Chapter Text
The summer before his fifth year went in a completely different direction than Harry was anticipating. The way the anger after Cedric's death seemed to only have doubled with every passing minute and the fact that he had to deal with a trial where Dumbledore didn't even spare him a glace? Yeah, he was almost completely confident in the fact that something in him had shifted. It was only when he laid down in his bed on the first night in Grimmauld Place where it hit him.
He hated everyone. Every single person who he was supposed to care about, except for Sirius and Remus and that was mainly because it seemed that they understood him in a way no one else did. He felt insane anger and irritation at every single thing anyone did. The twins coming up with a prank? He wanted to hear absolutely zilch about it. Molly pestering him and treating him like one of her own? He wanted to shove her off and break a plate. Ron and Hermione talking about their summer? He wanted to push them against the wall and scream his head off about how unfair it was that he was forced to weed the Dursleys garden that left scrapes and cuts all over his arms and legs instead of cleaning dark artifacts with his real family. Fortunately (or unfortunately, depending on how you looked at it), he had been raised by relatives who beat him into silence if he as much as he dared to voice an opinion. Which meant that he kept his cool all day. Only when he was left alone for the night did he let the anger fully wash over him and he screamed into his pillow. He wanted to blast something. He wanted to break several things that reached his line of light. For a brief moment he even got angry at his parents for leaving him alone to suffer. That was when he sobered, because getting mad at his deceased parents for doing everything in their power to keep him alive, costing them their lives, was not how he wanted to spend his evening. He choked out a sob and then furiously wiped at his face.
“Dont fucking cry. It's not gonna get you anywhere.” He realized rather quickly that he was a huge hypocrite because he knew getting angry had the same, useless, effect. He sat in silence for a moment, just trying to keep his minor headache and emotions in check. Then the door quietly creaked open and a shaggy black dog tentatively stepped inside. Padfoot sat down by the door, clearly waiting for instructions; either for Harry to tell him to sod off, or invite him in. The teen felt tears prickle and he opened his arms. “Padfoot!” His voice cracked and he braced for impact as the dog immediately followed his orders and jumped into the bed, cuddling closely. They sat there for another minute until Harry spoke.
“I love you, Padfoot, but I think I need Sirius right now.” The dog took a step back and was replaced by a man with a clean beard and long, messy yet clean hair. He gently sat up and crossed his legs in front of his godson and waited patiently. “What's wrong with me?” Sirius frowned so Harry elaborated. “I just can't seem to be able to handle being anywhere near anyone right now. Every little thing someone says or does drives me up the wall, with a very few exceptions.” Sirius gave him a sympathetic look and sighed. Something seemed to flashed in the older wizard's eyes but it was gone as quickly as it came. “I just can't handle this anymore.” Sirius wraps his arms around Harry.
“Look, pup…you are not the typical teenage boy, no matter how desperately you want to be. That's gotta take a huge toll on you. I can't even imagine the pressure you're under. Eventually all of that pent up emotion was gonna seep through. I don't blame you for being angry, especially considering the summer you've had so far.” Harry took a deep breath and closed his eyes, leaning against his pillows. Sirius could tell something else was on the teenagers mind, so he gently poked his arm. Harry sighed again, opening his eyes again.
“It's not just that, tough. This anger…it's been the only constant presence in my life ever since I was eleven. I think even longer than that…but when I figured out just how much was being kept from me by them…oh my Morgana, I almost crashed out, right then and there.” There was a flash of something in the marauders eyes again, this time lingering a little longer. “What?” That shook Sirius out of his trance and he quickly dismissed it.
“No, nothing…i just..Harry, have you been tested?” Sirius asked very softly, as if he was afraid he'd break Harry if he asked it wrong. Said boy just blinked at him, a little confused.
“Tested? What do you mean?”
“Magically.” the man answered, as if that cleared things up (it didn't). Harry just stared at him blankly. Sirius' eyes narrowed. “Magically.” He repeated, slowly. “To see which magic you are wired to.” Harry blinked, confusion growing.
