Space Cowboy

by engineer_of_time

Summary:

Desperation can lead you to a lot of places. The bottom of a bottle of whiskey, a dark alley, or maybe even a casino. You know, the usual places you'd go. Well, I must be a special case, because I ended up bein' a frozen TV dinner for over a century! I ain't makin' heads or tails of this situation, and the stupidly tall alien sure ain't helpin'!

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Inspired by Aphelion by adhdbaby!

Chapter 1: The Calm Before The Storm

Notes:

Update from Chapter 17 me: This is my first ever story, so my writing improves dramatically over the course of the work. Buckle up folks and enjoy the ride!

EDIT: THE PERSON WHO DREW THE IMAGE IS @garodetective ON TUMBLR! YOU SHOULD FOLLOW THEM LIKE RN!

       

 

        There’s a funny thing about being desperate, being so down on your luck that you’re willing to take whatever slightly good thing comes your way. Well, I don’t know if I’d really call that funny in hindsight, but when you’re in my shoes, you have to make a joke about it to keep your chin up. Putting it bluntly, I was incredibly down on my luck. I had just quit my job at a construction site after the site manager and I had a good shouting match, which wasn’t the best idea since that job had decent benefits and pay. However, for the life of me, I just couldn’t bring myself to hear one more word out of that asshole’s mouth. Every time he spoke it felt like I was a second away from getting punched, and god I hated that. 

 

        “Raymond!” He would yell my name at the top of his lungs, and I could tell it hurt. I hated that. He hated me so much that he didn’t care if he shredded his vocal cords, as long as he intimidated me then all was as right as rain. Didn’t help that he was some fancy big-city boy that had come down to Lafayette, Louisiana with a heart full of anger and a mind infected by rage. 

 

        Oh well, what was done was done, I guess. Thinking about it didn’t help. If anything, it would just make it worse. Best to just shut the damn thought out and head on home. Not like that helped ease my mind, mom was already struggling with money and dad would beat me to high hell again if he found out I quit.

 

        Walking home, my mind was racing through every possible question my family could ask me. I had to have a plan, because if I didn’t, my resolve would falter and all hell would break loose. I couldn’t go through that, not again. Not with what my dad would do to me or mom, depending on how drunk the bastard was. I was so deep in thought that I didn’t even register my surroundings. Not like it mattered, I knew this rundown neighborhood like the back of my hand. I could practically do it blind folded. Up ahead is what used to be the O’Grady’s house, before the roof caved in during a hurricane and they couldn’t afford to fix it. Shame that they left town because of it, their son, Michael, and I were good friends. 

 

        I remember I would spend my free time after school over at their house, hanging out with him. We were the same age, but god he looked so much better. His auburn hair was so fluffy and pretty. I was always jealous of it, because my ginger hair looked nothing like it. Oh, and his eyes, oh my god his eyes. You could get lost in those blue beauties for ages, and I did… What was I saying? Oh, yeah, the houses.

 

        Every other house looked about the same level of terrible. Smashed windows, broken steps, scuffed paint, the works. It looked like a ghost town, long since abandoned, but I knew better. Some poor sons of bitches lived in these homes, and I was one of them.

 

        I got home a quarter to nine, which meant that there was a chance my family didn’t suspect anything. I walked into the living room to see my dad in his broken recliner watching a Saints game. Thankfully, they were winning, which meant he was less likely to be irritable. He didn’t even notice that I had come in, but my mom did. Her ginger hair was done up in a messy bun and a warm smile was on her face. 

 

        “Ray!” Her warm voice called out from my left, and I could barely turn in that direction before she pulled me into a hug. “Glad you made it home safe! How was work?”

 

        Oh boy, here’s hoping my preparations paid off. “Good,” I feigned some happiness and put on a bright smile, “my boss said that if I keep this up, I could eventually get a raise!” God, I hated lying to her, but if it kept the devil that was in the next room from acting out, then all would be well.

 

        “Oh! Did you hear that, Kevin? Raymond might get a raise!” She shouted over my shoulder to the living room. I turned my head to look at my dad, but he didn’t even move a muscle.

 

        “That’s good,” he grumbled out, hacking up some phlegm, “I’ll believe it when I see it.”

 

        Okay, good, they both bought it. If I can just get to my room and start looking for another job, then I’m in the clear. “Mom, is it okay if I go upstairs? My legs and back are sore from all the-“

 

        “Oh! 'Course baby, you go and head on up!” Something I noticed about my mom was her cajun accent was always more pronounced around us than it was around her friends. I never could figure out why. Maybe she just didn’t want people to think of her as ‘that cajun gal’ or something. I never cared what people thought of my accent. I wore it loud and proud.

 

        “Alright,” I gave her a hug, “I’ll see you later, mom. I love you!” I said as I ascended the rickety stairs. I’m honestly surprised they were still standing. They’re more hopes and prayers than wood at this point.

 

        Once I was in my room, I pulled out my phone and desperately searched for a job position nearby. Unfortunately, most opportunities required a high school diploma, and, since I had to drop out to focus on helping my family, I didn’t exactly have one. After thirty minutes, I was getting desperate.

 

        “God, please, just give me something. Anything!” The desperation in my voice was palpable, dripping off of every word like a thick layer of tar that refused to let go no matter how hard I willed it. I was on the verge of crying from stress, and god was it tempting to do so. However, no matter how badly I wanted to, I couldn’t. I couldn’t break now, not on mom. I sucked it up, buried it deep down, and kept pushing. Just when I thought my luck had run out, I caught a glimpse of an ad.

 

        “‘Dahlonega Brother’s Offering Money For… Test Subjects’ hold on, what?” I squinted at the page, surely I wasn’t reading this right. Also, wait, I knew that name! I’d seen it before when I was in town. Something about two fancy pants scientists that had come down to our little town to help out the locals. I remembered everyone not trusting them for a while, but after the hurricane hit, they helped with relief work. I remember them handing out rations, supplies, battery powered radios, basically anything and everything that the two could spare. They seemed trustworthy, so maybe this job had some merit to it!

 

        I opened it and read the contents, “‘To whomever is willing to apply, the Dahlonega Brother’s are offering $100,000-‘ holy shit what?!” I double checked the number, and oh my god, I hadn’t misread it! $100,000 was a lot of money, especially for someone like me! God, I’d do a lot of things for that kind of money… none of which I need to think about right now! Come on, Ray, focus!

 

        I regained my composure and continued, “‘To whomever is willing to apply, the Dahlonega Brother’s are offering $100,000 for human volunteers to enter an experimental cryostasis pod for one year.’ Oh my god, that’s perfect!” That would mean I’d earn my family $100,000 up front and I wouldn’t cost them any money in grocery bills or utilities for a year! This. Was. Perfect! Without hesitation, I signed myself up and, surprisingly, heard back from them within the hour. They sent me the address of the building and I was scheduled to meet them tomorrow. I would have to tell my parents, but that was a problem for tomorrow Ray. For now, today Ray was gonna rest his head and sleep peacefully for the first time in a while.

Notes:

Come check me out on Tumblr if you have any questions!
https://www.tumblr.com/engineer-of-time

Chapter 2: The Eye

        “A year?! What the hell do you mean a year?!” Dad was screaming at me when I told him. That honestly surprised me, I thought he would jump at the first opportunity to send me packing.

 

        “It’s just for a year,” I said, trying my best to be reassuring, but I was failing spectacularly, “besides, that means you guys can spend the money you normally spend on me on something else! Hell, maybe you can go to a Saints game!” I was grabbing at straws. I knew that my parents weren’t going to like the news, but I was doing this no matter what. I just had to make it sound good to my parents.

 

        “What if it fails? What if you get hurt?” My mother’s worried voice chimed in. God, if anything in this universe could make me reconsider this, it was her. She is as kind as an angel and as sweet as can be. Her gentle voice could bring me out of a fiery, hot rage and soothe me into a state of calm. It nearly made me turn away from the door, but then dad piped up.

 

        “I knew it! I raised an idiot,” his voice was harsh and grating on my will. He took a step towards me, a mean look in his eyes. He towered over me by a good few inches, and it scared the hell outta me. He would always do this when I was younger, trying to intimidate me, but I wasn’t walking away this time. Not today, not when something has finally gone right.

 

        “Listen, you said it yourself! We need the money, this is the best way I can help! If you just let me-“ the words barely left my mouth as his open palm collided with my right cheek. It burned where he had made contact, and I instinctively raised a hand to it. I gazed up, through the tears welling in my eyes. I saw my mother’s hazy outline. She had her hands to her mouth in shock, but I couldn’t make out much more. Dad looked madder than forty hells, and it looked like he wasn’t done with me yet. 

 

        He raised his hand again, but I wasn’t gonna take it. I wasn’t 12 anymore. I was 23, and I’d gotten bigger, stronger, and damn good at fighting. I blocked his hand with my arm before I pushed him against the wall. I should have fought him right there. I should have hurt him like he had hurt me and ma over all these years, but I didn’t. I threw the door open, took one last glance at him, and ran out the door.

 

        My feet hit hard against the cracked pavement as I ran down the street. I could hear him yelling after me, but my heart was beating so loud I couldn’t make any of it out. I just kept running as fast as I could, desperate to get away from him. After about thirty minutes, I was out of breath. Every inhale was a desperate gasp for air to fill my lungs, and my throat stung each time I dared to swallow. I slumped against a nearby tree, trying to think my situation over.

 

        “Okay… so… fuck me, what did I do?” The weight of my actions finally came crashing down. I had pushed my father, and he was gonna harbor that rage for me until I got back. It didn’t matter if it was a day, week, month, or year. He’d let that anger fester until I came back home, at which point he’d let it out by beating me within an inch of my life. 

 

        “God, that was stupid. That was so, so stupid.” I was getting anxious, and that only made the whirlwind of thoughts in my brain spin faster and faster. “I need to,-“ I practically gagged on my own words from exhaustion, “-to see the brothers.” Without another word, I took off in the direction of the address.

Chapter 3: Brothers Grimm

       By the time I had gotten there, I was drenched in sweat. My cheek still ached, and my legs felt like jelly. Man, I hurt in places I didn’t even think I could. My whole body ached from it all, and I was really hoping that I hadn’t done all of that for this job to be a joke. Oh god, what if it was a joke? My head started swimming again and my breath was caught in my throat. My mind was content to drown me in my own thoughts, but I wasn’t gonna have a panic attack. Not now, not fucking now.

 

       I shakily raised my fist and knocked on the door. No response. “Oh no, oh fuck was it all really a joke?” My anxiety practically screamed at me, forcing all my rational thoughts to take a leave of absence. Great, this was just peachy. God I… I was so dumb for doing this. Taking up this kind of offer was risky, I might be the dumbest person-.

 

       Before I could finish the thought, the door swung open and I was greeted by a well groomed man. He looked to be in his mid to late 20s, and had that ‘well educated’ look on his face. He stood at about 5’10” or 5’11”, hard to say which, but he was definitely taller than me. He was wearing a pure white lab coat that went down below his knees. He had these warm hazel eyes that just soothed you the moment they caught you in their gaze, and god… that smile. That smile was something, but something about it felt off. Although, I couldn’t quite put my finger on it.

 

       “Hello, are you-” he flipped through some notes, scanning a piece of paper, “-are you Raymond Jay Cortez?” His eyes shot back up to me and my anxiety melted away in an instant. Okay, so this job was real, maybe. God, I need to relax.

 

       “Y-yeah! That’s me!” I did an awkward as hell finger guns motion, which was made even worse since I nearly tripped while doing it. God, I was making a fool of myself. He didn’t seem to mind, and if he did he was really good at hiding it. “So… are you one of the Dahlonega brothers?” He obviously was, I had seen them before, I just needed to say something, anything to keep the conversation moving.

 

       “Why, yes I am! My name’s Cooper, my brother is Micah,” he motioned further in towards a person I couldn’t see, “it’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance.” He did a little bow before standing upright and walking into the building, motioning for me to follow, and boy I did.

 

       The room was full of… fuck me, there’s no other word for it, science gadgets and gizmos. Big machines that beeped and booped and did weird things I’d only seen in sci-fi movies, which just blew my mind. There was this one machine that seemed to whir with electricity and sputtered it out in waves. I couldn’t keep the shocked expression off of my face. I stood still in the middle of the room, gobsmacked by it all. Eventually, Cooper put his hand on my shoulder.

 

       “Come sit down over here, I’d hate to make you stand any longer,” he assisted me towards a chair, “you look exhausted!” It was a deep blue lounge chair that looked softer than my mattress back home, and sitting down confirmed that. Sitting in that chair felt like my body could finally relax for the first time in my life. I let out an audible sigh at the sensation, closing my eyes as I did. I was in heaven.

 

       Despite the incredibly comfortable chair, I couldn’t help but feel… off. This job was, admittedly, incredibly sketchy, but god I needed the money. Desperation is one helluva thing.

 

       “Uhm, Mr. Cortez?” Cooper’s voice chimed up. I opened my eyes and saw him sitting opposite me with a clipboard in one hand and pen in another. “I just need to ask you some basic questions before we begin. Is that alright with you?” His voice was kind, and gentle, but god, it felt like I was getting therapy.

 

       “Uh, yeah sure. Hit me with ‘em science man.” Man, I sucked at talking.

 

       He chuckled at my terrible joke. “Okay, so, just to clarify, your name is Raymond Jay Cortez?” He glanced up at me, and I nodded in response. “Okay, how old are you?”

 

       “I’m 23. I was born September 2nd, 2001.” I paused, “I figured you were gonna ask me that last bit next.” Cooper smirked at me. Was I actually being funny? No, no, that was a pity smile. It had to be.

 

       “Okay, next, for basic medical information, what is your height and weight?” He kept scribbling down onto his clipboard as he talked, occasionally shooting glances my way.

 

       “I’m 5’7” and I weighed about 151 pounds last I checked.” The weight seemed to match. I had gained a lot of muscle over the past couple of years due to all of my jobs in manual labor.

 

       “Alright, are there any outstanding medical problems we should know about? Additionally, do you have a history of mental health issues?” Cooper’s eyes kept dancing between me and his clipboard.

 

       “Uhhh… I had a great aunt with heart issues, but I ain’t experienced anything like that before. As for mental health, wouldn't know.” I leaned in to whisper the next bit, trying to hide it out of embarrassment, “My family’s too poor to afford therapy and stuff like that.” My eyes fell to the floor. I didn’t want to look up and see Cooper’s gaze. I couldn’t bring myself to see if he was silently judging me. I heard him scribble something down.

 

       “Okay, so, we’re gonna do a scan of you before we put you under. Just standard procedure, don’t worry.” My eyes were still glued to the ground, unable to force them upward. “Micah! Bring the scanner!” A nearby door opened and my gaze was finally my own again. I followed the noise and saw Cooper’s brother. He was more scrawny than Cooper, but still kept that same warm expression on his face. Before I could even say hello, he shoved a… what did they call it, scanner? Whatever he called it, he shoved it right in front of my face, and I forced my eyes shut. I heard this electronic buzzing sound as he slowly passed it from the left to right side of my face. It felt… weird? Like my face was going numb, while also feeling like I had more control of it than ever. It’s hard to explain. As my brain tried to process this new, and, quite frankly, bizarre sensation, it was over. My eyes shot open and both brothers were looking at the scanner. I looked around the room, trying to distract myself. The wall was… very gray and the floor was… also very gray, but a slightly lighter shade. Man, this was not a good distraction at all, and the cool science stuff was on the other side of the room, past the brothers. I couldn’t even look at that!

 

       “Mr. Cortez?” An unfamiliar voice called out to me. I snapped my head back to see it had been Micah that had addressed me. “We think that, after careful consideration, you’d be the perfect candidate for the cryo stasis program!”

 

       Oh thank fuck . I was beyond ecstatic that I had been accepted, I didn’t even wanna think about what would happen if I hadn’t been. He helped me up out of that comfy blue lounge chair, and honestly I missed it the moment I left it. It was like I was saying goodbye to a very cool, very comfy friend.

 

       “When can you start for us?” Micah asked me, a wide smile on his face.

 

       “Honestly, now would be pretty sweet.” ‘Pretty sweet’? God I’m stupid. Micah exchanged a look with Cooper before turning back to me and nodding.

 

       “Well, let’s escort you to the pod, shall we?” Cooper gave me a gentle pat on the back before pushing me into the next room.

 

       I was, once again, awestruck. This room was somehow even cooler. I was convinced that the other room must have been some kind of diversion to distract away from the real sciency stuff that went down in here. Before me was this large oval sized machine that had a bunch of wires and tubes coming out of it. It had this rectangular panel on it that was for god knows what, and next to that was some kind of handle. 

 

       “Maybe that opens it?” I thought to myself.

 

       “Of course it does! Why wouldn’t it? It’s a handle! Handles open things! You damn moron!” Annnnnnd there’s self-deprecation to ruin the fun. Great, cool. Guess there’s no more ‘wow, science!’ moments for me.

 

       Micah reached for the handle, and the door gently swung open. The inside looked kind of like those cryo chambers from Fallout 4… neat. That made me a little anxious, but I swallowed my fear and climbed on in. I rested myself in a comfortable position, figuring that if my body was gonna be a certain way for one year, then I may as well be comfortable. Cooper shut the door behind me, and I could slowly feel the cold creeping in. It caused ice to form on the glass of the pod, and man did the cold suck. It only lasted for a few moments, as my body slowly began to fall to the gentle pull of unconsciousness. Pretty soon, my eyelids started to feel heavy, and my mind began to wander. The last thing I thought before I fell into peaceful oblivion was, “See ya in a year!” Just like that, I was out.

Chapter 4: Out Of The Pan

       I was awoken with a sudden jolt, pain coursing through my chest. My vision was blurry, and all my brain could process were shapes. Man, no one told me a year of cryo would suck this much to wake up from. The pod slowly opened and I raised a hand to my head. God, it was throbbing in pain. My eyes stung as the light pierced through the open pod, blinding me.

 

       “Jesus, one of y’all coulda said how much this woulda sucked. I mean,” my words got caught in my throat as I dryly swallowed, “well maybe you didn’t have any other test subjects before me. Still, this hurts like hell.” I tried to look around, but the blinding light forced my eyes shut. It felt like I’d woken up from a really shitty hangover.

 

       “Uhm, sorry, what?” An unfamiliar gruff woman’s voice responded to me. She sounded confused as all hell.

 

       “Great,” I thought, “they got someone inexperienced to open my pod. The $100,000 better be in my account right now or I swear.” Thinking that made my head hurt even more. Even the smallest thoughts hurt. God, I needed some medicine.

 

       “Never mind, I just need some ibuprofen. My head hurts like hell.” My vision was slowly getting better, and I could see a woman standing in front of my pod. She had dark black hair that went down to her shoulders, but it looked messy beyond belief. Her eyes were a kind green, kinda like tree leaves in the spring. She was wearing a black hoodie with some gray sweatpants.

 

       “Uhm,” she looked around, “yeah, we should have some. Hold on a minute. Gana!” She yelled towards a nearby room. Actually, looking around, this was nothing like the room I went under in. This room was mostly white with walls fashioned with metal, a drastic change from the more industrial one I was in. This room felt more like a hospital than a lab. Weird, but whatever, as long I had gotten my money I didn’t care. I heard heavy footsteps coming from the other room, must be that Gana guy she called for. My headache was getting worse, and my eyes shut from the pain.

 

       “K’leesh, dra se-lyk?” A gruff, almost animalist voice called from the entrance of the doorway. My eyes shot open and looked in that direction. There stood a humanoid creature with ash colored skin. It… honestly kinda looked like a Turian from Mass Effect. The only major differences were that its mandibles were smaller and it had four fingers. It was wearing a green bomber jacket, gray undershirt and some slick black pants. Its eyes were a deep blue, like a pristine lake left untouched by mankind. The clothes looked strangely… human. My whole body froze. 

 

       “What the hell is that thing?!” I screamed out. All mental registration of how numb my legs were or how much my head hurt went out the window and were replaced by pure adrenaline. I fell out of the pod and doubled back towards a corner of the room away from this thing. My eyes were wide with terror, and I could hear my heart beating out of my chest. My anxiety didn’t help much either, since it started to make me hyperventilate.

 

       The lady looked at me with confusion. “That’s Gana, why are you acting like that?” That was Gana?? This creature straight out of a sci-fi novel was Gana?! Oh god this was too much. The thing crossed its arms and made a sound that for the life of me I could never recreate.

 

       “Drothol drulth, garn’oth sul,” ‘Gana’ pointed a finger at me, “epon’tol, dra far’is?” He was looking at the lady who opened my pod.

 

       “No… Gana, that’s impossible.” Her voice was firm and harsh, “It was mandated by the Federation Council in 2103!”

 

       2103? No, no I must have misheard her. There was no way that was right, it couldn’t be! This was some kind of sick joke, a punishment from God for one of my many past mistakes. It was all just one big joke, it had to be.

 

       “Sorry,” I spoke before I could even finish my train of thought, “did you say the year was 2103?” My voice was shaken, but I couldn’t help it. If that was the truth, then there is no reason for me to hide my anxiety. My life was mere words away from crashing down around me, and it rested entirely on what this woman would say to me.

 

       She turned to me, a confused look on her face. “No? The current year is 2179.”

 

       Every single noise around me went into static. The gentle hum of the AC, her voice, the voice of this Gana guy, all of it. I couldn’t even think! It felt like I had been dropped into the ocean with a boulder attached to my ankle and I was slowly sinking. Deeper and deeper I plunged into darkness. My breathing was erratic, and I could feel myself losing consciousness. My legs gave out, and I was lost to the darkness.

Chapter 5: What The Cat Dragged In

       It was a simple mission. Go in, grab some data on the supply routes of the Dothrekar, and get out. But nooo, we just had to poke around the Cargo Bag because Rovloc wanted ‘more creds to upgrade his suit’. Well, nice going Rovloc, because now I have to drag a passed out human male to the med-bay. Wonderful! Just how I like to wind down after a mission. Bastard.

 

       “You know, I can tell when you’re upset.” Captain Penelope told me, watching me carry the human to the med bay.

 

       “Really? What gave me away?” Sarcasm was dripping from my voice. It clinged to every word, syllable, and vocal that I had. Not sure how much the translator could pick up, but I didn’t care.

 

       “Listen, Gana, I understand that you aren’t thrilled about this,” she continued, her voice was soft and reassuring, “but if the Dothrekar had a human in stasis on board their ship, then it’s a bad sign.” She sighed, stretching her hands above her head. “It means they’re getting bolder, Gana. Making more drastic moves, and they’re being more obvious about it. They’re not scared of the Federation.”

 

       She was right, the Dothrekar as an organization had been known to engage in some pretty shady dealings, but never organic lifeform trafficking. They were planning something. However, that still didn’t explain one thing. 

 

       “Why did he react that way to seeing me?” I asked. Surely this human had seen a Routh before.

 

       She shrugged. “Maybe he’s a human supremacist. Who knows? There’s a decent portion of Earth that still believes anything ‘non-human’ is impure.”

 

       That wasn’t impossible, but something about that diagnosis didn’t feel right. The way that this man had looked at me just felt… off. It didn’t feel like it was coming from a place of bigotry or ignorance, but genuine fear. Then again, bigotry can cause that kind of fear in people. However, one thing was still preventing me from arriving at this conclusion. When I asked him if he was okay, he didn’t seem to register what I said. Also, he spoke in this weird… tone? Dialect? No, Captain Penelope talked with you about this. Humans call them ‘accents’. He spoke in a bizarre accent that I had never heard before. I should inquire about this more when he wakes up.

 

       “Are we sure he can understand me?” I asked. I still wasn’t entirely convinced he could.

 

       Penelope turned to me with a raised brow, a slight smirk on her face. “Gana, come on man. Like I said earlier, translators were mandated by the federation council in 2103. He’d have to be from before then for him to not have one, and that’s just too ridiculous to even consider.”

 

       I shrugged, but deep down I didn’t agree. Yes, on paper, she was probably right, but the way this man looked at me just kept playing in my mind. Over and over again, like a replaying holo-message. That was the one thing that stopped me from accepting her theory. Thankfully, a quick med scan would confirm or deny this. It was just a matter of time.

 

       We finally reached the med-bay, and I let out a small sigh of relief. “Thank the Goddess we’re here. Even though he’s light, I don’t like carrying unconscious people around.” I gently set him down on one of the beds. Out of all the ships I had worked on, the Malikis’s med-bay was one of the best. Multiple beds for injured persons, high tech scanners, and a wide variety of medical supplies. It also helped that this room had a lovely painting on the walls that, statistically speaking, reduced stress in most species by 72%.

 

       “Mmmm, excuses. I think you’re just getting weaker, Gana.” Her voice was playful and she had that all too familiar gleam of mischief in her eyes. She was trying to get a rise out of me. Well, that wasn’t going to happen. 

 

       I chuckled softly and ran a hand through my forged, or, as Penelope insisted upon calling it, hair. Humans like her had strange naming conventions. “Let’s just get a basic scan done, that cryo pod looked pretty rudimentary and I want to make sure he doesn’t have any lasting damage.” I was right about that, the damned thing looked like it was based off of tech from a century ago. Whoever made it must have been a risk taker, and this man was either cheap or desperate if he got into this. He didn’t look the desperate type. Then again, it was hard to tell since he was unconscious. Why am I trying to analyze potential motives while he’s unconscious? Stick to the physical descriptions first, then work from there.

 

       He appeared to be below average height for the sex of his species. Despite that, he was in superb physical shape. Bodybuilder? No, not enough definition on the muscles. More than likely he has, or had, worked a job involving manual labor. Beyond that, he was wearing a gray shirt with a brown dog on the front, denim jean pants with some tears along the seams, and a pair of worn out sneakers. Additional cosmetic details included that he had messy ginger hair, pale skin, dots on his face, I believe humans call them ‘freckles’, and, if memory serves me right, gentle hazel eyes.

 

       I paused my train of thought, and found myself hanging on that detail. Why had I pointed it out? It’s unnecessary to call his eyes gentle. It’s a pointless detail, and boils down to interpretation. That’s not needed for a base physical description. Focus, pay attention, block out all pointless thoughts, and resume. I have a job to do.

 

       First, I needed to obtain a base scan to see if there are any glaring issues with his vitals, brain waves, etc. “Computer, scan this human male and provide me with a general prognosis and diagnosis for any and all conditions he may be suffering from.” I hesitated for a moment. “Additionally, when he awakens, run a psychological evaluation in the background.” I had to be sure. Something about this whole situation felt off, so I needed to cover all of the possibilities.

 

       The ship’s AI whirred to life, letting out a gentle electrical hum. The med-bay scanner lowered towards the male and began scanning him, but I couldn’t focus on that. None of this situation made sense. Sure, there were potential explanations that were easy, but none of them felt right. That was the problem, I couldn’t just wrap this up in a neat little bow and call it a day. Something was inherently strange about this situation, something I couldn’t put my talon on. It felt like I was walking through a tunnel, but the exit just kept getting pushed further and further away. 

 

       I looked towards the unconscious man. His ginger hair hung loosely over his face, and freckles danced along his cheeks like stars in the night sky. Try as I may, I couldn’t avert my eyes from him. Believe me, I certainly tried. I tried to force them to gaze anywhere else in the room, but I couldn’t. 

 

       “What makes you so interesting?” I whispered, my eyes still glued to him. His skin was somewhat pale, and his cheeks were slightly red. I never understand how humans could-

 

       “Hm? What was that?” Penelope chirped from the other side of the room.

 

       My gaze shot away from him and towards her. She had a look of confusion on her face. I don’t blame her for it, because I certainly didn’t know why I was behaving like this.

       “Oh, nothing. Just thinking out loud.” My eyes moved back to him. Goddess, why couldn’t I stop looking at him? Did he have some greater power over me that I couldn’t fathom? Whatever it was, I didn’t like it. Not one bit.

       “Holy shit! Gana! Come take a look at this!” Penelope called out to me. I looked up and made my way towards her. She was looking at his scan, a look of pure horror infected every pore of her being. Her eyes were frozen on the screen in front of her.

       “What? What’s wrong?” I couldn’t see the screen, she was blocking it. She didn’t even register what I had said. She stayed there looking at the screen, unmoving. I had to gently push her aside in order to see what all the commotion was about. When I finally saw the screen, I understood. I was right, he didn’t have a translator. Unfortunately, that confirmed my worst theory. He must have been from before 2103. However, ever so faintly on the charts, I could have sworn I saw some kind of electromagnetic pulse course through him, but I was clearly mistaken. It wasn’t there when I went to look at it again. 

 

       Goddess, Gana! Focus! This man is from before 2103! He’s a walking fossil!

 

       My mandibles went slack in amazement. I turned to look back at him. I suppose I had been given an answer as to what made him so interesting.

Chapter 6: Confusion

       “This should be impossible!” Penelope was pacing the med-bay floor, practically making track marks that dug into the floor as she went. “Cryo stasis technology was not nearly advanced enough from before 2103 for him to still be alive! The maximum number of years a cryo pod could last back then was twenty in a best case scenario!” She was incredibly anxious, biting her nails and running her free hand through her forged - no, humans call it hair - making it all messy. 

 

       My mandibles were twitching. How could this even be possible? The natural response is that it isn’t, but clearly that isn’t a viable answer anymore. Come on, think! How is this even possible?! I desperately tried to search my mind in an attempt to solve this puzzle, but I couldn’t. 

 

       “God, it all makes sense now! If he really is from before 2103, then he’s never seen a Routh before! That’s why he was so scared of you!” She whipped around to face me. Her movement was so erratic that it put me on edge. I wasn’t used to seeing her like this. She was normally so calm. To see her so completely unwound just - it felt wrong.

 

       “I suppose that makes sense,” I replied. “Well, as far as first impressions go, I guess I’m off to a bad start.” I joked, trying to ease the tension. It didn’t work in the slightest. Then again, humor was never my specialty. Penelope kept pacing around the room, slowly becoming more and more frantic as she went. I tried my best to stay quiet and keep out of her way. 

 

       “Fuck! Okay… okay. What do we do here?” Penelope’s pacing was getting worse, moving more erratically the deeper she spiraled. I would be lying if I said she wasn’t making me nervous. It felt like if I said so much as a word I’d be shoved into the airlock and vented out into space. I know she wouldn’t, but the feeling was still there.

 

       “Maybe making a list of things we should do would help?” I’m not the best at calming people down, but I couldn’t take it anymore. Her pacing was making it hard to focus. The relentless stomp of her boots on the metal floor irked my brain in a way I can’t describe.

 

       She suddenly stopped dead in her tracks, and her face shifted from sheer panic to a more neutral expression. She turned her head to face me, a thoughtful expression on her face. “That… actually, that’s not a bad idea.” She went to sit down in a nearby chair opposite me, putting her hands between her legs. Her black hair hung loosely over her shoulders. Before I could even offer a starting point, she just went off.

 

       “Okay, so, first things first, we need to get him a translator. I should have a spare one in my cabin. Second, when he wakes up, we need to ask him questions. Like, ‘what do you remember’, ‘what year are you from’, stuff like that. We need as much information as possible!” 

 

       It was best not to interrupt Penelope once she had found a strong train of thought. I saw Rovloc interrupt it once, and she was upset about it for the rest of the day. She went on and on about how she “lost her train of thought” when he interrupted her. She didn’t forgive him for it for the next day or two. I wasn’t exactly itching for that to happen to me.

 

       Penelope looked at me, an inviting expression on her face. Ah, okay, now I can talk.

 

       “Yeah, sounds like a plan.” My voice was more relaxed than normal. I really didn’t want to set her off. “However,” I started, a hint of concern in my voice, “one small question, are you sure I should be here when he wakes up?” It wasn’t like I wanted to leave, but this human was from pre-first contact. Me being here would make him anxious, and that would make it difficult to get information out of him.

 

       “Look, Gana,” Penelope started, “I know this might sound crazy, but I actually think you should be here when he wakes up. He’s already seen you and, honestly, it’s probably better for him to realize you aren’t a monster sooner than later.” Her tone was soft as she spoke. She only ever talked to me like that when she was worried I’d be upset with her decision. 

 

       I sighed, stretching against the backboard of the chair. She did have a point, even if I wasn’t fully on board with the decision. He had already seen me, and the way he looked at me told me everything I needed to know. He thought I was some kind of monster, I’m sure I looked like one to him. My heart panged at the thought that I had made this man scared for his life. Not like I hadn’t done that to others before, I was the gunner and muscle of the group, but this was different. This wasn’t some pirate, low-life thug, or psychotic individual hellbent on harming others. I could tell that just by looking at him. This was an innocent person likely frozen for over a century who was forced to awaken into what must feel like a nightmare.

 

       “Gana, you okay? If it really bothers you that much, you don’t have to.” Penelope’s voice pulled me from wherever my mind was and threw me back into the room. Right, I never responded.

 

       “No, it’s alright. I can do it.” I responded coolly. The last thing I wanted was for her to start doubting my resolve.

 

       “Oh, well alright then.” Penelope responded with a bit of surprise. I guess she hadn’t expected me to accept her offer. Not like I blamed her, it was out of character for me, but this whole situation was out of character.

 

       She tapped the comm-link on her ear. “Rovloc! Bring the temporary translator in my cabin to the med-bay. It’s in my desk, top right drawer!” Oh Goddess. Out of all the people on this ship, why did she have to call Rovloc?

 

       “You got it boss! Be down in a jig!” Rovloc’s voice was so loud I could hear it from her comm-link. Wonderful, so he hasn’t fixed that. I instinctively pulled my comm link out and tweaked his volume setting. Thank you Penelope for having your hearing destroyed so I didn’t have to.

 

—————————————————————————————————

 

       Rovloc showed up five minutes later. I hated him, but, I had to give him credit, he was true to his word. He was fast, efficient, and always on time. I just wish he wasn’t easily distracted by money… or a pretty face… or alcohol, and I wish he was more quiet. Heavy emphasis on being quiet.

 

       His reptilian green skin glistened in the med-bay lights. His eyes were pointed, as usual. He was sporting his stock standard clothing, a blue jumper with some elastic pants. In his right hand, he held the translator. He held it up high like a trophy earned from battle. Goddess, I hated him. He was by far the worst Skulth I had ever known. Why’d he have to be so damn energetic?

 

       “Hello, hello! I got your translator, Captain - oh!” Rovloc turned to me, “Hello there, my favorite grumpy Routh.” Rovloc’s voice practically echoed off the walls. I was surprised the human was able to stay unconscious through it.

 

       I sighed, “Hello… Rovloc.” I forced a smile, but my mandibles betrayed me. They twitched with agitation. However, I tried my best to hide my disdain. My hatred of him was secondary to the more dire situation at hand. Not like he would notice my forced attempt at compliance anyway. It was a waste.

 

       Rovloc eagerly skipped over to Penelope. “I take it this is for the human icicle we found on the Dothrekar ship?” Rovloc asked, a stupid grin on his face. Of course it was! Why did he even feel the need to ask? Goddess, he was infuriating.

 

       “Yes. As it turns out, he doesn’t have one, which means that -” She looks around, ensuring no one else is listening in, “- he’s from before 2103.” Rovloc’s stupid face lights up and his eyes glimmer.

 

       “Wait, wait wait wait wait! You’re tellin’ me we got a walkin 'history exhibit on the ship?!” To say he was excited would be the understatement of the century. He was practically bouncing off the walls.

 

       Rovloc is a big history buff. It doesn’t matter if it’s my people’s history, his people’s, or humans. He knows it all. This was his dream come true. He gets to meet someone who’s from an era of time that he’s merely heard about from any human documentation that has survived this long. He’s mainly heard it second hand, so to be able to directly interact with, what is essentially, a walking time capsule is very exciting for him. However, he fails to account for one tiny detail. This human will be in a state of shock the moment he wakes up.

 

       “Yes, Rovloc.” I groaned, “However, I don’t recommend bombarding him with questions. We need to give him time to settle before you go flying off the handle at him.” My tone was stern. I wouldn’t have him be the reason this man went unconscious again.

 

       “Fine! I guess I can wait.” Rovloc shot me a devious smile of complacency as he threw his arms into the air. He understood what damages he could do, so he was only acquiescing for that reason. However, the moment he was able to, he would send a flurry of random historical questions to this poor man.

 

       “Actually,” Penelope piped up, “I think it’s best if we, oh god this might be dumb, if you ask him the questions once he’s awake, Gana.” Her words were hesitant, but her resolve was not.

 

       “Oh, well that’s… fine?” I responded. She had already told me that I needed to be in the room when he woke up, but having to be the one to ask questions felt like a strange choice. “It’s a strange decision, but as long as you’re here with me, then-”

       “I won’t be here, neither will Rovloc. I think you should do this on your own.” She didn't meet my gaze as she spoke, a slight note of resignation in her tone. 

 

       I froze, a look of sheer disbelief fell upon my face. “Wait, you aren’t being genuine, are you?” I was befuddled. Why was she tasking me with this? I’ve never once in the entire time since I started working on the Malikis showed that I am good with others. Sure, I could work with others on a mission and I’m damn good under pressure, but in no way was I qualified for this. This was a mistake.

 

       “I am, Gana.” Penelope stated, her calm voice conflicting with my exponentially rising concern. “I hate to say it, but maybe it’s best if we… throw him out of the pan and into the fire. By having only you interview him, he’s forced to address his reality more quickly than if another human was nearby.”

 

       I never thought I would say this, but Captain Penelope was just dead wrong. Nothing about this was a good idea. In fact, this might be the worst decision - no, picking Rovloc would be the worst. Still, that doesn’t detract from how absolutely asinine this choice was. 

 

       I didn’t even bother to hide the shock on my face. My eyes were wide with confusion and my mandibles twitched. Apparently, this was enough to make Rovloc laugh.

 

       “Man! You get to interview a living fossil! I would kill to be you right now!” Rovloc had a massive grin on his face and a glimmer in his eyes. Rovloc’s enthusiasm annoyed me. Then again, it always did. He was just too damn excitable. Get him wound up and he’d be bouncing off the walls with energy for hours. He was annoying in every sense of the word.

 

       I sighed in my chair, “Are we going to give him the translator or are we gonna keep talking about how he’s a ‘living fossil’?” The annoyance reverberated in every word I uttered, cascading out of me like a poison I’d been holding inside of me for far too long. Thankfully, that was enough, as Rolvoc acquiesced and handed the translator to Penelope.

 

       “You’re the boss! Well, actually, she’s the boss, but you know, you’re the - ah fuck it. You wouldn’t find it funny anyway.” Defeated, Rovloc walked out of the room with his head hanging low. Serves him right, the prick.

 

       Penelope arose from her chair and sauntered over towards the unconscious man. Gently, she attached the translator to his ear. She turned back to face me.

 

       “Alright, everything should be good. I’m gonna do inventory on the data we found as well as the items we retrieved from the raid on the Dothrekar’s ship.” She walked towards the door of the med-bay, turning on her heels to face me as she left. “Good luck, Gana.” With that, she exited the room, and left me there alone with him. Great.

       I sighed. This was going to either go really well or really poorly.

Chapter 7: Into The Fire

       My eyes stung from the bright white light as I awoke from my slumber. Man, that had been a crazy dream. The brothers, being frozen, the alien, all of it was wild. Thankfully, I was back in bed and I could go on about my day. However, all of that optimism shriveled up and died the moment I opened my eyes. I wasn’t at home. I was in… well what looked like some kinda hospital with a pretty dope painting on the walls. 

 

       “Okay, maybe I had an accident at work and I’m just in a really artsy hospital?” I thought to myself, but that made me more anxious. I didn’t have insurance and, if I really had gotten injured, then my whole family would be in serious debt. I started to panic, my breathing slowly getting out of control.

 

       “Ahem.” A gruff voice called out from the other side of the room. I turned to look at whoever made that sound and… oh god it’s that Turian lookin’ thing from my dream! Wait, how the hell is it here if it’s from my dream - oh, wait… that was real, wasn’t it? I wasn’t dreaming, that all really happened. The freezing, the aliens, all of it. Fuck. I wanted to scream. I wanted to run, but I was completely frozen in place.

       “Wha- I- what the hell?” I sputtered out. God, now whatever this thing was probably thought I was scared. I was, but I didn’t want this thing knowing that!

       It held up a hand to silence me, “Relax,” it responded, “I’m not here to hurt you. I’m just here to ask you some questions about-”

       “How the hell can I understand you?!” I blurted out. I couldn’t help it! Earlier, this thing was speaking gobbledegook, and now it was speaking English! Well, it’s mouth didn’t move with its words, but still! English! Holy shit!

       He sighed, “I was getting to that,” it huffed out in annoyance, “while you were asleep, we gave you a temporary translator. It’s on your left ear. It’s how I can understand you and you can understand me. You’ll have to get a permanent one at some point, but we don’t have any on board. Does that clear up any confusion?” I immediately felt my left ear. Holy cow, there was a piece of metal there! I almost went to mess with it, but my common sense got the better of me.

 

       “Yeah… yeah.” I muttered, “So, if you don’t mind me asking… god, what question do I even start with?” I had plenty of options, “what are you?”, “what’s your name?”, “where am I?”, or “did the Saints win the Superbowl?”. Point is, I had a lot of them. I racked my mind, desperately trying to pluck one of the many questions out of my brain and force it out into the world.

 

       “Okay… okay. So, my first question is, what is your name?” God damnit, Raymond. That was the least important one! You coulda gotten where you were, but no! You had to ask this thing its name!

 

       He looked at me with… confusion? I wanna say confusion, but I couldn’t read his face worth a damn. Those thingies on the side of his face moved outward and then inward. “My name is Gana, Gana Sor. You are?” His eyes met mine and my heart stopped. Why did it feel like every time he opened his mouth he was judging me? God, I must be acting so weird to him! Wait… why did I care?

