Ki(mp)ndergarten Court

by SilentMemento

Summary:

Extermination Day came early, without warning, and I.M.P. wasn't prepared. Moxxie and Millie were on a date, Blitz dragging Loona along to follow them...when an incompetent angel nearly kills the M&M couple and then turns them into five-year-olds while trying to heal them.

Now Blitz and Loona - with the help of a reluctant Stolas and Octavia, amongst others - have to take care of them until the angel in charge (who will kill them if M&M aren't in their custody) can get a healer to fix the problem. Unfortunately, Don Crimson and Millie's family hear that their children are now little kids, and they (Sallie May aside) quickly move in court to make sure they never see their coworkers again.

Low on funds and desperate, Blitz and Loona hire a recent law student in Hell, who is about to get one of the biggest cases to hit Hell...ever, hope for the best...and pray that the worst doesn't happen.

Notes:

Hey, here with another age regression Helluva Boss work. It's not really related to A Little Loony or the other planned one, but here it is! It's right after Season 1 and before Season 2, so picture the timeline like that. Also, I was *shocked* to see that there aren't really any Millie age regression stories out there! I got inspired by TalosLives to do a Loona AR one (and there's a few), I'm planning on one with Blitz, Stolas, and Striker, and a lot of people tend to do Moxxie himself, but I never saw one with Millie. So, I decided to change that and make her - and her "future husband" - to be the cutest little imp kids ever. Of all time.

So, yes, without further ado~

Chapter 1: Early Extermination

Millie and Moxxie were going on a private date in Pride when things went to Hell - figuratively and literally.

 

Millie was the one driving as Moxxie stared out of the window. Millie drove at a speed a little faster than most denizens of Hell. Not to the speed of their boss, Blitz (he was known as “Blitzo”, but the “o” was silent), but definitely a long way over the speed limit, and the streets of Pride were beginning to blend together as they drove close to the limits of Pentagram City for a lovely dinner at a fancy restaurant (The Rusty Hammer and Nail, supposed to have excellent Hell Hog burgers) before a night of…well, Moxxie could imagine the night they’d have in the bedroom.

 

He looked at his wife lovingly. Millie was his everything; beautiful, brave, kind, strong, passionate, just an amazing woman he loved more than anything. He couldn’t imagine his life without her, and he knew she loved him just as much and felt the same way he did.

 

He took a random look in the rearview mirror and let out a sound like a choking cat. Blitz’s van was right behind them with their boss driving like a maniac. And Loona, his hellhound adopted daughter, was clinging to the front seat, looking terrified at the tall imp’s driving.

 

“HE’S STALKING US TO OUR DATE!” he shouted in annoyance. “AND I TOLD HIM NOT TO DO IT AFTER WE GOT KICKED OUT OF OZZIE’S, AND THAT RABID BITCH IS WITH HIM, TOO!”

 

Millie chanced a look back and sighed. “Well, we could make concessions for them,” she said. “Moxx, that’s who Blitz is.”

 

“That doesn’t make it right, Millie!”

 

“He’s our boss…”

 

“And it’s entirely inappropriate!”

 

“Moxx, just…let’s just enjoy the night, whatever may happen.”

 

The smaller imp grumbled, sinking into the seat, as they drove down the street…only to hear a siren.

 

A very familiar siren.

 

The Extermination Day’s siren.

 

But it was too early, it wasn’t even three months since the last Extermination, it had to be a drill.

 

“Moxx, were we scheduled to have a drill?” Millie asked, her eyes worried.

 

“Mills, I’m sure it’s fine, it’s-”

 

Then a blaring note on their phones echoed, and his heart stopped in fear.

 

“Extermination Day has been moved up,” a metallic female voice echoed. “Take cover as soon as possible. This is not a drill, I repeat, this is not a drill. Take cover as soon as possible.”

 

“We’re not being targeted,” he said with a nervous laugh, holding on to his wife as he saw the hole open up, saw the angels pour out of the hole, weapons drawn. “We’re Hellborn, the Exterminators don’t target Hellbo-”

 

A rocket was fired at their car from one of the angels, and Millie grabbed Moxxie and leapt out with him…just in the nick of time, as they saw their vehicle go up in smoke.

 

They scrambled to the side of the road, near a row of burnt-out buildings, Millie having drawn out her knives, and Moxxie, his pistol, as they took cover in a charred building without a roof. He chanced a look up at the sky, hearing the screams of Sinners dying. Moxxie was panicking, breathing heavily before Millie kissed him on the lips.

 

He broke off for a second. “Mills, is this rea-”

 

“We don’t stand a chance against Exterminators,” she whispered to him. “You know that. I know that. If we die, I want to have this memory of you and me. I want our last moment to be our best.”

 

Moxxie nodded, tears in his eyes - tears in both of their eyes - as he kissed Millie, a kiss that would last a lifetime, a kiss that was their lifeline.

 

Then he heard Millie scream in pain that he wished his lovely ray of hellfire would never feel, felt something hit his chest, shooting horrific pain into his nervous system, blood vessels, and brain, and he screamed in agony before everything went black.

 

-

 

Blitz was listening to his daughter, Loona, grumble as she texted Beelzebub, Vortex, and a couple of the hounds she met at the party, saying she couldn’t go, as he dressed in a nice long coat, shirt, and pants, along with his signature skull choker.

 

“Can’t believe I’m missing a great opportunity to go to a party in Gluttony for this,” Loona muttered, flicking her white hair to one side as she tapped on her phone. “I know I’m keeping my word to Bee after you went to Gluttony to get me the first time, but still…”

 

“Aw, c’mon, Loony, it’ll be great!” Blitz said excitedly. “We could go to an awesome restaurant in Pentagram City - Hell, even Sinners need to eat, right? - hit up Stylish Occult at the end, and you can get what you’d like within reason! What’s not to love?”

 

“Whatever…”

 

Blitz felt a little bad at not telling Loona the truth. He was going to that restaurant because the M&M couple were going. They were his friends, and he realized that they didn’t want him in their private life…but he wanted that intimacy, craved that affection, feeling like he didn’t deserve it, but knowing he wanted it, wanted it more than anything.

 

Especially after…the evening at Ozzie’s. With Stolas.

 

Hell, that hurt so much…but it’s why he wanted to go with that couple. They had something he admired, and he wanted it, even if it was rejected again and again, even if it was as a third wheel.

 

And now he was bringing Loony along…even if he didn’t know why. No, he knew why: he wanted that familial bond that they had…to include her as well, as more than just coworkers. Because he knew some of Loona’s past, knew she had gone through shit that was horrifying, even by Hell’s standards, and he wanted her, Moxxie, Millie, and himself to be one giant family. One giant fucked up family in Hell.

 

Ah, fuck if he knew. Fuck if he knew anything that was wrong with him.

 

What he did know was that he was going to that restaurant with them, see how everything would go. Impulsive? Yeah, but that’s who he was.

 

He grabbed the keys as Loona continued texting, grumbling as she got in the front seat of the IMP van that doubled as their normal car. He got in the driver’s seat, turned the key as the van rumbled to life, listened to the Pride station blare out music (Loona had headphones in; her phone doubled as an hPhone, so she could listen to her own music if she wanted to.) as they drove off.

 

He drove surprisingly carefully for him, only honking his horn twice and cutting off only several cars than all of them, his eyes craning for Moxxie and Millie’s car…and when he spotted it, he immediately gunned for the car like a maniac, startling Loona out of her music with a shocked yelp.

 

“You set this whole fucking thing up with Moxxie and Millie AGAIN?!” Loona screamed, as she held onto the car’s seat with her claws, her eyes wide with terror at the sheer insanity of his driving. “And you roped ME into it?!”

 

“Loony, I know it sounds bad, but-”

 

“I DON’T WANT ANYTHING TO DO WITH THEM OUTSIDE OF WORK! THEY ARE MY COWORKERS, AND THAT’S IT!”

 

“Let’s just go to the restaurant. I’ll even order what you want, but let’s-”

 

Then the Extermination Day sirens blared out, and Loona whimpered.

 

“It’ll be okay, Loony-Toony, I’m sure it’s only a dri-”

 

“Extermination Day has been moved up,” the metallic voice echoed. “Take cover as soon as possible. This is not a drill, I repeat, this is not a drill. Take cover as soon as possible.”

 

“Shit, shit, shit, shit-” Loona swore multiple times, her tail tucked between her legs, eyes wide with fear.

 

“Loony, they don’t target Hellborn, remember?”

 

A rocket hit the van of Moxxie and Millie, as they barely got out in time, as he saw them scramble towards a burned out building.

 

“I FUCKING HATE YOU, BLITZ!” Loona screamed.

 

Blitz veered off the road, parking the van close by the building, as they saw an angel, its wings purely black without any lines, go into the building and shoot Moxxie and Millie with an angelic pistol as they were kissing, hitting them both in the chest. He went into the building, his flintlock pistol at the ready, along with a snarling Loona, ready to avenge the couple.

 

The first angel went in for the kill, raising her gun, and that’s when things got crazy: another angel, with mostly gray wings and a black stripe across them stood in front of them, facing the first angel…and started to verbally ream the other angel up the ass.

 

“YOU - FUCKING - MORON!” the second angel roared in a feminine ethereal tone. “What is Extermination 101? What is the very first rule you learn when you become an Exterminator? What is the ONE - FUCKING - THING we are NOT - under ANY circumstances, no matter WHAT those circumstances might be - allowed to do?!”

 

The first angel lowered its head and mumbled in a feminine tone. “Target Hellborn or anyone other than Sinners.”

 

“WHAT DO THEY FUCKING LOOK LIKE TO YOU?!”

 

“...Hellborn imps.”

 

“SO FUCKING HEAL THEM BEFORE WE START AN EXTRADIMENSIONAL INCIDENT!”

 

Blitz aimed his flintlock at the second angel, who tried to pacify the situation after taking a deep breath. “Apologies for shouting, and apologies for my dullard apprentice. Do not worry, imp and hellhound; my colleague will heal them, and they’ll be right as rai-"

 

The angel went over to Moxxie and Millie and spread a white light over them…and they began to shrink.

 

“WHAT THE ABSOLUTE FUCK DID YOU JUST DO, YOU STUPID BITCH?!” the second angel screeched in disbelief, and Blitz and Loona watched in horror as their coworkers shrunk into their clothes, getting smaller and smaller, even though the bullet holes were healing. “PLEASE, GOD ALMIGHTY, PLEASE TELL ME YOU’RE NOT SUCH AN UTTERLY FUCKING INCOMPETENT AND USELESS IMBECILE THAT YOU COULD BOTCH A SIMPLE HEALING PRAYER WITH A FUCKING COMPLEX PERMA-YOUTHENING SPELL?!”

 

“Um …” the first angel said sheepishly. “Sorry?”

 

“SORRY?! SORRY?! I’LL ‘SORRY’ YOU, YOU STUPID FUCKING SILLY CUNT! YOU JUST TOOK AT LEAST TWENTY CENTURIES OFF OF MY AFTERLIFE WITH YOUR SHIT! LET ME HANDLE THIS, AND AFTER I’M DONE, I’LL MAKE YOU SORRY YOU EVER WENT TO HEAVEN, BY JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, MOSES OF FUCKING EGYPT, MUHAMMAD THE FUCKING PROPHET, AND GOD-FUCKING-ALMIGHTY THEMSELVES!”

 

The second angel went over to the couple, who had stopped shrinking and now had the appearance of small child imps, trying to spread a light over them.

