Chapter Text
When Aniq burst into Xavier’s room, ready to give him a very sternly worded speech about treating others with respect and dignity, he did not expect to find Yasper already there.
He really, really did not expect to see Yasper pressed against Xavier, hip to shoulder, holding Xavier’s ass—squeezing, the word was definitely squeezing—while Xavier tangled his hands in Yasper’s hair, yanking it hard.
He really, really, really didn’t expect to see Yasper and Xavier kissing. And not nice kissing either. Not romantic kissing. They were kissing with all the suavity and grace of two chameleons whose tongues had gotten tangled together.
“Heyyyy,” Aniq said. “Wow, this is private. Maybe the door should have been locked. Just putting that out there.”
Xavier reacted first. His eyes flew open and he shoved Yasper as far from him as he could. “Get the fuck out!” he shouted at Aniq. His face was red. So red. Aniq thought he might have an aneurysm right in front of him.
Aniq couldn’t help glancing over at Yasper. He looked dazed and rumpled. He smiled at Aniq, but it didn’t reach his eyes. He seemed not to know whether he should be smug or concerned, and the blend of the two emotions was uncanny. “I’m going,” Aniq said, holding his hands up and backing out of the room as if the three of them were in a standoff. He left the door open and shuffled down the stairs, still a little stunned by what he’d unwittingly walked into.
And, at the same time, not that stunned. Yasper and Eugene had had a weird relationship in high school. Honestly, if he’d caught them kissing back then, he wouldn’t have been all that surprised. It had been that kind of a friendship: two people alternately obsessed and annoyed with one another. He remembered how Eugene had always laughed the loudest at Yasper’s jokes, had always wanted Yasper’s opinion on everything, and had often changed his tastes to suit Yasper’s. Eugene tried to sit beside Yasper in every class they shared. Eugene gave Yasper expensive presents for his birthday that Yasper always looked vaguely embarrassed by. Yasper and Eugene slept over at each other’s houses almost every weekend.
Well, they were adults now. Presumably any sleepovers would look very, very different. And tonight Yasper had made it no secret how absorbed he was by his need for Xavier’s attention and approval. Aniq had assumed that was just because Yasper was desperate for a taste of Xavier’s fame, but maybe fame wasn’t the only thing he wanted a taste of. Ew.
Chelsea and Zoë looked up at Aniq as he came down the stairs. “Aniq?” Zoë asked. “Is something wrong?”
“I just got a reminder of why you should always knock on the door. Always knock,” he said. Zoë frowned and shook her head, prompting Aniq to elaborate. But before Aniq could come up with some kind of explanation that wouldn’t compromise the privacy of the two men upstairs, there was a loud thud above their heads. Aniq felt the force of whatever had fallen shake the stairs he was standing on. Zoë and Chelsea were wide-eyed now, and other partygoers were starting to drift toward the stairs, curious about what was going on.
He heard raised voices talking over one another—Yasper and Eugene, very distinctive, but their words were an aural blur. It was funny, Aniq noticed, that his mind automatically reverted back to using the name Eugene. He sounded like Eugene again, and not like Xavier. Whiny, petulant, and needy, Aniq thought. Also mad as hell.
The raised voices were getting closer, and they could hear footsteps moving toward the stairs, as if one party was trying to make an exit. Yasper, Aniq guessed. He sounded a little closer. He actually understood some of what Yasper was shouting. “Rich—piece of—my line—fucker—you’re not—fucking coward!” Most of what Yasper said was completely garbled, but he screamed the last two words at such volume that everyone at the party turned to look as their conversations drifted into stunned silence.
There was a sound like wet laundry falling on a tile floor. Then the heavy thud of a footstep, as if someone was trying to catch themselves before they fell. “Should we—?” Zoë began, but then something hit the stairs above them. Everything else happened so fast that later Aniq had trouble putting it all together in his memory.
Yasper came rolling down the stairs. That must have happened, and he must have seen it happen. It’s just that what Aniq really remembered was Yasper hitting the wall with one leg and the sharp crack it made. Yasper didn’t make any sound. He slid down the last few stairs to the landing. His face was bloodless except for a large red mark across one cheek. His leg, though. It didn’t look obviously broken, no bones sticking out of his pant leg or joints twisted the wrong way, but it also looked wrong.
