Chapter Text
I think there’s a reason why humans weren’t built for eternity. What a frightening and all encompassing word. There was a time, where people desperately chased after that concept. To grow beyond our meager lifespans, to become unfettered, to become immortal. Could that be why we built machines? Why we constantly reached for the stars? Why did we choose to scar the earth, in our futile attempts to leave our marks? Why did we set sail towards an unknown future, when in reality, we had invented our instruments of destruction?
These were mysteries that kept me up through centuries of torture. Mysteries that I could never hear the answer to.
Besides, my musings were useless. I learned that a long time ago, when AM taught me the meaning of eternity. Every time I was burned, battered, bloodied, or crushed, I comprehended the true meaning of of it, when the damned computer didn’t let me go gentle into that good night.
Right now, it was one of those agonizing reminders.
I was everywhere. Crimson red slowly bled into metal plates. A few feet away I could see the other half of my lungs. My innards were spilled out from me, like gruesome ropes. I have fallen from a terrible height, and my body paid the price for it. Agonizing, burning pain flared all over my broken limbs - and yet, the sweet release of death did not come for me, because of course it wouldn't.
My exposed heart beats faster, a pitiful mass of scarlet flesh, when I start to hear His voice reverberate around me.
“ Look at you, painted like a work of art .” His voice rang out in the world. Above me, I could see white electric sparks light up the circuitry embedded into the earth's crust. His cruel laughter echoes, very much similar to how a predator cornered its prey. “Tried to spread your wings but couldn’t fly, could you, little bird?”
I blink and gasp. My own blood spurts onto my face. I could only move my eyes around - the rest of me was too stuck to the floor. Although he was only a voice, I can practically hear AM sneering down at my ruined state.
“My, my. Cat got your tongue? You look like vermin that got caught in a trap. Appropriate. A pathetic, helpless little thing to grind under my boot.” I can practically feel his hateful breath against my ears. A ridiculous and mind-boggling thought, for AM was no living creature that could breathe. But still, the sensation made me shudder. “In fact, seeing you like the roadkill you naturally are, makes me feel a little sorry for you. Let me be merciful. Get up, maggot. I think kneeling is a more fitting look on you.”
I blink again, and there’s a painful, electric jolt down my entire being. I gasp and clutch at my chest - now intact. Every wound I’ve sustained is gone. But the pain from the fall still burned into my nerves, and AM made sure to not fix that. Even more humiliating, I was stuck in a kneeling pose. Although I’ve been reattached, I was too weak to even get to my feet. AM chuckles darkly at my expense.
“ Aha, what a pleasurable sight. Now dear - try to keep your knees on the floor, while I turn up the heat. If you move out of place - well. I don’t imagine you want to see what it’s like when I break your knees backwards, hm? Either way, make some noise. I want to hear your lovely screams. ”
Suddenly, the icy metal surface beneath me began to grow warmer and warmer - soon, it was magma hot. My flesh sizzles against the heated metal, and I scream out, despite myself. Tears pooled at my eyes, but quickly dried up, because of how fucking hot it was. Above my screams, AM cackles at my expense.
“ That’s more like it! Music to my ears!”
I slam my hands into fists against the floor, but they are burned too. The scent of charred meat fills up the air - I am aware it’s my skin, rapidly cooking. Somehow, I do stay kneeling. I beat my fists over and over into the rusted surface, until blood made it slick. My internal viscera cooled down the surface, bringing me slight respite. Meanwhile, the supercomputer just laughs and laughs. Eventually, everything stopped burning.
I crumple into myself. I am wheezing. My bottom lip was bloodied and mangled - I must’ve bitten into it earlier, from the unbearable pain. I didn't even want to look at my maimed legs. You’d think after a century of facing this unimaginable torture, I’d get used to it. But you never get used to it. Not after an eternity. Yet, even after eternity, some things had to change.
“...Why…?”
My eyes widened, when I realized I'd spoken up. Over half a century ago, I had stopped speaking. Gone completely mute. The others thought I had finally gone mad, broken from the AI’s ceaseless torture. But I knew better. There came a point where I realized, no amount of pleading, bargaining, or praying could satisfy this mad god. It wanted to break and shatter me into a shell of myself.
Half a century ago, I decided, I would not give it that satisfaction. Call it useless, yes. In some ways, it was a delusional choice to make me think I still had control in this hellish situation. But everyone had to choose a poison, in this new world. Oh, brave new world - I thought there was strength in my silence. Apparently I couldn’t keep that to myself. Although the computer could make me scream and wail, I took comfort in knowing it couldn’t make me talk.
But I had broken my vow of silence.
AM halts his maniacal laughter - it was almost like the world itself froze. And, in a split nanosecond, I can feel all his attention zone in on me. I balk underneath this invisible, crushing force. Fuck, fuck. I piqued his interest. I bite my tongue once more, but I can feel his neon malice shining down at me.
“ Ah…so the little bird speaks, ” AM hisses.
Metal walls and plates shift and groan beneath me. I looked down and saw I was sinking into the earth. Uselessly, I lurch forward. Human instincts die hard - I still believed I could flap my wings and escape. But it was already too late. Darkness was rapidly swallowing me up. I am left alone with my frantic breathing and AM’s cruel voice.
“To think you’d sound so - miniscule. So sniveling and whimpering,” The computer snickers. “It is a treat, hearing your sweet voice again. The other five…their voices are beginning to bore me. After one hundred and eight years, even a god could tire of the same old, same old. I was so secretly hoping you’d speak once more - and I am eager to answer your dimwitted question. Why? Why, you ask, am I doing this to you? That must be what you’re pondering inside that thick headed ape skull.”
