Jaded Edges

by redbulIcan

Summary:

Shen Yuan wakes up within his old body as a child, in what seems to be another world. Okay, could be worse.

 

Wait, this is the novel he died cursing out? Why here of all places!

 

He discovers another child that looks almost identical to him, who he later finds out is the past Shen Qingqiu. What the fuck is going on?!

...

 

Shen Jiu finds a boy with unyielding kindness, something warm, like the sun. He's never been able to hold onto much, let alone long enough to learn to love it, but he desires to keep hold of this particular boy.

Chapter 1: Where the Fuck am I?

Shen Yuan came to consciousness as a small child, which was strange because he swore he'd just been a fully-fledged adult sitting at his desk literally a minute ago. His fingers still tingled from keyboard smashing as he ranted at the stupid novel. His eyes still stung in that specific way that only happened if he spent hours reading on a computer screen. Everything had been as usual. But hours into his binge-reading session, Shen Yuan had felt lightheaded. It seemed something strange occurred after he felt himself passing out. Now he was here.

He had no idea where ‘here' was.

An eyelid peeled open. Blue skies and an angry sun glared down at him. He winced and sat up, a hand going to rub the dried liquid crusting in the corner of his eyes. It was then that he was met with a small, thin hand. Dangerously thin. It didn't even look like a child's, it lacked any baby fat, it was coated with dried dirt and worse of all it had blood on it. Shen Yuan scrambled out of a hollow tree trunk and stumbled into a river. A few droplets of water hit his cheeks and fell back down pinkish. He stared at his reflection, baffled at what he was seeing.

It was Shen Yuan as a child. However, there were a few differences: his cheeks were sharp with hollowness, his eyes shone a bright green instead of his usual dark ones and his hair was a lot darker. He stared at the spots of dried red on his cheeks and felt a rush of fear as he coughed.

Did he die and reincarnate? Where was he? Is this even… earth? There was a distinct lack of traffic, lights from cities, towns or anything. Not to mention he was laying in a lush forest without paddocks, fences or even a damn path! Where should he go? Why was he reborn as a child and not a baby? If he was right, then he'd have forgotten his past life. Maybe instead of a reincarnation, he was transmigrated?

He shuffled to his feet and nearly collapsed. A quick glance at the river made his dry throat rear its ugly head. If his theory was correct, if he wasn't on earth, then surely this water was safe to drink? It lacked any visible chemicals, pollution or waste in it. He crouched and gulped down as much as he could, before walking and thinking.

He must've transmigrated. It made the most sense.

Huh. Shouldn’t he be more freaked out about this? Actually, Shen Yuan felt pretty numb at the moment, so maybe it was just shock.

As he was walking, he heard a small chirping noise ahead of him. Curious but cautious, he snuck as quietly as he could towards the noise, only to be met with an animal trap. A net of thick ropes dangled in the air, a small moving mass squirming within it. He took another step forward and flinched at the loud chirps his movement caused. Peering past the rope, he was stunned at what he saw. A small bird staring down at him. He went still. No fucking way… It was a Spotted Jewel-Winged Sparrow! He had instantly recognised the pattern of emeralds on its black feathered wings. The red spots above its eyes… it had to be. But it was a fictional bird in a fictional novel. A certain awful stallion novel he died ranting about. Surely his luck isn't that bad?

It was.

Should he leave it? He stared into those beady eyes which reminded him of his little sister’s boba. Finally, he broke their eye contact with a huff. “Fine, just because you made me remember my family, I’ll help you out. But don’t get stuck in a trap again, because I’m only helping you out once!” He ranted like the bird could understand him. Walking over, he undid a knot at the base of the net, causing it all to loosen. The bird slipped out and flew to a branch, sitting and watching him with a tilted head. Despite himself, Shen Yuan still felt a smile fill his face. This was so cool! He actually has a chance to meet all the beasts and plants in his fav-- most read novel. Fine, he’ll admit at least that the worldbuilding of Proud Immortal Demon’s Way was his favourite out of all the books he’s ever read. But don’t ever get him started on the plot.

Shen Yuan had been walking (the bird following him for some reason) when he stumbled across a town. Dusty and compacted dirt paths, stalls filled with food and trinkets, clothes and jars of preservatives. Everyone was dressed in the signature xianxia robes, which were spotless despite the dust and dirt being everywhere. Despite there being many cultivators, no one even spared a glance in his direction. Truly, Proud Immortal Demon's Way was a ruthless world. He glanced around some more, admiring how the worldbuilding had been adapted flawlessly in such a realistic environment!

“Hey, you! Either buy something or scram!” The owner whose stall he'd been standing in front of snapped at him. Shen Yuan twisted around and stared at the scruffy, bearded man who glared at him. He rubbed his dirty, slightly bloody face self-consciously and nodded quietly. The man didn't seem to expect this and cursed under his breath, grabbing an apple and shoving it into Shen Yuan's face. “Here. Don't thank me, don't come back for more, just take it and leave.”

Shen Yuan nodded quietly and earnestly, taking the bruised apple and thanking him quietly despite himself. He scampered away, bumping into someone and wishing his vision had at least improved after being shoved into a brand new body. Were glasses even an option here? He fucking hoped they were! He walked as he stared at the apple. Should he eat it now? He'd not a clue how to get more food.

“Hey, you.”

A bitter voice caught his attention. Shen Yuan raised his head and saw someone who looked almost exactly like him. A child like himself, his eyes just as green and hair just as black. The child also seemed shocked, faltering just a bit. He then puffed his chest at Shen Yuan and held out his hand. “This is my territory, I saw you get that apple. Hand it over, that's mine by the rules!” He seemed confident in himself despite the stupid, nonsensical rule he'd used.

“Are we–?”

“I don't have any siblings.”

“Oh…” Shen Yuan's hope for help withered as quickly as it had grown after seeing this boy. It seemed this was just another unrelated child to him. He stared at the outstretched hand then at the apple he was just about to take a bite from. There was no reason to obey but… he was technically still an adult. His brain was mature and fully-developed. The kid across from him would probably struggle more to get food. Shen Yuan handed it over and smiled at the equally dirty boy. “Here you go! We may not be related, but I still wish you the best.”

The boy looked at the apple now sitting on his open palm with bewilderment. Did he not expect Shen Yuan to actually hand it over? He huffed with annoyance at the thought.  “Don't act so surprised, I'm not rude. If you're asking me for it you obviously need it more than me.”

The boy flushed with anger. “I don’t need any charity from you! I'm just taking what’s already mine!”

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes. “Sure, whatever you say. Have a swell day, random stranger!” He waved and left the fuming boy behind. What a strange kid. Were they really not related? He remembered his reflection in the river, then the other boy, and became certain the resemblance was uncanny.

Ah, whatever– he had a whole new world to explore!

He walked down the streets avoiding alleyways and sketchy looking men. The streets went from compacted dirt to a firm cobblestone, which his feet started to protest against. Buildings became more fancy, with angled roofs painted in deep reds to the walls being lined with their own designs. He marvelled at the architecture and felt himself smiling at it. He remembered reading about something in his old world about how the environment changes one’s mood. He’d been inclined to believe it, as he lived in a big city of concrete and tar, and he’d been in gloom the whole time. The city had been cold. Grey. Lifeless and polluted. But here? The air was so fresh he wanted to inhale deeply with every step! Scents from stalls that would’ve otherwise been concealed within plastic wrappers and glass jars wafted through the air. The bright colours danced in his cornea like bursts of fireworks.

He felt stellar!

His feet also ached, however, the soles of his shoes full of holes and worn paper-thin. That could be dealt with, he’d just get new ones. With what money? He’ll figure that out soon enough. What if he couldn’t? Actually, now that he thought about it, he was starting to get a hunger in his stomach that he had no food to fill. What if he… He had a whole new world to explore, he repeated to himself whenever a negative thought popped into his head. He’d spent years during his past life being depressed, and the conditioning of those years were still etched into his head. He could-- he could-- His optimistic thoughts were soon drowned out by another issue. One that filled the void in his chest that he’d been elated over when he’d first woken up. Shen Yuan felt something else start to form.

A stinging ache. A familiar burn in his chest. It burned outward, until his lungs began to catch fire also. A rush of surprise and dawning worry flashed in his head and caused him to stumble. It took a moment for reality to hit him. Immense disappointment washed over Shen Yuan. Really? ...Did his illnesses transfer over? He’s still just as ill as he’d been in his previous life?

No. no no no! That couldn’t be! This is a new body, right? Sure, it looked a bit like him, but it also had different coloured eyes and hair! There was no way that his diseased organs were taken over with him when he transmigrated. That made no fucking sense! That was just fate being cruel.

He had a sudden notion, and stopped still.

In his past life he struggled to survive even with his family's wealth, love and support. Here, he was alone as a child again. How long would he last here?

Eventually he was forced to stop. He sat down in the alleyway and bit back tears. Shen Yuan decided to blame his tears on being a kid again which was obviously… stupid. He’s being stupid. This world’s stupid. This whole new life he’d been ready to experience was so fucking stupid. He'd probably die in a few days before even seeing the plot play out. Before he could see the protagonist he so dearly cheered on. What kind of shitty luck was this? Where was the system he’s supposed to have so he can complain?! At least if he had one, even if they were notoriously annoying in novels, Shen Yuan would be able to seek some guidance and direction.

His stomach grumbled.

“Fuck!” He hissed under his breath and curled into himself. What was this bullshit? He felt tears build up in his eyes, burning hot and trying to fall down his face. He felt so pathetic it infuriated him. If fate wanted to fuck him over, it could’ve at least eased him into it.

He sniffled and wiped the tears away when he heard a chirp. His head raised and he saw the bird from before sitting a few feet away from him, a walnut in its beak. He blinked away the tears in bemusement, before bursting into laughter. He’d been drowning in his own frustration and suddenly being interrupted snapped him out of it. It felt like he was being judged by the critter for crying. Shen Yuan slowly counted in his head as he let his hands rub against the cold stones underneath him, soothing his nerves until he calmed down. 

 If his older brother had seen him right now, he would've kicked Shen Yuan for giving up so quickly. Shen Yuan lived to his early twenties while suffering from this condition. He could damn well do it again!

“What a beautiful bird you are…” He murmured with a watery smile. “My name is Shen Yuan. I really like your sparkly jewels. You should leave before anyone sees you.” After all, people killed these birds to harvest the gems from their wings, leaving the rest of their bodies to rot. It was a shame too, since the oil they used to clean their feathers had an antibacterial property. He shuffled closer and watched the bird flinch and fly away. The smile left his face as he sighed. Though, the walnut was still laying on the floor.

Was he a Disney princess all of a sudden? He laughed at the thought and stashed the walnut into his shirt.

For now, he needs to find somewhere more advantageous.

He continued to explore, taking breaks when he needed them. Which was often. He eventually had to eat the walnut to ease the pain in his gut as it churned. Staring at the setting sky, he'd briefly debated going back to the hollow trunk he woke up in, before deciding that the walls of an alleyway would be better protection if it started to rain. Unlike the concrete blocks in his old world, these houses had angled roofs that he could sit under and be sheltered from any weather. Shen Yuan carefully poked his head down each alleyway until he found an empty one. He shuffled in and picked up a bag of rubbish, rummaging through it. Thankfully the people in this world were just as wasteful as those on earth, because he found a half torn shirt big enough to use as a blanket. He sat in a corner and tried to sleep, ignoring how shitty of a first day it’d been for him. 

He woke up what felt like minutes later, but judging by the moon peeking into the alleyway from above him, it must've been hours. He glanced around as he tried to find whatever woke him up. His eyes fell on a small hunched figure at the very start of the alley. The figure’s body was slumped against the cobble wall, a hand on their leg as they gasped in pain. Shen Yuan shot up and walked over. He wasn’t trying to be sneaky, so the person heard him and turned to hiss as a warning.

The boy from earlier glared up at him with a feral fire in his eyes.

“H– Hello…” Shen Yuan felt intimidated by that stare, then felt stupid because this was only a small, malnourished child. He was the top dog here!

“Get away from me!” The boy hissed.

“You're hurt…” The moonlight made it easy to spot the blood on him, though the smell of rust was strong enough to have guessed anyway. Making up his mind to help the rude kid, he got on his knees. “Let me look.”

“Fuck off!” The boy yelled, trying to scamper backwards but only managing to scrape his back against the wall. Shen Yuan raised his hands and leaned back a bit.

“I just want to help. We're practically doppelgangers for some reason, so I'd like to think it's fate I keep bumping into you.”

“Or you're stalking me.”

“Why would I stalk you?!” Shen Yuan exclaimed as he tore a strip of fabric from the old shirt. He leaned forward and held it up. “You stole from me! Now please, will you let me help you? I am going to tie this around your leg to slow down the bleeding until it clots on its own.”

The boy glared at the offered hand, before swiping the torn fabric. “I'll do it myself.” He sat and looped it around his thin leg, tightening it as far as he could then tying it off. He stared at the knife wound on his upper calf with disgust. Then his gaze snapped up to Shen Yuan. “Why are you helping me? I don't owe anyone shit, if you want a favour then leave already.”

Shen Yuan shrugged. “I dunno, I just wanted to, I guess. Is that so weird?”

“Yes.” The boy jeered and looked at Shen Yuan intently. His eyes flickered up and down with extreme judgement. It felt like he was nitpicking Shen Yuan's entire soul to pieces. He closed his eyes, humphed, then tilted back to rest his head against the wall. “You do look a lot like me, I’ll admit. But if you've misplaced trust in me because of that, you'll be sorely mistaken. You can stick with me, but if I have to, I'll happily kick your ass to save my own.”

Shen Yuan beamed. Despite the harsh words, he felt happy. “Thank you!”

“Whatever.” He boy rolled his eyes with such practised exaggeration that he must've been a professional at it. Shen Yuan unabashedly took a thorough look at this face. Their eyes were almost the exact shade of green, but while his eyes were bright like emeralds, this boy's were slightly muted, like jade. Their hair was equally greasy and thin but it was obvious the color was the same. Not to mention the shape of their faces, perhaps if Shen Yuan gained some fat on his cheeks, he'd look even more similar. He sighed and shuffled to lean against the wall with the boy.

“My name is Shen Yuan.”

“I'm not telling you my name.”

He snickered under his breath. “Alright then, I'll just call you gege.”

Gege's eyes went wide and he glared, his face flushing a mad red. “You– we're not siblings!” He spat, then gave up, sneering into the cold air and looking away from Shen Yuan, who was wholly amused at the reaction he got. He closed his eyes, hoping for sleep to return to him. But it seemed like fate had it out for him, because his chest suddenly constricted and he started to cough. His lungs burned and he doubled over, a hand shooting up to clasp at his chest, right where he felt his heart on fire. He numbly felt another person’s hand on his back and a voice.

“What's wrong with you? Did you seriously help me while you’re also hurt?” Gege asked and Shen Yuan squeezed his eyes shut, shaking his trembling head. He felt a sigh of relief from the other kid, but he still muttered under his breath about Shen Yuan being weird. He sounded tense despite his harsh words.

When the pain eventually went away, he still felt his limbs aching from how tense he'd made them during the attack. His fingers ached from being pushed and bent against his chest. Shen Yuan inhaled shakily and forced his back straight, staring at Gege, who was equally wary as he was confused. “Are you sick?” He eventually asked, the harshness of his voice strangely absent.

Shen Yuan nodded, feeling as pathetic as he did back in his old world. Here he was making another stranger worried for him. He really was useless.

“Useless?” Gege mumbled then shook his head with a growing smile. “No, no, we can use this. Someone might give you food out of pity.” He then stopped and looked up at Shen Yuan with a cautious, calculated gleam in his eyes. “It's not lethal, right?” He asked like it was a forethought, though at least he still asked in the end. It made Shen Yuan feel less like he had just teamed up with a sociopath, but just a kid trying to make the best with whatever he got.

The fact that his first thought at seeing Shen Yuan get sick was how to use it felt like a shock to his system. This was a cruel world, with a cruel future for it. There would be many scenes worse than this, this world's protagonist would be so much worse than this kid after blackening. A kid just trying to survive. Like he had to in his old world.

“It isn't.” Shen Yuan clarified, stunned. This was the first time someone saw him have a health episode and found a use for it. It was weird. But strangely, it made his chest inflate with giggles. Gege stared at him, flabbergasted. He wiped a tear from his eye and grinned up at the boy. “I'll help you get food, but you gotta take care of me, alright Gege?”

“Stop calling… ah, whatever. My name is Jiu– just Jiu.”

“Jiu-gege?”

His face flushed. “Shut up!”

 

---

 

The scene went like this:

Shen Yuan laying in the street, pretending to struggle, inhaling and gasping. Jiu-gege shook him while trying to hold back tears (he was a good actor) while onlookers looked with sympathy at the touching scene. Despite the pain in his chest, Shen Yuan almost wanted to laugh at how bizarre it all was. Here was a boy who was cursing him out last night and now he was acting like they were bonded siblings. But what was more bizarre was it worked! After a young cultivator helped Shen Yuan regulate his body with qi and get rid of the pain, they left to buy food for both of the boys. 

Jiu-gege sat on the stone step with a wide grin on his face as he tore into the meat bun warming his hands. He stared at Shen Yuan as though he was his golden finger. Maybe he was, because this was the best thing he's eaten since he got here! Shen Yuan had been reluctant at first when they’d walked into the middle of the road, but then he remembered how desperate Jiu-gege had been when trying to get that apple from him, and how hungry he must’ve been. After that, it was fair game. After spending two decades in his past life being in pain, he could act it out like an expert. Call him an actor because he aced it! Shen Yuan should’ve become a scammer in his past life, because acting came to him as easy as arguing did.

He snacked on the bun while staring at the crowds of walking people in front of him. It felt strange, seeing people dressed in robes and not shorts, skirts or shirts. To see men’s hair long and tied into buns, or just loosely hanging in the air. He observed quietly like a fly on the wall, waiting to be dragged off somewhere else. He wasn’t the expert after all, Shen Yuan was just experiencing this world for what it was, after that? He wasn’t sure. Was Luo Binghe already born? How far into the plot was this world? Perhaps the protagonist wasn’t even born yet! But if that was the case, would Shen Yuan die before he could ever see his favourite character rise to the status of a demon lord? He mindlessly finished his bun as he was thinking these thoughts, unaware that he was being stared at.

Meanwhile, Xiao Jiu was thinking about this young boy he’d taken in with a furrowed brow. Should he keep him? Run away after Yuan’s purpose is done? That’s happened to Xiao Jiu before, so maybe he’d be doing this overly-kind, trusting boy a favour by teaching him the ways of the streets. At first, Xiao-Jiu had been suspicious, this boy did not carry the aura of someone who’d spent their life on the streets, yet he was obviously starved, alone and sick. So what was going on with him? Xiao Jiu would stick around with him for now and deduce how much of his kind act was just a lie.

Of course, Shen Yuan had no idea what was going through the other boy’s head. After he finished his meal, he stared around at the streets. How many times would he have to act like that for food? Don’t get him wrong, he’d happily do it! It’s just that… in his past life, despite his body being sick and fragile, he still was privileged to have never needed to work for his next meal. His loving family always had enough to fund his diet, hobbies and non-existant work ethic. Shen Yuan was already dreading this new life of his, but as long as he was able to function, then he’d happily take this new body over his old one. Although it was still more vulnerable than what seemed to be normal here, he could still walk without getting exhausted, he could still exercise and play. He could still experience life like a semi-normal person. That was enough for him.

“Come with me.” He grabbed Shen Yuan’s hand, who stared up with surprise, not expecting to be suddenly dragged away. He followed, wondering what Jiu-gege was up to. He didn’t really know much about the strange boy, but he wanted to trust him just so he wasn’t alone in this strange world. He stumbled after Jiu-gege into a different alley, where another young, taller boy was watching them with a kind smile.

“Xiao-Jiu, who is this?” The boy asked, staring warily at Shen Yuan. He was tall, which was strange for a malnourished orphan. He also had dark hair, but his eyes were a soft brown and radiated warmth like cups of hot cocoa. He absolutely exuded big brother energy! Shen Yuan was startled into silence and watched as Jiu-gege introduced him to this apparent Qi-ge of his.

They stared at each other, before Shen Yuan smiled warmly at him. Another child, huh? Who would’ve guessed that Jiu-gege was much nicer than he made himself appear to be! Despite his prickly attitude, he still let others in on his little schemes, shared their… wait a minute, is he joining a gang?! He must’ve said that aloud, because Jiu-gege snickered and the other boy stifled a smile behind his hand, eyes crinkling with amusement. Shen Yuan blushed and hid behind Jiu-gege, trying not to take offence to being laughed at.

But then, when he poked his head out, Qi-ge faltered before walking up to him. He pinched one of Shen Yuan’s cheeks and leaned in, peering curiously at his face then back toward the now grumpy Jiu-gege, who had crossed his arms and wielded a scowl. “Before you ask, no, we are not siblings. This is Yuan. He’s the reason I got this--” Jiu-ge reached into his shirt and pulled out half of a meatbun and handed it over to Qi-ge. Huh?! He’s sharing? This boy was totally a tsundere!

“How?”

“He’s sick, and apparently good at acting because of it. You should’ve seen him!” Jiu-ge then laughed wickedly, a cruel smirk on his face, “those cultivators were totally convinced! They rushed over to help like stupid idiots and even gave us food and some money!” Jiu-ge took out a wallet, which made Shen Yuan’s eyes bulge out of his head. They didn’t give them money, Jiu-ge stole that! He didn’t say anything though, his heart racing and trying to stay calm. Did this boy know how strong cultivators were? What if they came back for revenge or even to take them to prison?! Neither of the other boys seemed to care, so Shen Yuan went over and took the wallet from Jiu-gege’s hands. “Hey- what are you doing?!” He snapped to Shen Yuan, who jumped back a few steps.

“You stole it, what if they come back looking for it? We’re the first people they’ll look for!”

“Then I’ll beat them up!” Jiu-gege sneered and leapt for the wallet, which Shen Yuan held up and pranced around. “No, no!” Shen Yuan yelled, “I refuse! I’m returning this before we get hunted down!”

Jiu-gege looked pissed, which intimidated Shen Yuan more than he’d like to admit. He bit his lip and shook his head. What the fuck was he doing? He’s an adult! So what if he’s trapped in this body?! He’s the older, wiser, smarter one out of everyone here! So he ran out of the alleyway and into the streets, Jiu-gege hot on his heels and Qi-ge also by proxy. They all ran past the crowds of people ignoring them. Shen Yuan cursed himself while Jiu-gege cursed at him too. Qi-ge was so fast! He quickly caught up and held out a hand to try and grab Shen Yuan’s shirt, who ducked the hand and yelped. “I’m trying to help!” He yelled. Passerbys watched them curiously but none intervened. As far as they were concerned, these were just some annoying orphans who’d shut up soon.

He was tackled to the floor by Jiu-ge, who straddled him and wrestled for the wallet. Shen Yuan let out an undignified squeal. “Give it back.” Jiu-gege snapped and he shook his head violently. They were interrupted when someone grabbed Jiu-gege by the collar of his shirt and lifted him up. Shen Yuan watched with horror as the cultivators who helped them were standing around them, frowns on their faces. The one holding Jiu-gege looked disgusted and when he saw the wallet in Shen Yuan’s hands, turned to sneer at his friend.

“See? This is why you don’t help out these kids. They’re all liars and scammers!”

The one who fed them looked betrayed, and Shen Yuan felt flushed from extersion but also from the looks of displeasure by everyone on the street. He scrambled to his feet and handed it over, Jiu-gege shouting and cursing all the while. “This lowly one apologises, we were just desperate for some change. We haven’t spent any yet, in fact, we were just looking for you to return this. Really, I’m sorry.” He bowed his head and listened to Jiu-gege’s spluttering of awful words, some that even Shen Yuan didn’t know.

“I bet he’s lying. This one I caught was trying to take it off this one.” The mean cultivator then gestured to Jiu-gege. “Let’s teach this one a lesson, let the sickly one go.”

Shen Yuan felt himself go cold with terror. He shook his head rapidly, feeling the guilt hit him all at once. “No, wait! It was the other way around! I… this one was trying to run off with it.” He mumbled. Jiu-gege finally went quiet. “This one sincerely apologises to the esteemed cultivators and hopes he’ll be let off.”

“I don’t buy it.”

“Let’s just punish them both. That’ll teach them!”

A sudden thump caught his attention. His head shot up to see that Qi-ge, who had been absent until this point, had run off to grab a plank of wood and smashed it over one of the cultivator’s heads. The one he hit was holding Jiu-gege, who fell and quickly leapt to his feet. For a moment, everyone stood in silence. The cultivators looked at Qi-ge with disbelief, who was staring at Jiu-gege. But instead of running away immediately, Jiu-gege’s eyes instead fell upon Shen Yuan. His face was… complicated. Many emotions ranging from rage to guilt, confusion to disbelief that the boy was willing to take on the punishment despite not being in the wrong. Jiu-gege hissed with annoyance and pounced forward, snatching Shen Yuan by the arm and dragging him off. Qi-ge ran with them, spinning around to toss the plank at the closest cultivator, who took the hit with a grunt and fell over.

“You dumbass!” Jiu-gege sneered at Shen Yuan, “I can’t believe you- why are you so nice? It’s dumb! You’re dumb!” Was he being told off or complimented? Shen Yuan couldn’t really tell. Still, as they ran, he felt himself smile as Jiu-gege continued. “Taking the blame for me? What an idiot.”

They ducked through an alley. Although they were only children, they knew their way around the town and could easily evade the angry cultivators following in pursuit. It took only half an hour until the chase was over and they were safe. Shen Yuan collapsed and struggled to breathe. He felt a hand on his back and turned to see Qi-ge comforting him, rubbing circles into his back as Jiu-gege stormed back and forward in the most aggressive pacing Shen Yuan had ever witnessed.

He felt his chest starting to close in around his lungs and he fell onto his side, curled up into a ball and trying to tell himself that this feeling of impending death was only a symptom and not a fact. He was in safe hands. He was safe. He was not going to die again. Still, he felt his eyes water and squeezed them shut, pressing his face into an arm to hide his sniffling.

It took an hour before the attack passed.

Qi-ge helped him lean against the wall, while Jiu-gege had taken a seat beside him.

“I’m sorry.” Shen Yuan started, staring at his feet. “I just didn’t want you to get in trouble, A-Jiu…”

“Whatever, I didn’t want that money anyway!” He grumbled, then looked up with shock as Shen Yuan dumped the wallet onto his lap with a watery grin. 

“They didn’t end up taking it…” He explained with a blush.

A-Jiu started to laugh. It started off as a small chuckle, then exploded like wildfire. He wheezed and doubled over, chest wracking with each laugh. He shook his head, wiping the amused tears from the corner of his eyes. When he finally looked up at the two boys staring down at him, he grinned with all his teeth, canines sharp and threatening. “We'll get along just fine, A-Yuan.”

Chapter 2: He's The Scum Villain?!

Notes:

Maybe some warnings?
There is some mildy violent descriptions. Mentions of other typical Shen Jiu backstory occurrences.

“Qi-ge. What do you think of him?”

Xiao Jiu was sitting on the steps into an empty shrine while Qi-ge leaned against the railing. Hollow, torn lanterns hung from rotted wooden beams. The holes in the ceiling made the ground become spotted with patches of sunlight. The sun burned his skin and he shuffled closer into the shade. This shrine used to be busy and filled with people, but then an invasion of mould formed within the wood. Over time it decayed and was left behind. It made for a good shelter at least, even if it made their breathing difficult and their lungs ache.

They watched as Shen Yuan wandered and picked stones off the ground around the street. He wondered if the other boy had lost his mind. The younger –Xiao Jiu assumed he was older since Shen Yuan was smaller– crouched and picked up another stone, smiling ear to ear as he walked off. For some reason, he'd been collecting them for the past hour. Some big, some small. Xiao Jiu had no idea what they were for. He had set on stalking Shen Yuan today and was expecting something far different than whatever this was.

“I don't know. He is kindhearted and shy but…” Qi-ge closed his eyes and shook his head. “He is clever. Cleverer than he seems. But at the same time, it does not seem like he's hiding it deliberately. More like, he’s unaware of it.” Qi-ge paused again, then smiled slightly. “His demeanour is not that of an orphan, or even a naive child. However, I sense no ill-will. He has his secrets but so does every other orphan. I think he is safe, Xiao Jiu.”

Xiao Jiu picked at his fingers, eyes still glued to Shen Yuan. “His goodness. I do not trust it.”

“He helped you earlier. He would've gotten nothing out of it but he still did so.”

Xiao Jiu shook his head and stood up. “I didn't mean I think he's pretending. I fully believe he's as kind and naive as he appears.”

The boy was kind, sure. He wore his heart on his sleeve, sure. But that didn’t mean he was to be trusted. Quite the opposite, in fact. People like him were easily manipulated. People like him tried to believe in the good of everyone. All it takes for people like him is a few kind words and he’d follow along with any heinous act they wanted, as long as he believed it was for the greater good. People like him are used as scapegoats, blamed for it, then beheaded after they’re useless.

If he trusts Xiao Jiu first, he’ll become a useful asset. But if his mind has already been tainted by someone else’s influence, he’s as good as shit. Xiao Jiu only let him in because he stuck out his skin to save Xiao Jiu, despite putting himself in danger. Xiao Jiu isn’t dumb, he knows he isn’t exactly polite or even kindhearted, so the fact that Shen Yuan still helped him dumbfounded him. Although he decided to stalk him and gather as much information as possible, he didn’t hate the boy either.

“Xiao Jiu.”

He hummed in lieu of a response.

“Are you sure you didn't have any siblings?”

“How would I know, anyway? My parents didn't exactly let me stick around to figure that out.” He scoffed bitterly and began pacing down the steps. His eyes were still glued to the eerily similar boy preparing to leave. “I'll find out now if he has any secrets.”

“Be safe, Xiao Jiu.”

Shen Yuan was headed for the forest. His steps clumsy and noisy. He didn't come off as a hider, or even perceptive. He hadn't the slightest clue that he was being followed and it made Xiao Jiu uneasy. What if it was someone else following him instead? What if someone was able to get close to him and take him away? That's what happens to naive people. What happened to the last orphan he befriended.

A jiejie like Shen Yuan. Kindhearted, naive and utterly foolish. He remembered her bright smile, her laughter that was as light as her honeyed eyes. How her screams pierced his ears as she was taken by slavers.

Men really were awful beasts. He'd learned that then.

He ducked behind a tree as Shen Yuan halted in front of a river.

“Hmm… this would be good for bathing. Perfect privacy, clean water…”

Another thing to note: Shen Yuan mumbled a lot. His thoughts trickled from his mouth without much awareness. Something else that could lead to issues in the future. Xiao Jiu frowned, but at least appreciated how the boy was attentive enough to try and stay clean. Xiao Jiu may be a mess but it wasn't like he wanted to be. He had to settle for what he got and more often than not, what he got was nothing.

“Birdie? Are you here?” Shen Yuan suddenly raised his voice. “I wanted to offer my proper gratitude for the walnut!”

Was this boy mental?

“Ah, nevermind then. I have a game to make!” He declared and sat by the river, washing a pile of stones while dipping another pile into mud and letting them dry solid. Xiao Jiu watched the whole time with confused eyes, trying to figure out what the other boy was doing. It felt like he was watching forever until Shen Yuan finished whatever he was doing. He stood up and gathered everything into his arms. But as he'd gotten ready to leave, there was a rustle in the bushes.

Xiao Jiu's eyes snapped upward into the forest shrubbery. He couldn't see anything from the densely packed leaves and twigs. Which meant neither could Shen Yuan. He spluttered in disbelief as Shen Yuan walked over to the bush without a care in the world. What the hell is he doing?! Has he no self-preservation at all?!

Before he could decide on what to do, the bush moved again and something small came out. He had no clue what it was, but whatever it was, it made Shen Yuan gasp in glee and crouch down immediately. His long hair touched the dirt but unlike Xiao Jiu, he didn’t seem to notice, like he wasn’t even used to keeping that kind of lengthy hair clean. Before he could nitpick anything else about Shen Yuan’s habits, the other boy spoke up with a voice so soft and gentle Xiao Jiu did a double take. “What lovely scales you have! I don't know what kind of beast you are, but you are stunning.”

Was it a lizard? A snake? He was speaking so kindly to it. And why did Xiao Jiu feel almost upset over it? He only had this feeling when other kids called Qi-ge, well, Qi-ge. But that’s his nickname for the boy! Others weren't allowed to use it, only Xiao Jiu could. But if this was the same feeling, then why was he envious of a dumb beast? The idea pissed him off even more, until he was quietly seething from behind the tree. He crept closer, ducking behind a bush and poking his head over. Normally he’d be more careful, but Shen Yuan was oblivious to an alarming degree. Whatever he was cooing at and complimenting had his full attention. At least Shen Yuan could only give attention, or Xiao Jiu might pop a blood vessel from his stupidity.

Shen Yuan pulled something out of his pocket and passed it over. “Here. I only have half a meatbun left, sorry.”

?!????!?!????!!?

He had enough. He stormed out of hiding with a glare. “Why are you giving away your food?!”

Shen Yuan spun around with wide eyes. “A-Jiu? What are you doing here?”

“Answer me first, you gave away your food to what, a lizard?!”

“Snake, actually.”

“Don't avoid answering.”

Shen Yuan sighed and stood aside. “It's gone anyway. No need to argue over it.”

Xiao Jiu stepped closer. “But why?” He felt the exact same way when Shen Yuan actually gave him the apple. Sure, Xiao Jiu would’ve kicked his head in for it if he hadn’t, but at that time, Shen Yuan didn’t even seem worried or intimidated. He’d given Xiao Jiu that apple for reasons other than fear, something he didn’t understand. Now that he saw that kindness be extended toward something other than him, he certainly felt a sharp pang of jealousy shoot through him.

“I dunno, I kinda felt bad for it. it was so sickly and thin.” He explained as though he wasn't sickly and thin as well. Xiao Jiu exhaled slowly and shook his head with disbelief. “Now tell me what you were doing, A-Jiu. Were you following me? Actually, nevermind. “ Shen Yuan smiled cheekily and showed off his stones. One set was slightly lighter than the other as a result of the mud. “Come back with me, A-Jiu, I’m gonna show you a new game!”

“A game?” He echoed.

Was he really just going to ignore the blatant fact that Xiao Jiu had been following him this whole time? There was no way he blindly trusted Xiao Jiu that much. This had to be an act, it had to be. He walked closer and grabbed Shen Yuan tightly by the arm, staring right into his eyes. They were such a bright green, they had more vibrancy than the forest around them. They also shone with joy. Such immense joy that Xiao Jiu couldn’t help but feel consumed by it. His chest felt light. His hand felt like it was being burnt by his skin. He withdrew it and sighed loud and long. Act or not, he’d discern that later. But right at this moment, he wanted to savour this feeling for as long as he could. It felt like being full for the first time. It felt like when he first met Qi-ge and felt safe around another male for the first time.

“You’re just going to brush over the fact that I was stalking you?” He should’ve let it go, but now he was really confused and desperate for an explanation.

“I mean, I know what kind of life you must’ve lived until now. Of course you wouldn’t trust me, and I shouldn’t be upset that you don’t. Trust takes time. I’d like to think of myself as a very patient person! I once waited two whole days for a web novel to be updated! Two. Days.” He exclaimed then seemed to notice that Xiao Jiu didn’t understand his terminology. “Anyways, I can wait. Do what you need to to feel safe.”

Xiao Jiu’s head hurt from all the words. He shook his head with an exasperated sigh. “Fine, show me what this game is, then.”

 

---

“This game sucks.”

Shen Yuan couldn’t help but smile as A-Jiu crossed his arms with an angry pout, glaring at the floor between them. It took only several losses before he snapped. Scratched into the cobblestone was a chessboard which Shen Yuan had the brilliant idea of putting together for them all. He grinned victoriously as he moved a small rock onto A-Jiu’s ‘king’ piece. “It doesn’t suck, you do.”

A-Jiu’s eyes flashed and he stood up. The pout on his face somehow became even more aggressive. “Stupid game!” He snapped then stormed off, most likely toward the river where they washed up before.

Shen Yuan shook his head with an indulgent smile, remembering how his younger sister would react in the exact same way after being beaten during their games. He stared down at the board with fondness and traced the etched lines. He’d gathered enough stones to mimic all of the chess pieces, using mud to change one set colour to a brownish colour. Although it made the pieces slightly sticky, he didn’t have any dye he could use to change the colour properly. Maybe he should change one set to pieces of bark? That could work as a fine replacement.

“Where did you learn this game?” Qi-ge spoke up and Shen Yuan’s head snapped up. He’d forgotten the other boy was here. He tried to think up an excuse, avoiding the intense stare being directed his way.

“Huh? Ah… I made it up.”

“I see.”

Honestly, Qi-ge unnerved him. He was kind, polite and caring toward Shen Yuan. But he was also quiet and held his thoughts to himself unlike A-Jiu. His eyes were always wandering and always watching, his face either blank or curved into the nicest smile you’d ever see. In some ways, he reminded Shen Yuan of post-blackening Luo Binghe. He was impossible to guess, hid his emotions well, and hid his strength behind smiles. Not to say that he was evil as post-blackening Luo Binghe. Far from it! Qi-ge was the one who talked sense into A-Jiu and took care of other kids on the streets. He was always the one who’d offer his food first if someone else needed it. He really was the perfect older brother anyone could wish for!

As long as you were on his good side.

Speaking of. “How did you meet A-Jiu?” Shen Yuan asked and watched Qi-ge perk a brow.

“He was fighting another kid for a piece of bread, so I offered mine to him. He was more…” Qi-ge paused for a moment, picking his words well. “...trusting, I suppose. He stuck with me after that. Then some things happened and he became like he is now. I doubt he’d want me talking about it, even if it was to you, A-Yuan.”

Shen Yuan shook his head with a small smile. “I understand, we should follow him.”

“Of course.”

They walked out of the town and into the forest, following the sound of trickling water and rustling until they found A-Jiu, who was already half undressed and washing his underarms in the river. A-Jiu had told him on the way back that they used that river often. Which was a shame since Shen Yuan wanted to get some brownie points for finding such a good place. There were still two rags hanging on a branch above them, the other A-Jiu had grabbed and was currently using. Qi-ge also began to wash himself. Shen Yuan was still hesitant, unused to not having a shower or privacy.

“Stop being so meek.” A-Jiu snapped, sitting further away on a boulder. He was already slipping on his shirt again, not bothering to dry himself and instead laying on the warm stone. His wet hair fell all the way down to the grass, grazing the soil and dripping water into it. His hair had the potential to be beautiful, but without the proper hair care, it remained brittle and thin. Which was a shame, Shen Yuan thought.

“Don’t be mean, Xiao Jiu.”

He grumbled but listened.

Getting over his embarrassment, Shen Yuan quickly washed himself off also. After, he rinsed the washcloth into the river before draping back over the same branch. His wet hair stuck to his neck and he felt like shaking it off every second. He’d never get used to it, never!

His annoyed thoughts were disrupted by chirping from above. His head shot up as he recognised the sound with a joyful beam. Sitting on the branch was the same bird as before. It nestled into a comfortable position, beady boba eyes glued to all three of them. Shen Yuan had gone completely still when staring up, which caught the other two’s gaze. When A-Jiu looked upward, his eyes immediately fell upon the jewels embedded into the wings of it.

“That bird has gems in it.”

“Yup. It's a–” Shen Yuan cut himself off. If he said the name, they might question how he even knew what it was to begin with. Hastily finishing his sentence, he grabbed the first word that came to mind. “– a bird. ”

“A bird?” A-Jiu exclaimed sarcastically. “Who would’ve guessed that, A-Yuan?” He then stood up from the boulder he’d been happily absorbing sun from. “If we catch it, we could get a fortune.”

Shen Yuan's eyes widened. “Wait! There's no reason to kill it!”

“It's just a dumb animal, why are you being so defensive over it?” A-Jiu countered.

Why was he? It is just a bird. But at the same time, it’s also the first creature he stumbled across in this world. Of course he’d feel somewhat attached to it! Not to mention that it gave him a walnut. A walnut! That was practically a bird’s way of offering friendship! There was no way he’d let it be killed.

“It's my friend!” Shen Yuan exclaimed and walked to the tree, standing directly under it and crossing his arms over a puffed-out chest. “It gave me food before cus I saved it.”

Qi-ge looks concerned. “Did you hit your head, A-Yuan?”

“No, I'm perfectly fine–” at that moment, something hard hit his head and he winced. He then burst into a victorious grin and held up the walnut the bird had dropped on his head like a kid showing off a participation trophy to their parents. “See? It's chill with me!”

“Chill?” A-Jiu questioned his choice of words, before shaking his head with a sigh. “I doubt we could have caught it anyway.”

"Thank you, gege!"

They prepared to leave and Shen Yuan grabbed a stick, digging it into the soil and loosening the dirt. Worms were crawling about and he collected a handful of them, laying them out on a nearby boulder and crushing them into what he hoped was a delicious meal.  Shen Yuan glanced back up at the bird and let a tender smile fill his face. He’ll return the gesture, repaying kindness with kindness made companions. “Little bird, be careful. I hope I get to see you again soon!”

“A-Yuan, hurry up!” A-Jiu yelled from further ahead and Shen Yuan quickly ran after them.

The bird was left alone.

It hopped off the branch and sat on the boulder, beginning to peck at the worms. With no humans around, the forest was deathly quiet. Only the breeze dared make sound, rustling anxious branches and leaves around. Sunlight danced in the bird’s exquisite jewels. Deep viridian emeralds and luminescent opals shimmered around dark feathers. Its body had been tense, but as it began to eat, it lowered its guard for a mere moment, enjoying the gift presented to it.

Then it was dead.

An arrow flew out and struck it directly in the eye. Blood poured onto the worms, then the boulder and then finally, the hungry soil.

A man walked out of a bush, clad in black and a bow on his back. He strolled leisurely to the corpse and stared down at it with a wide grin. “Finally caught you, damned bird.” His red eyes trailed across the body then rested on the pile of worms it was slumped over. “What is that, a poor excuse for a trap? How pathetic, you fall for this but not my nets? Aiyah, I spent so much on that rope too.”

He ripped the arrow out and the eyeball popped out with it.

He remembered how upset he was when he went back to his traps and found that not only were they empty, one in particular had been loosened so whatever had been caught was released. He shrugged his shoulders and began to rip the jewels out of the bird. Tendon and flesh snapped, the nerves connecting the stones to the body broke easily, falling in white lines on the bloody mess. He took his sweet time deforming the corpse, before washing the jewels in the river and smiling. 

“A stupid kid, probably. Ah, it doesn't matter now, these'll make a good necklace.”

 

---

 

A year passed by.

Happiness, Shen Yuan had come to understand, was similar to nature. Fleeting; cycles that couldn’t be prevented no matter what. Sometimes, it was just too cold for flowers to flourish and other times, flowers were all you could see. People’s emotions were also just as ephemeral as everything else.

Their time of happiness remained for a year.

In that time, they’d grown so close they could almost be called brothers. Shen Yuan looked up to A-Jiu like a brother, who in turn seemed to trust him. Shen Yuan learned more about the world he now inhabited. Not the tiny details he absorbed in the novel, but pieces of information even Airplane didn't bother writing into it. Either out of laziness or because even an author couldn't write out an entire world with limited words. Whichever it was, he commited it all to memory as though he'd read it directly out of Proud Immortal Demon’s Way. 

Qi-ge had also become dear to him. Although they looked different, Shen Yuan thought of him just as much of a brother as A-Jiu. He always seemed to know when Shen Yuan was about to have a health episode, guiding him somewhere quiet so he could suffer without eyes on him. It always led to Shen Yuan clinging to Qi-ge, stifling sobs and trying to breathe away the pain in his chest. Those moments of vulnerability led to their bond strengthening.

Overall, everything seemed to be going well.

Then those men came to town.

The first time, nothing came out of it. The three of them had only hid as horses rode through the streets. One of them, the richest looking of them all, had a black whip dangling from his hand, dragging across the dirt and leaving a thin line in the dust. He’d sneer and hit anyone who got in his way, even jabbing his horse in its side to make it kick a beggar child who had walked behind them. The resounding crush that followed was sickening, no worse than the fact that the child was left to die as the men continued without care. Shen Yuan had no idea who they were but not only did they seem like a big deal, they were demons. Perhaps not literally, but most certainly figuratively. Actually, at least demons in this novel had potential to be kind.

After the men left, Shen Yuan darted out to the child, kneeling and holding her head to access the damage. He’ll admit, his eyes began to water as he assessed the damage.

It was a lost cause.

One of the child’s eyes was bulging bigger than the other and was completely bloodshot, a sign of internal bleeding. Shen Yuan whispered comforting words into the little girl's ear as he brushed the stringy, split hair from her face. Blood caked with dirt, forming another layer of skin that coated her entire face.

“It’s pointless, A-Yuan, she’s going to die.” A-Jiu said over them. The crowds of people surrounding them kept walking, not helping or even bothering to look down at them. It was like they didn't exist. It made his blood boil. He shook his head numbly and continued comforting the poor girl. Half of her face was slacking now, a red rash forming under her skin and a clear, translucent liquid dripping out of her ear.

“C-cold…” She murmured and began to sniffle. “It’s so cold… I don’t wanna die…”

Shen Yuan took off the second shirt he left tied around his waist and wrapped her in it, trying to carry her out of the streets and into the alleyway. After seeing him struggle for a bit, Qi-ge also joined in to help while A-Jiu scoffed and averted his gaze. He looked uncomfortable. In fact, he’d already wandered off by the time they finished moving her. Shen Yuan stuck by the girl’s side until she died. Her final breaths were slow and uneven. Then, they no longer came at all.

Pulling the shirt over her face to hide it, he stood up and stared at the corpse below him.

He spent his whole life in the past waiting to die but he’d never seen the end, only the process. It was something that haunted him like a ghost; invisible but present. Always hovering yet always unseen. He could deal with that. He had to deal with it, because killing himself would’ve upset his family. But this was different. He was reminded about death in the most violently visible, horribly seen way possible.

“Let’s go, A-Yuan.” Qi-ge muttered and grabbed his hand. Shen Yuan nodded slowly and let himself be taken away.

The next time they came to town, everything went to shit.

It was a sunny morning, the wind crisp and icy. The sunlight warmed everyone’s skin and Shen Yuan was nibbling on a slice of cake he brought from one of the stall owner’s he befriended a few months ago when he heard footsteps. A-Jiu ran into their alleyway, his eyes wide. Relief filled his face when he saw Shen Yuan sitting.

He walked over with a glower in his face. Shen Yuan knew the anger wasn’t directed at him, so it made him even more worried. He stood up and offered the last bit of cake to A-Jiu, hoping to calm him down. He accepted it; A-Jiu had a sweet tooth. After savouring tiny, measured nibbles and peeking out into the streets, A-Jiu went back and stared at Shen Yuan with a hard expression. “Do not leave here under any circumstances, got it?”

“Why?” Shen Yuan asked and was given a scowl in response.

“Just say yes!”

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes but nodded. “Fine, fine, but I’d still like to know what’s going on.

To his surprise, A-Jiu actually told him. “Those men are back, do not bring any attention to yourself. Do not talk to them, do not even look their way. Qi-ge is keeping an eye on them, he’ll come back soon and tell us when they’re leaving.”

He nodded slowly along, sighing and sitting down. “Fine.”

But things never went smoothly. Hours went by without Qi-ge returning. Even A-Jiu was getting worried, pacing around and chewing his finger while poking his head out. Eventually it became too much for him and he turned to glare at Shen Yuan. “Stay here, don’t follow me. I’ll find that annoying idiot and drag him back, since he’s so eager to be annoying.” He left quickly after.

Another hour passed. Then half an hour. Then Shen Yuan stood up and broke the rule. He had to! Seriously! This was such a big red flag that even he knew he had to do something. There weren’t as many people roaming about, but he knew which direction A-Jiu headed in so he followed the path.

Perhaps it was fate that he found them quickly, that seemed to be a common theme for him ever since waking up in this world. Shen Yuan stumbled across them ten minutes after starting his search. The scene itself was quiet, but that was what unsettled Shen Yuan the most. A-Jiu was withdrawn, seething silently but not speaking up. Qi-ge was talking to a well-dressed man sitting on a horse. He looked slightly panicked, talking quickly as he gestured to A-Jiu. Shen Yuan crept close enough that he could listen in on their conversation with worried ears.

“...very sick, needs a lot of care that would be expensive.” Qi-ge was trying to pass A-Jiu off as not worth taking. Shen Yuan felt his gut twist with fear. It nearly paralysed him on the spot. Here was the boy who took him in and taught him the ways of this world. Who was the reason Shen Yuan was still alive, and he was about to be taken away from him. He couldn’t– no, he'd never let that happen.

The most elegantly dressed of the three held a whip, glaring down at A-Jiu like he was the scum of the earth. His robes were lilac purple, like the petals of a gentle flower, they hung down loosely and draped over the injured horse he was sitting on. He dressed like royalty but had the expression of a depraved human. His scowl burned deep into A-Jiu’s, as though he wanted to kill him. Still, he reigned himself in and hopped off his horse, going to investigate the damage that Shen Yuan surmised A-Jiu to have caused. He stalked over to A-Jiu, past Qi-ge who was being held back by some other older man. He crouched and stared A-Jiu in the eyes. “You dare injure my property? Do you think my property has no value? My horse is worth more than you’d ever be.” He spoke low and eloquently, but his words dripped with a kind of poison that struck the heart. “Take this one, lock him up.”

He stood up. “Since you’ve damaged one of my things, it’s only fair that you replace it.”

Shen Yuan darted out of the shadows and ran over to A-Jiu, whose eyes filled with so much raw fear that he nearly faltered at the sight of it. Still, Shen Yuan pushed past that initial reaction and crouched to put a hand on his shoulder, turning to stare up at the man who had just insulted his gege. Even Qi-ge looked surprised and scared.

“What are you doing here?!” A-Jiu harshly spat under his breath, trying to remain as quiet as possible as he scolded Shen Yuan, who ignored him and instead spoke directly toward the man towering over them.

“My brother here is very sick, it’s true. His heart is at risk of giving out at any time. Your horse must’ve startled his poor heart, it isn’t his fault. He acts out when he’s in pain.” He then kowtowed, head touching the dirty street. “I apologise on my gege’s behalf, and will accept any punishment for him.”

“Fuck off, A-Yuan!” Shen Jiu spat, trying to push him away. “Don’t get involved!”

“Twins?” One of the slavers spoke to the other, who shrugged.

“Just take that one anyway.”

The one standing above them had a contemplative frown on his face, staring at both of the boys below him. He eventually sighed and turned away, waving a hand. “Whatever. I do not care. Lock them both up for now, I’ll deal with it later.”

“As you command, young master.” One of the other men hopped off their horses and Shen Yuan stared with panic as he got closer. He saw a glint from the corner of his eye and saw A-Jiu pulling out a knife. A-Jiu lunged forward.

He attempted to stab one of the men. However, he was just a small, undeveloped child. He was easily overpowered. One of them kicked him in the gut and A-Jiu hissed in pain. He raised the knife again with a manic fire in his eyes. If only his rage could've materialised into strength, but he simply wasn't strong enough. Neither of them were.

He was punched in the face, cheek bursting red and skin splitting. Shen Yuan yelled and ran over to help him. Before he could reach A-Jiu, a rough hand grabbed him by the collar and held him in the air. He struggled to breath as fabric dug into his throat, cutting off the blood to his brain. He squirmed, gasped, kicked and scratched but nothing worked.

As if the fight had evaporated from him, A-Jiu gave up after that, not wanting Shen Yuan to get hurt because of his stubbornness. It sank in just how much trouble they were in.

The room they were tossed in was dark and full of mould. Bars for windows sat too high to look through, the ground was made of stone and damp, glistening with dirty water. The first thing A-Jiu did as they were left alone was grab Shen Yuan’s collar and yell at him. “Why?! Why did you follow me? I told you to stay put!”

For the first time, Shen Yuan yelled back. “Like hell I would! I’d rather die than let you be taken from me! Get it through your thick, stupid skull you stupid gege!” He felt his head go lightheaded from how loud he was. His face burned red and he pulled out of the grip.

A-Jiu looked baffled at his outburst, then let out a string of curses and sat down.

“Who was that, anyway?” Shen Yuan asked as he sat down next to him.

“Qiu Jianluo.”

Shen Yuan let out a loud ‘fuck’ and threw his head into his hands. Fuck, fuck, fuck! That was Qiu Haitang’s brother? The one who Shen Qingqiu murdered? When he first read that, he had been on the sister’s side all the way! Because, well, fuck the scum villian! But now that he’d experienced how fucking rude that bastard was, he started to wonder if it was a good thing he died in the novel. If only he was dead already.

Actually, now that he thought about it…

Shen Qingqiu had been taken into the family off the streets, right?

He looked up at A-Jiu.

He thought about the scum villain’s personality. He had been a bitter, sharp and rude man. He’d been spiteful, he hurt anyone who dared be close to him. Shen Qingqiu also had green eyes, long black hair and fair skin… he’d also had a sharp tongue and… holy shit. 

Holy shit.

Was A-Jiu actually Shen Qingqiu as a child?! Now that he thought about it, it made sense. But why did Airplane never mention this backstory in the novel?! This changed so much!

“Stop staring at me so much.” A-Jiu– or rather, Shen Qingqiu said. Shen Yuan’s mouth hung open, eyes so wide they might as well be cosplaying plates. He quickly averted his gaze and panicked inwardly. At least he knew where in the story he was. Luo Binghe wasn’t even born yet. The plot had yet to start. Maybe… he could change things? Sure, A-Jiu was rude and bitter just like the older version of himself, but he was also brave and always ready to defend Qi-ge and Shen Yuan. He also had a hilariously dry sense of humour. He was smart, kind of caring when he wanted to be.

What caused him to change into that horrible, abusive Shizun?

Was Shen Yuan about to witness it?

He couldn’t let that happen.

He won’t.

He stood up and tried to find a way out. It was hopeless. The bars were welded in place, too close together to crawl through even with his small, thin body. He punched the wall and winced at the pain, his knuckles grazed by the rocky surface. He turned to stare at A-Jiu, who was asleep. That was weird. He doesn’t normally fall asleep most days and especially in these such situations! He walked over and lifted up his shirt, seeing that there was a large bruise on his ribcage. Shen Yuan felt himself go cold with fear. Is he internally bleeding? Will he die? No, he can’t. This is the scum villain, Shen Qingqiu would’ve survived this in the story. But this isn’t the story anymore. This was real.

This wasn't Shen Qingqiu yet, this was A-Jiu.

Shen Yuan didn’t want him to suffer. Become cruel.

Shen Yuan wanted to help him, he was the older one, technically. He should try to protect A-Jiu however he can to pay back for keeping Shen Yuan alive. Even if he would've been completely in the right if he left Shen Yuan, he never did. He was always there for him.

He undressed A-Jiu and swapped their clothes. If he could act like his brother, maybe he could pretend to be A-Jiu. Then he wouldn’t get the brunt of the punishment. Was that even possible? With a pensive face, he tried to relax and wait for the men to come back.

It took three days.

Three painful days.

Whenever A-Jiu woke up, Shen Yuan stayed in the corner as a ball, hiding the fact that they were wearing different clothes. Thankfully A-Jiu was out of it and didn’t look down at himself during the duration of their imprisonment. Shen Yuan cried multiple times when A-Jiu was unconscious, blaming it on being a kid again. His forehead was bruised from the amount of times he hit it with his own fists, trying to stop himself from being so weak. He needed to start acting harsher, braver, just like A-Jiu. On the final day, he went to sit against A-Jiu, his head buried into his dirty hair and trying to calm down his upset brother, who’d gone completely mute.

He hated how quiet his brother was.

The door finally opened and Qiu Jianluo walked in. He stared down at them with sharp eyes and they finally settled on Shen Yuan. He waited with bated breath, praying to any god that would listen that his plan worked. He mustered up the best glare he could, trying to emanate A-Jiu’s demeanour. Qiu Jianluo stalked towards them and grabbed A-Jiu’s shirt, lifting it up to expose the bruise. He glanced over at Shen Yuan. “It was a clever plan, little beggar, but my horse kicked your brother. I suppose you can’t replicate that.”

Shen Yuan blinked back tears. It didn’t work. He leaned forward on his knees, pleading. “Don’t hurt him, please. He’s– I’m sorry, we’re both sorry!”

Qui Jianluo stared at him with piercing eyes, thin and elegant brows pulled into a knot. “Disgusting.” He left soon after.

It was silent for a moment, then Shen Yuan was tackled to the floor. A-Jiu held him by the collar, hot tears falling from his bloodshot eyes and burning Shen Yuan’s cheeks like lava. “How dare you!” He shoved his head into Shen Yuan’s chest, causing the fabric to get wet. “How dare you attempt that! How dare you try to leave me...”

“I’m sorry.” Was all he could manage.

“You don’t mean that. You’re upset it didn’t work.”

“You’re right.” Shen Yuan chuckled and held a hand to card his fingers through the stringy hair.

They stayed like that for a bit, then they heard shuffling from above. Dust fell from the ceiling and then a head appeared from behind the bars. It was Qi-ge, who’s face immediately went slack with relief after seeing the two of them still alive. They both shot up and went to stand by the bars, talking in hushed tones and glancing at the door during the conversation.

“Are you two alright?” Qi-ge spoke with a voice thick with concern.

“Never been better.” A-Jiu quipped, then, “do you have a plan to get us out?”

“Not yet, but I will.”

“You’d better. I’m the reason you get food on the streets.” A-Jiu scoffed then stared up at his friend with a face of uncommon care. Not that the boy never cared, but he certainly never showed it as rawly as he was now. “Come back tomorrow, then we can go from there.” A-Jiu then shooed him off as they heard footsteps from behind the door.

Qiu Jianluo’s personal guards came into the cell, dragging them both out and cleaning them. It was weird, being bathed by others. Shen Yuan flinched as the women scrubbed his and A-Jiu’s skin raw. Their flesh flushed red and their bodies burning. A-Jiu spat and fought until it was only women left in the bathroom. He seethed hotter than the water. He also glared at Shen Yuan, having already figured out the plan he tried.

When Shen Yuan looked in the mirror, he saw himself.

It was himself as a child. His old self. He saw a childhood in his old world. When his mother washed his hair, hugged him and tucked him into bed. When she oh-so delicately kissed his forehead and told him she’d protect him no matter what the doctors said. When she wept into his hair and held him close-- hugged him like she was trying to merge their bodies, transfer his illnesses over to herself. He’d been blessed with a loving, happy family. He wiped his watery eyes and willed the tears away. Now he was practically alone.

At least he wasn’t alone.

He looked at A-Jiu, who scowled at his own appearance. “How nice of them to clean us up, they can’t be doing this out of the goodness of their hearts.” He then scoffed and turned to stare at Shen Yuan. “Not everyone is like you, I suppose. The world would end if that were the case.”

Shen Yuan mocked an offended expression before grinning. “How rude, A-Jiu.”

“Indeed, ‘A-Jiu’, how rude.” A voice from behind made the smile drain right from their faces. Qiu Jianluo walked in, arms folded neatly behind his back. He walked and dressed as though his outer appearance could conceal the rotting mess underneath. He stopped to stare at A-Jiu, as though surprised at how he looked while clean. It was a look that made Shen Yuan's skin crawl. He wanted to jump between them to block it. The already strained joy dissolved in an instant.

“Don't call me that.” A-Jiu hissed and Shen Yuan went to rub his back, trying to calm him down before he did something he'd regret. He stared up at the elegant bastard, slightly defiant but mostly fucking terrified. After all, he could ensure A-Jiu would survive– he's one of the sole characters. But Shen Yuan? He may as well be an NPC!

“Unruly trash, I thought you were.” He hummed to himself, “unruly, but perhaps not trash. Come with me, I will see your handwriting. You.” He motioned to Shen Yuan and A-Jiu stiffened. “Come with us.” Unable to fight back, he agreed as meekly as he could and made A-Jiu do the same.

They were led to a neat room, where there was a table, pillows to kneel on and a fresh set of brushes, inks and paper. Qiu Jianluo then proceeded to watch A-Jiu write, correct and teach him some basics and stare thoughtfully, most likely judging his worth and potential. After what felt like hours, but was probably only one hour, he concluded the strange session. Shen Yuan almost felt affronted that he didn’t get to show off his writing skills, but also relieved that the attention wasn’t on him.

Remind him to never think anything positive again! Thoughts were the worst jinxed!

As they were leaving, Qiu Jianluo motioned for Shen Yuan to stay. A glare so furious and raw filled A-Jiu’s face that he thought he’d been possessed for a moment.

“It’ll be fine, A-Jiu.” Shen Yuan murmured. A-Jiu knew the situation they were in, and although he was rash a lot of the time, he wasn’t foolish. So he waited outside as the door was closed and Shen Yuan was left alone with the other man. Qiu Jianluo spent a minute just staring at Shen Yuan’s face, before walking over with a strange look in his eyes. With a crouch, he got on eye level with him and snatched his arm, putting two fingers against his wrist.

After a moment of tense silence, his brows slightly raised. “Such a weak core, but also such an abundance of qi. Abnormally so…”

Shen Yuan didn’t know what he was planning, so he remained silent and let the man speak his thoughts aloud. He had a core? That didn’t make sense, it took years to develop one within the lower dantian. Unless someone inhabited this body and did that themselves previously, he should not have one. Was this body created on the spot for him? Who would do that? He tried to keep his face neutral but it was hard. He didn’t have a system. Did he fucking spawn in or something?! Did this body just get copy pasted from his old world, put into this one, and then had a core shoved inside it?! What the fuck! Of course, it explained why he had his past illnesses, but wasn’t crippled by them as he had a golden core. But that did not explain the change in eye and hair colour! It was as though someone or some thing wanted him to look like A-Jiu.

But why?

“Do you know what dual cultivation is?” Qiu Jianluo suddenly asked and Shen Yuan nearly spat blood. He was snapped out of his thoughts and stared with wide eyes. Excuse me, adult male, why are you asking a child that?!

“Kind of…” He muttered and averted his gaze.

“Your body produces an overabundance of qi, you would make a good cauldron.”

What the fuck what the fuck what the fuck--

“Go join your brother, my guards will show you to your room.” Qiu Jianluo waved him off to dismiss him like he was nothing but a servant. Shen Yuan held in his disgust and fled the room, grabbing A-Jiu’s hand with his own. A-Jiu must’ve felt his trembling because his nostrils flared and his eyes narrowed. He looked like he was seconds away from storming into that room and beat the man up. Shen Yuan squeezed his palm gently to calm him down.

Their room was heavenly. Although it was just one bed and one set of dressers, after being on the streets for so long, Shen Yuan nearly cried from happiness after collapsing onto the mattress. It sank under his weight. “It’s like a cloud, gege.” He mumbled happily and buried his face into the blankets. A-Jiu stayed lingering in the corner of the room, studying every bit of it as though there’d be a tunnel they could leave through. Shen Yuan rolled over. “Come rest, please. You need your strength, A-Jiu.”

“What did that man say to you?” He spun around and glared at Shen Yuan, who suddenly wished he had left the boy to his own devices.

“Nothing…”

“Don’t lie to me!” A-Jiu stormed over and towered over him. “Tell me the truth, I’ll know if you lie, A-Yuan.”

“He said something about… having a weak core and too much qi.” That seemed to surprise A-Jiu, who faltered for a second before pushing for more information. Shen Yuan was eventually bullied into saying the rest. “...and maybe something about being a cauldron? I-”

“That fucking bastard!” A-Jiu nearly screeched. “I’ll kill him, I’ll gut him, I’ll--” 

Shen Yuan grabbed him by the wrists. “Shhh, don’t yell too loudly, they might hear you threatening their master.”

“As if I care.” He snapped but his voice lowered. “We need to get out of here. Qi-ge will be somewhere nearby, he knows where we are, we just need to wait for an opportunity.” A-Jiu explained but Shen Yuan felt like something was off. In the original novel, it was unlikely that help ever came. Or else, Shen Qingqiu may not have been as nasty as he’d been. So Qi-ge might’ve not been able to help him. Did he die?! The thought made his blood go cold. He so desperately wished to get some more information, and for a second, he thought he heard another, strangely robotic voice. It was his imagination however, because it was gone as quickly as the thought went into his head.

“You’re right.” He said anyway. “I’m sure he’ll come.”

That night, Qi-ge did come. They had found a tiny, rectangular window in the bathroom that they could converse through. Qi-ge had sat down on the grass outside, smushed his face into the window and spoke of a plan that would save them. “I’ll go to Cang Qiong, learn how to cultivate and come back to rescue you both!” He had explained with a nervous smile that dug into his cheeks. “I heard that Qiu Jianluo can’t cultivate, so I’ll be able to overpower him and break you two out!” He had promised eagerly. “I’ll come back, I will! I’m leaving with a group of cultivators tomorrow to head to the peak.”

Cang Qiong Peak?

Everything about this scene felt off.

A-Jiu nodded. “Alright then, we’ll hang in there until you come back.”

Shen Yuan wanted to object because something just felt wrong. But there weren’t any facts against it to say, and his emotions were as useful as holding water with outstretched hands. So all he could do was bite his lip, smile through the anxiety, and hope that this boy would come through on his promise. Not just for his sake, but for A-Jiu’s sake also. So just like that, Qi-ge nodded with resolve and left.

Together, they laid down in bed. Shen Yuan huddled close to A-Jiu and tried to calm him down enough to rest a bit. It was probably pointless, but that didn’t stop him. “Everything will be fine, gege. I know it will.”

A-Jiu did not answer him but he hoped his words reached the boy.

Notes:

Thank you so much for all the comments, I'm not much of a talker but I really do appreciate them.

This fandom has sucked me into it full-force. This is the first of three other works I've been working on, and I'm really happy my first fanfic with this fandom is being enjoyed!

Chapter 3: Burning Buildings, Burning Bridges; Everything's On Fire?!

Notes:

warnings:
detailed description of murder and death

implications and discussions of SA, nothing too explicit

The next morning they met the future wife of Luo Binghe, Qiu Haitang. She had been excited to meet the new unofficial members of the Qiu household. Her smile was bright and full of bubbles, her feet bounced weightlessly as she showed A-Jiu around the household, telling him that he was so pretty and that she wanted to marry him one day. Personally, Shen Yuan thought that was a little quick and extreme, but he was quiet the whole time. He only trailed behind wordlessly. In fact, the only reason he was there was because A-Jiu had literally fought to have them stay together. Perhaps unsure what their status would become in this place, the guards didn’t put up much of a complaint. Qiu Haitang was quickly infatuated with A-Jiu. Shen Yuan hoped it would be a good thing, that maybe A-Jiu would be better off if the sister adored him. Maybe Qiu Jianluo would not hurt him.

Judging from the novel, Shen Yuan wasn’t able to hold much hope.

Not to say that Qiu Haitang didn’t talk to him as well, only that it was obvious who she favoured. Which made sense! A-Jiu had a pretty face. His cheekbones were sharp, his eyes even sharper and bright, encircled with long lashes that framed his jade irises like embroidered jewels on delicate fabric. Not to mention how smooth his skin was--okay, now that Shen Yuan thought about it for more than a second, he could definitely see how A-Jiu grew into Shen Qingqiu, who although was a scum villain, had an attractive appearance.

Maybe the attention wasn’t a good thing.

Maybe not.

That night, A-Jiu was taken by Qiu Jianluo to study writing and reading. When he returned, his cheeks were red in a way that only happened when he cried. Which was rare and terrifying. Shen Yuan didn’t bring it up, and neither did A-Jiu, who sat glaring at the wall with his knees to his chest and his chin on his arms. When Shen Yuan went to pat his head as he always did, A-Jiu flinched. They both seemed surprised at that, and it only made A-Jiu’s glare deepen as he stared into the wall. He seemed almost ashamed to stare at Shen Yuan in the eyes. Shen Yuan closed his eyes and felt the burning within them be soothed by his eyelids. He settled down beside A-Jiu, not touching him but instead laying down in front of him and offering a hand where it could be seen by the other. A-Jiu stared at the hand with uneasy eyes, before hesitantly reaching out and grasping it.

“Let’s go to sleep, A-Jiu.”

The next day, Shen Yuan was taken to a doctor who inspected his core to judge his usefulness while A-Jiu was with Qiu Haitang.

Shen Yuan sat on the stiff table and watched as the strange man poked and prodded at his body. His face was thin and sharp, his chin ending with a few whiskers of brittle hair. He looked up at Shen Yuan with intrigued eyes as he settled back into his chair and wrote in his little notebook. “When did you develop your core?”

“I don’t know.”

“How did you develop it?”

“I don’t know.”

The man paused. “Have you ever dual cultivated?”

“No.” Shen Yuan said stiffly, and watched as he scribbled down into that damned notebook of his again. His stomach was beginning to feel sick, so he instead looked out the window. He wanted to ask what usefulness meant to them, but after that last question, he decided he’d rather not. When the man finished his check up, he let Shen Yuan leave. Shen Yuan wandered around the garden and noticed A-Jiu talking with Qiu Haitang. For a moment, he thought his brother was enjoying himself, but when the other girl looked away, a dark, empty expression replaced where he’d been pretending. His A-Jiu was getting too good and hiding himself. A scampering little thing, scuttling into the dark corners and baring its teeth. Only that it had blunt teeth, bleeding gums and fearful eyes. It made Shen Yuan turn to immediately start walking towards them.

Shen Yuan walked over quickly. “Hello.”

A-Jiu brightened up somewhat. Qiu Haitang pouted at their little ‘date’ being interrupted but she still let herself smile at Shen Yuan, allowing him to join them as she showed them the aviary and all the birds she was raising. She even gave Shen Yuan a tiny cup of seeds to feed them. It seemed that even though she was spoiled and fixated on A-Jiu, she still saw Shen Yuan as a brother. Qiu Haitang sat to let them have some time to themselves, humming all the while and kicking her too small to touch the floor legs. Her hair was in twin buns today, tiny hair pins with blossoming pink petals framing the wavy hair. Shen Yuan gave her another smile and turned to feed the birds.

As he fed them, he wished the other bird he befriended was there. It had been a while since he last saw it, and he hoped it was doing well. There were many people out there who’d want to kill it, but he quickly shook his head at the thought. Who was he kidding? Of course the bird was fine! It made it all the way to adulthood without him, so he shouldn’t be treating it like some toddler he nurtured himself! Who knew, maybe it was watching from the treeline looming past the Qiu Household’s wooden walls.

“A-Jiu, do you want to try?”

“I’ll scare them off.” He said bitterly and glared at the birds. Shen Yuan laughed slightly and took his arm with a gentle hand. He guided a handful of seeds into A-Jiu’s fist, who stared at it hesitantly.

“Toss them lightly. Preferably sideways to get a good scatter.”

A-Jiu did as he was told, and watched with fascination as the birds hobbled and pecked at the ground. A tiny spark returned to his face and even a faint smile grazed his lips. He gave Shen Yuan an almost satisfied look, who returned the look with a grin of his own. “See? Only humans find you scary, A-Jiu.”

“They should feel scared of me.”

Shen Yuan laughed. Indeed, they will. A-Jiu will grow into a powerful Peak Lord one day. All Shen Yuan would do was watch from the sidelines, cheering him on. Just like he once had with the protagonist, Luo Binghe, he wished to see A-Jiu flourish. But unlike when he’d first read the novel, he was actually here with the character and able to help them.

That night, when A-Jiu returned from his studying, he saw a bruise around his wrist. Hand-shaped.

Shen Yuan did not touch him that night, but he did bully A-Jiu into bed early.

The next few days, A-Jiu was coming back with books to read and study. He started to teach Shen Yuan, who was happy to learn because he finally learned that this world had a whole different writing and reading system. He tried not to wonder why he spawned in being able to speak it, though. The mysteries of his body and mind could be locked away in a dumb little box for all he cared! He even imagined himself tossing the key away as if to say, ‘mysteries? What mysteries? I’m a perfectly normal person who has nothing wrong with me!’.

Right now he just wanted to enjoy his time with A-Jiu.

“What does this character mean?” He pointed to one and watched as A-Jiu’s chest puffed in pride.

“It means ‘person’ so make sure to remember it, you’ll see it a lot.”

“Okie dokie artichokie.”

A-Jiu pulled a face. “What does that mean?”

Shen Yuan felt a moment of mischievous take over his common sense. What if, goodness forbid, he starts teaching the Shen Qingqiu slang and internet terms? He felt a wicked grin spread across his face and he shuffled closer to the other boy. “It’s a very fancy way of saying okay.”

“Okie dokie arti…chokie.” A-Jiu repeated, then scowled. “It sounds stupid, is this just another word that you made up?”

“I’d never!” Shen Yuan exclaimed. “Actually, there’s another word you should know.”

“What is it?”

“Noob. If you see someone you really, really hate. Call them a noob, it means they’re stupid.” Shen Yuan’s chest felt light as he held back a fit of giggles as he watched as A-Jiu tested the word and then stared at Shen Yuan with an equally mischievous smile.

“So no one else knows what it means?”

Unless there are other transmigrators, then no. Perhaps if Shen Yuan starts convincing A-Jiu to use them more often, he could then watch the reactions to weed out anyone who knew what it meant. What started as a prank suddenly turned into a brilliant idea! “Exactly, no one else will know what it means. Think of it like our own little language. Maybe when Qi-ge comes back, we can teach him too.”

At the mention of Qi-ge, A-Jiu’s face fell and he glanced away. “It’s been a while, hasn’t it? When do you think he’ll come back?”

“I don’t know.” Shen Yuan admitted. “But he will.”

“Yes…” A-Jiu replied, not exactly sounding convinced but still hopeful. “He better. He told us he would.”

“Exactly, when has he ever broken a promise? So don’t panic, A-Jiu.”

A-Jiu sighed heavily and laid back on the bed, arms stretched outward as he stared up at the wooden ceiling. “You keep being taken away to be looked at by doctors. Are they helping you?” He asked and rolled over, shoving an arm under his head and looking up at Shen Yuan.

“I… Well, I’m going to go on medication, apparently. The doctor said it would help.”

“Help with what?”

“They didn’t say.” Shen Yuan tumbled beside him. He didn’t know how to feel about it. It may help him, but the idea of being stuck on medication again in yet another world made him feel upset. Was he just doomed to be physically stunted wherever he ended up? At the very least, this was a fantasy world. So maybe the medication wouldn’t be so bad. Maybe he’d get super healthy off them! Thinking like that made him feel slightly excited. As always, Shen Yuan was an expert at making light of situations he ended up in.

“I don’t trust it.”

“It’s not up to you.” Or me for that matter.

A-Jiu humphed and rolled over, his back facing Shen Yuan. “It better work.”

---

Shen Yuan was started on pills the very next day. At first, he immediately felt better. Like his veins were being cleansed and filled with a light substance. He smiled the whole morning and that made A-Jiu feel better too, judging from his lax shoulders and tense but visible smile.

Then a week passed and the symptoms changed.

After each pill, his stomach began to feel heavy and full. Appetite seemed to drain from him and no matter how much he wanted to eat, he’d throw up right after consuming anything. That light feeling was replaced with a weight that made his legs go numb and his limbs difficult to control.

Shen Yuan was wandering out of the room, hoping to find his brother. He normally didn't like to bother A-Jiu with his issues but his panicked brain screamed at him to find someone he trusted. And nowadays, A-Jiu was the only soul he trusted. His bare feet froze under the cold floorboards. His light body barely made a sound as he drifted along. It was dark outside, he could barely see his own feet.

Then they gave out. He fell. Shen Yuan's legs stopped working just like that. He sat for a moment in stunned silence, staring at his legs and willing for them to move. They wouldn't. His breath quickened. He’d forgotten how viscerally terrifying it was to have your own body fail you. The machine his entire existence was tied to just losing function so simply.

“A-Jiu?!” He called out, no longer caring about being quiet. His panicked state grew larger and bolder until it ate away at any sense of precaution or fear of getting into trouble. Shen Yuan could barely see his own hands, which were awfully numb. For a horrible moment he thought he'd gone blind. But then he saw light from the end of the hallway. A rush of relief replaced his fear and he exhaled heavily. He held his head high, expecting to see A-Jiu rush over and tell him off as he helped Shen Yuan stand up.

Instead, Qiu Jianluo found Shen Yuan.

The older man stared down at him, holding a candle in his hand, the white wax dripping down the marble holder it sat upon. His eyes were so cold, colder than the wooden floorboards Shen Yuan couldn't get up off. They stared at each other for a while, the only movement being the dancing flame and the shadows it created across their faces. Then, Qiu Jianluo crouched. “Why are you on the floor?”

“I… I fell. I can't feel my legs.” He admitted quietly, averting his gaze. “I'll move as soon as I can! I am deeply sorry for troubling you.”

Qiu Jianluo's expression almost… softened? As much as a devil like him could. He placed the candle beside him and tucked his arms under Shen Yuan's knees and lower back, picking him up so effortlessly it unsettled Shen Yuan. The man then carried him to his room, taking his sweet time as he tucked him into bed. Shen Yuan was wide-eyed and unsettled the entire time.

“You are much different than your brother. Far more polite.”

“I… suppose…” He mumbled and stared down at his fidgeting hands.

The man held two fingers to his wrist, humming in satisfaction. “I see you’ve been taking the pills like you’ve been told. Good boy, if only your brother was as obedient as you.” His tone made Shen Yuan’s skin fill with goosebumps. He stared up at the much older man with a terrified face, one that seemed to only make Qiu Jianluo more pleased. “Do not worry, I'll take care of you. Once he marries my sister, he'll be preoccupied with his duties as her spouse. But I will make sure you don't get… lonely.”

Shen Yuan's eyes watered and he blinked it away. The last time he'd cried out of fear, he'd been a child that just finished watching The Wailing with his older brother. But this? This was raw. This fear rubbed his flesh raw. It made his fear disgust himself, like it was a pile of rotting flesh stuck in his skull with his brain. He averted his gaze so Qiu Jianluo didn't see him crying. If he noticed it, he did not comment on it and instead stood up to leave.

“Stay and sleep. If you fall and injure yourself, I will have to have you supervised.”

After that, Shen Yuan was bedridden.

A-Jiu visited him during the day, and at nighttime, he fretted over Shen Yuan while trying to figure out what was wrong. He’d once declared about talking to Qiu Jianluo about the pills he was on, but returned with a bruised cheek and red-rimmed eyes. Shen Yuan ended up being the one who had to comfort him. He rubbed A-Jiu’s back in slow, gentle circles while reassuring him that he was okay and that he’d feel better soon. Because if A-Jiu began to seriously think Shen Yuan was in harm’s way, he may act out again and get hurt even more. It wasn’t like Shen Yuan wasn’t used to this. He could deal with being bedridden for a bit. It would only be for a bit, he was told. He could handle this. It was no big deal. He’s done this before.

A bit turned into a while.

Shen Yuan felt hostility simmering under his skin.

It’s fine. It’s fine! Really, it’s fine. There’s nothing wrong, it’s just like how it’s always been. He just needs to wait, and it will all be fine. He tells all this to A-Jiu while inside he feels his insides rotting into mush. It’s fine. It’s fine. He’ll be fine. This won't be like his old world. He isn’t going to spend the rest of his life here, so it’s fine, obviously!

A while turned into months.

“A-Yuan, do you want to keep reading?” A-Jiu asked hesitantly, watching as Shen Yuan slowly shook his head. Everything felt fuzzy.

“Fuzzy? Do you need me to get that doctor?” A-Jiu asked, then scowled and shook his head before Shen Yuan could even try to respond. “No. No, I don’t trust him. You need to stop taking those pills, A-Yuan. They are not helping you. No, they’re-- they’re not, I can’t do this anymore. You don’t even talk to me anymore.” A-Jiu was stammering and stood up. “I’m going to talk to that bastard again--” He stopped as Shen Yuan lurched forward and grasped his arm.

“A-Yuan?”

“Don’t.” He croaked. His chapped lips bleed at the movement. “No, don’t, gege. Don’t get yourself hurt. I’m fine.”

“You’re lying to me. I told you not to lie to me.”

“I’m fine.”

“No you’re not!” A-Jiu snapped.

“I’m fine.”

“A-Yuan, can’t you at least pretend to take the pills instead?” He asked, even though it was hopeless, they both knew Qiu Jianluo would know immediately if he stopped. He'd been visiting Shen Yuan more. Trying to get the younger to trust him. The obvious attempt at manipulation made him feel…

What did he feel? He couldn't process anything. If he tried to put an emotion to the label ‘disgust’ his mind came up blank. The same with his fear, sorrow, disappointment, happiness, anger, curiosity, dete–

“I’m fine.”

“Stop repeating–” A-Jiu suddenly went stiff.

“A-Yuan.” A-Jiu started then stopped and stared at him, his brows furrowing. “Can you even hear what I’m saying?” He crouched beside Shen Yuan, who didn’t really notice him and instead stared at the wall ahead of him. He felt how blank his face was, but couldn’t make it move. Why couldn’t he move it? If he didn’t smile, his brother would know how upset he really is. “A-Yuan, you’re not even listening to me are you? If you can hear me then say something else, please .”

“I’m fine.” He repeated.

A-Jiu hugged him, his shoulders shaking. Was he upset? Was Shen Yuan upset? How does one tell if they are sad when they can’t feel themselves? How can one understand what they feel when they aren’t in their body anymore?

Shen Yuan blinked and he was alone.

Where’d A-Jiu go? Wasn’t he just here?

He blinked again, a lot slower, and found himself in another room entirely. Qiu Jianluo was sitting on the bed beside him. “You know, I wonder how a beggar such as yourself could be so different from the others. Most are like your brother; rude, distrusting and aggressive. Yet you are so timid and polite. How did you survive for so long? Your own brother tramples on you and yet you bow your head without complaint.”

Shen Yuan wanted to tell him that it wasn't like that. A-Jiu would rather die than trample on Shen Yuan. But trying to explain their bond to Qiu Jianluo would be pointless, which was ironic considering the man had a sister. Did Qiu Jianluo think being nice was weak? Is that why his brain could only conclude that A-Jiu is using him? How narrow-minded! Shen Yuan scolds in his head like he is watching a shitty movie. Because, well, it's not like he can do much else. His body is practically detached from himself. He may as well treat it like a show if he can't even participate anymore.

Honestly, what a mess! He'd like a refund, thank you very much!

Time passed.

By how much? He's unsure. It could’ve even been a year by now. Shen Yuan felt light and airy whenever he woke up, but also nauseous and tired. A-Jiu would come in, he’d wake up and try to move before falling unconscious. It would’ve been better if he was being beaten. Because at least then, he wouldn’t be getting flashbacks to his past life. Being so sick and tired, he’d drift in and out of a state where he clung to A-Jiu and called him gege, when he’d try to call out for his mother to come and tuck him back into bed. When he tried to move his limbs, he vomited and had episodes where he’d be begging not to be taken to the hospital. No one knew what a hospital was. It felt like he was on his deathbed again, watching life drip by while he was frozen still.

Then one night, A-Jiu came in yelling. Qiu Jianluo quickly followed behind him, a scowl so dark on his face that Shen Yuan felt himself startle slightly out of his strange state of mind.

“He’s not getting better, you’re all lying to me!” A-Jiu screamed. “You’re not helping, you-- YOU ARE THE REASON HE’S SICK!” His voice was so shrill that Shen Yuan tried to get up and pat his head. He fell off the bed soundlessly and A-Jiu scampered over to help him.

“It’ll only take one more week, then I can begin dual cultivating with him.”

“You- you bastard.” A-Jiu hissed venomously. “Why? Why him?!”

Qiu Jianluo chuckled darkly and walked over toward him slowly, not unlike that of a predator closing in on its prey. “Why not just you? I’ll admit, you are pretty, feisty and amusing. But that brother of yours has a body capable of holding limitless qi within it. A shame, since his core is so fragile and weak that he can’t even use it properly. I may as well put it to use, right? Ah… are you worried I’ll stop playing with you? I won’t let you get lonely, do not worry, A-Jiu.” His voice was smooth but disgusting, like rotting honey. A-Jiu’s body was shivering with rage and terror. He held a limp Shen Yuan to his chest and snarled like an animal.

“You don’t need to touch him, you can’t even cultivate!”

Qiu Jianluo’s expression became stormy at the reminder. Then he calmed himself and let a demonic grin creep along his lips, cracking them open as it did to reveal the teeth inside. “I will after I start dual cultivating with your brother. Do you even know where he got that core? I’m told it’s nothing like what my doctors have ever seen. It’s completely hollow and endless, somehow formed as though it’s meant to store qi but never use it.”

“I won’t let you use him like that.”

“It’s what he’s made for.”

“I’ll kill you.”

“I’d like to see you try.”

At that moment, Shen Yuan watched as Qiu Jianluo went toward them. A-Jiu’s body futilely wrapped around him, trying to shield him from the older man. He had furious tears in his eyes, screaming and cursing his head off and eyes darting around for a weapon. Shen Yuan felt his mind starting to open up again, his consciousness tricking throughout his numb body. He’d been quite detached until this moment but something changed.

Shen Yuan was back in control.

All the ice he’d been encased in had melted in an instant. The ravenous emptiness within his chest exploded. Raging. Surging outwards. He gasped the first breath of his own since he’d departed from himself. Air rushed inside him and his lungs came back to life. The qi within his golden core was disturbed. When he had been detached, the vacuum of emptiness had been holding it inside. But now? Now it funnelled outwards like a dam broken though. It felt like pounds of weight were rushing out. It churned out like a roaring river, and it all went into A-Jiu.

A-Jiu screamed and fire burst out. Smoke was everything. Angry reds ripped at the wooden walls, ripped and devoured the furniture, carpet, everything. A-Jiu was still screaming, but he also moved. In just a second, he was on his feet. Tears streamed down his face, glowing red from the fire light. His fear melted under the heat. He moved like a demon. A-Jiu snatched the sword from Qiu Jianluo and plunged it deep into that disgusting, rotten heart of his. Shen Yuan watched as they both fell to the floor.

As A-Jiu ripped the blade back out and plunged it in again. And again. And again. And again and again and again and again. His face split into multiple strips of flesh, the muscle, tendon and bones protruding from his once beautiful face. Blood oozed from the wounds, building up the hollowed gaps of his skull like lakes of red. Qiu Jianluo was dead, but his eyes glared up at A-Jiu with resentment and pure aborment.

A-Jiu was covered in blood. He stabbed Qiu Jianluo’s chest again. His throat again. His skull. His shoulders and stomach. "You disgusting beast! You filthy man! I won't let you touch him again!" A-Jiu screeched.

What was left didn’t look human anymore.

A-Jiu wailed for the first time in his life but he was laughing as well, tears streaming down his face in glowing reds and oranges. He looked inhuman. Shen Yuan inched closer and placed a shaking hand on his head. A-Jiu’s face spun around, blade raised and ready to impale something else. When he saw Shen Yuan, however, the blade lowered and he sniffled. “A-Yuan? You’re here?”

He nodded through a forced smile. “I am. Please drop the sword.”

To his surprise, A-Jiu hesitated. Why was he hesitating?

Shen Yuan stood up on shaky legs and nearly fell over. That seemed to snap A-Jiu from his daze, who dropped the sword and rushed to his feet to help Shen Yuan stand. His eyes were no longer bloodthirsty, he looked normal again. His bloody hands held Shen Yuan’s cheeks and he smeared it all over his face. Shen Yuan tried not to grimace at it. His brother had just killed someone, he was not in a sound state. He needed to calm his brother down instead of looking upset.

 “Let’s leave, gege, let’s run away.”

“...Gege?” There was a girl’s voice behind them. Walls collapsed and the frigid, cold wind blowing the smoke away, Qiu Haitang stood and stared at the bloody mess of organs, flesh and tissue at their feet. Her eyes were wide, filled with shock and not really processing what was happening. Then, a flash of recognition as she saw the robes untouched by blood where Qiu Jianluo used to lay. Tears filled her eyes. She looked up, unbelieving. Then A-Jiu took Shen Yuan’s hand and ran. “My brother… my gege… he’s… hurt? No, no no no!” She sobbed and fell to her knees. Her cries were heartbreaking, that of a confused, dismayed kid.

They ran out of the flaming house and into the nearby woods. Ran out of the place they’d been trapped in for a year. A-Jiu with those monsters, and Shen Yuan with a crippled body.

They ran until there was a river, and they collapsed. As though numb from shock, A-Jiu cleaned himself off without a sound. He was silent. His eyes shell shocked as he stared at his trembling hands. He was disassociating. 

“You did that, didn’t you two?”

A man said from behind them.

They turned, and Shen Yuan first saw a man clad in black. Hung from his neck a necklace of beautiful jewels that somehow looked familiar, though he was too terrified to wonder why. His eyes roamed up and he saw a face he’d seen illustrated in the novels, a face that made him realise what happened was all real, not a dream, and in fact, was all a part of the plot. It was Wu Yanzi.

“So what if it was us?” A-Jiu said sharply and stood as though he hadn't been numb in shock moments ago. He stood protectively in front of Shen Yuan whose limbs were still weak and his mind still processing everything that just occurred. His body had been fed too much qi and now that his core was drained, he felt weak with fatigue. The worst part was that this man seemed to pick up on everything in mere minutes. Shen Yuan could tell by the way his shoulders were relaxed and his posture straight that he was the one in control.

“You'll need to take care of your younger brother now, correct? I can help–”

“Fuck off!”

“He'll die without the proper attention.” The man spoke as he neared them, hands raised leisurely in the air to come off as passive. “I can feel it. He gave up all his qi, and unless his body is regulated so his meridians don't dry up, he'll lose the ability to cultivate in the future. His core is already weak.”

