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I’m dying. I know that. I’ve gotten old and all this time I’ve been looking for someone, my boy, Billy. He was only 16 when he left and all the while I watched him go, I thought “Why are you going alone? Take me with you”. At the same time, I knew why he was leaving down that road, kicking rocks as he disappeared into the rain. I was happy that he was going somewhere to be safer, leaving home. I was sad but hopeful for my boy. I'll miss his kisses and his pats, but I’ll survive.
Some people say that home is safety but if that’s the case I guess this house was never home for me nor Billy, that same night he left the old man came home. He was angry, I could tell. He started throwing things like usual but unlike his normal drunken stupor, he was very sober and much more dangerous, that’s when he turned his focus to me, he chased me with a knife out of the house and into the street. And I ran I ran so far and fast I almost got hit but it wasn’t me that splattered on the ground in front of the Ute with people shrieking and covering their eyes, but I was the one that kept running—goodbye old man.
I kept running for four days until I collapsed and the side of the highway. It was exhausting the only thing that was keeping me alive was the adrenaline but that can’t keep you going forever. This was it I was never going to see him again. Never see the way his eyes crinkled when he faintly smiled, never feel his hand softly brushing my fur and I’ll never hear the way his voice lifted when he’d call my name when he got home from school. That was what I thought until I heard the voices of a couple arguing, something about photos and jobs but they picked me up and gave me some water helped me warm up too then they argued again the tall, loud one wanted to keep me but the smaller, unimpressed one said that they should leave me and didn’t have time for this, the argument ended in a compromise saying that they’d drop me off at the nearest town, some place called Benderat.
On the car ride, they argued a lot, probably more than a normal couple but it was mostly playful, and you could tell that they loved each other unlike the old man and his partner. They argued too, all the time but it was filled with so much spite and hatred you’d wonder why they were even living together, why they said they loved each other and then she left, just like Billy. I don’t blame her, but I’d wish she’d taken Billy with her maybe then he’d be happier and maybe then I wouldn’t be closing my eyes, exhausted from this chase to find my boy.
The couple did end up keeping me, they kept me for the 6 months that they were in Benderat, and life was nice. The tall one was playful and would buy snacks and toys and run around with me though people outside didn’t seem to understand him when he spoke and gave him weird looks when he took me on walks with the other one. I liked the other one, he was much quieter and didn’t smile as much but he would let me sleep on the bed with them and he would always take so many pictures of me and the loud one and that’s when he would beam seemingly proud of us which made me feel good as well. I loved living with them, but they had to go back home and I still missed my boy, and they could see that, so they dropped me off at a shelter right before they left. The tall one was bawling their eyes and hugging me, the other one had to pry him from me but even in his eyes, I could see faint tears on my leaving. And I watched them leave. More people left me as I was taken to a cage to be put alongside all the other poor dogs who didn’t have a home.
It's always cold at night. I’ve been here for years, and it is always so cold at night sometimes I think the workers do it on purpose because the teens get a kick out of provoking us. They’d stick their fingers at us, yelling at us, scaring us, trying to get a reaction ‘till one day, they did. The dog next to me is a big guy and a biter. One day the kids were sticking their fingers in and yelling obscene things at him, filming him and he bit back, hard. Served you right you bugger. They screamed and rushed away to yell at the workers who came back to yell at us. That night they made everything real cold and took the big guy out of his cage and to a truck. While he was away, I thought maybe when they bring him back, I'll bite the workers so maybe they’ll let me go so I can find Billy ‘til I realized, they would never come back with the big guy ever again. I won't bite ever. I don’t want to be taken to a truck.
This is where I had to leave, I was old and old dogs don’t stick around for long. As they put me in the back of a truck and started moving, I could see the town for one last time. I saw the train yard with its rickety cars and the town square with the school near the library. And as I lay down preparing to leave with thoughts of my boy in my mind, I saw the white house. It was small and nice with a veranda and a family was outside. The mother was lying down on a deck chair as she watched her small child run around. The daughter had a spaceship in her hand as she attempted to climb a tree, but the father stopped her and picked her up instead and there he was, my boy. I was ecstatic as I closed my eyes and started sobbing because I had finally found my boy.