Work Text:
The First Time.
It had been a few months since Jisoo went to Korea from the US to undergo idol training where he met a group of boys who soon became his friends. Training was hard, especially since it wasn’t really in any of his plans to become an idol in Korea and it was difficult getting used to being away from his mother, his only family. Nonetheless, the hardships became tolerable because he had friends he had grown attached to in his stay, namely Seungcheol and Jeonghan. However, besides them, he had also found a liking towards a boy younger than him by two years. He was a person who always had an innocent smile on his face and always made sure those around him were alright. If Jisoo had to describe him, he would say he embodied the word ‘sunshine’. He made the room brighten up whenever he walked in. Due to this, Jisoo had taken it in him, unconsciously, to look after the said boy.
So when he noticed him with a pout on his face sitting on the corner of the room, which Jisoo may or may not have found cute, he immediately approached the younger to provide any sort of comfort he could.
“Seokmin, hey. What’s wrong?” Jisoo softly asked as he rubbed the boy’s back gently.
“I’m okay. It’s not a big deal, Jisoo.” Seokmin said as he mustered up a smile which didn’t reach his eyes.
“I don’t want to force you into telling me, but just know that you can always put your guard down with me. It’s just me, Seokmin. I won’t judge.” Jisoo smiled at the younger as he sat properly beside him, providing his presence as another sort of comfort.
“I… I just wasn’t satisfied with my performance earlier at the evaluation. What if I fail to debut as an idol and all this training would go to waste. I don’t know what I would do if that happens. I… I’m sorry. I’m just rambling now.” Seokmin said with a distressed sigh as he covered his face with both of his hands in frustration.
“Hey, it’s okay. Your feelings are valid. I get it. I feel that way most times too, but we’ll get through it together, hm? That’s why we’re a group.” Jisoo said as he removed Seokmin’s hands from covering his face, making them look at each other.
“Also, I think you did well earlier. If you’re not satisfied, there’s always room for improvement. But if I’m gonna be honest, your voice is my favorite. I like hearing you.” Jisoo innocently said as he smiled at Seokmin whose cheeks turned a rosy shade as he laid his head on the older’s shoulder to hide it.
“Don’t tell the others I said that though. Jeonghan’s gonna whine about it so much, he won’t let us live it down.” He said as they let their laughs fill the room which was followed by a comfortable silence.
“I like you, Jisoo.” Seokmin broke the silence as he reached for the older’s hand and let his own rest on top.
The statement made Jisoo freeze for a minute while his heart started to beat faster, not knowing what to do.
“Thank you for being nice to me.” Seokmin added as Jisoo released a breath he didn’t know he was holding and turned his hand to clasp his own with the other’s, while they settled into another quietude. A silent plea to let the universe be in their favor.
The Second Time.
It was the night before their debut showcase. Some of them were in the dorms getting some rest for the big event they have the next day while some were still in the practice rooms, trying to polish their dancing to make it as perfect as possible. Seokmin and Jisoo belonged to the former group and were now in their bedroom with the lights out, laying down in their respective beds, seemingly asleep until Seokmin spoke.
“Jisoo, are you still awake?”
“Mhm. Can’t sleep?”
“Yeah. Nervous for tomorrow.”
“I get that.”
“Can I sleep beside you?”
Silence.
“Nevermi-”
“Come here, Seokmin.”
“Are you sure?”
“Yes. Now come here, Minnie.” Jisoo said as he moved to give space on his bed for Seokmin who settled himself beside him.
They both laid down in silence while they stared at the ceiling without anyone speaking a word for a while. Muffled sounds of different kinds coming from outside their room filled the atmosphere. The sound of television running in the living room, the sound of the other members’ snores from the room beside theirs, and even murmurs of the conversations of those who were still awake. In spite of the noise that surrounded them, the sound of their own heartbeats and breathing could be clearly heard still, deafening the others. The bedroom felt like a world of their own where only each other’s presence mattered.
“Are you scared?” Seokmin suddenly asked, maintaining his gaze at the ceiling while Jisoo turned his head to look at him. “More people will have their eyes on us, watching our every move, waiting for us to make it or break it.”
“I guess. Aren’t we all?” Jisoo did not speak for a while before he answered.
“We’ll make it work, won’t we?” Seokmin asked in a weak voice, uncertainty clearly heard yet full of hopefulness.
Maybe even wishful thinking.
“The team.” Seokmin added.
“Of course. We’re all doing our best. We have each other.”
