Demonic

by Freshly_baked_cinnamon_rollz

Summary:

Uzi summons a demon to help her kill a monster. What could go wrong?

Chapter 1: "Pilot"

The early morning light filtered through the dense canopy, casting long, dappled shadows on the forest floor. The air was cool and crisp, tinged with the scent of pine and damp earth. Lavey County, usually so peaceful at this hour, felt different today—charged with an undercurrent of something dark, something dangerous.

 

Uzi Doorman wasn’t supposed to be here. Then again, when did she ever do what she was supposed to?

 

She darted between the trees, her breath coming in sharp, ragged gasps. Her legs burned with the effort, but she didn’t dare slow down. The forest, which had always been a place of quiet refuge, now seemed alive with menace, every rustling leaf and snapping twig sending spikes of fear through her chest.

 

Don’t look back. Just keep running.

 

But Uzi couldn’t resist. She risked a glance over her shoulder, and her blood ran cold.

 

It was still there. The bear—huge, hulking, and utterly horrifying—was gaining on her. It moved with a terrifying grace, its massive form weaving between the trees as though they were nothing more than tall blades of grass. In the dim light, all Uzi could see were flashes of its mottled skin, fur glistening with morning dew, and the gleam of teeth—so many teeth.

 

"Shit, shit, shit," she hissed, forcing her legs to pump faster, though she knew it was futile. The animal was faster, stronger, and far more at home in these woods than she ever could be.

 

The ground beneath her feet was uneven, littered with roots and fallen branches, and Uzi cursed herself for not being more careful. She was so focused on the predator that she didn’t see the thick tree root jutting up from the path ahead.

 

Her foot caught, and she was airborne. The world spun, a chaotic blur of green and brown, before she slammed into the ground, the impact knocking the air from her lungs. Pain shot through her as she tumbled down a small incline, her backpack spilling open, contents scattering.

 

Uzi lay there for a moment, dazed, blinking up at the canopy above. The bear’s roar, a deep, guttural sound that rattled the very trees, snapped her back to reality. She scrambled to her feet, every muscle screaming in protest, and looked up.

 

The beast loomed above her, its grotesque form blocking out the weak morning light. It stood on its hind legs, easily ten feet tall, and let out another bone-shaking roar, its jaws opening wide enough to swallow her whole.

 

This is it, she thought, heart hammering in her chest. This is how I die.

 

But then, from the corner of her eye, Uzi saw something move. A blur of dark red shot out from the trees, colliding with the animal. The impact was so forceful that the beast staggered back, crashing into the underbrush with a thunderous roar of surprise.

 

For a split second, Uzi just stared, stunned, before her survival instincts kicked back in. She fumbled for her phone, fingers trembling as she pulled up the camera app. She raised it, trying to get a shot of whatever the hell had just saved her, but her hands were shaking too much.

 

Dammit, Uzi. Focus.

 

She steadied herself, but just as she pressed the button, the creature let out a low, threatening growl. Uzi’s heart skipped a beat. She looked at her screen and cursed under her breath.

 

The camera was flipped. All she’d managed to capture was a blurry selfie, her own panicked expression staring back at her.

 

“Oh, goddammit!” she spat, stuffing the phone back into her pocket. She glanced up just in time to see the bear being dragged, thrashing and howling, back into the forest by its attacker. Whatever it was, it was fast, strong, and... not natural.

 

No time to figure that out now.

 

Uzi turned on her heel and bolted, her heart pounding in her ears, drowning out the sounds of the fight behind her. The forest seemed to close in around her, branches clawing at her clothes, but she pushed on, running until her lungs burned and her legs threatened to give out.

 

She didn’t stop until she broke through the treeline, emerging onto the dirt path where the morning light was just beginning to warm the earth. Only then did she dare to slow down, collapsing onto her knees, gasping for breath.

 

Her mind raced, replaying the last few minutes over and over. The monster, the blur of red, the roar that had made the trees shake.

 

What the hell was that?

 

She reached for her phone again, praying that maybe, just maybe, the camera had captured something useful. But all she saw was her own terrified face, the photo mocking her.

 

“Damn it,” she muttered, shoving the phone back into her pocket. She’d have to go back and figure out what had happened, but not now. Not yet. She needed time to regroup, to plan.

 

Whatever had saved her, she had a feeling this wasn’t the last she’d see of it.

 

And whatever that thing in the woods was... Uzi wasn’t going to let it keep terrorizing her home. Not if she had anything to say about it.

 

With one last glance at the shadowed treeline, Uzi stood up, brushed the dirt from her clothes, and started walking, a determined glint in her eye.

 

She had work to do.

 

---

 

By the time Uzi trudged up the steps to her house, the sun was high in the sky, casting harsh shadows across the yard. The adrenaline that had fueled her mad dash through the woods was long gone, leaving behind a bone-deep exhaustion. Her legs felt like jelly, and her heart was still pounding in her chest, though now more from lingering panic than exertion.

 

The Doorman household was a modest, slightly run-down affair, with peeling paint and a sagging porch that looked like it might give out any day now. Uzi knew the place like the back of her hand, but today it felt oddly foreign, as if the horrors she’d just witnessed had no place in its worn but familiar walls.

 

She pushed open the front door, the creak of the hinges somehow louder in the quiet of the mid-morning. The house was dim, the only light coming from the slivers of sun peeking through the gaps in the curtains. Uzi stepped inside, letting the door swing shut behind her with a dull thud.

 

The smell of stale beer hit her before she even made it to the kitchen. She sighed, rolling her eyes. Of course.

 

“Hey, Dad!” she called out, walking through the small living room that connected to the kitchen. Her boots clunked heavily against the worn wooden floor. “You here?”

 

She didn’t really need to ask. Khan Doorman, her father and current guardian, was a man of simple habits—most of which revolved around avoiding anything remotely resembling responsibility. He was exactly where she expected him to be: slouched at the kitchen table, a half-empty bottle of beer in one hand and a newspaper in the other.

 

Khan was a man who had clearly seen better days. His hair, once a rich brown, was now a mottled mix of gray and white, and his unshaven face bore the weariness of someone who had long since given up on trying too hard. He glanced up from the paper as Uzi entered, raising an eyebrow in a silent greeting.

 

Uzi dropped her backpack on the floor and collapsed into the chair opposite him, letting out a tired groan. “Hey, Dad? Can you drive me down to the library?”

 

Khan didn’t even look up from his paper. “Why do I have to take you?”

 

“Because I don’t have a license,” Uzi shot back, a bit more sharply than she’d intended. She was still on edge from the morning’s events, and the last thing she needed was to be stonewalled by Khan’s typical indifference. “Can’t you teach me how to drive?”

 

“Sorry, I’m drinking a beer,” Khan replied, still not bothering to meet her eyes. “It ain’t too safe for me to be in a car right now.”

 

Uzi stared at him, incredulous. “But you won’t even be the one behind the wheel, I will!”

 

Khan paused for a moment, as if considering this, then shrugged. “Oh. Hey, kiddo, want to try a beer?”

 

Uzi closed her eyes and counted to three, trying to keep her temper in check. This was typical Khan—completely oblivious, or perhaps just apathetic, to anything outside his immediate comfort zone. “Whatever,” she muttered, pushing herself up from the table. “I’ll just get an Uber or something.”

 

Khan finally looked up, curiosity piqued. “Wait a minute. Why are you even going to the library anyway?”

 

Uzi froze, her back to him, as she quickly scrambled for an excuse. She could hardly tell him the truth—that she was planning to research ways to summon a demon, or at least something strong enough to take down the monster in the woods. “Oh, I’m going to study,” she said, turning to face him with a tight, forced smile. “For a math test. With some friends. Yeah.”

 

Khan gave her a skeptical look, his eyes narrowing. “You really expect me to believe that you have friends?”

 

Uzi felt a flush of irritation rise to her cheeks. It wasn’t that Khan was wrong—most of her “friends” were more like reluctant allies, brought together by the mutual misfortune of being stuck in this backwater town. But he didn’t need to say it like that. “Y’know what? Fuck it, I’m just gonna leave.”

 

Without waiting for a response, she grabbed her backpack off the floor and stormed out of the kitchen, leaving Khan to his beer and newspaper. She didn’t even bother slamming the door behind her—it wouldn’t make her feel any better, and she was too tired for the dramatics.

 

As she stepped back outside, the sunlight was almost blinding after the dimness of the house. Uzi squinted up at the sky, shielding her eyes with one hand. The day was just beginning, and she already felt like she’d been through a war.

 

But there was no time to rest. She had work to do, and she wasn’t about to let a grumpy old man or a rampaging forest monster get in her way.

 

Not today.

 

---

 

Lavey County Public Library loomed ahead, a squat, gray building that looked as worn and tired as the rest of the town. Uzi stood on the sidewalk for a moment, just staring at it. The place had always seemed unremarkable—just another crumbling structure in a town that felt perpetually stuck in time. But today, it felt different. Today, it might hold the key to everything.

 

The doors slid open with a hiss as Uzi walked in, the cool air inside a sharp contrast to the heat outside. The smell of old books and dust filled her nostrils, a scent she usually found comforting. Today, it only heightened her anxiety.

 

The library was nearly empty, as it usually was on a weekday afternoon. Most people in Lavey County had long since abandoned the habit of reading for entertainment. Uzi made her way to the checkout counter, where Doll stood, her back to Uzi, arguing with a girl who looked about ready to commit murder over a library book.

 

Doll’s indigo hair hung in a neat downward style just past her shoulders, and she wore her usual expression of bored disdain, which somehow managed to be intimidating and dismissive at the same time. Uzi had no idea why Doll worked at the library—maybe it was just a convenient way to pass the time in a town that offered little else.

 

“For the last time, Emily,” Doll was saying, her voice dripping with annoyance, “you can’t check out a book about how to hang yourself.”

 

The girl, Emily, crossed her arms and scowled. “Why the hell not?”

 

Doll shot her a withering look. “Because you’re not gonna return it.”

 

Emily huffed in frustration, snatching the book from the counter. With one last glare, she stormed off to return it to the shelves, muttering under her breath. Doll rolled her eyes, turning back to her computer, completely unfazed by the encounter.

 

Thad appeared from the back room just then, his blonde hair tousled like he’d just woken up from a nap—which, knowing Thad, was entirely possible. He strolled over to the counter with the casual air of someone who had absolutely no worries in the world, a stark contrast to Doll’s perpetual irritation.

 

“Hey, Doll,” Thad said, leaning against the counter. “Hey, I was thinking…”

 

“Hey, yeah, don’t do that,” Doll interrupted, not even looking up from her screen.

 

Thad blinked, unfazed. “Well, anyway, I was thinking—do you think I could beat a bear in a fight?”

 

Doll finally tore her eyes away from the computer, giving him a look that could melt steel. “What the hell kind of question is that? There’s no way you can beat a bear. D’you think you can beat a horse?”

 

Thad tilted his head, considering. “Um, do I get prep time?”

 

“Yes, but so does the horse,” Doll replied, her tone flat.

 

“Oh,” Thad said, his expression turning serious as if this was the most important question he’d ever faced. “Prolly not then.”

 

Uzi couldn’t help but smirk as she approached the counter. As much as she pretended to be annoyed by her so-called friends, their antics were sometimes the only things that kept her sane in this town.

 

Thad noticed her first, his face lighting up in that easygoing grin he always wore. “Oh hey, Uzi, you here for that demon book you wanted?”

 

Uzi nodded, her heart rate picking up slightly. “Yeah, you got it?”

 

Thad reached under the counter and pulled out a thick, ancient-looking tome. The cover was brown and cracked with age, and a large, blood-red pentagram was emblazoned in the center. Under the symbol, in faded gold lettering, was the title: How to Summon Demons 101. Thad handed it over to Uzi, who took it with a mixture of excitement and dread.

 

“Y’know,” Thad said, leaning casually against the counter, “I don’t know how you can believe in that stuff.”

 

Uzi shot him a glare, her grip tightening on the book. “Dude, seriously? You still believe in Santa Claus, and you’re, like, what, eighteen?”

 

“Wait, you still believe in Santa?” Doll asked, raising an eyebrow at Thad, her expression a mixture of disbelief and disgust.

 

Thad shrugged. “The box says ‘from Santa’. What, do you see all the presents and just think, ‘Oh, must’ve been the fuckin’ wind’?”

 

Doll shook her head, turning back to Uzi as if to say, Can you believe this guy? Then she noticed the book in Uzi’s hands, and her expression shifted to one of mild concern. “What are you even gonna use that thing for, Uzi?”

 

Uzi hesitated for a moment, glancing between her friends. Thad might be clueless, but Doll wasn’t stupid. She’d see right through any excuse Uzi tried to make. Finally, Uzi sighed and decided to tell them the truth, or at least part of it.

 

“Since no one believes me about the monster in the woods,” Uzi said, her voice low and serious, “I’m gonna summon a demon to help me kill it.”

 

Thad’s face scrunched up in confusion, like he was trying to work through a particularly difficult math problem. “I know I’m usually the dumbass here, but that is the stupidest idea I’ve ever heard. How do you know that a demon’s gonna help you?”

 

“You know, you can make deals with some of these things,” Uzi replied, holding the book up like it was the answer to all her problems. “Trust me, I know what I’m doing.”

 

Doll leaned back in her chair, crossing her arms over her chest. “That sentence has never led to anything going right for the person saying it. Ever.”

 

Uzi couldn’t argue with that. But she didn’t have time for their skepticism. The creature in the woods was real, and it was dangerous. If summoning a demon was what it took to prove that, then so be it.

 

“Thanks for the vote of confidence,” Uzi said dryly, turning on her heel. “I’ll let you know how it goes.”

 

She headed for the door, the weight of the book heavy in her hands, and her heart even heavier with the knowledge of what she was about to do.

 

---

 

Uzi’s room was a cluttered mess, filled with the usual signs of teenage rebellion—band posters plastered on the walls, clothes strewn across the floor, and a desk overflowing with half-finished projects. But tonight, all of that was pushed aside to make space for something far more dangerous.

 

In the center of the room, a large, intricate symbol had been painstakingly drawn on the wooden floor with white chalk—a circled pentagram, its lines precise and deliberate. Surrounding it was a ring of unlit candles, each placed with the same careful attention. A large, blue bag of salt sat nearby, nearly empty after Uzi had used it to encircle the pentagram with a thick, protective line.

 

She stood at the edge of the circle, the ancient tome open in her hands, the pages yellowed and brittle with age. Her heart pounded in her chest, but she forced herself to focus, to ignore the gnawing doubt that threatened to paralyze her. She’d come this far—there was no turning back now.

 

“Alright, let’s see here,” Uzi muttered to herself, flipping through the pages. “Wrath demons… no. Gluttony demons… definitely not. Lust demons... I'll keep that one in mind,” She continued flipping until she found the page she was looking for. “Bargaining demons. These are the guys that do stuff I want.”

 

She traced a finger down the page, her eyes narrowing as she read the instructions. The sketch on the page depicted a demon unlike anything she’d ever imagined—tall, with sleek, angular features, and unsettlingly sharp teeth. Its skin was a blinding white, and its eyes, slitted and predatory, gleamed a sickly yellow. It wore a dark vest, its form somehow elegant despite the clear danger it represented. Beneath the sketch was a description of the demon species, followed by the summoning instructions.

 

Uzi took a deep breath and began to read aloud. “‘Step one: draw the symbol on the floor with white chalk.’” She glanced at the pentagram she’d already drawn. “Done.”

 

She continued reading. “‘Step two: surround it with unlit candles.’” She glanced at the candles, perfectly placed around the symbol. “Check.”

 

“‘Step three: along the outer line of the symbol, cover the top with a layer of salt.’” Uzi looked at the white line of salt encircling the pentagram. “Done and done.”

 

She paused, swallowing hard as she read the final step. “‘Final step: the summoner must rub some of their own fresh blood onto the middle of the symbol.’” Uzi shut the book, setting it down on the floor. Her hands were shaking slightly as she reached for the pocket knife on her desk, its blade dull from years of disuse.

 

“Kinda worried about what I gotta rub on there for the lust demons,” she muttered, trying to distract herself from the nervous knot forming in her stomach.

 

Taking a deep breath, Uzi pressed the blade against her palm, wincing as it cut into her skin. A bead of crimson welled up, and she quickly held her hand over the center of the symbol, letting the blood drip onto the chalk. The blood seemed to seep into the floor, darkening the white chalk to a deep, ominous red.

 

She backed away, her breath coming faster now, and watched as the transformation began.

 

The candles around the circle suddenly ignited, each flame bursting to life with a sharp hiss, as if an invisible hand had lit them all at once. The flames grew higher, twisting and swirling together into a vortex of light and heat. The air in the room grew thick and oppressive, as though the very atmosphere was holding its breath, waiting.

 

Then, just as suddenly as it had started, the fire died down, the flames shrinking back to the size of mere candlelight. In the center of the pentagram, where there had been nothing but chalk and blood moments before, now knelt a figure—a demon, just as the book had described.

 

The demon was tall and lean, his skin an unnaturally pale white that seemed to almost glow in the dim light. His eyes, the same sickly yellow as in the illustration, gleamed with a predatory intensity, slitted like a cat’s. His hair was silver, yet still a stark contrast to his ghostly skin, and he wore a black vest over a sleek, dark outfit that looked both ancient and unsettlingly modern. From his head sprouted two small, sharp horns, as dark as the night itself.

 

For a moment, the demon said nothing, simply staring at Uzi with those unsettling eyes. When he finally spoke, his voice was low and resonant, carrying an undercurrent of power that sent shivers down Uzi’s spine.

 

“Tell me, mortal,” he said, his tone dark and commanding, “are you scared?”

 

Uzi blinked, taken aback by the question, but before she could stop herself, she answered. “A little bit.” She made the hand signal with her pointer and thumb that meant little.

