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"Good God am I glad to be out of that fucking castle" Hans spoke, exhaustion evident. Henry sighed, “Me fucking too”.
They rode out of Trosky, yesterday had been hell.
“God it's good to be outside again, the sun, the warmth, the land. Shit”
Henry spurred Pebbles on slightly to fall into trot right alongside Hans. Hans chin was tilted up to the sky and view beyond, his features twisted with exhaustion. ‘I nearly lost him’ Henry thought, ‘Dear God, I nearly lost him, right in front of my eyes and I was powerless to do anything, even though I tried all I could’. His eyes traced the nasty red mark around his neck, which would surely bruise soon. Up to this point, despite all the shit they had been through, they had always managed to get through it, Henry had always managed to do something . Henry wasn't stupid, but he supposed it had in fact given him a sense of invincibility.
…
Hans' vision and hearing felt cloudy. His Henry was there, with captain thomas- for a moment, he felt hope, albeit small.
He grimaced, closing his eyes as the chatter and shouting pounded inside his head,
“The captain is still delirious! Go ahead with it”
His breath caught, his eyes snapped open, immediately finding Henrys who adopted an appearance of utter distress.
“You can't do this!”
Hans felt tears prick his eyes. Henry was being firmly held by two guards stopping him from making any move toward him
The noose felt ever tighter, ever suffocating. He was going to die. To die in this god forsaken land, far from home, and by hanging. Hanging . Not valiantly in battle, or honourably in any capacity.
But worst of all, he was going to die in front of his dearest friend. ‘Henry..’ he wanted to say but his breaths were becoming more shallow, more ragged as the executioner stepped closer.
He didn't know what to look at, the clear sky, the people here for entertainment, the floor?- or Henry. ‘Maybe despite everything, I could die happy with Henry being the last thing I see’ Hans thought wistfully.
So he did. He locked eyes once again with Henry, trying to convey anything. Maybe an ‘I’m sorry’? Hans couldn't help but feel guilty for having to make Henry watch this. His companions eyes shone wetly, distraught.
The block underneath his feet jostled. He instinctively wanted to close his eyes, but he wanted to see Henry, he needed Henry to be the last thing he saw.
And then it all happened so quickly.
The gate loudly opened, the crowd silenced, horse hooves smacking the road.
“What the hell is going on!?”
Hans moved his line of sight to lo and behold, Lord Von Bergow.
“My Lord.. Its- Its just a hangi-”
“No! You can't hang him, he's a noble!!”
The guards seizing Henry loosened their grip as he broke free.
“That's for me to judge! Take him down!” Von Bergorw commanded.
Hans could hardly fathom what was happening, his legs felt like they would buckle any second.
“Hans!”
He followed the voice seeing Henry run up the steps toward him.
He felt hands loosen and remove the noose from his neck and he all but collapsed from the wooden block he was standing on. But instead of falling into the void, he fell into the warm arms of the man he cherished dearly.
“You're okay Hans, you're okay, I’m here” Henry whispered hoarsely
Henry tightened his arms around Hans' shaking form, his head pressed into Henry's shoulder, breathing ragged and hard.
Henry was all too aware of the public audience, despite wanting to stay like this he had to get Hans away from prying eyes.
“Sir Hans, come, we must move elsewhere” he spoke softly.
The response was a head pressing harder into his shoulder before Hans lifted his head and nodded.
Henry kept an arm around his waist, supporting him as they walked away.
…
“Fucking hell and now we are helping Von Bergow and going to Nebakov”
“Kurva” he exhaled, fingers pinching the bridge of his nose.
Henry placed a hand on Hans thigh, giving it a small pat, “We’ll get this all done and over with as quickly as we can alright” he said gently, offering a small smile he hoped would be of comfort.
“..Yeah” Hans replied with a small sad smile.
They continued riding at a good pace, able to enjoy the scenery. It was peaceful and a ridiculous contrast to the events experienced just yesterday.
“Sakra, I really could have croaked, joined my old man in eternity, God rest his soul.
And he’d ask ‘So son, what great deeds have you achieved in your life?’ and I’d have to tell him ‘Well Pa, I fucked everything up royally and then they hanged me for poaching.’ Christ on a stick” He sighed.
