Maybe life would be easier without a heart

by Emilia__Writes

Summary:

Loki didn’t fall from the rainbow bridge alone. His husband Einar jumped with him. They fought New York side by side until both of them were stopped by the Avengers. This story begins in Asgard right after Thor brings his brother and his brother's husband in front of Odin for their punishment. When Odin sentences Loki’s husband to death, Loki is left completely alone. Loki doesn’t know how he would survive now, left alone while pregnant. That’s when Thor gets an idea, but what is that idea?

This is my first Frostiron fanfic ever so bear with me. Hope you enjoy this story. Title from the song DIE ANOTHER DAY by Blind Channel.

Chapter 1: Loki's POV

I walked with heavy steps towards Odin who was sitting on his golden throne in front of the long hallway. My arms and legs were pound together with a metal chain which was also tied to my neck to stop me from using my magic. My husband Einar walked quietly next to me. Only sound was coming from our chains. I could feel Thor’s eyes on my back. His gaze was so fierce it felt like it could burn a hole to my back if he truly tried. I turned to quickly look at him with a smirk painted all over my face. Thor did not look happy or pleased with my smirking.

’’You don’t need to try to kill me with your eyes Thor’’, I said and smirked even wider.

’’Enough Loki’’, Odin said with a firm voice. We stopped when we reached his throne. I quickly looked at Einar who was now looking at Odin with an emotionless expression. If he felt afraid he didn’t show it. ’’Do you know why you are here today?’’

I turned my gaze towards the All-father and gave him a small smirk as well. ’’Cause I failed’’, I said and tilted my head a little. ’’Really Odin, is this all necessary. Now that I and Einar are here you can just take these chains off of us, we won’t try to run away’’.

’’No Loki, you don’t get to just walk away this time’’, Odin said and nodded to one of the guards who then walked next Einar grabbing him by the arm. He led him to the stairs that were standing before the golden throne. The guard forced Einar to kneel on the floor before grabbing him by the hair and forcing him to look at the All-father.

’’Get your filthy hands off of my husband’’, I said with venom covering my voice.

’’Loki’’, Thor warned and touched my shoulder but I quickly moved away from him. He looked a bit hurt but lowered his hand to rest on his side, Mjolnir still on his other hand ready to use it if needed.

’’Einar son of Alvar, do you have anything to say to defend yourself?’’ Odin asked and looked at Einar with an unreadable look on his face.

’’Nothing more than that I followed my husband, wherever he goes I go’’, Einar said and tried to look at me but the hand holding his hair was still there.

’’And why is that?’’ Odin said and stood up from his throne and walked a few steps down the stairs towards the kneeling Einar in front of him.

’’Because I love him, your majesty’’, he answered. ’’Love makes you do things you wouldn’t normally do’’.

At that Odin turned to look at Frigga, who was standing close to me and Thor. ’’That is true. Love is something everyone should experience in their lifetime’’, Odin said and turned to face Einar again. ’’But it isn’t a reason to kill hundreds of innocents, it is not a reason to force people to kneel for you. It is not also a reason to attack Midgard’’.

’’We did not do it at our own choice, your majesty’’, Einar said still looking at Odin. ’’Me and Loki were both tortured and mind controlled by Thanos, your majesty. We wouldn’t do any of it if we would have had a choice. Not when my husband is expecting’’. The whole court room gasped for air at that and turned to look at me. My chained hand went to my still flat stomach and a small smile quickly passed my face before I turned to look at Odin.

’’He’s what?’’ Frigga asked and walked closer to me but stopped when she saw Odin walking down the stairs to stand in front of Einar. Odin looked at me with shock painted all over his face.

’’Brother?’’ Thor asked. I looked at him but before I could say anything I saw Odin grab Einar by his arms and forced him to stand in front of him.

’’That’s not possible’’, he whispered. ’’It can’t be’’.

I walked towards Odin and Einar but stopped right behind my husband. ’’Oh but it is, Odin. I’m not Asgardian, remember?’’ Odin moved in front of me with shock and anger visible in his only good eye when he looked at me. If looks could kill I would probably be dead right now.