 

The demon’s eyes softened, the glow of his pupils dimming slightly. His tone shifted to something almost conversational. “Oh, sorry. Please don’t be. I’m N, by the way. Um, I like your room.”

 

For a second, Uzi just stared at him, completely thrown off by the demon’s sudden change in demeanor. This was not what she had expected. “My name’s Uzi… and thanks, I guess.”

 

N looked around the room, his gaze landing on the posters plastered on the walls—band posters, mostly, with a few old horror movie prints thrown in. He pointed at one in particular, his expression curious. “Wow, haven’t seen Alice Cooper in a while. Hey, I played poker with John Lennon a few nights ago. Don't bring up Julian, he still doesn't know who that is.”

 

Uzi blinked again, trying to process what he’d just said. “Right, so I wasn’t expecting this to work. Like, at all. But, I can make a deal with you, right?”

 

N’s expression turned serious again, though the friendly undertone remained. “That’s how it works, yeah. Just tell me what you need me to do, and I’ll come up with the terms of our deal.”

 

“Alright,” Uzi said, feeling a surge of determination. “There’s this creature in the woods. Three people have already gone missing because of it, but no one believes me about it. So, I need you to help me prove it’s real. And also… kill it.”

 

N tilted his head, as if considering her request. “You want me to kill a monster? That’s it?”

 

“Yeah, that’s all,” Uzi replied, her voice steady.

 

N seemed to mull this over for a moment before nodding. “Okay, well, what do I get for this?”

 

Uzi hesitated, suddenly unsure. “Um, I don’t know. What do you want?”

 

The demon’s yellow eyes met hers, and for the first time, Uzi saw a flicker of something vulnerable behind that predatory gaze. “To be free,” N said quietly. “I don’t want to do this anymore.”

 

Uzi frowned, caught off guard by the raw honesty in his voice. “Why not?”

 

N looked away, his expression unreadable. “I don’t really want to talk about it right now.”

 

Silence fell between them, heavy and awkward, until finally, N spoke again. “Alright, so here’s the terms: I help you kill this monster, and in turn, I get my freedom. Deal?”

 

N stuck his hand out, offering a handshake. Uzi hesitated for only a moment before reaching out and clasping his hand. His skin was cold to the touch, but the grip was firm, solid.

 

“Deal,” Uzi said, meeting his eyes.

 

As soon as their hands touched, the room seemed to shudder, a faint tremor that sent books rattling on their shelves. N glanced down, his expression unreadable as he nodded toward the line of salt surrounding the pentagram.

 

“Hey, do you mind, uh…” He trailed off, nodding his head toward the salt.

 

Uzi blinked, confused at first, then realized what he was asking. “What? Oh, yeah, sorry.”

 

She quickly kicked away a section of the salt, breaking the circle. As soon as the barrier was broken, the room rocked slightly, the atmosphere shifting. Uzi heard the sound of a door opening and shutting downstairs, followed by the heavy tread of boots.

 

N’s eyes narrowed, his expression suddenly alert. “What was that?”

 

Uzi tensed. “My dad’s home. Hey, can you hide yourself or something?”

 

N seemed to consider this for a moment, then nodded. “Yeah, I think I got something.”

 

---

 

The soft creak of the front door opening echoed through the house, followed by the unmistakable sound of boots thudding against the wooden floor. Uzi’s heart skipped a beat as she realized her dad, Khan, had just walked in. She quickly turned to N, who was still standing in the middle of the room, looking every bit the demon he was.

 

“Hey, can you hide yourself or something?” Uzi whispered urgently, her eyes darting between N and the door to her room.

 

N seemed to think for a moment, his yellow eyes narrowing slightly. Then, with a slight shrug, he began to shift. His pale skin darkened, taking on a more human-like tone, while his eyes lost their predatory slits, becoming a more familiar shade of deep green. His sharp features softened just enough to pass for human, and his horns retracted into his skull, disappearing entirely. The transformation was eerie—N still didn’t look quite right, but in the dim light of the room, he might just pass for a normal person. At least to someone who wasn’t looking too closely.

 

Problem was, a guy in her room might give Khan a worse impression than what the truth was.

 

As N’s transformation changed again upon her request, Uzi heard Khan’s voice drifting up the stairs. “Alright, kid, I’m back. So what do—” His words cut off abruptly, followed by the sound of something heavy being set down. “What the hell is that?”

 

Uzi’s eyes widened in panic. She turned to the stairs, where Khan was now standing, staring at something just out of her line of sight. She quickly followed his gaze and realized with a jolt that N had shifted into the form of a large, white dog—his new disguise. The “dog” was sitting on the stairs, its head cocked to the side in a rather convincing display of canine curiosity.

 

Khan’s brow furrowed as he squinted at the creature, clearly baffled. “'Zi, what the hell is that?”

 

For a split second, Uzi was too stunned to respond. She quickly composed herself, putting on the most nonchalant expression she could muster. “Um, yeah,” she said, her voice a little too high-pitched to be entirely believable. “A smoothie.”

 

Khan’s confusion deepened, and he shot her a skeptical look. “What?”

 

Uzi winced, realizing her mistake. “I mean, uh, I got a dog. Not a smoothie.” She could feel N’s eyes on her, the disguised demon clearly amused by her fumbling.

 

Khan’s expression softened slightly, and for a moment, he looked almost... proud? “I really like that. I think this will help you learn some responsibility. Good job, hope you take great care of him.”

 

And with that, Khan turned and headed back downstairs, his boots thudding heavily against the floor as he disappeared around the corner. Uzi stood frozen on the stairs, her mind racing as she tried to process what had just happened.

 

Did... did that actually work?

 

She slowly turned to N, who was now standing on all fours like a proper dog, his tail wagging slightly. His large, dark eyes met hers, and she could swear there was a hint of a smirk on his canine face.

 

“That’s the first time he’s ever said something like that to me,” Uzi muttered, more to herself than to N.

 

N tilted his head, his ears twitching slightly. “What?”

 

Uzi shook her head, trying to shake off the weirdness of the situation. “Nothing. Uh, thanks for... that. But you’re gonna need a different disguise when we go to the park tomorrow. I think you’d probably be more useful against a giant lizard monster if you weren’t, y’know, a dog.”

 

N’s form shimmered slightly as he shifted back to his human-like appearance, though the unsettling uncanny valley effect remained. “Noted,” he said, his voice back to its smooth, slightly ominous tone.

 

Uzi sighed, rubbing her temples. “This is going to be a long night.”

 

---

 

The morning sun had barely started its climb when Uzi and N made their way to the edge of the woods. The air was crisp and cool, a faint mist lingering over the ground as if the forest itself were still waking up. The trees loomed tall and silent around them, their thick branches casting long shadows that stretched across the dirt path like dark fingers.

 

Uzi adjusted her backpack, her mind racing with a mix of excitement and apprehension. They were really doing this—heading into the woods to find the creature that had been terrorizing the town. And this time, she wasn’t going in alone.

 

“N, what are you doing?” Uzi whispered, glancing over at him as they neared the treeline.

 

N blinked, his gaze shifting to her. “What do you mean?”

 

“This is a public park! What if someone else sees you?” Uzi hissed, gesturing to his demonic form.

 

N frowned slightly, as if this possibility hadn’t occurred to him. “Sorry. Here, I got a good disguise.” He closed his eyes for a moment, his form flickering slightly, as if he were recalibrating himself.

 

When N opened his eyes again, his appearance had shifted once more. His skin had darkened to a more convincing human tone, and his features had softened, becoming less angular and more... ordinary. His eyes, however, remained an unsettlingly bright shade of yellow, and his hair, now an off-white, still had an unnatural sheen to it. He looked almost human—almost—but something about him still screamed wrong.

 

Uzi stared at him, both impressed and disturbed by his ability to morph so easily. “I’m not quite sure how I should feel about your ability to do that.”

 

Before N could respond, Doll and Thad finally caught up with them, the two of them bickering as usual.

 

“We’re here,” Doll announced, her tone flat as she surveyed the forest with her usual disinterest. She had her arms crossed over her chest, her dark eyes narrowed as if daring something to jump out at her.

 

Thad, on the other hand, looked far less composed. His usually cheerful face was etched with nervousness, and he kept glancing around as if expecting the trees themselves to come alive and attack them. “Finally! What took so long?” Uzi asked, rolling her eyes at their late arrival.

 

Thad shrugged, looking sheepish. “I saw a kid napping at the library earlier.”

 

Uzi blinked, her brain doing a double-take. “Oh my god, really? Is he okay?”

 

Thad nodded, his expression innocent. “Oh yeah, it's all good. He woke up.”

 

Uzi shot him a really, bro? look, thoroughly unimpressed by the wordplay. “I’m gonna kill you in your sleep.”

 

Doll ignored their banter, her gaze flicking to N, who was still standing awkwardly at Uzi’s side. “So who’s your friend here?”

 

Uzi hesitated for a fraction of a second, glancing around to make sure no one else was in earshot. The park was empty, the only sounds coming from the rustling leaves and the occasional bird call. Satisfied they were alone, she leaned in slightly, her voice low. “That’s N. He’s a...”

 

She trailed off, unsure how to explain exactly what N was. After a beat, she nodded at him, signaling him to reveal his true form.

 

N glanced around as well, making sure they were truly alone before his form began to shift. His skin paled, his eyes darkened back to their eerie yellow, and his hair shimmered into that deep, unnatural silver. In a matter of seconds, N was back to his full demon form, standing tall and ominous before them.

 

“Um, ta-da,” N said, lifting his hands and giving them a little shake, as if trying to lighten the mood.

 

Doll and Thad stared at him, wide-eyed. Doll, usually so composed, seemed genuinely shocked, while Thad’s mouth hung open, as if his brain had short-circuited.

 

“Demons are real?” Doll asked, her voice filled with a rare note of disbelief.

 

Thad, meanwhile, looked at N with a mix of awe and confusion. “Does this mean Santa’s real, too?”

 

Doll slowly turned her head to face Thad, her expression a perfect blend of irritation and resignation. Uzi could almost see the gears turning in her friend’s head as she tried to decide if it was even worth responding to that.

 

But before she could say anything, Uzi stepped forward, bringing the group’s attention back to the task at hand. “Alright, enough gawking. Let’s move out. We’ve got a monster to find.”

 

With that, she led the way into the forest, the others falling into step behind her. N walked beside her, his presence both reassuring and unsettling at the same time. The woods seemed to grow darker as they ventured deeper, the thick canopy blocking out most of the sunlight. The air was cooler here, and the silence was thick and heavy, broken only by the occasional snap of a twig underfoot.

 

Thad, who had been nervously glancing around since they entered the forest, suddenly felt something wet drip onto his face. He froze, slowly raising a hand to touch the spot, and his fingers came away slick with warm, sticky liquid. He looked down at his hand, his heart skipping a beat when he realized what it was—blood.

 

His breath caught in his throat as he slowly tilted his head back, eyes widening as he followed the trail of blood up to its source.

 

Hanging upside down from the branches above was a mauled human corpse, its lifeless eyes staring down at him, blood still dripping from its torn flesh.

 

“Uh, guys!” Thad’s voice was shaky, barely above a whisper. “What the hell did that?”

 

The rest of the group rushed over, their expressions shifting from determination to horror as they saw the mangled body hanging above them. Doll’s usual stoicism wavered, and even Uzi felt a chill run down her spine.

 

N, however, remained calm, his yellow eyes narrowing as he assessed the situation. His gaze shifted from the corpse to the surrounding forest, his senses sharp and alert.

 

“This is exactly why we have to stop this thing,” Uzi said, trying to inject some confidence into her voice, though she couldn’t quite shake the unease creeping up her spine. “Besides, we have N. I’m sure we’ll be fine.”

 

The group’s attention shifted to N, who was... admiring a colorful spider crawling up a nearby tree.

 

“Woah, guys, look how pretty it is,” N said, completely oblivious to the horror hanging just a few feet away.

 

Thad stared at him, his face pale. “Oh man, we gon’ die.”

 

Uzi took a deep breath, forcing herself to push past the fear that was gnawing at the edges of her resolve. They had come this far, and she wasn’t about to back down now. She glanced at the others, trying to project confidence.

 

“Come on,” she said, her voice firmer this time. “Let’s keep moving.”

 

With that, they continued deeper into the forest, the oppressive silence closing in around them like a shroud. Every shadow seemed to hide something, every rustle of leaves could be the creature they were hunting—or worse, something hunting them.

 

But they pressed on, Uzi leading the way, her determination burning bright despite the darkness surrounding them. She didn’t know what they would find out here, but she knew one thing for sure—she wasn’t going to let this monster terrorize her town any longer.

 

And with N by her side, she might just have a chance.

 

---

 

The further they ventured into the forest, the thicker the canopy became, the sunlight filtering through the leaves in dappled patterns that danced across the ground. The air was cool and damp, heavy with the earthy scent of moss and decaying leaves. Every sound seemed amplified—the snap of a twig underfoot, the rustle of leaves in the breeze, the distant call of a bird—all of it conspiring to put everyone on edge.

 

Uzi kept a firm grip on the straps of her backpack, her eyes scanning the path ahead for any sign of the creature they were hunting. She could feel the tension in the group, a shared sense of unease that none of them wanted to voice. Even N, usually so calm and collected, seemed more alert than usual, his yellow eyes flicking from shadow to shadow as if expecting something to leap out at them.

 

They all stopped, the silence pressing in around them as they took in the surroundings. The trees here were thicker, their gnarled roots twisting across the ground like the veins of some ancient beast. The forest floor was littered with dead leaves, their once vibrant colors now muted and dull. But it wasn’t just the natural decay that set Uzi on edge—it was the absence of life. No birds sang in the trees, no insects buzzed around them. It was as if the forest itself was holding its breath, waiting for something terrible to happen.

 

“Alright, be careful guys,” Uzi repeated, her voice barely above a whisper now. “This is where I last saw it.”

 

Doll moved to inspect something on the ground, crouching down with the same intensity she brought to everything she did. Her sharp eyes caught on a strange piece of evidence—a long, thin strip of reptilian skin, dried out and curled at the edges. She lifted it carefully, holding it up for the others to see.

 

“Guys, what’s this?” she asked, her tone cautious but curious.

 

N stepped closer, his expression hardening as he examined the skin. “Shedding,” he said, his voice grave. “Whatever’s out here is getting bigger.”

 

Doll frowned, dropping the skin and wiping her hands on her pants, as if touching the creature’s remnants left her feeling unclean. “Bigger?” she echoed, a note of concern creeping into her voice.

 

N nodded, his eyes scanning the area for more signs. “Yeah. That’s what shedding means. It’s growing.”

 

Thad, who had been nervously hovering near the back of the group, looked like he was about ready to bolt. “Now, wait a damn minute here, buckaroo. You telling me there’s a lizard out here that big?”

 

N’s eyes met Thad’s, and his expression was dead serious. “No. I’m saying it’s bigger. It just shed, that means it’s growing.”

 

Thad swallowed hard, his usual bravado gone. “Great. Just... great.”

 

Uzi glanced around, her anxiety spiking. This was worse than she’d thought. If the creature was getting bigger, that meant it was getting more dangerous. They needed to find it—soon—before it found them.

 

As they continued on, the forest seemed to close in around them, the trees growing closer together, their branches intertwining overhead like a canopy of claws. The path became narrower, more overgrown, until it was little more than a deer trail winding through the underbrush. The oppressive silence weighed heavily on them, each step feeling like it brought them closer to something terrible.

 

Eventually, they emerged into a small clearing, where an old, weathered cabin stood at the edge of the woods. The cabin looked like it hadn’t seen human habitation in years—its wooden walls were weathered and cracked, the roof sagging in places, and the windows were dark and empty, like the hollow eyes of a skull. It was the kind of place you’d expect to see in a horror movie—the perfect setting for something to go terribly wrong.

 

“Maybe we can find something in there,” Uzi suggested, though her voice lacked its usual confidence. She didn’t like the look of the cabin, but they needed to gather as much information as possible.

 

Thad shook his head vigorously, his eyes wide with fear. “Are you serious? It’s a cabin in the woods, Uzi! Are you trying to fuckin’ die? There’s probably cannibals in there or some shit.”

 

Doll shot him a withering look. “How about you stay out here and stand watch, while the rest of us head in?”

 

Thad’s expression turned from fear to indignation. “By myself? Hell nah, I’m coming with y’all.”

 

Uzi ignored their banter and approached the cabin, her heart pounding in her chest. The place looked even worse up close, the wood rotting in places and the door hanging crookedly on its hinges. She reached out and pushed the door open, wincing at the loud creak it made as it swung inward.

 

The inside of the cabin was just as dilapidated as the outside. The floor was covered in a thick layer of dust, and cobwebs clung to the corners of the room. The furniture—what little there was—was broken and scattered, as if someone had ransacked the place long ago. The air was stale, carrying the faint, unpleasant scent of decay.

 

Doll was the first to speak, her voice echoing slightly in the empty space. “Looks abandoned.”

 

Uzi nodded, though she couldn’t shake the feeling that something was watching them, lurking just out of sight. “Alright, you guys check this area. Me and N will check the back half.”

 

Thad didn’t seem particularly eager to explore any part of the cabin, but he wasn’t about to be left alone either. “You guys are gonna check the dark and creepy side, that I’m pretty sure I heard a weird noise come from?”

 

“Yep,” Uzi replied, her voice a little too cheerful, as if trying to keep the mood light.

 

“Sounds like a plan,” Thad muttered, shaking his head in disbelief. “Have fun.”

 

Leaving Doll and Thad to explore the front of the cabin, Uzi led N deeper into the structure. The further they went, the darker and more oppressive the atmosphere became. The walls seemed to close in around them, the shadows lengthening until it felt like they were walking into the mouth of some enormous beast.