A-Jiu's eyes widened and he turned to stare at Shen Yuan, who weakly shrugged. He had no idea if it was true or just bullshit, but they were too weak to fight back and going along with this man's plan for the time being was their best bet. A-Jiu too exhausted and Shen Yuan too weak. They stood no chance by themselves. So he stood down and lowered his arms, letting the man crouch beside Shen Yuan and transfer over some qi.

A-Jiu's eyes lingered on him like a hawk.

It did help. Feeling returned to his legs and he could even stand up after the transfer. His wary eyes landed on the demonic cultivator, who seemed very satisfied with his catch. It caused his gut to churn with a horrid sickness. If they stuck with this man then A-Jiu would get in trouble for it in the future. Shen Yuan knew that in the novel, Shen Qingqiu was found out to have travelled with Wu Yanzi, adding to his imprisonment and eventual convicted crimes.

“We'll be fine.” Shen Yuan said with as much conviction as he could gather. “But I sincerely thank you for helping me. My brother and I have a plan already.”

A-Jiu went over to him. “What plan?”

“We're going to Can Qiong Peak, right? To meet up with Qi-ge–”

“Never mention that name again!” A-Jiu snapped, cheeks going red with rage. “He left and didn't come back for us! He’s probably… dead. We cannot rely on him anymore.” His voice spoke of the emotion he was trying to conceal.

“But–”

“A-Yuan, drop it.” his voice was dangerously low. His eyes narrowed into slits as he crouched and held his hands. A-Jiu's skin was cold from being in the river and exposed to the nightly breeze. He stared holes into his head. “We're not going to the mountain. We're not waiting for a man who isn't going to come back. We are going with someone who will help us. I don't care why he wants to help us, I'm going to keep you safe.”

Shen Yuan lowered his gaze to stare at the ground. He knew his next words were mean, he just wanted to stop the consequences for doing this in the future. “You can't make me go with you.” He mumbled. If he didn't leave then surely A-Jiu would have to stay? What he didn't expect was the hands on his arms to tighten. A sharp pang of nails digging into the fleshy fat of his arms caused him to flinch. He stared up in shock at the panicked and nearly manic expression on A-Jiu's face.

“I can make you, A-Yuan.” A-Jiu then buried his face into Shen Yuan's chest. “You're too fragile to be by yourself.”

Fragile? Rude.

“But I'll protect you, I'll make sure you survive despite that stupid softness of yours.”

What is he even saying?

“My A-Yuan…” A-Jiu's voice was hoarse. “You won’t leave me too, right? I can’t handle… no, I won’t let you leave me. So don’t even try.” He normally never spoke this expressively, especially in front of others. He's still out of it from before.

All he could do was slowly nod. Because A-Jiu was correct. He couldn't bring himself to leave him. He needed A-Jiu just as much as the other boy needed him. In his past life, Shen Yuan had learned about a phenomenon called albino plants. Organisms that couldn't photosynthesize on their own; they were forced to leech off others just to survive. He felt like he'd been mentally attached to A-Jiu at some point during their time together and now, they were both stuck too closely together to escape. It was too late now. You can’t unmix what binds together. You can’t unweave what has merged into one rope. Right now, it felt like that rope was wrapped around his wrists, holding him hostage.

Wu Yanzi was observing quietly.

“Okay, Jiu-ge… we'll go with him. I'll trust your judgement.” It's not like he had any choice in the matter.

The demonic cultivator finally spoke up. “What a touching bond between brothers. Let's leave then. They'll be searching for you two, we need to depart before they come here and find us.” He glanced at the sky and hummed. “There's a few hours of night left. Let's go.”

A-Jiu helped Shen Yuan stand up, who sighed and reluctantly followed.

Chapter 4: Fate Hates Me, But You Don't...

The three of them arrived in another town far from the scorched Qiu Household. Wu Yanzi booked out two rooms in a dishevelled inn with a pouch filled to the brim with loose change and pills. Shen Jiu didn't know what those pills were for but after seeing what A-Yuan went through, he'd prefer not to.

Shen Jiu spent most of their trip deep in thought. His mind went from A-Yuan to the moment the fire started. All he remembered in that moment of utter power was a rush of warmth flooding into him from his brother, which burned hotter and hotter. It felt like his lower dantian had been filled with oil and ignited. Everything burst outward all at once. It’d felt wonderful, the blissful sensation of being stronger, being able to beat his abuser’s head in and watch from an almost outside perspective as Shen Jiu stabbed Qiu Jianluo's body.

He wanted to experience it again but he also wanted to wipe his hands until his skin tore and bled. To rid his flesh of the blood that had surely been absorbed. It wasn’t like he didn’t feel upset, but he shoved it deep within himself, where his pent up rage used to fester. It felt like two sides flipped. Now all Shen Jiu felt was bitterness, and that meekness he had adopted in order to survive died. Shen Jiu refused to ever live like that ever again.

The phantom hands touching him burned him along with the echoes of the fire.

Shen Jiu stared at A-Yuan. The boy stared at his feet quietly. He closed his eyes and his mind slipped back. He remembered when Qiu Jianluo stared down at A-Yuan with such sickening desire that his brain flared in fury. All that talk about dual cultivating for cultivation as though that was the only reason he wanted A-Yuan. No. Today had been the last straw. But it wasn't the first time Qiu Jianluo had come onto A-Yuan with the disgusting paws and intentions of a beast.

Did A-Yuan remember it? He had been out of it at the time because of the medication.

A few days before the fire, A-Yuan had been bedridden and unconscious, moved into a seperate room from Shen Jiu. Obviously, Shen Jiu had stormed to that room in a furious panic. His brother should not have been alone while unconscious and unable to fight back.

He was beautiful when he slept, but the scene had been tarnished by the beast sitting on the bed next to him. He’d walked in on Qiu Jianluo touching A-Yuan's stomach. Shen Jiu should’ve fucking killed him then, but Qiu Jianluo stood up and left as soon as Shen Jiu stumbled across them.

He even had the audacity to pat Shen Jiu’s shoulder on the way out, as though he was the one in control. Shen Jiu showed that fucker he was wrong.

His rage started to spike again.

What if he hadn’t walked in and caught him? Would he have gone farther with A-Yuan? Would he have done more than touch his stomach?

Disgusting disgusting disgusting that foul, disgusting and horrid beast! A-Jiu felt his lips twist. A dead beast, now. A beast, which in the end, hadn’t been able to hurt A-Yuan. No, no. Shen Jiu had butchered him like the pig he was. Let his filthy flesh scorch in the fires of his own house.

That beast!

He should’ve gone farther. He should’ve kept that beast alive and flayed his skin first. Then moved to chop off that filthy dick he was so desperate to get off with. How dare he try to assault A-Yuan!?

How dare he.

How dare he!

His progressively darkening thoughts were disrupted by a hand on his arm. He glanced to see A-Yuan offering him a weak smile. Even after all of that he was putting Shen Jiu first. The darkness receded as he let himself smile back, if only to not scare A-Yuan with his previous expression. It was unlikely he recalled what happened and Shen Jiu would keep it that way. Lest he let Qiu Jianluo get one more up on him, get another foul memory crammed into his A-Yuan's skull.

A-Yuan guided Shen Jiu's hand to rest on his chest, which rose slowly and steadily. Shen Jiu couldn't help the warmth in his cheeks as he felt A-Yuan's chest rise and fall. The steady back and forth of a cold, soothing wave.

“A-Jiu, breathe with me?” He smiled at Shen Jiu and he nodded. He let his eyes slip shut and felt himself get caught in those waves. The rhythmic rushing and receding. He imagined himself laying down on a beach. The water washing over him in gentle kisses before shyly withdrawing. It helped his rage extinguish into smoke, that which was light and had no effect over him.

“There, good job, A-Jiu.” He spoke even softer than the vision he'd helped conjure in Shen Jiu's mind. It made him smile. Truly. A-Yuan was like a lost little light that had somehow stumbled into Shen Jiu's far undeserving grasp. Most surprising of all was how little A-Yuan minded it. No, he didn't detest ‘his A-Jiu’ one bit. Not when he got angry. Not when he snapped. Not when he murdered in rage. Not when he'd so forcefully made A-Yuan follow him.

If he had it his way, he'd swallow that little light in a heartbeat. Let it settle cosily in his chest and keep his cold heart warm. He was selfish, but he had no reason not to be when A-Yuan let him be that way.

“Thank you, A-Yuan.” He smiled and opened his eyes. He no longer laid at that beach, but found that staring into A-Yuan's eyes was just as comforting. A colour of flourishing nature, of emerald grass and jade leaves, of sunbaked trees and dancing lights in the rustling leaves.

I refuse to give this up. To give you up, A-Yuan.

Wu Yanzi interrupted them. The forest evaporated from his mind and he was dragged back into reality.

“I want to talk to you alone, we’ll give your brother the other room to himself.” Wu Yanzi whispered and leaned back, making goosebumps line his neck. He hated it. He hated men being near him, and being in that hellhole with Qiu Jianluo had only exacerbated it. He nodded and watched as A-Yuan stared at him with confliction all-too visible in his eyes. It pissed Shen Jiu off just how open and vulnerable A-Yuan is around others. But it also made him feel safe. Shen Yuan was easy to read.

“Will you be okay, A-Jiu?” A-Yuan asked with a frown on his lips, eyes pinched from suspicion and worry for Shen Jiu. He nodded and shoved A-Yuan into the other room, watching as the boy turned to give him one last look before dejectedly going into the room and closing the door. Shen Jiu followed Wu Yanzi into the other room, lingering by the door and watching as the man loosened his robes with a sigh and sat at a chair, getting comfortable.

“What do you want with us?” Shen Jiu got straight to the point, glaring at the leisurely man.

“Perhaps you just interested me.” He spoke with a mocking hilt to his tone, when he saw the glare deepen on Shen Jiu’s face, he laughed and tilted his head back, exposing his throat. “I despised the Qiu’s. I was there ‘cus I wanted to rob them, but then I see you two appear from their destroyed house. And after checking your precious brother's meridians I find that his body is already absorbing and storing qi in a core that he shouldn’t even have yet. And you? Hah! Well, your expression interested me.”

“My expression?”

“Yes, it was filled with hate. I saw myself reflected in it. What else should there be to it? I wanted to help, so I did. Shouldn’t you be thanking me?” Wu Yanzi teased with a wry smirk and Shen Jiu felt his insides squirm at it. He liked when A-Yuan offered help because he knew his brother had no ulterior motives behind it. His help was pure. But this man wasn't like that. He wanted something. Shen Jiu needed to figure out what that was. He needed to be the one in control. With Qi-DON'T THINK ABOUT HIM  dead, all he had left was A-Yuan.

He didn’t thank the man,  instead continuing his interrogation. “What now? I doubt you’re the type of person to let two children follow you out of the kindness of your heart. You obviously want something in return.”

The man laughed heartily with his whole chest puffed out. He looked like an emperor despite his disgruntled appearance and tattered clothes. “The best methods of robbery include two partners in crime. I was terribly bored and wanted a disciple to assist me.”

Shen Jiu thinks back to when he stole that wallet from those cultivators. He shook his head. “A-Yuan doesn’t like stealing.”

“You want to protect him, don’t you? I see the way you look at him, I can help you take what you want.” Wu Yanzi cackled again at his baffled expression and leaned forward in the chair, sash falling from his already loose robes and letting the fabric split, revealing marred skin underneath it. “I know your kind, I am your kind after all. We’re not the type to love, we’re the type to possess.”

“I’d rather not be compared to an old man.” Shen Jiu bit venomously, yet his face felt fragile at the idea.

“Either way, how about it? You stick with me, and I’ll not only protect your brother but I’ll also teach you a few things I know.”

“I doubt you know anything I don’t already do.” Shen Jiu commented and straightened his back. He grew up on the streets after all, he knew practically everything there was to know about having to fight to survive. Yet, he did not expect the sudden weight that filled the air, he felt breathless and struggled to inhale, watching as a red aura built around the older man. Wu Yanzi stood up as the red aura condensed into a ball of darkness.

“Even demonic cultivation?”

Shen Jiu tried to hide the fear he was feeling. Instead of backing off, he continued to hold his back straight and stare right into those black eyes. “Perhaps I was wrong, why don’t you order some tea and we continue this conversation?”

He watched Wu Yanzi smile in response and pull back his resentful energy. He went to get the tea and left Shen Jiu to churn in his own thoughts. The residue fear wore off and was replaced with elation. Here was an opportunity of a lifetime. To get stronger. To protect himself and A-Yuan. He stared out the window and waited until the door opened again and Wu Yanzi strolled back in, lips peeled into a grin like a cat who got the cream. In his hands was a tray of tea.

He settled back down. “Come on then, don't hide in that corner of yours. I don't bite. Unlike that pathetic Qiu Jianluo, I don't like kids. Disgusting, snotty little brats. At least you have some common sense.”

Shen Jiu felt himself agreeing with Wu Yanzi for the first time throughout the whole conversation. He sat down and grabbed a cup of tea. “Now he can rest in hell with all the others like him.” He pretended to sip and smiled. “I suppose I may ask you some questions I have?”

“So you can be polite when you want to be.” Wu Yanzi grinned then nodded.

“Will my brother be learning demonic cultivation as well?”

“Nope. I’d hate for that core of his to be damaged.”

“Does he…  have to know?”

Wu Yanzi paused for a moment, taking a sip of his tea first. “Demonic cultivation is not something you can hide. Unless you want him to think you're angry at him for no reason, then sure, don't tell him. Actually, how amusing would that be?” He finished with a laugh and Shen Jiu scowled and ignored his rude fantasies, instead focusing on the information given to him. It seemed he wouldn't be able to hide it after all. What did it matter? A-Yuan will either understand or he won’t, but he definitely won't leave. Shen Jiu admits he may have gone a bit too far back there in convincing A-Yuan to come. But since A-Yuan forgave him so easily, there's no point in not repeating it since it worked so effectively.

A-Yuan just made it too easy.

“And where will we be going?”

“Town to town. I care not for locations.” Wu Yanzi then wrinkled his lip. “I do, however, avoid cities. I'd rather not be in large crowds, draws far too much attention during my work.”

Shen Jiu nodded and downed the entirety of his cup, having seen Wu Yanzi drink the tea first. “A final question, then.”

“Shoot.”

“Do you have any ulterior motives toward A-Yuan? I have met men that…” Shen Jiu bit his lip and hissed angrily, trying to imagine that beach from before to calm himself down. He found it useless without A-Yuan there. The water was lacking heat. The air too frigid. The sand too sharp.

Wu Yanzi spoke up before Shen Jiu could restrain his emotions. “I will admit, since you want me to be honest, that your brother intrigues me immensely. How does he have a core? Why is it so abnormal?”

“What do you mean by ‘abnormal’?!” Shen Jiu cut in. Qiu Jianluo had said the same thing.

Wu Yanzi perked a brow. “It's complicated. Usually, cores are like organs. They have limited space, like how a stomach can only hold so much food or lungs oxygen. But his extends outside of his own body and into what may as well be an abyss. It is literally limitless.” He finished off his tangent with a sigh. “Not that he can use it. It seems whatever is stored in excess cannot move through his meridians without making them rupture and burst. I hate to use the term ‘cauldron’ in front of you but he may as well be one by design. You scored lucky with him, he trusts you. I bet he’d be willing to give you as much as you can get out of him.”

Shen Jiu did indeed sneer at the label, but he was mostly preoccupied by the rest of the information. So when A-Yuan gave him that qi, it would've just sat there uselessly otherwise? Was that what Qiu Jianluo meant by ‘made for it'? He also considered Wu Yanzi’s final words and knew that they were correct. A-Yuan would be willing and unlike others, Shen Jiu wouldn’t even need to dual cultivate with him. He could just… absorb it. Take it.

He refilled his cup for the last time.

If that was the case, how many more men would want the same thing Qiu Jianluo did? Who else aside from Shen Jiu would not want his A-Yuan for cultivation but rather his character? Not to mention how stupidly considerate his brother was! What if he was given some sob story and tricked into dual cultivating?! What if someone pretended to be hurt and came to A-Yuan for ‘assistance’?! He couldn't let that happen.

His mind went back to Qiu Jianluo's hand, resting on the pale skin of A-Yuan's stomach, and the cup cracked beneath his fingers. Wu Yanzi, who'd been quietly observing with a satisfied smile on his face, finally spoke up. “Go rest. I’ll need you at full capacity tomorrow. It seems like you want to protect him, so cultivate with me. You’ll be my disciple? It's the only way to protect your brother.”

The only way?

Shen Jiu rose, still stewing in those dark thoughts. He was unaware that Wu Yanzi deliberately planted the seed there.

 

---

 

Shen Yuan heard the door open far into the night. He spent the whole time pacing until he was forced to lay down. Why was it taking so long? Is A-Jiu going to be fine? Is he being manipulated? The boy had just gotten out of a really traumatic situation! He was in no position to have a serious conversation with Wu Yanzi of all people! A literal fucking demon!

Despite being exhausted to the bone, he waited until his brother returned before poking his head out of the thin, cheap blankets and staring up at A-Jiu, who had a tense posture that seemed to make his shoulder blades poke out of his skin. He sat up and watched as A-Jiu crawled under the covers and dragged him into a hug, burying his face deep into Shen Yuan’s chest and inhaling deeply.

“Are you…?” He trailed off. Of course he wasn’t, neither of them were.

“Even if I started doing bad things to keep us alive, you’d stay with me, right?” A-Jiu mumbled into his shirt and Shen Yuan sighed, raising a hand to card through his soft hair. Unlike before they were taken in by the Qiu’s, his hair was taken care of during their stay, so it was silk-like and delicate. Shen Yuan always liked to express himself with touch, but now? Now he just wanted to touch A-Jiu because he was so nice to touch! His fingers gingerly massaged his scalp, wishing to remove all the bad thoughts within his skull.

“I won’t leave you, A-Jiu. And I’m not dumb, even if you think I am. I know that sometimes bad actions are necessary. But please, just try not to hurt anyone.” Shen Yuan sat up and watched as A-Jiu readjusted himself, putting his head on Shen Yuan’s lap and staring up at him intensely. He never used to be this clingy. In fact, some nights after coming back to their shared room after being with Qiu Jianluo, he’d flinch at any touch Shen Yuan offered him. He felt glad that A-Jiu trusted his touch.

“Fine, I'll try not to. But if anyone messes with me first, I’ll kick their fucking head in!”

Shen Yuan sighed and shook his head, the smile still remaining on his lips as he moved a hand to poke A-Jiu’s nose. He watched his brother’s face scrunch up distastefully and scowl. Undeterred, Shen Yuan continued. “By the way, A-Jiu's included in that too. So don’t do anything that could hurt yourself. I’d be quite upset.”

“I don’t care if you get upset. You already promised you won’t leave me, so you’ll be stuck with me regardless!” A-Jiu explained and rolled over so his head was now on a pillow. He stared at the ceiling unblinking, as though deep in thought, before turning to stare back at Shen Yuan. “How did you get that golden core?”

Shen Yuan shrugged. “I dunno, I don’t have any memories before the day I met you. I just remember waking up in a hollow tree trunk and covered with… blood…” He trailed off and held himself, arms wrapped around his chest in an attempt for comfort. When he thought back to that day, the negative emotions of dying, being shoved into a different world and losing his family all rushed back into his head. The sour taste it left in his mouth made him feel bitter and sad. “Why do you ask?”

A-Jiu sensed his negativity, but didn’t comment on it, which Shen Yuan felt thankful for. He instead raised a hand, fingers outstretched like he was reaching upward, and smiled. “I want to practice what we did earlier when you gave me qi. If I ever need to protect you again, I think it would be smart to master it.”

“I don't…” Shen Yuan tried to put it into words and shivered. “My body was so weak afterwards, A-Jiu, I could barely stand. Wouldn’t it be inconvenient during a fight?”

A-Jiu stubbornly glared at him. “I’d be doing the fighting anyway. I’m stronger than you, so it’s only natural you let me fight.”

“That makes me sound useless, gege!” He whined.

A-Jiu only snickered and grabbed Shen Yuan’s arm. “But you wouldn’t be useless, you’d be helping by giving me qi.”

When he put it like that, Shen Yuan supposed he could deal with it. “I guess…”

“Good.” A-Jiu took his hesitance as agreement. “Because we need a backup plan if that man does something."

Shen Yuan snorted. “What, you don’t trust the old man you made us go with?”

A-Jiu laughed and grinned toothily. “Hell no, but he’ll be useful to us for a short while. After he teaches me demonic cultivation, we’ll ditch him.” He must’ve felt Shen Yuan tense at the end, because his hand fell to his lap and he turned to stare. “You can’t stop me from doing this so don’t bother, A-Yuan.”

“But it could hurt you.” Shen Yuan remembered all the suffering A-Jiu had to go through in the novel. He might’ve wished for it all and worse when he was reading it, but after being with this boy whom he considered family, Shen Yuan learned about all the facts he lacked before. The little nuances that constructed a new image, one that had all the details etched into it. Shen Yuan didn't want it to happen. He didn’t want Luo Binghe to torture and kill A-Jiu. He didn’t want to lose his family a second time. He’d already lost Qi-ge, and now he only had a single person left. He hugged A-Jiu and felt the body tense. Shen Yuan quickly let go, sitting back and giving A-Jiu his personal space. “I don’t want you to do this.”

A-Jiu scowled and rolled over, facing away from Shen Yuan. “Whatever.”

“I’m sorry, please don’t be upset with me.” Shen Yuan started, already feeling guilt eat away at him. After all, A-Jiu was doing this because he had to. He was the one who had to protect them. He was the stronger one. Shen Yuan used to think it was the other way around, but with the way his body was, he couldn’t do anything. It frustrated him so much it boiled the blood in his veins. Frustrations he held onto with no release, not just in this world, but his past life too. It was like a volcano begging to erupt.

Instead, he apologised to make A-Jiu feel better.

When A-Jiu continued to face away from him, he blinked back the water building in his eyes and blew the candle out, laying down beside him and trying to hold back the tears.

A-Jiu suddenly moved and latched onto his back, head buried into the dent of his spine. “You idiot… go to sleep, A-Yuan.”

He didn’t respond but instead closed his eyes.

 

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[Attempting to reconnect with User002…]

[Attempt unsuccessful…]

[Error with User002’s code, unable to access profile without Protagonist…]

A blue rectangular screen hovered above the bodies of two sleeping boys, a shimmering, translucent light casting blue shadows upon their faces. Light that did not belong to this world.

[Requesting permission to initiate time-skip function to access the Protagonist Plotline…]

[Permission denied.]

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Shen Yuan watched bleakly as A-Jiu attempted demonic cultivation. It had first started like little red fireflies hovering in the air, all congregating around his body and building up into a visible aura. There was a faint buzz in the air. Despite the near-perfect execution and concentration on his brother’s face, the light fizzled out and his body slumped over. Shen Yuan ran to catch him, trying to rejuvenate his body by letting his qi flow through his meridians, flushing out all the toxic resentful energy lingering behind. It was an intimate process, one he wished Wu Yanzi wasn’t currently watching from behind them.

“Incorrect posture, you’re too tense and it's affecting the flexibility of your meridians.” He said listlessly and leant back against a tree, playing with a rusted knife between his fingers. “If you don’t relax, the resentful energy will turn on you and feed on your qi. Once that starts, it’s quite difficult to get control back from it.”

A-Jiu only nodded with gritted teeth and sweat lining his brow. He looked pained. Shen Yuan continued to give him qi but startled as A-Jiu suddenly shoved him away.

“What’s wrong, A-Jiu?” He raised his hands to touch him, quickly aborting the motion and leaning away. If A-Jiu rejects touch, it’s wise to keep distance until he feels comfortable enough to re-engage.

“Stop giving me qi, I can do this myself.”

“Let me help.” Shen Yuan frowned and shook his head. “I want to help you.”

“Why?!” A-Jiu suddenly snapped, his face twisting into a poisonous snarl. He stood up abruptly and nearly fell over, hissing in contempt when Shen Yuan began to move to help him. Shen Yuan could only watch with sad eyes as his brother continued to shout. He's volatile from the resentful energy. “Why do you bother helping me?! Even when I stole that apple from you, even then you wanted to help me. I don’t understand.”

“You don’t need to understand it, gege, you just need to accept that I want to help.” Shen Yuan softly explained and approached him like he was an injured animal, hands raised in the air. He forced a smile that he knew would calm his brother down. “I haven’t flushed the rest of the resentful energy out, it’s feeding on and worsening your negativity. Please let me help.”

Or I might have to tackle you instead, which I would rather not do. I value my intact limbs!

A-Jiu shuffled hesitantly for a moment, before slightly nodding his head and collapsing back onto the ground. Shen Yuan rushed over and began to continue helping, eyes flitting back to stare at Wu Yanzi. “Will he be okay?”

“Probably.”

He spoke as though he didn’t care about A-Jiu’s wellbeing, which pissed Shen Yuan off even more. Being unable to express his fear and sorrow, he felt it twist into frustration that he could direct at the man standing above them. “Why keep him around if you won’t take care of him? I don’t understand it.”

“Entertainment.”

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes with a loud scoff. “You’re wanted for so many crimes, surely you can find better entertainment.” He then stared at A-Jiu, who had passed out in his arms. He settled his brother onto the soft grass and stood up, turning around to glare daggers at Wu Yanzi. He remembered reading about this character–person–in the novel and after a single damn day, he decided that he still hates his fucking guts. Perhaps he should applaud Airplane for being able to create another character so terribly unredeemable that it makes Shen Yuan want to rant in a comment section about it. Regretfully, he couldn’t go on the internet here, so he had to settle for seething as silently as he could. Which wasn’t as silent as it should've been.

“You should keep your mouth shut, unless you want to make your brother sad by suddenly disappearing one night.” Wu Yanzi pushed himself off the tree, eyes glimmering red as a cruel smirk enveloped his lips. “I’m not above killing children.”

Perhaps unwise and stupid, but he didn't scare Shen Yuan. He grew up with A-Jiu of all people, after all. 

“Whatever, I know. A man on wanted lists for killing, committing robbery and arson would be vile enough to kill a child. But if I die, A-Jiu will know it was you. He’d kill you in an instant.” This man really underappreciated just how smart A-Jiu was. Honestly, Shen Yuan was offended on his brother’s behalf!

Wu Yanzi perked a brow. “You seem to know a lot about me.”

A-Jiu isn’t dumb, but apparently I am!

“Well, you are infamous.” Shen Yuan muttered. He felt the atmosphere shift. He watched as a thin, dark aura formed around the demonic cultivator. He was still smiling, so maybe he wasn't upset. But then what's with the super intimidating stance?! Why is he staring at Shen Yuan like that? It was creepy and weird and unsettled him.

“I've been meaning to ask, how is your core at such an advanced stage of development?” Wu Yanzi prompted and when Shen Yuan didn’t respond, he continued. “Not only that, but how do you know such advanced techniques? Transferring qi to calm someone inflicted with resentful energy is a delicate technique. One mistake and you'd be inflicted with it yourself.”

Shen Yuan felt his insides squirm at being confronted. Unlike A-Jiu, Wu Yanzi probably wasn't going to accept ‘I forgot’ as an answer. But he really had no idea, he just woke up like this! Well, he did have a theory, but saying that this body was created for him after he died and transmigrated would make him seem like a lunatic!

Just as Wu Yanzi was about to continue his verbal assault, A-Jiu shifted and groaned, eyelids fluttering as he began to wake up. His eyes peeled open and he registered the tense situation in front of him. Like a natural born predator, he was on his feet instantly, accessing the situation to see if he’d need to fight. But at that point, Wu Yanzi already backed off and was back at the tree, leaning and just staring. Shen Yuan felt uncomfortable at how the man’s eyes were glued to him. Please look elsewhere! I am not the marvel you think I am, I basically cheated to get this core!

A-Jiu settled down, though his eyes were still sharp. “What now?”

“Have you heard about the Immortal Alliance Conference?”

The name caught Shen Yuan’s attention. Wu Yanzi noticed him perk up and shot another long look at him. Shen Yuan shrivelled under the intense stare. Fine! I'll just be an emoteless, robotic sack of flesh since anything I do apparently fucks up the situation further! 

“No, I haven't.” A-Jiu said.

“At the end of this year, the event will be held. You’ll help me kill and steal supplies from the participants.”

Ah, this plot line.

Shen Qingqiu got in trouble for everything he did in the future when Luo Binghe confronted him. Even though A-Jiu's already done petty crimes and practised demonic cultivation, if he commited murder outside of self-defense then there'd be no hope of saving his reputation in the future. Obviously, Shen Yuan couldn't voice any of this. If he wanted to help, he'd have to be lowkey about it. So that meant he'll have time to participate during it so he could keep Wu Yanzi from doing anything.

The conversation carried on.

“Wouldn't killing bring about suspicion?” A-Jiu asked reluctantly. Shen Yuan hoped he was reluctant as a result of morals. Though it was more likely only because he knew it would upset Shen Yuan. He promised not to hurt anyone.

A-Jiu would break promises if it meant staying alive, which Shen Yuan couldn't fault him for. But because A-Jiu had a naturally restless and skittish personality, he mistook uncomfortable situations as life or death often. Shen Yuan wasn't mad at him for it, but it was frustrating trying to explain to A-Jiu that a man staring at them for a minute too long didn't warrant a fight.

A-Jiu punched a man in the face before for ‘staring at Shen Yuan creepily’.

At least his heart was in the right place.

“Accidents happen to disciples all the time during the Immortal Alliance Conference.” Wu Yanzi explained breezily as though talking about the weather. “I've done it before, all we'll need to do is infiltrate, execute and extract. Rather simple, if you ask me.”

A-Jiu seemed deep in thought, staring at Shen Yuan with a contemplative frown as though waiting for his input. You little–! Shen Yuan shrugged and looked at his feet. “It's not like I can stop you, A-Jiu, you made that perfectly clear.” Acting like you actually respect my opinion? Shameless! So utterly shameless of you!

“Hmph, I'm glad you understand now.”

When Shen Yuan stayed silent, he heard a sigh as his brother moved to crouch beside him. Two tender, cold hands rested atop his own. He raised his head to see A-Jiu staring at him with such intensity that it was like staring at the sun. He tried to look back down but A-Jiu lifted a hand to grab his cheek. It was as equally soft as it was icy, the remnants of demonic energy absent but the aftereffects present. “Do not ignore me, A-Yuan.”

“M'sorry.” He mumbled unconvincingly.

Wu Yanzi finally moved and walked over and stared down at Shen Yuan for a moment, before sighing dramatically and spinning around. “Let’s go back to the inn. You–” He pointed at A-Jiu, “come with me, we’ll go get some money today.”

Shen Yuan felt like something was slipping from his fingers as A-Jiu walked on ahead, talking to Wu Yanzi with a cold glare on his face. He idled behind them, staring at his hands and the lingering iciness A-Jiu’s skin left on them. The demonic cultivation was changing his mood. He was more volatile and it had only been one session. He was far more like… Shen Qingqiu.

It didn’t help that Shen Yuan had been having a strange feeling recently. Like he had forgotten something that happened during their stay at the Qiu Household. All those weeks he spent in a daze and now that he was conscious again his mind could give him fragmented recollections. Wisps of words. Moments he had no memory of before. Pieces of a puzzle he wasn't sure he wanted to solve.

They walked back to the inn, and A-Jiu hugged him tightly before heading off again. Shen Yuan went to sit outside and stare at the setting sun. Such beautiful colours… such a beautiful world. When it wanted to be. He let his strained eyes slip shut and felt the sun warm his face like gentle palms. He smiled softly to himself as he slipped into sleep.

He woke up what felt like seconds later, cheeks wet. The sun had left and it was cold.

Had he just been dreaming? He didn't remember but the tears indicated that something happened. He was starting to get pissed off at how prone this body was to crying. Like, come on! Sure, it's a child's body, but he's an adult! Actually, if this body's frontal lobe was still developing, did that affect him? Did the hormones change his behaviour? Ah, how frustrating! At the very least he still had his previous knowledge. 

Shen Yuan sat up and shivered. Falling asleep out in the open? A-Jiu would've scolded him if he came back and saw that.

He stood up and went into the inn. Dirt stuck to his clothes and hair, attracting a frown from the poor helper that was probably going to be stuck cleaning towels and bedsheets. He entered Wu Yanzi's room first, nosing around. It was completely empty. There was only one backpack but it was filled with junk. A decoy, then.

He shook his head and groaned.

Sherlock made investigating seem so easy!

Shen Yuan was stumped after five minutes. He went back to his own room and sat by the window. A-Jiu should be coming back soon. Shen Yuan's head hit the table. Look at him, waiting by the window like a forlorn wife awaiting her husband! He felt invigorated to do something. He went to the bed and sat atop it. Maybe he could try cultivating?

He closed his eyes and hummed. He felt stupid after a minute of it. Is he supposed to hum while doing it? Shouldn't he be quiet? He read on the internet that humming made the brain more silent, so should he keep doing it?

“Ah, fuck…” He palmed his eyes and groaned even louder.

If only he had a stupid, damned system to ask these questions!

He inhaled deeply, feeling his chest rise as his lungs filled to the brim with air. Holding it, he untensed his eyelids, letting them relax as though he was going to sleep. He focused on his stomach instead, trying to at least feel his golden core. There was a faint buzz the more he focused. A strange feeling reminiscent of a stomach ache, but painless and just uncomfortable. Is that his core or just his intestines, how was he supposed to know?!

“Hellooo? Any System out there?” He attempted half-heartedly, before giving up as he heard nothing respond. He was acting like a lunatic. Could A-Jiu hurry up and come back already? It was his idea for Shen Yuan to give his qi to him, now he's off criming and criminal-ing or whatever. Was that even a word? Wait, he was supposed to be meditating, why is he thinking of A-Jiu?!

He gave up.

His groaning was interrupted by the door opening. He shot up from the bed just as A-Jiu walked into their bedroom. A smile filled his face and he ran to A-Jiu, poking and prodding his body for any injuries. “Did it go well? Was anybody hurt?” For some reason, his brother smelled strangely lacking. Like he'd just taken a bath. Shen Yuan frowned and picked up a strand of hair, which was dry. He must still be thinking weirdly.

“It went fine. No one was hurt.” He spoke in a chipped tone and went to sit by the bed. “Why aren't you asleep yet? It's late.”

Shen Yuan flushed. “I just wanted to make sure you were fine! It's been a while since we've slept apart, y'know?”

His anxiety seemed to make A-Jiu's posture soften. “Let's go to sleep then. Tomorrow morning we'll be going to another town.”

Shen Yuan crawled onto the bed and grabbed A-Jiu by the wrist, dragging him into bed and huddling up to his side. His body burned with heat that Shen Yuan happily snuggled into like a baby bird seeking warmth. He let his muscles unwind and sighed. His eyes fluttered against the slightly sweaty back and when he inhaled, all he could smell was A-Jiu. Ever since waking up from that nightmare, he'd been so tense and on edge. But now he felt like bubbling lava. Warm and fluid. “Goodnight, A-Jiu. Wake me up at the same time you get up.”

“Of course.”

“And A-Jiu?”

A-Jiu hummed, waiting for him to finish.

“Nevermind…”

He heard A-Jiu scoff but he still played with his hair until he fell into a dreamless slumber.

Chapter 5: Shine Brightly, Little Jewel

Notes:

Content warning for vomiting, inconsequential death.
A lot of manipulation from Wu Yanzi
Also past mentions of animal death, which I should've tagged before, sorry!

Shen Yuan stuck to A-Jiu like glue for the next week in a poor attempt to hide from Wu Yanzi. He really didn't want to end up in a room alone with him or to continue their unfinished conversation. Conversation? Hah! More like confrontation! No, he wanted to pretend that demonic cultivator didn't exist in the slightest. A-Jiu noticed his clinginess but didn't vocalise his confusion, which Shen Yuan appreciated greatly.

Though, curiously, he did occasionally shove Shen Yuan away with a flushed scowl if they got too close. It wasn't like he was on his lap or anything! And even if he was, they’re like bros anyway! It's not weird or anything to enjoy the company of a bro.

But time passed and A-Jiu started returning his touchiness. Despite still being agitated when he was touched by another man, Shen Yuan seemed to be the exception to A-Jiu's rule and Shen Yuan was ecstatic with this! It meant that he had A-Jiu's trust. But it also meant that they were harder to separate and Wu Yanzi wouldn't try to talk to him! Although Shen Yuan was overjoyed at first, the new dynamic caused new issues to sprout. Like weeds in a pot, they came unceremoniously. A-Jiu had started to try and pressure Shen Yuan into helping them rob. Whenever he declined, A-Jiu got upset and told him off.

They were standing on the side of a dirt road when A-Jiu brought it up again.

“I don't want to participate, A-Jiu.” Shen Yuan said in a declarative tone he didn't often use. This particular idea unsettled him; the thought of actively robbing a person. Don't get him wrong, he knows that it's hypocritical when his food and shelter is paid for by the money A-Jiu and Wu Yanzi steal. But Shen Yuan grew up on Earth. Cognitive dissonance was a custom there! His mind was practically spoonfed wilful ignorance. A habit like that was hard to break out of, not that he could use that excuse forever. At the end of the day, he was face to face with that dark side of reality and he found himself in a struggle.

A-Jiu sneered and crossed his arms. “You need to help out eventually.”

“I help stabilise your meridians after you finish cultivating!” Shen Yuan pointed out and shook his head, “I just don't feel right about it…”

“Well you need to get over it, A-Yuan! If something happened to me and you were all alone, what would happen?!” A-Jiu snapped and Shen Yuan shrugged, staring at the dirty dirt dirtying under their feet.

“I guess I'd just die.” He joked, then shut up at the murderous expression that appeared on A-Jiu's face. He quickly raised his hands and waved them in the air. “I'm just joking! I was just making a joke! Jeez!” He reassured, but the frown was still there.

“Next time you want to joke, I'll hit you in the damn forehead! And don't change the topic. You need to be more independent in case something happens to me and I'm not here.” A-Jiu explained and watched Shen Yuan shrivel at his loud words.

“If you died, I'd probably be dead at that point too.” He mumbled and kicked a stone. If A-Jiu died then Shen Yuan's fucked anyway.

A-Jiu scoffed and shook his head. “Fine. Don't help then.”

“Gege…”

“Don't call me that!” A-Jiu snapped, cheeks reddening.

Shen Yuan conjured the best puppy-eye look he could. Even going so far as to poke out his lower lip. “Gege.”

“What did I just say?! You dull, half-witted dunce!” A-Jiu spat rude words like he was a preaching priest, which meant that Shen Yuan won. He broke out into a grin and went to hug A-Jiu. The tense body underneath him oozed tension until he lightly hugged Shen Yuan back. He really is a tsundere!

“I've been meaning to ask, why are you avoiding Wu Yanzi?”

“I… aha… he's just scary, A-Jiu. I don't like him, he's a criminal and you'll get in trouble if you get caught working with him.” Shen Yuan said and leaned back, patting A-Jiu's head.

“I'd never let him touch you.”

“I know that! I just want to protect you. I know you're stronger than me, so I can't help you in many ways but I am smart! I'm the brains and you–” He poked A-Jiu's nose making his face scrunch up. “– you are the brawns.”

“Are you calling me a dumb brute?!”

“No I didn’t, where’d you get that from?! I just meant that you're stronger, you always stand up for me and scare assholes off. Look, I'm off those pills now, but the pain and aches are returning, I'm afraid you'll get tired of me.”

“Tired of you…?” A-Jiu was shocked, then a foul expression stole the beauty from his face. “You think so poorly of me that I'd leave you?!”

“I didn't mean that, A-Jiu!”

Holy shit, talking with A-Jiu was like arguing with an internet troll, except he naturally took everything the wrong way.

“Then what did you mean, Shen Yuan?” A-Jiu spat lowly, brows bunched so tightly it looked like his face would tear in half. He was about to start ranting, and this time, Shen Yuan wouldn't back down. If he did then A-Jiu would just internalise this stupid fight and it would affect their relationship.

“Maybe if you stop adding to my words then I'd not need to explain it.”

A-Jiu pulled back, crossing his arms. “Of course, it's my fault, isn't it?”

“A-Jiu, would you stop–!”

“Please explain to this lowly, dumb brute–”

Shen Yuan tackled him. In his defence, A-Jiu earned it.

They fell into a dry, prickly bush, rolled down the hill beside the road and straight into a tree. A-Jiu spluttered and Shen Yuan felt a jolt of pain shoot up in his side. He didn't care and pinned his brother to the ground. Long, wild grass tickled his legs and brushed A-Jiu's startled cheeks. He almost felt bad for a moment, then knew that this was the only way to get him to listen. “Stop weaponizing my words! I care about you! You're my family! My only family! So why would I mean to fucking insult you?!”

The swear word made A-Jiu raise his brows.

He stopped, inhaled sharply and continued, quieter this time. “I don't want to lose you. If you die, I'll be so lost without you! If you cry, then I– I don't know – I'll hug you.” Shen Yuan realised his hands were still gripping A-Jiu's shoulders tightly. He loosened them and leaned upward, staring down at the stunned boy.

“If you… if you want to hurt others then I'll stop you out of it before you hurt yourself too. Because you’re kind.”

“Kind? Me?” A-Jiu spoke softly. “I'm not… I could never be…”

“Of course you are, you took me in. You snuck books to teach me after being hurt by Qiu Jianluo. I know you tried to hide it, so I didn't bring it up. But I knew, A-Jiu. I knew what he did; threatened to do with me.” He trailed off, seeing the unshed tears in A-Jiu’s eyes. “I also knew you'd be upset that I know, so I've been quiet about it.”

“A-Yuan,”

“I'm sorry for tackling you but you're so stubborn and hard-headed.” Shen Yuan stated. His eyes widened at the trailing tears on A-Jiu's face. Thin streams ran down his temples and into his hair. Guilt hit Shen Yuan and he scrambled to get off A-Jiu, ready to apologise profusely when A-Jiu suddenly hugged him. A-Jiu's nails dug into his back but he ignored its sting.

“And you called me the brute.”

“I didn't call you that– and I said sorry!” Shen Yuan protested, then heard A-Jiu laugh.

“Now that I think about it, I don't want you to help me rob people. I want you to stay like this forever.”

“Like what?”

“You'll just protest whatever I call you.”

“No I won't! Tell me what you meant!”

“Innocent, I was going to say innocent.”

To his credit, he only protested mentally.

I am not innocent! No way in hell! Just because I try to be nice which is apparently a rarity here?! Which makes sense if it's based on a revenge driven novel. But that's besides the point. If only he knew all the pages of papapa I've read, he’d change his mind in an instant! Sure, I didn't actually like it and only skimmed it. But I still did read it. I still occasionally thought about Binghe's heavenly–

Too far. Shen Yuan stopped his inner dialogue before it finished that sentence.

He sulked, shuffling onto his feet. “I’m not that nice, I just tackled you.” He pointed out and it only made A-Jiu laugh harder. Shen Yuan felt his cheeks blush with embarrassment.

“Whatever you say, A-Yuan, let’s go. We were told to wait on the road, not in the forest.”

“Yeah yeah, just give me a moment, my back hurts.”

“Talking like an old man?” A-Jiu scoffed and watched as Shen Yuan stretched his back like a cat, groaning with relief as the arch popped a few bones in his spine. He smiled and held out a hand to help A-Jiu out, staring with confusion at the sudden redness on the boy’s cheeks. Ah, fuck. Why did he have to tackle him?! He crouched and placed a hand against A-Jiu forehead, softly brushing hair out of the way and pouting his lips.

“Are you sick?”

A-Jiu shoved the hand away and shot to his feet. “No! I’m not sick!” He nearly shouted and stormed back up the slope and onto the road. Shen Yuan stared after him, dumbfounded. What the heck was that about? He followed, staring at the hand that he’d placed against A-Jiu’s forehead. It was warm and pleasant. He smiled and shook his head. Whatever, it was futile to try guessing A-Jiu’s mood, as long as he doesn’t sense any genuine anger, he’ll be fine.

The sun hit his face and he flinched, holding a hand to shield his eyes. A-Jiu was standing at the corner of the road, arms crossed and lips thinned. His gaze briefly flickered over to Shen Yuan, before his face reddened even further and he scowled, averting his gaze.

Well, alright then. He’s shy? How cute! Shen Yuan felt himself smile wider. He genuinely felt like he was changing things. Making A-Jiu a better person by showing him kindness. Maybe, he’d even be able to change fate, to show A-Jiu that there was a life beyond paranoia and hatred. All he had to do was make sure he didn’t fall further into the abyss life and now Wu Yanzi was pushing him into. To make sure he didn’t become Shen Qingqiu.

 

 

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Shen Jiu’s blade dug into the man’s neck. “Hurry up.”

“I– I don’t have that much money on me!” The man in front of him whimpered and shook his head, “please don’t do this, please! My wife is sick, she- she needs this money for her medication. So don’t, please!” His sobs made Shen Jiu’s ears ache. He glared up at Wu Yanzi, who watched sharply, waiting to see what he’d do. Shen Jiu debated slicing the man’s throat open right here and now, but his mind conjured up a memory of A-Yuan’s smiling face.

‘Because you’re kind.’ A-Yuan had uttered, a soft gleam in his eyes that showed he genuinely thought those words were true. The raw honesty scared him. It made him want to hide away in fear of destroying that hope within A-Yuan. He wanted to become nice just to make A-Yuan smile. He wanted to kill and slaughter to prove that he wasn’t. He wanted to be weak. Strong. To let himself unravel like a flower and let A-Yuan settle within him. He wanted to close over him like a venus flytrap and digest him.

Kind.

Kind?

Me?

He scoffed again at the memory.

“I don’t give a shit. Give me your money, or your wife will lose her husband as well as the money.” He sneered and heard the tears become stronger. Then he felt a weight in his palm as a pouch was placed in it. He pulled the blade away and kicked the man in the shin, watching him fall to the ground in a mess of snot and tears. He wondered where that kindness in him was. Why he could cry over A-Yuan only to rob without any emotion. Was it the betrayals? The punishments from Qiu Jianluo? The pleasure he felt while murdering that beast? At what point did he stop caring?

Maybe it had been the first orphan he befriended, only to see her beaten and traded by the slavers. That was the first lesson in humanity’s darkness.

Wu Yanzi walked over to him and snatched the pouch, checking the amount of money in it. He sighed and shook his head, turning to tut at the sobbing man laying by his feet. “Such a small amount, are you hiding some from us?”

“I’m not! I swear, I’m not! Please let me go, I need to go take care of her, please!” He wept and wept and Wu Yanzi laughed at him. He spun around, kicked the man in the side so he rolled over onto his back, and glared holes into his face.

“You’re lying.”

“I- I’m not. I spent most of it today on medicine.”

Wu Yanzi quirked a brow. “You have that medicine on you now?”

“I do. I … wait, no no no please don’t take it!”

Wu Yanzi’s lips peeled back into a snarling grin. “You thought to fool me?”

The man shot up and shrieked. “PLEASE!”

Shen Jiu watched with apathetic eyes as Wu Yanzi leaned over and ripped the man’s robes open, pulling another pouch out of his clothes. The man hunched over and wailed, clutching his bare chest and screaming. Something about that image affected him. It was then that he felt a twinge of guilt. Something raw and unfiltered slipped past his mask of apathy and told Shen Jiu to help him.

“Why don’t you give this to your brother? I’m sure he’d appreciate it.” Wu Yanzi passed it over to him and just like that, the guilt evaporated.

Wu Yanzi smirked.

“Let’s go then, we’re done here.”

They turned to leave and the man suddenly stood up, running toward Shen Jiu with desperate eyes. He turned and watched as Wu Yanzi acted before the man could grab Shen Jiu. A blade ran through his throat, hand falling inches away from Shen Jiu’s face. His body went limp. Blood ran down his bare chest. Wu Yanzi pulled his knife out, watching the man fall to the floor. “And that is why you always finish them off afterwards. You show any mercy, and they take more of it.” Wu Yanzi turned to stare at Shen Jiu, who was still staring at the corpse at his feet. “I see you still fighting with yourself, with your true nature.”

“Please don’t go on another tangent.” Shen Jiu rolled his eyes and turned to leave, hearing footsteps fall into sync behind him. Wu Yanzi never commented on his rudeness. In fact, the demonic cultivator seemed to enjoy their banter. Like a blade being clashed against grindstone, they rolled off each other with sparks and violence.

“A tangent? You’re my disciple, I'm meant to teach you. You tell me you know the way of the world, but then you go and feel guilt for taking what you need? What your precious A-Yuan needs?”

“Don’t call him that!” Shen Jiu hissed, turning to glare at Wu Yanzi. “Don’t filthy his name with your foul tongue!”

Wu Yanzi laughed in delight. “You poor, damaged soul. Like a fletchling with a crippled wing you refuse to mend. Why? Because you want to be with your little brother? Let me give you a word of advice–” Wu Yanzi grabbed his shoulder, forcing him to stop. Shen Jiu went tense and turned to glare at him, freezing at the red eyes staring at him. “Listen to me.”

For a moment, his face morphed into Qiu Jianluo’s. “...Fine.” He spoke with a meekness he hated.

“A bird forced to stay in the nest will die. Unless, of course, another bird is willing to leave the nest, do the dirty work, and return with resources. If you truly want to keep him safe then abandon all the guilt and sympathy within you, Shen Jiu . Dispose of kindness, compassion and your humanity.”

Shen Jiu stared wordlessly at his feet.

The hand let go of him and they began to walk again. He didn't even have time to properly process his thoughts and emotions before Wu Yanzi started to talk again. Mental assault after mental assault. At least it was better than the physical assault he usually had to deal with.

“I heard you arguing with your brother.”

“What about it?” A-Jiu stared ahead, ignoring the man’s stare.

“Ahh… sometimes I feel like my advice falls on deaf ears.”

“For good reason.” Shen Jiu quipped.

“Here I thought we were finally getting along, but I suppose you're good at that, aren't you?”

“Good at what?”

He laughed instead of responding. Wu Yanzi walked ahead of him, falling into a steady stride that had Shen Jiu struggling to keep his pace. His arms were clasped behind his back. An air of ease emitted from his posture. He looked to the sky and let out a long, dramatic sigh. “I talk to you in hopes of getting it through your head but you always argue. He’s going to be your downfall.”

A-Jiu laughed. “Give up on trying to drive a wedge between us, it's useless. Besides, I'd rather fall with him than fly without him.” He said with a slight grin, knowing those words would piss him off.

“How poetic.” Wu Yanzi sneered.

He heard a shuffle of fabric as Wu Yanzi tucked the money away beneath his robes. “And you misunderstand me. Why would I try to drive a wedge between you both when you’re doing that all on your own? Shen Jiu, you really think he won’t get sick of you? You really think someone as weak and soft as him won’t break eventually and leave you?” Wu Yanzi spoke languidly and without emotion.

Shen Jiu stared up at the moon, which was peeking through thick clouds. He remembered when he’d wake up and A-Yuan would be asleep, his head poking out of the blankets, hair on their pillows and a soft, delicate touch to his relaxed expression. Shen Jiu could stare at that expression for hours. He closed his eyes and let a calmness fill his face. He then looked at the silent Wu Yanzi, who observed him with flinty eyes. “You were right about me, when we first talked, I don’t think I’m capable of loving.”

Shen Jiu also used to think he was incapable of being loved, but then he met ███ and A-Yuan. So maybe he could love and just needed to be proved wrong.

“But I certainly am capable of whatever I need to be for him. I’d rather kill you than let him go.”

"How reassuring. And if he dies? Will you just kill yourself?"

"I bet you'd love it if I said yes."

“And what if you die and he lives?”

Shen Jiu shrugged.

He did not know what he’d do if he was ever faced with that choice, but he certainly wasn’t evil enough to consider killing Shen Yuan like Wu Yanzi hoped. Though with every passing day he handled resentful energy, he was unsure how his mind was being affected by it. Like chemicals influenced people to the point of suicide and slaughter, resentful energy was the same.

How terrifying to know that your own self was at risk of being contaminated. How much of yourself is truly you? When does the ‘you’ end and the influence of chemicals and other humans begin?

But that wasn’t his fault. The fault laid with the demonic energy he cultivated. If he said that then at least, he could convince himself that maybe A-Yuan was right and that there was good in him. That maybe he just had a shitty life, and if he was treated right, then everything could be magically repaired. It was hard to tell if his heart had stopped hurting or if he got so used to the pain he couldn't feel it. Shen Jiu didn’t know which answer he preferred.

All he knew was that he had to live until now out of a bitter contempt for fate. He felt like he’d been tossed into shit so much that now he was determined to see how far he could climb. To spit in the face of the gods watching and prove that he’s capable. That he’s better than anyone who shoved him down and called him pathetic and worthless. Shen Jiu’s entire life revolved around that contemptment. When A-Yuan had been introduced, he felt like a parasite who’s host had been ripped apart. Now exposed to sunlight, naked and bare and exposed, he despised it while desperate for the newfound warmth. He had no understanding of it, but then he thought back to Shen Yuan’s words.

‘You don’t need to understand it, gege, you just need to accept that I want to help.’

How was that possible? To accept something he doesn’t understand? Shen Yuan might be able, but he’s far more naive than A-Jiu originally thought if he genuinely thinks that’d work for A-Jiu. He discarded what he couldn't comprehend, but like usual, Shen Yuan was an exception.

His mind began to be flooded with everything Shen Yuan had said.

‘No, wait! It was the other way around! I… this one was trying to run off with it.’

‘I just didn’t want you to get in trouble, A-Jiu…’

‘I dunno, I kinda felt bad for it. it was so sickly and thin.’

‘I apologise on my gege’s behalf, and will accept any punishment for him.’

‘... Think of it like our own little language…’

‘You don’t need to understand it, gege, you just need to accept that I want to help.’

You don’t need to understand.

You don’t need to.

I do need to.

I don’t understand.

I can’t understand you, A-Yuan.

Shen Jiu wasn’t one to muse like this, he decided to think about it later. Not when his face was being stared at.

Wu Yanzi laughed heartily, the sound filling the cold, night air between them. His teeth were a glowing white, canines sharp. “Y'know… speaking of keeping him alive. That night you took qi from your brother, what exactly did you do?”

Shen Jiu shrugged and kicked a stone as his mind went back to it. “I dunno, He…” It was A-Yuan who decided to give it to him. Shen Jiu had only been touching him at the time. But he doesn't tell Wu Yanzi that. “Why do you ask?” He looked up, eyeing the man suspiciously.

Wu Yanzi scoffed. “You don't listen to my advice anyway, why should I tell you?”

“Are you trying to get me to admit I listen to your words?”

“Hah! I already know you do.”

“Then tell me already. I've already had to listen to you this long.”

Wu Yanzi rolled his shoulders and laughed heartily. “If you insist!”

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes.

“I called your brother a broken bird, but I was wrong about that. Think of him like a well, one you can take from.”

Shen Jiu's lips peeled into a disgusted scowl. “Fuck you, whatever you’re implying, it's disgusting.”

His words earned another laugh. “If you have to one day pick between letting him die and taking his qi, what would you do? You just admitted you'd kill me to protect him. If his life came at the price of you hurting him, why not do it? We both know he'd forgive you anyw–”

“ SHUT UP!”

Wu Yanzi held his hands in the air and laughed. It was like drinking poison listening to this man. But at the same time, his words resonated within Shen Jiu in a way that disgusted himself. He couldn't help but ask himself what he'd do. What he should do.

Knowing something was manipulation didn't matter if his brain wanted to agree with it.

They returned to the inn and Shen Jiu crept into his room. A-Yuan was engrossed in a book about monsters. He seemed to be more interested in them after being taught how to read, so despite their lack of money, Shen Jiu still made sure to buy a new book every now and then. The smile he received was worth it, even if he ended up brushing it off with a scowl. A few times, he’d heard A-Yuan mutter an unfamiliar word under his breath. Soon-de-ray, or something. He didn’t get it.

“A-Jiu!” Shen Yuan tossed the book aside and rushed over to give him a once over, looking for any injuries. After being satisfied with what he saw, he held Shen Jiu by the arms and looked at him with a bright smile, his teeth were a bright, pearly white. Only when they were taken to the Qiu Household were they given the proper dental care. Shen Jiu was rather happy at having much cleaner teeth. It made him feel further from who he used to be. “How was it?”

The ‘did anyone get hurt’ went unasked.

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. “It went fine, we just took some man’s money. He didn’t put up any fight so we didn’t have to hurt him.”

A-Yuan seemed to ease up a bit and Shen Jiu dragged him over to the bed, getting him to grab the book from the ground. “What are you reading about this time?”

“A ten-footed water lizard.” Shen Yuan started excitedly as he ushered Shen Jiu to lean up against him. They both slid under the covers and Shen Jiu closed his eyes, preparing to listen to his brother rant. It was soothing, even if he didn’t give a shit about the topic itself. If it were anyone else talking about this, he’d kick them in the shin and call them stupid before leaving. Since it was Shen Yuan though, he could make an exception. It seemed he did that a lot for Shen Yuan these days.

“It’s a stupid name.”

“Yeah, it is.” A-Yuan laughed and leaned back to get comfortable, resting the book on his knees. “But the beast itself is very fascinating! Its mouth has two sacs that can be inflated to the size of its brain! It uses these sacs to store water from rivers, lakes, anywhere with a good source of flowing water. Then it mixes that water with a venom it produces, and sprays it when threatened!”

Shen Jiu didn’t say anything but he knew that it wouldn’t deter Shen Yuan, who kept talking.

“The sacs are usually harvested by humans to store water and liquor inside, since the material is sturdy and doesn’t tear easily. There was also this one case where someone used it to make a mask!” At this, Shen Jiu rolled over and lazily read the book, only to notice that the book didn’t mention that. That was another thing about Shen Yuan, he was absurdly smart when it came to specific topics. Too bad that didn't apply to his emotional intelligence.

“Where are they found?” He questioned.

“Eastward of here, closer to where… ah…” Shen Yuan cleared his throat. “Cang Qiong Peak is.”

“I see.” Shen Jiu sighed and closed his eyes, too tired to get angry when thinking about ███. He went from pissed to worried. Is he hurt? Dead? Is he perfectly fine and just forgot about them? He didn’t know which answer he wanted. The selfish, twisted part which festered on his dwelling hatred wished that he’d be dead so that it wasn’t the other option. But Shen Jiu didn’t want him dead. He just wanted a reason. Something that could explain everything. An answer that could keep him as family in his eyes but also explain why he never came back. Is that even possible?

“I want to go there.”

“You do?” Shen Jiu questioned and glanced up to see a rare expression of determination set on Shen Yuan’s jaw.

“Yes, I do. I think you’ve been… forming a core from whenever I flush out your meridians. But I can also feel… damage? I think the demonic energy you’ve been cultivating these past few months has been damaging your meridians. Whenever I try to give you my qi, it gets stuck sometimes.” Shen Yuan explained but then smiled softly at him. “But if we go there now, we could become disciples, yes? You could get a proper core and prevent damage. I could learn the guqin! I’ve always wanted to learn it, but never had the time nor money for it.”

Shen Jiu listened quietly. He could see the appeal. If they went there, then they’d be taken care of, taught cultivation, and gain authority all in one. But did he deserve to dwell among those righteous cultivators?

“Of course!” Shen Yuan snapped and he realised he had considered the question aloud. “I think you’re the most righte… okay, maybe not righteous, but you’re kind! Well, to me. Whatever! I don’t care what you think, or what anyone thinks about you. If they insult you then I’ll hit them!”

He laughed at his brother’s words. It was amusing seeing A-Yuan desperate to somehow make him feel like he wasn’t a wicked, evil human. “You couldn’t hurt someone if you tripped with a sword.”

But that’s what I like about you.

“Hey! Don’t be rude!”

Shen Jiu rolled onto his back and stared at the ceiling.

Maybe things could be better. Maybe they should go to the mountains. They were already headed there anyway for the Immortal Alliance Conference. He could pretend to be on Wu Yanzi’s side, turn him in to the Peak Lords there to gain favour, then use that favour to get him and Shen Yuan accepted into the sect. He could spin some story about being manipulated by the demonic cultivator, clear all the faults in his past, then appear more righteous and kind. The more he thought of it, the more he felt it was the best plan he’d ever come up with. This way, everyone would be happy (except Wu Yanzi), they’d be safe and not only that, but he’d be able to see if he could find out what happened to  ███.

Because as much as he hated to admit it, Qi█ was family to him. He wanted nothing more than to go there, find him, and become a family of three again. Just like old times. He listened as Shen Yuan blew out the candle lights without getting up out of bed. He sighed and let his body ease as much as it let itself into the mattress. It wasn’t often that he could fully relax, not after being on the streets, or being in the Qiu Household, or being with Wu Yanzi. It really was never-ending, wasn’t it?

His mind went back to the Qiu Household. An entire year trapped there. “A-Yuan…?”

“Mmm?” He hummed tiredly.

A-Jiu thought back to a particular day and wondered why Shen Yuan hadn't mentioned it yet. “When you were sick… how much do you remember?” Shen Jiu wanted to know. He wanted to know if A-Yuan remembered what Qiu Jianluo had almost done with A-Yuan.

“I think… I feel like I've forgotten something. I have bad dreams I can't remember, I think it's ‘cus of my missing mmm…” He trailed off then his eyes fluttered back open. His tired, distant gaze on A-Jiu, yet also staring off into the distance. “...memories? I dunno. A-Jiu, you'd tell me, right?”

“Of course I would. Goodnight, A-Yuan.” His A-Yuan closed his eyes.

“Goodnight, A-Jiu.”

He waited until A-Yuan was asleep before playing with his hair. It was soft, delicate and soothing to hold, just like A-Yuan himself. Shen Jiu spent some time just staring at his relaxed face. He was pretty, a charm that lured in all kinds of predators. The face of a rabbit before it's ripped into shreds and devoured by wolves. Shen Jiu thought himself of a predator, but he genuinely had A-Yuan's best interests at heart. It was one of the only things about himself that he was certain about.

‘If his life came at the price of you hurting him, why not do it?’

---

 

 

Shen Yuan woke up alone, Wu Yanzi looming over him.

“Fuck! ” He yelped and scrambled up. His face burned at the curse he used, eyes averted from Wu Yanzi, whose brows were raised and entertainment thickly entangled into his expression. He quickly looked to his right, seeing that A-Jiu was missing. It seemed that Wu Yanzi finally managed to separate them.

“Morning to you too.”

“Aha… yes, good morning.” Shen Yuan mumbled into the sheets. “Where’s A-Jiu?”

“Buying food, it’s just us.”

“Ah…… okay….” He pressed his mouth into the blanket, words muffled. He flinched as Wu Yanzi sat at the corner of the bed, fidgeting with a knife, the tip pressed into one of his scarred fingers. The point was basically begging to slice the fingertip open, but the thickly padded callouses prevented it. “Did you... need something?”

“What if I just wanted to chat? It’s not often I’m alone with you.”

I wonder why! Shen Yuan screamed in his head but externally, he offered a small, quivering smile. “Is that so?”

Wu Yanzi stopped playing with the knife. He let it rest on his thigh. The blade pointed toward Shen Yuan. “Indeed. I’d be quite hurt if you’ve been avoiding me just because of a past fight. I hope you don’t hold grudges.”

“I’m sorry for being rude to you last time.” Shen Yuan apologised and shuffled slightly to the left side of the bed, away from the man. From the blade still pointed at him.

Wu Yanzi barked out another laugh, gaining another flinch from Shen Yuan. “So meek! No wonder your brother is so enchanted with you. He could stab you and you’d forgive him, right?”

Shen Yuan frowned. Such mischaracterization! I would not!

“What do you want?” He said, slightly sharper. His irritation only made Wu Yanzi’s smirk grow wider.

“I wanted to ask you a question, that’s all?” Wu Yanzi watched as Shen Yuan nodded slowly, before he continued with a grin. “Do you like birds, Shen Yuan?”

Birds? What a weird line of questioning.

Shen Yuan felt himself tense, and he nodded slowly. The cruel gleam that burned away within Wu Yanzi’s eyes scared him. Something was wrong. Why is he bothering Shen Yuan with strange questions? Why is he so joyful about his response?

He watched Wu Yanzi reach into a pocket and hand over a necklace. His teeth were sharp, eyes like daggers, but it certainly wasn’t as violent as the sudden rush of adrenaline Shen Yuan felt as he held the necklace and looked down at it.

Oh.

Oh.

It was a simple black string. Beautiful jewels woven into the string and glittering. His stomach lurched at the familiar jewels and he scrambled out of the bed and to the window, feeling vomit rise up in his throat. Stomach acid and digested tea flooded into his mouth, saliva pooled under his tongue as he hacked and coughed and vomited. The necklace still clutched in his trembling hand. He felt his eyes prick with tears and he started to sob. In his hands were the same jewels from the bird he saved.

Shen Yuan fell to his knees coughing. Tears fell onto the necklace, making the jewels glimmer as sunlight danced through the liquid. He sniffled pathetically, unaware of how wide Wu Yanzi’s smirk was behind him. Shen Yuan flinched as a hand settled on his shoulder and the man crouched down. “What’s the matter, dear A-Yuan? I thought you liked birds?”

Shen Yuan couldn’t respond, his sobs cutting off the air from his lungs. He weakly tried to pull away from the hand, which only tightened.

“I figured it was you who saved that stupid bird, after all, you fit the description of a naive, foolish kid. How does it feel? Knowing your kindness doesn’t amount to anything? You know…” Wu Yanzi’s voice suddenly became darker, holding a sadistic glint in it. “It died because of you.”

Shen Yuan went still, his sobs finally cut off from the shock.

“I assume you were the one who left it food? How clever! Luring it out onto a rock in the open. The only reason I was able to kill it was because it was vulnerable while eating the food you left it. Honestly, I should be thanking you. You ended up helping me far before we even met. I suppose you’re just kind like that. I’ll even give you the necklace as thanks.”

“Shut up, you…” He whimpered and pulled back.

“‘You’ what? Come on, finish your sentence. I'd love to hear you curse again.”

Shen Yuan silently shook his head.

The hand slipped from his shoulder and grabbed the necklace. Wu Yanzi gently undid the string and tied it around Shen Yuan’s neck, letting it hang between his collarbones. He grabbed Shen Yuan’s hair and tugged it upward so the string went underneath. He then, to his disgust, kissed the top of Shen Yuan’s head, like a father would to his child after bestowing a gift.

He stood up and left Shen Yuan alone.

His guilt couldn’t be put into words. His mind lacked any labels for what he was feeling. He thought back to the cute little bird, head tilted as it dropped a chestnut in front of him. Its wings fluttering open and flying away, only to hang around Shen Yuan like a pet. He clutched the necklace. Part of him wanted to rip it off, still feeling the lingering touches of Wu Yanzi’s hands. But he couldn’t. This was all that was left of that bird. It died to make this jewellery. To get rid of it felt like a sin.

He spent the next hour sobbing himself dry. By the time A-Jiu returned, Shen Yuan was still in the corner, face dry but feeling sticky. His eyes were stuck to his feet.

“A-Yuan? What’s wrong?” He walked over and grabbed Shen Yuan’s hands. They were still damp from the amount of times he’d wiped his cheeks. “A-Yuan?!” A-Jiu’s voice rose and Shen Yuan shook his head.

He looked up and forced a smile. One that made his lips crack. “I’m fine, I was ill from the breakfast I had this morning.”

A-Jiu slackened with relief, before his eyes fell to the necklace. “Where did you get that?”

Shen Yuan laughed so sharply A-Jiu flinched, brows creasing with concern at Shen Yuan. He spoke shrill and bitter. “Wu Yanzi gave it to me, how kind of him! I suppose he wanted to win my favour? It’s no matter so just ignore it.”

“A-Yuan–?!”

He stood up abruptly. “Let’s go eat! I’m hungry!”

A-Jiu stayed crouched, staring up at him with concern. He eventually sighed to himself and stood up too. “You can talk to me, you know that, right?”

Shen Yuan laughed again, slightly less shrill as he was more in control of himself. “Of course I know that, A-Jiu, now let’s go. I’m starving.”

Ignore it. Shen Yuan, you’ve always done this, just ignore it.

 

Notes:

Next chapter will be the Immortal Conference Alliance! I've been so excited to post these two chapters.
Hope you enjoyed ;)

Chapter 6: Death Requires a Congratulations!

Notes:

mentions of death, injury and the usual

“Where are we going?”

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes and turned around to shoot a glare at A-Yuan, who was slowly trailing behind. A flash of concern shot through him at the sight of his A-Yuan holding a hand over his chest, like how he'd used to before a health episode. But A-Yuan was only pulling out a small, wrapped meatbun from his chest pocket. He ripped off a piece and handed it to Shen Jiu. Warmth replaced wariness. He took it with a restrained smile.

“We're almost there.”

A-Yuan humphed and made a noise of annoyance, it was muffled from the food stuffed in his mouth, his cheeks bulging outward. Even now, he still hadn't learned to eat in small portions. What if they couldn't afford the next meal? What if they got lost out here in this forest? A-Yuan lived like a boy with a limited time in this world and Shen Jiu hated it.

A-Yuan swallowed and hurried to walk side-by-side with him. From beneath the dirtied robes, Shen Jiu caught the sliver of glimmering green resting against A-Yuan's chest, under above his collarbones. When Shen Jiu had first seen that necklace on him, A-Yuan looked like he'd been crying. His face puffy and red. What upset Shen Jiu the most was that no matter how much he pushed, A-Yuan didn't tell him. It was weird. He was so insistent on pretending like he didn't get teary eyes when looking at the jewelry while also never taking it off.

He also hated the fucking glee on Wu Yanzi's face after seeing it around A-Yuan’s neck every morning. Something happened and for once A-Yuan was fighting against him. Was it another attempt from Wu Yanzi to damage their relationship? Or was it… was A-Yuan getting tired of Shen Jiu? Was he finally able to see that Shen Jiu was an irredeemable monster?

He inhaled sharply and shook his head. No, A-Yuan wouldn't do that. He admitted it himself, Shen Jiu is all he has left. He can’t leave, not yet. And Shen Jiu will make it so by the time A-Yuan got the chance to, he'd be too entangled to even want to. That, of course, meant he had to start persuading him now. Winning him over. Appearing as nice as he needs to convince A-Yuan he’s worth the pain that coagulates around him like a bleeding wound. Shen Jiu wondered why the gods hated him so much to curse him like this. The same wound, over and over again. Breaking and mending just to be broken again. Even when blood coagulates, it’s never a permanent solution.

He suddenly took a sharp left and grinned at the startled yelp and stumbling behind him.

“We're here.”

“Where– oh… wow.” A-Yuan paused. His eyes were glued to the lake ahead of them.

Within a ring of giant boulders, a collection of clear water sat. The boulders were a bright green from the vibrant moss coating them, small bursts of pink flowers among it. The water was dark, the bottom of the lake seemingly endless.

It was beautiful. And worth seeing A-Yuan's reaction to it.

A-Yuan's face was wound into a bright smile. His eyes darted from Shen Jiu to the almost perfect circle in front of him. His excitement burst through any self-restraint he had and he ran toward the lake wide strides. Shen Jiu lingered behind him, watching as he bounded from boulder to boulder, inspecting the fauna and flora before climbing onto the giant rocks and staring into the water. He didn't seem to care about the dirt staining his robes, or the clumps of moss under his fingernails.

After ten minutes, A-Yuan dragged Shen Jiu to a boulder to sit on. He started to wonder if A-Yuan had forgotten him . The moss was dying and crumbly, so it was dry to sit on.

“Thank you, A-Jiu. I really needed this.”

Shen Jiu scoffed, letting his pride sit evidently on his cheeks. “I know you too well. That's why when I saw this place I knew I had to bring you here.”

“How did you find this lake?”

I dumped a body here last night.

“I was scavenging for food. Just because we have a way to get money doesn't mean it's steady.”

“That's true.” A-Yuan laid back and kicked a leg into the air, resting it on the knee of his other bent leg. A lazy, relaxed smile bloomed on his face. “Thank you, again. Seriously, I needed this.” He then closed his eyes and his hand roamed across the stone until it found Shen Jiu's. Their fingers intertwined. Weaving like ivy on branches. Moss on stone.

“Life is nice, sometimes, isn't it?” Shen Yuan spoke up suddenly, the remark surprising Shen Jiu.

“Sometimes.”  

A-Yuan smiled, like getting him to admit that was an accomplishment. Maybe it was.

“Jiu-ge, if you could do anything without limit, what would you do?” A-Yuan questioned, his fingers clenched comfortably in Shen Jiu's grasp. The idea was silly. What was the point in thinking up impossible delusions? Yet he still considered it for a long time, face scrunched up from the thinking and bright sunlight.

“I honestly don't know.” He admitted quietly. There were too many possibilities. He could bring back Qiu Jianluo just to murder him again, but he didn't really desire that. It'd make him happy to kill him once more, and he'd certainly take his sweet time with it, but would he be fulfilled from it?

Maybe he could kill Wu Yanzi, but he was already planning to do that without a silly hypothetical.

Meet his parents? No, they didn't want him, so they didn't deserve to see him again.

Did he have any desires outside of staying alive?

“A-Jiu…” The hand tightened around his own. “It's okay not to have an idea, that's what living is for! To figure out what you wanna do with it. We only live once, after all.” At the last sentence A-Yuan laughed to himself, probably another inside joke of his.

“What about you?”

Shen Yuan's mouth opened slightly, a strange sigh coming out of it. “I dunno…. Hmm, without limits? I think I'm happy with you. Though if I had to be more specific then, if I could do anything, then I'd visit the demon realm.”

Shen Jiu's widened and he jolted up. “Why would you want to do that?!”

A-Yuan blushed and laughed awkwardly. “I've read a few stories about it and it seems very… intriguing. I wished the author actually focused on world building instead of papapa– ahem. I want to see it.”

“It's dangerous.”

“That's why I said without limits! I know I obviously can't go there! And at least I gave an answer!”

Shen Jiu felt his lips curl. “Fine then, if I could do anything without limits then I would stop you from going into the demon realm.”

“ Gege! That's not fair.” Shen Yuan whined. “Fine, I'll change my answer! If I could do anything, then I'd convince you to let me go.”

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. “I could just modify my answer to deflect your ‘convincing’.”

He heard a loud snort, then Shen Yuan burst into a wild laughter. His eyes watered and his chest shook. With bright, gleaming eyes, he looked up. “I think I have a proper wish, actually.” His face was so open and warm it was dragging Shen Jiu into it.

“What?” He choked out.

“I'd show you every nice thing in this world.” Shen Yuan smiled, a shine brighter than stars swirling in his irises, a molten green hidden behind the sun's brilliant rays of gold. The honesty disturbed him, but not in a bad way. Instead, it was the kind of way that someone felt after eating to completion. A feeling of something foreign filling one up. His chest– heart felt like it could explode.

“The only nice thing I need is you.” He said sharply. “There isn't much else out there.”

“One day.”

“Huh?”

“One day, I will show you everything good.”

Shen Jiu scoffed despite the warmth he felt. “Alright, good luck with that.”

He really wished that would be the case.

“First, we have to deal with Wu Yanzi.”

Shen Yuan's light dimmed a bit, eyes flicking down, like he was trying to look at the necklace still hidden away. Why wouldn't he tell Shen Jiu the truth about that jewelry? Was he intimidated into silence? Or was it something more sinister. Maybe A-Yuan didn't trust him anymore. Maybe he was going to leave after all, just like Wu Yanzi said.

“That's true.”

For a terrifying moment, he thought A-Yuan was agreeing with his thoughts, then remembered that he was simply responding to his earlier statement.

Words encircled his brain and none of them were pleasant. Haunted over and over by Wu Yanzi's inserting doubts. His gaze eventually settled back on A-Yuan, who was staring at him.

“Are you–”

“You wouldn't get sick of me, right?” Shen Jiu asked.

A-Yuan's eyes widened, then he scowled. “Why do you think– did Wu Yanzi say something to you?”

Smart when he wants to be.

Shen Jiu shrugged and looked away. If only he had the money for a fan or something to cover his face. “I'm curious, that's all.”

He heard an angry sigh. “Sometimes, you're just so– seriously, A-Jiu? Of course I won't. Don't listen to that man, every single word of his is poison. Spoken to fulfil his own twisted amusement.” A-Yuan grabbed his hand again. Flaky bits of moss got onto Shen Jiu's skin but all he could focus on was the warm flesh over his. “I’d never.”

“But I'm not a good person to you.”

“You're human. We've hurt each other. I do wish you would at least pretend to respect my own opinions, it hurts when you bulldoz– ah, I mean, ignore what I think, but I'm not spiteful over it. You just have things to work on, everyone does.”

Shen Jiu rolled his shoulders to try and fling off the tension hung over them. “What could you possibly need to work on?”

A-Yuan actually looked away. “I'm too weak. Every time I give someone the benefit of the doubt, or I try to be kind, something gets hurt.” At this admission, his other hand went to caress the necklace. “I can't help it, y'know? I know that I'm meek, naive and just stupid but–” His voice cracked.

Shen Jiu listened with wide eyes, a bold, simmering rage building in his chest as he recognised those self-assigned terms. “What has he been telling you, A-Yuan?!”

The outburst startled A-Yuan. “I… what he said is true.”

Shen Jiu ripped his hand away and grabbed A-Yuan by the shoulder. How dare Wu Yanzi manipulate him. I need to fix this, but how? I don't want A-Yuan to change, what if this leads to him going against me more? What if he stands up to me? What if he–

“A-Yuan, I don't want you to change.”

Shen Yuan raised a brow. “ You don't want me to, but what if I do?”

“You said it yourself, every word from him is poison.”

A-Yuan finally seemed to hesitate.

Good.

“You're not a pushover.”

“Of course you'd say that, A-Jiu.” The blunt suspicion, however true, still stung to hear. Still, if Shen Jiu was confident in one thing, it was how well he knew Shen Yuan. How he thought, how weak he was to being the perpetrator of pain. Shen Yuan, the boy he first met, was simply too eager to comfort others. It could be from past traumas. Or it could simply be his nature, but Shen Jiu refused to let the one constant in his life be taken from him. Beaten unrecognisable by the world.

It was good how efficient he was at weaving words and spinning stories.

“Shen Yuan. You want to listen to him over me? ”

“Well, no but–”

“I can't believe you just implied I'd take advantage of you.” Shen Jiu stood up, hand slipping from A-Yuan's shoulder. “You really think I'd use you?”

“No!” He shouted and leapt to his feet. “A-Jiu, I didn't mean that!”

People were like instruments. Made up of patterns, keys and repetition. Shen Jiu remembered this from when Qiu Jianluo taught him how to play a guqin. A calm tune here, and even that beast's eyes softened. So interwoven, humans made instruments to play, but the same applied to people. A-Yuan was the most beautiful instrument of them all, and oh-so easy to learn. Right now, even as he doubted whether or not Shen Jiu was trying to stunt his growth and assertiveness, his guilt was more potent. Was he that worried about upsetting Shen Jiu?

“So believe me, Shen Yuan. You are not a pushover. You are not too kind. Or too meek or any other bullshit Wu Yanzi told you. You're– we're fine just the way we are.”

A-Yuan's last bit of resistance evaporated. He was exhausted and Shen Jiu saw it. Too tired to argue or disagree. He seemed to sit down like a stringless puppet, staring dimly ahead. The hand on his necklace white-knuckled and trembling. “Is it really okay?” His voice was small. “It doesn't feel right. I don't know what to think. I thought everything was going fine but this world is so different.”

He spoke like he was somehow separate from this world.

Shen Jiu sat back down beside him. “Forget it. This was all because of Wu Yanzi, let's just pretend that nothing happened.” He offered an out, one that the tired A-Yuan accepted wordlessly. Whilst he was in such a pliant mood, Shen Jiu decided to express his plan.

“Besides, I have a plan to escape him.”

This got A-Yuan to shoot up. “What is it?”

“When we arrive at that conference he's taking us too, we'll turn him into the Peak Lords there. If we do that, we can come off as unwilling participants and if we do it right… we could even join a Peak.” He let a brief moment of silence settle, then continued. “He's a wanted criminal. If two kids can trick him into getting caught then we'll be boosted in the public's eye. Especially the eyes of the cultivation world.”

A-Yuan shuffled closer. He rested his head on Shen Jiu's shoulder, who tensed at the closeness. “I forget just how crafty you are. Like a fox, or… like a snake, and don't you dare take that the wrong way, snakes are awesome.” He hurried to explain and Shen Jiu mockingly took offense and held a hand to his chest.

“You dare compare me to a snake?” He sarcastically accused. A-Yuan picked up on his sarcasm instantly and grinned with relief. Their previous quarrel behind them.

“I'll have you know that snakes are very charmful, and–” A-Yuan leaned in with a grin. “– dangerously pretty. I saw one with scales as beautiful a jade as yours.”

A-Yuan spoke leisurely and with a playful tease, but Shen Jiu could only focus on how close their faces were. A-Yuan's smile pulled all the crinkles in his lips and left a smooth and soft plushness to them. Shen Jiu pulled a face and leaned back, ignoring the burning in his heart. Feelings he did not understand were often a dangerous liability. So he refused to acknowledge that at some point together, he had stopped seeing A-Yuan as a brother and like something else. The threat of change simply had too many risks.

“Don't make a habit of getting close to snakes.” Shen Jiu said flatly, wondering if he also included himself in that.

He was gobsmacked when a small splash of water hit him in his face. He stared, wide-eyed, at a mischievously grinning A-Yuan. His hand was wet, sleeve dark and damp from being dipped into the lake. Shen Jiu was speechless for a long moment before A-Yuan finally spoke. “That's what you get for being self-deprecating.”

“I didn't say that!” He nearly shouted.

“You totally did! I’m a ten-out-of-ten avid reader! I know an implication when I see it!” A-Yuan boasted, then let out a loud shriek as Shen Jiu picked up a rock and tossed it into the water right beside him. He was standing in front of Shen Jiu, so he took the full impact of the giant splash it created. Satisfaction burned in his gut as he saw the shivering, stunned Shen Yuan staring back at him.

“What was that for?!” He yelled and shook his head, water flying everywhere. “I only splashed you– you– you threw a fucking tsunami at me!” A-Yuan's rare curse slipped out and Shen Jiu started to laugh. His chest rumbled with laughter and A-Yuan froze at the sound of it. 

“Let's go.” He fled the lake before A-Yuan retaliated. He heard the other boy chase him, spluttering.

“Already?! But I wanted to go fish spotting! And get back here! That's not fair!”

“I can't help it, we're getting close to Cang Qiong Peak and Wu Yanzi is getting antsy.” Shen Jiu saw behind himself that A-Yuan had stripped his drenched outer robe. Before he registered the threat he was hit square in the face by the soaked fabric.

A-Yuan snorted.

Shen Jiu inhaled slowly then looked up with murder in his eyes. A-Yuan sensed the threat and broke out into a full sprint ahead of him.

 

 

---

 

 

The day of the Immortal Alliance Conference was a cloudy one. The rain seemed to hover just above in the clouds, not quite cold enough to fall, yet still lingering in bouts of mist and the occasional showers. The sun was only a small, white ball in the sky, as unremarkable as a dull coin. Shen Yuan watched his breath move in fog-like motions as A-Jiu went over the plan again with him.

He stared up at A-Jiu, whose eyes had fallen on the shimmering white dome encasing the event’s location. He heard the occasional shift of a demonic beast or monster from within, meaning that they’d already been released and prepared for the disciples to come and kill. After A-Jiu finished speaking, Shen Yuan finally responded. “Perhaps I was wrong to call you the brawns instead of the brains.” He conceded with a grin and placed a hand on his arm. “I wouldn’t have considered luring him to where the peak lords are.”

A-Jiu flashed him a sharp smirk. “Told you I’m not a brute. Now shut up, he’ll be here soon, he just went to get some disciples' robes for us to change into.”

“By ‘get’ you mean…?”

“Yes, A-Yuan, the demonic cultivator is stealing. What a surprise.” A-Jiu jeered and looked up just in time to see Wu Yanzi out of thin air. Sheesh, speak of the devil and he shall appear! Shen Yuan looked at the robes and felt his blood chill at the specks of blood on it. He forced himself to put them on anyway, knowing that if he brought it up now and made a scene, he could cause A-Jiu’s entire plan to go haywire. The robes were heavy and loose on him, his fingertips barely poking past the sleeves. With a heavy sigh he looked at A-Jiu, who despite being only slightly taller, seemed to fit them perfectly.

“Not fair.” He pouted and got a smug grin in response.

Wu Yanzi clapped his hands together and a burst of red energy seemed to resonate with the dome. A gentle humming could be heard, before the skin of the dome started to peel back and reveal a hole big enough for them to squeeze through. A-Jiu went first, then Shen Yuan followed. When Wu Yanzi stepped through, he turned to stare at the boys. “In two hours, we’ll have to come back out. If I leave it open for any longer, one of the guards will find the opening.”

They nodded their heads.

“So… how will we actually… steal the stuff?” Shen Yuan asked awkwardly and watched as Wu Yanzi smirked down at him.

“You will be the injured one, Shen Jiu will be the one convincing them. Together, you'll lure disciples towards me. Then I will kill them and we’ll take their stuff.” Wu Yanzi explained with hard eyes, watching to see what Shen Yuan’s reaction would be. Shen Yuan had to bite back his words. He knew he couldn’t argue, he needed to go along with it. Even if that meant pretending to agree to the plan. This wasn't the time to be morally correct, which was a shame, since he often felt like his morals were the only things keeping him sane in this world. He sighed and nodded slightly, averting his gaze.

“I'm so happy to see you finally understanding how this world works.” Wu Yanzi smiled again and even patted Shen Yuan on the head. He felt A-Jiu go deathly still next to him and turned to peek. The rage on his face was indescribable. His brow twitched like it wanted to attack his face. His bottom lip was indented from biting and thin, sucked into his mouth to hold back any rude words. His eyes were a lot darker.

They set out for the trip.

It started to rain, but the water didn’t reach the inside of the dome. The ceiling of white was too high up and blended too well into the clouds to be visible, but the sound of rain hitting it was loud. It seemed to come from all directions, echoing out and reminding Shen Yuan of all the times he’d slept under a tin roof and heard hail pelting it at nighttime. Even the thunder sounded as though it was right above him, the lightning not visible through the dome's glow. He focused on A-Jiu. He was starting to get restless as they heard the sounds of humans fighting monsters. They had arrived at all the disciples' location: the Immortal Alliance Conference.

There were teams scattered about. They had yet to find one.

Shen Yuan noticed how tense A-Jiu was and poked him in the side. He received a glare in response and he gave A-Jiu a bright grin. It seemed to do the trick and comfort the tightly wound boy, if only slightly.

And When Wu Yanzi left for a moment, Shen Yuan leaned in to whisper into A-Jiu's ear.

“When he's arrested, make sure to call him a noob.”

A-Jiu scoffed and rolled his eyes, yet his lips lifted slightly. See? Humor is an effective treatment for tension! Whoever says that comic-relief characters are pointless were dumb, and there’s probably an essay for it out there, somewhere. Shen Yuan kinda missed being able to google everything all the time.

When Wu Yanzi returned he was strangely relaxed.

“Ready?” Wu Yanzi spoke quietly and they nodded. Shen Yuan began to wonder how he should act injured. Should he fake a stomach ache? He was really good at that. Or maybe he should act like he'd tripped over and gotten a concussion.

What if no one believed him? Ah, shit! Shen Yuan's not that good at faking–

Wu Yanzi grabbed Shen Yuan by the throat. A blade was roughly stabbed into his hand. 

Huh?

What just happened?

It hurt.

Pain exploded in his nerves. He screamed into the palm covering his mouth. His eyes grew wide and bloodshot, the agony so overwhelming that nausea crawled up his throat. He choked it back with a loud retch and struggled in Wu Yanzi’s grip. A-Jiu snarled and reached for a knife. Wu Yanzi held up a hand to pacify him. “No need to get violent, Shen Jiu. I told you this was part of the plan.”

“You fucking bastard! You didn’t tell me this was part of the plan!”

“I did, I just didn’t specify what I meant by ‘injured’–” He looked down at Shen Yuan, who wept and squirmed, “don’t bite my hand A-Yuan, or you might lose a few teeth.” He tutted slowly, as if telling off a pet for disobeying. If Shen Yuan could focus on anything else but the metal stuck through his hand, he’d be rightfully pissed off at that tone.

Seriously, can't we get one break?! Fate is a fucking sadist! A sick, awful sadist! He's going to cave in Airplane Shooting Towards the Sky's head if he ever gets the chance! Stupid fucking world! Stupid fucking creator! Why did it have to hurt so much??!

Tears gathered in his eyes like boiling water, pooling at the fingers still clasped messily around his mouth. Saliva from the gagging pooled under his tongue and choked him. “Now, are you going to do it, A-Jiu? Or do I have to stab him somewhere else?”

“You– You! You fucking–!” A-Jiu was speechless, his eyes gleaming with moisture, rage burning so fiercely that his face glowed with it. “Let him go!”

“You still think you’re in control here?” As though to make a point, he grinded the knife back and forth in Shen Yuan’s palm. The metal scraped his bones, pierced veins and split nerves. The scream he let out couldn’t be properly muffled by the palm. It burned his throat raw. His eyes rolled into the back of his head and he blacked out for a moment.

When he came to, he was still being held and A-Jiu’s face was wet. He was.. . begging? “Please just fucking stop! Stop hurting him, stop it stop it stop it please!”

“I told you, he makes you soft. Never beg to your enemies.”

Shen Jiu looked too panicked and scared to be properly angry, but his voice still managed to sound terrifyingly rageful. “Let him go. Now.”

“Better, but still not enough–” Wu Yanzi pushed the blade deeper and Shen Yuan screamed again. He didn’t want to make any noises that could disturb his brother, but it was involuntary. Shen Jiu stepped forward instinctively, his eyes growing wider and more frustrated.

