Chapter Text
Ventus understood the chase now. He understood Vanitas in a whole new level. Longing. Yearning. It hurt, it's hold hard against his neck. So much so he couldn't think, breathe, move. Ventus understood why Vanitas was so desperate ten years ago, and so annoyed two after. Ventus didn't had a body of his own for twelve years, so he had been Light for more than a decade. Now, though, he was human. Aching. More dark than light, even if it was a secret.
Very open secret, but a secret nonetheless.
He didn't mind it.
What he did mind was the suffocating feeling of being incomplete. Of having everything and nothing at all. Of wishing for something he would never get. Part of him knew it was dumb to search. Vanitas didn't want to be found, he knew that. But Vanitas was his and Ventus wanted to know. He needed to. That was probably how Vanitas had felt for the better part of eleven years.
It was annoying how he couldn't concentrate in training, or words said to him, feelings, nothing. His mind shut down for most of it. Training felt like a chore. Gatherings felt like a chore. He felt as if drowning, like he was stuck.
Most times he figured he could deal with it alone. Sometimes he'd go to Isa — not a Guardian of Light, no. He hated the notion, for some reason. They would not understand. Isa did. Isa helped. Sometimes he'd go to Terra. It was quiet, between them. He'd sit beside Terra and just listen to the ocean below them. He noticed the changes Naminé had pointed out. She had said Xemnas was the body, that he had long hair and was always quiet and frowning, lost in thoughts.
Terra's hair was growing. Usually he'd cut it. He didn't. Not anymore. Xemnas had been the body, Ansem had been the heart. Terra always had darkness around him, Eraqus just subdued it and made them afraid of it. Xehanort exploited it. Neither did any good, nor did they tried. Terra looked at lot more like what Naminé described Xemnas was.
Maybe Terra understood. He just didn't spoke about it. That he too longed for something he shouldn't.
It was wrong, though. They both knew it.
Wrong to wish for someone that tormented them, used them, took from them. But Vanitas was his, was a part of him, half of what he was. It wasn't like Terra's and Xemnas' connection to each other. Vanitas had been him, a part of him, part of his very being, of his heart, of his soul. Not just the body.
Ventus wanted to be whole again. Like Vanitas did, years ago. Like he should have wanted too. Eraqus blinded him. Light had blinded him. He should have been angry — angrier than he had been. Not afraid of Xehanort, but angry at him. For taking. For using.
Ventus had managed to sneak away from Land of Departure without waking Chirithy too, and that was saying a lot on his behavior. Chirithy slept at daylight, and everyone was training outside. Ventus didn't slept, and Chirithy knew it, since they had been there for him, to catch his nightmares, to give him numbness, to stop the aching. They spoke in whispered tone, telling Ventus of a time he didn't remember, names he knew but had no faces to track.
He ended up in the last place he wanted to be, his mind taking him there anyway. Graveyard. He hated that place. The Badlands. Hated it, like he had hated Xehanort. It was the last time he had seen Vanitas. When he accepted they were one in the same, two sides of the same coin, never to join again.
He hated that place. The first place he saw when he woke up, nameless faces inside his mind, a hand that wasn't his but was him all the same choking his breath away. He hated that place, the memories it had, the lack of them too. Ventus knew he shouldn't bear these feelings, he just couldn't help it.
His fingers lingered on blades of users long gone, tinkering with the keychains, trying to figure out whom they belonged to, trying to put names in the faces he remembered. Faces in the names Chirity gave to him. Instead of walking in the crossroads, he entered the Graveyard, fidgeting with keychains and blades alike. Ventus lingered on one. Lost Memory.
He frowned. That was his. It had been put there fairly recent too. It was beside another one. It reminded Ventus of Sora's blade, except it was silver and violet, rusted, broken, torn, the keychain was also broken, half gone already. He slowly took the blade from it's position. A star. Very fitting. He put it back where it belonged. He shouldn't have moved it, really. It was the memory of someone long gone, so he definitely shouldn't. All that remained.
But he wasn't gone. He didn't understand why Lost Memory would be there at all. Did he left it there?
A hand sneaked around the hold. His. His. His.
