Chapter Text
Azriel nodded at her. “What happened to you?”
She knew what he meant: the black eye that was finally fading. Her hands and chin had healed, along with the bruising on her body, but the black eye had turned greenish. By tomorrow morning, it’d be gone entirely.
“Nothing,” she said without looking at Cassian.
“She fell down the stairs,” Cassian said, not looking at her, either.
Azriel’s silence was pointed before he asked, “Did someone … push you?”
“Asshole,” Cassian growled.
Nesta lifted her eyes from her plate enough to note the amusement in Azriel’s gaze, even though no smile graced his sensuous mouth.
Cassian went on, “I told her earlier today: if she’d bother to train, she’d at least have bragging rights for the bruises.”
Azriel took a calm sip of his water. “Why aren’t you training, Nesta?”
“I don’t want to.”
“Why not?”
Cassian muttered, “Don’t waste your breath, Az.”
She glared at him. “I’m not training in that miserable village.”
Cassian glared right back. “You’ve been given an order. You know the consequences. If you don’t get off that fucking rock by the end of this week, what happens next is out of my hands.”
“So you’ll tattle to your precious High Lord?” she crooned. “Big, tough warrior needs oh-so-powerful Rhysand to fight his battles?”
“Don’t you fucking talk about Rhys with that tone,” Cassian snarled.
“Rhys is an asshole,” Nesta snapped. “He is an arrogant, preening asshole.”
Azriel sat back in his seat, eyes simmering with anger, but said nothing.
“That’s bullshit,” Cassian spat, the Siphons on the backs of his hands burning like ruby flames. “You know that is bullshit , Nesta.”
“I hate him,” she seethed.
“Good. He hates you, too,” Cassian shot back. “Everyone fucking hates you. Is that what you want? Because congratulations, it’s happened.”
Azriel let out a long, long breath.
Cassian’s words pelted her, one after another. Hit her somewhere low and soft, and hit hard. Her fingers curled into claws, scraping along the table as she flung back at him, “And I suppose now you’ll tell me that you are the only person who doesn’t hate me, and I’m supposed to feel something like gratitude, and agree to train with you.”
“Now I tell you I’m done .”
The words rumbled between them. Nesta blinked, the only sign of surprise she’d allow.
Azriel tensed, as if surprised as well.
But she sliced into Cassian before he could go on. “Does that mean you’re done panting after me as well? Because what a relief that will be, to know you’ve finally taken the hint.”
Cassian’s muscled chest heaved, his throat working. “You want to rip yourself apart, go right ahead. Implode all you like.” He stood, meal half-finished.
“The training was supposed to help you. Not punish you. I don’t know why you don’t fucking get that.”
“Because Azriel asked if someone pushed me down the stairs. Because you said I should train and earn my bruises through fighting. Because Rhysand forcibly restrained me at the River House before demolishing a building that was home to 20 tenants and families all because I got drunk and spent too much money. Before locking me up here with you two as my jailers.”
“I should have picked the human realms at least they would make my death quick instead of keeping me on a leash to humiliate and torture until you either decide I’ve done enough penance or Rhysand gets annoyed enough to kill me.”
“Stop being ridiculous, Nesta. Rhys wouldn’t kill you. Feyre would never allow it.”
“And without Feyre? How long would it take before Rhysand would get tired of me and send me to the Court of Nightmares? Morrigan has already brought it up as a suggestion.”
Cassian’s mouth gaped open at that.
“Not two minutes ago, you told me that everyone hates me. Excuse me for not believing that this isn’t exactly what it is. A punishment.”
She stared him down. “You’re either an idiot or a liar if you believe otherwise. I have no patience for either.” Nesta turned away but paused to look back at the doorway. “Report back to Rhys whatever the hell you want. After the consequences you mentioned. Tell me again that it isn’t punishment.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Cassian let out a heavy sigh, “Do you believe that?”
Azriel paused then calmly took a drink from his wine. “Yes.”
Cassian looked up affronted. “You think we are punishing her?”
“Yes. I don’t think that’s the only thing you’re doing but yes I think that’s exactly what this is.”
“Az, you’ve seen her. She hasn’t been the same since the war. She’s destroying herself. She needs help.”
“Is this helping?”
“It helped Feyre. The training, work, a purpose.”
“When Feyre was locked in a manor against her will, Rhys nearly started a war in order to get her out.”
“This is different. We care about Nesta.”
“Tamlin was engaged to Feyre. Lucien cared for Feyre and yet here we are.”
“It’s not the same thing, Az, and you know it.”
“Enlighten me as to the difference.”
