Make you Mine

by sempiternalsparkles

Summary:

You're caught in the whirlwind of forbidden romance and now you must grapple with your commitment to your new boyfriend, Leon. As your relationship with him stagnates under the weight of work duties, you are drawn to Chris, a charming and confident man, whose effortless charm and intense understanding spark a connection you didn’t see coming. You face a heart-wrenching dilemma: do you stay and be honest to Leon, a genuinely loving partner, while navigating this thrilling but dangerous secret with Chris?

Notes:

Obviously we're aware you shouldn't cheat on your partner. Reader is female and younger than both Chris and Leon. (Think after Resident Evil 5). If this gets enough interest, I'll post more chapters. Please enjoy!

Chapter 1: It Takes Two to Tango

Chris pulled her down a darkened hallway of the dive bar she had been at with him.

How she managed to get into a situation like this was beyond her. But alcohol was the biggest factor and the fact that she hadn’t seen her boyfriend in five months. Field work was a big damper on the physical side of a relationship.

She had worked late at the office where they had first met. Leon was sweet, stopping by to always have a chat or go for lunch. Eventually, they had started dating steady. Leon always briefed her on missions, he wasn’t always going to be available. He had to drop everything one Saturday night, leaving mid-date night while profusely apologizing.

“It’s last minute and an emergency, I need to leave now. The DSO is on its way.” He said, lightly kissing her pouted lips.

Dinner was already set, she was ready for a quiet night in but there he was, tying his shoes and grabbing his coat. She leaned against the hallway wall, trying not to look too saddened. Leon glanced at her one more time before leaving.

“I don’t know when I’ll be back, but I’ll try my best to stay in touch.”

That was five months ago, and it made her wonder what was happening between him and her was normal. She spent plenty of nights now at home, alone. Rarely going on the weekends and keeping herself distance from a lot of people. (Y/N) tried to call him on and off, even emailed after stopping her calls. No answer, no word, not even one peep from anyone at work. It was hard. More than anything, it was lonely.  

She spoke to many friends working alongside her that dated colleagues doing field work.

“It’s not glamourous being the girlfriend of an Agent, you never know when you can relax and be a normal couple.”

She tried hard to not let it bother her too much, keeping herself occupied with work.

“Hey! (Y/N)! Let’s go to Jack’s, we’re allowed to finish early tonight!” Her cubicle neighbour Louis exclaimed, his tie already loosened a bit.

She hesitated, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear. A night out might be a good distraction but then again, sweatpants sounded better. Her younger co-worker Julia grasping at her arm and pulling her.

“Just come! Please! You never come out with us anymore!”

“Ok! Ok!” (Y/N) sighed, grabbing her purse on the way out. "I'll come for one drink!"

-0-

Jack’s Bar was always kind of a dive, but most of the agents and other workers of DSO and BSAA came here. It was the one time that everyone could mingle with people that most only knew via emails or calls.

She noticed the hulking figure at the bar, sitting alone while everyone around him seemed to be celebrating. He glanced at her once when she walked back, she stuck out in a place like this.

“Oh, I heard BSAA finished a mostly successful mission in Europe,” Julia whispered, walking to a small table in the corner.

The evening was pretty uneventful, (Y/N) spending most of the time listening to her two co-workers complain about the workload or certain managers. She chose to drink and try to listen. It was better than delving into her personal problems like her relationship.

“How is Leon by the way? He’s still on a mission, right?” Julia asked, clearly feeling the drink she was having.

(Y/N) smiled sheepishly, she didn’t know how to really answer the question.

“He’s been ok, just busy.”

Julia and Louis grimaced a bit, exchanging an almost pitiful glace at her before going back into their own gossip.

Eventually, Louis ditched early to meet up with a girl he was seeing. Julia had wandered over to a young agent in BSAA, leaving (Y/N) to sit alone at the small table.

She had decided to try and quickly finish her vodka soda before slipping out. Julia was already talking about heading to another bar and (Y/N) was just ready to go home. She checked her phone briefly, still no word from Leon.

“Are you (Y/N)?” a rough voice asked.

She glanced up, instantly blushing at the figure standing near the small table booth. It was none other than Chris Redfield, she had met him briefly before.

“Yes! Hello!” She chirped, a little too giddy. Almost ready to stand up to re-introduce herself properly.

Chris waved his hand gently, gesturing to the empty seat next to her. She nods, watching him place his beer down near to her drink and sitting. It had been a while since she had met Chris, only briefly a few times in passing when leaving the office with Leon.

The couple were walking hand in hand together leaving the office, when Chris was headed toward them down the hallway. It was the first time he ever saw her.

“Oh hey Chris,” Leon said, letting go of her hand to shake Chris’.
“Leon, how have you been?” Chris smiled, his eyes glancing to the small figure beside him.
“Good, good! This is (Y/N)”
“Hi,” she softly says, seemingly too shy to say much else. "Nice to meet you."
His hand was big when it grasped hers in a gentle shake, Chris’ eyes doing their best to not wander too much. She was very pretty, with an angel face and a body to match. Leon clearly had good taste.

That was some time ago, and it was the only time she had really exchanged any words with the BSAA Captain. Chris began to wonder why she was even in a place like this.

“How’s it going?” he asks, his voice gentler now.

She sips her drink once, and smiles almost sadly.

“You know, the usual workdays and all that.” She glances around the room of drunk happy people. “I don’t think I really need to get into the details.”

Chris almost chuckles and understood completely by that one sentence. He clears his throat, watching her play with the straw in her glass.

“He’ll be home soon, or at the very least contact you when he can.”

She only nods, her free hand coming under her chin to rest her elbow on the table, letting out the quietest sigh.

“Of course,” she says, feeling almost awkward now.

They drink in silence for a bit, basically people watching and listening to the music playing out of the old jukebox in the corner. Chris was almost beating himself up mentally for not trying to approach her with a better attitude. He was dragged here by his younger officers to let off some steam, he just wanted to head home.

“You know, I didn’t even want to come here,” he says, rubbing the condensation on his glass with his thumb.
“My coworkers begged me to come!” she says, almost with a laugh.

Tension broken, the weird awkwardness gone by the shared confession of both of them not really wanting to be here.

“You just wanted to go home too?”
“I did, I was really ready to just crawl into bed with a bottle of wine but here I am,” she says in a sing song way.
“Well cheers to that idea,” he says, smiling.

Chris raises his glass, and she raises hers to clink it against his. In that brief second, it opened a flood gate she could never imagine.

The conversation went on into the night, Chris telling her how he started as member of S.T.A.R.S. and how his career progressed from there. Eventually, becoming one of the founding members of the BSAA.
She listened intently, amazed at the decades of commitment to just wanting to keep the world safe. Plus, he wasn’t all that bad to look at, frankly that black turtleneck he wore showed off how big those biceps were. She smiled softly at the thought of wondering what he looked like with his shirt off, but she could easily already see that hard six pack beneath the fabric of his shirt.

Chris decided to go back to the bar to order another beer, asking if she wanted another drink.

For a moment, she danced on the idea of ditching again but decided to stick around to talk more to Chris. It had been a long time since she had some meaningful conversation with an interesting person, work basically became her whole life since Leon left.

“I’m buying,” he says, the smell of his cologne is almost too inviting when he slides out of the booth. "Whatever you want."
“Why the hell not?” she says, her head tilting just a bit to smile back at him. “Vodka soda please.”

Chris walked over to the bar, trying not to be too excited when ordering both drinks. He was enjoying himself more than he thought he would tonight, all because she decided to stay with him. She sits at the small table, feeling some curious eyes on her when Chris comes back with both drinks. (Y/N) was very aware of people knowing she was Leon’s girlfriend, many a jealous girl in the office making snide remarks and comments about it.

(Y/N) sees the slight points and whispers when Chris sits back in the booth with her, the BSAA member seemingly unaware of it. She briefly wondered what kind of water cooler conversations she was creating by just being seen with someone who wasn’t Leon.

Did it look like something else to them?

Chris was famous if not the most famous Captain in all the BSAA. He personally selected officers that were suitable for training and made frequent trips to the DSO office. Girls would flock to pass the meeting room just to get a glimpse at him, but Chris never seemed that interested. But in this bar, they both had everyone’s full attention.

“Do you notice the people staring?” She said, taking a bigger sip of her drink but trying to be nonchalant.

Chris wrinkles his nose, looking around the bar and watching the stares quickly turn away when his eyes narrow. The people here knew better than to comment on what Chris did or didn’t do, half these people were employed solely because of him.

“They aren’t anymore.” He says with confidence and a slight eyebrow wiggle, making her laugh out loud.

She relaxes a bit, going into her story about how she started at the DSO. Majoring in Biomedical Sciences, (Y/N) did a student science program during the summer that basically turned into a full-time position doing lab work. But as she progressed more and more into the career, more and more things changed.

“Mostly now I just read over studies and do editing for them.” Her eyes almost seeming a little sad. “I do miss the lab, but I don’t miss being on my feet all day.”

(Y/N)’s slightly perfumed hair was released from the claw clip, fingers ruffling out her hair to have it sit more flattering. She adjusts the collar of her blouse; the way it opens just enough for Chris to get a glimpse of her skin underneath. Chris tries not to stare at her for too long, his tongue pressed against the inside of his cheek to keep himself busy.

“I do enjoy my job though,” she says, putting her hair clip into her purse. “Even if it isn’t something I’d thought I’d do.”

The bar was getting emptier, but their conversation was getting deeper. The time seemed to just slip by, and she could honestly say she was having fun. Chris learned more about her work and her family, even how she met Leon.

“It was kind of an accident, I ended up filing some reports late and was running to catch my boss before they left,” she says, smiling down at her glass “I ended up running right into Leon and dropping all my stuff.”

Chris nodded, it was a cute story. He, on the other hand, hadn’t been in a relationship in over 10 years. Not that he didn’t want one, but he just never had the time to invest in one that would be long-term. One-night stands were more what he played into and that mostly worked for him but not much for the girl hoping for more. He felt a bit of envy, to have something like that.

“No girlfriend I assume?” She asked, watching Chris almost grimace before taking a drink.

She looks really good to Chris right now, the light from the bar reflecting so softly in her eyes and dancing on her dark hair. Her lips pout gently while waiting for his response, the thought of her mouth somewhere else creeped into his mind, but it was quickly pushed out when she leans in a little more.

“Not for some time actually,” he says before clearing his throat.
“No casual dating I guess when you’re as busy and important as you are.”
“I don’t know about being important but busy, sure.” A cheeky smile pulling at the corner of his mouth.
“Do you miss being not so busy then?”

Her question hits Chris differently, he never gave it much thought and he always just told people he was married to his work anyway. Sure, he liked that idea of having a girlfriend and all that came with it, but he knew his lifestyle wasn’t necessarily fair to his loved ones.

“I miss a lot of things but it’s not something you can linger on when you’re doing this work,” he catches her eyes, seeing the faintest blush appearing across her face. “You can’t tell me you enjoy being the girlfriend of a DSO agent all the time.”

Chris was blunt, making her wince slightly with a small nod. It was true, she didn’t enjoy all the parts of being Leon’s girlfriend. It was fun when it was fun, and he was probably the nicest boyfriend she ever had. She had lucked out.

But if her romantic relationship was going to be like this, why does the sex have to be like that too. When Leon came home, it was good. It would be long nights of lovemaking and cuddles, which she did enjoy but not all the time.

He wasn’t always around to spice it up and when she did mention things, Leon didn’t take it very seriously. The thought of her last time together with Leon came to mind.

“You want me to what?” Leon said, when he saw the handcuffs on their shared bed.
“Just for fun.” She whispered, giving him a small peck on his lips.
Leon kissed her back gently, dumping the cuffs onto the floor.
“Next time…”

She leans back against the seat and crossed her arms, really thinking about what Chris had said.

“I don’t like some of it, there are things I’d like to change but there is only so much I can do.”

“Like what?” he asks, making her heart kind of skip a beat. “I don’t mean to pry but I’m curious.”

There were things about her sex life that were more vanilla than she would like. Leon was a gentle lover which was ok the first couple of times. Perhaps, maybe Leon being gone for five months had her developing a darker craving from him.  (Y/N) debated for a minute if she could be that honest without making it sound like she was bad mouthing her boyfriend, especially since their relationship was still new.

“Sometimes things are just um…” She danced on finding the right safe for work word. “Gentle.”

She reaches out her dainty hand to grasp her glass, taking a bigger drink, hoping that it would give her the confidence to sit through this possibly awkward conversation. Chris’ eyebrows lift and he kind of laughs, making (Y/N) give a nervous giggle.

“I don’t think I need to give any more hints.” She says, watching more and more people leave.

It was getting quieter in here, and the drinks were kicking in for sure now. Chris decided to give her a bit of a razzing, seeing how far he could push her. She was already blushing and avoiding eye contact.

“I’d like some details if you’re not too shy.”

She nearly chokes on her drink, shocked at the idea of describing what she wanted to someone who wasn’t her boyfriend. (Y/N) felt speechless, bouncing her one leg beneath the table in hopes to shake out the anxiety.

“I don’t know if you’d really want to know that.” She whispered, hoping no one was listening to their conversation.

Chris’ head dipped down to try and catch her eyes. His voice dripping in pure confidence.

“Try me.”

He knew she was Leon’s, but it was taking all his inner strength to not bend her across this table and make her his. He watches her swallow the lump in her throat, seeing her become a tad more flustered. Chris was tiptoeing on a very thin line, maybe he was being too forward. (Y/N) glances around the bar first and then leans down to whisper very quietly, almost so quiet that it was barely audible.

The alcohol was prompting her to be a bit bolder, she played it to the thought of “I probably won’t ever be alone with this man again, it doesn’t matter! What’s he going to do about it?”

“I feel like he’s almost too worried to be rough with me.” She bites her lips just a bit, telling Chris this while fiddling with the straw in her drink again “Just once I want to feel what that’s like.”

That’s it, that line is enough for Chris to want to ask her to get up and leave with him. He takes a moment to assess the situation but decides to just make his move. Boyfriend or no boyfriend.

His warm hand snakes under the table to brush against her leg gently, slowly making its way up her thigh while holding his gaze on hers. She’s blushing hard, her shaking hand coming down from her straw to rest on top of his. Hesitation is across her face as her big eyes search his, but Chris can tell when a girl likes what he’s doing.

Something about his dark eyes says something to her, like the reciprocated thoughts of her being someone else’s didn’t really bother him. Forbidden fruit has been said to taste the sweetest, and it would taste even better if it was Chris feeding it to her. The conversation this evening went from innocent to blatantly inappropriate. The explicit idea of riding Chris right now in this bar makes her hand grip his just a bit tighter.

Chris leans in as close as he can, making sure to be as discreet as possible. His other arm drapes around her shoulders to hide his lips basically touching the shell of her ear. (Y/N) feels his warm breath against her skin, giving her a deep shiver down her spine.

“You want it rough?” he whispers, the nerve of Chris to point out the obvious. Giving her thigh one squeeze. “Is that what you’re saying to me?”

The idea of Chris being the one to be rough with her makes her sweat, imagining what those big hands would feel like around her throat. Or thinking about what great leg rests his broad shoulders are. The kinds of things she wanted but never had the courage to ask for.

Again, her relationship with Leon was being picked apart by her own selfishness.

“Why always be the good girl?” she thought to herself, trying to push the thought out of her mind as fast as it came. “Why not be selfish for once?”

She quickly murmurs something about needing to use the bathroom. She’s so quick about it, making Chris almost want to follow her but doesn’t want it to be too over the top. There were still subordinates in this place, people both him and Leon knew. Chris glances around the bar again to see if anyone he knew was around still, the stumbling groups of people not paying him any mind. To him, the coast was clear. Every person Chris and Leon knew seemed to have disappeared.

The bar lights are dimmed just a bit, slower music playing to signify that the place would be closing soon. If he was going to make a move, he had to be quick. Chris makes his way over to the bathrooms, leaning against the wall and peeking around the corner in hopes to catch her on her way out.

Meanwhile in the bathroom, (Y/N) splashes a bit of water on her face. She felt so hot, and guilty at the confession she had just made to Chris. Leon could be out there right now risking his life to come back home but here she was talking about her sex life with someone she didn’t know that well. Chris didn’t realize how badly he turned her on with just a few words, the attraction between them so obvious now.

(Y/N) does her best to regain composure, she was clearly just pent up. The aching need to go home and make a date with her vibrator sounded like the right plan. Anything to stop the thoughts of Chris on top of her. Maybe that would be enough to stop the butterflies in her stomach.

“I should go, before I make an even bigger fool of myself tonight.” She thought, taking one look at herself in the mirror before slipping out. It was hard to even look at herself with the kind of guilt she was feeling.

She peeks her head out of the bathroom. Easily seeing the table from where she stood, empty. (Y/N) tries to walk as carefully as she can down the hallway, almost missing Chris in the process. But he’s so much faster, almost pouncing on her when she comes out. Maybe he knew she was trying to duck out without saying anything.

Chris pulled her back down to the darkened hallway of the dive bar, past the washrooms to a backdoor. His fingers easily interlocking with hers as they walk, her hands wouldn’t stop trembling. He pulls (Y/N) to put her back against the wall, his free hand coming up to press against the wall near her head. Effectively trapping her from any means of escape.

“You’re really going to sneak out of here without saying anything to me?” he whispers with a slight teasing tone, his thumb stroking hers gently as he brings her hand up to his mouth. "That's not like you."
“I… No, I was just-“she mumbles, trying not to look at him as his eyes stay locked on her face.

It was difficult trying to connect the words she wanted to say in a comprehensible sentence. Especially when his lips kiss her hand gently, feeling the gentlest nips of his teeth against her knuckles. Before she can even think about trying to pull her hand away, Chris pulls her into him.

“Come with me,” He whispers, opening the back door and leading her outside into the rain. “Let’s talk.”

The alley behind the bar is dark and cramped, but she silently follows him down to the end of it to a black SUV. She glances down to look at her hand in his, swallowing the nervousness at how good her hand felt in his. Was this really happening? Was she really going to do this?

He unlocks and opens the backdoor of the SUV, motioning for her to get in. (Y/N) shoots him a quick glance before looking behind her, where he was parked was secluded. A few people were leaving the bar, not paying the two of them any mind. She bites the inside of her cheek as she thinks over the situation, feeling his hand on the small of her back.

This decision could change her life in a lot of ways, mostly bad if she really sat back to think about it.

She’s on autopilot, climbing into the rather spacious backseat of his car. Loneliness and alcohol clouded her judgment, she’s playing a dangerous game now. He follows, closing the heavy door and sitting next to her. The night was turning into something she didn’t even think would ever happen, the rolling thunder coming in as it begins to rain more. The car’s tinted back windows are steadily decorated with bigger and bigger raindrops.

“If you want me to drive you home, I can…” he whispers, watching her turn to face him “Or do you want to... do something else?”

(Y/N) was pretty sure she knew what “something else” meant, making the butterflies in her stomach flutter faster.

Chris’ hand comes to rest on her nylon covered knee, moving up slowly to rest on her thigh. Just like at the table, but now he could be blatantly obvious about what he wanted to talk about. Her breathing is picking up as the rain comes down harder. (Y/N)’s guilt about Leon is melting more and more as Chris closes the gap between them. Temptation is radiating off him to her, just a little taste is what she wants.

“What do you want?” he asks softly, his hand coming under her chin with his thumb stroking her trembling bottom lip. “I won’t judge you either way.”

God he smells so good, and thinking about kissing him is almost too much. Feeling her breath against his lips made his heartbeat speed up significantly, he just wanted to kiss and taste her.  As they get closer and closer, (Y/N) closes her eyes the moment his lips touch hers. She knew that it was wrong, but it felt so, so right.

Their first kiss is hungry, all tongue and teeth. It’s a bit sloppy, smearing her lipstick just a bit. She feels her insides beginning to throb with desire when Chris’ big hands wander over her body, she just needed a release. He easily pulls her into his lap, letting her straddle his hips. He’s hoping she won’t back down; he didn’t care she belonged to someone else. Right now, she was here with him, and Chris was more than willing to worship every part of her body. Deeper kisses start, her tongue playing with his.

Chris couldn’t help but feel some pity for Leon as he felt up (Y/N), wondering how the DSO agent could even think of letting other men even be around her let alone looking at her like Chris was. He knew how BSAA and DSO guys talked about girls in the office, the kinds of things they said about each other’s girlfriends. But Leon never did any of that, never even mentioned her. Maybe because he didn’t want anyone else thinking of her that way.

But now Chris had her breasts in his hands and his lips on the side of her neck. She lets out the softest sigh, she doesn’t know what she’s doing to Chris right now.

“Are you sure about it?” He whispers in between kisses, feeling the crotch of his pants tightening. “You want me to fuck you right here?”

She felt a hot flush cross her face, getting railed in the backseat of the famous BSAA agent Chris Redfield’s car was sounding like the best idea she had ever heard. To be one of those girls she read about in magazines, just one night of mindless fucking. It had been so long since she had any kind of physical touch, that the fantasies weren’t enough anymore. His belt is quickly undone, her blouse discarded, his busy hands tearing her nylons just enough.

Thankful she decided to wear her black matching bra and panties, for no other reason than to feel a little sexy underneath her work clothes. Who knew someone other than her was going to see them?

Chris groans when he feels her hand moving across the crotch of his pants, making quick work to get them undone. Chris smiles devilishly, seeing her like this was something he had been thinking about on and off all night. The lacy black bra, skirt riding up, her nylons ripped just enough for Chris to get to the good spot between her legs.

“Tell me you want it.” he says, stroking his cock gently.

Her eyes wander down in between them, her mouth dropping open at how big he was. I mean, the rumours around the office had been told about Chris but now you could easily see it was true.
“What’s the magic word, (Y/N)?” he asks, seeing her breathe out gently. “You gotta tell me.”

It was like she was struggling to say it loud enough for him to hear her, but the word falls out of her perfect mouth with just the right amount of desperation.
“Please,” She’s basically begging now, feeling herself getting wetter at the idea of him inside her. "Please fuck me."

“Right answer…-“ He says, bucking his hips up with a slight tease. Making her yelp in surprise.

Chris places his hands on her hips, pushing her skirt up just a little more when he presses his cock against her crotch. She lets out the slightest gasp, feeling a hard smack on her right ass cheek.
“You’re a bad girl huh? Look at how bad you want my cock already!”

(Y/N) couldn’t form a sentence, she just wanted him right now. This is exactly what she wanted from Leon, but he wouldn’t even pull her hair when she asked. She feels his thick fingers feeling between her thighs to push aside her panties, trying to not be too loud when he slips two fingers inside her. (Y/N) was falling deeper into Chris, the flame in her heart was so intense and growing bigger.

The whine that comes from her mouth is criminal, Chris getting more turned on.
“It feels… it feels so good,” she whimpers, rolling her hips into his hand. ‘I just want… I want it.”
“Yeah? You like that?” he whispers, his other hand grabbing her throat to give it the littlest squeeze.
She moans, everything he was doing right now was making her come alive.

Chris keeps fingering her with the ‘come here’ motion, feeling her walls almost clamp around his fingers. It clearly had been some time since she had been touched, every part of him making sparks on her body. Her melodic voice like a siren beckoning him to keep playing her like an instrument, his cock twitching with every moan. He was doing his best to keep every whimper she made and every look on her face in his memories. Chris didn’t know when or if this would ever happen again, he wanted her to never forget how he made her feel tonight.

“You’re so wet,” he whispers, pulling his fingers away “Do you think you can handle it?”
“I can, I want it… please!” she says, her hands trying to reach down in between their bodies but he grabs her wrist roughly.
“Tsk tsk, when I say so, ok beautiful?” He says, squeezing her throat a little harder. “You’ll be a good listener, right?”

She grits her teeth and nods obediently, trying to settle down so she could get what he wanted to give. (Y/N) was hungry for it now, the craving to be used like some kind of doll was exciting. She didn’t realize that Chris could be that domineering but then again, he was a Captain in the BSAA. (Y/N) was sure that he was used to being listened to, to call out orders and have his little dog barking when told to do so.

He gives a brash smirk, seeing this beautiful woman on top of him basically begging for it. Chris enjoyed being mean when it meant a girl can handle what he’s willing to give, that the idea of doing other things was bubbling up in his mind now. He debated taking her home, tying her up and making her experience things she’s only ever fantasized about. Chris would fulfill whatever desire she had and he would make sure she had no reason to be shy about it.

“Good girl,” he whispers, giving his thick cock one more stroke. “You’re going to like this, I know.”

He goes in gentle at first, bliss encasing his body. He watches her eyes get wide then close, he fits perfectly. It had been some months since Chris had even kissed anybody, let alone fuck someone but he was going to fuck her right. She feels great, doing his best to control himself as to not finish too early. This was his time to have some fun with her and she seemed more than willing to go along with it. He’s hitting that spot so deep inside her, making her cry out with each snap of his hips.

The car windows fog up from their heavy breathing, the pace inside the car making it rock gently. Chris grabs her hair to pull her head back, being more forceful as he thrusts into her. (Y/N) felt like she could break apart any moment now, she hadn’t been fucked like this ever. Her body was like a piece of art to Chris, admiring her disheveled clothes juxtaposed to her perfect red manicure that was gripping his hand around her throat.

“Is this what you wanted, baby?” He asks, his voice bathed in honey, “You want him to fuck you like how I’m fucking you right?”

He smacks her ass again, making her cry out once more. It’s all so much, she feels the knot in between her thighs tightening. (Y/N) felt the intensity wave down her body, deeper and stronger than ever before. She could cry, feeling the tears at the corners of her eyes.

“Answer me,” he whispers, slowing his pace. “Or I stop…”
(Y/N)’s voice came out shaky, she would do whatever Chris asked. It was pathetic but she didn’t care.

“Yes… like that, just like that!” she cries out, the sound between their joined bodies is lewd. She didn’t know she could be that wet, that turned on.

“You’re taking my dick so well, you’re just a little slut huh?” he whispers to her, hearing her almost giggle in between her moans. “You just want me to keep fucking you?” He questions, gripping her hair again. The little giggle turning into another quivering moan, feeling like she could not get enough air into her lungs.

His voice is so rough right now, cursing under his breath as she grinds her hips down into his. She’s clearly riding a high she’s never reached before, her head almost falling back with each thrust. Her teary eyes briefly look up through the moon roof of the car, the rain continuing to fall with the thunder sounding like it was right above them. She didn’t care that they weren’t together, she didn’t even care about Leon at this moment. She was greedy and it felt so good.

All she cared about was having this man beneath her and fucking all night.

Chris continues to say filthy things to her, degrading her as he fucks her. His hand leaves her throat to give her the tiniest slap on her face, pulling her down for another heavy kiss. Her one hand is on his broad shoulder to keep herself steady, the other in his short hair gripping as hard as she can. She pulls away from the kiss with a deep gasp, a fucked-out expression crossing her face. Chris notices the curl of her lips turning up into a smile when her forehead is against his, she was enjoying herself.

“Right there… right there.” (Y/N) moans, rocking her hips in sync with his.

Chris’ thrusts become more desperate; he wanted to cum so badly, but he felt it was more important to make sure she got there first. His hand reaching down to touch between her legs, his fingers slowing moving around her clit in teasing circles. The motion of both his dick and his masterful hands working together to get her closer to the edge is mind-shattering. It was like falling deeper into a cloud of ecstasy, pulling her in with every thrust he did.

“Oh god I-“ her eyes shutting hard, she was cumming, hard. “Chris…”
“It’s ok, cum for me.” He whispers breathlessly, wetting his top lip with his tongue. “(Y/N), do it.”

His word, his actions and the excitement of doing something she shouldn’t be doing was enough to have her crying in pleasure. Chris looks down between them, seeing she had cum all over his cock. Her body almost becomes limp, tears gently rolling down her face. She never experienced anything like that before, but she has no time to catch her breath. He keeps giving her deep strokes, an almost primal growl leaving his lips when he finally cums inside her. (Y/N)’s body is trembling, the smallest whimpers coming from her.

The only sounds now were their heavy breathing, Chris wrapping his arms around her to cradle her. (Y/N) was coming down from heaven, the world still a little blurry behind her wet lashes. His touch is gentle now, his fingers brushing up and down her back as he holds her. She’s trembling, her thighs shaking as he helps her sit next to him. It was already well past 1 AM, she should have been home hours ago. He dresses himself slowly, doing up his pants and helping her find her discarded top.

