While You Slept, the World Changed

by Snow_Calypso

Summary:

Safe? Slowly, the little orange cat’s movements stalled. Safe. Ravenpaw was safe. Had he managed to get back to camp in time?

“Just settle down and tell us how you’re feeling.” Spottedleaf soothed. “Then we can explain everything.”

The nervous energy drained from Firepaw’s body as he let his legs go limp. For the first time since the Thunderpath, he tried to open his eyes.

...
Firepaw wakes up to see just how much as happened since the attack.

Notes:

Happy Holidays, everyone!

Hope you're all having a great winter. I want to start this by saying that I bit off a little more than I could chew in starting this, and it ended up being a lot longer than I anticipated. At the time of writing this, I have to get up at 4 a.m. EST to catch an early flight. Thankfully, the style of this story made it easier to split up. Because of that, this is going to be the first two-chapter work in Scars that Bind.

Don't worry, chapter 2 will be coming fairly soon, hopefully by Christmas.

Thanks so much for your positive feedback, and I hope you all enjoy!

Chapter 1: What Happened While You Were Gone

The first thing that came to him was pain. 

Heavy, overwhelming pain. 

He couldn’t tell where it was coming from. It seemed to consume his entire body. Slowly, it seemed to sharpen, cutting through the fog in his head. 

His head. His head was splitting in half. 

Desperately, he willed himself to move. He felt one of his paws stretch forward into the void. How far, he couldn’t tell. That movement alone sent waves of pain against his ribs and spine, colliding and crashing against his head once again. 

Makeitstopmakeitstopmakeitstop-

His pelt suddenly felt too tight. Something thick was clinging to him, pressing against him and restricting his movements. He tried to stretch further, to break free from whatever was wrapped around him, but his limbs wouldn’t respond. He couldn’t see, couldn’t hear, couldn’t feel anything except bare presence and pain. 

No…I need to…

Sudden images flashed through his mind. Teeth bared with predatory intentions, brutal claws slashing him apart, amber flashes of fury, a midnight pelt and eyes wide with fear.

Ravenpaw …

The thought came through clearly at last. 

I need to save Ravenpaw…

Ravenpaw. Tigerclaw was going to kill him. He needed to stop him, he needed to save his friend, he needed to get up and keep fighting, don’t let him kill Ravenpaw-

A sudden jolt shot through Firepaw’s body, and all of his muscles contracted at once. For a moment, his head was once again clouded, consumed by the tidal wave of agony. The fog cleared just enough for him to feel himself, lying on the ground with his paws in front of him. He tried, with all his strength, just to bring his legs underneath him, but his limbs wouldn’t obey. 

He felt something metallic fall from his parted jaws as a pained, strangled groan escaped his throat. 

“Ssshhhh, shhhh….”

A raspy voice hushed. He felt something press against his head-a pressure, softer, and not as heavy as whatever was bound to his pelt. 

“You’re safe now. Don’t try to move.”

The mew sounded far away, but Firepaw swore he could feel it rumbling right against his ear. 

Something next to him shifted-a presence he hadn’t even known was there. After a moment, it appeared just in front of him. He felt a pressure against his muzzle as something was dribbled into his mouth. His head was still too foggy to discern the taste, but he swallowed desperately. 

After a few heartbeats, the pain began to dull. His muscles relaxed, though he still tried to move them until he finally gave up, and his thoughts and fears began to fade. The warm presence pressed against his side once again, and his breathing involuntarily fell in time with theirs as something lapped tenderly against his head. 

“Rest well, little spark, and keep your strength as long as you can. Nobody can hurt you anymore.”

Just as quickly as he had come to, the little cat let himself fall away into a more comfortable darkness. 

…

 

There was something soft beneath his claws. Pushing past spinning and burning in his head, Firepaw dug his claws in as deep as he could. Any moment, he would feel those teeth and claws again, sinking deep into his flesh, tearing him apart as they had so many enemies before. But Ravenpaw had to get away. He just had to. He couldn’t let his friend be killed. 

“...tearing up the bedding again…”

A soft mew came from somewhere nearby. It sounded as though it were underwater, and Firepaw couldn’t quite make out all of the words. 

“...need to find more willow bark and poppy seeds…been whimpering and squirming in his sleep…can’t have him opening…”

The voice faded in and out, drowned beneath the ringing in his ears. Who was that?

No, no time for that. He had to hold on, had to fight, had to save Ravenpaw. Tigerclaw would kill him if he failed. 

He wasn’t sure how he was still fighting. Every part of his body was cut off by an overwhelming haze of pain. His muscles wouldn’t respond, he could barely feel pelt beneath his paws. All he could feel was something soft. 

Come on, he had to snap out of it. Get up, get up, get up!

“Ra…Raven…run…”

He croaked weakly, his voice barely more than a rasp. 

The ground beneath him stirred, and he felt something press against his side once again. The fur on his head was smoothed by a gentle licking. 

His mind faded with the buzzing in his nerves. The feeling in his claws ebbed away, giving in to a blur, and then to nothing. 

…

His jaws were being opened. Somehow, he knew he hadn’t done that himself. 

Before he could question it, something soft and wet was placed in his mouth. 

“Here. Drink.”

Firepaw wasn’t sure why, but his throat burned. Gratefully, he accepted, swallowing the water that dripped from the wad. 

When all of the liquid had been consumed, the pad was pulled away, and his head was lowered back down against the ground. The feeling faded from his body once again, and he slipped into unconsciousness. 

…

Ravenpaw. Had he made it back to camp yet?

It didn’t matter. All that mattered was keeping Tigerclaw here. But how long could he do that? What chance did he have against the strongest warrior in Thunderclan? 

That didn’t matter either. He just had to keep fighting. Keep Ravenpaw alive. That was all that mattered. 

Firepaw saw flashing claws. He felt tearing across half his body. He felt teeth digging into his back leg. He couldn’t smell the Thunderpath anymore, couldn’t hear anything.

Was he even still standing? His head was spinning. A dark cloud was starting to overtake his mind and body, begging him to lie down and give up. 

But he couldn’t do that. He had to try. 

Just keep fighting. Keep protecting Ravenpaw. 

…

There was movement nearby. Firepaw couldn’t tell who or what it was, but it was close. He could hear rustling. Pawsteps. Something being spoken. 

His head throbbed. Any part of his body that didn’t hurt felt as though it had been turned to stone. 

Something inside of him was screaming, urging him to get up and fight, but the heavier part of his mind knew he couldn’t do that. Even if he were able to pull his paws underneath him, he didn’t think he had the strength to walk more than a few steps, let alone land any kind of attack. 

Come on, there had to be something he could do. Any moment now, Tigerclaw would finish him off, or charge after Ravenpaw and leave him to bleed. He-

He couldn’t smell Tigerclaw anymore. A sudden bolt of panic shot through Firepaw’s heart. Where had he gone? Had he gone after Ravenpaw already? He took a deep breath, trying to sense which direction the warrior had gone. 

