Chapter Text
Geez, humans are tiny.
That was Sans’ first thought when he first saw the human stumble out of the ruins, singed and bruised.
He was surprised, that’s for sure, when he heard the loud creak of the Ruins’ door from his post. Even more surprised when he turned to the sound and squinted his eyes to see a tiny figure emerge from the normally locked door. And he was even more surprised when he shortcutted over to find that said figure was a human .
And a puny one at that.
He had never seen a human before. It seemed…fleshier than most monsters. Not scaly or furry, save for the mop of disheveled hair on its head. In fact, the only resemblance it bore to any monsters at all was that it was vaguely the shape of a small skeleton.
Interesting.
It looked around at its surroundings, wary and confused by the change of scenery. Sans even thought it looked a little scared as it wrung the tattered remains of its striped sweater.
He watched from the cover of the thick forest trees, observing it silently, assessing it. Was it a threat? Unlikely, given its current state, but…humans healed quickly. And they were hardy creatures, able to stand seemingly countless blows before succumbing to their injuries. And from the way the human continued walking, as if it wasn’t burnt to a crisp, Sans would’ve said it was nowhere near that point.
Sans’ eyes narrowed as they followed the human, stumbling through the snow. It piled up to its knees, and the human had to pick each foot up high to take a step. Sans would have laughed at the sight if he didn’t have to deal with the same predicament every so often, himself.
Sans thought deeply. There was no evidence so far that the human posed any type of threat. He didn’t see any weapons and their size was deceptively unassuming. But you could never tell with creatures like these. They won the war for a reason.
Now, normally, Sans wouldn’t have gone through the trouble of thinking about all this. He should’ve just seen the human, neutralized it, and fulfilled his duty as a sentry to deliver the human soul to Asgore, thereby freeing monsterkind and allowing them to be free from their underground prison like they had dreamed of for generations. But there was this little issue – that promise he had made. Which, he never actually believed he would even have to think about again after making it, because what were the chances of another human coming to the Underground?
But here it was, right in front of him. And now he had a decision to make.
Now, Sans was a lot of things. Morally questionable, yes. A royal screwup, also yes. But dishonest? The last promise he had broken resulted in tragedy. He would like to keep that from happening ever again, if possible. But…would innocent blood be on his hands if he let this human live?
The human was getting further away. Sans shook his head and teleported closer. He would just have to play it by ear for now. See what this thing was all about. And if he was lucky, somebody else would just come along and finish the job for him. Make his decision easier.
But, while it was still here, nobody said Sans couldn’t have a little fun with the human.
With a grin, Sans quickly took a shortcut to a spot a little ways behind the human, stepping on a branch with a loud crack. The small creature startled, whipping around to face the sound quick enough that Sans barely shortcutted away in time.
Sans watched from the cover of trees once more as the little human’s eyes flicked around, searching for the culprit of the branch’s breaking. It held itself in a defensive position – taught. Alert. Its shoulders were hunched and its hands idly wrung at its sweater as it studied its surroundings.
After a minute of standing stock still, the human tentatively walked back toward the branch. Sans didn’t so much as twitch as it came closer, studying its every movement. It crept up on the branch as if approaching a hostile animal, movements slow and hesitant. It stopped just in front of the branch, staring at it for a few moments before returning its gaze to the surrounding wood.
After a minute of nothing happening, the human seemed to ease up, realizing that nothing was going to attack. With one last cursory glance around, it turned and continued on its way, albeit a bit more wary than before.
Sans bit back a chuckle. Jumpy little thing.
Sans teleported back to the path and followed it for a bit. The creature paused, as if noticing something was amiss, but kept walking.
As it continued its march through the snow, Sans returned to the trees and continued thinking. It clearly had some prominent survival instincts, ready to fight if need be. Which tracked for its species and their…reputation.
It wasn’t uncommon for the humans that had fallen before this one to fight when provoked. And in a fight against a human, a monster didn’t stand a chance. Dozens had been murdered at the hands of creatures like this one. So Sans knew he was playing with fire, waiting around like this - this thing had the capability to be the downfall of monsterkind itself if he let it. But still, he found himself unable to move to strike it, the promise he had made ringing through his head.