“So-“ he says, his voice drastically different than what it was a few minutes ago. “You feel better?”

She almost wants to laugh, taking a mirror out of her purse to check her makeup and her hair. It felt just a tad awkward again, like when they first spoke at the bar. He was very nonchalant for someone who just fucked her brains out. (Y/N)’s lipstick had all been kissed off, her nylons were basically wrecked, and she had a few buttons missing from her blouse. She felt like she needed to get herself together.

“I feel like I should go home and shower,” she says, fixing what she can of her makeup and running her fingers through her hair.

“You can shower at my place,” he says, leaning back against the seat. “I’ll drop you off at your place in the morning.”

(Y/N) doesn’t answer him right away, she felt unsure about what to do. She never did this before and debated if this is what was supposed to happen. Chris studies her body language, sensing that something troubling was beginning to creep into her head. A small pit of worry was growing in her stomach, or maybe it was just regret.

Her phone beeps in her bag. She checks it, one new text notification shows up on the screen.

Her eyes go wide, staring at her phone with a drained expression. Chris takes the phone from her hand, glancing at it and sighing. Realization of what just happened hit them both like a ton of bricks, what she had done was nothing she ever thought she’d do. Slowly, panic and dread entered her bloodstream. The sound of her heartbeat in her ears was almost too loud.

“Where are you?”

 

Chapter 2: A Dance with Despair

Summary:

"Cause I need to know. If you're hurting him, or you're hurting me."

(Y/N) is filled with regret and guilt as she reflects on a night spent with Chris. One that led to a moment of deep vulnerability and intimacy. She remains torn between her feelings for Chris and her loyalty to Leon. The morning after, she continues to struggle with the aftermath of her actions and the weight of her choices. How big can this web of secrets get?

Notes:

Sorry for the late update! I was actually on a trip for a bit after I posted the first chapter. Thanks so much for your patience and comments! I'll do my best to update more frequently (but no promises, pookies) Enjoy!

“I shouldn’t have done this, I should have just went home like I planned,” she said, almost at the point of tears in the passenger seat of Chris’ car.

“(Y/N) look, this was my fault, I-“
“No this was all me because I’m an idiot!” She interrupts him, shaking her head. “That I’m weak…”

Chris sighs deeply, driving through the mostly empty city streets. He was taking her back to her place after much convincing from his end. She was insistent on Chris not dropping her off and taking a cab back instead. Chris couldn't let her go off on her own, he wasn't about to just abandon her. If she didn't want to go home with him, the least he can do is drive her back to her place.

“I can’t tell him,” she whispered, “he can’t find out about any of this or even know we spoke, Chris.”
“I’m not expecting you to do or say anything.” He stated, his tone more serious now. “You do what you feel like doing, I’m not going to lecture about what’s right and what’s wrong.”

Silence settles in once more, save for the sniffles from her. The rain had become a bit softer now, small droplets rolling down the passenger window. (Y/N) watches the raindrops while her mind continues reeling. Every part of her brain jumping from each interaction of tonight. Showing her when she could have pushed him away, when she could have said no or left. One step in these muddy waters was already too deep, and she was now facing a dark ocean of uncertainty without a lifeline.

She moves her eyes to Chris once, his expression unreadable as he stares at the road ahead. What was he thinking? Were these things that he had experienced before? Or was this all new to him like it was for her?

She didn't have the courage to ask, moving her eyes back to stare out the window. Every light on the way there seemed to just stay green, it almost made her laugh.

He pulls up to her place, turning off the car. She lets out a quivering sigh, her hands trembling but not from the cold. (Y/N) looked up to the building and noticed their bedroom light was on; Leon was already home. She swallowed the large lump in her throat, turning back to glace at Chris one more time.

The evening spent with him was beginning to taste so bitter in her mouth. She didn’t want him to feel bad, almost wanting to laugh at how insane that was. How could she feel bad about possibly hurting Chris?

The idea of Leon knowing what had happened was going to be more dreadful than anything she could imagine. She was so lost in her own thoughts that she almost jumps in her seat when Chris’ hand reaches out to stroke her wet cheek, wiping away a tear.

“I’m sorry (Y/N) but,” he whispered, his eyes almost downcast, “Please don’t regret what happened with us, please. I know that is easier said than done and I know it’s crazy but I-”

She pulls back from him, eyes full of deep regret and sorrow. (Y/N) felt conflicted about how everything was playing out. Their night together was spent mentally picking apart her relationship to the point of no return. The fun and excitement ended so quickly, (Y/N) felt like she didn’t even get a chance to even indulge in it. The remorse was what she deserved.

“But… But I do and we can never do this or speak about this ever again.” she whispered back with a slight shaky tone.

Before she can leave, Chris’ hand comes back under her chin to have her face him. He comes in closer to give her a tender kiss. It was soft, softer than any kiss they shared before. He filled her desire, but now it was replaced by pain. She kisses him back gently, pulling away quicker than he would like.
“…Goodbye Chris.”
She didn’t even wait for a response from him, cutting off whatever he wanted to say to her. (Y/N) leaves the car and shuts the door with a heavy slam. He watched her walk slowly to her building, seeing her get in and never looking back. (Y/N) wanted to look back at him but she knew that if she did, she didn’t know if she could stop herself from running back into his arms. Chris feels his heart beginning to race, he had never felt like this before after any kind of one night stand.

He slammed his fist against his steering wheel, exhaling with a deep breath. He lets his head fall back against the headrest, trying to keep his composure. He controls his breathing, biting his tongue before starting the car. He speeds off, angry at himself for wanting to see her again.

-0-

She stands in the elevator; every ding it made had her heart beating faster. (Y/N) gives herself one more glance in the compact mirror, her eyes were only slightly puffy. The elevator dings to her floor, stepping out into the hallway to walk slowly to their door. She inserts the key as silently as she can into the lock, stepping into their shared condo and closing the door as quietly as possible.

(Y/N) slips off her shoes, her legs were bare. She tore off whatever was left of her nylons and left them with Chris, he said he would clean up anything left in his car. Her mind flashes to Chris’ hands wandering her body, how quickly everything happened. She felt hot, going into the bathroom and starting the shower immediately.

The sooner she could clean herself off, the sooner she could try to compose herself before facing Leon. The water is almost too hot, but she withstands it. (Y/N) begins to scrub herself as hard as she could. She feels the tears building up again, sniffling once to control her breathing. The shower’s glass door quickly steams up, almost as quickly as the windows did in Chris’s car. The bathroom door opens suddenly, Leon’s beautiful head of hair popping around the corner.

“Leon!” she says as cheerfully as possible, grateful she could be in the shower before he could greet her at the door.
“(Y/N), you’re home so late,” he says, smiling gently “I sent you a text and when you didn’t answer I was beginning to wonder if I should head to the office.”

“My phone died when I went to the bar with Julia and Louis!” She smiles sheepishly, watching as he undresses himself to get into the shower with her. “I didn’t realize how late it was since we spent some time talking to everyone that was there.”

Leon nods and moves closer to the shower stream. The water flattens his hair, as he moves closer to pull her into him. His torso is so much more toned, noticing a rather large bruise on his rib cage. Her hand gently brushes the bruise in concern, making Leon slightly pull away. He winces once, a pained smile on his lips. She stops her hand, his arm crossing over his middle.

“I tried to come home mostly in one piece,” he whispers, moving closer to her. His lips right above hers. “You’ll just have to be gentle.”

She’s shaking again, hoping he wouldn’t notice. Leon kisses her lips softly and when it happens, she instantly begins to cry. (Y/N) feels his hands on her shoulders, his lips kissing her forehead with gentleness that she didn’t deserve. He lays kisses across her whole face, every one of them felt like the knife was entering deeper and deeper into her heart. The feeling of disconnection between her own self and body was getting bigger, wondering why she ever did what she did. His lips trail down the side of her neck, humming happily against her skin.

“Don’t cry,” Leon whispers, pulling her into his arms to cradle her. “I’m home now.”

He was too trusting, too fair and far better than what she ever deserved. The tears slip down her cheeks silently, heartbroken at her own stupidity. Her thin arms coming around his middle to hold him as gently as she can, (Y/N) didn’t know if she would be able to relish in these moments like she use to. She didn’t deserve it anymore, never again.

They shower, catching up but it’s mostly her letting him talk about what had happened. Five months was a long time to be away with no contact. Leon takes her hand into his, tenderly kissing it but all she could think about was Chris. How that same hand was kissed by Chris, leading her down a jagged path that she didn’t think she could walk back from. She hopes she doesn’t seem too distant, but (Y/N) did her best to almost pull her hand away. Leon’s eyes flash to hers, and she quickly looks away.

She turns to face the shower stream, rinsing herself. Leon stands behind her, noticing the lightest bruise on one side of her hip. He reaches out to put his hands around her waist, feeling her stand up straighter.
“You have a bruise too…” he whispers, she was grateful that he couldn’t see the worry in her eyes.
“Ah... it’s probably from when I hit my hip on my desk earlier,” she says, feeling his chin on her shoulder. “I was rushing.”

The bruise was from how hard Chris was holding onto her in the car, to have more leverage to fuck her better.

He kisses the side of her head, pulling her into him more. He holds her, but something feels off to him. Something seems wrong in her demeanor. He had been away before, granted not this long but she never acted this way. It was like she was guarded, almost like how she was the first time they had ever really been intimate. Leon had missed her terribly and merely chalked up his worry to the months he had been gone. He shuffles past her to rinse himself off and she avoids his stare, squeezing the water from her hair.

“In any case, I won’t be on a mission like that for a while,” he says, turning the shower off and handing her a fluffy white towel. “That’s probably why so many people were at Jack’s tonight celebrating.”

“Oh, I guess that explains why BSAA people were there too? No wonder it was so busy,” she whispers as she wrapped the towel around her middle, following him into the bedroom. “Why didn’t you come?”

He ruffles the towel in his hair to dry it and laughs as he drops the towel into the laundry bin. He was so excited to get into bed and just rest for the night, Leon was looking forward to crawling in while she was sleeping but he showed up to a dark and empty home. He was genuinely surprised the bed was empty when he did his best to sneak in quietly earlier.

“Because I assumed my girlfriend was at home in this big bed, waiting for me,” He teases, getting into bed and patting the spot next to him. “Who knew you could be a social butterfly hmm?”

She dries herself off as best as she could, her hair still slightly damp. (Y/N) looked at him, with that boyish look on his face. He’s so gullible, so soft. It made her wonder how he could go and do the work he does but still maintain that kind of attitude, that kind of happy-go-lucky view on the world. She drops the towel with Leon’s into their shared laundry bin.

“Ha… yeah… Boredom kicked in I guess!” she says turning off the bedroom lamp, crawling into bed with him.

Leon pulls her warm naked body into him once more, cuddling her as the big spoon. He sighs heavily, kissing her head once more. He was grateful to have his arms around her again, dreaming about this moment every night since he had been gone.

“Feels so good to be back here in this bed with you,” he whispers sleepily, breathing in her scent “I missed you so much (Y/N).”
“Ditto,” she whispers, hoping the tears would stop soon. “I missed you too.”

-0-

Sleep did not happen easily, intensely vivid dreams of Chris doing everything she wanted kept her from getting any real rest. When (Y/N) woke up, it was close to 11 AM and Leon was not in bed. She laid there on her side, curling her body up into a fetal position. The plush covers swallowing her up, wishing a hole would open in the mattress and pull her down into nothingness. She hears the bedroom door open, the smell of coffee wafting into the air.

“Are you awake, sleepyhead?” Leon asks, placing a cup of coffee onto the night table.
He sits on the edge of the bed, brushing the hair away from (Y/N)’s forehead. Leon’s hand strokes her cheek gently, noticing the faintest mark on her neck. Like someone had grabbed her. He didn’t say anything, didn’t let anything show on his face.

“I’m trying to wake up,” she whispers.
“You feeling ok?” he said, leaning down to kiss her forehead “You didn’t sleep well last night hmm?”
She shakes her head, beginning to sit up. He reaches for the cup on the nightstand and hands it to her, made just the way she liked it.

“Thank you,” she coos, holding the warm cup in her hands. “Smells good.”

Silence, save for her sipping the hot coffee slowly to not burn her tongue. Leon turns away, clearing his throat when he stands up to leave.

“I’m uh, going to head to the office to drop off some paperwork and other stuff,” he says, walking to the bedroom door. “Let’s go out for dinner or something tonight.”

He turns back just a bit to see her do the smallest nod. Sleepy eyes almost a little puffy, like she had cried. (Y/N) takes one more sip of the coffee Leon made her, placing it down on her nightstand.

“Okay.” She says with the softest tone, giving the faintest smile.
Leon smiles back but feels off, feels like he was trying to talk to someone that didn’t really want him there. What happened in that five months he had been gone?

-0-

When the front door shut, it was like she could breathe normally again. (Y/N) stopped being on alert and suddenly she could feel every ache in her body. Chris was rough with her last night, the dull pain in her muscles a steady reminder that she didn’t dream that interaction, it was real. (Y/N) gets up to get dressed. She grabbed one of Leon’s old t-shirts and slipped on a pair of underwear, taking her mug to the kitchen. She noticed her phone on the counter, checking to see if she had any notifications.

3 missed calls from Leon last night, then his text. But there was a new text from him sent 2 minutes ago:
“Be ready at 6.”
She quickly texts back, placing the mug in the sink and leaning against the counter.
“Ok, see you then.”

She felt like she was drowning in all her emotions at once, trying to stop herself from relishing in the fatal attraction she had to Chris. (Y/N) felt sick with how good she felt last night, how his hands seemed to know every spot that could spark up her heart in an instant. She swipes through the notifications, seeing one text from an unknown number. (Y/N) debated opening the message, part of her knew it was him but part of her wanted to be wrong. She opens it.

“It’s me.” She reads the message, wondering if she should text back.

She opens the patio door, walking out onto her balcony and sitting on one of the patio chairs. The breeze is cool, and the sun is shining just enough to warm her without being too hot. (Y/N)’s thumb hovers above the reply button, clicking it once to type a message.

“How did you even get my number?”

Her phone beeps immediately.

“I have my ways to get information I need. I just wanted to check in on you.”

She sighs, hating that she liked that he cared. That he went out of the way to get her number, not knowing if he would even receive any kind of reply. (Y/N) sees her phone light up again, this time he was calling her. Again, she debated even answering the phone at this point but the need to hear him is too much.

“Hello,” she answers.
“Hi… I… I’m sorry for calling you like this.” Chris replies quietly.

Neither of them said another peep, awkwardly replaying the same motions as they did back in the bar. Silence. But she can’t handle it and just wanted to get to the reason he was calling her.

“Chris, you can’t be seri-“
“Are you alone?” he cuts her off.
“Of course I am! Do you really think I’d even reply to your text if Leon was here?”
“Well… Is he coming back anytime soon…?”
“Probably closer to 6, he went to the office to drop off some stuff… why do you want to know?”
“Cause I-“
“No, I can’t meet you at all. You’re not coming here and I told you-“
“I know! God damn it, I know what you said but-”

She notices a dark car pull up on the street near her balcony, realizing that it was Chris’ car. (Y/N) stands up immediately, peering over the balcony when he parks in front of her building. It was like last night all over again.

“Chris… please just-” she pleads, suddenly hearing the front door of her place opening.

It was Leon, he was back sooner than expected. She hangs up on Chris immediately, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear nervously when she re-enters their apartment from the balcony patio.
“You scared me!” she says, breathless with a flushed expression.
“Sorry! I didn’t mean to, I forgot something,” he whispers, almost shocked at how surprised she looked.

Leon notices her phone ringing in her hand, gesturing for her to give it an answer. (Y/N) looks down at it again, it was Chris.

“Aren’t you going to answer it?”
“It’s an unknown number,” she says, placing it facedown on the counter, “Probably just spam, what did you forget?”

He crosses his arms, feeling like there was something she was hiding from him. He couldn’t handle this weird distance and standoffishness from her anymore. Leon wasn’t going to leave until he got an answer. Meanwhile, (Y/N) was desperate to get him to leave sooner than later so she could handle her situation with Chris.

“Please stop calling…!” she thought.

“What’s with you since I got back?” he asks, a puzzled expression on his handsome face, “You’re being weird and acting a little strange.”
She swallows before she answers, trying her best to keep her voice from shaking when she answers him.
“Nothing, there isn’t anything wrong with me.”
“No there is, I know there is something wrong with you and I can tell because-“
“Leon, I’m fine!”

She’s defensive but actively trying to control her voice and facial expression when her phone vibrates again on the counter. Both him and her glance it, with her trying to reach it before Leon could. But, like Chris, he’s so much quicker than her. Leon looks at it while raising it above her head, trying to answer it even though her hands were reaching up to grab it from him. It was pointless, she wouldn’t be able to fight off Leon. Why did Chris have to keep calling?

(Y/N) gives up, her shoulders dropping the moment he answered the call. Again, Leon is puzzled by her weary expression. He felt angry suddenly, not just at her but at this person who kept calling.

He doesn’t speak into the phone, instead choosing to hang it up immediately, putting her phone back down on the kitchen counter. Leon turns to her, his breathing picking up just a bit. (Y/N) could see his eyebrows furrowing, she knew that meant he was genuinely irritated. They had never argued like this before, it was like stepping into a field of landmines. She didn’t want to say the wrong thing but what else can she say about what had happen that wouldn’t end in a disaster right here?

“I’m going to ask you one more time and you better answer me truthfully because I’m getting really pissed off that you’re playing around like this with me,” Leon says, voice deepening, “What is up with you?”

She goes silent, (colour) eyes downcast and avoiding his stare in embarrassment. She felt like a child being disciplined by their parent. (Y/N) bites her tongue, her arms stiff at her sides when she closes her small hands into fists. She doesn’t know what words to say, she can’t even muster a sound. Leon comes closer to her, his hands coming around her upper arms to try and have her look at him. She still avoids his stare, doing her best to stop the tears welling in her eyes.

“Is it because I was gone for awhile and couldn’t contact you? Do you think I did that on purpose?” he says, his one hand letting go of her one arm to grab her chin, forcing her to face him. “I told you that I would do my best to stay in contact, and I couldn’t!”

If only he knew why there was distance, why she was pushing him away. Leon searched her eyes for a moment, suddenly trying to kiss her forcefully but she tries to pull away. His mouth comes down on hers, her hands coming up to try and push his chest. She can’t, he’s like a well rooted tree. Leon deepens the kiss when she opens her mouth to protest, moving her back against the kitchen counter. He pulls away briefly, giving her the chance to turn away from him.

“I can’t do this!” she cries out, hands coming up to cover tear-stained face.

Leon again is quicker, his arms coming around her waist. Her back was against his chest, his mouth near her ear to speak.

“Stop,” He says softer, feeling her fidget again when he holds her tighter. “Just tell me what’s the matter?”

(Y/N)’s arms are locked at her sides, worried eyes seeing her phone light up again. Leon ignores it, feeling her try to turn around in his arms to face him. Does she just break up with him? Does she just tell him and have him end it? She was uncertain which path would be the least painful for Leon.

“Leon…” she mumbles, choking back a sob. “I’ve been doing some thinking and we-“
He suddenly lets her go, stepping back slowly. She keeps her back to him and taking a deep, trembling breath as she straightens her posture. (Y/N) was too much of a coward to face him, to see his expression. She had already done enough.

“This is something bad…” he says with a soft sadness. “Isn’t it?”
“We need to talk.” She says, finally turning around to face him fully.

Chapter 3: Stolen Kisses, Shared Lies

Summary:

(Y/N) and Leon start reflecting on the highs and lows of their troubled relationship. However, she finds herself unable to stop thinking about Chris. She yearns for stability but also desires the excitement of a forbidden romance. Struggling to maintain a sense of balance as the world around her beings to shatter, she wonders how long she can continue without confronting the repercussions. Uncertain about her future with Leon, she remains pulled to explore the depths of her heart with Chris.

The tension between them was making her feel sick, taking one long and deep breath before turning to face him. But she begins to weigh the scales in her mind the moment she looks at him. Leon’s anger had simmered down to worry, his blue eyes immediately searching her face for any kind of clues when she turns to him.

“(Y/N)…” he whispers, eyes beginning to cloud with worry. “Talk to me.”

She gestures a nod towards the couch, walking past him to sit. He follows her, like a wounded puppy with its tail between its legs. (Y/N) can’t look at him, biting the inside of her cheek while she mulled over the right words. She wrings her hands in her lap, pursing her lips together to form any kind of tangible sentence. This was hard, but she did this to herself. Hurting him was easy, admitting she did was another story.

Could she really be able to do that? Admit the things that had happened, admit why she wasn’t acting the way he was used to. Did Leon know there was something she was hiding?

How does one go about admitting their faults? To try and keep all the secrets from overflowing and drowning them both. Cowardice began to rush through her veins when Leon’s hand reaches over to stop her nervous fidgeting, his lithe fingers tenderly squeezing her hand. She turns to face him, his pleading eyes begging for any kind of response. (Y/N) needed more time to sort out her own emotional baggage before dumping it in Leon’s lap.

To be cunning, a skill she didn’t even know she really had. It’s not one that anyone should be proud of, especially under these kinds of circumstances.

How much more heavy can she make her heart weigh?

“I just… don’t know how to handle how I feel about you being back so suddenly after being gone for so long,” (Y/N) says, lie upon lie being laid down to make the ground between them steady. “Especially because we haven’t really had any contact since you left and I’ve been here without you wondering what’s happening…”

Leon’s worried expression changes to empathy, not that she deserved any after everything she had done. But he’s so trusting as usual, making her wish she could still be the person he thought she was. The invisible thread that was attached to Chris lingered around her wrist so tight, pulling a part of herself in another direction.

She’s so incredibly selfish. Their relationship was still so new, (Y/N) could just end it right now. It would be easier than trying to hang onto him. Still, she wants to desperately try to keep the ties of their relationship from becoming a noose around his neck.

Does she hurt Leon or does she hurt Chris?

“I’ve been having a hard time without you here and for you to come back acting like you just left yesterday,” She whispers, feeling Leon shift closer to her on the couch. “It’s a bit of a weird adjustment for me… in a way I’m feeling like we have to start over, does that make sense?”

God, she felt so fucking pathetic when the lies that passed her lips seemed to come out so easily. Being able to divide the blame and hide her secrets. She wasn’t ready to let Leon go yet, to face the consequences right now was too much.

“(Y/N), it’s never my intention to try and create a rift between us, especially since I’ve shown up kind of unexpectantly after some time…” Leon says, his hand coming up to brush a strand of hair from her face before coming back to grasp both her hands again. “I’m sorry, you know you’re important to me.”

Important, the word sinking down into the pit of her stomach. Dragging down whatever goodness she had left in her.

“I just want to know what’s wrong and what I can possibly do to help make this work.”

His hand reaches out again to cup her chin, his thumb stroking her cheek gently.
“I just need some time…to sort some things out in my head mostly,” (Y/N) says with more conviction, it wasn’t a total lie. “Leon, you don’t need to worry about me after all the work you’ve done to come back home… I can’t do that, it’s not fair to you.”

(Y/N) almost wanted to laugh at her own disbelief at the use of the word “fair”. Nothing she did last night was fair to him. Nothing commendable, nothing that Leon deserved. There was a gap in her that she didn’t notice getting bigger between her own self and Leon. A gap Chris possibly noticed that she let him see without much of a fight.

His smile is soft, leaning in to give her the lightest peck on her lips. She kisses him back with the same muted gentleness. The mood in the room has instantly lightened, and suddenly she could feel the needed air coming back into her lungs. He tips his head slightly, her lips parting just enough for him to deepen the kiss.

It's pure selfishness that drives her forward, she didn’t want to give Leon up yet.

It wasn’t honest, but she needed to keep going. Even if the future was steadily becoming more unclear as she went on, perhaps she could make it out alive.

But for now, time was on her side. (Y/N) was in too deep to not try and balance the scales in her favour again, even if it meant that she was going to be alone at the end. She began to mentally prepare for an unhappy ending and hoped that eventually her heart could do the same.

Leon pulls away from their kiss, letting out a relieved sigh.

“Ya know…” he says, standing up from the couch. “For a second, I felt worried… I was wondering if you were going to break up with me.”

Leon looks down to see her reaction, her delicate limbs reaching up to stretch over her head to release some tension. Her eyes widen for a second, a nervous laugh floating out of her mouth.

“Now why would I do that?” she asks, turning back to look at her abandoned phone on the kitchen counter.

There it sat, face down still.

Unbeknownst to them both that it had a few more missed calls.

-0-

She helped Leon search for his USB stick, it having fallen into the laundry basket after their shared shower last night. (Y/N) follows him to the front door again to watch him leave, his keys jingling in his hands as he opens the door to leave.

He turns back quickly, giving her a quick kiss on her cheek.

“Remember, be ready by 6:00!” he says as he shuts the door.

A deep sigh of solace leaves (Y/N) the moment it closes, her hands coming to rub the sides of her face to soothe her nerves. She had merely avoided the inevitable but was grateful that she could keep her head above water again. (Y/N) goes over to her phone again, flipping it over to see a few more missed calls from Chris.

Now to settle this matter, hoping she had the courage to be more assertive.

Shaking fingers dial his number again, it rang once before he answered. It was silent on his end, knowing that he was probably waiting for her to say anything before he did.

“Hello?” she says, going back out to the patio to peek over the balcony. “Chris?”

His SUV was gone, maybe he decided to leave when he couldn’t reach her after she had hung up.

“What happened?” He whispered quietly. “I was getting a little worried when you didn’t call back right away…”
“Leon came home, but he’s just left to go back out to the office now.”
“Oh… is that why you-“
“Kept hanging up or didn’t answer? Yes.” She says with a teeny tinge of sarcasm.
“… Ah… I’m sorry.”

She couldn’t help the smile that tugged at the corner of her lips, going back inside her condo to sit back on her couch. The curtains from the patio move gently in the breeze, the sun beams creeping in slowly and warming the hardwood floors. (Y/N) stretches out to rest her legs on the coffee table in front of her, noticing the light bruises forming on her legs. No doubt from how she had to bend her legs in Chris’ backseat yesterday.

(Y/N) licks her top lip, her emotions swaying back and forth like a ship on the water. It was extreme, how she felt talking to Leon just moments before to how she felt now speaking to Chris. Pain, swallowing whatever pride she had to come to a decision.

“Look, I know I told you we shouldn’t... continue whatever this is, and I think we need to set some ground rules right now.” She says with a matter-of-fact tone, as if this wasn’t her first time doing something like this. “You cannot call me, and you cannot text me first. Ever, understand?”

“Okay, I… I can do that.” Chris says almost too eagerly. “I just… really wanted to hear your voice and make sure you were okay in the first place, (Y/N).”

“I don’t know how I’m feeling right now, I just need to sort some things out for myself and figure out how I’m going to handle things for the time being. I’ve never done this before and I-” she trails off, obviously still flipping between elation and fear. “I know I said I want to forget this happened between us… but I can’t.”

Chris was understandable, feeling the slightest tinge of hope that maybe he still had a chance to see her again. Even if he had to wait just a little while longer. This was turning into a bigger deal now that (Y/N) seemed to want to cooperate with Chris. They were playing with fire, and Leon was the unknowing gasoline ready to make the blaze bigger.

“I haven’t told Leon anything and I don’t know if I can ever muster the courage to ever tell him,” She continues, leaning her head back against the plush couch, her eyes only watered just a bit. “I just don’t know what I’m doing anymore Chris… whatever this is between us… it’s getting harder for me to ignore.”

His heart skips a beat at that sentence, her voice was trembling.

He had done these kinds of relationships before with other women, never giving much thought about hurting others. It was easy for him to convince someone to take a chance when he didn’t really care beyond the physical. Chris did what he pleased, but to do this to a friend like Leon.

Culpability came so quickly, trying to play it off like it didn’t bother him at all. But it made him begin to question his own personal morals. Especially when he hears the softest whimper on the other side of the call. He was beginning to see the grey hue in between these decisions. Blurring his senses and fogging up his mind the more he tried to make sense of this. (Y/N) was being her own executioner, her true feelings laid bare to him over this conversation.