To his surprise, the tom’s scent didn’t meet his nose, nor did the lush scent of the forest or the acrid tang of the Thunderpath. Instead, all that reached him was the sharp smell of…herbs?

Slowly, the ginger apprentice’s senses began to ebb back. The soft mat underneath him wasn’t the pelt of another cat, but instead a nest of moss. Large patches of his pelt were plastered over with something soft and sticky. Somewhere close by, he could hear the sound of trickling water, and even closer, the soft padding of pawsteps. 

Firepaw’s ear flicked as a confused groan began to rise in the back of his throat. 

A quiet gasp came from right next to him. “He’s waking up!”

A heavy sigh was breathed from just next to it. “Thank Starclan.”

The rusty voice brushed familiarly against Firepaw’s ears.

“Yellow…fang?”

A thick, fluffy tail swept over his head. 

“I’m right here, Firepaw.” There was a muffled crumpling of earth just in front of him-the molly settling down, he imagined. “You’re in the medicine den. You…You’re safe now.”

Safe…The Thunderpath was far away from him now. Safe from Tigerclaw. But it wasn’t himself he’d been fighting for. He’d been trying to save…

“Ravenpaw!”

A sudden cry broke free from his tightened throat. Not yet ready to speak so loudly, his voice went dry on his tongue, and he broke off into a sudden bout of rough coughing. 

Struggling against the pain and exhaustion in his muscles, Firepaw tried to push himself up. His paws would barely move, but he had to get up, he had to do something . 

A heavy paw rested on his back. “No, no, don’t try to move. Shhh, Firepaw, stay still.”

He couldn’t do that. Not when Tigerclaw was still out there, when Ravenpaw was still in danger. 

“T-Tigerclaw!” His voice broke against his aching throat. “He…He’s going to…”

Where was Tigerclaw? Where was Ravenpaw? Was he still alive? Had Firepaw let his friend die?

Yellowfang murmured gently. “Shhh, calm down, Firepaw. Ravenpaw is safe.”

Safe? Slowly, the little orange cat’s movements stalled. Safe. Ravenpaw was safe. Had he managed to get back to camp in time?

“Just settle down and tell us how you’re feeling.” Spottedleaf soothed. “Then we can explain everything.”

The nervous energy drained from Firepaw’s body as he let his legs go limp. For the first time since the Thunderpath, he tried to open his eyes. 

It was gradual, and difficult. His face didn’t feel right. Part of it still felt plastered over with whatever was covering the rest of his body. He suddenly realized just how badly his left eye hurt, with a horrible driving pain feeling as though it were splitting his head in half. His right eye, by comparison, felt as though it had been glued shut. It took a moment, but a blurred glimmer of light finally met the apprentice’s sight. For a few heartbeats, the glare burned, and he almost shut it again involuntarily. But once the pain ebbed away, a few darker shapes began to take form-the stone walls of the medicine den, the soft earthy floor, and just before him, Spottedleaf’s pale, patched figure, and the thick-furred silhouette of Yellowfang. 

Spottedleaf leaned forward and set a cupped leaf down just in front of him. 

“Here. Try to drink.”

Firepaw lifted his head as much as he could and took a few hesitant laps from the pooled water. The droplets cooled his burning throat. It occurred to him now that his tongue didn’t quite feel right in his mouth, and it was difficult to move his jaw. With every mouthful of water he swallowed, something metallic chased it down. 

After he finished, Spottedleaf swept the leaf away and asked him with practiced gentleness, “How do you feel?”

Firepaw wished he had a clear answer. Half his body felt as though it were being sliced apart, the other half felt numb. Trying to focus on it just made the pain come sharper.

His voice emerged with a whimpering edge. “Hurts…”

“What hurts?”

“Everything…” When the medicine cats only left him a pitying gaze, he tried to pull it apart a little more. “Eye…my legs…it hurts to move my jaw.”

Yellowfang huffed, not dismissively, but as if he’d somehow answered correctly. Spottedleaf just nodded, her eyes still swimming with condolence. 

“I’d expect as much. We don’t want to give you anything for the pain until we’ve had a chance to look everything over. You’ve been out…” Her voice trailed off uncomfortably. She glanced backwards at Yellowfang, then at Firepaw again. “How much do you remember?”

A name stuck in the back of Firepaw’s throat. 

“T-Tigerclaw,”

The calico nodded. “Yes, Tigerclaw. What do you remember about him?”

Flashes of teeth and claws ran through his mind like lightning in mist. The wounds along his sides suddenly flared, as though they’d just been sliced open. Firepaw felt his claws dig into the moss again. 

“I-I was fighting him. By the Thunderpath.”

“Good, good.” Spottedleaf tapped her tail against the floor of the den as she nodded. “Do you remember why?”

Firepaw’s breath hitched in his throat. Was this an interrogation? Did his clanmates think he’d attacked their deputy unprovoked? Ravenpaw had said himself, they had no proof. There was no way they could convince Bluestar of Tigerclaw’s guilt. Everything they said would be against the word of the most respected warrior in their clan.

He hadn’t realized his hackles were raised until he felt Yellowfang’s paw against his back. 

“Calm down, Firepaw. Just breathe.”

His head swung over to look her in the eye. 

“Where’s Tigerclaw?”

“Firepaw-”

“Where is he? He tried to kill Ravenpaw at the Thunderpath, Ravenpaw’s not safe if he’s around!”

“Take a moment-”

“He killed Redtail! He’s going to kill Ravenpaw-”

“Firepaw,” Spottedleaf hushed as she lowered herself to meet the apprentice’s eye. “Breathe. With me. Okay?”

She took a long, deep breath, letting it fill her chest. Firepaw tried to the best of his abilities to fall in time with her. As he inhaled, he felt Yellowfang’s tail stroke across his back, smoothing his raised fur. 

After he’d calmed down, Spottedleaf and Yellowfang shared an uncomfortable look. The calico nodded. Yellowfang lowered herself down to eye-level with Firepaw, and mewed solemnly. 

“Tigerclaw is dead.”

The world suddenly froze around Firepaw. 

Tigerclaw. Dead. The strongest warrior in the clan. The cat who’d helped train him for four moons. The one he’d fought with every scrap of strength in his body to keep from reaching Ravenpaw. Dead.

A strange feeling pricked at the tip of his claws. 

“D-did I…”

“No!” Yellowfang shouted, before taking a breath and speaking more softly. “No. You…You fought him well. The-”

“Bluestar said she wished to explain it to him.” Spottedleaf asserted. 

Yellowfang sighed. “Yes, I suppose she should.” She looked back at Firepaw. “The whole clan knows what he did, and…what you did to protect Ravenpaw.”

Amidst the darkness, a lighter feeling flickered in Firepaw’s chest. In spite of everything, what he’d done had been enough. Ravenpaw was okay. 

A heavy-hearted look clouded the molly’s golden eyes. 

