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Maria gave the final signal to the children as they stood near the front doorway before she quickly dashed to the side of the room and tucked herself away behind the safety of the nearby column. As the children took their places on the stairs, Maria’s eyes were drawn to the Captain and the Baroness who rushed from the grand ballroom to their spots of pride of place at the front of the crowd to watch the children’s performance. Although the Captain’s head was pointing in her direction, his eyes were firmly fixed on his children.
It didn’t bother Maria; in fact she preferred to not be under the watchful gaze of the Captain. For merely moments earlier, they had been in a tight embrace at the end of dancing the Laendler together. She could barely breathe, let alone think or even process what had transpired between her and the Captain during the dance. Maria felt completely rattled, and it scared her. She was thankful for a few precious seconds to try and pull herself together while the children sang.
But she could not. Not when the Captain had held her so close and had looked at her that way.
Her whole body trembled, and while she tried to smile and pay attention to the children singing and moving through their carefully choreographed routine, Maria was completely distracted.
How much had been real? And how much had been a dream…? Maria wondered. Everything in the present seemed to fade into oblivion as all her thoughts and emotions drifted back her dance with the handsome sea captain in the outside courtyard…
The music continued to play as they began to twirl. She’d completely forgotten there was anyone else out there on the terrace for all she knew was him, and him alone. His deep blue eyes were locked on hers: piecing, penetrating and probing into the depths of her soul.
They stopped twirling, although the music still played. Arms held high above their heads, their fingers were still intertwined – his gloved hand grasped her bare hand tightly. His body pressed hard against hers and she couldn’t move, she couldn’t breathe. She just knew what was going to happen next. Her heart began to race in anticipation. Yet suddenly she was frightened, but she didn’t know what frightened her most - that they were going to kiss, or that they weren’t?
Maria blinked hard as she attempted rid her mind of all thoughts of the Captain and focus on Marta singing her solo, and then Friedrich. But it was no use. All Maria could think about was him. Had it been real, their dance? Or had it been a dream? She questioned. Real, Maria decided, as she could practically still feel the sensation of his gloved hands gripping hers as they spun through the last parts of the dance.
Then it was Liesl’s solo. From her place hidden behind the ornate white pillar, Maria watched Liesl playfully ask her father, through song, whether she could stay and ‘taste her first champagne’. Everyone in the crowd laughed as Liesl hoped for a ‘Yes’ but received a very definite ‘No’ from the Captain.
Maria knew that she shouldn’t, but she just couldn’t help herself. She glanced sidewards to see the Captain smirking at Liesl’s performance, one hand under his chin, the other arm wrapped across his body, his hand clutching his discarded white gloves. His eyes gleamed and danced with mischief.
But almost like a magnet, the Captain’s eyes drifted from the performance and were swiftly pulled to Maria’s. Maria felt the breath leave her chest as rapidly and fiercely as if she’d been physically pounded by a blow. His penetrating gaze only lasted a fraction of a second, but it was enough to rattle Maria once more, causing her to cast her mind back to what happened, or what could have happened as they had danced. Had it been real? Or had it been a dream? She wondered to herself.
They stood spellbound in their final pose gazing longingly at each other. Barely a heartbeat later, they let go of their hands and simultaneously their arms dropped to their sides. With her chest heaving slightly, she tried to step back away from him but his strong hand around her waist stopped her and pulled her body closer to his.
“No,” he whispered, his lips barely moving. He softly caressed her face with the back of his gloved fingertips before cupping her cheek with his hand. He tilted her face towards his. “You must allow me…” He leant in towards her, “…to kiss you…”
At that moment his lips grazed over hers with the lightest of touches. She closed her eyes, relishing in the sensation of his warm mouth upon hers. He moved in for a second kiss, this time pressing his lips just a little harder against hers. Their mouths moved slightly apart, and their tongues touched momentarily as their kiss deepened. She responded instantly, a gasp of delight escaping from her mouth. It was like she had waited all her life to be kissed like that!
She laced her arms around his neck as he slid his arms around her body. They kissed again; his tongue swirling gently against hers. His mouth was warm and sweet, tasting of the champagne he had just been drinking. She felt giddy, almost drunk herself from the sensations and feelings he was stirring inside her. She could never have imagined that kissing him would be like this…
The high pitched note of Kurt’s young soprano voice cut through Maria’s thoughts like a knife, bringing her rushing back to the present. Was it real? Or was it a dream? Maria pondered again. Dream. Most definitely a dream, Maria reminded herself. The Captain had never kissed her. But she had wanted him to kiss her; she had fantasised about him kissing her and those illicit thoughts shook her to her very core. She was there on God’s errand and to ask for his love would have been wrong. And yet… the thought was still there, the desire was still there to have his arms around her body, to have him draw her close and brush his lips over hers, for him to kiss her deeply and convincingly.