He felt his stomach churn with anticipation, his breath unsteady, uneven, hitched. His. That was his. And the other one was Eph—
Ventus suck a hissed breath, his eyes closed shut from the headache. Then he felt it. The guilt.
He saw a body. Blood on the floor. The dead body of... Someone? A door. Light. A hand around his. Murmur. A smile, grinned, bloody teeth. His other hand taken. Whisper. Praise, though he couldn't quite make what it said. Something on his neck, not a hand but something liquid, descending, warm and sticky and annoying. And he wanted more of it. Bloody hand reaching out, touching his face.
He wanted more of it.
You did well. You did so well.
The stench of chemicals. A smile that didn't reach grey irises. Murmur. Something burnt. Something inside of him, broken. The taste of blood, the whispers. Something heavy, holding him down. Screams, distant, echoed, and the stench of blood. Something around his hand, reaching up, dragging him in, warm and disgusting and so, so inviting.
He wanted to take it away, to drown on it, to scream, to let go, to run away, to be craddled by it. Wanted it away from his hand and wrapped inside his soul instead. Wanted it gone, and in, in, in. His. His. His.
Good boy. Good boy. Good—
Ventus let go of Lost Memory. His mouth tasted like blood, bile and ashes, his hands were shaking. Somewhere, somehow, his knees had given out. He took deep breaths, trying to steady his heart. Something fell on his head, small, wet. Again, and again, and again. The sound of thunder finally got him thinking again. Ventus winced. What the hell? It never rained on the Graveyard.
Sure, ever since Xehanort and Sora were gone, the worlds structures had been affected.
But this? This one?
How was Sora even connected to The Badlands?
Then it wasn't raining. It was pouring down, hard and loud and Ventus grimaced at the sound of the rain hitting the old keyblades. They were shining, water running down the hold, cable and blades. Dusted old keyblades. Cleasing. That was what this was. The sky was cleasing the blood and rust away.
Ventus got up. He managed to walk away, find a cave in the Canyon and take half his armor away before he did threw up. He stumbled forward, away from blood and bile before he heaved, bent over and fell, hands over his stomach. It felt awful, so he didn't understood it when he started laughing.
It bubbled inside his throat and released almost maniacally. Ventus shut it down — tried to — by biting his lip, which only managed to make it worse. He did look maniac now. The cold of the dusted rocks beneath him made the headache bearable. Maybe he was dehydrated and hallucinating his own laughter. Ventus shuddered, one arm still warm from the armor around it and the other cold and shivering. Something moved, shifted, dragged the dirt around him. Ventus chuckled again, eyes closing. He wanted it gone, all of it, his body, his heart, everything. If only he could crawl back inside Sora's heart and leave everything behind again.
Maybe the words of Chirithy or his lack of memories were what made him hallucinate the hand pulling his head up and the golden eyes staring back at him, black eyebrow arched and almost mocking.
Ventus giggled. Vanitas blinked.
"Gods," Vanitas shook his head in clear disapproval. "What the hell is this about?"
He was so sure the Vanitas in front of him was a part of his brain that malfunctioned that he didn't bother taking his hand away, didn't bother with the snarl Vanitas gave him when he tapped the silver lined metal of his armor around his jaw, definitely didn't registered the bewildered look Vanitas gave him when his cold fingers crawled away from metal and into skin, lightly holding his cheek.
Vanitas didn't exactly move away, but he did slap Ventus' hand off him with annoyance.
"Going insane already?" Vanitas asked, crossing his arms.
Ventus blinked a few times. His smile faltered.
Oh.
Oh, that was Vanitas. Knelt right in front of him. Holding his head so he could look him in the eye.
That was Vanitas, found, safe and sound.
Ventus giggled, swallowed. Shook his head lightly. And then mustered all the strength he still had and punched Vanitas. Hard. Vanitas fell back and huffed, frowning, ready to get up and—
Ventus all but pounced on him. Warm, bloody teeth and angry scowl, armored fingers choking Vanitas, pining him on the ground, while cold knuckles found his mouth again and again. It was him and not him at all, empty headed and way too full of himself.
"You left me!"
Oh, that was rich. Vanitas didn't even try to kick Ventus away from him. He didn't knew if he would manage. This was fun. He never really got to see Ventus snap like that, and it made him feel way too justified with what he had said to him in the maze. They were one in the same. This was new, and it felt good to see pretty Venty-wenty get his hands dirty.
