Chapter Text
There’s truly nothing as unsettling, as bone chilling as being inside a Hollow.
Wise coughs in his hand, breathing so loud it’s the only thing he can hear, his body feeling unnaturally heavy. He’s distantly aware that he is, somehow, still moving forward, but it’s hard to notice any other details beyond that. There’s a sickening, cold and wet feeling on his face, making him wonder, numbly, if it’s more sweat or blood.
God, Belle is going to kill him.
- . - . . . - . -
In Wise’s opinion, very few things come close to the pure satisfaction from being so efficient at his job. This latest one, a minor bangboo rescue mission in the Outer Ring, has him bathed in compliments by the client on the Inter-knot, free for all to read. Even as the chain of comments grows more embarrassing by the second (seriously, this is putting stan accounts to shame in comparison, this guy needs to tone it down), the pride he feels at himself is what truly makes every well done job worth it.
Besides the money, of course. Nothing wrong with expecting a little bonus for the extra quality delivered.
In any case, these are exactly the type of commission their Inter-Knot account needs to make some quick cash while practically boosting their rep at the same time. Not too risky, simple and straightforward; basically child’s play for Phaeton. Wise might not trust Fairy still, but he can’t deny the AI is pretty damn good at her job. With the amount of trash posts, bots, and fake offers floating around these days, it’d have taken considerably longer to rebuild their account without her.
Not that he’d ever admit it outloud. Fairy is the last intelligent being(?) in need of an ego boost.
Seeing as he was free earlier than expected, Wise decided to take a bit of a walk around Blazewood, to check in with Kasa and see how Cheesetopia is doing. He is, after all, very proud of how much of a success the restaurant’s revival turned out to be, in no small part thanks to him pulling enough all-nighters to double his eyebags. Wise can sometimes be a bit of an overachiever at times, or so Belle claims when she calls him ‘a terrible combination of workaholic, perfectionist and overachiever’.
She exaggerates.
Probably.
He’s mentally going over the never ending list of things he’ll have to sort out once he gets back home when he sees it; the warmly lit sign of Cheesetopia greeting him amidst the soft darkness of dusk, making the scene appear more beautiful in a welcoming, homely type of way. Even at this distance, the distinct aroma of freshly made food reaches him through the night’s breeze, rich and aromatic. The faint, accompanying sound of music playing can be barely heard amongst the leisure chatting of the patrons, adding to the down-to-earth vibe characteristic of the place.
There’s just a certain… charm to the Outer Ring that words simply fall short of describing. Even Wise, being a bit of a city boy, has got to admit that the place is just– well, warm. In both the metaphorical and the literal sense of the word.
It definetly wasn’t like that when he first arrived. He knew of the Outer Ring, of course; although only thanks to documentaries or movies, never really having the slightest interest in going there himself (hot, dry and rowdy? Yeahh, no thank you.). So, when fate seemed to leave no other option but to go there in person, to say he wasn’t happy about it was putting it lightly- but no way he’d let Belle go instead. Mix in their luck plus the unruly chaos in the desert and… well, trouble was bound to happen. And he was proven right, almost immediately, having to spend his first hours since arrival being chased around by Ethereals, that infamous dry air and merciless heat adding to the pain.
And gods, Wise really, really hates running. He isn’t really built for that sort of thing, okay? No shame in being a bit out of shape!
Yet, after all that, he can’t deny the people of Blazewood went above and beyond for him, particularly the Sons of Calydon; treating him –and Belle– not just like close friends, but like family. It made keeping his distance, his professionalism, incredibly difficult. By the time he realized it, one random night spent chatting and drinking with the newly appointed Overlord, he was already deeply intertwined with the people of the Outer Ring, caring for them like he’d care for his long-time neighbours on Sixth Street.
It was strange how, now, he had all sorts of fond memories in most corners of Blazewood, as if he had lived there his entire life. The familiarity, that sometimes blended into an odd sense of nostalgia, worried him. It’s not good for him to grow so attached. Belle is the one between them that usually does that, becoming close to people with effortless ease.
Not him, not cold, distant Wise. Friendly for the same reasons a salesman would be; for the sake of business and opportunity.
Perhaps it is of no surprise that when he gets attached, there’s no two ways around it. It makes him long for Blazewood, for its people. Especially when weeks go by without him having the chance to visit; leaving a faint echoing ache he can't seem to shake away, frustrating as it is.