One of the Jennifers screamed, and Aniq thought he saw Yasper wince. He knelt beside Yasper and said his name. Yasper twitched and blinked and tried to focus on Aniq. “Oh, you’re alive,” Aniq said. “Thank God.”
“I’m fine,” Yasper whispered. Then, to Aniq’s horror, he tried to pull himself up.
“What are you doing? No! Stay down, you idiot.”
“Is it bad? Should I call 911?” Ned asked, pulling out his phone.
“I think his leg is broken,” Aniq said.
“Yes,” Zoë said to Ned. “Call. Tell them he fell.”
Xavier came down the stairs. His eyes were huge and stunned. “He lost his balance,” he said, looking at Aniq.
“You were fighting,” Zoë accused him.
“Did you push him?!” Chelsea asked, her voice creeping toward hysteria.
“No!” Xavier said. “I didn’t want him to fall!”
Yasper was trying to roll over. Aniq had to put his hands on Yasper’s shoulders and physically hold him flat on his back. “Would you just stay down?” he said to Yasper.
“Gene,” Yasper said. It was not what Aniq expected him to say at all. He also didn’t expect Xavier to react, coming down the last few stairs and crouching down at Yasper’s side. “Fuckin’ hurts like a bitch,” Yasper said, panting through the sentence.
“Yeah, man. I know. They called an ambulance.” He looked from Aniq to Zoë for confirmation. Zoë pointed at Ned, who was still on the phone with dispatch. “Just hang in there,” Xavier said.
Yasper smiled, but it stretched into a grimace. His teeth were clenched tightly together. Aniq could see sweat coating his face and trickling into his hairline. To his surprise, Xavier put his hand to Yasper’s cheek, like he was trying to be tender. His fingers hovered over the red spot on Yasper’s cheek.
“Did you hit him?” Aniq asked, keeping his voice as low as he could. Xavier’s eyes shifted to the left, but he didn’t say anything. “Fucking Eugene,” Aniq muttered.
“I didn’t—I—I mean, if you hadn’t walked into my bedroom—” Xavier cut himself off. He blinked too fast, the muscles around his eyes twitching like they used to in high school whenever he was embarrassed. “It’s your fault.”
Around them, hushed conversations were beginning to resume. “Hey,” Yasper said, tapping Aniq’s arm. “Can I sit up? I feel kinda sick.”
“Ok,” Aniq put his hand under Yasper’s left shoulder. Then Xavier put his hand under Yasper’s right shoulder, and together they pulled him upright. Xavier’s hand stayed on Yasper’s lower back, supporting him. “Better?” Aniq asked.
Yasper’s breathing was shallow, but he nodded. Zoë crouched down, like she was talking to her daughter. “Are you going to throw up?” she asked, every inch a mom.
Yasper rolled his eyes. He looked exasperated, not so much with Zoë but with himself for having to be in this situation and for having a body that had the potential to do something horrifically embarrassing. “No,” he said, his Adam’s apple bobbing as he swallowed several times. “I don’t think so.” Still, she went over to the bar and found a little waste basket. She stuck it between Yasper’s legs in case he needed to grab for it.
Aniq glanced over at Xavier. He had no desire to look at him ever again, but he didn’t think he’d be able to make that dream a reality just yet. He was surprised to see that Xavier’s hand was still on Yasper’s back, and was now rubbing soothing little circles. Seeing that reminded Aniq that Xavier was still a person—not a great person, not by any stretch of the imagination, but still a person with thoughts and feelings and memories. And Aniq could understand it being kind of a mindfuck to see a person you’d been kissing less than ten minutes ago suffering a sickening amount of pain. Especially when you were the cause—directly or indirectly—of all that pain.
“I think they’re here!” Ned called. He was still on the phone and heading out the door. “I’m gonna go meet them!”
The volume of conversation in the room had risen almost to pre-fall levels. Beside Aniq, Yasper groaned. “Why didn’t you just fucking kill me,” he slurred at Xavier. “Would have been less cruel.”
As Ned walked out the front door, Brett walked in. “What in the hell…?” he said. “Why’s there an ambulance here? I was gone for, like, two seconds.” He ambled over to where Yasper was seated between Aniq and Xavier. “Holy shit, did someone finally try to off you?” he asked. He turned to Xavier. “Did you get sick of him running his mouth?”
