Chapter Text
It was an odd feeling.
The looks, the whispers… the judgement that lay in everyone’s eyes who saw her. The feeling made her want to flee and retreat back into the shadows to avoid it. To get away from the suffocating feeling.
Alma felt like an outsider in her own home now. Nowhere to run to and everyone to run from. This was her new reality.
Even five days had passed since her avatar’s death and one Mercer had died in that explosion… she had resisted taking the ride to meet the kids at the oversight despite the… reluctant offer Anqa gave. So she turned it down. She wasn’t wanted there and… she didn’t wish to talk to the kids. Not that she didn’t want to but none of them had tried to seek her out since Ri’nela had buried her avatar. Never tried to cross paths and if they had to, they ignored her, even as she hoped to catch their eye but… that hope was fading.
Maybe they would… eventually.
How long would it take for them to look at her? Let alone talk to her? Ri’nela’s anger was palpable and it made her nervous to be around that. Her side still had the phantom sensations of Nor’s blade which bristled whenever she got close or near to a riled or fast-moving Na’vi.
Her headache was fading now as the severing link had caused some backlash but now she was medically cleared by Nalin and had no other concerns beyond getting her weight up and the human body cared for.
But that was for later. Alma’s fingers tapped absentmindedly along the edge of her shitty office. Just a private area where a rickety table was set up with a monitor and supplies.
In essence, her resignation as leader of the Western Resistance. No good reputation, people unwilling to talk to her, let alone follow her requests and no avatar. She had no power here. No respect. Better to… hand it over and be done before it was pulled from her desperate hands.
That had to be the right step, right?
It had to show she wasn’t desperate or too prideful… and sooner or later, they would replace her. Not if, when. Who they’d replace her with, she didn’t know but she had sent a notice to Norm about the change of leadership and was awaiting his reply.
On her tablet, she had written out all that she knew for the next leader; what they needed to memorise, other resistance contacts, resistant locations, supply lockers and importantly, all the passwords. She didn’t change them since they were secure but she wouldn’t tell anyone the meaning behind them, most were dates of personal importance. They’d be more secure in the next leader’s hands without context.
Her fingers paused before she sat back in her chair, blowing out a huff of air before she turned the tablet off and reached for her cup. A tea of sorts, now made human-safe but didn’t taste overly good to her in this body. In her avatar, the flavours were deep and floral and just… content. Her favourite tea. Now it was more bitter and had a more sour undertone with the treatments they put it through to make it safe.
Shame she couldn’t drink it normally and be done with it. Everyone would want that.
Alma winced at the thought, guilt rising to the surface. No, she shouldn’t…think like that. Even if it crossed her mind before, it wouldn’t do anything in her favour. She’d be seen as too much of a coward to die by her own hand before she could try and redeem herself. The easy way out… validating those who hate her that she couldn’t cope with her loss of control… and the loss of the Sarentu.
She set the cup down, tittering a little at the undertone and the coldness and pushed herself to her feet. Tucking the tablet under her arm, she slowly made her away from the sanctity of her refuge and ventured out.
Her skin felt like crawling as the familiar sensation of eyes bore into her. Her gaze remained mostly on the floor as she walked, her cheeks heating a little but she kept her pace brisk and purposeful. She found a mask, slipped it on and sucked in the scentless, filtered air before she stepped into the airlock and the breeze of the exchange ruffled her clothes as she strolled through the large space towards the other door and soon enough, it opened straight to Teylan.
Teylan jumped back, his eyes turning wide for a moment before he dropped his gaze and looked away from her with a frown.
“Teylan, I-“ Alma opened her mouth to speak.
“No.” Teylan shook his head, sharply interrupting her in a strained voice. “Just… please, no.”
Alma’s shoulders sunk, stepping out of the airlock and letting him pass in but she watched him for as long as the doors remained open but he didn’t look back at all, just grabbed a CO2 canister and scurried away from her.
That didn’t feel good.
Her hands gripped the tablet, swallowing down her unease as she let her eyes wander across the Na’vi set up outside. Kame’tire also looked like they had settled with the few Zeswa and Aranahe who had made the trip and were settling but there was a lot more than she expected to see. Fires had more kindling being stocked, food qualities had grown and she could see large wheels of cheese from the Zeswa being tended to by a dairy crafter and the cooks by the fire.
Instruments were piling up and… there was no mistake there was a build-up of an event happening. A party?
Her eyes found Ri’nela directing a few people with stuff about, Na’vi and humans alike and clearly in her element. She knew Ri’nela had taken over her role before when she had been injured and had done so well and it was clear to see her assessment of her was correct; Ri’nela would make a good leader someday.
The tablet felt heavier in her arms now.
Was this something she could just… hand off onto Ri’nela’s shoulders? She didn’t exactly plan to give Ri’nela the mantle but to ask her to find the right person for the job. She doubted anyone would accept if she asked them directly so.. she couldn’t be the one to decide.
So’lek would have been one of her options if she didn’t know for certain he planned to leave the resistance when they no longer needed him. he was here for the cause… and for the kids. She didn’t expect Ri’nela to take the mantle either given her training to be Tsahìk for the Sarentu and there was a feeling that the Sarentu would walk away from the Resistance at some point.