 

       “Uh… Raymond Jay Cortez, but please call me Ray. I prefer it.” I said nervously. I was rubbing my hands together as if I was washing them clean of some metaphorical grim or dirt. In reality, I was just anxious. I mean, really damn anxious.

 

       “Alright, if it’s okay with you, I think I’ll be asking you some questions. There’s a lot we need to know about you.” His voice was calm now and his demeanor shifted. Once again, couldn’t tell what the hell it shifted too, but I was hoping it was matching his voice. On the topic of his voice, man, it was actually nice to listen to. It sounded like honey to my ears and it had depth to it. It wasn’t some half cocked shallow voice done by some insecure asshole at a bar to sound intimidating, it was as deep as the ocean. It was like listening to a song, maybe jazz.

 

       “Yeah, that works for me, Gana.” I said sheepishly, looking at the floor.

 

       “Wonderful. To begin, how old are you?” The question threw me right back to the brothers. It only felt like that had happened minutes ago. I hated it, this all felt clinical.

 

       “23. I was born September 2nd, 2001.” I threw that last bit in because it was the same thing I had said to the brothers. However, when I said it, Gana dropped his… tablet? It was some weird see-through holographic thing you’d see in a sci-fi movie, so I’m gonna call it a tablet until corrected.

 

       “Did- did you just say you were born in 2001?” The shock in Gana’s voice was unmistakable, and I could finally attach an emotion to the face he was making. I hated this. I hated how alien this all was to me, yet how it felt so familiar. I wanted to go home, back to where this all started. I wish I coulda made myself not take the job. I wish I had admitted I had quit and taken a beating from dad. At least then I would still have my mom. Now, I have nothing. I’m alone.

 

       “Yeah…” I croaked out. I was 155 years in the future. I was god knows where with an alien I barely knew and the reality that everything I had ever known was gone.

 

       “I-... I didn’t even think… how-” Gana kept tripping over his words every time he tried to talk. I didn’t blame him. I’m sure this was as shocking to him as it was to me. I honestly felt bad for the guy. Why wasn’t that human girl here with him? I feel like she could help a bit. Hell, maybe she could help both of us.

 

       Gana looked up at me, his eyes filled with shock. “How have you been in cryo that long? That technology wasn’t even possible in your time!” The sheer amount of disbelief in his voice almost leveled me.

 

       “Well,” I began, “there were these two brothers. Micah and Cooper Dahlonega. They were offering $100,000 for human volunteers to be put in cryo pods for one year. Guess they fucking overshot the number.” I grumbled out the last part. Fuck them, they’re the reasons I lost everything. I hope they got what they deserved.

 

       Gana’s deep blue eyes stared at me in shock. I guess he knew as little about this as I did. In a way, that was comforting. I wasn’t alone on something, and it made me feel just a little bit warm.

 

       “That should be impossible!” Gana blurted out.

 

       “Yeah, well I’m living proof that it’s not.” I sighed, leaning back against the bed. I hated this. Gana seemed to pick up on my frustration, and his gaze softened.

 

       “I- I’m sorry for reacting the way I did. I understand this situation must be… difficult for you.” His voice was gentle, delicate. As smooth as silk to contrast his natural gruffness. If he was lying, then he was one helluva actor.

 

       “Nah, you’re good. I just - I wish I was back home.” I chuckled. I never thought I would say that, but I also never thought I’d meet an alien, let alone that they were real.

 

       A gentle silence hung over the room, and I loathed it. I wanted him to ask me anything to break it. I didn’t care how uncomfortable the question was. I just needed something, anything to break the piercing silence.

 

       Gana leaned forward in his chair, “If I may ask, why do you sound like that?” He tilted his head at me.

 

       “Sound like what?” I responded, confusion apparent in my voice.

 

       “Well, you have a…” he seemed to be racking his brain for the word, “... an accent. I’ve met a lot of humans, but I’ve never heard an accent quite like yours before. What is it?” The question seemed to ease my nerves. It was a gentle distraction, and I welcomed it with open arms.

 

       Then it hit me, had he never heard a cajun accent? Musta never met anyone from down in Louisiana before. Huh, well that just means I get to explain Louisiana culture to an alien. Could be worse, I guess.

 

       “Well, my accent is regional, that means it’s pretty damn common in a specific geographical area. That area is Louisiana, which is my home state!” Despite the sorrow in my chest, I tried to say that last part with a hint of pride. I’d grown up an LSU and Saints fan, and I wasn’t boutta let 155 years ruin my pride in my state! However, I could tell from the look on his face that not a damn word I said made a lick of sense to him.

 

       “Oh, a state’s like, a regional body of government that occupies a given territory.” Thank you Mrs. Glass for making US history entertaining, otherwise I wouldn’t remember any of this. “There are 50 states that make up the United States of America, which is the country where I’m from. However, America has so many different accents across its states that it’s hard to keep up sometimes.”

 

       That seemed to clear it up. His face went from one of pure confusion to that of clarity. He rested his back against the chair. “Okay, I’ve read a bit of Earth’s history, so I know what the United States is. So, just to clarify, your accent is from the region of ‘Louis-siana’?” He butchered the pronunciation, but I didn’t have the heart to correct him. Plus, it was kinda funny hearing him say it like that.

 

       “Yup, it's a Cajun accent!” A gentle smile made its way across my face. It was a good sign that he was trying to learn about me, maybe that meant that, wherever I was, they were going to help me.

 

       Gana chuckled. “Alright, interesting. Well, I must say, your accent is certainly an interesting thing to listen to.” 

 

       I wasn’t sure whether to take that as an insult or a compliment, so I just said nothing. Even if it was, it didn’t matter. I’d heard worse from some big-city folks who used to come down to Louisiana for LSU games.

 

       “So,” Gana stands up from his chair and walks over to the bed next to mine, “tell me more about these brothers.” He sits down on the bed, as it slightly gives to his weight. He didn’t know who they were. That is a good sign. That means that the people that work… wherever I am don’t work for them, more than likely. That’s good, really good.

       “Well… I don’t know what else to say, really. They offered me a lot of money for a year in cryo stasis. They seemed nice, asked me a lot of questions about my height, weight, medical history, etc.” I paused. “I will say, the main one, Cooper, felt a bit… off. His smile didn’t seem right. I shoulda caught onto it, but I was desperate for money.”

       Gana looked at me curiously, “Why were you so desperate as to ignore a warning sign?”

 

       That was the main thing I was hoping he wouldn’t ask, because it meant I had to tell him, a complete stranger… and an alien one at that, about my family’s situation. It meant I would have to talk about my dad. I sighed, rubbing my thumb and pointer finger on the bridge of my nose. Well, might as well rip the bandaid off.

 

       “Because… because my family was poor. I’m not talking lower middle class, I mean lower class. We were in poverty,” I sat up in my bed, placing my hands on my knees, “and I had just quit my job at a construction company. I needed something, anything I could do to help my family.” Emotions started welling up inside of me. I tried to fight them back, but the single barrier that had kept it all back was slowly crumbling the more I talked. “I told my family about the offer and… and my dad was really upset. I tried to tell him it was okay, but he wouldn’t listen. He-” I choked back a sob. I couldn’t cry, not now. I can’t do this in front of a stranger. Not. Now. 

 

       I went to speak again, but the words were caught in my throat. No matter how hard I tried to force them out into the world, they just wouldn’t budge. My throat would just let out a garbled moan every time I tried. Fuck, I can’t hold it back. Just don’t look at Gana, pretend he’s not there. Pretend you aren’t crying to a stranger. Pretend you aren’t a man out of time who’s been thrusted into a world he can’t connect to or even recognize. Pretend your mom isn’t dead. Pretend your friends aren’t dead. Pretend none of this is real. Pretend you're back home, as broken as it was. Pretend you weren’t a coward. Pretend you were stronger. Pretend you stood up to dad and kept mom safe. But I won’t, will I? Because all of that was a lie. I was here, far in the future and far away from home. So, what will I do? I’ll just cry like I always do, because I’m fucking pathetic. I’m still that weak, scared child that took beatings from his daddy every day he got home from school. Some things may change, but that would always be true-

 

       I felt the warm touch of a hand on my shoulder. Through tear filled eyes, I looked up and met Gana’s deep blue eyes staring back at me. His face looked soft, and those gentle eyes were full of sympathy.

 

       “Hey, it’s okay. You don’t need to say anymore if it hurts. I understand.” Gana’s voice was reassuring. It was the one thing anchoring me in reality. Without it, I would have drowned in the ocean of sorrow, and anxiety would be the one making it all happen. It would have dragged me down, kicking in screaming into that deep murky water, and my mind would have broken to the onslaught of self hatred. But Gana pulled me back.

 

       I was sobbing uncontrollably. I buried my face in my hands, and the weight of everything fell on me all at once. I heard Gana move from his bed to mine, placing himself on my left. He kept his hand on my shoulder, a gentle touch that let me know it was okay to cry.

 

       Just like that, my mind shut up. The storm that had brewed inside of me died on the wind, and all that was left were clear skies. Everything was still. My sobs continued, but my turmoil did not. I felt safe next to him, a kind alien stranger who barely knew me. Ain’t that the craziest thing?

Chapter 8: Space Cowboy

       I don’t know why I felt compelled to provide Ray comfort. In fact, my body was screaming at me to do the opposite. He was just a stranger from a time long since passed. He was a walking science exhibit, nothing more. Yet, when I saw his eyes water, his lip quiver, and his body shake I felt the urge to pull him close. I felt an innate desire to keep him safe, and I couldn't begin to fathom why. I fought against the urge, merely placing my hand firmly upon his shoulder. It didn’t make any sense. I was cold, calculated, and, more often than not, deadly. I was far from resembling any form of kindness, yet, when Ray broke down, something within me compelled me to help him. It was a truly bizarre feeling, and I needed to make a mental note to investigate it further.

 

       That reminds me, I need to look at the results from the psychological evaluation once I’m alone. Ray didn’t seem to be the most stable individual. Not that I could particularly blame him. I could only imagine the hell going on inside of him, ripping through his being and seeking to burn all that he is to the ground.

 

       Speaking of, he had calmed down over the past hour, but we were now sitting in silence. I saw him fidgeting with his hands, gently rocking back and forth on the bed. His eyes were cautious, gently scanning every corner of the room. He looked like a cornered animal, scared and afraid.

 

       Ridiculous. He had nothing to be afraid of. Everyone on this ship was more than kind. If anything, the only person with a reputation for being rude was myself, yet I had still been kind to him.

 

       “Uh…” Ray piped up, his voice breaking the comfortable silence, “if I can ask, where am I? I feel like I kinda skipped that question.” He wasn’t making eye contact with me. I’m not sure if he genuinely was scared of me, or if he was scared that seeing my face again would force him to deal with reality. Then again, it looked like his inner turmoil was doing that enough as is.

 

       I went to answer him gently. Maybe, if I could break it gently to him, he wouldn’t be shell shocked by the notion that he was in space. However, before I could begin to move my mandibles, a gentle beep chimed in the med-bay.

 

       “You’re on the Malikis, a privately owned mercenary ship that operates in federation territory, but not for the federation.” The on board AI chimed in over the med-bay intercom. Great, guess we’re not pulling our punches on this. This was gonna make my job harder, and, by extension, more annoying.

 

       I looked away from the intercom and back at Ray. He looked noticeably alarmed, rapidly looking around the room.

 

       “The hell said that?!” His voice was panicked, and I could see his eyes dart around the room.

 

       Is he looking for the source of the sound? Unlikely, it was easy to pinpoint. Perhaps he is looking for a weapon? Also unlikely, he would have done that earlier when he saw me if that was the case. Then what could it be? I searched my brain until I practically tripped over the solution. Anxiety.

 

       “That’s the ship’s AI. It helps with navigation, medical procedures, inventory, and data sorting.” My voice was as calm as I could make it. The last thing I needed was for Ray to have an anxiety attack. That would complicate things, and my brain was already busy being confused with my own actions.

 

       Ray closed his eyes and gripped the sheets tightly, forcing himself to take deep, slow breaths. I’ll give Ray this, he was handling this whole situation far better than I had anticipated.

 

       After a few minutes, he gently opened his eyes and his gaze found mine. Those gentle hazel - no. Not gentle, eyes can’t be gentle.

 

       “Okay. Alrighty then,” his voice regained some semblance of composure, “so I’m in space then. Right?”

 

       I was taken aback by how well he had come to terms with that fact. Had he seen space before? Unlikely, space exploration by humans was not fairly common in his time. Perhaps he simply had a fascination with space?

 

       “Yes, yes you are.” It was hard to deliver that calmly, but I had to. I wouldn’t risk this man’s mental state faltering because of a misplaced emphasis or sound. I needed to be as delicate as possible, even if that went against my normal behavior.

 

       Ray’s eyes went wide. A look of surprise spread across his face like a waterfall. His eyes went bright with wonder.

 

       “I-I’m in fuckin space! Oh lord!” For the first time, a genuine smile crept across his face, breaking through the sorrow that had previously made residence. It suited him well, complimenting his freckles and rosy cheeks.

 

       I didn’t want to talk to him, to indulge his wonder. My mind was screaming at me not to respond, to keep him distant at all times. Then he’d walk away and leave me be. I’d have my solitude, and he’d probably make acquaintances with the rest of the crew before we decide what to do with him. It would’ve been so easy, but I felt compelled to talk to him. That fought against the rational side of me, and it won.

 

       “You know, if you want, I could slide the wall panel back and you could gaze at it for yourself.” The words left my mouth against my will, but a part of me was okay with that.

 

       “Uh, hell yeah! Show me some space, big man!” His voice was jovial as he stood up from his bed, making his way towards the wall.

 

       ‘Big man’? Interesting choice for a nickname, and very accurate. I was quite large in comparison to him. In feet, I stood around 7’3”, while he stood, according to the scans, at 5'7”. To me, he was small, so him calling me big made sense. Understandable, even.

 

       I pressed a nearby panel and the wall gently folded back into a side compartment, revealing that beautiful purple, black, and blue void I had spent most of my life traversing. The clean glass went from the base of the floor to a little bit over my head, and it gave Ray a good view of all those beautiful stars that sparkled off in the distance. I glanced over at him, and saw his face pressed up against the glass. It was… humorous. Then again, it made sense. I had seen this for most of my life, but this was his first time in space. I’m sure it was wondrous for him.

 

       “Holy. Shit.” He spoke breathlessly. It looked like he wanted to say more, but the words were caught in his throat. I could tell there was a fire behind his eyes, a fire that roared from newfound kindling. A smile creeped across my face.

       I didn’t dare utter a word. To do so would take this moment away from him, cut it short. The only person that should end this moment is Ray. After all, it was his. However, it didn’t take long for him to pipe up.

 

       “I’m a goddamn space cowboy!” He threw his hands in the air as he pulled his face away from the glass. His voice was filled with excitement.

 

       I tilt my head inquisitively. What is a ‘cow boy’? I had heard of cows before. They’re a native animal to Earth, but why did he call himself one? Yes, he was male, but he was most certainly not a cow. That would just be ridiculous. I needed to inquire about this further.

 

       “Why do you call yourself a cow? You are a human male.” I said matter of factly.

 

       Ray looked at me with confusion, before his cheeks suddenly puffed up. They were slowly turning bright red, and I could tell it was starting to hurt. I knew that look from my time around Captain Penelope. Ray was trying to hold in a laugh.

 

       I sighed. “Go on, laugh. I’m sure it was-” I couldn’t even finish before Ray started cackling. His laughter bounced off of the walls of the med-bay, spreading to every corner of the room. It was… not an unpleasant sound. I wouldn’t go out of my way to hear it, but the way his accent melded with it was tolerable.

 

       “You- oh- sweet Jesus! Lord - I’m -” Ray couldn’t finish a sentence. His rampant cackling drowned out any attempt at coherent speech. Surely whatever I had said wasn’t that funny. It couldn’t have been.

 

       Ray keeled over, holding his sides. His face was bright red as his laughter continued. Okay, now it is getting annoying.

 

       “Calm yourself!” I ordered, a deep growl emanating from my throat. My mandibles twitched in agitation. Goddess, I should have kept my mouth shut about showing him space. It would have spared me of this mockery. He was laughing at my understandable lack of knowledge. Why should I know obscure terms that only he and his out-of-date knowledge held?

 

       Ray was undeterred, his laughter continuing despite my best efforts. “Just- just a second! Give me a minute!” I waited for him to stop, and, slowly but surely, he did. He started by controlling his breathing, and gently taking sharp inhales. When all was said and done, he sait upright once more.

 

       “Okay, okay okay okay. So, uhm, cowboys-” he started to snicker, but managed to hold it back, “-are like, things of legend. Back in the wild west, there were these outlaws, right? So, these people called cowboys would hunt ‘em down and bring ‘em to the sheriffs!” He said with bravado and a bit of a puff to his chest.

 

       That couldn’t be right. At least, it didn’t sound like it was. I may not know what a cowboy is, but I certainly know that it couldn’t be that. I needed to ask Penelope or, if I had no other option, Rovloc for more information.

 

       "Right, okay. Any other tidbits of old fossilized information you need to give me so I don’t make a mockery of myself?” Sarcasm poisoned every word that left my mouth. I was thoroughly annoyed and tired of Ray. His mysterious pull over me had gone by and I was ready to be rid of him. If the Goddess favored me, I would never have to interact with him again.

 

       Ray, unfortunately, didn’t seem to pick up on my annoyance. He placed a hand on his hip and the other to his chin, seemingly in genuine contemplation. After a while, he seemed to finally land on something, as he turned to me with a bright smile on his face.

 

       “How much do you know about college football?”

Notes:

Thanks to my good buddy on tumblr for drawing Ray and Gana! You should follow them... this is not a request.

Link to their tumblr: https://www.tumblr.com/center-for-drawing-control/769852736947814400/thank-you-bestie?source=share

Chapter 9: Something So Ultimately Useless

       To say that all of the information that Ray was giving me was going over my head would be the understatement of the century. Not a thing, and I mean not one single thing, made any sort of sense. Ray started by talking about something called the ‘Auburn kick six’ in a game called the ‘iron bowl’. When I inquired about why it was called that, Ray said that he didn’t know. I swear, humans and their naming conventions make no sense to me. Then, he went on about a game between LSU and Texas A&M that ended with LSU losing 74-72. Ray seemed to be a fan of LSU, because everytime he spoke about the Texas A&M ‘aggies’ he spoke with vitriol. He spent more time complaining about how much he hated Texas A&M than he did talking about ‘football’. He paced around the room as he talked, as if he wanted his feet to have touched every single inch of the floor. When he was finally done, he took in a sharp inhale and placed his hands on his hips, a proud look gleaming across his face.

 

       “Alrighty, that’s everything! Any questions?” His cheerful voice beamed around the room.

 

       Several. I had several, but none of them felt useful. “Why is it called football if they primarily use their hands?”, “How does the game work?”, or “Did Ray play it?”. Questions like these would only prolong this conversation, and I wanted nothing more than for it to end. However, despite my innate desire to leave, my body seemed to have a will of its own. My mouth opened and the word left my lips before I could stop it.

 

       “Why?” My mandibles fluttered as I relaxed my body against the wall. The question was involuntary, but I still wanted an answer.

 

       Ray tilted his head inquisitively, “‘Why’? Why what?” He stopped pacing and moved to the bed in front of me, gently planting himself on its edge. He looked up at me with those… hazel eyes. Whatever sarcastic snarky remark I had planned was drained out of me the moment I peered into the depths of those gentle, oak, coffee colored eyes. They were fascinating. I had seen hazel eyes before, but Ray’s were special-

 

       No! No, Gana! What is wrong with me?! Get a grip and focus!

 

       “It’s… nothing. Never mind,” I turned my head to look at the window, trying to lose myself in the mystic purple of space. I couldn’t look at him, not right now. Surely, he had some ability that allowed him to influence those around him! That’s the only logical explanation as to why I’m acting like this! Nothing else could possibly explain my odd behavior! If that was the case, then I would be alright as long as I looked away from him. However, as if he somehow sensed my desire for peace, Ray stood up and intentionally walked into my line of sight. He was boasting a devious smile that complimented his star-like freckles - DAMNIT!

 

       “Nahhhh, I ain’t buyin’ that! C’mon! Tell me!” Ray was practically whining, mixing with his accent in a way that annoyed me. Goddess, humans never did know when to leave good and well alone, and it seemed that Ray was no exception.

 

       I sighed. I knew he wasn’t gonna stop until I said it, so I may as well get it over with.

 

       “Why do you know so much about something so ultimately useless?” My tone was sharp. I lowered my gaze to meet his, my mandibles fluttering in a manner that indicated my defensiveness. Although, I doubt Ray could tell.

 

       I thought my intimidating tone would scare him off from the subject. I figured that it would get him to be quiet so I could finally take him to meet the Captain and… Rovloc. However, to my surprise, he just chuckled.

 

       “Because I like it? What kinda question is that?” Ray scoffed at me as he spoke. Was he mocking me? He stood firmly in the middle of the room, keeping his gaze on mine. I had to hand it to him, he had more guts than most humans I’d met.

 

       “Because the thing you like requires no intelligence. It’s just a show of pure physical strength. No tactics or planning required.” I couldn’t help but let a small smile fall across my face as I spoke. Ray may be annoying, but he was braver than I gave him credit for. Most humans I had met flinched the moment I changed my tone by an octave, but Ray was, thankfully, different. That would make it easier to deal with him for the time being.

 

       “Wrong! The entirety of football revolves around tactics! Changin' a play on the fly with an audible, usin' trick plays, or knowin' whether to run or throw the ball on an RPO! All of that is tactics!” Ray boomed over at me, crossing his arms in a way that said ‘Hah! I win!’. Cocky bastard.

 

       “Okay, okay!” I finally relented, “Fine, you’re right and I’m wrong. Happy?” I was done with this ultimately pointless conversation. We had other places to be and I still had to go over the results of his psychological evaluation. The sooner this ended, the better.

 

       Ray got a shit eating grin on his face, “Yup! Sounds perfect to me!” His cheerful voice mocked me, pulling any desire to continue this conversation that I had left in my body, which was near zero, out.

 

       I pushed myself off of the wall and started walking towards the med-bay doors. I didn’t utter a word to Ray as I opened it and started making my way down the hall. A part of me hoped Ray stayed in the med-bay so he would be someone else’s problem, but that small amount of hope died as I heard him turn tail and run after me.

 

       “Hey!” His voice called out after me, “Did I say somethin' wrong?” He quickly caught up to me, and he started to walk once he was by my side. I didn’t dare look at him.

 

       “Nope,” that was a blatant lie, “I just need to introduce you to the rest of the crew. I’m sure you’ll be okay, considering how well you handled seeing me for the first time.” Goddess, I loved being sarcastic above all else. I could hear a sharp inhale from Ray as we made our way down the metal corridor. This should be fun.

Chapter 10: The Future’s Gonna Future

       A part of me regretted leaving the med-bay to follow Gana. The moment I left it I felt the sudden absence of whatever comfort that room had tried to provide. I was no longer presented with a beautiful painting on the wall, or the gentle beeps of machinery. Instead, I was walking down a cold, almost corporate white metal hallway with lights that emanated a faint blue glow. Man, this sucked. This sucked so hard, but I couldn’t turn back now. This was my new reality, and hiding away wouldn’t do anything to protect me. I had to face it head on, or at least that was what I kept telling myself. I mean, realistically, what choice did I have? Just drop dead? Yeah, not that tempting.

 

       I noticed that Gana had slowed himself to match my pace, which I internally thanked him for. He was fuckin’ huge and probably could have just taken off and left me here alone, but he didn’t. He allowed me to walk alongside him down this creepy ass fuck ass hallway. Maybe he wasn’t as cold as I thought he was, or maybe I was just reading too much into this. Not like it mattered, since I could see the end of the hallway up ahead.

 

       “We’re nearly there,” Gana said with a painfully neutral tone. For the first time since we had left the med-bay, he shifted his gaze to me. It was only for a second, but it let me see those deep blue eyes again. I never really got to take stock of them before I fainted. They were blue like I’d never seen blue. They were almost… majestic, in a weird way. They were cold, but I could tell that buried behind them, ever so faintly, there was a small warmth. Maybe I could see that more if we became friends? Who knows? I sure didn’t, and not knowing terrified me.

 

       “Oh, okay.” I tried to hide how nervous I was, but my voice cracked right before finishing the sentence. Great, fuckin-a wonderful!

 

       “Do you have, like, any advice for me?” I asked Gana moments before we entered whatever room this hallway led to. I needed something, even if it was the smallest tidbit of information. I was about to dive head first into the ocean and I needed something to keep me afloat.

 

       Gana chuckled as we reached the opening, “Rovloc’s energetic, try not to let him overwhelm you.” Well… I did say that I needed something, and I guess that counts. Even if it was the most vague information in the universe, it was something. Although, it left me with more questions than answers. Who is Rovloc? What kinda energetic is he? Is he some horrible monstrosity that only my deepest darkest nightmares could possibly conjure up? Who knows? But I had a feeling I was about to find out, and that didn’t provide me with much comfort.

 

       Stepping into the room was a baffling experience. Based on the massive windows on the far side of the room, and the abundance of panels and buttons, I gathered that this room was the bridge. I glanced over the many monitors and dials that littered the center console as I subconsciously stepped towards the far window. The vastness of space called to me again, just like it did in the med-bay. The swirls of purple and blue in that infinite black void sung to me a symphony unheard to the ears but felt in the soul. It demanded my attention, and I was helpless to it. I was captivated by its sheer unimaginable beauty. However, before I could take another step, I felt Gana place his hand on my arm. He nudged me away from the window and gently pulled me towards the far corner of the room. I was a bit mad. He interrupted my star gazing, but what could I do? He’s over a foot taller than me, and, while I am strong, I had a sinking feeling that he was far stronger than me. I sighed, and begrudgingly went with him.

 

       In the corner of the room stood two people, one of which I recognized as the woman who opened my pod. The other was… a lizard person? He had green reptilian skin and these pointed black eyes that looked like they could stare a hole through me. He was wearing this blue jumper and… pants that I genuinely couldn’t place. That looked like some kinda futuristic version of elastic pants, which is just blasphemous. Elastic pants were already perfect, so the thought of trying to tweak perfection just felt like a greater sin. Oh well, the future’s gonna future… I guess. Wait, he’s a lizard person. Why am I so calm about this? Should I start panicking to make up for my lack of panicking? No, that’s stupid. Just… go with the flow? Yeah, sure, fuck it. Not like I got much of a choice anyway.

 

       Gana’s grip on my arm slowly loosened the closer we got to the two figures. I guess he trusted me enough not to run. Sound logic, because there was no way in hell I could outrun him. Just one glance at him told him that.

 

       Gana cleared his throat, “Captain. Sorry to interrupt, but the human male is awake.” His voice sounded incredibly professional, which kinda reminded me of when he first started interviewing me. Then again, he sounded more annoyed than professional back then, so what do I know? I gave a sheepish little wave to the two people, a nervous smile fell upon my face. How the hell was I supposed to act casual about this?

 

       Gana continued, “His name is Raymond Jay Cortez, but he prefers to go by Ray. He was born in Lafayette ‘Louis-ana’, and-” Before he could continue, the lady waved her hand to cut him off. She had a warm smile on her face as she took a step towards me.

 

       “As much as I’d like to hear this, I have a feeling that he’s in need of a…” she seemed to be searching for a word, “... break. He’s been through a lot of stress and the last thing we need to do is talk about him like he’s not here.” She extended her hand towards me, “Name’s Penelope, and I’m the captain of the Malikis. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ray.” Her voice was soft and caring, which eased a lot of the stress that I didn’t even know I was holding. It felt like I could finally breathe clearly.

 

       I gingerly shook her hand, “Nice to meet ya, Captain!” I forced a smile. This whole thing still felt surreal to me. I mean, god, I was some broke guy from Louisiana working odd jobs my whole life! Now, what, I’m on a spaceship 155 years in the future with two aliens?! This situation was giving me serious whiplash. Maybe I shoulda read some young adult sci-fi novels to help me prepare for this… actually, no. Terrible idea. The books probably woulda been smut, so that wouldn’t help.

 

       Throughout this, I couldn’t help but shoot glances at the reptilian figure next to captain Penelope. He… she… whatever it was, it was about my height, which didn’t help because that meant that every time I looked over I would meet its gaze, forcing me to quickly look away. I could feel it staring at me, and that little factoid made me feel a bit uneasy. I tried to get a beat on it, like how it was feeling. However, just like Gana, I got zilch. Man, the first thing I gotta do in this new life of mine is figure out how to read new alien body language.

 

       The moment my hand left the captain’s, it reached out and grabbed it, shaking it with eager enthusiasm. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have the tiniest bit of a heart attack when it’s cold scalie hand met mine. It was so uncomfortable that I had to try and force my brain to shut out all other sensory input in a vain attempt at removing the feeling.

 

       “Hi there! So nice to meet you! Name’s Rovloc!” It’s - Rovloc’s voice was fast and filled with energy. I could tell that he had been holding this in for a while, if his rapidly shaking my hand hadn’t been an indication of that already. His voice was a bit harsh on the ears, and was… choppy? It sounded like you had put someone’s voice through some distortion filter.

 

       “So,” he continued, “I have questions! So many questions! Why did you guys make ‘Star Wars’ before you had contact with aliens? Why was religious extremism common for a large portion of your history, and did you experience it? What was it like to experience the height of the film industry? What-” He was going so fast that I could hardly keep up. The moment I thought I could answer his question, he hit me with another. It felt like I was getting repeatedly beaten by a sledgehammer. I desperately looked at Gana, and I hated that I did. Because, of course, the one time I could understand his facial expression it was the look of ‘I tried to warn you’. His mandibles twitched at the sight of my misery. 

 

       I looked back at Rovloc, who had not stopped talking in the few seconds I had looked away. I sighed, before raising a hand to try and get him to stop. He didn’t. Instead, he kept going even faster, so much so that whatever translator I was using had difficulty processing what he was saying.

 

       “Okay,” I blurted out, causing Rovloc to fall silent, “one question at a time! I can only handle so much.” Rovloc’s eyes shot open with realization. I guess he finally realized that he was overstimulating me.

 

       “O-oh! Sorry, I got ahead of myself. Pardon me. I’ll slow down.” He chuckled awkwardly, composing himself. He cleared his throat while placing a hand to his chin. His gaze moved to the floor while a contemplative look dawned on his face. I guess he needed to choose his questions more carefully if he was gonna go slower. Couldn’t just fire that shit off willy nilly anymore.

 

       “Alright, okay, so, first of all, where - nah, that doesn’t make sense - when are ya from? I need to know so I know what questions to ask.” His gaze rose to meet mine, a pleasant smile on his lips. His smile looked closer to how a human smile. Seeing that just made me realize I had never seen Gana smile. Could he smile? Maybe he had but in a way only his species could. I needed to ask him at some point.

 

       “Well, I was born in 2001 and went under in the latter half of 2024.” I said it bluntly. There was no point in having a breakdown or show over it right now. I had cried earlier and that was all I needed. I had to push the rest down for right now. I needed to keep a clear head.

 

       Rovloc had an initial look of shock on his face, as well as captain Penelope. However, that look quickly disappeared from Rovloc’s face as he launched himself into questions.

 

       “Alright, so, I gotta ask, because documentation from that time was particularly terrible, did humans really have a race to see who could discover the most elements?” Uhhhhh, yeah I know jack and shit about that. We probably did, maybe, but I had zero clue. I wasn’t… how do people say it? Textbook smart? Yeah, that, so everything that Rovloc just asked me went through one ear and out the other.

 

       “Uhhhh… you’re talkin’ to the wrong person about that. I wasn’t really into all that sciency stuff, so I wouldn’t know.” I said sheepishly. I had to admit, if that did happen, my lack of knowledge on it probably didn’t reflect well on me. I mean, I didn’t exactly have time to learn about it, but that still didn’t curb my embarrassment.

 

       Rovloc nodded, “Hmmm, and why’s that? If it did occur, then it’s a significant event in your people’s history. Surely, you must -” His statement was abruptly cut short.

 

       “That’s enough, Rovloc. Ray says he doesn’t know, so that’s that.” Gana interjected, his voice harsh and degrading. I turned to look at him and saw what I assumed to be anger in his eyes. He was staring daggers at Rovloc. He didn’t need to yell at him. Rovloc hadn't necessarily done anything wrong, but I still internally thanked him for it.

 

       “Oh, pardon me Gana for asking questions! He’s a walking piece of history! If I could just-”

       “No. That’s the end of it. He just woke up not too long ago. Ask him whatever random historical tidbits you want tomorrow.” Gana placed his hands on my shoulders. His grip was firm, but not painful. God, I could tell he was strong by his touch. He could probably throw me across the room if he wanted to. I’m just thankful he isn’t, cause there ain’t much I could do if he wanted to.

 

       Rovloc took a step back, “Okay okay! Jeez, buzzkill.” He rolled his eyes before walking to a nearby console and fidgeting with some of the dials and levers.

       Captain Penelope sighed, “... well, this is a great introduction. Sorry, Ray.” Her voice was sincere, but it was kinda hard to focus with Gana’s hands still firmly planted on shoulders. His nice, warm, strong grip seemed to soothe me, whether that was intentional or not. It took me a second to register what she had said.

       “Y’all good! I’ve seen worse, trust me. It’s all good.” It wasn’t a lie, I’d lived with my father, aka the inventor of shitty introductions, so I had seen worse. This whole situation ain’t shit.

 

       Captain Penelope’s eyes, for just a brief moment, flashed a look of concern my way. Her brow furrowed as her lips curled into a bit of a frown. However, this was fleeting, as she quickly jumped back into some semi-professional tone. “Well, I know this whole situation is not ideal for you, but you might need to stay here for a while. We need to wait for the Federation Council - oh, that’s the government of… well everything - to process the information we got from the Dothrekar’s ship. You know, the one we found you on.”

       I did not know. What the fuck was a ‘Doth-reeker’? Why was I on that ship? Why did they have me? I hate not knowing. I hate it so goddamn much. I could feel my breathing start to become more erratic. Fuck, was I gonna have another panic attack? Am I really that-

 

       “Easy, Ray,” Gana’s voice practically purred in my ear, “it’s okay. You’re safe. Breathe gently, wandering soul.” His voice was heavenly in my ears and I could feel his hot breath on the back of my neck. It sent shivers down my spine, which snapped me out of whatever anxiety I had. The last part of that caught my attention though. ‘Wandering soul’? Okay, so I need to ask Gana if he can smile and why he called me a wandering soul. Got it. Cool.

 

       I took a sharp inhale and tried to relax my breathing. “O-okay, for future reference, assume I know nothin’ about my situation. I don’t know what a damn ‘Dothreeker’ is.” My voice was shaken, and my legs were just the slightest bit wobbly.

 

“Dothrekar, and I’ll remember.” Captain Penelope piped up. I didn’t meet her gaze, my eyes were glued to the floor and the only sensory input I had was Gana’s still ever present grip on my shoulders. “Gana, you can let go of him. You don’t need to-”

 

       “No.” I practically blurted out, shooting my eyes from the floor to her face. She looked shocked. “I mean, it’s okay. I don’t mind.” She seemed confused for a moment, before shifting her eyes from me to Gana and then back to me.

       “Okay then… uhm. First order of business,” her voice shifted with the change of topic, “we need to figure out where you’re staying on the ship. We don’t have an available room, so you’ll have to stay with someone. Now,” she waved her hand in my general direction, “since you’re from 155 years ago, I would understand if you’d pick another human to stay with.” Her eyes glanced down to one of those futuristic tablet thingies. It was semi-see through and it had this light orange hue that surrounded it. It was very pretty, well, at least to me. Then again, I had a feeling all of this new technology would either be very pretty or cool to me. After all, this was all such a drastic difference in comparison to what I had grown accustomed to.

 

       “The other human men on board are named Steve, Jackson, and Samual. If you want to room with one of them, I’m happy to introduce you.” At the mention of this, Gana finally relinquished his grip on my shoulders and took a step back. I never thought I’d miss that, but I did. His warm touch seemed to provide me with a gentle reassurance that I didn’t think I needed. Wait, why do I care so much? Goddamnit, pay attention!

 

       Okay, so three options. Luck of the draw… got it. Just gotta, you know, say the name of one! Easy. So easy. Just say a name. Any name. Literally one of the three. Just say one of the three human men. Done deal. Hole in one. Strike. Easy as pie-

 

       “Gana.” GOD FUCKING-

 

       Penelope’s eyebrows raised in surprise, “Are you sure?”

 

       “Yeah, I’ve spent the most time with him, so it’d be the easiest… I think.” I turned to look at Gana, and that look on his face was glorious. Shock. Pure, unfiltered, shock. I would be lying if I said I wasn’t shocked at myself, but I had already made my decision. I just hope it didn’t rattle him all that much.

Chapter 11: All That He Will Be

Notes:

The art in this chapter is done by my good friend @garodetective on tumblr! You should go follow them... this is not a request :)

       I was at a loss for words. No, actually, that’s not the proper way to put how I was feeling. Because, in reality, I was suffering from the polar opposite problem. I had so many words that had, all at once, been thrust into the forefront of my mind. Whatever quiet peace I had immediately drained from every ounce of my being as thousands upon millions of different words and phrases rattled through my brain faster than the speed of light. However, among the whirlwind of words that cascaded through my mind, one set of them repeated far louder than the others. Why?

 

       Ray was looking at me, but I refused to meet his gaze, lest I fall under his pull again. Instead, I looked toward captain Penelope, who shared my shocked expression. It didn’t make sense! None of this made sense! It was so far removed from logic that I struggled to comprehend it. I went to speak, a firm need to protest his decision rose in the back of my throat, but captain Penelope shot me a look. I hated that I understood it. Her eyes furrowed and her lips pursed to form a half frown, and it told me all I needed to know. Ray had chosen my quarters, and, if that was what he truly desired, then I was in no position to fight it. However, I couldn’t just stand here and let this clear logical misstep play out! I needed to speak. Begrudgingly, I turned down to look at Ray, and I saw him tremble slightly as my eyes met his. My mandibles twitched in agitation. I wanted to tell him how idiotic his decision was, how short sighted it was from conception to utterance, but that wasn’t what left my mouth.

 

       “I… you’re sure?” The words were forced out of my throat before my brain could stop them. Goddess, why was I unable to speak my mind in his presence? Ray took a deep breath before responding.

 

       “… I said what I said.” His voice had a newfound confidence, as if he had given his decision another look and had reaffirmed its validity. Ray averted his gaze from mine, looking out the far window towards the vast emptiness of space. He crossed his arms over his chest and a steady sigh escaped him.

 

       Rovloc chimed in, because of course he had to. That nosy bastard. “Well, looks like you got a roommate! Hope it’s-“

 

       “Rovloc, please. Not now.” Captain Penelope turned to look at him. I couldn’t see her face, but, by the harsh tone of her voice, I knew what she was doing. I would be lying if I said that It didn’t make me just the smallest bit happy to see Rovloc put in his place. He slinked back to his console, sporting a frown as he looked back at a nearby terminal.

 

       “Well, if that’s your decision Ray, then we’d do good to honor it.” She had a more sing-songy voice as she spoke to him. “Gana will escort you to his quarters, and I’m sure the two of you can make the arrangement work.” She smiled at us, before walking over towards a nearby console to examine some data. I sighed, this whole situation was bizarre. Not one thing being conducted was logical. Well, bar from Rovloc being disciplined, that would always be the most logical decision in any given interaction. Still, Ray choosing my quarters and Penelope allowing it just felt… incorrect. However, not wanting to deny the order, I took a step back. Trying to ignore the logistical imperfections of the situation, I glanced over my shoulder at him and motioned for him to follow.

 

       “Come,” I kept my voice neutral as I beckoned him, “it’s not too far.” Ray gave me a… what did humans call it? A singular over? No, no that’s definitely not it. Come on, Gana. He gave me a… once over! There we go! Ray gave me a once over, his eyes scanning up and down my figure. I’m unsure if he was looking to see if I was lying, or continually reaffirming that I was trustworthy. It didn’t make a difference, but curiosity can’t be fought. Ray slowly nodded, a semi-hesitant expression on his face. Not sure why he’s hesitant now, since he requested this.

 

       My feet fell heavily upon the metal floor as I made my way off the bridge. I tried to keep in mind that Ray’s natural pace was slower than mine, so I should compensate to make sure he doesn’t have to run to keep up. I didn’t have to, I could have left him far behind me, but I allowed him to follow at a comfortable pace. Goddess, this wasn’t like me at all! Since when have I been conscious of others beyond a firefight? I was cold to people I had known for years, so why is it that I feel compelled - or rather, obligated - to be mindful of him? If anything, I should be harsh towards him! He was making my life harder, and his deciding upon my quarters only reinforced that. I should be furious, filled with resentment towards him, but I wasn’t. Something about his nervous demeanor just made me… weak. I wanted to do whatever I could to ensure his comfort was maintained. Hell, I did it earlier when Rovloc started to ask Ray questions. I shouldn’t have, but I did because a part of me burned when I saw Ray’s nervous fidgeting. That part burned even brighter when I saw his breathing become more erratic, his hands trembling as his legs looked like they would give. I took a cautious glance to my left, seeing Ray by my side.

 

       “… sorry.” He spoke so quietly, as if his voice would offend me. He fidgeted with his hands, looking towards the passing wall. His eyes were glued to it, despite it not having any features of note. I tilted my head quizzically.

