Chapter Text
Chapter 1: I Want to Live
( Borislav Slavov, 2023, BG3 OST )
She's not here. There's maybe… Ten seconds left before the bell rings? Weird. She's been late a lot lately.
Tick.
Tick.
Tick.
B B R R R I I I N N N G G G ! ! !
And there's the bell. Late again.
Dr. Ratio's eyebrow twitches in irritation, his gaze fixed on the empty seat in his class. He hated tardiness, and for the most part, no one dared be absent unless they were truly, violently ill.
Mainly because the amount of makeup work would be staggering , because the good Doctor had never learned the meaning of the word restraint.
“Mr. Levant.” He intones, his absolutely ripped arms crossed in displeasure that's aimed at me- why?
I sit ramrod straight in my chair, my gaze flitting from her vacant seat to my teacher.
“Yes sir!?” I yelp, panicked. Why is he singling me out? I was here on time!
“Answer this question, Ms. Shirai lives five-point-eight miles away from the school. She drives her car to school, at an average of forty miles an hours. How long would she take to get here, assuming no traffic, no stops, and that the rate of speed stays constant?”
…Class had started literally ten seconds ago.
And I really gotta wonder why Dr. Ratio knows so much about her location and transportation methods, but I'm quick to solve the question. It's not a difficult one, all it takes is a little mental math.
“Eight minutes, Sir. Give or take a few seconds.”
“Correct. Five points, now, Ms. Shirai has been late three times this week-”
That's when the door slams open, and a fluffy ivory haired girl bursts into the classroom. She's sweating, evidently having ran here. Her tie’s half undone, her skirt ruffled and riding up a little bit, and her stockings are torn halfway up her calf. She looks like she lost a fight with thorny bush.
“I'm so sorry I'm late! My car broke down, I had to run all the way here- Ack-!”
Before she can finish her excuse, she recoils, having taken a piece of chalk to the face. She rubs the spot where it impacted, a sheepish expression on her face.
I sigh. Firefly…
Yep. Firefly Shirai. Longtime best friend, complete klutz, resident school beauty (Among many others, to be honest) and captain of the New Babylon High Boxing Club.
A sweetheart in a thousand different ways, always offering a kind hand before thrashing someone into the mat like they just shot her dog.
She could be your angle, or you devul, as it were.
“Please, take a seat, Ms. Shirai. Your excuse can wait until after class.” Dr. Ratio drawls, annoyance very, very clear in his tone. He wasn't one to keep his feelings quiet. An aspect both very admirable, and very scary.
She grimaces, swallowing hard in anticipation of the earful she'll no doubt get, but bows all the same,”Yes, Sir.”. She turns to go to sit, walking down the aisle to the desk beside mine. I give her a look, you know, the teasing,” I'm your best friend and I think your misfortune is funny.” look.
She cheekily sticks her tongue out at me the second Dr. Ratio looks away, pulling on one of her eyelids to further illustrate her irritation at me.
I raise an eyebrow in response, amused. Daring indeed, Bug, to pull such a thing behind the famously sadistic doctor's back. You're already on thin ice and yet you're willing to-
Ack!
I recoil as a piece of chalk impacts my skull. I turn to find our teacher glowering at the both of us.
“Ms. Shirai, Mr. Levant… If you two could pause your childish flirtation until after class, I believe we would all be appreciative.”
Firefly and I both turn a very embarrassing shade of red at the implication, as everyone around us snickers. Traitors, the lot of them. Especially since I know they happen to enjoy our,”Childish Flirtation”, as the doctor calls it.
This is evidenced by the betting pool regarding who'll confess to who they think we don’t know about.
“Yeah, get a room, you two!” Shouts my awful, awful sister, apparently thinking she’s not going to immediately face repercussions for doing so.
Before,”Ack!”
She catches a piece of chalk to the face as well.
“You be quiet as well, Ms. March.” Ratio intones calmly.
“Yes Sir…” She says, rubbing her red forehead. Karma.
XxX
Summer came early this year. Pleasant spring breezes fading into the oppressive humidity of the longest, most painful season of the year.
I really don't like Summer. It's bad enough in the countryside, from what I hear, but here in New Babylon? All the industry just makes things even hotter.
Call me crazy, I like my weather cool and crisp, with falling leaves and chilly nights.
But there is one perk to Summer, and that is, without a doubt: my school's summer uniforms.
Honestly, they're nothing crazy. People just ditch their blazers and wear slightly thinner shirts, but the simple fact is that Firefly looks really, really good in a white dress shirt. Say what you will about bikinis, lingerie, racy formal wear, but I like the simple things in life.
…And the other things, but uniforms are a hell of a lot more accessible.
“So… Car broke down?” I prompt between bites of my sandwich.
We always eat lunch on the roof, Firefly and I, along with our other friends. Firefly and I tended to lean up against the big concrete block that the AC vents are built into, since it serves as a surprisingly comfortable backrest.
She sighs, messy white hair flowing down the sides of her head, framing her face so perfectly.
Oh, did I mention I've been crushing on this girl hard since the day we met?
Guess not. Though, maybe the over describing of her appearance clued you in a bit.
