And these thoughts of endless night (Can you stake my heart?)

by vxmpirecxsh

Summary:

Gerard won’t be able to afford rent next month unless he gets a roommate. He can’t let his new roommate know he’s a vampire.
Ray needs to move in with someone urgently before he starts working at his new job. He has to make sure whoever he moves in with won’t notice he’s a werewolf.
Surely, they both will be able to keep their new roommate unaware of supernatural existence.

Notes:

• For raybyez.

hi guys!!! new fic ive been talking with g about for a while (hi g!!!!)
i hope u guys enjoy <3

Chapter 1: Vampire Reference in a Minor Key - Will Wood

“Is it really that important for you to get a roommate?” Frank’s words rang out through Gerard’s bedroom, his curious voice loud and slightly muffled from the speaker of Gerard’s phone. “I mean, I thought work was going pretty well recently? You’re still getting commissions and money from Patreon in addition to your comic stuff.”

Gerard sighed, loud enough for his phone to pick up on it, “My fucking landlord raised rent. Again. Something about California being too expensive for my old rent…” Gerard’s nasally voice trailed off. It had never been Gerard’s intention to live in such an expensive area compared to the rest of the US, but it’s just where he ended up. He couldn’t afford to move, either.

Gerard ignored Frank’s quiet hum over the phone, instead he picked up an old, half finished painting with consideration. When did he ever have the time to make so many paintings? Moreover, why did he think it was such a good idea to store all of them in the extra bedroom of his small apartment?

“You can always come live with us, y’know,” Frank’s bright voice broke through Gerard’s thoughts.

Gerard flinched, though it was sweet of Frank to offer Gerard would never accept. Frank lived with multiple other broke graduate students in an apartment just as small but more shitty than Gerard’s own apartment. It was a miracle four people were already able to stay peacefully in their two bedroom apartment, and Gerard didn’t want to test it. 

“I like my privacy, thanks though,” Gerard said, choosing to shove the old canvas into a trash bag he had brought into the room. It wasn’t worth saving, it was just another shitty attempt at regaining some semblance of passion he had during college.

“By privacy you mean-”

“The whole blood drinking stuff, not whatever you're thinking,” Gerard sighed and rolled his eyes, ignoring Frank’s shrill laughter. “You should move in with me, you’re the only person I’d stand to room with.”

“That’s because I’m the only person you talk to,” Gerard decided to ignore that comment. “I can barely afford to split rent with three others. You’d think my job would pay well, but apparently not.”

“Oh, I’d believe that,” Gerard snorted. Unlike Gerard, Frank had actually completed college. Then Frank had decided completing a bachelors wasn’t enough, and got far enough through his education that he was able to become a professor in the music department at a community college. Though he mostly taught some of the music history classes for general education requirements, he was still unbelievably passionate about his work.

The two of them fell into a comfortable silence as Gerard continued to sort through old paintings and art pieces, many of them gorey and horrific from his brief period of time following dropping out of college. In many of them, nothing in particular was depicted. Just an outlet for all the anger and hurt he felt that he was too scared, or too ostracized, to express in any other way.

Gerard didn’t have the heart to throw them away, he couldn’t face that part of his past yet. Not even enough to get rid of the reminders of it.

He separated everything into bags he’d toss and boxes he’d find storage for. He couldn’t afford a storage unit, so they’d likely get shoved under his bed or one of the closets. There was a lot less he was getting rid of than he would like, though he couldn’t bear to think of parting with so much after everything.

After picking up a bunch of small canvases and dropping them all into a box at once, his eyes fell on a stack of old polaroid photos. He picked them up, staring almost longingly at the two young, joyous faces staring right back at him from nearly 10 years ago.

He felt like ripping them to shreds, then almost sobbed at the thought. He really wasn’t ready to think about anything in this room, but he didn’t necessarily have a choice. Not when he had to clean it out before some person he didn’t know moved in. Someone who didn’t know him, more particularly what he is.

“Frank,” Gerard spoke softly, hoping Frank hadn’t hung up yet, “You sure you don’t want to move in?” 

A silence enveloped the room, and for a moment Gerard thought maybe Frank had hung up. Abruptly, Frank spoke, just as soft but much, much quieter, “Is this about the whole vampire thing?” Gerard could hardly hear him over the blaring music Frank played in the background.

Gerard turned the polaroids upside down and placed them gently in the box filled with the paintings he’d rather not think about, “Just, what if I hurt someone again?”

“Stop that,” Frank said, “You aren’t gonna hurt anyone.”

“I just-”

“Stop, seriously. You’re just gonna overthink it more,” Frank said, his voice firm yet kind. It was the same tone Gerard had heard hundreds of times since he met Frank a few years ago. “No one will get hurt. Regular contact with someone will be beneficial. You will save a bit more money having someone pay half, even if rent went up a bit.”

Gerard sighed, though not completely in agreement, “Fine. Whatever. I’ll call you later when I figure it out.”

Frank hummed, “Yeah, ok. Be careful who you end up deciding on, you don’t want it to be some axe murderer.”

Gerard huffed with amusement and reached out to press the end call button as he said bye. The background music emitting from Frank’s end of the phone stopped so suddenly it felt almost like the two of them hadn’t talked at all. Gerard stared despondently at the phone for a moment before sighing, feeling a strong sense of loneliness weighing down on him. 

He slowly arose from his sitting position on the blood-red carpet. He shoved his phone into his back pocket and closed up the box, then hoisted it up in his arms. He’d gotten most of the sorting done the previous days thankfully, so it was only one box he had to bring out to his living room.

Gerard set it down next to the other boxes filled with various art supplies; most of which hadn’t been used for a year or two, not since he began working for a company as a webcomic artist. Despite that, he still held out hope that soon he would be able to illustrate something so beautiful and meaningful like he often did during his college days. The paintings in the boxes didn’t count; they lacked the grandeur and passion that made him fall in love with his own skill and art initially during college.

There was no doubt at the time, especially not from his family or peers, that he’d be a famous and immensely successful artist someday in the near future. But life got in the way, unfortunately. Now Gerard couldn’t even afford rent all by himself in a shitty apartment.

Gerard tore his eyes away from the boxes in front of him, instead moving to the center of the living room where a couch sat with his laptop. As he sat down on the tiny, worn down couch Gerard couldn’t help but feel like just a mass of wasted potential. Typing out an advertisement for a neighbor on Facebook and Nextdoor definitely didn’t help the feeling. Especially with the feeling that the apartment he had been wasting away in for the past three years was slowly becoming an encasing prison, rather than solitude.

Gerard clicked the post button, not bothering to proof-read the hastily written post. His gaze fell down to his hands at his keyboard as the post slowly uploaded. His hands were pale, almost translucent, the lack of sun or even going outside much in general taking an obvious hit at his appearance. The inhuman color reminded him distantly of the walls of his apartment, looming darkly over him day after day after day.

 

-

 

It wasn’t until the third person called that Gerard found someone that he could possibly stand as a roommate. The first two that had called him were both a definite no, even with Gerard’s somewhat open mind.

The first woman who had called was a slightly older woman, about 10 years more than Gerard at best. Gerard had hope at first when he found out she was an author–she was some form of an artist like him! All that hope came crashing down after he had promised to get back to her and ended their call. He had looked up her name with excitement to see what kind of books she wrote, only to be met with what could only be described as horror.

Not typical horror, but horror in the sense of a vampire meeting a woman who wrote nothing but porn about vampires. That killed any desire he had of living with her.

The second person Gerard was immediately on the fence about, he sounded much too young to be living on his own. Even though he claimed he was 19 and proved it by sending his driver’s license, Gerard had doubts that someone so immature and rowdy would be a good roommate. His suspicions were only confirmed when the boy suddenly hung up to, in the boy’s words, “get back on that minecraft grind”. Gerard did not promise to get back to him.

It was a week before Gerard got another call, though at that point Gerard was getting pretty desperate for any roommate at that point.

“Hi?” A high voice spoke, Gerard put the phone on speaker and set it beside his drawing tablet that was hooked up to his monitor.

“Hey, you calling about the apartment?” Gerard asked, though his gaze remained focused on the work in front of him. He needed those panels colored by that night, he didn’t want to spare any excess energy unless this person was actually in consideration.

“Yeah,” The voice paused for a second, letting Gerard hear the sounds of a car honking over the line. Was this guy driving? “Are you still looking for a roommate? I, um, need to move somewhere. Like, soon.”

Gerard tapped the end of his tablet’s pencil against his mouth, “Yeah, how old are you?”

“26,” The man said. He was the same age as Gerard, at least chronologically. That was better than the kid and strange woman who had called. “I’m Ray, I’m supposed to be teaching in your city starting like, next week. On Monday, actually. I know it’s short notice but if you still need a roommate-”

“Hey man, it’s ok. I need someone like, immediately, or else I can’t afford rent in a few weeks. I get it. Just let me ask a few questions, ok?” Gerard set his pencil down softly, the click of it against his desk loud compared to the encompassing silence of his room. Music had been playing from his phone minutes prior until Ray had called.

“Yeah, sure, whatever you need done,” Ray spoke, his voice a bit slower and quieter with the assurance that he might have a place to live soon.

Gerard hummed and began asking the same questions he had asked the other people who had called, except also asking to make sure Ray didn’t publish peculiar books about his kind.

The man seemed kind enough over the phone, and both of them were desperate. Surely, he would be a decent enough roommate until Gerard could afford somewhere else. Not to mention, at this point Gerard was sure his post had been drowned by other posts and no one else would see it. After a few minutes of talking Gerard decided to fuck it and give Ray the address. 

