Chapter Text
She kept the coat she had worn in Brendok. It was Mae’s, she had told her so herself, and she let her keep it. Osha didn’t want to talk about the person who had given it to her, and was relieved when Mae didn’t insist. They had come to an unspoken agreement to leave it in the past. They didn’t talk about Sol either. A wound bled every time his name threatened to be spoken out loud. Instead, Osha kept quiet and let Mae tell her about all the journeys she had been through after leaving Brendok as a child, being completely alone. Osha listened and listened until Mae ran out of words. Then, she filled the empty space with childhood memories and banal conversations. All mention of bad times were drowned out by the need to survive: finding places to sleep and enduring precarious jobs to pay for their stays and food portions. Osha tried not to think about how similar that situation felt to her. Leaving the Jedi Order meant being thrown into the outside world in complete solitude, just herself and her eternal pain. Osha tried not to think about anything.
They had been lucky; recently, an older woman on an Outer Rim planet with considerable criminal activity had hired them to protect her in exchange for a place to stay and food. They had both agreed that it was not a safe planet for the lady and wondered how she had ended up there, but they didn't dare to question her for fear of causing trouble. It was a miracle that they had found that opportunity, and they could not risk wasting it.
Now, on one of her supply runs for the next day's food, Osha wished she had a mask. Both she and Mae experienced moments of paranoia, with the feeling of being constantly watched. They did not have too many ways to disguise themselves, only coats with hoods that covered their heads enough. Always keeping their heads down, going out into the city mostly at night, talking to as few people as possible. This time it was Osha's turn. The streets were beginning to empty and the food stores were near closing. She quickly bought what she was looking for and tried to hurry back. On her way, a street vendor made her jump by waving her wares in front of her face. Osha swung back, colliding with a body that she perceived by touch was much larger than her. The man turned around at the same time as Osha. Her face illuminated by the moonlight, his face covered in a gloomy shadow. But it wasn't necessary to have the light to notice the anger rising inside him. Osha saw the man's hands reach out to harm her. She had disturbed him and she supposed this was the way things were dealt with in this city. She started to prepare for a confrontation, feeling the weight of the Force on the tips of her fingers, the light side and the dark side within her fighting to take over. Then, an arm slipped between her and the man, accompanied by a voice with a familiar light-hearted tone.
“Hey, hey! Be careful with those hands, Riv” the stranger exclaimed, standing next to her and putting his arm around her shoulders. “The girl is with me.”
Osha felt her pulse rise and closed her eyes, almost forcing herself not to open them again. She heard her attacker's laughter and the sound of a pat in the arm. He had recognized her rescuer.
"You should have said it before," the big man's deep voice seemed to rumble through the ground. "You better teach your friend how to defend herself in the street. I could've killed her," he continued laughing, as if he were making jokes about the weather.
"Rest assured I will." the stranger said, squeezing her shoulder.
Osha opened her eyes and looked at him. He looked at her too. It was a split second in which time stopped and she thought the Force was playing with her. A spark ignited and multiplied inside her. She saw only a pair of dark eyes and the memory of crimson red.
Then, time resumed its usual course. Osha's feet moved before her mind could process it. The arm that was around her shoulders had positioned itself at the small of her back and was pushing her to walk, leading her away from the streets.
Osha finally reacted.
“What are you doing here?” she asked, meeting his eyes again, confusion drowning in her voice.
“I could ask you the same thing, Osha.” As he said this, he looked around impatiently, looking for signs of something. “But we shouldn’t keep talking here, the street can be dangerous at this hour. I know of a place, I’ll buy you something to drink and we’ll talk.”
He didn’t let her say anything else, gently pushing her again. The sparks inside Osha whispered to her to follow this new path, an unexpected one. Osha listened and listened until her whole body became the whisper of fire, until she could barely even hear the sound of their footsteps on the ground.
They were sitting now, in front of each other, at a table in a bar packed with drunk people, who were oblivious to the presence of any other beings. The wind was blowing through the window near them. Two drinks sat on the table. Osha wondered if she herself was a little drunk, even though she hadn't had a drink in months.
"Qimir," she said, looking down at her hands on the table, wishing that saying it out loud would make it a lie, a figment of her imagination, a false projection of the Force. But when she looked in front of her, he was there, he was real. And he seemed to be as entranced as she was.
"Did Mae tell you that name?" he asked.
"Isn't that your name?"
"It could be," he replied, tilting his head. "You can call me that."
Osha sighed heavily, wanting to roll her eyes at him.
"Will you answer my question from earlier?" she demanded.