“Yeah… Really screwed me. Engine wouldn't turn over.”
“Sucks.”
“Yeah.” She takes a bite from her bento, no doubt one she cooked herself. Now, I'm competent in the kitchen (I live alone, I kinda have to be.), but Firefly is a lot better. Also, she actually had the energy to cook often. Me? I'm lazy.
“Were you able to find out what the problem was?” Asks Dan Heng, my “Cool” friend, who is actually a really cool guy who just happened to fit the archetype. He's all dark and broody, the mysterious type, y'know? Explains why half the girl's in my school are harboring a crush on the guy.
“Not yet. Think there's something wrong with the intake though, since the engine wouldn't start.”
Then her face falls,”Or the battery’s just dead…”
I pat her on the shoulder,”Cheer up, Bug,” I say, reaching into my lunchbox, searching for the one thing that is sure to quell a sad Bug's woes.
Namely, baked goods.
”Here, have a cookie-”
She snatches it out of my hand before I can even finish my sentence. It vanishes into her mouth. I lament the loss for a quick second. I never even had the chance to say goodbye.
“That's why you're my favorite, Caelus.” She says, beaming at me, which makes my heart skip one hell of a beat. I'm stunned for a second, unable to tear my eyes away-
Until I hear a camera-shutter click. Both Firefly and I turn our gaze to, who else, but March 7th.
Beyond having a peculiar name, March was significant due to her basically being my sister. We’d both been adopted by the same woman (Himeko Murata… More on her later) within a few months of each other, and we were the same age, so it stood to reason we spent a fair bit of our childhood together.
“Wow, you guys are so cute together. When are you getting together, finally?” She asks, grinning cheekily from behind her bright blue camera. Once upon a time this had an effect on us, but March's teasing is so routine at this point, that Firefly and I don't even budge.
Look, I love Firefly. Like, a lot, but not to the point where I will risk losing everything we have, when there’s a good chance she won’t feel the same way. I base this off of her profusely denying the fact when we were younger, and my utter inability to press her on this issue in any capacity.
We're friends. Best friends. It’s fine that way.
I really wish March would stop bringing the topic of dating up.
But as basically my sister, it was her job to drive me crazy.
“Aw man-” March pouts,”You guys aren't even reacting anymore! No fun.”
“That's because we're used to it by now, March.” Firefly says, no small amount of annoyance coloring her tone.
“Yeah,” I say, in the same tone,”You need to get some new material.”
“You could at least blush like you did in class.” March complains.
I roll my eyes,”The blushing came from the embarrassment of it being Dr. Ratio throwing it out there.”
And then, strangely, Firefly blushes.
“...We weren't even flirting anyway. He was making fun of me.” She whines.
“You started it.” I state, refusing to let my character be slandered.
“I did not!” She exclaims.
“Agree to disagree.” I say, keeping my voice level.
“I'll kill you.”
There it is. The classic death threat, a hallmark of all modern friendships. She could probably do it, too. There's silence for a second before Firefly sighs, dismissing March's antics (As one does), before turning to me.
“I'd rather not do this here , but we're still on for tonight, right?” She asks the all-important question as her smile returns to her face. I returned it.
I nod,”Of course. Been looking forward to it all day.”
“Oh they fucking!” Comes from the mouth of a certain pink-haired nuisance.
A powerful, unisonous cry is our impassioned response.
“SHUT UP, MARCH!”
XxX
When I slam my locker shut, I'm met with the violet-eyed gaze of Bronya Rand, a second ago, hidden perfectly behind the stained metal of my locker door.
And I yelp, jumping out of my skin, because why the fuck is she standing like a horror movie monster?
And she yelps because I do, also jumping out of her skin. It’d be a real meet-cute if we hadn’t already known each other for two and a half years. The shock starting to wear off, we each take a good few deep breaths, before I ask, with a bit of exasperation, “Aeons, Bronya. Were you trying to scare me?”
Bronya gives me a sheepish look, her face flushes a bright red as she's clearly a little embarrassed at her very unladylike half-shriek just a few seconds ago.
“No, not at all. Sorry.” Bronya says, her tone as sincere as it always is. It’s not like I’m actually mad anyway. It’d probably be pretty funny if it happened to someone else. As for me? My heart’s still racing.
Still, I rub my head,”It's fine… What's going on Bronya? Need more advice on how to woo a certain basketball player?”
Bronya blushes, because going straight for that is the best way to throw her off balance. Figured she deserved it for spooking me. It’s also just incredibly entertaining to see Ms. Composed Student Council President crack a little. It’s all in good fun, I promise. If Bronya ever needs to go for the jugular with me, she knows exactly who to bring up.
Ah, the law of Equivalent Exchange. What would friendship be without it?
“Not today, no…” She mutters, suddenly finding her shoes incredibly interesting. Fair enough, they are pretty nice.
Oh, wow, she's really blushing.