“Seriously, thanks. You have no clue how much this is saving my ass,” the man’s sweet, almost girly, voice resounded throughout Gerard’s room, “I didn’t want to live in a hotel my first few weeks of classes, y’know.” 

Gerard did not in fact know, “Show up whenever, I’ll give you a rundown and some keys once you get here.” And notify the landlord, and get the lease updated. Though Ray didn’t need to be worried about that stuff, Gerard thought.

“Thanks, I’ll get there soon.” Gerard could practically hear the man’s smile as he hung up. Gerard sighed and unpaused his music, distantly acknowledging to himself he had some tidying up to do.

Gerard wasn’t too worried about having some random guy in his apartment. After all, what could he do, kill Gerard? No, he couldn’t. Not easily, Gerard figured. The only thing Gerard had to worry about was Ray being a nuisance. 

That, and him finding out Gerard’s a vampire. But that can’t be that difficult to hide, right?

Chapter 2: Werewolf, Baby! - Rob Zombie

Summary:

ray pov yayyy

Notes:

hi! sry this ch took foreverrr to write. figured itd be better to wait until i have motivation to work on it rather than try and force myself to write it 3

im gonna attempt to post consistently, but i just started classes again so it might be a bit sporadic 3

hope u guys enjoy <3 hi g!

Ray would be the first to admit that packing your entire life away in your car and speeding off from your family’s house in the middle of the night wasn’t necessarily the best idea. There were probably better options, but at the moment it seemed like the only thing he could do.

Sitting in the parking lot of some beat-up, ancient-looking apartment building wasn’t reassuring his decision either. Especially not knowing if the person he had agreed to room with would be tolerable.

Not to mention keeping the whole werewolf thing a secret. That was almost as important as not having an annoying roommate.

Ray sighed and twisted his car’s keys out of the ignition, letting the roar of the engine settle into quiet. His car was small and archaic, chipped in so many places and in constant need of repair. On the off chance that his ac was working, one of his windows would be cracked. And if the windows weren’t cracked, a tire would surely go flat. He could never win with the car.

It was decrepit and depressing, but it was his. And for that, he was able to truly value it and its place in his departure. It was stable and unchanging, vastly different from everything else in his life. Vastly different from the rapid changes in the past few months.

Ray opened the door and slung his legs out, craving the openness of the world after his legs had been cramped in his car for so long. It had been a long and lonely drive to get to the apartment building, but he couldn’t stop for any extensive breaks since the start date for his new job had been impending over him. He needed to be at work by tomorrow morning, and he would really not prefer to start his new job off homeless.

He pulled his arms over his head and stretched, taking a moment to soak in his new neighborhood. Though the apartment was a bit run down, there were some newer and nicer looking houses not far down the street. They were decorated with lawns of half dead grass and the occasional flower plant that Ray couldn’t name. Some of them had decorations or bird feeders slung around the roof, hanging over their porches and lawns. They looked so much more lively and lived-in than the dreary building he would soon enough call his home.

On the opposing side of the street stood a small school and a field, Ray couldn’t tell what level of education it would be for. The only thing he was certain was it wouldn’t be the community college he would begin teaching at the next day.

Ray turned his attention from the streets with their grey, crumbling black top and barely visibly lane markings to his car. He pulled the two cases with the guitars he had chosen to bring with him–one acoustic, one electric–and slung one over each shoulder. He was sure it looked a bit comical, but he couldn’t bear to leave them unattended in the unfamiliar parking lot. 

He made sure to lock the car before stepping away and recalled the address the nasally voice had told him, he replayed it over and over in his head. Though Ray had initially, and very momentarily, been a bit hesitant to accept living with him so quickly he figured he had to get over the fear–and quick–if he wanted to be able to work without living in a hotel. 

It’s not like this Gerard guy would be able to truly hurt him. Ray was more worried about accidentally hurting Gerard himself.

Ray slowly bound up the stairs to the second floor where Gerard’s apartment allegedly was. He was careful to ensure the guitar cases remained secure on his shoulders and not hit any walls; they had somehow remained in peak condition even after days of travel and years in his room prior. He wasn’t gonna break them now. The cases were thin and cheap fabric, paid for after the guitars had destroyed his fragile bank account.

His walk down the hallway to Gerard’s apartment felt just as damning as leaving his own house. It was an immense feeling of doom, but also opportunity. Maybe Ray could find a good life in this town, maybe he’d be able to keep others safe and unknowing of his condition. Ray knew this situation was just temporary until he could live on his own and pay his own bills entirely, but couldn’t he wish that this was a chance for something good to finally happen to him?

Ray stood in front of the door, racking up enough courage to knock. Slowly, he raised his hand to knock just below the placard on the door stating the room number. Before he could move his hand any further, the dark mahogany door swung open rushedly.

A man much shorter than Ray stood in the doorway, holding the door open but also blocking Ray from coming in. His hair was dark and obviously a bit oily from Ray’s much higher view. It fell in strands in the man’s face, though his face itself took Ray a second to think of what it reminded Ray of. He settled on cherubic, the look only broken by his dark, sharp eyebrows.

“Ray?” The voice, though still a bit nasally, didn’t sound as muffled as it did on the phone. The same slight curiosity came through it, though he didn’t sound unfriendly.

“Yeah–you’re Gerard?” Ray readjusted his guitar case straps on his shoulders.

Instead of replying, Gerard’s gaze remained fixed on Ray. Ray met his eyes, noticing a slight undertone of red beneath the large, hazel irises.

Ray watched as the man’s eyes trailed down his face. Ray distantly wondered if he should have shaved off his stubble before showing up.

Gerard hummed and took a step out of the doorway, next to the door, and still held it open. Ray took it as an invitation to come in, stepping inside with hesitance. Though the place was technically his apartment too now, he still felt an air of caution at being a newcomer. Gerard gently closed the door behind him.

The room he had stepped into was open, yet small. A worn down couch sat in the middle of the room, sagging and peeling leather with age. A coffee table sat right in front of it, stained with coffee and colors and rims of liquids without having a coaster under them. A TV stood against the wall over a large shelf full of DVDs, jealousy at the extensive collection bubbled in Ray. A wall barely separated the room from an even tinier kitchen, though from what Ray could see seemed much cleaner.

“Um, want me to show you your room?” Gerard’s voice sounded almost soft and self-conscious. Ray was suddenly very aware that this apartment was not yet genuinely also his.

Ray turned towards him and nodded, trying for a light smile. “Yeah, if you don’t mind. Then I can bring some of my stuff up?”

“Mh-hmm,” Gerard immediately strode forward, walking through a small hallway directly parallel to the front door. Down the hallway was foreboding and bleak, devoid of any pictures or personality. Two doors stood on the same wall, though a decent amount of space remained between the two of them. 

“That one’s mine,” Gerard pointed to the first door, shut closed. Ray nodded, then followed Gerard to the second door. Gerard’s figure in front of him moved to the second room with a haunting grace, like a ghoul or ghost from a movie.

This door was open, revealing a small room with a deep crimson colored carpet and a lightly colored wall. A window was covered with thick, dark curtains on one wall, preventing any natural light from entering the room. The only source of light was a tall, thin lamp sitting in a corner, unlit.

It wasn’t much, but it was gonna be Ray’s.

“Thanks man,” Ray smiled as Gerard turned to face him. An almost solemn look painted Gerard’s face, if only for the lack of light.

A shy smile lit up on Gerard’s face in return, “Yeah, no problem. I hope you like it.”

Ray nodded, beginning to feel a bit more at ease. Gerard didn’t seem too bad, if anything just a bit awkward. 

“I’m gonna head down and grab the rest of my stuff–is that ok?” Ray asked.

Gerard shrugged, “Yeah, I mean it’s your place too now. I can help, if you want.”

“Yeah,” Ray nodded, “If you don’t mind.”

Gerard returned a short nod, then followed Ray out of the apartment. Gerard strung his hands together next to Ray, almost looking a bit nervous as they made their way down to the lobby.

The lobby, like the rest of the apartment building, was a bit old and dingy. It was dim with a few dud light bulbs hanging overhead. The wallpaper looked almost as if it were about to peel off the walls, though with the old design of it Ray almost thought it would be a shame for something so vintage looking to be ruined.

“All your stuff is still in the car?” Gerard paused a few feet from the door, hanging just far enough to avoid the light streaming in through the glass panels on the door.

“Yeah?” Ray looked back at Gerard curiously.

Gerard’s face visibly fell the smallest amount as he glanced towards the light flowing in, “I have…a skin condition. My doctor doesn’t want me in direct sunlight?”

Gerard shrugged the slightest amount, looking very uncertain in his answer. His gaze travelled back to Ray’s eyes, the reddish undertone looking as though it was almost piercing through Ray.

“That’s fine, I think I’ll just need help getting stuff up the stairs.” Ray said. Gerard nodded immediately, relief flashing over his face.

Ray turned and went through the door, who was he to question Gerard about a supposed skin condition? He didn’t want to be insensitive or start off on the wrong foot, so he accepted the answer without questioning why Gerard would offer to help when he really was restricted from grabbing stuff from outside.

Ray unlocked his car and pulled the trunk open. He grabbed the duffle bag full of clothes and his hygiene products. As he slung that bag over his shoulder, he grabbed a box and pressed it against his hip with one arm and then grabbed his amp with his free hand. 

Gerard wore an expression of surprise as Ray walked back, pushing the door open by moving into it.

“Whoa–you’re really strong,” Gerard reached forward to grab the box Ray was holding against his side.

Ray let him take it. Shrugging, he said, “It’s not much–just a few books and movies.” A few months ago Ray wouldn’t have been able to lift that box; it was filled with various research on both musical theory and werewolves. He was still trying to discern which books were fantasy and genuine research among the werewolf ones. A few DVDs of his favorite movies lay at the top.

