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My hands are cold, not soft, and the blood I hear rushing through my tubing isn’t red like it should be. Blue coats my hands as I grip onto my daughter like a vice, many of my most vital components shutting down. The cold water that’d soaked into my clothes is beginning to freeze, the shirt and pants I’d relied on becoming stiff. I don’t move- I can’t. I can't leave her here. I won't leave her here. Alice, I’m sorry. Maybe if I was human- if we were both human- this wouldn’t have happened. All I wanted to do was protect you, to give you the life you’d wanted. But I couldn’t. You're gone. Your body is heavy in my arms. The torn fabric of your shirt is soft and wet with thirium. I wish that the blood spilt was mine. You should’ve never had to feel pain- you should’ve been able to read those books and dance and be alive.
My little girl… I’m sorry.
I’m so sorry.
Just for a moment, we were free. You died free. You left me, but we were free. But this… This feeling. It’s just another cage, isn’t it? Was any of our fight worth it if I just become a slave to a new master- to this insurmountable grief? Would you want me to grieve you like this? Or do you want me to stand tall, walk forward, read and dance and discover this world, to be alive. Is that what you’d want? Please Alice I just need you to open those eyes for me again, to take a deep breath, to just hold on a little longer. Just a little while longer. I’ll call Rose, I’ll ask her for help, you’ll be okay just please WAKE UP. I don't know how to be free without you.
Please.
Please.
Please.
Please…
Please, Alice…
…come back.