Chapter 1: Busan During Seollal (Lunar New Year)
Summary:
Jimin goes home to Busan for Seollal. Since it was a last minute decision to go, his family has no room at their place and all hotels are booked solid.
Jeongguk offers to share his Airbnb and to drive.
Jimin never expected that he would be needed to rescue the younger man from a predicament which brings long hidden feelings to light.
Chapter Text
Moodboard by MJ (@[email protected])
Prologue
In an interview, Jeon Jeongguk revealed the following about Park Jimin prior to debut, "According to my standards, Jimin-hyung is the most hard-working and strict on himself." During that same interview, they further revealed that Jimin would almost never sleep, always waking up the earliest and going to bed the latest. He slept 2 to 2.5 hours a night.
♫
Kim Namjoon told us that, "Jimin is such a selfless guy by nature. He's always putting the other members of the team before himself. When on stage, he has the ability to captivate people. He's the axis that the stage revolves around. He's a great idol that can do it all."
Jimin, the Voyeur (Jimin’s POV)
Jimin had managed to make it all the way across Busan into his friends’ neighborhood, before he realized his phone was not with him. His cursing would have raised more than a few eyebrows if anyone had been around to hear as he pulled the car apart looking underneath and between the seats. Finally, with no way to contact his friends or find their new home, he had no recourse except to drive back to the Airbnb he was sharing with Jeongguk for duration of their visit for Seollal (Lunar New Year). As he racked his brain, he recalled messaging his friend just before leaving, but for the life of him, he wasn’t sure where he could have set the phone down once he let them know he was on his way.
Jimin had already felt bad leaving Jeongguk so promptly after their arrival in town. The drive had been long. Jeongguk had insisted on driving the whole way. He had looked tired as he said he was going to nap and told Jimin to have fun with his friends. Now he was worried he might have to wake him.
Jimin opened the front door quietly and began to look around. After having had no success in the common areas, he realized he might have to wake Jeongguk after all. He tiptoed down the hall and turned the corner where he found the door ajar with light streaming out. There was movement inside. Well, he thought, at least he wouldn’t have to worry about waking him after all. As he was about to call out, he heard words that froze him in place.
“Fuck! It’s so big!” Jeongguk panted.
“I’ve seen you take bigger, Gguk,” a familiar masculine voice said, one he couldn’t place.
What the hell? Jimin crept closer, confusion gnawing at him.
Another grunt, then a long moan from Jeongguk. “Not like this. It’s the knot. It’s huge. I definitely haven’t had anything this wide before,” he panted out.
Knot? What the fuck? Knot, like in the Omegaverse stories Taehyung liked to read? Jimin finally crept close enough to see, because there was no way he wasn’t going to look after hearing that. It wasn’t his fault Jeongguk left the door open.
The scene unfolded before him. Jeongguk was having a video call with someone. The phone wasn’t situated where he could see who was on the line, but it was clear the person had a full view of Jeongguk, who was on the floor, completely naked and crouching. Sweat was trickling down his neck and back, his muscles glistening. He was turned in a way that didn’t allow Jimin to see exactly what was happening, but it didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure it out. Jeongguk was fucking himself on a dildo while his boyfriend watched.
Jimin needed to leave, but he couldn’t make himself move. Seeing Jeongguk in all his sweaty, muscled glory had him rooted to the spot. He licked his lips as Jeongguk raised himself up and off the dildo. It was then he could see it. How? Like literally how was he taking that? The cock portion was huge, but the knot was truly massive, and he was trying to get that inside of him? It was insane. He had to physically hold himself from rushing into the room to stop him. That couldn’t be safe, surely.
“I think I just need more lube and to keep working at it. If I can’t get it shortly, I will grab the really long one. I know you like seeing me ride it.” Jeongguk’s voice was more normal now, as he reached for the lube at his side and began rubbing more on the massive toy.
Jimin’s brain stuttered. Long one? How much longer could the other one be?
“Yeah. Either one is fucking hot. Fuck, I am so close,” the voice on the other end moaned out.
“Don’t you dare! No coming before me.” Jeongguk’s tone was whiny. Jimin blinked. He’d not heard that tone from him in years, not since before he hit the growth spurt that made Jeongguk taller than him.
“Then get to riding, Gguk. Lean back and spread those thighs so I can watch it slide in and out.” The other guy really knew what he wanted to see.
Jimin should go, but he still hadn’t found his phone. There was nowhere to go until he had that address, not to mention, he couldn’t tear his eyes away from Jeongguk who had just repositioned himself. With the new angle, Jimin could see everything . He zeroed in on the bulbous tip of the toy pressed against his rim. Jimin licked his lips in anticipation as he could see it start to give. As the head popped in, Jimin stifled a moan as the shaft slowly disappeared into Jeongguk, whose groans increased in volume. Jimin clutched his hands into fists at his sides to keep from touching himself, which would definitely result in sounds that would reveal him.
“Oh fuck! This angle!” Jeongguk gritted out the words as he started fucking himself fast, thighs pumping. He threw his head back and ran one hand along the inside of his bulging thigh.
Jimin began to drool at the sight of his arched neck. What he wouldn’t give to mouth along it, savoring the salt from his golden skin.
“Don’t you dare touch yourself,” the voice on the other end commanded. Jeongguk whined long and loud. Jimin had never heard anything like that from him in all the years they had known each other.
Did he expect Jeongguk to come untouched? If anyone could, of course it would be the Golden Maknae of BTS. Jimin was losing his mind. The front of his own joggers was tenting obscenely. He tried adjusting himself and nearly ended up whining himself. He cupped a hand over his own mouth. Fuck, he couldn’t get caught watching. He knew he needed to leave, but he couldn’t make himself go. The damage was already done. He’d seen things. There would be no opportunity to see Jeongguk like this again, since he was obviously taken by someone who knew exactly what he liked. So there Jimin stayed, committing it all to memory, every moan, every drop of sweat, and all that expanse of skin.
With one last slide down, the knot slipped in. Jeongguk’s whole body jerked as glistening, pearlescent fluid coated his chiseled chest and abs. The sound Jeongguk made would be engraved in his memory for the rest of his life. He realized he needed to move now lest he be found out.
He snuck quietly down the hall and into one of the bathrooms, where he quickly rubbed one out, lightning fast. It took less than a handful of strokes, and he was done, coming all over his hand.
With post-nut clarity, reality came crashing down. Jeongguk wasn’t straight, not entirely, and he had a boyfriend. Both facts were a real problem.
Jimin had had feelings for Jeongguk since they’d first met. He had adored the kid immediately. Later, they’d become best friends. Jimin wasn’t sure exactly when he’d fallen completely head over heels in love. Even though his feelings were strong, he’d never seriously considered pursuing him.
For one, he’d thought he was straight. Once Jeongguk had become sexually active, he’d shared way too many details about his one-night stands. Not once had he mentioned being with a man. When did he get a boyfriend? It must have been recent, but then how did this guy know him well enough to guide him through all that?
Also, Jeongguk was a bottom? He never would have guessed. What about the size of that dildo? You don’t just randomly become able to take something that big. That takes practice and time. They must’ve been together for a while.
It hurt to think Jeongguk hadn’t felt comfortable enough to share his sexuality or tell him about his boyfriend. It wasn’t like Jeongguk to not share such things with him. Jimin knew Jeongguk had been begging him to come over and hang out for the last few months, but Jimin had kept himself too busy, working on his 1st solo album. Maybe he’d been wanting to tell him all that time. Jimin felt like a vice was constricting his chest. This was his fault. Jeongguk had been slipping away, and he’d not even noticed. Worse, Jimin’d been avoiding him due to being embarrassed over something stupid that he’d done. Something that even now was burning a hole in his luggage.
He frowned at himself in the mirror while he wiped his hand clean on a washcloth. He couldn’t chance running the faucet. When he finally focused on his surroundings, he found his phone on the bathroom sink. He shakily grabbed it and was about to sneak out when he realized he would have to drive across town with dried cum on his hand… in Jeongguk’s car, touching his steering wheel. He groaned. What to do?
After a moment’s thought, it dawned on him that he could fake his arrival now since the deed he witnessed was done. He crept to the front door and opened it, then closed it with a loud slam. He yelled at Jeongguk that he forgot his phone. Unsurprisingly, the bedroom door closed quickly. He then loudly looked around, using the time to utilize the bathroom and wash his hands. He wasn’t sure if it was his imagination, but he could swear it still smelled like cum. He flipped on the fan to hide the evidence. He stepped into the hall and yelled, “Found it! See you later, Gguk!”
Right before leaving, he heard a muffled, “See ya!”
The Visit (Jimin’s POV)
By the time he arrived at his friends’ place, he’d done some very distracted driving. Thankfully, he made it safely, because he was going to need many years to process what he’d just experienced.
The thoughts kept hitting him, like they were trying to drill deeply into his brain. Jeongguk wasn't straight, and he had a boyfriend.
Seared into his brain for all eternity was the fact that Jeongguk liked taking it up the ass... with very large insertables. Holy fucking hell. All those years together and he could have made a move, flirted with him for real instead of in jest.
Wait. What was he thinking? He couldn't have done that even if Jeongguk was out to the rest of the group and they’d gotten together. What would happen if they broke up or fought? That most certainly could have destroyed Bangtan. He'd learned all about the dangers of being a gay in the Korean Idol industry years ago thanks to his ex, Daeyong. Not that Jeongguk would ever do what that asshole did, but there were plenty of other ways it could have gone wrong. Anyway, it didn't matter. Jeongguk had a boyfriend.
As Jeongguk's hyung, Jimin needed to find some way to let this go and to teach him about the dangers of being with a guy without somehow letting on that he'd stood there watching him have phone sex? Video sex? What do you call that anyway?
The memory of sweat glistened skin started the thought spiral all over again. He sat in the car for another 5 minutes trying to will away his erection before he could step out and retrieve the baby gifts he'd bought for his friends' newborns. He honestly wasn’t sure how he was going to handle having this knowledge without giving anything away, but that would be future-Jimin’s problem.
For now, he had friends to visit and babies to spoil. Thankfully, that should be a good distraction.
Jimin had called his friend before hitting the road to apologize for the delay and to confirm they still wanted him to come over for dinner. Luckily for Jimin, their newborn twins had needed their attention and that had delayed dinner. The new parents were overwhelmed, but happy. Sanghoon and his wife, Songha, had just welcomed twin boys two weeks prior. When Jimin had offered to skip their yearly get together, they’d quickly let him know he’d do no such thing. Jimin was thrilled and looked forward to meeting the two new additions.
Jimin was greeted at the door by Sanghoon, who was holding a sleeping infant. No sooner had Jimin removed his shoes and hung up his coat, the other baby started squalling. Sanghoon told him to quickly take the sleeping child and pressed him into Jimin’s arms, before Jimin could object. He took the small bundle, holding it fearfully. He’d never held a baby quite this small. He was absolutely terrified he would drop him. Sanghoon had disappeared deeper into the apartment just before Jimin heard the other baby’s cries quiet. Then Sanghoon reappeared holding the other infant, who was now fussing quietly.
“Sorry, I couldn’t let him wake his brother. It would be a nightmare. They are pretty good about sleeping through quiet conversation, but anything louder will wake them,” he uttered quietly.
“It’s alright.” Jimin assured him. He stared at the sleeping tiny thing in his arms and then took in the other. “They’re so small.”
“They were a couple weeks early but are perfectly healthy. They didn’t need to spend extra time in the hospital like most multiple births do. We were blessed.”
At that time, Songha appeared with a tired smile. “Hi Jimin.” To her husband, she said, “Hey babe. I’ll go nurse him now. Don’t you dare let the soup burn. Stir it for me, yeah?” At her husband’s nod, she took the fussing infant from his arms, gave Jimin another smile, and disappeared down the hall.
Jimin was amazed. She looked phenomenal for having just had twins. He told Sanghoon so.
Sanghoon took the sleeping infant from Jimin’s arms, and he nodded head for Jimin to follow. As they walked, Sanghoon asked Jimin not to mention that to Songha. They sat on the couch as he continued, “She didn’t carry them.” At Jimin’s confused look, he explained, “She miscarried a few times, which led to testing to find out what was happening. They discovered her eggs are fine, but her body just can’t carry a pregnancy to term. We ended up going the surrogacy route.”
“What’s that?” Jimin asked. He was utterly fascinated but also concerned about his oldest friends.
“That’s okay. The short version is that they took her eggs and my sperm and made embryos. The children are ours, but we had to have another woman carry them for us. It worked beautifully and now we have two healthy babies, but Songha feels like a failure, so please don’t mention it, okay?”
Jimin nodded. “Of course. That must be so hard for her… and you. I’m sorry you had to go through that. I had no idea people could carry babies for other people.” Jimin inquired gently.
“Yeah. We’ll forever be grateful for her help.”
“I’m so happy it all worked. They’re beautiful.” Jimin stared at the sleeping infant with an expression of wonder. He knew the awe he felt was reflected in his voice.
“Thank you,” Sanghoon beamed.
“Wait. I have a question. She said she was nursing the other one. How’s that possible? I thought you had to, you know, give birth for that to work.” Jimin was insanely curious about the whole process but was trying to temper it. He loved children’s creativity and hearts. He’d heard about women’s biological clocks for most of his life, but lately he was beginning to wonder if it happened to men too, because it was hitting him harder as of late. He’d been mourning the fact that he’d never get the chance to have his own children.
“Hormones,” Sanghoon interrupted Jimin’s thoughts. “She took hormones to get the milk started, then after that her body took over. Nursing puts so much pressure on Songha. She’s stuck with a baby attached pretty much around the clock right now, but she’s also happy that part works perfectly. She’ll have more time later, when they move to solid foods. I try to help by helping with other things like laundry and cooking dinner. Although, she insisted on cooking for you tonight.”
Jimin felt guilty. They could have ordered in, and he’d have been fine with it. He appreciated his friends. They’d been with him since before he became famous. He looked at the tiny sleeping infant. “Could I hold him again?”
Sanghoon nodded with a proud smile and nestled the baby back into Jimin’s arms.
Jimin caressed the tiny face with the tips of two fingers. He was precious. “What’s his name?” He wondered. He leaned forward and kissed the top of his head. He smelled of baby lotion.
“Siyang. His brother is Sungil.”
“Lovely names, but how do you tell them apart?”
“They’re not identical. One has a birthmark on his rump. The other has a birthmark on his arm. Although, currently, we color-code their clothes and blankets.”
“Smart. I wish I could have children, but that’s just not in the cards.” His heart ached. The sigh he let out was weighted.
“Hey. Someday you’ll find someone. You’re just busy being super famous right now. Eventually, you’ll retire and find someone… or maybe even before then. Who knows, you might find someone who will want to go with you on tour. I’m sure you’ll find someone who loves your crazy life like you do. Just be patient. He'll come along.” Sanghoon was so earnest. “Although, maybe kids on tour aren't the best idea, but then again you can afford family suites at all your tour stops. Your kids would be world travelers.” His face shined with his earnest desire for his friend’s happiness.
Sanghoon’s words echoed so closely to what Hyowon, his longtime producer and friend, had said to him before he'd left for Busan. 'There is more to life than working and winning awards. You’re going to burn yourself out only to discover all those awards mean nothing if you don’t open your heart up again and allow someone in, someone who’ll bring you a world of happiness.' Jimin knew better though. The best he could hope for was a secret relationship with someone he could trust, but after what his ex put him through, there was no way he could trust like that again. Suddenly, his the rest of his words sank in. Wait a second.
"He?" Jimin blurted, panicked.
"What? Did you think I didn't know?" Sanghoon chuckled.
Jimin was stunned. "But, how?"
"Since me and Sangha were sneaking beneath the bleachers to make out and found you and some guy, I can't remember his name, but you were both a bit occupied. So, I assumed it would still be a 'he' unless you were just experimenting back then."
One time. Literally the one time he made out with someone and these two saw him. If it had been anyone else, that could have been very bad. Well, if they were going to sell him out, it would have happened a long time ago. He blew out a breath. He might as well be honest with them. He ruffled his own hair with his free hand and looked away. Telling anyone made him very nervous. PTSD and all that. Thank you Daeyong.
Jimin's voice cracked, "I was figuring myself out back then. That was the one and only time I made out with someone under the bleachers. I can't believe you saw us. But yeah,” He took a breath, bracing himself, “I'm gay. I'd have you all sign a NDA, but I think we are about 13 years too late for that, huh?" He chuckled nervously looking down the hall where Sangha had taken the baby to nurse.
"Jimin, look at me."
Jimin took a moment before orienting on Sanghoon.
"We never told anyone. We would never do that to you. You are our friend. We just hate that someone’s sexuality has to be such a big deal. We just want you to be happy. You deserve it." Sanghoon stated firmly.
Tears gathered in Jimin's eyes. "Thank you. Thank you so very much."
They sat in silence for a bit watching the sleeping infant in his arms. A thought occurred to him. They deserved to know about that piece of shit in case they were to see him. The last he had heard, Daeyong moved back to Busan after he was let out of prison.
"Look, that guy was Kang Daeyong from our year. After I became a trainee, he followed me to Seoul and tracked me down. I didn't know it at the time. I thought he had moved there on his own and we had coincidentally run into each other. I should have known better.” He shook that thought away and continued, “Anyway, we started dating, but when I realized I wasn't feeling anything for him, not to mention I was too insanely busy to be trying to have a relationship, I broke it off with him. He threatened to expose me if I didn't take him back. It was then he’d let me know he had tracked me down. When I refused, he got violent and went to my manager, but I had talked to them first. My group and our company supported me. They insisted we not reveal I’m gay protect everyone. I mean, that’s a no-brainer. Our country isn’t exactly accepting. He was arrested for stalking but only served a couple of years. I’m not sure where he is now, but I just wanted to warn you, just in case you ever have to deal with the slimy piece of crap."
Sanghoon’s eyes had been wide throughout the whole story. "Oh my god, Jimin. I can't believe you had to deal with that. I'm so sorry."
"Yeah. Well. I haven't dated anyone since, and I don't plan to. I can't take the risk. He could have destroyed Bangtan before we even had a chance." He trailed off, lost in the past.
Into the silence, Sanghoon murmured. "Jimin, you shouldn't do that to yourself. There will be someone, someday. Not everyone is awful like that."
Jimin sighed. "Yeah, I know, but tell me. How am I supposed to know before it's too late, hm?"
Sanghoon had no answer, because there was no answer.
"It's okay. I love my members, and I have wonderful friends. I'll be okay. I'm so thankful I have friends like you."
The Rescue (Jimin’s POV)
Jimin arrived back to their shared place late by most people’s standards, but still early by Jimin and Jeongguk’s standards. The single bedroom door was still closed. There was no sign of Jeongguk in the rest of the house. Normally, he would just enter the room and get ready for bed like they’d done a million times before. Sharing a room or even a bed wasn’t a big deal. Or at least it hadn’t been.
He stood staring at the door, trying to figure out what to do for far too long. He felt like he should knock, but Jeongguk would find it odd, not to mention, what if he was asleep? Finally, he decided to pretend everything was normal and act like he never saw a thing. He quietly opened the door. Jeongguk was not on the bed. Had he left? Jimin was mostly certain that he hadn’t, mainly because he’d had his car. He listened, but the shower wasn’t running. As he began to turn around to do a more thorough search of the house, he spotted the mess from earlier still on the floor. It was unlike him to not clean his messes. A mess with lube and sex toys? There was no way he’d leave that. A strong foreboding settled in. Something definitely wasn’t right.
It was then he heard a whimper and a soft cry of ‘hyung’. What the fuck?
“Hyung.” Clearer this time, distressed, coming from the adjoining bathroom.
“Jeongguk-ah?” he breathed out as he rushed to the bathroom door.
“Hyung,” the word was croaked out from a throat that was clearly raw from crying. Over the years, he’d heard Jeongguk cry plenty of times, so he recognized it at once.
“I’m coming in Gguk-ah,” he announced and pushed open the door. Jeongguk was in the tub lying on his lower back, submerged mostly in water. He had draped a washcloth over his genitals. Jimin could see the water soaking into its fabric. Clearly, Jeongguk had just placed the cloth there.
“Help me, please. I don’t know what to do. I can’t…” he trailed off, clearly not wanting to finish. He looked like he had been crying for a while. Jimin’s heart clenched. He had a really good idea what was wrong, but he couldn’t tell him that. He couldn’t admit he’d watched. Hell, he got off on it even. Oh no! Had he been here crying while Jimin was hanging out for hours with his friends? Fuck! Jimin dropped to his knees.
“What is it baby? What do you need? What’s wrong?” The term of endearment just slipped out, like it did on rare occasions. Luckily, in the past everyone took it as a joke or as fondness for his younger member, but this was far from a joking scenario. He reached out and pushed Jeongguk’s bangs back from his forehead. Jeongguk’s long hair was always getting in the way nowadays, but it suited him well.
Jeongguk was apparently too distressed to notice what Jimin had called him. He didn’t comment on it, but he did flush a deeper shade of red and said, “I can’t say it…” He stopped, turning his face away, clearly unable to continue.
“Gguk-ah, hyung can’t help if you don’t tell him what’s wrong,” he coaxed him to continue. By his estimate, it’d been more than 3 hours since he’d watched his little peep show. Maybe closer to 4. Nearly 4 hours with that thing stuck. He had to be extremely miserable and scared. Jimin’s heart ached for him. He loved him dearly, so seeing him this distressed pulled at his heart painfully.
“Um… I have a thing stuck…” He paused, looking anywhere but at Jimin. This had to be the most embarrassing thing to have happened to him. With all the crazy things they’d done over the years for the fans, the members really didn’t get embarrassed about much anymore. Except this situation was on a whole new level.
Jimin hated to keep asking even though he was certain what was wrong, but he needed him to say it before he could try to help him. Jeongguk was shivering. He dipped his fingers in the very tepid water. No wonder. He toggled the lever to drain the water while he waited for the younger man to get the words out. Jimin hoped by directing his attention elsewhere, Jeongguk would be able to get the words out. But once it was clear that he wasn’t going to be able to say it, he decided to help him out. “Okay, let me play detective. As I walked in here, I saw a towel on the floor with lube and a rather long dildo laying on the floor…”
“Oh god!” Jeongguk interrupted and covered his eyes with both hands and tried to sink lower in the quickly draining water.
“… and you just said you have something stuck…” Jimin continued, then paused waiting for Jeongguk to finish. He sat quietly, waiting. He felt like he was torturing him by making him explain something he’d already guessed.
With his eyes still covered, he whispered, as if that would make it easier, “I have a bigger one stuck… inside.” Jeongguk paused, grabbed Jimin’s hand, and gave him a beseeching look. “I’ve tried everything to get it out, but it broke.” He lay back in the tub and covered his eyes again, sobbing.
Fuck. “Broke… Broke how?” Jimin asked, his mind racing with potentialities. He looked around and saw the suction cup base of the dildo laying near the toilet. “Oh shit!” Jimin immediately went into troubleshooting mode. How could they get it out if there was nothing to hold on to?
“Yeah, oh shit,” Jeongguk chuckled darkly. He’d uncovered his eyes and was looking at where Jimin had spied the broken piece. “Hyung, if I can’t get this out, I need to go to the hospital.” He paused, looking stricken. “Can you imagine the headlines? ‘Bangtan Maknae sex scandal!’ Oh god, hyung! Please help,” he cried. “I don’t know what to do. I’ve tried pushing it out. It’s too big! I think there’s also swelling. I thought a cold bath would help with swelling, but I still can’t get my fingers around it. It just won’t come out. Oh god!” He covered his eyes and sobbed quietly again.
Jimin took a moment to compose himself and then spoke. He was certain this was only going to make the younger even more mortified, but he needed to assess the situation. “Okay. This is going to be weird, but I need to take a look. I need to see what we’re working with.”
“Oh god,” Jeongguk cried again, seeming to shrink in on himself, which was a feat for someone of his stature. Jimin opened his mouth to try to coax his cooperation. But before the words could leave his lips, Jeongguk spread his legs and draped one leg over the edge of the tub. He didn’t uncover his face, but under the washcloth his dick started to chub up.
Jimin couldn’t help but notice. How on earth was the younger getting hard after his earlier orgasm and with that thing stuck? Shaking that from his mind, Jimin focused. He could see where the base had broken off and the ring of muscle was struggling to close completely. Damn the thing was huge… and there was nothing to grab onto to pull it out. “Um, I am going to touch to get an idea of what we are working with, okay?”
Jeongguk nodded his head minutely, but otherwise he didn’t respond.
Even though this was the most absurd scenario Jimin could imagine being a part of, he really felt bad for the younger man. He was clearly scared and uncomfortable. Jimin was the only one available to help. They couldn’t let anyone else know about this. It was either Jimin helped him, or they took him to the hospital. They both knew this was something that would get out if they went. No one would be able to keep this under wraps even though patient confidentiality was supposed to protect them. They knew patient privacy wasn’t a guarantee, especially after what happened to their member, Jin, when that nurse had given him an unneeded injection, just to have an excuse to meet him. Their fame was such that people would willingly throw away their careers just to get close to one of them. That was rather innocuous compared to this juicy situation. It would destroy their careers. He should be absolutely irate with Jeongguk’s irresponsibility. They all had a duty to not step out of line. One member’s actions reflected on all 7 of them.
And yet, he could never be mad for long with the man cowering and shivering in front of him. Seeing him in such a vulnerable state completely nullified any anger he might have felt.
Jimin touched the base of the dildo, trying to not touch the puffy ring of muscle just yet. The toy was spongy, not hard plastic. He pushed a little harder to see if there was any give, which resulted in a moan and an embarrassed whimper from Jeongguk who promptly covered his mouth as well as keeping his eyes covered. Jimin couldn’t help but giggle faintly and then apologize.
“Sorry. Sorry. It’s not funny. I expect there to be quite a few more moans and other sounds before we’re done. It’s okay. I promise.” He tried to sound reassuring. “I think we need to get you out of this tub and onto the bed. Can you walk? I can help if you need.”
Jeongguk finally uncovered his eyes but wouldn’t make eye contact. He started to move. “I can do it. It’s just… really uncomfortable, that’s all.” He struggled to sit up.
Jimin helped him to a standing position, grabbed a towel for him. The water had drained by the time he stepped out. Jeongguk started drying off. Jimin grabbed a second towel and helped him wrap his hair to catch the worst of it.
“Okay, lay on the bed. Get warm. You’re shivering. You feel frozen. I’m going to go look for tools or something we can use. You said your fingers are too big. I see that. It’s a very tight fit. The kitchen might have some things. I’ll be back shortly. Get comfortable. Oh, and stop trying to push it out. I bet you have been doing that for a while. That just makes it swell more.”
Before Jimin could turn away, Jeongguk grabbed him in a tight hug, burying his face in his neck. He heard the younger take a deep sniff, whether it was from crying or from his habit of smelling the scent left behind by Jimin’s shampoo, he wasn’t sure. “Thank you, hyung. Thank you so much. Thank you.”
Jimin wrapped his arms around him holding him firmly. “I will always be here for you, baby. Always.” They stood unmoving for a while. He could imagine Jeongguk needed comfort badly. As they separated, Jimin’s hand automatically found Jeongguk’s cheek, and their eyes met. “I’ll be right back. Get as comfortable as you can and focus on relaxing your body completely, okay?” Jimin murmured.
Jimin noticed Jeongguk’s gaze slip to his lips for a second, before he pulled away, nodded his assent, and started moving toward the bed. What was that? Did he just look at my lips, like for a kiss? He shook his head to clear his thoughts. No. Not possible. He has a boyfriend. Stop deluding yourself, dumbass. Now is not the time.
He turned and headed down the hall. Jimin checked the kitchen for anything that could be used to help. He got tongs with rubber tips and a corkscrew. Nothing else seemed remotely useful.
He entered the bedroom to find Jeongguk on the bed with the covers up to his navel. He paused to take in his chest. It was so easy to get lost looking at him. Jimin could see why Calvin Klein had contacted him for an ambassadorship. He mentally smacked himself. Now is not the time to ogle him, but damn. “I found a couple things. Oh, and hey,” he scooped up the lube, “We’ll need this.” Jeongguk's eyes grew very round when he saw the kitchen implements Jimin was holding. “We need something to work lube around the base.” Jimin hummed, looking around. He was trying to seem confident to calm Jeongguk. “Do you have pictures of it or dimensions for it? If I’m going to use this,” he lifted the hand holding the corkscrew, “I need to know what the thing is shaped like, so I don’t hurt you.”
Jeongguk visibly shuddered, “Holy shit. Seriously? What about those? Wouldn’t that be safer?” He pointed towards the tongs.
“I grabbed these, but I am afraid they might rip your skin.” At Jimin’s words, Jeongguk jolted. “Can you imagine having to get stitches there?” At that question, Jeongguk’s face lost nearly all its color. Jimin continued, “I figure if I can get this…” he gestured to the corkscrew, “...in properly, it’ll make a good handle.” Jeongguk didn’t look convinced, so Jimin asked, “Do you have some other way to get a grip on it?”
Jeongguk pulled the comforter over his head and moaned out, “Fuck! Fuck my life. That orgasm was not in any way, shape, or form good enough to be going through this shit.” He uncovered his head, looking determined suddenly. “Hand me my phone. I need to look up where I ordered this piece of shit.”
Jimin couldn’t help but chuckle, glad Jeongguk seemed to be recovering. Seeing him defeated and scared had torn at his heart. This Jeongguk seemed more himself. “Yeah, okay, where did you put it?”
Jeongguk screwed up his face in concentration trying to recall where he last had his phone, “Uh… last time I had it… uh… it should be on the shelf over in front of where you found the lube.”
As Jimin looked around, he found the phone near where he’d last seen it. That was strange. If it’d been him, he would’ve had his phone with him in the bathroom and been crying to his boyfriend the whole time. He shook his head and handed the phone over. He paused, thinking. Why wasn’t he calling his boyfriend for help? Oh wait, they were probably doing the video call earlier due to distance, duh. He shook the thoughts from his mind and turned towards the bathroom. To Jeongguk he said, “While you look for that, I’m going to grab some cotton swabs for the lube. Be right back.”
When Jimin returned, Jeongguk handed him the phone. As he read over the dimensions, he couldn’t believe that monster-sized dildo actually fit inside Jeongguk’s body. “Just how on earth is that…” he gestured to the screen, “...inside you?” he asked. Jeongguk blushed from the chest up. Oh god that is cute. “Sorry, it’s just this thing is insane.” He paused, but then added, “At least I know I won’t have a problem. I just need to orient the wine opener well. If I can just figure out…” he trailed off trying to figure out how he could make sure he screwed it straight on. “I think I need you as flat as possible. I need to figure out how it’s laying precisely inside you. Sorry, but I need to push on your abdomen and see if I can feel it. It’s going to be a bit weird and, maybe, uncomfortable. Sorry.”
“Well, it isn’t like this whole thing hasn’t been the weirdest thing I’ve ever experienced. This is all my fault. I shouldn’t have tried taking the whole thing.” His tone sounded stronger. He seemed to be regaining some of his self-confidence.
Jimin chuckled. He couldn’t help teasing him, “Yeah. You’re not an Omega, meant to take a knot. I thought you would have been more of an Alpha anyway.”
Jeongguk sputtered in response, “What?” It seemed he was going to be permanently pink from embarrassment until this was over.
Seeing him like this was infinitely better than seeing him hurting and afraid. That had been torture to Jimin’s heart. He hadn’t seemed that small and lost since he was a kid, back before they all debuted. He’d been so young then. They both had been.
The full body blush made Jimin feel some kind of way, so he had to add, “Even if you could take an Alpha’s knot, at least it would deflate and slip out.” At Jeongguk’s scandalized look, Jimin asked, “What, you think I don’t know about Omegaverse stories?”
“Hyung! Oh my god.”
And he was back to covering his eyes. So cute. Be still his heart. Okay. Focus. Right. “Lay down flat on your back. I am going to try to get an idea of how it’s oriented. It might feel uncomfortable, but I need to be sure. I cannot fuck this up and make things worse than they are.”
Jeongguk lay down, focusing on the ceiling. “Do what you need to do. Thanks, hyung. Seriously, thank you.”
“Don’t thank me until we see if this works. I’ll uncover you, then I’ll need you to open your legs for me.” Jimin could not believe that those words had just come out of his mouth.
“I can’t believe this is happening. If it is all the same to you, I am going to cover my eyes and pretend to be elsewhere,” he said while assuming the requested position with a hand over his eyes and one over his chest.
“Okay. Getting hard is normal with what we’re doing. It’s okay. I promise.” Jimin couldn’t help but try to reassure him again. Jeongguk was already hard, and he hadn’t laid a hand on him yet. He was thankful the younger man had his eyes covered and had been preoccupied with his own situation, because Jimin was tenting his own pants. He glanced at his traitorous dick. Now is not the time, he told it.
Jimin laid his palm against Jeongguk's lower abdomen on the left side because his erection was in the way on the right. From that position, he couldn’t feel what he needed to feel. Jeongguk was busy trying not to be present, so Jimin was presented with a problem. He could ask the younger to hold his dick out of the way or Jimin could move it himself. Honestly, he should probably have Jeongguk do it, but Jimin was not a saint. He was going to grip this opportunity quite literally in hand. He firmly grasped Jeongguk’s dick, held it to the side with one hand, and pushed firmly against his lower abdomen to feel where the dildo was oriented.
Jeongguk responded with a surprised grunt and by arching up. Once he relaxed back down, Jimin apologized, “Sorry. I should have warned you. It was in the way. I couldn’t feel what I needed to.”
Jeongguk grunted out, his voice an octave lower than previously, “It’s okay. I’m okay. Just don’t… uh… move your hand too much or I might… yeah.”
“Oh.” It was so tempting to do just that, but he was already taking liberties that he was sure Jeongguk’s boyfriend wouldn’t appreciate. That sobered him. How could he forget the boyfriend? “Here, could you hold yourself then. I don’t want to cause you to… uh. Yeah.”
“No, it’s okay. Just do what you need to do.” Jeongguk went back to trying to zone out.
Jimin pressed and felt around for how the intruding object was oriented. It was so weird, but he could feel it clearly. It was huge. He felt confident he’d be able to get the corkscrew in safely, but before he grabbed the tool to start, he had another idea. “Gguk-ah, I have an idea for a better position. Here. Grab both your legs and pull them up to your chest, kind of like giving birth.”
“Oh my god!” he whined in a high pitch. “Seriously, hyung? You had to say that?”
“Yes.” He smirked. He just couldn’t resist, “You know, I should have said ‘just like an Omega giving birth.’” He giggled, falling forward against Jeongguk’s abdomen, but quickly sat back up when he realized just how close he had been to his dick.
Jeongguk groaned, “Fuck.”
Fuck indeed. He couldn’t believe it had been that close to his face. Whether the younger man's reaction was in response to what he had said or done, Jimin wasn’t sure. He cleared his throat and calmed himself. “But seriously… Once you are in that position, I will have you push it out as far as possible. Maybe we can even get it out that way. Did you try that position earlier?” He was glad to be back on task.
“Not exactly. I mean I tried on the toilet, like trying to take a dump with my legs propped up. That’s almost the same position.”
“Oh, well, it doesn’t hurt to try. Even if you can’t get it out, at least it will open you up more, so I don’t accidentally get you with the sharp-pointy.” Jimin tried to keep it light.
“Yeah. I really don’t feel like being stabbed… there.” Jeongguk cringed while his face drained of color.
That wiped the humor from Jimin’s face. “I promise to be as careful as possible, baby.” Fuck. So much for keeping it light, and he did it again. He really should not be using such words of endearment, but Jeongguk didn’t act like it was anything abnormal, so he decided to roll with it.
Jeongguk pulled his legs up exposing himself fully.
Jimin never dreamed he would see him like this. He mentally smacked himself. Stop that. No thinking about that. You’re just helping your friend, nothing more. He pulled the dick to the side again. Pesky thing was just sticking up and in the way. “Now bear down.”
Jeongguk responded with a moan but did his best to follow the instructions.
“Now hold that position. It’s perfect. I am going to try to screw this in now. It might twist and tug. It won’t be comfortable.”
“Just do it! I’ll be okay. Besides, I like pain,” Jeongguk grunted.
Fuck. Of course he does. I’m learning all kinds of things today. Holy hell. Focus Jimin. He grabbed the wine bottle opener and centered it. “If you feel anything sharp, tell me immediately.” He pressed and turned. He could see the dildo trying to turn, but the lube had been washed away in the bath. He’d been counting on that. This wouldn’t work if the thing just twisted around inside him. Jimin pushed harder and turned, which granted him more delicious moans from the younger man. Fuck. If only, but no! Focus. He worked at it until it was fully seated into the base of the dildo.
Jimin sat back, feeling accomplished. His hair-brained idea seemed to be working. “There. Now we have a handle. Relax, baby. Relax as much as possible. I’ll start working the lube all around now. The most dangerous part is done.” He rubbed Jeongguk’s thigh in an attempt to calm him.
Jeongguk placed his hand over the hand that was rubbing his thigh to stop the movement. “Thank you, hyung, but… it’s just… every touch just gets me worked up more.”
“Oh! Sorry. Sorry. Yeah.” He pulled both hands away and held them up. “I didn’t realize.”
He should apologize to the boyfriend too after this. The boyfriend would be the one helping him if he was here. He was glad he could be the one helping him though. At least he had this. He would always be there for him. Always.
“I’m going to meditate and try to relax. Where did I put my phone? Oh yeah.” He picked it up and looked for his music app. He put on mild relaxing music and closed his eyes.
“Go ahead and do that, but it would be good to get the lube in place first, so it’s ready to go when you’re as loose and relaxed as you can get.” He adjusted Jeongguk’s legs and placed his own body between them on his stomach, so he could start working, laser focused on the next step in his plan.
“Oh my god, hyung. I’ll never be able to relax with you between my thighs. Fuck.” The strain was clear in his voice.
“Oh. Sorry. I’ll hurry and finish, then let you relax, okay?” Jeongguk nodded and closed his eyes, focusing on his meditation. His previously softening cock was hard again. Jimin swiftly started working the lube around the base of the toy with the cotton swabs, trying to make it as wet as possible. Before he’d counted on the lube being gone, now they needed it back for the next step.
While Jimin worked, he tried his best not to think about what he was doing. Getting worked up wouldn't do anyone any good, but there was no way he could ignore the sounds the younger man was making as he worked. It was as if he wasn’t trying to hold back anymore. Why-oh-why couldn’t things have been different? If he had only known Jeongguk was into guys, he would have made a move or done something. Fuck! Wait. No, he couldn’t have. They’re in the same group. If it didn’t work out, that would break up the group. He would never take a chance on that. Having the group, the fans, and the music is all he had. Bangtan was his life. Not to mention, he couldn’t wish Jeongguk and his boyfriend to break up. What kind of hyung would he be? As long as Jeongguk was happy, he’d be happy. Jimin put that thought on repeat in his mind.
Finally, Jeongguk was as prepared as they could make him. Jimin sat up, still thankful for Jeongguk’s closed eyes. They both were ragingly hard. “There. All done. Nice and wet. I’m going to grab some water for us. I’m sure you haven’t drunk anything in hours. Be right back, baby. Hopefully, we’ll have this thing out of you shortly.” He patted his hip and slipped off the bed, intent on heading for the kitchen, but veering off to make a pit stop in the hallway bathroom, where it took entirely too long to will his erection away.
He grabbed a couple bottles of water and headed back. He took a deep breath before entering. “Okay, baby. Are you ready?” Fuck. ‘Baby’ was just the word of the day. Might as well own it as long as Jeongguk doesn’t say anything. Jimin figured Jeongguk would mention his boyfriend at some point, especially if Jimin kept calling him that. He was sad that Jeongguk hadn’t felt comfortable enough to tell him about the boyfriend yet. He really hoped he treated Jeongguk well. He deserved the best.
Jeongguk interrupted Jimin’s internal diatribe with, “Yeah, hyung, let’s go! I am so ready to have this thing out of my ass! I would much rather something else be in there.”
What the fuck was that? Seriously? He shook his head. It didn’t matter what he meant. Just focus. Jimin crawled upon the bed and handed over the water. They took a moment to hydrate. The silence felt weird, but he wasn’t sure why. Maybe Jeongguk was embarrassed about that comment… or maybe he was trying to figure out how to tell him about his boyfriend. Who knew? They finished the water, but Jeongguk still hadn’t spoken.
“Okay. Ready?” At Jeongguk’s nod, Jimin moved into position. “Okay. We’ll count down. Then you’ll push, and I’ll pull.”
Jeongguk grabbed the backs of his thighs and breathed to relax.
Jimin counted down and started pulling hard, but it wasn’t budging.
