Chapter Text
Emergency Alert (National):
This is not a test:
CENTER FOR DISEASE CONTROL ISSUES THE FOLLOWING:
BIOHAZARDOUS AGENTS-OUTBREAK WARNING
AS OF 08:30AM 11/15/20XX
SYMPTOMS INCLUDE:
Fever
Loss of coordination
Numbness in extremities
Erratic / Violent behavior
Suspected biological agent transfer by saliva/bodily fluids
STAY INDOORS AND GATHER ALL EMERGENCY ESSENTIALS
IF IN CONTACT WITH INFECTED PERSONS, SELF-QUARANTINE IMMEDIATELY AND CONTACT LOCAL EMERGENCY SERVICES
Emergency Alert (National)
This is not a test
November 15
Honking the horn won’t help. He knows this. The car in front of him is stuck behind the other car and so on and so forth until the end of time, apparently.
No one is answering his calls or texts. His parents, Hiyyih, his friends. No one. Traffic is at a standstill and no one is fucking answering.
He’s both frustrated and angry. He opens the door and steps out, looking around. It goes on for fucking miles.
“See anything?” A voice calls.
Turning, it’s a woman standing outside of her car in the next lane over.
“Cars.” He says, and sits back down. He turns the car off, and checks his phone again. Looks over through the passenger window at the woman. She’s standing, looking down at her phone, then gets on her toes to look around. She’s…really, really pretty and he raises his eyebrows in appreciation, then turns to look out the windshield at the same scene he’s been staring at for hours.
He's about to go insane. There’s no indication that they’re moving at all any time soon, and he keeps looking out the window at woman. She looks nice. Like she’d be nice. He has no idea why he thinks that, just that she does.
Chastising himself, he forces himself to look forward again. He shouldn’t be checking out other women anyway. He’s just bored.
Sighing, he texts everyone again, but only one doesn’t have message not sent. A second later though, he sits upright in the seat when the phone in his hand rings.
It’s Beomgyu.
“Hello?”
“Soobin…is-“
Beomgyu’s breaking up. He can hear the interference.
“Hello?” Soobin grips the steering wheel. “Hello? Beomgyu? Fuck, where are you? Go to Kai’s.” He can barely hear Beomgyu’s voice, and he yells into the phone in desperation. “Hello? Beomgyu? God fucking-Beomgyu? Can you hear me? Beomgyu?” But it’s silent. The call is dropped and he stares down at the phone. He tries calling, tries texting, but nothing gets through.
Somehow, this makes him more scared than he has been so far.
He can’t sit here anymore, but he isn’t sure what else to do. He can’t just leave his car behind. What if things start moving the minute he starts walking? He’ll be that asshole that left his fucking car on the freeway in the middle lane.
Frustrated, he punches the center console and gets out. At least standing, he feels like he’s doing something. Leaning on the hood of his car, he looks around. Everyone else looks like they had the same idea, even though it’s getting dark and fucking freezing out.
Zipping his coat all the way up, he casually glances over to the lane next to him. The woman is there, head down on the steering wheel and he wonders if she’s okay.
He watches as she lifts her head up, muttering to herself and gets out with a backpack and a purse, but darts his head down when she turns to him.
“Hopefully you won’t wait to much longer.”
--
“See anything?” You ask the guy in the car next to you. You’ve been sitting here for hours and can’t get ahold of anyone.
“Cars,” he says before getting back in.
That is not the least bit helpful. Your parent’s house is four exits away, so maybe you can walk the rest of it. Traffic hasn’t moved. At all. You light a cigarette and check your phone to see nothing new.
It’s dusk, and nothing. People are standing outside of their cars, and you decide you’re just going to walk. This is fucking stupid.
Grabbing your bag, you sigh and step out.
“Hopefully you won’t wait to much longer,” you say conversationally to the man from earlier. He’s standing outside, leaning on his car. You blink at how good looking he is.
“Oh, are you-are you leaving your car?”
You glance behind you. “I…yeah. I can’t wait here anymore. It’s almost dark-we’ve been here for like eight hours.”
He glances in ahead and behind. “Alone? You’re going alone? I saw some people…you shouldn’t,” he grunts, “where are you headed?”
“A few exits ahead.” Zipping up your coat, you smile politely. “I hope you, um, I hope everything is okay.”
“Wait,” he says suddenly. “I…I’ll walk with you. We aren’t moving at all.” He doesn’t wait for an answer, opening his passenger door and pulling out a backpack.
You look around you, unsure. “Uh…okay.” Slinging his backpack on, he smiles, dimples showing. He’s so cute. “I should have listened and stayed at home.”
“No shit. So should all of these people.”
“Yeah, they’re all doing what we were doing, though.”
“Yeah, but I’m the important one,” he jokes.
You shouldn’t let a man you don’t know walk in the dark on the side of the highway with you, but he doesn’t strike you as a bad guy, or like a pervert, or something. There’s plenty of people around.
You both start walking on the shoulder and introduce yourselves. Soobin a really nice guy. Really good looking and tall.
“Where are you trying to go?”
“My buddy’s. His sister is my fiancé-well-girlfriend. She’s not my fiancé yet. I mean, I hope she will be. I don’t see why she wouldn’t-I haven’t even bought a ring yet. But, it’s the same exit as you.”
You’re kind of disappointed. That he isn’t single. “Ah. I hope it goes well and she says yes.”
“Me too.”
You’re both quiet a few moments.
“Where are you going?”
“My parent’s house. They’re overseas, but the house is far enough away from the city-I figured…” you shrug, “I’d weather out whatever this is over there.”
“Ah. Husband? Boyfriend?”
“Nope.”
“…girlfriend?”
You laugh a little and shake your head, and he purposely moves so he’s walking on the road side of the shoulder. What a gentleman.
You both chat the way you do with strangers. Comparing stories-how you found out about this whole outbreak thing. Talk about what you do for a living. You find out you both grew up in the city, just on opposite sides. Where you went to school, where you live now.
You’ve made it about two miles and you’re about to say something when you see jets overhead, so close your hair flies in your face and the guy you’re with instinctually moves to cover you. You both flinch when it’s followed by a large boom.
Turning, you both watch as they’re flying towards the direction you came.
“Those are Airforce jets,” Soobin says in awe. “But why…”
You both discover why they’re going towards the city, because from where you’re standing you can’t see the jets anymore, but you can see the skyscrapers of downtown explode. You grip his sleeve, and watch in horror.
“Are they-are they-“
“Oh my god.” Soobin says. “Oh my god. What are they-“ Scrambling for his phone he unlocks it and frantically starts typing. Doing the same, you call everyone you can think of that still might be there. You’re suddenly grateful your parents decided to move to the suburbs. You’re suddenly grateful that you decided to leave the city. If you had listened, and you had stayed home…
There’s a scream and you both whip around to see a man biting the arm of some old woman in a few lanes in front of you.
“Oh fuck,” you gasp, moving to help, but Soobin pushes you behind him. “We should-”
There’s gunshots and you both see a man getting mauled by two other people, his arm in the air randomly shooting. Ducking, you feel your coat being pulled and you’re being covered by Soobin-trying to pull you along, but trying to stay protectively over you at the same time.
“Go, go, go,” he says before yanking you over the metal guardrail. Stumbling, you try to grab him, but you both slide down the embankment to the road below the overpass.
You spit out a mouthful of dirt and groan. “Holy shit,” you cough. “Are you okay?”
Sitting up, he blinks. “Can you tell me what’s happening?” He looks at you. “Because what the fuck was that?”
You don’t know because right then there’s a loud thump as someone falls from the overpass above, directly in front of you-then gets back up.
You cry out in surprise when the man spins towards you, arm bent at an unnatural angle, and his face-
He’s walking towards you both, and you can’t seem to move because you’re frozen in fear. You can’t move, though there’s alarms going off inside your brain that you need to get up now. Get up, you tell yourself. Now. But you can’t move.
Eyes wide, you’re stuck and don’t notice the squeal of tires as a car hits him. He’s carried on the hood for a few feet before the car comes to a halt.