It's not surprising that her massive crush on Seele, a girl on our school's basketball team, is such a weak point for her. Bronya was sort of… Repressed when I first met her. Overworked from her duties to the student council, and stressed from her mother's expectations (Bronya was heir to Belobog Heavy Industries, a corporation her family had owned for generations. We were alike in that way, being corporate scions. Not that she knew that.), romance wasn't something she ever really had time to think of until recently. And it was kind of expressly forbidden in every capacity. So, naturally after we beat up some people together in a weird bout of vigilante justice that we seem to repeat at least once a year, I ended up talking to her mom (Who pegged my true identity in literal seconds . Never piss off Cocolia Rand), convincing her to trust Bronya, and to let her lead something of her own life.
…Actually a pretty fun story, but it’s one for another day. With the assistance of a couple flashbacks.
“So what's going on then?” I ask, moving past my introspection and hoisting my backpack up from the ground.
“I do need your help with… Something.” The purposeful vagueness is weird, but not unheard of.
“Are you available after school today?” She asks.
I am not, actually. I hate to bail on her, since she rarely does so to me, but I did make these plans first, and I owe my time to the commitments I've already made.
I shake my head, grimacing,”Sorry, Bronya, I'm working tonight. It's not urgent, is it?”
Bronya frowns, clearly a little disappointed, but shakes her head,”No. Not urgent. Not deathly urgent, at least.”
I check my mental calendar, and find that the rest of the week is mostly clear. It's Wednesday, and I don't work Thursdays and Fridays. I'm hanging out with Firefly tonight, having dinner with March and Himeko on Friday, but tomorrow… Yeah, tomorrow's clear.
“Tomorrow's free.” I say, not failing to notice how Bronya lights up,”Is that good for you?”
Bronya nods,”It is. Thank you, Caelus.”
I give her a smile,”Don't thank me yet, I haven't even helped you yet.”
“But you will. Just like always.” She argues.
And I guess she's right. Me and Bronya have gone through some shit together. Stuff we probably shouldn't have. Stuff way above her non-existent pay grade. Stuff the cops probably should have handled.
But we've had each other's backs, and that's counted for a lot.
“I guess you're right.” I say,”See you tomorrow, Bronya.”
“Farewell.” She says, before turning on her heel and getting on her way.
“And say hi to Seele for me!” I call out behind her, a wry smile crossing my lips.
She lets out a scandalized eep! sound, and I walk away chuckling. She's too easy to fluster. And way too cute. How Seele's as blind as she is to Bronya's clumsy flirtation, I have no idea.
XxX
“-Just don't bother. It's an overpriced POS. I recommend the ST-23-S. Much better bang for your buck, and it doesn't have a proprietary OS. You can download pretty much anything onto it.”
The sales pitch rolls of my tongue naturally. It's easy, since it's all true.
Here's a groundbreaking concept: People like authenticity. That's something I've learned in my relatively short life. No one likes a poser, a grifter, or a serial liar. That's why I tell people the truth, the honest, occasionally brutal truth, whenever I can.
Firefly not included.
Fu Xuan smiles at me, bubblegum pink hair tied up in its usual elegant style. She goes to my school, and she's the same year as I am, actually. Also, She's not nearly as bitchy as she looks, (Which is, and I'm sorry Fu, very, very bitchy.) Standoffish, a bit of a know-it-all, and occasionally a tad egotistical, but certainly not a bitch.
She's also quite appreciative of my honesty. What’d I tell you?
“I'll take your word, Caelus. Thank you.” She smiles at me, taking the packaged smartphone from me, and that smile is dangerous, she's got me blushing. The funniest thing is, she's not even flirting. She's just cute and hot. A hard line to toe, but toe it she does.
Making me blush… That's not an easy feat. I'm a pretty suave guy (He said, lying his ass off), but a cute, and at the risk of repeating myself, impossibly elegant girl smiling at anyone is probably enough to make them blush.
“My associate'll ring you up at the counter. Been a pleasure doing business.” I say with my best non-fake service smile.
“Indeed it has.” She turns, and it's hardly a sashay (It's definitely not meant to be one), but the way she walks is so naturally captivating. How does she do it…
She walks over to the counter, where March is ready to happily ring her up. She winks at me, knowing that I've closed yet another lucrative sale in less than five minutes.
See, the thing about me, is that I am an incredible salesman.
Like I said, people appreciate authenticity. Especially the type of authenticity that keeps them from wasting their own hard-earned money.
Well, not hard earned in Fu Xuan’s case, rich parents and all- But there's no grudge there. If she was a bitch, there certainly would be, but as a member of the student council, she's done a lot to help fund programs at our school that matter to a lot of people. Not to mention how much time she dedicates to tutoring underclassmen, and helping make sure they succeed.
So she gets a pass on the obligatory trust-fund baby resentment.
March rings her up, and it's nice to hear my next commision check'll be a bit fatter. March shoots me a smile, and I know all-too-well she's gonna be mooching off me even harder for the next week or two.
Not that I mind. That's part and parcel when it comes to being friends with March 7th, and it's totally worth every cent.
But this check is gonna be big . I've made a ton of sales in the last month. Maybe I'll finally ask Firefly out. Take her somewhere nice. Somewhere stupidly expensive. A place a girl like her deserves to eat at every night.