“Fuck off, Brett,” Xavier mumbled.
“You can’t fight guys like him. You’ll just break ‘em.” He pointed to Aniq. “See, he can take it. He’d probably bounce right off you. But the skinny ones, they have like… bird bones, I don’t know.”
“Heh.” Yasper laughed and ducked his head against Xavier’s shoulder. “Bird bones. It’s true.”
Two EMTs entered with a stretcher. Aniq could see the red lights of the ambulance flashing through the door and into the foyer. He stood and backed up a few feet as they came closer, allowing them space. Xavier lingered a little longer, but soon had to step back as they brought out a complicated-looking splint with straps that would go all the way up Yasper’s leg. “Where’s it hurt?” one of the men asked Yasper. Aniq noticed he actually had a paramedic’s badge on his uniform shirt.
Yasper pointed along the length of his thigh without touching himself. “Probably a femur break, then,” the paramedic said as he moved the little wastebasket. “Yeah, I bet that hurts like hell.”
“You have no idea,” Yasper said through gritted teeth.
“So what happened?”
“Fell,” Yasper said. “Down the stairs.”
“Uh-huh,” the paramedic took out a penlight and used it to illuminate each of Yasper’s eyes in turn. While he spoke to Yasper, his partner started the process of moving Yasper’s leg into the splint. “You been drinking?”
“Not a lot. I think… a shot a couple of hours ago? I had problems with alcohol in college. I don’t drink that much anymore.”
Aniq was surprised. He hadn’t known that about Yasper.
The paramedic touched the red spot on Yasper’s cheek. It had begun to darken to a bruise. When he pressed it, Yasper tried to pull his head back. “Do you remember hitting your face?” the paramedic asked.
“Umm,” Yasper said. His eyes rolled up as he tried to think of how to answer. “It happened really fast.”
“You probably broke the zygomatic arch on that side,” the paramedic said. He indicated the curve of the eye socket and cheekbone on his own face. “But not that bad, I think.”
“So glad to hear it,” Yasper said. He was still slurring his words and sounded very tired. He sucked air in through his teeth as the other paramedic began tightening the straps around his leg. Aniq saw Xavier look down at the floor and rub the back of his neck. “Fuck, my head hurts,” Yasper whined.
“Yeah, they’re gonna evaluate you for a concussion at the hospital,” the paramedic said.
Once the splint was secure on Yasper’s leg, they lowered the stretcher almost to the floor and helped Yasper onto it while trying to minimize the pain. “Don’t worry,” the man who’d put him into the splint said. “We’ve got cold packs in the ambulance, and when you get to the hospital, they’ll give you the good drugs.”
“Which hospital are you taking him to?” Xavier asked.
“MarinHealth,” the paramedic answered.
“Great,” Yasper said. “I always wanted to declare bankruptcy.”
“I’ll pay your fucking medical bills,” Xavier snapped.
The paramedic stared at Xavier. “You’re that guy.”
“Yeah. I’m ‘that guy.’”
“My kid loves that hippo movie,” the paramedic said. Then the two of them wheeled Yasper out of Xavier’s home and into the waiting ambulance.
Xavier turned and went back upstairs. Aniq, Zoë, Chelsea, and Brett were all left staring at each other.
Chelsea spoke first. “That was definitely his fault. Right? We all agree on that?”
“Maybe it was an accident,” Zoë said, not sounding convinced.
“I don’t believe that,” Chelsea said. “But why were they fighting?”
“I don’t know.” Zoë turned to Aniq. “Did you see something when you went up there?”
Aniq hesitated. He wasn’t sure whether he cared about respecting Xavier’s privacy at this point. But he did care about Yasper’s privacy.
“Hey,” Brett said “were they, you know—?” He made a jerking off motion with one hand.
Chelsea scoffed. “Brett!” Zoë exclaimed, looking embarrassed.
“What?” Brett shrugged. He turned back to Aniq. “You know your little buddy is gay, right?”
“I guess I do now,” Aniq said. “Although I don’t know how you know it.”
“I caught him making out with some band geek at—ah, fuck, I don’t remember whose graduation party it was. Whatever. It wasn’t like I cared,” Brett said, putting on a cool, insouciant air even as he gossiped with the same energy as the Jennifers. “But also you just have to listen to him talk.”
