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Watch out! He's a DIVA

Summary:

Imagine Percy Jackson, but preppy. A weird Heathers, Mean Girl mix with Drew as his Best Friend.

* Was this inspired with the firm idea that Poseidon and Aphrodite are BFFs because they both have some relation to the ocean? And that it's my firm belief that they would appreciate what the other does? Yes, yes it was.

Another crack fic. Are they in character? Probably not. Does it any way resemble canon anymore? I mean kinda :D The events are the same! The people, ehh not so much. Do I need to get it out of my system? Yes.
So like the Draco Malfoy fic (which may or may not continue), welcome to the Percy Jackson idea that has been haunting me.

Chapter 1: An Ugly Bat Lady Just Tried to Kill Me! Part 1

Chapter Text

Percy would like to make it perfectly clear to the audience that he didn’t do anything. In fact, he was minding his own business, hanging out with Drew and their other friends, when he got dragged into the mess.

He would also like to make it clear that being a Demigod sucks , as much as the met gala dresses from that one year. Ugh, do people not know what a theme is? Whatever, anyway. So if you feel even a remote sense of belonging, a sense of familiarity, or even a feeling of connective-ness with anything you read here? NO YOU DON’T. 

Now Percy would like to say that he’s your average 12 year old. He has a decent mom (most of the time), a less than stellar Step-Dad, and he goes to Yancy Academy. The school where the rich go, and the even more famous attend. And it shows. On the school, not Percy (but he supposed that statement can also be applied to him too, huh?). Yancy has some of the craziest facilities and classes available for a boarding school. Swimming Team, Fencing Team, , Marine Biology, Fashion-something, 10-some different language courses, good support systems for disabled students (which for some reason isn’t the standard), blah blah blah.

 Percy is pretty sure most of that falls under the crazy, unusual category  – from what he could tell from T.V shows, online forums, and the faces the people from his neighborhood make when he walks back home at the end of the year. 

Probably thinking, ‘how does a kid from these parts afford going to that school?’

 

Answer: he doesn’t. 

 

If it was only his mom (cause God knows his, step-dad doesn’t do shit), he probably would have been at the local schools. The ones where one building housed the entire highschool and middle school, and more than half of the desks were broken. With the school itself probably being a couple dollars away from shutting down and being turned into a parking lot. He probably also would have been kicked out by a school like Yancy by now, what with the stuff he’s pulled. Lucky it's not just his mom, he also has his mystery (somewhat of a dead-beat) Dad, who not only has been paying for the tuition since he was a little kid, but also for the uniform and supplies. 

And also gave some big donations that made the school look the other way when mishaps occurred. 

Which yeah it was great, sometimes made him feel cared for. Maybe even loved when the gifts come on his Birthday, and one other random day of the year. Just sometimes Percy wished that he got to – 

Whatever. 

His mom refuses to acknowledge it as the help it is. Called it a scholarship and a stiped from the school for the longest times, until it was slipped by the principal's office when he was in the 3rd grade. That was… something. Gabe found out, cus turns out she was lying to him too, and well. That day Percy decided he’d rather stay in the dorms for the rest of the year. Percy… still doesn’t know if that was the best choice. She got worse, he got worse, he started getting bullied for a time, before Drew found out. Still gets side-eyed, but now people know better. 

Who would have thought, being poor in a rich people’s school would cause you to be bullied? 

 

Hearing that out loud, he probably should have expected it a long time ago.

 

But he made sure that was the only thing they could ever target him for. Well he and Drew made sure. He studied his butt off, and got additional support for his Dyslexia and ADHD, so that they can’t go after his grades. And Drew made sure he didn’t look like a total mess, or do a faux pas (a social ‘oh-oh’ if you will). And if she even targeted them back for what they did to him.

 

He doesn’t know anything about it. Totally didn’t participate in it, either.

 

Hey, he never said he was nice.  