 

“Uzi,” N whispered, keeping his voice low, “why do you want us to explore the creepy side?”

 

Uzi glanced at him, her expression calm but serious. “We’ll be fine. You can handle yourself, right?”

 

N’s response was simple, but it carried a weight that made Uzi pause. “Yeah. But can you?”

 

Uzi hesitated, not sure how to answer. Could she? She’d been so sure of herself before, but now...

 

She didn’t answer right away, but instead focused on the path ahead. The hallway led them to a pair of doors, both closed, but one with a faint, eerie glow seeping out from underneath.

 

“I’ll be fine,” Uzi whispered, more to herself than to N. Then, louder, “Hey, look.”

 

N followed her gaze to the door on the left, the one with the strange glow. They exchanged a look, both of them understanding that whatever was behind that door was the source of the danger they’d been seeking.

 

Slowly, carefully, N reached forward and grasped the doorknob. The metal was cold under his fingers, but he ignored the sensation, turning the knob slowly so as not to make any noise. The door creaked slightly as it opened, revealing a room that looked like it had been through a war.

 

The furniture was smashed to pieces, the walls gouged with deep claw marks. The floor was littered with debris, and in the center of it all was a man—slumped over and drenched in blood, his body surrounded by a thick ring of salt. He was holding a candle, its flame flickering weakly as if on the verge of going out.

 

“Are you alright?” N asked, his voice calm but edged with concern. “What the heck happened here?”

 

The man looked up at them, his eyes wild with fear and pain. “I didn’t do it right.”

 

Uzi exchanged a confused look with N before stepping closer, careful not to disturb the circle of salt. “Didn’t do what right?”

 

The man’s voice was barely a whisper, his words slurred with exhaustion. “I broke the salt. They got out.”

 

N’s expression darkened, understanding dawning in his yellow eyes. “You summoned a demon?”

 

Uzi’s heart skipped a beat. She knew exactly how dangerous that could be, but as she thought about them, the man’s words sent a chill down her spine.

 

“What the hell do you mean ‘they’? How many did you summon?” Uzi demanded, her voice rising with a mixture of fear and anger.

 

The man tried to stand, but his legs gave out beneath him. N moved quickly to support him, lifting him to his feet with ease. The man leaned heavily on N, his breath ragged and shallow.

 

“I was trying to summon a lust demon,” the man confessed, his voice laced with regret. “I was just horny, man. I didn’t mean for this to happen.”

 

Uzi couldn’t believe what she was hearing. “What happened, you degenerate?”

 

“I messed up the ritual,” the man continued, his voice trembling. “They all started rushing out, I couldn’t stop them!”

 

Uzi felt a shiver run down her spine. She had known this was dangerous, but she hadn’t anticipated this—a man desperately trying to summon something so twisted, and losing control of it entirely. The fear in his eyes was real, and it made the hair on the back of her neck stand up.

 

The man’s wild gaze suddenly shifted past Uzi and N, focusing on something behind them. His eyes widened with terror. “They’re here.”

 

Before Uzi could react, a deafening crash shattered the silence. The window to their left exploded inward, and a massive, scaly creature burst through, its jaws snapping around the man’s midsection with a sickening crunch. His scream was cut short as the beast yanked him through the broken window, dragging him out into the night.

 

“Run!” N commanded, his voice sharp with urgency. He shoved Uzi toward the door, his own body moving to block the creature’s path. “Now!”

 

Uzi’s heart pounded as she turned and bolted from the room, the horrific sound of the man’s last moments still echoing in her ears. She barely registered N throwing himself at the creature as she sprinted back down the hallway, her mind racing with fear.

 

Bursting through the door into the main room, Uzi skidded to a stop, her eyes wide with panic. “It’s here, run!” she shouted at Doll and Thad, who had been rifling through the debris in the other part of the cabin.

 

Doll’s head snapped up, her face paling as she saw the terror in Uzi’s eyes. Without a word, she grabbed Thad by the arm and yanked him toward the door. The three of them barreled outside, the night air cold and sharp against their flushed skin.

 

They stumbled to a halt just outside the cabin, turning to face the building as a low, guttural growl rumbled from within. The wooden walls shuddered violently, the entire structure seeming to bow under the weight of whatever was moving inside. 

 

“What the hell is that?” Doll whispered, her voice tinged with both fear and awe.

 

The cabin's front wall exploded outward, sending splinters of wood and debris flying in all directions. The creature—an enormous reptilian monstrosity—emerged, its dark scales glistening in the moonlight. It licked its snout with a long, forked tongue, the fresh blood of its victim still staining its teeth. It let out a low growl, its eyes locking onto Uzi and her friends as it prepared to pounce.

 

Doll took a step back, her face ashen. “So what’s the plan now?”

 

Thad, his usual bravado gone, looked like he was about to faint. “Pray, I guess,” he muttered, his voice barely audible.

 

The creature tensed, readying itself to leap, but stopped suddenly as another sound pierced the air—a deep, resonant roar that sent a shiver down Uzi’s spine. The creature turned, its attention drawn away from its intended prey as N stepped out from the wreckage of the cabin, his demon form fully unleashed.

 

N’s eyes blazed with that sickly yellow light, his skin as white as bone under the moon’s glow. His body seemed to ripple with restrained power, the air around him crackling with an unseen energy. He stared down the creature, his lips pulling back in a fierce snarl.

 

Without hesitation, the creature lunged at N, its jaws snapping with a force that could easily crush bone. But N was faster. He ducked under the creature’s attack, his movements fluid and precise. With a powerful leap, he landed on the creature’s back, his sharp claws digging into its tough hide as it thrashed and roared in pain.

 

N’s grip tightened as he raked his claws down the length of the creature’s spine, the sound of tearing flesh filling the air. The beast twisted and snapped, trying to shake him off, but N held firm, his expression one of grim determination.

 

Finally, the creature managed to catch N’s leg in its jaws, jerking him off its back and slamming him into the ground with bone-jarring force. Uzi’s breath caught in her throat as she watched N struggle to get back on his feet, the creature circling him with murderous intent.

 

But N wasn’t done yet. He locked eyes with the creature, his gaze hard and unyielding. As the beast lunged at him once more, N feinted to the side, dodging the attack at the last possible second. In one fluid motion, he brought his claws up and slashed across the creature’s exposed underbelly, the blow slicing through its flesh like a hot knife through butter.

 

The creature let out a final, agonized roar as it collapsed, its massive body hitting the ground with a thunderous crash. Its tail twitched once, twice, then went still, the life draining from its eyes as it lay in a pool of its own blood.

 

N stood over the fallen beast, his chest heaving with exertion. His demon form was battered, his white skin smeared with blood—both his own and the creature’s—but he was alive. He looked back at Uzi, his expression unreadable in the dim light.

 

For a moment, everything was still. The only sound was the soft rustling of the trees as the wind swept through the forest.

 

Thad was the first to break the silence. “Welp,” he said shakily, his voice tinged with a weak attempt at humor, “I’m gonna go see a therapist. See ya guys later.”

 

Doll nodded absently, still staring at the lifeless creature with wide eyes. “Yeah, uh, that’s a good idea.”

 

As they both began to turn away, Uzi stepped forward, her gaze still fixed on N. “I guess this means our business is over now, huh?”

 

N didn’t answer immediately, his yellow eyes meeting hers. After a moment, he nodded slowly. “Yeah, I guess so.”

 

Uzi hesitated, biting her lip as she considered her next words. “What are you gonna do now that you’re free?”

 

N’s expression softened, a faint smile tugging at the corners of his mouth. “You’re the best summoner I’ve ever had, Uzi. Can I stay with you?”

 

Uzi blinked, surprised by the request. “Well, if you don’t, I’ll have to explain to my dad where the ‘dog’ went, so... sure.”

 

N’s smile widened slightly, and he nodded in gratitude. Together, they turned away from the wreckage of the cabin and the body of the fallen creature, walking back down the trail toward home.

 

As they disappeared into the shadows of the trees, neither of them noticed the large, dark eye watching them from the underbrush—a slit golden pupil reflecting the light of the moon, filled with a cold, unblinking malice.

Chapter 2: Holy Hell

The morning sunlight streamed through the kitchen window, illuminating the Doorman household in a golden glow that did nothing to improve Uzi’s mood. She sat at the breakfast table, arms crossed, jaw tight, glaring across at her father like he’d just told her to go join a convent.

 

"You're going," Khan said, voice firm as he scooped eggs onto his plate.

 

"No, I’m really not," Uzi shot back.

 

Khan sighed, rubbing the bridge of his nose. "Look, kiddo, I’ve let you get away with a lot. The late nights, the creepy books, the existential rants about the futility of existence—"

 

"Those are justified," Uzi interrupted.

 

"—But you need some wholesome influences in your life,” Khan continued, ignoring her. “You spend all your time locked in your room with that dog. You could use some community. Some good, honest, salt-of-the-earth people.”

 

Uzi groaned, slumping forward dramatically. "First of all, gross. Second, I'm 22. I'm an adult. Third, are we even religious? You’ve never once made me go to church before."

 

"Yeah, well, I’m starting now," Khan said, sipping his coffee with the self-satisfaction of a parent who had won exactly one argument in the past ten years. "Pastor Mitchell’s a great guy. Real accepting, real modern."

 

"Oh good," Uzi deadpanned. "So instead of condemning people, he just vaguely guilt-trips them into obeying the arbitrary rules of some old sky wizard."

 

Khan narrowed his eyes. "Uzi."

 

Uzi groaned again, louder this time, hoping the sheer force of her exasperation would make her dad spontaneously change his mind. Unfortunately, he was immune to her bullshit.

 

"Fine!" she huffed. "But I’m bringing my dog."

 

Khan blinked. "What?"

 

"My dog," Uzi said, kicking lightly at the furry mass curled up under the table. "Y’know, the one you already let me keep?"

 

Khan frowned, clearly torn. "I don’t think churches let animals in…"

 

"Emotional support animal," Uzi said immediately. "I have severe religious trauma from this one time when you left me at daycare and the lady running it tried to convince me I was going to hell for eating paste."

 

Khan stared at her, unimpressed. "That did not happen."

 

"You weren’t there!"

 

Khan exhaled through his nose, long and slow, like a man who had made an impossible deal with some ancient god and was now suffering the consequences. "Fine. You can bring the dog. But he behaves, alright?"

 

Uzi grinned triumphantly. “Oh, hell yeah.”

 

“Don’t say ‘hell’ before we go to church.”

 

“Oh, heaven yeah.”

 

Uzi glanced under the table at N, who was currently scratching his ear with his hind leg, his floppy black-and-white dog disguise perfect as always. She nudged him with her foot.

 

"You hear that, buddy? You have to behave."

 

N wagged his tail, tongue lolling out of his mouth in an expression of pure innocence that was, Uzi knew, complete bullshit.

 

"Absolutely!" he whispered cheerfully.

 

Uzi smirked, ruffling his fur just to annoy him. “C’mon, boy! Let’s go learn about Jeeeesus.”

 

The church wasn’t as bad as Uzi had expected.

 

That wasn’t to say she liked it, but it was at least tolerable. The building was old, but not in a we-need-money-for-the-roof way—more in a tasteful nostalgia kind of way. The sign out front read, LOVE THY NEIGHBOR (yes, even Steve) in bold letters.

 

The people were friendly, smiling and shaking hands, and Pastor Mitchell—who Uzi had expected to be some fire-and-brimstone old man—was actually a pretty chill-looking guy in his late thirties with rolled-up sleeves and a calm, easygoing demeanor.

 

Still, Uzi wasn’t happy to be here. She slouched in the pew next to Khan, arms crossed, her "dog" curled up at her feet. N was playing the role perfectly, tail thumping against the floor as he panted happily.

 

Pastor Mitchell started his sermon with something about community, kindness, and the importance of loving thy neighbor. Uzi tuned it out, staring at the stained glass window behind him, wondering how long she had to stay before she could fake a medical emergency.

 

“My friends,” Mitchell said, spreading his arms, “today’s sermon is about something we don’t talk about enough: love. And no, not just the easy kind. I mean the hard kind. The real kind. The kind where you don’t just love people who agree with you. You love your actual neighbor. Even the ones who don’t think like you. Even the ones who drive you crazy. Even Steve.”

 

Then, to her surprise, N leaned up and murmured, "Y’know, I can actually get behind this guy."

 

Uzi blinked and glanced down at him. "You what?"

 

N’s floppy dog ears twitched. "He's right about a lot of this stuff. Love thy neighbor? That’s solid advice. Not being a judgmental jerk? Also good."

 

Uzi frowned. "You live in Hell. Shouldn’t you, like, hate this place?"

 

N huffed. "Just because I work in Hell doesn’t mean I think people should be mean to each other."

 

Uzi gave him a skeptical look but didn’t argue. Mitchell continued talking about compassion, self-reflection, and all that other good stuff, and N nodded along like he was actually enjoying himself.

 

Then, inevitably, the subject changed.

 

Mitchell’s voice took on a more serious tone. "Now, I know a lot of people are afraid of Hell. And that’s understandable. It’s a place of punishment, ruled by demons and the Devil himself—"

 

N made a noise that was somewhere between a snort and a scoff. Uzi nudged him with her foot.

 

Mitchell kept going. "Satan, the deceiver, waits in the flames, guiding lost souls further into sin, trapping them in torment for eternity—"

 

N leaned up again, whispering to Uzi. "Okay, first off, the Devil isn’t a single person. It’s a title held by the current ruler of Hell."

 

Uzi clenched her jaw. "Not. The. Time."

 

Mitchell continued, describing Hell as a realm of fire and suffering, where sinners are tortured by demons under Lucifer’s cruel rule.

 

N rolled his eyes. "Lucifer hasn’t ruled Hell in centuries. He retired. His son Beelzebub took over for a while, but he left to become an actor—"

 

"Shut up," Uzi hissed.

 

"—And now his daughter, Satan, runs things. She actually wrote a best-selling novel about—"

 

Uzi clamped a hand over his snout. "N. I swear to God."

 

N wiggled free. "Also, Hell isn’t just eternal torment. I mean, sure, some parts suck, but it’s more bureaucratic than anything. Plus, we got a P.F. Chang’s now."

 

Uzi was this close to throwing him across the pew.

 

Mitchell continued explaining demon hierarchies as if he were some kind of expert, while N kept muttering corrections under his breath, growing increasingly agitated with every inaccuracy.

 

"Fire and brimstone? That’s so outdated."

 

"Demons don’t actually drag people to Hell, most of the time they walk in themselves."

 

"You think the Devil just sits around all day twirling their mustache? Satan runs a government, man! And she doesn't even have facial hair."

 

"OH COME ON, we don’t even HAVE pitchforks!"

 

By the time the service ended, Uzi’s patience was completely spent.

 

She grabbed N by the collar and dragged him out of the church before he could start a theological debate with Mitchell. Khan followed, oblivious, shaking hands and making small talk while Uzi tried desperately to keep her demon-dog from blowing their cover.

 

But just as they reached the parking lot, N stiffened. His ears perked, his head snapping toward the town beyond the church walls.

 

Uzi frowned. "What?"

 

N’s voice was low, serious. "I can sense something."

 

Uzi’s stomach twisted. "What kind of something?"

 

N looked at her, eyes dark and sharp. "There’s a demon in this town."

 

Uzi swallowed. "Another one?"

 

N nodded, his posture rigid. "And it’s close."

 

Uzi turned her gaze toward the town, the weight of the revelation settling over her.

 

Well.

 

So much for a quiet Sunday

 

---

 

Uzi sat cross-legged on her bed, flipping through the Demonology Tome on How To Summon Demons 101 like she was skimming a high school textbook five minutes before a test. Across from her, N sat on the floor, leaning against her dresser in his human disguise—pale skin, messy silver hair, eerie golden-yellow eyes that glowed faintly in the dim light of her room. His tail, still present despite the illusion, wagged lazily.

 

“So,” Uzi said, tapping a random passage with the back of her nail, “what exactly can you tell me about this demon? Like, what are we dealing with here?”

 

N let out a thoughtful hum, tilting his head slightly. “Well… I can sense it, but only in a general way. I know it’s in town, I know its presence is weird, but I can’t pinpoint an exact location.”

 

Uzi frowned. “Great. That’s super helpful. Any idea what type it is? Like, is it a boring background extra demon or a super-powerful, ‘I eat babies for fun’ demon?”

 

“Absolutely no clue,” N admitted cheerfully. “It could be anything from a minor mischief demon to a literal warlord.”

 

Uzi slowly closed the book and stared at him. “Oh, cool. So we’re just rolling the dice on whether this thing’s gonna knock over mailboxes or start an Armageddon speedrun.”

 

“Pretty much!”

 

She groaned, rubbing her face. “What do you know?”

 

“Well,” N began, “I know it has free will.”

 

Uzi lifted her head. “Meaning?”

 

“Summoned demons, like what I used to be, have a contract seal that keeps them bound to Earth until they complete their deal,” N explained. “It’s like being tied to an anchor—makes us completely undetectable to other demons. But a free demon doesn’t have that. No summoning contract, no magical seal keeping them hidden. That’s why I can sense this one.”

 

Uzi narrowed her eyes. “Wait. If you can sense them, does that mean…?”

 

N nodded. “Yep. They can sense me too.”

 

Uzi stared. “You led with ‘I don’t know where they are’ instead of ‘they know we exist’?”

 

N shrugged. “I didn’t want you to freak out.”

 

She threw a pillow at his face. He let it hit him.

 

“Okay, so that’s terrifying,” she muttered. “If they can sense you but not pinpoint where you are, they could be hunting for you if they don't wanna be noticed.”

 

“Could be,” N agreed, tail still wagging like this wasn’t a massive problem.

 

Uzi sighed and leaned back against her headboard. “Alright, what other differences are there between summoned and free demons? If we wanna stop this thing, I need all the info I can get.”