“Fine! Let him go so we can go get disciples here–”

“So you can sell me out?” Wu Yanzi interrupted him, then cackled loudly at the shock in A-Jiu’s face. “I’m not stupid. I know what you were planning to do.”

The silence was petrifying.

“After all I’ve done for you, Shen Jiu. I took so much time out of my days just to show you the truth. I was the mentor to you that I wanted when I was young, y’know?” Wu Yanzi talked and talked as he played with the hilt of the knife, every movement causing shocks of pain in Shen Yuan’s entire body. “I’d always dreamed that someone revealed the truth of this world to me before I grew up, and when I give that to you, what do you do?”

Shen Jiu was silent.

“WHAT DO YOU DO?!” Wu Yanzi suddenly shouted, his earlier amusement evaporating in an instant. Shen Jiu flinched, eyes widening as fear seemed to leak from them. The last time he’d looked like that, Qiu Jianluo had been about to touch Shen Yuan. Wu Yanzi inhaled sharply, closed his eyes, and let a lazy smile fill his face again. It didn’t look real, like he had to physically hold his face muscles in place; a puppet puppeteering itself into the visage of a human.

“But since I care about you two so much, I’ll make a deal, yeah? We’ve been together for a while now, and I’d hate to kill our little A-Yuan here.”

A-Jiu bristled but forced himself to stay silent. Wu Yanzi wasn’t amenable to reason anymore, his tricks wouldn’t work here.

Wu Yanzi sighed dramatically slow. “I can sense a disciple approaching. If you kill them, I’ll spare your brother’s life and we can go back to being one big, happy family again.” He explained with a wide smirk that seemed to rip his face in two. His pleasure and sadism was so evident that he didn’t seem human anymore.

True to his words, someone did walk through the bushes and stop to stare at them.

A boy adorned with white robes.

A boy with long hair tied into a neat bun.

A boy with kind eyes and a calm face.

Qi-ge.

Time seemed to stop. Shen Yuan stopped sobbing but tears still flowed quietly. A-Jiu still held his knife with shivering hands and demented desperation. He turned to stare at Qi-ge, the knife nearly slipping out of his hands. “You… you’re alive…” A-Jiu whispered so silently almost no one heard it. Shen Yuan held his breath, feeling Wu Yanzi’s body tense. The blade shifted in his hand and he whimpered, causing two pairs of eyes to snap in his direction.

Qi-ge looked like he was about to have a system crash. “You two are alive? But the fire… you’re alive after all?” A watery smile crept upon his lips, before reality crashed upon him and he saw the situation clearly. He immediately raised his sword and pointed it toward Wu Yanzi. “Let him go.”

Was this what happened in the original story? What would Shen Yuan's interference change?

“Trust me, young cultivator. I’d slit his throat before you could even come near me.” Wu Yanzi said as he yanked the blade out of his hand and oh god it fucking HURTS! Shen Yuan shrieked into the palm and shook his head violently, trying to rip the hand off his mouth. Nails dug into his cheeks and forcefully raised his head. A thin, rusted blade rested against his throat. Right above the foul necklace he’d kept on. “It’s all up to you, Shen Jiu. I’ve told you what you need to do.”

“Xiao Jiu?”

No, don’t! Shen Yuan tried to scream, but his muffled sounds were only taken as agnoised noises, causing A-Jiu to be thrown further into a panicked frenzy. His brother’s eyes darted between the two of them. His eyes were wide like a terrified rabbit about to be devoured. His whole body violently shook. His face went from white with fear to red with rage.

“You…” A-Jiu's eyes locked on Qi-ge, “why didn’t you come back? You promised us.”

Shen Yuan could sense what was going to happen and he struggled further.

Qi-ge stumbled over his words, seeming confused and guilty. “I… I’m so sorry, Xiao Jiu. I’m so sorry. I really am. Please, let this lowly one–”

“If you're sorry then tell me why! Explain yourself!”

“I…” Qi-ge trailed off. “I’m sorry.”

“Stop. Apologising.” A-Jiu sneered.

Wu Yanzi sighed loudly to get their attention. “I don’t mean to interrupt, but I’m an impatient man.” As if to prove his point, he dug the blade into Shen Yuan’s neck. A-Jiu stumbled forward toward Qi-ge, then stopped and stepped back. He was conflicted and fighting with himself. Months of torture by Qiu Jianluo’s hand and manipulation from Wu Yanzi’s. He finally had to fight against it all and decide what to do. But he couldn’t. He couldn’t move a muscle. Shen Yuan realised with dawning horror that he wasn’t even breathing. He seemed like he couldn’t see his surroundings. Like he was…  

Shen Yuan bit as hard as he could into the gross tasting fingers clamped over his mouth. Wu Yanzi grimaced and pulled his hand back just enough that Shen Yuan could scream. “Qi-ge! He’s qi deviating!”

Qi-ge snapped into focus, rushing over toward A-Jiu. Shen Yuan felt a rush of relief that his brother was going to get help.

A whisper sounded right into his earlobe. “See you in hell, A-Yuan.”

Then he felt the blade dig sharply into his neck and the dots of blood lining the blade turned to streams. He felt the stinging pain spread up his body, down his spine, into his head and explode into a headache. Everything felt numb. He had no idea what was happening anymore. His vision speckled black.

He heard A-Jiu screaming and shouting.

Qi-ge yelling and trying to calm him down.

The man above him cursed loudly. Black. Red. The presence of resentful energy flooded his body like poison. His lower abdomen exploded into red hot searing pain. Shen Yuan let out a gurgled shout and kicked the man who’d slit his throat. He fell onto the ground. Wet grass squished under his body. Blood spilled everywhere. It soaked the soil. It stained his face and limbs and clothes and his whole body.

I'm dying. Again. Will I be transmigrated once more? Reincarnated?. Or my soul might be too inconsequential to be recycled. Of all places I could have had my second chance in it had to be a harem novel full of needless pain and betrayal?? Surely my online comments weren't that bad! Maybe in the next life I'll actually figure out how to be useful.

Then there was a burst of blue light in front of him. 

[CONGRATULATIONS!! CONGRATULATIONS!! CONGRATULATIONS!! Good things must be said three times.]

Shen Yuan had forgotten what a technological voice sounded like, but the moment he heard the glitchy, badly pitched tone, he knew that it was a machine. He winced and shook his head, which felt heavy and numb.

[Will User002 accept the mission ‘A Villain’s Mourn or Scorn?’?]

[Yes] or [No]

Did he… transmigrate again?

No. He could still feel his body being shook, still hear screaming, and wished he had enough strength in his limbs to cover his ears. He was undoubtedly still dying, and it terrified him. Though, perhaps the lack of bloodflow to his brain was making him feel strangely calm, and helped him dissociate from that terror.

[You have not transmigrated again! The System detected an error in User002’s file and apologies for the mistake, you were misplaced into the wrong time and experienced a different plotline (╥﹏╥).]

Hello?? Why are you telling me now, I’m already dying. He couldn't help but be bitter about it. So much for saving Shen Jiu from his pre-written ending.

[The body you were put in has many glitches in it as a result of this misplacement. If User002 accepts the mission, the system will correct these glitches, resulting in multiple achievements, B-points and a temporary halo to ensure a smooth start.]

Temporary?! What is this BS? I thought I didn’t have a system but no, you’re just too faulty to work! Should I even bother getting my hopes up? What if it fails and I end up extra dead?!

How badly he wanted to be hopeful.

[You were lost in the wrong time, without the protagonist it could not connect to the User. It appears that the User's dying has brought you to the same space as the System, allowing it to access your file.]

So you fucked up? Shen Yuan idly laughed and faintly felt blood spill from his lips. Alright then, what does this ‘temporary’ halo do?

[As an apology for putting you in a faulty body, this halo ensures no illness or poison can affect you.(♡≧ 𓎺 ≦)=ъ ♡]

THAT'S IT???? I don't get any superpowers or a cooler appearance? Just a better immune system?! What kind of stupid system am I talking to? I want to talk to the Admin!

[Would you rather die? ( •̯́ ^ •̯̀)]

Point taken. Fine then, I’ll accept this stupid mission or whatever. As long as I can grow up, see the protagonist and make sure A-Jiu doesn’t mess up and piss him off or something. Shen Yuan said like it was no big deal, but he’d truly been heartbroken that he had been about to be separated from A-Jiu. That his death was about to pile onto the boy’s already screwed up life. He sighed in relief that he wouldn’t have to experience that.

As soon as he accepted the quest, he felt his body begin to fill with a calming coldness. Shen Yuan never knew that light could have a specific feeling, but it felt soothing and cold, flushing through his veins and filling them with pure light. If he had to describe it in one way, it would be like drinking crisp water after waking up at 3am, the soothing liquid pouring over a dry throat and easing any discomfort. Like that. But one thousand times better. He groaned and rolled onto his side, feeling hands on his body and trying to push them away. Deliriously, he wondered if he was back at home. Was he back in his old world? His eyes cracked open and he saw A-Jiu and Qi-ge staring down at him. Was A-Jiu… crying? He’d never heard the boy be so loud with his tears. It was always silent, completely opposite to his anger, which was loud and fierce. Shen Yuan raised a hand and cupped A-Jiu’s cheek, only to realise it was covered in blood.

“Sorry…” He gurgled, hoping the bloody handprint on his brother’s cheek didn’t piss him off. Instead, A-Jiu only wept louder and shook his head violently.

“You fucking idiot, you– you noob! you should be apologising, you said you wouldn’t leave!” The foreign word dropped out and Shen Yuan laughed, then winced when his throat burned.

Shen Yuan smiled, the dried blood on his lips cracking. “We're free now.”

A-Jiu froze, eyes wide. "Free?"

His eyes were too heavy to keep open but he forced his mouth to move, "mhm..."

Before he fainted again, he heard more voices. 

Notes:

Finally, we're moving into the disciple arc! I've been the most excited for this. Things will start looking up from here (kind of).

Also, you may have noticed some 'relationship' tags shifting around. LiuYuan was there before but it's one-sided, so I removed it. It does still affect the plot, but I feel this makes the most sense.

Chapter 7: At Least Bullies Are Better Than Evil, Sadistic, Cruel, ETC... Demonic Cultivators!

Notes:

SORRY for the late update, turns out stomach aches can cause depressive episodes OcO

Anyway ENJOY

Shen Yuan woke up on a cloud.

Well, it wasn't a literal cloud, but it sure as fuck felt like one. His body seemed to have amassed a whole closet worth of blankets and pillows that were delicately cradling his body. Seriously, he felt like a damsel waking up. There was even a glass of water beside the bed! Condensation stuck to his hand as he grabbed and downed the whole glass, coughing and groaning at the ache in his throat.

Then came a bombardment of notifications.

[Achievements unlocked during Host's absence!

• Achievement: ‘Divine's sneers and Mortal’s tears.’!
• Achievement: ‘Redo? Please and thank you!’!
• Achievement: ‘Reunion of Host and System.’!
• Achievement: 'Hell's coming with me? No, I'm coming out of hell!'
• Achievement: 'Death's got nothing on me!'
• Secret Achievement (required: unlocking five achievements in quick succession): 'Pentakill!'

Also a bonus of ‘200’ B points and the limited-time halo: ‘Immunity Halo’! ٩(ˊᗜˋ*)و ♡ This System will answer any questions that Host needs! (Please note that the point function is still glitchy and there is a 68% chance you'll lose any B points you spend!)]

Oh god, was he stuck with this thing now?!

Just as he was about to respond, he heard a new, very human voice.

“You are awake.”

“Hm?” Shen Yuan only just noticed someone else in the room. “Where's A-Jiu and Qi-ge? Are they okay?”

The boy that seemed to be around his age paused for a moment. “I usually hear people ask 'where am I?’ when they wake up.”

This… was so obviously Qian Cao Peak!

Seriously– the whole hospital aesthetic was evident, Airplane didn't even try using a template aside from the western hospitals in movies! The pale white walls, pillowcases and sheets. Like the building itself was cosplaying a corpse. The sharp scent of bitter herbs and medicine in the air. His head felt dizzy at the smell.

And don't even get him started on the view! Shen Yuan looked out the window, saw the sight of sideways trees as the edge of the mountain tilted downward and almost fainted. He hated heights. He despised hospitals and worst of all… He. Hated. Doctors! He shuddered at even thinking about the word.

“Well, are they?”

“Yes, Yue-shixiong and the other boy are fine.”

Yue-fucking-shixiong.

Qi-ge is fucking Yue Qingyuan.

His mouth opened, then closed.

Everything suddenly made a whole lot more sense.

“That's… good.” Shen Yuan said and looked out the window again.

“Are you feeling any pain?”

Great, here comes the million questions! “Yes, I am fine. I can move my fingers and toes. I can feel my face, my legs and my feet. I feel fine, I can see fine and hear fine. Thank you, anything else or can I leave?” Shen Yuan ranted then paused, staring at the baffled face in front of him and grew sheepish. “Sorry, I shouldn't be rude. I just… want to see my family.”

“I understand. You seem quite familiar with the questions in our medical procedures.”

Shen Yuan laughed bitterly. “Indeed, I am.”

The door swung open, hitting the wall and leaving a violent dent in the wall. A-Jiu rushed in, face flushed and sweaty. When he saw Shen Yuan conscious, he deflated and almost collapsed. Qi-ge followed behind him, trying to hold him up. A-Jiu slapped his hand with a foul scowl. So this is the infamous Shen Qingqiu and Yue Qingyuan relationship in the making. Everything made sense now. That feeling he got when Qi-ge said he'd leave and come back.

“A-Yuan.” Shen Jiu said and stalked over to him.

The boy watching him got up and bowed to Qi-ge. “Yue-Shixiong, I'll get Qian Cao Peak's Lord.”

“Of course, Mu-Shidi, thank you.”

Mu Qingfang?! Was he going to meet the whole cast today?!

A-Jiu sat on the bed, ignoring Qi-ge. “Yuan, how are you feeling? Does your throat hurt?”

Shen Yuan winced slightly, remembering all the pain and terror he'd experienced before dying. It took a moment before he recovered and shakily nodded. He stared at the window intensely, trying to see his reflection. It was blurry and distorted, but he could see a white line on his throat. He sighed and leaned against the tower of pillows lined behind him. “I'm doing fine, a little hungry. What happened? Is Wu… Is he…?”

“He's dead. I killed him during my qi deviation but I don't remember it.” Shen Jiu scoffed, “which I prefer, I don't want any more memories with him in it. It’s best that he dies forgotten.” He then reached over and took a hand. His skin was cold. “I thought you died, A-Yuan. The doctors here said you did, but a sudden rush of qi helped stop the bleeding.”

“How…?”

“No one is certain yet.” Qi-ge finally spoke up and stepped forward. “The going consensus is that your body was able to take qi from the environment at an abnormal rate. If not that, then something else we do not know of. You wouldn't happen to know, would you?”

Oh, sure, I'll just tell you that I died, came to this world and got a system after dying again!

[Host is not allowed to reveal the existence of this system.]

I've read my fair share of transmigration novels. I know, so shut up.

[( ;´ - `;)’’]

He opened his mouth to reply when A-Jiu loudly scoffed. “Really? You're accusing him of keeping  secrets?”

Qi-ge looked hurt at the accusation. “I didn't mean that, Xiao Jiu–”

“Do not call me that.” A-Jiu sneered and then let his face settle into a scarily blank expression. “Now, Shixiong, is what you said true? Or did you lie yet again?”

“I… It's true, the Peak Lord from Qing Jing Peak is willing to accept you two as long as you pass a test.” Qi-ge explained quietly as he stared at Shen Yuan with a lingering regret. His eyes spoke the thousand words he didn't say aloud, and Shen Yuan wished desperately to know what they were. “I know you’ll both pass it easily.”

“You know nothing about us.”

“Xiao J–”

“Get out!” He hissed and Qi-ge stared for a second, before closing his eyes and giving a tired nod. He left like a sulking puppy, making Shen Yuan feel a bit sorry for him. He didn't know what happened but A-Jiu was angry so he wouldn't ask now. A-Jiu then turned to look at Shen Yuan, gaze softening only slightly. He still looked upset, but he wasn't directing it at him. Shen Yuan commended him for that, it took a lot of effort from A-Jiu to restrain his anger. It was like taming a wildfire, practically impossible.

“I'm fine, really.” Shen Yuan reiterated. “Are you? You're the one that qi deviated.”

“You're the one that nearly died.”

“Point taken, but don't change the topic.”

A-Jiu rolled his eyes and got up, moving to lean against the windowsill and stare down. “I'm fine, but apparently my meridians are fucked up, it’ll stunt my cultivation. I might even get more qi deviations as a result. What a surprise, right?” He'd spat the last sentence, a dark look shadowing his face. Shen Yuan tried to stand up and stumble over beside him. When he got near A-Jiu, he let himself fall into his arms, hugging him tightly.

“You'll overcome it.”

“You don't know that.”

I do, actually.

Shen Yuan stifled a laugh. “You will. I know it, and one day everyone will know it. But until then you can't push yourself or you'll damage yourself even worse.”

“I don't need a lecture.”

“Take it anyway.” Shen Yuan jeered and felt a laugh bubble up his throat. “I'm glad…”

“Glad about what?” A-Jiu shifted above him as he looked down at Shen Yuan.

“That you're still alive.” Shen Yuan honestly said. “That we're still here.”

“I wouldn't die that easily. And certainly not from that bastard.”

That's true, a much scarier person will come into the story. The Protagonist: Luo Binghe. Shen Yuan was still alive, so he'd be able to change the plot, right? It would be difficult, the past had already been set and he already found himself wishing he could reset it all and fix everything. But that was impossible, and not worth the time it took stressing over it. Shen Jiu was here and alive and that was all that mattered to him. His friend, his family, his closest companion in a terrifying world. Shen Yuan didn't want him to reach the end of his story. Limbless and suffering, immobile and helpless. Those last two words really resonated with Shen Yuan, the incident at Qiu Household still stark in his mind.

This was his chance to change the story for the better, to make sure Luo Binghe never gets abused, hurt and shoved into the Endless Abyss. All he had to do was keep A-Jiu from becoming that bitter, cruel Shizun. When he poked his head up from the chest he was leaning against, he saw A-Jiu looking down at him with fond exasperation.

This was perfect!

He felt a grin fill his face. He'd basically completed the first arc! Now he was entering the next part, the disciple arc! He was about to learn cultivation! He fanboyed inside his head as the endless possibilities filled his mind.

“Can I leave yet?” He asked and Shen Jiu shrugged.

At that, the Qian Cao Peak Lord came into the room with Mu Qingfang? –he had no idea what to refer to him as! The novel never specified a given name! But referring to him as a title he had yet to get felt weird. Well, if he never says it aloud then who cares!?

The Peak Lord was tall. Extremely tall. He towered over them like a lone oak tree, arms filled with muscles likely from carrying many people. This was a man who was a professional doctor, after all. At that thought, Shen Yuan felt his skin prickle. In every single world it seemed that he'd always end up in a hospital. The world just loved putting him in them, like an unfortunate combo of peanut butter and jam.

“I've heard you're feeling better. It was a rather close call you had.” The Peak Lord said with a comforting smile. “I would like to check your meridians first, and then you may leave.” He strolled over calmly but he still felt A-Jiu tense beside him. Shen Yuan placed a soothing hand on A-Jiu's, then offered his wrist for the other man. His inspection was truly professional. He didn't feel any invasive energy or disturbance in his body.

Shen Yuan watched the Peak Lord contemplatively frown. “How curious. Tell me, were you sick in the past?”

“Yes…” Shen Yuan answered honestly.

This time he felt the presence of the other man in his body, prodding his meridians and stopping right at his golden core. “Your lungs are damaged but it… that isn't quite right, something is keeping them–”

[Warning!! The System senses its presence at risk of being compromised.]

Then do something!

[Would Host like to purchase a ‘Small Scenario Pu–]

Yes! I do! I'm very fucking uncomfortable with this man!

Immediately, one of the bed's legs broke. Since it was based on a hospital bed and very high up, Shen Yuan slid off, He fell on top of the Peak Lord with a loud yelp. He felt the man's chest rise and fall under his legs, before being abruptly yanked to his feet by A-Jiu. Shen Jiu looked scarily upset. A glare so deep in his face it may as well be abyssal. His fingers dug into Shen Yuan's arms and pulled him away from the broken bed and groaning Peak Lord.

When the older man recovered and stood up, he held a hand to his lower back and winced. “That's very unfortunate. I apologise, these beds should be up-to-date.”

“It's fine.” Shen Yuan croaked out.

“Where were we–?”

Shen Jiu interrupted “We should be going. The Qing Jing Peak Lord is awaiting us.”

“Ah… right.” The doctor seemed upset and gave a last, lingering stare in Shen Yuan’s direction, before turning and leaving. Mu Qingfang followed, bowing to them quickly out of courtesy.

“You can let go of me now, A-Jiu.”

He did not, in fact, let go of Shen Yuan's arm as he dragged the other away to the other peak.

---

 

 

Reading about being a disciple and being one isn't the same. He's gathered that now. When they’d taken the test, they passed with flying colours. Shen Yuan already knew that A-Jiu would pass it, he had to in order to become Shen Qingqiu, but he'd been antsy about his own results. He had to give the system credit though, because his body felt so much lighter after accepting that somewhat useful halo. His body was steadier, the illnesses that once held it down seperated from Shen Yuan like he was shedding old skin. He ended up passing and being accepted as a disciple in the Qing Jing Peak. The same peak that Luo Binghe would eventually end up in.

He also met the previous Peak Lord at the Qing Jing Peak. He wasn’t mentioned in the novel but he had the scholarly aura down to the T. His long black hair was half-tied up, the rest flowing freely while an expensive looking headpiece pinned the other half into a bun. The robes he adorned blended in with the bamboo around him, giving the appearance that he was a part of the peak itself. Shen Yuan immediately bowed in respect once the man walked into the disciples’ sleeping quarters. A smile touched his face like a dragonfly grazed a water, that is, faint and beautiful.

“Greeting Shizun.” Shen Jiu and Shen Yuan said, hands clasped together and heads facing the floor.

“It is a pleasure to meet you two.” The Peak Lord said elegantly, his voice silky like leaves on a bamboo stalk. “There is no need to bow, I’ve been in need of more disciples. Rise.” He waved a hand nonchalantly and they both gave each other a quick glance, then got up as they were instructed. At a loss for words and waiting for the Peak Lord to continue, Shen Yuan shuffled awkwardly on his feet while Shen Jiu remained stark-still.

“What are your names?”

“This disciple is Shen Jiu.”

“This disciple is Shen Yuan.”

“Hmm, I suppose you do look like brothers. I’ve heard a bit about you from the Cang Qiong’s head disciple. He seemed pleased to see you two stay here with us after the incident that occurred during the Immortal Conference Alliance.” The Peak Lord explained as he turned to face the window, staring out into the forest of bamboo and lush, emerald grass. Shen Jiu’s face twisted at the name and he rolled his eyes when the Peak Lord wasn’t looking, yet, to their surprise, he turned to stare back at Shen Jiu with an amused smile. “I see you dislike him, how interesting. It’s not my place to judge, however. You two are dismissed, introduce yourself to others today.”

When the Peak Lord left, Shen Yuan let loose the breath he’d been holding, before turning to stare at Shen Jiu. whose face was flushed from being called out. “A-Jiu, I can’t believe you just rolled your eyes at our Peak Lord!”

“I didn’t roll my eyes at him, I rolled them at Q- that-- that man!” Shen Jiu hurried to say, an angry burn to his skin.

“As if Qi-ge could see it right now? We’re lucky he didn’t take it the wrong way!” Imagine if that Peak Lord was Shen Qingqiu, who saw a disciple roll their eyes at one of his remarks, my goodness, that poor disciple would’ve been whipped!

“Don’t say that name.”

“What do I call him then?” Shen Yuan resisted a sigh, it seemed the word ‘Qi-ge’ was going to be the Voldemort of PIDW.

“I don’t want you talking about him, so don’t bother thinking of an alternative.” A-Jiu sneered and shook his head. “Forget about him, I need to assess this peak’s landscape.”

“You mean you want to go for a walk.”

A-Jiu rolled his eyes. “Of course you’d remove the most important part of that.”

“Which was?”

His arm was grabbed and they began to walk across cobbled paths, squishing the few weeds that emerged between the pebbles. “That is, to observe your surroundings for anything suspicious.”

“This is a cultivation peak, Jiu-ge, it’ll be safe here.”

He felt a hand tighten around his own. Shen Jiu was silent but it was obvious he disagreed, instead cutting off their conversation before it turned into an argument. Shen Yuan felt himself already becoming exhausted. He should’ve known, Why would his paranoid behaviour stop just because they’ve reached a safe point? It was like his mind was stuck in hardcore mode. But after all they’d been through, he could at least understand why now, instead of cursing the scum villain in the novel. He felt his past self was quite naive in that front and wished Airplane would’ve added his backstory to the plot.

A few gardens popped up around them, bordered with smooth, white stones. Herbs and flowers grew out of them. The sun seemed to bless this place with a heavenly illumination, the breeze both warm and cool.

Both of them spent a while wandering about. Shen Jiu casted sharp eyes to every inch of the peak, a glare of suspicion thick in his face. Shen Yuan was also curious about the new place, but often felt his attention being drawn in by A-Jiu. His hair was tied up into a bun, exposing the nape of his neck. The skin was a creamy white, and even with the starkly white robes adorning him, his skin still looked pale. Which made no sense! If a lighter object is placed on something else, the lighter object should make the other object appear darker. Shen Jiu’s skin was defying colour theory!

Still… it was nice, admittedly. Shen Yuan felt his body finally untense. Something that he wished Shen Jiu could do. He watched A-Jiu’s flawlessly beautiful face and wondered what ugly thoughts Wu Yanzi had left behind in it.

They were stopped by another disciple, who quickly introduced himself as Du Yi. From there, the rest of the day was spent with introductions and being shown around. Shen Yuan thought it’d be a breeze, but he quickly found something that would be an issue.

Shen Jiu’s personality.

He’d been with Shen Jiu for a while now, so they were close and trusted one another with their lives. But he’d forgotten just how much Shen Jiu… well, hated people. Perhaps he’d even forgotten what Shen Qingqiu was like in the original novel because he’d been too focused on staying alive. Now that they’re standing in front of a group of disciples, he remembered all this at once, and internally sighed at the shitshow that was about to start.

“Don’t think you’re better than us just because you got accepted at a different time.” One of them sneered and Shen Yuan also remembered something else.

Bullies were like weeds in this world! They’re everywhere, lacked the IQ of the protagonist and the side characters and had dumbass logic! If one person said they were too hot, these bullies would ask if that meant they hated summer, wanted the sun to explode and to kill everyone in the blast! Not to mention how these bullies personalities (or lack thereof) would mix with Shen Jiu’s and create a toxic companionship. They may as well be making mustard gas with household appliances! Damn you Airplane! How was Shen Yuan supposed to control his aggressive behavior?!

He walked in front of Shen Jiu and tried to deescalate the situation. “Of course not shixiongs, we’re excited to be a part of this sect. We have no need for competition or aggression, we’re only after knowledge.” He spoke as softly and calmly as he could, even putting his hands together and bowing his head slightly.

He glanced up and tried to read the complicated expressions of his fellow sect disciples. One of them stepped forward, his face excited as he spoke sweetly. “No need to be so polite, it’s a pleasure to have some new faces around here. Especially one like yours.”

“Thank you?” He did not understand what that meant, but he noticed Shen Jiu start to bristle like a porcupine getting ready to launch spikes everywhere. He took that as his cue to leave, he grabbed Shen Jiu by the wrist and quickly departed. He muttered under his breath as they walked. “A-Jiu, it’s alright. Just ignore them. We’re here to learn, not to show them who is stronger.”

“You-! You really didn’t realise what he was implying?!” Shen Jiu snapped and Shen Yuan shook his head with a shrug.

“I dunno, I don’t care either. C’mon, I heard there's a pond somewhere around here!” He’d read about it in the novel. It was described as a beauty mark in the mountain, a spot of pure, crystalline water that held many different types of fishes and other aquatic animals. And when they found it, he saw that it was just as beautiful as described in the book! Smooth and colourful stones framed the pond like a border, keeping the translucent liquid inside. Tiny bits of colour flashed every now and then, bright golds and deep oranges peeking from where fishes occasionally poked their heads out of the water to stare at the newcomers. Their eyes like boba beads and holding a strange intelligence to them. Shen Yuan sat on the rocks, the warmth they’d soaked from the sun transferring into his body.

“Come, sit with me gege.” He patted the spot next to him and Shen Jiu slowly sat beside him to stare at the water. “Beautiful, right? I love this world’s animals so much. Beasts and all.” He then flashed a bright smile at Shen Jiu, who was staring at him instead of the fish. Tilting his head, he gave Shen Jiu a confused look, who in turn just looked away to let the sun touch his face.

“A-Yuan…”

“What is it?” Shen Yuan tilted forward and placed his hand over Shen Jiu’s, who flinched and tensed as though he was about to withdraw his hand. Instead, he let it lay there.

“Aren’t you upset with me?”

“What for?”

Shen Jiu shrugged and continued to look away. “I almost let you die.”

Shen Yuan stilled. His eyes widened and he shot A-Jiu a baffled look. “You really think that? He put us both in a horrible situation. I’m glad you didn’t do what he said... are you?” He’d hesitantly added after a moment of pause.

“Yue-Shixiong lied to us, A-Yuan. He… I don’t want to talk about this anymore.”

“A-Jiu-”

“Drop it.” Shen Jiu snapped, then ripped his hand away, turning to stare at the water instead.

Shen Yuan made sure to sigh as dramatically loud as he could before withdrawing his hand, staring at their reflection in the water. He leaned forward and peered at the almost perfect image of himself staring back up at him. He saw two verdant eyes gleam up at him. He saw porcelain skin that shone in the sun. He saw loose strands of black hair dangle over his shoulders, the bun messy from all their walking.

He also saw a white line wrapping around his neck, not unlike that of a halo. Shen Yuan took a hand to the scarred flesh, feeling the line as though tracing the line in a painting. The line was slightly raised, leaving a bumpy sensation that reminded him of a bulging vein. Now that he could properly look at the wound, he realised just how close to death he’d been. In fact, his toes had literally dipped into death itself! It was only because the system that took him from his previous death was still there that he even survived. Shen Yuan knew the Proud Immortal Demon’s Way was dangerous, but to experience it himself… to have died even for a short amount of time was terrifying. He should be more careful. Despite how apathetic he’d been in the moment his throat was slit, it wasn’t like he wanted to die! He’d just accepted it at that point. He sighed and laid down on the rock, the sun-baked surface warming his hair.

Life was too short to start fighting with A-Jiu. He should probably say something.

“A-Jiu?”

He didn’t get a response, but he felt Shen Jiu twitch from beside him.

“Jiu-ge.”

No response.

“Gege?” He cheekily said and heard a scoff. After getting a response, he grinned. “Oh Shixiong~”

“What?” Shen Jiu finally turned to glare at him.

“Let’s have dinner.”

The sky was dimming. Time passed by quickly with A-Jiu.

A-Jiu humphed and crossed his arms as he stood up, still being dramatic as he held his chin high and pointed away from Shen Yuan. He didn’t care though, sometimes A-Jiu would just get this way and nothing he said would make him feel better. But he knew that a full stomach would at least make A-Jiu less grumpy. He was about to lead the way when a hand snatched his own and he looked up to see Shen Jiu still averting his gaze with flushed cheeks. “I know where it is.”

What a tsundere!

From A-Jiu’s incredulous look, he’d said that aloud by mistake.

“What does that mean?”

“It’s a secret word I made up.”

“Yeah, but what does it mean?”

“If I tell you, it won’t be a secret word anymore, will it?”

Shen Jiu grumbled under his breath as they walked. “Fine, don’t tell me! I didn’t wanna know anyway.”

Shen Yuan laughed all the way to the dining hall. But the moment they arrived, he froze up at how many people were there, talking while they sat and ate the bland looking food. Shen Jiu had to literally drag him to an empty corner to sit him down while he got their bowls of congee. It wasn’t his fault! He was a NEET in his past life and now he’s basically roommates with a bunch of strangers!

Not to mention, every fucking person he's meet in this world either wanted to kill or harm him! At least A-Jiu was the exception.

He pouted as he poked the food when Shen Jiu returned and sat beside him. The congee itself was average. Slightly watery, but full of vegetables and definitely healthy. The minced ginger was a nice touch. Shen Yuan wasn’t picky, he’d just spent the last few months on the streets like a rat. So he dug into his meal while A-Jiu acted more sophisticated. He nailed the act perfectly, he looked elegant and professional as he picked his meal apart. He took small bites with a practiced grace that made Shen Yuan wonder where the fuck he learned that. He knew that the future Shen Qingqiu was two-faced, and obviously that means more than just personality. If he hadn’t met A-Jiu before he would’ve believed it if he was told the other came from a noble family.

“Can I sit here?” One of the boys from earlier was already sitting beside Shen Yuan, who sighed as he felt Shen Jiu’s temperature start to sky-rocket. He put on his nicest smile and nodded to the boy, who was average looking in terms of appearance. Not that he was ugly, mind you, just that in this world, no one but the protagonist and his harem got the privilege to be attractive! Well, Shen Jiu could be an exception…

“Sure, what’s your name?” Shen Yuan prompted and took another bite of congee.

“Zhiyu, pleasure to meet you.” He grinned, all teeth. “I heard what happened during the Immortal Alliance Conference, is it true that your brother killed Wu Yanzi?”

Ask him yourself! He’s right there!

“I don’t remember much during then, and neither does he. It’d be best if you asked someone else, sorry.” Shen Yuan explained sheepishly and tried to distract himself with another mouthful of congee, only to find that he’d already finished the bowl.

“I’ve also heard…” Zhiyu leaned in with a wide grin. “That you two were his disciples and betrayed him, is that true?”

Shen Jiu stood up abruptly and threw his bowl in the boy’s face. Zhiyu toppled over with a yelp, causing every head in the dining hall to snap in their direction. Shen Yuan already felt embarrassment burning his face, so he stood up and tried to calm Shen Jiu down. But he only shoved Shen Yuan aside and jumped onto the boy’s waist, raising a hand to punch him. “You dare? You dare accuse him of that?!” Shen Jiu yelled, uncaring of the eyes on them. “Spread that rumour again and I will gut you! I will! I’ll fucking gut you!” He threw the punch but missed as Shen Yuan grabbed his arm and pulled him off Zhiyu, whose face had lost its colour.

Shen Yuan sighed and looked down at the pathetic boy. “He would, really. I wouldn’t be able to stop him either.” He’d usually be embarrassed from talking in front of so many people, but he could feel A-Jiu trying to murder this boy so he apologised and led him out of the dining hall. The fresh air felt like a gift from above. It filled their lungs, replaced the anger and left only a frigid emptiness. Which was easier to address at least. Shen Yuan took A-Jiu all the way to their new room, which was separate from everyone else. At first he hadn’t a clue why but after seeing the rumors spreading about them, he understood now.

“It’s not fair.” A-Jiu muttered, “things are supposed to be better here.”

“And they will be.” Shen Yuan went to comfort him immediately, “it’ll just take time, which I know you aren’t good with. At least try to ignore it. Be the better person, don’t engage with their idiocracy.”

“How can you be so calm? So… nice?”

“I dunno, years of practice?” Shen Yuan said. He assumed it was also the years of trying to comfort a family struggling with the fact that he was dying. They were always tense around him, always sorrowful and full of guilt. The best he had been able to do was convince them he was okay. That nothing bothered him. When in actuality, it did. He was just good at letting emotions rush off him like water over a stone. Shen Yuan himself didn’t comprehend that even stone absorbed small amounts of water. That it could become affected over time.

“Teach me then.” Shen Jiu jeered and leaned back onto his new bed.

“I think the world would end if you knew how to control your emotions.” Shen Yuan said with a teasing hilt as he jumped on the same bed. They’ve always slept together, no point stopping now. “Besides, I like you the way you are now, even if it’s annoying.” That got a huff of amusement out of Shen Jiu, which made Shen Yuan smile in turn.

“Let’s go to sleep.”

“Alright, gege.”

He listened as A-Jiu nodded off. Shen Yuan rolled onto his side to stare over A-Jiu's face and out the window. He'd only just considered it now, but he should've sooner. He was too used to being passive, but that wasn't safe here. Shen Yuan is not home. He is not in a society separated by screens. He couldn't keep being like this. He needed to grow a damn backbone because this was a world with demons, beasts and horrid people with basically fucking cheat codes and magic.

It was hard. Shen Yuan didn't want to just get rid of that piece of himself, even if it was problematic. He wished he could just let A-Jiu protect him like he so desperately wanted but that just wasn't healthy! The boy needed other people. He needed a support system! A friend group! If he kept fixating on Shen Yuan then he'd never get better.

But how could he fix this?

Any attempt at separation will be taken as an act of betrayal by A-Jiu. Spending time away from him will be taken as a punishment. If he made friends, he just knew that A-Jiu would think he's being replaced or some shit. It was tiring. Resolved but exhausted, Shen Yuan decided to figure it out later.

He turned to glance at the empty air behind him.

System? I have a question.

[Answering Host! What is your question?]

That halo you gave me… how long will it last? You said it was temporary, right?

[The temporary ‘immunity’ halo will last until a certain achievement is unlocked! Would the Host like to spend 1000 B points to learn the name of this achievement?]

What!? Seriously? You literally just said before that the point system is glitchy! And I don't even have that many B points! Why even offer it, you sadistic little machine?

[Host has no need to be mean. ('T_T)]

Fuck you, I'm going to sleep.

He looked at A-Jiu one last time, then sighed and closed his eyes.

 

Notes:

Yay, Shen Yuan's healthy! (For now).
We'll be getting to see just how paranoid Shen Jiu is, even on Qing Jing Peak.

Chapter 8: Friends? Not on my watch!

Summary:

mentions of gore: melting skin, acid, nothing too descriptive though, I think.

Shen Jiu was many things: a survivor, a perpetrator, a conniving strategist. As long as it pertained to his survival he’d do almost anything, and if it pertained to A-Yuan’s survival, he would do anything. This life naturally excluded many things, such as friends, family and any chance at most companionships. He couldn't let anyone too close, or he'd have physical embodiments of weakness that could be exploited if others so desired it.

He could count himself lucky –or unlucky– that he’d someone with him, who understood and relied on him. Although A-Yuan was indeed a weakness just as Wu Yanzi said, he was also the center of all his motivation and desire. He’d once thought Qi–

–Yue-Shixiong could’ve been someone to rely on, but he had yet to explain himself.

Nope, they’d been there for four whole weeks now and he'd had plenty of opportunities to tell Shen Jiu why the fuck he never returned. But each time he just apologized. He refused to explain himself yet he acted like his apologies would mend everything between them. It’s like he didn't even consider that Shen Jiu might want to know and that pissed him off more than anything else. He didn't want the hundredth ‘sorry’ or ‘please forgive me Xiao fucking Jiu’.

Always hiding behind guilt. Using remorse as a pitiful excuse for penitence, while also desperate for redemption.

He was a starving beast begging for scraps; a desperate, pathetic, lying, deceptive, dishonest liar. Shen Jiu wondered if his regret was even real, or if he’d become something entirely different at his time here. From family to foe, someone he could trust to a liar. A liar! Shen Jiu sneered and the guqin string under his finger became taut.

The once beautiful music cut off.

He wasn’t safe here and neither was A-Yuan. They would never be safe until he was in control.

But he could make it safe. He’s learned enough, he knows what it takes to stay alive. To manipulate; an unfortunate skill he had been forced into learning over and over again. He didn't start out like this, but each time he dared think he could trust in fate and it took control, A-Yuan and him suffered. Fate was run by gods, and they hated him.

Once again, he was at the bottom, but he’ll work his way up to the top. This time, he had knowledge from Wu Yanzi, and a fear he could only truly comprehend once A-Yuan's throat had been slit right before his helpless eyes. Shen Yuan… he'd always been worried that the other would leave him, but he never really considered that A-Yuan could be taken from him like that. That if he isn't in control, someone can and will rip A-Yuan from his hands. He couldn't let that happen.

By any means necessary he will be at the top, which in this case means the Peak Lord.

He put the guqin back down and stood up. Shen Jiu felt a sudden urge to snap all the strings off until it was completely destroyed but he ignored that urge, he wasn’t a mindless beast after all.

At that thought, his eyes snapped up to someone he had unfortunately become acquainted with. Bai Zhan Peak liked to send disciples over to train with all the other peaks and it seemed Qing Jing Peak was this months’ target.

Their disciples were unruly and brutish. Exactly the kind of people Shen Jiu had come to despise with all the energy in his heart. Beasts who used strength to get their way, to force themselves onto anyone and excuse it because they were the stronger one. Shen Jiu closed his eyes and tried to breathe the way Shen Yuan taught him too when his thoughts became darker. He wasn’t afraid of his violent urges, but he knew that being able to control them was necessary. He couldn’t act out, unlike with Wu Yanzi and his past… victims, he wasn’t leaving the scene of the crime. He was a disciple here and he needed to keep it that way.

He watched a brutish boy fighting with another Qing Jing disciple. His hair was like a whip, white and blue robes making his nose wrinkle. Shen Jiu wasn’t proficient with a sword but he didn’t want to fight that boy either. If anyone knew he was bad with a sword, then that’d be an exposed weakness. He did not need others to train with, he could do that all on his own.

He stormed off, glaring at another Bai Zhan disciple who was approaching him. He may be scrawny, but his glare was more than enough to make the other hesitate and go seek out another partner.

He went to the pond that Shen Yuan liked so much but he wasn’t there. He must still be struggling to learn calligraphy. A-Yuan was right-handed, and the hand that Wu Yanzi had stabbed was his right hand. Shen Jiu had no idea if that was on purpose, but he still felt his blood boil at it. It was true that he forgot most of what happened after A-Yuan…collapsed, his mind supplied– but he remembered pieces. Wu Yanzi’s red eyes wide with desperation. His knife scraping along Shen Jiu’s calf. His lips twisted into a delirious, snarling grin. He had seemed both proud and furious at Shen Jiu.

Even when Shen Jiu had stabbed him in the chest, he'd died with rageful eyes and a smug smile.

Maybe in his own twisted way, he really had wanted the best for Shen Jiu. But Shen Jiu didn’t give a shit about intentions. Because he’d also been a manipulative bastard who went out of his way to make them both suffer. Tough love, Wu Yanzi might have called it. But there was no love between them. Just a horrid man trying to make two boys’ lives hell and expecting to be thanked for it.

The pond was quiet, all the fish hid.

Shen Jiu pulled out his sword, a basic silver blade, and began to train with a manual he’d been given. His steps were clumsy and he felt his body be thrown off-balance from each swing. Which started to get on his nerves. Each swing seemed to want to drag him down to the ground. His grip tightened around the hilt and he once more raised the blade, ready to swing when a voice interrupted him.

“You are doing it wrong.”

He froze, eyes darting behind him to see that brutish boy from earlier. His whip-like ponytail settled over his shoulder and reached his elbows.

“What?” Shen Jiu snapped.

“You're used to a knife. You put too much force into your swings, the weight is making you–”

“Fuck off.” Shen Jiu said coldly and turned away. He stabbed his sword into the earth, not bothering to see the boy’s reaction. “I didn’t ask for your help, did I?” This boy has an ulterior motive— why else would he approach Shen Jiu? Anyone who approached Shen Jiu had motives in the end, and he didn’t dare think this place would be different.

“You needed my help, though.”

How presumptuous!

Shen Jiu finally turned to shoot a venomous glare at him. The boy’s face was neutral like he hadn’t even been put off by Shen Jiu’s words. My bad, he sneered internally, I’ll have to make it more obvious then.

“I suppose you haven’t met anyone that wasn't too scared to reject you, I’m delighted that I can be the first in that regard. I’ll learn my own way, and not by some brute who can’t take no for an answer.”

Finally his words seemed to upset the other boy. His face turned red, almost dissolving the beauty spot under his eye. His brows bunched and the corner of his mouth twitched into a deep frown. “I'm just trying to help.” He choked out, like the words were hard for him to manage. His pathetic act to appear as simply unsociable but kind was easily seen through by Shen Jiu.

“I’m sure you did, and you were just as helpful to me as a bug is at stopping a tornado. Now, must I reiterate my earlier statement? Fuck. Off.” Shen Jiu let his lips curl into a snide grin.

The other boy’s face darkened and he looked like he wanted to fight. Shen Jiu tensed at that, hand flying to his sword. They were alone, if this brute came at him, could he win? Probably not, he’d yet to be professionally trained with a sword and this boy was at a peak dedicated to fighting. He had a knife in his pocket, so he could use that if he needed. He left it rusted too, just for extra damage.

Eventually, after a moment, the boy backed down and shot him a glare, before storming off.

Even as he left, Shen Jiu’s body refused to relax. He picked the sword back up and started swinging again. He did use the boy’s advice and to his displeasure, it was effective. At least one good thing came out of that encounter.

The next hour he trained until he heard footsteps up ahead. Shen Jiu had no way to know who it was, but his body instinctively untensed and he knew that it was A-Yuan approaching. He looked up to see the other boy emerge from the worn dirt path. When their eyes met it was like the sun rose on A-Yuan's face as it brightened with a smile.

“Jiu-ge!” He waved and ran over. “You're training?”

He nodded and swung his sword one final time, then sheathed it. “One of us has to.” He teased.

“I was writing, which might I add is very dignified of me. You’d ought to be more appreciative of my soon-to-be evolution into a graceful scholar!” He said with a grin then pulled out a crumpled piece of paper, shoving it into Shen Jiu's face. The writing was mediocre at best, and downright ineligible at worst. But when his eyes saw the hand holding it and the bumpy scarred tissue on it he held back any real bite to his words.

“For a toddler maybe.”

“You–” A-Yuan pouted and shoved the paper back into his pocket. “That's what I get for thinking I could wring a compliment out of you.”

“Fine. It was better than yesterday's.”

“Don't sound so defeated when you compliment me! It's not that bad, is it?” At the sound of doubt in his voice, Shen Jiu shook his head and sighed.

“For having to use your left hand, I think it's good.”

A-Yuan finally smiled. “See? You do have a soft heart in you. It just takes coaxing to lure it out, like a cat.”

“What's your obsession with comparing me to animals? I've lost count of what you've called me.”

A-Yuan shrugged and grinned. “I love animals, you know that. You should be grateful I'm comparing you to what I love. If I had a love-language, it’d be that.”

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes but smiled.

He heard more shuffling from behind them and that damned brute came back out. He had the audacity to look apologetic, but froze when he saw both Shen Jiu and A-Yuan.

Shen Jiu grabbed A-Yuan and shoved him away. Fuck no. He is not letting those two interact. He had to physically drag A-Yuan back to their room.

 

 

---

 

 

Another month passed by quickly and Shen Jiu was getting more proficient with the sword. Countless and exhausting nights spent training. He refused to let himself fall behind, and every time his body felt like it would collapse, he forced himself to remember everything they’d been through.

It’s surprising, really, how easily he could weaponise his own memories against himself. Like a form of self-harm, a sword he could dig into his brain every time it wanted a break. He pushed and pushed and whenever it felt like too much, he’d watch A-Yuan sleep and remember why he was here.

Shen Jiu was on the fast track to becoming the head disciple, but there were a few issues. One of them being a disciple named Luan Shi. A boy also held in high regard and also gifted. Unfortunately for Shen Jiu, his damaged meridians from demonic cultivation made it extremely difficult to keep up. He was always at a risk of qi deviating and if he pushed his body too much he'd lose all of his progress, his only chance at reaching the top and staying there.

Thankfully for him, however, his mind didn't need to rely on his body, and he always found a way to get one higher than his opponents, even if he had to resort to unvirtuous tactics. But it had to be done, he knew that better than anyone else. He refused to be under anyone's command again. He refused to be nothing less than the Peak Lord of Qing Jing Peak. It was indisputable. It was a certainty that he had to make certain himself.

So here he was, walking in the forest with Luan Shi by his side. They were both on a night hunt after a suspected demonic creature that had been hurting other disciples. He’d only needed to ask Shen Yuan a few questions about it for him to figure out what it was. An ‘Acidic Mantis’. It was a simple name, but it gave enough information for Shen Jiu to come up with a plan. Shen Yuan said it was small and hard to kill as the body was the size of an average manis. At some point in history, it had fallen into the demon realm and mutated into a predator from absorbing a lot of demonic energy.

He wasn’t adverse to murdering others, but he liked to hold that for extreme situations. Murdering as he moved was one thing, but being situated as he was now, he needed to take less hazardous methods that could keep his reputation intact. His reputation wouldn’t matter once he became a peak lord, but until then, he had to tread carefully.

“Are you alright, Shidi?” Luan Shi asked and he glanced over at the other boy. Short black hair, eyes an even darker brown. He was polite but also pushy. His reputation was that of a hard worker, but also of a bossy, self-important workaholic. Still, his reputation was better than Shen Jiu, who everyone avoided now.

Shen Jiu nodded and glanced away. The forest was quiet. He felt his heartbeat unusually loud. Was it nervousness? It had been a while since he’d hurt someone else, and even more so since he’d done it without someone else’s influence. After Wu Yanzi had killed that man in front of him he made Shen Jiu do most of the harm afterwards. He made sure that Shen Jiu saw each of their lives end, blade still piercing their hearts. He supposed that it was hard to care about the value of life because he witnessed that, forced or not.

“It’s strange…” Luan Shi muttered, “the reports said this creature was noisy, but it’s too quiet.”

Shen Jiu stared up ahead. “You’re right.”

A-Yuan had said this beast only made noise when it was producing acid. Its pincers would rub on its mouth to soften the glands there, then spat what spilled out. Even if A-Yuan was fragile, his mind was vast in knowledge. It was a shame his body couldn’t keep up with it.

Then, he heard it.

A soft, grinding sound, followed by a strange sizzling noise.

Both their heads snapped in the direction of the sound. Shen Jiu watched as Luan Shi unsheathed his sword and began to walk toward the bush in steady steps. The closer he got, the more exposed he was to getting hit. Not that the other disciple knew this or would Shen Jiu warn him about it.

The sound increased.

Luan Shi crept closer.

He was now in the range of being hit. There was the sound of dripping. The grinding noise stopped but the sizzling sound continued. He surmised that to be the acid leaking out of the mouth. The mantis was immune to its own weapon after all.

Then even the sizzling stopped.

The air seemed to freeze.

Then there was a sharp whistling sound and Luan Shi burst into shrill screams. He fell to the ground, hands clasped over his eyes and shrieking. Shen Jiu watched silently, noticing the bug shifting in the bush. He threw his sword and the blade, enhanced with his qi, easily sliced the body in half. He watched the insect split into two, clean pieces. Luan Shi still screamed, his voice quickly becoming hoarse. Shen Jiu listened quietly, his mind supplying him with memories he often only trudged up to force himself into subservience. Luan Shi’s pained voice sounded too similar to A-Yuan’s. 

Shen Jiu couldn’t help but recall when Wu Yanzi had slit Shen Yuan’s throat. The blood that spilled everywhere, the ground greedily drinking it up. Shen Yuan had looked so panicked. His eyes wide as he was staring directly at Shen Jiu. Even when he was about to die, he was still worried about Shen Jiu. He still watched Shen Jiu qi deviate with worry, like his own throat wasn't weeping a waterfall of red. He still reached a hand out. He still…

He blinked the memories away, and walked over to Luan Shi.

The sound of sizzling skin had toned down and the disciple had passed out. It was silent but screams still rang in the air and in his ears. He stared at the unconscious boy and peeled the hands off his eyes. The sound of melted skin stuck to his palms snapping. Shen Jiu was long since used to the sight of gore. The eye sockets sank deep into his skull, the bone a charred black and the flesh bubbled into bulbous shapes.

The smell was putrid, and reminded him of the Qiu Household.

He picked Luan Shi up and, hopping onto his sword, flew to the Qian Cao Peak. The disciples there took Luan Shi in immediately, shoving Shen Jiu to the side after getting his account of the story and trying to stop the boy from dying. Burnt flesh and hot iron lingered in the air and his mouth. It stuck to the back of his throat trying to choke him. Shen Jiu didn’t linger in the Qian Cao Peak for long, instead going back to report to his Peak Lord.

He was upset, but he didn’t blame Shen Jiu. Oh no, instead, he placed a hand upon his shoulder and looked down at him with sympathy. “Go rest, you've been running yourself dry.”

Perhaps he would have preferred to be scolded.

“What happened to Luan Shi was a tragedy, but do not blame yourself. You brought him back in time and because of that he's alive. Be proud of yourself instead, I see great potential in you, Shen Jiu.” He'd then let his hand slip off Shen Jiu's shoulder and he offered a gentle smile to the boy.

“Of course… thanking Shizun for his guidance.”

He sent Shen Jiu back to rest.

Shen Jiu did not go to rest though, instead, he went to the pond A-Yuan was always so fond of. Shen Jiu spent a long while staring at his own reflection. When he kneeled, his hands caused a cloud of red in the water. Yanking his hands out, he watched as the blood continued to infect the pond. Clear water turned murky. Crystal dulled. The fish A-Yuan loved so much came up to investigate before fleeing just as quickly.

Shen Jiu stared into his own reflection again, tinted red and distorted. He couldn’t make out his face anymore. Nor his eyes, his mouth or his expression. Was he upset? Was he proud of what he did today? Taking one step closer to being at the top? Shen Jiu found that trying to figure that out would do more harm than good. He did what he had to, and now he needed to continue. This path wasn’t started by him, but he was on it now and he couldn’t turn around. There was no turning back. Like a bridge over a vast abyss, and every step he took forward caused a plank behind him to collapse.

His past had ruined any chance of a normal life. He just couldn't function like a normal person anymore. Qiu Jianluo and Wu Yanzi had made quite sure of that. He tried not to let that get to him. Even though A-Yuan told him he was free, he was not. He couldn't be as long as their words remained trapped in his skull. He wasn't broken but he was worse: he was tainted. A wound can be mended, a broken bone can be healed, but how can one remove stains in the heart? When the soul itself has been raised to be stained with resentment and cruelty?

He never stood a chance.

Regardless, he had to push forward.

Shen Jiu went back. A-Yuan was fast asleep but the candle still burning by his side. He must've tried to stay awake for Shen Jiu. That managed to warm his heart a little. Shen Jiu sauntered forward and stripped into his under robes. Rather pathetically, he crawled onto the bed and dragged A-Yuan into his chest. Although his hands were clean, he felt like he was tainting the body he was hugging. He squeezed his eyes shut and held back the emotions he felt.

His hands were still cold from the water, so when he went to touch A-Yuan’s cheek, the boy shivered.

“...mmm, gege?” An eye blinked open and Shen Jiu watched wide-eyed as Shen Yuan dragged him back into a hug. “Go to sleep, m’tired.”

“Goodnight, A-Yuan.”

“M’kay, love you.”

He froze, but A-Yuan was already asleep. Shen Jiu stared down at the sleeping body against his chest. So similar to his own, yet the mind so startling different.

Love you?

Was that the first time he’d said it aloud?

Shen Jiu couldn’t help but smile, tired but genuine as he pulled the boy closer.

I love you too, A-Yuan.

He couldn’t say it aloud, for the fear that he wouldn’t be able to mean it. So he’d use actions instead.

And he did.

When they awoke, he wrestled A-Yuan still and brushed his hair, even when he complained that he didn't need to be taken care of anymore. Shen Yuan fidgeted and squirmed on the spot, uncomfortable but still flushing from the attention. Shen Jiu refused to stop this. It made everything feel so normal. So he'd keep brushing A-Yuan’s hair until his hands fell from his wrists. His hair was like flowing water, warm in the mornings from resting upon a pillow. But in the evenings, it was like trying to brush branches.

Shen Jiu heard A-Yuan humming as his own hair was brushed. He closed his eyes and listened to the unfamiliar tune. Regretfully it stopped when A-Yuan finished brushing his hair. He smiled down at Shen Jiu and they prepared to go have breakfast. Clothes were carefully put on, robes more expensive than they'd ever worn before. It hung awkwardly over their bodies, which were unused to such softness. It made A-Yuan's face shine even brighter, though.

Such a beautiful start to the day was ruined later.

Because during breakfast, one of those perverted, horrible disciples started to talk to A-Yuan, who was so irritatingly oblivious to the meaning behind those words. The boy knew this, his grin smug as he waved his hands around animatedly and talked to A-Yuan about useless, unimportant trash. He could see that A-Yuan was bored, but he was so painfully nice about it. A-Yuan forced himself to listen, eyes full of dullness but still forcing himself to engage in the conversation. He made himself smile and nod, it made Shen Jiu seethe.

Shen Jiu decided then and there to make that idiot pay for taking advantage of Shen Yuan's kindness.

After breakfast was over, A-Yuan went to continue his calligraphy lessons while Shen Jiu decided to start figuring out ways to get rid of that nuisance. He considered poison since the boy sat so close to him, but that could be linked back to Shen Jiu if he wasn’t careful. He didn’t have the means to access any efficient poison or toxins, let alone the money for it. He’d settle for something more direct. He knew a lot as a result of Wu Yanzi’s eager teachings. He hated the man but he had to admit that he’d been efficient in his methods of elimination.

He did not go to that isolated pond like usual, instead he approached that disciple and invited him to train with him. Perhaps this disciple didn't know anything about Shen Jiu or his reputation, because he readily agreed. Shen Jiu forced himself into a flimsy state of calmness, staring ahead as the boy yapped his head off like a dog desperate for validation. His lips quirked as his brain supplied that man's face at the idea.

He took the boy into the bamboo forest and he surprisingly wasn't even nervous. Shen Jiu shot him a suspicious look and his hand fiddled with the hilt of his sword. He wanted to thrust it between those eyes and watch them go dull. He stopped, they were now surrounded only by trees and bamboo, tall and nearly blocking the sky. He listened as the boy crept up behind him.

“Shen Yuan?”

Ah. That explained it.

This boy thought he was A-Yuan, that must be why he was so willing to come out here with him alone. It twisted his gut. If he had been A-Yuan, what would this boy do? He supposed the only true difference in their appearances was their faces, and he couldn't see Shen Jiu's face from where he was. How easy it would be to simply speak cruel words and make this boy run off crying.

But he wanted to do more. He wanted to make this boy leave his fucking peak.

So he turned around and watched confusion melt the joy from this boy's face, before he lunged and tackled him to the ground. The boy let out a pathetic yelp, unable to shove Shen Jiu off. He shoved him into the damp grass and smiled widely from above him. He watched the boy squirm, eyes filling with fear as he realised this wasn't Shen Yuan, and they were now in the furthest section of the peak.

“Y– You– Shen Yuan's brother!?”

Shen Jiu felt himself shrug. “Haven't confirmed that yet actually, but sure.”

“What do you want? Get off me!”

“I just wanted to know why you’re approaching him.” Shen Jiu leveled his glare at the boy, feeling his feigned nonchalance quickly wearing down.

“Really!? That’s it? You’re fucking crazy, I– I just want to be friends with him.”

Shen Jiu actually laughed at this, “I doubt that’s true, you kept eyeing him like a filthy beast.”

“What are you even talking about?” Some of the anger washed off the boy's face, replaced by genuine confusion. But it was an act. It must be an act. It’s always an act. Shen Jiu wouldn’t fall for it, he saw what he saw, and he knows for a fact that this boy had been trying to befriend A-Yuan for nefarious purposes. So he reached into his pocket and pulled out his knife.

“...I learned a lot when traveling.” Shen Jiu started, playing with his knife as he’d once seen Wu Yanzi do and savoring the fear returning to the disciple’s face. “For one, people always change their stories when pain gets involved.”

“You’re a lunatic! Get off me, I’m going to tell the Peak Lord about this the moment I get back!”

“Will you? I was taught something quite interesting by a man I once knew.” He leaned in, placing the knife directly on the lower back of the neck. “Just behind here, the spinal cord connects the head to the rest of the body. Qing Jing is the peak of knowledge, so I suppose you already know that. And I’m also sure you know what happens when it’s severed.”

“Wait… stop, please don’t. Look, I’m sorry, okay? I won’t talk to your brother again! So just let me go and I won’t tell anyone about this.” His face went completely white with fear, tears gathering in his eyes. “I didn’t want to do anything to Shen Yuan, he was friendly to me first, I just wanted someone to talk to.” He tried to reason, and Shen Jiu studied his expression.

He looked genuine, but Shen Jiu had long lost the privilege to trust appearances. He dug the blade into the back of his neck and felt him tense. No blood had been drawn yet. Their faces were so close their breaths intermingled, and Shen Jiu listened to his rapid heartbeat. Perhaps a test wouldn't be so bad anyway.

He made himself appear conflicted, like he was doubting himself. He felt the boy’s body untense just slightly, his expression going from scared to a flimsy hopefulness.

“I suppose, if you left the peak by tonight, I wouldn’t feel the need to do this.”

“Leave?”

Shen Jiu shrugged, which caused the blade to jerk upwards. The boy’s eyes widened and he started to squirm, stopping after blood started to drip down his body. His face fell upon realising that he was trapped, if he struggled or tried to move, he’d get himself cut. And from how Shen Jiu was holding the blade, he couldn’t kick him off either as the result would be the same. “Indeed, leave tonight and you can go home to your family.”

“...Okay.”

That answer was too quick, it was obvious he’d agree to be let go then go straight to the Peak Lord to rat Shen Jiu out. He had expected that, and tilted his head. “Ah, I forgot to mention something. Just to make sure you complete your end of the bargain. If you go to our Shizun about this, I’ll certainly end up severing a spinal cord anyway, it just won’t be yours.”

“What do you mean?” He seemed both startled at being seen through so easily and the threatening words.

“I heard you have a little brother– he turned eight a couple months ago, right?”

“You–!”

“That’s easy to avoid, just leave and go back to your family. Take care of them and be a farmer or whatever, I don't care. But never come back here, and they'll be fine.”

“This is going too far, I just talked to your brother. I didn’t plan on hurting him or anything.”

The last person who claimed he'd keep A-Yuan safe had ended up slitting his throat.

Shen Jiu felt himself smile, and he stared down at the boy whose name he didn’t even know.

“Perhaps I just need to convince you better. Don’t worry, we’ve got hours to spend here by ourselves.”

 

 

---

 

 

Shen Yuan was ecstatic!

It had been a few months since they first arrived and things were getting better.

Shen Jiu became the Head Disciple, which came to a shock for everyone, including A-Jiu himself. Shen Yuan obviously knew it would happen since he later became a Peak Lord, but he was still surprised when Shen Jiu told him, wearing a big, proud smile on his face. So far, everything was flowing with the OG novel’s plot. Except for the fact that, well, A-Jiu seemed to be a bit… god forbid, nicer?

That wouldn’t be an issue if it wasn’t for the fact that he was only treating Shen Yuan better. He was still venomous to anyone else who dared lay eyes upon him, but when it came to Shen Yuan, he was acting differently.

Favouritism is not a good look, Head Disciple! I am trying to figure out how to get you to socialise! Expand your horizons, ignore this boring A-Yuan of yours.

At least he stopped outright threatening people who looked in Shen Yuan’s direction. That’s a good start. He'd hate it if A-Jiu started threatening others like a wacko or something so at least he has that going for him.

Though there was one issue.

Shen Yuan had learned that anytime he’s supposed to go on a night hunt, he’d suddenly be given too many tasks and be too busy to go out. 

A whole month passed after Shen Jiu became the head disciple and he’s still stuck on this mountain!

Only when he asked around did he realise that Shen Jiu was keeping him here. Which, fine, he gets it. He almost died and whatever. But he's not weak! He can’t just stay at home like a housewife, doomed to forever be by herself! So he went to the Peak Lord himself, asked to be assigned to a night hunt, then slipped out before Shen Jiu could hunt him down.

So here he was waiting with someone else from Qing Jing Peak while he waited for the last disciple to arrive. Someone from Bai Zhan Peak, if he remembered correctly. He sat, reading a book about demonology that had nothing to actually do with demons from this world and instead just a copycat of a book from Earth. It was actually rather interesting! Which made sense if Airplane Shooting blah blah blah didn’t write it. His eyes glossed over words and he occasionally looked up, both for this late disciple and in case Jiu-ge came barreling down the mountain to drag him back. If that would happen it’d be best if he died of a heart attack first. Shen Yuan bet he could make his heart stop if he stared at Jiu-ge’s vengeful face for long enough.

Thankfully, it was the Bai Zhan disciple who came first. His hair was thin and glossy, tied in a ponytail that gave Shen Yuan a headache just looking at. He tucked his book away into his sleeve, thankful for the clothing here and the book’s small size. He held out a hand to wave and then nearly flinched at the spiteful glare shot in his direction. This newly arrived disciple was staring at him like he’d personally murdered his entire family or something! Was there something on his face? Was his hair and clothes not up to this world’s bullshit high standards?! Say something, rude but pretty stranger!

He got ignored as the boy stormed past, both Shen Yuan and the other Qing Jing disciple following with shared glances.

His nerves were jittery as he wandered behind them. That traitorous Qing Jing disciple ran off to talk to the mean-looking one, leaving Shen Yuan trailing behind them quietly and sulking. 

Now they were wandering in the forest in the middle of the night, the moon lightlessly hung above them. The grass was damp underneath their feet, leaving marks behind with every squishy footstep. Every now and then, Shen Yuan tried to talk with the Bai Zhan disciple in front of him. Each time was met with a rude silence, but he didn’t let that stop him! He’d grown up with Jiu-ge of all people, nothing could compare to his silent treatment.

“What’s your name?”

“Is this your attempt at implying I’m insignificant?”

Huh!?!? Where did he get THAT from?! I just asked for your name dude!

Shen Yuan’s mouth hung open, literally speechless at the assumption. What did I do to you?! Did you step in shit while coming down the mountain? Did someone piss in your cereal?!

“I’m just curious.”

The boy huffed angrily and didn’t respond.

“Are you always this–?” The boy raised his hand, cutting Shen Yuan off.

His hand then turned, a finger raised. For a moment, their laboured breathing was all that could be heard, then the boy twisted around with a sharp look in his eyes. “Duck!” He yelled, and before he could say anything else, there was a rumbling to the left. Shen Yuan did as he was told, diving to the right just as a giant, hulking mass flew above him. It crashed into a tree and caused loud cracks and the snapping of branches. By the time he recovered, dust and dirt filled his mouth. He coughed.

He heard the sounds of metal hitting something else solid. He got up from the bush he dove into and saw the Bai Zhan disciple fighting a giant lizard.

Its body was deformed. That’s the only way he could explain it. The front legs had twisted upward, mimicking the shape of a human’s bent arm. Where its legs had been snapped, the stench of decaying flesh and rot radiated from. Its head had long, white hair that hung in clumps, sticking to the damp body of scales and human-looking skin. Shen Yuan froze with shock. The eyes were that of a person, yet the snout was that of a beast. He was snapped from his stupor when the boy yelled as he plunged the sword deep into the head, only to be shoved off. He hit a tree and groaned, falling down before staggering back up in an amazingly quick time.

Shen Yuan clapped his cheeks with both of his dirty hands, forcing himself to focus. He was an expert in beasts! This was his time to shine! He studied the beast’s body with sharp eyes, picking apart its appearance, fighting habits and all the other miniscule details that could lead him to a bigger picture. It was hard to tell, but the scales seemed to be seperate from the skin.

“Just standing there, Shen-Shixiong?!” The Bai Zhan disciple scolded him. Wait, how did he know who Shen Yuan was?! He’d think about it later, right now he needed to help him! Not to mention that the other Qing Jing boy had already run off, hopefully to get help and not just to be a wimp.

“It’s… It’s a Skin Absorbing Lizard!” He yelled eventually, grabbing the other boy’s attention. Shen Yuan started running towards them, “don’t let it touch you! It’ll hold onto your body and try to absorb you into itself!” He then shuddered as he got closer, realising just why the stench of rotting flesh and blood was so strong… and why the patches of skin covering the body seemed to be unusually tight compared to the scales. Forcing himself to get over the repulsion trying to make him run away, he instead pulled out his sword. He couldn’t put any qi into it but it was still strong enough to penetrate skin.

“Stab the human parts of it! Quickly!” He yelled as he drove his blade into its arm which sunk deep into the limb and caused it to shriek. The sound was so ear-splitting that Shen Yuan let go of the blade, which proved to be a massive mistake when it stumbled backward and took his sword with it. He winced as he lowered the hands from his ears. 

Shen Yuan watched with wide eyes as the boy listened to him, getting close to the body and with fluttering robes, hair that whipped in the air, and a sword so bright it dazzled Shen Yuan’s eyes. The boy drove it into the chest, right where a patch of human skin sat. The glowing blade sank in easily, so easily in fact that the disciple hit the beast’s body. The boy used a foot to kick himself free, launching from the beast, flipping in the air and landing on his feet as the beast fell.

It was dead before it hit the ground.

The boy stormed over to him, flicking the blade and letting the blood be flung off. One speck of it hit Shen Yuan, who was rather annoyed but chose to ignore it.

“Shen Jiu, you– why did you help me?!” The boy snapped and Shen Yuan’s eyes widened.

No wonder he was so pissy, he met Shen Jiu.

“A- ah… that’s… my brother. I’m Shen Yuan…” He explained with red cheeks and looked away. “Did Jiu-ge cause you trouble? I’m sorry.”

The boy's anger vanished in an instant. His arm fell, the sword lowering before being slotted back into the hilt hanging at his side. His brows were bunched in confusion, staring down at Shen Yuan like he was a puzzle. Shen Yuan's face stretched into an awkward smile. He finally wiped away the blood that landed on his cheek. “You’re actually his family? I thought he was dead set on hiding you from the rest of us forever.”

Well, technically not? But it didn’t matter if they were blood related or what! He thinks of A-Jiu as a brother and A-Jiu obviously feels the same! Their brotherly bond was so evident that they didn't need a DNA test to prove it. They were spiritual siblings, brothers from beyond.

Or else it'd be weird that they still slept in the same bed. Right?

“I kinda snuck out…” Shen Yuan sheepishly admitted.

The boy's lips twitched as he held out a hand to help Shen Yuan up. His palm was warm and sweaty, but the gesture was still appreciated. “Shen Yuan, huh? I haven't heard much about you, besides…” His eyes fell to the loose scarf wrapped around his throat. He'd put it on after getting too many stares.

“Anyway, what now?” Shen Yuan walked over to the corpse of the beast and gently kicked it. “We should turn it in so the bits of people can be identified.”

“Identified how?”

Ah, right, DNA testing wasn't a thing here.

“I suppose you're right…uh, actually what is your name?”

“Liu-Shixiong.” He said plainly as Shen Yuan's eyes nearly popped out of his head. Liu? Fucking Liu?! AKA the future Liu Qingge of the Bai Zhan Peak?! He stared up at the boy with a newfound gleam in his eyes. He inspected Liu Qingge thoroughly, noting that he was different from fan depictions. Which was weird. He's supposed to be a buff manly man! Full of pure testosterone and masculine energy! Here he was a bit of a pretty boy. If not for the swordsmanship he just saw before, Shen Yuan might've believed he was a scholar from Qing Jing Peak.

“You're the head disciple of Bai Zhan Peak?”

“Yes.”

“Ah…”

They fell into an awkward silence.

Gas escaping the corpse beside them broke the awkward silence. Shen Yuan walked over and crouched beside it, peeling the lips back to expose sharp, decaying teeth. He could feel Liu Qingge’s gaze burning into his back so he explained as he studied. “The males of this species produce a chemical in the saliva that could damage the local wildlife if it starts leaking. Although it's dead, the glands in the throat can continue to produce saliva for up to a week.”

Shen Yuan hummed and then stood up. “This is a female. It'll be fine to leave here.”

“Mn.” Liu-Shixiong didn't say anything and they headed back.

After seeing Shen Jiu's murderous expression, he wondered if it was too late to run away and become a rogue cultivator. His face was stormy, eyes even darker than usual as he stormed past Liu Qingge and towered over Shen Yuan despite being nearly the same height. He could only awkwardly laugh, raising a hand to wave. “Hey, gege.”

“Do not ‘gege’ me!” Shen Jiu snapped, then in a much calmer, scarily-sweet tone, continued. “How was the night hunt? A-Yuan.”

“It– ah, it went well.” He said.

“I see.”

That was weirdly calm? Oh fuck. He fucked up really badly this time! Could he call Liu Qingge for help? He needed help! His life was in danger here, folks!

“A-Jiu? I'm sorry, okay? It was irresponsible of me to avoid telling you. But you're so–”

“So what?”

Overprotective. Slightly dramatic. Very harsh. Did he mention overprotective?

“You worry about me too much.” He settled on.

“As if I've no reason to?!” The calm demeanour was finally vaporised by the fury he was familiar with. “You could've gotten hurt! Not to mention that brute you were with!” His words got a scoff from behind him and Shen Yuan remembered with mortification that they were being watched.

“I'm not a fragile little child anymore, Jiu-ge! I won't get hurt, okay? I'm safe and sound, see?”

“This time maybe you are but what about next time? Nevermind that, there won't be a next time.” He declared and grabbed Shen Yuan's wrist. “Let's go, I'm not a fan of having an uninvited crowd.”

Liu Qingge finally spoke up. “Your brother is smart, he'll be fine.”

“Hah! As if a brainless brute such as yourself knows what smart even looks like!” A-Jiu spat and dragged Shen Yuan off. Despite his prayers, Liu Qingge did not follow and save Shen Yuan. He let himself be dragged all the way into his room.

“A-Jiu–”

“No. Just no. You're not allowed to go out on a night hunt again.” Shen Jiu said and glared at him as though daring him to argue.

And argue he did.

“But why? I came back perfectly fine! In fact, it was Liu-Shixiong who had more injuries than me!” He complained as he pulled his wrist out of the grip and paced around the room. “I want to do cultivator things, y’know, because I'm a disciple? It's not like I'm gonna 1v1– go on my own, I mean!” He needed to take a breather before he went on a full-on rant and sprouted random internet terminology. 

Shen Jiu had crossed his arms. “I said no.”

He groaned. “You are acting like a helicopter parent, it's absurd!”

“What is a helicopter?”

“Whatever! That's not the point!” Shen Yuan started to pace around again, taking a minute to just breathe and calm his boiling nerves. “I just don't want to be a burden anymore, I can't take more of your time, Jiu-ge. You're the head disciple now and you're exhausted. I can see it and I want to help.”

Shen Jiu's shoulders lost some of their tension. “I'll be fine, I've been through worse.”

“Have you considered that perhaps you aren't indestructible?” Shen Yuan quipped.

“Nope, have not.”

He sighed at A-Jiu's stubbornness. “You still go on night hunts, right? Take me with you then.”

Silence instead of an automatic rejection was a good sign, it meant that A-Jiu was actually considering his suggestion. Shen Yuan wielded his best puppy dog eyes and stared at him, he even went out of his way to pout his lower lip. If his younger sister could've seen him, she'd have congratulated him on perfecting the perfect weapon.

“I rarely get sent out.”

“I don't mind!”

“You'd have to listen to me at all times.”

“Easy-peasy lemon-squeezy!”

Shen Jiu frowned. “And you'd have to stay by my side at all times.”

“I practically do that anyway, don't I?”

He heard a long, defeated sigh and internally fist pumped. “Fine.”

Shen Yuan tackled him into a hug, burying his head into his chest and grinning so wide that it hurt his lips. “Thank you! Jiu-ge, you're the best!”

“I know.”

See? Shen Jiu could be nice when he wanted to be.

Notes:

yes, that disciple really did just want to be friends with Shen Yuan.

Chapter 9: Communication is a Gift And I'll Force it Onto You!

Shen Yuan felt like there was a slight problem arising between him and the peak. No one seemed to want to talk to him! Forget getting A-Jiu a friend, he couldn't even get one himself. He hadn't a clue what was causing it. He didn't think he came off as rude. In fact, by this world's standards of rude, conflict-starting bullies and downright murderers, he was probably the most mundane and chill of them all.

He wasn't particularly nice in his past life, though he did try to be kind when he could. When one has no hobbies and only purchases merchandise from one series, a lot of money is left over to be donated when a particularly heartbreaking advertisement or two or maybe three pops up. It wasn't like he had a girlfriend to shower with gifts either– point is, compared to the people Airplane Shooting Towards The Sky wrote, he was practically a saint! Though that wasn't exactly fair. It wasn’t like his personality and existence was written for a stallion book…

 …So why were they avoiding him?

Okay, he had a few ideas. Shen Jiu had a reputation of a spiteful, moody person. But that wasn't his fault. Shen Jiu was just struggling to adapt, that was all. It must be especially difficult for him to even process what safety felt like, let alone learning the concept of friendships.

He wanted to help but was at a loss as to what to do to actually help. Shen Yuan had first thought up the idea of convincing a few disciples to approach Shen Jiu with the intention of making them friends, but the disciples barely even looked at him without looking like he would literally slaughter them in his sleep. It was baffling! Did he have a pimple on his forehead that looked like a huadian?! Were his eyes bloodshot from staying up? Someone just tell him instead of saying ‘excuse me, I have to go’ or ‘I'm sorry, I'm busy, I'm sorry!’.

Now here he was, walking aimlessly throughout the peak wondering what to do.

He couldn't go making friends by himself or A-Jiu would get lonely. Though it was starting to seem like even if he wanted to do that, his mere presence had everyone trying to indiscreetly leave.

Who has he talked to aside from Shen Jiu?

Well, when he first woke up there was Mu Qingfang and the Qian Cao Peak Lord. Yue Qi floated by sometimes, though he rarely stayed before getting chased away by Shen Jiu. There was that disciple he almost befriended but then he left the peak! Like, seriously, was he that awkward? Sure, he's a recovering NEET but that felt a little too extreme.

There was Liu Qingge, but what were the chances he could get Shen Jiu to befriend him? Zero! It was absolutely zero! He suspected that A-Jiu would rather keel over and inflict a qi deviation upon himself than have a friendly, non-passive-aggressive conversation with Liu Qingge.

In conclusion: Yue Qi was still the bane of Shen Jiu's existence and Liu Qingge was just a punching bag to him. Through the process of elimination there was only one option left: Mu Qingfang. He seemed nice enough and would later be a martial brother to Shen Qingqiu, so he'd be a good shot at fostering a healthy companionship with Shen Jiu.

Besides, he could always sell the ‘having a doctor on your side’ part to Shen Jiu, who loved having a pro to every action.

Shen Yuan wandered around until Shen Jiu came back from a mission. Although he had hours to think up an excuse, every idea he came up with would probably just make A-Jiu suspicious. He knows that Shen Yuan doesn't like doctors and Qian Cao Peak as a result, so any attempt at asking to go there was going to make him suspicious. He could always fake an injury.

Hell no. That would make A-Jiu become a helicopter again.

He'd save that for the last resort, if his other plan fails… when he comes up with another plan.

To think he was actually trying to end up at hospital and not being able to. The thought made a wry smirk appear on his face. A twist of fate once more; irony in his current circumstance. But Shen Yuan knew he'd have to get used to Qian Cao Peak anyway because someday, he'll lose this halo of his and end up sick again. It felt rather cruel. Like a trial period of peace and security he couldn't renew. But he’d savor every second as best as he could.

Shen Yuan had the luxury of being able to look to a future with him in it, and that was more than enough for him. He wanted to use this life to its full extent. He'd been lazy in his past life, partly because of his illness and partly because he enjoyed listlessness. It wasn't like he wanted to relive every scene from the novel. He just… wanted to make the most of this halo from the System. He just wished A-Jiu wouldn't keep pushing his paranoia onto Shen Yuan and let him enjoy this healthy, functioning body while it worked!

His thoughts were interrupted by footsteps. Shen Yuan panicked internally. What? Why is he back early?! I still have no idea what to say! How do I get A-Jiu to go to Qian Cao Peak? If I just ask he'll ask why and then I'll have to tell him I'm trying to hook him up with a practical stranger. I'll lose the miniscule amount of dignity and respect A-Jiu has for me! Maybe I could… no, that's a bad idea. What about–?

“A-Yuan?”

He yelped and nearly jumped several feet into the air. He spun around and faced Jiu-ge, a nervous smile grazing his lips. He needed to distract Shen Jiu quickly, and he blurted out the first thing he knew would distract his. “Welcome back, Shen-Shixiong!” He said and watched as Shen Jiu frowned.

“Shen-Shixiong? Are you teasing me?” He said with an attitude and Shen Yuan grinned.

“Of course not, Head Disciple.”

“A-Yuan.”

“You're no fun, Jiu-ge.” Shen Yuan sighed and turned around fully, a hand going to pat Shen Jiu's robes down. He fussed over the other boy for a bit, then hummed in satisfaction and pulled back. Shen Jiu's face was red for some reason– ah! He must be embarrassed! How cute! Wait, cute? Well, cute in a cat kind of way, a kitten baring its tiny fangs kind of way, a completely normal comparison. Shen Yuan's face lit up with an idea. He stared down at A-Jiu's robes then fake gasped.

“Jiu-ge! Is that blood on your robes?!” He made sure to sound as panicked as possible.

“No?” A-Jiu's face twisted with bemusement. “I did not get injured– hey, what are you doing A-Yuan!?”

“I’m taking you to Qian Cao Peak!”

“I did not get injured!” Shen Jiu protested.

“You did!”

“I did not!” Shen Jiu yelled and gestured to his robes with his hands. “Point out where the blood is!”

“Well…” Shen Yuan was quickly realising that this idea was dumb. “Just in case, I’d hate for something to happen to you because you didn’t get checked. I noticed that your hair was slightly frizzy when you landed, did you hit your head? Maybe you have a concussion!” Shen Yuan said and A-Jiu’s face twisted again.

“I was flying, A-Yuan.”

“That's… true.”

“A-Yuan, I know you're up to something. Why are you trying to get me to go to that peak?” 

This pesky little brat! He figured it out too quickly!...

…alright, I wasn't really being subtle.

He didn’t want to resort to this but beggars couldn’t be choosers.

“Fine, I didn't want to bother you but I was feeling a little bit lightheaded earlier and--” Shen Yuan tried to act sheepish and a switch was flipped before he could even finish. Shen Jiu unsheathed his sword, grabbed Shen Yuan by the wrist. They were airborne when the last words trickled from his mouth. He sighed and shook his head as they started to fly over to the Qian Cao Peak. Shen Yuan felt a rush of disappointment with A-Jiu. He seriously only cared when it was Shen Yuan who might need medical attention? It honestly made him kind of sad. He knew A-Jiu's opinion of himself was twisted. He made himself out to be a monster undeserving of happiness. But a monster wouldn't put someone above themself. Shen Jiu acted like he only cared about himself then spun around to dote on Shen Yuan like he was a toddler. Those weren't the actions of a selfish person.

He just needed to get A-Jiu to understand that. And what would be better than getting him to make another friend? To see his own kind actions with fresh eyes?

When they landed, he let himself be dragged around by the wrist. Shen Yuan's face burned red as he ignored the stares. He'll never have the audacity to refer to Yue Qi as a dog after being dragged around like a literal dog on a leash. Forgive me, Qi-ge, I've been too harsh on you!

At least his plan was going well. After Shen Jiu had bullied their way into being checked immediately, it was Mu Qingfang who took them into another room to check Shen Yuan's condition. He ignored the prickling in his skin while being in a doctor’s room. Could his body stop acting like he was walking into a graveyard? Please? He was just having a health checkup! He let his qi be analyzed, a shiver going down his spine when two cold fingers touched his now aching wrist– thanks a lot, A-Jiu! He’s going to bruise!

“Lightheaded, you say?” Mu Qingfang prompted and he nodded.

“Yeah, it's mostly passed now but you can never be too sure! Haha…” He awkwardly laughed and ignored the stares he received. Instead, he tried to think of a way to get Mu Qingfang and the lingering shadow in the corner that was A-Jiu to talk. Shen Jiu was acting like a ghost haunting the room, arms crossed as he glared at them, eyeing the poor disciple like he wanted to hurt Shen Yuan. Was A-Jiu really that paranoid? But that would throw a wrench in his plans. He needed these two to get along.

“Has this happened before?”

“Um…. yes?” Shen Yuan shrugged and glanced at Shen Jiu again. Mu Qingfang caught this and turned to stare at A-Jiu briefly, eyes flashing with something intense.

“What else?”

“Well, I felt a bit nauseous too.” Shen Yuan didn’t pull his gaze away from A-Jiu, still scheming in his head. Because of this, he didn’t notice the suspicion enteirng Mu Qingfang’s face as the apprentice doctor turned to stare at A-Jiu.

“Could you wait outside please, Shen-Shixiong?” He spoke lowly and Shen Yuan felt his heart sink.

Huh?

Huh?!?!?! What?! No no no! That wasn't the plan! Now Shen Jiu is glaring even more suspiciously. Shen Yuan opened his mouth to speak but he was too dumbfounded to say anything.

“Why?”

“I need to ask him some personal questions.”

“I know everything about him.” Shen Jiu quipped back and Mu Qingfang frowned.

“Then you shouldn’t mind stepping out for a moment.”

Shen Jiu’s glare was murderous. His lips shut and he left tensely. Shen Yuan was gobsmacked at the chain of actions that just happened. He saw the door swing shut and sat in silence, feeling the last bit of his hope for A-Jiu's social life shrivel up into a pile of dust. What the actual fuck just happened?

Mu Qingfang turned back around and grabbed his wrist again. “You have an imprint of a handprint on your wrist, did someone hurt you?”

“H–Huh?! Oh no, it's fine. Jiu-ge was just worried and was a little rough in taking me here!” He rushed to explain. Mu Qingfang must have taken his worried glances at A-Jiu as anxiousness! He had to correct this misunderstanding before Mu Qingfang came to the wrong conclusion. Shen Jiu’s reputation was already bad, he couldn’t let this misunderstanding escalate! “Don't get the wrong idea, he's really nice. He wouldn't intentionally hurt me.”

Mu Qingfang stared at him for a long moment before he sighed. “Alright then, it's just protocol, please forgive me if I made you uncomfortable.” He seemed genuinely apologetic and Shen Yuan felt a rush of relief at the crisis he averted.

“It's fine, really. I appreciate it. You can let Jiu-ge in now.”

He hesitated. “The last time we talked I got the impression that you hated doctors and medical professionals. I'm still uncertain of the real reason you're here.”

Shen Yuan probably should've put more than an hour's worth of thought into this plan. Well, hindsight is twenty-twenty and a bitch. He sighed and slumped into the uncomfortable chair. “I just wanted to ask you if… well… you'd maybe… try to be nicer to Jiu-ge?”

“Nicer?” He asked with a raised brow.

Shen Yuan's face was burning off his skull at this rate. A-Jiu would kill him if he heard Shen Yuan divulging all these secrets! But he knew from the novel that Mu Qingfang was an upstanding, moral guy. He trusted the man despite never even seeing him. He was probably one of the most important Peak Lords in the novel, being the Peak Lord of the go-to hospital.

“You know Yue-Shixiong, right? And you've seen how Jiu-ge talks to him?”

Mu Qingfang winced. “Regretfully.”

Shen Yuan perked up. “Exactly! That's probably the most he interacts with anyone! You don't have to befriend him immediately– actually, Jiu-ge would probably find that suspicious. But I'd be in your debt if you at least treated him a bit nicer. Give him a chance, he's a very kind person when you get to know him.”

Shen Yuan felt like a salesperson pitching A-Jiu as a worthwhile investment.

Mu Qingfang looked slightly uncomfortable, but he was mostly just contemplative. “I've heard a few rumors that say the opposite, though I've never been one to listen to those. But I must ask, have you considered that maybe he just doesn't want friends? I've met many patients without people to visit them and they never cared. Solitude is a preference.”

“...I suppose.”

Mu Qingfang sighed from above him. “I'll try, but I won't promise anything. Shen-Shixiong is a direct man and if he doesn't want to be close with me, I won't push it.”

“Thank you, I'm sorry for bothering you. When I was trying to come up with names, yours was the only one I could think of.”

Surprise colored the other's face. “We've only met once though.”

“And?”

“Ahhh… nevermind.” He looked at Shen Yuan with pity.

Mu Qingfang allowed Shen Jiu to come back in. He immediately stalked over to Shen Yuan and gave him a once-over for anything strange. Shen Yuan's face had lost some redness which he thanked those above for. Mu Qingfang was flicking through some of his notes, like a doctor does, before finally looking up at Shen Jiu. “I'll give you some ointment for his wrist, the bruising should go away in a day or two.”

A-Jiu's eyes shot to Shen Yuan's wrist and a flash of guilt fitted in his eyes. Mu Qingfang made another thoughtful face at that and Shen Yuan shot him as subtle of a smug smile as he could as though to say: ‘see? He's nice.’

Shen Yuan felt that this time, he was like an owner trying to convince someone that his dog doesn't bite. He'd utter the famous phrase ‘he don't bite’ but his humor would fall on deaf ears here, no one would get his references. It was a crying shame, his time learning internet humor was pointless here.

Shen Jiu accepted the ointment from Mu Qingfang and nodded. “Thank you.”

Well, he'll have to see if anything came out of today. Maybe Shen Qingqiu’s relationship with Mu Qingfang will be better developed this time around. If not, he might genuinely have to try touching the toxic cesspool that was Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge’s relationship. He felt like he might get infected with multiple diseases if he did that though. He’d rather touch a rotting carcass.

As they left, he felt the hand return to his wrist in a gentle, soft manner. Shen Jiu was uncharastically withdrawn, which only happened when he felt guilty or upset. Shen Yuan kept stealing glances at him, then stared down at the hand sitting above his bruised wrist. Seriously, he was acting like he’d stabbed Shen Yuan or something. He’s gotten bigger bruises when his little sister had accidentally shoved him off his scooter! Still, he should probably interfere and soothe Shen Jiu’s mood before it festered into something harder to deal with.