Plus school is like the wild. You let them do it once, and they’ll go too far for the rest of your life. That’s why you gotta establish from the start that you're not someone to be messed with. 

That’s how he and Drew got to always be on their spot on the bus. 

 

Now, why would a private school need a bus? Why would he need to get on a bus, since he lives in the dorms? Well no matter how cool the facilities are, it’s still a school and as schools like to do, they go on field trips. But again, as a school for the crazy rich and famous, Yancy ends up having a lot of field trips. To the local aquarium and zoo, to learn about conservation efforts. To museums, to get a back door look into historical conservation efforts. And even out of state trips, to national parks that have swamps and deserts. Animation studios too ! Okay the last one didn’t match, but it’s really cool! God he loved the animation club. They go to other places too of course. Like food factories, and other company headquarters (gotta use those rich, rich connections). 

It's just that these very stress him out the most. The weirdest things always happen on those types of trips. And usually have the highest consequence. 

Remember how he mentioned his mystery dad paying off the school? Yeah most of that comes from these trips.

And it isn’t that he means to do anything! It just kinda happens. But it also isn’t like he does most of these things! Drew does at least half of it! It's just that they're usually together when it all goes down, and he gets the tendency to get blamed for it all. Not that she puts it all on him, the school just kinda assumes. Like that one time he accidentally caused his entire class to fall in the shark tank. He didn’t mean to touch the lever! He swears someone told him to do it. Or that other time Drew nearly caused  a fire in the Hershey headquarters, which he got blamed for initially. How was she going to know the employee would take her words literally? 

Like, hello? They’re kids? 

So really he just hoped that this trip went well. He doesn’t think he could handle writing lines again. Especially since they're cursive! 

Though, with how the trip started, he doesn’t think it will.

Most people, as mentioned, know not to take his and Drew’s spot on the bus. It's kinda an unspoken rule that can get really physical if not followed. At times (like this one) one of them gets to the bus early and ends up sitting there, so sometimes it’s not even unspoken anymore. It is not a very much spoken rule without the words.

Well Underwood didn’t seem to catch any of that. 

Which, you know? Fine. Percy gets it. Some of his friends, and even Percy himself, have a hard time picking up social cues. 

BUT! A backpack on the seat, is a backpack on the SEAT. Not an invitation to sit there, and squish his backpack against him. It’s a good backpack too! It was real leather, with embroidered flowers and fish! It was like $27.98, which is a ton of money for a backpack, but it was so nice. It was literally the best thrift find Percy ever had! And okay maybe he should have been paying more attention, rather than checking himself in the mirror to make sure his headphones (thanks Drew, love you <3) didn’t mess up his hair. But again backpack on  the seat. 

And then Underwood had the gall to ask if everything was okay? As if he isn’t the reason why Percy is pissed, and why the few people in the bus are ducking down?

Deep breathes, deep breathes. 

“Yeeaah, no. Everything isn’t okay. Look, I know you're new here, and since you're my roommate, I’ll give you some advice. When there is something on the seat, it usually means it’s taken.” There. Implied, without being rude. Saving him, Grover, some face, and making Percy himself look nice.-Ish.

 

Auntie Zhu would be so proud.  

 

But instead of moving, Underwood just nodded along and smiled, “Yeah, I know! I really appreciate you saving a seat for me! That was really nice of you!”

Okaaay no, he’s not getting it. 

“Yeaaah, No. I don’t think you get it. What I mean is, please move. This seat isn’t for you, it’s actually for someone else.”You try to be nice, and look where it gets you. This is why direct is the best way to go at times. And look, it's not even that mean! I said please.

“What? But… your the only person I know and I thought since we were roommates and frie-”

“Hold it. One : I don’t care what you thought. Two: Since when were we friends? We’re acquaintances at most. And just because we're roommates doesn’t mean you get to sit with me. Sit behind me. Sit in front of me. I. Don’t. Care. But don’t assume you can, or that I agreed that you can sit next to me. That spot is saved for Drew.” 

