For Research Purposes, Obviously!

by BarracudaIsDead

Summary:

Two researchers set out on a mission to observe how the Creaking and Warden interact with one another, what they observe leaves them with more questions than answers.

Chapter 1: The Beginning of the End

Dreary, monotonous, bleak, eerie, quiet, that’s how everyone and everything describes his native land when they stumble upon it, and looking at it compared to the dark oak forests surrounding it, it's no wonder why. The sickly grayish hues of the biome’s foliage compared to the rich, vibrant hues of the surrounding biomes, no matter which one, almost makes it look like something sucked all the life out of it, leaving a barren husk of a forest in its wake. Because of its stark difference in appearance and rumors of the trees moving when you aren’t looking, every mob steered clear from it.

For the longest time, everyone and everything thought that the biome they called the “Pale Garden” had no native creatures, until one brave adventurer, who was dared to go in at night under the pretense he would get a turn with the “sheep machine,” found a member of his species. The discovery of his species quickly solved the mystery of the moving trees and brought an even stronger sense of unease to the mobs inhabiting the biomes around the pale garden.

Due to how shy his species is, they instinctively freeze up if they feel like they’re being watched. That, however, does not stop them from trying to attack the adventurers that try to explore their land while they’re awake, causing the adventurers to nickname them “weeping angels.” Despite the nickname catching on, his species was later named “The Creaking” due to their woodlike bodies making creaking noises whenever they move or freeze up.

Which leads us to this particular day…

It was a quiet evening when he spawned on top of the tree that held his heart, he quickly turned to watch the sunset like he did everytime he spawned on top of the trees. But before he had the chance to watch the sun go down, he noticed two random adventurers flying full speed towards him.

‘God dammit,’ he thought to himself as he tried to jump down from the canopy, but he instinctively froze before he could. The adventurers quickly landed next to him before circling him a couple times, one soon jumped down and started cutting down the trees, looking for his heart, the other one getting uncomfortably close to his face, calling him a “twink ass bitch” while punching him numerous times. What does that mean and why is he punching him? He sure as hell doesn’t know.

Sparks of pain suddenly shoot through his whole body as the other adventurer starts breaking his heart but he barely has time to think about it as his vision goes dark and his consciousness returns to the heart, now in the hands of the two adventurers.

With his soul comfortably resting in the heart, he listens to the two adventurers, silently plotting their demise. He takes note of some of the words and phrases they said; 1000 bottles of baby oil, Twitter, Warden, creaking, heart, tentacles, deep dark, he didn’t know what any of them meant but with how much they were saying and emphasizing them, he knew they had to be important. Soon after, his consciousness was flooded with the sound of wind as the duo took flight off into the unknown, quickly causing his consciousness to automatically shut off until he could spawn in again.

…

HUMAN POV

…

The first adventurer, a young man no older than 19 with fair skin, light brown hair, and hazel eyes, started pacing around the Second one, a much shorter man who looked to be about 10 years older than the other one with olive skin, dark brown hair, and dark brown eyes, too distracted by his own thoughts to notice what the other one was doing.

“I still can’t believe they found 1000 BOTTLES OF BABY OIL in Diddy’s house. Like, who needs that much baby oil? My mom bought a small bottle of baby oil 6 years ago and-”

“DUDE, I GET IT!” The other adventurer practically yelled at his companion while climbing back onto the forest canopy.

“1000 bottles of baby oil is outrageous but let's focus on the task at hand. I keep seeing these posts on twitter-” the other adventurer interrupted him.

“It was renamed X, Dawson.”

Dawson’s grip on the book and quill he was holding tightened, his knuckles turning white. He slowly turned towards the other, his rage at being corrected evident in his eyes.

“Interrupt me again and I'll shove an end crystal so far up your flat ass it comes out your mouth do you understand Dallas?”

“Sweet baby Jesus, fine.” Dallas mumbled, Dawson’s face softened slightly before continuing.

“Anywho, I keep seeing these posts on Twitter about the Creaking and Warden and how they’re essentially a perfect duo. Since the Warden is blind and the Creaking freezes up when it’s being watched, the Creaking can move freely around it, and since the Creaking is always, y’know, creaking, the Warden will always know where it is. Also, they both have hearts which I personally find to be very cute.” Dawson said, flipping through the pages in his book and quill.

