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Letters to Nobody

Summary:

Clancy is stuck in a cycle of torture and brainwashing.

Torch is stuck in a cycle of not knowing if his boyfriend is going to be alive the next day.

Notes:

THIS IS ALSO CROSS-POSTED TO WATTPAD UNDER SOMEONESTOLEMYTOAST2. DO NOT DISTRIBUTE TO ANY OTHER SITE.

THIS FIC CONTAINS GRAPHIC DEPICTIONS OF VIOLENCE, GORE, SELF HARM, IMPLIED NON-CON, AND TORTURE. READ WITH CAUTION AND DOUBLE CHECK THE TAGS PLEASE.

Kudos and comments always welcomed and appreciated! (Please i like hearing your feedback in the comments it helps keep me motivated to keep writing)

Spotify playlist :3 : https://open.spotify.com/playlist/7m783GkHlYYK13AueWqfFZ?si=eCGM85oqRzOoAuJajblNtA&pi=-qxwELjJTROks

(See the end of the work for more notes.)

Chapter 1: Clancy

Chapter Text

They always took the letters I wrote, at least Keons did. I knew they were being burnt, but I at least had a letter from Torch, which I couldn’t stop reading.

 

Clancy,

If we’re separated again, I want you to hold onto this. I will wait for your return no matter how long it takes. I love you, and I’ll love you no matter what happens. The Banditos will welcome you back and I’ll be with them.

You are strong Clancy, and I’m so glad that I can share my life with you. Our connection is stronger than the Bishops think it is.

I love you.

- TB

Sotidnab era ew

 

I hid the letter under the bed in my cell as I heard footsteps. Another Good Day Dema broadcast.

I was brought out of my cell and dragged down a hallway before being thrown into the broadcasting room, then I was drugged, but that was the least of my problems. 

They needed me to seem happy, and I couldn’t act well enough. I had to entertain.

Torch wouldn’t leave my mind though, I missed him, I was staying alive for him.

Lisden and Sacaraver introduced me to the viewers, and I just complied with their questions. Even in my drugged state I never mentioned Torch, only things that would let him know that I wasn’t a traitor, even though the Banditos probably saw me as that now.

“Last broadcast we asked the viewers to send in questions for Clancy!” Lisden said, and I snapped back to reality. “Sacarver, do you want to read them?”

Sacarver nodded. 

At the end of every week they did a QNA with me, to use me even more. Maybe the neon gravestones weren’t such a bad idea after all.

“A resident of Keons’ district asked ‘what is your favorite color?’” 

I paused at that, it was yellow, the bishops couldn’t see yellow, but I said it anyway.

“Yellow.”

I remembered the yellow flowers that Torch would give me, and I accidentally said that out loud.

“He would give me yellow flowers.” 

The drugs were fully kicked in now, and I couldn’t think. 

I answered all the questions asked before the broadcast was over, and I was dragged back to my cell. I knew that something bad would happen to me because of what I said on Good Day Dema. 

I had about 4 hours until I was going to be exploited for my creativity again, so I might as well take a nap while I can and hope that the nightmares don’t torment me again.

It was easier said than done however.