Slipping Through My Fingers

by hehey173

Summary:

It starts with a cough that feels wetter than normal. He wipes it with the back of his hand and sees a trickle of blood. It is relieving in a strange way, he knew the Grey would catch up to him at some point. He has always been a bit sicker than the average person, a bit paler, weak. The chemical that was called “air” in Zaun has been slowly reaching to him for years now, its sharp claw curling around his body. First his leg, and now his lungs. It will swallow him, he knows it, has always known it. So yeah, he is relieved that he was right. Then the realization that he will have to tell Jayce hits him like a truck.

Notes:

This is my first fic and I am very excited to share it. English is not my first language so be nice. Enjoy!

This is loosely inspired by Alone on The Water by Mad_Lori https://archiveofourown.org/users/Mad_Lori/pseuds/Mad_Lori

Chapter 1

It starts with a cough that feels wetter than normal. He wipes it with the back of his hand and sees a trickle of blood. It is relieving in a strange way, he knew the Grey would catch up to him at some point. He has always been a bit sicker than the average person, a bit paler, weak. The chemical that was called “air” in Zaun has been slowly reaching to him for years now, its sharp claw curling around his body. First his leg, and now his lungs. It will swallow him, he knows it, has always known it. So yeah, he is relieved that he was right. Then the realization that he will have to tell Jayce hits him like a truck.

 

Viktor’s life has always been a tragedy. He was born to a poor family in the Undercity, with a leg that does not work properly. So he had to go through life with the weight of his cane in his hand. Then a riot breaks out between the people of Zaun and Piltover’s elites and in the flash of an eye, his parents are slaughtered by a bunch of enforcers. Viktor gets through this though, he has to. Some good things happen too. He takes up inventing and searches for scraps in the depth of Zaun’s junks. It distracts him from everything. Then there is a doctor, and he is kind enough to take Viktor in. This “doctor” seems more like a crazy scientist. His name is Singed and he is actually from Piltover. He used to work at the Academy, but parted ways with his partner after performing medical malpractice. Life seems good for some time and Viktor learns a lot from Singed. Then he realizes what kind of malpractice the doctor was performing: He is trying to resurrect his late daughter. Viktor wonders if he would ever matter enough for somebody to keep him alive. He decides that he would not want that as he realizes why that is a malpractice. Rio, Singed’s pet axolotl, falls terminally ill and the mad doctor tries to keep her alive by injecting chemicals into her twitching body. As Rio grows weaker, Singed injects even more chemicals into her, causing her to howl painfully. Whatever he must be injecting, it must hurt a lot. Viktor tells the doctor to let her go, that this is cruel. Singed replies that the mutation must survive and that is the end of their companionship.

Viktor’s alone again, but with a lot more knowledge on chemistry. The years go by as he tries to improve his knowledge on science. One evening, when he is in Piltover to find some parts that he could not in Zaun, he sees it. The Academy’s tall pillars are shining with the reflection of Pilover’s city lights. His throat tightens with longing and Viktor knows that he has to get in there. The Academy’s famous for its capable science graduates. Oh, how Viktor wishes he was studying there. He could find any part he needed and maybe he could have a lab desk for himself. It’s not fair that he doesn’t have a family name he could use or anyone at all to provide him with the money to study there. There has to be a way though. Novelty of this determination overwhelms him and he is sure of it now. He will get in there, even if he has to limp or crawl his way in.

A year later, he works at the Academy as the dean’s assistant. It pays his rent for a small apartment downtown. However, money is not a worry of his. He learns a lot, attends seminars, sneaks into lectures. Heimerdinger, his boss and the Head of the Academy, says that he is brilliant and takes him as a pupil. Viktor learns that Heimerdinger was the partner Singed parted ways with. This might be why his boss is so reluctant to take risks in his studies. Two sides of a coin, Singed and Heimerdinger. One day, the Council holds a public trial against a student at the Academy, Jayce Talis. He is being accused of using dangerous materials for his experiments and Viktor learns that there was an explosion at Jayce’s apartment. He watches the man get frustrated as Jayce angrily admits that he was studying magic. The council room is dead silent. The only noise is Jayce’s voice trying to convince them that magic can save their city, save lives. With Heimerdinger’s lead, the Council decides to ban his studies by confiscating his dangerous materials as well as his notes. After the trial, Viktor gets his hands on Talis’ writings on what he calls the “hexcore”. Heimerdinger tells him that the arcane is dangerous as it can corrupt. Viktor cannot stop himself from feeling intrigued.

He decides to go to Jayce’s apartment. It is ruined after the explosion, but he has a feeling that Jayce is there. He is proven right as he interrupts Jayce’s suicide attempt. He looked like he was about to jump. In the end, Viktor convinces Jayce that his hexcore project should continue, despite the Council’s verdict. So they start to study it together in the rubble of Jayce’s old apartment. It all seems very hopeful as the hexcore has a capability for different kinds of usage, as well as helping people. It also is very explosive and even a little pressure can trigger it. However, the bigger problem is stabilizing it as it is unusable without that. They could try to do it, but Jayce’s materials are locked in Heimerdinger’s lab. The only solution is to break in and that is exactly what they do. Councilor Mel Medarda catches them in the act, but they manage to convince her by explaining how impactful Jayce’s hexcore project can be. In the end, they manage to stabilize it and it is the best night of their lives. Viktor is finally where he wants to be, working in a lab with his partner, and Jayce gets to find purpose in life with Viktor’s belief in his studies. They don’t know this partnership would be the best and the worst thing in their lives.

Seven years pass and they don’t even realize it. They work tirelessly in the lab, improving the hexcore. They own Hextech, which is the name for their commercialized project now. Their biggest improvement is the Hex Gates, a way for easier, cheaper, and faster trade. It developed Piltover economically and welfare of its citizens have significantly improved. This helped them gain political power too. Their city is known as “the City of Progress” now. Jayce is the face of their project as he is good at this kind of thing. He also looks the part as he is undeniably handsome. “The Man of Progress” is thirsted after by a lot of men and women. His strong figure (thanks to the forge) with his big hands and broad shoulders, his bright hazel eyes, a contrast against his dark tan, make him look unforgettable. His charming personality with his childlike joy only add to the attraction. He looks like the perfect Piltie and their sponsors love that sort of thing. So Viktor stays in the shadows. People would surely be surprised to see that the partner of the Golden Boy was a sick cripple, with dark circles under his eyes. It is true, his condition overall got worse over the years. He has a brace on his bad leg now. A crutch has replaced his cane too. Both of them were made by Jayce in the forge. They are in House Talis colors. Jayce probably did this to make him feel like a part of his family. Jayce cares for these kind of things. In fact, Jayce is the most caring person he has ever met. He goes out of his way to help Viktor whenever he can, has never excluded him due to his disability. People tend to do that here, yet Jayce sees past it. He sees his brilliant brain and his humanity. Not a Zaunite, not a cripple, but Viktor, just Viktor. He doesn’t push it when Viktor states that he does not want to be in the public eye. Jayce is okay with being the face of Hextech.

These days, they are working on their latest improvement: making the hexcore safer. They did it in fact, it does not explode anymore. The thought of presenting this to Heimerdinger induces anxiety as he never was into progress. They want to give hextech to the people, they want to help. The people of Piltover and Zaun deserve better lives, and their project can facilitate it. The Progress Day is here and that means so is their presentation. It goes quite smoothly until Heimerdinger tells them to keep working on it for a decade so that is can be ready to give to the people. Dread fills Viktor. His health has been worsening rapidly, he might not have a decade. He can’t walk without his crutch anymore, not even a step. He is losing weight and feels weaker every day. Despite his protests, Heimerdinger is certain of his decision. The day gets only worse as their newly improved hexcore gets stolen by a Zaunite terrorist known as Jinx. Several enforcers die and Jayce’s childhood friend, Caitlyn is injured too. The Council is alarmed as they invite them to explain its powers. Mel proposes to make Jayce a councilor. Everyone, including Jayce, is shocked by such a proposal. They accept the offer when Mel states that they need someone that knows hextech on board.

Days go by and Jayce becomes more of a politician than a scientist. Gone are the late nights where they worked tirelessly in the lab together. Viktor doesn’t see him much now. He feels like a sea is stretching between them. Jayce does not talk about their projects anymore, he just tells him about his problems as a councilor and leaves. Their only other interaction is their bickering. Viktor feels Jayce slipping through his fingers, drifting further away from him, from hextech, from their dreams. One day, Jayce orders a blockade on the border of Zaun. Viktor is disappointed, but not surprised. Jayce is a scientist and he thinks like one too. These politicians are going to eat him alive. It gets more obvious that Mel is masterfully manipulating Jayce. Soon, Jayce is not so opposed to creating hextech weaponry.

“Jayce, we are not soldiers. This is the opposite of our goals.”

“What if this is the only way? Zaun has hextech now. They can use it against us. ”

Viktor cannot believe his naivety. “We don’t know that. If we create weapons now, it could trigger a war.”

Jayce looks at him hopelessly. “I just want to be ready. An uprising is likely, now that they have something as powerful as the hexcore. If they stabilize it, they can use it.”

“No weapon goes unused, Jayce. Someone could still use it and the damage would be too much. This is not what we wanted to do, this won’t help people.”

Jayce looks at him with sadness in his eyes. He says “This could be the only way to save people. That would help them.” desperation clinging to his voice.

“I don’t want to create something with the goal to harm. Especially something that has the capacity of the hexcore.” He gets frustrated, Jayce is not looking at him now. “This is ridiculous. You ignored our projects to help Zaun since the Progress Day, yet you want to create weapons for an unknown future. People need our help now Jayce.”

Jayce gives him a painful look “I have to think.” and Jayce is out the door.

Viktor is all alone. This last month, he coughed up blood for the first time. He did not tell anyone, not even to Jayce. For his defense, Jayce is rarely in the lab these days. He proposed using hextech in a war with Zaun to the Council, but surprisingly Mel has managed to convince him otherwise. Maybe she is not as bad as Viktor had thought. She definitely knew what she was doing. She wanted weapons, to be prepared, but she did not favor war. It made Viktor respect her brilliance a bit. She was the perfect politician, a complete opposite of Jayce. He really hoped there would be no war.

His illness is getting worse. The amount of blood that comes out is increasing with every cough. He has trouble breathing and he feels a lot weaker. One night, when Jayce is at an elitist party, Viktor feels a bit fuzzy. Their assistant bids him goodnight and leaves quietly. She seemes sad. Jayce told him that Sky had feelings for him. Viktor was not intrigued as he does not see her that way. Moreover, he is gay. So they were doomed from the start. Jayce asked him if he likes anyone and Viktor said that he didn’t have time to date. It is partially true as he is running out of time and that only makes him want to work more. Partially, because he loves someone. Even he is not immune to the charm of the Golden Boy. Viktor cannot tell him that though. Jayce seems straight. He also looks perfect while Viktor looks a mess, even more these days. So he keeps it to himself. He knows that Jayce loves him, but it is not romantic love. Viktor can live with that, though he misses Jayce these days. Especially on nights like this when he’s working till late hours. He is trying to find a way to cure himself. He thinks the hexcore has the ability to do that, but he doesn’t know where to look. After 2 hours more of experimenting, frustration creeps in. He shoves his notes off the desk and gets up too quickly. He feels dizzy as a coughing fit takes over. It does not stop after a few seconds and Viktor can see the blood on his desk, dripping from his mouth and nose. His Academy uniform is ruined now. Darkness swallows him after a while.

 

Jayce decides to stop at the lab to see if Viktor’s still working. It feels like they don’t talk really talk anymore. He is also worried. Viktor seems to get worse, he has visibly lost weight and has even darker circles under his eyes. It doesn’t help that he practically lives in the lab now. He works 24/7. His uniform is crumpled from sleeping in it, his chapped lips and disheveled hair makes his condition seem worse than it really is. At least Jayce hopes so. When he pushes the door of their lab open, he sees that Viktor is sprawled on the ground, his crutch beside him. There is so much blood on his face and on his uniform. Jayce cannot move for a moment, fearing his partner may not be breathing. Jayce gathers him in his arms and rushes to the emergency of the infirmary, another pros of living on the Academy Grounds. The doctors take over from there, they run a few tests. After an hour and a half, Jayce is sitting next to Viktor, who is still unconscious in a hospital bed. Jayce has his head in his hands, he has been crying. He had never felt so helpless before. Viktor shuffles in the bed.
“Jayce?”

“Viktor, the doctors… they said…” he cannot say it. That would make it real.

Viktor understands. “How much time do I have?” He doesn’t look scared or nervous. He looks relieved, like he expected this.

Jayce can’t help but ask “Did you know?”

“I had my doubts. One can feel when one’s body is eroding.”

“Why didn’t you tell me? Maybe we could’ve done something sooner.” His tone is not accusatory, it sounds sad, small.

“Well, you weren’t really around.” Viktor does not sound accusatory either. His voice is flat. He is just stating a fact.

“I’m sorry. I should have been there.” Jayce says in an apologizing tone.

“It’s okay. You’re here now.”

Jayce does not feel that its okay. He doesn’t feel okay at all. In only a night, his world came crushing down. He feels helpless. However, he is realizing something, something he should have realized sooner. He loves Viktor. Early on in their relationship he felt some weird things that he could not understand. So, he put those feelings away. Now, after coming so close to losing Viktor, he understands that it was love. He loves this man more than anything. He is going to resign from the council to be with Viktor for… till’ the end. He wants to tell Viktor about his revelation, but he has fallen asleep. Jayce does not have the heart to wake him, after such a night. So, he just stares at him, taking in his sharp cheekbones and angular jaw. He looks so tired, so small. Jayce realizes that he is not ready to lose him. Of course, he knew that already, but the novelty of his realization of his feelings for Viktor made him realize again. It will be hard to lose his best friend, he is not sure if he can lose the love of his life though. Jayce decides to not tell Viktor about his feelings. It is selfish, but he will be the one left behind. He needs to protect himself as much as he can. So he nods off in the plastic chair, hoping sleep can make him forget about tonight’s events.

Chapter 2

Notes:

There is smut in this one. There might be grammatical errors.

They fall into routine again, this time with both of them in the lab. Jayce is determined to find a way to cure his partner with the hexcore. However, all their subjects wilt and crumble into ashes after each test. Jayce is still determined though. This distracts him from the inevitable end, so he keeps working. He told Viktor that he was going to resign from the Council, but Viktor told him not to. Jayce would need something to do after his death. So, he cannot let Jayce stop playing politics. He does not leave Viktor’s side except for his Councilor duties though. It is kind of like the old times, the only exception being the impending heaviness of death. Viktor is grateful. He is also aware of his time running out. The need to find a cure makes him desperate. He says that it’s okay after each failed experiments, trying to comfort Jayce, but he feels scared too. There are rumors of some kind of substance in Zaun. It is said to be addictive, strong, but it also has medical capabilities. It’s called shimmer. Viktor decides to pay an old friend a visit.

