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It had all started one morning two months after the end of their two-week honeymoon retreat on Ember Island and five months after their impulsive wedding. Mai had woken up tired, fatigued, and slightly nauseous at the crack of dawn, strange for a non-bender like her. Zuko had noticed her discomfort from her noticeably pale and haggard appearance, but she shook her head, stubborn and determined to continue with her day as if nothing had happened. They were supposed to have a council with the finance ministers that morning, and while FireLadies were usually not well-liked, Mai had begged her husband to come along so she could help him even though he insisted she wouldn’t miss a thing. In the end, he agreed. Mai was the first FireLady to attend the council meetings in hundreds of years, raising her political standing from fourth to second, second to the FireLord.
The meeting, even though she would never admit it out of pride, had actually turned out to be very boring and annoying: why would she care about a group of spoiled old men who thought they were comparing themselves to the heroes of the Nation to spout nonsense ideas? Also, the nausea was starting to get worse, making it difficult for her to concentrate on whatever words those idiots were blabbering. By the middle of the meeting, dizziness had also added and she felt the need to cover her mouth as a retching threatened to turn her stomach. At a certain point she couldn't take it anymore: she stood up staggering and walked out of the room without saying a word, probably even interrupting one of those old men while he was talking, but she didn't care. She felt everything spinning, her stomach turning and the bile threatening to come out.
“Mai, are you okay?” she recognized Ty Lee’s voice behind her, as she felt her hand rest on her shoulder. She had forgotten that she and Suki were guarding Zuko, she was probably so sick that she hadn’t noticed she had passed them. She was about to answer, but as soon as she opened her lips slightly, a retch rose up to her throat, and, unable to stop it, she simply bent over and vomited so as not to stain her clothes, covering her mouth again immediately after to prevent more from coming out.
“Oh, poor thing!” she heard Suki shriek, as her hand hooked onto hers.
“Wait, come…” Ty Lee invited her, as the two women gently dragged her to the porch and the gardens, sensing that the nausea was not over. Just in time, as soon as they reached them, another retch hit her and she bent over a bush vomiting again, slowly feeling a slight relief.
"Is it better?" her best friend asked, rubbing her back.
"Yes…" Mai sighed, taking deep breaths to calm herself, thanking Suki, who was handing her a tissue to wipe her mouth. “I don't know what's happening to me…”
"Have you ever thrown up like this before?" the Kyoshi Warrior asked kindly.
“No, I don’t know what could have caused it…” she shook her head, then covered her mouth again, feeling the nausea ease.
“Couldn’t you visit a healer? It’s not very normal to feel sick like this…” Ty Lee advised, but Mai shook her head.
“It’s probably just a stomach problem, maybe I didn’t digest, I took a bath right after dinner last night…” she admitted.
“I think you should, just to confirm that everything is okay…” Suki nodded “We’ll accompany you, if you want”
“Okay…” she finally gave in and walked back to the palace.
“Pregnant?” Mai asked, pale, looking at the healer in shock.
“All the symptoms are there, besides, not all women have another little heart beating in their stomachs,” smiled Kiran, the healer, as she bent the water from Mai’s belly into the basin by the bed.
“And… how long..?” she asked, feeling her stomach and realizing that a new human life form was growing inside her.
“I’d say about 10 weeks, less than three months for sure, you know, it’s kind of weird that you didn’t know about it before…” the woman commented and the FireLady glared at her. She was already in shock, she didn’t need any more comments. In fact, as she concentrated, she could feel a tiny bump, as she contemplated the void with her thoughts. 10 weeks ago she and Zuko had taken refuge on Ember Island, 10 weeks ago they had wasted every day swimming and every night making love, 10 weeks ago she had forgotten her fertility control teas in Caldera because of the excitement of finally having a honeymoon with her husband. It had only been two seasons since their marriage, and while she had thought about the issue of children, she had never spoken about it out loud to Zuko. Would this child change things?
“Can I go now?” she asked her, getting off the table.
“Yes, but I’d prefer to do another more specific check-up in a week,” Kiran nodded, and Mai disappeared.
“So? Is everything okay? You look paler than before…” As promised, Ty Lee and Suki were waiting outside the room, and the first immediately noticed the drastic change in her complexion.