“Ow. Ow. Ow. Stop. Stop.” Jeongguk cried. “I don’t think this is going to work, hyung. It hurts too much.” Tears were filling his eyes.
“So much for liking pain,” Jimin mumbled, while trying to think of another way. He ran his hands through his dark locks.
“Well, yeah, I like pain with sex. Pain by itself, though, not so much. It just feels like you’re tearing me open.” He swiped at his tears. “Fuck!”
Jimin let Jeongguk’s words sink in. That was the solution. “That’s it! We add sex to the mix.” After he blurted that, he felt his cheeks heat. He couldn’t believe he uttered those words to Jeongguk.
After an uncomfortable silent moment, Jeongguk asked, “What do you mean? How do you mean?”
Jimin couldn’t believe he was saying this. “Well. You can jerk off. Then we try again once you come. The endorphins should be enough to overcome the pain.”
Jeongguk brightened at Jimin’s words. “Yeah. Yeah! You’re right. Okay. Let me just, uh.” He timidly started stroking himself. Looking shy, he asked, “Can I have the lube?”
“Oh yeah, here.” Jimin had thought his face couldn’t heat further. He’d been wrong. He just couldn’t with this man. So cute and sexy all in one. “Let me know when you are close. I’ll just, uh, mess around on my phone to give you privacy.” He grabbed his phone from his pocket and proceeded to do just that. He didn’t move far. He needed to be nearby.
It seemed to be taking a while, but he guessed that made sense. He’d come once already that night. He tried so hard to focus on his phone game, but that was completely impossible when the man who’d starred in nearly every fantasy he’d ever had was jerking off right beside him.
Eventually, Jeongguk sighed in frustration and stopped his motions.
Jimin looked at him, quickly forgetting his phone. He’d given up on the game entirely in favor of trying to watch Jeongguk without getting caught. Suddenly, he recalled the couple of times some of the members watched porn and jerked off while on tour in their early years. He’d tried to peek then too. Sue him, Jeongguk was gorgeous.
“Hyung, I can’t stay hard. There’s too much pressure. It won’t build.” Frustrated tears were starting to form in Jeongguk’s eyes.
Jimin was at a loss. He admitted, “I’m running out of ideas.” He was starting to panic but tried not to show it. He looked around, trying to come up with anything. Nothing was coming to mind. "I’m not sure what to do.” He sighed, “Maybe it’s time to consider the hospital.” He didn’t want to admit defeat and face what was bound to be the biggest fallout in the history of K-pop. And he’d thought the thing with his ex had been bad.
“No! Wait!” Jeongguk looked around, careful to not make eye contact again. “I have an idea, but I’m not sure you’ll be okay with it.”
That certainly caught Jimin’s curiosity. “Jeongguk, whatever it is, if it’ll help, I’ll do it. Don’t you know I’d do anything for you?” Maybe Jimin was being too honest. He should have said something about protecting Bantan, but when it boiled down to it, he would do anything to protect this man.
Jeongguk seemed surprised at his strong declaration, and said, “Oh. Well, you haven’t heard it yet. It might be too much.”
“What part of ‘anything’, are you missing, you punk?” he asked in exasperation, trying to inject some levity into the situation. “I’ll do what’s needed.”
“I can’t believe I’m saying this to you, but I think that if you, maybe… Um… watch me. I really like being watched.” He perked up, clearly thinking of something that excited him, “Or even better…talk dirty to me.” He covered his eyes again, waiting for a response from Jimin, probably half afraid he pushed too far. When Jimin didn’t respond, he continued in a much quieter tone, “That is if you feel comfortable doing that. It’s already bad enough that I need you to help me with something like this.” He peeked from behind fingers.
Jimin continued to be silent. Jimin.exe had stopped working. A moment passed before it felt like his brain rebooted and came back online. He couldn’t believe Jeongguk wanted him to watch him play with own dick. Him. Jimin. Fuck. Okay. He can do that, but Jeongguk wanted him to talk dirty to him too. Fuck. Saved a country in a past life or some shit. Holy fuck. Okay… Get it together Jimin.
He’d clearly been silent for too long, since Jeongguk began apologizing after taking Jimin’s silence as a ‘no’. “Sorry. So sorry. That was inappropriate.” He was clearly distraught. “Okay, um. I’ll need help getting dressed and to the car. Fuck.” He tried to sit up uncomfortably. He made a pained noise as he shifted.
Finally, Jimin found his voice. He put a hand on Jeongguk’s chest pushing him back down. “Wait, baby. I just needed to process that for a moment. It was unexpected, but it’s okay. I promise. I would love to watch you play with your pretty dick.” He paused judging the younger’s reaction to what he said. He’d never tried to talk dirty before. He took a breath and asked, “like that? Or do you need me to be mean?” He wasn’t sure he could do that. He felt compelled to be honest, so the expectation wouldn’t be high. “I don’t really have any experience doing this. I mean, I’ve had sex less than a handful of times. I’m not exactly experienced with dirty talk or, really, much of anything, so I apologize now if I suck.” He knew it was a pathetic admission, knowing just how often Jeongguk talked about getting laid, but it was what it was. After a moment of silence and self-deprecation, he finally looked up into Jeongguk’s very surprised face.
“What? Four times? Like Ever?” Jeongguk’s voice squeaked.
Jimin was starting to notice that Jeongguk squeaked when Jimin truly surprised him. How did he never notice that? And also, what the fuck?
“Do not make fun of me. I’m not making fun of you. Okay?” He turned his head away from the younger man, fully embarrassed to be so inexperienced. He suddenly wanted to get up and leave the room. Leave him to his own devices, but he wouldn’t. He would never leave him in distress, but his lack of experience was a sore spot for him. At his age and level of fame, he should be getting laid left and right, just like Jeongguk. Not to mention he had been in a relationship, but idol life really had made meeting up back then nearly impossible. The relationship wouldn’t have lasted as long as it had, if he hadn’t been so busy. He felt tears starting to form in his eyes from the frustration and loneliness. He didn’t miss his ex. At all. The relationship had only existed as a means to explore his own sexuality once he finally accepted that he was gay.
“Hyung. No, I’m not making fun of you! I promise. I’m just surprised. You’re so fucking sexy and a freaking amazing person. I know you don’t do relationships anymore, but I thought you would be having a lot of, you know, one-nightstands. I just thought you were being private and not telling me,” Jeongguk admitted.
Jimin slumped at those words. He felt like a failure as a man even though it was dumb to think so. Logically, he knew that, but he just couldn’t help the unreasonable feelings. He truly had overcome a lot in the last decade, but this still bothered him a great deal.
“I want to hug you so much right now but sitting up hurts.” Jeongguk’s words grabbed Jimin’s attention. Jeongguk seemed truly distraught.
It was then that Jimin felt the wetness of his cheeks. He swiped at this face. He needed to get his shit together and help Jeongguk. He can deal with his own stupid baggage later. “No. Don’t do that. Don’t hurt yourself. I’m okay. It’s okay. Just don’t expect much, okay? I’ll try.” He took a breath, centering himself. “I can pull from all the stuff I’ve read, right? It’s basically porn. It should work.” He gave Jeongguk a small smile. It was the biggest he could manage right then.
Jeongguk’s hand came to his cheek. He could reach that far. “Thank you. I really appreciate this. Just… Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with, okay?” His eyes were wide, looking so earnest.
Jimin covered the younger man’s hand with his own, savoring the touch, then nodded. “Okay. So, lay back and start stroking yourself. I’ll try to channel my favorite stories.”
After a bit of silence while Jimin wracked his brain, nothing was coming to him. “Okay, my brain is blank. Fuck.” Jimin couldn’t remember any of his favorite stories. Oh! Jeongguk had been worried about coming when Jimin touched him before. Maybe he should do that. Wait, what about his boyfriend? Surely, he would understand it’s an emergency. “Can I touch you? Me rubbing your leg excited you earlier, right?” At Jeongguk’s nod, “Like this?” Jimin started caressing his thigh with the intent to be sensual instead of comforting. Jeongguk had commented many times in the past how sexy Jimin was on stage and on camera. Too bad he’d only brought basic makeup on this trip. He didn’t think he’d need his smokey eye shadow pallet. He still looked good though from freshening his makeup before visiting his friends. It’d have to be enough.
Jeongguk closed his eyes and stuttered out, “Yeah, hyung. Yeah. Touch me however you want, please.” He gripped his cock and started moving.
Jimin could hear the lube squelching with each stroke. “How I want, eh?” Oh, Jeongguk had no idea how he’d fantasized about touching him. “You want hyung to touch you here?” He caressed his hand from the top of his muscular thigh inward closer to his balls. He wasn’t brave enough to actually touch them, even though Jeongguk did say to touch however he wanted.
Jeongguk shuddered, “Yes. More.” He pushed up into his hand, trying to get it where he wanted it.
“Yeah, Baby. You’re gorgeous. You work so hard for this body, don’t you? Let hyung worship it a bit.” As soon as the words left his lips, he felt a bit embarrassed, unable to contain the things he felt now that he was actually touching Jeongguk. “Please. Please. Harder. Please.” Jeongguk begged. His free hand lashed out to grab Jimin’s free hand and placed it on his pec. Oh. Well okay. That works too. Jimin wished he could put his mouth on his chest. It’d been one of his fantasies that came about after Jeongguk had really started working on his chest.
Jimin’s other hand skirted around where Jeongguk was working himself, moving it higher, up the chiseled abs to his other pec. He allowed himself to thoroughly massage them, not just the playful grab that he often did. He was rewarded with a low moan. Fuck. Then how about this? He tweaked both small, dark-chocolate nipples. He was never going to be able to grab his pecks again after this. It’d be weird. He’ll mourn that loss later. Right now, he’d enjoy fulfilling a few of his fantasies. In the name of helping him, of course.
“Yeah. Like that. Harder. Hyung . I like it rough. Please,” Jeongguk begged.
Of course he does. He gripped harder and watched the younger writhe in response to his ministrations, “Fuck, Baby. You’re perfect,” he breathed out, leaning over him. He pinched even harder.
Jeongguk arched higher and moaned exceptionally loud, “Yes! Yes! Please, hyung. Here.” He grabbed one of Jimin’s hands and brought it to his cock. He then wrapped his hand over Jimin’s and started stroking.
Jimin’s pulse skyrocketed and sweat beaded on his forehead. If Jeongguk hadn’t been moving his hand, he would still be frozen in place by the shock of it all. The feel of the silky slick skin sliding along his palm and fingers would be engraved forever in his memory. Jeongguk’s moans had Jimin far from thinking deeply after that. It wasn’t the first time Jimin had held his cock tonight, but it was nothing like earlier. Jeongguk was literally forcing Jimin to jerk him off… and he had no complaints.
He licked his lips as he watched their hands slide up and down the shaft. God, he wanted to suck it, kiss it, tongue it in every way. He’d never sucked a cock before, but he’d read many stories. He’d never wanted something so much in his life. Fuck, he was drooling, nearly escaping his mouth. The slurp he made drew Jeongguk’s attention to his mouth, because what happened next changed the course of everything.
“Suck it, please? I want it so bad. Please suck it?” Jeongguk begged.
He glanced at Jeongguk’s face, stunned. Jimin’s body was already leaning forward without his permission when Jeongguk released Jimin’s hand and grasped his hair, pushing his head toward his dick. Oh fuck. Oh fuck. He briefly considered stopping what was happening, but he wanted it so bad. All complaints flitted away.
He opened his mouth to take in the head. The taste of lube was not great, but the feel of that silky skin on his lips and tongue was divine. He experimentally sucked like it was a lollipop. Jeongguk moaned and arched, encouraging him to do more. It slid inside until it hit the back of his throat. He didn’t choke, but there was resistance. He hollowed his cheeks and sucked and was rewarded with more moans and curses. He tried to push past that resistance, but the angle wasn’t right. He pulled off which resulted in complaints from Jeongguk. He ignored them and moved between Jeongguk’s legs. He took him into his mouth again. This angle was much better, and he could push past that resistance if he relaxed his jaw. He wanted all of him, and he wanted it now. Before he could give it any thought, his nose was nestled in the coarse hair at the base of Jeongguk’s cock.
Jeongguk was suddenly yanking on his hair before Jimin could start bobbing his head. “I’m coming! I’m coming! Now! Do it now!” He could feel the cock jerking against his tongue.
Jimin started swallowing reflexively as he was being pulled off. He wanted all of it. He was trying to swallow the rest, when Jeongguk’s pleas sank in. Oh yeah. The dildo. Fuck.
He pushed Jeongguk’s legs up, gripped the handle, and pulled with all his might. He wasn’t going to stop this time. This was really their last chance. Down deep they both knew it needed to come out this time, no matter how much it hurt. It slid out followed by a lot of lube and a little blood.
Before he realized what was happening, he was in Jeongguk’s arms and was being kissed desperately.
Jimin had never been kissed like this. The kisses he’d had before had been meek and sloppy. Jeongguk’s kissing was nothing like that. He wasn’t letting Jimin breathe, while sucking on his lips and his tongue. The world narrowed to just their mouths. Nothing else intruded until Jeongguk released him, and Jimin’s mind finally was able to come back online. Fuck! Wait. We can’t be doing this. He’ll regret this once he gets over his relief at being free of that thing. Oh shit! There was blood too.
Jeongguk started to lean forward to claim his mouth once again, but Jimin placed his hands on his chest and gently pushed him back. “Wait.” It came out gravely, likely due to the deep throating. Oh! Guess it’s true. It fucks with your voice. He cleared his throat and continued, “Are you okay? There was some blood.” He looked towards the offending object that had caused all this trouble. There wasn’t a lot of blood, but he couldn’t help but worry.
“I’m fine, hyung,” he said and tried to lean close for a kiss again.
Jimin couldn’t let that happen, even though he wanted nothing more. “I should check,” he rushed to say, but then felt heat consume his face once he realized what he said. “I mean, we should make sure you don’t need to go to the hospital. At least now that it’s out, you can claim something else happened. Something normal… like a really hard dump or something in case you need stitches.” He looked anywhere but at his face. Although Jeongguk was quiet for an inordinate amount of time, Jimin still kept his gaze averted.
Eventually, Jeongguk responded. “Okay, but how would you check?”
He hadn’t thought that far. “I’m not sure. Just let me look. If I can’t see anything, I can maybe feel around and see if there is more blood coming out.” Again, he couldn’t believe the things coming out of his mouth with zero input from his brain. He was sure that they needed to check for tears though.
“Okay. Sure, but I am telling you I’ll be fine,” Jeongguk assured. He lay back down and spread his legs wider on either side of Jimin’s body.
Somehow, Jimin had forgotten he was nestled in between his legs. That kiss had really addled his brain. Focus Jimin. Make sure he’s okay and get the heck out of here, before he does something he’ll regret just because he’s relieved. Jimin tried to look, but the angle wasn’t good. “Pull your legs up again, like before.”
He got the feeling Jeongguk was trying to make eye contact with him, but he resolutely refused to return it. He was feeling too many ways and panic was starting to build.
Jeongguk slowly grabbed his thighs and pulled his knees to his chest.
Fuck. Oh Fuck. His ass was gaping, and Jimin’s cock ached from being too hard for too long. Focus. Damn it. Focus. Check him and get the fuck out of here. He leaned forward to get a closer look. It appeared puffy and red. It was still glistening with lube. “I’m going to touch you. I don’t see anything at the opening, but I need to check further in if I can. I really want to see if you are still bleeding.”
“Okay. Do what you need to do.” He sounded exasperated.
To Jimin, it looked wet, but he didn’t know if it was wet enough for him to probe around. He looked for and found the lube. After making sure the fingers of both hands were covered, he used the index fingers of both hands to try to spread him open a bit further to see inside. He really couldn’t see much more, so settled on using two fingers of one hand to push inside searching for fresh blood, which resulted in a moan from Jeongguk and amazingly, his cock started to plump back up. Literally how? He just came. “Sorry. Sorry,” he apologized and pulled his fingers out. Thankfully, there was no new blood.
“Okay. I think you’re fine.” He sprang up off the bed and used the edge of the towel they had put down to clean off his hands. He was speaking quickly now. “I’ll let you clean up. I brought food from my friends for you. I'll warm that up. You must be hungry by now. I assume you haven’t eaten. I’ll see you when you're done.” He exited the room quickly, never making eye contact with Jeongguk. The freakout he’d been staving off was starting to hit full force now. He had to get out of there. Now.
“Hyung, wait!”
He paused in the doorway. “Did you want me to bring the food to you instead? I can do that.” He finally met Jeongguk’s eyes and tried to smile warmly. He wasn’t sure he succeeded, if Jeongguk’s expression was any indication.
Jeongguk looked dejected, “Yeah, hyung. That'd be nice. Thank you.”
“Okay. Give me a bit. I’ll be back.” With those words he slipped out of the room.
The Aftermath, part 1 (Jeongguk’s POV)
Jeongguk watched as Jimin left the room. He flopped back on to the bed. He couldn't believe everything that had just happened. Before Jimin came through for him, he'd been more than terrified. For the first time ever, he couldn't fix what he had fucked up when he’d pushed his body too far, doing dangerous things. He could have really fucked up and ruined everything for the whole group. Heck, for their support staff too. What if Jimin hadn’t wanted to come along last minute. He could have destroyed everything.
With Jimin's freaking out, it seemed like he wasn't out of the woods yet. He may have just ruined their friendship. He'd been very obvious with his attraction this time. Jimin's discomfort with everything they'd just done felt like reality smacking him in the face. For years, he'd tried to be everything Jimin had ever hinted he wanted in a man, strong, tattooed, and romantic. No matter how he flirted, Jimin had always brushed it off as a joke. This time he couldn't brush it off. They'd done things that Jimin seemed to be very into in the moment but was now panicking over. He’d had hope for a bright shining moment there, but then Jimin had tossed him right back in the little brother box and slammed the lid.
"I get it, Universe. I get it. I should move on." The words tumbled into the empty room, as he stood and started gathering his shower things. His chest felt like it had a clamp around it, and the screws were being tightened. He looked down at himself, covered in cum and lube. He hoped getting himself cleaned up would help, clearing his mind. He wasn’t sure what else he could do.
The Aftermath, part 2 (Jimin’s POV)
What the fuck? What the fuck? Oh my god! That happened. That really happened. Fuck. Fuck. Oh my god. I sucked his dick! It’d felt so silky on his tongue. Dicks feel like that? He licked his lips, only now realizing he had cum on his lips still. Maybe he was imagining that. Jeongguk had kissed him thoroughly. The cum should be gone, right? He could still taste it. Maybe he’d missed some. He moaned. He was never moving past this. Not possible. Fuck! How was he supposed to do anything around him anymore? Fuck! He figured he would remember how it felt against his lips and tongue for years to come. And oh god, his cock had been down his throat. Oh god, he’d swallowed Jeongguk’s cum. It was in him right that minute. He rubbed his hand over his tummy.
He can’t think about this. Nope. Boyfriend. Remember the boyfriend. He did what he had to do. No more. No less. Jeongguk deserves to be happy. It’s hard enough finding someone with this crazy profession. He would be damned if he broke them up. Not to mention, even if there was no one, they couldn’t be together. Even if Jeongguk wanted him. They could not endanger the group by being together. But there was a boyfriend, so he had to stop thinking about all of it.
Finally, his thoughts started to settle as he began putting some dinner together for Jeongguk. He kept reminding himself that he had just taken care of him, rescued him. The kiss was just a celebration, an expression of relief. It meant nothing. He needed to act like it was nothing. Just like they all did when Taehyung had the bright idea for the 4 of them to masturbate to porn. They acted like nothing happened and eventually it stopped being awkward. That's all they need to do.
He busied himself in preparing food for him.
♫
With a tray laden with food, Jimin headed back to the bedroom. As he neared the door, he heard Jeongguk speaking, “I missed you too. I’ll see you soon. Yeah. I love you too.” Jimin’s heart sank. That definitely sounded serious.
He waited a moment to make sure the call was done before entering. He found Jeongguk with damp hair and a towel slung low on his hips. The vision that was freshly showered Jeongguk didn’t make things easier for Jimin, who now knew things he was never meant to know. “Here you go. This will help you recover.” He set it on the bed, seeing no other place beside the floor that would work. He turned to leave the room, wanting to bail as quickly as possible, not trusting himself to not ogle the skin on display further. “I’ll go grab my luggage, so I can get a shower.”
“We should talk, hyung.” Large pleading eyes begged Jimin to cooperate.
For once, Jimin was able to ignore it. He wasn’t ready for the conversation that he knew they needed to have. He wasn’t sure he’d ever be. So, he continued like he hadn’t heard him, “I need my toiletries from my luggage.”
"Hyung, please?" Jeongguk’s exasperated voice was loud.
Jimin’s anxiety peaked. "I can't yet, okay? Give me some time. I need time." His words had run together, but he must have gotten the meaning.
Jeongguk sagged, sighed, and relented. Thankfully, he accepted the topic change. “We use the same stuff. Why don’t you get started and I’ll grab your luggage and then hand you your shower stuff?” He gestured toward the bathroom, while really pouring on the puppy eyes. Fuck. He couldn’t resist those this time.
“Are you sure you’re okay? You shouldn’t be lifting stuff.” Jimin hedged as he took a couple steps away from the source of his discomfort, namely Jeongguk.
He huffed and rolled his eyes, “I’m fine, hyung. Seriously.”
Jimin sagged in relief, leaving and escaping the awkward conversation. "Okay. Thanks." He turned tail and scurried away.
The Ring, part 1 (Jeongguk’s POV)
After grabbing the luggage from the car, Jeongguk began to look for Jimin's shower stuff as promised, but what he found first was a Tiffany's ring box. Curious about what pretty, shiny ring Jimin had gotten for himself, he opened it. He nearly dropped the box in surprise. It was his ring, the one he'd dreamed of receiving, the ring which clearly told him that Jimin was in a serious relationship. Did that mean Jimin lied to him about not being experienced? His oral skills sure seemed like he had lots of experience. Jeongguk had come so quickly. But why would he lie? Jimin was a private person, but he used to tell Jeongguk everything. He was beginning to feel like he didn’t know him at all anymore.
His heart lurched in his chest. It didn't matter whether the ring was given to Jimin or whether it was meant for someone else. Jimin was thinking of marriage, and he hadn't told Jeongguk, his best friend. The vice clamp was back on his chest. Jimin had been distant for the last year while he worked on his album. Writing and recording songs and learning everything for performances was time consuming. Jeongguk understood that, but maybe it wasn't as time consuming as he'd told Jeongguk. He figured something was going on, but not this. Was Jimin aware of Jeongguk's feelings? Fuck, had Jeongguk been that obvious? Had he been distancing himself because of that? If he knew of Jeongguk's feelings and started seeing someone, he could imagine his hyung doing that.
He'd been ecstatic when Jimin had contacted him wanting to go home to Busan with him for Seollal. He'd been missing his best friend dearly.
Wait! Was this why Jimin was panicking? He froze. What had he done? Had he made Jimin cheat on his fiancé? Did he ruin his best friend's relationship? He had to fix this somehow, but how? He could apologize and explain what happened to the guy. He could explain to him how dire the situation had been, that there had been no other choice.
But was that really true? Yes, it had hurt a lot when Jimin had tried to pull it out the first time, but he was a tough guy. He could have endured it, right? If Jimin had just said something, he wouldn't have begged him to do those things. Oh god, did Jimin feel coerced, like he had no other choice? Now that Jeongguk was thinking with a clear head, he could see how Jimin could think there weren't any other options to save Bangtan. Jeongguk wasn't sure what to do. He'd really fucked up.
Should he go to the police? Sexual coercion had to be something to be reported to someone, but that would defeat Jimin's sacrifice. He couldn't tarnish Jimin's reputation. He could turn in his resignation, drop out for 'personal reasons', so Jimin wouldn't have to be around him. But before he assumed too much, he really needed to talk to Jimin and see what he wanted him to do. His hyung was the victim here.
A thump and muffled cursing drifted through the bedroom door. Oh, right. His shower stuff. Jeongguk dug out pajamas and Jimin's shower bag.
He opened the bathroom door, covering his eyes and set them just inside the door. "Here's your clothes and skin care stuff."
Once that was done, he looked around the bedroom. He needed to clean up this whole disaster. He set about replacing the sheets and discarding the offensive dildo that caused this whole fiasco. No, that's not fair. He has no one and nothing to blame except himself and his own sexual perversity.
After more thought, he decided to make up the couch for himself. There could be no way Jimin would want to be next to him after what he'd forced him to do. He lay down to wait for Jimin, who seemed to be taking a long time. He fought the droop of his eyelids for a long time, but ended up dozing off before the bathroom door opened. He was absolutely drained from the stress, both physical and emotional, of the day's events.
The Aftermath, part 3 (Jimin’s POV)
Once in the shower, his brain was working overtime, trying to process. Would Jeongguk tell his boyfriend what happened? Will the guy come after him? He isn't even sure he'd put up a fight. Yeah, he'd done it to help Jeongguk, but he knew himself well enough to know he sucked his dick because he wanted to suck it. He'd never done it before, but it seemed like Jeongguk had really enjoyed it, so he must have done well. He couldn't believe he hadn't gagged. The skin had been so soft against his lips and tongue.
The memories were enough to have him hard and wanting. He hadn't been able to come earlier. He needed to take care of it now or he'd never be able to get to sleep. Looking around, he needed something. There, he grabbed the conditioner to use as lube. Facing away, he let the water pelt his back as he squirted some on his hand. The feel of his smooth hand forced a moan from his throat when he gripped himself. With eyes wide, he slapped his other hand over his mouth. He could not let Jeongguk hear him getting off to the visions of what happened. He stroked himself hard and fast, knowing he needed to get it over with quickly, because Jeongguk should be back with his bag soon. He heard the bedroom door open and close. He was just on the other side of the wall now. The warmth pooling in his belly grew steadily. Recalling the feel of Jeongguk's cock pulsing in his mouth sent him over the edge. The strength of the orgasm nearly brought him to his knees. Grabbing the handicap bar on the wall, he stabilized himself but knocked off the bottle of conditioner in the process. He cursed, because he hadn't tightened the lid. Now he'd need to replace Jeongguk's conditioner. At least he had a valid reason as to why he used so much of it. He could just claim he spilled it.
Shortly thereafter, a knock sounded, and the door opened. When he peeked out of the shower curtain, he saw Jeongguk with a hand over his eyes, setting Jimin's things just inside the door.
“Here’s your clothes and skin care stuff.” Jeongguk’s movements were quick. He was gone in a blink.
That was weird. Maybe Jimin had been too obvious in his discomfort. Who was he kidding? Of course he'd been very obvious. Hopefully, everything would calm down and go back to normal soon.
He dried off and performed his skin care. He left his hair wet and let it dry on its own. He could regret that decision later. He felt he could talk now. Time to face the music.
Except, when he came out, Jeongguk was not in the bedroom. It'd been quiet for a while. Had he left?
He wandered down the hall to the living room, where he found Jeongguk curled up on the couch with a pillow and blanket, snoring lightly.
Way to go. He’d made him uncomfortable enough that he didn’t want to share the bed with him. Regret flooded his body, but there was nothing he could do at this moment. The blanket had slipped down, and his phone had dropped from his grasp. Jimin laid the phone on the coffee table. Then, he fondly covered the younger man with the blanket and let him sleep. He'd been through a lot. They could talk tomorrow.
The Ring, part 2 (Jimin’s POV)
Except... Jimin couldn’t sleep. With Jeongguk’s soft snores echoing down the hallway, his brain was running through everything that had happened. It was after he remembered overhearing Jeongguk saying 'I love you’ to his boyfriend for the umpteenth time in his head, Jimin got up to take a walk.
He decided to walk down by the water. He was relieved that the Airbnb Jeongguk had rented was on the beach, a small bungalow really. He might as well take advantage of the location. The sea never failed to soothe him, and he was in dire need of that.
It was as he was going through his luggage blindly to find outdoor appropriate clothing, that he felt that damnable ring box. It screamed at him just how delusional he’d been over the years. God, he had been so pathetic. He had to move on. Holding onto it would just make things worse. Time to get rid of this thing, he nodded decisively.
Outside was cold, but beautiful. He truly loved the sea. The crisp, salty sea air bit at his face, but he didn't mind. He hoped it would snow soon, but the forecast was not favorable.
Someday, he swore if he ever did retire, he would buy a place by the sea and raise a cat and a dog. He couldn’t see himself there with anyone but Jeongguk. Without him, it was still a nice future. He could play uncle to everyone’s kids and live a nice peaceful life where he could read and dance and play with his pets. Who knew, maybe he could even get a surrogate and become a parent. Now that he knew more about it, it cheered him up to think that maybe being a parent might not be impossible. If anyone asked, he could always claim he couldn't find anyone who could handle his fame. He nodded to himself, satisfied with the real future he would have and pulled out the ring box. He opened it to take one last look.
For him, this ring stood for a dream he’d always known he couldn’t have. Especially after what’d happened with his ex. Yet, he’d still bought the stupid engagement ring for Jeongguk. It was a beautiful ring and absolutely perfect for the man currently sleeping inside. He hated to get rid of it, but he had to let it go. It had already caused him to distance himself. If it weren’t for his embarrassment about buying it, maybe he would have been with Jeongguk more this past year. He might not have gotten with that guy. It was too late for these thoughts though. It needed to go. Here. Now. He snapped the box closed with finality and pulled back his arm. As he brought his arm forward to fling it into the water, Jeongguk’s voice startled him.
“Hyung?”
He fumbled the box and tried to catch it by reflex, even though he’d been in the process of throwing it into the water, but he only succeeded in knocking it off its original trajectory. Jimin watched it fall in slow motion, but then Jeongguk’s hand was suddenly there, grabbing it before it ended up in the water.
“What the…” Jeongguk began, his eyebrows furrowing. His color drained. “Hyung, why are you throwing your engagement ring away? He asked without opening the box.
Jimin watched the gears turning in the younger man's head. Jeongguk was trying to come up with an answer to his own question. Something odd stuck out about what he'd just said. “Wait, how did you know…” Jimin began to question before he was cut off again.
“Oh my god! This is my fault, isn’t it? I ruined everything,” he wailed. “I’m so, so sorry. I’m sorry!” He lowered himself to the icy ground into a full bow.
“What?” Jimin questioned, eyebrows furrowing. “What do you mean? How is what your fault? Jeongguk, get up! Why are you apologizing?”
“The ring,” Jeongguk insisted, lifting his head, reaching for Jimin’s hands. He put the box in them, searching his eyes. “Everything you did was necessary. I would’ve had to go to the hospital. It would’ve ruined Bangtan.” He pleaded. “He should have understood, right? If it will help, I’ll tell him I forced you. I mean I did. I grabbed your hand and forced your head. It’s not your fault. You’re the victim here. I made you do those things. Don’t throw away your relationship over this.”
Jimin took the box back, trying to process Jeongguk’s words, but not finding an explanation for them. What happened earlier shouldn’t have happened, but he didn’t regret helping Jeongguk. He hadn’t felt forced. Even though part of him feels helping Jeongguk was selfish, it also decisively wasn’t. Jeongguk’s other words sank in, “Relationship? Who are you talking about?” He grabbed Jeongguk’s shoulder and pulled him to rise from the rocky ground. “I’m not in a relationship.”
“He broke up with you. Oh no! I'm so sorry,” he cried and covered his face.
“Shh. Jeongguk-ah. Nothing’s your fault. There’s no relationship. There never was, and you didn’t force me. I wanted to do that. Besides, it worked. That’s what matters. Come on, let’s go inside.” Jimin tugged on his arm, pulling him along.
“But, the ring, there has to be someone? You don’t just buy an engagement ring if there’s no one.” Jeongguk insisted, sounding confused. He pulled to a stop as something occurred to him, “Wait, you do know that’s an engagement ring, right?”
Jimin toyed with the idea of lying, saying he didn’t know, but he was so very tired, tired from the stressful long day and tired from holding in his feelings for years. He didn’t think he could lie convincingly. He tugged to get Jeongguk moving again. They were near the door, before Jimin finally admitted that he knew what the ring was.
“Wait, so that means you just bought a random engagement ring… for no reason. I know better than that, hyung. There is someone.” Jeongguk insisted.
Jimin’s heart ached. He was so done with this conversation. He turned away to wipe away the tears that had sprung to his eyes, but Jeongguk grasped his wrist and turned him back to face him.
“Who?” Jeongguk’s gaze was intense with a spark of what could only be jealousy. “Who did you want so badly that you bought them this specific ring?”
There was an odd emphasis on the ring that confused Jimin. He wasn’t usually this pushy, except during that one period of time when Jimin was doing an extremely detrimental diet years ago. He couldn’t figure out why Jeongguk quizzed him so strongly. Jimin swallowed the lump in his throat. He wanted to tell him, but it would mean ruining things forever, their friendship and possibly Bangtan. Suddenly, everything was too much, so he handed the box to Jeongguk. Fuck it.
“This ring is yours. I bought it for you,” Jeongguk’s fingers closed around the box. Jimin let go and found himself wanting to run away from this conversation again. It was scary and world-changing.
Jeongguk furrowed his brows in confusion. “What?”
“Look, you were never supposed to see it. It was an impulse buy. At the time I thought you were straight. But none of that matters anyway.” Tears streamed down Jimin’s cheeks. He felt himself shaking. He tried holding in the sobs, but they were threatening to escape. He turned and grabbed the doorknob, prepared to flee. “I’ll always be your friend. That’ll never change. I promise. I just want you to be happy.” Jimin begged, opening his eyes and meeting Jeongguk’s bewildered ones. Fuck. He fucked it up. He was too sleep deprived to be making good choices right now, especially after having had a taste of what he’d wanted for so long. “Just please, don’t let this interfere with your relationship. I know you love him. Don’t let this break you guys up. I’ll never forgive myself.”
Jeongguk’s eyebrows disappeared into his bangs. “I… someone… he? I don’t have a boyfriend.”
“I heard you.” At Jeongguk’s puzzled look, Jimin continued, “You were having a video call with him when you were… um.” He looked away, unable to meet his eyes, “before you got the thing stuck.”
“Oh. Oh! ” Realization colored his features. He quickly reassured Jimin. “That’s not. No. That’s just a friend. He and I aren’t. No.” The words tumbled out so fast. He took a breath, appearing to try to calm himself. “Remember when I told you I like being watched? Well, he likes to watch. That’s all. We’re just friends.”
Jimin was still confused. There was more evidence than that. He was sure he couldn’t have gotten it wrong. “But what about the phone call? I’ve heard you tell him you loved him. I heard it when I was bringing your food, you know, after your shower.”
Jeongguk looked even more confused. He looked around in thought. “The only call I had today, besides the video call, was from my mom. She wanted to make sure I was still coming over tomorrow evening.”
“Your mom?” He stared at the younger man in disbelief. Wait, the puzzle pieces were all falling together. Did that mean… “Wait. You’re single?”
“Yeah,” he responded. “Thought you knew that. I would’ve told you if I was seeing someone seriously, hyung. You’re my best friend.” Jeongguk was looking at him strangely, which he couldn't interpret.
Jimin grimaced. “How was I supposed to know you weren’t straight, since you only tell me about the girls you've been with, hm?”
“I don’t like labels. I’m sure I said that when you came out and at least a half dozen times since then.” Jeongguk mumbled shyly at his feet, “Besides, there's never been any guys to tell you about. There's only one guy I’ve ever wanted.” He busied himself by pulling on his slides and hanging his coat. His ears were pink. Jeongguk turned to face Jimin and seemed as if he wanted to reach out but was holding himself back.
Jimin’s mind was reeling. They were both single… and into each other. He had to remind himself that that didn’t matter. There was more to it. He needed to make sure Jeongguk knew they couldn't be together. “Jeongguk-ah, we...” Before he could get anything further out, Jimin found himself shoved against the door, having the life kissed out of him. He was stunned for a moment before he started responding. Jeongguk’s lips were incredibly soft. His lip rings were hard. Their lips slotted together perfectly. He opened his mouth to allow Jeongguk’s tongue to explore. It was more intense than the kiss they’d shared before. All of Jimin's worries floated away as his desperation grew. He wanted this. Clearly, they both did. He pulled away and met Jeongguk’s eyes. All it took was a look. With practiced ease, he hopped and Jeongguk caught him like always. He found himself wrapping his legs around Jeongguk’s waist, so the younger man could carry him. He did so with very little effort, breaking the kiss only to navigate the unfamiliar house.
Once in the bedroom, Jimin broke the kiss and slid down his body. He pulled some sanity from somewhere and spoke before Jeongguk could dive in again. He needed to know that the younger man knew they couldn’t be together, that this, whatever this was, was it. He put a hand against Jeongguk’s pec to gain much-needed distance. “We can’t be together, baby. We’re idols. Everyone will lose their minds and Bangtan will be disbanded. You understand?”
Jeongguk was out of breath, but he took a moment to think. He grimaced but nodded.
Jimin’s heart hurt, but they needed to be responsible no matter what feelings might be involved. “We should probably talk more, and where’s the ring? I should take it back…”
“No. You bought it for me.” Jeongguk whined as he pulled it from his jacket pocket where he’d stashed it earlier. He held the box to his chest. “How’d you know it’s the one I wanted? I never told anyone.”
“It is?” Jimin was dumbstruck for a moment. The ring had called to him. That’s why he couldn’t resist it. “Wait. How do you even know what ring it is? You didn’t open it.”
A sheepish expression took over Jeongguk’s face. “Um. I saw it when I was getting your shower stuff.” He looked so sad at the memory. “I knew what it was the moment I saw it, because it was the one I dreamed of having… from you. I looked at the website when Tiffany’s first contacted you. I found their wedding rings.” He took a breath. “I’d thought I had a chance after what happened earlier, but when I saw the ring in your luggage... I thought you were going to propose to someone, or someone had already proposed to you… with the ring I’d wanted. I was devastated. I thought I’d missed my chance.” His grip tightened on the box and determination filled his features. “I won’t let you take it back.”
So that’s why things got weird after the shower. “Jeongguk-ah, you still sound like we could actually get married. You’ve seen what happens to other idols, and they're fucking straight. We can’t. You know we can't.”
Jeongguk frowned in thought and turned the power of those big dark-brown eyes on him. “I know, but can’t we pretend? Please,” he begged.
Jimin’s defenses crumbled. They were made of cotton candy fluff anyway. They could pretend for now. Just for a little while, behind closed doors, right? With shaking hands, Jimin reached out, “You want me to put it on you?” Did I just really ask that? I shouldn’t do this, but it’s just make-believe, right?
After an assessing moment as if trying to determine if Jimin would take the ring away, Jeongguk handed over the box and stepped closer, so their shoulders were touching. His eyes were brimming with unshed tears.
When Jimin opened the box, he nearly dropped the ring. It’d jarred loose with all tossing about earlier. Luckily, this time he caught it, which made them both chuckle. He tossed the box toward his still open luggage on the floor and took Jeongguk’s hand. This was life changing, but then again, maybe it wasn't, because this was just pretend, right? He slid the ring home. It fit perfectly.
They both stared at his hand for a moment before their eyes met for a brief moment that lasted an eternity. Jeongguk leaned forward and kissed Jimin deeply, sucking and biting at his lips. He brought his hand to cup the back of Jimin’s head, not letting him escape, not that he wanted to. Jeongguk had moved them towards the bed. He hadn’t noticed until he was being pushed down onto it. Jeongguk was on top of him, before he started moving to his neck, biting and sucking at the juncture of his neck and shoulder.
“Jeongguk, marks,” Jimin tried to remind him with no heat. It was winter. Fuck it, he’d never been so thankful to have packed turtlenecks.
Jeongguk clearly wasn’t worried about his objection. A growl sounded close to his ear against his skin as he began to suck an even darker mark, which made Jimin moan and arch his body. He heard the low rumble of ‘mine’ just before he found himself pulled to a sitting position. Confusion reigned for a moment until his shirt was tugged off roughly. Jeongguk was back in a flash, working his mouth over Jimin’s collar bone. He sighed into the sensation while thinking that Jeongguk was his, at least for this moment. He may have lost his mind, but he wanted him however he could have him, even if it was make-believe.
Jeongguk gave every part he touched thorough attention. It was overwhelming in the best way. His ex, Daeyong, had never given him even a tenth of a percent of the attention he was now receiving. He wasn’t sure he would survive this. It wasn’t until Jeongguk was tugging at his sweatpants that he realized they needed to talk. He’d never bottomed before, but he knew there was preparation that needed to happen well in advance. And he sure as hell was not going to fuck Jeongguk while he was recovering from having that thing stuck.
He found himself tugging at Jeongguk’s hair, “baby, wait. Hold on.”
