Chapter Text
Soap wasn’t new to dating apps, though at 34 years old, he’d argue he was too old for that, Gaz would argue the opposite.
“Isn’t that predictable?” he took his phone from Gaz’s hands, staring at the half-done profile on it, the handle on top of the screen and the picture of his torso.
“But you like daddies, don’t you?” Gaz retorted, taking the phone back.
“What is that supposed to mean?” he snatched the phone again.
“It means you like daddies!” He took Soap’s phone again and ran to the inside of Soap’s house, manoeuvring around toys and furniture as he moved from the kitchen to the hall to the sitting room.
Soap sighed and got up from the swing chair they were sitting on on the patio, following Gaz to the sitting room where the floor was littered with toys.
He sat next to Gaz on the big sofa and then got up to start picking up toys.
“What’s a daddy, anyway,” he told to no one in particular and turned around to find Gaz picking up toys around the house, too. A peace offering he guessed.
“You know,” Gaz rolled his eyes, arms filled with race cars and dolls, their hair tickling his nose, “like Ghost.”
It was Soap’s turn to roll his eyes, “Ghost is a dad,” he reminded his best friend, putting the toys in the big toy box Ghost had gotten the kids about a month ago, filled to the bring with the toys that Soap had to pick up, now, “and I liked him before he was one. I made him one!”
“But I mean,” Gaz tried and turned the corner of the hall just in time to catch the no-longer toddler coming down the stairs at full speed, shoulder-length blonde hair with streaks of different colours behind her like a prism.
“Uncle Gaz!” she screamed as Gaz dropped the toys and caught her.
“Hello, beautiful!” Gaz said, kissing her little cheeks as she squirmed and kicked her little legs in joy, cheeks still wrinkled from her afternoon nap, her internal clock telling her it was time to go pick up her brothers from school, which she loved to do with Soap.
He sighed, now he had to pick up the toys Gaz dropped and then get ready to take the children from school to Simon’s karate class and JJ’s swimming school.
He was going to kill Ghost for getting the kids more toys as if they needed more, besides, Mon had stopped playing with toys years ago and JJ was starting to get bored, too, much more interested in technology.
The backyard was filled with them, their empty stables, the greenhouse, their rooms, the playroom, the sitting, dining and reception room and even their polytunnel had them. Honestly, it was getting out of control, he’d stopped trying to keep his house clean years ago because it always ended up the same.
Ghost had offered to pay for someone to clean, to help, but Soap hadn’t wanted to. He was a proud man and a stay-at-home dad, he was supposed to be able to handle it.
Plus he didn’t want to owe Ghost any favours, he’d already left them the house in the divorce and paid a quite generous child maintenance monthly, paid for the kids’ school and the upkeep of the house and was involved in their children’s lives and when they were married, he’d gotten Soap everything he needed or wanted, no questions asked and...
He shook his head because it had already been two years since they divorced and Soap still couldn’t stop thinking about him but he felt he couldn’t be blamed when they had been together for 12 years since Soap was 20 and Ghost was 28 years old.
He threw the rest of the toys in his hands in the toy box and walked back to the kitchen to get a glass of water.
Gaz had been the one to convince him to put himself back out there, that his mourning period from his marriage with Ghost was done, but Soap wasn’t sure.
Soap had never fallen in love with someone as he did with Ghost.
He was straight out of school when he got an internship in Ghost’s family company. It wasn’t anything special, just the usual get coffee, print documents kind of thing and he’d loved it.
His mum had always been overprotective and getting a job was the first time Soap could say he did something that didn’t involve her.
But then he’d met Ghost, or that was what he’d known him as at first and then Simon, the assistant to the director and then when he got pregnant, two years later of a situationship, he’d known Ghost as Simon Riley, son of Hugh Riley, the director of the company himself.
It had been a fight he was bound to lose, being with Ghost.
On Mr. Hugh's part who had never known him as more than the intern he saw, maybe, four or five times in two years, he was nothing but a gold digger but it had taken the man to have his grandson in his arms to apologise so profusely, even Soap couldn’t hold back tears.
Now, life felt like a blur after that. Before he could show, they had gotten married.
Mr. Hugh, still not fully trusting hadn’t wanted to put a single effort towards their wedding, but they had been okay with that.
Soap understood where his father-in-law was coming from and didn’t take it to heart.
On Ghost’s part, he wasn’t the spoilt child most people would think him to be and he was proud of that, or so he’d told Soap.
Ghost had savings whereas Soap had been living paycheck to paycheck and at the end, not wanting to take more than what he was offered, their wedding had been a quiet affair with a lawyer and Gaz and Roach—Ghost’s best friend—as witnesses with his mum weeping softly and Ghost’s parents and his younger brother, Tommy, looking distrustfully the whole time.