Singed knows it’s him when he walks in the cave. The tapping of his crutch gives him away. Viktor understands now, the desperation to survive. The mutation must survive, he must survive. He tells the doctor of their experiments, the hexcore. Singed thinks the problem is not the hexcore, but the subjects. He hands him a vial with a shiny purple liquid inside. Viktor puts the shimmer in the hidden compartment of his crutch. Better to be safe as Piltover’s border control has been throughout for Zaunites these days. As he limps his way back to their lab, he prays that Jayce is not in. He won’t tell him about the shimmer. Thankfully, he is proven right. Viktor takes off his vest and pants, and looks at the hexcore pulsing. It’s purple now, a mix of its original blue color and the red of his blood when he collapsed in the lab a few weeks ago. He will start with his leg first, wouldn’t be sane to go all the way at first try. He carves the runes on his leg as well as his brace. The vial of shimmer in hand, he stands before the hexcore. No going back now. He injects all of it into his forearm and its effect is immediate, burning through his veins like its some kind of acid. The veins on his arms look purple now. It is kind of frightening, but he has to do it. His hand closes around the hexcore and a bright purplish light shoots off in all directions. It’s also pulling Viktor into its core. He stands there, trying to regain his balance, other arm flailing wildly. He is also aware that he is screaming. The feel of the hexcore’s power travelling through his veins, and mixing with the shimmer is agonizing, but he doesn’t let go. All of a sudden, Sky runs at him, yelling his name. She clings to his torso, trying to pull him away from the hexcore, away from his only hope. Viktor does not let go, and a beam of light explodes. Viktor is on the floor, his leg looks purple and metallic. He cannot feel the continuous ache that surrounded his leg all his life. So, it worked. He realizes that he is alone. There is ash in Sky’s uniform and her glasses are on the floor too. The hexcore killed her. Viktor frantically reaches for her glasses. He cannot digest that he just killed Sky. She was a bright woman, also Viktor’s longest friendship. Well, more like an acquaintance. Still, she had big dreams, and Viktor just killed her. She was probably just trying to save him. This fills him with anger and he decides to destroy the hexcore. Chair in hand, he is determined to crush it. Yet, he cannot. The only thing he is able to do is cry as he lowers his arms. There is a sharp pain in his new-leg. The hexcore must have zapped him for trying to destroy it. What has he done? This is dangerous, Heimerdinger was right. He has to destroy it.

He goes to the outer walls of Piltover, separating it from Zaun. There is water running on the other side. He sits on the edge, Sky’s glasses in hand. He put her ashes in a cup.

“I didn’t know where you would prefer. I’m sorry.” Viktor says as he scatters her ashes to the river underneath. The running water will take her to the city of Zaun, her home.

Viktor gets up and his chest fills with dread and anger. How dare he stand there with his brand new leg, while Sky’s ashes are mixed into a dirty river? He should be the one in her place. Suddenly, he decides to jump, hesitant as his foot struggles to take a step. When he is about to take a leap, Jayce interrupts him, just like he himself did years ago. Jayce looks at him with sorrowful eyes, but doesn’t say anything. He has a hammer-like thing in his hands, as tall as him too. Its handle glows with the familiar hexcore blue. It looks like a weapon. Jayce opens his mouth.

“Silco is dead.”

This takes Viktor aback. “What?”

“He was found shot multiple times through the chest. We don’t know who did it, but he is dead.”

Relief spreads through him. This means there won’t be war, at least for some time. Zaun cannot fight without its leader. Surely, it will cause internal chaos, but its better than a total war with Piltover. They don’t need to weaponize the hexcore.

Jayce says “I will get rid of this too.” Pointing at the hammer-like thing. “No need for it anymore.”

“Jayce”

His partner looks at him expectantly. “You have to destroy the hexcore.”

Jayce’s face looks shocked, eyebrows raising slightly. Then the sadness returns to his eyes. “What about curing you? It could save you.”

“It’s too dangerous. It killed Sky, Jayce. Heimerdinger was right. I can’t destroy it. So please, you have to. Promise me.”

Viktor must look quite desperate cause his partner gives up. “Okay, I promise.” His voice is small. He looks devastated.

They stare out at the Undercity in silence. After a while, he offers his arm to help Viktor go to their lab.

They work on new projects. Jayce kept his promise and destroyed the hexcore. It killed him to do it, but he can never go against Viktor’s wishes. He dreads the inevitable end. It seems so far away now, but Jayce knows better. Viktor’s getting weaker by day. He struggles to work, occasional coughing fits convulsing his body. Jayce ignores the blood that comes out every time. He is starting to take in the possibility of losing his partner now. He feels like they are running out of time. Regret clutches his chest, his abandonment of his partner to go be a politician eats away at him. God, he wasted so much time. He could have spent all those days with the man he loves, yet he chose the Council over him. In the end, he knows he is not really a good politician, he is just not wired that way. Jayce’s place is in the lab, he is a scientist. Yet, he tries to help people with the power that comes with being a politician.

His feelings for Viktor only seem to grow as he tries to keep it to himself. He realizes that, it might kill him if he doesn’t say anything. He was scared to lose more than his best friend, but the realization of his future regret scares him more. If he doesn’t confess now, he will have to live wondering “what if?” forever. The knowledge that they might have had something more than friends would haunt him. Also, Viktor deserves to be in love. Jayce never saw him in love, he did not seem interested in such matters. However, maybe Jayce can give him that before the time comes. Viktor’s coming over for dinner tonight. It seems like the perfect opportunity.

Jayce leaves the lab at 4 pm, asking to pick up Viktor at 7 pm from his apartment. Viktor insists in taking a cab though, and Jayce doesn’t push it. He gets home and starts to prepare everything. He has a bottle of chardonnay under his sink. When he told Viktor that he could make them tea or something rather than alcohol, his partner replied that he wanted to drink tonight. Jayce knows he is ill, but who is he to deny Viktor anything. So, he gets the bottle out and sets the table. He wants to cook a dish from Zaun. He knows that Vik likes chicken so he settles for a dish with it. He has been cooking more and more lately, it calms him down, a welcome distraction from everything. Mel liked his cooking when she came over to discuss some Council matters. They’ve become friends over the years, and now they can talk about more than just politics. She was the first person he told about Viktor’s illness. She was kind enough to cover for him at some meetings so that he could spend more time with Viktor. Jayce is grateful for her. He told about Viktor to his mother and Caitlyn too. They showed their sympathys for him and hugged him tightly. His mother told him to invite Viktor over for dinner. The “for the last time” goes unsaid, but Jayce knows it already. He will ask Viktor tonight.

The doorbell rings when Jayce is taking the dish out of the oven. Viktor is wearing a white shirt with black pants. He still looks a bit formal, but Jayce is happy to see him wearing something other than his Academy uniform. He helps him to the table and pours two glasses of wine. They talk about everything, though it is all very lighthearted. It fills Jayce with nostalgia. They used to eat take out in their lab when the work was too much. He wishes to go back to those times, though he knows that’s impossible. So he stays in the moment with Viktor, listening to him talk about all kinds of things. They laugh a little and Jayce starts to feel tipsy. He decides to tell him now. The alcohol gave him the courage, and he feels ready.

“Vik, I have to tell you something.” he says, feeling warm all over.

His partner nods at him, listening. Jayce takes a deep breath and opens his mouth “I have wanted to tell you this for some time, but I was scared. I had the best years of my life working in the lab with you. We did so much, created Hextech, discovered new things. I know that I neglected our friendship when I first got into politics, and I regret it now. I couldn’t do any of that without you. I know that I was the Man of Progress and that is what paved the way for politics, but I also know that you made me the Man of Progress. All of this wouldn’t have existed without you. You saved my life on the day we met. You believed in Hextech, believed in me. Your support has kept me going for all these years. I am what I am today, because of you. I couldn’t, wouldn’t want to do this without you. It all means nothing if I am alone. So, I thought that the least I could do was to tell you.”

Silence grows between them. Jayce’s heart is beating so fast. Viktor looks moved. He looks a bit shocked too, as he seems frozen in place, waiting for Jayce to continue. Jayce feels affection burst in his chest. To hell with it.

“I love you.”

Viktor looks at him with wide eyes, his lips parted a bit. He doesn’t say anything and Jayce panics.

“You don’t have to say anything. I just had to tell you.”

His partner seems a bit calmer now. Viktor smiles at him and says “I love you too, Jayce.”

Jayce is the happiest man on Earth. He gets up to hug Viktor, but his face is pulled downwards by thin arms. Viktor crashes their lips together, and Jayce forgets how to breathe. He can’t believe that he gets to have this. For a moment, they forget about everything that’s been going on. They just exist in the moment. Viktor hands are grabbing at Jayce’s shirt, and his are on the smaller man’s back. He drags his palms on the bones, feels his ribs from the back. Viktor breaks the kiss and his hands reach to the other man’s shirt’s hem. He looks up at Jayce with a question in his eyes.

“May I?”

Jayce nods frantically. He will take whatever Viktor wants to give him. Delicate hands pull his shirt off and he helps his partner with his too. Viktor looks quite underweight, but lovely all the same. Jayce feels like he is going to cry from his affection. Instead, he starts leaving kisses on the other man’s neck. He kisses everywhere he can reach, his collarbones, his jaw, his Adam’s apple. Viktor’s breath quickens as Jayce leaves a kiss on his sternum. The front of his pants is tenting and Jayce can see a bulge. He cups it, and the warmth of his hand makes Viktor moan. His partner tries to wiggle out of his pants and Jayce helps him. He sees Viktor’s purple leg. Viktor had told him about it, but he has never seen it. It’s cold and seems to be made of metal wires. Viktor can see the questions reflected on Jayce’s face, but the younger man doesn’t say anything. He simply peels off Viktor’s underwear and stares at his cock. He might have stared a bit too long as the other man says “You should take off your pants too.” Jayce does as he’s told and stands in front if Viktor, naked as the day he was born. He can feel Viktor taking his body in. There’s hunger in his eyes and Jayce can’t help but dive for the man’s cock. He licks the head to test the waters, asking if this is alright. Viktor says it’s more than alright. This is all Jayce needs to hear as he swallows his cock down to the base. He tries not to gag, this is his first time giving a blow job to a man. However, he kind of knows what to do from his past partners. He can feel it pressing at the back of his throat, but he manages to settle after a few coughing sounds. Viktor’s watching him with half-lidded eyes. He looks at Jayce like he is something unreal, unearthly. Jayce would do anything to have Viktor look at him like that. So, he starts bobbing his head, sucking like a starved man.

After a while, he hears Viktor say something, though it’s unintelligible as he cannot seem to catch his breath. Then his mouth fills with cum and he can see Viktor’s squeezed his eyes shut. Viktor pulls out of his mouth and Jayce swallows without thinking. It’s bitter, but he doesn’t care. He wants to have everything Viktor’s willing to give. He is still hard himself. Viktor proposes for Jayce to fuck him, and Jayce agrees excitedly. He gets up to lead his lover to his bed. He reaches for the lube in his drawer and coats his fingers with it. Viktor turns to lie on his stomach and nods at Jayce. He puts a finger in, it goes in easily as Viktor is loose after cumming. He massages for a while then puts a second one in. He opens him up, scissoring his fingers. Viktor is starting to get hard again. His breathing sounds ragged. Jayce adds a third finger in.

“Jayce just do it. I’m gonna cum again if you keep doing that.”

Jayce pulls his fingers out and pours a generous amount of lube on his shaft, warms the liquid with his hands. Lining up, he starts to slowly thrust in. Viktor seems a bit uncomfortable when he is halfway in. He knows he is bigger than the average man. Jayce waits for him to adjust, even though it is hard not to move. When Viktor nods, Jayce bottoms out, pulling out only to push all the way in. Viktor makes a chocked sound, and demands him to move. Jayce starts thrusting, and Viktor starts breathing loudly. He loses himself in it, realizing that this is all he ever wanted. Viktor is lying beneath him, knuckles gone white with how tight he is holding the sheets. Jayce holds his hand, and kisses the back of his neck. Viktor’s moaning louder now. Jayce realizes that he is saying “harder”. He pulls all the way out to push in harder than ever. He thrusts over and over again. He is overwhelmed by all of this. The feeling, his partner’s scent, his cries of pleasure. Jayce realizes that he himself is talking too. He is whispering “I love you” non-stop. He is out of breath and feels his body getting closer to the edge. Just then, Viktor’s coming underneath him, his insides pumping Jayce. This pushes him over the edge and he spills deep inside his partner. He pulls out and lies next to Viktor bonelessly. Viktor’s arms are around him as he pulls him closer. Viktor shushes him as he pets his hair. Jayce realizes that he is crying. He has everything now, but it won’t last long. He will lose this. Overwhelmed, Jayce keeps sobbing into Viktor’s chest as he cards his fingers through his hair. He falls asleep listening to his partner’s heartbeat. He wants to memorize it.

The next morning, Viktor wakes up alone. The sun is up, it must be early noon. Jayce greets him from the kitchen as he walks out the room. He hands him a cup of tea, sipping the other one himself. They have breakfast and the conversation is light. Jayce offers for him to move in. Viktor is not sure as he doesn’t want to haunt Jayce’s home after his passing, but Jayce insists. So, he agrees to it. The next day, Jayce helps him pack his things. There is not much, just a few clothes and some lab equipment. Jayce wants to be there till the end, and Viktor has never denied him anything in his life. So, they will live together and play house as long as they can.

Chapter 3

It’s been three and a half months and Viktor’s still here. They have a quiet life now. They wake up entangled and go to sleep the same way. Viktor works on a desk in their living room. It is near the big windows, he can see the sea from his chair. Jayce makes them tea every morning. He only leaves when he has a Council meeting. They host dinners with their friends. Mostly with Caitlyn and her girlfriend, Vi. Cait says that they met when she got Vi out of prison. She needed someone to help her navigate through Zaun while she was looking for Jinx. Jinx turned out to be Vi’s long lost sister. They made up now and the sisters are slowly getting to know each other again. Jayce’s happy for his friend, he knew she would find someone. He hopes it turns out well for her, though he envies them. They have all the time in the world, they can take it slow. It is hard to live expecting everyday to be the last one. He has developed a kind of paranoia. He keeps checking Viktor every now and then. He checks if he is breathing in his sleep, checks when he spends more than 20 minutes in the bathroom. He has accepted it now. This doesn’t give him any peace though.

Viktor brings up his funeral one day. Jayce tries to keep his expression neutral. Viktor wants to leave him everything. He also requests Jayce to help plan his funeral, says it will be for him mostly. Jayce asks his opinion, but Viktor says that he won’t be there, so it doesn’t matter. Jayce tries to choose a headstone. He settles on a shiny dark gray one. Then the question of what to write on it comes. He wants to write husband, he wants it to be official. Also, the realization that Viktor does not have a last name means that his grave won’t have one too. He wants his last name on that stone, Talis. That convinces him to propose. One night while they’re cuddling in bed, Jayce asks if Viktor wants to get married. He snorts first, then realizes that Jayce is not joking.

