Chapter Text
“Oh. Homes.com? You’re – You’re thinking about moving.” Buck’s confusion hits him like a truck, his eyes rapidly blinking at the various list of homes on the iPad. Why on earth would Eddie want to move?
“Starting to think about it, anyway,” Eddie says with a closed lip half smile and voice tight. “They have in-depth neighborhood overviews, you get a rough feel for the area.”
Buck scrolls through a few of the houses wondering why Eddie is looking at houses twice as big as his current home.
“Nice,” Buck says slowly, forcing a smile to his face. “But where are you gonna find a place like this in LA at your price point?”
“...They're not in LA, they’re in El Paso?” Eddie raises his eyebrows at Buck.
Buck’s throat goes inextricably tight as he grips the sides of the iPad a little too hard. He failed to notice the map on the same screen, screaming Too Far Away .
“Wait, are you serious?” he asks, head shaking.
Eddie looks somewhere in the middle distance, not meeting Buck’s gaze and takes a deep breath.
“I’m tired of missing out on my son’s big moments before he grows up.” Eddie locks eyes with Buck this time, throwing a hand up in the air and letting it fall loudly against his thigh. A thread of desperation glimmers in his eyes.
“Well uh, so, so when would this be happening?” Buck’s voice goes softer, the news not quite impacting him yet. He feels the smallest hint of earth shattering disappointment but swiftly locks it away. Eddie misses his son, how could Buck be mad at him for wanting to fix that?
“I have this virtual appointment with a real estate agent in a few minutes, get the ball rolling,” Eddie’s voice raises in pitch on the last part of the sentence, his eyes not meeting Buck’s again.
He finds he’s unconsciously clasped his hands together and wrings his fingers, feeling sweat form on his hairline. He did not want to have this conversation with Buck yet. He’d imagined he would tell him after he found a house so that Buck wouldn’t be able to convince him this was a bad idea.
“Hence the button down?” Buck asks, noticing Eddie’s neatly ironed shirt and gelled hair. He was too busy looking in Eddie’s cupboards for flour and sugar to ease his heartache to notice that he was dressed nicer than usual.
“Hence the button down,” Eddie confirms with a quick nod and forces a nervous grin to his face. This feels like an admission, but Eddie doesn’t know what kind.
Taking a deep breath, Buck resigns himself to help Eddie no matter what he feels about this new development. He’s not about to let his best friend make this life altering decision without his help.
“Well, we should move this party to the couch,” Buck asserts, tapping the iPad in his hands and moving with purpose towards the living room.
Eddie vaguely recalls Buck having the same look of authority the night of the blackout when Cap let him run amuck with a clipboard.
“We?” Eddie asks, startled at the sudden support from Buck. Why isn’t he upset?
Buck turns around, arms spreading wide. “You’re gonna need a wingman, some of these places are tragic.” He gestures to the list of homes and strides towards the couch. “I don't trust you to pick a nice one on your own.”
Eddie doesn’t know whether to be offended or grateful for Buck’s unwavering support. He stands still in the kitchen for a moment, looking at Buck settling in on his couch, the sun illuminating his curly hair.
A moment of relief passes through Eddie, causing him to chuckle and untangle some of the knots in his stomach.
Buck is having the exact opposite reaction. The muscles in his back tighten, his eyebrows growing closer together and his eyes rapidly blinking with an unnamed emotion. Eddie is leaving me. He forces himself to swallow the hurt deep, deep down and return back to the tablet that just destroyed his world.
“I’ll get you a cup of coffee,” Eddie says, knowing Buck has probably only had one cup judging by the time on the microwave. 9:24AM. Somehow Buck had already baked two loaves of bread and five scones this morning, wrapping them up neatly in plastic bags.
Eddie smiles to himself, thinking about Buck covered in flour and pours almond milk into Buck’s cup, exactly as he likes it.
Buck continues scrolling through the list of houses Eddie has favorited and immediately hates all of them. Too old, not enough windows, ugly tile floors, neighbors look sketchy, kitchen appliances too gaudy, what the hell is that ceiling fan?
Buck’s mouth is set into a deep frown when Eddie set’s the steaming cup of coffee in front of him, Buck giving a soft thank you .
“What’s with the pout?” Eddie asks a little defensively.
“None of these are what you want,” Buck states matter of factly, training his face to look less disgusted. “I mean, look at this kitchen. What is that backsplash?” Buck gives Eddie a look like, you agree with me right? And takes a sip of coffee.
“That house is my favorite so far,” Eddie trails off, scratching the back of his head. “You don’t like it?” Eddie’s eyes are big and round when he asks this question, the vulnerability hitting Buck in the heart.
“Oh. I mean, the kitchen island is pretty big I guess?” Buck looks sheepish, feeling guilty for coming out the gates hot on his dislike for Eddie’s options.
Eddie sighs loudly and runs a hand through his hair, his fingers shaking slightly. “I don’t even know where to begin with this house hunting thing.” Stress ricochets through his chest causing his fingers to twitch.
“I can stay with you for the realtor meeting if you want,” Buck offers, shrugging his shoulders nonchalantly. Or as nonchalantly as he can when he is feeling very not nonchalant about this situation.
“That’d be great, man, thanks,” Eddie smiles, a soft expression spreading across his face, some of the tension easing in his chest.
