The night we met (what love feels like)

by Kryptos_cipher969

Summary:

a chance meeting between rachel and lydia 2 years before the whisperers war

Notes:

Rachel reflects on the last four years.

she talks with cyndie after a mission when wrong.

while visiting her brother's grave rachel encounters a girl two years younger than her

Chapter 1: Encounter

rachel was standing barefoot on the beach she sighed when she felt the water wash over her feet, rachel smiled to herself as she looked toward the rising sun casting a beautiful glow across the horizon, she didn't smile in front of anyone except for cyndie her big sister who she loved with all her heart.

 

as rachel stared out at the sea she thought about the last four years, after the war with the saviors ended all of the communities hilltop, alexandria, the Kingdom and her own home of oceanside had all come together including former saviors something she hated at the time because they killed her brother, and she hated that negan was spared and although the savior who killed her brother was dead it didn't mean she wanted to live alongside them and after maggie executed hilltops traitorous former leader it inspired her people to star executing the saviors that took part in the massacre of her people, and when maggie finally went back to alexandria to kill negan rachel gladly helped in her own way by not relaying ricks message and letting maggie get her revenge... she should've done what rick said... but would it have made a difference?.

 

she didn't realize just how important rick was to everyone until after he died, because after he died everything fell apart the communities drifted apart until now four years later the only community that Oceanside stayed in regular contact with was Hilltop and occasionally The Kingdom, Alexandria had completely cut itself off from the others and you can't even get in anymore it reminded rachel of what Oceanside used to be before she first met Tara... Tara who was a cool person even though they flipped each other off she secretly thought that tara was cool but she'll never tell tara that she couldn't inflate the older woman's ego that would be a nightmare

 

the sound of footsteps caused rachel to look behind her and she readied her knife but when she saw it was just cyndie her hooked her blade back in its holder, cyndie came to a stop standing right beside her but rachel couldn't look at her because she was just reminded of yesterdays failure... her failure. " rachel, what happened wasn't your fault" cyndie said gently knowing that despite whtat people think of her younger sister rachel had a big heart and she cared deeply for the people of oceanside.

 

rachel scoffed and looked into cyndie's eyes - "how is it not my fault, mary and jamie died because of me, how did I not see the trap i thought that people needed help and i was wrong" - rachel stopped herself because the last thing she wanted to do was to lose control of her emotions in front of cyndie and anyone who may be watching she had to be strong and she couldn't show weakness

 

cyndie pulled the girl she had raised since she was nine years old into a hug, rachel tried to pull away "not here"- rachel protested weakly but cyndie wasn't having it
"there's no one here but us"- she whispered into rachel's ear and it was probably true before pulling away looking the young teen in the eyes and telling her that once again it wasn't her fault what happened "i know that you don't like it when i get sappy but you have a good heart rachel"- rachel looked away like she was embarrassed but on the inside she felt warm- " and the current you is a real improvement over past you"- cyndie said with a teasing smirk which caused rachel's cheeks to flush she knew that she wasn't the best kid back then and she desperately wished that cyndie and tara would stop reminding her of how murder happy she had been but she smiled at cyndie who smiled a genuine smile back

 

"thank you"- she said to her big sister who just smiled and gave her a bear hug that rachel tried to free herself from but to no avail and eventually surrenders much to cyndie's delight

 

"i'm going to go out today to clear my head"- cyndie looked worried and rachel was quick to reassure her-"i'll be okay i'm not a kid i can handle myself" cyndie looked at her then told her to be safe rachel promised that she would.

 

-------------------

 

it had been five hours since rachel went on her walk and right now she was at the location of where her people's first home had been it was now a grave site a memorial to the people who were slaughtered for no reason she walked over to one grave mark

 

'Ryan Ward, age 11'

 

Rachel felt tears beginning to form in her eyes and begin to blur her vision but she wiped her eyes and she laid the flowers she had picked and laid them down on the grave she knelt and let a few tears fall down her cheeks before wiping them away she stayed like that for an undetermined amount of time before she stood up grabbed her backpack and prepared to leave and go and find a store so she can find supplies when she she sees three walkers pass by - 'maybe they won't notice me' she thought jokingly but the two lead walkers look in her direction and begin shambling towards her, Rachel sighs and pulls out her knife and dispatched the two walkers the bodies fell to the ground, she then turned to the last walker who hadn't moved something that Rachel found strange but it didn't matter so she prepared to finish it off when the "walker" suddenly ripped it's face off and Rachel could only stare with something akin to shock as the "walker revealed itself to be a girl younger than her