No! Maria scolded herself. She shouldn’t think like this; she shouldn’t feel like this! It had to stop.
With difficulty, Maria strained to regain her focus. She kept her eyes firmly planted on Brigitta and Louisa as they waltzed, fluttered then pirouetted about, never once tilting her head in the Captain’s direction. Yet Maria could still see him in her periphery, despite her best efforts not to look at him.
Then it was Gretl’s turn to sing. The little girl sang her verse of their goodnight song in a light and sweet voice, causing all the guests at the party to coo and sigh with delight at how adorable Gretl was. The Captain looked proud and touched by the performance of his youngest child.
But, without warning, the Captain deliberately pivoted his head towards Maria and at once her breath caught in her throat as he gave her a meaningful look. Maria stood frozen to the spot yet she instinctively found herself returning the warm smile the Captain was giving her. However, a second later, the Captain tore his eyes from hers, giving his full attention back to Gretl.
The last part of the song began as all the children slowly climbed the stairs singing ‘Goodbye’ together and waving, before walking along the balcony towards their rooms. Some of the guests moved leisurely from the corners of the grand hallway into the centre of the room as to be able to more easily observe the conclusion of the performance. As the final strains of the song were sung, the entire large crowd of guests turned and faced the balcony, gazing upwards before lifting their hands to wave ‘goodbye’ in return to the children.
Except for Maria and the Captain.
Maria couldn’t fight the urge to look at him anymore. As she slowly turned her head to the right, the Captain turned his head to the left searching for her across the crowded room.
Their eyes met.
For one microsecond, time seemed to stop and there was no one else in the crowded room but him and her. Was this real? Or was this a dream? Maria didn’t know anymore.
The crowd surrounding them faded away, like dye draining from a painting, leaving only the two of them burning bright in dazzling colour. She couldn’t breathe, she couldn’t think, not about anything apart from him and him alone. His gaze was intense, smouldering and full of the yearning and aching desire between them. She couldn’t look away.
Blood hummed through her veins as her heart thumped loudly in her chest. Then, like a magnet, they were drawn to each other. The faded crowd seamlessly parted like the Red Sea, allowing them to gravitate towards each other. One step, then two… the Captain came closer. Three steps, then four… until he was standing right in front of her.
He said nothing, and neither did she. They stood transfixed and gazing into each other’s eyes, like they were caught mesmerized in a spell. His eyes glistened with desire. Then slowly, very slowly, he reached for her, cupping her face with his hands, gently drawing her close. Tenderly, he brushed his lips over hers, causing her to involuntarily shiver. She opened her mouth slightly, inviting him to deepen their kiss and their tongues touched momentarily.
She gently circled his neck with her arms as he pulled her flush to his form, moulding her body completely to his. Heat radiated between their bodies. Kissing her again, he groaned into her mouth as her fingertips entwinned themselves in his dark locks at the nape of his neck, gently kneading the back of his head. Her nails scraped lightly against his scalp, just enough to make his breath hitch.
He kissed her again, crashing his lips against hers, teasing her lips apart. His tongue swept over hers, sending a rush of liquid fire through her body. She savoured the sensation. They kissed again: harder, deeper, with a breathless sense of urgency and all reason tumbled into oblivion as the passion of their kisses increased. She gasped with the driving force of his kiss, and she kissed him back with equal intensity. Even though she knew it was wrong, all she wanted in that precise moment was him.
A single moan escaped his lips as he dipped his head to kiss her again… “Maria…”
Suddenly the loud sound of the crowd of guests beginning to talk around her rapidly jolted Maria back to reality. Flushed cheeks, shaken and heart thudding wildly in her chest, Maria took a second to take in her surroundings: she was standing where she had been next to the ornate column and the Captain was still on the other side of the room, the Baroness by his side.
Was it real? Or was it a dream? Maria asked herself again.
But as she drank in lungfuls of air, Maria knew most definitely, it had been only a dream. The Captain had not approached her, nor had he kissed her. It had all been in her head. Her entire body trembled in the aftermath of her intense fantasy,
Maria didn’t know whether she was more relieved that he hadn’t actually kissed her or more guilty that she had wanted him to kiss her. But no matter how she felt about him or what she wanted from him, it was never going to eventuate into a reality. She had dedicated her life to God, to his service and that was to be her pathway in life. Besides, the Captain’s path seemed as clearly set as her own.
Yet, as Maria stared at the Captain once again across the crowded room, she wondered whether he also felt this feeling she sensed between them. He caught her gaze one final time before his attention was taken by another guest, and the passionate look in his eyes told her everything she needed to know: he felt it too. That was real, and not a dream.
Her heart soared even though she knew he was far beyond her reach. There was nothing she could do.
But finally as she turned away from him, Maria only hoped that no one else had seen his look of love, or knew how she felt about him in return.