Chapter Text
Cloud knows it’s a privilege to enter Sephiroth’s bedroom. Here, in this room filled with a familiar vanilla scent, lies Sephiroth’s personal warmth and a black bed. He could say this is where intimacy lies, but there isn’t. There is only awkward silence and staring until the lights go out.
They can stare at their PHS, look at the ceiling, then look to the side, to slightly avoid the fact that they’re a couple now. Actually, Cloud thinks using the word avoid is wrong. In truth, Sephiroth and he still don’t know what to do with each other yet.
Cloud remembers the day he confessed his love to the general. On that day, it was in Sephiroth’s office. Sephiroth does not engage in paperwork when he has guests over; he stares and waits until he needs to speak. So, Cloud had bluntly told him that he loved him. Not liked. Love. There’s a difference because Cloud Strife loved Sephiroth. He knows what it means to love.
Sephiroth had responded oddly. He blinked, and then his expression turned strange. There was a slight lip bite, not obvious, and his eyes went half-lidded. He was thinking... that's Cloud likes to label the expression. He recalls being very sweaty as green eyes were then squinting gently on him. It was not rejection.
“I must say, I was not expecting this from you.”
There was a quick shame that hit Cloud, but he didn’t look away from Sephiroth. Cloud could take the pain.
“I mean it,” Cloud told him. Pathetically. “Does… does my age bother you?”
He is only sixteen. Sephiroth was—
It could work.
Sephiroth tilted his head. He glanced away from Cloud so the blond couldn’t see what expression he was making.
“You are bold to ask. Perhaps. You are very young. P eople will talk-- “
I can prove myself to you. Cloud recalls thinking vividly. The desperation he felt. "I don't care," he said to Sephiroth.
“—I feel inclined to inform you that I would be unsure what I’m doing with you. As a lover. I have no experience in love. You may not like the outcome of my actions. Is this what you really want?”
“Yes.” Cloud blurted to him because this wasn't a rejection. It was acceptance. He recalls nodding, his face was flushed red. He was burning.
“I don’t mind. I can take it. I can learn. We both can learn together.” Cloud had blurted out; his hands had turned into fists by his hips. I can learn—who says that?
There was a strange look on Sephiroth’s face, but he was still looking at Cloud.
“Be careful of what you ask for, Cloud.”
“But I mean it.”
It can work. So, what if Cloud is young? This can work. They can work.
“Give me time,” Sephiroth told him, then dismissed him.
And Cloud doesn’t want to think about what happened after confession day. It went okay. Sephiroth didn’t say no to him since they’re dating now, so he will not reflect on the past.
This brings them to here, where the lights are off, and where they share warmth under a sheet. They cuddle sometimes, but it's still a work in progress because Sephiroth is still learning to control his strength. Tonight though, there is no cuddling, just the sound of their breathing before Cloud turns to the side.
He isn’t angry, b ut the warmth trapped under the blankets isn't enough right now. He feels cold. Sephiroth didn’t look at him today, and these days it feels like a glance from him isn’t enough. Cloud needs more of Sephiroth’s attention to feel sane. He misses his mother too. And Sephiroth is right there, next to him, and all Cloud needs to do is ask to be held tonight—but not to initiate sex.
They don’t have sex yet, they’re not ready for that. They’re both virgins, but Cloud is young. He is horny, but that feeling of arousal dies because Sephiroth goes a little bit quieter when the topic of sex is brought up.
“I do not wish to breed you yet ,” Sephiroth told him. And Cloud just nodded his flushed face and said okay. You say b reed, but I’m a boy.
The silence continues in the room. Sephiroth doesn’t truly sleep. He’s either napping or sometimes he’s meditating, in a trance of half-awake or he’s somewhere else. But maybe he's just closing his eyes. Anyway, Cloud cannot sleep , not when he feels lonely. Cold.
“Sephiroth,” Cloud says to the darkness.
“Cloud,” Sephiroth acknowledges, but his voice is somewhat heavier, laced with a sluggish tone. Perhaps drowsiness. “Is something wrong?”
“Can you hold me tonight?”
Silence. Then there is shuffling, a heavier weight that causes the mattress to dip and nearly make Cloud fall on his back before—
Two muscular arms wrap around him, they slightly hurt because they are rock hard but it’s better than nothing. There’s hair all over his face, but Cloud doesn’t mind, because the floral scent and then the vanilla that comes after will ground him for tonight. Sephiroth’s scent will help him sleep.
A chin rests against the side of his forehead. Heavy, but comforting. It’s human warmth on him.
“Is this better than before?” Sephiroth asks, his voice now just a whisper because he knows that Cloud is tired.
“Mhm.”
Silence.
Cloud’s hand moves to cover one of the hands wrapped around his waist.
“Sorry,” Cloud says. “I keep asking stuff from you, but you never ask anything from me in return.”
“This is enough,” Sephiroth says to his ear.
“I don’t believe you.”
Sephiroth’s hands slightly react to Cloud’s hand. They move a little. Hesitant.
“What do you want, Sephiroth?”
Silence.
“Forget it,” Cloud decides to say. He feels tired now and has already received what he wants, so he should just shut up. It’s okay. We can talk later. Let’s just sleep.”
“Okay,” Sephiroth tells him. But Cloud knows he has to demand Sephiroth to give him an answer sooner or later.