Jeongguk reluctantly paused and gave him his full attention, lips swollen and hair disheveled. He was a vision.
“I’ve never bottomed. I’m not…” he looked away from that intense gaze as he blushed out the next words, “clean enough to get fucked.” After he heard nothing, he looked back at the beautiful face he had loved for so long.
Jeongguk had his brows furrowed in confusion, “I know you don’t bottom. You’ve been very clear about that for years. You can fuck me.” He shrugged and started tugging at his sweats again.
Jimin stilled his hands with his own. “Baby, I am not fucking you, you need to heal still.”
"I'm fine, hyung. I promise." Jeongguk pouted.
Jimin closed his eyes. Why was he embarrassed to talk about this stuff? He needed to get it out there. He opened his eyes to stare into Jeongguk’s attentive eyes. “Actually, I…” he stopped again. Why is this hard? “I’ve only ever topped, because I never wanted to bottom for anyone but you.” He finished, barely breathing out, “I always imagined our first time with you fucking me.”
“Oh.” With large eyes Jeongguk stared. His mouth paused in a small ‘O’ shape. Jimin could see the wheels turning and didn’t want to interrupt him as he processed that new bit of information, but he melted at how adorable his expression was.
After what felt like an eternity, Jeongguk simply said, “I have ideas. Trust me, hyung.” He then felt the younger man’s large hands slide underneath Jimin’s sweatpants cupping his ass cheek. He shivered. Yes, Jimin did trust him. He had no idea what he was in for, but he would always trust Jeongguk.
The Morning After (Jimin’s POV)
Jimin woke in stages. His back was warm and strong arms surrounded him. He’d slept better than he had in a long while. It wasn’t the first time waking in Jeongguk’s arms, but it was the first time waking up with them completely naked. Holy shit. That really happened. He patted the large hand resting on his belly. The ring was there. He lay there marveling at it all. He hadn’t seen this coming. He wished it could be real, but his future was written in stone. He could pretend a little for now.
The prior night had been incredible.
Jeongguk had worshipped Jimin’s body, mouthing and caressing everywhere. He’d never felt so desired. Jimin’s prior experiences had been pathetic compared to how his night was with Jeongguk. After working him up until he thought he’d come just from having his mouth and hands on him, Jeongguk had flipped them and lined up their cocks. He’ll never forget the silky skin of Jeongguk’s hard shaft rubbing against his own, nor Jeongguk’s strong hand squeezing and moving just right. Jimin exploded after a few strokes. Jeongguk came only a stroke behind, covering Jimin in their cum.
Jeongguk had bragged about having no refractory period multiple times over the years, but they all had thought it’d been an exaggeration. It wasn’t. He could attest to that now. Jimin had thought that their first orgasms would have been it until Jeongguk had maneuvered him to his hands and knees. It was no secret to anyone that had eyes that Jimin adored being tossed around by the younger man, but nothing had prepared Jimin for the experience of having his thighs fucked. He’d known it was a thing. He’d read about it. Clearly, he’d not used his imagination properly. Feeling Jeongguk’s dick sliding against his rim and nosing at his balls from behind had them both moaning loudly. Just as he thought he might come, Jeongguk had pushed him face down onto the mattress and had come all over his ass. Before he’d had a moment to process the mess, Jeongguk had spun him over and attempted to suck his brain out of his dick. It had all been glorious-messy, but glorious. They’d barely cleaned up before passing out.
So much had happened in the last 24 hours. But it was the last 8 or so that had him having to remind himself that they couldn’t actually be together, couldn’t actually get married. Could they stay secretly engaged forever? That wouldn’t be fair to Jeongguk though. He needed to be free to find someone, maybe a nice girl, since he clearly liked both men and women. Maybe they could fool around just until they entered the military? By the time they were enlisted, Jeongguk would surely be bored of him. If anyone could remain friends after the things they'd done, he was sure they could do it. It would hurt later when Jeongguk found someone to settle down and build a family with, but that could be a future-Jimin’s problem. And who knew, maybe all of this could give him inspiration for songs.
The most pressing issue at the moment though was his bladder. He needed to untangle himself and take a leak badly. He tried to remove the arms from around his middle only for them to tighten, causing Jeongguk’s cock to slide up Jimin’s crack which led to his own cock getting hard again. How could he be getting it up again so soon? It’d been just a few hours since both had come last. What on earth had Jeongguk done to him? Finally, realizing he couldn't avoid waking him up, he said with a sleep roughened voice, “baby, if you don’t let me up, we are going to be getting into a type of play I’m not interested in.”
A sleepy, “what?” came from behind him. The younger man was apparently not awake enough to figure out what Jimin had meant. Not surprising, since he was never easily woken.
Jimin chuckled, “I need to take a piss, baby. Let me up.”
He released Jimin. Jeongguk pouted sleepily and mumbled, “You’re coming back, right?”
“Of course, baby. We should talk more, and then I need you to teach me how to prepare for bottoming.” Jimin told him as he strolled away from the bed towards the bathroom. He giggled after those words seemed to have the desired effect.
Jeongguk was suddenly very awake and sitting up in bed. Jimin could hear a soft, “Oh shit!” He figured Jeongguk was recalling everything from the night before.
After doing his business, he used a washcloth to wash any residual cum from his body. He looked at himself in the mirror. His chest was a mess of hickies. He really hoped they would heal before he had to do his next schedule. Oh well, if not, that is why they have makeup specialists. No one needed to know who gave them to him. Seeing the dark splotches on his skin gave him tingles. Not only from remembering how he got them, but because they made him feel like he belonged to Jeongguk. It was a marvelous feeling, even if it was make-believe.
Jeongguk was still sitting up in bed, staring at the ring on his finger in awe. Sunlight streamed from the window onto his face, forming a halo of light as if the universe was telling him, this one was his. Jimin’s heart skipped a beat at the sight. And seeing that ring on him was something he’d fantasized about often over the past couple of years. Everything felt dreamlike for a moment.
That dream shattered when Jeongguk’s entire expression contorted, sadness seeped into the way he held his body. He dropped his hands onto his lap. He still stared at the ring as his voice cracked, “I’ve wanted you for so long, hyung. Why don’t you want me?” He turned and frowned at Jimin as he asked, “Clearly you wanted what we did, but you don’t really want me , do you?”
A quick spike of pain lanced Jimin’s chest in response to Jeongguk’s uncertainty. Jimin quickly joined him on the bed and grasped the hand wearing the ring. He met Jeongguk’s wide brown eyes and told him, “I’m sorry, baby. I do want you. I love you, but it’s just not possible.” He felt the tears in his own eyes that were yet to fall, knowing it was inevitable
Jeongguk’s expression went through a myriad of emotions. “Why do you say that?” Without giving Jimin a chance to answer, he continued, “I mean, I know we can’t get married until after our service. But then we could do it in Hawaii or Laguna Beach in America… unless Korea finally gets its head out of its ass and legalizes same-sex marriage by then. Or we could just do a commitment ceremony here, but it wouldn't be legal. I’d really like it to be real. We could wait, I guess. I feel like they’ll legalize it in our lifetime, but it could be a long time. I really don’t want to wait. What if we’re old men by then?” Jeongguk’s expression and words were so earnest, which made what Jimin needed to say much harder. Jeongguk had vomited words like he was prone to doing when excited. It was endearing, as always, but not realistic.
Jimin crawled under the covers and laid his head against Jeongguk’s chest. “Baby, I love you. I’ve dreamed of marrying you for years. I’ve imagined just about every scenario in which we could marry and live a happy life, complete with kids and pets, but at the end of each daydream, I remembered that we are both idols. Even if it was legal, it would end our careers. Marriage certificates are public records. All it takes is one ARMY discovering it. Look, when our next contract is up, you can find some girl, settle down, and have a family. That’s not something a closeted gay idol can ever hope to have. You have to understand.”
“I’m not straight,” Jeongguk sulked and took a large breath before continuing.
“Clearly,” Jimin giggled. “I might have noticed last night.”
Jeongguk smacked Jimin’s chest, “But don’t you see, hyung? I’m not straight. I don’t want some girl. I want you. You know, we don’t always have to stay closeted. We could come out on purpose and help ‘pave the way’ for other LGBT people.”
Jimin was shocked. He sat back and thought about what to say to that. He needed him to understand the stakes. “Coming out is not something you do lightly. Why don’t you start with coming out to trusted friends or family for now. You aren’t out to your family, right? See how that goes before even considering something like coming out to the public, yeah?”
With a nervous look, Jeongguk answered, “Only you and Min-" he looked startled, like he realized he nearly revealed a name, "my friend knows. Not that I have a problem with anyone knowing,” he assured. “I just never told anyone, because the only guy I’ve wanted was you, but you don’t date, so I never said anything. It… I…” He looked away. “Hyung, I just couldn’t be in a one-night stand with you or be in a friends-with-benefits situation. That would kill me, so I kept quiet.”
Jimin massaged his own forehead and closed his eyes. Guilt. Jeongguk didn't want to be a one-night stand and here Jimin was not able to commit. They really should have talked before doing anything, but Jeongguk was always having hookups, so it never dawned on him he’d want something more than that. He opened his eyes to meet Jeongguk’s probing gaze. “I’m so sorry, Gguk. You know why I don’t date. I just can't. I’m sorry.” He hadn’t been able to make him understand, so it had to be said straight forward. He shouldn’t have let things escalate this far. He pulled away, steeling himself to be strong.
Jeongguk recoiled with hurt, “Wait. You… Oh.” He took a breath, as his face crumpled, “Hyung. I'm not like him. I'd never do anything to hurt you like that." He quickly stood up from the bed.
"Oh! What? It's not that. It's-" Before Jimin could explain, Jeongguk cut him off.
"This is my fault. I insisted on pretending.” He took a shuddering breath. Then his voice was soft as if only for himself. "I did this to myself." Jeongguk excused himself to the bathroom.
While he was gone, Jimin thought it over. He refused to think too deeply about how he’d just stomped all over Jeongguk’s heart. They needed to move past this. He had fucked up by caving the night before. It was best they stopped now that he understood where Jeongguk stood. He’d gotten lost in a daydream.
Jeongguk came back, looking more awake. He stepped close. “Here.” He slipped the ring from his finger and handed it carefully back to Jimin. Jeongguk was holding himself stiffly. “It’s best if we stop pretending now. If we take things further, it’ll… break me. I just can’t.” Tears were streaming down his golden cheeks. He roughly grabbed his shower things and left the room.
Jimin swore he heard his own heart rip into two with the shutting of the bathroom door. They were doing what they needed to protect their careers, so why did it hurt so much?
♫
On the drive to Jimin's parents' place for brunch, uncomfortable silence reigned. Jimin watched Jeongguk whose posture was tense, his face an impassive mask. I caused that. His eyes were drawn to Jeongguk's hand, remembering the ring there. His chest tightened. He couldn't get past the feeling that it belonged there, but what about their careers and that of everyone associated with Bangtan? The group consisted of more than the 7 of them. There was a whole crew and company behind them that depended on them. He wanted to be selfish, but the cost would be too great.
"We should talk about what happens next." Jimin startled at his own words. They'd slipped out before he'd given them permission to do so.
The derisive snort that floated across the car made Jeongguk's feelings clear. "What's there to talk about, hyung?" Jeongguk's shoulders tensed, and his hands tightened on the wheel, as if that could brace him for the coming conversation. “You’ve made your intentions clear.”
Jimin recoiled from the heat of the statement. Having this conversation was going to be difficult, but it was necessary. "We have to get past this." He gestured between the two of them. "I know you agree. We have to protect Bangtan... and, hopefully, our friendship."
The wheel creaked beneath his grip where the knuckles were turning white. He glared at Jimin before turning back to the road and continuing, "I’ll be okay. I'm just... having trouble letting go of the dream that was dangled in front of me and then snatched away." He huffed out a breath, clearly forcing his body to relax. "It's going to take me a bit, okay?" he sniped.
Fair. That was fair. He dragged his eyes from the younger man and gazed out the window. It was sunny and cold, still no snow in sight. Dread clenched his gut as he continued, needing to get this conversation over with. "Yeah," his own voice cracked. "Well, I've had time to get used to the idea that I’ll never have a happy ending. Daeyong made sure I was fully aware of the consequences." He blew out a breath, thinking. Jeongguk had never had that lesson though. He sagged for a moment. Mentioning his ex again so soon after having to talk about him the previous night had him shaking, before a terrifying thought had fear gripping his gut. "Gguk, how well do you know the guy you have the thing with?" The words burst out.
Jeongguk’s glance toward him was unreadable before he began maneuvering the car to a stop in an empty store parking lot. He shoved the car into park, glanced around for anyone who might have recognized them, and turned to Jimin. "Hyung. I haven't had a chance to talk with my friend to make sure I can reveal who he is yet, but I can assure you there isn't anything to worry about. He's an idol too. He'd have just as much to lose. Not to mention we’ve been doing this for over 3 years." Jimin’s hands were suddenly engulfed by Jeongguk's larger ones. The warmth and gentle touch was distracting, especially following the anger that had been directed at him all morning. It was whiplash. "He's not another Daeyong. I promise you. You've got nothing to worry about with him."
Jimin let out a stuttering breath. Jeongguk had seen right through him, to his fears. "Okay," he whispered. "Okay," this time a bit more firmly. "Sorry, I know you wouldn't endanger us all like I did."
"Hey,” Jeongguk squeezed his hands, “That was not your fault. That asshole was obsessed and stalked you!"
Jimin shook his hands out of Jeongguk's and pulled away, but strong, warm hands grabbed his cheek and made Jimin face him. Jimin refused to meet his eyes, ashamed.
"Look at me, hyung," Jeongguk's voice was firm, not to be toyed with.
Jimin responded to his unyielding command and met his gaze.
"You always see the good in people. It's one of the reasons I fell so hard for you." The rough thumb caressing his cheek was distracting. "What happened with him was not your fault." Jeongguk's unyielding voice brokered no argument. "I know you don't believe that, but I will keep telling you until someday you truly believe it." His head tilted and started leaning in as if going in for a kiss. Jimin closed his eyes, letting it happen, but the kiss didn't come. Instead, Jeongguk let go of his face. After a moment, he heard the car being put into gear before it pulled back onto the road.
The loss of his touch left Jimin feeling cold. He sat back, still not opening his eyes. This was going to be hard, so hard, for both of them. He jumped at Jeongguk’s next words, not having expected further discussion.
"I'd like to be able to talk to him about what happened. He already knows how I feel about you. He will know exactly who I'm talking about even if I'm trying to be vague. Would you be okay with him knowing about us? Um, I mean about what happened."
He knows? No, no, no! Jimin couldn't breathe, panic clenching him tight. He scowled at Jeongguk and gasped out, "He knows about me? How could you!" He couldn’t draw a breath. Air. He needed air. He clutched at his chest. First, his friends knew and now Jeongguk’s friend. He was going to lose everything.
Before he knew what was happening, Jeongguk had pulled over the car into a packed parking lot and was now facing Jimin. “Hey, hey. Look at me. Focus here,” he gestured to his own dark-chocolate brown eyes.
Jimin did as instructed, latching on to the help Jeongguk was providing.
“That’s it. Good. Now feel my hands.”
Jimin focused on the rough hands gripping his own. He nodded.
“Good. Now breathe with me. You can do this. I’ve got you. Breathe.”
Jimin followed along, breathing slowly in and slowly out, matching Jeongguk’s own breaths until long after the spots had receded and until Jimin’s rational brain reasserted itself. He let go of his hands and covered his face. “Sorry, I’m sorry.” It’d been years since he’d had a panic attack. Thankfully Jeongguk recognized what was happening immediately and had responded quickly. He’d learned how to help him years ago. Jimin hated that he’d needed the help. He hadn’t had a panic attack in so long, he’d almost forgotten it was a thing.
Jeongguk gave him a moment to compose himself.
Jimin appreciated that.
“I’m sorry, hyung. I know this is an intense topic, but I need you to understand. His hands pushed through his own hair, and he blew out a breath, “Look. Outside of our group, he's my best friend. He knew I was crushing on you before you even came out. I was young. I didn't understand consent or even that people knowing about sexuality could be dangerous back then. You hadn’t come out yet. Daeyong hadn't entered the picture. I felt alone at being the only guy I knew who was interested in guys. I would have talked to you about it, but it was you I wanted. You were my gay awakening-”
“You're not gay.” Jimin couldn’t keep himself from interrupting, while trying to keep the envy out of his voice, envy that Jeongguk could pass for straight and jealousy about the girls who got to be with him.
Jeongguk glared. “Fine, my bi awakening. Whatever. Anyway. I couldn't talk to you about it, so I talked to my friend about it... at length. And then you’d come out but was already with that asshole. I was so devastated. I had to cry to someone.”
Jimin studied Jeongguk, thinking back to when he'd been excited to reconnect with Daeyong and to explore his sexuality. Jeongguk had been a royal pain. The realization that Jeongguk’s behavior back then wasn't just about someone taking up his favorite hyung's time blew his mind. Jeongguk had been properly envious of Daeyong for being with Jimin. What a revelation. “Before then?” he mumbled to himself.
“What?” Confusion colored Jeongguk's voice.
“Sorry. It just hit me why you hated him when he hadn't done anything wrong… yet.” Jimin needed to reexamine their whole history. The fear was quickly trickling away. In its place it left behind exhaustion. The drop from having a panic attack was going to make him a zombie during family brunch. He needed to get himself together. If Jeongguk’s friend was going to say anything, he'd had ample time. He also had a pretty good inkling about who he was now after all that Jeongguk had just revealed.
“Yeah, he had you... I didn't.” Jeongguk's entire body drooped. “The worst was when you had sex for the first time. You were so excited. I tried to be excited for you, but I don't think I succeeded. I'm sure you noticed.”
Jimin couldn’t help himself. He needed to touch him, so he entwined their fingers as if he could comfort the younger heartbroken Jeongguk… and maybe the current heartbroken one too. Distance would probably be best, but they’d always been like this. He didn’t want to give that up, so he wouldn’t. He recalled back then how they'd argued. Jeongguk had told him he shouldn't have rushed into it and that he should have waited for someone he was in love with. Jimin had told him he was being a baby about it and that they were all too young to be looking for love. “Yeah, our argument was spectacular over that one. You ended up being right, though.”
“About...?” Jeongguk furrowed his brows in confusion.
He didn’t fight himself this time as he used his fingers to smooth the lines of Jeongguk’s forehead. He studied the man who’d just walked him through a panic attack like it was nothing, a man who he should have had his first time with, someone who now had been in love with him for nearly a decade. There was still so much he needed to think about, but one thing was absolutely clear, he truly regretted not having Jeongguk as his first. “I should've waited for someone I loved.” Jimin’s regret filtered into the tone of his voice, and he let his eyes say it should have been you .
Jeongguk’s mouth opened in surprise. “Wait. I said that? Geez, I was a hopeless romantic, huh?” He let out a self-deprecating chuckle. “And apparently a hypocrite. I fucked the first girl I could after that. I really hated being seen as a little kid, especially by you. I figured losing my virginity would get you to see me differently.” He trailed off, lost in thought for a moment. Before Jimin could say anything about it, he shook himself and released Jimin’s hand. “We should hurry. They're waiting on us.” He turned and prepared to get back on the road, but paused to ask, with eyes wide, pleading, “So can I talk with him? I really need to talk to someone.”
“Yeah. You can. I'm probably going to need to talk to someone too,” he uttered thinking of the therapist he used to see right after what happened then. Did he still have her number?
“That's a good idea. I trust whoever you choose, hyung. You have my permission to talk with whoever you need.”
“You have truly grown into a wonderful man, Gguk-ah.” Jimin sighed wistfully, fully wishing things had turned out differently.
Jeongguk snorted. “I'd hardly call me that. Who's the one who had to be rescued from a sex toy?”
They both chuckled, the question breaking the tense, serious mood that had fallen.
“Okay, I think it's safe to drive now.” Jimin gestured towards the steering wheel. “What I was going to say before we got sidetracked is that we need to spend more time together, so we can move past this awkwardness. I don't have a lot of free time, and you won't either once you start your solo stuff-”
“I would need to write actual songs first,” Jeongguk grumbled. His pouting lips were deadly.
Jimin stared at those lips, wanting to kiss the pout from them. He physically shook himself and focused. That kind of thinking will get them in trouble. He’d hurt Jeongguk enough. He wanted to help him, so he suggested, "You could always look at available songs others have written or hit up Yoongi-hyung."
Jeongguk’s pout intensified. “I want to do it myself. I’ve been trying but nothing will come to me. It's so freaking frustrating.”
Keeping his hands to himself was proving to be incredibly difficult, so Jimin clutched his pants to keep from reaching out and smoothing the younger man’s brow again. He forced himself back to the conversation. “I still think you should look for songs. At least one to get the ball rolling. You’re running out of time. But anyway, as I was saying before we went on this tangent," Jimin glared. “You know the best way to get past weirdness is to spend time together. Remember that time Tae convinced us all to watch porn and jerk-off?"
Jeongguk flinched. “Oh. My. God. That was so weird. I remember you and Taehyungie-hyung arguing over what we were going to watch. He wanted lesbian porn. You wanted gay porn.” Jeongguk's laughter filled the car, a much more welcome sound than before.
“Yeah. You were the smart one who suggested one that had both a guy and a girl giving head. Win-win.” Jimin found he'd let Jeongguk distract him from his point once again. “Anyway, we should spend more time together doing normal things like we used to do. It'll help us get over this.”
Jeongguk’s brow furrowed, and a frown graced his beautiful lips. He stared at Jimin until he started squirming. Was he going to say no? Jimin was about to ask when he began speaking. “Okay. You're the one with the super packed schedule right now, just let me know when and we can like watch a movie and order in or something.”
“I'll send my schedule to you.” He could hear the relief in his own voice. Maybe things would be okay.
♫
Unbeknownst to the two idols who were focused on each other, in one car over sat a very invested ex who’d been snapping pictures. When their car pulled out onto the road, so did his.
Chapter 2: Self-Reflection During Spring and Summer
Summary:
This chapter follows Jimin and Jeongguk along their journey of self-discovery, understanding, and reconnecting after the events that split them apart.
Chapter Text
Journey of Self-Discovery (Jeongguk’s POV)
Once back in Seoul, Jeongguk invited his friend, Mingyu, over. He needed to talk about everything... well not quite everything. There was no way in hell he was going to tell him about the dildo incident. That was something he planned to take to his grave. It mattered not at all that the man had watched him fucking the thing.That was just something he had no business ever knowing.
Jeongguk began his recall when he found the engagement ring in Jimin's luggage. He didn’t hold back, only leaving out details that would lead to questions about his unfortunate need to be rescued.
He finished quietly about the long, uncomfortable drive home to Seoul, where not much had been said.
Frustration laced his voice. "You know, I preferred it when I thought he saw me only as a little brother. Knowing he has feelings for me and still refuses to be with me is so much worse.” He sagged, defeated and sighed deeply, because Jimin was right about one thing. “No matter what goes on, we can’t let it affect Bangtan. Never again. Not after almost breaking up Bangtan because of me and Taehyungie-hyung being all burnt out."
“Gguk-" Mingyu began, likely about to tell him the same thing he's told him time and again, but Jeongguk needed to get this out.
"I know. I know. I just don't know how to deal with this. I almost had everything I’ve ever wanted. Touching him. Feeling him. Being with him. I just can’t put the connection we had that night into words. I've never felt anything like it." His own sniffle caught him unaware. He hadn't realized he'd started crying. He crumpled in upon himself. "Fuck. I've done everything I can to be what he wants.” A sob escaped without him being able to hold it back. Anger spiked at his own display of emotion. He growled out, “Well, I guess I fucking succeeded, but what does it matter? He has his mind set to be single forever. He thinks he’s not worthy or some shit.” He roughly wiped away the moisture from his cheeks. A wet chuckle escaped as he said, “especially since he wants to spend time together to get past this .” The last three words were mimed by his fingers doing air quotes. His arms dropped in defeat. “I just don’t think I can right now. I feel like my heart is trying to cut its way out of my chest.”
“Are you sure he won't change his mind?” Mingyu queried, quirking a brow.
“You know him. I’ve known him for over a decade. I just don’t think it’s possible to change his mind when he gets like this. It has to come from inside himself. Good fucking luck to me…” He trailed off, staring off, lost in his own memory.
“What about being friends with benefits?” Mingyu suggested.
Mingyu’s words brought him back to the present. Jeongguk cocked an eyebrow at him. “You do know me, right? Do you realistically think I can do that? With him ?”
“Well, I mean, you and I do our thing.” Mingyu sounded puzzled.
“Not the same and you know it.” Jeongguk’s irritation flared. Seriously. Did he honestly think that after all these years?
“You’re right. Forget I asked. Gguk, I know you don’t want to hear it, but maybe you need to move on like he suggested, figure out how to be you when you're not trying to be what Jimin wants."
Jeongguk bristled. Everything Mingyu was saying was grating on Jeongguk’s last nerve, which probably meant he was right. He hated that about him sometimes. He was a great friend who had no problem telling him what he needed to hear, he was hating everything about this conversation. "I know who I am." He scowled.
"I'm not sure you do. With every decision you've made, you’ve considered what Jimin would want before you made it. You know you have. You need to start living for yourself."
Jeongguk sagged into the couch feeling heartsick. He’s right. Fuck, he’s right.
♫
A few months had passed and Jeongguk was wearing himself thin preparing for his own solo activities. Jimin’s solo activities were currently in full swing. The group had planned out everything, so ARMY were always getting something new. They’d already changed it around for Jeongguk, since he’d put off his solo activities for too long, wanting to write his own stuff. Jimin had been right about finding songs. Choosing one song had led to finding more. Standing Next to You was an unexpected offer. While recording Seven, the producer showed it to him. Of course, he was still filling the song roster, but he could feel that that one song was going to be huge. He couldn’t wait to show ARMY, especially with the people he found to be his backup dancers. They were the best choreographers and dancers in the business. He felt invigorated to have some of his own boyhood idols on his Golden team. He was having the time of his life preparing for the imminent release of Seven. On the stage is where he thrived, where he felt closest to ARMY, so at least that part of his life was lifing.
Even though Jeongguk had tried to make himself scarce to focus on himself, Jimin was everywhere. He was unavoidable. Jeongguk had stopped responding in his one-on-one chat with Jimin unless it was work related. Of course, he had noticed the distancing immediately. Jeongguk had found himself being stopped in the hall at their workplace by Jimin. He tried to invite the younger man for lunch or a workout, but each time Jeongguk had claimed he had to work or that he had to get ready for a date. He made sure to have no time for Jimin. Nothing he told was a lie, per se. It just wasn’t the whole truth.
Jimin had resorted to teasing Jeongguk on his livestreams. Jeongguk, inhibited by drinking, found himself watching Jimin’s performances and indulging in the much missed banter, but then he would berate himself once he sobered up time and again.
Jeongguk was telling himself he was choosing sexy photoshoots and songs by himself and only for himself, disregarding the little voice in the back of his head every time it popped up asking if Jimin would like it. He got a thrill from showing some of the steamier shots in the group chat. Jimin never failed to hype them. He ignored the flutter in his chest with each response. He assured himself he was only sharing to get feedback from his members about whether he was on the right track.
He was trying to move on, honestly, he really was. He had to keep reminding himself that he had to learn to live his life without considering Jimin at every turn, but he had been finding it annoyingly difficult.
Part of his plan to disentangle his heart involved hooking up, a lot. He’d been somewhat active before the pandemic, before it’d become a thing of the past due to the enforced isolation. It was then he’d started his thing with Mingyu. It’d been a much-needed outlet for both of them. Their arrangement had been more than good enough for him… or at least it had been until Seollal. He’d not been with anyone, physically, for years before Jimin had broken that dry spell, and now Jeongguk wanted all of him.
Jimin didn’t feel the same or they would be together now. His life felt divided into before and after. Before Seollal and After Seollal. Before, he’d been focused on becoming everything Jimin could want, but now he felt helpless, because it was all literally out of his hands. It didn’t matter what he did. The ball was in Jimin’s court. Actually a better analogy would be, the ball went into the woods and couldn’t be found. He felt adrift.
After Seollal, Jeongguk had briefly considered bringing up the friends-with-benefits idea with Jimin. He’d seemed open to that before Jeongguk had set his boundaries. But deep down he knew his heart was in too deep. It would be a terrible idea. He wanted the whole dream, the stupid hopeless romantic that he was.
He was certain most of it stemmed from Jimin being scared. That asshole, Kang Daeyong, was still fucking with his hyung’s head years later and fucking with Jeongguk’s life as a result. So now, Jeongguk found himself trying to pull his heart out of Jimin’s grasp by hooking up… a lot.
After a few weeks had passed, Mingyu had pointed out that Jeongguk was picking girls that reminded him of Jimin in some way, their lips, hips, eyes, voice, stature... After giving it some thought, he was shocked to find out he’d always done that. Maybe it shouldn’t have been a surprise, but once he’d been made aware of it, he changed course and started pursuing girls that were nothing like Jimin.
It was then he ran into the problem. He couldn’t get hard unless he closed his eyes and remembered being with him. He really hoped the right person would come along and break the spell that held him in its grasp.
The next time that Jeongguk and Mingyu were able to meet up, Jeongguk had mentioned his frustrating problem. He hadn’t intended to mention it, but a few drinks in and the words were falling from his mouth before he could stop himself.
Mingyu cocked his head and uttered the big question that Jeongguk was in no way prepared for. “Gguk, are you gay?”
Jeongguk startled into stillness, body and mind. “What?” was all he could manage.
“Are you gay?” When he received no answer, Mingyu continued. “Typically, it’s a yes or no question.” After Jeongguk didn’t answer, Mingyu continued, “if you’ve always thought of a guy to keep it hard… Is it that you’re not really into girls?”
“I… uh… no?” Smooth Jeongguk. Smooth. Why was it such a hard question? He liked them alright. They just weren’t Jimin. “I’ve been with plenty of girls.”
“And just how many of them did you fuck while thinking about him, hmm?”
Jeongguk felt caught and could feel the heat radiating from his face and ears. Okay, if it was fucking with him as much as this, maybe Mingyu was onto something, but he wasn’t ready to face that just yet. He wasn’t sure why the thought of being gay instead of bi was such a big deal. Once he’d accepted his attraction to Jimin years ago, something had settled inside of himself, and he’d not thought to question it further. He’d shrugged and gone on with his life. He’d figured it was what ARMY called being Jimin-sexual. Of course, he thought girls were pretty and everyone around him had talked about how awesome it was to be with them, so he just figured he wanted them too.
He didn’t want to think about such life changing things right then though. He just wanted to forget and rail himself into oblivion for the moment. Future-Jeongguk could think about it later, so to Mingyu, he growled, “Just shut up and pick the toy you want me to use.”
Blissfully, Mingyu let it drop.
An Opening? (Jimin’s POV)
Jimin was worried about Jeongguk. He was ‘busy’ every time Jimin wanted to arrange a time to hang out. Their messages were cordial, professional even. It was like a totally different person he was communicating with. Gone was his best friend. When they recorded group content together, they kept it cordial. Everything was fucking cordial, and Jimin had had about enough of keeping things professional and cordial. He was anxious to hang out and get comfortable again. He wanted it to be like before he bought that damn ring.
He still couldn’t believe everything that had gone down at Seollal. Burned into his mind’s eye was Jeongguk staring wistfully at the ring on his hand. Don’t get him wrong, images of all the things they’d done were there as well, but the wonder etched onto his face while he looked at his hand had the starring role, making his heart clench.
It was a bittersweet memory he would cherish forever.
Jimin’s schedule was packed full, but he would gladly move it all about if Jeongguk would just tell him when he was free. Jeongguk was dating now and rubbing it in, likely lashing out because he was hurt. Well, Jimin was hurting too, and hearing about Jeongguk’s dates was eviscerating.
Jimin shouldn’t complain though. It’s what he himself had insisted Jeongguk do. This was what was expected, and now Jeongguk wouldn’t have to worry about getting outed and destroying the careers of their whole team. A dating scandal with a girl would be nothing compared to what would happen if the world found out he was with Jimin.
Jimin wanted to be recognized and loved for his hard work and creativity, not ridiculed and hated for his sexuality, and that is exactly what would happen if anyone found out. He couldn’t risk destroying everything.
Even so, he missed Jeongguk desperately. In his limited free time Jimin watched Jeongguk’s live streams and replayed them time and again, trying to feel close to the man he loved. He felt pathetic, but such was his life. Confessing his feelings had been a colossal mistake. Giving him the ring was the pinnacle of stupidity. He lamented that he hadn’t let him think the ring was for someone else. At least then their friendship wouldn’t be in tatters. He wasn’t sure what to do now.
At any free moment, his mind walked the memories of their past. They’d weathered so much over the years. You can’t be in an idol group for over a decade and not have been through some of the most grueling events, like the time Jeongguk collapsed in Chile. That time, he’d been certain he was going to lose him. He’d pushed himself well beyond his limits. Then there was the time he’d cut his foot while practicing. Recalling Jeongguk getting stitches still made him wince. Jeongguk had been devastated when he couldn’t perform for most of that leg of the tour. Jimin had done everything he could to make him feel included and cared for. How could he not?
Of course, it wasn’t as if Jeongguk hadn’t returned the favor. Time and again, he’d stuck by him and comforted him when he struggled. Jimin’s darkest time was after the debacle with his ex. His poor choice of boyfriend had nearly destroyed the group. After the situation had been resolved, and Daeyong had been charged with stalking, Jimin had been in a very bad place emotionally. He had let comments about his weight get to him, and he started strictly restricting his food intake. He’d go days eating only a few pieces of fruit. He’d lie to everyone, telling them he’d already eaten to get out of dinner or lunch. A couple of times he’d passed out while practicing choreography alone. It wasn’t until he passed out at a fan sign event that the members had caught on. He’d lost too much weight. He could admit how unhealthy that had been now, but back then, he just couldn’t get his face or fingers thin enough to stop the hateful comments. Even after everyone caught on, he’d not realized how detrimental his actions had been until Jeongguk had glued himself to Jimin and would only eat what Jimin ate. He had been forced to see that what he’d been doing to himself was not safe or healthy. He’d endangered the group once again, but Jeongguk had saved him by staying by his side.
His stomach was a mess. Had he destroyed their friendship beyond repair this time? His fear was starting to affect his work.
♫
“Jimin. What’s going on? You’re distracted again. This isn’t like you.” His producer, Kang Hyowon who was better known as Pdogg, chided him.
“Sorry, hyung-nim. I’m just having an off day.”
“Bull shit. You’ve been having an off day since Seollal. What happened, hmm? I thought you guys getting away together would help, but it’s only made things worse. Your focus is way off, and you can’t be like this right now. Talk to me. What happened?” His stare was intense.
Jimin hesitated. Hyowon was one of the few people at the company that was there when the thing with his ex went down. He knew about Jimin’s sexuality and was accepting, yet he couldn’t bring himself to talk about it even though they were alone. “It’s… I’m not sure what to say,” he finally began, but halted, his brain a jumble.
“Jimin, you need to talk about it if it’s affecting your work to this extent. If not with me, then with someone.” He paused for a moment. “Look, if it’s about what I think it is, then there aren’t too many people you can talk about it with.” He looked to make sure the door was locked. “Talk to me. You know it won’t go any farther than this room.”
Jimin gave it more thought. He was right. He needed to talk about this. Jeongguk had known he would need to talk to someone at some point. “Something happened…” He trailed off, not sure how to say what was needed without disrespecting Jeongguk’s privacy even though he’d given him permission to speak. But speaking to their senior producer might be pushing it a bit too far. “Something happened between me and someone I care for.” He was trying to leave it as vague as possible. He stopped, because he really didn’t know how to do this.
“Between you and Jeongguk? That much is obvious.” Hyowon snorted, then chuckled.
How did he know? “Obvious how?” Jimin squeaked.
“Jimin. You literally drove to Busan with him. He seems the likely suspect.”
Hyowon didn’t seem upset in any way, so Jimin relaxed a little, but he could still feel tightness in his chest. “Oh. Yeah. Sorry. Just. I don’t know how to say this. I mean he said I could talk to whoever I wanted, but this feels weird.”
“Look, if this helps... Son Sungdeuk, Bang Sihyuk, and I have known you boys since before you two met. We’ve watched you both skirt around your feelings for each other for nearly a decade. We’ve been waiting for you two to figure out how you feel about each other forever. Please tell me you guys finally talked about your feelings.”
Jimin reeled at that bomb of information. “What?” was all he could utter as he started to lose focus. He grasped at his chest as tightness tried to take over and focused on his breathing. He would not let another panic attack happen. Nothing bad would happen. His Hyowon-hyung knew about everything that had happened already, including his panic attacks.
Hyowon stood in readiness to help him if needed. Once Jimin was able to calm down, he asked, “You good there?” At Jimin’s eventual nod, Hyowon continued, “I take it you finally talked. Are you guys together now? That would be awesome, but you guys can’t be letting it distract you and you need to make sure management knows so they can help keep it secret.” He seemed so upbeat and happy about the thought.
Jimin was baffled at the revelation that so many leaders of their company had just been waiting for them to get together. It made no sense to him. Had they really been that obvious? He realized he hadn’t answered the question yet, but thankfully Hyowon hadn’t pressed and allowed Jimin to process. Jimin was thankful to be allowed the time he needed to think when it came to his personal stuff. Finally “No. I mean, yeah. We talked, but no. We’re not together. We can’t be. Why would you think that? Why would any of you think that?” Jimin was thoroughly confused and, not to mention, anxious about the whole thing. Seriously. Why would he think that was awesome ? It would be the opposite of that.
Hyowon’s smile dropped, and his calculating gaze fell on Jimin, studying him before he asked, “You two finally talked about how you feel, but you’re not together?” At Jimin’s slow nod, he continued with a frustrated scowl, “Why the hell not?”
A spike of anger pierced Jimin’s chest. “Why the hell not? Why the hell not? Why do you think, hyung-nim?” He couldn’t help but still be respectful, even though he should know very well why not.
Hyowon’s darkened gaze drilled into Jimin. “Does he not want to be with a man? I know there’s no way he isn’t in love with you. He never struck me as homophobic. Surely that’s not it.”
“Of course not! I just don’t understand why you talk like we could be together.” Jimin slung the words at him. He needed to know.
“What the hell? Of course, you can be together. Wait. It’s you, isn’t it? Is this because of what happened with Daeyong? I thought you moved past that. You know Jeongguk would never be like that, right?” His gaze softened as he spoke.
Jimin stepped back as if he’d been struck. Was that it? No. That couldn’t be it. Right? Maybe. Partly. He’d think about that later. He pulled in air to calm himself. This conversation was going nothing like he expected. He needed to explain, to give him the full picture. “Look. Even if I felt comfortable being in a relationship, he wants to be together openly, hyung-nim. Out to everyone.” He muttered and turned away, wiping at tears that had sprung into his eyes without permission. He hadn’t meant to cry, but he was feeling such big feelings.
“That’s… That is not what I expected. That would have serious ramifications. It would need to be handled very delicately. Did he say why he’s insisting on that?”
“No. We didn’t get that far. For him it was that or nothing…” Now that he’d had a moment to think, he had to admit the truth, “but honestly, I think I’ve… convinced myself I’m not allowed to be with anyone, so I wasn’t open to talking then… and now he won’t talk to me or see me. I mean he responds if it’s work related, but otherwise... I’ve lost my best friend, and I don’t know what to do.” He dropped into his chair as if he was a marionette that had found its strings suddenly cut and let his head fall into his hands, sobbing. He was definitely not getting any more work done this afternoon.
Silence descended. He was lost, drifting, losing focus. He didn’t know what to do.
Hyowon broke the silence. “I might know a way to get him to talk to you, but you got to do the work. Finding out his reasons would be a good start. Relationships of all kinds need communication and compromise, but you should know that by now.”
“How? Like literally how? I’ve tried everything I can think of.”
“Remember how I’ve been bugging you to get a new vocal coach? I can ask him to help you. You said he will talk to you about work stuff, so I’ll give you a work excuse. I know he’s already offered to help before.”
“You think that still stands? He was really hurt. You think it’ll work?”
“If you don’t try, you’ll never know. Before you meet him, you need to give yourself some time to figure out what you really want. You deserve to be happy Jimin. You both do. We’ll support whatever you guys decide.”
“How can you say that? You can’t speak for others at the company.”
“We talked about this years ago, Jimin.”
Unsaid was that that conversation had happened because of his ex. Jimin had had to come out to them when he needed help then. A combination of guilt and appreciation rose in him. “But he wants to come out to the world. We can’t do that. That would be suicide to our careers.”
“Not necessarily, not if it’s handled correctly.”