The driver gets out and apologizes but can’t say much else because the man who fell is ripping his throat out with his teeth.
You look over at Soobin, who looks as panicked as you feel.
“…come…” He clumsily gets up and yanks you to your feet, and you can’t stop looking at the guy being attacked.
“Should we help him?” You murmur, watching.
“We-let’s go.” Yanking you by the hand, he pulls you into a run. “Jesus fucking Christ.”
--
The side streets are empty, and he isn’t sure where he’s trying to go, other than away from whatever just happened. You’re so small, your tiny legs can’t keep up and he tries to slow down for you.
He’s desperately searching for something, somewhere that might help. A hospital, a police station-anything. It’s all just houses.
He feels you struggling, and he stops, panting.
“Where-where are we-what should we do?” You ask.
“Uh, I don’t know.” He rests his hands on his knees. “Do you know where we are?”
You shake your head and look around. “What was that guy-he should have died. Is he sick? One of the sick ones?”
A cop car pulls out at an intersection, and you frantically wave it down.
“You guys bit?” The cop asks from the window.
“Bit?” You ask and look at Soobin. “No,” you both answer, and he waves you over, getting out to open the back door.
The second you both sit down you both ramble off questions.
“I don’t know, kids. We were told to go to a quarantine zone. You guys shoot a gun before?”
You both say yes, and Soobin looks over at you in shock. You’re so cute and tiny, it’s hard to picture you shooting a gun.
“We’ll head to that quarantine place. I’ll tell you I’ve never seen anything like it. It’s like everyone’s gone crazy.”
The cop takes side streets so quickly, you’re both tossed from one side of the car to the other and Soobin catches you, holding on.
“Where is it? This quarantine place?”
“County fairgrounds,” he answers and swerves to miss an oncoming car zigzagging all over the road.
He doesn’t even stop the car, or pull over. Soobin realizes how far the fairgrounds are-in the complete opposite direction he wants to go. But he’s a cop. It’s better than trying to find his way to Kai’s when he doesn’t really know where he is anyway. And chances are, Hiyyih will stay where she is until Soobin can there.
If he goes to the quarantine zone, they’ll have answers and maybe even-
The car comes to an abrupt halt.
“Sweet Jesus,” the officer murmurs.
In front of them, looking through the glass partition, the street is crowded with…the infected. There’s hundreds of them.
Without a word, the cop turns and starts reversing and the two of you turn and watch as he tries to avoid parked cars and random people, all trying to wave him down too. But he doesn’t stop for them either.
Spinning around, he goes back the way they came. You’re pressed up against him, and he can hear your harsh breathing. Glancing at you, you look terrified, so he holds tighter.
“You okay?”
“Uh, I don’t really know.” You look at him. “I-are you?”
“No. Not at all,” he says honestly.
“Okay, me neither.”
They don’t talk much and he’s trying to wrap his head around all of this. It’s full dark now, and they pass people waving him down, pass a woman biting a kid-there’s fires and wrecks and how-everything seemed normal this morning.
He feels your hand on his sleeve, and when he looks over, you’re looking out the window in horror.
At the fairgrounds, they bypass a line of people and cars, as the cop car is waved through. He guiltily looks at the terrified kids, the families, who look like they’ve been waiting for hours.
Scrambling to ask questions to anyone in a uniform, you and him are shoved into a line that wraps around the fenced off area.
“How…” you look around, “what are we supposed to do here?”
“You’re asking the wrong person. Did you see? All that shit? The cop didn’t even stop.”
“He’s one guy, what’s he supposed to do?”
“Yeah, but he could call backup, right?”
“I…guess. It looked…do you think it’ll be alright?” Blinking, you look at him helplessly.
He’s overwhelmed with a need to protect you. He swallows down the fear, and puts on a brave face “Of course. It has to be.”
--
They approach a tired man in an Army uniform.
“Family unit?”
“Uh,” you look up at Soobin. “What does-“
“Yeah, sure.” Soobin looks down at you. “That’s-that means we’re together right?”
“Married couples and families,” the man says. “So, yes?”
“Yes.” Soobin nods confidently. “Yes. Together, please.”
You’re handed papers and given two boxes of supplies.
Once out of earshot, you stop. “Why did you say the family one? I literally just met you.”
“I-I just panicked.” He looks around, uncomfortable. “Do you think you know anyone here?”
“Uh, I don’t…think so? There’s a ton of people here.”
“I guess I thought that…I don’t want you to be alone. It seems safe, but they’re letting anyone in. What if there’s molesters here?”
“Oh.” You say, surprised. You hadn’t thought about that. “You’re not a molester, are you?” You’re both trying to find your way through scared people and rows and rows of trailers.
“No.”
“What if I am?”
“You can try to molest me, but I’ll ninja kick you, though.”
It’s a small trailer. You both awkwardly look at each other, setting the boxes down.
“How long are we supposed to stay here? This is for wildfires and tornados, right?” You stand there in the small kitchen. “Not whatever is going on.”
“Do you have a signal? Service at all?”
You check. “No. You?”
“I need to find-how am I going to explain this? Maybe Hiyyih can find her way here?” Dropping his phone to his side, he grunts in frustration. “No offence, or anything, but I didn’t quite realize we’d be moving in together.”
“I thought-when you said family unit-“
“I mean, yeah, I did.” You watch him open the couple of doors and peek in. “I’ll take the couch and you can have the room. It should only be a couple of days at most, right? Until all this shit gets sorted.”
“Covid lasted…” you sigh and scrub a hand over your face. “This isn’t the same-it can’t be.”
“I think this is entirely different.” He slumps into a cheap kitchen chair. “Is this zombies? It looked like fucking zombies.”
“Zom-” You frown and sit across from him. “That’s not-that’s not real.”
“The guys eating-biting people? That dude that fell-he should have died. Biological whatever-it’s zombies.”
Furrowing your brow, you look down at the table. That’s the most ridiculous fucking thing you’ve ever heard. It’s a biological agent, yes. It’s some sort of sickness, yes. But-that can’t be real. It just can’t.
“Are you saying this is a zombie apocalypse? Like that?” You ask in disbelief.
“What else is it? Okay, maybe not an apocalypse, that’s dramatic, but yeah. I’m sure the Army will take care of it, right? We just have to quarantine? Or quarantine the sick people? We went through Covid, this should be…not even an issue.”
Your eyes get wide and you dart up. “Do you think we’ve been exposed? We were sitting in a traffic jam.” You look down at yourself, as if you could find anything that would give you any indication you may start trying to eat people.
“The alert-you got it, right?” He stands up too. “It said it’s transferred through bodily fluids. I haven’t had sex any zombies and I wasn’t bitten, so…”
Despite your fear, you laugh. “I hope you haven’t.”
He lifts an eyebrow and looks down at you suspiciously. “Have you?”
“Been bitten? No. I haven’t engaged in intercourse either-or made out with any, so…you’re probably right.” You take a deep breath. “You’re right. The military will take care of this,” you nod to yourself, “and it’ll be a day or two and everything will be fine.”
But what you haven’t taken into account is why the city you grew up in is now ashes. If everything was going to be alright, there’d be no need…
“What about the city?” You ask quietly.
He stares at you, sadness clear in his eyes. “It’ll be…it’ll be okay. It has to be.”
“It has to be,” you agree.
With determination, he purses his lips and nods.
You both sit awkwardly on the couch in silence.
“I guess…we’re stuck here for the time being.” You say.
“Yup.”
“I’m so sorry.”
“No, it’s not your fault. I-this is weird, right? I don’t know you.”
“Yeah, I don’t know you.”
“I’m not a molester, or a rapist, or something.”
“I-yeah, that’s what you’ve said. Neither am I.”
“I didn’t think so.”
You sit there. Clear your throat. Look over at him. He is so attractive, you almost forget until you look directly at him, and you’re stunned all over again. How is someone so good looking so normal?
“Do you have any skills?” He asks.
“Skills?”