“Still feeling sick? Shouldn’t you sit down?” Suki suggested, guiding her to a chair in the hallway. Mai didn’t resist, but instead let herself be carried along, one hand moving wildly across her lower stomach, still feeling the small lump. She closed her eyes and exhaled.
“Zuko mustn’t know…” she paused to swallow a lump in her throat “He mustn’t know I was here today, you’ll tell him I felt unwell and went to get some fresh air”
The two Kioshy Warriors looked at each other for a second.
“I doubt he believes it, we saw him running like a madman towards your rooms while you were inside…” the eldest member admitted.
“He was worried, you ran away without saying anything, you threw up twice and now you look like you’re on the verge of a panic attack…” Ty Lee continued “Did someone poison you?”
“No…” she shook her head, feeling the nausea that Kiran had relieved minutes before returning “I’m pregnant”
There was silence, broken by Mai’s small breaths and silent sobs as tears began to roll down her cheeks. She hated crying in public, she sounded like a child, but why couldn’t she stop? Saying it out loud had made it all so real, so scary. Luckily the two girls understood her discomfort, and after exchanging a few glances, they tried to comfort her. It didn’t help much, but at least she managed to stop crying, and when she was calm enough, they walked her to her rooms, choosing the longest and quietest route.
“You’re going to tell Zuko, right?” Ty asked after they entered the most private wing of the castle.
“I hope so,” he replied, after thinking for a couple of seconds.
"Mai! Oh, Agni knows how worried I was!” they heard a door swing open and Zuko appear in the doorway, running to his wife and hugging her “You had me worried! You were nowhere to be found! You left so suddenly I-”
“It’s okay, I’m just tired…” she lied, walking into their spacious room, looking at the two Kyoshi Warriors to remind them not to say a word.
“Are you sure? The servants told me you’ve been feeling unwell, maybe I should see a healer or-”
“Zuko! I’m fine, just tired! I want to be left alone! I just have a parasite in my stomach, I’m not dying!” she exclaimed, grabbing a pillow and throwing it at him as she sat on the bed. Agni, she felt so irritable right now, even though she knew he was just worried. She should be happy to have an interested and present husband, but right now she just wanted to be alone and mope.
“Well, excuse me for trying to be a good husband!” he got annoyed too, leaving the room and closing the door. Mai looked at the door, then curled up in bed, her face buried in the pillow as she cried.
Mai saw Zuko again only after dinner, before going to bed. During the rest of the day, servants had passed by with trays of food, an order from FireLord Zuko, who although he was proud especially during arguments, reserved compassion and affection even without wanting to show it, and the huge slice of fruit tart for dessert that he had requested for her was proof of that. However, she couldn't even put down simple rice, as after every bite she felt nausea rising and had to run to the bathroom if she didn't want to dirty the blankets. The healer Kiran had come to visit her once again, partly because Mai felt too sick from the nausea and partly because she wanted to know more about the child she was carrying. Apparently, she had discovered, pregnancy was not easy at all: you had to eat some foods and avoid others, get rid of pleasures like wine (and Mai was scared because she was drinking only that at dinner, but Kiran checked again and said there was nothing to worry about), cigarettes, fighting, training and stress. In the afternoon she also invited Ty Lee and Suki, who had been watching over her from the bedroom door, and she felt better, almost… proud to be expecting a child?
Towards evening, when the sun had already set, while she was lying in bed, she heard the bedroom door slowly open. She opened her eyes only to see her husband walking calmly towards their bed, bare-chested, wearing comfortable pants that he slept in. He sat down next to her, the mattress sinking under his weight, caressing her shoulder gently and she felt that familiar warmth coursing through her veins.
“How are you?” he whispered, lying down after giving her a light kiss on the cheek “Sorry about before, I shouldn’t have yelled at you like that…”
She turned around, looking into his eyes, then leaning forward and capturing his lips in a long kiss.