“Feyre was afraid of him and had no freedom.”
“We’ve taken Nesta from her home, forced her to do what we want, and from this conversation she’s scared of us. Probably with good reason.”
“You can’t mean that.”
Azriel went silent.
“You’ve never said anything before now.” Cassian deflected, “You joked about whether someone pushed her down the stairs.”
“Which was wrong, and I am going to apologize to her for it. What are you going to do, Cass?”
Azriel left Cassian sitting at the table with no appetite.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Azriel knocked at Nesta’s door. There was no answer. “Nesta, it’s Azriel. I’d like to apologize if you are willing to talk to me.”
A wary looking Nesta opened the door a moment later. “Why would you apologize?”
“I shouldn’t have joked about someone pushing you down the stairs. I’m sorry, and I wanted to let you know that I don’t hate you.”
“Why? You should.”
“Why should I? Do you hate me?”
“No, but I let your high lady risk herself hunting and was useless in the war?”
“Interesting definition of useless for someone who provided a meeting spot with the queens, talked to the high lords, scried for the cauldron, and went up against Hybern. And shouldn’t you hate me for letting you be captured by Hybern and put into the cauldron.”
“This is a useless conversation. I forgive you, and I don’t hate you. Can we let that be enough?”
Azriel nodded in deference. “I would also like to make amends. Please let me know if there is anything I can do to be of assistance.”
Nesta opened her mouth to speak, but looked hesitant for a moment.
“I’m serious, Nesta.”
“When it happens, I’m sure they’ll discuss it with you beforehand. If they’ll allow it, would you be the one to kill me?”
Azriel recalled, “Nesta, I-”
“Please? I feel like you would be the one to make it as quick and painless as possible, not like the cauldron. Just endless agony and cold. I know they might ask you specifically to prolong it and if that is the case I release you from any obligation, but I think I would still rather it be you. I can’t bear looking at Rhys, or Amren, or Mor, or even Cassian in my last moments and knowing they’re taking pleasure in it.”
“Nesta.” Cassian’s horrified whisper brought their attention to the end of the hallway where Cassian stood transfixed.
“Well, I suppose that is a moot point,” Nesta murmured quietly, giving a halfhearted smirk. “I’m going to bed. I’m sure you’re whole happy, little circle will hear about this and be here in the morning. Goodnight, Azriel, and thank you anyway.”
“Nesta, wait.” Cassian said, a tear on his cheek, but Nesta just shut the door with a click of the lock.
Cassian rushed forward as if he might break down the door but Azriel grabbed him and pushed him back away from the door.
“Outside now, Cassian.”
“But Az, I need to talk with her. She-”
“I mean it. OUTSIDE.”
Once on the balcony, Azriel finally let go of Cassian who crumpled to his knees.
“I didn’t realize- How- She- Az, how do I fix this.”
“I have no fucking clue, Cass.”
“She thinks I would take pleasure in killing her.”
“Well, you did just tell her you hated her 45 minutes ago.”
“I didn’t mean it. I would never. I just want her to be happy. To be the way she was before the war.”
“Well perhaps you should have tried having a civil conversation with her before you guys went with this plan.”
“I’ve tried to talk with her. We always end up fighting.”
“And you always rise to the challenge and attack her. Have you ever taken a step back to see when and how Nesta lashes out in conversations? It’s usually in response to something. Nesta and I have rarely if ever had a heated, unpleasant exchange.”
“That’s because you hardly ever talk, Azriel.”
“Well if the only thing you’re going to tell her is that everyone hates her, maybe you shouldn’t be talking to her either. I’ve posted a shadow at Nesta’s door. Don’t even think about talking to her until tomorrow.”
Chapter Text
Cassian didn’t sleep at all. He’d paced back and forth in his room for hours before feeling so stifled he left to pace the length of the house. He was still too restless, the house too stifling. Flying might help expel some energy, but the thought wracked him with guilt since Nesta couldn’t leave. They’d trapped her here for weeks and he couldn’t even handle a few hours.
At the barest hint of dawn, Cassian found himself in Azriel’s room. “I have to fix this.”
“No, shit,” Azriel murmured, then pulled the covers back over his head.”
“Az!”
“What do you want from me, Cassian?”
“I want you to leave with Nesta.”
“What?” Azriel slowly sat up in the bed.
“You’re right. She’s right. We’ve trapped her here against her will and it’s not helping her or healing her.”
“I want you to take her somewhere she will actually be helped and taken care of.” Cassian swallowed, “And… I don’t want you to tell me where it is.”
Azriel’s gaze sharpened on him.
