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It’s past 9pm and the heavy darkness of late October hangs quietly in the air. The only sound to be heard are his own footsteps on the empty pavement where Seonghwa keeps his eyes trained on the ground in front of him. Beneath his black boots, the leaves glisten in the dim hue of the flickering streetlights.
He should’ve taken the bus. He wanted to take the bus. Halfway to the bus stop though, he realized he forgot his wallet at home. So now he’s walking.
Realistically, it’s not a big deal; Yeosang’s house isn’t too far. Plus, they’re living in a suburban residential area. Crime rate going on zero. Still, if it was the other way around and any of his friends were roaming the streets at night by themselves with no money or phone, Seonghwa would’ve chastised them for being so reckless.
He turns a corner, eyes flicking up to check the street name. The street ahead of him is completely deserted, safe for a few carved pumpkins on doorsteps, eerie grimaces grinning at Seonghwa through the dark.
The longer he walks, the mistier his view gets. Fog is creeping up from the neighbouring lawns and Seonghwa pulls his coat tighter around his middle, tucking his chin. He’s not easily scared but something about this situation unnerves him. The hair on the back of neck is standing up and he nuzzles further into the collar of his coat. There is no wind in the bare trees, yet the leaves below his feet start to rustle. Determined, Seonghwa shakes his head as if to assert himself of his sanity and picks up the pace. It’s so quiet. Even his steps sound muffled as the thick fog wraps around his ankles.
“-hwa!” Seonghwa whips around at the faint sound, feeling his heart jump into his throat and goosebumps spread across his skin. He’s ready to pick up the pace and bolt when he spots Hongjoong emerging from the fog behind him. Instantly, his shoulders drop, and he releases a breath he didn’t know he was holding.
“Yah, what are you doing here??” he says in lieu of greeting as Hongjoong skips closer through the dark. What on earth is he doing out here by himself?
When he doesn’t receive an answer, Seonghwa frowns and takes in the younger’s appearance. He’s wearing a ghost costume. That is, his face seems significantly paler than usual, there’s pronounced circles under his eyes that even a week-long all-nighter (something workaholic Hongjoong isn’t a stranger to) couldn’t pull off and an unsettling gleam in his eyes that makes Seonghwa quickly avert his gaze.
Apart from this worryingly spooky undertone, Hongjoong looks almost normal. Grey baggy jeans. Sneakers. A denim jacket. A denim jacket??? In October?? “Aren’t you cold?” Seonghwa wants to blurt out but bites his tongue last minute. Instead, he worries his bottom lip between his teeth and gives Hongjoong another once-over. He can’t help to feel a tinge of disappointment zap through his chest.
“Yah, where’s your costume, Hongjoong-ah?” he asks instead, as he takes a step closer to Hongjoong. He crosses his arms in a defensive stance to assure confidence and to maybe conceal the fact that Hongjoong’s obvious negligence for his Halloween costume feels a bit like a betrayal.
Just this morning on their way to class they had talked about tonight’s costumes with Hongjoong refusing to give Seonghwa as much as a hint, insisting that it would be “a surprise”. Seonghwa had tried everything to get him to spill but Hongjoong had just grinned mischievously and kept his lips sealed.
Seonghwa would be lying if he said that this wasn’t part of the reason why he decided to go all out with his own costume tonight. Attack is the best tactic of defense after all. Hongjoong’s “surprise” would be ruined if Seonghwa managed to turn the tables on him and shock him instead.
So Seonghwa had put his oversized crewneck to the side for the evening and had opted for a lace top, tight leather pants, and a black lace-up corset hugging his waist. On top, he had added a long black cloak (because Halloween) and had finished off the look with a black choker with a fake ruby at the front.
He had felt quite proud of himself and – after checking in the mirror one last time – left the house in a rush before he could get self-conscious and change his mind. That’s also how one forgets phone and wallet though, evidently.
Now however, face to face with Hongjoong’s regular attire, Seonghwa feels kind of silly and the embarrassment is burning in his cheeks. Luckily, it’s pretty dark and he’s bundled up, so Hongjoong can’t see the full extent of his misery.
“I thought you wanted to surprise me,” he adds with a pout, when Hongjoong doesn’t answer his question.