 

       “You’re sorry? For what?” My voice was a deep rumble. Ray saying that was unexpected.

 

       “Yeah,” his voice was soft, “I know this… whole thing is probably… I don’t know.” He briefly met my gaze before glancing down at his feet. He started to scratch at his neck, and kept doing so despite whatever itch he must have had there being long since satiated. My heart hurt for him. Why did my brain even try to fight against my body’s urge to help him? Why had my mind been plagued by confusion when I tried to comfort him? Sure, it was out of character for me, but maybe that was what Ray needed. He was… broken. I could see it in his eyes. Sure, he’d made a joke or two and acted jovial for a brief moment in the med-bay, but I could see the hurt behind those eyes. The eyes of the broken, the eyes of a wandering soul lost to the cosmos. By the Goddess, I would ensure he remained adrift no longer. I must forgo who I am, for he is in need of someone greater than I. He needs someone to be there for him… he needs a friend.

 

       “Ray,” I stopped my walk and looked towards him, placing a gentle hand on his shoulder, “don’t apologize for choosing me. It is an honor.” I smiled at him, my mandibles flexing to mirror my sign of good will. His eyes found mine once more, those gentle hazel beauties that contained everything that he was and all that he will be. A smile crept across his face, and I could see him relax his shoulders.

 

       “... thank you, Gana. Really, it means a lot.” I could feel the warmth in his words. He trusted me, and it showed. I wouldn’t take that for granted. I let go of his shoulder and stood up straight. Thankfully, he didn’t flinch once I returned to my natural height, which was good. I was unsure how he was so comfortable with me since I towered over him, but I suppose he didn’t care.

 

       “Good,” I resumed my walking, “now, let’s keep going. My room is up ahead.” I raised my talon and pointed down the hall to the third door on the left. Ray glanced between me and the door, before slowly nodding. He followed me as I made my way towards it. As we walked, I noticed that the air around Ray felt lighter, unburdened. A grand weight had just been taken off of his shoulders, and I was happy that I contributed to it.

 

       I placed my hand upon the DNA scanner, awaiting its pleasant chirp of approval. Ray looked at me quizzically. 

 

       “The hell’s that thing do?” He tilted his head to one side. As he finished his statement, the panel chirped and the door gently swung open.

 

       “It’s a DNA scanner,” I said as I took a step inside of my quarters, “it means that only I have access to my quarters. Don’t worry, we’ll update it to include your DNA as well.” I turned around to face him as he entered. 

 

       “Yeah, right. I ain’t exactly-” he cut his own conversation short as he entered the room. His eyes went wide in shock as he glanced around the room. His eyes found my bed tucked against the well that was surrounded in three corners by lights that emitted a gentle orange hue. Following that, they slowly tracked their way from my bed to the nearby desk that had my terminal, which I had unfortunately forgotten to turn off. I needed to be better at remembering to turn it off, otherwise power consumption will go through the roof. Next, his eyes landed on a small white couch that was in the corner by the desk. Captain Penelope forced us to have them in our rooms in case we ever “hung out”. However, due to my combative nature, I never had a reason to use it. Lastly, his eyes landed on the door that entered into the bathroom.

 

       “Holy… oh… my fucking god!” He practically had to force the words from his mouth. That was good, for a moment I was concerned that my simple quarters had left him speechless. Then again, I needed to remember that all of this was new to him. Would I react the same way had I been thrusted so far into the future? It’s probable, but I have no way of knowing for certain.

 

       “I take it you like it?” I said with a small smile. Ray quickly walked towards the center of the room, taking a moment to slowly spin in a circle. 

 

       “Like it?! Are you kidding me?! This… this is the nicest place I’ve ever been in!” He chuckled as he spoke, throwing his hands up to his head. That… that couldn’t be true, could it? Technological advances aside, my living quarters were incredibly simple and basic. If this was the nicest living space that he had ever seen with his own eyes, then - oh … how could I have forgotten? In the med-bay, he told me that his family was in poverty. This really was the best thing he has ever seen… oh, this poor man. He’s never felt a day of comfort in his life, has he? I should try to rectify that when possible.

 

       Desperate to distract myself from this painful realization, I pointed towards the couch. “You’ll be sleeping on the couch, if you have any object-” before I could even finish, Ray dolphin-dived onto the couch, cackling like a madman into the velvet cushions.

 

       “Ohhh my god! This -” he stuck his head out from the cushions, a wide grin on his face, “is sooo comfortable!” His voice seemed to have a gentle rumble to it as he kicked his feet in the air. Seeing him like this made me… happy. Content. I could get used to it. Honestly, I could get used to Ray as a whole. His happiness was infectious. It brought a chuckle out from the depths of my core.

 

       Ray looked at me as I chuckled, before his eyes went wild. “Holy shit! That’s your smile?” He beamed at me. He got up from the couch and bolted towards me, standing on the tips of his toes to look at my face, examining my features with careful attention to detail. 

 

       “Man, that is so fucking cool!” His voice was filled with energy, each word and syllable dripped with it like nectar from the vine. I hung on every word.

 

       “Yes… well… Rouths don’t smile like humans do. We use our mandibles to help express our…selves.” Ray was incredibly close, I could practically feel the heat coming off of his body. I could see the slow rise and fall of his chest as he breathed. However, as quickly as this sensation came, it left as he backed away.

 

       “Ohoho, I don’t think I’ll ever get used to that, but holy hell it’s cool!” He chuckled as he spoke. He walked back towards the couch and plopped himself back into the center, laying his legs over the side.

       A part of me ached as I watched him leave, but I couldn’t fathom why. Probably just a bizarre random emotion, that’s all. I packaged it away for later examination and buried it into my subconscious. I needed to re-examine my focus. After all, there was a more pressing issue that this conversation made me aware of. Ray could not easily tell what my facial expressions or body language meant. I needed to teach him about it at a later date.

 

       Ray was staring at me, a curious expression on his face. Goddess, had I been so deep in thought that I had missed something he said?

 

       “Sorry, what?” I spoke in a vain attempt to make it seem like I had been listening. If Ray had seen through it, he didn’t care. In fact, he actually giggled. His curly ginger hair bounced as he adjusted himself on the couch.

 

       “Where's the bathroom? I need to take a shower.” Oh, right. I didn’t tell him.

 

       “Oh! It’s behind that door.” I raised my talon at the door on the left hand side of the room. Ray stood up and… bowed at me?

 

       “Why, thank ya kindly, sir!” He raised himself back to his standard height and eagerly skipped towards the door. As he opened it, he turned his head back to me and gave me a smile. 

 

       “You got any shampoo that won’t eat my ass alive? I ain't really itchin' to be a pile of goop on the floor.” He said with a half-joking half-serious tone. That was a fair enough concern, considering his situation.

 

       I let out a hearty laugh, “Rouths and humans can use the same shampoo and conditioner, so you’ll be fine.” Ray stared at me for a moment after I spoke.

 

       “Okay, but if my skin starts melting and I die, I’m haunting your ass! And trust me, I'll be extra annoying!” He said with a grin as he entered the bathroom, shutting the door behind him. If he dies he’ll… haunt me? What did that mean? I should ask him once he’s finished bathing, but I should ask him in a way that won't result in me making a fool of myself. I refuse to have a repeat of the cowboy incident.

 

       Shortly after that train of thought ended, another quickly coming to take its place, and it was much less jovial. It was the reality that I was left alone, with only the silence to give me comfort. Normally, it wouldn’t bother me, as I enjoy the peaceful solitude away from the bickering of the rest of the crew, but this was different. Now, I had someone that I enjoyed speaking to, and it made the silence's cold and uncaring embrace that much more painful. The feeling it gave me was a stark contrast to what I felt when Ray was in my presence. Ray made me feel… warm. The kind of warm you’d feel if you were freezing in the middle of winter and someone had just built a nice, cozy fire. Ray was that fire. He was this ever encompassing warmth that slowly enveloped you and made you feel… happy. However, without him here, there was no bright warmth. All that was left was the cold.

 

       I slowly sat at the edge of my bed, the uncomfortable silence was taunting me. No matter, I had something I could do to distract myself. Ray’s psychological evaluation. I needed to look at it anyway, and I was alone. This was the perfect time for it. However, as I opened the tablet, I hesitated. This was Ray’s private information. Should I really look at it without him present? Maybe he could provide some insight into these results? Or maybe he would react poorly. Seeing him broken again… I couldn’t risk it. I opened the application and examined the results. I was expecting maybe a single condition, nothing more, but reality taunted me. My eyes went wide as I scanned the results. 

 

       Confirmed generalized anxiety disorder (no further testing required), confirmed ADHD (no further testing required), confirmed panic disorder (no further testing required), and possible self-esteem issues (further testing required).

 

       I had a feeling he had some form of anxiety, but seeing it plainly on the tablet just sparked some kind of surprise in me. Despite how bad this was, I was just thankful it wasn’t worse. I wouldn’t have blamed him if that was the case, his situation was… not ideal. However, one thing was for certain, I had to tell him, sooner than later. I looked away from my tablet and towards the bathroom door. Sooner… rather than later.

Notes:

Heyo all! Hope you enjoyed the chapter! I've been trying to write longer chapters as of late to push me out of my comfort zone, so I hope it's enjoyable to read!

A little update on the silly author of this work, aka me. I'm gonna be a bit busy for the coming days with college, so I won't be able to update as frequently as I want to. However, you best believe that I am obsessed with these guys, so I will continue when I can (dw I'll be busy for like 3-4 days and then I'll be back to writing). I hope all of you are having an amazing day! Take care!

Chapter 12: Rest On It

       Holy shit this shower was so cool! First, it was clean, mean, and goddamn pristine! Heavy emphasis, and I mean heavy, emphasis on the clean part of that statement. Not a single solitary speck of dirt or grime anywhere! Also, aside from the standard dial, the shower hose detached! The pressure on it was also so damn consistent! It never felt like it would give out on me halfway through. Man, it was so good that it made me feel like I’d never taken a proper shower before! Is this how them fancy rich folks had it? Lucky bastards. Well, who’s laughing now?! Me! Mister Raymond Jay Cortez! The one and only space goddamn cowboy! Well, maybe not the only one, but I’m gonna keep believing I am ‘til proven otherwise! HA! Space cowboy! Wooohooo!

 

       I had spent so long in the shower gloating that I nearly forgot to put in some shampoo and conditioner, which brought me right back down to earth. Well… not earth… but I can’t really say “brought me right back down to space”, can I? Kinda fucks up the whole - focus, Ray! I put the shampoo in my hair, and, much to my surprise, it smelt pretty fuckin good! It smelt like vanilla and something else that I couldn’t quite place. The same went for the conditioner. Good to see Gana had good taste in this stuff, because I wasn’t exactly gonna put something that smelt like shit in my hair. I thoroughly rubbed it through my curly hair, making sure to get every part of it I could. Man, is this what self-care felt like? Taking a shower with zero stress? Because man, I’m loving it. This right here was ecstasy for me. After a few minutes, I washed the shampoo out and put in the conditioner, and repeated the process. By the time I had finished and stepped out of the shower, I felt like a new man. I wasn’t some scared guy out of his element anymore, I was now fully that badass space cowboy riding on a space horse going around the galaxy… and oh god this is my reality. Trying to ignore my surprisingly quick acceptance of my situation, either I was hella adaptable or… I’m in shock, I started to dry myself off. While doing so, I took a quick glance at myself in the mirror. I looked… tired. There were bags under my eyes. Then again, I always had those no matter how much sleep I got. I turned my focus elsewhere, because it has never benefitted me to hyperfocus on my flaws. Not like that normally stopped me, but this wasn’t normal. I looked at my damp ginger hair, it had gone flat the moment that water had touched it. I sighed, grabbed the towel, and rubbed the hell outta it. By the time I was done, my hair was crazy, but I didn’t mind. I let it air dry anyways, so if it looked crazy then so what. It didn’t matter.

 

       I took a gentle inhale and smiled into the mirror. I was okay, I was safe, I was comfortable, and Gana was… oh god he was right outside that door. Why did that of all things make me self-conscious? It made me wanna put on something nice besides my stock standard gray t-shirt with a brown dog on it and some denim jeans. Man, I should wear nicer clothes around him, maybe I could - wait, why do I care? Granted, Gana has already shown that he is someone I can trust, maybe even be friends with, but why do I care if I wear casual clothes around him? It’s my clothes, after all. He probably doesn’t even care. Why would he? He’s just the guy I chose to stay with, but that isn’t a minor detail! I trust him enough to stay with him, and, thankfully, he’s only reinforced that my decision was a good one! He was nice to me out in the hallway, and his voice was gentle with me, which helped out a lot. Actually, his voice was pretty nice. Whenever he spoke to me, his voice seemed to caress a part of my soul that I never knew I had. Like my very essence was being hugged by his words, and every single annunciation only deepened it. It pulled me in ways I’ve never been pulled before, but I didn’t mind. If anything, I enjoyed it. I enjoyed hearing Gana speak. His voice, no matter how alien, felt like heaven on my ears. Just thinking about it made me smile. Hell, if I could, I’d listen to it all - what the fuck am I doing? I looked at myself in the mirror, catching myself in my train of thought. My face went flush with crimson as I quickly put my clothes back on. I slipped into my denim jeans and threw on my gray t-shirt.

 

       “Right,” I said quietly to myself, “I’m gonna pretend that whole thing didn’t happen.” I took a quick moment to compose myself before looking back into the mirror. Man, I need to get better at controlling my train of thought. The last thing I need is to let it wander off like that again. Not like that train of thought meant anything! I was just thinking about his voice because I’m in an emotionally weird state! Hell, I’ve not been acting 100% since I woke up, which I guess makes sense. I’m definitely in shock - goddamnit, be aware of your surroundings! I turned towards the bathroom door, took one final inhale, and pulled it open.

 

       When I stepped back into the room, I saw Gana was sitting on his bed, staring intently at a tablet. His eyes were laser focused on whatever he was looking at, and a talon was raised to his chin. He was deep in thought, so much so that he hadn’t even heard me exit the bathroom. A part of me wanted to see how long it would take him to notice me, but the other part of me was saying how dumb that was since this was his room and, realistically, he could throw my ass out at any point. Best not to test his patience.

 

       “Howdy,” I said, leaning myself against the doorframe, “whatcha lookin’ at?” Gana practically jumped as I spoke, nearly throwing the tablet across the room.

 

       “Goddess!” he yelled out, darting his eyes towards me, “Do better at making yourself known, Ray! You startled me!” Oh boy, I got him good, and I didn’t even mean to get him! I tried to fight back a laugh, but my body betrayed me. My laughter spilled out of me as I went to hold my sides.

 

       “I-in my… holy fuck-” I tried to speak through stifled laughter, but I failed immensely. I slowly slid down the side of the doorframe, laughing as I went. Once I had found some semblance of stability, I raised my head to meet Gana’s gaze. Surprisingly, he wasn’t as upset as I thought he would be. He was… well he just looked annoyed. Hey, that means he’s getting used to my antics! Small victories!

 

       “Okay… okay. I’m good, and, hey, in my defense, I wasn’t trying to be quiet.” I rose to my feet, a dumb smile on my face. “You were just engrossed in… whatever you’re reading. Why’d you react like that anyway?” I went to sit on the nearby couch, sprawling out over it like a cat.

 

       I tried to meet Gana’s gaze, but, whenever I did, he would just look away towards literally anywhere else in the room. His hands were firmly together in his lap and his back was stiff. He was gently bouncing his right leg as his mouth opened, seemingly in a desperate attempt to say something, before it fell closed again. His mandibles were twitching wildly. Why was he acting like this? Oh… wait. No, it couldn’t be.

 

       “It’s… I was-” he started to speak before I cut him off.

 

       “Were you looking at porn?” I asked nonchalantly. I mean, I didn’t wanna judge. So what if he was? I wasn’t in the room and the moment I entered he turned it off. Not like he was cranking his hog while I was right next to him. Gana’s face quickly turned to meet mine as he turned a deep shade of blue.

 

       “No! I wasn’t - why would you assume -” he started to sputter out a response, but I guess I gave him so much tonal whiplash that he combined like five different responses into one and none of it was coherent.

 

       “Relax, it’s cool if ya were. I wasn’t in the room until like a second ago, so you’re good.” I calmly responded, sitting in an upright position on the couch, resting my back against its oh so nice velvety cushions. Man, this thing was comfortable.

 

       “I- it was - no, I - you -” Gana was a mess. I guess I had really gotten to him. Not sure why he was so embarrassed, I was almost sure I had a worse search history than him.

 

       “Dude, it’s alright. I mean, I’ve watched videos on two guys -” I started before Gana abruptly cut me off.

 

       “IT WAS NOT PORN!” He blurted out, his face was a deep blue to the point where I thought I had truly broken him. He was embarrassed to high hell. However, his outburst only strengthened my resolve in my conclusion. It was totally porn.

 

       “Okay then,” I raised my arms in defeat while resting my back firmly against the cushions, “then, if ya don’t mind my askin’, what was it?” Man, he should just admit it at this point. It’d make it a lot easier on both of us. Well, not really, but it’d be funny as all hell. Actually, that made me wonder. What kinda porn do they got in the future? Maybe - wait, why the fuck is that what I think? Man, fuck my brain sometimes.

 

       Gana sighed as he laid back in his bed, eyes facing the ceiling. He turned to look at me with… I wanna say pity. His eyes were soft and his body was incredibly relaxed.

 

       “Ray, I was - when you first woke up in the med-bay, I had the ship’s AI run a psychological evaluation in the background while you and I… talked.” He looked at me with sadness. “I… I’m sorry I did that, Ray, but I needed to see if you had any mental health problems as a result of, or prior to, your cryostasis.” His voice was quiet as he spoke, as if him raising it an octave higher would shatter me. I appreciated the concern, but I didn’t understand why he said this all in a way that made it seem like it was a big deal. I mean, it made sense. I could follow his logic. I was an unknown, a man out of time who could have a fuck ton of problems. Made perfect sense to me.

 

       “Okay? I mean, I get it.” I said, resting my hands in my lap. “I probably would have - no, I’m not that smart. Well, assuming I was, I woulda done the same thing. Don’t worry, Gana. You’re still -” He held up a hand to stop me. A look of sadness was in his eyes.

 

       “I appreciate it, Ray, but you need to hear the rest.” His voice was… everything.

 

       “Oh… yeah, okay.” I resigned myself to be less of a participant and more of a listener. I waited with baited breath for him to continue.

 

       “Ray… the results of the psychological evaluation… they… Goddess, I’m not good at this. I’m sorry.” He sighed, putting his hand on his right mandible. He looked defeated, dejected, and at a loss for what to say next. He looked like a sad deer in the headlights, and, at that moment, all I wanted to do was help him out.

 

       “Hey… it’s okay.” My voice was as calm as I could make it, but I wasn’t exactly good at this either. In a way, that was nice. We were stumbling through this together, and that made it bearable. 

 

       “You know,” I started, rising to my feet and taking a step towards him, “you can just show me the results if it’s hard to tell me them.” God, even with him sitting he was still taller than me. His eyes met mine and his gaze softened. He glanced between me and the tablet, before letting out a small huff of air.

 

       “I suppose that would work,” he handed me the tablet, “and, Ray, I really hope this helps.” I took it from his hands, and it felt heavier than I thought it would be. It felt weird to hold, to be honest. This piece of futuristic tech was in my hands, my working class hands. It felt… odd. It made me feel important, which was a new feeling. Huh, neat. I looked at the holographic screen and read from it.

 

       Confirmed generalized anxiety disorder (no further testing required), confirmed ADHD (no further testing required), confirmed panic disorder (no further testing required), and possible self-esteem issues (further testing required).

 

       I must’ve reread each diagnosis a hundred times over, so much so that Gana must think I can’t read or something. I mean, fuck. I maybe figured I had one or two of these, but to see it listed so plainly was weird. It felt wrong, every ailment that racked my brain and infected my mind was listed with such simplicity. It was right there in front of me. Well, fuck, guess I couldn’t deny it anymore. Before, I could hide behind the fact that my family couldn’t afford a therapist. Now? There was no hiding. There was no corner I could go to. This was real. I had anxiety… fuck my dad. Whenever I had a panic attack, he would always say that I was just being a coward, that I was weak. I wasn’t weak. I. Wasn’t. Fucking. Weak.

 

       My free hand clenched into a fist at the thought of him, while my heart started to pound. I hated him, but I was still terrified of him. Even 155 years in the future, when he was long dead, the thought of him made my blood run cold. A part of me still feared he would come running through that door just to scream at me again. I know he’d love that, to see -

 

       “Ray?” Gana’s voice brought me back into my surroundings. I looked at him and he had a worried expression on his face. “Are you alright?”

 

       “I -” I started, but the words got caught in my throat. Damnit, no. I’m not letting my dad win, he’s hurt me enough.

 

       “I’m okay, really. Just… this is a lot.” I lied, and I had a feeling Gana could tell. However, he didn’t push it. He just laid down in his bed.

 

       “It’s late, maybe you should… how do you humans say it? Rest on it?” Gana stretched as he spoke, relaxing his body against the sheets. I nodded.

 

       “Yeah,” I tried to keep my voice neutral, but it was faltering, “that sounds like a plan.” I sauntered over to the couch and plopped myself onto it. I was in the middle of getting comfortable when Gana got out of bed. I watched as he took a spare blanket from a nearby compartment out and he started walking towards me.

 

       “O-oh! You don’t have to, really. It’s -” I started but found myself unable to finish it. How do I explain to him that I was used to sleeping without covers?

 

       “Nonsense,” he said as he draped the blanket over me, “I had an extra blanket, so it only makes sense that you use it. Rouths have high body temperatures, so it’s not likely that I will need another blanket bar from the one I currently have.”

 

       His eyes met mine, and, for the briefest moment, I could have sworn I saw something more behind them. Just beyond those icey blue veils of his, hidden within the depths of his mind. However, he looked away before I could get a better look.

 

       “There,” he said as he stood up, “is that comfortable?”

 

       “Yeah… thank you, Gana. This is -” He held up a hand to silence me, a gentle nod of his head. He smiled warmly at me, his eyes meeting mine once more. That warmth spread to me, to the very core of my being. Man, Gana is a good person, and I’m happy he’s a… friend? I mean, no acquaintance would do this, so friend fits better.

 

       “You never need to thank me for providing aid. It’s basic decency.” Gana said, a slight chuckle behind his words.

 

       “Oh… yeah, sorry.” I turned over on the couch as Gana went to lay down in his bed. He clapped his hands and the lights turned off. Holy shit, they have clapping technology. Man, that’s goofy as hell.

 

       “Goodnight, Ray.” Gana said as he tucked himself under the covers, turning away from me.

 

       “G’night, Gana.” My eyelids felt heavy from… well, everything. My brain was still having a hard time processing the fact that this all happened in one day. Well, from my perspective at least. The fight with dad, running away, the job, waking up, all of it. One day for me. God, I was most definitely in some state of shock. There’s no way I’m naturally handling all of this so well without some form of mental barrier. Fuck, I mean, a slight break in whatever barrier I had earlier caused me to break down crying in the med-bay. I was a mess for a solid hour before I returned to some form of normalcy, and even that felt hollow. That begged the question, when, not if, would the final wall break? How would it leave me, and would I even be able to recover from it? I mean, fuck, I could be left a god damn shell of myself. Just a walking husk of a man permanently reminded that he had no connections to the life he once knew, no matter how shitty that life was. No more positivity, no more happiness, just the painful reminder that I left my mother alone with that monster. That my selfish choice directly led to her living with him alone with no one to keep her safe. God, why am I thinking about this? I need to sleep. The strain of everything was finally starting to bear down on me, weakening whatever slight resolve I had. My mind slowly slipped away from me as I felt the pull of sleep. It beckoned me to dance the night away in whatever dream I may be pulled to. Naturally, I relented, and felt my fatigue take me.

Notes:

Just kidding folks! Have another chapter as a result of my assignment getting pushed back by a week! Also, let's ignore the fact that I practically finished this and revised it the same day that I published chapter 11. Shhhhhhhh.

Hope y'all like this! Also, in case I don't upload again before then, Happy Halloween!

Chapter 13: Wake Up

       Nothing. Darkness. It felt like I was floating in a deep abyss, drifting to and fro ever so gently. I felt no weight, no pain, all I felt was the subtle rise and fall of my own chest. I was one with my surroundings, or lack thereof. I was one with the void and the void was one with me. Every moment was eternity, but every hour was a second. I was and I wasn’t. Nothing was absolute beyond the silence. That long, delectable silence. It hung over every inch, molecule, and atom of my being. I felt peace, true, unbridled, peace. It was wonderful.

 

       “Uhm, Mr. Cortez?” Cooper’s voice chimed up. I was yanked out of the quiet and thrown back into reality with such force that I worried I would be thrown out of my skin. I opened my eyes and saw him sitting opposite me with a clipboard in one hand and pen in another. Right, I was being interviewed for the cryostasis program. Fuck, how did I get so distracted? “I just need to ask you some basic questions before we begin. Is that alright with you?” His voice was kind, and gentle, but god, it felt like I was getting therapy. 

 

       “Uh, yeah sure. Hit me with ‘em science man.” Man, I sucked at talking.

 

       He chuckled at my terrible joke. “Okay, so, just to clarify, your name is Raymond Jay Cortez?” He glanced up at me, and I nodded in response. “Okay, how old are you?”

 

       “I’m 23. I was born September 2nd, 2001.” I paused, “I figured you were gonna ask me that last bit next.” Cooper smirked at me. Was I actually being funny? No, no, that was a pity smile. It had to be - wait… have I -

 

       “Okay, next, for basic medical information, what is your height and weight?” He kept scribbling down onto his clipboard as he talked, occasionally shooting glances my way.

 

       “I’m 5’7” and I weighed about 151 pounds last I checked.” The weight seemed to match. I had gained a lot of muscle over the past couple of years due to all of my jobs in manual labor - no, seriously, I’m getting the weirdest sense of deja vu. I swear, I’ve said all this before.

 

       “Alright, are there any outstanding medical problems we should know about? Additionally, do you have a history of mental health issues?” Cooper’s eyes kept dancing between me and his clipboard.

 

       “Uhhh… I had a great aunt with heart issues, but I ain’t experienced anything like that before. As for mental health, wouldn't know.” I leaned in to whisper the next bit, trying to hide it out of embarrassment, “My family’s too poor to afford therapy and stuff like that.” My eyes fell to the floor. I didn’t want to look up and see Cooper’s gaze. I couldn’t bring myself to see if he was silently judging me. I heard him scribble something - why does this all feel so familiar? I ain’t been here before!

 

       “Okay, so, we’re gonna do a scan of you before we put you under. Just standard procedure, don’t worry.” My eyes were still glued to the ground, unable to force them upward. “Micah! Bring the scanner!” A nearby door opened and my gaze was finally my own again. I followed the noise and saw Cooper’s brother. He was more scrawny than Cooper, but still kept that same warm expression on his face. Before I could even say hello, he shoved a… what did they call it, scanner? Whatever he called it, he shoved it right in front of my face, and I forced my eyes shut. I heard this electronic buzzing sound as he slowly passed it from the left to right side of my face. It felt… weird? Like my face was going numb, while also feeling like I had more control of it than ever. It’s hard to explain. As my brain tried to process this new, and, quite frankly, bizarre sensation, it was over. My eyes shot open and both brothers were looking at the scanner. I looked around the room, trying to distract myself. The wall was… very gray and the floor was… also very gray, but a slightly lighter shade. Man, this was not a good distraction at all, and the cool science stuff was on the other side of the room, past the - okay, what the fuck? This whole thing feels familiar! All of it! Why does it feel like I’ve done this before? I couldn’t have, could I? Man, this whole thing feels off. To be honest, it was starting to make my skin crawl.

 

       “Mr. Cortez?” An unfamiliar voice called - no, that voice was familiar! I’d heard him speak before - wait, had I actually? I can’t recall ever hearing him speak, but I swear I’ve heard his voice before! I snapped my head back to see it had been Micah that had addressed me. “We think that, after careful consideration, you’d be the perfect candidate for the cryo stasis program!”

 

       I should be excited. This was what I wanted, but now I’m not so sure. Man, this whole thing was making my head hurt. I took a closer look at the brothers, and that feeling of uncanniness came back to me. They felt… off. It was like when I first saw Cooper’s smile, it had that same offputting feeling that screamed at me to leave. I was sweating, my eyes frantically darting around the room. I was searching for a way past them in case they didn’t accept what I was about to say. God, I hope it didn’t come to that, but I needed to be ready. I had no idea what these guys could do.

 

       “Uhm… actually, on second thought, I’m good.” I tried to hide how nervous I was, but my voice betrayed me. I hesitantly met their gazes, and their eyes were wide. Cooper’s mouth hung open ever so slightly while Micah just gave me a thousand yard stare. They shot glances between one other before finally landing their eyes back on me. God, I just wanted to get out of this room.

 

       “Are… are you certain this is what you want?” He titled his head at me, and I got the faint hint that he was not remotely prepared for that to be my response. I had taken them off-guard, which I guess was good. Well … man, I don’t fucking know anymore.

 

       “Y-yeah. I just… this ain’t a good idea for me.” I rubbed my hand on the back of my head. I was shaking uncontrollably, not just for the situation I was in, but because I knew what was coming if I left. Dad. He wouldn’t let what I did go unpunished.

 

       “Well, if you’re sure, then you’re free to go.” Before he could fully finish, I rose to my feet and started speed walking towards the door, desperate to put some distance between myself and the brothers. Every step I took was fueled by anxiety. Like, a fuck ton of anxiety. I was terrified of what was coming. “If you ever change your mind, feel free to come back!” Cooper called after me as I pushed the door open. For a moment, I turned back to look at the two of them. Leaving was stupid, but I couldn’t shake that weird feeling I had. A feeling that told me to run, to flee as fast as I could and never look back. It overpowered any other emotion I had, and forced me to act. I turned back towards the door and left, letting it slam shut behind me.

 

       The autumn air was cool on my skin, and it felt… nice. Like an old friend that had come to aid me in my time of need. God, I needed that right now, because I was walking straight into hell. Each step I took further cemented my decision in my mind. I’m many things, a coward being one of them, but I ain’t dumb. I knew the monster that waited for me back home, and lord knows what he was doing to mom. The thought of him laying a finger on her forced the fear out of my body. It flushed from me, and what had usurped it was rage. Pure unbridled rage. Despite how tired I was, I started running down the street as fast as I could. I didn’t have time to waste. Every second was precious. I put my whole body and soul into each footfall against that cracked cement, propelling my body down the street. This was a race against fate, and I couldn’t afford to lose. I dashed from rundown house to rundown house, desperately hoping, praying that I would get there quick enough. I wasn’t gonna let that bastard lay another finger on my mom. Not again, never again. I was tired of running to my room hoping he would leave me alone. I was tired of holding my breath everytime he so much as looked at me. I was tired of my mom being hurt whenever I wasn’t around to take the beating. I was tired of being afraid.

 

       My house was in view, and I quickened my pace. I had to get there, no ifs or buts about it. I moved like lightning down the broken dilapidated street, and I swear I could outrun my own shadow. I ran up those broken front steps and made it to the front door. I could hear him before I even opened it. He was screaming at her, the fucker. My mom was the sweetest woman I know. She was nothing but kind, and he had the nerve to yell at her when all he had ever done was hurt her. He had made her life a living hell. He could hurt me, beat me, but never her. I slammed my shoulder into the door, causing it to open with so much force I thought I would knock it off its hinges.

 

       Mom was on the ground, her dress had been badly damaged and she had bruises on her face. Blood streamed down her cheek from a gash on her forehead, mixing with her tears. She was crying like I’d never seen before, and it hurt me more than I could’ve imagined. Dad was standing over her, a fistful of her hair in his hands. He must have pulled her down by her hair and yanked some of it out. The bastard. This fucking bastard.

 

       “Well, look who came back!” He relinquished his gaze away from my mother and shot it towards me. “Guess you came to your senses!”

 

       “... Fuck you…” my voice was barely above a whisper. I was shaking with anger. Every pore on my body was dripping with it. It filled my core, like a cancerous poison, but I needed that poison right now. It kept me standing, breathing, and ready to kill him. It was gasoline to a fire.

 

       “I’m sorry? I must have misheard you! Speak up boy!” He took another step towards me, a mean scowl on his face and eyes fuel of hate. He wanted to hurt me, but that only made that fire inside of me burn brighter. I wasn’t backing down this time, I wasn’t running. I was gonna beat him the same way he beat mom and me over the years. I. Wasn’t. Fucking. Running.

 

       “FUCK YOU!” I threw my fist at his face and it collided against his jaw. Adrenaline was coursing through my veins and my blood burned hot. He stumbled back a bit, bringing a hand to his jaw. My fist hurt, but I didn’t care. I cared more about hurting him than I did for my own wellbeing. I charged him, going shoulder first into his midsection. I slammed him against the wall with so much aggression that I could hear something inside of him break as he made contact. I could hear the wind get knocked out of him as he slowly slid down the wall. He slumped down to the ground as he gripped his chest. I took a step back from him. I was still terrified of him, of this cruel monster of a man, but that only fueled me. He deserved every second of this.

 

       He tried to stand up, but a swift kick in the dick stopped that. I watched him crumble to the ground in pain, groaning and moaning as he went. I stood over him, rage flowing through me. I took one glance at my mother, her face was drenched in tears and blood. Her beautiful ginger hair was tattered and frizzy over her face. Her eyes met mine and, for the briefest moment, I could have sworn that she wanted to tell me to stop, but she didn’t. Instead, she slowly nodded, giving me permission to continue. I turned my gaze back down to my father before I got on top of him. I grabbed the collar of his shirt and started laying into him with my right hand. I hit everything I could, his nose, his eyes, his ears, I didn’t give a shit. I was going to beat the fucking breaks off of him. I wanted him to be broken after this. I didn’t want him to even think he could lay a finger on mom without there being some severe consequences. I could feel pain as my fist connected each time, but that was dulled by the adrenaline that was rushing through my veins. I could feel his nose break as I made contact, blood starting to stream down his face. I thought he would put up more of a fight, but I guess he was never as strong as I thought he was. His only power over me was the fear I held of him for over two decades, and that was gone now. It was nothing but ashes in my soul, and a new feeling took its place. A feeling I couldn’t even begin to place if I tried, but it invigorated me. Like a ghost on my shoulder that guided my hand steady during each collision.

 

       “I’m not afraid of you anymore! Do you hear me, you old fuck!” I let go of his collar as I rose to my feet. He was broken, but I was far from done. I raised my leg and landed a swift kick to his stomach. I could feel his ribs give as my shoe made contact, and I could hear another loud crack. He was never the strong monster I thought he was, he was just another coward. A hollow shell of a man that never deserved a wife that was an angel, or a son that he could beat on whenever he was upset. He didn’t deserve the breath that he continued to draw into his lungs, but I wasn’t gonna be the one to stop that. That was God’s job, and dad would get his just deserts when he met our creator. I doubt God would have many kind words for men that beat their loved ones.

 

       “I’M! NOT! AFRAID!” I screamed at the top of my lungs. I wanted him to feel just how I felt for the past 23 fucking years. He gurgled on the ground. His face was swollen and bloodied to hell, and there wasn’t the slightest chance he was getting up anytime soon. I was shaking with anger, my fists bloodied and bruised. I stared down at him as he lay there, holding onto his chest. He had made this hell for himself when he decided to be cruel, so I didn’t fell one dollop of pity for him. He made me do this. All he had to do was be a good father, but he wasn’t. He was a bastard. I took a moment to breathe. It was over. It was finally over. Everything would finally be okay. I stepped over his broken form and walked towards mom. She was in shambles.

 

       “Can you walk?” I asked her while helping her to her feet. The last thing I ever wanted was to see her hurt, but dad saw to it that she was battered and bruised. Well, at least he got what was coming to him. I made sure of that.

 

       “Yes… sweetie, thank you.” Her voice was shattered and strained. I gently took her hand and guided her towards the front door. “Ray, I’m so proud of you.” She spoke out through stifled tears. Those words lifted me a little, and they made me feel… happy. I had done what I should’ve done long ago, and mom was finally safe. She was safe from him, and he would never hurt her again. I felt… peace.

 

       Once we were outside, I -

 

———————————————————————————————

 

       “Ray… Ray. You need to wake up.” Gana’s voice was soft as he gently shook my shoulder. I stirred on the couch, stretching over it as my eyes slowly fluttered open. He was leaning over me, a neutral expression on his face. “If you’re gonna live with me, you gotta start waking up when I do. Makes life easier for both of us.” He chuckled as he spoke, but it fell on deaf ears. I looked around the room and a realization hit me like a sack of bricks. 

 

       Tears filled my eyes as the last barrier I had broke into pieces. My breathing quickened as a cry broke from my throat. My vision went hazy as the tears started to flow out of my eyes. I could feel them rolling down my cheeks as I started to wail. Gana looked at me with a worried expression.

 

       “Hey… what’s-” He started, but before he could finish I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around him, pulling him into a hug. Tears were streaming down my voice as I sobbed. I couldn’t speak, words refused to leave me as the grief and guilt of what’d I done hit me. I left her. I didn’t go back, I didn’t save her from that monster. On the contrary, I left her with him. I left her alone with him. She lost her son, and all she had at home now was that monster. That bastard of a man that I knew would lash out at her the moment he was given the chance. What kind of son does that? The room was silent bar from the gentle hum of the lights and my constant gurgled cries.

 

       Through my muffled cries, I felt Gana wrap his arms around me, pulling me into a warm hug. His warmth encompassed my being, providing me an island of comfort in the sea of sorrow that I had been content to drown in. He didn’t say a word to me, he just let me cry in his arms. It was more than I deserved. 

Notes:

Howdy all! So, this might be the last chapter for a few days since I really need to get better at not rushing this. Plus, I have a literal mountain of work that I have to do.

As for the chapter itself, this is my first time writing action... ever. So, if it's not that great, I apologize. Hope y'all had a funky Halloween!

Chapter 14: 22 Days

Notes:

Btw, Couyon means fool or idiot in Cajun.

       22 days. It’s been 22 days since my ass was unfrozen. Each day felt more bizarre than the last as I was slowly, but surely, brought up to speed on everything, and when I say everything, I mean everything . It felt like I was being forced to learn about the entirety of world history from 1750 - 2020 but on a galactic scale. With that in mind, it ain’t a surprise that most of my days ended with me in bed, drinking a fuck ton of water, and having a terribly annoying headache. I mean, hell, the only highlights that I retained were Rovloc explaining how the Federation Council works - still have zero fuckin’ clue by the by - or about the Dothrekar - evil space corporation that does evil shit. Point is, all of it was a lot, and a large portion of it went in one ear and out the other. Most days it felt like I was being hit by a train every time someone opened their mouth to present to me a new groundbreaking factoid - well, everyone except Gana. He’s actually been pretty damn nice, all things considered. Not to say that the others weren’t nice! Rovloc was actually pretty cool once I got to know him, especially since he taught me how these new futuristic explosives work - he was the demolitions expert, apparently -, and Penelope had managed to get me a permanent translator! The permanent translator was apparently a pretty big deal, since the temporary one wasn’t meant to work for that long. Don’t know why, but they just don’t. Which, to me, - and maybe I’m wrong - sounds stupid as hell. Why make something that isn’t designed to work for that long? Just seems like an oversight - Ray, focus goddamnit! Getting the permanent translator put into my neck hurt like a bitch. It stung like hell when it went in and my ears were ringing for the next hour before I could finally start understanding people again. Anyways, where was I? Oh, yeah, Gana! He had been pretty chill all things considered. Dude even taught me how to shoot a gun! A futuristic gun, might I add! It was all fancy and shit, had these plasma rounds and stuff. Not like I understood how it worked, but, still, pretty damn cool! He even said I was a good shot, which made me feel cool. I then missed my next five shots, but, hey, we take the small victories!

 

       Honestly, Gana has done a lot for me over the past 22 days. Ever since my breakdown, he’d been checking up on me regularly to make sure I was alright. I’m glad he did, because, for the first week or so, I really wasn’t okay. I missed my mom more than I could ever hope to put into words. The guilt and hatred I felt was dragging me down, but Gana helped me keep a level head. After I told him everything, he did everything he could to convince me that it wasn’t my fault. I’m not sure if I 100% believe him, but I’m glad he was looking out for me, because, if he hadn’t, Lord only knows where my mind would’ve ended up. Although, I will say, there came a point where he went just a teensy weensy bit overboard. It was around day 16 where he refused to leave me be because he thought I had “sad eyes”. My brother in Christ, I had just watched “Where the Lilies Lie”, so of course I was sad! He didn’t believe me though, and sat by my side until he was sure I’d be okay. Besides that one time, he had been perfect, he even showed me how the internet - sorry, galactic net, which is such a dumb name - worked. The galactic net - you know what? I’m not calling it that. It’s the same damn thing as the internet but on a galactic scale, so imma keep calling it the internet. Anyways, the internet had tons of cool new stuff, like “Where the Lilies Lie”, “Resident Evil 12”, or “Mass Effect: The Movie”. Although, it still has the same problems that our internet had, mainly the fact that Twitter still existed. Aside from that, 10/10.

 

       Recalling all of these events brought a smile to my face as I stepped out of the shower, grabbing a nearby towel from the rack on the wall. I wrapped it around my waist before I walked over to the mirror. My eyes were brighter than they normally were, which was a good sign. It meant I’d been getting more rest and taking better care of myself. The latter was harder than the former, but Gana helped me out with it. Man… he helps me with a lot of things. He’s sweet, really sweet. Thinking about him brought a gentle smile to my face, and it made me feel warm inside. It was nice having someone in your corner that’d do anything they could to help you. He’s a great friend. A damn good one at that.