Pfft. Yeah right. I'm more likely to get shot than I am to actually ask Firefly out.
I sigh. Just a few hours, and I'll be able to ditch my uniform and get to my plans with her tonight. Not a date. Just a casual hang out at my place, because I'm too much of a coward to tell the girl I've been crushing on since middle school that I'm into her.
Very suave, like I said.
Then of course, my thoughts are interrupted by my phone ringing. It's a MIDI cover of Robin's " If I can Stop One Heart From Breaking .” Firefly's favorite song.
And one of like, three of Robin’s songs that I don't aggressively hate. Yeah. I’m a little bitch, I know.
I pull my phone from the pocket, it's in a sleek silver case with yellow accents, one March custom made for me. The caller ID is blank, so I've got no clue who's calling.
Probably someone trying to reach me about my car’s extended warranty.
I accept the call, figuring I can at least fuck with a scammer, and put the phone to my ear.
“‘Yello?”
“ Caelus.”
The voice on the other end makes me freeze, the hair on the back of my neck standing on end.
Not out of fear. No. Anger.
I go to end the call.
“ Please don't hang up.”
I grimace. Why shouldn't I? She didn't deserve my time. Not after the five years she spent not giving me a second of hers.
But I'm still putting my phone back to my ear, because I guess some part of me still wants to hear this
“What?” I snarl, venom leaking into my voice like it would into a snake's fang.
“ I'd like to get dinner with you tonight. Once you get off work.” Her request is pitiful, her voice pained.
“ No thanks.” I say,”I've got plans.”
“ I… Tomorrow then?”
“No. Plans then too.” I say.
“ When are you free?”
“For you, Never.” It's harsh. As it should be.
There's a pause. I assume it's her trying to think of anything she can say to get me to look her in the eye ever again.
“ Caelus I'm… I'm sorry I wasn't there for you. Your father-”
“-Was trash . But he died that night. You didn't. You just decided I wasn't worth sticking around for.”
I see March freeze out of the corner of my eye, the topic I brought up being familiar to her.
She's quiet for a second.
“... I deserve that. I know you probably hate me-”
“ -Bingo.”
“ -And I know I wasn't there for you then, when you needed me most. I left home, I left you, and I'm sorry . But I'm-”
I'm tired of listening to her.
“-Here now? Well tough shit. I don't want you in my life, and now? I don't need you either. I've got my own life, away from you. You wanted to be my mom? You should have tried harder back then. I'm my own man now. Don't call again, Kafka.”
And then I hung up. I have nothing more to say to that woman. She wasn't my mother then, and she wouldn't be now either.
March catches my eye from across the store, a look of pity all across her face. I give her a smile, but I know that it looks more like a grimace.
She steps out from behind the counter, and sidles over to me. She knows how I always feel after she calls. March is good with emotions like that. Nobody can hide how they really feel from her.
“That… Sounds like it sucked.” She says, all too knowingly,”She's really still calling you? After what happened last month?”
I remember the event in question. When Kafka came to my door, a short, petite Silver Haired girl trailing behind her. It wasn't hard to tell their relationship.
I sigh, shaking my head,“Yeah. Guess she didn't get the hint. Besides, she's got a new kid now. Or… Whatever the hell that girl is to her…”
I shake my head. I guess I was just too much trouble. Too much of a bad memory.
Make no mistake, I despise that woman. I don't want to see her face, I don't want to hear her voice, and I certainly don't want a cent of her money.
But I only feel this way because of how she felt about me.
Because when she looks in my eyes, all she sees is a murderer.
XxX
Funnily enough, it's hearing her own name that hurts the most.
Kafka. Not mom. Never mom .
She sets the phone down, sighing exhaustedly. She was tired. Too tired. Too tired to call him back, and literally beg for him to come meet her for even a few minutes.
“Why do you even bother, Kafka?”
Silver Wolf’s blaśe tone is characteristic, so indicative of the perpetually snarky girl sitting on the sofa across from her, a handheld game console in her hands.
“Because he's my son, and I want him here with us.”
“He… I don't like the way he talks to you. And he's not exactly Hunter material.” Silver Wolf’s pout is adorable. Her concern for Kafka, even more so.
True enough, Caelus’ words cut deep. Especially when only a few of them are actually untrue. Kafka had run from her problems, and there was a time when she genuinely thought Caelus was one of them.
She knew better, now.
She couldn't bear being apart from him. It ate away at her, the separation, the resentment he held for her.
His hatred was justified. Of course it was. He had every reason to despise her, to want nothing to do with her, to wish she had never been his mother.
Kafka still missed him. Missed hearing his voice. Missed seeing his face. Missed the days when he wasn't working a dead-end job just to make ends meet.
She'd tried to remedy that last one. That had, if nothing else, brought him to her front door, only for her to catch an envelope full of every dollar she had sent to him, along with a venom filled order to leave him alone.
“...I ruined our relationship. Regardless of my… Other motives, I want to fix it.
Silver Wolf looks away from her game, meeting Kafka's gaze. There's sympathy in that girl's eyes, because she is a massive softie under that nonchalant veneer.