They scroll for a few more minutes, looking at more homes in Eddie’s favorites list, all of which Buck vetoes. Buck seems to have a real problem with the kitchens in most homes which perplexes Eddie because Buck knows that Eddie doesn’t cook much, except for the occasional sandwich or poorly seasoned meatloaf.
On the seventh house that Buck is going off about, a Facetime notification interrupts his diatribe.
Luciana Perez . Eddie snatches the iPad from Buck’s grasp and smooths his hair down on the sides, propping the iPad on his knee.
Buck cuts a look over to Eddie. Why is he acting like this is a first date? Buck thinks, immediately annoyed.
Buck shifts in his spot so he’s sitting closer to Eddie and partially in frame. He can feel the nervous heat radiating off of Eddie’s arm through his button down.
Eddie clicks on the green accept button and a young, rather pretty woman pops up on the screen, her curly hair pulled back into a low bun and her tortoise shell glasses framing her large brown eyes. She smiles warmly at the camera, adjusting the angle of her laptop and clearing her throat.
“Hello, Mr. Diaz. Nice to meet you virtually! I’m Luciana, but you can call me Lucy!”
There’s a familiarity to her El Pasoan accent that makes Eddie feel at ease. He smiles warmly at the camera.
Buck immediately hates her. Real estate agents are all greedy sharks , Buck thinks bitterly. He doesn’t like the way her eyes go wide in surprise when she sees Eddie’s handsome face, tucking a piece of her curly hair behind her ear and her voice dropping an octave. Buck narrows his eyes and shoots a glance at Eddie who’s grinning back. A flash of anger burns through his body, making his teeth grind together.
“Call me Eddie,” he says politely.
“And this is Buck,” Eddie tilts the iPad so Buck is briefly in frame, who glowers at the camera with such a sour expression, Eddie jumps. Buck doesn’t exactly mean for his face to look like that and tries to school his expression to something more pleasant. He notices Lucy’s smile falter at his sudden arrival on her screen.
“It’s a pleasure, Buck,” she says tightly while pushing up her glasses and Buck swears he sees her eye twitch.
Eddie knees him and says through a fake smile, “He’s helping me in the search.”
“The more the merrier,” Lucy says, scrunching her nose, her smile not reaching her eyes. It’s not lost on Buck that Lucy is probably feeling similar feelings towards him right now.
She begins by asking Eddie a few simple questions about his background, what he’s looking for in a house and some potential areas to live in. Eddie nods through the whole thing, his eyebrows growing closer and closer together. Lucy nods as he lists what his non-negotables are (two bedroom, big backyard, close to his parents house and in Christopher’s school district, where is the nearest fire station?).
The longer they converse, knots form in the pit of Buck’s stomach. It seems like Eddie’s been thinking about this for a while and he hasn’t said a word to Buck. A small kernel of betrayal makes its way through Buck’s skin, heading for his heart.
Eddie has been the one constant person in Buck’s life since he arrived at the 118. Through lightning strikes, getting crushed under a firetruck, being buried alive and nearly fatally shot, they’ve always been Buck and Eddie. And now it would just be Buck.
It always seemed to end up that way in the end, just Buck. Tommy didn’t bother to stay around and now the most important person in his life besides Maddie and Jee is choosing to leave him. The perpetual crack in Buck’s heart grows wider with each passing minute, the chasm getting deeper and darker, a place where scary truths reside.
He’s leaving to better his kid’s life , Buck’s inner voice chides. Buck throws a blanket over the crack in his heart, hiding it from view.
“What is the time frame you’re looking at, Eddie?” Lucy asks, her saccharine smile filling the screen.
“Hopefully,” Eddie clears his throat and darts a glance at Buck, “by March.” Eddie’s neck flushes, his Adam's apple bobbing forcefully.
“What the hell, by March?” Buck exclaims, a little too loudly. He doesn’t mean to speak but the shock overtakes him and voids him of all manners. That’s four months away. Buck feels bile rise in his throat and panic begin to set in, the blanket blowing off the chasm in his chest in one fail swoop.
Eddie slowly turns his head to Buck, a sad look in his eyes and speaks quietly as if he doesn’t want Lucy to hear. “I want to miss as little of Chris’s school year as possible.”
Eddie longs for morning’s with Christopher before school. His messy curls as he sits at the kitchen table, Eddie pouring him a bowl of cereal and his sleepy “thank you”. Chris chatting about what quizzes he has that day and who he can’t wait to show his new Pokemon cards to. Chris loves listening to the Hamilton soundtrack on the way to school and learned all the words of the first act, reciting them perfectly. Chris waving at him from the school door, his crutch holding it open so he could watch Eddie drive away. Eddie misses those little moments with his kid the most.
The look in Eddie’s eyes tells everything Buck needs to know, but his anger won’t dissipate. He sits back on the couch and crosses his arms like a petulant teenager, willing his temper to fade.
March gets circled in Buck’s mind with a big red marker.
Lucy is staring awkwardly into the camera, a fake smile plastered to her face. “I can definitely make March work, Eddie.” She gives him a pointed look that makes Buck want to smash the iPad into dust. “I’ll hop off this call and start looking today. How about we set up another call for this Friday and walk through a few options?”
Eddie agrees and they exchange pleasantries before hanging up. Lucy doesn’t say bye to Buck when they end the call but then again Buck doesn’t either.
“What’s your problem, dude,” Eddie says annoyed, turning to face Buck, his hands out.