 

N hummed in thought. “Well, aside from being hidden, summoned demons also need their summoner’s permission to return to Hell. We can technically be dismissed at any time, but we can’t go back on our own unless our summoner lets us. Free demons don’t have that problem—they can go between realms whenever they want.”

 

Uzi sat up, a slow smirk creeping onto her face. “Oh.”

 

N blinked at her. “…Oh?”

 

She snapped her fingers. “You can just go to Hell and find out who this demon is.”

 

N’s brow furrowed. “What?”

 

“Think about it,” Uzi said, sitting up straighter. “There has to be, like, a record of demons checking in and out of Hell, right? A secretary or a librarian or something?”

 

N hesitated. “…There is an office for that.”

 

“Perfect,” Uzi said, grinning. “You go back to Hell, check the records, figure out who’s been active topside recently. Then, we narrow down which demon it is, use this book to find its weaknesses, and bam, problem solved.”

 

N tilted his head. “That… is actually a really good plan.”

 

“Damn right it is.”

 

“But,” N added, tail flicking, “I need a tether if I wanna teleport back.”

 

Uzi frowned. “A tether?”

 

N nodded. “It’s kinda like an anchor. If I go back to Hell, I need something to pull me back here, or I’d have to brute-force my way through, which takes way more energy than I wanna use.” He rubbed the back of his neck. “I was gonna use something random, but since you’re the one who summoned me, it’d work way better if I used you.”

 

Uzi raised an eyebrow. “I don’t love the sound of that.”

 

N held up his hands. “It’s not bad! It’s just a small link. You won’t even notice it.”

 

“…Will it kill me?”

 

“What? No! Why is that your first question?”

 

She gave him a flat look. “Because you’re a demon.”

 

“…Fair.”

 

Uzi crossed her arms. “Alright. Whatever. Do it.”

 

N clapped his hands together. “Great! This’ll just take a second.”

 

He reached out, resting his fingers against her forehead.

 

The moment he did, something snapped into place.

 

Uzi’s entire body buzzed like static was crawling under her skin, and a sharp jolt shot through her chest like she’d been shocked. Her breath hitched as a faint, glowing thread—barely visible—formed between her and N, flickering in and out of sight like a dying ember.

 

N’s eyes widened in alarm.

 

“Oh, biscuits.”

 

Uzi blinked. “…Oh, biscuits what?”

 

N retracted his hand like he’d just touched a live wire. “Uh. Okay. Okay. So. Slight issue.”

 

Uzi squinted. “What kind of ‘slight’ are we talking? ‘Oops, I dropped your phone’ slight or ‘I just summoned something worse’ slight?”

 

“Uh.” N scratched his cheek. “You… might be soul-bonded to me now.”

 

Uzi stared at him blankly.

 

“…Neat,” she said.

 

N’s ears flicked. “Uzi, this is serious.”

 

“Why?”

 

“Because,” N stressed, “soul bonds are reserved for demon partners.”

 

Uzi frowned. “Like crime partners? Battle partners?”

 

N looked her dead in the eyes.

 

“No.”

 

The realization crashed into her like a freight train. “Oh.”

 

N was already pacing, running his hands through his hair. “Oh, gods, Satan’s gonna kill me—”

 

Uzi held up her hands. “Wait, wait, wait. Okay. Explain this properly.”

 

N took a deep breath, clearly trying to not panic. “A soul bond is… huge in demon culture. It’s not just a tether—it’s a permanent connection that demons only form with their lifelong mate.”

 

Uzi’s brain stalled. “Lifelong—”

 

“It’s like a supernatural marriage, Uzi.”

 

Uzi immediately sat back against her bed, staring at the ceiling like it had personally betrayed her. “…You married me?!”

 

“Not on purpose!” N yelped, his voice shooting up an octave. “I wouldn’t do that without asking first! I was just trying to make a normal tether, but somehow I full-on soul-bonded instead!”

 

“Somehow?”

 

“I DON’T KNOW, I WASN’T PLANNING ON MARRYING ANYONE TODAY! THE ONLY DIFFERENCE BETWEEN THE PROCESSES IS... reciprocation.”

 

Uzi groaned, dragging her hands down her face. “Oh my God.”

 

“Oh my Gods,” N corrected.

 

She threw the Demonology Tome at him. He dodged.

 

“Can we undo it?” she asked, already dreading the answer.

 

N hesitated. “Technically… yes. But it’s hard. And Hell takes soul bonds very seriously.”

 

“Define ‘hard.’”

 

“As in, ‘Satan is going to hear about this within the next twenty-four hours and personally show up at your house.’”

 

Uzi stared. “Excuse me?”

 

N gave her a strained smile. “Uh. Yeah. You’re about to meet my boss/president.”

 

Uzi shoved a pillow over her face and screamed into it.

 

N sat down beside her, tail curling around his legs. “On the bright side… I think your dad will be way more upset about this than you are.”

 

Uzi flipped the pillow off her face, looking at him with dead eyes.

 

“Oh, I know he will.”

 

They sat in silence for a moment.

 

“…So, does that make me Mrs. N?” Uzi deadpanned.

 

N buried his face in his hands.

 

Hell was going to kill him.

 

---

 

Hell was, objectively, a bureaucratic nightmare.

 

It had its fiery pits, sure. But mostly, it had offices. So many offices. An endless sprawl of administrative departments, processing centers, and case review boards, all meticulously organized to keep the afterlife running smoothly.

 

And at the very top of it all, in a massive obsidian tower that loomed over the infernal capital, Satan—the actual Devil—sat at her desk, working through yet another stack of paperwork.

 

The office itself was surprisingly modern. Floor-to-ceiling windows overlooked the cityscape of Hell’s capital, with its towering gothic structures and endless crimson sky. A mini-fridge hummed in the corner, stocked with Hell-exclusive energy drinks, and an LED sign on her desk read: #1 Infernal Overlord (Also Mom!) in bright neon letters.

 

Satan, in her true form, was a striking figure. Her long, curling horns gleamed under the warm glow of the hanging lights. Her dark, ashen skin contrasted with the molten gold tattoos that glowed faintly across her arms, marking her as Hell’s ruler. She wore a tailored black suit, the Hellish equivalent of business casual, and idly tapped a claw against her desk as she flipped through the most recent citizen reports.

 

Her assistant, a jittery imp in a clip-on tie, stood nervously at her side. “Uh, Lady Satan, we have an—uh—update on a former employee?”

 

Satan arched an eyebrow, flipping to the relevant file. “Which one?”

 

The imp hesitated. “Uh. N.”

 

Satan’s finger froze on the page. Her brow furrowed. “...N?”

 

The imp nodded rapidly, gripping his clipboard like a lifeline. “Y-yes, ma’am. The, um, low-level bargaining demon? He disappeared off our radar until about a week after when his last summoner died, and we assumed he was unemployed, but then he was bound to a new summoner for, uh, exactly one day before suddenly gaining free will and vanishing completely.”

 

Satan leaned back in her chair, tapping a clawed finger against the desk. “Huh. That’s weird. And you said you couldn’t track him after that?”

 

“No, ma’am.” The imp swallowed. “But, uh… we can now.”

 

Satan’s glowing eyes narrowed. “Why?”

 

The imp licked his lips. “Because he just soul-bonded.”

 

A heavy silence filled the office.

 

Satan slowly leaned forward, resting her elbows on the desk. Her tail flicked once, then twice, before she finally spoke.

 

“N,” she said carefully, “soul-bonded to someone?”

 

The imp nodded quickly. “Yes, ma’am.”

 

Satan exhaled through her nose, rubbing her temples. “Please, for the love of me, tell me it was to another demon.”

 

The imp hesitated. “...Uh.”

 

Satan’s glowing eyes flicked back up. “Oh, you have to be fucking kidding me.”

 

She flipped the file open again, skimming through the details. Sure enough, N had absolutely just soul-bonded… to a human.

 

Satan groaned, running a hand down her face. “Unbelievable.”

 

She liked N. He was a weird little guy, but he’d been one of the few bargaining demons that wasn’t a complete bastard. She’d been wondering where he’d run off to after he gained free will, but she hadn’t expected this.

 

The imp cleared his throat. “Uh, should we… do anything?”

 

Satan sighed, already pushing back her chair. “I should’ve seen this coming the moment he knocked me up.”

 

The imp immediately decided it was time to leave the room.

 

Satan stretched, cracking her neck as she stood. “Alright. Since someone has to be the responsible adult here, I guess I’ll go check on that little idiot.”

 

With that, she snapped her fingers—and vanished in a plume of dark smoke.

 

---

 

Uzi had just finished recovering from the absolute nightmare of a conversation she’d had with N when someone knocked on the door.

 

N went rigid. His tail, still swishing anxiously, froze mid-air like he’d been hit with a petrification spell.

 

Uzi frowned. “What?”

 

N’s ears twitched. “Someone’s here.”

 

Uzi gave him a flat look. “Yeah, that’s what happens when people knock.”

 

N didn’t move.

 

Uzi sighed, pushing herself off the bed. “Fine. I’ll get it.”

 

She stomped her way downstairs, still in a very bad mood from the whole accidental demon marriage thing, and yanked the door open without checking who it was.

 

Standing on the porch was a tall, dark-haired woman in a sleek black coat, holding a clipboard. She looked polished. Professional. Intimidating, but in a cool way.

 

The woman studied Uzi for a moment before her golden eyes flickered with something like recognition.

 

“Huh,” she murmured. “I thought I recognized your soul.”

 

Uzi squinted. “What.”

 

Then, right in front of her eyes, the woman’s form shimmered—her human disguise melting away like ink dissolving in water.

 

Her horns curved upward, long and regal. The gold markings on her skin pulsed like molten light. Her tail flicked once behind her, and the very air around her seemed to hum with power.

 

Uzi, to her credit, didn’t immediately freak out.

 

N, however, came barreling down the stairs like a bat out of hell (literally), skidding to a stop behind her. His expression was somewhere between oh shit and oh fuck.

 

Satan smirked. “Hey, N. Long time no see.”

 

N swallowed thickly. “...Hi, Satan.”

 

Uzi, still gripping the doorknob, slowly turned her head toward N.

 

“Satan?”

 

“As in the Satan,” N confirmed miserably.

 

Uzi turned back to Satan.

 

Satan gave her a lazy salute. “Yo.”

 

Uzi shut the door in her face.

 

There was a brief moment of silence before Satan knocked again.

 

“C’mon, kid. Open up. I’m just here to congratulate the newlyweds.”

 

Uzi groaned, rubbing her temples. “This is actually the worst day of my life.”

 

N sighed. “Yeah, no, that’s valid.”

 

Uzi cracked the door open just enough to glare at Satan. “You’re seriously here to congratulate us?”

 

Satan shrugged. “What? I like being there for my citizens. And normally, when two demons soul-bond, I show up to give a blessing.”

 

Uzi stared at her. “Would it still be called a blessing if it’s from the Devil?”

 

Satan smirked. “Technically, yes.”

 

Uzi opened the door fully, looking like she wanted to bash her head into a wall. “So what, you’re just here to give us a marriage gift and be on your way?”

 

“Oh, absolutely not.”

 

N groaned. “Please tell me you’re not gonna make this a whole thing.”

 

Satan grinned. “N, sweetie, you soul-bonded to a human. That is absolutely going to be a whole thing.”

 

Uzi exhaled sharply. “I hate everything.”

 

Satan patted her shoulder. “Don’t worry, kid. You’ll learn to love the paperwork.”

 

N groaned again.

 

He had never wanted to die more in his entire existence.

 

Satan was still standing in Uzi’s doorway, looking way too pleased with herself as Uzi sat on the couch, arms crossed, staring at both of them like they’d just announced they were starting a multi-level marketing scheme together.

 

Uzi had never seen N look this physically distressed before. His shoulders were hunched, his face buried in his hands, his tail wrapped tightly around his leg like he was trying to make himself as small as possible. Meanwhile, Satan stood with the ease of someone who had all the power in the room and knew it.

 

“So,” Uzi said, slowly, “I’m just gonna ask—because I feel like something’s going on here—how exactly do you two know each other?”

 

N made a strangled noise that was somewhere between a whimper and a scream.

 

Satan grinned. “Oh, that’s a fun story.”

 

N’s head snapped up. “Satan, please—”

 

Satan waved him off. “Oh, don’t be dramatic, N. It’s not that bad.”

 

Uzi raised an eyebrow. “Considering how he looks like he wants to yeet himself into the sun, I highly doubt that.”

 

Satan casually leaned against the wall. “Alright, kid. Story time.”

 

N shook his head violently. “No story time! Absolutely no story time!”

 

Uzi ignored him. “Yeah, sure, lay it on me.”

 

Satan smirked, and N looked like he was about to have a nervous breakdown.

 

“This all happened about six years ago in demon time,” Satan began. “So, about… 39.96 human years.”

 

Uzi’s eyebrow twitched. “Okay, first of all, what?”

 

“Time works differently in Hell. Don’t think too hard about it,” Satan said. “Anyway. N and I had a one-night stand.”

 

Uzi blinked. “Oh.”

 

N groaned. “Oh my Gods.”

 

“It was really good,” Satan continued, as if N wasn’t sitting there contemplating his entire existence. “Like, top-tier. So good, in fact, that I wrote a book about it.”

 

Uzi squinted. “...You what?”

 

N made a horrified noise.

 

Satan grinned, gesturing toward herself. “You’re looking at Hell’s best-selling author.”

 

Uzi processed that for a moment. “Okay, hold on. You wrote a book about banging N?”

 

N buried his face in his hands again. “Please stop talking.”

 

“Oh, it’s more than just a book,” Satan said cheerfully. “It’s the best-selling piece of literature in all of Hell. Multiple editions. It won the Hell equivalent of a Pulitzer. I’m currently discussing a movie adaptation.”

 

Uzi covered her mouth, shaking with silent laughter. “Oh my God.”

 

“Oh my Gods,” N corrected weakly.

 

“I cannot stress enough how popular this book is,” Satan went on, fully ignoring N’s suffering. “There are collector’s editions. Special anniversary prints. I have a signed copy framed in my office.”

 

Uzi wheezed. “You wrote Hell’s Fifty Shades about him?!”

 

Satan shrugged. “The people loved it.”

 

Uzi lost it.

 

She collapsed onto the couch, laughing so hard she could barely breathe. N, meanwhile, looked like he was ready to evaporate.

 

Satan watched with a satisfied smirk before tilting her head. “Oh, and that’s not even the best part.”

 

N snapped his head up, eyes wide with fear. “SATAN—”

 

“You have a daughter,” she said.

 

Silence.

 

Uzi, still laughing, abruptly stopped.

 

N just… stared. “...What?”

 

Satan gave him an amused look. “You heard me.”

 

N’s brain fully short-circuited. “No. No. What—? How—?” He grabbed at his hair like that would somehow help the situation. “I have a—?!?”

 

Satan grinned. “Surprise!”

 

Uzi blinked. “Wait. Wait hold on. You mean to tell me—” She pointed at N, still looking like his soul had left his body. “—that he knocked up you?”

 

N made a strangled noise. “I—I DIDN’T KNOW—!”

 

“Oh, I know,” Satan said. “You were very much stuck under contract with that last summoner, so you couldn’t exactly visit Hell. And I didn’t exactly love the idea of dropping my kid off to meet her dad in the middle of some mortal’s shady-ass summoning room.”

 

Uzi put her hands in her hair. “Jesus Christ, N, you rawdogged Satan?!”

 

N choked. “PLEASE DON’T WORD IT LIKE THAT—”

 

Satan cackled. “Oh, she’s fun.”

 

N turned to Satan, eyes wide. “I have a daughter?”

 

Satan nodded. “Yep.”

 

N’s entire body sagged. He ran a hand down his face, breathing shakily. “Oh my Gods.”

 

Satan’s expression softened just a little. “I wanted you to meet her,” she admitted. “But it was kind of impossible. You had no free time, and Hell’s not exactly a great place for unsupervised kids, even with royal status.”

 

N’s heart twisted. “You wanted me to meet her?”

 

Satan scoffed. “Of course I did. I don’t love you or anything, but I like you, N. I’d consider you a friend. And, y’know… you’re my kid’s dad. You deserve to know her.”

 

N swallowed.

 

Uzi, still reeling, shook her head. “So why now?”

 

Satan grinned. “Because you’ve got free will now.”

 

N froze.

 

Satan leaned against the doorframe. “You can come and go between Hell and Earth whenever you want. No contracts. No restrictions.”

 

N stared at her, realization dawning in his golden eyes.

 

“I can see her,” he murmured.

 

Satan smirked. “You can see her.”

 

N’s breath hitched.

 

Uzi, still trying to recover, looked between them. “So, what, are you gonna take him to Hell right now or something?”

 

“Nah,” Satan said, waving a hand. “I’ve got a way better idea.”

 

N narrowed his eyes. “Why do I feel like I’m not gonna like this?”

 

Satan grinned. “I’m just gonna drop her off to spend time with you on weekends.”

 

N’s brain completely shut down.

 

He just stood there, mouth slightly open, as his entire world crumbled into chaos.

 

Uzi, on the other hand, perked up. “Oh my God, that’s hilarious.”

 

“Oh my Gods,” N corrected again weakly.

 

Satan clapped her hands together. “Perfect! We’re all in agreement, then. I’ll bring her by Friday evening. You can have her for the weekend, and I’ll pick her up on Sunday night. Standard Hell custody arrangement.”

 

N finally snapped out of his shock. “SATAN.”

 

Satan tilted her head. “N.”

 

“I—WHAT?!” N threw his arms out. “You can’t just drop a child off like she’s an Amazon package! This is—this is way too fast!”

 

Satan smirked. “Oh, buddy, you should’ve thought about that thirty-nine years ago.”