And then, four years into their marriage, Soap had gotten pregnant again.
They had been living in the middle of the city, close to their workplace in Ghost’s two-bedroom flat, but with the addition to the family, they had decided to move to a more family-friendly area and so the suburbs had been.
Simon or Mon, their eldest son, hadn’t been happy about it. He was shy and had a hard time making friends, but he’d finally found them in his daycare when his parents had broken the news of Soap’s pregnancy and the move.
Through it all, Soap had been the happiest. He loved Ghost and Mon and little JJ and never thought he’d find himself with his little perfect family.
And then, another 4 years later, when Simon was 8 and JJ was 4 years old, they found themselves pregnant with their third and last child. Katie, in honour of Gaz’s adoptive mum and the one who had brought their three kids into the world.
Soap thought his little family was finally perfect and complete, they had moved once again to a bigger house, an actual farmhouse with a Christmas tree plantation next to it, spacious enough for their family of 5 and they had finally decided for Soap to stop working.
It had been years since he’d stopped working at Ghost’s family company, working somewhere else, but while they could more than afford the children’s childcare, Soap didn’t want them to grow up thinking of them as absent or distant parents and when Mr Hugh finally decided to retire and leave the position to Ghost, it was only logical for Soap to be a stay at home dad.
The first year was a hard adjustment.
Truth be told, they had relied a little too much on nannies and Soap found himself lost as to what their children liked, what they needed and even who they were, and with Ghost putting in more hours as he tried to fully handle the company, little by little their marriage had started to fall apart.
They didn’t fight, they never truly did but they barely talked anymore.
Every morning, Ghost would wake up earlier than him, grab a cup of tea and leave their house, the commute to the office taking him a good hour and a half and by the time he came back, Soap had already put the kids to bed and he himself had already been asleep for hours.
Sometimes he’d stared at the pictures around the house, the ribbons and trophies their children had won, the vacations they had taken years prior and he’d cry, wondering where he went wrong, wondering if he could’ve done more, wondering if it had been a mistake to have their family and he hated himself for that. For not trying harder.
And then he had decided he’d had enough.
Sometimes loving meant letting go.
Even before he presented Ghost with the divorce papers, having had them hidden on his bedside table for weeks, Soap had already been crying for months.
Katie just 2 years old and not knowing what was going on while her little brothers were at school, had tried to reassure him everything was okay, wiping away his tears when he tried to hide in the patio swing chair to cry, but she always seemed to find him.
His heart cried for her, too.
So far, she hadn’t gotten the love she deserved from Ghost or him because despite them being busy at work when Mon and JJ were small, they had loved them both in equal measure, made sure to spend as much time together as a family as possible, but Katie had never gotten the chance to have that.
Sometimes Soap wondered if she even knew Ghost was her father as she barely saw him. Wondered if she saw Ghost as the other man who lived in their house and not as her dad.
But Soap knew that wasn’t going to change. The few times they did spend together, Soap always remembered just why and how much he loved Ghost, made him want to attach himself to the man like a leech, but again, Monday always came and it'd be the same every week.
Ghost was bound to have a busy life, his own father had barely had time for him, his brother and his mum and despite Ghost trying to fight to be different from him, he’d inevitably turned into his dad and his family had been cast aside for the good of the Rileys' legacy.
It just seemed though, that Ghost had forgotten that Simon, John and Katie were Rileys, too.
“You don’t have to do it if you don’t want to,” Gaz walked to the kitchen, sitting Katie on the kitchen island, “just thought maybe you wanted a push.”
“It’s okay,” he told him, hip on the kitchen counter, the glass of water untouched in his hands, “I’m just... I don’t know.”
“I know you’re still in love with him,” Gaz said softly as Katie played with his hair.
The truth burned its way in, even more so in its way out because he could lie to himself all he wanted, but not to Gaz, who knew him from the inside out.
“Let’s just try one more time,” he decided, “maybe a different handle.”
He walked to Gaz’s side and hugged him with Katie sandwiched between them and then handed Gaz his phone and promptly decided he didn’t want to try anymore when Gaz told him they had changed the handle too many times and couldn’t change it anymore, leaving Soap stuck with the handle ‘Daddylover69’ and a myriad of photos of his torso and legs and not even one of his face or his children.
It was embarrassingly quick how Soap realised he wasn’t one for dating apps, or maybe dating in general.
Every date he went, they were never enough.
Not tall enough. Not blonde enough. Not thick enough or, too many tattoos, their voice was weird, they smelt a particular way, they didn’t like children or, basically, they didn’t look like Ghost.