 

       I threw on my clothes and stepped out of the bathroom. Gana was sitting on his bed, and his head turned up at me as I entered. He’d been better at being aware of his surroundings ever since I mistakenly thought he was watching porn. Shame, it’d be funny as hell if I caught him actually watching it one of these days.

 

       “Ah, Ray,” he said with a smile, “did you have a nice shower?” He put down his tablet - oh! It turns out they are called tablets! So points for me baby!

 

       “Oh hell yeah,” I said with a stretch as I sauntered over to the couch, “I don’t think I’ll ever get used to how godly that feels.” I plopped onto the couch, taking a nearby blanket and throwing it over myself.

 

       “You know, I still have a hard time grasping just how different your technology was.” He arose from his bed and sat down in a chair near the couch. He did this a lot whenever he wanted to talk to me, and I sure as hell didn’t mind. I don’t know why, but I like it when he’s close to me. It feels nice.

 

       “Oh, sorry, you’re having a hard time grasping it?” I said with a jokingly mocking tone, sitting up slightly as I spoke. “How do you think I feel? The stuff I had feels like caveman shit compared to -” I motioned to the room with my hand, “ - all of this!” I was still baffled by it all. That sense of wonder had never truly left me. Everything about the future was just so god damn cool! I mean, hell, even the toilets were cool! They all used bidets! That’s just nifty as hell!

 

       Gana chuckled, “Well, you have a point, but still. I did some research into the technology from your time, and wow, some of it was just…” He spent some time searching for a word, “It was just so -”

 

       “Gana, if you say primitive -”

 

       “Primitive… oh” He spoke before he could stop himself, a subtle look of ‘oh, I’m so sorry’ was painted across his face. I sighed, a small smirk stretching across my face.

 

       “You’re good my man, just don’t call my time primitive. That’s my job, ‘kay?” I placed a hand on his arm, and, I gotta say, I’m still fascinated by how his skin felt. The parts that weren't covered by his natural platting were tough, but not in a bad way. It didn’t feel coarse or anything, more like a fortified wall that was designed to keep any resistance out. It felt comfortable beneath my touch as my hand subconsciously glided across his forearm. I pulled it away the moment I realized I was doing it, but I was a bit too late. Gana had started turning a bit blue, which I assumed was him blushing. I mean, it was the only thing that made sense, and him blushing was… honestly, kinda cute. It complimented those icy blue eyes of his and, if anything, it made me want to push more. It beckoned me to dive deeper and drink up every aspect of his being from his eyes, his face, his muscles, and god his voice. It felt like I was being tempted into sin, but a sin I would be happy to - oh my god. I looked away from Gana, as if him staring at me would reveal my devious thoughts of kissing men - an alien man, at that! Stupid stupid stupid-

 

       Gana cleared his throat, “So, you mentioned college football a while ago.” He was changing the subject, and I was okay with that. Anything to distract us from how awkward that was. Not like there was anything behind that awkwardness! Gana’s just a great friend! Yeah! A bon ami! Yup! That was totally it! Mhm!

 

       “Yeah! Yeah I did,” I quickly responded, trying to hop on this wild new topic and ignore how gay that whole interaction was, “what about it?”

 

       “Did you… did you play?” He said it with a hint of curiosity before quickly correcting himself, “Not college football! Just football in general.” He awkwardly chuckled after he finished his statement.

 

       “I mean… yeah. In high school I was the running back.” I ran a hand through the back of my hair as I readjusted on the couch. I was still slightly awkward, but the shift in topic put me at ease. This was an area I was well versed in, so I felt more in my element.

 

       Gana’s eyes lit up, “Oh, you mentioned that position before!” He slid the chair closer to the couch. “Was it fun?” He had a newfound enthusiasm in his voice as he spoke. I guess he liked to learn new things about me, or maybe he just liked learning about a random sport on Earth. Who knows? I sure didn’t.

 

       “Oh, fuck yeah!” I shot up straight on the couch, energy surging through me. “Dude, I loved every second of it!” I started to vividly recall several different moments from the year and a half I played it.

 

       “Any specific memory jumping out at you?” Gana chuckled as he spoke. At that moment, three memories came to mind, but I chose what was, in my humble opinion, the funniest one. The first time I ever pancaked a dude.

 

       “There was this one time where this guy, like 6’2 strong ass motherfucker, tried to stop me while I was running! So, he got in my way, but I just… boom! -” I clapped my hands together to emphasize the impact, “ - Slammed right into the guy and knocked him on his ass!” He chuckled as I finished up my story. I hadn’t thought about that in a long time, but it was a nice thing to remember. I couldn’t help but smile.

 

       Gana laughed as I finished. His laugh was deep and filled with honey. “Sorry, I just find it hard to believe that someone as short as you managed to best someone a good bit taller than you.” There was a playful drip of mockery to his words.

 

       “Wow, discriminating against short people, are you?”

 

       “Nope, just you in particular.”

 

       “Fuuuuuck you, Gana.” I chuckled out as I gently punched his shoulder. I’d learned first hand that punching him, even playfully, would hurt me more than it hurt him. His tough platting made that all but certain.

 

       “Ouch! You wound me so, Ray!” He playfully rubbed a hand to where I had hit him. “Oh, woe is me, I’m not long for this galaxy anymore.” Man, this bitch could be dramatic if he wanted to be, but I loved it.

 

       “Oh, my dearest Gana, how could I ever hurt you so? I hath betrayed a friend and shall lose my honor.” I sprawled out over the couch in a pose that made it look like Gana would paint me like one of his french girls. Except I’m a native Louisianan man with a funky cajun accent and the ability to speak french, so I’m automatically so much cooler than some random french chick.

 

       “Sorry, what pose are you even doing right now?” Gana asked me while trying, and failing, to stifle his laughter.

 

       “What? This doesn’t get a Routh going?” I joked as I further exaggerated my pose to the point where I got a cramp in my leg. “Ow fuck!” I grabbed my leg in pain, which seemed to only make Gana laugh harder. I swear, he was doing the Routh equivalent of wheezing.

 

       “Oh… oh my… by the Goddess!” I grabbed at his midsection as he leaned back in his chair laughing.

 

       “Hardy har, Gana!” My leg still pulsed in pain as I spoke.

 

       “Sorry, I’m sorry… but you must admit that this is funny!” His laughter slowly started to die down as he began to center himself.

 

       “Oh, I’m sure it’s fuckin-a comedy gold to you!” The pain had mostly subsided as I went to readjust myself on the coach to a more normal position.

 

       Gana chuckled, straightening himself up in his chair, “Alright, alright. Enough with the drama, where were we?”

 

       Good question, because I had completely forgotten what we were doing. “Uh…” I had to rack my brain to try and recall just what we were talking about before… Well, all of that went down. “Umm… oh! We were talking about my time playing football.” I responded with eager enthusiasm.

 

       Gana’s eyes lit up with a sudden recollection, “Oh! That’s right. Were you any good?” 

 

       “Eh,” I raised my hand and shook it back and forth, “kinda? I mean, I was far from good.” I gently lowered my hand back down to my lap. It was true, I was pretty average all things considered. My 40 yard dash was only 5.2, which is alright, but not spectacular. “I was just another guy on the team, to be honest.”

 

       “What makes you say that?” Gana’s voice dropped from his previously playful tone and returned to a more serious demeanor. He looked concerned again. 

 

       I was going to tell him exactly why, but then my eyes met his. In that moment, the words got stuck in my throat and tenderness filled my being. Man, those eyes of his held a lot of power, and I don’t really think he knows it. His gaze brought into my being a sense of peace I’d never really felt before. In his voice, I found the quiet warmth of a Sunday dawn. He was the light, that soft light which shines through the curtains, gracing me with warmth but not interrupting my serenity. In his eyes, I found that cool winter breeze that accompanied me whenever I used to walk down a gently lit street the night of Christmas Eve. In every aspect of him, I found serenity.

 

       “Oh… I, uhm…” I lost my train of thought. Fuck, where was I? Oh, yeah! Football. “I don’t know honestly, guess I just ain’t got heaps of confidence in myself.” I tore my gaze away from his and looked at my hands to distract myself. The energy in the room shifted from the previous abundance of laughter to one of… I don’t know how to put it. Maybe like a quiet solace? 

 

       “Man, I really brought down the mood, huh?” I spoke with a half-hearted chuckle, “Sorry, I-”

 

       Gana placed his four fingered hands over mine, and a flutter of uncertainty raced through my body at the sensation of his touch. I shot my gaze back up to him, and he was close. Very close. His face was right in front of mine, and I could feel his warm breath. He gently ran a finger over my left hand as a smile crept across his face. “Nonsense,” he raised a hand to my cheek, and I melted under his touch, “you must’ve been wonderful.” He cupped my cheek as he spoke, and I leaned into him. His touch was heavenly as it glided across my face, and I needed it. I needed this more than I was willing to admit. This moment of peaceful silence lasted for a while, with both Gana and I bathing in every last drop of it. I wanted it to last for the rest of time and beyond. The universe could collapse, worlds born into being as others would extinguish, but we would remain in this moment for all eternity. I wanted that more than anything in my life. Actually, no. I didn’t want this moment, specifically. I wanted more than that, I wanted him. Gana. The strong, brooding alien that had slowly softened towards me the longer I got to know him. 

 

       “... mon cher…” I mumbled through a heaved breath, my accent thick with adoration as I spoke. Within my core, a deep seated fire roared, threatening to burn brighter and hotter than anything the cosmos could possibly spur into being. I recognized that fire, for it came with that all too familiar feeling that I believed myself to be unworthy of. A feeling so foreign to me that, when its comforting embrace returned to me, it was almost alien. It was a stranger, but a comforting one. One that brought with it tidings of good news and bounties of desire. That feeling usurped any rationality left in my body and replaced every vital necessity with a drive to have this moment for the rest of my eternity.

 

       “Hmmm, sorry, I didn’t quite catch that, Ray,” He leaned in closer to me, his face a mere inch from mine, “care to repeat it?” His voice was sultry as he spoke, and I never knew how badly I craved that until I heard it. I needed it like I needed to breathe, to eat, to drink. Man, I didn’t… I never knew I could feel this way about someone, but that could only mean one thing. The feelings I had towards Gana weren’t feelings you had about a friend. On the contrary, this is what a crush felt like. Fuck, I had a crush on Gana. Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god. God, how did I not realize it sooner?! Did he feel the same way - of course he does! He’s cradling your face right now! Or… is that just lust? Is he just going to use me? A toy to be thrown out once he was done with - no! He’s better than that! He… he won’t hurt me… right? My heart was beating out of my chest. I couldn’t take it anymore!

 

       “Gana… I-”

 

       “Good news folks!” Penelope’s voice boomed over the intercom, “The Federation has finally gotten back to me about the data! However, for some totally unthinkable reason, they cared more about Ray, so we’re gonna head to the Federation’s Space Dock to meet with the council! Buckle up you chuckle fucks!” The intercom cut out, leaving the room in a deafening silence.

 

       I looked back to Gana, and his eyes were filled with fear. “Ray,” he said as his eyes shot back to mine and his hands firmly gripped my shoulders, “when we get to the Federation, you need to request me to be your confidant.” His voice was filled with anxiety and his tone was rushed.

 

       “O-okay, but-’

 

       “No, no buts on this. You need to do this for me, okay?” His voice was gentle but firm, leaving little room for rejection.

 

       “... okay, but Gana, please, what’s going on?”

 

       His mouth opened to speak, but fell closed without uttering a word. Without warning, he stood up and made his way towards the door and, without so much as a goodbye, he left me alone. I was left to sit on the words I didn’t get to speak, and maybe I never would. I don’t even know what I was going to say, and I may never know. Not knowing terrified me.

Notes:

I wanted to lean more into the fact that Ray can speak French! I also wanted it to be gayer, so it doth be more gay. Hope y'all like it!

Chapter 15: Panic

Notes:

Howdy y'all! Relatively short chapter in comparison to the previous one, but I wanted to show Gana's perspective before things start to get all loosely goosey. Hope y'all enjoy it!

       I needed to slow down, to breathe, to try and find some semblance of calm buried deep in the recesses of my mind, but I couldn’t. Because I knew the Federation well enough to know that this wasn’t a good sign. I only gave them some semblance of trust because they kept the galaxy safe from the Dothrekar, but the Dothrekar weren’t scared of the Federation anymore. In fact, if their recent behavior was any indication, they were pushing the Federation to see how far they can go without being stopped. Combine that with the fact that they had Ray in cryo for Goddess knows what reason, and that we’re going to the Federation Space Dock, and the result terrifies me. The Dothrekar would surely get wind of him coming, and something deep down told me they wouldn’t be too eager to lose their ‘asset’. After all, they had him for a reason. It meant that they wouldn’t let him go that easily, and every moment he was on that Space Dock he was in serious danger. With that in mind, I needed to be ready for whatever they threw our way, lest I falter and his life fall into harm.

 

       My feet fell hard against the metallic floor as I charged down the hallway. I couldn’t tell anyone my plan, especially the Captain. She knew I had something against the Federation ever since they started passing laws that put harsher regulations on my people’s trade, so she’d just see it as me being biased instead of seeing just how much danger Ray was in.

 

       Thinking about Ray forced me to remember how I left him in the room. I hated that I did that, but telling him would just make him worry more than he needed to. Then again, not telling him would make him worry too. Goddess, I’m a fool. Such a forsaken fool! No matter, I would deal with that later. Now, I had a job to do, and that job is making sure I keep Ray safe, no matter what.

 

       I burst into the armory and scanned the room to find my weapons. Once I saw them, I moved quickly. I couldn’t bring anything overt, so that ruled out my assault rifle and sniper, but I had to have something more effective than a blade. That left my plasma pistol, which I eagerly grabbed and shoved into a secret compartment on my jacket. I needed it to be hidden in case they tried to search me. Grenades were out of the question, bringing one would just be too -

 

       “So, we’re bringing weapons into the Federation Space Dock?” I spun around to see Rovloc leaning against the doorframe, a smile slowly spreading across his face. “Well, if we’re making it a party, then why the hell wasn’t I invited?! I mean, seriously, what’s a guy gotta -”

 

       I stormed over to him, grabbing him by the collar of his shirt, a deep growl emanating from my throat, “You better not utter a word of this to the Captain, or I swear I will -” 

 

       “Relax, Gana,” his calm voice cut through my sharp demeanor, “I didn’t come here to tattle on you.” I didn’t trust him, so I kept my grip firm and tight on his collar. Why the hell was he here then?

 

       “Then why are you here?” My voice was jagged and cold as it escaped my throat. I didn’t need him interfering with this. The little time we had was precious, and he was just standing in my way.

 

       He sighed, “I’ll tell ya if you let go of me, okay?” He pointed a finger at my hand.

 

       “And why should I?” I shoved him harder against the doorframe. I had zero reason to trust him.

 

       “... because I know where your head’s at right now, and I wanna help.” His voice was gentle, and, for the first time since I’ve known him, I could detect a tinge of sympathy and concern in his voice.

 

       “.. if you so much as -”

 

       “Yeah, yeah I know. You’ll beat me til I can’t walk right, I get it. Now, can you please let me go? This is really starting to hurt.” His voice was slightly strained, further emphasizing the [ain he was in.

 

       I relinquished my grip on his collar, “Alright, I’m listening, but be quick.” My tone was still harsh towards him, but, personal hatred aside, if he had something of value to say then he needed to say it.

 

       “Look, between you and me, I think the Federation is fishy as hell.” He was quick when he spoke, as if he was trying to fire off information at such a rapid pace to avoid any potential interruption.

 

       I titled my head curiously at him. Throughout the entirety of me knowing him, he never once indicated that he didn’t trust the Federation. It’s not like we’re owned by them, but we do work for them occasionally. I’d groan and grumble when we did, but he’d never say a word. He’d just sit there and nod along with the mission info, giving no emotional reaction that pointed him one way or the other. This was so out of the ordinary that I couldn’t help but ask, “Why?”

 

       He put a hand on his hip and relaxed his stance, “Look, think about it, the Dothrekar started getting bolder, like, three months ago. What also happened three months ago?” He looked at me, desperately hoping I would piece it together.

 

       My mind snapped back to three months prior, and it hit me like a sack of bricks. “The council elections!”

 

       “Exactly! So, my working theory, and please try to follow me, is that the Dothrekar got a couple of these new councilors in their pocket, so if they were to, per se, transport a human who has been in cryo for 155 years, they would look the other way.” His voice was going even faster now, so much so that my translator was having a hard time keeping up.

 

       Goddess, it made perfect sense! That’s why the Federation never reacted to the information on the trading routes we sent them. It was because they were being paid off! Those greedy corruption wrought politicians!

 

       “Good, I can see you get how big this is. Now,” he placed his hand on my shoulder, “Gana, I want you to think for a minute. If they’ve been keeping Ray in stasis for 155 years, and they have to have been keeping him for a reason, what would they do to get him back?”

 

       I didn’t even respond, I took off running down the hall back to my room. Those last few words repeated in my mind over and over again. ‘What would they do to get him back?’ I really hoped we didn’t find out.

Chapter 16: Momento

Notes:

Howdy folks once again! I'm probably gonna be taking my time with each chapter from now on. After all, the last thing I wanna do is give you guys slop.

By the way, in case your curious, the character theme song for Ray is Doc Hudson's theme from Cars and Gana's is Nobody's Soldier by Hozier.

       The room was deafeningly quiet as I waited for Gana to come back, which, for the record, I hated. It still didn’t sit right with me that he just took off without so much as an explanation as to what the hell was going on. I mean, seriously, why was he acting like this? He was usually so calm and collected. Him acting like this just made me worry. Also, why didn’t he tell me what was wrong? He clearly knew something, but he was choosing to keep me in the dark. Fuck me, none of this was helping my anxiety. 

 

       “Oh gee, how can you tell that you’re anxious?” Oh golly gee willikers, I sure have no idea mr. or mrs. random voice that I made up for the sake of this internal dialogue, maybe it’s that I’m frantically pacing in a circle around the room?! I couldn’t calm down, and I was slowly, but surely, feeling whatever control I had over my emotions slip away. The reins I had over my mind were being torn from my grasp by unseen forces that were determined to toy with me, to make me squirm. Fate had willed my consciousness to face turmoil for the sins I had committed, and I was powerless in the face of it. The unknown, the uncertainty, the fear, it all played with me, ripping and gnawing at the flesh of my mind. Once again, it threatened to bring me back to that deep murky water and force me to inhale, losing myself to oblivion. The world, the galaxy, the stars, all would be silenced to me as the darkness encased me. I would be adrift in the void -

 

       I took the sharpest inhale I’d ever taken in my life, and it occurred to me that, throughout the last few moments, I hadn’t stopped to breathe. I had been suffocating while oxygen surrounded me, offering - no, begging to be taken in. 

 

       “Fuck me…” I spoke breathlessly through the strain in my throat, “God… fuck … it’s okay, it’s okay, it’s gonna be okay.” My heart was pounding so loudly that all the other sounds that surrounded me were eclipsed. The gentle hum of the lights, the hushed beeps of machinery, or the rhythmic whir of the AC, all of it were slowly being dulled out by the panic in my mind. This was too much! I needed to calm down… okay, okay okay okay. Think! Just try and breathe! In for five, hold for four, out for three, right? God, I’ll take anything at this point, even if it’s half-cocked advice born from a forgotten part of my mind.

 

       I tried to control my breathing, but, to no one’s surprise, I was failing miserably. Every inhale came in sharp and ragged, and every exhale was a desperate heave to expel the worry from my soul, but it remained stagnant. That potent anxiety born dread had sunken its claws into me, and it gripped tighter and tighter with each passing moment. It was a cancer upon my being, and it was getting harder to remove the longer it remained. With each tick of the clock, I could feel it clinging and ravaging me from the inside, threatening to render me into nothing.

 

       I tightly gripped my chest, hoping that I could do something to drive out this debilitating sensation. However, there was no quiet place of solitude in my mind that I could go to. Every place that I dared to tread was haunted by the ghosts of my past. I would stumble into a childhood memory just to be forced to remember that every single person there was nothing more than bones buried beneath my feet. It pained me the most when I walked into the memory of my first time at the beach, and I saw her. My mother, standing there holding my young hand as she walked with me into the cool salty water. I couldn’t have been more than seven years old. She had this soft, warm smile that made you feel like everything was gonna be okay the moment she laid her eyes on you, but now those eyes imparted on me another sensation. Regret. She treasured me more than anything in the world, and when I could have finally brought her peace, I ran. I ran and left her alone with no one to protect her, and that would haunt me for the remainder of my days. This was only worsened by the realization that I would only have her in my memory. I would never see her again, and, one day, my memory would fail me. I would forget her face, her smile, her voice, every last bit of her that made her human. It would all become null to me, and she would not only be dead, but forgotten. Forced to a corner of history never to be recorded or recounted. She would just be another name on a rock with no one left to mourn her. She would join the mountain of others that have passed and left nothing but bones behind, and that terrified me. The mere idea that someone as amazing as my mother would be nothing more than a name in my head, devoid of what made her so kind, made me tense with a deep seated worry.

 

       The world around me was slowly beginning to blur as I spiraled deeper and deeper into my self-induced torture. I could feel it wrapping its cold hands around my neck, quickly draining me of the remaining will I had left in me to fight it. This was hell, my own personal hell. Except there was no inferno to engulf me, no demons to torture me. All it was, and all it needed to be, was my mind and the deathly cold silence. I needed something to release me from the hellish confines of my mind. I needed someone to release me from this and bring me back to sanity. I needed… no. No, I can’t keep depending on something, or someone, to just swoop in and pull me out of my own personal hell. I’d been through worse, and I needed to remember to keep on fighting no matter how easy it was to cave in the face of it all. I couldn’t just give up! That’s not what mom would want me to do! She’d want me to fight 'til I screamed, 'til my fingernails cracked and split, as long as it meant her son was safe. She’d want me to push until I was free from the shackles that bound my soul against the metaphorical fire I had stoked for myself. I needed to get myself out of this mess, kicking and screaming if I had to! I’ll keep on moving, no matter how hard the resistance is, because that's what mom would want me to do!

 

       With my newfound resilience, I took a sharp inhale. The air felt… different, this time. It felt like I could finally breathe for the first time in my life, and I made sure to savor every second of it as it danced into my lungs, giving them sweet release. The sense of peace washed over me, forcing the demons I had become acquainted with to go running into the night. I could feel them seep out of me as the shadows in my mind began to recede, granting me grace. A powerful energy rushed through my veins as I found my strength once again. My eyes shot open as a wave of calm began to replace the fear that had found residence in my soul. I looked around the room, taking in every detail to bring me back down to my reality. I drank in my surroundings with a newfound sense of purpose, a purpose I didn’t think I could have after everything that had transpired over the past twenty or so odd days. That purpose was that, no matter how tough things got, no matter how rough the tide may be, I wouldn’t lose myself. I had to keep being me, not out of some devotion to a higher power that I would never come to understand, but for myself and… my mother. She was the angel that had kept me safe as best as she could, and I’d be doing her a disservice if I gave up now after all that I’d been through. After all, this was technically a new beginning for me, and, for the first time in my life, I had full autonomy over it. I held the reins to the ship, and I never intended to let them go.

 

       I carefully began to center myself as I took another long, steady inhale. The air was honey to my nostrils, and I savored it as I drank it in. It was heavenly as it gently flowed through me. It felt like champagne going down, and a small smile gently fell across my face. This was my final moment of quiet contemplation, further cementing my victory over my own mind. I’d won, and now I’d do everything in my power to ensure that it never bested me again.

 

       I laid myself down onto the couch, taking a moment to allow the comfort to ease me further into relaxation. I had peace, for the first time in a long time. It was… nice. Dare I say, perfect.

 

       I heard the door to the room open and a heavy set of feet come in. I sat up and looked over the edge of the couch to see Gana standing in the center of the room, a frantic look in his eyes. Welp, there goes my peace, because I had a sinking suspicion that shit was boutta hit the fan. Then again, I also had a feeling that, no matter what happened, I would be ready for it. There was some comfort in knowing that.

 

       My mind returned back to the moment at hand, to Gana. In this moment of brief stillness, there was so much I wanted to say. I wanted to ask him what I meant to him, if that tender moment we shared was born out of a deep seated passion or a flicker of lust. I wanted to know if my face in his hands felt right, felt natural, and if I could return to his embrace. However, as much as I wanted to, I couldn’t. A part of me knew that, deep down, this wasn’t the right time. Maybe that time would appear again someday, but not now. Now, the only question that I could ask him, and the only question I should ask him, is what was going on. However, right as my mouth began to part and the words were forming on my lips, Gana spoke.

 

       “Ray,” his voice was hurried as he moved closer towards me, “I-”

 

       “Nope,” I needed to say my peace before he went off telling me what I had to do, “Gana, before you say another word, let me make something clear to you.” I arose from the couch and sauntered towards Gana, each footfall carrying more weight than the last. “I ain’t gonna do anything until you tell me what’s going on.” I wasn’t in the mood for any kind of “I’ll tell you later” or “We don’t have time” like in the movies. I needed to make sure he knew that I needed to know what I was getting myself into before we did anything. I wasn’t going to be at the mercy of others any longer.

 

       Gana looked taken aback for a moment, an expression of shock slowly stretched across his face as his mandibles fluttered. “Ray, trust me, it’s safer if you -”

 

       “No, fuck that noise,” my frustration was starting to show in my words, “I’m tired of being at the whim of others. I’m tired of being kept in the dark. I don’t care if it’s safer that I’m kept in the dark, so tell me what's going on!”

 

       “Ray, you can’t even begin to understand just how big this -”

 

       “Gana,” my voice softened towards him, “please.” I may be upset that he wants to keep me in the dark, but I knew he was doing whatever this was to protect me. However, I don’t need to be protected like this. I wasn’t some fragile piece of glass that would shatter if you so much as looked at it. I was stronger than that. If it involved me, then I should know. After all, as some long dead probably pompous asshole once said, knowledge is power.

 

       Gana sighed, slowly raising a hand to his forged. “Ray,” he closed the distance between us, “are you certain?”

 

       “Yeah, I’m set on this.”

 

       “... okay, but you might want to sit down.” He motioned over to the couch.

 

       I plopped myself down on the couch as he sat down in his chair across from me. He brought two of his talons to his face, gently rubbing them on his eyes. It was in this moment that I realized this situation was just as taxing on him as it was me. We just showed it in different ways. In a weird way, that made me feel more comfortable.

 

       “... Do you remember what Rovloc said about the Dothrekar?” His voice was soft as he spoke, gently soothing my heart, aiding in its rhythm.

 

       “Eh,” I shrugged my shoulders, “not much. They’re the guys who had me, right?”

 

       “Yes,” he sat up straight in his chair, resting his hands in his lap, “you were in the cargo bay of one of their larger ships.”

 

       “Aight, soooooo what does that have to do with the Federation?”

 

       “They… them having you was a concerning sign. They had been involved in suspicious dealings in the past, weapons smuggling, narcotics, you name it, but never once were they involved in trafficking organic beings.”

 

       “... Until me, so what does that all-”

 

       He raised a hand to stop me, “I’m getting there.”

 

       I fell silent, catching the rest of the question in my throat before it could escape. I crossed my arms over my chest and leaned back against the cushions of the couch. I devoted my full attention to whatever he had to say.

 

       “Them having you meant they were… bolder than before. Before that, the Federation had done a good job at keeping them in line. However, this meant that they weren’t scared of the Federation anymore.” He stood from his chair, walking to the far left wall. He stopped to lean against it, putting his hands in his pockets. “Now, the Dothrekar are careful, so they wouldn’t do that unless they had a damn good reason to think the Federation wouldn’t take action against them.”

 

       Oh fuck, I could see where this was going. Before the words even left Gana’s mouth, my mind had put the pieces together. What would an evil corporation do to ensure the government wouldn’t strike them down? Simple.

 

       “They bought politicians off, didn’t they?” I asked, a slight hint of shakiness in my voice. Great, this big galactic government had the same problems as the governments back in my time. Corruption.

 

       Gana silently nodded his head, “And you’re walking right into one of their larger Space Docks where I’m almost certain some Dothrekar agents are waiting to snatch you.”

 

       “Man,” I said while stretching my arms above my head, “why can’t the first place I see beyond this spaceship be fun? Why’s it gotta be all stressful and shit?”

 

       Gana chuckled, “Guess we’re just unlucky, but don’t worry.” He reached into his jacket and pulled out a… holy shit that’s a gun, “I’m not going to let anyone hurt you.” There was a slight growl to his voice as he finished his sentence. It gave me some serious goosebumps. He placed the gun back into wherever the hell he pulled it out from. Well, shit, this could only end well.

 

       “O-okay, so when do we get -” my words were cut off by a sudden jolt of the ship. I was nearly thrown off the couch into the chair had I not caught myself.

 

       Gana sauntered over to me and extended his hand my way, “I’d say now. C’mon, we need to go to the bridge.”

 

       I eagerly took his hand in mine. His warmth enveloped it as he gave it a gentle squeeze. He was warmer than me, but I didn’t mind. I liked feeling his hand against mine. It felt… secure, safe. His warmth was my sanctuary that shielded me from the outside world and all the violence that came with it. He carefully pulled me off of the couch as he led me out into the hallway. Despite me knowing the way, he never once let go of my hand. For the briefest of moments, I wondered if he loved the feeling of this as much as I did. Before I could ask, I saw the slight hint of blue spread up his neck, and that was all the confirmation I needed.

Notes:

This chapter is proudly sponsored by Take Me Back to Eden by Sleep Token because holy shit that song slaps!

I promise there will be more gay antics in the future, but the plot's gotta plot first!

Chapter 17: Mori

Notes:

Sorry for the long wait (a week is long for me)! I hope you guys like it!

       The bridge was bustling with life, with several people running back and forth to different terminals to input numbers or some other sciency shit. I didn’t really pay them all that much attention, not like I could anyway. Gana was gently guiding me through the hustle and bustle as people moved erratically. Man, it was absolute chaos. I’d never seen the crew this erratic before. Well, not like I’d been here long enough to say that, but still! However, for the briefest moment in this chaos, I chanced a glance out of the window. There, right in front of our ship, was this massive space station that was composed of two large black and gray circles that were connected by this weird metallic cylinder in the middle. There were these metal polls with bright blue lights at each peak point of the station, each indicating a different port station. Just when I thought I’d seen everything, life throws a fuckin’ space station at me.

 

       “Mon Dieu…” the words were a whisper on my lips, drowned out by the surrounding noise.

 

       Gana gently pulled me to the far right side of the bridge, leading me towards a door with a scanner next to it. He raised a hand to it and it started to make this gentle buzzing sound before the door slid open. Huh, guess it was another one of them DNA scanners he’d mentioned before. Cool. Neat. I’m totally focusing on that right now and not how warm and safe him holding my hand makes me feel. Yup. Definitely. I’m so focused right now. In fact, I’m so aware of what’s going on that I definitely noticed when Gana guided me into the room and the door slowly shut behind us. Mhm, and I totally know that this room is the airlock. Yup. Totally paying attention. 

 

       Once we were in the room, Gana, seemingly reluctantly, let go of my hand. That comforting warmth departed as his hand left mine, and the all too familiar cold took its place. I hated the feeling, but, then again, my gay ass had more important things to focus on. Like, potentially, my impending doom! Wonderful! I really wanted to be reminded of that right now!

 

       “Ray,” Gana turned to face me, “remember what I told you. When they-”

 

       “I know I know. You’re gonna be my confidant, I gotcha.” I didn’t mean to sound annoyed, but I guess the overwhelming weight of the situation was starting to put more strain on me than I had initially thought. I could feel it start to apply more and more pressure on my mind as time went on, but I wouldn’t break. Not now, not ever again.

 

       “Okay,” Gana nodded slowly, taking a deep breath, “good. And, Ray,” he leaned in close to me, his face an inch away from mine. I could feel the heat emanating off of him as those beautiful deep blue eyes of his peered into mine. “I’ll be with you every step of the way, alright? I won’t let them hurt you.” There was a quiet growl as he spoke, as if the mere thought of me falling into harm's way set off something inside of him. It was incredibly protective, but I didn’t mind. It was actually so damn sweet, in a way only my touch-starved gay as could fathom.

 

       He was so close that my mind almost went blank, almost. I was able to retch myself back to the moment at hand and I nodded. “T-thanks, Gana.” I couldn’t hide how flustered I was, but I don’t think I needed to. I’m pretty sure I was blushing like a madman. I mean, my cheeks sure as hell were warm.

 

       Gana chuckled warmly as he leaned in even closer, the inches that divided us slowly faded as his face crept closer to mine. Gana’s breath was warm against my skin, a gentle contrast to the sterile coolness of the room. My heart was a wild drumbeat in my chest, each thud louder than the last. For a moment, I thought he might close the gap entirely - but instead, he shifted ever so slightly, his lips brushing against my ear. “It’s my duty to you, sha’leigh .” His voice was barely above a whisper as he spoke, and every syllable he uttered reverberated through my being. That last word didn’t translate, but I didn’t care. It felt magical on his lips. I could feel myself tremble slightly as he spoke, getting weak in the knees as the desire to press my body against his started to take hold. His words were a deep rumble as his hot breath danced across my neck. His voice did things to me that I’ve never felt before, and I doubt I’d ever feel them again. The sensation sent a shiver coursing down my spine, my breath hitching involuntarily. It wasn’t just the closeness; it was the weight of the moment, the unspoken tension that hung between us, fragile and electric.

 

       However, just as I was starting to get used to this, he pulled back, and as he did, he had this… blank expression on his face. Did… did that mean nothing to him? Did that moment of intimacy mean so little that he couldn’t even be bothered to express the slightest amount of care? It made me feel stupid. Like, really fucking stupid. Here I was, fawning over this man, overthinking and overanalyzing everything we’ve done together, and there was a chance he didn’t even feel the same. Him blushing after he held my hand, how he gently caressed my face, and even now, with him whispering sweet nothings into my ear. It all could mean nothing. Because maybe that’s all they really were, sweet nothings, words spoken in a moment of desire that held no more weight in water than a feather. They were nothing, and I should - … no. Fucking… no, they meant something! They had to! There was no way in hell that they didn’t! I’m just beating myself up over nothing! He’s probably just like… controlling his emotions because of the situation! Yeah! That sounds… right? I mean, he is a trained killer… oh. Oh… yeah, how did I forget that? He has killed people before! The man that I’m fawning like an idiot over has more bodies attached to his name than I could ever imagine. God, what am I-

 

       “Ray,” his voice split the noise in my head, “are you alright? You look… distracted.” My eyes focused on his face, and there was a look of concern. It was subtle, buried beneath a layer of professionalism, but it was there. That… brought me some comfort. He did care, at least a little. God, I’m being so dumb. Of course he cares! He’s been there for me every step of the way since I was taken out of cryo! Why am I overthinking this?

 

       “Yeah! I’m good, just…” I’m just thinking about you more than I should , I’m just wondering if you like me as more than a friend , or I’m just curious if you see that seem beauty in my eyes that I see in yours . I coulda asked any of these questions, but I really shouldn’t. Not now, not here. Just like back in the room, it wasn’t the right time, so I had to lie.

 

       “I’m just curious, what does ‘sha’leigh’ mean?” I probably butchered the pronunciation by a country mile, but, hey, the effort means something… right? Gana’s mandibles fluttered, and that familiar blue tint returned to his face. It dashed up his neck and permeated throughout his facial plates and his mandibles, and, I’m really not sure if this was intentional or not, but Gana started… purring? That’s the only way I can describe it.

 

       “Uhhh…” he quickly looked away from me, his eyes seemingly desperate to avoid mine, “you know… it’s… uh… can I avoid this question?” He chuckled awkwardly and placed a hand to the back of his head, an anxious look in his eyes. I felt bad that I made him so nervous, but there was no way in hell I wasn’t pushing on this. He had just made me swoon like a drunk college chick at a bar, so I got no choice but to get even.

 

       “Hmmmmmm, nope,” there was a newfound confidence in my voice, and a hint of slyness in my tone as I stood up straight to try and emphasize that I wasn’t backing down, “you’re gonna tell me what it means, or else… uh…” Fuck, I hadn’t thought of a caveat for this. C’mon, think! “... or else I’ll tell Rovloc you called me it!”

 

       Gana’s eyes went wide, “You’re bluffing.”

 

       “No! I’ll tell him unless you explain what it means! Actually, I can just turn around and leave this room! I might go tell him right -” I felt Gana place a firm grip on my shoulder as I tried to move towards the door. I turned back to face him, and there was a clear look of desperation on his face.

 

       “Please, by the Goddess please no. You can’t! He’ll mock me for the rest of my days!” Oh, oh boy. Desperation was coating every word that came from his mouth. His mandibles were fluttering wildly with panic. Jeez, whatever it means, it must be something big. Huh, guess that means that I have power over him. Cool, I totally won’t abuse this!

 

       A devilish smile fell upon my lips as my eyebrows furrowed in determination, “Oh, but I will . Unless, of course,” I nudged his hand off of my shoulder and took a step towards him, standing on the tips of my toes, “you tell me what it means.” 

 

       He was flustered, eyes darting around the room, “But… you…” He was struggling to get any words out, but, eventually, he sighed. “Okay… fine, I’ll tell you, but you better promise not to tell another soul!” Checkmate. I’d won.

 

       “Sure, Gana. Now,” I clapped my hands together, “what does it mean?”

 

       Gana sighed, “It… it means -” before he could finish, a sudden beep came from behind him. I looked past him to see where it came from, and, on the wall opposite me, there was this rinky dinky box with some holes in a circular pattern and a button below it. Honestly, it looked like one of those shitty intercom things they had at my high school. Damn you technology! Now I’ll never know what it means!

 

       Before I could properly voice my annoyance, a shrill voice spoke through it, “Hello, crew of the Malikis. Welcome to the Federation Space Dock, subport B12.” Holy fuck I hated that voice. It was scratchy, dry, and poked at my eardrums with every single annunciation. It felt like it was clawing at my eardrums, tearing at the delicate skin until they burst, “Do you have one Raymond Jay Cortez on board?”

 

       Even if I wanted to speak, I couldn’t. I was too taken aback by my sheer fucking annoyance at this random voice, so Gana did the talking for me. Not like I was expected to talk anyway. After all, it didn’t sound like it was talking to me.

 

       “Yes, he is on board and awaiting his meeting with the Federation Council.” Gana’s sudden change in tone took me off guard. The man just went from a flustered mess to business so fast it gave me whiplash. I couldn’t help but show the surprise on my face. I mean, that was genuinely impressive! He went from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other at mach 10!

 

       “Ah, good, and will he have a confidant present?” Oh, yeah, right, the plan. The plan Gana had told me that I totally didn’t nearly forget about. Mhm, yup. Dieu, je suis un couyon .

 

       Gana looked at me, and it dawned on me that I had just been standing there in silence. He had a look on his face that was screaming at me to just open my mouth and speak. I dryly swallowed, and took a deep breath.

 

       “Yes.” Wow that was easy. Just one word and I was making a big ol’ fuss about it. Jeez, I need to get some kind of therapy.

 

       “Alright,” I could hear some buttons being pressed through the microphone of the intercom, “and what is this individual’s name?”

 

       “Gana, Gana Sor.” I heard some more buttons being pressed before a loud beep emanated from the intercom. The door in front of us slowly began to open with a subtle metallic hiss, revealing a white narrow corridor that sharply curved to the left. Although, considering what potentially waited for me beyond it, the door felt more akin to a dragon’s maw, and I was walking right into it.

 

       “Wonderful! Have a safe visit aboard the Federation Space Dock!” Yeah, I had a feeling safe ain’t exactly happening. With that, the shrill voice departed, leaving Gana and me alone with nothing but the gentle hum of the ship to keep us company.

 

       Welp, here it was, the corridor that, potentially - ah, who the fuck am I kidding? If Gana was worried enough to bring a gun, then I was 100% in danger. Fuck, okay. No turning back now, I guess. I chanced a glance at Gana, and I could tell he was thinking the same thing as me, but he was much better at hiding it. He always looked so stoic no matter the situation. I don’t get it, the odds are stacked against us yet he’s carrying on without a hint of fear. I admire him for that, because I certainly couldn’t. My anxiety was making my head go at a million miles an hour while my heart was beating at the speed of light. However, no matter how bad it got, I wouldn’t cave. Mom wouldn’t want that for me, so I couldn’t. Just like I said to myself back in the room, not now, not ever again. 

 

       I took a deep breath and cautiously stepped down the corridor, with Gana quickly moving to overtake me. Each step I took reverberated through the hallway, bouncing from floor to wall to ceiling, creating a chamber where the only sounds to be heard were Gana and my footsteps. It was imposing as hell, and it certainly wasn’t helped by the fact that there wasn’t another sound to be heard. No gentle hum from the overhead lights, no clicks or whirs from nearby machinery, nothing. It was totally devoid of sound beyond us, which did little to help my nerves. I quickened my pace, desperate to get out of this clinical feeling hallway. Gana rounded the corner and I raced to join him. When I finally turned it, I realized that the hallway led to this massive room, with terminals, holographic images of various planets and… honestly I can’t tell what half of this stuff is. There are words flashing on nearby displays, but they’re in a language I can’t understand and they’re moving too damn fast! For a split second, I could swear the words were in English, and even French, but they moved too fast for me to even fully register them. In the far corners of the room, there were doors that led to the same white, sterile, almost clinical hallways. However, beyond the displays in this room, one thing caught my attention more than anything, and that thing was made more apparent by the ever present number of empty chairs and benches.