 

"wait!! wait!! don't hurt me!!" the girl shouted in a loud voice, "shhhhh!!" Rachel shushed the girl causing her to flinch violently and drop herself to the ground curling up 'don't hurt me' she whimpered, the sight caused something in Rachel's heart to break she had to make a decision she decided to show mercy she put away her knife and cautiously approached the crying girl

 

"hey, hey"- she said trying to sound comforting she's never been good at comforting people "i'm not going to hurt you" she said softly as she knelt down beside the girl the girl didn't look up so rachel carefully set her backpack down "are you hungry?"- she asked, this time the girl looked up and rachel reached into her bag and pulled out a wrapped fish sandwich and handed it it to the girl, the girl looked hesitant but then hung hunger won out as her stomach growled and she looked embarassed and causing rachel to let out a chuckle the girl took the sandwich, unwrapped it and devoured it eagerly

 

"you must have really been hungry" - Rachel commented causing the other girl to blush in what Rachel thinks is embarrassment, Rachel took a look at the girls features she had long unkempt black hair, big brown eyes and a scar above her right eye, "is it okay if i sit in front of you?"- Rachel asked the girl hesitated looking at her for a few seconds before nodding slowly and with permission she sat in front with her legs crossed the other girl did the same

 

"what's your name?"- she asked when the other girl didn't answer so Rachel introduced herself "i'm Rachel" she said extending her hand and the girl just stared at her and Rachel began to worry that maybe this girl couldn't speak when the girl brought her hand up and tentatively took hers, "i, i'm Lydia"- Lydia said in a small voice
"it's nice to meet you"- Rachel said "why are you all by yourself, were you with a group?"- she asked and immediately the other girl became uncomfortable and Rachel was about to speak when Lydia spoke -"i-i'm not with them, i-i ran away"

 

"why did you run away"- Rachel asked in concern

 

Lydia was silent for a few minutes before she spoke again "i'm scared" she said her voice and body trembling Rachel reached out slowly putting her hand on Lydia's shoulder causing the girl to tense and worryingly flinch, Rachel slowly retracted her hand while apologizing to the girl Lydia reached out and grabbed Rachel's hand in a firm grip
"don't leave please" those three words did something to Rachel it broke her heart so in an uncharacteristic move she gripped lydia's hand back and told her that she wasn't going anywhere after saying that she reached into her backpack and gave lydia a bottle of water which the other girl gratefully accepted and rachel had to stop lydia from draining the whole bottle telling her to save it make it last and lydia nodded.

 

they both sat across from each other staring at each other and Rachel was debating in her head whether or not she should bring lydia to Oceanside or not the part of her that ached for the poor girl said yes but the cautious part of her told her that if she brought lydia with her she could bring her people to oceanside and if these people were bad she didn't want them anywhere near oceanside, rachel sighed she opened her mouth to speak when a new voice cut the silence

 

"lydia dear"- rachel watched Lydia's eyes go wide in terror and rachel felt the hairs on her body stand up and she gripped her gun and stood up aiming the gun at the direction of the voice and she saw what looked to be a woman wearing the same skin of the dead mask that repulsed her, lydia slowly stood up and hid behind rachel as the woman continued approaching slowly and came to a stop 6 feet away and she spoke again this time to rachel

 

"thank you for finding my daughter, young woman, we got seperated, i'm glad to see that she's safe"- something about this woman and her voice sent a freezing chill down rachels entire body and she gripped the gun till her knuckles turned white- "who are you?!" rachel asked in a tense voice trying not to let her fear show

 

"i'm Lydia's mother, and I've come to take my cub home"

 

Rachel was immediately even more disgusted with this woman she raised the gun at the woman "don't come any closer!"- rachel said sternly

 

the woman didn't move "i won't move i just want my daughter" she then turned to Lydia "lydia dear you know that i love you with all my heart right?"- this began a three minute one-sided conversation that bordered on manipulation which ended with lydia going back to her mother who in rachel's opinion was very emotionally abusive, lydia cast a sad longing expression at rachel before she disappeared into the trees with her mother leaving rachel standing where she was wondering what had happened

 

and rachel couldn't help but feel like she had just made the worst mistake of her life one thing she knew for sure she couldn't stay here so she gathered her backpack and the mask lydia wore, stuffed it in her bag and made her way back to oceanside all the while making sure she wasn't being followed.

 

when she got back to her cabin she laid down on her bed and held the mask up and looked at it vowing to herself that she would find lydia.