 

“Not working, come on…” the Exterminator muttered, trying various glowing light magic without success before the siren stopped blaring…with them still as children.

 

“...Are you shitting me?” the angelic superior said bluntly. “Fucking Extermination Day suddenly stopping out of nowhere…fucking idiot apprentice making this hard…fuck…what to do…hmm…” She thought a while and came to a resolution, pointing at Blitz and Loona. “You two, listen to me well. You are to take care of these two as if they are both your children, until I can get a proper healer to come down and fix this before the Lord smites everyone involved. They are about five of your Hellyears old now, and while they may remember they were adults, unfortunately, the memories of adulthood will be locked away. They will act like five-year-old children, will think like five-year-old children, and will need to be treated like five-year-old children. And since we can’t take care of them and give them help, it’ll be up to you two.”

 

“But-” Loona protested, before the angel who was obviously in charge gave such a vicious death glare at the hellhound that she could do nothing but whimper in response.

 

“If you two do not take care of them like they were both yours, I will personally annihilate you and every single thing you hold dear, Hellborn or not - and I have had centuries of killing under my wings. I have no tolerance for those who harm children, and I will do everything in my power to destroy you both if any harm comes to these two. Do you understand me?”

 

Both Blitz and Loona nodded gravely, looking at the sleeping little imps who had once been a married couple.

 

“Then we have an agreement. The next time I can get a Healer down here will take at least a year and a half; they are notoriously fickle. They will not grow up during that time, thanks to this IDIOT-” The lead angel jerked her thumb at the shamefaced apprentice, “making the spell so complicated, so I expect you two, what are your names?”

 

“I’m Blitzo, the ‘o’ is silent, and this is my daughter, Loona,” the imp said.

 

“Adopted,” Loona retorted.

 

“Very well, Blitzo and Loona. I expect you two to be able to find help at times with other willing demons, but you must care for them the most. If they are harmed in any way, if they are not in your care when we return, I swear, as God as my witness, I will break you both in half. With that, we bid you farewell.”

 

The angel Exterminators disappeared in a flash of light, leaving the four alone with a whole Hell of a lot to deal with.

Chapter 2: Pinky Promise

Loona realized just how screwed both she and Blitz were the moment the angels disappeared.

 

“We’re so fucked,” the hellhound moaned. “I don’t even know how to take care of kids! Neither of us know anything about that!”

 

“Come on, Loony, it’ll be fine!” Blitz said in a perky, excited tone.

 

“You do realize we don’t have the money or space to have kids with us, right? We live in a one-bedroom apartment, for Lucifer’s sake; how are we supposed to handle mini-Moxxie and mini-Millie?! Because I’m sure as fuck not giving up my room!”

 

“That’s okay! You could share-”

 

“And what about our job?! We’re now down two members, so we’ll need to save money - which is something you know nothing about!”

 

“We have backpay, and hey, now we don’t have to pay them, child labor laws and all-”

 

“We’re going to have to pay to buy things for them to play with and new clothes to wear, and not just one thing either!!”

 

“I’m sure we can come up with something-”

 

“And how are we going to pay for their schooling?! Homeschooling isn’t an option in Hell, since we know nothing about that either!”

 

“Hey, I did a good enough job with you-”

 

“I was more than a decade older than they are when you adopted me! Why are you not taking this seriously?!”

 

“Now, Loony, there’s no need to be jealous that you’re no longer the youngest…”

 

“I am not…ugh, let’s just…get them out of here before more people show up.”

 

Loona gently picked up her two de-aged coworkers in their much larger adult clothes, not expecting them to weigh almost nothing to her. Yes, she had picked up Millie and Moxxie before, but not both of them at the same time, not so easily in one arm like she was now, using her other arm to steady the sleeping imps’ bodies as she got into the back of the I.M.P. van with them on her lap, holding on to them as Blitz drove like a maniac to the nearest children’s clothing store and got out to get them appropriate clothing.

 

And even though she’d never admit it…they did look cute as fuck.

 

Both of the imps’ horns were much smaller, the white freckles on their faces much less noticeable than they were as adults. Their eyes, albeit closed and sleeping, seemed much bigger as well; Loona knew that they’d be able to do puppy eyes, and Blitz wouldn’t be able to resist. Millie’s hair was much longer and messier as a kid’s compared to how it was as an adult, covering her ears, almost like when Loona had first met the imp. She had not figured on Moxxie’s mostly white hair being longer either, almost covering his horns and ears.

 

Thankfully, Blitz had managed to get their size right, and soon enough, Loona had quickly dressed the two, and they looked even cuter than before with Moxxie in a red T-shirt with a musical note and black shorts and Millie in a long black dress.

 

Then Moxxie’s eyes opened as he yawned, revealing two adorable yellow orbs…which widened with terror as he saw Loona.

 

“AHHH, HELLDOGGY’S GOING TO EAT ME, MOMMY!” he screamed in a very high-pitched voice, waking Millie up with a whine.

 

“I’m not going to eat you, f…Moxxie,” Loona said, censoring the word “fatass” despite being called a “helldoggy”, despite herself.

 

“Ooh, ooh, can I pet you?!” Millie squeaked in excitement.

 

“Um…”

 

“Okay!” Millie pet Loona with both tiny hands, and it was a little rougher than the hellhound would’ve liked or normally even tolerated, but…fuck, what was with her?

 

Moxxie looked at Millie suspiciously. “Who are you?” he asked.

 

“Who’re you?” Millie retorted, still petting Loona.

 

“I’m Moxxie!”

 

“I’m Mildred, but call me ‘Millie’.”

 

“Okay…”

 

“What? Hellkitty got your tongue?”

 

“No! I’m just not s’pposed to talk to strangers is all.”

 

“That’s just the grown-ups that are strangers!”

 

The car stopped at the apartment, and Blitz peeked out from the front.

 

“Hi, there!”

 

The two children looked at Blitz as though he had sprouted three extra heads.

 

“Are you my Uncky?” Millie asked cautiously. “Because you don’t look like my Daddy…”

 

“I’m fine with him as my Uncle, so long as he’s not my Daddy,” Moxxie said quietly, burying his head in Loona’s fur, to her increasing discomfort.

 

Looks like I don’t have the only bad parents in Hell…

 

“Yes, I’m your Uncle Blitz!” the tall imp said, puffing out his chest in pride. “And this is Aunt Loona!”

 

Loona was very much tempted to give her adopted father the middle claw…but relented when she saw Moxxie and Millie watching her with their big eyes.

 

“Can Auntie Loona carry me?” Millie asked pleadingly.

 

“No, Auntie Loona’s carrying me!” Moxxie retorted, sticking out his tongue.

 

“Me!”

 

“No, me!”

 

“I can carry both of you at the same time; you’re a lot smaller than me,” Loona said to defuse the situation.

 

It was the wrong word to say to one of them. “I am NOT small!” Millie pouted, tears threatening the corners of her eyes.

 

“But I’m sure you’re going to be big and strong when you’re grown, Mills!” the hellhound quickly said with a gentle hug to avert a tantrum, as Millie clung to her fur.

 

“‘Kay,” Millie said with a sniffle. “But you better pinky promise on it - because you can’t break a pinky promise!”

 

Loona stuck out a pinky, and the two shook on it.

 

“What about me?” Moxxie whined. “I wanna be big and strong, too…”

 

“You’re going to be big and strong as well, Moxx,” Loona said with a sigh and another pinky promise, as she picked up both of them, holding on to the smaller imps easily as she let Blitz open the door to their apartment.

 

The apartment was messy, smelled of burnt food and cheap beer (the latter for both Blitz and Loona. Mostly Loona.), and a lot of the pictures of Blitz had his face X’d out with black marker, but hey, it was home, right? And the two small imps seemed to like it as they jumped out of Loona’s arms to the floor, eager to explore.

 

“Ooh, is that a toy gun?” Moxxie squeaked, trying to heft one of Blitz’s sniper rifles before the latter quickly took it from the tiny boy imp before he could do any damage.

 

“Ooh, soda cans!” Millie squealed, as she made a beeline for the fridge and tried to open an unopened beer can with a pout.

 

“No, that’s grown-up soda!” Loona quickly said, taking the beer can out of Millie’s grasp and putting it - and all of the others - in the freezer where she couldn’t reach.

 

Fortunately, the small girl imp didn’t seem put off by Loona quickly confiscating the beer. Unfortunately, she went straight for Loona’s room, along with Moxxie.

 

“Is this Moxxie’s and my room, Auntie Loona? Because there’s only one bed, and the walls aren’t really pink like I want; pink’s my favorite color…”

 

“Auntie Loona, what’s this thing, and why is it shaking when I press the button?”

 

Somebody kill me. And do it before Extermination Day comes, so I don’t die horribly then.

 

The hellhound gave a humongous death glare at her adopted father. “Blitz, call Stolas. Preferably now to get us the help we really need. Um, Moxxie, Millie, you might be able to play with that when you get older, much older, but not now!” She shut the door, trying to head off the younger imps from breaking her…adult toy - or worse still, using it - before it was too late.

Chapter 3: Stolas Storytime

Stolas was apologetically bearing the brunt of Stella screaming at him when his phone rang.

 

Stella had always been a…difficult woman, and Extermination Day being moved up early didn’t help her mood or her screaming, demanding that he “be a man and protect her”, questioning him and his parenting, crushing every part of his will, no matter what he tried to do to make it up to her.

 

And he couldn’t really tell Octavia why Stella was so difficult, her numerous abuses towards him, couldn’t tell anyone, really. He was trapped in a loveless marriage, where the only good thing in it had been born seventeen years ago…and now that the horrible date with Blitz was over, he was pretty sure that the man he did love - if he really did or could? - hated him as well.

 

“Stella, I have to see if Octavia is okay,” he quickly fibbed, as he felt the vibration of the hPhone in his pocket.

 

“Fine…but you had better make sure you have time to talk to your wife - and make sure to ditch that horrid imp!”

 

Stolas looked at the phone after he left the conversation. It was Blitz, his darling little imp…but so soon after the date? He couldn’t…

 

He hung up…only for the desperate-sounding voice message of Blitz to appear.

 

“Stolas, I’m really sorry for calling you so soon after…that, but I really, really, really need your help. Well, I don’t, but Moxxie and Millie do, and I can’t help them as much as I’m supposed to, so please, please, I’m really sorry, I’ll make it up to you however I can, I’ll do whatever you want, but please help them.”

 

The message stopped, and Stolas’s four eyebrows raised. He wasn’t under the impression that Blitz cared that much about his coworkers (the imp’s adopted hellhound daughter was a different matter; that much he knew), but this desperation…he wasn’t going to let his feelings on the matter dictate what he did. Blitz had asked him for help, even after the horrible experience that left them not wanting to talk to each other.

 

Is it for me, though? Or is it just so he can ask for my help with his company?

 

Stolas was almost lost in memories from his past, with Blitz as his very first - and to this day, his only - friend, when he knocked on Octavia’s door; he wasn’t entirely lying about wanting to check on her, first and foremost.

 

“Via, dear, are you okay?”

 

“I’m fine, Dad,” the grumbling teenage voice echoed.

 

“Are you sure-”

 

“I’m fine. Just tell Mum to stop screaming; I’m trying to listen to music.”

 

“Understood. I love you, darling.”

 

“Sure, Dad, love you, too.”

 

Stolas stepped away when he felt his phone vibrate again. He checked the number. Blitz.