“I was nervous, you had the right…” she replied, snuggling up and kissing him again, reawakening his desire. He wrapped his arm around her waist, bringing her closer to his body as she responded to the kiss with frenzy. He shifted her, changing their positions, and she squealed: she was straddling him, while his hot lips traveled over her neck and shoulder, setting her on fire, her nightgown loosening more and more with each second, exposing more and more skin, his hot hands moving from her back to her hips, and while one kept her anchored and close, the other moved lower and lower on her belly, and when, to reach more intimate areas, he grazed the small and almost invisible bulge, she remembered.
“No no, wait, I don’t know if I can do this,” she shifted uncomfortably, and he immediately pulled his hand away.
“What’s going on, my love?” he asked worriedly, as she shifted from him, curling up panting with her back to him.
“I don’t know if I can do this,” she repeated, and he raised an eyebrow, even more confused than before.
“I get it, but… why? I mean… I respect your decision but… is it because you’re afraid of getting sick again?” he asked again.
“No, idiot!” she whirled around, hitting him with a pillow, “I could hurt the baby!”
“Wh- What baby…? Mai?” He stood up, holding her wrist as she was about to throw another pillow. “Y-You… You..”
The words died in his mouth as she lunged at him, hugging him, sobbing.
“I’m sorry… I’m sorry…” she muttered and he stroked her hair, trying to comfort her in their embrace despite his shock.
“Shhh… It’s okay, we’ll work this out, I love you, I’ll never leave you” he said, kissing the top of her head as she vented.
“I’m scared, Zuko, I’m not ready, it’s too early…” she cried into his chest.
“I know, I know, my love, but I’m here with you, I always have been, we’ll get through this” he whispered.
“But how? We… we never talked about this… It wasn’t planned…” she looked at him, wiping her tears.
“I know, I know… Shh…” he reassured her, and then, when she stopped crying, he asked “So what do you want to do?”
“This is the future of the Fire Nation, heir to the throne,” she replied. “I can’t get rid of it… I would regret it… I want children, Zuko, but I didn’t expect it this soon…”
“Agni had other plans…” he kissed her lips softly. “Either way, you will have my support, even if you want to… kill it… I won’t force you, it’s your choice, you will live through all this firsthand…”
“I said I want to keep it. It is an innocent child, Zuko, I can’t… It wouldn’t be fair,” she admitted.
“Then we will welcome a prince or princess soon…” he hugged her again. “So this was the parasite?”
She smiled, giggling, then kissed him.
Mai had never cared about her physical appearance: her mother's family had given her good genes when it came to body shape and thinness, and thanks to her workouts she was able to eat a lot of sugar and sweets without gaining weight. But now, looking at herself in the mirror while she was getting ready for an early spring banquet, she finally felt how much her body had changed. She was only wearing a light nightgown, and if she turned in profile she could clearly see the round and protruding bump, even if it wasn't huge yet.
According to Kiran, she had arrived exactly halfway, and it all seemed so surreal. Years ago, when there was still war, she would never have expected that one day she would be happy with a small parasite growing inside her. She smiled when she felt a slight movement, too light to feel it from the outside but strong enough to feel it. The baby had already started kicking a few weeks ago, but only Mai could feel it, despite Zuko's disappointment.
“Your time will come too,” she had sung, as he warmed her belly with his bending.
The cold air of winter was giving way to the mild and warm air of spring, and, as per tradition, the FireLord would organize a banquet to celebrate the spring equinox with ministers and the other leaders of the other nations.
Mai had never felt embarrassed, but this would be her first public meeting after making the news of her royal pregnancy known, and she knew all too well that a group of new mothers or middle-aged women would bother her throughout the ceremony to give her useless, old and senseless advice. If she felt in doubt about something, she always wrote a letter to Katara, who, thanks to Agni, responded quickly and enthusiastically. The two women had become very close during that period, but their letters were not only about babies or children (and Mai was grateful for that), and her advice was a thousand times better than a group of unpleasant old women.
Finally, she sighed and retreated to the huge private walk-in closet where the maids dressed her without having to enter the actual bedroom. They undressed her and made her wear a traditional FireLady kimono, made of fine materials (Zuko loved to spoil her) and tailor-made for the occasion a few days ago. Being pregnant, she needed to restock the entire wardrobe with comfortable clothes despite her belly. As soon as she was fully dressed, some of the maids busied themselves with her makeup and hair (which was actually always the daily one) before finally letting her go.