“I can't have that Hal, when I go to my next life I must have something better to tell. A whole lot better”
“Hm, you could tell him about me,” Henry grinned. “How I served you loyally, saved your arse countless times, did what you asked yet spoke some sense into you, god knows you need it-”
“Hey!”
“-and really how I was such a funny, charismatic, wonderful person to my dear Lord”
Hans laughed, “Aye right, Im sure he’d want to hear the fairytale of my bold knight in shining armour, who also happens to be a blacksmith, a turnip picker-
“Enough with that already!” Henry chastised but not seriously.
-a spy, a monk, a scribe, a preacher, I could go on!” hans spoke jovially
“What can I say, I really am a perfect well rounded person” he said jokingly
“Ha! careful you're beginning to sound like me Henry!” Hans replied, leaning over to be able to reach Henry with a nudge of his elbow.
It felt normal. Their witty banter and joking around. They settled into silence once again, Henry was pleased to see a genuine smile on Hans face.
Henry was the one to speak up again, “Hey, see the crossroads there in the distance, by that big tree? Lets race” he grinned wickedly.
Hans' face lit up, “A race? Hmph don't be too upset when you lose” he smirked.
“Go! Hyah!”
The breeze felt wonderful, Henry was only a short distance away from Hans when he turned round to look back.
Henry was in awe, the way the sunlight bathed Hans face in a golden glow, reflecting off his hair so bright. His expression was a picture of pure joy and youth.
He turned back around and spurred his horse faster, laughing as he went, and Henry found himself laughing too.
Henry arrived at the crossroads just a short distance from Hans, both with huge smiles and trying to catch their breath.
“Christ yeah! I really needed that” Hans admits.
“Watch out next time, I won't go so easy on you”
“Ha! You never give up, that's what I like most about you” he spoke fondly.
Henry wasn't quite sure what to say to that, so he just smiled and looked away, eyes focusing on the wooden sign.
“Look,” he said, “So Nebakov is to the left and, oh straight ahead, is an inn.”
“Hm” Hans murmured
“Look, I know we were told to go to Nebakov as soon as possible but, I just- after everything that's happened, maybe we could just rest for tonight- and somewhere that isn't Trosky castle too” Henry knows he himself hardly slept a wink last night in his little shed of a room near the forge. He wanted to see Hans but after their talk with Von Bergow they just headed to their respective rooms. Henry hated that he was so far away.
Hans ran a hand through his hair, releasing a breath, and pausing before replying “Fuck it, yeah they can bloody well wait, we can go to Nebakov tomorrow morning instead. Let's go, I'm hungry too!”
“Aye Sir”
They arrived at the inn in the late afternoon. It was small with a few outside tables, the ground floor inside housed the kitchen and main tavern area, with a staircase attached to the outside of the building leading to several rooms above.
They approached who they assumed was the innkeeper
“Hello lads, what can I do for you today?”
“Hello, we would like food and a room please” Hans spoke matter of factly.
“Certainly” The innkeeper smiled “Help yourself to the pot over there, any extras you can talk to me or the maid. We have some troughs of water a little way down behind the inn for cleaning and- oh sorry, a room?” he questioned
“Why yes, is that alright? This is my bodyguard of course” Hans easily and smoothly replied
“Oh yes- yes of course good Sir”
Hans handed the groschen over, “Come now Henry I’m starvinggg” he moaned, placing his hand upon his partner's shoulder to move along.
“Jesus, Henry the foods not going anywhere slow down”
“Sorry, I didn't realise how hungry I was”
Hans laughed, “That's new”.
They ate quietly, a glass of wine each.
The atmosphere was warm and quiet. It wasn't very busy, just a low murmur of voices and the crackle of the hearth.
“Suppose we better go clean up before the sun sets completely” Henry suggested.
“Indeed” Hans stood, “Shall we?”
They dumped the bulk of their armour in their room and made their way down.
Henry was rather relieved to see no one else was there and it wasn't particularly overlooked. He cupped the water splashing his face, letting out a sigh, “My God, what a past few days”
“You can say that again,” Hans said, washing his face.
