “Thanks, I just realized I forgot something in the car.”
The streets were dark as we walked down them, empty of most life besides a few other bars that had music blaring and people laughing. I frowned when the sky started to drizzle, figures it rained when we left the building.
Dead silence made me pause.
Our car was a few blocks away, so the bars were a distant noise in the background now. Besides them though the air felt tense, like it was holding it’s breath. My instincts told me something was wrong.
“Kerian?”
I looked around at our environment, nothing was out of place. The only thing that was happening was we were getting more wet.
“It’s nothing.” I finally said, and turned around to face my cousin. “I’m just being paranoid.”
Cold hands wrapped around my head, red hair caught the edge of my vision. The immediate presence of another person, who arrived in such a manner I never even noticed made my blood turn cold.
Then my world was on fire.