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Lonce upon a time a uhm 18 year Okd man owned a dawn winerry with his kittle sister AMMBER. They lived Very Happily until Their father died due to using diluc’s soon to be ultimate burst. They became fatherless and had to hire maids to Help Them clean up the stinky and dusty floors and house itself. This was 2 years ago. Unfortunately, they Aare Not Good At Helping Themselves. They Are Only Good At Helping Others. Diluc was very useless and so was ambe badk then. It was pretty sad seeing 2 adopted children born to different families try to help themselfes and fail. Eventually they were At the PIOINT OF starfing. Dilic and @:/3$Amber decided ”we Need Help" And so they got more help that wa more useufl thentbhe Maids and they Hired Juicy Grape Farmers Ato Plants Those Graps Because They Hungry and they hewrd Grapes very Powerfful
anyways Thei wwas the past and now they live So Happily!!!!!! End Of Beginnnnnnnnnnnnnner Story Past!
”I’m so gay” was dilucs first speech of the day the next morning. Amber was sleeping right beside him, and responded, "diluc. what the fuck is wrong with you. who are you even gay with you lonesome looking depressed gloomy ass bitch.” Diluc tookk that very seriously. ”You’re lonesome too, you 15 year old sassy ass.” This was a very good and casual morning. In fact, this happened so often, they just accepted this as their daily routine. ”shut the fuck up. now stop saying random ass speeches every fucking morning.” Diluc thought this was a good idea and started tripping and falling down the stairs painfully and repeatedly. Amber laughed and thought Diluc nearly dying, almost to death anyways, was funny. Diluc did not. In fact, he did not like this so much, that he grabbed a toy knife and started jabbing Amber’s left thigh. Amber screamed and fell down so hard on her left side that she started saying slurs to Diluc repeatedly while screaming. This was a very normal morning, so normal in fact, this was apart of their daily routine. Anyways, moving on, he stared at the kitchen with Amber. ”Fatty, let’s race.” Amber politely responded, "sure, bitch.” And so they went.
He went downstairs to the kitchen, still wearing his really big and stupid nightgown that reached to his ankles. He felt like shit from falling down the stairs all the way but he made it to the kitchen yay! Yay! He wa s so fuckin hungry like he could eat all of sumeru that hungry.
Dickluck was eat grape, fun. He love grape. Grape grape grape grape grape!!!!!!!!!!! Mmm yummy grape yumyumyuym!!!! Oo mmm yum!!!!!!!! Anyway he was ate the grape. Singular grape. It was the size of a watermelon so he ate really slowly. Like really really really slowly, he took one bite every five minutes. It was that big.
“diluc what the fuck are you doing.” Amber stared at her dear brother, who was squatting on the kitchen floor holding that very massive fruit. He stared right at her wide-eyed, “ASMR.”
She sat down beside him, “what is that.”
“Sit down with me.”
Diluc pulled out recording equipment from the small cabinet right beside them, a mic, camera and everything.
“Okay so you like, bite the food and stuff.” he bit into grape, a yum crunch curnch crunch came from it and it sounded too watery it was so uncomfortable.
“diluc i am allergic to grapes.”
“Oops” Diluc grabbed the tiniest little watermelon you would ever see in ur life!!! “You can have this”
Diliuc suddenly felt a big ol pain in his throat ouch ouch!! “Owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie owie” he repeated and repeated to himself.
“diluc you’re also allergic to grapes.” She stared at him, “we’re going to the church now, since hospitals don’t exist.”
Amber dragged diluc out of the house and to their pyro car. Yes. it’s a car made from pyro, the element. It was really hot but they liked it cuz it was pyro. Amber threw diluc intio the back like a hostage situation and locked it. “Amber please im dy” he yelled, abd she ignored him as she open dt he drivers seat and started the car. “Vroom vroom vroom” she said to herself as she began to pull out of the driveway. Chaos ensued as she drove right into mondstat’s gates with the flaming car, civillians were being burnt alive as the car drove past them, even a few were ran over and turned to a crisp.
”I think I’m lesbian.” Diluc suddenly said when it was 6:35 in the morning. Good god, another normal and casual routine of day! How fun, after the ASMR video, him nearly dying to grapes amber sorta dying to grapes as well, and no hospital around! Then, they became religious and prayed to god in the church. After all, Amber thought it was really funny anyways.
Anyways, moving on, Amber angrily responded, ”fuck you you lazy ass bitch get a move on like last time. i’ll shove those damn grapes down your throat before you can shove grapes in mines.” Due to this anger-infused tone, or, well, yeah, speech, angrily, yeah, Diluc punched Amber in the stomach. ”Take that you dick.” To this, which Amber contracted with, and with Diluc thinking she was acting like a nerd, responded, ”i have no dick. i have women.”
”What the fuck does that mean?” Diluc said confused. Obviously, anyone would be confused by this remark, right? Diluc thought so anyways. ”it means, i have women unlike you. ass.”
”Wait, you’re lesbian? Like me?”
”diluc, i am done with you. goodbye.” So then, Amber walked out of their house and started stomping away to Liyue. Of course she did take a shortcut and swam to that one path behind Dawn Winery. Wait, how do you take a miles and miles trip over to Liyue from mondstadt? Well, that’s pretty stupid of Amber to think she could go over to Liyue.
Things happen, though. I suppose, anyways. But, moving on to dilucs reaction to this, ”Amber, wait. I’m going TO FUCKING BEAT YOUR DAMN GODDAMN ASS. GET THE FUCK BACK HERE!!” Diluc yelled, but of course Amber was too far away ro hear Dilucs bird call. So then, Diluc turned into a bird and started flying so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, so, fast that he eventually managed to mimic the suns hot emit.
Of course, realistically, this is impossible. Yet again, somehow, diluc did turn into a literal fucking pyro sun emitting bird. So maybe you could too! We sure do love hot firey life around here. Anyways, Diluc crashed into Amber, setting her headband on fire. Dear god, her poor headband. I think she might turn bald, or maybe not, considering we are all on crack. ” diluc, this is exactly why im done with you."
"Wait, I’m sorry! I can uhm, redeem myself, if you know what I mean." He smirked, knowing this 'redeem myself' was actually an ol’ trick used in the book. In fact, this particular phase, in basic and non-paragraph, simplistic form means: ‘We are here to grab your soul and make you shit your actual pants. This will make you go so far as to shitting so hard, you will go to Nasa Space itself. You will see the Big Burger, yes, renamed, clearly because the Big Bang is too simple. So, Big Burger.’
"diluc, you know I am 15 and well clearly know, this is an ol' trick in the book." Oh my god, she repeated my phrase!!!! Copycat loser. "Amber, you know I love you as your older brother!! Please with my cherry on top and my grapes– I mean, my, uhm, yeah, uhm, strawberries and watermelons on bottom!"
"diluc, shut your mouth before i set a whole ass baron bunny ready, locked and loaded to explode in your mouth to set it on fire so you may never speak again. perhaps your organs and bones may blow as well. maybe your fucking fa–" Before she could even finish her beautiful most utmost, prettiest, beautiful, yes, i said that twice, beautiful, now thrice, paragraph of gruesome events that may happen to lil' diluc.
HOWEVER!! Diluc OFFENSEIVELY, TOTALLY, MOST UTMOSTLY OFFENSIVELY, interrupted her fabulous paragraph. "Amber, I swear to fucking god. Are we going to Liyue?" Oh great. A whole 'nother topic and for what? I liked the organs exploding part especially, Amber, good on you. "yeah, what about it, freak-head?"
" Just for your information, no, I'm not scared. Shame on you."
"oh yeah? what about my baron bunn-" Again, she was interrupted by the so spooky and scary noise of.. A FUCKING STUPID ASS HILICHURL HORN NOISE. GOOD LORD, DID THESE SCARE ME!
"Amber, duck your fatass head down and let me handle this. I am very clearly stronger then you." Oh, of course he was comparing. He was the older brother, after all. Shit's a little stupid, atleast to Amber. "cant you let me handle one thing. like, distract the damn hilichurls? not like you can."
"This is insulting to me, you know. Now shut your ass up and do as I say." She did as he said, but reluctantly.. and hesitantly. "fine, bitchass motherfucker crispy wet owl chicken lookin' thing." She muttered under her breath. If diluc heard it, he ignored it. Because they were literally one inch away from eachother. So, 50/50 he heard? Sure.
"RASHHAHGGGGGGGGHHHHH!!!!!!!118817272737738291998383738291901019Spin Me Right Round Baby Liks A Record Baby, You Spin Me Right Roun Baby Like A RECORD Baby Wooh Ooh Ooh Ooh!!" He sang this as he charged through, becoming sun bird. Again. for no particular reason. He just wanted to do it for fun, knowing full well there was a 50/50 chance he could die.
Yes, this young man can die. Shocking, I know. I don't even know his age. Damn, and they say I'm a diluc fan. I'm so ashamed and shock of mys– "If I, I get to know your name
Well, if I could trace your private number, baby
All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your lovin' arms
I want some, want some
I set my sights on you
(And no one else will do)
And I, I've got to have my way now, baby
All I know is that to me
You look like you're havin' fun
Open up your lovin' arms
Watch out, here I come
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round
Like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round
Like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round
I (I, I, I), I got to be your friend now, baby
And I (I, I, I) would like to move in just a little bit closer
(To move in just a little bit closer)
All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your lovin' arms
Watch out, here I come
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round
Like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round
Like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round
I want your love
I want your love
All I know is that to me
You look like you're lots of fun
Open up your lovin' arms
Watch out, here I come
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round
Like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round
Like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round
Like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round (I want your love)
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round
Like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round (I want your love)
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round (I need your love)
Like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round (I need your love)
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round
Like a record, baby, right 'round, 'round, 'round (I need your love)
You spin me right 'round, baby, right 'round" Dumbledore said calmly. Wait, jesus christ, did Diluc jus– Oh. Oh my god, the power of.. the power.. THE POWER OF SPIN RIGHT ROUND BABY WORKED!! HE DEFEATED HIS CHANCE OF DYING AND DEFEATED THE HILICHURLS INSTEAD!!