“I really hope we make it.” Seokmin softly said as he turned to meet the other’s gaze.
As they continued to stare and get lost in each other’s eyes, Jisoo noticed a shift in the younger’s gaze; a sense of passion and yearning. Jisoo felt like drowning and yet, he wanted to continue drowning. He wanted to let go of the safety pin that’s been holding him back. He wanted nothing more than to allow himself to bask in the spark of attention Seokmin’s eyes gave him at that moment. The longer they stared at each other’s eyes, the closer their faces got inconspicuously. As soon as they felt their breaths on each other, Seokmin’s eyes moved from Jisoo’s eyes to his lips. This didn’t go unnoticed by the latter, making him do the same. And in just a quick second, the gap between them was gone. Who leaned in first? At that point, it didn’t matter no one knew.
“I like you, Jisoo.”
The moment was broken as soon as Seokmin said those same words he heard almost two years ago which was the followed by the loud sound of Seungcheol’s voice in the living room, telling the younger members to go to sleep. Jisoo was the first one to move away and put a distance between them.
“I’m sorry. I don’t know what came over me.”
“It’s okay. I liked it.” Seokmin answered despite being confused.
“No. We shouldn’t. I… it was my fault. Let’s just forget about it.” Jisoo said as he refused to look at the younger, afraid to see those kind eyes reflect hurt, moreso, betrayed, because of him.
“But Jisoo…”
“We have a big day tomorrow. Get some rest. Good Night, Seokmin.” Jisoo said with finality as he turned his back, not bearing to make the situation even worse.
He was met with silence for a minute before he felt the bed become lighter and the space on his back empty.
“Good Night, Jisoo.”
Unbeknownst to the others, the two fell asleep with a heavy heart of not knowing where their career would take them, the uncertainty of the future, and the weight of all their hard work. But most of all, the burden of their feelings to be concealed indefinitely until it becomes only a whisper into the vast of nothingness.
The Third Time.
The world came to a sudden halt which no one expected. It felt appalling and terrifying, making people anxious not knowing what to do. And for their career as idols whose main point was to reach out to as many people as they can, this was an unnerving time. They were in the middle of a world tour when the pandemic hit and lockdowns had been implemented. However, months have passed since then and they have adapted to the new normal so it seems. Nonetheless, they weren’t immune to getting sick so it was not shocking when Jisoo fell ill.
There are members who had already moved out into their own place long ago while there are those who still live in the same dorm, namely Jisoo, Seokmin, Vernon, Hoshi, and Dino. However, the respective last three often went to their family’s home so they were fortunate to have not been in the dorm when Jisoo got sick. They were also advised by their manager to stay there until he gets better and so, Seokmin was the only one with the oldest of the six in their dorm. Their manager also advised Jisoo to go to the hospital but he firmly rejected the idea and insisted that his case was not that serious and he could take care of himself in the dorm. While Seokmin was told to quarantine away from Jisoo to prevent him from getting sick too. But who is Seokmin if not stubborn as well. And so, there they were in their dorm playing their game of tug o war which had been going on for years.
Seokmin sat on the side of the bed as he checked Jisoo’s temperature after removing the wet towel on his forehead. The older was awakened from his slumber when he felt the coldness of the air from the absence of it on his forehead, making him open his eyes slightly and seeing the younger, surprising him a little. He thought he was gonna be alone since he knew what their manager advised them to do.
“Seokmin?”
“Hm?”
“Why are you here?” Jisoo croaked out, barely able to speak due to his sore throat.
“What does it look like? I’m taking care of you.”
“Min, I told you I can handle myself. You’ll get sick if you stay with me.”
“Please refrain from speaking. Your throat will just hurt more.” Seokmin ignored his complaints as he gave him medicine and a glass of water. “Here. Drink this.” Jisoo complied despite his whining, not wanting to give the younger a hard time.
“Can you stand? Let’s get you cleaned up.” Jisoo nodded as he stood up and walked achingly towards the bathroom with Seokmin following behind.
When they arrived at the bathroom, Jisoo expected Seokmin to leave him be and close the door but instead, he did close the door except he was still inside.
“Why are you still here?”
“I’ll help you wash up?” Seokmin answered in a questioning manner as if it wasn’t the most obvious answer.
“I can do it myself.”
“You can’t even remove your own shirt.” Seokmin sighed as he helped Jisoo who was struggling to even raise his hand due to the body pain he was experiencing.