That wiped the smile off his face. God I hate assumptions. And it’s not like I’m trying to be mean. I just want to make the lines clear. I literally just met him this semester. How can we be friends when I only see him when I’m going to bed? Not even in the morning since he keeps sleeping in. And plus, I’ve seen the looks he pulls on my night routine. I’m a pre-teen boy! I gotta take care of my skin to avoid acne. It’s not like I’m using the hard stuff. Literally just using Bubble (thank you Doña Maria from next door<3) , and my doctor prescribed moisturizer (and thank you school insurance). Which, considering how dry my skin gets, I really need.   

Oh god, why isn’t he moving? What’s he going to say now? 

“Drew? But isn’t she mean? You know, a real bully. Shouldn’t you be friends with better people? Wait are you okay, are you-“ 

He did not just say that.

“Listen here you, you 23 year old looking goat. You have no right to talk to her or about her  like that! She is the kindest, and best person I know!” Getting up I glared down at him, pushing him off the seat into the aisle. Closing in on him while the rest of the people in the bus, which has been steadily increasing both in number and views, looked on. “She is ‘better’ people. Better than you for sure, with your raggedy beard. What, did puberty come early or did you just fail too many classes, too many times?” Pushing him further and further into the back of the bus. “So why don’t you just sit here and think about what you said. Maybe if you ever reflected on that, you wouldn’t have been held back so many times.” Finally pushing him down into a seat on the very back of the bus, away from everyone before turning back to my seat, where Drew was already seated, looking at a mirror, eyeliner in hand. 

“That’s going to be awkward back in the dorms.” She said never looking up from making a perfect wing. She better do his. He even brought the red eyeliner that he got from the old lady Ruth from apartment 1A. Sweet lady, with the furriest cat he has ever seen. 

“Don’t even mention that. God. I didn’t even know what else to do. I mean, Hello? Backpack and I asked? And he insulted you. No one does that. What was I supposed to do? On top of that, now I feel bad, cause now I realize that I threw things way out proportion. He’s new, and my roommate. And god!” Ugh. After she was done with her left eye, she got up so that he could get the window seat, picking up both her and his backpack so that they didn’t touch the floor. 

Might he add without squishing them.

 Once he settled down, he grabbed both so that she could sit down. Getting his own eyeliner out, while listening as she said,” Well what else were you supposed to do? You asked him to leave, he didn’t. You had to show what happens when people mess with us. Plus: do you really feel bad? Like, do you feel bad for him or that you're now going to have to live with all that for the rest of the semester?”

“Both I guess.”

“Well then forget about it! He deserved it. You know I would have done worse. So just enjoy the trip to the museum, I know you love that. And explain why you reacted the way you did in the privacy of your dorm. Maybe while you're doing your night routine.” She responded, moving over to look at me directly before doing the grabby hand. Once the eyeliner was in her hands, she went to work on his eyes. 

“You know I was already going to do that. Maybe I should get him an apology gift from the - ”

“Ah, ah. No. No apologies. You asked, more politely than you should’ve if you ask me, and he didn’t do it. He should be the one apologizing to you! Move your head to the left, I can’t reach your other eye.”

“I suppose you're right. Wait, let me get my mirror out.” 

“Here, you can use mine when I’m done.” It took maybe a minute before she was, and damn. Drew’s eyeliner abilities would never stop impressing him. Look at his eyes pop! Kinda creepy actually. 

“High key creepy.”

“What the wings? Cus I can fix it.”
“No, my eyes.”