It hurt to think… but it was the only logical course the kids would have to develop and retake their places.
Soon, they wouldn’t be needed.
Redundant.
Like her.
Alma pushed those thoughts aside again and forced herself to move ahead.
Tamtey was the first to notice her, touching Ri’nela’s elbow and pulling her attention to her approach and… Alma resisted the urge to stop and turn as the Tsakarem’s eyes narrowed in displeasure and a tightening of her jaw.
Her heart thudded heavily in her chest, her stomach feeling queasier and her side ached a little. They weren’t Nor, she had to remind herself; their hands weren’t by their weapons.
So’lek was about, seated by the fire but she was aware his attention was her way as well, probably (and hopefully) keeping things from escalating.
“Cortez, what do you want?” Ri’nela was a little blunt, “We’re a little busy right now.”
Her mouth felt parched but she kept her gaze steady. “I noticed. A party for celebrating Mercer’s downfall no doubt.”
Ri’nela hummed once to confirm it but it was clearly very closed to her.
Honestly, Alma hadn’t kept up to notice the resistance do it themselves inside but it did explain why she was mostly left to her own devices since she got up. She hadn’t noticed. She loosened her grip on the tablet, offering it out to her.
Ri’nela’s eyes dropped to the tablet in her hands sceptically. “What is that?” She didn’t take it.
“I… figured that once things began to settle now that the RDA aren’t currently around that I’d be asked to step down from my position Jake left me in.” She said tightly, not meeting Ri’nela’s eyes. “My resignation, so to speak.”
Tamtey stared at her intently in surprise. “You’re… actually just handing it over?” she sounded almost unconvinced.
“No one’s listening to me anymore,” Alma responded back. “I can’t lead them… not any more. Not without my avatar and—“ She didn’t finish, flustering as Ri’nela scoffed a little with a shake of her head.
“Your position here was never about your avatar,” Ri’nela stated, waving her hand about a little. “You got the job because you knew the area and had a way in with the Aranahe. Nothing more.”
Alma gritted her teeth, forcing away her frustration at the rebuke. “I’ve already informed Norm at High camp in the Eastern Resistance about my change of position. He’ll be expecting news of my replacement by the end of tomorrow evening. The Password is 040536. Don’t leave it lying around unless you want to compose the safety of the resistance.”
Ri’nela didn’t take it, and neither did Tamtey but Alma just set it down on their log and walked away, feeling the glare get more intense but there was no shouting after her by the time she slunk into the airlock.
It was empty, allowing her to let out a deep, shaky breath. It was fine… she was fine.
Once shit was sorted… things would settle further but she had her science background to fall back on at the very least. Studying the Na’vi… the world, she could return to that. She wouldn’t be completely redundant out here. A job she could keep to herself. As lonely as it was, it would be enough for now.
It had to be.
The other door opened and she discarded her mask back into the usual spot and headed towards the kitchen for some food. It was almost empty, aside from Anqa heating up a rations pack in the microwave and the polite barely gave her a look as she took a protein bottle and a simple ration bag and sat at the available seat beside the table to be out of the way. She didn’t bother heating it, just ate it cold. Unappealing either way but it wasn’t like there was a lot of options until they did a salvage at some old RDA sites.
“Oh, Anqa!” Priya’s voice echoed as she strolled in, “Jason wants a word with you and Jax. He and the others are talking and want your input.”
Anqa’s posture stiffened a little, looking at her sharply and made a very odd noise.
Priya’s head cocked in confusion. “What?”
“Never mind.” Anqa pulled the bag from the microwave, hissing before she dropped it onto a plate. “Oh, that’s…I did stupid.”
Priya giggled a little, her hand coming to Anqa’s. “I can kiss it better.”
Alma didn’t watch their PDA and glugged down her drink with a grimace at its flavour and discarded the packets into the bin.
She left the two to it, locating her mattress on the floor in the sleeping area, tucked out of sight but left otherwise alone so she sat down with a quiet huff and pulled her personal tablet out from under the pillow and pyjamas and settled down for some mindless reading. Too early to consider bedtime but downtime… she needed. Tomorrow, there might be a better plan in motion.
Maybe…if things didn’t improve, she could consider a field lab. Private, alone and she had a wider range of things to access without the looks. A tempting thought. She knew the Sarentu might actually be relieved at it too; they always looked to be on edge whenever they wandered. Because of her… most likely.
She did wish to speak to Teylan and explain to him her side but now it was clear he was setting boundaries with her and… not allowing it. She didn’t blame him but… she felt like she needed to talk to him.
Tamtey was the most… cool-headed about it out of all of them. Or perhaps neutral was the best word to describe it. Her interactions were distant and measured but not as cold as Ri’nela’s. Not as harsh either. She was tolerating her, if Alma had to guess but… it didn’t feel nice. Not that it overly mattered but it could lead to something later if she could catch her alone.
Alma’s fingers brushed lightly over the biometrics for her private files and she just found herself floating through some of the… old files. Not really from TAP, but personal video logs and photos that she had from her time there.