“Watch over them,” the old lady had said only a few days before, “and protect them.”
Sans groaned internally, cursing his inability to say no.
Forget it. It was time to get a real read on this creature.
Sans shortcutted back to the path just as the human reached the bridge, not even bothering to conceal his presence this time. The human froze at the sound of his footsteps, stopping just at the base of the bridge. It stood there, trembling as Sans got closer and closer until…
“Human,” Sans said lowly, intentionally making his voice sound deeper and more menacing. “Don’t you know how to greet a new pal?”
He extended a hand toward the human’s turned back with a sharp grin. “Turn around and shake my hand.”
Slowly, tentatively, the human began to turn its trembling body to face the skeleton. Once fully turned, it peeked up at him with wide, round eyes. Sans idly noted that its slight form only came up to about his chin.
Maintaining his grin, Sans glanced down at his extended hand. The human followed his gaze and, after a moment of quietly observing the extended appendage, it slowly reached out and took it with its own shaky hand.
Pppfffffffffffffffttttttttttttttt
The human jumped at the sound that emitted from its hand (which was completely engulfed by Sans’ much larger, skeletal hand), shock painting its features. Sans chuckled at the look on its face before letting go and lifting his hand up to show them the small, pink inflatable initially obscured by his sleeve.
“heh…the old whoopee cushion in the hand trick.” He gave the human a wink. “it’s always funny.”
The human stared up at him with those wide eyes before its face broke out into a small, surprised smile, a breathless laugh escaping it.
Well, it had a sense of humor. That was a good sign.
Sans’ grin softened slightly as he stuffed his hands into the pockets of his jacket. “anyways, you’re a human, right?” He inquired.
The human’s small smile fell, morphing into a nervous grimace. It fiddled with the sleeves of its oversized sweater as it gave a tiny nod, looking up at Sans through its eyelashes.
His grin grew. “that’s hilarious.”
Sans leaned back on his heels casually. “i’m sans,” he introduced. “sans the skeleton.”
Sans glanced around. “i’m actually supposed to be on watch for humans right now, but…y’know.” He shrugged, grin unmoving. “i don’t really care about capturing anybody.”
The human gave him a perplexed look, the tension in its shoulders loosening marginally at his words. It didn’t say anything, continuing to stare at Sans with those big eyes.
He went on, “now my brother, papyrus? he’s a human-hunting fanatic .”
That made the human nervous again, the tension returning as the creature shrunk in on itself slightly.
Sans glanced up as he saw movement out of the corner of his eye from behind the human. His grin grew. “hey, actually, i think that’s him over there,” he idly noted.
The human’s eyes widened. It whipped its head around to see, sure enough, a tall, skeletal figure approaching in the distance at a brisk march.
“i have an idea,” Sans said, causing the human to turn back to him frantically. He nodded at the bars that his brother had situated across the bridge, applied to “ENSNARE ANY HUMANS UNFORTUNATE ENOUGH TO COME THIS WAY! NYEH HEH HEH!”
…They probably overestimated the size of any human that would come.
“go through this gate thingy,” Sans instructed.
The human looked at the wide-set bars, then back at Sans for confirmation. He nodded encouragingly.
“yeah, go right through. my bro made the bars too wide to stop anybody.”
The human hesitated another moment, shifting slightly on its feet and looking back and forth between Sans and the rickety bridge before finally scurrying through. Sans followed behind at a leisurely pace.
They continued until they reached Sans’ post and the lamp next to it that was, somehow, shaped exactly like the silhouette of the human.
“quick,” Sans urged, “behind that conveniently-shaped lamp.”
The human rushed to obey, seeing the figure of Papyrus rapidly approaching. It was seconds after the human was tucked out of sight when he stepped into the clearing. Sans turned to his brother and shot him a lazy grin.
“‘sup, bro?”
Papyrus’ brow ticked annoyedly as he crossed his arms, a stern expression marring his face.