“What do you mean?” Buck asks, feigning confusion. He internally rolls his eyes at the attitude he can’t shake.
“You were a total dick to Lucy!” Eddie gestures to the iPad.
“Okay, sorry if I don’t like her vibe,” Buck says defensively, throwing his hands up, mirroring Eddie.
“Her vibe? How could you pick up a vibe over a 5 minute Facetime?”
“All real estate agents are the same,” Buck says, looking down, his voice gruff.
“What is that supposed to mean?” Eddie’s shoulders are tense again, a hard expression set to his face.
Buck doesn’t understand why Eddie is defending this woman so hard. An emotion he doesn’t want to acknowledge settles through his skin, thick and oily. He blows air out of his nose loudly and looks up at Eddie, noticing the way his cheeks are red with anger and his leg is shaking.
God, I am a dick , Buck thinks. He forces himself to close his eyes and take a deep breath and then another one.
“I’m sorry,” Buck whispers. “I didn’t mean to make this more stressful for you.” He softens his expression and looks at Eddie with kinder eyes, his temper dissipating. “I’m…processing you moving away, okay?” It doesn’t make his behavior better, but it offers a modicum of explanation.
Eddie’s anger melts away at Buck’s admission, seeing the sadness on Buck’s face mirror what he feels inside that he refuses to look at too closely. Eddie wants to say so much. How much he’ll miss Buck, how he’s changed his life, changed Chris’s life. The words get stuck in his throat so instead, he places a hand on Buck’s shoulder and squeezes, locking eyes.
A look passes between them that neither of them dare to speak on, both knowing what each other is saying. This is how it’s always been with them, their own secret language. I’ll miss you, this hurts me as much as it hurts you.
The sorrow is so intense in Buck’s blue eyes for a split second that Eddie breaks eye contact first and drops his hand from Buck’s shoulder, landing loudly on his thigh. Buck clears his throat and rises swiftly, causing Eddie to lean back and crane his neck.
“Um, I think I left the oven on at home,” Buck says roughly, refusing to look at Eddie. Eddie catches Buck wiping his eyes quickly as he heads for the door and throws a “I’ll call you later,” behind him. He doesn’t give the chance for Eddie to say bye.
Eddie sits in the silence of his home and wonders if he’s making the best or worst decision of his life.
---
Buck is quiet when he arrives for their next shift, Eddie’s news weighing heavy on him. He heads into the station, his gaze lowered to the floor and walks straight for the lockers, throwing a wave to Hen as she organizes the ambulance.
Hen watches him in concern, her head peeking around the side of the vehicle. It’s not like Buck to not say hi or spout off some stupid quip in greeting.
Eddie walks in shortly after and sidles up beside Buck with a quiet, “Hey Buck,” and takes his LAFD uniform out of his bag. His eyes linger a bit longer on Buck than usual, assessing his mood.
Buck looks over his shoulder as he’s lacing up his boots and gives Eddie a genuine smile, happy to see his best friend, the earlier mood dissipating a little just at Eddie’s presence.
“Hey man,” Buck replies. “How was your morning?”
“Good, went for a run and tried a new juice place. Not bad,” he holds up a cup full of green liquid. “Wanna try it?” He extends the cup towards Buck with an expectant smile.
“Since when do you drink $18 juice?” Buck teases and takes it from Eddie’s hand, sipping the green concoction. Buck’s eyebrows raise in satisfaction, the flavors dancing over his tongue.
“Pretty good, huh,” Eddie says, smiling big enough for his dimple to show. “I’m choosing joy, remember?”
“And joy…is juice?” Buck asks, raising an eyebrow.
“Sure is, Buckley,” Eddie points at him and takes a sip.
Buck likes when Eddie is acting like this, goofy and smiley. It immediately soothes the rough edges of what’s left of his dark mood. If he only had three months left of Eddie, he was going to spend it having fun with his best friend. He was really good at compartmentalizing after all (author note: this is a lie).
After Eddie changes into his uniform, they walk together to the kitchen to join the crew for breakfast, chatting all the way up the stairs.
Hen squints her eyes, looking between Buck and Eddie as Buck swings around the kitchen island, grabbing sausage from the pan.
“You good, Buck?” she asks, adjusting her glasses and giving him an assessing stare.
“Yeah, why?” He grabs some scrambled eggs from the nearby pan.
“You walked in here looking like a kicked puppy this morning.”
Buck blushes hard and shoots a look at Eddie who’s standing next to him, getting a paper plate and silverware. Eddie’s hand pauses briefly on the forks.
“Yeah, I, I had some bad dreams,” Buck mutters. “Breakfast will help.” He plasters a smile on his face.
Hen is not convinced.
“Whatever you did to make him less mopey, keep it up,” Hen points her fork at Eddie which causes Eddie to point at his own chest, his large brown eyes looking at her innocently.
Little does she know that he’s the reason Buck was sad in the first place.
Hen looks between them again and laughs, walking towards the table and shaking her head.
“What’s so funny!?” Chim asks loudly, egg falling out his mouth.
Buck and Eddie shrug as Hen puts up a hand like, don’t ask .
Chim looks put out but continues to shovel food in his mouth, playing the daily crossword on his phone.
The crew chats as they eat breakfast together, Bobby joining them briefly before going back to his office to finish paperwork.