Good thing he didn't die, or else Amber would be left sulking and then suicide herself. Tragic death, right? Reminds me of another one. Oh boy. Anyways, moving on from that, awesomeness radiating from Diluc's sunburnt ass, Amber was in complete shock. "did you just– no, you didn't you sang the whole fucking lyrics of spin me right round baby? No way. No way." Diluc was in shock, as he looked back at the 7 full pages of paragraphs, landing on that "No way. No way." with his finger. Holy shit!!!!!! Amber said.. She said capitals!! No wa– Oh shit, I'm being infected too. Whatever. "Yeah, I'm so fucking cool."
"uhuh, do that again and impress me again then." Diluc thought this was an easy job and only ended up singing 'Miss Templeton's 7000th Dream'. "Oh, fuck, sorry, wrong song."
"uhuh. loser."
They both walked away so peacefully and happily, as if nothing had just happened, and what they had both witnessed with their very own pupils, their very own eyes. Amber's eyes are pretty. I'd kill for them, not gonna lie. Diluc maybe needs surgery. I think his burst of sun bird god thingamajig really ruined his face up. Back to me and mc being on drugs!
"Hey, are we living here now? Cause this jackshit of a holy place of town and shit is gonna drive me crazy eventually." He sighed. Dramatically. Prom queen? No? Wait, nevermind. Scratch that, sorry. "maybe. we didnt walk all of these damn miles for nothing, after all."
"Darn, you have a point! Maybe we really should just leave our maids maidless. Opposite of us, right?"
"you jackshit you– oops, not jackshit, i dont wanna be like you. you fucking dumbshit of a piece of crap, that's not how it works. maids can just be hired from one 'nother to another. that's how it works. fucking smarter then you and im 15, for gods sake."
"Dear lord, slow down on the curse words. I don't– actually, I do use alot, but that's because im older for fu– for darns sake. You're damn 15 and use way too many at your older brother."
"well damn, too bad for you. its not like you have my vocal chords, do you." Yes, Diluc is so fucking desperate, he so badly wanted to point out that she didn't use any curse words this time. Oh, if only their friendship– wait, no, not friendship, I am the stupidest person in the world.
Oh, if only their sibling relationship was better then this dump shit. Oh, this is way better content then sibling natural, healthy, sometimes fighting, but mainly nice to eachother, relationships though!! We're such great people.
"But, you.. fuck it, nevermind. Let's get some fish." It was at this point, that he noticed, he SAW, that a big ass fish tuna.. was on sale. And, to his very own ugly ass baby-crying eyes, it was a weapon. To him, anyways. I don't know how genshin actually allowed this fish tuna weapon, but who the fuck cares! It's funny and it's actually good for diluc. Surprising, right? No. I've seen enough of these fish tunas in my life. Goodbye. "Woah, new weapon for me! No more huge ass actually cool looking rainslasher (cool named) weapon anymore for me! More dumpshit un-cool looking fish tuna weapon. Whoopee!!!"
"diluc, are you out of your fucking mind. i swear to god, someday, i will beat you up with a huge ass fucking bow." It was at this moment, she predicted her future. Of course she'd beat up diluc for days with a huge ass fucking bow! Maybe even designed by herself. Yeah, she definitely already predicted her future. Anyway.. HOW MANY FUCKING TIMES HAVE I SAID THIS. "Someday, you will. But right now, you're uncool. Unlike me, I'm so much fucking cooler and better then you, you have no damn idea."
"i hate you so much, i am following you."
" That doesn’t make sense. Learn how to use grammar properly."
"i'm not even fucking joking, mr. grammarly. you're my new app now. "
“Since when the fuck did you get a whisp of Grammarly the app existing? What the actual fuck is wrong with you and your internet ass."
"shut up, let's get a move on."
"Wait, let me purchase this big ass tuna." He walked over to it and paid it with.. a certain Ed Sheeran's ginger haired.. bitch.. mora. HOLD UP A FUCKING SECOND, how'd he get a whisp of this ed sheeran's mora? Well, to put the story short, he basically just robbed it out of a grandpa who supposedly forgot his wallet. Specifically, not even a grandpa. Lookin' like a 30 year old mid man. "i thought you were poor and didn't have any mora, or, well, we."
"I stole it, don't worry. I'll steal more from that grandpa next time." "you're horrendous. a criminal. i would turn you in if you weren't my older brother and my only advisor around here, otherwise call me homeless."
"But we're homeless right now."
"that's not how it damn works. we can just go back to where we came from before. Stupid."
"Sassy."
"shut up. now can we get a move on?? i wanna go to that wangsheng funeral parlor–" Hu Tao jumped in front of them. "Clients? Please, I do so very need clients! Perhaps you need a burial of.." She looked at them both up and down. "Uhm. Father. You guys are fatherless."
"oh, look, ding ding ding, she guessed it right! this random woman from the wangshenf funeral parlor guessed it right! and oh boy, i seriously doubt you could've guessed it like her."
"Really? Well, I seriously doubt you would've either!" Luckily, Hu tao pushed them both aside. Of course it's lucky. You don't want a random sibling fight in the middle of the fucking streets, after all. It's pretty inconvenient, you know?"
"Well, sorry, m’dam, but I'm pretty sure my younger sister, STUPID ASS FUCKING SIBLING, is the stupidest sibling in the whole entire fucking world."
"Oh, too bad. I wish I had a sibling, I guess! Anyways, let's get you to wangsheng funeral parlor." They followed Hu tao up the path to where wangsheng funeral parlor was at.
"Man, this is pretty gloomy." Diluc said, un-nervously. I think. I wasn't even there in the story, anyways. "of course it is, you freak-show, you damn scared ass bitch. cowardly the dog if he was reincarnated as an ugly red haired freak who has baby-crying eyes."
"Coming from the stupid ass fucking bunny wearing a literal headband when she's 15. Grow up, kid."
"you're acting as if like i'm not your younger sister. treat me better if you want a family."
"Well darn, it's not like I want one in the first place. I could've lived peacefully if it weren't for your willings to go over to Liyue just because we had a small argument. I thought this was casual, a normal routine."
"guess what freakhead, it never was. now shut up. Hu Tao'd be a better sibling then you baby-crying freak."
"Stop saying freak, you're scaring me."
"I FUCKING KNEW IT, YOU LITTLE COWARD." Hu tao broke it up, for the second time. "Now, now, let's get your father buried so I can get paid."
"Fine, here's my mora."
"So soon? I thought.. the protocol was.. bury first, then get paid, but alright! If I was a scammer, I would've scammed you alright by now. But I feel like that sunny aura coming off from you would scare a scammer alright. Anyways, thanks for the mora anyways. Oh, shit, I hate my sentence. I wish I can change it back. Oh, if only I had google docs! If only!"
And so all had gone well, surprisingly, Hu tao kept her word and did not scam the scary almighty diluc with his baby-face! As they venture on.. "that was nice. i liked burning our father."
"You what? Excuse me?"
"sorry, our father reminds me too much of you, ultimately meaning i'd love to burn you."
"..Pleasant, I guess. Oh, hey, there's a fucking medic area over there! Let's go check it out, even though we have no injuries. I would love to fucking injure your goddamn ass for fucks sake if I could! But, oh no, this is public. Not our private LITTLE HOME YOU FUCKING RAN AWAY FROM AND I HAD TO GODDAMN FOLLOW YOU LIKE A DOG. I AM SO ASHAMED OF MYSELF, BUT OH WOW! I COULDN'T ABANDON OUR LITTLE POOR LITTLE SISTER BEHIND, COULD I?"
"fuck you mean our? it's not like you're another person or there's another person with us. anyways, i wanna go to that medic place too actually. so i can burn you and cry about it." "Are you a fucking shithead, or just stupid?"
"isn't that the same thing."
"No, but okay."
So they walked up, the opposite path of Wangsheng Funeral Parlor. Oh, cool, opposite. I actually used that. "oh my fcuking god, its baizhu. he coughs every single time even when he goddamn runs. its annoying but it was worth pulling for him and spending 15$ for him. he heals me and his ult is so worth. also, i like looking at baizhu."
"Amber, shut the fuck up and stop acting like Lived. Let's go talk to this green mosshead son of a bitch who looks like a girl with that goddamn crop-top."
Baizhu of course coughed as they went in. "Shut the actual fuck up I have you at gunpoint." Slithering around Baizhu's neck was Changsheng, who turned out to be sassy. I actually once thought it was Chongyun and not Changsheng, but my eyesight's failing. Sorry. Changsheng spoke sassily, yeah, in a fucking tone of course, "You shut the fuck up before I bite that neck of yours, inject venom into you, and make you die quicker then Baizhu."