Gaz was tired of him. They’d sit for hours on the swing chair to scroll endlessly through the different profiles, even Katie had started to give her own opinions—which wasn’t good because she still didn’t know how to keep a secret and JJ and Mon didn’t know he’d started dating again, plus she was almost 4 years old.
He knew, at least Mon, still hoped he’d get back together with Ghost, but he was only 12 years old and hadn’t lost that innocence yet.
Soap didn’t blame him though, their marriage saw its best moments when Simon was small and he probably still saw it with rose-coloured glasses and was young enough to still remember those years fondly.
Hell, sometimes even Soap wished the same.
Not that he’d ever say that out loud and he was sure Gaz knew anyway.
But then, they found him .
“Papa!” Katie screamed delighted at the next profile Soap swiped to and he thought maybe he was a bad dad for letting her see what he was doing taking into account some of the profile pictures but he was glad Gaz’s reflexes were fast enough to cover her eyes whenever there was a raunchy one.
“Bloody hell,” Gaz said and quickly covered his mouth, “yum,” he added behind his palm.
With Katie on his lap and his head on Gaz’s shoulder to keep the phone angled towards him, Soap was glad none of them noticed him shiver.
The man did look like Ghost, uncannily so.
Same body type, the broadness of his shoulders, the colour of his hair from the pictures showing him back to the camera to how tall he looked.
For a second Soap had a hard time not thinking it was his ex, but Ghost would never be found even dead on one of those dating apps.
His mum would probably kill him, too. Never mind the fact that the man could look at any corner, point at a man and they’d fall to their knees at once.
It was a shame, though, that he could not see the man’s face because, like Soap, there were only pictures of his body and back in different clothing, a few of them shirtless and God, he was a dream.
“You have to text him!” Gaz told him, grabbing Katie from his lap to sit her on his, straightening him up and making the chair swing back and forth as Gaz put his legs on top of the chair to rearrange Katie’s long legs on each side of his lap, both of them facing towards Soap.
She was definitely Ghost’s daughter with her blonde hair and tall enough to look older than her age.
“Yeah!” She agreed, “text papa!”
He laughed and thought maybe Gaz should get a job because he was spending way too much time with them and he was clearly influencing her.
And then he immediately thought he shouldn’t because Katie was starting school next year and he knew just how attached to her Gaz was already and got the feeling that out of the three of them, including Ghost, Gaz would be the one to suffer the most when he couldn’t be with her all the time.
He sighed and opened SilverFox14 ’s full profile and had to brace himself as he read his interests and the things he liked.
It said he had children and was divorced, looking for some fun, which sounded greasy as fuck, but it wasn't like those apps were for a happy ever after.
He was older than Soap, but didn’t say his actual age, just “40-something” and Soap really thought that could not be called a silver fox, but then again, Ghost was 42 and already going white at the temples, which somehow made him ten times hotter and Soap didn’t really hate that.
Except when it was noticeable how much attention Ghost got, but not like he could be blamed for that.
Soap used to blame him though, used to ask him why he was so handsome and that he should be ugly so other men didn’t see him, but he always retorted by saying Soap was way more handsome.
That man could really lie.
“What did you say?” Gaz asked him, trying to move closer to him but not being able to when he had a handful of kid on his lap.
“I haven’t said anything, yet!” he gripped his phone against his chest, fingers trembling.
“Say something!” Gaz said, grabbing Katie’s leg and putting her little foot on Soap’s face, pushing and pushing as she laughed and Soap finally unlocked his phone to text the man.
To: SilverFox14
hey
“Alright, it’s done!” he put his phone on Katie’s belly, not wanting to have the thing close to him and then grabbed it again when Gaz reached for it.
“What'd you say?” He asked, using Katie’s foot to poke him again.
“Stop it!” He grabbed Katie’s leg and bit one of her toes softly, making her withdraw her legs as she laughed. “Just hey,” he replied, feeling nervous for no reason after the many dates he’d gone to for the past month since he decided to give a try to the dating app—but there was definitely something about SilverFox14 that had him nervous for no reason like no other man or woman had made him feel so far.
He thought maybe it was the resemblance with Ghost, but that couldn’t be when he didn’t like his husband like that anymore.
It was Monday noon so Soap didn’t think he’d get an answer any time soon as any other person would be working, well except Soap who was a stay-at-home dad and Gaz who, even if he denied it, was a sugar baby to Ghost’s business partner, Price.
So, when his phone chimed with the dating app’s sound, Soap was confused for a second.
“Is it him?” Gaz asked, having been talking to Katie about something, though he looked more like they were conspiring.