 

His coworkers must really need my help if he’s calling again, so soon after Extermination-

 

He froze. Extermination Day, how could he be so stupid?!

 

He answered. “Are your coworkers safe, Blitzy?” he demanded. “They’re not injured, are they? They aren’t…” His voice trailed off. If those two imps were…no, he couldn’t think about it.

 

“They were injured, but…it’s…Satan, it’s so fucking complicated.”

 

“How can I help? Do they need a hospital? I can pay-”

 

“Stolas, they’re not injured now, but…fuck, it’s too complicated to say on the phone.”

 

“I’m sure you can tell me.”

 

“It’s not a matter of telling, just…you might be better off seeing than anything. Can you come over to my place? I promise, I’ll do anything you want in the bedroom, I’ll be your slave if you want, I just…I need help with them.”

 

Stolas sighed. “I’m sure that I could make an herbal remedy if they’re injured, but if we’re describing wounds by angelic weapons, they’ll need a trip to the hospital, Blitz, and even then-”

 

“Please, Stolas. It’s nothing that needs a hospital, I swear-”

 

“Then why did you call me to help them, Blitz?” Stolas’s voice became a bit terse. Did Blitz think that he could just drop everything and go with him? After all of the shit that happened at Ozzie’s, that embarrassment? Did he not think that his life could ill afford to be upturned further?

 

“Because I don’t know what to do with them, Stolas! Because me and Loona are dead - with a capital ‘D’ by angelic weapons, most likely - if we don’t properly take care of them-”

 

The owl demon’s eyes widened. “Fine, I’ll be over in a bit.”

 

“You know my address, right?”

 

“Yes, but I’ve never been to your place, Blitzy.”

 

“Okay, just…don’t mind the clutter, okay, I’m trying to keep them from-"

 

He quickly portalled into Blitz’s house, not expecting the place to look like it was so…messed up. The portraits that dotted the room (he sadly noted that Blitz’s faces were all X’d out with the only exception being an adoption photo of him and Loona), the peeling horse wall plaster, and the overall dirtiness of the place that would’ve sent Stella into cardiac arrest...he immediately felt awful that Blitz was living like this.

 

Blitz noticed Stolas and breathed a sigh of relief, pressing a button on the phone and stopping the conversation.

 

“Thank Lucifer, thank you, Stolas, I didn’t know what I was going to do, come out with them, Loony,” the imp said in a giant run-on sentence.

 

“I’m sure that-” Stolas began before Loona came out of the barred room with two imp children clinging to her legs, crying, her fur frazzled.

 

“Thank. Satan,” the hellhound groaned, as the two crying imp children held on, so familiar, but they couldn’t be-

 

“Moxxie and Millie, Stolas,” Blitz said to the owl demons, and his brain then broke as he put two and two together.

 

“Your…coworkers…are…how?” he squawked, choking out the words as the two children stared at him curiously, their tearstained faces looking confused. “You haven’t found something in the Grimoire that even I haven’t found, have you, Loona?”

 

“Blame the Exterminators - or one really incompetent one,” Loona muttered.

 

“Who are you?” the boy imp, who must’ve been the one known as Moxxie asked.

 

“What kind of name is ‘Stolas’?” the girl imp, who must’ve been Millie, started to giggle, her mood swinging as five-year-olds are wont to do. “Did you ‘stole ass’? ‘Cause I’m not s’pposed to say bad words, but if your name is ‘Stole Ass’-”

 

“Millie, we shouldn’t be saying bad words…” Moxxie whined.

 

“But his name says-”

 

“It’s more pronounced, ah, er, I mean, said like, ‘Stohl - us’,” the Goetia Prince said politely.

 

“Aww…” Millie complained. “I wanted to say bad words…”

 

“So…this presents a problem, Blitzy,” Stolas said nervously. “Loona, if you could handle them for just a little bit-”

 

“F - all right,” the hellhound said, censoring herself almost immediately. “Come on, Moxx, Mills, it’s time to brush your teeth and then go to bed.”

 

“But it’s too early!” Millie whined.

 

“Eight o’clock PM says otherwise.”

 

“I want you to read us a story!” Moxxie demanded.

 

“But-”

 

“Pleeeaaaseee?!” the two pleaded simultaneously, both of them giving her puppy eyes.

 

“Fine, but we are brushing your teeth.”

 

“Okay, Auntie Loona!”

 

The group of three disappeared in the bathroom, and Blitz began telling Stolas everything he could as quickly as he could. The owl demon patiently listened, as Blitz described stalking them to their date, the wounds and spell they received from the incompetent Exterminator, the ultimatum of the lead Exterminator.

 

“Well, this is beyond me, I have to say,” Stolas admitted. “Normally, age is something we can’t turn back; else everyone would try to find a way.”

 

“But I don’t know what to do…” his lover said, laying his head on Stolas’s lap, to the latter’s blush. “Loona was right; I have no idea what I’m supposed to be doing, what we’re supposed to be doing, and now that that Exterminator threatened us with death if we put one toe out of line when it comes to their care-”

 

“You’ll have to focus on taking care of Moxxie and Millie, foremost,” Stolas interrupted. “That’s all we can do for our children, is it not? I do the same with my Via, you’ve done it with Loona-”

 

“But Loona was already an independent adult,” Blitz said. “I’m…scared. Scared I’ll be a failure like my fa-” The imp shut his mouth immediately, and the Goetia Prince could tell that it was a sore spot. “I’m sorry, I just…I wanted us to be a family, maybe not like this, but…I don’t know what to do.”

 

The three came out of the bathroom, the teeth of all three nice and gleaming, even though two of them were pouting, having not liked the experience.

 

“Toothpaste tastes like…ugh,” Millie glowered.

 

“Just, eww…” Moxxie mumbled, trying to spit it out.

 

“Ah, you’ll get used to it; after all, you saw me do it, no problem, right?” Loona asked.

 

“Yeah, but you’re a grown-up, grown-ups are s’pposed to do that,” Moxxie said.

 

“I want better tasting toothpaste that I can eat,” Millie complained.

 

“You’re not supposed to eat toothpaste, Millie,” Loona said gently.

 

“But I wanna-”

 

“Come on, munchkins, I promised you a story, right?”

 

Their mood instantly changed. “Ooh, does it have an imp princess in it?” Millie asked excitedly.

 

“What about a bunch of imp knights?” Moxxie asked, his eyes shining.

 

“I believe I can take over from here,” Stolas said with a smirk.

 

He used a bit of his magic to make an entire imp medieval story appear in the stars - albeit restrained to the apartment room - to the wonder of the two children, and even the looks of Loona and Blitz told the owl demon that they thought it was very impressive.

 

He went through one story, then another…and the sounds of snoring echoed in his ears, albeit one louder than the others. He turned to face Moxxie, Millie, and Loona all asleep, the two imps curled up in her fur as the three slept on the couch.

 

Blitz smiled with Stolas. “She’s gonna be a great mom one of these days,” he said warmly.

 

“Because you helped her grow,” Stolas whispered. “And so you two have to do that with Moxxie and Millie. I could help support with money, occasional babysitting…but from a distance; I don’t think Stella would approve of any of this, would certainly not approve of you in the home, and you did say that the head Exterminator said that you two had to help most of all.”

 

“I think we’ll be all right,” Blitz said, sighing in relief. “Thank you, Stolas. For everything. I know I haven’t been…I haven’t been the best, that I may have screwed everything up, but-”

 

Stolas answered him with a kiss, one that was quickly reciprocated, as the real nighttime stars appeared in the hellish red sky.

Chapter 4: Be(e) Bigger

Moxxie’s dream was pleasant…to start.

 

The imp prince/knight, himself, was storming up to the castle to rescue the beautiful imp princess (who surprisingly looked a lot like…Millie? Couldn’t be…), fighting the evil dragon’s guards with huge guns that he seemed to wield with ease, popping the guards like it was nothing.

 

“I’m coming, my princess!” he sang in a sing-song voice; he had always liked singing, helping to calm himself down. “Of all the imps in Hell, it’s for you that I fell, oh, princeeess…”

 

He grew confused. Why was that song so familiar? Did his Mommy sing it to him once upon a time? He wasn’t that creative, Daddy said so, he couldn’t make up something like that…right?

 

And why was he so good at guns? Daddy did teach him to shoot, but-

 

Moxxie felt his nerves get the best of him. Daddy was just…mean. He remembered the fights he had with Mommy, the shouting, the screaming, the hurt. He never let Moxxie sing or dance. Daddy wanted him to be a meaniehead like he was. He never had any good things with his Daddy, now that he thought about it.

 

He finished off the last of the dragon guards, only to face the dragon himself. It chuckled in a low voice, and Moxxie froze. It was Daddy’s voice.

 

“I knew you were a little bitch from the start,” the dragon/Daddy chuckled. “So much of a fucking flaming faggot, it’s not even funny. I’ll take everything from you that hasn’t already been taken. I’ll take your friends from you. I’ll take your bearded broad from you. And I will fucking take your life if you fail me.”

 

Moxxie trembled. So many…naughty words, even the words he didn’t know which were directed towards him.

 

“I’ll devour your soul, and your princess is dead, if I can swing it. You’ll never see your family or friends again - just like you’ll never see Mommy again!”

 

The small imp began to weep. Mommy was…where was Mommy, he wanted Mommy-

 

“Prepare for me to end your life!”

 

The dragon/Daddy swallowed him whole, with a motion that Moxxie couldn’t counter, and then everything was lost to darkness.

 

He woke up screaming and crying in terror, the dream was bad, very bad, very, very bad.

 

“What the fu…” Auntie Loona woke up, but Millie was surprisingly still snoring. “Moxxie, what’s wrong?”

 

“Bad dream, bad dream, the dragon, Daddy, ate me!” the small imp wailed, burying his face in Loona’s fur. “And I’m never, I’m never going to see anyone again! Please don’t leave?!”

 

He felt Auntie Loona flinch, but then she rubbed his head…and while it wasn’t exactly his Mommy’s gentle hands, it was good enough. “Hey, kiddo, I’m not going to leave you. Ever. Want a snack? A glass of water? I can carry you if you need it…”

 

Moxxie shook his head. He wasn’t s’pposed to eat or drink at night, the only thing Mommy wanted from him. “Wanna stay…” he said, slowly calming down and looking around. The nice birdie guy, Uncle Stolas, had left, leaving Uncle Blitz on the floor, fast asleep, although the shuffling he did showed that his dream wasn’t good either.

 

“Okay…” Loona gently rubbed his horns, and he felt himself calming down more, letting himself bury his head in her fur as he fell asleep again. And this time, there was no bad dream.

 

‘Cause Auntie Loona was protecting him.

 

-

 

Loona felt the small imp fall asleep in her fur, and she gently moved his head to the side, so he wouldn’t suffocate in it.

 

What was wrong with her?

 

Normally, she’d be rude, dismissive, angry. It was in her nature to be that way towards those coworkers of hers, towards Blitz, towards everyone. It wasn’t like she didn’t have a damned good reason to be that way; her parents were the worst.

 

She shivered. Even thinking of them, ever since she had been in the pound all those years ago, was hard, the damage they had done to her psyche so great. She held Blitz at a full arm’s length and then some, even though she had to admit that he was as close to a “dad” that she had ever had, not trusting anyone. Trust led to death.

 

So, why were her two now-young-again coworkers getting such a foothold in her heart?

 

Why was she not snapping at Millie petting her when she was so averse to touch?