Jimin couldn’t believe what he was hearing. If he heard this from anyone else, he wouldn’t believe it. Was it really possible? What would happen to all his hard work? Could they really survive something like that?
♫
Jimin’s 1st solo album, Face, was coming out shortly. Jimin was busy busy busy, which helped to keep his mind off Jeongguk’s radio silence most of the time. It hurt, but he couldn’t afford to give himself time to entertain it. His schedule was packed solid, and Jimin had stopped trying to get Jeongguk to join him for anything. Any spare moments were dedicated to song writing for his 2nd album and vocal lessons. After Seollal, he’d started from the ground up with lessons, getting back to basics. Jimin had quickly progressed to the point where he couldn’t seem to improve further. Jeongguk had hounded him for years with offers to help, but that was before . The recent disconnect between them made him believe that offer was likely rescinded. Hyowon hadn’t contacted him yet, so he spent every free moment considering what they had discussed. He was terrified and not wholly convinced that what Jeongguk wanted was possible. What could they gain from coming out, except being shunned by Network Outlets and being dropped from brand ambassadorships? And that is even if ARMY sticks by their sides.
He rarely missed watching Jeongguk’s live streams, pretending the younger man was flirting with just him. Flirty Jeongguk fed into his delusion on a deep level, especially on White Day. Jeongguk had done multiple live streams back-to-back, while changing into date attire. He hadn’t noticed he’d not gone on a date that night. He’d also stopped mentioning the girls. It was probably because Jimin stopped trying to get him to do things with him.
He was losing too much sleep thinking about how he wanted to be with Jeongguk and telling himself being with him wasn't realistic, no matter what anyone said. They had too much at stake. He needed to focus on his album release first and foremost. After the bulk of his promotions were over, he decided he would corner Jeongguk then and ensure they hang out more. It was the only realistic solution. They would get past this and be normal around each other again. It worked before when they were on their second tour.
They weren’t allowed to date back then. They were all young men who were horny and stressed, so some of them had decided to watch porn and jerk off. The few days following that night had been weird, but time passed. They’d all hung out and acted like nothing had happened. Eventually, they were all fine and it was just a blip in their history now that they could joke about.
When Hyowon insisted he could arrange lessons with Jeongguk, Jimin had been utterly relieved. It had turned out to be a good move, since Jimin eventually received a single text message from Jeongguk asking when he’d like to meet. Jimin could kiss Hyowon with how thankful he’d felt. Even though he was swamped, he would move everything around to make this work.
♫
That’s how Jimin found himself wiggling nervously outside Jeongguk’s door. He’d looked for an outfit that would not be too revealing but would still look good, but he couldn’t find the shirt he had wanted and had to settle on another. He couldn’t even find his second favorite option either. It was frustrating, since this wasn’t the first time in the last couple months that he’d misplaced his things. He only had himself to blame. He was certain he’d find all the missing items when he started packing up his apartment just before starting his military service, but for now he tucked and untucked his top, trying to figure out which looked best. He should’t worry about it. It was just Jeongguk, and he’d seen him in every conceivable look. He forced himself to stop fidgeting. Jeongguk had insisted on doing this in his own place. He’d thought, especially with how distant Jeongguk had been since the incident, that he would have insisted on using one of the studios at the Hybe building. He’d brought Jeongguk’s favorite snacks as a form of payment for his help. He was going to keep this friendly. No discussion about what happened.
Jeongguk opened the door. He was covered in sweat and was missing his shirt.
Jimin gulped and felt his pulse pick up. How the hell was he supposed to not let his mind go there when faced with this. Focus on his face. Focus on his face.
“Sorry, hyung. I forgot we were doing this. I was just working out. I have another photoshoot tomorrow, and gotta get more definition here.” He pointed to his obliques, drawing Jimin’s eyes downward.
So much for focusing on his face. He’s out to kill me, Jimin thought. That’s all there is to it. With his brain barely holding onto sanity, he opened his mouth to say something, anything. “Gguk, if you get any more definition, I’m going to be a puddle at your feet.” His eyes widened and he slapped his free hand over his mouth. He was supposed to be avoiding that. He bowed in apology. “Sorry. Sorry. Um.” He looked down the hall. “I can come back another time. You’re busy. Let me see when I can be free…” He pulled out his phone, intent on pulling up his schedule. It was going to be difficult with it being days away from his album drop. Maybe he should’ve done this after he’d gotten through all his promotions.
“No. No. You’re already here. Come on in. I’ll shower quickly, and we can get started if you don’t mind the slight delay. You could be warming up if you haven’t already.”
It took Jimin a moment to realize Jeongguk was waiting for him to come inside. He startled into motion and entered the apartment. Jeongguk left him to go shower. Jimin pulled off his jacket and slipped out of his shoes. He dropped the snacks on the coffee table and sat on the couch. The worn leather of the old dorm sofa was calming, familiar. He smiled at the evidence of their maknae’s personality quirk. No one had wanted the old furniture when they’d all moved into their own places, no one except Jeongguk, of course. He was having a place built that would be furnished with all new things, but his temporary place needed furniture, so he took the couch and a few other items from the dorm. They’d spent many nights gaming, watching anime, and just talking while cuddled up on this very couch. He’d often lay awake after Jeongguk had fallen asleep, just running his fingers through his hair while watching him sleep. He’d slowly fallen in love with him on this couch.
He shook himself out of those thoughts. He needed to get his head on straight and start warming up his voice. He’d just finished when Jeongguk walked out of his room, hair still wet, but thankfully fully clothed. Nothing to drool over. He’d be able to focus. A grateful sigh slipped from his lips, unbidden.
“Sorry to keep you waiting, hyung. I heard you warming up. That’s good. I learned a new method for warming up recently. It’s helped with my throat too. I can show you.”
“Oh. That straw thing I saw you talk about?”
Jeongguk looked confused for a moment, his nose scrunching adorably in thought. “When was that?”
“On one of your live streams.”
“Oh. I didn’t realize I mentioned it, but yeah. Did I demonstrate it too? I don’t remember.”
“A little.” Jimin was relieved they were jumping right into normal banter. He wasn’t sure what he’d expected, especially after being greeted at the door by a shirtless, sweaty Jeongguk, but he was very relieved to be talking about normal things. Hopefully, this was the beginning of being able to move forward and recover.
During a break for water, they were discussing Jimin’s album and his voice.
“Your voice has really improved. I can hear how much you’ve worked on it.”
“Thanks, Gguk-ah. I find myself singing as often as I can, maybe not as much as I’ve always heard you do it, but I definitely sing a lot more now.”
“Good. That’s good. I can think of a few small things to help you tweak your voice, but I’m not sure I’m the best one to do this. I was really surprised when Hyowon PD hyung-nim suggested it.”
“I’ve gone through three different voice teachers in the last year. Maybe this is as good as my voice will get. He believes otherwise, which is why he suggested it, I guess. I’m thankful you are willing to help.”
Jeongguk sighed, “Of course I’m willing to help. I’ve offered before.”
“I know, but you’ve been… um… unavailable since we came back from Busan, so I wasn’t sure if the offer still stood. Hyowon PD hyung-nim kept hounding me to ask, but you didn’t respond to my messages and haven’t been answering your phone.” His eyes widened. “But that’s okay. Totally understandable. You’re hurting.” Wincing, he looked to see Jeongguk’s response to him breaking the unspoken agreement not to talk about it.
He was looking out the window, a thoughtful look on his face. Just before Jimin was about to fill the quiet and probably stick his foot further into his mouth, Jeongguk sighed and then focused on Jimin. “Yeah, but that’s no excuse for ignoring you. This was work related, and I’ve been ghosting you. I’m sorry about that. That’s inexcusable. We had a promise.”
“You didn’t break the promise, Gguk-ah.” He hesitantly reached out towards Jeongguk’s hand, unsure if the touch would be welcome. When he didn’t recoil, he patted his hand and said, “We’ll be okay.”
The look Jeongguk gave him was full of relief but also tinged with a little sadness. The mood in the room relaxed by degrees, and they settled into practice.
Before Jimin left that night, he’d encouraged Jeongguk to continue looking for more songs and praised him for the hard work he’d been doing. If they couldn’t be together, the least he could do is be a proper hyung to him. As he walked away from Jeongguk’s apartment, he sagged in relief and sadness. He wasn’t sure they could ever be as close as they were before, but they could work together. He’d worked so hard on his career for a decade. It’d been his sole purpose for so long. As long as that was unaffected, he should be happy, right? So why wasn’t he?
Return to Normal? (Jimin’s POV)
Jimin had been right to a degree. Being forced to be together had brought back a sense of normality. Their friendship was getting there. Thankfully, there were no whole group activities right now, because any of the other members would have realized something was up. He did not want to explain any of this to the others right now.
Currently, Jimin was in the practice room. He and his team were recording the dance practice for Like Crazy. He was monitoring the recording to see if it was good enough, when he noticed his phone light up with a notification. Jeongguk. Fuck. I forgot to FaceTime him at lunch. He’d have to contact him momentarily. Distracted, he’d asked to have them play the recording back again. It was good enough, so he called it a day to the relieved shouts and groans of the dancers and other crew. Okay, maybe he’d been pushing them too hard. It’ll never be perfect, but he can’t help pushing towards perfection.
When he checked his phone, there were two text messages asking when they were going to eat. They. He couldn’t believe Jeongguk was doing this to him again. He was nowhere near as bad as years ago, but two weeks prior, Jimin had mentioned during their vocal lesson that he hadn’t eaten yet and couldn’t remember if he’d eaten the day before. He’d realized once the words were out of his mouth that he should not have told him that. Jeongguk’s face had darkened before he declared he would make sure he ate at least once a day.
Jimin had argued it wouldn’t work. They no longer lived in the same dorm, nor did they have more than the occasional schedule with each other for lessons.
Jimin had underestimated Jeongguk’s determination. Again, just as he had all those years ago. Jeongguk wouldn’t eat unless Jimin was with him in person or on video call. He ate what Jimin ate or something with equivalent calories. The man was determined.
Jimin wouldn’t admit he was feeling better and less cranky towards his team. In fact, he’d had lunch earlier with them when they’d insisted. He’d just forgotten to let Jeongguk know. Jeongguk who was waiting to eat. Fuck. He quickly messaged the younger man, letting him know that he ate with the others.
Predictably, he wasn’t believed. Shit. He was going to have to eat another meal just to make sure Jeongguk didn’t go without. He wanted nothing more than to just go pass out with how tired he was. Preparing for his Music Bank appearances was grueling, but Jeongguk was stubborn enough to not eat. He had no choice.
He ordered food for delivery and called a car. He invited Jeongguk to his place for dinner and let him know he ordered his favorite chicken.
With a grimace at his sweat soaked shirt, he considered whether to skip the shower at work or take one at home. Home. Definitely. His shower was miles better than the Hybe gym.
Later at home, after a glorious shower, he was lost in thought as he headed down the hallway towards his bedroom with just a towel slung low around his narrow hips. He’d been distracted going over things he wanted to work on the next day when he nearly collided bodily against Jeongguk.
“Gguk, when did you get here?” He hastily stuttered out in surprise. He quickly grasped his towel to keep it from dropping as he felt it start to slip. It isn’t like they didn’t know each other’s bodies intimately, but they couldn’t be like that. Not anymore.
Jeongguk stood there, mouth hanging open as if in the middle of saying something, but nothing was coming out. His eyes were firmly on where Jimin’s hand was holding the towel securely.
Jimin’s face heated as he felt his cock twitch at the attention. Shocked at his body’s response, he dashed into his room, saying “Give me a sec.”
He scooped the clothes he’d meant to take into the bathroom with him earlier, and dressed quickly, all while trying to will away his half chub. Fucking traitorous dick. Unbidden images of Jeongguk’s mouth stretched around his girth and memories of that hot warmth engulfing him hit him like a freight train. Then he was battling a full chub. It’d been months since they’d made that memory together, but he revisited it often enough that it’d hardly faded at all. Thanks, brain. I so need this right now.
By the time he’d gotten things under control, Jeongguk had set the table and knocked twice more presumably to make sure Jimin was okay.
His face was still warm as he stepped into the living room. Jeongguk had set everything up around the coffee table, their preferred spot when it was just the two of them.
Of course he hadn’t touched the food yet. Guilt rocked through him. He’d been busy trying to get his arousal under control while Jeongguk had had to sit staring at the food. They needed to talk. He didn’t need a babysitter like this anymore. He was a grown ass man. “Eat, Jeongguk-ah.”
“Hyung- “
“I mean it. Eat. I will eat a little now, but I ate with my team earlier.”
“You know that’s not how this works.”
“You can’t do this anymore. No more. I’m fine.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“And that’s a you problem. I’m not calling or meeting you anymore for meals. I don’t have time for this babysitting crap.” At Jeongguk’s hurt expression, he added, “You need to stop worrying about me. We aren’t a thing.” As soon as the words slipped from his mouth, he wanted to take them back. He shouldn’t have said that.
Jeongguk’s expression morphed into anger. He stood and started pacing. “And just how the fuck do I do that, Jimin-ah? Hm? Because I’ve been trying. God, how I’ve been trying. It doesn’t matter how many people I stick my dick in, it’s pointless. I don’t even know why I bother. They’re not you.” He stopped and faced Jimin, his brow furrowed in anger. “I get it. You don’t want me. I’ll find some way to break this thing between us.” He gestured between them both as he headed towards the door.
Was he leaving? Fuck. He’s leaving. He hasn’t eaten. With no conscious thought, Jimin lunged for Jeongguk’s wrist. “No! Wait. Please. Don’t leave.”
Jeongguk jerked his wrist free. “Why should I?”
Jimin needed to be careful with his next words. He just knew pointing out he needed to eat was the wrong thing to say. Jimin must have taken too long, because Jeongguk snorted and turned away to grab his things. Jimin panicked and threw his arms around his waist. “Please stay. I want you to stay. I need you. I’m sorry. I want to talk, so we can understand each other. Please. I can’t bear it if you leave.” He dropped his head against Jeongguk’s shoulder and sobbed silently while holding tight.
It took a moment for Jeongguk to go from stiff to somewhat relaxed. Eventually, he dropped his head back onto Jimin’s other shoulder. His arms came up and covered Jimin’s. They held each other for a long moment before Jeongguk spoke. “I miss you, hyung. I miss us. We were the best of friends. Things are different now, and I don’t know how to act anymore.”
Jimin squeezed him tighter, thankful he was talking, really talking. “Let’s just be. Let’s spend time together and see what happens, yeah?” Jimin felt Jeongguk tense in his arms. Wait. What caused that? Oh. Did he think Jimin meant that as more than friends? Did he mean it that way? Fuck. He really wasn’t sure anymore. It was so hard to think with Jeongguk’s clean scent and warmth enveloping him.
Jeongguk finally relaxed against him again. He patted Jimin’s hands and said, “Yeah. Okay. Let’s see what happens.”
Jimin wasn’t sure what they’d both just agreed to, but he didn’t want to break the fragile peace to poke at it. Well, except for setting the boundary about his food intake. “Come on.” He released Jeongguk and grabbed his hand to pull him back toward the food. He’d bring up the food situation after they ate. Just in case.
Jealousy (Jimin’s POV)
Jimin and Jeongguk had fallen into a somewhat comfortable friendship. Jimin should have been happy with that, but he kept being assuaged with a slight melancholy that Jeongguk hadn’t pressed for it to be more. Well, he didn’t either, so, really, he couldn’t put all the blame on the younger man. Time was passing quickly. It felt like they blinked, and it was suddenly July.
Both of them had been called in earlier in the day for some big news. Neither had imagined what it could be. They stared at each other in shock when they were informed that Disney had picked up their bid to do a travel vlog/docuseries. They were approved for three trips with an option for more if those do well. The manager had been vibrating with excitement to tell them but then became concerned at their lackluster response. Jimin had been quick to jump in, explaining they were both just concerned about how they could fit these in with their already packed schedules. They’d put in for it the prior fall and then promptly had forgotten due to all that had been going on. They’d wanted to give ARMY something that had been asked for often since they did vlogs of their first trip together to Tokyo years previously.
Jimin was wondering if they could pull off looking as close as they used to be. Their first new trip details were being finalized already. They’d been relieved to see it was very low key. He wasn’t sure how Jeongguk was going to fit it in his schedule with all the additional events for his solo activities going full tilt, but they’d make the best of it, like always. The staff had arranged a lunch to celebrate the new series. If it had been in the past, the lunch would have turned into get together with the other members or their friends with drinks long into the night. Those times were long gone. They were older now.
Later at home, after looking all over for his favorite hoodie, the one he'd stolen from Jeongguk, and having had no success, Jimin settled for an old t-shirt that he'd also stolen from the younger man. He'd gotten comfortable in bed and had just dozed off when a notification dinged, alerting him that Jeongguk had gone live. He sat up and got comfortable while logging in. He couldn’t help watching. His heart wouldn’t let him do otherwise. To his surprise, Jeongguk wasn’t alone. Mingyu was with him, and they both had clearly been drinking quite a bit. So much for acting older. It would have been funny, except Jimin recognized that voice. It brought him back to that night, recalling that same voice telling Jeongguk the lewdest things. He had suspected it was Mingyu, but being faced with the evidence right in front of him, jealousy raised its ugly head. He sat frozen watching Mingyu lean against Jeongguk. It occurred to him that Jeongguk hadn’t mentioned any hookups since before their blow up over his eating. What if? No. Surely Jeongguk would have mentioned it if he'd started dating, right? But then again, even if they weren’t dating, they’d had this thing going for years. Had he pushed him into Mingyu’s arms? They leaned into each other in the way he and Jeongguk used to do. What he wouldn’t give to have that again. Had he wasted his chance? Had he lost him?
The Ring, part 3 (Jimin POV)
By the time their first trip came around, half a year had passed since the incident. Jimin and Jeongguk had gotten great at acting normal around each other again, at least in front of others and the cameras. When the cameras weren’t rolling, Jimin had attempted to be touchy-feely, like they used to be, but each time Jeongguk backed off and apologized, as if he had been the one that had accidentally touched Jimin. He’d had hoped the weirdness would have settled down by their trip to the northeastern United States, but clearly that hadn’t happened.
During filming, because he could touch him freely, Jimin had found himself pushing weird skin-ship scenarios, like when he’d put his legs on Jeongguk’s shoulders while they both brushed their teeth. He knew it’d likely get edited out, but he’d been hoping this trip would lead to Jeongguk acting like they used to when the cameras weren’t on too, like he’d been doing with Mingyu.
To Jimin’s heartbreak, Jeongguk’s behavior had changed dramatically as soon as the crew drove away. His face dropped, smile disappearing, and he’d immediately claimed he needed a nap and had gone upstairs. Jimin was feeling defeated as he unpacked his things into his own room. No more beds to share. No cameras now. No need to pretend they were okay. Jeongguk clearly wasn’t okay. It left him sad and lost.
Jeongguk was still fighting a head cold, while Jimin was recovering from the tummy bug that had plagued him for days, so it could be true that Jeongguk was just needing a nap with no ulterior motives. Except it was difficult to believe that, since Jeongguk had been distant for months and they’d only just started forging a path back to friendship. Jimin was worried they would never be close again. His chest felt like it was being squeezed in a press.
As he grabbed the last item from his suitcase, his hand hit the small ring box nestled in the zipper pocket. Fuck. That stupid ring. He should have gotten rid of it already, but it was just easier to let it live in the suitcase, not having to look at it. He blamed it for everything. Even though he hadn’t laid eyes on it since January, its existence haunted him. Jeongguk had been clear about trying to move on, hooking up with anyone and ensuring the whole group knew. He may not have mentioned it recently, but there was no reason for him to stop, because he sure wasn’t pursuing Jimin. It was high time he moved on as well, and to do that he needed to get rid of that fucking ring. He unzipped the pocket and grabbed the ring box to finish what he started.
He marched down to the small dock behind the rented house. The crew knew he loved water and had found a lovely place to record. Jimin stared out at the water in front of him. The Deep River was far from the shores of Busan, but it would have to do. It was a sunny, hot day, so different than the last time he’d tried to toss the ring. Some things were the same though. Birds were squawking and diving at each other, playing and eating. It would do.
For him, this ring still represented a dream he couldn’t have, not now, not ever. He’d had a chance with Jeongguk, and he’d squandered it, not recognizing it for what it was or letting himself be happy. He wished he could go back in time and react differently, say things differently. Hear him out at least. The vision of the morning sunlight shining on Jeongguk as he stared at the ring on his finger came unbidden to his mind. Honestly, it came to him nearly every time he let his mind wander. He’d had months to realize that maybe he should have considered allowing himself to have a relationship, especially with the one man who understood him. The dream Jeongguk had was admirable, but he couldn’t see how it could be realistic without destroying the careers of everyone associated with Bangtan. To Jimin, it was terrifying. People would hate them. He could envision the death threats they would get.
It made him shiver.
It was for the best that he’d closed that window. If they tried to be together and it didn’t work out, he’d screw up his relationship with his best friend even further, maybe irreparably so. He had to let it go. Here. Now.
He snapped the box closed with finality and pulled back his arm. As he brought his arm forward to fling it into the river, Jeongguk’s voice startled him.
“That’s not how you skip rocks, you know?”
He fumbled the box and attempted to catch it on pure reflex, even though he was in the process of literally throwing it into the water, but he only succeeded in knocking it off its original trajectory. Like a virtual replay of the last time he'd tried to toss it, Jimin watched it fall in slow motion, but then Jeongguk’s hand was suddenly there, grabbing it before it ended up in the water. Déjà vu.
“Fuck,” Jeongguk began, his eyebrows furrowed, thoughts crossed his face as his color drained. “I’m glad I caught you,” his voice a low murmur.
“Jeongguk-ah, what?” His words had kindled hope in Jimin’s chest.
“Just give me a second, yeah?” Jeongguk seemed solemn.
Jimin wasn’t sure what was happening. He watched as Jeongguk closed his eyes and held the box close to his chest for a moment. He then lifted it and kissed it. Jimin was perplexed. Was Jeongguk still wanting the ring? Did he still want him?
Before Jimin could think any further, Jeongguk pulled his arm back. Jimin realized he was going to fling the ring and acted on impulse. He couldn’t let this happen. He dove toward Jeongguk, tackling him. The ring box flew in a high arc through the air. Their bodies tangled on the dock. First, they stared at each other with wide eyes and then towards where Jeongguk had flung the ring. There the box rested on the top of the pole that warned swimmers of the depth of the water.
They looked at each other and began speaking at the same time.
“Hyung, what?”
“Gguk-ah.”
Both stopped speaking, both panting and looking into each other’s eyes.
Jeongguk beat him to speaking the second time with a simple, yet complex question, “Why did you try to stop me? You were already throwing it.”
Jimin untangled himself and sat back on the sun warmed boards. He knew he needed to say something, but he wasn’t sure how to say anything he was feeling or thinking in that moment. “I…” He paused, wiping the sweat from his brow. He needed time to compose himself but was failing. He started speaking, letting the words and feelings just come out, unedited, unplanned. He stared at his hands. “I’m not sure how to say this. I guess… When I saw you just before you threw it, I realized I might’ve been wrong about how you feel. If…” His throat felt raw. “If you still feel something for me, I just couldn’t let it go…” He trailed off, not daring to meet Jeongguk’s eyes and not sure what else to say. It was silent for entirely too long. This was how Jeongguk always got him. He was good at holding the silence, making the other person respond first.
Their eyes met. Seeing Jeongguk’s unshed tears gutted him. He wanted so badly to pull him in for a hug or to touch his face to comfort him, but after being rebuffed so often in the last few months, he was afraid of being pushed away. Without conscious thought, his hand had already reached out, but he caught himself before making contact. As he started to pull his hand back, Jeongguk’s hand shot forward and grabbed his wrist.
They stared into each other’s eyes as Jeongguk brought Jimin’s hand to his cheek. Jeongguk leaned into it, closing his eyes. The tears started falling.
“No, baby. No. Don’t cry sweetheart.” He pulled Jeongguk against him then. He went willingly, sobbing into his neck. Jeongguk’s free arm wrapped around Jimin, holding him tight. A steady stream of comforting words fell from Jimin’s mouth. Jimin laid his head on Jeongguk’s shoulder. Eventually, when they pulled apart, he saw that he’d made a wet spot on Jeongguk’s t-shirt. He hadn’t realized he was crying too until he saw the evidence. “Baby, let's go inside, out of this heat. Clearly, we need to talk.”
Jeongguk nodded and stood. He pulled Jimin to his feet. As they started to walk towards the house, he froze. “Wait. The ring!” He turned and pulled off his shirt.
“What? Wait. You’ll need help.” His shirt hit the planks too, as he kicked off his sandals.
They dove into the cool water and swam towards the post. Once there, they looked at each other. The plan was obvious. The water was over Jimin’s head, but Jeongguk could touch the riverbed with his tip toes. If he tilted his head back, he could breathe.
“Hold onto the pole. I’ll climb on your shoulders.”
“Yeah. Alright. Be careful.”
They scrambled into position, but it was still just out of reach. Jimin wrapped his thighs around the pole and shimmied his way higher until his finger grazed the box. Before he could get a solid grasp on it, he knocked the box off.
“I got it!” Jeongguk swam towards where the box had landed and was slowly sinking, rescuing it just in time.
Relief flooded Jimin’s body. He sagged and let himself flop backward into the water. Jeongguk paddled over to where he floated.
They glanced at each other, and both burst into laughter. The ring rescue had lightened the mood significantly.
Jimin silently decided that was the last time he was going to attempt to get rid of that ring.
♫
Jimin racked his brain the whole time he showered the river water off, and by the time Jeongguk walked into Jimin’s bedroom, hair still damp, Jimin still didn’t know what to say. His own hair was dry, so he turned off the dryer and turned to Jeongguk.
He desperately wanted to know what was going on in Jeongguk’s head. That would help him figure himself out. Maybe.
Jeongguk stepped close and unwrapped the ring box from a small, dry towel. “So, uh. The box is done-for, I think,” he said as he set it on the counter next to Jimin’s hand.
Jimin’s attention was drawn to the damp box, which was now discolored. The brown river water had tainted the teal green box. It now reflected his feelings about everything that had gone down, muddied. He picked the box up and opened it over the sink. Jeongguk must have done some cleaning already, no water leaked out upon opening. The box was felt-covered metal or hard plastic. He hoped it could be salvaged. The ring looked fine, of course, being tungsten. It could do with a stint in a sonic washer, but otherwise it was undamaged. After inspecting it thoroughly, he handed it to the man for whom it was intended. “Hold this a moment, please.”
Jeongguk took a visible breath and folded his hand around it, keeping it safe.
Jimin ran the box under the faucet, to see if the felt could be cleaned without damaging it. He rubbed it gently, but the discoloration only lightened a little. He sighed and set it aside to thoroughly dry on its own.
“Can we talk now?” Jeongguk’s voice was soft.
“Yeah.” That’s all he could say. Everything in his head was a jumbled mess.
“I’m just confused. Why did you try to stop me? You were literally throwing it in when I stopped you.”
“I told you why.”
“Yeah, but I didn’t understand what you meant. I need to understand.”
Instead of expounding yet, he asked, “Why did you do what you did?” At Jeongguk’s quirked eyebrow, Jimin continued, “Stop me, I mean. Like, I know you didn’t think I was actually skipping rocks. You had plenty of time to see what I was doing. I was even looking at it one last time, before throwing it.”
Jeongguk’s brow furrowed, and he took a stuttering breath. He looked away for a second before looking back. “I wanted to say goodbye to it too.”
“The ring?” Jimin’s face dropped. Maybe it wasn’t what he thought or rather hoped.
“Yes, but more so to the dream.” Jeongguk opened his hand and stared at the ring.
“Dream?” Jimin asked, but he wasn’t really asking. He was thinking. The dream of them being together?
Does that mean he still wants that?
Jeongguk scowled and ground out, “Yeah, the dream of us together as a family. It’s an engagement ring, Jimin. You had to have the same dream at some point since you bought the damn thing.”
Jimin didn’t respond to Jeongguk’s anger. He reached out and took the hand gripping the ring. He held it between both of his hands. He met Jeongguk’s intense gaze and asked the one thing he had to know the answer to. “Do you still want me?”
Jeongguk gave him a look that clearly conveyed he thought Jimin was being stupid. He’d been on the end of that look before, on many occasions. “I will always want you.” He pulled his hand away, turned, and started for the door.
Jimin panicked. “Wait! Baby. Please.”
Jeongguk stopped, but didn’t turn around. His body was stiff, as if waiting for a blow to land.
“I want you too. Of course, I fucking do. I barely remember a time when that wasn’t true. Just because I can’t imagine a future where I’m out to everyone doesn’t make me want you any less. Just because I’m scared doesn’t mean I don’t want you. Gguk ,” Jimin sobbed, “You’re my world. These last months without you have been hell. I wish we could go back to how things were before that wretched day. I need my best friend back.” There. He said it. Jimin started pacing in a tight oval, while staring at his feet. One step then the next. “Just because I can’t see how we can make a relationship work, don’t mistake that for me not wanting you. I can’t imagine a world where I wouldn’t want you.”
Jeongguk had turned halfway through Jimin’s tirade. “What makes you think we can’t make it work?”
Jimin stared at him. What was he actually asking? It seemed like he was wanting to know something more than what the question actually asked. “You want us to be open to the world. I don’t ever see myself coming out to anyone except those who already know, so that means we want two different things…” Jimin spoke carefully, hoping to get a clue if he was on the right track.
Jeongguk studied him. After a moment, he asked, “So, if we didn’t come out, you’d consider it?”
Was Jimin actually giving it consideration? Yeah. He was, but there was no way they could come out though. “Yeah. I couldn’t imagine it before because I was so afraid, but god how I have missed you. Would you consider not coming out? Could we keep it a secret?”
Jeongguk ran his hands through his hair and took a deep breath before answering, “I don’t know. Before, I was certain it had to be a fully open relationship. But like you said, it’s been hell.”
It felt validating to hear those words. He needed to know why Jeongguk felt the way he did. “Why is it so important for you, coming out? I mean, I get trying to help other LGBT people, but, for me, that’s just not enough. It’s terrifying and dangerous. There are crazy people out there full of hate. It will close so many doors for our group. This is if everyone agrees to it. I want to understand why, baby, please make me understand.”
“Can we lay down? I miss cuddling with you while we talk, like we used to do. I think I’ve missed cuddling you the most.”
Jeongguk laid the ring carefully on the nightstand. Then, they lay on the bed, Jeongguk being the big spoon. Jimin heard Jeongguk take a deep inhale of the skin of his neck before he nuzzled into a position they’d been in hundreds of times before. Jeongguk’s strong arms pulled Jimin firmly against his front. It was silent for a bit as they adjusted and enjoyed the true intimacy that they’d both been missing.
Jeongguk let his lips graze Jimin’s neck as he spoke, causing him to shiver. “So, let me see if I can put this into words.” He paused, gathering himself. “It’s crazy. I’ve had this conversation with you in my head so many times, but I still can’t remember what I planned to say if I ever actually got the chance. I guess when I imagine our future, we have a house with kids and animals-,”
“Jeongguk-ah-,” Jimin interrupted.
“Shh, hyung. Let me talk, okay? You asked,” Jeongguk interrupted right back.
Jimin resolved to listen. If Jeongguk was ready to talk, he wanted to hear whatever he had to say. He let Jeongguk’s words wash over him as he tried to imagine it for himself.
“You’ve seen the plans for my house. I told everyone that having so many bedrooms was for guests to stay, which is partly true, but I’m planning for the future, in ten years or so, I want to have kids. My dream is to have them with you, but I’ll do it on my own if I have to.”
Jimin tensed to speak, but Jeongguk must have felt it and shushed him before he could say anything. “I’m not an idiot. I know we’re men. Having kids will be a challenge, but there are ways.”
“Surrogacy?” he couldn’t help but ask. Jimin had recalled the conversation he’d had with his friend, Sanghoon. But don’t they still need eggs from a woman or how did that work? He assumed Jeongguk had looked into it all. Until January, Jimin hadn’t even heard the term.
“Yeah. We’d have to do it in America though, unless Korea gets its head out of its ass by then. Korea limits it to regular couples that can’t get pregnant. If you’re gay or single, you have to go out of the country. My dream is that you and I get the same egg donor and have embryos made up and preserved. Then when we’re ready to be parents, we can hire someone to carry twins for us. Imagine. If it works perfectly, the babies would be half siblings through the egg donor. We could father one each and they could share a womb.” Jeongguk was getting very expressive, lifting himself up and staring into Jimin’s eyes. His excitement was palpable. Jimin could tell he really, truly wanted this.
“Can that really happen?” Jimin cocked an eyebrow. That sounded too good to be true.
“Yeah. Science has improved a lot in the last ten years. Imagine how refined they’ll have it by the time we’re ready?” Jeongguk’s face crumpled. “Sorry. I keep saying we.” He looked away. “Anyway. I plan to come out before my kids start school. I don’t want my children to have to lie to keep a secret about how they came to be or to feel ashamed that their dad or dads, if I find someone by then, are gay. I want to be out and have dealt with the public outcry before the children have to deal with it. I won’t chance being outed by accident, that would be disastrous.”
“But you’re not gay. You can find a girl-,”
“I’m gay, Jimin.” His voice was firm.
His words stopped Jimin up short. What? “But… Since when? You’ve been with lots of girls. Recently even.”
Jeongguk looked away, embarrassment clouding his features. “Um. confession.” He paused and took a stuttering breath, then continued. “Up until recently, every time I’ve been with anyone, I’ve closed my eyes and imagined being with you.”
“What? ” Jimin's voice was nearly a screech. He couldn’t form any other words. He pulled away to spin around, facing Jeongguk. He needed a moment to think. He ran his hand through his hair, tugging at the strands. It wasn’t that he felt bad that Jeongguk was fantasizing about him. No. Heck. He’s fantasized about Jeongguk on the regular for years. But that wasn’t very fair to the girls. Then again, most of those girls were just clout chasers who wanted a piece of Jeongguk, so they got what they deserved.
“Sorry. I’m so sorry. But after you made it clear that we couldn’t be together, I stopped allowing myself to imagine you anymore.” Jeongguk still wasn’t meeting his eyes.
Jimin didn’t blame him. These were some hard things to admit. He’d be struggling too.
Jeongguk took a breath and quietly continued, “I tried focusing on the girl, but I couldn’t get hard or stay hard if I wasn’t imagining being with a guy. I don’t know why it was so hard admitting I was gay, but I tried again and again with different girls. I thought I just wasn’t attracted enough…” He looked up, finally meeting Jimin’s eyes, but looked away quickly.
“I wasn’t sure if it was just you or if it was guys in general that I was attracted to, so I tested it.” Jeongguk was carefully focusing on the wall, avoiding Jimin’s expression.
Jimin’s heart sank. Oh no. “Tested it how?” His voice was a gruff whisper. He was certain he didn’t really want to know the answer, but he couldn’t keep himself from asking.
“I don’t think you want to know. Just… I’m sure, okay?”
Fuck. He slept with a guy. He slept with a guy because Jimin couldn’t give him what he needed. I’m losing him. What was he thinking? He wasn’t his to lose, not yet. That little voice in the back of his head piped up and said, he could have been yours already if you weren’t such a coward. He couldn’t deny its veracity. Why did this hurt so much worse than the many girls he knew Jeongguk had been with? That little voice in the back of his head immediately answered. Because he’d never felt threatened by any of them. Had he suspected on some level that Jeongguk was gay? Or was it that if Jeongguk was fucking guys now, he was one step closer to losing him?
His spiraling thoughts were interrupted when Jeongguk continued, “I haven’t told anyone else yet. Just you so far. I wasn’t ready.” He looked away again. “Um. So, I guess to sum up.” He pointed at his own chest, “Definitely gay.” He started counting off on his fingers, “One, if I don’t find someone by the time the rest of the members start having kids, I’m going to do it on my own. Two, I am coming out before the kids start school. Three, I so badly want that life, and I want it to be with you, but I understand if your career is more important.” He paused, but his eyes suddenly widened. He cleared his throat, speaking quickly, “Which is fine. You’ve worked so hard. I’ve never known anyone who works harder. I am so proud of what you’ve accomplished. You’re amazing, hyung.”
Jimin didn’t know what to say. Did this change things? Yeah. It changed so much. What did it mean for Jimin? He had no fucking clue. This was just too much right now. He pulled Jeongguk down and nestled back into his arms. He knew he needed to respond, but he had no answer right now though.
“Hyung-,” Jeongguk timidly began before Jimin cut him off.
“I know you want me to say something, but I need some time to think about this. This is a lot. I just don’t know right now. I want that so much. Jeongguk, baby, I want that, but I’m scared, so scared. I need time to think. Does that make sense? Is that okay?”
“Of course, hyung.” Jeongguk’s voice was soft.
“Thank you. And thank you for letting me be the first to know,” Jimin responded just as softly. Jeongguk choosing him to be the first to come out to felt like a step in the right direction to rebuild their friendship, and hopefully a whole lot more.
They lay there until they fell asleep, the time zone still messing with their sleep cycle. They woke in the middle of the night and made a meal. It felt peaceful. They felt like they’d broken through something. The rest of the night and travel the next day was comfortable. Jimin had a lot to think about. Could they be together? Jimin found himself wanting that badly. If they came out, it could be many years down the road. That sounded less frightening, but could he bring himself to do it? Could he commit to a relationship with Jeongguk if he couldn’t give him what he so clearly wanted? What they both wanted. He recalled the feeling of holding his friend’s newborn, the tiny little sleeping bundle. He could have that. Jeongguk wanted to give him that, but it would come with a lot of scary things. He had so much to consider.
Coming Out (Jeongguk’s POV)
It had felt amazing telling someone, and not just anyone, he had told Jimin. He’d felt so stupid for not having realized his own sexuality sooner. If not for Mingyu nudging him to think, it might have been a while yet. He’d made excuses. He thought it had been the fact that he was in love with Jimin that caused him to have trouble being with girls. Once he had decided to test himself, he had developed a plan.
First, he started watching gay porn. He’d hoped to find some that had guys who looked like Jimin. Sadly, he found there was a serious lack of porn stars who looked like him, which in Jeongguk’s opinion, was a travesty. Once he gave himself permission to look around and think about men, he realized he found them sexy as fuck. Women were okay but couldn’t hold his attention.
Next, he got some experience. The guy he’d chosen to test himself with had been a gorgeous American that worked on set when he was filming the Seven video. The guy didn’t really know who he was, which was refreshing. After spending the day eye-fucking each other, the guy pulled him into a single occupancy restroom during a break in filming. Jeongguk had really enjoyed being manhandled himself, which had surprised the hell out of him. Jimin loved being manhandled. Now he understood the appeal. All the women he’d been with were small like Jimin, so he’d never had the opportunity to be manhandled before. It had been incredible. This guy was rough and didn’t speak a word of Korean, but then again, they hadn’t needed words. They made out and gave each other quick hand-jobs. Not once did he have to think of Jimin to keep hard or get off. There had been his proof. Later, that evening, he’d felt guilty, but what had there been to feel guilty about? Jimin didn’t want him or at least that is what he had thought at the time.
But now, Jimin said he wanted him. He was thinking about being with him, if Jeongguk can be okay with not coming out, but he’d also said he wanted a family too. He had things to think about now. Can he be okay to remain closeted if that’s what Jimin decided on? Could he give up on becoming a father someday? He wasn’t sure. Maybe he would have to settle for friendship? He didn’t want to settle for someone other than Jimin, but he also didn’t want to give up being a father. Round and round his thoughts went… Jimin or fatherhood. He just couldn’t decide. It was torture. They both had agreed to give it thought.
They had time. Hopefully Jimin would come around, so he didn't have to choose, but it would be unfair of him to not give staying closeted with Jimin serious thought. The thought spiral consumed him anytime he had downtime to think.
As the weeks passed, all the travel and work started to get to him. Usually, he thrived in all the chaos of work and in all of the attention of the people who flirted with him, men and women alike. He used to love the attention, but now it just made him miss Jimin more. He realized what he needed to do. He could have Jimin. He was in reach.
Wanna Watch? (Jimin’s POV)
Jimin was thrilled that they seemed okay since coming back from America. They had been stupidly busy preparing for Yoongi’s concerts in addition to their own solo stuff. They both were giddy about having done their Yoongi-hyung’s final tour stop in Seoul, even though Jeongguk was still sulking about having fucked up during the song, Burn It. They both thrived on stage. They’d had dinner a couple of times after vocal lessons and had finally managed to fit in a boxing lesson at Jimin’s home gym. They had just unwrapped their hands and were sitting on the mat in Jimin’s home gym. Jimin was failing at not being distracted by the glistening sweat trickling down Jeongguk’s neck. He hoped he wasn’t being too obvious. Getting their friendship (and more?) back on track had been going well, and things felt less delicate between the two of them, so when he’d been curious for the thousandth time, he finally asked, “How’d you and Mingyu start, uh, whatever arrangement you have? What’s the story there?”
