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“Soon, if I just wait a little longer, maybe then it’ll all be okay again.” Len murmured, a familiar hand gently brushing through his hair. Rin sat next to him on the edge of her bed, silently comforting her upset twin. It was a strange moment of vulnerability between the two, but it was necessary.
It had been a while now, a little too long honestly. Len and Fukase weren’t as close anymore for some unknown reason. It was taking a big toll on the blonde, and it was certainly becoming more noticeable as time passed. He didn’t get why, this wasn’t supposed to upset him so much, but every time he checked back on their last texts… or thought back on the growingly distant Fukase, he felt suffocated.
Len looked down at his glowing screen, scrolling till he reached the bottom of a conversation. It wasn’t much, a few words exchanged but… not enough to put him at ease in the slightest.
4 days ago
Me : hi kase u ok?? I miss u
its been a while ... 14:37
Fuka xx : 👍 ... 17:02
“Should you really be looking at that again?..” Rin sighed, running her hand down to his back and patting it awkwardly. She wasn’t sure what to do. At first, she used to tease him for how dramatic he was being over a little bit of lack of interaction. Although now it was genuinely starting to concern her, despite how she’d never admit to that out loud.
“I- I don’t get it; did I do something wrong?” he asked quietly, almost sounding desperate for an answer, the screen darkening before shutting off. Len and blaming anyone other than himself didn’t work, never really wanting to acknowledge that he wasn’t always the one in the wrong. His sister wasn’t a fan of it at all, but she couldn’t really mock him for it now. After all, his best friend was quite literally close to just ghosting him with no clear reason. Maybe Len did fuck up somehow, but Rin couldn’t even begin to imagine that being the case.
There wasn’t much to do, texting wasn’t really working, there weren’t any available times to call him, and Fukase had stopped showing up as often at school too. Len was just left to worry and drown in questions with no replies. At least he had Rin, for now.
-
Crying himself to sleep didn’t last long, because soon enough he had both an alarm clock and an irritated orange to wake him up. “Awh come on! Len, Len, Lennnnn, your fucking alarm has been ringing for the past 12 minutes, you’re ruining my well-needed sleep!” She complained, her hands grasping his blanket and tugging it to the side.
Her voice was hoarse, and she was definitely more irritable than common for her always-annoyed self. Len could only guess that she was either sick or getting all pissy for whatever stupid reason she had now.
“Fine, I’ll get up, calm the hell down…” He mumbled, curling up a little from the cold air surrounding him. He glared subtly at Rin before hesitantly sitting up and whining, not feeling like having to get ready this early in the morning. He checked his phone, no new notifications. It wasn’t surprising, but he still felt a strong wave of disappointment.
The drive to school felt different; aside from Meiko’s attempt at small talk, the car was strangely silent. Rin had ended up being, in fact, sick. She got to stay home, and now Len had to suffer throughout the school day without her support. Well, he had Piko and Oliver, but he hadn’t really brought up the Fukase situation to them, he probably wasn’t going to either.
Soon enough, the school’s parking lot came into sight, and he got a quick unwanted kiss on the cheek from Meiko before he left the vehicle. Len sighed and made his way toward the entrance, eyes darting around in hopes of seeing a certain person. With each step he took, he felt heavier, almost dreading the chance of finding Fukase, while also genuinely wishing to spot him. What would he even say? What if Fukase made it clear that he hated him? Len kept his head low as he walked past others, he wasn’t sure if he could handle this without breaking down.
Long hallways, copy-pasted lockers, and unnecessary amounts of laughter and screeching surrounded the blonde. Only this time he wasn’t part of it, it’d be so odd to do any of that without Fukase next to him. Everything would go back to normal soon, he just had to keep trying to figure out what was wrong…
All the thinking had him a little drowned out, but soon enough Piko’s calling got him back. They were standing near their locker with Yuma, some pink haired dude that never really bothered to talk with anyone other than Piko and Flower. He looked down at him blankly before just going on his phone, leaving Len and Piko to interact alone.
“Ah, Len, what’s up bud, not too excited for school?” They asked him, with that small smile they always wore. Piko was always so unbothered and just… chill, in Len’s eyes. It’d be unexpected to not feel a little envious right now, he’d almost forgotten to answer them. “Meh, am I ever? Just heading to class, I guess.” Len shrugged a bit, doing a quick dap-up with Piko before they parted ways like usual.
‘I guess’ was really all he could say, huh? Better than bothering them with anything else though, Len would rather just lay low with his issues. Even the issue he caught a glimpse of just now… wait, Fukase?