It wasn't anger, though, Vanitas knew anger all too well. It was abandonment. He let Ventus hit him, no magic and no blades. Vanitas felt tempted to just help him, hold him there so he'd hit harder. He didn't move, no. Not a single muscle.
Ventus kept repeating it, broken record, and Vanitas knew he truly believed it. You left me, you left me. Ventus had been holding to it for way too long. Vanitas almost pitied him. Almost. He didn't left. He never did. Didn't want to either. Ventus' hands were shaking, his eyes were glassy, and green, and he looked almost... Whole. Vanitas felt itchy, like he wanted to break something, take away, bite.
He felt Cure being casted, though he wasn't sure if he had casted it himself or if Ventus had.
"You left me, Ventus." Vanitas pointed out.
Ventus choked a bitter laugh. "You pushed me away."
Vanitas raised an eyebrow. "Did I?"
He wanted to break Ventus' fingers one by one.
"I wasn't the one hiding away in a chamber where no one could find me for twelve years, Ventus."
Ventus sat. Vanitas wanted to slap him. He left him there instead, over him, bloody knuckles, uneven breath, glassy eyes, blurred vision, half armored. He could break now and it wouldn't look as pitiful.
And so, so beautiful.
"You did it." Ventus growled. "Did I force your hand when you forced mine?"
Definitely, Vanitas definitely wanted to punch him. A slap wouldn't do it justice, though he was very sure it would bruise Cure after Cure anyway. He chuckled, low and forced and annoyed. Why did he bothered coming back? He hadn't want to.
He should punch Ventus. Cast Lightning. Would be pretty to watch him die like that. Revive him. Do it again. Would be really nice. Would scar afterwards.
"Clever you, then," Vanitas mumbled. "Wasn't as if Xehanort had me in a leash for twelve years."
"Didn't you had a mind of your own?" Ventus leaned over. "... Don't you?"
Vanitas narrowed his eyes. "Oh, I know what you're doing."
Ventus frowned. He wasn't doing anything, at least not that he noticed. He didn't want to do anything.
"Go ahead," Vanitas said, low, half amused. "Blame for your mistakes again. You always did."
Mist—
Ventus breath hitched again. His vision was a bit off. For a moment, Vanitas wasn't there at all. Yet he could still hear him, feel him. Something wet, and warm, and sticky, crawling against his fingers, over his neck. Inside his throat. Sliding inside the armor, choking him out. Bloody hand reached for him again, and Ventus leaned against it.
Shh.
If he whimpered, neither of them said anything.
Good boy. Good boy. Good—
A sigh.
Ventus breathed in and opened his eyes slowly. Vanitas held his hair with enough force to hurt, forehead to forehead. He could feel Vanitas' half breathes, like he didn't need air that much, like any normal human did. Vanitas shook his head again, dust moving ever so slightly beneath them both.
"Light blinded you, Venty," He hummed. "Isn't it good to see again?"
Ventus nodded absently. Vanitas slowly got up, Ventus still very much sit over his stomach, but he didn't care. Xehanort was way too stupid to realize what he had done. Sure, he had the ChiBlade in hand with them divided, but he didn't knew what Ventus had, why Darkness was so fond of him to the point of breaking and twisting around him, beneath him.
He had wished for Them.
If They couldn't have him, no one could.
And no one would.
Ventus was so compliant when he was out like that, Vanitas almost laughed. He could tell why blue haired babysitter was so desperate to keep him at bay, inside her Castle, on her side, on her sight, cradle him away from the world. Why Xehanort fought tooth and nail to have him back, to take from him, exploit, use. But Ventus wasn't hers to keep, nor was he Xehanort's to abuse. He was Theirs.
His. Himself. Theirs.
"Go home," Vanitas whispered to him.
Ventus simply blinked, eyes half closed, shoulders slumped, either taking slow deep breaths or short uneven ones, lips bloodied and parted ever so slightly. He was cold and shaking and annoyingly lightweight. He looked about to pass out. Pretty.