Jisoo felt helpless and tired so he gave in and let Seokmin help him undress. It wasn’t unusual for them to see each other naked, especially since during their trainee days in their old dorm, there were times the members had to shower at the same time due to having only one bathroom and the time restraints. However, right now, Jisoo was in one of his most vulnerable states, suddenly feeling embarrassed to be taken care of with his bare body in the open like that. Seokmin seemed to notice the uneasy look on his face.
“Are you okay?”
“I…” He trailed off not knowing how to express himself.
“It’s embarrassing for you to see me so exposed and feeble like this.” He managed to say, unsure how to even shake off the feeling.
“Hm? Do you want me to take off my clothes too? Will that make you feel more comfortable?” Seokmin asked, shocking Jisoo and yet, the thought of having someone create a safe space for him made him nod. And so, Seokmin followed.
As they got in the bathtub, Seokmin did as he said so. He started to rub the older’s body gently with soap and water while also rinsing his hair. The way Seokmin’s gentle touches felt on Jisoo’s skin were as if he was a fragile porcelain doll, making him put away the last ounce of resistance he had as he melted into his touch. Jisoo, who was seated in front of Seokmin with his back facing the other, unconsciously leaned back against his chest. He closed his eyes while he felt the rise and fall of the younger’s chest on his back. Seokmin let Jisoo do so as he left delicate kisses on the other’s shoulders then kneaded parts of his body to ease the aching feeling of his sick body and allowed the warmth of the silence to engulf the atmosphere. The moment was not meant to be so intimate and yet, the love between them overflowed despite the consistent urge to keep it unseen.
For a moment, Jisoo indulged in the tranquility that surrounded his chest at that moment. He basked in the serene atmosphere that existed between the two of them. He allowed himself to feel the love he had been depriving himself of for a long time. Maybe it’s the weakness of being sick that made him do so or maybe it’s just an excuse for the hidden desire he had long buried deep down. He wanted nothing more than to express this desire freely with no thoughts of worries in mind. But just as said, it was only for a moment. A moment of vulnerability for him.
“Why are you doing this?”
Amidst all, he still asked despite knowing the answer.
“I do this because I care for you.” Seokmin answered as he put a new blanket over Jisoo who was now laying on the bed with eyes stuck on him.
“Why? I know I haven’t been the nicest to you.”
“It doesn’t change the fact that I still like you.” Seokmin added, unfazed, seemingly used to breaking his own heart all over again, as he took the empty space beside Jisoo who had his left arm open for him to position himself in the bed.
Why is loving you so easy and yet I still can’t find the courage to stand up for it?
Seokmin comfortably settled himself wrapped in Jisoo’s arms, underneath the warmth that emits from Jisoo’s body and the blanket they shared, mirroring the yearning sensation of the tender attachment of desire they hold closely; masked but explicitly felt.
“You’re nice to me, Jisoo.”
A whisper of reassurance left to linger in the air.
If Jisoo's body ached with fever and discomfort, his heart ached even more profoundly. The pain of breaking two hearts at once, his own and Seokmin’s, was a sorrow that deepened his suffering beyond measure.
The Fourth Time.
It was SEVENTEEN’s tenth year anniversary and the group was celebrating in Jeonghan and Seungkwan’s apartment. Everyone was having the time of their lives, some were singing karaoke while the others were drinking and talking amongst themselves. They were all making the most of the gathering since it would be the last one where they would be complete for a while. Half of the members were enlisting soon, from Jeonghan to the 97 liners, leaving the youngest three and the foreign line with Seungcheol.
Jisoo laughed as he sat back down after joining the antics of the members who were singing and dancing at the same time, tiredness washing over him immediately. He grabbed a glass of beer and sipped from it as he continued to watch over them fondly. Hoshi, Dino, and Seokmin sang loudly while Seungkwan nagged at them from the side even when joined them from time to time. The other members were either watching them too or in a conversation of their own. Later on, Jeonghan suddenly joined the fun who looked like he was scheming something. Before the others could even retort, he had pointed at Seokmin to do an outrageous dare with the consequence of spelling his own name with his butt. However, Jeonghan is not Jeonghan if it weren’t for his impossible dares and so, Seokmin could not do anything but comply with the consequence. Even if it meant embarrassing himself, he would still do something as long as it made people happy. That was Seokmin’s character. Even at the expense of his own being, as long as the ones he loved were content, he too was.