It hurt him to hear the shame in her voice, how she almost sounded like she was asking for his own forgiveness. Chris wasn’t about to act like he was an upstanding person just because he wasn’t the one in an established relationship messing around.

He was just as guilty, showing how much of a pretty fucking lousy friend he was.

“I told you (Y/N); I’m not judging you or telling you what you need to do in terms of your relationship.” He says, still sitting in his car. “You’ve got way more to lose in this than I do… I’m just... I can’t stop thinking about you.”

“Why did I say that?” he thought, slightly embarrassed.

He never felt more stupid. Not even wanting to admit to himself that all it took was one night of reveling in her to make him feel absolutely crazy for more.

Chris had driven home after last night in a daze. He, like (Y/N), had difficulty sleeping, his alarm waking him up bright and early. He planned to get some work done in the office, wanting to think of anything but her. On his way out, he was notified about the recent mission briefing and having to collaborate with a certain DSO agent.
For the first time in a long time, he panicked.

He made up an excuse to be late and postpone the meeting, even after being told that Leon was on the way to the office to go over all the paperwork. Chris drove around the city, wracking his brain on what to do or say. Eventually, finding himself parked outside her building like some kind of sinner asking for sanctuary.

If that wasn’t pathetic enough, he called her. Chris felt vile for doing exactly what (Y/N) explicitly said not to. Contact her. When she stopped answering, he drove further down the street in fear that they were caught red-handed. A wave of alleviation flooded his system when she called him back.

“… I wish I didn’t like hearing that,” She says with her voice trembling over the phone. “We’re horrible people, aren’t we?”

He almost lets out a small laugh, clearing his throat once.

“Well…I’d rather you say it than someone else.”

-0-

(Y/N) had stayed on the phone with Chris, telling him about the altercation that had happened between her and Leon this morning. He was immediately apologetic about everything, feeling terrible about how that must of felt to see her whole life almost shatter because of him.

“If I didn’t see you walk in last night, I would not have come over to talk to you.”

She was slow about getting ready, taking her time to pretty herself up to go play the role of a faithful, happy girlfriend again. Chris meanwhile had to head into the office to finish his paperwork and briefing notes. He had mentioned to (Y/N) about possibly having to see Leon today but reassured her that he had no plans of sticking around longer than he needed to. Chris was a man of his word, and he valued confidentiality when it came to personal relationships.

Even more so than ever when he was fucking his friend’s girlfriend.

Chris stepped into the DSO office, walking passed security to take the elevator up to the 8th floor. He had finished his end of the work at the BSAA office, choosing to avoid spending any more time here. Saturdays were usually dead around here, with the occasional person walking around to do some last-minute grunt work that was brought in from agents. He strides passed all the empty cubicles, hoping to avoid anyone and just give the briefing notes to his superior’s before being spotted.

From the corner of his steely eyes he notices a person nearing him from his left side, turning his head slightly to see Leon. His jaw tightens, watching the younger agent walk over with a smile and a nod. It had been some time since he had seen Leon, even before his mission away. Earlier in their careers, they would work together more often but as Chris moved up the ranks, so did Leon. It was rare for them to be sent in on something together anymore.

But of all times, why now? This had to be some kind of divine punishment from the universe.

“Chris! Long time no see!” Leon says, reaching out his hand to give Chris’ a shake. “How’ve you been?”

Chris shakes Leon’s hand, smiling once before reminding himself of what (Y/N) had said:
“If you do see him today, please don’t mention me at all.”

“I’ve been better,” Chris says, gripping his papers a bit tighter as they walk side by side to their superior’s boardroom. “How’s it going with you? Did you just get back this morning?”

He decided to play dumb; it was the only way he could keep his composure about everything. Chris chose to speak as little about himself as possible right now, in fear of saying the wrong thing that would irk suspicion. Thinking about how (Y/N) had just done the same thing earlier with Leon. The BSAA Captain had faced countless monstrosities with ease, but this was tougher than anything he had faced before.

“Stay cool.” He thought.

“Late last night actually, I was basically on a red eye from Europe so I’m still a bit jetlagged from the flight.”

Chris nods his head, opening the door to the briefing room. There was no one inside, the lights were dimmed with a few papers and briefcases on the table. He drops his manila folder onto the table with a thud, the thick stack of papers inside all neatly contained and filed. Leon reaches into his jacket pocket and places the USB stick on top of Chris’ paperwork.

There were so many differences between both men, not just physical but even in how they apparently did their work. But they did have the same taste in girls.

“I think we can just leave,” Chris says, looking around the empty room nonchalantly. “No one is even here anyway.”
“Aren’t we supposed to go over this stuff with-“

Chris was already out the door before Leon finished his sentence, he couldn’t do it. His usual composure was slipping, and he was too tired to deal with mission briefings and files anymore. He wanted to leave before anymore bullshit was going to happen. Leon slips out of the door soon after Chris, jogging a bit to catch up with the BSAA Captain who was heading to the elevator.

“Chris, wait up!” Leon calls, seeing the hulking figure turn briefly to look at him.
“I gotta go Leon, I was out pretty late-“ Chris stops himself mid sentence, realizing he nearly mentioned being out at Jack’s last night. “I mean uh… I’m pretty tired.”

In all honesty, he was exhausted. Emotionally and physically drained from the past 24 hours. Chris couldn’t look at Leon anymore, in fear his eyes were giving him away about his crimes. The idea of having to be normal and act a certain way in front of Leon after what Chris had done to him was almost too much right now. This was easier when it wasn’t a friend.

“I just wanted to see if you were busy tonight for a get together? But if you’re tired or busy, I totally understand.”

Chris hits the down button of the elevator, pulling out a pair of black sunglasses from his jacket pocket. He could almost snicker at that question, placing the sunglasses on his face to hide his eyes. The universe was continuing to test him.

Still, Leon was none the wiser, and it gave Chris just a bit of confidence that he could handle anything that was coming his way.

“A get together?” Chris says, with a smile. “Where? Maybe I can drop by…”

The elevator dings and the doors open. He steps inside, leaning back against the wall while Leon places his hand on the edge of the elevator door to keep it open. He crosses his arms across his chest, glancing at Leon.

“Probably Jack’s! I can text you if plans change!”
“Yea, maybe I’ll see you later.”

Leon backs up, almost giving a wave with the hand that blocked the door. As they close, Chris lets out a ragged sigh with a bit of a laugh. Things just seemed to get messier the more he tried to contain it. He runs his hand through his short hair, cracking his neck to ease himself from the stiffness. Whatever web he was spinning was already out of control, and he was just adding more to it.

But then again, he liked a challenge. If anything, this could be fun.

-0-

She finished the last-minute touches to her makeup, choosing to wear a blue long button up dress. (Y/N) bought this dress for their second date and he liked how it hugged all the right parts of her. It was never buttoned all the way down as it felt too restricting for her, and Leon preferred being able to see a bit of her bare thighs from time to time.

He opens the bedroom door, seeing her at the vanity mirror putting on lipstick.

“You look great.” He says with a smile, watching her stand up to do a small turn to show off her whole look. “Really, really great.”

She smiles back shyly, a faint blush on her face when he eyes her up and down. For a second, things felt normal. The normalcy goes away quickly when she thought about how hard she was struggling to keep the closet of skeletons from bursting open.

Leon comes over to put his arms around her middle and she gingerly mimics him.

“Mind the bruise, sweetheart,” He teases, feeling her hug him a bit tighter. “I told you: be gentle.”
“I’m always gentle.” She teases back, looking up at him with her big eyes.

He kisses the tip of her nose before letting her go. Getting his wallet and keys from his nightstand, taking one last look at himself in the mirror. (Y/N) stares at him as he brushes back a bit of his dirty blonde hair with his hand. He didn’t have to do much to himself when they go out. Leon was insanely attractive.

“So,” He turns to face (Y/N), “For tonight I was thinking we head over to Jack’s for a couple of drinks if you’re down for that?”

(Y/N)’s throat closes up instantly, butterflies bursting forth in her stomach to the point of making her feel a bit queasy. She forces a strained smile when Leon’s head tilts a bit in concern.

“No? or-“
“Oh yeah, Jack’s is fine! It’s cool with me!” (Y/N) chirps, breathing out of her mouth to try and steady her rising heartbeat.
“Are you sure? I know you were there yesterday and I’d hate to-“
“I’m ok with it, really! This is your homecoming in the first place.”

Leon smiles, taking her slightly clammy hand in his and walking her out of the bedroom. They put on their shoes, grab their jackets and leave the apartment together. Her heartbeat was gnawing against her ribs so hard that (Y/N) was worried Leon could hear it.

As they make their way to the elevator, he grasps her hand again to bring it to his mouth. (Y/N) gives a small smile as Leon kisses her hand tenderly, bringing her hand back down to interlock his fingers with hers.

“I may have invited some other people to join for a bit, if that’s ok?” he says, pressing the down button.

Like the drop off on some kind of amusement park ride, her stomach sinks again. Leon had no idea what kind of thoughts she was having, suddenly feeling feverish at the idea of bumping into anyone who might have seen her leave with Chris. She swallows her fear as much as she could, letting him swing their joined hands back and forth between them.

This was just another game where she needed to do all she could to play her cards right, getting worked up is only going to make her break down and panic.

“That’s fine… who did you invite?” She asks, trying not to seem too uneasy.

They enter the elevator, Leon choosing to pull her back into his arms again as he leans against the elevator wall. He almost rocks her back and forth, admiring her face as he speaks to her gently.

“Just a few friends from DSO… and Chris might pop in. Remember him?”

All the colour drained from her face, Leon’s eyes immediately flashing to worry. (Y/N) takes control of her facial expression again, biting her tongue in the process.

“(Y/N), are you feeling alright?”
“I… just feel like I need to have something to eat, the motion…” She tries to calm the panic in her voice, but her throat suddenly felt tight. “I think the elevator movement is making me feel a bit nauseous, that’s all.”

He kisses her forehead in concern, rubbing the small of her back gently.

“Then we better hurry up.” Leon says, helping her out of the elevator and to their car.

“No, no, no, we don’t need to hurry,” (Y/N) thought, letting Leon lead her out.

-0-

Leon ‘s hand is on her one thigh while he drives them both to their point of destination, the music he plays in the car calms her for a brief period. He had rolled the windows down to give (Y/N) some fresh air, hoping to cool her down and subside the queasiness in her stomach.

“Does it help?” He asks, glancing at her once before putting his eyes back on the road.
“It does, thank you.” She murmurs to him, enjoying the smell of the summer breeze in her face.

This wasn’t the time to fall apart, breathing in the fresh air through her nose and out her mouth. The purr of the deep red sportscar’s engine revving up as he drives them along the highway.

In a weird, twisted way, it was like last night playing in reverse. Her leg bounces with stress under his hand, Leon noticing right away and giving her thigh one squeeze to help soothe her.

“We’re almost there, baby,” he says, hoping she would perk up soon. “Just hold on a bit longer.”

She nods briefly, bringing her smaller hands down to rest on his. The squeeze of his hand on her leg made her think of when Chris did the same thing to her under the table last night. She smiles just a bit at the thought, the idea that he also wanted to stop the nerves building up in her. Granted, Chris was the one purposely going out of the way to make her nervous.

As Leon pulls the car into the parking lot, (Y/N) immediately notices a black SUV parked further back.

“You’ve got to be fucking kidding me? Don’t tell me he seriously came.” she thought, pressing her tongue against the inside of her cheek.

They exit the vehicle, walking hand in hand to the building. Fellow DSO agents and other coworkers call out to Leon as soon as they enter the bar. Her (colour) eyes scan the area rapidly as she walks with Leon to a table, turning once to look at the booth she shared with Chris yesterday.

Empty.

“Maybe we can order you some fries or something,” Leon says, immediately scanning the menu when they sit. “Is that ok?”
“I’m okay with that, I’m feeling better.” (Y/N) says, turning back to watch Leon wave to people as they pass by their table.
“Alright, did you want a vodka soda? Or maybe some water?” He says with a bit of concern.

She still looked a little too pale to Leon and he debated if having alcohol would help her with the queasy feeling. He reaches over to stroke her cheek gently, feeling how she had cooled down. (Y/N) nodded at him, feeling like she could relax since she didn’t see any signs of Chris.

“Maybe that SUV in the parking lot just happened to look like his?”

“I’ll be ok with a vodka soda,” (Y/N) says, giving a small grin as Leon stands to order at the bar.
“Okay.” Leon gives her a wink, “I’ll be right back.”

(Y/N) watches Leon as he walks over to the bar, his long and lean legs clad in black jeans. She admires his toned physique from a far, the way his lean back muscles can be seen through the red t-shirt he was wearing. (Y/N) could feel questioning eyes on her again, just like last night. She looks around the bar, watching the random patrons’ eyes drop the minute she tries to catch their stares.

“I wonder how many of these people were here yesterday…” She thought, seeing the gaggle of female agents moving toward Leon to ambush him for a chat.

(Y/N) watches the group giggle and sigh as Leon speaks to them, this was a usual happening when they went out to places where other DSO and BSAA people would be. Other women in the office were blatant about their flirting with Leon, even when (Y/N) was within earshot. It honestly didn’t bother her, not even when one of their hands lingers a little too long on Leon’s arm. He brushed her off quite politely, Leon gesturing back toward where (Y/N) sat.

The gaggle turns to look at her, their expressions becoming deeply sullen when Leon walks passed them to bring the drinks to the table. How easy it was for him to just reject that much attention was admirable. Leon was actively and unknowingly showing he was a good boyfriend, that he could set a boundary and wasn’t tempted at all. The countless girls that threw themselves at him didn’t even make him bat an eye.

“Hi Mr. Popular.” She teases with a slight giggle, Leon shaking his head as he takes the seat across from her to have his back towards the group of women.
“I’m sorry,” He says with a slight gruff tone, sliding the glass across the table to (Y/N). “I don’t know why they have to come up as a group like that, it’s too much and too obvious.”

She purses her lips before taking a sip of her drink. (Y/N) clearing her throat once before speaking again.

“Well obviously they like you and-”
“I like you, just you,” He retorts as he gestures his head to the group behind him, “and I don’t even want to humor them.”

(Y/N) can’t help but laugh, his tone was so serious about something so small. She wondered for a second if Leon thought she would be jealous.

She wanted to make a comment, but she freezes. For a second time tonight, she feels a familiar kind of stare. A deep shiver moves its way up her spine, slightly turning her head slowly to see that the booth from yesterday had one person in it.

(Y/N) immediately catches eyes with Chris’, her ears beginning to ring as if an explosion went off right here. He’s dressed in a black dress shirt and blue jeans, he looks good. But his face is unreadable as he watches over both Leon and (Y/N), a tall beer glass in his hand.

How long had he been there just observing them together?

The slight curl at the corner of his mouth can be seen when he brings the glass to his lips to take a drink. She felt like a deer caught in the headlights, suddenly wanting to dart straight into traffic. He was being cocky, making her heart race at his blatant attitude.

“(Y/N)? Hello…?” Leon says, waving his hand in front of her face. “You’re spacing out, did you want some water?”

Her head shakes slightly to break the trance she was in, bringing a hand up to pat her steadily blushing cheek.

“Oh my god, sorry, I was-“ She feels so hot again, noticing Chris turn away from her. “I suddenly just felt so dizzy, and it was like my brain had to hit the reset button.”

Leon reaches across the table to grab her hand, his thumb massages her wrist with a bit of pressure. She glances down at his movements, letting him turn her wrist faceup to deepen the massage.

“Right here… there’s a pressure point in your wrist to help with nausea.” He says softly, his hands so gentle and tender when he rubs the thin skin on her wrist. “Are you sure you’re ok? We can go home.”

She thinks about Chris’ hands, how they felt just a bit rougher when he touched her skin.

“Leon, I’m fine, really!” She says, looking into his baby blues as a server puts the basket of fries on the table. “Just let me nibble on those fries, you need to pump the brakes on the worrying.”

He stops the massage, leaning back in his seat with a soft sigh.
“Okay, okay, I’ll stop with the worry,” He says, taking a sip of his beer with a handsome smile. “I’ll just mention one more time that if you’re not feeling well, we can always ditch early.”

“I know and I appreciate the offer, thank you.” She says, before taking a bite of the salty hot fries.

Maybe she just needed something to eat, looking at the booth one more time to notice an empty glass. Chris had already left, or maybe he was wandering the bar.

(Y/N) almost hoped that maybe her broken brain was playing tricks on her, making her see an apparition to haunt her about her choices. But she knows it was him.

“Does he want us to get found out or what?” She thought, steadily eating the fries in front of her.

She does her best to stifle the tinges of excitement entering her bloodstream.

-o-

More people filled the bar, the music playing a bit louder now too. The evening consisted of meeting countless person after person that Leon worked with. People were friendly, feeling a bit timid when one person commented: “We’re so happy to finally meet you in person! Leon has told us so much about you.”

“You wouldn’t be saying that if you knew what I did.” She thinks, forcing out a slight laugh.

(Y/N) smiles meekly, feeling a reassuring arm come across the small of her back to tug her closer to him. She looks over at Leon as he talks to the group of people in front of them, his hand rubbing gently up and down her back. The tension in her shoulders dropped, feeling a bit more at ease. Even when he was being social, he was still so attentive to her needs. To see things about her that others didn’t see. Always mindful to put her first.

Guilt comes in waves, ebbing and flowing when he does the little things.

Leon knew she was extremely shy in big groups, taking baby steps to introduce her one at a time to the people he worked with most. He notices her drink was basically empty, taking it from her hands with ease. He promised no more socializing for a little while; she needed a break.

“Do you want another drink, babe?” He says, his arm now moving up to hang over her one shoulder.

She nods, her arm coming around to hold Leon at his waist as they walk together back to their table. He smells good, a clean and soothing scent. (Y/N) can feel the watchful stares from his many fangirls, but it didn’t matter.

If they only knew how greedy she was, they would feel more than just jealousy. He kisses the side of her head, taking her glass back to the bar.

“Go take a seat then beautiful, I’ll be right back.” He says with a smile. “Same as usual?”
“Yes please,” (Y/N) says, taking a seat.

He disappears into the steadily growing crowd of people; Saturdays were always hectic here. She peeks at her phone, seeing a few texts from Julia. (Y/N) didn’t know if she could admit what had happened last night to her coworker. Granted, they were close, but fear stops her from wanting to mention it. She already couldn’t handle her own self judgment let alone another person’s. Besides, as much as she loved being friends with Julia, she was also a big gossiper at times.

If you ever wanted to hear some juicy things about someone in the office, she was the best source.

Julia might not gossip about this considering their friendship, but this was something (Y/N) was planning to take to her grave. If anything, Julia would probably cut her off completely.

She scrolls down her messages, re-reading the ones from Chris. A small smile creeps up, the need to text him again was worming its way into her brain. In a moment, a drink is placed down in front of her, (Y/N) looks up from her phone with a smile. Her smile drops in an instant when she notices who is standing next to Leon.

It’s hard not to notice his 6’1” figure when he’s standing basically right over her.

“Look who finally showed up!” Leon says, clearly a bit buzzed from his drink. “It’s Chris!”

Her mouth drops open almost in disbelief, looking at Chris with a shocked expression.

“This isn’t happening, this isn’t fucking happening!”

“Uh… Leon kind of caught me at the bar while I was getting a drink and insisted-“ Chris said, clearly seeing her shocked expression turning to frustration.
“I invited you! Just sit down for a bit!” Leon interrupts, offering the empty seat next to (Y/N) with an open invitation.
“Leon, if he doesn’t want to sit then-“
“Just 10 minutes, Chris.” Leon ignores (Y/N)’s words.

Chris’ grey-blue eyes flicker at (Y/N)’s, noticing the hot flush traveling up her neck to her face. She bites the inside of her cheek before taking a big sip of her drink. The older man sits cautiously between the couple, putting his beer down on the small table, one of his long legs briefly brushes against one of hers. (Y/N) gives a bit of a nervous smile as she turns her body away from his touch, avoiding looking at Chris fully to put her attention on Leon.

He liked how pretty she looked tonight, that dress in particular fit her just right. Scratch that, she’s gorgeous tonight actually.

“I’m pretty sure you two have met before briefly when Chris came by the office once or twice,” Leon says, reaching over to grasp her hand when he sees her fidgeting a bit.
“Ah.. yeah briefly I believe! Maybe a few times before.” Chris says, smiling once with a small nod.
“I think so! Probably at the office was the last time… that I saw you,” She says in a softer tone when she watches Chris’ expression change when she lets Leon hold her hand. “It’s nice to see you again.”

Chris hopes she meant that.

She did but it was hard to be more sincere when it felt like the world was swallowing her whole right now. Chris was good at seeing how much he could push her, but she doesn’t want to let that show. She does her best to mimic Leon a bit, sitting up a bit straighter but also trying to relax her jaw. (Y/N) couldn’t believe this was happening, it was like something out of a bad romantic comedy.

More like a horror movie at this point.

Chris and Leon chat, briefing her on the bits of the mission that they could talk about. A lot of the things they witnessed and dealt with was classified information. She was only privy to so much.

Chris watches (Y/N) from the corner of his eye when she frees her hands from Leon to bring it under her chin and rest her arm on the table. If she was nervous, she was doing a pretty good job of hiding it. She eases herself into small talk like a pro, doing her best to not be too friendly. Acting like all the things she was hearing from Chris as new information.

In reality, she knew so much more about him. Intimate things. Like the sound he made when she kissed him on his neck, how those big hands felt around her throat. The way his breath became more ragged the closer he got to his climax.

The thoughts melt the tenseness in her body, but she excuses herself from the conversation. (Y/N) felt herself burning up thinking about Chris like that, the forbidden feelings bubbling up at the worst time. Her insides throb intensely, it was so hard to ignore those kinds of details in her mind when he’s sitting next to her.

“I’ll be right back,” (Y/N) says, slipping out of the chair and into the crowded floor of the bar.

“Oh god, I need to stop.” She thought, glancing back to look at both men having a laugh. “I need to concentrate!”

She desperately needed a glass of water, heading over to the bar to talk herself down about how turned on she was getting.

-o-

Chris leans back in his chair a bit, taking a big swig of his beer. Maybe if he could finish it quickly, he could dip out of here before she came back to the table. He hoped she wasn’t too angry with him, he didn’t mean to run into Leon. He was just too busy watching her from a distance when he felt the younger agent’s hand on his shoulder. Maybe he wanted Leon to see him, to get a chance to be a little close to her tonight.

While she was gone, they chatted about Leon being back to experience regular life again.

“It’s been an adjustment, I don’t blame her for being a little standoffish,” Leon says, tapping the table quietly to the beat of the music. “It wasn’t the kind of homecoming I was imagining but what can you do?”

The BSAA Captain’s eyebrow arches, his head tilting with just a bit of intrigue.
“Oh yeah?” Chris says, unsure if he should be asking these kinds of questions.

“Yeah… she came home late because she said she was here last night actually,” Leon murmured, looking into the crowd for any sign of (Y/N). “I basically wanted to surprise her when she came home but then it turned into a bit of a… hmm, how do I put it?”
Chris leans in a bit more, both elbows on the table to listen to what Leon was going to say.
“Well, we just kind of argued but it wasn’t anything too big of a deal. She was just acting so cold to me but like it makes sense, I was gone for a while.”

Chris tries to downplay his expression, he knew why she was acting out of character. He was basically the reason for her sudden frigidness. He nods his head while taking in what Leon said, taking time to scan the crowd for her.

“Well… 5 months is a long time to be away without much contact for a girl,” Chris says, feeling a bit annoyed when he sees some random guy talking to (Y/N) when she tries to come back to the table. “You mentioned you hadn’t been dating that long before you left. She’s got to be happy that you’re back.”

Chris almost believed himself when he said that, trying to stop the growing irritation when the random guy was getting almost a little too handsy with (Y/N).

Leon doesn’t react much to what Chris said, clearly distracted watching (Y/N) trying to brush off the guy’s advances. Chris was doing his best to control the need to get up and bring her back to the table himself.

But as soon as the thought enters his mind, Leon has already stood up to walk over to her. The older man watches Leon move in, the relief that washed over her pretty face when his presence makes the creep leave in an instant.

Leon leads her through the mess of people by holding her hand. She laughs at something he has said, the way Leon was looking at her right now made Chris feel funny.

Chris can feel his heartbeat pick up a bit, jealousy creeping in when he watches Leon basically stop amongst the crowd to plant a kiss on (Y/N)’s lips. Seeing the way her arms come around his neck to deepen the kiss. It was like nobody else was in the room with them. Chris sits more laxed in the chair, one elbow on the table to have his hand stroke his chin.

He thinks about how her mouth tastes, the way she matched his fervour in their first kiss. Chris watches how Leon pulls her in closer, her body seemingly fitting perfectly in his arms. She looks like she’s enjoying that kiss.

It's like a kill shot straight to his heart.

He laughs at himself for a moment when he felt a bit of envy, the young couple returning to sit with Chris.

“I have no right to be jealous.” He thought, seeing the glow on her face from both the alcohol and the kiss.

(Y/N)’s giggle subsides when she looks at Chris, his deep blue-grey eyes studying her expression of happiness. Leon sits but before she can sit in her own chair, he pulls her into his lap. (Y/N) cries out in surprise, trying to pull away from him but then settles. Playful flirting was apart of being a couple, but she felt embarrassed by how Chris was looking at her.

She knew what jealousy looked like, and she only hoped that Leon wouldn’t notice.

But he’s quick to point out Chris’ expression, the black cloud appearing over his head was apparent.

“What’s with the face? Don’t like public display?” Leon asks Chris abruptly, almost with a laugh. “You could get a girlfriend too, Redfield.”

Chris scoffs at the comment, seeing how Leon’s arm comes around her waist to hold her made him want to hit something. But then again, he had to remind himself that this was his friend, and this was his friend’s girlfriend.

He knew what it felt like to touch her skin, memories of what she was doing when she was in Chris’ lap helped curb his irritation.

“I was kind of seeing this one girl, but she’s got a boyfriend,” Chris states, watching (Y/N) keep her eyes steady on him as he spoke. “So, I’m kind of at a loss at what I should do.”

Her eyes almost plead for Chris to stop talking, shaking her head only a little. Chris ignores her stare to watch Leon bring his other hand up to rest on her leg. The dress has parted just enough for Leon to be able to touch her bare skin, Chris exhaling deeply to stop himself from becoming anymore annoyed.

Remembering how her skin felt beneath his hands is almost too much right now, he bites his knuckles once. The way her voice achingly floated into his ears when he filled her up.

Again, he reminded himself: “This is my friend, this is his girlfriend, and I have no right to be jealous at all.”

“If she isn’t available, you should go for someone else,” Leon says, stroking her thigh with a loving gentleness, turning to look at the crowd of people dancing. “You probably have first pick of any of these girls from right here, wouldn’t be hard.”

“Nah, I…” Chris stops for a moment, watching her doe eyes become a darker shade of (colour) when he speaks. “Just forget it.”

He trailed off, before quickly throwing back what was left of his beer. Dejection has now settled on his handsome face when he stands up to leave the table, watching as Leon whispers for her to move from his lap.

“I’ll get out of your guys’ hair, let you catch up and all that,” Chris says while shaking Leon’s hand, turning toward (Y/N) briefly. “It was nice seeing you… again.”

She gives a small nod, choosing to keep her eyes downcast.

He's off, not looking back. (Y/N) stares at his forlorn figure as he disappears into the crowd.

“I hope he’s ok.” she thought.

Leon quickly grabs a hold of her hand.

“Another drink maybe?” Leon asks, shaking her train of thought for a moment.
“Uhhh… sure.” She murmured with a tinge of sadness, trying her best to not look too disappointed.

Leon notices right away, even with a couple of beers in his system. He brings his hand under her chin to lift her face to his. He kisses her lightly to console her, lips soft and flush against hers.

“You’re sweet to be concerned but I wouldn’t worry too much about him,” Leon says, turning to leave to head back to the bar. “He’s always been kind of a womanizer or whatever anyways. He’d probably hate me even telling you that.”

Leon doesn’t wait for any kind of response from her, going back to the bar as she sinks back into her seat with a sigh.

(Y/N) didn’t mean to rub her relationship in Chris’ face but what else was she supposed to do? If she even brushed off Leon just a bit, it could trigger suspicion. Their argument earlier was almost the breaking point.