“If this is a zombie apocalypse, do you have any skills? Like are you a…sniper, or…uh…”
You shake your head. “No, but if you’re right, I’m fucked.” You think. “I can cook? I can camp? I can start a fire with a lighter.”
He laughs a little. “A lighter? Don’t tell anyone around here, I’ll have to fight them for your company.”
He is so…especially when he laughs. “Do you have any skills?”
“I’m a computer hacker and a ladies man. Does that count?” He says it with a straight face. The ladies’ man you can see.
“Can you hack the mainframe? You know…uh, firewalls and encrypting…stuff.”
“Amateur hour. Especially because I don’t know what firewalls are.”
“Let’s hope this really does only last a couple of days. I don’t know if we can hack it in the apocalypse.”
“Oh that’s terrible.” He seems a little more at ease. Standing up, he looks at you. “So…wife. Do you want to see what they gave us?”
You follow him into the kitchen. “How will your girlfriend feel about you being married? When she gets here, are we getting divorced?” There’s soap and towels and toothbrushes and toothpaste, basic things.
“How do you feel about polygamy? I know I just met you, but I feel like you’d make a great second wife.” He pulls out pancake mix and various canned food, bread.
“Second wife?” You peek into the box he’s looking through. “I don’t know. I feel like I’m main wife material.”
“It’s based on seniority,” he shrugs. “Why is there so much?” He looks over his shoulder at you. “If this is only a couple of days?”
“I don’t know. This has never happened to me before.”
“Of all the fake wives, I had to get the one who’s never been through an apocalypse.”
You smile sadly at him. “Hey, uh, thanks for being cool about this. I know this is weird. I-I’m a complete stranger to you, and I don’t think I would have even made it this far if you weren’t-if you didn’t come with me.” You feel your face get warm.
Taking a deep breath, he gives you a smile. “Thank you. If you didn’t leave, I’d probably still be there waiting-probably turn into one of those…things, or been eaten, or something. So…yeah.” He turns back to the box-his own ears are red.
“Why did you decide to come?”
“Why?” He busies himself reading labels. “Oh, you know. We weren’t moving at all and it was-hey, are you hungry?”
You blink. “Uh, I don’t know. I’ll cook, if you want.”
“Yeah?” He raises his eyebrows. “This being married business is great already. Hiyyih cooks a little.”
“Well then, I’ll do it until she gets here.”
He stops and eyes you. “Are you going to poison me?”
“I’m not now that you’ve just caught on.”
“Are you one of those people that say they can cook, but really can’t?”
“I guess you’ll find out.” You move to wash your hands and are a little surprised when he joins you at the sink. He’s so tall and for some reason, you blush. “I-do you not trust me?” You look up at him right next to you. He’s smiling slightly, and you can see those dimples again.
Making a face, he shakes his head and you laugh.
This is the scariest, strangest thing you’ve ever been through with only some random guy you met. You toss and turn and realize you can’t sleep. You move the chair wedged under the doorknob and peek out. It was his suggestion, and you took it. Just because he’s handsome and nice and funny, doesn’t mean he couldn’t be a serial killer.
You tip toe around and see him sprawled out on the couch, too tall for it. You feel bad. He should have the bed. You’d fit on the couch just fine.
Quietly going out the front door, you stand outside the entrance and just look around. It’s sometime in the middle of the night, and it’s quiet. You pull your phone out and there’s still no service-still nothing.
It’s hard not to panic. But people are displaced all the time. You think back on your house, and how it probably doesn’t even exist anymore, and that causes you pause. If whatever this sickness is, is handled quick enough, you have to figure out insurance and all that shit. Who pays when the government is the one who set your house on fire?
There’s so much up in the air, and no one is telling you anything, and you can’t get ahold of anyone-and great, now you’re crying. Because you’re scared.
You take a deep breath and dig out a cigarette, but realize you shouldn’t smoke here, so you start wandering off to somewhere away from everyone. You find a corner at the far end, and you stare past the hastily erected chain link fence with razor wire. It’s for your protection, you were told, and you’re just looking out when you hear voices.
Far off from the parking lot, there’s people in a group-Army? Marines? You don’t know, but you watch as a man attacks another and after a scuffle, you see muzzle flashes of a gun and you flinch.
Someone was just shot in front of you.
Someone was just shot in front of you.
There’s more, though. A whole line of people you can barely see in the dark. And in a row, you watch them all collapse. The cigarette falls from your fingertips.
Maybe…maybe you shouldn’t have seen that. With wide eyes, you move slowly, mechanically back to the trailer.
People were just killed. People were just shot dead. In a parking lot of the county fairgrounds.
“Hey-I can’t sleep. And I thought you just left. I got worried.”
You blink and look up. Soobin is standing outside, arms crossed. You hadn’t realized you made it all the way back “Sorry. What-what?”
“I can’t sleep. How is anyone supposed to?” He breathes deep and tilts his head. “You okay?”
“I…I don’t know. I just saw people get shot.”
“What?” He whispers in disbelief. “What do you mean?”
“There was a line of people,” you mumble, “and they just…got shot. In the parking lot.”
“I didn’t hear anything.”
“It was quiet, but I could see the flashing, you know, and they fell.”
“I think I need to leave-I need to get out of here. I don’t like this.”
You’re starting to cry again. You look around you. “I don’t want to be here, either.”
“Then how about we talk to whoever is in charge tomorrow morning? I bet we could reason our way out of here.”
You just nod and feel an arm around you.
“You sure you’re okay?”
“I’ve never seen anyone die like that before. I’ve never…”
He hugs you fully now, and you take comfort in it. You’re lucky you found such a nice person-how would you navigate this on your own?
November 16
You can’t leave. None of you can. It’s for your safety.
Instead, you both ask about people you know. Nobody either of you asked about made it here.
You don’t speak to each other much. You stay on one side of the trailer, and him the other. You try to think of this as a roommate situation.
November 19
You offer to cook, and he eats. There isn’t much else to do. You talk a little more.
It eases into something more comfortable. You and Soobin get along. You’re not nervous around him, considering you’re sharing a trailer with a man you’ve only met a few days ago. There’s more conversation and things aren’t as awkward. He’s quiet and so are you, and even just sitting in silence in the same room is easy.
You’ve started to accept that it’ll be more than a couple of days, and so has Soobin
You don’t know if it’s a good or bad thing.
November 20
There’s a meeting in the old horse arena as per the flyer attached to your door.
Yes, the government is working around the clock to fix this. Yes, Internet and phone service is priority, and no, the government is not intentionally stifling the flow of information. No, it’s not terrorists. No, there’s no vaccine. The city has been neutralized as a precaution and citizens will be compensated. No, there’s no timeline in which you may return to your homes assuming it still stands. There are other sites such as this that may contain family members and loved ones, but no, there’s no way to check as of now. There are volunteer opportunities if residents wish to participate depending on education and background.
As it is known at the moment, the rest of the world is facing the same predicament and various world leaders are handling the situation as they deem fit.
Patience is appreciated and no, you may not leave.
November 23
You have neighbors. Nice neighbors. Really old neighbors that like to talk.
You walk up to find Soobin talking to the husband.
“…when I was in Korea….”
“Ah. Yeah.” Soobin nods politely. He catches your eye as you make for the door. He blinks once.
You bite down a smile and clear your throat. “Uh, honey. Dinner is…ready.” Threading your arm through his, you nod to the old man. “Sorry to pull you away, but we…don’t want it to get cold.”
“Oh my yes.” The man says, smiling with nearly no teeth. “Happy wife, happy life. I won’t keep you, Lord knows the missus gives me endless grief over bein’ late. Dinner at six sharp. Every night. You’d think after fifty-four years dinner can be late once, but no. Not even in this prison-‘cause that what this is, I tell you. For our safety, pah. When I was in Korea-”
“Maybe we can have dinner together?” You say brightly. “Once of these days.”
“Oh my yes. The missus’d like it. Since our boys are grown, company is slim.”
“Well…” You tug Soobin lightly, “sorry, but dinners on the table. Have a good night.” You pull him then, as he gives a polite wave.