These are Buck’s favorite moments at the firehouse. The domesticity of everyone hanging out together, each person doing their own thing but still in each other’s space. They could be anywhere else in the firehouse, yet they always somehow end up orbiting one another while on shift. And if Buck is being honest, Eddie and him orbit each other the closest.
A bullet of anguish squeezes past Buck’s carefully built armor and hits him right in the lungs. These perfect mornings will end when Eddie moves. Sure, Buck will still have everyone else but…this dynamic doesn’t exist without Eddie.
Buck feels his breakfast sour in his stomach and he quickly rises before he starts tearing up in front of everyone. He swiftly walks to the stairs, not knowing where he’s going, just that he wants to get away from them, from him . Buck isn’t fast enough because Eddie catches Buck biting his lip to keep from crying and feels his own heart break for the thousandth time.
---
The rest of the shift is pretty tame, the calls being mostly fender benders and a kid stuck in a swing set. The calls distracted Buck enough to take him out of his post-breakfast spiral. He did beat himself up a bit on the way to the first call, not able to look Eddie in the eye. After helping a woman climb out of her car with the help of Eddie and Eddie making a passing comment about the lady’s pink fuzzy steering wheel looking like a Ferbie, Buck’s laugh eased some of the tension that had been building in his chest.
Around midnight, the crew hang out upstairs, Chim watching the news, Hen reading a book called The Body Keeps Score , Buck and Eddie scrolling through their phones and Bobby reading the newspaper.
“Breaking news, another victim has been found, presumably killed by the assailant now locally known as the Birdwatcher,” sounds softly from the TV. A picture of a young brunette man pops up on the screen.
“God, 20 years old,” Chim whispers under his breath and shakes his head.
“Turn it up,” Hen commands as she turns around in her chair.
“...broke into his home a little after 3AM yesterday morning and attacked him, leaving behind a feather similar to previous crime scenes. Police are actively looking into this string of murders, receiving hundreds of tips a day...”
A tense silence falls over the group. Several other firehouses had reported to some of victim’s homes in the past month. The stories filtered through the LAFD of gruesome crime scenes and odd objects left behind, most notably feathers, hence the killer being called The Birdwatcher.
“Can’t wait for the documentary to come out about this one,” Buck says, pursing his lips and nodding.
“Buck, a little sensitivity please,” Bobby chides from behind him.
“Sorry, Cap,” Buck says sheepishly, sliding farther into the couch. Eddie shoots him a look and suppresses a laugh, shaking his head.
“Nice,” Eddie mouths from across the couch. Buck looks at him like, what did I do?
“...Police are still trying to find a solid pattern in these gruesome murders. From what KTLA has obtained, the 5 victims have been between the ages of 19 and 32, a majority male and the incidents occurring late at night. If you or anyone you know has more information, please call 877-ASK-LAPD. LAPD is encouraging everyone to lock their doors and stay vigilant.”
The news broadcast goes to commercial and Chim turns the volume down.
“This is spooking me, not gonna lie,” Hen says, rubbing her arms. “I gotta text Karen and make sure all our doors are locked.”
“We should all get one of those door stoppers,” Chim suggests, going straight to the Amazon app.
“We should all relax,” Buck says under his breath.
Eddie kicks him and makes a “cut it out” motion across his neck. Buck glares at him and goes back to scrolling through Instagram.
The crew return to their prospective activities, silence falling over them once more. They never know if days will be filled with calls or q-word time, so they take all the rest they can get in between, especially at this time of the night.
“Hey, does anyone want to see the new Wicked movie with me?” Buck asks, sitting up with earnest eyes. “I’ve been wanting to see it.”
Hen snorts and says, “Okay, gay,” not looking up from her book.
“Since when do you like Wicked?” Eddie laughs.
“Is that the one about the assassin guy?” Chim asks.
“Are you thinking of John Wick, Chim?” Hen puts her book down in her lap and looks at him incredulously.
“You know I don’t watch movies often!” Chim wines.
“God, if I knew I’d get flamed then I wouldn’t have brought it up,” Buck pouts.
“No, seriously, I want to know,” Hen says, grinning. “Since when are you a Wicked guy?”
“Maddie dragged me to see it when we were younger and I’ve liked it since, sue me!” Buck feels embarrassed now, like he’s admitted to some deep dark secret.
Eddie grins at Buck’s blush, finding it endearing and also putting that in his arsenal to tease Buck about.
“Wow, I did not have that on my bingo card,” Hen says. “I think it’s sweet.” She reaches over the couch and pinches Buck’s cheek. Buck can’t help but laugh and swat her hand away.
“What the hell, I’ll go see it with you,” Eddie says, throwing his hands up in the air. “I’m in my era of embracing joy.” He says the last part making air quotations with his fingers.
Buck gives him a grateful look knowing that Eddie only agreed to go because no one else was.
—- two weeks later —-
And that’s how Eddie ends up at the movie theater with Buck who wears a green sweater while Eddie wears a pink henley (at the request of Buck). Eddie doesn’t understand why he has to wear pink until he walks into the lobby and sees the sea of pink and green attire. What the hell did Evan Buckley get him into?
Buck insists on getting the Wicked popcorn bucket.
“Buck, it’s like $20!” Eddie exclaims in the concessions line.
“And it’s a collectors item, Eddie ,” Buck says seriously, clenching his teeth around his name. “I’m gonna give it to Jee.” Eddie feels a wave of affection for Buck.