“Because of your…bravery...Ravenpaw was able to reach Whitestorm in time…but as for your injuries…” She drew in a deep breath before continuing. “Tigerclaw didn’t hold anything back. You suffered multiple deep slash and bite wounds to your side, shoulders, leg, and face. You had severe bruising on your ribs and jaw, though thankfully nothing was broken. Two of your lower teeth were knocked out.”

Firepaw began to feel the sting of each of his injuries more acutely as the molly listed them off. 

As if unconsciously, Yellowfang swept a paw over her face. “The lacerations to your face were the worst. Your ear was split from the tip, and we…we couldn’t save your eye.”

A sudden pang resonated on the edge of Firepaw’s face, from something just under a thick layer of cobwebs. Oh. So that was why he hadn’t been able to open his eye. 

“You just started to stir early yesterday morning, and you were in and out of consciousness for the entire rest of the day.” Yellowfang finished. She tilted her head. “Do you feel alright?”

Firepaw shrugged, as much as he could with his shoulder bound. Words fell out of his mouth numbly. “Yeah, I guess. It just hurts.”

“I know it does.” The old molly sighed sympathetically. “We’ll give you a full check over before we tell the clan you’re awake.”

He didn’t react much as the two medicine cats unwound his cobwebs. The mollies tried to keep him as still as possible, only asking him to move to untuck some of his bindings. The apprentice hissed in pain as the air touched his open wounds, and even more when they spread a fresh marigold poultice over them. 

When it was time to remove the cobweb on his face, Yellowfang placed a little white and yellow flower on the ground in front of him and asked him to count the petals. He got to twelve right before he felt the bandage come off. 

He wasn’t quite sure what he expected to see. Maybe something clouded, or half his vision cloaked in darkness. He didn’t expect it to stay exactly the same as it had when his face was half-covered. He didn’t see blurry, he didn’t see black, he saw nothing . Nothing past his left shoulder, barely anything under his nose. 

Firepaw felt a sting in his eye-or rather, where it had been-and he knew it wasn’t from the fresh air or the herbs. He shouldn’t be upset. Bluestar had told him when he first joined the clan that these were the risks of becoming a warrior. And in the end, he’d saved Ravenpaw. Being hurt was a miniscule price to pay compared to the life of another cat. But still…

Was that it for him? Would he ever be able to become a warrior now? He’d never been hurt this badly before, not in his fight against Longtail, not in the battle with Shadowclan, not in any of his time training with Thunderclan. 

A hard lump began to form in his throat as moons’ worth of training played out in his mind. Hunting, tracking, fighting…How could he do that now? Would Thunderclan even consider him worth the trouble? 

Once the medicine cats finished their checkup and wrapped fresh cobwebs over his wounds again, Spottedleaf stretched and swept her tail towards the den entrance. 

“I’ll go let the clan know he’s awake. Bluestar and Whitestorm will want to talk to him.”

As she padded out, Yellowfang let out a half-hearted purr and shook out her pelt. 

“We’re going to have to fend off half the clan from the den once they find out you’re awake.”

When Firepaw didn’t respond, she added. “Everyone was waiting for you to wake up. As soon as the trial ended, we had cats coming in to see you. You’re a clan hero now.”

She settled down next to him, the tips of her fur just barely brushing his side. “Though I suppose that isn’t much consolation.” 

“For what?” Firepaw mewed. 

“You don’t have to pretend with me.” Yellowfang murmured, tilting her head to look at him sideways. “I’ve been treating patients since before you were a twinkle in your mother’s eye. I can’t pretend to know how you feel, but I know how…isolating it can be.” A haunted look flickered over her gaze. “The pain, the bad memories…the dread…it stays with you. And many cats keep that inside, thinking they’d be burdening other cats to share it.” Her tail tapped against the moss thoughtfully. “Just know you don’t have to do that. I’m here for you, and so are your friends.” 

Firepaw held her gaze for a moment, then looked down. “I don’t want any cat to worry about me.”

“Bit late for that, kit.” Yellowfang chuffed. When Firepaw’s gaze sank, she offered a gentler tone. “Like I said, you're not burdening anyone. Everyone was worried because they care about you, and they wanted you to get better. And they were scared that you might not. Stars above, I-” She swallowed hard. “I was scared. So, so scared.”

Firepaw blinked at the molly sitting next to him. The old, grumpy, snaggle-toothed molly that he’d brought into camp, who’d hissed at the kittens that fell next to her while playing, was staring at him with as much care as a mother would at her own kits.

“We want you to get better, Firepaw.” She continued. “Not just physically. We want to help you move forward from this, just as everyone else is.”

A different weight began to press down in Firepaw’s throat. He tried to open his mouth to speak, but no words would form. Yellowfang just offered him a gentle smile.

“Is he ready for visitors?” A cool-sounding voice came from the den entrance. 

The apprentice looked up to see the broad-shouldered figure of Bluestar padding through the den entrance, followed closely behind by Spottedleaf. Yellowfang sat up on the side of the nest to make more room for the other molly. 

For a few moments, the Thunderclan leader didn’t speak, her icy blue gaze still holding the same kind of sorrow that Firepaw wished everyone would stop looking at him with. 

She took a deep breath and spoke. “What did they tell you when you woke up?”

The ginger cat glanced sideways, anticipation clawing at his chest. “They said that Tigerclaw was dead…”

“Anything else?”

“That Ravenpaw was safe.”

“And?”

“That was it.” Firepaw couldn’t help the odd sense of guilt at not being able to answer his leader’s question.

Bluestar took a deep breath. “Alright then.”

“You said you wanted to explain it to him.” Spottedleaf interjected.

“I know, I know.” Bluestar waved her off. “I suppose it’s better that you didn’t dump everything on him as soon as he woke up.”

There was something lying just beneath her tone, something that wasn’t being said yet that was starting to itch underneath Firepaw’s pelt. 

Bluestar looked over her shoulder, then at her paws. “I suppose I should start at the beginning. Just after we brought you-and Tigerclaw-back from the Thunderpath, we put him on trial to figure out why he attempted to kill both you and Ravenpaw. Ravenpaw explained to us that Tigerclaw killed Redtail, and he had been targeting Ravenpaw in an effort to silence him.”

So Bluestar knew now. Not just Bluestar, but the whole clan. It was relieving, but strange to hear her admit it, especially after Ravenpaw had been convinced for so long that nobody would ever believe them, because they didn’t have any proof. 

An uncomfortable feeling settled in Firepaw’s stomach at the realization that he himself had been the proof.

Bluestar went on. “Of course he was stripped of his role as deputy. Whitestorm was made deputy afterwards, and we decided from there what should be done with Tigerclaw.” She paused a moment before stating flatly, “We decided execution.”

Firepaw’s blood ran cold. Execution. Of course, he was sure Tigerclaw deserved it, but to hear that the warrior hadn’t just died, but was methodically killed by one of his clanmates…

“This wasn’t an easy decision to make.” Bluestar’s voice was clouded. “But the only one we felt we could afford to make. Thunderclan is under enough threat with Shadowclan. To have a vengeful murderer wandering the forest was a risk we couldn’t afford to take.”
In the corner of the den, Spottedleaf was tapping her paws uncomfortably. Yellowfang just sat with her head lowered. 