Hongjoong doesn’t seem to pick up on Seonghwa’s disappointment, though. The younger is looking intently at Seonghwa with these dark eyes, seemingly drinking in his appearance. The unwavering gaze makes the hairs on Seonghwa’s arms stand up again, this time for a totally different reason. He quickly takes a step back.
“You look nice, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong simply says, eyes glued to the red stone around Seonghwa’s neck that’s peeking through the collar of his coat.
“I- ehm- thanks,” Seonghwa chokes out, his throat suddenly really dry. He wasn’t expecting Hongjoong to compliment his looks after he had just called him out.
Before he has time think about what this might mean though, Hongjoong takes a step forward to close the gap between them and reaches out to touch the stone on Seonghwa’s choker.
They’re so close now that Seonghwa can feel his own heart hammering in his chest and silently begs that Hongjoong doesn’t hear it. Apart from Hongjoong’s low whisper, there’s still the suffocating silence pressing on Seonghwa’s ears as the thick fog is swirling around their ankles.
Hongjoong isn’t looking up from the crystal and is now tracing his fingers gently along the leather against Seonghwa’s throat. “You should wear that more often,” he says absentmindedly, more to himself than to Seonghwa.
Seonghwa might just die on the spot. He doesn’t even make an effort to answer, knowing his voice would fail him.
Eventually, Hongjoong steps back and looks up at Seonghwa’s face again.
Seonghwa clears his throat and fiddles with the choker around his neck before looking back at the younger. Is he wearing contact lenses? Hongjoong’s eyes seem almost black, and his skin has a greyish white shimmer to it, even under the warmth of the streetlight. Maybe he is cold?
“Are you okay?” Seonghwa asks, regaining his composure. “Should we get going?”
“Tell me, Seonghwa,” Hongjoong asks in a low tone, brushing over the question as if he didn’t hear it, “Is there someone you like?”
Seonghwa freezes on the spot, wide eyes staring back at Hongjoong who just blinks at him innocently. Does he know?
Truth is, Seonghwa has been harbouring a secret crush on his friend pretty much since freshman year. A crush nonetheless that pretty much all of their friend group seems to be aware of.
Everyone apart from Hongjoong.
Whether Hongjoong pretends not to notice so as to not hurt Seonghwa’s feelings (Seonghwa’s standpoint) or whether he really was an “oblivious dumbass” (Wooyoung’s standpoint), Seonghwa didn’t know.
All he knows is that he doesn’t plan on confessing his feelings to Hongjoong. Like ever. Because Hongjoong is not only is crush but also his best friend and Seonghwa would rather die than threaten to jeopardize that friendship in any way.
So he’s gotten used to it. Burying his feelings and being grateful for the time he gets to spend with Hongjoong even if it never goes further. With all of Hongjoong’s playful teasing, Seonghwa had eventually learned that it’s just a part of the younger’s personality and not to be read as flirting in any way.
Yet there are always these little moments like today, when he refused to let Seonghwa in on his costume idea and winked at him, calling it a surprise, or….
Deep down however, Seonghwa knows that nothing ever comes from its and that’s okay. He’s fine.
Or was fine. Because right now, Hongjoong is gazing up at him with his dark eyes, still waiting for an answer. Seonghwa snaps back into the present moment. He doesn’t know how much time he’s just spent panicking over the question and staring at Hongjoong in disbelief. “I- well, it’s…,” he starts. There’s a swarm of butterflies in his chest, making it hard to breathe.
“Yes?”
“I-…You- You can’t just ask me that!”
“And why not?”
Seonghwa searches Hongjoong’s eyes helplessly. Yet all he sees his own reflection and the mesmerizing darkness glaring back at him.
There’s a beat of silence. Seonghwa takes a deep breath, bracing himself. If this is how it ends, he’ll go down gracefully.
“Because you should know,” he whispers.
At first, he’s not sure if Hongjoong has even heard him.
But then the younger’s features contort and twist into an almost manic smile.
In all the ways Seonghwa imagined this situation unfolding in his mind, he could’ve never foreseen Hongjoong’s reaction.