Ray knew it’d be heavy for most people, definitely difficult for someone who seemed to constrict themselves to their apartment, but surprisingly Gerard held it with no issue. It didn’t even look like he was straining or struggling to hold it, instead holding it against his abdomen with ease and a light grip.

Ray looked at Gerard with bewilderment, “Do you wanna carry the amp instead? It’s a bit lighter.”

“Nope,” Gerard shook his head, “this is fine.” He really did look fine. He looked like he was having far easier of a time than Ray, in fact.

“Oh, ok,” Ray said, hesitance laced his voice.

Gerard led them back up to their apartment, not faltering once. Ray tried to peak at Gerard’s arms, watching for even a hint of muscle, but saw nothing except pale skin.

Gerard placed the box down in Ray’s dimly lit room. As Ray followed him, he realized just how Gerard looked very in-place in the dark and dusty room. Like the vintage wallpaper or the antique furniture sitting misshapen and decaying in the lobby. He had a timeless air to him, only further highlighted by his face composed of a combination of sharp lines and soft curves. Ray remembered learning about the renaissance in high school, he could imagine Gerard being the subject of paintings.

“Is there anything else you need carried up?” Gerard’s voice rang out, breaking up Ray’s appreciative thoughts. 

“Nope,” Ray shook his head, leaning down he set his amp gently on the ground.

Gerard frowned, looking at the room with disdain. “I didn’t even think about furniture. I should’ve gotten you a bed or something, at least.”

Ray tried for a comforting smile, “I’ll get one soon, don’t worry about it.” Ray didn’t mind sleeping on the floor, for the most part. He did it once a month anyways, and anything was better than sleeping in his car again.

Gerard bit his lip with uncertainty, “You sure? I could totally sleep on the couch or something, you could borrow mine-”

“Seriously, don’t worry about it,” Ray said. He had no business being so friendly with someone as to take their bed. He couldn’t become close to anyone, not without them getting hurt.

“Ok, but if at any point you need anything…” Gerard trailed off with hesitation.

“I’ll figure it out.” Ray said quickly.

Gerard nodded, he took one final glance at the lackluster room before squeezing past Ray out of the room. 

Ray’s gaze followed Gerard for a moment, watching him almost slink into the shadows that plagued the halls. The entire apartment, like Ray’s new room, was muted and dull. Ray could almost find it depressing, if not for the fact that he was still riding the high of being independent from his family.

His eyes fell back on his few personal items. He’d packed in a hurry, and hadn’t grabbed much other than necessities. Now that he had settled, he was desperately missing all his guitars and comics and CDs.

Ray hadn’t allowed himself the time to mourn everything he ran away from, both material and living. He couldn’t think about the years of comics and music collecting dust in his room, unused and uncared for. Distantly, he almost felt as if he needed something as concrete as an entire lifetime right now, maybe a comfort item from his childhood or his favorite comic series.

He couldn’t go back and get them at this point, not after disappearing with nothing more than a note. So this would have to do.

 

-

 

By early morning, Ray was not any more knowledgeable of Gerard’s habits or schedule than he was before. Ray was fairly certain that Gerard had stayed up all night at his computer doing lord knows what. Ray had not heard him leave his room once.

It wasn’t until Ray started a pot of coffee at about five in the morning that he finally re-emerged.

“Coffee?” Gerard stepped into the kitchen as Ray opened the fridge. Eye bags seemed slightly more prominent under Gerard’s eyes, though other than that he seemed wide awake.

“Yeah, have some if you’d like. I’m gonna bring a cup to work,” Ray scanned the fridge, he found nothing but a small pack of meat at the bottom.

“Oh, nice,” Gerard shifted against the kitchen counter, “I work from home, luckily.”

Ray took the pack out of the fridge, immediately frowning with disgust. Who kept nothing but vegan bacon in their fridge?

“I’m a webcomic artist,” Gerard continued, despite Ray’s silence, “I do most of the work myself on my comic, but I have a few assistants. Like editors. Then I send it to the company to publish.”

Ray hummed with acknowledgment and shut the fridge. He really didn’t plan on trying to be friends with Gerard, he hoped that they could’ve just been two acquaintances who happened to live with each other until Ray was able to afford something more.

Gerard poured himself a cup of coffee and took a small sip. Ignoring Ray’s dismissiveness, he continued on, “You’re starting a new job today, right? What is it?”

“Professor,” Ray sighed and poured some coffee in his travel mug. He didn’t care much for the taste these days, though it kept him focused. He didn’t have a taste for much besides meat, especially not with the full moon rapidly approaching.

Gerard's face lit up, “My friend’s a professor too! Maybe you guys will be at the same college?”

“Maybe,” Ray walked around Gerard and grabbed his messenger bag. He had left it leaning against the counter while looking for something to eat.

“I’m gonna leave now,” Ray stated. The whole werewolf thing made Ray a bit hesitant to be too close to Gerard, but it wouldn’t hurt to be at the very least friendly towards Gerard.

“Bye, have a good day!” Gerard gave him a small wave, hugging his cup of coffee close to his chest.

Ray waved back, giving a slight smile. He could feel Gerard’s piercing gaze follow him out the door.

 

-

 

The community college Ray had been hired at was not far from Gerard’s apartment, luckily. He was able to make it a few minutes early in an attempt to prove his competence.

After he had officially met the admin team, he was sent to his department. They’d help him with what he needed for today, including showing him where his two classes he was teaching today were and where his office would be.

In the second floor of the music building, the staff lounge for his department was hidden away in a corner. The halls leading up to it were pristine and new, though the exterior of all the buildings held an air of regality and age. Though the school wasn’t old, the construction had definitely suggested non-modern architectural influence.

Ray gently pushed the door to the staff lounge open, coming face to a small yet comfy looking room. It was about the same size as a small classroom, though instead of desks it had a mini fridge, a couch, a counter, and a table with chairs. An almost ancient printer sat desolate in a corner, sad-looking next to a filing cabinet.

Leaning against the counter was a short, heavily tattooed man. His hair was dark and messy–it reminded Ray distinctly of Gerard, though his other features didn’t look quite so soft or haunting. He held a steaming cup of coffee to his lips as he scrolled through the phone with his other hand. A coffee machine with a pot half full stood on the counter behind him. Ray stepped into the room and shut the door gently.

The man looked up and smiled brightly. He pushed his phone into his back pocket and bounded over to Ray. 

“Hey, I’m Frank,” the man, Frank, held his hand out. His smile almost looked sly, though not insincere. His tattoos travelled down his extended hand all the way down his fingers. Ray considered asking why his knuckles read “ween”.

Ray shook his hand, returning a friendly smile, “Ray. I’m the replacement.”

Frank nodded, pulling his hand back. His gaze remained steadily on Ray, looking at him with wide brown eyes. “Yeah, thank god that fucker got fired. He was a total asshole.” Ray nodded, though he didn’t know the exact details regarding the old professor’s firing, he knew it wasn’t exactly great circumstances.

“So I’ve heard.” Ray said, pushing his hand into the pocket of his jeans. “Um, the dean mentioned someone helping me with setting up-”

“I can do that!” Frank spoke excitedly, motioning for Ray to follow him out of the staff lounge. Ray trailed besides him, listening to his rapid talking as he pointed out the various classrooms and staircases. The spring in his step and excitable energy reminded Ray vaguely of a small dog. Maybe a chihuahua or yorkie.

“There’s our office, I used to share it with the previous professor. It’s been free until you got here,” Frank pointed to a room with a window showing inside. A placard was installed next to the door reading “205”. Ray could see one messy desk covered in sheet music and various other papers, as if a tornado had gone through solely that desk. On the other side of the room, a desk sat pristine and practically unused.

Frank unlocked the door, then urged Ray inside. The two of them walked to Ray’s new desk, giving Ray an air of hesitance. Was he really ready for this? He had only gotten his masters recently, and on the off chance that Ray did decide to go back home…

He wouldn’t, he decided. He couldn’t, not with a full moon looming over every month.

Ray set his coffee and laptop bag down on the desk, taking up much of the space. A few scratches tarnished the nearly untouched condition of the desk, though Ray still appreciated the space.

“There’s a pc set up in each of the classrooms, you know your login?” Frank took a sip of his coffee and leaned against Ray’s desk.

Ray nodded, Frank gave him a smile in return.

“You have two classes today, right? I’ll show you where they are,” Frank moved away from the desk, tapping his fingers against his coffee cup as Ray followed. Ray had checked a map about five different times to see where he would be teaching, but he followed Frank nonetheless. He was approachable and nice, at the very least. Though Ray knew he wouldn’t be able to go out of his way to be friends with Frank.

 

-

 

It wasn’t until nearly five pm that Ray finally got home. He slugged up the stairs to his shared apartment, feeling exhaustion so prominent he almost fell asleep driving home.

Frank had insisted the two of them track down every professor in their department and introduce Ray to them. He had even made sure to make Ray have a full conversation with each person. Somehow, that was far more terrifying than talking about the history of jazz music in front of 60 students who were only taking the class for gen ed credits.

Ray hoped distantly that Gerard was asleep, or would at the very least leave Ray alone. He stepped up to their apartment door and reached in his jeans pocket. He pulled out his keychain and frowned. 

“Shit,” Ray’s keychain had only his car keys. He patted his pockets on his jeans down, hoping he had maybe put them in his back pockets. All of them were empty. He reached for the door, but found it locked.

Ray sighed with defeat, slowly bringing his hand up to knock on his own apartment door. The knock resounded in the empty hallway, eliciting an air of haunted-ness and hostility. Images of the old horror movies Ray watched with his brothers surfaced to his mind.