“Wouldn’t the Warden try to kill it as soon as it emerges?” Dallas asked him, motioning for Dawson to sit next to him on the soft leaves as he pulled out a lantern, placing it between him and Dawson.

“Yes. However, because of the way the Creaking spawns, it would be invincible to the Warden’s attacks. I actually have a few mirrors set up in the ancient city around where I plan on setting up the heart so we can observe the two without the Creaking seizing up.” Dawson told him with a hint of smugness in his voice.

“Good idea! But, wait, do mirrors actually stop it from freezing up?”

“Yeah! How else do you think we have videos of it moving?”

“Oooooooh, Interesting…” Dallas’s voice trails off.

“Hey, Dawson? This next question I'm gonna ask you is 100% serious and is something I'm saying out of pure curiosity so please don’t get mad at me.” Dallas said, looking away from his friend.

“I can’t even imagine what bullshit question could warrant you saying that, speak.” Dawson told him, pulling his water bottle out of his backpack to have a drink.

“What happens if they start fucking each other?” Dallas blurted out.

Dawson choked on his water, a bewildered and horrified look plastering his face as Dallas started giggling like a child that just told their teacher to say ‘Gabe itches’ really fast. After gaining his composure, Dallas helped Dawson clear his throat and started apologizing for asking that question.

“What on god's green earth compelled you to ask that?!” Dawson yelled, a look of anger and embarrassment flashing across his face.

“Blame Twitter, I saw a guy tweet a photo of them with the caption ‘do you think they’ve explored eachother's bodies?’ and that got me thinking about it, and speaking of thinking about it, how would that even work?” Dallas started explaining before trailing off, his voice a mere mumble at the end. Dawson just stared at him, completely bewildered.

“Dallas, neither the Warden nor the Creaking have genitals of any kind, no mobs have genitals of any kind, WE don't have genitals of any kind. Why the hell do you think we gotta worry about them fucking when they don't even have the means of fucking each other?”

“Damn, no need to be a little bitch about it- A-Anyway, if they could theoretically fuck each other, how do you think that would work?” Dallas asked, mumbling the first part under his breath. Dawson was about to tell Dallas to get his mind out of the gutter when he actually started thinking about it, not in a lewd way, of course, but in a hypothetical kinda way. After around 12 seconds, he responded.

“Taking into account how aggressive the Warden is with everything it interacts with as well as its stature, strength, and speed, especially compared with the shorter, thinner, and weaker Creaking, I think it's safe to say the Warden would be on top and in control the whole time. As far as their genitals though…” Dawson started looking through his extensive research on the Warden and the deep dark as a whole.

“The Warden would most likely have either one or two tentacles, not unlike the skulk sensors, as genitalia. As far as the Creaking goes, I have no idea, it would probably either blend in with the rest of the bark or just be bright orange like its eyes.” Dawson went on, frantically flipping through his research on both mobs.

“Oh my god imagine if the Creaking just had a bright orange dildo attached to it, that would be hilarious!” Dallas said, earning him a chuckle from Dawson.

Both men drew quiet as they noticed the giant shadows in front of them, barely noticeable at first, but growing darker as the seconds ticked by. Turning around, they noticed the sun was starting to rise.

“Damn, were we really here all night?” Dawson asked, turning to face Dallas.

“Guess so, wanna pack everything up and head over to the ancient city?” Dallas said, grabbing the lantern and water bottle, putting them in his bag.

“Sounds like a plan, Follow me!” Dawson said, putting away his book and quill and firing himself off into the sky, closely followed by Dallas.

15 minutes of flying later, the boys finally arrived to the mouth of the massive cave system, carefully gliding down until they started seeing the skulk and their temporary research base, as well as the various mirrors Dawson set up. Dawson quickly put on his iron swift sneak pants before gliding down to a relatively open area of the city, placing down the pale oak logs with the creaking heart in the middle. After confirming it activated, he quickly shot back up to where Dallas was watching him from. They both quickly ducked out of sight and began observing what was happening from the mirrors.