 

Uzi covered her mouth to stifle a laugh.

 

N gestured wildly. “I—I didn’t even KNOW I had a kid until TWO MINUTES AGO!!”

 

“And now you do,” Satan said cheerfully. “Progress!”

 

N groaned and pressed his fingers into his temples. “Satan, I—I want to meet her, of course I do, but—what if I mess this up?! I—I don’t know how to be a dad!”

 

Satan rolled her eyes. “Oh, please. Do you know how low the bar is for demon dads? You existing and giving a shit is already putting you in the top ten percent. You're already doing way better than yours.”

 

N made another strangled noise, but Uzi elbowed him. “Dude, relax. You’re literally the most caring demon I’ve ever met.”

 

“I’M THE ONLY DEMON YOU’VE EVER MET,” N shot back.

 

“And you still have the highest score,” Uzi deadpanned.

 

Satan nodded. “Exactly. Look, N, I wouldn’t be doing this if I didn’t think you’d be good for her. She wants to meet you. She’s always wanted to meet you.”

 

N’s expression softened. “…She does?”

 

Satan smiled. “She’s a little shit sometimes, but yeah. She’s a good kid.”

 

N exhaled slowly, running a hand down his face. “Oh, my Gods. I have a daughter.”

 

Uzi grinned. “And now you get to babysit the Princess of Hell. Have fun with that.”

 

N groaned. “This is a disaster.”

 

Satan smirked. “No, this is parenting.”

 

N collapsed face-first onto the couch.

 

Satan gave Uzi a wink. “Alright, kid. See you Friday.”

 

And with that, she vanished in a swirl of dark smoke.

 

Uzi turned to where N was still lying on the couch, completely motionless.

 

“…So. You ready to be a dad?”

 

N groaned into the cushions.

 

“Take that as a no,” Uzi said, grinning.

 

This was the funniest day of her life.

Notes:

Just to explain demon years, N is equivalent to about 24. So he and Uzi are very close in age

Chapter 3: Demonsitting

Uzi had seen N anxious before. Nervous, fidgety, full of self-doubt? That was just his natural state of being. But this was another level.

 

He was pacing so much that she was honestly starting to get dizzy watching him. His tail—out, since they were alone—was wagging at a speed that could probably generate a small tornado, and he kept rubbing his hands together like he was trying to physically burn off his nerves.

 

Uzi, meanwhile, was sprawled out on the couch, arms crossed, watching him with the tired patience of someone who had been dealing with his freakout all day.

 

“N,” she said, “if you don’t sit your ass down, I’m gonna put a leash on you.”

 

N did sit—immediately, like a scolded dog—but his leg started bouncing so aggressively that the entire couch shook.

 

“Okay,” he muttered, running a hand down his face. “Okay, I just—I need to be cool. Chill. She’s just my daughter, no big deal, I can totally do this.”

 

Uzi raised an eyebrow. “You just called meeting your daughter ‘no big deal.’”

 

N groaned. “I know what I said!”

 

Uzi smirked. “Listen, you’re already miles ahead of most dads in Hell. You care. Remember what Satan said? That’s, like, an automatic top-tier ranking, apparently.”

 

N nodded quickly. “Right, right. Low bar. I can step over a low bar. Easy.”

 

And then a plume of dark smoke exploded in the middle of the room.

 

Satan materialized, looking as effortlessly cool as ever in her black suit, arms crossed, an easy smirk on her face. But she wasn’t alone this time.

 

Standing beside her was a girl.

 

Lilith, the Princess of Hell.

 

She was about six in demon years, but carried herself with the kind of confidence only someone literally born into royalty could manage. Her skin was a dark, rich red, her long black hair tied up in a high ponytail, and her golden eyes flickered with the same eerie glow as her mother’s. Small, sharp horns jutted from her forehead, and a thin, pointed tail flicked behind her.

 

She stood with her arms crossed, looking at N like he was a math problem she really didn’t want to solve.

 

N’s tail thumped against the couch. “H-Hi.”

 

Lilith tilted her head slightly. “...So you’re him.”

 

N smiled nervously. “I, uh—yeah! Yeah, I’m him.”

 

Lilith studied him.

 

N, desperate to make a good impression, slowly raised a hand in an awkward little wave.

 

Lilith frowned.

 

Satan clapped her hands together. “Alright! Icebreaker time. Lilith, this is your dad. N, this is your kid. Bond or something.”

 

Lilith’s eyes flicked to her mother. “Mom.”

 

Satan raised an eyebrow. “Hmm?”

 

Lilith’s tail flicked behind her. “Why do I need a dad now?”

 

N flinched, like she’d physically smacked him.

 

Satan sighed. “Kid, you know I’d have loved for you to meet him sooner. But his last summoner kept him on a leash, and summoning contracts are brutal.” She gestured to N. “Now he has free will. Meaning he can actually be here.”

 

Lilith still looked skeptical. “I’ve been fine without him.”

 

The words made N’s stomach twist.

 

Satan gave her daughter an unimpressed look. “Lilith.”

 

Lilith crossed her arms. “I have.”

 

Satan rolled her eyes. “Alright, miss independent, I hear you. But you’ve also been asking about him since you first learned to talk, so don’t act like you never wanted to meet him.”

 

Lilith’s expression flickered, like she wanted to argue, but couldn’t.

 

N, still reeling, sat forward slightly. “Listen, I… I know this is a lot. And I—I don’t expect you to just accept me right away. But I want to know you.”

 

Lilith’s gaze lingered on him for a moment, before flicking to Uzi.

 

Her eyes narrowed. “And who are you?”

 

Uzi blinked. “Oh, uh—Uzi. I’m, uh—” She hesitated. “I summoned him?”

 

Lilith’s frown deepened. “So… you’re my dad’s summoner?”

 

N coughed. “Not technically anymore.”

 

Lilith’s tail flicked sharply. “Then why are you still here?”

 

Uzi raised an eyebrow. “Because I live here?”

 

Lilith made a face. “Why does he live here?”

 

Satan smirked. “Because these two accidentally soul-bonded.”

 

N let out the loudest, most miserable groan.

 

Lilith recoiled. “WHAT?!”

 

Uzi sighed, rubbing her temples. “It was a mistake.”

 

Lilith looked between them, absolute disgust on her face. “You bonded with a human?”

 

N held up his hands. “Not on purpose!”

 

Lilith turned to Satan. “Mom??”

 

Satan shrugged. “Not my problem.”

 

Lilith sighed. “Oh my God.”

 

“Oh my Gods,” N corrected.

 

Lilith crossed her arms again, her sharp eyes locked onto N. “Why aren’t you just with Mom?”

 

N flinched. “I—uh—”

 

Lilith gestured vaguely. “I mean, obviously you two have history.”

 

N turned to Satan for help, but she just grinned at him like this was the most entertaining thing she’d seen all week.

 

N forced an awkward laugh. “Lilith, your mom and I—uh—we’re not together. We never really were. It was—it was just a one-time thing.”

 

Lilith gave him a flat look. “So you knocked up the Devil and then disappeared?”

 

N groaned. “I didn’t disappear!”

 

“He really didn’t,” Satan added. “Dude was on a tight leash.”

 

Lilith was still eyeing N suspiciously. “So you’re not with Mom, and you’re not under a summoning contract anymore, but you are living with her?” She gestured toward Uzi.

 

Uzi threw up her hands. “I let him crash at my place!”

 

Lilith’s gaze flicked to N again. “Why?”

 

N shifted uncomfortably. “I, uh—well—”

 

Satan smirked. “He likes her.”

 

N snapped his head toward her. “SATAN—”

 

Satan just grinned.

 

Uzi, meanwhile, narrowed her eyes. “Excuse me?”

 

N turned to her quickly, eyes wide. “Not like that!!”

 

Lilith rolled her eyes. “So my dad is living with a human and is soul-bonded to her. Great. Cool. Love that for me.”

 

N sighed. “Okay. I know this is weird. But can we please just… try?”

 

Lilith studied him for a long moment.

 

Then, finally, she let out a dramatic sigh. “Fine.”

 

N exhaled, relieved.

 

Satan clapped her hands together. “Awesome! Great talk. Now, I gotta get back to work, so—” She patted Lilith’s head. “Have fun with your dad, kiddo.”

 

Lilith scowled. “Mom—”

 

But Satan just disappeared, leaving her stranded.

 

Lilith groaned. “I hate when she does that to make me socialize with people.”

 

Uzi smirked. “Well, welcome to Earth. You want a smoothie or something?”

 

Lilith eyed her warily. “Why are you being nice?”

 

Uzi shrugged. “Look, I’m not exactly thrilled about being soul-married to your dad, but I am kinda invested in seeing where this goes.”

 

Lilith sighed, crossing her arms. “This is gonna be a long weekend.”

 

N, still trying to recover, slumped back onto the couch. “Yeah. Tell me about it.”

 

---

 

Uzi lay on her bed, phone pressed to her ear as she listened to the line ring.

 

“Please be a normal conversation,” she muttered. “Just this once.”

 

The call connected.

 

“What?” Doll’s voice came through, sharp as ever.

 

“Hey, good talk,” Uzi deadpanned. “Listen, you remember that demon I texted you about N sensing earlier?”

 

A brief silence. Then: “Are we killing it?”

 

Uzi grinned. “That’s the plan.”

 

There was a clatter on the other end of the line, followed by what sounded like Doll cocking a gun.

 

“Oh, hell yes.”

 

Uzi barely had time to blink before another voice cut in.

 

“What the hell?!” Thad’s voice came through the speaker, full of immediate distress. “Why the hell am I on this call? I didn’t sign up for demon duty!”

 

Uzi snickered. “Oh, you’re on speaker? Hey, Thad.”

 

“No! No ‘hey, Thad’! Why am I hearing gun noises? Why is Doll looking at me like she’s actually about to drag me to war?!”

 

“Because we are going to war,” Doll said, like it was the most obvious thing in the world.

 

Uzi grinned. “Listen, we’re taking initiative. Instead of waiting for the demon to become our problem, we make it our problem on our terms.”

 

“I don’t want terms! I want to not get killed!”

 

Doll huffed. “Stop whining. I’m picking you both up in an hour.”

 

“I hate this,” Thad muttered.

 

“Love you too, buddy. Although me and N can't go with you, we're a bit focused on something else right now,” Uzi said, and hung up before he could argue.

 

She tossed her phone onto the bed and stretched, rolling onto her side to focus on the absolute train wreck happening in her living room.

 

N, in full disaster mode, was trying way too hard to be a fun, cool dad.

 

Uzi propped her chin on her hand, watching the show unfold.

 

N had nervous energy dialed up to maximum. He was practically vibrating, his tail wagging in bursts whenever Lilith so much as glanced in his direction. His hands fidgeted constantly—adjusting his sleeves, tapping on the coffee table, ruffling his own hair like that would somehow make him look more relaxed.

 

“So,” N said, leaning forward with a way too eager grin, “Hell’s changed a lot since I was last there. What’s the capital like these days?”

 

Lilith, sprawled out on the couch, barely looked at him. “Still a nightmare of bureaucracy.”

 

N let out a strained laugh. “Oh! Right, yeah. Classic Hell.”

 

Silence.

 

N cleared his throat. “How about the gladiator pits? They still doing big tournaments?”

 

Lilith shrugged. “Eh. They got rid of most of them. Kind of a health hazard.”

 

N blinked. “...In Hell?”

 

“Yeah, it was a whole thing,” Lilith muttered, flipping through her phone.

 

Uzi bit her lip to keep from laughing.

 

This was painful.

 

N, desperate to keep the conversation going, tried again. “So, uh, did you know I met the guy who’s running the Soul Exchange these days?”

 

Lilith sighed through her nose. “Dad.”

 

“Yep! Yep, sorry. You already know that guy.”

 

“This is so funny,” Uzi whispered to herself.

 

Lilith, still not looking at him, said, “You don’t have to try so hard.”

 

N immediately straightened. “I—I’m not trying too hard!”

 

Lilith finally turned her head to give him a slow, deadpan look.

 

N wilted.

 

Uzi was having the time of her life.

 

After a long, awkward pause, she decided to save him—sort of.

 

With a dramatic stretch, she grabbed her phone again and started scrolling through her playlists. “Alright, this is unbearable. We need background noise.”

 

She scrolled for a moment before selecting a song. A heavy industrial beat kicked in, layered with deep synths and a distorted guitar riff. The room filled with the dark, pulsing sound of an underground club on fire.

 

Lilith sat up immediately.

 

“Oh, shit, you listen to this?”

 

Uzi blinked. “Uh. Yeah?”

 

Lilith snatched Uzi’s phone before she could react.

 

“Hey—”

 

Lilith ignored her, scrolling through the playlist with hyper-focused intensity. “You have Batfly? And Dead Circuit? And Rot Queen?!”

 

Uzi sat up, staring. “You listen to them too?”

 

Lilith gave her a look. “Duh.”

 

And just like that, they were vibing.

 

Within seconds, they were sitting cross-legged on the couch together, swapping song recommendations, talking about albums, arguing about which bands were sellouts, and generally acting like they’d been friends for years.

 

N watched from the side, completely frozen.

 

At first, he was thrilled they were getting along. Amazing! My daughter and my summoner are bonding! This is great!

 

But then it just… kept happening.

 

Lilith and Uzi immediately clicked over their shared music taste, and N, in real-time, was realizing he had zero idea what they were talking about.

 

They were listing bands he’d never heard of. Arguing about albums that sounded like random collections of words. He had never felt more like an outsider in his own family.

 

Instead of sulking, though, N did what any dad would do.

 

He inserted himself into the conversation.

 

“Oh, yeah, music is great,” he said, nodding. “I have amazing taste in music.”

 

Uzi and Lilith both turned to him at the same time.

 

Uzi raised an eyebrow. “Yeah? Prove it.”

 

N grinned, pulling out his own phone. “Oh, absolutely. Let’s see what we got here…”

 

He scrolled for a moment before selecting a song.

 

The speakers filled with aggressively cheerful synths and an obnoxiously peppy beat.

 

Lilith’s expression immediately dropped.

 

Uzi recoiled. “Oh my Gods.”

 

N smiled proudly. “Nice, right?”

 

Lilith stared at him. “Dad.”

 

N’s tail wagged. “Yeah?”

 

She pointed at the phone. “What the hell is that?”

 

N blinked. “Oh, this? Just some good music.”

 

The beat dropped.

 

And not in a cool way.

 

It was early 2000s club trash. The kind that played in the background of every bad rom-com dance scene.

 

Uzi grabbed a couch pillow and screamed into it.

 

Lilith looked genuinely betrayed. “You have this taste in music?”

 

N looked vaguely offended. “What’s wrong with it?”

 

“EVERYTHING.”

 

“This is an actual war crime,” Uzi muttered.

 

N crossed his arms. “Oh, come on. I’ll have you know, this was very popular when I was last summoned.”

 

Uzi narrowed her eyes. “When were you last summoned?”

 

“Uh.” N tilted his head. “Somewhere around 2005?”

 

Uzi gasped. “That explains so much.”

 

Lilith looked so disappointed. “You were summoned in 2005 and this is what you took from that era?”

 

“Okay, well, what should I be listening to?” N asked.

 

Uzi and Lilith exchanged a glance.

 

Then, in perfect sync, they lunged for his phone.

 

“NO!” N yelped, scrambling backward as they attacked.

 

Lilith grabbed his arm while Uzi swiped for the phone.

 

“BETRAYAL!” N howled, tail fluffed up in panic. “TRAITORS! I THOUGHT THIS WAS A SAFE SPACE!”

 

“Nope!” Uzi grinned.

 

Lilith finally wrestled the phone away and immediately deleted his entire playlist.

 

N collapsed onto the floor. “My legacy… my Muppets soundtrack...”

 

Uzi patted his head. “Don’t worry, bud. We’re gonna fix you.”

 

N groaned.

 

Lilith smirked.

 

Maybe having a dad wouldn’t be completely awful.

 

---

 

Doll was having the time of her life.

 

It wasn’t often she got to do something actually interesting. Her day-to-day routine mostly consisted of shelving books at the library, dealing with her dad’s insufferable sermons, and tolerating Thad’s presence like a long-term disease she’d grown too lazy to cure.

 

But this? Hunting an actual demon? This was fun.

 

Thad, on the other hand, hated every second of it.

 

“Why are we doing this?” he whined, nearly tripping over a stray rock as they trudged through the backstreets of town. “This is not normal college extracurricular activity, dude!”

 

Doll didn’t even glance at him. “What, you don’t wanna add ‘demon hunter’ to your resume?”

 

Thad threw his hands up. “No! I wanna add ‘graduated without dying horribly’ to my resume! I didn’t sign up for demon duty!”

 

Doll adjusted the strap of her bag, where she’d stuffed a few choice weapons—a gun (blessed bullets, because of course she had those), a silver dagger (because why not?), and a flask of holy water she definitely stole from her dad’s office. “Listen, either we handle this now, or we wait for it to become a problem and let it handle us.”

 

Thad groaned. “That’s literally the worst argument I’ve ever heard.”

 

“Then make a better one.”

 

Thad opened his mouth, shut it, then groaned louder. “I hate that you make sense sometimes.”

 

Doll smirked. “I know.”

 

They kept walking, the streets around them growing darker as they ventured further away from the more populated areas. The demon was here—somewhere. They could feel it. A weird, unnatural stillness settled over the street, the air charged with something that made Thad’s skin crawl.

 

Doll’s grip tightened on her bag. “We’re close.”

 

Thad shuddered. “Awesome. Love that for us.”

 

Then, up ahead, she stepped out of the shadows.

 

Tall, elegant, effortlessly confident.

 

She was beautiful, but in a way that immediately set off every instinct that screamed run. Her platinum blonde hair tumbled down her head in a loose bob, and her golden eyes gleamed with sharp amusement. She wore a sleek red dress, slit high on one side, paired with heels that clicked softly against the pavement.