He was expecting denial, confusion, embarrassment or maybe even anger from his best friend. Instead, Hongjoong is laughing in his face. His perfectly white teeth shine even in the darkness as his pearly laughter rings down the street.
“You really think so, Seonghwa?”
Slowly, Seonghwa’s anxious anticipation turns to white hot anger as the butterflies in stomach burn up and die, leaving a heavy feeling in his gut. There’s a sting behind his eyes as the breath rattles in his chest.
“You-,” he starts, but his throat is closing up, stopping the words from coming out. He wants the ground to swallow him, to run, to hide – anything to get away from Hongjoong and this miserable feeling in his chest. In all his scenarios, Seonghwa had never pictured rejection to be this cruel.
He turns to make his escape, blinded by rage and unshed tears blurring his sight. He doesn’t even feel his feet tangling in his long cloak and only realizes he’s falling when a hand wraps around his waist to steady him.
“Hey, Seonghwa, stop.” Hongjoong’s voice is quiet but decisive. He’s not laughing anymore. Carefully, the hand on Seonghwa’s waist pulls him around until he’s face to face with Hongjoong again. Fingers come up to his face, brushing a strand of hair away from his forehead, then wiping his cheeks where tears have probably ruined his make-up.
“I’m so sorry, beautiful, I didn’t mean to startle you,” Hongjoong whispers and Seonghwa is getting whiplash from all the emotions he has felt in the past five minutes.
“That’s not what I meant, you know,” Hongjoong continues as if he could read Seonghwa’s thoughts. His left fingers are still caressing Seonghwa’s cheek, his other arm rests securely around Seonghwa’s waist. “I wasn’t laughing because I don’t know. Or to make fun of your feelings.” The grip around his waist tightens as Seonghwa tenses.
“Then why did you?” he asks in a small voice, avoiding Hongjoong’s eyes and instead looking at the fog around them. He can’t even see his shoes.
“I laughed because it’s all clear now,” Hongjoong says. Seonghwa can hear the smile in his voice, but he doesn’t sound malicious or mocking. The fingers on Seonghwa’s waist start rubbing little circles and he allows himself to relax into the hold. “You’ve shown me that it’s all true, Seonghwa.”
Seonghwa has no idea what this means. He turns his head to ask Hongjoong what he means by that when he feels Hongjoong’s breath close to his lips.
He can barely lift his head when Hongjoong presses a soft kiss to the corner of his lips.
Seonghwa feels like he’s not breathing as he allows his eyes to flutter close and tilt his head to accept the kiss. Hongjoong’s lips are soft yet reassuring and Seonghwa through his nose as the butterflies in chest awaken in full force.
Hongjoong pulls away first, cradling Seonghwa’s face in his hands. His smile is radiant and Seonghwa wants to drown in it.
“You’re my special star, beautiful. Don’t forget that,” Hongjoong whispers.
He lets his hands fall from Seonghwa and takes a step back. He grins before turning and running into the fog ahead. Only is laughter is ringing through the quiet street.
Seonghwa remains where he is for a second longer. Carefully, he puts a hand to his face to trace along his lips. Then he shakes his head. What the fuck just happened?
-👻-
A few minutes later, Seonghwa takes another turn and finally enters Yeosang’s street. The fog has evaporated as quickly as it came, and he can see the bright windows of Yeosang’s house glowing in the dark.
Pumpkins are lining up the narrow path to the front door. Seonghwa feels the heavy bass of the muffled music from inside as he steps up the porch to ring the doorbell. Hongjoong must’ve ran all the way here because even though Seonghwa picked up his pace on the last few meters, he hasn’t seen the other again.
Before he can dwell more on the implications of what this might mean, the door swings open, revealing a grinning Wooyoung. “Hyuuuung!! You finally made it!” he cheers, already pulling Seonghwa inside by his sleeve.
Seonghwa is about to open his mouth to speak when he is cut off.
“Thanks for welcoming people into my house,” the voice deadpans and Yeosang steps out from behind Wooyoung.
Wooyoung feigns annoyance. “But I’m glad you’re here, hyung. Come on, let’s get you something to drink!”
-👻-
“There you are, Hwa!”