“...I'll help if I can.” She says, trying to keep any amount of vulnerability out of her voice.
Kafka smiles,”That's sweet of you, Wolfie.”
The silver-haired girl's cheeks burn a cute cherry red,” Don't call me that…” She mumbles.
Kafka ignores her request.
XxX
My shift doesn't last much longer, and I clock out with a weary sigh. You know, I actually like my job. I get paid pretty well, and I'm encouraged to actually sell quality products instead of trying to scam people.
I don't like getting a call from my…
Nah, not calling her that. Kafka isn't deserving of the title, especially when there's someone else who fits the bill way better.
Himeko Murata is my mother, for all intents and purposes. Emancipated I may be, but my respect for that woman is everlasting. She took March and I in when we had nothing and nobody, and she managed to coax us two trauma ridden kids out of their shells, and helped them gain a sense of normalcy that they thought they'd never see again.
March held the same feelings towards Himeko that I did. She never called herself our mom, but we knew she was.
“Hey…” March slips her hand into mine, her palm warm and soft. This kind of touch isn't unfamiliar for us. March and I have always been close. Closer than a lot of brothers and sisters are, as far as I can tell.
“You wanna come over for dinner tonight? Himeko's not cooking.”
I chuckle. Much as we loved Himeko, we also knew to keep her out of the kitchen as much as possible. I shake my head softly, before pressing an equally soft kiss to March's forehead, brushing back an errant strand of her bubblegum-pink hair.
“I'm okay. Promise. And I really do have plans.”
“I know. Firefly.”
“Yeah…”
“...Do you really wanna keep dancing around your feelings forever?”
“...It's not a matter of want, March.”
“What's that quote you're always saying?” She muses, and man , do I hate it when she quotes me to me,”Don't settle for the shadow, Cae. You've been head over heels for her since you were twelve. ”
I know she's right. I do.
But that doesn't make me any less of a coward. I don't say anything in response, and March just shakes her head in fond exasperation. She's familiar with my particular hangups when it comes to romance, which is to say that she's used to disappointment.
She steps away from me, flashing me one last smile,”I'll see you tomorrow. If you don't kiss her tonight, you're buying me ice cream.”
Guess I'll be dipping into the March 7th snack fund a little earlier than usual. She usually at least waits a few days.
XxX
I open my door to her smiling face. Firefly's radiant in the dim light of sunset, when her namesake are sparkling in the sky behind her.
She's got on a white sundress, made of that flowy, sleek fabric that makes her look ethereal. A pair of dark tights are underneath, along with… Man, those are cute. Her feet are adorned with a pair of brown Mary Janes.
Too cute. Way, way too cute, and if I didn't know any better, I'd think she dressed like this just for me.
“Hey Bug.” I say, smiling back at her.
“Hey yourself. Gonna let me in?”
“Dunno. You a vampire?”
“You got me. Now invite me in. ‘Swear I won't suck your blood.”
It's funny how little I'd mind that.
I chuckle a little, trying not to let my thoughts wander to how her sunset eyes sparkle as she steps past me.
“Better keep up,” She says, casting a look back at me as she removes her shoes, setting them in the rack,”I'm gonna smoke you tonight.”
And with that promise, I stop fawning over this girl. I stop thinking about how badly I want to kiss her, to hold her in my arms-
And I think about how badly I'm gonna beat her tonight.
I smirk at her, shaking my head, communicating one simple sentence.
No, you're not.
XxX
Firefly and I have simple tastes. Greasy, unhealthy food, comfy sofas, and video games.
Tonight? It's Armored Core.
Oh, one other thing. We both love Mecha. Because our ten year old selves got it right, giant robots are cool as fuck, and it was stupid for us to ever think otherwise.
“Get fucked.”
I say, because dual grenade launchers in For Answer are absolutely busted when fighting a lightweight. Especially when said lightweight is charging straight at you.
“Would it kill you to use a different build?” She exclaims, tossing the controller onto the coffee table.
“Have you considered not running a dual blade Lahire against a dual grenade Sunshine? Might produce better results.” I snark, laughing.
She glowers at me, and reaches down to the coffee table for another slice of pizza. She aggressively takes a bite as she glares at me. She's very careful. More so than usual. Probably doesn't wanna get grease on her pretty dress.
I never thought a strand of cheese trailing down a woman's chin could be attractive, but Firefly tends to prove me wrong on a lot of things.
Firefly and I… It's been forever since the day we met, and we've been practically inseparable. She's my best friend, full stop, end of story.
And as I've said, I've also been harboring a titanic sized crush on her for just as long.
I mean, it's hard not to crush on Firefly. Especially when you've known her as long as I have.
“I'm gonna kill you. In real life.” She states, having finished chewing.
I ignore her threat, and point at my own chin,”You've got something there.”
Her hand goes to her own chin, and her ears turn pink as she cleans herself off.
That's one of the things about Firefly. She's stupid adorable . So cute it's unfair. She's got a heart shaped face, pouty pink lips, and a heavenly smile. Her frown's even cute, as much as it pains me to see her actually frown . This glower? That's not a real frown, that's her teasing me.