Chapter 2: Meet Up

Summary:

Aaron tries to get michonne to reestablish contact with hilltop (unsuccessfully),

 

Paul Rovia AKA "jesus" talks to maggie about reestablishing contact with Alexandria (unsucceessfully)

 

Aaron & Jesus meet up in secret

Notes:

Takes place 1 year and 2 months before the Whisperers show up

 

and i want to declare that Jesus won't die in this story but he will be injured but that won't come for another few chapters

the first few chapters probably 5 to 6 chapters will be about different characters before i get to the whisperers

i'm going to try to keep them short since they all will take place before the war

*Location Alexandria*

 

Aaron sighed as he stood across from michonne as he once again brought up the topic of reestablishing contact with the other communities Hilltop, The Kingdom and Oceanside to michonne and the council who all looked at him as if to say 'not this again' and michonne.. she glared at him but that's all she did nowadays, every chance she got shut down any attempt or suggestion at contacting the other communities and her response was always "alexandria looks out for alexandria", he didn't blame her for being opposed to letting in strangers, the jocelyn incident hurt her to her core and he understood he still blamed himself for the Wolves finding alexandria, but what he didn't understand was why she shut out the other communities they weren't strangers they were friends he respected michonne she's done for the community but he didn't agree with her on this.

 

michonne fixed him with a stare- "we talked about this"- she said in a cold voice, they didn't really talk about it, it was always one-sided she always shut it down, cutting themselves off from the others was not what was best for alexandria he knew that and he knew that michonne must know that as well at least that was what he thought, he knew that he had to be careful the others couldn't know that he secretly met with jesus every month he liked jesus. Aaron was about to continue but michonne cut him off reaffirming what she already said before

 

"no Aaron we already talked and voted on this years ago we made our decision"- she said

 

"you mean when you decided for the rest of the council?"- Aaron politely but sternly shot back causing michonne to really glare at him- "as the chief of security"- she punctuated that word- " i decide what's best for alexandria, and what's best for alexandria is to keep to ourselves and look out for ourselves"- sidiqq spoke up agreeing with Aaron but michonne shut him down and before an argument could break out Gabriel spoke up suggesting they move on to another topic Aaron looked over at everyone sidiqq agreed with him, gabriel was in between and laura agreed with michonne so Aaron reluctantly agreed to move on.

 

after the meeting Aaron went to the school to check on Gracie the child he adopted after the war with the saviors and he smiled when he saw gracie playing with judith, when she saw him her eyes lit up and she ran excitedly towards him and hugged him and began telling him about her day and he smiled and he greeted judith as she came up to her and hugged gracie goodbye, and when Aaron got home he read gracie a story and she fell asleep. tomorrow Aaron would leave Alexandria to meet in secret with Jesus.

 

----------------------

 

Jesus left maggie's office he tried to talk maggie into opening communications with Alexandria again but to no avail she said that she wanted to respect alexandria's decision but jesus knew the real reason, it was because negan was there and maggie didn't want to be anywhere near him and jesus couldn't blame her for that and he was there to witness the fallout between maggie and michonne and it was ugly it happened right after rick died michonne blamed maggie for his death and jesus couldn't fault her and sometime after that alexandria completely cut contact.

 

he was out one day when he encountered Aaron they talked and they agreed that once a month they would meet up in secret to hopefully be able to establish contact with alexandria again, speaking of which he needed to leave if he wanted to be at the meet up location but first he needed to speak to tara about something important, she wanted to visit oceanside and she had asked him if he could convince maggie if she could go and while he didn't succeed in convincing her about Alexandria he did succeed in convincing maggie to let tara go to oceanside on the condition that she go there under guard and that was fair and he agreed.

 

he found Tara lounging on a couch and she opened her eyes when he approached she sat up and looked at him in a way that made him smile

 

"so ?"- she asked

 

"maggie's agreed to let you go to oceanside"- Tara's eyes light up- "under the condition that you're not alone"- Tara's face did a dramatic fall and she rolled her eyes- 'i can handle myself she knows that"

 

"i know that but she wouldn't budge on it, and don't worry i'll go with you"- he said, they had walked outside at this point, tara stopped in front of him and leaned closer and whispered conspiratorially - "and how did the other thing go?" she asked and jesus knew what she was asking about answered with a sigh

 

"it went about as well as you'd expect, Tara"- Tara leaned back and looked disappointed - "what did she say this time?"- jesus gave her an exasperated look "the same thing as last time". Tara sighed and looked down then whispered again "if she knew what you were really doing she would skin you alive"- jesus laughed at that then added jokingly
"she'll put my head on a pike outside the gate " - Tara punched his shoulder "you shouldn't joke about something like" she said trying to be serious but he saw a smirk on her face jesus pretended to be hurt and Tara played along before he changed to subject

 

"so what will you do once we get to oceanside?"