Bluestar looked back up at Firepaw. “I’m sure you have questions.” 

Firepaw might’ve if he had any words at all. 

After a few uncomfortable moments of silence, he asked. “Is everyone else okay?”

Bluestar glanced to the side, her tail sweeping anxiously against the ground. “Everyone is…doing what they can. It’s going to be difficult for everyone. As for Ravenpaw…” His heart twisted before she added, “He’ll be alright. I’ll make sure of it. I must confess, I am so happy to see you awake again.” Her eyes shimmered with a mix of pride and..something else. Pity? Regret? 

Whatever it was, she blinked it away and stood up in a more authoritative position. 

“What you did for Ravenpaw was braver than most warriors could ever hope to be. If it were a matter of mere courage, I’d name you a warrior right here and now.”

Something flickered inside Firepaw’s heart, then sank.

“Unfortunately,” She sighed reluctantly. “I cannot do that. You will have a long road to recovery, and you will still have to complete an assessment once you’re ready.”

If he could still complete his assessment. That part went unspoken. 

“For now,” Bluestar meowed in a happier tone. “We’re all just happy that you’re alright. I’m sure you’ll have a lot of visitors-”

“Yellowfang mentioned.”

The leader purred, before adding. “But don’t feel pressured to see more cats than you’re ready for. I know this can be…disorienting.”

Wasn’t that an understatement.

“I’ll check in with you later.” Bluestar dipped her head to him before turning back towards the entrance. She looked up at Spottedleaf. “Let me know if his condition changes.”

Spottedleaf dipped her head in return. “You know I will.”

The Thunderclan leader gave one last gentle purr. “Rest well, Firepaw.”

With that, she padded out of the den. Firepaw watched her silently as she left. 

A pang of guilt tore at him. He wished he had been able to show more pride at Bluestar’s high praise. He wished he could’ve felt happy at any of this. 

Bluestar called him braver than most warriors. He’d saved Ravenpaw, and Tigerclaw…he must’ve deserved what had been done to him. 

But the fact still remained. Tigerclaw was dead. Not just dead, but executed. Not just executed, but executed two days ago by one of his own clanmates. Of course he’d never felt entirely comfortable around Tigerclaw, but he had been one of the first cats to help mentor him when he’d first arrived in Thunderclan. Now he’d been dead for two days, and the last thing Firepaw had done was fight him as long as he physically could. 

Spottedleaf murmured something, but Firepaw didn’t hear it. As much as he wished he could feel elation, all that would truly resonate for him was heaviness and disorientation. Somehow, Firepaw couldn’t shake the feeling that he’d woken up in a different world. 

…

It was midday when the other apprentices had shown up. Firepaw had seen the shadows in the medicine den entrance shift and gradually grow shorter. It took a long time, but he hadn’t had much else to do. 

He should’ve known what was coming when he’d heard the patrol rushing back into camp, and a few familiar voices. Immediately, Spottedleaf had gone into the camp clearing to “stand guard” as Yellowfang had put it. After a brief warning, and a lot of begging from the other cats, Spottedleaf had reluctantly stepped aside.

A flurry of nimbus and midnight fur rushed inside the den, then just as quickly went silent. Firepaw couldn’t quite make out the expression on either Graypaw or Ravenpaw’s faces. 

Somehow, against everything that had happened, just seeing their faces seemed to bring warmth into Firepaw’s heart. Graypaw was here. Ravenpaw was here. Ravenpaw was safe. Everything would be okay. 

As much as he could, Firepaw tried to offer his friends a genuine smile. 

Tears welled up in Graypaw’s amber eyes. “Oh, thank Starclan!” He rushed forward, just barely stopping himself in time to avoid colliding with the other apprentice headfirst. 

“Hey,” Firepaw purred, his voice still a little rough. 

Graypaw immediately pressed his muzzle against one of the few patches of ginger fur not covered by cobwebs. Words poured out of his mouth without restraint or meaning, about how he’d been so scared that Firepaw was going to die for sure, about how long he couldn’t lose him after losing Lionheart, begging Firepaw to never do anything like that again. 

Ravenpaw hung back, tears glinting at the corners of his eyes, until Firepaw gestured for him to join them. 

They stood, pressed together as much as the cobwebs would allow them, their faces streaked with tears of joy, tears of grief and fears and sorrows that almost were. 

After a few heartbeats together, Yellowfang nudged the other two apprentices back. A rough mew built in her throat. “Alright now, Spottedleaf said you could see him, not that you could shove your faces into him.”

“I’m so sorry,” Ravenpaw choked out at last.

Firepaw sighed, tilting his head back to smile at his friend. “It’s alright. I missed you too.”

“No,” The midnight apprentice’s voice broke. “You…I’m so sorry! You almost…because of me…”

“Oh,” The gaps finally connected in Firepaw’s head. “Oh. Hey,” He reached out as far as he could to place his paw against Ravenpaw’s. “None of that was your fault. Tigerclaw…” He swallowed hard. “What he tried to do to you…nobody deserves that. I just did what any good cat would’ve done.”

“Then there aren’t enough good cats!” The midnight apprentice cried. 

Every other cat stood in stunned silence. Ravenpaw wiped his eyes against his paw and sniffed. He took a moment to clear his throat before continuing. 

“You…you stood up for me when nobody else would. You stood up to me against the strongest cat in the clan . Against a cat that I told you was a killer! And you…” Sobs wracked his body for a few more heartbeats, and Firepaw wanted so, so desperately to reach out and comfort his friend. It wasn’t until Graypaw pressed himself against the other apprentice that he finally managed to speak again. “If I’d just told everyone to begin with, you wouldn’t have…”

“Hey, hey, that’s not fair.” Graypaw murmured.

“Graypaw’s right.” Firepaw murmured. “And hey, now every cat knows.”

“But…you could’ve died!” Ravenpaw cried. 

“But I didn’t.” The ginger apprentice pressed his paw over Ravenpaw’s. He waited for a moment for his friend to calm down before going on. “I’m still here. We’re all still here.”

“But you almost died.”

“Like I said. I’m still here. We’re all still here. Everyone knows what Tigerclaw did now, and he can’t hurt anyone anymore.” He didn’t tell either of his friends he was trying to convince them as much as he was himself. 

Ravenpaw sniffed a few times. “I guess. I just wish you didn’t get hurt like this.”

Firepaw smiled as much as he could. “I’ll be okay if you’ll be okay.”

Ravenpaw’s fur quivered, then tears spilled from his eyes. He moved his paw to place it on top of Firepaw’s. 

“Guess I’d better try to get better as much as I can. I swear by the stars, Firepaw, you’d better be okay.”

“I’ll hold you to that.” Graypaw sniffled, placing his paw against Firepaw’s. “But seriously, don’t ever do that to us again.”

The ginger cat couldn’t help the purr that rumbled in his throat. For the first time since he’d woken up, he truly felt safe and happy. 