She tried to ignore the little angel on her shoulder basically chastising her with the words of “I told you so! These kinds of things aren’t meant to work in your favour!”

(Y/N) could only spread herself so thin in these kinds of scenarios. She didn’t want to see Chris tonight, not like this. She was still walking on thin ice and trying to find more solid footing. Seeing him made her almost lose even more control.

But when would she get a chance to see him again without having to basically sneak around?

(Y/N) quickly peeks over at Leon, he hadn’t even made it to the bar yet. He was stopped talking to a group of friends, giving her a chance to take a stroll around the bar. Maybe he hadn’t left yet, maybe she could sneak in one conversation. She slinks into the crowd with ease, looking around to see if Chris was still here.

She eventually comes to the hallway that led to the bathrooms, and the back door of the bar. There were people but they didn’t seem to linger here, choosing to socialize and drink. (Y/N) walks down the hall slowly with her arms crossed, not even knowing what she would do if Chris was here.

The last time she walked down here was to leave with him. It was dark and kind of dingy, why would anyone even hang out around here anyway? All the fun was on the other end.

“He's probably gone; I might as well just go back to the table.” She thought, a certain kind of melancholy falling on her as she turns around to head back to Leon.

Even when he wasn’t there, she couldn’t seem to find peace. (Y/N) felt so lost in her thoughts that she doesn’t notice the supply closet door creaking open just a bit.

-o-

Suddenly, a hand slips around her forearm to drag her into the closet. She gasps in surprise as the door shuts quickly. There was barely any space in here. The only light came from the small crack under the door. (Y/N) is pushed back up against the closet wall with just a bit of force, the smell of Chris’ cologne is undeniable.

“And what’s a nice girl like you wandering around here for?” He whispers with a teasing tone, hands coming around her waist to hold her closer to him. “If you asked me, I’d say you’re not doing a very good job of being nonchalant…”

She’s still trying to process the shock, feeling his hands slide from her waist to down her lower back and rest on her backside. (Y/N) braces herself against his chest, fingers almost digging into the fabric of the dress shirt he was wearing.

“I could say the same thing! Were you following me the whole time?” She whispers, his mouth hovering just above hers as she stands on the tips of her toes. “You’re pushing it, Chris… you really are.”

“I do this for a living (Y/N), you don’t think I know how to follow people without being seen?”

Before she can get a word in edgewise, Chris hastily brings his mouth down on hers. It wasn’t safe to be doing this here, but she can’t help herself from opening her mouth to let him kiss her even deeper. Chris’ wandering hands almost begin pulling up the hem of her dress. Her protests to stop are muffled by his mouth, her shaking hands coming down to try and stop his.

She manages to pull back a bit, both almost gasping for air when they finally break their kiss.

“We can’t be doing this here,” (Y/N) whispers breathlessly, “He’s probably wondering where I went.”
“Okay… okay, just one more kiss,” He pleads, his hands letting go of her dress to cup her face gently despite how hungry he was to keep going. “Give me one more-”

Chris’ mind jumps to lifting her up and fucking her against the wall. (Y/N) would probably be okay with it but he knows that’s not happening. Time and place. He almost can’t control himself, but through some miracle, he does.

(Y/N) happily obliges when he closes the distance between them again, drinking him in as much as she can before she had to leave. She couldn’t help it; she couldn’t control herself from wanting this. His hands wander her body, moving up from her waist to fondle her clothed breasts, squeezing just a bit too hard.

She moans softly into their kiss, her hands coming around his neck to tangle themselves in his short hair. Her moan encourages him to move his lips down the side of her neck, nipping and kissing every bit of her that he can. (Y/N’s) rapid heartbeat has moved in between her legs, the way she wanted him right now was mind-boggling.

Chris pulls away, a soft whimper leaving her mouth at the loss of his kiss. He didn’t want to stop but (Y/N) was right, Leon could be looking for her right now. He kisses her forehead once before turning away to open the closet just enough for him to peek out.

The cramped closet was starting to feel stuffy and hot. Chris can see the coast was clear for them to leave, hearing her catch her breath behind him.

“Okay, go now. I’ll go out through the back door.” He whispers, letting her slip past him to leave the closet.

(Y/N) turns to him when she leaves, standing in the dim light of the hallway. Chris notices her smudged lipstick, tapping his lips silently and hoping she understood. (Y/N) touches her mouth in response, and nods. He watches her take a quick dodge into the bathroom to fix herself.

He closes the door just a bit to give himself a moment before he leaves the closet.

Chris sighs in annoyance as he looks down at his crotch, he couldn’t exactly leave here with a raging hard-on.

-o-

Notes:

Yall are so nice, thank you! I am still working on this fic when I can, don't worry. I forever appreciate all your support and patience.

Chapter 4: Shattered

Summary:

After an eventful evening of forbidden kisses and chance meetings, (Y/N) isn't prepared for what's to come. Confessions, ones no one ever wants to hear. As the reality of (Y/N)'s betrayal sets in for her. The changes in her mentality has Leon wondering who this person in front of him is. The person he thought he knew has betrayed him in the worst possible way and he's walking in unaware. The sweet beginnings of their relationship have turned sour, and Leon is left to pick up the pieces of his broken heart.

Notes:

Sorry everyone! I'm so slow with updates as work is so busy right now! Enjoy!

She rushes into the bathroom with a smiley dazed look on her face, both her hands sit on the cool edge of the sink. Her breath was still caught in her throat, the rush of emotions making her heart race wildly. (Y/N)’s eyes stare back at her own face in the mirror, noticing the flush in her cheeks along with her slightly smeared lipstick. Her clothes are only a tad bit dishevelled, smoothing out the wrinkles in her dress before fixing her hair.

(Y/N) runs the sink, grabbing some paper towel nearby to use as a makeshift washcloth. She wipes the edge of her mouth with it, making quick work to fix up what was left of her lipstick. A shaking nervous laugh passes her lips when she thinks about what had happen, quickly washing her hands in the process.

To be caught off guard, again, by him was something she still wasn’t used to. He was full of surprises; it was hard to stay mad. (Y/N) thought she drew a clear line in the sand about this, feeling like she was the one in control. But here she found herself, chasing and jumping for whatever little morsel of attention he’d dangle in front of her.

“I am truly… pathetic.”

The drunken smile slowly fades to an empty expression as she stares down at her hands, looking back up when the bathroom door opens. A group of drunk girls interrupt her thoughts, the carefree laughs echoing throughout the room. She takes one last look at herself before breathing out deeply to settle the nerves.

She exits the bathroom, noticing the closet was completely left open. Chris was already gone. (Y/N) walks back down the hallway and into the main bar area again, the music getting louder as she made her way back to her table. Leon was still chatting, it seems like he never made it to the bar.

(Y/N) watches him throw his head back to laugh hard, clearly enjoying himself among all his friends. His kind personality attracts everyone, he’s lovable, sweet and trustworthy. The light that radiates from Leon is almost too bright, feeling like it showed all the cracks in her soul. It used to make her feel warm, like it was healing every part of her that she hated.

But now it made her realize how awful she was. Not just as a girlfriend, but as a person.

She decides to walk over to him, seeing him notice her from the corner of his eye.

“And there is my beautiful girl!” He says, grinning wide. “Sorry for not getting those drinks yet.”

(Y/N) shakes her head with a soft smile, not feeling like she could handle another anyway. He continues his conversation with his friends, people she had already met. It’s like the world fades, her ears tuning out the noise of everyone else so she could just focus on Leon. The charisma oozes from him so easily, every part of his body aiding in his story. The laughter that erupts around her breaks her trance, feeling his arm come around her once more.

He chats just a bit more, before breaking away from the group to walk back to the table with (Y/N). They don’t speak, his arm staying around her middle. She feels his eyes on her face. Leon’s stare was so deliberate that she felt like she was being smouldered. (Y/N) keeps her eyes forward, hoping he didn’t notice the big lump she had swallowed.

A shiver rolls down her spine, the hair on the back of her neck standing up when his lips come against the shell of her ear.

“Do you… do you want to get out of here?” He asks, pulling her body to face his in a gentle embrace.

His voice echoes around in her head in repeated motions, making the adrenaline start up slowly in her veins. The haunted memories of when they would leave parties early perks up in her brain, the need of fevered intimacy made those decisions happen all that much faster. The way they almost didn’t make it to the bedroom of their now shared apartment when they first hooked up was a good memory despite everything.

“Yeah.”

-o-
After a round of goodbyes, they exit the bar together. His hand gives her a bit of a squeeze as they walk back to his car, the cool breeze feeling refreshing on their skin.

“Are you sure you can drive?” She asks, watching Leon smile loosely.
“Are you implying we should take a cab home?”

(Y/N) full stops to look at Leon, he wasn’t wobbling. She trusted him, and if he felt like he could than she wasn’t going to stop him. He was probably more sober than she was.

“Whatever you want to do!” She says, feeling him step closer to hold her again.
“I only had two drinks,” Leon answers, kissing her forehead. “I’m good.”

They continue walking together, the parking lot was still full. He walks her to the passenger side of the car to open the door, letting her slip in and sit down before shutting it. As Leon walks around to the driver side, she searches the parking lot to see if Chris was still around.

His vehicle was there but it was empty. Maybe he was still inside. Thank God.

She sighs in relief, the poise that was needed to make it through this evening was truly award winning. Leon gets into the car, starting it and whispering for her to make sure her seatbelt was on. He pulls out of the parking lot and drives off to head back to their place, his hand coming back to rest on her thigh again.

Familiarity settles in, and for the first time tonight, she felt like she could just relax. Leon turns to her slightly, giving her the softest smile.
-o-

They laugh on the way up to their place, reminiscing on the past times of stumbling home after a couple of drinks. The door opens and closes with a soft thud, the breeze from the open patio window rolling in to cool their apartment. They stop at the entrance to take off their shoes and coats. She drops her purse next to her abandoned strappy heels, sighing in relief when she could be barefoot again.

“I think that’s when I asked you to move in with me.” Leon says, helping (Y/N) take off her jacket.
“Was it?” (Y/N) says, leaning back against the wall and watching him hang up their coats. “I feel like that was such a long time ago…”
“Does it really feel like that long ago?” he asks.

Silence. It only takes the smallest pebble to make a slight crack appear in their future.

Maybe a half truth, they hadn’t been dating for long before Leon left. He turns around to face her, leaning back against the closet door to shut it. They stare at each other, the sound of the city seeping into the apartment makes the silence between them more obvious. She crosses her arms to try and hide her awkwardness, turning away a bit from his stare.

“I… sorry,” She whispers, not knowing how to respond to his question. “I don’t mean it in a bad way…”

There are so many pauses in between the minutes of their conversations now, it was hard to gauge any kind of reaction from him. (Y/N) doesn’t know if she should move or say anything. Sometimes it felt so easy; to slip back into routine but now with the heaviness on her conscience, it was harder to act “normal”.

He brushes past her to make his way into the kitchen, she keeps her head turned away. (Y/N) felt uncomfortable with the silence but she didn’t know what she should say.

“Ya know… I get it,” Leon says, cracking open a beer he got from the fridge. “Time apart made things weird huh?”

He goes to sit on the couch in the living room, a deep sigh leaving his mouth when he leans back into the soft cushions. She wets her top lip before speaking, hoping her voice wouldn’t break.

“I… I wouldn’t say weird but it’s…” She whispers, going into the kitchen to also get a drink. “An adjustment among a lot of other things.”

(Y/N) walks over to the couch, choosing to sit closer to the opposite side rather than right next to him.

“Sure, among other things…” He repeats, shaking his head slightly with a soft laugh.

They drink in silence. (Y/N) felt like he was looking right through her, like he could see every bit of ugliness under her skin. Maybe he knew and was just waiting for her to confess? Maybe he just wanted to pull the carpet out from under her when she least expected it? The elephant in the room wasn’t really discussed in depth. They went out and enjoyed themselves in public.

She couldn’t exactly tell him why she was mentally and emotionally crumbling back at the bar. Did he see her wander off to find Chris? Did Leon know there was something there between them? Maybe one of his friends saw her with him before Leon was home? The gears in her head were turning faster than she wanted.

Paranoia about everything sinks in just a bit deeper.

She has one elbow resting on the arm of the couch, the back of her hand wiping the beer from her lips. Back at the bar, she didn’t even want another drink but now it was the one thing keeping her from exploding into a tirade of confessions. Leon studies her, the way her continual leg shake vibrates the coffee table as she continues to stay lost in her own world. Her body is so tense at this moment that he wondered if it was him making her uncomfortable.

“Do you want me to leave?” He asks bluntly, making her turn her head and face him with a startled expression.
“No? Why would you even ask that?” She says, voice coming out almost too confrontational.
“Well because you’ve been so out of it all night, and it’s hard to keep a conversation with you when you’re not here.”

She almost laughs, taking a quick drink again before speaking.

“I’m not here? Funny coming from the guy who left for 5 months. Me being a little… off doesn’t equate to not being here.”

He turns to her with widened eyes, an almost hurt look on his face when she speaks.

“Hey! That’s not what I meant, and you know that! It’s not fair to bring that up like this like I made that choice…”

She stops herself from saying anything more, lashing out was going to make this worse.
“I…You’re right... Sorry,” she whispers, “I… I just… never mind.”

He doesn’t say anything, throwing back the rest of his drink. Leon exhales out through his nose, and that was the signal to (Y/N) that he was just a bit irritated.

“Pump the brakes, idiot.” She thought, chewing the inside of her cheek.

The frustration is building, the couch creaking when he re-adjusts his sitting position. It was amazing how well the night had gone, feeling like she could relax and enjoy herself. They kissed, they held each other, they played around like they use to. But here they were, opposites trying to make things work. (Y/N) wished she could just redo the last 20 minutes of tonight, anything to try and make things feel normal again.

But she can’t, feeling the deep need to tell him about kissing Chris tonight but the rational part of her brain grabs whatever pride she has left to stay silent. Maybe in some kind of sick way, she could push him away without having to tell the truth. Leon could sense something was up with her all night tonight, despite how she tried to play it off.

“I’m pathetic, I’m awful, I’m nothing.” She thinks, finishing the rest of her drink.

(Y/N) swallows it down along with the smallest sob that wanted to escape her, tightening the muscles in her throat to keep it in there. She would hate for him to think that he made her cry, but how could she tell him it was her own doing. The way she wanted to lose herself in his arms, to go rewind time enough to not say the wrong thing.

To feel the way she felt before, to keep that kind of hope in her heart alive. (Y/N) remembers the eagerness of wanting to see him every day after he left. The way the world looked like it had a shiny sparkly filter on her life, just for it to fade slowly and have her clinging to someone else. But it’s too easy to blame distance on her decision. Just like it’s also too easy to blame loneliness after she found herself in the arms of another man.

The only thing she could blame was herself.

She turns to Leon, wondering if he still thought of her as a picture-perfect girl. He moves closer to her, his leg pressed against hers. (Y/N) feels herself being pulled into his lap, cradling her in his arms. She can’t look at him, feeling his hand come under her chin to turn her head to his.

“I don’t want to fight,” Leon says, doing his best to keep his eyes on hers. “I just feel like you’re being standoffish still.”
“Leon…it’s not like-”
“Listen to me,” he says, interrupting her. “If you want me to leave I can, but I just-”

Leon watches her eyes shimmer over with unshed tears, feeling her trembling in his lap. He knows something is wrong, but he can’t put his finger on what it could be. The faint mark on her neck is just a bit more obvious in this lighting when she turns away. (Y/N) shakes her head at his words before leaning into his chest a bit more. He holds her bridal style, his arms hooking under her bent knees.

He feels a wave of questions coming up, but he calms himself.

A soft sob escapes, she couldn’t hold it in anymore. Perhaps she just needed to cry about it, anything to stop herself from having to be honest. To just let out some steam so she could regain some self-control. She gasps in surprise when she suddenly feels him lift her up to carry her from the couch to their bedroom.

“No, Leon…” She whispers, sniffling. “You don’t-“

He ignores her, carrying her in his arms to their bedroom. Leon was trying to keep himself composed when the questions he had about everything began forming on his tongue, he needed time to think. (Y/N) feels so light in his arms, sniffling with every step he took.

“I feel like maybe you need to sleep,” He whispers, lowering her onto the plush covers gently. “We can talk in the morning…”

She feels her heart racing, wondering what he was thinking. (Y/N) looks up at him, standing next to the edge of the bed. His eyes search her face, one hand coming up to brush some of the tears away. Leon needed some time to calm down. He wasn’t trying to be angry, but it was frustrating that she was still acting weird. Especially after their talk earlier in the day.

“Go to sleep, ok?” He whispers, turning from her to leave the bedroom. “I’ll give you some space.”

Before she can utter another word, the bedroom door closes gently. Leaving her to wallow in this pit of despair she created, wondering if she gave herself away by crying. (Y/N) stifles her panic but it creeps into her nervous system like water flooding a ship. Her breathing is shaky, feeling suddenly so warm. She loosens some of the top buttons on her dress, feeling the desperate need for water.

She does her best to control her breathing, taking slow and deep breaths. Panicking was only going to make it worse. Control, she needed to stay in control. She smooths her hair just a bit before she stands up from the bed. Maybe he’s right, she needed to sleep. But first a glass of water to cool her down.

(Y/N) makes her way to the door and quietly opens it.

The couch was empty, but the light from the bathroom was on. She creeps into the kitchen for a glass, turning on the sink to fill her glass with water. It can’t come to her mouth any quicker, drinking it down with deep gulps. Feeling a bit of water trinkle down the sides of her mouth when she places the glass gently in the sink. Before she heads back to the bedroom, she scrambles to find her purse.

She could still feel some tears ready to fall from her eyes, but she was doing her best to keep herself from outwardly making any noise. The emotional baggage was so heavy now, and she continued to mentally beat herself for wanting to desperately text Chris. Anything to stop herself from wanting to scream her confession out loud.

She needed advice from the person who was in this mess with her.

In the dark, she searches the front entrance area. Her purse sits on the floor near her shoes, taking it into her hand and heading back into the bedroom. The shower has turned on, it gave her a bit of time to debate on her situation. (Y/N) is so conflicted, feeling every part of her body wanting to fess up to Leon at this very moment.

She closes the bedroom door, dropping her purse onto her vanity and digging in it for her phone. (Y/N)’s heart rattles in her chest when she sees a new text notification, straightening up before opening it. She reads it with anticipation, her emotions suddenly floating up from despair to glee.

(Y/N) felt lucid, smiling but feeling tears sliding down her face. She didn’t care that he texts her first, it was something she needed right now.

“I wish we had a bit more time tonight. Please don’t be mad.”

(Y/N) puts the phone down, noticing her reflection in the mirror. The contrast of her tear-stained face with the slight elated smile. How could she continue to be like this? Choosing to let herself rot on the inside. Her phone beeps, catching her attention. She’s still sniffly, removing her dress and letting it fall to the floor in a small pile. (Y/N) climbs into bed, letting the plush covers swallow her.

“You’re all I’m thinking about right now.”

A faint smile pulls at the corner of her mouth, comfort floating into her chest. She was stumbling up this crumbly path, but Chris’ hand was steady in helping her back up. Maybe she can make it work. She had to make it work, just long enough for her to get the courage to admit that she needed to tell Leon everything. Even if the end isn’t pretty, she could suffer a bit more if it meant Chris was there too.

“Ditto… but I need to talk to you.” She texts back, tired eyes feeling the gentle tug of sleep. “I feel like he knows.”

“Really? Is everything ok?” He texts back so quickly, she wondered if he was just waiting on her the whole time.
“I feel like I’m going to break Chris, I feel like I’m being pulled apart.”
“I wish I could do more for you than this.”

She smiles, wiping her face with her hand.

“Try to sleep and maybe we can talk tomorrow in the morning.” He texts back, funny how his advice was the same as Leon’s.
“Ok… I’ll try, but please… remember! Don’t text me first.”

She slips her phone facedown under her pillow, laying on her back to try and let her body drift off to slumber. Leon also wanted her to rest, she needed to if they were going to talk tomorrow.

“I’m pathetic, I’m awful, I’m nothing.” Were the last thoughts in her head before she fell asleep.

-o-

The cold shower helped, wrapping the fluffy white towel around his waist. He lays back on the couch, wanting to wait for her to fall asleep before going into the bedroom. Leon wanted to sleep next to her, but he wanted to give her some time to collect herself.

He felt like she was shutting him out. Feeling like the more he pushed for closeness, the more it felt like she was pulling away from him. He lays back against the couch cushions, arms behind his head as he stares at the ceiling. He never wanted her to feel trapped, never wanted her to feel like she needed to stay when he wasn’t here.

They had had that talk early in their relationship.

The idea of him having to drop everything for work was something they would have to encounter sooner or later.

It's easy to say yes to something that hasn’t happened yet, maybe they were too naïve about everything in the first place. Leon never fell for someone so hard before and perhaps that was the reason he was persuading her to agree with this lifestyle. The attraction between them was so quick to spark, that he would make plenty of excuses to go to her office floor to see her. She was subtle at first, lightly touching his arm and keeping it there longer and longer each time he came by.

He asked her out after some pushing from his friends, tired of him being like a lovesick puppy for this girl at the office. Leon had joked about it tonight with some of his friends, gushing about how happy he was to be back with (Y/N).

It didn’t take long for them to start dating either, sleeping together after their third date.

She was so shy, that he couldn’t believe how loud she could get when he got her alone. How every bit of her skin felt under his hands when she was beneath him was something he thought about often when he was gone. He scolded himself immediately for even thinking about how it felt to be in-between her thighs at this moment.

Her teary face came to mind. Leon had never seen her cry this much before.

It was hard for him to admit that he felt a bit uneasy. Scared that maybe there was something that she was hiding. Maybe he was right about what he had mentioned to her earlier during their first confrontation. Maybe she wanted to end things but was feeling guilty about waiting till he got back.

Leon started to think of all the scenarios she could be in that she would try to hide. Maybe she was just unhappy? Maybe there was someone else?

But he stops himself from building up that idea in his head.

He closes his eyes for a moment, the breeze from the patio helping calm his nerves. Leon wanted to go into the bedroom to lay next to her, fighting the thought of her squirming in pleasure beneath him. To let himself indulge in that closeness that they had had before but he didn’t want to continue to push her. (Y/N) was probably still hurt by the lack of contact, by the worry of not knowing what he was doing or when he was coming back.

It must have been hard.

He opens his eyes, feeling a small knot in the pit of his stomach. This nagging feeling had snaked its way into his bones the minute he came home, and she wasn’t here. It wasn’t like her to stay out late let alone go out at all. (Y/N) was a homebody, preferring date nights at home or at places like the café down the street. He always trusted her to do the right thing.

But to think that she went to Jack’s and stayed out late had him wondering how much had changed since he had been gone. But maybe the time alone forced her to be more social, she did have friends at the office that asked her to come out once and awhile. Leon was often her excuse to say “No.” more than he could count.

The idea of her being at a place like that with those kinds of guys at BSAA there was also something that made Leon feel a bit nauseated. He didn’t stay friends with those types at that office, besides Chris. Most of them had wives and a girlfriend or two on the side, it wasn’t a crowd he wanted to be attached to. Especially because (Y/N) was so shy to begin with, he didn’t want to put any kind of idea in her head that he might be like them too.

She wasn’t that type of girl. She wasn’t into those types either. But things can change and that scared him more than anything. Leon had been gone, with no contact. (Y/N) trusted him, and he trusted her. He stops himself again, trying to keep himself from jumping to conclusions.

Leon sits up, quietly making his way over to their bedroom and pressing his ear against the door.

It was silent. Maybe she was asleep now.

He opens the door, making the slightest creaking noise when he slips into the bedroom. It’s dark, but with the light from outside peeking in from the window, he can see she is asleep. The moonlight bathes the bed in a blueish hue with her laying there like a sleeping doll. Leon admires her from a distance, noticing her dress on the floor.

She’s wrapped in the covers, thin limbs peeking out from how haphazardly she slept in the middle of the bed. He moves slowly, quietly making his way around the other side of the bed to slip in next to her. (Y/N) lets out the softest sigh when Leon lays his head down on the pillow next to hers. He notices the slight dampness on her pillow, even in the moonlight he could see the faintest bit of tear stains on her face.

(Y/N) is beautiful. The way her facial features relaxed under the blissful cover of sleep, how her mouth parts just slightly as she breathes in. Leon lays there, gently brushing a strand of hair from her face. The thought of her tangled up in bed with him the first time floods his mind, cherished memories he would never admit to her. He didn’t want to be mushy, but he cared about her a lot.

Being away made him really realize that. He didn’t want to lose her.

He pulls the blankets up a bit more to cover her naked shoulders, seeing the faintest smile on her face now. Leon strokes her cheek softly, feeling his eyes becoming heavy. Right before he falls asleep, he notices her slightly open eyes looking into his.

“I wanted to sleep next to you.” He whispers, moving just a bit closer to her. “I hope that’s ok.”

She nods and keeps her eyes on him before feeling them close again. (Y/N) doesn’t mind at all, the feel of Leon’s warm body helps lull her back to sleep, while the thought of Chris fills her dreams again. Nothing made sense any more.

-o-

Chris stays in his car, parked in front of his place but not wanting to go in yet. He had text her; after agreeing to not text her first but he couldn’t help it. Seeing her leave with Leon also didn’t help quell the urge either.

“Ditto… but I need to talk to you.”

Kissing her tonight, having her in his arms and then her telling him she was also thinking about him gives him the slightest ache in his chest. The idea of her at home in bed with Leon makes his stomach flip, especially at the idea of him knowing what had happened. What would Chris do now? What can he do right now besides send some comforting words? He’s the older one, he should know better.

He tries to stamp out the budding anger but thinking about how blatant Leon was with (Y/N) in his lap only makes it boil up. The mocking tone of “You could get a girlfriend too!” comes back to mind.

Chris stops. He couldn’t be jealous, he knew what this was. Chris did this before, many times but not like this. It wasn’t like him to actually get to know the girl before he slept with her, but that wasn’t his intention when he spoke to her the first time. He never thought this could happen, that he could fall for someone who’s attached to someone he knew personally.

She did something to him that made him want to explore other parts of himself. It wasn’t fair to her at all, but he couldn’t stop himself. He didn’t want to pressure her either. Chris could slap himself.

Infatuation at its finest.

Chris hoped to God that in due time that he would get over (Y/N), to be able to shut her out of his senses as soon as she came rushing in. He didn’t want to make her choose; nor continue to put her in any more of a dire situation. The older man understood this was just leading to self destruction. Recovery from any of this was going to be difficult, and if Leon did know then there was no repairing that friendship.

This was already beyond what he could handle, but breaking up his friend’s relationship to swoop in and take his girl wasn’t something he wanted to do. Least that’s what he tries to tell himself. He exits his car, opening the front door of his house to try and sort himself out. Chris rubs his temples with both hands, breathing out hard as he locked the front door. He had to get to bed soon, tomorrow was another day of early meetings. On a Sunday no less too.

He didn’t want to stay out too late but seeing her tonight did make him happy, even if it was just for a moment.

Chris kicks off his shoes, making his way to his bathroom to get ready for bed. He stands in front of the mirror as he undresses, noticing the remnants of lipstick just near the collar of his shirt. He smiles as he pulls it off himself, the faintest scent of her perfume floats through the air. Chris didn’t consider himself a sentimental guy but instead of tossing the shirt into the laundry bin, he took it with him to his bedroom.

He opens his closet door, grabbing a hanger. Chris hangs the shirt on it, placing it in the closet.

Just for tonight, something he could look at when he woke up at an ungodly hour for work. He finishes up his nighttime routine, getting into bed and glancing at the closet as he does. He lays back against the plush pillows, thinking about how her body was pressed up against his in that closet back at Jack’s.

The lipstick marked shirt hanging in the closet as a reminder that he didn’t imagine it. Remembering her warm mouth against his, the way her hands felt in his hair. He’d do his best to keep this secret safe, he knew he was beginning to care about her. For as long as he could remember, he hadn’t felt this way in a long time about someone else. Chris feels a smile forming on his lips, closing his eyes in hopes that sleep would come quickly. He only hoped that maybe she’d come visit him in his dreams.

If she was scared, he’d do his best to take care of it. He just didn’t want to let go yet.