 

Tara looked away before answering "well i'm going to catch up with cyndie, go fishing and enjoy a peaceful time at the beach" - jesus smiled before telling tara that he was going out scouting which tara understood was code for 'go meet Aaron' and told her that she should get ready for her vacation.

 

Aaron was waiting at the meeting spot when jesus arrived and they embraced when they saw each other they embraced then pulled away and they began talking like they always did

 

"did you have any luck?"- jesus asked although he already knew the answer from Aarons face - "no luck she didn't even give me a chance, what about you?"
jesus expected this and responded- "no luck either although maggie's letting tara visit oceanside so that's a win"- that caused Aaron to smile slightly before he sighed and looked away

 

"what is it?"- jesus asked concerned, Aaron sighed before answering "it's michonne she's not getting any better she's gotten worse"- Aaron sighed "if she found out i was breaking protocol like this she'll have my head"

 

jesus chuckled - "yeah maggie will put my head on a pike if she found out what my scavenging trips are for"- jesus suddenly up grabbing his staff and stood a distance from Aaron "have you been keeping up with your training?" he asked causing Aaron to smile and stand up in position as well-"i've kept up as much as i can"

 

jesus dropped his staff and motioned to Aaron

 

"show me"

Notes:

the next chapter will be about Tara visiting Oceanside

Chapter 3: Reflection

Summary:

Tara reflects before she and Jesus set out for Oceanside

Tara awoke with an energy she hasn't felt in years, she was excited not just because she was going beyond hilltop but she was going to Oceanside she liked that place a ton now that they stopped trying to kill her years ago, she had hoped to go alone but she was glad that it was Jesus going with her and not Maggie ... she didn't want to talk to maggie right now or ever she's not sure anymore she liked Maggie ... well she used to like Maggie but over the years Maggie had just.. Tara didn't know how to describe it but she didn't recognize her anymore she was a different person and Tara didn't like the new Maggie.

 

Tara and Maggie used to be close but after the war Maggie had changed she was angry all the time and at first Tara understood she wasn't happy about Rick sparing Negan either she reluctantly but usually trusted Rick's judgement but Maggie didn't, in the years that past after the war Tara had been taking care of hershal jr since maggie wasn't around most of the time maggie had cut off contact with Alexandria after Alexandria cut contact with everyone else after ricks death tara wasn't there to witness the fallout between Maggie and Michonne but she heard about it from Jesus and it wasn't pretty and Tara had found out that Maggie had conspired behind Rick's back along with Daryl and Jesus and the only reason she found out was because she had overheard them and she confronted Jesus about it.

 

*Flashback to the night before Rick died*

 

Tara knocked gently on the Door to Jesus's room and the door opened a few seconds later. Jesus must have seen the look on Tara's face because he asked her what was wrong, she stepped into the room and jesus closed the door behind 'he is so polite' tara thought as she sat down on his bed stared at him before telling him that she heard him, maggie
& Daryl and asked him to explain himself. jesus looked ashamed but explained that maggie and daryl didn't agree with rick's decision and that she wanted to take out negan, Tara asked him to explain what their plan was, jesus was silent for a few moments before telling her that they didn't really have a plan but that when maggie was ready to make her move he and Daryl would distract rick while maggie took out negan, tara asked him with anger in her voice how they would distract rick, jesus was silent and Tara asked if they would kill rick and jesus protested that he wouldn't kill rick, Tara accepted that but then asked if maggie would kill rick just to kill negan and this time jesus didn't have an answer he looked down then spoke asking tara if she thought negan deserved to live after everything he did while all the people who's lives were lost didn't.

 

Tara could see the grief in her friend's eyes she knew that he liked to where a poker face but this time she was seeing through him and seeing that this war did affect him, she stood up and walked over to and brought him into a hug which he returned they stood like that for several minutes before pulling away and Tara spoke saying that she understood where maggie was coming from, she hesitated but was encouraged by jesus who put a hand on her shoulder and explained that after she found out about the death of her girlfriend all she saw was red how she wanted to kill the savior who did it not because it was for the good of everybody but in reality it was for herself, she didn't succeed but explained how that if she had killed the savior she wouldn't be alive today, she continued on telling him that rosita had almost gone down that path but realized her mistake after sasha died, she expressed sincerly that they couldn't let maggie go down that path that He couldn't let maggie go down that path again because it would mean that all the people that died would've died for nothing, jesus asked her to explain what she meant by that, tara took a deep breath how they didn't fight back against the saviors just because they were enemies but they were fighting against their ideology and that if they let themselves become bloodthirsty and vengeful if they start executing people like maggie did with gregory then they'll become no different than them and that everyone who died in the war would've died for nothing and that they couldn't let that happen Tara then ended her speech by saying that they didn't have to forgive them after all she never forgave Dwight but that mercy should prevail over wrath.