 

Why did Moxxie crying after a nightmare make her feel so bad?

 

Why, why, why? She could ask that word a million different times, and it always came out the same from everyone.

 

“Just because.”

 

That’s what her horrible excuses for parents said. That's what the fat bitch who ran the orphanage/pound said. That’s what the other older hounds said when they beat her. That’s what the little punk said when he said he wanted her phone, the only thing she had from her prior shitty foster families that she didn’t hate.

 

Just because.

 

But that wasn’t right either. There had to be some reason for her feeling this way more than just random fate. The Hell was wrong with her?

 

She was a tough hellhound, not afraid of anything, but right now, she felt older than her twenty-two years of life, afraid that Moxxie’s father would come to get him; if his father gave him these kinds of nightmares, she didn’t want Moxxie to have anything to do with him.

 

Am I feeling sorry for that fatass? Is that it? No, can’t be, that’s ridiculous!

 

And yet…she had to tell someone. She knew that it wasn’t exactly therapeutic, but…ah, screw it.

 

She got out her cellphone and called Beelzebub, Queen Bee, the Sin of Gluttony. Someone had to know.

 

One ring. Two rings. Three rings.

 

“Ugh, whomever this is, it’s three in the morning, you better have a damned good reason to call-”

 

“Bee, it’s…Loona.”

 

“Sour Cream?” The hellhound cringed at the nickname. “You made things up with your dad?”

 

“He’s not…sorry, that’s not why I called. Can you keep a secret?”

 

“You sound worried and yet…huh, I didn’t know you had that much love in your heart! You keep surprising me, Sour Cream.”

 

Loona froze. Love. Funny word, especially in Hell. Love was a weakness to most, something other demons would use to crush them, especially her with her parents, her enemies in the pound. And yet…

 

“Bee…I need you to keep a secret. It’s about the Extermination Day-”

 

“What? Did someone you know die?” Bee sounded worried.

 

“Well, they…almost did,” Loona admitted.

 

“They? Loona, was it your dad?”

 

“No, his coworkers, they…the Exterminator shot them.”

 

“WHAT?” Bee’s voice was loud, and Loona had to turn down the volume. “I thought there were laws to not target Hellborn!”

 

“Apparently, this Exterminator was extremely incompetent. She got chewed out by another female Exterminator, and…then she…healed them.”

 

“Weird how the Exterminators are always girls,” Bee muttered. “Except for Adam, but fuck that guy.”

 

“Who’s Adam?”

 

“...Never mind. You say this like she didn’t heal them right.”

 

“She turned Moxxie and Millie into five-year-olds.”

 

Bee was silent for a moment, and Loona counted down the seconds. One. Two. Five. Ten. Fifteen. Twenty. Thirty.

 

“I’d say you’re lying…but your emotions are utterly convinced,” Bee admitted. “Nobody’s supposed to know how to reverse age. But what…what else happened?”

 

Loona continued, “The other female Exterminator, the head, gave Blitz and me an ultimatum: we take care of Moxxie and Millie until the next Extermination when she can get a healer, or she’s going to kill us herself, damn the consequences.”

 

The hellhound heard a chuckle from the Sin of Gluttony. “So, already getting into the idea of being a mom?”

 

“What? No! No way!”

 

“You’re lyiiing,” the Sin sang.

 

“Well…I do have to admit that they’re cute kids, but…”

 

“But?”

 

“Well, I’m just…I’m scared, I guess. Scared to mess up. Scared I’ll fail Blitz, fail Moxxie and Millie.”

 

“It sounds like you need a friend,” Bee said sympathetically. “And lemme guess: one of the kids woke up with a nightmare?”

 

“Yeah, how do you-”

 

“Can feel his emotional energy from the phone. Loona, if his dad is as scary as your parents seemed to be - and believe me, Tex and I know a thing or two about shitty parents - don’t ever let his dad know that he’s a kid again. Because it’s bad if I can sense it from here.”

 

Loona felt a bit of guilt then. She was always calling Moxxie a fatass, tormenting and taunting him, and while he did clap back at her sometimes, it wasn’t all the time, and he wasn’t confident, even then. Did his dad…?

 

What if I’m worse? What if I remind him of his dad?

 

“No, you’re not,” Bee said, interrupting her thoughts.

 

“Reading my mind?” Loona asked sardonically.

 

“No, just your emotions. You love them as kids. You’d do anything to protect them, Sour Cream. Whatever anger and guilt you might’ve felt over things you did when they were adults, you don’t feel that they should have to suffer it as kids. And you want to do better.”

 

“I don’t know if I can, Bee,” Loona admitted. “I’m a screw-up, more than most. And these feelings, it’s…it’s…hard to process them. I just don’t know if…I don’t know what’s wrong with me.”

 

“There’s nothing wrong with you, Sour Cream,” Bee said firmly. “You care. There’s nothing wrong with caring; it’s why I care for Tex and-”

 

The Sin stopped talking, and Loona’s curiosity was piqued. “Is there…someone else other than Tex?” she asked.

 

“Well…maybe?” Bee drawled, her attitude coming back. “Poly relationships aren’t exactly forbidden in Hell, and I’m a Sin.”

 

“Well, just don’t hurt Tex with it,” the hellhound said quickly.

 

“We’ve talked,” Bee answered cryptically; Loona was honestly a little worried. “Um, you think you could go to lunch with him about a week from now?”

 

Loona’s heartrate quickened. Lunch with Tex? Alone? What was the catch…?

 

“No catch.” Damn Bee reading her emotions like a book. “Just…to talk, you know?”

 

“But Moxxie and Millie-”

 

“I’m pretty sure they’re eligible for kindergarten, and it’s about February. I could even pay for the first month. Just…do this for me?”

 

Loona sighed. “Okay. For Moxxie and Millie, Bee. Don’t know why you’re acting like this…”

 

“Just…admittedly worried. I have to report to Lucifer, Satan, and the other Sins about the unscheduled Extermination Day tomorrow, everything that happened.”

 

“I do not want Moxxie’s or Millie’s parents finding out,” Loona whispered desperately, hearing Blitz sob in his sleep.

 

“We might not have a choice. If Hellborn have been targeted, that’s breaking a major rule that Lucifer and Heaven agreed upon. And…they’d have the right to their kids. Say…is kind of strict in that regard.”

 

“I am NOT returning Moxxie to his father,” Loona growled.

 

“Okay, we can try to come up with a lawyer, but…do you have money? Say…insists that everyone in Family Court pays for their own attorney, if someone isn’t doing it pro-bono - and nobody does pro-bono in Hell.”

 

Shit. I fucked up again!

 

“You didn’t! It would come out anyway, and being truthful is only going to help your case. Please, just…we can move the date with Tex and…we can move it up to two days from now, and I’ll pay for the entirety of kindergarten for the rest of the year. Deal?”

 

Loona was tempted to just shut off the phone at this point. Now she knew she screwed up; Pride’s Family Courts were notoriously strict with the worst judges in human history like James Clark McReynolds, Roger Taney, and Roland Freisler as just a few of the most infamous ones in Hell.

 

But the date with Tex and the promise of payment for the rest of kindergarten won her over; it wasn’t like they had much money to spare, and they needed every bit of help they could get at this point.

 

"Okay, Bee. I trust you,” Loona said, gently rubbing Moxxie and Millie’s backs, not knowing if they’d still be with her afterward…but praying to Lucifer - Hell, even to God Himself - that things would be all right.

Notes:

The three judges mentioned (for all of you history buffs out there):

James Clark McReynolds - Supreme Court Justice in the 30s, raging anti-Semite who refused to be photographed with his fellow Jewish Supreme Court Justices, racist who disowned his nephew for playing jazz and regularly used his Black helper as a dog to go in the rivers to fetch the birds he shot, ableist bigotry towards Franklin Delano Roosevelt, and was sexist towards women in his courtroom to boot.

Roger Taney - Supreme Court Justice in the 1800s who authored the Dred Scott decision with racist language that was beyond the pale, even for his time.

Roland Freisler - Nazi Germany's head judge who conducted sham trials and sent hundreds to horrible deaths.

I figured that Family Court in Hell has to suck, especially with Satan being...Satan, and these men are the single most evil judges I could find that were already dead.

Chapter 5: Nightmarish Needs

Blitz was having the same nightmare he always had.

 

The fire.

 

The horses he cared for every day, the circus staff, Fizz, all burning. The dead accusing him of killing them, even though he begged them to understand that it was an accident, even though it was all his fault. His father whaling on him in a rage. Barbie, traumatized. His mom, Tilla, oh, Satan, his mom, dying, burning alive in his arms as he screamed to the flaming sky.

 

He begged. He begged them to understand, but they kept screaming at him, their voices the shrieks of the damned, as they burned, burned, burned!

 

And they demanded he burn with them.

 

And he always would.

 

Forever.

 

Blitz woke up hyperventilating, his eyes darting side-to-side in a panic; he had stopped screaming from the recurring nightmare a long time ago. He noticed he was on the floor, and for a moment, he wondered if he had fallen off of the couch; it wouldn’t be the first time the nightmare would do that. Only…when he saw the couch, the two little kids peacefully slept while Loona was in the kitchen, making food.

 

Then everything hit him. It hit him like a runaway tank. Moxxie and Millie turning into little kids, the ultimatum by the exorcist angel, Stolas, the kiss, the…was there something more? Could there ever be something more with the higher-up snooty bitch that was married to Stolas in the way?

 

Lucifer Almighty, loving Stolas felt like a drug. The Goetia Prince brought feelings into his life that he had thought that he had buried a long time ago. With Fizz. Except Fizz was now with Asmodeus, they…they made his day at that club awful. With Verosika, who hated his guts. With so many people, so many different people that he had hurt.

 

But if Fizz could be with Asmodeus, and if Verosika could become a famous pop star, then maybe…

 

Stop thinking that. He’s just using you for a cheap lay. That’s all they ever do with people like you.

 

And then there were the kids, no, the M&M couple who were turned into kids. He felt like, maybe, just maybe, he could have that loving family, that sweet release that he had fucked up and lost so long ago. And yet…Loona’s words were finally sinking in. Kids were going to cost a serious amount of money, even if they used to be adults. And there was the matter of schooling.

 

Thank Lucifer it’s the weekend.

 

He knew he was down two members of I.M.P., but it wouldn’t be his first time riding solo. He had to earn money somehow. He couldn’t exactly beg Stolas for more money.

 

You could, a cruel voice said in his head. You might have to do things you don’t want to do, but you could easily get the money.

 

It was tempting, but-

 

“Oh, you’re awake, Blitz,” Loona said, a guilty look in her eyes.

 

The smell of bacon and pancakes was in the air. Obviously, it had to be for her, but…

 

“Could you wake up Moxx and Mills, Blitz? I made enough for the four of us.”

 

Blitz did a quick double take. Loona never cooked for more than herself. Never. It was like Lucifer and God decided to make sweet love in front of his eyes, and he didn’t know what to think about Loona’s sudden philanthropy.

 

“Come on, Blitz, just wake them up. I have to talk to you anyway.”

 

The imp groaned, stretching his back, as he gently shook Moxxie first.

 

“Wha-” the small imp boy muttered. “Uncle Blitz? Where’s Auntie Loona?”

 

“She’s cooking for you,” the adult imp said with a sigh before shaking Millie next.

 

Only the small girl imp was already awake, and she shouted, “BOO!”, making Blitz jump as she giggled like a hyena.