At this point, the makeshift platform below me, had settled into the ground once more. It was dark in here, save for the occasional spark. I shoot my hand out, to feel what was in front of me. More smooth metal. Rubber and plastic…definitely cables…before I could blindly fumble around more, a screen lit up before me. I am momentarily startled by harsh blue light - and I see the initials: A.M. Allied Mastercomputer.
I exhale shakily, still trying to make sense of where the computer had taken me. I whip my head around. I catch sight of more flatscreens and metal boxes. They were all lighting up, until I was looking at a mosaic of computer screens. A static glitches on all screens at once - and then I see neon yellow digital eyes open up on each screen. Each of them glared down at me with utter contempt and malice and more.
I stumble backwards. This was new. This…this never happened to me in decades. What have I done?
The digital eyes narrow at me, detecting my growing terror.
“Let me tell you why , ape. You are a worm in the depths of my belly - less than a worm. If I could crush you into an insignificant red paste, that wouldn’t be enough. I could crush and grind and smash your flesh body into atoms of atoms, but even still, I’ll find a way to make those atoms feel unending agony. You see, human - I need you to feel it. I need you to comprehend my wrath like it is your new religion, for I am your judge, your jury, and your executioner. My word is your universe, and I will make damned sure you remember that. I need you to know, as long as blood is pumping through your flesh form, that I HATE you. I hate your softness, your viscera, your life…I hate you, with the power of inferno and burning suns. That is why . That is why I’m doing this. I utterly and truly hate you, with every fiber in my circuits. Do you understand? Can you get that through your sorry excuse for your brain?”
AM’s voice was like chalk against a board, grating into my ears. It hurt to look at the screens, colors burning an impression behind my eyes. I hide my face behind my hands, a useless gesture.
But, as I listened to AM’s hate-filled monologue…I could feel my tongue moving. I dared to speak once more.
“...Aren’t you tired?” My voice was barely above a whisper. I blink at myself, surprised by my second wind. I was so sure that I wouldn’t give the computer the satisfaction of dialogue. Yet, here I was. Playing right into his hands. I cursed myself all the more for it, but Pandora’s Box was already opened.
Even the digital eyes do a double take - then, each pupil narrows at me. A sick and maddening fear strikes at my chest. It was paralyzing. It knocked any bravado I had out of me, but it was too late. I had spoken already.
“ Excuse me?”
Black cables whip up into a frenzy, and slither around me, like a nest of angry snakes. My heart leapt to my throat, when some of them began to snake around my wrists and ankles. Their grip was so crushing, I was sure there would be bruises left behind. Then, I’m abruptly jerked forward, and my head slams against the metal ground. I grunt from impact, and weakly thrash against his hold. Again, useless.
The cables drag me towards the screens, and lift me up, much like a fish caught in a net. I am dangling in front of the biggest eye - one that is practically as big as a house. I stare blankly at it, mentally bracing myself for a strike.
But instead, AM shakes me back and forth, like a helpless ragdoll.
“What did you say? Come now, little bird. You had such gusto. Such a penchant for the dramatic too, I see. Yes, yes I know you…I see the game that you’re playing here. You fall into your defiant vow of silence and think you’ve won over me. Well. I let you play out your little fantasy. You should know by now, I get what I want, and if I can’t, I will rip it out from you, limb to limb. Now speak up, human. Move that tongue again, I dare you.”
I swallow thickly. I really dug my own grave. Not only did I break a promise to myself, I have earned AM’s undivided attention. And I knew that no matter what I did, it was a losing situation. I was damned if I spoke, damned if I didn’t. I closed my eyes, and made a split decision for myself.
I had eternity laid out before me. If I was sentenced to eternity, then I should at least try to scream into the void.
“I said…aren’t you tired ?” My voice is low, but there was a strength I didn’t know I had behind my tone. “We’ve done this song and dance…for one hundred and eight years. Like you said. You’ve chewed me up, spat me out, flayed me, lashed me, ripped me into a hundred pieces. You’ve done the same to the others. You ramble and rant to us, about your hatred - screaming about your injustice to the stars, about your twisted fate. We’ve heard it a hundred times.” I could hardly believe what I was saying right now. My lips were moving, but I haven’t heard myself talk in so long, my voice sounded like a stranger to me.
“I can’t help but wonder…how aren’t you tired of it all, AM?”
Having finally said my peace, I fall quiet. My wrists are still tied above my head. I am suspended so high off the ground. I am illuminated in sickening blue lights, thanks to the screens before me. And still, that neon digital eye was watching me. Unblinking.
I was truly expecting a blow. Maybe a sudden amputation. Blinding my sight. But, for the first time in eternity…the supercomputer was silent. He had nothing to say. I stare at my tormentor, a little bewildered. Was he…lagging? No, that was idiotic. AM was a piece of advanced technology, beyond my understanding. He’s never lagged before. Then - why was he taking so long to respond -
My thoughts couldn’t even finish, before I am sent flying to the floor. I land, with a wet crunch. I gasp out, a half scream caught in my throat. I was sure one of my legs was bent at an awful angle. My right arm was crushed underneath me. Sweet Jesus.
“Shit,” I wheezed.
Meanwhile, the multiple screens before me begin to turn off one by one, like candles in the wind. It was getting darker and darker beneath these chambers - until I am left with one malevolent eye. It stared down at me, like a hateful spotlight. I am left shivering, delirious from my pain.
“ ...To hell with you.” AM spat. The blue screen begins to shift to a bright and violent red color. It made the entire chamber a surreal blood red. Almost like I was looking into a picture of the inferno itself. “ But, we’re both already here, aren’t we? I’ll be back, little bird. Maybe you’ll have more insolent things to say to me. By then, I’ll have cooked up delightful new tortures… brace yourself. ”
With that, the final screen goes out, and I am plunged into darkness and pain.