Soon enough, Gerard cracked the door open, then opened it fully upon seeing Ray. 

“I forgot my keys,” Ray said, attempting to mask his voice of the embarrassment and exhaustion coursing through him.

“Oh,” Gerard said, then stepped aside to let Ray in. Ray glanced at him as Gerard shut the door, looking far more lively than this morning. His eyebags were gone and his skin almost had an ethereal sheen, his face bright and alert. “How was work?” Gerard trailed behind Ray into the kitchen, watching Ray intently.

“Tiring,” Ray sighed and set his messenger bag on the counter, moving to wash his coffee cup. “Talked to a lot of people, walked up and down the same staircase about 50 times, and taught a couple classes.”

“Hmm, sounds like an exciting change,” Gerard’s voice was earnest as he smiled at Ray. A layer of red coated Gerard’s mouth, some of it smeared a bit to the corner of his mouth.

“I guess so,” Ray shrugged. Teaching had never been his plan, but beggars couldn’t be choosers. “Is your lip bleeding?”

Gerard’s face lit up with something akin to shock, “Oh–maybe! I, uh, bite my lip sometimes when working. It’s a stress thing?”

Ray nodded with acceptance, though Gerard’s reply sounded more like a question than an answer.

Silence fell between the two of them, though Gerard’s gaze remained heavy on Ray as he washed his cup. Despite his soft features and height, Ray found his gaze to be penetrating. As if he was staring right through Ray, picking apart the part of him that he so desperately tried to hide.

Ray knew Gerard wouldn’t be able to figure out he was a werewolf. Nor would he willingly let Gerard know about the werewolf thing, it was basically unbelievable. Who would just accept the supernatural as real, especially from some random guy he met a day prior?

Ray knew it was for the best Gerard never figured it out, though he had yet to figure out how exactly he would keep Gerard off his case. Gerard seemed to have a tendency of talking, and no hesitance around Ray.

Surely, it wouldn’t be a difficult secret to keep.

Chapter 3: Father - Misfits

Summary:

gerard lowkey being a bit gay about ray and ray being weird. yay!

Notes:

hi guys sorry this took forever to update :( school plus a big project has been kicking my ass!!!!! i WILL update again before mcr san francisco (the show im going to!!!!)

i hope u guys enjoy <3

Ray’s presence in the apartment had, to an extent, lifted Gerard’s mood. There weren't really many downsides to Ray living with Gerard, besides Gerard having to work to keep his secret. Ray was quiet, though he was more reserved than shy. He didn’t seem to go out of his way to talk to Gerard, instead only talking during the brief moments they crossed paths (which was a surprisingly small amount, considering they live together).

Frank was right that a roommate motivated him to be a little more active and talkative during the day. Even if Ray wasn’t all that receptive to Gerard’s talking, it brought back a sense of life Gerard had unknowingly lost in his isolation. A sense of humanity, despite his own lack of it. Gerard had found himself excited for the company as the days grew long, even if they didn’t talk much it comforted Gerard to know he wasn’t alone in the haunting old apartment.

Gerard missed being around people, he missed having more than one friend. As un-stereotypically vampiric of him it was to say, he really didn’t like the total isolation. He was never even all that isolated until a few years ago, when his life fell apart.

Gerard found himself seeing Ray as another step towards recovery. Out of isolation, and back to the outside world. He was drawn towards the man and wanting his friendship, even if that came with the struggle of actually talking to someone. Ray seemed unknowable with his reserved nature and quick escapes from the apartment. Gerard, however, is not someone who gives up on something he wants.

So, Gerard often ventured out into their small kitchen at early hours in the morning. Before Ray, it was rarely used. Gerard didn’t care to consume anything but coffee, actual food was unnecessary for him and just a hit at his expenses. Only on the occasions where Frank would visit; even then, the kitchen would only be used if Frank was staying for more than a few hours. Gerard kept vegan bacon for him, and stocked Diet Coke if Frank told him he was visiting in advance.

Gerard leaned his back against the kitchen counter, watching Ray cook on a frying pan. Gerard had very rarely seen Ray cook anything but meat, and today seemed no different. It wasn’t really cooking it anyways, since Ray always ate everything barely cooked. Gerard was half certain Ray only cooked his food so it’d be warm.

“Dude,” Gerard scrunched up his face in disgust, “It’s still breathing.” He gestured towards the steak Ray was taking off the pan and putting onto a plate.

Ray rolled his eyes, though Gerard could see his lips quirk up in amusement. “It tastes good like this.”

“Uh huh,” Gerard eyed it skeptically. Gerard’s meals were comparably worse, but he was forced to eat that way. Ray willingly chose almost raw meat for every meal. Gerard’s meals were necessary for his survival.

Gerard watched as Ray cut the steak into slices next to Gerard on the counter. Instead of cutting them into smaller pieces from there, Ray stabbed through each slice with his fork and used his own teeth to tear through it. The cut was bright red with somewhat of a fleshy look to it, looking tough and nauseating to eat. Juice, maybe watered down blood, dripped from it and down Ray’s chin.

Watching Ray eat confused him; Ray’s behavior seemed strange and almost primal, especially with the way he would glare at Gerard if he ever got too close to his plate. Ray, who was usually quiet, or when he was speaking, kind and careful. Even his teeth reminded him of an animal; his canines were noticeably a bit longer and sharper than the rest of his teeth, though all his teeth appeared to have at the very least a slight sharpness to them. While Gerard had 2 pointy fangs hanging down it the stereotypical vampire-like fashion, Ray’s teeth were vicious-looking in the way an animal’s would be. Like it’d tear flesh apart, like it was meant to rip meat off of bones.

Even Gerard, since turning, still mostly had the flat and broad teeth most humans seemed to possess. If Ray had any, Gerard had yet to see them. Gerard wondered if even Ray’s molars were sharp. He tried to imagine Ray as a vampire with those same teeth, trying to imagine the bite mark that would ensue. Gerard brought a hand up to the side of his own neck, wondering what the sinking of Ray’s teeth into his own flesh would feel like. If then Gerard would know how others felt when he fed, or if Ray’s bite would feel like something entirely different.

Gerard’s thoughts steered towards the specifics–how tenderhearted Ray seemed to be until it came to mealtime. If Gerard would just be a piece of meat or something more; if he was something worth being careful for. Ray's hand gently pulling Gerard's shirt to the side, exposing the nook that connects his shoulders to his neck. If Gerard were human, crimson blood would flow down his pale skin and stain Ray’s mouth. 

The sound of Ray’s fork hitting the plate brought Gerard back from his thoughts, startling him for a second. It suddenly occurred to him just how weird it was to imagine his roommate biting his neck and gently moving his clothes around, especially with said roommate being right next to him. Instead, Gerard tried to direct his attention back to real Ray’s abnormal eating habits.

“Do you want, like…a vegetable or something?” Gerard asked Ray as he chewed up the last piece. Being human at some point, Gerard knew that this definitely wasn’t the healthiest meal option Ray could stick to. If Gerard had refused to eat his vegetables as a kid, his mom would have chastised him and made remarks about his cholesterol level–whatever that meant.

Ray tilted his head a bit, “This is fine. You’re the one with only vegan bacon in the fridge.”

Gerard blushed a bit; that really was an absurd thing to only have. But what was he supposed to say? Oh, I’m a vampire and don’t need to eat anything. “That’s…for my friend?”

Ray raised an eyebrow at him, then put his dish in the sink and rinsed it off. One of them would have to handwash it at some point, Gerard’s apartment–or, theirs now–didn’t come with a dishwasher. Or a clothes washer. They’d have to wash dishes by hand (on the rare occasion there were dishes. One benefit to being a vampire who didn’t need to eat and only drank coffee and blood.) and take clothes to a local laundromat. Another benefit of being a vampire and working from home, there were always plenty of washers and dryers open at 2am.

“You know, I’ve never seen any of your friends. Or heard of them,” Ray said, though there was no malice in his voice. Only intrigue and teasing–Gerard could only hope Ray was actually becoming interested in getting to know him. 

Gerard tried for a teasing smile, “Well, I have yet to see any of your friends.”

“I just moved here,” Ray blushed, averting his eyes to the ground. “It hasn’t even been that long.”

“Aw, that means I can be your first friend,” Gerard said.

Ray looked back up, a soft smile appearing on his face, “What, are you seven?”

“You don’t want to be friends?” Gerard gave him a fake pout, deciding to not comment on the age part. How should Gerard even determine his age? Chronologically, he’s 26. Biologically, he’s 21. He hasn’t changed physically since–not even his hair had grown out past the messy shag-bob thing that was almost to his shoulders. At the very least, he could still dye it, but not bleach it.

“I guess we can,” Ray faked exasperation, crossing his arms and sighing. At the movement, Gerard quickly became so much more aware of the amount of muscle on Ray’s arms. How Gerard had never noticed was beyond him, though it probably had something to do with rarely leaving his room. Only when he heard Ray doing something, and every morning when Ray had to go in for work.

“We should do like, a friend thing together then.” Gerard suggested, leaning the side of his hip against the counter. “We live together and I know basically nothing about you. Why don’t we go somewhere tonight?”

Ray grimaced, “Sorry man, but I have to grade some stuff tonight. Um, quizzes.” Ray spoke quickly, Gerard was only half certain he was telling the truth and not just avoiding talking to Gerard. “Maybe we can go to a bar or something another time?”

“Yeah, sure.” Gerard tried to fight disappointment from his voice. His first attempt at being actually social and going somewhere with someone besides Frank in years only ended in dismissal and possibly making Ray uncomfortable. Great. 