…

CREAKING POV

…

When he spawned back in, he instinctively looked around to see if he could see the sun, only for him to be greeted by a dark, almost alien world he had never seen before. Looking around, he saw old, dilapidated buildings with strange blue lights, crumbling watchtowers, weird tentacles, and this deep blue material that was everywhere and reminded him of the stars in the night sky. Above him, he saw hanging stalactites that reminded him of the moss that hung from the trees back in his home. He also noticed this place was unusually quiet, with only the faint sounds of fire crackling in the distance and the occasional sound of dripping water echoing throughout the area. The place had a strange smell, like nothing he had ever smelled before, the air felt musty, damp, and cold, and the smell reminded him of lava, rust, ozone, and burning netherrack.

‘Where the hell did those two idiots take me?’ he thought to himself as he started to walk towards the moving tentacles, but he quickly stopped as he noticed they started clicking. The ground beneath him was that weird, starry material, and he noticed it was soft and damp, not unlike the thick moss his native land had. He slowly took another step towards the tentacles, his body creaking every time he moved, watching them as they clicked again, he moved even closer, inch by inch, observing the tentacles until he heard a loud shrieking sound come from his left. He quickly jumped, causing a very loud creak to echo throughout the cave, causing many other tentacles to click and triggering more shrieks. The sudden increase in volume from all around him caused him to become overwhelmed really quickly, but almost as soon as it began, it stopped. The world was quiet again, until he heard it; something massive started violently tearing itself out from within that starry material. He instinctively froze, watching it as it clawed its way out all the way, smelling the air and moving its head as if it were looking around, that's when he noticed something.

It had no eyes.

Upon realizing the creature couldn’t see, he relaxed, unfreezing his muscles and letting out a small creak involuntarily. The creature immediately stopped moving, having heard the noise, and turned towards him, listening for more noises and smelling the air. He stared at it, now realizing there was no chance he could escape. The thing ran towards him, stopping once its paws made contact with his shoulders.

They both stood there for a couple seconds, with him looking at the creature's face, a primal sense of fear overtaking his body, causing him to freeze up and make a quiet creaking sound. The creature, upon hearing his body creak, suddenly moved its left arm around his waist, pulling him closer to it and causing his body to emit a loud creak from the sudden movement. The creature, at this point, began nuzzling his face into the crook of his neck where his paw rested just a moment before, smelling the area intently before rubbing its face against him, not unlike the cats he saw in a nearby village rubbing themselves against the villagers.

Carefully, he reached for the paw on his shoulder with both of his hands, intending to move it to a more comfortable position.

…

HUMAN POV

…

“...but then, she made a podcast called ‘Talk Tuah’ which, for the record, is an absolutely genius name considering-”

“Dallas you might've had a point asking about what we’d do if they started fucking.” Dawson suddenly interrupted him. Dallas then slowly looked up from the notebook he’d been mindlessly doodling in and turned towards the mirror.

“Oh my god, I fucking called it, dude! look at them!” Dallas said, quickly tearing out the sheet of paper he was drawing on, balled it up, and tried throwing it in the trash can across their makeshift base, missing it by 4 blocks. Ignoring his massive failure, he started doodling the scene unfolding on the mirror in front of them.

“I don’t understand, the Warden’s always aggressive with anything that makes noise, why is it being so gentle?” Dawson asked no one in particular, frantically writing down his observations. A soft, damp sounding thump echoed throughout the cave.

“Oh my god, Dawson, look!” Dallas practically yelled before being frantically shushed by his friend. Reflected back at them in the mirror was quite the scene, both creatures were now on the ground, the Warden had both of the Creaking’s hands pinned above its head with one of his paws and was using its other paw to feel around the Creaking’s body.

“Oh my god…” Dawson’s voice was barely above a whisper, a sense of shock overtaking him.

“Will you ever let me pin you down like that-”

“Hell no. Start drawing this, I'll need some references for my research.” Dawson said in a harsh whisper as he started writing again, completely ignoring what his friend just asked him. Dallas quickly started drawing like he asked him to, his face flushed from embarrassment from the harsh rejection.

…

CREAKING POV

…

Pain engulfed his entire body as the creature, which he realized was called ‘The Warden’ based on one of the adventurers yelling something off in the distance, slammed him into the ground and pinned his hands above his head with one arm. The Warden’s other paw was slowly moving on his bark-like skin, exploring every crack and crevice, all while they were forcefully nuzzling that same area of his neck.