"Goddamn, does everyone in Liyue have a tone for fucks sake?" He stared at the sky and wondered. Wow, this was such a sad and peaceful scene. It's almost like I went into another show. Wait, this isn't even a fucking show. This is on digital paper I can actually edit on! Isn't that so cool.
"Changsheng, shut it. You've annoyed me more then on–" A cough came in, and he ran to the back and started coughing his fucking liver out that everybody there started laughing except for Qiqi and that stupid ass fucking shopper. Shopkeeper? I even forgot his name he's so forgettable nobody will ever remember him. Moving on!! Oh, and, yeah, I hate that shopkeeper. Bitch only sells 10 violetgrasses each and it's fucking 10k mora. What kind of deal is that? Fucking dipshit if you ask me. Baizhu came running back.
"I'm back. Anyways, you dipshits need medical help? Cause I have a new assistant for help."
"wwwhhhhatttttttt, nnnnooootttttttt meeeeeeeeeeee..?" said a small voice, which was obviously Qiqi. Holy Shit, She's The Size Of Xiao! And, due to my non-calling, but calling, I don't even know what to call it at this point, Xiao suddenly popped up and appeared. "what's up girlie pops, yo, my name is Xiao, i have cool features and even made up my own musical song called: ten hilichurls. its not like i stole it from hu tao."
Everyone was surprised as fuck at the sight of the most emo person in the whole entirety of Tevyat, Xiao. And, of course he's anemo too. An Emo. Of course it matches.
"What the actual fuck is going on in here. Amber, sign language for me. I wish to not speak here again in the midst of all of this chaos." Yes, it was quite literally chaos. Qiqi, Baizhu, Stupid Ass Fucking Shopkeeper Who Should Burn, Changsheng, oh darn I didn't put changshang next to baizhu, and Xiao. That's not even including Amber and Diluc. That's goddamn 5 people already. It'd be 7 if I counted Amber and Diluc, but they're the main characters so of course not, I shouldn't count them! Besides, everyone knows basic math besides the stupid ass fucking baby-face-just-like-dilucs kindergarteners and first graders. Oh, and pre-school. Fuck them all babies. Wait, that sounded wrong. Shit.
"diluc, this is why i ran from mondstadt to fucking liyue."
"Well, sorry. Oh, wait, I'm not supposed to talk." In the midst of conversation, I will end this paragraph. Because, I mainly suck.
Amber did sign language for Diluc. Average sibling bond, I know right? Their bond is so special, sweet, cute, and adorable that they argue and say curse words at eachother every single fucking time! Of course, nobody fucking understood. So all they did was look at Amber. Besides Baizhu of course, because anybody would think a dying doctor who can't even cure his illness that's not supposed to be cured because of Changsheng's curse would understand sign language! Know why? It's fucking obvious, fuck-bitches. It's because he's probably dealt with stupid deaf people before. Sorry, did I offend deaf people? Well too bad, deal with it. Nobody I know is deaf, and I doubt they'd read something like this unless they're the most sensi–
"Amber, do it fucking better. Oh, shit, I'm not supposed to talk." "stop fucking forgetting before i stop doing sign language for your ass. you don't even need sign language in the first place." She didn't give Diluc a chance to process what she just said in that 5 second learnable half-paragraph and stopped doing sign language for him. So, eventually..
"Shut the fuck up everyone. You guys's voices are ringing inside my head and golly, do I feel like Zhongl–" Zhongli appeared suddenly. "What the actual fuck is going on. I think I'm in a fever dream or something. Can somebody wake me up for fucks sake?"
"No, You are Not In Fever Dream. You Are Irl."
"What the fcuk is with this grandpa's grammar? I swear to god, I think I just experienced 8 different languages at the same time! Someone wake me up from this fever dream."
"Again, I SAID you No Fever Dream Because You Are In Irl."
"Shut the fuck up, grandpa." Diluc slapped Zhongli's face like a girlie pop drama hit show. "Darling, I am messing with you."
"I'm not your fucking darling. Get the fcuk away from me. Get out." Diluc pushed Zhongli off the stairs.
If you were wondering why I never mentioned the others, it'z because they were all in gaping surprise to see a old man (he's.. 30.. a mid man.. not even an old man.. but.. realistically.. he's a grandpa..) come up here out of fucking nowhere. "Fuck YOU!" Diluc shouted as Zhongli tumbled over, breaking all of his ribs and bones. Eventually, everybody else snapped back to life when Zhongli was confirmed dead by Liyue Officers, yes, I forgot their name because they are so fucking forgettable, and started talking all at once.
Of course, Amber was first to talk to Diluc about the whole fucking situation. Holy fucking my ass bitchy ass shit, that was pretty chaotic don't you think? "diluc, what rhe fuck just happened and why did you push off a whole ass old man off stairs that are sharp as fuck, old as fuck, and also long as fuck."
"He called me darling, started speaking in 8 different languages, and his grammar sucked like ass."
"okay, reasonable. you're still going in jail for that because of your fucking stupidity for ? fucks sakes. control it if you're gonna be a successful businessman and not a poor ass having to take care of your younger sister who is way more cuter then this old ass fucking old brother bitch who is probably closer to a grandpa then that actual grandpa you just pushed off the stairs of."
"Hold on the paragraphs, 'partner."
"oh my god, maybe you just became that old man you just told me about not even a minute ago for fucks sake."
"Sorry, 'partner. This is normal." When Amber actually looked up at this stupid ass fucking ugly bitch of a cowboy, she realized it was actually Itto. Wait, what the fuck? Who rows a whole ass boat over to Liyue unless you're gonna live in a crowded fucking place? Not like Inazuma is already crowded, and filled with monsters, but, still. Maybe Inazuma might be a little better then an endless world.
"how come i remember you. oh yeah. you're itto, the stupid ass bitch from inazuma who deserves nothing. thats right, you, i dont know how anyone borrowed you enough mora to get this boat unless you stole it yourself for fucks sakes. it wouldnt be surprising if you really did, though."
"Red haired 'partner over there, why 'tis girl got a sassy ass tone?"
"Holy shit, does everyone say curse words at this point? Honestly, you'd think a doctor like Baizhu wouldn't say as much curse words as he did not so long ago." He pointed out. Tiredly. Because it's fucking 9:16 PM in midnight. "Amber, let's go rent a house or some shit. I'm geniunely too tired to walk over the whole way back to fucking Dawn Winery. This shit really is tiring and we've been on a tour for so many fucking hours and I'm wasting my breath by this fucking second."
"slow down, 'partner. we'll find a home in no time soon."
"Amber, don't tell me. No. No, AMBER, COME BACK. COME BACK!!" So, the dramatic and sad arc of Amber the 'Partner Cowboy begins. Or, uhm, ends. Dunno.
Itto.. unfortunately, has infected Amber. "Hu Tao, pick up my fucking phone call. I have an urgent burial. Yes, this is your last client, I have an urgent burial. I'll come over right the fuck away." He grabbed Amber by the neck and started choking her while dragging her at the same time over to Wangsheng Funeral Parlor for the second time. Oh boy, here we go again!
"Hu Tao, I need you to bury Amber. Quickly, And i mean quickly. PLEASE FOR FUCKS SAKE I AM SO TIRED AND I DDI NOT GET ANY REST TODAY."
"You seem to be in a rush dear client!"
"WHY DOES EVERYONE FUCKING CALL ME DEAR." Amber woke back from the dead and said,
"because you have a baby fac……." She said before abruptly cutting off because she was supposed to be dead currently. May she rest in peace..
"SHUT UP, YOU'RE SUPPOSED TO BE DEAD CURRENTLY. OH, NOW YOU'RE DEAD. THANKS."
"Uhm. Let's get on with this burial!"
Hu Tao has buried Amber. Diluc is now siblingless, and is currently non-sobbing. He is actually laughing at how Amber's dead now and he no longer needs to deal with a nuisance.
That is, until, Amber fucking wakes up from the dead just like Walking Dead 2 and starts walking up to Diluc like a fucking zombie. Holy shit, did this scare Diluc like fuck. Yes, Hu tao was also in for this prank.
Wait, how did we even end up here? -Minecraft Achievement.
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT WHAT THE FUCK AMBER YOU ARE GOING TO MAKE ME GOING INTO YOUR FUCKING BURIAL THAT YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO BE SLEEPING BEAUTY IN."
"thanks for the compliment, 'partner!"
"SHE'S NOT FUCKING CURED FIX HER HU TAO. NO, I NEED THE CURSED BAIZHU FOR THIS." Diluc grabbed Amber by the neck again and started choking her for the second time. Amber lost conciousness by the tightness of his choking.
Eventually, they got to baizhu's lair. Evil lair. Evil lair filled with probably corona-virus rise up again because of his FUCKING COUGHING FILLING UP THE FUCKING AIR. SHUT THE ACTUAL FUCK UP, BAIZHU. I HAVE HEARD YOU COUGH ENOUGH TIMES MYSELF WITHOUT THE OTHERS IN THIS STUPID ASS FUCKING STORY HAVING TO HEAR IT EVERYTIME JUST LIKE I DID. THEY ARE SUFFERING, SO SHUT IT.
"Baizhu, fix this 'partner ol' up for me please, if you will. No soon then later!"
"holy shit, you caught my disease." Suddenly, Hu Tao replaced Amber. Wait, what? Oh god, I think Diluc's in a fever dream. He predicted it, or not really. "hi, bitch."
"HOLY FUCKING SHIT HAVE I BEEN CHOKING HU TAO?"