-o-

She opens her sleepy eyes, curled up against Leon. The sunlight drips into the room, creeping up on the foot of the bed. (Y/N) stretches a bit, feeling better rested today as opposed to how she woke up yesterday. Leon is still sleeping soundly; he was probably dead tired. This was probably the longest he had slept in one night for some time, missions don’t care about broken sleep.

(Y/N) pulls the covers up gently to keep him comfortable, admiring the way his dishevelled hair laid against the pillows. How can someone be so handsome just sleeping?

(Y/N) does her best to slip out of bed without disturbing him, making sure to grab her phone from beneath her pillow. She makes her way out of the bedroom, tiptoeing into the bathroom and turning on the shower. It was still early, just passed 8 a.m. when she glanced at her phone. No new messages but that’s okay, she was the only one who was supposed to message first anyway. Maybe he’d actually listen to her now.

She removes whatever is left of her clothing, stepping into the warm shower. Perfect temperature. (Y/N) takes her time, letting the smell of her shampoo relax her senses. Sunday mornings used to be their favourite, choosing to wake up late and go for brunch.

But this was just as good too. A moment to herself, to take time and care to pamper her sore muscles. The warm spray of the water alleviates the aches in her neck and shoulders, a deep sigh leaving her lips. As (Y/N) conditions her hair, she lets her mind wander. Morsels of memories flooding her brain when she thinks of all the things she had done with Leon.

Especially, all the bad things she had done to him lately.

She didn’t want to hide anymore, but she also didn’t know how she could make things work. Was it worth playing with fire anymore? (Y/N) was sure she still cared for Leon, deep down she knew she did. It was burning her up, and it was burning Leon too. He wasn’t even aware of what kind of fire she started, and her lies continued to stoke the flames higher.

The idea of being able to hide this and keep them both was always there, floating in the back of her mind. It’s selfish.

God, she was greedy.

(Y/N) never viewed herself as attractive and she knew she wasn’t ugly. If anything, she never saw herself as having any desirable qualities. But here she was, pulled in the middle of two men that were vying for every bit of her. Leon being an unknowing and most likely unwilling participant in this fucked up love triangle.

Even still, she found it was hard not to feel a bit of pride in that kind of attention. She knew she was awful. The idea of being in Leon’s shoes takes the prideful feeling down a notch.

(Y/N) finishes up by squeezing the water from her hair. Turning off the shower and reaching for her fluffy robe that was hanging off the hook on the door. She looks at herself in the fogged-up mirror, taking the hand towel on the counter and wiping it against the mirror. Just enough to be able to see her own face. Her eyes don’t lie, the weight of everything laid bare in how dark they seemed now.

Leon did want to talk today, maybe it was time to be honest. The hours leading up to this conversation had been tricky to navigate but now it was time to fess up. What was going to happen now? Every time she felt like she was getting her balance back, the weight would only get heavier.

Some of that weight could be let go today. Least that’s what she told herself.

-o-

Leon laid in bed far longer than he planned to, but he couldn’t find the strength to get up yet. The sound of the birds chirping outside and the feeling of the warm sunshine dripping in from the window onto his skin felt comforting. He hears her in the kitchen, the smell of coffee floating into the bedroom lifts his senses. He was rested but he still felt so tired.

He takes his time getting up and getting dressed. Choosing something comfy to wear since they didn’t have plans to go anywhere today.

Besides trying to figure out what was happening between them, a needed and heavy conversation. He wasn’t looking forward to it, and all night he dreamed of worse and worse scenarios. He wanted to crawl back into bed but that would probably only make his paranoia worse. The less he knew about what she was thinking, the more the anxiety grew about what was to come.

He comes out of the bedroom quietly, her back to him as she fiddles with the coffee machine.

“I know I don’t make coffee as good as you but,” she says, turning to face him with a cheery expression. Two cups of coffee are in her hands, placing both on the kitchen island. (Y/N) carefully sliding one mug closer to him. “It’s been a while since I’ve used the machine, I’m so use to instant.”

Leon almost half smiles, feeling her curious eyes on him but then moving away the moment he tries to catch her gaze.

“Thanks.” He whispers, bringing the mug to his lips to blow on it.

He takes one sip, brows furrowing just a bit. It tasted bitter.

(Y/N) drops her shoulders in defeat at his expression, an exasperated sigh leaving her mouth as she dumps her coffee into the sink.

“Sorry,” she says, rinsing her mug. “Don’t drink it.”

Leon shakes his head, taking another sip before placing the mug back down on the counter. She’s scrunching the front tie of her fluffy bathrobe in her hands nervously, eyes just a tad downcast.

“Add a little milk and it’s fine.” He says.

The stillness that enters the room feels so cold. It’s uncomfortable, watching her fidget a bit before making her way to sit on the couch. (Y/N) keeps her back to him, feeling the way his eyes decipher her mood. She tries to keep her stature soft, but the stress keeps her entire body rigid. Whatever relaxation and massage (Y/N) did for herself in the shower was fruitless, she could already feel the knots in her shoulders coming back.

(Y/N) chooses silence, unable to find a way to make this feeling less awkward. It used to be easy to talk about anything with him. Now it was like pulling teeth.

Leon couldn’t handle it anymore; it was like she was walking on eggshells around him. Did she think he was that soft-hearted? That he couldn’t handle a tough conversation. He had had break-up conversations before too, it’s not like this would be his first one. Leon was scared but he’d feel worse not having this conversation. His job forced him to risk his personal safety more times than he could count. If she wasn’t going to say anything, then he would.

“I feel like you’re not telling me something.”

He watches her straighten up, abandoning the coffee and making his way to kneel on the floor in front of her. Their eyes meet, searching for any kind of hint from each other. (Y/N) felt her heartbeat pick up, his gaze felt intense and unwavering at this moment.

“You’re not being the you that I know,” he says, feeling his pulse quicken as well. “Something’s changed.”

(Y/N) swallows the worry quickly. The chains on her heart loosened just enough for her to utter a few words.

“What makes you say that?”
“Because I know you…” He whispers, feeling her flinch when his hands come to grasp hers. “I know when you’re hiding something from me.”

Every bit of whatever strength she had left began to crumble, the shaking breath that left her lungs made her mouth feel dry. His touch was warm, patient and certain. Like he was trying to coax whatever vulnerability he could from her aching bones. (Y/N) felt herself trembling just a bit, his hands tightening their hold on hers gently.

His eyes stay on hers. (Y/N) could see whatever spark he had in his eyes was gone in that instant, only shards of something fragile stayed. It was an emotion she couldn’t find a word for, but it hovered in the air between them.

“Leon…” She whispers. “I need to-“

His phone rings from their bedroom loudly enough that it startles them both. (Y/N) drops her eyes from his, the phone continuing to ring. Her head begins to turn slightly in the direction of the bedroom, but Leon brings his hand under her chin to bring her focus back to him.

“Keep going,” He murmurs, watching her blink once and nod her head. “Forget the phone.”

This was the moment, the anticipation of her confession dancing on the tip of her tongue. Leon kneels closer, knuckles coming to stroke the side of her face tenderly. The words she had rehearsed over and over in her brain didn’t come out the way she thought, her tongue feeling frozen in her mouth. The gentleness in his touch feels more like razors grazing her skin, (Y/N) felt herself begin to shake.

He stops his hand, moving himself from the floor to sit next to her. (Y/N) lets out a shaking laugh, a mixture of emotions bubbling up at this moment. It was all happening so fast despite how much she was digging her heels in to stop herself from tumbling. She doesn’t know how to act, how to control any part of herself. It’s like the world loses all sound, only hearing his voice.

“I’ve felt it since I’ve come home,” He whispers, keeping his eyes on her face, even though she refuses to turn to him. “Even at the bar I felt it… you’re not being you.”

(Y/N) takes a deep quivering breath, her open hands now closing into tight fists that stay glued to her knees. She tries to form a sentence with her lifeless tongue, nothing seems to happen.

“I don’t know what happened, but you need to talk to me, please,” He whispers, watching her eyes glass over with tears. “Please talk to me.”

She shakes her head to quell the panic, trying to stand up but he grabs her wrist to prevent her from moving. (Y/N) stares down at his hand and then to him, instantly feeling a sob well in her throat. It’s too much, she suddenly felt so faint.

“Leon…” She mumbles, trying to tug her arm away from his grasp but he’s still. “I just-“

“You just what?!” He says in a sterner tone. “You’re not going to just walk away from this. You can’t just keep avoiding whatever it is you need to tell me (Y/N)!”

The illusion is gone, after all the things they had been through together. The sweet beginnings slowly becoming sour when he had to leave. It was her fault; it was all her fault. His heart was breaking into a million pieces, feeling a sudden sense of dread.

“Tell me what you did!” He says as his hand grips her wrist just a bit tighter.

She can’t handle it, breaking down into a puddle of tears right at this very moment. (Y/N) couldn’t do it anymore.

“I slept with someone else.”

His hold on her wrist loosens. Everything seems to happen in slow motion now as the tension in the air becomes so thick that it’s hard to breathe. They stare at each other, her cheeks the faintest bit of red. Leon’s breathing picks up, eyes rapidly moving back and forth like he’s trying to make sense of everything at this moment. Trying desperately to piece together this fucked up puzzle.

“You… you.. no,” he says, hands coming to run through his hair. “No, you’re lying.”

Right then and there was her façade breaking, she couldn’t hold it in anymore. Not like this.

The idea of her being with someone else this whole time was agonizing and life shattering. Picturing her tangled up with another the whole time he had been away. Scenes of explicit things flooded his mind, images of her with a faceless person. He felt sick, suddenly so angry and dizzy all at once.

But it made sense, the rational part of his brain could piece together all the happenings since he’d been home. Feeling the breakdown happening in her when she kissed him, how hollow she felt when he held her. It was there, plain as day and he was so blind at everything.

Who was this person in front of him?

“I just can’t… no no no.” he says, he can’t believe it.

His hands come to hold her face, feeling himself almost at the verge of tears. Maybe she was playing some kind of sick joke. One that would drive a bigger wedge in between them to make him leave. (Y/N) is flushed and crying, teeth sinking into her bottom lip so hard to keep her cries in.

Leon tries to look into her eyes, but she could barely see him through her tears, it was too late to stop herself now.

“Tell me you’re lying,” he says with a sorrowful tone. “You wouldn’t…”

“I’m sorry.”

She pulls away from him to stand, watching his form trembling on the couch. He can’t erase it now, replaying the idea of her kissing someone. Not wanting to imagine the words (Y/N) spoke to another person. (Y/N) felt like running at this moment, quickly making her way to the bedroom to grab a duffle bag. It just felt like she had her heart removed and replaced with an iron block, and thinking about how hurt Leon was now only made it feel heavier.

(Y/N) crams some essentials and clothes into the bag, quickly stripping off the robe to change into a simple t-shirt and jeans. She wasn’t even sure where she could go but she couldn’t take being here anymore. It was better off to leave now then to continue this conversation. What was done was done. The emotional bomb she dropped had shrapnel hitting every part of Leon, hearing her packing up a bag.

He stands up and rushes to the bedroom, standing in the doorframe. Essentially blocking her from leaving. Leon stares at her, the mess of clothes spilling out from her bag. He wanted answers, he needed an explanation from her. The hurt was unimaginable, the nightmares from last night came to be true. Even if it made the pain worse, he needed closure.

“When… when did this happen?” he asks, watching her sit defeated on the edge of the bed.

She sighs, trying to stop crying before speaking.

“Does it really matter when or-“
“If you ever fucking cared about me at all in this… then you would tell me,” He states with a trembling voice. “Instead of continuing to lie to me.”

(Y/N) takes a breath before getting up to gather things on her vanity to take with her.

“Right before you came back,” she says, voice quivering, “Only once.”

He scoffs, noticing the instant change in her demeanour. Once? If she was willing to try and hide it this whole time, he doubted it was once.

“Yeah right once!” he says, arms crossing his chest as he leans against the door frame. “Who was it…?”

She has her back to him, but he can see her reflection in the vanity mirror. (Y/N) had tears falling but there weren’t any verbal sounds of crying. She lifts her head to look at him in the mirror, the hurt on his face was something she had never seen before. God, she just wished she could take everything back. Holding back only made this worse but there was no relief in confessing.

(Y/N) needed to leave, the need for fresh air had her lungs begging her to run away. Leon stands there, baby blue eyes on the verge of crying.

“It was only once and it doesn’t matter now.”

She doesn’t say anything more, the only sounds coming from her direction was from her zipping up her bag. She pulls the strap of the duffle bag over her shoulder, standing in front of Leon. He continues to block the way, his phone ringing one more time. It was probably the office calling to see if he could come in, but there was no way he could focus on anything besides this right now.

(Y/N) keeps her eyes on the floor, almost too embarrassed now to look at him.

“Move please,” She whispers, hand tightening around the strap of her bag. “I can come back for the rest of my things later.”

“No, tell me who it was!”

Her head lifts in shock at his response, her guilty eyes meeting his. Leon looked defeated, sick and tired. He was angry, but not confrontational that she felt afraid. He was never the explosive anger type; she was never fearful of him being that kind of guy. He just looked like an empty shell at that moment. They were treading unknown water together, and she decided that now she should sink and let him swim. It was too painful to keep lying, and she felt like a fool for thinking she could keep this up long term.

“Please…” she whispers, keeping in the tears. “Please move.”
“Why did you do it?” He asks bluntly, ignoring her words asking him to move aside.
“I don’t know… I don’t have one reason, move please…” Her voice was becoming thinner.
“Why did you do this to me?”

Her heart fell into the pit of her stomach. Selfish reasons were why she did it. (Y/N) could say she was bored, that she was lonely, that she was weak and stupid. There was nothing that she could say now that could fix anything she did. What was the point in trying to narrow it down?

“Because it just happened and I was there and he… I was stupid…and” she rambles, crying again. “I didn’t think at all about it until it happened.”

“But you had plenty of time in between when it was happening to stop… and to fucking tell me!” he snapped. “You… you could have just told me, (Y/N).”

He comes closer, hands coming down on her shoulders to hold her in place.

He is torn between wanting her to leave and wanting to just smother her in his arms. (Y/N) was frozen, and Leon didn’t know what he was supposed to do now. Feelings for her don’t just turn off like a switch, but he was completely shattered. He felt so conflicted, especially when her arms come around his waist to hold him. He almost stops breathing, the way her arms cling to him in desperation.

“How am I supposed to even tell you that?” she says, crying fully now. “I couldn’t and now that I have… I…”

He doesn’t reciprocate the hug, feeling her slip past under his arms to squeeze through the bedroom door. Leon keeps his gaze ahead with his arms now at his sides, not turning around when he hears the apartment door open and close with the softest thud. He’s left standing in their bedroom, the slightest bits and pieces of her still lingering around him.

Leon couldn’t escape her even if he wanted to. It was like she dumped a bag of bricks in his lap, he felt nauseous and heavy. What was he supposed to do now?

-o-

She exits the elevator, making her way through the parking garage to her car. It was a small blue sedan, an old and reliable car that she had since she started at the DSO. Throwing her bag into the passenger seat when she shuts the driver side door with a hard slam. She rummages through her bag to put on her sunglasses, to hide her crying eyes. (Y/N) starts the car with trembling hands and begins driving with no direction as to where she was going. But she needed to get away from this place, even just to clear her head and think.

The roads are quiet, it was still early for a Sunday drive.

She opens the window, feeling the breeze drying her damp face. It’s a monotonous drive through the city streets, wishing that the emotional baggage would fall behind her the further she drove from the apartment. She pulls onto the freeway, deciding to drive to a park that she had frequented with Leon before.

It would give her time to compose herself and gather her thoughts.

-o-

Chris leaves the office, an armful of paperwork under his arm. He wasn’t feeling great, tired from his lack of sleep. Even with a large coffee, it did nothing but barely help him stay awake during a briefing. It was only 10 a.m. and he was ready for bed. The parking lot was basically empty, a few agents and officers waving to Chris as they walk into the BSAA office.

He was happy to leave before it got busy, he wasn’t in the mood to deal with people right now. He checks his phone, no messages from her. Feeling just slightly bummed at not hearing from her yet but in due time. He enters his SUV, fiddling with the radio and wondering if he should just head home for now.

Chris starts the car and just as he puts his hands back on the steering wheel, he hears his phone vibrating in his bag. He immediately puts it back in park and quickly rummages through his bag. It was her. He answers it, trying not to feel too excited.

“Hello?” he says.
“Chris…” her tone is soft, like she was trying to be quiet.
“Are you okay? Where are you?” he asks, the happiness turning to worry.

She cries first, and it breaks Chris’ composure. He listens to her sniffle while muttering a “Sorry.”.

“Don’t apologize (Y/N), where are you?” he says, wondering what her morning was like if she was calling him in tears.
“I’m at the park near city hall, I’m in the parking lot.”
“Ok, just… do you want me to come meet you?”

Silence, save for her shaking breath.

“Please… I need to talk to you in person.” she whispers, voice on the verge of cracking. “We need to talk.”

Chapter 5: Pull Me Under

Summary:

(Y/N) broke down and told Leon, but she runs away before anything of substance can be said. The conversation pushes her back into Chris' embrace, and he happily accepts the coming storm. How else will this go down? How much further is (Y/N) willing to gamble with? The scales aren't in her favor anymore, and it's getting harder for her to care.

Notes:

I'm chugging along on this slowly! I'm sorry for the updates taking so long ._. much love

She sits in her car, watching the streets steadily becoming a tad busier as time passes. Her phone is ringing, Leon is calling but she ignores it while biting her fingernails. (Y/N) feels like her mental state is waning, crying and then laughing then back to crying. She couldn’t believe she had confessed to Leon, that she admitted what she did. How stupid she felt for doing everything so clumsily.

It had just happened faster than she could imagine.

Sure, she had the inclination to try and keep a secret. But clearly, her own conscience beat her to the punch. (Y/N) felt, in a way, that it was freeing. She didn’t have to pretend anymore. It was too late to stop, and she couldn’t take back what she said. (Y/N) looks at herself in the rearview mirror, basically looking half dead and choosing to keep her sunglasses on.

“My eyes are probably bloodshot…” She thought.

A familiar SUV is pulling into the parking lot, making her heart stir just a bit. He parks next to her; it was easy to find her when she was the only one in the parking lot.

She quickly exits her vehicle with Chris nodding for her to come to the passenger side. He unlocks the door to let her into his car, the familiar scent of his air freshener calms her. She shuts the door and it’s like she can breathe fully again. She removes her sunglasses, sinking into the seat.

“Are you okay?” He whispers, “What happened?”

She didn’t even know where to start, her hands immediately coming to cover her face in shame.

“I just… I just kept thinking about you and everything…and I couldn’t handle how I was feeling anymore,” she says, slightly muffled by her hands on her face. “I don’t know how to do this. I couldn’t keep it together.”

Chris stares at her empathetically before turning away, letting out a sigh as he leans his head back against the headrest. He stares ahead, wondering what the next move would be. This wasn’t going as he planned but then again, she had never done this before. It was easy to say what he would have done; he was never the one in an established relationship.

“I feel so stupid, and I hate myself and I’m sorry-“
“Stop. Don’t apologise to me.” He interrupts her, seeing her hand cover her mouth slightly.

(Y/N) stays quiet, turning to face the passenger window. She wasn’t about to let Chris see her cry again, biting her tongue.

“Did he ask who it was or-“
“I didn’t say it was you, so don’t worry.” She says with a flat tone.
“I didn’t mean for it to sound like that…” He says.

Chris turns to her, her body almost completely turned away from him. He may not have seemed worried, but he was. He was just better at hiding it. He reaches out to console her by trying to touch her knee, watching her pull away. Chris stops, he didn’t know what to say or what she was thinking. Sure, he’s done this before, but he was never this close to the bomb going off.

He didn’t want her to feel like he was going to push her away either. The fact she had called him after it meant she needed someone, he couldn’t help but wonder if she felt safe here with him.

“Hey,” He whispers, leaning one elbow on the glove compartment to get a little closer to her. “If you don’t want to go home yet…”

She turns to him slightly, sniffling.

“Why not come to my place for a bit?” He asks.
“How would that help me in this-“ She replies.
“Just come.”

-o-

It took some convincing, choosing to follow behind him with her car. Chris told her she could park in his garage, and he’d park on the street. Her phone continued to ring every once and a while, Leon was probably worried.

Maybe, but she figured he was just calling to ask her to come back home so they could talk. But she couldn’t handle that conversation anymore, brevity wasn’t something she could fathom considering the word vomit that got her here now. (Y/N) didn’t even want to think about work tomorrow, he could easily come to her floor and find her. Thinking that maybe tomorrow would be a day she would call in sick till she could plan just a bit more ahead.

Chris’ place wasn’t too far from where they were, (Y/N) pulling up into the driveway of his house. He had already parked and was waiting in his vehicle. He comes out of his SUV to open the attached garage door, and she parks her car in it. He enters the garage, walking over to the other entrance of his place.

He presses the switch on the wall, the light from outside disappearing as the garage closes. Chris rarely had people over during the day, choosing to mainly bring girls here at night to do the deed and then have them leave. But here she was at his house, Chris watching her gather a few of her things in her passenger seat before exiting her car.

He takes the duffle bag from her without a word, his other hand reaching out to gesture for her to hold it. She pauses briefly, both standing quietly in front of each other. Her shaking hand gingerly reaching out to take his hand. She follows Chris wordlessly, wondering what she was going to do now that she was here.

The door is attached to his kitchen, spotless. The black marble countertops are smooth, matching the shininess of his stainless-steel appliances. The kitchen island decorated with an array of fancy liquor bottles, with an intricately designed lighting fixture above it. Chris was a high ranking official in BSAA, it didn’t surprise her with how lavish things looked here.

“Just take your shoes off here,” he whispers, letting go of her hand. “Do you want something to drink?”

(Y/N) feels small in this place. He places her duffle bag down on the kitchen island. It felt too heavy to her when she was carrying it, admiring how it was like nothing to him in his arms. She slips off her shoes, arms crossing loosely over her chest. A self soothing habit she had picked up when she was stressed.

“Water is ok,” She whispers, feeling like she didn’t want to move unless he told her where to go. “Thank you.”

Chris stares at her, her eyes on the floor.

“Come with me.” He whispers, having her follow like a scolded puppy.

He leads her into a cozy living room, a plush couch with blankets draped on top of it sits next to a leather armchair. The dark oak coffee table has a candle on it, a pile of paperwork sits lazily on top of a few magazines. A pair of large bookcases filled completely with different books and other nick knacks is against the furthest wall. The warm sunshine breaks in through the cracks of the heavy dark curtains and shines on the couch, it makes the living room feel warm and inviting.

Chris whispers for her to sit, feeling her body almost melt into the softness of the fabric upholstery. He goes back to the kitchen to get her some water, maybe something small to eat.

She looked pale, almost sickly. It didn’t shock him though, he couldn’t imagine she was feeling ecstatic after what had happened.

(Y/N) glances around, the wooden floors covered with high pilled rugs. Chris had good taste; his place was like looking at one of those fancy interior design magazines. It was nice to be able to see where he lived, even if it had to happen like this. He returns to her with a glass of water and some crackers.

“You should eat these,” he says, placing the box on the coffee table in front of her. “I’ve got some granola bars if you want that instead.”

She sips her water steadily, shaking her head. (Y/N) felt like if she ate, it wouldn’t stay down long enough for her to benefit from it.

“I’m fine with this, thank you.”

Stillness.

Chris takes a seat on the leather armchair, watching her hold the glass with both hands. Trembling still.

“Okay… we need to talk, alright?” He asks, seeing her already shaking her head.
“I don’t know what else there is to say...”

His jaw tenses at how deadpan her voice is, she looked almost catatonic at this point. Chris’ phone rings, pulling it out of his pocket to look at it. Work again.

He sighs as he gathers the paperwork on the coffee table, standing up to go back to the kitchen.

“I’ll try to finish this call quickly, it’s just work stuff… we need to talk about this whether you want to or not,” Chris said, her eyes dropping from him as he leaves. “Just try to relax.”

(Y/N) nods weakly. As much as she didn’t want to talk about this anymore, she had no choice but to. It was important to try and plan, considering she was basically going to be without a home. Not to mention having to face the workplace after breaking up with one of the more well-known agents at DSO. Would Leon even mention it at all? Maybe with how everything went down, he would stay quiet for his own pride’s sake.

No one wants to mention how they got cheated on.

(Y/N) covers her face, feeling herself begin to cry again. She felt sorry for herself, despite how pathetic that was. She knew what she did was wrong, everything that led up to this point was her own doing. But (Y/N) just couldn't believe that this was her reality now. She was here in Chris’ house, sitting on his couch like a wounded animal begging to be put out of its misery. The embarrassment of calling him like a child and wondering if he even really cared about her enough to be there for her like she wanted him to be.

She lays down on the couch, curling up just a bit. Feeling her eyelids become heavier the more she cried. His voice is soothing from the kitchen, even if it was just mundane work talk.

(Y/N) is asleep in moments.

Chris looks at the clock on the stove as his superior drones on and on about something in one of the files they had gone through this morning. It was hard to stay focused on work when he knew she was fighting off inner turmoil with no real solutions. He quickly glances back into the living room, seeing her curled up and asleep on his couch.

He almost smiles, (Y/N) was rightly exhausted.

As the call goes on, Chris keeps the phone tucked to his ear with his shoulder. He walks over to her as quietly as possible to grab the fuzzy blanket draped on the couch. Chris covers her up, keeping his eyes on her as her brows relax. Her closed fists loosening from the sensation of the warm softness on top of her. Chris hoped that maybe after a nap she’d be ready to talk. She sinks into a deep sleep, not even feeling him lay the blanket on top of her. He takes a seat in the leather armchair again, eyes taking in her sleeping figure on his couch.

The call finally finished without much conversation on his end, too preoccupied to contribute more than the usual “yes” or “no”. (Y/N) looks sweet, and he didn’t have the strength to wake her up. She’s curled up so tightly on the couch, that he wondered if she was comfortable. Chris whispers her name to her, hoping to rouse her just enough to listen to him.

“(Y/N)… I can put you in my bed?” He whispers, sleepy eyes barely open at his question. “Then you can nap while I work?”

She barely nods, feeling him scoop her up into his arms. Blanket and all. Her arms are limp, tucking her close to him as he carries her up the stairs with ease to his bedroom. There was no ill intention in his gesture, no inclination to take advantage of her. Pure kindness. Sympathy, really. She’s so light in his arms, and so tired that she barely notices him placing her down on his bed.

(Y/N) continues to sleep, even when he takes away the blanket from the couch to covering her with the thick duvet on his bed. The room is cool and dark, perfect for a nap. Chris looks down at her again, knuckles coming to brush against her soft cheek. He smiles, watching her eyes open the slightest bit before closing again.

Even though things had turned out this way, she was here. Sleeping peacefully in his bed. Chris couldn’t stop himself, leaning down to place one gentle kiss on her forehead. He leaves his bedroom quietly, hearing the lightest breathy sigh come from her as he closes the door.

-o-

Leon paces the apartment, not knowing what to do. He couldn’t reach (Y/N), she wasn’t answering his calls, and he didn’t know where she would have gone. Or if she would even come home anytime soon. Leaving messages on her voicemail didn’t seem to be helpful but he didn’t know what else to do.

He had cried badly the minute (Y/N) left, half in anger and half in disbelief. Going through everything in his mind to try and explain what had happened. Leon obviously still had feelings for her but now it was more complicated than ever. Things had changed so much for the worse since he had been gone and now, she wasn’t even here to help put the pieces together.

It was fruitless, but he called her again.

“(Y/N) please answer the phone…! Please call me and we can talk about this! Just come-“ he thought.

“Voice mailbox is full. No more messages can be left.”

Leon groans in frustration, fully sinking to the floor in their shared bedroom. Head in his hands, feeling his heartbeat continue to race wildly. She hurt him, gutted him completely but he still wanted to see her. He wanted answers to all the questions popping up from the silence of their empty apartment. (Y/N)’s words were something he’d never ever imagine she would say, not something she would ever do. He was desperate to make sense of it but without her here, his thoughts were just circling. Leon stays on the floor, defeated.

Should he leave? Should he drive around like a madman and search for her? He couldn’t.