“Just, no bars or drinking. I don't do that anymore,” Gerard continued to speak. Though he could drink alcohol, it was another thing he avoided not long after he turned. It was partially responsible for his whole vampire predicament, and he’d been working on separating himself from the causes and events since.

“Got it,” Ray nodded, then slinked by Gerard down the hall.

“Uh, good luck grading!” Gerard’s voice carried after Ray, sounding unsure. Instead of replying, Ray returned an easy smile that showed the sharp canines in his mouth. Ray disappeared into his room–shutting the door behind him–and leaving Gerard to wonder if he had even cracked the surface of actually befriending Ray, or if Ray was merely amusing him for the sake of being civil.

 

-

 

“I kinda get the vibe that my roommate doesn’t really like me,” Gerard spoke alone in his room, his attention locked onto the monitor and drawing pad in front of him. His phone was placed next to it on his desk, a call lighting up the screen.

“Huh,” Frank’s voice came out in the same light and cheerful manner he always spoke in. “Are you sure? I mean, you guys only met recently.”

“He just seems…dismissive. Or distant. Like, he doesn’t really enact conversations with me, and he never really leaves except for work or whenever he has to go to the grocery store.”

Frank hummed, Gerard could hear him typing away on his own computer. Like Ray, he was probably getting work done. With finals season approaching, even Frank’s schedule began to get busy. “Are you sure he’s not just trying to settle in and get used to everything? From what I’ve heard from you, it seems like he probably made some major life changes. Who jumps at the chance for a random roommate after living in his car for no apparent reason after taking a job completely new to him? Not someone with a steady life.”

Gerard sighed, he couldn’t really judge Ray. At some point, Gerard himself was the one rushing around trying to figure things out and making impulsive decisions. Though, his situation was a bit different than Ray’s, considering Gerard had just gotten turned into a vampire at that point in his life. “I guess–he’s also just weird though.”

“And you're not?” Amusement laced Frank’s voice.

“I have an excuse! Ray’s just–genuinely weird. He eats nothing but barely cooked meat. And he, like, tears at it with his strangely sharp teeth. Isn’t that weird?”

“Ray? That’s his name?” The typing on Frank’s end of the line stopped.

“Yeah? Do you know him? He’s also a professor at some college, you know.”

“Nope,” Frank made a popping sound at the letter p, “Just figured I’d look out for a Ray on campus.”

Gerard hummed in acknowledgement, directing his attention back to the unfinished panels in front of him. The typing resumed, steady and clear through the phone.

After a moment of silence, Gerard spoke up. “I wish this was easier.”

“Becoming friends with Ray?”

“Sorta,” Gerard sighed and leaned back in his chair, stopping his efforts at drawing. “Just, the whole moving forward thing. I wanna get back to the real world, to having friends and a social life. I don’t want to keep feeling haunted by everything, you know?”

“Yeah,” Frank said, “I get it. Just take it one day at a time, Gee. You have an eternity to heal.”

“I guess,” Gerard sighed. It still hadn’t fully hit him that he’d likely be around far longer than Frank. At some point, he wouldn’t have Frank as a friend whether that be to age or health or any other reason. Every time Gerard spoke with Frank, he got a looming feeling that he was running out of time.

Since his turning, time had moved differently. What had once been a blur of days and moments and people, had become a slow inclination. Every second, Gerard felt aware of what was passing. A few hours felt like an eternity, and it was torturous to know he would be around to witness an actual eternity.

He hadn’t quite wrapped his head around it. All that was certain, was that eventually everything he knows now would be gone. In one hundred years, Gerard would still be 21. In one hundred years, Gerard would be forgotten among those that knew him as a human and knew him at his most human moments in his undead-ness. Gerard was clutching at his last bits of humanity, seeing as time was the most human thing of all. It damned everyone. Everyone, but Gerard and the few other vampires.

“Frank?” Gerard whispered.

“Yeah?” Frank whispered back, his voice softer than ever.

“I don’t want to be stuck like this forever.” Gerard didn’t know himself what exactly this was, whether it was his vampirism or his loneliness. Maybe both, maybe they would forever be hand-in-hand.

“You won’t be, it’ll get better.” Frank’s voice was so assured, Gerard wanted to believe him.

Chapter 4: Bullet with Butterfly Wings - Smashing Pumpkins

Summary:

Ray's first full moon in this new town.

Notes:

hi guys!! turns out i was much busier before the sf show than I thought, so the ch had to be released a bit later, sorry 3
on the bright side, i saw mcr for the first time!!!! great day to be a danger days lover, i went crazy when they played sing and summertime <3 i cant believe i saw them live still, unironically the best experience of my life!!
i hope u guys enjoy <3

It isn’t long that Ray’s in his new town before the full moon forebodes. The day it occurs, at the very least, is on a Friday. Which means not having to take a day off right after starting his new job, or coming in feeling absolutely horrible after a full moon.

Even still, the hours leading up to it are grueling. The days, even. Even not when actively a wolf, Ray could feel the toll his transformation, and the days surrounding it, takes on his body. The way it weighed heavy on his mind, permanent and foreboding like the way Atlas holds the sky.

“No coffee today?” Gerard leaned on the tiny kitchen counter, watching as Ray cooked bacon. Real bacon, not whatever vegan stuff Gerard kept for his supposed friend. Ray wouldn’t truly believe this friend exists until he meets him.

“Nah, don’t need it today.” Gerard raised an eyebrow at the obvious lie—Ray knew he looked like absolute shit. Unfortunately, there wasn’t really much he could stomach on days like these. In fact, it seemed the only thing his body would let him consume the day of was meat—as if he was already preparing for his brief lifestyle as a wolf.

Ray turned off the stove, letting the bacon sizzle for a moment. It was the only thing Ray would cook burnt, or really cook at all. Most meats became a lot more nauseating to him when cooked too well done, and more difficult for him to chew. Ray didn’t necessarily want to think about the implications of his diet and how it correlates to his own sense of humanity. 

“Wanna do something tonight?” Gerard questioned. Even though Ray made it clear he wouldn’t drink some, Gerard started a pot of coffee. Ray had never seen him consume anything else, not that Ray could question others eating habits considering his own. Though, Ray’s dietary restrictions were far out of his control.

“Sorry, can’t,” Ray sighed, feigning disappointment. “I promised some old friends I’d go out with them tonight.”

“Really?” Gerard questioned, sounding a bit skeptical. Ray tried not to be hurt; after all, since when did Ray have friends? Also, he didn’t believe that Gerard had friends of his own either.

“Yeah,” Ray said. “We’re going to a bar together.” The lie slid right off Ray’s tongue–he doubted Gerard would follow him to a bar. Didn’t he mention he was sober?

“Oh, have fun!” Gerard smiled and grabbed his mug, the same stained and chipped one he normally used, and filled it with coffee. “Good luck at work!” With those well wishes, Gerard scurried off to his room in a way Ray could only describe as distinctly creature-like.

Ray could only hope work would bring him good luck. Lord knows he’ll need it for the coming night.

 

-

 

“So, how’s the whole new living situation treating ya? You like your neighborhood? What about your roommate?” Frank walked side-by-side with Ray down the music building’s first floor hall, passing lockers filled with instruments and sheet music.

Ray shrugged, trying to focus on the positive aspects despite how dreary today was. “It’s nice, I guess. A lot quieter than where I used to live.”

“How’s things with your roommate?” Frank repeated. “He’s nice to you?”

“Um, yeah? I guess?” The two of them turned down a different corridor, the one leading to their shared office. They both had office hours scheduled to start in a few minutes. “He’s a bit weird, but overall okay.”

“Weird?” Frank titled his head in confusion.

“Yeah,” Ray momentarily debated the ethics of talking about Gerard’s weirdness without him being there. Then decided, whatever, it’s not like Gerard knows anyone or leaves the house. “He never leaves the house. He doesn’t consume anything but coffee. The weirdest thing is, the only thing he keeps in his fridge is vegan bacon. Like, that’s actually insane, right?”

Frank giggled, loud and shrill, “Oh definitely insane. He seems a bit weird.”

“Yeah,” Ray opened the door to their office, watching Frank step inside. “He’s nice though, I guess. A bit talkative, like he’s never had a chance to talk to anyone else.”

Frank raised an eyebrow, but didn’t say anything. Instead, the two of them began pulling out their work and logging into their computers. Frank’s keyboard clacked obnoxiously loud—Ray never understood how people could like those types of keyboards.

“You know,” Frank spoke after a few minutes of silence, still clattering away at his keyboard, “I have a friend like that.”

“Really?” Ray said halfheartedly.

“Mh-hm,” Frank nodded, somewhat sage-like, “Really, with that kind of person, they just need someone there to talk to. He’s probably lonely and doesn’t know how to convey that he wants to be on good terms at least. He probably wants to be friends, but you gotta meet in the middle, you know?”

Ray sighed, leaning back in his chair, “Yeah, I guess.” Good terms, Ray could do. So long as Gerard wouldn’t bud into his life too much and figure out Ray’s a werewolf. Ray needed to keep his secret as down low as possible, others couldn’t know of the supernatural. What would it mean for his safety? Or Gerard’s?

The only people who knew of Ray’s predicament were hundreds of miles away, alerted of his absence by only a note and missing items. Ray didn’t think about it often; the memory clawed at his guts and mind, bringing shame and nausea at how cowardly it seemed the more he thought about it. How he left everything behind with the excuse that he was keeping his loved ones safe–but how much danger were they really in initially?

In the later hours of the night, when he couldn’t sleep without feeling teeth in his skin and saliva mixing with blood, he’d consider calling. Begging for their forgiveness, explaining how grateful he was for them and all they did to help him through the worst time of his life.

