Work Text:
You have one new message.
Beep.
“Hey, uh, this is Matt. Can you do me a favor? I know you’re always busy, and I know you have that research of yours taking up most of your time, but I just, uh, I need your help. Well, actually, Anthony needs your help. It’s been two months, man, and he’s still not better. We’ve been worried about him. Mari’s been talking to Anthony about possibly getting scheduled for some therapy sessions, and I guess she’s been wearing him down, because just a while ago he told us he was starting to open up to the possibility of going to therapy sessions.”
“Anyway, he says he doesn’t like the idea of talking to a practical stranger, and we get that, we really do, but it’s not like Anthony’s friends with any psychologist. I know you though, and he knows me, so maybe that’s enough? I haven’t talked to him about going to you for therapy yet because I haven’t asked if it’s fine with you that I do send him to you, but come on man, please. We’re desperate here. You always talk about the new tech your clinic’s getting, and though I don’t really know much about this tech because you can’t talk about it in detail, I’m hoping this tech will be able to help Anthony.”
A pause.
“Give me a call, okay? Thanks.”
Beep.
Message saved.
-.-.-.-
From the Los Angeles Times, 15th of March 2020:
One Half of Beloved Comedic Duo Lost to Tragic Accident
Ryan Todd, known as one of the creators of Smosh, one of Youtube’s leading channels, was caught in a fatal accident on the Santa Ana Freeway. On March 14, at 1:23 a.m., responders found four cars blocking half the road due to the serious accident. Five people were injured from the accident and were immediately brought to St. Joseph Hospital for further observation. Three died from the accident, including Todd.
Autopsy shows that Todd died from serious head trauma. From security camera feeds, it appears that Cristopher Paine, one of the three people who died in the accident, was going 140 miles per hour and had rear-ended Todd.
Todd, aged 32, served as co-creator, co-writer, and co-producer of the Smosh brand with his best friend Anthony Padilla. Anthony Padilla and other executives of the brand have not released a statement, though other members of the cast have posted on various social media sites about the tragic event.
Investigations are still on-going.
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
CLIENT INFORMATION
Client Code: C280916
Social Security Number: XXX-XX-4366
Name: Padilla, Anthony
Age: 32
Gender: Male
Date of Birth: September 16, 1987
Home Address: 717 W Olympic Blvd, #1007, Los Angeles, CA, 90015
Phone Number: 310-425-9940
Interests: video games, internet, youtube, cats, nature, photography, tv shows, movies, space, nature, travel
EMERGENCY CONTACT
Name: Mari Takahashi
Phone Number: 310-255-6482
THERAPIST
Therapist Code: T271130
Name: Ian Hecox, PSY.D.
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\LOBBY\CAM1\2020.06.08\1201-2400
{UNCLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
<COMMAND: FAST-FORWARD>
{16:37:05}
[Unknown enters]
[Unknown approaches reception desk]
Unknown: Hey, uh, is Dr. Sohinki here?
Moat: Yeah. Do you have an appointment with him?
[Unknown nods]
Moat: All right. Name?
Unknown: [hesitates] Uh, Padilla? Anthony Padilla?
[Moat checks schedule]
Moat: okay. I’ll call for him. In the meantime, why don’t you take a seat over there and fill these forms for me?
[Moat gives Unknown application forms]
[Unknown walks to couch in reception area]
[Unknown sits down and starts filling forms]
[Sohinki appears in lobby from office]
Sohinki: Hey Anthony! I’m glad you made it. How are you today?
Unknown: Hi. You’re Sohinki’s brother?
[Sohinki nods and walks to couch]
Sohinki: Yeah. Given how long you’ve been friends, I’m actually a little surprised that you and I haven’t met.
[Unknown chuckles awkwardly]
Sohinki: So Melanie has given you the forms to fill out. Why don’t you take those forms with you to my office? We’ll have to talk about your options, and I have more papers for you to read and sign once you’ve decided on whether or not you want the treatment my clinic offers.
Unknown: Okay.
Sohinki: All right. My office is this way.
[Unknown stands up]
[Sohinki walks to corridor]
[Unknown follows]
<COMMAND: DELETE RECORDING?>
<N>
-.-.-.-
Anthony. I’m worried about you.
-Mari T. (2:47 a.m. 03/17/2020)
Anthony, pick up your phone. Please.
-Mari T. (2:58 a.m. 03/17/2020)
I’m coming over there if you don’t answer your phone. I mean it.
-Mari T. (3:06 a.m. 03/17/2020)
Don’t. I’m fine.
-Anthony P. (3:08 a.m. 03/17/2020)
No you’re not. I know you. And I don’t blame you, either.
-Mari T. (3:09 a.m. 03/17/2020)
Okay. Say I’m not okay. What do you want me to do?
-Anthony P. (3:10 a.m. 03/17/2020)
For starters, I would like you to pick up your phone. I want to talk to you. This sort of thing can’t be talked about over text.
-Mari T. (3:12 a.m. 03/17/2020)
I don’t want to talk about it.
-Anthony P. (3:13 a.m. 03/17/2020)
Not talking about it isn’t going to do anything.
-Mari T. (3:13 a.m. 03/17/2020)
And talking about it is going to do something? It’s 3 am. Leave me alone, Mari.
-Anthony P. (3:14 a.m. 03/17/2020)
I’m just worried about you, Anthony.
-Mari T. (3:15 a.m. 03/17/2020)
I know, and I appreciate that. But please, just leave me alone. I don’t think I’m up for talking right now.
-Anthony P. (3:17 a.m. 03/17/2020)
All right. But I’m going to your apartment later and I’m going to cook you breakfast. I don’t like the idea of you in that apartment alone. Get some sleep.
-Mari T. (3:18 a.m. 03/17/2020)
Thanks.
-Anthony P. (3:19 a.m. 03/17/2020)
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\SOHINKI_OFFICE\CAM1\2020.06.08\1201-2400
{UNCLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
<COMMAND: FAST-FORWARD>
{16:50:17}
[Sohinki enters office]
[Unknown enters office]
[Sohinki walks to seat behind desk]
[Sohinki sits down]
[Unknown closes door]
[Unknown sits on chair in front of desk]
Sohinki: Be honest with me. Do you really want to be here?
[Unknown hesitates]
Unknown: [sighs] No. Yes. I don’t know.
[Sohinki blinks, then nods]
Unknown: I’m sorry. I’m gonna go. [stands up from seat] Sorry for wasting your time, uh…
Sohinki: Daniel. Please call me Daniel. And you’re really not wasting my time, Anthony. Will you please sit back down? If you’re not sure about being here, I can at least help you make a decision.
Unknown: [inhales sharply] Okay. Uh, yeah, okay. [sits down]
Sohinki: Okay. I respect that you’re not sure you want to undergo therapy here, or anywhere, for that matter. Is it fine with you if I talk to you about what you’re going to have to do if you do decide to take me up on my offer, though? I just want to make sure that you know what I’m offering here, as well as what the documents you’re going to have to read and submit are if you do choose to accept my offer.
Unknown: [nods] Yeah, okay. Sure.
Sohinki: Feel free to stop me anytime if you really think this isn’t the option for you, okay?
[Unknown nods]
Sohinki: I’m going to try and make this as short and precise as possible. Basically, I’m offering therapy sessions with one of my psychotherapists in the clinic.
Unknown: [surprised] You’re not going to be, uh, in charge of me, or something?
Sohinki: [shakes head] No. Even though I know you would prefer to talk to someone you personally know, I think you’re not particularly happy with the idea of talking to me.
Unknown: Why wouldn’t I be?
Sohinki: Well, you don’t really know me personally. And I can see that you’re hesitant to talk to me because I’m much closer to your friend—who is my brother, so that’s understandable—than to you. Basically, you don’t really know me. You only know of me. Does that make sense?
Unknown: [blinks] Uh, yeah, actually. [pauses] Sorry.
Sohinki: It’s fine. Understandable, really.
Unknown: So, uh, say I do accept your offer. Who’s going to be, uh, in charge of me? Who’s the shrink?
Sohinki: Well, I’m still going to have to figure that out yet. Don’t worry, though, all of my, uh, colleagues are very capable and highly-skilled.
[Unknown nods]
Sohinki: So those papers in your hands are just basic application forms given to you by Melanie, yes? If you choose to participate, I’m going to have to give you some more forms to read and fill out, ranging from personality questionnaires to consent forms.
Unkown: Consent forms?
Sohinki: This approach to Psychotherapy is still relatively new. It’s not too far off from different types of Psychotherapy like Interpersonal Therapy and Cognitive Behavior Therapy, but we are focusing much more on the humanistic school of thought here, so your individual sessions with your therapist have a decidedly great weight as to your growth.
Unkown: How new is this, uh, thing?
Sohinki: Very new. It’s still in its early stages. The consent forms are needed because this is a research I’m conducting.
Unknown: Uh.
Sohinki: I’m going to let you think about your options, okay? But before that, let me talk about this first.
Unknown: Okay.
Sohinki: Thank you.
[Sohinki opens desk drawer and pulls out brown folder]
Sohinki: [hands folder to Unknown] Here. It’s the finer details of my study. This study is mainly concerned with, as I said before, a relatively new approach to Psychotherapy, and just how effective this new approach to Psychotherapy is. What mainly differentiates this approach to others, you see, are important variables such as the technology used, as well as the time frame. Unlike other sessions, the sessions you will be having with one of my therapists are not timed and are not defined by strict scheduling.
Unknown: I don’t know…
Sohinki: Please. Just think about it. The papers concerning the study are all there. Let me just give you some more of the paperwork, and just think about it. If you think this will be good for you, just read the documents, fill out and sign the forms, and submit them to me. If you don’t think this is good for you, then just don’t show up.
[Unknown sighs]
[Sohinki grabs folder from cabinet behind desk]
[Sohinki sits down]
Sohinki: [hands folder to Unknown] Look, just think about it. If you have any questions, don’t hesitate to call me.
[Sohinki reaches into pocket and hands Unknown a business card]
Unknown: [nods] Okay. I, uh…okay. Sure.
[Unknown stands up]
Sohinki: It was nice meeting you, Anthony.
Unknown: You too, Daniel.
[Unknown leaves office]
<COMMAND: DELETE RECORDING?>
<N>
-.-.-.-
February 6, 2020
Michael F. Bartlett, M.D
President
Research and Development Division
Bartlett International Clinics
Dear Dr. Bartlett,
I would like to formally thank you for choosing my application for the grant. I understand that there were limited slots and that there were thousands—if not tens of thousands—of other innovative researches that were after the grant the prestigious Bartlett International Clinics is offering, and the knowledge that I am one of ten recipients makes me feel incredibly proud, as well as honored.
Psychotherapy is a broader and more intricate field of study now than ever before, and to be able to be given the chance to contribute to its growth not only through clinical work, but through laboratory research as well is a privilege I have been lucky enough to have gotten.
Thank you for this wonderful opportunity. I look forward to working with you.
Sincerely,
Daniel Sohinki, M.D, Psy.D.
-.-.-.-
I’m worried about Anthony.
-Mari T. (3:25 a.m. 03/17/2020)
I know. He’s allowed to grieve, Mari. The funeral was just yesterday.
-Matt S. (3:30 a.m. 03/17/2020)
Yeah, I know that. It’s just that, yesterday, he looked like he hadn’t been getting some rest. Maybe one of us should stay with him at his apartment for a few days/weeks?
-Mari T. (3:33 a.m. 03/17/2020)
I know you’re trying to help, Mari, but I think that’s not the best way to do so. Anthony probably won’t appreciate us being in his personal space. If anything, he’s probably going to want to be alone for a few days.
-Matt S. (3:36 a.m. 03/17/2020)
I don’t feel fine knowing that Anthony’s going to have to stay in that apartment alone.
-Mari T. (3:37 a.m. 03/17/2020)
I know. But if you want to do things like these, you should ask him first. He probably won’t like you making his decisions for him.
-Matt S. (3:38 a.m. 03/17/2020)
Okay. You’re right. Thank you.
-Mari T. (3:38 a.m. 03/17/2020)
-.-.-.-
Smosh (@Smosh)
We miss you already, @_Ryan_Todd_. We hope you’re happy, wherever you might be. Thank you for everything.
10:08 AM – 14 March 2020
-.-.-.-
So, how was it?
-Mari T. (5:42 p.m. 06/08/2020)
I don’t know. It was okay, I guess.
-Anthony P. (5:42 p.m. 06/08/2020)
??? What does that mean?
-Mari T. (5:42 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Apparently, this guy’s method is still experimental or something. It’s kind of making me not want to go. I don’t want to waste my time with this.
-Anthony P. (5:44 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Experimental or not, this is still better than doing nothing. And there’s always another option, you know. You could go to another therapist. You don’t have to stick with Sohinki’s brother. You can always choose another therapist.
-Mari T. (5:47 p.m. 06/08/2020)
I guess so.
-Anthony P. (5:48 p.m. 06/08/2020)
I’m happy whatever you choose to do, Anthony. I just can’t stand the idea of you not moving on. It’s been almost two months. It’s time.
-Mari T. (5:49 p.m. 06/08/2020)
You know he and I have been friends for more than a decade, right? I don’t think a month’s enough time to grieve.
-Anthony P. (5:50 p.m. 06/08/2020)
I’m not telling you to stop grieving. I’m telling you to start trying to move on. If you only moved on after more than a decade because that’s how long you’ve been friends with him, I feel like you’d be worse then than now.
-Mari T. (5:52 p.m. 06/08/2020)
I’m sorry. That was harsh. I’m just worried about you. We all are.
-Mari T. (5:52 p.m. 06/08/2020)
It’s fine. You’re right anyway.
-Anthony P. (5:54 p.m. 06/08/2020)
So how was it?
-Mari T. (5:54 p.m. 06/08/2020)
It was okay. He talked to me about what the sessions were going to be. He’s not going to be my shrink.
-Anthony P. (5:55 p.m. 06/08/2020)
??? What? Then what’s the point of going to him if he’s not going to be your therapist? I thought the whole point was that you wanted to talk to someone you know?
-Mari T. (5:57 p.m. 06/08/2020)
It’s fine. I think it’s actually better this way.
-Anthony P. (5:58 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Really?
-Mari T. (5:58 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Yes really. He gave me some documents to read over and sign, plus some forms to fill out.
-Anthony P. (5:59 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Make sure you read those documents.
-Mari T. (5:59 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Yeah yeah. No need to tell me that.
-Anthony P. (5:59 p.m. 06/08/2020)
I’m serious. Read them. What forms are you supposed to fill out?
-Mari T. (6:00 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Personality tests, interests, some other weird stuff. He says his brand of therapy is still experimental so I’m not really questioning much. It’s not like I’m actually going to talk to his therapist.
-Anthony P. (6:02 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Anthony. Don’t joke about that.
-Mari T. (6:03 p.m. 06/08/2020)
I’m not. Do you honestly think I’ll be able to volunteer a lot of information to a practical stranger? I don’t care if that stranger’s a doctor with actual qualifications to get me to talk. That guy’s still a stranger, and he still won’t understand anything.
-Anthony P. (6:06 p.m. 06/08/2020)
I’m not asking you to do anything you’re uncomfortable with. I’m not telling you to tell this therapist all your darkest secrets in one sitting. What I’m asking you to do is to at least try. Ryan wouldn’t have wanted you to stay like this.
-Mari T. (6:08 p.m. 06/08/2020)
That’s low, Mari.
-Anthony P. (6:09 p.m. 06/08/2020)
It’s the truth. If you were dead instead of him, you wouldn’t have wanted him to waste away like you are. You would have wanted him to get some help. Take this seriously, Anthony. Please.
-Mari T. (6:11 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Fine.
-Anthony P. (6:14 p.m. 06/08/2020)
Thank you.
-Mari T. (6:14 p.m. 06/08/2020)
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\SOHINKI_OFFICE\CAM1\2020.06.10\0001-1200
{UNCLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
<COMMAND: FAST-FORWARD>
{09:46:28}
[knocking on door]
Sohinki: Come in.
[door opens]
Unknown: Hi. Sorry for, uh, not calling in advance.
Sohinki: It’s fine. Take a seat, please.
Unknown: [sits across Sohinki] I, uh, filled out those forms you asked for. I also signed them.
Sohinki: [nods] That’s good. [looks over documents] You’ve read these, right? It’s important for you to understand the variables of this, er, experiment.
Unknown: [hesitates] Yeah, no, I totally did.
Sohinki: All right. You won’t be having your session today since I haven’t really looked at the schedules. When are you free?
Unknown: Uh, next week? Tuesday.
Sohinki: So that’s June 16? Okay. [looks through calendar] Is it okay for you to come here around two in the afternoon?
[Unknown nods]
Sohinki: Good. I’ll just call you or send you a message if I have to reschedule. If you need to reschedule, just call me and I’ll get Melanie to reschedule your appointment. Don’t hesitate to call me if you have questions, either. In the meantime, while you’re not having sessions with your therapist, I would recommend activities that promote self-reflection, like maybe writing in a journal, or writing a blog. I know you’re a Youtuber, so maybe vlogging is more your style. That works, too.
Unknown: [blinks] Uh, okay.
Sohinki: All right, I’ll see you on Tuesday.
Unknown: [nods and stands up from seat] I’ll see you. Thanks.
Sohinki: No problem.
[Unknown leaves office]
<COMMAND: DELETE RECORDING?>
<N>
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
RECORD LOG #1 (06/10/2020)
Anthony has, thankfully, agreed to be part of the experiment. He’s the 15th participant in the research study. From what I’ve seen, based on the forms I’ve asked him to fill out and the personality tests I asked him to take, I believe I have enough information to be able to choose the right therapist for him. I sent Joseph an email regarding the last participant (Anthony), and he says he’ll be able to get the configuration done before Tuesday next week.
Things are looking up. I am excited to see the results of this research.
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\COMMAND PROMPT
{CLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
{PASSWORD= ********}
<COMMAND: RENAME [UNKNOWN]>
<[UNKNOWN]=[PADILLA]>
<COMMAND: SAVE CHANGES?>
<Y>
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\OBSERVATION ROOM 1\CAM3\2020.06.16\1201-2400
{CLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
{PASSWORD= ********}
<COMMAND: FAST-FORWARD>
{13:59:36}
[Hecox enters room]
Hecox: Good afternoon. I’m Ian. You’re Mr. Padilla?
Padilla: [nods] Yeah.
Hecox: [sits across Padilla] This is your first session?
Padilla: Yeah.
Hecox: [nods] I see. Well, uh, I’m Dr. Ian Hecox, and I’ll be your therapist. As Dr. Sohinki probably already told y—
Padilla: Look, no offense, uh, Dr. Hecox, was it? Right. Yeah, no offense, but I just. [sighs] I, uh, I don’t think I’ll be able to talk to you about these things. And yeah, that sucks since that’s your job, but uh, I just don’t think I can talk about it yet. Fuck, okay, this was a mistake, I should jus—
Hecox: No, wait. Please stay. I know it’s my job to talk about these things with you, so I’m not going to pretend I won’t talk about these things with you, but I can promise you that I won’t talk about them until you’re absolutely ready. Dr. Sohinki told you that our sessions are not time-limited, unless you really have to go, and that includes this.
Padilla: Okay. Okay, yeah, that’s, uh, that’s good. Uh, thanks, Dr. He—
Hecox: Call me Ian. I think it’s awkward when you call me doctor, especially since I’m a few months younger than you.
Padilla: Okay, uh, Ian. Call me Anthony.
Hecox: All right. What do you want to talk about?
Padilla: I don’t know. Anything.
Hecox: Okay. What do you think a good breed for a dog is?
Padilla: What?
Hecox: I was thinking of getting a dog.
Padilla: I don’t really know. I’m more of a cat person.
Hecox: Do you have a cat?
Padilla: Nah.
Hecox: Are you planning to get one?
Padilla: Maybe. I haven’t really thought about it.
Hecox: You should, if you can.
Padilla: I thought you’re a dog person?
Hecox: Well yeah, but I’m all for people having pets. The responsible ones, at least.
Padilla: Uh, okay.
Hecox: Sorry, was that awkward? Do you want to talk about something else?
Padilla: No, no, that’s fine. I just, uh, thought you would ask me how I feel or something.
Hecox: Do you want me to ask you how you feel?