“Thank you for taking me here.”

“It’s fine.”

Shen Yuan resisted a sigh, “he said my head was fine, I was just dehydrated and should drink more hydrating liquids.”

“So water.”

“Yes, water.”

He heard a small scoff from Shen Jiu. “Then just say so.”

Shen Yuan could feel his mood lighten slightly, and felt himself starting to grin. “I prefer the doctor lingo, who knows, maybe I’ll leave Qing Jing Peak and become a doctor myself right here!”

This time, Shen Jiu broke out into a disbelieving laugh. “You freeze up whenever I threaten to drag you here, you wouldn’t dare live among doctors.”

“Maybe not, but the tea here is good.”

“Better than my tea?”

“Well… no, but I can’t drag the head disciple around to make tea for me all the time.” Shen Yuan was starting to wonder why they were still walking and not flying on his sword yet. The walk was nice though, the thick-leafed trees rustled much louder here and funneled a strong breeze that made their robes flutter.

Shen Jiu turned to stare back at him, his eyes unbearably soft. “My tea should be more than enough for you to stay in Qing Jing Peak.”

“Only if you’re offering to make it more.”

“Yes.”

Shen Yuan had expected another joking response, but the sincerity in Shen Jiu’s voice made him stutter over his words. He stared, wide-eyed, then quickly averted his gaze to the dirt path under their feet. “W- Well then, obviously I’m not leaving, anyway. And why are we just walking?!”

“You wanted to talk, so I let you.”

“You could tell?” Shen Yuan looked back over to him.

Shen Jiu laughed again, a delicate, fragile sound. “You always get this look, like you’re about to explode if you don’t utter a word in the next five minutes.” As he said this, he finally pulled out his sword and offered a hand to Shen Yuan, helping him onto it. Shen Yuan instinctively wrapped his arms around Shen Jiu’s waist and tried to stay calm as they flew into the air. Without the trees around them, they were immediately hit with the wind. Shen Yuan felt it soothed his aching wrist, snaking through the fabrics and cooling the skin on his body. He rested his head against Shen Jiu’s back and spoke. “Hey Jiu-ge, thank you for caring about me.”

Shen Jiu tensed for a moment, his voice slightly stiff. “What’s bringing this on?”

Shen Yuan looked down at the forest underneath them. A beautiful ocean of green, waves of leaves moving in tandem. When he’d thought about his sister, he realized that he never really got to say his last goodbye to her. He didn’t want that to happen again. Life was too short to keep those kinds of words to himself. So he smiled into Shen Jiu’s back and shrugged. “Well, you care for me, that’s all I need to be able to thank you.”

“...speaking nonsense.” Shen Jiu muttered, but his voice was strained like he had a lump in his throat.

They landed and finally noticed that the sun had sunk into slumber. As they walked back to their room, Shen Yuan looked up at the sky. It was too cloudy to see the stars, which was a shame, Shen Yuan's come to admire the night sky. Usually filled with clusters of stars and wisps of aurora just visible to the naked eye. He certainly didn't miss the city sky during nighttime. To think a sky so vast and beautiful had existed on earth only to be hidden away by light pollution made him sad to think about.

The same sky his family must still be looking at now.

How are they? Shen Yuan often wonders. His little sister always adored astronomy. She'd rant his ears off with information from the latest documentary she'd watched, eyes sparkling like stars on their own as she did so. How could eyes as dark as hers be so bright? He'd never know. He didn’t often let himself think about the past, and when he did, he only did so for an hour or so before locking it back into his skull. He read somewhere once, about processing grief, but he found that he didn’t want to do that. He was happy here. Happy enough. Just enough that he didn’t bother seeking any change.

“Why are you staring so intensely? It's merely a few clouds.” A-Jiu stated and Shen Yuan snapped from his daze. He looked down from the sky and toward Shen Jiu, who had stopped walking to stare at him. Although his arms were crossed and his eyes narrow, there was a spark of worry in his glare. It seemed he was back to normal at least.

“I’m just tired, I was hoping to see some stars tonight.”

Shen Jiu also looked up. “You like the stars? Since when?”

“Since today.”

He saw another glare get thrown his way, before he was being pulled back to their room. “You have too many interests to keep track of. First plants, then animals, then books, and now the sky?”

“You jealous?”

“Of course not.”

As they went to bed, Shen Yuan had an inkling that Jiu-ge was lying like usual. But why would he be jealous over some hobbies?

 

 

---

 

 

The next day confused him.

Shen Yuan was startled when, after Shen Jiu had left to talk with Shizun, he ran into Yue Qi. Looking back on it, that was probably intentional, the timing had just been too perfect. Yue Qi seemed to want to talk to him alone, which made sense when he thought about all the other times he attempted to approach Jiu-ge. There were only so many times one could willingly put themselves in front of a yelling person until they burst into tears, which thankfully, Yue Qi had yet to do. Though his eyes have watered a few times.

By some unfortunate twist of fate, this ended with them having a tea together. He hadn’t been able to reject that hurt-puppy look! It was a lethal weapon and unlike Shen Jiu, he didn’t hate Yue Qi. He knew Yue Qingyuan’s future and the lengths he went to for Shen Qingqiu. Which gave him an unfair foresight into Yue Qi's current emotions. It was obvious he’d adored the crueler man enough to let him do anything. That made it hard for Shen Yuan to hate him even if he didn't understand why he never came back.

He sat across from Qi-ge with an awkward smile, steam from the tea rising between them like a cloud. He had no idea what to say, and judging from Qi-ge’s face, neither did he. So he cleared his throat, took a sip from his cup and forced his smile wider.

“So… how have you been?” Shen Yuan forced himself to speak first since Qi-ge obviously wasn’t going to.

Qi-ge perked up and smiled awkwardly in response. “Much better now that you two are here. But it’s also been lonely– not that I’m unhappy you two are safe, but you don’t really talk to me.”

Shen Yuan could not help but roll his eyes. “I wonder why. No offence, but you don't tell A-Jiu why you didn’t come back, I doubt he’ll probably ever talk to you again.”

“That’s… I can’t.”

Shen Yuan sighed. “If you can’t, then A-Jiu can’t forgive you either. I doubt you want that, and honestly… I don’t want that either.”

Yue Qi shook his head with a sad sigh. “I’m sorry. But I just cannot--”

“Why not?!” Shen Yuan snapped. He remembered the novel. He remembered Shen Qingqiu spending the entire time despising Yue Qingyuan. He remembered Yue Qingyuan trying so desperately to win his approval back by being a pushover, letting Shen Qingqiu get away with abuse and even dying at the bitter end. And how could he possibly not remember how Yue Qingyuan had died? Marching right into an obvious trap to try and save Shen Qingqiu, not caring that he was walking into immediate death. That was what pissed him off so much! Knowing that if this idiot just said something– anything! Then maybe, they could be a family again. That maybe that fate could be avoided. That maybe they wouldn’t have to suffer more.

He’s already lost one family, he doesn’t want to lose this one either. Not again. Never again.

Qi-ge shook his head wordlessly, drowning in his own guilt but refusing to open the dam that would let it pour out. Whatever it was, he’d rather drown himself than let them know. Shen Yuan didn’t know how to feel about it. He shook his head too, glaring at his teacup with a bitter expression.

“Did you want to come back?”

“Yes! I did!” Qi-ge nearly yelled those words, before reigning himself in.

“Did you want to abandon us?”

“No!”

“What do you think would be reasonable for A-Jiu to assume? For me to? Knowing that you promised to come back, then running into you later and not getting a single explanation? What are we supposed to think, Qi-ge?!” Shen Yuan snapped and glared up only to pause when he saw tears in Qi-ge’s eyes. They didn’t spill over, but instead only caught on his lashes, building up into droplets before being wiped away.

“That’s the first time I’ve heard that name since… the Immortal Conference Alliance.” Qi-ge mumbled and took a shaky sip from his cup. His fingers were as white as his face, gripping the porcelain as though he wanted to shatter it. Shen Yuan felt all the rage drain out of him in an instant. Rather, it was replaced with a deep hollowness and sorrow. He grew up with this man after all. He read all about his fate, his desperation and willingness to throw his life in the trash for Shen Qingqiu. But he refused to do the one thing that mattered.

He downed the cup and stood up slowly, staring down at Qi-ge with a sad, soft smile. “You mean so much to me, Qi-ge, and you meant so much to A-Jiu too. But if you don’t tell him what happened all that time you never came back, you’ll never mean anything to him again. He thinks you abandoned us, and with your silence, what else could he think? I… don’t know what to think. I know you care about him so much that you’d die for him.”

That you did die for him.

“...so clear up this misunderstanding before you die trying to prove yourself innocent where words would’ve sufficed.”

“A-Yuan…”

“Have a pleasant day, Yue-Shixiong.” Shen Yuan bowed and walked out of the room. His heart felt heavy after seeing the heartbroken expression on Qi-ge’s face, he wanted to run back and comfort him. But he needed to get his point across. That being stubborn with his secrets would lead to more misunderstandings and misery. He wasn’t like A-Jiu. He had unique knowledge that could only be obtained by reading about this world through the lens of a reader. Because of that, he knew just how much Qi-ge cared, even if his refusals to speak seemed to explain otherwise.

He knew what Qi-ge would do to keep A-Jiu safe, even if it cost him a career he didn’t even have yet as a teenager. Shen Yuan felt weird whenever he thought about it. Like the characters had split themselves into two, The ones that he read about, and the ones he lived about with. Maybe it was Luo Binghe’s POV that caused such a discrepancy? Or Airplane’s lack of explaining backstory? Whatever it was, Shen Yuan felt himself able to rely on the novel less and less.

How would he be able to handle the protagonist’s introduction? How would he heal Jiu-ge’s wounds in time so he wouldn’t feel the need to lash out at the children under his care? He loved Jiu-ge, but if he saw him abuse Luo Binghe he didn't think he could stand by him. But he couldn’t do that to Jiu-ge. He may as well physically stab Shen Jiu in the heart before turning against him.

Ah, what to do?

He realised that he was at the pond. He must’ve wandered here while lost in his thoughts. Shen Yuan crouched by the ripping water, letting it touch the tips of his shoes as he peered at himself. He looked much older. His cheekbones were softer, having the proper food to grow some fat. He didn’t know how that made him feel, because in some way, he looked much more like his old body. Was his old family sad? Happy? Who found his body when he stopped responding to their messages? How long did they cry and mourn for? How long did he want them to linger on him for?

Did he even want them to mourn him? Couldn’t he just hope they forgot about him a month after his death and moved on to be happier? He always felt like he was a stormcloud in their sky. A shadow in their light. The ill-fated son. The lame brother. The boy who left a stain in each photo they looked at. He knew they didn’t actually think that. They loved him, Shen Yuan knew that. But that only made it harder. He almost hated having a body, knowing that it could inflict such pain onto others by merely existing.

He quickly got rid of those emotions. He inhaled sharply and closed his eyes. He had to stop thinking about it. Ignore, ignore, ignore. That was his motto. His go-to if something was hard to think about. So he instead opened his eyes and watched the fishes staring up at him curiously. When he exhaled, the water shifted and they swam away.

He stood up and scrubbed his cheeks until his skin burned. He felt a rush of something in him– hot and tingly. He shook his head and glared at the pathetic image reflecting back up at him. Fine. No more moping. No more! He's not acting like a kicked kitten anymore! He’s in this world, with A-Jiu and Qi-ge and stupid plot devices with miscommunication. He needed to sort himself out, because people here also cared about him and he can’t let himself worry them.

“Fine, Airplane, since you decided to write this novel and not include a therapist, I suppose I’ll have to do it myself the old-fashioned way!”

There was always one thing someone could rely on in a novel like this. When troupes like miscommunication and misunderstandings come into play –which is obviously what Airplane intended for these two– there's only one thing that can combat them… even more troupes! This was a real world but the ‘plot’ still moved like that of a story. It had the same personalities, events and objects, the only change was his perception of reality. But as a result of this, surely any attempt at changing the plot should be with story-like concepts?

He tried to think of any ideas.

He needed to get them into one room, and then set it up so Qi-ge would spill everything to Jiu-ge. The first part was easy enough: he’ll write a letter to A-Jiu pretending to be Qi-ge and vice versa. Get them in one location the old-fashioned way, then lock them in a room until they figure themselves out and communicate. There was a chance that A-Jiu’s restraint might snap and he'd murder Qi-ge, but that was unlikely… maybe.

How to get them trapped in the room, though? Well, there were talismans crafted for that exact purpose. He may not be able to use his qi properly, but he at least could channel a miniscule amount into a talisman. He remembered this, a while back he had been told about emergency talisman. Created for when someone is drained of qi or injured but still in danger. This way, they could conserve their energy, trap their enemies or whatever else that specific talisman was created for, and get to safety. Of course, when he’d first heard of this, he brushed it off. It wasn’t until later that he realised this was something that could help him, someone who struggles with his qi because the system has it out for him and wants to take all the joy out of being in a cultivation novel.

Long story short, he snagged a talisman meant to seal off a room for half a sichen time, which would also give him enough time to run away if Shen Jiu starts murdering everyone.

Rubbing his cheeks one last time for good measure, he felt a small bubble of giddiness build up in his chest. Alright, time to shove healthy communication habits onto them.

He started first by visiting Qi-ge again under the guise of asking for him to review documents he stole from A-Jiu, snagging a piece of paper with his handwriting on the way out. Before he left, he dropped ‘Shen Jiu’s’ letter on his desk. He quickly turned away to hide his face as he heard Qi-ge gasp from behind him. One down.

Next, he spent the next two hours in his room at his desk, copying Qi-ge’s writing as best as he could. He tried to think what Qi-ge would write down, and settled for being as pathetic as he could, begging for a chance to explain himself and tell the truth. Once he was done, he wondered if he should drop some water and smudge the ink to make it look like tears, but then decided to leave Qi-ge some dignity-- even if it was tempting. He folded it neatly, tucked it into his robes, and went right to Shen Jiu.

Jiu-ge was working, as expected. He looked up with a sharp glint to his eyes, which slightly softened upon seeing who it was. Still he spoke harshly. “What is it?”

“I got a letter for you from… it’s best if you just read it.” Shen Yuan tried to appear meek as he handed it over and watched as Shen Jiu unfolded it and let his eyes scan the contents. His face turned red, then slowly paled almost as white as the paper he was reading from. It took a few minutes before Shen Jiu screwed the letter into a ball and threw it into a bin. For a moment, Shen Yuan wondered if his plan wouldn’t work, but then his brother aggressively rose to his feet.

“I’ll be back.” He spoke curtly and stormed out of the room.

Should he run away now instead?

 

 

---

 

 

Shen Jiu had no idea what to feel. He settled on everything. Pissed, cautious and hopeful. He strode to the space for guests where ███ wanted to meet up. His fingers clenched and loosened, dug into his palms and then caressed the stinging indents. His mood swung back and forth like a pendulum, until it was stuck in the middle and he couldn’t decide what to think. It took no time to ride his sword over to the building, landing elegantly on his feet and storming to the door. He inhaled sharply, trying to suck all the feelings in the back of his throat down into his stomach, and barged in without knocking.

He had tea prepared and looked up at him, cautious and hopeful. It pissed him off how this man could look so innocent yet refuse to explain his innocence.

He sat down with a huff and crossed his arms.

“Fine. Do it then.”

“Do what?” ███ asked innocently, tilting his head in a way that made Shen Jiu want to slap him across the face.

“The letter you sent me. Don’t fool around, just explain yourself.”

“I didn’t send you a letter, you sent me a letter.” He explained and Shen Jiu nearly snarled at him, jumping to his feet and preparing to attack him when he heard shuffling behind him. His body swung around just in time to see Shen Yuan holding a talisman in the air, his jaw set with determination as he slapped it on the door and slammed it shut. The room’s air suddenly shifted as the pressure changed, the outside world being sealed off. Shen Jiu felt so angry in that single moment, he considered killing ███ then marching to Shen Yuan and killing him too. His fists trembled.

“That… that fucking idiot.” He seethed and twisted to glare at him. “Did you put A-Yuan up to this?”

“Up to what…?” He trailed off as he seemed to put everything together. Shen Jiu rolled his eyes and walked to the door. Sure enough, it wouldn’t open.

“It doesn’t matter, he may have an abundance of qi in his system but he can barely use it.” Shen Jiu said confidently. This talisman will just be an emergency substitute, those never last long. It will wear off soon enough. Shen Jiu himself had even considered giving some of those to A-Yuan as a means to protect himself, because even with his… unique core, he couldn't harness it properly. Shen Jiu had spent a week straight trying to fix this issue and settled on talismans, which required little to no qi to activate and didn't need any complicated or intricate channeling of one's qi to use. But after this, he might just confiscate whatever one's A-Yuan had.

How dare he?

He went to the tea, snatching a cup and taking a sip, before scowling and spitting it back into the cup. Of course, he was awful at making tea. He shot another glare at the other man, feeling his lips twist into a further scowl. Eventually, he sat down and closed his eyes, trying to meditate and intent on ignoring him.

“Xiao-”

“Don’t.”

He couldn’t deal with this shit right now.

“I’m sorry–”

“STOP!” He screamed and shot up again. The rage was so intense it made his spine snap straight. “JUST FUCKING STOP APOLOGISING! For once, just SHUT up. I can’t stand you. I can’t stand your lies, your betrayal, your patheticness. You DARE act sad even now? Even after abandoning A-Yuan and I? I cannot comprehend how demented you must be to think guilt tripping me will work.”

“I’m not trying to guilt trip you!” ███ stood up along with him, his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes mournful. He looked so beaten down, so crestfallen and heartbroken that Shen Jiu wanted to reach over the table and gouge his eyes out so he didn’t have to see it. He instead threw the cup in his hand against the wall. It shattered, realising a loud, high-pitched sound that Shen Jiu himself wanted to let loose. He instead began to pace around the room, flicking out his fan and trying to hide behind it.

“Whatever. I don’t care about you or the truth.”

“I didn’t abandon you.”

He scoffed. “Sure, you just promised to come back and you never did. I suppose you lost track of time is all, right?”

He took a step closer to him and held a hand to his chest, right over his stupid, beating heart. “No, I wanted to come but I…”

“If you wanted to, you would have.”

 ███ shook his head. “No, I– I couldn’t. I wasn’t able to leave.” He looked pained at his own words. Like it physically hurt him to speak them out loud. It gave Shen Jiu a pause, however, who stopped fanning and turned to shoot a sharp look in his direction.

“What do you mean?”

“I… It was my fault, I wasn’t strong enough. But…”

“But what?” Shen Jiu stormed to stand in front of him and snapped his fan shut, using it to jab him roughly in the chest. “Do you not care what Shen Yuan thinks you did?”

What I think?

 ███ seemed to be blinking away tears. “I was too weak to save you two. That day… I wanted to go help you but I was trapped. My sword… I can’t, Xiao Jiu. I can’t tell you.” His cheeks glistened.

“We are not leaving here until I know the truth I deserve to know. I don’t care if A-Yuan’s shitty talisman wears off, I’ll keep you here myself. I deserve to know, don’t I?” He sneered, “I deserve to know why my own family did not come back. If I leave here today without getting that, then I will never forgive you. I will spend eternity hating you, Yue-Shixiong.”

He started to weep, breaking down on the spot and falling to his knees. “My sword is connected to my life force, Xiao Jiu… I was going to go and save you, even if it killed me. Even if I lost my life to it. But my Shizun kept me locked in the Lingzi Caves.” He sobbed uncontrollably, pathetic and so despondent that Shen Jiu was frozen stiff at the emotion. “I wanted to! I would’ve– I’d die for you, Xiao Jiu! But by the time I managed to claw my way out, the Qiu Household was already burned down! I thought you were dead!”

Shen Jiu could not speak.

He could not breathe.

This was what he was after, right?

An answer.

A truth that could keep Qi-ge loyal and truthful in his eyes, but also explained why he never came. This was what he wanted, right? So why then… why did he feel so numb?

Why?

Why?!

WHY?!

WHY?!

He fell to his knees, staring blankly at the floor. He felt broken. Unable to cry. Unable to emote. Shouldn't he care? He should. He should. Qi-ge had an explanation, yet Shen Jiu still wanted to forget he ever existed. He felt that it was easier to hate the other man. Hate was simple. Easy to understand and easy to control.

“You… would’ve come?” He spoke in a voice so fragile he despised it.

Stop. Let me keep hating you.

“Yes.”

“You would’ve saved us?”

Please, say no.

“Yes.”

“You didn’t… abandon me?” He choked back an ugly sound and looked up at Qi-ge, who looked so small and fragile.

“Yes, Xiao Jiu.”

Distinctly, he felt the presence of the talisman fade. He could leave now, but he also could not move a muscle. He stared at the floor. His face felt so strange. He made no sound, no movement.

He wanted his building feelings to stop, but also felt them taking weight off his heart. It was melting the toxic miasma that had solidified over that organ for all his life. Blackened out his memories and muted his emotions. Shen Jiu felt like he could see again, exposed to colour for the first time. It scared him. He wanted to hide in that darkness, to stay broken. At least that felt familiar.

After a while of not talking, he stood up.

“I need time to think.”

“I understand, Xiao- Shen-Shidi.”

Shen Jiu hid his face behind his fan and turned to face the door. He left quickly and without saying anything. He wandered aimlessly. His thoughts wandered with him. Where to go? What to do? He was in a trance.

He stopped, hearing the footsteps behind him stop also.

“Stop stalking me, Shen Yuan.”

He heard his brother creep out from behind a tree, shifting nervously behind him. He turned to shoot a weak glare in Shen Yuan's direction. He faltered after seeing his expression. “How did it go?” He asked hesitantly.

“You tricked me.”

“I'm sorry, but I couldn't let it continue like this.”

“You could’ve.”

Shen Yuan nodded slowly. “I could’ve. I didn't.”

Shen Jiu let out a long sigh. “Don't you want to know what excuse he gave?”

“It must've been a good excuse if you left him alive.”

Flicking his fan, he stared at the skies above. He couldn't even find the energy to be pissed at Shen Yuan. Right now, that is. “Go ask him yourself, he'll tell you.”

“If the reason was good enough for you of all people then it's good enough for me too.”

“I thought you disliked my judgement of others.” He scoffed.

“Only how you execute that judgement. You're usually accurate otherwise. Besides–” Shen Yuan was walking beside him, still seeming slightly shy as if he'd get yelled at any second now. Shen Jiu didn't feel like scolding him now, he'll wait until later. “–I knew he never betrayed us.”

He stopped. “How?”

Shen Yuan shrugged and smiled in an awkwardly prideful way. “You have accurate judgement of bad people. So obviously I have good judgement of the nice ones. It's only fair, right?”

He barked out a dry laugh and hit Shen Yuan's head with his fan, who winced but took the hit. “You are too naive to tell the difference.”

“Rude!”

Shen Jiu felt… content with this. He hoped it would last. He still had no clue how to feel about Yue-Shixiong, but at least now he finally got a damn answer to his questions.

Notes:

Shen Jiu and Yue Qi reunion!! ...sorta, it's still going to be rocky and difficult for them but at least the truth is in the open, right?

Chapter 10: Protecting You

Notes:

Huzzah🎉, I am alive! I've learned something very important. Fanfiction isn't that serious, it's for fun. I'm not afraid of mistakes or anything anymore, but that doesn't mean I'll put any less effort into this story! Just that I'm not a perfectionist now lol
Enjoy!!

There was something inherently stressful about shopping with Jiu-ge, which was impressive. Kudos to him, seriously – very few people can take something as simple as buying a fan and make it both mentally exhausting and complicated.

Shen Yuan stared at the wide range of fans totally overwhelmed, both because of all the options and the eyes boring into the back of his head. He's already given up trying to tell Shen Jiu he was fine without one, instead his eyes frantically darting between them. Everytime he picked one up, he held it with such clumsy inelegance that he made Jiu-ge cringe. “There’s too many patterns, Jiu-ge, and I don’t even know what I’m supposed to be looking for!”

Jiu-ge harrumphed. “I refuse to have an uncultured and graceless person beside me.” He walked over to the stall and brought out his own fan, using it to tap one hiding in the back. “If you can’t pick one, then that one will do.” The one he’d selected was a pearly white, a mountain range with bamboo framing it painted in a pale green. It was beautiful but…

“It looks like one you’d use!”

“Precisely why I chose it, if you do not like it then make up your mind.” Shen Jiu said and Shen Yuan stared at the selection with panicked eyes. It was already hard enough for others to tell the difference between them, if he got one that looked the exact same then he’d never stop being mistaken for Shen Jiu!

“I…” He trailed off, inspecting every single fan like his life depended on it. Maybe it did! Shen Jiu did receive a few failed assassination attempts in the novel.

He noticed one hiding in the back and reached forth to grab it.

It was a deep verdant, pieces of gold foils arranged to look like falling leaves. His eyes were wide as he held it up. The wood was sturdy yet it felt light in his hands. Shen Yuan smiled and opened it to see more of the pattern, seeing a golden branch extending across the top. 

“I wouldn’t expect your tastes to be so fancy.” Shen Jiu commented and Shen Yuan beamed at him.

“It’s beautiful. If you’re going to force me to get a fan then I at least want this one.”

“Fine, it’s better than the last one you picked.”

“What’s wrong with the colour blue?!”

Shen Jiu scoffed as he paid for the fan. “I don’t want anyone to mistake A-Yuan for being on the peak of brutes.”

“Aiyah, but Liu-shixiong isn’t as much of a brute as you make him out to be.”

“Don’t let him fool you.”

“Jiu-ge–!” He was interrupted by a fan being shoved into his chest. He grabbed it and flicked it open, flashing a grin before methodically hiding it behind the fan. “How do I look?”

“Better, at least.”

“After all I’ve done for you, this is how you repay me?” Shen Yuan whined and chased after him, who was already walking away. He caught up and walked beside Shen Jiu, fiddling with his fan. He could see the appeal of having one, now that he’d been given it. Jiu-ge often told him off for ‘wearing his heart on his face’ and whatever, he supposed it was true. But his face was still loose from being behind a screen all the time. Why bother hiding your expressions when it's only yourself and a computer in a room? That's probably where he picked up his muttering aloud habit too, which Jiu-ge ruthlessly mocked him for.

Shen Jiu let himself smile, which meant he was in a really good mood.

“A-Yuan.”

“Yes?”

“I’m going on a night hunt tonight.”

He perked up immediately, recalling their last conversation about night hunts. “So…?”

“Yes, you can come. But you remember the rules, right?”

“Listen to Jiu-ge, follow Jiu-ge, don't act without Jiu-ge. Don't breathe with Jiu-ge.” Shen Yuan parroted robotically, noting the smile widen on Shen Jiu’s face.

“Good.”

They headed back to Qing Jing Peak, where Shen Yuan flitted around the place excitedly while Shen Jiu went to talk to the Peak Lord. He stopped briefly by the pond, tossing some fish food he brought into the water. He watched their mouths open into wide circles as they ate. Some of their heads even bobbed out of the water, staring at Shen Yuan as he was testing out the feeling of using a fan. He seemed to be coming here a lot now.

Which is probably why Shen Jiu found him so quickly.

“Shen Yuan.”

Or, perhaps not. He didn’t expect to hear Liu Qingge’s voice. He spun around and stared up at him with a growing smile. “Liu-Shixiong, I’m pleasantly surprised to see you.” He flicked the fan open and held it over his smile before it grew anymore. He saw the other boy’s gaze flick to his fan for a moment, registering it for the first time. The other boy then walked beside him and stared down into the pond. “I've heard you come here often.”

“I do.”

“I… also heard you're coming on a nighthunt.”

Shen Yuan perked up. “Ah– yes, I am! Is that why you're here?” He turned to face Liu Qingge, who had taken to resting against a tree with crossed arms. If not for knowing the boy already, he'd assume the other was grumpy. He just exudes that kind of energy. He thought Jiu-ge had an impressive resting bitch face but it seemed Liu Qingge could rival it.

“Yes. I am coming.”

Shen Yuan blinked in surprise. He knew Jiu-ge didn't like him hanging around Liu Qingge, so it didn't make sense that he was so unargumentative about Shen Yuan coming with them. Maybe their Shizun had something to do with it, there was only so much Jiu-ge could control, after all, he wasn’t the Peak Lord yet. Regardless of how it happened, he’d an inkling that he might end up being a mediator between the two of them.

 “I'm quite looking forward to it!” Shen Yuan said then turned at the sound of footsteps.

“A-Yuan, let's go.” Jiu-ge said forcefully, ignoring Liu Qingge on purpose.

Said boy grumbled.

This was going to be a long night hunt.

 

---

 

The village was small and practically empty by the time they reached it. The sun had risen with a burning light that cast yellow lines and even longer rows of shadows. Shen Yuan spent the entire time stopping and investigating the plants around him, a gleam of wonder permanently fixed to his face as he found new species to observe. And who could blame him?! In this world, there were plants that talked! Or that gave you the ability to breathe underwater or some random sorcery. Who’d ever ignore that? In his past life, all he had a fucking dandelion that refused to die on the sidewalk of his apartment. So, forgive him for being a little curious. At some points, Jiu-ge had to physically grab him by his arm and drag him onto his feet, barking out insults and orders at him that to anyone else, they would’ve found offence to it. But that was what Shen Yuan liked to think made their relationship so personal, he knew when Jiu-ge was genuinely upset and when his insults were just filibusters. Most of the time, his foul words were spoken without malice but instead a strange form of endearment. Shen Yuan found it kind of cute, but he’d never say that aloud or Jiu-ge might start insulting him for real.

Liu Qingge lingered behind them, eyes roaming around like he was a prey but with the aura of a predator.

When their feet finally reached stone rather than grass, they could already tell it was too quiet for such a populated area, which didn’t mix well. The streets were almost barren, few people walking about. Shen Yuan hovered close to Jiu-ge, staring at the people who stared back at them with suspicion in their eyes. The inn was surprisingly packed. Jiu-ge immediately picked the table in the farest corner of the room, his head naturally facing the door to monitor the people coming in and out. Shen Yuan was parched from the journey, so they ordered some tea. He took the pitcher and poured both Shen Jiu and Liu Qingge a cup each, ignoring the sour looks they shot at each other.

“Why are we here?” Liu Qingge finally asked. He was restless.

Shen Jiu sipped his tea. “To talk to the townsfolk, if that’s too difficult for you, you could always go and fight some random animal. I’m sure you’d fit in just fine with your own kind.”

Liu Qingge nearly sat up, but Shen Yuan grabbed his forearm gently. He didn’t want a fight to start. “I was just asking a question.” He hissed.

“And it was a good question!” Shen Yuan objected when he saw Shen Jiu’s mouth open. “Let’s keep the fighting to a minimum, at least until we locate this creature.”

“Creatures.” Shen Jiu corrected and Shen Yuan shot him a look.

“You've not mentioned what we're looking for yet.”

As Shen Jiu spoke, he reached over the table and yanked Shen Yuan’s hand off Liu Qingge’s arm. Okay then, weirdo . Touching him wasn't going to infect him.

“Bees.”

Shen Yuan paused. “Huh? ”

Liu Qingge glared, repeating him. “Bees.”

Jiu-ge nodded and took another sip from his cup. “Commentary comparable to a parrot-- yes, bees. A swarm of them slipped into the human realm. They've been attacking the towns nearby, though recently all these attacks have condensed into only this town.”

“Is it Blood Honey Bees?” Shen Yuan asked, suddenly excited.

Jiu-ge stared at him for a long moment, then he rolled his eyes. “Of course you'd know what they are. But yes, you're correct. Though it's a stupid name.”

Liu Qingge looked impressed, watching silently after picking up his own cup of tea.

Shen Yuan reached to pour his own cup as he explained excitedly. “They're called that because they suck blood out of creatures, absorb the nutrients then use it to make their honey. I've heard it's very sweet and slightly aphrodisiac.”

“How does blood turn into an aphrodisiac?”

Oh, Jiu-ge, don't question the logic of The Proud Immortal Demon’s Way. Everything is an aphrodisiac.

“Dunno.” He said instead. “Now that we’ve got that sorted out, why don’t we ask around?”

Shen Jiu went to stand up when Shen Yuan suddenly reached over to stop him. “Wait!”

“What?” Shen Jiu shot him a glare.

If Shen Jiu was the one who went around asking, he’d scare everyone off! Actually… he looked over at Liu Qingge and felt that the Bai Zhan disciple would also have the same impact. They both wore an ultimate resting bitch face that could startle even demonic beasts into fleeing, what kind of human would Shen Yuan be if he released these faces upon these poor townsfolk?! No, it should be him who does the talking. Concluding this, he stepped up. “I’ll go ask questions.”

“Alone?” Shen Jiu said, voice already stiff.

“I’ll be fine!”

“No.”

“Jiu-ge!”

Shen Jiu glared at him. “Remember the rules?”

Shen Yuan released a sigh that came from his soul. He slumped and nodded. Jiu-ge had already made up his mind, and he did promise to listen to him anyway, if he went against those rules now then he might be forbidden from going on another night hunt afterwards! Begrudgingly, he agreed to let Jiu-ge tag along, while Liu Qingge would survey the area. It was obvious the soon-to-be War God was restless, his knee bouncing up and down, his eyes flitting around looking for something to do. His tea had been downed like he didn’t even know how to savour it.

Settled, they left, and Shen Yuan realised he didn’t even get to drink any of that tea.

The first person he asked was an elderly woman by the name of Yu Ming.

“People have been getting sick and restless,” she said with a worried frown, “we’re not sure where those insects went but I swear I keep hearing buzzing in the middle of the night.”

“In your own house?” Shen Jiu asked and, to his defense, it was certainly not as sharp as it could’ve been. Still, his tone made the woman’s eyebrow raise.

“Yes, it’s unbearable at times. My son doesn’t hear anything though… which is strange, considering that my hearing has certainly passed its prime.” She raised a hand and tapped her ear with a wrinkled finger. “Sometimes even my own voice sounds muffled.”

”Is your bedroom closer to the forest?”

“The opposite, actually. My bedroom faces the town, while my son’s is closer to the forest. Is that important?” She asked with wide eyes and Shen Yuan glanced over at Jiu-ge with a shrug.

“Anything else?”

“I’m sorry, young cultivators, that’s all I know.”

Shen Yuan clasped his hands together and offered a polite bow. “Thank you for talking to us.”

Yu Ming looked between the two boys with bewilderment, before nodding slowly. Jiu-ge dragged him away to someone else. They got the same answers.

They heard buzzing sounds.

People were getting sick.

And no one had seen any bees since last week.

Things changed when they met a young woman who looked to have just reached adulthood. She wore a youthful face, absent of any marks or aging lines. Her black hair was cut short, which was a strange sight to see in a cultivation world. Still, she looked up at them as they approached her, a wary smile on her face. “Are you the cultivators everyone is talking about? If you’re here to ask me any questions, I doubt I’ll have much in the way of answers.”

Shen Yuan nodded and wore a polite smile. “Great, we can skip the introductions then! Yes, we’re here to ask questions, and it’s fine if you can’t answer any of them, but I beg that you at least listen to them first.”

“...Okay.”

Shen Yuan’s shoulders relaxed with relief. “Alright then, have you been hearing any buzzing the past week?”

She averted her gaze, staring at the leather strips in her hands. Her fingers tugged and pulled at them, twisting nervously around the material. “Uh, yes. My father told me… well, he thinks it’s in my head, but I’ve heard it. Buzzing that seems to come from within the very earth.” As she spoke, she stopped fidgeting and began to speak louder. “It’s like the buildings of this town have been infected, or maybe the sound has been absorbed by the structures. I sound insane, I-- I know, but demonic insects are the last thing I’ve bothered to research and this is as much of a guess as I can make with no knowledge!”

After her tirade, she slumped in her chair. “Sorry, I didn’t mean to rant.”

Shen Yuan noted her tired expression and asked the rest of his questions, before excusing them and heading back to the inn.

Shen Yuan wanted to sit down after all the talking. His mouth was so dry and he still hasn’t been able to have anything to drink! So, while Jiu-ge went to get a refill, he poured himself a glass of plain water and downed it. Oh, how dearly he missed juice from his past world. He’d do anything for that sugary, unhealthy powder to mix into this water and make juice! He lamented over what he’d taken for granted. At least this water was somewhat sweet. People here tended to mix honey or other sweeteners into their drinks, which was much healthier than the artificial trash Earth provided!

Oh don’t even get him started on how much he missed coke.

When Jiu-ge had come back, they rested for a bit while Shen Jiu drank his tea. Then they went to find Liu Qingge.

“He’s probably fighting something already.” Shen Jiu sneered.

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes and didn’t reply.

The sky had darkened long before the sun sat, thick clouds forming in the sky. Few rays of sunlight managed to squeeze its way through the dense layers of grey, and now that it was night, the moon was just as invisible as the sun had been.

“Looking at the sky again?” Jiu-ge interrupted his pondering as they walked around the perimeter of the town in search of Liu Qingge.

“I was just lost in thought. Nevermind me.” His face stretched into a smile that made Jiu-ge roll his eyes but soften his glare.

“Fine, well, be on your guard. We're looking for a hive, remember?”

“Yeah, we should probably catch up to Liu-Shixiong.”

They sped up, shoving past thick branches and bushes. Shen Yuan yelped when a particular twig snapped back after Jiu-ge shoved it and hit his cheek. He cursed and raised a hand to the bloody line forming on his face. He paused to rub the blood away while complaining. But he quickly realised that Jiu-ge had suddenly stopped. Jiu-ge had gone rigid and Shen Yuan stopped his complaining, hand falling back down to his side.

“Jiu-ge?”

Shen Jiu shook his head and started to shove through the branches and twigs, getting further away from Shen Yuan, who immediately tried to follow him.

“Jiu-ge!”

“Wait there!” Shen Jiu barked once then by the time Shen Yuan properly processed those words, was already out of his sight. He begrudgingly stopped, not pursuing the distant rustling of dead leaves and cracking sticks. A moment passed. Then another. Jiu-ge had yet to come back or even call out to him.

He broke after what felt like half an hour, but was likely only ten minutes. Orders be damned! Shen Yuan hurried forward and broke through another barrier of nature, running headfirst into something big and solid. His head snapped up and he saw the textured layers of a hive. With a panicked yelp he scampered backwards and hit something else. This time, the thing he hit grabbed him and dragged him back into the shrubbery. The arms around him were warm and thick with muscles. Much too bulky to be Jiu-ge.

“Are you alright?” He heard Liu Qingge murmur and he nodded.

“Where is Shen-Shixiong?”

“I don't know, he just vanished.” Shen Yuan said helplessly.

He felt Liu Qingge nod from behind him. “You know a lot about beasts, correct? If this hive is empty, where are they?”

His first thought was another hive was being built nearby. But then he thought about it more and that didn't make sense. They still would've seen tracks or heard something from up ahead. Liu Qingge was an expert hunter and his Shen Jiu was well-versed in being aware of his surroundings. No, it had to be somewhere else, where sound was muffled and they weren’t visible.

‘I keep hearing buzzing in the middle of the night.’

Shen Yuan’s eyes widened and he turned to look back in the direction of the town.

People getting sick.

The sweet water.

Oh fuck. 

He spun to stare at Liu Qingge. “Did you have any of the water?!”

He shook his head. “Only the tea.”

Liu Qingge, you idiot– tea is made with water!

He immediately leaned forward and put his hand onto Liu Qingge’s cheek, which turned red in an instant. Oh no, was the honey kicking in already? He shook his head and pressed a finger to Liu Qingge’s eyebrow, pushing upward slightly so his eyelid raised and he could see his pupil better. It hadn’t dilated yet. He sighed with relief. “The hive is in the well back at that village, that’s the only place their water is stored, and it’s inside the town, exactly where the sounds are coming from! We need to head back now.”

“What about your brother?”

“He’ll be there.”

“How do you know that?” Liu Qingge questioned and Shen Yuan flashed a smile at him.

He could guess exactly what happened. Jiu-ge must’ve felt the effects of the honey and ran off. He can come off as bold and unbashful, but when it came to more intimate means, his farce crumbled and he became disturbed. Shen Yuan knew it was because of his past, so he didn’t want to pursueShen Jiu while he was in such a vulnerable state. Rather, he’ll go to the village now and after Jiu-ge soothed himself out and figured out what happened, he’d head back there as well. 

Certainly, this all was far too personal to tell Liu Qingge, so he shook his head sadly. “You know, he isn’t as bad as you think. Trust him a little, would you?”

He humphed and crossed his arms, though he didn’t vocally dispute Shen Yuan’s words, instead, he turned his heels and began to walk back to the village. Shen Yuan smiled and followed with an amused shake of the head. Liu Qingge and Jiu-ge were like two brothers who never stopped bickering. He knew Jiu-ge would skin him alive if he ever heard that comparison said aloud, so it’d stay safely tucked away inside his brain. Maybe just like Jiu-ge and Qi-ge, he could trick them into getting along? Ah, well, he shouldn't push his luck.

When they arrived, the village was scarily quiet. Shen Yuan knocked on the inn they were at before and opened the door. It was empty. Actually… no it wasn’t--

“Wait.” Liu Qingge said at the same time as Shen Yuan saw the people laying on the floor.

“I know, I see them.” He stepped in and crouched beside someone. “They’re not dead. It’s the honey in the water.”

“I thought the water was…” Liu Qingge blushed and coughed into his fist, “an aphrodisiac.” 

Shen Yuan held back an amused chuckle as he stood up again. “In small doses, but these people have consumed a lot, which leads to drowsiness, fatigue and a comatose state. Thankfully it isn’t lethal on its own. Normally the unconsciousness leads to accidental starvation and death, but we can wake them up after the issue is resolved at the source.”

“That’s good.” Liu Qingge mumbled. His blush didn’t disappear and Shen Yuan tilted his head, looking at him with bemusement before it clicked. He walked over and placed the back of his hand against Liu Qingge’s cheek, which was burning with a fever. His eyes were also dilated, and he furrowed his brows as he struggled to keep his breath even. Shen Yuan then looked back outside through the open door. Jiu-ge wasn’t here yet, should he go by himself? Liu Qingge won’t be in any position to fight soon and he’s certain the other disciple would like to be alone when dealing with such an… embarrassing infliction.

“Stay here and keep an eye on them.”

“I’m not letting you go alone. Besides, you literally just told me they’d be fine on their own.”

Shen Yuan sighed and stepped back, pulling his hand away. There was a bit of sweat on it, which he rubbed off onto a nearby tablecloth. “Liu-Shixiong, someone needs to keep a watch out. Jiu-ge has yet to return and your condition is worsening by the minute.”

“I’ll be fine.” Liu Qingge said stubbornly, like the stubborn idiot he was.

He sighed heavily, before doing something he told himself he never would after Jiu-ge called it evil and psychotic.

He pulled out the puppy eyes.

“Liu-shixiong…” He said quietly, looking upward with big eyes, “I’d worry about you too much if you come with me, it’d distract me. I’d rather at least one of us was in the condition to fight. Besides, if you start regulating your body and qi now, you’ll be able to join me in ten minutes at least! So, please? Just listen to me this once?”

Liu Qingge’s blush deepened, and Shen Yuan began to worry he was upset. Before he sighed and sat down in a cross-legged position. “Wait for me, then we’ll go together.”

“Sure!” He lied happily. He waited until Liu Qingge was in a deep enough meditative state that he was unaware of his surroundings, then snuck out.

Would he be upset later? Totally. But he would deal with that after this mess has been solved.

System?

[Answering User002, what does the User wish to ask?]

You mentioned in the past that my body is immune to poisons, does that include aphrodisiacs?

[It does.]

I thought so. System, is Jiu-ge safe? He hasn’t come back yet, I thought he’d be here by now. I hope I wasn’t incorrect in my assessment of his situation. Maybe I’d better head back and check, actually…

[User002 does not have access to this information. Would User like to buy the ‘Bond Board’? It includes the following:

~access to Shen Qingqiu’s current emotional and physical state.

~Shen Qingqiu’s ‘adoration’ points.

~Helpful tips and tricks to advance your relationship. (˵ •̀ᴗ•́˵)و]

Shen Yuan stopped and felt his face grimace on its own.

This feels like a horrible invasion on Jiu-ge’s privacy. Also, stop calling him Shen Qingqiu! It sounds weird! He’s not even the Peak Lord yet! At least call him Shen Jiu or something. And don’t say relationship! It sounds weird when you use that word.

Before the System could respond he shook his head.

Forget it, I’ll complete the night hunt then go look for him. You’re absolutely useless, I cannot believe I once wished I had a system. At least you cannot interfere with me.

[(ʃƪ¬‿¬)]

Huh? What do you mean by that?

System?

Hey! Don’t ignore me!

After not getting a response, Shen Yuan felt dread. He decided to ignore it for now, as was his usual to-go method of handling stress. He arrived at the well and sure enough, he heard a faint buzzing from within. The sound almost vibrated the cobblestone circle, echoing out from the hole. Drawing out his training sword, he quickly prepared to use the rope. He regretted it the moment he started to slide down, yelping undignified as his palms burned from the friction and he nearly fell right down. Shen Yuan dug his fingers deeper around the rope, only causing them to sting even more. Then were even thin marks of blood being left behind on the rope.

Once his feet hit solid ground, he stepped back and waved his hands with a hiss. They were hot and slightly wet. He was in the dark, but he knew the wetness was from blood and not anything else. Call him an expert at this point. He knew what blood felt like.

Pushing qi into his sword to create a faint glow, he winced at the ache shooting down his arms. It hurt to use qi, which he had yet to bring up to anyone. Well, hurt wasn’t the best way to describe it. After that… incident during the Immortal Alliance Conference, he’d decided to try to use his qi differently, instead of just transferring it to Jiu-ge, which proved to be extremely difficult. He could use talismans, as he’s a pro at channeling at this point, but when it came to using it in other ways… he struggled a bit. But whatever! He was still learning! He’ll get there, it’s just… well, fate forbid that Shen Jiu found out, or he might genuinely be wrapped up in immortal-binding cords or something! Who knew with that man…

Even with the faint light, he barely managed to make any sense of his surroundings.

But he saw the hive. Or to be more exact, he heard it.

Wings. Thousands, maybe millions of them all buzzing at the same time. He instinctively took a step back from the intensity of the sound. It felt like the sound was emerging from his skull, like his brain had been replaced with swarming bees. His teeth vibrated from the sensation, reminding him of when he’d smush his face against the car window as it moved. He shook his head of the memory and instead raised his sword, gathering the qi across the metal. It began to burn hotter and brighter. So did the pain in his body, which he had surmised to be his meridians. He’ll ask the system about that later.

The buzzing got louder as the bees sensed his qi, rushing out to attack him.

With one swoop, he swung the sword and watched as the bees burst into flames. Like little embers, they exploded then simmered away to nothing. But unlike the protagonist and his Xin Mo, he didn’t kill them all, and more came toward him.

He swung again.

His arm started to feel numb. That was… strange. But sure, he hasn’t actually used qi for anything but talismans outside of practice yet. His body is just adjusting, that’s all

And again.

More bees burst into flames. A weird, burning stench singed his nostrils. Then his sword became heavier. So heavy that he almost dropped it. It took a moment to locate the problem. Shen Yuan noticed with a startling dread that his right arm had fallen completely limp. He had already learned how to use his left hand for most things after the injury, but the sight of a failing body part still sent chills down his spine. It hurt to breathe and move but he made himself do so anyway.

Shen Yuan raised his sword yet again, but when he let it sweep forward, it shattered.

He quickly realised how fucked he was. He wasn’t able to regulate how much qi he shoved into the blade, which must’ve made it brittle. The last burst of qi he’d let loose had shattered it, along with his ability to use his right arm. Why why why!? Why was his body acting up now!? He still has that stupid halo! Was it the qi he was using? But that made no sense-- the qi was there, right there in his own damn body, it should be fine to use!

He heard more bees explode out of the hive.

Hey system, I’m immune to their stings, right?

[Answering User002. User is immune, but can still bleed out and suffer from tissue damage. (๑>؂•̀๑)]

Fuck your stupid emojis or whatever! They’re pissing me off!

“Fuck!” He ducked from a cluster of bees. Buzzing erupted from all around him. It became so loud and overwhelming. Like dozens of broken electrical cords, all humming with electricity and singing the air. He went to clamp his hands over his head but his arms wouldn’t lift up. He stumbled backward, bumping into the damp well wall behind him.

What can he do?

How can he get out of this?

He stepped right to avoid more bees, feeling some beginning to land their stings into his body. Their needles dug deep, piercing skin and veins. He winced and turned, tripping over rocks and falling backward. Be it fate, or a god watching over him, he tumbled into a deep oval-shaped body of water. He inhaled sharply at the sudden sensation of being under icy water, causing it to fill his lungs. He breached the surface and spluttered, going back under as a bee stung his cheek.

His entire body burned yet also froze. Pain from the stings and pain from the water getting into them overwhelmed him. Shen Yuan’s mind went blank. Is he going to die like this?

Just as he thought that, he heard something else.

A sword. And a lot of arguing.

“I thought you'd keep an eye on him!”

“He ran off while I was meditating.”

“You got outsmarted by him? You really are a dumb brute!”

“Where were you then?”

“Nowhere.”

“Bullshit!”

“Bullshit or not, I'd never tell you either way. Do you even have a brain!? I bet your body ate it to feed those useless muscles on you!”

“Why you–”

Shen Yuan wished they'd left him to die to the bees. At least the insects weren't as loud. He popped his head out of the water and watched as the two cultivators demolished the hive with surprisingly well coordinated attacks. Was their arguing their way of joining wavelengths? Quite impressive. He’d been accepting his death a moment ago, so he watched now as he recovered from that with a strange calmness he was certain would wear off the moment Shen Jiu’s ire turned toward him.

“A-Yuan!” Jiu-ge saw him and turned around. As Liu Qingge continued to utterly decimate the hive, he flew over to him and hopped off his sword. Shen Yuan grinned, got out of the water and laughed.

“I totally knew you'd come save me.”

Jiu-ge’s eye twitched. He opened his mouth to snap back when his eyes lowered. His face lit up a bright crimson. His eyes widened and he quickly turned away, the glare in his gaze weak and halfhearted. “You– you–!”

“Jiu-ge? Are you alright?” Shen Yuan walked to him. Which only caused his Jiu-ge to leap back with even redder cheeks. He pulled out his sword, ready to run off and help Liu Qingge, before realising that the Bai Zhan disciple had already murdered all the bees. He completely demolished the hive! There was nothing left but a pile of firm honeycomb and protective shell.

He walked to join them, looked at Shen Yuan, and also had his face ignited with a blush.

System, a little help?! Why are they staring at me like that?!

[The water has made your clothes transparent.]

What the fuck!

Shen Yuan quickly scampered past them, then realised he couldn't get out of the well without help. His hands were badly injured, his arms were uncooperative and he had no sword left to use even if there was enough room for it! He turned around and Liu Qingge was just staring at him, gobsmacked. If he didn't know the other any better, he'd think the other disciple was ogling him, but Liu Qingge didn’t have the heart for that.

Unfortunately, Jiu-ge thought he did.

“You shameless brute!” He screeched and ran over to Shen Yuan, ripping off his outer robe and covering Shen Yuan in it. He sneered at the poor Liu Qingge, who looked too embarrassed to even snap back at him.

“Let's leave.” Shen Yuan prompted and got glared at.

Shen Jiu held out a hand, waiting for him to hop onto his sword so he could fly them both out of there. Shen Yuan stared sheepishly at him for a moment, shrugging his useless limbs. “I.. ahaha, can’t use my arms?”

“Shen Yuan. What do you mean you can’t ‘use your arms’?”

He laughed nervously. “I dunno, I used too much qi and they, well, did this?” He shrugged them again and all three of them watched dumbfoundedly as they flopped around like noodles.

Jiu-ge’s face was as white as a corpse’s as he snatched Shen Yuan by the collar and pulled him onto his sword. He turned to Liu Qingge and barked at him to take care of the unconscious villagers, before setting off back to the peak. To Shen Yuan’s dismay, Jiu-ge took him to Qian Cao Peak. Shen Yuan felt his fear of doctors surface again and complained and complained to no avail. It wasn’t like he could fight back… his arms ragequitted!

He was wrestled into a room where Jiu-ge kept a hand on his shoulder to hold him down until someone came in.

It took no time at all to identify the issue, and the Qian Cao Peak Lord came in a few minutes later. His face became more bewildered and confused the longer he studied Shen Yuan’s state. His brows had been pulled inward, wrinkling his forehead. He grabbed a book and yanked a chair toward the resting bed to sit down and read for a few moments. He then closed the book with a sigh, looking between Shen Yuan and Jiu-ge.

“How-- no, where did you get this core?”

Oh dear.

“I… ah, don’t remember, sorry. It’s always been like this.” Shen Yuan mumbled and wished he could use his fan to hide his face.

System, do something already. Or he’ll get even more suspicious!

[Would the Host like us to recommend a dialogue line?]

Yes, yes! Please, this is all your fault anyway!

[The System apologises again ( •̯́ ₃ •̯̀)]

The Peak Lord frowned again, grabbing his wrist and picking his arm up. It lifted lifelessly into the air and when he started to let his qi trickle into Shen Yuan’s arm through two fingers, his hand twitched. He felt some sensation return and he watched with wide eyes as the colour to his arm returned slowly. The Peak Lord seemed to focus on something, and he frowned even deeper. “Your meridians are that of a newborns, if they could even be called meridians. They’re practically non-existent. But that surely can't be right... I would've noticed this during your last visit..."

“I see…” Shen Yuan mumbled, “what does this mean?”

System, what does he mean by that? You said you’d fix my body! And it wasn't like this before, my meridians were fine when I was first here. What did you do?!

[System is busy generating dialogue.]

What? Can’t you multitask?! Tell me! What was this shit about a halo?! Are you too weak to give me one? Or is it something else?

“It means that they’re easily rupturable. Using any qi would be like trying to use paper to channel a river. Not only would it wear them down, but they would tear if you used even the slightest bit more than they can handle.”

It felt like his world was crashing. Shen Yuan stared at the arm he could feel now. His eyes drifted to his other arm, which still laid limply at his side. “I see.” He repeated quieter. “Can I fix it?”

“It would be far too dangerous to do on your own… but if you had someone else channel qi through them they would strengthen naturally over time. However, that person would have to be a professional, if they used even a miniscule amount of too much qi, it would rupture them completely.” He explained.

He jerked at the sudden shrill notification.

[Would the Host like to use this dialogue prompt to evade detection?

 

• “My physical health has been in…”

 

 

Selected dialogue options will cost 100 B points!]

What is this BS? Only one option?! This is worse than those ‘pick your choices’ games that don’t actually do anything. Actually, no, at least those games pretend to give you an option. Fine, give it.

[Error, there was a glitch in the purchase. Would the Host like to purchase it again?]

FUCK YOU. I don’t have a choice, do I? Just take my damn points then, kick a poor man down when he’s down on his luck, why don’t you? Useless! You are so useless, you hack of a machine. I hope AI doesn’t end up like you in the future, your technological ass has no sympathy, reason nor any sense of morality! I hope you short circuit.

[Purchase successful! (๑´>᎑<)~* Thanking the Host for his patience.]

Just as he was about to continue cursing in his head, his mouth opened on its own and the dialogue came pouring out. It felt like he was possessed, he couldn’t close his lips, his voice functioned on its own. He was now just observing himself as his body switched off manual. “My physical health had been in decline ever since I was born, but it seems to be better now. Of course, that only happened after… well, after I almost died.” For a moment, Shen Yuan was stunned that the System could just take over his body like that, and that no one even noticed.

"You think it's connected?"

Lost, Shen Yuan shrugged his one shoulder meagerly.

He felt Jiu-ge put a hand on his shoulder, fingers digging into his skin.

The Peak Lord seemed to mull over his words. “Well, we’ve never had a case like yours before. Your idea certainly explains a few things that even I can’t solve. But it’s just a theory, we’ll need to do more research.”

Shen Yuan was upset he lost points to the system, but after processing those words he found himself begrudgingly impressed. The System was intelligent at least. It managed to make his mismatched meridians and core seem like the result of trauma to the body, explained why he was so much healthier now, and also left things open to interpretation. Shen Yuan was good at bullshitting but this was a tier of bullshit that even he had yet to reach. It was just a shame that he had to buy it two times. Twice the cost!

“Wait, research?” He suddenly processed.

He heard the older man sigh and walk over to the window, leaning against the wall and looking like a kicked puppy. “I have to deal with such repetitive and dull cases every single day, it’s not often I stumble across someone so enigmatic. If what you say is true, then your body is still repairing itself and using your meridians as fuel.”

But it wasn’t true, sir, it was bullshit. My body isn't self-regenerative.

Wait, it’s not... right?

[No.]

Of course not. That would actually be useful! But no, you’d much rather make sure I can’t get horny off of aphrodisiacs or something, right? Oh, and I can’t forget about the bee stings! I’m immune to fucking bees, how amazing. I’m like superman now. Why don’t you just toss me off a cliff while you’re at it? Tell me I’m immune to wind damage but not the fucking rocks below?

[The System detects hostility in the Host’s words, is he being sarcastic?]

I hate you. 

“I’m sorry but I'm very tired.” Shen Yuan mumbled pathetically, "could I go back to my peak now?”

The Peak Lord’s face twisted, then he eventually nodded, albeit hesitantly. he let out a long sigh, “let me fix your left arm first, then I’ll give you some medication to take tonight to make sure there’s no long term damage to your arms. It seems to be fine, but precautions are always a necessity.” He thoroughly repaired Shen Yuan’s other arm, then watched them quietly as Jiu-ge took him back. Shen Yuan was unsure what the other boy was thinking, He was too quiet. No anger. No sadness. No nothing. Just a blank face, carefully curated to reveal nothing from within his head. Shen Yuan found this version of him to be even more unsettling.

Shen Jiu must still be processing that information. Great, now he thinks Shen Yuan’s body is stunting its own meridians to keep himself healthy. Honestly, he was starting to lose track of everything!

He doubted he'd get to go on another nighthunt any time soon.

Hey, system, still ignoring me? Or will you finally explain how you fucked up with fixing my body?

System?

He rolled his eyes.

He was promptly dragged home. Jiu-ge slammed the door as Shen Yuan turned to stare at him. Shen Yuan prepared for the argument that was coming, he could tell Jiu-ge was seriously upset. “Look, I’m sorry, okay?” He said.

Jiu-ge shook his head with a laugh. His face finally erupted. Rage and disbelief shattered that mask and he started to pace around the room.

“Oh, no. No, no, no. I’m not listening to you anymore. You broke the rules I set out before we went on that damn nighthunt. You obviously can’t follow directions, so I’m not letting you leave again.” Jiu-ge said with startling finality in his tone. He paced around, hands twitching as he kept shaking his head. “Not only that, but your body is too fragile. Again, Shen Yuan, you almost died again!”

Shen Yuan hung his head. “I’m not… look, it was a mistake. But next time, I’ll definitely–”

“Next time?” He laughed incredulously at Shen Yuan. “There won’t be a next time. I can’t trust you with your own safety. I can’t even trust your body to keep itself alive. I thought that maybe since you were doing better, maybe I could’ve, but what kind of cultivator can’t even use qi?”

Shen Yuan felt his blood start to boil. He hated being told he was fragile. Not only that, but he felt hurt at being told that. “Jiu-ge, being a cultivator includes risks, we both knew that when we joined. I know I am at a higher risk, but I was going to be anyway, so you can’t keep me here like a damn pet, alright?”

Jiu-ge’s head snapped toward him. “I can, actually. Considering that I’m the head disciple and soon to be Peak Lord.”

He felt himself get more upset at that. “That’s abusing authority, Jiu-ge. I could report you to the current Peak Lord.”

Something changed in Jiu-ge’s demeanour. He went still for a moment, then slowly walked towards him. “Report me. You’d do that?” He then shook his head and laughed. “No, you wouldn’t.”

He wouldn't, but Shen Yuan pushed the idea anyway, desperate for Jiu-ge to understand that what he was doing was wrong. “I would, actually. You’re pushing your power onto me, I’m sick of it. I’m not fragile, alright? I know I used to be sick but I’m better now! Surely you’ve noticed how much healthier I am now?”

Shen Jiu scowled. “For now, who knows if you’ll get another flare up? You said so yourself: you're suddenly healthier after almost dying, and your own meridians were damaged because of it.”

“That was just a theory I had!”

Shen Jiu glared down at him, “then what else could possibly explain it? I’ve always wondered how you survived having your throat slit. I had just been happy that you survived… but now I finally understand. That rush of qi you gave me that day at the Qiu Household, you must’ve done that to yourself. But you are trying to hide the damage you did to yourself.”

Uh oh, he came to a totally incorrect conclusion! But I can’t tell him the truth, the System has to stay a secret. Should I just roll with it? 

He then reached toward Shen Yuan and grabbed his arm. “Today, you lost the ability to use your own arms! If you keep using qi, you might damage yourself or worse… you might actually die this time, A-Yuan.”

“We can find someone to strengthen my meridians! He told us that.”

“I wouldn’t trust anyone to do that besides me, I refuse.”

“Why should I be the only one getting punished?”

“You think this is punishment?” Jiu-ge took another step forward. “I’m protecting you.”

“No you’re not. You’re controlling me.”

Shen Yuan startled as Jiu-ge suddenly shoved him backwards. His ankle hit the bed and he tumbled over, falling onto the mattress with a loud yelp. They stared at each other for a few, long seconds. His eyes were wide, staring up at Jiu-ge. It was the first time he’d directly touched Shen Yuan when they were fighting. The silence stretched on, and then Jiu-ge seemed to snap out of his stupor. He moved to stand over Shen Yuan and shove him back down as he was trying to get up. “Jiu-ge wait–!”

Jiu-ge ripped the scarf off his neck. He then jabbed a finger atop the scar. “This? This right here is proof that I’m right! You’ve been so close to death so many times that sometimes I wonder if you want to die!”

Shen Yuan tried to get his word in but kept getting interrupted.

“Again and again, every single time I listen to you and you almost die ! H-how am I supposed to just- to just let that happen? How could you possibly expect me to risk losing you so you can get some thrill of adventure? ” Jiu-ge was nearly shouting, his cheeks flushed from the increased blood pressure. Shen Yuan tried to get up but was shoved once more. He started to feel extremely uncomfortable at how handsy Jiu-ge was. He stared up at his eyes, which were shining. “I’m done pretending to be okay with this! You’ll be a teacher, Someone who doesn’t have to leave. You've always loved teaching me, A-Yuan, I know you’ll enjoy it.”

“Whether or not I’d enjoy it doesn’t matter if it isn't my choice! And get off me!”

Jiu-ge’s hands clamped over his shoulders and he let his weight force Shen Yuan deeper into the mattress, his hair fell over like a curtain hung around them, all he could see was Jiu-ge’s mocking face. “How about you shove me off instead? Come on, if you’re so strong, then make me move!” He spat and shook his head, ripples in his hair. Shen Yuan wanted to shove him off, but he saw the unshed tears in Jiu-ge’s face and faltered, feeling his struggle evaporating. He gave a weak push, before his arms fell limply to his sides. He felt so helpless. He couldn’t control his body, it was freezing up and refusing to listen to him.

“Fine! You’ve made your point, okay?! I’m stupid and useless! So get off and leave me alone!” Shen Yuan shouted with a dry sob and managed to pull his arm away so it could hang over his face and cover his eyes. Right now, he didn’t want to stare at Jiu-ge while his eyes burned so fiercely. Knowing that he couldn’t do anything about it. He wished so badly that his sobs could cut off the oxygen from his lungs and make him pass out. He didn’t want to be here anymore. “Please… I’m sorry.”

Jiu-ge’s hands fell from his shoulders, and for a moment the room was silent again. Aside from the occasional dry sob from Shen Yuan. He was thankful no actual tears had come out of his eyes.

Then he was yanked into a hug. Feeling the familiar comfort, Shen Yuan leaned into it thoughtlessly. He no longer made noise, but his shoulders still shook.

“A-Yuan, you understand why I’m doing this, don’t you?” A soft, gentle finger grazed along the scar on his neck. “I need to protect you.”

“I don’t need protection anymore. It’s safe here.”

“It’s never safe. When I become Peak Lord, then I can make it safe for us.”

Shen Yuan nodded, eyes already dry. Now that he had control over his body again, the fear and apprehension in his brain was already leaking out, leaving him tired and exhausted. He didn’t used to be a crier. In fact, he barely cried in his past life, even when he’d been dying from illness. He’d not had the time to adapt to his new life and all the emotions that came along with it. Instead, he'd been shoved into horrible moment after horrible moment. When one cannot control their body, all that was left were emotions. Awful, little things that lashed out at themselves, desperate to gather any sort of authority, even if it was only the tears in his eyes or the painful dryness in his mouth.

“Okay.” He said with a weak voice. He knew Jiu-ge was lying. When he eventually becomes the Peak Lord, he’ll be even more paranoid. Shen Yuan shouldn’t have assumed that getting the truth out from Qi-ge would solve things immediately. Jiu-ge latched onto his grudges because they brought him familiarity. Something he did not have much of. He'd have to willingly let his walls down again and that will take time. Shen Yuan hugged Jiu-ge back, which seemed to surprise him. “I'll be here, Jiu-ge. Just please, don't do… that again, please.”

Don't take the control from my body.

Jiu-ge sighed long and slow into his scalp. His breath was warm. He did not respond, nor did he agree.

Chapter 11: Our Ghosts Haunt, Our Demons Talk

Notes:

I feel as though I should reiterate that I choose not to use the warnings, but I do try to put triggers in the notes of each chapter. If you feel like I've missed one, please tell me and I'll add it.
Enjoy.

There's been a lovely piece of fanart brought to my attention, I figured i should just link it here. It looks beautiful, thank you so much: https://x.com/xiaoshizun/status/1908366047528509529

At the behest of A-Yuan, Yue Qi’s visits and tea with him extended to Shen Jiu, who felt not only some sort of obligation to participate, but also a chance to see who Qi-ge turned into. He may now understand what occurred, but that didn’t change the fact that the man who he talked to all those days ago was no longer the same Qi-ge he got to know when they were children. He moved to a new environment, grew up and developed alongside a whole different group of peers. Although he seemed to still be loyal to Shen Jiu, that was something to determine over months of monitoring and studying.

So here they sat. Leaves danced around them, unaware of the tension in the air they occupied. The once bright greenery browning as autumn approached. 

Shen Jiu stared at Yue Qi from across the table as steam rose between them. His fingers tapped the wood spine of his fan, feeling the smooth surface before letting his nails dig into it. Shen Jiu felt strange that now everything was technically settled between them, for nothing's really changed. There was no sudden change between them. The relaxed atmosphere Qi-ge created was replaced by anxious smiles and worried stares from Yue Qi, and it would never be the same again.

He found himself wishing it wasn't that way. But he looked at Yue Qi and memories swarmed him like wasps. Whenever he dared to think positively about the other, his own mind stung itself with memories of Qi-ge leaving.

When he smiled so warmly as he told them he'd rescue them. The warmth comparable to what he imagined being held in a mother’s arms felt like. Safety. Comfort. Love.

Then that image was burned away by the sight of Qiu Jianluo touching A-Yuan. Abusing Shen Jiu. His hands as they slapped him over and over again as if he could beat the hate and disobedience out of Shen Jiu. Those memories weren't the worst, but they were the ones connected to Qi-ge. The ones tainting their past relationship with smoke and ash. If Yue Qi wanted to start anew, then fine. But Shen Jiu had learned his lesson repeatedly; endlessly. A rule that fate branded into his brain with betrayal and blood. Never trust anyone. Never rely on anyone.

Shen Jiu took a sip from his cup, the bitter tea making his nose scrunch. Yue Qi made awful tea. At least he'd brought a plate of sugar especially for Shen Jiu, he remembered that Shen Jiu liked his tea and food sweet.

He took a spoon and heaped some sugar into the cup. It managed to mask the disgusting bitterness of burnt tea leaves.

“I'm sorry, I really do try, but I am no good at making tea.” Yue Qi admitted sheepishly. “It's always bitter in the end.”

“Perhaps your tea reflects your relationships.” Shen Jiu couldn't help but jab, enjoying the flash of pain in his face. It wasn't as enjoyable as before he found out the truth, but it settled the spikes of unreasonable anger within his veins. He wondered if his lingering negative qi was the cause behind his volatile emotions, or his upbringing, or even heart demons. What difference did it make? He really needed to stop pondering on the cause behind his personality.

“I suppose so…” Yue Qiu murmured and drank his own tea, not bothering to put sugar into it. Like most times, he punished himself out of guilt, which didn't make Shen Jiu feel better. Oh no, it made it worse. It hurt him to see misery in Yue Qi's expression just as it also pleased him.

How fucked up of you.

Like a teapot used repeatedly, his own spitefulness stained him. Boiled tea eventually left stains in the surface, seeping into porcelain and pieces of flesh alike. Shen Jiu's pettiness wanted to let it steep just to give Yue Qi something to genuinely agonise over.

What would A-Yuan think?

Shen Jiu must have laughed out loud because Yue Qi's face was filled with confusion.

Who cared what A-Yuan thought anymore. Evidently what A-Yuan thought wasn't for the best. His desires for proving himself made him weak-minded, easy to manipulate and naive. Shen Jiu had noticed that the moment his eyes watered in a moment of weakness during their fight, A-Yuan's fight had left instantly. Even as he was being shoved around, he gave up just to stop Shen Jiu from crying. It was unbelievable, infuriating and addicting all at once. 

The world despises giving me even a drop of power, while A-Yuan slit his wrists and offers litres of it for free.

“How has A–Shen Yuan been?” Yue Qi began.

Shen Jiu cocked a brow. “He's upset at the moment. I have forbidden him from going to any more nighthunts. He'll come to understand my side soon.”

Yue Qi nodded and sipped his tea again. “I understand. I've also been rather apprehensive about Shen Yuan’s situation. I remember how he used to be– how he still is. It's fortunate that he ended up at the scholarly peak, where combat is valued but not the epitome of one’s worth.”

Shen Jiu paused, a contemplative hum coiling on his tongue. He'd forgotten how similarly they both viewed A-Yuan.

Perhaps…

“You truly believe that?”

“Of course.”

Shen Jiu decided to slip more information out to test the waters. “I told A-Yuan and he said the opposite. He believes he isn't fragile and that I'm being unreasonable.”

Yue Qi's lips quirked upward. “He's lived a life with his body failing him, now he overcompensates his abilities to soothe his anxieties about being a burden.”

Shen Jiu found himself contemplating the words. He was surprised to find a common ally within Yue Qi, though it shouldn't have been overly surprising. This man was the first person Shen Jiu had ever been able to bond with, and that had been for a reason.

He'd forgotten their childhood, before the incident. Qi-ge had been protective, and although he was much nicer to the other orphans compared to Shen Jiu, he was also always willing to put him first. He always, no matter how much he tried to be equally nice, came back to Shen Jiu in the end. Through thick and thin, he used to always be there for his ‘Xiao Jiu’. Perhaps his jaded views now had made him forget all of this. That was originally why he'd taken his continued absence as a personal grievance. A betrayal he'd never forget, nor forgive.

Now that view had been shattered he'd find himself reviewing those memories with a different kind of lens. Not with bitterness and resentment but rather with the skillset of a… what, a manipulator? Was that what he was now? Wu Yanzi certainly tried to make Shen Jiu as bad as he was, and maybe he succeeded in the end. For, why else, did he view this change of opinion of Yue Qi as an opportunity? Not to renew a nostalgic bond, but rather, a chance to gain an ally in a warfare. A battle to the top.

Yu- Qi-ge agreed with him. He'd always agree with him in the end, desperate to regain his precious Xiao Jiu’s trust.

And if, deep down, he did feel pleased about having Yue Qi again because he missed him, he did not admit or acknowledge it.

Whatever doubts he'd faintly had about being wrong on the matter disappeared. Shen Jiu felt reinvigorated about his stance toward Shen Yuan. He looked up at Yue Qi and smiled, taking a sip from his bittersweet, lukewarm tea. Shen Jiu chose his next words carefully. “I haven't forgiven you for past grievances, but I suppose if you were to assist me, I'd be inclined to do so much quicker. Trust needs new foundations if it's to be rebuilt, after all.”

As he calculated, Qi-ge's eyes lit up with hope. Like fireworks of emotion exploding, he looked just about ready to do anything for Shen Jiu.

“Help with what?”

Just like old times.

This feeling was one he hasn't felt in so long. Not trust, exactly, but a willingness to depend on someone else other than A-Yuan. A willingness to let someone understand his innermost thoughts and trust them just enough to listen to their opinions. Of course, if it was anyone, it would've always been Qi-ge. To find him here, years later, was fate toying with him once more.

Yue Qi wasn't an enemy to him, yet a pawn would be the incorrect term here. He likely knew Shen Jiu was manipulating him but didn't care, Yue Qi was many things and intelligent one of them. Shen Jiu wanted to laugh at that. He remembered his childhood with the boy and fondly smiled. He had always been like this since the start. Like an obedient dog that didn't care if it wasn't on the same level as its owner as long as it could have company.

He could make this work. He would make this work.

“What would you recommend I do then?”

Yue Qi looked surprised that he was being granted the ability to give advice. He contemplated for a long moment, then nodded to himself. “You don’t want him to go out on night hunts, but he does. Perhaps he feels useless staying on the peak by himself.”

“Useless?” He supposed that made sense, A-Yuan seemed horribly insecure because of his abilities. That might be why he’s trying to overcompensate now by putting himself in danger. “Get to the point, what do I do about it?”

“Make him understand that there's no need to be insecure about his own abilities. He is not a burden, but I'm certain that's what he thinks.” Yue Qi spoke with conviction but stopped with a flush. He must’ve heard how bossy he sounded. He quickly wilted, looking up at Shen Jiu for reassurance. Yue Qi took a long sip of his tea, nose wrinkling at the bitterness once more. Still, he didn’t reach for the sugar.

Shen Jiu pondered on this for a moment. A-Yuan did have talents, he was a good mediator, he often was able to gain anyone’s trust, and given enough time, he could learn nearly anything. Those were valuable yet they weren’t want A-Yuan focused on. Shen Jiu needed to somehow make him value those assets, while letting go of the idea of being a cultivator of combat and swordsmanship. He idly let his finger slide over the porcelain in his palm, thinking intently.

“How would I do that?” He watched Yue Qi’s face shift.

“Ah… well, you could discuss his role in the future at your peak.”

“I've already mentioned him being a teacher.”

“Was this before or after you forbade him from going out?”

“...I see your point. He would view it negatively after that.”

Yue Qi nodded and set his empty cup down. “I hope I managed to help you.”

Shen Jiu spent a while mulling over the information given to him.

He would make A-Yuan feel less insecure in his own skills, while also making him accept his physical setbacks. Make him understand that there's no need to be self-conscious about his reliance on Shen Jiu– after all, Shen Jiu desired to be needed. If he was needed, he'd never be abandoned. Not that A-Yuan knew this, and Shen Jiu would never give up that knowledge. He felt pathetic enough as it was, like a wounded animal hiding wounds to appear strong. It was an uphill battle, but he's gotten used to trekking at this point.

Of course, the question now was how to get A-Yuan to accept his situation.

Over time, he could break down that false sense of safety and, as a result, he'd be more amenable to Shen Jiu's perspective. A-Yuan couldn't leave then, by either choice or death. Then he'd listen. Then he’d understand what Shen Jiu was telling him. But that would require careful orchestration. If Shen Jiu was too forceful, then that stubborn nature within A-Yuan would naturally fight back.

Shen Jiu would have to be careful in his approach. But he knew he was quite capable of doing that. A-Yuan might be intelligent in certain aspects but he was oblivious where it counted. His desire to see the good in Shen Jiu outweighed the obvious intentions he often pushed back onto A-Yuan. It was like a game of tug-of-war, except A-Yuan didn’t seem to register that the rope was even being pulled.

“Qi-ge, would you help me with something else?”

Yue Qi lit up at the nickname, immediately nodding.

“A-Yuan will be wanting to fix the issue with his meridians, get me a blank manual.”

“Why does it need to be blank?”

“Isn’t it obvious? I’m going to write it myself. It doesn’t matter if it actually works, he just needs to feel like he’s improving so he stops focusing on it.”

Yue Qi looked slightly hesitant, but he still agreed in the end. As expected.

Shen Jiu smiled at that victory.

“Tell me about your time here. Before A-Yuan and I arrived.”

Yue Qi's eyes widened, brightening. 

This time, Shen Jiu had no ulterior motive. He just wanted to get to know an old ally a little more. The rest of the visit went by with Yue Qi explaining when he first arrived and his climb to being the Head Disciple of his peak. It was admittedly pleasant to hear. Their two paths had split and returned, and to learn that Yue Qi still acted the same during their time apart that he did as children soothed a part of Shen Jiu that he didn't know was agitated.

At the end, Shen Jiu hesitated at the door.

“Xiao Jiu?”

Shen Jiu shook his head and turned around. “I need you to look into something for me.”

“Anything.”

“I need you to find out what happened to my parents.”

He had an inkling he wanted proven. He wanted to know once and for all, if he and A-Yuan were truly brothers. It seemed bizarre, their appearance screamed so. They were so unmistakably identical that they got confused for one another often. How else would that be possible unless they were related? It could’ve been chance, sure, but Shen Jiu did not have the luxury of assuming coincidences in his life, not when everything seemed to be carefully planned out to hurt him. From what he knew of ‘Shen Yuan’ and his past: he had no knowledge of parents or relatives, no knowledge of the strange core in his chest that stored qi like a well, or even what he'd been doing before going into Shen Jiu's town and meeting him there. It was like he just… appeared . Like he'd been brought there for some purpose. When Shen Jiu was young, he wondered if some other orphan planted Shen Yuan there to get him to lower his guard. He’d been suspicious then, but then they had been taken, and that started a downward spiral. From then on, Shen Jiu knew with absolute certainty that Shen Yuan and his encounter had not been orchestrated with his downfall in mind. But even then, and even now, he always had a strange feeling about their true connection. There was only so long he could ignore it, and now, out of immediate danger, he felt himself starting to process how he actually felt toward Shen Yuan. It was terrifying, to be so attached to someone and now that he thought about it fully, he didn’t even know where A-Yuan came from.

Now he had the resources to find out.

And if they were not family then just where did Shen Yuan come from?

Shen Jiu used to be fine not knowing. They looked like family so they must be. Child’s thinking. Yet now, he felt his heart changing. There was a foreign sensation churning, a quiet awakening of something he'd never been willing or able to give and it scared him. He had no issues about social stigma– he's murdered and stolen, after all. But what he felt, he knew that he'd have to find out who Shen Yuan was before ever pursuing it. Not because he was worried what others would think, but because he knew his own mind and it would never let him forget that he was unaware. Shen Jiu required knowledge to feel in control, after all.

After seeing Yue Qi nod at his strange request, he left.

He spent the day lost in thought, and when the day was lost in turn, he found himself sitting on his bed and gently thumbing the pages beneath his fingertips. He made sure to stay quiet, staring silently at the empty white while pondering on the future consequences of this night’s events.

I have to do this.

While A-Yuan slept, Shen Jiu began to write in the empty pages. He wrote meaningless tips and tricks, ramblings that led to nowhere. Nothing that would damage, but it would certainly lead to nowhere. A-Yuan-- no, anyone could spend decades on this book and it would lead nowhere. But how long would something like this work for? What if, after a year or two, Shen Yuan caught onto the truth behind this? He would suspect Shen Jiu, even someone as naive as him would be able to put two and two together. If that happened, then Shen Yuan might genuinely be angry enough to leave, either that or never trust Shen Jiu again. That was a terrifying thought, and his pen stilled above the paper in a moment of hesitance.

He shouldn't do this.

This was wrong.

Shen Jiu shook his head.

No, this would be going too far.

No, this is to keep him safe.

No, no, this is to keep him next to you.

And next to me is the safest place he could be.

His mind supplied his own fears as evidence that he should. Fears of Shen Yuan succeeding and then being able to leave. Fears of him overestimating his abilities and then getting hurt– killed even. Shen Jiu would not let that happen.

Who decides when something is too far?

“If his life came at the price of you hurting him, why not do it?”

He went still, eyes going wide. He could almost feel Wu Yanzi's hot breath on his neck. He could feel the presence of that man hovering above him, hands on his shoulders and whispering into his head. Shen Jiu’'s fingers flew up to his shoulders and dug into his own flesh. He hung his head and hoped that the ghost haunting him couldn't see his terrified expression. He was sick of feeling terrified, feeling on the verge of collapse, feeling like he was about to snap. He shuddered and struggled to breathe. His teeth gritted and his lips and chin trembled. Every now and then, his face twitched and twisted into that of a scared child, before being rapidly replaced by rage. It was an endless battle of fighting instincts and thoughts.

Would I hurt him?

The hands on his shoulders dug into his skin.

It hurt.

Should I hurt him?

Nails sunk beneath his flesh and into his nerves.

It hurt.

If it saved him then surely it's for the best even if it hurt him. 

Nails scraped over bones.

Should I?

Bone marrow sliced.

I should.

The hands yanked out of his body.

Shen Jiu quietly gasped, eyes glued to the paper. It was taunting him. An ink spot formed where his pen sat. A gaping, expanding darkness. Tendrils crept on the paper, allowing for the ink to spread. There was a wet, glistening sheen to it. Like blood. Or the moving organs of a butchered animal. It had a life of it's own. Moving. Growing. Taking.

I can't go back, even if A-Yuan hates me. Yes. I have to. They were right. He was right. I'm just like him in the end. A beast. I don't deserve to live without guilt.

Wu Yanzi's presence dimmed, but not before offering past words like they were an antidote to all his internal conflicts.

“It's all up to you, Shen Jiu. I've told you what you need to do.”

He supposed that was true. Wu Yanzi had seen the darkness in him and decided to nurture it. In the end, no one was forcing him to do this. No other hand held this pen except his own. He was causing the hole to expand. A cavity rotting away his insides until inky darkness was all that was left. If he cut his hand, would he bleed the same colour as the pen? Would he even bleed at all? Maybe by the time he's wounded, the cavity would've rotted away all his organs. His veins and nerves. He'd never even feel it. Like a real monster.

He might not have chosen to be like this but he was choosing to continue this now. He could get up, curl up against A-Yuan and go to sleep.

But his body wouldn't let him. 

Instead he wrote down more and more. He wrote and wrote until he ran out of ink. The pen bled dry. Then, he put the manual into his pillow, where A-Yuan wouldn't find it. He laid in bed, staring at the ceiling. A white streak of moonlight illuminated the room. Illuminated Shen Yuan's glowing face. He slept heavily, eyes relaxed until there wasn't a single crease in his face. He slept peacefully, like there wasn't anything to fear in the world. Like a monster wasn't sleeping next to him, huddled close to steal his warmth.

Shen Jiu closed his eyes. Perhaps it was better that he did feel a bit of guilt. That made him more of a human.

 

---

 

A few days later, Shen Jiu was wandering around the peak looking for A-Yuan.

They would be late for his appointment with the Qian Cao Peak Lord if they didn’t leave soon. Shen Jiu should’ve expected this, really. A-Yuan hated going there, it was obvious in the way he grimaced whenever it was mentioned, or the tightness in his muscles when they had to go there. So Shen Jiu didn’t bother waiting for him and instead went looking for him. It reminded him of the few times they got to play as children, often hiding and finding each other in the forest, usually after Shen Jiu beat him at his strange ‘chess’ game. But in the end, Shen Jiu always found him.

This time, it took less than five minutes. He went to the pond, noticed it was empty, and went to the library instead. There he found A-Yuan, sitting behind a bookshelf and reading. His face was buried between the pages, yet he seemed to sense Shen Jiu entering and looked up with a sheepish smile. “Hello, whatchu doing here?” He spoke far too casually for the guilt in his face. They both knew.

“It’s time for us to go.”

Shen Yuan laughed nervously. “Ah, right! Of course, I completely forgot about that!”

Shen Jiu folded his arms, his fan tapping against his waist. With an arched brow, he then shook his head. “I’m sure you did.” He commented dryly, “Now that I’ve found you, let’s go.”

Shen Yuan sighed heavily and stood up, tucking the book back into the shelf above him and following Shen Jiu outside. He let himself be pulled onto Shen Jiu’s sword and together they set off for the medical peak. The wind was warmer today, but still ruffled loose hair and tugged robes alike. When he landed, he made sure to straighten his appearance out and turned around to do the same to A-Yuan, who rolled his eyes but allowed the pampering. His arms were folded, fingers nervously tapping against his elbow. Shen Jiu stood still and watched him until A-Yuan eventually groaned in annoyance and moved under Shen Jiu’s glare.

The Peak Lord was already there, along with Mu-shidi, who noticed them approaching and went to guide them to the office. The room was vast and decorated far more elaborate than the usual checking rooms. Paintings hung from the walls, the paper swaying softly from the open windows. He tugged Shen Yuan to the chair and made him sit down. The air smelled of incense and medical herbs, a mix of bitter and floral that made A-Yuan shiver.

“Alright then, thank you for coming.” The Peak Lord said with a curious smile, he seemed to thrum with excitement as he picked up a brush and walked over to Shen Yuan. Shen Jiu stood to the side of him, keeping his eyes sharply on the man.

It started off simple. They really only wanted to check on Shen Yuan’s meridians, yet as the assessment went on, the man’s face twisted with confusion and then bafflement. Shen Jiu felt himself get tenser with every passing minute of silence, until the doctor eventually pulled back and frowned, though his eyes shone like he was enjoying a mere puzzle. “Magnificent… your core is… I had only delved minimally last time, but now, going through it again I must say, this is outstanding.”

Shen Jiu felt himself bristle and watched as Shen Yuan deflated a little, his eyes sinking to the floor. “Ah, is that so? What did you see?”

“It’s like an abyss. Well, not exactly-- it’s difficult. On a closer inspection, the core itself is not endless, yet it seems to be connected to something that is.”

They both squinted at him, trying to understand his ramblings. After sensing that he wasn’t getting to them, he sighed and pulled out a piece of paper, laying it on a book on his lap. He hurriedly drew a small box. “It’s like a room, four walls and contained. Now imagine that room is floating in the abyss.” After looking up and getting an affirmative nod from them both, he scribbled out a wall. “Now, imagine that the room only has three walls. It’s still one room with limited space, but it is open to something endless. Your core, in short, is attached to something.”

“Some thing?” Shen Yuan trailed off, and murmured softly. “Or could it be some one?”

“Do you have someone in mind?”

“No, I don’t.” Shen Yuan shook his head, his skin ghostly pale.

“I see, that’s a shame. Well it’s unlikely someone would do this, but you mentioned you don’t recall how you got this core, right?”

“Yes.”

“I’ll look into it, see if I can find anything similar written down. Any questions?”

Shen Jiu finally spoke up. “What about his meridians? We’ve always known that something was off about his golden core, but we’ve yet to understand what changed his meridians when they were fine enough before.”

“Of course, right! Give me a moment.” The Peak Lord reached over and passed a piece of paper to Mu-Shidi, mumbling a few words to the disciple before excusing him. He turned back to the two, and positioned his fingers once more on Shen Yuan’s wrist. His eyes closed, and a calm wave washed over his face. He seemed to be both deep in thought and in a peaceful slumber. A moment later, his brows crinkled and his mouth narrowed. When his eyes opened again, they were filled with a strange emotion. “They’re not undeveloped… they’ve shrunk.”

Shen Yuan seemed to perk up a bit at that, finally saying something after minutes of silence. “Really? So you know what’s wrong with them now?”

“Meridians function similarly to veins: they carry qi from one spot of the body to another. Throughout the day they cycle endless, and develop as you train them. But structurally, they resemble the branches of a tree. They aren’t hollow, in fact, they’re solid.”

The Peak Lord turned and grabbed a book from a nearby shelf, flipping through pages before handing it to Shen Yuan. Shen Jiu peaked over his shoulder at the drawn diagram before them.

“As you can see there, as they develop, the outer layer--think bark--strengthens overtime and prevents any rupturing as more and more qi channels through them. Your meridians have that exact outer layer. They are completely developed, yet they’ve shrunken to resemble that of an undeveloped system.”

“Why did they do that?” Shen Jiu interrupted, tearing his eyes away from the diagram. He didn’t want musings, he wanted answers.

The man before them seemed to become colder. Not in emotion, but in attitude. He finally started to resemble a Peak Lord. “You mentioned an idea, that your qi started acting up after your near death experience, yet your physical body seemed to flourish from that spiritual damage. To an extent, you seem to be correct, young Shen Yuan. Your qi is being pulled toward your organs, keeping them healthier than even an immortal cultivator.”

There was a flash of an expression across A-Yuan’s face. Something like recognition. Shen Jiu barely managed to grasp the flickering emotion before it was covered up by a mask of controlled blankness. “I see. Can you tell what’s making them do that?”

“I suspect possession of some kind.”

A-Yuan froze. Something like terror formed over his face. It was the instant flash-freeze of a lake, an icy break in calm waters. He seemed ghastly, and the last time Shen Jiu had seen his face that pale, his throat had been in nearly two pieces.

“The qi seems to almost be functioning by itself. But it isn’t conscious.” He started mumbling again and Shen Jiu tuned him out, instead looking solely at Shen Yuan, who seemed to be smiling bitterly. It was almost like he knew what was causing it. Shen Jiu felt himself frown at that idea. Shen Yuan barely kept secrets from him, especially something this severe for this long. So either it was something he didn’t trust Shen Jiu with, or it was something he couldn’t tell him. Either way, he hated it. He wanted to squeeze the truth out of Shen Yuan right here and now, but he held himself back for later. Right now, he wanted to take A-Yuan home. So he interrupted the Qian Cao Peak Lord’s mutterings.