’’Thanos is a myth, no one has seen him for centuries. Why would he take you, why would he torture you. You’re nothing Loki, you wouldn’t even be alive right now if it weren’t for your mother Frigga’’, Odin said and I instinctively took a step back.

’’It is the truth. If you don’t believe me then don’t. Do anything you want to me but let Einar go, he’s innocent’’. I could feel my own heart beating in my ears and I felt how my blood started to boil in my veins. I tried to control my anger but it was harder to do so, when the reason for it stood there right in front of me.

’’You have no say in here anymore Loki. You lost that right when you decided to fall from the bridge’’, Odin said and walked back to his throne to sit down on it.

I walked next to Einar and looked at him with worry in my eyes. Einar seemed to shake a little, he was probably afraid but tried his best to play strong right now. I saw him turn his gaze to me and give me a reassuring smile that everything would be okay. Somehow however I felt like nothing would be okay. Something in me told that both of us won’t walk out of this alive. Part of me hoped that it would me who wouldn’t walk out of it.

’’Loki, the punishment for your crimes in Asgardian law would be death. However because of your mother’s wishes you shall not be harmed and will spend the rest of your days in prison, your child when it shall be born will be taken from you as part of your punishment’’, Odin said. My chained hand flew back to rest on my stomach upon hearing Odin’s words. He would take my child away from me, just to punish me. ’’As for you Einar. According to Asgardian law, you shall be executed when the sun rises tomorrow morning. My choice is final. You may spend this last night together in Loki’s cell’’.

’’Father, that’s absurd!’’ Thor shouted from behind us. I couldn’t say anything at the moment. My hand was still firmly pressed against my flat stomach where mine and Einar’s love was slowly growing. ’’That punishment is way too harsh. What if what Einar and Loki told us is true? What if they really were controlled by Thanos? An innocent life would be lost without a reason’’.

’’Enough Thor!’’, Odin shouted at his first born. ’’Loki is the god of Lies. I would not wonder if he made this poor man lie for him to try to make their punishment lesser. We don’t have any proof of this mind control which is why my word is final’’.

’’Please’’, I whispered so quietly I thought that no one could hear me. I turned my watering eyes towards Odin. ’’Please let Einar go. I...I can’t live without him. Please don’t force me to live without him’’.

’’My choice is final Loki. Nothing you say or do will make me change my mind’’, Odin said and nodded for the guards.

The guards took us by the shoulders and started to lead us towards the holding cells. At the door to our cell the guards took our chains off and pushed us inside the empty cell. They locked the door and left us standing there. I immediately went to hug my husband who tied his arms around me holding me tightly before we both fell to our knees still hugging each other tightly. I buried my face to Einar’s shoulder and finally let the tears flow freely.

’’I’m so sorry’’, I whispered while sobbing. ’’I never meant for this to happen. You should have just let me fall alone from the bridge. Nothing of this wouldn’t have happened’’.

’’It’s not your fault Lo. It was my choice to follow you down the bridge’’, Einar said and started to gently stroke my long hair. ’’Just promise me something’’. I lifted my face from Einar’s shoulder. He gently wiped the tears from my cheeks before giving me a sad smile.

’’Promise me that you won’t stop living after I’m gone. Promise me that you will try to get out of here and keep our child safe’’, Einar said gently, both of his hands still on my cheeks. ’’Promise me, please Lo’’.

’’I promise’’, I whispered. But deep down both me and Einar knew that I wouldn’t be able to escape this cell. No one has never succeeded to escape here.

We both held each other tightly until we couldn’t anymore, when in the morning Einar was once again chained and taken away from me. Our ’I love you’s’ being the last thing we ever said to each other cause the next thing I knew was when a guard came to inform me that Einar was dead.

Now I was completely alone.

Chapter 2: Loki's POV

I don’t know how long I sat on the floor with my knees pressed tightly to my chest while my head was resting between my knees. My eyes burned from crying too much and it felt like I was running out of tears to cry. I just felt numb.

I heard the cell door to open but I still didn’t lift my head from between my knees. I senced someone walking and stopping next to me. Next thing I felt was a gentle hand on my back. That’s when I finally gathered the strenght to lift my head and turn my red puffy eyes towards the person who was touching my back.