“I had some things to take care of here. I was on my way back to the ship when I saw you on the street. Well, I wasn’t looking at you at first but I felt your intent in the Force.” He smiled at her, she sensed a feeling of pride. “You are very powerful, Osha. You could take down that guy” He admitted “but if you’re hiding, I would recommend not drawing too much attention to yourself.”
Osha wanted to laugh. She remembered seeing him for the first time back in Olega. At a first glance, she would never have guessed who he really was. His awkward attitude made him look small and harmless, appearing to be scared in front of the group of Jedi who interrogated him, hiding his intentions, his resentment.
“So, you didn’t follow us here?” Osha leaned her head forward to get a better look at his face and notice any inconsistencies in his answers.
“How would I know where you were?”
She looked at him in disbelief, wanting to say, don’t you know everything? But instead, she slid her gaze to his hands, curled around his glass. She thought of his touch around her wrist, months ago, on an unknown planet. She thought of the cold breeze of the island and its contrast with the warmth of his body so close to hers. For a moment, she lost herself in the memory of his words and the way they lingered into her mind, even when she tried so hard to make them go away. At her silence, he continued speaking.
“I left my planet for a while. I assumed that if you two had gone with the Jedi, you wouldn't hesitate to reveal my identity.”
“We thought about it” she confessed, “Mae told me that was what she was going to do on Khofar, before… everything else happened” Osha searched his expression for some kind of remorse or shame but, just like the first time she had confronted him, she only found conviction, affirmation. “But she knew that the Jedi would not let us free. So we managed to escape.”
Osha wanted to tell him that for a brief moment, she considered it. Going back to the island, letting him train her. It was difficult and embarrassing to admit but she wanted to learn to use her power the way she had on Brendok, through her emotions, just as he had assured her she could. He seemed to be the first person in a long time who had seen potential in her, who had believed in her. She wanted to tell him that when Mae told her to run away, she immediately looked for him, in the place where he was supposed to have been, waiting. But when she turned, there was no one there. Back then, she convinced herself that it was for the best, that for a second she had been confused but that she would come to her senses eventually. She decided to live in denial, in a dream.
Now, he watched her as she spoke, his gaze becoming deeper and deeper, almost burning.
“How are you?” he asked suddenly. His hand found hers, resting on the table. Osha shivered at his touch and he noticed, so he placed his hand around the glass again and waited.
“I’m fine,” she replied, trying – and failing – to give him a polite smile, which would hide her nervousness at the question.
He didn't believe her, she knew it when he didn't react and his eyes didn't leave hers. He was searching for the truth, waiting for her to continue talking, to complete the answer, to tell him, honestly, what had been going through her head all those months. He had seen her leaning towards the dark side, the display of that power he had assured her she had, he had seen how his words became reality. He had witnessed when she discovered a lie hidden for years and when she took the life of her former master between her fingers. Of course, Qimir wasn't going to believe that she was fine.
"I can sense that you're not okay, but you don't have to tell me anything. Although I would like you to tell me, if you wanted to," he clarified. "I suppose you've talked about what happened with Mae." At this, Osha lowered her head, unable to hold his gaze. "Or not."
Qimir brought his hand closer to her face and lifted her chin up. She took a deep breath and closed her eyes for a few seconds, some accumulated tears threatening to fall. There was no way to hide from him. She didn't even know why she was trying.
"I thought things would get better, now that it was just Mae and me. But I don't think I'm any better than I was before. It's not because of her," she admitted. "I still feel like there's something wrong with me. And I'm not sure she can understand."
It was the truth, she and Mae could understand each other in their shared trauma, the destruction of their home, their resentment, the wounds caused to each other by misunderstandings and disagreements. But they had been separated for sixteen years, each had followed their own path and that left a mark on them. Osha's past with the Jedi, her training in the Force, her difficulty between light and darkness, all those were things she believed her sister could not share.
A light breeze came through the open window behind them. Qimir took her hand again.
“You know I can help you with what you're feeling, right?”
Osha's eyes lit up. The sparks had transformed from whispers to intense screams. Her chest rose and fell rapidly. Qimir leaned towards her, the movement slow and careful. It reminded her of that one moment in Olega when he recognized her.
“I think... the Force has guided us to each other again.” he said, his voice clear and hopeful.
Osha laced their fingers together. His “last chance” had been a lie. She had rejected him and walked away from him. But he wasn’t angry. He waited for the right moment, trusting in the Force. He came back to her. Now he presented her with a new chance. And Osha thought that, this time, she could take it.