Jeongguk startled at the question, then smiled, “Oh. That started because of drunken truth-or-dare.”
“What? He dared you to touch yourself or something?” Jimin queried with a smirk, imagining just that.
“No. It started with me choosing ‘truth’ and him asking what my most secret fantasy was. Since I couldn’t say my number one fantasy was having you rail me to within an inch of my life, I scrambled and came up with the first thing that came to mind that did not involve you. I told him I fantasized about people watching me touch myself.”
Jimin shook his head, mirth and disbelief warred inside him, resulting in a nervous chuckle. It still messed with his mind that Jeongguk wanted him. Years, literal years he lived his life being oblivious to Jeongguk’s feelings. Just because he now knew and had even acted upon it didn’t make hearing it any less mind-blowing.
“What? I panicked. It was still a truth, just a lesser truth. Anyway, when it was his turn for ‘truth’, I asked him the same question. We were super drunk by then. He told me he wanted to watch people masturbate. Then the next round he dared me to do it, so I did. He watched. It was hot.”
Jeongguk’s blush was enticing. Jimin blinked, getting himself back on track and asked, “weren’t there other people there? Don’t tell me you jerked off with other people watching.”
“No, the other person there had passed out hard. It was just me and Mingyu awake.”
Jimin absorbed that, imagining him doing just that. Damn. Lucky bastard. He shook that thought away. Since Jeongguk was in a talking mood and the world hadn’t imploded when they started touching on the subject they’d been skirting around, he decided to ask the other question that had been plaguing him. “Okay then, how did it go from that to large insertables? Cause, god, Gguk-ah, that thing was massive.”
Jeongguk grinned. “Yeah. It was pretty big. Well. Um. What we did evolved over time. I didn’t do anything with my ass until after you complained that your ex expected you to bottom, and you told him no. After that, I started playing with my ass. Mingyu liked to watch that too.”
Jimin’s thoughts stuttered. “Wait. What? You started doing that because of me?”
Jeongguk took Jimin’s face into his hands and caressed his cheek. “Clearly, you don’t get it, hyung. You’ve always been it for me. You’re the reason I do most things. You liked guys with big muscles, so I started working out even harder. I wanted you to notice me. You liked men with tattoos, well..." He gestured to his arm. "When you liked certain songs, I would practice them, so I could sing them for you. When I found out you don’t bottom, I started exploring to see if I liked it. It was just another thing that I did to be the perfect man for you.”
Jimin’s gut clenched. Worry creased his brow. “You should not be doing all those things just because of me.” Jimin took Jeongguk’s hands into his own, removing them from his face. He was panicked by the younger man’s revelation. Not to mention, this was the first time Jeongguk had touched his face in such a boyfriend kind of way since the morning after the ring situation.
“Jimin-ah, I am me. I am happy with myself. Don’t worry. If I tried it and didn’t like it, I wouldn’t do it. I just happen to really, really like it. So, relax, before you make these lines stick.” He rubbed tenderly at the frown lines between Jimin’s eyebrows.
Jimin sat back, studying Jeongguk. He felt a little better, but not entirely. He’d not really known the extent of the impact he’d had on Jeongguk as a person. He’d known he had some, but this was mind blowing. The tender gesture overwhelmed him, so he was unprepared when Jeongguk yanked him into his lap. Jimin flailed a little at first until he was settled. He felt his face burning and his dick twitched in his pants.
“See. I like being able to move you like this. Even if you never want to fuck me, I’ll continue to fuck myself with toys. I could show you my collection next time we’re at my place if you want. You know, I’d love it if you watched me.” He bit his lip, waiting for something. Maybe to see if he’d pushed Jimin too hard. Likely.
Jimin was unsure how to react. He didn’t dislike it. This was the first time Jeongguk had manhandled him since Seollal. He really had missed letting Jeongguk move him around like a doll. This was a delicate situation. If he crawled out of his lap right now, he’d shatter something. To give himself time to think, he relaxed into Jeongguk’s hold and asked, “Did you and Mingyu ever do more?”
Jeongguk shook his head quickly, likely having expected the question. “No. I mean we kissed once, but it was just too weird. He’s straight-ish. He had a girlfriend until recently. She knew he watched ‘live porn’ as she had called it, but he led her to believe it was a random cam-boy. Thankfully, she wasn't interested in watching. Which is good, because I am not okay with the thought of some girl watching. I’ll gladly put on a show for you though.”
Jimin asked, “So no girls got to watch, huh?” He was skirting the offer that was made twice now while he tried to figure out what he wanted to do about it.
Jeongguk had not been so quick with the answer to this question, clearly not having expected it. “Never really been interested in that, no. It really should have been a clue.” The downward corners of his mouth and subdued voice alerted Jimin that he was really wanting an answer. He’d put himself out there. Jimin needed to give him an answer, but he was stalling while he considered.
“What? Why are you upset? Don’t you want him to keep watching?”
“It’s not him I want, Jimin. I… don’t you want to watch me?”
“Of course. I really do want to see, but…” Jimin stumbled over his words. He struggled with how to explain his thoughts. It wasn’t like he didn’t want to watch, it was just… Their situation was complicated right now. Jeongguk was waiting. He had to say something. “Okay. Yes. I want to, but two things. One, we haven’t talked about things, but I’m still thinking. The other thing is… I might be a little traumatized by seeing that thing come out of you with blood.”
From Jeongguk’s gasped “Oh”, it was clear he’d not been expecting that answer, but he seemed to perk up at the explanation. “I promise I’m never using anything that wide or shaped like that ever again. That was awful. Would you watch if I do other things?” He begged, still not addressing the first point.
Jimin considered. Did he want to? Hell yes. Would he, especially since it was something his own heart had been yearning for. He wanted to say yes badly, but he didn’t want to give Jeongguk false hope. Especially since he wasn’t sure he could say yes to the bigger unspoken question. “I need you to understand, if I watch, that isn’t me committing to anything more, right? But it’s also not me saying no. I’m trying to warm up to the idea of a fully out relationship.” He paused, taking a deep breath, “Look, I feel strongly that it’s not fair to you to make you settle. Very especially since I want all the things you want. Jeongguk, I’ve always wanted children. You know that more than anyone in the group, I suspect. Every time we work with kids, they are just so cute. I’m working to get over my fear, but I just can't give you a yes yet, okay?” After that word vomit, he collapsed into Jeongguk’s arms. If he was willing to hold him, he could really use it after that admission. He’d never said it out loud before.
Jeongguk wrapped his arms around him, holding him, as he took his time considering. Eventually, he nodded. Jimin was relieved that he took his time. He was deeply considering Jimin’s position. Jimin didn’t want to hurt him more than he already had. He’d be lying if he said the current limbo they were in wasn’t painful enough already.
He placed his forehead against Jeongguk’s and scratched his nails along his scalp. “Okay then. I would love to watch you. And you can watch me too, well depending on what you expect of me. I haven’t done a lot. I mean, you’ve been there for most of what I’ve experienced, so…”
Jeongguk pulled away with wide eyes. He studied his face for long enough that Jimin started to squirm. Finally, he asked, “You’d want that?”
Jimin cocked an eyebrow and smirked. “What? Do you think you're the only exhibitionist?”
Decision Made (Jimin’s POV)
Jimin couldn't believe they were here, doing this. Today was just supposed to be about putting on a show for each other, but Jimin had a surprise for the younger man. Thinking about being with Jeongguk had consumed him to the point his own songwriting had been progressing quickly. He was inspired, everything flowing. Knowing Jeongguk had other options and was willing to find someone else if Jimin didn't go all in had been the kicker, the impetus he'd needed to decide. He couldn't let that happen. He wanted to do the whole happily ever after with Jeongguk. They had another ten years before they tried for kids. That was the deadline. As long as Jeongguk, their friends, and their company were by his side, he believed he could do it. He could have a career and boyfriend now and a family later. He was going to tell Jeongguk today if all went well. But if he chickened out now, today would still be fun. Two people doing some kinky shit together. He could tell him later.
Jimin had let himself into Jeongguk’s apartment and settled on the couch. He could feel his pulse thrumming. Nervous seemed like too light a word for what he was feeling. He was seconds from getting up to pace when Jeongguk sauntered into the room, shirtless with his hair still damp.
“Hi hyung.” Jeongguk beamed. “I’m excited for this. I have all my toys laid out in the bedroom. You can choose which ones you want me to use.”
“Well, hi to you too.” Jimin giggled at the younger man’s enthusiasm. Okay, maybe this wouldn’t be so bad. Jeongguk just made everything easier. He stood up and wrapped himself around the younger man. Should he tell him now or later? Wait. He should definitely tell him now, so he doesn’t think it was the sex making him say things he didn't really mean. “Baby, can we talk first?”
Jeongguk stiffened in his arms. “Um yeah, sure.” He pulled away, his smile faded and gestured for Jimin to sit back down. “Do you need to back out? It’s okay if you do. I just want you to be comfortable, okay?”
Jimin smiled. There were so many reasons he loved this man. “No baby. I just…” He took a breath. God but this was scary. “I want to be with you.” There he said it. He took Jeongguk’s tattooed hand into his own hand.
Jeongguk’s brows furrowed. “Okay. Look, I am trying to not read too much into this, so I’m going to need you to maybe explain what you mean by that.” He looked hesitant.
Jimin was the reason for the younger man’s hesitance. He felt dumb, because, yeah, that was a bit ambiguous. He lifted their joined hands and kissed the little J on Jeongguk's ring finger. The significance of that tattoo suddenly dawned on him. How had he not seen it? Every little thing about this man screamed he belonged to Jimin. He'd only ever needed to accept what was on offer. He'd been willingly blind. He stared into Jeongguk’s eyes and firmly said, “I want you. I want us. I want it all.”
Jeongguk’s eyes widened, and his jaw dropped. “You… me. You want me, like everything?” His words were disjointed in his surprise.
Jimin could barely see he was smiling so largely. “Yeah, baby. All of it.” Jeongguk’s smile was nearly as big until Jimin saw a thought cross the younger man's face in real time and watched his smile drop. He wasn't sure what exactly stole his happiness, but he couldn't let that happen. He needed to make Jeongguk understand the whole picture. “I’m still so very afraid, but as long as I have you, I can do it. If you’re by my side, we can do it all. I love you.” He wasn’t sure who moved first, but they were suddenly kissing. Their lips slotting together perfectly. He cupped the back of Jeongguk’s head and held him like the precious thing that he was.
Jeongguk started to pull him into his lap.
Jimin adjusted, so he could straddle and grind against him as he deepened the kiss. He wanted Jeongguk to feel just how sure he was about this. He bit the younger man’s bottom lip, eliciting a gasp which opened his mouth for Jimin to be able to deepen the kiss. He could feel how hard Jeongguk already was, causing a groan to escape his own mouth as he rutted against the man beneath him with his own erection. He was suddenly sure of what else he wanted. He pulled away and urgently implored, “Fuck me. Please, Jeongguk, fuck me.”
Jeongguk’s eyes opened incredibly wide. “For real? I mean. Yeah. I want to. It’s just. Are you sure?” His hands were firm on Jimin’s hips pausing his rutting.
Jimin was determined. He wanted this, wanted it badly. “Yeah. Please.”
“Baby, we can’t just do it. You need to prepare-” Jeongguk began but was interrupted.
“I know. I looked up how to clean. Um. Yeah. I should be good to go.” Jimin could feel his whole face heating as he spoke, but he knew what he wanted. He wanted his boyfriend to fuck him. “Oh. Wait. You are my boyfriend now, right?” It seemed like such a silly thing to clarify at the moment, but it also seemed very important.
“God, yes, Jimin. And you’re mine.” Jeongguk’s voice was husky already. He tilted his head until their foreheads were touching.
“Good. Now take me to bed, baby.” Jimin commanded. He wanted this more than he could put into words.
“Your wish is my command, my prince.” With those words and a lopsided grin, he stood effortlessly with Jimin in his arms.
Jimin couldn’t help it. He squeaked. He loved how strong the younger man was. He couldn’t help himself. He crashed their lips together. Jeongguk started making his way to the bedroom, only bumping into a couple of walls along the way.
When nearing the bed, he broke the kiss and set Jimin onto his feet. Jeongguk had a large assortment of dildos laid out on the bed. He’d scooted a comfortable looking chair near the bed, in anticipation of Jimin watching him.
The dildos ranged from pretty small to really long ones, and for the life of Jimin, he couldn’t imagine how that one could be used, like how on earth would it fit. Maybe he could find out another time.
Jeongguk looked at the assortment taking up too much space and looked at Jimin. He nodded to himself and started bagging most of the toys. They each seemed to have their own bag. Jimin was curious, but didn’t want to ask and get sidetracked from his objective of having Jeongguk inside of him asap. By the time he was done clearing the bed, there were two small toys left. Would he use them on Jimin? He wasn’t sure he wanted that this time.
Jimin was nervous, but less nervous than he had been. He was so happy he’d waited to do this with Jeongguk. He trusted him more than anyone else.
As he stood watching Jeongguk clear away things, he started thinking, his mind wandering about their budding relationship. He realized he now had other worries about their service come December. They wouldn’t be together for eighteen months except for when they were on their very limited leave. It would just suck.
“I promise it’ll be okay. I’ll take it slow, and we can stop at any time.” Jeongguk’s words of reassurance confused him at first. His mind had wandered to the future, while Jeongguk’s mind clearly had not. Jimin must’ve been frowning or looking worried.
He gave a reassuring smile. “I wasn’t thinking about that, baby. I know you’ll take care of me. I was thinking about how we’ll be apart for 18 months for our service. I’m worried. That’s so long.”
Jeongguk looked thoughtful, “There might be a way we can be together. Have you heard of the buddy program? They guarantee you’ll be stationed together.”
“Oh wait. Yeah. I remember hearing about that. Fuck. That would be amazing. We seriously need to look into it sooner rather than later. When we talk to the company about us, we can have them look into whether it’s an option for us. It has to be. I… we’re just getting started. I don’t want to be apart, even if we have to pretend only to be friends the whole time.” Jimin was starting to feel a tightness in his chest. Not now, damn it.
Sexuality was easier to hide than a whole relationship, and now he was thinking about how hard it will be to be near him and try not to give away just how in love with him he was. “I’m terrified it’ll get out before we’re ready, and it’ll be a disaster. You know? And I never thought I'd say this, but then when we’re out of the military, I don’t want to act like friends everywhere but at home… oh fuck.” The word ‘home’ had come out before he'd given any thought to what that word would mean for them then. It made him realize they may not have as much time as he’d hoped before having to reveal the relationship… or worse, they might break up due to not being able to be together and nurture the relationship.
“What is it? What’s wrong? Baby, talk to me.” Jeongguk dropped the toy he was bagging and pulled Jimin into his arms when he noticed his distress.
Jimin’s breathing eased as those strong arms wrapped around him. “Sorry. It’s just I suddenly realized that when we get out of the service, unless we move in together, we’ll have barely any time to be together… you know as us, a couple. We’ll have to be ‘just friends’ all the fucking time. People are going to notice if I spend all my time at your place or if I move in with you. Your new place is well known. Heck, I’ve watched YouTube videos where people walk by where it’s being built. Everyone knows where it is.” He paused and laid his head on the younger man’s shoulder, while he wracked his brain for a solution. Now that he’d realized just how much he wanted this man, he was terrified of what could tear them apart. The thought of being with him but not getting to be with him was overwhelming. He was quickly understanding why Jeongguk wanted to come out. He gripped Jeongguk tighter.
Jeongguk idly stroked Jimin’s hair as he thought out loud. “I guess we could always claim we’re best friends that decided to be roommates, but that’ll be a thin cover. People will already be watching us closely if we’re able to do our service together, but that will likely be our best option.”
The thought of having to pretend to be only friends for their 18 months of service, and then to have to pretend almost all the time after that doing the same fucking thing until they finally revealed everything in ten fucking years was suddenly unacceptable to Jimin. They had to live together. He didn’t see a reason why they couldn’t. It would just be a little suspicious.
Jimin had known forever that coming out would negatively affect Bangtan, maybe even destroy their career. That’s why he’d assured everyone at the company that he had no plans to publicly come out back when he first revealed his sexuality, but that was before the pandemic and before Jeongguk.
Jimin made a mental list of the terrifying changes that would have to occur just so they could be together. He was pretty certain the members would support them and felt most ARMYs would too, but the industry was truly homophobic. Bangtan were representatives of their country. He was certain their diplomatic passports would get taken away. Bangtan would also get dropped from a lot of their brand endorsements. The fashion industry was pretty liberal, but other companies would likely drop them. There were whole countries they would never get to go back to. They needed to talk with their members and the company asap.
Now that he allowed himself to want Jeongguk, he was getting fucking sick of the thought of hiding. It was startling how strongly and quickly this feeling was gripping him. Now he had something he didn’t want to hide. Jeon Jeongguk was his fucking boyfriend. He didn’t want to spend the next twelve years hiding, but one thing remained the same. “Jeongguk-ah, this is going to be terrifying.” At some point tears had started falling, and he hadn’t even noticed.
Jeongguk tightened his hold around him. “Baby. We’ll be okay. You know the important people in our lives will still love us, right? And our members will be okay with whatever comes with us being happy together.”
“Yeah, but…” he started, only to be interrupted.
“No. There is no ‘but’. Our members already support you. I am sure they will support us. Our families will too. Oh, shit. I didn’t tell you. I came out to my family after I told you.” Jeongguk swallowed thickly and continued, “my father wasn’t terribly happy, but overall, everyone was great. You were right. I did need to tell people. It was fucking terrifying, and that was people I was sure would love me anyway. We’ll get this figured out together. Now that I have you, I am not letting you go. You’re mine. I’ve waited too long. We have waited too long to be together.”
Jimin nuzzled into his chest and sobbed quietly. He marveled at the younger man's words and his bravery. Coming out was panic inducing for Jimin. He wished he could have been there to stand beside him and hold his hand as he had revealed it to them. His thoughts were interrupted when Jeongguk broke the silence.
“And Jimin-ah, I had that house built with you in mind, you know that right?”
Jimin pulled away enough to be able to meet his eyes. He scowled and called bullshit. “What? No, you didn’t. You asked all of us what we wanted, so we all had a place to hang.”
“Baby. Asking everyone was mostly a cover. When I picked everything, I thought of you. I designed the main bedroom with its closets and the bathroom to suit us, you and me. I designed the gym to have our favorite equipment along with mine. I made sure the garage had enough space for your cars too. I added a dance studio, because I didn’t want you to go to the company if you couldn’t sleep, like you sometimes do. I thought of you every step of the way during the design process. I thought it was dumb of me to do it at the time, but now I know why I did it. It was like when you bought an engagement ring for me even though you didn’t think you had a chance. It’s fate, baby.” Jeongguk pulled him back in to cradle him against his body. Jimin sniffled, but took the comfort offered. He couldn’t believe Jeongguk had done something so big, but it made sense. Fate had been nudging them all along.
“We’ll work with the company to develop a plan for coming out. Maybe we can influence even more people to accept themselves and come out. That could make lawmakers hurry along important LGBT legislation, like changing laws so we can get married here. As for anyone who drops us for loving one another, fuck them.”
Jimin let out a wet chuckle at those words. He cuddled quietly thinking, trying to allow himself to have this. He needed to focus on the good parts of being with Jeongguk. He had daydreamed a lot over the years, especially after buying the ring. “I didn’t bring the ring. I thought maybe we should date first, you know.”
“That’s smart, but when we do, I like the idea of a wedding showcase so ARMY can attend, but I want to get married, legally, before then. If that’s here, great, but if not, I think Hawaii would be nice. We have wonderful memories from there, right?” Jeongguk nuzzled against his cheek.
“The weather was perfect. Our parents would love it there.” Jimin chuckled at a stray thought, “Jikookers were right, huh? They’ll be insufferable. Honestly, though, they saw it before us.”
Jeongguk spun Jimin around with him in his arms. “I watched a lot of their videos. I thought they were just imagining things, since you never let on like you were interested.”
Jimin stiffened. “Hey. Of course I didn’t. You were straight! I didn’t want to make you uncomfortable. It was hard though. I wanted you so badly.”
“Well, you have me now.” He pecked a kiss on his lips. “I’ve got another idea too. We could do like a soft launch of our relationship when shooting Run BTS, when you’re ready of course. It will help with letting the relationship slowly get revealed until you officially, publicly pop the question.”
Jimin stared into Jeongguk’s sparkling, excited eyes as he spoke quickly. His ideas were good. If he could just focus on the good things, everything else would become less scary. Did that mean they would come out earlier than ten years? Was that wise? He reminded himself that he wasn't alone in this. The company would help. They could come out at the right time and with all the support. Big Hit wouldn't let them come out sooner than was right, so he leaned into the conversation.
Jeongguk continued chattering away with his ideas while Jimin watched, completely enamored. “ARMY would love that, don’t you think? It’d be like an ongoing Kdrama. There could be clues everywhere to let people put it together before we confirm anything. Or… I know… the reveal could be the popping of the question at a live streamed concert, complete with kiss. Man, that’d make the lawmakers cringe. Then we can do things that involve planning the wedding afterwards. You know, let ARMY help.” Jeongguk was seriously on a roll with ideas. “The honeymoon will be all ours though. No cameras except our own.” Jeongguk insisted.
Before he could react to any of what he’d said, Jeongguk kissed him again. Jimin relaxed into the kiss, letting hope overtake him. The future was daunting, but Jeongguk was with him. He could do anything with him by his side. And if he had anything to say about it, he’d make it happen just like Jeongguk wanted. The man had waited patiently for far too long for Jimin to get his head out of his ass. Jeongguk deserved to have it all his way.
♫
Jimin did a final small rinse and made sure everything was clean. He was more excited than nervous, but the nervousness was still there. He took a deep breath and stood there looking at the door leading out of the bathroom. He rubbed his hands down the thick towel he had wrapped around his waist. He realized he was stalling. He’d fantasized this moment so often and was worried he’d blown it out of proportion. Would actually doing it ruin the fantasy? Would it fall short? He blew out his breath and grasped the doorknob. Only one way to find out.
There on the bed was his dream. Jeongguk was sprawled on the mattress looking sexy as hell, clearly staged. He chuckled and gestured.
Jeongguk's brows furrowed. He pouted, “Not the reaction I was going for.” His lips pursed, which made Jimin chuckle even more.
“Sorry. It’s just you’re doing that on purpose, trying to look tempting.” He was adorable. He’d never not find Jeon Jeongguk adorable, even when he was killing it at being tempting too.
“Well, I mean, yeah. I just…” Jeongguk sat up, his pout intensifying and his brow forming a deep line which made Jimin ache to smooth it out with his fingers. “I’ve got you now. I've wanted you for so long, hyung.”
“So, what, you think you need to put on some kind of show to keep me?” He asked teasingly with a hint of seriousness. He tilted his head as he tried to understand Jeongguk’s thinking.
The younger met his eyes looking more serious than Jimin was used to seeing in him, “It’s what I’ve always done. If it had a chance of possibly getting your attention, I’d do it.” Jeongguk broke eye contact and busied himself covering up with the sheet, clearly feeling embarrassed by his staging.
“Oh, baby.” Jimin gave up the fight and walked across the room, giving in to the urge to touch him. He needed to touch him like he needed air to breathe. It’d always been like this for him. Now, alone as they were, there was no need to hold back anymore. He dropped his towel as he went and climbed under the sheet with him, bringing his body flush against Jeongguk’s side. It was only after he’d coaxed Jeongguk to lay down so he could put his head on his chest and trap the younger’s legs with his own that it set in that they were both naked. It was a position they’d been in hundreds of times over the years, if not thousands, just with a hell of a lot more skin contact. They were taking things to a whole new level, and he was trying to be present in the moment, so he would remember it forever.
Once he became consciously aware of his dick squashed against the younger man’s hip, it hardened in record time. If the heat he felt in his cheeks was anything to go by, he had to be terribly flushed. shaking off that distraction, he made himself focus and provide comfort. “You have me. You’ve always had me. Long before you realized you wanted me. I’m not going anywhere sweetheart. I'm done running.” He felt Jeongguk’s left arm tighten around his back as his right hand grasped his knee, locking him into place, pushing Jimin's dick further into his hip. The unexpected pleasure punched a moan from his throat, which made Jeongguk freeze, though it didn’t last long. Jeongguk ground his hip against Jimin’s erection again and again.
Jimin loved that the younger was obviously enjoying pushing and pulling him against his hip. Jeongguk had figured out long ago that Jimin loved it when he displayed his strength. Now he was just finding new ways to use that knowledge. Jimin had no complaints.
Jimin grasped the bicep of the arm that was wrapped around his knee and held on while Jungkook rocked him. He let himself just feel and react instead of letting himself get stuck in his own head. His therapist had worked with him for years to help break free of doing that. It’s something both had in common, having to learn to let go and focus on and enjoy what was happening in the moment. They both used to beat themselves up about small mistakes or perceived imperfections in their performance or their appearance. It never truly went away, but they both were much better about dealing with it now.
So, he let go and enjoyed the pleasure being wrung from him until the younger stopped what he was doing. Jeongguk released his leg and reached under the pillow on the other side of himself, pulling out a bottle of lube. Seeing that made Jimin tense. Oh yeah. They were going to fuck. He forced himself to relax. He wanted this badly.
His reaction had not gone unnoticed. Jeongguk immediately started caressing his leg to comfort him, “Hyung, I’m just going to prepare you, okay? It’ll be no different than when you do it yourself.” When Jimin tensed more, not less, he furrowed his brow. “Did you want to do it instead?”
“No, no. I would rather you do it,” He blurted quickly.” Fuck, how did he explain that he didn’t touch himself. He’d much rather Jeongguk did it. He was the more experienced one here. He fought the bit of discomfort yet again at not being experienced. But they were about to change that. He really wanted this, so time to step up and communicate already. “I’m sure you’re better at it. I really don’t know how to do it.” There, that wasn’t so difficult. Right? He might feel like he’s combusting from embarrassment, but at least he said it. Yay, communication!
After an uncomfortable amount of time passed without Jeongguk saying anything, he made himself lift his eyes from the younger’s chest. Was that confusion, maybe worry? “What?”
“You don’t know how?” Jeongguk asked.
“No.” Jimin stated, knowing he sounded pouty and defensive. He softened his tone and said, “I’ve never had to do it to anyone and I… Well, I’ve never done it to myself.” He paused, realizing it was sort of a lie. “Well, not like you’re meaning.” He closed his eyes so he could say the rest. “I rub my rim and tug on my balls, but I’ve not pushed inside.” He lowered his forehead against the younger’s pec and waited to see how he would react. He was worried the younger would insist they talk more or insist they shouldn’t jump into fucking if he’d not even done something as simple as finger himself. He practiced just existing while he waited. Yay therapy.
Jeongguk kissed the top of his head and then softly said, “Okay. So, I’ll go slow, alright? Let me know if I need to hold still or pull out or add more lube. I’ll make it really wet to make sure it’s as comfortable as possible.”
Jimin had expected questions, disbelief, or him arguing since he didn’t have the most basic experience, but Jeongguk responded with understanding and kindness. God, he really had lucked out. “I love you.” The words just easily slipped out. It wasn’t the first time he’d said it, but everything just felt ten times more meaningful in this moment.
Jeongguk leaned in close and whispered against his lips, “I love you too, baby.” He kissed him gently as he used one hand to snap open the cap of the lube.
He knew it was coming, but it still surprised him when he felt gentle fingertips brush his perineum and slide towards his hole. He forced himself to relax and continue kissing. He trusted Jeongguk fully. He felt slick fingers find and start circling his rim. Pleasure shot up his spine, and he began to mildly rut against Jeongguk’s hip. He gasped into his mouth between kisses.
Jeongguk pulled back to speak, “You’re a fucking dream, hyung. I can’t wait to eat you out and fuck you on my tongue.”
The man was obviously trying to get him to burst into flames, because there was no way he was going to make it if Jeongguk started saying such lewd things. He was so lost in all he was feeling. It took him a moment to realize that he hadn’t said anything to that and forced himself to answer, “I want that. Oh god, I want that.” He began rutting harder, which resulted in one of Jeongguk’s fingers sinking up to the first knuckle, maybe a centimeter or two at most. It felt incredible, so he started fucking himself on the one, just letting it slide him open slightly at each thrust but not daring to let it go further. But then the finger disappeared, which caused Jimin to whine.
“It’s okay, love,” Jeongguk chuckled, obviously loving Jimin’s neediness. “Just need more lube. Don’t come yet, okay? It might make things too sensitive for me to fuck you.”
Jimin didn’t spoil that he’d often stroke himself through one orgasm to the next, loving how intense it felt. But then again, from all the stories he’d read, it sounded like getting fucked might be much more intense. He really didn’t want this to be over yet, so he was a good boy for Jeongguk and calmed himself.
The slippery fingers were back, and one was pressing inside of him, farther this time. It stopped at what he thought was likely the second knuckle, about four to six centimeters of one finger, but it felt huge and… weird. Nothing like the one and only time he’d tried to finger himself. He’d been young and really had no idea what he was doing. It’d hurt in addition to being weird. He’d used the only lube he’d had, spit. He found himself very happy with his new lover’s experience.
“Okay?” Jeongguk whispered against his cheek.
“Yeah, just a little weird. You can do more.” Jimin gave the go-ahead.
“Alright. I’ll move and when it seems like you are relaxing, I’ll go a little deeper. I’ll stick with one finger until you ask for more, okay?”
“Yeah,” he breathed out in excitement. It was going to happen.
True to his word, Jeongguk began slowly pumping his finger while he kissed him endlessly.
It started to feel better with each thrust inside of him, less weird. He began meeting him with each thrust, likely forcing it a little deeper, each time moaning into Jeongguk’s mouth. He wanted more. He’d gotten lost in how good it’d felt and had forgotten he needed to ask. “Another?” He moaned breathlessly. He felt Jeongguk’s mouth quirk into smirk and then another finger was pressing inside. The stretch was good, which surprised him.
After a few experimental thrusts, Jeongguk crooked his fingers and pushed directly into Jimin’s prostate, causing him to moan the loudest yet. He’d read enough erotica to know that that was what he was feeling. It felt intense. He didn’t see stars like so many stories said, but he wouldn’t mind if Jeongguk kept doing exactly what he was doing for a small eternity.
Jimin realized he was ready for a third finger and asked. Again, the stretch was amazing. He immediately started fucking himself hard on the fingers, pushing them deeper which resulted in the stars he’d read about. Whatever was being hit with the tips of those long fingers was amazing. He knew, without a doubt, his fingers would never reach that far. He panted, “Why is it… that going deeper… is so much better… than my prostate?”
Jeongguk answered, “It’s that second ring of muscle deeper inside. My fingertips are sliding inside it and stretching it. It feels fucking phenomenal for me too. Most people talk about the prostate being amazing. For me, it’s this.” At those words, Jeongguk pressed in to illuminate his point. At Jimin’s loud moan, he chuckled and said, “Looks like you’re the same. God, you’re beautiful on my fingers. You’ll look like a fucking god on my cock.”
A god? Fuck if that didn't make Jimin feel powerful. “Am I ready? I think I’m ready. I really want your cock. Please Jeongguk.” Jimin was getting impatient.
Jeongguk groaned, “Hyung. Fuck. Yeah. Let’s do this.”
And suddenly Jimin found himself straddling the younger. “What?” He questioned. He’d expected to be on his back with Jeongguk on top. That's how he'd always fantasized.
“It’ll be better if you are on top. You can control everything.”
“What? Control what?” Jimin was confused. What was there to control? Of course he’d had sex before, but they were quick affairs where Daeyong had prepped himself ahead of time. All he had to do was roll on a condom and slip inside and go. Daeyong had had plenty of experience between school in Busan and meeting again in Seoul, but he’d really had no patience to teach Jimin anything, which was the main reason he’d refused to bottom for him. Jimin felt like he was missing something as Jeongguk stared at him. He could see the younger man was choosing his words with care.
“I know you’ve had sex before. Tell me about your experiences.”
He looked at Jeongguk with deep surprise. His jealous ass wanted to hear about Jimin with another guy. What the actual fuck? It was a trap of some kind, right? “You want me to tell you about the guy I’ve fucked while we are having sex.”
Jeongguk's face and ears reddened, before he looked away for a moment, seeming to collect himself. Once he met his gaze again, he said, “Hyung, trust me. I’d rather not think about him. It’s just… I’m now realizing there are things I took for granted that you knew that you don’t seem to know. I need to know what you’ve done, so I can help you have the best experience.”
He sounded so earnest. So, even though Jimin hated his own inexperience, he caved and told him about the quickies he and his ex had done. Jeongguk listened intently while rubbing Jimin’s thighs to encourage him to keep talking. Jimin even told him about the last time that had made him really not want sex again for the longest time. It’d been the last straw for Jimin. Daeyong hadn’t cleaned well enough. “I’ve never been so glad to be wearing a condom. It was so nasty,” he finished.
At the mention of condom, Jeongguk stiffened and muttered, “Fuck!” He set Jimin to the side and started rummaging around in his drawer. “Please, please, please,” he begged.
“What?” Jimin was confused. He wasn’t sure what he’d said that triggered this or what was happening.
“Condoms, hyung. I… It’s been a while since I had sex. I didn’t think to get any, since we were supposed to be using only toys today. I had lube already, but I wasn’t counting on, well, you. I was hoping I had at least one,” He slammed the drawer, “but apparently I don’t have any.” He sounded distraught. “Hold on. I’ll go get some.” Jeongguk started grabbing his clothes from where he’d tossed them across the room.
Jimin really did not want to wait. He gave it some thought and came to a decision. They were together now, so why not go bare? “When did you get tested last?”
Jeongguk stood motionless suddenly. He’d been in the process of taking his shirt back off after having realized it was inside out. He studied Jimin for a moment, then answered. “After I got back from the states.”
“Okay then. How many hookups have you had since then? And did you wear condoms every time?”
“None. And I’ve always worn condoms. Always. Every time I’ve ever had sex. What are you thinking?” He dropped the shirt, giving Jimin his full attention.
Jimin blew out a breath and continued. “Well, I’ve been tested at all my routine checkups, and the only person I’ve ever been with was Daeyong, so I’m definitely clean. I’m okay with going without a condom. If you are…”
“I… hyung, are you sure?” He asked, looking gob smacked, but quirked a grin after he realized what he asked. It was the name they’d come up with for their travel docuseries.
Jimin started to giggle, and then lost it, laughing and falling over. Once he calmed himself down, he said, “Yeah. I’m sure. I mean, we are together. At some point, I assume we’ll not be using them anymore anyway.”
Jeongguk's expression turned hungry as he stalked toward the bed. Jimin startled at the sudden change and felt a little like prey with how intently he felt observed. Jimin yelped as Jeongguk plucked him up and set him on his lap.
Jimin found himself straddling Jeongguk’s lap, facing him. Holding him there, Jeongguk scooted backward and came to rest against the pillows and headboard.
Jimin swooned every damn time Jeongguk manhandled him. He didn’t have to hide his reactions from him anymore, gone were the days he needed to hide his awkward boners, well at least when they were alone. Jimin showed his appreciation by taking control of the kiss and grinding against the younger man’s dick. Jeongguk moaned and arched up into him.
After too short a time, Jeongguk broke the kiss, but nudged his forehead with his own. “Hyung, you’re distracting me. One sec. My brain is mush.” He took a few ragged breaths as he gathered his scattered wits. “Okay, so. Back to why I had you tell me about your experiences… It sounds like your asshole ex usually prepped ahead of time. You haven’t had to open someone up, which explains a lot.”
“Gee thanks,” Jimin griped.
Jeongguk ignored the complaint. “Look, I have been on both ends-”
“Was this when you were figuring out if you were gay?” Jimin’s voice betrayed his spike of jealousy. He didn’t want to look too closely at why. Down deep, he knew it would have been him if he hadn't been so pig-headed about being together. Jeongguk wouldn't have had to go to some random guy to explore his sexuality. Guilt raised its ugly head, colored with a bit of embarrassment over his inexperience.
“Baby, I haven’t done anal with a guy. Don’t forget girls like anal too, and you know I like my toys.”
He felt like such a dumb ass. “Oh. Right. Sorry." But he had to know what he did with the guy. It had been percolating in the back of his head since Jeongguk mentioned he'd explored. "Um. What did you with that guy, I mean? Or was it guys? Fuck. You told me I didn’t want to know… but I do. If you don’t tell me, I’m going to keep imagining things.” He didn't have a right to demand such things... oh wait, they were together now. He could ask about such things.
Jeongguk chuckled at him. “You’re adorable. I’ll tell you later, but I promise it wasn’t this though. You’re my first guy for this. Anyway, as I was trying to say, I’ve found that the person being penetrated, if they are on top, they can control how fast everything happens. They can pull off if more lube is needed. They can change the angle if it doesn’t feel right. Stuff like that. I don’t want to hurt you or make the first-time suck.”
Jimin chewed on that information for a moment. It warred with his fantasy of Jeongguk covering him with his larger body and just having his ass pounded. What the younger one said made sense. He agreed it would be best. He couldn’t help but pout though. “Okay. Fine.” He knew his bottom lip was jutting out a ridiculous amount.
Jeongguk chuckled and asked, “What? What’s wrong?”
Jimin sighed, “I just really like you on top of me, making me feel small. I always imagined being on my back the first time.”
Jeongguk considered his words, taking his time thinking before responding. “We can try it that way, but I need you to tell me what you’re feeling, like if you think you want me to change the angle or if we need more lube or if you want me to slow down or stop, okay?”
Jimin wanted to cry. Jeongguk was perfect for him. “I will. I promise I will.” He kissed him slowly and reverently, trying to convey just how much he appreciated Jeongguk.
“Okay baby, I’m going to make sure you’re still nice and open for me. Alright?” Jimin nodded and suddenly the world spun. He found himself just where he’d always wanted to be, underneath Jeongguk.
Jimin grabbed his thighs and bent himself in two to give Jeongguk all access. Jeongguk’s response was worth it. He’d been turned away, digging through the sheets to find the lube, when he turned back and saw what awaited him, he choked on his spit. Jimin started giggling but managed to inquire if he was okay.
“Fuck. Hyung. I mean I know you are flexible, but holy hell. You know what? Hold still.” With those words, he dropped face first into Jimin’s ass.
Jimin barely had time to react, before he felt Jeongguk wrap his hands around his thighs and a warm tongue lap at his hole. Jimin jerked and moaned. The feel of the tongue sliding in was unlike anything he’d imagined. Fuck, he wasn’t going to survive this. Soon, Jimin found himself pushing down onto Jeongguk’s tongue trying to get him deeper. It was about that time, Jeongguk drew away and slid in two wet fingers. He continued to lick and suck on his rim. It was incredible. “Another. I need another.”
Jeongguk complied and began fucking him in earnest on his fingers, hitting all the good spots.
Jimin was afraid he was going to come, so he pulled himself off the fingers. He grabbed Jeongguk by the back of the neck and growled into his surprised face, “Now. I need you in me now.” He let go of him. Then he lay back and grabbed his thighs again.
Cursing, Jeongguk wasted no time getting into position in front of him. He lubed up his cock and leaned over Jimin. He paused and took a moment to breathe. He lined up the head of his cock and started pressing in slowly until he was fully seated. He paused, waiting for Jimin to adjust.
Jimin was so turned on, he didn’t think to be worried until after Jeongguk’s thighs met his ass cheeks. It felt amazing. He finally understood what it meant to feel full. There was pressure, yes, but no discomfort. He noticed Jeongguk was watching him closely. He smiled and wrapped his legs around the younger man’s hips. “Move baby. I’m good.”
Jeongguk, let out a breath and whispered against his lips, “I love you,” and then he was moving.
Jimin’s world was suddenly, irrevocably changed by one Jeon Jeongguk and his amazing dick. Jeongguk started slowly and built-up speed. He held himself up with one arm and used his free hand to caress Jimin, sliding slowly from his hip to his chest, and finally to his face where he cupped his cheek. He kissed him slowly, exploring his mouth. He got the sense the younger man was holding back, but Jimin wanted more. He looked him in the eye and told him, “Faster. Harder. I won’t break.”
Jeongguk faltered for a second but then smiled. “Yeah?” He tilted his head in question.
Jimin grinned back, “Yeah. Show me what you got.”
Jeongguk straightened up and pulled Jimin’s bottom upon his own thighs. He grabbed Jimin’s hips and started pulling him on to his dick as he pounded forward.