 

       “Gana, are these places normally so -” I raised a shaky hand to motion to the room, “- empty?”

 

       Gana didn’t respond verbally, but the look he shot my way told me everything I needed to know. No, this was definitely not normal. In fact, it was so far from normal that I could swear that, for the briefest moment, Gana had a look of genuine concern in his eyes. He did a good job of hiding it, but the confident mask he had put on slipped for just a millisecond, allowing me to witness the twinge of worry that was trampling through every atom of his being. I had spoken to Rovloc about Gana a lot, and he never once mentioned seeing Gana worried. Hell, he’d actually gone out of his way to say that he doubted Gana could feel worry. To see the man who’d been touted as being this incredibly brave soldier show unease… I don’t know how it made me feel, but it certainly didn’t make me feel less anxious. He patted the spot where he had hidden his pistol in his jacket, and took a deep breath.

 

       “Stay close, and, if we need to - if you need to,” he paused for a moment, taking a second to meet my gaze, “be ready to run.” Without another word, he sauntered onward, leaving me to speed up my walk to match his speed. What the hell did that mean? Be ready to run? Does that mean that, even if he were to get injured, I would have to leave him - no, goddamnit, no! This doesn’t help! Stop focusing on all the ways this could go wrong, and just focus on the task at hand. Keep following Gana, and it’ll all be okay. After all, he said that he wouldn’t let anything hurt me, so I need to trust that he meant that!

 

       My surroundings were slowly blurring together as I followed Gana, lasering my focus on him and him alone. I’d be damned if I lost him in this overly white building. I mean, getting lost in here would feel like hell. No, actually, it’d be hell. I clasped my hands together, and I silently prayed for the first time in… god, must be years. 

 

       “Ma,” I whisper, and even then the sound echoed off the walls, making it far louder than I intended, “if you’re looking down on me right now, ask God to keep your son safe. I know him and I kinda have a rocky relationship, but I feel like I’m in need of some divine intervention.” I unclasped my hands and noticed Gana looking over his shoulder at me, still somehow managing to maintain his pace.

 

       “I didn’t know you were religious, Ray.” His tone had softened, and I could see him relax. Whether or not that’s a good thing, I had no idea.

 

       “Well, I am… kinda, it’s complicated.” 

 

       “How so?”

 

       “Well, back in my time, religion was kinda used against… people like me.” I said that last part with a slight bit of shakiness in my voice as the memories of pastors yelling about how homosexuals were nothing but sexual deviants flashed through my mind. It wasn’t a pleasant memory, and their words nearly made me repress who I really was. Nearly . It takes a whole lot more than that to bring my gay ass down.

 

       “Really? Well, that’s just ludicrous!” There was a hint of disgust in his voice as he spoke, “I can’t speak for your religion, but, in mine, our Goddess doesn’t care if you're short! I swear, you humans -” He stopped talking the moment he heard me laughing my ass off. The echo in the room only made it worse, as my laugh was practically deafening as it echoed off the walls.

 

       “No… not -” I couldn’t finish a sentence, I was laughing too hard, “- not… not short people. Gay people!” I could barely get the words out because I was laughing so hard.

 

       Gana’s face was, once again, occupied by that all too familiar blue tint, “Well, how was I supposed to know that?! I swear, you expect me to know everything about human culture and colloquialisms, and when I don’t it’s - I-” he couldn’t finish his sentence with how badly he was stuttering over his words. My laughter certainly didn’t help, even if it had slightly calmed.

 

       “Hey, ain’t my fault some of the shit you say just happens to be hilarious!” I said with a chuckle as I managed to regain my composure. I had a big ol’ grin on my face, which didn’t match Gana’s annoyed expression.

 

       “It’s not hilarious! It’s a lack of information on my part resulting in me making a fool of myself!” He was thoroughly annoyed now, and he wasn’t exactly hiding it.

 

       “C’mon! Lighten up, Gana! It’s not like I think less of you for it!”

 

       “Anyways,” Gana was desperately trying to change the subject, “why did they have something against same sex relations?” 

 

       “Well,” both of us had stopped walking and I leaned up against a nearby, “most major religions demonized it, seeing it as an affront to the natural order.” The smile had left my face, and a more somber expression had taken its place.

 

       “That’s horrible!” I looked over at Gana and he had a shocked expression as his mandibles gently flicked. “The Goddess made us in her image! If we like the same gender, then so be it! She has willed it so.” He had a matter-of-fact tone as he spoke, which was… comforting. I already figured he was cool with gay people ever since the whole porn conversation, but it was nice to actually hear him say it.

 

       “I wish people back in my hometown thought that,” I sadly chuckled as I rested my head back against the strangely cold wall, “Hell, I can recall one instance too many of gay folks getting chased out of Lafayette. Lord, my Dad always cheered it when it happened, said it was ‘an act of God’s will’.” I scoffed at the memory of him. The one solace I got from being so far in the future is that he was long since dead and buried.

 

       “Goddess, Ray, I…” Gana looked at me solemnly, a hint of worry in his eyes, “I’m sorry you were raised in that environment.” His voice was soft, delicate, and gentle. It felt like he was soothing my tattered heart and mending it into something greater, something… more.

 

       “Nah,” I brushed it off despite how terrible everything that I went through was, “it ain’t nothing. I mean, I’m sure y’all had some shit happen too, right?”

 

       He shook his head, “No, when I revealed myself as a homosexual, I wasn’t met with adversity. Rather, I was greeted with love from my community and family.” Huh, I guess his culture was far more tolerant than - wait did he just say he was gay ? I mean, yeah, no shit. No straight man caresses their friends cheek or serenades -... no, actually I knew at least three straight dudes that would do that in a heartbeat. Like, without hesitation, sayin’ it “ain’t gay if it’s with the boys”, so me being unsure is warranted - but Gana’s an alien, so human social bullshittery ain’t gonna apply to him. I mean, maybe - holy fuck, I need to focus. 

 

       “Wait, hold on, you’re gay?” Well, no shit. He just said that!

 

       “I believe that is what I said, yes.” He was smiling, that goofy smile. Man, it almost made me forget that we were potentially charging to our deaths - oh lord we are potentially charging towards our deaths. We should probably be focusing on that!

 

       “Anyways!” I pushed off of the wall and continued walking down the hall, “We gotta keep movin’. I ain’t a big fan of delayin’ the inevitable.”

 

       Gana quickly lost his smile and returned to his painfully neutral expression. Nodding, he continued walking down the hallway, returning to his stone cold demeanor that hid whatever feelings he had behind a wall of muscle and ice. It was kinda chilling seeing him go from all happy to cold in two seconds, but I guess he had to do whatever he needed to to ensure he was ready for what was to come. I just had to worry if I was.

 

————————————————————————

 

       We’d been walking for at least three minutes, but I swear to the Lord above that we ain’t seen another soul since we got here! I mean, the room we were in looked like the waiting room for meeting with the important politicians! The chairs were fitted with canvas, and there were potted alien plants in the corner. If this is some big fancy governmental building, then where the hell is everyone? Where’s the interns running to and fro with mounds of paper - or tablets, since the futures gotta be all fancy - in their hands? Where’s the politicians pacing the floor worrying if their bill is gonna pass? Where’s the corrupt corporate spokespeople trying to bribe officials? It was deathly quiet, and that made my nerves go haywire. 

 

       Gana was scanning our surroundings, keeping his eyes peeled for any sign of life. I mean, if people got taken or something, there’d be a struggle, but there wasn’t anything. It was untouched and pristine!

 

       “Gana,” my voice was barely above a whisper, “where is -” my voice was cut off as Gana surged forward to a corner of the room with a reception desk. Caution to the wind, Gana vaulted the counter and went behind it, crouching down once he made contact with the ground. I thought he must have lost it, but then I remembered that Gana had much more common sense than me, so he wouldn’t do that without a damn good reason. Before I could ask what he was doing, he shot back up and vaulted the counter again, quickly coming to my side.

 

       “Ray,” his voice was hurried as he spoke, “Ray, listen to me. We have to go, now.” He wasn’t asking, he quickly grabbed my hand and started to pull me with him as he speed walked out of the room and returned to that god awful hallway. His grip was firm, leaving no room for me to wiggle out of it. I matched his pace, but I couldn’t help the growing sense of anxiety that was creeping its way up my throat. What did he see that made him so on edge? What the fuck was behind that counter? I tried to catch a glimpse of his face, but I couldn’t get a good angle.

 

       “Gana,” I said through my panting, “what happened? What did you see -”

 

       “Ray, we don’t have time to talk. We need to move as quickly as we can. We can’t afford to waste a single second.”

 

       “Seriously? One second you’re fine and the next you’re freaking out. What the hell did you see?” I needed an answer from him, and I wouldn’t take anything short of it. He knew I hated being in the dark, so why was he acting like this?

 

       Gana didn’t stop moving, didn’t even turn to look at me, but he did speak. He said one word, one word that made me realize the gravity of our situation. One word that shook away any uncertainty of the danger of our situation. “Blood.”

 

       A chill ran through me, and I immediately understood. “How did you -”

 

       “Know it was there? I have a keen eye for details and Rouths have a sensitive sense of smell.” He spoke quickly as he turned back into the first room we originally were in. I could see the hallway up ahead that led back to the ship. We were so close! Just a little further and we’d be home -

 

       “Ah, Mr. Cortez! I was wondering if you’d gotten lost!” An unfamiliar voice called out from the opposite hallway, causing Gana to stop dead in his tracks, hand still firmly gripped onto mine. I turned to find the source and saw a tall human man with green eyes and a mop of blonde hair standing there. He had this almost… uncanny look to him. Something about him was just… off, but I couldn’t place it. Maybe it was that his face was perfectly symmetrical, or that his posture was perfectly straight, or… actually, everything about him seemed perfect. His hair was perfect, his eyes were perfect, not a damn thing about him showed even the slightest hint of imperfection. No scars, blemishes, nothing. Hell, even his all white suit and dress pants - seriously, what is the sudden obsession with all white stuff - didn’t have a splotch or scratch to its name! I was so focused on his attire that I almost missed that he was flanked by two very tall guards that stood opposite him. They were wearing futuristic body armor, which was, surprisingly, not white. It was actually a deep black, with some sort of white emblazoned symbol on the shoulder. They weren’t holding anything now, but I could very clearly see that they had a gun attached to the back of their armor. Gana’s hand gripped tighter around mine.

 

       The man cleared his throat, “Sorry we didn’t meet you sooner! I originally intended to meet you here, but you were already long gone when I had arrived! I was almost worried I’d have to come find you myself.” He chuckled as he spoke, but it felt hollow. It was devoid of any emotion, and, despite the wide smile this man was boasting, I could tell that there was nothing behind those eyes. They were a void where light went to die. 

 

       Despite the overwhelming urge to remain silent, I spoke up, “Who the hell are you?” My tone betrayed the growing fear in my heart, but maybe that was a good thing? Maybe it was a good idea to show no fear in the face of danger?

 

       “Oh, my apologies, how could I not introduce myself? Silly me.” He bowed to me, “My name is Eustace, Eustace Pierce, member of the Federation Council! It’s a pleasure to make your acquaintance!” His voice was so damn cheerful, but god it felt off. It felt like someone who’d never felt a real emotion their entire life was being forced to imitate cheerfulness without having a reference. Every word was hollow, and it made it all the more menacing. Gana was standing still as a statue, and I could see his hand twitching. Fuck, him acting like this was not a good sign. He was ready to draw on these guys at a moment's notice.

 

       “Well,” I tried my best to keep a professional tone, “it’s nice to meet ya. I’m not sure how much you know -”

 

       “Oh! I know everything about you!” The way he said ‘everything’ sent a chill down my spine. It made me feel violated in a way that I can’t even begin to describe. “I know that you’re a man out of time, frozen for 155 years and forced to rejoin the universe as a walking piece of history! I know that you were born in Lafayette, Louisiana to one Kevin and Mary Cortez. I know you ran away from home and your mother reported you missing. I know that the police tried to investigate the Dahlonega brothers, but they had seemingly disappeared along with you. I know that you were an average student in high school before your family’s financial situation forced you to drop out and get a job. Like I said, Raymond, I know everything about you.” Throughout that entire speech, he never once dropped his hollow cheerful tone. He never once stuttered, never stopped. Hell, I wasn’t even sure if he had taken a breath during it! 

 

       My heart sank. How did he know so much about me? No one on the Malikis could find anything on my life even after I had given them the details. They couldn’t tell me what happened to my mom, my dad, any of it! Yet here was this member of the Federation Council who knew every nook and cranny of my life! How did he know so much?!

 

       “O-okay,” my voice faltered, and I couldn’t hide my fear anymore, “but… why do you know so much about me?” I felt stupid asking it. I knew why, it was because I was from 155 years ago, but a part of me didn’t think that was the whole story. No, there had to be more to it than that!

 

       “Why?” He took two elongated steps towards Gana and me, “Because, my dear fellow, you are special! I’m not talking about the whole ‘frozen TV dinner’ thing! There’s something inherently about you that just makes you -” I swear I could see this fucker start to salivate, “- special~ .” He groaned as he spoke that last part, and it made my skin crawl. I wanted to leave, I wanted to go back to the ship where it was safe and sound. I wanted - no, I needed to be anywhere but here!

 

       “As fun as this is, “ Gana piped up, a tone of resilience in his voice, “I think we need to go. There’s a lot of things that need to be done back on the ship, and we can’t keep our captain waiting.” He started to walk towards the hallway, still maintaining his grip on my arm, but froze in his tracks as the two guards behind Eustace took a few steps towards him.

 

       “Nonsense! I think we need to spend a few more moments with Ray! After all,” his grin grew to an impossible level as he stared intently at me, his pupils dilating the longer he stared, “the Council needs to see him.”

 

       Before I could even protest, a loud noise tore through the air as I felt Gana’s grip on my arm disappear. I looked his way to see he had drawn his pistol and had fired a round directly into the head of one of the guards, his body falling limply to the ground. Before the other could react, Gana fired another round through his head. His partially obliterated head spurted blue blood as he slumped over and collapsed to the ground, dead. I should feel shock, I should be horrified. I’d never seen a dead body before, but I was only feeling one thing right now. Adrenaline. Pure. Fucking. Adrenaline. Gana went to fire another shot, but Eustace was fast. He had dashed up to Gana and had gripped his arms, attempting to wrench the gun from his grasp.

 

       “RAY,” Gana strained out, “RUN!” I could run. I could run right down that hallway and ensure I’d make it to safety. I could hope that Gana would be okay. I could hope that everything would be okay and I’d see him come through the airlock, safe and sound. I could do all of that, but that ain’t my style. After all, my mother taught me to help others, and I’m a mama’s boy through and through.

 

       I ran up to Eustace and grabbed ahold of his arms, attempting to release his grip on Gana. I placed my thumb in between my ring and middle finger, and threw a punch directly into his throat. I wanted to break his damn windpipe. I wanted him to be in pain for even thinking he could hurt me - hurt us . I wanted to hurt him for thinking he had the right to lay a hand on such an amazing person. I’d already let one terrible person hurt someone I care about, and I wasn’t itchin’ to let another person do the same. I punched him again, and again, and again, but he barely reacted. He didn’t gasp or wheeze, he just stood there and took it. Hell, he didn’t even flinch!

 

       When I went to punch him again, he kicked me square in the stomach, sending me flying backwards. The pain was unbearable, and I had to hold my stomach as I curled up on the floor.  The noises around me blurred as I was blinded by the pain. It felt like my organs had just been rearranged. How the hell was his kick that strong? It flew me across the damn room! Putainputainputainputain ! The pain rocked through my body and set my nerves ablaze, damn near sending me into a coma. I gasped as the air finally returned to my lungs, providing me with some shallow sense of comfort. I was desperate for anything to hold onto, for anything to save me from this - FOCUS, RAY!

 

       Despite the nagging pain, I opened my eyes and looked around. Gana was on the ground with Eustace on top of him. Eustace was holding some kind of blade, and both of his hands held it firmly as he attempted to plunge it into Gana. Gana was holding his arms, preventing himself from being stabbed, but he wasn’t as strong as Eustace. I could see the strain on his face, it was taking every ounce of strength he had to hold him off, but he was slowly losing ground. The knife was creeping its way towards Gana’s chest. How the fuck was Eustace stronger?! Gana looked far stronger than him! There was no way Eustace should be winning! Also, where the hell was Gana’s gun? It wasn’t anywhere near him. I didn’t have much time. I desperately looked around, hoping, praying that I could find it in time. Just when I thought I wouldn’t find it, I saw it. It was a few feet to my left under a chair, undamaged. To hell with the aching pain, I needed to hurry. I rose to my feet and dashed to the chair, practically diving for the gun. I felt its cold, metallic grip as I quickly took it in my grasp. I placed both hands on the grip, finding my right pointer finger firmly on the trigger. I rose to my feet, raising the pistol as I did. My heart was pounding out of my chest as I lined Eustace’s head up with the sight of the gun. I didn’t have time to think. I didn’t have time to question if I had the guts to kill someone. I didn’t have time to question the repercussions of killing a member of the council. The only thing I had time to do was act, and I didn’t hesitate.

 

       “ Dieu... s'il te plaît .” I felt my pointer finger tense, and I fired.

Notes:

HOLY FUCK! Writing this was so difficult! Y'all don't even wanna KNOW how many drafts this chapter went through! I changed the beginning like eight times before I was finally happy with it! That's not even mentioning the scene with Gana in the beginning! That went through like three different versions! Surprisingly, once that was done, the rest was smooth sailing! I hope y'all like it... oh yeah! This is also the longest chapter so far and also the longest thing I've ever written (if each chapter is it's own work, then this is the longest by FAR)!

Anyways, hope y'all enjoy it! Also, be on the lookout! There are some commissions in the works of some scenes of this story, so art of these goobers is certainly in the future!

Chapter 18: When I Look At Him

       I wouldn’t die here. I’d fought and survived far worse, whether it was the monstrosities that deep space had to offer or the war back home, it didn’t matter. I had always found a way to beat the odds and keep on living, keep on fighting. However, here I was, losing to some grubby career politician who’d been bought out by the Dothrekar. I mean, even his guards bore their sigil! He was stronger than he looked, far stronger. I wondered if he was on some substance that boosted his performance, but that was unlikely. Beyond this bizarre surge of strength, he appeared normal. Not like any of that mattered at the moment, because I was desperately fighting to ensure his knife didn’t plunge into my flesh, piercing my organs. I had to keep fighting, not just for myself, but for Ray. He should have ran, he should have left me behind, but he didn’t. Humans and their stupid sense of devotion, it was gonna get him killed if I couldn’t -

 

       Bang. That was the only sound that pierced through the surrounding noise. I recognized that sound, it was unmistakable. That was the sound of my pistol. Eustace’s head was torn in two, with the back half being blown off. His eyes relaxed as the rest of his body went limp, falling loosely over mine. I threw him off of me and searched for who could have fired - oh. Oh, no. I saw Ray, trembling. His hands were shaking with my pistol firm within their grasp. He stood hunched, shoulders trembling, as if the weight of his actions was a physical burden, threatening to break him down until he was nothing. His eyes were wide as he stared at Eustace’s body, never once taking them off of his corpse. I could see his mouth open in an attempt to speak, but no sound escaped his lips. Throughout all of this, he never once lowered my gun. He kept it firmly raised, as if Eustace would stand up again, as if he could. I watched him for a moment, not daring to make any sudden moves. 

 

       Goddess, I should have been stronger! If I had, then Ray wouldn’t have had to save me, he wouldn’t have had to kill Eustace! My soul is already tainted by the blood of those I’ve killed, but I never wanted that same fate for Ray. He deserved better than that! Would people look at him the way they looked at me? Would they ignore how kind he was just to see him as a man who could take the life of another? I could feel the air in the room shift as the weight of his action started to press more firm into his mind. It was as if the air around him thickened, pressing in, suffocating and constricting him with his choice. The choice to take a life.

 

       I rose to my feet, partially covered in Eustace’s blood, and slowly made my way towards Ray. I didn’t want to rush towards him, so I walked slowly, carefully.

 

       “Ray… you -”

 

       “I killed him.” He responded before I could even finish, his words filled to the brim with fear. He finally ripped his gaze away from the body and faced me, his eyes filling with tears. This poor, poor man. This poor sweet, caring, loveable man… my sha’leigh . I’d failed to keep him safe.

 

       “Ray,” I put a hand on his shoulder, hoping that I could sooth him away from his inner turmoil, “you did what you had to do. I -” was a fool, was too weak, was too rash , “- would have died without your help.” I gently coaxed my gun from his grasp, and, almost immediately, he relinquished his grip on it. He let it fall into my hands, shivering as I slid it back into my jacket pocket.

 

       “Gana… I… I -” He was struggling to speak. All the words were falling empty upon his lips. I wanted to comfort him, to pull him into my grasp, to keep him safe, but I couldn’t. Not here. Not when we were still surrounded by bodies… and… fuck, the body of a member of the Federation Council. This was bad, really bad. I took Ray’s hand in mine, allowing myself to feel his subtle warmth, and began to take him back to the hallway leading to the ship. The whole way there, he didn’t utter a word. Not one sound escaped him beyond the echoing of his footsteps. I didn’t dare speak, lest I break whatever resolve he still had left in him. 

 

       Once we returned to the airlock, I raised my hand to the scanner to allow entry back into the bridge. The moment the door opened, I didn’t hesitate.

 

       “Captain!” My voice was sharp, cold, and forceful as it left my throat with a yell, “Prepare the Malikis to jump to lightspeed! We’re leaving.” The people on the bridge all stared at me, but their gaze didn’t linger on me for long. After all, they were used to seeing me covered in blood, but they weren’t used to seeing Ray like this. He looked like he was in shock, with that dead, vacant expression on his face. If one of them so much as uttered a word to him asking what happened, I would beat them within an inch of their life. However, it wasn’t the crew I had to worry about. It was Captain Penelope.

 

       “Gana,” her voice was agitated as she spoke, and her face was filled with disgust, “you will not talk to me like that on my -” she stopped her rant the moment she saw the look on Ray’s face. I saw the look of anger drain out of her as she started to approach him. “Jesus! Ray, are you -”

 

       “I’m fine.” He didn’t even let her finish, his monotone voice cut through the air like talons on a chalkboard. It felt wrong, wrong in a way that I can’t put my talon on. He was this happy go-lucky guy, a ray of sunshine, but now… now he was a shell of himself. However, none of that mattered right now. The most important thing would be getting him back to my quarters away from prying eyes.

 

       “No, Ray, you clearly aren’t fine. Let’s get you down to medical and -”

 

       “Captain,” Rovloc piped up from behind a nearby terminal, “correct me if I’m wrong, but I believe him saying ‘I’m fine’ means that he is not fine, but he doesn’t wanna talk about it. Maybe I’m misremembering human social cues, because you guys sure have a lot of them, but I think,” he stood up from his terminal, his scales glistening in from the overhead lights as he did, “we should leave him alone.”

 

       Huh, you know, if someone had told me three weeks ago that I’d be agreeing with Rovloc on something, and even being grateful for him, I’d have punched them upside the head. However, right now, he was helping us, and I needed to remember to thank him for that later.

 

       “Either way, we need to go now.” My voice still had a commanding tone as I spoke, “The details on why -” will break Ray if I bring them up , “- are negligible. We need to jump to lightspeed!”

 

       “Alright, alright!” Captain Penelope relented, “Prepare the ship for lightspeed! On the double people!” As she moved away from us, I looked over to Rovloc. His normal carefree demeanor was replaced by one of painful neutrality, but, even amidst the room slowly becoming chaotic, he took the time to give me a gentle nod. I responded in kind with one of my own as I walked Ray away from the bridge and towards my quarters.

 

————————————————————————

 

       The walk there was quiet, solemn. Just like on the way to the ship, I didn’t dare utter a word, but Ray wasn’t quiet this time. I could hear his shaky breathing as he struggled to keep himself steady through the coming tide of emotion that was washing over him. Goddess, I wanted to shield him from it all, to keep him safe from the tide that dared to drag him into oblivion, but I had to have faith that he was strong enough to withstand it for the time being. 

 

       There isn’t a book on how to handle killing someone for the first time. I still remember the first time I had to do it back during the civil war of my people. I was forced to kill another Routh that couldn’t have been older than 17. I was the same age as him at the time. He probably had a family, friends, people that cared for him just as I had. He had a life just as detailed as my own, with ups and downs, trials and tribulations that all culminated in our meeting, and his ultimate demise. I still remember how he looked at me as I shot him. The look of horror, of fear that was painted across his face. It was burned into my memory. Everyone that I’d slayed since then had fallen into the back of my mind, but not him. He would always be there in my mind, watching as the tally of bodies slowly climbed higher and higher.

 

       I could only imagine what was going through Ray’s mind. He wasn’t trained on how to numb the pain. He wasn’t trained how to repress the nightmares, the screams, the cries of the people that you slaughtered. He was a civilian until today, and civilians aren’t expected to kill, yet he had. He had killed someone, even if it was in the name of the greater good, and I doubt that settled well with him. It especially didn’t help that it was another human. It was something that, in the vast expanse of space, felt familiar, close to home, no matter how twisted it was, and he had killed it. I doubt it mattered that the man was a monster, because it didn’t make the reality of his actions any easier to swallow. I would always be grateful that he did what he did, but it wasn’t about whether or not I was okay with it. Ray was clearly disturbed by his actions, no matter how necessary they were. There was only one thought that I had at this moment, one question that rose high above the rest. Could Ray forgive himself?

 

       I raised my hand to the DNA scanner and, after a brief moment, the door opened. Ray entered alongside me, and silence hung over the two of us. The silence left so many words unspoken. I wanted to comfort him, to tell him it would be okay, but nothing was coming out of me. The words were all stuck together in my throat, each one fighting the other to be spoken. However, the silence didn’t last for long. The moment the door shut behind us, a fractured, ragged gasp escaped from Ray as he slumped down on my bed, with his head in his hands, trembling. The hum of the lights was muted against his sobs, which came jagged and uneven, as if his grief was trying to claw its way free of his throat. I didn’t utter a word as I saw him. Not that I didn’t know what to say, but rather that I had too much to say. Just like before, a thousand words circled my mind, but none were spoken. I wanted to comfort him, to tell him it was okay, to say how much he means to me, to apologize for putting him in that position. I wanted to take him in my arms and hold him until his tears ran dry, until I was sure he was safe. I wanted to serenade him into a peaceful dream, to protect him from the thoughts that threatened to swallow him whole, but I couldn’t. Not while I was still covered in blood, but I couldn’t take leaving him alone for a second longer than I had to. 

 

       I quickly went to the bathroom sink and turned the faucet, plunging my hands underneath the cold water and splashing it against my face, washing it clean. I made sure to get my facial plates, my mandibles, everything. Once I was certain that not a splotch was left, I dried my face and quickly returned to the room to see Ray sobbing. His head was no longer in his hands, and I could see his face. It was streaked with tears, shining like rain on tempered glass. His eyes were red from his sobbing, and his nose was running. He looked at me, and opened his mouth to speak, but nothing came out. The words fell silent, quickly being usurped by another sob. Goddess, I couldn’t bear to see him in such a state.

 

       I quickly moved to his side, sitting myself next to him on the bed. Without hesitation, I wrapped my arms around him, pulling him into a hug. I didn’t care if his warm tears stained my clothing, he was far more important. I would do anything to see that smile of his again, and if it meant holding him until the tears stopped, then so be it.

 

       “Gana,” Ray choked out in between sobs, “... I’m… I -”

 

       “Shhhh, it’s okay.” I stroked his hair as I whispered to him, hoping to coax him back into a more relaxed state, “It’s alright, you’re safe now. You’re okay. It’s all going to be okay.”

 

       His arms tightly clung to me, as if I were the only thing anchoring him to this moment. I feared that, if he were to let go, I would lose him entirely to the void that lurked just beneath the surface. The void that was slowly wreaking havoc throughout his mind, body, and soul.

 

       “I… I killed someone… Gana…” Ray had to force the words out of himself, desperately fighting back against the sobs that threatened to silence him entirely. He buried himself further into the crook of my neck, his warm tears pooling against my skin.

 

       “I know… I know, Ray.” I rested my other hand on his back and gently caressed him.

 

       “I… I’ve never… oh, Lord…” he was broken. Broken by his actions, broken by his reality, and broken by his past, but he was fighting against it. I’ve seen people in the war that were never able to cope with what they did. They receded into themselves, taking shelter in the corners of their mind while their body became nothing more than an unresponsive husk. However, Ray was holding his own. He wasn’t running from what he did, he was confronting it. He was acknowledging it, and that was a good sign. It meant he was stronger than most of the people I knew back then, and I’m not sure why that surprised me. He’d been nothing but strong since I first met him.

 

       “You saved my life, Ray.” I whispered into his ear, “I wouldn’t have made it out without you.”

 

       “But… but I -”

 

       “Killed a terrible person that was going to kill me.” I didn’t let him finish his thought. I couldn’t bear to hear him even consider himself a monster for doing what was right. “Ray, please. You need to understand that you did the right thing, and it’s okay to feel terrible about it. It never feels good to kill someone, no matter who they are.”

 

       Ray didn’t respond, the only noise that came from him were muffled sniffles and sobs as his grip on me tightened. I was okay with that. I would be here for as long as I needed to, and, if I must, I’d be here with him until the very stars collapsed and the universe returned to nothing. I’d be right there with him until that peaceful oblivion took hold of us both. I’d do it all for him, because… because I care about him. I see the sunrise of my home planet, Wollom, every time I look into his eyes. I see a life I never got to live every time I see him smile. I see hope in his eyes, hope for a better tomorrow, hope for another chance. When I look at him, I see home.

Notes:

Annnnnnnd trauma chapter. I promise that next chapter is gonna be much nicer, but we gotta get through a little dark before we reach the morning light.

Oh! Also, I have a Blue Sky now! So, if ya ever wanna ask the goober of an author questions, feel free to shoot 'em my way! https://bsky.app/profile/engineer-of-time.bsky.social

Chapter 19: I See Home

       It’d been several hours since I started holding Ray, and I never planned on letting him go. He’d stopped crying a long while ago, but I didn’t care. I’d hold him until the Goddess herself tore me away from him. Even then, I doubt she would. The Goddess understands the need to provide those we care about with deep affection, and my affection for Ray was just that. In fact, it was deeper than anything I’d ever felt before.

 

       I tilted my head down, brushing my mandibles against the crown of his hair. His hair was so soft and fluffy, which I still didn’t fully understand. No matter how hard I tried, I could never wrap my head around how humans had such soft hair in comparison to… well, any other species. However, in particular, I really adored Ray’s hair. It was especially soft, as if I was touching a cloud. It also helped that it smelt of vanilla, which I found to be a particularly intoxicating aroma. I really should have thought more before I let him use my shampoo and conditioner, but, in the heat of the moment, I didn’t. Now he carried my favorite scents, and it suited him. It felt right on him, as if there was nothing else that would even come close. It all made my desire to protect him from harm burn brighter than it ever had before. I would rip apart anyone who even dared to so much as lay a talon on him! I would destroy the skies and set the galaxy ablaze if it meant Ray was safe from harm! I would… I would… Goddess, I need to… why am I so emotional? I’m not normally like this! I’m meant to be cold, analytical, and uncaring. I’ve been that way ever since the war, but Ray… oh, Ray … the sweet human who dropped into my lap. He is… wonderful. He is -

 

       “G-gana?” His soft-spoken words pulled me out of my trance and my eyes looked down to meet his.

 

       “Yes?”

 

       “Y-you’re… uhm…” his eyes wildly flicked to the right and then back to me, and it clicked. Subconsciously, I had taken my left hand and had begun to caress his cheek.

 

       “Oh… OH!” I pulled my hand away from him and placed it on his back, “I-I’m so sorry, Ray. I didn’t mean to -”

 

       “I ain’t say to stop.” Huh, what, huh? His face was still slightly covered in tears, but it didn’t bear any resemblance of sadness. On the contrary, it bore a newfound resilience. He looked confident, so sure of himself. For a moment, I wondered if this was the same Ray that, only four hours ago, had been crying against my shoulder as I serenaded him into a peaceful state.

 

       “I- Ray, are you sure -”

 

       “Gana, please,” he whined, "I need this.”

 

       “Oh… okay…” I raised my hand back to his cheek, running my thumb against his smooth, freckled skin. The whole time, our eyes never broke contact. Our eyes met in this sort of dance, pulling to and fro. His deep hazel danced eagerly with my blue, with neither one of us taking full control. It was a delicate ordeal, and one wrong move would set it asunder and tear the whole thing down. However, that moment never came. Instead, my hand grew boulder, moving from his cheek towards his lips. My talon brushed over them, and a shiver went through my spine. This felt right - right in a way I couldn’t describe. His head in my hand, it just… it felt like we were made for one another. I glided my right hand up his back and ran it through his curly, messy ginger hair - twirling it between my talons.

 

       “Gana,” his voice was sultry as he spoke, and it told me everything I needed to know, “can I ask you a question or two?”

 

       “Most certainly…” I was half paying attention. I was still transfixed on those beautiful lips of his. I wondered how they’d feel pressed against mine.

 

       “Why… why did you call me a wandering soul?”

 

       “In my people’s culture, wandering souls are those who are without connection - without a home. They are adrift in the universe, hoping to find their place.” I raised his face a little closer to mine as my mind ran wild.

 

       “O-okay,” his voice was hazy as he got closer to me, “and… what does ‘ sha’leigh ’ mean?” I wanted to answer him. Truly, I did, but that aching desire to be close to him - to have him pressed against me was taking hold. It had usurped my rational thinking, and it was now driving me closer and closer to him, threatening to bridge the gap between us entirely. Goddess, thank you for sending him to me.

 

       “ Darling~ .” It escaped my throat as a low growl as my lips made contact with his, and it felt electric. Ray’s lips were soft, warm, and impossibly tender against mine. I pulled his body up against mine as our kiss deepened. Despite the differences between us, it didn’t feel awkward or clunky. It felt… right. It was everything I never knew I craved - no, it wasn’t the kiss itself, it was Ray. Ray was… everything. I felt the faintest shiver course through him, and I pulled him closer, as though proximity alone could fuse our very beings. I wanted more than this moment. In actuality, I wanted to feel this again and again and again. I wanted him to be mine, and I wanted to be his. I never thought I would find comfort in the embrace of a human, yet here I was, engaging in something so intimate with a man I had initially felt nothing but annoyance for.

 

       Ray ran his fingers up my chest, gently tracing the outline of my muscles as he slowly slid them around my neck. His fingers traced my forged, and the sensation sent a surge through me. That was an intimate act in my culture, whether Ray knew it or not didn’t matter to me. I wanted him in ways that I couldn’t even begin to describe. I had a hunger in my heart that wouldn’t be satisfied by anyone else but him. I needed -

 

       Ray pulled away from me, red in the face. His tears had faded, and a flustered expression had taken its place.

 

       “I- uhm… wow… that… that was… putain d'enfer .” That last part didn’t translate, but I was okay with it. In a way, it made us even. I had some words that his translator didn’t pick up on, and he had his. “I-... what even was that?”

 

       “That… that is what being found feels like.”

 

       “Found?”

 

       I nodded, my mandibles twitching in amusement, “A wandering soul can only find peace when it discovers its tether - a connection so strong that it grounds them, no matter how far they’ve drifted. This tether can be obtained by finding a home, friends, or -” I pressed my forehead against his, “- someone whose soul brings more to our life. You, Ray, are my tether, and I am yours.”

 

       Ray’s cheeks flushed bright red as he practically threw himself back onto me. His lips met mine once more as I rested my hands firmly against his backside. Boldly, I decided to run my talons under his shirt, tracing his back muscles as I went up and down. Goddess, I knew enough about humans to appreciate every curve, crevice, and valley. He was perfect.

 

       For a moment, I could feel him slip his tongue past my lips. He tasted sweet, like a forbidden nectar kept hidden by the Goddess. Just as quickly as it happened, he pulled away from me.

 

       “Whoa,” Ray spoke breathlessly, “s-sorry, I ain’t sure how far ya wanna -”

 

       I pulled him back against me, cutting him off. I needed to taste that sweetness again. I slid my tongue past his lips, feeling his as I drank in that invigorating nectar. I never knew how badly I could want something until now. I needed him like I needed to breathe. I drank him in, tasting every last bit that I could. He was addicting. My tongue rushed against his in a dance that mirrored the way I stared at him earlier. It was delicate, but now it was full of a passion I never knew I could feel as I drank in more and more of him. His taste was intoxicating, and I could feel myself slowly losing whatever semblance of control I still had. His scent was overpowering, the mixture of vanilla with his natural aroma almost sent me into a frenzy. Goddess, everything about him was sweet. His taste, his scent, his personality - I could drown in it. My talons dug into his back, gripping at his tender flesh. Despite my mind slowly being unraveled, I made a conscious effort to remind myself of how delicate his skin was, and that I had to be gentle. Although, I had a sneaking suspicion that, just like everything else about Ray, he would be more resilient than I expected him to be. 

 

       Ray pulled away from me, panting heavily as he stared into my eyes. There was a fire that burned in them, a fire that I had always heard stories of when I was on Wollom before the war. That fire was a deep seated passion that had finally been let loose, turning it into a frenzy. However, despite that, he had this apprehensive look on his face. 

 

       “O-okay… so… let’s uh… not go any further? At least,” he looked away from me with a shy expression across his face, “not… not for right now. I wanna… take things slow with you. I-is that okay?” His gaze finally met mine, and he looked worried. His eyes were full of uncertainty as he twiddled his finger anxiously. Did he think I would be upset with him for setting boundaries?

 

       “Of course,” I gently ran my hand through his delicate curls, “but, you know, you don’t have to sleep on the couch anymore. You can sleep in my bed, but only if you’d -”

 

       “Fuck yes !” Ray, moving at a speed I could barely comprehend, threw himself under the covers and started getting comfortable. “Ohhhhhh my god! This is so nice and warm!”

 

       I couldn’t help but chuckle, my mandibles flexing as I laughed, “Well, glad you find it comfortable, because -” I planted a kiss on his cheek, “- you’re sleeping with me from now on.”

 

       “Oh, I’d fuckin’ hope so! I’d hate it if I wasn’t allowed to sleep in the same bed as my… boyfriend? Is-is that cool with you? Us bein’… ya know, boyfriends?” His eyes were filled with curiosity, intrigue, and Goddess I loved them.

 

       “Ray,” I couldn’t help but chuckle as I spoke, “you just kissed me in a way only a lover could, yet you ask me if it is okay for us to be boyfriends?” I couldn’t believe he even felt the need to ask. Of course we were! Although, in my culture, we had a different term for it, but I didn’t care. It didn’t matter what we called it, as long as he understood that I was his and he was mine then all was well.

 

       “W-well, when ya put it like that it seems… obvious.”

 

       “Because it is.”

 

       “Hey, it ain’t my fault that humans can do what we just did and still feel no romantic attraction! I had to make sure you felt the same! You… you do feel the same… right?”

 

       “Ray,” I placed my hand to his cheek, “I’m yours and you are mine. Does that clear up any confusion?”

 

       “Hell yes it does!” He was practically brimming with giddy excitement, “Now, c’mere lover boy!” Before I could ask me why he called me ‘lover boy’ - as I thought that was obvious since I am now the lover of a boy - he grabbed me by my collar and pulled me underneath the covers, wrapping his arms around me. “I’m a touch starved idiot who just got a boyfriend, so now it’s your job to cuddle me. ‘Kay?” He had this pleading look in his eyes. How could I say no to that?

 

       “Well, that seems only fair, my… bee residue?” I didn’t know the human term of endearment, but I was at least 93% sure I was close. However, much to my disdain, I could see Ray’s cheeks puff out as he went to hold in a laugh. Ah, so I got it wrong again, great.

 

       “Go ahead,” I had already accepted defeat, “you can -” I couldn’t even finish my sentence before Ray burst out laughing. Despite my annoyance, I had to admit that Ray’s laugh was like candy to my ears. It was sweet, deep, and just so… Ray. It was unique to him, and I doubted anyone else could even remotely match the mountains and valleys of it. It had that all too familiar cajun tinge to it, and I could hear it for the rest of my days.

 

       “Honey,” he finally exclaimed, wiping a tear away from his eye, “it’s honey, not ‘bee residue’!”

 

       “In my defense, that is what honey literally is! You can’t be mad at me for that.”

 

       “Gana, I ain’t mad at ya, just thought it’s funny and… kinda sweet, too.” He looked away from me, a sly smile slowly spreading across his face.

 

       “Well then, honey , how about we both get some rest. I feel like today was… rough, for both of us.”

 

       Ray paused, and a solemn look returned to his face. He still wasn’t entirely over what happened, and I didn’t expect him to be. Killing was never easy, and I wasn’t sure if he’d ever be over it. However, I would do everything I could to help him. No matter how rough the tide, I’d remain right by his side. 

 

       “Yeah… yeah, I read ya loud and clear.” He nuzzled his head into the crook of my neck. I placed a hand to the back of his head, holding him in my arms. “G'night, Gana.” His words were muffled as he spoke.