Frigga was looking at me with a sympathetic and sad look painted all over her face. I watched her sit next to me on the floor and wrap her arms around me to pull me into a warm hug. I turned my face away from her and once again pressed my head between my knees. I didn’t need her pitty, not right now.

’’Loki, my darling’’, Frigga whispered gently but I remained silent. ’’I’m so sorry. I truly tried to stop my husband for doing any of this. Even Thor tried to reason with him’’.

’’It should have been me’’, I whispered with a broken voice. At first I thought that Frigga didn’t hear my words but after a while I felt her hug me even tighter.

She shifted a little and brought her hand to my cheek so she could get me to lift my head from between my knees to face her. Frigga’s hand felt warm on my cheek and when I looked at her face I could see the pain in her eyes.

’’I know it feels like that for now, my darling’’, she said while stroking my cheek with her thumb. ’’But you have a child to look after now. You haven’t eaten in two days, Loki. You need to take care of yourself’’.

’’They will be taken from me as well’’, I said and lowered on of my hands to rest on my stomach. It was still quite flat but I could still feel a little softens there indicating that the child was still there. ’’It was Odin’s orders. I would be left completely alone’’.

Frigga looked at me for a while with her eyes filling with tears. She waved her hand and something appeared on her hand. She took my other hand which was not resting on my stomach and tropped something cold on it before closing my fist with her hands and standing up.

’’You’ll never be completely alone, my darling’’, she said and walked towards the cell door. Before she left the cell she once again turned to look at me with a sad smile. ’’Please Loki, eat’’. Then she was gone, leaving me alone to my cell.

I sat there in silence and opened my fist. When I saw what Frigga had tropped on my hand, I felt my eyes water once again. It was a golden ring with small snakes engraved on it, Einar’s wedding ring. I felt the tears fall down my cheeks while I slipped the ring to my middle finger, next to my ring finger which was still holding my own wedding ring.

'Keep our child safe’ rang through my head. I had promised that to Einar but how could I keep that promise when I was locked in here? I would never be able to keep that promise. As long as Odin wished to punish me, I would never be able to keep our child safe. And it was all my fault.

If I didn’t jump from the rainbow bridge, Einar would never had had to jump after me. He wouldn’t have been tortured and mind controlled by Thanos. And he would still be alive. I was the reason my husband is dead and I would never forgive myself because of that.

 

---

 

I didn’t know how long I had been in the cell already. Days or weeks, I couldn’t know.

Frigga never visited after the day she gave me Einar’s ring. I had been completely alone, only ones visiting my cell being the guards that brought me food and came back to take away the still full plates.

I was laying on my bed when I once again heard the cell door open, thinking that it would be the guards once again bringin me my meal. When I didn’t hear the door to open again indicating that the guards had left, I curiously turned to look at who had come to my cell.

I was surprised to see Thor standing at the door looking at his feet. I lifted myself up to sit at the edge of my bed. My head felt a bit dizzy for not eating properly for so long.

’’Thor’’, I said with a raspy voice. I cleared my throat a bit and with shaking hands pushed myself out of the bed to stand up. I had to close my eyes for a second so I wouldn’t fall down. ’’What brings you here?’’

Thor took a few steps towards me but stopped when he saw my pale, shrunken face. He took a heavy sight and I could see his eyes start to water.

’’I’m sorry brother, for Einar. I truly tried to stop father but I couldn’t’’, Thor said and looked at me with quilt in his eyes before looking away. ’’Mother said you haven’t been taking care of yourself. I didn’t want to believe it but now I do. Loki you must…’’

’’I must what Thor?’’ I asked and walked towards him with shaky legs. ’’Take care of myself? Eat? Forget that my husband is dead because of me? What is it Thor that I must do?’’

’’Think about the baby, Loki’’, Thor raised his voice a little. I just stared at him with no emotion. I really wanted to shout at him, or hit him, or anything. However I just stood there thinking.

’’I can’t Thor’’, I finally whispered. ’’I can’t think about them. Everytime I try to do something for the baby, I am constantly reminded by Odin’s words that he would take my baby away from me’’. I could once again feel my eyes water but this time I wouldn’t let them fall.