“Sorry.” You give him a hesitant look once inside. “I didn’t-”
“Aw. There’s no dinner. I thought you said there was.”
For a second, you think he’s joking, but he looks so sad. “Yeah, oh, I just said it because I know how long winded he can be.”
“I’m so disappointed right now.” He slumps and you shake your head at how unbelievably cute he is.
“I’ll start some right now, if you want. Do you want to have dinner together?”
“Yes,” he answers in a petulant manner, and you’re so confused as to why.
“O-okay, I didn’t want to assume. We don’t have to just because we’re stuck together.” You want to make it clear that you don’t have any…expectations or to come across as…you don’t know.
“We’ve been friends for days. Of course I do.”
November 27
There’s nothing to do. There’s nothing to do except sit and think and wonder when you’ll be able to leave.
You’ve only brought a couple of changes of clothes and your makeup bag and nothing of use here. It’s like you packed for a weekend with a boyfriend-not whatever the hell is going on now.
“…no, I’ve only ever watched like, Full Metal Alchemist. Ghibli, stuff like that.” You say, dodging kids running past. You're both trying to find the donation building, for lack of anything else to do.
“Do you know how much good anime there is out there? Once this shit is all over, promise me you’ll watch-I’ve got a whole list of recommendations.”
You laugh lightly. “Sure, we’ll spend a weekend binging.”
He stops and grabs you. “You promise?”
“I-uh, yeah-”
“Okay, you literally just promised me.” He looks you in the eye. “You and me are going to spend an entire weekend doing nothing but that. You just said you would.”
“I did. My house or yours? Well…I guess if I still have one.”
He sighs. “Okay, well…we’ll think of something. Oh! And we’ll order food, too. What’s your favorite? Anything in the world?”
You think. “Anything, really.”
“That is why we’re friends.” He nudges you along. “I’ll eat anything.”
“I’ve noticed. That’s good, though. It’s not like we have much choice around here.”
“No shit. My friend Beomgyu drives me fucking crazy when we go out. He’s such a picky bitch.”
“Then I hope he isn’t in one of these places.”
He gets quiet then, and hangs his head. Missing his friends and family, just like you. “You’ll, uh, meet him. Hiyyih, too. You’ll like her.”
You’re touched. Touched he assumes you’ll be friends after all of this and things go back to normal. You ignore that tiny bit of jealousy you feel when he mentions his girlfriend, though.
“I’m sure I will,” you smile. Anyone Soobin has around him are probably really good people, too. You can’t imagine him being friends or dating someone who’s an asshole.
You’re both doing the best you can, and had an unspoken rule to stick together simply because you arrived here together. But that is at least okay-the more you get to know him, the more you like him.
The donations are in an old, small expo building. There’s piles of clothes and books and board games and DVDs. You wished you came sooner-you could have at least read the books.
“Oh,” Soobin says, lifting up a game. “Wanna play?”
You shrug and grab a couple of books. When you turn around, his arms are a stack of puzzles and games. Enough to last an apocalypse. “We’ll be entertained for months.”
December 3
You make food and sit across from him at the coffee table, helping with a puzzle. It’s a quaint farmhouse in a field of poppies.
By the time you’re yawning, it’s been hours and only a quarter is put together. “What time is it?”
Glancing at his watch, he yawns too. “Midnight. Oh, it’s the third. In two days, it’ll be my birthday.”
“Really? Happy birthday,” you smile. “Sorry it’s…here.”
“Eh,” he shrugs. “It’s no big deal.” But it feels like it is. To you, anyway. He gets up off the floor, and you watch as he goes into the bathroom to wash up. You’ve only known this guy for a couple of weeks, but he has a routine that you know by now.
Sighing, you look at the closed door and think.
December 5
You get up early and wash up, then peek at the couch where he’s still sleeping, and you smile. It’s his birthday, and you managed to wrangle some stuff that…isn’t super special, by any means, but you wanted to do something for him.
Sneaking outside and next door you talk to the elderly wife of the toothless guy where you kept his surprise, and as carefully as you can, bring what you have inside, carefully balanced. Looking over your shoulder, he’s still sleeping.
When you’re finished, you’re too excited and wait eagerly for him to wake up. You try reading one of the books you got when you hear him shuffling around. Darting out of the kitchen, you see him rubbing his eyes, sitting up.
“Happy birthday.” You beam at him.
He’s still tired, but manages to smile. “Uh, thanks.”
“I have a surprise for you.” You bounce on your toes, and wave for him to join you in the kitchen.
He stops in the doorway. “Did…did you make me a cake?”
“I did. I know it isn’t-it’s probably not the best, but I really wanted to do something-” You’re swept up in a hug. He’s so big and you wrap your arms around him. You bury your face in his chest and he’s so…solid and strong. “I didn’t know what kind you like, so you may hate it, but you can lick the frosting, I guess. It was really hard to find powdered sugar and all that stuff…but happy birthday.”
The cake on the table is simple, from ingredients you had to scour the entire camp for. But you did it. And though he may just be being nice about it, you couldn’t let it go once you found out.
“Thank you,” he says softly.
Pulling away, you look up at him. You swallow when you see the look on his face-maybe he really does like it.
“But that’s not all.” Stepping away, you go into the bedroom and bring out a handful of DVDs and hold them up. It’s anime, you think. It’s Japanese animation for certain, though you don’t know if they’re any good or if he even likes these, but you tried your best. “If you’re not busy today,” you joke, “we can start that marathon.”
“Oh what?” He says excitedly, going through them. “Where did you find these? I didn’t see these there.”
“You didn’t look hard enough.” You found them buried underneath old westerns and foreign films and documentaries.
Smiling, he pulls you to him and kisses your cheek. You smile shyly back. “I still don’t know you all that well, but…” you get quiet, “I really meant it when I said I probably wouldn’t have made it here without you. It’s the best I could do. So, next year, I promise I’ll get you something good.” You say it, even though you really don’t know if you’ll know him next year. He’ll probably be a married man, too busy to spend time with some random girl he met in traffic.
“I’m going to get you…” he narrows his eyes, “something so great for your birthday, it’ll never be topped. Years from now, you’ll say that Soobin Choi is so thoughtful and the best gift giver I’ve ever known.”
“I’ll hold you to it.”
You have cake for breakfast, and as promised, spend the day watching whatever Soobin wants. You sit on the couch for hours, pausing to make food that isn’t cake. He joins you in the kitchen and it feels normal and you realize you may have a crush on him.
Just a small one-how can you not?
After you’ve exhausted all the DVDs, you still talk into the night, showing each other pictures on your phones. Soobin’s girlfriend is beautiful, and the crush you have on him feels ridiculous. She’s gorgeous-and so are his friends.
“Your friends are so good looking.”
He makes a face at you. “Are they?”
“Any of them single?”
Flinching, he glares. “No.”
“Damn, okay,” you laugh. “Thought maybe you could do me a solid and introduce me.” You get up and bring the dishes with you into the kitchen.
He brings the rest of the cake in, too. It’s satisfying to see he ate literally more than half. “You’re my friend.” He says. “You’re too pretty…just…no.”
You roll your eyes, unsure why he’s said that, because it’s not remotely true. “No, who’s pretty is your girlfriend. If I swung that way, I’d ask her to marry me too.”
“So…hold on.” He puts his hands on his hips. “Have you tried swinging that way? I don’t know about Hiyyih, but listen…sexuality is on a spectrum, right? That’s what I heard, I think. I don’t really know what that means, but listen. Consider this. What if,” he raises his eyebrows, “maybe a bottle of wine, or two? I wouldn’t even join, I’d just watch-wait-that sounds-but what if it’s really the end of the world? For real? Then, you’d both want to go out with a bang, right? Like try things you’ve never tried before. Now, I’m just saying that as a spectator. But I think you should consider thinking about it. For you. For me.”
You look at him in disbelief. “You want me to sleep with your girlfriend?”
“No. No sleeping involved.”
It doesn’t matter how thoughtful and kind and sweet Soobin is, he’s still a guy. You laugh then. Loud, long, and he stands there.