Jimin scrambled for purchase, grabbing sheets at first and then grabbing Jeongguk’s wrists. His orgasm was building blindingly fast. The squelching sound of lube, the slaps of skin connecting, and Jeongguk’s grunts of effort just added to it all. And then he was coming all over his chest. He blacked out for a moment. When he came to, Jeongguk had slowed down and was gently pulling out. Jimin realized he hadn’t come yet, and he was not about to let him do that without him getting there too. “Don’t you dare!” He blurted out.
The words startled the younger, stopping him in his tracks.
“You better come inside of me or so help me you won’t be touching this ass anytime soon.” He knew it was an empty threat. He wanted more of this and soon.
Jeongguk looked at a loss for words for a moment, before he gathered himself, “Isn’t it too much?” He looked at Jimin, seeming to try to gauge what he should do.
Jimin was already shaking his head before he was done speaking. “Go on baby. Fill me up.”
Jeongguk groaned at the imagery Jimin’s words evoked. “God Jimin. Fuck.” He started slowly pumping into him. “Just say the word, and I’ll stop. Yeah?”
Jimin smiled seductively and told him, “I’ll be okay. Go on. Take what you need.” While keeping eye contact, he ran his fingers through the mess on his chest, coating them in his own release, and then brought them to Jeongguk’s mouth.
Jeongguk eagerly opened for him, taking them in and sucking them clean.
God, that was hot. The oversensitivity was sharp. He wasn’t sure how else to describe it. He could feel everything, the drag of Jeongguk’s cock was intense, almost too much, but he could take it. He began bearing down to see if Jeongguk would react, and he did.
Jeongguk’s groan was loud as he took the hint. He picked up the pace, finally sure Jimin would be okay.
Jimin started alternating gripping and releasing, which made the younger man moan loud. He lived for that sound. His own cock made a valiant effort to come back to life. He used his own release as lube, gripped himself, and started stroking.
Jeongguk’s eyes followed his hand as if hypnotized.
Jimin was hard and well on his way to his second orgasm, when the younger stiffened, letting out the largest moan yet. It was the feeling of the hot cum coating his insides that pushed him over the edge for a second time.
Jeongguk collapsed on top of him, no longer able to hold himself up.
Both were gasping for breath when a deep melodious voice carried into the room, “Well, now I know why neither of you were answering your phones.”
They both startled, and the sudden jolt made Jimin groan.
“Sorry, hyung,” Jeongguk murmured to him, apologizing. He raised his voice, “Namjoonie-hyung, can you give us a moment and we’ll be out after we clean up?”
“Yeah, sure,” he said, chuckling, not at all sounding surprised.
What the hell? Is no one going to be surprised?
“I thought he wasn’t coming over until 9.” Jeongguk said as he helped Jimin to stand on wobbly legs before wrapping an arm around his waist.
“Well, I guess we were at it longer than we thought. Look.” Jimin pointed to the clock on the wall.
“Oh. Oops. I can’t believe we were at that for three hours.” Jeongguk sounded stunned.
Jimin was surprised he wasn’t panicking. This was not how they’d intended to tell the members. Maybe it was because Namjoon hadn’t sounded like he had a problem with what they'd been up to.
They both giggled as they made their way towards the bathroom to take a shower.
♫
They had behaved themself in the shower... mostly. Keeping in mind someone was waiting on them, they’d managed to wash each other and only steal a few kisses.
“Ow, my ass. Carry me.” Jimin demanded with a pout, while he flopped back down on the bed.
“Yes, my prince,” Jeongguk responded with an eye roll and a smile. Jimin could get used to being called that.
Being carried bridal style wasn’t exactly a new experience, but it did feel new. He felt like a new person. Jimin figured it was the sex endorphins. Good shit.
As they entered the main area, Jimin buried his face in Jeongguk’s neck to breathe in his clean scent. He was really going to miss doing that when they were serving. With that thought, he lost some of his happiness. Jeongguk sat with Jimin in his lap. They looked at Namjoon, who was staring at them both with a pout.
“So… you guys are glowing. Was the sex that good?” Namjoon asked, the pout morphing into a slight leer.
“Yeah,” they both answered in unison and then burst into giggles, Jimin smacking Jeongguk’s chest.
“When did you guys get together?” Namjoon tilted his head. “We had a whole pool going on at one point, but then nothing seemed to come of it, so we stopped after years had passed, and no one’s guess had been right.”
“Fuck. Seriously? All the members?”
“And some of the staff.” Namjoon added.
“Is there going to be anyone surprised by us? Like anyone?” It was a rhetorical question. He took a breath and began to explain. “Okay, so there was nothing going on between us until… God this will sound crazy… Until I almost threw his engagement ring into the water during Seollal.” He wasn’t sure what more to add. Jeongguk nodded but otherwise seemed content to nuzzle into Jimin’s chest.
Namjoon stared at them for a very long moment, face impassive. Eventually, he curled an eyebrow and began with, “I have… questions.”
Jeongguk expanded on the explanation, “Um, yeah. So, the short-short version. Apparently, hyung thought I was straight. I thought he saw me as a kid and wanted nothing to do with me. I mean he always said he didn’t do relationships, so I never tried. Neither of us realized we had a chance with the other. When he was scouted for Tiffany’s, he bought an engagement ring for me, since it was perfect for me. Turns out it was the one I dreamed of. I think it was fate doing her thing. Anyway, he decided to toss the ring into the water and give up on ever being with me. I found him, before he tossed the ring in the water. We finally fucking talked. And voila, you’d think that is where it would have worked out, but… it got complicated from there, but here we are together, finally, tonight.” He sucked in a breath after that quick info dump but was smiling like the cat that got the cream.
Throughout the explanation, Namjoon’s eyebrows just kept climbing. He sat there with no further expression for an uncomfortably long time. Finally, he asked, “That wasn’t very clear. Could you try that again? But, like, slower?”
Jeongguk looked sheepish, “Jimin-hyung better explain it.”
Jimin broke it all down for Namjoon. It felt almost cathartic to finally tell their whole story, keeping no more secrets… well except for the dildo. They hadn’t discussed it, but that really seemed like something no one ever needed to know about, ever.
They talked until late into the night. About what they wanted and how they could accomplish it. Namjoon really liked Jeongguk’s ideas about coming out, but it all needed to remain theoretical until after their military service since much could change before then. Not to mention, the company needed involved to make sure they covered all angles. Speaking of their service, he told them they needed to apply for the buddy program asap if they wanted it approved before they entered in December. Then he was off to the airport, heading to Great Britain for some of his own solo activities.
Jimin was going to be utterly exhausted tomorrow. He had an early hair appointment to get his roots done just before a photoshoot, so he would be lucky to get four hours of sleep. Everything had been totally worth it though. He was happier than he could ever recall being, even after winning their first Daesang and having debuted at #1 on Billboard Hot 100. Talking with Namjoon about their plans to come out had brought relief. If their leader thought it was possible, then there was definite hope. He snuggled against Jeongguk who was already snoring quietly. It was only moments before he joined him in dreamland.
♫
The next morning, Jimin woke feeling more rested than he thought he should be for having had so little sleep. He stared at the sleeping man beside him as he ran his fingers through his soft locks. He caressed his face and gave a little peck to his nose. He sat up on the edge of the bed and winced a little. Oops. He felt his face heat at the reminder of what they’d done. Good. He wanted the reminder to get him through the day. Every time he would sit, he’d remember how amazing it had been. He would much rather spend the day with his new boyfriend, but unfortunately, they had responsibilities.
He busied himself, getting ready, making sure he had everything before saying goodbye to Jeongguk.
“Hey baby,” he crooned into his ear as he leaned over the younger man.
“Hm?” Jeongguk groaned, clearly not yet awake. They had enough history for him to know, he wouldn’t remember anything they said if he didn’t get him more awake. He couldn’t leave without saying a proper goodbye, but what should he do to wake him… that he actually had time for?
Studying him, he decided on a tried-and-true method that all the members had done to wake him. He climbed upon the bed and dropped heavily on Jeongguk, squashing him, which resulted in an oof of air knocked from his lungs, followed by a sleepy “hyung?” from the younger man. Strong arms came up around him, caging him in. “Good morning, baby. You going to kiss your boyfriend goodbye?”
That did the trick. His eyes were suddenly wide open as he asked, “is it time already, hyung?” He followed the question up with a yawn so big, Jimin heard his jaw click. “I wish you didn’t have to go.” His lip jutted out impossibly far.
Jimin could not help himself. He had to kiss that pout away. After a moment of kissing, Jeongguk wouldn’t open up to him. He pulled away and lifted an eyebrow in question.
Jeongguk shrugged. “Haven’t brushed my teeth.” He looked sheepish.
Jimin chucked and pulled away, standing up. “Alright then. Get to it.” He smacked Jeongguk’s ass. “I don’t have all morning. I need to leave like ten minutes ago.”
That was the fastest he’d seen Jeongguk move after having just woken up. He sauntered along behind him, happily teasing and touching his new boyfriend.
He’d never thought he would ever want to call someone that ever again after the shit his ex pulled, but Jeongguk was perfect for Jimin. They’d always had so much fun together, appreciated each other, and encouraged each other. They had learned over the years when the other needed their alone time too. They complemented each other well. Now they were just adding sex and a shared commitment to always be together… and someday they’ll raise children. Would it be easy? No, but they had each other.
After getting his proper goodbye kiss, Jimin rushed off to his apartment with a smile on his face and a spring in his step, happy to get his day started.
Little did he know what was waiting on him there.
Chapter 3: The Fall & Forgiveness
Summary:
The good, the bad, and the ugly... but then also the good again. I hope you all enjoy the end of their story.
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
The Morning After, Again (Jeongguk’s POV)
Jeongguk blinked, struggling to wake, thankful that he’d been able to get a few more hours of sleep before having to go into work. He had dance practice for his upcoming performances. The choreographies for some of the songs that would be seen during his album showcase were still being developed, but today’s focus was on the finished choreographies for his other scheduled events. Maybe he should have decided on fewer songs for his album, but the guilt he felt about not being able to write them himself led him into hoping ARMY might forgive him if he gave them more songs. His delay and the large number of songs resulted in not all having choreographies. Jimin had been right all along.
Thinking of Jimin brought back memories of the night before. He felt on top of the world. Park Jimin was his boyfriend… finally. After agonizing over it all, he hadn’t had to make a choice after all. It’d made him bold, causing him to blurt out every dream to which Jimin had simply agreed. He feared Jimin would back out with the morning light, but he had seemed to be still all in as he’d kissed Jeongguk goodbye for the day. There’d been no hint of fear or remorse. Jeongguk was living in a dream and couldn’t stop smiling.
He reached for his phone to text his boyfriend. Of course, Jimin should be at his photoshoot by now and wouldn’t be able to respond yet, but he found a text waiting for him already.
‘Hey baby. Last night was amazing. Thank you so much for taking such good care of me,’ he read, hearing it in Jimin’s voice. Jeongguk’s heart swelled, and his smile grew as he hugged his phone. The message’s timestamp showed it had been sent around the time he’d left Jeongguk’s apartment that morning.
He struggled with what exactly to say until he realized he was being stupid. He could say whatever he wanted. Gone were the days he’d have to agonize about wording, how the message could reveal his feelings. He settled on responding with, ‘It was, quite literally, my pleasure, hyung. I love you. Will I see you tonight? Don’t forget. I fly out tomorrow evening. Maybe we can facetime when I’m gone?’ Next week, he’d be traveling for a video shoot, but before that he was squeezing in a stopover in Tokyo to hang with his friend, Eunwoo, who he’d not seen in far too long. Idol life did not make keeping friendships easy, especially if those friends were idols from other groups. That is one of the reasons that the Bangtan members were so close. It was easier to nurture friendships with those you spent the most time with.
With the message sent, he set about getting ready to start his day, his smile never waning.
♫
Jeongguk hadn’t heard from Jimin throughout the day, but that was unsurprising. Jimin hadn’t charged his phone at Jeongguk’s. They’d been just a little distracted. He wouldn’t be surprised if it had died sometime during the day. He imagined once Jimin got home and charged it, he’d get messages.
After finishing for the day, wrapping up, and preparing to head home, he checked his phone again, but there was still nothing. He shot off another message to check in, letting Jimin know he was about to head home and was thinking of ordering something to eat. Jeongguk invited him if he wasn’t too tired and asked how his boyfriend’s day had been. He was grinning so hard as he typed the words. He still could barely believe he was allowed to call Jimin that.
When it was clear Jimin wouldn’t answer before the time he needed to order the food, he bought enough food for both just in case, ordering something he could reheat and eat before leaving the next day. As he was eating, he tried calling, but it went right to voicemail. Maybe he’d forgotten to take it out of ‘Do Not Disturb’ mode again. He’d done that so many times over the years.
But why hadn’t he messaged? Maybe he’d been exhausted and fallen asleep as soon as he’d gotten home waiting for the phone to charge. Jeongguk had worn him out, and Jimin had gotten very little sleep before rushing off. He gave a brief thought of going over to check on him. He didn’t live far, but he also didn’t want to wake him if he was getting some much-needed rest. He could always catch him tomorrow at work, surprise him in his studio, before he headed to the airport. He wouldn’t be surprised to awake to apologetic messages. He fell asleep, inhaling the lingering scent of Jimin on his pillow.
♫
Jeongguk did not, in fact, awake to messages, apologetic or otherwise. A feeling of unease was curling in his gut. He sent a good morning text and began to get ready. Just before leaving, he tried calling again, but it didn’t go through, not even to voicemail, which really set off alarm bells. Did something happen to him? If so, surely, he would have been notified. Granted no one knew they were dating, but everyone knew how close they were. Their staff would have notified him. He was certain of it.
Jeongguk rushed to their floor of the Hybe building. Prior to entering the management area, he pulled himself short, thinking of how to inquire without letting on that anything had changed between Jimin and himself. They hadn’t quite discussed how or when to inform the company, so, instead of asking, he opted to log into the company interweb to see what he could find. Navigating to their group’s schedules, his heart plummeted when he saw that Jimin’s schedule had been radically changed.
Jeongguk wasn’t sure, but it suspiciously looked like that their schedules now conflicted to the point that they’d not see each other for the foreseeable future. He choked back a sob, logged out, and headed towards Jimin’s studio to try to get some answers.
No one answered when he knocked. No one was in, so he decided he’d leave a note asking what was going on. But when he entered the code, it didn’t work. He tried again, but it still didn’t work. Jimin’s code had been the same since they’d made it big enough to warrant individual studios.
Nausea was rising and his hands were shaking by the time he made it back to his own studio and locked himself in. Had Jimin panicked to the point of completely shutting him out of everything? Fuck. Fuck. Fuck. Why wouldn’t he have talked to Jeongguk? They’d gotten so good at talking about things over the years. Everything had been perfect. He’d told him he was done running from Jeongguk. Had he lied? Had he used him? No that wasn’t Jimin. It made no sense.
He pulled up their schedules again and looked more closely. A lot of Jimin’s scheduled events had been pushed far out, except for the events that would be too difficult to move. That was odd and not at all like Jimin. That man would push himself to the point of hurting himself unless some said something more often than not. He rarely took a break or changed his schedule.
Had something happened to him after he left Jeongguk’s? How could he find out? He needed to find out if their staff knew anything, even if it started to seem a little suspicious. He breathed to get himself under control and brace himself for trying to seem normal, when inside, he was falling apart.
After approaching a few people, he discovered all of Jimin’s morning schedules had been canceled after he’d arrived very late, looking unwell. He left soon after talking to management. Everyone seemed to assume he was sick.
Jimin had been fine when he left Jeongguk’s apartment, so something definitely was up. Management told him Jimin was ill, but not to worry. He couldn’t push any further without looking too suspicious, and he’d made himself late for his own schedule. He wished he’d had time to go by Jimin’s apartment, but he needed to meet with his team and then go home to finish packing and head to the airport.
♫
In the end, he’d rushed through the day’s scheduled events and rushed to Jimin’s apartment anyway. Not his finest work, but he had to get through to him before heading to the airport or he’d drive himself mad and be unable to focus.
Jeongguk tried the doorbell, but there was no answer. He was afraid to try the code. What if… what if the code was changed here too? What would he do? This couldn’t be happening.
He looked over his messages with Jimin, looked for emails, checked who had responded to the meme he’d shared in the group chat… to see if he responded. Nothing. So, with a shaking hand, he typed in the code. It didn’t work. No. No. No. Please Jimin. Please. He tried the code again. No beep. No door unlocking. Nothing. He sank to his knees with his head against the door, his hands flat against the smooth wood. His body shook as he cried.
This was too much. There were too many questions and no answers. Had he done something or had it been Jimin’s fears? Everything had felt perfect, but had Jeongguk done something that hurt him or made Jimin feel uncomfortable. Jimin used to bottle big things sometimes, but they’d worked on that and had gotten pretty good at communicating. Maybe he just needed time to process everything. That had to be it. Jeongguk could do nothing but wait for Jimin’s verdict.
He needed to go, or he’d not be able to finish packing and might miss his flight. He stood, swiping the tears from his eyes, and drug himself away from Jimin’s door, not allowing himself to look back.
♫
Once in Tokyo, Jeongguk confessed nearly everything to Eunwoo within moments of entering his friend’s hotel suite. Of course, he skipped over certain parts, like the dildo incident and his arrangement with Mingyu. But otherwise, he tried to paint a clear picture for his friend, hoping to be told he was overreacting, that there was something he was missing. Once he finished his tale, he sat back and looked at his friend imploringly.
“You’re gay?” Eunwoo’s surprise colored his expression.
Jeongguk just stared for a moment, deadpan. “That’s what you take from everything I just told you?”
“Sorry, Gguk. It’s just... I’m so surprised. I had no idea. I’ve only ever heard you talk about girls.”
“Yeah. Jiminie-hyung said the same thing. It took me a long time to figure out I wasn’t bi. I was attracted to hyung well before I fell for him. I was in love with him by the time I had sex for the first time, so I figured my lackluster experiences were because my feelings for him were interfering. It wasn’t until I was with a guy, that I realized just how much I was forcing myself.” He shrugged.
“A guy? Anyone I know?” Eunwoo waggled his eyebrows.
Jeongguk rolled his eyes. “Dude, seriously. Are you missing the point of everything I’m saying? And no, at least I don’t think so. He was American. We didn’t exactly speak.”
Eunwoon’s eyebrows climbed into his bangs. “You had sex with someone, and you don’t know his name?”
Jeongguk shrugged. It wasn’t like he remembered the names of all the girls he’d been with either. “It was just some guy who worked on the set of my movie video. I’m pretty sure he didn’t know who I was.”
“This was before you and Jiminie-hyung got together, right?”
“Duh. Eunwoo, where is your brain right now? Look. Can we talk about me being ghosted, huh?”
Looking appropriately chastised, he apologized, “Sorry. Sorry, Gguk. This is blowing my mind.”
Anxiety started tightening things in his belly. He didn’t think Eunwoo was homophobic, but he was very new at this coming out thing. “Are you uncomfortable with me now?” Jeongguk couldn’t help but ask. It felt more nerve wracking than telling his family. His family had always been supportive in his life, and he was confident in their love for him. Eunwoo could stop being his friend.
Eunwoo’s eyebrows lifted. “What? No. You’re the same guy now as you were an hour ago. Just now I know you like dick.” He wobbled a bit in place.
Jeongguk facepalmed. Fucking Eunwoo. Maybe his friend had had more to drink before he’d arrived than he’d realized. “Okay, so… tell me. Am I overreacting?”
“Hell no, man. He’s ghosted your ass.”
Jeongguk winced and thought maybe they should table this conversation until Eunwoo was more sober, but then his friend continued speaking. “I just can’t believe hyung would do that though. He’s always told me if he’s had a problem with me. He’s the same with you. It just doesn’t seem right.”
It felt good to have validation that he wasn’t being stupid over this whole situation. “Yeah. I looked into it as much as I could, before I had to leave. I just hope he’s okay. What if he is really sick and not just ghosting me?
“He would have contacted you or let you know what was happening. Heck, he probably would have crawled into bed at your place to have you take care of him. This is definitely what ghosting looks like.”
A quiet sob escaped, grief overcoming him. He had to reign in his emotions before he could continue, his voice wavered. “Maybe he just needs time. I guess all I can do is wait.” He swallowed, realizing they had a joint schedule coming up. It was supposed to be a fun getaway, not an impossible task. “Hyung is bound to contact me sooner or later. He has to before our next travel vlog shooting. We have to figure out how to work together before then.”
Eunwoo winced. “Yeah. God Gguk. I hope it all works out for you. I’m so sorry, man. Hey, let’s go get something to eat, maybe get your mind off things.”
“Yeah. Alright. Just. Let me get my shit together first. Sorry. This was supposed to be a fun trip.”
“Don’t worry about that. This has got to be all consuming. I’m just sorry you’re having to go through this. It’s not fair.”
“Thanks man.” Jeongguk sighed and went to wash his face and get himself together. There was nothing he could do right now, so he might as well distract himself.
Birthday Plans and Relationship Woes (Jeongguk’s POV)
Weeks had passed with no contact. Jeongguk was no closer to understanding what had happened. His heart felt shredded. He had no idea how it still worked in his chest. Thinking back, the word boyfriend’, had been used multiple times. He hadn’t imagined it, right? Since then, he had tried everything he could think of to get in touch with Jimin. Whenever Jeongguk was in Korea, Jimin was never accessible. Not at the company or not even in the country, clearly by design.
Message received loud and clear. Quickest fucking relationship ever. They were barely together before it ended. Could it be called a breakup even with no discussion, no fight? It was definitely a ghosting. Jimin had gone back to working a full schedule and had been sighted by others. The staff were worried, saying Jimin had been losing weight and not looking well. He just knew Jimin was starving himself again, making Jeongguk worry. They may not be together anymore, but his heart didn’t care about that. He’d worry about Jimin until the day they died. He was certain of that. He continually thought about contacting his Namjoonie-hyung, but he knew Jimin was closer to him and probably needed someone to talk to about this, someone on his side. Jeongguk had Eunwoo and Mingyu to talk to about all this. Jimin was too private to have told anyone about this, so he refrained… for now.
He drowned himself in work, submerging himself in the comfort of it all.
everything sucks by vaultboy and Eric Nam
♫
Mingyu and Jeongguk were at Jeongguk’s apartment and discussing plans for Jeongguk’s birthday. It would be his first birthday without Jimin. Stab . There it was. Every memory of Jimin elicited an acute stab of pain. He’d thought about getting seen for chest pain, but he was pretty certain they couldn’t do anything for a broken heart. He realized he was zoning out again and shook his head to clear it, focusing back on his friend.
Mingyu and Jeongguk had been talking the whole evening, formulating plans. Jeongguk wasn’t free on his actual birthday due to work, but he was free the night of the 31st. Their same-age friend group was planning to take him out for food and drinks, which was the best they could do since their level of fame cut down party options, such as night clubs. Jeongguk had been having increasing problems when going out in the past year due to crazy fans following him. He loved ARMY, but some of the fans were excessive. He’d stopped doing so many live streams to discourage people from feeling too friendly with him. At least that is what he told anyone who asked. In all honesty, he didn’t feel it anymore. He didn’t feel like doing much of anything anymore. He had insisted his friends not do anything for his birthday, but they nixed that. He was having a get together and that was that.
Jimin had become a memory, a ghost to Jeongguk. He disappeared from their group chat. He never caught sight of him at work even if they both happened to be in Korea.
Dancing With Your Ghost by Sasha Alex Sloan
He still wasn't sure what he'd done or what had gone wrong. The morning after had been sweet. They’d discussed trying to line up their schedules for lunch. They’d kissed, and Jimin had left with a smile.
Jeongguk hadn’t realized he’d gone silent again until Mingyu spoke, “You know. Eventually, you are going to have to give up on him, right? He’s cut off all contact. That’s a pretty clear message.”
Jeongguk's world-weary sigh escaped into the room. He’d updated Mingyu on everything, including coming out to his family. “Even if I wanted to move on, I’m not ready.”
“You don’t have to date, you know. You could just go get laid. I’m sure you can get someone to fuck you into the mattress”
“I know that used to be me, forcing myself to be straight, but that’s not me anymore. And I can’t imagine some strange guy, not after being with him. But, hey, I still have you, right? As long as you still wanna do our thing, I’ll survive.” He forced a coy look to his face, determined to lift the mood, and ran his hand down his own chest.
“Yah. Don't start something you’re not ready to finish." Mingyu glared. "But yeah. I’m free whenever works, no girlfriend taking up my time anymore. We might as well help each other out.”
Jeongguk let the act drop, feeling like an ass. He’d known the breakup happened, but he’d been so wrapped up in his own pain, that he hadn’t been a very good friend to Mingyu. Concern colored his voice, “Are you doing okay? Do you feel like talking about it?”
He sighed, deflating. “I’m okay. I guess. We were just working too much, not taking the time to nurture the relationship. You know what I mean. I don’t even know how anyone actually keeps a relationship in this industry. I am 0 for 3 so far.”
Jeongguk grimaced. “We’ll take care of each other.”
“You’ve always got me, Gguk.”
He was truly thankful he did, the one friend he could talk to about anything. It's the biggest thing he missed about Jimin. They’d been close, and now he’d lost him forever. He found himself rubbing his chest over his heart often, worried people would start to notice. He’d tried to stop the habit, but just like moving on and accepting it was over, he was failing miserably so far. Besides, what time frame was enough to call it officially over? How long could he stay in limbo without losing his mind?
Jeongguk’s Birthday (Jeongguk’s POV)
The birthday gathering had been nice. He’d spent the night trying to not think about all the birthdays that Jimin had done something special for him. How had he not seen how Jimin had felt back then? Jimin had literally flown from Paris to Korea bringing him gifts and hanging for a handful of hours before flying off to another part of the world.
He’d never have that kind of closeness again. That much was certain. After a month of avoidance and radio silence, he knew it was over. Their friendship, their short-lived relationship, his dream. All of it was gone. He was starting to worry about the future of Bangtan too. Had they destroyed everything? He needed to contact Namjoonie to see what to do. This was about work, so he’d have to eventually call him, but he honestly didn’t know what to say, especially if Jimin had been talking about things with him.
After the umpteenth time that Mingyu had caught him sighing into his drink, he called it a night for them, said their goodbyes to their friends, and took Jeongguk home.
At Jeongguk’s, Mingyu gave him his gift. It was a very bendy dildo, long with lots of knobs. Jeongguk’s pants had become incredibly tight as soon as he'd unwrapped it. It was the first time he’d felt any sort of arousal since that night. Maybe he could take the first step in moving on tonight.
Mingyu hadn’t let him open it at the restaurant. They could have just played it off as a joke gift, but all it would have taken was one ARMY to spy such a gift for there to be a scandal. Too bad Jimin wasn’t there to see it. He would have gotten a kick out of it.
He sighed. Fuck, why did all thoughts have to keep coming back to him? Well, no more. The new toy was a great first step to start recovering, right?
Jeongguk prepared to play by doing a deep clean. It had been well over a month since he’d done anything with his own ass. He hoped his body would cooperate and he could get his mind off the man whose memory haunted him.
While he waited for his body to settle down, he did a short live stream, the shortest one he’d ever done for his birthday. He performed a magic trick and told them about his friends taking him out. He hoped ARMY wouldn’t be too sad about not getting more time with him. He just didn’t have the energy now and worried his sadness showed.
After signing off, he checked to make sure his body was ready and grabbed a couple towels to put down. Even though he was pretty certain there wouldn’t be that kind of mess, there would still be lube and residual water.
Mingyu cocking a brow as he watched Jeongguk move the coffee table and spread the towels. He asked, “why not do this in the bed?”
He froze trying to decide whether to tell him. He was trying to not think about Jimin, but all roads seemed to lead back to him.
Until that moment, he’d not realized he’d began to associate the bed with Jimin. He treasured the times Jimin had let his desires take over. When he’d sucked Jeongguk’s cock that first night, it had been like Jimin needed it to survive. He’d taken Jeongguk’s cock so perfectly, coming untouched and then commanding him to keep going that last night. How was he supposed to move on from that? How?
“What? What did I say?” Mingyu asked, frowning.
Jeongguk shook his head as if to clear it. He decided not to mention it. “Nothing. I’m okay. I just had a messy mishap in bed once. Better to do it where it’s easier to clean up.
Mingyu’s nose wrinkled, clearly envisioning what could go wrong. “Yeah. Okay. Makes sense. I’m going to grab another beer. You want one?”
“Yeah. Thanks.” Jeongguk answered, “oh and more soju.” His buzz had started to wane. He needed to bring it back, so he could relax and forget.
Mingyu brought the drinks and placed them near Jeongguk before excusing himself to the bathroom.
Jeongguk had downed three shots and chugged half the beer before he finished setting up and getting comfortable. Since the toy was long and bendy, he figured laying down and feeding it in slowly would be best. Jeongguk was already breaching his own rim with lubed fingers by the time Mingyu settled in to get a good view.
“Yeah. Fuck Gguk, this is always so much hotter in person. Doing it by phone works in a pinch, but nothing quite like hearing the squelch and watching up close.”
Jeongguk moaned at Mingyu’s words. “Fuck. I love your mouth. Keep going.” He urged his friend.
“Been a long time since I’ve seen you struggle with only two fingers. Has it been a while?” Mingyu continued.
“Yeah. Been too busy.” He groaned as he pulled out. He added more lube and pushed three fingers back in. The stretch was almost too much. Maybe he’d gone too long. Usually he could start out at three fingers. It also could be he just wasn’t able to fully relax. “Fuck. That’s… fuck.”
“You can take it, Gguk. That’s it.” Mingyu’s voice was breathy.
He panted trying to spread his fingers to stretch a bit more. He loved the stretch, but honestly, he didn’t need to stretch too much since this toy didn’t have a lot of girth, just length.
It became easier as his focus narrowed to the feeling… and as the alcohol started to hit hard. He’d pulled out a few toys of various sizes to help stretch deeper than his fingers could reach. He loved putting on a show, loved Jimin’s eyes on him. The intruding thought made him clench. “Fuck,” it came out as a sob. He tried to pull his brain away from the sudden vision of Jimin arching below him, exploding over his own chest, but it was no use. His fingers slipped out while he sagged.
“What?” Mingyu inquired, leaning forward, his brow furrowed, hand starting to reach forward, but hesitating. “That didn’t sound like a good ‘fuck’.”
Jeongguk sighed with defeat, mumbling, “just can’t get him out of my head. Just wish… he-,” a large sob broke loose. “Why doesn’t he want me?” Jeongguk felt fragile, everything coming to a head. He curled into himself.
Mingyu moved quickly, crawling onto the floor and pulling Jeongguk into his arms, onto his lap, holding him and rubbing his back, while he tried to calm himself.
They’d never touched while doing a scene, but Jeongguk was thankful for the comfort. Maybe they shouldn’t have attempted this yet.
Once Jeongguk got himself somewhat under control, he felt Mingyu’s flagging cock against his bottom. Jeongguk felt touched that his friend hadn’t even taken the time to pull up his pants. He’d just moved to give Jeongguk the comfort he'd needed.
The alcohol was hitting hard, and a thought occurred to Jeongguk. If Jimin didn’t want him, maybe Mingyu would. He’d always been there for him. True, the one time they’d kissed, it’d felt weird to both of them, but maybe that was because Jeongguk had been hung up on Jimin. Maybe things could be different now.
Without thinking any further, he begged loudly. “Fuck me. Please fuck me?” The words rang out in the silence between when one song ended, before the next began, so the request was clear.
Mingyu tensed. “Gguk, that’s not a good idea.”
He hadn’t expected the refusal to hurt so much, and just like that Jeongguk was sobbing again. “You don’t want me either?”
Mingyu pulled back and used his free hand to cup Jeongguk’s cheek.
Jeongguk nuzzled into the offered hand, needing the comfort. Everything was spinning.
“Hey now, I didn’t say that. Look, we’re both drinking. I don’t want you to regret it… and, well… Gguk, I’ve never been with a guy.” His face and ears were pink with his admission.
Jeongguk heard the words, understood them, but he needed to feel wanted. The pain of Jimin’s betrayal was excruciating. At first, he hadn’t thought of it as such, but as the weeks passed, he realized that was exactly what it was. A betrayal of his trust and a slap in the face for having dared to love, to hope, to dream. It was affecting every part of his life, especially work.
The last half of his album was filled with breakup songs. Hate You and Shot Glass Full of Tears had been especially brutal to practice. The songs had been chosen and recorded before their short-lived relationship. He would have avoided the songs entirely if he’d only known what was in store. They applied too well to his life right now. When he sang them now, there was a gritty, emotional quality to them that didn’t show during their original recording. He almost wished he could re-record them, but that just was not possible. The albums were already being made.
He'd been shifting his schedule around so he wouldn’t have to do those songs yet in hopes that by the time he couldn’t delay them anymore, the pain would be bearable. It was shaping up to be the biggest challenge of his adult life.
He shook his head to dispel the spiral he was headed down. He needed a distraction and focused back on Mingyu, wiggling his bottom hoping to change his mind. He could feel his friend’s length start to chub up. He opened his eyes wide and thrust out his bottom lip, a pout that had gotten him his way on many occasions before. “Please. I don’t want the toys. I want you.”
He moaned when Mingyu grasped his face in warning. It was clearly not the reaction his friend had intended, since he let go like he’d been scalded, making Jeongguk pout further.
“Hey. Hey. Not tonight, yeah? If you still want to do this when we’re both sober, I got you, okay?” Mingyu told him while trying to extricate himself from Jeongguk.
“You promise?” Maybe if he stopped drinking now, maybe he could get his friend to give in sooner. Responsible Mingyu sucked, in his opinion. He didn’t understand why they couldn’t fuck and just regret it tomorrow like regular people.
“Yeah, promise.”
Realizing he wasn’t going to get what he wanted, Jeongguk sagged into Mingyu’s arms, relaxing and trying to enjoy the closeness. The world was tilting. Maybe downing those soju shots so quickly hadn’t been the best idea.
A loud crash startled both. When they looked towards the source of the sound, they found Jimin standing in the living room entryway, with a hand over his mouth and tears filling his eyes. He’d dropped what looked like bags filled with takeout containers and drinks.
“No. No. No. No. Jeongguk. Oh god.” Jimin’s voice choked off on a loud sob.
Jeongguk got to his feet, unsteady until Mingyu stood and steadied him. His heart sang at seeing his favorite human until reality sank in. The man who’d promised him his every dream before abandoning him had just let himself into his apartment, like he had all the right. Jimin stood there crying and sobbing, which had Jeongguk seeing red.
“What are you doing here?" He demanded, anger tinting every word. He heard Mingyu try to get his attention, but he ignored it and shook off his friend’s steadying hand. He took a step toward Jimin whose gaze was on his body. Oh. That’s right, he was naked. He grabbed the nearest item of clothing, a shirt, nearly toppling over in the process, and held it in front of his crotch. He refocused on Jimin. “Leave, now.”
Jimin’s sobs grew louder. He looked from Mingyu back to Jeongguk. “You… you… why?”
Jeongguk hadn’t thought he could get angrier, but he’d clearly been wrong. “Why? Why? Oh. Maybe because my boyfriend ghosted me, blocking me out of his life. I didn’t think you’d have the balls to just let yourself in my place after locking me out of yours. I should have changed my codes too. I will rectify that as soon as you leave. Now go!”
Jimin appeared stunned, unmoving for a moment before he asked, “the letters and emails… You didn’t get any of them?”
Jeongguk wobbled as he took a step towards Jimin. “What are you on about? I haven’t heard shit from you since you left my apartment after using me. I got the message loud and clear, Jimin. Get out!” The last was yelled with enough force that Jeongguk stumbled, dropped the shirt, and had to grab the couch.
With a loud sob, Jimin turned and fled, the front door slamming shut behind him.
Jeongguk sank to the floor and started bawling. He felt inconsolable. He couldn’t believe Jimin’s audacity.
Mingyu lowered himself, pulling Jeongguk into his lap again. He’d pulled up his pants at some point and the material dug into Jeongguk’s sensitive bare flesh, but he barely registered the annoyance.
The music Jeongguk had used to set the mood earlier played on, mocking him, but he didn’t have the energy to do anything about it.
Jimin had finally made an appearance but had just let himself in like nothing had happened. Jeongguk hadn’t realized how angry he was until he saw him standing there, hurt… yes, but anger… That had been a surprise. At least he’d gotten the chance to let him know exactly how he felt. He turned his head into Mingyu’s neck, crying for all he was worth.
As Jeongguk’s sobs turned into hiccups, Mingyu hesitantly started talking. “Hey Gguk. I want to ask you something, but I don’t want you getting mad at me.”
“What?” Jeongguk sounded petulant to his own ears and winced. His friend didn’t deserve that. “What?” He asked again softer.
“Do you think it’s possible that maybe he’s telling the truth? It’s not like Jiminie-hyung to lie.”
“It’s not like Jiminie-hyung to fuck me and ghost me, but here we are,” he sniped, feeling heat in his cheeks.
“I know, but that’s what I’m saying. What if he did try to contact you.”
“Whose side are you on?” He snapped, letting his pain and anger bleed through.
“Gguk, stop that,” Mingyu snapped right back, never the one to let him get away with acting like that.
Jeongguk deflated. He wasn’t being fair to Mingyu, but he couldn’t come up with a reason that would make Jimin’s disappearance okay. He’d tried. Jeongguk had had weeks to imagine every scenario, and no reason was good enough to excuse how he’d been treated. There was no point in looking.
“Where’s your phone?”
“No.” He bristled. He didn’t want him looking, because a small part of him was worried. What if he fucked up?
“What do you mean, no?” Mingyu sounded like he was losing his patience.
“I’m not looking. There is nothing that can fix this.” Jimin had panicked and hurt him. That was all there was to it. He wasn’t wrong, damn it.
“What if you’re wrong?” Was Mingyu a mind reader now?
“I’m not.” Jeongguk was done with this. He needed to get away from this conversation. “I’m going to go take a shower.”
Worst birthday ever. It’d taken seeing him with his own eyes to realize that he couldn’t forgive him for abandoning him the way he had.
After having to grab the counter to keep from falling, he decided a bath was probably the better bet. He started the bath and went to grab a glass of ice water to try to head off the worst of the hangover.
Seeing Jimin standing there had been a massive shock, especially seeing him so devastated. He’d done that to himself, Jeongguk reminded himself. He would not have been in another man’s arms, seeking comfort, if Jimin hadn’t abandoned him.
He could feel the tears pooling in his eyes. He downed one glass and refilled it, then wandered towards the bedroom to get something to sleep in.
Jeongguk had just taken a drink, letting the cool water soothe his throat, when Mingyu burst through the bedroom door yelling, “Jeongguk! Oh my god, Gguk. You have to read this!”
He startled so strongly that he nearly dropped the glass. “What the fuck?” He asked as he set the cup on the dresser, almost missing the first time. He looked from his friend’s face to the hand where Jeongguk’s phone was gripped. Realizing Mingyu had gone digging through his phone, he scowled. “I told you no.”
Mingyu ignored Jeongguk’s complaint and went on. “Look. Hyung’s in trouble. Some asshole named Daeyong was in hyung’s apartment when he left yours that morning.” He paused, presumably skimming and summarizing. “His phone got broken in the fight. The police were called, but the fucker ran off before they got there. Hmmm. He had to change the apartment and door codes and his schedule, because a Hybe security override code was used to get in. Fuck, Gguk. They found out the guy had been working for Hybe for months under an assumed name.”
“What?” Jeongguk’s voice was weak. It felt like the floor was falling away. He sat hard right on the spot.
Mingyu scanned some more. “Ewww. He stole some of Jimin’s clothes and was wearing them and sleeping in his bed.” He met Jeongguk’s gaze. “Man, this guy is a real headcase. There’s a lot more, but it sounds like Jiminie is being stalked.”
Jeongguk felt faint. He yanked the phone out of his friend’s hand. He scanned the displayed email. It was from an email address he’d never heard of, but it was definitely from Jimin. He backed out of that email and saw there had to be more than 50 emails dating from a few days after their night together to the current date. He opened the most recent one and read it.
—————————————
Baby,
I know I told you not to contact me or come near until they catch him, but one little response would do my heart good. Not having heard from you in so long is really wearing on me. I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I thought they’d already have caught him.
It’s probably obvious from everything I’ve sent, but I miss you so much. I am more than a little desperate to hear from you. I‘m sleeping like shit. If I didn’t fall asleep listening to your old lives and songs, I’m not sure I would have slept at all this past month. I sleep so well with your arms wrapped around me. That’s my safe space. If you were here, I’m sure this whole thing wouldn’t feel so bad.