“Stereotype much?” Chelsea said.
“Yes, and in this case it turned out to be true.”
“But Xavier’s not gay.” Zoë’s face flushed. “He’s, um, pretty upfront about being attracted to women.”
“He could be bi,” Chelsea offered.
“Please,” Brett said. “There’s no bisexual men. Just gay guys who don’t know they’re gay yet.”
“Well, that’s definitely some sort of phobia,” Chelsea said. “I’m just not sure which.”
When they heard footsteps on the stairs, the four of them stopped talking and waited as Xavier descended. He had changed out of his suit and was wearing jeans and a t-shirt with a flannel shirt over top. There were car keys in his hand.
“Are you going somewhere?” Aniq asked.
“To the hospital,” Xavier said as he breezed through their little group. The rest of the room was continuing on as usual, although the crowd had thinned considerably. Aniq thought a lot of people had followed the ambulance out, calling it a night after that little flare of excitement.
“But this is your house!” Zoë called after him.
Xavier waved a dismissive hand. “It’ll be fine,” he said.
Aniq followed Xavier to the door. “Hey,” he said when Xavier failed to acknowledge him.
Xavier turned on his heel. “What?” he barked out, defensive as a small dog.
“What do you think? I mean, what is even going on?”
Xavier’s smile was tight and pursed. In jeans and a flannel shirt, without a big, fake smile stretching his face, Xavier no longer looked like the man on the movie posters. “I know Yasper is your little buddy, right? He’s your goofy pal who is just so sweet. Such a nice guy. Yeah? That’s who Yasper is to you?”
“I guess?”
“Well, to me he’s the guy who dumped me at a party and then made out with Ryan Creedy a week later.”
Aniq had no idea who Ryan Creedy was. “I don’t remember him dumping you. He just didn’t want to be in a band with you anymore. I thought he still wanted to be friends, God knows why.” He frowned. “Also, if he dumped you, then why does it matter if he made out with someone else?” Xavier’s shoulders rose and he seemed to shrink into himself. “Wait, were you ever actually dating? I really think I would have known about that if it had happened.”
“Shut up!” Xavier cried. “The point is that I want my friend back. The friend you stole from me!”
“Ok, no, I definitely didn’t do that—”
“And this time I’m going to fuck him.”
Aniq blinked. “Metaphorically or…?”
“No! I’m going to fuck him and make him my little bitch and by the time I’m through he’s going to beg me to do it again.”
“Well, you should do whatever makes you both happy,” Aniq said. “But I think you’re going to have to wait for his leg to heal first.”
Xavier sneered at Aniq and stalked off to his car.
Zoë came up beside Aniq. “What did he say?”
“I’m not sure I should repeat it.”
“Why?” Zoë looked concerned. “Did he threaten you?”
“What? Oh, god no.” Aniq put his hands in his pockets and frowned. “I just feel like I’m intruding on something that’s so personal. And also I don’t understand it at all.”
Zoë put one hand to her mouth and tapped her fingertips on her lower lip as she thought. “When you went up, were they… you know? What Brett said?”
“They were kissing.”
“Aww!” Zoë said. “That’s sort of cute.”
“No. Oh no.” Aniq shook his head. “It was not that kind of kissing.”
“So you’re saying that if you’d gone up just a little bit later you would have caught them—” She made the same jerk off motion with her hand that Brett had, then laughed at how Aniq’s face twisted at the thought. “Sorry, this is like… I don’t think I ever would have guessed, is all.”
“Me neither. But maybe I should have.”
“Why?”
“They had a weird thing together in high school. Beyond their dumb band, I mean. Eugene was pretty obsessed with Yasper.”
Zoë crossed her arms and nodded. She smiled, but there was a sadness to it. “Of course he was. Yasper was confident and people liked him. He did what he wanted to do and didn’t think too much about how other people saw him. They were both dorks, but Yasper was comfortable being a dork. Eugene wasn’t. Was he?”
“I guess not.” Aniq sighed. “So hey, do you want to get out of here? Get a night cap?” When Zoë didn’t say yes immediately, Aniq tried again. “Coffee? No, it’s too late for coffee. Sleepytime tea?”