He gripped his phone with shaky fingers, wanting to read the text in the notification bar, but the thing unlocked with his face biometrics, opening the conversation automatically.
“Oh fu...dge,” he corrected himself on time and almost dropped his phone, blocking it in time before he sent something he wasn’t meant to.
“What?” Gaz asked, trying to grab his phone again. Soap moved out of the way and unlocked it.
From: SilverFox14
Hey yourself, gorgeous.
Soap squealed, just like Katie did whenever she was happy and it made her do it, too while Gaz laughed confused, still trying to catch a glimpse.
“What did he say?” Gaz asked again as the ropes of the swing chair groaned loudly as they piled themselves on it.
Ghost had been teaching Katie how to read, but Soap was glad she couldn’t understand most yet as she sat between them again.
He turned the phone towards Gaz and he squealed too, which made Soap squeal again and in turn, Katie too.
It felt like he was back in high school and the girl he had a crush on had texted him back.
They thought long and extendedly what to say but couldn’t come up with anything and then he almost dropped his phone when he saw the ‘ SilverFox14 is typing ’ at the bottom of the screen.
From: SilverFox14
Cat got your tongue?
Soap swooned as Katie screamed ‘cat!’ the only word she could understand and Gaz grabbed his chest in a mock heart attack.
It was cheesy, he knew, but that didn’t stop him from getting excited.
They started thinking what to say and soon enough, they were having an actual conversation.
SilverFox14, and yes it was weird to call him that, but not like Soap could talk with a handle like DaddyLover69, wasn’t only handsome, he was smart and witty, too.
And without him noticing, a day of texting turned into two and then three and a week later, they were constantly talking.
SilverFox14 didn’t give much away from his life, and neither did Soap.
From the time when he used to use dating apps, before he met Ghost, to his current self, Soap understood that things were different, that you couldn’t just give information away as if it were nothing, so he tried to keep himself vague about things regarding his life.
If they talked about children, he often made sure to refer to them with neutral pronouns and the oldest or the youngest, even if he was talking about JJ, his middle child.
When he referred to Ghost, he’d always use ‘ex’ never his name and neutral pronouns.
He called SilverFox14 SF and he referred to Soap as DL .
It hadn’t been the same with his other dates, they were never truly interested in his life and more often than not only met to have dinner and fuck, which he’d guiltily done once or twice.
He was devoted to his family and still held affection for Ghost, but after all, he was only human.
It was a couple of weeks after he’d started talking to SF when someone finally commented on it, on how he’d been attached to his phone lately and it had come from his ex, no less.
He was in the kitchen making dinner one Sunday night when Ghost came back with the kids.
Soap had never asked him for his key back but it always surprised him how respectful Ghost was of his boundaries—he’d always been but if it were Soap, he’d have entered the house countless of times before remembering he didn’t live there anymore.
“Daaaaad! We're baaaack!” Simon called from the front door and Soap barely had time to see him throw his bag on one of the sofas from the door and then try to go up the stairs two at a time, easy for him to do with how tall he’d been getting lately.
“Mon!” he washed his hands and dried them with a rag, “your bag!”
JJ walked in after him, diverting to the side to pick up Mon’s bag to hoist it up his shoulder.
“Hey,” he called to JJ as Ghost walked in with Katie on his shoulders, the main entrance was tall but not enough for them, so Katie, with her hands on Ghost’s face was bent over his head, almost covering his view, “leave it.”
“I'll take it up,” JJ said, always wanting to please his brother, even if Mon wasn’t there to see what he was doing.
“If you do it for him,” Soap said and quickly walked back to the kitchen to turn it off, “if you do it for him, he won’t learn.”
Ghost stood at the entrance, watching them like they were planning a tennis match as Katie tried to touch the ceiling near the main entrance, which was still maybe 30 cm from her hands.
“It’s just up the stairs,” JJ said, the bag too big for him, especially when he still had his on his shoulder.
“Leave it,” Soap repeated.
“What’s going on?” Ghost finally interrupted and both sets of eyes looked at him, one blue, one brown and he recoiled.
“That’s Mon’s bag,” he said simply.
“I just want to take it to him!” JJ replied.
“Why?” Ghost asked, putting Katie down who immediately ran to Soap, hugging his waist and trying to get him to come down for a kiss, which he complied with.
JJ shrugged and Ghost shook his head.
“Simon Hugh Riley,” Ghost called and almost immediately, Mon came running down the stairs.
“What?” he asked, headphones on his head.
“Excuse me?” Soap said and Mon looked at him surprised for a second, as if just noticing he was there.
