Chapter Text
“Sir, please! I’m telling you—the mail has been building up for days now. It’s all addressed to you; you need to be the one to go through it.”
Once again, Moxxie had found something to complain about. Last month, it was the coffee grounds in the office kitchen’s disposal, a few weeks ago, it was horse doodles on the case files. And today, it was the pile of mail that had been accumulating on the conference room table for the past week and a half. He really shouldn’t blame Blitzø though. Everyone knew that Blitzø loathed reading, especially if it was shit about eviction notices or late fees or tax evasion.
They were in Hell. That garbage didn’t matter anyway.
“Goddammit, Mox, I’ll get to it, holy fuck. I never thought I’d say this, but get off my dick for just, like, five minutes!”
It was no shock to anyone in Blitzø’s life that he had been “in a mood,” as Millie was so lovingly calling it, for a few months now. Which was honestly kind of shocking. His business was thriving—getting to Earth had never been easier. His relationship with Loona still wasn’t perfect, but she’s been tolerating daddy-daughter days more and more. He’d cut back on inserting himself into M&M’s relationship, which made them way happier. And he’d repaired his friendship with Fizz to the point where they see each other every few weeks now. Life was pretty fucking great these days.
So why did he feel so fucking miserable?
Why was it when every day after work, every day after he dropped Millie and Moxxie off, every day when Loona went to a party, every day when Fizz wasn’t responding, he felt like complete and utter shit?
He knew the reason why.
He…missed Stolas.
So. Much.
He hated admitting it. He hated knowing that he needed someone else, hated knowing that he couldn’t fix everything himself. He hated knowing that Stolas was the only one who could make him feel better.
Blitzø wanted to reach out to him. He thought about texting him so many times. Hell, on really bad nights, he thought about speeding his little, red ass down to Stolas’s palace, climbing his balcony, and begging on his knees until Stolas forgave him.
But why would Stolas forgive him? He should be pissed at him.
Blitzø was such an asshole to Stolas. In so many instances, he was a major fucking asshole.
He wanted to apologize. He just…hadn’t figured out the right way to do it. And now, it had been three months since he’d last seen Stolas at Verosika’s party, and every day that he went without talking to the prince, he felt closer to a future of never talking to him again.
That scared the shit out of him. But fucking up with Stolas again scared him even more.
And now he was spiraling, a daily occurrence honestly, so Blitzø decided to distract himself by opening the fucking mail.
Blitzø sighed and sat down in one of the chairs around the conference table and started sorting the mail. Most of it was junk, and some of it was actually important shit that he would need to figure out at some point. He was nearing the end of the pile when he noticed a fancy-looking envelope with a stamp holding it shut. The stamp had a seal on it.
He’d seen that seal before. At Stolas’s palace.
It wasn’t Stolas’s seal though. It looked similar but still different enough that Blitzø knew this letter wouldn’t be from Stolas. Not that Stolas would be writing him a letter in the first place.
Someone…related to Stolas then? Certainly not Octavia. Who else was Stolas even related to? Blitzø only knew of his annoying wife and his shit dad—not that Stolas ever talked about either of them. In fact, Stolas never talked about anyone from his family except his daughter.
Blitzø decided he was done stalling and ripped open the envelope. At the top of the letter was a word he hadn’t seen before.
“Mox! What’s a suh—soo—what is this word?”
Moxxie walked into the conference room and glanced at the letter Blitzø was holding.
“A summons?!”
“Yeah, whatever. What does that word mean?”
“Why are we getting a summons?! What is this all about? Let me see that!”
Moxxie snatched the letter from Blitzø’s hands and quickly scanned the contents. After a few seconds, he read some of the words on the page out loud. “For illegal use of official Goetia property, you hereby must appear in front of the High Council on the date listed. Blitzø, what is this about?!”
Moxxie’s screaming attracted Millie because she ran into the conference room too. “What is all the yellin’ about?”
Moxxie showed Millie the court summons. “Blitzø?” She asked. “What is all this? Is this talkin’ about the grimoire?”
Blitzø finally recovered from the message of the letter enough to respond. “I—I guess so.”
“That was illegal?!” Millie and Moxxie yelled at the same time.
“Okay, fuck, enough with the yelling! And I mean—yeah, I guess technically using the fancy book was…ya know…against the law. At least, that’s what Stolas said. I assumed you guys just knew that considering the book didn’t fucking belong to us in the first place.”