Eddie hadn’t realized how much of a fan Buck was until now. Buck vibrates with excitement, his face in a perpetual grin, noting everyone’s outfits, complimenting people as they walk past. Eddie loves seeing Buck like this, full of contagious happiness. He hadn’t seen Buck this excited since before Tommy broke up with him. It sent a quiet satisfaction through Eddie that Buck could be his true self around him, his joy on full display.
They step up to the counter and order the popcorn bucket, a few sodas and at the last minute, Eddie throws down some Sour Patch Watermelons. Buck looks back in surprise and grins.
“Choosing joy, I see.”
Eddie nods and fully smiles, letting the excitement settle into his bones.
Before Buck can pull out his wallet, Eddie reaches around Buck and gives the card to the theater employee.
“Eddie no, this is too expensive,” Buck says, trying to push his arm out the way.
“Too bad,” Eddie shrugs and smiles, the edges of his eyes crinkling.
Buck ducks his head and whispers, “Thanks, man.”
As the theater employee pushes the giant sparkling popcorn bucket across the counter she says, “Y’all are such a cute couple,” with a shy smile.
Both men go utterly silent. Buck feels his blush reach all the way down to his neck and Eddie’s mouth falls open in protest but neither correct her.
“Thanks,” Buck manages to find use of his tongue again and smiles awkwardly at the girl.
Eddie still doesn’t know what to say so he smiles at her and turns around, fidgeting with his card in his wallet, finding it difficult to push it back in. Eddie tries to tamper down the feeling of satisfaction but he can’t help but to smile to himself before turning around to make sure Buck is following, watching Buck as he cradles the popcorn bucket in his arms and stuffs a handful into his still red face.
This isn’t exactly the first time they’ve been mistaken for a couple. Eddie supposed that sometimes from the outside they may look like one, considering how close their body language may be at times.
“Thank you again,” Buck smiles as he matches stride with Eddie and lifts the popcorn bucket towards Eddie. “And for coming with me, I know this isn’t really your thing.”
“It could become my thing, you never know.” Eddie taps his pink shoulder against Buck’s green one and pops a handful of popcorn into his mouth.
They find their way to their seats and settle in. The popcorn bucket is halfway finished by the time the movie starts.
Eddie sneaks a glance at Buck when Ariana comes onto the screen and notices Buck’s eyes fill with tears, a childlike wonder on his face. A fierce wave of affection courses through Eddie, knocking him back into his chair. He doesn’t realize he’s staring until Buck looks over at him with a grin. He whips his head forward, feeling embarrassed for getting caught.
Buck bumps his shoulder against his and leans in whispering into his ear, “It’s so good already.”
Eddie shivers slightly at Buck’s breath against his sideburn. He tries to distract himself with a handful of popcorn and a large sip of his soda.
Without Eddie consciously doing so, he’s absolutely sucked into the story. The colors, the music, the choreography most of all, blows him away. He vaguely thinks during the Dancing Through Life number that he wants to learn Galinda’s choreography in the library.
Buck feels like his heart may burst the moment the movie starts. The memory of seeing the Broadway musical with Maddie rushes through him and the nostalgia is so strong it makes him tear up. Maddie is gonna love this , Buck thinks. He considered texting Maddie if she wanted to see it with them but the idea of him and Eddie going to see it by themselves thrilled Buck more than he wanted to admit. There would be plenty of other opportunities to see it with her again.
Buck feels like he doesn’t blink for minutes until he catches Eddie out of the corner of his eye, staring with wide eyes and a soft smile at the screen as the Dancing Through Life scene ends. Oh, he totally loves it . Buck is so pleased that a huge grin splits across his face and he squeezes Eddie’s forearm.
They briefly lock eyes and grin wider at each other before turning their attention back to the movie.
When Elphaba’s opening notes of I’m Not That Girl start, Buck shifts in his seat. He’d been dreading this part, knowing it was going to wreck him.
Hand’s touch, eye’s meet
Sudden silence, sudden heat,
Hearts leap in a giddy whirl
He could be that boy
But I’m not that girl
Even as a young boy, this song hit him right in the most tender parts of his soul. The feeling of being unwanted, of there always being someone better, something better were themes that Buck felt all too familiar with.
Buck bites his lip to stave off the tears but fails almost immediately. Elphaba’s voice send’s chills all over his body, and tears spill from his eyes onto his green sweater. He sees Eddie peer at him in his peripheral vision but keeps his own eyes locked on the screen, not daring to make eye contact.
Eddie feels Buck cry before he sees his tear stained face. Buck tries his best to keep his chest rising and falling naturally but the jerky movements tip Eddie off, shaking their chairs. He glances at Buck and feels his own emotion rise at how utterly devastated Buck looks. He turns his attention back to the movie, wondering why this song is affecting him so deeply.
As the song continues to play, Eddie gathers that Elphaba is feeling overlooked yet again in her life, desiring something that she can’t have. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, finding ease in equating Elphaba’s experience with Buck’s, realizing suddenly that Buck may have a lot in common with her.
Eddie’s heart breaks for Buck, admitting to himself in this packed theater of pink and green that he’s contributing to Buck’s abandonment issues. He knew deep down that was the reason he hadn’t told Buck about moving yet, but he kept that thought in the back of his mental cabinets, happy to let it gather dust for now. Eddie knew he would have to eventually pull it out and examine the file labeled “Buck” but there were just too many other things to think about first, things that were less painful.
