Chapter Text
Sleep. It's such a weird thing. Tim can’t remember the last time he slept. Actually slept. Maybe if he was tired enough he could sleep. He was tired enough, why couldn’t he sleep? Casework building, homework piling, evidence getting ignored. He was tired. So tired. Being sick for the last few days had truly taken a toll. Now being asked to help the bats after being solo for almost 3 months was something he wasn’t looking forward to. So much for recon and silence. Tim couldn’t focus and honestly couldn’t even remember what he was doing so close to the harbor now. The Docks were empty this late at night and no movement had been made. A half-hour after midnight Tim had started dissociating, zoning out, somehow enjoying the cold air and forgetting about the mission he was on. His mind was on calming himself down and thinking about how his family, teammates… had been without him. Damian is still Robin, Dick’s back to being Nightwing. Bruce is Batman again and things seem to be better without him there. He chose Robin, no one chose him… so why would they miss him?
“Replacement?”
The wind was cold. Rustling his hair and cape.
“Replacement.”
Staring at the city below him. He could just jump.
“Replacement!”
Someone grabbed his shoulder pulling him back. He wanted to jump.
“Tim!”
He looked at his brother, Jason, kneeling in front of him he looked a little panicked. Tim was no longer by the edge.
“Hood?” He blinked a few times.
His brother scoffed. “Finally”
“Finally?” He was so cold… but somehow he was so warm.
“Come on we're going back to the cave.” He sounded annoyed. Tim frowned.
“Why?” His head was so fuzzy.
“Dude” Jason ruffled his hair, feeling his forehead. “You stopped responding to Babs, she sent me to find you. Why were you so close to the edge?”
He frowned more. “I wanted to jump.”
“What?” Jason looked shocked. Sad. Almost mad.
“Sorry.” Tim went to rub his eyes, sleep sounded so good right now. The hand holding his arm was too tight he couldn't quite reach his face. An unwilling whine left his mouth.
“No don’t ignore me. Repeat what you said.”
“I wanted to jump?” Tim tilted his head. Jason looked pissed.
“Jump as in splat?”
“No, Jump as in jump.”
“As in suicide?” Jason analyzed Tim. Despite the commotion being made on the comm line Jason stayed silent for a moment waiting for Tim to answer. Tim just shook his head, he looked like a lost sad kitten.
“Tim. Do you want to kill yourself?” Jason was still holding his wrists letting go of one hand really quick he turned the comm off before grabbing Tim’s wrist again. Looking at the teen again he looked exhausted. His shoulders slumped and his hair was messy and tangled. Neglected. His suit looked a little loose now too. The kid was smaller than when Jason had last seen him around. He was paler than normal and flushed like he had a fever. His blue eyes were clouded and hazy. Tim still hadn’t responded just staring at the ground allowing his wrists to be held at an uncomfortable angle.
“Tim.”
That caught Tim’s attention again.
“Hm?” The hum sounded distracted though.
“Do you want to kill yourself?”
“No.”
“Good.”
“Why?”
“No more dead robins.”
“Jay-”
“Do not. Don’t even go there…”
Tim nodded numbly, and Jason dropped his wrists. He didn’t look mad, but he didn’t look happy either. To be honest, Jason looked void of emotions right now, but that's what wearing a helmet will do to you.
“Let's go back to the cave, Bruce and Alfred both want to see you…”
“That's just great.”
“Cut the sarcasm, princess. You decided to disappear and not reply to your comm.”
The ride back to the cave was silent. Almost no noise was made by either person. Tim hopped off Jay’s bike scanning the cave, nothing new had been done to it since he had last been there. No one seemed to be in immediate proximity, maybe lurking somewhere else. Tim was thinking about leaving when Jason walked past grabbing his arm.
“Stop grabbing me,” Tim growled matching Jason’s pace so he wouldn’t get dragged.
“Then start walking.” He sneered back not letting go.
“Why are you so mad? What did I even do?” Tim stopped yanking his arm away when Jason loosened his grip. Jason also stopped turning around to look at his younger brother.
“I’m pissed when my little brother looks off the side of a building disassociating then decides to try jumping!”
“I wasn’t going to kill myself!” Tim hissed back. A migraine was coming on and he really just wanted to get back to his apartment so he could take some meds and then sleep. Clearly, Jason had other plans.
“Jumping is killing yourself, idiot!”
“Stop fucking yelling at me! You have no idea what is going on in my life! just shut up! Leave me alone!” He didn’t mean to snap. But the words just started falling out of his mouth now that he had started. “You all were perfectly fine before this! You don’t need me! Stop needing me!” A deep breath, shaking, trying to keep part of himself together. “I was never welcomed, I was never loved, I let you all pretend I was fine! I did all this bullshit in hopes to be left alone! I brought you Bruce back and I don’t even get a fucking thank you! So stop pretending like I’m missed! I’m not missed!” Panting. Kind of dizzy. Shaking. The earlier sickness may be a fever coming back with a vengeance. So much for playing it cool till a letter could be written.
“Tim-”
“Don’t. Don’t ‘Tim’ me. Don’t even think about saying sorry now! Don’t even think about being sad I left now!” He leaned against the wall. Jason took a step forward. Tim put his arm out to stop him, creating space. “You have nothing to worry about, nothing to be sorry for. Just leave me alone so I can go about my night and fucking sleep!” He crumbled to his knees shaking.
“Tim.” Jay knelt in front of Tim feeling his forehead again. Warmer than earlier.
“Just go away.” He couldn’t hold back the wobble in his voice nor the panic in his movements when he tried to steady himself. Jason grabbed his shoulders steadying the teen himself so Tim wouldn’t injure himself.
“I can go get Dick. What's wrong though? Why did you go out not feeling well?”
“Don’t go get... Don’t get Dick.” Tim breathed in a sob biting his lip. Jason looked at his softening his own grip and tone.
“Tim, what happened? Why are you upset?”
And that broke Tim. The sob was let out the crying started. He couldn’t even remember the last time he cried, or had been asked what happened. He couldn’t even remember the last time someone cared about him. It was so much, too much. He just cried, letting Jason pull him into a hug. Tim looked like a small child. Thinking about it more Tim was still a child. 16 and life had been so cruel. Jason hugged him, patting his back letting his little brother catch his breath and calm down. It made his own heartache. How bad had they been treating Tim? Why had no one come to help him?