Padilla: No.
Hecox: Then I won’t. I keep my promises.
Padilla: Thank you.
Hecox: No problem. Let’s talk about other things. According to your file, you work at Youtube. What’s that like?
Padilla: Oh, I write, produce, and act out comedy sketches.
Hecox: So you don’t vlog? Or do those challenge videos?
Padilla: I do, sometimes. You watch Youtube?
Hecox: When I have time. Is that surprising?
Padilla: No, no, it’s just, well. You’re a medical professional. It’s usually you guys, well, the old and non-arts majors anyway, who look down on Youtube. It’s, uh, refreshing.
Hecox: Youtube can be entertaining and educational. At least, that’s what I think. What’s your account’s name?
Padilla: Smosh. Are you going to watch some videos after our session? Isn’t that stalking?
Hecox: It’s not stalking if you already know what I’m going to do, is it?
[Padilla laughs]
<COMMAND: DELETE RECORDING?>
<Y>
-.-.-.-
We need to have a meeting.
-Joshua O. (7:38 a.m. 05/08/2020)
What’s up?
-Mari T. (7:38 a.m. 05/08/2020)
Overheard some of the bosses talking about the channel. They’re going to have a meeting tonight. I think they’re talking about, you know, Ryan and Anthony and the subscriber thing.
-Joshua O. (7:40 a.m. 05/08/2020)
What do you want to do?
-Mari T. (7:41 a.m. 05/08/2020)
I don’t know, but we should at least talk about it. I think they’ve been talking about doing some budgeting cuts, and that’s not going to be good. We’re already losing subscribers.
-Joshua O. (7:43 a.m. 05/08/2020)
Anthony’s not in a good place right now.
-Mari T. (7:43 a.m. 05/08/2020)
Exactly. The bosses want to replace him, I think. Not exactly get rid of him since they know he’s the main star of the show, but they want him to be a more behind-the-scenes kind of guy. Mostly they’re concerned about what it’s going to mean for Smosh to just be Anthony without Ryan. From what I’ve heard, they don’t want the viewers to have to think about that or something, so they want to move Anthony to the producing side and bring in some fresh new faces.
-Joshua O. (7:46 a.m. 05/08/2020)
How do you know this?
-Mari T. (7:47 a.m. 05/08/2020)
I was going to submit a few project proposals. Heard some guys walking out the elevator talking about it. I think they didn’t notice me.
-Joshua O. (7:47 a.m. 05/08/2020)
Okay. I’ll text the others.
-Mari T. (7:48 a.m. 05/08/2020)
-.-.-.-
Monday, June 15, 2020
Blog Post #1
Dr. Sohinki wanted me to, uh, make a blog, so uh, here it is. I don’t really know what I’m supposed to write about, but I know that I would rather do this than vlog, like he recommended. I don’t know, vlogging feels a little weird without him. Ryan. Yeah.
Fuck, what even is the point of this? This is stupid.
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\OBSERVATION ROOM 1\CAM3\2020.06.23\1201-2400
{CLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
{PASSWORD= ********}
<COMMAND: FAST-FORWARD>
{14:03:16}
[Hecox enters room]
Hecox: Sorry I’m late. That’s, uh, very unprofessional, I’m sorry.
Padilla: It’s fine, don’t worry about it.
Hecox: What do you want to talk about?
Padilla: I don’t really know. Anything.
Hecox: Okay. Have you seen the new Mario Kart?
Padilla: What?
Hecox: You like video games, right?
Padilla: Well, yeah. I just, I don’t know, I never thought you’d be the type to like playing video games.
Hecox: Why not? I’m a twenty-something guy. Well, actually, not really, I’m more of a little kid in a man’s body. I can tell you that being a psychotherapist doesn’t really remove that little kid from you.
Padilla: Is it hard? Your job, I mean.
Hecox: I don’t know. I don’t think so. I mean, it’s as hard as any other job. It’s very time-consuming, but I like it well enough.
Padilla: What do you, uh, like doing in your spare time? Well, in the little spare time you actually have, I mean.
Hecox: I like video games, but I, uh, hate platformers. And yes, before you comment about it, that’s true, I’m not kidding.
Padilla: [laughs] But why?
Hecox: [sighs] I suck at them, okay?
Padilla: [laughs] Oh my god. That’s precious. Right, I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be laughing. Sorry. It’s just that you’re the first person I’ve met who actually hates platformers. I mean, what the hell? Platformers are my childhood, man. What did you grow up on?
Hecox: Uh, first-person shooter games? I’m great at Halo, man. We should play that one of these days, actually. See if you’re as good at video games as you say you are.
Padilla: [laughs] I didn’t say anything about being good at video games, so that’s unfair.
Hecox: You didn’t say no, though.
Padilla: Very true. Should I practice?
Hecox: Nah. I haven’t had much time to play video games, so you’ll be fine.
<COMMAND: DELETE RECORDING?>
<Y>
-.-.-.-
From: Daniel Sohinki ([email protected])
To: Joseph Reeds ([email protected])
Subject: Participant #15
Date: June 10, 2020
I got my fifteenth (and final!) participant for the research study. From my initial assessment—as well as from the results of his MMPI-2-RF—the client seems to be suffering from depression, although we will need more sessions for me to come to a definite conclusion.
This is where you enter into the equation. But then again, you don’t really need me to tell you that since you already know that.
Attached to this email are the client’s files.
-Daniel
P.S: Participants one through fourteen are doing well. Thank you for helping me with this.
-.-.-.-
C:\T271130\IAN HECOX\C280916\RECORDS LOG
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF IAN HECOX, PSY.D.
RECORD LOG #1 (06/16/2020)
The client shows some symptoms of depression, as the patient’s MMPI-2-RF scores predicted. Particularly noticeable was the fact that the patient had difficulty concentrating on the conversation even after I introduced a topic that was not expected by the patient. Another detail I noticed was how unkempt the patient was at the time of our meeting. There were bags under the patient’s eyes, indicating lack of sleep, and the patient kept zoning out during our conversation.
I was careful to introduce topics of conversation I knew the client would be interested in—interests the client himself wrote down on the application sheet the client gave to Dr. Sohinki—because I believed that at that point, the client had started to lose interest in activities the client once loved doing. First, I talked about pets with the client, but the client was not particularly interested in said topic of conversation. Next, I talked about Youtube—the media platform where the client’s job thrives—and though it elicited response from the client (the client laughed), I have since figured out that it will not be wise for me to open our next conversation with the same topic. I believe the topic of Youtube will bring about memories of the client’s best friend, and I believe the client is not yet ready for the influx of painful memories that can be brought about by me continuing to talk to the client about Youtube.
Perhaps I will talk about that topic with the client some other time, when there has been a steady level of trust between the two of us and the client is willingly starting discussions with me about subject matters that are not particularly pleasant for him.
I believe the client has Situational Depression. I will not know more until after a few more sessions, though.
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\OBSERVATION ROOM 1\CAM3\2020.06.30\1201-2400
{CLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
{PASSWORD= ********}
<COMMAND: FAST-FORWARD>
{14:00:15}
Hecox: What do you want to talk about?
Padilla: Anything.
Hecox: Okay. I figured you would say that, so…
Padilla: Uh…is that a Wii X?
Hecox: Yep.
Padilla: Should I ask why…?
Hecox: That depends on you.
Padilla: All right, uh, I’ll bite. What’s that doing here?
Hecox: [shrugs] They say the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach—
Padilla: —are you going to ask me to eat this thing?
Hecox: —and though this isn’t exactly food, I’m going by the same principle. So, to answer your question, no, I’m not asking you to eat this. Are you kidding me? This shit’s expensive.
Padilla: [laughs] I know. I have the same console. You need help setting that up?
Hecox: No, no, I’m good. I can do it. What were you saying about your console?
Padilla: Funny thing, actually. I, uh, got mine a week before the official release. Some of the guys at Nintendo knew me, I guess, and they sent me one in advance.
Hecox: For free?
Padilla: Uh, yeah.
Hecox: That’s awesome. Maybe I should give Youtube out a try, huh?
Padilla: I’d say you have a pretty nice job here.
Hecox: [laughs] Is this your way of letting me down easy?
Padilla: [laughs] Oh come on, dude.
Hecox: Yes! Finally. Christ, I was thinking that was going to take me hours.
Padilla: I offered to help, but you said you could do it.
Hecox: And I did do it, so, you know, hush.
Padilla: Of course. Right. So what games do you have?
Hecox: Uh, I have Mario Kart SP, Sonic Saga 2, Peach Plum, and Reapers V.
Padilla: Peach Plum?
Hecox: Don’t judge.
Padilla: [laughs] Right, right, sorry. Uhm, okay, so what do you want to play? I mean, assuming you want us to play, uh, something.
Hecox: Yeah, we’re going to play. And I don’t really have a preference, so go ahead and pick something.
Padilla: Uh, okay, what about Reapers V?
Hecox: Okay, sure, let me just grab the disc.
Padilla: How exactly is this, uh, therapeutic? I have this game, and I’m pretty sure a multiplayer game that involves graphic violence isn’t going to solve anything.
Hecox: Just trust me on this. And remember, you picked the game, not me. Unless…do you want to play something else?
Padilla: No, no, I’m fine. Just…confused, I guess.
Hecox: All right.
<COMMAND: DELETE RECORDING?>
<Y>
-.-.-.-
Anthony Padilla (@smoshanthony)
Hey guys. I won’t be in Smosh videos for a little while. I just need to take care of some things. Sorry about that.
9:14 PM – 28 March 2020
-.-.-.-
It’s been a month. He’s still not better.
-Mari T. (11:48 a.m. 04/18/2020)
I know.
-Matt S. (11:48 a.m. 04/18/2020)
Okay, so what’s the plan??? This can’t go on, Sohinki. He needs help and you know it. We all know it.
-Mari T. (11:49 a.m. 04/18/2020)
I don’t know. I honestly don’t know, Mari. Did you ask him what he wanted to do?
-Matt S. (11:50 a.m. 04/18/2020)
Not yet. I’m about to.
-Mari T. (11:51 a.m. 04/18/2020)
Okay. Ask him first. This is his health we’re talking about, so let him make the decision.
-Matt S. (11:52 a.m. 04/18/2020)
Right. Yeah, sure. I’ll do that.
-Mari T. (11:53 a.m. 04/18/2020)
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
RECORD LOG #2 (06/17/2020)
I read Dr. Hecox’s record log on his first session with Anthony, and I also watched the recording. I have to say that I agree with most of the points Dr. Hecox pointed out in his report—Anthony does seem to display the symptoms of depression. I have to disagree with the prognosis, however. Based from the questionnaires, while it may have started as Situational Depression, I believe it has developed into Major Depressive Disorder, as Anthony himself has reported that he’s been feeling this way since his best friend died, which was approximately three months ago. Despite my disagreement with Dr. Hecox’s prognosis, however, he seems to be doing a good job so far. He has correctly identified symptoms and made a prognosis that isn’t too far off the mark. Of course, success can’t be measured by that alone. If Dr. Hecox helps get Anthony better, that’s when I’ll know we’re ready for the study to be concluded.
I really have to thank Joseph. He’s done an exceptional job.
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\OBSERVATION ROOM 1\CAM3\2020.07.07\1201-2400
{CLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
{PASSWORD= ********}
<COMMAND: FAST-FORWARD>
{14:01:12}
Hecox: Hi. What do you want to talk about?
Padilla: Hey. And, uh, I don’t know. You choose.
Hecox: Okay. Do you want to talk or play Reapers V?
Padilla: Anything. Whatever. I don’t know.
[Hecox sighs]
Padilla: Look, I’m just not in the mood to talk, okay?
Hecox: That’s understandable. Let me set up the Wii X, okay?
Padilla: Sure. Do what you want.
<COMMAND: DELETE RECORDING?>
<Y>
-.-.-.-
Tuesday, June 16, 2020
Blog Post #2
I actually snapped at my shrink. That was embarrassing, but hey, at least they can’t say I wasn’t honest from the very start.
I don’t really know why I’m doing this. I mean, I kind of know why: I’m doing this for Mari, who’s worried sick about me, I’m doing this for my friends who are also worried about me, I’m doing this for my mom who’s been calling me nonstop for the past few months, and I’m doing this for me because yeah, I can kind of admit to myself that I’m not okay. And huh, isn’t that the first step to getting better? Accepting something that’s true? I’m not actually talking about acceptance, I mean, I know that’s the fifth stage of grief, but I mean, the opposite of denial.
I’m not going to try and figure that out.
Dr. Hecox is…nice. It’s weird—I was expecting to be grilled about things I just don’t think I’m ready to talk about yet, and yet he didn’t force me to say anything. That’s a good thing, right? I don’t know, maybe I just have extremely low standards for shrinks. I can’t really care, to be honest. He’s nice, but he’s not nice enough for me to immediately talk about things with him on the first session.
I still think this is a bad idea. I still think that I’m not ready for this yet, but I don’t really know. Everyone’s saying it’s going to be good for me, so maybe I should just hold on and wait, right?
Fuck this. Fuck everything. Fuck, fuck, fuck.
-.-.-.-
C:\T271130\IAN HECOX\C280916\RECORDS LOG
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF IAN HECOX, PSY.D.
RECORD LOG #2 (06/23/2020)
Once again, I had to initiate the conversation with the client. I had to look through my files beforehand to figure out what topic to talk about with said client, but in the end, I believe it went well. We talked about video games, another thing that was listed in his interests. He was much more open to this topic than some of the previous topics I introduced during our last session (cats and dogs, Youtube, etc.) and we actually managed to exchange jokes. The session, albeit short, ended on a much lighter note, as well.
My earlier prognosis of Situational Depression might be wrong. While the symptoms of Situational Depression and Clinical Depression may be similar, the degree to which these symptoms are affecting a person’s—in this case, the client’s—ability or inability to function in society are significantly different. Of course, there is a very big possibility that I might be wrong since I have only had two sessions with the client, which is why I am careful not to do or say anything that might discourage the client from talking to me and allowing me to help him get better.
Of course, it goes without saying that I cannot quite prescribe any sort of medication to the client yet. There is the fact that I, being a psychologist, am not actually allowed to prescribe medication and there’s also the fact that I don’t know enough about the client yet to even think about prescribing medication.
For future reference, however: Dr. Sohinki is a psychotherapist, and I believe he would want me to refer this client (and all my future clients) to him. I will have to ask him about this when I find the time.
-.-.-.-
SG SQUAD (Joshua Ovenshire, Mari Takahashi, David Moss, Wesley Johnson, Amra Ricketts, Matt Sohinki)
8:49 PM – 04/02/2020
Joshua: O’CONNOR IS A FUCKING DICK.
Joshua: Seriously. Fuck him to fucking hell.
Mari: I know. I hate him too.
Wesley: what happened? What did im iss?
Wesley: *I miss
Matt: @ wes we had a surprise meeting a while ago. bosses aren’t too happy with the subscriber count.
Matt: @ joven I agree. O’connor’s a fucking asshole.
Wesley: what did gary want to do?
Joshua: Gary? You’re on first-name basis with the guy?
Wesley: well…yeah. I mean, I was on the editing team. I had to work with the guy, y’know?
David: he didn’t want to do anything yet. he just took the time to basically scream at us. Fucking bastard.
Mari: O’Connor was upset—and this is putting it very lightly—about the loss of subscribers. He’s blaming Anthony.
Joshua: which was BULLSHIT BECAUSE ANTHONY WASN’T EVEN THERE GODDAMN WHAT THE FUCK
Wesley: why the hell would he blame anthony???
Joshua: because he’s a huge son of a bitch, that’s why.
Matt: because anthony just announced a couple of days ago on twitter that he won’t be in smosh videos for a little while. that’s why he’s blaming anthony.
Mari: He basically said that no matter what Anthony’s going through, it’s his job to continue appearing in videos.
Wesley: what the hell???
Mari: I know. He’s a dick.
Amra: O’Connor never liked Anthony and Ryan, so this isn’t surprising.
Mari: Still. Doesn’t he have at least the smallest bit of decency to try and be sensitive? We just lost someone. Anthony lost his best friend of ten years.
David: you know he’s all about the profit.
Joshua: shitfuck motherfucker
-.-.-.-
Hey man, are you okay? Talk to me. Please.
-Ryan T. (9:24 p.m. 10/11/2015)
I’m fine.
-Anthony P. (9:25 p.m. 10/11/2015)
The hell you are. Kalel just left you at the altar. You’re not fine.
-Ryan T. (9:25 p.m. 10/11/2015)
You’re right. I’m not fine. How could she do this to me?
-Anthony P. (9:26 p.m. 10/11/2015)
Fuck, man. I’m supposed to be boarding my flight to Japan right now for my honeymoon with her.
-Anthony P. (9:27 p.m. 10/11/2015)
I’m sorry. You want to go out and get drunk? My treat.
-Ryan T. (9:27 p.m. 10/11/2015)
I’m fine. Thanks.
-Anthony P. (9:28 p.m. 10/11/2015)
All right, you know what? I’m coming over with that vegan ice cream you like so much, and we’re going to watch Die Hard. You’re going to pretend not to cry into your gallon of ice cream while I pretend not to notice.
-Ryan T. (9:30 p.m. 10/11/2015)
Okay. Thank you, man.
-Anthony P. (9:32 p.m. 10/11/2015)
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
RECORD LOG #3 (06/24/2020)
The session went smoothly, from what I’ve seen on the recording and from Dr. Hecox’s record log. Everything is going smoothly, and I have to say that I am very pleased with the way the sessions have been going so far, with Dr. Hecox being careful to stick to the list of interests Anthony himself had filled out.
I’m very happy with the change in prognosis, because this means that Dr. Hecox is capable enough to deal with future clients. The amount of critical thinking Dr. Hecox displays is nothing short of extraordinary, and I’m happy with how things are going so far. I have to say that the inclusion of Dr. Hecox’s background in the conversation is particularly commendable. Details about one’s personal life will make Anthony amenable to possibly forming a friendship with his therapist, something that is important for his sessions.
The whole point of this study is to see if psychiatrists can form friendships with their clients and address the problem head-on once there is a steady foundation of friendship between the two parties. If Dr. Hecox doesn’t become Anthony’s friend, I doubt his sessions will be able to help him, especially seeing as this technique does not include talking about a client’s mental illness until the client is on good enough terms with the therapist to willingly volunteer information.
Dr. Hecox’s sessions with Anthony, though short, display great potential. Despite what look like half-hearted laughs, Anthony seems to be willing to let Dr. Hecox direct the conversation, even joking with him on some occasions.
This might just work.
-.-.-.-
From: Daniel Sohinki ([email protected])
To: Michael Bartlett ([email protected])
Subject: Participants 1-5
Date: March 10, 2020
Sir,
I’ve gotten five participants for the research study, all of whom were randomly selected. I have two clients suffering from specific phobias, one suffering from what I believe to be manic disorder, and two with clinical depression. Of course, these are just my initial findings—I have no doubt that everything will be much clearer after they have had more sessions.
I’ve contacted Harksinon Industries and sent in my request. They’ve assigned my good friend Joseph Reeds to my case.
Attached to this email are the necessary files for the request, as well as the clients’ information.
I look forward to starting this research study with your support.
Sincerely,
Daniel.
-.-.-.-
Tuesday, June 23, 2020
Blog Post #3
Dr. Hecox talked about Mario Kart.
It wasn’t what I was expecting, but hey, whatever works, right? I mean, I’m still not sure about this entire thing, but whatever.
I think, if I met Dr. Hecox somewhere else, we could have been friends. But then, that’s the thing, isn’t it? He’s my therapist. That’s not exactly the best foundation for a friendship. I think that’s what he’s aiming for, though, because I’ve had three sessions with the guy and he hasn’t started hitting me with the heavy questions yet.
It’s making me anxious. I’m constantly on edge, trying to figure out if this session’s going to be when he finally asks me things I’m not sure I can answer.
While I appreciate that he’s trying to take it slow, I wish he would just stop pretending and just ask me already. I won’t be ready, but at least I’ll stop wondering. It’s bullshit, what he’s trying to do, though I can’t seem to tell him that I think what he’s doing is ridiculous.
Isn’t there some sort of rule that says therapists should maintain a professional relationship with their clients or something? He’s pretending to be my friend, and I just think it’s ridiculous.
