Chapter 1: 1
Chapter Text
Limerence is a tough pill to swallow, but for me, it's more of a choking hazard at this point.
It's not a thing you could just "get over", move on, or just find someone new, no matter how many times Patrick could lecture me about it; It's more like a flu than a papercut.
Patrick was sat next to me in the back of the tour bus, his back pressed against the wall where the walls connect and the tacky red seating curves and clings to the next wall.
We were having another one of "those" chats again; Patrick has been fighting tooth and nail to pry me off Mikey. It's pretty hypocritical of me, If I saw Patrick being tossed and thrown around by a chick of course I would be nagging and BEGGING Patrick to buzz off from her ball and chain the same way he's been doing for me- Hell, the only difference for me though, is that I would kick that chick's ass; Patrick's too polite.
Patrick exhaled, clearly tired of beating the same bullshit into my brain to the point of genuine insanity. "You're not seriously going over to My Chem's bus to hang out with Mikey alone. God, Pete- You make me sound like an asshole, but seriously- please get this into your head Pete- he's hurting you. Don't you ever hear yourself when you whine and complain about him to me? If this was meant to be like you always try to tell me this is, you wouldn't be complaining!" Patrick tried to keep his voice controlled, but you could definitely see the boiling pot behind his eyes begin to bubble over.
I take a deep inhale and let my breath and words exit like air out a flute.. a very exhausted and hypocritical flute. "After this time, Patrick," I cleared my throat "It's the end of Warped, and Mikey said we could just meet up at the bus and go walk around the grounds. After this I'll cut him off- I swear- Hey, even I feel like the past month or so, I've beginning to fall out of love with him.. as unbelievable as that sounds."
I'm lying though my teeth. I'm nothing but a lovesick puppy chained to Mikey's foot; Patrick's not dumb, we both know I'll stick with Mikey and let his drag me in the dirt no matter the circumstances or what I "swear".
Patrick looks at me with that same look. His blue eyes can read me front and back, we both know I'm nothing but an unrescueable loony who can't get over a stupid boy. "I swear to god, Pete.. you're a lost cause.- Y'know what? Fine. Pete I want to give you the benefit of the doubt. I really want to trust you and believe you, and you're grown- You should know what's best for you." Patrick gave me a heavy-handed pat on the shoulder. "You're my bestfriend Pete, and I think Mikey's a bastard- he doesn't deserve you, Pete."
Before I know it, I feel that inevitable lump in the back of my throat. The instant impulse to defend the man I love and hate so much- the man who could make me twist and turn with even just the wrong look from him.
"Patrick, you don't understand. You don't see the side of him that I see- he's not the monster you make him out to be. I'm delusional as you said, remember? If you don't think I could see Mikey clear with my own eyes, how do you know what I say about him isn't some delusional dramatized version of it?" The word's begin to bleed out from my lips like an open wound, gushing the most regrettable words leaving blood stains. "I- I spoke to Gerard about Mikey. To me- To me at least, it didn't seem like he had any ill intentions.. I think I just don't know how to handle being in love-"
Patrick cuts me off before I continue to further shove my foot down my throat with words I can't believe I'm spouting. "Pete if you even did speak to Gerard about it- why is he ignoring the fact that Mikey completely ruined you for months. Bad intentions or not, you're still wrapped around his finger and he knows this, Pete!" Patrick's voice was strained and tender, viscous with subtle desperation. "Of course Gerard's going to make Mikey sound and look as good as possible- They're brothers." Patrick took a healthy pause between each syllable- any attempt to make this more digestible for my brain without teeth.
The sudden possibility of Gerard possibly just lying to my face to cover up for Mikey, even the thought being ENTERAINED sent me spiraling. I've whittled myself down to remain attached to Mikey, to rely on him for my sanity; the thought of him or the people who surrounds himself with to be dishonest.. that would mean the only people around me are as stable as bridge made of tissues.