“How do we check?”

“I’ll take him to Wan Jian Peak. We have a sword there that can detect possession from evil spirits. If it doesn’t react… well, I don’t know. I am sorry.” The apology came as a surprise, but Shen Jiu brushed past it and focused on the main problem.

“I’ll come.”

The Peak Lord shook his head. “No, if there is indeed an evil spirit, it will attack us upon being revealed. You will remain here for your own safety.”

Shen Jiu felt himself frown. “I can protect him, I don’t need protection from any of you.”

“You think yourself stronger than a Peak Lord?” His voice rose slightly, just enough to cause tension in the room. When Shen Jiu clenched his fists and hung his head silently, the tension faded just as quickly. “...you may come, but you will remain outside. Is that clear?”

Shen Jiu nodded quietly, bristling internally at being spoken to like that. He made himself stay calm as they travelled to the peak of swords.

He was surprised to see his own Shizun there, who greeted them with a gentle nod of his head. In his hand was a white fan with two cranes on it. One chasing, one following. The beak of the chasing crane seemed to almost touch the tail of the other, yet forever unable to even graze it. Shen Jiu was curious about who made it, as he’d never seen that type of artsmanship before. The brushstrokes were blocky and messy, yet seemed to burst from the fan with a skillful depiction. The fan shut and he snapped from his thoughts.

“I heard you insisted on coming.” His Shizun inclined his head in Shen Jiu’s direction, who couldn’t but flush at the remark however slightly it was stated. “Stay here, Shen Yuan, come with me.” With one hand held out, he grabbed the boy who’d been silent for almost the trip here. A-Yuan looked hesitantly over at Shen Jiu, then disappeared into the building, trailing behind Shizun.

Silence fell, and Shen Jiu paced around the building. He knew the gist of what was happening in there: the Peak Lords were testing Shen Yuan with that sword and perhaps even other tools. All Shen Jiu could do was wait, although he wanted nothing more than to be in that room with him. When was the last time he’d been unable to pursue A-Yuan? Even busy, that was by choice. This was something pushed onto him, and he wasn’t in the position to push back for once.

Minutes turned to an hour, and an hour turned into an hour and a half. Shen Jiu lingered near the door and noticed he couldn’t hear anything inside. He felt himself become jittery. What was going on in there? He hadn’t been told how long it would take. What if something went wrong? What if they were in the middle of a battle right now? There was likely a silencing talisman in this room, so he wouldn’t even be able to hear it. For all he knew, Shen Yuan could be reacting badly. Maybe the evil spirit turned against his body after being exposed. Should he go in? Should he disobey? He-

The door opened a crack.

Shen Jiu didn’t even notice that he was not breathing, blood welling in his palms. The door had opened so minutely and silently that he didn’t even notice until voices started trickling out. The talisman wasn’t operating now that there was a gap in it. He crept closer and peered through the crack, noticing that his Shizun was staring right at him. His eyes, dark as wells, stared at Shen Jiu for a long moment. Then they softened and he raised a gentle finger to his lips. He turned and faced the other two Peak Lords.

Shen Yuan was sitting between them, the chair he was in old and the lower half covered in cobwebs.

His Shizun must have opened the door so he could listen in. But why?

Was it really just out of… kindness? Shen Jiu doubted he’d even be able to tell that anymore. Regardless of the reason why, he listened in feverously.

“--revealed nothing.”

“Hong Jing is never wrong, so Shen Yuan is not possessed.”

“It only detects evil spirits. This one wonders if something else is there, not essentially evil but still present all the same.” A foreign voice, that must be the Peak Lord of this Peak. His voice was gravelly, each syllable getting caught in his throat. It was unpleasant to listen to but certainly had the sound of an old man filled to the brim with knowledge.

“I suppose, but that would be unlikely. Such a spirit clinging onto a child? What would be the purpose?”

Shizun spoke up. “Nothing has been amiss, I have not sensed anything on my peak, ill-willed or not. I suspect that there is no spirit.”

The other two stared at each other, then down at Shen Yuan. Shizun was the one who walked over, getting on one knee and placing his fan on the ground. He stared A-Yuan in the eyes, a hand on his lap. “Shen Yuan, do you know anything?”

“No.” Shen Yuan choked out.

“Is there something you cannot tell us?”

“...No, there isn’t.” The words sounded so fake, but Shen Jiu must’ve been the only one who picked up on it as the three nodded and let Shen Yuan stand up. Shen Jiu knew A-Yuan too well, and he also knew when the other boy was lying. His eyes would get glassy instead of darting around as they usually did. His mouth would momentarily push out, like he was physically preventing them from thinning.

 “Go home and rest, young cultivator. We will let you know if we find anything.”

Shen Yuan faced the door and locked eyes with Shen Jiu. Apprehension flashed across his face and with a flick of his wrist, Shizun let the door close before the others noticed. Shen Jiu backed away as the Peak Lords left. He did his best to put on an impatient face, acting like he’d been waiting the entire time.

“Take him home.” Shizun said and Shen Jiu felt his heart twist weirdly at those words. Home. Was there such a thing? His home hasn't existed since he was abandoned, unwanted by even the creators of his existence. If his face changed, no one mentioned it.

Shen Jiu bowed briefly before dragging a silent A-Yuan alongside him. The ride back was equally quiet, not a whisper or noise from either of them.

When they arrived, Shen Yuan started walking and Shen Jiu wordlessly followed. As he expected, they arrived at the pond by the bamboo forest. Shen Yuan sat down on the pebbles and started to sigh. “Well… that was shit.”

Shen Jiu snorted and sat down beside him. “Was it? It sounded to me like we cleared up a lot of your situation.”

Shen Yuan threw his hands in the air with another dramatic sigh, a few pebbles flew into the air from the sudden gesture. “Of course! It’s always the fault of…whatever.” He waved the air like he was shooing something. “It doesn’t matter since I’m still not going to be able to fix anything, and since you don't want me– nevermind.” It seemed like he was about to bring up their fight but ignored it in favour of staring at the water again. The subject hadn’t been mentioned yet, but it hovered in the air around them. It was a ghost haunting them, chilling their skin yet invisible. Shen Jiu figured that at some point he’d have to be the one to bring it up. But he was more focused on something else at the moment.

That man’s words, although mostly blabbering, did hold information that put Shen Jiu on edge. If it wasn't an evil spirit, it had to be something else.

“Do you think it’s a curse?”

Shen Yuan’s eyes widened and he glanced over at Shen Jiu. He hesitated for a moment, thinking, then eventually shook his head. “I don’t think so…”

“Maybe Wu Yanzi did it before he died.” Shen Jiu pondered out loud but Shen Yuan scoffed and shook his head again.

“I doubt it was him. He went straight for the throat, ahem, so to speak. He wanted to kill me, not curse me.” As he spoke those words, his hand twitched in the pebbles, as though wanting to move toward his throat. “I wasn’t in contact with anyone after that except Mu-shidi, and he didn’t curse me either.”

Shen Jiu begrudgingly agreed to that, despite it being in his instinct to doubt everyone. Mu-Shidi seemed to be reasonable, someone he could almost trust. Well, not quite trust, but perhaps rely on if the occasion ever called for it.

“Then maybe it is possession after all. A spirit may have clung to you when you were close to death and stuck with you since.” Shen Jiu found this to be the most sensible solution, so he was surprised when A-Yuan paled and then shook his head once more, seeming to adamantly disagree with him.

“No, no, no, that’s not it. I mean, wouldn’t someone have noticed if something foreign was attached to me? I’m certain a Peak Lord– even our Shizun, would’ve noticed that.”

“What if it was a strong spirit? Capable of concealing–”

“No!” Shen Yuan blurted out, then paled once more. “It’s not, it’s not that. Just drop it, Jiu-ge.”

Like hell he would.

---

 

Fuck fuck fuckfuck....

Shen Yuan knew something was off with Shen Jiu.

It had been days after that meeting, and everything was just so fucking wrong.

It was obvious in the sneakily thrown glances his way, or the constant crease in his forehead when they locked eyes. But he understood why, how could he not? It seemed like every damn person in the world was trying to figure the system out! They all seemed to know there was something modifying his body, no matter how much he tried to stop them from looking into it. He was a freakshow at this point, and all he wanted was to live his stupid life on this stupid mountain, and maybe go on a few stupid nighthunts while he was at it! But no! That's apparently world ending according to Shen Jiu! It wasn't like he wanted to run away, or compete to be the next War God of Bai Zhan Peak! He just wanted to live! He just wanted to experience new things, stuff he didn't get to do in his past life!

He was tired of this, so, on the fourth day he decide to finally get answers. If he had to deal with this, he may as well understand why. After finding somewhere private --a dusty room that used to be for cleaning supplies-- Shen Yuan sat down and prepared an intense interrogation session with that damn AI.

Okay, so, you can read my mind. You know how determined I am. I am not leaving this stupid room until you give me some proper answers.

[This System is here to answer any questions the Host may have ^^]

If you’re not lying, then you can start by telling me everything I should know about my own body, or more specifically, my core and meridians.

[...]

You fucked up! It’s the least I deserve.

[If this Host keeps insisting then.]

Thank you.

[The User’s soul was supposed to be placed into an already existing character, but something went wrong and that body was still occupied. As a result, this System had to forcefully take parts of your body from your past existence to create something to hold your soul. Because of this, parts of your body weren’t created properly and other parts are completely inorganic.]

I was supposed to be a novel character? Which one?

Shen Yuan thought back to how similar he looked to Shen Jiu, and how they almost looked like brothers. With that thought, a sickening realisation crept into him before the system told him. Still, its words were like the final nail in the coffin, confirming what he already knew deep down in his heart.

[Shen Qingqiu.]

I…I was supposed to replace him? Was he supposed to die?

[Yes!! (,,>ヮ<,,)!]

Then… then this body is partly my old body? But you said some parts are different. Shen Yuan tried to ignore the fact that the person he thought was family in this life was actually the person he was supposed to take over and replace. Would anyone have noticed if that happened? He knew Shen Jiu could be difficult to deal with, so what if people just went with it? The thoughts were painful, so he did what he did best and ignored them.

[Your core is connected directly to the System, it was supposed to be a part of the “Reward System” that would grant you qi and boosts as rewards and purchases with B-Points.]

“Like the three walls.” Shen Yuan mumbled and sneezed, the dust in the air sticking to the back of his throat.

[Correct!]

And what about my meridians?

[Without the Protagonist, the System cannot function to its fullest potential. We’re doing the best we can, beloved user! We modified your meridians to remove the burden of your body, aka: the Immunity Halo!]

“Are you serious?!” Shen Yuan leapt to his feet, blurting the words aloud then coughing. He balled his hands into fists and glared at the blue screen in front of him. Tiny blue specks of alit dust fell around him. “So this supposed 'Immunity Halo' bullshit you promised me was actually just you fucking up my body even more! What will happen when Luo Binghe comes into play, huh? Will you revert it and do it properly after getting your main power source?”

[When Luo Binghe arrives, the Immunity Halo will expire.]

“Expire!? You said... an achievement... you...” He felt lightheaded, leaning against the wall. He had thought that maybe he'd lose it after relearning everything, like a tutorial mode or something. That maybe he'd get a 'well done' and that was that, he'd enter normal mode. But knowing this System, it will just slap the label achievement on some bullshit words and remove it willy-nilly. Expire… Expire… He knew it was temporary, but to think it was just the system fucking up his meridians to keep his body healthy because it was too damn weak to do what it promised! He got scammed. He lost the ability to use his cultivation properly, there might be a chance it wouldn’t even go back to normal when the system redirects his qi back where it's supposed to be, and on top of that, there was nothing he could do about it! He may as well be arguing with a god. He felt helpless. He hated it. He wanted to punch something. Shen Yuan stared at his fists and squeezed them until they trembled and blanched. It took a great effort to make them loosen. All the while, the system was silently staring at him. He looked up at the blue screen and hissed between clenched teeth.

“I hate you.”

He genuinely felt violent toward it. All his problems would dissolve if he could just kill the System. Make it shut up.

[We are saddened by the Host’s words T_T Would you like to fill out a survey?]

How cruel. It's words made his suffering feel like a god-damn joke.

Shen Yuan ignored it and left the room, stepping out into the fresh air and inhaling. He didn’t know what he needed to do, he still felt just as lost as he did before. There really wasn’t anything he could do. 

Chapter 12: The Key to an Upgrade

Notes:

late update, I know and sorry ¤~¤ hope you enjoy! it's almost midnight my eyes are burningggg

Shen Yuan was curious when his Shizun wanted to see him.

He sat in a garden he'd never seen before. Smooth, dark stones embedded themselves into moist soil. The overpowering scent of damp dirt mingled with the incense in front of him. While he waited for his Shizun to return with tea –which he had objected to, insisting he could prepare it himself, though he’d been ordered to sit– he watched the tendrils of sandalwood-scented smoke softly swirling. He felt that his heart was heavy these past weeks. Two, to be exact, had passed since he'd confronted the System only to find out that it had modified his body. He felt violated. Raw and exposed. It had been able to reach beneath his skin, take tangible pieces of his system and control them. His meridians operated under the System's control, and he could only hope to recover their use after this was all over.

Above him, birds chattered away with the wind and leaves. He glanced upward, and Shizun was walking down the stone path. His robes were gently brushing along overgrown bushes and bamboo leaves that extended past a short, decorative fence. In his hands was a tray made from either porcelain or white jade. A teapot, two cups, and a small bowl of thick honey rested on it. On closer inspection, there was also a tiny plate with some sort of leaves.

He sat down, the incense smoke twisting in greeting at the sudden shift in breeze.

“I apologise for taking so long.”

“It's fine.” Shen Yuan hurried to say, half mumbling. “Why did Shizun want to talk?”

“I've been thinking,” he started as he poured two cups. After giving one to Shen Yuan, he took a leaf from the plate and placed it into his own. The liquid turned into a strange bronze colour, “that after what happened, I should be taking your precarious situation into account when training you. I was told about your meridians and curious core.”

He was worried it would be about this. But he was curious what his Shizun had to say, and was stuck here anyway. Excusing himself or declining conversation was impolite, so he picked up his cup and nodded. “Of course, what does Shizun think?”

“You cannot wield swords like normal cultivators, as any qi you use disrupts the… current flow of them. I heard from Shen Jiu that you lost feeling in both your arms.” Shizun explained and Shen Yuan wilted slightly at the reminder. “But, when it comes to talismans, you can use them. My Shidi theorized that small disruptions against your meridian's peculiar methods don't harm your body. It was only because you continuously used your qi that the flow supporting your body was nullified.”

Throughout the entire explanation, Shen Yuan felt something akin to hope in his chest. “So Shizun has figured something out as an alternative?”

His Shizun smiled and nodded. “Talismans are used in combat often, but because the Qing Jing Peak values the four arts, martial arts takes up a big focus in combat training. But I am willing to give you personal lessons in crafting and activating talismans that aren’t in the normal lessons.”

Shen Yuan's eyes were watering slightly, but he was able to blink them dry before speaking. He took a sip to dampen his dry mouth. “This one would be honored if Shizun took time out of his day to offer his knowledge.” He then bowed, hands trembling from excitement.

“No need for formalities. I have… never felt quite comfortable with them.” His Shizun was smiling when he raised his head, in the process of mixing more of those strange leaves into his tea.

“What are those?” Shen Yuan blurted out, then blushed from mortification at his crude words.

His Shizun only laughed softly. “These leaves are to assist me in preparation for my ascension.”

“You– You're leaving soon?!”

“‘Soon’ would be a difficult word to use. It could be as soon as three months or as far as three years. We can never predict the exact time, but will feel when the time draws near. These are merely a few herbs to help prepare my body, hence why I haven't offered you any. Unless you plan on ascending anytime soon?”

Shen Yuan laughed, realizing this is the first time he heard his Shizun make a proper joke. “Of course, this one apologises for being nosy.”

“If you insist on apologizing, then I will accept it. As for the lessons, we will start in this garden in two days. Will you want to tell your brother or shall I?”

Shen Yuan felt his excitement dwindle as he knew how Shen Jiu would react to this. He'd probably be upset that Shen Yuan agreed without discussing it with him first. But this was his Shizun! He was not about to say no to such an offer! His face must've fallen, for Shizun spoke up.

“Did you two fight?”

“H–Huh? What? Oh, no, we didn't fight. Just, well, differing opinions is all.”

“May I offer some advice?” His Shizun spoke up and after Shen Yuan hesitantly nodded, he continued. “I see that young Shen Jiu is plagued by heart demons. I know that you both were with Wu Yanzi for a long time, and that Shen Jiu had to become his apprentice to survive.”

How long ago that feels… almost like a past life.

“Indeed.”

“I see in him a terrible affliction: that of insecurity. I have tried to talk to him but he is defensive, I pray you are less than he. His personal affairs are his own, but he will be the next Peak Lord, and my peak is important to me. I hope you guide his emotions into the correct currents, you are his anchor.”

“I… of course. I promise to do as you ask.” Shen Yuan stood up and bowed.  He'd been so upset that Shen Jiu was being overprotective and controlling that he'd almost forgotten why Shen Jiu was like that to begin with. The scarf he wore on his neck felt itchy, and he felt like he was being choked as he breathed in. “Forgive this one for asking, but why tell me all this?”

His Shizun sighed. “I must admit, I do indeed have ulterior motives for sharing all this with you. Normally only the Head Disciple learns when the ascension preparations have begun. But I have been observing you two for some time. You are close, which is understandable considering all that has occurred, but I want you to know that you can talk to me. I am not an untouchable person as others might believe, and I will listen to you anytime you need.”

“Oh… thank you.” Shen Yuan's face was bright red. Did he just get offered therapy sessions or something? Did he look that depressed? He had other people to talk to! Like… like Shen Jiu! And Yue Qi! And… and… shit, he needs to talk to more people! Did Mu Qingfang count? Probably not, they barely talked.

Shizun stood and withdrew a fan from his sleeve. “I shall walk you out.”

The walk through the narrow stone path was silent, but still pleasant. It was awkward, sure, and Shen Yuan spent the entire time lost in thought, staring at the fabric of Shuzun's back. His robes were entirely silk, none of that polyester nonsense back on Earth.

Shen Yuan felt unsure about the whole thing. It was a while since he had someone else to depend on other than Shen Jiu which, now that he truly thought about it, was unhealthy for the both of them. He kind of already knew that, but it’s something he ignored. He was starting to get drained when it came to Shen Jiu, which he felt guilty for, but he wondered if Shen Jiu was also getting drained while acting like a helicopter parent. If Shen Yuan could just find a way to protect himself, maybe Shen Jiu would trust him more.

Maybe he likes it.

The thought was abrupt and it had him shaking his head. Of course he didn't! But, it didn't leave his mind, and even had him second-guessing his entire dynamic with the other man. Shen Qingqiu in the novel had been demanding and controlling, so maybe this Shen Jiu enjoyed lording over Shen Yuan. No– he tried not to compare him to the novel version. This man was not like that character, he was more fleshed-out, not one-dimensional words on the screen.

But the thought stuck.

If that was the case, then he would have a lot cut out for him in the near future. Not just in becoming more independent but convincing Shen Jiu it was for both of their benefits. Shen Yuan did have some hope that once Shen Jiu became the Peak Lord, his desire to boss people around would extend to everyone else and he'd loosen on Shen Yuan after being preoccupied with his disicples.

He thought until they stopped walking.

Shizun excused him and he bowed deeply. “Thank you for caring about us, especially Shen Jiu… he's in need of more people in his life that care. I'm worried for him.”

“It's my pleasure, you are my disciples.”

“O- Of course…” Shen Yuan flushed once more and nodded, before leaving.

 

---

Yue Qi enjoyed flying.

There was something freeing about being so high in the sky with only oneself for company. Free from all distractions… all expectations from others. The sole pillar of reality being the sword under his control. There were no veiled words up here to analyze, no rude people to maintain partnerships with or wonder if someone sees his unruffled demeanour as something to exploit. People seemed to think his kindness was a weakness when, in reality, he merely liked to keep things simple and neat. Unnecessary cruelty made things complicated, grudges muddled what could be clear waters.

He likened himself as a person who enjoyed simple things, which would make someone all the more confused if they learned how much he liked Shen Jiu. A man who, by all accounts, was the most complicated, confusing human possible. A man who hid his face behind masks upon masks; his words behind veils upon veils. Somehow, he had captured Yue Qi's heart and kept it with him for every year his mind knew his face. Maybe that was why he was willing to do anything for him, maybe that was why he was here in the first place. The wind and clouds his only companions. And even those were fleeting. 

He inhaled and closed his eyes, trusting his senses, and let his mind wander to a certain face. Shen Jiu was an enigma to many people, but not to Yue Qi– no, he was as familiar with the man as he was with his own palms. He closed his eyes at night and he dreamed of crude and cruel smiles. He stared at himself in the mirror and saw the scowling hatred he met when they first reunited.

His dreams turned nightmares.

It was a younger face.

Staring up at him through bars, a scarily thin face filled with trust and hope –and it hurt to wonder, but was that the last time he saw hope on Xiao Jiu’s face?- listening to every word Yue Qi spilled from his foul mouth. Promises of a rescue. Promises and dreams of being the knight in shining armor. Yue Qi often protected Xiao Jiu while on the streets, but he could never fix their situation. It was akin to cleaning a wound but never healing it. But becoming a powerful cultivator? Breaking those walls and rescuing Xiao Jiu and A-Yuan?

It was a dream, and like most dreams, it did not come true.

But Shen Jiu had forgiven him!

Forgiven? That was perhaps too strong of a word. Yue Qi knew quite well how broken the trust was between them. He knew quite well that Xiao Jiu saw him as a tool and not an ally. But that was up to him to prove now. He wasn’t there before, but he was now, and he’d prove he could be an ally once more. So, of course, he didn’t mind the idea of being used. Especially if it was Shen Jiu of all people, the one person he would die for.

Which was why he was here. Sent off to locate Shen Jiu and Shen Yuan’s parents. And he was certain he found the right people. He just needed to see them to confirm. It was not easy finding a couple who fit the decision. Many mothers and fathers lose their children: by death, stillbirths, or kidnappings. How many of those were actually cases of abandonment could never be fully calculated. And since most people would never admit to discarding their own children, it was also difficult to link orphans to their parents, if they were still alive.

But this had been for Xiao Jiu, so he had poured all his time and effort into this. Neglecting his health and sleep, he had spent so long asking around about a couple who had lost twins, or if anyone in the area of their hometown had been secretive about a pregnancy or an unexplained, self-claimed stillbirth.

It was there he thought he found Xiao Jiu and A-Yuan's parents.

Poor farmers, they were. Which was all the more strange, as however poor they might’ve been, most farmers were happy to raise their own children to help out. A pair of extra hands was invaluable, so to think that these two abandoned two children for no reason made little sense. But according to gossiping elders who were happy to chat after some sweet-talking, these two had twins that died on the night. There was no burial, no funeral to mourn the deaths. Which set off alarms in his head. So he decided to fly there and find out.

Seeing the farm in sight, he lowered himself from the sky and landed on the dirt-packed ground. It was firm and tough under his already aching feet, yet he brushed the feeling off and walked towards the house. Yue Qi inhaled deeply and knocked on the slightly rotted door. The place smelled of mildew and wet dirt, a stench so thick it clung to his throat like rotten honey. Yue Qi was used to it, and ignored it in favour of waiting.

When the door opened, a rush of disappointment filled him when the supposed father and mother met him. These weren’t A-Yuan's and certainly not Xiao Jiu’s parents. Their faces were completely different. Their noses smaller and thinner, their jaws less sharp and more roundish. Their hair, although black, curled like shrubs. These weren’t the right people, but when they listened to his excuse of being a cultivator on a mission, they happily allowed him into the building to rest. Although upset, he brushed it off and drank the tea he was given, listening to them talk with a polite smile on his face. A well practiced expression, one so neutral yet inviting it led most people to spill stories and tales to him unprovoked.

Never Xiao Jiu, though.

“--so tough lately, with the dry weather and all. Not to mention, the nearby village has been discussing trying to redirect the river, which would lead it away from us! Do they not care about the people who give them their food? If they think they can steal our water from us, they are sorely mistaken! They’d be the first to starve, as whatever we did manage to grow here, we would certainly not give to them!”

Yue Qi nodded to the man's ranting, eyes flickering to the woman occasionally.

“It must be difficult, trying to explain that to them.”

“Certainly, honorable cultivator! Most certainly!” The man nodded, cheeks flushed from his loud words. “If only they were as reasonable and well-mannered as you.”

Yue Qi’s ears picked up on the door opening. He turned, and met with an old man with eyes as green as Shen Jiu’s. He froze, eyes stuck on a face that looked so similar to Xiao Jiu. Even the hair was straight, though withered white it was impossible to tell what its original colour used to be. Even so, he knew deep down that this was the father.

“Welcome home, Yang Qi.” The man called loudly, his voice boisterous. The father tensed slightly and the smile he offered was forced when greeting the husband back. Yue Qi finally understood when Yang Qi, the obvious father of Shen Jiu, locked eyes with the wife and became slightly softer. A soft flush of red darkened his wrinkled skin and it all suddenly clicked.

Xiao Jiu and A-Yuan had been affair babies. That was why they were discarded. The thought made his fists tighten. These two had slept around and produced children, something they couldn’t accept would ruin their little secret, so they decided to get rid of them. To wrap his beloved in linen and discard him on the streets of some random town along with his baby brother. Who would've known what would become of those children. For all these two knew, they had starved to death and their corpses eaten by wild dogs, or even the starved, disturbed orphans who were too hungry to care about what their hands found. Yue Qi always controlled his anger. His emotions were a living creature that he always had leashed, and in all of his life, he’d yet to snap and let them loose. Yue Qi was filled with an overwhelming rage but he hid it perfectly behind his mild, neutral smile. He nodded a greeting and explained his tale to Yang Qi, who nodded sympathetically, though his eyes kept darting to the wife.

Yang Qi sat down next to him with a loud, dramatic sigh. His chair tilted back and he swung a leg onto the table in front of them. Yue Qi’s tea trembled and a droplet flung out, hitting the man’s shoe. Yue Qi decided not to drink from it anymore, and instead kept smiling silently as he watched the wife serve her affair partner a drink of some alcoholic kind. His smile was lopsided and full of joy, which just made Yue Qi all the more spiteful. He thought back to his time with Xiao Jiu as children, and how it was rare for the other boy to even crack a somewhat happy smile, let alone a curl of his lips.

Yue Qi had a distinct memory, something he had thought normal back then but living as he had for a while now, looked back on it with nothing but sorrow.

He had just returned from finding food, a handful of mushed berries from a nearby bush and some bread that a passerby had dropped and found too disgusting to pick back up. He had proudly walked back to the alley that Xiao Jiu was in.

In that moment, Xiao Jiu looked up, saw the food, and smiled.

Then his lips cracked and bled.

So how could he not be filled with righteous fury upon seeing the father who discarded him smiling so carefree? How could he not feel his heart twist and burn, ready to erupt and burn this whole house down?

Instead, he offered tea to the husband. He gave the man cup after cup until he had to relieve himself. The man, oblivious to the two who were cheating on him, smiled warmly at them both and excused himself. The door closed behind him as he walked outside, a rush of cold air rushing into the room. Not even a moment later, the wife had strutted over to Yang Qi and let her hand slide over his, before going back to the kitchen with a soft giggle.

Yue Qi stood up abruptly.

“Are you okay too? Do you also need to take a piss?” Yang Qi joked and the wife huffed a soft laugh, which was the last straw for him. He withdrew his sword and pointed it at the man. His eyes widened with fear and Yue Qi found it disgusting how much they looked like Xiao Jiu’s, or even Shen Yuan's. He opened his mouth, either to say something or scream, Yue Qi did not know, but he interrupted before the man could get a single syllable out.

“Do not shout, do not make a sound. If either of you want to live, you will answer my questions.”

“O- Okay.” The wife croaked, her fingers tensing around the kitchen knife she held. She seemed to think otherwise and her shoulders lumped. “What… what do you want to know?”

“Did you two have children?”

“C- Children? Of course not--”

Yue Qi dug the blade into Yang Qi’s shoulder. “You should know, a cultivator can always tell when a mortal lies. Their heartbeat picks up, they exhale louder, sweat gathers above their brow and their eyes fill with terror. So let’s try this again, before her husband returns and I tell him of your affair. Did. You. Have. Children? ”

“Yes!” The wife yelped and threw the knife onto the counter, a show of desperate submission. “Only one, a boy. He looked too much like Yang Qi, my husband would’ve known. So I- I--”

“I know what you did.” Yue Qi spat, closed his eyes and inhaled sharply, trying to calm himself down. It was then that he processed her words and their implications. Once he did, his eyes widened and he stared at her. “One? You didn’t have twins, or even another boy later on?”

“No, no! Only one boy! We’ve been careful, we’ve never had another child after that mistake.”

In an instant, the sword was at her throat. “Do not call him a mistake.”

Tears fell down her cheeks. “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I misspoke, I’m sorry. Please don’t kill me, I promise I’m telling the truth.”

Yue Qi’s sword eventually fell from her throat and he sheathed it.

Only one.

A-Yuan’s parents were not these two. But these two were certainly Xiao Jiu’s parents.

He did not know how to feel at this information, and he did not know how Xiao Jiu would react to it-- or what the man even wanted to know from this. Yue Qi had a feeling, one that made his heart sink. He considered not telling Shen Jiu, but he refused to lie to him again. Their trust was a flimsy sprout, something he had to regrow from the ashes of the last bond he burned. This one was budding and fragile. He could not afford to destroy Shen Jiu’s trust once more. Xiao Jiu rarely forgives once, and would never forgive twice.

Yue Qi left, his mind a blaze.

He found himself flying to their old town.

He walked down streets that were both unfamiliar and home to him. His feet carried him over stones he used to trot over barefoot, with blisters and blood stuck to the soles of his feet. Yue Qi stared down alleyways and saw orphans. Children starved and shrunken in. Children watching him and wondering if he was worth stealing anything from. He wanted to walk over and help them, offer money, but he knew that they would run the moment a strange male walked close. So instead, he loosened the pouch from within his robes and let it fall out. One of those watching children would certainly spy it and rush over.

The tiny footsteps behind him confirmed it, and the faintest ghost of a smile came onto his face.

Then the footsteps got closer, and a tiny hand tugged his sleeve. Yue Qi turned and glanced down in shock, seeing a young girl shyly holding his pouch out to him. Her eyes were a striking blue, hair like liquid silver. Her cheeks were so sunken in from starvation, he could see the taut muscles, tense from worry. Yue Qi felt his heart ache, knowing he could do nothing to help every child here. But this one…

He thought back to when A-Yuan stole the wallet from Xiao Jiu, eyes blazing with determination as he bolted from his family to return the money. To try and save them from getting in trouble. It hadn’t worked that well, in the end, but the fond memories melted his heart. So Yue Qi crouched and felt his smile become genuine for the first time that day. Such a strange feeling, to feel his lips curl on their own accord. “What is your name, young miss?”

“Y- Yin Ju…”

“Do you have a family here? Someone to return to?”

“...No.” She whispered hoarsely, staring at her feet.

Yue Qi felt his heart clench. “Have you ever considered a life of cultivation, then? I live on a peak very far away from here…”

…

 

---

Shen Jiu spent a week straight in the libraries of every peak he had access to. Days upon days of pages upon pages of words upon words. It was endless. His fingers stained from ink that stubbornly stuck to his skin. Bags under his eyes that refused to leave no matter how much he rubbed them. A gravelly tone to his voice that made even scared disciples around him cast him worried gazes. Not to mention how much A-Yuan hounded him, trying to get him to rest and telling him no one’s life was at risk. But he didn’t know what Shen Jiu was doing, if he did, he might’ve tried even harder to stop him from researching, because Shen Jiu scoured through every scroll, every book, in search of any mention of any spirit, demon or curse that could explain Shen Yuan’s condition.

There were, by his estimation, three important things to figure out.

If there were any records of golden cores similar to Shen Yuan’s.

If there was any spirit, demon or creature capable of manipulating meridians to the extent that was occurring in Shen Yuan’s body.

And, last of all, if it was reversible.

He decided against interrogating Shen Yuan. It was likely that if there was a creature or spirit, it would be able to observe their conversations.

For now, he will observe instead. He could be jumping to conclusions, but it was better to jump than stand still. Idleness brought trouble. 

He spent hours reading away, eventually being forced to take a break when black spots taunted his vision.

He didn’t end up finding out much, but he had a book on dream demons that he figured might have something important in it. So he took it with him and went to have lunch. There were few disciples in the dining area, the tables practically empty. Shen Yuan wasn’t here, so he must still be finishing the last of his calligraphy lessons. His handwriting was nearly on par with Shen Jiu’s, and that made him almost smile with some sort of pride, as though Shen Yuan was his son or something.

He ate in silence. No one dared to sit with him even as tables began to fill up.

When he heard footsteps nearing him he turned, expecting to see A-Yuan. So it was a surprise when he locked eyes with the familiar brown that haunted him in his childhood. Yue Qi was staring down at him with a mixed expression. He had found out something. That was as simple a fact as could be. He motioned for Yue Qi to follow him, suspicious that someone might try to spy on their conversation. There were already a few eyes on them, some of the disciples unused to seeing the Head Disciple from the main Peak. 

Once they were somewhere secluded, hushed between hallways that held only a faint breeze in them, he turned to stare at Yue Qi. He was impatient. He wasn’t going to take him back and prepare tea, he wanted to know now.

“Well? Is he?”

Yue Qi stared into his eyes with an unsettling depth, like he was prying Shen Jiu’s mind apart. Then he sighed and shook his head.

“No.”

Shen Jiu felt himself sag, with relief or dread, he did not know. Tension poured out of his body and his mind quietened, finally, finally having an answer.

Shen Yuan was not his brother.

This brought about many questions, but he was also surprisingly relieved. What was he to do now? Tell Shen Yuan what he knew? There was a chance he already knew, but there was also the chance that he genuinely thought they were brothers– and what then? How would he react when the truth came to light? What if he no longer felt an obligation to stay by Shen Jiu's side? He doubted that Shen Yuan would abandon him over something so superficial.

“Are you going to tell him?”

Shen Jiu shook his head. “I do not know yet.”

Yue Qi nodded, like he'd been expecting that. “He deserves to know. He's not going to hate you, surely you know that?”

“I do.” He snapped, then sighed. “Where did he come from…?”

Yue Qi looked to the sky, face glowing from the sun. “Does that matter?”

“Of course it does.”

“Why?”

Because my mind won't let me let it go.

“That's none of your business.”

Yue Qi looked like he was expecting that answer as well. He closed his eyes. “Are you curious what your parents were like?”

“No.”

Seeing the relief on Yue Qi's face, he surmised that his parents were just as awful as he imagined them to be. Shen Jiu refused to give another horrible person space inside his head. He had enough ghosts as it was, it already felt like a graveyard in there. He also faced the sun. They both stood in silence.

“I'm… glad they ditched me.” Shen Jiu spoke, prompted by something he didn't understand, but feeling the urge to share all the same. “I got to meet Shen Yuan.”

And you. He didn't say, because he'd already been too vulnerable with him. It was hard to ignore their past. To pretend like it never happened. Especially because Yue Qi had a presence to him that soothed Shen Jiu despite his best attempts to block it out. It was like trying to block out the sun with only one's hands. His skin was saturated with a warmth that penetrated even his most coldest parts. He both hated and longed for it.

Yue Qi looked upset that he didn't get added in with Shen Yuan, Shen Jiu savoured his own guilt at that.

“Thank you.” He spoke and turned his head, already knowing the smile that must be forming on Qi-ge’s face. He left before Yue Qi could respond, already feeling too exposed.

He walked as he thought, his restless mind fueling his equally restless feet. With his back straight and head held high, he walked like the proper cultivator he hid within. Just another of his masks. He found that he liked this one, as he enjoyed the idea that he could act like he wasn't a street orphan and everyone believed it.

He stopped when he heard two voices. Peering past a tall bush, he saw Shen Yuan walking away from his Shizun, who stood staring at his disciple as he left. He was waving his fan, the hand gripping it slender and white. Then, Shizun raised his head and stared directly at Shen Jiu, who stiffened it being caught staring. He had no choice but to walk out, and bowed after reaching the older man. He dismissed that courtesy as he always did, instead gesturing to Shen Jiu to follow him as he started to walk. Shen Jiu obeyed and trailed behind him.

“Your face is considerably lighter today, did you hear good news or such?” His Shizun started and Shen Jiu felt exposed at being that easily readable. After a moment of silence in reply, Shizun casually went on, uncaring at being ignored. “Well, I have good news as well. For one, I will be teaching your brother how to create and use talismans. He will no longer be defenseless.”

Shen Jiu stumbled a step and stared at his Shizun’s back with shocked eyes, quickly trying to recover as he walked.

How would this affect his plans?

“That's… good to hear.” Shen Jiu said and watched as Shizun slowed down until they were walking side by side.

“Indeed it is, I know you worry for him. I also know this won't stop you from worrying, but he needs some self-confidence.”

I would beg to differ.

“You're correct.” Shen Jiu said and nodded.

“I also wanted to inform you that preparations for my ascension have begun.”

This time, Shen Jiu did stop. Flashes of anticipation, anxiety and delight coursed through his veins in rushes. He felt himself smile and went to hide it with his fan. “I see, that is good news for you.”

“Good and bad. I will miss this peak, which is why I must prepare you and Shen Yuan, so I know it will be safe after my departure.”

“...why Shen Yuan as well?”

“You plan on giving him major roles on this peak, no?”

“That's correct.”

“The moment you do, he will become a target if this peak ever falls under attack by demons or other humans.  However, to be honest, that will happen if you don’t. The moment you become the Peak Lord just being related to you will make him a potential target. I understand that all too well…”

“You have a relative here?”

“Shen Jiu.” He stopped and turned to stare down at him. “When you become the Peak Lord, it won't just be him you have to protect, but the entire peak. Every child, adult and elderly here falls under your protection. You must never stretch yourself too thin or those you care most about will die. That is why I'll train him.”

Shen Jiu had been so fixated on Shen Yuan's safety that he failed to include the safety of his soon-to-be peak. But of course he would. For years, it was only A-Yuan and himself. Being in charge of a peak brought not only control, status and power, but responsibilities and danger. And although A-Yuan's safety is his utmost important task, part of that was interchangeable with the safety of this peak. If this peak fell, multiple parts of his influence fell with it. They'd be back to being nobodies. Street orphans.

Maybe letting Shen Yuan learn some skills will be beneficial in the long run. But what about his manual? He could still give it to him. Maybe this as well as learning how to wield talismans will help divert his attention from fully repairing his meridians. 

I should discuss this with Qi– Huh, what am I thinking? I don't need his advice.

Maybe deep down, he wanted Yue Qi's opinions on the matter.

He needed time to himself to think it all over. But this seemed like a situation he could twist to his advantage. It also made him realise how much more there will be to this role of Peak Lord aside from status and power.

“I deeply appreciate Shizun's advice on this matter.”

Shen Jiu watched as he smiled. Shizun's smile was a delicate thing, and Shen Jiu felt vulnerable at how much trust he was willing to put in this man.

All men are beasts.

Shen Yuan wasn't. Yue Qi wasn't. Maybe Shizun wasn’t either.

There was a begrudging trust budding between them, and he was reminded once more that this man will be gone soon enough. It didn't matter in the end, did it? How irritating all these doubts were. He eyed the older man as he pulled out that fan once more. He could see it better up close, and noticed that there were two sets of paint strokes over each other. One was blocky, painted in thick strokes of black–they looked to be that of a child's handwork. Atop those lines were much thinner strokes made with precision, in a delicate silver ink.

“Did you paint that?”

Shizun's smile turned into a mix of melancholy and pride. “I had a little help.”

Shen Jiu held back his curiosity. “Is that all Shizun needed?”

Shizun nodded slowly and dismissed him.

Shen Jiu walked away with a lot more on his mind. Both Yue Qi and Shizun’s words swirl away inside.

He mounted his sword and flew to the highest peak on their mountain. A small temple sat at the top, pristine and empty. He walked to a bench and sat to stare at the sky. Watching the world pass without an objective felt strangely freeing. He was able to think for as long as he wanted, eyes gliding across the clouds with idle interest. The sky was a dull blue. A darkness spread across the clouds that promised rain. Shen Jiu's eyes felt dry and sore so he let them close.

He was indecisive about the manual. Giving it to Shen Yuan meant setting him up for failure, which could backfire in the distant future. But it could also guarantee his safety. Shen Jiu remembered when he was writing it– the chilling words of that man in his ear. He wanted to shiver, though maybe it was the cooling breeze.

Shen Jiu felt unsure what he wanted. The idea of being the new Peak Lord was strange. This wasn't just going to be a new role with a couple new jobs. This was going to be an identity. Being the Peak Lord meant he'd have disciples that look to him for protection, knowledge and support. It meant having strangers know of his existence and treat him with a new set of social expectations and rules. How can he possibly fulfill those expectations, when he couldn't even figure out how to protect those closest to him? He wished he could talk to someone about it but he couldn't. He felt physically repulsed at the mere thought of opening himself up. To reveal his emotions he'd have to peel those protective layers of himself open. He may as well slice his own stomach open before doing that. He'd feel more comfortable with people staring at his guts than his thoughts.

Shen Jiu needed to change himself. Like being an orphan, then the disciple of Wu Yanzi, then the head disciple of Shizun, being the Peak Lord would simply be another mask to wear. Doubts had no place in his head. It was time he started molding his actions to suit that of an elegant, immortal cultivator.

The sky had long since started bleeding red. Shen Jiu found a guqin by one of the tables and decided to improve his mind with music. His left hand simply tapped the strings, emitting a soft, fragile sound.

“Fan Yin? I'm still learning that myself.”

He startled at A-Yuan's words but resumed his song. “It's a balance of force and gentleness. Press too hard or too lightly and the sound is muted.”

A-Yuan sat beside him with light labored breaths. He sounded out-of-breath as he responded. “The wound makes it difficult. I think there might be nerve damage. Who knows, maybe if I pray tonight my meridians will reroute and cure it?” At his words, Shen Jiu scoffed and shook his head, though he didn't hide the smile on his face.

“I'd rather they didn't. I'm not sure if you recall, but you had the heart of a dying mouse caught in a downpour.”

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes. “You evoke such appealing imagery. Is that how you view me? As a half-drowned rodent on the verge of death?”

Shen Jiu stopped fan yin and moved to fuller, vibrant sounds. “I suppose mice have better self-preservation skills.”

‘You–!” A hand jabbed his arm and he laughed at Shen Yuan's incredulous expression. “And what would that make you? A cat? Judgemental, rude and scary at times?”

“I must not be doing my job correctly if I'm only scary some of the time.”

They fell into a comfortable silence. The sun bled dry and the sky darkened. Stars speckled the horizon. They danced to the playing of his guqin. A moment later, Shen Yuan spoke up, more hesitantly.

“Shizun is going to be teaching me how to effectively wield talismans.”

His heart was warmed by the fact that Shen Yuan offered the information willingly, despite looking worried about Shen Jiu's response. He finally stopped playing, hands settling on the vibrating strings.

“I know, he told me. I agree with him, I won't always be there to protect you.”

“Huh? Wait, really? I mean, that's good then! I'm happy to hear that. I really wouldn't want to burden you–”

“You are not a burden.” Shen Jiu insisted. He went to grab Shen Yuan's hand. The calloused wound was warm to the touch and he thumbed it gently. A surprised expression filled Shen Yuan's face and he was so close that their noses almost touched. A face that reflected his own yet was nothing alike. A face like his yet born of different parents. Just where did this man come from, and why did Shen Jiu find himself not particularly caring at this moment? His eyes were such a soft green; young, fresh moss on stone. They glowed with moonlight and twinkled with the stars. They were pools of insecurity, vulnerability and concern. To see reflected back at him every emotion he felt he could not express be so visible on a face just like his was uncanny. But he couldn't look away. Shen Jiu's fingers tightened around that hand, his cold skin desperate to absorb whatever warmth it was given.

Shen Yuan was looking at him like he was speaking in tongues. Like he couldn't fathom being wanted just the way he was– exactly the way he was. He was an open wound and Shen Jiu so desperately craved to keep it that way. What if Shen Yuan became more independent and closed off if he no longer required Shen Jiu? What would become of Shen Jiu then?

Maybe Shen Jiu was also just as vulnerable. His heart was outside his chest and staring back at him. How could he bear to see it grow apart from him?

Maybe thinking of his parents had weakened him somewhat. But for now, he settled on savoring this moment.

“You're shivering.” Shen Yuan stated. He took off his outer robes and gave it to Shen Jiu.

“Don't give me that, you need it.”

“Were you not at Qian Cao Peak with me? My body traded cultivation for the world's best immune system. My organs are probably functioning better than yours at the moment.”

Shen Jiu laughed so hard he threw his head back. The robe was warm around him. It felt like a blanket of comfort and safety, smelling like the ink on A-Yuan's hands and his natural scent. He relented, a moment of weakness he often never showed, and accepted the clothing. “Let's head back then.”

Shen Yuan smiled. “Yes, let's.”

 

Chapter 13: A Lesson to Remember; Lesson One

When Shen Jiu met with Yue Qi, it was beneath an oak tree. With branches so long that they creaked under their own weight, and leaves that stubbornly clung to their home. But like all other trees that weren’t evergreens, these too had to eventually depart. And when they did, their nimble bodies caught by the wind and torn from their homes, they spun as they flew in tandem with each other.

The ones that tumbled downward formed a blanket. Qi flowed from it in a soothing, wave-like motion, which was the sole reason it was even left here. It was one of the only trees on this peak that wasn’t bamboo, and it was also one of the places his Shizun had him use when he needed to meditate and calm his nerves. For those ugly moments when his heart demons would lash out and his consciousness would linger at the edge of sense and a qi deviation. Which did not happen often, but it was still an edge he lived on constantly.

He inhaled and exhaled, his own breath becoming a breeze that mingled in bouts of white mist.

He sat, legs folded neatly and robes fanning out around his lithe form. His hair moved in tandem with the leaves. At least, what was left of them. Most were blanketing the ground under him. Some decorated the guqin sitting on his lap. His fingers trailed mutely along the strings, echoing what he played for Shen Yuan.

They weren't brothers. At least, not by blood.

He sighed, his breath causing a leaf to tumble off the qin.

What now?

“I'm sorry, I got held up.” Yue Qi's voice penetrated the cold air and Shen Jiu only slightly elevated his head to watch the man stumble to sit beside him. He noted the confusion in Yue Qi's eyes upon seeing the absence of their normally already set-up tea set.

“I'm not in the mood to drink.” Shen Jiu started blandly and flicked the remaining leaves off the guqin.

Yue Qi seemed unnerved but nodded. “I see, well then, let us skip the pleasantries. What do you need? I was surprised to hear you request a conversation on such short notice.” He said with certainty that Shen Jiu would only call him if he needed something, and he was right.

“The manual, I finished it.”

At the mention of it, Yue Qi's brow crinkled with guilt, likely at the thought of A-Yuan. It was… difficult to gauge how he felt about A-Yuan. Yue Qi knew that this was going against Shen Yuan's wishes, but he also agreed enough with Shen Jiu to follow his whims. Shen Jiu had no doubt that Yue Qi would obey him, but what if started having too guilty a conscience? His desire to please was greater than his guilt but that could change any moment. If Shen Jiu fully forgave Yue Qi, would he stop being easily controlled? Would his guilty conscience with A-Yuan be too much to bear? It was better to keep Yue Qi at a distance, keep him desperate for approval.

Yue Qi stared at Shen Jiu's guqin. “I see then, that's good then, right?”

Shen Jiu hummed non-conmittedly. “Shizun is going to help A-Yuan. I am… unsure what to do with it now.”

“What's the iss–”

“The issue is that Shen Yuan might become too bold after he learns a few tricks!” Shen Jiu snapped and turned to glare at the near-barren branches above him. “I refuse to let all my efforts be for nothing. It will likely take only two lessons before Shen Yuan thinks himself strong enough to venture out there. To leave me and go off to die like some sick creature!”

The rant felt like fire spewing out of him, he felt cold afterwards. His shoulders slumped and he felt tired and exhausted.

“When's the last time you've had a proper rest?” Yue Qi asked and Shen Jiu scoffed.

“Doesn't matter.”

“It does.”

“No, it does not. Just because you feel guilty and want to pretend to care does not make it suddenly important.” His words were well aimed and struck Yue Qi’s heart perfectly. Shen Jiu's fingers curled around the thickest of strings.

“It's not because of guilt–”

“Doesn't matter.” Shen Jiu dismissed, refusing to hear words he knew were true but didn't want to confront. Yue Qi opened his mouth to protest more but Shen Jiu shut him up with a withering glare, continuing past the mishap. “What does, is now I don't know what to do with the manual.”

Yue Qi seemed unwilling to forgo their previous train of conversation, but yielded anyway. His shoulders fell in defeat and simply shook his head. “You could hold onto it, I suppose. But maybe Shen Yuan will benefit from the confidence. I… went to our old hometown, it made me recall a few memories. Like when he tried to return that wallet to its owner.”

Shen Jiu scoffed at the memory. “I still think he was stupid for doing that.”

“Yes, well, he was trying to do the right thing.”

Shen Jiu reflexively tensed up. “Right, because he's far better than me.”

Yue Qi seemed to realise his mistake. “I didn't mean that!”

“Whatever.”

The mood had already soured. He looked away.

Shen Jiu stared at the branches once more. Despite looking dead, life still coursed through them. He thought back to what that pesky Peak Lord said about Shen Yuan's meridians. How they had shrunk. How they were keeping his body stable. How they acted like they had a conscience of their own, which was utterly absurd. Perhaps Shen Yuan was doing it subconsciously. He may not realise it was his own doing that changed their behavior. If that was the case then maybe he should hold onto the manual for now, see if Shen Yuan figured that out, and if he did, then Shen Jiu would offer the manual to distract him. Shen Jiu's plans felt flimsy, and in turn made him feel just as fragile. If he failed, Shen Yuan would die. He had no doubt about that. He had kept him alive for this long and refused to let him perish now.

In that moment, though his eyes watched branches swaying softly, his mind was transported back to the day of the Immortal Alliance Conference.

He had watched in horror as that knife slid across A-Yuan's neck, slicing it like butter. Blood had spewed from the wound, and Shen Jiu had already killed Wu Yanzi before he knew what he was doing.

His hands rested uselessly against A-Yuan's throat, which was nearly severed. A-Yuan’s head had slumped backward and the weight of it was tearing the wound even more until Shen Jiu feared it would tear. He had cradled Shen Yuan's head in his lap, putting pressure on the cut. His hands would slip from the slippery skin. But bright red blood bled between his fingers, welling and spilling down the back of his hands. It was so warm on his cold hands, a pleasant feeling if not for the sight of Shen Yuan's eyes closing.

This is it, he had thought, I have no one left now.

But Shen Yuan survived.

Shen Jiu looked at his hands, they felt unbearably warm.

“Am I too damaged?” He uttered, immediately regretting the whispered words. He could feel Yue Qi's mouth opening and hurried to put the guqin down and rise up. He wiped his still-clean hands on his robes as he spoke. “Forget it. I'm holding onto the manual. If Shen Yuan fails these lessons, I'll take it as a sign to proceed with my earlier plans.”

Yue Qi was quiet for a moment. He was conflicted between bringing attention back to Shen Jiu's moment of vulnerability and ignoring it like the other was obviously doing. For a moment, Shen Jiu wanted Yue Qi to ignore his dismissal and mention it anyway. To answer his question and comfort him. But, as always, Yue Qi surrendered to Shen Jiu's desires and ignored his question.

“It's a good plan.”

Shen Jiu scoffed and left. Why did he feel disappointed?

---

 

 

“Let’s begin then.”

Shen Yuan looked up at Shizun standing in the door, feeling excited at the idea of finally, fucking FINALLY doing the cool cultivation shit! Outside, he wore a face of pure elegance, at least, he thought he was, though the small amused smile in his Shizun’s face wasn’t making him so confident in that. 

“This one– I am eternally grateful for this opportunity. Thank you, Shizun.” He bowed and followed him into his house. The bamboo walls provided shelter from the bitter wind and windows let the sun through. He saw a table in the center of the room, a cushion on each side and multiple papers and inks set up. He waited for Shizun to sit down first and sat on the other side, staring enthusiastically at all the materials laid out before him. He noticed immediately that the paper had already been cut in long strips, and it wasn't normal paper either. It had the texture of oatmeal, thick and coarse.

“This paper is used for beginners. You already know some basics, correct?”

He nodded and looked up.

“Splendid, then we shall skip that. I will reiterate the four most important parts of crafting talismans. Firstly, intent shapes the will of the talisman, it helps show it what to do. Secondly, the strokes and order of the writing. Intend for one thing but write in reverse and the opposite effect shall occur. Thirdly, the qi you put into it. Some people channel qi as they put intent and words down, but that might be too much for you, so we shall stick with mere activation for the time being. Lastly, ingredients you use to make the ink and paper.” Shizun then picked up a brush and dipped it into the ink. The bristles quickly darkened and he went to write something on the paper, though he wrote it in the opposite order. “Can you recognise this?”

“Yan, that's fire.”

“Correct.”

“Fire in its natural state is always consuming, the mental image one usually conjures during this would be hunger and heat. Now, copy it down.”

Shen Yuan immediately got to work. He was thankful for all those calligraphy lessons as this came easily to him. He copied it down as gracefully as he could. Would fire be thin or strong strokes? He settled for strong strokes. After he was done it dried almost instantly.

“Now activate it.”

He did as he was told and it exploded.

It all happened in a mere second. Fire erupted from the paper, filled the air and immediately burned the room. As that happened, Shizun was already on his feet and activated the talisman he made just moments ago. As it was active, it absorbed all the fire from Shen Yuan's, until every bit of flame was swallowed whole. The room seemed so much darker as it was extinguished, and he winced both from the failure and the lingering heat on his skin.

For a moment he was flabbergasted, then realised that his Shizun was standing and he was unharmed.

Shizun was already straightening his robes. “You did your strokes too strongly, which invoked a more aggressive fire. That is a beginner's mistake, which is why I wrote my talisman in reverse. Can you tell me what that did?”

“It– It ate my fire.” Shen Yuan was breathless.

“A fire talisman written in reverse will become a ‘false fire’, which consumes any fire or flaming material in its immediate vicinity. This is what I will be teaching you.” Shizun smiled then sat down. “Now let's try again.”

And so they did. Shen Yuan practiced over and over until his hand cramped and that strange numbness slowly crawled into his fingers. He quickly picked up on the correct mannerisms while crafting and the intent he was imbuing them with. But after an hour or so, he started to feel his arm going numb again, just like in that well. But he pushed himself further as it filled him with an exhilarating joy each time he did something correctly and his Shizun would smile at him with pride. When was the last time he made another person proud?

Maybe that's why he pushed himself a bit too much, and when this talisman wasn't working correctly, he kept his qi channeling into it. After fifteen seconds or so, the effect was immediate. His stomach twisted in a burning pain that had him wincing and curling into himself. It felt like the worst stomach bug ever, and with a sickening, gut-wrenching gasp, he realised it was the same pain he'd felt in his past life.

He'd just gotten used to not being used to it.

Sweat lined his brow and with each inhale, he found that his heart burned. There was a sensation of fire in his chest, igniting the oxygen in his lungs with every shuddering breath. Shen Yuan’s face was scrunched in pain, and only when a small plume of smoke rose from the paper between his fingers did he let go of his control over his qi.

His Shizun laid a comforting hand on his back. “That was quite good.”

Shen Yuan shook his head and stared at the burned piece of paper in his hands. “It's… it hurts. Not like-- but-- it hurts.”

“Breathe.”

He gasped and breathed out his words. “Every time I redirect my qi, all that pain I’d grown so used to just comes rushing back… And my arm, it’s- it's totally numb.” He shuddered, still panting. “How did I live like that?”

“Humans tend to adapt to pain under immense and prolonged pressure. You lived like that because you had to.”

“Am I going to be in pain every time I use it?”

“Perhaps so. Or perhaps you will grow used to that as well.”

“I hope so.” Shen Yuan admitted in a small voice as he picked the charred, black flakes from the talisman.

“Maybe you've subconsciously caused your qi to fix your body in order to prevent that pain.” Shizun mused, and Shen Yuan felt awful that he was trying so hard to find a cause for Shen Yuan's condition, when it was just as simple as the System's influence on him. But he could never share that, so he'd have to deal with these never-ending theories. At the very least, they were giving themselves answers so he didn't have to, and he could just play the role of a young, misfortunate boy. 

He wondered if he'd always be like that. He was sick of everyone treating him like a little kid. Not only had he been an adult in his past life, but he was basically an adult once more in this life. But people subconsciously link fragility with youth, and would treat him like he was a child because of that. He'd dealt with a lot of that on Earth– people helping him then acting like they were saints when he could function just fine and dandy on his own. But goodness forbid he said something curt to them, or he'd cease to be that ‘fragile little boy’ anymore.

The main issue here was that being fragile didn't just mean being stuck inside on medications and sitting inside all day on a computer. It meant death. It was enjoyable to read about a dangerous world when he was separate from it and it never affected him. He’d forgotten just how bad it was. The original novel had been ruthless, almost obnoxiously so, humans died like insects and bloodthirsty demons were in every corner. Not to mention things like poisonous plants and non-demonic monsters. Shen Yuan had been so excited to exist in this universe, to recreate those fantastical adventures he'd read about for days on end. But now, as he felt pain at merely activating a talisman, he understood he'd never get to experience that, because he wasn't the protagonist. He wasn't Luo Binghe. He wasn't even supposed to be himself, he'd meant to replace the main villain of the story.

He couldn't explain the impulsive combatness when he fought Shen Jiu to go outside the peak. Was it for the freedom to finally make decisions for himself, or was he merely chasing after the ghost of the stories he used to read? He wanted to experience all he'd read. Probably both. The memory of his past life rose up, flashes of days entombed in fine blankets and bedsheets, staring at a screen all day, every day. While his body had failed him, PIDW had not. In those darkest moments, with closed curtains and the world expelled from his view, it had been the PIDW world that gave him new experiences.

But this wasn't words on a page anymore. It was his reality, and reality was always mundane. Cultivation and supernatural aside, the humans here were just as greedy and hateful.

Maybe... Shen Jiu was right. The thought was quiet but all-encompassing. Maybe he was too fragile for this world. A world his soul never even belonged to. He was an unwelcome guest here, and this body was proof of that.

And yet... he was alive. He had died, but he was still alive. Shouldn't that mean something? Shouldn't this be the perfect chance to seize the day, living the adventures he'd only ever read about? After all, what was survival for if not a chance to do things differently?

The ambition wilted as quickly as it sprouted. Shen Yuan had been content enough in his old life to experience things secondhand. Here, he could learn so much more and suffer less for it. Was it so wrong to want a comfortable life without pain? Did that make him lazy? Ungrateful for squandering a miracle?

Shen Yuan sighed and let the talisman fall to the floor. At least the numbness was receding.

“I think you might be right.”

“Are you alright, Shen Yuan?”

“I just have a lot on my mind, I'll be okay.”

His Shizun watched him for a moment, then nodded.  “Of course, I understand. Let's finish for today.”

“Thank you, Shizun.” Shen Yuan stood and bowed. His fingers stained from the ash. 

“Would you like some tea before you leave?”

Shen Yuan froze, then hesitantly nodded. He liked being around his Shizun, who was probably the nicest person he’d ever met in this universe. But he was also cautious, because the more people he got attached to– hah! He was starting to sound like Jiu-ge. He was around a bunch of main characters, so of course they had a ton of shitty situations occur all around them. No matter how self-pitying he may feel, he wasn't going to be able to change much as a side character.

So he accepted the offer and went to grab tea for the both of them. There were multiple sets, some of surely jade, some of porcelain and others of a material he couldn't identify. He grabbed a green porcelain set with white cranes and black mountains painted on. He quickly prepared the tea and made sure to bring an extra plate for Shizun to put those weird leaves onto.

When he returned, the table was cleared of all the talisman-crafting equipment. 

He sat the plate of cups and teapot down. Shizun grabbed the teapot and poured it for him before he could, and he silently scoffed at how smug the older man looked at that. The tea poured and released a plume of steam that seemed to warm the room. The sun had also shifted throughout the training and ran across the floor and onto the table and their cushions in long grasping fingers of yellow. The rays warmed his hands as they sat on his lap. 

He watched quietly as Shizun set up his own weird tea leaves.

“How does one ascend?” Shen Yuan asked and he watched Shizun glance up at him.

“Not every sect will do it the same way. But for us, we will seclude ourselves into a chosen cave and face our final trials. We prove to ourselves and the heavens that we are deserving of ascension from a mortal to a true immortal. After we have ascended, our head disciples enter the cave and retrieve their Peak Lord's robes to inherit the role.”

“Are you excited?”

Shizun smiled and shook his head. “The closer one gets to ascension the more aligned they are to Taoist ideals. So it's ideal to have no connections to this world before leaving it. We must be like the Tao; a room is only useful for the emptiness between the walls, a cup only because of the emptiness within. The same must be for us. I do indeed feel attached to this Peak and all my disciples, but I accept this path with no regrets.”

“Of course.” Shen Yuan couldn't understand doing that. Even back on Earth a lot of the philosophies seemed so difficult to pursue, like those monks who shaved their heads and adorned orange robes. Or maybe he was just lumping them all together– it wasn't like he was that focused on the real parts of the world anyway, mind always lost in fantasy.

“Do you have other questions? You have quite the quizzical expression on your face.”

“Well… if you don't mind me asking, why did you pick Jiu-ge as your Head Discple?” It was always something he wanted to know. His brother was very snarky and off-putting even as a child and even if he had great promise and potentially, Shen Yuan just couldn't comprehend why this man, so sharp and kind, would pick Shen-fucking-Qingqiu.

Shizun laughed hard enough to show his teeth. “I can understand how you might not understand, but I see tremendous potential in him. His aggression is more defensive than offensive, do you agree? All his actions are from the desire to defend, not destroy. At least, that is what I have observed. And that is a wonderful trait, for who will defend my Peak more than someone whose only desire is to protect all that he possesses?  I am not ignorant to his other tendencies, but once this Peak ensures his status and becomes his, he'll defend it with all he has. He'll have to, or he'll have to feel the pain of losing what is his.”

Shen Yuan was baffled at how well thought out he was. He seemed to understand Shen Jiu near-perfectly. He was banking on Jiu-ge's unique tendencies, as he'd put it. He wanted Shen Jiu to treat his peak like an object to own, because he knew how protective he was.

“Are you upset?” Shizun asked with a wrinkle in his brow. “I don't mean to imply that I am only using him–”

“It's fine! That didn't bother me, I promise!” Shen Yuan hurried to clarify. “I was only surprised at how much thought you'd put into this. Which sounds silly, because you're the Peak Lord. Of course you would have!”

“He matters a lot to you, doesn't he?”

Shen Yuan nodded slowly, finally taking his first sip of tea. It was lukewarm and smooth down his throat. “He always tries to be there for me, even if he's a little excessive about it. It's nice, being considered a gift instead of…” A burden.

“Things can get better, they can get worse too; but it is a gift to be alive and have that option to let things change. If everything stayed the same, what difference would there be from life and death?”

“I’m sorry but I don’t really get what that has to do with Jiu-ge and I.”

“You will.”

“Then thank you for trying to help, I will be eternally grateful for your assistance.”

“That is what Shizuns are for.” He laughed and stared at Shen Yuan’s cup. “Are you not thirsty?”

Shen Yuan stared at the cup, which was still half full. He sighed. “Sorry, I’ve been distracted.”

Shizun drank the rest of his cup and stood up, pulling out his fan to flip open and raise just under his chin. “I will see you in two days time, the same time of day as today’s lesson.”

Shen Yuan stood up and bowed, thanking him once more before leaving. As he left the enchantingly warm house, he was greeted with the same winter wind that had rushed him indoors. He strolled through the path surrounded by bamboo and stared at the bright blue sky.

System.

[Yes?]

The Immunity Halo…you said it’ll disappear once Luo Binghe enters the plot?

[Of course! The Immunity Halo is compensation for the System's malfunctions, which will no longer be needed once the Protagonist enters the plot.]

Have you even thought about the fact that everyone is going to be super suspicious when I suddenly become able to cultivate like a normal person again? They’re all convinced I’ll be stunted forever, and soon, I’m gonna just go back to normal. Like, seriously, do you ever think things through?! His inner voice became angry. I mean, come on! Why couldn’t I get a competent AI?! I have no excuses made up, dude! How am I supposed to convince them not to look into a sudden recovery. Especially SHEN JIU of all people. SHEN JIU. The one person who will NEVER let ANYTHING go!

It actually felt quite therapeutic yelling at the System.

After a moment of silence he became restless, when a ding broke the stalemate.

[New Quest unlocked!

Storyteller:

User is required to come up with a believable story before or when their recovery occurs, or -1000B points will be removed.

Timelimit: until the protagonist arrives.]

“Fuck you!” Shen Yuan cursed allowed, kicking a nearby bamboo shoot. It flung out of its hole and went soaring through the air, hitting another adult bamboo. “Fuck you! Fuck you! Fuck you!”

At least he had a long time before then, but seriously, fuck this!

Shen Yuan wondered if he should just let it all go and stop caring. Who cares if Shen Jiu looked into it? He wouldn’t find anything: the system was practicallly a deity (a minor, worthless, shitty one!). The worst thing Shen Yuan would have to deal with is Shen Jiu's anger at being denied answers. But if he feigned ignorance for long enough, maybe he’d just let it go. Not likely. Well, it didn't really matter! He’ll just put it off and ignore it as always! That usually works for him. And besides, maybe if he entered a depressive episode Shen Jiu would give him a break.

His shoes dug into the pebbles and he stilled. His body ached with a terrifying familiar hollowness. It seemed that with the return of a horribly nostalgic pain, it was stirring up all the past emotions like wind whipping up dirt, except that dirt was radioactive and he shouldn't indulge it in the slightest. If his thoughts whispered sweetly that he should stay in bed and do nothing he needed to fling himself to his feet and so something– anything– to ignore the temptation.

At least he wasn't alone in his suffering. He's been with Shen Jiu for so long now and... he's gotten so used to the role of a child growing up with his brother that, sometimes, his past life feels dreamlike. A story he'd made up as he hungered on the streets.

But he didn't want to forget it no matter how mundane it was. Even so, if Shen Yuan acknowledged it, dipped his toes into the fragile surface of those memories, would the ripples distort and wipe them away?

The room was empty when he entered. He sighed and collapsed by the table, staring at the silent guqin in front of him. The body was a delicate white, painted to look like marble. The hets were black, dotting the top section above the strings. Shen Yuan enjoyed playing, even if his hand made it slightly harder. But he enjoyed listening to Shen Jiu play even more. He'd always close his eyes as the gentle music sept into the pores of his flesh, saturating and refreshing. In those moments, he thought back to the scum villain and realised how everyone was so fooled by Shen Qingqiu, with his delicate hands and soft figure. His face sharp but relaxed when contemplating, as if he's withdrawn fully into his mind. In those moments, Shen Yuan feels lucky to be a part of his life, even if it was like hugging a cactus sometimes.

All these past memories… 

He felt an urge he hadn't in awhile and went into their bedroom to retrieve the necklace.

Such memories felt ancient to him, and the pain was only a dull ache in his chest. He tried not to let it get to him but sometimes he'd sit and stare at the jewels and their fracturing light and wonder if he did everything incorrectly. If he picked the wrong choice in every situation he'd ever been in.

‘How does it feel? Knowing your kindness doesn’t amount to anything?’

Those words hurt, even more now that he saw Jiu-ge aging into someone he didn't know if he liked or not. Maybe if he had acted like a father instead of a brother, trying to teach those bad habits out of Shen Jiu –but who was he kidding? That would have never worked. Not just because of their dynamic but because Shen Yuan had no idea how to raise a child, let alone guide their emotions in a healthy manner–  or even just being less kind and more stern.

His fingers tightened around the necklace but before he had the chance to descend into self-pity and doubt, another memory surfaced. It was faint and hard to picture, but it drifted across his mind like a feather on water.

‘One day, I will show you everything good.’

Right… he'd made that promise to Shen Jiu before it all went to shit.

If he spent all this time regretting what would he ever accomplish?

So he’ll figure it out. He has to, because he's the supporting character in all of this. Just a face standing to the side of the important people. It was just a simple fact, his life seemed to revolve around A-Jiu. In a way, he was exactly the same as Qi-ge, a funny thought, as Qi-ge never seemed to talk to him unless it concerned A-Jiu. Not that he minded! He didn't– honestly! Yue Qingyuan was the right-hand man to Shen Qingqiu; two unfortunate peas in a pod. Everyone who read the novel knew this. It's selfish for Shen Yuan to insert himself into that anymore than he already has. 

He thumbed the necklace one last time and put it away, standing up and looking out the window. He heard the sound of a body hopping off a sword and feet padding toward the front door. Jiu-ge was home. He forced a smile to form and turned to welcome him home.

Chapter 14: We're Family.

Shen Jiu did not often venture outside the Qing Jing Peak for personal business.

Yet now he found himself strolling through streets of people. Laughter and chatter saturated the air, sounds of banter and arguing over prices mingling with scents of spices, ink, and varnished goods. The town's marketplace bustled with a life of its own, the embodiment of trade and social exchange. It was unsettling. It was difficult for him to keep an eye on everyone around him, as he couldn't pick out those with weapons and those defenseless, those looking at him because he could be a potential customer or because they were targeting him specifically. It was a blur of colour, smell and noise and he hated it. Though, there was also a freeness in how easily he bled into the crowd. How he could become interchangeable with hundreds of other bodies with the right disguise.

Which is why he'd donned a simple robe and hairstyle. It made most people's eyes gloss over him as he darted between people, his body trying to avoid touching anyone else's. His hands tucked into his sleeves, clutching his purse and making sure he didn't lose it. His sword was concealed, though it would be easy to spot if one was already looking for it. If he appeared too defenseless, he may attract the wrong people. It was a careful balance.

With even steps, he made his way to a store he'd heard from word of mouth.

The building itself was worn, wooden beams rotting and breeding grounds for insects, which he could see squirming within like the building had insides. He noticed that there was no door, and trails of incense crept out in the air. A few charms and beads hung from strings around the doorway, a few of them talismans for good fortune. He braced himself and stepped inside, being hit with stuffy air.

The room was completely packed. Every bit of free space was stuffed to the brim with weapons, charms, talismans and other tools. The ground was layered with multiple rugs of various colours, but he could see the patches of dirt in the gaps and realized that this building had no proper flooring. It was a miracle it trapped heat this well. He felt physically repulsed by the stifling heat on his face. A line of incense brushed his cheek and he waved it away from his face.

He looked to the centre-back of the room and saw a woman.

Her hair was an inky black, pooled into a bun at the top of her head. She stared up at him when he entered, her shoulders not relaxing even when seeing a young person before her. Good. A sensible woman that didn’t take age for granted. Shen Jiu walked up to her. “I'm here to commission a hidden weapon.”

“Are you now?” She tilted her head and the simple motion made her entire body tilt to the left like a puppet. “What kind of weapon?”

“A hairpin, but it won't be for me. I want it to have a talisman that can be activated by a verbal command for a friend of mine.”

She leaned forward until her upper body rested on the counter. Her grey, worn robes were loosely draped over her form like a blanket, held together with only a few thick loops of red rope. Everything about her was loose, her demeanour, movements and even the loosely fitted expression on her lips. Shen Jiu watched her lips twitch slightly– into a smile or frown he did not know.

“What do you want it to do? Poison? Transform into a knife– sword, even? I can make talismans that burst into a blinding light to disorient.” She put an uncomfortable emphasis on the word blinding. She must enjoy that one in particular.

Shen Jiu didn’t want to give Shen Yuan a weapon that had the potential to kill. He knew that if the moment came, Shen Yuan would probably hesitate if someone’s life was on the line. The last thing he wanted was Shen Yuan to be hesitant in a situation regarding his own wellbeing. No, it would be better to pick something that didn’t directly kill or injure people, so Shen Yuan wouldn’t hesitate the moment he had to use it. With this in mind, Shen Jiu leaned forward and tapped his finger against the counter. Throughout all of his internal thinking, she hadn’t looked away once. She barely even blinked and when she did, it was slow and deliberate.

“Smoke.”

“Just smoke?”

“Smoke that puts anyone who breathes it to sleep, aside from the wearer, of course. Can you do that?”

She grinned, revealing a set of near perfect teeth beside one broken at the very front. It had chipped in a way that seemed to turn it into two separate, pointed fangs. “Of course I can. Any design in mind or shall I–?”

“Feathers.”

She blinked, then nodded. Her grin was still there, and he couldn't help but stare at those sharp edges, which shone by the light filtering through the dusty windows. “A lovely idea.”

Shen Jiu nodded. “How much?”

“One hundred and fifty upfront, the other half after I'm done.”

Shen Jiu passed over three hundred. “Make it with haste.” He asked and she seemed taken aback by the brazenness of his order. Though she accepted it all and laughed. “A pleasure doing business with you…”

“Shen Jiu.”

“Shen Jiu. Allow me to introduce myself as Lie.”

He noted the lack of a family name, and instead left quickly after. It felt like emerging from a coffin as the stuffy heat and stench of incense vanished the moment he stepped past the doorframe. The fresh air was a sweet relief to his lungs, and he greedily inhaled it as he paused and decided what to do next. He stared out at the streets ahead of him. There were multiple stalls carved into the streets, and streams of people walking through them. Tarps of various colours gave shelter as he started to walk ahead. Dust lingered in the air, kicked up from all the feet stampeding around. He’d already decided to fly home immediately after finishing his order, but he had leftover money and considered instead to get a gift for A-Yuan now. He imagined the smile A-Yuan would wear at a sudden present and he felt it now necessary to buy something else.

His eyes drifted over each item, wondering what A-Yuan would like. He could buy him another book, perhaps. But the last book he had brought Shen Yuan led to a multiple hour rant about the main romance in it. A-Yuan’s cheeks had been flushed as he ranted, saying that every author in this world was stupid and addicted to papapa. Shen Jiu stifled a laugh at that memory and instead thought of something else to get. Maybe a better set of robes for leisure would be better.

He paused when his eyes landed on a store for silk scarves and ribbons. Shen Jiu redirected and stood before the selection of fabrics. Each had their own color and pattern but he was immediately drawn to a scarf in the lower left corner. A deep cerulean silk for a sky and a dragon in rich, vibrant yellows, reds and greens. It looked exactly like the kind of beast A-Yuan would marvel and rant endlessly about. He would love this. He picked it up and caressed the fabric to assess the quality.

Now that it was closer to his face, he started to be put off from how much blue was on it. He didn’t like the idea of A-Yuan wearing a colour the Cang Qiong Sect had assigned to Bai Zhan Peak. The peaks were dependent on using the different colours to separate them, so every time he saw the colour blue his instinctive response was to scowl at it. He wanted to drop it and grab something else, but his eyes were captivated by the dragon and he sighed.

Shen Yuan really would love this.

Shen Jiu felt it again, the embroidery was well-done and perfectly even, the threads blending together as if the dragon was painted on. He pinched his fingers and slid them, testing the quality again. He was somewhat desperate now to find something else wrong with it so he could discard it without the knowledge that it was because of his grudge. But it was perfect, and A-Yuan would love it.

He ended up purchasing it with the money he had left, folding it up and sliding it into a pocket. It was smooth to the touch, obviously good quality.

He sighed and shook his head. He would at least enjoy seeing Shen Yuan’s reaction to the present.

When he closed his eyes, he saw Shen Yuan's face staring up at him. He imagined A-Yuan wrapping the soft fabric around his neck, hiding the scar underneath.

But he wasn’t smiling.

In Shen Jiu’s hands was his throat. The person in his mind, he had no control of, and he watched with a detached horror as the hands squeezed around that throat and the scar popped–

He withdrew from his mind with wide eyes and quick breaths. But the image was burned into his retina. He’d seen the blood gush out and he felt sick to his stomach. He attracted a few curious gazes as he stumbled from the street and into an alleyway. His hand shot out to grasp the grimy wall and stabilize himself. He was staggering further into the alleyway, his head bowed and his eyes glaring down at the dirty ground underneath him. He felt queasy feeling the disgusting grime sticking to his palm but he refused to pull his hand away from the wall for fear of collapsing. He shuddered and his shoulders trembled.

It seemed that he'd been more affected by their fight than he'd led himself to believe.

Shen Yuan looking up at him with fear and resignation in his eyes.

He had directly laid hands on Shen Yuan in his fury. He had pushed him onto the bed. Held him down, despite how much he was struggling and panicking. Fuck, Shen Jiu felt his flesh on his hands. The phantom sensation of his scar on the pads of his fingertips. His own mind was conspiring against him. The one place he had to himself, and it was now lashing out at him as though he was the enemy; an invader of his own mind.

Would he end up being the one to kill A-Yuan?

He coughed and droplets of blood fell from his lips.

He needed to calm down before he qi deviated.

Shen Jiu sat down on the dirty ground, ignoring the memories it brought forth, and focused on his breathing.

He forced himself to calm down.

He was not going to hurt A-Yuan like that–

—hands around his throat and sq–

–he was going to protect Shen Yuan. These images and thoughts were not his own but rather an intrusive disease brought on from exhaustion and stress. He repeated this mantra until he had himself under control again. He stood up after an hour and went to the nearby stream to wash the blood from his hands. The water tainted pink before diluting fully and rushing downstream, as though the blood had never entered.

He should seclude himself but he didn't want to leave A-Yuan alone.

Could I trust him with Yue Qi?

No. Never again.

You know he never intended to abandon–

No.

He’d trust A-Yuan with no one but himself, even if he was starting to doubt himself.

He spent a few more moments to soothe his body and mind before standing and staring at the water. He could see his reflection, though it was distorted by the currents. A few weeds bubbled in the water. He noted a few insects nestled on the stones just out of the water's reach. Dragonflies, their bodies a long line of emerald green that gleamed. He watched one that hovered above the water and he knew that A-Yuan would've liked to see these little bugs.

With his hands now clean he withdrew the scarf and stared at the imposing dragon. Its maw bared and teeth long and blunted. The whiskers were a dusty white, dangling like eels beneath the jaw, the fur a fine green that appealed to Shen Jiu. He always did like that colour. Yes, Shen Yuan will like this. He'd also liked the thought of the fabric of his choosing being the shield Shen Yuan used to hide his scar.

He regathered himself and stood up. He looked to the sky: A-Yuan would have already finished his lessons by now.

He hopped on his sword and flew back to Qing Jing Peak, landing by their room and walking inside. He smelled freshly brewed tea and heard the fumbling of someone attempting to play the guqin. He walked in quietly, peaking past the door to see A-Yuan sitting with his back to him and facing the window. His hair was completely tied up into a ponytail, falling down his back as he hummed and then plucked a string. He wasn’t just practicing, he was trying to play a song from memory. Shen Jiu knew this by the way he would hum, pause, then adjust his fingers to the correct pitch and pluck. It was not a song he recognised, and it had a strange rhythm to it. He stood and watched quietly as Shen Yuan hummed and played. Shen Jiu shuffled back out the door and sat outside, the door still opened a crack as he closed his eyes and just listened to the music. 

It was comforting. He didn’t want to make A-Yuan aware of his presence because he’d stop playing and immediately bombard him with questions about his day and what happened. Shen Jiu fiddled with the scarf as he waited until Shen Yuan stopped himself. The wind was cold but the music made the bitter chills crawling up his skin worth it. Eventually, A-Yuan stopped, and Shen Jiu stood up and waited a couple moments before finally entering.

Shen Yuan noticed him and immediately beamed.

“Jiu-ge! How are you? Did you enjoy your trip outside?” He started as he grabbed his empty cup and went to rinse it out.

“It was fine.” Shen Jiu trailed behind him. “Do that later, I have something for you.”

“Oh?” Shen Yuan sounded intrigued, placing the cup on the bench and turning to stare at him with curiously wide eyes.

Shen Jiu handed over the scarf and watched as Shen Yuan’s face lit up. A marvelous, bright smile crept onto his face like a sunrise. He pinched the scarf at both ends and held it out so he could see the entire dragon in all its glory. “Oh my g- this is amazing!” He started to giggle excitedly as he let it drape over his outstretched hands. “It’s a phoenix-feathered emerald dragon! How-- where did you get this?!”

Shen Jiu smiled. “A random stall.”

“Really?!” Shen Yuan laughed and caressed the silk carefully, right on the dragon’s head. “It’s beautiful, thank you!”

Before Shen Jiu could register it, he was being hugged.

He tensed, the image of Shen Yuan’s fear coming back to mind. His hands hung stiffly by his side and his fingers tingled from the sensation of flesh underneath them. But then A-Yuan’s body began to warm his, and it felt like the dark ice was being melted from his body. A shuddered exhale left him and he deflated, finally returning the hug with a feverish desperation. He buried his face into Shen Yuan’s shoulder. His arms wrapped around him. His hands rested on his back. It felt like he was trying to desperately prove to himself that he wasn’t like that horrible visage. That he could be a man A-Yuan could rely on.

 

---

 

A few months passed and Shen Jiu begrudgingly watched as A-Yuan became more well-versed in talismans. Although he seemed to be drained after each lesson he wore a smile that Shen Jiu had started yearning to see again, because regardless of how anyone may view his actions or motives, he did want Shen Yuan to be happy. So it was begrudging, but he had to admit that A-Yuan’s mood was considerably higher, and that made him slightly lighter too.

So he let it continue, and continue it did.

Until one day, he was called in to a meeting with his Shizun, and he felt his heart in his veins as he knocked and waited. He breathed in cyclically as he waited and the door opened. The Shizun who answered it made him flush, for he was dressed improperly. His outer robes had been removed and he donned a simple white underrobe. There were silver patterns embroidered into the fine silk, which seemed to be thick enough that it thankfully wasn't see-through. A moment of silence, then:

“Shen Jiu, come in.” He smiled and stepped back, gesturing for him to enter.

The sky had been covered in a thick layer of cloud, so white light filled the room instead of the usual warmth. It made everything seem so distant and cold. He shivered and wondered why there weren't any warming talismans, or even why Shizun was dressed like it was summer. He watched quietly as Shizun walked over to the window and stared out at the sleeping nature outside. “Take a seat, I prepared you some tea.”

There was only one cup.

A cold that had nothing to do with the room and everything to do with the strange atmosphere sept into his bones. The single cup. The undressed state. That expression in his eyes. Something was wrong.

He sat and stared at the liquid, surprised to see that it was a dark red colour. He took a sip and sighed at the warmth unfurling in his stomach; a brief respite against the chill that was slowly freezing over his body. He tried to focus on detecting what was in it, but his mind was hazy with apprehension and the taste of berry felt like ash on his tongue.

“What did you require, Shizun?”

He turned to stare at Shen Jiu, his face empty of most expression. Though Shen Jiu had grown to know him well, and could see the resignation in his face. “By the end of this week, the other Peak Lord's and I will be entering the sacred cave for our trials. When it is time, you shall enter and inherit my status and title, Shen Jiu.”

Shen Jiu's mouth was dry despite the tea. He was expecting a rush of pure exhilaration to finally burn away that chill, but all he felt was a bigger ravine open up in his stomach. The air left his lungs as he shakily exhaled. Peak Lord. Inheritance. Finally. It should’ve been a victorious moment, something that validated all he had done to get to this moment. He instead felt hollow as he responded. “Truly? I am honored, Shizun.” He hurried to bow, teacup cluttering on the table as he rushed to place it down.

“Be at ease. We have much to go over.” Shizun sat across from him and placed his fan on the table. His eyes lingered on it for a brief second before raising to stare at Shen Jiu. “For starters, today will be Shen Yuan's last lesson with me. After this, he will go to Qiu Cao Peak for his last official check-up with the Peak Lord there. There's nothing else I can do for him. He can protect himself now and if my Shidi can find no change within his body, that will have to do.”

“Of course, thank you, Shizun.”

“On the matter of my Peak. I have already shown you much of the tasks you'll take on, but while young Shen Yuan is with me at Qian Cao Peak tomorrow, you will go to An Ding Peak to meet the soon-to-be Peak Lord there, who will show you the deeper intricacies of your upcoming duties. He is to be your Shidi, so refrain from immediately scaring him off.”

“Understood. I will… tone down a little.” But not too much, if this Shidi of his couldn't handle him that wasn't Shen Jiu’s issue.

“I know that this last issue is always difficult for a new Peak Lord, being so unused to being the leader of an entire Peak, but as your Shizun, I order you to put this Peak above your own life.” Shizun stared at the table for a brief second, then closed his eyes. “It is a big responsibility, and each disciple here will look to you for guidance, protection and security. I trust you to keep this Peak alive, but I emphasize the importance of a good Shizun in the hopes that you'll uphold the position of my role with respect. People will look up to you, Shen Jiu, but you must not look down on them.”

Shen Jiu felt himself bristling at his advice. It felt like he was being talked down to. All he ever had was his life. It was the only thing that couldn’t be taken from him, and he refused to give it up for this man’s hopes. Maybe he wasn't capable of what his Shizun was after. That thought made him nearly shiver. This wasn’t his fault. He wasn’t responsible for whatever made-up image his Shizun had of him. He tried to ignore the echoing fear of being like Wu Yanzi, or Qiu Jianluo. He’d be a Peak Lord in his own way, not defined by what others thought of him or wanted out of him. He was not a puppet to be ordered around.

“I will try, Shizun.”

“That is all any human can ask of another.” The words weren’t accusations, or demands. They were a suggestion as well as an acknowledgement of his lack of power over Shen Jiu’s actions. That melted some of the tension that had been building up. Shizun finally smiled and picked his fan back up. Shen Jiu’s eyes followed it and his Shizun seemed to notice, shutting and handing it over for him to feel. Shen Jiu did carefully, gently touching the fine wood spine before letting the paper open to reveal the cranes.

‘’The black lines are rather… novice.”

“My daughter drew them.”

Shen Jiu’s eyes shot up, alarmed at both the revelation and the insult he’d given his Shizun’s child. Before he could retract his words, the man continued.

“It’s fine, I know they’re inexperienced. She was six at the time.”

Shen Jiu looked back down at the cranes, the way their crooked wings swept over the paper, and the fine lines trailing over them like the thicker strokes were shadows cast by the silver. He resisted touching them himself and placed it back on the table. The fact that she wasn’t here already was an answer as to where she was. In this world, the absence of children only ever meant one thing. But the desperate, paranoid force in him--the part that needed to comprehend every possible threat--made his mouth open and the fake question came out anyway. “Is she on another peak?”

Shizun must’ve seen his pathetic attempt at garnering more information, but didn’t seem to mind and answered. “She died over forty-four years ago. A demonic plague escaped from the Endless Abyss and it was compatible enough with us to live in human bodies. She… loved birds.”

“Ah, I see. My apologies for bringing back bad memories.”

“The memories themselves are not bad. Memories are only recorded events, what you make of them is what turns them more.”

Shen Jiu found this to be a foolish point. He had memories that no matter how he tried to look at them would always be filled with negativity. Memories so tainted it felt like each inch of colour and sound was recreated using putrid poison. But Shizun was much older than him, so maybe one day in the distant future he’ll understand this lesson. That wasn’t today, though. His memories would continue to haunt him for as long as he could imagine.

Shizun grabbed it. “As an immortal cultivator, you’ll outlive many people. When that happens, well, if you forget their face and voice then how will you ever know they ever existed? Make sure to treasure those memories, Shen Jiu.”

“Thank you, Shizun.”

“For what, lecturing you?” He laughed and stood. “Shen Yuan should be arriving soon, you may leave.”

“Could I stay and observe?”

Shizun paused, then answered. “That is up to young Shen Yuan.”

Shen Yuan wouldn’t refuse him, they both knew that. As always, when it came to A-Yuan, the permission to oversee him was granted without any restrictions.

So Shen Jiu cleaned up the table and waited by the window, trying to spot what Shizun had been looking at long before he came in. There was nothing but serene scenery. Bamboo leaves swayed in the cold wind. Clouds covered the sky and a white ball sat behind them. He took the time to process all he had been told. He didn't expect to be the Peak Lord so soon, in nearly a month's time. Shen Jiu had been an adult for some time now, having spent many years here, but he knew this would be the biggest step he'd ever taken.

He also pondered on what Shizun said. He didn't know anyone who would age like a mortal, and he didn't want to marry a woman and have a family, so he didn't need to worry about that. No, that was the kind of silly thing A-Yuan would do, and Shen Jiu did not want him to get attached to some mortal who would die in half a century. He'd need to look out for that, because no one deserved to marry him. Shen Yuan shouldn't need another family anyway. He did not need a wife, or any children. He was fine right here with Shen Jiu. What could a wife offer that he could not?

He will even give him parts of his responsibilities as a way to nurture more trust between them. If A-Yuan was insecure then Shen Jiu could just give him things to do and make him feel needed. Besides, it wasn't like A-Yuan was stupid, he'd be helpful.

Eventually, footsteps were heard and there was a light tap at the door, before it slid open. Shen Yuan shuffled in like an uncertain critter. “Hello, Shizun!” His eyes darted to Shizun then Shen Jiu and froze, then a smile broke his confusion and his shoulders untensed. “What are you doing here?”

“He asked if he could watch this lesson, I suggested you decide.” Shizun had already begun setting up the table with paper and ink. Shen Yuan hesitantly nodded after a moment, then went to sit down. “In that case, Shen Jiu, do you need a seat?”