“I want you to bargain with me that you won’t tell another soul where she is unless Nesta gives you direct permission. Not me, not Feyre, or Rhys, or even Elain. She can start over completely if she wants to.”
Azriel seemed taken aback for a moment, “Are you sure brother?”
Tears formed in Cassian’s eyes. “She’s scared of me, Azriel. She honestly thinks I would harm her or kill her and take pleasure in it. I would do anything for her to know that is not the case, but right now more than anything she needs to feel safe. Will you help me?”
Azriel nodded.
Cassian breathed a sigh of relief. “I’m going to go talk to Nesta, and then I’m going to have her come find you so you can take her where she needs to go.”
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Nesta found Cassian pacing alone. He looked awful. He had run his fingers through his hair so much there were strands that seemed matted and tangled. He looked as if he hadn’t slept which might explain the frenetic tension that seemed to be driving his ambling around the balcony.
“Where is everyone?” Nesta broke the silence, alerting him to her presence.
She had dressed carefully and braided her hair in her signature immaculate crown braid, expecting a confrontation. To her surprise, there wasn’t even anyone around to winnow them.
Cassian let out a sigh, “We’re not training today or going to Windhaven.”
“That bad, huh? Shall I pack for the human lands or assume that one of you will take care of it like last time and whisk me off without notice?”
Cassian looked so guilty at her statement that Nesta found herself growing alarmed. She looked away from him and willed her voice to come out icy and unaffected. She would not give him the satisfaction of seeing her fear.
“Will it be Hewn City this time? An Illyrian war camp? Sacrifice me to the beast from the library?”
She paused and met his eyes. “Will you end it?”
Cassian’s face crumpled with such devastation. She reached a hand out to brush away a tear from his face, echoing the last time she had faced death with him. Perhaps he was also remembering the promises he had made to her.
“Nes, please stop-. I- I’m sorry.” He was crying now doing nothing to stop the streams of tears falling down his face.”
“It’s alright. I don’t hold it against you. I asked for Azriel, but I don’t mind that it’s you. At least you're not reveling in it like Rhysand would. I’m a little surprised he’s not here to enjoy it.” She was rambling now. Her nerves getting the better of her. You’ve already died once, pull yourself together. “I think I might be a little relieved, at least neither of us will be shackled anymore. It’s alright.”
“It’s not alright. Stop. I could never hurt you. I know I’ve done nothing to prove it to you, but it’s the truth. Please believe me.”
She took a step away from him. This was all too much. The fight. Azriel’s apology. Cassian standing before her crying.
“I’m sorry, Nesta. I’m so, so sorry. I should never have let things get to this point. I should have talked to you. I- I can’t believe I let you fear me.” He turned away from her and squared his shoulders.
“I’ve asked Azriel to take you away from here. Anywhere you want to go. Back to your apartment. To another court. To another life. Anywhere. Your choice.” He turned back to face her.
“I’ll set up an account for you so you can start over without feeling tied to any of us. Or afraid of what we might do. Azriel will have the directions to access it, but it will be solely in your name to do with as you please and I won’t have any access or information for it. Neither will Rhys or Feyre.”
“I’ve also bargained with Azriel that he will not reveal your location to anyone without your explicit approval. Not me, not Rhys, not Feyre, or anyone.”
Nesta felt her head spinning. It couldn’t be true. Was she dreaming? Was Rhys in her head testing her? Was this all a misdirection and punishment was coming later?
Cassian knelt before her and continued solemnly, “I would also like to make a bargain with you. I vow to never hurt you no matter whose orders I’m following. I vow to listen to you and not just talk down to you or make demands. And I vow that even my loyalty to Rhysand and the night court will be secondary to this oath.”
“What do you require in return for such a bargain?” Nesta asked, unable to meet his eyes and hear the stipulations of such an oath.
He took her hands and squeezed them. “Live, Nesta. Find what makes you happy and live. That’s all I want for you. I’ve done a shitty job at showing that but that’s truly all I could wish.”
“And you wish to bind yourself to this oath for eternity?” She asked doubtfully.
“Without question.” Cassian said with the same conviction of when he promised her to defend the innocents in their manor in the human lands. That thought made her want to trust him like she had at the time. Still she hesitated. What would it mean? What would they think?
“Please, Nesta?” He pleaded, still holding her hands.
“Alright, I agree.” With that, Nesta felt a tattoo form on her left shoulder.
“Thank you, Nesta.” He pressed a kiss to Nesta’s hand, and another tear trailed down his face. “You should pack. Azriel will be here whenever you are ready to go.”
Lissamz on Chapter 1 Sun 16 Feb 2025 10:59AM UTC
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