He was adamant on staying in case she was to change her mind and come home. He knew her heart, he knew she would see the error in leaving things like this. He wanted to believe she wouldn’t hurt him, not intentionally. He wanted to believe that. It didn’t matter that there were a million reasons why he should just let her leave, to give up on her now.

Leon wanted to see her, he needed to see her. He didn’t care how pathetic that sounded.

He glances over at his phone again, hoping she’d call. Steadily feeling sicker with fear.

-o-

(Y/N) opens her eyes to an unfamiliar ceiling, completely engulfed in luxurious black bedding.

She sits up quickly, like she had woken up from a nightmare. It hit her at once, remembering where she was and what she was doing. (Y/N) lays back down trying to steady her breath, trying to recall how she even got into Chris’ bed. Everything felt disorienting. She didn’t even realize she had passed out like that, feeling a tad embarrassed to just sleep like that in front of Chris.

It was well into the afternoon, rolling over to see the clock on the night table. She slept too long.

(Y/N) was basically hiding out here, feeling like she could fall right back asleep if she shut her eyes. Curious eyes scan his room, the dresser topped with various colognes and watches. The closet was open just enough to see dress shirts and ties hanging in it. The one window in the room is large and covered with deep burgundy curtains. Before she can even get up, she hears a soft knock and then the door opens.

“(Y/N)? You awake?”

She sits up slower this time and crosses her legs, steadily wiping the sleep from her eyes.

“Yeah, I… how did I get in here?”

Chris walks over, placing a glass of water on the night table before sitting on the edge of the bed. His eyes are soft, just a bit of worry on his face surprises her.

“Please don’t look at me like that. I don’t want pity” she thought.

“I carried you in here after you passed out on the couch… I hope… I wasn’t trying anything,” Chris says, he was wearing more casual clothing than before. “I didn’t think you were comfortable on the couch, and I just wanted you to rest be-“

“I… thank you Chris.”

She smiles briefly, not wanting to look into his eyes anymore.

“If…you want to chat now… we can,” He says, almost like a whisper. “You okay with that?”
She nods, rolling the soft sheets in between her hands.

“Okay, so how did this happen? Was this last night or this morning?”
“This morning but it was something we kind of argued about last night after we came home,” she whispers, “I told him but I basically ran out before we could really say much else…”

Chris nods, rubbing his chin.
“I just couldn’t take it anymore…I don’t know,” She says, uncrossing her legs and pulling both of her knees up to her chest, her arms around her legs, “And now I’m here taking up your time because… I didn’t know who else to go to…”

He shakes his head, hand running through his hair.

“You don’t have to act like that, I’m the reason you’re in this…” He murmurs, “I mean... if I really didn’t care, I would not have even answered my phone. I wouldn’t have suggested you come here.”

(Y/N) keeps her eyes forward, focusing on the wall to keep from crying. Chris didn’t want to see her cry again. It hurt him seeing her like this. The fact that he knew he had wedged himself into a place he knew he should not have made him hate himself more.

“I’m here for you and I want to help you however I can… but” Chris says. “You just need to tell me what you want to do, (Y/N).”

She half laughs, burying her head into her pulled up knees. It felt like an out of body experience speaking so nonchalantly about this kind of subject. They were just two people dancing around on someone else’s pain, trying to lick each other’s wounds. Chris made her feel better but then that feeling just made it all that much worse.

How she could throw herself into his arms right now while Leon was doing God knows at home, alone. Every step she was making to try and fix things, was breaking everything down in front of her.

“I don’t fucking know,” she says, muffled. “Like do I go back home and try to talk to him or…?”

Chris shakes his head in disagreement.

“I really don’t think that’s a good idea, it…might make it worse… but then again,” He says, “Maybe he just needs some time to cool off and…”

She looks up at him, eyes filled with doubt. (Y/N) knew that he was probably driving himself crazy trying to work things out alone. If she went back, she knew it would be an all-night talk.

“He’s not going to cool down.”

Chris exhales with just a bit of force, crossing his arms across his chest. He was humming and hawing on the idea of just letting her stay the night. Just until she could get a better grasp on things, she couldn’t exactly avoid Leon forever. But the convincing it took to get her here was hard enough.

He'd beg her if she asked him too. Chris was shameless for even thinking that in this moment.

“Look, why not… stay the night,” He watches her eyes flicker to his immediately. “You can sleep in here; I’ll take the couch.”

“Well…” (Y/N) whispers, she had a duffle bag full of things downstairs. She could easily get ready for work in the morning and leave then. A whole day where she could prepare herself to face another inevitable fight. “I… I don’t want to be an intrusion… I mean-“

“Stop, I put you in this situation, we’re in this together now,” he says, a slight smile on his face. “Besides…I… I want you to stay the night…”

Her eyes brighten a bit, feeling her face get a bit more flushed. He begins to stand up from the bed, suddenly feeling stupid for saying that. Getting ready to leave and give her some space but he feels a tug at his hoodie. Chris looks down, seeing her arm stretched out and grasping the fabric tightly in her small hand.

It's taking all the strength in her to speak, her heart racing from the roller coaster of emotions today. Even she didn’t know what she was doing now, nothing made sense anymore anyway.

“… Sleep in here with me,” She whispers. “Please.”

Chris is melting. It was amazing to see how easily she can stop him in his tracks, those big doe eyes looking up in such a pleading way. The way he had ached so badly to be able to touch her again was almost too much, but it didn’t feel like it was the right time. To try and rekindle their first night again while her metaphorical house was burning down. How those sparks were still igniting every part of their lives.

The world can burn for all he cared.

He can’t stop himself, (Y/N)’s hand drops from him the minute he sits on the edge of the bed again but this time closer to her. He goes for it. Chris kisses her with such intensity that she gasps into their kiss, giving him the unspoken permission to deepen the kiss. Trembling hands roam his body, feeling for every bit of bare skin that she can. Chris can feel the urgency in her touch, his hands unzip his sweater to quickly abandon it on the floor. Her hands come to rest on his broad shoulders, the white sleeveless shirt doing wonders to emphasize how much bigger he was than (Y/N).

Chris whispers for her to raise her arms, lifting her shirt over her head and throwing it down on the floor next to his sweater. Layer by layer he undresses her till she’s in nothing but her bra and panties. She lays back against the pillows, feeling incredibly shy as Chris is still basically fully dressed. He pulls back to take her all in, admiring every bit of her. It’s different to see her like this compared to how she looked when she was in his lap.

He liked that image too, but her being in his bed like this was something else.

Chris pulls off his shirt and crawls on top of her, the look in his eyes has her swallowing all the courage she thought she had. He’s so wide between her legs, a shiver runs up her spine when she feels his skin on hers. It felt so different this time, there was no need to rush anything. (Y/N) wanted to explore every bit of him that she could.

How did this happen? What kind of wonderful mistake were they willing to make again?

“Is this ok…?” he whispers, seeing her bite her bottom lip gently. “Cause… if we keep going, I… I don’t know… if I can stop...”

All she wanted was to feel his lips all over her skin. (Y/N) hates herself more and more, but she’s like a moth to a flame when it came to Chris. How did he notice that her heart was reaching out for him every time she looked at him? The sheer willingness she had to break up all her stability she built with Leon to have just one more kiss. She wished she had the strength to just push him off her, get dressed and leave.

But she doesn’t, to hell with it.

She doesn’t answer, lifting her head from the pillows to kiss him once on his mouth. (Y/N) deepens the kiss again, the slightest bit of tears stinging her eyes. It’s wrong. All of it. Everything was just happening. This time instead of trying to keep her head above the darkening waters, she’d let the waves wash over her and pull her down.

“It’s ok…” she whispers between kisses, trying to keep her voice from shaking anymore than what it was. “It’s ok.”

Chris finishes undressing her, he needed to see all of her. (Y/N) feels shy again but his affectionate whispers of “Don’t hide,” keeps her from covering herself with the sheet. His hands feel up her body, to fondle her naked breasts. She covers her mouth slightly to stop the pleasured moan coming from her, trying not to be more desperate than she is.

She can feel him getting hard.

(Y/N) stares up at him, he’s like a marble statue. Chiseled to perfection. Chris’ v-lines were incredible, those biceps leading down to his strong hands. The ones she wanted to wear like a necklace around her throat. He was defined without it being too much, perfect really. It was all she had imagined and more. He kneels on the bed, moving his hands up her ankles to travel up to her thighs.

She blinks the tears away, those wonderful hands of his slipping in between her legs once more. (Y/N) lets her head fall back against the pillows, steadying her breathing as his hand moves higher and higher. Just once more she wanted to feel him, to have him moving inside her like before. She’s desperate, another gasp coming from her lips when his fingers feel over the wet fabric of her panties.

(Y/N) timidly holds on to him, almost afraid he might change his mind and shove her away. But he welcomes her touch. He dips his head down to kiss the side of her neck, continuing to stroke slowly up and down against the fabric of her panties. The sensation of his mouth on her neck, sucking and nibbling in combination with his fingers is like heaven. He watches her face, eyes fluttering when he slips aside the fabric to touch her fully.

It's hard to stay quiet and she almost feels like she should, (Y/N) told herself she didn’t deserve to feel good after what she did. Her mind is racing, trying to concentrate. How can this keep happening? Was she that weak? In the back of her mind she wonders if she had told Leon all this just so she could come here? Hoping and praying so hard without much thought to be under Chris.

Chris slips a finger into her, then another. She grips his shoulders tighter, head falling back as she whimpers. Breathing picking up between them. Heavy.

“I want to hear you, (Y/N)…” he whispers against her throat, “Don’t be shy…”

She bites her tongue, feeling his fingers move a little faster. Her legs shake just a bit, knees begging to close but his arm between them is unmovable. Harder, just a bit faster again. (Y/N) can’t keep it in anymore, a strained moan floats out from her to Chris’ ears.

“That’s better…”

“Goddamnit, he’s too good…!” she thought.

Again, the world is turning white. His hands working so hard between her legs that she wondered how she could feel so good despite it all. She’s reaching the high again but suddenly she’s pulled back down to earth. Chris’ hands stop, removing themselves completely from (Y/N). A slightly annoyed whine passing her lips, quickly opening her eyes to look to Chris. He sits up just enough to roll the waist band of his sweats down enough to free his dick. Her jaw tightens looking at it and then up to his face. He’s staring down at her, thumbs slipping under the waistband of her panties.

“Let’s take these off…” he says, more than ready to give her everything again.

She nods her head obediently, wiggling her hips slightly to help get them off faster. (Y/N) watching his lust filled eyes move down her whole body, she looks divine. He decides to fully abandon what’s left of his clothing, enjoying the pile of discarded clothes on his floor.

“I… I need for you to tell me how much you want me.” he says.

She props herself up on her elbows, still trying to catch her breath.

“…A lot, I really need you…”

Chris climbs back on top of her, nearly face to face. (Y/N) is suddenly so thirsty for him, ready to drink him in one more time. Even if she didn’t deserve it. He smells so good, Chris didn’t realize how easy it was for him to turn her on.

“I like when you’re telling me so nicely…” he whispers. “Good girl.”

She almost laughs and before she can give a snappy reply, he’s kneeling back in between her legs. Rough hands coming around the soft curve of her hips, whispering for her to relax and letting her lay back completely against the bed. It felt different this time; the playfulness is still there but there’s a new feeling. A needed gentleness after all what was done and said earlier.

(Y/N) knows what that feeling is. A crush but more than that, she’s okay with not knowing what they are yet. It’s a unique understanding, two devils taking shelter in each other. He strokes himself between her thighs, (Y/N)’s hazy eyes watching his tongue touch the corner of his mouth slightly. A rippling wave moves up her spine, feeling him rub his cock up and down her cunt.

She moans, wanting him to just fill her up already. But Chris enjoys teasing her a little bit. He pokes the inside of his cheek with his tongue right before swallowing the lump in his throat, it’s taking everything to not just shove himself deep inside her. (Y/N) is so wet, she felt like she could cum just from him moving up and down her centre.

“C-Chris…” she begs, almost panting.

He slips into her again, both sighing in unison. The bed creaks a little, and the headboard begins to tap gently into the wall. She bunches the sheets in both of her hands, Chris gripping her hips tight as he thrusts into her. (Y/N) was grateful for him not being too gentle, at this point the headboard is banging into the wall. Her toes are curling when one of his hands comes down to rub her clit in slow, agonizing circles. (Y/N)’s hands come to cover her face, not wanting to imagine what kind of expression she had when he was fucking her like this.

“Hey…” he says, breathless, “Uncover your face… now.”

She nods for the second time, hands clenched together against her chest. It’s wild thinking about how this was happening again, all the issues of this morning fading with every thrust into her.

“Chris… I…” she mumbles, trying not to bite her tongue as he starts to circle her clit harder. “It feels too… too good.”

“Ohhh…?” he teases, slowing both the pace in his hips and hands. “Too good huh?”
“Mhmm…” she whispers, biting her lip. “Please don’t… don’t…”

His hands are now fully placed on the bed, (Y/N) noticing how his abs almost tightened up more at this angle. It’s dizzying, a slight strangled giggle leaving her. He’s being just a little rough, but she wanted more. She could take it. If this was her punishment, she’d gladly take a life sentence. (Y/N) just didn’t want Chris to stop.

“Don’t… st-“

She can’t finish her sentence, his mouth crashing down on hers. Wet, sloppy kisses are exchanged between them. Her insides are squeezing him like a vice, (Y/N) pulling away from his kiss to cry out in pleasure. Chris wanted her to be loud, louder than how she was in his car. He clenches his teeth, his breathing sounding more ragged.

He pulls out of her roughly, and she gasps. Chris backs up, enough to be standing near the edge of the bed. (Y/N)’s face is flushed, eyes puzzled as she stares at him.

“Lay on your stomach.”

She hesitates, unsure if she made him unhappy or did something wrong.

“Chr-“
“I said, lay on your stomach…” His voice commanding. “I’m not going to tell you again.”

(Y/N) rolls slowly on to her stomach, feeling his hands come around her ankles. She shrieks as he drags her across the bed, easily bending her over against the mattress. Her feet barely touch the ground, forcing her to stand on the tips of her toes. Chris towering behind her, there is no chance for her to escape but she’s right where she wants to be. He’s panting as his hands wander down her body, admiring the dimples on her lower back. (Y/N) tries to stand up fully but he gently shoves her back down against the bed, his hands coming up her back to rest on both of her shoulders.

She doesn’t speak, waiting in anticipation for him to start again. But he doesn’t.

“You want it?” He whispers, listening to her breathing heavily.

Her legs are shaking, feeling so grateful that he couldn’t see how bad she was blushing. (Y/N) nods her head, whatever he wanted was what she wanted.

“Tell me…” He whispers, one hand slipping off her shoulder to come around the front of her throat.

“I want it…” She pleads, voice dripping with desperation again when his hand squeezes with just enough pressure. “Please, please, please…!”

He slips back into her again, hips snapping against her like his life depended on it. (Y/N)’s voice is ragged, a love-drunk expression on her face. It was amazing, to find peace in being treated so badly. She could cry from the relief. Chris feels her body tensing, he knew she was getting closer. Rough moans turning into softer whimpers, seeing her knuckles turning white from how hard she was grasping the sheets. He could do this all day, head lolling back when he feels her cumming.

It was quick for her. But she didn’t mind, it was what she needed. Clarity to try and make sense of everything that was happening. Chris lets her ride it out, feeling her almost become limp in his arms. He holds her around her middle, feeling his lower stomach flex when she pulls him down into ecstasy again. He groans softly, the world finally coming back into view. He steps back from her to get some air back into his lungs, mentally patting himself on the back when he notices her legs are still shaking.

Chris whispers for her to get back into bed and she somehow manages despite her limbs feeling like overdone pasta, wobbly. She doesn’t even notice that Chris has lazily redressed himself. He still had some paperwork to finish, not that he didn’t mind the distraction from it. They both needed it, even just to clear their heads. He smiles down at this beautiful naked angel in his bed, watching her wipe the beads of sweat from her brow.

“Feel better?” He asks.

She can’t help but laugh, still catching her breath. (Y/N) felt better.

“Surprisingly… yeah.” She replies, looking up at him.

She felt the butterflies in her stomach building, they were getting harder and harder to ignore. Her entire world had shattered, piece by piece but here he was. Gentle hands willing to help put it back together. He didn’t care what she did, how could he judge her when he was the reason she was in this mess? Maybe that meant he was an awful person too, but he didn’t care. It was getting to that point for him of not wanting anyone else now, he’d walk through fire if he had to for her.

Chris couldn’t admit it yet to her, but he thought about her all the time now. He had no regrets, and he was trying not to be too hopeful that she didn’t either.

He didn’t want to have that kind of hope.

Chapter 6: Is it really you?

Summary:

(Y/N)'s eventual return home brings her to another crucial moment where she must face the fallout of her confession. While Leon continues to grapple with their sudden parting and reconnection, heart still filled with confusion and hurt after the emotional baggage was dumped in his lap. Chris’s feelings for (Y/N) get harder to ignore, trying to be supportive but also wanting to keep her for himself.

Notes:

Hi! Long time no update. Things in my life got really busy (my best friend is getting married in less than two weeks!!! and I was traveling!) and I'm finally able to update. I had this chapter sitting on my desktop for sometime, but it needed some serious re-work and edits. FORGIVE ME, I'll try to be more adamant about not taking so long in between chapters. Love you all. Thanks for sticking with me!

Leon laid in bed all night trying to sleep. He had forced himself to try and relax; to clear his mind of the hurt and confusion but it was no use. Between disbelieved laughter and tears he managed to go back into their shared bedroom. The mess of her things strewn around the room, the way the sheets lingered of her scent. She’s all over and yet no where to be found.

He had tried to call her, until her phone didn’t even ring anymore. (Y/N) had probably turned it off or had blocked him for now. Least he hoped anyway. She didn’t come home, didn’t even bother to try and connect with him. Leon hoped she was safe, that she was just waiting to come home to at least give him some kind of closure.

How could all of this happen? Was there anything he could have done? To change the way their house of cards had fallen.

A dull ache had lingered around his head from lack of sleep, tired eyes turning to look at the alarm clock on the nightstand. 10 minutes before it was supposed to go off, he decided to just get up and get ready for work. It was pointless in trying to get any rest now. He thought about calling in sick but decided against it. He wanted to prevent any further actions that might keep her from possibly coming home.

He decides to take a shower, hoping that it could help with his fatigue. Leon lets the scalding water run over his skin, aching muscles almost buckling from how the shower was relaxing them. He closes his eyes, wanting all the pent-up pain to wash down the drain. Sleep was a necessity at this point, but it just wouldn’t come. He felt like a zombie as he went through the motions of getting ready for the day.

He hoped that he would see her, even just to hear her would be okay with him. But then again, he wondered if he would be able to keep it together long enough to get any kind of solace. Any kind of explanation was better than her just running away.

Leon still couldn’t believe it; still didn’t want to believe she could do that. That wasn’t her, it couldn’t be the person he had to leave five months ago. Change like that can’t happen overnight, can it?

-o-

She woke up bundled in the warm cover of Chris’ luxurious bedding, encased in bliss followed by hurt. Aching muscles stretching beneath the covers before turning off the alarm clock, noticing the small note next to it.

“I’m off at 5PM, I left a house key in case you want to come back. Chris.”

She smiles slightly, wondering how early he must have gotten up if he was already gone before 7 in the morning. Either she was exhausted to the point of not hearing him leave or he was just extremely quiet. Probably the latter. (Y/N) slept well enough, Chris making sure to tire her out as much as possible throughout the night.

But the smile fades the minute she turns on her phone to a barrage of texts, missed calls and voicemail notifications. She would have no choice but to face the consequences sooner or later, taking a deep breath before listening to the first voice message. The levels of worry in his voice becoming more frantic after each left message, the anxiety in his words like daggers in her ears.

As she listens, she looks around Chris’ bedroom. Was this worth it?

“I just want you to come home… please come home.” Leon pleads in the message, making her wince.

Every tick of the clock counting down her ego death.

-o-

Chris drove to work with a dizzying type of happiness in his system, windows rolled down to feel the breeze on his smiling face. The image of her sleeping naked form laying in his bed this morning was like something from a dream, burned completely in his brain. He felt like a stupid kid, giddy as if it was the best kind of present that he could have ever asked for. But he needed to maintain some kind of composure if he was going to get through the workday without questions, it wasn’t like him to come into the office grinning like an idiot.

In the back of his mind, there was still some doubt about everything but he chose to ignore it.

He steps into the building, nodding at every one he passed as he made his way towards his office. Chris places his bag on his desk, removing his coat before taking a seat. No one seemed to notice the change in him, except for one person.

“What’s with that face?”

Chris looks up at the lean figure standing in the doorway, his heart nearly stopping in his chest.

Leon, looking the opposite of Chris. His expression was tired. Very tired.

“Hey Leon, how’s it going?” Chris says, busying himself in his bag. “You’re here for…?”
“Been better, I’m just here for the briefing.” He says with tired eyes a bit downcast.

Chris clears his throat once while making a gesture with his hand for Leon to sit, the younger man sits in the chair opposite from him.

“Hopefully it will be quick,” Chris mumbles, trying to keep his posture as relaxed as possible. “I hate when they drag it out.”

Leon nods as he slumps back in the chair, scrolling on his phone in boredom. Chris wondered if (Y/N) had messaged him back, or maybe even called the younger agent. Watching Leon’s brows furrow in his peripheral, maybe he was reading something from her in that moment. Leon almost scoffs, before putting his phone facedown on Chris’ desk.

Leon stays silent, readjusting himself in his seat. It was an awkward kind of silence between them, Chris typing away to reply to emails in hopes that maybe it would signal Leon to just leave. But he doesn’t, thumbs more furiously texting.

“You okay?” Chris asks, trying to maintain a nonchalant attitude.
“I… maybe, I got a lot on my mind right now.”
“Is this about… (Y/N)? Or too personal?” Chris asked.

Leon looks up from his phone once before placing it face down on the desk, eyes catching Chris’s gaze. Chris sighs heavily, it was obvious he was speaking about (Y/N). But the question to ask if this was a personal thing was heavy in the air. He didn’t want to get into this kind of talk at work, this could end badly. He also didn’t want to implicate anything, trying to think of ways to question things without raising suspicion.

“That’s kind of a loaded question…” Leon replied.

Dead silence.
Leon’s eyes almost glass over, his mouth parting to speak again but at that moment his phone rings. They both look at it before Leon turns it over, the caller ID clearly stating it was (Y/N). The cute caller display picture of her and Leon kissing was like a brick shattering the dream world Chris was in. This was still Leon’s girlfriend, least until (Y/N) decided what she wanted to do.

“I gotta take this.” Leon says, quickly rushing from Chris’ office as he answered the phone.

Chris’ curious eyes move back to his computer screen, feeling his jaw tighten just a bit. Did Leon know it was him? Or was Chris just being paranoid about everything?

Leon rushes to one of the empty meeting rooms, closing the door quickly. His thumb hovers over the accept button in hesitation before clicking it. His heart was racing, mouth feeling so dry when he hears a trembling voice on the other end of the call. One of his hands comes down to brace himself against the boardroom table, trying to keep calm.

“Hello…?” Leon whispers, almost sounding breathless.
“Hi… uh…Are you busy right-”
“Where are you?” He interrupts.
“I’m at home.”

Silence, save for Leon’s steadily increasing breaths. He hears her sigh softly before speaking again.

“… should I just wait for you or-?”
Leon looks out the meeting room’s large window; the busy crowd of people working happily as he was having a crisis of the heart. He wanted to laugh, not wanting anyone to see the desperation on his face right now.

“I’ll come home now.” He says, trying to keep his voice confident.

Silence again.

“You don’t need to come home right now if you’re...” She whispers, wondering if he could hear her rapid heartbeat.
“Just don’t go anywhere, I’m coming home.”

He hangs up without her responding back, quickly making his way back into the BSAA office. He sees Chris still typing away at his desk, making a beeline to let the older man know he wouldn’t be at the briefing.
“I gotta slip out, kind of an emergency.”

Chris felt a pang of worry, heavy brows knitting together in bewilderment.
“Everything’s alright, Leon?”
“Yeah… yeah I think so,” He says, trying to convince himself more than anything. “I just need to go now.”
Leon feels his phone buzz in his hand, seeing her text notification pop up.

Chris knew it was her, and wondered if he should follow Leon. But he trusted (Y/N) and knew Leon would never do anything to hurt her. Least he had hoped anyway.
“Okay, just… I’ll handle the boss.” Chris says, giving a half-hearted smile to Leon.
“Thanks Chris! I owe you one.”

If only Leon knew what kind of part Chris played in this. To be one of the people who helped trample on his feelings. Chris shakes his head before waving him away, watching Leon practically sprint for the elevators. He wasn’t going to text her, he wouldn’t until she did. For once, he needed to listen to her before he got her into any more trouble.

He tries to get back to his report, but nothing was coming out. She flooded his system again, fully putting his head into his hands to almost pout. Nothing was ever easy, nothing ever seemed to work smoothly for him in these scenarios. But when one plays with fire, you expect to get burned eventually.

Chris felt a tinge of pain, the idea of her reconciling with Leon was almost too much.

But he knew he was selfish to want them to break up. He just wanted whatever this was for awhile, to have her stars continue to crash into his without mercy. Chris could take the pain with the pleasure. He stares into space, grey eyes expressionless the more he thinks about everything. He could only hope for the best at this point. Even if it meant she didn’t choose him.

-o-

She paces the apartment anxiously, the cool breeze from the patio blowing in to soothe her just a bit. (Y/N) was grateful to have come back to an empty place, it gave her time to talk down the nerves. The mess of items she hastily picked through scattered around the apartment, the bedroom door was ajar. (Y/N) finally mustered the courage to peek into the bedroom. The bed was unmade with more of her things dropped onto the floor when she left in a hurry. The closet was still open, her usually organized makeup table in shambles.

It smells like Leon in here, the scent dropping her heart into the pit of her stomach.

She hears the front door open, listening to the familiar jingle of his keys on the counter.
“(Y/N)?” He calls out, voice almost sounding a tad hoarse.

She takes a deep breath before stepping out of the bedroom, poking her head out from behind the door like a shy kitten. He sees her, almost melting at finally seeing her again. She’s wearing a pink floral sundress, makeup done to match her outfit. Leon thought he’d be furious when he saw her, but he wasn’t. (Y/N) left him to bleed out slowly on their carpet with her words, but he still thought she was angelic in so many ways while she did it.

“Is it really you?” he thought, blue eyes catching hers. “Or am I that sleep deprived?”

“Hi.” She whispers as she drops her gaze, keeping her distance from him.

She leans back against the hallway wall leading to their bedroom, hands behind her back. Her heart was racing, not wanting to look at him right now. The silence wasn’t unbearable but neither knew what to say. He tried to step toward her, but she slides back against the wall as much as she could. Leon stops, almost laughing at himself before looking at her with glassed over eyes.

“I’m happy you finally decided to call me back…” He whispers, watching her purse her lips before responding.
“I just needed some time to sort some things out and this is something we needed to talk about, right?” She says, tucking a loose strand of hair behind her ear.

Leon knew she only did that when she was nervous, fidgeting with herself as usual. He knew her more than she realized at times. As he looks her over, he felt perplexed at how he couldn’t even find the strength to keep his distance from her. The need to have her in his arms was something he was repressing, trying to move those thoughts to the back of his mind.

He needed answers, anything to help quell the awful curiosity that kept him awake all night. He blurts out the first thing that pops into his mind.

“Just tell me… Who it was?” He asks, rather bluntly.

He watches her flush immediately, giving her head a shake as she continues to stare at the ground.
“Look… does that really matter at this point?” She asks, arms crossing loosely.
“To me, it does.” He replies.

She doesn’t say anything, sighing softly before mumbling to herself.

“It’s not going to change what happened or make it better…I don’t-”
“I know that…” He says, voice almost trembling. “I know better than that.”

He steps closer to her again, she doesn’t move this time. (Y/N) lifts her head, watching him brace both his hands on the wall. She’s effectively trapped in-between his arms, the juxtaposition of her first real moment with Chris and now Leon wasn’t lost on her. How two things could be the same but so entirely different situation-wise almost made her want to laugh.