’’Brother, please. I can’t bear to look at you like this. You’re my brother I would do anything for you’’, Thor said and this time he walked in front of me to lower his large hands on my shoulders. His piercing blue eyes looked straight at me with so much sympathy in them that I just wanted to break right there. But instead I just let my mind to guard me of any emotion so I decided to do something I was good at. Pushing people away from me by trying to hurt them.

’’If that would be true, Einar would still be alive’’, I said and pushed his hands away from my shoulders and went back to lay on my bed. I turned to my side, back to Thor, and hugged my knees to my chest. ’’Now leave me be’’.

It was quiet for a while but I never heard the cell door to open which ment that Thor didn’t leave the cell. I felt the bed to dip and then once again Thor’s hand was on my shoulder.

’’What if there was a place to hide you?’’ Thor finally said. ’’A place where you wouldn’t have to give up your child?’’

I turned to face Thor and looked at him with curiosity painted all over my face. ’’And what would that place be that Odin wouldn’t find me?’’ Thor gave me a small smile.

'’Midgard’’.

Notes:

I hope you liked this chapter. I'm sorry if there's spelling mistakes or writing errors. English is not my first language :')

Chapter 3: Loki's POV

’’Midgard?’’ I asked and raised one of my eyebrows. I lifted myself to a sitting position and looked at Thor. ’’Do you really think it would be wise to take me back to Midgard’’.

’’Probably not’’, Thor said but still he gave me small genuine smile. ’’But I know you would not cause any trouble this time. I am quite certain of it’’.

’’How are you so certain, Thor?’’ I asked him while tilting my head to the side.

’’Because I believe you Loki’’, he said and took on of my hands to his. Thor’s hand felt warm against my cold one. It almost felt nice to feel some warmth again. ’’That you and Einar were mind controlled. Your eyes. I should have seen it myself and I am truly sorry that I did not see it earlier’’.

I pulled my hand from Thor’s grip and started to fidgeted with the hem of my shirt. I lowered my gaze to my fidgeting fingers and once again felt my eyes start to water. I was starting to get so sick of all the crying.

’’If I was to be brought to Midgard, how are you so sure Odin would not find me. Heimdall would find me sooner or later’’.

’’No he will not’’, Thor said and plazed his hand on my cheek this time. He turned my face so I could look at him. ’’Heimdall promised me that he would shield you from father. He will not find you, I promise you brother’’.

I stared at Thor with my lips pressed together. Why would Heimdall help me? He was never really one to like me. Why would he turn his back to Odin for me?

’’I can almost hear you thinking brother’’, Thor said and laughed a little. ’’But you can trust Heimdall. He and mother talked and Heimdall himself thinks that father took it too far this time. Einar shouldn’t have died’’.

Of course Frigga was also behind this. I should have already known it. She still acted as my mother even if I did not call her my mother anymore. That brought a genuine smile on my lips as well. Maybe after Einar I wasn’t completely alone. Maybe somehow I could still have even some kind of relationship with Thor. Or maybe it would be just wishful thinking.

’’I really loved him Thor’’. I finally broke the silence that had fallen upon us.

’’He was a really fine man. I was glad to call him my brother in law’’, Thor said and laid his hand on my shoulder to offer some kind of comfort. This time I didn’t jerk away. ’’And I truly am sorry that I could not get father to change his mind’’.

I didn’t say anything more after that. Both me and Thor just sat there in silence for a long time until the cell door opened once again. Sif and the warriors three stepped inside the cell and nodded to Thor.

’’Everything is ready Thor. Your father just left to visit another realm’’, Sif said and gazed at both me and Thor quickly. ’’We need to go. The queen is waiting for us with Heimdall’’.

'’Thank you lady Sif’’, Thor said and stood up. ’’Loki, it is up to you. Are you ready to leave Asgard behind you?’’.

I thought for a second. Part of me was sceptical for going back to Midgard. Especially so soon after my failed invasion. Even if I didn’t do it with a clear mind. But part of me was more than ready to leave this place behind.