‘Why did those two jackasses have to take me specifically? Why couldn't they have just taken Rodger a few trees away?’ He thought to himself as the warden started nibbling and licking that same spot on his neck, which surprisingly felt pleasant to him. The Warden accidentally scratched him with one of his claws, making a popping noise which caused them to stop briefly before moving his other paw off of his hands and moving it towards his chest.

The Warden started scratching him vigorously, very vigorously.

A pain like nothing he ever experienced before engulfed his torso as the Warden’s claws dug into his tough exterior and were yanked out in a rhythmic fashion, over and over again. As he looked up at the Warden, he noticed it was smiling, drooling, and… vibrating? Though this wasn’t a normal vibration, the sound came from within the opening in its chest, almost as if something was rattling violently inside, muffled only by that weird starry material that covered everything nearby.

The Warden suddenly stopped scratching and began to smell the air before grabbing his torso, leaning in to smell it, that’s when he finally gathered the courage to look at the damage the creature caused to his body. Bright orange blood slowly seeped from the holes and scratch marks the Warden had given him, covering his torso, the ground, and the Warden’s paws and face. His attention soon turned from the sight of the blood to the sensation of the Warden starting to lick his wounds, slowly cleaning his torso.

…

HUMAN POV

…

“I’m definitely gonna be doing a lot more research on the Warden after this. Based on its current behavior, it might be a distant cousin of the Ocelot and Cat, or possibly Bears..? I don't know. We would probably have to do some DNA testing and possibly an Archaeology mission if there’s a match.” Dawson said while quickly taking notes.

“Is this a bad time to mention that I‘ve had that Catnap vs Skibidi Toilet rap battle stuck in my head this whole time?”

The tension that filled the air between Dawson and Dallas was so thick you could cut it with a knife. A look that can only be described as a mix of disappointment, disgust, and pure confusion overtook Dawson’s face as he slowly turned his head towards his brainrotted friend. Dawson took a deep breath.

“Dallas, you're my friend, partner, and coworker, and I genuinely care about you despite the petty arguments we have on a near hourly basis, ok? But, and I gotta know the reason behind this, why the actual fuck did you feel like you needed to tell me that while we’re in the midst of a potential scientific breakthrough?! Why didn't you just keep it to yourself until THIS-” He gestured towards the mirror, quickly stopping once he saw what was displayed on it.

“Oh my fucking god the Warden actually has two tentacle dicks…”

Chapter 2: The Point of No Return

Summary:

The unadulterated chaos that surrounds the Creaking slowly begins to turn into white hot pLeAsUrE- (I fucking can't with these words)

“Oh my fucking god the Warden actually has two tentacle dicks…” Dawson whispered to himself, his right hand loosely covering his mouth. The sound of a pencil on paper slowly began to bring him out of his state of shock, he slowly looked over at his friend, who was now laser focused on drawing the newly discovered tentacles, before looking at the ground. After a couple seconds of gathering his thoughts, he resumed taking notes.

…

CREAKING POV

…

After the Warden decided to violently use him as a scratching post, they began to slowly lick the blood off of his torso, focusing on one area until the bleeding stopped before moving on to another area. The feeling of the creatures tongue on his raw flesh was like nothing he had ever felt before, it was a very strange sensation and he couldn't figure out if he liked or not, and whenever the creature’s tongue dragged over certain spots where their claws dug in further than others, he would involuntarily twitch, making a loud noise and causing the Warden to stop for a brief moment before continuing to tend to his wounds.

Eventually, with nothing else to do as the Warden cleaned him up, he decided to look around the area he was in more closely. The thing that initially made the shrieking noise laid in ruins, having been destroyed by… something, as well as the other ones nearby. To his right, off in the distance, was something massive that resembled the portal ruins in the nearby village but much bigger and wider. Looking straight up, he noticed what had been illuminating him and the Warden the whole time, a small, one block wide hole that stretched all the way to the surface, and judging by the pinprick of sky he could see, he had to be at least 100 blocks underground. Left of the hole in the roof and halfway up the wall, he finally saw it, the mirror.