 

       “Goodnight, Ray.” I placed a gentle kiss on the top of his head. I held him like that for the entire night, feeling him slowly drift off in my arms. Goddess, mother and father were right, you really did plan to send me a man that could break through my cold exterior. Never thought it’d be a human, let alone someone in his situation, but stranger things have happened. Now that I think about it, how would mom and dad react to me being with a human? I knew mom adored humans, often parading how creative they were, but dad never spoke on them. Maybe he was okay with them? There was no way to know for sure. I could always ask - no, terrible idea. Both Ray and I were tied to the death of a council member. Even if Wollom was outside of the Federation's control, I didn't want to step foot on it unless absolutely necessary, and it isn’t exactly worth sending my father an encrypted message just to ask “hey, what do you think about humans?” That’d just be a waste of resources. 

 

       I sighed, turning to look at Ray. His mouth was slightly ajar as he slowly inhaled and exhaled in his deep slumber. I couldn’t help but smile as I stared at him, with one thought racing through my mind. I would stand by his side through whatever lay before us, no matter the costs.

Notes:

:)

Edit: Added some better clarification story wise to the second to last paragraph

Chapter 20: Morality Is Relative

       Heaven. That was the only place I could be right now, because there was no way this was real. It all felt like a dream, one that I hoped never to awaken from. I was in the arms of a man that I held so much admiration and respect for that I could never, will never, and would never put it into words. If I was given all of eternity and all of the languages that have ever and will ever exist, I would still not be able to conjure up a description to properly put into words just how I adore him. Gana was just… perfect. God, I sound so cliché, like a dumb romcom from the early 2000s or some shit. Actually, you know what? I do not give a fuck. I’m allowed to be cliché! I got a boyfriend! An alien boyfriend… wow okay if I had said that back in my time I woulda sounded fuckin’ insane. Actually, would they be more unnerved by that or the gay part? Probably the gay part - how the hell did my train of thought get here?

 

       I snapped back to reality. Gana was still asleep, his arms and legs still firmly wrapped around me. I was like a teddy bear to him. I could feel the slow rise and fall of his chest as he softly breathed. He looked so calm in his sleep. His mandibles laid flush against his face and that permanent scowl that he always wore was relaxed, leaving behind a much more peaceful expression.. It suited him well, I think. I couldn’t help but let a smile slowly spread across my lips. Man, I was lucky to have a guy like him a guy I’d do anything for -

 

       Oh… yeah… that whole thing, the thing I was still… yeah, mhm. The joy that had pooled in my chest evaporated almost immediately as the memories of the day prior flooded back into my mind. The fight, getting kicked across the room, finding the gun, pulling the… all of it. It all hit me like a sack of bricks, with one major thought coursing through my mind.

 

       “You still killed a person, Ray.” A voice taunted me with my reality, holding it over my head like a dark cloud. “No matter what happens now, no matter what you do, this will always be with you.” 

 

       I could feel my anxiety plunge a dagger into my chest, twisting the blade as it uttered each word. The reality of what I’d done hurt like nothing I’d ever experienced before. Sure, I’d killed bugs and stuff, but that was a human being. I made the conscious decision to raise that gun to his head and pull the …. I… I watched the back of his head explode into fucking chunks. I watched the light leave his eyes as he slumped down on top of Gana.

 

       “All of that,” my anxiety continued, “is because of you, Ray. You killed a man, and, even if he was evil, he was still a government official. By killing him, you just made life so much harder for Gana and you.”

 

       That last part hurt the most. I had killed a member of the Federation Council, and there was no way in hell that wouldn’t have consequences. I was almost certain of that. However, that first part didn’t sit right with me, because it wasn’t all true. Yes, I did kill a man, but it wasn’t like I killed him in cold blood.

 

       “No, no. I did what I had to do. If I hadn’t, Gana would have died.” I could feel myself clench my teeth as I responded to my anxiety. “I won’t lose someone I care about again. Not now, not ever again.” Maybe a month ago, this voice would have won. It would have dragged me down into the pit of despair I had once called home, but not now. I've changed since then. I’d made friends, damn good friends. I’d seen the stars and gazed into the vastness of the cosmos. I’d seen the wonders of the infinite expanse of the galaxy, and they were a beauty to behold. I’d witnessed the stars flicker and burn with such intensity that I swear I could feel it resonate within my soul. Most important of all, I’d met Gana. He’d seen me at my worst, yet he still chose to stand by my side. He bore it all and kept soldiering onward. I couldn’t have asked for someone better to give my trust to.

 

       “You don’t know that for certain, Ray. Maybe he could have -”

 

       “Shut up.” I responded with a venom I never knew I had in me. It resonated through my bones, filling me with such a tremendous strength and resolve I swear I could move mountains.

 

       There was a bit of silence after I had responded to my inner anxiety. That silence was comfortable, granting me solace as I bathed in every second of it. However, the silence didn’t last.

 

       “... what?” My anxiety sounded befuddled by my sudden resilience.

 

       “I’m not one for dramatic inner monologues or whatever they're called, so please shut the fuck up.” I wasn’t dealing with this anymore. I was done beating myself up. I was done with self-loathing. I meant something to these people, and that was enough for me.

 

       “No, Ray, because you -”

 

       “Did ya not hear me? I said stop talking. This ain’t a movie or some bullshit where I get to have some dramatic flashback where I remember my trauma. I ain’t doin’ this.” The show was over, and I wasn’t gonna be an actor in it anymore.

 

       “... Ray, you -”

 

       “Did what I had to do to keep Gana safe. I’ll process it later, but now ain’t the time, so, kindly, shut up.” I’m going through shit, sure, but I ain’t gonna need this voice no more. I’m better than that now, and I should start treating myself like it.

 

       “But Ray, you don’t seem to really grasp what you did -”

 

       “Yeah, no. I’m done with this. Constantly hating myself, judging every small thing I do even if it’s entirely valid… it’s so damn exhausting. I’ll grapple with this later, but without any of this self-hatred shit. Now, go away and let me rest in my boyfriend’s arms.” I was done with it. It was my mind, and I’d be damned if I let my anxiety dictate how I feel. I’m better than that.

 

       It took a minute, but the anxiety slowly faded out of my mind as I began to feel that familiar sense of comfort pool in my chest. However, that isn’t the feeling my mind gravitated towards. What I had suddenly become acutely aware of was the lack of worry. For the first time, I felt peace with no strings attached. Nothing was coming to tear it down nor hurt me. I was free of my shackles for the first time in a long while. It felt… bizarre. I was free from prison, but I had no direction to go in - no, actually, yes I fuckin’ do. Got a pretty good direction right now, actually. It’s a big, strong, and, in my humble and totally correct opinion, very handsome man holding me in his arms.

       I nuzzled into the nape of Gana’s neck with a dumb smirk on my face. Anxiety didn’t have shit on me anymore. I finally have a handle on it, and now I don’t have to fight it alone anymore! Ha! Another win for the Space Cowboy himself! Man, I’m gonna be really pissed if I find out there’s another guy called Space Cowboy.

Notes:

Well, boys, we're gonna go on a bit of a comfort chill arc after this chapter (mainly because these goobers need time to process some stuff). Hope y'all enjoy this shorter chapter!

Chapter 21: The Morning After

       Okay … so Gana hasn’t woken up and I literally cannot move. I’ve been awake for… God, how long have I been awake? Definitely no longer than an hour, but no shorter than thirty minutes. See, normally this wouldn’t be an issue. After all, this was probably the most comfortable I’ve ever been in my entire life. However, there’s just one teensy tiny problem. My arm went numb like ten minutes ago and I don’t wanna wake Gana up because that’s definitely, like, so rude and also he’s so cute when he sleeps and I just wanna kiss him but I totally shouldn’t kiss him when he’s asleep because maybe he won’t be cool with that which is totally understand - focus, Ray. My right arm is completely numb and I need to try and move without waking him up.

 

       Slowly, I tried to lift myself off of the bed so I could readjust, but I was immediately faced with yet another big problem. Gana has me practically locked into place, so I can’t move. Maybe I could though, if I just tried - nope. That didn’t work at all. Okay, so, my arm is completely numb and I need to move but can't move. Easy solution, wake him up. Counter argument, he is so fucking cute when he’s asleep. Alternate solution, find another way to move. Perfect.

 

       I tried to move, rotating on to my back slightly. If I could just hit the right angle, then maybe, just maybe, I could free my arm. I rested my back against Gana’s arms, being careful to distribute my weight properly so I didn’t put too much force on them. I propped my left arm against the bedding, and hoped to God that this plan worked. I needed to be careful, I needed to have finesse. However, I got none of that shit, so I just need to be really lucky. Slowly, I began to move my right arm out from under me. The position was slightly uncomfortable, but I could bear it if it meant I got to spend a few more moments curled up next to him. My arm felt like a limp noodle as I slowly pulled it out from underneath me, which I knew meant I was in for that terrible pins and needles sensation later on. Great, coolio. I’m fucked. However, I was very close to getting my arm out. I just need it to go a little further. I was right at the finish line and I was struggling to get it free, but no matter. It was just an issue of a quick pull, and… ha! I got it out! Fuck yeah, now I get to curl up to -

 

       “Good morning, honey.” I practically jumped out of the covers when I heard Gana’s voice next to my left ear. My eyes darted to his, and he had this shit eating grin on his face. His mandibles were twitching with amusement as his face plates shifted to hide his enjoyment of the situation. How long had he been awake? It couldn’t have been for that long! I would have noticed… right? Welp, either way, my plan was a bust. Now I’m just gonna have to kiss him for the rest of the day - actually, yeah that sounds awesome. Why didn’t I just wake him up?

 

       “G’mornin', darlin’.” My voice was deeper in the mornings, and today was no exception. However, Gana never seemed to mind. He actually compared my voice to a… what did he call it? He compared it to the feeling of Thorssa. Apparently, that’s some sort of drink that Routh’s have on special occasions. He described it as a mixture between coffee and whiskey yet insisted that it was delicious. Yeah, imma be the judge of that, sunshine.

 

       He leaned in and planted a kiss on my forehead, which totally didn’t make me weak to my core. Definitely not, because I’m stronger willed than - ah, fuck it. I’m obsessed with him. I was wrapped around this man’s talon in ways that I doubted any sane person would approve of. Did I care though? Nope, because I’m head over heels for this man.

 

       He raised his hand to my face and gently stroked my cheek, “Sorry,” he warmly chuckled as he spoke, “I didn’t mean to startle you. How did you sleep?” 

 

       I stretched my arms and - ow, okay that’s the pins and needles sensation, “Mmmmmm, pretty damn well.” I tried to hide how uncomfortable I was as my arm started to wake up, but I was failing miserably. I accidently moved it, causing me to grit my teeth.

 

       “Something wrong?”

 

       “Nah, my arm just fell asleep is all. It’ll be uncomfortable for a minute, but I’ll be fine. Sure as shit beats getting kicked in the ribs.” I said as the previous day’s events flashed through my mind. Note to self, politicians in the future have the strength of senator Armstrong - for some reason - so try not to fuck with them.

 

       “I suppose it does,” Gana gave me another gentle kiss on the forehead. “Actually, I had been meaning to ask, how does your chest feel?”

 

       “Sore like a motherfucker, but I’ll live.” I could barely feel it right now, but I had the sinking feeling that sitting up would make me acutely aware of it. Aka, it would hurt like hell, so I needed to be ready for that.

 

       “Well,” Gana sat up, “since we’re both up, I’m going to go ahead and take my shower. You can have it after me.” He got out of bed and started to saunter towards the bathroom. Oh… oh . Okay, so, several simultaneous deviant thoughts are currently running through my brain… several. However, I pushed them down for now. After all, I wanted to go into this whole thing slowly, and I wasn’t gonna let a couple of stray thoughts break that. Still, they were fun to entertain.

 

       Gana entered the bathroom, closing the door shut behind him. It wasn’t long before I heard the shower start up. Cool, so that meant that I was alone for the next twenty or so minutes until he’s done. Great… so what the heck am I gonna do? I looked around the room, desperately searching for something I could use to occupy myself. However, I just kept drawing blanks. His terminal was locked by a password I didn’t know, so that was out. I didn’t wanna touch his tablet out of respect for his privacy. I definitely couldn’t workout on account of my whole fucking body being in agony. Well, shit. I really and truly was left with nothing to do.

 

       I laid my head back against the pillow, letting out a deep sigh. I was just gonna be bored until Gana got out of the shower, I guess. I ran my hand through my messy hair, attempting to get a couple of the strands out of my face. Man, this was just perfect -

 

       A knock on the main door drew my attention away from my present boredom, “Yo, Gana, Ray, can I talk to you two for a minute?” I recognized that voice immediately. Rovloc.

 

       I went to stand up, but was nearly immobilized by the soreness that panged through my chest. It was damn near incapacitating, but I wouldn’t be me if I let some pain stop me. I shakily rose to my feet before sauntering over to the door. I opened it to see Rovloc in his usual attire with a look of surprise on his face.

 

       “Oh…” he looked into the room, doing a quick scan, “sorry if I sound unenthusiastic, I was just hoping Gana would be the one to open the door. Not gonna lie -” he walked past me into the room, “- I was hoping it was him just so I could mess with ‘em.” Rovloc sat down on the couch, immediately making himself at home before I could so much as get a word in edgewise.

 

       “Well, you can still mess with him. He’s just in the shower.” I said with a chuckle as I walked over to the bed, slowly sitting myself down. However, despite my precautions, I couldn’t help but wince in pain.

 

       “... that bad, huh?” I looked up to see that Rovloc’s cheerful demeanor had dropped, and a more serious one had taken its place.

 

       “Yeah… it coulda been worse though.” I ran my fingers over the spot that ached the most, being careful not to apply any pressure. If I so much as slightly pressed too hard then I’d be in for a world of pain.

 

       “... Ray… I hate to pull this on you, but I got to.” He leaned forward, resting his hands on his knees. “No one besides you or Gana knows what happened. One minute, you’re walking off the ship with mister grumpy and the next you’re back in pure shock and he’s got blood on him - human blood.”

 

       “Yeah… yeah I guess that was weird, huh?” I awkwardly chuckled as I spoke, trying to draw attention away from how serious everything was. However, Rovloc must have had experience with this, because he didn’t so much as acknowledge my comment before continuing.

 

       “Look, I’m not gonna pretend like I’m unaware of the situation. I knew that the Federation was bad news and that going onto the Space Dock was a bad idea, but that’s it.” He sighed, rubbing the sides of his temples. “I’m missing like half of the frickin’ puzzle here, Ray. You gotta fill me in on the rest.”

 

       A pit formed in my stomach. Fill him in? That would mean I’d have to tell him about what happened… what I did. I doubted he would think less of me for it, but I still didn’t want to say it out loud. Saying it would make it real, and, as long as I didn’t, I could deny it.

 

       “... I’m sure Gana will -”

 

       “Ray, in what universe does Gana, aka mister ‘grrr I’m so dark and mysterious and angry’, tell ME what happened?” His tone was firm as he spoke, making his intentions clear. He wasn’t gonna let me wiggle my way out of this conversation. I was gonna have to tell him what happened.

 

       “Look, Rovloc, I understand ya wanna know what happened, but -”

 

       “Nuh uh! No buts on this one. You’re injured, he was covered in blood. I’m not… what’s the guy's name from your human literary work? Sherlock… Sherlock something or other, but I can put two and two together. Something bad went down back there.” He stood up and walked to the middle of the room, looking down at me. “Ray, what happened?” He was applying pressure to get me to talk… and I understood why. From his perspective, the usual happy-go-lucky guy went damn near catatonic and he just wanted to know why. He wasn’t being mean or anything, he was just a man in search of answers.

 

       I sighed, “Okay! Okay, I’ll tell ya what happened, but please go sit back down on the couch. I don’t like -”

 

       Before I could finish, he threw his hands up, “Don’t gotta explain yourself, my man. I gotcha.” He sat back down on the couch, returning to a more relaxed position. “Now, tell me, what happened?”

 

       I told him everything, from the weird white hallways to Gana finding blood behind the reception desk, and, lastly, me shooting council member Eustace Pierce. It all just kept coming out of me, like the dam had finally burst open and I couldn’t plug the holes fast enough. Finally admitting to what I’d done hurt in a way I couldn’t even begin to express. I couldn’t run from it anymore, couldn’t hide. I was face to face with reality, and I’d never been more scared. However, I couldn’t let that fear win. I pushed it down beneath a thin wall, and sauntered on with the story. Throughout the whole retelling, Rovloc didn’t so much as flinch. He never spoke, never so much as breathed in a way that indicated his opinion on it. He was impossible to read, and that didn’t make me feel any better. He could completely despise me for what I’d done and I would be none the wiser!

 

       When I finally finished, he just stared at me, unblinking. I was fidgeting like crazy as my nerves drove me wild. I was waiting with bated breath for him to speak.

 

       He titled his head, “Ray,” his voice was softer than I expected it to be, “I just gotta ask, have you ever… killed anyone before?” I shook my head.

 

       “Well, if it’s any consolation, you’re handing this a helluva lot better than most do.” There was a kind of calm to his voice. It carried each word he uttered with a level of certainty that I hadn’t seen before outside of Gana. “Look, Ray, I’m not gonna sit here and tell you that it’s gonna be okay or that you’re gonna get over it because it’s what you need to hear -”

 

       “Oh, yeah. That’s exactly what I wanna hear right now -”

 

       “Bud, I’m not finished.” He cleared his throat. “As I was saying, I’m not gonna sit here and tell you that because it’s what you need to hear. I’ll sit here and tell you it because I know ya well enough to say you’re one tough bastard. You’re not gonna let this thing kick you in the balls. You’re gonna stand up and fight, because that’s what you do best.”

 

       “But, Rovloc, I don’t know if I -”

 

       “Bull-fuckity-shit Ray. I know you know you can. You told me about your dad, and you dealt with him for, what, 23 years? You’re still standing. If you can get over that,” he let a gentle smile fall across his face, “then you can get over anything.”

 

       Man, I needed to make a mental note to go to Rovloc for inspiration quotes because holy hell that was good. I didn’t even feel worried anymore. I still felt terrible about what I did, but it wasn’t crippling anymore. I felt like I could fight it now, and that there was no chance it would best me. Combine that with the fact that I have recently got my anxiety in check, and I’m golden!

 

       I smiled, “Thanks, Rovloc.” I rose to my feet, ignoring the searing pain in my chest as I walked over to him, pulling him into a hug.

 

       “Nah, don’t go getting all sappy on me. Can’t be having that, now can we? Plus, it kinda ruins my whole goofy demeanor. I mean, come on, I got a persona to uphold here bud!” I relinquished my grip on him as I carefully made my way back to the bed. I got under the covers before turning to face Rovloc once more.

 

       “I will be as sappy as I please, Rovloc. I think I’d earn the right to it by now.” I couldn’t help but let out a soft laugh.

 

       “Yeah, you’d think.” His smile was wide as he began to rise to his feet. “Anyways, I think I’ve taken up enough of your time. I’ll be seeing ya, Ray.” He made his way towards the door. However, as he stood in the entrance, he stopped. “Oh yeah, and good luck with dating Gana. Not sure how the hell you managed to break his cold icy heart or whatever, but good on you.”

 

       My face turned a deep shade of crimson as my mouth went agape. How did he know? I hadn’t mentioned it, had I? We had literally just started dating last night! How?!

 

       “H-how did you -”

 

       He raised a hand to silence me, that same wide grin still present on his face, “A magician never reveals their secrets, my friend. I wish the two of you the best though.” With that, Rovloc turned tail and walked out of the room, letting the door shut behind him. 

 

       Once again, I was alone with the quiet, but that wasn’t a bad thing this time. I looked at the clock, and found myself surprised to learn that the conversation had only taken around eight minutes. That left me with plenty of time to be bored once again, but I was okay with being bored. I wasn’t trying to distract myself anymore. I wasn’t running from it. I could sit comfortably in the silence and allow myself to find enjoyment in nothing.

Notes:

Howdy guys, gals, and nonbinary pals! I'm about to go on a break from college, and thought, "Hey, why not give my favorite readers a chapter?" I hath deemed it so, and therefore it exists!

I hope you guys are enjoying this as much as me! As always, I'll see ya on the flip side!

Chapter 22: Just What I Need

       It's been 2 days since my talk with Rovloc, and boy those two days have been filled with a whole lot of laying down and resting. Turns out, when your entire, and I mean entire , midsection is sore you are basically rendered immobile. Well, that’s not entirely true, but Gana was certainly acting like it was. If I so much as moved one nanometer, he’d freak out and tell me that I needed every single second of bedrest I could get. As sweet as he was for that, which is very, it was incredibly boring just sitting in bed all day. However, the highlights were whenever Gana brought me food from the cafeteria. He’d always ask what I wanted beforehand, and I always responded with “surprise me”. I wanted to see all the wonders that these new alien cultures had to provide, and, to be frank, they were pretty freakin’ awesome. There was this one dish called poltovim, some kinda spicy squid thingy, and oh Lord I have never moaned with ecstasy while eating food until then. It was sweet and spicy in all the right ways, and the texture was just so damn juicy. Weirdly enough, it kinda reminded me of a better version of boudin. I loved every second of it, but not as much as I loved seeing Gana walk in with the food.

 

       He’d come in with a warm smile and a glimmer in his eyes as he laid the food down in front of me before giving me the most tender kiss I’ve ever had in my life. He’d sit with me as I ate, talking about life back on his planet, Wollom, or about his family. I learned a lot about him. I learned that he was an only child, his mother adored humans, and he started doing this whole mercenary thing about five years ago. That last one still kinda baffles me. Like, how can you get shot at for five years straight and go “yeah, I chose the right career path”? I think I’d quit after the first week. I ain’t really built for that sort of thing, but Gana disagrees. He says I’m naturally talented with guns and have the physical skill necessary to become a mercenary. Tempting offer, but I think I’ll pass. I like my limbs as they are, thank you very much! Besides that, these conversations just made me realize how much he’s done a lot for someone who’s only 26 years old.

 

       These conversations weren’t one-sided either! He’d ask me stuff about my upbringing as well, and I chose to focus on the good stories. After all, I’d hate to bring down the mood by talking about one of the many stories of my dad being an asshole, so focusing on the positives was the better option. I’d talk about how sweet my mom was, mention a few football stories here and there, and even bring up how I used to be able to sing when I was younger. I technically still could, but it wasn’t anywhere near good. Gana didn’t believe me for a second though, and, every chance he got, he tried to get me to sing a song from my time. I mean, the man did research . He went digging to find songs from my time that I could sing. When I say this man is sweet, I mean it. He would come in with a few country songs - I’m pretty sure Rovloc had given him some pointers - and he’d play them in the hopes I would sing along. I never did, but it was nice seeing Gana’s reaction to the songs I used to listen to. When he first started playing them, he would only look at me, but I could slowly see him pulled in by the grace of the music. He was transfixed by it, and it was a beautiful thing to see. Sometimes, if he was really into it, he would slowly start to sway with the beat. It made me wish I was better already so I could stand up and slow dance with him.

 

       However, none of this compared to when, at the end of each day, Gana came back to the room. He would always be exhausted, eyes slightly droopy from all the work he did, and he’d get into bed with me, eagerly wrapping his arms around me. He’d give me a gentle kiss on the neck before burying himself into the crook of my shoulder. I could feel his mandibles twitch as he got situated against me, and it was like ecstasy. He was warm, so warm. As he’d drift off to sleep, he’d kind of start… purring? That’s the only sound comparison I have, but, whatever it was, it was sweet on my ears. Correction, Gana as a whole was sweet. Downright adorable, even.

 

       Just like the previous two days, I started today off in bed, with Gana already up and ready. He was putting on his green bomber jacket, zipping it up as he ran a free hand over his forged.

 

       “You know,” I started, leaning up against the backboard of the bed, “I reckon your forged’ll look stunnin’ no matter how you wear it.”

 

       “Maybe so,” he looked over at me, a soft smile spreading across his face, “but I have the strangest feeling that you might be a bit biased in your assessment.” He walked over to my side, leaning over to run his right hand through my hair, making my already messy hair even more frazzled.

 

       “What?” I feigned shock as I raised a hand to my chest, clutching my imaginary pearls, “Me? Biased? No! Never! I don’t even know the meaning of the word!” I teased as I spoke, grabbing his hand from my hair and gently planting a kiss on his wrist. “You know, maybe I’ll believe you if ya let me out of bed?”

 

       “Hmmm, let me think about that,” he raised a hand to his chin, pretending to mull over his options before looking me square in my eyes, “no.”

 

       “Oh, c’mon!” I sat up, a small amount of pain shooting through my chest, “I’m not in that much pain! I can still walk around and do stuff!” I wasn’t sure how much truth there was to what I said even as the words left my mouth. All I knew for certain was that I was slowly losing it being cooped up inside of this room for the past few days. To hell with my pain, I needed to walk around! I needed to be free!

 

       “Maybe, maybe not,” his voice was soft and sweet as he spoke. God, surely he knew how weak I was for him, right? “but you should get some rest, Ray. I’d hate to take a risk that resulted in your condition worsening.” He grabbed the nearby chair and pulled it over towards the side of the bed, plopping down on it so he could be closer to my level. He still wasn’t anywhere close, since this man was over seven feet tall, but the gesture was nice.

 

       “All I’ve done for the past few days has been rest.” I lamented, some frustration beginning to show in my voice, “I need to get my legs moving before I go insane!” I would be lying if I said being stuck in this room for several hours a day all alone wasn’t slowly getting to me. I’m a social butterfly, so being alone for long periods of time is my literal hell. Not like Gana knew that, since I never told him. In my defense, I didn’t wanna make him feel bad the first day he did it, so I kept my mouth shut. However, it was definitely way too late to bring it up now. Man, I’m really good at digging myself into a hole and then praying I find a way out.

 

       “Ray, honey, sha’leigh , you need to rest -”

 

       “Nope!” I shot up, trying to force myself out of bed, “I have free will! Imma get outta this bed and -” Before I could finish talking, I felt Gana’s hands on my arms. I tried to fight against him, but his grip was iron. I couldn’t wiggle out of it. He gently laid me back down in bed, tucking me back under the covers.

 

       “You were saying?” His reply was smug, and I could hear the grin on his face before I even looked at him. Ughhhh! Why’s he gotta ruin my fun?! Stupid Gana caring about my wellbeing and being nice to me. Who does he think he is?! My boyfriend - oh. Well… hm… nevermind then. I suppose he wins this entirely internal battle that I’m having right now.

 

       “I- you- ughhh, fine! I’ll stay in bed, but -” I took his hand in mine, “- under one condition! You, mister workaholic, stay in bed with me today!”

 

       Gana looked slightly taken aback, as if I had just asked him to defy some greater will. I expected this from him. Throughout the time I’ve spent with Gana, ever since day one, he’d always been devoted to his work. Hell, he’d even do work when there was nothing to do! He’d literally make a new job for himself! One time he started cleaning the floor of the ship because there was literally nothing else to do! If I’m being forced to take a break, so should he. 

 

       “Ray, sweetheart, I need to work. I have to… well, I don’t know what I have to do yet -”

 

       “Because you don’t have anything to do! You recalibrated the navigation systems, you refueled the thrusters, and you helped meal prep for fucks sake!” I threw my hands up in the air to fully send the point home. Gana needed to take a break just as much as me. I swear, if the galaxy suddenly became perfect and no more work needed to be done, he’d still find something to work on. He was just that stubborn. Jokes on him though, because I can be even worse.

 

       “Well, yes,” he raised his left hand to his neck, rubbing it awkwardly, “but those things needed to be done! I’m sure that -”

 

       “Gana,” I gently interrupted him, making sure to maintain my gaze with his, “remind me, what’s your job again?”

 

       “My job is whatever the crew of the Malikis needs it to be.” He shyly looked away from my gaze, which told me everything I needed to know. He was lying. Turns out, Gana is a terrible liar. I found that out when I played poker with him, Rovloc, and Captain Penelope. I also found out that Rovloc was stupidly good at lying. Cost me a couple of credits, which is the new form of money in the future… which is just fuckin dumb. Like, what was wrong with dollars?! I mean, seriously, why does everything - focus, Ray!

 

       “WRONG! Your job is to be a hired gun and extra muscle! You told me that yourself a day or two after we first met!” I’d caught him in his lie. Now, I just had to wait until he relented and fell back into my arms, which is where that man should be every waking hour of every single day. 

 

       “Well - I-... uh… you see, Ray… I -” He couldn’t get a single word out, stammering over himself the longer I stayed silent. I considered just leaving him like that, stuttering and failing to get a word out. However, that’d just be cruel, and what kinda boyfriend would do that? Especially when you consider that Gana is just the most handsomest man in the whole galaxy. If anyone disagrees, I will fight them.

 

       “Uh-huh. Now, if you’re done fighting a decent day’s rest, you should come join me.” I pulled back the covers and scooted over, making room for him. “Plus, to sweeten the deal, we can kiss as much as you -” 

 

       He was in the bed before I could even finish my sentence, his lips pressed against mine in a way that just made me melt. Note to self, kisses do work as bribes on Gana. His lips felt so good against mine, and I couldn’t help but think about how I must feel so soft in comparison to him. Not to say his skin was rough, but it was just… different. It was a more solid texture in comparison to human skin. Not that I minded. In all actuality, I fuckin’ loved it. It just felt so right against mine.

 

       I cupped the side of his face, my fingers tracing up and down his mandible as I let out a soft groan. I felt his hand go to my back as he pulled me closer, my body flush against his. I could feel the heat radiating off of him, slowly enveloping me in his warmth. It was like I was cuddling up to a big, strong, handsome as fuck heater. Hell, even through his clothing, I could feel the rhythmic beating of his heart against my own. For just a moment, I could swear our hearts were in sync, as if we were one. The room around us slowly turned into nothing, becoming nothing more than a mesh of colors and lights. The only real thing that existed was Gana and me, with his touch being the only sensation that my mind could process.

 

       His hand hungrily slid underneath my shirt, and I felt his talons eagerly trace the outline of my muscles. God, a part of me just wished he’d rip off my shirt already. I wanted him to do that to my whole body. I wanted him to glide his talons over every nook and cranny my body had to offer. I craved that so badly. My mouth was watering at the mere thought of his touch on my chest, gently gliding downwards. I wanted to do the same to him, but, preferably, I’d be on my knees.

 

       I could feel his tongue slip past my lips, and… putain … I missed this taste. He tastes like a spicy cinnamon, and I was drunk on it. Another fun little tidbit I found out when I first kissed him was that his tongue was long… like, really long. He wasn’t using all of it when he kissed me, probably making sure he didn’t choke me. However, if he really wanted to, he could just slide it down my throat. Funny thing about that is, I’d let him. I’d let him do all that and so much more. I know I’d said I wanted to take it slow with him, but if he asked me to take off my clothes right now, I’d do it so fast that I might break the limits of how fast the human body can move. After that, I’d let him do a lot of things to me. I’d let him touch me, bite me, fuck - OH MY GOD ! I need to calm down!

 

       I could feel my face burn as I was surely adopting a new shade of red. I needed to get a better wrangle on my emotions! Also, Gana would never ask me to do that! He’s incredibly respectful, and he wouldn’t make a move like that unless I initiated it! I’d asked to take things slow, and he respected that! He’s a gentleman!

 

       Gana slowly pulled away from me, his tongue leaving a trail of saliva between the two of us. I looked into his eyes, and they were full of deep-seated desire that I could tell had been boiling for a while. He pressed his forehead against mine, quietly panting. Lord, is this what temptation feels like? If so, then I’m gonna give in to it. He was like my small pocket of heaven. His touch was that of an angel, soft, delicate, and perfect on my skin. His voice was of the sirens, gently calling to me, but there was no danger waiting at the end of it. It was the promised land that I'd heard about so much in church. He was my sanctuary, my safe haven from the chaos that lay outside of this room. He was my altar to worship, to pray to. He was my galaxy, my stars that normally would lay twinkling just beyond my reach. However, here he was, right here in front of me and he was mine, all mine. That sentiment went both ways too! I’d be all his for the rest of time. Fuck… mon dieu … okay, if he asks, I’m throwing my clothes off. Final verdict on that!

 

       “By the Goddess, Ray…” he practically groaned out through gritted teeth, “... I love you… so much.” Oh… oh. Those words just felt like magic to my ears. I could feel myself start to lose whatever remaining control I had. My desire for him was almost primal.

 

       “ Je t'aime aussi, mon cher .” The words were sultry as they rolled off of my tongue. I gave him a soft peck on the cheek, making sure to place another on his mandible. Turns out, Rouths are sensitive there, and I totally wasn’t gonna exploit that. Nope. Not a chance.

 

       Gana let out a soft groan as he slowly raised his free hand to the back of my hand, gently grabbing ahold of my hair. Not sure why he was being gentle, because right now every part of me was practically begging for him to be rough. He could dig those pretty talons of his into my skin, puncturing it. He could leave bite marks all over my body, leaving not one spot untouched. He could leave me begging for more, a whimpering mess beneath his touch. He could render me numb to any feeling beyond pleasure, and I would be content with that. After all, I trusted him more than anyone in my entire life. I knew that if things got even slightly too far, he’d jump to make sure I was okay.

 

       “I don’t know what you said,” he growled, “but those words sound so good on your lips.” He relinquished his grip on my hair and brought his hand to my face, his talons gently tracing the outline of my lips. They lightly poked at my skin, and I was weak in an instant. Fuck me sideways, I needed him spiritually. Physically ain’t enough anymore!

 

       Gana looked at me for a moment, “Ray… are you… are you sure this is what you want?” His voice was delicate, barely above a whisper. However, I could feel the hinge of desire perpetuated through every single word he uttered.

 

       “Fuck yes.” That was all the encouragement that he needed as he moved his head towards my neck, gently nibbling my skin. It was enough to bring a moan out of my throat, and that encouraged him. He glided his tongue along the nape of my neck, and god it was doing things to me that I didn’t even know could be done. My mind was hazing over as I subconsciously started taking off my shirt - owowowOWOW FUCK! 

 

       I winced in pain as I gripped my midsection. Huh, throughout all of that I had nearly forgotten about how sore I was. Damnit!

 

       “Are you alright?” Gana’s hand was on mine before I could so much as respond. His eyes dashed between my own and my midsection. He looked worried, as if he was the reason I was experiencing pain. Oh, this sweet man.

 

       “Y-yeah, I’m fine. I’m still sore, remember? That’s all.” I chuckled awkwardly as I slowly felt the moment between us fade. Damn you soreness!

 

       “Well,” Gana spoke up, “I’ll make sure to keep you away from ludicrously strong politicians in the future.” He chuckled as he spoke, a gentle, soft, caressing chuckle that was candy to my ears. It almost made me forget the fact that I was literally getting cockblocked by soreness. Actually, in the weirdest roundabout way possible, I’m getting cockblocked by a politician. Great, fuckin’ great! I’m sore and just lost my chance - goddamnit Ray! Pay attention to the conversation!

 

       “Yeah, just in case other politicians are that jacked… wait, other politicians aren’t that strong, right?” It amazed me how he and I could go from sexy time to casual conversation so fast, but also it just felt right. After all, I loved everything about him, so I loved talking to him just as much as I would love for him to - focus, Ray.

 

       Gana let out a hearty laugh as he got under the covers next to me, “No, not normally. I believe Eustace was a… special case. To be honest, I’m unsure as to exactly how he was that strong.”

 

       “I know right?! He looked like some regular joe-schmo politician, and then he went full steroid strength!”

 

       “... Ray,” Gana had a look of pure confusion on his face, “I love you, but your human colloquialisms aren’t making sense to me.”

 

       “I’ll explain it later, but, to summarize, he looked like a normal guy then turned around and had crazy strength.” It really wasn’t clicking for me, and I doubted it would. I’d only been in the future - nope, it’s the present now… gotta get used to that - for like, a month tops, so there was almost zero chance I would be able to explain it. The best explanation I had was steroids, but that would mean he would’ve at least looked jacked. He ain’t even look like that! He looked like a twink! 

 

       I turned to Gana, who also adorned a puzzled expression on his face. I nearly said something before I realized that he was really deep in thought. I could tell he was trying to piece it all together, but that it just wasn’t clicking for him. Whenever he got like this, I tended to just let his train of thought run its course. After all, I made the mistake of interrupting captain Penelope’s once… never again.

 

       “It just… doesn’t make any sense. He shouldn’t have been able to overpower me at all. I should have been stronger, faster, smarter than him.” I could tell a small part of him blamed himself for everything that had happened, but it really wasn’t his fault. I doubt he would believe me if I told him that, so I tried a different approach.

 

       “Have they called for our heads yet? I reckon they used our best angles for the wanted posters!” The shift in conversation clearly gave Gana some whiplash. That stern look in his face was immediately usurped by surprise mixed with just a dash of befuddlement. Good, as long as it stopped him from degrading himself for doing nothing wrong.

 

       “Actually,” he placed a hand to his chin, “I haven’t heard anything. Nothing mentioning you or me… or even the fact that the Eustace died.” Huh, wait, what? Okay, maybe I could barely see a reason not to name drop me, but why not mention the fact that a major politician just died?!

 

       “Huh… that’s… really weird.” Okay, seriously, why had they not said anything?! If a politician this high profile was killed back in my time there would be a whole fuss about it, but this guy dies and not a word of it is mentioned for two whole days?! Nah, something fishy is going on here. However, I really didn’t wanna think about this right now. The implications were… a lot. I could see that Gana was, once again, deep in thought. His eyes were blankly staring at a nearby wall, not really focusing on any specific detail of it.

 

       “Hey, Gana,” I gently rested my hand on his, interlocking our fingers to try and bring him back to the moment at hand, “we aren’t gonna get anywhere on this today. I reckon we should just, and hear me out, kiss each other and cuddle for the rest of the day.”

       “That… sounds very nice actually.” Gana carefully pulled me flush against him, placing a soft kiss on my lips. Moments like this reminded me that he really did think of me as more than just some piece of eye candy. I was someone he liked talking to, someone he likes spending time with. I mean, I know he does, but it’s still kind of baffling to me. It’s like, pretty much every gay guy I could find back in Lafayette was only looking for hookups - mainly because gay dating in that town was so fuckin’ far from a good idea, but still. It kinda dissuaded me from thinking a guy would ever see me as more than just… well… someone to sleep with. Gana was showing me that I would always be more than that to him, and that made me happy. He really is just what I need.

Notes:

Howdy folks! So, just a little heads up, ya boy has finals and a bunch of other bonkers stuff coming up! I plan on taking a break (whether or not I stick to it is to be determined) so expect updates after December 13th ish. Don't worry! I'm not gonna drop this story! I love my boys just as much as y'all do, but college is gonna be my main focus for a few days!

As always, keep your chin up and keep moving forward! From your chaos driven writer, Engineer Of Time.

Chapter 23: Tu Es Tout Pour Moi

Notes:

Y'ALL THOUGHT I WOULD REALLY TAKE A FULL BREAK?! Nah, we do HALF breaks around here!

       It took another two fucking days before I could finally, FINALLY walk again! Gotta say, being bed bound is a bitch and a half to deal with. Like, sure, all my needs are catered to by my lovely boyfriend, but holy shit I wanna move so bad! I wanna metaphorically frolic through a metaphorical field and feel the metaphorical wind in my… well, my hair isn’t metaphorical. My hair’s actually pretty damn real, at least last I checked. God, if I go bald someday, I’m gonna be pretty pissed! I really like my - okay, how the hell did I not realize I had ADHD before Gana gave me my psych eval? Because, now that I’m aware of it, it seems pretty damn obvious. I mean, seriously, I can’t stay focused to save my life!

 

       Anyways! I swear, one more day in bed and I woulda started taking morphine just to walk again. Fuck whatever addiction it woulda given me, it would be worth it to just use my legs again! Not even sure if they still have morphine in this day and age, but I’d make some just to prove my point. Do I know how to make it? Nope! However, I’m nothing if not a driven man, most definitely a dumb one, but still driven. Thankfully, God granted me some mercy, so I can finally use my legs. However, despite me walking around the room three times and showing no signs of extreme pain, Gana is still skeptical.

 

       “Are you sure you’re fine?” His eyes were filled with worry as he hesitantly watched me.

 

       “Gana, as you can see -” I motioned to my midsection, “- I ain’t writhing in agony. I reckon I’m fine.” I felt next to no pain, aside from the occasional twinge in my chest, which was so small that it was entirely negligible. I was more than well enough to start doing stuff again.

 

       “In fact -” I did a few jumping jacks to prove my point, which made Gana look like he was about to have a heart attack, “- I’m perfectly fine!” It hurt slightly, but, once again, negligible.

 

       “Okay,” Gana spoke with a slight bit of reluctance in his voice as he looked me up and down, “just be careful not to over-exert yourself.” His mandibles twitched with worry.

 

       I chuckled, “Trust me, after bein’ bedridden for a few days, I ain’t in a rush to get hurt.” I spun on my feet as I talked, twirling to and fro. Man, I missed moving without any sort of crippling pain! God, this was amazing!

 

       Gana just watched me with rigid shoulders. He looked like he was ready to catch me and put me back into bed the moment I so much as breathed in pain. I wish I could say he was doing this without a good reason, but the day prior I had tried to pretend I was fine when, in reality, I was still in a substantial amount of pain. I took like three good steps before I gripped my chest, resulting in me being bedridden for the rest of the day.

 

       “I- are you sure moving like that doesn’t cause you any sort of pain?” He watched me as I moved, his eyes never faltering away from me for even a second.

 

       “Yeah! Actually,” I stopped my movement, returning to a more relaxed stance as I stretched my arms, “I feel pretty damn good!” I felt like I could go run a mile and still have energy left over to get a good workout in. I was starting to feel unstoppable! Well, aside from that small twinge of pain of course.