"not particurarly, dumbass. i'm cosplaying as hu tao." Oh, fuck, even I was wrong and this is supposed to be me and mc's story I'm writing. Fuck me, man.
"You.. you tricked me!!!!!" Play the intense music, please. Yeah, that one youtube shorts music I kept hearing that had Childe x Zhongli in it? Yeah. I hate it to this day, and sometimes I come upon that very youtube channel. Not very often. It is rare and I am glad it's rare.
"shut the fcuk up, stop trying to do that one youtube shorts line. now get a fucking move on. i'm done from my itto possession phase."
"Jesus cucking christ I hate this country. Let's go back, please."
"Not yet. It's not over yet." Amber suddenly rose up and started being possessed for the second time. At this point, Diluc was used to this 'fever dream' that was actually real like that grandpa he tumbled off the stairs said. "We're going to Sumeru, then Inazuma."
"Can't we go to Inazuma first? It's the hardest to get to, and we can use Beidou's huge ass fucking crew boat to get over there. Plus, there's a stupid ass canadian boy there. Let's go."
"fine, fucker." Oh, Amber got rid of her possession. Again. How is she doing this, I wonder? Oh, yeah, this is a fucking crackfic. I should know better.
Diluc and Amber started turning into fucking giants using the special toilet paper they both ate for some reason before they started their journey to Liyue. Of course this special toilet paper was in fact, qingxin. Ganyu's favorite food. Speaking of Ganyu, Ganyu appeared this very moment and started interrogating them. Eventually, she wanted to go along with them.
"I'm going along with you fucks now."
"You know, you'd think everyone would atleast stop saying curse words right about now." Diluc stared at Amber, waiting for a response to his sentence. Apparently, Diluc has gotten attached to Amber right about now in this fucking country of a Liyue. "bitch, stop staring at me with your ugly ass crybaby eyes." She has ruined their almost friendship. No, not friendship. Why the fuck Do i keep Getting It Wrong.
"Ugly ass. You have to probably be carried on my back because you're too fucking short to swim in the ocean."
"who said we're swimming in the ocean, dumbass?"
"Me, deaf bitch."
"we're gliding, obviously. i got gliding licenses for the two of us, stupid ass. get a brain for once. maybe we really need to do surgery on your fuckhead."
"Stupid bitch, you're obviously too scared to swim."
"stupid bitch, you're obviously too proud to lose your pride by using an 'easy' thing, which is gliding, which is not easy at all because once you fucking press that attack button you're done for. done for as in you're fucking dead for good. which is what i'd want."
"Shut the actual fuck up, you cowardly dog 2.0."
"i already stole that, bitch."
And so, they start their journey to Beidou's crew ship where they land on, literally, land on, by using actual stolen licenses. Wow, thieves, love 'em. Don't you too? "Holy fucking shit, there's intruders on our ship. Mommy Beidou, get over here!"
"Did that crew-person just call Beidou Mommy Beidou? What kind of fucking nickname is that? Weird ass fucking bitches for fucks sakes."
"motherfucker, if you dont like it you may as well clog your fucking ears."
"Alright, so I will." He didn't, because he doesn't like not lying. Well, I phrased that a weirdly lile weirdly. Wait, what am I even talking about.
"Alright, sir-rees, whatcha guys here for?" Obviously, at this time of day, she is quite literally fucking drunk when there's fucking intruders on her ship. For fucks sakes, this woman needs a revoke on her shipping license. How can she be the leader of a big ass ship? She only beat up a whole ass fucking hydra dragon before, but that was mainly because of the ship, not herself. The ship should be the leader. Not her. Clearly.
"Motherfucker, you fucking drunk ro some shit? You should get your license revoked." Holy shit, did Diluc just copy my phrase?! That is so rude. Get your story license revoked. Beidou walked up close to Diluc and started slurring at him. "Isn't this the normal thing I have ever seen!"
"diluc, shut the fuck up and stop being sarcastic for fucks sakes. please, i am getting tired of your dtupid ass shenanigans."
With this, Diluc pushed Beidou off of the ship, drowning her, and he got nominated as the leader of the ship. How cool, killing one another to be the leader. Although, Diluc didn't even ask for this. He just hated Beidou's personality, how she got drunk, and how she talked to him. It was just like someone saying 'darling' to him. With this, he got horrid flashbacks of the grandpa.
"Amber, take care of this for me."
"how do you expect a 15 year old to take care of all of this fucking shit you created yourself."
"Hey, it's ME you're talking to."
"i fucking know. i can hear and see. you didn't expect that trick, did you?" She said sarcastically. She was so fucking tired, so was Diluc, that they started pushing everyone off the ship and started steering the ship themselves.
Each of them took turns and they eventually became known as the 'Runaway Fuckers Ship' because, they are fuckers and ran away with a whole ass ship just to go to Inazuma, which, by the way, we all know that place isn't COMPLETELY free.
When they were too tired to steer, by this time it was 8:47 in the morning, they started sleeping very hard and slept until it was fucking the next morning. Yes, they slept for a straight about 24 hours, I hate math, so do not correct me on this stupid ass fcking calculation.
Soon, they woke up and it was 8:48. The next morning. Now, it's probably hard to believe because it's only been fucking one minute if I didn't say the next morning and din't give hints that it was the next morning. Not even hints. Full on speeches. Not even speeches. Full on– "diluc, are you still fucking tired." Amber had been setting and hitting Diluc's head on fire until he woke up. Of course, this fire was friendly fire and did not cause much harm. However, it did burn some of his hair. Although he felt the fire, he continued sleeping. Until he stopped being tired and stopped sleeping. Obviously, when you're not tired anymore you stop sleeping. Unless you're faking sleeping, then it's acceptable, sure. "Amber, stop. I felt your fucking stupid ass flamethrowers through my skull brain head skin flesh organs body body heat."
"use commas, dipshit."
"You fucking small-brain, nobody needs commas nowadays."
"motherfucker, you JUST used a comma and so did i."
"Shut it."
"bitch."
They had by now then landed on Inazuma. Quite a sight it was, yes. Big ass islands everywhere. Who the fuck needs them anyways if you're gonna have one whole main island named Ritou? Ritou sounds like a stupid ass name for a island anyways for fucks sakes. It honestly sounds like the most basic anime name to ever fucking exist. Oh hey, I meantioned anime. Yeah, anime.
"Holy shit, Amber, wake up your rufking eyes and look at the whole entirety of this stupid ass Inazuma. The other islands are so fucking useless it's ridiciulous because not even half of the population of Inazuma all live on the islands. This is the worst fucking country we have ever been through, aren't I right, Amber?"
"i totally agree with you, mr. attention. you fucking bitch, of course half of the population doesn't live on all of the fucking islands. why do you need to get electrocuted, live with mist, or live on islands filled with danger all by themselves. even Ritou has danger and only half of the island is not filled with just danger. motherfucker, they dont even know how to take care of themselves and sure oh boy do i know for a damn experience."
"Amber, we discussed this before. I don't need your useless ass paragraphs telling me off. I'd much rather an ape chip of my fucking face and ears and have free surgery by doing that then listen to your useless ass paragraphs. Words are just a phrase."
"words are just a phrase my ass. 'goodbye' to your forever beloved one wouldnt be just a word are just a phrase."
"Amber, sometimes I feel like you are so fucking drunk you make no sense and at this time, I am not sure how you got so fucking drunk currently if you even are."
"diluc, it's not like you're any fucking better you absolute bitch."
The argument continued on. Of course nobody wants two siblings fighting. For about, the 2025th time during their years of aging. Yes, I just named a random future date that will happen in 2 years right about from now. Guys, 2023 has just been such a rollercoaster I cannot believe we have stickmen still fighting eachother videos!
The two siblings got separated from eachother, but they still continued to bicker to eachother. That is, until the Kamisato state property took thm in for no fucking reason. It was apparently because Ayaka thought Diluc knew the traveler. Yes, Ayaka likes the traveler as a very big best friend in this story. Only cause of in-game dialogue, of course. Unfortunately for them.. the Kamisato state.. had turned.
"Welcome to the Kamisato Slumber Party." Said Ayato when they first got taken in. And here is where the story, –slumber party, gets worser.
"What the actual fuck is wrong with you g–" Amber and Diluc got tied up and had their mouths taped. They were chair-tied around eachother because they were siblings which is the least amount of generosity from this atrocious time they were in. The very wrong time, in fact, as they were preparing a slumber party for anyone who came to visit. However, they did not visit. They were only just really taken in because the Kamisato State Property decided so.
They were unfortunately kidnapped, obviously. Ayato said in a low whisper, "It is time to get you makeup, ready, and dressed." Somehow, it was in an ASMR voice. There was a camera and a whole setup prepared for shootings of the video. They were going to upload it and Diluc and Amber had no evidence they were kidnapped because they were being released. Either way, this was a huge state property so obviously the Kamisato State would not get accused so easily without the proper evidence.
Thoma came in and started saying, 'For you for you for you for you for you for you for you for you for you for you for you' repeatedly for 2 minutes. Amber and Diluc were suffering. Thoma kept patting their faces and making weird poses and faces at them. This was the weirdest situation they had ever gone through. For 17 minutes, the siblings endured suffering.
They were eventually released after that 17 minutes. To add, Thoma was also beatboxing while doing that. It was a tragic prison release to Amber and Diluc. They were now officially traumatized. Very tragic. Very. They were used in an ASMR youtube channel and they did not speak for the rest of the day. Except when it was urgent, like when Diluc needed to curse at Amber and when Amber needed to curse at Diluc. It was a pretty good siblings kidnappings day!