Mine, mine, mine, mine—
Ventus nodded, slow and slurred and he had half the mind to move up before he gave up and fell on Vanitas, gone entirely. Vanitas frowned. No, no, no. He wasn't going to get out because of his dumb counterpart. Here was safe, away from eyes and minds alike, here, with his long gone, dead friends. With the memories he had and Ventus didn't. Away from prying hands, away from ears perked up.
Away. And yet.
Go. Take him.
Vanitas grimaced.
Ours, ours, ours, ours, ou—
He got up, carrying Ventus like a sleepy child. Grabbed Lost Memory and opened a portal. He didn't bother to which world it would be as long as he could leave Ventus there. He didn't even bother with names, under the cloak of the Organization he didn't had to bother with most of these things. Ventus mumbled something. Only one of them had nightmares and that was not Ventus. Decidedly.
Where could he leave him? Vanitas hummed. He kept walking around the shadows of what he knew was the rat's stupid castle. He forgot the name of both the rat and the place. Maybe he could... No.
Ventus moved again, fingers twitching. Vanitas sighed. He could leave him there and let the duck take care of Ventus. Sure. Why not. He begun lowering Ventus when the blond opened his eyes. Still green. Yeah, no, that wouldn't do. Ventus made a pitiful little noise and moved his hand over Vanitas' eyes. He blinked. Ventus giggled. Vanitas shook his head. Right. Not only he was groggy, he was completely out of his mind.
"Hello?"
Vanitas all but jumped. He snarled at the duck wearing a light summer gown. He knew that one, he thought. Ansem wouldn't shut up about her. Danielle? Darcy? No, no. The one with the flower name. Daisy.
Streli—
Ven hummed. Vanitas slowly turned to face him again. Daisy waddled towards them. Vanitas forgot her as soon as she was out of his sight.
"Agh," Ventus said, coherently. Vanitas snorted.
"Do you need help, boy?" Daisy said over his shoulder and Vanitas closed his eyes, defeated.
If he attacked her, the rat would come after him. If he ignored her, the rat would come either way.
"Agh-ni," Ventus tried again.
"No," Vanitas said lowly. "He doesn't."
Daisy blinked a few times, eyed Vanitas, then Ventus. "Were you... Fighting?"
Oh, right, he forgot Ventus' armor. It was half undone. Ventus still had blood mixed with his saliva, drooling out of his mouth a little, and he definitely had blood on his left hand — the one he punched Vanitas over and over again. Vanitas narrowed his eyes at Ventus when he chuckled.
"Ight," Ventus said matter-of-factly. Blood crawled out of his mouth and he hiccuped. "Yeah."
Daisy shook her head. "Oh, my!" She turned to Vanitas, unable to see anything but his eyes and a bit of his black hair. "I will cast Cure on him, can you hold him still, please?"
Vanitas arched an brow. Hold him still for... Cure?
People in the Realm of Light were so dumb sometimes. He held Ventus' hand and made sure she saw it. Daisy gave him a reassuring smile and Vanitas fought the urge to roll his eyes.
She muttered some words of reassurance for Ven and then there it was, the faint green glow and the scent of sweetgrass. It changed scents from whom was casting it, Vanitas was aware, but this was the common one. Not adapted to her. Scholar, then.
Ven relaxed onto him, head on Vanitas' shoulder.
Daisy smiled softly at them. "You both can stay for the night, if you wish to. You both deserve to rest."
Vanitas was about to deny when Ventus mumbled.
"Stay."
That was an old, old thing. He hadn't heard the language being spoken for eons now. Only inside his memories. Only in the void filling his heart, when it wanted to mock him.
Only Darkness ever spoke to him in the forgotten language taught in the towers of Daybreak Town. He didn't even knew Ventus remembered it. Or could understand what he said at all. It gave him an itch.
"No," Vanitas said slowly, testing the waters.
"Mm." Ventus said, pathetically.
"Sorry?" Daisy tilted her head toward them. "What did you say?"
"He can stay if he wants to. I'm leaving."
Ventus frowned slightly. He shook his head no.
Daisy eyed Ventus. Then Vanitas, already up and ready to leave.
"Your friend wants you to stay," She said light and bright and so, so annoying.
Didn't the people of this Realm knew the word NO?
"Who—" A very high pitched voice came from behind them, at the end of the corridor.
Oh, great. Just great.