Henry pulled his shirt up and over his head and grabbed a cloth. Henry turned his head when he realised the splashing of water had stopped and found Hans had been staring at his back, a slight pink tinge to his cheeks.
They froze looking at each other for a few seconds too long before Henry decided to ignore it approaching Hans, “Come on, get this off” he said grabbing the bottom of his shirt to lift it over his head, to which Hans surprisingly cooperated without a word.
The mark on his neck was more obvious now, stark against the fair expanse of skin. Henry lifted a hand to gently place his fingers upon the side of his neck.
Hans almost flinched.
“Sorry” Henry murmured, but he didnt move.
“How does it look?” Hans asked hesitantly.
“I… think it'll get worse before it gets better unfortunately” letting his fingers so very carefully run across.
Hans shivered.
With Hans standing in front of the trough, Henry moved round to dip the cloth in the water, before circling to stand behind hans.
“What are you doing-?”
Henry laid a hand on Hans' shoulder, the other with the cloth met his back and began to sweep across.
“I was so scared,” Henry admitted quietly. “I was so scared Hans”
“Henry…”
“I sneaked around that entire fucking castle, found thomas, only to go off and brew some potion along with sorting other peoples shit so they could give me what I needed. And that bell. That fucking bell. I couldn't think of anything but you. And after I thought I’d done it, that chamberlain just-” he choked to a stop.
“I couldn't save you, I failed. It was only-” Henry's voice broke. Hans felt Henry's head lay against the back of his shoulder, felt strong arms snaking around his waist.
“It was only by a stroke of pure luck” He whispered, breath hot on his skin.
“Henry” Hans whispered shakily, his hands slowly coming to settle over henrys on his torso.
“You didn't fail, as I’ve said before, you’ve never let me down” Hans quietly spoke.
This was by far the most amount of contact they've had, and so intimate too. Naked skin pressed against one another. They stayed like that for a couple minutes longer.
Hans quite suddenly perked up, trying to regain his usual countenance, “Come, Henry, the sun will set and we’re still rank!”
After washing in pensive silence they made their way to their room. As Henry lit more candles, Hans flopped on the bed groaning slightly.
“Not comfy?”
“Ugh it's alright”.
Henry wasn't quite sure what to do with himself. He hadn't thought about the fact there would be only one bed.
He hesitated slightly before sitting on a chair near the door.
Hans was taking his shirt off, clearly preparing to sleep.
“Are you going to sit there all night? You'll have a sore arse in the morning!”
“It's not… that.. uncomfortable”
Hans gave him a look which said ‘bullshit’.
“I am your bodyguard after all, got to stay vigilant” Henry countered.
“Undress and get over here” Hans said
“Sir that wouldnt- wouldnt be so uh appropria-”
“What, and that at the trough was?” he challenged with a raised eyebrow. “Regardless, what if I demand it as your lord, hm?”
Henry scoffed but not unkindly, “As the noble Lord wishes”
He tugged off his shirt as he made his way to the bed-not-made-for-two-grown-men.
“We’re not going to fit” he said awkwardly
“Not my fault you've grown so much muscle at a ridiculous pace” Hans argued, moving over.
“Oh so you've been looking huh?” Henry smirked, laying down on his back next to Hans.
“Can't exactly not look at you when you're always in front of my face” he groaned.
Henry just chuckled at this. “Well I can give you more space if his Lordship so wishes-”
“No!” Hans said all too quickly, “I wasn't…ahem, I dont care, do whatever” he muttered
They lay next to each other on their backs, sides pressed against each other, soft orange glow from the candles bathing the room.
It was some time before Hans broke the silence.
“I thought, in that cell, I’d have plenty of time to reflect on my life, or my life would flash before my eyes as they say happens when faced with death. But I didn't. I couldn't even find it in myself to truly pray. The bell kept ringing and ringing, I thought I'd go mad” he laughed humorlessly staring at the ceiling.
Henry turned his neck, studied his profile, the perfect noble nose, clear blue eyes, shiny light hair.
“I had so many thoughts racing through my head and yet could also think of nothing at the same time. Is that strange?”