…

He wasn’t sure how long they had been sitting together for when the other apprentices were called away again. Unfortunately, the three of them spending time together wouldn’t fill the fresh-kill pile. Firepaw wished more than anything that he could have gone with them, to just get out into the forest again and move and prove that he would be okay, but Yellowfang hadn’t given him the go-ahead to walk, let alone hunt. Not that he even thought he could, his legs still felt as though they would split in half if he tried to leave the den. 

“Any requests?” Ravenpaw asked him as he stood up to leave. 

Firepaw tried to brush him off, but Ravenpaw insisted. 

“You saved my life. I’d catch a fox if you asked me to.”

“I’ll settle for a vole, then.”

Ravenpaw nodded happily before starting out of the den. 

He didn’t make it more than three steps before he came face to face with a pale tabby. 

He and Longtail stood frozen in place for a moment, each seemingly waiting for the other to step aside. In the end, it was Longtail who moved aside, making room for both Ravenpaw and Graypaw to walk out through the stone entrance. 

It was quick, but Firepaw didn’t miss the cold glare Graypaw gave Longtail as he left.

Chapter 2: More Than You Could Ever Know

Summary:

Longtail lowered his head. “I don’t know, I…”
“I’m not going to deliver your words to him. If you have something to say, you say it.”
The tabby took a moment to let her words sink in. He returned his gaze to the ginger apprentice, drew in a long breath, then let it out was a heavy-hearted,
“I’m sorry.”
His chest deflated as he spoke, as if he were releasing a massive weight from inside of him.
Firepaw tilted his head. “For…?”
“Everything.”

Notes:

Sorry for the long wait. Hope you guys enjoy!

For a few heartbeats, the tabby warrior didn’t move from where he stood. He glanced back and forth, between Firepaw and the empty space behind him. The ginger apprentice began to wonder if he had to get ready for another conversation or if he could put his head down. 

“You can come in now.” Yellowfang’s voice shattered the odd silence between them. “If nothing else, then at least stop dragging your paws in the clearing.”

Awkwardly, Longtail ducked his head and stepped inside. Conversation it was.

Eventually. Longtail took a few moments to sit down at the edge of Firepaw’s nest. His tail swept over his paws and his eyes stayed focused on the ground. 

An odd feeling of tension began to prickle under Firepaw’s pelt. He wasn’t used to Longtail being quiet for this long. Normally he’d only do so if he was waiting for Tigerclaw to finish speaking. Well, nothing stopping you now . 

Longtail swallowed and cast a slight glance upwards at the apprentice. 

“So…”

Firepaw tilted his head. “So?”

Deep down, he was ready for Longtail to snort something about him being a soft-hearted kittypet. He wasn’t ready for him to look up with big, round eyes, and murmur, 

“How are you feeling?”

A beat of silence passed. He wasn’t entirely sure how to answer. 

“It hurts, but…I’m here, I guess?”

He waited for the snide comment, the jab about how a real warrior would be able to shrug off anything like this. Instead, Longtail just stared at the cobwebs covering half of his face. His green eyes glittered with…shame, maybe? Firepaw couldn’t quite tell. Was he remorseful for having followed Tigerclaw after finding out he was a murderer?

“Huh.” Longtail sighed, then gave him the saddest smile Firepaw had ever seen. “I’m glad you’re okay.”

An uneasy swirl of emotions curled inside the apprentice’s chest. Moons ago, he thought that getting any kind of praise from Longtail would have set his soul ablaze with pride. Now, it felt almost as though he had awoken to another kind-hearted cat wearing the tabby’s face. 

When Firepaw didn’t respond, Longtail tapped the tip of his tail against the ground. He glanced around the den, settling for a long, hesitant moment on Yellowfang. The medicine cat huffed. 

“What are you looking at me for?”

Longtail lowered his head. “I don’t know, I…”

“I’m not going to deliver your words to him. If you have something to say, you say it.”

The tabby took a moment to let her words sink in. He returned his gaze to the ginger apprentice, drew in a long breath, then let it out was a heavy-hearted,

“I’m sorry.”

His chest deflated as he spoke, as if he were releasing a massive weight from inside of him. 

Firepaw tilted his head. “For…?”

“Everything.” There was a bit of a catch in his throat. “The way I treated you when you first came into camp, the way I acted since then, like you didn’t deserve to be here, I’m sorry I…” He had to take a shaky breath before saying, “I’m sorry I didn’t protect you like I should’ve.”

Firepaw blinked. 

Okay now, where was the punchline? Where was the part where Longtail was somehow going to spin this into some mean-spirited joke about how Firepaw never should have been here in the first place?

Now the warrior was staring at him with clouded eyes, and the stretch of silence between the two of them just kept getting longer. 

“It’s okay if you don’t forgive me,” Longtail began.

“No, it’s fine…” Firepaw muttered, only because he wasn’t sure what else to say. 

“No, it’s not.” The warrior choked. “I…I was…” His voice strangled into something unintelligible before he cleared his throat. “I was your mentor. I was supposed to protect you.” He looked away, unable to hide his shameful gaze from the apprentice. 

He was his mentor, wasn’t he. Firepaw had almost forgot. 

The apprentice stared awkwardly at his paws as Longtail’s breathing spiraled off into soft sobbing. After the silence got just a little too long, he stretched his paw out just beside Longtail’s. 

“Look, I get why you feel bad, but it’s not your fault for what Tigerclaw did. You didn’t have any control over what happened.”

The cloudy look in Longtail’s eyes suddenly cleared, and a cold, hollow light sparked behind his gaze. He looked back at Firepaw, the beginnings of words dying on his tongue, before he finally stopped himself. He took a deep breath, and tried to stand up a little straighter. 

“I…I’m going to be better to you from now on.”

Once again Firepaw didn’t know how to respond. 

“I’ll try to be the mentor you deserve-if you still want me to be your mentor.”

“Oh, uh…thanks…” Firepaw muttered. His gaze shifted down to his cobweb-wrapped flank. “Though it’s…it’s probably going to be a while before I can train again.”

“That’s okay. That’ll give us time to figure things out.” Longtail replied quickly. 

Firepaw wasn’t quite sure the warrior had caught the uncertainty in his voice. Even if he did recover, what were the chances he could still pass his warrior training? His whole body hurt just from moving now, how could he even hope to hunt or fight? 

Seemingly sensing his apprehension, the tabby lowered his head. “I won’t lie to you, I…I don’t know a lot about being a mentor. All I really know is how to show other cats what I already know.” He drew in a long, shaky breath. “But the past few days have changed…a lot of what I think.” He met the apprentice’s emerald gaze. “I’m willing to learn whatever I need to learn to help you.”

Maybe it was the persistent dizziness, but Firepaw wasn’t yet sure that this wasn’t a dream. Everything Longtail said was laced with warmth and promise, and yet he couldn’t quite believe that he meant any of it. Longtail has never been a patient cat. That hadn’t changed, even after Firepaw had learned everything that a normal warrior would. No matter how many successful hunting trips, how many rounds of battle training he’d won, even after becoming his mentor, Longtail had always adamantly insisted that Firepaw would never be of any value to the clan. 