I would get a chance to raise mine and Einar’s child. Odin couldn’t take them away from me. I would protect them till I shall take my last breath. I had promised that to Einar and now I had a chance to fill that promise.

’’I am’’, I said and stood up next to Thor. I turned to face Sif and the warriors three with a smirk. ’’Lead the way’’.

 

---

 

We arrived to the door of Frigga’s sleeping quarters. Fandral opened the door and led us inside the quarters where Frigga stood looking outside the window her back towards the door.

Heimdall was stood at the other side of the room. He watched us walk inside the quarters, his yellow eyes following my every move.

Frigga turned to face us with a sad smile on her face. She rushed towards us and pulled me to a tight hug. I could feel her hand stroking my back gently.

’’Loki, my son’’, she said as she pulled away from our hug to look at my face. ’’My dear boy, you are so thin and pale’’.

I laughed at that a little. She was still worried about me even after everything. It is hard for me to confess but I’m going to miss her. She was the only one who made this place feel even a little bit of a home. She was the only one with Einar who accepted me as who I was. Neither of them were scared of my true heritage.

’’Please, my son. Promise me that you will try to take more care of yourself from now on’’, she said and lifted her hand to my cheek.

’’I will try’’, I said and looked at her with a small smile. ’’For the child. I will try for them’’.

’’And yourself as well’’, she said with a stern voice. ’’You need to try for yourself as well darling. Einar would have wanted you to be happy’’.

I nodded at her words and lowered my gaze to the floor. How could I be happy when the love of my life was dead all because of me. I know the child would need their mother to be happy and well but it would also take time. Maybe a really long time before I could feel true happiness again. But the one thing I knew was that this child, my and Einar’s child would never have to feel the same pain I felt for years.

’’Are you ready?’’ Heimdall asked and walked towards us with the tesseract in his hand.

’’Yes I think we are’’, Thor said and took the tesseract from Heimdall before turning to face me.

’’Thor’’, I said to gain Thor’s attention. ’’Where in Midgard would I stay?’’

’’Oh I have something in my mind’’, Thor said with a smirk.

’’Well shall we go then?’’ I asked before smiling at Frigga one last time.

What I didn’t know was that this would be one of the worst ideas Thor had had in a long time.

 

Chapter 4: Loki's POV

Notes:

Hi! Here's finally a new chapter after a really...I mean really...long pause. I'm so sorry I haven't written for a while but I try to write more now.

I really hope you like this chapter, feel free to leave a comment I really love to read them :)

''So your great hiding plan was to bring me to the Avengers?'' I asked and looked at my brother. ''You know the Avengers hate me right?''

''Yes brother but I assure you. You and your child will be completely safe and hidden here'', Thor said and tapped my shoulder gently. 

''Well have you even asked the Avengers if they want me here?'' I turned to face the tall building in front of me. The last time I saw it, it had a huge word Stark blastered on the side of it but now it only had an A. Otherwise the building looked exactly the same. When Thor didn't answer me I turned to face him once again. ''You have asked them right?''

Still Thor didn't answer. He quickly brushed his long hair back and scratched his neck. ''I have not. But I am sure that they will help you''. Of course he hadn't asked. My loaf of an brother still sometimes thinks that he's the one who can just do whatever he likes without consquences and that everyone does whatever he wants just because he's the God of Thunder. 

''How can you be so sure that they will help me if you have not even asked''. My other hand flew instinctly to my stomach, even if it wasn't that huge yet. It still felt comforting somehow. ''I am not very popular here. And I am sure that mr. Barton wants me dead''. 

''Do not worry my brother. Everything will be just fine. I promise'', Thor said as he took my free hand to his and started to lead me towards the building. 

 

---

 

As we step inside the building, all the heads turn our way. I could hear gasps and whispers around us but I just turn my gaze to my feet and follow behind Thor to the elevators. The elevator door close but I can still feel the icy gazes. 

''Good evening mr. Odinson'', the voice in the elevator says. 

''Hello to you too mr. Jarvis. Are my friends here tonight?'' Thor asks. 

''Yes, mr. Odinson. Master Stark and the other avengers are in the penthouse. The elevator will take you there''. 