“I thought His Highness pulled some strings or something!” Moxxie exclaimed.
“He did! I mean, he didn’t tell anyone at least. But it’s not like he could change the fucking laws.”
“Why are we gettin’ in trouble for this now? We haven’t had the book in months,” Millie wondered.
“Did Prince Stolas tell someone?” Moxxie asked.
Blitzø thought of how fucking stupid that question was. “Of fucking course not. That’s just…not like him. Besides, if he was gonna rat us out, he would’ve done it wayyyy before this, way before he—”
Blitzø cut himself off. He didn’t want to finish that thought.
“Okay, so if he didn’t tell, then who did?” Millie questioned.
“More importantly, who did they tell?” Moxxie asked back.
----
A week later, Moxxie had an answer to his question.
All of I.M.P. was standing up in front of King Paimon.
The fucker who started everything.
Not only that but also several other Goetia sat at a big-ass fancy table. One of those Goetia being Stolas’s dumbass brother-in-law. While Stolas never talked about his family, he had mentioned to Blitzø that the peacock was, according to the prince, “an annoying pain in the ass.”
So Blitzø knew this probably wasn’t going to end well.
Stolas was nowhere to be seen, which Blitzø didn’t know was a good thing or a bad thing. On one hand, he didn’t want Stolas to be in trouble. After all, it was Blitzø who stole the book in the first place. At the same time, maybe Stolas wasn’t here simply because he didn’t care that this was happening to Blitzø.
Or maybe he was already in bigger trouble.
“What do you have to say for yourself, Mr. Buckzo?” King Paimon asked.
“Huh?” Blitzø was so distracted by Stolas’s absence that he had no idea what the king had just said to him.
“Ugh, you imps are so dumb. I guess I will have to repeat myself. I said on behalf of the High Council, you are being charged with trespassing and burglary. On top of this, you are being sued for $40,000 for emotional manipulation. What do you have to say for yourself?”
“Uh, ‘emotional manipulation?’ I ain’t a lawyer, but is that something you can even be sued for? Especially in Hell.”
“Ummm, yes. You can be. Because I say so.”
“That doesn’t seem right,” Moxxie responded. “I don’t think you should be able to criminally charge us and civically sue us just because you want to.”
“Quiet, little creature. Besides, I have evidence.”
“Evidence of what?” Blitzø asked.
“Evidence that you stole Prince uhhhhhh.” King Paimon turned to one of the Goetia next to him. “What’s his name again?”
“Stolas,” the other Goetia answered. “Honestly, sire, it’s two syllables. And you named him.”
“Whatever. Don’t care. Too many fucking children.” King Paimon directed his attention back to I.M.P. “You stole Prince Stolas’s grimoire and illegally used it to portal to Earth for your assassination business. Whilst I love that you killed humans, you did so with stolen property. What do you have to say for yourself, imp?”
For once, Blitzø had no idea what to say. He had no clever response, no witty comeback. He had no loophole to save his ass. He looked to Millie, Moxxie, and Loona, who all looked just as terrified as he felt.
“Look, my employees had nothing to do with this. They didn’t know, okay? No one told them it was illegal.”
“Fine. I don’t care about them. What about you?”
“Uhh—”
Suddenly, a loud bang erupted in the courtroom. It was the sound of the doors flying open and hitting the walls.
“What the fuck is going on?” Stolas asked as he marched his way down the aisle of the courtroom until he was face-to-face with his father. A red parrot trailed closely behind Stolas—someone Blitzø had never seen before.
…Who was he?
Stolas’s pain-in-the-ass brother-in-law turned to the parrot. “Really, Vassago? You were supposed to distract him!”
“He’s smart and fast. He figured it out pretty quickly, and he can teleport. I can’t beat that!” Vassago responded.
“You’re an idiot. All you had to do was lock him in a closet for five minutes, and you couldn’t even handle that!”
“Shut up, Andrealphus,” Stolas ordered. “For once, this isn’t about you.”
“Okay, who pissed Stolas off? He’s getting feisty again.”
“My father pissed me off. I’ll ask again: what the fuck is going on?”
Blitzø was…speechless. He hadn’t seen Stolas in three months and now suddenly he was here, dressed in his royal garb complete with his hat. He was right in front of Blitzø, causing a huge-ass storm. And Blitzø only had one thought:
Fuck, I missed you so much.
“You know this is illegal, don’t you? You didn’t give them a lawyer. You can’t criminally charge someone and not provide a lawyer if they can’t afford one. This whole trial will be thrown out.”