“Nah, your eyes are pretty. If yours are creepy then mine are worse. Oh have you seen the latest episode of -”

And for the rest of the time for the bust to fill up, and for them to get to the Museum,  he and Drew talked about their morning. The different fandom updates they had. Ignoring most of the people around them, like Nancy Bobfit who had a bad tendency of both sitting near them, and bullying anyone like Percy. Not that she could say anything to Percy with Drew there. He showed her the Pokemon cards he got from the last pack he was able to save up for. She showed him the magical gathering cards she got. They talked about trying out myth-o-magic. Really wasn’t enough time to pop in the dvd for Game of Thrones that they recently watched (did Percy mention he has really good luck in thrift/yard sale finds? $10, baby, for the full set). But fun all on its own, enough to get the incident out of his mind. Never noticing that Grover seemed disappointed and that he had been written off as another Aphrodite kid. Not that he would have known the last part. He isn’t a psychic after all. 

 

After getting half of the bus hyped up into singing parts of the Hamilton soundtrack, which while the school is filled with the rich they are also filled with theater kids, they finally got to the Museum, the Metropolitan Museum of Art. Percy would be the first to admit he isn’t really good at interpreting some genres of art. But the Museum has a greco-roman exhibit that he’s been dying to look at. Drew not so much, for some odd reason. Says she has to deal with that stuff every summer at her mystery summer camp. Which one: cool (looking back not cool, NOT COOL), two: he sometimes wishes she would tell him. About the camp. Even if he can’t go, just so that he can send her letters directly. Instead of having to wait for her Dad to tell her when she gets back. It gets kinda lonely in the summer. Stuck in that apartment. Stuck here. But that's okay. She said she was going to tell him one day, just that the camp is super strict. Which he supposed, makes sense. It’s just that, they share everything together, even stuff her Dad told her not to. And he just thought that- 

Whatever. 

He shouldn’t assume. He hates assumptions. He can’t be a hypocrite.

Assumptions just hurt in the end. 

‘…’

Whatever. 

So yeah, the Museum has some amazing pieces. They even have a costume institute (MET gala anyone?), so he’s been excited for the trip since it’s been announced. Especially since Yancy always gives them some time to explore on their own. Buddy system of course. Makes it better that one of the good teachers is leading the trip. Mr.Brunner.  He teaches the Latin course in Yancy, and makes Percy kinda regret learning Latin earlier. Latin is one of those classes that only has 2 parts to it, and therefore it takes just a year to take it all. It’s also one of those courses that are offered as an elective in the 5th grade. As a way to “simulate what middle school life would be like”. And was one of the harder classes to get into as a result. Really only the try-hards went for it. The nerds if you will. 

 

Crazy am I right?

 

Percy took it in the 5th grade. 

 

So yeah, he never had Mr.Brunner as a teacher before, but he is one of the teachers that helps out in the theater club he and Drew are in. And that’s how he knows he’s great. Not only that but he’s also one of the teachers in charge of making the readings more dyslexic friendly, and helps monitor testing accommodations. So in Percy’s  personal belief, he thinks he knows him pretty well for someone who never took a class with him before. Can’t say the same with Ms.Dodds. She’s a southern woman, from Georgia, and all he really knows about her is that he really likes her accent and that she wears a really cool leather jacket. She’s one of the teachers for Algebra 1, but Percy has the other one Mr.Poly. He’s like this, 6 foot blind guy. He’s really nice and always gives them sweets and talks a lot about his sheep. Even gave Percy a woolen sweater when it started to become cold, after he got a big hole in his old one, and he wasn’t able to replace it. Which totally didn’t make him cry.
He wears it all the time now. 

But yeah, that's all he knew about her. Also that she really likes staring at him, and Drew too. Which highkey is kinda a red flag. Every Time it’s her turn to monitor the halls, she always stares at them. And when it’s just him, she always looks confused. Maybe he reminds her of someone, who knows. Now you may be wondering, why is an Algebra teacher helping in this trip? Well Percy was wondering that too, only to find out that she was also the advisor for the Greek Club. Who would’ve known? Not Percy.