''Thank you'', Thor said and gently stroked my back trying to comfort me but I still didn't lift my gaze from the floor. Not even when the elevator doors open and Thor started to lead me somewhere. 

I could hear talking and laughing. I could also smell food and I could feel my stomcah grumble. I haven't eaten for a few days and I felt hungrier than I have ever felt. When we stepped in to the room the Avengers were the talking stopped and everyone turned to face us.

''Good evening my good friends'', Thor said and I could almost hear the smile in his voice. Still I couldn't lift my gaze from the floor. Too afraid to face everyone. What if they wouldn't help me or my unborn child? What if they would kill right here, right now? That way I would be with my love again but that would also mean that my child would never have a chance. 

''Umm Thor. What is HE doing in here?'' I heard Barton ask. 

''Yeah, I thought he returned to Asgard with you'', Romanoff said and I could hear her standing up. 

''We...Loki needs your help my friends'', Thor said and left from my side to walk towards the Avengers. 

''Our help? Why would he need our help? And what happened to the other, Eihor, Eipar whatever his name is''. I lifted my gaze to see Stark staring straight at me. Waiting for either of us to answer him. 

''Einar is dead'', I said and looked at the Avengers for the first time since arriving. ''My father executed him''. All the Avengers looked at me with their mouths open and no one said anything after that for what felt like eternity. 

''What?'' It was doctor Banner who finally broke the silence and started to walk towards Thor and I. ''Why would he execute him?'' 

I opened my mouth to answer but nothing came out. Once again I could feel my eyes start to water but I never let them fall. I couldn't show everyone how weak I truly was. I was supposed to be the God of Lies and Mischief. Would they believe my feelings were true if I showed them to everyone. I really Einar would've been here. He always knew what to say. 

''Our father wanted to punish Loki. He knew that executing Einar would hurt Loki more than anything'', Thor said and walked back next me and wrapped his arm to my shoulders portectively. ''But there's this other thing as well. The thing why he needs your help to protect and hide him''. 

''What thing Thor?'', Captain Rogers asked. 

''I am with child'', I said and once again everyone looked at me with their mouths open. ''And after my child shall be born my father wants them dead as well''. 

''You're...pregnant?'' Barton asked. ''If you're pregnant then why did you put yourself and your unborn child in danger by invading New York?''

''Loki was mindcontrolled'', Thor said before I could even open my mouth. ''He did not know what he was doing. Nether did Einar. We tried to explain that to father but he would not listen''. 

''Oh my god'', Banner said and sat down on the couch next to Stark. ''I Hulk smashed you while you were pregnant. I'm so sorry''. 

''It is okay doctor. You did not know'', I said and offered him a small smile before gently laying my hand to my stomach just to feel the same comfort as before. 

''Okay so did I get this straight. ReindeerGames and his husband were midcontrolled. They attacked New York while one of the was pregnant. Odin the allfather killed the husband and wants an unborn child dead as well?'' Stark asked and stood up from the couch. I watched him wipe his hand over his face before crossing his arms to his chest. 

''That is correct'', Thor said.

''And how are we supposed to protect a God and his child from another God?'' Barton asked. 

''Heimdall promised to help us hide me and if I don't use my magic Odin will not be able to find me'', I said. 

Silence fell around us once again when everyone thought things through. I could feel my hands start to shake so I crossed them to my chest. The silence felt thick and over powering. I wouldn't blame them if they didn't want to help me. They had every right not to. 

''Fine we'll help'', Stark said and looked at me. I turned my gaze to face his and smiled a little. 

''We will?'' Barton asked. ''Tony he invaded New York and now you let him stay here. What if he starts another attack on us again?''.

''Look Katniss. You heard what he said. He can't use his magic or their father will find him. I'm sure he wants to protect his child'', Tony said and when Clint didn't say anything anymore he just smirked. ''That's settled then. Brucie do you know how to use an ultrasound machine?''

''What? Yeah kind of, why?''. Banner looked at Tony with confusion but all I could wonder was what is an ultrasound? Is it a weapon? Am I going to be harmed?

''Okay then. Reindeer Games, would you like to see your baby?''

Notes:

I'm sorry for the spelling mistakes or any mistakes but here you go. Finally a new chapter.