 

“Come on, you two,” Loona said. “Pancakes and bacon are ready for you guys.”

 

“Ooh, bacon!” Millie squealed happily. “I love bacon!”

 

“Is there syrup for the pancakes?” Moxxie asked.

 

“Yep,” Loona said before muttering under her breath, “Just enough.”

 

“Yaaay!” the two regressed imps shouted, as they ran to the table.

 

Thankfully, the two chairs had booster seats for the two children, and - with a little bit of supervision - they were cutting the pancakes into manageable bites, the syrup sticking to their faces. Loona took a picture of them as they giggled.

 

“Really getting into the ‘mom’ mode, aren’t you, sweetie?” Blitz said with a smile. His little girl was growing up, and he didn’t know how to feel about it.

 

“Oh, go sit on a d…eat your food already, Blitz,” Loona grumbled, forcing herself to censor her words.

 

“Don’t mind if I do,” the adult imp said proudly as he ate the pancakes; he figured he’d save the bacon for Loona. “So, what’re we going to do?”

 

“It’s what I need to talk to you about,” Loona said, as she got a towel to wash the messy faces of the two children. “I called Bee last night.”

 

“What?” Blitz was a bit worried. Getting Ring Lords involved in this could only mean a bad time for them.

 

“She said…well, she has to report this. All of this. To Lucifer and Satan and every Ring Lord.”

 

“Loona, why did you do that?” Blitz was forcing himself to be calm as Moxxie and Millie stared at him. He knew that he couldn’t explode with anger like he usually did. Not in front of kids.

 

“And…we need a lawyer. A pro-bono lawyer, preferably.”

 

The seriousness hit Blitz again, this time like a derailed train. Family Court. And Satan was notorious for having the worst judges there, the worst prosecutors there, and he almost never separated kids from families, no matter what.

 

“How are we going to afford that, sweetie?” he said, trying desperately to hold in his chaotic emotions.

 

“Well…Bee said that she’d pay for kindergar-”

 

“I do not give a single fuck about kindergarten, Loona.” There was an edge in his tone that made his adopted daughter whimper a bit. “How the fuck we going to afford any lawyer, Loona? Nobody does pro-bono in Hell. Nobody. That’s why all of the lawyers are in Hell; they’re greedy assholes who like to screw over people. I don’t expect any lawyer in Hell to do this for free.”

 

“I…found a lawyer who’s willing to do it pro-bono. Well…technically, he’s a law student who passed the bar in the human world. He just got registered by Hell, and he’s been here for two weeks, and-”

 

“Two weeks? He’s a Sinner, isn’t he?”

 

“...Yes, but he passed the bar with exceptional-”

 

“He’s going to try to screw us somehow, Loona. You know that. Sinners go here for a reason. Sinners get purged by Heaven for a reason. And if he’s been in Hell for only two weeks, and he’s trying to get suckers to go with him…either he’s a hack or a con artist.”

 

“He’s the only lawyer in Hell doing pro-bono. I’ve looked everywhere, in every Ring in Hell. There is no other option. Blitz, I made a promise with Bee. She’ll pay for kindergarten for the rest of the year. Stolas could-”

 

“No.”

 

“I thought you liked him-”

 

“I…just…stay away from that topic. You can meet with the lawyer, but-”

 

“I contacted him already. He wants to meet all four of us.”

 

“We’re going on a ride?” Moxxie asked timidly.

 

“Is it all right if we get toys if we’re good?” Millie asked in a small tone.

 

“Sure, I’ll buy you both a toy,” Loona said with a soft smile to both, which immediately brought Blitz back to his senses and back to a sudden guilt trip. He nearly lost his cool with his own daughter in front of the regressed couple, and for what? For her trying to do the right thing?

 

I really am a fuck-up, am I?

 

“Blitz, this time, I’m driving. We don’t have booster seats currently, so-”

 

“Can we even afford booster seats?” Blitz asked, his thoughts still warring inside him.

 

“His office should be somewhere close to us, but I’m not taking any chances.”

 

“Come on, I’m not that bad of a-”

 

“You are,” Loona said bluntly, as she picked up the two kids to their happy squeals. “You’re in the back seat. Entertain them. You were a clown once, weren’t you?”

 

Blitz bit his lips. It was coming too close to his past. “Yeah, but-”

 

“So, make them laugh. I know you can do it, Da-Blitz.”

 

The imp clown-turned-assassin’s eyes widened, and Loona’s eyes widened as she noticeably flushed.

 

“Did you just-”

 

“Just entertain them, Blitz.” Loona’s voice was a soft warning growl…but her tail was wagging. “Car ride shouldn’t take too long, even with Pride’s traffic.”

 

-

 

Spoiler alert: it did take a long time, especially since a bomb from an aspiring Overlord had exploded on the main street, incinerating the street, some of the buildings, and the aspiring Overlord alike. The traffic was still a bitch with the honking horns, the swearing, and the drive-bys that were normal in Hell.

 

And Moxxie and Millie were constantly asking, “Are we there yet?” like the little kids they were (for the moment), and weren’t listening to Blitz at all, squirming in their seatbelts.

 

“We’re alllmost there,” Loona sang in an annoyed high-pitched tone, looking at the HPS as she put in her headphones. Lucky her.

 

Blitz was left with the whining of both regressed imps as they asked him if they were there yet. How would he know? He didn’t even know this lawyer, where he lived, anything. But he used all of his skills to make them laugh, and they did laugh at the balloons blowing up in his face, the silly faces he made.

 

I never thought that my circus skills would ever come in handy for my own children. After all, IMP had the whole, “Kids die for free” thing…

 

Blitz felt uncomfortable. Kids, settling down, all of that wasn’t exactly in his vocabulary, even at his age; hell, Loona seemed to be more comfortable around the de-aged couple than he was. And using his old circus skills, which hit far too close to home for his liking, to entertain people was…well, he wasn’t used to this.

 

Aren’t they the family you always wanted, though? a little voice inside his head asked him. Come on, this can’t be the worst thing. At least they seem to like you.

 

“More balloons, Uncle Blitz!” Millie squeaked happily, her hair and tiny horns covered in the remnants of popped balloons. Moxxie looked significantly less happy with the balloon remnants on his small horns and his white hair, but he wasn’t exactly whining “Are we there yet?” at the moment, so that was a good thing, right?

 

“We’re here!” Loona called out to the group before Blitz heard her mutter, “About time, too.”

 

The building they parked at was rather small and plain, a one-story building stuck in the middle of several apartments. If the van hadn’t had the HPS, they probably would’ve missed it.

 

Loona picked up the two children from the van, holding them gently in her arms, as she picked the balloon fragments out of their hair and horns, and Blitz, again, was marveling at - and yet regretting simultaneously - how his little girl was growing up.

 

He opened the door for them, looking at the interior. Again, nothing particularly special about this place. Plain flooring, walls hastily painted white, with a desk that held no accessories other than a laptop and stacks of paper, and a few chairs as the only furniture in the room. It looked like a minor set-up for someone who had only been there for two weeks.

 

A male Sinner was at the desk, steepling his clawed fingers. He looked a lot like a mix between a regular bat with enormous ears for the size of his head and black fur all over his head and a flying fox with his huge red eyes and large snout. He wore a black suit and a simple golden tie, but Blitz could see the outlines of the wings that were hidden beneath the suit and could see the flickering black imp-like tail that twitched.

 

He looked at all four of them. “Let’s get down to business, shall we?” he said in a calm Jamaican accent.

 

“Ooh, are you a vampire?” Millie interrupted.

 

“You don’t drink blood, do you?” Moxxie asked cautiously.

 

The Sinner chuckled a bit. “No, no, apparently, this form is a fruit-eating bat, like what I ate in life,” he said with a small, toothy smile. “Vegetables, fruit, and dairy only. No meat, no grains, and sadly not a vampire.”

 

“Aww…vampires are cool,” the small girl imp grumbled, as Loona set her and Moxxie down, so they could explore before the two sat in the chairs.

 

“So long as he doesn’t sparkle in the sunlight,” Blitz muttered under his breath. “Are you the lawyer? You’re not here to scam us, because I-”

 

The bat Sinner held up his claw, his eyes surprisingly calm, even though he was accused of being a scammer. “You asked for a pro-bono lawyer in Hell. I’m the only one doing pro-bono cases. In fact, you’re my only case…the name is Jarel Honeyghan. You are free to call me Jarel. I assume that you are Loona-” He pointed at the hellhound, “and you are Blitzo?”

 

“The ‘o’ is silent, buddy,” Blitz said. “And you’re seriously doing this for free? What’s your angle?”

 

“Blitz,” Loona hissed under her breath.

 

“I understand why you think I wouldn’t do this out of charity; Hell is notorious for its lack of such a thing.” Jarel’s eyes turned serious. “But I am…was a man of God. I was raised with morals and ethics.”

 

“A lawyer with morals and ethics.” Blitz snorted skeptically. “A man of God in Hell. Loona, this guy’s full of it.”

 

“Do you realize that Hell’s Family Court is notorious for stacking the bid against adoptions when there are actual family members that are alive?” the bat Sinner asked calmly, his eyes not breaking contact with the imp’s. “Do you know how to call forth witnesses to the defense, pick a jury, comply with all of the legal rules? From what I’ve gathered, both Moxxie and Millie Knolastname have actual living family members who would love to have them back, for very different reasons, and Satan and his handpicked judges would be quite willing to acquiesce to their demands. Do you want to see Mr. Knolastname back with an abusive father? Do you want Mrs. Knolastname to be separated from her husband possibly forever? Are you willing to die to the Exorcists because you think I’m, what were your words, ‘full of it’?”

 

Blitz’s yellow eyes were glaring as he growled, “Watch your words carefully, Mr. Hotshot Lawyer.”

 

“Blitz!” Loona snapped.

 

“How do you know all of this shit going on? Have you been spying on us?”

 

“Because I asked Loona beforehand for information, and I looked up everything having to do with Mr. and Mrs. Knolastname’s family situations. It’s Law 101, not rocket science.” Jarel shrugged. “The one thing a lawyer never does is go into a case where he doesn’t know everything of what goes on with his clients or in a courtroom.”

 

“And you did this all for free?” Blitz asked.

 

“Because I owe my penance to it.”

 

“Trying to get to Heaven or something?”

 

“I don’t expect to ever get into Heaven after what I did, and that’s all I’m going to say about my days when I wasn’t here. I’m in Hell, and that’s it. That’s my penance: to do what I can to make a positive difference, even here.”

 

“Uncle Blitz, Auntie Loona, can we have our toys now?” Moxxie interrupted, tugging on Blitz’s long coat.

 

“I gotta go to the bathroom!” Millie whined.

 

“Should be behind the door,” Jarel said kindly.

 

He got out of his seat, his black Oxfords clicking on the floor, as he opened the door for Millie, who zoomed in just as Loona said after her, “Don’t forget to wash your hands, Mills!” before shutting a bit of it for privacy.

 

The bat Sinner looked at the two adults as Loona picked up Moxxie. “Now, we can conclude this, Blitz. If you refuse my services, I won’t say anything more. But if you accept, you are going to have to be honest with me entirely because I can’t abide or afford liars, especially in somewhere as serious as court.”

 

The imp sighed. “I guess I don’t have much of a choice. I guess we’re partners, Jerry.”

 

“Jarel.”

 

“Sure, that.”

 

Millie skipped out of the bathroom and Loona sighed.

 

“Millie, you didn’t wash your hands.”