Something cold twisted inside Firepaw’s stomach. How could he ever expect Longtail to make good on these promises…when everything he’d said about him before might now be true?

Without realizing, a choked cry wrenched its way from out of Firepaw’s throat. Immediately, Longtail’s eyes widened. He glanced to the back of the den-at Yellowfang, Firepaw guessed-then back at him, uncertainty in his gaze. 

Finally, Firepaw managed to force out a few trembling words. “Are you really willing to do it?”

Longtail paused for a moment. Then, a reassuring smile lifted the corners of his face. He lifted his paw and gently placed it over Firepaw’s. 

“However long it takes.” He purred. “We’ll get through this together-”

“Longtail,” Spottedleaf interrupted suddenly. Her tone was flat, not betraying any emotion. “I need to gather more herbs. Could you join me?”

The tabby blinked in surprise. “Now?”

“Yes, now.”

“Oh. Um…okay.” 

Longtail scrambled awkwardly to his paws and followed behind Spottedleaf as she padded out of the den. He cast a quick glance behind his shoulder, mewing a quick “I’ll come check up on you soon.” Before disappearing into the clearing.

Firepaw kept him in his sight just until the black tail tip finally faded from view, if for nothing else than to make sure that it really was the same sharp-tongued warrior he’d known all these moons. 

An unfamiliar feeling flurred in his chest as he set his head back down. Even if it was who he’d least expected, one cat wanted to help him get better. Not just heal, not just recover, but help him train again, regain his strength and adapt his skills. In the back of his mind, something told him there was more to this, that Longtail couldn’t truly mean everything he’d said. But for now, Firepaw would take the little hope he could get. 

…

“Alright, go ahead. Just, try not to overwhelm him.”

Firepaw awoke to the faint sound of Bluestar’s voice. He wasn’t sure exactly how long he’d been asleep for, but the shadows outside told him it hadn’t been more than an hour or two. 

Without wasting a second, Ravenpaw padded in through the den entrance, proudly carrying a vole in his jaws. Graypaw followed close behind, followed by-to Firepaw’s surprise-Sandpaw and Dustpaw. 

For a moment, the two older apprentices took in the sight that Firepaw imagined he was, their eyes just as wide and round as Longtail’s had been (Firepaw supposed he was going to have to get used to that) until Sandpaw’s gaze finally turned to Firepaw’s face, and she gave a gentle smile. 

“Hey,” She murmured. “Glad to see you’re awake.” Firepaw waited for the sharp-edged kittypet to follow, but it never came. 

Dustpaw just dropped a bundle of feathers by his nest and glanced at the wall. “We brought you these.”

If seeing Longtail apologize wasn’t strange enough…

Ravenpaw set the vole down at his paws. “As requested.” He purred. 

It suddenly occurred to Firepaw that he hadn’t eaten since before the fateful hunting trip. His stomach had felt as though it had been tearing itself apart since he woke up, but the pain just blended in with that of all his other wounds. 

Dipping his head gratefully, Firepaw tore off a mouthful of vole meat and chewed-

The meat pressed against the tender part of his gum, sending ripples of pain through his jaw and a metallic taste in his maw. Firepaw nearly choked. Immediately, he spat out the mouthful and hung his head with his jaws open, still gasping in pain. 

He could feel the concerned stares of the other apprentices weighing against his back. So badly, he wanted to reassure them, tell them he was fine, but…Starclan, he just needed his jaw to stop hurting first…

“Here,” Yellowfang offered, stepping just to his side. She pushed the mouse to the left. “Try biting with this side of your mouth.” 

Firepaw did as she said. It felt a bit awkward, biting with the side of his jaw instead of the front, but it didn’t hurt nearly as much. 

“And keep your head tilted that way when you chew.”

He followed. There was a strange, dizzying pressure against his right jaw as he chewed. Spottedleaf had told him that part of his jaw might’ve been swollen. 

A water-soaked wad of moss plopped onto the ground in front of him. 

“This might help.” Yellowfang mewed. 

Firepaw lapped a few drops from the moss before swallowing. She was right, it did help soften the meat a little bit. 

The other apprentices settled down in front of him as he ate. 

“So,” Firepaw murmured between mouthfuls. “What happened while I was out?”

Dustpaw and Sandpaw both looked askance, and Firepaw could’ve sworn he saw the molly dig her claws into the ground. Even the other two looked uncomfortable. 

Sandpaw started slowly. “You know that Tigerclaw-”

“I know that part already.” He interrupted. “Tell me what happened after.”

A relieved expression lit Ravenpaw’s face. He opened his mouth to speak, then glanced at Graypaw. HIs storm-colored friend just nudged his side. 

“If you won’t tell him, I will.”

“Tell me what?”

“Bluestar’s our new mentor!” Ravenpaw’s mew could light up the sky at midnight.

“Wait, really?” Firepaw tilted his head, but even he couldn’t hold back a smile. 

“Yep!” Graypaw purred. “She announced it yesterday morning. She’s mentoring both of us now, since I never officially got a new one.”

“I guess she wanted to make up for…well…”

Firepaw just nodded. He didn’t need Ravenpaw to finish the sentence. 

Starclan, he hadn’t even thought about how Ravenpaw must’ve been feeling. He’d been so focused on his fellow apprentice’s survival, he hadn’t even considered just how much it must’ve hurt him inside to know his mentor wanted him dead. 

Deep down, he wondered if Bluestar truly believed she could undo all of the damage Tigerclaw had done, or if she just didn’t trust any other warrior to keep Ravenpaw and GRaypaw safe after all that had happened. 

Graypaw lowered his head. “Other than that…”

“It’s been tough.” Sandpaw interrupted. The flash in her pale green eyes told Firepaw that there was more she wanted to say, but she refused to let out another word. 

“That’s a good way of putting it.” Dustpaw nodded. “After the trial, they just told us to go inside our den and not look outside until they told us to. When we got outside the next morning, Tigerclaw was just…gone.” The tawny apprentice seemed to deflate a little just saying those words. “No body, barely a trace of blood. Nobody even wanted to say his name anymore. It was like he was never even there.”

“I don’t think that’s how everyone else felt about it.” Sandpaw hissed, her ears flattened against her head. 

“I know, I know…” Dustpaw nodded, never taking his eyes off the ground. “The whole clan’s been down since it happened. Losing Tigerclaw would’ve been bad enough, but after Ravenpaw told us the truth, and after, well…you…” He shrugged sadly. “Hardly any cat wanted to do anything. It was all just so much.”

“Except Patchpelt, that is.” Graypaw added.

Firepaw tilted his head. “Patchpelt?”

“Oh. Yeah.” Sandpaw huffed. “Patchpelt came out of retirement. Said he wanted to do all he could to make sure the clan stayed safe.”

“So, that’s where we are now.” Dustpaw sighed.