Everyone suddenly had their attention at Seokmin and the whole room was filled with laughter and teasing. Jisoo was also looking at him affectionately with a smile playing on his lips, but it was soon gone when the thought of being unable to see the guy for a long while appeared in his mind. The glow of light brought by the joy he was feeling earlier was replaced by a haunting suffocating ache plaguing his heart. Despite always pushing the younger away, he did not know if he could get used to not having his presence near him. It’s what also frustrates Jisoo. Seokmin had decided to make a space for him in his life even if it wasn’t what he wanted, as long as he remained close in Jisoo’s life. He had carved his own place in his life no matter how much Jisoo pushed him away.
How can a heart be at war with itself?
His thoughts were interrupted when Seungcheol spoke from beside him. “You should go for it before it’s too late.”
“Huh?”
“I know you, Jisoo. But I don’t even get what’s holding you back. We’re already well-established in our career and it’s not like we or the management’s gonna come between.” Seungcheol continued as he looked at Jisoo with sympathetic eyes.
“It’s complicated.” Jisoo sighed as he took another sip from his beer.
“It’s time to stop tormenting yourselves. You can choose to be happy.” Seungcheol said as he tapped his back before standing up to get more drinks.
Jisoo stood up too right after and headed towards the balcony to get away from all the noise inside, and maybe get some peace of mind as well whilst feeling the fresh night air. The coldness of the night reminded him of the constant heartbreaks he set up for himself. The way he deprived himself of accepting a love which offers itself devotedly. And it would have been manageable if it had only been him who was hurting. But he was well-aware that, in this dance of agony he had been performing for more than a decade now, his rhythm was and always had been followed by the steps of Seokmin who had been desperately, helplessly, and incessantly trying to keep up. Even when his own feet hurt, even when his own breathing faltered, and even when his own tempo was missed on purpose. Jisoo was highly conscious of it that the sight of the guy itself felt like a reminder of the sword stabbed in his chest that he so tried to bury deeply until it was no longer in sight, even if it meant killing a part of him.
Too lost in the chaos of his own thoughts, he hadn’t noticed the presence of another person that had joined him in the balcony.
“A penny for your thoughts?”
“Oh. I didn’t notice you.” Jisoo said as he looked at Seokmin who was standing beside him with only a short-sleeved shirt on.
“Figured. You seemed like you were thinking deeply.”
“Why are you here? You were having so much fun back there.”
“Yeah but I needed a break too.”
“A break from all the noise inside? Yeah I get that.”
“Not really. I just wanted to spend time with you.” Seokmin said as he smiled at Jisoo whose breath hitched momentarily forgetting how the younger could be straight forward when he wanted to.
“Here, wear my jacket. You know you get cold easily, why did you even come out here without one? Hay, Lee Seokmin.” Jisoo nagged jokingly at Seokmin to lessen the tension in the atmosphere.
“But you’ll feel cold instead.” Seokmin pouted which Jisoo shook his head at as he smiled.
“I’ll be fine.”
“I’ll just make you hot chocolate inside later!”
“There’s no need for that, Min. It’s fine, really.”
“At least, let me do this for you. Please…” Seokmin pleaded with shiny eyes who appeared to be on the verge of tears if not granted his wish prompting Jisoo to eventually agree, earning a thanks and a smile from the younger.
“Why are you still so nice to me?” Jisoo softly asked, exposing his thoughts unintentionally, as he looked straight into Seokmin’s eyes.
“You always ask me that and my answer remains the same.” Seokmin chuckled lightly.
“You’re leaving soon.” A sudden surge of courage inducing him to continue revealing the thoughts that had been bothering him.
“Mhm.”
“We won’t see each other for a long time.”
“Mhm.”
“How about me?”
Silence.
“I mea-” Jisoo tried to save himself from the shame of being too emotional before Seokmin cut him off.
“I love you, Jisoo.” Seokmin declared while looking straight into Jisoo’s eyes which shone in the darkness of the night, reflecting the twinkling of the stars and the moon, where a tear slipped out.
Seokmin reached for Jisoo’s face as he wiped the tear that fell and softly caressed his cheek which the latter unconsciously leaned into. In the blink of an eye, the gap between them was gone as their lips met. Déjà vu. Before they could even lose consciousness in the kiss, Jisoo forced himself to let go and take a step back as he stared downwards, unable to look at Seokmin.
“I…”
“I know. You don’t need to ask me to forget about it again. I get it.” Jisoo raised his head and was met at the sight of a glossy-eyed Seokmin who still managed to smile at him.