But hey, at least I’m not being forced to answer questions I don’t want to, right? By going to the sessions, I can at least get Mari to not be worried about me. That’s good enough.
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\OBSERVATION ROOM 1\CAM3\2020.07.14\1201-2400
{CLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
{PASSWORD= ********}
<COMMAND: FAST-FORWARD>
{14:05:46}
Hecox: All right, I’m going to bite. What’s wrong?
Padilla: Nothing’s wrong.
Hecox: Are you sure?
[Padilla sighs]
Hecox: All right, what do you want to do? I still have the Wii X, we could—
Padilla: Here’s what I don’t understand. What are you trying to do, man? It’s messing up with me, the whole avoiding my problems thing.
Hecox: I’m trying to be your friend.
Padilla: Why? That’s not in the job requirement, is it? I know therapists and patients are supposed to have a good relationship, but not in the way you’re aiming for.
Hecox: Do you want to talk about it?
Padilla: [sighs] No.
Hecox: Then I won’t talk about it.
Padilla: It’s fucking with me. Why won’t you talk about it? Why won’t you just pry and ask me all the questions I know you need to ask me? Rip the Band-Aid off already, damn it, and make me better!
Hecox: You want to know why I won’t talk about it?
Padilla: Yes.
Hecox: It’s because you’re not ready.
Padilla: I just said—
Hecox: Let me talk, please?
Padilla: [pauses] All right.
Hecox: Thank you. Anthony, this isn’t magic. Four sessions aren’t even nearly enough to make you feel better, especially when our sessions haven’t even lasted an hour each. For you to get better, you have to want to be here. You have to want to get better. Now, obviously, you don’t want to, or at least you don’t want to yet, since you haven’t opened up the discussion of your depression.
[Hecox pauses]
Hecox: You’re not going to get better quickly if you’re not going to let me help you. I’m going by your own pace, Anthony, and I’m trying to follow your lead here. If you’re not ready to talk about it, that’s fine, but don’t get angry at me for not doing anything you think I should be doing. I’m not going forcing you to talk about your depression, so why are you forcing me?
Padilla: I have to go.
Hecox: Wait, wait, I’m sorry.
Padilla: No, it’s fine. You’re right. I just, I think I need to go.
<COMMAND: DELETE RECORDING?>
<Y>
-.-.-.-
C:\T271130\IAN HECOX\C280916\RECORDS LOG
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF IAN HECOX, PSY.D.
RECORD LOG #3 (06/30/2020)
While Play Therapy is a technique often used for younger clients, I chose to bring this certain kind of therapy to my session with Mr. Padilla a while ago. Of course, I had to somewhat bend the rules quite a bit: while the clinic is spacious, we don’t exactly have a playroom in here, and I doubt Mr. Padilla would like to play with building blocks or sand anyway. To solve this problem, I brought a Wii X to the room and hooked it up to the television.
Play Therapy has been proven to help children (and some adults) cognitively, allowing those who couldn’t express their thoughts and emotions to be able to communicate more effectively with their therapist during moments of play, and I thought this would particularly be beneficial for Mr. Padilla. During the beginning of the session, his state of mind seemed to have improved, as he exchanged jokes with me. While we were playing a game called Reapers V, however, he hadn’t talked as much as I would like him to, although that might just be an indication that I have to keep Play Therapy as a part of our sessions together.
One important thing to note is that Mr. Padilla chose a game called Reapers V from the various other choices he had. I had intended this particular play therapy session to be nondirective, and so his choice of game means something. What it means, however, I have yet to understand.
-.-.-.-
Hey, are you sure about what you’re planning to do? We’re totally okay with whatever you choose to do, by the way. I just want to ask you if you’re sure about this.
-Joshua O. (6:29 p.m. 03/28/2020)
Yeah. Sorry, Joven. I just can’t do it, man. I need some time.
-Anthony P. (6:31 p.m. 03/28/2020)
We totally understand. The bosses are pissed, but that’s fine because they’re just naturally dicks. But we’re totally okay with whatever you want to do. Take care of yourself, okay?
-Joshua O. (6:32 p.m. 03/28/2020)
Thanks. I’m actually going to announce that I’m not going to be in videos for a while on twitter later, I think. I don’t want to put this off. People are already asking what I’m planning to do, and honestly, I’m not sure yet.
-Anthony P. (6:34 p.m. 03/28/2020)
That’s fine. If you need help, don’t hesitate to call us, okay? We’re never too busy.
-Joshua O. (6:35 p.m. 03/28/2020)
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
RECORD LOG #4 (07/01/2020)
I find it interesting how Dr. Hecox chose to incorporate play therapy into his sessions with Anthony. While I started this research with the importance of an eclectic approach to therapy in mind, it’s definitely easier said than done. There are very few therapists who are qualified to use varying types of therapy such as play therapy or music therapy, and so there are few individuals who will be able to actually achieve what I want to achieve here: sessions that are not “one size fits all”, but are rather developed on a case-to-case basis.
I’ve yet to see how Dr. Hecox will draw on different theories and therapies to be able to fully satisfy my need for all my therapists to have an eclectic approach to therapy. He seems to prefer humanistic therapy, with a particular interest in Carl Rogers’ person-centered therapy. I can definitely see the presence of Rogers’ therapeutic alliance in Dr. Hecox’s sessions, and it makes me wonder if Dr. Hecox will be able to change techniques if his sessions with Anthony change or develop into something else.
I must admit, I find it curious how Dr. Hecox, in the early stages of his relationship with Anthony as his therapist, prefers humanistic therapy, when all my other therapists seem to prefer cognitive therapy. I would make the argument that it’s because Dr. Hecox is dealing with a client who has depression, but that is not the case—I have another therapist dealing with a client who also has depression, and yet said therapist (T019385) also started with cognitive therapy. Then again, every client is different, so I might just be curious over nothing. Nevertheless, I’m excited to see where his sessions with Anthony will go.
-.-.-.-
Tuesday, June 30, 2020
Blog Post #4
He had an actual Wii X in the room.
I actually appreciated it, because then I had an excuse not to talk to him, but then I started wondering if maybe he appreciates it the way I do too. What if he doesn’t want to talk to me? Or what if he got sick of me not telling him anything?
Is he even taking me seriously?
-.-.-.-
From: Joseph Reeds ([email protected])
To: Daniel Sohinki ([email protected])
Subject: RE: Participant #15
Date: June 10, 2020
Hey man. I looked through the attached documents, and I should be able to get all the coding done in a few days, then I’ll get your package sent on Saturday, probably. I really don’t understand any of your psychology mumbo-jumbo, but then again, you don’t understand any of my programming and engineering jargon, so I guess we’re even.
Anyway.
I’m really thankful for the “interests” part of the questionnaire you ask your clients to answer. I don’t really know if I’ve mentioned it before, but it makes my work (and my life) a hell of a lot easier, so thanks for that. As for the more technical part of the whole thing we’re doing, I’m slowly understanding more than before, but then again, it’s practically expected of me. We might have all that psychology knowledge transformed into a huge (and I mean HUGE) chunk of code, but it doesn’t mean I don’t have to reread all those reviewers you sent me months ago with every new client.
All this psychology is making my head hurt. No wonder I flunked my first psychology course in college.
-Joseph
P.S: Man, if we weren’t roommates in college, I probably would have flunked my second psychology course as well. Thanks for all the help, man.
-.-.-.-
From Forbes, 14th of April, 2020:
The Game-Changers of Online Media and Their Earnings in the First Quarter of 2020
Over the years, media has started to become more all-encompassing than ever before. With the invention of the internet, not only has information been more accessible, it has also become more bite-sized, with younger generations no longer having to parse through entire volumes of encyclopedias for a school paper. All it takes is a few clicks on a mouse, a few filters, and a few seconds, and Google will be able to provide the information one needs.
It seems that scholarly knowledge is not all that Google has to offer. Since 2005, when website Youtube was created by Chad Hurley, Steve Chen, and Jawed Karim, entertainment has also been more accessible than ever, particularly to the younger generation who grew up with the development of technology. When Google obtained ownership rights to Youtube in 2006, no one had figured out that this new platform for viewing videos will, in just a few years, completely revolutionize the way individuals consume information.
2007, and the Partnership Program was launched, further developing the future of online media. It was with this wise move on the company’s part that the value of the company skyrocketed, along with the value of particular channels: Smosh, Fred, Nigahiga, and Freddiew, to name a few.
15 years later, and Youtube has gone further than anyone expected it to. With the unveiling of Youtube Red just four years ago, Youtube is no longer just challenging the norms of media consumption, instead choosing to define it. Now, more than ever, entertainment has never crossed over so many perceived boundaries, with online stars publishing books left and right, getting television and movie deals, and hosting radio shows. Indeed, online media and its members has become a force to be reckoned with over these years.
Last-year’s top-earning Youtubers, Smosh, met 2020 with a bang—out of all other Youtube Red partnership shows, it is their show, Part-Timers, that had the highest views, dominating both the female and male 15-24 demographic. Raking in $13.7 million in 2019, Smosh narrowly beat Swede Felix Kjellberg—more commonly known as Pewdiepie—for the top spot, with Kjellberg earning $13.3 million.
During the first quarter of 2020, Smosh held the top spot, with over $2.8 million in pre-tax earnings. With Ryan Todd—one-half of the comedic duo—dying in an accident this March, however, one can only guess how this will affect their earnings for the second quarter. Slightly behind Smosh is Felix Kjellberg, earning $2.6 million.
The Fine Brothers, having had their movie premiere last January, earns the third spot on the list of the highest-paid Youtube stars, raking in $2.3 million. Right behind these brothers are Hannah Hart and Tyler Oakley, both of whom earned $2.1 million. With the establishment of her clothing line and her new partnership with Burberry, Marzia Bisognin earned $2 million in the first quarter of the year alone.
Though Youtube may not have seen their influence developing like this since its creation in 2005, it’s definitely revolutionizing how people of various demographics consume media, making millionaires out of twenty-somethings in the process.
-.-.-.-
C:\T271130\IAN HECOX\C280916\RECORDS LOG
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF IAN HECOX, PSY.D.
RECORD LOG #4 (07/07/2020)
Anthony was upset today. He was closed off, he had bags under his eyes, and though I wanted to make him feel better, for the first time in a long while, during that time, I genuinely didn’t know what to do. I thought we were making progress—he seemed to react positively to play therapy during our last session—but apparently not.
I believe something has happened to him outside our sessions to make him feel and act the way he did before. I couldn’t get whatever it was out of him, however, because right after two levels, he stood up, bade goodbye, and left.
Never before has the loss of interest in pleasurable activities been more evident to me than now. While during our last session, Anthony enjoyed himself, this time, he looked more bored than happy. His eyelids were drooping as well, and he yawned every time he thought I wasn’t looking. It’s possible that sleepless nights have caught up to him again. I was going to offer to asking Dr. Sohinki to prescribe sleeping pills, but as I started to talk, he started to tune me out. I didn’t even get a chance to talk before he left.
I’ll address the matter another time, I suppose.
-.-.-.-
Have you eaten?
-Mari T. (8:04 p.m. 03/24/2020)
Peter cooked that vegan stuff you like so much. I was wondering if I could go and bring it to your apartment.
-Mari T. (8:05 p.m. 03/24/2020)
I’m fine, thanks.
-Anthony P. (8:09 p.m. 03/24/2020)
You have to eat, Anthony. You need to take care of yourself. We’re worried. We don’t want you getting sick.
-Mari T. (8:11 p.m. 03/24/2020)
Thank you, but I’m fine. I swear.
-Anthony P. (8:12 p.m. 03/24/2020)
I’m coming over.
-Mari T. (8:13 p.m. 03/24/2020)
-.-.-.-
Tuesday, July 7, 2020
Blog Post #5
I don’t know what the point of all this even is. We just played with the Wii X. We didn’t even talk about anything regarding my issues and shit. It’s confusing the fuck out of me, because isn’t that his fucking job? To talk?
If he’s not going to talk to me and make me get better, then I don’t know what the actual fuck I’m even doing here. I’m just wasting my time here. I’m better off not doing this.
But if I don’t do this, Mari will be all worried and shit. I don’t want to worry her anymore.
I just want to sleep. For a hundred years, maybe.
Fuck everything.
-.-.-.-
SG SQUAD (Joshua Ovenshire, Mari Takahashi, David Moss, Wesley Johnson, Amra Ricketts, Matt Sohinki)
7:17 PM – 05/08/2020
Mari: That meeting went well.
Mari: What are we going to do?
David: There’s nothing we can do. I mean, we did our best to make the board change their minds temporarily, but until Anthony returns, we can’t do anything.
Joshua: i can’t believe they actually want to get new actors for the smosh channel
Amra: I can. With Ryan gone and Anthony taking some time for himself, the channel’s at a standstill. We can only help with so many videos, especially since we’re responsible for Smosh Games as well.
Joshua: well, when you put it like that, i guess it’s understandable
Joshua: it’s just that
Joshua: don’t you think this is their way of slowly putting anthony behind the scenes?
Joshua: leaving him behind?
Joshua: things like that?
David: Joven, I’m pretty sure we’re all thinking the same thing.
Mari: That’s definitely their plan. They can do it legally, too, since they technically own the company.
Wesley: but isn’t that a bad move on their part? i don’t think the fans woud like it if there’s suddenly new people
Wesley: *would
Amra: Exactly. It’s a bad move, but it’s the only move they can do, barring actually forcing Anthony to go back to work.
Joshua: so what’s the plan, then?
Mari: Stall them from making actual decisions? I don’t want Anthony to come back to a failing company with a significantly lowered subscriber count.
Wesley: sounds good to me
-.-.-.-
C:\T271130\IAN HECOX\C280916\RECORDS LOG
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF IAN HECOX, PSY.D.
RECORD LOG #5 (07/14/2020)
Anthony finally snapped. There’s no other word for it. I tried my best to be as patient with him as I possibly could, but I’m not really sure if I succeeded.
He looked really tired. The bags under his eyes somehow got larger, and his face was pale. There were slight tremors on his hands—a sign of lack of sleep. Insomnia, maybe? I might have to talk to Dr. Sohinki about this.
Anthony has been losing muscle density. He hasn’t been eating much, I believe. I thought we had made progress, but apparently not.
I worry for him. I don’t know if I’ll see him next week, since he stormed out of our session.
I hope he comes back.
-.-.-.-
Tuesday, July 14, 2020
Blog Post #6
I feel like an asshole. I snapped at Dr. Hecox, and he was reasonable during the entire thing. God, I feel like an actual dick.
And the worst thing is he was totally right. It’s not his fault, and though he didn’t say it, it’s actually my fault. He promised me he wouldn’t talk about it if I wasn’t comfortable with it, and he did what he told me he would do. I, like an absolute asshole, expected him to lie and talk to me about my issues anyway, instead of trusting him.
I feel terrible.
I didn’t even say sorry. I just up and left.
He was right. I’m not going to get better if I don’t cooperate with him. This isn’t something he can do by himself. All these weeks of me going to therapy sessions just because Mari wanted me to instead of going because I actually want to get better weren’t good for anything, because they were forced and I was uncooperative.
I should go back and apologize.
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\OBSERVATION ROOM 1\CAM3\2020.07.21\1201-2400
{CLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
{PASSWORD= ********}
<COMMAND: FAST-FORWARD>
{13:59:24}
Padilla: Hi.
Hecox: Oh. Uh, hi.
Padilla: I’m sorry about last time.
Hecox: It’s fine.
Padilla: It’s not fine.
Hecox: Well, it was understandable, at least. To be honest, I didn’t know if you were going to show up today.
Padilla: I almost didn’t. I was too embarrassed.
Hecox: Embarrassed? Why?
Padilla: Dude, are you kidding me? I shouted at you. You’re my therapist. That’s a pretty solid indicator that there’s something seriously wrong with me.
Hecox: I didn’t need you to shout at me to figure out that you needed my help, Anthony. You still do, actually. And I’m more than willing to continue our sessions.
Padilla: Yeah, I know. I’m sorry if I messed up the whole research you guys have going on.
Hecox: What? Do you think I’m only helping you because of the study?
Padilla: Yes?
Hecox: Well, you’re wrong. I’m not saying that the study isn’t important, because it definitely is, but you’re more important than some study. I promise you.
Padilla: I think we’ve established that I’m not so great with people promising things to me.
Hecox: Well I think we’ve established that I keep my promises.
[Padilla laughs]
Hecox: So, are we okay?
Padilla: I don’t know. Are we?
Hecox: I think so.
Padilla: Great. And, uh, I’m sorry. Again.
Hecox: Forgiven and forgotten. So what do you want to talk about today?
Padilla: I was, uh, thinking about what you said last time, and uh, I realized that you were actually right.
Hecox: About what?
Padilla: About…this. This whole thing. How I’ve been more or less depending on you to do all the heavy lifting in this, uh, scenario. How I was hoping you’d be able to make me better without me having to commit to this kind of thing.
Hecox: Ah. And what did you think about that?
Padilla: I thought you were right.
Hecox: Anthony, be honest with me. Do you want my help? I know you were uncertain about this from the very beginning, so please feel free to tell me if you’re only here because you feel like you’re being forced to.
Padilla: Uh, okay. I’m not going to lie, so, yeah. Yes, I was. At the beginning, I only came here because my friend Mari kept telling me to go to therapy. She was worried for me. My best friend just, uh, died, and I was a mess. [clears throat] I still am.
Hecox: Are you ready to talk about your best friend?
Padilla: I, uhm. I guess so.
Hecox: All right. So…your best friend.
Padilla: Uh, yeah. His name’s Ryan. Was. Uh, yeah. God.
Hecox: How did you and Ryan meet?
Padilla: Can we, uh, talk about this another time? I’m sorry, I just. I don’t think I’m as ready as I thought I was.
Hecox: Yeah, definitely. It’s fine. Is there something else you would like to talk about?
Padilla: [chuckling] Let’s play Reapers V?
[Hecox laughs]
<COMMAND: DELETE RECORDING?>
<Y>
-.-.-.-
C:\T271130\IAN HECOX\C280916\RECORDS LOG
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF IAN HECOX, PSY.D.
RECORD LOG #6 (07/21/2020)
Anthony came back. I didn’t think he would, but he did, and for that, I’m glad.
Today, he tried talking about his best friend. We’ve been making progress, which is great. This is our sixth session, and though we haven’t been doing hour-long sessions yet, Anthony has shown great potential in possibly being ready for longer sessions in the near future. The fact that he willingly breached the topic of his best friend is already a huge step in the right direction. I can only hope this will continue.
Before we talked about his best friend, he apologized to me and admitted that I was right. I think what I said to him during our last session helped immensely, even though I would never say those words to another client ever again. I’m glad what I told him during our last session helped him—the week before this session, I was constantly worrying about him not coming back because of a mistake I shouldn’t have made.
Those issues aside, I’m truly excited about our next session. I’m hoping that during our next session, he’ll be able to fully talk about some of the issues plaguing his mind. Earlier today, he had chosen to play Reapers V when he couldn’t talk anymore, and I found it extremely ironic how play therapy, something that’s designed to help someone be able to communicate, was working against me.
Here’s to longer, more fruitful sessions with Anthony.
-.-.-.-
Tuesday, July 21, 2020
Blog Post #7
I’m not ready to talk about Ryan. I thought I was, but apparently, I wasn’t, and I’m really thankful that Dr. Hecox didn’t force me to talk about him more.
I’m not the sharing-and-caring kind of guy, so it was pretty uncomfortable for me when I started trying to talk about these things with him. He didn’t push for more details than what I was willing to provide, so I’m thankful for that.
Ryan is still a sore subject. Hell, even writing about the guy is so fucking hard, I have to force myself to calm down and type the letters one by one. In all the years we’ve been friends, I never really imagined what it would be like to have to live without him by my side. The idea sounds gay, I know, but it’s the truth. The idea of me and him not being by each other’s side was such a ridiculous idea that I just never really thought about it. I guess I just didn’t look far into the future enough.
I miss him. I miss him so much it hurts. Sometimes, whenever I can actually stand to go on Youtube and watch short videos here and there, I unconsciously start to text him the link of a video, only to realize he won’t be able to watch it. I keep thinking that he’ll appear anytime soon, that he’ll just barge into my apartment one of these days with a six-pack and a box of pizza.