Eddie feels his mouth water and takes a sip of his soda, trying to wash down the guilting clawing at his skin.
Before he can think too hard, he places a hand on Buck’s thigh trying to comfort him, rubbing his thumb against his jeans. He sees Buck close his eyes briefly and then feels his warm hand on top of his. They stay like that for the rest of the song, hands clasped. Eddie’s heart threatens to beat out of his chest, a mixture of feelings so confusing he feels his head spin.
When the song ends, Buck tears his hand from Eddie’s and Eddie feels a small loss at the absence of heat. He puts his own hand back in his lap and looks at Buck intentionally this time.
“You okay?” Eddie whispers, leaning in.
Buck nods subtly and gives Eddie a small smile. Eddie’s eyes are so round and concerned, it almost makes Buck cry again. Get a goddam grip , Buck says to himself.
They both turn back to the movie and get sucked into the story once again. By the time Defying Gravity comes on, Buck is back to crying. Their talent is unmatched , Buck thinks, mentally applauding.
He sneaks a glance over to Eddie who is blinking away tears too. A warm feeling fills Buck’s chest, settling into his blood and making his limbs feel languid. He clutches the popcorn bucket closer to his chest.
When the movie ends, Buck has to balance the popcorn bucket on his thighs to clap. The theater cheers and Eddie looks around surprised at the reaction.
“Wow, I didn’t realize how popular this movie was,” Eddie says with a look of awe.
Buck smirks at his use of “popular”. “Yeah, it’s like one of the biggest musicals in history.” Buck says this without any judgement, happy that Eddie is now educated.
“It was awesome! Ariana can sing, man,” Eddie says. “And the actress who played Elphaba is a goddamn powerhouse.”
“Cynthia Erivo! Yeah, she’s like the greatest singer of all time,” Buck grins. It feels so good to gush about this with Eddie, Buck pleasantly surprised at his enthusiasm.
He had only ever geeked out about Wicked with Maddie, it was nice that someone else understood why he liked it. Maybe understood a little too well, Buck remembering Eddie stroking his leg during I’m Not That Girl . That moment would be examined as he stared at his bedroom ceiling later.
“I need to text Maddie and ask her if she wants to see it with me,” Buck says, pulling out his phone.
“Could she not come this time?” Eddie asked.
“I didn’t ask,” Buck says, typing away on his phone.
Eddie feels immediately pleased that Buck didn’t invite anyone else. Another file to tuck away.
They get out of their seats and head towards their respective cars. Normally, Buck would pick Eddie up but Buck had an errand around that area so Eddie told him he could drive himself. The drive was definitely more boring with Buck not in the car with him.
As they step into the cool night air, Eddie puts his hands in his pockets and nods his head towards his truck.
“I’m this way,” Eddie says.
“I’ll walk with you.”
They both walk slowly towards Eddie’s truck, not wanting to depart just yet.
“So, what did you think? Be completely honest.” Buck turns his body to face Eddie, still clutching the popcorn bucket to his chest. It looks comically small against his large frame.
Eddie chuckles and says, “I genuinely enjoyed it. I never would have gone to see it otherwise, so you’ve opened up my eyes, Buck.”
Buck grins wide and does a little half spin, Eddie mirroring his smile.
“What did you think?” Eddie asks. “Let me guess…Incredible.”
“Incredible!”
They both say at the same time, Buck chuckling and Eddie laughing through his nose.
“It was better than I could have hoped for.” Buck places the popcorn bucket on the bed of the truck when they reach Eddie’s car and leans against the side.
“There’s obviously only so much you could do with a stage musical. The way they elevated the movie with the sets, the acting…god, the acting from Ariana and Cynthia gave it so much more depth. The story is way more intense than I remembered –” Buck stops abruptly, looking embarrassed.
“What?” Eddie asks, perplexed. “Why did you stop?” He looks around, thinking Buck may have seen someone.
“Sorry, I didn’t mean to give you a monologue,” Buck says looking down.
“Buck, I don’t know if you could tell but I was locked in,” Eddie motions with his fingers between their eyes. “Hey,” Eddie says, lifting his hand to Buck’s shoulder. “Anytime you want to talk about Wicked, I’m all ears.”
Buck looks at Eddie with such appreciation, he resists the urge to grab him into a crushing hug. Buck has always felt too much for other people to handle, too annoying for them to hold their attention. Only one time did Eddie make him feel that way. When he called him “exhausting” in the grocery store. He’d forgiven Eddie for that a long time ago though.
“Be careful what you wish for,” Buck says with a soft smile.
They stand there like that for a second until Buck sighs and says, “I should probably go, it’s late.”
Eddie nods and hesitates before grabbing Buck by the waist and pulling him into a hug. Buck is so shocked at first that he stands there with his arms out.
“Don’t make it weird, Buck,” Eddie says near his ear.
“Sorry, we just don’t hug a lot,” Buck chuckles, wrapping his arms around Eddie.
“Let’s change that,” Eddie whispers and melts into the hug a bit more.
Buck has no choice but to do the same, their embrace sending a giant rush of dopamine to his brain. Buck tries not to notice how good Eddie smells.
Eddie has a strong urge to stay in this hug for longer and internally groans when he forces himself to pull away, missing the soft fabric of Buck’s sweater against his chin.