Seonghwa almost trips over at the sound of Hongjoong’s voice behind him. Okay, be cool, park Seonghwa. It’s totally chill. It’s just a kiss. It’s all-
He finally turns around to face Hongjoong and promptly chokes on the half vodka half something else concoction Wooyoung has shoved into his hands.
“What are you wearing??” he finally chokes out, blinking away tears that have gathered in his eyes from coughing. He almost feels like an eerie sense of deja-vu from just an hour ago but then again, this is completely different.
“Do you like it?” Hongjoong asks, spinning around to give Seonghwa a proper look of his costume.
Exactly, his costume. For reasons beyond Seonghwa’s brain capacity, Hongjoong is no longer clad in boring jeans and t-shirt. Instead, he’s dressed in a long, white fur coat with little black dots, leather pants and casually holds a cane. A cane. Not to mention the intricate eyeshadow and dark red lipstick that is about to send Seonghwa in a coma. Also, his hair is dyed to match the coat, an even split of black and white.
Seonghwa gulps and takes a deep breath. His head his spinning. Evidently, drinking on an empty stomach hasn’t been his finest idea. “How did you change so fast?”, he manages eventually.
Hongjoong’s smile falls. “Do you not like it? Is it too much? I was kind of thinking-“
“No, Joong, that’s not what I mean!” Seonghwa jumps in quickly, trying to get a hold of his racing thoughts. “It’s just- you, we- ….we were just outside like half an hour ago, how did you do all this?” – he gestures at Hongjoong’s face and hair – “Just now, like I was just behind you, it hasn’t even been twenty minutes-“
With each word, Hongjoong’s frown deepens, and he holds up a hand. “Woah woah woah, Seonghwa what are you talking about?! I’ve been here since 2pm, I helped Yeosang set all this up and then we got ready. Did you not see my text?”
“Seonghwa?” he asks again when the other doesn’t reply. Hongjoong’s voice sounds very far away. The blood is rushing in Seonghwa’s ears and cold sweat his breaking out on his forehead.
“Are you alright?” A hand on his arms softly pulls him through the crowd to a nearby couch. “Did you have too much to drink?” The concern laced into Hongjoong’s voice pulls Seonghwa back to reality again and he shakes his head.
How is this possible? He’s met Hongjoong outside just 20 minutes ago. How could he be in two places at the same time?? Looking completely different?
“You know, I was going to compliment your outfit, Seonghwa and the pallor really adds to the vampiric look but right now you’re scaring me a little.”
If he wasn’t so creeped out and confused, Seonghwa would’ve laughed in Hongjoong’s face. Him scaring Hongjoong?? Yeah right…
Maybe this is some sort of sick joke. To mock Seonghwa and his stupid feelings. To first make him confess his love and then to act like it never happened.
He straightens his back and turns to look right at Hongjoong. The darkness in his eyes that was there earlier is gone.
“You know what, Hongjoong?” He forces his voice to be calm and steady, despite his racing heartbeat. “I don’t think this is funny anymore, drop the act, you got me.”
“What? Are you…? What the hell are you talking about, Seonghwa?” Hongjoong sits up too, putting a bit of space between them on the sofa.
“I said drop it. Listen, it’s fine.” Seonghwa heaves a deep breath. “We can just pretend it never happened but please save me the charade…and do tell what you did to your hair and face to make it look like that in ten minutes,” he deadpans, knowing his voice is icy and his heart breaks a little when he sees Hongjoong’s face go from clueless to defensive to hurt.
“Pretend what never happened? Is this about the costume thing from this morning? Seonghwa, I thought it would be a fun surprise, for god’s sake. I promise I will tell you in advance next time and we’ll…”
“Our kiss, Hongjoong!” Seonghwa blurts out. He can’t handle Hongjoong’s blatant dismissal any longer.
Hongjoong stills next to him, and his eyes widen. “Our what?”
“Our kiss, Joong. Outside, just now. You kissed me!”
Hongjoong shakes his head, still staring at Seonghwa like he has grown a second head. “You’ve clearly had too much to drink.”
“Are you playing dumb? Do you think that’s fair?” Seonghwa can feel the anger rising in his chest. “If it was so bad then just tell me but don’t act like you just conveniently forgot our first kiss!” The last words are barely a hiss. Somehow, he’s inched closer to Hongjoong again, there face only inches apart.