“I just thought… maybe it would have been different this time. But of course, I was wrong.” Seokmin chuckled bitterly before turning his head to look away.
“I’m sorry.”
“Let’s head inside. It’s getting too cold. We’ll get sick if we don’t.” Seokmin said before leaving the balcony and Jisoo in the coldness of the night with the despair of his own thoughts and decisions.
How can a heart love so strongly and still be so cowardly?
The Fifth Time.
It was six years later when Seokmin declared his love to Jisoo for the fifth and last time. The two were at Jisoo’s apartment and bonding as usual. Years of living with their unsaid feelings and suppressed longing had made them learn to live pretending they were without it. They had decided to get drinks after work but since they were too tired to go somewhere, they remained inside. They had finished watching a movie and were now far from sober, stopping drinking altogether half an hour ago and had let silence take over as they both laid on the living room couches with Seokmin staring into nothing while Jisoo had his eyes shut. And just like always, Seokmin broke the quietness that stood still in the room.
“I know I haven’t said it but I have long accepted the fact that it cannot be.” He said making Jisoo open his eyes and look at Seokmin who had his sight elsewhere.
Jisoo remained silent while he waited for the other to elaborate on what he was talking about.
“You and I. We can’t be together, right?” Seokmin continued as he met the older’s eyes.
“I used to be so desperate for you to look at me more than once. I used to pray so hard for you to hold my hand a little longer. I used to beg whatever divine being who may be listening to hear my constant pleas and allow you to let me in that caged heart of yours. I figured if I persevered hard enough and tried continuously, you’d eventually permit love to overcome the fear that overshadowed it. But no matter how many times I tried to reach for you, you still can’t find it in you to give us a chance. And it’s okay. I understand. I had long accepted it. That’s when I also knew how much I loved you; when I started giving myself reasons for the way you hurt me.”
“But that did not stop me from loving you. I loved you. So much. Even when you always asked me to forget about it. Even when you always kept mum and sorry when I expressed it. Even when we had to keep living the cycle of pretending like it was all a figment of my own imagination, non-existent in the reality of our world.”
“I loved you. And I still do. I am still hopelessly, miserably, devotedly in love with you.”
“I’ve been loving you for eighteen years now. It’s insane, huh? I feel like I deserve a medal or a trophy for this achievement.” Seokmin chuckled to lighten the mood as he sat down from laying down while Jisoo’s eyes remained set on him as he wept silently.
“If the divine being I prayed on asked me if I would still choose to do so in my next lives, even if we still would never get our happy ending in all those lives, I would say yes. Over and over again. I would always choose to love you.”
“I’m not saying this to make you feel bad or give me a chance for the last time. I’m saying this to finally put our hearts at rest. It’s time for us to let go, don’t you think?” Seokmin looked back at Jisoo once again as a tear slipped out his own eye.
“It’s time for you to stop being too hard on yourself. It hurts me to see you hold yourself back. I know. I see you. I see it. I feel it. Even when you don’t say it. Like I always say to you, you’re nice to me Jisoo. Which is why I’ve also long forgiven you and the world.” Seokmin stood up and walked towards Jisoo as he held his face and wiped his tears.
“I love you. I’m sorry. It’s time to forgive yourself too, Jisoo.”
Were the last words Seokmin said before he left.
Jisoo sobbed like a child in his own apartment which now felt as if the four corners of the room were closing in on him, suffocating him as he was left to wallow in his anguish.
The movies were a false portrayal. The fairytales were wrong. The poets were too ambitious. Love isn’t always enough to conquer all. Jisoo, no matter how hard he tried to erase it, had it tattooed in his mind all these years. Thus, he had made the firm decision of steering clear from the strong waves of love and fear he had, and settled on watching from a distance by the shore. Even when he had to endure the ache of being in the burning exposure of the sun as he denied himself of the coolness of the water with the freedom of loving. He believed he could keep Seokmin that way, safeguarding his constant presence in his life. He thought that was the only way he could keep him forever.
The One Time Jisoo Confessed His Love.
Jisoo was wrong. He did not get to keep him forever.
“Hi. Are you doing well, Min?” Jisoo spoke softly as the wind blew his hair.
“I’m sorry I haven’t visited for a while. It’s been… different.”
“It’s been different without you, Seokmin. It’s been hard.”
“I miss you. Why… Why did you have to leave this way?” Jisoo’s voice croaked as he knelt down on the grass, knees weakening as he felt a sob coming.