 

“But the toys-”

 

“I promise you’ll get a toy - after you wash your hands. Do you need me to help you?”

 

“Okay, Auntie Loona…”

 

“Moxxie, do you need to go to the bathroom before we get you your toy?”

 

“I guess so…”

 

Jarel patiently opened the door for the imp boy to enter the bathroom, before closing some of the door for privacy.

 

“Mills, wait for Moxx to finish, and then we’re washing both of your hands.”

 

“Aww…”

 

“I suppose even Hell has children,” the bat Sinner said with a sigh. “Don’t know why child Sinners are in Hell; I encountered too many of them that were killed from the last Extermination…”

 

“You haven’t been here long enough,” Loona said bluntly. “There’s a lot of child Sinners, and Exorcists don’t spare anyone they encounter.”

 

“And yet one of those Exorcists made a huge blunder that might shake the foundries of peace beyond our understanding - and you four were caught in the middle.”

 

Moxxie exited the bathroom, jumping into Loona’s arms. The hellhound immediately went in with the two imp children, the sound of the faucet running, and hands being scrubbed to the vocal displeasure of the two children echoing from the room.

 

“So, Blitz.” The imp turned to the bat Sinner. “I’ve looked up a lot - yes, your past included. It’s all going to come out. Your past, Loona’s past, Moxxie’s and Millie’s pasts, even mine; that’s what any prosecutor worth their salt will do to find any advantage they can. So, I want you to confirm for me that you’re ready for this. You can have me with you or not…but if you have me on your side, you will stand more of a chance than you will alone. I don’t want you to be alone in this.”

 

“I’m not going to say every-” Blitz began, before he saw the look in Jarel’s eyes.

 

“Everything is going to come out. You will have to be honest about everything because if you lie, you will be caught. If Hell’s Family Court is anything like Earth’s, perjury is a real problem. A prison problem. I don’t know what it’ll cost in Hell, but I’m assuming it’s worse.”

 

Blitz sighed. “Look, my past is…complicated,” the imp admitted before Loona came out with the grumbling imp children. “All of our pasts are complicated. Everyone in Hell has issues, some more than others.”

 

“You’re talking about pasts?” Loona asked, a tremor in her tone.

 

“I’m saying a good prosecutor will look for any avenue to declare you unfit for parenting. Law is a dirty business, and you need someone who will look out for you there. Do you have the money to pay for children to be taken care of? A room of their own? Food to put on the table? Schooling? If they're happy where they're at? Everything will be looked at.”

 

“I’m not sure-” Loona quickly said.

 

The bat Sinner’s red eyes stared calmly at the two adults, but his expression brooked absolutely no nonsense, as he cut them both off with five words. “I need to know everything.”

Chapter 6: Abusive Actions

Notes:

I've finally got a chapter up! As a warning, there is domestic violence in this chapter (those who have watched "The Circus" will know). Viewer discretion is advised.

Stolas was at a luncheon - hosted by his wife - looking at her chatting up the other Goetia nobles from his lonely balcony when he received a call from Blitz. He took a deep breath before answering.

 

“Yes, Blitzy?” he asked. “What is it?”

 

“Oh, Loona and I are at a lawyer’s place for Family Court, we found one pro-bono, and he needs to know everything for lawyer reasons, so he wants you there to help explain things.”

 

“It’s not a good time, Blitz,” Stolas said in annoyance, looking around, just in case anyone was listening.

 

“I know, but this lawyer’s saying everything will come out at trial. Everything. The book included.”

 

The Goetia Prince froze. If the Grimoire’s existence, particularly Blitz’s usage of it and why, along with why he allowed Blitz to use it, came out…all Hell would break loose. He could be stripped of everything, including his rights to see Octavia, which was something he would never accept.

 

And at the same time, he knew everything could come out. Of course, he had access to lawyers to snarl up things for his own sake, but Blitz, Loona, and the couple? No, their asses were fried.

 

“You said you found a lawyer pro-bono?” Stolas asked.

 

“Yeah, and again, he’s saying-”

 

“I understand what he’s saying,” the Goetia demon said. “I’m asking if he’s good.”

 

“Do you want to talk to him?”

 

“Sure, of course.”

 

Silence. One second. Two seconds. “Hello, Prince Stolas of the Ars Goetia,” a polite male Jamaican voice came over the line. “Jarel Honeyghan, defense attorney. I take it that you understand the details of what’s going on?”

 

Stolas’s eyes narrowed. “The recent mass murderer from New York?” he asked, his voice almost a hiss.

 

“Brooklyn’s North Crown Heights, to be precise, but yes, one and the same,” the voice came back, unerringly polite. “I was also a defense attorney in life, passed the New York state bar with distinction, passed Hell’s bar with distinction two days ago.”

 

“If you’re fucking with Blitz, Mr. Honeyghan, you will regret it,” Stolas said coldly. “I will destroy your soul if you are.”

 

“I’m not fucking with Mr. Buckzo, Prince Stolas,” the voice said calmly. “And I only have one true regret that my soul can never pay for enough.”

 

Stolas heard a tiny trace of bitterness and grief behind the calm mask, something almost familiar. “You lost someone close to you, and you can never see them again.” the Goetia Prince said, this time much more gently than he had been.

 

“And it will come out in the trial. Everything will come out,” Jarel said, and Stolas’s perceptive ears heard the sheer sorrow and pain buried beneath the calm facade. “Anything that could make Mr. Blitz Buckzo or Miss Loona Buckzo seem like unfit parents, anything about the pasts of Mr. and Mrs. Knolastname, my past, your past, everything.”

 

“You want me to help with it. Can I wait until my wife’s party is over?” Stolas asked.

 

“Beelzebub should already be at Lucifer’s meeting, telling him that Heaven targeted two Hellborn, breaking the laws between Heaven and Hell that target only Sinners - as she should; Hell’s laws prevent her from lying about that. As soon after that happens, Mr. and Mrs. Knolastname’s parents will immediately know, as Satan will let them know to prepare for court. As soon as they know, they will contact their lawyers, and those attorneys will file motions to dismiss the Buckzos’ case for parenting on grounds of being unfit. I need you here. Immediately.”

 

Stolas sighed and began making a portal…before Stella grabbed his arm from behind, her claws sinking into his feathers, tracing rivulets of red downward.

 

“And where the fuck do you think you’re going?!” she screeched. “To see that filthy imp again?! And to think that you couldn’t sink any lower, that our family couldn’t get embarrassed and dragged through the mud further, that you’d go to a cheap hotel to cheat on me?! With him?!”

 

Stolas sighed, still on the phone. “Stella, why are you still here?” he asked, keeping his voice calm. “You always leave with Via on weekends, but then you stay around the house despite everything.”

 

“I love to torment you,” she sneered. “To remind you of what you did, what you’re still doing-”

 

“I know what I did,” Stolas said, cutting her off. “I’d feel terrible if I hurt you, but we both know I didn’t do that. Our marriage was arranged for one reason: to birth a precautionary heir to the Goetia family, nothing more. I tried, Lucifer knows I’ve tried, to make this both comfortable for us to have this family, but it was never enough.” He breathed. “The only reason I have endured your constant insults and cruelties was for Via to have a normal life.” He breathed again, more heavily. “I cannot do this anymore. I want you out. Now.”

“Out?! What do you mean by that?”

 

“I mean OUT! Out of this palace, and out of my life! We are getting THE divorce, and I was going to a lawyer to do so!”

 

“How DARE you?!” Stella’s talons had drawn more blood on his arm as she drew it back, ready to hit him, like she always did. “What do you think the rest of the Goetia family will think? When Andrealphus-”

 

Stolas caught her attempted blow. “I don’t care what your arrogant brother thinks!” he shouted. “And the only thing the Goetia family has wanted from our marriage is already seventeen, so it’s over! I’m done!”

 

He turned his back on his now-ex-wife, releasing her hand before he went into the portal. Alone. As he always had been.

 

Then why did he feel the presence of another pair of eyes? And were they watching him, Stella, or both of them?

 

Ignoring the presence, Stolas came into a spartan office via the portal, and Millie all but tackled him with a hug.

 

“Uncle Stolas!” she squealed. “Did you bring us toys? Are you gonna read us another story?”

 

The owl was still downcast from the earlier argument, but he tried to smile at her. “I’ll get them. Hang on.”

 

He opened another glowing portal to a stuffed animal store, and he paid for two of them with a few souls: a Hellpossum (a notable wild animal in the Wrath Ring; a fuzzy gray thing almost as big as the children with cute black orbs for eyes and a large tail) for Moxxie and a Hellhog, a giant gray pig-like animal, for Millie that almost eclipsed her size.

 

“It’s a Hellpiggy!” Millie squeaked, cuddling the surprisingly soft Hellhog plushie against her face. “Her name’s gonna be Mrs. Piggy!”

 

“I’m gonna name mine ‘Gray’ ‘cause he’s gray!” Moxxie echoed with his own squeak, cuddling with his Hellpossum.

 

“What do we say to Uncle Stolas, Moxx and Mills?” Loona prodded.

 

“Thank you, Uncle Stolas!” the two children chorused, and the owl, even though he still had tear marks around his eyes, couldn’t help but smile.

 

“You’re quite welcome,” he said, turning to the bat Sinner. “Did you…?”

 

“Unfortunately, I overheard,” Jarel said calmly. “I’m assuming you need to speak with your lawyers on her as well, am I not correct?”

 

“Yes,” Stolas said in a soft, miserable tone, absentmindedly showing a giant moving galaxy with constellations, solar and lunar eclipses, supernovas, and black holes for Moxxie and Millie to keep them occupied, along with their new stuffed animals. “I just…Lucifer, I don’t even know. How is Octavia going to handle this?”

 

Jarel sighed. “Just be honest with her - because your wife won’t be, if her personality-” The Sinner glanced at the bloody marks around Stolas’s arm where Stella’s claws had pierced him, a bit of anger showing in his ruby red eyes, “-is anything to go by. I know it’ll hurt both of you, but honesty is always the best policy when it comes to divorce and hurts the children a hell of a lot less; take it from a man whose parents divorced and lied as easy as breathing. She’s almost an adult, is she not?”

 

Stolas narrowed all four of his eyes. “How-”

 

“I’m a lawyer, it’s Law 101 to know everything you can about every situation you find yourself in legally. If she’s almost an adult, she deserves to know the truth like one. It’ll hurt a lot less than lying to her about your ex-wife.”

 

Blitz’s eyes widened. “Wait, you di-”

 

“I did. It’s over with her.” The owl knew that a part of him was admittedly happy that he would no longer have to deal with Stella’s abuse…but the vast majority of him was worried sick about Via and what his ex-wife would say to her.

 

And then there was her brother, a Marquis of Hell…

 

“Let’s get down to business; I know you three all have busy lives,” Jarel said with a cool air in his tone. “The book. What were you using it for?”

 

Stolas hesitated. “I gave it to Blitzy to use for his job with the promise that he give it back by the full moon for my duties…and favors. For favors.”

 

“I’m assuming those favors were sexual in nature?”

 

“Yes, but-”

 

“So, they were done out of love, am I correct?”

 

Stolas looked at Blitz, who looked stricken. They both remembered the night at Ozzie’s, how it…hurt both of them. Stolas knew that the favors were done for pleasure. Whether it was him or Blitz or both, he didn’t know, but love? That was a complicated thing.

 

“I’m not-”

 

“They were done out of love, am I correct?”