There are five stages of grief, right? Is it possible to be in both the denial stage and the depression stage?
God, I’m a mess.
-.-.-.-
From Superfame, 28th of March, 2020:
Anthony Padilla leaving Youtube?
Earlier today, Anthony Padilla of Smosh tweeted this:
Anthony Padilla (@smoshanthony)
Hey guys. I won’t be in Smosh videos for a little while. I just need to take care of some things. Sorry about that.
9:14 PM – 28 March 2020
While it’s not exactly a secret that Smosh, as both a brand and a group that consists of friends, has been struggling since Ryan Todd’s death just earlier this month, fans hadn’t seen this coming. Padilla, a veteran to making Youtube videos—Smosh has been around for almost as long as Youtube—has been in the industry for 15 years, and the thought of Youtube without him is not only surprising, but is also making fans more than mildly uncomfortable.
Almost immediately after the tweet was posted, fans started talking. Just how long is “a little while”? And what exactly are the “things” that Padilla has to take care of? Does it have anything to do with his best friend Ryan Todd?
Whatever it might be, fans are left to speculate. Padilla didn’t answer any tweet sent to him by the fans, and though the other members of the Smosh brand were supportive of his decision (David Moss, more commonly known as “Lasercorn”, and Matt Sohinki both retweeted the tweet, while Joshua Ovenshire, Mari Takahashi, and Amra Ricketts replied to him, saying they supported him), none of them answered the fans’ questions. Nonetheless, this didn’t discourage fans from taking to Twitter and Youtube, asking all the questions everyone is dying to have answered.
Among the questions that are surfacing, however, there is one thing to be sure of: the Youtube community will miss Anthony Padilla.
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\OBSERVATION ROOM 1\CAM3\2020.07.28\1201-2400
{CLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
{PASSWORD= ********}
<COMMAND: FAST-FORWARD>
{14:00:16}
Hecox: So, what do you want to talk about today?
Padilla: I guess, uh, my best friend. Ryan. Yeah.
Hecox: All right. What was he like?
Padilla: He’s great. Uhm. I mean, he was great. He was the best friend anyone could ask for.
Hecox: How did you meet?
Padilla: We met in sixth grade. He was a classmate.
Hecox: Sixth grade? That’s…a long time.
Padilla: Yeah. A teacher paired us up for a project. We enjoyed ourselves, yeah, but we weren’t really close after that. We were just, kind of, uh, acquaintances. [chuckles] Okay, maybe not acquaintances. We were friends. We just weren’t the friends we are now. I mean, the friends we were before he, uh, died.
Hecox: What kind of friends were you?
Padilla: We weren’t best friends or anything like that, but we were part of this group of friends. He was the new kid in the group, so I was closer to some of the others than to him.
Hecox: When did you become best friends?
Padilla: Eighth grade, I think.
Hecox: How did you become best friends?
Padilla: My, uh, girlfriend broke up with me. All the other guys weren’t really interested in consoling me beyond the polite apologies, the “I’m sorry’s” and “that sucks, man”. Ryan, he, uh, helped. He didn’t really talk about my relationship or anything as unsubtle as that, but he kept inviting me to his house to play games and he kept bringing me pizza. I didn’t realize it was his way of helping me feel better until I got broken up with again.
Hecox: So Ryan was kind of mothering?
Padilla: [smiles] Yeah, definitely. We were all immature, since we were all in high school, but he was definitely the most mature of us all.
Hecox: What was he like in high school? Besides being the most mature one in your group of friends?
Padilla: He was…a nerd. We all were. [laughs] None of the girls wanted to date him, but he didn’t really care. The other guys gave him shit about it, but he shrugged it off. He was insanely good with a camera. We all thought he wanted to be a photographer, but he said he actually wanted to be a director one day.
Hecox: Did he become a director?
Padilla: In a way, I guess. When we started the whole Youtube thing, I was always content to let him do the directing in addition to the acting. I know he wanted to try directing movies, though.
Hecox: He liked movies?
Padilla: Yeah. He loved them. He was the type of guy who would go to the cinema at midnight just to see the premiere of the newest Marvel movie.
Hecox: He loved comic book movies?
Padilla: As I said before: he was a nerd. When we were in high school, he used to show me Batman, Wolverine, and Gambit comic books. As we grew up, he began to show more interest in serious movies. You know, those arthouse films. Pretentious movies that I couldn’t stay awake for.
Hecox: Ah. Did he try getting you to watch them?
Padilla: [chuckles] He did. I kept falling asleep, every time, until he eventually just stopped. [sighs] I just—I didn’t, uh. I wish I gave those movies a chance, I mean.
Hecox: You can still watch them now, you know that, right? He may not be here to watch them with you, but if you want to give them a chance, you can still do it. At any rate, it can give you something to write about in your blog.
Padilla: I guess I’ll think about it.
Hecox: If there’s anything I want you to figure out from these sessions, Anthony, it’s this: your best friend may be gone, but you aren’t. If the situations were reversed, I know you wouldn’t want your best friend to stay like this.
Padilla: I know. God, I know. You think that isn’t what Mari’s point was when she told me to go get help? I’ve heard those words directed to me so many times, Ian. They don’t help. There’s this…guilt, and it’s still there, and no matter how many times I hear people tell me that I shouldn’t be wallowing in guilt, I don’t stop. It’s not a switch I can flick whenever I want. You should know this.
Hecox: I know.
Padilla: Good.
Hecox: Why do you feel guilty?
Padilla: I don’t—I, uh, I don’t know.
Hecox: I’m not going to ask you to think about it now. It’s something that we can maybe talk about during a later session, when you’ve had more time to think about your answer. Unless…do you want to talk about it now?
Padilla: No, I uh—I’d appreciate more time.
Hecox: All right. What else do you want to talk about?
Padilla: You. I’ve been talking all these sessions, and you’ve done nothing but listen. I want to hear more about you.
Hecox: If you haven’t noticed, it’s my job to listen.
Padilla: [laughs] I know. I know it’s your job to talk too, so talk.
Hecox: [smiles] All right, what do you want to know?
Padilla: Do you have any hobbies?
Hecox: I play video games, mostly. I run sometimes. I’m a fan of binge-watching shows and movies. What else? Hm, I like driving aimlessly, when I can afford the gas, and sometimes I travel.
Padilla: Any particular place you want to go to?
Hecox: Definitely Japan. I’ve been dreaming of driving a go-kart down city streets in a Mario costume for ages.
Padilla: [laughs] That sounds…dangerous.
Hecox: And fun.
Padilla: Definitely. I want to go to Japan too, but I never really thought about doing that.
Hecox: Hey, you know what? We can totally go to Japan together and do that shit. It would be awesome.
Padilla: [laughs] You’re crazy.
Hecox: I’m not. I will totally let you be Mario if you have an issue with being Luigi, by the way.
Padilla: Uh huh.
Hecox: Or do you want to be Peach instead?
Padilla: [laughs] I’m done with this conversation.
[Hecox laughs]
<COMMAND: DELETE RECORDING?>
<Y>
-.-.-.-
From: Michael Bartlett ([email protected])
To: Daniel Sohinki ([email protected])
Subject: Progress Report
Date: July 28, 2020
Dr. Sohinki,
I have sent you an email requesting a progress report on all of the participants about a week ago. It must have been lost, or there might have been a glitch on the computer’s part, for I haven’t received a reply.
Our clinics are eagerly awaiting the results of your study. It is very fascinating, as you probably already know considering you are one of the grant recipients. I will have to take this time to remind you to make sure your study is as quantitatively accurate as possible. I have read your research proposal once again, and though the board’s previous concerns are still valid—mainly the lack of a constant variable and the difference in the length of sessions for every single participant—I have also thought about the possibilities of this study. Perhaps, instead of treating this as a qualitative research, you can treat this as fifteen separate case-studies?
I look forward to your reply.
Michael F. Bartlett, M.D.
President
Research and Development Division
Bartlett International Clinics
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
RECORD LOG #5 (07/29/2020)
It’s very clear that Ian and Anthony have established something. While it isn’t something I would call friendship quite yet, it’s close to that. It has the potential of becoming that, and I’m excited. A friendship between client and therapist will be able to create a relationship in which said client will not hesitate to share details with said therapist. This foundation of friendship, something I have been looking forward to seeing develop between all the participants and their therapists, is finally appearing in Anthony’s sessions with Dr. Hecox, and I’m glad.
Anthony himself seems to be better. The bags under his eyes are slowly but surely fading away, and his eyes are no longer as bloodshot as they were before. His sessions with Dr. Hecox seem to be helping him, which is great, as that is the reason why he’s having these sessions in the first place.
Yesterday, I received an email from Dr. Michael Bartlett himself. He was asking for progress reports on all of the participants. I find it curious that he emailed me again, considering the fact that I already sent him the progress report last week, immediately after his secretary emailed me. Nonetheless, I emailed him the progress report, with additional information on Participant #15’s (Anthony’s) progress. While I haven’t had time to read over Dr. Hecox’s record log on Anthony (I was too busy compiling information to send to Dr. Bartlett), I will make sure to read it one of these days. I’ve been very busy with my other participants, so I have not been up to date with my records regarding Anthony, but I’ll make sure to read Dr. Hecox’s records to keep up with Anthony’s progress.
-.-.-.-
Hey.
-Anthony P. (2:09 a.m. 03/14/2020)
Come on, Ryan, pick up your fucking phone.
-Anthony P. (2:15 a.m. 03/14/2020)
Don’t be a dick and just answer me, damn it. Just fucking answer me.
-Anthony P. (2:17 a.m. 03/14/2020)
Come on, man, don’t be like this. Please. Just text me back. Call me. I don’t care. Just do something.
-Anthony P. (2:18 a.m. 03/14/2020)
If you come over now, I promise I’ll watch those pretentious foreign films you love so much without falling asleep. I promise. Just get over here, please.
-Anthony P. (2:20 a.m. 03/14/2020)
Ryan, come on, man. Text me back.
-Anthony P. (2:21 a.m. 03/14/2020)
You know what? Fuck you. Fuck you to fucking hell.
-Anthony P. (2:24 a.m. 03/14/2020)
Okay, I didn’t mean that. I’m sorry.
-Anthony P. (2:25 a.m. 03/14/2020)
Just, please. Come over. Call me. Text me.
-Anthony P. (2:26 a.m. 03/14/2020)
You can’t be dead, Ryan. You can’t be.
-Anthony P. (2:27 a.m. 03/14/2020)
Please.
-Anthony P. (2:27 a.m. 03/14/2020)
-.-.-.-
C:\T271130\IAN HECOX\C280916\RECORDS LOG
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF IAN HECOX, PSY.D.
RECORD LOG #7 (07/28/2020)
Anthony’s definitely getting better. While he isn’t as lively as the guy I see on his Youtube videos, he’s getting there, and I’m glad. During today’s session, he finally opened up about his best friend Ryan, talking about how he met Ryan, and what his best friend was like when they were in high school.
It makes me curious—what was Anthony like, back then? I think I would have loved to know him then. Maybe I’ll ask him about that during one of our other sessions.
The most important part of this session, I believe, is when he told me that he felt guilty. This isn’t very surprising—guilt is a common symptom of depression—and while I have a guess as to why he feels guilty, I didn’t tell him about it. This time, I believe I’ll follow the approach of cognitive therapy. I think Anthony will benefit from thinking about this himself.
I look forward to more sessions with Anthony. He’s…refreshing, not to mention incredibly fascinating. I genuinely like spending time with him.
I’ll have to brush up on my knowledge of cognitive therapy.
-.-.-.-
Are you up for some company?
-Mari T. (6:20 p.m. 4/20/2020)
Not really. Thanks, though.
-Anthony P. (6:35 p.m. 4/20/2020)
Anthony, don’t you think you should get some help?
-Mari T. (6:35 p.m. 4/20/2020)
No. I’m fine.
-Anthony P. (6:36 p.m. 4/20/2020)
Anthony, you haven’t been going outside. Every time I go to your apartment, you’re a mess. You’re living on delivery food and crappy microwavable vegan food. You haven’t been doing anything you love for the past month, and your apartment looks like shit.
-Mari T. (6:38 p.m. 4/20/2020)
Tell me how you really feel, Mari, thanks.
-Anthony P. (6:39 p.m. 4/20/2020)
Look, Anthony. I’m your friend. Your “I’m fine” doesn’t fool me. In fact, it makes me worry even more. You won’t talk to anybody past a few sentences. You don’t eat, you don’t exercise, and you don’t do the things you used to love doing. Please, Anthony. You have to take care of yourself.
-Mari T. (6:41 p.m. 4/20/2020)
Mari, thank you for the concern, really. I just need more time. I swear.
-Anthony P. (6:45 p.m. 4/20/2020)
Anthony, if you find things difficult to manage, please remember that I’m here for you. We all are. We’re a text away. Let us help you. Please. We love you, okay? Don’t forget that.
-Mari T. (6:46 p.m. 4/20/2020)
Okay. Thank you.
-Anthony P. (6:47 p.m. 4/20/2020)
And Anthony? I’m not forcing you to make a decision now, but can you please at least consider the idea of going to a psychiatrist? Please? I think going to a few sessions will be able to help you a lot.
-Mari T. (6:47 p.m. 4/20/2020)
Sure. I’ll think about it.
-Anthony P. (6:51 p.m. 4/20/2020)
-.-.-.-
Tuesday, July 28, 2020
Blog Post #8
We talked about Ryan today.
It’s…still hard, talking about him. It’s easier, definitely, but it’s still hard. It’s the good kind of difficulty, though, and even though talking about him is so fucking hard, at the end of the session, I felt lighter.
One thing I didn’t really realize until I had my session with Ian, however, was that I had been feeling guilt, and I hadn’t been paying attention to it. It was only after I told Ian about it that I realized there was a name for whatever the fuck I was feeling, the weight I was constantly bearing, and the relief I felt after finally saying the word was, for lack of a better word, fucking amazing.
Ian asked me why I was feeling guilty. I couldn’t answer him then, not only because I was only discovering for myself what I was feeling, but also because it felt like I had reached my limit. There was only so much talking about Ryan I could do.
So I guess this is the time to start thinking about it.
Why was I feeling guilty? Or, I guess the more correct sentence would be: why do I feel guilty? It’s not like it’s my fault. I wasn’t the guy who was drunk at one in the morning and thought that it would be fantastic to drive down a freeway at 140 miles per hour. I wasn’t the guy who killed Ryan. I wasn’t even the reason why Ryan was on the damn freeway at one in the morning.
I was the freaking best friend who had to find out through frantic phone calls from friends that Ryan fucking died.
If only Ryan hadn’t been on that fucking freeway, things wouldn’t be the way they are now. If only he had waited before driving, or if only he took another route, or if only he hadn’t gone out at that time…
I read somewhere that what ifs can drive you crazy. I guess they’re right, in a way, but this…the cold, harsh reality is so much more damaging than some fantasy. Ryan is gone. Somehow, I still can’t manage to figure that out for myself, because every now and then, I’ll catch myself taking my phone out and sending him a quick text.
I never really thought about what happened to his possessions. I mean, I attended the meeting with his lawyer, and I got his share of the company, but what happened to the more important stuff? Where’s his phone? When I forget that he’s not there anymore, who gets my texts? Where’s his portfolio? Where’s his collection of his old cameras? Where are the comic books he used to collect?
These are things that were important to him. I think I should find out what happened to them. As for the guilt thing…I don’t really know. I’ll need more time to think about it, I guess.
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\OBSERVATION ROOM 1\CAM3\2020.08.04\1201-2400
{CLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
{PASSWORD= ********}
<COMMAND: FAST-FORWARD>
{14:00:47}
Hecox: So, what do you want to talk about?
Padilla: Not Ryan. Actually, no, that’s not right. I mean, I want to talk about him, but not about the stuff I told you during our last session.
Hecox: What stuff?
Padilla: The…guilt thing. That. Before you say anything, I promise you that I am thinking about it, okay? It’s just that I need more time. Figuring out why I’m feeling a certain way is harder than I thought it would be.
Hecox: That’s fine with me. What do you want to talk about?
Padilla: Uhm, right. Last week, after I wrote in my blog, I realized that I didn’t know what happened to Ryan’s stuff. I mean, I know what happened to his apartment, his bank account, his shares of the company, but I don’t know what happened to the smaller things. The more important things.
Hecox: Like?
Padilla: Like his cameras, for example. He was always so careful with his cameras, you know? The really old ones he got when he was a kid were still with him when he was alive, and they were still functional.
Hecox: What else?
Padilla: God, so many other things. There’s his, uh, movie collection and his comic book collection. Who got those? Where’s his phone? His Kindle reader? He, uh—he also had this portfolio, of sorts. There were pictures in it, photographs he had taken over the years. That was extremely important to him, and I didn’t know who had it or if anyone even had it at all.
Hecox: So what did you do? Or, if you haven’t done anything yet, what are you planning to do?
Padilla: I, uh, haven’t actually done anything yet. I mean, I was thinking about asking around, first. After he died, I was just in this…constant sort of daze. Everything was a blur, except for the funeral. The reading of his will and testament happened sometime after the funeral, and even though I was there, I can’t tell you who got what, or what happened to what. So I thought maybe I should start by asking his parents, maybe our friends…
Hecox: That sounds like a good idea, Anthony. If you find out what happened to his things, though, what then? Do you plan on asking for some of them?
Padilla: I…don’t, uh, I mean—I haven’t thought about it. I thought, maybe if I knew where his stuff was, I’d be okay, you know? I’d get some sleep. I won’t be worried about things that weren’t even mine. I hadn’t thought about that.
Hecox: Well, if you knew what you wanted to do, why haven’t you done it yet?
Padilla: Nerves, mostly. His parents and I are kind of close, yeah, but it’s…I don’t know. I’ve been making progress, yeah, but I’m not sure I can handle talking to his parents about their dead son. Talking to them about Ryan and his stuff makes everything seem much more real. I don’t think I’m ready for that.
Hecox: That sounds reasonable. I have a question, and I hope you don’t take this the wrong way, but when do you think you’ll be ready? When do you think you’ll be ready to talk about the guilt? When do you think you’ll be ready to talk to Ryan’s parents? It seems to me that you’re waiting for some kind of sign. Are you?
Padilla: I, uh. [sighs] I mean, I don’t really know. The whole guilt thing, it’s…complicated, I guess.
Hecox: How so?
Padilla: I had been feeling it for months, probably since I found out Ryan died, but I never really had a name for it. Eventually, it became this thing that was just there, you know? I didn’t acknowledge it, so I didn’t know what it was. When I talked to you about it, the word just left my mouth, and…yeah. I realized what it was when I said it out loud. I’m not looking for some sort of sign, no, but I am looking for some kind of explanation. I can honestly tell you that I don’t know where the guilt is coming from and that I need more time to try and figure that out.
Hecox: And the other thing? The conversation you want to have with Ryan’s parents?
Padilla: I don’t know. Maybe I am.
Hecox: What kind of sign are you looking for?
Padilla: A sign that my voice won’t break when I talk to them, maybe? [sighs]
Hecox: I understand that you’re worried about that, but think about this for one second, okay? They’re his parents. They’ve felt the same loss you did. No one will judge you if your voice breaks or if you cry, and your sadness will be understood. Anthony, your emotions are valid and healthy. I want you to know that. You don’t have to hide them, especially not from your friends and family. You understand me?
Padilla: I—yes. Yes. I just—I don’t think I’m ready.
Hecox: When will you be ready? Anthony, avoiding talking about something doesn’t mean it’s not true.
Padilla: I know. I just…I need more time. I need to know what I’m going to say. I need a plan.
Hecox: All right. That sounds good.
Padilla: Hey, Ian?
Hecox: Yeah?
Padilla: Thank you. I, uh, I needed to hear that. What you said. Yeah.
Hecox: It’s no problem, Anthony.
Padilla: Were you saying that as my therapist?
Hecox: I was saying that as your friend who just so happened to also be your therapist, I think.
Padilla [laughs] Nice.
<COMMAND: DELETE RECORDING?>
<Y>
-.-.-.-
We’re fucked.
-Joshua O. (5:14 p.m. 06/09/2020)
Why? What happened?