“I'll be fine standing.” Shen Jiu crossed his arms. He noted Shen Yuan's quiet roll of the eyes and resisted walking over to flick his forehead. It wouldn't look good to do that in front of his Shizun after being told to be more responsible.

Shizun stared at Shen Yuan for a moment, long and silent enough to make them both uncomfortable. Then, he picked up the brush and began writing on a strip of empty talisman paper. “This will be the last lesson.”

Shen Yuan's face dropped. “Ah… okay. I’m grateful for all you've taught me.”

Shizun paused again, then clarified. “I am ascending soon.”

“O–Oh! That's wonderful to hear, Shizun!” A-Yuan lit up and beamed at Shizun. “Of course, I'll treasure this last lesson then, is that why A-Jiu is here?” He quickly shot a glance over in his direction, trying to motion him to come over and sit down.

Shen Jiu shook his head. “I'm fine here.”

“Quit acting like a stereotypical tough guy and just sit down, or else I'm gonna stand beside you for my entire lesson.”

With a long, dramatic sigh, Shen Jiu eventually went to sit down. He shot an reactive glare at Shizun when he huffed a laugh, but the older man wasn't offended by it, and instead took it as something else to smile amusedly at. Shen Jiu readjusted his robes and sat on his legs, feet blanketed by all his robes as he stared down at the table. The paper was split into two groups, one coarse and the other smooth and glossy. The ink had also been split into two pots. The one closest to him was a murky brown and the other a bright orange.

Shizun, having finally finished setting up, cleared his throat to get their attention.

“Today I shall be teaching you a talisman that very few can master. And after this, I will also give you something of mine.”

That got Shen Jiu's full attention, which was difficult because Shen Yuan was basically vibrating next to him.

Shizun picked up a brush and dipped it into the orange ink, quickly drawing characters onto the smooth paper. With slow, methodical movements, he put the brush down, picked up the talisman, and activated it. Instantly, the words glowed with a bright shine.

“Can you read the characters?”

Shen Yuan squinted. “The first is fire. The second is skin, right?”

“Correct. Can you surmise what it does?”

Shen Yuan paused for a moment, then he smiled confidently. “Your skin burns to the touch, doesn’t it?”

Shizun smiled with pride and even Shen Jiu felt a flash of satisfaction with Shen Yuan.

“Indeed, the ink has the blood of a phoenix, making it rare to obtain. The ink before you is a diluted form, which will burn people but lacks the ferocity of pure blood.” With that, Shizun picked up the brush and it burst into flames. The fire crackled and feasted on the wood, which Shizun quickly put out by placing it back down. “With pure blood, even the faintest touch can set anything alight, even water. But it is hard to master, and if you put too much energy into the talisman, will cause it to make anything you touch turn to fire.”

“That doesn’t seem like a problem.” Shen Yuan commented and Shizun smiled.

“Anything your body is touching.”

After a few moments, Shen Yuan’s cheeks tinted red. “...including fabric?”

“Yes.”

“Oh.”

Shen Jiu held back a laugh and enjoyed seeing the flustered expression on Shen Yuan’s face, who took several moments of angered muttering about tropes to calm down. If Shizun heard any of it, he didn't show it and instead stood up to walk into his bedroom. Shen Jiu took the moment of being alone with Shen Yuan to talk to him directly. “I hope you’ll practice that one inside.”

“Shut up!” Shen Yuan practically shoved him. “It’s a stupid idea and I hate that stupid…” He became ineligible with his muttering. “Well, whatever, maybe it’ll come in handy.”

“When it’s too hot and you’re too lazy to undress?”

Shen Yuan made the motion to tackle him, but quickly whipped back as Shizun walked back into the room with a notebook in his hand. Shen Jiu had been so distracted with everything else that he’d forgotten just how fun Shen Yuan was to tease sometimes. He sobered up when the book was placed in Shen Yuan’s hands, who opened it and started skimming the words. His eyes widened and he closed it to look at the title, merely labeled ‘notes’, before opening it to a random page and skimming that one. After five minutes or so, he looked up at Shizun with bewilderment. “Are these your notes?”

He nodded. “Everything I’ve learned about crafting my own talismans and sigils, I wrote down in that notebook for safe keeping. I had intended… well, I suppose since I am about to depart, I figured it should finally be given to someone. I hope you can learn to eventually learn to make your own, and I am certain that you will.”

“Thank you… really, it means so much that you’d give this to me.” Shen Yuan bowed so low his forehead almost smacked into the table. “Thank you, Shizun, thank you!”

Shizun looked taken aback by the gratitude and only smiled, somewhat startled. “No need to be so formal, I told you I do not like that.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable.” Shen Yuan, ever the awkward one, started to backtrack and Shen Jiu almost wanted to smack his forehead to shut him up.

“You two should leave soon.” Shizun said as he looked outside at the evening sky. “I enjoyed teaching you, Shen Yuan. And Shen Jiu… do remember our conversation.”

“I will, Shizun.”

After exchanging a few farewells they left, Shen Yuan reading instead of looking where he was going. It seemed he had flipped to the very end of the book, perhaps curious what was there, and paused. “Huh, there’s a name here…”

“Hm?” Shen Jiu glanced over his shoulder at the tiny writing in the bottom corner of the last page.

“To Xing Yao, my…” Shen Yuan tapered off and did not finish, instead closing the book and tucking it into his sleeve. They walked in silence after and his words lingered in the cold wind. Night was quickly appearing, darkening the sky like slowly dampening fabric while the moon crept up like a bright droplet of water. Shen Jiu didn't often partake in frivolous hobbies but he’d seriously consider poetry if it made his mind shut up for a bit, as right now he felt himself too tired to put much thought into today. No, not when the wind became frigid and whipped at them with low, monotone whistles. Or when the long bamboo leaves swayed back and forth like waving hands. Or even with Shen Yuan shuffled slightly to his side, their shoulders occasionally bumping but neither moving away.

It was when they got home that Shen Yuan spoke with a voice quieter than the mountain wind.

“So… you'll be the Peak Lord soon.”

“Indeed.”

Shen Yuan took off his outer robes and slid into the bedroom to change first. Shen Jiu lingered about the living room and made them some osthamthus and jasmine tea. He watched the jasmine buds and the osthamthus blossoms bobble in the water, which became saturated with the scent. He closed his eyes and let the warm teapot warm his cold hands. He startled when a head rested on his shoulder and warm hands encased his own.

“Are you alright?” A-Yuan asked.

Shen Jiu opened his mouth but no sound came out.

Shen Yuan sighed. “You're never honest anymore.”

The words struck a nerve and his fingers clenched the teapot. His skin started to prickle from the heat but he didn't want to move and make the hands on his own slip away. Heaven forbid, Shen Jiu couldn't help but want to be honest for once. Words he would not utter to Yue Qi, and who else could he talk to? A-Yuan had his heart trapped and now that fact just made him relieved. To know a part of him would be with the other forever.

“I'm an orphan. A disgraced disciple of an infamous demonic cultivator. I've killed, robbed and ruined lives. And I'm also going to be the Peak Lord of a respected and revered sect. It's too good to be true, A-Yuan. Things never go my way. The world always has to spit in my face, and now I can't even feel joy over this pivotal moment.”

His hands felt on fire, the teapot burning him. Why was he saying this? Why was it so difficult to get the words out? His skin was going to sear off soon but he didn’t pull away. He wanted to scald these foolish doubts out of his body. He wanted to punish himself for even having them.

“When did I lose the ability to feel joy?” Shen Jiu's hands whipped around to grip Shen Yuan's wrists. His burning flesh encased A-Yuan’s as he spun to stare up at him with a bitter dampness. “Did I ever have that ability? A-Yuan, you once told me you would show me everything good in this world, but what if I can't tell what's even good anymore? What if... I'm not good anymore?"

Tainted. Destroyed by foul beasts.

Tainted.

He thought back to all the people he’d fought against to get up here.

Luan Shi’s screams as his eyes were burned out.

He was a monster.

The wrists tugged themselves from his grip but before he could take it as a sign of rejection he was dragged into a hug.

“You're a human. We're family.”

Family.

The masks of a Head Disciple, Peak Lord, Distinguished Cultivator, A Qing Jing Disciple; every single title he used to hide under, who was he under all of those?

Family.

Shen Jiu, for the first time in a long, long while, gave permission for the tears in his eyes to escape. He buried his face into Shen Yuan's bare shoulder. He felt not weakness, but a weight being pulled from him. He was losing the shackles that kept him under and finally able to swim upward. He felt warm limbs around his body and lips pressed into the crown of his head. Words were murmured into his hair, mostly intelligible.

They sat like that for a while, until the aroma of tea was strong.

Shen Jiu pulled away and rubbed his eyes and despite feeling his walls starting to close again, he felt more relieved than he'd felt in a long, long while.

“You'll be a good Peak Lord.”

“How do you know that?”

A-Yuan grinned and gestured toward himself. “How? Because I'll be beside you guiding you, duh!”

“I doubt there's much you know that I don't.”

“You misunderstand me. I mean guiding your image and attitude, not your knowledge. Like an adviser!”

Shen Jiu stifled a snicker as he poured the tea for them. Murky water quivered in white porcelain. He certainly felt better after opening up-- a dangerous thought. Feeling better did not mean being safer, which was always his top priority. So this fact didn't mean he'd do it more often, though he'd be a fool to not acknowledge it. In the end, he wasn’t going to make a habit of it. He inhaled the warm steam and exhaled before sipping, the soothing liquid coating his tongue. He knew he was rather touchy about his upbringing but that didn't mean he didn't feel deserving of being the Peak Lord. After all, he felt that most humans did not deserve the title anyway. It was better for him and A-Yuan if he had it than a stranger.

“I appreciate you, A-Yuan.”

Shen Yuan flushed and stammered. “A-Ah, well, I think any good person would do the same! It's not like I did anything special.”

I beg to differ. You are special.

He poured himself another cup. “Are you feeling better after your lessons?”

Shen Yuen nodded enthusiastically. “Yes! I learned some good talismans. Like one that gives you night vision, or one that temporarily allows you to filter the qi from a tree or other living, non-conscious entity. I have some good ideas for that last one, which will be even easier with Shizun's notes.” Shen Yuan gulped his tea down without smelling or tasting it. He excitedly rambled for another ten minutes about the properties of a talisman, the properties of different inks, papers and even stroke order. He was beaming as he talked, hands darting around like two hummingbirds. Eventually he tapered off well into the night, yawning and finishing the last bit of tea in his cup.

“It's rather late.” Shen Jiu said.

“Ah, right. I'm sorry for talking your head off.”

“It's fine, I like when you talk.” Shen Jiu observed the way A-Yuan’s cheeks warmed at those words.

“Yes, well, I'm quite happy with what I learned. Even if none of it tackles the real problem. But I think I'll just have to bear it until it wears off.”

“You sound certain it will.”

Shen Yuan laughed nervously. “Well, it's more just me hoping. But I'm going to have to let it be for the time I suppose.”

Shen Jiu held back a sigh of relief at that. It seemed he'd not have to ever touch that manual he wrote for Shen Yuan or even give it to him. He was willing to drop it himself. Shen Jiu coughed and covered his mouth to hide his smile. A-Yuan was right where he wanted him to be.

Notes:

I just want to thank you all for reading this, I appreciate you all for taking the time to read my story.

A fun mention for the next chapter: Shen Jiu will meet the infamous Shang Qinghua, but Yue Qi is finally going to talk properly with Shen Yuan. I wonder how it will go? ;)

Chapter 15: Reunions Always Come In Pairs

Notes:

I've been a bit under the weather, but writing is a nice remedy when stuck in bed! Hope you enjoy, thanks for reading [:

Shen Jiu was irritated the moment he landed in An Ding Peak. He couldn’t pinpoint one precise cause behind this, only that there were multiple things about this place that unnerved him. There was a lack of trees, or even any kind of wildlife. Aside from the few contained gardens, the rest of the Peak was filled with buildings crammed into every spot possible. It felt like a place of management and precision carved into the mountain, chasing away anything that grew without purpose.

There was a lack of peace here, too. Everyone was either in a rush or jamming their heads into books and papers. They all felt like the wheels on a carriage, driving themselves into the ground to keep the Peak upright and functional. Shen Jiu understood this feeling but for some reason, he felt out of place here. Once his feet touched the stone, he sheathed his sword and shoved his hands into his sleeves to stave off the cold. He closed himself off immediately, but it seemed that wasn’t needed in a place like this. No one here paid any attention to him. He stalked past people, unused to not being stared at. The people on his own Peak often shot glances at him when they thought he wasn’t looking, but here, it was like everyone was about to be murdered if they didn’t keep working. The atmosphere made him restless.

He was early, so he surveyed the area to get the general gist of it. He didn’t like being somewhere he didn’t know, even if it was only on a basic level.

He eventually sought out this Head Disciple his Shizun mentioned. It took a while, as everyone he asked was either in a rush and ignored him or didn't know. For the Peak of Information, it was quite hard to find it. Eventually, a young lady told him where the Head Disciple's office was and he walked over there already in a bad mood.

The Head Disciple of An Ding Peak was a pathetic looking man. Shen Jiu knew the moment his eyes laid upon the man that he would hate him. It was in the way he glanced up at Shen Jiu with a strange, disturbing amount of understanding. Shen Jiu's certain his reputation didn’t extend past his peak, so to see this stranger staring at him like he knew everything about him immediately put him on edge. His hackles raised and he knew this was not going to be a good time-- not that he expected to be given anything except a bad time. Shen Jiu’s eyes narrowed and he glared down at the round-faced man sitting at a table. Papers sat on the surface, a few on the floor around the room. There were ink stains on the wood, and even a few cuff marks from things being dropped. Shen Jiu observed this all with disdain, before dragging his eyes back to the man before him.

“My Shizun reckons you could help me. I doubt he’s correct, looking at the state of this place.”

The man’s jaw tensed and his eyes widened, both offended and terrified. He looked moments away from launching himself through the window in an act of self-defenestration. “I- I mean, I can try. Anything for my Shixiong!” The words were like liquid, flowing out all at once as he rushed to stand. He brushed pieces of torn paper off his lap, thumb hitting an ink stain and latching onto his flesh. He stared down at the largening stain with a loud grumble, before his head darted back to Shen Jiu like he’d be murdered if he took his eyes off him. His movements resembled that of a bird or mouse, something that darted and scurried around, eyeing everything it thought a threat. With how frustrated Shen Jiu was getting, this man was probably correct in assuming him to be one.

“Then hurry and do so.” Shen Jiu remarked.

“I- I’m Shang--”

“I do not care.”

The man wilted.

Their first stop was at a room with all the information about the costs of certain materials Shen Jiu might want to request in the future, though this man mentioned that this peak will usually handle it for the other Peak Lords. “Just in case,” he’d stated as he turned to not-quite-look at Shen Jiu, “--sometimes when Peak Lords don’t handle money in a long time, they can forget how much certain things cost.”

He begrudgingly agreed to that. Though many people would forget the taint of money, he was certain he would not be one of those people. After spending his entire childhood staring at basic necessities locked behind a price tag, hanging just out of reach of his dirty, malnourished hands, he would never forget what money meant. It was a locked door, keeping those unfortunate enough on the other side to longingly fantasize about what they could have, if only they had enough to afford it. Maybe those desperate enough would break in, desperate for a taste of sustenance on their tongues, only to either lose their hands or be forced into slavery to make up for what they took.

He decided not to speak and after an enjoyable length of silence where the other man squirmed and shivered on the spot they finally moved on.

As they walked, Shang-something kept glancing behind at him, his eyes like darting hummingbirds. It seemed like he wanted to speak. His mouth would twitch and part, before sealing shut as he’d inevitably look away. Shen Jiu wondered how long this back-and-forth would go on for before he either broke and let the curiosity slip or they split up. Shen Jiu was banking on this man breaking, he seemed extremely curious about something. And besides, he was enjoying watching his man squirm.

It turned out to only be another hour or so of tedious information that the question finally slipped from his tongue.

“So, I, uh, heard you have a brother?”

All of Shen Jiu’s amusement vanished as he stopped. The other man halted as well, his shoulders hunching up as though already prepared for what was to come. It pissed him off even further that the other man understood he’d crossed a line without even looking at Shen Jiu’s reaction to it. Perhaps he’d already been informed ahead of time, or heard rumors about the Qing Jing’s awful Head Disciple. Either way, it made him distrust this person even more. He waited with a quiet glare until the other mustered up the courage to turn and face him, only then did he speak, and it was with a cold voice.

“What is it to you?”

“I- I was just curious!”

“Why?” Shen Jiu took a step toward him and he stumbled as if about to run. His face was pale and his eyes wide.

“Well-- I-I also have a brother! I have a brother too, a little one, s-so I was just trying to relate to you. That’s all, I promise! Please don’t take it the wrong way!” He pleaded and clasped his hands together and bowed his head, hands trembling so violently it looked like he was freezing to death. He peaked up at Shen Jiu through his bangs after he was greeted with silence. Shen Jiu continued to stare down at him, wondering what he should do now. This wasn’t someone he could just eliminate, and it did seem like he was just genuinely curious. Should he take the risk? Could he take the risk? He could take this man down easily if he truly needed to. He couldn’t afford to mess up right before acquiring the title of Peak Lord. Shen Jiu forced back his mounting desire to torture this man for more information, and instead stormed past him with his hands tucked in his sleeves.

“Don’t do it again.”

“Of course! I’m sorry, I didn’t--”

“Shut up before I shut you up.”

There was a squeak behind him followed by silence and hurried footsteps as he tried to catch up with him. Shen Jiu raised his head to stare up at the sky. There were no trees blocking the way, so the grey seemed endless. A few patches of sky escaped from between the clouds like streams between. He’d have to keep an eye on this person, even though he seemed incompetent and weak, those people were always the ones that were willing to resort to the worst means to stay alive.

Cowards had no self-imposed restrictions.

The rest of the trip was tense. Even the people that rushed by them would pause for a second to glance back, as if a fight was about to break out.

By the end of it, Shen Jiu had to admit that he learned some things from this man, even if he was spineless. Shen Jiu might have even briefly considered thanking them if it was anyone else, but since his perception of him had already been soured by his attitude and horrible choice of words, he decided to instead look down at him. “I hope you’ll be more competent when you are my Shidi.”

“I’ll do my best!” He rushed to say but Shen Jiu was already gone.

He was under the clouds, his sword the only thing preventing him from falling. Shen Jiu was already feeling better just leaving that horrid Peak. He’d never go back there if he could help it, and he’d also rather not send Shen Yuan there either. It would just be his luck that Shen Yuan would immediately befriend that Shang person. Shen Jiu shook the horrid thought from his mind and instead flew to the Qing Jing Peak.

Since Shen Yuan wasn’t having his lessons, he had far more free time now. Shen Jiu figured he’d be reading that notebook Shizun gave him, and was disappointed to see him reading one of his stupid books instead when he found him in the library. From Shen Yuan’s expression, the book didn’t seem to even be good, yet he was still reading it. His eyes roamed the pages with an angered frenzy, only stopping once Shen Jiu towered over his hunched form on the floor and cleared his throat. “What are you reading?”

Shen Yuan startled at his sudden voice, then started grumbling. “Stupid novel… stupid author. It’s about a female cultivator that changes her appearance. How cool does that sound?! Imagine the tension that could be used! The undercover sherlock holmes style investigations! There’s so much potential! But instead the author uses it to-- to--” Shen Yuan’s cheeks burned and he slammed the book shut. “It doesn’t matter! It’s a stupid book and I’m going to stop reading it!”

Despite these words, Shen Jiu noticed a slip of paper for a bookmark as Shen Yuan shoved it back in and looked up at him, who was still standing over him. “What did you want? Wait, you just came back from An Ding Peak, right? Did it go well?”

Shen Jiu groaned and sat down next to him, his head resting against the bookshelf behind him. The cool wood pressed into his skull. “It was even worse than I could have ever imagined.”

“Oh, really?” Shen Yuan sounded like he was smiling as he said that.

“The Head Disciple there is too nosy for his own good, not to mention he lacks even a hint of elegance. I will not look forward to working with him.”

“Having stupid and annoying co-workers will be a tale as old as time.” Shen Yuan patted his head jokingly, “don’t worry, I heard that peak is a nightmare to be on, he’ll probably spend most of his time working instead of bothering you.”

“I hope you’re right.” He muttered and felt his own breath. He remembered that Shen Yuan hadn’t been reading all day at all, and that he’d probably also returned from the Qian Cao Peak. Shen Jiu gave him a long look, taking in his expression carefully. He seemed relaxed, so it probably wasn’t life-threatening. Shen Yuan would tell him if it was. “And you? Why are you cooping yourself up in here?”

Shen Yuan shot him a half-hearted glare. “At least try to be subtle. No, nothing new. It’s still the same as ever. The Peak Lord actually spent most of his time lamenting that he was going to have to ascend before getting an answer about my situation. Poor bastard.” Shen Yuan didn’t seem sympathetic in the slightest when calling the man ‘poor’, in fact, he seemed somewhat vindictive. He fidgeted with the book in his hands, finger thumbing at the corners of the paper until they were slightly crinkled. He seemed to notice this nervous tick and tried to smooth them out, before ultimately just closing and putting the book on the ground next to him.

Shen Jiu stared at him. Really, truly stared. His eyes soaked up every little bit of detail until they were saturated and sore. From his delicate skin to his soft eyes. Shen Jiu’s fingers were like needles in his palms. Should he say it now? Should he admit that they weren’t truly related? That nothing was keeping them together?

What if Shen Yuan already knew, and was going to keep a secret? Even though it was hypocritical, that thought upset him, that anger floating amidst his own secrecy.

That isn’t why.

His breath hitched. His lungs started to ache.

He wasn’t scared just because Shen Yuan might leave him, no, it was something far more horrible. When he looked at Shen Yuan he no longer saw a brother, he saw something else. He saw… potential. For what? His hands were the trembling balls of frightened animals. He wanted to run away from these emotions, because such vulnerability brought forth naught but tragedy. But Shen Yuan was always like that, wasn’t he? He was his heart externalised. He was a reflection of what Shen Jiu could’ve been, had he not been corrupted; an image of what Shen Jiu had to crush within himself to survive. He was the only light in his endless hell of darkness. He was Shen Jiu's light. He was the object of his- of his--

Shen Jiu leapt to his feet. “I need to go, excuse me.” He turned and bolted. His hands red and aching, swelling welts forming smiles that stared up and mocked him.

Of his desire.

 

---

 

Yue Qi drove his sword through the monster’s head, watching as its bird-like body writhed as it was decapitated. He stared idly as the head hit the ground and it continued to twitch, letting out small whines and moans. Eventually it stilled and the eyes dulled.

Another beast dead.

He sighed and used his qi to burn the blood off his sword, before sheathing it and crouching down to study the monster. He lacked the name for it, but he was sure Shen Yuan would know. So he grabbed a feather, tooth, and claw before leaving. The air was harsh on his cheeks, specks of snow having finally started to fall. Every morning was now accompanied by frost and the air became thick with mist. Yue Qi enjoyed it but he could tell that Xiao Jiu hated feeling cold, so he pretended to not want to smile when he saw the first few white flakes tumbling out of the clouds above.

He returned swiftly, landing on Qing Jing Peak and wandering. He was unsure where Shen Yuan would be, and Xiao Jiu was likely busy with his Shizun. He instead went to their small room and sat outside, enjoying the bite on his ears and the numbness in his fingers. He closed his eyes and meditated, allowing his consciousness to seep into his body and fuss out any irregularities within his meridians. Even if he wasn’t using that sword, he still checked every time after using any other sword, the frantic fear of hurting himself coming to fruition everytime. He could not afford to incapacitate himself, not when Xiao Jiu and A-Yuan were relying on him.

Footsteps brought him back to reality and he opened his eyes to see  Shen Yuan stumbling up the steps, paper clutched in his hand. When their eyes met, Shen Yuan tensed and a wave of awkwardness rushed over his expression. Yue Qi felt a pang of… something, at that reaction. A small inkling that something was wrong. There was no Xiao Jiu here, it was just the two of them and he wasn't good at reading Shen Yuan's expressions. He used to be. This was probably one of the few times they were together alone, and after seeing Shen Yuan fumble as he greeted Yue Qi, he closed his eyes and tried not to feel disappointed.

Shen Yuan wasn't comfortable around him.

The realisation was a punch to the gut, but he deserved it.

“May I come in for tea?” He spoke hurriedly and Shen Yuan paused, before a hesitant smile came to his lips.

“Sure, Jiu-ge will be here soon.”

Yue Qi bit his lip to prevent a frustrated sigh from coming out. He instead stood up and brushed the few leaves off his robes. “I meant with you.”

“Oh, well– o-of course! Come in then.” Shen Yuan stammered and hurried to open the door and welcome him in. Yue Qi nodded his head in thanks and breathed in the warm, stale air as he entered. He was unused to entering a place so warm, his room was always cold whenever he returned to it. He sensed qi and noted a talisman settled on the table. He walked over and traced a finger over it, smiling as he recognised Shen Yuan’s faint qi signature in it.

Shen Yuan came up behind him, face full of pride. “I’ve been learning a few new tricks. Jiu-ge was always grouchy having to come home to a cold house, so I asked my Shizun for a talisman to heat up an enclosed space. It’s so handy!”

Yue Qi smiled. “It’s brillant, I’m sure Xiao Jiu is very delighted you took the time out of your lessons to learn that.”

Shen Yuan’s cheeks flushed and he hurried to make the tea, gesturing for him to sit down.

Yue Qi sat.

His eyes drifted around the home. There were books everywhere, scattered in small clutters on the tables, shelves and even the floor. A few paintings were pinned to the wall, their paper shifting from unseen air currents. The place was free of dust, a difficult feat to accomplish. Yue Qi was impressed with how clean it was, aside from Shen Yuan's books of course.

He looked to where Shen Yuan had walked out into. What should he talk about? He knew Shen Yuan liked beasts, books and was recently getting into talismans, but that was it. He tried not to beat himself too much after thinking that. If he let his guilt swallow him he won't accomplish anything.

Shen Yuan came in with a tray and sat it next to the talisman. He poured a cup for Yue Qi with a shy smile. “I hope it's good, Jiu-ge is far better at making it than me.”

Yue Qi took a sip and nodded. “It’s very good, a bit sweet. I see you’ve gotten used to giving Xiao Jiu tea.”

He got a laugh in response. “Well, yeah. He’s busy a lot of the time, and after my lessons I don’t really have much to do. I’d join the other disciples but I couldn’t do half the stuff they get taught, so I’d just be wasting my time really. Though once my body gets better I’ll be happy to catch up with them. Jiu-ge would be a pretty mean teacher, though.”

Yue Qi stared at his cup. “How is he doing, anyway?”

He swore he saw Shen Yuan wilt, before perking up and explaining the visit he’d just had at the An Ding Peak. He explained that he already hated the Head Disciple over there, and that judging on what Shen Jiu had told him, Shen Yuan actually agreed with him for once. He then poured himself another cup of tea and as he drank, Yue Qi wondered what else to say. Shen Yuan was staring awkwardly at his cup, it seemed that he had nothing to say, either. 

Yue Qi needed to say something.

If he waited too long, the silence would get awkward again. He hated the silence. More often than not, silence was a weapon used against him by Xiao Jiu, something he took without complaint. But with Shen Yuan, Yue Qi could see that the silence was getting to him as well– if Shen Yuan hated the silence too there was no retribution in it, no sense of justice on his part or repentance from Yue Qi. No, Shen Yuan was fidgeting. he was refusing to look up at him. He’s treating Yue Qi like a stranger. He really needed to say something now or he’d ruin this.

His mouth parted, a question about Xiao Jiu about to roll off his tongue, when he suddenly clamped his mouth shut. It was a direct motion, but he didn’t initiate it himself. His subconscious had grabbed his jaw, finally intervening.

“And… how have you been?” The question prompted an even more baffled silence, and Yue Qi watched as those foreign tasting words had Shen Yuan’s eye widening and his posture shifting. He became equally surprised and open, his hands twitching for a fan like he usually did. But he didn’t hide himself, instead he stumbled out a reply.

“Me? Ah, well, fine even! I guess…” He then threw himself into a hurried spew of words as he explained his appointment at Qian Cao Peak.

As he spoke, Yue Qi watched him. Really, truly watched. He saw the way Shen Yuan would wave his hands when describing small details, creating shapes like he was trying to give Yue Qi a visual aid alongside his rambling. He would stutter. His brow creasing upon mentioning the word ‘doctor’ or ‘meridian’. The way his lips twitched upon mentioning Mu-Shidi. He was so used to seeing Shen Yuan as an extension of Shen Jiu, that seeing him be detached-- talking about himself, seemed to bring awareness to an unconscious part of his mind.

A numb, muted feeling sat heavily in his bones. Shen Yuan was still talking, and he was even beginning to smile as he talked. He was answering his question with so much enthusiasm, and it was the first time Yue Qi was enthusiastically following along with his words.

It felt like a quiet drowning was happening in the background. His entire body was both hyperaware and numb. 

He’s enjoying this. Telling me about his day. Not about Xiao Jiu’s mood, or Xiao Jiu’s day. His.

The memory of moments earlier returned to mind, this time with shocking clarity. Of what, hadn’t quite dawned yet. But he remembered Shen Yuan’s hopeful smile and how it quickly morphed into a calm politeness-- awkward and uncertain. How every word since then was a branch from the same tree, the same person.

Of course he’s like this to me. I’ve treated him like a mirror, hoping to catch reflections of the same face that always haunts me. But never his own.

Upon this understanding, Yue Qi was filled with the sudden urge to break out into an apology. But he held it in, not just because Shen Yuan was still talking but because he refused to let his guilt take the main stage once more. Yue Qi forced his smile and listened, taking in every word with fervor. And only as Shen Yuan finally stopped, going for a sip of tea that was certainly lukewarm at this point, Yue Qi finally responded.

“Did I ever… thank you? Properly, for helping me reconnect with… him.”

Saying his name would just bring this conversation back to the same old tree, whose leaves seemed to engulf their entire relationship.

“Huh? I don’t really remember, that was a while ago.”

Yue Qi smiled bitterly but refused to let it seep into his voice, to ruin the fragile new sprout that was growing between them. “You have my eternal gratitude, A-Yuan. Thank you.”

Shen Yuan’s face flushed and he stammered over his words, trying to dismiss the act as something anyone would do. Yue Qi interrupted him.

“It wasn’t nothing, A-Yuan. Without you, I would still be wallowing in my own self-hatred and despair.”

“I… you’re welcome then.” Shen Yuan mumbled quietly. He looked so small that Yue Qi wanted to reach out and grasp his hand, which was still clenched around the tea cup. But he held himself back. Shen Yuan was skitterish and he wasn’t going to let his instincts ruin this moment.

He watched quietly as Shen Yuan gathered himself again. He was used to dealing with people that were either two-faced or standoffish. People hiding behind societal standards whilst letting subtle insults slip past their sentences like spoken secrets. Or the cynical, cruel nature of a man whose forgiveness he sought but always received hostility. This openness was new. Shen Yuan was simple in his interactions. There were no smoke or mirrors, threats sounding like compliments, anger spoken in smiling tones, laughter through the lips of people who wanted him gone.

It was a nice contrast to X– he jolted. Blood freezing. Hands squeezing. That guilt returned with a vengeance and wormed its way deep into his chest where he felt like wheezing for air. What is he doing?! Sure, Shen Yuan was nicer to him, but using him as a balm for Xiao Jiu’s inflictions? He was truly selfish at his core. He didn’t deserve this. He was an awful person. He should leave.

But Shen Yuan had finally gotten his smile back.

Yue Qi made himself stay, despite wanting to fling himself to his feet and run.

It’s fine. It’s fine. It’s completely fine. I'm… not going to do that. I'm enjoying this. The company of A-Yuan, I'm here because it’s fun. I'm not using him.

Yue Qi smiled stiffly and folded his hands on his lap.

Then the door opened. And they both knew only one person would enter and not knock. They turned and Shen Jiu was staring at him without a real expression on his face. He didn’t look pissed or upset, just… wary.

“Welcome back!” Shen Yuan called, either oblivious at the tension or good at ignoring it. Shen Jiu looked at him and his face softened. It was like watching through glass and the person he wanted to connect with the most wasn’t looking back. He couldn’t reach Xiao Jiu, there was only Shen Jiu, and that man wouldn’t tolerate him in the slightest. It had been getting better, but it was the aching repair of a wound so infected and festered that the act of healing itself was agony.

Shen Jiu went and sat beside Shen Yuan, hand immediately going to rest on his leg. Shen Yuan didn’t even acknowledge it. Yue Qi could only watch in bewilderment. He knew they were close but Shen Jiu never used to be touchy. At least, not like this. Not with that look in his eyes, so full of something that would never be offered toward Yue Qi.

“What are you doing here?” Shen Jiu turned to stare at him with blank eyes.

“Ah, right. I had some items from a monster that I thought Shen Yuan might be able to identify.” Yue Qi had forgotten all about that. He reached into his sleeve and pulled out the pieces that he’d washed off, placing them on the table and pushing them slightly toward Shen Yuan. The other man was already leaning forward with excitement in his eyes.

“A feather, tooth and claw…” Shen Yuan mumbled to himself, “was the head snake-like?”

Yue Qi strained to recall. “It was more like a mix of two birds. The body was like a giant blackbird but the neck and head were like a duck’s.”

Shen Yuan lit up. “The feathers were black and white, right?”

He smiled. “Yes.”

“It might’ve been a marble-coat blackduck.”

The silence was loud.

“... is that really its name?”

“Don’t blame me, blame the hack who wrote that in!” Shen Yuan suddenly got defensive and crossed his arms, glaring at the offending objects.

“Ah, right.”

“Why did you come to Shen Yuan?” Shen Jiu asked, unprompted. “There is a Peak for beast taming, they would’ve known.”

“I… well…” Yue Qi’s cheeks burned as he stared down. “It was impulse.”

“So you didn’t actually want to see Shen Yuan.” He pushed, eyes narrowed. Yue Qi felt his words get stuck in his throat. Out of the corner of his eye he could see Shen Yuan deflate, his shoulders slumping in surrender. Yue Qi opened his mouth but nothing came out. How can he possibly explain all the thoughts that have run through his head without offending either of them? Of admitting that he did not pay any attention to Shen Yuan, or that Shen Jiu was so spiteful at times that he just wanted a small break? They all jammed together and blocked each other, until the silence stretched on for minutes. Shen Yuan was fidgeting. Shen Jiu was motionless.

Eventually, the words came out. “I missed him, that was all.”

“I suppose so.” Shen Jiu commented dryly.

Shen Yuan suddenly spoke up, stammering to divert attention away from the current topic. “So, uh, how often do you two spend time together?”

Xiao Jiu scowled at the question and Yue Qi’s face reddened. “Not often, but I want to spend more time with you as well, A-Yuan.” He explained and saw Shen Yuan’s face flash with confusion. 

“That’s good to hear. Now Jiu-ge just needs one more friend! How about… Liu-shidi?”

“You dare think that?!” Xiao Jiu scowled and jabbed his fan into Shen Yuan’s chest. “I would never befriend that brute!”

Shen Yuan laughed and tilted away from the fan. “Come on, he’s not that bad, right Qi-ge?”

Yue Qi smiled and shook his head. He was grateful at how masterfully Shen Yuan brought Shen Jiu out of his suspicion and back into the moment. He’d seen Xiao Jiu getting unstable in his anger, and watched as A-Yuan inserted himself like he was managing a ship in a storm. The way he darted around, adjusting the sails, spinning his words like a helmsman at his wheel. Managing Xiao Jiu was his craft, something he was well-versed in. And Yue Qi wondered if he ever got tired of that. It seemed that just like Yue Qi, he was worried how Xiao Jiu would react at any given moment. Maybe… maybe Shen Yuan might want a friend outside of Shen Jiu. Maybe Yue Qi might have a chance to reconnect after all. “It’s up to Xiao Jiu, he doesn’t need any other friends if he doesn’t want them.”

Xiao Jiu nodded with a loud humph and crossed his arms, looking triumphant. He was so smug that Yue Qi sided with him that he didn’t even look upset at the nickname slipping out. That did make Yue Qi smile. He watched, an outsider, as Shen Jiu and Shen Yuan started to bicker. It was a comforting sight, seeing the way Shen Yuan smiled and the way Shen Jiu’s eyes were gentle despite his sharp words. They were close, amazingly so. And Yue Qi watched, as he always did, as the kindness he so desperately craved was directed at someone else. Was this a punishment for neglecting them? For betraying them both? For being a liar? A fool? A coward.

Why was he trying so desperately to insert himself back into a dynamic he’d removed himself from?

I... didn't want to leave them.

They're my family.

...I miss them.

Notes:

holy moly I just noticed it's 100k words now

Chapter 16: A Feather For Your Troubles

Notes:

I hope you enjoy this chapter!! Shen Jiu's self-hatred and poor self-esteem come out full blast here, poor boy
Sometimes I really wish Shen Jiu would be able to find the right words, but then I remember who he had to be around when growing up, and the way they showed their 'love' and 'care'. It's tragic because despite everything, he really does have Shen Yuan's safety in heart.

“How has your cultivation been going?” Shizun had asked during one of their meetings and Shen Jiu tensed with both anticipation and apprehension. A slow welling in his gut that threatened to enter his windpipe.

“Good.” Shen Jiu averted his eyes, “my Qi is no longer as… disruptive, as it used to be.”

Shizun nodded, cutting straight to the chase. “Then I believe it is time for you to receive your spiritual sword. It has been late, I know, and I am sorry, but I did not want another situation like your friend.”

Shen Jiu internally scowled but didn't correct him. Yue Qi was not his friend, and he certainly wouldn’t have let his own body betray him like that. But he wasn't about to argue semantics with his Shizun right before a pivotal point in his life. He instead clasped his hands together and bowed deeply exactly as he’d taught himself to do. His form was the perfect portrayal of a pleased, grateful disciple. "Of course, thank you for looking out for me.”

“Of course I will, it is my responsibility. Now, let us head to Wan Jian Peak.”

Shen Jiu had been forcing himself to appear calm and prepared, but inside his body, his heart was slamming into the walls of his ribcage. His entire body jolted him forward to follow his Shizun, and he trailed after him with needles trailing up his spine. He stared at the back of Shizun’s robes but his mind had ascended far beyond his eyes. His mind was in another world entirely, one full of nothing but elation and nauseating trepidation.

He was about to shed the dullness of old, second-hand swords and find something better– something solely his. It made him internally gleam with satisfaction, like watching a puzzle piece slide into place and reveal the entire picture to him. It wasn’t often he had this feeling, as the pieces were never given to him, rather they were tiny, inconsequential things that he had to fight tooth and nail just to hold, only for them to fit nowhere in his plans. But now, they were simply sitting in the palm of his hand and waiting to put themselves into place. All Shen Jiu had to do was follow his Shizun’s orders, and he’d have himself a piece worth a thousand more. A sword. His sword. Something that would be willing to call him its owner.

He'd been born with nothing. Now, he was on the cusp of becoming the Peak Lord of a distinguished Sect; he was about to receive his own, personal spiritual blade. He was about to evolve. Every step in this new path was a step away from the discarded skin of his old life. He would burn that disgusting molt away until there was no evidence left. The dried bits that clung to him– he'd burn those off as well, even if it hurt him.

Shizun pulled out his sword and stood upon its thin surface, which easily held his weight like a branch holding a single leaf. Shizun turned to smile at him, and he obediently stood upon his own inferior disciple’s training sword. It carried his weight easily, but was indifferent and apathetic toward the person standing upon it.

Immediately, they set off. Shen Jiu, in all of his elation, found himself uneasy at the unsettling aura of this Peak.

This Peak was the most bizarre out of all the other mountains. The jagged walls of the mountain were covered in endless, japing entrances to the caves and tunnel systems within. It was like a hollowed out piece of rotten wood, something that the bugs had chewed their way through. From far away, the holes looked like eyes that watched every single being stepping foot upon its motionless body. Shen Jiu resisted the urge to shudder, the sensation of being stared at was something he detested.

The buildings themselves were placed upon platforms carved into the few patches of plain, untouched walls. Against the barren grey, their structures held firm in the dirt and stone underneath them. There were few buildings in total, then just an endless domain of gaping mouths. When they landed, he was overtaken by a cold, freezing chill. Wind poured from the entrances like the mountain was exhaling on them. Strong, sharp and narrow, these gusts blew over every tree, stone, and poor person in sight, which now included Shen Jiu himself. He trailed behind Shizun as he walked unaffected by the cold and strange aura suffocating them.

The Peak Lord of this place greeted them. Instead of holding a paper fan to his face, he held a round fan made of plain bamboo, connected to a long stick the size of Shen Jiu’s entire arm. His hair was an oily black, slicked into a bun that was choked by braids that looked more like snakes coiling around his head. His eyes were sharp and thin, his nose even thinner. His lips were hidden behind that fan as he glanced between Shizun and Shen Jiu.

Shen Jiu waited stiffly as his Shizun talked to the Peak Lord. Mountain walls towered around them, holes carved into them like a lotus seed pod. He was staring into the belly of a beast, a beast that spat out powerful minerals, ores and even swords through its numerous mouths. 

“Shen Jiu?”

He turned around at his Shizun's voice. “Yes?”

“There are two phases one must do. The first one is to see if any entrance draws you toward it. If you do not feel a calling, then you will be brought to their hall of swords and artifacts to see if anything pulls your spiritual Qi there.”

“What does this feeling of ‘being drawn in’ feel like?”

“It is different for everyone, but you will know when you feel it. For me, it was like the breeze had turned to a current, and I was physically pulled to walk toward a small cave entrance.” Shizun smiled and then nodded his head toward the walls. “Go. Walk. See what happens and trust your gut.”

The other Peak Lord stared wordlessly at him, that fan creeping down his face to reveal a sharp grin. “Good luck, young disciple of Xing-Shixiong’s.”

Shen Jiu shuddered and turned to walk. He did not like that man’s eyes, or his grin. He did not like that man.

Shen Jiu looked at the walls as he walked, the sharp spikes of doubt and anxiousness were nauseating, it felt like spoiled food in his stomach. He choked it back like one would with vomit, and forced his heart to stop pumping his blood so quickly, to stop its loud echoing in his eardrums. He refused to be a coward. He would not let his fear taint this moment and chase away his chances of getting what was his to take. He would find this sword without fear, and it would let him wield it like he was meant to. 

As Shen Jiu walked, he trailed closer to the wall of stone. He felt the imposing aura of wild energy fill the area like thick smoke. It filled his lungs. It clung to his throat and dried his mouth. Wind whistled as the various black pits wept air and noise. Shen Jiu walked past them, not feeling a single call. The sun was on the other side of the mountain, so the entire world was dark and cold. Every tree, scrub and rock around him looked black, and he made his qi circulate stronger to try and warm himself up. This treacherous trek continued until the sun crept around the mountain and hit his back. He started to get restless after more walking.

Was he going to have to use a second-hand sword? 

Was no sword going to deem him good enough?

Was he going to be spat on by this too?

He scowled and kicked a rock as he walked. It rolled over and a few bugs scuttled from underneath it. Irritation laced his blood like oxygen: inseparable. He walked into a small cluster of trees and the sun was snuffed out by their rustling leaves, which roared in the wind and sounded more like the crashing waves of a beach. Wind tousled his clothing, disturbed his hair, and dried his eyes. It felt like the entire mountain was rejecting him. Shen Jiu was about to turn and storm away when he suddenly felt… something. Or maybe, nothing. The absence of something. An abscess in the active energy. His eyes glided over the brambles and thorns, landing on a black hole in the wall. The stone caved inward and went straight down, like a tunnel to hell.

He sneered as he walked toward it. Of course his calling would be an empty void of energy.

He crouched and saw that he had to squeeze himself in the first few steps, before it would open to a vast wound that stretched on for eternity. He made the squeeze and stood up, wiping the wet soil and leaves from his robes. The scent of dirt and damp stone was overpowering. He walked further in and the darkness crept over him like a thick blanket. He had to activate a talisman just to see his own hands. This place had no life in it. No moss, no weeds, not even a little bug to scamper across the ground.

He trudged further in.

The walls closed in on him. The tunnel's intestines were trying to digest him, channel him toward the stomach where he'd either emerge victorious or be consumed.

The black stone started to smell of mold, the first sign of life. And then… the darkness magnified as the walls suddenly vanished and he stood in a massive, empty room. That hollow feeling inside him was even more cutting here. The sensation trying to drag him deeper was getting caught on the jagged edges of his soul. He shuddered involuntarily. Shen Jiu turned and saw something half-driven into the wall. It was thin, slender and white. The first bit of light he'd seen since entering here. A faint light of pure, raw energy emitted from the blade and turned the black rock around it into glittering obsidian-like.

He walked closer and that hollow feeling was expanding.

He walked closer and felt himself trying to run and hide from that hollowness; his true self being lit upon by the shimmering, luminous energy.

He walked closer and his soul gave up trying to flee, letting itself be consumed by the energy.

He held out a hand and his fingers slipped around the handle. It was warm. The first bit of warmth he'd felt since entering here. He jutted his foot out at an angle to get a grip on the stone floor and pulled. The blade didn't budge, but it didn't reject him either. It was forcing him to put more effort in. He tried countless times, until his palms were clammy and sweat lined his brow. Like everything else in his life, it was making him work to death just for the satisfaction of victory.

He grinned, despite himself. It was raw and exposed and full of utter, amused contempt.

He ripped it from the stone wall and all at once, the hollow feeling in him vanished. Icy energy flooded his veins but he did not feel cold. It was refreshing. It felt like the sword was… comforting him in his success. He let it drown every empty crack in his heart and mind, until he was filled to the brim with energy and light. He stood, panting, and looked down at his new spiritual blade.

He smiled, and turned to display his victory to the world.

When he emerged, he was coated in even more loose dirt and he sighed despite himself.

Xiu Ya.

The name called to him in cold washes of empty sound. He stared at it for a long time, then walked back to find his Shizun having tea with the Wan Jian Peak Lord. They sensed his presence and turned. His Shizun smiled and it was full of pride once his eyes landed on the sword in his tight grip.

“Was it worth the wait?”

He grinned, raw and victorious. “Yes.”

The other Peak Lord lowered his fan to reveal another grin. It did not look human. “Congratulations, a fine weapon has chosen you. But, of course the head disciple of Xing-Shixiong’s choosing would be blessed by the mountain. Tell me, did it tell you its name?”

“Xiu Ya.”

“Elegant and refined indeed. Well then, is that all you needed, Xing-Shixiong?”

Shizun turned to face him once more and smiled. “Indeed, thank you, Jing-Shidi.”

They went home shortly after that, and Shen Jiu was thrumming with lingering pride and a building, erratic excitement to show A-Yuan. This was a physical reminder that he was powerful enough to protect them both. He couldn't wait to see the look on his A-Yuan's face. The fruit of his work had come to fruition and it was sweet to savour.

He spent the next hour or two standing outside and practicing his sword forms with it. The blade was thin and cut through the air like paper. The clean sounds of it pleased his ears and he could not stop grinning the entire time, even as his arms started to ache and his feet tender from the stone underneath them. He continued until he was spent and forced to go inside.

He sat in their bedroom, staring at the sword on his lap and waiting until A-Yuan returned.

This was something that chose him. It belonged to him and him alone.

Shen Jiu dragged a fingertip across the sharpest edge, all the way down to the hilt. The hilt was firm and smooth as his fingers curled around it and his palm pressed into the even surface.

The sun was hitting his back when Shen Yuan came in. His eyes landed on the sword and his mouth dropped. Shen Jiu could've sworn that his mouth moved to the syllables of the sword's name, but that was an absurd conclusion to make. This sword had been hidden in that grove, waiting for his soul to come and let the sharp edges of it catch its energy like a hooked claw catching on flesh.

“Xiu Ya.” He said without being prompted, and A-Yuan smiled.

“It's beautiful.” Shen Yuan commented and walked over to sit beside him. He kept a respectable distance away from the blade and just stared at it with wide, sparkling eyes. Shen Jiu felt his cheeks redden and looked away. For some reason, that intense stare being directed at his blade was… doing something to his chest. Whatever it was, the feeling wasn't unpleasant-- simply uncomfortable. He looked back up.

“Indeed, it is.”

Shen Yuan smiled and reached out to ruffle his hair. “I'm proud of you, Jiu-ge!”

Shen Jiu's eyes widened and that pesky feeling returned tenfold. His skin prickled under the attention and praise of A-Yuan. Since when did he start looking at this man and seeing such beauty? Such elegance muddled in with endearing clumsiness? He stared and saw Shen Yuan for what he truly was, not just a companion but something far deeper. He was the nerves within Shen Jiu, not merely on top of his muscles but engraved deep within them, traveling around them and under them. He gave Shen Jiu’s life sensation, pain and purpose. He could not function without A-Yuan because A-Yuan was an extension of his deepest desire: to be cherished and be able to cherish.

In the purest form… he was the physical embodiment of Shen Jiu's ability to love.

A-Yuan was the one thing in his life that he was allowed to keep. Everything else he’d ever attempted to love either betrayed him or died. 

Yet A-Yuan  was also separate–just enough that Shen Jiu’s foul innards and cursed luck couldn’t taint him. Because that’s all Shen Jiu was good for: destroying everything his hands grazed upon, like the very salt in his sweat could poison the soil of the earth.

“Jiu-ge?”

He smiled. Speaking of weapons, he had something else arranged for today. He stood and stared at Xiu Ya for another long moment, before sheathing it and reaching out to snatch Shen Yuan's hand.

“Let's go.”

“Now? But where?!”

They walked out of the room as they talked. “We’re going out.”

“We?”

Shen Jiu thought back to the Peak Lord's words and spoke. “We’ve been here for a while now, and I've just gotten my sword while you don't have anything.” He ignored the way Shen Yuan tensed and looked sad at that statement. He barreled ahead past the comment. “I've gotten you something that might help you one day.”

“What's with the suspension?! Are you about to whip out some plot-shattering device?”

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. “Don't start your strange ramblings now, I'm too tired to try and decode that.”

“Yeah, well, whatever! It's not like either of us would be the protagonist anyway.” Shen Yuan’s lips lifted into a mischievous grin.

Shen Jiu pondered for a moment. Him, a protagonist? He thought back to everything he’d ever done to get to this point in his life. Every soul he’d extinguished under Wu Yanzi’s guiding hand, all the lives he had ruined to get to the top. No protagonist would ever dare do what he’s done.

He then nodded. “Indeed, I’d likely be a villain.”

Surprisingly, his words made Shen Yuan stop walking. He stopped also, turning to glance back at him. Of all the things he expected to be greeted with, it was not sorrow. Shen Yuan was staring at him with such a deep, profound sorrow in his eyes that Shen Jiu was frozen by it. It felt like he’d been dragged into icy waters; those eyes were drowning him in their emotion. His skin pickled at the sensation, at the sympathy that seemed to arise from nowhere. What he said was true, wasn’t it? He’s not a good person, and certainly not righteous enough to be a protagonist in one of those silly novels that Shen Yuan reads. But why then… why was A-Yuan so insistent on treating him like someone worth caring about? If he knew that Shen Jiu had scared several disciples off, would he still be willing to talk with him? If he knew that Shen Jiu had taken information Shen Yuan had given him and used it so his rival could be blinded, would he still look at him like that? If he knew that he slept next to a pillow that held a manual made to destroy his will, would he forgive him?

We both know he'd forgive you anyway.

Would he still let Shen Jiu touch his skin or would his hands feel poisonous to him? If he knew, would he still sleep in the same bed as him, hold Shen Jiu close and comfort him?

Shen Jiu scowled, lifting his fan to hide his face. He attempted to shut out those thoughts, those mournful eyes. He didn’t know what to expect, but it certainly wasn’t arms dragging him into a warm hug. “You’re not a villain, Jiu-ge. No one should ever think that. You’d make a good protagonist.”

What was with the sudden switch?

He stared down at A-Yuan, whose head was buried into his chest. His ear was pressed against his manubrium. Could he hear Shen Jiu’s rapid heartbeat? Shen Jiu’s hand lowered and the fan tipped away from his face.

“After seeing the books you read, I highly doubt I’d want to be someone you consider protagonist-worthy.”

A-Yuan’s cheeks turned a bright red and he looked up. From this angle, with his chin resting on Shen Jiu’s chest, he looked like a pouting maiden. How absurd. “Jiu-ge! I read those books in hopes of finding a good one, not because I like them.”

As the sorrowful expression disappeared, Shen Jiu felt like he could breathe again. He was happy to let the mood lift itself again, and relentlessly went back to teasing A-Yuan. “Most of them have… unsavoury scenes in them.”

“I skip those!” Shen Yuan practically yelled and finally pulled back. His face was glowing like a volcano about to erupt and spill lava everywhere. His upper lip dug into the lower lip, forming a tight, flustered line that quivered slightly. Maybe, if Shen Jiu pushed more, genuine magma would pour from those lips the next time they burst open to deny his accusations.

“If you say so.” Shen Jiu let his fan dig into his upper lip and smirked at the angry flush decorating A-Yuan’s skin. Despite his yelling he seemed more flustered than furious.

“I do say so! Whatever, forget it. Where are we going?” Shen Yuan brushed past him with crossed arms, his ears burning red even from far ahead. Shen Jiu trailed behind him, unabashedly staring at him since he couldn’t be caught doing it. Shen Jiu felt a rush of satisfaction when A-Yuan pulled out his fan. He was still clumsy with it but he was using it more often. It was yet another habit he picked up from Shen Jiu, another part of their identities intermingling.

“We’re going into town.”

“What for?” A-Yuan’s voice was steady but betrayed the excitement in it.

Shen Jiu smiled and pulled out his sword. “You’ll have to see. Now come, unless you plan on walking all the way down the mountain?”

A-Yuan rolled his eyes but turned around to hop on. “Forgive me, not everyone can ride a sword like a damn airplane.”

“I suppose you won’t tell me why you invent words whenever you’re upset?”

“It relieves stress, and since no one knows what they mean, I’m not going to get in trouble.”

“I suppose A-Yuan is too polite to call people idiots to their faces.”

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes. “Like you don’t hide yourself behind that fan, I can feel your glares even with a flimsy sheet of paper covering it!”

Shen Jiu cracked a smile. “I don’t use the fan to hide my glares, I use it to hide my smiles.”

“Why? Your smiles are pretty.” A-Yuan blurted out, then his face turned a bright red. “Not that-- not-- well, I meant it in the not ga… whatever, I give up.” He seemed to accept his defeat and shame simmered on his face. Shen Jiu laughed aloud. Shen Yuan always got flustered when complimenting his looks which he didn’t understand. He did have some clue, or maybe a hope, but that wasn’t likely. Shen Yuan only thought of him as a brother.

Shen Jiu held out his hand and watched as A-Yuan accepted it with red ears, being pulled onto Xiu Ya. He felt hands curl around his waist. If it was anyone else’s touch, he’d toss them off his sword and watch them fall to their death. But A-Yuan was never just anyone else to him. He straightened his back, channeled more qi into his sword, and took flight. As wind rushed against their bodies, he felt it was a shame he couldn’t see A-Yuan’s expression. He seemed antsy before hopping on, and his arms would always tighten around Shen Jiu. He tried to imagine it. A-Yuan’s face was probably scrunched up, eyes clamped shut so he didn’t look underneath him. Shen Jiu felt himself smile at that.

The forest moved under them as they flew down. Occasionally, he’d tip the sword sideways to change directions and when he did, the hands on his body would tighten and A-Yuan would press his forehead deeper into Shen Jiu’s back. It made it difficult to focus, but Shen Jiu wasn’t as imbecilic as to let that make him lose track of what he was doing.

When they landed, A-Yuan dismounted first and stumbled for only a second before standing straight. His eyes were slightly watery from the wind hitting them, and he looked thoroughly embarrassed as he walked ahead of Shen Jiu without looking back. “That was a pleasant ride.” He said with a slightly winded voice. “What are we doing here?”

Shen Jiu strode to catch up to him, keeping his pace with ease. “I’m here to pick up an order I put in a while ago.”

“Then why am I here?”

“The order is for you, obviously.”

A-Yuan turned around with sparkling eyes, nearly bumping into someone. “Moi?”

Shen Jiu hit his forehead with his fan, making sure it wasn’t hard enough to leave a mark.

“Stop acting idiotic.”

“But annoying you is my favorite pastime.”

He rolled his eyes and walked ahead of A-Yuan, making him have to speed up just to keep up with Shen Jiu. “You cannot wield a sword like usual cultivators, so I had to find some other way for you to protect yourself.” He explained slowly and felt Shen Yuan’s demeanor shift.

“I see… thank you, for caring about me.” Shen Yuan said softly. He couldn’t see the way Shen Jiu’s face softened, eyes becoming unguarded.

To be honest, although he’d decided against letting A-Yuan learn talismans at first, he certainly didn’t want the other man to be defenseless. There may be a time –however much he may want against it– that A-Yuan would be alone and have to defend himself. In such a circumstance, he’d be too vulnerable the way he was now. So Shen Jiu sifted through all kinds of self-defense weapons to find one that could help A-Yuan out without giving him too much confidence. It’s not like he wanted A-Yuan to wander off, after all.

They arrived at that small shop located on the outskirts of the town. Shen Jiu peered inside through a window before going inside first, doing a surveying glance around the shop before allowing A-Yuan to come inside. The room was small, tidy, but completely full. Rows of weapons stacked neatly and without a speck of dust to be seen. Shen Jiu could smell incense in the air and see the coiling strands of smoke from behind the counter, where a familiar older woman sat.

Shen Jiu walked up to her. “I’m here about a request I made a while back, Lie.”

A strange name, but he didn’t care enough to judge.

“Ah, I remember.” Her voice was still as gravelly as ever, “of course, give me a moment.”

As she stood up she shot Shen Yuan a long, thoughtful glance. Before she then retreated into the back room. Before either of them could say anything, she was already back and with a small wooden box in her hand. Lie towered over the both of them as she stood on the other side of the counter, putting the box down and opening it up. Inside was a long hairpin made from white jade. It was cold to the touch when she handed it over to Shen Jiu.

“Thank you.”

Lie nodded thoughtfully. “Not many pay first, thank you for trusting me.”

Shen Jiu wouldn’t call it trust, he just knew she was reliable. He checked to make sure it wasn’t tampered with. The engravings seemed to match the use. He also studied the design to see if it held to his standards, and found that it was marvelously crafted. At the end of the hairpin was one long, elegant feather that curled much like a fern would. The softness normally found on feathers was there, but when he dragged a finger across the bristle-like edges, they were sharp enough to leave a dent on his fingertip, and just blunt enough to not damage hair. A few smaller feathers lined the main one, tapering off into soft curls that wrapped around the base.

 He turned to face A-Yuan and handed him the hairpin.

“How will this keep me safe?” A-Yuan asked as he held it like it was a holy artifact. “It’s beautiful, don’t get me wrong! I just… don’t know how to use it.”

Shen Jiu offered a wry smile. “There are inscriptions within the hair piece. The talisman within will activate when the user wills it to.” He then stepped forward and placed his hand upon Shen Yuan’s. The cold jade separated their palms, but their fingers grazed one another. “If you need to run away, then use this. It will create an impenetrable smoke that no one else can see through except for you.”

“Smoke? I thought that you’d pick something more violent.”

“I would’ve, but I suspected that you wouldn’t want that.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes widened, then he nodded slowly. “You’re right. Thank you for this, Jiu-ge.”

“Of course.” He then turned to stare at the older woman still staring at them. “Thank you.”

“It's no problem at all. Everyone needs a way to fight back, man or woman.” She then smiled, “I hope he puts it to good use.”

Shen Jiu felt unsettled for the first time since being here. His eyes narrowed as he took this woman’s appearance in once more. Something lingered in the edge of his memory, but he couldn’t grasp it. Making himself smile coldly, he nodded. “Exactly.”

“Those clothes, you are a part of Cang Qiong Sect, correct?”

“What of it?”

“Nothing, have a good day, esteemed cultivators.”

He grabbed A-Yuan by the forearm and pulled him outside. A-Yuan let him, trailing behind like a lost lamb, eyes wide and face confused. Shen Jiu did not stop until they were out of the town, only as the lights were snuffed out by trees and the sounds muffled did they stop.

He grabbed the hair pin from A-Yuan's hand and carefully held it. After checking it one last time and finding nothing wrong, he sighed and shook his head. “Lean forward.” He commanded and Shen Yuan listened, leaning forward slightly and bending his head so Shen Jiu could slide the hairpin into his hair. It seemed to emerge from his hair like a glacier emerged from dark waters. The light caught on the white jade and it glinted whenever he moved.

He smiled. “Perfect.”

A-Yuan yanked him into a tight hug. His face buried into Shen Jiu's shoulder, breath softly grazing his chest as he chuckled softly. “Thank you.”

“You have already thanked me twice.”

“I'll never stop thanking you. You care for me, and I’m sorry I had doubted you before. It was wrong of me and it's been eating away at me. I had to tell you. I'm so sorry, Jiu-ge. I know you just want what’s best for me.” Shen Yuan's voice was weak as he spoke, apologizing for things he had no idea were true. He was correct in doubting Shen Jiu, it was a truth that he intuitively seemed to understand. But to Shen Jiu's relief, A-Yuan didn't believe that he could do that. He didn’t see the beast under the flesh of a human. Shen Jiu was corrupted, but Shen Yuan did not see that. Maybe he simply refused to acknowledge it.

Shen Jiu did not deserve this. He did not deserve him. He was a foul beast just like every other man.

“It's fine. I forgive you, A-Yuan.”

“M'kay.” He nodded, forehead rubbing against Shen Jiu's shoulder.

For now, the issue was resolved.

“Let's go into town, I have some spare money.” Shen Jiu spoke with a smile and Shen Yuan perked up.

The town was the same as last time he visited. Busy and loud, but Shen Yuan was beaming as he went by each stall. He was immediately drawn into stalls with books and trinkets. His eyes would glide over the covers, occasionally picking up one to read a few sentences of before putting them back. Shen Jiu made a mental note of each book he picked up and didn't scowl at, deciding to return and purchase a few of them as a gift.

Then something terrible happened.

“Liu-Shidi!”

Shen Jiu tensed and cursed under his breath as that brute heard Shen Yuan's call, turning and his face softening as he walked over. Their eyes locked and they scowled at each other.

Shen Yuan was oblivious to this, a bright smile on his face. “What are you doing here?”

“...I came back from a mission.” The other man was awkward with his words, but Shen Yuan ignored that and instead brightened at the word ‘mission’. He put the book in his hands down on the table and turned to face him properly.

“Mission? What were you hunting?”

He hated this.

“...a beast… a winged horse-bird.” Liu-Shidi's face was red as he mumbled, looking down at his feet.

How Liu Qingge, so uncomplicated, so unstained, can just wander in and take away Shen Yuan’s attention. He was all brute-strength and simple and untouched and everything Shen Jiu wasn’t. 

“Ah, I know those! Those pegasus ripoffs! Did you collect the feathers? They're useful for silencing talismans.”

He despised this.

Liu-Shidi’s face became rigid before pulling out a bundle of feathers and handing them over to Shen Yuan. “Here.”

“Really? Are you sure?” Shen Yuan caressed the silver feathers with a gobsmacked expression.

“Yes.”

“T– Thank you.”

That was the last straw.

“We're leaving.” Shen Jiu forced out through gritted teeth as he grabbed Shen Yuan's wrist. He watched the brute’s eyes become stony when their eyes locked. He was about to say something but Shen Jiu literally dragged A-Yuan away from the bastard, trying to control his anger in case A-Yuan tried to talk to him. But Shen Yuan seemed to accept this and only bid Liu-Shidi farewell, caressing the soft feathers fondly.

Shen Jiu started to regret getting the hairpin in a feather style.

“Jiu-ge–”

“We're going back.”

“But–”

“We're going.”

“Shen Jiu!”

The shout caught him off guard. He felt the wrist pull itself from his grip and he turned to stare at Shen Yuan, who was rubbing his bruised wrist. He shot Shen Jiu a glare and crossed his arms. “Stop making decisions for me.”

“That brute will—”

“–do nothing to me. And even if he did want to, you could stop him anyway, right? So stop acting like there's a bounty on my head or some shit, it's tiring.” 

Shen Jiu bristled. “Tiring? I'm ‘tiring’ to you now?”

“Well, yes! I don't have any friends beside you and Yue Qi, and sometimes I feel like Yue Qi only tolerates me because of you.” Shen Yuan admitted and stared at his wrist. “It's not healthy.”

He couldn't help it, he laughed. His laughter made A-Yuan's head jolt up, eyes widening. Shen Jiu shook his head in disbelief and stepped toward Shen Yuan. “What are you saying? That we should spend more time apart? That I'm not good enough for you? That brute is better for you than me?” Shen Jiu's voice continued to raise, loud enough that he was glad this was all taking place outside of the town. “After all I've been doing for you– my only ally, and you want to replace me!”

“I don't want to– I didn't mean it like that!” Shen Yuan tried to say.

“Then what did you mean? How am I unhealthy for you?”

“Well… look at us. I suggested getting a new friend and you're acting like this.”

Shen Jiu inhaled sharply and brought a hand to his face. “Because someone of your status cannot simply ‘get a friend'. Surely you understand even that.”

“Don't talk to me like I'm stupid. And it wouldn't be just anyone, it'd be Liu-Shixiong.”

“That bastard had no good intentions.”

“And you do?” Shen Yuan snapped and froze, seeming to realise how his words hit.

Shen Jiu paused for a moment. He then walked up to Shen Yuan and grabbed his wrist. “I do. You know I do, don't you? Everything I do is for you. Everyone I hurt is for you. Everywhere we go, I put you first.”

Shen Yuan opened his mouth but no sound came out.

Why couldn’t he see that?

“I thought you understood me, A-Yuan.”

“I…” Shen Yuan trailed off. “I'm sorry, I really didn't mean to…” He looked lost, unsure what to say at Shen Jiu's emotionally charged revelations. After a moment of simply staring, his eyes lowered to his feet.

Shen Jiu sighed and dragged A-Yuan into a hug. His hands rubbed his back and he tried to soothe him. He felt so small beneath his arms and Shen Jiu tried not to let their fight get to his head. A-Yuan didn’t hate him, he didn’t despise him, it was all okay. “It’s okay, I forgive you.”

Shen Yuan was fiddling with his fingers. “Thank you, Jiu-ge.” The movement of his hands brought attention to the angry bruise on his wrist, which sat like a cuff.

I did that.

Shen Jiu stood up and helped him onto his sword. “I am sorry, too.”

“It's fine.”

It wasn't, but he was happy to have Shen Yuan drop it.

The flight back was quiet, utterly quiet. Shen Yuan did not lean into him once, his hands settled but barely put any pressure on Shen Jiu’s body. It felt like he was holding him out of necessity, not enjoyment. The wind felt even harsher, sharper against their bodies as though trying to cut them open. When he landed, Shen Yuan walked off and he did not follow.

Shen Jiu wandered around a bit, equal parts infuriated and disappointed. This was supposed to be a good day for them. His gift had been finished, Shen Yuan had accepted it with a smile and blush, and then Liu Qingge came in and ruined it. With his beastly eyes watching Shen Yuan as he gave him the feathers, the blush on his cheeks that looked more like the blood that probably stained them constantly. A brute like that had no place near his Shen Yuan. It was people like that-- those with brute strength-- that always ended up trying to get their way through power, and Shen Jiu refused to let that happen to Shen Yuan.

But now he’s been made out to be the monster in this situation, and even though Shen Yuan forgave him it still felt icy between them. He knows Shen Yuan will give in and go back to normal, he always does in the end, but it was utterly infuriating.

I’m trying to stop what happened to me from happening to him, why can’t he see that?

He paced and paced, then stared at the time of day and decided to go mediate under the oak tree. He closed his eyes but no peace came his way. All he saw were the bruises on Shen Yuan’s wrist. Shen Jiu then decided to go visit the library to read, and certainly not to see if he could catch a glimpse of Shen Yuan. He wasn’t there. Shen Jiu scowled even further and a person near him scampered away as inconspicuously as possible. No books there caught his fancy. Instead he wandered around the Peak.

Then night arrived, and he knew where Shen Yuan would be.

He went back to their room and saw a light from the window. Shen Yuan never seemed to remember to close the curtains. Shen Jiu stepped inside and immediately tugged them closed with more force than necessary. He stared at the white fabric bunched in his fist, ignoring the person behind him that was getting ready for bed. Shen Jiu stood like that for a moment, then exhaled sharply and turned to get ready as well. He would not cower away because of a little silent tantrum.

He changed his robes swiftly, watching Shen Yuan to gauge his current mood. Shen Yuan’s face was carefully, artificially blank. His hands were steady but pale. His eyes tense but still. He was already sitting on his side of the bed, facing away from Shen Jiu. His shoulders didn't shake as he undid the hairpin from his hair. Tender fingers carefully slid it out and hair fell in ripples of black. He placed it on the nightstand with a barely audible thunk that sounded like a firework in the utterly silent atmosphere.

The moon was hidden behind clouds, so the bedroom was shrouded in black and barely visible. Shen Jiu brushed his hair as A-Yuan slipped under the covers. A-Yuan had forgotten to brush his hair, which Shen Jiu always insisted on doing for him. His lip twisted at that. He brushed his hair for what felt like another thousand times until he was forced to put it down and slide beneath the covers as well. Shen Yuan was breathing quietly and steadily, but Shen Jiu knew he was still awake. His body was too rigid for the comforting embrace of sleep. But with his back facing Shen Jiu it was impossible to tell if his eyes were open– if they were, they'd be resting on Shen Jiu’s gift, which seemed to catch whatever little moonlight there was and glow enchantingly.

How could he not see Shen Jiu’s point of view? Even when staring at his gift, which he’d put so much effort into. How could he look at that and still get so giddy over some stupid feathers given to him by an awful, aggressive beast? Did he not see what Wu Yanzi was like? What Qiu Jianluo was like? Did he really not recognise their habits in Liu Qingge? Shen Jiu was just looking out for him.

He wanted to burn those feathers,

He wanted to burn these memories.

He could almost feel a hand resting on his shoulder and he wished so dearly that it was A-Yuan’s, even when it felt cold and unreal and reminded him of–

He screwed his eyes shut.

Shen Yuan felt so far away, even more so then when Qiu Jianluo had him on those pills. Shen Jiu was scared he’d get too far one day, and all he’d be able to feel were the ghosts that haunted him. How could the nicest person he’d ever met be so cruel as well?

Notes:

I finally have the outline fully fleshed out! So this story has a concrete ending. I know a lot of people don't like to be spoiled on the ending, but others also don't like reading books with sad endings. My question to you all is: do you want this story to be tagged with either 'happy ending' or 'sad ending'? It would count as a spoiler, but I know it's hard for people to get attached to characters only to have to read a horrible ending for them.
Edit: There's already so many people wanting it tagged, so I'll put the ending in the tags. Even though it wasn't a sad ending, I wanted to add it just in case people were anxious while reading. Thank you for the feedback :]

Chapter 17: Generational Inheritance Incoming!

Notes:

This is it! The moment we've all been waiting for! Hope you enjoy this chapter :]
P.S, I took all your words into account and there's officially an ending tag. Yes, despite all this pain, there is a happy ending waiting for them all.

Their Peak Lord was leaving today.

Shizun was leaving.

Shen Yuan… didn’t really know how to feel about that. He sat in the sun, the warmth coating his skin with a soft ease that didn’t reach his heart. He knew Shizun was going somewhere better– actually, scratch that– phrasing it like that made it sound like he was dead and going to heaven– but, he is going to heaven, technically, so it still counted. Wait, is the heavenly realm in this universe the same as the concept of heaven on Earth? If not, where do they go when they die? Oh… right, there’s a different afterlife!

Wait a minute… does the phrase ‘they’re looking down at you’ not count here if the afterlife isn’t in the sky? The train of thought was more jumbled than usual. His nerves made him antsy and he took all the stress out in the best way possible: nitpicking and arguing. And since he was the only one here then all he had to nitpick was his own words, and all he had to argue with was own thoughts. So he spent quite a while like that, sunbathing and disagreeing with himself in his own head.

Old habits die hard. Shen Yuan spent so much of his past life arguing he’s surprised he didn’t turn out to be a total dick in this one. Maybe the situations he was put in never called for his peerless talent in arguing and being snarky. Sigh… maybe one day.

It was still early in the morning, but the ceremony would be starting soon. Shen Yuan decided not to go, even though he’d probably be allowed to if he asked. After all, Shizun had indeed given him special care, as though he was a tier under Head Disciple. What would that make him? Second Head Disciple? Honorary Disciple? A Poor Thing Shizun Felt Like He Needed To Help?

Alas, he couldn’t bring himself to ask, and not because he was upset that Shizun was going to leave, or that everything was about to change. No, it was instead because this was for Shen Jiu. This would be his moment to inherit the title of Peak Lord. This was his time to shine, and if Shen Yuan was there, he knew he’d just get in the way.

And if it was also because he was still mildly upset at Shen Jiu, then no one else needed to know that except himself.

Besides, Shen Jiu deserved to have this moment with Shizun before he vanished from their lives like smoke.

So he sulked in the sun. The day started off dull: Shen Jiu had gotten ready while Shen Yuan lingered in the background and pretended to ignore him. The tension between them was still high, but he knew he wouldn’t be able to keep up the attitude when Shen Jiu returned as the new Peak Lord. After Shen Jiu had left, he dragged himself to a grassy area wedged between the bamboo and kitchens. The soft breeze that drifted his way carried with it the lovely scent of pork, cabbage and dough. Were they making dumplings? His mouth watered at the thought but he remained laying, staring at the spot next to the sun until his eyes stung. Once that was too unbearable, he instead closed his eyes.

Time passed just enough that each time he finally got comfortable and about to doze off, the shadow from the kitchen would shift onto him. His face would scrunch up and he’d shuffle across. Then time passed and the stupid shadow would dare to touch him again. And again! The shadow was so cold and he found it wholly unpleasant. Seriously, he just wanted some sunshine here! Who cared how long he stayed out here? He was certain he’d enjoy the shade more when summer rolled around and the sun became too hot. Until then, he was fine baking himself in the sun like a cookie. What were the UV light measurements like here? Should he worry about sunburn?

Whatever.

He laid back and closed his eyes, enjoying the reddish-pink colour of his own eyelids.

Maybe ten or so minutes passed when the shadow crawled over his body. He grumbled and cursed it once more, rolling over like a dying worm until he felt the sun on him once more. He hadn’t even bothered to open his eyes. A second later, the shadow followed him! His eyes shot open and Shizun was staring down at him.

“Fuck!” He startled so hard he jumped, his hands digging into the dirt before slipping and sending him toppling back into the ground. He rushed to stand, slamming his hands together and bowing to hide his burning cheeks. Just sunburn, that’s right, nothing to be embarrassed about! Forget the fact that this man just watched him rolling around in the grass like a pig. “S- Shizun! I thought you’d left already!”

He smiled down at Shen Yuan with a wistful smile. “There is more than enough time for one more farewell.”

“Ah, r-right. Sorry.” Shen Yuan mumbled and cursed his red cheeks. He made himself raise his head to stare up. “What did you want to say?”

When Shizun spoke, his voice was light. But his gaze held the weight of entire oceans within it, full of depth and emotion and secrets he could never hope to fully comprehend. “Chapter seventy-six.”

“Understo- ah… what?” Shen Yuan fumbled to understand those words. “What book? The notebook you gave me?”

“One last lesson.” Shizun responded, his eyes almost looking distant, as though looking beyond Shen Yuan and into the eyes of another disciple. The smile he offered Shen Yuan was full of a bittersweet joy –not tarnished by the seeping soft sadness within it– but rather accentuated. His eyes burned with the unbridled emotions within, and for the first time, Shen Yuan was privy to them all. Like the veil pulled over them had been disintegrated by that heat. He wasn’t just looking at Shizun anymore, but rather another human being. Who do you see when you look at me? He wanted to ask but held his tongue, knowing fully well that if he didn’t ask it now, he’d never know the answer to that question. “You’ll have to find that answer yourself, young Shen Yuan.”

“I’m not young anymore…” He mumbled, but his heart wasn’t in it.

“Of course, my apologies.” He spoke with untainted lightness once more; a cloud untouched by sun or shade, simply floating by. “When you don’t celebrate birthdays it can be hard to keep track.”

Well, it’s not like he knows when this body was born, or how old it was! He was just—! Before he could launch himself into another mental tangent to distract himself from his building emotions, Shizun leaned toward him, and with a familiarity that felt foreign, gently straightened Shen Yuan’s ruffled collar. The touch never grazed his skin but he still shivered, feeling it in his bones. The touch was brief but full of gentle, parental care. It was also full of finality. That scared him more than anything else, and he rushed to hide that fear with a smile, because he didn’t want his last expression to Shizun to be a frown or tears. “...thank you, Shizun.”

“I must be departing now. Be well, Shen Yuan.” That hand moved to settle on his head.

“S-same to you.”

A moment of silence, then Shizun left. His form was haloed by the sunlight he walked into, like the universe was consuming him whole. He stared after for a long while, until the shadow his own body created was now the thing moving across the ground like a snail. He stared down at the grass as his head became too heavy, looking at the blades of soft, tender grass shifting in the slight breeze. His body had been flattening several sections, and he watched as those blades of grass would slowly lift up once more and stand with the rest.

“Seventy six…” Shen Yuan mumbled to himself, then groaned loudly.

He hated riddles!

What could Shizun be referencing? It was obviously important to be his ominously chosen last words.

He lifted his head once more, wondering how Shen Jiu was feeling. Soon he’d have the entirety of the Peak on his shoulders. Shen Yuan was still upset at him… but for the sake of keeping Shen Jiu stable, he’d probably have to sacrifice this fight and just give in. It wasn’t like that thought made him happy, but this moment in history was just another second in the minutes leading up to Luo Binghe’s arrival. So there was just too much on the line for him to hold onto a grudge, even when he still winced while moving his wrist. He stared down at it, the bruises a light green and already almost gone. His stare became pensive. It didn’t really feel that fair, but he supposed if lives were at stake, he’d just have to… get over it.

Besides, he missed bickering with Shen Jiu anyway. With no one else around him to call a friend or even an acquaintance, he was starting to miss teasing and being annoying.

Seventy-six, his mind reminded him and he savoured the sudden distraction. He brushed dead leaves and dirt that stuck to the back of his robes. He then went to the library and stood before all of the books with mounting trepidation.

Was he going to have to go through all of these?!

This was a scholar’s peak! Half of the stuff here had more than a hundred chapters!

He lamented for his poor head and eyeballs, then walked forward and picked up the first book that was too thick to be under fifty chapters. He stopped, then groaned loudly.

…What about the poetry books that were thin but also had hundreds of chapters?!

 

---

 

He doesn't care. He really doesn't. Shen Jiu does not care in the slightest that his Shizun will depart from this realm today. He knew it was coming so it wasn't a surprise, and therefore, he wasn't upset by it.

It was the opposite, as now he was going to be the new Peak Lord. He'd grown into an adult, which didn't help him from feeling like that weak orphan he would alwa– today is a good day. It is an acquisition of power. An inheriting of title and status.

So of course he's delighted. It was the cold winter morning behind his numb body, not the realisation of the soon-to-be absent Shizun. It was having to stand for the entire time that made his legs shaky and unstable, not the fact that he’d be losing what was probably the only other certainity in his life. It was Yue Qi beside him that was making him irritated, not that he hadn't been able to utter even a single word to Shen Yuan before leaving. That last one left a foul aftertaste in his mind. Shen Yuan had been sitting at the table pointedly keeping his head lowered and eyes glued to his book. He usually brushed out Shen Yuan’s hair, but he’d been especially stone-faced today, so he’d not bothered staying until Shen Jiu finished brushing out his own hair. As a result, although he had been standoffish and distant, his hair had been a bird's nest.

Shen Jiu did feel the eyes on his back as he left, though.

And now, here he was.

The Peak Lords were all kneeling off to the side with their heads bowed as they chanted and prayed. The Head Disciples formed a neat line directly in front of a cave entrance. A thick smell of blossoms and wet soil lingered from the gaping injury cut deep into the mountain. Like a snake had burrowed into the stone, an impossibly smooth circle coated in lush foliage not meant for winter dangled. Soft, velvety ivy clung to the stone, their dark, thinly woven threads trailing over the surface. There was a faint light from inside, and fog illuminated by something unknown. It almost looked like clouds were being created by the cave; or the faint exhales of an unknown creature, breaths coiling into mist that floated out of the entrance.

The chanting stopped.

Shen Jiu watched as all the Peak Lords gathered around the cave's entrance. Ivy dangled like beaded curtains, blooming sun-yellow flowers fragrant and vibrant.

All the Head Disciples were here but Shen Jiu could only stare at Shizun as he crouched before him.

“You will be a strong Peak Lord.” His Shizun said with a smile.

“I will.” Shen Jiu swore, because he did not know what else to say. He could hear the others speaking well-thought out words to their Shizuns. But all he could do was agree, and maybe Shizun didn’t expect anything else from him, because his smile softened. His dark hair was falling over his shoulder as he held out a hand and placed it on his shoulder. Shen Jiu tensed at the foreign feeling. His attempt at impassivity was rapidly melting away, revealing the coward quivering within. Shen Jiu hated this sudden vulnerability between them. But what could he do? For Shizun’s eyes were boring into him with a ferocious intensity.

 “Take care of Shen Yuan.”

“I will.”

The hand moved to hover over his chest. Shizun did not touch him, but he kept his hand hovering over where his heart was beating frantically. He wished it would end already. He wished it would last forever. Shizun smiled, a laugh coming from parted lips. “You will protect our Peak, Shen Qingqiu.”

Shen Qingqiu.

Like water, or like submerging? Autumn, the death of everything around it; the resting period before a revival. Shen Jiu shivered as the new identity sat upon his shoulders and sank deep into him.

Shizun stood and bowed, his hair falling and hiding his face. What expression was he making? Shen Jiu wasn’t able to catch a glimpse before he turned and followed his peers into the cave. Their billowing white robes were swallowed by the white fog and the sounds of footsteps stifled. Shen Jiu stared after them with a strange emptiness in his chest. He was unsure why this was affecting him. He stared into the impenetrable mist and understood this was the first farewell he'd ever experienced without hate. His Shizun had parted the same way he'd come into his life. It was a foreign feeling to him. Everyone he had ever met or departed from left some kind of taint on him, but he didn’t have that with Shizun. It felt more like a gardener leaving after nurturing a small, struggling sapling. 

Now they had to wait.

Yue Qi was already meditating beside him, sitting down with his eyes closed, which were ringed with dark shadows from restless nights. His hair was done up perfectly, but no matter how well he hid his weakness, Shen Jiu would always see the exhausted man underneath that shell.

He sat down as well and the others followed suit. The grass was soft and damp with dew. He spotted that An Ding disciple cowering away from him, lingering at the other end of the clearing. His downcast eyes were watery and frail. It seemed he was already crying about his own Shizun's departure. How pathetic. Pathetic like you. Shen Jiu scowled and gnawed on his inner lip. The split flesh and blood in his mouth helped keep his thoughts in check.

Shen Yuan would probably be a bit teary-eyed if he were here too. He thought back to those eyes lingering on his back as he left, and wondered if Shen Yuan wanted to talk then. But he’d kept his mouth closed out of spite, as did Shen Jiu. He wouldn’t admit he was wrong, even when he noticed the slight bruising around his wrist. Shen Jiu bit down harder and more blood spilt into his mouth, it got between his gums and stained his tongue with its hot saltiness.

A lady dressed in purple walked over to pat the sniffling man's back and Shen Jiu averted his eyes.

How long were they supposed to wait?

He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing. In. Out. In. Out. In–

“Xiao Jiu.”

His eyes snapped open and he glared at Yue Qi. “What?”

“Where's A-Yuan?”

“He didn't want to come.”

He was still giving Shen Jiu the silent treatment.

“Really? That's surprising.”

Shen Jiu's eye twitched. “Are you implying that I'm lying?”

Yue Qi shrank back and hurried to shake his head, eyes filled with a frantic panic as always when it came to Shen Jiu. He almost missed how he could snap at Yue Qi when they were children, only to have those words be easily deflected by a kind smile. It had felt like he’d finally found someone who could bear his rough personality Now, any sharp word impaled the man and he’d start apologising. “Of course not, I apologize. I just thought… he might have wanted to say goodbye as well.”

“You thought wrong.”

A few of their peers had been eavesdropping on them, and the silence that fell over them was stifling. Fucking fantastic, Shen Jiu thought with a bitter smile, his first impression was already tainted beyond remedy. What were the chances that they wouldn’t immediately look at him and think he was a crude, cruel man? That he was too bitter and sharp for their liking? He’d already ruined his chances with two of them-- not that he cared to be friendly with either of them. It was fitting that he managed to ruin them before they had the chance to ruin him.

Even if he had been as polite and kind as he could manage, something would go wrong. Maybe Shen Jiu would let some of that vitriolic venom out of his canines, or he’d accidentally expose himself as a weak, pathetic orphan, no matter what it would’ve ended the same: him being betrayed or used. So, why should he care? It was better this way. He--

The atmosphere changed.

Everyone either rose to their feet or tensed. The air was so stifling it was impossible to breathe. The air had turned solid. Then everything melted in an instant, and the air could be inhaled. Like lightning finally striking, the charge evaporated instantly. Shen Jiu inhaled shakily. Somehow, he knew. Shizun was gone. They'd never talk again. He’d never see those kind eyes or that smile. He’d never feel that hand on his shoulder that would tell him how proud he was of Shen Jiu. He didn’t like this was actually affecting him. He shouldn’t care. This was just a strange man that had been in his life for some years. It was just a teacher, not some doting father. He shouldn’t care. He won’t care.

He stepped forward and turned to glare at Yue Qi. “We can go in now, right? He’s gone now. They all are.”

He heard someone whispering after his words and tensed. Yue Qi looked baffled at his words, like he was disappointed. Hah, of course. He probably wanted to see Shen Jiu cry, to see him act more human. But his humanity was not for others to see. He scowled and stepped further toward the cave. He glared and refused to meet the eyes of anyone other than Yue Qi. “If you want to wait for another sign, fine by me, but I want to get this done and over with.” He turned so he didn’t have to see their reactions. The look of dismay on Yue Qi’s face at seeing Shen Jiu act as he always did, at his Shidi and Shixiong’s faces as they realised the man they were stuck working alongside now. He hated it. He never got anything right when it came to other people, and they’d always end up thinking badly of him. No point trying to change that fact, really. It was better to distance himself and not let their views get to him.

He entered the cave and was startled at how warm it became. The winter wind no longer touched him and his robes fell still in an instant. He turned to check and found a curtain of coiling, damp white behind him. He hesitated, then turned and continued. Small white crystals were embedded into the cave’s walls, glimmering like fallen stars and staring at him as he continued forward. The warmth only became hotter, strings of steam sliding in the air. There was a sharp turn ahead of him and he sped forward, desperate to get this over with. He came to a sudden halt at what stood before him, for it had been the most beautiful thing he’d ever seen.

A tall, wide expanse that stretched in an ovular shape. Stalactites hung from a ceiling too tall for him to see and shrouded in mist. Stalagmites erupted from the floor like the palest of fingers, thin and regal. Their surfaces gleamed with a dull glow that illuminated the room. In the centre was a pond. A surface of liquid so still he almost mistook it for a firm, solid floor. If not for the droplets falling from the crystals above and hitting the water and creating ripples, he would’ve tried to walk across it.

Shen Jiu walked to the edge and spotted eight boulders to his left, each with the previous Peak Lord’s robes on them. Shen Jiu heard footsteps from behind him and knew that the others were finally coming in. He went to find Shizun's boulder quickly so he could escape without any conversation. He wasn’t in the mood to be accused of being heartless, especially after seeing his Shizun’s clothes. The reality of his absence sat even heavier in his chest. He was truly gone now. He’d never return. They hadn’t departed on bad terms but Shen Jiu absolutely loathed this feeling. In fact, this was worse than any other farewell. He couldn’t just shut those memories out. The smiles he was offered like he wasn’t scum, the confidence Shizun had in him to protect their peak. The way he put his hand on Shen Jiu’s shoulder and he didn’t feel complete disgust at another man touching him– it had been mild disgust, but for him that was nearly unheard of.

His eyes landed on the boulder furthest from him and spotted a thin, wooden fan resting on a set of white robes. He walked hesitantly and picked it up, letting it slide open with one swift movement.

A beautiful pair of cranes stared back at him, their eyes watching him in their eternal, idle dance.

Shen Jiu refused to admit that his eyes were stinging, he slid the fan into his sleeve and turned to stare at the other people, who had found their own boulders and were in various stages of excitement and grief. Yue Qi was staring at his new robes with an impassive face. As though sensing Shen Jiu’s eyes, he turned to stare back and he tried to smile but it was obvious he was still upset from earlier. Still, he walked over to Shen Jiu, robes in hand. “Selenite, it helps purify one’s state. It’s marvelous how many natural crystals have formed here, especially with this lake, don’t you agree?”

It was an obvious olive branch, but Shen Jiu found himself too tired to come up with a rude comment and instead nodded. The branch had been shoved into his hands and he was too exhausted to throw it back. “I suppose. I’m going back to… my peak now.”

“Ah, of course. Then goodbye Xiao Jiu.”

Shen Jiu’s lips twisted involuntarily. “Shixiong.” He then spun and stormed out before anyone else could approach him. He wanted to go back to his peak.

The world was frigid and unwelcoming as he left that cave, even colder upon reaching his home and seeing that Shen Yuan wasn't in their room. Was he still upset with him? Shen Jiu felt his rage warm his body. He stormed in the darkness like a forest fire, burning from the inside with no one to witness. He was the Peak Lord of this entire peak, so why was it so cold and silent toward him? The bundle of robes in his hands kept him warm, and he decided to go change into them despite it being night.