“Are you sure? It certainly won’t be a long marriage. You will be a widower.”

“I don’t care. I want to have this. I want marriage and I want it with you.”

This convinces Viktor and they decide to get married 2 weeks later. It’s a small ceremony and a few people are there. They congratulate them. Word gets out and everyone’s surprised that Jayce Talis, the Golden Boy of Piltover is married to a Zaunite. They don’t really hear of it though as they rarely leave the house these days. Viktor is getting weaker and he has trouble with even standing up. His metallic leg does not stop his body from aching. Jayce makes him a wheelchair in the forge, embeds the House Talis emblem in the center of the wheels. He puts a bow on it before giving it to his husband. Viktor loves it.

“How did you make this? How do you know how to make a wheelchair?!”

“I had some help. Mel knows someone with one and I just took notes on it.”

“You’re incredible. I love you.”

“I am incredible because I love you.”

Jayce gets cheesier everyday, making teasing comments on the smallest things. It distracts Viktor from his pain, how weak he is getting. Jayce takes him to parks on sunny days, it does help lighten his mood. Jayce takes care of him so tirelessly that Viktor feels like he doesn’t deserve it. Though, he knows that it helps Jayce too. Jayce has installed metal bars everywhere around the house, so that Viktor can hold them when he is standing. He runs hot baths for him to help with his aches, cooks his favorite meals, makes him tea, sometimes sweetmilk too. His care for him is the same in bed too. Viktor never thought he could have such a perfect marriage. They wasted a lot of time, they could have had this years ago, but it is what it is.

One day, Viktor collapses from a coughing fit. Jayce is there in an instant. He kneels beside his husband on the kitchen floor. Blood is dripping from the side of his mouth. Jayce calls an ambulance. They are at the hospital 20 minutes later. The doctors say that a blood clot has gotten stuck in his windpipe. They manage to get it out somehow. Jayce sits in the chair next to his husband. They gave him something for his pain, which made him pass out. He turns his wedding band on his finger. He looks at Viktor. His cheekbones seem even sharper now that he has lost a lot of weight. Jayce tries to feed him well, but he gets nauseous if he eats a lot. The dark circles under his eyes are more visible than ever. Jayce makes a mental note to get him to sleep more. He feels hopeless again. Jayce cannot pretend that the inevitable end is getting closer. It’s not fair. Viktor worked so hard to achieve everything he has. He is brilliant, hard-working, and loves his job with a passion. He works tirelessly to create projects that would help the people, especially the people of Zaun. He doesn’t deserve this. Jayce has never been religious, but he keeps praying these days. For a miracle, for more time. Jayce is pulled from his pondering by Viktor’s snoring. He gazes at his husband’s sleeping form fondly, reminds himself that he is still here, they still have time. For the second time in his life, he falls asleep in a plastic chair.

Viktor is discharged the next morning. They make their way home. Jayce makes them tea and offers to cook something, but his husband says that tea is enough. He sits on his desk to continue an experiment he was doing earlier. Jayce watches him quietly. His heart is full. Tears threaten to spill from his eyes. He excuses himself to the bathroom. He hasn’t been able to really calm down since last night. He takes a shower, cries under the hot stream. He gets out and pretends like nothing happened, like everything is alright. He cooks the same dish he made on the night he confessed to Viktor. He listens to Viktor tell him about his latest experiments, though he can feel death getting closer. He wonders about how many times they will end up at the hospital before Jayce will be the only one to go back home. His thoughts get interrupted by Viktor’s voice.

“Jayce, are you listening?”

“Yeah, I’m all ears.”

Viktor looks unconvinced. “Lying isn’t your strong suit, husband.”

Jayce knows that Viktor’s teasing him, and he expects to be teased back, but Jayce cannot do that today. “Do you fear death?” he asks a bit too quick.

Viktor looks a bit stricken at the blunt question. “Not as much as I fear leaving you behind.”

Jayce feels his throat tighten, he must be bad at hiding his worry if his husband worries for him more than himself. “You shouldn’t be thinking about me, you should focus on yourself. I’m sorry if I made you feel like you have to comfort me.”

Viktor looks at him with a small smile on his lips “Am I not allowed to worry about my husband? I thought that’s what you do when you’re married.” He is still trying to lighten the mood, but Jayce just stares at him with a sad pout. “Jayce, I have accepted this. Yes, I am scared, everyone is. Obviously, I don’t want to die, but I know that I will, and I accept it. What else can I do?”

Jayce just keeps looking at him. He looks uncomfortable to be talking about this. Viktor opens his arms and he lets himself fall in his embrace. “I don’t know what to do after…” he can’t say it.

Viktor keeps petting his head. “You don’t have to, but I have a request. Please, don’t do something stupid. You have to live. So, don’t even think about it.”

His husband seems to be able to read him like a book. Of course, he knows that Jayce thought of committing suicide. He just nods into his chest.

“You will have a wonderful life. Promise me you will live, not just survive. I know that it might take some time, but you need to do it. That’s my will.”

Jayce swallows. Why did his will have to be this? “Okay, I will.” he says with an unbelieving voice. Viktor gave him purpose to live years ago. How can he keep going after that purpose is gone?

His cheeks are wet. He is crying quietly. He hears a wet sob above his head. Viktor’s eyes are teary too. So, they just hold each other, because what else is there to do?

Weeks turn into months, and winter comes forth. They stay inside. Viktor gets cold easily, in fact, he is cold all the time now. Jayce wraps him in blankets, makes sweetmilk to keep him warm. It’s been 6 months since they got married. It deserves a celebration. They invite Caitlyn and Vi over. Jayce asks Mel too and she agrees to come. They toast to half a year of being married. Their friends congratulate them. Viktor goes to bed early since he gets tired easily now. Jayce sits with their friends. They don’t talk about what is coming, Jayce cannot take their pity. Instead, the conversation focuses on their lives. Cait and Vi moved in together. Vi is a lot closer to her sister now. She promises to bring her next time. Mel tells them how her mother has been bothering her. She sounds annoyed. They don’t ask what Jayce has been doing, and Jayce is relieved. They all know that he is waiting for Viktor to… Anyways, they drink wine till midnight. Then everyone starts to leave. Jayce is alone in their living room. He looks at Viktor’s desk by the window, his crutch leaned against the wall. It’s goes mostly unused now that Vik prefers the wheelchair. Jayce sits there staring for a while. Then he goes to his husband’s side. He watches his chest rise and fall in sleep. He wants to carve the image into his mind. Viktor looks peaceful in sleep, face not contorted by pain. He looks a bit younger. Jayce knows that any moment could be the last. So he lies next to his partner’s chest and falls asleep to the sound of his breathing.

After that night, it gets worse. They have been in and out of the hospital for the last month. Jayce always feels like each trip will be the last one. Though, it never comes. They always go back home the other day. He thanks to a God he doesn’t believe in after each trip, just to be sure. Viktor gets a lot weaker and Jayce has to help him with basic things, like taking a shower, going to the toilet. Jayce doesn’t mind though, he will do anything to keep Vik here. He breathes in the shampoo as his hands continue to wash his husband’s hair. It has gotten longer now, it suits him. He massages his scalp and Viktor makes pleasured noises. After it, Viktor asks if he can help him cut his hair. Jayce agrees to it, even though he will mourn his long hair. He somehow manages to do a decent job. Vik’s hair looks like the way it did on their first night as a couple. Jayce wishes he could go back. Viktor’s voice breaks the silence.

“Do you regret it, destroying the hexcore?”

Jayce doesn’t know what to say. He wishes that they could use it as a cure, but he is also happy that he kept his promise. “I mean, if it could cure you, then yes, but I know that it was dangerous. We don’t really know what would happen.”

Viktor looks thoughtful. “I guess we will never know, but to be honest, I sometimes regret it a bit.”

“I do too.”

“But it is what it is, no turning back now. It really was dangerous, though. I wouldn’t want to accidentally kill more people. So mostly, I’m glad you destroyed it.”

Jayce agrees. He knows that Viktor has not forgiven himself for Sky’s death. God knows what he would do if more people died. Viktor had written a letter to Sky’s family. They should know what happened to their daughter. Jayce went to deliver it to them. He left out the part where Viktor causing her death, but other than that, it was mostly true. Her parents cried a bit, but at least they got closure.
Viktor’s birthday comes and Jayce bakes him a sweetmilk cake. Vik’s delighted by it. They share it together and have a weed session on the couch. The doctors had prescribed Viktor with it to ease his pain. He insists for Jayce to smoke it too. They laugh a lot, and start making out. Jayce gives him head as a birthday present and they fall asleep like that. Jayce feels at peace for the first time in months. He finally gets a full night’s sleep.

The other day is a bad one though. Viktor’s in the hospital again. He couldn’t breathe after breakfast and Jayce panicked. The doctors tell him that his lungs are failing. They offer to give an oxygen tube to take home. Jayce listens as they explain how to attach it to his nose. They go home with a huge oxygen tube in hand. A month passes, and Jayce has mastered how to use the oxygen tube. Viktor’s breath gets stuck a lot these days. He cannot even talk properly, there is a wheezing sound at the back of his throat. Jayce hates to see him like this. His husband is suffering and there is nothing he can do to stop it. Viktor confessed to him that he had thought of killing himself, but decided against it because of Jayce. It just makes Jayce sadder. He wants Viktor to not be in pain, but he cannot just let him go.

Turns out he doesn’t have to as the universe decides for him. Jayce is doing the dishes one night when he hears a thump from the bathroom. Viktor went in to brush his teeth after dinner. Jayce goes to check on him and sees his husband on the floor, struggling to breathe. He runs to get the oxygen tube. It doesn’t do much though, Vik just keeps wheezing. Jayce has a feeling that this is it. So, he holds him on the bathroom floor and whispers that he loves him over and over. After a while, Viktor’s body goes limp, and when Jayce checks for his pulse, he can’t feel anything.

Notes:

I'm sorry. Jayce is gonna lose it in the next chapter.

Chapter 4

Summary:

It begins.

Jayce stands before a dark headstone. It has Viktor Talis written on it in silver. Underneath the name reads "Innovative Scientist, Beloved Husband". Jayce also decided to engrave Viktor’s wedding band on the top. It’s a nice headstone, Viktor approved the material. He has been on autopilot since that night. He couldn't really digest it yet, he just approved whatever questions Mel had about the funeral. She suggested using violets to decorate the coffin. Jayce did not think about that before, but he agreed to it. There are dark circles under his eyes and he has a bit of a stubble. He couldn’t do anything other than sitting on their bed and staring at the wall. Now, he is just standing there with a violet bouquet in his hands. There are more people than he expected. None of them really knew Viktor, they are just there to give their condolences to Councilor Talis. It is a bit irritating, but he cannot really shoo them away. So, he just stands there under the rain, waiting for it all to end. One by one, people start to leave. Then Mel does too, saying there is an emergency. She promises to visit him after though. Caitlyn asks him if there is anything she could do, if he wants any company or to go somewhere else, but he declines. He is alone now, the willow tree near the grave moves its leaves with the rain. Jayce feels the fresh soil with his palm, tries to flatten it to make it look tidier. He rearranges the violets near the grave. The stone looks even shinier with the rain.

Jayce finds himself in their old lab. It is as they left it before carrying their experiments to their apartment. It’s technically still his lab, so he can do whatever he wants with it. He sits on his old chair, takes the equipment in his hands, examining it. Suddenly, it feels like Viktor would be working at his desk if he just turns to look. He even believes it for a second. It is empty, when he looks. The desk is devoid of any equipment or blueprints either, it’s all at the apartment now. He gets up to look around a bit, doesn’t know why, but it feels like he should. There are tea cups in the cupboard, there is even the one with his face on it, the Man of Progress. Viktor likes that one, so he grabs it to bring it home. This starts a chain reaction of Jayce taking bits of things to bring home. He loses track of time, and the lab looks a mess now.

Mel finds Jayce crouched on the floor of their old lab. There are open boxes with all kinds of thing on the floor, pieces of scraps scattered near them. Jayce’s eyes look red, he must have finally broke down. Mel knows that she can’t say anything to make it better, so she just sits next to Jayce, and embraces him, pulling his head to her shoulder. Wet sobs fill the room, and Mel holds him a little tighter. They grow louder after a while, Jayce is practically heaving in her arms. He is vaguely aware that he is probably smearing his snot-mixed tears on Mel’s dress, he is too tired to apologize for it though. They stay like that for what feels like hours then Mel suggests taking him home. Right, he still has to go home, still has to face it. It didn’t feel real until the funeral. Jayce is not sure if he is ready to do this or if he will ever be ready, but he knows that he has to.

Mel drops him at his apartment as Jayce did not want any company. He turns the key in the lock, taking a deep breath as he steps inside. It all looks normal. Viktor’s desk is still littered with his notes, wheelchair still near it. The cup he drank sweetmilk in still sits on the counter. Jayce was going to wash it that night, but he was interrupted by... It has been there for days now. It feels too final to wash it now. There won’t ever be sweetmilk in it again. Jayce goes into their bedroom. Viktor talked to him about this after the day Jayce was finished with planning his funeral.

“Jayce, do you know what will you do after it? Would you like to go on a holiday or something? Would that help?”

Jayce just stares at him. He shakes his head.

“Okay, you might stay with someone. What about your mother?”

He shakes his head again. He doesn’t want anyone other than Viktor with him, and that would be impossible.

“Will you go home? Are you sure you want to do that?”

Jayce doesn’t want to do anything, he doesn’t even want to have this conversation either, but Vik deserves to have it. He clears his throat “It might be better to face it. I don’t think I can keep ignoring it for that long.” He aims for a teasing tone, but it comes out sounding sad.

Viktor looks at him with understanding. “Alright, if that’s what you want. If you want to look around a bit, I may leave you some surprises.”

Jayce knows that he is trying to help, to lighten the mood. He can’t say anything other than a quiet “Okay”.

Now, standing near their bed, Jayce doesn’t know if Viktor left him anything. He told him that he would, but Jayce cannot be sure if he actually did it. You can’t really know your death date, he may not have gotten to do it. Jayce was against the idea first, but God, he hopes Viktor left him at least something. His lovely, brilliant husband knew that this would distract him a bit. He starts to look around hopefully, digging in their drawers. He finally finds a note attached under Viktor’s work desk. It’s a teasing one, daring him to find the others. He keeps finding short notes everywhere, one inside a cup in their kitchen cabinet, one in one of Vik’s shoes, one attached to his crutch. They all tell a favorite memory of Viktor’s. It’s all lighthearted and a bit teasing. Jayce can feel himself smiling, he can also taste the tears on the corners of his mouth. The places seem to have a pattern, they’re all Viktor’s things. Jayce decides to look at his side of the bedroom. There is nothing on the bed, but inside the drawer on Vik’s nightstand, is a scandalous thing. There is a note attached to one of his husband’s dildos. It reads “My second favorite thing to fuck”. It is so absurd that Jayce can’t help but snort. Viktor’s making him laugh beyond the grave. He wheezes as he continues to look at it. It’s so silly. Jayce would’ve never thought that he would be looking at his husband’s sex toys after the funeral. He feels so strange, like he is uncontrollably giggling, but then it quickly turns into uncontrollable sobbing. Jayce falls to his knees in front of the nightstand, chest heaving as he struggles to breathe. Tears mix with snot on his face. He wipes it away, but it’s no use. It keeps pouring down his lashes. He is aware that he is loudly sobbing. He can’t keep it down, he can’t do anything.