I’ve thought about trying to see you, but the thought of leading that crazy fucker to you makes me nauseated. The police have limited the time I spend anywhere that isn’t a hotel room or the rented practice spaces. I feel like I have no life right now, and there is going to be pretty limited content for my next album. I am so devastated, about all of it really. I just want this nightmare over.
The police still urge me to tell them who gave the hickies, and I keep telling them it was a random hook-up, that I don’t recall the name. I know that doesn’t paint me in a great light. There was definitely one cop who didn’t look at me kindly after I told them that. I wonder if he has a daughter around our age. Telling them wouldn’t help anyway. They tightened all the members’ security, and you’re as protected as they can make you anyway, so we would gain nothing with me telling them who it was.
I think it’s funny how they assumed it was a girl, wanting to protect ‘her’. I know someday we’ll reveal our relationship, but now and under these conditions is not the time. We can’t, not until after our service at the earliest.
It’s crazy. As much as I was not wanting to go public before, I am really wishing we already had. That way I could be with you during this, but that would also mean you’re stuck not being able to go anywhere either. I’m sure we could keep ourselves occupied though. ;x But I really wouldn’t want your career to suffer too.
I keep being tempted to blame myself for all this, but then I hear your voice in my head telling me his actions are not my fault. I hold onto those words every time it gets overwhelming. You are the light that is getting me through this, even though you aren’t here.
Daeyong’s absolutely lost his mind. I still wake up with nightmares about seeing him in my bed, in my clothes. When he saw the hickies you gave me, he went nuts demanding to know who gave them to me. I can’t let him come after you. He was foaming at the mouth at the thought that I’d let someone touch me.
They have to catch him soon. I miss you so bad, cuddling you, sleeping in your arms (even if you sometimes elbow me in the nose). TT The hotels they have me rotating through are nice, but no bed is as nice as the bed you’re in.
It’s been so hard going through this without you with me. I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I’m going to be scrambling to get caught up. I’ve decided to call my album Muse, after you. You’ve always been my Muse, after all. They’ve had me look over all the album plans to see which is most important and what I can cut out. I had so much more planned. TT
On top of all that, I can’t believe I have to miss your birthday. It’s not fair. I’ve never missed your birthday.
I can’t miss your birthday. I’m going to try to slip my security so I can see you tonight. I’ll bring your favorites. I’ll be really careful and watch my back. It will be okay.
See you soon,
Love,
Your Jiminie
—————————————-
Oh no. Oh fuck no. Jimin. Jeongguk stood abruptly and started throwing on his clothes, not bothering with shoes. He pocketed his phone and ran for his front door.
“Jeongguk? What are you doing? Wait.” Mingyu tried to get his attention, but he couldn’t focus on anything but Jimin.
Would he still be nearby? Did he drive? Maybe he locked himself in his car to cry? Oh fuck. What if he’s having a panic attack? Oh god I fucked up.
”Jeongguk. Wait.” Mingyu tried to get his attention.
Jeongguk did not, in fact, wait. He raced out the apartment door and down the hallway to the elevator, hitting the button a bunch of times. Logically, he knew it wouldn’t make it come faster, but he just couldn’t help himself. This elevator was never fast. He was tempted to take the stairs, turning to walk towards the access door when he heard the elevator arrive. He turned in place and ran back to toward it.
Mingyu came out of the apartment just as the elevator was opening and began running to catch up. Jeongguk wasn’t going to wait on him, he couldn’t. He’d wasted too much time already. Mingyu slid in, turning his body sideways to sneak through, causing the doors to open again. Jeongguk was already hitting the close-doors button a bunch of times while cursing under his breath.
“I turned off the faucet, so we don’t come back to a flood.” Mingyu breathed out.
Oh. Fuck. That was right. He’d completely forgotten. "Thanks. Just. Oh my god, Mingyu. I fucked up.” The elevator felt like it was taking an eternity. Jeongguk was pacing back and forth in the small space.
“Yeah. I gathered that from what I read, but we’ll fix it. What’s the game plan?”
Jeongguk may have a bit of alcohol still on board, but the water he’d downed and the adrenalin coursing through his system had kicked him into a less drunken state. At least he wasn’t falling over now. It was still difficult to think.
Had Jimin driven there, because walking out in the open would be bad from a security standpoint? Although if Jimin had slipped the leash to sneak over, maybe not. A taxi then? The parking garage would be the first place to check. They could decide what to do after checking with their valet/security staff to see what they knew.
The elevator doors opened before Jeongguk could explain his thoughts. “Come on,” he told his friend, gesturing towards the enclosed security booth. “Let’s check with them.”
He realized right away that something was amiss. In the years he’d lived at that location, there was always at least one guard in the booth while the other acted as valet, parking the cars or walking security rounds. He moved closer and peered in to see if he had somehow missed the person inside. It was then he heard a weak voice. “Help!” Jeongguk scurried around to the door along the side, finding it ajar.
Laying on the floor while grasping his side was one of the guards he’d spoken to often. Blood was everywhere. Jeongguk stuck his head back out the door and met Mingyu’s gaze. “Help! He’s bleeding.” He was panicked and still inebriated, not thinking clearly.
“Who? What?” Mingyu moved closer until he could look at the man lying on the floor. “Fuck! Can you call for help while I see what I can do for him?” Mingyu dropped to his knees next to the prone man.
Jeongguk pulled out his phone and obediently dialed emergency services. Once he’d explained the guard’s situation and how he thought the perpetrator might be the guy who was stalking his bandmate, he put the phone on speaker and laid it on the floor so the medics on the line could walk Mingyu through triage procedures.
With every minute, Jeongguk’s thinking seemed to be clearing. The extra adrenalin and the sight of someone he knew bleeding out wasn’t helping with that. He studied the security monitors that were alternating locations every 30 seconds. He hoped to find Jimin, needing him to be safe. Finding the guard, Kim Sunghoon, in such a condition did not bode well though. What if Jimin was hurt or taken? This was his fault. If he’d listened to him instead of letting his hurt push Jimin away, the love of his life wouldn’t be in danger now.
Just barely in range of the camera, he could see two people struggling. “There!” he exclaimed, getting his bearings. He turned to leave.
Mingyu, seeing what he was about to do, tried to stop him. “Wait! Gguk. The police are on their way! Don’t go. It’s dangerous.”
Jeongguk slowed just long enough to say. “I know.” He glanced down at the guard who was now unconscious, hopefully just unconscious. “I have to.” Then he took off running.
♫
Jeongguk’s mind was full of what if scenarios. He had to protect Jimin. He couldn’t let his boyfriend be hurt, assuming he'd still want to be his boyfriend after this. But it didn’t matter if he didn’t want him anymore. As long as Jimin was alive, he’d gladly take his hate and revel in it.
Jeongguk turned a corner, and they came into sight. What he saw stopped him in his tracks. Kang Daeyong had a knife near Jimin’s throat. Jimin had a hand on the other man’s wrist stopping the knife from coming closer.
Neither man noticed him, so he ducked behind the nearest car. He stayed low as he started slowly making his way towards them. He couldn’t make out what they were saying, but it seemed heated. He was too focused on trying to hear what was being said, so in his drunken state, he hadn’t noticed the curb in front of him. He stumbled and fell hard against a car. The sound was loud, and the force set off the alarm. He cursed and stood, readied himself to go on the offensive only to be faced with the most unexpected scenario.
Park Jimin Has Had Enough (Jimin’s POV)
Jimin had arrived at Jeongguk's building by taxi and had planned to stay until he had to head back before security noticed he was missing.
Now he needed to call a new taxi, but first he needed to calm down and find a bathroom so he could fix his face somehow. Crying had ruined the makeup that he’d worked hard on to look good for his boyfriend, if he could call him that anymore.
Seeing how Jeongguk had been naked and sitting in Mingyu’s lap, his very naked lap, before throwing him out, they were no longer anything. They looked like they’d been moments away from doing it or, hell, maybe they’d just finished. A sob tore through his chest. The thought of being with Jeongguk had been getting him through this ordeal. How was it all blowing up in his face?
Jimin shouldn't have blocked Jeongguk’s number when he got the replacement phone, but the police were about to set it up for screen mirroring. They’d know everything with just a few of Jeongguk’s messages if he hadn’t. Jeongguk could have outed them before Jimin could talk with him.
He’d left a note in Jeongguk’s studio and mailed handwritten letters, hoping that would suffice until he figured something out. It was a few days later when it had dawned on him to make a new email using his old tablet. He was being watched closely for his own safety, so he had had limited avenues to contact him. How had nothing gotten through?
He should have asked to hang out with Jeongguk and gotten him alone somehow. He’d been paranoid, not trusting that Daeyong wouldn't go after Jeongguk.
Jimin could only blame himself for not ensuring Jeongguk knew without a doubt. No, that wasn’t entirely right. This was Daeyong’s fault, first and foremost, but Jimin was not innocent by any means. He had effectively ghosted the man he loved and was now paying the price.
But how had he not gotten anything? The letters he mailed were directly to Jeongguk’s apartment. He didn’t want them going through the mail sorting staff at the company. Did Jeongguk not check his mail for the whole month? Unlikely, but he had been traveling. More likely, he got a bulk amount and put it somewhere to sort through later. He really shouldn’t have assumed.
The emails clearly were going into a junk folder or something. He was afraid of that happening, which is why he had written letters too.
But what about the note he left in Jeongguk’s studio that first day? Out of everything, that one should have made it to him. Had housekeeping tossed his note? That didn’t seem likely. They never cleared the members’ workstations. He put it there, specifically, front and center. No way he couldn’t have seen it.
Wait... Had Daeyong intercepted Jeongguk’s note? He’d left the note before the police had figured out Daeyong had been working under his cousin’s identity at the company. Then… Did that mean Daeyong knew about Jeongguk? Had he gone back to the company after fleeing Jimin’s apartment and intercepted the letter?
But that meant that Jeongguk could be in danger right now. He had to go back, make Jeongguk listen to him. He used his shirt sleeve to wipe his face before turning on his heels and walking back the way he’d come.
Before Jimin could get oriented, an arm had reached around his waist. “That was a fast visit, Jimin-ah.” There was laughter in Daeyong’s voice. “Did dear Jeonggukie not want to see you today of all days?” He tsked. “I had to change my plans suddenly, and you know how I hate that.”
Jimin began to struggle until he suddenly felt something hard and cold against his neck. A knife? He froze, the feeling of the cold metal against his throat had him shaking.
“Or was it the company he’s keeping tonight?” The cruel edge to Daeyong’s voice sliced through Jimin’s heart.
“Fuck off!” Jimin growled, gripping the wrist holding the weapon to keep it from advancing. How did he know what was happening in Jeongguk’s apartment? Had he bugged it somehow or was it just a lucky guess?
“Now, now. I’d hold still if I were you. One person already got in my way tonight, and it didn’t go well for him.”
Jimin paled. Oh god. What if Jeongguk followed him out and got hurt? He’d been so distraught, he’d not been paying attention to his surroundings. Maybe Jeongguk had found the emails and had followed him out? Oh god. No. No. No. Not Jeongguk.
“You’ve been a very hard man to find this past month, Jiminie, but I knew you’d come here for your precious Jeonggukie’s birthday. Did you hope to get fucked like you did that night, hm?”
He knew! He had to have read the hastily scrawled note he’d left for Jeongguk. That’s the only way he could know, right? He’d been so careless. Jimin sagged, realizing he’d stayed away from Jeongguk for nothing, and lost Jeongguk for nothing.
If Jeongguk was hurt, he needed to get to him. Maybe he could keep Daeyong talking until he could find an opening. Come on Jimin. What would someone from a movie say to distract the villain? Ah!
“You left me alone for so long. It’s been years, Dae. I was weak. I waited and waited.”
Daeyong’s grip eased a little, but not enough to break through yet. Suppressing a shudder, Jimin leaned back against him, but although the knife hand relaxed a little, Daeyong’s hold around his waist tightened. Shit. Maybe that wasn’t the right thing.
Daeyong’s tone softened. ”Jiminie. First, I had to get out of prison after that fucking company of yours put me there. Then I had to get enough dirt on my cousin, so I could blackmail him into letting me use his identity. When I got hired as security, I was afraid they would tell me you’d moved on, but they told me you never needed security coverage for dates, because as far as anyone there could tell, you’d never dated. I was so happy you waited for me. My plan for us was going so well.”
Daeyong seemed to remember he was angry and pressed the knife against Jimin’s neck.
Jimin braced himself, fearing the end, but the blade didn’t bite into the skin. It felt wet, but there was no pain. Was it so sharp, he didn’t feel the cut or… Did it have a flat side? But why was it wet? Fuck. Jeongguk. He had to get out of this somehow and find him.
Daeyong’s voice went as hard as flint. “Why couldn’t you have waited just a little longer? That night I was going to reveal myself to you, so we would be together, but he’d finally wiggled his way in. I’d known he had a thing for you back then. You didn’t believe me and laughed it off, but I’d seen it. You should have waited!” Daeyong was nearly yelling now. “I worked so hard and suffered so much so we could be together right under the company’s nose. No one would’ve known. Everything was supposed to be perfect!” Daeyong’s breathed heaved against Jimin’s ear.
Jimin tensed, not sure what to do. The thought of Jeongguk bleeding out galvanized him. He took a breath, steeling himself and leaning on what had just happened upstairs to really sell what he was about to say. “I don’t want him anymore. He’s fucking someone else right now.” Tears started streaming immediately. He didn’t even have to pretend to be hurt, the picture of Jeongguk and Mingyu together was seared into his memory forever.
“He didn’t wait very long.” Daeyong sneered.
The words cut deep. He had to remind himself that Jeongguk believed Jimin had used and left him. How long would Jimin have waited in that scenario? It looked bad. He would have been devastated. But no. He couldn’t think of that now. He shook the thoughts away and let his distress show. “He didn’t. Not like I waited for you.” But this time, his words seemed to fall on deaf ears as Daeyong became more agitated.
“You let him inside you. How could you? No matter how much I begged, you never let me. Was I not good enough?”
Confusion flooded Jimin. “What-,” he began to ask, but was interrupted by a resounding thump followed by a screeching car alarm. Daeyong whipped his head toward the sound.
It was the opening Jimin had waited for and used it to his advantage.
He stomped on Daeyong’s foot while simultaneously giving a sharp push with his hand to knock the knife away. The knife went skittering and Jimin followed up by whirling around and throwing an uppercut. Daeyong’s head snapped back but Jimin was relentless, throwing more punches, forcing the asshole backward. He used the distance he’d gained to kick Daeyong in the stomach, making him bend over and exposing the back of his head for Jimin’s follow up kick, which forced his attacker to the ground.
Jimin wasn’t done yet. He let his true feelings out with each strike. “You’re the reason he’s with someone else!” Kick. “I lost him because of you!” Another kick. “I had everything!” Kick. “You took everything from me!” Kick. “I hate you!” The next kick was interrupted by strong arms wrapping around his middle and a wonderfully familiar voice sounding in his ear.
“Hyung. Stop. He’s done. You did it.”
Jeongguk’s breath smelled of alcohol but was warm against his neck. He was alright. He was alright . Jimin sagged in relief and looked at his attacker. Daeyong was sprawled on the ground heaving breaths, seeming disoriented. He had a split lip and his right eye was in the process of swelling closed. Jimin felt no sympathy for the asshole who had caused him years of distress and, now, had caused him to lose the one person he held dearest. He tried to pull out of Jeongguk’s arms to continue attacking.
“Baby, please,” Jeongguk tried again, refusing to let go.
Those two words doused most of the raging fire inside, causing Jimin to sag in the younger man’s arms. He wasn’t sure what to think or do next, suddenly feeling very numb and confused. Jeongguk continued to hold him while he processed everything that had just happened.
Jimin should be worried about Daeyong and the fact that he’d just been held at knife point, but his thoughts focused only on trying to figure out what it meant for Jeongguk to have called him that. Did it mean anything? Habit maybe. He’d thrown him out, so why was he suddenly here, holding him? He was afraid to move; afraid it would break the spell and Jeongguk would push him away.
Jeongguk was the one that finally made the first move. He turned Jimin around and started wiping away the tears he hadn’t noticed. When had he started crying? There was so much he wanted to ask but was too afraid to do so. He just stood there, letting Jeongguk do whatever he wanted.
In the end, Jeongguk broke the silence. “I’m so sorry, hyung. I’m sorry.”
Before Jimin could ask what exactly he was sorry for, he found himself engulfed in a tight hug. He was surprised to feel Jeongguk shaking, just before the first sob came.
In between broken cries, Jeongguk blurted, “You changed your door codes, blocked my number, changed your schedule until I couldn’t see you at all. What was I supposed to think?" He squeezed him tighter. “I should have listened to you tonight, but I was so hurt. Oh god, hyung, I could’ve lost you!”
Jimin hugged the younger man back just as tightly while he tried to gather his thoughts. “Hyung’s okay,” he whispered as if to make himself believe it too. “I’m okay.”
Eventually, Jeongguk released the bear hold and pulled back. As he opened his mouth to speak, his eyes widened, focusing on something behind Jimin. One moment he was staring into Jeongguk’s beautiful face, the next Jimin was landing on his bottom. He could see that Jeongguk had flung himself in the other direction.
Confusion reigned for only a split second before Daeyong’s body flew through where they’d just been standing.
Daeyong stumbled, not having expected to meet air with the knife he’d recovered. His face was contorted with fury.
“Freeze! Police!” A voice rang loudly through the parking structure as armed officers swarmed the area.
Daeyong screamed and was clearly bracing to attack again, this time aimed towards Jeongguk.
Jimin’s body tensed, preparing to kick Daeyong’s legs out from under him in hopes of saving Jeongguk but before he could act, Daeyong’s body started convulsing and falling to the ground, the knife clattering once again. Jimin noticed the taser wires and traced them towards the closest police officer. Finally, the calvary had arrived.
He shifted his gaze to the man he loved more than anything on this earth. Jeongguk’s quick thinking had literally saved their lives, even if he was going to have a bruise on his ass from the hard landing. Bruises would heal, but would their hearts? Could they come back from this?
The Fallout (Jeongguk’s POV)
What came next felt like utter chaos, organized chaos, but chaos all the same. Jeongguk and Mingyu had been pulled to the side to await questioning by the police while Jimin was being treated by paramedics.
He’d split his knuckles on Daeyong’s face and had a few bumps and bruises but otherwise seemed unharmed. The relief Jeongguk felt was palpable. Jeongguk had a visceral need to hold Jimin.
They were all being held separately. Jeongguk desperately wanted to make sure everyone knew to not reveal anything, but they weren't allowed to speak to each other. When he asked, the officer said it was so they couldn't discuss what happened and compromise the veracity of their statements. Standard procedure.
His stomach clenched with worry. He knew Jimin didn’t want to come out yet. They’d discussed in ten years, when they were going to start a family or maybe a little sooner. His email had said he wished it was sooner, but he wasn’t about to believe that was more than him missing Jeongguk. He made the decision to omit some of the truth from the police, a terrifying concept. They could get in real trouble if they all weren’t on board.
They took Jeongguk first to speak to the detective taking the statements. Jeongguk stuck as close to the truth as possible, turning sexy times to them just hanging out. The story was they were best friends and band mates who’d gotten into an argument about Jimin having disappeared without telling him what was going on with the stalker situation. It was basically all true.
By the time Jeongguk was released, there seemed to be significantly less police personnel around. He was asked to send over Mingyu. He nearly sagged in relief, because he was able to indicate to Mingyu how he’d handled the questioning, so hopefully their stories would match. He was pretty sure, they normally weren’t supposed to have one witness go fetch another, but it seemed the universe was looking out for them.
He was stressing about how to let Jimin know the plan and could only give Jimin a thumbs up and a smile as he saw him leave the ambulance across the garage.
In another stroke of luck, the officer leading Jimin over for questioning saw Jeongguk was still waiting and stopped to tell him he was free to go.
Jeongguk responded that he was going to wait on his friend , so they could resolve their argument now that he knew why he’d disappeared without a word. Hopefully it was good enough. Jimin’s eyes had widened at the word, so he felt the message had gotten through. He could only hope.
While waiting during Jimin’s questioning, Jeongguk sent Mingyu up to his apartment to shower off the residual blood. The police had escorted him to the bathroom before his questioning and provided him with some ugly scrubs so he could get out of his blood-soaked clothing. While there, he assumed Mingyu would hide the toys and clean up the living room. He hoped anyway, because he couldn’t just ask that with so many people around.
While waiting, he read through all of Jimin’s emails. It had been heart wrenching to realize Jimin had been going through all that, alone, while Jeongguk had thought the worst of him. He wasn’t sure he could apologize enough to make up for how he’d treated Jimin and for what he’d almost done, what he’d been in the process of begging for when Jimin walked in. He hoped his hyung could forgive him.
By the time he’d finished reading, many of the officers had left. He supposed that it made sense. The threat was gone, and the evidence had already been gathered. All that was left was the questioning.
Mingyu came back just as Jimin was released.
Before Jeongguk could greet his hyung, Mingyu jumped in. “Hyung, you were amazing.” When Jimin quirked an eyebrow, Mingyu explained. “I was in there,” He indicated the guard building, “holding pressure on the guard’s wound. I watched you on the monitor. You really kicked ass!”
“Uh… thanks? I really hope the guard makes it. Did the paramedics tell you anything when they took him?” Jimin seemed to curl into himself.
Mingyu’s brightness faded. “He’s definitely not in good shape. There was so much blood. They couldn’t really tell me anything though.”
Mingyu turned to Jeongguk. “Anyway, thanks for letting me grab a shower. No way was I wearing the scrubs they gave me out of here, so I stole these.” He gestured to the pants and t-shirt that clearly belonged to Jeongguk.
Jeongguk just shrugged. He couldn’t care less about his clothes at this point. He had other concerns. He had forgotten to ask about the guard and felt awful. He’d left the poor guy bleeding out with Mingyu to go save Jimin, who hadn’t really needed saving. He sometimes forgot how capable Jimin was.
Jimin spoke, breaking Jeongguk’s introspection, “He told me he had hurt someone else already. I was so afraid it might have been you, Jeongguk-ah.”
Jeongguk looked up. “Me?” He gestured to his chest. “I’m fine. Are you okay?” He ran his eyes over Jimin, wishing he could touch him, but afraid to try. Afraid it wouldn’t be welcome.
Jimin shrugged. “I’m okay... That’s not quite right. I will be okay.” He took a breath and looked at Mingyu and Jeongguk with a carefully guarded expression. Then, he bowed deeply and said hesitantly, “I cannot apologize enough for… everything. I’m sorry. I am so so sorry.” He stood back up, not meeting their eyes. ”God, that is so inadequate. I will forever regret not finding a way to let you know what was happening.”
Jeongguk almost opened his mouth to say something to comfort him, to let him know he knew Jimin had tried. The feeling of fear and longing for Jeongguk had bleed through every word of the emails Jimin had sent.
Before he could do so, Jimin continued.
“I thought I was protecting you. I really believed you knew what was going on.” His eyes focused on Jeongguk, awaiting on something from Jeongguk.
He wanted to say something but had no idea what to say. He stood frozen, his mind racing. There were so many things he wanted to say, but his brain wouldn’t focus on any one thing.
When enough time had passed without Jeongguk saying anything, Jimin seemed to deflate. “I’ll… get going then.” Jimin gestured toward the exit for pedestrians. “Let you guys try to salvage your date night.” He didn’t wait for a response this time. He turned and took a step.
Date night? Oh! Jimin thought they… but of course he did, and it was Jeongguk’s fault. He wanted to stop him from leaving, but what could he say? He needed to make this right, but he was immobilized.
Mingyu lurched and grabbed Jimin by the wrist, causing Jimin to respond with a twisting maneuver that ended with Mingyu’s arm pinned behind his own back.
Jimin let go and stepped back, surprised at his own actions. “Oh god. I’m so sorry.”
Mingyu turned back to face Jimin, lifting both hands in supplication. “Wow. It’s okay. I should’ve known better. You’ve just been through some shit. Sorry.” He took a breath. “Look, I just wanted to say you need to stay with Jeongguk tonight. You guys need to talk and work it out and be happy.”
Jeongguk was surprised at his friend’s straightforward assertion. He wanted Jimin to stay, but couldn’t Mingyu see Jimin was uncomfortable? He’d walked in on his boyfriend begging another man for sex and then had been chased out only to be attacked, nearly killed. He couldn’t imagine that Jimin wanted anything to do with him anymore.
They stood there silently looking from one to the other. After a moment, Mingyu rolled his eyes and carefully took Jimin’s hand and placed it in Jeongguk’s. “There. I’m gonna go home and sleep. You guys are gonna go upstairs and take a hot soaking bath and talk this all out. You will not leave this apartment until you have worked out everything. Am I clear?”
Both he and Jimin opened their mouths to protest, but Mingyu was having none of it.
“Shut it you two. You both are idiots and more in love than anybody I’ve ever seen. You are not going to fuck this up.” He glared and gestured from one to the other, driving his point home. “I am so done hearing him whine and cry about how much he misses you.” He poked his thumb in Jeongguk’s direction. “Do I need to stand outside of his door while you guys talk, or can I go home and sleep?”
Jeongguk met Jimin’s wide eyes. Was that hope staring back at him? Maybe Mingyu was right. Maybe this could be salvaged. “Shall we, hyung?”
The older man’s eyes widened further. “Are you sure?” He asked. Jeongguk watched a smile bloom on his face once it dawned on him what he’d asked.
Jeongguk grinned and answered, “With you, always.”
“Good. Now I’m going home.” Mingyu turned toward where his car was parked. He paused, looking back at Jeongguk. “Don’t ever ask me to fuck you again. Do you have any idea how weird that was?” With those parting words, he was off.
Jeongguk winced. And there it was. The unforgivable . He dropped his gaze and attempted to retract his hand from Jimin’s, but the older man wouldn’t let him. “I’m so sorry, hyung. I thought... That’s no excuse. I understand if…” He trailed off. How should he finish that statement?
“Jeongguk, look at me.”
Jimin’s soft voice pulled at him, but he couldn’t bring himself to face the disgust he feared he’d see there.
“Baby, please.”
That soft endearment gave him the courage to meet Jimin’s eyes.
“There you are.” Jimin’s soft smile was encouraging. “Let’s go up to your place, yeah? The security monitors may not pick up sound, but we should probably have privacy for this discussion. And a bath would be divine after everything tonight. Come on.” Jimin tugged at his hand, and Jeongguk followed along, equal parts terrified and hopeful.
Once they were safely inside, Jeongguk sagged in relief that Mingyu had cleaned up the evidence of their almost tryst. Discussing what had happened would be mortifying. He wasn’t sure he was going to be able to talk about it… but he had to if he wanted to fix everything, if that was even possible.
Jimin crawled into his lap and asked, “Hey. Where’d you go?”
Having a lap full of Jimin snapped him out of his daze. Apparently, he’d been pulled all the way to his apartment, brought inside and sat on the couch, without being fully aware. Once inside, he hadn’t been able to stop himself from staring at the spot where he’d been caught in another man’s arms. The guilt and shame was eating at him.
“I was just thinking about…” He gestured towards the area where they’d been. “I’m so sorry. I didn’t know, baby I didn’t know.” He hid his face with his hands, already crying… again.
“Hey. Hey. None of that.” Jimin pulled away Jeongguk’s hands, then hugged him, burying his face in his neck.
Jeongguk was surprised but quickly wrapped his arms around the smaller man. He was dumbfounded.
He felt more than heard Jimin crying too. He hugged him tighter, hating knowing he was the cause.
“I understand why you did it. I do.” Came the muffled words. “I just wish it had been me. I wanted to be your first for that. Mingyu is a good guy, but he was a real asshole for saying that to you about it.” He leaned back and caressed Jeongguk’s face, wiping away the wetness.
First what? Oh shit! He thinks we fucked. “We didn’t do it.” He stared deeply into Jimin’s eyes, willing him to believe him. “We didn’t. You can still be my first.” That was assuming Jimin still wanted anything to do with him, because he most certainly had begged for it. He broke eye contact. “But I did ask him.” He met Jimin’s eyes.
Jimin nodded for him to continue, probably sensing Jeongguk wasn’t done.
Jeongguk needed him to know why he did it. “I thought you didn’t want me. No, that wasn’t quite right. It was worse than that. I thought I had hurt you or done something bad, so bad that you cut me completely out of your life. I felt worthless, unwanted. It was my birthday, hyung. I was so sad that you’d miss my birthday, so I drank too much trying to make the feelings go away. I needed someone to want me. Mingyu knew I’d regret it if we did, so we didn’t do it.” He dropped his forehead to Jimin’s chest, willing him to understand.
Jimin’s hand immediately started stroking his hair, eliciting a sigh and shiver from Jeongguk. “Thank you for telling me.”
Jeongguk’s hands fell to Jimin’s hips and held him gently. They sat there breathing each other in.
He didn’t understand how Jimin could be so okay with it. He knew he shouldn’t pick at it, but he had to know. “Are we okay? Why aren’t you angry at me?”
Jimin sat back, clearly thinking, formulating his words.
Jeongguk stiffened, bracing himself for it. Jimin was a spitfire most days. He loved him for it, actually.
Jimin took a breath and placed a hand over Jeongguk’s beating heart. “I may be angry later. I might not.” He paused, closed his eyes, then continued. “I could have lost you tonight.” He took a stuttering breath and opened his eyes. “In the face of struggles that we’ll face, including this, the fact is that I could’ve lost you. Everything else we can fix. As long as you still want me and all the things we talked about, I know that everything will be okay.”
Jeongguk responded immediately. “Of course I want you. I will never not want you. Someday I’ll die, an old man, still wanting you.”
Jimin smiled, that beautiful big smile that didn’t allow him to see. “Then, we’ll be okay.”
Jeongguk truly was the luckiest man alive.
STAY by The Kid LAROI and Justin Bieber
♫
Later, they found out Hybe and Big Hit’s legal teams had swooped in and slapped all parties involved with NDA’s until they could get a ruling to keep everything under wraps. This stalker situation would damage Jimin’s and all of Bangtan’s careers and threaten their diplomatic status as a representative of Korea.
The lawyers claimed that Daeyong was a troubled young man who believed that Jimin and he had been in a relationship previously and was now out to harm Jimin since he couldn’t have him. Since he’d previously stalked and been convicted in addition to police witnesses of his clear intent to harm, it was easy to get a judge to agree to approve an injunction to keep it all quiet.
Daeyong admitted to plans to rape and murder Jimin and then commit suicide which was corroborated by the extensive journaling that was found in his apartment, along with multiple items that had belonged to Jimin.
The garage cameras caught the stabbing of the guard and had multiple angles of him going after Jimin with the knife.
It was expected that Daeyong would be going to a facility for the mentally ill to get help and would never be released.
The threat he posed was over, but Jeongguk knew Jimin would struggle with what happened for years to come and promised himself to be by his side.
Are You Sure? (Season 2) or How Taehyung Finds Out (Jimin’s POV)
Jimin knew he was a sight to behold on his knees eagerly waiting to take every bit of Jeongguk’s length. They didn’t do this often since discovering that going deep messed with their voices. They could sound hoarse for hours afterward, especially when they went all out like they tended to do, losing themselves in each other. Happily, they had no plans involving singing for the next week, so they were taking this opportunity to indulge.
Coordination of their schedules had been difficult since the attack, especially with the rearrangement of Jimin’s album release content. He was trying to include as much of the original plan as possible but also attempting to balance it with seeing Jeongguk. He was worn out, but happy. Once they both stopped fighting it, everything seemed to fall into place between the two of them.
The film crew had gone to the rental at Jeju and determined the needed filming angles and tested their equipment days prior. Then they’d been turned loose to vacation in Jeju and would be returning for Taehyung’s arrival. When the couple realized the house would be empty, they changed their schedules to eke out a little time for themselves by arriving early, a mini day vacation.
They’d cooked dinner, eaten, and cleaned up together while enjoying being together. Their original discussion had involved christening every room in the place, which was entirely possible with Jeongguk, but somehow, they’d spent more of the day than expected being comfortably domestic. They’d also been discussing what exactly to say to the remaining members and had a plan.
Taehyung would be arriving the following day. They would do some recording of their arrival and settling in. Then they’d record sharing a meal. The plan was to tell him about everything after filming wrapped. Jimin felt bad about having not shared things with Tae before, but his friend had been busy filming things for his solo work and had spent most of it out of the country. He’d just felt too far away. The things he’d wanted to talk about had felt too heavy, too important to not share face to face, not to mention he couldn’t tell anyone what was going on while waiting for Daeyong to show his hand. They were going to rectify that on this trip. Also, this trip was all about celebrating.
After the attack, the couple had applied for the buddy system program option for their military service and had received word of approval the night before leaving for Jeju. Even though Jimin and Jeongguk would be together for the whole of their military service, they couldn’t be together-together, so they felt the clock ticking. They would have to be ‘just friends’ in front of everyone for 18 months. They knew they could do it, but they’d already lost so much time.
Stuck with U (with Justin Bieber) by Ariana Grande
After showering together, Jimin didn’t say a word, just dropped to his knees on the bathroom floor and opened his mouth wide, staring up at Jeongguk with sinful eyes. No one could resist Park Jimin on his knees, silently begging for cock, especially his boyfriend.
Jeongguk stepped close and grabbed a handful of Jimin’s hair, tilting his head at a better angle, while gripping the base of his own length with his other.
Jimin felt the silky, warm head tap against his pillowy lower lip, watching Jeongguk watch the obscene view. Jeongguk’s eyes were dilated and focused on the sinful display.
Jimin had moaned at the rough grip in his hair but obediently let Jeongguk feed his cock into his mouth until it hit the back of his throat. He had to fight the tight hold to adjust the angle further, so he could relax his jaw and let Jeongguk slip further in while struggling to maintain eye contact the whole time. He couldn’t put into words how much he loved how he affected Jeongguk.
After receiving a few shallow thrusts, he realized that Jeongguk was being too careful, so he grabbed his hips and attempted to encourage him to move faster, harder. When Jeongguk didn’t seem to take the hint, Jimin pulled off, momentarily distracted by the string of saliva connecting them until it snapped. The heat in his belly intensified and he felt himself leaking even more. He reoriented on Jeongguk’s eyes and demanded. “Fuck my throat, Gguk. Don’t hold back.”
Jeongguk’s focus moved from his boyfriend’s spit slicked lips to his eyes. His expression started to cloud with trepidation. He opened his mouth to object, but Jimin cut him off.
"I can take it.” Jimin’s voice already sounded wrecked. “Use me.” He grinned and then swallowed Jeongguk back down to the root, both letting out loud groans.
“Yeah. Okay.” Jeongguk's voice was breathy. “But. Uh. Tap my thigh three times if you need me to stop or you need to breathe, yeah?”
Jimin nodded. He appreciated his boyfriend’s concern, but he really just wanted to lose himself. He immediately got what he’d wanted when Jeongguk started to move. The pace was brutal right off the bat. Jimin hadn’t expected to go from 0 to a 100 that quickly, especially after Jeongguk’s hesitance. He just focused on taking it, breathing as he could and relaxing his throat. He held onto Jeongguk’s hips for dear life. He was certain there would be divots where he was digging his nails into the flesh, which made him moan even more.
After that, things became slightly floaty. The warmth settled in his lower abdomen and began building. His cock was leaking so much, making a puddle on the floor. It built and built, his thighs quivering. He let go of Jeongguk’s hip and moved one hand to his length, cupping his hand under the head to gather a bit of the slick substance. It took all of two strokes of his shaft for his orgasm to hit him. He moaned and shook and just took what was given to him.
His muffled moans continued until Jeongguk jerked and pulled out. Warm strands of cum coated Jimin’s face and tongue. He felt euphoric, covered in his lover’s release. He swallowed what had landed in his mouth and was wiping his eyes so he could see his lover’s face when he heard a screech and a door slam. Their gazes jerked towards the bathroom door that had just closed.
Jimin would recognize that screech anywhere, but what the hell was Tae doing here already.
Jeongguk collapsed back against the sink, seeming to no longer be able to hold himself up. Jimin was gasping for breath and scrambling to his feet to start cleaning up when Taehyung’s deep melodious voice carried into the room, “Well, now I know why neither of you were answering your phones.”
They both startled, not expecting to be addressed through the door, both believing he would have already fled downstairs while they cleaned. Jeongguk’s wide eyes met Jimin’s as he raised his voice, “Taehyungie-hyung, can you give us a moment? We’ll be down after we clean up.”
“Yeah, sure,” he grunted, crankily.
“Oh! And don’t tell anyone about this yet!” Jeongguk added.
At Jimin’s grateful look, Jeongguk lowered his voice and told him, “You know he would’ve started yapping in the group chat immediately.”
Jimin could not disagree. Taehyung would have done just that.
“We have plans to tell everyone in person, hyung.”
Jimin raised his voice and added, “Yeah, please Tae-bear.”
“Tell people what? That you two are fucking? That’s old news,” Taehyung interrupted.
To which they both looked at each other confused. “It’s actually not. This is fairly new news, like super recent,” Jimin explained, starting to feel weird having this conversation with Tae, especially as he wiped cum from his own face.
“I don’t believe that for a minute, but whatever you say,” the voice became harder to hear as Taehyung stomped farther away.
Jimin was dumbfounded by Tae’s comments. What the fuck was going on in his head?
Jimin found himself being kissed soundly, knowing he needed distraction from being found out this way. They’d been planning to tell him, but this was so not the way it was supposed to go.
He was beginning to realize Jeongguk was really good at reading his emotions. Once they pulled apart, Jimin gazed at his reflection. “Oh my god, I’m a mess,” he chuckled. He looked down. “Oops. Looks like we need another shower now.” He chuckled while pointing at the mess coating his lover's lower extremities and the floor. “Then we can figure out what the fuck Tae is talking about. Namjoonie-hyung said they’d all given up on us getting together. Did hyung tell him, do you think?”
Jeongguk wrapped an arm around Jimin’s waist. “Who knows? I mean I understand if he realized we both were pining over each other, because we definitely were. I’ve watched videos of me looking at you that were so freakin’ obvious.”
Jimin sighed, “Yeah, I’ve done the same. I knew how I felt, but I always thought no way were you actually looking at me like that. I assumed it was all edited by ARMY. They’re good at that. I’ve seen plenty of spliced videos that made it look like you were over the moon for all the members.”
“Nope. Only ever you, baby.” Jeongguk let go of Jimin to start the water running. Jimin stood by the sink trying to get the majority of the cum out of his hair. God, Jeongguk had come so much.
They showered (again), dressed, and headed downstairs to get answers. First of all, he wanted to know why Tae was already there. He was scheduled to come the next day with the filming crew. They were supposed to have had the place to themselves the whole night. Realizing that they wouldn’t have that now had Jimin pouting.
♫
Downstairs, Jimin gave a peck to Jeongguk’s lips, before settling beside him. There was no use hiding it all from Taehyung now.
“You know, I didn’t come here just to watch you guys suck face.” Taehyung grumbled. “I feel like I’m back at my video shoot.”
“Oh yeah, I was wondering. Last we spoke, you weren’t certain you were going to make it here on time because of filming with so many people. Something go wrong?” Jimin asked, giving his friend most of his attention now.
“It was more like everything went right. Even though there were so many people, we didn’t have to redo scenes as often as was expected, so I was able to get out earlier.”
“That’s amazing, hyung! I’m so glad you came up with that concept. Representation matters. We need more stuff like that. Hopefully, it’ll make things easier for us in the long run.” Jeongguk sincerely praised him.
Taehyung’s eyes widened. “Oh yeah. That’s you too now, I guess. I wanted Jimin and all my LGBT friends to feel included, but honestly, Jeongguk, you had me confused. Me and the others weren’t sure if you were in that spectrum,” Taehyung confessed.
Jeongguk’s bit his lip, seeming to bolster himself, before uttering, “I’m gay, hyung.”
Taehyung’s expression was almost comical.
“But wait, what?” He blurted.
Jimin thought he looked like a confused puppy. He would have giggled, but his priority was making sure Jeongguk was okay. Coming out to those closest to you was scary, even if you were certain you’d be supported. He clasped and squeezed Jeongguk’s hand to let him know he was there.
Jeongguk shyly spoke, “Long story, but the gist is… I thought I was bi but turns out I was just forcing myself. It wasn’t until I was with a guy that I figured it out.”
Taehyung paused, gathering his thoughts. “A lot of us thought you and Jiminie got together ages ago and were keeping it quiet, but then you started fucking around a lot, but only with girls.” He paused thinking again. “I thought you guys had opened your relationship. Is that not what happened?”
“Opened?” Jimin wondered, feeling thoroughly confused. He knew that Tae was very up on LGBT lingo and concepts even though he was just an ally.