“Oh, and I’m just supposed to believe you?” King Paimon replied.
“Don’t tell me you want to bet against me. I’ve read the Rules and Regulations of Proper Goetian Court 12 times. How many times have you read it?”
King Paimon snapped his fingers twice. “Quick, someone fact-check him.”
Another Goetia sitting at the table slammed a book as thick as a dictionary on top of the table and quickly skimmed through one of the sections before speaking up. “He’s right, sire.”
“Ugh, Stolas, why do you always have to make everything so fucking complicated.”
“It’s just who I am, I suppose,” Stolas answered in a soft voice.
Blitzø didn’t like how quiet Stolas was.
“Fine. Have it your way. I’ll give them a lawyer,” the King said. “You can be their lawyer.”
“What! No, I can’t! I’m not a lawyer.”
“Well, you are now. Congratulations.”
“Fine, then I, erm, declare…that we take a 10-minute recess.”
“Based on what?”
“Based on the fact that I just became a lawyer and know nothing about this case.”
“Fine. You have five minutes.”
--
Stolas sighed before dropping his shoulders slightly and making his way over to the bench where Blitzø was standing. Blitzø’s heart immediately beat four times faster than usual, he was sure of it.
When he made his way over to Blitzø, Stolas smiled softly. “Hi,” he said. Which was shocking. Given the scene he just caused with his father, Blitzø was expecting Stolas to be a lot more…intense.
“You came to help?” Blitzø asked, hating how timid he sounded.
Stolas sat down on the bench behind them. “Of course I did. After all, I think this whole thing involves me too.”
Before Blitzø could respond, Moxxie jumped in with his typical paranoid bullshit. “Your Highness, please tell us that you know how to get us out of this! I can’t go back to prison! Millie can’t go to prison either! Well, actually, Millie would probably do okay in prison, but I certainly can’t go back! And we definitely don’t have thousands of dollars to pay for ‘emotional manipulation,’ whatever that means. Are you even a good lawyer? Have you gone to law school? Or passed the bar? Or—”
Blitzø slapped his hand over Moxxie’s mouth. “Christ’s sake, Moxxie, this is no time for a fucking panic attack. Stolas is the best we’re gonna get so how about you stop being fucking judgmental and be grateful for once in your life.”
“Whilst I haven’t done anything related to law, I promise you that I do have a plan. At the very least, I’m very apt at distracting my father to get out of trouble, so I know exactly what to say,” Stolas responded. He turned to face Blitzø. “What all did you admit to before I arrived?”
“Uhhh, nothing, I think. They just read some bullshit charges, and then I told them that Millie, Moxxie, and Loona had nothing to do with any of this, which is true, and that they didn’t know the book was illegal, which is also true. Your dad said he didn’t care about them anymore and only wanted me.”
“So, you didn’t tell them anything at all?”
Blitzø shook his head.
“Okay…that’s very good.”
“Mhat mre mu moing mo mmo?” Moxxie attempted to ask from underneath Blitzø’s hand.
“What?” Blitzø asked.
Moxxie responded by licking Blitzø’s hand, causing him to retract it quickly from Moxxie’s mouth.
“Oh, did you just fucking lick me?! Gross, Moxxie, what the fuck!” Blitzø wiped his hand on Millie’s shirt, who rolled her eyes at Blitzø and Moxxie’s childish exchange.
“I said what are you going to do? As much as I don’t want to go to prison, I hate to admit that I also don’t need Blitzø back in prison.”
“Don’t worry about a thing, okay? I’ll make sure that none of these ridiculous charges end up sticking and that everyone will walk away free,” Stolas said with a reassuring smile.
King Paimon finally spoke back up. “Okay, Stolas, defend your client.”
“That was only three minutes, but gladly.”
Stolas shut his eyes for a brief moment and took a deep breath. Blitzø had never seen Stolas look nervous before, but he did now. Stolas stood up from the bench and stood in front of his father.
“You can’t charge Blitzø with illegal usage of my grimoire because…he didn’t know it was illegal.”
“He didn’t?” King Paimon asked.
“I didn’t?” Blitzø asked.
“No. He didn’t. Because I never told him. He didn’t steal from me either. I gave Blitzø my grimoire of sound mind.”
Blitzø didn’t even know what to say at this point. Because now he knew…Stolas was lying. Stolas was lying to his father about everything, just to save Blitzø.