Seonghwa glares, Hongjoong stares back.
“Oh, I’m pretty sure I would remember our first kiss, Seonghwa.”, the younger deadpans after a pause.
Seonghwa feels too hot all of a sudden. His hands are shaking. He needs to get away from Hongjoong, away from this party. He looks the around the room quickly before deciding his best choice is to bolt.
To his unfortunate demise, he runs into Wooyoung on his way to the veranda.
“Not so fast, hyung.” Wooyoung steps into his path, holding up a hand.
“What are you doing? Seonghwa knows his voice borders on irritable, but he can’t help himself.
“I think the question should be what are you doing, hyung??” Wooyoung retorts. “You’ve been acting weird ever since you got here.”
“I’m being weird??” At this point, Seonghwa really just wants to laugh in his face. “Listen, I don’t know if all of this is a giant prank or something but it’s not funny anymore. I’m leaving.”
He tries to push past Wooyoung to get to the door but the other catches his wrist. “Seonghwa, you’re being ridiculous, if this is about Hongjoong-Hyung, then–”
“I said let me go!” Seonghwa whips his wrist out of Wooyoung’s grip in one quick movement and strides over to the door.
The night air hits his face and he takes a deep breath, before setting down the pathway to the empty street.
-👻-
“-hwa wait!” Against his better judgement, Seonghwa does stop and turn around at the sound of Hongjoong’s voice.
The younger falls into a little jog to catch up with Seonghwa.
Seonghwa can’t help to feel a tinge of pride to see Hongjoong run after him.
“I- I’m sorry, Seonghwa” Hongjoong heaves, catching his breath, before straightening up. “I shouldn’t have shut you down like that.”
Seonghwa shakes his head. “It’s fine,” he sighs. Back out on the street, away from the crowd and the music, he does realise how stupid he must’ve sounded to Hongjoong.
There’s a pause. Silence sits between them but it’s not uncomfortable. Seonghwa looks up the streets and sees pumpkins grinning back at him from various doorsteps. The fog from earlier seems to have dissipated entirely.
“You’ve really been here this whole time?” he whispers eventually.
“Yes, of course.”
Hongjoong pulls out his phone. “See, that’s us putting up the spider webs in the kitchen-“ He swipes over to the next photo. The time stamp at the top reads 3:22pm. “That’s me and Sangie putting on our makeup…Oh, and here’s Mingi accidentally pulling down the garland in the hallway because he’s too tall.” Hongjoong chuckles and puts the phone away again.
Seonghwa watches him. For all he can tell, Hongjoong is telling the truth. But did Seonghwa just hallucinate their entire meeting earlier? Come to think of it, Hongjoong has acted quite strange…
“Penny for your thoughts?” Hongjoong interrupts his mind carousel. “Did we really kiss? I mean…”
“Ssh” Seonghwa shushes him gently. “It doesn’t matter.”
When he sees the questioning look on Hongjoong’s face, he quickly adds. “It doesn’t matter but there is something I’ve been trying to tell you for a while.”
Another pause.
He takes a shuddering inhale. “I like you, Hongjoong. I think I have liked you for quite a while.”
After a moment of silence, he peers at Hongjoong’s face. The younger is staring at him.
“Well, I like you too, Seonghwa,” he says simply. “Have liked you. For quite a while.”, he adds quietly.
For a split second, Seonghwa wants to laugh. He suddenly feels very light, as if he might float up to the night sky and fly away. Instead, he focuses back on Hongjoong.
He takes Hongjoong’s hands into his. They’re cold and a bit clammy.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”, he whispers.
Hongjoong snorts softly, a small smile playing on his lips “You should know that, Seonghwa.”
Seonghwa freezes. Again, he’s caught in a brief feeling of deja-vu but this time it’s not eerie or unsettling. Instead, hearing his own words from Hongjoong lights a little fire in his gut and warmth spreads throughout his body.
He looks into Hongjoong’s eyes and finds no alluring darkness.
Hongjoong’s eyes are wide open and honest and Seonghwa melts a little. The butterflies in his chest are swirling up again as he leans closer.
"Trust me, I do.“