“I’m so glad I met you,” you say, wiping the tears from your eyes.
Hands still on his hips, he gives you an affectionate smile. “I’m glad I met you.”
Without thinking, you hug him, chuckling. “Happy birthday.” Getting on your toes, you kiss his cheek, and he hugs back so tightly, you’re off your feet.
What you don’t know right now is that Soobin will say it was the best birthday he’s had.
December 8
You stand, frozen.
“Holy shit, I’m so sorry.” Soobin blinks before slamming the bathroom door shut.
Eyes wide, you stand there. You were putting a towel on. He just…you’re going to die of embarrassment.
Tiptoeing back to the bedroom, you bury your face in your hands. You should probably just keel over and die. Right now.
December 9
He can’t look at you without turning a bright shade of red. It makes it hard to focus on the game in front of the two of you, when you know that every time he looks at you, he knows what you look like naked.
“Do you want to see me naked?” He asks suddenly.
You tilt your head. “Uh…”
“It’s only fair, right? That…” He clears his throat. “Because I feel as though this is very…lopsided.”
He’s so cute. “Sure.” You smile, knowing it’ll throw him for a loop. “That’s a great idea.” You scoot back, back against the couch, and look at him expectantly.
He freezes, eyes wide.
“I’m wondering if what I imagine is close to the real thing.” He’s so red, you can’t help but laugh a little.
Blinking, he stands up clumsily. “O-okay. It’s cold. You know, it’s winter. So…” Taking a deep breath, he starts to pull up his sweater.
“Don’t-it’s okay. I’m just kidding.” You are, but to be fair, you are curious. His chest is so solid, you do wonder if it looks as good as it feels. But he has a girlfriend-an almost fiancé. And he’s just offering to make you feel better. “Sit down.”
“No.” He says with grim determination, not looking at you. “I-this is fair.” You watch with wide eyes as his sweater and t-shirt are off and on the floor, and yes. Yes, his chest, his abs are-
“Stop,” you exclaim, when he starts to unbuckle his belt. You’re red, now. “I-that’s-you don’t need to…we’re even.” You wonder if this is considered cheating? Is it? He doesn’t look like he’d-you aren’t doing anything, you’re just looking. Oh, you’re still looking. You close your eyes. “We’re even. I don’t think, uh, your girlfriend would appreciate me…seeing the goods.”
“She’ll understand-“
“It’s not necessary, really.” You say loudly.
“Oh thank god.” You hear him sit back down and look at him again. Even his neck is red.
“Can we forget this happened? All of it?”
“Yes. Yes, absolutely.”
“Can you put your shirt back on?”
“Yes. Yes, absolutely.”
December 10
He’s talking about Bahiyyih. Non-stop. It’s cute at first, but it’s a little irritating now. Yes, you’re sure she’s pretty and perfect and whatever else. Yes, you wish she was here, too. Yes, you’re sure she makes rice perfectly. Yes, yes, yes.
It’s been going on all day.
“Soobin,” you say with as much patience as you can muster, “it’s hard to hear about your perfect relationship when I’ve been single for…a long time. And it doesn’t look like it’ll change soon unless you know of a good looking, smart, single guy here. So, please, can you…tone it down a little?”
“Oh. Yeah. Sorry. I guess I just miss her.” He still isn’t really looking at you.
And now you feel bad. “No, I’m sorry. I like hearing about your life and stuff. Maybe I’m just having an off day. And, I don’t know. There are military guys here. I should just go talk to them, or something. Sorry.”
“You can’t go talk to random Army guys.”
“Why not? There’s bound to be a single one. A few are young and good looking.” You shrug. Maybe you will. It’ll at least pass the time.
“That’s an incredibly stupid idea.”
“What? What are you talking about?”
“You don’t know them.”
“I don’t know you.”
“Yes, you do. You literally know all there is to know.”
“Okay, well…you don’t know me.”
“Yes, I do.”
You suppose he’s right. Sort of. “Why…why do you care?”
“Because you’re my friend. That I know.” He looks pointedly at you. “And because…things are shit right now. The whole world has gone like fucking crazy and you’re a pretty, single girl. I need to look out for you, okay?”
You’ll do what you want anyway, but it’s nice, having someone look out for you.
“Fine. But that means I have to look after you, too.”
December 17
Something happens. Someone got sick inside this camp you’re in, and so did a dozen other people, and you watched as they get shot, but still don’t die. Soobin drags you inside and locks the door and you both listen to screams and crying and shooting.
“That one guy,” Soobin says quietly, sitting on the bed next to you, “in the yellow shirt? That was the cop that drove us here. I just talked to him. Like…two hours ago, and now he’s…dead. He turned into a-one of those walking-”
“You can say zombies,” you try being lighthearted. “That’s what they are, right?”
“Zombies sounds so fucking stupid. That shit is for the movies. This is real life. They really are dead…but they’re not.”
It’s quiet outside now. But, you’re still terrified. You could have-Soobin could have been bitten.
“What are we going to do?”
“Stay here. Hope it all just ends as quick as possible.” He reaches over and holds your hand and you lay on his shoulder.
“What if it doesn’t? End?”
“It will. It has to.”
December 20
“I have to try.”
“Of course you do.” You say, frowning. “You should.”
“What, uh…what are your plans?”
“Plans? I don’t have any. When I make it out? I guess…maybe make for my parent’s house? There isn’t anyone there, but I don’t know where else to go.”
“Would you,” he clears his throat, “would you-since you don’t have any plans-come with me? Maybe?” He seems hesitant.
“I…why? I don’t think I’ll be helpful at all.”
“Because I don’t want to go alone. Not that that is the reason I’m asking, but because we’re friends, right? Once we find Hiyyih, we can go or do whatever you want.”
You get teary eyed. He is your friend. “Are you sure? You don’t think I’ll get in your way? Or slow you down?”
He glares. “What? No. I want you to come. I had all sorts of arguments ready to convince you. If the rest of everywhere is like this, it’s better to stay together. I told you I’d look out for you.”
December 21
You volunteer to hang out with the kids and do painting and clay and read to them, spend time with the medics, learning useful stuff. It’s satisfying to do something other than rewatch the same DVDs and play Uno with Soobin.
Soobin’s on some sort of amateur security guard group. Half the military that was stationed where you are left, leaving a handful to keep watch. It’s weird. Like a militia. Even the old tooth guy joins.
“It’s cool. I got to mess with a Taser,” he tells you over dinner. “There’s shit like compound bows and crossbows, and I really want to play with those.”
“I got to hold babies and dress wounds.”
“It’d be funny to have a baby shoot a crossbow. Like a tiny one.”
You laugh. “Oh, I washed your sweaters. They’re hanging up.”
“Thanks. It’s fucking cold. Christmas is like, a few days away. Ugh. I can’t believe it’s almost here, we’ve been here forever.”
“We were told another couple of weeks, right? How much longer does putting infrastructure back together take? How bad could it be? It’s not like we were attacked. The physical shit should still be there. This is the longest I’ve gone without being online.”
“My friend Taehyun would know. He’s an engineer. He’d fucking talk your ear off about it.” He takes a huge bite. “This is good.”
“Is he in the pictures you showed me?”
“Yeah.”
“Is he the one with the longer hair, because,” you lift your eyebrows, “he is…very, very-”
He stops. “No. And no.”
You roll your eyes.
December 25
It snows on Christmas. The old woman next to you bakes cookies as a gift, and in return you help her with laundry. Help with dishes. Set aside medications in neat little partitions with the days of the week etched on top.
You sit in the bedroom and stare out the window and he stands in the doorway. You’ve been quiet today, and it’s probably from the holidays that don’t really mean much here. He knows where he’d be, but he wonders what you’re missing right now.
It would have been today that he wanted to propose. Take Hiyyih out somewhere pretty and get on one knee in the snow. He hopes she’s safe and warm with Kai. That they’re together. It’s hard to think about, so he stands here, looking at you silently. He pictures you at the mall with shopping bags, coffee cup in hand. Walking along the city streets with snow falling on your cheeks. Just a pretty girl all bundled up.