Jayce opens his eyes to a dark bedroom. It must be night. He probably passed out from tiredness after crying for hours. His head is on Viktor’s side of the bed, but his body is on the ground. His hand finds his husband’s pillow. He presses his face into it, inhales the scent. It brings tears to his eyes. How can he still cry? Shouldn’t his tearducts have gone dry now? How long will he be like this? This loop of numbness and sobbing nonstop feels like it’s repeating. He gets up to find his phone in the living room, on Viktor’s desk. It’s 9.37pm. There is nothing to do, not that he feels up to it anyway. Jayce lies down on their bed, trying to sleep. In the end, he stares at the ceiling till the sun comes up.

Caitlyn texts him in the morning, stating that she will be visiting with Vi in an hour. Jayce decides to look at Vik’s latest notes on his projects in the meantime. He finds an outline of a new one. It’s a kind of metal glove to help the miners by protecting their hands as well as using battery power to grab things. The batteries would be self-charging and it would significantly reduce the muscle power needed to work in the mines. It is just some rough sketches now, but seems promising to Jayce. Sadly, it will never be finished. Maybe Jayce can do it himself sometime, but he cannot even do basic things yet. There is no deadline anyway. His thoughts are interrupted by the doorbell ringing. Caitlyn has a packet of take-out food in her hand, one of his favorites too. Vi has a bottle of wine in her hand. She asks if Jayce wants a glass, but he declines. So, she leaves it on the counter. Cait announces that she’s gonna make some tea. After, they sit on the couch. The cup of tea hot in Jayce’s hands, he forces himself to take a sip every now and then. It’s a domestic picture, his friends and him drinking tea in silence on their couch. No one talks about it, they all know better. Jayce continues to just sip his drink. Caitlyn breaks the silence.

“When was the last time you showered? Do you want to do it while we’re here?”

Vi agrees saying “It might help you feel better.”

Jayce wants to say that nothing can help him anymore, but he must stink. His friends deserve better. So, he agrees to it.

He stands under the hot stream, letting it run through his body. His eyes sting with something, but he’s not sure if it is the water or his tears. 20 minutes later he’s out, drying his hair with a towel. He looks wrecked in the bathroom mirror. His face is swollen, and his stubble has gotten worse. He puts on a sweater and gets out of the bathroom.

Caitlyn and Vi are on the couch, their empty cups are on the coffee table. Vi seems to tense when she sees him. Jayce hates them to behave like this, like they're walking on eggshells around him He sits next to Cait. She teases that the room doesn’t smell anymore. Jayce just nods. He decides to tell them about Viktor’s project. They listen intently.

“You should finish it.” Vi says.

Jayce nods. “I need some time though.”

Caitlyn looks at him with a soft smile “That’s good, Viktor would want you to do it.”

Jayce feels a sudden rage inside him “Well, it doesn’t matter anymore. He’s dead.” He doesn’t want to hear anything about his husband. No one knows him like Jayce. How dare they tell him what he would want? How dare he leave Jayce with an unfinished project? How dare he leave at all?

The room falls silent. Vi looks uncomfortable, but Cait just looks at him with sad eyes. A more logical part of him knows that they’re just trying to help. His anger is overcome by sadness and guilt now. He feels the familiar sting of tears. They fall down his face quietly. Cait holds his hand and Vi gets up to rub his back. He stops after what feels like an hour. His friends bid him goodbye. They tell him to call if he needs anything, then they’re out the door.

Jayce just needs his husband, the one thing he cannot ever have again. He goes to lie in bed for another sleepless night. If he’s lucky, he will fall asleep from crying.

A week passes by in the same manner. Jayce keeps staying home. Sometimes Mel or Caitlyn visit. His mother is abroad for the month. She insisted on coming back when Viktor died, but Jayce begged her not to. He doesn’t want to inconvenience anyone. They can do whatever the hell she wants when she’s back. Jayce doesn’t really know if company is better or not. In fact, he doesn’t know anything anymore. He can’t think straight. Flashes of his husband appear in his mind. He has nightmares, most of them of Viktor rotting underground. He wakes up sprinting to the bathroom to throw up in the middle of the night. He also has nice dreams, where his husband is still with him. He looks healthy too. It leaves him waking up with hope. He reaches to the other side of the bed with his eyes closed, expecting to wrap his arm around his husband’s waist, only to be met with cold sheets. He’s been losing weight lately, so he tries to eat well. Jayce doesn’t care about his health anymore. In fact, he would rather be six feet under too, but Viktor’s stated explicitly that he wanted Jayce to live. He has to keep his last promise to his husband. So, he gets up to make breakfast for himself. There is a burning sting on his cheeks. Tears must have started to erode the skin there. He makes tea for himself and sits down to eat. Something stops him in his tracks. He made two cups of tea, but he only needs one. It must have become a reflex while living with Viktor for months. Jayce wants to cry at the simplicity of such an act. It goes on like that, he keeps making two cups of tea every morning. Sometimes he can forcefully stop himself, sometimes he realizes too late. He drinks the extra one or pours it down the drain.

A month and a half passes. Mel’s visits grow more frequent. She sometimes stays the night too. Jayce asks if there’s anything going on with the Council, if he should come back, but she says that it’s alright. She covers for him a lot. One day, Mel suggests visiting the grave. Jayce did not go again after the funeral. He feels guilty for it, but he’s not sure if he can face it yet. Still, he decides to go in the end. So, he’s walking towards the willow tree, where his husband lies beneath. The stone still looks new. It’s tidy and clean too. Mel must have arranged it. He has a bouquet of fresh violets in his hand. He puts it in the vase near the grave. Jayce wants to talk to him, but it feels weird. He has to get it off his chest though.

“Hi, Vik. I miss you, we all do.”

The weirdness he felt seem to evaporate as his emotions take over. “I wanted to visit sooner, but I was not ready. I am here now, though. I wish you were too.”

Tears threaten to spill, but he keeps talking “I love you. I know you don’t believe in such things, but I hope you are somewhere better now. I hope I can see you again someday.”

He pets the headstone, dragging his fingers on Viktor’s engraved wedding ring. It feels a bit damp as it was raining yesterday.

“I found your “surprise”. You’re brilliant. I also saw your sketches of the glove project. I want to finish it. I will credit you for it, so the miners in Zaun know your legacy.”

Wind blows through the willow tree. Jayce thinks it looks peaceful. He wants to be buried here when the time comes. He wants to be next to his husband for eternity.

He gets up to say goodbye “I will visit regularly. I love you and I miss you so much.”

His tears are spilling down his cheeks now, but he lets them. With one last look, he turns to walk away.

Chapter 5

Summary:

Jayce's story goes on

Notes:

Not beta read.

The days go on. Most days are bad, Jayce just stays at home. Some are worse where he feels like the world ended long ago, but he is the only one who knows it. It’s been a few months now. His mother stayed with him for a while when she came back. Jayce broke down in her arms, just like he did with almost anyone else. His friends continue to visit too, they try to encourage him to do things, like starting on Vik’s unfinished project. It seems more doable now. Sitting at home all day does not make him feel better. Viktor said to live, not just survive. He needs to start somewhere if he’s going to keep his promise. The project feels like a mission, it could distract him. It would also honor his husband. It would do him good.

Jayce sits at Viktor’s old desk near the windows. His crutch is still leaned against the wall, his wheelchair is in their bedroom now though. It feels too big to just sit in the living room, and Jayce likes seeing it when he wakes up. His hands go through Vik’s notes. He decides to hang the sketches on the wall, for easy access. He needs scraps. There are some left at their lab at the Academy. Jayce hasn’t been on the grounds since the funeral. He hasn’t even attended any Council meetings. Mel says it’s alright, but he knows better. The other Councilors are not so understanding, and it’s been months. He needs to either go or resign at some point. Maybe he can shoot two birds with one stone by going to a meeting while he’s already there to get some scraps. It seems logical, he still needs to tell Mel though. So, he invites her over for dinner. She’ll be here at 8pm. They can talk then.

He debates whether to cook or get take-out, but he decides on the latter. He hasn’t cooked for a long time. He used to cook dinner for Viktor every night. It feels too familiar, he can’t do it yet. There’s still the bottle of wine Vi brought months ago. He feels like drinking tonight. He’ll set the table for Mel, pour the wine into delicate glasses. She’s been there for him since thefuneral, he should do something for her. Mel is at the door after 10 minutes. Jayce greets her, and she steps inside. She is wearing a white sun dress. It looks neat, but Mel looks tired. She must have been working full-time today. The weather’s been getting warmer with the first weeks of summer. Jayce realizes this for the first time. Seeing Mel’s dress reminds him of the time that’s been passing. Seems that it doesn’t stop for anyone. He gestures her to the table, and pours the wine. They eat as he tells her about Vik’s project. Mel encourages him to finish it. He also asks if he can join a Council meeting.

“Of course you can, Jayce. You don’t have to, though. I can cover for you. There hasn’t been
much going on to be honest.”

Jayce is not sure if he wants to face the Council yet, but he knows that Viktor would want him
to. “I need to start somewhere. When’s the next meeting?”

Mel doesn’t fight him “It’s on Thursday. The time is not scheduled yet, but it would probably be
in the morning.”

Jayce can do that. He will stop by the lab to get the scraps after the meeting. They drink and talk for a few hours, and then Mel gets up to leave. This was good. Jayce can feel the weight of death hanging in the air. It’s there, but he has gotten used to it. His friends don’t seem to mind either. They are happy to make awkward small talk with him as long as he likes. He feels grateful to have such friends. He wishes Vik could join them too, but it is what it is. Such thoughts still cause a stinging his eyes. It’s getting late, he should go to bed. He’s been sleeping better these days, the nightmares are rarer now. In fact, he doesn’t have any dreams most nights. He lies on the bed, hand still reflexively reaching to the other side, but he knows there won’t be anyone there. Still, the knowledge pains him. Afterall, old habits die screaming.

He wakes up with a headache. It’s seems early in the morning, too early. He couldn’t sleep much last night. Memories kept haunting him. He just laid there, feeling a deep ache in his chest. Everyone tells him that the memories will stop hurting at some point, though he doesn’t know when. If he’s being honest, he would still rather be dead now. His survival is hanging on the sole promise he made to his husband. His last promise. Really, it’s the least he could do. So, he gets up to make breakfast. Nausea settles in his stomach. He settles for just tea. After a while, he sits at the table with two cups of tea in front of him. Jayce drinks them both to not waste any. In a few days, is their wedding anniversary. Cait suggested to throw a dinner party. She knows Jayce is in no position to host one. He agreed to it. He gets up to go to his husband’s desk. The project is a nice distraction, working on it doesn’t feel like work. It comes easy to him. By Thursday morning, there are new sketches on the desk. The materials he needs to make it seem clear now. Jayce starts to get ready for the first time in months. He decides to trim his new beard a bit to make it look tidier. Vi told him that it suits him, so he decided to keep it. It would require energy he doesn’t have to shave every morning. He doesn’t know how he did it before Viktor’s death. Jayce wonders if he would like the beard. He never got to see it. Maybe he sees it now, from somewhere. Maybe, there is an afterlife. Maybe, Jayce can see him again someday, this time healthier. God, he hopes so. He’s afraid to forget his face. Yes, there are lots of photos of his husband, some are even from when he was healthy. Jayce can never truly forget him. However, there are some details he would do anything to see again, like how Viktor’s eyes shined when sunlight fell on his face. He wants to see the mole on the side of his lips again. It was his favorite little detail, and he made it known by kissing it every chance he got. He adores Viktor, even in death.

Jayce stands on the Academy Grounds. No one looks at him twice, everyone’s busy with their own thing. He feels a bit relieved. When he makes it to the meeting, most Councilors give him an apologetic smile. It is their way of giving condolences. Though, some frown at him, disapproving of his long absence. Jayce just focuses on Mel as he takes a seat. They talk about the usual things, new policy recommendations etc. Jayce starts to feel better, it’s like a weight has lifted off his shoulders. Councilor Salo gives him disapproving looks whenever he’s talking, but that’s it. Afterwards, they walk to the lab with Mel. She offers to help him gather materials. Jayce invites her over to dinner as a thank you. He feels so much lighter tonight. For the first time, it feels like he can get through this, heal. He does the dishes after Mel gets going, decides to finally wash the cup that’s been sitting on the counter for months now. It has a dried up film of sweetmilk on the inside. Jayce washes it carefully and puts it in the cabinet. Maybe, he can do this. He just needs to take it slow.

Jayce enters the cemetery with a bouquet of violets in his hand, heads to the House Talis memorial. He spent time getting ready today, styled his hair, put on a clean suit. After all, it is their first wedding anniversary. He replaces the dry flowers with the fresh ones near the grave. Putting his hand on the stone, he kneels on the ground. It’s a sunny day and he can hear the birds chirping somewhere. Turning the wedding ring on his finger, he starts talking

“Hi, love. I hope you haven’t grown tired of me yet, I know I’ve been visiting a lot lately.”

The stone feels warmer with the approaching summer. “Today is our first anniversary. I wanted to wear something nice.” He doesn’t say that almost half of the first year of their marriage went by without Viktor.

“I made significant progress on the glove project. I also returned to the Council. You would hate being a politician. It’s all so mundane, the same things over and over again.”

A beat. “I miss you a lot. I wish we could’ve celebrated today together, but I know you can’t come back. Cait’s hosting a dinner in our honor. They help a lot.”

Jayce takes a deep breath. His eyes feel wet. He must’ve started crying at some point. His shirt feels damp with the humidity. Suddenly, it’s all uncomfortable. The last few days felt like progress. He doesn’t cry as much as before. He’s ready to heal, not really for himself, but for Viktor. Daily functions seem easier to accomplish now. He no longer needs to force himself to take a shower, he even ran a bath for himself yesterday. There are some days where it’s not necessarily a good one, but it's better than the ones he has been having for months. Today is not one of them though. Today, the void in his chest swallows him. He never thought his first marriage anniversary would be this painful. Spreading his palm on the damp soil one last time, Jayce gets up to leave.

“Happy Anniversary, dear.”

He enters Cait and Vi’s house with a bottle of champagne in hand. He’s still wearing the suit from the graveyard. Cait’s in a navy blue dress with tulles on the sleeves. Vi looks a lot more casual.

“See, I told you it was a formal dinner.” scolds Caitlyn.

Vi raises her arms in defense “I thought it was gonna be a cozy dinner with friends. You look gorgeous enough for both of us anyways.” she teases, pressing a kiss on her cheek.

Jayce envies them. They look so happy together. Obviously, he is happy for them. He just wishes that his husband was here.