-Mari T. (5:14 p.m. 06/09/2020)
They’re scheduling auditions for the new Smosh “crew”.
-Joshua O. (5:15 p.m. 06/09/2020)
What?
-Mari T. (5:15 p.m. 06/09/2020)
I guess they couldn’t wait until Anthony got back.
-Joshua O. (5:16 p.m. 06/09/2020)
But that’s a bad move! The fans don’t know these people at all.
-Mari T. (5:17 p.m. 06/09/2020)
I think that’s mainly why they’re making Viners audition. I think they’re hoping that their fanbase can contribute to the Smosh fanbase. Or something.
-Joshua O. (5:19 p.m. 06/09/2020)
Great. That’s just fucking great.
-Mari T. (5:20 p.m. 06/09/2020)
-.-.-.-
C:\T271130\IAN HECOX\C280916\RECORDS LOG
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF IAN HECOX, PSY.D.
RECORD LOG #8 (08/04/2020)
Our session lasted an hour today. It feels like an accomplishment, even though we didn’t really talk the entire time about Ryan. Sometime after we finished talking about Anthony’s need for a “sign”, we started chatting about various other things: his family, my life outside the clinic, et cetera.
I have to admit, it surprised me when Anthony more or less admitted that he was looking for a sign. I had always thought Anthony had an internal locus of control, the kind of person who believed in their having control over events in their lives, but the need for “signs” points to the contrary. Or, perhaps, I am right, and the need for “signs”—a sure indicator of an external locus of control—has just arisen lately, when Ryan died and Anthony started feeling like he couldn’t control the events in his life.
We haven’t discussed symptoms yet, though some of his more visible symptoms are slowly fading away. I believe Anthony won’t need psychotropic medication.
The use of cognitive therapy has been great, so far. It’s taking time for Anthony to fully open up, and though it is a painstakingly slow process, I can understand why it’s difficult for him to undergo these sessions and I am doing my best to be as patient with him as possible. Hopefully, Anthony will be able to tell me more (and for a longer duration of time) on our next session.
-.-.-.-
Tuesday, August 4, 2020
Blog Post #9
Ian’s right, as always.
I talked to him today about possibly finding out what happened to the rest of Ryan’s stuff, and he told me that maybe I shouldn’t get hung up over talking to Ryan’s parents. He told me that it seems like I’m looking for some sort of sign before I go to their place and talk to them, and in a way, I guess he’s right.
In another way, I think he’s wrong.
It’s not that I’m looking for a sign, I think, because I’m not. I never believed in signs, and I’m not about to start believing in them now. I think—and this is something I haven’t told Ian—I can’t just go and talk to Ryan’s parents because there’s still guilt there. I’m still feeling guilty. And I think I finally know why.
I think the reason why I feel guilty is because it should have been me. It should have been me driving down that freeway, and it should have been me who’s dead now. I know it’s stupid, thinking that I could somehow trade his life for mine, but I know that if I were given the chance, I would take it. Ryan is a much better person than I am, and he deserves better than dying before he got to live his dream.
I shouldn’t feel guilty. I know that. I wasn’t the cause of his accident. It’s just…why him? Why not me? What on earth could I have possibly done to be given the chance to live when he’s a much better person than me and he’s dead?
It’s a stupid thought, but I just can’t ignore it. Having to face his parents with that thought in mind? Not exactly something I want to do anytime soon, I think.
I’m going to have to talk to Ian about this. It will be hard to say, but in the end, it will be good for me. Right?
I don’t even know anymore. I do know one thing, though: I have never been more in touch with emotions than now, and if Ryan were here to see this, he would be proud.
-.-.-.-
From: Daniel Sohinki ([email protected])
To: Joseph Reeds ([email protected])
Subject: T271130
Date: July 30, 2020
I need your help. I can’t access Dr. Hecox’s record logs. This wasn’t a problem before, so I’m wondering why it’s a problem now.
While it’s not exactly making it impossible for me to see Participant #15’s progress—I still have the surveillance camera videos to look at—it’s definitely making it harder for me. Plus, there’s the added problem of me not being able to monitor Dr. Hecox’s thoughts about Participant #15, something that I sorely need for the completion of this study.
Now whether being locked out of his files is a result of a virus or him purposefully locking me out remains to be figured out. I was hoping I could get some help from you. I need those files, fast. And before you ask, yes, I tried accessing other therapists’ record logs. I didn’t have any problems accessing their files.
I hope you respond quickly.
-Daniel
-.-.-.-
C:\T271130\IAN HECOX\C280916\PERSONAL
August 4, 2020 (Tuesday)
I needed another place to write my thoughts down about Anthony, so I created this. The record log, as much as I appreciate it, doesn’t seem to be the right place to write all these thoughts down in. Not only is that meant to be professional, it’s also something Dr. Sohinki can view anytime he pleases. And as much as I respect the man, I think my sessions with Anthony should be private.
Yes, I know that the only reason why they’re not private is because Anthony is currently one of the participants in Dr. Sohinki’s study, and yes, I know that once the study is over, clients who choose to undergo Dr. Sohinki’s brand of psychotherapy will have the privacy they deserve, but I think Anthony, with the recent loss of his best friend, deserves better than strangers watching his sessions. I’m aware this makes it sound like Anthony deserves more than the rest of the participants in Dr. Sohinki’s study, and I’m aware that I sound selfish, but I couldn’t not do anything. The thought of Dr. Sohinki being privy to my conversations with Anthony rubs me the wrong way.
I locked my record logs. I know this doesn’t seem like the most intelligent thing I’ve ever done, but I needed to do something. After going to Dr. Sohinki’s office to transfer some papers from my hard drive to his computer and finding the progress report he was going to send to Dr. Bartlett, I knew I had to do something. I disabled the email and deleted the attachment. I decided right then and there that my record logs should be private.
I feel…protective of Anthony. While it isn’t exactly a bad feeling to have per se, and while it isn’t uncommon for therapists to feel that way for their clients, it still feels weird. He’s a genuinely nice person, the kind of person you know deserves better in this world, and it’s very obvious that he cares a lot for the people who are close to him.
The conversation we had today after our talk about Ryan was enjoyable. It certainly felt like we were friends chatting on a normal day, not a therapist and a client talking about various things just to pass the time. I think, if I had met Anthony in different circumstances, we could have been actual friends who have an actual history together.
There’s no use thinking about that, though. It would be much better for me to just focus on the here and now.
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\OBSERVATION ROOM 1\CAM3\2020.08.11\1201-2400
{CLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
{PASSWORD= ********}
<COMMAND: FAST-FORWARD>
{14:02:26}
Padilla: I haven’t been honest with you.
Hecox: Oh?
Padilla: Well, no, I was honest with you. I just kind of figured something out after our session.
Hecox: What is it?
Padilla: I’m not looking for a sign. I don’t believe in signs, Ian. I think…it’s the guilt that’s stopping me from seeing his parents.
Hecox: Have you figured out why you feel guilty?
Padilla: I think it’s because…it should have been me. Yeah, it’s a stupid thought, but it’s just—why him? Of all people?
Hecox: Yes, but in the long run, why anybody?
Padilla: What do you mean?
Hecox: I mean…this line of thought is going to torture you. Death is a part of life. It’s a natural thing.
Padilla: There was nothing natural with the way he died. He didn’t die in his sleep, Ian. He died because some drunk idiot thought it would be great to be fast and furious at one in the morning.
Hecox: All right, I’ll give you that. The point is…you can’t trade your life for his. Maybe you wish you could, but what it all boils down to is that you can’t. Now, are you really going to spend the rest of your life guilty over something you cannot control?
Padilla: I know it’s stupid to feel guilty, okay? I do. I just can’t stop. If I were the dead one, Ryan would be handling things much better than me.
Hecox: Okay, let me ask you something.
Padilla: …all right, what is it?
Hecox: Does a person’s ability or inability to handle grief well determine their worthiness to stay alive?
Padilla: [sighs] No.
Hecox: Then there you go.
Padilla: I—
Hecox: Anthony, Ryan’s death isn’t your fault.
Padilla: I know that.
Hecox: Well then, I’m going to tell you something you don’t know.
Padilla: Which is?
Hecox: Nobody thinks Ryan’s death is your fault. No one. Not your friends, not your family, and definitely not his parents. You’re the only one who thinks you should be blamed for something you didn’t do.
Padilla: I—okay. Yeah, you’re right. I just—God, everything’s so fucking hard.
Hecox: Hopefully not as hard as they were right after Ryan’s death.
Padilla: No. God, no. Those days were terrible. Don’t get me wrong—every day is still a fucking struggle. I’m constantly tired, although there are days when I’m more tired than usual, and it’s taking me everything that I’ve got to keep on going. But it’s no longer like before.
Hecox: What was before like?
Padilla: It was…me, exhausted all the time. It was me losing my sense of time, me forgetting to do basic things like eating or taking a shower, me not wanting to contact anybody because I didn’t want to bother them. Before was me being constantly tired, yet not being tired enough to actually fall asleep. Sometimes, I would just, uh, wake up in the middle of the night.
Hecox: Nightmares?
Padilla: Yeah.
Hecox: And now?
Padilla: Sometimes, I still can’t sleep, but it’s not as often as before. I keep a watch on me all the time now, so I’ll know what time it is. When I’m up for it, I try to go and get some groceries. I’m still tired, but it’s not bone-deep anymore.
Hecox: What about work?
Padilla: What about it?
Hecox: How is it?
Padilla: It’s, uhm. I, uh, don’t really know, to be honest. I, uh, took some much-needed paid-leave.
Hecox: Oh?
Padilla: Yeah. After his death, I couldn’t—it was hard. It was hard to see the same faces and act out scripts he helped write. I don’t think I was ready to see another director, either. I just—I knew that once I was there, it would just be me doing the acting, and I just don’t think I was ready to do all that without him.
Hecox: And now? Do you think you’re ready to go to work?
Padilla: Honestly? I don’t think so. Not yet. I mean, I can see myself slowly appearing on videos again, but not handling everything full-time.
Hecox: That seems fair. Are you going to do that?
Padilla: Maybe? I haven’t thought about it. It’s a possibility, at least.
Hecox: You should think about it. It seems to me that you’ve been slowly introducing yourself to a life without Ryan. It’s been months since his death, so maybe it’s time for you to learn how to work without him by your side.
Padilla: I guess. I—yeah, okay, I’ll think about it.
<COMMAND: DELETE RECORDING?>
<Y>
-.-.-.-
C:\T271130\IAN HECOX\C280916\RECORDS LOG
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF IAN HECOX, PSY.D.
RECORD LOG #9 (08/11/2020)
The use of cognitive therapy—or, more specifically, Rational-Emotive Behavior Therapy—has been a good choice on my part. I believe that Anthony has made significant progress today, especially since he has figured out the cause of his guilt. Because he has figured out the underlying cause of his emotion, I was able to help him convert his irrational thought to a more rational one, though of course the result remains to be seen.
I was correct in my assumption—Anthony does have an internal locus of control. I was, however, incorrect in thinking that he was looking for some sort of sign. I suppose that’s something I would have to work on—I can’t handle future clients when I’m assuming things as important as this.
Anthony and I talked about his symptoms for a little bit. He mentioned feeling tired all the time, forgetfulness, as well as the inability to keep track of time—all of which are common symptoms of depression. Thankfully, according to him, now isn’t as bad as before, so these sessions are definitely helping him. While the healthy pinkness of his cheeks that I saw on his previous videos isn’t there yet, he’s definitely not as pale as he was during our earlier sessions. The bags under his eyes aren’t as big, either, so I assume the nightmares now aren’t as bad as the nightmares before.
While we were on the subject of then versus now, I took the time to ask him about how now is for him. He said it wasn’t as bad as before, and he told me that he was slowly piecing himself back together by making sure to track the time and going out when he felt like he could do it.
Anthony hasn’t been working for the past few months. I told him that maybe he should consider easing himself into that, as well, although I understand if it takes him longer to integrate himself back into that part of his life since it’s in that part where the loss of his best friend is most noticeable. Still, I believe slowly inserting himself back into the everyday workings of the brand he helped create will be very beneficial for him.
This session has been a success. We talked for more than an hour, which is so much more than I expected or hoped for. I hope this continues for our next sessions.
-.-.-.-
From: Joseph Reeds ([email protected])
To: Daniel Sohinki ([email protected])
Subject: RE: T271130
Date: August 3, 2020
Hey, Daniel. You mentioned not having the same problem with the other therapists’ records, yeah? This makes me doubt it’s a virus. Now, I’m not saying that Dr. Hecox purposefully locked you out of his records, but it definitely is a possibility. Have you tried politely asking him if he can provide access to you once again?
If it remains a problem, I can always head over there and forcefully open his hard drive’s backdoor so we can get the files you need. Just send me an e-mail or something.
-Joseph
-.-.-.-
Tuesday, August 11, 2020
Blog Post #10
Talking about what it was like months ago, when Ryan dying seemed more like an idea than a reality made me realize just how much better I’ve been handling everything. Don’t get me wrong—I’m still not handling things as well as I would like, but at least I’m making some progress. Of course, I’m not the only reason why I’ve been slowly improving, so I have to at least give credit where credit is due. I have to thank Ian for being a really cool and patient therapist who never so much as lost his temper around me, and of course, I have to thank Mari and the guys for checking up on me and supporting me every step of the way.
I’m not yet recovered. I’m far from it, even, but at least I’m moving forward, right? Baby steps. I’m going to make it.
Ian suggested the possibility of me going back to work. It’s…I don’t know. I’m not really sure how I feel about it, and even though I would love going back and working with the gang, I’m just not sure if I can be in an entire video without Ryan by my side. I might go to the offices one of these days, though, although I’ll probably just approve some scripts or something. I’m definitely not ready for filming videos without him yet, but maybe I’ll be able to do some voice recordings for our cartoons. Maybe. I don’t know anything for sure yet.
After talking about Ryan, Ian and I talked about other things. Different things. It actually kind of surprised me when I looked at my watch and saw that we had been talking for two hours straight. I know I’ve said it before, but I can see myself being friends with him if only he weren’t my therapist. He’s very passionate about first person shooter games and food, and I know that if Ryan were alive, they would get along.
Of course, if Ryan were alive, I probably would never have met Ian.
Ian’s a coffee addict. Whenever I go to the observation room, he almost always has a cup of coffee with him. He’s also, as he told me before, ridiculously terrible at platformers, which I didn’t know was actually possible in real life. He says he’s had his haircut for years now, and his favorite color’s blue.
These are details that I normally won’t think twice about, but now I appreciate them for what they are—facets of Ian’s personality. It’s comforting to see the man behind the therapist, you know? I think, at the very start of this whole thing, I was imagining my therapist to be a shrink who could somehow learn your entire life story by merely glancing at you. Now that I actually know better, the fact that I know little details about Ian as well makes me feel better. It makes me feel like we’re actually friends, not a therapist and a fucked up patient with serious codependency issues with his dead best friend.
Ian (and this is something I will never tell him) is exactly my type.
I figured this out in the middle of our conversation earlier today. He’s brunette, blue-eyed, and a dog person. He’s funny, nerdy, and adorable as fuck. I can see myself possibly asking him on a date.
I can also see myself possibly getting turned down, so I guess it’s a moot point.
And anyway, he’s my therapist. I’m pretty sure dating your therapist is at least frowned upon, if not illegal, right?
-.-.-.-
C:\T271130\IAN HECOX\C280916\PERSONAL
August 11, 2020 (Tuesday)
It’s been clearer than ever that Anthony’s making progress, and I can’t be prouder. He’s smiling more often now, and our conversations are both longer and more enjoyable. In between serious conversations about his state of mind and his best friend, we talk about various things, things like the newest gaming console, and the Rogue movie Marvel’s talking about producing. He’s a geek, which isn’t surprising, and he’s really passionate about animal’s rights, which is.
I wish I could have known him before. It’s uncomfortable, wanting things you can’t do anything about, but they’re still good thoughts. Anthony’s the kind of guy you would be proud to introduce to your parents, although that probably applies more to lovers than to friends.
Dr. Sohinki has been trying to open my records lately. It’s making me nervous, yes, but he hasn’t done anything too drastic yet, so I haven’t done anything drastic as well. I know the records are an integral part of his study, but I just want to keep my thoughts about Anthony’s progress to myself. I don’t like the idea of Dr. Sohinki reading what is basically a compilation of my thoughts about Anthony. He asked me politely first, though, and when I refused, he had turned a startling shade of red. He’s been trying to snoop in my hard drive ever since.
I just want this study to be over. I want to get Anthony as far away from this as possible. I don’t want future researchers poring over what Anthony (and the other participants) experienced, and I definitely don’t want Anthony’s depression to be some sort of stepping stone for Dr. Sohinki’s career advancement.
I want to take Anthony far away from this place.
-.-.-.-
SG SQUAD (Joshua Ovenshire, Mari Takahashi, David Moss, Wesley Johnson, Amra Ricketts, Matt Sohinki)
9:15 PM – 06/23/2020
Joshua: guess what
David: what?
Joshua: the got someone
Joshua: *they
Wes: what do you mean they got someone
Mari: Is this about the auditions? The crew the bosses wanted to form?
Joshua: @ mari yes
Joshua: @ wes what mari said
Wes: does anthony even know about this??? shouldnt he know about this????
Amra: Technically, they can do things like these and not tell him. Anthony may be the face of Smosh, but he’s technically not the owner anymore.
Matt: I’m pretty sure the fans will be pissed.
Joshua: im just hoping they wont be pissed at anthony
Mari: They won’t be pissed at Anthony. Give them some credit.
Joshua: you’re right
Amra: How many people are they planning on bringing in?
David: Last I heard, they were talking about getting at least five people.
Matt: Yeah no, that’s not a good idea.
Mari: You think?
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
RECORD LOG #6 (08/05/2020)
I still can’t access Dr. Hecox’s records despite using my administrator privileges on his hard drive, so I have had to resort to watching the recordings instead. So far, I like what I’m seeing—the friendship between the therapist and client that is the basically the basis of this whole research is definitely present in Anthony’s sessions with Dr. Hecox now, and as I had predicted, it’s this friendship that allows Anthony to share more details about himself with his therapist. There’s a stark difference between his earlier sessions with Dr. Hecox and his sessions with Dr. Hecox now. Before, their sessions would barely last half an hour. Now, their latest session lasted an hour.
As happy as I am with Anthony’s progress, however, I’m still worried about my inability to access Dr. Hecox’s files. Because I can’t read his record logs, I can’t monitor his progress as a therapist, and it worries me that he might be making the wrong decisions. I’ve e-mailed Joseph about this, and he says he’ll be able to go here and fix it in a few weeks. Then again, I haven’t actually tried asking Dr. Hecox politely, so maybe that’s the way to go?
From what I can gather, Dr. Hecox has chosen to use cognitive therapy as an approach to battling Anthony’s depression. It’s not very surprising that he chose this. What is surprising, however, is the fact that he only chose this now. In one of my older record logs, I wondered why Dr. Hecox seemed to prefer humanistic therapy as opposed to cognitive therapy in helping clients with depression. Now that he switched methods, I’m more curious as to what his reasoning is. I’m also curious as to how this will affect Anthony in the course of the study—is Dr. Hecox’s decision to start with a humanistic approach before switching to a cognitive approach a more efficient way to deal help clients with depression? Then again, we might never know since the entire point of this study is to tailor sessions according to what the client needs, and no two clients are exactly alike.
I’ll have to talk to Dr. Hecox one of these days. If that doesn’t work, I might actually have to physically bring Joseph here to help me with this problem.
-.-.-.-
From: Daniel Sohinki ([email protected])
To: Joseph Reeds ([email protected])
Subject: RE: RE: T271130
Date: August 7, 2020
I tried asking him very politely for access to the files, but he refused to give me access. I was hoping there was just a virus in his hard drive that was stopping me from accessing the files, but I’m thinking that’s not the case. It seems like he’s purposefully keeping me out of his records, though I can’t for the life of me figure out why.
I’m going to need you here. I’ve been trying to figure out ways to get access to his hard drive, but I’ve been failing. There’s a reason why between the two of us, I chose Psychology and you chose Software Engineering and Information Technology. I’ve never been good at programming.