He didn’t know what to do for you. Whatever he thought of wasn’t enough. You’ve helped him keep his cool, keep reasonable when all he wanted to do was freak the fuck out. You celebrated his birthday-a guy you hardly know-because you’re the sweetest thing ever. So sweet and pretty.
He woke up that morning ready to cry. Not because his birthday, really, but because he thought of all the birthdays he’s had, and there was the sinking feeling that nothing will ever be the same. He wasn’t going to go out and get drunk with his friends. Hiyyih wasn’t going to wear some little lacy number and climb into bed with him.
And if he’s being honest-really honest with himself, he doesn’t think those things will ever happen again.
But you came in, smiling, bouncy, excited. He almost cried again, because what he said meant something to you. Meant enough to you that all that time talking and being stuck together, you listened. He almost cried because you made him feel as if he was important to you, when he has nobody here to care.
He’s here for you, like you’re here for him. As long as you’re both here, that’s how it’ll be. Even…even when they get out. He’s so used to your presence already. So used to your voice. So used to you. Even off in different rooms, not talking, he takes comfort in knowing you’re there.
Knocking lightly, you turn and smile softly. How lovely.
He sighs. “I know this probably isn’t the best Christmas gift, but...”
When you stand, he hands you two books he found. Nabokov’s Pale Fire and The Little Prince. “Uh, I just thought that first one had a cool title, but I always loved the second one.” He clears his throat. “You read, so…I’m holding out for your birthday to get you something really good.” He searched for anything you might like-you read anything from what he’s seen. But it’s true, the second book…his mom used to…
You look down at them in your hands. “Thank you.” You say quietly. Reaching out, you hug him, arms around his shoulders and he hugs back. After a moment, you look at him with big, shiny eyes.
“Thank you for everything. Thank you for being so good and for being here with me.” You take a deep breath. “You’ve made this not so scary.” Your voice is heavy and all he can think of is how he needs to be the one thanking you.
He looks at you, eyes roaming your face. Hiyyih is taller, but he’s used to you now. How small you are. When you hug him, he just wants to squeeze you, carry you around, hold you all the time. He has to protect you.
“You’re welcome.” He whispers. There’s stirring in him, his heart skipping a beat. “Thanks for letting me come with you.”
“Merry Christmas,” you smile and kiss his cheek, and when you move away, he leans down and kisses yours, lips lingering. He can hear a shaky breath, and he realizes he’s too close.
“Uh,” you step away, cheeks pink. “I got you something, too, but it’s not as thoughtful.”
You seem bashful for some reason, and he watches you look under the bed, and hand a box to him. “Since you’re outside on watch, it’s better than those sneakers. It’s fucking freezing, and I don’t want to amputate a toe.”
It’s a pair of Army boots in his size. It’s the most useful, thoughtful thing ever. You actually checked his shoe size. He doesn’t know what to say, so he sits on the edge of the bed and tries them on.
“Did they teach you that? How to amputate?”
“Yeah, but I don’t want to have to utilize that knowledge, so please wear them. I know they’re not exactly stylish.”
“You fucking kidding me?” He stands and hugs you. “I’m going to kick ass in these.”
December 28
“Unnnng…” He steps through the door, feet dragging.
“I wondered when you’d be done.” You say, pouring coffee, watching him unlace his boots and lay his head on the kitchen table.
“I hate doing watch at night. It’s so boring. And dark. And cold. I hate it.”
“I feel protected though.” You do, but you also feel guilty that you’re cozy under the covers in the cold winter night, while he’s walking around the fence line with a rifle. You set the coffee next to his head. “Are you hungry?”
“Mmhm.” He mutters, lifting his head and he does look exhausted. You set a plate down and squeeze his shoulder.
“Take the bed.” You start putting your own boots on. “I’ll be back later.”
“Where are you going?”
“Medic tent. All the kids…they’re parents don’t want them out of their sight, so…learning how to set a sprain is how I get to spend my time.”
“Wake me up when you’re home, I don’t want to sleep all day.”
“You should.” You put your coat on.
“I don’t want to. I’ll make dinner tonight.”
“Yeah? I’m here for it.” Setting stuff in the sink, you grab the pan off the stove and spoon the rest of what’s in it on his plate. He reaches out then and hugs your waist to him. “Eat and go to bed. I’ll wake you up when I get home.”
December 31-January 1
It’s New Year’s Eve, and the old man next door slips him a fifth of vodka.
You play cards and take sips and near midnight, you take a walk around the camp, watching others celebrate in their own way. There isn’t many people out, but maybe because there isn’t much to celebrate right now.
You light a cigarette and talk about past New Years, and it makes him miss Hiyyih that much more. He feels bad then, walking with you. He’s thinking about her less and less when they haven’t even been apart that long. He vows to never leave her side when he finds her. Make sure she’s with him every moment of every day. Make up for not thinking about her as much as he should.
He loves her. Being with you doesn’t change that, and he can’t blame you for being where he is, for being with you.
The whole reason he’s alive is because you looked like you were nice, and he didn’t want you to walk alone. That’s it. Those were the reasons, and not any other. Not because you were beautiful and brave enough to leave the freeway alone.
It’s because of you he’s here now, no matter what his reasons were.
“Oh, I guess it’s almost time.” You say.
The both of you are standing on the top step of the trailer, looking out. He can hear a couple of people some rows over start counting down from ten.
You hand him the fifth, and he listens, looking at you as he takes a drink and hands it back. You finish it and sigh.
“…3…2…1…”
“Happy New Year,” you say softly with your pink cheeks and pink nose.
Instead of saying it back, he presses a soft kiss to your lips.
His hands are on your waist and your cold hands are on his face, and you kiss him back. It’s closed lipped, innocent, genuine. You’re here, and you’re his friend, and you’re making this bearable. It’s easier for him to do this, than to tell you.
You look at him, shy and cute.
“Happy New Year.” He says, hands still on you.
“This year, it’ll all be okay.”
“This year, it’ll all be okay.”
January 4
You’re sort of in love with him. In an innocent way. You tell yourself it’s because of what’s going on, that you’re stuck together, and that’s all it is. That’s what it has to be.
It’s easy to be with him. It didn’t take long for you to grow fond of him, and now that fondness has turned into something more, and you push it down-try to ignore it. You have no right to feel this way about someone who is already taken, and that thought ensures you never question how he feels about you.
Because there are times when you think he-but it’s wishful thinking, it’s seeing things that aren’t there. Misinterpretation that can’t be helped when you live practically on top of each other.
His girlfriend is out there somewhere, and he’ll find her. You’ll even help him.
January 7
He climbs into the bed while you’re still in it. It’s a cold morning and since you two have different schedules, he sleeps in here too, instead of the couch. There’s only been a couple of times he’s came in while you’re still in it in the morning, but he doesn’t care and neither do you. It’s actually better when you’re in it because you’re so warm.
“Oh,” you murmur. “Good morning-er good night.” You start shifting to get out when he sighs and pulls you to him.
A cold realization hits him just then and he releases you. He was going to kiss you-he was going to nuzzle your neck and kiss you and that is not what he-
You get out, not noticing his panic and he lays there, frozen until you leave. Hopping up, he finds his phone where it’s been sitting on the kitchen counter off and on for weeks now and scrolls through his pictures. He finds ones of Hiyyih and sniffs. He’s so sorry. He’s so incredibly sorry. He doesn’t-he loves her. More than anything, more than anyone, and he didn’t mean it.
He didn’t mean to-you’re just there and you’re his friend and that’s all. It’s just comfortable and you’re just…you. And okay, if he’s being mature and honest, he likes you. Likes you, likes you. But that’s just because you’re here. And you’re great.
You’re great, which is why he had never questioned staying here with you once he understood he had no other choice. His small, tiny hesitation with Hiyyih and the proposal and the moving in together is different. That’s by choice. This isn’t.