Oh and, checking on Ganyu since it has been some time, Ganyu was asleep on the ship for one extra day then when Amber and Diluc woke up, and so they have forgotten about her, Ganyu is currently in a secret operation agency, only because she is bored and has nothing else to do. She is also starving because there are no qingxin. For once, she actually has to work for her food and pay mora for qingxin. It is a little expensive. 2k mora each, because Liyue is far from Inazuma. Which, is reasonable, but seriously? 2k mora? I'm gonna fucking shred and rip that person into fucking pieces if I come across someone like that. Make it 1.5k if you're gonna make it any better for fucks sakes. Wait, why am I getting mad over something so fucking stupid that I created myself.
It was the next day, and they slept on soft grass, when suddenly, some stupid ass fucking samurais came and captured them. They were kidnapped for the second time in Inazuma. In their minds, they both declared Inazuma the worst ever fucking place. They were trapped in a small chamber jail sorta thing, and weren’t tied up to a chair or shit like last time, but it was still pretty bad treatment they recieved. Atleast they got food and water.
For some reason, I have a strong feeling Kazuha is dressing up as one of them. That canadian fuckboy who smokes naku weed is definently onto something. I can fucking smell it myself even though again, I'm not in the story cause I'm just a stupid ass fuck narrating it.
"kazuha, why are we being kidnapped for the second time for fucks sakes. i think we have had enough trauma today in inazuma. we dont need anymore."
"Shut it, this is for an important operation because you threw everyone offboard including my Facebook selfie mom, Beidou. I forced everyone to call her mommy Beidou because she is my Facebook Mother. Not biologically, but who the fuck cares anyways."
"Amber, he's defininently on some naku weed or some shit."
"leave him, he wont be much of a fucking problem if he's seriously acting like this kind of dipshit. he's just in another world level, but only for himself."
"I guess." They all just stared at each-other quietly before Kazuha turned to leave. Before Kazuha left, he said, "I'm definently on some Naku Weed, bitches." Then, he turned and left. He really just scurried and skipped like a fucking disney princess. Diluc and Amber just stared after him, then stared at eachother. They were both really tired, so they just slept on bare, hard ground. Somehow this was worser then sleeping on soft grass where there is more potential you will get kidnapped and bit by bugs because you're literally sleeping on fucking bare dirt, but with softer grass above the layer of that stupid ass brown shit dirt.
"man, we should get out of here"
"How."
"by melting this shitty ass jail cell off, dumbass." Again, they were both really tired, so they were both reluctant to do any of that shit, but Diluc decided to.. because he's a good older brother. Totally. Next arc, we're fucking breaking out of jail bitches.
I guess you could say this is sort of like Raiden trapping her fucking citizens just because she wanted to get ahold of their useless ass visions. Like what the fcuk. Why do you need visions if you're only just going to display them on a ugly ass big ass statue for nothing. What the fuck do you need them for. Unless I am utterly blind and deaf, because I had auto on, and I was skipping through the dislogue, I remember nothing of Raiden mentioning a good reason why she wanted the stupid ass fucking visions. Like, you don't need visions in the fucking first place if you're already a professionalist at the one single fucking thing you're good at. There's only so much skill for your whole body to balance between, after all. Holy shit, have I just wrote a whole fucking paragraph and not mention anything of the story? I am truly the dumbass of the year.
I didnt skip anything in the Inazuma story quest, Lived. She took the visions because the Kanjou Commission and the Yashiro Commission were using the raiden-puppet to take the visions via the Vision Hunt Decree. The Sakoku Decree was also made alongside it to prevent people from leaving Inazuma in the first place :) ok back to the fic now………….. -josh
" Fine, I'll break us out of this stupid ass jail." He used his ultimate burst and became a sun bird, melting off the stinky rotten fucking jail bars that weren't even that good because I wanted Amber and Diluc to escape. Obviously they fucking escaped but I just needed more content to fill up this stupid ass fucking page so I can get my goal. My only successf- "Great. That jail was fucking shitty and we could've just fucking broke out 2 hours ago for fucks sakes."
"well guess what, fatty, i suggested it first so it's more like you should be crediting me for breaking ut out of here if anything else."
"Shut the fuck up, I actually did the work and you didn't. Plus we were all tired and I went and wasted all of mh fucking energy for what."
"you didn't even waste your energy, all you did was use it for a good reason, and that good reason was all because of me. also, those jail bars were pretty tough, so shut the fcuk up and stop whining for fucks sakes. its as if you can always keep relying on a fucking 15 year old. leave me alone."
"I am leaving you alone but you're never leaving ME alone because you need an advisor, dumbass. If I were to currently leave, you'd be escorted back and not to experience this oh so fun journey along with me. I bet I could get a better traveling partner AND new sister then you."
"right, then i may as well leave." Amber stepped out of the jail cell and went running straight up to the exit. She has good memory in this story, so she knows where they last went. Diluc followed, obviously, because in this story he has a half and half relationship of directions and memorizing shit. Which, I relate to of course. Ask me one thing a month ago and if it's not all that important then I'll eventually forget it. If I do forget an important thing it's mainly because I'm so fucking shitty that I'll fucking forget about it because I'm focused too much on another thing. It's pretty relaxing though, you should try it. Diluc and Amber forgot a very important thing in this case. Yes, I am bringing Ganyu topic back up because I have nothing else to bring about and I need content for myself, not for you fuckers. (<- Ganyu is best cryo-bow character fr -josh) Although partially for you fuckers. "wait, shit, diluc, ddin't we forget ganyu in the stupid ass fucking ol' ship."
"Yeah, what about it?"
"we need her so she can fucking snipe with a fucking rifle like in fortnite for fucks sakes. you're only melee so you can only do so much to snipers and other shit."
"Well it's not like you're just gonna call her out and she's gonna appear, is she? Plus, I'm your only trustworthy sibling and advisor here in this whole Ritou island."
"who said you're my only fucking stupid ass trustworthy sibling and advisor. i can have ganyu if i wanted to." (<- ganyu is pulled into their found family and helps with wine manufacturing now <3 -josh)
"Well, too bad, you're missing out on a good chance, fucking loser." He turned away and went into another direction, and she turned away and went into another direction. They both were heading for different people, or different goals. Of course, they needed to be separated sometime, so I did it for you and for myself. Obviously, they sticked together too much. For me, anyways. Next arc is becoming gay and lesbian.
(OH MY GOD MISS TEMPLETON’S 7000TH DREAM???? THANK YOU!!!!!!!! -josh)
In Diluc's mind, his first step to becoming gay is to sing, "She recognizes the voice on the phone
But she can't recall his face
She hears knocking on her door at night
But he never leaves a trace
She's had seven thousand nights with the very same scene
Repeated again and again in her dreams:
A muffled scream, and a broken fall as the moonlight streams in from down the
End of the hall, it's just the stars stooping down to sing their goodbyes while a
Man with a briefcase and hollowed out eyes spoke...
Over and over again...
Over and over again...
Stranger things have happened in my time
Stranger things have happened in my time"
That was weird. Anyways, Diluc first only thought this because this just popped into his mind recently; he has no idea why but he is sure this is a dream from heaven. We'd think, anyways. For Amber's idea to become lesbian, she has decided on, Greetings loved ones "Let's take a journey
I know a place
Where the grass is really greener
Warm, wet n' wild
There must be something in the water
Sippin' gin and juice
Laying underneath the palm trees
(Undone)
The boys
Break their necks
Try'na to creep a little sneak peek
(At us)
You could travel the world
But nothing comes close
To the golden coast
Once you party with us
You'll be falling in love
Ooh oh ooh oh oh ooh
California girls
We're unforgettable
Daisy dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
So hot
We'll melt your popsicle
Ooh oh ooh
Ooh oh ooh
California girls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
We got it on lock
West coast represent
Now put your hands up
Ooh oh ooh
Ooh oh ooh
Sex on the beach
We don't mind sand in our stilettos
We freak
In my jeep
Snoop doggy-dog on the stereo oh oh
You could travel the world
But nothing comes close
To the golden coast
Once you party with us
You'll be falling in love
Ooh oh ooh ooh oh ooh
California girls
We're unforgettable
Daisy dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
So hot
We'll melt your popsicle
Ooh oh ooh
Ooh oh ooh
California girls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
We got it on lock
West coast represent
Now put your hands up
Ooh oh ooh
Ooh oh ooh
Toned, tan
Fit and ready
Turn it up 'cause its gettin' heavy
Wild, wild west coast
These are the girls I love the most
I mean the ones
I mean like she's the one
Kiss her, touch her
Squeeze her buns
The girl's a freak
She drive a jeep
And live on the beach
I'm okay
I won't play
I love the bay
Just like I love L.A.
Venice Beach
And Palm Springs
Summertime is everything
Home boys
Bangin' out
All that ass
Hanging out
Bikinis, zucchinis, martinis
No weenies
Just a king
And a queenie
Katy my lady
(Yeah)
And looky here baby
(Uh huh)
I'm all up on ya
'Cause you representing California (oh yeah)
California girls
We're unforgettable
Daisy dukes
Bikinis on top
Sun-kissed skin
So hot
We'll melt your popsicle
Ooh oh ooh
Ooh oh ooh
California girls
We're undeniable
Fine, fresh, fierce
We got it on lock
West coast represent (west coast, west coast)
Now put your hands up
Ooh oh ooh
Ooh oh ooh
California girls man
(California)
(California girls)"
Indeed, this was strange. Just like how my font keeps changing. Back to my original font. (i fixed it for u loser, if it happens again ping me in the server -josh)
"diluc, to be clear, i swear i am not ever becoming like you. this is only my goal to become lesbian, unlike you, whose goal is to become gay."