“I know I have been cruel to you all these years but aren’t you being too much for leaving me like this?” He cried uncontrollably as he touched the name engraved on the tombstone to support his weight as he broke down.
A year ago and a month after the moment in Jisoo’s apartment, Seokmin got into a car accident on his way to work. He was hit by a truck whose driver was under the influence and lost his life that day too. It was a shocking and agonizing news for the public, the whole industry, but most of all, to his family and friends. Concert dates were cancelled, album comebacks were postponed, and public appearances were gone for a while for the whole group of SEVENTEEN as they mourn for the loss of a member they loved so dearly like a brother. The members grieved yet made sure to provide each other some form of support as they carry the heavy weight of losing a loved one. But out of everyone, they knew Jisoo took it the hardest.
Jisoo refused to leave his apartment for months, barely talked to anyone unless they took it upon themselves to visit him in his place, and even took an indefinite hiatus from work. He had completely abandoned taking care of himself, making the members worry for his being to the point that one of them had to go check on him everyday. The moment Jisoo found out what happened to Seokmin, his entirety was immediately taken over by regrets as his mind was flooded with moments he could have been better for and towards him. It had taken him losing him for him to truly comprehend the depth of his feelings and the extent of his cowardice. He was overwhelmed by the anguish and grief brought by losing the love of his life whom he had done nothing but overlook how fortunate he was to have him be loved by him. All Jisoo could think was how he’d rather have his own life taken than Seokmin who deserved to experience more of how beautiful life was as beautiful as his own soul.
For so long, I managed to push away and live without fully accepting your love, but now, in your absence, I can't fathom how to live without it. I'm lost, and I don't know what to do anymore.
“Seokmin wouldn’t want to see you torture yourself like that, Jisoo. You know that.”
“It’s time to forgive yourself, Jisoo.”
Seokmin’s voice echoed in his head as he heard Jeonghan say those words to him when he visited to check up on him.
Jeonghan was right. Seokmin wouldn’t have liked seeing him like this. No matter how many times Jisoo had broken his heart, Seokmin would never wish him any despair. Basking in his misery even more would not do anyone any good and if he wished to have been better for him, he should start by fixing himself up and that he did.
Months later, here he was now in the cemetery, visiting Seokmin’s grave after finishing up at work with flowers in hand as he couldn’t help but still shed tears as he was once again reminded of the loss of his life.
“I love you. I’m sorry.”
He whispered into the air, hoping that the wind would take his declaration of love to wherever Seokmin may be and let it reach him.
“I’m so sorry for everything; for never gathering enough courage to face the world head on with you, for always dismissing the love you surrender wholeheartedly to me, and for never saying I loved you when you were still here. I know it’s too late but it’s the least I can do now.”
“I had loved you. I loved you so much. So much that it scared me to the point I couldn’t even let it slip past my mouth. But I did love you. You told me you see me, you feel it even when I don’t say anything. And I hope you really did know the wide expanse of my love for you. But I really don’t think I was being nice enough, even when you ingeniously accept what I can only offer you, no matter how little.”
“I thought denying my feelings whilst pushing you away and staying as we were was the only way to keep you in my life; away from a relationship’s complicated tendencies and break ups and the public eye’s opinion. But it turned out that my strong will to prevent our heartbreak only caused us even more suffering. I was a fool. A coward.”
“If only I could turn back time, I would take back everything I did that hurt you. I would hold you close and never let go. But you’re gone now and all I can do now is say all these into nothingness.” Jisoo wiped at his tears but more kept coming while the trees and leaves rustled as he continued to pour his heart out to the only one who ever held it.
“I love you, Seokmin. And I will continue to do so for the rest of my life.”
“And in every life after this, I plead to the divine being you prayed on, that it allows us to meet every time; to permit me to make up for all the love I had denied you all this time. I don’t think I can ever love again. I can’t if it’s not you.”
“I shall find you and wait earnestly no matter how long it takes. I shall love you better than I did in this life, Seokmin.” A profound promise of certainty.
The overflowing love I had long kept restrained in this life shall echo in all the multiple universes and lives in which you exist in.
Jisoo stayed by Seokmin’s grave for hours, talking to the wind as if the love of his life was there with him, letting go of all the heaviness he had been carrying for so long. When he finally stood up to leave, the sun had set and the only source of light were the streetlights by the sidewalk. As he walked away, he took one last look at Seokmin’s grave and left his heart buried with him.