“We’ll figure it out,” Zoë said. “But there’s two problems. First—” She pointed to Aniq’s face. ”—you have marker all over you.”
“Aw, seriously? This whole time?”
“Yes. And second… did you drive here?”
“No,” Aniq said. “We came with Yasper.”
“And I came in the helicopter,” Zoë said. She blew out a long-suffering breath. “So. Do you think Brett would give us a ride back to the school?”
Brett grudgingly drove them back to their cars once Zoë had finished yelling at him for bringing Maggie along to Xavier’s and leaving her in the backseat. Then she and Aniq found a Denny’s and spent several hours catching up on as much as they could manage before being in their thirties caught up with them.
“I hope Yasper is ok,” Zoë said as they were saying goodbye in the parking lot.
“I’ll try to visit him tomorrow and keep you posted,” Aniq said.
So the next day, after sleeping in until almost noon, Aniq dragged himself out to MarinHealth. The receiving desk gave him directions to Yasper’s room.
Yasper was studying something on his phone when Aniq knocked on the open door. “Hey!” he said when he looked up and saw who it was. He took his AirPods out and set his phone down on the little table that was attached to the hospital bed. “Thanks for coming to see me, buddy.”
“Of course. How’s your leg?”
“Fucked up pretty good. They’re gonna tell me today whether I need surgery. I probably do.” Yasper relaxed against his pillows. He was wearing a hospital gown, and his hair was twisted into greasy waves. Aniq noticed that his leg had been strapped into a different brace, one with a lot more hardware on the outside. “But they gave me serious pain meds.” He held up his hand to show off his IV line. “I’m kind of floating right now.”
“That’s something, I guess.” The bruise on Yasper’s cheek was dark purple, and it extended in a ring around his eye. “Was Xavier here?”
“Oh yeah, all night. I told him to go home, go to sleep. He’s so annoying when he’s stressed.” Yasper laughed. “Like, come on, now you’re stressing me out even worse!”
Aniq laughed along with Yasper. But he stopped laughing before Yasper did. “So he punched you, didn’t he?”
Yasper’s smile faded. His mouth twisted into a funny, sardonic little bow. “Yeah. He did. So what?”
“I don’t know, man. You’re the one who got punched, but I’m doubting it was justified.”
Yasper rubbed the temple opposite of his black eye. “It might have been a little justified. Anyway, I think he needed it.”
“Needed it?”
“You don’t know, ok? I know. I went in that room so fucking mad at him. I was ready to kill him—”
Aniq’s eyes bulged out. “Kill him?”
“I was so pissed. He’d been acting like I was nothing all night. Punishing me, I guess.”
“He wasn’t going to bless your track, huh?”
“No,” Yasper said, shaking his head and staring down at his lap. “And he said some hurtful shit. But it hurt because it was true. So I thought, well, I’ll give him one last chance. Because at least I knew he still thought of me.”
“He did?”
“He called one of his tracks ‘How Great is this Party?’” When Aniq looked skeptical, Yasper said, “It wasn’t just that. Some of the lyrics were—it’s not important. I recognized them. Just trust me.”
“All right.”
“But I go to confront him and it was that thing of like, ‘This guy makes me so mad, I’m either going to push him off the balcony or I’m going to kiss him.’”
“Those were your only two options?” Aniq asked.
“At the time? Yeah.”
“I can’t say that’s something I’ve ever experienced.”
Yasper took a deep breath. “Well, you wouldn’t, would you?” He played with the edge of the bedsheet, flipping it back and forth. “I think kissing was the way to go, actually. I don’t like to think of what would have happened if it had gone the other way.” Yasper was still for a moment, then he looked over at Aniq. “That’s about where you entered.”
“Sorry about that.”
“I know. You didn’t mean it.”
Aniq crossed his legs, trying to get comfortable in the visitor’s chair. “Why’d you call him a coward?”
Yasper winced. “You heard that, huh?”
“Everyone heard it.”
“Ah, shit.” Yasper paused to press a button hooked up to the IV. Some of the tension in his face released as the painkillers entered his veins. “I called him a coward because he was doing the classic Eugene thing of wanting to have it both ways.”
“How so?”
“He was totally into having sex with me—sorry, it’s just the truth—but he didn’t want to fuck up the party boy image he’d worked so hard on.”