And… maybe, there’s a tiny, very small possibility it might be related to something else, hypothetically speaking. Something he tries so hard not to think about. Something that fills his mind on the long nights when his insomnia keeps him up; during the quiet, intimate moments of everyday life.
Something fragile and delicate.
That he is not allowed to think about.
And that is a door he won’t open. He won’t. He can’t.
No matter how much- how he-
He can’t. And that is final.
Closing his eyes for a second, he takes a deep breath, grounding, soothing; stopping that train of thought before it even dares to leave the station. With a newfound sense of calmness, he leisurely walks towards the restaurant’s entrance, wooden steps creaking softly as he climbs them. He pushes the doors to enter, not before taking a few seconds to softly trace the top of the wooden door with his hand, the memory of how it was obtained making him smile- that big dork.
The woman at the counter turns to him with a welcoming grin.
“Ah, Wise! It’s been a while.” Kasa greets him from the counter, wiping a bit of sweat from her forehead with a rag.
He smiles back, “Hey Kasa, long time no see.” Wise walks closer to the counter, briefly glancing around. Nice to see the place is still doing so well, with all the people and the music, it keeps a lively atmosphere without being too overwhelming.
The energetic music, the strong fragrant smells of freshly made food, and the happy chatter of the patrons… This is how Cheesetopia should always look, a little sanctuary for the Outer Ring folks to find joy in.
“Here for business, or pleasure?”
“Business, actually. But it’s already finished, so you could say it’s for pleasure now.” He steps to the side, letting a couple walk in, the pair going hand in hand to one of the open tables. “I see this place is as busy as usual.”.
Kasa sighs, exhausted “You have no idea. Might need to hire a pair of extra hands to help around.” she smiles, putting the rag on the counter “But, can’t complain. It’s nice to see this old gem back to its former glory.” she laughs “Hells, perhaps doing even better than then!”.
“All that hard work sure paid off.” he nods along, crossing his arms.
“It truly did!” her smile changes then, to something more… private. Heavier. “And… I know I’ve said this a million times by now, but I’m- no, we are truly thankful for all your efforts, Wise.” she gazes at the tables, fondness practically palpable in her eyes “To recover this piece of history for us… You have done more than you think.”.
Wise shrugs, trying to look casual even as he feels his cheeks grow hot. He’s not used to this type of… honest gratitude. “It was a team effort. I can manage a store or a restaurant, but I can’t cook more than microwaved food,” Kasa snorts, knowing fully well how true that statement is, “nor could I have gotten all the materials to rebuild the place on my own.” and he for sure couldn’t have done all the installing himself, noodle arms and all, but better not to say that last part out loud.
They’ve seen him lose his breath after just running a few seconds and struggle to open a bottle enough times by now.
They know.
“True, but, still- we’ll always appreciate what you did.”
His smile turns more playful “Is it enough appreciation to get me a free meal today?”
Kasa barks out a laugh, shaking her head in good humor “You damn opportunist, of course! Go find a seat and I’ll take care of your order. A salad and something to drink as usual, yeah?”
Wise nods, giving her a thumbs up. It’s nice to see that Kasa still remembers his food preferences. He will, of course, still leave a hefty tip that will cover the meal plus a good extra. Unlike some other people he knows -Nicole-, he doesn’t like to cheap out, especially not when it comes to leaving tips. Before 18 got used to it, it was mostly Wise and Belle having to work at the counter. Customer service is a different kind of hell he’s grateful to be out of, so he likes to show some extra appreciation to those still in it.
He takes a seat at one of the few empty tables, all the way back, with a nice clear view of the town. The funny looking cactus, Yeh-Yeh, greets him with its iconic peace sign. Wise can’t help but snort at the memory of Lighter, standing all solemn in front of Yeh-Yeh one lazy afternoon, with the air of someone you don’t want to get close to. And yet, when Wise got closer- when it came to that man, how could he not?-, Lighter was just having a silly conversation with it, like one would talk to their dog. Because Lighter is, against all odds, the biggest dork Wise had ever met.
Not that many get the privilege of seeing that side of Lighter, if any.
They are, against all odds, friends. Close friends.
You absolute fool.