“Explain,” the king demanded.
“It’s no secret that I’ve had an…unsatisfying marriage. I didn’t like being around Stella because…I found her…boring,” Stolas admitted as he slightly rubbed up and down one of his arms briefly before continuing. “I was unamused and needed new entertainment, so I invited Blitzø, whom I had met as a child, to come to the palace to help kill the dullness of my life. And from there, we set up a deal. I let him use my grimoire to travel to Earth, and once a month, he would come over. I forced him to spend time with me so that I could have one night without Stella’s horrid drivel.”
The red parrot—Vassago—stepped in. “Stolas, what are you doing?! None of that—”
“Really, Vassago, I appreciate your help, but your presence is no longer required,” Stolas interrupted. He waved a single hand, and Vassago fell straight through a purple portal.
King Paimon glared daggers at Stolas. “Is all of this really true, Stolas? I’ve heard…other rumors.”
“…Of course it’s true. You don’t honestly believe those rumors, do you? What, that me, a Goetia prince, would let an imp sneak into my bedroom? And trick me into thinking I was worth being around? Steal my grimoire right in front of my eyes? And then be just charming enough to create a hold on me, forcing me to do anything just to get one more second with him? Hahaha, that’s…ridiculous. Obviously, it was me that tricked him.”
And suddenly, Blitzø was feeling really shitty again. He didn’t mean to trick Stolas. But he did it anyway. And he didn’t realize how much it would matter to Stolas—how much he would matter to Stolas.
“So honestly, Father, if you must get mad at anyone, get mad at me instead,” Stolas said—the final nail in the coffin.
Blitzø couldn’t stand by and watch anymore. Stolas promised they would all walk away free, but Blitzø was starting to get the idea that Stolas really only meant I.M.P.
“Stolas—”
Blitzø was cut off by Millie wrapping her whole arm around his mouth.
“Oh, I am, Stolas. I am very mad at you,” King Paimon started. “You disgraced our family name once again. I really shouldn’t be surprised. You’ve always been such a fucking pathetic disappointment. It’s no wonder Stella never wanted to be around you—you were so fucking horrible to her! I know she’s not smart, but she’s pretty enough to keep you entertained. Yet you fucked that up anyway. Just like you’ve always fucked everything up in your life. Your marriage, your daughter, your people. Your mother was right about you. We really shouldn’t have had another one.
“On one hand, I will grant you your divorce, Stolas. You will never be bound to Princess Stella ever again. On the other hand, you will never be a Goetia ever again. Stolas, I hereby denounce you of your title of Prince of the Ars Goetia, and I strip you of your grimoire, your eldritch powers, and your responsibilities residing over the stars.”
King Paimon snapped his fingers, and suddenly, Stolas fell to the floor on his knees, hugging himself tightly as he screamed. A bright purple glow radiated from Stolas.
Blitzø had never heard Stolas make such a terrifying sound—a sound that signified that he was in pain.
Stolas was getting hurt.
Again.
Because of Blitzø.
“Hey, fucking stop, you prick!” Blitzø yelled as he pushed Millie’s arm off of him. He attempted to move towards Stolas, but Millie, Moxxie, and Loona all tackled him to the ground, holding him back.
A few agonizing moments later, Stolas stopped screaming, and the purple glow was absent. Blitzø could only stare at Stolas with wide eyes, wondering what King Paimon would do next.
Stolas remained hunched over on the floor, taking large, deep breaths and trembling slightly. Fuck, the only thing Blitzø wanted in all of Hell right now was to run over to Stolas, wrap his arms around his body, and never let a single thing hurt him ever again.
But he couldn’t.
All he could do was continue to watch.
King Paimon spoke up once more. “I think this court case is over. Verdict: guilty!” He directed his attention back to Stolas. “Now get the fuck out of my sight. I never want to see your pathetic face ever again.” King Paimon waved his hand, sending Stolas through a portal of his own. He then turned back to I.M.P. “Apologies for wasting your time, puny imps, but also, it’s not like you had anything better going on. Everyone is dismissed.”
And with that, all of the Goetia began to exit the courtroom. Millie, Moxxie, and Loona had finally released their holds on Blitzø. He sat up and stared at where Stolas had been just moments ago.
The spot where his family—his father—hurt him. Made him scream in agony. And all the other Goetia, everyone who was supposed to be his friend, just…watched. They all watched as Stolas called out in pain.
And all of them ignored his cries.