 

after she had given her speech tara asked more like told him to either tell rick what maggie had planned or that she would tell rick before leaving his room,she found out the day after that he did tell rick but that he was too late but tara forgave him and told him that he did the right thing, a few days later when she went to confront mand talk to maggie she found her in her office drunk, when she told maggie she knew about her plan she asked how she knew to which Tara answered that jesus told her maggie muttered out loud calling him a traitor shocking tara who defended jesus by saying that he did the right thing, she then asked maggie if she went through with it to which she replied that she didn't because michonne got in her way, Tara tensed when she heard that but relaxed after maggie said that she didn't kill her then maggie started ranting and was starting to scare tara and when maggie brought up trying again Tara shut her down telling her that if she did that she would be no diffrent than him... that's when maggie hit her..hard, maggie tried to apologize but trough the pysical pain of getting hit in the face to the emotional pain of her friend hitting her she stormed out of the office knowing that her relationship with maggie would never be the same.

 

Tara's friendship with maggie disappeared shortly after that

 

* end of flashback*

 

Tara got out of bed, showered, dressed and packed at least 3 days worth of clothes into a bag before walking out of her home and looked for Jesus spotting him standing next to their horse drawn cart that would take them to oceanside, she threw her bag into the cart before giving jesus a fistbump, he asked her how she slept, tara smiled and said that she was dreaming of the ocean putting a smile on jesus's face, they both got in the cart and tara took the reigns

 

"how are you feeling?"- jesus asked her

 

"i'm just really excited, i get to see the ocean again"- that and she couldn't wait to see cyndie again and she was looking forward to annoying rachel and seeing how she was doing because cyndie had told her one time they were talking over radio that rachel had changed for the better and she couldn't wait to see if it was true.

 

'my sister and niece would've liked her' tara thought

 

"i have a very good feeling about this"- jesus said causing tara to smile at him he was a really good man...

 

the gate opened and she and jesus began their journey and tara smiled she believed jesus because she had a good feeling about this too.

Notes:

next chapter Tara goes to Oceanside

Chapter 4: The Beach

Summary:

Tara and Jesus arrive at Oceanside and tara and cyndie catch up

the next morning Tara follows rachel after noticing her sneaking out and they end up at the sight of the memorial where tara opens up about her family and they both comfort each other

Notes:

this chapter features Tara and Rachel bonding fluff

as the gate to Oceanside came into view Tara thought about when she had first washed ashore there where she first met Cyndie and Rachel, cyndie had wanted to help her while rachel being twelve years old tried to kill her twice the first time on the beach cyndie had told her and the second time when she held a gun to her face and both times cyndie had saved her, then cyndie saved her again after her grandmother tried to have her killed and then helped her get across the bridge after making her promise not to tell anyone about them and although tara had to break her promise Cyndie didn't hold it against her and they became friends ever since.

 

the gate opened and the first person tara saw was cyndie she smiled she hadn't seen cyndie in 4 years but she looked good, healthy, and in good spirits as she smiled and waved at her tara waved back and hopped out of the wagon and hugged her it felt really good to see her friend again cyndie smiled and the two caught up as they walked to Cyndie's home with jesus behind them who watched the interaction with a smile on his face he was glad that tara was happy.

 

Cyndie was excited when Tara radioed yesterday that she was coming by 'finally' was the first thing she thought she was excited to show Tara how much her home had improved and how far they had come since she had first washed ashore the first time they met, they talked through the radio over the last four years sometimes Rachel would join her and while rachel acted like she didn't like Tara, cyndie knew that she secretly looked up to her on more than one occasion caught her comparing herself to the woman trying to be like her but rachel wouldn't admit that and when she told the teenager that tara was coming to visit she shrugged said okay but she could tell the the girl was nervous and when she woke up this morning she couldn't find rachel anywhere and was told by beatrice that rachel had left again on a long walk.this was something that rachel had started doing eight months ago usually twice a week and sometimes she wouldn't be back until it was dark but she would always come back with supplies like food, weapons, clothes, some books but what surprised cyndie most was that sometimes she would comeback bringing other people with her which lead to her asking rachel one day before she could leave if she was out there recruiting people and she said that she was, cyndie was proud because she saw how much rachel had grown, she can't wait to see tara's face when she sees rachel and she can't wait to spend the next three days with her.