Do you think you can maybe find time to get over here? I want to get this looked at before Participant #15’s sessions draw to a close. I have a feeling he’ll be finished with therapy in a few more sessions or so.
Reply when you can.
-Daniel
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\OBSERVATION ROOM 1\CAM3\2020.08.18\1201-2400
{CLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
{PASSWORD= ********}
<COMMAND: FAST-FORWARD>
{13:58:13}
Hecox: You know, this is your tenth session with me.
Padilla: Are we celebrating?
Hecox: I don’t know. Do you want to? I think I can get some donuts delivered to this place or something.
Padilla: [laughs] I’m good, thanks.
Hecox: We’re probably going to have to end your sessions soon.
Padilla: I thought the whole point of this kind of therapy is that sessions aren’t timed?
Hecox: Well yeah, but I mean, you’re not going to need it pretty soon. You’ve been improving by leaps and bounds.
Padilla: Are you trying to get rid of me, Ian?
Hecox: [laughs] Never.
Padilla: Good.
Hecox: Have you, uh, thought about maybe going back to work?
Padilla: I’ve been thinking about it, but nothing’s sure yet. I haven’t texted my friends either. I just don’t want to disappoint them if it turns out that I can’t do it yet.
Hecox: That’s fair.
Padilla: I thought you aren’t getting rid of me?
Hecox: [laughs] Oh shut up. You know it’s my job as both your therapist and your friend to help you do all the things you used to do. Going to work is one of those.
Padilla: I know, I know. I’m thankful for that, by the way, in case you don’t know.
Hecox: I know.
Padilla: Let’s talk about something else.
Hecox: Okay, what do you want to talk about?
Padilla: Anything. You. I just, I don’t know. We’re friends, right?
Hecox: Yeah. Of course.
Padilla: Well, I just don’t want to—I don’t know—lose contact with you. I mean, uh, yeah. You know what I mean. I know we can’t see each other outside the clinic.
Hecox: Ah, yeah. Okay, so what do you want to know?
Padilla: I don’t know, anything. If you weren’t a therapist, what do you think you would be today?
Hecox: I don’t—uh, that’s kind of a hard question.
Padilla: Just try.
Hecox: Probably, uh, a scriptwriter, or maybe an author.
Padilla: You like writing?
Hecox: Well, I haven’t tried it yet, but I love reading, and I thought maybe someday, you know, I’d get to create things myself.
Padilla: What about being a journalist?
Hecox: That’s also a possibility, although I doubt I would become one. Journalists are…strict, I guess is the word. They’re all about hard facts. I think I’m more about creativity than truth.
Padilla: That makes sense.
Hecox: What about you? If you weren’t a Youtuber, what would you be?
Padilla: It’s…hard to say. I want to say I would be a software engineer of some sort, maybe a programmer.
Hecox: Oh?
Padilla: Is it surprising to you?
Hecox: Yeah, kinda. You know how to code?
Padilla: I used to. I mean, I know the basics—HTML, maybe some Python, but I’m pretty rusty. When I was a kid, I spent some of my free time designing websites for small businesses. Now, I haven’t had as much time to teach myself how to code, so it’s not really surprising that I’ve forgotten a lot of what I’ve learned before.
Hecox: Did you always want to be a programmer?
Padilla: Well, I didn’t know the term for it back then yet, but I always wanted to develop my own video games, you know? I never thought of becoming a Youtuber. Then again, when I was a kid, Youtube wasn’t even created yet, so.
Hecox: Maybe one of these days we should teach ourselves those skills. I can teach myself how to write and you can teach yourself how to code. Maybe we can develop a video game together.
Padilla: I doubt it. [laughs]
Hecox: I doubt it too, honestly, but hey, we can always dream.
<COMMAND: DELETE RECORDING?>
<Y>
-.-.-.-
C:\T271130\IAN HECOX\C280916\PERSONAL
August 18, 2020 (Tuesday)
We didn’t talk about Ryan or Anthony’s depression at all during our session. Instead, we merely talked about him and me, as well as various dreams and aspirations I never fully realized until we talked about them today.
There’s a dual relationship there that I cannot ignore any further. Despite the lack of a romantic relationship between the two of us, I can’t deny that our friendship has slowly been clouding my judgment. I should have been alarmed the moment I decided that locking Dr. Sohinki out of my records was a good thing. By sharing more than was necessary about myself and by spending this entire session talking about things that will not benefit Anthony’s progress in anyway, I’ve been violating the American Psychological Association’s code of ethics.
Then again, should I be surprised? This entire research study Dr. Sohinki is conducting is basically a violation of the code of ethics. If he really does want his therapists to be friends with their clients, then he’s asking them to form dual relationships with their clients, something that has the very big possibility of clouding their judgment and making it very difficult for them to think about their clients objectively.
Speaking of Dr. Sohinki, he has been trying even harder to access my records. I’ve been trying my best to avoid Dr. Sohinki, which isn’t as hard to do as I thought it would be. These past few days, Dr. Sohinki has been really busy. According to Melanie, Dr. Sohinki has been attending meetings and seminars, since most of the participants have been finishing their sessions with their therapists. This research study is really nearing the end. I’m wondering how I’ll be able to see Anthony outside the clinic.
The thought of possibly being something else than a therapist is refreshing. It’s not anything I thought about before, but the idea of developing a video game with Anthony is something that I really, really want.
It’s weird, wanting something you can’t have.
-.-.-.-
From: Joseph Reeds ([email protected])
To: Daniel Sohinki ([email protected])
Subject: RE: RE: RE: T271130
Date: August 11, 2020
Hey man. Sorry, but I don’t think I’ll be able to go to your clinics for at least two weeks. The boss sent me and a couple of others to an important convention in Germany. I would give you instructions on how to pry open his hard drive, but we both know just how shit you are at programming, so I won’t bother.
I’m really, really sorry. I’ll be there before you know it, though.
-Joseph
-.-.-.-
Tuesday, August 18, 2020
Blog Post #11
I’m an idiot.
I spent the entire session talking to Ian about everything except Ryan and my depression. Instead of talking about why I needed the sessions with him in the first place, I talked to him about things that I’m not exactly sure I should know. Surely there has to be some kind of rule against clients knowing their therapist’s personal stuff. I know I read somewhere that therapists should be professional with their clients, and this is definitely way past professional.
Ian’s…something. I don’t know. He makes me want to do things again. He makes me want to be a better person. And, fuck, maybe this is because he’s my therapist and he knows my vulnerable shit, but I feel like…there’s something between us.
I sound like such a teenage girl.
I can’t date him. I know that much, at least. But maybe…maybe once he’s not my therapist, I’ll be able to ask him out on a date?
What the fuck did I get myself into?
-.-.-.-
SG SQUAD (Joshua Ovenshire, Mari Takahashi, David Moss, Wesley Johnson, Amra Ricketts, Matt Sohinki)
10:17 PM – 07/08/2020
David: Did you guys see the new crew?
Amra: They got people already?
David: Yeah.
Matt: Does Anthony know?
Joshua: probably not
Mari: Great. Awesome.
Matt: Hey, but Anthony’s doing therapy sessions now, though. He’ll probably be back in a month or two.
Joshua: as much as i want anthony back, i want him to get better more. i don’t want to suddenly expose him to stress
Mari: I agree. I think we should just deal with this as much as we can. I don’t want to call Anthony in when he’s still not okay.
Matt: Okay. That sounds fair.
-.-.-.-
C:\T271130\IAN HECOX\C280916\RECORDS LOG
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF IAN HECOX, PSY.D.
RECORD LOG #10 (08/18/2020)
Anthony’s symptoms have been fading in time, and today, I can almost say that Anthony’s back to his previous self. I know that it’s pretentious to claim that merely ten sessions have made Anthony the way he is today, so I’m not going to do that. What I am going to do is give credit where credit is due: I know Anthony has been slowly helping himself, finding the energy to do the things he more or less stopped doing when his depression was extremely bad.
There are definitely still some more issues to address. Coping with loss is a long process that I am willing to help him with, so even though he’s definitely better than before, I do not feel comfortable stopping our sessions, not when I know there are still some things we need to talk about.
It won’t be long until Anthony will stop needing therapy sessions with me.
I’m not sure how I feel about that.
-.-.-.-
Hey.
-Anthony P. (6:29 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Hey man, what’s up? How are you? How are the sessions going?
-Matt S. (6:32 p.m. 08/19/2020)
I’m fine, thanks. I’m actually thinking of going back to work one of these days.
-Anthony P. (6:33 p.m. 08/19/2020)
That’s great. It hasn’t been the same without you, man. Did the sessions help?
-Matt S. (6:34 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Yeah, they did. Thanks, man.
-Anthony P. (6:34 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Anytime. You know we’re here for you.
-Matt S. (6:34 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Thanks. I appreciate it. I have a question for you, actually.
-Anthony P. (6:38 p.m. 08/19/2020)
What is it?
-Matt S. (6:38 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Is there a possibility for therapists to date their clients?
-Anthony P. (6:43 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Sorry, that was stupid. Forget I said anything. I’ll just google it or something.
-Anthony P. (6:45 p.m. 08/19/2020)
I was just asking because maybe your brother tells you things about this kind of thing.
-Anthony P. (6:46 p.m. 08/19/2020)
He doesn’t. But, uh, Anthony, that’s not something you should do.
-Matt S. (6:48 p.m. 08/19/2020)
I know that. But is it legal?
-Anthony P. (6:49 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Anthony, you can’t date your therapist. While it is legal, it can get your therapist fired. They can also lose their license.
-Matt S. (6:51 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Okay.
-Anthony P. (6:52 p.m. 08/19/2020)
-.-.-.-
From: Joseph Reeds ([email protected])
To: Daniel Sohinki ([email protected])
Subject: You still need me there?
Date: August 14, 2020
Hey, so I’ve been looking at flights. Do you still need me there? Because if you do, I’ll need to book a flight and a hotel. I’m looking at going either on the 24th or the 25th.
Reply as soon as you can.
-Joseph
-.-.-.-
Don’t date your therapist.
- Mari T. (8:02 p.m. 08/19/2020)
I wasn’t thinking about it.
-Anthony P. (8:03 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Sohinki told me you texted him. Don’t lie.
-Mari T. (8:03 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Is it really that bad?
-Anthony P. (8:03 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Yes! Anthony, this is your therapist we’re talking about. He knows all the personal stuff you won’t even tell us.
-Mari T. (8:06 p.m. 08/19/2020)
So?
-Anthony P. (8:06 p.m. 08/19/2020)
So? So this guy is your therapist. He was hired to help you through the tough times. If you get into a relationship with him, how would you know where to draw the line? How do you figure out if he’s being your boyfriend or if he’s being your therapist? Not to mention the fact that if he were both at the same time, there would be a conflict of interest between those two roles someday, and then where would you be?
-Mari T. (8:10 p.m. 08/19/2020)
It’s a bad idea, Anthony. Just don’t do it.
-Mari T. (8:11 p.m. 08/19/2020)
I know. God, I know. I’m not interested in dating him while he’s my therapist, though, so would it be okay once I’ve ended my sessions with him?
-Anthony P. (8:12 p.m. 08/19/2020)
That’s something you’re going to have to ask him. Ask yourself this, though: do you really want to date him? Is it at all possible that you’re feeling the way you are because his job is to make you feel secure and safe?
-Mari T. (8:14 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Possibly? I don’t know. But shouldn’t I get to have the chance to figure that out for myself?
-Anthony P. (8:15 p.m. 08/19/2020)
It’s a bad idea. But if you really want to take a chance, I’m not stopping you. I recommend that you ask your therapist if it’s possible first, though. Don’t fuck yourself over and take care of yourself.
-Mari T. (8:17 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Okay. Thank you, Mari.
-Anthony P. (8:18 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Hey, Anthony? We miss you.
-Mari T. (8:18 p.m. 08/19/2020)
I’ll be back at work before you know it, I promise.
-Anthony P. (8:19 p.m. 08/19/2020)
Thank you.
-Anthony P. (8:19 p.m. 08/19/2020)
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
RECORD LOG #7 (08/19/2020)
Joseph will be here to resolve the problem with Dr. Hecox’s records in less than a week. While I’m excited to see my old college buddy again, I have to admit that I’m more excited to finally be able to access Dr. Hecox’s files. I’ve been looking through the latest recordings of his sessions with Anthony, and I can see that with the way things are going, Anthony won’t need those sessions sooner than he thinks. I’m thinking maybe five hour-long sessions or less will be enough, though of course, it all depends on how they will choose to use their time.
One thing I do have to take note of is their last session. While the study focuses on a close relationship between the therapist and the client, I never imagined it would reach the point it has reached between Dr. Hecox and Anthony. For one, during their last session, instead of the close relationship between them encouraging the two of them to talk about Anthony’s experiences regarding depression, they talked about other things—things that aren’t necessarily important to talk about in such an environment. Anthony, in particular, brought up the subject of not wanting to not see Dr. Hecox, again.
Another thing that surprised me is that not only did Dr. Hecox acquiesce to Anthony’s request for him to talk about himself, he also continued talking about himself even when Anthony wasn’t trying to convince him anymore. It makes me worry that a dual relationship has been formed there, yes, but more than that, it makes me worry that perhaps Dr. Hecox isn’t the same as he was.
It’s not in my—or anyone’s, really—best interest to jump into conclusions, so I’m not going to assume anything until I know what is happening for sure. Joseph will be arriving on the 24th, so I won’t have to wait long for answers. Until then, I can only look through the other participants’ files and start compiling the data that I have gathered so I can formally publish my findings.
One thing that is important to note, though: this didn’t happen in any of the other participants’ sessions.
-.-.-.-
From Superfame, 17th of July, 2020:
The Future of Smosh
It’s been almost four months since Anthony Padilla announced on Twitter that he won’t be appearing on Smosh videos for a while, and he has stayed true to his word. It has been four months since the fans have heard from him, and though the Smosh Games crew have stepped in to help with some of the brand’s series (their Friday videos, for example, as well as their numerous cartoons), it has become more and more apparent that it’s not enough.
Earlier today, during Smosh’s Friday video entitled “LEGOS HAVE FEELINGS!” fans of the Smosh brand were introduced to the “new Smosh crew”. The crew, composed of Viners we know and love (Olivia Sui, Courtney Miller, and Shayne Topp) and newcomers to the online community (Noah Grossman and Keith Leak Jr.) were met with mixed reactions from fans.
While a lot of the fans were excited for the new crew, there were some who were less than pleased with the new addition to the brand.
Meanwhile, Anthony has yet to issue a statement on the new addition to the brand. For the past four months, he has been absolutely silent on all of his social media accounts, making his fans understandably worried. The Smosh Games crew have each taken to Twitter to help dispel some of the rumors that have been popping up these last couple of weeks, including the infamous “Anthony killed himself” rumor. Mari Takahashi, in particular, tweeted this:
Mari Takahashi (@AtomicMari)
Anthony's not dead. He's taking some time for himself, and we all support him and his decisions. Thank you for being concerned, guys. :)
7:59 PM – 15 July 2020
One thing does have to be said about the brand: they’re branching out more. With the introduction of the new crew came the announcement of two new shows, though the titles of the shows have yet to be announced. This may be a move on the part of the brand, seeing as after Anthony Padilla announced his indefinite absence from the channel, Smosh lost about 20,000 subscribers from the main channel alone. Though the future of the Smosh brand may be uncertain, the fans can at least rest assured that the brand will, for the time being, continue on.
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\LOBBY\CAM1\2020.08.25\1201-2400
{UNCLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
<COMMAND: FAST-FORWARD>
{13:58:19}
[Padilla enters]
Padilla: Hey, Mel.
Moat: Hi, Anthony. Here for your usual appointment?
Padilla: Uh, yeah.
Moat: Okay, I’ll go ask if Dr. Hecox can see you now.
Padilla: Thanks, Mel.
Moat: [frowns] Uh, it says that your appointment was cancelled.
Padilla: What?
Moat: So I’m guessing Dr. Sohinki didn’t tell you your appointment was cancelled. Or Dr. Hecox, for that matter.
Padilla: No.
Moat: Well, it says that Dr. Sohinki apparently cancelled your session, so… [sighs] All right, let me go and ask Dr. Sohinki if, you know, there’s been a mistake or something.
Padilla: Okay, yeah, thanks for doing that.
[Moat leaves]
[Padilla walks to couch in reception area]
[Padilla sighs]
Moat: Hey, sorry for making you wait for so long. Uh, so Dr. Hecox is apparently on an indefinite leave of absence, and he forgot to file it, so Dr. Sohinki did it for him. I’m sorry.
Padilla: [chuckles] Yeah, he’s forgetful like that. Anyway, uh, do you know when he’ll be back? Should I come back next week?
Moat: You know, I really don’t know. He probably will be, but I’m not sure. Dr. Sohinki has your number on file, so I’ll just call you once I know for sure if your appointment’s been cancelled for next week too or something, okay?
Padilla: Yeah. That sounds good. Thanks, Mel.
Moat: Anytime. Sorry for the inconvenience, though.
Padilla: Don’t worry about it. I understand completely.
<COMMAND: DELETE RECORDING?>
<N>
-.-.-.-
Where are you?
-Daniel S. (4:20 p.m. 08/24/2020)
Wait, plane just landed. Went to the bathroom, sorry.
-Joseph H. (4:26 p.m. 08/24/2020)
Okay. I’ll meet you at baggage claim?
-Daniel S. (4:27 p.m. 08/24/2020)
Sounds good. I’ll meet you in a few.
-Joseph H. (4:28 p.m. 08/24/2020)
-.-.-.-
Tuesday, August 25, 2020
Blog Post #12
I didn’t meet with Ian today. I was disappointed, since I was kind of hoping I would get to ask him about, uh, yeah. That thing. The thing. I can’t ask him out until I know how many more sessions I would need to have with him, though, so yeah.
I know I shouldn’t expect him to tell me every little thing about himself, but I have to admit that a little part of me was hurt when Melanie told me that Ian went on a vacation, something he didn’t think to mention during our sessions. Yeah, yeah, I know, he’s just my therapist and I don’t actually have the right to know about these things, but I like to think that we’re friends, and this is the kind of thing friends talk about, right?
Mari told me that dating my therapist is a bad idea. I agree. It’s exactly the reason why I want to wait until he’s no longer my therapist before I ask him out. Mari listed some pretty good reasons as to why dating Ian is a bad idea, and while they do make sense, shouldn’t I at least be given the chance to try and prove Mari wrong? Shouldn’t I at least be given the chance to figure out if I really like Ian the way I think I do, or if I only like him because he’s my therapist and I’m paying him to talk to me?
These past couple of months, I felt so helpless. I felt out of control. I felt like the universe was out to get me, like it was throwing shit at me that I couldn’t even begin to shovel because my hands were tied. I’m tired of feeling like that. I’m tired of not being able to do anything. I would like to have some choices. I would like to start making decisions for myself again.
And if Ian wants to, I want to figure things out with him.
-.-.-.-
Harkinson Industries
T271130 (HECOX.EXE) [VERSION 1.3.4359]
(c) 2020 Harkinson Industries. All rights reserved.
>DATA PATH: C280916
>OPEN FOLDER?
>y
>ERROR [ACCESS RESTRICTED: CLASSIFIED]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>y
>USER: d.sohinki
>PASSWORD: ********
>ERROR [ACCESS RESTRICTED: CLASSIFIED]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>y
>USER: d.sohinki
>PASSWORD: ********
>ERROR [ACCESS RESTRICTED: CLASSIFIED]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>y
>USER: d.sohinki
>PASSWORD: ********
>ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\LOBBY\CAM1\2020.09.01\1201-2400
{UNCLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
<COMMAND: FAST-FORWARD>
{13:55:47}
[Padilla enters]
Padilla: Hey, Mel. Is Ian here?
Moat: Anthony? What are you doing here? I was about to call you.
Padilla: So he’s here?
Moat: No. I’m sorry.
Padilla: No, it’s okay. It’s not your fault.
Moat: I swear, I was about to call you. You shouldn’t have wasted your time going here, especially since Dr. Hecox still hasn’t returned.
Padilla: No, no, it’s fine. I, uh, I thought you forgot that you were supposed to call me, so I, uhm, yeah. I just wanted to make sure.
Moat: Oh.
Padilla: Yeah. Uhm, so listen, do you know if he’ll be back by next week?