 

Stolas’s eyes widened at the implication. “I thought you said-”

 

“To be honest. You’re still being honest; just a more justifiable honest.” Jarel’s sharp teeth formed in a smile. “It would not be the first time that things like this - even in Hell - were done out of love, and it’s far better to be a crime of passion than a crime of malicious intent. And I can tell that you two have feelings for each other.”

 

“And how would you know?” Blitz asked.

 

“Please, I’ve had stuff like this come up too often on my table for me not to know. Feel free to admit your feelings, your pasts. I’m not here to judge in any way.”

 

Stolas sighed. “Blitz was…my very first friend,” he admitted. “I was brought up primarily to house the Grimoire and birth a precautionary heir. And the arranged marriage between me and Stella was…heavily abusive, loveless, the only light being my daughter. I saw him again…”

 

“Taking things from the palace like I did when we were kids,” Blitz admitted.

 

“...And I fell back in love. At least, I thought…I don’t know. I don’t want you just for sex, Blitz.”

 

“You…don’t?” Blitz sounded confused.

 

“I want you. Just as you are.”

 

“I’m kinda fucked the way I am…”

 

“Aren’t we all?” the young hellhound, Loona, said, keeping her eyes on the two imp children.

 

“You don’t want me, really,” Blitz said bluntly, causing Stolas’s heart to break all over again. “I’m-”

 

“Yourself,” the Goetia Prince whispered. “Unashamedly yourself.”

 

“And I don’t want to be me,” Blitz’s voice was growing harsher.

 

“Why do you hate yourself so much, Blitz? I saw your pictures in your apartment, every face in pictures X’d out. Why would you do-”

 

“I killed my mom, okay?!”

Chapter 7: Hellbound Hellhound

Summary:

As a WARNING: abusive parents, child abuse, more than hinted child prostitution, implied rape and molestation. Viewer discretion is STRONGLY advised.

Loona stared in shock at Blitz’s confession. Stolas was also quite stunned. Thankfully, the M&M kids were too engrossed in Stolas’s created galaxy and making their new plushies fight to the death in an odd children’s game to notice. Only Jarel looked calm, his red eyes brooding as he steepled his clawed fingers.

 

“What?” she whispered.

 

“It was an accident…I didn’t mean to…but it was all my fault. All of it. Fizz’s injuries. Barbie going to drugs. My mom…all the deaths…all of it…” Blitz broke down into sobs.

 

The hellhound, for her part, was stunned. Blitz was normally a devil-may-care sort. He never admitted to anything that was his fault. He was confident, brash, larger than life…but now he seemed small and broken, like a little toy, as he admitted to a massive fault that he had.

 

She went over to hug him, gently and firmly. “Whatever happened, I don’t care. You’re still…”

 

Loona hesitated, hesitant to say the “d” word. What was a dad, anyway? What were parents? What was anything to this badass hellhound girl who was against all of Hell and everyone in it?

 

And yet, seeing Blitz look at her, tears in his eyes from pain…she bit her lip until she tasted blood.

 

Why did they have to talk about the past, anyway? It was dead, gone, and never coming back. But with Stolas, who had just escaped a living nightmare with his cunt of a wife? With Blitz, who looked so broken with guilt? They hadn’t escaped it - and if she was honest with herself…she hadn’t escaped hers, either.

 

“He’s your father.” Jarel had spoken.

 

“He’s no-” Loona bit her tongue. “Just…it’s…complicated. He adopted me when I was a month away from turning eighteen, I just…”

 

“I adopted you because I saw myself in you.” Blitz’s words stunned her, as he gazed at her as if she was the most valuable person in the world. “Feeling angry, feeling like the whole world was against you…and I adopted you to be my daughter. And yes, sometimes, I fuck up. You’ve only called me dad once, have only come close two other times - and I won’t ask for more until you feel I deserve it as a father and a person. Because I love you, Loona, just the way you are, and nothing will ever change that.”

 

“I…” Loona breathed, her memories fading away to the earlier days. The bad days.

 

She was four years old on that winter night again. She was shivering, her raggedy knee-length dress and fur not enough to protect her from the cold. She was listening to her parents arguing furiously, always arguing over her, cowering underneath the worn-out bed, as if it could protect her from their hate, even though she knew that they all lived in a single room together. Nothing was secret. Nothing was sacred. Nothing was safe.

 

“Fuck, you know I never asked for a kid!” her daddy growled angrily. “We should just dump her on the streets or kill her. Either one works!”

 

“And waste a valuable asset that I spent birthing?” her mommy snarled. “Fuck that; pimp her out! Lucifer knows we could use the money!”

 

“And where would we do that? We don’t want to get found…”

 

“Pride’s full of Sinners, full of freaks! And I have the perfect place in mind...”

 

Loona felt her tail get grabbed from underneath the bed, and she yelped in pain as she was dragged out.

 

A paw smacked her hard enough to knock out one of her baby teeth and draw blood from her mouth. “Shut up, or I’ll give you something to really whine about!” her daddy growled, his reddish-gray fur bristling. “Your mommy is going to talk to you. This is very important, so you better listen.”

 

Her mommy would’ve been beautiful, with silverish-gray fur and an envious figure…if not for her cold and cruel red eyes. She hit Loona a lot of times, and her daddy hit the young hellhound a lot of times, too…but she had never felt more fear of her parental figures than she did now, with her mommy appraising her like a fancy chain collar, with her daddy looking at her with a new perspective…like she was… meat.

 

“Listen to me, Loona,” her mommy growled, as she grabbed Loona’s hand like a vise. “We’re going to go to a place in Pride. You will not tell anyone what goes on there. You will listen to every grown-up, whether it’s me, Daddy, or whatever person is there. You will do whatever we say, no matter what happens. If you don’t do those things, you will wish you were never born. Got it?!”

 

“Yes, Mommy,” Loona whimpered, her tail tucked between her legs.

 

“You know…it could work, dearest,” her daddy chuckled before fixing Loona with a glare. “Now, Loona, we’re going to the car. You’re going to be quiet the entire way there, understand?”

 

She nodded, and they went into the old, beat-up car, clearly not child safe as she was in her mommy’s lap in the passenger side. Her mommy was holding her wrist until welts formed as her daddy drove. The bright lights shone on and on as Loona looked at the streets, filled with garbage, blood, and homeless and dead Hellborn and Sinners alike. They continued driving, Loona breathing but not daring to talk. The odd thing was that her daddy never honked the horn the entire way through, as if he preferred this drive in the car over his home.

 

The place they arrived at, The Cherry, was seedy, dirty, and filled with Sinners of all kinds, all of whom were looking at her with expressions she didn’t know but didn’t like. Loona heard screams coming from the place - some of ecstasy, but most of them pain - and she whimpered before her mommy grabbed her hand, her claws digging in until blood started to drip from them.

 

“Not a word,” her mommy snarled, before they both got out, dragging Loona along as they entered.

 

The interior was worse: blood-red walls, stained deeper crimson and oozing with…Loona didn’t want to know what it was. The ceiling lights flickered like dying fireflies in the night, some of them having long since burned out. The floor was wooden, hard on Loona’s bare feet. Her eyes were looking around instinctively for an escape when there was none, she wanted to go back home, back to her home. She didn’t care how many times her parents hit her, she just wanted to go back home with them.

 

They walked over to a morbidly obese cockroach Sinner at the front desk, directing people to various rooms, his multiple arms covered with a stained red suit. He looked at them with beady red eyes and gave a greasy smile with blackened fangs.

 

“Well, I haven’t seen you three here,” he hissed. “Welcome to this establishment. I assume you know the rules?”

 

“I’m here for a price on her,” her mommy said smoothly, putting Loona forward, as the cockroach Sinner grabbed her, her skin crawling from his touch.

 

“Hmm…I’m pretty sure we could advertise her to our…less-reputable clients,” he said. “Five-hundred souls sounds about right.”

 

“An even one thousand,” her daddy demanded. “She’s four years old, and we’re risking a lot already. She’s also a virgin.”

 

The cockroach man looked at them. “Seven-fifty. I will not go higher.”

 

“I-”

 

“Done,” her mommy said. “Now, Loona, behave until we’re back.” Loona caught a wink between her mommy and the cockroach man as money was passed, but she didn’t know what to make of it then.

 

She knew now: her mother and father had no intention of ever coming back.

 

They left, and Loona was guided to a room by the cockroach Sinner, his greasy fingers on her shoulders enough to make her skin crawl with goosebumps, her tail between her legs, her fur fluffed up in fear. The room was completely empty, except for a bed…a bed with chains on it. The cockroach man threw her on, quickly chaining her wrists, then her ankles. Loona was terrified, she didn’t like this at all, but she couldn’t disobey, her mommy and daddy told her not to…

 

“Heh. Wow. Seven-hundred-and-fifty souls. For this fine tail?” the cockroach Sinner chuckled, his eyes looking at her evilly and with an emotion the young hellhound had never seen in anyone but one that immediately sent out all kinds of red flags. “Well, I promised Valentino not to sample the merchandise, but this is worth every soul.”

 

He advanced on her…

 

Loona’s mind snapped forward, back to Blitz, Stolas, and Jarel staring at her. No, she was not going to reveal her past to them. Not now, not ever.

 

“Loony?” Blitz’s voice echoed in the room, as she growled warningly at him, her eyes enraged.

 

They were all the same, every fucking one of them. Her parents who abandoned her to the mercy of others; the cockroach Sinner and all of the men and women that had sex with her from that day on, whether she wanted it or not; the people who threw her into the pound after they shut down the establishment instead of returning her to her parents; the fat bitch in charge of the pound and the cagemates she had over the years; and now Blitz and Stolas and Jarel, every fucking one of them wanted to use her or something she had. She wasn’t going to have it. She was tired of being used and thrown away. And once Blitz knew how dirty she was…he’d do the same. They’d all do the same.

 

“Loona, we need-” Jarel began, before she snarled at him.

 

“You all can share your sob stories, but LEAVE - ME - OUT - OF - IT!” she screamed, before going into the bathroom, slamming the door shut, and locking it.

 

She heard Moxxie and Millie crying, kids like she was, and her heart began to ache with sorrow.

 

And she cried and wailed like a fucking baby.

Chapter 8: Squabbling Sins

Summary:

As a warning, Mammon says an...explicit slur directed towards a certain person. Plus, there's shrinking in this. Viewers be warned.

Beelzebub was not looking forward to this meeting of Sins in the judgment hall’s inner chambers, mainly because of her words to Loona.

 

Sour Cream. There was a side of her - no, more than one side - that Queen Bee loved and was curious about. No, not just that cute ass she wanted to squeeze, but something else…

 

“Mammon, will you stop bitching about the cost of corpse removal from the streets?” Asmodeus snapped. “Christ on a stick, you do this every Extermination…”

 

“Shut yer piehole, Ozzie!” the bloated Sin of Greed clapped back while paying zero attention to the court; it looked like he was watching an Australian version of the hit human show ‘Rick and Morty’ on a Hellblet, while stuffing his face with what looked like last Sinsmas’s food. “This Extermination wasn’t planned! I don’t ‘ave ta do shit with you or anyone not named ‘Luci’!”

 

Asmodeus torched Mammon’s Hellblet to the latter’s screams of impotent rage, but Beelzebub’s thoughts were miles away.

 

Tex. Sour Cream. Is this…is this real? It’s like a high, but…

 

“You guys never call on me!” Leviathan whined in her wheedling tone. “Don’t you realize I have to bear the burden of Extermination Day as well?”