Running a hand through his hair, his gaze shifts to the sky, almost being night time by now. One of the biggest beauties of the Outer Ring is how clear the sky is. Without the pollution from the Inner Ring the bright stars are easily visible; vast and endless. In the distant horizon, he can see the last bits of sunlight, slowly dimming away. Like this, even the dozens of Hollows seem beautiful, in an eerie, somewhat enthralling way.
It reminds him of all those times he went on a drive with Lighter on his bike. How warm Lighter’s body felt as Wise held on to him, perhaps more tightly than necessary, although he’d always play it off as being nervous about falling off (which he was, at first, because Lighter didn’t know the concept of driving at a normal speed, apparently.). In those moments, even the loud howling of the wind in his ears could not keep him from hearing Lighter’s laughter, free and unrestrained.
Only for him to hear.
Wise truly hated how perceptive he was in those moments, how he tended to analyze every action, every detail. Because he noticed too much, and he didn’t know what to do with that information other than overthink for hours during the cold nights, where insomnia and anxiety gnawed at his mind, unrelenting.
It didn’t help that Lighter was a living, breathing contradiction. Kindness hiding in those fierce eyes; heavy grief carried around in easy-going footsteps; soft words spoken in his rough voice. Lighter would beat up those that threatened to harm his loved ones with his bare hands, and then turn around and use those same hands to hold him, as one would hold a fragile flower. Wise knew Lighter the Champion, the famously feared and respected Red Scarf of the Sons of Calydon.
But he also knew Lighter Lorenz, his friend, his confidant.
Wise saw him, for all that he was.
Much to his shame, sometimes Wise wishes, selfishly, that he didn’t. Because now he’s stuck between the sword and the wall, and his dumb heart is telling him to throw caution to the wind and willingly stab himself on the sword, common sense be damned.
Not that his brain would ever allow it, thankfully.
The thing is, because of that same statement, he should not be even thinking about all of… this.
And Wise doesn’t even dare to name it, because then it’d feel real.
Thankfully, Wise is an expert at bottling things up. Which, contrary to Belle’s endless complaints, is quite the useful skill to have. So, cowardly, he does exactly that. If he puts that flame inside a bottle, with time it’ll suffocate and die. It has worked before, it will work again now.
Hopefully.
So, yes, perhaps one of the reasons he hadn’t been visiting the Outer Ring as much as he should’ve, judging by the ever growing pile of commissions to complete in the area, is due to these annoying, uncontrollable feelings. Wise doesn’t like uncontrollable. Wise doesn’t do uncontrollable. In the face of such a challenge, he turned his back to it. Out of sight, out of mind, and all that. Feelings don’t last forever, nothing does, and they’ll fade with enough time.
They always do.
It was Belle who finally put a stop to his uncharacteristic need to procrastinate, backed up by Fairy (somehow they two seemed to get along exceptionally well when it came to teaming up against him), using their ever-growing light bill as a -perfectly valid- excuse. It may be true the Outer Ring commissions tended to pay more due to a lack of skilled proxies compared to the Inner Ring, but it still felt like one big set up, the universe deciding to fuck with him in particular.
Although, there’s no real guarantee he’ll cross paths with Lighter now. The chances of it are pretty low. Hell, he even made Fairy run the calculations for it (in secret, because Belle has a fox’s nose for these kinda things and he doesn’t need any more torture, thank you very much). No harm in taking a quick meal to recharge before heading back to the Inner City, to the safeness of his home, like the absolute coward he is.
It’ll be just fine.
Kasa’s voice breaks through his thoughts, through all the controlled chaos of the restaurant, just so Wise, the absolute buffoon, can clearly hear her say “Hey Lighter, just got back town?”
Oh, he’s doomed, actually.
Lighter hums, and Wise hates how he picks up even that. Shit, shit. “Yeah, it's been a pretty hectic day. Nothing I can’t handle, of course.”.
Wise quickly sinks in his chair, thankful he’s on a far away table from the counter. He tries to tune out their conversation, resting his head on the table, hiding his face on his arms and closing his eyes, pretending to be asleep, as ridiculous as that looks. With any luck, Kasa won’t mention he’s here. Or maybe Lighter won’t have the time to say hi and will simply leave.
And Wise will get to keep that door shut, the key hidden far, far away. Safe.
“Hey there, Wise.”