“I..i'll be honest Pads, i don't know what youre talking about…” Harry said, adapting to the same tone he used when he was risking getting Vernons screaming in his ear. Sirius was clearly very bothered by Harrys answer, but when he noticed how tense Harry had gotten he cooled his body and expression.
“Nothing you need to worry about.” he said softly, and Harry relaxed. He wasn't sure if he had done something wrong or not, despite his confusion. “Try and get some sleep, pronglet. We'll talk more tomorrow, when we both have got some rest, okay?” Harry had this strange feeling that Sirius had to be somewhere all of a sudden. He simply nodded and wished the older man a good night.
The next morning, while he was getting dressed, Harry realized abruptly that all the anger from the day before was back in full swing. Ironically enough, he got angry at that too; that he had to deal with it still. He glared at his own reflection, angry at himself for feeling the way he did. While walking down for breakfast, Harry tried his best to keep his poker face firmly on. By the time the rest of the house had settled themselves around the table, Harry's anger was a steady tingle under his skin.
“So, boys and girls,” Mr Weasely said, starting conversation. “We should go and buy your books for school soon, don't you think? What about…”
“In two days.” Sirius said, interrupting. His tone was firm, clearly not to be argued with. Everyone turned to him, startled. All Sirius did though was meet Remus' eyes from across the room and the wolf seemed to understand immediately. He nodded in agreement.
“Two days.” And so it was settled. Molly tried to question the two men on why but quickly gave up as they did not answer no matter what reason she gave for wanting to know. That whole deal seemed to have been forgotten rather quickly though, as the kids settled into the living room after their breakfast was finished. Fred and George started talking about all the different pranks they were gonna pull and the tingle of anger started to leave itches in the back of his neck. That seemed to double it and Harry abruptly pushed his chair back and practically ran back up the stairs. He ignored his friends' shouts after him and continued to head for..what? He was heading the complete opposite direction then his bedroom and he abruptly realized that he had stopped outside a door he had never seen before. His anger seemed to have almost completely dissipated in his confusion. He looked around to see if anyone was there with him, only to realize this was a completely deserted corridor. No one seemed to have been here in years, which Harry found so odd as he was told by Ron and Hermione that they, along with everyone else in the house, had spent the first few days completely deep cleaning the place. Which meant that they should have cleaned this place too, yet it was completely deserted, dusty and the air was stiff. He checked again, if anyone was nearby. When it was clear we was alone, he stepped closer to the door and attempted to open it. It swung open as easily as the wind, so much so that he stumbled back a few steps.
The room was dark when he first peered inside it but the moment he took a step the torches that were perched on the walls flared to life, casting a warm yet eerie feel across the space. Harry took another tentative step forward and the door shut behind him with a snap. Harry gulped, startled at best and terrified at worst. However the fear was gone as quickly as it came when he actually got a look inside it. It was a library. A library filled with walls of books. There were cozy cushions on each side of the room and it had a drawer of quills and parchment that stood pulled open. He blinked a bit stupidly and tried to wrap his mind around it. A dark library, Harry realized and looked around the room in amazement. Has no one really been in this corner of the house before? Even more so, how come Hermione had not mentioned it? Sure the books were dark books, but Harry was confident that she would have at least said something about it. He looked around once more and abruptly came to a halt in front of a row of books. There were no titles on the spines of the books, so he didn't know what he was pulling off the shelf but when he flipped it to face him, the title seemed to leap out at him.
The study of Dark Healing and Curse Scars.
Harry hissed in a breath and his free hand traced the scar across his face, almost on instinct. No one seemed to ever bother explaining what it meant to have a curse scar, so he eagerly flipped the book open, throwing himself onto one of the cushions on his left and flipping through the pages. Instead of landing on a curse scar page, however, he ended up on a page titled; “The different types of ways to notice dark healers.” He didn't know what made him keep reading, but he did.