His saddened gaze stayed on the ground until Ravenpaw’s tail brushed his side. Graypaw looked at Firepaw with a more upbeat expression. 

“It’s been a lot better since you woke up.” He purred. “Everyone’s had a little more hope.”

“Isn’t that the truth.” Sandpaw agreed.

“Speaking of which,” Graypaw perked up with a questioning look. “Did Longtail come in here earlier?”

“Yeah.” Firepaw nodded. “Right after you, actually.”

A sudden hush fell over the other apprentices. All of a sudden. Firepaw’s pelt began to feel hot. 

“What?”

Something furious was burning in Graypaw’s eyes. Sandpaw’s claws were once again driven into the ground. Ravenpaw just stared at the ground, his expression unreadable. Dustpaw just shifted his paws anxiously. 

“I guess we just…didn’t think you’d want to see him…”

“Why not?” Something nagged at the back of Firepaw’s mind. What weren’t they telling him? “I mean sure, he’s never been nice, but it’s not like he-”

“What do you remember about the fight?” Ravenpaw’s careful mew suddenly cut him off. 

Oh. He hadn’t expected to be asked that just yet. The fight had been playing in the back of his mind all day, but everything he could recall was just a whirlwind of pain and slashing claws. 

He shrugged. “I just remember fighting Tigerclaw as long as I could. I don’t even think I realized when it stopped.”

Silence fell over the other four apprentices once again, each of them looking like they’d just seen a monster trample a cat right in front of them. Every fur on Firepaw’s pelt began to prickle against his skin. 

“What is it? What does any of this have to do with Longtail?”

“Firepaw…” Graypaw’s voice was like ice. “Longtail was there.”

“What?” Firepaw shook his head. That didn’t make any sense. “No, no that can’t be right. I don't remember him being there at all.”

“That’s because he didn’t do anything.” Ravenpaw added. “He just stood there.”

A cold uneasiness began to weigh inside Firepaw’s stomach. 

“What do you mean he just stood there?”

“We don’t know if he followed you there from the beginning, or if he showed up part way through the fight, but he was already there when Whitestorm got there. He didn’t do anything until Whitestorm had already pinned down Tigerclaw.”

Didn’t do anything. Those words echoed in Firepaw’s head. Longtail didn’t do anything. 

Oh. So that was the punchline. 

He’d been fighting Tigerclaw with everything he had inside of him. He’d been slashed, bitten, pummeled, thrown against the Thunderpath, nearly killed on the spot. He hadn’t even realized when the fight had stopped, but however long it had been going on for, Longtail had been there the whole time. And he’d just watched. 

“I’m sorry.” Graypaw sighed as he settled down next to his friend. “I didn’t realize you didn’t know.”

Firepaw barely processed what he was saying. All he could feel against the burning inside of him were the claws of a powerful warrior slicing through his skin and the green gaze of a tabby who didn’t even move. 

…

The burning inside of his chest hadn’t cooled even a little bit, even as the other apprentices left. Up until a few moments ago, he hadn’t even thought about what Longtail had been doing during the fight. Now, he almost wished he’d never found out. 

If he’d been able to leave the medicine den, he might’ve rushed into the forest just to shred something with his claws. He wasn’t sure he’d felt this kind of rage anywhere other than the heat of battle, and by Starclan, he hated it. This wasn’t the adrenaline that had taken over his body during the fight against the rats or Shadowclan, or the aggressive grief that gripped his heart on the day Lionheart died. This was the knowing that everything could’ve been better if someone had just done something, and they didn’t. And Firepaw didn’t think he could ever understand why. 

Every drop of blood that Firepaw had shred, every clawmark he’d carved into Tigerclaw, it had all been for Ravenpaw. He knew very well that it could’ve cost him his life. It might’ve already cost him so much. But he knew in his heart that if he hadn’t done it, Ravenpaw would’ve died. 

Except maybe it didn’t have to be that way. He could’ve had help. They could’ve beaten Tigerclaw right then and there, without going through nearly as much pain as he had. And great Starclan, what if he hadn’t been able to keep Tigerclaw back? What if he’d gotten away and managed to kill Ravenpaw? That blood would’ve been on Longtail’s paws just as much as Tigerclaw’s. And that sniveling excuse for a cat thought he had the right to come in all teary-eyed and say he was sorry. Say he’d be better to Firepaw. 

He might as well have fed him fox dung and called it a mouse. 

“We’re back.” Spottedleaf meowed as she padded back into the den, a bunch of herbs clasped in her jaws. 

“Took you long enough.” Yellowfang chuffed. 

Spottedleaf rolled her eyes. “Yeah. Well, you’re not gonna believe what happened while we were out.”

As if on cue, Longtail appeared at the den entrance. A sudden jolt shot through Firepaw’s heart, and he had to fight not to raise his hackles. Immediately, Firepaw noticed that one of his paws was raised off the ground, and he refused to put any weight on it as he walked into the den. 

The calico molly snorted. “The stupid furball tore his claw trying to catch a mouse with one eye shut.”

“I was trying to-” Longtail hissed in his defense, before cutting himself off. “Nevermind. Firepaw, there’s something I need to tell you.”

He lowered himself to the ground just in front of Firepaw’s nest. He took a deep breath, then began. 

“Firepaw, when you were fighting Tigerclaw at the Thunderpath, I…I was there. I followed you from the Great Sycamore, and then he attacked Ravenpaw, and…I just froze.” He swallowed hard before continuing. “I don’t even know if I really knew what was going on. I’d looked up to Tigerclaw my whole life, I never really thought he could do something like that. But that wasn’t any excuse.” He met Firepaw’s gaze with eyes clouded with guilt. “I’m so sorry. I should’ve done something.”

Firepaw let the mask fall. 

“So. You finally admit it.”

Longtail didn’t respond as the growl built in Firepaw’s throat. 

“You come in earlier, crying about how you were sorry, and you were going to do better.” The apprentice laughed bitterly. “What a joke.”

He raised his head just enough so that he was almost looking down at the warrior before him. “I don’t know how long I fought Tigerclaw for, but it was long enough for Ravenpaw to run to Sandy Hollow and back. During that time, you did the exact opposite of what a warrior is supposed to do and just let Tigerclaw tear into me. If what the others told me is true, you didn’t even lift a claw until they got back and Tigerclaw had already been dealt with. To top it all off, I didn’t even hear this from you.”

“I meant what I said-”

“Convenient how you didn’t bother saying what you were sorry for.” Firepaw wasn’t sure if he even wanted to look at the tabby right now. “You say you wanted to be better? You should’ve been better before!”

“I know.” Longtail hung his head solemnly. 

“You should’ve already known!” His voice broke at the end of the shout. “You did nothing because what? You froze? You were scared? To rot with that! Warriors are supposed to defend their clanmates. Every warrior in this clan has done that, even Yellowfang!” His tail lashed as he hissed. “Who, need I remind you, is a medicine cat who’s barely been here a season! You’re my Starclan-cursed mentor! It was your job to defend us!”

The spot where his left eye had been suddenly started to sting. 