Once he knew he couldn’t leave it was easy to be with you. It’d be easy to be with you anyway, really. You’re the perfect roommate that just happens to be pretty and nice and great and that he’s seen naked. And it isn’t just your face that’s beautiful, the rest of you is, too. You’re like this perfect-
His dick is hard because he’s thinking about you and your hips and your waist and your breasts are…he wants to…he wants to do nothing. He clamps his eyes shut and takes a deep breath, and when he opens them again, he sees a photo of Bahiyyih and Kai on barstools and he’s such a piece of shit.
January 9
“What’s wrong?” You ask.
He shakes his head, and you raise an eyebrow. He’s been quiet, like when he saw you naked.
“What’s wrong?” You know something is wrong, but you don’t know what. It kind of hurts that he isn’t telling you.
You go to bed then and listen to him leave for watch.
Tossing around a little, it bothers you enough that you get up and heat water. Make what’s left of cocoa.
Stepping out, you realize just how fucking cold it is. It stopped snowing and all that’s left is dirty, hardened snow. Making your way around the edge of camp, you take careful steps.
At the far end, you see him, back to you, staring out the chain link fence. You stop and just look at him. There’s something about the way he’s just standing there that makes your throat tight. What a good guy, watching over all of them in the dark.
“Hey,” you say quietly walking up.
He turns and when you look at him, you wonder if you really are actually in love with him.
“Brought you something.” You hold out the cocoa, and he looks down at it, slowly reaching. “Uh, I won’t keep you.”
“Stay.”
The way he says it is strange, but you can’t say how. Slowly, you stand next to him, looking out too.
“What’s wrong?” You decide to ask again.
He’s quiet for a long time. “I don’t know who I am anymore.”
You look up at him frowning, but he’s still staring ahead.
“Neither do I,” you tell him honestly.
“Where’s our place in the world?”
“I don’t know. I don’t know what’s left of the world.”
His free hand takes yours.
“What…what do we do now?”
“The best we can.”
“What if I don’t know what that is?”
“We’ll figure it out, then. Together.”
“Together?” He asks quietly and finally looks at you. “You and me?”
You inhale the sharp winter air. “Yeah. I’m here.”
Feeling him squeeze, he takes his own deep breath. “We’ll figure it out together. You and me.”
You can almost feel his shoulders relax. Whatever was bothering him might still be, but at least it’s somewhat better. Whatever happens, you’ll figure it out together.
January 16
Things start falling apart. The people here are sullen, are contemptuous. Where once there were hundreds of people, there’s less than eighty now.
They’ve died or snuck out. He isn’t sure. He wants to leave-wants you to leave with him, but he’s scared. He’s terrified of what he’ll find out there. When he goes on watch, he hears the Army guys whisper to each other, hears the rumors, the stories.
January 21
They’re told there’s a flu going around.
The tent and the two medics are overburdened and overwhelmed, and you’re spending all your time helping.
The rigidity of the rules seems to be slipping. Every day there seem to be less and less military personnel, and he has no idea if they’re being sent elsewhere, or are just abandoning post.
The next meeting is only a third of what it was at the start, and you sit with him, exhausted.
There’s nothing to worry about, the timeline in which they have to stay has been extended. Please continue living as you would normally, and there are still plenty of opportunities to help in their new found community.
January 24
You’ve been gone working in the medic tent for almost two days straight and as far as he knows, you haven’t really eaten or slept.
He’s worried and he’s pissed off. You aren’t a doctor or a nurse, and they shouldn’t be relying on you this much. Frustrated, he goes to find you.
“That’s my wife in there.” He barks at someone standing guard outside.
He’s told this is for authorized personnel only and he tries to explain you aren’t authorized personnel, but he’s told that unless he’s injured or has been in contact with one of the infected, he’s not come onto the premises for his safety.
Why wouldn’t he be able to? What’s going on in there, that he’s not allowed? They better not be-you better be okay in there. What if it’s something contagious? What if it’s-in frustration, he stomps away.
He pulls you into a hug the second you walk in the door. “I heard my husband was looking for me,” you say tiredly, taking off your mask.
When he gets a good look at you, he can tell you’ve been crying. “What is going on in there?”
“People are dying.” You say. “Fourteen people in two days. It isn’t the flu, Soobin. They’re turning.”
He stares at you in disbelief.
“One of the Army women came in from out there and she…bit…” You wipe your face and fall heavily onto the couch. “A woman…got her…baby. He was so small.”
“Why didn’t they say anything?” He sits next to you and gathers you in his arms.
“Panic? I …I don’t know but, they’ve given up trying to save them. They can’t be saved.” You look at him. “I heard…what we saw? When we came here? It’s all like that. All of it. Everywhere. The looting, the fires…the…it’s all gone.”
A cold wave of fear keeps him frozen in place, and he just watches you cry. He knows what you’re saying. He’s heard it too. He understands, but has to ask. “What do you mean, it’s all gone?”
“Everything. There’s no cops, there’s no help, there’s no fucking… there’s no anything.” You look at him, then. “This is the best place we could be. We got lucky.”
He gets up then, and sits in the bathroom and cries.
February 1
He helps dig graves and you help where you can.
The electricity starts blinking on and off, and you’re all told it’s to be rationed for certain times of the day.
There’s a candle lighting the living room, and you’re both sitting, reading. You put the book down suddenly.
“I’m scared.” You’re more than scared, but can’t articulate how you really feel.
He looks over at you, then sets his own book down. Sitting next to you, he sighs and hugs you.
“I am too.”
February 9
“Eat first.” You tell him that morning.
Scrubbing a hand over his face, he sits heavily at the table. “You’re not with the medics.”
“Everyone is dead.”
He doesn’t know what to say about that. “Come with me. We don’t see each other at all.”
“You want me to stand watch?”
“You see as good as anyone else.”
You shrug. “Sure.”
They hand you a crossbow with no explanation.
“This is heavy. How do you even…I can’t believe they’re just handing out weapons. Like what qualifications do I have?”
“You saw how many people are left.” He takes it from you and gives you the best rundown he can.
“If we need to shoot something, can we trade?” You look at him doubtfully.
“It’s half the size you are.” He smiles.
“Yeah, so can we trade if we have to shoot something?”
“What’s there to shoot?”
“The…dead…that are reanimated and walk around.”
“Zombies?”
You stop and look at him. “It’s not so scary if I call them that. They’re just walking…walkers.”
You go around with him, and you realize you both don’t really talk about before you got here anymore. You know each other well enough, know each other’s stories. Now it’s just gossip about the people around you.
“I don’t like the guy that lives in that one,” he tells you, eyeing a trailer at the end. It’s just some guy you haven’t ever talked to.
“Why?”
“I don’t like the way he looks.”
“Like physically?”
“Like he just-the way he looks at me-at you. I don’t like it.”
“Okay. Then I don’t like him either.”
“Good. Don’t.”
You huff out a laugh. You trust him and his vibe check. He’s perfectly friendly to everyone, but you notice he doesn’t talk to many people if he doesn’t have to. You tried, at first, but the longer this goes on, the more you find yourself keeping to yourself. The life you have is insular now.
The longer this goes on, the more people are fearful, wary.
February 14
There are gunshots so close, it wakes the both of you up.
The old couple next door are dead. He shot her and then himself.
He watches you sit looking out the window again, like on Christmas. This time, he doesn’t say anything and sits next to you and holds your hand.
“They were together for so long.” You murmur. “Maybe they lost hope.”
“Maybe.” He stares, too. “Or maybe…they wanted to go on their own terms. If it really is…if everything really is gone, then they knew they couldn’t survive it-maybe they didn’t want to.”
“When you find her, I hope you’re together-that you’ll be like that.”
He nods, though there isn’t much hope. If it’s all true, he probably won’t ever find her. It’s been…months. If she isn’t in a place like this, he isn’t certain she’s even still…
“Me too.”
“You will.” You take a deep breath. “I still have hope. I have to.”
That’s one thing he loves about you. That you can still have hope. That through all of this you try to believe.