"Everyone fucking knows there's something different between them. And I don't feel like explaining it to you right now because oh, you're so special and cute and sweet, a 15 year old is all that and a bag of chips. Shut the actual fuck you stupid ass fucking bitch. Go die in a fire or some shit for all I fucking care." He sneered at her. Aggressively. Amber sneered at him back. Aggressively. They have such a nice sibling bond, isn't it amazing! (YES IT IS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AMBER AND DILUC SIBLINGS DYNAMIC FOR LIFE BABBY!!!! -josh)
Exhausting. Tiring. Mentally unstable. These are the perfect things to describe Amber and Diluc as. The most mentally unstable siblings in the whole of Tevyat. Or maybe just for Mondstadt. Where were we again? Oh yeah, we were on Inazuma.
So, to sum all of this fucking chaos up, they got.. kidnapped twice while they were there. Now, a new uhm, beginning? I guess? SHIT, even I lost track. Anyways, they now head to Yae’s shrine, where the beautiful lady and her stupid ass archon (friend?) are at. Currently, anyways. Raiden is probably on right now, actually.
"You see that up there, fucker?"
"yeah, so what about it."
"Big ass shrine."
"uhuh, continue."
"It's big. Let's go there, bitch."
"okay, smartypants."
So up they went, to the huge ass fcuking steps to the shrine. Yes, huge ass as I mean huge ass. Holy shit, if it weren't for that stupid ass teleport waypoint up there, I think I'd just quit going up to that stupid ass fucking shrine. Those steps are longer then my feet.
"Why's there a stupid ass furry-looking pink fox up there with a Facebook-looking purple haired supermodel."
"diluc, i think you need new eyes. you're right about the pink fox but that fucking 'facebook purple haired supermodel' is the damn archon."
"Oh, well the archon looks as stupid as our mother who left us."
"we're adopted. or, i am."
"Yeah. Anyways, HEY YOU FCUKING BITCHES. YOU HAVE 2 VISITORS, 2 SIBLINGS."
"motherfuckee, can you jeep it down for once. jesus fucking christ, my ears will burst at this point if you yell one more time. i can probably hear it if i was 20 miles away."
"Shut the fuck up, Amber. It's not like you're any better, doing nothing but insulting your brother. For fucks sakes, get a living."
"you get a living. i thought we already discussed this. im a 15 year old, so im obviously too young." Diluc ignored Amber on thus argument remark, and started calling out again like a stupid ass fucking eagle. Jesus christ, maybe Amber really is right. This man needs a living.
"HEY, YOU FUCKERS. YOU DEAF ASS BITCHES." Yae and Raiden turned around to the 'insect pests' to their eyes, anyways. " 'Fuck you want, losers?" Yae said, politely. Politely as in, tone. Well, of course she wants to sound polite. But, she can't say polite words. Obviously as you can see here.
" Y'all going here together? Get the fuck out, me and my platonic girlfriend are having a date here currently and need some private space and time together. So get out, shoo, bitches." Diluc found this offensive. Of course he did. Yae just pulled out curse words and called the archon her platonic girlfriend. Plastic barbie girlfriend archon. "Holy shit, Amber, is everyone in Inazuma this fucking rude?"
"aren't you rude too."
"Sort of, but not this rude."
"oh, sure, let's hear that again when you start saying cuss words at me for the 500th time. no, not the 500th, probably the 3000th at this point." Again, Diluc ignored Amber's argument remark. Because, it's fucking pointless to argue any-further at this point.
And so, they stepped down the stairs again. Long ass fucking ass stupid BITCHY stairs. I hate the stairs, I hope they collapse and nobody can get up aagin except for the traveler. (aether is the superior traveler, lumine’s design fits better for being the abyss princess, as she feels more fancy compared to aether’s more armored appearance if that makes sense? also slightly unrelated i love how aether has long hair and lumine has short hair. thats so cute :) -josh) "Holy shit, my legs are ready to fucking collapse and fall." Oh my god, Diluc stole my 'collapse' word. Sue him. "mines too, don't act like you're fucking special." Diluc rolled his eyes. "keep doing that one more time and i'll punch your eyes out." He continued doing it, and Amber just got tired of him so she punched him in the face instead. "Ow." Is all he said. After a punch to the face which is probably fucking infused with fire and coal from the baron bunny makings. "that's right, motherfucker." She muttered under her stinky ass fucking breath. Yes, all of their breaths were stinky. They have not brushed their teeth for what probably seems like a year at this point. (genshin impact seems to take place in a more fantasy-land, and dental care was invented in 1723. With the place it’s based off of (rhineland-palestine, germany) being founded in the 1900’s, it’s pretty possible that dental care does indeed exist in mondstat, but nobody gives enough shits to actually practice it. Conclusion; The city of freedom is free of people who actually care about dental care. -josh) Let's continue on, though.
I'm pretty sure, it's only been about a month since they've traveled through their whole journey. I haven't kept track of time or said anything related to it because oh my fucking god, is it tiring to keep track of time every single time I write a paragraph. "Holy shit."
"diluc, shut it. you already said that minutes ago about your leg fucking collapsing. i really hope it does, too."
"Damn, let me finish my sentence for once, fucker."
"shut the fuck up, stinky breather."
"Your breath stinks too."
At this point, they have been arguing for awhile. So, they argue in short arguments now. Although, I think it'll reach a point where it'll become one huge ass fucking argument.
"Jesus christ, we are finally at the bottom. That took about.. 30 minutes, maybe."
"maybe? get your math right next time."
"Oh my god, Amber, shut the fuck up. I don't like math as much as you do." "who said i liked math?"
"Me."
"well guess what, stupid fuck. im just better at studying shit like math unlike you, so obviously you're probably assuming right now that i love math."
"Shut up, and you call me a smartypants for fucks sakes."
"oh my god, because you are. you act like a fucking elder grandpa for fucks sakes."
"Shut the fuck up."
So, they had this argument fucking repeated throughout the whole day. Yes, the whole day. Why waste breath, though? Air is so limited. Atleast, between two fiery-visioned siblings, air is limited by smoke. "Wow, we're back at Ritou's town. Big ass town, too."
"you're fat like this whole fucking town."
"You're fat. You probably eat rabbit's foot."
"why rabbit's foot in specific. i like rabbits, you and me know that. you need to get your sibling facts right, for fucks sakes."
"Amber, maybe shut the fuck up so we can get some food and drinks. Maybe we can ask someone if we can stay at their.. house"
So, they ddi everything diluc suggested. Only because, Diluc was the only advisor Amber even had. Yes, I have fucking gone through this more then one. Advisor my ass. "I'm fucking fat now. Or atleast I feel fat."
"you definently are. look in the mirror and see how you look so fucking fat and ugly." Amber was a little different. She was skinnier, because she didn't eat 2 more chicken wings. Wait, if Diluc's a sun bird, would that mean cannibalism if he ate 5 chicken wings in total in a sum of about 38 minutes? Yes, specifically 38 minutes. I like specific times. (agreed -josh)
"Man, this fucking house is trash. What kind of furniture and interior is this shit."
"maybe be more polite on your stupid ass wording and grammar, for fucks sakes, diluc."
"Why'd you say my name genuinely that time?"
"because, the owner's here, stupid."
Dun dun dun. Wow, who would've thought that the owner's there! It's the fucking owner's house, Diluc. Who would've guessed. You suggested that idea in the first place to break into someone's house. More or less rather, aggressively ask someone to go into their house to stay for 2 days. They're leaving in 2 days! Whoopee! No more knapping, I guess. It was pretty fun though. To them. I think. (amber writing a letter to jean talking about how much fun the travel to inazuma was, then in graphic detail explaining the Kamisato Slumber Party Incident. Jean is not pleased and diluc will have his legs broken when she sees him next -josh)
"Fucking Bitches, I only let you two siblings in because you guys looked homeless."
"That's true," Diluc remarked. "that's true my ass, we have a home back in mondstadt, but diluc wont let us go for fucking 2 days."
"Bitches, Just say sibling/brother/sister, not diluc or amber."
"fine, fair enough."
"Hold on, is this guy fucking that one guy I pushed off of or..?"
"it's childe. childe's the worldwide visitor. never heard of him?"
What the fuck, was in Diluc's mind thoughts when Amber said that. Why is Childe in Inazuma in the first place? Oh wait, he just realized he's stupid! Amber just said the reason. He's the worldwide visitor! But for fucking what? "Yeah, I Talked to Yoimiya about it."
"Yoimiya? What the fuck."
"What About it?"
"Why Yoimiya of all people?"
"Maybe Because she was the only one who was actually fucking there when I first visited."
Here, we love making up lore in fanfics and such as, stories and shit. Here, we have a whole ass genshin impact fanfic this time! How pleasant.
"Oh, cool. Do you support Chili?"
"Wh– Chili as in, chili the peppers, or.."
"Chili. As in, the Childe x Zhongli ship." (Please don’t remind me of it, Lived. -josh)
"Motherfucker, What."
"Yeah, it's popular and I don't know why."
"Shut The fuck up right now."
"Amber, I think this guy's on drugs. He makes no sense. He really hasn't heard of the popular ship Childe x Zhongli Chili name?"