That damn mirror, reflecting the stunned faces of the two jackasses that kidnapped him and put him in this predicament. Anger quickly took over him as he started flailing his skinny body around, trying to escape the Warden’s grasp to try and attack the reflections of the two adventurers that forced him into this uncomfortable situation.

Just as he managed to wriggle his way out of the beast’s grasp and started running towards the buildings in an attempt to reach the mirror, a loud sonic boom echoed through the cave system, causing him to have an absent seizure. His whole body froze in a standing position and, after a few seconds, he fell over, creating a wood-like sound as he hit the stone below him.

It took a minute for him to come to his senses again but when he did, he noticed that the Warden had dragged him to a secluded corner against a building, out of sight of the mirror. He also noticed that a little way away, his Creaking Heart was almost completely engulfed in resin. His forearms, lower legs, and the uneven angles on his body had a light layer of skulk on them that seemed to be slowly embedding itself into his body based on the way it felt. Surprisingly, the last thing he noticed about his current situation was the fact that his legs were resting on the Warden’s shoulders.
…

HUMAN POV

…

“Fuck fuck fuck fuck fuck, where the hell did they go?! It was just getting good as well, damn.” Dallas equipped his Elytra, getting ready to drag the two mobs back into view of the mirror before Dawson stopped him.

“Dude no, you're gonna get killed and either you can't play on the server again or you’re gonna be the only one of us in survival mode. Let's just wait until morning when the Creaking despawns and the Warden buries itself again and readjust everything, we can always do this again.” Dawson eventually managed to convince his friend to pack up their things and head back to their base with the promise of recreating the experiment in a better way that would make it easier for them to see what the mobs were doing.

While cleaning up the area, Dawson found a crumpled piece of paper 4 blocks away from the trash can.

“Hey Dallas? Care to explain why there’s a crumpled up piece of paper with drawings of, um, Skibidi Toilet, a Sheep Machine, um, a one-eyed triangle that looks like bill cipher with no arms and a tie, and, uh, whatever-” Dawson gestured wildly at a crude drawing of him in nothing but thigh high socks and a cowboy hat “-THIS thing is, um, in the corner over here?”

“Uh, I can explain...?”

…

CREAKING POV

…

He stared at the roof of the cave, thinking about his life, his friends, and what his future might look like. As the seconds ticked by, he began disassociating, imagining himself on top of the trees back home watching the sun go down and seeing the stars slowly appear in the night sky.

Being drawn further and further into his thoughts, he didn't notice the warden had stopped nuzzling into his legs and was now attempting to locate a smell. Their left hand wrapped around his right leg, moving it aside as their right paw began exploring the area between his legs, searching for the source of the smell.

Eventually, they found it, a barely noticeable slit in his skin. They knew it wasn’t a wound of any kind due to the slit smelling more earthy and almost floral compared to the thick resin smell of the wounds he inflicted on the Creaking. Slowly, they used two of their claws to carefully begin prying open the slit.

He was suddenly pulled out of his thoughts by the strangest sensation he ever felt sending sparks through his pelvis and up his spine. He inhaled deeply, his body letting out a guttural creak that the Warden acknowledged before focusing on the slit again.

They nuzzled their face into the slightly opened slit and took a deep breath before lifting his head up, grimacing at the smell before going back in for more.

(Side note: Cats grimace after smelling something because it helps them take in the scent a bit better.)

The Warden’s hot breath on his newly discovered body part made him shiver. The feeling of it was uncomfortable but more so in the way of it not being enough, like eating a snack when you're hungry for a whole meal.

As if the Warden was reading his mind, they gave the area a quick lick. A feeling of pleasure shot through his slender body as his back arched from the sensation, his body making a high pitched squeal that the Warden Acknowledged before their tongue began circling around the opening Before violently shoving their tongue inside.

A wave of hot pleasure violently shot through his body like electricity, his body seized up as his Creaking Heart began slowly producing something other than resin. The feeling of their tongue inside him reminded him of the way a squid's tentacles would pulsate in the water as it moved.

He was pulled from his thoughts as the Warden not only shoved its tongue deeper, but also sunk its teeth into his pelvis, latching themselves in place.The uncomfortably intense pleasure he felt was quickly replaced with sheer panic as he scrambled to free himself from the Warden's jaws.