“See you tomorrow,” Eddie smiles, suddenly feeling shy.
“You want me to get you a coffee or something?” Buck asks. His hands are still gripping Eddie’s waist and realizes it about 5 seconds later and drops his hands like he touched hot coals.
“Sure, I’ll text you.” Eddie walks backwards towards the driver’s door and waves.
Buck smiles and lifts a hand, walking away.
“Buck, your popcorn!” Eddie yells.
Buck turns swiftly and jogs to grab the popcorn off Eddie’s truck, spilling some of it on the ground. Buck pops a piece in his mouth and smiles goofily as he walks away.
Eddie puts yet another file into his mental cabinet, stuffing it into the bursting drawer and shutting it hard before anything can pop out.
Before Eddie can make it through his front door, Buck has sent him four Reels, two tweets and three tik toks about Wicked.
— a week later —
“Ouch!” Buck exclaims, holding his arm.
“That’s for seeing Wicked without me,” Maddie growls through her teeth, raising her hand to hit Buck on the shoulder again.
He evades her strike, hiding behind Josh who’s heating up his food in the dispatch break room.
“I want no part of this Buckley sibling fight,” Josh says, holding up a hand and pushes Buck towards Maddie. Buck throws a look back at him, mouthing traitor .
Maddie stands with her hands on her hips, looking at Buck with hurt in her eyes. “That’s our thing, Buck.”
“I’m sorry, I’ll make it up to you! I’ll buy you anything you want, honest.” He tries to give her a sincere look which is met with a scowl.
“Fine. I’m getting a large popcorn then,” Maddie says, raising her eyebrows.
“Make it extra large,” Buck smiles sweetly, attempting to make her feel less rageful. He doesn’t dare blame her pregnancy hormones on her outburst. “Add sour punch straws if you want.”
“Who did you go with anyways? Unless you went alone, then that’d really be tragic,” Josh snorts and stirs his steaming soup.
“I went with Eddie,” Buck says through a tight smile, his irritation with Josh evident.
Josh turns towards Maddie and smirks, a look passing between them. Maddie tries to suppress a smile, her eyes crinkling at the sides.
“What?” Buck asks, face falling.
“You, my friend, are so clueless,” Josh laughs and pats Buck on the shoulder as he walks past.
“I don’t get it.” Buck pouts.
“ Nevermind ,” Maddie says, forcing a smile to her face and turns to Josh mouthing, stop .
They sit down at the table with Josh and Maddie checks her phone.
“Our food is almost here,” Maddie flashes the Doordash app to Buck. Seven minutes away.
“Hey, did you find out more details about that weird call from yesterday?” Josh asks Maddie.
A visible shiver passes over Maddie and her eyebrows knit together in concern, looking lost in thought. A few police officers enter the break room, pouring cups of coffee and chatting by the kitchen island. Josh decides his soup is still too cold and goes to reheat it, saying a quick hello to the officers.
Turning towards Buck, Maddie drops her voice into a low whisper. “I got connected to a DV call yesterday. It was horrific, the boyfriend was trying to break down the victim’s door when she was on the phone with me.” Maddie shakes her head and takes a deep breath. “Later that night, he was found murdered by who they think is the Birdwatcher serial killer.”
“Really,” Buck breathes. Buck’s expression mirrors Maddie’s, eyebrows low on their faces and mouths set in a grim line.
“There’s more,” Maddie leans in closer after noticing a female police officer turning her head and quite obviously trying to eavesdrop. “The call got me thinking. I went through our call logs this morning and listened to all of the calls of when the victim’s of the Birdwatcher were found. Almost every single one had a DV call from the same address in the past month or so.”
Buck’s mind spins. “How would the Birdwatcher know that?” He doesn’t want to jump to crazy conclusions based on Maddie's preliminary findings just yet.
Maddie looks around, Buck following in suit, noting the three police officers standing close by, the female officer nonchalantly leaning against the island, listening to her cohorts as she stirred her coffee. She cut a quick glance over to Maddie.
Something about the way the female officer looked at Maddie made Buck feel uneasy, his protective alarm bells ringing.
“How close is the food now?” Buck says louder, leaning back and trying to look more casual, fidgeting with the sleeves of his shirt. This conversation feels too intense to have with other people in the room.
Maddie catches on and glances at her phone. “Should be here any minute!”
Josh joins them back at the table, setting his soup bowl down with a curse and blowing on his fingers. “I nuked this thing too long.”
They chat until the front desk manager walks into the break room, handing Maddie the bag of burritos. The police officers leave and Maddie feels herself relax a bit more.
“I hate when they’re in here,” Maddie says around a bite of burrito, gesturing to the officers getting in the elevator. “It makes me feel like we’re under investigation.”
Josh nods in agreement. “If it wasn’t for my handcuff kink, I would have eaten lunch at my desk.”
“You’re so weird,” Buck says, looking at him with judgment.
They fall into temporary silence as they eat.
Buck looks around to make sure no one is near after he crumbles up his foil. “Do you think the Birdwatcher could be in law enforcement or…here? How else would they know about the DV calls?”
Maddie feels a thread of guilt remembering when she used her dispatch access to help that woman break free of her abuser a few years back.
“Exactly, Buck. That’s what I’m trying to connect. I feel like I don’t have any real solid proof yet, but something is not sitting right with me,” Maddie says, chewing slowly.