 

Tara walked side by side with Cyndie taking in the sight around her oceanside was a beautiful place and honestly tara wanted to stay here she could wake up and go to the beach every morning and she could relax without having to worry about having a fight with maggie something that she told cyndie when she asked a worried look crossed her face as she described how maggie hadn't got better.

 

"i'm surprised she let you come here"- cyndie said - "not that i'm not happy that you're here i'm really happy that you're here" she added quickly as they reached the beach and tara looked around and smiled at the sight of some children playing making sand castles and playing in the water and tara was happy to finally see men and boys here it broke her heart when she learned what happened- "it was mostly jesus that did the talking... i don't really talk to maggie anymore" -tara shook her head erasing the negative thoughts she wanted to focus on positive thoughts only, Cyndie put a comforting hand on her shoulder causing a small smile to form on her face and she thanked cyndie and looked around before turning to cyndie and asking "where is Rachel?"- cyndie let out a laugh before answering -"she not here she's out on a walk"

 

tara nodded her head what did she expect Rachel didn't like her any way it still hurt because rachel reminded her of her niece in a way- "when will she be back?" - she asked trying not to sound impatient or eager or worried but Cyndie just smiled - "she'll be okay she capable of taking care of herself she's most likely either gathering supplies or looking for people and bringing them here" - Tara must've had a look that spelled her disbelief on her face because she couldn't imagine trigger-happy ,brooding, kill every stranger Rachel willingly bringing strangers to her home

 

"she's really changed over the years sometimes i don't recognize her, one thing for sure is that she's not the same girl who tried to kill you twice"-

 

"that'll be really nice" - tara commented and cyndie laughed - "why don't we wait for her at my cabin" - she offered and tara said okay

 

Tara was eating a salad with cyndie and finding it really delicious, jesus was staying in the cabin next door because while there were three beds in Cyndie's cabin two of them were for cyndie and Rachel because they lived there and the third belonged to her late grandmother and she was surprised that cyndie was letting her used it but was grateful, the two of them sat in silence as the sun had almost set - "does she always stay out this long?"- tara asked, cyndie sighed - "she's usually back before dark, but i think that this time she's staying out longer on purpose"- Tara asked why and cyndie answered that it was because rachel was nervous about seeing tara, tara was surprised because that didn't sound like rachel so she asked why, cyndie didn't answer for a few moments before revealing that rachel looked up to her she explained how sometimes she would ask about her and other times during training she would compare herself to her and one time in a rare moment when she would open up asked her if tara hated her because she tried to kill her and cyndie had to reassure her that she didn't

 

Tara was shocked to say the least and cyndie continued saying that rachel didn't open up much and that she rarely did and this caused tara to remember her teenage years she had a ' have to be strong attitude' and she wasn't very open with anyone one day she nearly fell apart but her sister was there for her and helped her out of her dark place... she missed her sister and a part of her wanted to be a shoulder that rachel could lean on and she told cyndie this and she smiled in response and said that she could tell her that when rachel gets back.

 

it was past sundown and cyndie and tara were sitting on the couch when the door opened and rachel stood in the doorway, tara was taken aback she almost didn't recognize her she had really grown and was currently staring at her with her mouth open and her expression reminded tara of the surprised pikachu face she smiled and greeted the girl who looked up to her

 

"hi rachel"

 

she would never admit this to her face but rachel was dreading seeing tara again so she left before tara arrived and to be honest with herself she was in a down mood today she went out further than she usually did but once again in the eight months since she encountered her she hadn't found a trace of Lydia realistically she should've given up but she couldn't do that she couldn't bring herself to, she couldn't live with herself so every chance she could she would leave at the beginning of everyday and look for as long as she could and she would also bring back any supplies that she could carry with her back to oceanside and she would stay out as long as she could before it got dark. and now after not succeeding in finding lydia the last thing Rachel wanted to do was see tara right now not when she was in a bad mood so when tara said hi rachel just waved and went to her room ignoring both tara and cyndie.. her big sister, she hadn't told her the real reason she had been going out when went into her room shut and locked the door behind her
she changed into her pajamas and sat on her bed and pulled the mask that Lydia left behind Rachel had kept it because it reminded her and she couldn't afford to forget, she put the mask back in her bag and decided that next time she'll used the mask as she had a feeling that it would help her in her search she vowed to herself that she would not give up on her search

