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‘Normal’ has never been a word to be associated with the Winchesters. Their whole lives revolved around solving the unknown and ganking the creepy crawlies under the bed. So really, its not everyday that something so jarringly bizarre happens that catches one of the brothers off guard.
But it does happen.
“You’re fucking WHO?!” Sam exclaims.
“Uhh, Castiel? The angel who saved me from hell?” Dean answered, not even looking Sam in the eyes as he says it. He continues tinkering under Baby’s hood, as if they’re only speaking about the weather.
“You… You’re fucking Castiel.” Sam replied, incredulous that his brother would do something so blasphemous.
“Dude, cmon. Don’t tell me you’re a homopho—”
“Shut the fuck up.”
“It’s the 21st century Sammy.”
“I’m aware dipshit. Him being a dude is not the problem.” Sam reasons, hands roving in his face in exasperation. Surely his brother couldn’t be this oblivious?
Dean looks at him with such real confusion it makes Sam want to pull out every hair in his body.
“Is it because he’s old? I can assure you—"
“No Dean.”
“We talked about it beforehand. He’s only a few trillion years old. That’s like, twenty-five in angel years.”
“What the fuck are you talking about?”
“So you know how there’s like dog-years are equivalent to seven human years?”
“I know what dog years are Dean.”
“Yeah well, five hundred million years is like, one year to them. So technically we’re the same age.”
“That… That doesn’t even make sense mathematically. Did you make that up?”
“No? Well yes…”
“Dean—”
“But his vessel is like the same age dude. And he told me Jimmy doesn’t mind so—”
“JIMMY?! THE FUCKING VESSEL?”
“Yeah. Cas told me Jimmy closes his eyes whenever we have s—”
“Stop! No talking about angel-sex!”
“Okay! No talking about angel-sex!” Dean obliges. “I don’t get it… What’s your problem with Cas? He’s a nice guy.”
“He is not a guy Dean. He’s not even human.”
“So?”
“Since when were you so cool about bumping uglies with monsters?” Sam shouts.
“Okay. One? He is not a monster. He’s an angel of the lord sent to get my dumbass back on Earth because I got myself killed. Two? You were fucking Ruby for a full season—”
“Me having sex with Ruby is not the same with you having sex with Castiel Dean!”
“Why not? Is it because she’s a girl and Cas is a—”
“Again, not a homophobe.”
“Then is it an age problem again? Although, Ruby is a lot younger than Ca—”
“Ruby is a demon Dean! Its what demons do! They have sex and they fuck everything that moves!”
“Eurgh. You should get tested.”
“We both did. We were also in birth control for a—Hey! Stop distracting me!”
“I’d argue that fucking an angel is better than fucking a demon.” Dean reasons.
“No, it is not. Angels don’t have sex Dean! They’re holy beings of divine intervention free from worldly wants. They shouldn’t even feel human emotions in the first—”
“I had sex with Anna.”
“Oh fuck me.” Sam groans. “Of course you had sex with Anna.”
“Yeah. I guess it’s kind of our thing now. You fuck demons and I fuck angels? Although sometimes Cas does the fu—”
“Please spare me the details.”
“What are you two yammerin’ about this early?” Bobby shouts. The seasoned hunter enters the garage with a beer in hand, looking positively pissed that he got woken up early by two brothers who can’t keep their mouths shut.
“Dean’s having sex with Castiel.” Sam replies, pointing to Dean akin to a younger brother tattling to his father.
A couple of seconds pass by with no one saying anything. Dean looks to Bobby with a tiny bit of reluctance, something that soothes something in Sam after reaching nowhere with Dean for minutes now. Bobby looks at them both blankly, as if waiting for a continuation.
“And?”
“Bobby!” Sam shouts.
“Don’t be homophobic Sam.” Bobby pointed out.
“That’s what I said!” Dean points out as well.
“Why does everyone assume that? I’m not homophobic! If anything, you’re homophobic for assuming that I’m homophobic!”
“I’m not homophobic Sam, I had a thing with Rufus.” Bobby reasons.
“That’s true. You also kissed Crowley.” Dean adds. “You’re an honorary Winchester now. Saving people, hunting things. Sometimes kissing them as well.”
“Bobby, you cannot possibly allow this.”
Bobby looks just as confused as Dean, and it makes Sam want to break down violently.
“Why not? Cas is a good man.” Bobby asks.
“Again… Not a man.”
“You had that thing with Ruby, did you not?”
“That’s what I said!” Dean supplies happily.
“You’re never gonna let me forget that are you.”
“No.” Bobby and Dean replies.
Sam groans. He takes a breath, composing himself before he launches himself on another tirade of words. The two men waits for him patiently, having all the time in the world.
“Castiel is an angel. An interdimensional wavelength of holy intent. A being capable of miracles and divine intervention.”
“That’s hot.” Dean adds.
“Dean, you have to listen to me. If not for your sake, then for Castiel’s. Are you not worried that you’re possibly defiling him of his sanctity by having sex with him? He’s an angel, they’re not supposed to be having those kinds of thoughts even! What you have cannot possibly be healthy. There’s too big of a power imbalance. He can raze entire nations if he wanted to. Can you guarantee that he won’t act out of anger when you guys fight?”
“Oh. We don’t have to worry about that. He’s domesticated.” Dean reasons.
“It’s true, I am.”
Castiel appears in the middle of the garage, making the younger Winchester shriek in surprise. Bobby’s eyes widen for a moment, but merely gives the angel a small nod in acknowledgement. Dean’s entire posture softens at the sight of his angel, and Sam has to admit, it is a good look on his perpetually haunted brother if it weren’t absolutely mad.
“Uh… Hello.” Castiel says, perplexed with the mixed welcome he’s received.
“Hey sunshine. How’s the seal breaking?”
“We stopped their forces before they can approach the seal. It’s a flawless victory for our side.”
“That’s great. Anymore news Cas?” Bobby asks.
“Dean looks good in overalls. I wish to have coitus with him, if it’s okay with everyone.” Castiel adds, matter of factly.
Sam squeaks.
“Oh my God! Don’t ask us for permission Cas, that’s gross!” Sam protests.
Castiel looks confused for a moment, but doesn’t seem less interested in the slightest.
“Alright. I won’t ask for permission from now on. Dean, take off your clothes. I’ll lavish you right now in front of them.”
Sam runs out of the garage with Bobby, screaming something along the lines of ‘getting his own angel to fuck’ and ‘see how we like it when he does it’. It falls on deaf ears as Castiel goes to work on eating out Dean on Baby’s hood, having him achieve climax several times even before engaging in ‘coitus’.
Bobby and Sam is positively traumatized and doesn’t approach the garage for a whole week. Sam grows to accept Cas as his brother-in-law, as long as they keep their ‘activities’ away from public spaces, especially on Baby.
Everyone lives happily ever after. Except Sam. He never did get that angel ‘booty’.