Chapter Text
Once back at Poole Quay the groups parted company. The cruise to the Antarctic would start the following October be for 6 to 8 months. It would be the same team all being well, although Wendy might travel with her husband for the trip. The children were not so sure as they would be at university by then, but they were all for their mother going. The team said they would visit Camelot after Christmas and keep them abreast with progress. They deemed the trip a great success, exceeding their expectations. They thanked the crew and gave them a generous bonus. Added to the one from the owners they did very well. Percy as usual stayed behind to bring Freya and Elena back once they had finished packing the Yacht away. Hunith and Balinor had driven their own car down but said they would be at Camelot for Christmas.
It seemed Merlin wouldn’t get the chance to tell Arthur for himself. When they arrived home Lance was waiting and over coffee gave the men a brief update on the estate. He would meet with them in a couple of days for a proper catchup. As he went to leave, he smiled at Merlin “Mr Iseldir from Alder hay called. He said he had booked an MRI at Bristol for Friday so he has the results when he sees you next week. I have asked Mordred to arrange to cover and drive you” with that he walked out.
Arthur looked stunned “Why are you seeing Mr Iseldir so quickly I thought your next check-up was March”
Merlin squirmed “I was going to tell you but I wanted to wait until we got home. I have been having a bit of trouble with my hip”
“For how long?” Arthur’s voice was quiet and he was clearly upset.
“It started to be more painful after we left Baffin Island, I thought it was just a flare up and the prolonged cold. When it didn’t settle, I spoke to him on starlink and asked his advice. He upped my painkillers and we arranged an appointment”
“You have been suffering that long and didn’t tell me. Why didn’t I notice? Christ!” Arthur looked at Merlin in horror. “What sort of husband am I?”
“I didn’t want you to know, you would have cut the trip short and so many people had things riding on it” Merlin told him “You are the best husband ever. I never used to let my mum know things either and she never caught on” he admitted.
“You idiot we could have got Catha to continue the trip or bring us back. Or even got a plane back.” Arthur was now getting angry.
“I wasn’t going to ask that of you!” Merlin protested. “If I thought for one minute you would have let me come back alone I would have.”
Arthur slammed his hand down on the table “You had no right to keep that from me!”
Merlin looked at Arthur “No right? Am I your possession? I was doing what I thought best, I have lived with this for years I know what I am doing. My body may be crippled but it is still mine” his voice was shaky and he was clearly shocked at how angry Arthur was becoming.
Arthur looked at him and he couldn’t say more so he got up and walked out. Gwaine caught up with him a few minutes later. “Arthur are you OK?”
Arthur glared at him “Don’t I have any privacy, get lost”
“Don’t be the prat Merlin says you are. I heard you shout I don’t think anyone in the house didn’t”
“I wasn’t shouting” Arthur protested then it hit him he had been, he had shouted at Merlin when he was unwell. He paled “Oh god what have I done?”
Gwaine made him sit down “Reacted as most of us would have done. And yes, I did know but only for a couple of days and Merlin said he was going to tell you when he got home. That boy can clearly hide things well, but I guess its his nature to try to protect the people he loves.”
“Why, He knows I love him” Arthur said swallowing deeply
“Maybe that’s why, you are very protective and he knows it. He was protecting you just like you protect him. Now go back and say sorry and listen to him. Explain why it hurts you and maybe if there is a next time he will think twice. But to be honest I doubt it. We all know he has a self-sacrificing streak a mile wide.” Gwaine looked at his boss. “Isn’t that one of the reasons we all love him?”
“It is but that scares me” Arthur admitted. Arthur walked back into the room he left Merlin in and found him crying. It cut Arthur to the bone, he gathered Merlin in his arms “I am sorry my little falcon I have no right to shout at you”
Merlin sniffed “You did, I should have told you. But I have got used to hiding things. I had to protect mum and Freya and I guess it had become a habit. I hate that I hurt people, that my pain hurts others.”
Arthur kissed Merlin gently “You never need to hide things from me love, we will work through this together. I don’t want to take over, or tell you what to do, you’re right it is your body. But let me care for you like you would care for me.”
The men talked and mended as they did so. Merlin explained that he was frightened, it seemed when his injuries first happened, he had been repaired as best they could, later his surgeon had wanted to operate further but it would mean he would be in a wheelchair, able to transfer with the help of his good leg, but he would be almost pain free. Merlin hadn’t wanted to make that sacrifice as it meant an amputation above knee, just leaving enough to help his sitting balance. With his bad arm he wouldn’t be able to mobilise with crutches either. His surgeon had warned in time he would have no choice and the damage by then might be more severe making the surgery more difficult. He knew deep in his heart that he had reached that point. His pain control was no longer working and had been getting less effective over the past year. He was also getting pain further up this back. He hated being a patient and the thought of spending time in hospital as a patient was worrying him. Also he had worked hard to be able to practice as a doctor again albeit in a different way and now that to might be in jeopardy.
“Silly I know I was after all a hospital doctor” he told Arthur. “Iseldir thinks he will need to operate soon and I might be in hospital for a couple of months.”
Arthur realised his husband was going to need a lot of support to get through both his fears and treatment. “What if we get you nurses at home? You could come home earlier that way. Maybe Elena would be willing, she has to work as a nurse to keep her qualification.”
Merlin shrugged “I guess we could ask but the cost!”
Arthur laughed “Love you know what we have in the bank I could buy the bloody hospital!” he hugged Merlin “We will go together to see him and see what we can do, but no more hiding things from me”
Merlin looked at him “But will I be able to go with you on your travels? I would rather keep the pain than not go”
“Now whose being an idiot. The Ygraine is good for a wheelchair, Aithusa proved that. If I need to get anything altered I will. If we can’t I will have a new yacht built! Let’s get this done and get you better. I promise you no matter what I won’t travel without you” Arthur was already thinking what if anything needed doing. “We already have a hoist to get you in the submarine” he pointed out. “Maybe they can do something else, medicine and surgery are developing all the time”
“I don’t think so. Not in this case I have been reading up”
“Of course you have! Well let’s see what your surgeon says. Do you have full confidence in him? We can look elsewhere” Arthur told Merlin
“No one else is putting a scalpel near me!” Merlin protested. “I know what he managed last time. I saw the scans afterwards. He did a miracle getting me this far.”
Arthur looked at Merlin his face sad. “I wish you had shared this earlier; I can see how much the thought of losing your leg worries you. But you do realise it changes nothing when it comes to how I feel about you?”
Merlin looked guilty. “I was scared, you didn’t sign up for a husband with one leg. I guess I hoped I would be able to hold it off. It’s been ten years after all. I guess I was in denial. I love you so much” Merlin admitted.
“And I you! But please don’t hide thing from me, we need to face these things together"