“Kase, wait!” Len called out, speed walking toward the redhead, passing by other students in a rush. Fukase looked back at Len for a short moment; his gaze felt cold. “I’m gonna be late to class.” He responded quickly, just loud enough for Len to hear before he turned a corner and mixed in with the other groups of people.
Len continued his pursuit, but he lost him. To only add onto his misery, the two didn’t share any classes. Usually, they would’ve skipped lessons together or snuck into each other’s periods. It was fun. Silly, memorable moments. But now there wasn’t any positive aspect to it, just another wall separating them further.
To think when Fukase finally came back to school, he’d also just continue avoiding Len. It hurt, it honestly did. He at least wanted to know why, what had happened between them that he didn’t know of, but would knowing fix anything? Maybe, maybe not. He just wanted them to be like before, when they could vent to each other, laugh with each other and just… feel safe? Thinking a little more though, wasn’t it usually only Len who could truly do all that? Fukase had always been more closed off, mostly around him. No, he was just overthinking it now.
-
Different classes piled up, and eventually the school day was over. He hadn’t been able to do much work, and barely talked to anyone during the boring lessons. Most of his attention was eaten away by the constant questioning in the back of his head, thoughts and theories rotting his mind, it almost went unnoticed to him when he stood in front of the bathroom mirror at home.
“Fukase, why are you doing this to me?..” Len mumbled, avoiding his own reflection as he realized just how selfish that sentence sounded. It wasn’t the redhead’s fault; he wouldn’t hurt Len like this. At least not intentionally?
Uncertainty took over… nausea growing and anxiety rising. Maybe Len was the one who caused this after all, considering he was also the one thinking of going for the scissors to cope. Always so emotional and overdramatic, constantly making things about himself… “This is why Fukase doesn’t like you anymore.” Those words rang in his head, tears welling up in his eyes as the mirror stared at his pathetic, blurry figure, sleeves rolled up and hands shaking.
Why did it have to turn out like this? He wasn’t sure, but now there was a nagging Rin trying her absolute best to keep away from getting Meiko involved in this. It was stupid of Len to think his twin wouldn’t notice his arms, she knew basically everything about him, the latter keeping secrets from her was uncommon. Especially ones such as this, after all the support and comfort they’d provided for the other. She didn’t know what to do anymore, Rin was never too good at helping others, and now it seemed like Len had started losing trust in her attempts at helping.
“Fuck… Len, seriously. Look at yourself, how much longer? It’s been on like this for weeks, now you’re…” She just nodded toward the fresh bandages covering his wrists, unable to say it out loud. Seeing her own brother in such a state was just painful, even Len understood that as his expression was full of guilt and regret.
He mumbled out apologies, which seemed never-ending. Only somewhat boiling down to muffled sobs and sniffles when Rin hugged him tightly, both ignoring her current cold that’d probably spread to him sooner or later. It didn’t matter right now though; Len wasn’t emotionally stable enough to be denied this moment of relief. If only he could be more mature and controlled in these situations…
-
It was shitty, feeling like this over one person even when he still had more loved ones. Len felt like he wasn’t appreciating anybody anymore. Everything Rin was doing for him was gradually going to waste now, Meiko’s subtle tries at understanding why he looked upset were brushed off, Piko and Oliver noticed too and suggested to hang out to maybe distract him from his bothers but… he didn’t want any of it. He was being ungrateful as hell, but he couldn’t just forget about Fukase like that… he was his absolute best friend, the one he always stuck around with. All their friendship had crashed down into bits of burning memories.
Meanwhile Fukase, he seemed… free, a light aura radiating from his smile. Any brief sight of him during school heightened Len’s struggles. He hung around his own classmates, occasionally Len’s friends too, laughing and chattering with them all. Anyone but him, honestly. What was the point of all this? Although as much as it pained Len, Fukase was glad. More than he was ever able to make him, separation had been for the best, right?
If his friend could truly get to enjoy himself and being forgotten about was the only solution, then he’d give it all up for him… he deserved better than Len’s clingy, attention-seeking self. Never giving Fukase a break from his issues and barely giving him a moment to breathe, his behavior had to be the reason for this all. He was the issue to put it simply, Fukase just finally stopped trying to put up with Len’s toxic, emotional bullshit, in an efficient but less communicative way.
Having poured all his complicated feelings onto the other to deal with, relief came like a blessing. No miracle comes without downsides though, a rotting room was left empty, and a person was left without their other half.
“I’m sorry, Rin. I can’t keep doing this.”