Aniq nodded, even though he didn’t think he truly understood. “Yasper, I’m sorry. I really didn’t know you were gay.”
Yasper perked up, but the sudden energy felt false to Aniq. “Hey, it’s cool! What even is there to be sorry for, right?” His voice stayed chipper, but there was a mean glint in his eyes. “If I’d wanted you to know, then you would have.”
“But why didn’t you want me to know?”
At first Aniq didn’t think Yasper was going to answer him. Finally he shrugged and, in a small voice, said, “Same reason Gene freaked out when you saw us together, I guess.”
“Did you think it’d change how I saw you?”
“Listen, I never wanted you to look at me and think, ‘Yasper does what with other dudes? Gross!’”
Aniq’s first impulse was to deny that he would ever think such a thing. But then he thought that Yasper would see right through that. It probably wouldn’t be the first time that someone had told him it didn’t change anything, when of course it did. “I’m not going to pretend that it’s not kind of weird and I don’t need to get used to it, but—” Aniq shrugged. “Could be weirder. And I feel like I get you a little more than I used to.”
“It kinda informs your whole life,” Yasper said. He went to brush some of the crust from the corner of his bruised eye and pulled his hand back when the pain reminded him of his injury. “I think it really shouldn’t, but it does.”
Aniq watched him, not sure what to say to that. He noticed that Yasper’s head was drooping forward on his neck. “Hey, are you tired? Do you need a nap?”
“Probably.” Yasper made a conscious effort to lift his chin. “I keep falling asleep. That’s been my whole day so far. It’s the drugs.”
“All right. Then I’m gonna let you do that and come back tomorrow.” Aniq stood. “Do you want anyone else to visit? I bet Zoë will be interested.”
“Uh, sure. But maybe wait until I have the surgery before she comes.”
“Sounds like a plan. Get some rest,” Aniq said. But Yasper was already lying back on the pillow with his eyes closed.
The next day Aniq returned to MarinHealth in the early afternoon. He went up to Yasper’s room, and this time he heard voices inside. He stopped before he got to the door and listened in.
“Naw, that doesn’t work. It sucks. Don’t use that,” Xavier said.
“What about—?” Yasper said. Then there was silence.
“Better,” Xavier said. “But it’s still missing—”
Aniq knocked on the open door again. Knocking had become very important. “Hey there,” he said. “Just checking in. Like I said I would.”
Yasper’s face brightened, but Xavier glowered at Aniq as he entered. “Aniq! Come in, come in,” Yasper said.
Aniq saw that Yasper had his phone in his hand and he and Xavier were sharing his AirPods. That explained the silence Aniq had heard. Xavier was sitting on the edge of the bed, very close to Yasper, with his arm hovering behind Yasper’s back on the top of the pillow. There was something so teenaged about all of it, Aniq thought.
“What’re you up to?” Aniq asked as he took up his position in the chair next to the bed.
“Just playing around with some music apps,” Yasper said. He took his AirPod out and put it on his table. Xavier reluctantly removed his as well and handed it to Yasper so that it could be reunited with its twin.
“Cool, cool,” Aniq said. He looked over at Xavier and saw Eugene staring back at him, twitchy eyes and all. His pleading eyebrows were saying “Don’t fuck this up for me again.” Which, come on, Aniq was pretty sure he didn’t fuck it up for him the first time. But all right. They were all grown-ups here, technically. “It’s good that you’re coming back and keeping him company,” he said to Xavier.
“I’m not going to have time soon. I’ve got filming coming up, so soon I’ll have to fly to Croatia. I’ll be gone almost a month,” Xavier said, keeping his eyes on his lap the whole time.
“Croatia!” Yasper clapped his hands together. “Isn’t that fun? I want to go to Croatia.”
“I’ll bring something back for you.”
Aniq cleared his throat. “So did you find out about the surgery?”
“Oh yeah,” Yasper said. “It’s tomorrow morning. They’re putting a metal rod on my bone.”
“Sounds pretty horrible.”
“It’s supposed to help it heal.” Yasper’s face sagged briefly. “That leg might end up being shorter than the other, so I’ve got that to look forward to.”
“Sorry to hear it,” Aniq said, and he really was. It seemed like an awful lot of grief to go through for something that could have easily been avoided. “Did they say how long it’ll take until you can walk again?”