"of course he is, dumbass. he does grammar 'Motherfucker Hey' like that. he uses two fucking capitals because he wants to be different. take a hint, for once."
"I did, though, didn't I?"
"not really. now shut it."
At this time, Childe was scrolling through his Iphone 13 and searched up Chili, scrolling through images. Oh boy, he wasn't prepared for this. He dropped his Iphone 13 and started stomping and smashing it. Poor phone, rest in peace. It needs a fucking burial and apology.
"Childe, what the actual fuck is wrong with you. Is it hunting season?"
"diluc, please don't do this right now."
"Oh my god, you said 'please' to me."
"that's a normal fucking word, dipshit dumbass."
"I fucking know, but isn't it a little surprising when your stubborn as fuck sister says that?
"not really as I know of, anyways."
Childe was now banging his head on the table and then fell and slipped and hit his head on the floor, confirming him dead. It was practically suicide, the stupid ass forgettable liyue officers said. Hu tao came in and made a funeral for him. Clients! Clients!
Zhongli eventually came in to mourn for Childe's death. Wait, he came in for Childe's funeral? HOLY SHIT, they are gay! Maybe, anyways. They're really just fucking enemies.
It has been.. one day without Childe, the owner of the household. Now, it felt more empty, more gloomy. Although nobody can really care less about the stupid ass Childe. He'll need Childe-Support in his next life. I hate that I said that. (rawest line i’ve ever read in a fic, 10/10, childe-support. -josh)
Now, Amber and Diluc shall lead on in.. a uhm, I guess, a, uh, new life in Inazuma?
"diluc, we're so fucking done for when we go back."
"Who said we're going back?"
"me, shithead."
"Oh my god, that's the first time I've heard someone say shithead."
"is that not normal either."
"Nevermind, shut the fuck up you dumbass little child teenager."
"Amber, maybe we really are done for." The house was rotting at this point, and since they had maids to help them back in mondstadt in the Dawn Winery, they had no experience of helping themselves or cleaning after themselves. So, the household turned out to be a huge mess. Eventually, they had to evacuate because of all the mold and moss now growing in the house. Somehow, yes, moss got in. Don't ask why.
They go back to their rotten ol' crew ship, and sail back. Sailing as in, sailing for I don't know, a week or two? Oh yeah, they had forgotten Ganyu while sailing. Ganyu now lives on Inazuma apparently. And yeah, it had been exactly 2 days.
Now, as they are sailing back, they suddenly remind themselves, that Ganyu is still back on Inazuma. However, it is too late unfortunately. My poor girl is left behind. Cue the sobbing noises. (AGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH NOOO GANYU NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO NOT INAZUMA PLEASE WHY!!!! GOD WHY?!?!?!?! GANYU IS AN INVASIVE SPECIES TO INAZUMA!!!! SHES GONNA DIE WITHIN 2 DAYS!!!! OH GOD OH JESUS CHRIST NO NO NO NO NO!!!!!!! -josh)
"Holy shit, I see land."
"of course you fcuking see land, dumbass. we're right next to mondstadt."
"Shithead."
"fuckhead."
Alas, they had arrived back to Mondstadt. Wow, how fun. They had skipped a shortcut back to Liyue, and back to Mondstadt. They were now back where they were maybe.. a month or two ago, as in, back to the lake where Amber had swam through and Diluc followed her. The place where they also got attacked by hilichurls and such as.
"Amber, I think we should go to Sumeru next if we survived literal kidnappinf back in Inazuma and survived in a bustiling town, Liyue."
"we're already back home, though. let's just take a week rest or something."
"A day rest." Diluc had insisted, because he is fucking stupid and is impatient. "fine, but don't expect me to wake up early. expect me to wake up late." What Amber said was practically true. Except, Diluc would also wake up at the same time Amber did.
It was the next morning back in their cozy Dawn Winery home. The maids came rushing through and started tending them, although they had 0 injuries and had 3 traumatic memories. Very traumatic, and I mean it. No joke. (i’ll pay for their therapy -josh)
"You fucking maids, get the fuck back from our room before I fucking punch you in the face." Diluc said when they finished looking and tending after them. Again, they had 0 injuries and 3 tramatic memories. The maids did what Diluc had told them to do, and left. Now, they can finally go back to slee– Wait, no, it was already 3:00 PM in the morning. They had slept for so long, they woke up at when I'm supposed to get out of school. Here now, it was time to go to Sumeru and pack up. Wait, not pack up, but, uh, yeah.
They were packing up their things, or well, the things they needed, after being taught a lesson that they should take care of themselves and clean after themselves. Of course, Diluc's fish tuna weapon had always been on Diluc's back strapped to his back ever since he bought it. He bought a strapper beforehand, by the way. Amber just packed her usual things with no new things. Now, they were prepared and ready to go. Let the anguish begin.
It was a fine summer day in the midst of rain. Besides that though, they were soaking wet from the previous rain not so long ago. Diluc had opened up his phone (he packed it up in a pocket slot in his little backpack) and saw that it would rain again in a few hours. Precisely, 4 hours. So they only had so long to only get to about a partion to sumeru. Sumeru was a big place. They had spent already about 3 hours just venturing through the path that had shone before them.
(P.S., someone help. I can't use these words forever, but my heart is aching to use them.) (i love big words -josh)
"diluc, when are we arriving."
"Like, in probably less then a week."
"fuck does that mean."
"It means we're arriving there in maybe, 2 days."
"same days as when we went into childe's household?"
"Yeah, dumbass."
"well fuck you, i'd prefer just one day."
"Go ahead, I'll leave you behind, stupid fuck."
Diluc did not keep his word. He did not keep his stubborn ass sister behind, because, he is a good elder brother. So, they had arrived there in about.. 2 days, if you totaled up yesterday and today. In their time, anyway.
"Holy fuck, we're finally here."
"holy fuck, you used a different word then 'holy shit'."
"Stop pointing out the obvious, dumbass."
"im not a dumbass if i knew that you used a different word then 'shit'."
"Shut the actual fuck up, dipshit."
So, they had shut the actual fuck up together, because they were now arriving in the famous Sumeru City. Well, there's technically 3 cities, well, no, but, there's 4 if you counted the desert.
"I hate this already." He had stolen a map from a local shop of Sumeru and looked through it. There were names for everything. The places, yeah. "get over it, everyone fucking knows sumeru's big as fuck. so stop your useless whining." "Fine, Miss Stubborn Lady."
"lady? aren't i a fucking teenager child girl in your eyes." Diluc ignored Amber, and carried on. Amber ignored Diluc's ignorance, and also carried along with him.
"Man, why's it so fucking big. What the fuck is with this place."
"i said, get over i–" Before their eyes, they had seen a handsome man in most people's eyes. Diluc asked a stranger who he was, and it was.. Drumroll..
Kaveh! An architect. A builder. A handsome man glorious to people's eyes. The guy who got scammed 3 times. All of these were nicknames of Kaveh, but he mainly was called just Kaveh.
"who's that fucker." Amber had asked to Diluc in a sassy tone, like always. "Kaveh, an architect builder who got scammed 3 times." Sue Diluc, he used my speech. (i’ll get u in contact w/ my lawyer dw -josh)
"oh, yeah, he looks like an alien from that one alien movie."
"Really? And back in Inazuma you told me to speak in a politer tone or something."
"politer words, mind you. i have to fucking correct you, for fucks sakes."
Obviously, Amber did not seem to like Kaveh for whatever reason. I think it's because of his looks. Well, obviously, it probably is considering she just said he looks like an alien from that one alien movie.
Kaveh here, is minding his own business while these siblings are chattering. In his mind, he thinks, "Can those siblings shut the actual fuck up? I'm trying to build. They should know you should be quiet when a builder's around or when someone's trying to make a deal with another person. Unless it's more then one person you're dealing with, then it's fine."
Kaveh had made a whole paragraph in his head because he was frustrated. Today, he got scammed for the fourth time. The fourth. He has not told anyone, and luckily rumors have not spread. However, he thinks, if he ever tells something to those chattering and bickering siblings before him while he is 8 ft up in the air, they will spread rumors right after. So, he has made an unnecessary promise to himself, that he will not tell anything to those bickering siblings. Yes, unnecessary. Certainly.
After that Kaveh small arc, Diluc and Amber stop chatting. Somehow, they have read Kaveh's mind. Kaveh is now at relief. For some reason, they have mind-reading powers. This is perfect for replacements of Nahida. Although, I can assure you Nahida is way cuter. A 500 year old child who has a grandson, Scaramouche. Or well known as, Wanderer. Perhaps Hat Guy too from that one event festival not too long ago.
"diluc, i think we should use more curse words. these paragraphs have barley any fucking curse words in it."
"Shut it, we'll make curse words then."
"but you didn't even fucking use any curse words. what happened to shut the fuck up. be like me for fucks sakes, ill tick you off if i have to."
"Why are you so fucking worried about this?" As Amber heard him say a curse word, she forgot about it and said, "nevermind." Just as she said this, she heard Kaveh approaching them.
"Could you guys keep it quiet for once? I'm an architect and I'm trying to fuckin' build here."
"Sir, I swear to god, does everyone use curse words around here?
"Of course they do. Why wouldn't they."
"Well, shit, not again. I was hoping for at least one country to not say one curse word, but atleast me and Amber aren't that different from you guys."
Here, you can clearly see, Diluc wants to match. He is a matcher, just like me!
"diluc, shut it."