Mel arrives in a few minutes. She has brought Noxian coffee, offers to brew it after dinner. She is wearing a backless black dress. The cloth looks elegant next to her golden tattoos. They sit down to eat. Everyone talks about what they’ve been doing lately. It’s all very casual. Jayce can pretend that Viktor just couldn’t come to the dinner, like he’s just resting at home. All his delusion crumbles when Caitlyn asks if he can tell them a memory of his with Vik.

“You don’t have to, Jayce. I just thought that it would be a great way to honor him.”

Vi cuts in “You never told us how you two met.”

So Jayce starts to talk about it. It’s feels like a painful lump in his throat to do so, but he talks through it. He can’t seem to stop. He tells them everything, his wedding proposal, the night they became a couple, Viktor’s last birthday. He even reveals small details like his favorite beauty mark above his husband’s upper lip. His friends listen intently. Mel looks at him with a soft look in her eyes. Jayce can’t feel any pity in their gaze, just affection. Mel raises her glass to toast.

“For Viktor. His memory will live on.”

Jayce raises his glass with a warmth in his chest. His love for his husband overcomes his grief. For the first time in months, he can only feel affection at the thought of Viktor. Jayce is aware that this won’t last long, but progress is still progress. Cait says they have a surprise for him. Vi goes up to get it, while she closes Jayce’s eyes with her hands. He opens his eyes to white cake on the table. “Happy 1st Anniversary!” is written on it. Underneath the writing is the sloppily drawn logo of Hextech, the company they created with Viktor. It still exists now, but Jayce doesn’t really keep up with it anymore. They have a CEO for a reason. Jayce feels tears prickling his eyes, this time out of gratitude though.

Vi presents the cake “We baked it yesterday. It’s sweetmilk flavored. It’s Viktor’s favorite right? Cait remembered you told us that on Vik’s birthday. We thought it would be fitting.”

Jayce is too overwhelmed to say anything. Though he manages to get out a breathy “Thank you, guys”. He hasn’t felt this cozy since the funeral. Vi plates the slices, while Mel takes up on her offer of making Noxian coffee. Jayce just sits there with Cait rubbing his back as he keeps crying quietly. It’s not a sad one though, he just feels too much. After a while, they’re sipping the rich coffee, empty plates scattered on the table. Cait offers for them to sleep over. Mel declines, saying she has a meeting with her mother in the morning, the Noxian Leader. However, Jayce agrees to stay as he doesn’t have much to do these days. Cait gives him a blanket and a pillow to sleep on the sofa. Then they go to bed. Jayce sleeps without interruptions for the first time.

He wakes to the smell of coffee in the morning. Sunshine seeps through the curtains. His shirt feels damp from sleeping in it. He wakes up feeling peaceful. That’s rare these days. Vi gestures for him to come have breakfast. They made omelets. They eat in silence, then Jayce leaves for home. The weight of his grief comes back once he gets in the apartment. It’s frustrating. How can he enjoy a night with friends, drinking and laughing when Viktor’s six feet under? How dare he enjoy himself? How dare he enjoy anything? Deep down, he knows that his husband would want him to enjoy life, but guilt eats away at him. Angry tears leak from his eyes, as he sits down on the couch, head in his hands. He lets out a few desperate breaths. His head aches with the remnants of a hangover. Tiredness seeps into his bones. He decides to go to bed. The cool sheets are welcome on his hot skin. He falls asleep clinging to his husband’s pillow.

Chapter 6

Notes:

I wrote this in the midst of midterms, so there may be mistakes.

It’s been over a year. Everything has fallen into routine again. Jayce is working on the unfinished glove project on Viktor’s desk by the windows. The sunset casts a soft hue on the walls. He has been sitting on his stool for hours now. It has been like this for a few months now. He works tirelessly to finish his husband’s project. The people of Zaun would benefit from it, and that’s a perfect legacy for Viktor. It also distracts Jayce from the absence he’s grown familiar to. He thought about resigning from the Council to focus on the project, but Mel convinced him to stay. She told him about a political goal of merging Piltover with the Undercity. There has been internal chaos in Zaun since Silco’s death. However, this loosened the tensions with Piltover. The Council used this opportunity to intervene in their affairs, suggesting to choose a new leader for them. Jayce knows that the Council would rather use this privilege to control Zaun further, but Mel came up with an additional recommendation: To give a seat in the Council to the new Zaun leader. Saying that the Council was opposed to this idea would be putting it lightly. Still, Mel thinks it can be done. They just have to find someone both Zaun and Piltover can accept. Jayce’s vote in the Council is her biggest support right now, so he cannot resign. Also, they are closer to such a goal than they’ve ever been. Jayce needs to do it for the people of Zaun, for Viktor. Maybe, that would give him some closure.

Months pass, and Jayce keeps overworking himself. He rarely leaves the desk by the window. Mel sometimes brings him food with a side of news from the Council. She tells him about the progress they’ve made. Jayce focuses on the gloves, doesn’t go to the Council except Mel explicitly invites him. Cait and Vi keep inviting them to dinners, but Jayce declines. They sometimes visit, but it’s rare these days. Everyone’s busy, including Jayce. He only leaves the house to visit the grave. He replaces last week’s dry flowers with fresh ones every Saturday. It doesn’t make him cry anymore. If anything, he feels numb. Jayce realizes that this is caused by the amount of work he’s doing. It will all come back once he’s finished, but he’s not ready for that yet. It’s a welcome break after months of misery. So he keeps working.

One Tuesday, Mel brings him great news: she found someone to help with Zaun. It turns out to be Vi’s sister, Jinx. They’ve grown closer in the past year, and Vi even introduced he to Jayce one time. She was intrigued by his glove project. She managed to get into the Academy, so it’s obvious that she’s some kind of a genius too. Jayce wanted to offer her to help on the project, but he feels too tired to make a new friend now. He’s not ready to work with someone again, it would feel like replacing his old partner. Jayce doesn’t know much about Jinx, except that Vi and Cait seem to like her. Mel says that Zaun respects her. That could work, but she’s also terrorized Piltover long ago. The Council would not trust her. Still, Zaun would likely accept a new leader if Jinx supports them. Mel says that she hasn’t told Jinx about their plans. She invites Jayce to help convince her, but Jayce is busy. He has to finish the project. He doesn’t want to do anything else. Deep down, he fears that if he abandons the project for even a second, focuses on something else, his pretending that he’s alright would crumble. It’s one thing to sometimes join the Council meetings to raise his hand when Mel proposes an idea, and another one to actively focus on politics. He is getting tired of this. Once, he had an outburst at Mel for insisting for him to come to the Council. They made an agreement. After they get Zaun represented in the Council, Jayce is resigning.

He has a fury in him that he can’t explain these days. It feels like he’s stuck in life. Everyone is doing things to achieve a goal. They all have means to an end, but Jayce is stuck in the means. There is no end that he desires. What will happen when the project is finished? Viktor didn’t leave him an instruction manual on how to live. Of course, the gloves will honor his husband, but what about Jayce? He still won’t have Viktor, won’t have anything. Still, he made a promise to live, but that’s starting to feel empty now. Viktor’s been dead for over a year, and Jayce is still here, sitting on the desk with a pair of metal gloves in hand. It’s almost finished now. This only induces more anxiety. He can see the pavement on the ground from the windows near the desk. It calls to him sometimes, whispering for him to close the distance between them. It’s so far away under him. Surely, it would kill him to obey, but is that even relevant now? This loop of clinging to work desperately, only to feel numb in the end seems to be repeating. Yet, it’s his best option now. He sobbed into the mattress for months, knuckles gone white with how hard he was holding the duvet. He can’t go back to that. It was just another endless loop. Viktor did not tell him how to break the cycle. Can he even do that? It feels impossible now. A few feet under him, the pavement glistens as the sun goes down. He thinks back to his attempt years ago. He was standing in the rubble of his old flat, looking at the pavement under it. It was dark, the ground didn’t look as inviting as it did now. Viktor stopped him then. He cannot do so now. His thoughts are interrupted by the doorbell ringing. Mel bursts in with a smile on her face. She excitedly tells him about a potential leader for Zaun that Jinx recommended. Her name is Sevika and Jinx says that she is respected by the people of Undercity. They would surely accept her. Jayce listens to her in a daze as she tells him that they have to convince the Council. She excuses herself to the bathroom, and Jayce is left in the middle of his living room. He feels a small flicker of hope in his chest. They’ve got work to do.

After months of countless meeting with the Council, including Sevika, they manage to convince them to give a seat to her. Not all Council members approve of this, but majority vote in her favor. Zaun people threatening to riot if they refuse Sevika may have been helpful too. Now, Zaun has a voice in the Council. It’s not ideal as it is just one person, but they have to start somewhere. It feels almost too tempting for Jayce to stay and work to increase Zaun votes in the Council. Almost. He resigns a week after Sevika joins the Council. Caitlyn and Vi insist on hosting a dinner to celebrate his “retirement”. It goes well, feels better than all their hangouts since Viktor’s death. Jayce can laugh genuinely for the first time after many months. The tests for the finished glove project are coming up. It will succeed. Zaunite miners will be grateful, and Jayce will probably be miserable. There won’t be anything to do. Grief will swallow him again. He doesn’t know if it makes any difference, but at least he can foresee it now. Maybe he should tell this to his friends. They deserve to know if he lashes out at them, blinded by grief. Taking a deep breath, he opens his mouth.

“I have to say something.” His friends go quiet. The awkwardness seeps into the silence. “I think that I owe you guys an apology for the past months. I neglected you guys, and you’ve all been nothing but helpful to me. I’m sorry.”

Cait looks at him with soft eyes. “Jayce, it’s alright. It really wasn’t that bad. We know it’s been hard. You’ve got nothing to apologize for.”

“I know. I just wanted to talk about it. It’s been better for the last few months, the work helps a lot, but I think it’s going to get worse again.” He swallows dryly. “I don’t know what to do after the project is finished. The Council is not an option anymore, I don’t want that either.”

“What about a holiday? We could go to somewhere warmer, relax a few days.” Vi suggests.

It sounds tempting, a holiday could do Jayce good. However, he cannot leave Piltover. It’s silly, but he wants to be close to Viktor’s grave.

“Then we stay here. We can have dinners, sleepovers, like the ones we had years ago. Remember when I kept you company when my mom was working late? You would always work at your desk, and I would snore on the couch. That was a fun time. We can still do that.” Says Caitlyn.

Nostalgia hits Jayce. He thinks of a life so far away now, a life before he even met Viktor. It was good, he can’t deny that. Everything’s changed now. Cait has someone to share life with now. Jayce had that for years too, even before marrying Viktor. They spent every minute together. He misses that now. The simplicity of a domestic life lived many years ago. Making sweetmilk in the lab and giving it to a tired, but content Viktor. Arguing over the methods to solve an equation. He abandoned that life the minute he became a Councilor. It leaves a bitter taste in his mouth now. If he only knew.

“Runeterra to Jayce, are you with us?” asks Vi with a mocking glint in her eyes.

That makes him realize that he did not answer Cait. “I would like that very much.” He says with a soft voice. He feels grateful for such friends.

“Don’t worry, we’ll keep you busy.” teases Mel.

Vi suggests to open the Chardonnay since they’re celebrating. In the end, it’s not the only bottle opened that night.

It’s almost 3am and they’re all sprawled on the floor. Cait is snoring with her head on Vi’s stomach, and Vi seems like she’ll join her soon. Empty bottles surround them. Jayce has not been this drunk in years. Mel lies beside him, staring at the ceiling. Jayce studies her for a moment. The soft light seeping in from the kitchen brightens her face. Her usual Councilor makeup is wiped off now. She seems relaxed. Content. Jayce feels that too. So, he closes his eyes on the floor.

The sunlight falling on his face wakes him up. It must still be early. The city’s quiet outside. Everyone’s still sleeping. He turns to see Cait has snuggled up to Vi and they’re lying face to face, Vi’s arm hangs from her waist. Jayce turns to his other side to see that Mel is facing him. She looks younger in sleep. It makes her look a lot softer than the politician Jayce has known for years. For the first time, he feels some kind of longing for her. She looks lovely. Jayce never realized that, has never seen her that way. Guilt overcomes his newfound longing. It feels like betraying Viktor. Jayce cannot ponder his feelings for Mel, not when it fills him with dread. So he swallows it all down, and gets up to freshen up. Surely, it was a one time feeling. He doesn’t see Mel that way. They’ve been friends for years now. It would be unfair for her too.

After a month, The glove project has passed all the tests. It’s ready to give to the people. Jayce will introduce it to the miners today. He wanted to give it to them himself, that way he can explain that it’s actually Viktor’s project. It all passes in the blink of an eye. The miners seem grateful as he tells them about Viktor, everything he wanted to do for Zaun. They also thank him for helping them have a voice in the Council. Apparently, Zaun knows that Councilor Talis voted for an Undercity seat from the start. It makes him feel like he really achieved something. Maybe his political career wasn't all a failure.

In the afternoon, Jayce enters the cemetery with a flower bouquet in hand. He puts the fresh flowers in the vase and kneels next to it.

“The miners are very thankful to you. I finished the glove project.”

He doesn’t know what to say. It’s all done now. What will he do next? Can he really beg the gravestone to give him a new project or something?

“I don’t know what to do now. It didn’t matter when you were here. Nothing did.”

Jayce traces the engraved name on the stone. It doesn’t feel that overwhelming these days, but today is different. Today, he feels like he lost Viktor yesterday. All the healing feels empty now. It doesn’t feel like he moved a centimeter since the funeral.

“I miss you. I love you.”

He’s crying now. It’s been so long since he saw Viktor’s face. He needs to see him. Desperation crawls into his veins as he sobs next to the grave. His fingers grip the soil. It feels embarrassing a bit, it’s been 2 years now, but he’s still desperate.

“Come back. Please.”

He knows it won’t happen, but he can’t keep himself from asking. The cemetery is quiet except for the gentle breeze rustling the leaves of the willow tree. Jayce sits there as the tears keep falling down his face. He has to get up at some point, but he’s rooted there for now. The breeze ruffles his hair. He wants to believe that it's Viktor's hand, wants to believe there's an afterlife. However, he's never been a religious person.

Chapter 7

Notes:

Not Beta read.

Another chapter's done! Sorry for the wait, I still have midterms going on. Hope you guys like this chapter.