Zuko was already waiting for her, smiling, also wearing terribly too formal clothes.
“My beautiful wife,” he smiled warmly at the sight of her and she huffed.
“Let’s get this over with,” she grumbled as she walked past him, avoiding his embrace. She felt so terribly uncomfortable and tight in there, despite the softness and elasticity of the fabric. For a moment she felt so huge, or bothered, because the discomfort wasn’t caused by her belly.
“Is there something wrong?” he asked, reaching for her.
“It’s so… tight…” she admitted with a grunt, trying to adjust her dress as best she could where it was most uncomfortable, namely over her breasts. She had never had a problem with her size: she was proud of her small, not very full breasts, but, Agni, now that she thought about it they seemed so huge, and sore. Zuko probably got the hint, because he stood still, blushing.
“Oh, well… I…” he stammered, searching for a possible solution.
“It’s okay, Zuko, not all problems can be solved,” she grumbled, continuing to walk. He could tell she was getting annoyed: lately her hormones had been hitting her all the time and he had learned to live with it and know when he could speak up or, as in this case, just be quiet.
They quickly reached the banquet, which only started after they arrived. Mai remained glued to her husband for most of it, ignoring the formal chatter between the ministers, finally relaxing only when Ty Lee, Suki, and Katara dragged her away from that hell. The four women gathered in a secluded corner away from everyone, though she could still feel the glares of the middle-aged ladies studying and scrutinizing her. They had also done it with her mother when she was expecting Tom-Tom, but at least she was polite enough to smile, while Mai would glare at them, already too nervous for her tastes.
“So? How’s it going?” Katara smiled, grabbing a cup of tea while her son Bumi, who shared his birthday with the equinox, was crawling around quickly. Mai had been keeping an eye on him for a while, worried that he might wander off without his mother’s supervision.
“Good, I think, mostly tiring…” she admitted, stroking her belly.
“You’ll be a great mother Mai, I think your maternal instincts kicked in when your brother was born” the waterbender smiled and she raised an eyebrow, confused.
“Trust me, otherwise you wouldn’t be controlling Bumi so wildly while he’s crawling around” she explained further, giggling, and Mai felt embarrassed for the first time.
“I agree! And besides, you have the best aunt in the world who can help you!” Ty Lee nodded, shaking her and spilling drops of tea on her dress, apologizing profusely afterwards.
“Thanks to you, I’ll have an excuse to get rid of it now” Mai smiled, wiping the unabsorbed liquid off the fabric with a napkin.
“Is it really that uncomfortable?” Suki asked.
“Not like those hideous uniforms of yours,” she shrugged, and the table burst into laughter.
After the feast, the entire group of Zuko, Mai, Sokka, Suki, Toph, Aang, Katara, and Bumi moved to a more private room to celebrate the latter's birthday. Bumi was an extremely hyperactive, lively child, and Mai sometimes had a hard time believing that her unborn child could one day become a potential friend to the Avatar's son.
She often imagined a small prince, calm and collected, who would become the pride of his parents and the Fire Nation, but more than anything, she longed for a son. The truth was, she knew how complicated it could be to be a part of the nobility as a woman, let alone as the nation's heir! It was a burden that she would not let consume her son like Azula, or Ozai, or every FireLord that Zuko came before. She had promised herself that.
The little party didn’t last long, just enough time to give out a few gifts before the birthday boy had already fallen asleep, and Mai felt the pressure of the baby on her legs. They retreated to their royal suite, Zuko warming up a basin of water for her to rest her feet in before kneeling in front of her, his palm pressed against her belly as he looked at his wife with an expression of pure bliss.
He opened his mouth to shower her with more compliments, but was interrupted when he felt a slight movement right there, under where he had placed his hand.
“Did you feel that?” Mai asked, seeing her husband’s shocked and amazed expression.
“Yes! It’s…!” he smiled “It’s amazing! So strong…”
He leaned in to kiss the nub, only to feel another soft kick.
"He's here with us now…" she smiled.
"Always has been" he sat down next to her wife, giving her a kiss on the jaw, then raised an eyebrow "He?"