“Dark (and Light, by extension) healers are way more efficient than neutral healers. They are way more willing to take risks, as they have the means to get things back in order if a mistake were to be made. They are the only healers who can heal curse scars, get people that were affected by dark curses (read: Crucio) back into good health and get medicine that others are unwilling to risk using.
How to notice dark healers :
- They are poisons masters who specialize in antidotes
- They know about curse scars more than others
- They know how to help a young perperam posita wizard/witch better than others
- If they are a legally declared Dark Healer, they'll have the Rod of Asclepius on their upper arm
Please remember, if you see a person with that symbol, you have every right to ask them for help. However, the dark magic will not let you speak of their status, unless they give you written or verbal permission to do so! If you try it will harm you.”
Harry didn't know what “perperam posita” or “the Rod of Asclepius” meant, though he vaguely remembered hearing something about the latter at some point. He found the text very interesting and he was also somewhat surprised how neutral it was. In the sense that it didn't bash Light or Neutral magic, more so then just informed the reader of the differences. Though some might argue that the first sentence might be bashing, Harry had definitely expected worse with how people usually talked about Dark magic. He knew that logically, this is where he should have left to get a trusted adult and tell them what he found but something held him back. He didn't want anyone to tell him not to go back.
The teen spent the next few hours there, reading any book that caught his eye. He read books like “The difference in dark and neutral poisons”, “Minor Dark spells” and “Dark vs Black Magic.” The more he read, the more interested and invested he got. He knew that should be worried because this was in fact still Dark Arts, but that didn't stop him. He didn't know how to explain it but this was the most calm he had been all summer. After being in there for at least four hours, the teen realized abruptly he was starving. He debated going downstairs for food, but a part of him really didn't want to face the people outside that door just yet. Mainly because, how is gonna explain to them where he had been the last few hours?
Then he came up with an idea that he couldn't tell if it was a good or the dumbest idea. Better yet, he didn't even know if it was gonna work.
“Kreacher!” he called, half not expecting an answer. The familiar pop was almost immediate.
“Master called?” His tone was far more respectful then it had been before and that startled Harry for a moment before he composed himself.
“Can you bring me tea and some snacks? I don't think I will be leaving this library just yet. And also..dont tell anyone I'm here, okay?” Kreatcher nodded and popped out. Harry was surprised but he quickly settled himself into the cushion and put “Dark creatures and their use” aside.
Kreatcher popped up again with tea, biscuits and sandwiches. The house elf placed them on the surface of the small drawer and popped out with a bow. Harry ate his miniature dinner - he supposed - and thought about all the new things he's learnt in his reading. He knew that there was a likelihood that most of the material in here was biased, and in some works it was quite obvious. However, there were plenty that made Dark magic simply seem like a different branch of magic, not an evil or bad one. He learned that Light magic drew its magic from the sun and Dark from the Moon. Harry was vaguely aware about how little he truthfully seemed to know about the wizarding world.
Once he was done he placed his dishes on top of each other and then he looked at the drawer. He opened it to find a photo. Harry knew immediately that this was something to do with the Black family. He wasn't sure if he was breaking some form of privacy by taking the picture to look at it, but he was almost 70% sure he was. That didn't stop him from looking though.
The picture consisted of five people. Two boys, three girls. Harry was quick to make out Sirius - a much younger Sirius - in it. He must have been around Harry's age in the picture if not younger. He had his arm around the other boy who was leaning against him with a small smile while Sirius's own one seemed to be the brightest in the whole world. Harry could guess who the boy was. Regulus Black. Sirius' little brother. Harry had seen the look on his godfather's face when he talked about his brother. Behind the two brothers, were three girls that Harry assumed were also siblings. With a startled gasp the teen realized that the woman in the far left was Bellatrix Lestrade. Black. She must have still been a Black in this picture. She still had that wild hair, bushing all over the place. She was smirking, leaning against the sister in the middle. Harry didn't recognize her, but he could guess she was one of the Black sisters. She had that sharp jawline and gray eyes. The woman on the far right however, he had also no idea who she was but there was something about her he recognized. He didn't know what at first, so he decided to try his luck again.