Lighter’s voice, raspy and vibrating, tickles his ear, making him jump on his seat. Wise would’ve slammed Ligther’s face if it wasn’t for the man swiftly dodging away with practiced ease. He gives the biker an alarmed look, mentally yelling every prayer he knows that his face isn’t blushing.
Unfortunately, the growing heat in his cheeks say otherwise.
He’s so fucked.
“Woops, sorry. Didn’t mean to scare ya.’” Lighter’s teasing smirk contradicts his words, the asshole, and Wise would be mad if he didn’t find it so infuriatingly charming. Fuck.
“Now that will cost you an extra fee next time the Sons of Calydon get a commission for us, I guess I’ll have to let Lucy know.”
At that, Lighter chuckles, a bit nervously “Very funny, Proxy. You wouldn’t be so heartless over a tiny harmless prank, just think of all we’ve been through together.”
Wise stares at him, deadpan, and pulls out his phone.
Lighter grimaces, taking a seat across from him. “Ah… please don’t?” His sunglasses slightly lower, making Wise immediately crumble at the sight of those lethal puppy eyes “Her Highness will never let me hear the end of it.”.
Now that’s just unfair.
Still, he pretends to be unaffected, magnanimously putting his phone down. “Perhaps next time, the Grand Champion should consider that some actions have consequences.”
Lighter sighs, defeated, and gives him a lopsided smile. “Alright, fine, won’t do it again. You can be so mean sometimes, you know that?”
Wise snorts “Only to those deserving of it.”
The biker puts a hand on his chest, mock-hurt,“What? I assure you, I’ve always been on my very best behavior with you, Wise. In fact, I’d even say you’re the only one to get a bit of… special treatment.”
Lighter’s tone is teasing. He’s just joking. Being silly, because he’s a huge dork, and doesn’t mean it beyond that. Yet the words land on Wise like an arrow to the heart, and he has to cough in his hand to cover his embarrassment. To the bottle, now.
“Yeah, yeah, sure. If by ‘special treatment’ you mean having the pleasure of hearing all your bad jokes now, then I don’t think that’s a net positive for me, thanks.” Wise waves him away, thankful that his voice comes out normal. Lighter snorts, leaning back on the seat, looking relaxed.
“So, what brings you here? Work?”
“Already finished it, thought I’d check on Cheesetopia before I left.”
Lighter tilts his head to the side “What about little old me, hm? Weren’t you going to come say hi?”
Wise really, really wishes he didn't find that so endearing. But he does. He’s fucking doomed.
“What, missed me already?” he says, aiming for playfulness, but it comes out all wrong. Low and intimate, as if… as if he were flirting. Wise doesn’t flirt. What the hell is he doing??
He doesn’t miss the way Lighter’s eyes widen for a second- and ain’t that something-. “Well, uh. Just thought it’d be nice to see you and stuff.”
And stuff.
Wise gets the odd urge to scream.
Instead, he hums, noncommittal, and looks away. “Sorry I haven’t hung out much. Been pretty busy lately, you know how it is.”. Liar.
“Nah, don’t worry about it. Didn’t mean it as a complaint, I’m just teasing.” Lighter turns his head to the side, making a show of looking away “But. I- I guess I did that. Miss you, I mean. Uh.” he coughs.
Wise stares at him for a few seconds, taken aback, a weak ‘I see’ coming out of his mouth before he’s looking down to fidget with his phone. It’s unusual for Lighter to be this… upfront. They both remain quiet, with Lighter very obviously freaking out and Wise mentally screaming into the void. But now there’s something in the air, something unspoken, different, strange and familiar at the same time.
Wise pretends not to care. He can’t.
“Here’s your food, both of you!” Kasa interrupts, saving them both from the strange atmosphere, the angel. She gives Wise an apologetic smile. “Sorry for the delay, Wise, we ran out of fresh vegetables and had to wait for a quick, last minute batch to arrive.”
“It’s okay, I didn’t mind the wait. I like to spend time here, it’s not often I get the chance.”
Her smile widens, and she nods in complete understanding. When he glances at Lighter, the man is looking at him with an intensity that not even his sunglasses are able to hide. Wise hides the tremble of his hands under the table, pretending not to notice, and looks back at Kasa.
“That’s good to hear.” she says, happily putting down the plates on the table. The food seems, as always, absolutely delicious, all bright colors and fragrant smells. “Well, hope you two enjoy! I’ll be back on the counter, call me if y’all need anything.”