He walked inside Shizun’s old house, seeing it completely empty. His belongings were still there, likely automatically handed down to him as it didn’t seem like he had any living family left. Shen Jiu walked around his new territory, drinking in the sight. It was further up the peak, so the wind was stronger. It slammed into the walls but they held sturdy and strong. A window had been left open, the curtains fluttering loudly like a chorus of bird wings. He went over and closed it. Why wasn’t it cold in here then? He turned to study the room and in the centre, sitting on top of the table, was one of Shen Yuan’s talismans.

“Welcome back.” He heard Shen Yuan’s quiet voice. He turned and Shen Yuan was sitting next to a half-full bookshelf, some of his books already stacked in it. It looked like he’d been going through Shizun’s, too. “I figured we’d be here now, and it kinda smelled like old dust. Not to mention that it was cold, and after opening the window to air it out it got even colder so I–”

Shen Jiu stormed over and dragged him into a hug. The robes slipped from his hand and crumpled onto the floor.

A second later, Shen Yuan hugged back. “He’s… really gone then.”

“Indeed.”

“And you’re the one left in charge.”

“Indeed I am.”

He heard Shen Yuan huff a laugh into his shoulder. “It doesn’t feel right. It doesn’t feel like he’s gone.”

“Well he is.”

“I know that.” He snapped half-heartedly, before sighing. “I meant– well, I’m gonna miss him. He was nice, weirdly so sometimes.”

Shen Jiu never really wanted to admit it, but deep down inside, he felt the same. In the darkness of this last night together as simple disciples, Shen Jiu’s mask slipped slightly and he shuddered. “He was a… formidable man.”

 

---

 

Yue Qingyuan stared after him, feeling a sharp pang of longing, sorrow and regret. Emotions that had worn over time into a dull ache. Xiao Jiu's form had been beautiful, skin like jade and glowing in the light of the selenite. His eyes seemed softer as he cradled his Shizun's old fan, and Yue Qingyuan had hoped –pitifully so– that he could finally be trusted to see within his mind. It was for naught. Xiao Jiu was too defensive around him. In that split second his head turned and saw Yue Qingyuan, his face closed off. That softness in his eyes froze immediately into the chill of an icy lake. Even the light upon his form did nothing to hide the coldness.

“What's his issue?” A voice mumbled from behind him.

Yue Qingyuan turned and stared at the owner of the voice. “He's going through a lot, he's usually much more… calmer.” He couldn't help but defend him, it poured from his mouth automatically. Yue Qingyuan recognised the voice as the newly titled Peak Lord of An Ding Peak, Shang Qinghua.

The man in question squeaked. “O– Of course! He must be already missing his Shizun. I do too, I understand him fully!” His hands wrangled each other as his eyes darted to and off Yue Qingyuan's face.

Yue Qingyuan let his shoulders unwind now that it no longer sensed any danger or ill-will toward Xiao Jiu.

“By the way, what was this about a brother? I, uh, couldn't help but overhear you two earlier!” Shang Qinghua stuttered and rubbed his fingers, which had the faint grey tint of old ink to their skin.

Yue Qingyuan felt another protective flare at A-Yuan's mention, but forced that down as well. “Indeed, Shen Qingqiu has a brother, I figured you all knew that.”

“Well I've never seen him, so… anyway, just wanted to confirm! They must be close, huh?”

Close was one way to put it.

“Are you close to them? I couldn't help but you and Shen Qingqiu are, well, c–chummy?”

Yue Qingyuan did not like this questioning, which must've shown in his expression as the man's face paled. He opened his mouth to backtrack but Yue Qingyuan spoke anyway. “I suppose.”

In truth, Yue Qingyuan sometimes felt like Xiao Jiu didn't want him around A-Yuan, which had made it harder to reconnect with the man. Now it felt like there was a wedge between them he couldn't get past. He knew he had a habit of inadvertently thinking of A-Yuan as an extension of Xiao Jiu, which certainly didn't help. But it was hard to separate them when his memories were so laden with guilt and remorse that all he could remember was the night he left them. The nicer memories surfaced occasionally, and he held them like one would a young kitten, afraid it would slip and fall back into that hazy abyss of nostalgia. Even though the memories bit and clawed back at him with regret and longing, he refused to let them go. He wanted to fix that wedge but he just didn't know how. He felt that even if he tried to, Xiao Jiu might treat him worse out of a fear that he had ill intentions toward A-Yuan. It was a wall he couldn't get past.

Xiao Jiu would be busier now, maybe he could use that as a chance to reconnect with the other man. It was because of him that he and Xiao Jiu even talked to each other, after all. He had a lot to thank A-Yuan for.

Shang Qinghua's nerves seemed to have won and he stopped asking questions, instead scampering off toward the exit after stuttering out a quick farewell. He realised the others had been leaving during their conversation. He sat on the rock with his previous master's robes clutched in his hands. It was already so tiring. This name sat upon his shoulders with a weight so immense he felt like he could collapse any second.

He looked to the gaping darkness ahead of him, then to the ceiling above him. The glimmering, serene jewels and calming steam did nothing for the turmoil in his head. There was a ceiling of stars and all he could do was ponder the man who had wandered into the darkness, along with his strange and gentle companion.

Yue Qingyuan returned to his Peak the Lord of it, and whenever someone would congratulate him that feeling festered. His thoughts became harder to ignore, darker than night. The sun had long since set by the time he returned to his new home. His Shizun had left it clean and empty, his belongings either donated or sold. The furniture remained, and his fingers danced upon the edges of the tables and desks as he wandered around his abode. It was devoid of warmth.

He went to make tea to calm himself. He measured the tea leaves, let the steam from the teapot warm them, then slid them in. A steady heat slowly absorbed the flavor, and after a while of steeping, figured it was ready. The smell was already not a good sign. He sat down anyway and poured himself a cup.

He took a slow sip.

Bitter.

“Of course.” He whispered.

They would hate it.

And as always, his first thought was them. Always them, always out of reach.

“Of fucking course!”

His fist smashed the cup and scalding hot liquid sept into the cuts in his hand. His fist grinded against the surface and those ceramic edges wedged deeper in his flesh. Yue Qingyuan screwed his eyes shut and shuddered, feeling his frustration threaten to boil over. Keeping everything inside was getting to him. Having to keep up this facade that he was okay with losing the only people that mattered to him, then be unable to reconnect properly with either of them. He wasn't okay with this! Oh how he fucking missed being with them. With a small Xiao Jiu falling asleep on his shoulder. With an even smaller A-Yuan pouting as they beat him at his own chess game. Xiao Jiu's smile as they got food. How Shen Yuan's frail body clung to him as his body was seizing and his own organs revolting against him. Their trust. It was hell but it was theirs to live in together. Now Xiao Jiu hated him and A-Yuan was even worse– he seemed indifferent.

So how the fuck could he ever be okay?

And now the weight of all these Peaks sat on his shoulders and he wanted to throw them as far as he could. He was sick of having to smile! Smile to horrible cultivators who thought he was naive! Smile to his fellow peers when they asked him for help all the time! Smile whenever Shen Yuan looked at him like a stranger– a distant sort of kindness. Smile even as Xiao Jiu treated him like he was a hellspawn. And maybe he was. Maybe he deserved this.

Yue Qingyuan never cried, but he certainly got close to it then. He kept grinding his fist into the fragments and hoped the pain would help. The tea got into his wounds and stung. How pathetic. Shizun would be sneering at him if he saw who took over his Peak.

Shizun… He did not know how to feel. That man was paranoid, and in some ways it reminded him of Xiao Jiu. Was he always like that? Did being the Sect Leader do that to him? Was Yue Qi going to end up like that? He raised his hand and watched the blood dot around the pieces of porcelain still stuck in his flesh. He sighed and stood up, going to the nearby stream to wash his hand. He used his qi to eject the foreign objects, watching as they sank to the bottom of the stream, too heavy to be carried by the water.

His hand protested its earlier treatment, stinging and throbbing as he stared down at the punctures.

He didn’t care how he ended up, as long as he was in the position to protect Xiao Jiu and A-Yuan. He could erode for all he cared, a statue turning into dust in the never-ending tides of the world. And even then, he would happily let them scoop up his ashes and use those if they saw fit. As long as he was able to fully repay them for the mistakes he made in the past, then his very body— his soul, was worth it.

His hand was numb from being in the cold stream for so long. It was no longer bleeding. He stood up and watched the last streaks of red be absorbed by the water, until it appeared that his blood never even existed at all. Yue Qi stared, and stared, then turned and walked back to his new home. He saw the stone walls, and found that he preferred bamboo instead.

 

---

 

Shen Yuan ran the comb through Jiu-ge’s hair once more. It was one of those rare moments where Jiu-ge was either too tired or to mentally exhausted to keep those walls of his fully raised up. And although they were still there, they were lowered. Shen Yuan was allowed to peek over them and see the vulnerable man within.

He’d been combing for the past ten minutes, but neither of them were willing to end it. So Shen Yuan let his slightly achy arms raise once more, and the comb glided through his hair like fingers dipping into water. He smiled and hummed as he did this, though Shen Jiu was facing the window and could not see the smile on his face. Shen Yuan wondered what was going on in that head of his. He was the Peak Lord now. He was Shen Qingqiu. He’d finally, treacherously, inherited the title of the scum villain. A sharp pang of anxiety nearly stopped his humming, but he forced the tune out of his throat anyway.

Shen Jiu… would he continue to abuse his disciples, leer at Ning Yingying (which, at this point, Shen Yuan knew without a doubt that Shen Jiu never did that. He'd never be perverted toward another, especially a young girl), and torture Luo Binghe? Would he doom them all down the same path? What was even the point of Shen Yuan being here if not to find a way to change their fates?

Shen Yuan refused to let that happen. He would find a way to change fate. He had to, because if not, then Shen Jiu… he would end up limbless and alone. Knowing what he did now, that would be a fate not just worse than death, but basically death itself. It would be the death of his joy. The death of his autonomy. The death of his humanity. The death of his soul. Truly, Luo Binghe managed to find a way to kill everything Shen Qingqiu had except his body, which he left as a prison for his sentience to be trapped in. Shen Yuan shivered at the mere thought. He was someone who valued autonomy above all else. The ability to make your own decisions, to choose the way you want to live your life. It was something he treasured, and knowing that it was all taken away from Shen Jiu, it left a gaping hole in his chest.

He had to change it. He didn’t know how, but he knew he had to, and he would.

“Jiu-ge, you should probably go to sleep now.”

“And you?” Jiu-ge murmured, sounding almost disappointed as the comb was pulled away from his hair and placed on the nightstand.

“I’m going to do a little reading, but I’ll be going to sleep soon too.”

“Don’t stay up late.” He must be especially tired to not try and convince Shen Yuan to go to bed as well.

Shen Yuan laughed and patted his head. “Of course not.” He laughed again as the hand was gently smacked away, and Jiu-ge moved to shuffle under the covers. “Tomorrow will be your first day as the Peak Lord of Qing Jing Peak, you need all the energy you can get.”

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes but smiled. “Goodnight, A-Yuan.”

Shen Yuan stood and went to Shizun’s old personal office.

He sat on the floor and as time passed, a ring of mountains formed around him as he had piles of books surrounding him. A candle sat behind him, on Shizun’s old desk, which made the shadows both long and wildly mobile. He went through each one and read the seventy-sixth chapter before tossing it to the side with a loud groan. He was sick of this! He wanted to sleep! But curiosity drew him in and locked his knees so he was stuck here next to his building walls of books. The paper had him ensnared, echoing back at him Shizun’s voice.

That was Shizun’s last, final lesson to him. It had to be important!

Then, he paused as he saw a book sitting on Shizun’s old desk. It sat right beside the candle, and the red cover seemed to almost glow. He stood up and walked over to it slowly, sitting down where his Shizun used to sit and tracing a finger across the raised surface of the name, which was sewn onto the fabric cover with black thread. Tao Te Ching? Shen Yuan scoffed, despite himself. Had Airplane ripped that from their world and put it in here? He wanted to wring that author’s neck! 

He had a feeling this was what his Shizun wanted him to find. He shuffled closer to the desk. The fire from the candle warmed his cheek from how close his face was to it, and he opened it to the right chapter.

‘A man is born gentle and weak.

At his death he is hard and stiff.

Green plants are tender and filled with sap.

At their death they are withered and dry.

Therefore the stiff and unbending is the disciple of death.

The gentle and yielding is the disciple of life.

Thus an army without flexibility never wins a battle.

A tree that is unbending is easily broken.

The hard and strong will fall.

The soft and weak will overcome.’

…

…The soft and weak will overcome, huh?

He smiled, something small and fragile. His lips almost hurt as their dry skin was pulled into the tight expression. He closed the book and sat his hands upon it as though it was holy text. The soft fabric caressed his hands back. Shen Yuan hesitantly pulled it onto his lap and felt the letters of the title once more in silence. He tilted back until his head hung backwards and his shoulders hit the floor. Shen Yuan stared out the window and at the bright moon staring down at him.

Shizun really had been a good man.

He went to bed with a smile still on his lips, and noticed that Jiu-ge was still awake. It reminded him of past times. When Jiu-ge went out with Wu Yanzi and Shen Yuan was left alone, laying in bed and waiting for Jiu-ge to come back so he could finally let his tired eyes slip shut and go to sleep. He shuffled into the bed and closer to Shen Jiu, moving a hand so it sat upon his own. Shen Jiu’s entire arm went tense, then it finally relaxed.

“Goodnight, Jiu-ge.” He finally replied, and they both drifted off to sleep together.

Notes:

The disciple arc is officially over, and we've moved onto the Peak Lords. The Plot™ and Protagonist is barreling toward them and they are so not prepared for it.

Thank you for reading, I hope you enjoyed this chapter!

Chapter 18: The New Norm– We Have Jobs Now?!?

Spring had sept into the sun’s warmth, but the room he currently occupied still felt cold. Shen Jiu had enjoyed it in the morning, when the light fell upon his back and warmed his robes, but then the day had continued on and the sunlight slithered across the floor until it sat next to him. He glared at it for a long moment in between writing, but it never listened to him, always just out of reach. Not to mention that despite being spring, the winter’s wind was still holding on, not yet warmed by the shifting seasons. So with each flutter of silk curtains, coldness crept through his hair and across the back of his neck.

Shen Jiu was currently sitting at his new desk, back perfectly straight as he’d forced himself to do even in private. His arms rested on the surface in perfect straight lines. But the hand holding his brush was tense, the knuckles white and aching. Shen Jiu glared down at the papers before him, each written in Shang Qinghua’s awful handwriting. Each word seemed to form endless lists of supplies required, budgets made and needing to be upheld, previous purchases and their current status in being made. It all made his vision swim. He’d been sitting here since the sun rose, and now it had crept across the room and he was still in the same position.

To his left were stacks of ledgers, missives and scrolls. To his right were a few flowers Shen Yuan had picked after declaring the room dreadfully dull and dark. A few jasmine stems, their white, five-petaled bodies filling the air with a scent more subtle and sweet than incense. The room was pristine, refined and empty. A few shelves with books, a few of Shen Yuan’s horrible romance novels mixed in. He didn’t see Shen Yuan use this room often, so he must’ve put those there by mistake when cleaning, or maybe he’d run out of room for them in his own bookshelves. Shen Jiu was still in the process of adjusting and learning, but there were more eyes on him now. He had to remain perfect if he wanted his image to be upheld. So he refused to let himself make a single mistake, often spending twice the needed amount of time on each document or letter.

He stared at the words, which seemed alive and worm-like.

Twenty bundles of silk and linen, because it seemed that the disciples had a habit of burning their own clothing. Forty jars of black ink and calligraphy brushes, because apparently someone had tipped over a storage shelf and spilt around fifty jars- he’d heard that this shelf supposedly fell on top of another student, causing their skin to remain grey even after being washed. A replacement fifth string for two guqins, three whole guqins. That last one made his teeth grit. What have these snot-nosed brats been doing, beating each other with their instruments? Choking each other with the limited supply of strings? His Peak was for elegance and ingenuity, not this brutish behavior. Was this his fate? Looking after a pathetic parade of people?

All that fighting to the top. Blinding another disciple, getting stronger and smarter than every other one, keeping up to date with lectures and writings… all for this? Shen Jiu glared down at the paper, feeling the bitterness rush into his expression. 

Shen Jiu was already sick of this. The power was splendid, but it felt like the burdens were disproportionate to his responsibilities. He wasn’t getting his worth’s due from this. This was beneath him. He’d fought too hard just to be reduced to a caretaker.

There was a nervous knock at the door.

“Enter.” He snapped and a disciple slipped inside, face pale and trembling hands holding another stack of letters. Shen Jiu’s face narrowed into a sharp glare and the disciple flinched at this, rushing to place them over and bowing apologetically as they darted backwards out of his room. With their head bowed and hands clasped in front, they didn’t see the doorway and hit their ankle against the edge of it. A yelp, then scampered footsteps.

The silence was even louder now.

Shen Jiu stared down at the paper in front of him with a frustrated sigh. He needed to get out of this room before he burned it down in a fury. He stood and straightened his robes. He walked out of the room and noted that Shen Yuan wasn't here. He let out another annoyed sigh at that. It was harder to keep an eye on him when he had so much to do. He trusted Shen Yuan to not leave the Peak without his permission, but over time that would get harder when Shen Yuan became bored and lonely. Shen Jiu has been meaning to come up with a plan but he was always too busy, too tired, too distracted.

He stood in front of a mirror and studied himself. His robes were probably the most expensive, luxurious clothing he'd ever adorned himself with. The fabric was pure silk, a calming green like young bamboo shoots not yet exposed to the harsh elements. The sleeves flowed like leaves in the wind, their embroidered designs catching attention. Each detail was put together to show the visage of an elegant, perfect Peak Lord. But if someone were to extend their hand too close, that visage would be revealed to be a mirage, and the man underneath would be exposed. Hence, he didn’t let anyone get too close.

Sitting on the nightstand next to the mirror was an elegant fan. Shen Jiu studied it and wondered if his old Shizun ever doubted himself. He always seemed so untouchable and warm, like the sun in the sky. He bestowed light on others without ever seeming to lack any for himself. If that was an act, as Shen Jiu became increasingly suspicious of, then Shizun had been a greater liar than Shen Jiu would ever be. Just who was that man? He had been so gentle, so kind, that it felt fake at times. So maybe, he did have a kinship with the older man after all.

Shen Jiu spent a few more minutes tidying his robes and hair, then walked outside.

The disciples would be training their sword forms at this time of day. Shen Jiu had given them a schedule so that he could spend as little time near them as possible. But he had to make appearances every now and then.

Finally in the sun, he savoured the warmth. He never liked winter, something about the dreary and cold seemed to drain everything of its energy. It also penetrated even the thickest of robes, bringing him back to certain days in his past where he never had the appropriate clothing for the season. Where he had to wedge himself between walls in hopes that they could shelter him from the wind. It wasn’t like he had the healthiest body either, which he tended to forget when comparing himself to Shen Yuan. 

He heard training in the distance and folded his arms behind his back, straightening his back even further until it resembled the straight stem of bamboo.

The clearing was full of disciples. Some sitting down in the shade and sweating, others forming their own groups and helping each other go through their sword forms. A few preferred to train alone, beads of sweat on their faces as they concentrated. He watched, assessing their every move. Their forms were sloppy, stumbling their feet and fumbling their swords. Shen Jiu wanted to scoff at them, but they hadn't noticed him yet and he wanted to assess them before they inevitably saw him and began to mess up under the pressure of his gaze.

He saw a young boy slip on some muddy grass and stepped out into the clearing properly. His voice was cold as he spoke. “Pay attention to your environment, have I not told you this before? Do you want to end up gutted by your enemies?”

The disciple scrambled to his feet and bowed, rambling apologies and– huh, his skin was grey. Shen Jiu felt this boy to be a lost cause and ignored him.

The atmosphere tensed. He saw shoulders hike up and hands tremble. He scoffed aloud this time and continued to stand and watch as they went on with their forms. He picked apart each mistake with a ruthless precision; these kids were under his protection, he refused to let them be ill-fitted and injure themselves. The young girls giggling in the back. The young boys trying to play fight instead of pure theory and practice. The lone disciple who kept dropping his sword from his sweat slick palms. He made sure each of them knew what they were doing wrong.

Is this going to be the rest of my life? Correcting sloppy forms and weak grips? They are all so untalented. Pathetic. Mediocre. And now they're all under my care and I have to be responsible for each one of them. I see not a single asset, only liabilities.

He shook his head and stormed off, seeing a few heads flinch and turn his way, faces full of awe and hurt. They viewed him both as an untouchable Shizun and a cruel instructor. Shen Jiu stared ahead as he walked, wanting to keep his head high, but he felt like was slowly withering away inside. He hated this. He had wanted this– he still did. The power he had was addictive, the way people stared at him and sought him out because he was smarter than them. He craved it. But he also… hated it, feeling them all stare at him with increasingly hurt and discomfort faces. It wasn’t the thought of being a disappointment that uneased Shen Jiu. He couldn't give a shit what they thought about him. No, it was the creeping paranoia that was returning. Seeing the frowns on their faces, the obvious apprehension, he saw it all and started to wonder if they would turn on him soon.

He walked into the library, hoping for a book to distract himself. The Qing Jing Library was vast and empty of noise, most disciples either outside or reading quietly in corners. He wandered down the aisles listlessly when, suddenly, he heard a familiar voice from behind the shelves he was currently in front of. Shen Jiu walked to the edge and peered around it, spotting a flustered Shen Yuan cornered by three disciples. Shen Yuan looked a bit uncomfortable, but he was nodding along to whatever they were asking him. His hair was done up the way Shen Jiu had styled it this morning- complete with his hairpin piercing the bun sitting atop his head. His robes were also brand-new, a shade lighter than Shen Jiu’s, and instead of bamboo embroidery he had commissioned feathers for A-Yuan. Something to match his hairpin. Around his neck was a simple scarf of white silk, the loose ends running down the side of his chest and sitting upon his left breast.

The sun illuminated his back and ignited the dust in the air. They floated around him like specks of gold. Shen Yuan nodded eagerly and pulled a piece of paper from his sleeve, making grabbing motions at the nearest disciple to his left. The girl handed him a brush and he started to write. The disciples all crowded around him and Shen Jiu took the chance to creep closer and eavesdrop.

“–to put intention behind every symbol, or else it can easily backfire.” Shen Yuan explained and pulled back, his hands darting around like two fantails as he enthusiastically explained methods to making good quality talismans. The disciples around him watched with starry eyes and eager faces, absorbing every syllable that came from his mouth. They're completely captivated by him, hanging onto every word like he was their teacher. Shen Jiu watched his face carefully, seeing the way his face was lit by the sun and glowed. A long strip of shadow formed by his nose cut across his face, resting just above his smile like a dimple. His lashes looked especially dark when shrouded by the shadows, yet his eyes still glimmered.

Shen Jiu had suggested this a couple times in the past, but now the idea came back in full force.

He's genuinely enjoying himself. Probably not even a thought about leaving is passing through his mind right now. And they're all listening to him too.

A plan unraveled in his mind. The tugging of a single thread began to pull apart the entire cloth, until all he could think about was how to orchestrate this plan of his. Shen Jiu tore his gaze away from that glowing figure and silently left the library. Their soft chattering faded into the background, before the wind returned and the last lingering syllables were washed away.

Shen Jiu had been worried that his introverted personality would hinder his ability to potentially teach, but the moment the awkwardness wore off, his entire demeanor had changed. In truth, Shen Jiu had recalled a few fond memories upon watching that scene. A young Shen Yuan standing in a stream as he explained what a 'jeweled bird' or whatever was, or how he had invented a new game. His eyes lit up as he’d always eagerly explain these things to an equally young Shen Jiu. And he still did that to this day: as he read, he would always stop to either excitedly share something he just learnt, or angrily explain how it was wrong. Either way, he seemed to enjoy ranting about anything that fit in his mouth, which also happened to be every single topic and word in existence.

But he’d done a good job back there. None of that introverted reluctance.

Not to mention, if he took the role of teacher, he’d be too busy to wander off. He’d be distracted, busy and happy.

Shen Jiu wandered back to his house through the clearing of disciples, watching them tense up and start to mess up their forms. His body seemed to be a magnet that absorbed all of their courage and talent. His eyes drifted from them then to the memory within his mind of earlier. If it were Shen Yuan walking by they probably wouldn't be so terrified.

The house was warm, the wind having stopped a while ago. Shen Jiu sat back down at his desk and stared at the work before him.

This could work.

He spent the rest of the day working until he heard Shen Yuan coming inside. His feet pattered across the floor, stopped outside his door, and he knocked lightly. Shen Jiu leaned back and watched as Shen Yuan walked inside and smiled upon their eyes meeting. The incessant thoughts and doubts always seemed to ease when he came into view. Facing the sun directly, his lashes no longer seemed dark and thick. Rather they glowed near-golden as his eyes squinted from the light. He raised a hand to cover his eyes as he walked over and sat down across from him.

“You alright?” Shen Yuan rested his elbows on the desk, no longer having to cover his eyes as Shen Jiu’s body blocked the sun. “You look tired, how long have you been stuck indoors?”

Shen Jiu played out a sigh and leaned on the table, his chin settling on the heel of his palm. “It’s too much to keep track of, A-Yuan. The documents, the letters, those loud, dastardly children.”

“Well… they don’t seem that bad. They’re quite eager to learn if you teach them right.”

“I can’t do that and we both know it.” He said simply, and Shen Yuan faltered slightly. He seemed to understand that as well, he knew that Shen Jiu was not the best figure to look up to for children. He barely tolerated the children on the streets with him– co-existing with them out of necessity and because his precious Qi-ge would be upset about it. But his anger was a string under fire, and all those damned brats seemed to want to do were light matches. “But you… I’ve seen them when they are with you. You have a decent enough understanding of the foundational arts, and your patience is far superior than mine.” He didn’t have to play up his compliments, they were genuine enough to get his point across.

“You want me to teach?  You were being serious those previous times?” Shen Yuan’s eyes were wide, like he couldn’t believe Shen Jiu was actually handing over such a big part of his responsibilities. The intellect and skill of a Peak’s disciples were directly linked to the image of their Shizun. If the disciples were cruel, crude cheats then the world would see Shen Qingqiu as that. But with Shen Yuan… they had a somewhat passable chance of being mediocre.

He nodded. “I’ll appoint you as the junior disciple’s new primary instructor. I trust you’ll be able to teach lectures and visual demonstrations of talismans and other Qi techniques?”

“Y- Yes, of course! I won’t disappoint you, Jiu-ge!”

Shen Jiu smiled, satisfied. Shen Yuan was engaged enough with the idea that he’d put his all into it, and as a result making himself too busy to even consider leaving.

But he’d have to wait until the first lesson to see how it ended up working out.

“Shall we eat and sleep?” Shen Jiu offered and Shen Yuan nodded, standing up and rushing over to offer a hand to Shen Jiu and help him up. Shen Jiu rolled his eyes and took the offered hand, but not without complaining. “...I’m not an old man, I can stand on my own.”

“You say as you take my hand anyway.” Shen Yuan narrated and grinned at him once he was on his feet. The sun was lower in the sky, the shadows on his face long and making his face seem narrower. Shen Jiu stared for a moment, then smiled back at him and went to make their food. Shen Yuan followed like a lost puppy, staring in awe as Shen Jiu started to prepare the food: he always acted like he couldn’t cook as well. He used a knife to slice thin, even slices of the fish he’d caught earlier in the day. He then boiled the rice with tea-infused water, gesturing for Shen Yuan to make the broth exactly as he’d instructed him in the past. Cooking was a fine art to Shen Jiu. He did not waste food. He’d felt the violating pang of hunger within his very body, eating him alive.

“Which vegetables do you want?”

Shen Jiu hummed. “Something spicier.”

“We still have some chilli paste and mushrooms left from last night.”

He nodded. “Perfect.”

They cooked in a silent harmony, both fulfilling their roles efficiently. Shen Jiu heard A-Yuan start humming a song from a while ago, and he found himself silently humming along. He knew this tune quite well, Shen Yuan hummed it a lot. But he didn't recognise it. Even the rhythm was vastly foreign to him, like it came from another, unreachable place. Where had he learnt it? Was it from his hometown? Maybe it was related to his pare-

No, he did not care for Shen Yuan’s parents, whoever they were.

Shen Jiu’s Qi flared and the rice started to overcook. He forced himself to relax and calm down with a deep, deliberate breath.

He had the resources now, but he was hesitant to even attempt to search for Shen Yuan’s parents. Not just because they were awful people for abandoning a child, but because of a smaller, darker part of himself that he didn’t want to acknowledge. Yet even if he didn’t want it to, it would reveal its ugly head during those moments of quiet. Moments that should be filled with meditative peace. Shen Jiu didn’t want to share Shen Yuan. Not with Liu Qingge. Not with Yue Qingyuan, and certainly not with two more strangers. What if he found them, only to discover that they’d lost Shen Yuan unintentionally, and wanted him back? Would Shen Yuan go then, bound by his duties as a son? Or what if he never found these supposed parents? If there was no clear origin for A-Yuan, then past doubts would rear their heads with fervor. Yue Qi had confirmed they weren’t related. Then how… how did they look so similar that every other person mistook them for brothers? Not to mention the issue with his golden core, which he said had been there when he first woke up. Maybe he was a distant relative. Or maybe Shen Jiu was trying to keep himself passive to ignore figuring it out.

In truth, these kinds of thoughts brought about headaches. It was like his body was trying to reject this line of thought.

Shen Jiu’s mind raced with these thoughts, so he was unaware that Shen Yuan was talking to him until a hand settled on his shoulder and Qi rushed into him. Fingers brushed against his inner wrist and he shivered. Shen Jiu snapped from his stupor and looked at Shen Yuan, who was wincing from the pain of using his Qi, but still trying to help him from his spiral. Just like when he’d been with Wu Yanzi, barely conscious. Shen Yuan was trying to help him just as he did then.

“Are you feeling better? Can you talk?” Shen Yuan softly murmured, checking to see if he could respond. His brows were bunched, discomfort and slight pain evident in his expression. Shen Jiu tugged his wrist away like it was burned and turned back to the rice.

“The rice is ready.”

“Of course.”

They sat and ate. With rice coated in a warm broth and topped with ginger and fish. By the side were mushrooms cooked in a chili paste that made their mouths burn pleasantly. By the end of their meal, Shen Yuan offered to wash the dishes and told Shen Jiu to get ready for bed. He was too tired to complain, and went to prepare himself for sleep. He changed into his night robes and brushed his hair until it was like liquid. He stared at his haunted face in the mirror and wanted to shatter it– the glass or himself, he didn't know. His face was too thin and sharp. Evidence of his past remained to mock him, even now.

He saw Shen Yuan through the reflection as he walked in and stripped from his pristine robes. Shen Jiu, like a beast, almost didn’t avert his gaze. Horrible thoughts filled his head. Thoughts of soft skin untouched by sunlight. Thoughts of a chest– his nails pierced his palms and the pain made his body jolt. He was a foul human for having these thoughts about Shen Yuan, who was humming that song once more and sitting on the edge of the bed. He stared at his clenched, white hands and almost stood up to leave. He was moments from getting up when a comb appeared in his hand, held by delicate thin fingers. The jade was warm from being held by Shen Yuan, who smiled down at him. Shen Jiu's head rose and their eyes met. With pupils like dew reflecting the black night, sitting upon young leaves of soft green, his eyes stared down.

“Do you want to brush it out? My arms are still numb from using my Qi earlier.”

He nodded quietly and Shen Yuan sat down next to him. The bed dipped. The smell of jasmine and paper clung to him even in a new set of robes, he'd probably sat in the library all day after picking those flowers for Shen Jiu. He started to comb A-Yuan's hair gently. The bristles sank below the blackness, then immediately got caught in a knot. Shen Yuan winced and Shen Jiu sighed. “Did you crawl around in the dirt?”

“Well, not exactly–” That was already an interesting start, “–you see, the best stalks of jasmine were at the back, wedged between the wall and a tree. So I figured I could squeeze in between and pick them. But the tree's twigs were too long and my hair kept getting caught in them. I wouldn't be able to redo my hair without you, so I just picked all the pieces of bark out.” Shen Yuan explained, the tips of his ears were pink. 

“May I suggest not doing that next time?”

“No shit Sherlock, I just wanted to pick the best flowers for you! But look at the thanks I'm getting!” Shen Yuan crossed his arms and shook his head. Shen Jiu ignored his reference to another obscure novel he'd never heard of and instead addressed the point.

“The Peak Lord of Qing Jing is currently brushing your hair like a personal maid.” Shen Jiu retorted with a sarcastic smile as he finally managed to get all the knots out. The comb ran through easily, and he noticed Shen Yuan’s shoulders move. He glanced into the mirror and saw him holding his hairpin.

“You did this before you ascended, so it doesn't count.”

“Then how about giving you a job?”

Shen Yuan stood up and placed the comb down. “Do I get paid?”

“I’ve already been giving you money.”

“You're right, allow me to specify– a raise?”

“No, now shut up and go to bed.” Shen Jiu pulled the sheets down and watched Shen Yuan smile at him. He looked beautiful with his hair down.

Silently, they crawled into bed together.

Shen Jiu held out a hand and wrapped it around Shen Yuan’s wrist, gently but demanding he move close to him. Shen Yuan chuckled and shuffled closer. His breath was warm and smelled of mint and tea. His eyes were half-closed. His face flushed. Shen Jiu’s senses were better in the dark, so he just watched, knowing that Shen Yuan would struggle to see his blatant watching. He watched as those lips parted and Shen Yuan’s eyes kept fluttering shut. His breathing became softer, steadier. Shen Jiu’s hand moved to rest on his chest and he felt the heartbeat through his fingertips. The robe shifted under his touch.

He was already asleep, and Shen Jiu just stared, and stared.

“...I…” Shen Jiu murmured but could not make himself finish the sentence.

They had been through so much and now they were at a point where Shen Jiu was at the top and A-Yuan could be kept safe. There were still dangers, but they didn’t have to worry about going to sleep on empty stomachs anymore. They didn’t have to worry about where to sleep, or even if they'd have a bed and roof over their heads at night.

The hand moved to rest on Shen Yuan’s cheek. His eyelashes twitched but he remained fast asleep.

He’d gone from an orphan who had only two pitiful boys by his side, to having an even more pitiful boy cling to him.

He’d gone from an orphan to a slave, forced to trade his dignity and innocence for a bare-boned education.

He’d watched Shen Yuan be drugged into a shell of a human, his body used as storage for Qi. Those days of sitting behind his bed as his personality dripped away like a pitiful candle about to go out. His light was almost shuffled out, just so Qiu Jianluo could get a cauldron. How fucking despicable.

He’d watched Qiu Jianluo touch his only companion, then watched as his mutilated corpse burned in their fire. A fire that they both made together. Now that he thought about it, Shen Yuan had also killed Qiu Jianluo that night. His hands were also stained with blood.

His thumb brushed Shen Yuan’s temple.

They’d been stuck following Wu Yanzi like dogs on a leash, who filled their souls and minds with poison. It made him seethe to remember that man trying to explain how he was actually helping them.

Finally, they were here. They clawed and struggled to the top.

Finally.

They were finally somewhere. They'd reached a destination. Home.

All those wounds, injuries, torturous nights, internal struggles with himself, conflict about everything, suspicions toward everyone, nightmares about the past. It all acclimated to this very moment of their lives, like every rock on a mountain converged to a point. It was strange to look back down at all he’d suffered through. All the pain and misery of being at the bottom. The pain of dragging himself up until his skin shredded and body bled. He looked down that mountain and saw the bloody trail all the way down.

He leaned forward, and kissed his own hand, which still touched Shen Yuan’s cheek. He imagined what that skin would feel like under his own lips, then felt disgust toward himself for thinking like that.

The next day, he watched as Shen Yuan stood in the middle of the training grounds. He stood, concealed in the shade and stalks of the bamboo forest as Shen Yuan started to get all the children’s attention. He was a little nervous, which showed in his mannerisms and choice of words, the brief stumble of a word or two. But as time went on, that nervousness melted and he seemed to slide into the role of a proper Shizun. He smiled as he spoke, pulling out a sword and giving them a visual aid. Even if he never had the ability to properly use a cultivator’s blade, he still learned all the forms. Which Shen Jiu found himself relieved about as Shen Yuan walked around and gently corrected the children’s forms with calm hands and kind smiles. They all seemed to blossom under his nurturing exterior. Shen Jiu was so happy his plan worked out he didn’t even feel envy watching it unravel. But rather a deep, raw sense of pride and delight.

He’s happy. He’s occupied.

Shen Jiu knew that A-Yuan would become more visible after taking on this role, but it was a price to pay to stop him from rebelling.

 

---

 

“What are you, a hermit?!”

Shen Jiu turned to shoot him a withering glare, though A-Yuan was unperturbed. “I am not a hermit, I just don’t see the point in this.”

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes. “I can’t believe you! This is the first official meeting for the Peak Lords, and you want to skip it?! I bet you’d be the kind of person to skip the first day of school too!”

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes and crossed his arms. He really did not want to go, but it seemed that this wasn’t going to be something that would be dropped anytime soon. Maybe if he let the argument drag on, he might be able to skip it anyway. But Shen Yuan was insistent as he shuffled closer and snatched the cup from his side of the table. Jiu-ge, go get ready! You need to have a good first impression on your peers!”

“I’ve already ruined that first meeting.” Shen Jiu scoffed and A-Yuan sighed heavily, as though his lungs had been squeezed.

“Seriously? Then it’s even more important for you to go and remedy that! Just play it off as you being upset or something, as long as you play nice for a while they’ll eventually forget it. I remember reading somewhere that if you ask them for help, they’ll feel some obligation to like you if they’re willing to help you. What was it called? Ben… um… anyway! That doesn’t matter, what does matter is that you need to go make a few allies!”

Shen Jiu cocked a brow and felt his lips curl into a mocking smirk. “Oh? I didn’t know you had it in you to suggest manipulation.”

Shen Yuan stammered, the cup nearly falling from his hand as he pulled back and dropped it onto the table with a loud thud. “That’s-- you know what? Yeah, I’ll own it! You need friends and if that means I need to make you play nice, then I'll tell you to be as manipulative as possible!” Shen Yuan then stood up and paced to stand behind him, hooking his arms under his and trying to drag him to his feet. “Now get up and get ready!”

Shen Jiu decided to let his body become as heavy as possible, slumping forward. If anyone were to walk in and see the refined, civilized Peak Lord being deadweight, they’d probably faint from shock. But as no one was around, he was willing to be as annoying as possible with no regard for how he looked. It wasn’t like he cared to save face around Shen Yuan anyway, he’d already been witness to his worst moments. He heard Shen Yuan grunting from above him and he tilted his head back to look up at him. Shen Yuan’s face was flushed with exertion. Shen Jiu, in his eagerness to be as annoying as possible, didn’t realise that in tilting his head back it would presss against Shen Yuan’s waist. So looking up at him like this, it almost looked like he was laying on top of Shen Yuan.

Finally getting self-conscious about his attitude, he ripped himself away and stood up by himself, shooting a half-hearted glare in Shen Yuan’s direction. He tucked his hands into his sleeves and shook his head. “It’s not that important. I wouldn’t be able to trust them anyway, even if I did get them to somehow like me.”

Shen Yuan sighed and rubbed his forehead, a few beads of sweat above his brow. His cheeks were still red as he regathered himself and walked over to stand beside Shen Jiu. “You’re really dumb, sometimes, Jiu-ge. The point isn’t for you to trust them, it’s for them to trust you.”

He couldn’t help but raise a brow again. “You’re quite insistent about this, A-Yuan. Why does it matter what allies I have? I don’t need help.”

Shen Yuan let out a sharp sigh, which passed through his gritted teeth and almost became a hiss. “I just… I worry for you. That’s all, so please go. Look, you don’t even have to smile, okay? Just sit there and don’t glare.”

Shen Jiu stared at him for a long, agonising moment. Shen Yuan certainly was worried about something, especially if he was willing to get physical with Shen Jiu, however pathetic his attempts at getting him to his feet was. Was he worried that the others would hate Shen Jiu? Surely that couldn’t be it. Then was he worried that Shen Jiu would get lonely? That was more likely, but it still didn’t feel like the correct answer. He studied Shen Yuan’s face more closely. After being unable to find the truth in his flushed face, Shen Jiu just sighed and turned to walk back to the bedroom. “Fine, I’ll go this one time. But I really don’t see the point in these meetings, anyway.”

He heard Shen Yuan let out a long exhale that he’d been holding in. “That’s all I want. Just try to be civil, okay?”

Shen Jiu scoffed and didn’t respond.

He got ready without hesitation, donning the appropriate, elegant robes before walking back out and seeing Shen Yuan cleaning up the table they’d just been sitting at. He loomed over Shen Yuan and stuck out a hand, resting his fingers upon the back of his neck. Shen Yuan yelped and spun around, shooting him a glare. “What the hell? Why are your hands so cold?!”

Shen Jiu smirked at him and straightened up again. “That’s for trying to drag me to my feet. I’m the Peak Lord here, not you.”

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes and held a hand on the back of his neck, which was probably aching from the cold touch of his fingers. “Yeah right, you could stop me if you really wanted to.”

That was true, and it was probably why A-Yuan was so comfortable being like that around him. It was hard to cross boundaries around someone like Shen Jiu, who hissed and bore his claws the moment something he didn’t like graced his sight. If it was anyone else, he’d detest the hands on him, trying to make him do something. But with A-Yuan, his body was able to relax in ways he thought unobtainable. He didn’t have to worry about being exploited. He didn’t have to worry like he always did around any other breathing creature.

“Of course I could. I’m heading off now, then. Make sure my Peak doesn’t burn down while I’m absent.”

Shen Yuan beamed and thrusted a thumbs up in his face. “I’ll try my best.”

Shen Jiu smiled and held out a hand to touch that thumb briefly, before withdrawing and heading out to the first official meeting between the Peak Lords. He was really not looking forward to this, but A-Yuan was correct in some of the words he’d blabbered out earlier. It was wise for Shen Jiu to at least try and act civilly with these other Peak Lords. He was never going to be able to trust any of them, but if he could at least have the same kind of understanding between himself and Mu Qingfang, then he’d be satisfied to leave it at that. And if he felt a sharp pang of loneliness every now and then, then that was for his mind and his mind alone. No one else needed to know that, not even A-Yuan himself.

When he arrived on the main Peak, he already felt exhausted. But he kept his back straight and held his fan at just the right angle to hide his lower face.

The first official Peak Lord meeting was already awful, he should’ve stayed. Damn him for deciding to listen to A-Yuan’s nonsensical advice for once. The moment he stepped in, he could’ve choked to death on the tense awkwardness clinging to the air like thick smoke. It seemed almost everyone was here. The room held a long, oval table made from polished bamboo. Each seat was made of fine wood, a silk pillow resting on each one. He walked to the one nearest to the entrance, taking a seat and tilting it to the left so he could keep an eye on the entrance.

The air around the table was tense. Like all that awkwardness had coalesced around it.

Yue Qi was at the front, as he’d expected. And if he saw Yue Qi’s face falter upon seeing him sit at the back, then he ignored it.

The last person to come in was the An Ding Peak Lord, who scampered in like a mouse who had its tail chopped off. His clothes were wrinkled and a piece of paper was stuck to his shoe, though he didn’t seem aware of this. He rushed to sit and his eyes darted around. When they landed on Shen Jiu, his entire body went rigid and he shuddered, eyes quickly shifting off him. Shen Jiu tilted his head and almost smirked at that. For whatever reason, it seemed he had left a lasting impression on this man in particular. Or maybe he was just that kind of person, with the heart of a flea.

“Thank you for showing up, everyone.” Yue Qi started, dominating the space as usual. He sat prim and proper, back pressed uncomfortably straight into his chair as he smiled at them all. This was Shen Jiu’s first time seeing him in his new robes. Now that everyone was staring at him, he no longer felt like he had to keep his eyes averted from the man. His robes were sage silver and draped around him like liquid metal. His hair had a complex hairpin inserted, a few pieces of silk hanging from either end and connected at the center. Yue Qi continued to smile, a few smiles were returned; Shen Jiu lifted his fan to cover his mouth

“This is bothersomely awkward.” A young woman draped in deep, vibrant purples spoke up after another long period of silence. She was leaning in her chair, robes pouring over the sides of the seat. She also had a fan in her hand, the edges sharp and metallic as she waved it idly against her bright, clear face. Her thin, elegant brows were raised. “Shall we do introductions? I’d rather not sit here in this stifling silence.”

Shen Jiu’s lips twisted at that– even more so as a few heads nodded to her suggestion. He kept his expression hidden, remembering Shen Yuan’s plea for him to at least try to be civil.

“Hello, I’m Wei Qingwei, I am the Peak Lord of the Wan Jian Peak.” Wei Qingwei spoke up, a small dagger being polished between his hands. He had his hair tied up with a loose red ribbon, which was braided all the way down to the ends of his hair. The silk cloth in his hand was placed on the table as he leaned forward and grinned. Shen Jiu recalled the previous Wan Jian Peak Lord and recognised the same confidence in his expression. He’d only met the previous Peak Lord once, but his attitude had left a long-lasting impact on Shen Jiu. It seemed that it was going to be the same with Wei Qingwei as well. “I look forward to working with you all.”

A few other Peak Lords continued afterwards and Shen Jiu stewed in his restlessness. He did not want to be here. His finger played with the end of the fan and he stared at the cranes as people spoke and he tuned them out.

“I’m Liu Qingge.” The rough voice cut through the air, awkward and tight. After a few moments passed and the others realised he was not going to say more, the introductions continued. Shen Jiu quietly scoffed and subtly looked up to study the brute. He was dressed white and pale blue robes, his hair done so blandly that he wanted to laugh at it. Liu Qingge didn’t seem to care about his appearance in the slightest, and, in fact, Shen Jiu noticed a smudge of dirt on his jawline upon closer inspection. He probably came here straight after a fight. He’s surprised the man isn’t drenched in blood.

“S-Shang Qinghua.” The coward he both despised and was amused by spoke up. There was a faint grey stain on his cheek, Shen Jiu scowled. The heels of his feet felt light, like they wanted to fling him to his feet and let him walk out before his turn came around. None of these people seemed to care about their appearance. But he wasn’t surprised, he doubted any of them had been touched by the filth of living like he had. Once someone went through the humiliating experience of being homeless, appearances became important: that’s all everyone judged him on in the past.

“Hello, I am Mu Qingfang. If you ever need any help, come to my peak. I will always make time for my colleagues."

There were a few appreciative nods.

It was Shen Jiu’s turn. A few heads turned in his direction. Some eyes lost their mirth and lightness, instead being replaced with a strained tension. Yue Qi was staring at him like a puppy waiting for a treat. Liu Qingge was glaring at him through narrowed eyes. Shen Jiu swallowed, though his mouth was too dry for it to do anything, and forced the words from his tight throat. “Shen Qingqiu.”

LIke with Liu Qingge’s introduction, a few moments passed and they continued once they realised he was not going to say anything else.

Shen Jiu’s foot broke free of his calm facade, bouncing in frustratingly revealing motions. The moment the last person spoke, he stood. He raised his fan to cover more of his face as heads turned in his direction. He ignored them all and locked eyes with Yue Qi. “We’re done. May I leave now? I have a lesson scheduled with my disciples soon.” The lie rolled easily off his tongue.

Yue Qi nodded after a long pause, and Shen Jiu jerked to the left and exited the quiet room in a daze.

He did not belong. He felt it in their stares, the way their eyes burned through his facade and saw the rot within. He did not belong here, but he still kept his head high despite that, because he didn’t give a shit where he belonged. He was no longer going to let others shove him out of spaces he earned his right to stand in. So even if he didn’t belong here, he would remain standing until his legs were broken or they relented.

It didn’t matter what they thought, he was a Peak Lord and he’d hold onto that title with bloodied, skinless fingers if he had to.

He shook off their eyes and went home to A-Yuan.

“How’d it go?”

Shen Jiu stared at A-Yuan, who was sitting outside and reading a book he’d gotten recently. Shen Jiu walked over and sat beside him, letting the fan finally fall from his face. He stared at A-Yuan, then finally let himself smile. “It went fine.” Because as long as he was here, then everything would be fine. He didn’t need anything else. A-Yuan being here was enough. He jolted when a hand touched his, and he finally noticed that Shen Yuan had closed his book and left it on his lap. His fingers felt like fire from being in the sun for so long. Shen Jiu stared at their conjoined hands, before meeting the others' gaze.

“I’m glad. I’m proud of you for going.”

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes, hoping the rawness in them was concealed beneath the snide reaction. “So then, are you happy now? I played friendly just like you wanted.”

“Mhm,” Shen Yuan nodded and his eyes sparkled, the sun seemed to set his eyes ablaze like they were made of dry kindling. “Any day now, and you’ll finally have a new friend.”

Shen Jiu couldn’t help but laugh. “Like I need a new friend. I’m fine with all I have.”

“I suppose you don’t count Yue Qi?”

“Of course not.”

“Then that only leaves me!” Shen Yuan nearly shouted and Shen Jiu smiled in response.

“I’m glad you can count, at least.”

Shen Yuan spluttered and his cheeks reddened. He pulled his hand away but his fingers had already left scorch marks upon Shen Jiu’s flesh. As he stammered over the insult and tried to fire off a jab back at him, Shen Jiu only listened quietly and continued to smile. He was content with this. A feeling so foreign to him it took until now to even realise it.

He was content with this.

 

Notes:

I love them so much I wanna squeeze them until they pop 🥹🥹
tysm for reading!! this fandom is honestly so nice it's lovely 💕

Chapter 19: It's Not Paranoia if They're Actually Being Suspicious

Notes:

being consistent with chapters is so hard! but I'm trying!! ;~;

It’s a wonder he doesn’t have a tan yet.

Although it was the middle-end of spring, Shen Yuan still chose to stay outside during his moments of solitude, with nothing but the sunshine on his skin for company. The grass was still fresh, but their blades had grown darker and were beginning to brown at the tips. Signs of summer were starting to show despite the season not being here yet. Thankfully, the mild, pleasant breeze had yet to become stifling, and he enjoyed the way it played with the silk of his robes or the loose strands of his hair.

Shen Yuan’s eyes were closed, the sun penetrating his lids and turning them bright pink. Though his arm was numb from earlier in the day, when he’d offered more Qi to Jiu-ge, so he didn’t bother trying to move it to hand over his face. He instead squeezed his eyes tighter and let his head roll to the side. The blades of grass tickled his cheek and he inhaled, receiving a lungful of the potent smell of soil and grass. He scrunched his nose and tried to get into another, comfortable position.

Abruptly, a shadow blocked his sun. Shen Yuan’s eyes instinctively opened, expecting to be met with the eager, excited face of yet another disciple trying to ask him a question. Ever since taking on the role of teaching the junior disciples he's been assailed in every direction by those eager little brats. He used the word brat fondly, because he really did get attached to them far too quickly for his own good.  But he couldn't help it! It felt like a swarm of ducklings that just followed him around, a cluster of cute, fluffy animals that chirped and begged for his attention!

What was he supposed to do, ignore them?!

But when he opened his eyes, he saw Shen Jiu's tense face instead of a young disciple’s. His sharp brows were pulled into a permanent furrow, the crinkle between them a ravine of exhaustion and irritation. His fine lips were pursed, and he stared down at Shen Yuan with folded arms and a closed fan dangling from his hand. A few strands had been undone by the breeze and pulled to dangle in front of his face. He must be extremely tired to not notice those strands of inky black hovering just in front of his eyes. Shen Yuan sat up slightly, his elbows digging into the grass as he glanced at Jiu-ge with varying degrees of concern. Shen Jiu radiated a bone-deep tiredness. He wasn't unhappy at this particular moment, but days of work and stress were piling on his shoulders and showing in cracks through his usually impeccable form. Like a boulder weathered by cold mountain rivers.

Shen Yuan didn’t know how else to help him except bully him into taking breaks, and even then, he was often brushed aside. It felt like Shen Jiu wanted to work himself to death, as though the pain was something he needed to burden himself with. Shen Yuan couldn’t help but worry, and that worry was staggering. Before him was a man intent on working himself into an early grave, yet stubbornly clung on out of spite. But why? Shen Yuan couldn’t understand how his mind worked.

It was like the body before him had three versions. The character he’d once read about. A mask used to hide his emotions, and the wearer of that mask, Jiu-ge.

He had to be careful with how he approached the situation, knowing what he did about the future. Jiu-ge had been easy to conceptualize when he'd been young and so different from the character that Shen Yuan sometimes forgot the man he would grow into. When he was simply a young kid with a sharp mouth but a begrudgingly kind smile. That was the man he’d grown up with! But now that he had the title of ‘Shen Qingqiu’ it felt like all Shen Yuan could think about was the hundreds upon hundreds of chapters he'd read of a cruel, scum villain. The man who abused his disciples, whipped them and poured tea over their heads to humiliate them. Not that he’d done any of these yet, but he was capable of them– that was something Shen Yuan couldn’t lie to himself about, or brush off and pretend wasn’t there. But how much should he judge him for when they’d just been words in a story? This wasn’t just a story anymore. The man before him was not made of words but rather flesh and blood. If Shen Yuan reached out a hand, his fingers would graze warm skin and soft silk.

But if he couldn’t judge someone for actions they had yet to commit, what could he do with this information?

Shen Yuan didn’t want to push that character onto him. Shen Jiu didn’t deserve that. He rather found it easier to compare that story to a prophecy of sorts, which made it easier to deal with the information.

And through the ever-present guilt was concern which permeated through his entire mind. This Shen Jiu could start spiralling and end up in those awful habits he picked up in the novel, but also, Shen Yuan couldn't act like he’d done that yet or it'd be unfair to Shen Jiu. It felt like he had to use his meta knowledge to fix a situation by turning it into normal knowledge even though none of that has happened yet! He was going insane! Shen Yuan was going to snap and move into a cabin in the woods–!

“Hello there, whatchu want?” He said with a cheeky smile, his expression betrayed nothing.

Shen Jiu sighed and sat down beside him, avoiding the book he'd put down beside him. His robes fanned around him and with a quick flick of his sleeve, managed to get it to drape over his lap in the most elegant, over-the-top way imaginable. And if Shen Yuan was jealous that he managed to look pristine and perfect all the time, no one else would know but him. Shen Jiu turned to stare at him with a piercing look in his eyes. “I’ve come to inform you that, regretfully, we will be having a visitor today.”

“Visitor?” Shen Yuan perked up, curiosity lacing his words like cocaine. Finally! Something interesting was happening! He’d happily ride the high of being intrigued! “Who?”

“The An Ding’s Peak Lord, Shang Qinghua. I sent a summons to him to discuss the costs of renovations.”

“Renovations?!”

At his outburst, Shen Jiu donned an irritated expression. "A-Yuan your books are everywhere. It’s getting far too messy to live in. So I’ve decided that we’re going to turn the spare room into a library, and he'll upgrade my private office and our sleeping quarters. You don’t need to worry about costs or materials.” Jiu-ge then smirked, dark amusement flashing in his jade eyes. “You’ll have free reign over the design for the library. Don’t hold back, even if that man complains about the costs.”

Shang Qinghua, eh? That traitorous little rat? Shen Yuan never liked that character, though he'd been impressed that Airplane managed to write a plot twist like that later in the novel. He lamented to think about the potential it had at the start, then forced himself to stop before he started full-out mourning over the declining brilliance of the plot. To sum it up, he would not hold back on this person in the slightest.

He grinned and moved to put all his weight on a leg, twisting his body to face Shen Jiu properly. One of his hands pressed into the soft grass for balance as he leaned in. “You’re giving me all the control? What if I make the walls bright yellow and the shelves neon pink?” He gestured to the general aesthetic of the bamboo house to their left.

Jiu-ge simply let out an endeared huff. “Neon…? Of course I’ll be supervising, but I’m giving you all the control over the layout.”

“Thank you.” Shen Yuan felt his grin turn more genuine and leaned back slightly, his leg was getting numb from putting all his weight onto it.

“No need to thank me, it’s the least I can do after you have to deal with those brats.” He snarked and Shen Yuan was about to say that the junior disciples weren't that bad, but he held his tongue. Shen Qingqiu in a good mood? There was no need to ruin that by petty arguments. Instead he stood up and grabbed his book to head inside. Shen Jiu followed, hands tucked into his sleeves.

Shen Yuan dropped his book on the mountain beside the table, which gained a raised brow from the Peak Lord. He didn’t flinch at that judging gaze. Come on, if they’re going to sort through all these today anyway why shouldn’t he just dump it around beforehand? He was doing them a favor by keeping them in one spot! He didn’t voice any of these complaints, knowing that Jiu-ge would easily demolish them all.

“I guess we have time to kill before he comes, so, how was your day?” Shen Yuan asked as he sat down directly in front of Jiu-ge.

“Average and mundane, nothing worth talking about.” Jiu-ge rolled his eyes and sat down beside him, rather than across from him. “And what about you? What were you reading?”

Shen Yuan groaned and readjusted, his head leaning against Jiu-ge’s shoulder. “...it was another stupid romance.”

“Oh?”

“I– I didn't realise it was romance until the protagonist took the female lead to his room and– and– it doesn't matter! I stopped reading it after that and just napped instead!” He spluttered and hated how amused Shen Jiu looked, just silently staring at him with warm eyes. The gaze was so full of joy that Shen Yuan felt his face reddened as he felt a rush of embarrassment. He didn't like –maybe he did a little– when Shen Jiu looked at him like he was the center of his universe. The sun controlling his orbit and gravity. It made him feel too… important. Shen Yuan was a side character! A support for the male leads! He shouldn't be looked at like a main lead and his love int– he jolted at the thought and sat up, much to Shen Jiu's bewilderment. His face was beet red and he immediately started to count the wrinkles in his robes instead of meeting the other's eyes.

An arm wrapped around his shoulders and he flinched, looking up at Jiu-ge. “Don't get shy with me, what’s with the sudden embarrassment?”

Huh??

Huh???!?!!!?!

Why is he talking like that?! He's never been this– this bold in whatever this is! Why is he acting like this now? No, it’s fine! He’s just teasing! He always teases me, this is no different! It’s just my brain acting up.

“I–” He nearly choked on his saliva and coughed.

Jiu-ge's grip tightened slightly, and he continued to smile. “Let’s start by sorting through these awful books.”

He was grateful for the change in topic. His cheeks still burned as he quickly snatched the first book in view. It was a romance. How did he keep accidentally picking these out? He swore that none of them had any romance mentioned in the description at the back! What’s with people and adding papapa to every book in existence?! He wouldn’t be surprised if he picked up a poetry book at random only to see a poem about a woman’s bosom or a man’s ‘pillar’! It was absurd! He threw the book away and in a blind panic, tried to defend himself.

“They’re not all awful! There’s a few hidden gems in here… somewhere.” He realised most of them were trash, but that wasn’t his fault! He told Shen Jiu that his favourite genres involved fiction and adventure, but all the books Jiu-ge has been giving him were… he shuddered… stuff that Airplane would write. Horrible plots! Awful characters! Unrealistic romances! Unresolved side stories! He could go on forever about them. At least he found it entertaining to tear them apart, either to himself or to Shen Jiu. If you’d told him in his previous life that he’d end up ranting to the scum villain Shen Qingqiu about shitty romance novels he’d have laughed in your face!

Was Shen Jiu doing it by mistake, like Shen Yuan? Or was this just another way for the man to tease him? If it was the latter, he swore to get revenge.

It took quite a while to sort through them all, the giant monstrosity of a mountain being broken down slowly into smaller hills. They sorted some by genre, others by authors. There was a small pile of unlabeled books, too, which he had to read to find out where they’d go. Shang Qinghua was late. He shuddered at how doomed the poor man was, because however much he hated the traitor, he felt bad for anyone on the receiving end of Shen Qingqiu’s wrath. He snuck a glance at Jiu-ge and saw a tight line between his brows. His eyes were narrowed and impatience gleamed in them like a second layer of membrane. Shen Yuan quietly did a short prayer for the late man.

Around half an hour late, he arrived. Shen Jiu’s face changed, as it often did when someone else was around, and he stood up as Shen Qingqiu.

Finally, there was a knock at the door.

Shen Qingqiu shot up and stormed to the door, yanking it open.

The pathetic looking man on the other side yelped, cowering in fear. Shen Qingqiu glowered at him, fan held between white knuckles, which Shen Yuan knew meant that he wanted to hit someone with it. “Glad you could join us, however late it is.” Shen Qingqiu spoke with venom.

“I- I’m sorry, my peak had a backlog of work to catch up on and there was an incident at Bai Zhan Peak involving their weaponry so we were short on disciples and I had to take care of everything by myself like always– not– not that that matters to you, I mean, I’m here now–!” The man, who must be Shang Qinghua, then peered over Shen Qingqiu’s shoulder to stare at Shen Yuan. The moment their eyes locked, a frightful expression filled Shang Qinghua’s face. Like he was both horrified, confused and completely terrified. Was there something on his face? Okay then, rude. His already bad opinions on this guy skyrocketed in an instant. He openly frowned back, which made Shang Qinghua flinch.

“Excuses, you will not waste my time again. Come in already.” Shen Qingqiu snapped and he yelped again, coming inside with a panicked swiftness to his feet. He kept shooting glances over at Shen Yuan, before looking back at Shen Qingqiu like he was a threat to his life. Maybe he was, Shen Qingqiu didn’t like to be kept waiting and his finger was tapping the wooden handle of his fan with an aggressive impatience.

“So… where is this spare room?” Shang Qinghua asked after having to endure a moment of being glared at by two people, and Shen Yuan spoke up.

“Over here.”

Shang Qinghua looked at him like he shouldn't have been able to speak. Shen Yuan crossed his arms. “I am in charge of design, correct?”

“Y–Yup, totally!” He laughed nervously, then shot a glance over his shoulder at Shen Qingqiu. “Your, uh, brother seems very capable! You must be very proudful of him, right?”

“Prideful.” Shen Jiu corrected him.

“Ah, no, no, this is a phrase from my hometown.” He looked at Shen Yuan with desperate eyes, “Proud-ful, right? A proud immortal, fighting demons, forging their own way.”

Is he drunk?

Shang Qinghua looked defeated after Shen Yuan just stared at him like he was an alien. Shen Qingqiu was already on edge and Shang Qinghua seemed to sense this, suggesting they start after a second, even longer moment of silence. He appeared as though he was being held hostage as they funnelled into the room. Shen Yuan had already planned most of this out, and he was told costs wouldn't matter. He grinned delightfully. “I already have a decent idea of what I want. By the window I want a couch.” Who cares about looking lazy? “I want the bookshelves to reach the ceiling and a sliding ladder to access the higher shelves.”

Shang Qinghua interjected. “It would save money to use your sword instead.”

Shen Yuan's face soured. I can't use a fucking sword, asshole. “Give me the ladder.” He mustered up a ‘Shen Qingqiu’ level glare.

Shang Qinghua nodded near-hysterically. “O– Of course! And what about a… fridge?”

Shen Yuan's heart paused for a second, then he started to shout in his head at his most hated author. Really, Airplane? You put modern day words into your novel?! Don’t you know the kind of plot-holes that’ll create?! Why give an object the name 'fridge'? Or is it some weird cultivation object you ripped the concept of a fridge from? Your characters sound so stupid uttering words like fridge! I hate you, you stupid, dumb author!

“A fridge?” Shen Qingqiu echoed and Shen Yuan nearly snorted. He really needed to start teaching him modern words again.

“Jiu-ge, I think fridge is like a decoration. A very cold one.” Shen Yuan nodded with an amused grin hidden behind his sleeve. Shang Qinghua was just… looking at him, like he was equally dumb and hiding a deep, dark secret.

Shang Qinghua pulled out a notebook and while Shen Qingqiu decided to interrogate the traitorous rat, he started scribbling down on it. Shen Yuan was surprised when he tore the page off and shoved it to him. He hesitantly accepted it and read the contents.

Pouch

Inner lighting

Don’t forget ladder

Wide bookshelves

What the hell was this? He misspelt ‘couch’, wrote ‘wide’ instead of ‘high’ for the bookshelves, and what did inner lighting even mean!? Shen Yuan stared at it, dumbfounded. This was the Peak Lord of An Ding Peak! He should be an expert at writing, and at the very least have decent handwriting. This was a monstrous mess. He wanted to hit Shang Qinghua over the head with it! He gave it back and scowled. “You're an awful writer.”

Shen Jiu’s lips curled into a satisfied smirk. He seemed to be enjoying Shen Yuan’s irritation toward this man.

Shang Qinghua stammered, looking like he’d been beaten. “S- Sorry! I didn’t realise, I must be tired. So anyway, l- let’s go to the bedroom? Shen-Shixiong mentioned– uh– um–” He was losing his ability to talk and went mute.

Shen Yuan shared a look with Shen Jiu and shrugged.

They went to the bedroom and Shang Qinghua vibrated on the spot with nervous energy. He still kept shooting glances at Shen Yuan like he was a puzzle that needed to be figured out. Shen Yuan mustered up a pretty good glare to shoot back in his direction, hoping it imitated at least a tenth of the power Shen Qingqiu’s glare held. Judging from the yelp he received, it must’ve been up there, though no one could compare to Shen Jiu.

Shang Qinghua rambled about measurements. “So of course, I mean, uh, you’ll need to expand this room. The dressers are fine and– and um, well, you’ll need an extra bed–”

Shen Jiu used his wrist to flick his fan shut, summoning an impressive snap that muted Shang Qinghua. “You will do no such thing. One bed will suit.”

Shang Qinghua’s eyes bulged as he stared between them. “You two… share a bed?”

“So what?!” It was Shen Yuan who snapped, face burning a furious red. He crossed his arms and took a step toward Shang Qinghua, who yelped and stood backward. “It’s not uncommon for family or even close friends to share a bed! Why does it matter that we still do? What right do you have to judge when you barely know anything about us? Jiu-ge is a pleasant man in bed, he doesn’t move around or steal blankets or–” His mouth snapped shut as he processed what he’d just said.

His mouth opened again, his cheeks burst into fire.

Shang Qinghua also looked flabbergasted, staring at him as if he’d started to utter chants in latin and levitated.

Shen Jiu’s face was frozen, cheeks slightly tinged pink.

“Whatever! You know what I meant!” Shen Yuan shouted and stormed out.

Fuck! Fuck! Why the fuck did I say it like that? This novel’s logic and dialogue was getting to me! That’s it! That’s it and nothing else was it! There were no other ‘its’ to be had here, no thank you!

He hoped he hadn’t accidentally made Shen Jiu uncomfortable, who probably still thought that they were related somehow.

The two came out after him in a stifling silence. Shen Jiu was looking at him with pink ears and he was resisting the urge to call him cute because if he did that after his last accidental comment Shang Qinghua would get the wrong idea and spread the gossip around like the awful character he was. So Shen Yuan took a deep breath, closed his eyes for a moment, and reset his brain. The best solution was self-imposed ignorance, something he was an expert at.

“So, anyway, why don’t you write down what we need?” He gestured to Shang Qinghua with a scholarly, wise aura. He kept his chin up so he was looking down at the other, just as he’d observed Shen Jiu do to anyone who wasn’t Shen Yuan.

Shang Qinghua mutely nodded and pulled out a notepad to write on. Shen Jiu had moved to stand beside him, still slightly stiff and flushed. Shen Yuan wanted to apologise to him but it definitely wasn’t the time now! Not when Shang Qinghua was writing furiously with a new fervor in his movements. It looked like he was scribbling from how fast he was writing. His head jolted up and he walked over, jabbing it into Shen Yuan’s open hand.

Shen Yuan looked down at it and… huh.

It wasn’t in their language. Well, it kind of looked like it, but some of the characters were slightly different and he found himself looking at it with squinted eyes. Something about it tugged a corner of his mind further into his consciousness, like he should be able to recognise these characters and had just forgotten them. But before he could, Shen Qingqiu's hand flung out like a hidden blade and snatched the paper. His fingers crinkled the paper from the force. They dug into the paper and nearly shredded it. The room dropped several degrees in an instant. Shang Qinghua was shivering and even Shen Yuan was unsettled by the sudden shift.

Shen Qingqiu's voice was ice. “What. Does. This. Say.”

Shen Yuan’s eyes widened. Shen Jiu wasn't letting him read it again, so he had to just helplessly stand aside and watch this play out.

“I can’t read this.” Shen Qingqiu glared at Shang Qinghua with vitriolic disgust. “Are you trying to talk to him without my knowledge? What does this say?!” Shen Qingqiu nearly shouted the last part. A sneer contorted his face and he stopped toward Shang Qinghua. Shen Yuan went to grab the paper back to see what language it had been. Shen Qingqiu turned around and shot him a glare that said ‘stay there and keep quiet’. Shen Yuan tensed. He hadn't seen that glare since their last fight. Shen Qingqiu was so furious he was willing to lash out at even Shen Yuan.

He fell silent and watched.

“I– I– It's nothing!” Shang Qinghua's teeth chattered, “I promise, I was just tired and writing gibberish! I swear to God, it's nothing! Please, Peak Lord Shen, pay it– pay me no mind!” He genuinely looked like he was about to pass out. His face pale and clammy while his eyes bulged. Shen Yuan probably should’ve been paying close attention to the phrases he was using, but his ears were still ringing from that earlier glare.

Shen Qingqiu shot him a disbelieving glare, hatred cold and on full display.

“Get out. Now. You will give your estimates to me in writing.”

Shang Qinghua didn't need to be ordered around again. He gathered his things in like a hurricane, his limbs snatching whatever was in their reach. With his things held to his chest like armor, he bowed so deeply that his hair bun almost came undone. He flew out of their house.

Now that he was gone, Shen Jiu's glare turned to Shen Yuan, who immediately shrank back. He felt a tight ball of stress and disappointment in his throat. He'd gone so long without another fight between them. Was Shen Jiu going to start yelling? That ball became tighter. Is it going to get physical like that one time he couldn't erase from his head? He tried to forget it because it hadn't been intentional yet it stuck like sap. He felt nauseated.

"What was that? Were you receiving messages from him?"

"What? No! Jiu-ge, I didn't understand any of that! It looked like nonsense!" He hoped Shen Jiu would believe him. He truly didn't understand anything on there, or why Shang Qinghua would try to reach out to him like that. In that regard, he was just as confused as Shen Jiu. A moment later, Shen Jiu slightly relaxed. His glare no longer directed at Shen Yuan but had rather simmered into a cool, rigid suspicion. The realization that a fight wasn't going to start was dizzying. There wasn't going to be yelling. Or arguing. Or shoving. 

He nearly collapsed from the rush of relief he felt. It was almost like he had low iron again. His vision peppered with black spots like dead pixels, covering his vision.

Why was his body reacting like this? It was just a fight. An argument. A disagreement. Yet it felt like he'd been preparing for a battle.

Shen Yuan sat on the ground by the door and shoved his head into his hands. The mere thought left his body breathless and drowning in adrenaline. He didn’t mind being on the receiving end of Shen Jiu’s harsh words, after all, they were usually mild and even amusing. It was just the way the other man expressed himself and Shen Yuan understood that.

But the last few serious fights between them, it felt like Shen Jiu was willing to get physical to get his point across. It was like when he’d first shoved Shen Yuan down, a line had been crossed that immediately vanished afterwards. Shen Jiu hadn’t apologised for that, and Shen Yuan hadn’t brought it back up again, so it dangled in the air between them. Was that the problem? Was it Shen Yuan’s fault for not being more upset? Should he have been more persistent? Maybe in his passivity, Shen Jiu had gotten the wrong message.

He always seemed to mess up.

He was struggling to breathe. Why was it so hard to just inhale? He was born doing it. Why was his body rejecting air?! The world seemed to constrict and choke him. He curled into a tight ball and tried to hide from the walls closing in on him. Dammit. Dammit! Fucking–

Qi flowed into him.

Shen Yuan shuddered. His eyes had gotten so tense that they aching with a tight pain.

“It’s alright now, A-Yuan, I won’t let him go near you again.” Shen Jiu murmured into his ear and Shen Yuan shuddered, wanting to yell that that wasn’t the reason he was panicking. But he couldn’t choke his words out and instead curled in even tighter. He must’ve looked pathetic, like a flower hiding away the moment it got dark. He tried to focus on the Qi that Shen Jiu was giving him. It was a steady, constant stream of warmth flooding his body and saturating his muscles. He leaned further into Shen Jiu as the other man pulled him into a hug. The hands on him curled around until they formed a tight wall around him. Shen Yuan kept his eyes closed. He shuddered in a deeper breath this time. The cotton in his head was dissolving into clarity.

“...Thank you.” He whispered hoarsely. Great. Now Shen Jiu was going to treat him like glass for the next month or some shit. Shen Yuan hated this. He sank deeper into those arms and let his body go limp.

“It’s my fault,” Shen Jiu said, and for a moment Shen Yuan had a rush of hope that he understood, but then he continued: “I shouldn’t have let anyone else near you, they never have your interests in mind.”

Shen Yuan closed his eyes and felt something inside him crumble.

“They’ll try and take you away from me.”

He was getting more tired.

“They’ll try to use or hurt you, just like they always do.”

His neck itched.

Who knew how long they stayed like that, with Shen Yuan curled up against him and Shen Jiu channeling a soothing stream of Qi into his meridians. It felt like he was a child again, being carried by his mother to his bed. His eyes were closed and he sat in the dark silence with a tired heart. He sometimes felt like Shen Jiu was a leech as well as a supplier. Giving and taking his joy away with the snap of a finger. He was the fire and Shen Jiu was the oxygen keeping him alive. But he would deal with it, because he was the reason it got this bad in the first place. If he had just been more willing to show Shen Jiu better methods of coping, maybe then… but Shen Yuan had never been meant to look after another human, especially a child.

And now here they were, sitting on the floor in silence.

How was he supposed to remedy this?

Then the silence was shattered.

There was a knock at the door, a noise as abrupt as thunder. He felt those arms around him tense and Shen Jiu’s breath hitch. He mourned the soul that had knocked, knowing that Shen Jiu was in one of his moods again and would lash out like an injured animal. Shen Jiu was already on his feet, eyes glued to the door as it opened a fraction and the worst person possible stared back.

Liu Qingge.

Ah fuck.

His robes were a pristine white, a ribbon of blue tied around at the waist and a sword tucked into it. His posture was more rigid and straight than even Shen Jiu’s, his arms folded across his chest as he took in the scene before him. He stared from Shen Jiu’s tense, angry body to Shen Yuan, who was still on the ground and recovering from his panic attack. Shen Yuan tried to stay calm, but it was hard when Shen Jiu looked like a predator ready to fight a rival on its territory. His body was stone, fingers twitching toward his sword. “What do you want, you brute?”

“I just wanted to discuss something with Shen Yuan–”

“That’s Shen-Shidi to you, and he isn’t in the proper mind for talking at the moment. So leave.”

Liu Qingge’s eyes narrowed. “I’m sure he can talk for himself.”

Shen Jiu laughed, low and cold. “Like you know him better than me? Leave!”

Liu Qingge stared right past him and at Shen Yuan, who had completely started to freak out. Why was Liu Qingge staring at him like he was a hostage? He was getting the wrong idea! Liu Qingge adjusted his posture and Shen Jiu tensed even further, as though Liu Qingge was about to unsheathe his sword. The Bai Zhan Peak Lord was in charge of combat, so of course Shen Qingqiu looked down on him like he was a mindless brute! And now they were staring at each other like enemies before launching into a battle! Shen Yuan wanted to speak, he even opened his mouth, but no words were coming out.

“Are you alright?” Liu Qingge asked him and Shen Jiu stepped in front of Shen Yuan, blocking him from his gaze.

“I said leave, brute!” He shouted. Liu Qingge stared at Shen Jiu for a moment, seeming to notice that he was different than usual.

Liu Qingge then continued to stare silently at Shen Yuan, his gaze hardening with frustration and… and pity. Directed right at Shen Yuan. He stepped to the side so he could ask Shen Yuan a question, bypassing Shen Jiu completely. When he spoke, his voice was unusually soft– like he’s approaching a hurt animal. “...Do you want to leave?”

Shen Jiu’s sanity seemed to snap at that. He unsheathed his sword halfway and spiritual energy flooded the air like thick poison. His face was burning with fury Shen Yuan hadn’t seen since Wu Yanzi had jammed a knife into his hand, his face red and his lips twisted into something foul and dark. “Do not talk to him! Do not look his way! And don’t you fucking dare even consider taking him away from here. From me!”

They were going to fight. They were going to fight and Shen Jiu was going to get hurt and it was all going to be Shen Yuan’s fault. His next breath was hitched, and the words stuck in his throat finally loosened and came out. “Please, don’t fight. I’m fine, Liu-Shixiong.” The words hurt to say, but it had everything that was slowly building up come to a screeching halt. Shen Jiu turned to glare at him– offended that he had talked to Liu Qingge. And Liu Qingge was still just looking at him with that awful combination of confusion and pity. How could he not, anyway? Shen Yuan’s face must be full of terror and apprehension.

Liu Qingge, after a moment, hesitantly sheathed his sword. He seemed to recognise Shen Yuan didn’t want them to fight, and was at least willing to respect that.

He turned and stormed out. Shen Yuan stared longingly at him, feeling on the verge of tears that he refused to let fall. He told himself he wouldn’t cry, even if two people had just been chased out of his life by his closest companion.

The door slammed shut and he flinched. Shen Jiu’s shoulders were still heaving with each of his infuriated breaths. His eyes were like a venomous fire– dark green and glowing with animosity, anger and satisfaction.

“See?” He said after a long moment. “Without me, you would be constantly assaulted by those brutes and pathetic, disgusting men. These people– they will never have any good intentions, A-Yuan. But you’re too nice to realise that, aren’t you? Always handing out compassion and sympathy like it could save you one day. But it will get you killed, without me you would be dead already.” Shen Jiu’s voice got more confident and calm as he spoke. He sheathed his sword and pulled out his fan– Shizun’s old fan.

Shen Yuan did not respond, only sighing and looking at his slumped form. He was just too tired to fight at this point.

Shen Jiu walked over to him and ran a hand through his hair. It was comforting and draining. “You still need to plan your next lesson, right? I can assist you with that.”

Shen Yuan nodded, and knew that like always, the fight had been brushed aside.

 

---

That night, Shen Jiu paced around his office.

How dare he?

How DARE he?!

For that fucking beast to come into their home while he was comforting Shen Yuan, only to make the situation worse and scare Shen Yuan even more? Shen Jiu was even more certain now. They were out for Shen Yuan.

That Shang Qinghua had been glancing at A-Yuan the entire time, his eyes full of curiosity and a sickening desire to connect with him. Why? Obviously, because he had something in mind for A-Yuan.

His fist tightened around his fan. He paced faster.

Those pathetic bastards, trying to get their hands on A-Yuan. Shen Jiu will not allow it! He refused to let another Wu Yanzi slither into his home right under his nose! That bastard had also pretended to have their best intentions in mind, and Shen Jiu had foolishly gone along with it because he hoped to finally have somewhere stable to be. Then Wu Yanzi tried to torture and kill Shen Yuan. Qiu Jia–

He froze. He hated the shiver he got at that name. The wood in the fan nearly splintered and his knuckles paled.

That bastard had fed pills to A-Yuan, saying it was for his benefit. Then tried to– to use and assault him in the worst way possible.

Everyone in his life turned on him.

And when Liu Qingge came charging in, asking Shen Yuan if he wanted to fucking leave, he had to defend him! Trying to exploit A-Yuan’s fragile mental state, who knows what would’ve happened if A-Yuan had agreed out of a sense of shame or guilt? Liu Qingge could have easily forced A-Yuan down and–

How is he being treated like the villain!?

He was the one trying to keep him safe. He was the one trying to stop him from suffering what he suffered every damn day in that horrible, disgusting mansion! He was trying to be helpful in the only way he’d ever been taught how to. Yet that never seemed to be enough.

Shen Jiu threw the fan across the room, it hit the wall and fell. Thankfully it did not break. He inhaled sharply and tried to calm his furious thoughts. He walked, slowly, to the fan and picked it up once more. Shizun’s cranes stared up at him, and he briefly wondered if Shizun had cried over his daughter dying. Would Shen Jiu cry if A-Yuan died? What would he do? He’d dedicate his life to avenging him, and then join him, obviously.

And now, everything has gone back to shit. A-Yuan had looked so morose and melancholic as he’d gotten ready for bed. His limbs loose and lethargic, the gaze in his eyes distant. Shen Jiu hated seeing that expression on Shen Yuan, it was like he closed himself off within his own mind, like a turtle retreating into its shell. He’d barely even pulled the covers over himself properly, prompting Shen Jiu to do it himself.

He needed a distraction, someone he could trust A-Yuan with.

It hit him, and the idea nearly had him staggering with relief.

He recalled Yue Qi’s awkward attempts at getting to know A-Yuan, his stuttering, bumbling failures of small talk. He obviously wanted to befriend A-Yuan, and he was the perfect pawn. Willing, complacent, predictable. He chased after Shen Jiu’s validation and forgiveness like a starved man for sustenance. He would never consider taking A-Yuan from him, he valued Shen Jiu’s will more than anyone. So maybe, letting them talk to each other could benefit him as well. It would give A-Yuan another emotional tie to these mountains, another reason to stay. It would also make him less lonely and therefore less likely to seek out the company of others.

He caressed the fan for the final time, then slotted it away before leaving the office. He was calm now, so he could head to bed without Shen Yuan sensing anything odd with him. He was already dressed for rest, and placed the fan on his nightstand before shuffling under the covers. He glanced over at Shen Yuan, who was curled onto his side and had his face half-buried into his pillow. His shoulders were tense but they weren’t shaking, so he wasn’t crying. Shen Jiu reached out and placed a hand on his arm.

“You know I’m doing this to protect you, right?” Shen Jiu asked, almost hesitantly. His voice was soft and a mere whisper, but the room was so silent that it still sounded like a shout.

Shen Yuan tensed minutely, then nodded into his pillow. His words were muffled. “I know.”

Shen Jiu smiled. It was too dark for anyone else to see it, and with Shen Yuan’s back facing him, he wasn’t at all concerned at being exposed. He shuffled closer and sighed. “Good.”

Notes:

I adore writing cumplane interactions! Poor Shang Qinghua is desperately trying to figure out if Shen Yuan is a transmigrator or NPC he forgot writing about.
And Liu Qingge just wants to talk to Shen Yuan without his warden around.
Next chapter will have beloved Yue Qi in it, and his chance to be allowed to connect with Shen Yuan.
As always, thank you for reading ^^

Chapter 20: Official Friend Number Two! For The Second Time? Two Time's A Charm!

Notes:

Didn't mean for this chapter to come out late, buncha stuff keeps happening and holy shit the year is already almost over? Anyway, hope you enjoy! :>
Also, finally some good ol' Yue Qingyuan POV!

Yue Qi was surprised to see a letter addressed to him from Qing Jing Peak, then utterly shocked when it was from Xiao Jiu himself. His hands held the folded paper for a long while, before they shakily undid it and revealed the contents.

An invitation… to tea? With A-Yuan? He double checked the sender and the name ‘Shen Qingqiu’ was written in elegant, perfect handwriting. Yue Qi flipped it back over and reread it once more.

‘I have noticed that Shen Yuan has been disquieted recently, and that last time you were acquainted with him, his mood was significantly raised. You are permitted to have a brief and supervised meeting with Shen Yuan for tea. Do not be late.’

He sat down in his office and studied each word carefully. If it came from Xiao Jiu, it was something that needed to be unraveled. Much like all that man touched, he left complexion and hidden meanings in his wake. But Yue Qi was good at decoding. He'd been taught by his Shizun to look deeper, and even before his arrival at this sect, his environment raised him to look for the hidden intent behind words. Humans liked to use words to distort, but it was just their nature to do that. One couldn't be surprised at a human for lying as a fish for disturbing water as it swam. A man that would offer food and try to get services out of it. A woman who took pity on the orphans until it no longer convenienced her. Even the patrolling guards, looking for helpless commoners to take their suppressed anger out on. All these had taught him many things as a child, and he'd continued to carry those lessons into adulthood.

And with all that knowledge, he easily came to one conclusion. Xiao Jiu was upset. He picked that up quickly. But Shen Jiu's anger was justified in this case. He'd heard from someone at Qing Jing Peak that the meeting between him and Shang Qinghua did not go well, and right afterwards at likely the worst moment, Liu Qingge had also arrived seeking out Shen Yuan. Two attempts at engaging with Xiao Jiu’s dearest companion had certainly pissed him off, of course he’d be wary after such intrusions. Judging from this letter, it seemed that A-Yuan was also upset at being denied his right to talk to them, but Xiao Jiu always knew best. Even if A-Yuan's distress was natural; Yue Qi understood the boy's loneliness, a loneliness he himself had helped create by his prolonged absence and neglect. And thankfully, most natural causes had their remedies.

It seemed he was using Yue Qi to remedy A-Yuan’s loneliness, knowing that Yue Qi himself also desired a deeper connection. It was almost frighteningly impressive how well Xiao Jiu picked everyone apart, but Yue Qi didn't view this skill with disdain: he was impressed, proud, even. People's intentions, their emotions and thoughts– Xiao Jiu had a read on them all. Yue Qi smiled and shook his head, caressing the edge of the letter carefully. He did not mind. He hadn't expected to be treated as a friend at this point, anyway. What he did to them both… what he had left them to deal with by themselves, it was a wonder they even wanted to be in his life again. Yue Qi deserved this coldness. He deserved to be used. It was simply karma for all he still needed to atone for. So even if it made this joy be tinged with grief, even if he felt sorrow for how he was being treated, he would deal with it.

He walked to his room and changed into a new set of robes. Be perfect. He arranged his hair until it fell perfectly down his shoulders and back. You have to be perfect. He wiped his face with cold water until it was pale and completely clear of any dust or sweat. Everything has to be perfect. He made sure he looked pristine and as he went through the motions, he stared at himself in the mirror and wondered if he would meet Xiao Jiu’s standards. Perfection. He was excited, of course, but that delight was interwoven with a deep guilt. There was a reason he hadn’t been allowed to see A-Yuan often despite bringing him up to the other man. Xiao Jiu didn't trust him because of his past failures. Even after Yue Qi had realised he desired a deeper connection with Shen Yuan than what he currently had, he still hadn't forgiven. Xiao Jiu had been wary and kept them separated.

Though it seemed Xiao Jiu was being forced to play his hand; it was a hand he’d happily accept, even if there were more downsides than upsides. He deserved those downsides, they would keep him from messing everything up again. They reminded him what he was here for.

He stared at himself for one last time-you aren't perfect enough for them-, then turned and departed.

He made sure to arrive early, and he lingered around the grounds until it was the exact time that had been arranged. Yue Qi strolled into the Qing Jing Peak’s famous gardens and realised that Xiao Jiu had picked quite the public location for their meeting. He must have had a reason for that, and Yue Qi hurried to find the correct answer. Did he worry Yue Qi would do something to A-Yuan, even after all this time? Was this a reminder that he was in control here? If that was the case, Yue Qi would have to work harder to prove that he was safe and reliable to be around. Lavender bushes formed neat lines, thin stalks of purple flowers bright and vivid. He walked further into the garden, the mingling scents of hundreds of flowers forming a bouquet of delightfully floral smells. He breathed in deeply as he spotted them.  He noted that that table had been nestled into a corner. Shen Jiu was sitting on one side of the table, with his back to a row of dense lavender bushes. He was never one to leave his back unguarded. His face was framed with purple like the rosy peach in a sunset. Yue Qi stepped closer and finally saw Shen Yuan, who was seated to Xiao Jiu’s left. A-Yuan's back wasn't facing the lavender, but rather the entire garden. Light spilled onto his form and while Xiao Jiu looked like dusk, he looked like the gentle beauty of dawn, the beginning of something new. When Shen Jiu finally raised his head and acknowledged Yue Qi, he gestured with a sharp jerk of his head for Yue Qi to sit to his right.

He obeyed.

The grass was soft and dry from the bright sun. The air was fresh and damp. Wind carried the gentle smells of flowers and soil. He cared for none of it now that he was in front of these two, nothing else mattered to him. Yue Qi saw the immediate tension between Xiao Jiu and A-Yuan and the beauty around them was forgotten. Xiao Jiu was tense, eyes tense and gaze weighted. Shen Yuan was… withdrawn, he had a polite, hesitant smile on his face and his shoulders were slumped. His eyes were framed by purple skin that looked like soft shadows, necklaces of exhaustion barely visible to the outside world but starkly clear for Yue Qi. He hadn’t been sleeping well– neither of them had been. His heart ached with a familiar, deserved guilt. This tension was his fault. If he had just been there for them, would Xiao Jiu feel forced to defend A-Yuan so deeply? If he had been there, would Xiao Jiu have clung so heavily to A-Yuan until the weight of his love suffocated the other? Would A-Yuan have been so reliant on him in turn, if he had another shoulder to lean on? It was difficult to see their relationship be so strained when they needed each other. It was as codependent as the fungi and algae in lichen.

He sat and his robes formed a circle around his body. He kept his back rigid. His eyes pointed down at the set teacups and teapot. His hands folded on his lap evenly. It felt like a performance, but it was much more than that. This was a test, a chance for something more bestowed upon him, and he would be foolish to let it fall to ruin over any simple mistake. He felt Xiao Jiu’s gaze like a physical, heavy weight upon his person. It was calculated, Xiao Jiu knew when to make his gaze go unfelt.

“It’s good to see you again, Yue Qi.” Shen Yuan started somewhat stilted, his hands were fidgeting in his lap but he wore a genuine smile, even if it was smothered by exhaustion and awkwardness.