“Still gonna murder you.” She says, turning her nose up and crossing her arms. She gives the impression of the typical bratty ojou-sama, which she really isn't.
Firefly… She doesn't talk about her home life. Fine by me. I don't either. We know each other well enough without talking about things we'd rather not think about.
“Sure you are. As soon as you stop running dual blades.” I say.
Then that faux-frown turns into something else. Something much more mischievous. A smile , and a particularly evil one.
“Bug?” I say, very real fear in my tone. That smile never means anything good.
And that's when she pounces, pinning me under her body, because she's wicked strong as well as being one of the most beautiful women I've ever met. She's got my wrists pinned down by my head, and her face is just inches from mine.
My cheeks burn as I explode into an atomic blush, because she is too close.
“ Bug?” I breathe, too surprised to formulate anything more.
“Told me to get fucked didn't you?” She says, her smile ferocious, instead of mischievous. I try to respond, but I just kind of open my mouth and close it again, no sound coming out.
I'm stunned. Enraptured. In love. Harder than diamonds-
Then my doorbell rings.
The spell's broken, Firefly's smile, that dangerous, beautiful thing disappears, replaced by a sheepish one. She climbs off of me, laughing nervously.
“Um… That-” She stammers, not able to process the thoughts she had in that moment (I can relate).
“-I need to go get the door.” I say, cutting through the awkwardness.
“Right.” She says, her hands going to her lap.
I get up from the couch, leaving the living room and going to the entranceway. I wonder who's at my door, given I live out in the boonies. Probably someone looking for directions. Maps are spotty out here.
I wonder if I blew it, by not kissing her right there. Why didn't I just ignore the damn doorbell?
I go to the big dark wooden door, and I slowly swing it open.
And on my porch stands a gorgeous (and buxom) lady. Raven hair, with bangs that part in the middle, framing a beautiful face with golden eyes (Eyes so much like mine, but aged , tired. Sickly), flawless pale skin, a green evening gown of glittering sequins, and long, sharp nails.
Though, one thing I note is the… Unnatural hue of that perfect skin. Grey, almost bluish, as if she's long dead.
“Caelus Mistral?” She asks, a sultry lilt to her voice, and how does she know that name? I haven’t gone by it in years.
“Levant, actually.” I correct,”Can I help you?” I ask. She isn’t the usual type that comes to my door. Typically it’s a frazzled looking twenty-something who’s lost in the same-y plains and woods that surround my property, not a gorgeous woman who looks like she’s on her way to a gala.
She smiles, those blue painted lips pursing so enticingly . I swear, I don’t mean to stare, but she’s sucking me in somehow, captivating me, even with Firefly just a few rooms away.
“I’m quite sure you can.” She says.
And then she pulls a revolver from a yet-unseen holster on her thigh. And before I have a chance to react, to yelp in surprise, in fear, its barrel is planted squarely on my forehead.
“Hush now, Mister Levant.” She says, like I would dare make a sound with a gun resting on my head,”Wouldn't want to startle anyone, would we? Not that you have much in the way of neighbors.”
“ Why?” I whisper, not understanding why the hell someone has a gun to my head . I'm not in a gang, I'm not rich, I'm not important so why the hell is this lady trying to kill me?
She cocks her head to the side, that pleasant smile now so cruel,” Someone wants you dead, and they paid me a not-insignificant sum to see that done.”
A contract killer. Not a crime of necessity or passion then. This is an execution . There's no bargain here. She's got a gun to my head, I'm unarmed and-
Firefly. Aeons, if this woman finds out she's here… Contract killers aren't known for leaving witnesses. She can't know. She can't.
“... Caelus? Who is it?” And Firefly's call, her concern for me, her longing for my company comes at the worst possible moment.
My eyes widen, and so do the eyes of the woman who's playing executioner.
“Do you have company?” She asks, the tiniest hint of teasing in her voice.
But this is no joke. I look the woman in her eyes and without a shred of hesitation or pride I beg ,”Please, take me, kill me, just leave her be. ”
“I can’t have any witnesses.” The woman says simply.
But that's not good enough. If I'm dying tonight, so fucking-be-it, but I'm not letting Firefly die too.
“And you won’t.” I promise,”I’ll close the door behind me, we’ll go out back, and you can put one between my eyes, she won’t see a thing.”
She considers it, her eyes shifting.
“The hit's for me, right?” I say, my tone still hushed,”You're not getting paid to kill her too. Just a waste of ammo, right?”
“A sound argument. Appeal to my frugality… Sad to say, Mister Levant, that I am not the frugal type.”
“Then let me appeal to your humanity, whatever you have left. Leave her be.”
“Caelus?” Firefly calls again, and please please please don't get up, don't come here, please Firefly I love you so much please please stay put.
The woman nudges the revolver barrel against my forehead a little harder,”Well? Answer her.”
I swallow, wetting my dry tongue, calling out loudly, in the most casual, relaxed tone I can muster,”It’s nothing, Bug. Just some guy looking for directions. Just gonna step out for a minute.”
She calls back, “Okay! Don’t take too long, or I’m gonna start farming kills off you!”