 

'lydia i'll find you' she thought as she fell asleep

 

Tara watched rachel basically ignore her and go to her room and turned to cyndie with a 'what the hell?' look, cyndie's expression dropped she looked towards rachel's bedroom door then looked back at tara and told her that rachel still thinks that she hates her, then cyndie began explaining how in the last few months rachel hadn't been talking to her and she tells tara that she thinks rachel is doing something other than just scavenging for supplies and looking for people to bring into the community but rachel won't tell her and she doesn't know what to do, tara hugged her as she watched cyndie breakdown she looked cyndie in the eyes and told her that she would talk to rachel tomorrow.

 

Tara woke up early the next morning and after changing into clean clothes she knocked on rachel's bedroom door and didn't get a response - "rachel you can't ignore me forever"- she announced teasingly she tried the doorknob and found that it was unlocked she waited a few moments before opening the door, rachel wasn't there but to her surprise her room was tidy and her bed was made up she didn't expect this from her but she could ask rachel later right now she had to find her so she left cyndie's cabin and went straight to the gate to see if rachel had left and went to ask the person in charge someone who happened to be Beatrice and she told her that she had just missed rachel, Tara thanked her and told her that she was going after her and walked out of the gate.

 

Tara kept at a distance and followed silently behind rachel she managed to catch up to her but she didn't want to spook her plus she was pretty good and following people and not getting caught she watched as rachel stepped out of the forest and stop and grab her bow and turn around raising her weapon with a fierce expression on her face - "i know you're following me come out!" - tara decided to reveal herself and rachel's expression changed to surprise and recognition and she lowered her bow - "i figured it was you" she said as her stance became less tense but not relaxed at the same time, tara walked up to rachel and she held her arms out offering a hug but rachel gave her a deadpan look and tara backed off clearly getting the message so she stood next to rachel as she stared at what looked like a mall and tara got a feeling that it wasn't an ordinary location so she turned to rachel and asked her what this place was

 

Rachel looked uncomfortable before speaking - "how have you been?" she asked clearly changing the subject and tara was fine with that and she got to talk to rachel and get to know her and see the person that she has become so she answered - "i've been okay it feels nice to be able to get away from hilltop and nothing has really happened so that's good i guess, what about you how have you been?"- a small smile had appeared on her face then vanished and replaced with a stern one and she didn't say much other than she was doing okay but didn't elaborate instead she walked toward the abandoned mall so tara followed her through the door and tara looked around as rachel spoke

 

"this is where we used to live before the saviors came"- she spoke blunt and emotionless, tara's heart sank as she looked closer at her surroundings and realized that it was a memorial site there were grave markers everywhere, Tara remembered beatrice telling her what the saviors had done ( 'they executed every man and boy over ten') the words and beatrice's face flashed in her mind, rachel set down her bag and bow, she opened her bag and pulled out three flowers, tara called rachel's name but the girl ignored her and walked over to a section near the middle so tara followed and came up beside the young teen as she knelt and placed the flowers on the ground, tara looked at the grave and saw the name ' ryan ward, age 11'.

 

"he was my brother"- rachel spoke her voice barely concealing the emotions that tara knew she was trying to keep down, she knew that rachel was trying to pretend that her grief didn't exist and it reminded Tara of what she did after her family died it wasn't until a year ago she opened up to jesus and they convinced maggie to let them go back to the prison in order to bury what was left if there was anything left, maggie came with them it was the only time maggie ever left Hilltop they were able find the prison and both tara and maggie buried what was left of their relatives and made peace well she's not sure that maggie made her peace, tara looked at the teenage girl who she saw was trying not to cry cyndie's words about rachel looking up to her played in her head and tara realized that rachel was most likely trying to stay strong in front of her and tara had to be there for her so she wrapped her arms around rachel who tired to pull away but tara help her close and firm and she felt Rachel's resistance give way and soon she felt the teenager's body shake against her and tara knew that she was crying and tara began rubbing comforting circles on rachel's back and whispered in her ear that everything was okay then pulled away and told rachel that she lost her family too and knew how she felt, she saw the unasked question that began to form in Rachel's eyes so tara took a deep breath and began to speak.