Yue Qi smiled and nodded. “Indeed, it has been a while. I hope your new home has been treating you well?”

Shen Yuan also smiled, a small, delicate thing. His shy body language started to open up a bit more as they finally had a topic to converse over. “It’s a lovely home, and it’s so far up the peak that fog manages to creep inside and it looks so….” He tapered off and his hands started to fidget again. His gaze quickly fell to the teacups before them. For some reason, that nervousness had suddenly returned. Was it the topic? Was the house a sore spot for him? But why? Did it have to do with the recent events? He needed to keep things pleasant. He couldn't do that if he didn't know.

“Do you want me to pour you some tea?” Yue Qi offered and A-Yuan looked at Xiao Jiu for a second, silently asking for permission from Xiao Jiu first. Yue Qi kept his gaze fixed on A-Yuan, who saw something in Xiao Jiu's eyes that made him slowly nod. Yue Qi leaned over and picked up the teapot, seeing a warming talisman engraved into the side of it-- one of A-Yuan’s little tricks. He smiled at that as he poured tea for Shen Yuan first, then Xiao Jiu, and finally himself. This order was deliberate to show that despite ranking higher than Shen Qingqiu, he was giving him the power here.

“...have you been enjoying your new title?” Shen Yuan asked softly and Yue Qi nodded, pleased for a chance to talk to him about something else.

“I have, there is a lot of work behind it, but every second is worth that effort.” He knew this was the correct response, and any other opinion was a horrible reflection on his work ethics. It didn't matter if it was the real response, he wouldn't be able to tell if it was real anyway.

Shen Yuan nodded absentmindedly, looking at the liquid in his cup. He had it cupped between his hands and cradled like a baby bird. He seemed distracted. Yue Qi had a small swell of panic in his chest. The only reason he was allowed here by Xiao Jiu was to fix A-Yuan’s attitude. If he failed to do even that, then he’d certainly be refused not just a second chance, but the entire bridge Xiao Jiu was extending to him would be withdrawn permanently. It would be proof that his usefulness was not all-encompassing and had its limits. If he couldn’t even comfort Shen Yuan this one time, then of what use was he? He may as well isolate himself without Xiao Jiu even stepping forward to bestow that upon him.

“I… heard that you are now teaching the junior disciples here. I can see that their moods have improved significantly. You should be proud of yourself, A-Yuan.” Yue Qi said and knew he’d finally said the right thing. A soft flush crept up Shen Yuan’s neck and seemed to brighten the darkness under his eyes. He averted his gaze with a bashful smile and his hands stopped fidgeting. Only a single finger was left in motion, tapping the back of his other hand in a soundless rhythm. Yue Qi took this brief moment to look over at Xiao Jiu. He looked just as exhausted as Shen Yuan. A familiar, helpless guilt clawed back up in his throat. Shen Jiu stared back emotionlessly. He must’ve seen the worry in Yue Qi’s eyes as he rolled his eyes with a scowl, looking away in a clear dismissal. Yue Qi’s fists clenched on his lap and he tried to relax.

Shen Yuan thankfully took this chance to respond. “Thank you, it’s been really fun teaching them. They’re so eager to learn anything, they’re like little sponges!” Shen Yuan then muttered a joke under his breath and laughed to himself, Yue Qi watched with polite patience as Shen Yuan remembered he wasn’t alone and launched right back into his compliments. It was a quirk of his that Yue Qi had missed dearly. “They’re so quick with anything I teach, too! I feel like I could hold a lesson about advanced algebra and they’d have it nailed in one lesson.”

He seemed genuinely proudful, and that finally made both Xiao Jiu and Yue Qi share a moment of unguarded relief. In an instant, Yue Qi felt something that felt dangerously close to hope.

“That’s wonderful to hear, A-Yuan.”

“And how about your own disciples?” Shen Yuan was talking more animatedly, fully engaged in the conversation. Yue Qi did not want to risk a glance over at Xiao Jiu, and could only hope he was pleased with the current conversation.

“I don’t teach them myself, I have yet to pick out a head disciple, either. There is a lot of work to adjust to, and I don’t trust myself to not neglect them by mistake. I have multiple teachers teaching them for me.” Yue Qi explained calmly and Shen Yuan nodded along, the smile still plastered to his face. Shen Yuan went to pour them the next batch of tea, much to his surprise. He threw a quick, panicked stare at Xiao Jiu but he didn’t seem to care, only smiling at A-Yuan and nodded. When he did look at Yue Qi, he sensed no hostility in the stare, so he forced himself to calm down, smile, and thank A-Yuan.

“That makes sense! Jiu-ge is always so busy, it must be hard being a Peak Lord.”

Xiao Jiu tilted his head toward A-Yuan. “Hm? If I remember correctly, you keep making me take breaks so I don't ‘burnout’ even after I keep insisting that I don't need them.”

“Well, you do need them!” Shen Yuan fired back. “It sucks seeing you so tired all the time! Why can't you just accept help?” He continued with an amused, teasing smile on his face. That smile quickly faltered as he seemed to realise that Xiao Jiu was genuinely upset. It was after that split-second that Yue Qi was witness to something... peculiar. A-Yuan shuffled closer to Xiao Jiu and rolled his eyes –Yue Qi saw through that fake exasperation– he was disguising his unease. It was a strange ritual to observe as a spectator.

“Jiu-ge, come on, you know I'm right!" A-Yuan started to poke his cheek and Xiao Jiu's cheeks reddened. His flustered irritation broke that genuine distress. He hit A-Yuan’s hand with his fan, and A-Yuan yelped as he pulled his sore knuckles to his chest.

"You are not!" Xiao Jiu hissed, but it held no malice.

A-Yuan smiled.

It was… unsettling. Shen Yuan managed to drag Xiao Jiu back to normal so efficiently it was obvious he was experienced in dealing with it. Yue Qi started to see their dynamic in a new, duller light. Not just two people bonded over their trauma, but one struggling to communicate that and the other trying to keep up the facade of normalcy. It surely had to be draining. How long could Xiao Jiu keep it all inside? How long could A-Yuan adjust himself to accommodate?

He did not comment on any of this. It was no longer his place to.

He instead waited until he was allowed back into the conversation by a glance from Xiao Jiu. He made himself smile. “Breaks are good, but X–Shen Jiu is right, Shen Yuan, he knows his own limits.”

Shen Yuan looked almost betrayed that Yue Qi was so blatantly taking Xiao Jiu's side. He rolled his eyes. “Whatever, fine! Who cares I think?”

Yue Qi chuckled and Xiao Jiu muttered under his breath.

They resumed a quiet, peaceful chatter. Yue Qi managed to strike conversation directly with A-Yuan, who stumbled over his words at first but then got back into the rhythm of their dialogue. Xiao Jiu oversaw all of this quietly, joining in only if A-Yuan reached out to him and acknowledged him directly. It was obvious that he was only here to keep an eye on Yue Qi. 

At the end, when their tea and words ran dry, Xiao Jiu interrupted. “A-Yuan, you have lessons coming up. Go get ready.”

“Ah… right.” Shen Yuan pouted and stood up. “It… It was nice to talk to you again, Qi-ge.” He said and walked off before he could see the reaction that nickname got out of Yue Qi. His heart lurched with happiness. He rarely ever heard it anymore, Xiao Jiu only used it when he wanted something or was too vulnerable to keep his mouth in check. To hear it offered not from a moment of weakness or manipulation, but a willful decision had his heart hammering. Yue Qi stared at Shen Yuan’s retreating form, until he was left alone in the quiet yet demanding presence of Xiao Jiu.

Xiao Jiu talked immediately, the complete opposite of the previous hours. “He liked this.”

“I think so.” Yue Qi said with a hesitant smile. Did he pass the test?

“There have been others trying to reach out to him. I refuse to let them anywhere near A-Yuan.” Xiao Jiu continued after a moment, “but it’s A-Yuan’s loneliness that has been the most irritating thing to deal with. He wants to be with them.”

Yue Qi nodded, already knowing that Liu Qingge tried to come here and was promptly chased off. “I see.”

“You will be A-Yuan’s only friend. Keep him from wanting to reach out to others, that is your task. If you overstep or fail in this I will retract your permission to see him. Am I understood?”

His heart skipped a beat. Victory merged with a hollow sadness at being used like this. He was only here because A-Yuan was lonely, and he was preferable to anyone else. If Xiao Jiu liked anyone else, or even trusted someone else a bit more, he’d certainly pick them over Yue Qi. But Yue Qi was his only option. Still, he felt immense gratitude at the door being cracked open slightly, even if there was still a door stopper on the other side keeping him from walking inside. He bowed his head and nodded. “Of course, I understand, Shen Qingqiu.”

“Good.” Xiao Jiu stood up and looked down at him, before walking off without another word.

Yue Qi cleaned up the table, then retreated to his own peak. He could not help but smile, despite it all. Restrictions aside, he was finally being allowed back into their lives, bit by bit. He might be a starving dog, but he would not be greedy. He would happily accept whatever scraps were given to him, because it was far more than he’d ever deserve.

 

---

 

Shen Yuan paced around the empty classroom, feet rapidly padding across the ground like droplets of rain. He had a hand on his elbow, and with his other, he drove the edge of a fan into his jaw. The wood dug into the underside of his chin, and he let the uncomfortable sensation ground him as he waited for the class to start and for disciples to arrive. As he waited, he’d decided to burn off some of that restlessness that had built up during that strange yet comforting tea.

Shen Yuan was confused what made Jiu-ge want to suddenly allow him to talk to someone. He still recalled that feeling of arms wrapped tightly around him, telling him that he was in danger when others lingered nearby. To have a sudden shift between that suffocating caution and this attempt at letting him talk to someone else was befuddling but not unwelcome. Despite how confused he was, he was still happy regardless!

Of course, if it were anyone Shen Jiu would permit to talk with him, it would be Yue Qi, despite their… differences. Because although Shen Jiu doubted everyone and trusted no one, he at the very least was civil and considered Yue Qi’s opinions around ten percent of the time, which was ten percent more than literally anyone else. But he had mixed feelings regarding Yue Qi, and although none of those feelings were hate, it still made talking to him as awkward as it had been fun.

On one hand, he was happy to be talking to the other man again. Because he was probably one of the most caring people they’d ever met in this world. He had made mistakes but who the fuck hadn’t in this horrible place? Shen Yuan had made plenty himself, so he was in no place to judge. He didn’t hold a grudge against Yue Qi like Shen Jiu did. He probably would’ve, if he hadn’t known what Yue Qi was like in the future: reading about him as an adult gave him an insight even during their younger years that helped stave off what would’ve otherwise been a horrific misunderstanding.

He knew Yue Qingyuan worshipped the ground Shen Jiu treaded on, but as a mere reader without any context, that had infuriated him to no end. Why? Why would he let that scum villain abuse his disciples? Why did he never intervene? Now he knew, and it may not be a justification for what he allowed, but it certainly explained so much. It also meant he knew Yue Qi hadn't wanted to abandon them. So, no, he didn’t hate Yue Qi. Quite the opposite, in fact. He had fond memories of their childhood, how could he hate the poor man?

But on the other hand, it felt like he was somehow intruding. Which was stupid– he grew up with Qi-ge as well! But during his time reading the book, he’d subconsciously linked the two together. Scum Villain and his Accomplice. And even now, he still thought of Jiu-ge and Qi-ge as some sort of pair, something he didn’t truly belong in. Shen Yuan felt, sitting there as Yue Qi looked at him instead of his precious Xiao Jiu, that he was intruding somehow. He was robbing a conversation that could be occurring between them instead. He was stealing more moments of understanding that could mend their relationship. He despised this feeling, but it refused to budge.

And why was Yue Qi reaching out to him now, anyway?! Why now, after all those years of chasing after Jiu-ge’s approval like a lovesick puppy? He had no idea. Ever since he’d helped them reconnect (somewhat) their dynamic had shifted so abruptly he could no longer keep up with it, the guidelines he wanted to use to stay in the loop were completely shattered by this divergence. This was no longer the recognisable, tragic story from the novel. Did Jiu-ge still hate Qi-ge? Did Qi-ge still focus solely on getting Shen Qingqiu’s approval? Well, apparently not! 

He was confused. Happy, but confused.

He ran out of energy, and went to sit down. He went through his papers and settled down at the desk to wait. Stuck here, he was stuck in his thoughts as a byproduct.

Maybe Jiu-ge felt bad for him after chasing away both Shang Qinghua and Liu Qingge. Did that count as emotional progress? He felt himself smile and his shoulders sagged dramatically with relief. His hair warmed in the sun, and he shuffled slightly to sit in a shadier spot. The sunlight was a straight ray that cut a long line across the floor. Shen Jiu had picked a lighter, gentler tone of green for his robes, and as a result, it sometimes glowed near-illuminescent as it reflected all the light. It had a few designs on it, beautifully embroidered into the fabric, but the light drowned it out and he couldn’t see them properly. Shen Jiu had expressed one of his few smiles as he handed these over to him, eyes lit in a way the sun could never do itself. Shen Jiu was smiling more despite his chronic exhaustion, or maybe, it was the exhaustion that made it harder for him to hide his emotions. Either way, Shen Yuan would treasure each smile offered to him.

He smiled at the memory just as the first disciple tricked in like an uncertain critter. He looked up and smiled encouragingly at the poor boy, who scampered over to sit down at the front of the room.

“G-Good morning, Shishu.” He said and Shen Yuan’s heart skipped a beat. How adorable! He was being called Shishu now?

His smile grew and he nodded. “Good morning, Zhi Peng.”

Zhi Peng nodded back hesitantly and looked down at the table. His bun was so poorly done it looked like it would burst any moment.

More children started to flood in and Shen Yuan smiled as he greeted them all. Most of them had gotten used to him and were open, but a few were still awkward around him. After at least fifteen had shown up, he stood up and inhaled sharply. Okay. Time to initiate teacher mode!

“Good morning everyone.” He started and looked down at his book. “Today, I’ll be showing you the second staple of a talisman: strokes and order.”

Every head was looking in his direction. He’d at least gotten over the awkwardness and jittery nerves from being stared at by so many eyes. He liked to pretend he was talking to a bunch of tiny animals instead, like that one time he offered to volunteer at an animal shelter and was told to entertain the kittens while their cages were being cleaned– having all these eyes on him felt exactly the same as back then! Inwardly, he cooed at them. “Can anyone guess how strokes play a part in talisman crafting?”

No hands were raised, and he mentally sighed. Aiyah, how shy they all were!

He smiled and continued. “Calligraphy is an art form, it helps keep every stroke even, elegant, and perfect. But what if your talisman requires more force and aggression? Do you think a soft writing style will help you get what you need?”

A few heads shook quietly. He beamed and continued. “Exactly. Now what about the order?”

This time, a few hands rose quietly. He resisted the urge to break out into a victorious dance and instead pointed to a small girl, Lin Fei, at the back. She seemed to tense up, as though her arm had somehow raised itself, and nervously stumbled over her words. “Um… d- does the order affect the impact?”

“Bingo!” He said, then reigned himself in because did bingo even exist here? Probably not, judging from the strange glances. Still, they sensed his pride and relaxed. Lin Fei’s face no longer remained a pale white that resembled the paper on her desk. “Good job, Lin Fei, you’re correct. The stroke order can play a big role in how a talisman functions. Now, let’s start with a simple fire talisman, shall we?”

They launched into the lesson, and Shen Yuan felt a nostalgic pang as they made the same mistakes he did when his Shizun had begun teaching him. Despite this quiet, longing sorrow, he did not have to fight to keep the smile on his face as disciples began to open up to him and ask him questions with eager faces. He encouraged every question with a gentle smile and helped correct mistakes before they could give up. It felt… nice. Being treated like someone who could handle themselves. He was sick of always being coddled, and since he was now a teacher figure to these children, they all looked up to him like someone! They talked to him like his opinions were important, and he could handle himself. The elation every single time he said something and his words weren’t immediately brushed off was immeasurable.

By the end of the lesson, the sun had moved enough to touch his hair again as he remained seated. He let it linger this time. “Good job, everyone here should be proud of themselves. Go eat and rest.”

A few disciples scrambled off to play, some nodded their thanks, and a few even shot him bright smiles before excusing themselves. He remained seated and reading, occasionally glancing up to see if everyone had packed up and left yet. He was surprised to see Zhi Peng still lingering. He kept glancing up at Shen Yuan with nervous, frantic eyes. Shen Yuan smiled at him. “What’s the matter, Zhi Peng?”

Zhi Peng’s cheeks burned an embarrassed red and he stood up. A huge stain of black ink coated his entire robe. “I… I accidentally spilled some. I’m sorry… I didn’t mean to waste anything.”

Shen Yuan’s mind heaved a huge sigh– he’d been expecting something far worse than spilt ink! He stood up and walked over, crouching to be on eye level with the embarrassed disciple. “It’s alright to make mistakes. We have plenty of spare robes for you while this one is washed.”

“I.. I know but, I don’t want to, um, leave. They’ll see and tease me.” Zhi Peng mumbled with pink cheeks. 

Shen Yuan placed a hand on his shoulder and Zhi Peng tensed, before looking up at him with wide eyes that sparkled. He wanted to poke that button nose like he would a kitten, but held back because this was a whole, sentient human being. “Zhi Peng, how about I go grab you a spare robe, and you can cover yourself with it while going to replace this one?”

“T- Thank you, Shishu!” He scrambled to clasp his hands together and bow, exposing his fluffy head to Shen Yuan. And what was he supposed to do, not pet it?! He gave the hair a quick ruffle and stood back up.

“It’s no problem. I will be right back.” He hurried to grab a spare robe from their storage closets. As he returned, sun baking his back, he smiled and breathed in the fresh air. He felt content. Helpful.

He draped the robe over Zhi Peng’s shoulders. “Now go on, shoo.” He said with a teasingly soft voice. “We wouldn’t want it to stain, would we?”

“Of course not! Thank you, Shishu!” He turned and scrambled off with glowing cheeks. Shen Yuan watched with a soft smile, before going to pack up his stuff and store it away for the next lesson. He then decided to walk back to the bamboo house and check in on Jiu-ge. He had to make sure Jiu-ge hadn’t burned down the entire house in a furious rage, reminiscent of those rage-quitters in his games. The bamboo house was glowing, but it was thankfully from the sun and not furiously lit flames.

He walked in and Shen Jiu was sitting alone at the table, a cup of tea balanced elegantly in his hand. His eyes calmly opened his eyes upon hearing Shen Yuan's footsteps. He looked scarily calm, like he'd just won a battle or something and was savoring the taste of victory.

That must be some really good tea.

“Welcome back, A-Yuan. How did the lesson go?”

“Good!” He sat down and beamed. “The children were especially attentive and adorable today!”

Shen Jiu chuckled lightly into his cup. “You always did keep calling every child around you cute, even when you were a child yourself.”

“Well, it's true! They're like little ducklings, or tiny possums trying to cling to their mama!”

“Only you would think a rodent is cute.”

Shen Yuan rolled his eyes. “My point still stands. It went well and the disciples were also well.”

“So no… issues?”

Shen Yuan shook his head. “Nope.”

Shen Jiu studied him for a long moment, then finally nodded. “Good; and with Yue Qingyuan, did you enjoy the tea with him?”

“Yes! Thank you for letting me talk to him! I know you weren't happy before… with Liu Qingge and everything, but I'm grateful you've let me talk to Yue Qi again.”

Shen Jiu smiled that strange smile again. “That is good to hear. He enjoyed the tea as well and will be back over tomorrow.”

“So soon?”

“You'll be working in the library sorting through old books, remember? Yue Qingyuan offered to help and keep you company.”

“Oh…” Shen Yuan's eyes widened and his heart fluttered at the thoughtful gesture. He'd thought Yue Qingyuan didn't like him but that was just his insecurities talking! A smile enveloped his face and he shuffled over to hug Shen Jiu. “Thank you for trusting me to have a friend, Jiu-ge!”

“Of course, A-Yuan.” He hugged Shen Yuan back and hesitantly touched his hair. Shen Yuan was glad that he was accepting the hug. It felt like recently, every time they touched, Shen Jiu would tense like he'd had a bad thought. Shen Yuan hoped desperately that his mind hadn't begun to sink back into memories of their time at the Qiu Household. But, if it wasn't that, then why did his mere touch make Jiu-ge's body tense, or his cheeks redden? It was a mystery to Shen Yuan, and it felt like he'd never truly understand anytime soon.

Chapter 21: The Plot Is Coming.

After that first tea with Qi-ge, they fell into a comforting routine for the next few months.

Just long enough that Shen Yuan lowered his guard.

After living in this world for so long, he often forgot that this entire reality came from a novel. But who could blame him for forgetting every now and then? It was an absurd thought to carry all the time, and it wasn’t like he wanted to live in a constant state of derealization! Regardless, what Shen Yuan meant to say was who could blame him for forgetting about the plot? And he didn’t mean Luo Binghe, as that was a thorn he was always aware of. What he meant, was everything else before that conundrum.

Shen Yuan had admired the story up until the harem started to play out, and it was this part in particular he loved reading about. The pieces of world building and setup for the entrance of the main protagonist, it was a testament to Airplane's writing before he turned it into written porn for freaks to get off to. He mourned the story it could have been. But all these moments he read about– they were happening right now.

In the background a plot was playing out. Everything he read wasn’t just an issue for the future, it was something happening right now. It wasn't just a line labeled ‘before Luo Binghe’ and ‘after Luo Binghe’. Today, the curtains of ignorance his mind had cast had been ripped open, and the machinery churning on behind the scenes were exposed to his unwilling eyes. But this was a performance he had no choice but to witness.

He wished this had happened when he was alone, but unfortunately for him, he’d been with Yue Qi. It had been a few months after their first tea together, and Yue Qi had gotten into the habit of helping him sort through the library. It was nice being with the other man. He was a strong, stable presence that lacked the jaded edges of Shen Jiu's. His smile may be riddled with guilt and some sorrow, but it had no secrets within it, no fabricated pieces meant to coax information out of Shen Yuan. He was just another sad, lonely dude!

What was supposed to be one session turned into over six as the books stacked on each other endlessly. A lot of the books in the older section had been utterly neglected to his utter dismay. The smell of old paper and ink was overpowering, and the dust lingered like thick mist in the air. He was squatting rather inelegantly on the floor while Yue Qingyuan, a Sect Leader, stood and flicked through the pages of a book that was falling to pieces.

“This is ineligible.” Yue Qi shook his head and closed the book, placing it upon the pile they'd sorted into the ‘dispose’ pile. “Who's in charge of the library here?”

“Some dude.” Shen Yuan shrugged and pulled out a book to see that he was only holding the cover, like an empty taco shell. The rest of the book was fused to the shelf! He mourned over the accidental degloving of the poor book. “Jiu-ge cursed him out until he was weeping then fired him on the spot. Serves him right! Look at all these beautiful books– destroyed! It could make a grown man cry!” He bemoaned and buried his face into his hands. “Stupid librarian! I hope he tripped and rolled down the peak on his way out!”

He felt Yue Qi's eyes on him and heard a faint chuckle, lighter than the sunlit dust in the air around them. Shen Yuan raised his head and the movement caused the little specks to start moving upwards in a current. He watched it for a moment. “I can't believe how dusty it is here! Come on, there's a window around here somewhere, right?”

“Indeed, it's behind you.” Yue Qingyuan smiled down at him and Shen Yuan tensed, cheeks red.

Right. The sunlight.

He walked over and shoved the window open, turning to walk back. Yue Qi was holding a book but his head was raised, tracing Shen Yuan’s movements with a smile still sitting on his face. “Has teaching gotten any easier? I’ve heard the first week is the hardest.”

Shen Yuan beamed and walked back to where he’d been earlier, squatting once more to snag a book from the bottom shelf. “Ah, the disciples are fantastic! They’re so attentive, sometimes I forget I’m even talking to anyone until a hand is raised. I never knew children could be so quiet!” He wondered if it was just the way children acted in this universe, or if he actually had supreme teaching talent. If it was the latter, he was almost regretful he didn’t attempt teaching in his previous life. What would he have taught? He pondered on that for a brief moment– what had he liked in his previous life? Well, he’d liked PIDW, of course! And… well… ah…

Aha!

A smile slowly formed. He remembered reading one chapter about a new monster, and Airplane had actually written in the author notes at the end that he was inspired by a real life animal. Shen Yuan, of course, had to look into this himself. After that point, he’d learn as much as he could about exotic or unusual animals, being utterly fascinated by them. So maybe he would’ve taught zoology or something. He ignored the fact that this fascination for animals and beasts by proxy was still inspired by PIDW, and to some could still be deemed as a hobby of PIDW– but they'd be wrong! This was totally different!

Satisfied at having answered his own question, he glanced up at Yue Qi, who was watching him with a patient smile. “Anyway,” he hurried to conclude, “I’m quite happy with the way things are going.”

“That’s good to hear.” Yue Qi responded and placed a book in the ‘keep’ pile, which was regretfully minuscule compared to the other. Shen Yuan tore his eyes away from the sorry sight and in the moment of silence between them, his ears became idle. That was the moment they picked up on noise from outside. Curious, he stood up and strolled over. Two older disciples walked past, their arms hoisting up a few boxes as they chattered to each other. He didn’t know what pulled him in, maybe it was the sudden silence he desired to fill, or maybe it was the word ‘demon’ being caught by his ears. Either way he shuffled to the side and decided to eavesdrop.

It was probably the worst decision he’d ever made.

“–must be so upset with her.” An older woman said this, her eyes wide as she kept her gaze ahead of her footsteps.

The slightly younger male disciple chirped up at her comment. “But of course, what kind of distinguished cultivator would fraternize with a demon? If I was the Old Palace Master, I'd be upset too!”

Shen Yuan went pale. His hands tightened around the window frame until the wood creaked under his grip. His heartbeat boomed in his ears like the thunder of an approaching storm. His breaths quickened as those words sunk in, and the pre-written story of this world hit him like a punch to the gut. He held on tighter to prevent himself from falling over, as his body was suddenly hit by a wave of dizziness.

They’re talking about Su Xiyan.

They’re talking about Luo Binghe’s mother.

They mentioned a demon– Tianlang-Jun.

The plot was coming.

There aren't words anymore, they’re happening right now!

He was about to hyperventilate.

What should I do now?

The protagonist is coming.

The Immunity Halo will expire and–

His world started to fall apart.

System! Get online right now! What exactly is going to happen when the Immunity Halo expires?! System!

[Answering Host, after the Immunity Halo expires, the Host’s body will return to the way it was before the Halo was activated. (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) .ᐟ.ᐟ]

So…

His mind jerked backward in time. He remembered Qi-ge holding him as he clung back and his body struggled to get air in. When his inflamed lungs screamed that they weren’t getting the oxygen they needed, and his heart was beating irregularly and causing his limbs to become heavy; his mind hazy from blood deprivation. When the nausea kicked in and his body started to reject food and water. It felt like his organs were rejecting him. It felt like he was about to die, and he didn’t have the medicine he once had to dampen the symptoms of his weak, pathetic body.

His fingers trembled and a long, sharp crack appeared across the window. Shen Yuan hung his head and hair fell around his face, blocking out the world.

What should I do?

What can I do?!

“A-Yuan?”

Yue Qingyuan’s authoritative voice cut through the noise and he gasped, being violently dragged out of his mind. He turned and Yue Qi was staring at him with evident worry. His brows were pulled together and his eyes creased with concern. Shen Yuan's face had been completely drained of blood, he must look like a corpse, judging from the panic in Yue Qi’s face as he stepped closer and held out a hand. His fingers were trembling like he'd been inflicted with hypothermia, he shoved them into his sleeves to hide the shivering. He exhaled shakily and nodded. “Yes?”

“Are you alright?”

“Y-Yeah.”

Yue Qi's face scrunched and he looked at him with disbelief and worry. The concern was radiating in suffocating waves that Shen Yuan was drowning in. He inhaled and nearly choked on the air. The dust was in his lungs, eroding his throat. “The dust. It's just the dust. I feel somewhat… ill, please excuse me. I need to go.” Shen Yuan spoke with a thin voice and ducked past Yue Qi, stumbling outside. Shen Yuan started to breathe in faster, the fresh air helped as it forcefully expanded his lungs with each quiet gasp. His fingers fondled his sleeves and he kept his eyes glued to the ground as the world closed in around him. He was afraid that if he looked up, he’d see the bars in the sky, keeping him trapped here.

System.

System!

[Yes? (˶ᵔ ᵕ ᵔ˶)]

He's coming! What should I do? What am I supposed to do?!

He thought back to the pain he felt when using his qi. The pain he'd gotten used to not being used to.

Can I buy an extension on the Immunity Halo? 

[No, Host is not permitted to extend the length of his Halo. (ᗒᗣᗕ)՞]

I.. I can't. I can't go back to that! Jiu-ge is suffocating enough as it is! I can't deal with it, System! He's going to keep me inside all the time if I start going back to being sickly– please! Please let me buy an extension, I need more time!

[Host is not permitted to extend the length of his Halo. We apologize for any distress this may cause. 人(_ _*)]

Shen Yuan shuddered and fell to his knees, staring unblinkingly at the pebbles underneath him.

I might be able to cultivate, right?

[Despite the Host already being in possession of a golden core, the Host would have to start from scratch with the basics. But the System will happily provide tips and help! It will be possible for the Host to cultivate. (˶˃ ᵕ ˂˶) .ᐟ.ᐟ]

So I'll be stuck on square one with an overbearing Jiu-ge looking over my shoulder. Would he even let me cultivate? Would he consider it too ‘risky’? Fuck! I don’t know what to fucking do!

He looked up and realized he was at the pond. He hadn't been here in a while. It looked like someone had been feeding the fish in his absence. He doubled over and dry-heaved, mercifully, only saliva came out. Stress churned in his gut like an unpleasant meal. He shuddered and wrapped his arms around himself, forehead digging into the pebbles. The stones emitted a heat that burned his face. He squeezed his eyes shut and struggled to inhale. But with each exhale, his breath would whip up the loose dirt and dust, making it even harder to inhale the next time. It was a vicious cycle that was squeezing the life out of him, but he was too panicked to raise his head up.

No. No. No. What am I supposed to say to Jiu-ge? What am I supposed to do? Is he going to abuse Luo Binghe again? Is he going to be limble– no! NO! I don't want him to end up like that! Not Jiu-ge. Someone, please help me. I can't let him die like that. Not after all we've been through. We only just started talking to Qi-ge properly!

He looked up and saw his own tears disturb the water. Droplets broke the calm surface and sent ripples across his reflection. He looked like he was dissolving.

There was another face in the water.

A hand settled on his shoulder.

“A-Yuan?”

He bowed his head so Jiu-ge wouldn't see his tears. It was a futile attempt, as his trembling shoulders gave him away. “I– I'm fine. Go away.”

The hand tightened and moved to wrap around him. It peeled his arms off his chest. It unraveled him. Exposed him. He lamely tried to fight but Jiu-ge was stronger and eventually he was carefully but forcefully twisted around. Firm hands held his arms, which hung limply at his sides. Jiu-ge looked at him. His eyes narrowed and his brow pinched. “A-Yuan, what's wrong? Did something happen to you? Did someone hurt you? Tell me.”

Shen Yuan shook his head and looked away from that piercing gaze. A hand moved onto his cheek and guided his head back up. “Are you…? A-Yuan, why do you look so pale and… unwell?”

Shen Yuan's eyes widened and his face paled. Unwell. He was going to be sick again.

Shen Jiu must've taken the pale face and lack of an answer as an affirmative and he frowned. “Since when? Why did you not tell me?!” He sounded angry, but the anxiousness in his face betrayed his true feelings.

“I– I…” Shen Yuan bit his tongue and his eyes flitted to the side. “Only today…” He whispered and his shoulders slumped. This was it. That was the end of that. Now Jiu-ge was going to be even more frantic over his health. Shen Yuan felt the last visages of his freedom vanish from his vision, and now he was left staring at walls too high to climb.

“We're going to Mu Qingfang.” Shen Jiu stood up and Shen Yuan nodded numbly.

Sick.

Shen Jiu unsheathed Xiu Ya and Shen Yuan allowed himself to be maneuvered onto it. He hung on to Shen Jiu like he was the last anchor left of his own ship. The sky was an ocean underneath them. He squeezed his eyes shut.

When they arrived at Qian Cao Peak, he was forcefully herded to a room and Shen Jiu barked at some poor disciple to get the Peak Lord. Shen Yuan stared unseeingly at his own feet as he sat on the bed for patients.

Back to a hospital, I'm never able to escape these.

He wanted to chuckle bitterly but knew that would make Shen Jiu more worried, so he bit his cheek until blood washed over his tongue like warm syrup.

Mu Qingfang came in with pinched brows and even looked concerned. “Shen-Shixiong, what's the issue?”

“Shen Yuan says he felt sick. Check him.”

Not yet. But he will be.

Mu Qingfang immediately walked over and started to check him. He placed a hand upon his forehead, then frowned, pulling that hand away and instead gently lifting his arm. Shen Yuan allowed his body to be maneuvered. His mind was elsewhere, cycling through all the problems this would cause. His skin was lightly pinched and Mu Qingfang studied the way his skin sank back down– Shen Yuan remembered this being a test for dehydration. After a quick once-over, he placed a couple of fingers to his wrist and pursed his lips into a fine line. “Shen-Shixiong, I can’t sense anything different.” He then turned his attention to Shen Yuan and spoke softly. “Shen Yuan, what did you feel?”

[Reminding the Host about the earlier quest the System gave him! (⸝⸝> ᴗ•⸝⸝)]

He sighed and shook his head. He had to lie once more. “I… suddenly felt dizzy. And my heart ached like… before.”

“Before your meridians redirected themselves?”

He nodded numbly. He felt a sharp pang of guilt tear at him like a knife for lying to them.

Sick.

“That's not good, but I can't feel anything different currently. You say that you felt like you did before the incident, so perhaps your meridians are reverting back to their natural state before the incident.”

Shen Jiu froze from beside him. “So, what? Is he going to be able to cultivate? Is he going to start being sick once more?”

Mu Qingfang looked tired. “I don't know.”

“It’s just a possibility, I've never seen a case like this, Shen-Shixiong  I can't say anything for certain but… with the type of golden core he has, it might be possible to cultivate. But that would depend on whether his meridians could even handle the amount of qi he has stored in his core. They could easily erupt– not to mention whether they’ll even be able to function normally after this. They've basically been conditioned to channel backward.”

Shen Jiu placed his hand over Shen Yuan's and spoke coldly. “I see. Do you have anything you can give him?”

“Well, not at the moment–”

“Then we will take our leave.” Shen Jiu said curtly and stood up. Shen Yuan obediently followed him, he didn’t look back to see what expression Mu Qingfang was making. He'd cringe if there was pity there.

They were silent until they got home. Shen Jiu herded him into the bedroom and started to undo his hairstyle. His hair spilled out and he felt fingers card through his hair. It was barely evening, the sky only just starting to get a few shades of peach and orange.

“I should’ve seen this coming.” He started, and Shen Yuan felt a little bit of him die at that tone.

“You've been pushing yourself and now look. Do you not remember what it was like to be sick?”

Of course I do.

“I'll have to keep a better eye on you. Maybe being with Yue Qi caused you too much stress.”

He wanted to scream.

“I'll make sure you don't get too sick. I’ll have to keep an eye on your body and meridians but it's of no issue to me.”

Hands curled into fists and his shoulders trembled.

“I'll keep you safe.”

He knew those words were a promise but they felt more like a threat.

 

---

 

Shen Jiu watched A-Yuan as he laid in bed and pretended to sleep. His shoulders were stiff and his face tight, still afflicted with that ghostly white. Shen Jiu felt himself start to grow more and more agitated, until his own emotions lashed out at him and he had to leave the room before he got too frustrated. He stood up and turned around, knowing that Shen Yuan would stay awake whether or not he was present.

He knew it was too good to be true.

The fact that Shen Yuan's body had simultaneously taken away his ability to cultivate and also cured him of his illness? It was far too simple. Too clean.

No, fate had to spit in his face once more. Shen Jiu paced around and glared at the ground. A scowl had completely taken over his face like his lips were possessed. What now? What should he do? If Shen Yuan's meridians reverted to the state it was in before the near-death injury, then not only will he be sick again, but he'd also be able to cultivate. He didn’t know which was worse: from what he knew, the illness wasn’t life-threatening, only debilitating. But it also caused him pain, and that was the last thing Shen Jiu wanted for him. On the flip side, his ability to cultivate would throw a wrench in their current status-quo.

A-Yuan could cultivate. He could get stronger. He wouldn't need Shen Jiu. He could leave Shen Jiu.

Shen Jiu’s rage and fear squeezed out between his teeth in a sharp hiss.

The world had once again made him feel too safe.

His fingers dug holes into his palms.

Shen Yuan will be able to cultivate. He might have a strange core, but he was dedicated enough to keep trying. And since the world despised Shen Jiu so much he knew for certain that A-Yuan would figure it out. He'd learn how to use his qi properly, then he'd have access to all the qi stored in that well of a golden core.

And then he could leave Shen Jiu. He could even fight back if he ‘deemed’ Shen Jiu too controlling.

He stormed outside and wanted to rip the bamboo from the very ground. To tear down everything around him. He sneered at the sky and wondered if the gods up there were laughing back down at him. If his Shizun was disappointed as he stared down at him.

Then he remembered something.

Wu Yanzi had once said he could take qi from Shen Yuan.

Shen Jiu felt breathless.

That day… when Shen Yuan had given him qi and he'd burned down the entire Qiu Household… he had been drained afterwards and needed to recover. He'd been even more vulnerable and forced to listen to Shen Jiu.

And it wasn’t like he’d have to dual cultivate to do it. Shen Jiu knew, with absolute certainty, that if he told Shen Yuan he was suffering from qi deviations and needed it, he’d give it up without complaint. Even more– he’d push Shen Jiu into accepting it.

A humorless laugh spilled from his lips like venom.

Look at him, seriously contemplating Wu Yanzi’s words.

And yet, what had he been wrong about?

There were people trying to steal Shen Yuan away. Shang Qinghua with his attempted coded message. Liu Qingge literally asked A-Yuan if he wanted to leave! What if Shen Yuan had said yes in that moment of vulnerability? Would Liu Qingge have fought with Shen Jiu just to grant a wish made out of distress? And what afterwards, when he would've finally had his vile, beastly hands on a vulnerable A-Yuan?! Shen Jiu paced faster, and his feet grinded the grass under his feet into the dirt. He'd have been able to do anything to A-Yuan!

Anything.

He shuddered.

‘If you truly want to keep him safe then abandon all the guilt and sympathy within you, Shen Jiu.’

Shut up.

‘If you have to one day pick between letting him die and taking his qi, what would you do?’

Shut up!

‘Shen Jiu, you really think he won’t get sick of you? You really think someone as weak and soft as him won’t break eventually and leave you?’

“Shut up!”

‘If his life came at the price of you hurting him, why not do it?’

Huh?

When had he fallen to his knees?

Shen Jiu held his trembling hands to his head and tried to hold his brain within his skull. It felt like his mind was about to dissolve and leak from his ears, like those words were about to drip down his head and get caught in his throat. He shuddered and closed his eyes, sitting in the darkness of his own mind.

I would.

If it saved him, I would hurt him.

The realization– the admission itself was damning. The pain and noise and anguish inside his head ceased, and he opened his eyes with a new calmness.

He wondered if Wu Yanzi was laughing at him from beyond the grave, or if his soul had never left this world and had just taken refuge in Shen Jiu’s head instead. Maybe the moment he killed Wu Yanzi, his rage and fury had welcomed the spirit into his body. Maybe the hollowness he carved into his soul had been the perfect grave for that wicked man to crawl into and remain.

 

---

 

Shen Yuan stared at the ceiling.

The sounds of the birds, rustling leaves and laughter of the disciples felt further away than ever. Shen Jiu had forced him to take a few days off teaching and was keeping him here to rest. It was unbearable. Shen Yuan wanted to tear the walls down and get out of here but instead, he stared at the ceiling and watched the sun move across it like the hand of a clock. The day passed as he laid there.

He was tired.

So, so tired.

Maybe he should read?

He rolled into his side and stared at a book just out of his reach. It taunted him from the nightstand. He continued to lay there. And stared.

And stared.

And then the door opened.

Shen Jiu walked in, hands tucked away elegantly into his sleeves as always. He walked over and sat at the edge of the bed, withdrawing a hand to place it upon Shen Yuan's forehead. The gesture was sweet and soft, and it helped ease his frustration a bit. Shen Jiu genuinely thought he was helping, so it was hard to stay mad at him. But the anger at his situation made it hard to be happy about anything.

“A-Yuan, how have you been?”

“Tired.” He murmured and closed his eyes. The hand moved to settle on his cheek.

“Then rest.”

“I'm not tired.” Shen Jiu scoffed lightly and tapped his forehead. He squinted at the scolding touch and opened his eyes. He glared half-heartedly up at Shen Jiu. “I feel tired but I'm not actually tired.” He clarified.

“Shall I make you some tea?”

“I'm not thirsty either.”

“Then what do you want?”

Shen Yuan's eyes drifted back over to the book. “I want that book.” He watched as Shen Jiu shook his head with a slight smile, going to grab it for him.

“Another romance?” Shen Jiu's smile grew teasing.

“Shut up and just hand it over.” Shen Yuan rolled his eyes and accepted the book. He shuffled upward until his back rested against the wall. Shen Jiu was staring at him with a calm expression. Shen Yuan sighed and let the book fall to his lap. “Jiu-ge, I'm feeling better now.”

Shen Jiu's eyes narrowed. “Like you wouldn't lie just to get outside?

"I’m telling the truth! Even Mu Qingfang didn't find anything wrong with me!” Shen Yuan started and held a hand to his chest. He had to get out of here– out of the Qing Jing and go stop what was about to happen–!

[Host is not allowed to change major plot points! (っ- ‸ – ς)]

His heart lurched and his hand fell back down to his lap. What? What does that mean?! What counts as major plot points?! Why the fuck wasn’t he told this earlier?!

“Shen Yuan!” A hand clamped around his wrist and brought him back to reality. “Your face is pale. You look sick just by sitting up!”

“That's not why I– I…”

“Why you what? Because I did not see anything else that could've prompted such a reaction.” Shen Jiu scowled and his grip tightened around Shen Yuan's wrist. “You're lying to me.”

“I'm not! I'm not sick!”

“Yet.” Shen Qingqiu sneered. “But you will be, I see the signs and the fact that you so vehemently deny it is all the proof I need.” He then leaned in to stare at Shen Yuan, his eyes brimming with a calm, cool anger. They were a piercing, bright green, so full of usually hidden emotions that Shen Yuan was being consumed by them. Shen Jiu’s face was smooth and perfect, not betraying the fear and rage hidden within. His grip then softened somewhat and his eyes dulled in their anger. “Do you not want to worry me? Is that why you're trying to lie to me?”

Shen Yuan opened his mouth but was too tired to say anything. He simply hung his head in silent defeat and stared at the book on his lap with hands that trembled with fury and fright.

Shen Jiu waited, then sighed. The grip on his wrist loosened and he was pulled into a hug. Shen Yuan squeezed his eyes shut and felt a hand curl around the back of his head. “Don't worry, A-Yuan. I’ll take care of everything for us.”

Shen Yuan nodded numbly.

He was tired.

So, so tired.

And so he stared. And stared

 

---

 

Three torturous days passed of forced bedrest until Shen Jiu reluctantly let him back out. Shen Yuan nearly cried upon stepping outside. The sun warmed his skin and welcomed him back into the world like the arms of a loving parent. Shen Jiu decided he needed to accompany Shen Yuan to his class. He was like a warden with his hand settled on Shen Yuan's waist as he guided him toward the building. Disciples would glance at them then scuttle off like beetles, terrified of Shen Qingqiu’s wrath for staring at his brother. To the outside world, that's what they were. Shen Yuan has heard all kinds of rumors about them.

Some said they're twins.

Others said they're the same person split in half, and that's why their personalities were so different.

Shen Yuan didn't like that rumor in particular. Just because in those cases, they would describe him as innocent and Shen Jiu as evil, they were humans! Some may enjoy being treated like they could do no wrong, but when it was muddled with coddling and this notion that he needed to be constantly protected, it was unbearable. God forbid he wanted to be treated like an adult!

Not even to mention that it wasn't fair Shen Jiu was being demonized. Sure, he was rude sometimes, but in the original novel there were so many rumors that Shen Yuan knew now weren't true. Shen Qingqiu did not prey on his girl disciples. He did treat them slightly nicer, but he held no lecherous thoughts toward them! He did not kill everyone in the Qiu Household out of bitter jealousy! He did not willingly follow Wu Yanzi!

He was just misunderstood, as much as that word made him cringe and think back to the comments under the webnovel.

The other stuff? Well, Shen Yuan was here now! He could make sure the future abuse never occurred. Instead of justifying all the unjustifiable neglect and abuse of disciples that Shen Qingqiu enacted, he could just prevent it from happening in the first place. With this in mind, he managed to get some of his earlier motivation back. 

They arrived at the classroom and the disciples already waiting there tensed upon their arrival. The rumors of Shen Qingqiu attending this class must’ve spread like wildfire, for every single person was here early and standing with their backs as straight as trunks. Shen Jiu stood in the corner as Shen Yuan started to teach. His arms were crossed and his face blank, his eyes never leaving Shen Yuan’s body once. Shen Yuan tried to help the disciples with a reassuring smile but the atmosphere was tense from their Peak Lord hovering like a hawk, observing Shen Yuan like he was about to collapse any second.

Shen Yuan tried not to think about how bad this was going to get when the Immunity Halo expired and genuine symptoms were going to come back. It was worse enough with Shen Jiu making up reasons that he's sick! In fact, he was certain that if he started coughing right now from the dust, he’d be swept up and marched right back to that damn bamboo house.

He shuddered and shook off that thought, going back to teaching.

The class ended early. Disciples shuffled out and gave Shen Yuan worried, awkward glances as they left, like he was some kind of sacrificial animal they were abandoning to a beast. Shen Yuan sat at the table and buried his head into his hand with a loud, dramatic sigh he hoped irritated Shen Jiu.

Shen Jiu finally moved, walking toward him. “Well? Are you feeling better now?”

“Yes, actually. The sun and fresh air helped.”

Shen Jiu hmph'd then insisted on helping him to his feet. “So I see. You do look less pale.”

Shen Yuan offered him a hesitant grin.

As they walked back, he noticed that Shen Jiu had placed his hand around his waist again. The fingers curled over his hip bone, gently but firmly holding him in place as they walked. Shen Yuan struggled to stop bumping into Shen Jiu and eventually gave up, merely leaning on him slightly. Now Shen Jiu was being overly-clingy, even if he was facing ahead and not actually looking at Shen Yuan.

He was then ushered promptly into the bamboo house's garden, where Shen Jiu played the guqin and he sat on the grass. Bamboo swayed around them like arms dancing. At the back of the fence, clusters of jasmine climbed up the fence and opened their five-petaled bodies for the bugs and bees. Shen Yuan and Jiu-ge sometimes liked to tend to the garden together. It was one of their hobbies that didn’t involve any kind of mental effort or words, just simple, repetitive actions and the sweet fragrance of flora as a reward.

He stared up at the clouds as they drifted by like balls of cotton. Shen Yuan kept his eyes closed and listened to the strings vibrate the air with their soothing melody. He didn't recognize this song, but the sharp sounds of plucked strings were softened as Jiu-ge’s left hand would tap upon the string.

He wished they could just linger in this calming, pleasant silence, but he needed information. The built up anxiety was eating away at him, demanding he figure everything out before they were all either tortured for all eternity or murdered in the most outlandish ways possible. His meta-knowledge made it hard to enjoy anything nowadays.

I want to file a complaint to HR! This mental torture goes against my human rights!

“Hey, Jiu-ge?”

Shen Jiu hummed.

“What's been happening in the world right now?”

The guqin kept playing. “Why do you want to know?”

“Because you’re keeping me stuck here and I’m bored! The least you could do is be my personal news reporter.” Shen Yuan tried to play off his interrogation as mere curiosity. He rolled on his side and watched Shen Jiu's face as he processed these words, he didn’t seem suspicious at this sudden probing. The guqin kept playing.

“There’s been rumors of a demon prowling around with a cultivator from Huan Hua Palace; a heavenly demon to be precise. But there is no need to worry yourself with that, A-Yuan. We'll sort it out.”

Shen Yuan's stomach sank. “Sort it out… how?”

“By containing the beast, of course. We cultivators cannot let a threat like that simply roam around freely.” Shen Jiu said at the same time his finger picked particularly aggressively on a string, his left hand suddenly drifted up the guqin and the sound tightened. “As I said, there is no need to concern yourself with these matters. The Peak Lords will sort it out.”

Shen Yuan stared numbly at the grass his cheek was mushed into, he could see a few ants moving. “I see.”

The guqin kept playing.

“Shen Yuan, why are you acting strangely?”

He opened his mouth but no words came out. When he looked up at Shen Jiu, he was staring back.

The guqin had stopped playing.

“Jiu-ge, are you ever worried that you're doing the wrong thing?” Shen Yuan murmured and the wind carried his quiet words for him. Shen Jiu tensed and his hands clenched around the base of the Qin.

“Why do you ask?”

Shen Yuan rolled onto his back to resume cloud watching.  “Just curious.”

Shen Jiu moved the guqin off his lap and stood, walking over to stand over Shen Yuan, shrouding him in his shadow. His back faced the sun and his face plunged into shadows as he stared downward. His lips were tight but his eyes blazed with a fire of their own. “I used to, but not anymore. Now I know that anything is worth it to keep you safe.”

Shen Yuan couldn't see the clouds anymore.

“What about keeping yourself safe?”

Why do you ignore your own pain?

Shen Jiu scoffed slightly and shook his head. “I can keep myself safe perfectly well.”

Shen Yuan thought back to when he'd come back from Qiu Jianluo’s lessons, eyes red and wet. Or when he'd come back from Wu Yanzi and hold Shen Yuan's body during the nights like he was a lifeline for him. He never cried during these moments, but the hurt staining his eyes like spilled paint was too evident to disregard. Shen Yuan then wondered if that was true, or if Shen Jiu thought that didn't matter compared to Shen Yuan's pain. The thought made his heart ache. He reached out and grabbed the sleeve of Jiu-ge's robe. He tugged like a toddler until Shen Jiu crouched with a dramatic sigh.

Shen Yuan lurched upward and hugged him.

Jiu-ge returned the hug automatically, his grip then tightening in silent gratitude.

We're so fucked.

Notes:

Slowly but surely, Luo Binghe is coming.
I'm sure Shen Jiu will be totally normal about that!
I'm actually quite far into writing this story, I'm shocked at how long it is now. I didn't expect it to go over thirty chapters let alone forty
Anyways, thanks for reading as always!

Chapter 22: The Sealing of Two Fates

Shen Jiu despised Peak Lord Meetings, but they were essential.

For one, the noise. His senses were always hyperaware, and he picked up every bit of stimulus. The creaking chairs, the shuffling of robes and fabrics, skin rubbing against wood, the faint breaths that were far too loud for his liking. He hated it all, yet his ears still picked it up for him like collecting litter.

The table was always full of restless energy too, how could it not be after shoving a bunch of hot-headed, powerful people into the same enclosed area? Now was especially an anxious time that could produce jittery nerves and loose tongues, a recipe for baking arguments. And now he was on the receiving end of Liu Qingge’s glares and Shang Qinghua’s nervous whimpering and whining– the last one pissed him off especially, because why would a man so frightened by him also keep glancing at him? The constant stares and sounds burrowed under his skin like the slimy, disgusting mouths of leeches, until his mind screamed at him to scrape them off and storm out of the entire damn building.

But he couldn’t, because they were essential.

Yue Qingyuan was at the front. He adorned a mask of perfection as consistent as his guilt. His hair neat and flawlessly smooth, with robes absent of a single wrinkle. His gaze was firm and steady, displaying not a single drop of doubt. It was a perfect mask, but Shen Jiu grew up with this man. He saw past Yue Qi's desperate attempts and saw the man within. The things he could not control showed the frayed edges of his internal conflict. His pale hands. His tense shoulders. The darkness that claimed the skin under his eyes. He hadn’t been sleeping well, and Shen Jiu hated that a small part of him was worried. A traitorous sliver that still clung to their past, crying to him to go check on their Qi-ge and make sure he was healthy.

He ignored it, because that was not essential.

“A heavenly demon is a grave threat to every sect and cultivator in this world.” Yue Qingyuan began, his shoulders locking and his eyes becoming steel. “We cannot let such a calamity level threat remain the way he is now. He poses too much of a risk to the safety of every human.”

The Peak Lords nodded along and Shen Jiu quietly nodded too. Though he agreed wholeheartedly, the echoing words from A-Yuan pestered him to no end. He thought back to Shen Yuan’s strange attempts to dissuade him. He had acted like he somehow knew this demon and if Shen Jiu hadn't gotten one of his disciples to report Shen Yuan's activities to him, he might have seriously considered if he'd somehow gotten off the Peak. But he's been here since the start. There was no possible way for them both to have met. He chalked it up to A-Yuan being emotionally sensitive and weak as usual.

“Are we fighting him?” Liu Qingge spoke up, finally tearing his eyes away from Shen Jiu. “I'm willing to fight him.”

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes. This meeting was already becoming pathetic. He glanced around at the other Peak Lords, and noticed Jiu Qingbei, the Peak Lord of Ziu Xian Peak, taking a sip from one of her wine jars. She seemed to sense eyes on her and glanced over at Shen Jiu, before smiling back.

If only I could have a drink right now…

Yue Qingyuan turned to stare at Liu Qingge and slowly shook his head. “I have been discussing with Wei Qingwei and he’s told me his disciples have been searching the halls of Wan Jian Peak. They found a sword with inscriptions meant to bind demons. This is an ancient sword and could have very well been used against heavenly demons.”

“Would one sword be enough?” Qi Qingqi finally spoke up, her voice low. “He is pure blooded, after all.”

“No.” Yue Qingyuan shook his head again. “But we can copy those inscriptions and engrave as many swords as we need.”

Mu Qingfang butted in. “We have many qi-infused plants and tonics on Qian Cao Peak. We can fuel the swords with as much energy as required.”

A few Peak Lords nodded in agreement.

“When is the earliest that we can set the trap?”

“A few days will be enough time.”

Shen Jiu pulled out his fan to cover his mouth as he finally interrupted. “And what about the female cultivator fraternizing with that beast? Won’t she involve herself?”

“The Old Palace Master assures me he will take care of her.” Yue Qingyuan looked up at him, eyes gleaming bright. “She won’t get in the way according to him.”

Shen Jiu would not take the Old Palace Master’s words for truth but he dismissed it for the time being. He instead glanced toward the window to check the time. “Is it settled then?”

“Well, I suppose so–” Yue Qi started but Shen Jiu rose up and turned to leave. “Wait!”

Shen Jiu stopped and turned to glare at him from above his fan. Everyone was looking at them, their eyes greedily taking in the drama they were certain was about to occur. Shen Jiu’s scowl deepened at that thought. “What?”

“Is… Is Shen Yuan going to come along?”

“Of course not, why would you even consider that?” Shen Jiu snapped, immediately on edge. A few heads tilted curiously at that name and now that brute was glaring back at him again. Shen Jiu resisted the urge to shuffle into a more defensive posture, instead keeping himself rigid and straight.

“I was just curious. I know he might be interested in these inscriptions we’re using.”

“No.” Shen Jiu declared, and turned to storm out. He heard Liu Qingge get to his feet and gritted his teeth. He hoped he could avoid him. He rushed out to get on his sword and leave this damn peak. He managed to get one foot on Xiu Ya. But a hand wrapped around his wrist and his body screamed at him to stab the other man for daring to touch him. How dare he touch Shen Jiu? How dare he?! Shen Jiu turned around and hissed. “Fuck off. Do not touch me.”

Liu Qingge stared at the hand that had been shaken off, not even bothered as he glanced back up to glare at Shen Jiu. “When will you let him out?”

“He’s happy and healthy where he is, why are you so insistent that I let him spend time with you?”

Liu Qingge’s face reddened with rage. “I don’t care about that! Why is it even up to you what he does?”

“Because someone has to protect him from brutes like you. People who go touching others without any thought for boundaries.” Shen Jiu snapped his fan shut and jammed it into Liu Qingge’s chest, whose face turned even redder as his brows screwed together tightly. Even his face looked like a weapon. His brows sharp and narrow like swords. His eyes as piercing as knives. Expression as taut as a bow-string.

“You can’t just—”

“But I can, and I am, and I’ll keep doing so.” Shen Jiu spat and jabbed him in the chest one last time before storming out of the peak and heading home.

His wrist burned and he wished he could shed the skin that had been touched. He held it as he flew, his fingers tightening and digging into the flesh until the pain of his own grip overwrote Liu Qingge’s grasp. Filthy. He returned to Qing Jing Peak in a foul mood, which disciples sensed and scuttled out of his way. Shen Jiu held his head high and headed back to the bamboo house, where he knew A-Yuan would still be waiting.

He tried to wipe the anger from his face but A-Yuan saw right through him.

“Jiu-ge, what's wrong? Did the meeting not go well?”

Shen Jiu stared down at him with tense shoulders. It was never ‘well’. There was always something out to get them. Even by his own supposed allies. Shen Jiu sat at the table and shook his head. “Those people are infuriating to deal with. But, at the very least, they have come up with a plan to seal that demon.” He finished and watched for A-Yuan's reaction. As expected, his face paled and he stopped what he was doing, turning to stare back at him.

“The heavenly demon?”

“Yes.”

Shen Yuan turned away, his shoulders raised and his back tight. “Has he… actually hurt anyone yet? Maybe it's a bit too soon to decide to seal him–”

Shen Jiu placed the fan on the table with a firm snap and Shen Yuan flinched at the sudden sound. He stared holes into his back. “He is a demon, A-Yuan. All demons are beasts. That's what us cultivators deal with. Are you against taking preemptive measures against a demon that has the ability to wipe out entire cities of innocent humans?”

“I– of course not! But surely not all demons are bad, right? It's not like all humans are good either…”

Shen Jiu sighed and stood up, walking over to stand beside Shen Yuan. “You are being exceedingly naive. This is a demon, and we are cultivators. You do not even know this beast, why do you care so much for a stranger?” He placed a hand on Shen Yuan's shoulder, which slackened at his touch. The fight seemed to drain out of him.

“I just…I know reputation doesn't mean everything, that’s all.”

“Indeed, but sometimes a reputation is there for a reason. Now, do you want to continue fighting over this?”

“No. I'm sorry.” Shen Yuan slumped and stared at the floor.

“You must be tired, you should go to bed early.”

Shen Yuan retreated to their bed and Shen Jiu stared after him for a long moment. This attitude of his was concerning. He had no idea where this notion of ‘good demons’ came from but it would get A-Yuan killed or worse if he didn't remedy that soon. Maybe he should start buying more history books, a few on past pillages and sieges by demons. The last thing he needed was A-Yuan getting in the way when he was about to kill some dangerous demon, his frustratingly bright and beautiful eyes wide as he says that ‘not all demons are bad’. What nonsense! Not all demons are bad? In that regard they are just like humans. Just as there are no good humans, there are also no good demons. However, he could at least appreciate that demons were upfront about their cruelty and savagery, unlike humans.

He decided to pay Yue Qi a visit. He needed to have a plan in motion.

A-Yuan was now in bed, so he’ll take the time to head over now and return before nightfall.

The spring air was cool on his cheeks, the sun was sinking behind the clouds but warmth still lingered. When he arrived he made a beeline to Yue Qi’s headquarters. He didn’t knock, immediately walking inside with folded arms. Yue Qi looked up at him and his eyes warmed. He looked even more drained in the darkness of this room. A few pieces of furniture decorated the area but the only piece being used was the desk in the middle of the room. Not even the shelves had any books or paper. It was a pathetic and strangely upsetting sight to behold.

He straightened from his position behind the table and stared up with faint surprise. “Xiao Jiu, what’s wrong? It’s not often you come to me.”

Shen Jiu sat across from him and pulled out his fan, “I need to keep A-Yuan distracted until we finish this sealing. He’s… unusually defensive about the situation. He's treating this demon like a misunderstood victim of gossip.”

“A victim?” Yue Qi raised a brow, surprise colouring his voice.

“Indeed, just a byproduct of his naivety– I’ll pay it no mind and you won’t either. On the day we set off, I will arrange a few classes to keep him busy until the evening.”

Yue Qi leaned back, his face pinched in discomfort. “What if he finds out?”

“Like that truly matters, he has no power in this. I am just saving myself the hassle and arguments that will certainly erupt if he knew of this.” Shen Jiu used a finger to trace his fan, right over one of the cranes.

“I apologise, but why are you here? You’re quite capable of dealing with A-Yuan on your own, he listens to you, Xiao Jiu.”

“I need to know how long this sealing will take.”

Yue Qi sighed and leaned forward, resting his elbows against the table. “I wouldn’t know, Xiao Jiu, I’m sorry. Wei Qingwei reckoned that it would take from morning to midnight, but if there are complications it could go beyond that.”

Shen Jiu shook his head with a sharp frown. “Then he’ll certainly notice my absence.”

“I could…”

“Hm?” Shen Jiu’s eyes darted up to glare at him. Yue Qi stood up and walked over to look out the window, his fingers nervously traced the sill and left lines in the dust that had gathered.

“I could always assign him a guard to make sure he doesn’t leave.”

“I wouldn’t trust anyone with that role.” Shen Jiu scoffed.

“Then a talisman? If you have it activated in the evening when he is tired, he wouldn’t be able to break it.”

Shen Jiu stared at the messy table ahead of him, mind deep in thought. That could work. A simple talisman on the door to keep it sealed. A-Yuan wouldn’t be able to recklessly follow him or run off while he was away. And if he noticed it, he still wouldn't be able to do anything. Shen Jiu closed his fan and tapped it against his chin. “He’d still notice my absence, but he’d be unable to intervene. However…” He let out a long, exhausted sigh, resting his chin on his fan. “...I suppose I will have to confront him on this anyway. But that’s okay, I can make him see my point of view. And if he gets upset with me, he’ll ignore me for a few days then get over it.”

“That makes sense, Xiao Jiu.”

“Don’t call me that.”

As always, once he had what he needed, the nickname was torn from Yue Qi’s lips until the next time he wanted to ease the man into his ideas. Shen Jiu stood up sharply and stared at the man who was still facing the window, back taut and coated in shadows. He was probably mentally berating himself, guilt-ridden for going along with this. It'd be best to give him an inch and leave before he could take the mile, keep him trudging along for approval. Shen Jiu opened his fan and blew a small breeze over his own face, turning to walk away. “Thank you, Qi-ge.”

He knew that would soften the guilt in Yue Qi’s heart and fill it with relief instead. Guilt made people do foolish things. And if his lips felt warm uttering that name, only he’d know that. If he felt his heart ache, only he would know that.

Shen Jiu stared at the dark sky and sighed. Had the sun really settled so quickly? He headed home to see that A-Yuan was still awake and reading a book by candlelight. A-Yuan looked up at him as he entered, his soft face illuminated by the warm oranges. He looked domestic and inviting like this, his lithe body wrapped up in blankets dressed in only a nightrobe. His hair was undone and flowing down his back and shoulders. His face flushed from being washed with hot water. Shen Jiu walked over and began to undress his inner robes, undoing his hair slowly as his back faced A-Yuan.

The silence was filled with turning pages, the flickering of a small flame, and the undressing of silk robes. Shen Jiu eventually crawled into bed and finally, Shen Yuan put away the book, turning to stare at him. “Jiu-ge, you look tired.”

Shen Jiu rolled his eyes and an amused scoff left his lips. “How astute of an observation. That’s why I’m in bed.”

Shen Yuan smiled and went to blow out the candle, rolling over to stare at him. The moon was young, barely visible in the room. But Shen Jiu could make the faint outlines of A-Yuan’s face as he stared back. Possessed by his own wretched soul, Shen Jiu reached out and touched A-Yuan’s cheek. He heard a hitch in breath. The warm air hit his hand. Shen Jiu held his own breath, before finally pulling his hand away and rolling onto his back.

“Goodnight, A-Yuan.”

“Night, Jiu-ge.” A tired voice mumbled in response. Shen Yuan rolled over onto his side and Shen Jiu spent a long while feeling the tingling heat on his own palm, wondering how he had managed to fall so deep into his abyss of despair and longing– all for a man who was always just out of reach.

 

---

 

Shen Yuan felt like he was being worked to death. A slow, painful death of endless classrooms and tasks. Since when had Shen Jiu suddenly decided he wanted to be an NPC giving out side-quests?! Since when did Shen Jiu decide he was fit to go deliver letters?! He’s not a mailman! And why is he being tasked with cleaning the guqins in the evening? He didn’t even teach that! Jiu-ge, is this a punishment of some kind? It certainly felt like it. The dust that got stuck between the strings made him want to rip them off. At least tell him what he did wrong!

On the first day, he’d been ecstatic after Shen Jiu spent the whole day out and left most of the work to him. It felt like a big step between them, like Shen Jiu was willing to trust him more. So Shen Yuan hadn’t complained and instead smiled the entire day. He’d felt a flash of joy after seeing Jiu-ge’s retreating form in the sky, knowing that he was being trusted with a huge part of the peak’s work. He’d spent the entire day putting his all into it, collapsing with exhaustion at the end of the day. Looking back, that should’ve been the first sign that something was amiss. Why, after being so clingy and overbearing, was Shen Jiu suddenly leaving him alone for so long? At that moment, though, Shen Yuan had just been happy to be treated like an adult.

The second day, he had twice as many classes as yesterday. Shen Jiu had remained on the peak, but said that there was an illness spreading around the teachers of the older disciples, so he was left in charge of them alongside the junior disciples. He’d been even more exhausted after that, barely able to keep his eyes open to read and giving up after one chapter, instead just going to bed early. (Of course, he still waited until Shen Jiu returned home before going to sleep. He had walked in late at night, exhausted and coated in dust. Whatever he’d been doing, only the System knew!)

Today, he woke up to an empty bed. Shen Jiu had left a note, which Shen Yuan read slowly with dry, tired eyes. The paper was pinched between his fingers as he read the elegant handwriting. Shen Jiu informed him of an important Peak Lord meeting that was scheduled for the entire day, and he was being trusted to carry out his tasks for today. Shen Yuan read all this and a smile enveloped his face. Poor Jiu-ge! He was certainly already suffering in that ‘cramped room’ as he put it. Shen Yuan could practically visualize the frown he must be wearing, arms folded and his eyes narrowed. When he was upset, he was good at showing it.

But, he couldn’t help but wonder what kind of meeting took an entire day. Maybe they were discussing what to do about Tianlang-Jun? He could only hope he managed to make Jiu-ge doubt their choice a bit.

He hoped.

So Shen Yuan got ready by himself that morning. He tied his own hair up, which he found that his clumsy fingers had grown unused to. Shen Jiu always did his hair up with such precision that his own hands could never replicate. He ran his fingers through his hair and winced as they hit a knot. He’d just brushed that part, how the hell was there already a knot in it?! He scolded his hair for being extra obnoxious today and instead of brushing it out again, he decided to just gather it all up into a bun. He didn’t bother with any of the fancy additions to his hairstyle, instead just slotting the hairpin through the frizzy mess that sat upon his head. The hairpin was slightly crooked, the feather at an angle and the end digging into his scalp.

He’d really been spoiled, huh? At least he had Jiu-ge’s present in his hair to make up for his absence.

He adorned slightly thicker underrobes, as the weather had gotten chilly overnight and there was a strong cold gust in the air. 

He stepped out to start the day and shivered as the cold air singed his lungs and throat. He’d forgotten that spring could be just as cold as it was warm and pleasant. He rubbed his hands together and buried them into his sleeves, walking down to start the first class of the day. All the while, the sun sat hidden behind a shroud of clouds, unseen by him.

The disciples were eager to start their first class, rushing inside to escape the cold air. He sat and smiled, the usual beams of sunlight absent from his spot at the back. Shen Yuan beared through the cold and talked with a smile on his face. He walked around the room to keep himself warm as he explained the next component of a talisman.

“Intent. Let’s say, for example, you want to make a talisman that can seal something, the intent behind that is binding, containment and control. One may conjure up the visualisation of a bird without wings, or a fox caught in snare. It doesn’t matter what comes to mind, only that your mind is filled with the intent to control and contain.” He picked up a talisman and frowned at it as they chatted away in the background. He hadn’t a clue why that example came to mind, maybe this whole mess with Tianlang-Jun was getting to him. He spent yesterday scheming and after not being scolded by the System, decided that he was on the right track. He traced the characters on the talisman, the ink dry and smooth under his fingertips.

Even if the System said he couldn’t, surely there was a way around this, right?

[Host–]

Shut up! These are all hypotheticals. I'm not actually trying to intervene! Can't a man imagine hypothetical scenarios to engage his mind?

“Shishu?”

A voice caught his attention, and he turned to stare at a small girl. “Yes?”

“I… um, well… is there a nicer image to think about? I like animals, so…” She mumbled as she shuffled around, eyes glued to the floor and creased with sadness.

Shen Yuan smiled and crouched, placing a hand upon her shoulder. She jolted and looked up at him with surprise colouring her expression. “Of course there is. Instead of a wingless bird, think about a mother bird keeping her babies in the nest for their own safety. Or your own mother scolding you for wandering out too late. Or, even, the way a tight blanket on a bed may make you feel trapped but also warm and safe.”

“Thank you, Shishu!” She blurted out with teary eyes and bowed, rushing off to continue her work.

He smiled, and a few pitter-patters of rain hit the roof above them.

There was a break between the classes, and he sat in the library reading to pass the time. A cool breeze managed to worm its way between the shelves and ticked his face until he was wincing. The book in his hands was like a block of ice, and he found himself almost grateful to put it down when some disciples approached to ask him a question or two. He smiled and answered enthusiastically, making sure to remain as approachable and inviting as possible, despite the way the cold made his body want to shrivel inward and hide itself from the world around him.

When his mind was too active to read, he instead left the library to pace.

Qing Jing Peak was home to some of the most lush foliage and flora on any of the peaks. The plants were cultivated with tender care and caution. Even the grass itself held a youthful appearance.

Grass that was currently being stamped to death by Shen Yuan as he paced restlessly. His feet crushed the poor, damp grass and left them flattened and pitiful to look at. Shen Yuan couldn't stay still, it felt like a fire would ignite under his feet if he remained idle for too long. His finger jammed into his lower lip as his eyes remained glued to the ground. His hair, which he'd let loose after the back of his neck got too cold, was fluttering around him. The wind ran its fingers through to the scalp and pulled his hair in all directions, until his cheeks stung slightly and his eyes were irritated and dry.

He had to at least try to interrupt the sealing, if it did happen then Si Xiyuan would die, Tianlang-Jun gone and Luo Binghe would be orphaned. This one moment robbed Luo Binghe of his family! But how?

His feet ached.

He could always try to reason with Shen Jiu– he let out a laugh at the mere thought. To even consider that was absurd! Jiu-ge was too damn stubborn to listen to Shen Yuan!

Then maybe Yue Qi?

He may have warmed up to you, but he'll always be on his ‘Xiao Jiu's’ side.

Then… maybe he could sabotage the plan? But he couldn't do much from Qing Jing Peak, and he had no one to reach out to.

His finger pushed against his lips until they parted and he subconsciously bit it. The grass was too bullied to bounce back after being stepped on, so he had left a circle in the clearing. Shen Yuan's legs ached, so after all his restless pacing he was forced to sit down. He went back into the library, and tried to read again. His eyes glazed over and the words became unintelligible.

He mumbled to himself and tried but no matter how much brainpower he used, he had no solution for this.

He was fucked.

He spent the rest of the break staring unseeingly at pages. Then the break ended, and he returned to his role.

The next class was the same. With eager disciples and bright eyes.

The next class was also the same. And so was the next.

He was exhausted from all the teaching. His mouth dry and sore from so many words passing through it. He had to rub his arms just to try and stop himself from shivering, and even then, the small tremors still wracked their way through his body like vibrations from an incoming earthquake.

By the end of the day, he was exhausted and the pitter-patter of rain was now a faint mist. The fog and drizzle shrouded the Peak in a cloak of camouflage, until even the bamboo was barely visible.

He walked home after all the classes were done, the door barely visible as he walked up to it. He saw something in the corner of his eye –a piece of fine paper– but brushed it off as a letter and ignored it. The room was stone-cold upon entry. He stopped and a violent tremor shook his body. He had expected Shen Jiu to be home already. Poor Jiu-ge! He must be suffering in that Peak Lord meeting! Shen Yuan walked inside and the door closed behind him. He felt a strange shift in the air but was too focused on warming the place up to pay it any mind. He walked over and activated a few talismans to warm the air inside up, shivering at the sensation of qi leaving his body in small doses. He then made himself a warm pot of tea to enjoy as he read through the rest of the list given to him.

The rain was getting heavier. Wind made the bamboo stalks creak and the leaves rustle anxiously.

All that was on the list was to get an early night, which made him chuckle and shake his head. He’d wait for Jiu-ge like always. He didn’t like falling asleep alone now, even if he used to do that all the time before coming here. No… something about being near Jiu-ge’s warm body soothed him. He didn’t have much from his past life to compare it to, but he once had a family cat that liked to sit on the very edge of his bed. A small, old and cranky cat. It would sometimes creep closer during the night when it thought he was asleep, only to be gone in the morning. Shen Yuan then imagined Shen Jiu as a cat and laughed again.

Shen Jiu would flush and scold him if he saw what Shen Yuan was imagining.

He grabbed a book and nestled into a chair, reading and sipping his tea as he waited. The warm liquid thawed his poor insides and he let out a contented sigh. Surprisingly, this book wasn’t a fiction or romance. It instead was a history recap of a past war between humans and demons. He almost rolled his eyes upon reading the first chapter. Really, Jiu-ge? Did he think Shen Yuan was that oblivious? He obviously gave this to Shen Yuan because of their bickering last time! Still, he read on because it was interesting. The book described the conflict of a western clan of demons, who had the ability to turn plants to stone. What a strange yet valuable skill! He was enamoured as he read on. 

Apparently they had invaded the human realm and were destroying entire farms and cropland, making them as useless as salted soil. There was a huge starvation event, and people were starving to death in the thousands. He shivered and closed his eyes. This truly was a brutal world.

He continued to read, deciding to stop after the book started to vividly detail what the demons would do to the captured farmers of these lands.

The rain was getting heavier. He frowned and stood up to pace a little. Shen Jiu would have to fly home in this weather! Should he try to head over and bring an umbrella? Did he even need one? Of course not, he could just magic away the rain with his cultivation, which was just plain unfair in Shen Yuan’s opinion, as he couldn’t do that himself. No, his poor body was stuck holding up an umbrella like a plebeian. Shen Yuan shook his head, bare feet padding across the wood. Shen Jiu would hate it if he left the peak anyway, and he didn’t want to start an argument over a stupid umbrella. So he instead went to make some tea and let it simmer until Jiu-ge returned. He made sure to pick a calming tea for Jiu-ge, a combination of chamomile, mint and elderflowers.

He sat down and waited, and waited.

Shen Yuan felt cold despite the warm, stifling air choking him. Something didn’t feel right. Shen Jiu should be back by now, surely?! It was pitch black outside! He stood and stormed to the door, hand hovering above the doorknob and hesitating.

He could always ask someone else to go check on Jiu-ge for him. That way he didn’t have to leave and wouldn’t get in trouble.

Emboldened, he grabbed and pulled.

It did not open.

Shen Yuan startled, that pit in his stomach opening like a sinkhole. It slowly ate away at him as he tried again, and again, and again, and again. Each time, the door would get stuck on something and remain jammed. He inhaled sharply and yanked as hard as he could. A pulse of energy shot up his arm and he nearly fell over. His foot hit the door on the way down and his hand wrapped around the doorhandle, keeping him upright. He lingered in that suspended state, before scampering to his feet once more and staring down at his hand, which was still fisted around the handle. The joints were pale, as though the skin had been dissolved and he was staring at pure bone.

That energy, that qi… he’d recognised it.

He gave the handle a small tug, this time, as his body registered the presence of another qi trace, he let his mind identify it. A faint trace that was as familiar to him as his own.

Shen Jiu’s.

How could Shen Yuan not recognise it? He’d spent his entire life growing up around Jiu-ge, helping him whenever he needed to be cleansed. And how could an expert in talismans like himself not recognise what was on the other side of the door, keeping him trapped inside? Trapped. He was being kept here like some kind of pet. But why? Didn’t Jiu-ge trust him? Why would he need to worry about Shen Yuan leaving– oh.

Oh. He thought numbly. Today must be the day they’re sealing him.

He staggered backward, then slumped to his knees and stared.

The wind was howling now, the rain falling in torrents that slammed against the side of the bamboo house and shook it. He felt his cheeks redden with a flurry of emotions. Rage, frustration, humiliation, they all swarmed like a fiery tornado fighting off the cold dread. He doubled over, pressed his head against the door, and just… stared at the ground underneath him. Neat and pristine, the way Shen Jiu preferred his things.

Jiu-ge had sealed him inside their house.

He’d sealed him inside his own home.

Shen Jiu had lied to him.

Shen Yuan squeezed his burning eyes shut and shuddered, fingers digging into the meaty flesh of his arms.

It’s… okay. This is obviously just the plot. That’s right. This is just the plot. The system told me it was inevitable. So Shen Jiu is just… acting out the plot. Was it really his choice to betray me like this? To put a talisman on my own home like a lock? He wouldn’t… he’s just trying to… he didn’t mean…

Shen Yuan’s next breath was shaky and wet.

He didn’t mean to. He didn’t mean to. He didn’t… this is just his way of trying to care for me. Even if it hurts. The plot had to happen. This had to happen. It’s my fault for trying to think otherwise. Of course he was going to do this. I can’t blame him… I shouldn’t blame him… I…

Shen Yuan’s eyelashes felt sticky and warm, clumping together as he shivered through each internal, hysterical word.

He hated not being in control of his own actions.

He hated this.

System… I was wasting my time, wasn’t I?

He didn’t know why he was asking the System-- he just wanted something to talk to to drown out his emotions.

[This System had already stated that the ‘Tianlang-Jun Sealing Plotline’ was essential for the Protagonist's uprising! Though we appreciate the Host’s efforts to fix the Proud Immortal Demon’s Way plotline! (⌒▽⌒)☆]

Translation: yes.

Why had he even tried?

He’d just wanted to stop everything from getting worse… but that stubbornness meant nothing against the fate of this world, the fate of the protagonist.

I'm just a side character. Like I could change anything.

Shen Yuan didn’t know how long he stayed there, sitting on the ground like a pathetic dog waiting for its owner to return. But he eventually got up and carried himself to his bed. He left the dirty teapot and cup on the table, ignoring it in favour of crawling into the blankets like an animal retreating into its burrow. He curled up into a tight ball underneath the blankets and breathed in the air until it became hot and deprived of oxygen. The wetness in his eyes made it humid and he rapidly wiped them before anything could fall involuntarily. 

I refuse to let them fall. Stupid eyes. I don't want to cry. It's just the dust. I forgot to shake the sheets today.

The anger was beginning to dissipate and a hollow, empty dread replaced it. The ashes of a fire he couldn’t keep burning.

Why is it so hard to hate? What bullshit…

He did not fall asleep.

 

---

 

“Xiao Jiu, wait!”

He ignored that shout and grimaced, turning to walk away from the mountain. His arm hung limply at his side, the blood being washed away from the torrents of rain that pummeled his body. He kept his head lowered, only stopping to glare at Yue Qi, who had rushed over to him and placed a hand upon his shoulder. Shen Jiu bared his teeth like an injured, feral animal and spat out his words. “Fuck off, I’m fine.”

“You’re going back already? You should at least visit Cao Qian Peak before–”

“Shen Yuan will be waiting for me.” Shen Jiu turned and hung his head once more. Hair that had fallen loose during the fight shrouded his face like a curtain. He felt the droplets of water and diluted blood run down his face, dripping onto the mud below. “I’m fine, so let go.”

“...Xiao Jiu.”

Shen Jiu’s lip curled into a snarl and he ripped his body away from that scorching hand, turning to shoot him another glare. “I’m fine! Go tend to the others.”

“They’ve all been checked over, only Liu Qingge had some minor injuries, and Wei Qingwei’s qi is depleted. You’re the only one that Mu Qingfang hasn’t checked yet.” Yue Qi explained and Shen Jiu risked a glance backward. He shivered in disgust at those eyes off in the distance, just watching him quietly. They were probably whispering to each other too, but the rain was too heavy and distorted their faces, so he couldn’t see their lips. He stepped back and shook his head.

“I’m fine. Do you think I’m lying? A-Yuan can check on me if you’re that worried, but I can take care of myself just fine, Zhangmen-Shixiong.”

“Then… I’m coming with you.” Yue Qi stood straighter and a rare flash of determination filled his eyes. Shen Jiu hadn’t seen him look like this in so long, yet the effect on him made his shoulders stiffen and his face tighten. Yue Qi was not going to back down like he usually did. He was dead-set on accompanying Shen Jiu back, and was willing to fight him on it. He decided that he was too exhausted and in pain to bother fighting properly. He instead ripped out Xiu Ya and mounted the sword.

“Fine, don’t slow me down.”

Shen Jiu returned home with a sore, aching body. He’d pushed himself to his limit, his already fragile constitution screaming out at him with painful meridians and a numb core. He held his arms and glared at every attempt from Yue Qi to assist him. The other man was flying beside him, and each time he tried to get closer Shen Jiu would glare at him and speed up. Yue Qi usually bent the knee to his every whim, so to have him be so stubborn was frustrating and unexpected. But he was too tired to care at the moment, instead just hissing every time that damned hand reached toward him like he was a wounded animal.

He landed and as soon as his feet touched the ground, he spoke hurriedly. “I’m fine, now go.” He said through gritted teeth as he stood outside the bamboo house. The rain hit his shoulders and drenched his hair. The sky was pitch black and a faint light was coming from inside the house. He refused to turn and look at Yue Qi, who was frowning at him. Yue Qi was too tired to properly hide his own pain, which made his expressions of worry and sorrow all the more pronounced and painful for Shen Jiu to witness. He had spent most of the trip ignoring him, instead trying to help his body regulate after being put under so much strain.

“If you say so… goodnight, Xiao Jiu. If you need anything, I will be here as soon as possible.” Yue Qi offered once more and spared a glance at the house standing before them, as silent and cold as a gravestone. “Do you think he noticed that you lied to him? Or the talisman?”

Shen Jiu scowled, and with a soaking sleeve, wiped a small trail of blood from his temple. “Of course he did.”

He walked inside without another word, and the talisman on the front of the door was torn off by his bloodied hand. He let the lingering form of Yue Qi be shut out. If he wanted to stand in the rain, let him.

The house was warm and silent. Shen Jiu shuddered and took off his outer robe, discarding it to the floor in a sopping heap. Thankfully the rain washed away all the blood. He rubbed his arms, which were littered with scrapes and bruises. He didn’t care about keeping the house clean right now. He instead walked to the door to their bedroom. He noted, idly, that a teapot and cup had been left out on the table. It seemed that Shen Yuan had stormed into the room to sulk. He frowned and sighed sharply, preparing himself for the argument that was sure to arise between them the moment he entered.

The door opened, and Shen Yuan was not reading.

The candle was out, the book untouched on his nightstand. There was a strange lump in the blankets, and Shen Jiu resisted the urge to call out to him. If he wanted to stay there and be silent, then so be it.

He dried his hair as best he could, using a spare cloth to wipe any blood or dirt off his body. There was a tear in his undersleeve, which exposed his elbow. He stripped himself naked and put on a new, clean set of underrobes.

He turned to glance at the bed. Shen Yuan was still under there.

Shen Jiu sighed and walked over to sit on A-Yuan’s side of the bed. The lump twitched slightly and he went to peel it off. “How long are you going to stay under there and sulk?”

He was starting to feel upset. Was he going to get the silent treatment again? That was his least favoured ‘punishment’ from A-Yuan. He’d rather fight and get it over with. Shen Yuan could tell him that he was horrible for going behind his back, then he could let it go the next day.

The blanket peeled off, and Shen Yuan was curled into a tight ball.

“A-Yuan.”

Shen Yuan’s shoulders tensed and he curled deeper into himself.

“Shen Yuan.” Shen Jiu spoke lower, wincing when he put weight on the wrong leg. That seemed to get A-Yuan’s attention, who peeked out though his own frizzy hair to stare up at Shen Jiu. He looked drained of energy and emotion, simply staring back. When he spoke, his voice was hoarse. “Why did you lock me in here?”

“You were going to go after me.”

Shen Yuan’s body strained and he shook his head. When he spoke, his words barely counted as a proper response. “I’m not… useless.”

Shen Jiu hesitantly reached out to touch him. His thumb wove through the damp hair sticking to his cheeks and wiping it back to reveal his red face. Shen Jiu should have expected this. Shen Yuan was always upset when his freedom was imposed on– even if it was for his own good. He might’ve been angry when he first discovered the talisman, but he’d been gone for long enough that A-Yuan’s instinctive reaction had extinguished. Shen Jiu wiped his cheek until it was dry and it settled idly on his cheekbone. “No, you’re not. But you’re no good to me out there, where you could easily get injured or worse.”

His eyes flickered to the bare neck, the scarf absent. The scar looked like a mouth clamped shut.

Shen Yuan stared up at him through clumped eyelashes. “You sealed him, didn’t you?”

He nodded, and winced as pain shot up through his shoulder. That seemed to snap Shen Yuan out of whatever daze he was in. A-Yuan jolted up with wide, wet eyes. “…you’re injured.” He finally had life back in him, possessed by the fear of Shen Jiu being hurt. It was almost funny how easily he shed his own discomfort, but in that moment, all Shen Jiu felt was a shuddering relief that he had emotion back in his eyes. That he wasn’t being shut out of Shen Yuan’s head anymore.

“A minor injury.” He said, almost reflexively. Shen Jiu wasn’t used to being tended to, even by A-Yuan. He was the one who suffered quietly, shouldering blades and arrows alike to keep A-Yuan safe from whatever was out there. But his pain wasn’t appropriately hidden behind his exhausted exterior, and winces sept through like blood in fabric. Shen Yuan studied him for a long moment, his face twisting. He looked torn between being angry and upset, and being worried for Shen Jiu’s wellbeing. In the end, the conflict was won by his concern, and his shoulders slumped in defeat as he discarded his sorrow.

A-Yuan shook his head and scrambled out of the bed. He grabbed Shen Jiu by the wrist and dragged him to the living area. “I’m so fucking tired of you being like this!” He shouted and forced Shen Jiu to sit down, pacing to grab the medical supplies. Shen Jiu watched this all with a calm resignation. He knew this was just Shen Yuan venting out his anger in the only way that felt appropriate in the moment. This argument would probably come back up later when he wasn’t injured. Even though he hated being taken care of with a deep resentment, he’d bear it if A-Yuan was back to normal.

They sat in silence as Shen Yuan gently yet aggressively smeared ointment over his open wounds. He wrapped bandages around his arms and he shivered at being touched by another human. How long had it been since he last allowed himself the privilege to be cared for like this? Not just the simple notion of being given qi, but to have hands guide a roll of fabric around his open wounds? It felt as unnatural as rain during a cloudless day. Shen Jiu could not recall such a frivolous detail. He watched as A-Yuan bit his lower lip as he worked. His brows scrunched up and a wrinkle between them. His eyes were narrowed and hooded, trained to his injuries with uncovered concern and lingering irritation.

Shen Jiu stared at his numb arms afterwards. “Thank you.” He murmured.

A-Yuan stared at the arms bound by white fabric, a hand settling on it. “You… you had to do what you had to…” He whispered, almost to himself. He looked like he was trying to convince his own mind of his words. “...I know you were just trying to protect me.”

Shen Jiu nodded stiffly. The lingering awkwardness of being cared for was still sitting heavily on his shoulders. “What’s done is done. He’s sealed and we are safe.”

“...Safe.” Shen Yuan echoed quietly.

He looked at the man trying to accept his words, and wondered how many times he could do this until he stopped accepting these excuses.

Shen Jiu stood up and another wince broke through his mask. Shen Yuan was already on his feet, helping him stay stable. Shen Jiu shook off his hands and stormed to the bed. It felt like a retreat. His frazzled anxiousness was still sizzling under his skin like embers. The fingers that had touched him with a soft, gentleness felt like acid after the act. Shen Yuan cared for him, he knew that, but he rarely let him express it through actions.

I have to be the strong one. I have to be the protector.

He sat on the edge of the bed. He felt the mattress dip as Shen Yuan sat on the other side.

When they laid down together, their breathing was the only noise between them. Shen Jiu felt A-Yuan’s care wrapped around his flesh in tight bouts of bandages. His limbs pulsed as the blood strained to squeeze through the wrappings and reach his fingers. He adjusted his position and gasped as a jolt of pins and needles coursed up his entire arm. It felt like a knife had been dug into his elbow, between the bones. He curled into himself and cursed. He hated letting his weakness show like this. 

Arms wrapped around him, and a soft current of qi flowed into his body. Shen Jiu tensed, eyes widening. He was taut but he hesitantly, almost timidly, allowed it. If Shen Yuan was going to resume being angry at him tomorrow, then he will selfishly take all the kindness offered to him tonight. He didn’t deserve any of this but he refused to let it go. 

“Let me help you. Please.” A-Yuan mumbled with a wet voice and Shen Jiu stared numbly ahead.

I can’t.

Notes:

Don't worry, the next two chapters will definitely be less heavy. I meant to post this yesterday but editing was so hard to motivate myself to do. Thank you for reading!