It’s been almost 7 years now. Jayce has been doing better. Most days are still hard, but he thinks he can go on. It’s getting clear that the hole in his chest won’t get smaller, but he’s grown used to its presence. Grief is like a constant companion, sometimes less visible, but always with him. Jayce accepts it now. The last 5 years have passed in a stable routine. Caitlyn and Vi keep hosting dinners, game nights almost every week. It’s like their hobby now. One day, they decided that hosting was a talent of theirs, and they’ve been trying to improve their gatherings via new activities, themes. The last one was a murder mystery with a side of marijuana. Jinx and Ekko, her boyfriend, started to join them too. Jayce looks forward to these hangouts. They also host a birthday party for Viktor every year. They make a toast in his honor and feast on the sweetmilk cake that has become a tradition now. Thinking about his late husband doesn’t bring such pain to Jayce anymore. Instead, it’s more bittersweet than anything. It fills him with affection too. The misery makes itself known frequently, but not as intense as before, at least not always. He doesn’t think of the unfairness of it all anymore. He is just grateful that they had time, that Viktor touched his life. He still visits the cemetery, but not as frequent as before. The violets in the vase next to the grave get replaced with fresh ones regularly. Jayce likes taking care of the grave, it feels calming now that he doesn’t get hit with intense sadness whenever he’s there.

Jayce wakes up in the bed with a sharp pain in his head. Mel came over for dinner last night. They drank more than the usual and now, he’s hangover. They haven’t been hanging out much as she has heavier Council duties now. Some members have changed, there is another Zaun seat now. Mel is the unofficial leader, like Heimerdinger once was. Both sides respect her as a politician. She’s been working overtime to actually improve Piltover and Zaun. Jayce has been busy too. He took up inventing after the Glove Project’s success. The goal is to help the people of Zaun. He likes inventing, a lot more than politics. It’s the thing he had always wanted to do. Jinx comes over sometimes to help. They get along quite well and Jayce can sense some similarity between her and Viktor. It’s a lovely coincidence. That is all he has been doing for the past few years.

Jayce gets up to wash his face. He fells sluggish still, he shouldn’t have taken that last shot of tequila. Dragging his limbs to the bathroom, he picks up his toothbrush from the plastic cup. There’s still two brushes in it, although one of them has been dry for a long time. Jayce still keeps Viktor’s things. It calms him, feels like a part of him still lives in the house. It makes their home look like a place outside the flow of time, like it’s been preserved since Viktor’s death. With this thought lingering in his head, Jayce goes to make tea. It would help with his hangover. After a few minutes, he’s sitting at the table with a cup of tea in front of him. The realization hits him: he made only one cup, without actively trying to stop himself from reaching for another cup. A surprising feeling bursts in his stomach, flowing into his limbs. It’s neither sadness nor happiness. He’s shocked to find that it is relief. His shock turns into numbness quickly. This is proof of healing. Even when it feels like there hasn’t been any improvement, he is subconsciously healing. Such revelation needs digesting. So he sits there, sipping his tea as he stares at the blank wall facing him.

 

*****

 

Days pass as Jayce works on Viktor’s old desk in their living room. Living alone is calming, but very isolating. His work being home-based only adds to that isolation. He craves a partner to share life with. Someone to come home to, to cook for, another breath to fill the room. A presence is what he needs. Being alone was fine when he was grieving constantly, it was even welcome. However, he misses having a flatmate. Viktor would be his first choice, but Jayce knows that is impossible. He needs another presence to just be there. This would not fill the space Viktor left in their home, would not make his absence feel less obvious. He doesn’t want such a thing, anyway. He cannot replace Viktor, that he knows after many years, but maybe there’s room for someone new in his life.

It would be a lie to say he did not envy Vi and Cait. They share a life together. Now that Jayce knows what that feels like, he cannot keep himself from craving it. That someone might have a name in his mind, but Jayce is too scared to say it out loud. He’s been feeling closer to Mel than ever, and it doesn’t feel the same type of relationship he has with Vi or Caitlyn. Mel also seems to treat him differently than before. Jayce wants to accept it, return it even to some extent. The only problem is that he doesn’t know if he can. Betrayal coils in his gut every time he thinks about Mel. Would Viktor approve of this? Probably. Can Jayce live with the guilt? He doesn’t know. It doesn’t make sense. Rationally, he knows that Viktor would want him to fall in love again. He made a promise to live rather than survive after all. Yet, guilt prevails. It claws at his throat, makes his eyes water. He’s not sure if he can even love Mel properly, in the way she deserves to be loved. He’s not sure if falling in love with her means that he has to leave his love for Viktor behind. It’s a cruel paradox he cannot get out of. So, he settles for subtle lingering touches on Mel’s shoulder, her back. The realization that this was the same thing he settled for years with Viktor, not knowing that Viktor loved him too, makes his stomach churn. He can’t quit doing it though.

Cait and Vi are hosting their annual New Year’s Eve dinner. It’s been the same thing for years now. Everyone brings a dish, they eat, then they get so drunk that everyone stays over. Sometimes Jinx and Ekko come too, but no one else is invited. It’s a cozy, small tradition. It’s one of the rare occasions Jayce drinks now. He’s nearing 40, he’s not the Golden Boy of Piltover anymore. He’s had his share of fancy parties anyway. Mel still goes to such events and complains about it a lot. She’s working so hard for both Piltover and Zaun. Jayce worries for her, he has never seen her work at such a pace before. It pays off quite well though, Zaun is no longer an oppressed state under Piltover; they’re on more equal grounds now. Piltover’s foreign relations has been stable too, the only exception being Noxus cutting all their ties, including the economic ones, with them. It didn’t make a huge difference though, trade has been significantly improving as the Hex Gates continue their work. Overall, Mel has done a great job.

Tonight, she seems lively and joyful as she sits next to Jayce. She’s wearing a burgundy sweater dress with black tights. The darker colours make her look more Noxian than a Piltie. It’s rare that she doesn’t wear Piltover’s colours. There’s the Zaunite chicken dish he brought at the centre of the table. It earned a lot of praise. He’s been learning new Zaun dishes lately, but this one is always a classic at the dinner table. Everyone talks about what they’ve been doing. It’s all so mundane, until Mel mentions the Council.

“There is talk of establishing another Zaun seat to the Council. That would be a huge milestone as Zaun would have almost half of the council.” She takes a sip from her wine. “It might finally make a difference.”
Vi smiles and raises her glass to a toast “To Zaun then”. They clink glasses.

Jayce feels this improvement in a personal way. Viktor always wanted rights for Zaunites. They’re closer than ever to equality between Piltover and Zaun. He makes a toast for Mel “None of this could be done without you. I’m sure Viktor would feel the same way too.”

Mel looks a bit sad at that. She probably emphasizes with Jayce’s constant thought about Viktor, but she raises her glass high “To Viktor. I hope he’s seeing this somewhere.”

Cait cuts in in a giddy manner “I think we should stop drinking if we want to stay up until midnight. That was the third toast in a row.” Everyone laughs as they start to tidy up the table.

After a while, Jayce is settled between Cait and Mel on the floor of their living room. There are no games to play tonight, everyone feels too tired for that. Puffing on the hot cup of coffee in his hands, he realizes that he’s subconsciously leaning against Mel’s arm. He decides against moving as Mel seems content with it too. Everyone seems to be gradually leaning against one another. No one talks, everyone’s just enjoying each other’s presence. It’s a dynamic so effortless and it makes Jayce feel thankful for such friends. The clock strikes midnight and no one moves from the cocoon they’ve made on the floor. Vi raises her coffee cup in a toast for the new year, and Cait giggles as she states that this was the fourth toast. They share a chaste kiss as Mel puts her arm around Jayce. He’s been leaning in so much that his head is practically on Mel’s shoulder now. Jayce closes his eyes and pictures Viktor’s face. Another year around the Sun without him. He wishes his husband was here. He makes a mental note to visit his grave tomorrow as he subconsciously circles the wedding ring on his finger.

After a while, Mel excuses herself to the bathroom. Cait nudges Jayce with a knowing look “What’s going on between you two? You’ve never been so physically affectionate with her before. Is there something you wanna tell us?”

Jayce swallows the knot in his throat. This is a topic he avoids to even think about “There’s nothing going on. We’ve just grown closer.”

Vi looks unconvinced “A lot closer I would say. If you don’t want to talk about it, sure, but it’s very obvious.”

Nervousness coils in his stomach. Maybe he should just tell them. They could help him sort out his feelings “I’ve been confused a lot lately. I think I like her, but I don’t know if I can give her what she deserves. I’m not sure if I can fall in love again after Vik. I still love him so much, there might not be room for someone else.”

Vi smiles at him softly “I think Vik would want you to take a chance at love. You deserve that, Jayce.”

Cait continues “Loving someone new does not mean that you have to stop loving Vik, though. You will always love him, can’t escape that, but I believe your heart’s big enough to fit another one there. If you like Mel, then you should tell her. We see how she looks at you, I’m sure she feels it too.”

This feels oddly planned “Have you guys been discussing my love life? What are we, kids?” he says with a scoff.

Cait looks at him with fake guilt “Well, it’s been quite obvious for some time, but tonight felt a lot more intense. We just wondered if there was anything going on.”

Vi looks like she won the lottery “and we were right. I realized it before Cait did, it took a lot of convincing actually. Though, Cait told me that Mel likes you too.”

Jayce snorts at that “Geez, I didn’t know it was that obvious.”

Cait makes a smug face “No it wasn’t, we just know you guys wholly. It’s been years, do you really think you can hide something from us?”

They laugh at that and Jayce feels like a weight has lifted off his chest. It’s irrational, but the approval of his friends relieves him “Thank you, guys. I needed to talk about this.”

Vi swats him on the back saying “Glad to help, dude. Tell us if you decide to confess, we need all the tea.”

They laugh a bit more as Mel steps in the living room. She seems tired. That is their que to go to sleep. After a few minutes, Jayce is lying on the couch, staring at the dark ceiling. The questions spinning in his mind lull him to sleep.

 

*****

 

Jayce visits the grave in the morning. There are dry violets in the vase. He replaces them with fresh ones. He pets the soil with his hand, feeling it leak through his fingers with the pressure. A cold breeze makes him shiver. It’s the first day of his 8th year without Viktor. He wonders what Viktor looks like now, six feet underground. He must’ve become part of the earth, mixing with the soil. Jayce thinks about planting flowers on the grave, letting Viktor fertilize them so a part of him can be alive again. Maybe he’s alive somewhere, who knows? Jayce has been wondering this since the funeral. It will remain unknown till he dies himself. He wants to be buried here, his soil would mix with his husbands’. Maybe they can be close again, for eternity. A part of him wants to die just so he can know if he will see Viktor again. It’s not exactly being suicidal, he doesn’t see that as an option anymore. This makes him realize that for the first time in almost a decade, he wants to live. Not for Viktor only, but for himself too. He wants a life, a partner, a routine that he will like. He will confess to Mel, even if he cannot guarantee a perfect relationship. He has to try, wants to try. Mel has been there for him since the beginning of his political career. She knows Jayce like the back of her hand. He won’t keep his worries from her, that he fears he cannot love someone ever again, not even her, or that he’s afraid that he needs to abandon his love for Viktor to able to love her truly. Maybe she will understand. It’s not a love confession, but an approval that he wants to try it. Proudness tingles in his chest, he will keep his promise to Viktor. He will live, not just survive.

Chapter 8

Notes:

not beta read.
Another chapter! Hope you guys like it.

Jayce stands in his kitchen on a Friday night. There’s a fresh bouquet of flowers on the table next to a bottle of fine Noxian wine. Mel’s coming over for dinner. They have these kinds of dinners frequently. This one’s different though, Jayce will confess tonight. Everything is ready, except the roasted chicken in the oven. He’s sweating from anxiety. Is he really ready for a new relationship? Would Mel accept his worries, assuming that she would agree on a relationship? It eats away at him, wanting something without knowing if he can commit to it. The feeling of betraying his husband is still there, but Jayce knows it’s irrational. He would want Jayce to go on. The oven beeps announcing the chicken is roasted now. He places it on the centre of the table, debating whether to light a few candles to create a cozy ambiance. He decides against it, better not overdo it. He’s wearing a dark green shirt with black pants. Cait said the green makes his eyes pop. She also stopped him from shaving his beard, saying it compliments his mature face now that he looks older. Jayce doesn’t know if that was a compliment or an insult, but he did as told.

After a few minutes, Mel is sitting at the table in a black and gold dress that clings to her frame. She must’ve came straight from the Council as she doesn’t wear gold outside of work. Jayce listens intently as she tells him about the new developments. He keeps fidgeting in his seat. His anxiety is worsening the longer he tries to ignore it. Best to get it over with now.

“Mel I have something to tell you.” He cuts in, talking a bit too quickly.

Mel looks concerned “Sure, Jayce. What do you want to say?”

He chooses his words carefully “You’ve always been there for me, especially after Vik’s death. I know it was hard, I was a mess. It made me realize your importance in my life more clearly. Mel,” he takes a deep breath “I want to be more than friends, if that’s something you want too.”

Mel just looks at him startled, her eyes widening as Jayce continues his words. She seems frozen in place after he’s finished. A beat, then she starts talking “Jayce, I… I don’t know what to say. I’ve wanted this for so long actually. I felt guilty for it after Viktor’s death, I wasn’t sure if you wanted this too.”

Jayce looks at her with hopeful eyes “Is that a yes then?”

“Of course it’s a yes. Are you sure though? I know you still love him so deeply.”

This is the part he was reluctant to talk about, but he knows he has to “I’m still having trouble with it. Honestly, it fills me with dread, the thought of betraying Viktor” he stops, gathering his thoughts for a moment “but I want to try this. I cannot promise you a perfect relationship, I may struggle with my own feelings. Still, it’s a risk worth taking. I believe we deserve a chance, if you’re willing to take a leap of faith with me.”

Mel smiles as she lightly caresses Jayce’s cheek “It wouldn’t hurt to try.”

Jayce lets out a soft snort. He freezes for a second as she leans in to kiss him. He melts into it, animalistic hunger climbing up his throat. It’s not arousal, but something deeper. God, it’s been so long since he had this, someone to lean on. His hands cup her cheeks, holding it delicately like something precious as he deepens the kiss. Mel breaks into a small smile, and they just breathe together.

Jayce straightens as he holds out his hand “Can I take you to bed?”

Mel nods softly as she takes his hand. Jayce leads her to his bedroom, stopping near the bed to ask what she wants to do. Mel beats him to it as she pushes him on the bed. Jayce falls down with a yelp. Mel’s face is full of affection as she stands in front of him. They gaze at each other and Jayce realizes how different she is from Viktor. The afternoon sunlight illuminates her from behind, making her seem ethereal. Her golden tattoos shine in the light. The curve of her waist dips at her hips. She looks warm and healthy, the opposite of Viktor. She sits on the bed, still facing Jayce, she drags her hand up his arm till it stops on his shoulder. Jayce opens his arms as an invitation, and Mel smiles as she settles on his lap. Jayce cannot feel the familiar sense of bones digging into his body, instead Mel is all soft in his arms, a contrast to his husband. The realization fills him with dread, but he keeps going.

Mel tugs at his shirt, so Jayce takes it off quickly. His fingers find the zipper of her dress and it slides off of her frame easily She manages to get it off completely as Jayce struggles with the button of his pants. Soon, they lay on the bed as both take in the other’s body. Jayce’s eyes follow the movement as Mel takes his hand and puts it on her breast. He looks up to see her soft gaze. It’s calming, there’s no rush. Jayce feels serene. It reminds him of the time he and Viktor had sex when his illness had gotten worse. It hurt him to move too much, so their love making was always slow and unhurried. His approaching death hung on the air heavily, and no matter how hard he tried, Jayce couldn’t ignore it. It was a different kind of desperate than the one he feels now. Jayce feels overwhelmed with it. He climbs on top of Mel and starts to leave open-mouthed kisses on her body. It distracts him from his grief. He stops as he reaches her underwear.