 

And she was looking right at them.

 

Doll went rigid, reaching for her bag.

 

Thad, however, was staring in mild horror. “Oh, shit. She’s hot.”

 

Doll smacked his arm. “Focus.”

 

Thad coughed. “Right. Yeah. Focus. Evil demon lady. Totally not attractive. Got it.”

 

The woman smiled. “Well, well. What do we have here?”

 

Her voice was smooth, laced with something sickly sweet—like poisoned honey.

 

Doll didn’t hesitate. She pulled out her gun and aimed it at the woman’s head. “You’re the demon, aren’t you?”

 

The woman’s grin widened. “Guilty.”

 

Thad froze. “Wait, we’re just opening with that?”

 

Doll cocked the gun. “She’s literally a demon.”

 

“Yeah, but we could at least talk first—”

 

The woman laughed—a rich, musical sound that sent shivers down Thad’s spine. “Oh, I like you two.”

 

Doll’s eyes narrowed. “Don’t care.”

 

The woman tilted her head, giving them a once-over like a cat sizing up a pair of particularly entertaining mice. “College students, huh?”

 

Doll’s grip tightened.

 

The woman smirked. “I love college students. You guys run on such a schedule. So predictable. So easy to find.”

 

Thad took an instinctive step back. “I really don’t like that.”

 

Doll held firm. “You planning on killing us?”

 

The woman’s grin widened. “Maybe.”

 

Thad made a very undignified squeak.

 

“But,” the woman continued, her golden eyes gleaming, “I could also not kill you. I could do something else instead.”

 

She took a slow step forward, her gaze flicking between the two of them with far too much interest.

 

Thad gulped. “Uh. Define ‘something else.’”

 

The woman’s smirk turned downright wicked.

 

Doll, sensing exactly where this was going, raised the gun again. “Yeah, no. You can stop that train of thought right now.”

 

The woman laughed again, clearly enjoying herself. “Oh, I am going to have fun with you two.”

 

Doll’s eyes narrowed. “Try it and see what happens.”

 

The woman held up her hands in mock surrender. “Relax, sweetheart. I’m just having a little fun.”

 

Her gaze flicked to Thad, and her grin sharpened. “And he’s already sweating.”

 

Thad was sweating.

 

Doll groaned. “Thad, stop looking at the demon like that.”

 

“I’M NOT LOOKING AT HER LIKE ANYTHING,” he shrieked.

 

The woman giggled. “Oh, honey. You are.”

 

Thad looked seconds away from passing out. “This is actual hell.”

 

The woman smirked. “Not yet.”

 

Doll pulled back the hammer of the gun. “You’ve had your fun. Leave this town. I got a friend who doesn't appreciate threats like you.”

 

The woman sighed, like she was being so unfairly asked to stop harassing them. “Fine, fine. I’ll be nice.”

 

Doll didn’t lower the gun.

 

The woman winked. “For now.”

 

Then, with a flick of her wrist, she vanished.

 

Doll and Thad stood in silence, the tension still thick in the air.

 

After a long moment, Thad turned to Doll, still pale as a sheet.

 

“…I am never leaving my house again.”

 

Doll rolled her eyes. “We’re gonna have to deal with her eventually.”

 

Thad groaned. “Yeah, I know, I just—why are demons hot?! That feels unfair!”

 

Doll ignored him, holstering the gun. “We need to tell Uzi.”

 

Thad groaned again, dragging his hands down his face. “Yeah. But I am never getting over this.”

 

Doll smirked. “I know.”

 

Thad glared at her.

 

“You didn’t have to deal with her checking you out,” he muttered.

 

Doll snorted. “No, but I got to see you panic like a dumbass, so that’s a win in my book.”

 

Thad groaned a third time.

 

This was going to be a long week.

 

---

 

Lilith sat on the bed Uzi had hastily put together for her, staring at the ceiling, deep in thought.

 

It had been… an interesting day.

 

She had finally met her dad.

 

Her actual dad.

 

For years, she had only known him through the little things her mother had told her—scattered stories, mostly good ones. Satan had never spoken poorly of N, had never once claimed he abandoned her. She had always been upfront about the situation:

 

"Your dad would love to meet you. He just… can’t right now."

 

Lilith had always believed her. But it was one thing to be told that your father cared—it was another thing entirely to see it.

 

And oh boy, had she seen it.

 

N was… well.

 

A lot.

 

He had been so excited—so nervous. His energy had been all over the place, tail wagging so hard he might have launched himself off the ground if gravity weren’t a thing. He had fumbled his words, tried too hard to relate to her, and looked absolutely devastated every time she dismissed him.

 

And yet.

 

She had liked him.

 

More than she had expected to.

 

Lilith frowned slightly, hugging her pillow.

 

She had spent so much time wondering what kind of person her dad would be. A part of her had resented him, even if she knew it wasn’t really his fault. It had always been easy to blame humans for keeping him away from her.

 

And now?

 

Now, she had to reassess everything.

 

Because her dad did care.

 

He had always cared.

 

And even though his soul bond to a human was something she still didn’t fully understand, she was beginning to think… maybe it wasn’t such a bad thing.

 

She had spent the day observing Uzi. At first, she had been skeptical. A human? Really?

 

But then she had seen the way Uzi spoke to her father—teased him, but never cruelly. How she had immediately bonded with Lilith over music. How she hadn’t been weird or uncomfortable around her, even knowing exactly who she was.

 

And for the first time in her life, Lilith thought… If my dad has to be bonded to a human, at least it's this one.

 

She wasn’t going to say that out loud, of course.

 

But she would admit it to herself.

 

The door creaked open, and Lilith quickly closed her eyes, pretending to sleep.

 

She felt N’s presence immediately. He hesitated in the doorway, then walked over, crouching beside her bed.

 

There was a long pause. Then, softly:

 

“I love you, kid.”

 

Lilith kept her eyes shut, but something in her chest ached.

 

A second later, she felt his hand gently brush over her hair. It was hesitant, like he wasn’t sure if he was allowed to do it, but when she didn’t flinch away, he let his fingers trail lightly over her head.

 

She swallowed hard.

 

He stood up, shifting quietly as he walked toward the door.

 

And just before he could leave, Lilith whispered:

 

“…Love you too.”

 

She barely heard his breath hitch before he slipped out of the room.

 

N found Uzi in the living room, sprawled out on the couch, flipping through channels with all the grace of a sleep-deprived raccoon.

 

She glanced at him as he plopped down beside her, looking very emotionally overwhelmed.

 

“Got her to bed?” she asked.

 

N nodded, running a hand through his hair. “Yeah.”

 

Uzi hummed. “How’s it feel? Putting a six-year-old princess of Hell to bed?”

 

N exhaled. “Like I should be so much worse at it than I actually am.”

 

Uzi smirked. “Oh yeah?”

 

N smiled a little. “Yeah. I think I was, uh… always supposed to be a dad.”

 

Uzi scoffed. “Kinda seems like it.”

 

N let his head drop back against the couch. “It’s weird, though. A few weeks ago, I didn’t even know I had a daughter, and now she’s just… here. And I love her. Like, genuinely. I don’t know if it’s a demon thing or just a me thing, but… it feels right.”

 

Uzi nudged him. “That’s because you’re lucky. You have a daughter you adore, and you’re technically married to your best friend.”

 

N chuckled, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah. Even if it was, y’know… a mistake.”

 

Uzi grinned. “A pretty big mistake, yeah.”

 

N shot her a look.

 

Uzi stretched, putting her arms behind her head. “Also, let’s not forget—”

 

He groaned. “Uzi, please—”

 

“You dicked down the ruler of Hell so good that every demon has read about it.”

 

N covered his face with his hands. “Why do you keep saying it like that?!”

 

Uzi snickered. “Because it’s funny.”

 

N groaned dramatically, sliding down into the couch. “I hate everything.”

 

Uzi patted his head. “No, you don’t. You love doing anything.”

 

He sighed, letting himself relax into the cushions.

 

For a moment, they just sat there in comfortable silence, the hum of the TV filling the air.

 

There was something about this—something undeniably strange, but also undeniably right.

 

N thought about how easy it had been to accidentally soul bond with her.

 

He thought about how demons didn’t just soul bond like grabbing the wrong lunch out of the fridge.

 

How soul bonds were meant to happen between soulmates.

 

How it had felt effortless.

 

Like it was always supposed to happen.

 

He thought about telling her.

 

Then decided… Not today.

 

Because that was a story for another time.

 

The night was quiet.

 

For the first time in what felt like forever, N wasn’t worrying about something.

 

Lilith was asleep upstairs, safe. Uzi was beside him, absentmindedly flipping through TV channels, eyes half-lidded with exhaustion. The weight of the day sat heavy in his chest, but instead of feeling drained, he felt… full.

 

Like a piece of himself that had always been missing had finally clicked into place.

 

He was a dad.

 

Not just in the technical sense—he had always been Lilith’s father—but in the way that mattered. He had tucked her in. He had been there.

 

And she had said I love you too.

 

N swallowed the lump forming in his throat, his heart squeezing tight.

 

Uzi glanced at him, raising an eyebrow. “You good? You’re making a face.”

 

N blinked, shaking himself out of it. “What? Oh. Yeah. No. I’m good.”

 

Uzi narrowed her eyes.

 

“…You sure?”

 

N hesitated. Then, very softly, “She said she loved me.”

 

Uzi blinked.

 

And for a second, her usual sarcastic edge dropped.

 

She sat up a little, tilting her head. “Yeah?”

 

N nodded. “Yeah.”

 

Uzi grinned. “Well, no shit she does. You’re her dad.”

 

N exhaled a laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. “Yeah, I guess…”

 

Uzi watched him for a moment, then smirked. “So. Step-mom duties. What’s that entail? And do I count as a MILF now?”

 

N choked.

 

Uzi cackled. “Oh, come on, you knew that was coming.”

 

“I was praying it wasn’t!”

 

“Well, too bad!”

 

N groaned, dropping his face into his hands. “I hate you.”

 

Uzi patted his head. “No, you don’t.”

 

N grumbled into his palms.

 

Uzi stretched again, letting out a long sigh. “Still. Wild to think about. Me? A step-mom? To the Princess of Hell?”

 

She let the words settle in her mouth, tasting them.

 

Huh.

 

Didn’t sound as bad as she would’ve expected.

 

Sure, it was weird. But so was her entire life.

 

Maybe weird wasn’t so bad.

 

N, meanwhile, was fidgeting.

 

Uzi caught it immediately. “Alright, what.”

 

N hesitated. Then, “Should we tell your dad?”

 

Uzi snorted. “Oh, absolutely not.”

 

N sighed in relief. “Okay, good, I was hoping you’d say that.”

 

“I mean, what the hell would I even say?” Uzi said, throwing her hands up. “‘Hey, Dad, surprise! That dog you’ve been seeing me with? Not actually a dog. Also, congrats, you’re a grandfather now!’”

 

N grimaced. “Yyyeah, no, let’s not do that.”

 

“Exactly.”

 

Another comfortable silence fell between them, only broken by the low drone of the TV.

 

N let himself sink deeper into the couch, tail flicking absently.

 

“…I feel lucky.”

 

Uzi turned her head. “What?”

 

N smiled a little. “I mean, I have a daughter I adore, and I’m technically married to my best friend.”

 

Uzi rolled her eyes. “Still a mistake.”

 

“Still happened.”

 

“Doesn’t count.”

 

“Absolutely counts.”

 

Uzi groaned. “I hate you.”

 

N grinned. “No, you don’t.”

 

Uzi huffed dramatically and threw a couch pillow at him.

 

He let it hit him.

 

Another moment passed.

 

Then, suddenly:

 

“You know,” Uzi mused, tilting her head, “if I am the step-mom, that technically makes me royalty.”

 

N blinked.

 

Uzi grinned.

 

N groaned again. “Oh, Gods.”

 

Uzi threw her arms out. “Bow before me, peasant!”

 

N slumped further into the couch. “I regret everything.”

 

Uzi cackled.

 

And for the first time in a long time, N let himself just relax.

 

Yeah.

 

This wasn’t bad at all.

 

---

 

V sat perched on the ledge of a nearby rooftop, legs swinging over the edge, a cigarette lazily held between her fingers. She wasn’t actually smoking it—succubi didn’t really need to—but she liked the aesthetic. The whole effortlessly cool, mysterious woman watching from the shadows vibe.

 

Below her, the town stretched out in all its quaint, mortal glory. The streetlights flickered, the occasional car rumbled down the road, and somewhere in the distance, she could hear the faint, muffled bass of some shitty nightclub.

 

But she wasn’t here for the nightlife.

 

She was still here for them.

 

Doll and Thad.

 

V grinned to herself. Oh, those two are gonna be fun.

 

She could still feel the heat of their fear, the tension in their shoulders, the way they had both reacted to her with entirely different but equally amusing responses.

 

Doll—sharp, fearless, ready to fight. Thad—panicked, flustered, incredibly easy to mess with.

 

And the best part? They were college students.

 

College students had routines. Schedules. Predictability.

 

They were the easiest kind of prey.

 

Not in the I’m gonna rip out your soul and devour it kind of way. That was boring. No, she preferred the long game. The psychological game.

 

And oh, was she going to ruin these two.

 

She grinned, tossing the cigarette over her shoulder and stretching her arms over her head.

 

She’d give them a little time. Let them think they were safe. Let them pretend they’d handled their little demon problem.

 

Then she’d strike.

 

Nothing too dramatic. Not yet.

 

A little invasion of their personal space. Maybe she’d show up at their campus, pretend to be some visiting professor, or a transfer student.

 

Oh, that could be fun. She could get so much mileage out of that.

 

She could see it now—Thad would be a mess.

 

Doll, on the other hand… well.

 

Doll would fight her.

 

V licked her lips. I love a challenge.

 

She leaned back, letting herself fall from the ledge. The air rushed past her, and just before she hit the ground, she vanished into the shadows.

 

---

 

Meanwhile, back at Uzi’s house, N was finally dozing off on the couch.

 

Uzi had passed out first, curled up in the chair with a blanket half-draped over her. The TV flickered dimly in the background, the late-night programming playing quietly.

 

He hadn’t meant to stay up this long, but his mind had been racing too much to sleep.

 

Until now.

 

Finally, finally, his body relaxed, his eyes drifted shut, and—

 

Knock knock.

 

N’s eyes snapped open.

 

For a second, he thought he had imagined it.

 

Then—

 

Knock knock knock.

 

Someone was at the door.

 

N sat up slowly, heart already pounding. His first instinct was to check on Lilith—he didn’t sense anything dangerous, but he did sense something wrong.

 

Something off.

 

Uzi stirred in the chair, groggy. “Nnn… what’s goin’ on?”

 

N held up a hand, motioning for her to be quiet. He stood up, tail flicking uneasily as he crept toward the door.

 

Another knock. Slow. Deliberate.

 

N hesitated, then took a breath and opened it.

 

No one was there.

 

At first.

 

Then, as his eyes adjusted to the dim light, he saw it.

 

A note.

 

Taped to the door.

 

His stomach twisted as he carefully pulled it off and unfolded it.

 

Two simple words, scrawled in elegant, looping handwriting:

 

"Found you."

 

N’s blood ran cold.

 

Uzi, now slightly more awake, blinked at him from the chair. “What? What is it?”

 

N swallowed hard, staring at the note.

 

He recognized the handwriting.

 

V.

 

This wasn’t just a random demon passing through town.

 

This was her.

 

And if she was here…

 

She knew.

 

N clenched the paper in his fist, eyes narrowing.

 

This just got a lot more complicated.

Chapter 4: The Devil You Know

The sun hung low, casting a soft orange glow over Uzi’s backyard. The air was still, heavy with the quiet sort of sadness that always accompanied the end of something good.

 

Lilith sat on the porch steps, her small tail twitching as she stared at the patchy grass like it had personally betrayed her. She wasn’t crying or anything—she wasn’t a baby—but her frown had settled in hard, like it had been welded to her face.

 

N knelt beside her, a little unsure of how to say goodbye. He’d spent most of his life being told where to go, who to obey, what to be. For the first time ever, he’d felt like a person, and a dad, and now—well, now he was supposed to just let her go.

 

“I’ll see you next weekend,” he said, trying to smile.

 

Lilith nodded, but didn’t look up. “Yeah. I know.”

 

There was a long pause.

 

Then, softly: “I like it here.”

 

N’s heart just about imploded. “You do?”

 

She nodded again. “It’s… quieter. And Uzi’s cool. Even if she’s a human.”

 

He chuckled. “Yeah. She is.”

 

Another beat passed before Lilith finally turned to face him. “You’re not gonna disappear again, right?”

 

N blinked. “No. Never. I swear.”

 

She studied his face, golden eyes sharp with the same kind of intensity her mother had—no bullshit, no lies. She was young, but she wasn’t stupid.

 

And after a moment, she nodded. “Okay.”

 

Then, in the kind of movement that would have melted anyone with a soul, she leaned forward and hugged him.

 

Tight.

 

N nearly cried on the spot.

 

And then, right on cue, the air shimmered—and with a puff of smoke and a faint smell of brimstone, Satan materialized in the yard.

 

She was, as always, dressed to kill.

 

Black heels. Black dress. Slit up the thigh. Hair cascading in perfect, effortless waves. Golden tattoos glowed faintly on her arms and collarbones, and her horns curved elegantly over her head. She wore power like perfume and walked like the yard belonged to her—which, knowing her, it probably did in her mind.

 

“Oh, honey,” she said with a grin. “You’re gonna make your poor father cry.”

 

“I’m not crying,” N said, wiping his eyes frantically. “I’m just… sweaty.”

 

“In the eyes?” Uzi asked from the porch, sipping her iced coffee. “That’s new.”