Wise smiles at her “Will do, thanks, Kasa. It looks great”.
Lighter nods at Kasa, who gives them both a thumbs up before walking back towards the counter. Wise glances at Lighter’s meal, two huge burgers, some snacks and a huge glass of soda -exactly the very first meal Wise chose for him during the restorations-, before focusing on his plate. The sight of a freshly made Cactus Salad makes his hunger ten times more noticeable, so he quickly picks up his fork and starts digging right in.
While it had taken some getting used to food in the Outer Ring, as it is usually said to be a bit of an acquired taste, he now completely enjoyed all sorts of different meals. They were a tad too odd at first, all ingredients not commonly used in the Inner Ring, strange textures and strong spices all around. But, just like the place, just like its people, Wise grew to love it almost as much as his favorite vegetarian noodle soup.
He tries not to show it, but he actually really enjoys Burnice’s odd drinks as well. May she never find that out. Amen.
A small dinging sound catches Wise’s attention, making him realize he got stuck in his own head again even while eating. He sees Lighter taking out his phone, a frown forming on his face as he reads the screen, sunglasses tilted down.
“Everything okay?” Wise asks between bites. He glances at the other man’s side of the table. Damn, just when did Lighter eat all that food? Did he even chew it?
“Huh? Oh, yeah. Caesar just texted me.” he huffs, nonchalant “Thought it was something serious, but she just wants me to go pick her some stuff from the Inner Ring.”
“At this hour? It’ll be late by the time you get back.”
Lighter gives him a smug smile. “Not if I drive fast enough, Proxy..
Wise rolls his eyes. “Okay, okay, Mr Fast and Furious.” He puts his fork down on the table. “When you get a dozen tickets for speeding up in the Inner Ring, don’t come crying to me.”
The biker snorts. “What, you don’t want me bringing the entire PubSec to your doorstep? I thought you and your sister would be overjoyed about it.”
“Yeah, after we both kill you.”
There’s that particular glint in Lighter’s eyes that only appears when they start teasing each other like this. “Yeah?” he asks, taunting, his smirk knife sharp “Think you can take me down?”
Wise puts up a show of giving him a critical once-over, then shrugs “What, like it’d be hard?”.
Lighter snickers, positively delighted, drowning the last bits of his drink. “Well, I could do this all day, but duty calls. Seeing how we’re both heading to the Inner Ring, want to drive together?.
Wise raises an eyebrow at him “I’m not speeding up in a car full of very expensive tech.”
“Don’t worry.” Lighter grins at him, his sunglasses dropping low enough for them to make direct eye contact. “I can take things slow sometimes.”
It takes an admirable amount of self restraint for Wise to keep his face neutral.
He gets up as well, giving Lighter an unimpressed stare. “We’ll see about that, Lorenz.”
Lighter’s smile widens, and Wise can’t help but smile back.
Like a god damned fool.
- . - . . . - . -
They both wave goodbye to Kasa, not before leaving a hefty sum of dennies on their table and hurrying out before she could complain. They split, Lighter heading towards his bike and Wise towards the car, appreciating the few minutes of solicitude to regain his composure. He’s better than this. Smarter than this.
Stay level headed. It’s just a few hours till they arrive to the Inner Ring, then they’ll part ways, and he can go back to pretending he’s not- not-
Whatever. Doesn’t matter.
Wise starts the car, calmly driving it to the main road that connects to the Inner Ring. The overly loud sound of a motor engine roaring makes him turn around on his seat. Lighter drives by, drifting in an exaggerated manner in front of him, red scarf soaring wildly. Wise snorts. Damn show-off.
“Ready, Manager?” Lighter yells, making the engine roar a few more times.
He gives a thumbs up through the window, and with that, they’re both on the road, driving side by side.
The drive back is quiet under the night sky, barely any other vehicles passing by, besides the occasional truck. It’s a relief they don’t have to talk, too much trouble between the sounds of the motors and the wind, because any more teasing and Wise was bound to do something exponentially stupid. A disaster waiting to happen. It’s a small blessing he’s spared of that catastrophe -for now-, plus it is a pretty peaceful experience to just drive together. The sound of Lighter’s motorbike, the fresh night wind, and the beautiful night sky making something as mundane as this almost… romantic.