February 28
It’s a day where neither of you do anything. It’s raining and grey. You use the time they have electricity to do laundry and he helps. You both do the dishes, make the bed.
You both stand under the eave while you smoke and he just stands here with you while dusk falls.
After, you both make dinner.
When it’s time for bed you tell him to just sleep in the bed with you.
“I won’t try anything.” You say, brushing your teeth by candlelight.
“That’s good, I’m too tired to ninja kick you.”
You laugh.
March 4
“Gin.”
“What? You cheater,” you smile. “You totally-”
“Totally great at this? I know.”
“I can tell you cheated.”
“Me? How?”
Narrowing your eyes you lean forward, over the table. “Look me in the eye, and tell me you didn’t.”
He leans forward, not even an inch away. “I. Did not. Cheat.”
“Liar,” you laugh. “You always look like that when you lie. You do this,” you blink once, “when you do.”
He gives you a confused look, hiding a smile. “No, I don’t think so.” He sits back.
You cross your arms, pouting. “I’m not gonna play with you anymore. I don’t want to play with a cheater, you cheater.”
“You don’t have any other choice. You’re stuck with me forever. We’re married.”
You gasp. “So my husband’s a cheater?”
“I cheated…at you…not on you.” He blinks at his own logic.
“Aha! You admit it.” You get on your knees and point a finger. Crawling around the table, you sit in front of him on the floor. “Show me. Where are you hiding…” You start patting him down as he tries to bat you away. You stick a hand in his shirt pocket, not finding anything. He’s laughing so hard, he falls over backwards, and you use it to your advantage, shoving your hands awkwardly in his pants pockets. “I trusted you.”
He's still laughing and you roll him over checking his back pockets, when you feel something. It’s a card. Triumphantly, you hold it up.
“I knew it. I knew it-”
“You planted that there,” he says loudly, and tries to grab it, but you hold it close. “You’re trying to frame me.” Tackling you, he tickles you as you struggle to keep hold of the evidence.
“I don’t need to, cheater.” You’re having a hard time keeping it away from him, because you’re laughing so hard, you’re crying. All his weight is on you, and you try stretching your hand above your head, but he’s so tall, he easily reaches for it, and you feel it slip out of your fingers.
You’re struggling to catch your breath. “I knew you cheated.”
Shifting his weight to an elbow, he’s still on top of you as he raises his eyebrows. “You don’t have any proof.” He smiles down at you in satisfaction.
You smile back, and he’s so handsome and so close. So close, you look at him with wide eyes. He has the best lips you’ve ever seen on a man-those lips he’s kissed you with. You wonder if…
You catch his eye and you both look at each other, quiet now. You take a shaky breath, and you want him to kiss you again. Really kiss you. Because he’s…because it’s more than a crush. It’s more than that.
He’s not moving and neither are you, and the longer he’s looking at you like this, the harder it is to make yourself move. But you can’t move because he leans down then, and kisses you.
It’s only a gentle press of lips like before, but it lingers. It lingers too long, and you feel him inhale and then it’s more, his tongue touching the tip of yours-just the tip, like he’s testing the waters. Lips barely parted, you let him, too nervous, too…something to pull him to you like you want-like you need. Trembling a little, you breathe out and that’s when he dives into you.
You kiss back-deeper, firmer, one hand in his hair, the other up his shirt on the strong muscles of his back.
His own hand is on your waist, and you shiver at his touch when it slides down to the bend of your knee and he thrusts himself in between your legs and you forgot what it’s like to want someone so desperately. Feeling his warm tongue on the crook of your neck, you gasp.
But that’s when you hear a scream from outside.
Jerking up, he looks dazed, and he pulls you to your feet and pushes you behind him.
There’s gunshots now, rapid and close to where you are.
“Stay here.”
“No,” you grab his shirt and pull as he walks to the door. “No, don’t.”
Spinning around, he grabs your face in his hands. “Stay here, I’m going to go check it out.”
“No, it’s not safe.” It doesn’t matter what you say, because he’s out of your hands and throwing his boots on. “Please, don’t-just wait.” You watch, horrified as he throws a coat on.
“Stay here. Lock the door.”
You brush aside a tear you feel, and look helplessly at the door. There’s more shots, more screaming.
You haven’t moved at all, listening to the chaos, listening with an unsteady heart, until the door is flung open.
“We need to go.” He demands, running through the trailer, looking for both your bags, throwing things into them.
“What-” You grab him as he frantically darts around, trying to make him explain.
Wild look in his eyes, he stops and grips your shoulders. “It’s falling and we have to go.”
You trust him enough that you run into the bathroom, grabbing what you can find. “Go where?”
“Anywhere, it doesn’t-we need to get the fuck out of here. They’re everywhere. The walkers.” Throwing open the closet door, he yanks coats and sweaters out, throwing them at you. “They got in, we need to hurry-we need to go now.”
Hand in hand you run through the dead, through the people crying on the ground, through the bullets whizzing past you.
DAY 0
It’s all burning. All of it gone.
But what do you do now?
It’s getting dark and the smell of burning, of gas, of flesh, of gun smoke hangs heavy in the air. Your throat burns and your face burns and all the tears you’ve shed don’t wash any of it away. You can still smell it, still feel it, even after running as fast and as far as you could.
It’s almost dark and there’s nothing left.
There’s literally nothing left. There’s no people, and there’s no cars and when you end up on the outskirts of a tiny town, you realize there’s nothing left.
When you heard there was nothing, it was true. Life, all of it, gone.
Knocking on doors, there’s no one. One of the doors you knock on drifts open and you find a walker inside, eating someone, intestines fisted and crammed into its mouth.
Soobin grabs you by the hand, and you both back away.
After a few blocks, you both stand in the parking lot of a small grocery store. The windows are broken and there’s bodies of the dead just lying there.
Soobin murmurs. “It’s…it’s all like this.” He looks at you. “Isn’t it?”
You stand staring at a dead…not person anymore, but a dead body with a broken golf club handle sticking out of his head.
“I think it is,” you say, still staring. “What…” you look up at him, “what do we do?”
He takes your hand. “I don’t know.”
“Where do we go?” It’s rhetorical.
“I…don’t know.” He squeezes, and you squeeze back. He tugs you then, into the store.
Stepping over broken shards of glass, the shelves are bare. You don’t even know why you came in here.
He clears his throat. “Let’s look for anything useful.”
You don’t know what he means by that. Food? What? But you nod and walk slowly down an aisle. You don’t bother looking when you turn a corner, and you’re confronted by an old man in an apron with an eye missing. You scream out in surprise and he lunges at you. Tripping over a basket, you fall backwards and he lands on top of you. His broken teeth are trying to get you and he’s so fucking heavy. It’s a struggle just making sure he doesn’t bite you. It’s rank and foul and it takes all your strength to keep him away.
Then he’s suddenly off of you and you scoot back and watch as Soobin throws him to the ground and start kicking, but it doesn’t matter and for a second, you think he’ll get bitten when he stomps onto his face and the man finally goes still.
You’re crying, and you wipe your face and look down at your hands, shaking. You seem okay, and you jump up and hug Soobin.
“Are you okay? He didn’t-”
Soobin’s shaking, holding you to him, breath ragged. “Yeah, yeah, I think so. He didn’t get you?”
You shake your head, holding tighter.
“I killed…”
“He wasn’t-it wasn’t alive. You saw when they tried shooting them, it doesn’t work. You didn’t kill anybody.”
“Yeah,” he whispers, sounding as if he’s trying to convince himself. “Yeah.”
You stay together then, side by side. Looking for anything useful. Remnants of first aid stuff. A few cans of food. You go around back to an office and there isn’t much, but Soobin tries opening a drawer that’s locked. Yanking it, he falls over, but it opens.
He finds a hand gun and a box of ammunition.
With what little you find, you stand outside again.
“I don’t even know where we are.” Soobin says.
It desolate. Empty.
When everything collapsed-the government, the police, the military, the law, the order, all those months ago you got lucky. You heard what was going on outside the fences. You were relatively safe.
But now it’s all gone, and you’re standing in the middle of nothing.