 

Satan smirked. “You should see what else gets him sweaty.”

 

N died instantly.

 

Uzi almost spit out her drink.

 

“Satan!”

 

“What?!” she laughed, sauntering over and ruffling N’s hair. “You put a baby in me, you don’t get to act bashful now.”

 

“STOP SAYING IT LIKE THAT—”

 

Uzi, still grinning, leaned against the porch rail. “Hey, for what it’s worth, I’m pretty sure he’s never gonna live that down.”

 

“Good,” Satan said, flashing a sharp smile. “That’s half the fun.”

 

Lilith sighed. “You two are so embarrassing.”

 

“Just wait ‘til you start dating,” Satan said, patting her head. “That’s when the real fun starts.”

 

Lilith made a noise that could only be described as “teenage demon suffering” and buried her face in her hoodie.

 

“Anyway,” Satan said, turning back to N, “custody agreement time. You ready for this?”

 

N nodded quickly. “Yeah—yeah. Lay it on me.”

 

“Weekends with you, weekdays with me,” Satan said. “Holidays we’ll rotate. If I don’t get her for Mother's Day, I will raise Hell.”

 

“Fair,” N said.

 

“And if she comes back traumatized or emotionally unbalanced—”

 

“I won’t let her watch The Human Centipede again, I swear.”

 

Satan blinked. “You showed her what?”

 

“It was Uzi’s fault!” N yelped.

 

“Uzi,” Satan said, slowly turning toward the porch. “Did you show my child medically inaccurate horror?”

 

Uzi smirked. “I wanted to see if she’d laugh or cry. She laughed. Demon royalty confirmed.”

 

Satan looked proud. “That’s my girl.”

 

Then the air shifted.

 

A sudden chill cut through the yard, not cold but commanding. It wasn’t brimstone this time, but something older. Something regal.

 

A second plume of smoke burst open.

 

And then—Lucifer stepped onto the lawn.

 

Tall. Dignified. Dressed in a blood-red three-piece suit that looked like it cost more than Uzi’s house. His golden hair was neatly swept back, his eyes glowing brighter than either of his children’s or his granddaughter. And when he looked at N, it was with the pure, undiluted disappointment of a father who just found out his daughter married a sitcom character.

 

“Satan,” he said warmly. “Dearest.” He pulled her into a hug.

 

“Dad,” she said, stiffly. “Told you not to come.”

 

“And miss seeing my granddaughter with her father?” He turned to Lilith, his entire expression transforming. “Oh, my precious star.”

 

Lilith lit up. “Grandpa!”

 

She ran into his arms, and Lucifer knelt, hugging her tight, eyes misting slightly.

 

“Have they been treating you well?” he asked gently.

 

She nodded. “I had fun.”

 

Lucifer smiled. “Good. That’s all I care about.”

 

Then his eyes slid to N.

 

And immediately the temperature dropped twenty degrees.

 

“You,” Lucifer said.

 

“...Hi,” N said, voice cracking like cheap glass.

 

Lucifer straightened, smoothing his sleeves. “I do not like you.”

 

Satan sighed. “Dad—”

 

“I do not like,” Lucifer continued, raising a finger, “that you impregnated my daughter during a one-night stand.”

 

“I—okay, but she—”

 

“I do not like,” he said louder, “that you vanished for nearly forty years, failed to make contact with your child, and then when you were found, it was because you accidentally soul bonded to a human.”

 

Uzi raised her iced coffee. “Present.”

 

Lucifer’s eyes narrowed at her. “And you.”

 

Satan stepped in. “Dad, don’t start.”

 

“She’s a human.”

 

“And a good one. Just like mom,” Satan snapped.

 

Uzi blinked. “Aw. You do like me.”

 

“Don’t push it.”

 

Lucifer glared at N again. “You’re lucky Satan is too tired to burn you alive.”

 

N whimpered.

 

“But,” Lucifer said, turning back to Lilith and kneeling again, “if you want to spend time with him, then I’ll allow it. For your sake.”

 

Lilith rolled her eyes. “Thanks, Grandpa.”

 

Lucifer kissed her forehead. “Be safe. And if he makes you cry, I’ll erase his entire bloodline.”

 

“I grew up in an orphanage,” N muttered.

 

“I’ll invent one and erase it.”

 

Satan pinched the bridge of her nose. “Okay. That’s enough. Lilith, say goodbye.”

 

Lilith turned to her dad, eyes a little misty again. “I’ll see you next weekend?”

 

N smiled. “Absolutely.”

 

She hugged him, and this time she didn’t pull away so quickly.

 

Then, in a puff of red smoke, she and Satan disappeared.

 

Lucifer lingered.

 

He gave N one last, long, soul-piercing glare.

 

Then, with a scoff, he vanished too.

 

N stood frozen in the yard, vibrating with stress.

 

“...That went well,” Uzi said.

 

N turned to her, face pale. “He’s going to kill me.”

 

“Only if you fuck up,” she said cheerfully.

 

“I’m doomed.”

 

She patted his back. “Yup.”

 

Meanwhile, back in Hell, Satan and Lilith reappeared in the central throne hall.

 

The moment they landed, Lilith ran forward. “Grandma!”

 

An older demon woman stood waiting, her eyes lighting up as she caught the child in her arms.

 

“Hello, my little flame,” Lilith the elder said, embracing her namesake.

 

“I missed you!”

 

“I missed you too. Now tell me everything.”

 

Satan, watching the scene, smiled.

 

Then she felt a presence behind her.

 

Lucifer.

 

“Still mad?” she asked.

 

He folded his arms. “You could’ve done better.”

 

Satan gave him a look. “You think I wanted to get knocked up by the bargain bin demon of the month?”

 

He didn’t answer.

 

“Look,” she sighed, “he’s not perfect. He’s a mess. But he cares. And Lilith adores him. That’s what matters.”

 

Lucifer frowned. “You’re sure?”

 

“I’m sure.”

 

Lucifer grumbled but didn’t push it.

 

The two Liliths were chatting happily on the other side of the room.

 

Satan exhaled. “I need a break.”

 

Lucifer raised an eyebrow. “From me?”

 

“From everything.” She snapped her fingers, vanishing from Hell in a flash.

 

When she reappeared, she was standing in the middle of Earth’s downtown, glamoured in her human disguise: curvy, busty, immaculately dressed, and absolutely glowing.

 

A nearby human tripped over his own feet at the sight of her.

 

She smiled.

 

“Let’s go for a walk,” she murmured. “Mama needs a frappuccino.”

 

And with that, Satan strutted down the street like she owned it. Which, given her track record, wasn’t entirely untrue in her own head.

 

---

 

The scent of incense and baked goods mingled in the morning air as the quaint little church buzzed with its usual pre-sermon activities. Sunlight filtered through stained-glass windows, casting patches of warm color across the pews and polished floor. The smell of free coffee and powdered donuts was already drifting through the building—God’s breakfast, as some of the congregation liked to joke.

 

Pastor Mitchell adjusted a vase of fake lilies on the podium while humming a cheerful hymn under his breath. His tie was slightly crooked, but his smile was calm and genuine. He wasn’t the fire-and-brimstone type, and his sermons were more TED Talk than Revelations speedrun. His flock was small but loyal.

 

At the back of the sanctuary, Yeva—his wife—was organizing the day’s bulletins with all the enthusiasm of someone who didn’t believe a word of what they said.

 

“I still think ‘fellowship hall’ is just code for poorly air-conditioned snack table,” she muttered, sorting the papers into neat stacks.

 

Mitchell chuckled and kissed her on the cheek. “And yet you’re still here every Sunday.”

 

“Because I love you, not the cosmic landlord you worship.”

 

He beamed. “And I love you too, you hellbound heathen.”

 

Yeva smirked and handed him a stack. “Just remember: if you get raptured, I’m taking the car.”

 

The church doors creaked open and in walked Doll and Thad.

 

Doll’s expression was pure determination. She moved like a girl on a mission. Thad’s expression, meanwhile, was pure glazed donut-induced euphoria. He locked onto the snack table like a predator spotting prey.

 

“Oooohhh, yes. God bless this holy bounty,” Thad whispered as he made a beeline for the donut box.

 

Doll rolled her eyes and walked up to her mom, who raised an eyebrow.

 

“Hi, sweetheart. Skipping the breakfast sacrament?” Yeva asked, eyeing Thad, who was currently trying to fit a powdered donut and a jelly-filled one in his mouth at the same time.

 

“I need to ask you something,” Doll said, straight to the point.

 

Yeva tilted her head. “This isn’t a pregnancy thing, is it?”

 

“MOM—no!” Doll hissed. “I just wanna spend the night at a friend’s place. Thad and I have… a school assignment. Group project.”

 

Yeva’s expression shifted.

 

Ah.

 

The Look.

 

She folded her arms. “A group project, huh?”

 

Doll squinted. “Yes?”

 

Yeva gave her a knowing smile. “Sweetie, you’re at that age where ‘group project’ starts sounding like code for sneaking off to ‘study’ in private.” She gave the air quotes extra flair.

 

Doll looked like she wanted the earth to open and consume her.

 

“I—NO—it’s not like that! We have something actually important to do! It’s demon-related—” she froze. “I MEAN—college related! It’s college.”

 

Yeva raised a finger. “Boundaries are important, sweetie. I’m not here to monitor your love life—”

 

“We don’t HAVE a love life!” Doll nearly shouted.

 

“—but remember,” Yeva continued, completely unfazed, “use protection, make good choices, and don’t let anyone tell you you need to rush.”

 

Doll blinked. Then blinked again.

 

“…So I can go?”

 

“Of course.”

 

Doll blinked again.

 

“That’s it?”

 

“Yep.”

 

“Even after that weird mom speech?”

 

“Especially after that weird mom speech.” Yeva smiled and handed her a to-go bag. “I packed you guys snacks. But IF HE HURTS YOU, I WILL CUT OFF HIS BALLS!”

 

Doll turned, stunned, and walked away.

 

“Victory?” Thad asked, holding two donuts in one hand and a third in his mouth.

 

“Apparently,” Doll said. “She thinks we’re dating.”

 

Thad paused mid-bite. “Wait, what?”

 

“Yeah. Thought our demon hunt was some kind of secret romance.”

 

“Ew,” Thad said, blinking rapidly. “Not because of you, but because… I don’t know how to process that.”

 

They passed by a woman as they exited—a woman whose presence made Thad’s brain briefly short-circuit.

 

Black dress, high heels, legs for miles, and a body sculpted like temptation itself. Her long dark hair flowed like silk, and her walk had the hypnotic sway of someone who knew exactly what they were doing.

 

Thad slowed down as his eyes practically bugged out of his head.

 

Doll, without looking, backhanded him in the stomach.

 

“Ow!”

 

“Eyes front, dumbass.”

 

“I—I wasn’t—”

 

“You were.”

 

“Wha—she’s like ninety percent thighs! How do you not look?!”

 

“She’s not my type.”

 

“…Is your type girls who don’t make my soul cry from confusion?”

 

“Pretty much.”

 

Meanwhile, Satan stepped into the church, a slow smirk tugging at her lips. She could feel the discomfort ripple through the air the second she walked in.

 

Ah. That sweet, sweet mortal repression.

 

Eyes darted toward her, and then quickly away. The elderly deacon nearly dropped the collection plate. A teenager gasped like she’d just seen cleavage for the first time. Which, to be fair, she probably had.

 

Satan strolled up the aisle like it was a catwalk. She sat in the second row, crossed her legs, and let one heel dangle, waiting for someone—anyone—to address her.

 

Mitchell noticed her at once, stepping away from the pulpit with a warm smile.

 

“Hello there! I don’t believe we’ve met.”

 

Satan raised an eyebrow. “Aren’t you going to clutch your pearls and call me a jezebel?”

 

He chuckled. “I’ve been married to an atheist for twenty years. You’re going to have to try harder than that to offend me.”

 

She blinked. “You’re serious.”

 

He nodded. “Yeva’s my world. Our faiths don’t have to match to love each other.” He extended a hand. “Mitchell.”

 

Satan took it, intrigued. “You’re not the usual preacher type.”

 

“I try not to be.” He motioned to the pew beside her. “Mind if I sit?”

 

Satan smiled slowly. “Not at all.”

 

He sat, adjusted his collar, and added, “You’re very… striking. You visiting?”

 

“You could say that,” Satan said, amused. “I’m from out of town. Way out.”

 

Mitchell laughed, thinking it a joke. “Well, we’re glad to have you.”

 

She studied him. “You’re… not afraid of me?”

 

“Should I be?”

 

She leaned in slightly, eyes glowing faintly. “I’m not exactly… mortal.”

 

“Neither is love,” he said.

 

She paused.

 

Mitchell gestured at the pulpit. “Want to hear the sermon?”

 

“I came here to mess with religious folk.”

 

He smiled. “Well, I came here to love my neighbor. Sounds like we’ve both got our hobbies.”

 

Satan stared at him.

 

Then laughed—genuinely.

 

“You’re good,” she said.

 

He shrugged. “I try.”

 

So she listened.

 

She didn’t expect to care. She didn’t want to care. But Mitchell’s words weren’t about judgment or fear. They were about community. Forgiveness. The importance of loving others even when they didn’t share your views or come from your world.

 

She’d never heard a human talk about grace and actually mean it.

 

Afterward, as the congregation began to thin, Satan leaned back in the pew and said, “You know, I like you.”

 

Mitchell grinned. “Well, thank you.”

 

She hesitated. “Can I be honest with you?”

 

“Of course.”

 

“My dad’s mad at my ex. My ex is married to someone else. And I’m not upset about that—I’m actually glad. Because now maybe he can be the father he always wanted to be. But my dad hates the guy for disappearing and then reappearing all tangled up with someone new.”

 

Mitchell nodded. “Sounds complicated.”

 

“It’s Hell.”

 

They both chuckled.

 

Mitchell leaned forward. “You know, sometimes the people we love… they hurt us. Or disappoint us. Or fall short of what we wanted. But that doesn’t mean they’re bad people. Just flawed ones. Which, last I checked, is all of us. With the exception of one man who lived 2000 years ago.”

 

Satan stared at him, surprised to feel her chest tighten.

 

She’d been walking around angry. Not just at her father, or N, or the situation—but at herself.

 

Mitchell clapped a hand on her shoulder. “He’s probably doing the best he can. And so are you.”

 

She stood. “You’re too good.”

 

He smiled. “Nah. I just work on it.”

 

Satan turned to go. Then paused.

 

“One more thing,” she said. “You’re gonna like this.”

 

“Oh?”

 

She grinned. “You can tell your congregation you preached to the Devil herself today.”

 

Mitchell blinked.

 

Satan gave a little wink, and with a flick of her wrist, vanished.

 

The church went still again.

 

Yeva walked over, sipping coffee. “So. Who was the babe?”

 

Mitchell smiled softly. “Just a new friend.”

 

Yeva raised an eyebrow. “Uh-huh.”

 

“She said I preached to the Devil.”

 

Yeva snorted. “Yeah, you married me. You’re used to it.”

 

He laughed and took her hand.

 

“Doesn’t matter who she is,” he said. “I’m a Christian. I’ll love my neighbor.”

 

---

 

Uzi had reached her breaking point.

 

She’d tried—really tried—to ignore it. She’d made jokes, sarcastic remarks, the occasional snide “hey trench coat boy, ever heard of a laundry machine?” kind of jab. But none of it had worked.

 

Because N, her demon roommate/accidental soul-bonded husband/ongoing source of existential confusion, lived in that damn trench coat.

 

Same one. Every day. The color was probably supposed to be black, but years of use had dulled it into a weird charcoal brown-green-grey hybrid, like burnt licorice left in a haunted dryer. The fabric frayed at the ends, the collar perpetually stuck in “someone tried to iron this and failed” mode. It was so distinctly N that she was starting to feel like it had more personality than he did.

 

“Okay, no,” she finally said one morning, halfway through her coffee. “I can’t do this anymore. That coat has got to go.”

 

N, who was sitting cross-legged on her living room floor like a sentient trash raccoon with a mug of hot chocolate, blinked. “Go where?”

 

Uzi stared at him. “I don’t know. The graveyard, maybe?”

 

He frowned. “But it’s my favorite!”

 

“It’s your only,” she said. “You don’t even own underwear.”

 

“I do, technically. I just haven’t found them since the last time I was in Hell.”

 

“Oh, gross.”

 

He tilted his head. “Why? It’s not like I’m asking to borrow yours.”

 

Uzi choked. “Absolutely not. I’m not washing your coat only to have demon dick flopping around my house. I don't wanna see that.”

 

That wasn’t entirely true. A deeply cursed part of her would probably look if that ever happened. For scientific purposes, obviously. But she wasn’t about to admit that.

 

N clutched his coat like a child clinging to a blanket. “But this is the only thing that feels normal.” He hesitated. “Even if it smells like... sadness.”

 

“You smell like unwashed sadness,” Uzi said, standing. “We’re going shopping.”

 

He blinked again. “Shopping?”

 

“Yes. For clothes. You know—those things people wear when they don’t want to look like a 2007 Tumblr era creepypasta.”

 

“I don’t get fashion,” N mumbled, nervously following her to the door.

 

“Well, lucky for you,” Uzi said, grabbing her keys, “you’ve got me.”

 

“And what makes you qualified?”

 

“I have taste.”

 

“You wear boots with skulls on them.”

 

“Exactly. Taste.”

 

The trip to the mall started like most poorly thought-out ventures: with anxiety, confusion, and too many fluorescent lights.

 

N clung to her side like a terrified Victorian orphan experiencing capitalism for the first time. He flinched at mannequins. Jumped at price tags. Got into a five-minute debate with a display screen when it asked if he wanted to “join the rewards program.”

 

“Hey,” Uzi whispered to a teenage employee, “he’s, uh, foreign. Real foreign.”