“Sorry, pops,” he replied to Ghost and then walked towards JJ to take his bag and then he silently made his way up the stairs with JJ trailing behind him instantly and Katie following them more slowly.
He shook his head and walked back to the kitchen, turning it on again to continue cooking and then remembered he had a text from SF that he hadn’t been able to reply to yet and eagerly got his phone out of his back pocket with a smile.
He heard the front door close and a pair of steps he knew all too well walked into the kitchen.
“Johnny,” Ghost said with that deep voice of his as he sat on the kitchen island.
He looked up from his phone, still smiling, “Ghost.”
Ghost sighed and got up to walk towards him. Closer and closer until he had Soap cornered against the kitchen counter, facing him.
His heart started speeding up and he barely had time to brace himself with his hands back against the counter as he looked up at his ex.
He couldn’t help but shiver as he saw those whisky brown eyes, the bulging muscles trapped under a short-sleeved black shirt, the slim waist pressing against his stomach and the powerful legs almost framing his.
He looked down, hearing his phone clattering against the floor and then up again at Ghost’s face, the high cheekbones and pink lips.
“G-Ghost,” he managed to squeak, heart feeling like it was going to come out through his mouth and he hoped none of their kids came down the stairs because, whilst they’d have time to move apart, Soap didn’t want to.
“Who’s got you smiling like that?” he asked, so close to Soap’s face that he could smell the spearmint gum he was chewing, his favourite.
“’ts no one,” he mumbled, looking down at Ghost’s lips and then lower to his chin and lower to the collarbones hidden under the shirt.
“Look at me, Johnny,” Ghost said and it took him a second, but he still looked up, “are you seeing someone?”
Soap blushed. He wanted to say yes, just to see what Ghost would do, the man was a possessive bastard, but he didn’t dare lie to his husb—ex-husband.
Besides, he was far from seeing SF, none of them ready to meet just yet, but Soap wanted to... maybe soon.
“Are you?” he asked instead.
Ghost chuckled and when Soap tried to look down again, he grabbed him by the chin, making him look up.
“Would you tell me?” Ghost asked him, their mouths just inches apart, “would you tell me if you stop being mine?”
He stared at Ghost with wide eyes, mouth hanging open and cheeks flaming red.
He wanted to say no, of course he’d never stop being Ghost’s, even if they had divorced years ago, but he guessed he had no right, anymore.
“’m not yours,” he mumbled and Ghost let him go.
“You say so,” he said simply and turned around to leave.
It wasn’t the first time they’d done that, or that Ghost had done it to him.
The first few months of their divorce had been hard for all of them but the first time they had been alone—Soap wasn’t proud to say he’d gotten so hard just by looking at Ghost that he’d almost passed out as his blood rushed south.
It had been the last time, before he started with the dating app, that he’d been fucked, right in the same kitchen he was standing in and against the island he currently had his ingredients on while their kids were upstairs in their rooms.
Soap had wanted to feel regret, thought maybe it’d come in the dead of night when he couldn’t sleep but truth be told, he’d slept like a baby.
He’d told Gaz, too, waiting to be scolded but the pervert had asked him for details and Soap had told him how Ghost had taken him so hard, face down against the island, that his feet didn’t even touch the floor for the majority of it and then he’d said something about ‘ trying it with the old man.’
After that, aside from slight touches and feverish glances, they hadn’t gone far, but every time Ghost came to pick up or drop the kids off, Soap found it more and more difficult to avoid Ghost when he got like that... possessive as if Soap was still his.
Maybe because that was exactly what he was, Ghost's.
He shook his head as he heard the front door opening, “introduce them to me,” Ghost said before closing the door behind him.
He breathed in deeply and picked up his phone, SF’s conversation still open, his phone hadn’t even blocked automatically, making him realise just how fast everything had been, even if it’d felt like he’d been staring at Ghost’s eyes for hours.
“Fuck,” he shook his head and started stirring the sauce he was making for the lasagne before it burnt and then he looked at his phone again.
From: SilverFox14
What do you think about meeting?
Soap read and reread the text a dozen times before he finally understood what it meant.
He wanted to call Gaz, tell him SF had finally asked him out, but he couldn’t stop thinking about Ghost.
About the way his breath had fanned against the top of his hair. How his hand felt as he held him by the chin, as he touched him so softly like he hadn’t done in years because their last time had been rushed and hard.
The hard edge of Ghost’s cock that Soap had been able to feel through Ghost’s jeans and his own joggers and the way he’d whispered such possessive words against his mouth.
Then there, Soap decided it was time to move on, he couldn’t keep waiting for Ghost.
To: SilverFox14
id love that