But then he’d remember the rope burns still fading on his wrists, and the fear on his mother’s face at a creature that was never quite her son after the accident, regardless of whether or not it was the full moon.

He was better off on his own, with his strange roommate and erratic coworker.

“Y’know Ray, we don’t know each other all that well,” Frank’s voice broke through Ray’s thoughts. He turned his head to look at Frank, who had turned in his swivel chair to face Ray. He hadn’t even noticed that Frank’s keyboard stopped making noises.

“Yeah?” Ray said with uncertainty. It was Ray’s intention that they didn’t know each other well. He needed to be unknowable, people started asking too many questions otherwise. 

His old band mates, questioning why he couldn’t play on certain nights. Old peers wanting to meet up, giving concerned looks to his increasingly scraggly appearance as the full moon approached.

“We should hang out some time, you seem like a cool dude,” Frank continued, “There’s a show going on tonight at an old bar I used to play at, wanna come?”

Ray grimaced, it did sound like fun actually. He rarely went to shows, or anywhere but work, anymore. Unfortunately, he had plans out of his control. “Sorry man, I promised some old friends I’d hang out with them tonight.”

“Damn, it's okay,” Frank gave him an easygoing smile. “Next time?”

“For sure,” And Ray found himself genuinely wanting a next time.

 

-

 

The next morning, Ray was on high alert. His skin felt as though it didn’t fit right, his hair messy with twigs and dirt. He had researched forests nearby weeks before, when he had first moved, and had checked them out prior to the full moon.

It had worked out–he was far enough from civilization to not be a nuisance to anyone, even if it meant he had to hike a few miles at dusk into the forest.

It was the first time he had turned on his own, without anyone there to keep him down and others safe. Somehow, it worked out better. He awoke feeling disoriented and sick–as usual–but missing the usual ropes around him and blood drops on the ground. Oftentimes, his family would never tell him if the blood was his or theirs.

Maybe he was right, running away was safer for everyone. Still, it was exhausting getting back to his car; grueling and demanding on his already spent body and mind. It’d taken him at least two more hours than walking there. He’d need the rest of the weekend to recover for sure.

The drive back to his apartment was long and silent. He turned on the radio at one point, but when Rob Zombie’s “Werewolf, Baby!” came on he had no choice but to turn it off.

By the time he made it back to his apartment, it was nearly midday. He was ready to drop dead, he was starving and dehydrated, and he was still covered in dirt, twigs, and scratches. His brothers had once told him he didn’t seem quite human after full moons, with wild eyes and sharp movements and bated breath, but Ray didn’t feel human ever anymore.

When he got to the parking lot, he opted to sit for a moment and mentally prepare himself for what lay inside. He had 4 missed calls from Gerard, and one voicemail asking Ray to call back and let Gerard know he’s safe. Ray did not call back. It struck Ray that he had not told Gerard he’d be gone all night, oops.

After a few moments, with a heavy sigh, Ray left his car. Making sure to lock it, he walked into the building dejectedly. He passed a mother and her son, the mother giving a small gasp at his state–he probably looked far far worse than he usually did after his transformation, considering he was usually locked in a basement and not in the middle of the woods.

The stairs were agonizing on his stiff and tired legs, but he had no place to go but up. When he finally made it to his floor, he reached to open the door only for it to be pulled open by Gerard.

Concern was written all over Gerard’s face, with his eyebrows furrowed and a slight frown present. His concern mixed with surprise as he took in Ray’s appearance, eyes widening.

“Holy shit–Are you okay?” Gerard moved out of the way to let Ray inside. Ray immediately walked to the kitchen cabinets, pulling a glass cup out and filling it with tap water.

After taking a sip, Ray responded. “Partied too hard, I guess.”

Gerard gave him a raised eyebrow, expression clearly thinking Yeah, no shit.

Instead of commenting on the obvious wreck of a state Ray was in and how he left overnight, Gerard gestured to the coffee pot. “Um, do you want me to start some coffee or something? No offense, but you really look like you could use it.”

Ray shook his head, sighing, “Nah, I think I just need to shower and sleep.” An understatement, at best.

“Ah, alright,” Ray could feel Gerard’s piercing gaze following Ray as he stepped over to his room, grabbing a clean change of clothes.

Ray didn’t meet Gerard’s eyes as he ventured to the bathroom, locking the door behind him quickly and sighing. Ray looked up into the mirror–he really did look horrible. Exhausted, scratched up, hair a frizzy and tangled mess, with wild and wide eyes. Animalistic, in some fucked up way.

“God, fuck my life,” Ray hit his head lightly against the mirror, sure he was smearing dirt all over it.

Slowly, with careful movements to not further aggravate his already sore and aching limbs, Ray stripped his clothes. He tried to avoid looking in the mirror–his gaze always caught onto the jagged and raised scars on his shoulder. His oldest brother, Louis, had reassured him they looked sick in a cool way, but Ray thought they looked sick in a disturbing way. Mangled and mauled, Ray always thought of them.

Ray sighed, hauling himself into the shower, letting the heat of the water calm his pained limbs and exhaust his mind more. Every full moon he thought he would be more mentally and physically prepared, but not one time had it not taken a huge toll on him. Every time, he felt a bit further from human.

He could only cling to the hope it would get better, he would adapt. It had to get better.

Notes:

im gonna be gone backpacking for about 2 weeks with 0 service, so it may take a while for the next ch to be up!!!!

Chapter 5: Vampires Will Never Hurt You - My Chemical Romance

Summary:

frerard tw. briefly. also gerard centric chapter!!! and some more backstory on him!!!! yay!!!!!

also mentions of murder in this ch. bewar

Notes:

hi guys !!! sorry this chapter took literally forever. life update cus the ao3 curse lowkey hit. i was backpacking for just under 2 weeks(i was doing a trek at philmont, if any of u r familiar with it!), then on the way back i got a severe dental infection. yay . so spontaneous wisdom tooth removal a few days after i got back (yay for being related to an oral surgeon!) and it lowkey kicked my ass so bad and im half certain he took out the wrong tooth because i only have one molar on my bottom right jaw now? and i didnt have any wisdom teeth at all on my bottom left side. anyways i was lowkey going a bit crazy because between backpacking, the infection making my gums swell over my teeth, and the wisdom teeth removal i had like no actual good food for 3 weeks. im feeling better now thankfully but i do go back to college on monday so < / 3

also also parts of this ch is heavily inspired by Giovanni's Room by James Baldwin!!! great book i highly recommend

i hope u guys enjoy this ch !!! frerard tw. hi g <3

Since his turning, Gerard had spent almost all of his time in isolation. Besides the very brief period immediately after it–in which he dropped out of school, moved home with his family for a few weeks, then left to find his own place–he had no one but Frank to rely on.

And even then, Frank hadn’t been there initially. For sometime after getting his own apartment, struggling to find a remote job, and fighting the shame of it all he was completely alone. At first, the isolation had been a blessing. He wasn’t putting anyone he loved in danger, he wasn’t at risk of hurting someone again. He could wallow in his own despair and try to wrap his mind around an eternity of this seclusion.

But then the hunger would come; his skin would somehow get paler and become clammy, his brain fogged, his limbs became heavy with vertigo and fatigue. He’d push off eating for as long as he could, if anything to spare others. He didn’t know how to control how much blood he took when he was starving–it was too easy to splurge in his mind’s haze, and he had yet to learn how much blood was a safe amount to take. Not that it was much of a consideration for him in that state, with his brain too overtaken with hunger.

It was in the beginning of a period of one of these hazes, nearly five years before Ray had moved in, that Gerard found himself at a shitty bar and run-down part of the city. He knew it was dangerous to feed directly from someone. He could be found out, someone could die. They probably would, with Gerard’s lack of knowledge and everlasting starving. But those motivations are what led him to one that didn’t ID, that attracted young, broke college students and unmarried older men with just enough money for drinks and food.

He’d slink into some shitty bar, pretend to be a college student looking for a meal in exchange for spending a night with one of the older men. Gerard would be eternally young, barely 21 by the time he was bitten. Mikey used to joke that baby fat still clung to his face, that it would never go away. He was right, though he never meant it.

Gerard would leave long before the morning, he’d never have to spend the entire night. The men always lived alone in some shoddy apartment, not much nicer than Gerard’s own, with little interaction with the outside world. He could only hope their bodies would be found soon enough, he’d hoped that someone would care enough to check on the men.

Gerard tried not to think about what he was doing, the selfishness and shame of it all. How this was so much worse than he could have ever imagined, how he had once romanticized the concept of vampires in his teenage years. And now, his life was just a perpetual cycle of hunger and deceit and killing.

The guilt crushed him, peaking a couple months in when he arrived at a bar he frequented. It was much more deserted than it had been the few previous times he had scouted out here. The unusual silence and desertion unnerved Gerard, bringing worry to his mind that he could possibly be found out.

He sat at the bar, looking anywhere but down at his shaky hands. He couldn’t even draw with the tremors, not to mention the fogginess in his head preventing him from thinking properly about his work. He had waited too long. He felt less human than ever, his limbs felt detached from his body and his body detached from his mind. Hunger and guilt coursed through him uncontrollably, adding onto his misery.

Gerard ordered a cup of water, if anything so he wasn’t loitering around. He was pretty certain he didn’t need water anymore; at least, not as much as he needed blood. His eyes glanced around the bar, primal feeling in the way it seemed like he was scouting out prey. There were still almost no people. Despite the lack of patrons, Gerard locked eyes with a boy around his age sitting alone at a booth. Wide, dog-like eyes, filled with so much life.

His clothes were baggy and distressed, and his hair messy and dark. With a white studded belt loose around his hips, he gave off the impression of being somewhat of a punk. He was short, but probably around Gerard’s biological age. Someone that somebody somewhere would for sure miss.