“Kreatcher!” pop. “Who is this woman?” he pointed at the teenage girl.
“That is Lady Malfoy, Master.” The world seemed to come to a screeching halt and he looked back down at the waving girl.
“What?”
“Lady Narcissa Malfoy, sir. She is a daughter of the House of Black. Once she married her last name was legally changed.” Harry just stared at the picture for a moment before he realized the elf was waiting for his next order. Harry dismissed him and sat back down into the soft cushion.
What else did he not know about? How many family lines did people keep from him? What else did he not know about Malfoy? He didn’t know why this fact started him as much as it did, but it did. It was hard for him to picture the idea of Draco’s mother and his godfather knowing each other as kids.
Eventually, when his brain had calmed down enough, he decided that he needed to look into the Black Family more. Should he ask Sirius? He’d much rather get information directly from a source…but he could ask Malfoy too… what? No! He quickly dismissed the thought.
He looked around in the room and decided that it was time to get some different air and come back tomorrow, when his mind was clearer.
When he got up to leave the library, he hesitated. He looked down at the picture in his hands and in a split second decision, folded it and tucked it into his back pocket. He didn’t know why, but he immediately felt better knowing it was in his pocket. Once he stepped out into the dusty hallway again, he was startled to hear voices rather loudly screaming at each other from the kitchen downstairs. He realized abruptly that the library was sound proof. He figured that should have been obvious, judging by how private that part of the house seemed to be.
“And if something happened to him?! What will you do then? Pretend like he’s just a foot away?!” That was Mrs Weasley and Harry wasn’t too surprised to hear his godfathers voice in reply, though he didn’t know what the argument was about. However, with a hiss of pain he realized his anger was back in full swing and he took a deep breath (that didn’t really help). He walked down ten stairs and when Mrs Weasley saw him she broke into a sprint running towards him.
“Oh Harry! Are you okay?!” She said pulling him into a hug and Harry felt his anger and annoyance boil up again. He grimaced. He seemed to be in a little more control this time around, but his emotions were still strong enough to be bothersome. He pushed off and looked at Sirius, who just looked at him sympathetically.
“What’s going on?”
“Where have you been, Harry?” Sirius asked calmly. He didn’t sound mad or accusatory. Harry blinked and realized that he had been in the library for hours without telling anyone. He blushed a little in embarrassment.
“Um….” He didn’t know what to say. He didn’t know if he should tell the adults where he had been, simply because of what he had been spent studying in there. He didn’t think either of them would be too fond of the idea. He was about to lie when Sirius met his eye and smiled warmly. He didn’t know what made him tell the truth, but he did.
“Library.”
Mrs Weasley blinked in surprise and turned to Sirius, who in return crossed his arms, glaring at her.
“Well?”
“We spent all summer cleaning this place and none of us ever found a library!” She argued.
“There’s a reason for that.” Sirius almost hissed and it was clear from his tone that the topic was to be dropped. Mrs Weasley didn’t seem to care though, as she plowed on.
“But we need to clean it then! In case there are dark books in there!” Harry almost laughed. What else did she think was in there? School books?
“It’s not something you need to concern yourself with, Molly. Harry, come with me.”
The two of them quickly headed for Harry’s bedroom. Once the door was closed, Harry was preparing for some sort of lecture. Instead, he was met with a small smile.
“Well?” The older man prompted. “Did you have fun?” He smiled that cheeky smile that told Harry that we was teasing. He laughed.
“Yeah, considering the fact that I was in there long enough to cause a fight I think that’s fitting.”
Sirius laughed and ruffled Harry’s hair. Thank you lords was all Harry could think about. Losing Sirius over this would have been the worst possible outcome ever.