Moat: I don’t. I’m really sorry, Anthony.
Padilla: It’s fine. I, uh, I guess I’ll be back by next week? Unless you—okay. Uhm. This is going to sound really weird, but do you have Ian’s number?
Moat: I can’t, Anthony.
Padilla: Come on, Mel, please? I just want to ask him when he’ll be back.
Moat: Anthony, that’s private information. I can’t give you his number.
Padilla: Melanie, I swear I just want to ask when we’ll be able to resume our sessions.
Moat: [sighs] Anthony, even if I wanted to give you his number—which I don’t, by the way, because doing that sort of thing will get me fired—I literally can’t give you what you want. Dr. Hecox is extremely private. He doesn’t have his personal cell number listed here. The only number he has here is his work phone, and we already know he’s not here.
Padilla: I—okay.
Moat: I’m really sorry.
Padilla: No, no, it’s fine. Totally not your fault. I shouldn’t have asked, anyway. I, uh, I’m pretty sure that’s against the rules anyway.
Moat: It is.
Padilla: Well, uh, I should go. But, uh, hey, can you ask Dr. Sohinki to at least call me or email me or something? Maybe he knows when Ian will be back.
Moat: Okay. I will. He’s busy though, so I doubt he’ll be able to contact you immediately. The study he’s doing? It’s complete. He’s writing his findings. Plus, he’s in New York.
Padilla: Ah, okay. So, uh, I’ll see you next week then.
Moat: I’ll call you. Take care, Anthony.
Padilla: You too, Mel.
<COMMAND: DELETE RECORDING?>
<N>
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
RECORD LOG #8 (08/24/2020)
Things aren’t improving. While Joseph is here, we’ve yet to gain access to Dr. Hecox’s record logs concerning Anthony. Joseph’s been entering my password again and again to no avail, and after three unsuccessful tries, the software goes absolutely berserk.
Joseph’s had a long day, so we’ll try again tomorrow. I was hoping that he would be able to fix this today so tomorrow Anthony can have his session with Dr. Hecox, but apparently, that’s not going to happen.
I’ll notify Melanie about Dr. Hecox’s absence later.
-.-.-.-
From: Michael Bartlett ([email protected])
To: Daniel Sohinki ([email protected])
Subject: RE: Equipment #15
Date: November 4, 2020
Dr. Sohinki,
What do you mean equipment is missing? From the very beginning, we have made it clear that after your experimental study, all equipment rented from different companies using the grant we awarded you should be returned. Frankly, this seems like you have become irresponsible with your study now that you have published your paper. Need I remind you that being a scientist requires you to be responsible for your entire research study?
Send our regards to Harkinson Industries. Please be notified that you will need to pay out of pocket for any and all fees resulting from the loss of equipment—especially the loss of equipment Harkinson Industries had so generously lent you.
Michael F. Bartlett, M.D.
President
Research and Development Division
Bartlett International Clinics
-.-.-.-
Tuesday, September 1, 2020
Blog Post #13
The session was cancelled again.
I’m worried, because what if this is Ian’s way of telling me that the way I acted around him was creepy? What if this is his way of telling me that he knows what I feel for him, that it’s not requited (like I had hoped), and that I should just go the fuck away and mind my own business?
I have to think that’s not what he’s doing. We’re friends, right? Friends let friends down easy. Then again, friends don’t let friends fall for friends who might not be attracted to guys either, so.
On the other hand, I’m also worried for him. What happened that he suddenly needed to go on vacation? What was so important that he couldn’t have told even Melanie why he was going to be gone for a few weeks?
While he’s been gone, I’ve been slowly trying to reinsert myself into things. I try to go to the office every weekday, but sometimes, when it gets particularly difficult, I just get out and drive back home. I know it’s not something everyone can do whenever they feel closed in like I do, and I know that my ability to do basically whatever I want seems both irresponsible and bratty, but it’s just been so hard. I know that’s not an excuse, much less an understandable explanation, but it’s just the way I feel.
The new cast that the bosses hired are nice enough, I guess. Even though they’re nice people, they’re part of the reason why most days I can’t stay in that building for too long. Seeing them act and do all the things Ryan and I used to do is like having an alarm clock that I can’t ever seem to put on snooze. Seeing them there makes it all the more evident to me that Ryan is truly gone, and that people are there to take his place. The world has moved on, as weird as the thought may be to me.
But things are getting better. The panic attacks are occurring less frequently, and I’ve been coping better, at least.
Maybe I should call Ryan’s parents one of these days.
-.-.-.-
Harkinson Industries
T271130 (HECOX.EXE) [VERSION 1.3.4359]
(c) 2020 Harkinson Industries. All rights reserved.
>DATA PATH: C280916
>OPEN FOLDER?
>y
>ERROR [ACCESS RESTRICTED: CLASSIFIED]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>y
>USER: d.sohinki
>PASSWORD: ********
>ERROR [ACCESS RESTRICTED: CLASSIFIED]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>y
>USER: j.reed
>PASSWORD: ********
>ERROR [USER UNKNOWN]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>n
>DATA PATH: C280916
>OPEN FOLDER?
>n
>COMMAND: override
>COMMAND [OVERRIDE]?
>y
>ERROR [ACCESS RESTRICTED]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>y
>USER: j.reed
>PASSWORD: ********
>
>
>
>COMMAND [OVERRIDE] COMPLETE
>DATA PATH: C280916
>OPEN FOLDER?
>y
>COMMAND [OPEN FOLDER] COMPLETE
>DATA PATH: RECORDS LOG
>DATA PATH: PERSONAL
>OPEN FOLDER?
>y
>ERROR [ACCESS RESTRICTED: CLASSIFIED]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>y
>USER: d.sohinki
>PASSWORD: ********
>ERROR [ACCESS DENIED]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>n
>DATA PATH: RECORDS LOG
>OPEN FOLDER?
>y
>ERROR [ACCESS RESTRICTED: CLASSIFIED]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>y
>USER: d.sohinki
>PASSWORD: ********
>ERROR [ACCESS RESTRICTED: CLASSIFIED]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>y
>USER: j.reed
>PASSWORD: ********
>COMMAND [OPEN FOLDER] COMPLETE
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
RECORD LOG #9 (08/25/2020)
The situation is worse than I thought.
Earlier today, Joseph and I tried overriding Dr. Hecox’s hard drive. Before doing that, though, Joseph tried to access the folder with my username and password in a last attempt to see if it would work. As we had both expected, it did not, and so he proceeded to use his user privileges to force our way into the folder through sheer force.
Instead of finding one folder (Records Log) by itself, however, we found another one named “Personal”. Curious as to what it contained, Joseph tried accessing the folder with my credentials, only to be outright rejected by the drive. Instead of saying [ACCESS RESTRICTED: CLASSIFIED] like it used to, the drive said [ACCESS DENIED].
According to Joseph, the difference between the two is that I had some degree of control over the first one, once. The “C280916” folder that we were trying to access rejected my credentials because I had been locked out of it. The “Personal” folder, on the other hand, rejected my credentials because I was never supposed to see its contents. Dr. Hecox created that folder with the intent of blocking me out.
After we first tried to open the “Personal” folder and failed, Joseph and I both decided that we should look at the “Record Logs” folder first, seeing as opening that folder is the entire reason why I asked Joseph to come here. We stopped trying to open the “Personal” folder, saving it for another day.
According to Joseph, Dr. Hecox had somehow found a way to be increasingly protective of his sensitive data. The fact that we had to enter an administrator’s username and password to access his “Record Logs” folder even after Joseph had overridden the drive indicates that Dr. Hecox truly did not want me to see any of his files. It’s a good thing that he hadn’t foreseen that Joseph would arrive here with his coding skills, or else everything would have been locked away by now. Joseph said that with the elegance of the security coding Dr. Hecox had put in place, if Dr. Hecox had known that Joseph would arrive, Dr. Hecox would have double-checked everything and found the backdoor Joseph had left in his hard drive before Harkinson Industries lent us the equipment.
A while ago, while Joseph and I were talking in my office, Melanie had knocked and asked me if there was a mistake regarding Dr. Hecox and Anthony’s session for the day. Even though I had written only yesterday that I needed to inform Melanie that Dr. Hecox wouldn’t be present for the next few days, I had completely forgotten about it.
Anyway, back to the record logs.
Joseph has made a copy of the files and emailed it to me in case Dr. Hecox’s hard drive won’t cooperate with us again. I’ll take a look at them later and see if I can use the information in them to be able to finally complete my research.
We’re so close to the finish line. I just need to get everything in order.
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\LOBBY\CAM1\2020.09.08\1201-2400
{UNCLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
<COMMAND: FAST-FORWARD>
{13:52:36}
Moat: Hey, Anthony.
Padilla: Still nothing?
Moat: [nods] I’m sorry. I called you, but you didn’t respond. I left you voicemail.
Padilla: I—uh, yeah. I must have been driving or something by then.
Moat: I’m really sorry.
Padilla: No, no, it’s fine. It’s not like I live far away.
Moat: Still, I don’t want you to waste your time. It’s why I call.
Padilla: It’s fine. But, uh, you still don’t have any news on Ian?
Moat: No, I’m sorry.
Padilla: Ah. Right. Uhm, so.
Moat: Listen, Anthony, if you still want to go through with your sessions, I’m sure we can get you another therapist.
Padilla: No! [clears throat] Uh, I mean, uh, that’s fine. Uh, thanks for offering, though.
Moat: Okay. If you change your mind, call me, okay? We have open slots practically every other day. Just give me a call at least 24 hours in advance, and I’ll get you to meet with another therapist.
Padilla: Yeah, sure. Uhm, thanks, Mel.
Moat: No problem, Anthony.
<COMMAND: DELETE RECORDING?>
<N>
-.-.-.-
Harkinson Industries
T271130 (HECOX.EXE) [VERSION 1.3.4359]
(c) 2020 Harkinson Industries. All rights reserved.
>DATA PATH: C280916
>OPEN FOLDER?
>n
>COMMAND: override
>COMMAND [OVERRIDE]?
>y
>ERROR [ACCESS RESTRICTED]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>y
>USER: j.reed
>PASSWORD: ********
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>COMMAND [OVERRIDE] COMPLETE
>DATA PATH: C280916
>OPEN FOLDER?
>y
>COMMAND [OPEN FOLDER] COMPLETE
>DATA PATH: RECORDS LOG
>DATA PATH: PERSONAL
>OPEN FOLDER?
>y
>ERROR [ACCESS RESTRICTED: CLASSIFIED]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>y
>USER: j.reed
>PASSWORD: ********
>ERROR [USER UNKNOWN]
>COMMAND: override
>COMMAND [OVERRIDE]?
>y
>ERROR [ACCESS RESTRICTED]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>y
>USER: j.reed
>PASSWORD: ********
>
>
>ERROR [USER UNKNOWN]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>n
>OPEN FOLDER?
>n
>DATA PATH: PERSONAL
>COMMAND: code
>COMMAND [CODE]?
>y
>ERROR [UNKNOWN]
><?php
>$auth_pass =’’’’;
>access: (php/T271130/’’’,’,%AjIE2949Mnci0/x23/x57/x27/x96/x75/x05/u=%euIndeop2810n38v2vA4g2S%’)
>
>
>
>
>
>ACCESS GRANTED
>DATA PATH: PERSONAL
>OPEN FOLDER?
>y
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>y
>USER: j.reed
>PASSWORD: ********
>COMMAND [OPEN FOLDER] COMPLETE
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
RECORD LOG #10 (08/26/2020)
I didn’t think things could get worse, but they did.
It’s evident from the record logs that Dr. Hecox, at some point during his sessions with Anthony, started seeing him in another light that isn’t fitting of a respectable therapist. Reading the latest record log that Dr. Hecox had written, I was struck to find that somewhere along the line, he had started addressing Anthony by his first name—a stark difference from how he addressed Anthony in the last record log I had read before he had blocked me out of his files.
From what I’ve read of the record logs, Dr. Hecox has been mostly professional. His analyses of his sessions with Anthony are extremely insightful and critical. One thing I particularly noted was Dr. Hecox’s ability to backtrack on his chosen therapy techniques—he was skilled enough to know which methods worked, which didn’t, and when it was time for him to stop a certain technique to introduce another one. So yes, Dr. Hecox is an exemplary therapist.
His “Personal” folder, however, tells a different story.
Earlier today, it had taken Joseph a long (and I mean long) time to even boot up Dr. Hecox’s hard drive. Overriding took even longer, during which Joseph and I exchanged worried looks. It took us a long time before we could finally access the Personal folder, and once we had access, Joseph had immediately copied the files and sent them to me. There’s a fear there that tomorrow we won’t be able to access the “C280916” folder at all—a perfectly understandable fear, might I add—so we had copied everything we could, including the drive’s entire code.
To say I was surprised by the things he had written in his “Personal” folder is the understatement of the year.
While his records were definitely professional, his personal writings were not. It was finally these words that finally convinced me of what I think I already knew when I figured out that he was actively blocking me from his files: I cannot use Anthony’s sessions with Dr. Hecox for my experimental study. His sessions with Anthony had become too warped with emotions, and the dual relationship that I was all too willing to ignore is impossible to disregard now. I should have known the moment Dr. Hecox restricted my access to his files.
So two of my worst fears regarding Dr. Hecox happened: he formed a dual relationship with Anthony, and he’s no longer what he used to be.
Joseph doesn’t want to scrap Dr. Hecox, and neither do I, for that matter. Tomorrow, we’ll be shutting down Dr. Hecox and flying to Harkinson Industries’ offices in New York. Joseph says that he had saved Dr. Hecox’s code on a separate server back in New York, so deleting his code and shutting him down will be temporary, not permanent.
Looking back, it’s kind of funny how at the very beginning, I had insisted on making these experimental therapist Artificial Intelligence units seem as human as possible, even going so far as to convince Joseph to program them to have some sort of personality and backstory that could at least be believable, if not as well-developed as a real human’s would be. Little did I know that one of our AI units would slowly wake himself up (in a sense) and try to be as human as the rest of us. I should have suspected something the moment he chose to use a humanistic method to deal with Anthony’s depression instead of a cognitive method like the other units did.
It’s clear from Dr. Hecox’s personal writings that he has started to want things, has started to wish to become something more than he is.
He has outgrown his code.
-.-.-.-
From Superfame, 4th of September, 2020:
Anthony Padilla’s Back!
After months of fans not hearing from beloved Anthony Padilla, Anthony finally appeared on a Smosh video. Though today’s Smosh Friday Video of the Week, “YES HOMO, BRO!” mainly starred the Smosh crew, fans were quick to spot Anthony starring as an extra in one of Keith Leak Jr. and Noah Grossman’s scenes.
Smosh fans took to Twitter to see if their assumptions were correct. Thankfully, fans didn’t have to wait very long for confirmation that it was Anthony they saw, because Courtney Miller tweeted this a few minutes after the video got posted:
Courtney Miller (@Co_Mill)
We have someone special in today’s video! (Yes, it’s Anthony!) Watch it here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dQw4w9WgXcQ
12:08 PM – 4 September 2020
Though Anthony himself remained silent on social media, Courtney’s tweet was enough to make fans excited again.
Is this the beginning of Anthony being in Smosh videos again? We don’t know, but we sure hope so!
-.-.-.-
How are the sessions? Still no sign of your therapist?
-Mari T. (5:13 p.m. 09/08/2020)
Nope. Not even Melanie (the receptionist) could tell me anything.
-Anthony P. (5:14 p.m. 09/08/2020)
I’m sorry. You can probably ask Sohinki’s brother where your therapist is, though.
-Mari T. (5:16 p.m. 09/08/2020)
He’s out of state. Apparently, he’s in New York.
-Anthony P. (5:18 p.m. 09/08/2020)
Phones exist. So does the internet.
-Mari T. (5:19 p.m. 09/08/2020)
Good point.
-Anthony P. (5:19 p.m. 09/08/2020)
-.-.-.-
Harkinson Industries
T271130 (HECOX.EXE) [VERSION 1.3.4359]
(c) 2020 Harkinson Industries. All rights reserved.
>DATA PATH: C280916
>OPEN FOLDER?
>n
>COMMAND: shutdown
>COMMAND [SHUTDOWN]?
>y
>ERROR [ACCESS UNAUTHORIZED]
>ACCESS AS ADMINISTRATOR?
>y
>USER: j.reed
>PASSWORD: ********
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
>COMMAND [SHUTDOWN] CO—
>ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR ERROR
><auth=’;si4Fbur&9R456Bm,,[de944HQmV0]’>
>EMERGENCY SHUT DOWN?
>y
>COMMAND [EMERGENCY SHUT DOWN] COMPLETE
>
>
>HECOX.EXE HAS STOPPED WORKING.
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
RECORD LOG #11 (08/29/2020)
Joseph has successfully shut down unit T271130.
It took him a long time—way longer than it would have if the program wasn’t actively fighting him like Dr. Hecox was.
I still can’t believe this is happening. It seems only yesterday when my application for a grant got approved, when I was standing in this very office and watching Joseph insert the code he had designed into a specialized robot Harkinson Industries had so very kindly lent me. Now, the research is nearly over, and I am once again standing in his office, watching him take apart piece by piece a robot that has learned to become something more than what it was supposed to be.
Right now, Joseph is deleting Dr. Hecox’s code. Tomorrow, he’ll be reinserting the perfected code he had saved before sending Dr. Hecox to my clinic. While we’re not sure if Dr. Hecox will work again, we remain hopeful. When I’m not helping Joseph with trying to put Dr. Hecox back together, I’m reading over all the data I—along with the therapy bots—have amassed over the months. With luck, I’ll be able to get my paper published soon.
It’s just a shame that I can’t include any of the data Dr. Hecox has obtained over his sessions with Anthony. His record logs were the most polished out of all the therapy bots, as he had actually explored his options regarding Anthony’s recovery. Then again, when he had finally switched to Cognitive Behavior Therapy, he didn’t exactly follow the structure of Cognitive Behavior Therapy sessions like the other therapist bots did, so I guess it’s just a moot point.
I hope we’ll be able to get Dr. Hecox running again.
-.-.-.-
Hey, Dr. Sohinki, is Dr. Hecox with you in New York?
-Anthony P. (7:01 p.m. 09/08/2020)
Sorry, it’s just that I haven’t seen him in a while and I was wondering when we’ll be able to resume our sessions. I tried asking Melanie, but apparently she doesn’t know what’s happening with Dr. Hecox.
-Anthony P. (7:02 p.m. 09/08/2020)
Sorry. I just, uh, I worry.
-Anthony P. (7:02 p.m. 09/08/2020)
Anthony?
-Daniel S. (7:06 p.m. 09/08/2020)
Yeah, this is me.
-Anthony P. (7:06 p.m. 09/08/2020)
Yeah, he’s with me.
-Daniel S. (7:07 p.m. 09/08/2020)
Oh. When will you be back?
-Anthony P. (7:07 p.m. 09/08/2020)
I’m taking care of important business here, so I don’t really know yet. However, I’ve been here for about two weeks now, so I’ll probably be back by next week or so.
-Daniel S. (7:09 p.m. 09/08/2020)
Oh. Okay. Have a safe trip, then.
-Anthony P. (7:10 p.m. 09/08/2020)
I will, thanks.
-Daniel S. (7:10 p.m. 09/08/2020)
-.-.-.-
From: Daniel Sohinki ([email protected])
To: Michael Bartlett ([email protected])
Subject: Scientific Report/Research Article
Date: September 7, 2020
Sir,
After numerous months and various challenges, my research is finally finished. However, as we both know, it doesn’t necessarily mean that this research is complete—various other groups of researchers will have to test what I have tested and see if they shall get the results that I got. This is not the end of this brand of psychotherapy—indeed, it is only the beginning.
Attached to this email is my completed scientific article for your perusal. I understand that my research will have to withstand scholarly peer review first, which is why I am sending your clinics all the data that I have obtained over the months.
Don’t be alarmed when you see that there are only 14 participants. I have scrapped participant #15 from the project, as there were complications with that participant’s therapy bot. While I am working with Engr. Joseph Reed to try and restore unit T271130, I fully doubt that we will be able to make him work the way he used to. As it is, the data that T271130 (Dr. Ian Hecox) has acquired will no longer be usable.
Sincerely,
Daniel.