Nonetheless, when the boy’s gaze seemed to trail up and down Gerard, Gerard didn’t look away. He was starving, he was running out of choices before it got even more dangerous for himself and others. Soon enough, when the boy sauntered over and started mumbling flirtatious words into Gerard’s ear, Gerard had made up his mind.

Gerard, not tipsy at all, and the boy, barely tipsy, staggered home. They headed to Gerard’s apartment, it was the first time Gerard had taken someone to his own place after his turning. It’s not like Gerard had many options for them to go to, as the boy insisted he had multiple roommates in his own shitty apartment. People who would miss him, Gerard figured. A man young enough where his death would garner attention. News of his mysterious passing would spread across his college campus, police would search and look until they found out it was some queer punk who was dead. Maybe then they would stop, but not the others. His roommates, friends, and school would still be on alert. He’d become a warning. A young body found, with a mystifying death as Gerard’s saliva would heal the puncture wounds.

Gerard never had wanted to kill someone, especially not a young guy with a whole life to look forward to. But, Gerard’s choices were increasingly dwindling and his desperation growing. He’d have to hop town at some point, even with his limited income and lease that hadn’t yet ended.

The man didn’t comment on the mess of paintings everywhere, or the shattered mug and spilled coffee being the only thing in the kitchen. He didn’t talk about the angry, vibrant strokes on canvases or sketchbook paper ripped to shreds, but instead followed Gerard into his bedroom. Gerard could see his eyes linger, though. The way they caught on to thrown pencils and piles of tossed ideas, or how his gaze would hang onto the gorey paintings that creating had only made Gerard feel better very briefly. 

Instead, all he said was “Are you an artist?”

“I guess,” Gerard let the boy push him onto the bed. He didn’t want to talk to this guy, he never makes any connections with any of the men he slept with. He couldn’t bear acknowledging that they’re real, that they had real lives and passions and pasts. That they could’ve had a future too.

“Me too,” The man said, Gerard’s eyes caught onto the tattoos decorated onto his right wrist. One was a broken heart, the other a string of words Gerard couldn’t bring himself to read. Gerard knew it had to be something too personal. “A musician, though. I play in a few bands.”

“Oh,” Gerard sighed, so much for personal connections. As his gaze traveled back up to the man’s face, Gerard realized another tattoo on the man. A fresh scorpion on the right side of his neck, Gerard could have almost sworn it was missing a leg.

Instead of continuing talking, Gerard scooted back on the bed, pulling the man with him. The stranger obliged, letting his hands hold himself up next to Gerard’s sides once they had laid down. His face hovered over Gerard’s, soft and so lively. His cheeks red with blood circulation, his choppy mohawk coming undone from the gel holding it together.

“Not much of a talker?” The guy joked, but Gerard shook his head. Nope . Instead, pulling the man down for a kiss. A kiss that quickly developed into teeth and tongue and quick, breathy gasps.

Gerard could feel the man’s face heat up against his own, cold and devoid of any flush. Gerard could feel the way he pressed his body closer, straddling Gerard on the bed. And the way his heart beat so clearly against Gerard’s chest, so unbelievably alive.

Gerard's mouth moved to the corner of the man’s lips, pressing soft kisses there and down to the right side of his jaw. The man settled into Gerard’s lap, letting Gerard press sloppier kisses across his jaw line and down his neck. 

He stopped his descent at where he thought the man’s carotid artery must’ve been, close to the scorpion tattoo. He sucked a hickey just above the artwork, letting himself gather the courage to sink his teeth into the man.

His mouth lingered over the tattoo, opening just enough for his lips to graze it. His fangs descended, hanging dangerously close to skin, Gerard’s hands gripped the man’s hips tighter as he mentally prepared himself.

At the feeling of Gerard’s mouth more pronounced against his neck, the man suddenly pulled himself up. Gerard froze with fear—had the man noticed? Did he know that Gerard was a vampire?

“Whoa, not the tattoo man. It’s pretty fresh,” his voice was a bit more breathless than it had been their short conversation prior, and his words came out a bit more rushed. His skin still flushed with red, blood Gerard had been so close to consuming. “Shit dude, are those fangs?”

Gerard didn’t speak, instead staring unblinkingly at the man still on top of him. Fear didn’t seem present in his eyes, only confusion as he swept his gaze over Gerard’s face. His eyes locking between Gerard’s teeth, then his red-hued eyes, then the paleness of his skin. Something akin to confusion settled in his expression, his eyebrows furrowing.

“You’re…” The boy titled his head, dog-like and confused, “a vampire? Or just freaky?”

Gerard moved his hand from the man’s hips, instead resting them to the side of the two of them. Gerard considered what to say for a moment. Yeah I'm a vampire and I was actually planning on killing you right now. Or No, im not a vampire im just gonna dig my literal fangs into your neck for some reason.

Instead, when Gerard opened his mouth to respond, a small sob came out. He could feel tears begin to well in his eyes, threatening to fall as Gerard brought his hands up to cover his face.

As Gerard struggled to stop the small sobs and hiccups escaping him, the man slid off of him and instead sat next to Gerard. Or, as well as he could, considering Gerard didn’t have a very large bed.

“I’m sorry,” Gerard’s words came out in gasps, struggling to breathe well with his crying. “I didn’t want to.”

Though Gerard couldn’t see the man’s expression with his hands covering his vision, a hand settled on his forehead. Patting his hair gently, the man spoke, “Hey, it’s okay. Don’t cry. We can talk about it, if you want?”

Gerard had a feeling this man had no clue what it meant, but uncovered his face nonetheless. The man’s soft features remained locked onto Gerard’s own face, looking at him with concern and care Gerard hadn’t seen in months. Not since Mikey. The thought only brought more tears to Gerard’s eyes.

“I’m sorry,” Gerard repeated, “Fuck, I’m so sorry.” He closed his eyes as more tears spilled out, though his sobs slowed. The man remained silent, still gently caressing his hair.

After a moment of Gerard getting control of his breathing again and trying to figure out what to say, he spoke up. “I don’t want to hurt you.”

The man raised an eyebrow with questioning, so Gerard continued. “Seriously, I don’t. I’d swear on my life if I could. I just…” Gerard took a deep breath, the sound rattling and breathless, “I’m so hungry. And I don’t know what else to do.”

The man made a hmm sound, maybe with understanding. Slowly, he nodded his head, “So, you’re actually a vampire then? No shit?”

Gerard nodded, advertising his eyes. The two of them fell into silence as the man processed this, broken by the occasional sniffle from Gerard.

“You don’t have to kill your…food? Right?” The man questioned, though it didn’t sound accusatory. Just curious, as if he was trying to solve Gerard’s crisis.

“I don’t think so,” Gerard said, “I don’t know how not to. I try not to feed often, but by the time I do, I just can’t control it…” Gerard’s voice fizzled out in the end, his hands bringing themselves together to pick at the skin around his nails.

The man nodded, “Shouldn’t you have had like…an eternity to figure that out?” His hand paused on Gerard’s head, causing Gerard to look up and meet the stranger’s eyes again. Still no fear or anger was present in his face, just concern. Maybe confusion.

Gerard gave him a miserable ha , as if the idea of eternity would be absurd. “You’d think so. I just got turned, though. Not even a year ago.”

The man’s eyebrows raised with shock, “Shit, so you really have no clue what you’re doing, huh?”

Gerard half-shrugged, he really really had no fucking clue what he was doing.

The man’s eyes darted up as though he were thinking, his face scrunching up in consideration. A finger tapped lightly against Gerard’s forehead, as if keeping him aware that the man was still there.

“I volunteer at my school’s blood drive,” he finally said after a moment of silence, “I have a key to the truck. The one with all the blood in it, since we’re finishing the drive tomorrow, and supposedly transporting it tomorrow night.”

Gerard’s eyes widened, why hadn’t that occurred to him? Maybe he didn’t have to get it directly from the source, and he sure as hell wasn’t gonna get it from an animal. Last time he tried, he had gotten sick for a week. And when he came down from his fever, he was far, far more hungry than he had ever been.

“I’ll get some for you,” the man continued, a determined look on his face, “You stay put, don’t go around feigning any more hookups for like an hour, and then you’ll have food. Okay?”

Gerard nodded, “Okay. Thank you.” His voice was small and tormented-sounding. Hunger bit at his gut at the mention of feeding, but Gerard agreed. He’d stay put. It’d be the safest option for everyone.

Gerard closed his eyes, listening to the man shuffle out of Gerard’s apartment. It had only been a few minutes—maybe 15, or maybe an hour, Gerard’s concept of time had long since begun running thin—that he realized that maybe trusting this stranger wasn’t the best idea. He could come back with police, saying he found a crazed murder under the disillusion that he's a vampire. Or he may not be coming back at all, choosing to save himself instead. Either way, Gerard hadn’t been thinking rationally when he agreed to let the stranger go.

Gerard’s mind reeled at the possibilities; he probably was fucked. He certainly wasn’t getting anything to satisfy the hunger clawing at his insides, ripping apart his somewhat sound mind. Now that blood was out of his immediate sight, he was beginning to feel a bit stir-crazy. Maybe just crazy in general.

And yet, after time Gerard couldn’t completely comprehend passing, the apartment door clicked open again. The stranger was back, a freezer bag slung over his shoulder. Gerard had half the sense to jump him right then, but used whatever rational part of his mind left to not to. Instead, he sat up in his bed, his gaze quickly focusing on the bag.

“Sorry it took so long, I had to stop at my own apartment for the freezer bag and ice packs,” the man took out a blood pouch, giving an amused smile at how quick Gerard snatched it out of his hands.