The way he dips his head down to keep his gaze on her has her stomach doing backflips, mentally scolding herself for feeling suddenly so hot. Leon watches her bite the inside of her cheek, eyes eventually becoming locked on each other’s. He didn’t know he could feel this way about a person, so emotionally pulled in so many directions. It was truly mind boggling.

“Just tell me,” He whispers, feeling his breath on her cheek. “Please tell me…”

They stare at each other, the air between them stills at that moment. Her heart races faster, along with his. (Y/N) stands up a little straighter, fully feeling Chris’ name dancing on the tip of her tongue. She parts her lips to speak, ready to break him down more with just one name. There was no going back when she revealed it.

“It was C-“

Leon kisses her the moment she’s off guard, feeling her hands snake up against his chest to almost try and push him off. But she can’t, Leon’s hands come off the wall and find themselves on her hips. She manages to pull her mouth away, not wanting this to go down this way but he keeps his mouth on the side of her neck.

“L-Leon!” She murmurs; this was the most intimate they had been since he returned home.

He doesn’t stop, he doesn’t even think he can. Leon’s tugging at her dress, lips nibbling and sucking her neck with such ferocity that it makes her squirm. He hears her almost panting, hands still trying to shove him off her but also grasping onto him to maintain her balance. They were supposed to be sorting out their issues, but he didn’t even care anymore, he frankly didn’t think he was ready to hear who this mystery person was.

All he could hope for was it was someone he didn’t know and someone she would never see again.

“I’m just so… I’m so-“ He whispers, almost feeling like he could cry again. “I don’t know how to feel about you anymore…”

Leon comes to face her again, keeping his eyes on hers. They continue to stare, searching for some kind of answer in each other. Just for a moment, it feels calm.

He closes the gap again, kissing her gently. Maybe this is how he could deal with the pain, in his own sick way. (Y/N)’s resolve is melting, kissing him back timidly before they both deepen it. The guilt makes her sob when he opens her mouth to kiss her further. Leon coos a soft “shh” to her before kissing her more. He wants her so much, more than anything right now.

The guilt is like a hot knife, slowly slicing its way through her heart. The desperation to just end it, to let him know and have him end her. To let Leon leave and just be done with her. (Y/N) couldn’t handle it anymore, this was just again delaying the pain.

“Leon,” She whispers in between the exchange of kisses, “Leon we-“

He doesn’t want to hear it, he can’t. His one hand comes up and over her mouth, shaking his head as he does so.

“I don’t know if I can handle it… if you tell me,” He says, trying to swallow the lump building in his throat. “I might go crazy.”

Leon watches her eyes tearing before closing, his hand coming away from her mouth. He stands with his arms still around her, ashamed and angry. How could he want someone who treated him so badly? How could he continue to feel soft for a girl like that?

He pulls away, leaning back on the wall opposite of hers. He’s holding back some tears, trying to anyway.

(Y/N) swallows Chris’ name as she opens her eyes, the loss of heat felt immediately on her skin. She cared for Leon, more than she did about any boyfriend she had had. But this was different now, all thanks to her unraveling. That moment of weakness, a wound that continued to fester and infect. She stares at Leon, sniffling.

“Leon…”
She takes one step forward before he speaks.
“Are we… are we done?”

Her heart stops, breathing picking up at that moment. She didn’t know how to answer that question, debating even responding. His eyes stay on her face, baby blues blinking away tears. (Y/N) didn’t know what to do, fully leaning back on the wall.

“I… I don’t know.”

She feels herself begin to cry along with him.
-o-

Chris has no interest in this meeting, flipping his pen back and forth between his nimble fingers. All he could think about was (Y/N) and Leon. Wondering how everything was going, hoping that she was okay. He hadn’t been paying much attention, besides staring ahead at the wall. Projections of different maps and information became one muddled pile in his thoughts.

He thinks about her smile, the way she softly whimpered when he was pushing her to overstimulation. Chris smiles to himself again, quickly resting his elbow on the table to bring a hand over his mouth slightly. Just enough to cover his mouth without too much notice.

“You got that Redfield?” His commanding Officer asks, other agents in the room turning to look at Chris.

He does his best at giving a curt nod, whatever this meeting entailed would be sent in a briefing anyway. He couldn’t focus, a wave of relief washing over him when they commenced the meeting. Chris scrambles back to his desk to avoid anymore distractions, wanting to call her but deciding it was best to wait.

He closes the door of his office, he didn’t want to see anyone today. The worry was getting to him now. Chris no longer had the patience to humor people with small talk.

He opens his laptop, choosing to force himself to work on his earlier ignored files. If she needed him, he'd be there. Chris breathes in through his nose and out through his mouth, hoping to calm his nerves. The thought of not being able to see her again stops him, one of his hands coming up to rub his temple. Chris needed to focus, he wasn’t about to have a breakdown at the office.

The rollercoaster of emotions was getting to him, wondering if he should head out early. The more he thought about her ending whatever this was, was almost too much now. Even if she didn’t want him anymore, even if this was just one big mistake to her. He’d be there if she needed him.

He just didn’t want to admit to himself that he might need her more than she needed him.

-o-

They’re fully sitting on the floor now, with his legs outstretched and her with her knees pulled up to rest her head against them.

“Leon…” She whispers not lifting her head. “Do you want me… to leave?”

He shakes his head when she looks up at him for a reply. They keep their eyes on each other, the look of defeat mirrored on each other’s faces. The closer she got to confessing, the more it hurt to hurt him. (Y/N) didn’t know how long they had been sitting in silence, but it needed to stop. It was probably mid afternoon. Everything was falling apart now, slipping away slowly like sand through their fingers.

“I don’t know what you want me to say or do…” She whispered, his face emotionless. “I know there isn’t anything I can say… to undo what happened and…”

He interrupts her with a soft and serious tone: “No, there isn’t anything you can say now.”

(Y/N)’s eyes drop from his, nodding slowly in response. He wasn’t wrong, she was the one who dug the pit they were sitting in. It felt like no matter what she said, the dirt of her deeds was steadily filling the hole. She looks around the apartment, its entirety showing the life they were building together. All of it was for nothing at this point. He hated the sullen expression on her face, the uncertainty of what to say or not to say.

His body moves on it’s own.

Leon reaches out his hand to her, beckoning her closer to him. She hesitates for a moment, before sliding forward towards him. (Y/N) watches him pat his lap, wanting her to sit. Her mouth drops open in disbelief slightly, but she follows his wordless instructions. She crawls into his lap, basically straddling his waist. Her arms cross her chest loosely again, suddenly feeling so cold. The way her dress rides up to accommodate the way she was sitting makes Leon’s heart skip a beat, still annoyed when those feelings bubble up because of her.

He looks up at her, studying her face. He tries to keep his eyes on hers, but she keeps her eyes downcast. His hand reaches up quickly, cupping the side of her face with a gentleness she felt she didn’t deserve. Still, her eyes won’t focus on his. Leon’s other hand comes around her waist, slipping down and choosing to sit on the swell of her hip. Her crossed arms tighten, her body almost becoming stiff.

“Look at me (Y/N)…” He whispers, watching her shake her head no.

His jaw tightens, startling her when his hand grips her hips just a little tighter.

“Look at me… just look at me…” He whispers, feeling her beginning to tremble. “Please.”

Her eyes, irises sparkling like clear water, finally find his. She takes in his expression as she uncrossed her arms, trembling hands coming up to smooth back his hair. He lets her, eyes almost closing from her touch. Both his hands are around her waist now, pulling her in slightly. She doesn’t notice, choosing to cup his face in both her hands. Her thumb brushes back and forth against his cheek, his arms coming around her fully now.

(Y/N) leans in, hands slipping down his shoulders. She pulls him in, both holding each other in silence. He almost rocks her back and forth, breathing her in. Leon wants her so much, more than he ever wanted anyone. Despite it all, he still needed her more than anything. She stops her tears, not wanting to make this moment anymore depressing for either of them.

This strange tenderness that was happening between them was comforting, her eyes closing as she pulls him in tighter. It felt normal, it felt right. Just to be able to hold each other after her confession. She couldn’t believe that her heart somehow could still shatter.

His hands wander her as much as he can, pushing her back a bit to be able to touch her more. Her hands remain stuck to his shoulders, hazy eyes watching those hands move up towards her chest. But he stops, whispering for her to put her hands back down in her lap. Hesitation crosses her face again, but she does what he asks. Leon’s hands come up to slowly pull down the straps of her dress, his breathing becoming more ragged.

She whispers his name, feeling him tugging the front of her dress down now that her shoulders were bare. He shakes his head, ignoring her. (Y/N) can’t move, swallowing whatever guilt she had to keep herself from crying. Leon sits up a little straighter, so that his lips can come against the side of her neck. He kisses her there once, before moving downward to her collarbone. Her bottom lip becomes caught in her teeth when he unzips the back of her dress.

His name floats from her to his ears, his heart beating faster now. (Y/N)’s hands move from her lap to start squeezing his shoulders.

Before she can even register what was happening, he roughly shoves her off his lap. (Y/N) cries out, startled at his sudden mood change. She falls awkwardly on her side. She begins scrambling to sit up, but Leon moves much quicker. Her unzipped dress begins to slip off her as she moves, doing her best to try and keep it up. Her hands reaching up to try and cover herself, but Leon grabs her wrists and presses them down into the floor.

She’s not afraid, despite basically being forced into submission through his brute strength. He scoffs when she keeps trembling, forcing one of his knees in between her closed thighs. Leon could feel the anger swelling in his stomach, ready to come up and taint his words with venom.

“This is what you wanted… isn’t it?” He says, watching her face flush. “You just came her to piss me off, you didn’t want to fix this…”

“Leon, I..” She stammers, trying to keep from crying.

“No. I don’t want to hear whatever bullshit excuse you’re going to tell me.”

His mouth comes down on hers, forcefully kissing her. Her hands continuing to try and break free from him but as he deepens the kiss, he feels her arms relax. Perhaps because she was trying to be calm or simply felt defeated, she would never be strong enough to push him off her. She kisses back, closing her eyes to try and keep herself together. Their kiss is messy, rough and wet. He pulls away from her to remove his shirt, tossing it behind him.

Leon’s bruise on his rib cage was still there but fading, but it didn’t take away from the fact that field work did his body good. A gasp leaves her parted lips as he kisses her throat again. Biting her roughly, making her cry out.

He pulls and tugs at the fabric of her dress, fighting with her to take it off. This goes on until she’s basically bared in front of him, clutching her naked chest and panting. Her hair is dishevelled; lipstick smeared across her mouth. (Y/N) was laying on the floor staring up at him, his body hovering above hers. He’s whispering something, mumbling so softly that she can barely hear him. Leon slips off her, giving her the chance to finally sit up fully. He felt like a complete and utter mess, everything was jumbled inside his head. His heart felt like it had fallen into the pit of his stomach again.

Her dress is a crumpled pile on the floor behind them; she can’t reach it.

“Did… did it feel good doing that to me?” He asks, standing up slowly and continuing to look down at her on the floor. “Was it that good? Did you enjoy it that much?”

She looks pathetic, almost hiccupping from the hard sob that came from her throat at his barrage of questions. (Y/N) shakes her head, either in disagreement or disbelief at his words. Leon had never been this cruel to her ever, never had this kind of vitriol in his voice before. She looks up at him, wiping her tears with one of her shaking hands.

“I made a mistake, ok! I can admit that… but this is-”
“You! (Y/N) said you wanted a boyfriend, you wanted to live here with me… all this shit… I did for you!” He gestures around the apartment, “Whatever you asked for, I’d do it.”

She goes quiet, while Leon gets into a rant about everything.

“You lied to me… you went behind my back and made me believe… made me believe that I was the one person you wanted…” His voice breaking, “I didn’t need another girl…all I ever fucking wanted was you!”

(Y/N) can’t respond, covering her face in shame. Suddenly, she feels his hand grasp her forearm roughly, yanking her up off the floor with some force. He shoves her up against the nearest wall, one of his hands coming under her chin to force her to look at him. A familiar warmth was building in her stomach. Nothing made sense anymore, she didn’t know what she was supposed to do. How she was supposed to feel. She felt rotten inside, every bit of goodness continuing to fade away.

Never wishing to have done what she did, the mess she made couldn’t be cleaned away easily.

He plants his mouth on hers so roughly that it hurt, kissing her deeply. Jealousy did something to him, all of Leon’s pride melted. She humiliated him, she had lied to him, but he wanted every bit of her. He didn’t care anymore. His hands wander her body, groping her breasts roughly. Her arms instinctively come around his neck, pulling him down closer for a deeper kiss. His kiss becomes needier, especially when she moans into it.

Leon was rightfully still furious with her, but he wanted her so badly. 5 months of not touching her honey skin, of tasting her or hearing her voice in a way he was only supposed to hear made him even more stir crazy. (Y/N)’s eyes are teary and hazy, leaning back against the wall to keep herself steady. The idea of this maybe some how healing the damage she did crosses her mind, at this point she would do anything to have some kind of forgiveness. Toxicity at its best.

The lovesick look on her face makes the heat of attraction flood his senses.

“I just wanted you…” He whispers in between kisses. “I still… I still want you.”

The embarrassment of feeling so turned on by her was pushed away quickly, it still amazed him with how she seemed to have him wrapped around her thin fingers. His senses feel heightened, loving the idea of having her give herself to him right now was almost too much. Leon was aware of how she could get whatever she wanted from him, by playing submissive and doing what he said. She’s taking everything from him, and he didn’t care.

She can do whatever at this point, he was too broken to care about his pride anymore.

“I need you…” He mumbles, he can’t think straight. “I can’t do this anymore…”

She nods weakly, letting out a surprised yelp when his hands grab her. Leon lifting her into his arms with ease, like she weighed nothing. He carries her bridal style to the not far off bedroom, dropping her onto their plush bed with force. (Y/N) tries to sit up but he crawls on top of her, slipping in between her already quivering thighs. He wanted to indulge in her body till he was satisfied. It was his time to be selfish, relishing in the power he felt when she reached up to touch him very gingerly.

His expression is unreadable, eyes darkened with apathy. He lets (Y/N) touch him, soft hands stroking his face gently. Maybe this won’t fix it, maybe it won’t make things right. But he can’t help the feeling of wanting to keep her beneath him, drowning in her ebb and flow like always. Even her gentle touch right now makes him feel like he’s bleeding out again.

Her hands cup his unreadable face, her one thumb brushing his cheek bone while the other runs over his lips. (Y/N) didn’t know what to do besides give in, being pulled in another direction again was something she still wasn’t used to. Leon stares down at her, stopping her from touching him by wrapping his hands around her wrists. She cries out in surprise, her body beginning to tremble.

“Don’t pretend you’re soft… like you care about me…” he whispers, his voice laced with frustration. He squeezes her wrists tighter, her eyes shutting and letting out the softest whimper.
“… is this your way of thinking I forgive you?” he whispers, his mouth coming down to kiss her throat again.

He continues to lay kisses downward to her collarbone, to the valley between her breasts. She sighs in relief when his hands loosen their grip on her wrists and move down her body, his mouth closing on her left breast. (Y/N) lets out a soft moan when Leon leaves a love bite on her breast, the deep shiver rolling down her spine knowing he was marking her body as his. Her whispered whine of “Leon…” was all he needed to keep going.

She’d say anything he wanted at this point. It felt like this was the only thing she could do.

She found herself in another anomalous situation, the people pleaser mentality she had was nothing short of blatant right now.

Strange feelings enter her system, the need to continue this immodest reconciliation was starting to feel okay with her. (Y/N) didn’t want to think about telling Chris this was how she sorted this out, imagining he would throw her to the hypothetical curb in an instant. This was a scenario that she never thought she’d find herself in, with no real happy ending. She didn’t know if she could stay after this, would Leon always continue to resent her?

Did this crime against their relationship change how he would look at her forever? Would he tell people about this?

Was this their last intimate moment together? One last hurrah for the memory?

It's not a conclusion she could come to right now, especially when she watched his head of tousled dirty blonde hair move further down her body to settle between her thighs. Leon’s facial expression changes to excitement when he pushes her legs open more with his hands. Pursed lips kissing and nipping all the way down her inner thigh while grasping the waistband of her panties. They’re slipped off easily, tossed and abandoned like the rest of their clothes.

Leon’s agile fingers trickle down her inner thighs, her eyes shut hard when he slips one digit into her. He watches her brows furrow when he slips in another, turning his hand to motion his fingers into a slow ‘come here’ motion. Her breathing is shaky; biting the inside of her cheek to try and stifle any sound she could make. (Y/N’s) hands bunch the sheets in her hands instantly when she feels his other skillful hand come down to assist.

(Y/N) feels her body beginning to shake. Her composure is melting; she was already so wet that she didn’t know if she could continue to keep herself quiet. The combination of his fingers inside her and the gentle circular rub of her clit makes her whimper. Leon almost smirks, those eyes almost deep blue now meeting hers in a teasing manner. What she did to him; it didn’t matter right now. Right now, she was writhing from the touch of his hand alone.

“… Does it… feel good?” He asks, voice husky and deep.

She nods, panting and unable to form any words. All she can do is take it, eyes opening wider to find his when he puts another finger in her. Leon’s breathing is picking up, the ache of his hard on against his pants is getting uncomfortable. (Y/N) closes her eyes again to focus, letting him take her to another dimension at this point.

She’s caught in the web of ecstasy once more, creeping closer to breaking.

“Leon… Leon…. I…” She whimpers, her thighs are trembling, trying to control the sobs that past her swollen lips.

Maybe it was because he hadn’t touched her in so long, but she almost forgot what it was like with him. He pulls away, a whine coming from her in that instant. She watches him with slightly watery eyes, seeing him undo his belt and pants. Her mouth falling open when he undresses completely, granted she had seen him naked prior to all this. But now to see him like this for her despite how undeserving she was made her dizzy.

The world around them is fading as he’s narrowing the gap between them, climbing back in between her parted legs. Everything seems to be in slow motion.

She looks down at his dick, mouth falling open at the idea of him being inside her like before. To feel him like this after all she did was more than she deserved. His hand comes under her chin to lift her face to his. Leon’s breathing harder, the noticeable change in his eyes was that of complete and utter lust for (Y/N).

“Just… just look at me…” He whispers, readying his heart to be deceived again after all this. “Only on me…”

Her head nods, appetite for him voracious at this point.

He didn’t care now, and he was certain she too was also confused about everything that was happening. Leon also didn’t think things would turn out like this considering what she did to him, to their relationship but he wanted her to take all his love. To take everything he was willing to give her right now. Sure, maybe it was pitiful, but he didn’t care how badly she treated him. Even if she might leave him after this, even if she completely hated him in the end.

Leon didn’t care that he might fuck everything up in this second. He wasn’t going to run away; he’d chase her if she chose to leave. Completely enamoured despite it all.

The decision to enjoy every bit of this moment was based on how addicted he felt about her. (Y/N) could play him for a fool again and he’d probably come back for more. The pain of being deceived almost made this time together just a tad sweeter. Perhaps, he was a glutton for punishment. A tinge of irritation overwhelms him when he thinks about how stupid he was, but it’s gone the minute he sees her lick her top lip.

He swears he can hear her heartbeat racing as he leans over her, lips almost brushing against hers as he speaks:

“I hate what you do to me…”

Her expression is almost like she was drunk, the heat between her legs revving up more at his words. He’s stroking himself as he lowers into her, the shakiness of her breath in is like music to his ears. (Y/N)’s head falls back into the covers of their bed, a garbled whine coming from her mouth. As soon as he entered her, the sooner he pulled out just to shove himself back in. Her walls clamped around him, a relentless pace right from the start. His hands clutch her hips tight as she reaches for his forearms, kneeling on the bed to keep her body at a particular angle.

The pleasured moans from both echo along the walls of their bedroom. His hips buck against her body, her hands no longer hold him gently. Instead, choosing to dig her nails into the flesh of his shoulders. Her big eyes looking down to watch him move in and out of her, each snap of his hips hitting that spot inside her that made her toes curl.

“I can’t take it…!” (Y/N) cries out. “I can’t take it Leon!”

He shushes her cry with a kiss. Leon’s tongue lashes against hers, muffled moans coming from her to be swallowed by him. (Y/N)’s mind flashes back and forth between Chris and Leon as she pulls him down to her, each doing something that tantalizes every fibre between her legs. It’s wrong, to think about him at a time like this, when Leon’s moving on top of her. Her insides felt like they were being tied together tighter, like the lightest tap could snap her in half.

It's too good, tears streaming down her face. If he really did hate her, he sure was treating her like he didn’t. Maybe this was how it was supposed to be for them, tangled together in a fucked-up mindset. Corrupting whatever notion that he had about love and relationships. He needed her, he wanted her and for some reason; he still really loved her.

Chapter 7: In the back of my head, we're already dead

Summary:

(Y/N) grapples with guilt and confusion after a moment of intimacy with Leon, despite their unresolved issues. She feels torn between her past with Leon and her growing connection with Chris. Leon expresses his deep affection for (Y/N) despite her infidelity and his need to maintain their dwindling connection. But he continues to struggle with the hurt and jealousy.
Meanwhile, Chris, feeling rejected, reflects on his growing feelings for (Y/N) while wrestling with his own insecurities. His longing for her is evident, yet he remains weary about pursuing anything further

Notes:

Ahhh!! Don't we love pining??? I do! :) Bear with me ok!

I will do my best to update this sooner as I am already working on the next chapter! My bestie is getting married the coming week and I will be busy so I wanted to get a new chapter out before the craziness! Enjoy my bbs! <3 You're all so lovely and nice.

Everything in the room is spinning and hazy. Whatever had happened before didn’t seem to matter. Things that were unspoken were left in the air; only the thick tension was still there between them. (Y/N) didn’t care about much anymore, just wanting to keep herself in this moment. He’s so different than Chris, svelte and lean body between her trembling legs. He whispers lewd things to her; his raspy voice was new. She liked it, but she did her best to not show it.

He's rough with her, hands squeezing her hips without remorse. Her throat aches from how loud she is, trying her best to keep her tongue between her teeth but it’s no use. It had only been five months of not doing this, but it felt so much longer. Their bodies thrashing together in a sloppy and hasty rhythm before finding the right syncopation, every bit of it making them burn up more. Her half lidden eyes focus in on his stomach, his abdominal muscles flexing with each thrust.

She’s pulling him down, and he’s pushing her to the edge. There’s something about this moment that reminds them of why they can’t get enough of each other. Why this tangible feeling of closeness is still worth chasing? Two lovers marred souls continuing to inflict that delicious pain on each other. There’s no reason they had to end up like this, other than that it was what they needed.

Leon can take it out on her, the pain, the hurt. All of it. She can take it, more than ever. A bed of nails she was gladly willing to lay on. He felt addicted to her, wanting her to kiss him, love him and hate him. A vicious cycle continuing to build between them, jealousy was eating at him even in this moment. The way the hot flush looks that travels up from her neck to colour her angel face is beautiful to him, all this happening because of him.

The idea of someone else seeing this is a threatening thought, instantly wiped away by the whisper from her of his name.

There’s nothing else to say right now. (Y/N) can feel his body tensing, she knew he was close. Her hands roam his body, one hand gripping his shoulder while the other holds his bicep. She was close too and it was like all the air from her lungs were expelled, head lolling back against the covers. It hits her hard. (Y/N) brings her arms around him to pull Leon down with her, his arms mimicking her to pull her close. Their sweat-lined limbs tangled together becoming one shape as he lets her ride out the ecstasy, body feeling so heavy like a bag of bricks.

It ends just then, Leon collapsing on top of her with ragged breaths. She’s gasping beneath him, almost feeling like she could die of thirst. She can’t think, his lips coming down again to kiss her once more. He rolls off her to catch his breath, the mattress making a slight creak as he lays next to her.

They were facing each other now, faces both flushed from their earlier embrace. Both are still panting as Leon reaches through the mess of blankets to brush some of her hair away from her face. Their world, the perfect filter had faded long ago and now they were looking at each other with new eyes. She didn’t expect this, not after what she has done and what he said.

It sinks in so suddenly, making her feel sick. Not from him but from her own choices, the filth that she can’t seem to wash off herself no matter what she did. How did he so easily make her melt again? They hadn’t been this close in sometime, it scared her. Her reasons to come here were clouded again by her own doubt.

(Y/N) sits up, surrounded by the blankets that are in a heap on the bed. She covers herself with her arms and gets out of bed quickly. Leon reaches out to grasp her hand, fingers roughly trying to lace with hers. She pulls her hand away harder; he lets her go. He’s watching her look around the room for something to wear.

“You’re really just going to leave again? After this?” He whispers, brows furrowing with his voice dripping in uncertainty. “Just like that?”

She doesn’t speak, her throat feeling like its closing up. What else was she supposed to do? They hadn’t been intimate with each other in 5 months, and this was how it happened. Her intention was to talk to him, not hate fuck each other.

“We haven’t really… even had a chance to talk about what happened yet, (Y/N),” He continues to speak as he sits up, “Don’t leave, come on…baby, talk to me.”

(Y/N)’s heart fluttering again, not sure what to say in the moment. She almost groans, hand running through her hair in frustration.

“Look Leon, I tried to do that, and you just wanted whatever the fuck this was…” She says, gesturing to the bed before going back to digging through the drawers, grabbing anything of hers. “I wanted to talk about everything but then it turned into… I don’t even know…”

“Don’t say it was just me that wanted that! It wasn’t just me!” He interjects, also looking around for his discarded clothing. “You were a willing participant; you weren’t exactly saying no.”

“That is besides the point! You were angry, I was angry… this wasn’t the way I wanted to do this!” She yells back. “You backed me into the corner! I didn’t know how to react when I didn’t expect… expect you to-”

“Stop! Don’t try and turn this on me! How else am I supposed to feel about this? About everything?!” He says back, voice stern now. “Was I supposed to just stand there and welcome you back with wide open arms and say: ‘Hey I’m sorry you fucking cheated on me!’”

His words stung. If he had been anything other than what he normally was; kind-hearted and fair. She wouldn’t even had come home to provide closure. If anything, she should have just come back for her things and left without a word. But she didn’t want to do that again, finding herself unable to sever whatever hold there was on this. She couldn’t do that to him, even if she was scared.

(Y/N) doesn’t reply, turning away from him before he could see her eyes tearing up again. Things were just getting ugly again. But how do you talk about infidelity really?

“Then what do you want to do then? Leave? Runaway again from the problems you fucking started?! Why are you upset with me?” He asks, watching her dress in a simple t-shirt and yoga pants. “You can’t just walk out on me again… just when things get difficult! Don’t leave.”

“I didn’t want it like this! I told you! How can I even… What do you fucking want from me, Leon?!” She cries out. “You’re… I can’t…”

It’s baffling, the further she seemed to delve into the worst parts of herself the more he seemed to keep reaching for her in hopes to bring her back out. There was nothing to reach for anymore, there’s nothing good in her for him. It was driving her crazy now. Her heart is racing faster, they had never screamed or yelled at each other.

There was no real emotion strong enough to define how she was feeling besides complete remorse. Not just the Chris thing, even this. This wasn’t what she wanted; this wasn’t going to fix shit. A band-aid. The wounds were still fresh, fucking each other isn’t going to make them go away.

He zips up his pants, coming closer to her as she pulls out her suitcase from the closet. She couldn’t do this anymore, not like this and not with him in this moment. This isn’t going to work. Leon tries to pull her into him, arms coming around her with his chest against her back, but she turns around quickly to shove him away. His expression changes to confusion, backing up away from her.

(Y/N) felt manic, dumping whatever was hers into the suitcase. Feeling hot tears streaming down her face again, his eyes on her as she sinks to the floor to sit. Defeated, strength waning from her muscles. If she left, where would she go then?

Back to Chris’ place? No, she can’t do that, not after this.

The idea of having to tell him what happened when she came back here, she shakes her head to rid herself of the thought. Chris had told her how he normally didn’t care about relationships, choosing to always distance himself but admitting he was finding it hard to do that to her. That he was okay with possibly exploring things with her in time if she let him. He opened up to her, showing her his vulnerable side which isn’t something a hardened soldier does easily.

He had consoled her, listened to her with the patience of a saint. Sure, he did bad things like her, but Chris promised he wouldn’t abandon her if things got more difficult. He was serious about being only a phone call away.

Would he judge her as much as she continued to judge herself? Knowing him, probably not despite how deserving of ridicule she was.

