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Lan Qiren spoke without shame. Completely against the rules.
"I knew from the beginning that boy would become no good. A consistent rule-breaker, and utterly against everything cultivation has stood for across generations."
Another elder spoke up.
"It truly is no shock one such as him would go down a dishonorable path. I can't say I feel much grief regarding his demise."
Anger burned behind Lan Wangji's eyes as he stared at his two elders.
"Is there something you would like to say, Lan Zhan?" Lan Qiren spoke up, taking notice of the slight difference in Lan Wangji's expression.
"How dare you speak ill of the dead..." He muttered coldly. "Wei Ying was neither dishonorable, nor no good. He was a kind man, filled with potential and intelligence you all refused to see. Your disrespect of his character is unsightly." Lan Wangji's tone carried an amount of anger and disrespect that was uncharacteristic of not only him, but of any member of the Lan clan.
"Lan Zhan, it is against the rules to disrespect your elders in such a way." Lan Qiren replied distastefully.
"But it is not against the rules to speak poorly behind one's back? Is it not against the rules to boast on victory? It seems as though-" His sentence was cut short.
"Silence, Lan Zhan!" Lan Qiren snapped. "You are arrogant to think you are in a position to condemn anyone after what happened three years ago. Thirty-three elders harmed, and yet you still haven't learned your lesson. Go meditate and reflect on your actions before you begin rewriting our rules. If lashings won't teach you anything, surely some self-reflection in solitude might."
Lan Wangji shoved the table in front of him as he stood, storming out of the meeting he had been so desperately inquired to sit in for. How dare they speak so unkindly of Wei Ying? Sure, he was shameless and lacked discipline, but he was not the monster everyone made him out to be. He was kind, selfless, and smart. He gave every bit of himself to those he loved. Why could no one see him for the man he truly was? Even after death, the misjudgement of Wei Ying's character persisted. It enraged Lan Zhan.
Lan Wangji knew exactly what was expected of him. He got himself prepared to meditate, completely shut out from worldly distractions. In a completely silent, lone hut on the far edge of the Cloud Recesses sat a room dedicated for isolated meditation. He wrapped the cloth meant for a blindfold around his eyes, covered his ears with the supplies provided, and sat in complete solitude to meditate until he was retrieved for further punishment.
It didn't take long for the same memories that replayed in his nightmares to begin coming back.
He thinks back to his childhood with Wei Ying; their fights and bickering, the constant teasing and pestering he was subject to at the hands of his late friend. He realized quite early on that his feelings for Wei Ying were something akin to a crush, and yet he ignored them. Just one of his many regrets.
Then, he remembers the Xuanwu of Slaughter. Wei Wuxian risked his life to save Lan Zhan's, and yet, he never properly thanked him. Tears filled Lan Wangji's blindfolded eyes. He had so many opportunities to tell Wei Ying how much he loved him. But he never did properly.
As his memories continue, he thinks of the end of the Sunshot Campaign. "Come back to Gusu with me," he had said. But what he really meant was "Wei Ying, I love you. Wei Ying, I need you. Wei Ying, please don't leave me." "Wei Ying, come home with me."
Sadly, no one understood what he meant underneath those words. Something he, logically, should've been punished for, had he been home. He long since decided to forgo many of his stifling rules, though. Maybe Wei Ying was a bad influence on him, after all. But was it all that bad if it brought Lan Zhan freedom?
Everything only went downhill from that moment.
Everyone turned their backs on Wei Ying. In a way, so did Lan Wangji. Instead of criticizing Wei Ying for his cultivation, he should've told him why he was so worried. He would've understood. If he had just said how he felt, how much he loved and cherished his dear Wei Ying, maybe he wouldn't have ended up...
Sobs wracked Lan Zhan's body. Guilt took him over completely as he doubled over, his forehead to the cold ground beneath him. For hours, he cried in anguish. His fists pounded against the stone floor. Why did it have to be Wei Ying? A dark though crossed Lan Wangji's mind.
It should've been me.