“Please be careful Maddie,” Josh whispers.
“I think you should tell your boss what you know and leave it there,” Buck suggests. “Mads, I know how you get.”
“How do I get, Buck,” Maddie says with an edge of attitude, leaning back in her chair and crossing her arms. Josh looks between them in curiosity.
“You go all vigilante,” Buck raises his eyebrow, waving his hand towards her.
Maddie sighs dramatically. “Okay fine, I’ll tell Sue.”
Buck nods, relief filling his chest.
Josh smiles and taps the table. “Okay kids, I’m going back to my desk. Titillating lunch conversation, thanks Buckleys.”
Buck waves goodbye and leans forward, looking Maddie in the eye. “How are you?”
She smiles affectionately. “I’m pretty tired, but that’s normal for the first trimester. Jee is also in her, let’s wake mommy and daddy up at 5AM to watch Bluey phase, so that’s been really fun.” She feigns annoyance but Buck sees the tired happiness in her eyes.
“That’s my girl,” Buck jokes. “If you need anything at all, if Chim can’t make it to an appointment or something, you know I’m available.”
Maddie grabs Buck’s arm and smiles gratefully. “How are you ? I feel like we haven’t caught up in weeks.”
“I’m good,” Buck smiles, but it doesn’t reach his eyes. Maddie gives him a pointed look.
“Buck, don’t give me that basic answer.” God, she knows him too well.
“I’m..” Buck takes a deep breath. He knows he shouldn’t reveal Eddie’s secret, but it’s been eating him alive. A part of him has been afraid to say it out loud because it made it real.
“Eddie is moving to Texas.” He whispers it and can’t look at Maddie’s face. “Please don’t tell Chim, yet.”
“Oh, Buck,” Maddie says thickly. She reaches across the table and takes Buck’s large hands in hers. The gesture is almost enough to make Buck cry. He didn’t realize how much he needed the comfort of his sister.
He finally looks up and Maddie’s face is riddled with concern, her mouth downturned and eyes misty. Another crack forms in the chasm of his heart.
“Is that why you’ve been spending so much time with him?” Maddie breathes, something heartbreaking in the way her eyes search for Buck’s.
Buck nods and twists his mouth to keep the emotion that threatens to spill over locked away.
Buck and Eddie had been hanging out a lot more than usual. When they weren’t on shift, they were working out together or having movie nights, joining Hen and Karen for wine night. Their favorite activity as of late was trying to best each other at Top Golf, which always ended up with Eddie winning and Buck pretending to be pissed off about it. It was an expensive hobby, but Buck and Eddie had an unspoken agreement that it didn’t matter because they were spending time together, their expiration date getting closer each passing day.
Even on days that they didn’t hang out in person, Buck Facetimed Eddie as he baked or cooked dinner and Eddie would talk about house hunting and share his screen so Buck could inevitably find something wrong with them.
“When is he moving?” Maddie asks.
“He wants to move by March.” Buck swallows loudly.
“Okay,” Maddie says slowly. “There’s still some time.”
“He wants to go down for Christmas, to look at a few houses.” It makes Buck sick to think about this. It makes it too real, too final. Buck could pretend like Eddie was just thinking about moving while he helped him house hunt from a thousand miles away, but taking this trip meant that Eddie will be planting his feet on the very ground he’s going to call his new home.
“I am so sorry, Buck,” Maddie says tenderly. She wants to say so much more but bites her tongue. She doesn’t think Buck is ready to hear what she has to say.
She gets up from her chair and moves to sit next to him, her knee touching his. She snakes her arm around Buck’s side and tuck’s her head into his arm as he puts an arm over her shoulders. Buck leans his head against hers and they sit there like that for a moment.
Maddie’s heart breaks for her brother. His life has been so scarred with loss, just as much as hers has. Now that she has Chim, she can’t imagine going through life…alone. She knows that Buck feels deeply for Eddie, it’s been obvious for years. Some days she wishes she could blurt out “you love him!” but knows it would send Buck into a crisis of epic proportions.
Now he’s losing the one person that has been there consistently for him.
Maddie tries to slyly wipe her tears away but Buck notices.
“Sorry, pregnancy hormones,” she says, chuckling. She shakes her head and pulls back from Buck.
“Hey, I’ll have to tap in Uncle Buck way more once this baby comes,” Maddie says, offering something positive. “You will be too busy to miss him.”
“Thanks, Mads,” Buck chuckles. “Can’t wait to teach it how to bake the perfect pavlova.”
“Maybe let’s keep my infant away from ovens for a little while,” Maddie jokes.
“Okay fine, then I’m teaching Jee how to make a creme brulee.”
“That requires a blow torch?” Maddie looks at Buck incredulously.
Buck smiles, “Mads, I’m literally a firefighter, I think I know how to handle a flame.”
Maddie shakes her head and stands, Buck rising with her.
“Thanks for having lunch with me,” she says and hugs Buck tightly around the waist, her head reaching his collar bone.
“We need to do this more often,” Buck squeezes her back, resting his chin on her head.
They say bye and Buck heads for the elevator, feeling lighter after spending time with his sister.
As he walks out the lobby, the group of officers from earlier are gathered around chatting about a current case. The female police officer stares Buck down as he fishes for his keys in his pocket, watching him intently before he vanishes from view.