Henry lifted himself on an elbow, on his side looking down at hans. Admittedly it was a fairly intimate position.
“I don't think anything can really be called strange when in such a situation as that” Henry said gently.
Hans avoided his gaze.
“When I was- When I was on the-” He took a deep shuddering breath, “I didn't know what to think about, or what to look at”.
He felt his eyes sting remembering the previous day's events, still so fresh in his mind. The fear it will forever be, every detail as clear as day.
He paused to compose his trembling lip and stuttering breaths, only then to feel a warm solid hand carefully take the one he had rested on his stomach. He finally looked at Henry, his eyes so deep, so warm, so full of emotion, wetly reflecting the glow of candle light.
“I was terrified,” he admitted, eyes wide and searching Henrys. “Of so much. Dying, being damned, what Sir Hanush and Rattay would think, everything I hadn't achieved, so much I haven't experienced and You.”
Hans squeezed Henry's hand, “I'm so terrified of being without you”.
He felt Henry's hands break from his grasp, fear coursed through him, ‘Was I too bold, have I frightened him, does he hate me now?’
But he felt that hand upon his face, wiping his cheeks. ‘Fucking hell’ Hans thought, ‘The Lord of Pirkstein crying, could I get anymore pathetic?’.
He felt so vulnerable. But there is no one else in the land he could imagine being this open to, only with his Henry.
“I wanted you to be the last thing I saw” he said, voice thick with emotion as he took Henry's hand off his cheek and brought the palm to his lips, leaving a kiss in the center.
“Hans” Henry started, he nudged closer, “I will pull you from death's grasp, drag you from fire, steel and shadow. While I still stand and still breathe, no rope will tighten, no blade will fall nor enemy touch you before going through me first. Call it duty or foolishness, call it whatever makes it easier to bear, but I will stand between you and death for as long as fate allows.” Henry lets his hand caress Hans chest, almost completely leaning over him.
Hans bites back a sob, this seemed like… a confession. This whole conversation had really got completely out of hand, but now it's started Hans finds he cannot stop himself.
He uses both hands to cup Henry's face above him. “You are too good Henry. I am but a foolish nobleman who thinks my title and blood alone make me untouchable. You- you are the one who has a more true noble and honourable heart. You are filled with such goodness and bravery, whilst I am but a useless coward, bound by a blood that creates a facade I hide behind. I regret the ways in which I have treated you so very unfairly, I am spoiled and arrogant and every bit the stereotype of a young, unlikeable, selfish noble .”
It breaks Henry's heart.
“Bullshit”
“What?”
“Bullshit!” Henry says louder this time. “Yes, you’re arrogant, reckless and have an unbelievable gift for getting into trouble-”
Hans lets out a wet laugh, “This is really helping my self esteem”
“Shut up and listen” Henry leans forward “Don't act like you don't care, Hans. I've seen you fight for people who would do nothing for you. I've seen you risk your life when you didn't have to. Hell, you've nearly died several times! And do you know what that tells me? That you don't just talk about standing your ground, you actually do it . The actions of a man speak a thousand words. You still draw your sword when it matters, don't ever say you are not brave because you have done so much that not many would have the courage to do. I have felt your weight on my back god knows how many times, because you are worth carrying. And you too have carried me, protected me and saved me. So do not ever think of yourself as useless” His voice weighted with emotion, unshed tears fill his eyes.
Hans lets out a slow breath closing his eyes briefly, “You really do have a habit of making it impossible for me to properly wallow in self pity” He says gently smiling, thumbs stroking Henry's cheeks.
“Someones got to” Henry says in return, smirking.
He leans down kissing Hans forehead, both men have their eyes closed soaking in the emotions and heaviness of their conversation. “And more than anything” Henry speaks up “you have continued on, despite everything”
Minutes pass, Henry sighs, “Lets sleep?” He asks
“Mm Yes… thank you Henry, for everything” Hans replies.
“Goodnight Hans”
“Goodnight Henry”
They embrace one another, physically and emotionally exhausted. This display of intimacy and vulnerability was…. dangerous. But it felt so right, to be in each others arms, to feel each other's skin. For a bond like this wasn't easy to come by, and even harder to be broken.