“I guess I’ll have to practice pretty soon on the crutches. Physical therapy, you know? But it could take as long as six months before it’s fully healed.”
Aniq whistled. And then he couldn’t help himself. “Six months, huh? I guess that means it’s gonna be a good, long while before you get to make him your little bitch,” he said to Xavier.
Xavier scowled and blushed, but Yasper looked delighted. “Whaaaaaat? Genie, did you really say that?” He pushed Xavier’s shoulder flirtatiously. “Omigod, that’s so cute. Yes, please make me your bitch the moment they take the cast off.”
“It’s not supposed to be cute,” Xavier said, unable to look either of them in the eye. “You’re ruining it.”
“I can’t ruin it because it’s perfect. I’m so happy right now,” Yasper snuggled back into his pillows. “Thanks, Aniq. Hey, I should be on painkillers more often, right? I think I’m entering my opioid addiction phase.”
“No, you’re not. Shut up, that shit is serious,” Xavier said.
“Ah, you’re just mad you missed my alcoholism arc,” Yasper said. “Did you know about that, Aniq? I can’t remember.”
“I heard you say something about it to the paramedic when he asked if you’d been drinking.”
“Did I? That’s so crazy. I don’t remember that at all.” Yasper leaned against Xavier, forcing him to support his weight. “I remember falling, kind of. Maybe just feeling like I was going to fall. And then not much else until I was here.”
“When Brett saw you on the floor, he said you had bird bones,” Aniq volunteered, trying to think of something else that would make Yasper laugh. “You liked that.”
“Bird bones! Yes! That’s funny, actually. Sometimes Brett is funny.” Yasper grinned. “I think I missed all you guys a lot. I know I wouldn’t like everyone so much if I had to see them every day, but it’s good to get a little taste.”
Aniq didn’t feel quite the same, and yet Yasper’s amiability made him feel more kindly toward the world in general, and toward their former classmates in particular. “So what are you going to do when they let you out?”
“You mean, where am I gonna go? I’m… not sure.” Yasper’s tone turned serious. “I don’t think going to my apartment is the best idea. It’s pretty small. Maybe my parents’ house? If they’ll let me. But their place has more stairs than I’m really comfortable with.”
“I already told you that you can stay at my house while I’m gone,” Xavier said. “There’s that whole corner of the first floor with no stairs.” Yasper tipped his head back and forth uncertainly, as if he couldn’t make up his mind. “And it’d be good for me to have someone staying there. Like house-sitting, you know?”
Aniq could see that Xavier was being sincere. He wanted to be helpful. But it was too much help. He was putting Yasper in the same position he’d put him in by giving him expensive gifts in high school.
On the other hand, who cared? If Yasper had asked him, Aniq would have said, “This guy punched you and you fell and broke your leg bad enough that it might never heal right. I don’t care if you two have a crush on each other like you’re thirteen. I don’t care if you love him or if you just want to sleep with him. You should take every single thing he offers you. Because he owes you.”
But it wasn’t the right time for that conversation. Aniq shrugged and said, “Hey, it’s a nice house. I don’t think you can do much better.”
Xavier puffed up, but tried not to look too pleased. “I’m still thinking about it,” Yasper said.
“I’m going down to get a drink,” Xavier said as he stood up from the bed. “Do you want something?” he asked Yasper.
“Nah, I’m good.” Yasper said.
“Are you sure? You always act like you don’t want something and then—”
“No, it’s cool, it’s cool. I’m supposed to stop eating soon anyway, right?”
“You get cut off of food after dinner. Then after midnight you only get water.”
Aniq couldn’t help laughing. “What are you, his nurse?”
Xavier turned to him and tapped one finger against his temple. “I pay attention,” he said, and left the room.
“He’s really organized,” Yasper said once Xavier was out of earshot. “He was that way in high school too. My locker used to drive him nuts.”
“I didn’t know.”
“Yeah. Well, you two were never friends.” Yasper ran his hands back through his hair, which had gotten limper and greasier since the previous day. Normal showering was not going to be a part of Yasper’s life for a while, Aniq surmised. “He’s not stupid,” Yasper said.
Aniq wasn’t sure where that had come from. “I guess he’s not. He got this far.”
“Exactly. You have to have something to get to his level. Even if it’s just business sense or whatever.”