“You think trying to hunt with one eye makes up for this? If you’d actually done something, maybe I wouldn’t have-”

His voice cut off, unable to form the right words. A sudden pain cut through his chest. Longtail almost seemed to shrink against his glare. Firepaw narrowed his eye. This cowardly excuse for a cat didn’t have the right to feel bad for himself after what he’d done. 

“And what if Tigerclaw had gotten Ravenpaw? What then? Would you have fought for him, or would you have let him die as well?”

Longtail didn’t answer. Firepaw let his growl rise into an angry yell, then break away into a cry. All of the anger inside of him gave way into a sudden, rushing deluge of sadness. 

Ravenpaw could’ve died. He might never get to be a warrior. And it was all his fault. 

No, no, it was all Tigerclaw’s fault. Tigerclaw had been the one who’d tried to kill them. 

But Longtail could’ve stopped it. 

A single, hot, anguished tear fell from Firepaw’s eye. 

“If it had been any cat other than me fighting Tigerclaw, would you have stepped in? Would you have helped anyone else?”

For a moment, Longtail was silent. Then, he meowed softly. 

“I’ve been asking myself that for two days now.”

Firepaw sniffed. Awesome. Great to know that his mentor might’ve helped him if he’d been someone else. 

“But even then,” Longtail continued. “I don’t know if I could’ve brought myself to fight Tigerclaw.”

A heavy sigh escaped Firepaw’s chest. He should’ve known that from the start. 

The tabby warrior slumped against the ground, his eyes distant. 

“The cat I was two days ago would’ve followed Tigerclaw to the ends of the earth. He would’ve hung onto any word, regardless of who it was about. He never would’ve believed he could’ve done anything like this. Not to you, or to Ravenpaw, or to Redtail. Stars above, I…” He swallowed hard. “I’m not sure I even believed it even as I saw it with my own two eyes.”

He pushed for a few moments, breathing shakily, then continued on. 

“Since then I’ve been…trying to figure myself out. I know it shouldn’t have taken something like that for me to realize just how awful I’ve been, but…” He looked down. “Since I realized the one I saw as everything standing for good turned out to be a murderer, I’ve been re-examining everything I’ve done and trying to figure out who I am without him. I did mean what I said before. I want to be better. And if you don’t forgive me, I understand.”

Firepaw didn’t answer. Longtail’s gaze flicked up to him for a moment, then back to the ground. 

“If you’ll still have me as your mentor, I promise, with everything inside of me, I will help you be a warrior. And if not…” He looked to the side. “I’ll make sure Bluestar gives you a mentor who will.”

Though Firepaw felt Longtail’s gaze return to him, he didn’t dare meet it. 

At this point, he almost would’ve given anything for that cat who’d challenged him on his first day in camp over this miserable wreck. At least then, he’d get some satisfaction out of proving him wrong. So many things he was promising to do, and yet the whole reason they were here was because of something Longtail should’ve done to begin with. Did he think any of this could redeem himself? He’d been willing to let Firepaw die. To let Ravenpaw die. He wasn’t fit to mentor any cat, let alone the one he’d challenged when he first came to camp. 

But what he’d said about Tigerclaw was true. He had been willing to follow him anywhere. Tigerclaw had been an inspiration to so many cats in the clan, Firepaw had seen just how defeated Dustpaw had been when he’d found out the truth. He didn’t doubt for a second that Longtail wasn’t the only cat in the clan questioning everything they’d ever known about him. 

Still, that wasn’t enough. Firepaw hadn’t even trusted Longtail before, and that had been before he’d been made his mentor. Before Longtail had just stood there while he’d fought the most powerful warrior in the clan, alone. What proof did he have that he’d ever make good on his words?

Slowly, his gaze drifted down to the still-bleeding claw on the warrior’s front paw. 

When the silence stretched on for a moment too long, Longtail started to stand up. 

“I’ll give you some time to thin-”

“Stop.” Firepaw held out his paw. Longtail froze where he was standing. When he had the tabby’s attention, he continued. 

“If you’re going to be my mentor, I want to make sure someone else is there while we’re training. Either Bluestar, or Whitestorm, or someone I can trust.”

Longtail paused for a moment, then nodded. 

“I’m going to hold you to your promise. If I don’t think it’s working, I will ask Bluestar for a new mentor.”

Longtail nodded again. His expression was difficult to read, but Firepaw could see a faint tear in the corner of his eye. The ginger apprentice leaned in as close as he could. 

“Don’t think I’m letting go of anything, Longtail. I don’t forgive you.” He bared his teeth as he uttered that sentence. “But if you say you want to be better, you have to show me that you are.”

Longtail swallowed his words like a bitter herb. 

“Yes. I understand.” The look in his eyes told Firepaw that he wished he could’ve been forgiven, but he already knew this was the likely outcome. “I’ll do everything I can to help you.”

“I hope you will.” Firepaw muttered as he settled back down.

With a shaky breath, Longtail stood up and dipped his head to Firepaw. “Yes. And thank you.”

With that, he padded out through the den entrance and disappeared into the clearing. 

Firepaw felt Yellowfang’s tail against his shoulder.

“You didn’t have to do that, you know.”

The apprentice shrugged. “He wants a second chance, he’ll have to earn one.”

At last, he let his head settle back down. He hadn’t taken so much as a pawstep today, but between the pain, fear, joy, anger, sadness, and coldness the day had brought him, he was absolutely exhausted. He felt Yellowfang’s tongue smoothing out the fur he hadn’t even realized he’d ruffled. For a moment, he closed his eyes and just let himself enjoy the feeling. 

After a few more moments, she stopped and settled down by his side. She met his eye with a solemn expression. 

“You know this is going to be a long, difficult road for you.”

Firepaw nodded. 

“I know.”

“It’s going to take a long time to recover, and longer still to adapt to hunting and fighting with your injuries.”

“I know.” Firepaw mewed. He took a deep breath. The rage had faded, but something else sparked within his chest. “But I came here to be a warrior, and that’s what I’m going to do.”

Notes:

For those of you wondering when the next update will be, I'm not sure. I have ideas of where the story is going, but I'm not sure which parts of them I want to make into actual installments.
I'm working on a lot of personal projects right now, and at the moment, this is one thing that I can put off for the time being. Hopefully, I will be able to update reasonably soon, but don't expect anything within the next month.
That being said, I hope you enjoyed. I wasn't quite sure how Firepaw would expressed the jumbled-up emotions inside of him right now, so hopefully it came through clearly. At the moment, he isn't yet ready to forgive Longtail (and Longtail doesn't really deserve it yet), but he does want to see if he's actually committed to being better.

Notes:

Enjoy the happiness. There's more angst yet to come.
(Also don't worry, losing his eye can't stop Firepaw from becoming a warrior, it's just something he's afraid of while he's recovering. I hope I wrote what it's like to see after losing an eye accurately.)

Chapter 2 will hopefully be out soon.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays!

Series this work belongs to:

• Part 5 of Scars That Bind