 

       Gana finally started to relax, “Well, alright, but you should still try to be careful, okay?” His voice was endearing, carrying this tone of love and affection on every word. It made me feel warm all the way to my core, which aided in my sudden abundance of energy. He walked over to me and ran his fingers along my cheek, slowly tracing the outline of my cheekbones and jaw.

 

       “How could I say no when ya asked me oh so nicely?” I leaned into his touch, placing my hand on his. His warmth felt so good against my skin. It eased my mind, relaxed my body, and soothed my soul. I leaned in and let his lips meet mine for just a moment.

 

       “Good,” he sighed, letting out some tension that I didn’t know he was holding, “because I’m not exactly in a hurry to have you injured. I mean, do you realize how hard you are to care for?”

 

       “C’monnnn,” I relinquished my grip on his hand and sat down in the nearby chair, “I can’t have been that ba-”

 

       “Ray, you tried to stand up multiple times only to keel over in so much pain that I’d have to carry you back into bed.” He crossed his arms as he stared at me, a triumphant smirk adorning his face.

 

       Well, shit, he’s got me there. Although, some of those attempts were maybe just a bit intentional just so he’d pick me up in those strong arms of his. I mean, can you blame me? I’m a simple man who likes simple things, such as, but not limited to, being picked up by my strong boyfriend… oh god I sound like a young adult novel character. Okay, ignoring that frankly terrifying revelation, I gotta come up with a witty comeback to Gana.

 

       “Well,” I was drawing blanks, but I had to say something, “I was just being a lil adventurous!”... really? Out of all the possible combinations of words I could have strung together, that piss poor comeback is what I get? Stupid brain giving me stupid-

 

       “Adventurous? Really?” Gana’s expression was solid in disbelief as his mandibles went slack against his jaw.

 

       “Yeah! Aint’ nothin’ wrong with wantin’ a lil adventure!” Man, I should not be doubling down on this, but I got no choice. I mean, I do , but that involves admitting defeat, which is something I will never do.

 

       “There’s wanting ‘adventure’ and then there’s ‘putting yourself at risk of further injury’. You seemed to be doing the latter over the former.” He chuckled as he spoke, crossing his arms once he finished talking. He had this air of confidence around him, one that indicated that he’d known he already won and he was just waiting for me to relent. Funny, cause I ain’t hear no bell.

 

       “Psssh, I was never at risk of injury!” I waved my hand at him, shooing away the notion, “C’mon, I’m a professional! I knew what I was doing!”

 

       “Professional? Really? So being carried back to bed while you profusely apologized to me for getting out of bed is being a ‘professional’?”

 

       “I never said that bein’ a professional meant I was free from makin’ mistakes!” I allowed a sly grin to fall across my face as I talked, letting him know that I wasn’t gonna back down from this. I intended to win, no matter how shitty or bad my stance was!

 

       “Uh-huh, sure. Assuming I buy any portion of this, which I don’t, why didn’t you just, oh, I don’t know, stop once you realized how much pain you were in? You would actively tell me you were fine while you doubled over in pain.” Huh, well shit, he’d got me there. Okay, quick rebuttal time!

 

       “Because… reasons.” Smooth one, Ray. Reeeeaal smooooth.

 

       “Because reasons?” He chuckled as he repeated it, his mandibles twitching in tandem. He shook his head from side to side, “Really?”

 

       “Yes,” I said affirmatively, cocking my head to one side, “because reasons.” I repeated it with a confident grin. This would be the hill I died on, and I was more than happy with that.

 

       He eyed me up and down, slowly shaking his head, “Ray, you might be the most stubborn man I’ve met.”

 

       I was about to retaliate with some half-cocked comment, but then it hit me all at once. Like a flashbang to my mind that shunned all other thoughts into the background and forced me to gaze into the blinding light. The light of a memory. A memory that I thought I had long since forgotten.

 

       “Ma!” I whined, “I’m fine! It’s just a bruise!” I was on the sidelines after a particularly nasty hit took me out of the game. I held my arm in pain as she applied some bandages. It hurt like crazy, but I ain’t gonna act like it. I’m fifteen now! I’m old enough to be brave when I get hurt, so that means big painful injuries like this don’t bother me anymore!

 

       “Young man, this is more than just a bruise.” She made a tsk sound as she ran her fingers over my injury, clearly not buying my story. She eyed the wound in a way only a mother could, with that look of “who hurt my baby?!” combined with a healthy dose of worry. I hope she never meets the defender that landed the hit on me, because she’d yell at them 'til kingdom come.

 

       “Ma, really, it’s par for the course for football.” These were the risks that came with playing running back, and I knew that when I signed up, “I can still go out and -”

 

       “Raymond Jay Cortez,” oh boy, her using my full name meant I shouldn’t’ve said that, “you ain't gonna be doin' anything until this is healed!”

 

       I wanted to argue, but then I saw the tired look on her face. She had massive bags under her eyes, which meant that her and dad had been arguing last night. She didn’t get a wink of sleep, did she? I looked into the stands and, yup, didn’t see my dad anywhere. That means he didn’t drive her here, which meant that she walked all the way straight from work to watch me play. The fight in me died, so I shut my mouth. The last thing I wanted to do was cause her more problems.

 

       She let out a long exasperated sigh, “I swear, Ray, you gotta be the most stubborn man I’ve met.”

 

       “Ray… Ray?” Gana was closer to me, waving his hand in front of my face, “You alright?”

 

       I came crashing back to reality to see Gana looking at me with worry. His eyes were filled to the brim with concern as he lowered himself to be eye level with me. A rush of emotions bombarded me, but I needed to keep my cool. I took a deep breath of air in an attempt to calm myself down. I wouldn’t make this his problem. This was my emotional baggage, and I refused to make it his issue.

 

       “Uh… yeah… I’m -” the words got caught in my throat as the memory of my mother hit me like a train, “- yeah. I’m good.” I awkwardly chuckled as I tried to ignore the growing feeling of unease that was slowly rising in my chest.

 

       “You know,” Gana took a step towards me, placing his hand softly on my shoulder, “if anything is wrong, you can talk to me. I’ll always be here to listen.” His words were endearing to my ears, washing a sense of calm over my mind. I slowly looked up at him, meeting those beautiful blue eyes of his.

 

       “I… I can’t.” I tore myself away from his gaze, choosing to stare at my shoes. I couldn’t look at him like this. I was on the verge of tears. Fuck, this felt like the first day I slept here all over again. That stupid fucking dream made me cry my eyes out while Gana held me, and this just felt like a repeat of that. I wouldn’t be weak in front of him again. He’s seen me cry too many times. I can’t -

 

       “You can’t, or you don’t want to?” He tilted my head up with his talon to meet his gaze once more. There was no way he couldn’t see the tears in my eyes. Damnit! I can’t cry again! Not again! I’m stronger than that!

 

       “I… I…” Fuck! Just say anything! Speak! Be normal! Don’t falter now! You can’t cry in front of him again! You can’t!

 

       I tried to look away again, but Gana, once again, tilted my head back to face him. Not even in a forceful way, in a way that was… soft.

 

       “Ray,” his voice was cool and smooth as he spoke, “it’s okay.”

 

       “I… I don’t…” A part of me wanted to tell him, but the words weren’t coming out. The other half of me was fighting it, forcing myself to attempt to hide how I was feeling. After all, I’d already cried to him enough for a lifetime. I cried the day I met him, and the next day first thing in the morning after that stupid dream! That stupid dream! Lord, are you testing me? Are you trying to see how far you can push me to test my resolve? I’ve been tested enough in my life! Please, grant me grace and bless me with peace! I… I can’t take it anymore.

 

       He sighed, “I won’t fight you on this, but I want you to know that we’re a team. I’m always going to be here for you, no matter how dark the hour may be.” Through the tears I was fighting to hold in, I saw him. My gentle ray of sunshine, plowing through the darkness that surrounded me. Fuck… what am I doing? I’m willingly surrounding myself in this… shell! This husk to encase the pain on the inside! Why… why am I doing this to myself? What the hell am I doing?

 

       “I -” I croaked out, “...okay… okay…” I needed to tell him the pain I was going through. I needed to tell how much pain I felt the moment I remembered my mother’s face. The moment I remember her kind voice, the way she’d always make sure I was okay, and how I just… ran. I made a decision that would haunt me for the rest of my life, and the worst part is I was never gonna be able to tell her just how sorry I was. I couldn’t fall to my knees and cry to her, begging her to forgive her selfish son. I could only sob at the memory of how I left her, and that I never got to say goodbye.

 

       “Take your time, it’s okay.” He sat down on the edge of the bed, “I’m not going anywhere.”

 

       I took a shaky breath, trying to regain some of my composure. It wasn’t easy, every time I went to speak I just… couldn’t, but Gana wasn’t becoming impatient. He’d stay next to me with that gentle smile of his as he rubbed my shoulder. His eyes were a ray of comfort to me, my oasis in the dry desert. I’m not gonna say that I couldn’t have calmed down on my own, but I’d be lying if I said Gana didn’t help. He made it all just so… easy.

 

       “I just… I’m not…” Come on, just push a little further, “I’m not over leaving my mother… and I don’t think I ever will be.” I finally heaved the words from my throat with whatever remaining resolve I had, and it felt like a weight had been taken off of my shoulders. I wasn’t free of sin, but the admission of my guilt out loud felt… nice. I doubted I’d ever be over my decision - my mistake to leave, but that wasn’t the focus right now. I looked at Gana as I fought back the tears, one or two managing to break free and stream down my cheek. I could feel my lip quiver as my strength slowly faltered.

 

       “Oh, Ray,” his words were soft, like a warm hug on my soul. I could feel the tears slowly stream down my face as my charge to hold them back failed, their warmth leaving streaks down my cheeks as I slowly began to sob. The guilt I felt over what I’d done… I could never make it right. It didn’t matter if I changed and did everything right from this moment onward, nothing I did would bring her back. She’s gone. The one person who I wanted to say sorry to more than anything is gone and I would never get a chance to rectify it.

 

       Gana pulled me into a hug as the tears slowly fell down my face, his clothing muffling my sobs.

 

       “Sshhhh, it’s okay,” he ran his hand over the back of my head, “it’s okay. I’m right here. I’m not going anywhere.” His words cut through the white noise in my mind, providing me a light to crawl out of the darkness. I hung onto that light like my life depended on it. He kissed the top of my head as he ran his hands over my back, gently shushing me.

 

       “T-thank you, Gana… thank you.” That was all I could get out between my sobs and wails of tears.

 

       “Never thank me for providing you with the love you deserve, sha’leigh .” He gently patted my back as I wrapped my arms around him, pressing myself as hard as I could against his shirt.

 

       I wanted to tell him how much he meant to me, how I saw him as my galaxy, my infinite blue expanse full of mystical wonder and beauty. I wanted to tell him that he burned brighter than the biggest stars in the universe. I wanted to tell him that he was as fascinating as the infinite stretch of space that lies just beyond our reach. I wanted to tell him all of that and so much more, but I could only muster up so many words in between my stifled cries.

 

       “ Tu es tout pour moi ...” The rest of the words were lost to the cacophony of sobs and cries that clawed their way from my esophagus and out into the still air. My soul wasn’t done, it demanded my proclamation of love be stated to the heavens so God may hear just how devoted I am to this man, but my body was unwilling. The heavens would wait, for my humanity was showing.

 

       He continued to soothe me until I could feel a fatigue I didn’t know I had slowly begin to take me. It didn’t matter that it was only 1 pm, my body made it feel like it was midnight and I was coming off of a caffeine crash. I could slowly feel the blackness of sleep encroach upon my vision as Gana laid me down in bed, tucking me beneath the covers. I wanted to protest, to fight against the raging storm of sleep that was encompassing me, but I couldn’t. Just like before with my words, my humanity was showing, so the soul’s desires came secondary to the will of my body. I could feel my eyes start to get heavy as the rest of my body succumbed to the nagging call of sleep. The only thing my mind managed to register was Gana staying by my side as I drifted down into sleep like a leaf slowly falling from a tree. He ran his warm talons along my cheek as he leaned in close.

 

       “Rest easy, my love.” Gana gave me a soft kiss on the cheek, which was the final touch my soul needed to relent, semi-satisfied with the result. With my soul at ease, my body gave out, as my eyes closed and the blankness of sleep overtook me.

Notes:

I hope you guys like this chapter! The plot will be, once again, plotting next chapter as we get this show back on the road. Also, shoutout to @garodetective (also goes by @monsterchow) on tumblr for giving me feedback and drawing my goobers! The art is still in progress, but I'll let y'all know when they finish it! For now, go follow them! This is not a request, it is a demand. Here's the link to their page! https://www.tumblr.com/monsterchow

As always, have a wonderful day my dear readers!

Chapter 24: Homeward Bound

       I watched Ray as he slept. I know I didn’t have to, as he would likely be fine, yet I did it anyway. As some humans say, I was like his guard dog, ensuring no trouble came his way while he rested. Although, I feel like I would be a bad one, as I couldn’t seem to pry my eyes away from him no matter how hard I tried.

 

       The words he said before he went to bed kept ringing through my mind. I had no idea he blamed himself for what happened to his mother. It wasn’t his fault. After all, he had no way of knowing that he would be frozen for 155 years. He was only told it would be one year! By the Goddess, I do not care if those who are responsible for hurting him are dead, I will find a way to harm them for all the pain they have caused him! He has lost everything and everyone he had ever held dear, yet he still finds a way to put a smile on his face. He still finds time to crack jokes and brighten the days of those around him. How can a man who’s been through so much still be so kind?

 

       That question kept repeating my mind as I watched him sleep. Maybe he had some kind of mental preparation for this sort of thing? Impossible, he mentioned his family was poor, so he likely didn’t receive any kind of therapy. Perhaps he was hiding how he was feeling? Unlikely, he had been fairly open until today, which is likely due to his mother being a very sensitive subject. No matter how hard I wracked my brain, I couldn’t come up with anything. No one explanation explained how one man could go through so much yet find a way to come out of it with the ability to smile, laugh, and… love. The way he treated me despite me being so foreign to him… the way he loved me, cared about me… I’ve never seen anything like it. His smile was as if the Goddess herself graced my being, providing me with a taste of the joys of what has been and what will be. His love was warmer than anything I’ve ever experienced. It was all encompassing, not leaving one aspect of my being untouched.

 

The reality of how Ray could do this hit me all at once. Ray was just… like this. He wasn’t like this due to some intense mental training to ensure he could handle the worst the galaxy had to offer. He hadn’t been given the luxury of professional help to build up strong barriers to keep himself stable. Goddess, this is just how he was. He’d take each blow in stride, releasing his emotions in the moment and carry onward. I… how?!

 

       I stared at him, marveling over his star-like freckles and his dazzling ginger hair. He is… unlike anyone I’d ever met, let alone any human. He is special in a way that I couldn’t even begin to formulate. He was incalculable, unfathomable. He is… Ray.

 

       A gentle knock on the door got my attention, causing me to rise from my place next to Ray. I sauntered towards the door, slowly opening it to find captain Penelope on the other side. She had her black hair done up in a ponytail, and she was wearing her usual tank top with black sweatpants. She attempted to look past me into the room.

 

       “Hey Gana,” her voice was as chipper as ever, which honestly was welcome, “I was just wondering if Ray was finally well enough to… well… I still need to hear his side of what happened on the Space Dock.” She looked slightly on edge as she asked the question. I didn’t blame her, the last time she asked was the day after it happened, and I was not gonna let that happen. I may have acted rashly and yelled at her to leave until he was better, which was… out of character for me. Then again, I’ve not been the, as Rovloc puts it, “usual grumpy Routh” that I once was ever since Ray showed up. Not that I’m complaining, since I’m starting to think that this new me fits… better. Maybe it was always a part of me but I had no reason to show it. In truth, I may never know.

 

       “Ray’s asleep at the moment, so you’ll have to wait.” My tone was flat as I spoke to her. I truly did regret yelling at her, as she was my superior and paid me well. She didn’t deserve that, and I wanted to rectify that if I could.

 

       “Oh! Alright,” she ran a hand over the back of her neck, “well, uhm, you know… god I suck at this. I need you to come down to the bridge. This whole incident with the Federation means we gotta… change our plans around a bit.” She twiddled her fingers as she spoke, but she maintained eye contact with me. She may not show it, but she’s much more confident than she lets on. However, at this moment, it was faltering slightly. That left a few possibilities as to why. Perhaps the deviation from schedule was so drastic that it took her off-guard? Actually… yeah, that’s probably it.

 

       I looked back at Ray, who was still sound asleep, “I don’t want to leave him alone for long.” He looked so still, so calm, like the outside world was nothing more than myth.

 

       “It won’t take long! I promise!” Her tone was affirmative and self-assured, and she was only like this if she was absolutely certain of something. I could trust her word. After all, she hadn’t steered me wrong thus far.

 

       “Alright,” I stepped out into the hallway, allowing the door to shut behind me, “lead the way, captain.”

 

—————————————————————

 

       The bridge was mostly quiet, which was shocking considering most of the crew was there. However, the only one I actually cared to know the name of was Rovloc, who was sitting between two humans that I never bothered to speak to. He looked as stoic as ever, but, due to everything that’s happened, I'd found that it was impossible to truly discern how he was feeling. I took a seat up by the front, closest to captain Penelope. The air in the room was different than usual. There was this gentle touch of unease accompanied by a stout resolve. I couldn’t place exactly why, but I had a feeling I would find out soon enough. No reason to theory craft when the answer shall reveal itself in due time.

 

       Captain Penelope stood in front of us, standing with her back straight and her hands pressed together, “Alright, so -” she started to pace as she spoke, “- as we know, Ray and Gana’s trip to the Federation Space council went… poorly.” I could feel one or two people stare daggers into me, but I didn’t care. The situation was out of our hands, and we acted to the best of our ability. If they had a problem with that, then they’d do their best to keep it to themselves. If I catch wind that so much as one person tells Ray off for what he did, then they’ll be spending a couple of days in the med-bay.

 

       “So, with all of that happening, and with the media for some reason not reporting on the council member’s death, it’s safe to say that we aren’t safe in Federation space.” She turned to face the room, a slightly sad expression on her face, “I know it may seem ridiculous, but we can’t take any risks considering 1) how we found Ray, 2) that whole incident in the Federation Space Dock, and 3) the fact that the Dothrekar are most certainly involved and are definitely still looking for him.” She sighed, rubbing her fingers on the bridge of her nose, “We need to go to a planet outside of Federation space for a while.”

 

       “Bullshit!” Some random human woman three seats behind me shouted, causing me to turn to face her. She had this deep brown hair and these greyish eyes. She was wearing some standard attire for the ship, “Why do we have to change all of our plans because some fossil killed a council member?!” She was like a viper, speaking with a poison that I never knew humans could possess.

 

       “Because, Valerie, he’s a member of the crew, and we help out our own.” Captain Penelope’s voice was stern as she spoke, leaving no room for rebuttal, “Unless, of course, you have some brilliant idea that none of us have considered?” I’ll give the captain credit, she was good at keeping a wrangle on the crew. Goddess, she had even managed to wrangle me into submission a few times. However, I found that she generally disliked being mean to others, and preferred the kinder approach if she could. This situation did not require kindness.

 

       “I-... I just…” she flattered over her words, “why do we have to stop our work just because he made a bad decision?!”

 

       “He saved my life, Valerie,” I chimed in, “Are you saying saving me was a bad decision?” I growled as I stared at her, causing her to flinch. My mandibles twitched ever so slightly as I spoke, but I was doing my best to keep them under control.

 

       “I- no!” She quickly corrected, “No! That’s not what I’m saying!” A mean scowl slowly drew itself upon her face, “I just… Why don’t we just dump him off somewhere? Some random planet and let the Federation handle him? We’d wash our hands clean of this whole thing!”

 

       I stood up so fast that the chair I was sitting in fell back and slammed against the floor, “We will not be doing that!” I yelled, a deep guttural growl permeating through each word. My mandibles were twitching in anger. Valerie was a damn viper, and I wasn’t gonna let her so much as suggest something so horrid! What ground did she have to stand on to believe herself worthy of dictating the life of another? I clenched my fists, rage running through my veins. Now this was the me I was used to.

 

       “Oh shut up, Gana!” She crossed her arms, “We all know you’re only sticking up for Ray because you’re sleeping with him -”

 

       “Valerie!” Penelope slammed her hands on the console, “That is enough! If you talk out of turn one more time I will not hesitate to enforce disciplinary action!” I turned to face captain Penelope, and she was seething with anger. Her jaw was clenched and, for the briefest moment, I saw her hands ball into a fist. Her cheeks were starting to become red as her anger began to seep out of her. 

 

       Valerie didn’t respond, instead opting to break her eye contact with me, slowly slinking back down into her seat. I grabbed my chair and sat it upright once more, planting myself down into it before returning my gaze back to captain Penelope.

 

       Captain Penelope let out a sigh, “As I was saying ,” she continued, rubbing her eyelids with her fingers, “we need to get out of Federation space for a while. Now, there are very few planets that are outside of Federation space that we can make it to without needing to refuel, let alone ones that are habitable.” She stopped pacing, leaning against the main console of the ship, “Now, does anyone have any ideas on places we could go?”

 

       The room fell silent as everyone racked their brains for a potential solution. Well, everyone except for Rovloc, who was intent upon staring at me. Why was he staring at me like I knew something that no one else did? Was he - oh, right. We could go to Wollom. While I wasn't the biggest fan of the idea, I recognized that we had nowhere else to go. The crew was desperate, and I've seen what desperation can do to people. If going to Wollom circumvented that, then it was worth it.

 

       I arose from my chair, “We could go to my home planet, Wollom.” From the corner of my eye, I saw Rovloc sport a small grin on his face, “The people on the planet are generally anti-Federation.”

 

       There were some quiet murmurs around the room. I couldn’t make out most of the words, but, from what I could decipher, the general consensus was that it was a good idea. The majority of the planet didn’t hold anything against Skulths or Humans, so there was next to no risk of facing any sort of discrimination. I turned my attention back to the captain, who was staring at me with deep contemplation.

 

       “Hmmm,” she brought her hand to her chin, “do you know anyone that would be willing to help the crew with housing?” Her tone was considerate as she stared at me, awaiting my response.

 

       “Yes,” several names came to mind, many of which I served in the military with, “I know several people who are more than willing to provide aid, housing, and other necessary accommodations.” The anger in my voice had almost completely vanished… almost . I wasn’t going to forgive Valerie for her comments, but I could hide it… for now.

 

       Captain Penelope slowly nodded, mulling over the options in her head, “That handles the crew, but what about Ray specifically? Can you handle Ray’s housing?” 

 

       “Certainly,” I already know where he will be staying , “I’ll see what I can do.” The picturesque cabin that my family owns a little ways away from the main house would be perfect. Him and I could stay there while we occasionally went to see my family - oh… oh. Ray’s gonna have to meet my family. For Rouths, it’s normal for someone to meet their partner's family a day or two after the relationship has begun. However, from overhearing some occasional conversation between my crewmates, I knew that it was very out of the ordinary for humans. I really hope that doesn’t make Ray uncomfortable. My mandibles fluttered as this worry began to seep through me.

 

       She gave me a slow nod before turning back to the rest of the crew, “Alright, plot a course for Wollom! Gana, start calling in those favors! I wanna get this sorted before we so much as see the planet!” With that, everyone arose from their seats, quickly moving to their stations. I started to make my way back to my quarters to access my terminal, but stopped when I felt a hand on my shoulder. I turned to find the source, seeing Rovloc standing right behind me.

 

       “Man,” he started with a slight chuckle, “I’ve never seen you so angry before! I mean, I’ve been trying to get a rise out of you like that ever since I met you only to be bested by some run of the mill generic mean girl!” He raised a hand to his chest, “You wound me so, Gana.”

 

       “Yeah,” I scoffed, “well, as much as you annoyed me, you would never dare to do what she did.”

 

       “‘Suppose you’re right about that.” He crossed his arms as he stared at her from across the room. He let out a small sigh, “She’s got some nerve saying that stuff about him after all he’s been through.” His voice was mostly calm, but I knew him well enough to know that he was annoyed. There was just the faintest hint of agitation betwixt his words that gave everything he said an underlying tone of disdain. Valerie’s words about Ray had genuinely upset him.

 

       “She doesn’t know when to keep her damn opinions to herself.” I growled as I turned back to face Rovloc.

 

       “You can say that again, and again, and… well it kinda applies to anything she has ever said, really.” He uncrossed his arms, letting a more stern expression take center stage on his face, “Well, you got a job to do and I got mine -” he spun on his feet and started walking towards his console, “- catch ya around, Gana.”

 

       I gave him a quick nod as I started to make my way back to my quarters. I had a lot of people that I needed to talk to before we touched down on Wollom, and I didn’t have a lot of time to do it. Here’s hoping my secure channels were still up, because, if they weren’t, then there was no way I could do this in time.

Notes:

I'm free from college (for a while)! You know what that means??? I get to write these goobers some more!

Chapter 25: Calling In A Favor

Notes:

Trying out a new format (it likely won't be used too often, so if it's not that great dw).

Secure Chat Log Opened

(17:34 FST)

 

Gana Sor (17:34 FST) : Hey, Modok, are you able to talk?

 

Modok Pol (17:36 FST): Gana! What’s going on my man?! I haven’t spoken to you in over a year! How’s life going?

 

Gana Sor (17:36 FST) : It is going well. I have a sha’leigh now. Are you in a location where you can text freely?

 

Modok Pol (17:37 FST) : WAIT WHAT?! Back up there! You got a sha’leigh?! Since when?!

 

Gana Sor (17:37 FST) : Four days ago, but that is not relevant.

 

Modok Pol (17:37 FST) : It isn’t relevant?! By the Goddess, you can’t just send me that and expect me to just go “okay Gana, that is totally something I expected out of you”!

 

Gana Sor (17:37 FST) : … why do you say that like you weren’t expecting it?

 

Modok Pol (17:38 FST) : Gana, with all the love in my heart, you have zero social skills. You’re expertises consists of intimidation and being damn good with a rifle. That’s it.

 

Gana Sor (17:38 FST) : Well, still, surely you expected me to find someone at some point.

 

Gana Sor (17:38 FST) : Right?

 

Modok Pol (17:38 FST) : Anyways! Who’s the lucky Routh? Knowing you, he’s probably tall, mysterious, and handsome.

 

Gana Sor (17:38 FST) : He’s a human.

 

Modok Pol (17:39 FST) : I’M SORRY WHAT?!

 

Gana Sor (17:39 FST) : He’s a human.

 

Modok Pol (17:39 FST): I KNOW WHAT YOU SAID! You don’t gotta repeat it!

 

Gana Sor (17:39 FST): Then what is the issue? I thought you didn’t have a problem with humans?

 

Modok Pol (17:39 FST) : I don’t! Humans are pretty damn cool and a lot more nimble than us, so I got a lot of respect for them! I just never saw you as the type to date a human.

 

Gana Sor (17:40 FST) : What gave you that impression?

 

Modok Pol (17:40 FST) : Buddy, the better question is what DIDN’T give me that impression.

 

Gana Sor (17:40 FST) : Did you think I hated humans?

 

Modok Pol (17:40 FST) : What?! No! You were just a mean bastard to everyone, and I firmly believed that no sane person from any other species besides Rouths would even consider dating you.

 

Gana Sor (17:40 FST) : Ouch.

 

Modok Pol (17:41 FST) : Sorry, that was rude. I just never saw it happening, let alone with a human.

 

Modok Pol (17:41 FST): So, what’s he like? Is he as grumpy as you? Because if he is, then may the Goddess have mercy on us all.

 

Gana Sor (17:41 FST) : No, he’s actually very sweet. He might be the nicest person I’ve ever met.

 

Modok Pol (17:41 FST) : Sorry, what? You’re telling me that you, Gana Sor (aka the grumpiest meanest bastard I ever did meet), managed to get with a literal ray of sunshine?

 

Gana Sor (17:41 FST) : I suppose you can put it like that, and, yes, he is an adorable bundle of joy to be around.

 

Modok Pol (17:42 FST) : Nothing in this galaxy makes sense anymore.

 

Gana Sor (17:42 FST) : I’m inclined to agree. Ever since I met Ray, I’ve started to change.

 

Modok Pol (17:42 FST) : The hell does that mean?

 

Gana Sor (17:42 FST) : I’m nowhere near as mean as I used to be, at least when I’m around him.

 

Gana Sor (17:47 FST) : Hello? Are you still there?

 

Modok Pol (17:47 FST) : Sorry, just had to double, triple, and quadruple check that I read that right.

 

Gana Sor (17:47 FST) : Oh come on! It’s not that big of a deal.

 

Modok Pol (17:47 FST) : Gana, I’ve not seen you be nice once since we left the military. Not. Once. Now, what, you meet some human and now you have this magical never before seen thing called kindness?!

 

Gana Sor (17:47 FST) : It’s not magical, although I initially considered the possibility. Ray’s energy is just… infectious.

 

Modok Pol (17:48 FST) : Jeez, is the sex that good?

 

Gana Sor (17:48 FST) : What?!

 

Modok Pol (17:48 FST) : Listen, if I knew all it took to wipe that scowl off of your face was to get you to cum, I would’ve taken one for the team and done it because holy shit you were insufferable.

 

Gana Sor (17:48 FST) : IT IS NOT SEX!

 

Modok Pol (17:48 FST) : Suuuuuuurrrrrreee.

 

Gana Sor (17:48 FST) : By the Goddess, I swear it is not!

 

Modok Pol (17:48 FST) : Okay, so maybe it’s not the MAIN reason, but it’s definitely A reason. Right?

 

Gana Sor (17:49 FST) : No! We haven’t even had sexual intercourse!

 

Modok Pol (17:49 FST) : Okay, so 1) don’t call it that, just say sex like a normal person, and 2) you haven’t?

 

Gana Sor (17:49 FST) : No, we have not. We came close once, but we didn’t do anything.

 

Modok Pol (17:50 FST) : Gana, I hate you so much right now.

 

Gana Sor (17:50 FST) : Why?

 

Modok Pol (17:50 FST) : Envy. 

 

Modok Pol (17:50 FST) : Humans are some of the best physical partners in the galaxy and you just don’t even do anything with that?!

 

Gana Sor (17:50 FST) : It isn’t about that with him. I could spend the rest of my days not experiencing that with him and I would be satisfied because the love we share is enough. 

 

Gana Sor (17:50 FST) : Romance is far more important than some animalistic desires.

 

Modok Pol (17:51 FST) : Okay okay, jeez. 

 

Modok Pol (17:51 FST) : Anyways, I know you well enough to know that you didn’t reach out to talk about your love life. What do you want?

 

Gana Sor (17:52 FST) : Do you remember when I pulled you out of that forest while plasma rounds ripped through branches that were centimeters above my head?

 

Modok Pol (17:52 FST) : Yeah, you saved my life. Why? Text me just to gloat about that and having a human sha’leigh?

 

Gana Sor (17:52 FST) : Do you remember that you said you owed me for that?

 

Modok Pol (17:52 FST) : Yeah, why?

 

Gana Sor (17:52 FST) : Do you still own that large motel off by the coast?

 

Modok Pol (17:53 FST) : I don’t like where this is going.

 

Gana Sor (17:53 FST) : I have around 32 people that need housing accommodations.

 

Modok Pol (17:53 FST) : … I hate you so much.

 

Modok Pol (17:53 FST) : For how long?

 

Gana Sor (17:53 FST) : No longer than a month and a half, but it will likely be under that.

 

Modok Pol (17:54 FST) : Once again, I hate you so much.

 

Gana Sor (17:54 FST) : Thank you so much, Modok. I appreciate it.

 

Modok Pol (17:54 FST) : Yeah yeah, love you too buddy.

 

Modok Pol (17:54 FST) : Wait, before you go, what’s his name?

 

Gana Sor (17:54 FST) : ?

 

Modok Pol (17:54 FST) : Your sha’leigh. 

 

Modok Pol (17:55 FST) : What’s his name?

 

Gana Sor (17:55 FST) : Ray.

 

Modok Pol (17:55 FST) : Huh, then I guess him being a “Ray” of sunshine makes sense.

 

Secure Chat Log Closed

(17:55 FST)

 

       I leaned back against my chair, taking a moment to stretch my arms. Well, that conversation was longer than I thought it was going to be. Then again, Modok always was a chatty one. Probably didn’t help that I mentioned having a sha’leigh , but I felt it was necessary. He did ask how my life was going, after all.

 

       I glanced over my shoulder at Ray. He was still sound asleep, and he looked so… pretty. Correction, he was downright adorable. My mandibles fluttered softly as a loving smile spread across my face. I love Ray so much, and I needed to make sure he knew just how much I adored him.

 

       I looked at the time and, with a stark realization, found that I actually had more time left than I thought I did. We would be touching down planetside in roughly forty-five minutes. I sighed, gently rubbing a hand over my face. I knew what I needed to do, but I really wasn’t sure if it was a good idea. After all, I’d been against it four days ago, but times had changed. I’m going back home, so it’s either I say nothing and hope for the best, which is very rude, or I send a message now and confront it. Normally, I’d make the decision with ease, but anything that involved Ray forced me to take extra time to weigh the options. I never wanted to make a decision that could negatively affect him.

 

       I mulled over the choices, carefully measuring them against one another. On one hand, saying nothing puts off the potential consequences and could force me to rely on shock value to hopefully negate a more negative reaction. However, the consequences could be far more dire. On the other hand, saying something now would just prevent that whole conundrum. However, that didn’t guarantee a positive reaction. I sat on these two decisions for a few minutes before my mind finally landed on a choice. 

 

       With a deep breath, I went down into my contacts, and opened up a chat log.

Notes:

Oh yea, folks! Now that I'm done with college I'm going back to pre-finals writing output (Aka I've had these chapters in my drafts for a hot minute)! Also, ignore that eventual smut tag don't even worry about it! I totally didn't cave once I realized I had to write smut!

As always, I hope y'all have had a wonderful day!

From your uberly gay author, Engineer of Time.

Chapter 26: Hey, Mom

Secure Chat Log Opened

(18:02 FST)

 

Gana Sor (18:02 FST) : Hey mom.

 

Lulmon Sor (18:02 FST) : Hello honey! How’s my baby doing?

 

Gana Sor (18:02 FST) : I’m doing pretty well, mom. How about you?

 

Lulmon Sor (18:02 FST) : Oh, just great honey! Your father and I just had dinner together! He made this Skulth dish called Op’nokt, and I swear it must be from the Goddess herself! It was so tasty!

 

Gana Sor (18:03 FST) : I’ve actually had that before on the Malikis! A crew member named Rovloc made it for us once! It was pretty good if memory serves me well!

 

Lulmon Sor (18:03 FST) : Well, that’s wonderful to hear Gana, but I thought you and Rovloc didn’t get along?

 

Gana Sor (18:03 FST) : Eh, we’re better now. I’ve come around on him.

 

Lulmon Sor (18:03 FST) : About time! I swear Gana, I was starting to get worried about you! It didn’t sound like you had any friends on that ship.

 

Gana Sor (18:04 FST) : Well, I can say I have more than that now.

 

Lulmon Sor (18:04 FST): Really? Oh, honey, that’s such a relief to hear!

 

Lulmon Sor (18:04 FST) : Speaking of the Malikis, when are you gonna get off that rinky dinky ship and come say hello to your mother? Your father and I worry about you, young man!

 

Gana Sor (18:04 FST) : Actually, that’s what I wanted to tell you about. I’m gonna be back on Wollom for an extended period of time and wanted to let you know I was coming.

 

Lulmon Sor (18:04 FST) : My baby’s coming home! Thank you Goddess! Your father’s gonna be so happy to hear this!

 

Gana Sor (18:04 FST) : Actually, mom, there’s something else I need to tell you.

 

Lulmom Sor (18:04 FST) : Oh, what’s wrong Gana? Are the rest of the crew giving you a hard time?

 

Gana Sor (18:05 FST) : Nothing more than usual, mom. It’s something else.

 

Lulmom Sor (18:05 FST) : Well, go on and say it! This suspense isn’t good for us old people!

 

Gana Sor (18:05 FST) : I’m gonna be bringing my sha’leigh with me.

 

Lulmon Sor (18:05 FST) : Gana Altrus Sor, you had a sha’leigh and you didn’t tell your father and me?!

 

Gana Sor (18:05 FST) : In my defense, we’ve only been dating for four days, mom. I didn’t see a reason to.

 

Lulmon Sor (18:05 FST) : Four days is plenty of time! Your father introduced me to his family the day we got together!

 

Gana Sor (18:06 FST) : Mom, I promise you this situation is very different from you and dad.

 

Lulmon Sor (18:06 FST) : Oh, and why is that? What reason could you possibly have to not tell your own parents?!

 

Gana Sor (18:06 FST) : Because my partner isn’t a Routh! He’s a human!

 

Gana Sor (18:10 FST) : Mom?

 

Lulmon Sor (18:10 FST) : Son, I have never been more proud of you.

 

Lulmon Sor (18:10 FST) : I positively adore humans! I love how they see the stars, nature, life, death, all of it! Their minds are so fascinating, and my son captured the heart of one! I’m a proud mother!

 

Gana Sor (18:10 FST) : Happy to hear, mom. What about dad?

 

Lulmon Sor (18:11 FST) : I haven’t told him yet, but I will once we’re done talking! You must tell me more about him! What’s his name? Where’s he from? How did you two meet? Is he nice? What’s his favorite book? Has he treated you well? Have you cooked for him yet? Has he cooked for you? 

 

Gana Sor (18:11 FST) : Mother, that is too many questions to answer with the little time I have. I’m gonna touch down planetside in about 10-20 minutes, so you can meet him then.

 

Lulmon Sor (18:11 FST) : Gana Altrus Sor, you will at least tell your mother his name! I raised you better than that!

 

Gana Sor (18:11 FST) : His name is Raymond Jay Cortez, but he prefers to be called Ray.

 

Lulmon Sor (18:12 FST) : What a beautiful name, and it’s oh so human too! Goddess, I’m overjoyed to meet this “Ray”!

 

Gana Sor (18:12 FST) : I’m sure he’ll be excited to meet you too, mom!

Gana Sor (18:13 FST) : I have to go, but I’ll see you soon! I love you!

 

Lulmon Sor (18:13 FST) : I love you too, baby!

 

Secure Chat Log Closed

(18:14 FST)

 

       I let out a sigh of relief as I closed the chat log. I knew mom liked humans, but it was good to know that she was okay with me dating one. I’m not sure why I even considered the possibility that she wouldn’t, but you can never be too careful. The only unknown variable was dad, and I’m okay with finding out his reaction when we get there. I’m just hoping for the best with him, because I genuinely don’t know how he feels about this. He could be overjoyed, disappointed, or neutral, and each emotion seemed as plausible as the other.

 

       However, one thing’s for certain, I can’t just sit here and think about every possible outcome. That doesn’t change anything. I need to wake Ray up so we can both pack up our things and get situated before we touch down on Wollom. Not like he has much besides his clothes, but I’ll change that once we get down on Wollom. I’ll get him some traditional Routh clothing, which would definitely look stunning on his muscular figure. The thought of him wearing traditional formal attire brought a flush of blue to my face and forced me to shake the image out of my head. By the Goddess, I have fallen for this man so terribly. I need to focus on the task at hand! I can’t let my mind wander, no matter how wonderful that wandering may feel. 

 

       Carrying on with my original list of tasks, I need to get him a tablet as soon as possible so I have a way to communicate with him when I, inevitably, have to go out on errands. Him not having one on the ship was fine since I could easily reach him in person. However, Wollom is a planet, and we’re going to be in one of the main coastal cities. It will be substantially harder to get ahold of him if he does not have a tablet.

 

       Once my mind had gone over the necessary to-do list, I took a glance at Ray once more. I stared at his sleeping form, trying to internalize this still moment of peace that he’s in. This would be the first planet he’d ever set foot on besides Earth, and I hope he sees its beauty the same way I do.

Notes:

Wassup wassup folks! We'll be back to Ray's POV next chapter! Hope y'all enjoy this short chapter before we go back to longer ones!

ALSO YA BOY GOT ART OF GANA AND RAY AAAAAAA

Link for the art ->; https://www.tumblr.com/center-for-drawing-control/769852736947814400/thank-you-bestie?source=share

By the way, the art is now in the story! It's back in chapter 8, sooooo :3

Chapter 27: Moving Fast

       Ah, sweet oblivion. I always like just how quiet it is, especially when the air around me is so still, gentle, and undisturbed. It encircles me, but doesn’t dare to entrap me. It’s a delicate dance that the air and I partake in without so much as one motion being made. My lack of movement is reciprocated by its continued stillness and vice versa. In doing so, it provides me with great comfort. It’s like a hug, albeit a very cold one, but a hug nonetheless. Despite this ethereal oblivion, I feel so… empty. Oh so empty. Sure, I’m safe, but I feel hollow, like some great importance in my life has been violently yanked out of my chest. I don’t like that, it makes me feel alone, terribly alone. I just want -

 

       “Ray…” a gentle voice called out to me from above, somewhere higher than this oblivion, “Ray, honey, you need to wake up.”

 

       My eyes shot open, the overhead lights of Gana’s quarters almost blinding me. Shaking off the sudden discomfort, I titled my head to get a better look of my surroundings. That’s when I was finally able to focus on what, or rather who had woken me up. My vision unblurred to see Gana gently shaking my shoulder, a soft expression on his face. Ah, there’s my great importance. Hello, honey.

 

       I rubbed my temple, feeling… oh fuck me I was sweaty as hell. Also, man my mouth feels drier than Satan’s asshole. Okay, so, note to self, do not take naps if you wanna feel normal afterwards, because I feel groggy, dehydrated, and sweaty as hell. Dude, I feel so far from normal right now.