“YOU KNOW WHAT’S ‘’SUP,’ BROTHER!” he boomed. “IT’S BEEN EIGHT DAYS AND YOU STILL HAVEN’T RECALIBRATED. YOUR. PUZZLES!” Papyrus punctuated each last word with a stomp of his foot.
He gestured wildly to the small skeleton standing in front of him, movements sharp and agitated. “YOU JUST HANG AROUND OUTSIDE YOUR STATION! WHAT ARE YOU EVEN DOING?!?”
Sans’ grin widened at his brother’s antics. “staring at this lamp,” he answered, glancing at said lamp. He could hear a surprised squeak come from behind it. “it’s really cool. do you wanna look?”
Papyrus’ face screwed up in annoyance. He stomped his foot again. “NO!! I DON’T HAVE TIME FOR THAT!!” he shrieked.
Papyrus straightened up, leveling Sans with an adamant look. “WHAT IF A HUMAN COMES THROUGH HERE?? I WANT TO BE READY!!!”
He looked off into the distance, a determined look on his face. “I WILL BE THE ONE! I MUST BE THE ONE!!”
Papyrus clenched his fists. “I WILL CAPTURE A HUMAN!” He then brought a hand up to his chest, flashing a bright grin in his brother’s direction. “THEN, I, THE GREAT PAPYRUS…”
He struck a heroic pose. “WILL GET ALL THE THINGS I UTTERLY DESERVE!!”
Sans just watched on, a passive smile on his face. He’d heard this spiel a million times before.
Papyrus continued on. “RESPECT…RECOGNITION…I WILL FINALLY BE ABLE TO JOIN THE ROYAL GUARD!!” he recited passionately. He clasped his hands and brought them up to his face. “PEOPLE WILL ASK TO. BE. MY. FRIEND! I WILL BATHE IN A SHOWER OF KISSES EVERY MORNING!”
He looked back at Sans with an almost desperate look on his face. “DON’T YOU UNDERSTAND, BROTHER?”
Sans pretended to think for a moment. “hmmm…maybe this lamp will help you,” he said offhandedly.
Papyrus let out an indignant shriek, stamping his foot and standing ramrod straight. “SANS!! YOU ARE NOT HELPING!”
Papyrus began to pace around in a circle, moving his arms wildly as he began to rant. “YOU LAZYBONES! ALL YOU DO IS SIT AROUND AND BOONDOGGLE! YOU GET LAZIER AND LAZIER EVERY DAY!!!”
Sans’ eyelights followed Papyrus’ path through the snow, and he pretended that the words didn’t hurt. After all, they were true, and he heard them every day.
So he said, “hey, take it easy. i’ve gotten a ton of work done today…a skele-ton, ” he winked as his grin widened.
Badum-tss. Perfect delivery.
His brother seemed to disagree.
“SANS!!” Papyrus bellowed.
Sans’ grin grew. “come on…you’re smiling,” he coaxed.
Papyrus stopped trying to conceal his own grin. He groaned good-naturedly. “I AM AND I HATE IT!” He rolled his eyes annoyedly as his smile dropped. “SIGH…WHY DOES SOMEONE AS GREAT AS ME HAVE TO DO SO MUCH TO GET SOME RECOGNITION?”
Sans nodded understandingly. “wow. sounds like you’re really working yourself… down to the bone. ”
He could have sworn he heard a tiny giggle come from the lamp.
Papyrus scrunched his face in disgust. “UGH.”
He turned dramatically on his heel. “I WILL ATTEND TO MY PUZZLES.” He looked over his shoulder at Sans. “AS FOR YOUR WORK? PUT A LITTLE MORE… BACKBONE INTO IT!!”
He cackled at his own joke, “NYEH HEH HEH” ing all the way back into the woods.
Sans watched him go. Once he was out of sight, another small giggle emitted from the lamp, causing the corners of Sans’ mouth to lift even more.
“okay,” he called, “you can come out now.”
The human peeked out of its hiding spot, cheeks flushed and shoulders shaking with suppressed laughter.
“You-you’re funny,” it said in a small, slightly high-pitched voice.
Something warm seemed to seep throughout Sans’ chest.
Maybe this human thing wasn’t so bad.