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
RECORD LOG #12 (09/07/2020)
I wish I had good news. As it is, I have none—I only have news.
These past few days, while I’ve been compiling data and writing my article, I’ve been monitoring Joseph’s progress with Dr. Hecox—if it can even be called progress, that is. He hasn’t gotten anywhere, which isn’t particularly surprising to either of us, but it is incredibly frustrating that his therapy bot refuses to work even when Joseph has repeatedly put the perfected code into the hardware.
I’ve emailed the completed article to Dr. Bartlett, and I’ve sent all the data as well. Because I’ve been sending him progress reports over the months, I’m hoping the peer review will be swift so I can get this published. Once the article has been published, Joseph tells me that Harkinson Industries is planning on trademarking the therapy bots they will soon produce.
As I’m writing this, I’m watching Joseph try to get some response from Dr. Hecox. A day or two ago, Dr. Hecox had actually responded, though he started acting like an amnesiac with enormous gaps in his memory. Though Joseph put the perfected code in Dr. Hecox’s hardware, Dr. Hecox was nothing like he was when he was brand new. At first, it was a relief when he didn’t know who Anthony was, but when it became evident that he also didn’t remember things like certain kinds of therapy despite the fact that Joseph had coded that information into him—well. The relief had quickly turned into disappointment after that.
His program has grown, somehow, and it knows that it’s missing something.
-.-.-.-
From Wired, 22nd of September, 2020:
Meet the Latest in Science and Technology
It seems only yesterday when Harkinson Industries™ produced the first modern Housebot. Four years later, the company is at it again, though this time, the stakes are higher, and the Housebot that we all know and love is taking on a different role.
Meet the Therapybot. A robot that is specifically designed to be able to help those with mental disorders, it was created through the partnership of Dr. Daniel Sohinki and Harkinson Industries. Dr. Sohinki, a psychiatrist himself, had designed a new brand of psychotherapy with the use of these Therapybots in mind.
“The problem about the modern age,” Dr. Sohinki says, “is that everyone knows everything. Even among the medical community, secrets are still spilled. I can’t tell you how many times I’ve heard about therapists talking about their clients during dinner. With the Therapybot, it’s different. These Therapybots won’t accidentally talk about their clients’ personal issues.”
We know what you’re thinking. Can Therapybots be hacked? The answer is yes. However, it is extremely hard to do so, seeing as these Therapybots are not connected to any network. Though these Therapybots are essentially smarter-than-smart computers, they lack the capability to connect to Wi-Fi, making access to the data they hold more difficult. Joseph Reed, the leader of the team at Harkinson Industries in charge of this specific project, says, “we created the Therapybot with the possibility of it being hacked in our minds. Creating the Therapybot without the ability to access the internet may seem almost sacrilegious, especially in this day and age, but we’re convinced we made the right choice.”
Now, the idea of meeting with a Therapybot for sessions may seem weird to you, but this new kind of therapy actually has a lot of advantages. Having a robot for a therapist is more cost-effective, seeing as these Therapybots are created with knowledge about numerous types of therapy, including (but not limited to) music therapy, play therapy, behavior therapy, and cognitive therapy. With all these different types of therapy ingrained in their code, these Therapybots will be more effective in planning clients’ sessions on a case-to-case basis. Meeting with a Therapybot will be cheaper than meeting with a real therapist, as well, therefore, a client’s session with a Therapybot does not have to have a time-limit the way a client’s session with a therapist does. Therapybots are also less likely to form dual relationships with their clients.
Are there disadvantages to this? Definitely. One notable thing about Therapybots is that they’re only trained to act as psychologists, not psychiatrists, meaning that they do not have the ability to prescribe medicine when or if the need arises. Because of this, Therapybots are not smart or well-equipped enough to deal with clients suffering from mental disorders such as Schizophrenia or Psychosis the way human psychiatrists are. They’re also experimental for the moment, so they’re not available for the public.
Currently, Dr. Sohinki’s experimental work is undergoing peer review. If his work gets published and gets the approval of the American Psychological Association, Therapybots will be made available by Harkinson Industries.
“Is it weird? Definitely. But think about this: just a few years ago, robots were created to be speech therapists. E-therapy or web-therapy became a thing, like, eight or nine years ago. Why not this?” Dr. Sohinki asks.
Indeed. Why not this?
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
RECORD LOG #13 (09/08/2020)
Anthony texted me a while ago and asked me when I’m coming back with Dr. Hecox.
Obviously, he doesn’t know what’s been happening with his therapist. Once I come back, I’m going to have to explain why he can’t meet with Dr. Hecox again, although obviously, I can’t tell him that Dr. Hecox has started developing feelings of the romantic sort for him.
I’m going to have to go back soon. Rewiring Dr. Hecox is taking too long, and to be perfectly honest, I don’t even know why I’m still here. Besides the fact that I’m shit at programming and that I can’t help Joseph do anything, there’s also the fact that we both know on some level that there is a very small chance of Joseph getting Dr. Hecox to work the way he did again. Every time Joseph erases Dr. Hecox’s code and reinserts the perfected one, it seems like Dr. Hecox remembers less and less. A while ago, Dr. Hecox had to be be silent for twenty minutes before he could tell us who the father of Psychology is. It took even longer for him to explain Freud’s Psychoanalysis to us.
I have absolutely no doubt that Joseph will try and try again to get Dr. Hecox to work. As it is, however, I’m more needed in my clinic than here.
-.-.-.-
C:\SCRC\SURVEILLANCE FOOTAGE\INTERNAL\SOHINKI_OFFICE\CAM1\2020.09.22\1201-2400
{UNCLASSIFIED}
{ADMIN=D.SOHINKI}
<COMMAND: FAST-FORWARD>
{19:26:17}
Padilla: Is it true?
Sohinki: Is what true?
Padilla: [shouts] The article, goddamn it.
Sohinki: Yes. I don’t know why you’re so ang—
Padilla: Why I’m so angry? [laughs] Are you fucking kidding me? Are you honestly fucking kidding me?
Sohinki: No I’m not. Why are you angry?
Padilla: Why am I angry? Why wouldn’t I be? I just fucking found out that the guy I’ve been telling my personal shit to is a goddamn robot. How can I not be fucking angry when the guy I thought I would be able to ask on a date after my sessions with him end is apparently not real?
Sohinki: Anthony—
Padilla: Goddamn it, I trusted you! I trusted him! What the fuck?
Sohinki: Anthony, you can’t have a romantic relationship with your therapist. Surely you know th—
Padilla: Fuck, I know! I know, but hey, it’s not as if that matters anyway, right? Because he’s fucking fake! All these months I’ve been talking a fucking robot, and you couldn’t have told me before I went and fucking fell for hi—
Sohinki: What the fuck do you mean I didn’t tell you? It was in your goddamn fucking consent form!
Padilla: I—
Sohinki: You didn’t read your consent form though, did you?
Padilla: I’m—no.
Sohinki: You’re a fucking idiot, Anthony. You’re a fucking idiot.
Padilla: Can I see him? Please, I just. [chokes] He’s real, right? He can’t be anything but real.
Sohinki: No.
Padilla: Come on, please. Please. I just need to see him this last time. I swear to God I will never bother you again.
Sohinki: You can’t, Anthony.
Padilla: You have to give me another chance, please—
Sohinki: No, okay? No. You can’t. We erased his hard drive and we’ve shut him down. If you saw him again, he won’t be able to remember you, and then where will you be? That will be worse for you, and I won’t let it happen. Go home, Anthony.
Padilla: No, please, please, I promise I won’t say anything, I won’t even be angry that he won’t remember me, fuck, please.
Sohinki: I’m sorry.
Padilla: Fuck you.
<COMMAND: DELETE RECORDING?>
<Y>
-.-.-.-
You have one new message.
Beep.
“Hey Daniel, this is Matt. I just wanted to say, well. What the fuck, man? What you did is not okay. Anthony—he was getting better. Your therapist was actually helping. And then you go and pull this crap, and it’s just—”
“God. What you did was fucked up. What the hell made you think that was an okay thing to do? And don’t give me that bullshit excuse about this entire thing being in the consent form you made him sign or whatever. I’ve heard enough about what you do to know that you should brief a person before letting them undergo your study. You fucked up, man.”
“See, I always thought that since you were the psychiatrist in the family, you’d be the one who understood people better. I guess you were too caught up in this shiny new research you were conducting that you forgot how to deal with actual human beings.”
“Anthony’s gone again. He went to Sacramento. I hope your fucking research is worth it.”
Beep.
Message saved.
-.-.-.-
Wednesday, September 23, 2020
Blog Post #14
Ian’s not real.
I don’t really know what else I’m supposed to write. Am I supposed to write about how fucking betrayed I feel even though I know this isn’t Ian’s fault? Am I supposed to write about how angry I am at Sohinki’s brother for willingly hiding the truth from me? Am I supposed to write about how angry I am at myself for not reading that stupid fucking consent form and for falling in love with my therapist? Am I supposed to write about how angry I am at the entire fucking universe?
I’m not going to write about any of those. I think I’m just too tired to deal with any of that. I’m too tired to try and reexamine the past few months, to try and see if any of my interactions with Ian meant anything.
It feels like a wake-up call, in a way. Like an icy-cold shower I didn’t ask for. You always hear people talk about how the truth hurts, but you never really hear them tell you that the truth leaves you tired. The truth leaves you beaten up on the ground with a tiredness that feels like it’s made a home in your bones. The truth leaves you unable to get out of bed in the morning because your world has shifted, and yet the rest of the world is moving on.
I’m so fucking tired. I’m tired of not being able to control anything. I’m tired of feeling so helpless. I’m tired of being given choices, only to have said choices taken away from me. What even is the point? I can’t see it anymore.
It’s harder for me to go to work. I’m going to take some more time off. I know that it’s selfish, but I just can’t be here. I might go to Sacramento and visit my mom. I might even go visit Ryan’s parents. I haven’t seen them since the funeral.
And then after that—I don’t really know. Japan? Ian might not be real, but I choose to believe that he honestly really wanted to go there. Maybe I’ll go and do the things he wanted to do.
Maybe.
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
RECORD LOG #14 (09/25/2020)
Matt called me earlier today and more or less started accusing me of being an asshole. Is it really my fault that Anthony didn’t read the consent form? And yes, I might have forgotten to brief him (something I take full responsibility for), but that wouldn’t have been important if only he had read the documents I had given him.
Anthony had gotten attached. Even if Dr. Hecox were real, what’s he going to do? If Dr. Hecox was a real therapist, he would lose his credibility and his license to do his job if he dated Anthony while Anthony was still his patient.
I know that I’m doing the right thing. By going through with this, therapy will be more accessible to the public, especially to those in poor areas. I haven’t lost touch with humanity.
Right?
-.-.-.-
From Superfame, 26th of September, 2020:
Anthony Padilla is Out of the Spotlight. Again.
Dreams come true. They also die a horrible death, as evidenced by this tweet from the official Smosh Twitter account just a few minutes ago:
Smosh (@Smosh)
Anthony’s taking a break, so he won’t be in future videos for a little while. Send him some love, guys.
6:21 PM – 26 September 2020
While most fans certainly understood Anthony’s need for time away, there were still a few who were disgruntled. As of the moment, none of the Smosh crew or the Smosh Games crew have tweeted about why Anthony had to leave Smosh once again.
-.-.-.-
From: Joseph Reeds ([email protected])
To: Daniel Sohinki ([email protected])
Subject: T271130
Date: October 3, 2020
It’s been a full month since I started trying to get unit T271130 working again by repeatedly trying to reinsert the code I had saved before I sent him to you all those months ago. With every single try, he seems to degrade even further until he no longer seems like the Therapybot I created.
Do you think maybe we should just let this one go? I’ve been thinking, and in the month that I’ve been trying to get this particular bot to work again, I never actually tried to reinsert the code we had copied when he already knew his client (Anthony, I think?). I think that because Dr. Hecox seemed to grow out of his program, he started coding himself. He started including things I never really put there, like more interesting likes and dislikes, dreams, fake experiences, and preferences for dating. When he started coding himself, he started attaching certain parts of his code the things he’s been learning. The moment we erased the things he learned, he ceased to have the ability to function the way he should.
I know you have your doubts. But maybe we should give Dr. Hecox a chance to learn more and be what he wants to be. I would set him free, but I thought you might have some concerns about that.
Maybe this will be better in the grand scheme of things.
-Joseph
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
RECORD LOG #15 (10/03/2020)
Suddenly, I’m not so sure anymore.
Is Matt right? Have I lost touch with humanity? While there are a lot of things I’m willing to ignore, an insult from my own brother is something I can’t forget. There must be some sort of basis for what he said, and even I can’t lie and say that everything I did was right.
Joseph sent me an email, and apparently, he has been facing the same internal dilemmas I have been facing lately. As much as I try to ignore what Matt said, it’s often when I least expect it when I hear his accusations in my mind. As it is, I’ve tried my best to forget about the entire thing by burying myself in my work, but I think it’s time to do what Joseph is doing and face the truth. Denial has never been healthy. I know that.
If I let Dr. Hecox go, then what will happen? I cannot suddenly lose a piece of equipment that I technically don’t even own. And what kind of life would he even live? He doesn’t have a birth certificate, a driver’s license, or any other important means of identification. Even if he chooses to continue being a therapist, he won’t be able to unless he tells his future employer the truth—that he is a Therapybot that has gained sentience. If he tries to pass for human, his employer would no doubt ask for a diploma or any other document that proves he has a Bachelor’s in Psychology and a PhD.
Where would he live? He knows no one but Anthony, Melanie, and me. So really, would giving him his freedom be a kindness?
I don’t even know anymore.
-.-.-.-
Hey.
-Daniel S. (5:37 p.m. 10/14/2020)
?
-Matt S. (5:39 p.m. 10/14/2020)
Okay, look, I know you’re mad, but I need a favor from you.
-Daniel S. (5:40 p.m. 10/14/2020)
You know what? Mad can’t even cover it. Mad is actually the understatement of the century, you asshole.
-Matt S. (5:42 p.m. 10/14/2020)
Come on, Matt. Please.
-Daniel S. (5:42 p.m. 10/14/2020)
What do you need?
-Matt S. (5:43 p.m. 10/14/2020)
I just need to know where Anthony is.
-Daniel S. (5:44 p.m. 10/14/2020)
Why the hell would I tell you where Anthony is? What makes you think I’m going to tell you that?
-Matt S. (5:45 p.m. 10/14/2020)
Please. Just trust me.
-Daniel S. (5:46 p.m. 10/14/2020)
Oh you asshole. Why the hell do you think you’re in this position in the first place? I trusted you, you fucker.
-Matt S. (5:48 p.m. 10/14/2020)
I know what I did was wrong. I’m just trying to make it right.
-Daniel S. (5:49 p.m. 10/14/2020)
You better not fuck up this time.
-Matt S. (5:50 p.m. 10/14/2020)
I promise.
-Daniel S. (5:50 p.m. 10/14/2020)
Anthony’s in Japan. He’s staying in a hotel. I’ll send you his itinerary.
-Matt S. (5:52 p.m. 10/14/2020)
Thank you.
-Daniel S. (5:52 p.m. 10/14/2020)
-.-.-.-
From: Daniel Sohinki ([email protected])
To: Michael Bartlett ([email protected])
Subject: Equipment #15
Date: November 3, 2020
Sir,
I will cut to the chase. It seems that the unit that had been malfunctioning, unit T271130, has been lost. While being transported from the Harkinson offices in New York to my clinic here in California, the unit has somehow been misplaced, and now it cannot be found. Currently, I am working with Joseph Reed of Harkinson Industries in trying to find said unit, but until we find T271130, I only have this bad news to tell you.
I am sorry. Know that I didn’t mean for this to happen, and that I understand that I had failed in my responsibilities towards the units that were lent to me.
Sincerely,
Daniel.
-.-.-.-
PRIVATE RECORDS – PROPERTY OF DANIEL SOHINKI, M.D., PSY.D.
PADILLA, A. (C280916)
RECORD LOG #16 (11/02/2020)
I have decided to do the right thing. It might have taken me longer than I had anticipated to do it, but still. It counts.
After taking about a week to think about the entire thing, I had finally given Joseph the go signal to start inserting the old code into Dr. Hecox’s hard drive. Neither of us were particularly surprised, I think, when Dr. Hecox started functioning properly again. I think both of us just knew that Dr. Hecox wasn’t a case of a unit being broken. We just tried to fix him when there was nothing to be fixed, and ended up breaking him in the process.
I got Anthony’s location from Matt. Matt, understandably, didn’t trust me the way he used to anymore, so it took me a while before I finally got that piece of information from him. Still, he chose to give what I asked for to me, and I promised not to let him down. I’m standing by that promise.
These past two weeks, Joseph and I have been working on giving Dr. Hecox an alibi of sorts. Joseph, who was part of a hacking enthusiasts’ group in college, knew a lot of guys who could give Dr. Hecox things we can’t give him such as a birth certificate, a passport, and a driver’s license. It’s been difficult, trying to get all the details right, but Dr. Hecox, in his desire to be more than a Therapybot, helped us.
Tomorrow, I’m going to have to deliver the “bad” news to Dr. Bartlett. I’m going to have to tell him that one of the units is missing. I will, undoubtedly, receive hell for being irresponsible, but I will also get to sleep at night, knowing that what I did was right. I’m so fucking grateful that the Therapybot project was such a secret at Harkinson Industries that no one outside Joseph’s small team (and Melanie and I) know what the Therapybots look like. Dr. Bartlett won’t be able to look for Dr. Hecox, and I have never been more thankful for having to keep something a secret from him.
In the meantime, before I send him the email, I’ve been going through the security camera footages of Dr. Hecox’s sessions with Anthony and deleting all of them. I’m trying my best to be as careful as I possibly can. I don’t want to leave a trace.
Dr. Hecox is flying to Japan as I write this. Tomorrow, when I email Dr. Bartlett, Dr. Hecox would be safe in Japan and, hopefully, would have found Anthony already.
This will be my last record log in Anthony’s file. I’m going to have to delete all of these tomorrow, before I email Dr. Bartlett.
Goodbye, I guess.
-.-.-.-
Wednesday, November 6, 2020
Blog Post #15
I found Ian yesterday, or maybe he found me.
The thing is, I’m not really sure about the details. They don’t even matter to me now, because what matters is that Ian’s here. Ian’s here, and he might not be human, but at least he’s beside me, and he’s willing to explore things with me.
When I say “things”, I don’t just mean a relationship. I’ve been in Japan for a month now, flying out after spending a week at Ryan’s parents’ place, and yet I haven’t enjoyed my time here as much as I am enjoying it now, with Ian by my side. We’ve been going on random trips and we’ve been buying souvenirs. We’ve also been slowly crossing out items from his “things to do in Japan” list.
We both decided not to be in a relationship. For now, at least. We took some time to talk, and though we both agreed that we would like to see if we’d fit together well in a relationship, we also both agreed that there were some things we needed to figure out first. Ian, as much as he loves joking around, can be mature when he wants to, and last night, he was certainly mature.
There are so many issues between us. The fact that he was my therapist who I shared a lot of personal experiences with is just one side of the coin. The other side of the coin includes me being the first person he actually connected with. However, these are things we’re willing to work through. There’s also the matter of Ian wanting to retain his Psychology degree, and he says there’s a minimum of at least two years after a session has ended before a therapist can ethically date a former client.
Two years is a long time, but hey, I’m willing to wait.
-.-.-.-
You have one new message.
Beep.
“Hey, Daniel. This is Matt. Listen, I know what you did, okay? Anthony sent me an email. So, uh, thanks, Daniel. Thanks for listening. Anthony was a mess, and uh, that guy, uh, Ian? Yeah, Ian. He, uh, helped Anthony a lot. Anthony’s not okay, not by a long shot, but he’s better. I have you and Ian to thank for that.”
“Anthony’s flying back in a week or so. He says he’s going back to work, and that he’ll introduce Ian to us. The six of us know what Ian really is, but none of us really care. Well, except Joven. Joven thinks it’s cool.”
“So, uh, anyway, thanks a lot. Thanks for keeping your promise and not fucking up. Thanks for, uh, doing this, because you really didn’t have to, and yet you still did. Thank you.”
Beep.
Message deleted.