"Why? This guy Kaveh's pretty cool."
"no, he's not. he's literally just like regular ass people. also, use more curse words next time."
"You use more curse words. You only fucking used one."
"so did you."
The siblings are in a great mood today. Amber is angry that Kaveh looks like an alien, or, well, s he is angry at him entirely. I can't blame her, I'd squish that man in a fcuking millisecond right before your eyes. His organs will pop out and spill everywhere. Sorry, off track. Anyways, Diluc is happy about Sumeru. For now, anyways.
Kaveh saw Alhaitham approaching them. The trio immediately turned, only to see another handsome man approaching them. Kaveh immediately got on his knees for Alhaitham. Diluc and Amber stared in woe, but mostly at Kaveh begging at Alhaitham. For what, though? They will soon learn.
"Alhaitham, please give me my house keys back. I will do anything."
"anything? are you fucking kidding me you dtupid ass whore bitch motherfucker get the fuck out of here." Alhaitham pushed aside Kaveh with one foot. Kaveh stood up, and started running back to the house. Probably to open up the door himself with his claymore.
"with that nuisance aside." Alhaitham sat down criss cross apple sauce in an old grandpa chair in the middle of the streets. Amber and Diluc continued staring in woe. What the fuck had just happened between Kaveh and Alhaitham, they both thought simultaneously. Sibling thoughts, they're awesome.
Just as they thought the chaos was over, Kaveh came rushing back with a whole ass door in his hands. "ALHAITHAM, YOU FUCKER. GIVE ME THOSE HOUSE KEYS BEFORE I BEAT THAT ASS."
"go ahead."
"Wait what the fuck."
"im joking. amber, my grammar twin, beat this fucker up." Amber did as Alhaitham said, mainly because she thought Alhaitham was a cool guy so far. So far, anyway. In Amber's thoughts, she was thinking, "This guy's better then Diluc. He knows me."
And, holy shit, she uses.. full grammar in her thoughts! NO WAY!
Kaveh was knocked out, as Amber had stuffed Baron Bunnies in his mouth, only to explode and set his fucking mouth in ashes and smoke and fire. Alhaitham just stared for one second, then back to his book he read. For some reason, this was a very casual incident. Also, I need to start using more curse words. I do not have enough, so fuck.
Alhaitham finally got up since he finished reading his book, and started going back to the academia as if nothing crazy had just happened before his eyes. I guess this was a really normal casual routine for them. Before he did, though, he generously dropped the keys in front of Kaveh's face. Kaveh was already presumed dead, though, but nobody knew it. Everyone just thought it was normal.
Amber stared at Kaveh, looked at her shoulders, and said, "i'm so good at this. i love my fucking job, it's so shitty."
"That's not even a job, that's just straight up killing. You're a fucking murderer now."
"who fucking asked and who fucking cares." She ran over to a gun shop. It was a really, extremely shady shop underneath the academia’s stairs in the corner. Diluc was actually and finally, a little nervous.
"You know, maybe we shouldn't go here." He saw the shopkeeper and saw that it was.. Zuka! The adderall man. Do not ask who Zuka is, unless you are cultured. (ZUKA ZUKA ZUKA ZUKA ZUKA ZUKA ZUKA ZUKA ZUKA!!! HE IS ADDICTED TO ADDERALL I SPEAK MY TRUTH. -josh)
"what the fuck's up stupid fucks."
"Holy shit, this guy's insane." Said one customer.
"I know." Said the other customer.
" hate this stupid ass fucking shop." Said the other other customer, stomping away to their presumably house.
"Man, this fucking shop doesn't have the best reputation, does it."
"no, and i'm glad it doesn't. because it means sales are probably cheaper. he might be desperate." Amber and Diluc walked over to the shady Zuka and bought a bazooka. They also got adderall. In total, this was only 5.5k mora. The bazooka was 5k, the adderall was 500. The total was pretty decent and fair. Nobody needs any of these, but I have added these in for enjoyment. Amber and Diluc walked out, while Zuka was pretty happy, but didn't show any emotion. The siblings walked out with an excited-kinda walk. You know what I mean, right. (P.S, i think i accidentally made this fic a little more family friendly then i wanted it to. i need more curse words for fucks sakes. there it is.)
Amber started shooting down boars with her new bazooka. She seemed very happy to have a brand new weapon of her own that was sort of like a bow, you could say. But not really at the same time. It's just better, or some shit like that you could say. Oh shit, I used 'you could say' twice. Fuck me.
Diluc just stared after Amber, dumbfounded. They both needed new content. Eventually, even Amber subdued to Diluc’s dumbfoundness. Now, they walked along the Sumeru city like zombies or some shit. Atleast to citizen's stupid ass eyes.
Eventually, they both got kidnapped. For The Third Fucking Time. They thought that same thought. Now, it was by Kaveh and Alhaitham. A Kavetham slumber party. This one was even worse. Kavetham? Wait, Kavetham? Oh, oh, god. Will they have sex? We shall.. see. With our totals innocent eyes.
When they got kidnapped, they were forced to sit on electrical chairs and get bagged on the head. Quite literally, they are near to death currently.
Due to these unfortunate events that are currently happening, they both feel like they wanna die instead of waiting for death.
As for the slumber party, Kaveh started eating cereal and Alhaitham started saying "Shut the actual fuck up, Kaveh, you stupid ass fuck." Amber and Diluc couldn't tell if Alhaitham and Kaveh were joking or being serious. Either way, the three of them all thought Kaveh's cereal eating was annoying as fuck. It was too loud.
The slumber party was relaxing, since nobody did anything to them except look at them. They were eventually released after 11 minutes. Atleast it was shorter.
When Amber and Diluc took a closer look, they realized it was the same people who kidnapped them in the Kamisato State. How fucking ironic!
"maybe we really should get back home." Amber suggested to the now traumatized Diluc. "Maybe we should. I'm so fucking tired at this point. But, we still have more of Sumeru to explore." "fucking ignore it. im so fucking tired of this too. i cant deal with this anymore." "Motherfucker. Sumeru's a huge place. We should atleast explore more." "you fuck. are you fucking stupid." "Shut the fuck up."
So, they went to the desert part of Sumeru, ignoring the 2 other parts of it. I mean, they need a shortcut after all. If you took one fucking look at them, you'll see they're dirty as fuck because they have never changed clothes or washed them atleast for so long.
Eventually, they arrived to the desert. And holy shit, it was hot. Of course it was hot. It's a fucking desert. What do you expect.
"holy shit, its hot as fuck out here."
"Of course it fucking is, dumbass. What'd you expect." Again. Sue Diluc for the 4th time.
"We should get going to the nerest village. I think it's just right about this corner or something.“
"fine. but we're gonna have to speed up our pace or else we're fucked."
"Yeah, I know. So let's speed up our pace right now."
Speeding up their pace, as in, fucking running like tracksrars.
And so they arrived. Finally. They were literally fucking sweating like shit and they needed new clothes badly at this point. Their clothes turned out to be even dirtier now.
"we should wasn our fucking clothes. they're so fucking dirty and sweaty."
"Yeah I fucking know you needn't fucking remind me for no reason."
"good god, i think you became me but worse."
"So you admit you're stubborn as fuck and sassy?"
“what did i mean by ’i think you became me but worse'."
"It meant what I just talked about not even a second ago, dumbass." Amber ignored him and quickly dived straight into the deep, deep circle pond around the town underneath. Diluc followed, but nearly broke his fucking neck. They started swimming as if they were in Finding Nemo. It was pleasing and relaxing for them, though. The cool water cooled them off.
After their Finding Nemo fish swim, they (somehow) climbed all the way back up. They were exhausted and energized at the same time, if you know what I mean.
"whew, im fresh." Fresh as in, what, Amber? Oh, could it perhaps be.. A SPLATOON REFERENCE?! "I am too." Diluc, you're also going with the splatoon reference!!
"Okay, we should find some place now."
"no. diluc, fuck this. we're going back to mondstadt."
"Bu—" Before Diluc could finish his sentence, Amber grabbed Diluc so tightly like as if he was a bag and started running like super sonic speed. She quite literally turned into sonic and started running so hard back to Mondstadt her feet burned and it felt like her feet was touching the sun to her. Diluc was in complete shock as this happened and he turned into a flat out inflated balloon by the time they reached to the cat tavern back in Mondstadt. They had ran so amny miles it was hard to believe a 15 year old could do this to a older brother. Suddenly, a purple bird and a purple-ish princess appeared in front of them..
"It is I, Prinzessin Der Veruteilung!"
"Who?" Diluc was still recovering, so he couldn't say any curse words or shit like that. But I can.
"I, Prinzessin der Veruteilung, declare you shall state your reason as why you are here!"
Suddenly, the purple bird spoke and somewhat translated for her, even though she could speak English perfectly well.. but yet, it was hard to understand her.
"Ahem.. Sorry, she means, she wants to know why you guys are here after there were missing posters about you two." Said Oz, that one electro purple bird.
"Oh, don't mind that. We were just out traveling, that's all." Diluc is still dumbfounded, and his mind refuses to think or say any curse words.
After two minutes of pausing to speak, Amber caught her breath aagin. "diluc, this is fischl. although, she is more as Prinzessin der Veruteilung."
"Holy shit, you used capitals." Diluc finally finds his mind and self again.
Well, enough of that. They're finally at Mondstadt, and I think it's about time to end this crackfic. It has been a nice 3-2 day journey of writing this, but who cares!!