Jeongguk flushed and tightened his hand with Jimin. “No. Definitely not. Jiminie and I just got together in early August.”
Apparently Jeongguk had known what he’d meant. Jimin opened his mouth to ask what they were talking about, but Taehyung beat him to it.
Taehyung always did love the moments he knew more about something than Jimin, so he smugly explained, “Open. Like in an open relationship where you guys sleep with other people even though you are a couple. But I guess not.” He acknowledged Jeongguk’s answer. “Anyway. We had a separate chat where we used to talk about it. It was like we were gathering clues and taking bets when you two would fess up, but then you never did. I thought for sure I caught you both together once. I was doing a livestream. JK was naked and distracted as fuck. The next day, Jimin, you were so feisty at me. I just knew, but I couldn’t catch you.”
“You nearly caught us watching porn and masturbating. Or at least that had been the plan. It was not long after the four of us did the same thing. Once you showed up, we decided we probably shouldn’t do it anymore, so nothing ended up happening. It didn’t mean anything, although I wish it had,” Jeongguk confessed, while turning his eyes to Jimin.
Jimin returned his soft gaze. “Baby, it did mean something. I was hoping to try to push and see what would happen.” His gaze hardened as he turned it toward his friend. “I was so pissed.” Jimin silently fumed, even though it had been years ago. Taehyung had the worst timing.
Taehyung wasn’t fazed, having been on the receiving end of that look too many times before. “You’re going to tell me that hickey you gave him wasn’t from you guys making out? That was when we were the most certain. You two were hanging out all the time,” Taehyung queried.
Jimin turned back to Jeongguk, “I might have held on and sucked a little too much wishing it was more, but he stopped and put me down before I could push things any further. It was probably for the best. I was so drunk.”
Jeongguk stared into Jimin’s eyes with an adorable blush dusting his cheeks. Before speaking, he lowered his gaze to their hands, the blush deepening. “I’d popped a boner and was afraid you’d feel it. That’s why I was so awkward when I put you down.” He was silent for a moment, but then met Jimin’s gaze again. “I can’t believe we wasted so much time, hyung. We could have been together a lot sooner...” He dropped his face to Jimin’s shoulder, pouting.
Jimin brushed his fingers through Jeongguk’s hair. “We’re together now, baby.”
Taehyung hummed as his eyebrows raised. “Okay, maybe you guys haven’t been together that long… but why hide it from us? You know none of us would judge you, right?”
Jimin’s stomach clinched. He hadn’t meant to keep them in the dark. It’s just that they were spread around the country, globe in the case of Taehyung and Namjoon. “We wanted to tell you during this trip. Had the whole thing planned out, but then you showed up and… yeah. Sorry about that. Didn’t mean for you to find out that way.”
Jeongguk resolutely kept his face tucked into Jimin. He was too adorable at times. Jimin wanted to spend forever with this man. He needed to figure out a way to make sure Jeongguk never doubted him again. He’d never give him a reason ever again, he swore to himself and the universe.
“Besides, we didn’t really get to be together until a couple weeks ago.” Jimin’s face darkened. He didn’t want to bring up Daeyong, but Tae needed to know.
Jeongguk’s arms wrapped around him, understanding what was coming next. “Do you want me to tell him, hyung?”
Jimin tried to start talking. Honestly, he did, but he just couldn’t.
The struggle must have shown on his face, because all traces of amusement had left Taehyung’s face. “Jimin. What is it?”
Jimin gave Jeongguk the go ahead and tucked himself into Jeongguk’s side.
The plan had been for Jimin, himself, to tell a succinct rendition of what happened and answer questions after letting them know he was not eager to explain everything in detail, hoping everyone would save their questions for much much later, when everything wasn’t so fresh. He hoped Jeongguk didn’t ramble and stuck to the plan.
As he listened, Jimin felt Jeongguk did a pretty good job of explaining most of what had happened until he became upset about having almost slept with ‘someone else’. They’d originally thought about leaving the infidelity out but knew eventually something would come out. They were all too close. They figured it was just best to get it out there now.
Once Jeongguk started to stumble in his explanation, Jimin was able to take up the narrative until he too became overwhelmed. He started shaking and needed to stop, or he was going to have a panic attack. He could feel the tightness building in his chest already.
Jeongguk, the angel he was, realized what was happening and began rubbing the back of his neck and nuzzling against his neck. “Breath baby. Focus on that,” he murmured to him. Once Jimin nodded, his boyfriend took up the story. He laid his head against Jeongguk’s chest and focused on the soothing sensations of Jeongguk’s hand.
Once they had finished, they nuzzled against each other, comforting each other. They’d nearly forgotten Taehyung was there.
Taehyung sat for a moment with his mouth hanging open. Eventually, he exploded, startling them both. “Holy shit, guys! Oh my god. You could have died. Why didn’t you tell me?”
And there it was. Jimin knew Taehyung would be unhappy about not being told.
“I wanted to tell you in person, Tae-bear.” He pulled himself from Jeongguk’s side and went to Taehyung, who opened his arms. They hugged for the longest time.
“Still. This was important,” he mumbled into his shoulder.
“Yeah, but I didn’t want to worry you while you were working. There was nothing you could do. The police were mirroring my phone and recording all my calls. That’s why I didn’t text or call. I wouldn’t be able to talk about anything important with them listening.”
Silence reigned while Taehyung held and comforted Jimin.
Finally, Taehyung released him and looked towards Jeongguk and back to Jimin. “It looks like you two worked out the infidelity.”
Jeongguk winced at the words but nodded in response. “He somehow forgave me.”
Jimin wished Taehyung had not brought that back up knowing Jeongguk felt terrible about it. Jimin smacked Taehyung’s chest and pulled away. He went to Jeongguk and cuddled into his side again. “Baby, look at me.” Once he got Jeongguk’s attention, he went on. “I don’t care about what almost happened with him. I care that you were hurting. I care that I could have prevented the whole thing if it had only occurred to me to buy a second phone or borrow someone else’s phone and call you. I blame myself.”
“They were watching you and you were stressed. I don’t blame you.” Jeongguk lay his forehead against Jimin’s and brought his hand to his nape, caressing. Jimin needed the comfort. The more time that passed since that night, the worse he felt for not making sure the man he loved knew what was going on. He hadn’t tried hard enough. They both had a lot of things to work through, but they’d be okay. He believed it.
Taehyung’s voice cut through the moment. “I take it you guys are more than just fuck buddies then?”
Jeongguk flinched and Jimin sighed.
They should thank Taehyung for giving them an opening for the next part of the discussion, but did he have to be so crude? Normally, Jimin would find it hilarious, but he just didn’t have the bandwidth for it right now. The discussion about the attack had drained him, but this next part was terrifying in a completely different way. Jimin closed his eyes and braced himself for the ensuing conversation.
Over the last couple weeks, the couple had discussed their future in detail. The importance of communicating and verifying that the other understood had been branded deeply into their very existence, so they found themselves holding nothing back from each other. They’d learned the hard way that life could be too short and felt they’d wasted too much time already.
They wanted to start their family while they were still young enough to enjoy it. They’d seen other artists wait until very late in life. They didn’t want that. They felt the clock ticking now. They would not sit back and watch the other members get married and start families, while they weren’t allowed the same.
Bangtan had been their everything for so long. The members were closer than their own birth families. Although the thought hurt, they’d brought up the possibility of not receiving their support and discussed backup plans for their careers.
They could debut as a duet or focus on their individual careers. As a duet, they could at least spend more time together with their children. His mind was getting off track. He needed to focus. Be succinct. State the facts.
Jimin opened his eyes and stared intently at his friend. He licked his lips and began. “So, the truth of the matter is… we are dating, seriously. We plan to come out publicly after our service if all of you agree to support us. Then we’ll get married. Eventually, we’ll have kids when you all start having them, so we can raise all of them together.” He blinked. Took a fortifying breath.
As Jimin spoke, Taehyung’s eyebrows had slowly climbed into his hairline.
“That’s big. Like really big.” Taehyung trailed off, thinking.
He knew Taehyung well enough to give him a minute to process.
While he waited, he looked at Jeongguk. He could see Jeongguk smiling with pride, endearment etched on his face. How had he never understood that look before? Jeongguk had always looked at him that way, and he’d just written it off. But now that he was aware, it was plain as day. Now that look made him feel loved, cherished. He wondered how long it would take before he didn’t want to kick himself for not having seen it sooner.
When Taehyung finally came back online, he exclaimed, “Married? Kids? Holy shit. I love it.”
Jeongguk’s attention was drawn to Taehyung. “So, does that mean you'll support us when we come out to ARMY?”
Taehyung’s large, boxy smile dimmed. “Do you really need to ask that, Gguk? Of course I will, but why do you feel like you need to come out? Just do what the rest of us do when we find our one. Wouldn’t that be better? Just act like it’s normal.”
Jeongguk glanced at Jimin and then focused back on Taehyung. “Hyung, that is one option, but we talked about it. We know all eyes around the world will be watching us. We’d like to use that attention for good.”
Taehyung squinted, clearly not understanding where Jeongguk was going with that.
Jeongguk turned to Jimin, his expression begging for help. Jimin chuckled and took pity on him.
He turned toward his friend. “Tae, we’re going to put on a public courtship, proposal, and wedding. Spin everything in as normal and positive light as possible. We want to influence the public and the government, so that by the time our kids start school, all the craziness will have died down and there will hopefully be better protective laws in place. The sooner we come out, the less of a to-do it will be when they are in the public eye. We may even present our kids sooner to ARMY, so they have their love and support. This isn’t just something we’re doing on a whim. We’re going to do what we can to make sure our children have the best chance at a normal life… or as normal as the children of Bangtan members can have.” As Jimin spoke, Jeongguk had tightened his hold on him. He knew Jeongguk was happy hearing him speak of it with conviction. Facing his mortality had really made him reassess his priorities. This was his new dream. Did he still love music? Of course, but he could have more than one dream and he was willing to work for it all.
Taehyung sat back, losing focus, presumably considering the implications.
Jimin curled into Jeongguk’s side. He was certain Taehyung would have their back. They had just needed to ask.
They startled when Taehyung slapped his legs and sat forward. “I’m on board on one condition.”
The couple looked at each other, not having expected a condition. They separated and faced Taehyung, giving him their full attention.
Jimin’s voice quivered a little when he asked, “What condition?”
“That I get to be the best man of course!” Taehyung’s smile was wide, his whole face bright.
Jimin sagged. Fuck, but that had worried him. He smiled at his friend’s dramatics. He should have known. “Of course. You can be the best man for the wedding showcase for ARMY.” Worrying about how he’d take this next bit, his smile dropped. “But for the private wedding, I have to ask my brother first. It’s tradition.”
Taehyung’s smile faded only slightly. “Well yeah. Duh.” He looked confused suddenly. “Wait. They’ll be two best men, right? Who will be yours, Gguk?”
Jeongguk startled, then smiled. “Oh! I hadn’t thought that far yet.” His smile dropped as he took on a more somber expression. “It kind of depends on if any of the members don't want us going public because of how it’ll affect their careers. We’ve talked about it. In that case, we’ll wait until the contract is up. That way it shouldn’t affect you all.” Tears started to gather in his eyes. “Well, I mean, other than Bangtan being over.”
“Are you fucking kidding me? Everyone had Jiminie’s back. There’s no way the others won't support both of you now.”
“This is different, hyung. Knowing about your band members’ sexualities and keeping it quiet is a lot different than supporting them in a public relationship. We need you to consider everything that comes from supporting us and how it will affect you. I know you already said you’ll be there for us but take your time. Let us know once you’ve looked at it from all angles.”
Taehyung’s face contorted.
Jimin could tell he wanted to say that he didn’t need time, but Jeongguk was right. Everyone needed to think about this thoroughly. It would hurt, but they loved the members enough to want them to do what was right for themselves, just as Jimin and Jeongguk were doing. Jimin met Taehyung’s eyes. “I hate to make you support and endure the backlash of having gay members in your group or wait until Bantang disbands, so our gayness doesn’t affect your career. It’s a terrible position we’re putting you in.”
Taehyung’s face contorted with anger. “You guys are my family. I hate that you both think there is even a choice.” He stood up and began pacing the small sitting area. “Whatever happens, we’ll face it together. Like always... Even if I sometimes want to smack the shit out of both of you.” He stopped and faced them. “You got it?”
They nodded in unison and then looked at each other with wide eyes, surprise written in every line of their face. Jimin turned back to Taehyung. His voice cracked as he tried to answer. “I…” He honestly wasn’t sure what to say.
Taehyung stepped forward and pulled Jimin up and into a tight hug. Jeongguk stood and wrapped his arms around both of them. They were all crying. Neither had expected that level of support, but then again, maybe they should have. Their bond was tight, and Jimin regretted not speaking to Taehyung sooner. He’d kept so much to himself. All along, he could have been sharing the burden. Well no longer.
“Thank you, Tae. Thank you so much.” Jimin sobbed.
“Don’t think this is getting you out of trouble for keeping secrets or for subjecting me to seeing both of your dicks.” Taehyung’s watery voice took away some of the bite.
Jimin knew his friend would be cranky for a bit, but everything felt like it would be alright.
How the Remaining Members of Bangtan Find Out (Jeongguk POV)
The past couple of months had been stupidly busy, which wasn’t a surprise since Jeongguk had finally released his first solo album and attended his corresponding appearances. He’d been so happy. Everything had been perfect… well almost perfect, except for the stupid head cold he’d picked up. Toward the end, he’d gotten better just prior to performing in New York for a hastily gathered huge crowd in Times Square. It was a dream come true. So many ARMY cheered just for him, singing along, just for him.
Amidst all the world travel, Jimin and Jeongguk had finished their third Are You Sure? travel vlog. Unfortunately they’d both been too sore for any naughty activities during and right afterward. Snowboarding was no joke. He didn’t understand how anyone that wasn’t in shape survived a day on the slope.
The past couple of months had been amazing. The only thing that would have made them better would have been for them to have more than a few nights together here and there. They’d had so little time together amidst Jeongguk’s promotions and Jimin trying to fit in his second album’s content.
Most of their time had been spent messaging and face-timing. Not a day went by without contact. Although they’d gotten quite good at getting each other off virtually, they both yearned to be together.
They had planned to spend a couple days together just prior to enlistment as they packed up their apartments, but that had been interrupted when Usher’s team had contacted Jeongguk, wanting to do a video for the remix of Standing Next to You. Jeongguk couldn’t turn that down, and Jimin didn’t begrudge him working with their boyhood idol. In fact, he insisted.
Now, Jeongguk had arrived back in Seoul a half day earlier than expected and was preparing to surprise his boyfriend at work. Jimin wasn’t aware he was back yet and was expecting to see him the following day when every member was meeting. They intended to talk to the remaining members about them and their future plans. Jeongguk didn’t want to think about the stress of that yet, and he wanted to distract Jimin from it too.
Jimin had told him his plans for the day. As long as everything had gone according to plan, Jimin should done with work for the day and would be just packing up the things that he didn’t want to leave out for the duration of his service before heading home.
Could Jeongguk wait for his boyfriend at his home? Yes. Did he want to have sex in a ‘public’ place? Also, yes. Hybe was an obvious choice, a relatively safe choice. He knew the risk would be minor since many of the people from both of their teams were already on holiday. Jeongguk was done with everything he’d had planned for work. This Usher video has been a surprise, but a welcome one.
The only events Jimin had left were video shoots for some of his songs scheduled for the day after next that would be up on the roof. That meant their floor should be completely empty except for security right now.
Jeongguk gripped the bouquet of flowers he’d gotten. It was an arrangement made with both of their birth flowers, which had been more of a pain to get than he’d expected. Something about it not being the season for his tiger lilies. He’d spent more time locating a florist who could come through than on getting ready.
He paused outside of the studio door and checked that the small remote control was still secure in the ribbon wrapped around the stems. He then lifted his hand to type in the new code ignoring the slight twinge of fear that it wouldn’t work. His therapist insisted it would take time to fade, but he hated that it still persisted.
Of course the code worked perfectly. The door opened. His smile dropped as he took in the empty room, no boyfriend in sight. An open packing box sat on the floor and Jimin’s phone was on the chair next to it. He couldn’t be far then.
He set the bouquet on the chair and looked around the area, realizing there was nothing to clean up with or to lay down if (when) they made a mess.
He hurried down the hall to grab a couple towels and washcloths from the floor’s communal shower area. He was just outside the studio door, when the plug he was wearing suddenly started vibrating mildly. He jerked more from surprise than the sensation, dropping the washcloth from the top of the pile in his arms. Guess Jimin found the flowers… and the remote. He smirked happily.
As he bent to grab the wayward washcloth, the vibration kicked up to full speed tearing an unexpectedly loud moan from his throat before the vibration cut off completely. He quickly looked around to make sure no one was around to have heard him when the door opened. He whirled around at the sound and found Jimin smirking and leaning his hip against the door frame. The remote was gripped loosely in his hand.
Jeongguk grinned cheekily at his boyfriend. “Hi hyung.”
Jimin’s smirk took on an evil glint as he pressed the button all the way to the highest setting again, making Jeongguk groan loudly. At least he’d had a warning this time and could curb the sound he made. The vibration was making him lose his mind. He directed his biggest pout toward the other man.
Jimin grasped Jeongguk’s bicep, causing him to almost drop the items as he was unceremoniously pulled inside.
The door shut behind them. Then he found himself pushed up against it as Jimin grabbed the bath linen and tossed the items somewhere.
Jeongguk’s brain was becoming increasingly fuzzy from the intense vibration on top of being manhandled. Jimin’s plush lips met his own thinner ones in a searing kiss, tongue invading, taking over.
Jeongguk struggled to focus, but lost the fight when Jimin’s thigh pressed against his painfully hard length. He moaned loudly, which prompted Jimin to pull away. Jeongguk whined and found himself pulled by his shirt and tugged across the room, away from the door. Right. Someone might hear.
Jimin pushed Jeongguk down on the couch, but before Jimin could straddle him, Jeongguk hooked his legs around Jimin’s hips, pulling him down on top of him.
Jeongguk began rutting his ass against his boyfriend’s clothed member, miming Jimin fucking him and managed a breathy “Need you, hyung. Please.”
Jimin moaned and attempted to grab a handful of Jeongguk’s newly shortened hair. When unsuccessful, he pulled away to complain. “Fuck. I miss your hair.”
Jeongguk pouted. He did too if Jimin couldn’t pull it. He’d needed to get rid of the bowl cut he’d given himself during their travel vlog needing to look cool for the video. But he couldn’t think about that right now. The plug rested solidly against his prostate at this angle and the vibration was making him lose his mind.
“Please. Jimin. Need you inside me. Please.” Jeongguk continued begging, pushing his bottom lip out to increase the effect he knew it had on the other man.
“Yeah. Fuck. Alright.” Jimin muttered as he urgently tugged at Jeongguk’s shirt.
Jeongguk let his legs drop and reached above his head to grab the back of his shirt, to tug it off. If Jimin wanted him naked. He would be naked. He pulled off the shirt in record time, but started undoing his pants more slowly as he noticed Jimin just watching, seemingly mesmerized. Oh, how he loved for Jimin to watch him, but he was too impatient tonight.
“You too! Please.” He’d never begged so much in his life. He felt absolutely no shame about it. He was about to get what he’d dreamed of for years.
Snapping out of his daze, Jimin jumped into motion, stripping off his shirt quickly. Stepping back to undo his pants. Their skulls nearly collided as they were bending to pull off the pants.
When Jeongguk’s ass hit the cold couch, he remembered the towels. He pointed to the towels that lay in a heap near the door.
Jimin followed his gaze and a look of understanding crossed his features. He finished stepping out of his pants and dove for the towels. As he turned toward Jeongguk, his face registered concern. “Wait, Gguk. I don’t have any lube here.
Jeongguk was quick to assure him. “Don’t think we’ll need more, but I have a packet in my pants if we need it.” He lay back and gave his cock a squeeze, groaning, needing some kind of relief.
Jimin, who had now returned, was spreading out the larger fluffy towel on the couch next to him. Quirking an eyebrow in question, he asked, “yeah?”
“Fuck. Could you turn down the vibration on the plug? I can’t think or do words.”
Jimin’s eyes fell toward Jeongguk’s crotch and his mouth formed a small ‘o’ of surprise. “Oh shit. I thought it was like a vibrating cockring or something!” He gestured for Jeongguk to move over to the towel and then retrieved the remote, turning it down to the lowest setting, pulling a sigh of relief from the younger man.
Jimin dropped to his knees and urged Jeongguk’s legs open.
Jeongguk shamelessly spread himself with a grin, displaying the base of the plug. It was anodized and ranged in a chromatic rainbow of different colors. He’d chosen this specific one because the base was purple.
Jimin leaned forward and stared, laughing. “No way. Where did you find this?”
“LA, when I was there last.” Jeongguk was proud of this particular find. He’d been worried about getting spotted, but managed to get in and out of the store unscathed and unrecognized.
Jimin pushed on the base, which put additional pressure against his prostate. That plus being spread out, displayed, caused Jeongguk to throw his head back and let out a loud moan.
“Shh. You’re loud.” Jimin attempted to quiet him.
Jeongguk’s thoughts were taking on that fuzzy tint again. “Thought you liked me loud,” he half slurred.
Jimin let up off the pressure against the plug and told him, “Yeah, at home. We need to be quiet here , baby.”
Jeonnguk’s head swiveled toward the door. Oh yeah. This was going to be hard. He whined, causing Jimin to lean up and over Jeongguk, kissing him to muffle the sound. His favorite way to be quieted.
No, that wasn’t quite right. Jimin’s dick in his mouth was number 1. Speaking of his boyfriend’s dick, he needed it inside him asap. He pulled away from Jimin’s mouth. “Pull it out and fuck me. Please. I’m ready.”
Jimin hesitated, his expression guarded, no longer seeming larger than life.
Jeongguk may have been out of it, but not so out of it that he didn’t notice the change in his boyfriend. Somehow he was always attuned to Jimin. He fought the floaty feeling and let it disperse. He asked, “What is it, baby?”
“Nothing. It’s okay.” Jimin leaned back so he could reach the plug.
Jeongguk grabbed his wrist. “Wait,” he urged, grabbing his attention.
To say Jeongguk had given thought to everything they’d done so far was an understatement. He had jerked off so many times to the memories of their escapades while traveling the past few months, but something had twigged his subconscious.
On the flight home earlier that day, he’d let his mind roam and realized the only activities they’d done so far had involved Jimin bottoming in one form or another.
It occurred to him that Jimin might be a strict bottom. He didn’t want his boyfriend to force himself to top just for him. He couldn’t allow that.
Did he want Jimin to fuck him? Hell yes, but not at the cost of his comfort. He let go of his wrist. “It’s okay. You don’t have to.”
Surprise painted his boyfriend’s beautiful features. “What?” The question came out slightly higher than normal.
Jeongguk sat up and reached for the remote. Turning the vibration off. They needed to talk and discuss this. If Jimin wasn’t a switch, that was fine. There were always other options.
Jeongguk pulled his boyfriend into his lap sideways, his hip pressing firmly against his hard length, pulling a soft moan from his own lips. He gave Jimin a small smile and cupped his face. Jimin’s confused expression was adorable.
Somehow, they’d gone from Jimin manhandling him to Jimin being uncertain and seeming so much smaller than his actual size. He didn’t like this change at all.
“It’s okay if you don’t want to top. I never want you doing something that you aren’t 100% enthusiastic about… and if that means you never top, then you never top. Okay?”
Jimin’s struggle to organize his thoughts was painted on his face.
Jeongguk gave him time, while caressing his hip.
Eventually, he spoke. “Am I that obvious?” He asked.
“To me… yeah.” Jeongguk snuggled and buried his face in his neck, breathing deeply, absorbing his natural scent. He’d always loved it.
“Look. It’s stupid...” Jimin started, but Jeongguk was quick to cut him off.
“If it’s bothering you, it’s not stupid, hyung.” Jeongguk spoke into the skin of his neck, willing him to understand that whatever it is, everything will be okay.
Jimin seemed to consider his words. He looked down at where Jeongguk was caressing his hip. He spoke softly. “I want so bad to fuck you. You’ve made it no secret how much you’ve wanted it since everything that happened in Busan.”
“We can do other things. It doesn’t have to be that.” Jeongguk whispered, matching his tone, needing to get him to understand it was okay to not want the same things.
“I know, but I want to. I do. It’s just… I don’t have the fondest memories of topping.”
When Jeongguk tensed at his words, he felt Jimin’s hand cup the back of his neck in comfort and continued, “I know you are nothing like him. I want to erase those memories and replace them with you. I’m… just nervous. That’s all.” Jimin sagged in Jeongguk’s hold and continued caressing his neck.
Relief flooded him. He could work with this. Jeongguk was a true switch. He loved it all. He wanted to experience everything possible with this man.
“Thank you for telling me.” He held him, breathing in his scent for uncounted minutes, before pulling away and meeting his eyes. “Okay then. I have an idea.”
At Jimin’s questioning look asking him to go on, he went on. “Let’s do it in a position you haven’t done before, so it won’t make you remember him.”
At Jimin’s nod, although not entirely enthusiastic, was more relaxed than he had been, he continued. “So how do you want me, baby?”
The smile that graced Jimin’s features as he stood said it all. “Swap with me.” He extended a hand out to Jeongguk. “I want you to ride me.”
That was the type of response he had been waiting for. He was pulled into Jimin's arms where they stood and made out for a time until Jimin stepped away and sat down, patting his lap.
Jeongguk made a show of bending over, away from Jimin to remove the plug. Jimin’s groan was almost as loud as his own as his rim stretched to accommodate the girth.
He’d used a lot of lube which began to run down his legs at the loss of the toy. He swiped up the excess with his hand and used it to prepare Jimin’s cock as he settled onto his boyfriend’s thighs.
Jimin arched back and groaned beautifully as his hand stroked his length.
Once he deemed it to be lubricated enough, he slid forward and trapped his own cock between their abs causing pleasure to course through Jeongguk.
He slotted their lips together, invading the older man’s mouth as he lifted himself and aligned their bodies. He couldn’t manage to catch his tip with his own hole, so he resorted to using his hand to angle the cock. When the head slid in, Jeongguk arched back, breaking the kiss, moaning loudly.
Jimin grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him forward again, covering his mouth with his own to muffle the sound.
Jeongguk melted against Jimin’s body. The action caused him to slide further. The moan that escaped louder than before even though it was being suppressed.
Once Jeongguk realized he had a chance with him, he’d switched to using toys that were smaller than Jimin’s girth for this exact moment.
He’d always done exercises to keep that area toned from the moment he started inserting toys into his body, just because it made sense. He wasn’t sure if using smaller toys helped, but he figured it couldn’t hurt in the hopes he’d be tighter for when Jimin finally entered him.
He’d be the first to admit that in the past he’d gone a bit overboard with being a size queen before he’d realized he could one day be with the man of his dreams.
It was finally happening. He could say for certain that no toy could compare to the real thing, at least for him. A toy couldn’t pant or moan into his mouth. Jimin’s sounds were making him dizzy.
He lifted almost off and slid back down further, trying to be quieter. Honestly, he was.
He continued to repeat that until he was finally fully seated. Once he felt Jimin's hips, he sat there in a daze. He could feel him deep inside. Just knowing it was him there and not silicone was doing things to his brain.
Jimin was panting hard, looking almost pained. He would bet money that he was trying to not come. As he sat, they each caressed wherever they could reach.
Jeongguk mouthed at his neck and shoulder, breathing him in.
After what felt like an eternity, both having eased away from the edge, he started to move, slowly, enjoying the drag along his walls.
His mouth worked its way down to Jimin’s brown bud without his permission, taking the nipple into his mouth, nibbling. His mind was clouded by all the sensations assaulting his body.
Jimin moaned brokenly, not even considering being quiet anymore.
Jeongguk felt a hand on his nape pushing him closer, so he sucked harder.
“Fuck! Jeongguk!” his voice was ragged.
Jeongguk wanted to hear more of that. He started moving faster, his thighs pumping.
Jimin moaned out, “Fuck. Fuck. Oh my god!” and started meeting him on each downward stroke with an upward thrust.
The pleasure was blinding, the angle perfect. Jeongguk choked on a silent scream as he came all over both of them. He tried to keep moving, but the motions were without rhythm.
Jimin could in no way be considered silent when he emptied into Jeongguk.
Jeongguk felt the warmth bloom inside of him. Once he felt that he collapsed, having no more energy to move his body. He continued tightening and releasing around his length to milk Jimin through it.
As they had just begun to bask in the afterglow, they heard someone typing in the door code.
Their heads snapped toward the door as it opened.
Jeongguk was trying to make his body move, but his legs were jelly. When he realized that his body was not going to cooperate, he grabbed the blanket from the back of the sofa, attempting to drag it to cover them entirely when a loud, “My eyes!” sounded, followed by “Oh my god. I knew it!”
Fuck. He knew those voices. What were his hyungs doing here, now? They were supposed to meet tomorrow.
Jimin adjusted the blanket to ensure their bottoms were completely covered, but curiously didn’t make any other motion to move.
Jeongguk’s legs finally started to respond, so he began to lift to allow Jimin to pull out, but the older man grabbed his hips. He met Jimin’s gaze with a question in his eyes but was met with a smirk.
Jimin leaned forward, whispering into his ear, “serves them right for barging in.”
Jeongguk stared at him in surprise. Well alright then. He returned the grin and uncovered their heads.
Hobi was smiling brightly behind a hand covering his mouth and Jin was grimacing with his eyes covered.
He couldn’t help it. He started laughing, but that caused Jimin’s softening length to slip out followed by a mess. His laugh cut off at the sensation.
He met Jimin’s eyes as he said, “oops,” while Jimin said, “Eww.” To which they both started laughing again, causing there to be more mess. Jeongguk plonked his forehead to Jimin’s chest as the giggle subsided.
Jimin turned to their unexpected guests. “Could you give us a moment to clean up?”
Both of the older members responded by quickly vacating the room.
They stole kisses as they wiped themselves down and dressed. Jimin was about to invite their hyungs back in, when Jeongguk pointed out that the room now smelled like sex.
They opted for Jeongguk’s studio instead.
♫
Once they all gathered, Jimin settled on Jeongguk's lap. They all sat staring at each other, the room weirdly silent. They were supposed to be doing this tomorrow with the last of the members, but one was notably missing.
“Have you all seen Yoongi-hyung? Is he around?” Jeongguk asked. He was hopeful Yoongi was in the building, so they could tell the story once and be done with it.
Everyone in the room gave him the look , the one he received when his brain would go sideways and take him places the others hadn’t gone to yet.
He sighed. “We were hoping to tell everyone tomorrow.”
He received looks of understanding at that.
Jimin perked up. “I think he’s at work until this evening, baby.”
Jeongguk nodded. He really didn’t want to put Jimin through the explanation about the attack more than necessary, but they could talk about their relationship now.
He would happily talk about that again and again and again. He turned to Hobi and Jin.
“So, we wanted to talk to you all about a couple of things, one being us.” He pecked Jimin’s cheek. “The other…” He paused, trying to figure out how to say it, but Jimin took up the story.
“The other is about something that happened a few months ago that was bad… very bad. I’m okay now. We are okay now.” It sounded like he was reassuring himself more than anyone else in the room.
Jeongguk squeezed him and took back the narrative. “So, yeah. Let’s answer your questions about our relationship today…” He gestured between Jimin and himself, “but let’s save the other thing until later, when Yoongi-hyung is here. I don’t want Jiminie-hyung to have to go through the telling of that more than necessary.”
As he spoke, their hyungs expressions went through many emotions, but both wore identical looks of concern by the time he was done speaking. He could tell they wanted to ask but also wanted to respect their wishes.
After a moment of silent contemplation, Hobi asked. “What about the others? Do Tae and Joon know about you guys?”
Jimin turned an alluring shade of pink, which Jeongguk would be admiring, except he could feel his own face heating as he recalled how Namjoon and Taehyung had found out.
Except for Yoongi, all the others had caught them having sex. He coughed and said, “They know.”
Jin looked them over with a hint of a smile. “I think there’s a story there.”
Jimin choked out, “We’ll let the others tell you how they found out. Should I tell you our story or did you guys want to guess?” he was speaking almost too fast to understand.
But Hobi brightened, clearly understanding the person who had been his roommate for many years. “I bet you guys have been together since your first Japan trip and are finally coming out to us, because you’re serious, right? I just can’t believe that you never fessed up.”
Jeongguk shook his head with a smirk. “Partially right.” This could be fun.
Hobi’s expression dimmed. “Before then?”
Jeongguk shook his head again, his grin now evident.
“Hoba, clearly they got together after we went into the military.” Jin’s smile was large at first, but it dropped as he said, “You guys are going to miss each other. I get why you were boning at work.”
Jeongguk sputtered. He should have known his hyung would say something to lighten the blow, trying to make it fun.
Jimin responded. “You’re partially right, hyung. We got together in early August, but we won’t miss each other…”
Before Jimin could continue, Hobi gasped. “You know you can’t get an exemption for being gay, right? They’ll put you in jail… unless that law changed. Fuck. I need to look that up.” He pulled out his phone and started looking up the laws concerning it.
Jimin was quick to intervene. “No. No. We got approved for the buddy program. We’ll be stationed together for the entirety of our service.” Jimin said to put him out of his misery.
Hobi’s hand holding his phone dropped into his lap. “Oh.”
Jin squeaked. “Oh shit. You guys can NOT get caught boning in the military.”
“We know. Trust us. We know . We won’t. That’s kind of why we were…” Jimin trailed off, blushing profusely.
“We haven’t had much time for these kinds of activities since we got together.” Jeongguk mumbled as he squeezed his boyfriend tightly and pecked his cheek again.
“Wait! Wait!” Jin exclaimed way too loudly for the small room. “ You are a bottom?” He directed the question to Jeongguk, who promptly hid his face in Jimin’s neck.
Jimin petted the top of his head while chuckling.
It was clear their hyungs had no problem with them being together. But would they be okay with them coming out?
They sat and continued to answer as many questions as the duo could come up with.
Eventually, discussing their plans for the future, receiving only approval and love and acceptance. Why had he had any doubt?
Only one member to go. With optimism, they ensured that all the relevant people they would need to notify would come around the next day to talk with them after they met with Yoongi. As long as all members supported their plans, everyone else would have to adjust.
♫
The next evening, Yoongi walked into the break room, where food had been delivered. He walked in on the couple who were making out with roaming hands.
He cleared his throat and said, “about time.” Then he went to the table to start filling his plate. They straightened their clothes and stared at their hyung, then at each other.
Jeongguk was just thankful they had at least one hyung who hadn’t seen them having sex. He was sure Jimin felt the same way.
The conversation with Yoongi about their future went smoothly. The others arrived while they were speaking.
Their relief was palpable. Having the support of those nearest to him who held his highest respect made Jeongguk cry. Then Jimin cried. They truly wished everyone in the world could feel this kind of acceptance. Hopefully coming out would help those ARMY who needed it.
With all in agreement, they called in their lawyers for an urgent meeting. The contract wording would need to be modified. With all members present and supportive, now was the time to hash out all the wording for the amendment that required their signatures.
Later that afternoon, when their company leaders came in to talk with all the members, they informed them of their plans.
Their direct managers seemed absolutely unsurprised. The other leaders had different reactions, ranging from happy acceptance to worry and resistance.
With their members there, supporting them, the company had no real choice but to listen and start making appropriate plans.
Once all the craziness their relationship had stirred up was over for the day, Jimin and Jeongguk retold the story of the assault and the events that led up to it.
Jeongguk held and supported Jimin throughout. The evening ended up with a group hug, initiated by Yoongi of all people.
The future would not be all roses, but they were together, and it would all be okay.
Snooze by BTS (방탄소년단) Agust D Ft. Ryuichi Sakamoto & WOOSUNG
Jimin Is More Than Ready (Jimin’s POV)
Prior to the members’ welcome back banquet at Hybe, Jeongguk and Jimin had discussed using it as the perfect opportunity to announce their relationship to the staff and members’ families. So tonight was the night. They had everyone sign new NDAs before attending, so no one would legally be able to talk about what they saw. He was certain they thought it all had to do with upcoming music or performances. He was ready for them to know. It had been a long 18 months.
Had they remained celibate the whole time? Fuck no. They had refrained from doing anything on base or anywhere where they could be caught... or anywhere where there could even be a rumor of them being together. The risk was just too great. So, they'd been good and now they were taking the first step in telling those they trusted most, the ones that would need to know to start the next step in their plans. But unknown to his boyfriend, they were about to take it even further.
The parents and siblings of the members already knew about Jimin’s orientation, but not about his and Jeongguk's relationship, so today would be a shock for almost everyone. Well, everyone, except his and Jeongguk’s parents.
Jimin had asked Jeongguk’s parents for their son’s hand in marriage during their last visit. He knew them well and had expected their response to be favorable, but he’d still been very nervous. Of course, he and Jeongguk let them know they were dating before they entered the military. They’d been happy and seemed not at all surprised. He still couldn’t get over how so many people saw it before they did.
Now they stood in front of the room full of people. Jimin’s hands were shaking. He’d already said his part announcing their relationship while holding Jeongguk’s waist. He was nervous about what comes next but was resolute.
Jeongguk was now doing his part answering questions with what they’d decided would be the ‘official’ family friendly version of their love story.
In his peripheral vision, he watched as Jin tiptoed to the side and behind them and began to pull aside the curtain that hid the balloons of purple and gold. The balloon letters spelled out 'congratulations on your engagement'.
That was the cue for Jeongguk’s brother to send his daughter toward the couple. The adorable toddler tried handing the ring to the oblivious Jeongguk.
Jimin bent down quickly and snatched her up. Before Jimin could take the ring from her, she started offering it loudly to her uncle Jeongguk.
Jeongguk didn't notice at first, still answering a question. Bless him for getting rambly when nervous.
The plan had been for Jimin to take the ring from the toddler and propose, but he suddenly had a better idea. He encouraged the little one to get even louder since her uncle was still not paying attention. This was a much cuter way to go about it.
When the little one had had enough, she leaned toward her uncle and patted his face, which finally got his attention. It was then he noticed she was trying to hand him something. Jimin's heart melted.
Jeongguk opened his hand to take whatever she was handing to him, smiling brightly at her, likely thinking it was a piece of candy or a small toy. Shock registered on his face as he recognized the ring. His wide eyes snapped to Jimin as his jaw fell open.
Jimin smiled and lowered himself to the ground on one knee while still holding the adorable child who was beaming ear to ear, proud to have accomplished what they had coached her to do.
Jimin’s voice was not steady as he began to speak. “Jeongguk-ah, I have waited a long time to do this properly. When we first admitted we had feelings that went beyond friendship, I was terrified and believed we could never be together. The thought of coming out to the world was inconceivable, yet that is what you wanted. I couldn’t understand it. Somehow, someway you got through my thick skull and made me listen to reason. I look forward to the day we’ll give this little one some cousins to play with.
Here I am before you with no hesitation asking you to be my husband and the father of our children. You are my past, my present, and my future. I am you; you are me. Jeongguk, will you marry me?”
Instead of giving an answer immediately, his partner dropped to his knees and hugged them both as tears streamed down his cheeks.
Chuckling, Jimin asked, “Is that a 'yes'?” Okay, maybe his eyes were not so dry either.
“Yes. You know it’s a yes. As if I could ever say no to you.” Jeongguk pulled back enough to put the ring in Jimin’s free hand and then held out his finger to allow him to slip it on.
The room erupted in cheers and applause. It was then that Jeongguk noticed the balloons, and he cried harder.
There were so many reasons to love this man. His large heart was only one of them.
Notes:
So... there is their story. The '4th chapter' is going to be a few epilogues, small little snippets of important moments in their future together.
formerlyunknownas on Chapter 1 Fri 28 Mar 2025 06:26AM UTC
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DarleneVampyre on Chapter 1 Fri 28 Mar 2025 01:57PM UTC
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formerlyunknownas on Chapter 1 Thu 03 Apr 2025 09:16PM UTC
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DarleneVampyre on Chapter 1 Mon 05 May 2025 05:07PM UTC
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formerlyunknownas on Chapter 2 Sat 05 Apr 2025 08:59AM UTC
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DarleneVampyre on Chapter 2 Sun 06 Apr 2025 03:08AM UTC
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coolpersonfr on Chapter 3 Mon 09 Jun 2025 08:23AM UTC
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DarleneVampyre on Chapter 3 Tue 10 Jun 2025 07:20AM UTC
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DarleneVampyre on Chapter 3 Thu 10 Jul 2025 04:04PM UTC
Last Edited Thu 10 Jul 2025 04:06PM UTC
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