Looking up at her “May I take it off?”

Mel seems to find it amusing. The question seems a bit ridiculous. After all, they’re here to have sex “You may.” she says with a cynical tone.

Jayce takes it off slowly as he takes in her crotch. It’s different than what he’s used to, the female anatomy. He didn’t have sex with anyone after his husband’s death, he couldn’t. Of course, he had been aroused in the last 7 years, but he didn’t need a partner to relieve it. It wasn’t so hard, he had a lot on his plate after all. The last memories of his sex life are of Viktor. The sight he’s met with is so different than the puckered hole he’s familiar with. Nevertheless, Jayce leans in to get a taste. Mel makes an encouraging sound and Jayce starts to eat her out sloppily. Her breathes quicken as Jayce continues, basking in her warmth. He gets one finger in and starts pumping in and out. Mel’s fingers tighten in his hair and he adds another one in. He starts scissoring, his mouth continuing all the while.

After a few minutes, Mel pulls him up. Her fingers pull down his boxers, the front damp from precum. She crashes their lips together in a passionate kiss. Her mouth moves to Jayce’s collarbones as her hand cups his length. She starts to move her hand up and down quickly, and Jayce feels hot all over. It’s been years since another hand touched him. It’ll be over too soon if this continues any longer. No one wants that. Jayce takes her hand and kisses it. He lines up, and looks at Mel askingly. She nods and Jayce slowly pushes in, feeling her walls wrap around him. It feels quite similar. In fact, Jayce can almost pretend he’s fucking Viktor if he closes his eyes. He feels ashamed at the thought, but he can’t help it. With quick small thrusts, Mel seems to come undone. Jayce feels like he’s going to burst at any moment, but it would be too soon.

Mel’s moans encourage him to thrust deeper, harder. His body takes what it needs, yet his mind betrays it. The thought of cheating on Viktor, moving on in such a way settles in his gut. Panic starts to rise in his throat, but Jayce swallows it down with even harder thrusts. He feels his muscles tense. The heat, scent of sex in the air overwhelms him. His eyes are tightly shut, hands gripping Mel’s waist so hard that he’s sure there’ll be bruises in the morning. Mel seems to be enjoying herself, completely oblivious to his internal agony. Her grip on his shoulders tightening with every thrust. Jayce is torn in two, mind and body disagreeing violently. Deep down, he knows his guilt is irrational. However, this knowledge doesn’t help ease it. His eyes feel damp, and he realizes he’s going to cry. Shame hits him. Here he is with the woman he likes, thinking about his late husband as he thrusts into her. Mel doesn’t deserve this, and neither does Viktor.

It's all too much. Suddenly, he feels Mel come with a loud whimper. It pushes Jayce over the edge, and he spills inside of her. He should’ve pulled out, should’ve warned her, but it’s too late now. He collapses on her, face buried in her neck. Now that his body’s needs are satisfied, the urge to cry becomes stronger. He exhales loudly into Mel’s neck. She wraps her arms around him, feeling him tense.

“Are you okay?” she asks as she pets his head. Concern drips from her voice.

Jayce feels bad for ruining such a perfect moment. This is supposed to be their first night together “Yeah, I’m fine.” he exhales shakily.

“Sure”. She sounds unconvinced “Do you want to talk about it?”

Her question is met with silence as Jayce seems to be holding his breath.

“Is it about Viktor?” she asks, trying to sound as soft as possible.

Jayce takes a deep breath “Yes” he says, voice small and quiet. Mel doesn’t say anything, waiting for him to continue. Jayce knows that he has to communicate for this to work. “I felt guilty, like I was betraying him.” He lies down on the bed, facing her. His throat feels dry as he continues “I like you Mel, I really do, but I’m not sure if I can fully commit to this, to us. Everything reminds me of him. I can’t help it. He’s a constant thought in my mind. Sometimes I can ignore it, but when it’s like this” he gestures to the closeness of their bodies “it becomes a lot harder.”

Mel takes his hand, giving it a squeeze “It’s okay. I mean, it’s only normal. The real question is if you want to try this with me, because I do.”

Jayce looks at her helplessly “I do, God, I do. I just- I may not be able to give you what you deserve, at least not for a while it seems. I will always love him, he will always come first. I cannot change this, and I don’t think I want to either, but I also can’t ask you to accept this. You deserve better, Mel.” He concludes, averting his eyes from her gaze.

Mel scoots closer. She puts her hand to Jayce’s shoulder, trying to seem understanding “I know that, Jayce. I know how you love him still. I know I cannot compete, and I do not want to. You have a big heart, enough to fit both of us in there even if it would be unequal. You’re a good man, Jayce. Anyone would be lucky to be in your affections, and I know you care for me. I don’t doubt that. It doesn’t make me insecure. I admire the love between you and Viktor, but that’s all my feelings towards it. It’s something separate than your care for me.” She chooses the word “care” carefully, not to trigger Jayce. “If you want to try, I’m more than willing to. I know what I got myself into. So please, take a leap of faith with me.”

Jayce’s eyes feel wet, but for a different reason now. He doesn’t deserve this blind faith in him. However, he cannot deny that he wants this, wants her in every way. Overwhelmed by her words, he nods sheepishly. Immediately, Mel’s hand cup his cheeks and she leans forward to press a soft kiss on his forehead. Jayce wraps his arms around her. He presses their bodies as closer as he can. All this pouring his heart out took its toll on him. He can feel himself slipping into sleep. His mind is blank for the first time in days.

 

*****

 

Jayce wakes up alone in bed. There’s the sound of running water coming from the bathroom. Mel must be taking a shower. Jayce thinks he needs one too. He should probably start preparing breakfast, but even raising his arm hurts. He must be sore from all the tensing he did the night before. Mel appears in the hallway. She has a towel wrapped around her body, hair in an updo. Jayce holds her by the waist as he kisses her sweetly.

“Figured you’d be up. The water’s still running if you need it.” She smiles up at him with a new brightness in her eyes.

Jayce makes his way to the shower. The warm water works wonders on his sore body. It’s soothing after the intense night they had. His mind slips to his late husband. Jayce wishes he could hold him now, under the hot steam. Memories of him washing Viktor’s hair come to mind. He closes his eyes to picture it. It fills him with affection, mouth curving into a small smile as he pictures Vik with wet hair. His guilt still lingers, but Mel’s acknowledgment of it relieves him a bit. Maybe they can do this.

After almost half an hour, Jayce stands in the kitchen, making tea. Mel prepared some toast with scrambled eggs. She also put on some music. She bought a record player for Jayce a few years ago after he complained how silent his house was. Jayce had meant the absence of Viktor, but a record player helped too. Mel’s body sways slowly with the music as she plates their breakfast. It’s a happy, relaxing beat. Jayce feels like he’s living in the moment for the first time in years. He pours two cups of tea and gives one to Mel. His eyes catch on Viktor’s framed photo on the fridge, and he smiles to himself.

Notes:

Can't believe I wrote hetero sex. I'll have to compensate for this by writing a new fic with lots of say gex.

Chapter 9

Notes:

Another chapter's done! Sorry for the delay, I had lots of midterms. My finals are coming up, so the next chapter may takes some time too. Hope you Enjoy

Not beta read.

It’s been almost a year. Jayce’s previous fears seem ridiculous now. Mel’s been so understanding that Jayce questions if he deserves it. The guilt of loving someone new has mostly faded, though it still makes itself known at certain times. Especially on nights like this, when he’s snuggled up with Mel. She’s fast asleep. The Council’s work has been tiring as her work hours have increased in the last few months. She doesn’t have to push herself so hard, most councilors don’t, but Mel insists on helping Zaun gain political influence. Half of the seats represent Zaun now. Jayce never thought he would see the day. Mel works as a mediator between the sides. Her proposal of a new constitution finally passed. They’re trying to create a new order that favors both sides. Who knows, it might even be fair this time.

 

Jayce checks the digital clock on the nightstand. It’s almost 3AM. He’s been staring at the darkness for an hour now. His mind seems to slip to his late husband whenever he’s alone. It still hurts, sometimes more than the normal. it’s a manageable pain, a necessary evil if you will. Happiness doesn’t sound so foreign to his ears now. He can feel it, genuinely feel it. The woman in his arms is the source of it. Jayce didn’t know if he could really love again, but it seems that she was right, his heart can fit both Viktor and Mel. A small smile forms on his face. He quietly reaches under the mattress and pulls out a small box. The ring in it reflects the moonlight seeping in through the window. He made the right decision. Hopefully, he’ll be an engaged man soon.

 

******

 

 

2 months ago

 

Jayce is working at Viktor’s desk when Vi’s name flashes on his phone screen. Vi never calls him, it’s always Caitlyn. Weird. He picks up the phone. Vi sounds a bit strange and she’s whispering. Jayce gets nervous.

 

“Hey, are you alright? Did something happen?” What if something happened to Cait? Did she get sick? Is Vi going to share the same fate with Jayce, a lover left behind?

 

His worries must’ve shown in his voice as Vi replies with a confused tone “What? No! I just need your advice on something.” She sounds a bit reluctant.

 

“Alright, tell me about it.”

 

“I think I’m gonna propose.” She says it slowly, like she’s not sure if she should say it at all.

 

“That’s brilliant Vi! Are you sure though? you sound hesitant.”

 

“Yes, I’m sure I want to marry Cait. It’s just…” she doesn’t continue.

 

“What is it? Are you nervous that Cait might be thinking otherwise or something? Cause I assure you, I thought she would propose first.”

 

“Yeah, it’s not that. We actually talked about this a few months before. I think she would agree to it.” She sounds like she’s struggling to continue “I just-I need your advice ‘cause you know about these things. If you don’t want to help me, I understand. I don’t want to make you uncomfortable.”

 

Jayce doesn’t know what she’s talking about “Why would I be uncomfortable? I want to help you guys.”

 

Vi pauses before answering “It’s just- your marriage, and how it ended” a beat “I know it’s still hard for you. I just thought this might hit too close to home. Sorry if that’s silly.”

 

Jayce doesn’t know what to say. They’re not as close as him and Cait. They still care for each other, obviously, but he never thought Vi would be this caring, understanding. He can see what Cait finds in her “Vi, that’s very thoughtful of you. Thank you, but I want to help. Cait’s like my little sister. I want what’s best for her, and you. Of course, I will help.”

 

Vi sighs in relief “Oh, thank God. I really need your help dude.”

 

Jayce lets out an amused huff “Alright, shoot.”

 

“I bought a ring, I’m all ready. I just don’t know how to do it. Do I do it at home or somewhere else? Maybe somewhere fancy? I could take her on a holiday, but I want to do it here, in Piltover. Man, I don’t know.”

 

Jayce thinks for a second “Well, I did it very randomly. I just asked Viktor if he wants to get married while we were lying in bed. It felt right at the moment, I wouldn’t have it any other way.” He gathers his thoughts “I think doing it spontaneously would be great. You know, Cait would appreciate it. Just do it when you feel like it’s the right moment.”

 

“That actually would be nice, and Cait would really like that. Thank you, Jayce. You’ll be the first person I’ll tell after I do it.”

 

“I’m counting on it. Hope it all goes well, Vi”

 

They hang up. Jayce feels a warmth burst in his chest. His little sister’s growing up.

 

 

*****

 

 

Jayce fixes his tie in the bedroom mirror. Mel’s trying to figure out which heels to wear. They’re getting ready for the frequent gathering at Cait and Vi’s house. Cait actually requested a formal dress code. Mel has managed to her hands on a few bottles of Noxian wine. She had to get them shipped illegally since Noxus and Piltover are not allies anymore. In fact, Noxus cut all their ties with Piltover long ago. It’s almost surprising that they hadn’t declared war on Piltover. Mel says that it has to do with her mother. Ambessa Medarda seems to be ignoring Piltover’s existence as a state completely. It seems a bit childish to Jayce, but he doesn’t really know what happened between them. Anyways, it’s good wine.

 

They arrive at their friend’s house. Cait opens the door with a big smile. She hugs them both a bit tighter than the usual. Jayce can almost see the energy radiating off of her, she seems giddy with it.

 

“You drunk already?” he asks in an amused tone.

 

“Oh, I wouldn’t dare. Not yet.” She says. She looks like a mischievous child.

 

Jayce gets swept away by Jinx before he can ask what “yet” means. She starts to tell him about a new invention they’re working on with Ekko. They’re working for the Academy, just like Jayce and Viktor did years ago. The Academy’s science department is in good hands. Her excitement manages to make Jayce forget about anything else around them. This goes on until they hear Cait calling them over to dinner.

 

Soon, the wine flows as the conversation grows. Jayce feels young again, like he did before all this. They even play truth or drink as Jinx keeps pouring more wine into everyone’s glasses. Jayce has missed being childish. Their drunkenness tears down any boundaries that still existed between anyone. Jinx asks Jayce who was on top, Viktor or him when it’s her turn. Jayce actually bursts out laughing at the directness of such a question. He drinks, answering “What happens in bed, stays in bed”. Jinx boos him, but accepts it. She pours wine into a new glass and makes a toast to Viktor. She looks at the ceiling and says that they miss him, that she would have liked to meet him one day. Jayce would be moved if he wasn’t so drunk, but he cannot keep himself from snorting at how Jinx seems to be seeing his husband on the ceiling.

 

“Jinx, I don’t think Vik is on the ceiling.”

 

She turns at him with fake anger “Well, I was just being spiritual” her eyes slide to the ceiling again “Viktor, your husband is an ass.”

 

Jinx gets up to move to the other end of the table. She puts the new glass of wine in front of an empty chair “There, he can join us now.” She gets back to her seat, and raises her glass “Hope you like Noxian wine.”

 

The ridiculousness of the situation makes everyone laugh. Jayce can’t stop his giggling as he downs the remaining wine in his glass. Cait suggests to put on music. Jinx volunteers as the mighty song controller. Soon, club beats fill the room. Vi moves the coffee table so they can dance freely. Everyone’s so drunk that they just keep giggling as they all move in a way that can hardly be called “dancing”. Jayce grabs Mel’s hand and spins her. She’s smiling so big. Jayce can think of nothing but kissing her. So, he crashes their lips together. He can taste the alcohol in her breath. Her hands settle on Jayce’s waist as she deepens the kiss. He smiles into the kiss. They barely realize when the music gets cut off abruptly.

 

Jayce turns to see Jinx looking at Cait and Vi in shock, mouth agape. Vi is kneeling in front of Cait, a silver ring with blue sapphire shines in the box in her hand. Cait looks shocked too. In fact, she seems frozen in place. They all hold their breath, waiting for her answer.