After both her and Mr.Brunner gave the planned schedule,and after the tour guide the school hired joined them, they slowly started to lead the group over to the Greco-Roman exhibit. Percy made sure to take as many fliers as he saw. What? He liked looking at them, and what if he forgets? Or he gets amnesia or something? Then he has something to trigger the memory of the day! Plus the tour guide encouraged them to take fliers of the information.Even went out of their way to point out their location with a tilt of their head, though nobody but Percy seemed to notice. Weird. Every few minutes they would stop in front of a statue, and Mr.Brunner and/or the Guide would give a run down on the history behind it, the significance, and the restoration efforts used. 

It was nice, it was cool, it was great. 

They eventually got to the saddest installation Percy saw yet, one that stopped him from moving forward as the rest of the class moved around him.. A piece that showed only one thing,  a man eating his children. The man's eyes wide, the body bloody from being torn under his teeth. It felt horrible to see and it made Percy nauseous. Those eyes, they looked so mad, as if they finally gave in. It made him want to cry.

“Percy?”

Why, why does it hurt to look at this? 

“Percy?”

Snapping out of the stare down he had with the painting, Percy looked behind him to see the look of concern on Drew’s face, her hand outstretched ready to offer it when he needed, already having some understanding on what was going on.

“Sorry, I don’t know what happened.” Taking the offer to grab her hand, giving it a squeeze. Without any words she reached with her other hand into her side pocket, offering him the sucker she found there before getting one for herself. Both standing there trying to get the wrapper off with one hand, before giving up and letting go of each other. All the while listening to the guide's explanation of the work before being interrupted by Nancy who whispered to her friends, “ I don’t know how this matters, it's not like any worthwhile job will ask you this.”, which got a laugh from some people, and made others upset. Percy being one of them, considering the museum worker is right there.

“I’m sure her family knows everything about worthwhile jobs” , Percy loudly told Drew, who only laughed while Nancy’s face only grew red. Everyone knows how Nancy’s family became famous and how much of a sore spot it is for her. Now, normally. Percy could really care less about someone’s family, wouldn’t even bring it up considering it’s inviting others to take a dig at his. But dang it,has she been pushing it this entire trip. 

“Mr.Jackson.” hearing the disappointed voice, Percy couldn’t help but roll his eyes. Please, he may be a good teacher, but it isn’t like he’s Percy’s teacher. So yeah he might get upset in disappointing him, but not by much. 

Turning over, he quickly got the sucker out of his mouth. Wrapping it in the old wrapper and tissue before hiding it in his hand. Drawing out a  “Yes?” 

“You know you're not supposed to be eating here”, shoot, “ AND you know that was a disrespectful thing to say.” 

Eye of death. Pshh. Please. He’s disappointed more important people than him. 

“Okay. And?” Shocked look, how hysterical. “She shouldn’t have started it. There’s a lot you can learn about history. There is a lot you can take in from that painting. And she shouldn’t have been making fun of stuff she doesn’t even understand.” Honestly, some of the people in their class had historians as parents. Famous for the books they wrote, or by their consulting job in major movie industries. 

“I’m glad you have such an appreciation for history, but that doesn’t mean you get to speak to people like that”. He wasn't too bad! Not his fault everybody knows what her mom did. Might have even seen the video. “He’s not apologizing if that’s what you want him to do” Drew spoke from his side. “It’s not like he said anything bad. He just made statements. It up to others to take it however they like”. Staring at both of them, Chiron soldiers only seemed to sag down in disappointment, which yeah it hurt to see. But what did he expect? 

 

“Alright then can you tell me what you see in this painting?”

 

Percy answers directly only for Chiron to ask for more. 

“Sad. That’s all I get from this. You had multiple kids right. And idk you’d think he’d give up on having them if his paranoia was so great. But he didn’t.”

“Didn’t what”

“Stop. He didn’t stop having kids. At some point I wonder, if maybe he did want them. But something kept happening to him. And he just lost it.” Feeling the stares from the people around him, Percy stopped and just sighed. “Or maybe he was someone who just enjoyed taking it out on his kids.”

 

It looked like Chiron wanted to continue asking questions, but the tour guide interrupted him. Stating that they should go ahead and get lunch if they want enough time to explore the museum.