Her feelings for Chris were blossoming slowly, but the burning attraction was there from the beginning. It wasn’t going to go away just because she did that with Leon. There was so much lapse in judgment in her choice of actions today. She didn’t want to make things worse for either of them but here she was. There is no balance to these scales, there would never be. Leon continues to reach for her as she falls into that hole, feeling Chris’s embrace waiting for her at the bottom.

Floating in the middle as usual.

Everything seemed to always fall apart when she tried to put them back together.

He slips down behind her, trying to pull her trembling body into him. She elbows him, knocking him back onto the floor with her. He doesn’t speak, listening to her cry as she stuffs the suitcase with clothes. Leon was lost now; he couldn’t do anything besides watch her doing everything she could to get away again.

“Please…” He whispered, “Lets talk about this…”

She ignores him, shaking her head.

His world was shattering more, putting his head into his hands to cry along with her.

-o-

Chris spent the day working behind his closed office door, avoiding interaction with others. Only opening the door when it was time to leave for the day. He cleans up his space before looking at his phone.

No calls or texts.

It didn’t really surprise him. Certain that whatever silence he received was based on the fact she was probably having to focus solely on Leon right now. It wasn’t going to be an easy conversation, but he hoped she was okay. He hoped to hear from her sometime soon.

More so, he hoped to see her again.

The walk out to his car is unremarkable, so lost in thought that he didn’t even wave at anyone that he passed. Chris did his best to maintain a neutral expression, but it was hard to not feel worried. He knew he probably always looked just a little annoyed so it’s not like anyone would really think he was being out of the ordinary. Compared to how he was this morning, gleeful more than anything.

He pauses before starting his car, steadying his heartbeat. There was never a guarantee she’d pick him. Not once did she ever say she was going to break up with Leon for sure. He hyped himself up for no other reason than that he was confident. Chris puts on his sunglasses, the drive home feeling longer than usual. The breezy air coming through the opened car window doing nothing to calm his nerves. Chris can’t stop thinking about her.

It was the littlest things about her that set off his brain chemistry. The way her nose scrunches a little when she laughs, the way her muscles looked when they tensed in her back while she was beneath him last night. How she melted into him with each kiss. Too many things that were burned in his mind seemed so fleeting now, so deeply engrained in him despite how little time they had together. He wasn’t going to be too jaded if he didn’t hear from her anytime soon, he should be used to this feeling.

No point in mourning too much about something that wasn’t ever his in the first place.

Chris enters his place, quiet and dark as usual. Part of him hoped that maybe she would just be sitting in his living room, wanting to laugh at his own naivety at that thought. To imagine her just waiting around for him was stupid.

She’s got her own life, her own problems. Bigger problems than his.

He decided that it was going to be an early night for him. Not wanting to leave his place now that he was inside and away from the world. He already had her distracting him all day at work. He didn’t want to make excuses in his mind to see her, she was driving him crazy. He leans back against his front door when he removed his shoes, letting out a breath he didn’t know he was holding.

It feels like he can’t move. Thinking over and over about those bittersweet kisses.

This is why he didn’t want to do relationships. This is why he didn’t bother with women unless it was for a one-night kind of fling. Complications always come up, seemingly always falling for the wrong girl. Chris couldn’t help what he liked. Maybe it was because she belonged to someone else, maybe the idea of taking her away was something he wanted. He never backed down from a challenge but this was different.

Whether he wanted to admit it or not, it was very simple: he liked her.

(Y/N) just happened to be willing to play along with him. Too young and ignorant to really understand what she was diving into, but Chris gladly said he’d take the lead. He can’t say no to her when she was in his bed last night basically begging for him to touch her, wanting him to make her forget Leon. To keep touching her despite what had happened to her hours before. She kept making him feel like maybe things can be different, that maybe he could try to do the dating thing again. Maybe this can work.

To grow out of being labeled as the lone wolf, cold-hearted workaholic. To see things on the brighter side for once.

Not this time it seems. Fucking complications. Always never-ending. Always popping up at the wrong time. He makes his way through his place, thinking about how she was just here yesterday. Floating through his place like a pale ghost before they gave in to temptations again. He didn’t want to think about her in his bed, but he did. If the walls could talk, all the things it could repeat that she said.

Chris doesn’t want to break down, not right now. Not over something that felt like a flash in the pan at this point.

He shared more than his bed with her last night, the roll of her hips coaxing him to be more open-hearted.

“I had a girlfriend years ago. I liked her a lot, but work was more important,” Chris whispered, enjoying the view of her on top of him. “Least that’s what she said so… after that… I kinda decided that maybe relationships weren’t for me. I don’t want to say I didn’t care but it felt like one-night stands worked better.”

“I don’t want to sound like some dumb kid, and I don’t know what this is yet but… I’m finding it hard to have that mindset when it comes to you. I hope that doesn’t weird you out.”

She never replied to his words, merely shaking her head before leaning back down to place one chaste kiss on his forehead before kissing the tip of his nose, eventually kissing his entire face. Her gentle kisses seemingly feeling like healing herbs on marks she didn’t make, feeling the sensation of butterflies. Chris could almost feel his icy heart thawing at that gesture, she did things that continued to surprise him.

He shakes his head thinking about what else he had said to her last night, more than he had admitted to a girl in a long time. Chris stops in the doorway of his bedroom, staring at the neatly made bed. The note he left for her on the night table replaced by a different note. Chris was almost too eager to read it, moving the quickest he had all day to grasp it off the night table. Her writing is so light, like she was barely pressing the pen to the page:

“You’re too good to me. I feel better having been able to see you, even if it was just for a night. Thank you ♡ Always.” With her initials and a lipstick mark left on the corner of the small letter.

He sits on the edge of the bed as he re-reads it again, thumb rubbing over the lipstick print with sincerity. His soft expression hardening in frustration, crumpling up her note and tossing it on the floor. Chris falls back against the bed with a thud, one hand rubbing his forehead in irritation. He never felt so stupid in his life, laughing at this point.

It had been some time since Chris had been that close with a girl, at least close enough to start speaking about himself personally. There was a feeling bubbling up in his chest, almost foreign to him since it had been so long.

Hurt. Deep hurt. Wrapped up in a box with his pathetic pining for her. He wanted her to be here, to see her again and to forget what she was to someone else. Grey eyes stare at the ceiling as his own thoughts were becoming steadily unlike him. He liked his space, the ease of being able to do whatever he wanted. The freedom to come and go as he pleased, sleeping with whoever he wanted to. He loved never having to consider someone else when making decisions about his life.

So why was he wanting this again? What made her so different from the rest?

The complications, the waiting and not knowing. All those dips, turns and dead ends could have been avoided had he not noticed her that night. The magnetic pull of her eyes bringing him in, he knew she could feel it too. The mutual attraction was there, right from the beginning. (Y/N) was free to do what she wanted, and he was too ashamed to admit it would take time for him to get over her.

He hates himself, especially when she didn’t want to admit how what she was doing not only hurt Leon but him too. Despite what she did, she was trying her best to be considerate.

Thinking about her going back into Leon’s arms, her kissing him to make up for what she did. Leon wasn’t even aware that it was Chris that she did this with, least that’s what she had told him last night. He doesn’t want to think about it anymore, ruminating thoughts about them together was already fully irritating him. The thought of Leon’s hands touching her again was more than he could stand.

Up until now, he had done a good job of controlling his jealousy, but it was becoming harder to control the more she invades those dark places in his heart. Nothing felt the same anymore, her hands had reached into his chest and ignited something that he thought was dead.

A spark. One he was ready to snuff out this instant, but he can’t. Wanting to hold on to it for just a little longer.

In a way, he felt like this was a deserved spot to be in. This was a long time coming considering the other relationships he helped break down. Chris was adamant now; he was never meant to be the boyfriend. He was just the someone else.

-o-

(Y/N) finished packing up her suitcase, Leon steadily trying to convince her not to leave yet.
“Just stay the night, think it over… please, baby…” He says, watching her zip it up. “Listen to me!”

She stands the suitcase up, ready to wheel it out of the room but he grabs the handle of it. Stopping her again from leaving, she didn’t even know where she would go yet. (Y/N) just needed out.

“Give it to me Leon… I can’t do this right now…” She whispers, sniffling while wiping her tear-stained face. “You can’t force me to stay!”

Her hands try to pry his off the suitcase handle, but he refuses. She forgets the suitcase, getting ready to leave the bedroom. She still had a bag of things by the door, it would do for now.

“I can come back over the week to get the rest of my things.”

“Don’t go… don’t go please… not yet,” Leon says to her as he drops the suitcase, his now free hands reaching out to pull her in by her waist. “I love you…”

She looks up at him with shock, stopping in her tracks. It wasn’t something he had ever said, his eyes are full of sincerity. He wraps his arms around her stilled body, one hand running through her hair. The embrace he gives her is tight but it’s not uncomfortable, feeling him almost shivering.

“Leon… you can’t do this…” She whispers, “We’re not…”
“I love you… I do and I wish I didn’t…” He mumbles, “I don’t know why… why I can’t…”

His grip loosens, letting her back away from him. (Y/N) couldn’t speak, the lingering tension in the room felt so thick. It’s suffocating. She can’t look at him, wanting distance but also treading on the line of just staying one night with him. One night to fully give him the closure he needed, she was tired of this game.

“I need you…” He whispers, voice broken “I just… don’t leave yet, please.”

The damage to his soul was so evident now. The bared emotions, the ugliness she created with one mistake. The confession was just the cherry on top.

“I love you… I don’t want to, but I do…I really fucking love you, (Y/N)…”

It's wrong. All of this is wrong. Nothing would ever be the same again. She had strong feelings for Leon but not enough to reciprocate that word yet, it wouldn’t be fair. Even his confession now was doubtful to her. How can he really mean that after all of this? Was this just an attempt to hold onto her for a little longer? But his eyes don’t lie, it’s been there longer than she’d like to admit.

A confusing mixture of love and loathe for her.

Maybe before all this she could say it, maybe before she let herself turn away from him. Her feelings and her actions are inconsistent and in concise, it doesn’t make sense to say it back if she wasn’t sure anymore. Every fiber in her body still in shock as his expression doesn’t change, knowing he’s hoping for something. Hoping to God that she’d believe him, pathetic as that sounds.

The few and far between moments of clarity come to view in her mind. The feeling is there but she didn’t want to continue to hurt him. (Y/N) can’t form those words, not after all this. Not after all what was said and done. She merely opens her mouth to whisper, “I know.”

He turns away from her, reality feeling completely frozen at her lack of words. Leon’s jaw clenches, he couldn’t look at her anymore.

“…Just go…” He says, voice barely above a whisper.

She slips out of the room, letting him mull over his own words. (Y/N) stops to catch her breath, standing in the hallway with her hand over her heart. Somber eyes staring down at her abandoned pink dress on the floor, still crumpled in a small pile. Her brain being able to piece together a picture of their bodies tangled together on the floor.

She shuffles by it with a glassed over expression painted on her face now. She steps over it completely, not wanting to think about his hands taking it off her. The conversation they had in this hallway had strained them more, completely vexed over what to do. (Y/N) picks up the strap of her bag that was left at the entryway, pulling it over herself as she slowly slips on her shoes to leave.

The front door is unlocked, hand hovering over the door knob.

She takes one last glance down the hallway to their bedroom, remembering how much this place meant to her. How much it still means to her. Again, the hesitation enters her bloodstream. If she left now, this would be the final nail in their figurative coffin of a relationship. The emotional restraint it takes to hold back her tears was heart wrenching. She turns the door handle, telling herself to not look back again.

If she saw Leon’s face again, it would just pull her back in. Pull her back down into another night of anxious tears and fighting. She told herself that this was for the best, that he could do much better than her. If she wasn’t so afraid, she could have ended this much sooner. But she’s a coward to the core, choosing to run away again.

(Y/N) slips out the door, closing it as softly as she can.

She chews her bottom lip as she made her way into the elevator, taking it down to the parking garage. Where would she go tonight? Maybe she could just go to a hotel for the time being, she needed to clear her head. Without the distraction of either Chris or Leon. As she gets into her vehicle, she searches for the nearest hotel.

There was one about 10 minutes away from here. Perfect.

She calls the hotel, clearing her throat when the line begins to ring. Hoping she didn’t sound too melancholy, forcing herself to smile.

“Hi! I’m calling to see if it’s possible to book a room for two nights?”

-o-

The hotel staff were friendly when she showed up, checking her in rather quickly.

“Okay Miss, the elevators are just around the corner on the left, you’re on the 17th floor, room 212!” The concierge says, handing her a key card. “If you need anything, please do not hesitate to give us a call down here!”

She nods, smiling softly and mumbling a quick: “Thank you.”

(Y/N) makes her way to her room, wanting nothing more than to hide herself from the world. She felt like everyone could sense something was wrong with her, the forced smile she gave was mirrored back with a concerned one from the girl at the front desk. (Y/N)’s eyes were a tad red when she pulled in, laughing at herself in the rearview mirror before she stepped inside.

Oh well, they had probably seen worse in their line of work.

The lock opens with a click, heavy door pushed open to reveal a spacious room. (Y/N) turns on one light, eyes squinting at the brightness of the fluorescent bulbs above her. The bed is clean, spacious and inviting. Once the door shuts, she feels her knees buckle. Adrenaline from before was gone now, leaving nothing but painful aches and trembling calves. Her bag is dropped with a thud, shuffling like a zombie to make her way to bed.

She collapses on it, curling onto her side with a breathy sigh.

The days were blurring together, still amazed at how quickly things could go from a high to an extreme low. This had to be some kind of world record on how to fuck things up. (Y/N) had never felt so exhausted, the air conditioning in the room despite being at max wasn’t chilly to her. It felt nice, even if she was sore all over. Inside and out. A hot shower would probably help, but her limbs felt so heavy that the task of getting in there was so daunting that she knew she didn’t have the strength yet.

A little rest was needed. Just until she could move again.

She lays there in the partial darkness, the white noise of the a/c lulling her to sleep instantly. Still curled up on her side, body still tensed and broken. Somehow, she was still able to shed some tears, pooling at the corners of her eyes and slipping down her cheeks as she slept.

Her neglected phone is sitting among her things in her duffle bag, the phone screen lighting up with a missed call.

Chris.

-o-

He was slumped on his couch, ornate coffee table littered with a few empty beer cans. Her phone rang and rang till it went to voicemail, immediately hanging up without leaving a message. No point, for all he knew she was still there with Leon. Working on things.

He drops his phone onto the carpeted ground, arm coming to rest over his eyes.

Chris couldn’t handle the silent treatment anymore. Warranted or otherwise, the worry about her was gnawing at his insides the longer it went on. He hated himself so much right now, broken hearted and drunk over a girl who wasn’t his.

It didn’t help that he couldn’t rest in his bedroom comfortably, a dark miserable cloud seemed to be hanging above it. All the baggage they unloaded on each other, the worries that were left in his bed were still there. The shoulder he let her cry on, still marked by her sea of tears.

He was seemingly ghosted. Cast to the wayside, he wasn’t used to being on the receiving end of it. Usually being the one to disappear at a moment’s notice without much thought.

Then again, he was jumping to the worst conclusions. He was inebriated, lonely and lost in whatever feelings he had for her. He’d been alone for such a long time, a familiar feeling but he’d never felt this lonely for someone before. Those bewitching kisses did something to him. It was so strange to feel like this, spending so much time building up high walls that couldn’t be climbed.

She smashed through them all with the touch of only one of her dainty fingers. He let his guard down too easily.

Maybe she was just waiting for the right time to call him, waiting for when the coast was clear. Even if it was to just say “Hey… we’re done okay?”. Just one line to console his jaded heart, he’d disappear after that if that’s what she wanted. Chris was willing to do whatever for her.

He'd be fine with it, no hard feelings. What a lie he told himself.

Chris had a red flush across his face, sitting up groggily to stumble to the kitchen for another drink. Hoping to drown whatever sorrows he had, what would she think?

Would she find him pathetic? Would she turn away at the idea of him doing all this after only so little time? He knew how pitiful this was, he had seen it so many times with others at the office. Guys berating themselves into nothing over one girl. He didn’t think he’d be joining those ranks, reflecting on everything in the worse way possible.

He cracks open the can, bringing the ice-cold drink to his parched lips and downing a large gulp. Scattered thoughts firing off like bullets, zeroing in on the biggest one.

“One more call… I’ll call one more time then…” He thinks, wiping his mouth with the back of his hand. “Then… I’ll just go to bed… yeah.”

Chris’ heavy footsteps go back to his abandoned phone, reaching for it and noticing a missed call.

No voicemail but that’s okay too. Maybe she couldn’t leave one.

His heart thumps in anticipation, checking to see if it was her. Hoping and praying if anything. Mentally beating himself over the head at not answering right away. His dejected eyes scan the caller ID, almost squinting at this point due to the alcohol.

No. No, it’s not her. Of course it isn’t.

It's Leon.

Chris laughs, in full on disbelief. The karma he was receiving was ten-fold than what he was expecting, it was unbelievable. He tosses his phone onto the couch; it bounces once on one of the plush cushions before falling to the floor with a clank. The silence of the living room being broken by the vibration of the phone on the carpet, a new text message left by Leon.

Chris ignores it, slouching back onto the couch. He sits but feels himself falling over to his side, like he could pass out in any minute. Thoughts of her still fill his lovesick mind, despite how much he drank to try and smother them. Her honeyed moans reverberated around his head like a beloved melody.

He missed her. The endless pining growing and infecting him, deep in his bones now.

“For fuck’s sake…” He babbled to himself, almost laughing at how he felt. “Goddamnit…”

Chris falls asleep quicker than he thought, a drunk dazed smile on his face.

The text notification continues to beep, a small line of words floating on the screen.

“Call me when you can, I need to talk to you.”

-o-

Her eyes flutter open, sleepiness being rubbed from them as she glances at the clock.

It's already 6 in the morning, joints cracking when she sits up from her curled up position. A shower was desperately needed. As she walks over to the bathroom, she debates just taking the week off if she had to. (Y/N) strips down to nothing, the faucet spitting before a full stream of hot water pours from the showerhead. She stands under it, letting it flatten her hair as she closes her tired eyes.

No amount of sleep or hot water can take away the aches, lazily washing her hair. She was too worn out to do her usual routine, quickly adding conditioner before her shampoo is even all rinsed out. The washcloth is used to scrub herself raw, her hands somehow having the energy to roughly wash her skin. Hoping to feel cleaner on the inside afterwards.

It helps her muscles. That’s about it.

She rinses herself before turning off the shower, covering herself in one of the fluffy towels to exit the bathroom. (Y/N) doesn’t bother with clothes, dropping the towel on the carpeted floor as she slips under the covers. Naked skin being warmed by the thick duvet, the pull of sleep made all that much easier when she snuggles into the middle of the bed. While laying there warming up, she thinks about what to do. Her drowsy eyes narrowing down to her duffle bag on the floor, if she was going to take the week off then she needed to at least email her higher ups.

(Y/N) forces herself to sit up quickly, crouching to rummage through her bag for her phone. She doesn’t look at it till she’s back in bed, noticing two missed calls.

“Probably Leon again…” She thought, exhaling through her nose as she squishes herself back into the pillows.

Two calls, one from Leon and the other was from Chris. Astonished eyes stare at the too bright screen, her thumb quickly dismissing both notifications with one swipe. She lays the phone on her chest for a moment, respiring deeply to console herself. Before she can even begin to deal with that, she types a short email stating that she wouldn’t be in for the rest of the week.

(Y/N) decides not to use the word emergency, instead opting for “family issues”. It was the half truth; they didn’t need to know all the gory details yet. Certain Leon would probably be grateful for her need to stay quiet about this; she could do that much for him. After sending her manager an email, she goes back into her missed calls log.

Chris had called her before Leon did.

The amount of worry she must have caused both by not responding or calling back was nibbling at her conscience again. She bites the inside of her cheek, debating on what to do in this moment. It’s so early still but she knew both would be awake already. No matter who she called, either one would want to know where she was.

Her thumb hovers over the call log, seeing both their faces in the fragile cracks of her mind.

She hastily decides to call Chris first, closing her eyes as she hits his number.

Half praying that he wouldn’t answer her call, wanting him to ignore her the way he probably thought she was ignoring him. Her free hand bunched the sheets in her palm, knuckles almost white at how nervous she was.

“…Hello?” He whispers, voice like he just woke up.

“Chris?” She whispers back. “Did I wake you up? Is this a bad time?”

It's like their stars are colliding again, all those meteors that are raining down continue to break the surface of their already unstable ground. He can’t help the feeling of elation bubbling up from her calling him, even if it was just to end everything. Just one more chance to hear her voice almost feels enough for him. Starving for words from her, wanting her to make him feel something. Anything.

“No… no, never a bad time…” He said, wondering if he was still dreaming. “I’m glad you called me…”

The throbbing pain of his hangover is present as he sits up, but it subsides hearing her whisper on the other side. Her breathy purr ringing in his ears.

“I just wanted to let you know…” She whispers, Chris fully preparing himself for the worst. “I’m okay… things didn’t go as planned but I’m… mostly okay. I just wanted to call you to say sorry for missing your call… I actually passed out early.”

He leans back against the couch cushions, sighing into the receiver before clearing his throat. The array of cans on the coffee table in full display in front of him, trying not to kick any of them over as he adjusts his posture.

“Yeah… I figured you’d be busy so no worries…” He says with a voice still kind of gravelly from sleep, “Are you… at home?”

“I’m… not but-“

“-Why didn’t you call me to come back here?” Chris asks, there was a steely edge to his question. “You still have my spare key… so you didn’t even need to call me to come back you could have just-“

“-Cause I didn’t want to put you on the spot,” She interrupts him, tone just above a murmur “I wasn’t ready to see you again...”

Again? He feels his heartbeat flutter at her choice of words, hoping she meant it. There is silence between them, losing the restraint to keep himself from being too forward. Fuck it, what was playing safe going to do now?

“Where are you right now?” He asks, hearing her sigh.

“I’m at a hotel for now.” She whispers, watching the sun light shine through the small cracks in the curtains. “Just for two nights…”

“… Can I see you?”

“Chris… I don’t know if…” She whispers, pushing back the strands of her wet hair away from her face.

“-It doesn’t have to be right now… not for long either…”

Uneasiness floods her bloodstream again, the last time they met it ended up with her in his arms again. Would that happen again? She didn’t want to continue being that weak; to constantly hope he would lick her wounds. Feeling so tempted by his question, licking her top lip before answering him.

“… Can I think about it?”

Chris nods, even though she can’t see him. He understood where she was coming from, clearly something big must have happened if she was at a hotel instead of at home. Is that why Leon called him?

“… That’s fine, I don’t want to… push you or anything.” He whispers, “You just have to tell me no and I’ll stop.”

She has a gentle smile on her lips, Chris can hear it. (Y/N)’s stiff frame relaxing at his words, hand not gripping the sheets anymore. The choice to do what she needed, what she wanted. (Y/N) felt grateful that he wasn’t being hostile about meeting up, it was something she wanted but she also needed to get some sleep. To clear her head some more before seeing Chris again. She doesn’t know what she would do if she saw him now, imagining herself only being able to collapse into those strong arms.

Wanting him to hold her, cradle her till things felt OK again. There isn’t enough time in their universe for that to happen. To feel anything else besides this tremendous pang of guilt and hurt.

“Chris…?” She whispers, breaking the silence.

“Yeah?”

“Thank you.”

-o-

Chris had decided to work from home today, not like his bosses would even care that much. He went in for briefings when ordered to, staying merely for the convenience of already being there. Fieldwork was more of his thing; he didn’t enjoy the monotonous paperwork. But it is what it is. Least he had the flexibility to be where he wanted to be.

He downs a painkiller to subdue his headache, choosing to drink only water today. The stupidity of how he acted washes over him, wondering why he always assumed the worst. Old habits die hard; he saw the glass half empty for most things. But her calling him, that was enough to keep his head above water.

But now he had to deal with Leon, wondering why the younger agent would even call him. They used to be close, thanks to Chris’ little sister but not so much anymore. Working in different departments changed how they saw each other. Never much outside of work anymore, always in a professional situation. The stories and jokes they told each other forgotten as the missions got more dangerous, but he still considered Leon a friend.

He trusted him to get a job done; he wasn’t a bad guy to work with. He was a steadfast friend as well, willing to help him out back in the day when Chris needed something or someone. Even just to have a drink after a long day. Those feelings could change depending on how things are beginning to play out.

Chris glances at his phone, opening Leon’s text and quickly typing a reply:

“Hey sorry for missing your call! I was in bed pretty early… what’s up?”

Wasn’t a total lie. He did go to bed early, more like passed out but still. He was going to do his best to still be a good friend, even if he wasn’t. If Leon ever found out the kind of betrayal Chris took part in, the way Chris smiled right in Leon’s face as he helped lie with (Y/N) would be detrimental to their friendship. There’s no going back after that, he didn’t even think Claire could help mend anything if it came to that.

Chris takes a seat at one of the high bar stools in his kitchen, laptop already open on the kitchen island. He begins checking his email, his phone lighting up in his peripherals. A disinterested look crosses his face before picking it up to read whatever message Leon left, eyes scanning the text with surprise.

“It’s cool, can we meet later?”

In any other circumstance, he would immediately say yes. But knowing he was supposed to possibly see (Y/N) later, he wanted to keep his schedule open. She hadn’t even given him a real answer yet, but he wasn’t about to try and fit anything in if it meant she might give him even a minute of her time. Chris stares at the message, humming and hawing on what to say. He decides to say yes, he could always ditch early if things started to get weird.

Or if she said to come see her.

“Sure, just text me where and when!”

He doesn’t bother looking at his phone for the rest of the morning, actively trying to focus on the piles of documents stacked on his desktop. The hangover he was experiencing wasn’t that bad, the painkiller already doing its work to keep him going. Chris’ mood was on a rollercoaster, exhilarated about possibly seeing her later. Of possibly being able to hold her or even taste her lips. He didn’t want to get too ahead of himself, that’s what caused such an immediate downward spiral yesterday.

It's hard not to feel excited about her, especially about seeing her alone. The idea that maybe he still had a chance. Chris does his best to stop the thoughts when they start leading down that path again, if she wanted him that way he’d give in easily. He can’t say no to her. But he didn’t want her to think that was the only thing he wanted from her.

He wanted to be honest with her. Chris was ready to put it all out there. To tell her he thinks about her all the time now. That he thinks about where she is and who she’s with. It was like having a schoolboy crush again, it was ridiculous to him still. She did something to him that made everything in this fucked up situation make sense. (Y/N) was incredible, even if she didn’t think she was.

He didn’t want to put her on a pedestal, he know she wouldn’t care for that. Chris was aware about how she felt about herself, (Y/N)’s self esteem wasn’t the greatest. She didn’t talk badly about herself, but she didn’t see things in herself that were commendable. Especially now. Chris didn’t view her as a picture-perfect girl, it wouldn’t be fair to put that kind of pressure on her.

Like him, she had flaws but he didn’t care. He liked all of her, wanting to learn more about her every time he had a chance to be in her presence. Everything about her was something new to experience again. As much as he did enjoy that about being with her, his rational side still wanted nothing to do with a reciprocal relationship beyond sex.

Their world was already on fire, did they really want to continue pouring gasoline on top of it?

But when he thinks of things like her small, soft hands in his, he felt his icy heart melting so quickly. God, she was awful for that, so cruel to make him wonder about the possibilities. Making him think of lovey-dovey things was so childish, he could punch himself if he wasn’t already smiling like a dope.

Chris was fucked either way. Good or bad.

He didn’t care about how stupid he was for her right now, least now things seemed less complicated on her end. Sure, she was probably devastated but he was willing to wipe those salty tears away. To turn her cries of sorrow into ecstasy. One word, he’d do it all for her. Chris was probably getting too obsessive about it, reminding himself to pump the breaks before reaching the edge. He just wanted to keep feeling this way, for them to be two fallen stars that were about to crash and burn.

He didn’t care. Chris just wanted to see this to the end. To watch the sun set on this scene if it meant he had one more chance to feel her hand brush the side of his face, to have another taste of this poison.

But it’s there, lingering in the back of his mind. He wouldn’t admit that he thought that they were already dead in the water.