"I think it's a boy" Mai confessed "I can feel it, and stop laughing Zuko! I certainly didn't follow my mother's advice about having a rounded or pointy belly, ugh!"
"Ah! My wife" he chuckled, snuggling up "So grumpy and beautiful"
While the first and most of the second half had gone well, except for a few bouts of nausea here and there, the last few months had been hell. The baby inside Mai's belly had a growth spurt, resulting in a protruding and swollen belly in just a few weeks after the eighth month. Every day the FireLady felt more and more tired, and many times she was caught sleeping late, only waking up when the servants came in to get her ready for the day. During that time Zuko had ordered them to avoid such behaviors to let his wife rest during such a delicate period, also taking care of his duties to leave her more free, even though it meant more time in the office. But Mai was fine with that: she usually woke up to have lunch with her husband, then went for a walk in the gardens with Suki and Ty Lee, then she would hide away again between the warm summer sheets, waking up only to have dinner and spend time with her husband before he finished some documents while they cuddled in bed. It was a stupid routine, and sometimes she felt guilty that Zuko was staying up late for her, but she had tried sleeping less and just couldn't do it.
When she slept, she loved to feel the baby kick: unlike what other women had told her, in her case she didn’t feel the strong desire to go to the bathroom every second, and the baby would squirm and kick outwards, making feel some little and impatient feet. She would never admit it, but she couldn’t wait to meet their little prince: they had started renovating a room next to theirs for the new member of the family, with a crib and new toys. She never accepted as a gift from her mother or Ursa the old toys that she or Zuko had when they were little: that little creature inside her would be a source of rebirth for the nation, a new generation that would save and heal the scars of war.
Unexpectedly, Michi was thrilled at the news of the pregnancy: her visits became more and more frequent, inundating Mai with advice that she didn't want to follow, annoying her by asking to always touch her belly to feel the baby kick, repeating that she would soon become the grandmother of a future FireLord. It was stressful, and Mai saw it as a failed attempt at reconciliation. Luckily, her mother was always looked after by her aunt Mura, who gave her much more peace, and Tom-Tom. Tom-Tom practically moved into the palace, following his older sister wherever she went, very excited to become an uncle. He and the baby would only be 10 years apart, so it would be more like having a little brother than a nephew. His presence, as chaotic as it was, was also quite calming and pleasant. Also, his constant visits always turned from “I have to protect my big sister and her baby” to “I have to play with Kiyi”: their friendship had grown considerably during that time, even if it was all a crescendo since the wedding, when they both realized that they had in fact become relatives. Like Tom-Tom, Kiyi was also excited to be the cool aunt with whom the child would do anything behind his parents’ back. She was older, so she should also be the more mature one, but Mai didn’t mind: at least Zuko had a normal sister, and their child would have an aunt who wasn’t psychopathic or crazy. Kiyi always had an overly extroverted nature that sometimes made her uncomfortable, but Ursa followed her every step so as not to cause any harm even though she was already 12 years old. Probably if she had been born earlier, she would have definitely been a perfect friend for Toph, Mai always thought.
And then there was Druk, her husband’s not-so-little-dragon anymore, a brand new bodyguard who tormented her with his presence everywhere. Ever since the baby had started showing she hadn’t had a minute of peace: the little beast would cling to her waist, her clothes, or wrap itself around her shoulders like a scarf, growling and spitting smoke from his nostrils when some middle-aged lady who surely wanted to criticize the FireLady approached. From a certain point of view she was also happy to have a bodyguard always present, but sometimes it was too stressful: at night, for example, she loved to curl up with Zuko despite her big belly, but with a dragon wrapped around her it was almost impossible; also, like all those who knew how to bend fire, her body heat was very high, making it exhausting to feel a constant hot weight in the middle of summer.
In fact, the deadline was dangerously close to the hottest time in the country, and Mai was starting to sense that her baby was a firebender: she felt hot all the time, which made her sweat, and more often than not when she and Zuko cuddled in bed he would comment on how hot her belly was. There was a time when she would have been afraid of giving birth to a non-bender, breaking the line of inheritance that had been left intact according to tradition, but as the months passed, she realized that Zuko didn’t care at all. Sometimes he had nightmares, sometimes he would express his fears, but when she mentioned the little fact, he would shush her with a kiss, promising that he would love their little creation, and, duly, they would be interrupted by a strong kick.