I force a laugh, and the words I say next are the hardest ones I've ever had to say,”Promise! I’ll be right back.”
I don't like lying. I've already said that.
I like lying to Firefly even less.
But this is right, this is just . It's a lie that just saved her life.
The woman takes a step back, and I follow her, shutting the door behind me.
It may seem stupid, to march to my death.
But if it’s for Firefly…
I let her march me out back with the revolver to my head, I don’t cry, I don’t shudder, I don’t struggle. There’s nothing I could do to save myself. I’m fast, I’m strong, but I’m not faster or stronger than a bullet.
It’s when we reach our destination that she removes the gun from my forehead, and instead jams it onto my chest, right on top of my heart.
“I have to confess… You’ve forced some sympathy out of me.” The woman says, and I can see it on her face.
“Didn’t know contract killers had any.” I remark. Maybe not the brightest idea, she could still kill Firefly, but I really don't think she will.
“We all do. We’re usually just better about keeping it buried.” She says, her smile widening a little.
I let out a mirthless chuckle,“I suppose there’s no hope of you sympathizing enough to spare me.”
She smiles. Cruelty again.
“You suppose correctly. But you’re a good man, Caelus Levant. I can tell that much. And for that reason… Your death’s going to hurt a lot more.”
Yeah. Seems about right.
She continues,“...But at least your loved one’s can have an open coffin funeral, and your rather handsome face will be left intact.”
Heh. Complimenting me, not killing the woman I love, giving me an open coffin funeral, does the kindness of this murderer know any bounds?
“Thank you.” I say, oddly enough.
“Shouldn’t you be damning me?” She asks, finger itching on the trigger.
“Maybe.”
“Do you have any regrets?” She asks, ostensibly her final question as she cocks the hammer. She doesn't need to. It's a double-action revolver. She just wants me to see it.
“Aren't you worried she'll hear the gunshot?”
“By the time she does, I'll be long gone. Regrets?”
I sigh, knowing the end can't be delayed any longer.
“Too many to count.”
Chief among them, never telling Firefly the truth. I'd carry that one with me into whatever afterlife awaited me.
“Then I suggest you do better in your next life.”
Then she pulls the trigger.
…
…
…
When I was eight, I put a bullet in my father.
He was drunk, angry, he didn't want another kid. He had a gun in his hand as he beat my mother, as he knocked her onto the floor and kicked her in the stomach until she was vomiting blood.
He dropped the pistol at some point.
It was a Sig-Sauer P320. Matte gray finish.
I picked it up in my trembling hand, I say hand because he'd broken my other arm a few minutes earlier.
I'm still surprised I was able to pull the trigger.
VvV
“I'm… Firefly. It's nice to meet you.”
Bright eyed twelve-year old I was, falling in love at first sight with a girl I was assigned to do a project with. She was sickly then, wearing a white paper surgical mask, but I knew already she was as pretty as pretty got.
We were hardly ever apart after that day, until the teachers separated us in class because we couldn't stop talking.
VvV
“ My home is your home. I'll always be here for you .”
Himeko didn't want me to move out. Ditto for March, but both of them could understand why I had too. They'd been my home since Kafka disappeared, and it hurt me to leave too. Sometimes I wonder what life would be like if I stayed.
VvV
“Caelus I'm… I'm sorry I wasn't there for you.”
My mother failed me.
That's all there ever is to say. I lost her too, Mom. It was no excuse. I will never forgive you. Not even on the day I die.
I always thought that. Guess I was right.
She is not forgiven. And I'm dying.
I was always stronger than I gave myself credit for.
XxX
Firefly Shirai
What's taking him so long?
I fidget on the couch, my hands still on my lap as I pray that the wetness I can feel between my thighs doesn't leak through my tights and onto my dress.
Aeons, we came close. So close. The way he was blushing, the way his hands instinctively came to my hips…
He wants me. He really, truly does. He's never asked me out, but I knew he had his reasons. Whether he was scared about my own feelings, or if it was just bad memories of…
Her.
I was gonna wait. Let him come to me.
But I couldn't. Not anymore. So I put on the cutest outfit in my wardrobe (I know he likes cute things more than overtly sexy ones, all his anime figures which he doesn't know I know he has are all adorable. Not a bikini in sight! Lotta lolis though… Something you wanna tell me Cae?), and I decided that tonight would be the night.
…And then a fucking doorbell ruined the moment. I was just about to kiss him too!
And seriously, what is taking him so long? I'm so damn hot , I want to touch myself to quell at least some of this unbearable fucking heat, but he's gotta be back soon, right?
I sigh. No. I'll wait.
…
Two more minutes pass. It’s not even about me being horny anymore, I’m just flat out worried. Competent as Caelus is in a fight, the guy might’ve had a knife or something.
I slip into my shoes, trying to ignore the still burning desire in my core. I also close the pizza box, because I really don’t wanna have to worry about any flies getting into it. I make my way to the dark wooden door, swinging open the heavy thing, (It’s supposed to be heavy. Maybe it would be if I wasn’t as strong as I was) and feeling the evening summer breeze on my skin.