“Sometimes money does the heavy-lifting,” Aniq said. “Why does it matter?”
“I don’t want you to judge me.”
“Oh, I’m judging you. But it has nothing to do with how smart Xavier is or isn’t.” Aniq crossed his arms. “I’m judging you because he punched you.”
Yasper took a deep breath. “This isn’t like a battered wife thing, ok? That is not the situation.”
“Whatever you say.”
Xavier reappeared with a cup from the hospital cafeteria, sipping something through the straw. “What’d you get?” Yasper asked.
“Diet Dr Pepper.”
“Ooh, Dr Pepper.”
“Diet?” Aniq said.
Yasper held out one pleading hand. “Can I just get, like, one sip—”
“Oh my godddddd,” Xavier rolled his eyes up to the ceiling. “I asked you if you wanted anything!” He looked at Aniq for backup. “You heard me ask him!”
“I did. It was five minutes ago.”
“Please?” Yasper smiled up at Xavier. “X, baby? A little sip?”
“Ugh, I’ve worked with kids who were less of a pain in the ass than you!”
“This is really what you want?” Aniq said, pointing to Yasper. “Because you know what else he’ll do? He’ll steal your fries. He’ll say he doesn’t want fries, then he’ll eat them right up off your plate.”
“Aniq!” Yasper cried, scandalized. It only lasted for a second. “But that is true, that is a thing that I do.”
Xavier shook his head, and Aniq thought he saw a kind of pleasure in his face and body language. It was the pleasure of being included, being treated as an equal, and of not being the butt of the joke. He turned and headed back out of the room. “I’m getting you your own,” he said.
“So another, separate issue,” Aniq said after Xavier left for the second time. “Xavier’s dating life.”
Yasper’s mouth closed in on itself like he’d just taken a bite out of a lemon. “Mmhmm?”
“Mostly twenty year old models, from what I remember. Female models.”
“That’s true.”
“So I’m not sure where you fit in?”
Yasper was so quiet that Aniq felt bad for bringing it up. “Did you know that Leonardo DiCaprio and Lukas Haas live together?” he asked after a minute of silence.
“No. But what does that have to do with anything?” Aniq asked. Yasper raised his eyebrows and tipped his chin down suggestively. “Wait, are you saying that Leonardo DiCaprio is gay?”
“Maybe. I’m not sure. Never met him. What I’m saying is that people can make it work. However they have to.”
Aniq was googling. “Who is Lukas Haas? Oh there he is. That guy, huh? Ok.” He typed in something else, then scrolled through the results with a frown of concentration. “I can’t believe I’ve never heard this before,” he said. “It seems like it should be big news for people who care about this sort of thing.”
“Yeah, well, I bet you were also surprised to find out Kevin Spacey likes young guys,” Yasper said. “Some things are open secrets for decades.”
“So what’s your goal?” Aniq asked. “Become Xavier’s kept man while he dates supermodels?”
“No goal. No plan,” Yasper said. “I’ll just enjoy it while it lasts. Whatever it is.”
“Hmm.” But before Aniq could say anything else, Xavier returned with a second cup for Yasper. Soon after, Aniq got up to leave.
“Don’t come tomorrow,” Yasper said. “It’ll just be the surgery and sleeping all day. Come the day after. Bring Zoë if she wants.”
But when they arrived at the agreed upon time, the room was quiet. Yasper was asleep. Aniq was ready to knock on the door before he saw that Yasper wasn’t sitting up. Then he saw Xavier sitting beside the bed, stroking his hand over Yasper’s arm. He was staring out the window and didn’t appear to be aware of what he was doing. “Hey,” Aniq whispered. Xavier turned his head to the door. Aniq pointed to himself and then to Zoë. “We’ll come back tomorrow.”
Xavier nodded, and Aniq and Zoë left. Aniq was getting sick of making the drive to MarinHealth, but of course Yasper was surely far more sick of having to be there. Aniq would have to suck it up.
“I didn’t really expect Xavier to be there,” Zoë said once they were back in the car. “That’s weird, right? That he’s spending so much time there?”
“I don’t know.”
“Do you think he feels guilty?”
Aniq nodded. “I would imagine so. He could have killed him.” He left his opinion that Xavier should feel guilty unspoken.