The birth was something of an unexpected event: the due date was approaching faster and faster, and every day Mai could feel slight pain or discomfort in her lower back and belly, but both her mother and Katara and Kiran assured her that false contractions were normal.
It was the middle of summer, she had been having these pains for most days but she hadn't realized that they were symptoms of labor until she woke up in the middle of a hot sweaty night with the bed particularly wet. She had sighed convinced that she had peed herself, but the constant pressure in her lower abdomen and the annoying pain had convinced her that there was indeed something wrong. She had woken Zuko with some insults, he had panicked a bit as he called a servant to receive the healer's immediate presence, then crouched down next to her holding her hand, whispering sweet words to calm her (even if it seemed more like he was trying to calm himself). When the healer Kiran entered the room, she exiled the FireLord from the room as the labor quickly became active. According to traditions, fathers were not allowed to stay during the birth, but during the pain and contractions Mai longed for a hand to hold.
It was all happening so quickly for a first child, according to Kiran, and the FireLady didn’t know whether to be worried or grateful. Soon the doors opened again and her mother came in, proof that the news was spreading, and she squeezed her hand. The pain was so intense that she felt so confused, so disconnected from the events that were happening, where all she could feel was the ceiling of the canopy bed, the persistent burning between her legs, and her mother’s hand destroying her with her grip. She heard commands, whispers, comments, but almost no words came to her as she let herself be dragged by her body, trying to breathe through the contractions.
Everything went dark suddenly when, with a final wave of anguish that almost made her scream, she felt something slip away, a strange sense of relief as the pain subsided. She felt Michi’s hand slip away as she moved toward the healer, who instead moved the crying baby to Mai’s chest, and she finally touched her newborn little parasite. He was slimy, dirty, skinny, covered in a strange whitish substance and blood, and he was too loud, but in her eyes he was the most beautiful thing in the world. She cradled him, and he, recognizing her, stopped crying and curled up. He was perfect. He started crying again when some maids (who she hadn’t even noticed had entered) took back his little bundle of joy, and he started to stir again. She could feel Kiran still working down there, but when she was done she lowered her legs and covered her with a sheet, then placed a damp cloth on her hot, sweaty forehead.
Suddenly, the darkness disappeared and the warmth began to return, seeing the sun filtering high in the sky through the window.
“It is a girl, my Lady,” a handmaid bowed, placing the newborn in her arms again “Born under an eclipse, the first born under an eclipse”
Her world fell when the handmaid spoke the first words. She was so sure it was a boy, she didn’t want to have a girl who would be subjected to all the torture she had suffered during her childhood and adolescence, all the pressure on her shoulders for being born into high nobility. She didn’t want a girl, she had prayed to Agni a hundred nights for a boy.
“Mai!” Zuko’s gentle voice broke her from her thoughts, noticing that everyone, including her mother, had left. Her husband silently entered the room, approaching his wife without taking his eyes off the little bundle in her arms.
“Mai… Are… Are you okay?” he asked, crouching down next to her, stroking her cheek and she nodded. She saw his eyes move back to their son… no, daughter, and smile warmly.
“It’s a girl,” she confessed.
“A girl?” he asked for confirmation, stroking the newborn’s dark hair “She’s beautiful… She’s perfect, Mai…”
“But it’s a girl,” she complained, shaking her head and he looked at her.
“It’s proof of our union, I don’t care what gender she is, and… look at her! She’s so cute! I can't help but love her…” he sighed, with a smile “I… I don't want to become my father… This little creature won't become Azula…”
"We will protect her, I will not be like my mother" she sighed in turn, and then spoke after a short pause of silence "The proof of our union, huh?"
"It is the proof of the mutual love that unites us..." he explained, as she handed her over to him to pick her up. He cooed her softly, and she did not cry, recognizing him.
"Izumi"
"Huh?"
"I want to call her Izumi. It means fountain. It contains our entire history" she stated, and he nodded with a smile.
Princess Izumi.