No..- No it couldn't be like that. If it was- well I'd be all alone again. I could trust Patrick's words as much as I could trust Gerard's, and for now, Patrick doesn't understand the extent of what he's talking about.
My hand makes it's way grab my phone from my back pocket, completely disregarding any (all) of the value in Patrick's words and checked the time, 5pm. I slide forward onto my feet and exhaled turning my head to Patrick. "I wish you could see it the way I see it, Patrick. It's my fault Mikey sounds bad for me- I swear, he's not a bad person." I cut off Patrick right before he's about to speak. "We have chemistry." my lips curl into a weak smirk; Before I told Patrick any ill about Mikey, he'd get all excited and cheer me on when I said that, now it's nothing more than an eyeroll.
Patrick leaned back in the tacky red couch, and brought his arms up to crossed them loosely. "Whatever, have fun I guess."
Chapter 2: 2
Summary:
this chapter isnt finished theres like parts i still need to fill out so likeeeee excuse meeeeee sorrry enjoy your toxic petekey yuri
Chapter Text
(Pete pov)—
I had to admit- I do feel a bit woozy fighting with Patrick, he's my bestfriend after all; Patrick is the only person who would be there for me through anything, and i'm just disregarding any help he gives me.
-not that it's help, it's Patrick's petty opinion. He never liked Mikey, of course he'd be opposed to the idea of me and him ever getting together.
God- I think too much. Ever since I started to catch feelings for Mikey, I feel like every little thing I do or say feels highlighted and spotlighted- Like i'm walking on eggshells even.
I just want to be worth something to Mikey, in all honesty. I don't want to be just some other guy in the plethora of guys and girls he knows- I want to be the one that matters most to him- i just want to exist to him. When I'm with Mikey, I always seem to catch his eye- just- not eye-catching enough to get that OUNCE more attention I beg for from him. It's brutal, worse than a kick in the teeth every single time.
—
I aimlessly watch my feet step closer and closer to My Chem's bus; I was too lost in my own mind to even notice how many steps I had taken.
"Pete! Heyyyy."
My head immediately perks up at the sudden outburst of my name.
"Pete, are you alright?" Mikey pushed up his glasses. He was sitting on the small few steps that led into the bus, smoking a cigarette- of course.
I cleared my throat, putting up my toothiest smile- like I wasn't about to crumble at the mere presence of him.
"Oh- ah- uhm.. Yeah! Sorry.." My eyes can't help but wonder towards Mikey's pointer and middle finger, the ones that hugged the cigarette in place. Thin and nearly translucent, he was pale- no where as pale as his brother though.
I lean against the wall of the bus right beside him, feeling my lips curl up into a small smirk. "I thought you were quitting, Mikey." It was an obvious tease, we both know either of us couldn't drop smokes for eternal happiness. "You know the drill, hand it over."
Mikey's face reflected my smirk and placed the cig in my hand, his knuckles briefly brushing against mine. My heart nearly dropped to my knees just from contact, a potent shock only comparable to shooting up heroin.
My eyes glance from Mikey's hands up to the crooked smirk his lips crudely curled into, like this wasn't just an innocent touch- it served a purpose. A purpose I couldn't quite comprehend. Mikey rose a brow at me, laughing softly. "Are you gonna smoke it? Or just space out..?"
I jump slightly, clearing my throat to keep my cool. "Oh shit- Yeah sorry. I have a lot on my mind.." I took a soft drag, trying to focus on the nicotine instead of the absolute mess I was right now.
There was something about sharing a cigarette that made my heart tremor slightly, maybe it was the fact that my lips are being placed right where Mikey's were. Or maybe it's the fact that we're inhaling the same cancerous fumes; if we're lucky, maybe we'll both die of lung cancer together. That's probably the closest I'd ever get to him..
Mikey head turned glanced around the lit up festival in the distance and then back at me. "You're a bit early, do you wanna hang out in the van before we head out?" Mikey took the cigarette back from me, taking a final drag before putting it out against the bus wall next to him.