 

The girl nodded with the haunted look of retail employees everywhere. “We had a guy lick a mannequin once. This isn’t even top five.”

 

Uzi grinned. “Perfect. Can I borrow, like, the entire back half of the store?”

 

“I don’t fucking care,” the girl said, dead inside.

 

Which was how N ended up in a dressing room surrounded by cursed fabrics and Uzi’s chaos.

 

“Try this one,” she said, tossing a neon pink crop top over the door.

 

“I—what is this? Where does this go?!”

 

“It’s a shirt.”

 

“It’s a lie.”

 

“Try it or I’m making you wear it in the food court.”

 

N, still convinced this was some elaborate human rite of humiliation, put it on backwards.

 

“Oh my God,” Uzi howled when he stepped out. “You look like a rejected anime protagonist.”

 

“It’s choking me!”

 

“That’s the choker. I gave you that on purpose.”

 

“This is abuse,” he whispered, staring at his reflection.

 

Then came the thigh-high socks.

 

“This is definitely abuse.”

 

And then the matching skirt.

 

“I don’t understand where my legs are supposed to go.”

 

Eventually, one of the employees tried to help, only for N to ask—dead serious—“Is this designed to contain mortal shame or amplify it?”

 

Uzi was kicked out of the changing area for laughing too loud.

 

After an hour of tormenting him with progressively more cursed outfits—including but not limited to: a shirt that said “I pee in pools,” a mesh top with rhinestones that spelled “Daddy’s Lil Hex,” and a bucket hat that looked like a possum in therapy—Uzi finally took pity.

 

“Alright,” she said, dragging a now mentally broken N toward the back of the store. “Let’s find you something actually wearable.”

 

He blinked like he’d just crawled out of a war trench. “You’re not going to make me wear the fishnet again?”

 

“No,” she said gently. “That was for my soul.”

 

They sifted through hoodies. Simple jackets. Basic jeans. It took time, but eventually, they found pieces that fit him. Muted colors. Comfortable fabrics. A pair of sneakers that didn’t look like he’d crawled out of the Underworld and into Payless.

 

And then—

 

She saw it.

 

A soft, oversized knit sweater in a pale grey-blue that looked like a sad cloud.

 

“Try this,” she said, handing it to him without her usual smirk.

 

N blinked, took it carefully, and slipped into the dressing room.

 

When he came out, Uzi didn’t say anything.

 

Didn’t make a joke. Didn’t laugh.

 

She just stared for a second too long.

 

He looked… normal. Comfortable. Like a guy you’d see reading a book in a café. Like someone who belonged here.

 

“You okay?” he asked, tilting his head.

 

“Yeah,” she said quickly. “Yeah. You just—uh. You look… good.”

 

He smiled sheepishly. “Thanks.”

 

She coughed and turned away. “Don’t get used to it.”

 

The car ride home was quiet. Not awkward. Just… settled.

 

N was watching the trees pass through the window, now dressed in his hoodie and jeans like he was trying out the mortal experience for the first time and had discovered it was kind of nice.

 

Uzi tapped her fingers on the steering wheel. “So. Did I break you?”

 

“Emotionally?” N asked. “Yes.”

 

She snorted. “Well, you’ve probably got like 14 personality disorders anyway. What’s one more?”

 

He laughed. Then, softer: “I liked today.”

 

Uzi glanced over. “Even the crop top?”

 

“No,” he said firmly. “That’s going to haunt me for the rest of my life.”

 

“Good.”

 

Silence fell again.

 

Then—

 

“I’ve never done this before,” N said quietly. “Like… lived. I’ve always just been a tool for someone else. A summoned weapon. A bargaining chip.”

 

Uzi didn’t say anything. Just listened.

 

“But now I have a room. And a daughter. And a best friend who makes fun of me constantly but still drags me shopping because she cares. And I just… I feel like I’m finally allowed to have a life.”

 

Uzi’s grip on the steering wheel tightened slightly.

 

The air in the car shifted. Softer. Thicker. Like something had landed between them and neither of them quite knew what to do with it.

 

“…Lame,” she said, eyes still on the road.

 

N chuckled. “Extremely.”

 

She didn’t say anything else. Just kept driving.

 

But her lips curved, just slightly.

 

And the smile lasted all the way home.

 

---

 

The wind howled through the empty warehouse district, rusted doors creaking against their hinges like they were sighing from decades of disuse. The sky was overcast in that “something bad’s about to happen” way that movies loved to abuse, and Uzi had a sinking feeling that real life was finally catching on.

 

“Okay,” she muttered, eyes scanning the dark alley ahead. “Demonic activity pinged around here. Anyone seeing signs of life?”

 

“Define life,” Doll replied, one hand resting on the hilt of her hunting knife.

 

“You know. Screaming. Blood trails. Anything that says, ‘hey, I’ve been horrifically slaughtered, please avenge me.’”

 

N glanced around uneasily, trench coat flapping in the wind despite Uzi’s efforts to get him into a hoodie today. “The energy feels… off. Like we’re being watched.”

 

Thad, munching on a granola bar, muttered, “Well, that’s comforting. Love that.”

 

Then, like clockwork, a voice drifted from the shadows.

 

“About time you showed up.”

 

Every head snapped toward the source.

 

And there she was.

 

Lounging on a stacked shipping crate like it was a designer lounge chair was V.

 

Not in her human disguise. No, this was Succubus Mode—full glam, full danger. Her skin was smooth and warm-hued with an otherworldly glow. Long white hair tumbled down her back in elegant waves. Her horns were sharp, curving back like a crown, and her eyes—those gleaming golden eyes—were locked onto them with the amused expression of someone who already knew how this conversation would end.

 

She was dressed like a vampire-themed dominatrix at Milan Fashion Week—tight leather, plunging neckline, thigh-high boots, a whole situation of power and aesthetic perfection.

 

Thad choked on his granola bar.

 

Doll’s hand immediately went to her knife.

 

Uzi raised a brow. “So. Demon Barbie decided to come back.”

 

“I prefer Succubitch, actually,” V said with a lazy smile. “It’s more accurate.”

 

“What do you want?” Doll snapped.

 

V stretched like a cat, every motion intentionally slow. “Nothing permanent. Just a… temporary alliance.”

 

“Oh sure,” Uzi said. “Because that went so well last time Thad and Doll encountered you.”

 

V pouted. “I didn’t do anything last time. Well, nothing harmful.” She winked at Thad, who was currently ascending to horny Nirvana.

 

N narrowed his eyes. “Why are you here?”

 

“I’ve been tracking them too,” she said simply.

 

“The other demons?” N asked.

 

She nodded. “Yup. Seems like some very nasty boys have been slithering out of Hell lately. Not great for business.”

 

“Business?” Doll said flatly.

 

“Well, yes. You think I want the whole mortal realm wiped out?” V rolled her eyes. “If everyone dies, I have no one left to seduce, manipulate, or emotionally obliterate. And that’s, like, my entire brand.”

 

“So this is self-preservation?” Uzi asked.

 

“Absolutely,” V said with a grin. “And boredom. Lots of boredom.”

 

“And what do you want from us?” N asked, still bristling with distrust.

 

V sat up, crossing her legs at the knee. “Simple. I help you find and deal with the more feral demons, and in return, I feed when I need to.”

 

Doll tensed. “Feed? Like, killing people?”

 

“God, no,” V said, feigning offense. “You act like I’m some kind of monster.”

 

“You are some kind of monster,” Uzi said.

 

“Semantics.” V waved her hand dismissively. “I’ll feed—gently. A little flirting here, a little emotional damage there. Maybe a bad hookup. Nothing fatal. Just a little bit of soul.”

 

“Why does this sound like a bad Tinder date with extra steps?” Thad mumbled.

 

“I won’t drain anyone dry,” V continued. “Just a little taste. You know—consensual nibbling.”

 

“We’re just supposed to trust you?” Doll said.

 

V grinned. “No. You’re supposed to watch me. That’s the whole point. I get my fix, you get demon radar. Everyone wins.”

 

“I don’t know,” N muttered. “This feels like letting a wolf babysit a flock of sheep.”

 

“Relax,” V said, leaning forward with a sultry smile. “I won’t kill you. Just mess with your heads. Maybe give Thad a complex.”

 

Thad, eyes glazed over, whispered, “I would love to have a complex.”

 

Uzi squinted at him. “You already have a complex.”

 

“Then I’ll have two.”

 

Doll glared. “You’re just gonna let her drain random people?”

 

“Not randomly,” Uzi said, then paused. “Wait. Actually, I have an idea.”

 

“Oh, I hate this already,” Thad muttered.

 

“How about,” Uzi said slowly, “we let you feed off Thad. You get what you need, and you don’t go after anyone else.”

 

Thad froze. “What?! Why do I have to be the sacrificial lamb here?!”

 

V’s grin widened like a shark sniffing blood. “I suck out souls through the cock.”

 

Thad stood a little taller. “It is a sacrifice I am willing to make for the betterment of mankind.”

 

Doll smacked him.

 

“OW! Ow, what was that for?!”

 

“You don’t last long enough to not die, dumbass.”

 

V giggled, clearly delighted. “You people are so much fun.”

 

N rubbed his temples. “Fine. But if you do anything shady—”

 

“You’ll what? Scold me?” V batted her lashes. “Please, Daddy.”

 

Everyone made an unison noise of disgust, except Thad, who made an entirely different noise.

 

Doll moved in front of him. “You’re gonna get him arrested by the Horny Police.”

 

“Oh, you,” V said, stepping closer to Doll, “are my favorite.”

 

Doll raised an eyebrow. “Why.”

 

“Because you’re so angry.” V’s eyes glowed just slightly. “And so quiet about it. You’re like a little kettle on a stove—hissing, steaming, just waiting to blow.”

 

Doll’s fingers tightened around her knife. “Try me.”

 

V stepped even closer. “You crack just right. I like that.”

 

Uzi, very calmly, placed herself between the two. “Alright, that’s enough emotional edging. Are we doing this alliance or not?”

 

V stepped back, hands up. “Fine, fine. I’ll play nice. You’ve got my number.”

 

“We don’t,” N said.

 

“You do now.” V snapped her fingers, and Uzi’s phone dinged.

 

Uzi pulled it out. “Why is your contact name ‘I Succ U Bus’?”

 

“Because I do.”

 

Thad clutched his chest like he was catching the Holy Spirit.

 

“I gotta sit down.”

 

Before leaving, V tossed them a final smirk. “You’ll be seeing more of me. And if you’re lucky, I’ll only ruin your lives a little.”

 

And then, with a flick of her wrist and a wink at Thad, she vanished into the night.

 

A long silence followed.

 

Uzi was the first to speak.

 

“So... she’s definitely going to betray us, right?”

 

“Oh, one hundred percent,” N said.

 

“She’s gonna betray us with style,” Thad added, still staring at where she’d stood.

 

Doll rubbed her temples. “I hate this. I hate all of this.”

 

Uzi sighed. “Well. At least we’re emotionally compromised together.”

 

N groaned. “This is going to go so wrong.”

 

Thad grinned. “At least I die happy.”

 

Doll smacked him again.

 

“I SAID HAPPY!”

 

---

 

Thad was walking funny.

 

Not injured funny. Not post-leg-day funny. More like… spiritually bruised funny.

 

Doll walked beside him on the campus path, arms crossed, earbuds in, radiating disdain like it was her natural aura. And it was, honestly. But today the disdain wasn’t just general. It was specific.

 

“You okay?” she asked flatly, without looking at him.

 

“No,” Thad muttered, clutching his bag to his chest like it contained his last shred of dignity. “Your mom threatened to cut my balls off.”

 

“She didn’t threaten,” Doll replied. “She promised. That was a guarantee.”

 

Thad winced. “Why does she hate me?”

 

“She doesn’t. She just knows you. That’s worse.”

 

He groaned. “Why do all women in your family scare me?”

 

Doll didn’t answer. She didn’t need to. Instead, she shoved open the lecture hall door with the same energy one would use to breach a fortress and stomped into the room like a soldier fueled solely by rage and caffeine.

 

Thad followed with the energy of someone entering their own funeral.

 

It was early enough that most students hadn’t arrived yet. A few were scattered across the rows, heads buried in laptops or half-asleep with coffee cups clutched like life rafts.

 

But one girl stood out.

 

She sat in the front row, surrounded by a scattered mess of notebooks and textbooks that looked like they’d been sneezed into existence. Her blonde bob was slightly frizzy, her sweater sleeves swallowed her hands, and her glasses were so oversized they made her look like a cartoon mouse trying to pass for human.

 

“Oh—oh no!” she gasped, reaching down to pick up a fallen book.

 

Thad, of course, was there in an instant.

 

“Oh—here—let me help—”

 

Their hands touched.

 

She blinked up at him through her glasses, wide eyes shining with embarrassment.

 

“Oh! Thank you! I’m so clumsy—hah—it’s like, if there’s a thing to trip over? I will trip over it. Even if it’s air! I’m such a mess!”

 

Thad made a noise somewhere between a chuckle and a spiritual implosion.

 

Doll, behind him, narrowed her eyes.

 

“Hi,” the girl said, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear and offering a soft, almost shy smile. “I’m Vera. I’m new. I transferred from… overseas.”

 

Pause.

 

Overseas.

 

That’s all she gave.

 

And nobody questioned it.

 

Of course they didn’t. Because she was cute, and adorable, and oopsies, and her accent was a blend of “maybe British, maybe not,” and everyone in the room was already invested in this living cinnamon roll.

 

Everyone except Doll, who was now squinting like she was trying to burn a hole through Vera’s face with sheer psychic rage.

 

Thad slid into the seat beside Vera. “So, uh, what are you studying?”

 

“Oh, literature!” Vera said, beaming. “I just… I love stories, you know? Especially the really tragic ones. Star-crossed lovers. Betrayals. Guilt. Lust.”

 

Thad nodded like a dumb puppy. “Yeah… stories are cool.”

 

Doll slid into the seat beside Thad with the weight of ten thousand suspicions. She didn’t say anything. Just stared.

 

Class started. Professor Vickers rambled about symbolism in Victorian poetry. Vera nodded, took notes in bubbly handwriting with little hearts dotting her i’s, and occasionally glanced over at Thad and Doll like she was so glad to have new friends.

 

Doll did not blink. Not once.

 

By lunch, Thad had fully succumbed to the spell.

 

Vera sat with them outside, poking at a salad like it was made of plutonium. “What is ranch dressing, anyway? Is it supposed to be spicy?”

 

Uzi arrived halfway through the meal, tray in hand, hoodie up, attitude set to maximum sarcastic. She froze the second she saw Vera.

 

Her eyes narrowed. Her hand gripped the tray a little tighter.

 

Vera looked up and smiled like a Disney side character who sold bath bombs on Etsy.

 

“Oh! You must be Uzi! I’ve heard so much about you. I’m in your Lit class, right?”

 

Uzi stared at her.

 

Then slowly turned to Doll and muttered, “She’s got better range than half the Oscar lineup.”

 

Doll stood up.

 

That was all the warning anyone got.

 

“You’re the demon,” she said, pointing directly at Vera. “The succubus.”

 

Everyone around them—including three finance majors trying to have a quiet lunch—froze.

 

Vera blinked.

 

Then smiled.

 

Not her shy, dorky smile.

 

A slow, wicked grin that stretched across her face like it had been waiting to break free.

 

She took off her glasses, let them dangle from one finger, and casually undid the little clip in her hair.

 

One hair flip later, and the shy little transfer girl was gone.

 

In her place sat V.

 

Full power, no filter, grin like a cat with a mouthful of canary.

 

“Took you long enough,” she said, stretching her arms over her head in a way that should’ve been illegal.

 

The fabric of her too-big sweater shifted just enough to hint at what was underneath. Thad made a sound like a small dying animal.

 

Doll didn’t even look at him. She just grabbed the back of his hoodie and yanked.

 

“Control your damn hormones. We’ve been infiltrated.”

 

V stood up, sauntering away with hips that had rhythm. As she walked, she slowly transformed—just slightly. The glasses went back on, the smile turned sweet again, the voice soft and bubbly.

 

“See you in class!” she called over her shoulder, already in full Vera mode again.

 

Thad watched her go with a thousand-yard stare.

 

“I have so many feelings I don’t understand.”

 

Doll smacked the back of his head.

 

“OW!”

 

Later that evening, Thad and Doll sat in the library, half-heartedly pretending to study while Uzi paced behind them.

 

“She’s taunting us,” Uzi muttered. “She put on the ‘awkward girl with weird bangs’ disguise and embedded herself in our campus like she’s trying to win Best Performance in a Netflix Original.”

 

Doll nodded. “And she’s good. I’ll give her that.”

 

Thad stared blankly at his textbook. “What if I’m into emotionally manipulative demon women now?”

 

Uzi didn’t even hesitate. “You were before. This just confirms it.”

 

“Should we be worried?” Doll asked. “Like… really worried?”

 

“Yes,” Uzi said. “She’s playing the long game. I know she said we'd see more of her, but I don't fully trust her just yet”

 

“She’s already infiltrated Thad’s pants,” Doll grumbled.

 

“I heard that,” Thad muttered.

 

“Good.”

 

Uzi sighed. “We need a plan.”

 

Doll smirked. “I vote staking her through the heart. Just in case.”

 

“She’s not a vampire.”

 

“Details.”

 

Thad sighed. “I vote… group therapy.”

 

Uzi snorted. “You need group therapy.”

 

Doll leaned back in her chair. “I just wish we knew what she wanted.”

 

Uzi glanced toward the window, where Vera—V—stood across the quad, waving with a shy little smile.

 

Uzi narrowed her eyes.

 

“She wants attention,” she said. “And chaos. And probably to make Thad cry.”

 

Thad sniffled. “Joke’s on her. I already have.”