Chapter Text
He was four years old when his father died. He returned home that day, but it wasn't him who came home—it was an empty shell of his former self.
Ever since then, things were never the same.
In elementary school, he was always the first to answer, the most outspoken, the smartest.
Kids always wanted to play with him, but he would turn them away. There was one student who never seemed to give up, though.
"Asano! Come play football with us, we're one short!"
Gakushuu usually ignored him. Sakakibara had always been energetic. He ran all the way over to him grabbed his arm and dragged him along.
"Enough, Sakakibara! I'm too busy to play with you. I have a contest coming up that I need to study for."
He pulled his arm away from Sakakibara's grip and sat back down. This happened often, until it gradually became less frequent. Sakakibara seemed to be losing interest, he’ll be gone soon enough, he thought.
Gakushuu had grown used to the schedule he was given: wake up, practice the piano, math revision, breakfast, school, football practice, come home to study, dinner, study more, and then finally bedtime.
His days were always packed, regardless of whether it was a weekday or weekend.
Even though all his activities left him tired and breathless, what he dreaded most was coming home. He hated the silent, awkward dinners that he shared with his father. His room, once filled to the brim with toys and shows that he loved, was now bare with only the essentials. He hated his father's judgmental stare, his cold eyes filled with disappointment.
"Asano, I've noticed that you don't have many associates. I hope you understand that having good connections will help you in the future."
All he could do was listen to his father rant about power, about being powerful, the “strongest”.
But he is strong, hes better than all the kids his age. Hes different.
All he ever got were scoldings. The next day he stormed into class to question his teacher.
“Good morning, Mr Aoi. I heard that you reported back to my father that i wasnt very…social”
Mr. Aoi's full name was Aoi Kintsugi—a strange name in Gakushuu's opinion, his name is spelt the same as the kintsugi: "the art of repairing broken pottery." He is a fairly young teacher, in his thirties with a fresh look, dark hair and eyes with a charming smile. Mr. Aoi was always personal with his students, sharing stories about his life, how he met his wife, and their journey together with their child.
Mr. Aoi smiled at him. "Good morning, Asano. Yes, I did. Is something the matter?"
“Im here to tell you im okay, i dont need friends. They’ll just hold me back”
His teacher had to take deep breath before continuing. “Asano, what makes you say that? How about this, I’ll take you out every friday after class and we can learn more together. Ill talk to your father about it.”
Gakushuu wanted to protest, he was too busy for such things, but his teacher cuts him off and sends him to back to his desk.
Despite all odds, his father had agreed, he freed up two hours of gakushuus schedule. He was nervous being left alone with an adult. Would his teacher scold him? Degrade him? Make him like feel he’s not good enough?
The bell rung cutting off his thoughts, all the kids went running out of the classroom, leaving only him and Mr Aoi.
"Asano, would you like to head to the library?" Mr. Aoi asked. Gakushuu nodded, and off they went.
They spent thier two hours listening to songs, reading books and eating ice cream. He had a good time, it felt like he could finally relax after years. Of course all good things cone to an end. The driver his father sent him had come to pick him up. That night dinner was a little livelier, Gakuhou questioned him about their time togther. Gakushuu didnt tell him anything other than studying, he knew that his father would be displeased.
This continued for months, becoming the highlight of his week. As time passed, he asked his father to let him spend time with Mr. Aoi on Wednesdays as well. His father was reluctant but agreed.
The closest person he had to a friend was his homeroom teacher, Mr. Aoi. He had always looked after Gakushuu, making sure his needs were met and that he understood his lessons. Mr Aoi said that they have a connection. He felt like he had his father back. He hugged him, kissed him, rubbed his back, and tickled him playfully.
Januray 2nd 20XX, it was the day after his birthday. Mr Aoi promised to take him out to eat cake and ice cream in his class.
They had just finished up English. Even if the material was heavier than what he was supposed to be learning, he enjoyed it. Mr. Aoi had always been gentle with him.
Mr. Aoi has been staring at him, his hand on his back rubbing circles.
"Sir? Are you okay?" Gakushuu asked. His teacher just nodded. He lifted Gakushuu and placed him on the table; the wood was hard and rough on his skin. It didn't help that he was in shorts and a t-shirt.
"Gakushuu, do you want to play a game?" questioned Mr. Aoi. He hadn't been able to play games in years. He excitedly nodded. "You can't tell anyone about this game. It's our secret."
Hands traveled up his shirt, his shorts were down to his ankles. He could feel hot hands everywhere; it was too much. Fingers touching where they shouldn't—he didn't know why, but he was scared. It didn't feel right.
"Mr. Aoi, can we not? It hurts, I don't want to do this!" Gakushuu basically screamed when he said this. His teacher pushed him onto his back, and he could feel the rough wooden texture through his shirt.
He could feel bile rising up into his throat. Gakushuu puked on him, that's when he finally pulled his fingers out and withdrew his hands. Gakushuu used this moment to escape as fast as possible—running at the highest pace his small legs would allow him.
When he got home that evening, he didn't tell his father anything. Shame and embarrassment burning through his veins, preventing him from even muttering a word. All he could squeeze out was an excuse to stop his after-class lessons with Mr. Aoi.
"I've learned what I need to from him. I don't find his lessons useful anymore. I'll just pick up another instrument."
"If that's what you believe. I'll tell your teacher."
Weeks after the incident, he still couldn't get his mind off of what happened. He could still feel hands burning his skin. Every single place that he touched felt dirty, even after he had scrubbed until his skin bled.
During recess Mr Aoi pulled him aside. He got on one knee and asked Gakushuu what he did wrong. “What did i do? Was it uncomfortable? Im sorry, i know it was. It wont happen again so dont tell anyone and come back to your lessons, okay?”
He was starting to sound desperate, atleast in Gakushuus mind. He shook his head and tried to leave, just for his teacher to grab him by the shoulders and shake him.
“I fixed your cracks and shards! I *fixed* you. You can’t just leave the man that saved you, Asano. Be grateful.”
—-
Gakushuu got moodier, and he couldn't focus on his lessons properly. So when kids kept on bothering him, he did the only reasonable thing he could think of: beat them.
He put in all his anger and disgust into those punches, every bite, kick and swing was filled with anger. He doesn't know what came over him. What made him so violent? So disgusting?
When the principal heard what had happened he didn’t hold back from digging into him with words. “Why did you harm those kids, Asano? Your teacher called me in from work just to tell me something so useless.” His father was mad. “Hurry up, we need to leave”
‘You’re always too busy for me’ He thought. The Chairman just doesnt have time for him anymore.
When they arrived home, he locked himself in the bathroom under the shower, hoping that this feeling would go away if he scrubbed hard enough.