"We'll be alone, the guys are out to see other bands."
It was odd, watching Mikey's lips continue to curl up into a wider smug grin with those words. Like he had something he wanted with me. it was both validating and off putting in a way; I would die to be wanted by Mikey, but at the same time I feel like it's impossible for a guy like me to be worth anything to him. The sudden attention was unsettling.
—
My Chem's bus had a very, VERY distinct smell, even the most unobservant people would be trying to decode the absolute stench of that van.. and that's putting it lightly. The scent that filled up my nostrils the SECOND I walked through those doors was a funky concoction of cigarettes, sweat, and BO- oh and don't forget pot too.
As Mikey led me in, I could feel the sweat begin go seep out the pores of my skin. I've been in My Chem's bus countless times.. but I've never been alone with Mikey like this. I started to feel a stir in my stomach, like blooming flowers were about to shoot out of my throat.
We kept walking until we had stopped at the back lounge of the bus. Mikey leaned over to push luggage and dirty clothes out of the way before plopping down casually onto the gravy brown couch. He pointed to the sliding door that led to the bunks in the hallway. "Pete, could you get that? Open doors are my pet peeve, it's ticking me off." He chuckled softly.
I turn to face the sliding door behind me and nod. "Yeah, I gotcha." The pit in my stomach was undeniable at this point. I placed my hand on the handle and watched as the side of the door slid and met the frame, cutting off the view rest of the bus from us. I turn my head and mold my lips into a smirk. "God- do you guys ever clean this bus.." I grab a fistful of smelly clothes and toss them to the other side of the couch and sit next to Mikey.
"It used to be tidier, but I think after 4 years of having to share a bus with these guys, it's really beaten the clean freak outta me. This is the cleanest I think we can get it to stay." Mikey recited the same excuse he always does- not like I minded though, the familiarity was comforting. As Mikey rambled he was shuffling through a small stack of polaroid that was buried under junk.
Subtly, I bring my head closer to over his shoulder.
As Mikey flips through photos, he seemed to go in a familiar pattern. He glances and flips through the first 4 photos.. then skips the 5th photo and restarts in reverse. I purse my lips- should I ask or..
"What's that last photo..?" The words slip out of my lips before I really could think about it.
Mikey's head perked up at me and then groaned. "It's just a picture I took of Alicia.. I'm just pissed off at her right now." Mikey flipped to the 5th photo; It was just a simple picture of Alicia.. what possibly could've happened? They seemed perfect together.. to me at least.
"What happened..?" I mumbled and stared at the picture. It was a selfie of Mikey and Alicia; She was kissing his cheek and sitting and the exact same two spots in the bus as we were right now.
"She cheated on me.. that cunt." Mikey silent cursed to himself. Despite his still expression and demeanor, It was clear that he was practically seething and steaming out the ears.
"Oh.. I'm sorry that happened-" Mikey cuts me off
"No, it's fine.. it's just- it's whatever.." He exhaled softly and set the polaroids back down in defeat. "I'm really pissed about it, If you can't tell. She ditched me for some random warped tour dumbass- some random fucking guy- how could I mean so little to her that some random guy she runs into on Warped- she- I- Just- whatever."
I'm not a good comforter. I pick up one of my hands and gently placed it on Mikey's back and gently ran them up and down; It was rare that we had intentional contact, and I could feel my face heat up.. shit, Pete- Y'know.. warped tour, your more tan right now- Mikey won't see it- hopefully..
Mikey buried his face in his palms and grumbled. His eyes glanced up and into mine as he began to smile wickedly. "I want to give her that same pain back- To show her that she meant as little to me as I did to her." Mikey slowly reached up and took my hand from his back and into his hand gently.
His staring eyes were dark. They shined a deeper, richer brown than usual. A deep burnt umber that shined at me like a bright red stop sign. I felt unsettled.. yet my body was dragging me closer to him.
"How does revenge sound to you, Pete?"