'Oh my god what the fuck is this thing trying to eat me god fucking dammit!' he thought to himself as he dug his hands into the ground, twisting and turning his body in an attempt to try and escape the creature. His eyes widened and he involuntarily bucked his hips back into the Warden as the tongue suddenly hit a super sensitive area deep within him.

His hips must’ve slammed into them a bit too hard because the Warden suddenly unlatched themselves from his pelvis, pulling their tongue out in the process, sat up, and quickly covered their mouth with their paws.

He laid there, his legs spread wide open and his new-found hole gaping and leaking an orange substance all over the ground, confused about both the Warden’s reaction and how he felt about the whole situation. The starry stuff now covered more of his body, beginning to tether and pull him into the ground. He lifted his head, his 3 eyes still as wide as saucers, and looked at the beast in front of him.

The Warden rubbed his paw against an area right above the left side of his mouth, a quiet moan leaving him as they did so. Upon closer examination of their mouth, he could see part of a tooth had broken off, undoubtedly being the source of pain.

Wait, a broken tooth?

He quickly looked down at his pelvic region, managing to free his right hand from the soft ground and quickly feeling along the puncture wounds for any sign of the tooth. After a while of feeling around, he eventually found the part of the tooth lodged in one of the punctures on his right side.

Very carefully, he tried to gently coax the tooth out by moving it around in the wound. After about 10 seconds of this, the tooth moved out enough for him to grab it and pull it out. The wound, now exposed to the damp air, started stinging as sculk spores started settling into the area.

Not knowing what to do with the now freed tooth, he gently brought his hand towards the warden and made his wrist creak ever so slightly so the beast could hear it.

Upon hearing the sound, they perked up, turning their head towards the noise. He creaked again, and the Warden gently reached out and touched his hand.

Both of them stayed in that position for a few seconds, the Creaking silently looking up at the beast’s gaping maw, and the Warden gently holding his hand, unsure of what to do with it.

Very slowly, he began to move the broken tooth into their hand, letting them feel it and properly grasp it before slowly slipping his hand out of theirs. The Warden carefully felt and analyzed the tooth before bringing it up to his mouth and very meticulously lined it up with the part of the tooth still in their mouth before inserting it.

The Creaking watched in amazement and utter horror as a slime-like substance the same colors as their tendrils started covering the tooth, briefly stopping to fill in the cracks before covering the rest of it in a cocoon.

After touching the cocoon one last time to make sure it was fully closed and secure, they quickly wrapped their arms around him, slamming them both into the ground before nuzzling into his neck, almost as a way of thanking him for his help. In return, he moved his free arm to his back and gave them a few gentle pats before pulling his arm away again.

Bad Decision.

Notes:

Finally finished this chapter, I'm genuinely so sorry I haven't updated in a while. my life has suddenly descended into chaos since I've posted this fanfic. having to deal with finding a job, going to school, my grandpa beginning to die, suspicious ash piles that were most likely my cousins at some point, and everything going on with the fucking government has been making everything so hard for me (and most likely everyone else as well.)

Another thing that hasn't helped with this whole fanfiction-writing thing is that I'm currently super obsessed with Poppy Playtime and may or may not be writing a smiling/nightmare critters fanfic that ill upload later on.

Anyway, long live Palestine, Ukraine, and Luigi Mangione!

Chapter 3: Quick update

School, work, Trump, grandfather beginning to die, and 2 missing relatives caught in the Eaton fire.

Fic hasn't been forgotten, I've just been a victim of the author curse. This fic WILL be completed eventually so don't you worry about that, see y'all soon!

EDIT (2/18/25): sooooo, we just got an update on the 2 missing relatives. One of their neighbors came back to search the remains of his house one last time before the debris people hauled it away and decided to also check out my relative's house as well. he found 2 very suspicious looking piles of ashes along with this weird soap/wax-like material in the basement, all of which were by the exposed water line. unfortunately, by the time he managed to get ahold of the authorities, the people hauling away debris had already cleared out most of that basement area and the police did nothing about it.

RIP Stacy and Marine, I'll never forget y'all.

Notes:

I genuinely have no idea how to transition scenes naturally without intervention, I'll figure out a way to fix this before the smut comes.