 

Her face flashes in annoyance for a second before she states “I was going to do that first!  We even chose a specific song with Jinx.” She pulls out a small box from pocket and reveals a black wedding band with small rubies on it. “You ruined my plan.”

 

Vi looks up at her with wide eyes “Is that a yes?”

 

Cait pulls her on her feet and kisses her sweetly “Of course it’s a yes.”

 

Vi grabs her waist and spins her in the air before putting the ring on her finger. Everyone cheers. Jinx starts playing the song they chose with Cait. It’s a slow one. She runs into Ekko’s open arms and they start to dance together. The newly engaged couple seem to be doing the same. So, he grabs Mel by the waist and holds her close as they start to sway together. She puts her head on his shoulder, slightly leaning on him. In that moment, Jayce realizes that he wants to marry Mel. Guilt claws at him, but he pushes it down. They deserve this, he deserves this. Vik would be happy for him. He hopes that his husband’s happy somewhere too. Maybe he’s reincarnated as someone new. He would be a teen now. He might be studying for his exams now, or on a date. Maybe he doesn’t remember him. Maybe he does, and maybe he’s still Viktor, living in a kind of afterlife. Maybe he’s waiting for Jayce. Maybe they’ll meet again. He hopes so. Either way, it’s okay. Love seems to prevail in all circumstances, even in death.

 

 

*****

 

 

Jayce decides on a gold ring with a diamond shaped emerald on it. He keeps it in his pocket for some time, but when Mel decides to take him to bed suddenly, he panics. He manages to hide it under the mattress while Mel takes off her clothes. It stays there since. Jayce is waiting for the right moment to come. There’s no rush, they’ve both been busy. However, Mel is busier than ever and her work hours only seem to lengthen. She is too tired to come all the way to Jayce’s flat every day. So, Jayce proposes to temporarily move in her house on the academy grounds. He only takes his tools and a few clothes with him. He also grabs the ring from under the mattress. You never know when the “right” time might come.

She has a bigger and a more sophisticated kitchen than Jayce. He takes this as a chance to practice his cooking. He’s still learning new Zaunite dishes. He stops working on new projects for now. The change of scene feels like a holiday. He cooks and reads in the day, and spends the nights with the woman he loves. It’s all very domestic.

 

One day, Mel calls him to say that she’ll be late, that there’s an emergency Council meeting about a trade agreement with Ionia. Jayce offers to bring her dinner to her study at the Academy. This is the first time he’s seen her new office, it’s quite spacious. They eat and she bids him goodbye as she goes to the meeting. Jayce says that he will wait for her in the study. He inspects the documents on her desk. There’s a lot of them, no wonder she’s been busy. Jayce moves to the small cabinet behind the desk. There are countless files in it. It bores him to even just look at them, reminding him why he left politics. However, his eye catches a file that has “NOXUS” written on it. Jayce picks it up and drags his fingers on the dark red cover. He’s curious about Noxus’ resentment towards Piltover. He skims over some of the files. The latest ones is from years ago. They all state that Noxus has stopped their alliance with Piltover in different fields. A formal looking letter falls out. It has the Noxian seal on it and it’s from years ago, the year Jayce became a Councilor. It addresses Mel directly. It must be from Ambessa Medarda, her mother. It reads:

 

 

Your excellency,

 

I have received your letter on the new developments on Hextech. I congratulate you on your investment, Jayce Talis. You are a true politician. However, I also received your letter on your distress regarding the co-creator of Hextech. I am glad that you are willing to eliminate him. Noxus will help you achieve this. Your country is in danger, and in need of a miracle. Hextech must be weaponized.

 

Regards,

Noxus

 

 

Jayce’s throat goes dry. He knew that Mel manipulated him in their first years of “friendship”, if you can even call it that. Those manipulations were small, innocent ones and Jayce has forgiven them decades ago. This one is different though, it tastes like betrayal on his tongue. He furiously flips through the documents, trying to find one from that year. He finds one that’s written a month later than the letter. It has the Noxian seal on it too. Apparently, it’s a set of plans on how to get rid of Viktor. Some of them are about expelling him from the Academy, and some go as far as to send him on exile from Piltover. Jayce cannot fathom the cruelty on the paper in his hands. They knew what Viktor meant to Jayce, even before they were romantically involved. Moreover, they know how sick he was. He wouldn’t survive in exile. His late husband had been one of the few people that improved Piltover altogether, just for them to get rid of him easily, and for what? Just to make a weapon? Because he was too clever to be easily manipulated? An opposite of Jayce. He was so much better than him, at everything. Still, he was the one people looked down on.

 

All the affection he has felt for the past years rots in his gut. Jayce drops the files on the desk, slams the door on his way out. He’s going home.

 

Chapter 10

Notes:

Helloo! Sorry for the delay, I was very busy. This is the last chapter. Hope you enjoy.

Not beta read.

Jayce sits on his late husband’s desk by the window. It’s getting colder now. He watches the wind rustle the brown leaves on the ground. It twirls and spins them, almost like a waltz. He has a book in his hand, one he found in Viktor’s bookshelf in their lab years ago. There are handwritten notes on almost every page. Jayce has read it countless times now. Its presence keeps him grounded, reminds him of the promise he made years ago. He needed reminding 3 nights ago. Desperation was what he felt when he reached for the book then. After Mel’s betrayal, life seemed to dull around the edges, all the new-found vibrance draining at once. Jayce knows the feeling all too well. He had been living it for years until one day, his field of vision gained a bit of colour. It kept spreading and growing since then. Mel’s company had also helped. Ironic that it was also the thing that destroyed him again. So he clung to the book that night.

 

He hasn’t heard from Mel since that night. Jayce couldn’t find it in himself to reach out, and Mel didn’t do so either. He didn’t tell anyone about it. The wound’s still open, raw. Though, his anger is gone, dissolved into a deep ache. He wonders what he did to deserve this fate. First Viktor, and now Mel. Will he ever find someone again? Does he even want to? Maybe it would be for the better if he stays single for the rest of his life. There wouldn’t be anyone else to lose then.

 

His thoughts get interrupted by doorbell ringing. Jayce doesn’t want to see anyone right now, so he ignores it. However, whoever’s on the other side of the door doesn’t give up. The bell keeps ringing and Jayce’s annoyance gets the best of him. He swings open the door. Mel stands before him. Seeing her causes a bitter taste on his tongue. She looks hesitant. When Jayce doesn’t say anything, she starts.

 

“Can we talk?”

 

Her voice is small, quiet. Jayce doesn’t say anything, he just leaves the door open as he walks into the living room. He can hear Mel follow behind.

 

They make it near the kitchen counter and Jayce turns to face her. She seems tense. Jayce crosses his arms and gives her an expectant look, daring her to start talking.

 

“I’m sorry. I thought I got rid of that file.”

 

Jayce scoffs through his nose. All his anger came back the moment Mel stepped foot into his apartment. He’s fuming.

 

When he doesn’t say anything else, Mel continues. “Please, let me explain because I can.” Her voice comes out begging. Taking a deep breath, she starts to explain.

 

“That letter you’ve found is from years ago, a few months after you became a Councilor. My mother, Ambessa, reached out to me about Hextech. She wanted to weaponize it. In fact she was convinced that it was the only thing that could protect Noxus from opponents. Viktor was an obstacle which she was determined to get rid of. I agreed at first, but then I realized it wasn’t really about Noxus. She just wanted protection from her own enemies. Then I saw how devastated you were when we found out about his illness. Suddenly, I realized that it wasn’t worth it.”

 

Jayce seems to be contemplating this, really thinking about it. Mel steps closer with the newfound courage. “She sent me alternative plans to eliminate Viktor. I wrote back that I changed my mind, that Hextech was too dangerous to be weaponized. She threatened war, sent me the same plans again, stamped with the Noxian seal this time. I didn’t know what to do, so I didn’t do anything. I didn’t write back. I risked Piltover. I risked you.” She seems regretful. Her voice sounds wet. Jayce realizes she’s holding back tears.

 

“I was helpless. I didn’t have it in me to break into the paradise you created with Viktor. It brings me shame to admit that the guilt of it would be worse than risking this city. I couldn’t do anything. I just prayed that Piltover would forgive me for bringing the Noxian army to their doorstep.”

 

She sniffs. Her head hangs low like she can’t look at his face. Jayce’s anger evaporates completely as he feels the need to comfort her. “But that didn’t happen.”

 

“When the news of Silco’s death spread, the threat of civil war died with him. Zaun couldn’t be used against us anymore, but I was sure that she would strike at any moment. Turns out I was wrong. Noxus  cut ties with us, ended all kinds of relations, but they didn’t fight us. I guess I still have a mother.”

 

She looks up to meet his eyes. “I am so sorry for causing you and Viktor any pain. He was a brilliant man, one that I admired from afar. I regret ever agreeing to getting rid of him. The guilt still keeps me up, but I can’t make it up to him anymore. All I can do is help Zaun. God, I hope he can see it from somewhere.”

 

Her eyes glisten in the low light. Jayce can see the tear tracks on her cheeks, can hear the desperation in her voice. His right hand cups her cheek. “You did what nobody cared to do. You worked tirelessly to help Zaun these past few years. Viktor would be proud of you, he would understand.”

 

Mel sags into his arms as she sobs quietly. Jayce holds her. It feels like the time she comforted Jayce in the lab after his late husband’s funeral. He holds her a little tighter.

 

 

 

---

 

 

 

Jayce wakes up tangled up with his fiancé. The morning sun shines behind the curtains. Mel’s still asleep. The jewel on her ring creates a contrast between the sheets. Jayce sneaks into the kitchen quietly. Being an engaged man again feels a bit weird. It’s still quite new to him, though it does feel bitterly familiar. He makes tea for two every morning, cooks dinner, sometimes runs baths for Mel. It’s like an alternate universe where he married Mel from the start, like he never became a widower. Except the truth lies 6 feet beneath the soil. Jayce visits it regularly still.

 

When he went to tell Vik about his engagement, he was nervous. The familiar ache of guilt was expected, but it never came. Instead, all he felt was peace. The love between Viktor and him survived death, nothing can erase it. It will always be. His love for Mel added to it a few years ago. It’s a weird thing to love two people at the same time, but it’s possible all the same.

 

Mel joins him in the kitchen after a few minutes. He offers her tea, she pays for it with a little peck on the cheek. They talk about their wedding, how it should be. Vi and Cait got married recently. They held a lovely ceremony in Zaun, but there were a lot of people that knew the Kiramman family. A bit too crowded for his taste. They decided to keep their wedding small with Mel, inviting only close friends. It also became clear that Jayce wasn’t ready to take off his and Viktor’s wedding band. It felt disrespectable to his fiancé so he promised to take it off once they got married, but Mel told him it was fine. She offered to engrave her name on the other side of his current ring. So that’s how he came to wear his wedding ring before the wedding.

 

A call announces that Mel is expected at the Academy. She seems to have unexpected guests. She gets ready as Jayce does the dishes. He’s going to visit his husband today, change the flowers on the grave. He also has to go to the tailor to get the outfits for the wedding. Mel’s gown and his suit will match. They will be in House Talis and Noxian colours. He also has to go see the venue they found with Mel. It’s going to be a busy day. They bid each other goodbye and go on their ways.

 

It all goes by quite fast, and when Jayce decides to book the venue, the Sun’s starting to set. He texts Mel that he’s on his way home and starts walking. When he arrives, Mel is sitting at the kitchen table, a letter in her hands. Jayce can see the Noxian seal on it as well as the tension in Mel’s shoulders.

 

“What is it? Are you alright?”

 

Mel looks at him with sad eyes. “My mother’s dead.”

 

“Oh” a beat. “I’m so sorry, Mel.”

 

“I haven’t seen her in years. A foolish part of me thought we would reconnect at some point, but I guess that can’t to happen now.”

 

She sounds defeated. Jayce envelops her in his arms, puts his cheek on her shoulder. She breaks the silence.

“There is something else” Mel shows him the letter. “She left the throne to me.”

 

This takes him aback.

 

“I don’t know why. She cut all her ties with me, and now she leaves me the throne. If this is her way of apologising, then it’s too late. She’s dead.” Frustration seeps into her voice. Jayce looks at her face.

 

“Will you accept it?”

 

She seems surprised at the question, like she didn’t think there was a choice. “I… I don’t know. I miss home a lot. That throne was my biggest dream….” She falls silent “but would you want it? We would have to move there, which is far away. All our friends and your mother are here. We can’t see Caitlyn and Violet or Ekko and Jinx as much. Viktor is here too.”

 

Jayce realizes the weight of such a decision. Yes, he would be separated from all his friends, but there is always technology. He can create a personal Hexgate in Noxus. That way they could come to Piltover whenever they wanted. However, Piltover is not just his friends. It’s the place he grew up in, where he first got into the Academy, met his little sister Caitlyn, met Viktor. He shared a life here with Viktor. Every corner of this city reminds him of his late husband. A part of his brain associated Viktor with Piltover after his death. Can he really leave his husband trapped in a coffin under the very city they met decades ago? He knows he can always come back, but moving still feels so final.

 

On the other hand, he doesn’t have it in himself to keep Mel from her home country, a throne she deserves so much. She helped Piltover and Zaun for decades now, her work here is done. Jayce heard that Noxus is a very sophisticated country, far more developed than Piltover. It sparks up his curiosity. Maybe he could invent new things for the Noxians too. It would also be a powerful ally to Piltover and Zaun.

 

Mel interrupts his thoughts “You don’t have to decide now. Actually they are inviting us to see Noxus. I haven’t seen it in years. We should go. Maybe it would help you decide.”

 

They decide to go in a week. Vi and Cait invite them to dinner before the trip. Jinx announces that they’re adopting a kid named Isha with Ekko. She shows them her pictures. She’s a chubby cheeked, big eyed little girl. She looks happy with her new parents in the picture. Vi jokes that they adopted four kids. It turns out they’re cats. Married life suits Cait, she’s practically glowing with joy. Jayce hopes  knows it will be like that for them too.

 

The day before their trip, he goes to the cemetery with a bouquet of violets in hand. He puts them in the vase next to the headstone. They will be leaving in early morning. He wants to say goodbye to his husband. He packed Viktor's book in his suitcase. It feels like there's still a piece of him he can touch after all these years. He puts his palm on the grey stone. It’s warm from the summer sun. The scenery looks quite serene. The wind rustles the leaves of the willow tree, carrying the scent of flowers with it.

Even though it’s just a trip, Jayce has already decided. He will move to Noxus with Mel. She will be the new queen and Jayce will work as a scientist beside her. Maybe they’ll grow old there. Either way, he knows he will be buried here, next to his husband, intertwined for eternity.

 

 

Notes:

I finally finished this. Hope you guys liked it. I sure enjoyed writing these guys. This was my first fic ever so I'm particularly happy about it. To compensate for all the pain I've caused them, I will write a new fic with pirates and no major character death. Also, the amount of smut was criminal in this, I'll have to pay for that too. Thank you so much for reading! Hope to see you with a brand new fic.