And yet, the thought doesn’t make him panic like it should. It just feels peaceful now. Just them, driving through the vast open fields of the Outer Ring.
No hidden feelings between them. None at all.
Wise wishes, in a small moment of weakness, for this moment to never end. He deeply craves for things to be easier. Less secretive. Less heavy. Lighter has shown him the scars in his body, the burden in his heart, and the story behind them both. And what has Wise given in return? Nothing. He can give nothing. It’s too risky, for him, for Belle, for their whole mission in life, their purpose. The sole idea of telling Lighter the truth, the entire truth, terrifies him on a level he has only felt a few times in his life.
He can’t. He won’t. And so, he remains quiet. Close that door. Bottle it up. Walk away. Cover your ears and tell yourself lies until they begin to sound like truths.
But it’s becoming increasingly difficult to remain professional with Lighter. Because Wise messed up, getting attached with everything regarding that man. He ruined it, craving more, feeling more. And Lighter knows, he’s sure of it. Lighter knows and he wants to do something, of course, he just is that type of person. Unstoppable, uncontrollable. And what will Wise do, when the moment arrives? When Lighter finally tries opening that door?
There won’t be any room to escape, to pretend; Wise knows damn well that Lighter is fully capable of trying to break down the damned door.
Because that is simply the type of man Lighter is.
There’s a mix of longing, of hope, for that day to arrive, but also deep, raw desperation. If it never happens, then Wise will never be forced to ruin what they have now. If it never happens, he can keep on pretending. Keep that safe distance from… the unspeakable thing that hangs between them.
It’s suffocating how much Wise aches for it. How much he fears for it. Because he knows what will happen then. What he’ll have to do. What he will have to say. How it will break him, break Lighter. And that is what-
A loud explosion makes him jump out of that spiral. It is followed by another, and another, and a dozen more. They’ve been driving next to a tall cliff wall on the right, which makes Wise realize that the explosions are coming from above. Soon, he sees all the debris falling, rocks of all sizes dangerously flying in front of them, behind them, above them. As panic quickly rises in his chest, his face turns completely devoid of emotion, a desperate attempt to remain in control during an uncontrollable situation.
Wise spares one quick, fleeting glance at Lighter; who’s skillfully dodging the larger falling rocks, not seeing bothered as a dozen smaller ones hit his body. It looks painful. It looks dangerous. It’s only a matter of time before one hits him in the head. Lighter doesn’t wear a helmet. If it happens, what will Wise do? He needs to figure out a plan before- before Lighter-
“Wise, up above!” Lighter yells, the panic in his voice so raw it feels like a bucket of ice cold water dropped on top of him.
But there’s nothing Wise can do, no room to dodge; he’s too inexperienced and panicked, staring wide-eyed as a lethally big boulder falls in his direction.
He frantically turns the wheel, grabbing it so tightly his knuckles turn a horrible shade of white. It’s not enough. Wise knew that. The situation is too chaotic, and his car isn’t made for quick turns. There’s just not enough time. The boulder, deadly and unrelenting, hits the car with the full force from the fall right on the side as it was turning. Had it been dead on, Wise would be dead by now, but like this it just pushes the car to the side,the strength of it sending it off the road, down the cliff.
Straight inside the Hollow.
For a brief, hysterical second, Wise gets a sense of deja vu, as the car falls, rolling violently down the cliff. He gets thrown around the front seat, too much movement to process exactly what’s happening. He feels himself hitting the wheel, the top of the roof, the door. Pain is all he can sense, mixed with the sickly feeling that comes with being inside a Hollow, the heavy sensation in his head multiplying tenfold.
It takes Wise several minutes to realize that the car has stopped falling. He realizes, vaguely, that he’s lying on his side. In a distant, out of body way, he can feel his head wet. The smell of blood and burning. He really liked his car. Belle is going to be so upset. She is going to- Wise doesn’t want to see her cry.
Wise tries to look around, even as it becomes increasingly difficult to remain awake with each passing second, even as his entire body feels numb. But he has to. He has to make sure that Lighter’s okay too.
The loud, unmistakable sound of Lighter’s bike roaring makes itself known amidst the ringing in his ears. The relief feels like a wave of fresh water clashing into his body, all consuming and endless. And he opens his arms and falls right into it, letting himself sink.
He realizes, numbly, that he should be more worried for himself right now.
He realizes, too late, that he’s losing consciousness.