 

"my dad was a war veteran he was the one who encouraged me to become a police officer, after everything fell apart we, me my sister, my niece and my dad we stayed in our apartment by ourselves he was a really good man he looked out and cared for us.. but he didn't make it * tara held back tears*, we didn't know that you turned no matter how you died and he almost got me because of that" * tara paused wiping a tear that slid down her cheek* "my sister her name was lily she was a nurse she was there for me and helped me out of a dark place she was also one of those people who had to micromanage you so imagine if you met her" * she looked at rachel with a smirk as she saw an uneasy expression cross her face, tara continued*, " and my niece... oh- oh god * tara's voice shook and she couldn't stop the tears from spilling out* her name was meghan and she was so sweet i think you would've liked her she liked to draw and play games-, tara had to stop talking as she sunk to her knees and cried and when rachel hugged her asking if she was okay Tara was quick to reassure to girl that she was as she wiped the tears off of her face, rachel didn't look convinced but nodded her head and looked at her with a softness that Tara didn't think was possible and asked "what happened" in the softed voice she had ever heard come from the girl

 

"one day a man showed up at our apartment he said his name was brian, he helped us taught me how to kill the walkers he saved me from my dad when he turned, my sister fell in love with him and my niece really liked him, we spent months on the road until we ran into someone from brian's own group and that was when everything fell apart"
*rachel looked at her and waited for her to continue* " he wasn't the man i thought he was, he was a psychopath i didn't realize that until he ordered us to attack a community a prison it was rick's group he had captured two of them michonne and an older man maggie's father his name was Hershel he said that we were going to take the prison peacefully... he lied and he killed maggie's dad chopped his head off with a sword and told us to kill everyone, i didn't kill anyone but that same day i lost my niece and my sister because of him he dead if you're wondering and thank god for that"

 

rachel was looking at her like she had never seen her before then muttered something under her breath so Tara nudged her shoulder, the last thing Tara expected was for Rachel to apologize she apologized for trying to kill her twice and apologized for being rude to and she apologized for insulting her with tears in her eyes only proving what cyndie had said about rachel looking up to her even more - "i understand if you hate me"- rachel said to which tara immediately told her with a sternness in her voice that made rachel jump slightly that tara never and will never hate her and told rachel that she could come to her and talk to her if she wanted to, rachel's expression was that of someone who wanted to be open but felt like she couldn't and Tara realized that she was going to have to tell her about Cyndie

 

"cyndie broke down last night"

 

Those words cut through Rachel this day was not going as she expected, she didn't expect Tara to follow her but it made sense to her who else would follow her besides cyndie and hearing Tara's story about her family broke her heart and it made her glad that cyndie stopped her from killing her on the beach, she hadn't told cyndie about Lydia because she felt that lydia was her responsibility and she didn't want to stress cyndie even more but hearing what Tara said made her feel worse than she had ever felt in her life

 

"what happened?"- she asked Tara who looked down and seemed to be debating with herself before looking at her -"Cyndie's worried about you you go out and don't come back until dark, you don't talk to her, she really cares about you Rachel but she thinks that she's done something to upset you and she's lost and doesn't know what to do"
RAchels heart broke and she cried she never meant to harm cyndie, Rachel stood up sharply and moved to walk away leave the mall and go right to Cyndie and tell her that it's not her fault and that it was rachel's fault for not trusting her but she was stopped by Tara pulling her into a hug and this time Rachel didn't try to get away she accepted Tara's embrace as she sobbed apologizing for hurting her big sister.

 

Tara held the crying teen in her arms while telling her that it wasn't her fault but Rachel probably wasn't listening she didn't anticipate Rachel breaking down like this and she felt horrible with herself. after half an hour rachel stopped crying and currently looked at tara sheepishly embarrassment clearly written on her face which Tara chuckled at and she reminded the teen the having emotions were normal and that she didn't have to be embarrassed to which rachel just gave her the middle finger

 

"how mature Rachel" tara commented sarcastically to which Rachel told Tara to shove it and Tara pretended to be offended and they both shared a laugh which was something they both desperately needed right now

 

"i'll talk to Cyndie i promise" Rachel declared and Tara knew that she meant it and she smiled and held her fist in front of her "fist bump" - rachel smiled and pressed her fist against hers ... a bit too hard

 

"do you want to just hang out around here?"- rachel asked and Tara smiled and said "sure"

Notes:

next chapter will feature Rachel looking for Lydia

Notes:

i plan on there to be a few chapters on character interactions before we get to the main plot so be prepared to wait
i don't have a schedule for updates

 

the next chapter will mainly be about Aaron & Jesus

 

leave a comment and tell me what you think