 

       “Mmm, mornin’ - or… afternoon?” I shook my head in some vain attempt to wake myself up, “What time is it?”

 

       Gana checked his tablet, “It’s 6:17 pm FST.”

 

       “FST?” I questioned through a failed attempt at suppressing a yawn.

 

       “Federation Standard Time.”

 

       “... that’s the dumbest name I’ve ever heard.”

 

       Gana let out a soft chuckle, “Well, I guess you should tell that to the people who made it two hundred years ago.” He placed his arm underneath my back as he gently tried to help me out of bed.

 

       I wanted to make some smartass remark, but the words never even escaped me once I arose to my feet. A sudden pins and needles sensation spread like wildfire through my legs, causing me to groan out of discomfort. I tried my hardest to shut out the sudden influx of that uncomfortable feeling, but, to literally no one’s surprise, I failed miserably. I couldn’t help but let out a sharp exhale of air as I wobbled on my feet, falling back onto the bed with a soft plop.

 

       “Whoa, easy there,” Gana said as he helped steady me with a firm grip on my shoulder, “Looks like your circulation's taking its sweet time waking up too.”

 

       “Y-yeah,” I groaned out through gritted teeth, “no shit.” I just needed to wait for the sensation to pass. Once it was gone, I was home free to do whatever the fuck I wanted. I just needed to wait. You know, because I’m oh so good at waiting… this outta be fun.

 

       “Well,” he sat on the bed next to me, “since you’ll be like this for a few moments, would you like me to tell you the reason I woke you up?” His voice… God. It was soft, so unbelievably soft and tender. How the hell did he do it? How did he manage to string those lovely words together and utter them in a way that just made me feel alive? He reminded me what it felt like to be human. Let me say that again, he, an alien , reminded me what it felt like to be human. Gana somehow managed to make every single moment feel like it carried more weight in gold than anything the entirety of space had to offer. Every second with him was special, a treasured gift that I had been blessed with. 

 

       I mean, this is a time period I was never intended - never designed to see. If biology had its way, I would never have met Gana. I wouldn’t have met the man who had made such a wonderful impact on my life since day one. I’d be nothing more than bones in the Earth right now, but I’m not. Instead, I’m on his bed with his hand on my shoulder. I get to spend every single moment I can with him for as long as I am allowed, and I’m more than happy to indulge in this. I was never meant to be blessed with such a fate, but life has a funny way of working out. The fate I was never meant to have is the one I was blessed with.

 

       You know, it’s weird to think that this was the same guy who was cold and harsh to me when I first woke up from cryo. Yeah, sure, he had his occasional moment of kindness bunched in with the assholery, but he has changed dramatically since then. He went from professional passive conversationalist to romance aficionado so fast that I swear I still have whiplash. To think that I’m dating that same guy is crazy! I mean, what rational person would look at an alien for the first time, pass out, have the aforementioned alien be cold towards them, and then think ‘yup, boyfriend material, I should give him a good smooch’? 

 

       … huh… I guess I’m not rational then?

 

       Yeah, probably, but who the hell cares?

 

       “Sure,” I brought myself back to the moment at hand, sitting up slightly, “hit me with it, hun.”

 

       A small smile spread across his face, “Well, the captain made an announcement to the crew that we’ll be diverting from our planned course.”

 

       “Huh,” I tilted my head to the side, “okay…. I-is that a good or bad thing?”

 

       “Hmmm,” he raised a talon to his chin as he mulled over the question in his head. “Well, it’s not necessarily a bad thing.”

 

       “I ain’t a big fan of the fact that you threw ‘necessarily’ in there.” I tried to shift my body, but stopped the moment I was reminded of the uncomfortable sensation in my legs. Okay, yup, not moving. Got it.

 

       “Why the hell are we deviating from schedule?” In the mouth I’ve spent aboard this ship, I’ve learned a thing or two here and there about how mercenary groups like this operate. They always abide by a contract, are timely with their jobs, and never ever deviate from plans unless they have no other options. What the hell was so bad that they had to -

 

       Oh.

 

       A pang of guilt flashed through me as I came to the realization that they were likely doing this for me because of what happened on the Federation Space Dock. They were throwing away hundreds of thousands of credits because of me. 

 

       I looked at Gana with knowing eyes, and he returned my gaze with a solemn expression that seemed to confirm my suspicions. He removed his hands from my shoulder and gently interwove his four fingers between my five. He didn’t dare utter a word, and neither did I. This quiet understanding between the two of us was delicate, and one word would cut this moment down, leaving it unable to be returned to. Gana let it stand for as long as he could, carefully basking me in the silence.

 

       Normally, I’d hate the quiet in moments like this, but… times change - I’ve changed. A month ago, I would’ve blamed myself for this. I would’ve beaten myself down with the silence accompanying each painful, soul-crushing blow. My pride would’ve been shattered into a million tiny fragments, and I’d be left to slowly, painstakingly rebuild it. However, I’m better now. I’m not gonna sit here and blame myself for saving the life of the man I love, because I know damn well I’d do it again and again and again if I had the chance. Sure, I regret the fact that these people won’t be getting money for a little bit, but I will never apologize for what I did.

 

       This moment of comfortable silence could last as long as we wanted it to, but we both knew it wouldn’t. It had to be put to rest at some point, and Gana just happened to be the one to pull the trigger.

 

       “Anyways,” he began, “we need to get out of Federation space for a while, so…” he trailed off, looking towards a nearby wall.

 

       “So…?”

 

       “So,” he continued, “we’ll be… going to Wollom.”

 

       Despite the immense amount of discomfort in my legs, I jumped up from the bed. I somehow managed to pull Gana up with me as a surprising surge of strength coursed through me. He had a look of pure, unfiltered shock on his face as I took him to his feet, gently moving him with me as I spun us around in a quick circle in the center of the room. His mandibles were fluttering like crazy, but I didn’t pay that much attention since I was too busy grinning ear to fuckin’ ear. I swore I could feel my heart pound with excitement. I was a sudden bundle of unbridled energy, and there was no way in hell I was containing it.

 

       “Wait wait wait!” I started jumping up and down with eagerness, “You’re telling me that we’re going to your home planet?!” Every word out of my mouth dripped and oozed with excitement. I, Raymond Jay Cortez, the… maybe first Space Cowboy, am gonna see my first planet outside of Earth! 

 

       Holy shit! 

 

       Holy shit!!

 

       He looked at me with awe as a warm laugh escaped him, “Be careful, Ray,” he wrapped a hand around my waist, pulling me flush against him. He leaned in close to my ear, a soft purr escaping his lips, “you don’t wanna get injured again.”

 

       Oh.

 

       Oh .

 

       My GOD this man could make me melt! How did he make me go from an overly energetic moron to a flustered mess in five seconds flat?! Okay, okayokayokay, play this cool! You’re so cool right now! You’ve flirted with him before, and in much more intimate moments! You so got this. Just gotta cleverly string some words together to knock this big hunky loverboy off of his feet!

 

       “Well- I… uh- hm- you-” FUCK .

 

       He let out a deep, hearty, irresistible laugh, causing his mandibles to flare outwards with each exhale. I could feel his laugh reverberate in his chest, feeling the tender vibrations ripple through my body. He was so, so so warm . Mmmmmm, God damn…

 

       I looked him in his eyes as I got on the tips of my toes to plant a gentle kiss on his lips. Fuck, even when he’s bent over I have to get on the tips of my toes to kiss him. Why does he have to be so tall - am I seriously complaining about having a tall boyfriend that I can climb like a ladder? Man, I’m suffering from success, aren’t I?

 

       “Shut it,” I chuckled, “it ain’t my fault you knock me off my feet so damn easily.”

 

       “Well,” he, and I cannot stress this enough, physically swept me off of my feet, carrying me bridal style in his arms, “that just means I’m doing a good job.”

 

       LORD IN HEAVEN, GIVE ME THE STRENGTH TO CONTROL MYSELF!

 

       “Y-you’re… you- Gana, I-” I’m fumbling my words SO BADLY. C’mon, Ray, you’re a man! You ain’t some girl in a chick-flick! Say what you wanna say!

 

       “Use your words, Ray,” his words teased me as he echoed the thoughts in my mind. I was about to… well, I was going to try to retort his clearly flirtatious statement, but I made one fatal mistake. When I looked up at him as he held me in his arms, I saw those eyes of his. Those beautiful eyes were locked onto me, wrapping me in their gaze. I was enveloped in those mesmerizing blue beauties. I felt like his eyes were a still lake that I was left to swim in, and I was content in that. I would remain in that lake, because I knew I’d never drown. He wouldn’t dare let me drown. The moment I so much as expressed the slightest sign of faltering, he’d come to my aid like the wonderful man he is. He’s downright - focus, Ray.

 

       I couldn’t actually say what I had on my mind. I’d be too damn embarrassed, and I’ve already been embarrassed enough for one day. However,… I still wanna tell him how much I adore him. Fuck, okay, think! I need to come up with a compromise! Something that prevents me from looking like a dumbass who keeps spilling his heart out, but also satisfies Gana. Come on! I have to have something -

 

       … oh .

 

       How the hell did I forget that I speak French? What level of dumbassery is that? I mean, it’s gotta be pretty high up, because how the hell do I just forget that I have a whole other lang - focus, Ray.

 

       I took a second to gather my thoughts and compose myself before I let loose everything that I feel for him, because it was going to be a lot. My thoughts about him were like a myriad of lyrics from different songs and genres and I was tasked to compile them into a format that was coherent and heartfelt. It couldn’t just be a bunch of “I love you”’s or something out of a high school love letter. It had to be from me, from my soul . I just needed to put it all together.

 

       I searched my brain for every possible combination of words before I finally landed on what I felt to be an accurate portrayal of my feelings. With that being said, I took a deep breath, and let the words fly.

 

       “ Tu es si étonnante et si gentille et... Dieu, ” I began, “ Tu fais palpiter mon cœur comme aucun homme avant toi ne l'a fait. Tu fais en sorte que ma vie ennuyeuse vaille la peine d'être vécue jusqu'à la fin. ” I took a deep breath, trying to quell my nerves, “ Je suis un couyon pour toi, tu le sais? Je suis un imbécile pour toi, Gana Sor.”

 

       I took a couple of heavy breaths once I finished before quickly averting my gaze. I could feel my face burning as I was slowly turning a deep shade of red. Why the hell am I still embarrassed?! He doesn’t even understand Cajun French! Also, why am I over here blushin’ like a school girl?! I’m a man, goddammit! A man whose head over heels for the most angelic, compassionate, caring, tender, and radiant man I’ve ever met… God, why did you make me so gay? I mean, you coulda made me less of a helpless romant-

 

       Gana raised me up higher in his arms until I was at his shoulders. Before I could so much as get a word out, his lips met mine in, what can only be described as, a passionate kiss. I closed my eyes as I raised my hand to caress the side of his face, gently trailing my hands along his mandible. His mouth felt like heaven against mine, and I never wanted this feeling to end. However, eventually, he pulled away with a slight grin and his mandibles fluttering wildly.

 

       “I have no idea what you said,” he stated breathlessly, “but, knowing you, it was probably all sappy stuff about how much you love me.”

 

       “Hey!” I yelled out through a chuckle, “I ain’t sappy, mister!” That was a lie. I totally am.

 

       “Uh-huh, and I’m not an asshole to everyone but you.”

 

       “Oh shut it,” I playfully patted his shoulder, “and put me down! I ain’t enjoy being manhandled!” Once again, I was lying through my teeth. In reality, I probably enjoyed being carried more than I should. 

 

       Probably? 

 

       Definitely.

 

       Gana chuckled again, but obliged. He gently lowered me back onto my feet, and my legs, thankfully, had mostly remembered how to cooperate by now. They still were a little wobbly, but I’ve dealt with worse. I glanced up at him with a grin that I couldn’t suppress, my heart still hammering in my chest.

 

       “So,” I started, “what’s the plan when we get to Wollom?” I spun a bit on my feet in an attempt to rid myself of the remaining ounces of discomfort.

 

       “Well,” he plopped himself down in his desk chair, “the crew will be staying in a motel off by the coast -”

 

       “Wait, the coast ?” I perked up, crossing my arms as I turned to face him, “You’re tellin’ me that we get a view of the ocean?!”

 

       “Ray,” he started, “you gotta let me finish, hun.”

 

       “Oh, shit,” I cooled my jets, “yeah, sorry.”

 

       “You’re good.” He readjusted himself in his chair, “Anyways,” he continued, “the crew will be staying in a motel off by the coast. You and I will be staying in a cabin on my parents property.”

 

       A rush of emotions swept over me at his words. I blinked once, twice, trying to process what he’d just said. Cabin. Parents' property. Parents.

 

       “Wait… waitwaitwait,” I stammered, holding up a hand like I could physically stop the avalanche of implications, “did you just say we’re staying on your parents’ property ?”

 

       For a brief moment, his eyes filled with reluctance. He tore his gaze away from mine, looking dejected at the ground.

 

       “Yes… if it’s too sudden -”

 

       “Gana,” I started with sheer befuddlement in my voice, “I’ve only been dating you for like four days! This is -” I started pacing again, my hands anxiously running through my hair, “- way too soon!”

 

       He raised a hand to his face before letting out a long sigh, “I know, Ray, I know.”

 

       He looked at me again, this time with a sort of pleading earnestness that tugged at something in my chest. “It’s not like I planned for this to happen. I didn’t want to spring this on you so soon… but we’re out of options. Wollom is one of the few places we can go where the Federation won’t think to look for us right away, and by the Goddess I will not force you to stay in some mediocre motel when I know you deserve better.”

 

       “I-I know, Gana! I just - this is a lot !” My pacing was getting worse, “What if I say something wrong? Do they even know about me bein’ from 155 years ago? What do I tell them when they ask us how we met? What if they ask me about Earth?! I ain’t got a clue what it’s like now!” My heart was racing at a million miles per hour, and it didn’t look like it was stopping anytime soon.

 

       “Baby -” He arose from his chair.

 

       “Oh God, what if they ask me about modern pop culture?! Would they buy it if I just said I liked older stuff?!”

 

       “Honey -” He took a couple of steps towards me.

 

       “Fuck, do- should I, like, practice what I’m gonna say or is that -”

 

       “Ray!” I shot around to see that he was towering over me. Slowly, he placed his arm on my shoulder as he took a deep breath. “ Breathe . Take a moment to breathe.”

 

       Right, yeah, breathing… God, I hadn’t been doing that. I took a couple of deep breaths, trying to calm myself down.

 

       “Ray, it’s gonna be okay,” he gently glided his hand on my cheek, tracing the outline of my jaw. “I promise.”

 

       “Y-you’re sure?” I asked with a slight bit of hesitancy in my voice.

 

       Gana chuckled, before leaning in close to my face, “I haven’t been wrong yet.” Before I could anxiously retort his claim, his lips met mine and I just… melted beneath him. I swear, he must be an angel in disguise, because he certainly kissed like it. Every kiss with him felt like a part of my soul was given permission to fly for the first time. I'd soar high up into the serenity of the deep blue sky, and I just knew that everything would be okay.

 

       When I broke the kiss, I couldn’t help but look at him. Those beautiful blue eyes of his, - so soft, so delicate, so real -, those charming mandibles, and that handsome face, all of him was mine. He was mine and mine alone to have, and that gentle reminder made my heart flutter.

 

       “Attention folks!” The intercom crackled to life, nearly making me fall over out of surprise, “We’re touching down planet-side in ten minutes, so be ready to disboard by then!” Captain Penelope’s voice echoed throughout the room before the slight undertone of static that carried it subsided along with the intercom.

 

       Gana sighed before relinquishing his grasp on me, “I need to pack a few things before we get there, and I suggest you do the same.”

 

       “Oh, yeah, good point!” I went over to a nearby drawer and started sifting through some clothes, half-hazardly throwing them on the floor. I’d probably end up just packing my stuff in Gana’s bag anyways.

       In this quiet moment, I was able to collect my thoughts and take another look at my brief moment of anxiety. Sure, it wasn’t ideal to meet his parents this soon, but neither one of us really had a choice. I needed to get a better hold on my fear of change, because I can’t let a freakout like that happen again. I needed to be better for myself and for him, and I’ll be damned if I let my emotions get in the way.

Notes:

So, I have a decent roadmap for the next few chapters, which means I'll be able to release them more consistently. I can't give y'all an exact number on how long this story has until it's finished, but I do not plan to go over fifty chapters. I ain't gonna milk this story, once it's done it's done.

Until next time!

Edit: For the 100th time, I plan to take a break. Turns out, hyper focusing on a project like this over the span of two months ain't great for your mental health. Sooooo I'm gonna take the rest of Christmas break to just... detox? Yeah, detox. Like I have said before, I am NOT gonna give up on this story. Trust me, I have invested too much time, energy, and money for that to happen (also this is my first story so, yeah, I ain't giving up on it). That being said, I'll catch y'all on the other side!

Chapter 28: Touchdown

Notes:

HEYO! I SAID I WOULD BE BACK, DIDN'T I?! You guys can't get rid of me if ya tried! Anyways, ya boy is gonna TRY, heavy emphasis on the word try, to get chapters out regularly. Nowhere near as regular as last year (sorry y'all, my ability to do that has kinda dried up as my hyper fixation brain kinda stopped hyper fixating), but still somewhat regular. I ain't gonna bind myself to a set date, cause college and all, but I'll try to be consistent!

       “Holy shit,” my face was glued to the portside window as that luscious blue and green ball slowly inched closer and closer. It looked stupidly similar to Earth! Well, if you completely scrambled every single country, but it had those same vibrant oceans and that familiar greenish tint that showed it was littered with vegetation! Through some clouds, I could barely make out some mountains who’s tips had been drenched in snow. Looking to the right of it, a country or two away, I saw a desert plain, dotted occasionally by what I assumed were jungles. At the tip of the planet sat an icy wasteland, similar to Earth’s north pole.

 

       I couldn’t help but grin as I leaned closer to the window, my breath fogging up the glass. In less than fifteen minutes, my feet would touch soil for the first time in a month. I would feel fresh air on my face, and I’d breathe a soft sigh as I drink in every last bit of it. This was more than just a planet, it was a promise. A promise of safety, a promise of hope, a promise of a future.

 

       “It’s beautiful, isn’t it?” I turned my head to see Gana leaning against a nearby wall, his bag near his feet. There was a slight twinkle in his eyes as he stared at me, as if he understood my innate fascination.

 

       “Yeah!” I proclaimed with excitement, “It’s damn gorgeous!” I couldn’t take my eyes off of it if I tried. It was so familiar yet so alien. It felt like a home I had never stepped foot in, never witnessed. I could feel a warm sensation course through my body as my enthusiasm began to slowly boil over. I was hopping from foot to foot, each motion filled by a newfound happiness that I never knew I could feel.

 

       Gana laughed, “I’m glad you think so, honey.” I felt him rest his arm around my shoulders, “I’d hate it if you thought my planet was ugly.” He gently nuzzled the side of my head, causing me to shudder slightly. His mandibles grazed the skin, making the hair on the back of my neck stand up.

 

       “Well,” I said, masking how weak that made me, “now that ya mention it, that green area looks slightly too patchy.” I finally turned my gaze away from the planet and looked at Gana, allowing a sly grin to make itself at home on my face.

 

       “Ray,” he raised a hand to his chest in mock offense, “I never knew that the man I fell in love with could be so cruel.”

 

       “Oh shush,” I leaned into him, “you know ya love me.”

 

       He laughed that dumb, big hearty laugh. It was always music to my ears. I could listen to it on repeat for the rest of time. A beautiful, intricate song that I could move my body to.

 

       We stayed in that moment for a while, silently watching the planet inch closer as I remained in his arms. Every single second seemed to stretch on for longer than the last. Time was slowly becoming nothing more than a concept, and a part of me wanted to stay in this moment forever. God, I’d found myself wishing that a lot lately. Back in Lafayette, I couldn’t wait for each day to be over. Hell, there were so many times where I wished I could just skip to the end of each day so I could pray that the next would be better, but I hadn’t done that since I’d been brought out of cryo. In a way, I’d started to see each day as a gift, as a treasure. Maybe it’s the fact that I wasn’t meant to see this? Maybe it’s the fact that I’m not experiencing half of the terrible things I did back then? However, the likely explanation, to me at least, is him. Each day with Gana has been a treasure, even before we started dating. The ways that he made sure I was okay, how he’d do whatever he could to make sure I was sound in both body and mind, just made me feel safe in a way I hadn’t felt in a long time. That kind of safety was nice, it makes you feel warm on the inside. It’s like living in a comfy log cabin out in the woods with a nice fire burning inside..

 

       “I think my mom’s gonna love you,” his words cut through the silence like a knife through butter. I turned my head to look at him and found him staring straight ahead at Wollom. He had a half-smile on his face, and his eyes were softer than usual. The rough edges and dagger-like depiction that his pupils gave off were gone, and I saw him. For the first time, I saw Gana for the man that he truly was. 

 

       I didn’t see the mercenary, I didn’t see the soldier, I saw a man who was going home.

 

—————————————————

 

       I eagerly waited in the airlock, pacing back and forth as Gana watched me. The rest of the crew had deported before us to get their rooms and luggage sorted, so we were stuck waiting until we were given the signal to leave.

 

       “Ray,” Gana piped up, “are you alright?”

 

       “Oh yeah,” I replied, my voice filled to the brim with sarcasm, “just fuckin’ peachy!”

 

       Gana sighed, slumping his shoulders slightly, “I know having to wait isn’t the most ideal situation-”

 

       “Correction,” I interrupted, “it’s the worst situation.”

 

       “Okay,” Gana paused for a moment, “so it’s the worst situation, but that doesn’t mean it’ll last forever.”

 

       “I know it ain’t gonna last forever,” I ran a hand through my hair, pushing some stray strands to the side, “but that don’t make waitin’ any easier!” 

 

       I wasn’t really pacing out of anxiety, I was just being hella impatient. I mean, can you blame me? A whole new world was on the other side of these doors and I was just being told “yeah, that’s cool and all, but you gotta wait for a little bit”. Honest to God, who fuckin’ expects me to just wait?!

 

       Gana looked like he was gonna say something to me, but shut his mouth again before crossing his arms. Maybe he was gonna try to say that waiting just makes it more worth it or something profound like that? He’s always good at just making me feel calm, but I don’t think he can calm me down here. Like, this ain’t a “total freakout” session or anything crazy, just my bitchass being impatient, and something tells me that Gana’s also, maybe, just a teeny tiny bit impatient as well.

 

       I could feel myself getting tired, so, begrudgingly, I plopped down onto the floor with a sigh. I laid my back against the wall, looking up towards the ceiling. Its silver, metallic pipes twisted and turned, likely carrying various electrical wires to different parts of the ship. For a moment, I wondered if my life was like one of those wires. I’m caught up in something I never wanted to be a part of, thrown in with a bunch of random people being taken to a place I’ve never seen before. I’m kinda at the whim of fate, or, in this weird metaphor’s case, the pipes that guide me down this strange path.

 

       …

 

       Why the fuck am I comparing my life to a set of random pipes?

 

       I shook the thought from my head as I looked back towards Gana, who was staring directly at me. His deep blue eyes gazed deeply into me, piercing past my flesh and plunging into the depths of my soul. I felt my cheeks flush as I came to the stark realization that my boyfriend hadn’t once taken his eyes off of me that entire time. While I was busy with my dumb little metaphors, he was admiring me like I was the fuckin’ Mona Lisa.

 

       “Gana,” I said while trying my damndest to make eye contact, “you’re staring.”

 

       Gana didn’t respond initially. Instead, he simply took another few moments to stare at me before his mandibles flicked as a warm smile spread across his face. 

 

       “I’m sorry,” he chuckled, “it’s just that… I still can’t fathom how you manage to look so handsome even when you’re stressed out.”

 

       Ah, so this is what being head over heels feels like. Cool… why the hell did no one ever tell me that it came with the fun little caveat of being weak in my knees? Thank the Lord above that I’m sitting down, because I think I’d have a hard time standing right now.

 

       I took a deep breath, trying to dig deep in search of some forgotten level of composure, “Yeah, well you ain’t too bad yourself, darlin’.”

 

       God, were we really flirting? Now?! Like, I get it! We’re a couple and I’m so, so gay for him, but I was just having a little bout of impatience not even thirty seconds ago and now I’m totally calm because he flirted with me?! Okay, there’s no way he doesn’t have some kinda spell over me. How the hell can he just do that?! Better yet, how the hell can he do it and be so calm about it?

 

       A sudden loud clank came from the airlock door, causing me to quickly turn my head to face it, before it violently swung open. I was immediately flash banged by the sudden change in light, forcing me to shield my eyes.

 

       “Alright kiddos!” I heard Rovloc call out somewhere behind this sheer white veil, “You guys… well, one of you already has– Ray! You ready to see your first planet outside of Earth?!”

 

       I forced my eyes to adjust to the light, and what I saw in the doorway was Rovloc sporting a bright smile. He walked into the airlock with a bit of a pep in his step and a twinkle in his eyes.

 

       “Yeah… yeah. Just gimme a sec. I’m bein’ blinded by the sun.”

 

       I suddenly felt myself being pulled up by my left arm, “Well,” Rovloc started, “the sun isn’t going anywhere, but you most certainly are bucko!”

 

       Before I could even protest, I was pulled towards the doorway leading out into Wollom and, without a moment to breathe, was met with… the ocean? The gentle roaring of nearby waves crashing against the beachside was the first thing to greet my ears, and the second was me tripping over the walkway and tumbling down the stairs into the sand. I groaned as my body made contact with the sand, and immediately went to curse out Rovloc. However, I stopped the moment my mind processed what I was looking at. The sand wasn’t the same color as it was back on Earth. Trust me, I would know. I was currently lying face down in it. It felt the same though–maybe it was slightly less rough? Hard to say, but the start contrast between the two was that this sand was black. Not like some “oh, well it’s kinda grey” black, but a deep, pure black. It felt like I was staring into a void that occasionally dared to reflect the light of the sun back at me.

 

       I could hear Rovloc laughing up at the top of the walkway as a pair of heavy feet charged down it–betting all of my money that it’s Gana. Before I could pull myself up, Gana’s hands were on mine as he assisted me to my feet. He gently ran his hand over my face, dusting off the specs of sand that had managed to cover most of it.

 

       “Are you okay?” His voice was quick and filled with worry as I opened my eyes. He was bent over, rapidly looking me up and down and paying careful attention to my midsection.

 

       I was gonna give some smart ass retort of “no, dumbass. I just fell down a flight of stairs”. However, I chanced a glance to my left and the attempt died in my brain. Before me was a magnificently blue ocean with an orange sun just barely hovering over the horizon. There was a slight purple hue in the sky that danced eagerly over the edges of the waves as they moved to and fro throughout the sea. There wasn’t a cloud in the sky this peaceful afternoon.

 

       “... oh… oh my…” my throat choked around the words as thousands upon millions of thoughts rushed to try and force their way out of my brain and into reality. However, no matter how much they ran wild through my body, they just couldn’t wiggle their way out for one simple factor: the resemblance to Earth was uncanny. It was just close enough to remind me of home, but just far enough for me to recognize that this was nowhere near the same. It left me with this strange sense of uncanniness, but not an unwelcome one.

 

       “What? What’s wrong?” I turned back to face Gana and his eyes hadn’t stopped examining me for injuries. Rovloc was still laughing his ass off at the top of the stairs, but I didn’t mind. I was too busy staring at Gana, taking him in from a new perspective. This… this was his home. This is his world, his childhood, his memories. He fit in here, of course he did! The planet’s beauty mirrored him perfectly, and, in this sunlight, he’s never looked so beautiful. The light graced his grey platting, making his blue eyes pop more than they normally did. I could see that those icy eyes felt warmer here, more gentle. 

 

       He looked perfect.

 

       I threw myself at him, wrapping my arms around his shoulders as my lips collided with his. He let out a surprised gasp that was muffled by our contact. I drank him in, inhaling that familiar scent of vanilla like I needed it to live. I relished it all . The planet, the sunset, the sand, and him . All of it just felt so nice. In this moment, I felt… peace. Not some contrived notion of calm, but peace . The world–hell, the galaxy came to stand still as I felt his lips against mine. The heavens would cease their chanting to gaze upon our display. God himself would partake, seeing this display as the truest expression of love.

 

       I gently broke the kiss as I opened my eyes to stare at him. He was sporting a bright blue blush on his neck, which suited him really damn well. Honestly, if I ever got my precious alone time with him, I wanted to see just how badly I could make him blush.

 

       “Goddess,” I heard a raspy voice call out from my right. I spun my head to find its source and found another routh standing a little ways away. He looked… very different from Gana. His skin was a more muddy brown, with some slight scarring on his mandibles and his chin. His eyes were more harsh than Gana’s, with the color being a deep golden yellow. However, just like Gana, he towered over me by a couple feet. He had this slightly annoyed expression on his face as his eyes narrowed on Gana.

 

       “Do you two always make out in front of other people or is this just a new thing?” The routh crossed his arms as he looked between us.

 

       “Oh! It’s a new thing!” Rovloc called out from the top of the stairs, “Trust me, I’ve tried to pay them for a private show, but–”

 

       Gana spun on his heels and stared up at Rovloc, a slight grunt of annoyance escaping him as he did. While I couldn’t see the look on Gana’s face, I could gather he was probably giving Rovloc a “if you say another word I will hurt you” look.

 

       Rovloc threw up his hands in mock defeat, “C'mon, I can’t even make a small joke? For old times sake?”

 

       “I mean it, Rovloc. Don’t say another word.” Gana growled at him as Rovloc sauntered down the steps.

 

       “Fine, fine,” Rovloc sighed as he turned to face the other routh, a slight frown on his face. “So, was Gana always this much of a buzzkill, or is this just something special he does for us?”

 

       The scarred routh raised a face-plate, his golden eyes flickering between Gana and Rovloc. “Oh, he’s always been like that,” he said with a dry chuckle, his tone laced with familiarity. “You’d think the years away would’ve softened him, but I guess even the stars couldn’t polish out that edge.”

 

       Gana sighed, “Nice to see you too, Modok. Good to see you’re just as insufferable as ever.”

 

       “See,” Modok pointed a talon at Gana while looking between Rovloc and I, “he says that, but I know he loves me. Well,” he got closer to Rovloc, leaning in towards his ear, “not as close as he is with that one over there.” He pointed a talon at me, causing a bright shade of crimson to dawn on my face.

 

       This conversation felt so weird to me. Maybe it was that it didn’t feature me as a main focus, which had kinda been the norm over the past month. Not that I’m complaining, it’s kinda nice not hearing everyone ask me questions about life on earth 155 years ago for the 50th time in one day. It also let me get a little peak at Gana’s life before I met him. He grew up here, and, somewhere along the way, he ran into Modok and they became… friends? That look of familiarity seemed more friendly than hostile, so, if I was a betting man, I’d wager friends. Cool! See? I’m paying attention and taking information in! Good job me! I can figure things out!

 

       “Oooooh yeah,” Rovloc chuckled as he dance-walked past Modok, getting further away from all three of us, “they’re real friendly. Super friendly!” His voice was slowly getting more faint the further away he got, “One might say, they are friends that are boys. You know–” he was practically yelling at this point, “boyfriends!” With that, he walked down a half-dirt half-sand road and faded out of sight behind some trees–which… huh, also similar to Earth. Shit, moments like these made me wish I knew a damn thing about botany. I’m sure one of them would've loved to see all of this! It’s downright beautiful!

 

       Gana sighed as he turned back to face Modok, a slight look of humiliation on his face, “How’s everyone settling in?”

 

       “Eh,” Modok squinted his eyes, “some better than others. This one girl with blackish… maybe brown hair? I don’t know, but she seemed upset that she had to be here.”

 

       “Did she have grey eyes?”

 

       Modok thought for a moment, “... yeah, she did.”

 

       “Ah, so Valerie.” Gana shook his head as he ran his hand over his face, “Not particularly surprising, but still annoying.”

 

       “You’re telling me,” Modok placed his hands on the sides of his hips, “you didn’t have to deal with her constant complaints.” His eyes casually glanced in my direction. “Surprisingly, I’m not hearing any complaints from you–actually, have you even said anything?” He closed the distance between us, casually looking down at me and then back to Gana.

 

       I cleared my throat, “... I was kinda quiet when I spoke–”

 

       “Goddess!” He knelt down to my eye level, getting uncomfortably close. I swear, I could almost see past his eyes and into his soul with how near he was. “Your voice! You have a… what do humans call it? An… an–”

 

       “Accent,” Gana chimed in.

 

       “Yes! An accent!” He took a moment to stare at me in sheer wonder. 

 

       I stumbled back a bit, trying to put even a modicum of distance between us in some vain attempt at establishing this lovely little thing called boundaries .

 

       “Okay there, let’s just–” I put my hands out in front of me, “back up a bit? Ya know, personal space and all.”

 

       “Oh!” Modok’s eyes went wide as he rose to his feet, taking a step back from me as he nervously chuckled, “Sorry! I just–Goddess! I’ve never heard your accent before!”

 

       “... you’ve never heard a cajun accent before?” I titled my head in disbelief. I know I shouldn’t be surprised that an alien on a completely different planet hasn’t heard a pretty obscure human accent before–after all, Gana didn’t know my accent either–but I couldn’t help it! I’d spent my whole life around people with my accent, so to meet someone that’s never heard it before just… I don’t know. I guess it was just another reminder that, no matter how similar this place was to Earth, it wasn’t . 

 

       “No,” he awkwardly shook his head, “humans aren’t exactly… common on Wollom. You guys are probably the first humans to be here in over three decades.”

 

       “Three and a half decades,” Gana corrected, causing Modok to shoot him a look.

 

       “Oh, I’m sorry, three and a half decades!” He bowed to Gana, “Apologies, oh wise and precise Gana. Forgive me for not being entirely accurate. Goddess forbid my memory isn’t as sharp as yours. What would I ever do without your glorious wisdom?”

 

       Gana’s face remained solid, with a painfully neutral expression on his face as his eyes seemed to grow colder, “Probably crash and burn.”

 

       Okay, yeah, they’ve been friends for a while. You don’t get this kind of banter without being very aware of how far you are allowed to push someone. Honestly, it reminded me a lot of how Michael and I used to talk before he moved. It gave me that same warm and fuzzy feeling, and I couldn’t help but let out a giggle.

 

       “I can’t believe it,” Modok chuckled, “you leave for eight years and your ego’s only gotten worse!”

 

       “Modok,” Gana’s voice was gentle as he crossed his arms, “you’re getting off track again.”

 

       Modok groaned disgruntledly, “Fine! Anyways, as I was saying , you guys are the first group of humans on Wollom in… three and a half–” Gana had a grin on his face as his mandibles flared, “decades, so a lot of people aren’t used to seeing humans. Just…” he looked around, as if being mindful of anyone listening in… even though we were the only ones on this remote beach, “if you get stared at, just know it’s not personal. Okay?”

 

       “As long as people don’t mean nothin’ by it,” I shrugged my shoulders, “I reckon I’ll be fine.”

 

       “That’s great to hear! Now,” Modok turned on his heels and started walking down the dirt road, “I gotta check on our other… guests –” he used air quotes around the word, “to make sure they haven’t managed to burn down my motel. You two lovers have fun… wherever you guys plan on staying.”

 

       “We will.” Gana replied, a small smirk on his face as he wrapped an arm around my waist.

 

       Don’tblushdon’tblushdon’t-

 

       “Hold on!” Modok spun back around, “Actually, Penelope wanted me to let you know that Rovloc and her will be doing some digging into what happened to Ray… whatever that means.”

 

       My heart stopped for just a second as my situation was brought back to the forefront of my mind. Yes, I was on an alien planet far away from danger, but that didn’t mean I could just run from reality. The Dothrekar were still out there, and they would be looking for me. This whole fuckin’ thing would follow me until either it or I was done and buried.

 

       I sighed as annoyance of the situation washed over me. I mean, why the hell can't they just leave me alone?! I ain't done anything wrong!

 

       I felt Gana’s hand tighten around my waist as I was jolted back to reality. I looked up at him to see him staring at me with a worried look on his face as his mandibles flutter with concern.

 

       “Ray,” he whispered, leaning down to my level, “are you okay?”

 

       I hadn’t even realized it until he pointed it out, but my hands were trembling slightly with anger. I tried to brush it off, forcing a weak smile onto my face. “Yeah, I’m fine,” I lied, my voice cracking just enough to betray me.

 

       Gana’s eyes told me that he didn’t believe me, but he didn’t push the issue. Instead, he turned back to face Modok.

 

       “I think we’re going to go ahead and go to my parent’s cabin.” He gently pulled me as he walked over to a… IS THAT A FUCKING HOVER CAR–

 

       “Oh, alright!” Modok called out as he continued on the dirt path, “See you around, Gana!”

 

       The hover-car was sleek, its surface shimmering with a metallic blue sheen that caught the light of the setting sun. It looked like something straight out of a sci-fi movie back on Earth, but here, it seemed as ordinary as a beat-up pickup truck would have been in Louisiana. Gana pressed a button on the side, and, with a soft hiss, the doors slid open vertically, revealing an interior that was surprisingly minimalistic—smooth gray surfaces and seats that glowed faintly at the edges. All in all, one of the coolest fucking things I’ve ever seen.

 

       “Mon Dieu …” Those were the only words that escaped me as I tried to climb in before Gana placed his hand on mine as he helped me into the passenger seat. His hand lingering on mine just a moment longer than necessary as his blue eyes flicked over my face.

 

       “Let’s get somewhere quiet,” he said, his voice gentle but firm.

 

       I nodded, swallowing hard. “Quiet sounds good.”

Notes:

Eyyyyyy, you finished it! Hell yeah! I hope you enjoyed the chapter! ALSO, BIG NEWS, for old readers, you should tooootally go back and check chapter 11 and chapter 1. My partner drew the art for those chapters, so I hope you guys love them as much as I do!

Also, go follow them on tumblr!: @garodetective

Anyways, catch y'all later!

Chapter 29: To Ask The Question

Notes:

HOLY SHIT I MANAGED TO WRITE A CHAPTER THANK GODDDD! Hihhihihi hello people! How ya doing?!

       My hands gripped the steering wheel as the car hovered along the graveled road. The gentle hum of its engine was the only sound to persist in this dangerously quiet car. Ray hadn’t said a word since he got in. He’s just been silently staring out the window at the passing trees. I can’t tell from this angle whether or not he is truly fascinated with the passing foliage, or if he is merely lost in thought. However, I knew one thing all too well.

 

       The silence was killing me.

 

       No. This whole song and dance was killing me. I’d seen Ray freak out back on the ship, and to see him react similarly on the beach just irked me. I wasn’t going to just let it stand.

 

       I sat up straight in my seat and pulled the car off of the path into an enclave slightly off from the main road and put it in park.

 

       I turned my full attention to Ray and, to my surprise, found him not acknowledging that we had even stopped. He had his head resting on his right hand as he gazed blankly out the passenger side window. His deep brown eyes were unfocused, and his face bore a painfully blank expression.

 

       “Ray?” I asked him, trying to keep my voice as neutral as possible, but he didn’t react. His eyes still remained unfocused, and his mind was clearly elsewhere.

 

       “Ray?!” I raised my voice slightly as I placed my hand on his shoulder in an attempt to shake him back to reality. The moment my fingers made contact with the soft fabric of his shirt, he blinked and slowly turned his head to face me.

 

       “Hm?” He spun his body around to face me, “Why’d we stop? Everythin' alright?”

 

       “Yes,” for a brief moment, I considered relinquishing my grip on his shoulder, but opted to instead let it rest there, “I’m just… concerned.”

 

       Ray’s mouth went slightly agape as a curious look filled his eyes, “Concerned?" He crossed his arms as he relaxed himself against the back of the seat, "‘Bout what?”

 

       I open my mouth to speak, but I catch a glimpse of his deep brown eyes. They don’t have a mouth, but the words they utter speak volumes. The dashes of deep hazel dance in tangent with the oceanic depths of the light that flashed in through the windshield. However, in between those strokes of color lies a message. A message that screams loud and clear above all else. 

 

       He knew what I was concerned about. He knew perfectly well what I was about to say, and he was practically begging me not to. I doubted he would ever utter that, but his eyes told me that all and more.

 

       Behind that message was a quiet anger. It was soft, delicate, but it was still a fire that should not be touched. It didn’t take a genius to figure out exactly where that anger was directed at.

 

       After a moment of silence, I slowly remove my hand from his shoulder–feeling the warmth of his body and the softness of his shirt behind as I redirect my attention to the path. 

 

       “... Nevermind. It’s nothing.” I place my hands on the steering wheel as I redirect the car back onto the main road and out of the small enclave.

 

       I hear Ray shift in his seat–likely going to look back out the window at the passing trees–but beyond that he remains silent. Not a word dares to escape his lips, and it bothers me. A part of me wishes to beg the Goddess just to know what goes on in that wonderful mind of his, the other knows that he is allowed to have some privacy. But where does the line of privacy need to be breached when you worry so deeply for the people you love?

 

       That question would remain unanswered as I gripped the leather steering wheel tighter with the road slowly whirring past us. The only noise that dared to accompany us was the gentle hum of the vehicle’s engine.

Notes:

Well folks, I managed to write a chapter! I know, shocking! I did change a little bit of chapter 28 because I'm kinda tired of Ray breaking down at every convenience, so he's more angry than anxious about everything. Beyond that, wow! It feels good to write again! Idk when I'll write the next one, but I defo will try!