I’ve always liked summer. Cold brings back some… Less than pleasant memories. Memories of cold labs, on mono-molecular scalpels tearing me apart, and robotic arms putting me back together. I still wonder why I had to be awake for those. Maybe they just liked hearing me scream. The warmth is nice. I like wearing breezier clothing, skirts, shorts.
I look out that door, and he’s nowhere to be seen in the front yard. Weird.
“Caelus?” I call, as loud as I can.
Nothing.
Unease wells up in my stomach, the worry becoming too much to bear in a scant few seconds. Dammit, Caelus, respond.
He doesn’t. I step outside, rounding the house and coming to the backyard.
And then I see a dark shape, face down in the grass.
No, no, no no no no no-
I scramble over to him, to his body which is already cooling, already cold , no no no fuck no this can’t be happening…
He’s been shot. Blood’s pooling on the ground beneath him, soaking the dirt and grass in the crimson liquid. My heart sinks, a horrible feeling of anxiety, of fear, of rage welling up within me-
But I can't afford this right now. Can't afford the spiral.
So I press my hand hard against the hole in his chest, hoping to every Aeon that Kafka's close to her phone as I raid his pockets for his.
I had left mine inside. Curse women's fashion and its war on pockets!
I turn on the screen, seeing the familiar lockscreen of an old selfie of the two of us, flashing peace signs to the camera. We were younger than. Twelve, the both of us. I was still wearing that mask, still sick, still weak. I remember that day, on the playground.
…It was the day I fell in love.
Naturally, his screen's locked. What kind of teenage boy wouldn't lock it?
Fuck, fuck, fuck, what the hell would his password be?
Wake
Wrong.
Miracle
Wrong.
8008135
Wrong. Knew it was a Longshot.
…Wait.
Firefly .
Aeons, Cae, why didn't you just say the words? Why didn't I just say them? Why are you lying on the ground, dead and cold?
I dial Kafka's number. Of course he doesn't have her contact saved. He hates her more than anyone else in the world. Guess I understand his reason, but hating Kafka isn't really an option for me.
The woman saved my life. Gave me a new one. Gave me purpose .
It rings once.
Twice.
Thrice.
“... Hello?” She's shocked that he'd be calling. Relived, too. Too bad it's only me.
“ Kafka- It's Caelus, he-” I'm sobbing through every word, and I just now realize how drenched my face is with tears,” He's been shot, he's dead - We need the Stellaron and we need it now.”
Kafka doesn't waste any time, surprised as she probably is to be hearing my voice through his phone. Bless that woman and her level-headedness.
“ We're on our way. We'll be there soon . Move him to a safe location and clean the wound as much as you can.”
“Yes, I will, please, get here fast.” I plead.
Kafka hangs up.
I take a single deep breath. I allow myself three seconds of rest, to steady myself, to stifle the unbridled agony in my heart.
And then I get to work . Lifting him bridal style like I one day wanted to be held ( Want, not wanted, he'll live), and I sprint back to the house, my superhuman strength carries me faster and farther than any human ought to go.
Caelus doesn't know. Hopefully he never will.
I put him on his dining room table, tearing his shirt off and for once, not sparing a single glance to his incredibly ripped torso. Seriously, when does he find time to work out?
I do my best to staunch the bleeding, but it's kinda pointless anyway. He's dead. Heart stopped, brain stopped, he's a fucking corpse as it is.
…But the Stellaron Works wonders. Kafka claims she was dead for a week before her's was put in her.
Surely Caelus’ can resurrect a guy who's been dead for less than an hour?
Minutes pass like hours as the clock in my head goes tick tick tick.
And then the door slams open.
I’ve got my Driver in my hand before I even spot the people entering, but I lower it as Kafka walks in, flanked by Blade and Silver Wolf. The tall, dark haired man’s looking as neutral and unenthused as always, his shattered blade at his hip. SIlver Wolf, to her credit, looks genuinely concerned.
She’s by my side in seconds, taking my hand.
“He’ll be okay.” She promises. I squeeze her petite hand tight, stroking her silver locks. She always helps calm me down.
Kafka herself is already standing over him, the shiny steel briefcase in her hand being placed on the table beside him. I know what it contains. She pops the thing open, and within the briefcase, stored in a clear protective case…
Is the Stellaron. A ball of yellow… something that almost resembles the sun. I don’t know what it even is. But I know it can save him.
Kafka looks at him, so much longing in her eyes. His hatred of her hurts her more than anything, I know that. And I understand why her gaze lingers on his corpse. He’s so peaceful in death. So collected. There’s no fear on his face. He died calmly, he walked to his death, I know it for a fact.
“Kafka…” I plead,”Do it, please.”
The woman nods solemnly, opening the case and holding the Stellaron in her hand. She holds it so tenderly, as one would hold the life of her child.
“Caelus…” She mutters, whatever the rest of the sentence was supposed to be vanishing into thin air.
And then, in the blink of an eye, she plunges that tiny sun into the body of her son-
Golden light fills the room, and everything changes.
Bend, but Never Break
A Honkai Star Rail fanfiction
Chapter 1: Birth of a Seeker