Mostly the images that appeared were of the same people. Her, Him and her.
She stopped on a single photo for a moment, her heart aching with a familiar sadness but…it felt good to feel that one.
It was a photo of her, fast asleep in her bed. Laying back with her arms splayed a little, the blankets half off her lower legs and the six-month-old baby fast asleep across her chest, conked out and one hand grasping into her vest and drooling into her breast, the baby’s dark curly hair wild.
Alma flickered to the next, a later photo of a man, bare-chested on their bed and frozen in the act of trying to pull the baby from his chest, her little fingers at his nipple and her mouth open. Mistaking it for one she could nurse from.
Her lips curled a little at the image, her throat tightening.
“Who’s that?”
Her head turned sharply to see… Jin-young looked to be settling on his own mattress, looking at her tablet as he pulled off his boots.
“My… husband, Michael and our second daughter, Hope.” She said, her voice cracking before she coughed to clear it.
Jin-young’s eyes widened. “You…were married? I had no idea you had kids”
Alma nodded softly, not sure how to really answer it. “Not anymore.” That itself would tell what happened.
Jin-young’s expression fell, looking genuinely apologetic. “I’m so sorry…”
Alma shrugged, “It's fine. I’ve… kept it to myself. Never saw reason to tell anyone.” She admitted, “They’ve been dead a while. Samson accident from TAP’s school to Hell’s Gate.” She added for context.
Jin-young’s eyes remained sad. “I’m sorry.”
Alma sighed deeply, flicking a new photo of Hope’s first birthday…and last. She’d be dead two days later. Still, she had...pushed that aside for a while… just to not feel that pain. It had been twenty-four years since that tragic day. Now was not a time for that grief either. Later.
“How did you cope?” Jin-young’s voice wavered.
“I had worked to do. Mercer didn’t allow for compassionate leave. Not for me, Not for even for Colonel Harding when her sister died in that crash. My classes with the kids were cancelled a day later after Aha’ri’s death for a week…. Yuayt committed suicide sometime after when the other kids turned on him for apparently ratting them out to Harding. I don’t remember a lot of that…my head wasn’t in the right place but I don’t know what the kids went through in that week once it all hit the fan.”
Jin-young’s face fell the more she spoke, highlighting how useless her words were for him.
“I’m sorry.” Alma offered him a tired look. “I can’t help you with your loss and pain.”
Jin-young nodded quickly. “Sorry for asking.”
They settled into silence so Alma just continued to flick through her tablet quietly.
“<Anitalee,>” The tall, Na’vi woman spoke as she pushed though the Na’vi tent flaps and bent down to her fellow clan mate who was looming a beautiful new piece for a cowl . “<We must discuss moving on, our presence makes the Hulanta clan too uneasy for further trading or interactions.>”
Anita’s head rose, her painted lips coming to a delicate downturn as her ruby eyes, only darkened by a little thirst lingered on the pale Na’vi for a second. “<They’re going back on the agreement, Sasta?>”
The agreement had been four weeks ago, work for supplies as the clan did not originally wish to host them with their human companions but they needed time to settle for Anela to give birth in peace. A compromise they had which almost always worked.
“<Mìtsreng almost bit the Olo’eyktan when they touched her by surprise this afternoon, they saw her teeth sharpen and eyes darken…>” Sasta spoke, her own thirsty-black eyes baring a little into her sire. “<Stories will spread. Na’vi will not understand my daughter’s nature. Half Na’vi, half vampire… it’s too much for them. We cannot stay. We must leave.”
Anita rose to her feet, setting her loom down with an intense seriousness which was a relief to see. “<When the others return from hunting in the next hour, we’ll get the tents together and the dire horses loaded up. We can travel northwest for a fresh land entirely. A new frontier. Let the people here cool their fears. We can come back in a few decades.>”
“<The Clouded Forest should be our next destination,” Sasta offered, her lips pulling up a little. “<Less Sun exposure, more fog is optimal for us. The Kame’tire are reclusive and should accept us to be on their land without interference. Hope will want to search through old sky-people homes that are in that region for food and information about her parents.>”
“<Sun down. We can travel in the dark without concerns.>”
It wasn’t an old discussion, they always spoke of their options if they had to leave or flee their hosting clan’s territory with a moment’s notice and it had been that way for nearly two decades since Anita had saved her from dying from a lanay'ka dart. She feared death and going to Eywa so soon and so she had agreed to it.
This new life came at a cost but one worth it despite the uncertainty that their woman’s vampire nature could continue on into a different species like the Na’vi. Her mate was still a mortal man while their children were birthed since lived between their two natures much like the human variants of Dhampyrs they had, favouring hers but with the warm heating heart of their father.
Still, they were nomadic for this very reason, their nature was too much for many Na’vi. Even if they never told them much, they sensed something was different.
“<I’ll hunt quickly so I can be at full strength. I’ll also pick some of those flowers and fruits that are safe for our humans.>” Sasta said, knowing it could be a while until they could properly find good food for them and the ever-present struggle but they always found something.
“<Okay.>”