 

“Is it time to vote yet?” Belphegor mumbled in her half-asleep state, the candle-like flame between her horns flickering. “Because I vote for Levi to shut the fuck up.”

 

“Screw you, Belle! I will not be silenced!”

 

“Enough, all of you!” Satan growled, snorting smoke from his draconic snout. His personal therapist/assistant/whatever, Yogirt, was whispering in his ear to calm him down, but Bee could tell that Satan was not going to be calm. “The Extermination came ahead of schedule, true. Nobody of consequence was lost, unless anyone has something to say about it?”

 

Bee, compelled by the laws of Hell (a.k.a., the giant truth rune in the room that all of the Sins were in), reluctantly raised both hands on her left side.

 

“I do,” another voice said. A voice Bee hadn’t heard in years.

 

“Luci?”

 

Satan looked in awe and fear at the much smaller, pale humanoid, knowing that Lucifer, the King of Hell, whose spot he had taken for a spin, could snap him like a twig with his powers, no matter how large Satan grew. Of course, when it came to size manipulation of any object outside of themselves, Bee was the best, only second to the aforementioned humanoid above her.

 

Lucifer’s face was deadpan, inscrutable to all, but he looked all across the room, into every other Sin’s eyes, and they cowered when he did.

 

“I heard from talks of the Extermination being moved up a bit. It’s serious enough that I had to join. I heard rumors in Imp City, in particular-”

 

Bee started to tremble in fear, not wanting to betray Loona.

 

“Just that dump?” Leviathan interrupted while snickering.

 

“That’s it?” Mammon chuckled, as one of Levi’s heads tried to get with him, the other squirming away.

 

“Oh, we only lost a few imps-” Satan began, before Lucifer fixed all of them with a glare that cowed the entire room (and caused Mammon and Leviathan, all of their bravado gone, to whimper like beaten puppies).

 

“Any Hellborn being harmed during Extermination Day is a destruction of the laws Heaven and Hell agreed on. I don’t care what Hellborn they are; they are supposed to be safe, mainly because of the slippery slope they’re on. I’ve heard from my contacts in Heaven that they are desperately looking for a healer to come down to Hell, which never happens.” He turned to face Bee, who all but shrank herself down to hellhound-pup-size in terror of the King, her left arms still in the air. “Well, Beelzebub? I’m waiting.”

 

She shrank further, now the size of a bumblebee as all eyes were on her. “I…talked with my…friend, Loona.” She hated herself for talking about the hellhound’s private conversation with her, but she had no choice with the truth rune. “Two imps that she knows…were…harmed during Extermination Day.”

 

Satan glared at the shrunken Sin of Gluttony. “Why didn’t we hear that earlier?!” he roared before the roar caught in his throat from Lucifer’s glare at him, before the King looked at her, his expression not betraying any emotion.

 

“Continue,” he said.

 

“An Exorcist shot both of the imps that my…friend knows. Then…she turned them into children. Five-year olds. And tasked my friend and her dad to…take care of them under pain of death.”

 

“You’ve been drinkin' too much o’ your drink, Bee,” Mammon laughed.

 

“Or you’re getting into Belle’s drugs again,” Leviathan sneered.

 

“Nobody gets my drugs…” Belle mumbled, completely out of the loop as she snoozed.

 

“I believe her,” Ozzie spoke up, and Bee looked at him gratefully; she and Ozzie had always been on fairly good terms, having talked about dating demons below their stature (he had been vague on purpose, but it was really the worst kept secret in Hell that Ozzie and the imp entertainer, Fizzarolli, were going steady.), and her having no issues with it helped their friendship. “She’s standing on a literal truth rune.”

 

“She’s delusional,” Satan grumbled. “Age is not something that can be simply altered-”

 

“She’s right.” Lucifer’s words cowed the other Sins again. “Those are the rumors I heard as well. Moxxie and Millie Knolastname, if I’m not mistaken?”

 

“Wait, the two that were at my club?!” Ozzie demanded, his heads flaming. “That I had to kick out?!”

 

“The same,” Lucifer said with a bored sigh. “Don’t judge them; they’re children now and will be until Heaven can get off their asses and send a healer down.”

 

“I want them to go to their parents until then,” Satan growled. “Yogirt, send the folks-”

 

“Don’t!” Bee blurted out. “Please, at least let Blitz and Loona have a chance to go to Family Court! They have to have a lawyer by now-”

 

“I don’t care!” Satan snarled, flames coming out of his draconic nostrils. “Court is MY domain; even Lucifer acknowledges that!”

 

“I do…but as King of Hell, and given my daughter’s wishes, I want all of my subjects to have a fair trial. You will give Blitz and Loona the chance to have a fair trial, or you answer to me. Are we clear, Satan?”

 

Bee’s phone then rang, showing Loona’s number. She clicked the answer button, her body trembling at the bad timing.

 

“Hello, am I addressing the Queen of Gluttony, Beelzebub?” a polite Jamaican voice said.

 

Queen Bee grew back to her normal size. “Are you the lawyer?” she asked.

 

“Yes. Jarel Honeyghan, at your service.”

 

“Sounds like a fuckin’ full-blood,” Mammon snickered, before Belphegor unknowingly kicked him in the family jewels, muttering in her sleep, as the Sin of Greed whimpered in pain and fell to the floor.

 

“Oh, not another fucking Sinner,” Leviathan grumbled. “This is a waste of ti-” Asmodeus blew a flame on the Sin of Envy’s scaly ass, causing her to scream.

 

“So, have you-”

 

“We’re willing to comply with plaintiff lawyers, but there’s…a small problem that I feel is best for you to help with.”

 

Bee was sweating bullets at this point. “What…kind of problem?”

 

“Loona’s not willing to go into her past, and I know that we have to be open to it. It’s…bad.”

 

“How bad?”

 

“She’s locked herself in my bathroom, crying like a baby, and won’t come out. She left her phone behind. We have you in her contacts, and I hoped…you might help."

 

“Oh. That bad.”

 

“I understand if you’re busy, but I am assuming you’re in the judgment chambers, ready for court on the plaintiff's and judge’s side?”

 

“Not entirely.” Satan’s growl was for the purpose of intimidation and almost always successful in that purpose. “I will go to Mr. and Mrs. Knolastname’s parents. You will give them the first chance in Family Court, or you will face worse than you can imagine.”

 

“I’m afraid I cannot do that, Your Highness.” Jarel’s voice didn’t once change from that polite inflection, but there was a noticeable steely calm in his tone. “I apologize, but you and I both know that I have to represent my clients to the best of my abilities; even in Hell, those laws exist, as I learned from your bar exam.”

 

“Hmm…” Satan looked surprisingly pensive. “An actual lawyer who gives a shit about his job…Honeyghan, I’ll give you two hours, and then I will allow the courts to take their place.”

 

“Thank you, Your Highness. Beelzebub, if you are allowed to come down-”

 

“The meeting is not finished yet!” Satan snapped.

 

“I’ll allow it,” Lucifer said, his voice giving finality. “Bee, you’re excused for being truthful. Everyone else, I want fucking answers.”

 

“Huh, what?” Belphegor snorted, waking up from her sleep. “Is it voting time, because I vote-”

 

Bee heard no more as she teleported down to the address given on the phone, seeing the modest building. She entered to see Prince Stolas and the bald imp, Blitz, trying to comfort the regressed imp couple (who looked pretty cute as kids), both of whom were crying.

 

“Why is Auntie Loona angry?” the male imp whimpered.

 

“She’s not. Loony’s just…just…” The male imp was trying to find the words, but even he was failing.

 

Jarel noticed her first. “Welcome, Queen Beelzebub,” he said, nodding his head. “Bathroom’s over here.” He gestured to the door.

 

Bee fluttered over and knocked on the door. A growl answered her.

 

“Go away, Blitz!” Loona shouted.

 

“It’s Bee, Sour Cream,” the Queen of Gluttony said calmly. “Is there room for two?”

 

“What do you want?” The voice was hoarse, obviously from screaming and crying.

 

“I just want to come in. Is that okay?”

 

A pause. “Fine, but I’m not unlocking the door.”

 

“You don’t have to.”

 

Bee shrank herself back down to bumblebee size, easily flying through the bottom of the locked door, before growing back to her original size to see Loona, the tears from the hellhound long since staining her makeup and causing it to run, and there were a lot more in her eyes. There was vomit in the toilet that the hellhound obviously had no will left to flush. There was a crushing sadness, self-loathing, and rage that she could feel with her antennae.

 

Loona might’ve thought she looked terrible, but Bee knew that she was just vulnerable at the moment, and that was okay.

 

Anything’s okay when it comes to you, Sour Cream. You and Tex.

 

“What do you want, Bee? For me to crawl out, go all Zen and shit, and spill what happened to me? Because that’s not happening.”

 

Bee paused and sighed. “I want to help. Nothing more, nothing less.”

 

“You can’t help me with my past,” Lonna growled. “That’s the whole point of the word: it’s in the past.”

 

“And yet you carry it every day,” Bee mused. “I can feel it in my antennae. You think you have to be this big bad bitch-”

 

“I am-”

 

“But you’re not willing to let your soft side out for anyone, and that’s the part of you that others love.”

 

A snarl. “So, they love me getting pushed to the ground and kicked? No thanks. I’m not some helpless puppy like Blitz seems to think.”

 

“Let me be honest, Loona: whatever happened, you were quite young when it happened. You have not emotionally grown from that helpless puppy, so you hide it underneath teenaged angst and snark. And you are twenty-two, and emotionally, you’ve been stunted by whatever assholes hurt you.”

 

“I don’t think I need to justify myself to you,” Loona growled. “I don’t need you, I don’t need Blitz, I don’t need anyone but me, myself, and I!”

 

“But Moxxie and Millie need you. Let me help you. Not just for them, but for you as well.”

 

The hellhound bit her lip, trying to keep the tears from falling.

 

“I will not judge you, Loona.”

 

Those six words made the dam break, as Loona fell into Bee’s arms and bawled out her life story…and it was horrific, to say the least. Bee wished she could find Loona’s parents, and if they weren’t already dead at this point, their asses would be chew toys by now. And if Valentino and his underlings needed another reason to get on her shitlist, well, they fucking found it.

 

The orphanage, Bee knew, she could do nothing about other than sign adoption papers to willing people; it was in the Pride Ring, not Gluttony, where she made damned sure that they were staffed by good people, but everything in Loona’s past would’ve been preventable if she had parents that gave even a little bit of a damn about her.

 

Bee realized that Loona wasn’t in her usual grasp, and she looked down, realizing with dread that her powers, her size powers, had made Loona small without her control.

 

And when she lost control with other hellhounds, she knew that…

 

This is…more. More than just…does Loona…?

 

Loona looked up and yelped in shock.

 

“I’m sorry, sorry, I’ll change your size, I lost control, and-”

 

The Queen of Gluttony continued to ramble and apologize on and on, quickly regrowing the hellhound to her original size…until Loona put a hand to her mouth and smiled. A genuine smile, even with something conflicted in her eyes.

 

“Thank you, Bee. I’ll go out of the bathroom. I just hope they didn’t overhear…”

 

Short story: everyone heard…but everyone (other than Moxxie and Millie) understood. And for once in that tough, badass hellhound’s life, Bee mused, she had an actual family that would never judge her for her past.

 

Of course, Satan had to ruin every happy moment when he called Jarel’s phone.