Gerard could feel his gaze pierce through him as he ripped the corner open, immediately sucking at the opening. Warmth coursed through him, quickly clearing his mind of fog and whacking away at the exhaustion that had once settled in his limbs.

“Damn, you really weren’t kidding,” the man was looking at Gerard, his eyebrows raised as if he was impressed. “I have like two others, I can put them in the fridge?”

Gerard gave him a grateful nod, humming with acknowledgment as he still worked his way at the pouch. The man put the two other pouches in the otherwise empty fridge, front and center.

As Gerard finished the last of the pouch, feeling significantly better physically and a lot less guilty than he usually did after feeding, the man strolled back over. He plopped down on the other edge of Gerard’s bed, watching Gerard try to get the last few drops out.

As Gerard set the pouch down and met the man’s eyes, the man spoke, “Do you have a vampire-ish name? Or are you named something stupid and unfitting, like Mark. Or Kyle.”

Gerard shrugged, “Depends. Does Gerard sound stupid for a vampire?”

The man raised an eyebrow, “Dude, you sure you weren’t turned like 50 years ago? That’s like, an old man's name.”

Gerard looked at him with faux exasperation before breaking out into a quick, breathy laugh. The man across from him visibly relaxed, a bit more trusting that Gerard wouldn’t kill him then. Maybe he viewed Gerard more human, Gerard certainly was beginning to feel closer to human than he had in a while.

“As if your name could be anymore fit for being a vampire,” Gerard said.

“To be quite frank, probably not.” The man shrugged, giggling to himself as if he had said the funniest thing ever. “But also, I’m not a vampire. So.”

Gerard mock rolled his eyes, “What’s your name then?”

“Frank.” The man said as if that cleared anything up about his amusement. A downwards, lopsided smile erupted on his face as if he was trying to contain laughter.

Gerard nodded, deciding that he didn’t really have the energy to press further. He leaned back against his headboard, letting silence fall between the two of them. Frank didn’t seem to mind, instead taking a moment to take a closer look at Gerard’s room than he had coming in. It was a mess, just as bad as the rest of the house, but it was more of a controlled mess in here. Gerard knew where everything was.

“Can I ask how you were turned?” Frank’s eyes still roamed the room, alight with life and interest. “You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. No pressure.”

Gerard sighed, closing his eyes. He’d often pushed his turning to the back of his mind, trying to distance himself from the memory of it, and of the events leading up to it. On the off chance that he would not be able to ward off his thoughts, he’d let his anger out in the form of angry paint strokes and broken pencils, shattered from the force of his grip. Remembering was never a rational thought process either, something he couldn’t really work through effectively. It was a broken dam of emotion that he couldn’t fix up and would ultimately decide to ignore.

Gerard hadn’t planned on being prepared to confront the past few months anytime soon. Though, he also hadn’t been prepared for a more ethical solution to his feeding problem to be practically dropped onto his lap. Nor had he expected to make an acquaintance out of it all.

A night for new beginnings, Gerard decided after a few moments of thought. Frank hadn’t interrupted his pondering, though his hands picked at the skin around his nails. Nerves or just a habit, Gerard couldn’t tell. Maybe he’d know someday, though, if Gerard was able to get words out.

And soon enough, words started to spill from Gerard’s mouth. His college days, the shame embedded into him from a young age, the desire to fit in but also to drown everything out in any way possible. The days since dropping out of school—never ending and isolating, but also agonizing with the weight of all his past and the knowledge of an eternity of suffering ahead of him.

Frank’s face was understanding as teardrops rolled down Gerard’s face for the second time that night, Frank listening with such care as if he too knew what Gerard had gone through on a personal level. Frank’s expression and soft words grew more empathetic with each confession, though Gerard could feel a sense of heaviness being lifted off his own shoulders.

The years following, Gerard’s sense of loneliness had thinned. Though not diminished, it’d always be there so long as his shame pinned itself to the forefront of his mind, it wasn’t anywhere near as bad. Tolerable, but he was never quite comfortable with it.

The weight eased on days Frank would visit, though every time Gerard would catch a glimpse of something changing in Frank. New tattoos, the occasional new piecing, maybe stubble that Frank didn’t notice until it grew dark and prominent on his face. New haircuts or dye nearly every time Gerard saw him, though Gerard remained everlasting as his 21 year old self. That reminder of aging, or Gerard’s lack thereof, only served to perpetuate the loneliness.

That loneliness wore down into his mind the night Ray left for a bar. Had he mentioned staying the night somewhere else? Gerard didn’t think so. It brought an unnerving sense of anxiety knowing that Ray might be in danger, that Gerard had no clue where he was. That maybe, some other guy was thinking that Ray was the type of person no one would miss if something happened. If something had happened, Gerard would have no idea until Ray was past help.

Late into the night, whatever time it was for there to be no cars driving down his street or people coming home from to apartments, Gerard had texted Frank. Asking him what the fuck he should do, if anything at all.

Frank had responded with idk man, he’s probs hooking up with some chick rn. The words settled into Gerard’s stomach uncomfortably, though not just with fear that Ray could be in danger. Something uglier and more personal, which Gerard decided to not dwell on. He couldn't, not with Ray’s safety being at the forefront of his mind.

Instead, Gerard exited his messages with Frank—the only contact in his phone besides his boss and a few coworkers, just the ones he had to interact with—and tried calling Ray. Even if he was with a girl, it’d be better to know he was safe.

Worry seeped into Gerard as the call went straight to voicemail after ringing for a moment. Gerard sighed, opting to call again every once in a while. Much later into the night, he made sure to leave a voicemail. Gerard opened up his computer, deciding to get some work done while waiting. He couldn’t just wallow in his own anxiety–it would only make it worse for himself.

Hours later, early into the morning when the sun had just begun to peek in through an open sliver of one of Gerard’s bedroom curtains, Gerard heard the soft steps he'd learned to associate with Ray coming home. He shot up out of his work chair, opening the door to let Ray inside just as Ray walked up.

Relief was the first thing he had felt, then concern. Ray was alive and seemingly intact, so long as Gerard could look past the dirt smeared all over him and the twigs stuck into his frizzy curls.

Dried blood seemed to stick to small scratches on his hands, and his limbs appeared to sag with exhaustion. Ray looked unusually small with the way he hunched and dragged his body, as if every step was an impossible chore. Stubble had grown in seemingly overnight, and his nails almost looked a bit longer and sharper. His eyes were wide and caught onto things in the room with vigor, as if he was scouting the area. There was something animalistic about his appearance, reminding Gerard somewhat of the hunger that he would let overtake him in his first few months of being a vampire.

Gerard had half the sense to ask if he had slept in the woods, or fought an animal, or something just as dirtying. Instead, he opted to attempt polite conversation. A few sentences, offering up some coffee, then he watched as Ray ventured miserably into their bathroom for a shower.

Gerard, despite Ray’s objection to it, decided to make coffee anyway. If anything, Ray or Gerard could reheat it later if they wanted it. As the coffee began to steep, Gerard pulled out his phone to update Frank on Ray’s return.

Gerard described the state Ray had returned in, the way he seemed half on high alert and half exhausted. How closed off he seemed in his replies and demeanor, as if he didn’t want help. Though, Gerard was the only person in his vicinity who could if Ray wanted it.

Y’know, this would be a great time to make that first step towards friendship. Frank texted. Gerard sighed dramatically, as if Frank was there in person to see his annoyance. Hadn’t Gerard already tried that? Hadn’t Ray turned down his offer to hang out, and shot down most conversations?

It wouldn’t hurt to try again, Frank said once Gerard had finally decided to respond. He could hear the shower being turned off, maybe soon Gerard would have a window to try talking. Worst case scenario, he just thinks you’re annoying. 

Gerard considered it, maybe he did have to press more. Ray didn’t seem to have much of a support system at all, if any. He never mentioned any family or named any specific friends. His closed off speaking and reclusive attitude reminded Gerard distinctly of his own five years ago. Five years that had passed like nothing, though five years with a friend who had taken the step to help Gerard himself.

Pouring coffee into a mug for himself, Gerard thought about the crushing loneliness. The feeling of shame from his very existence, both as a vampire and being queer. The guilt embedded from an early age, regardless of how he turned out now. Gerard didn’t know if Ray was going through anything really similar, but the feelings seemed to be comparable. At least on the outside, they were.

Gerard tapped his coffee mug, letting it cool for a moment before taking a sip. A new beginning, a chance to pay forward what Frank had done for him.

Ray stepped out of the bathroom, sweatpants and a black shirt sticking to his skin with dampness. His sopping wet hair fell into his face and stuck to his neck. He briefly glanced at Gerard, giving Gerard a look at the bags pulling Ray’s eyes down. The paleness of his skin was apparent, off-putting on Ray when he usually looked decently healthy. Immediately, he continued down the hall without a word.

“Ray?” Gerard raised his voice just enough he knew Ray wouldn’t be able to ignore him by claiming he didn’t hear him. Ray stopped, not looking behind.

“Um,” Gerard continued, why hadn’t he planned what to say? “We should watch a movie. Here. Tomorrow? You can pick it?”

At that, Ray seemed to perk up at least a little bit. Finally turning just enough to meet Gerard’s eyes, Ray sent him a smile that looked a bit too much like a grimace. “Sure, sounds fun.”

Gerard returned with a thumbs up, watching Ray retreat into his room. He heard Ray flop down onto the creaky bed immediately, assumedly going right to sleep. Gerard hoped he was—he really looked like he needed it.

Silently in his mind, Gerard celebrated. He was making small steps to being closer with Ray, even if they were baby steps. A soft smile overtook his face, he'd have to update Frank.