"Ventus!" The rat said and ran to—
Mine, mine, mine!
Don't touch him.
It'll ruin him! It'll ruin him, stop!
Stop, stop, stop—
Vanitas growled, low and inhuman in every way. Around them, the shadows turned darker, the air colder. The rat looked up, hands inches from Ventus' hair. He stared at Vanitas with wide eyes and mouth hung open. He then turned to Ventus and Daisy.
"You let them in?" The rat asked Daisy. She nodded, confused. "Him?!" The rat reinforced.
Daisy frowned. "Mickey," She said in a warning tone.
Stupid rat. Stupid fu—
"Ni," Ventus mumbled. Thank the Gods his eyes were closed.
It hit Vanitas like a brick in the head that Ventus was trying to call his name. While completely gone. He bit his lip, trying to hold back the little bubbles of giggles that were forming inside his throat. Not blue haired babysitter. Not stupid revived armor guy. Him.
"Here," Vanitas said flatly. Ven nodded.
Mickey stared at them, horrified. "You... You're Vanitas, yes? Xehanort's—"
"Ventus," Vanitas cut the King. "Call your babysitter. I'm leaving."
"You're supposed to be dead!" Mickey accused. It earned him a slap from Daisy.
Vanitas gave him a wry smile. "Supposed?"
Ven grumbled something that sounded way too close to Lost Memory for his liking. He patted the King's head and smiled softly, eyes still closed.
"Is he alright?" Mickey asked Daisy.
"I casted Cure on him, but he's yet to open his eyes."
Mickey glared at Vanitas. "What did you do?"
"Mickey!" Daisy dug her heels on the floor, loud and annoying and full of righteousness. "He brought the boy bleeding to our castle! Held him through it. Stop pestering him!"
"Oh, Daaaaiiii—"
And that was Vanitas' cue to leave for good. Donald.
"... Sy? Your Majesty?!"
Ven held his hand. Shook his head no. Slightly opened his eyes. Still green. Vanitas groaned.
"Vanitas!"
He crouched again. "I'm leaving. Back home. You know where you can find me, brother."
And he was gone, drowned in Ven's shadows before the heatwave of Donald's attack fully hit.
***
Aqua looked every last bit disappointed. Terra winced at the pacing Aqua was walking around the guest room Queen Minnie had let Ventus stay.
"You were gone for two days, Ven!" She said, heavy frown.
Naminé's hand found Terra's. He breathed in. "Aqua,"
"No sign of you anywhere. Do you know how worried you made us?"
Ven kept his head lowered the entire time. Like he was hiding. Maybe he was. Maybe he was angry.
Xion chipped in, treading lightly, Aqua was already doing too much. "A warning would have been nice,"
Ven's eyes snapped at her, glaring. The room fell into silence. Xion gave him a smile anyway.
"Uh..." Lea breathed in. "Donald said you were with... Vanitas? How come, buddy?"
Aqua put her hands over her heart and shook her head frantically. Terra and Naminé exchanged looks.
He was worried, yes, but not as much. According to Naminé, Even was planning to make replicas for every link gone from their hearts. Naminé only told him after a long conversation about Darkness and her time with the Organization. Everything he lost and what remained. The low humming inside his heart, the strange comforting feeling of loneliness.
It was no wonder Vanitas was back. He probably didn't even die in the maze. He was Darkness after all. Light prevailed, but it took Sora and left Vanitas. Balance, maybe. Comical and cruel and so right anyway. A world without balance could not exist, and to have balance, each world needed light and dark, like all human beings. Or most of them.
"He found me," Ventus said, eyes not once leaving Xion. It made Terra's skin crawl.
He looked about to jump. Like a predator watching his prey, waiting for a single mistake to pounce over.
"That's... Not good, actually," Lea mumbled.
Ven's eyes slowly but surely left Xion and focused on Lea instead. The redhead's shoulder went up.
"He didn't do anything." Ven said very slowly, deliberately slow actually. Almost mocking.
Naminé lowered her eyes and tugged at Terra's hand. They slowly left the room when Aqua started her inquisition again. Terra gave Naminé a worried look, both eyebrows up in a silent plea.
"He's not lying," Naminé said, and Terra sighed in relief. "But he's not telling everything."
Terra opened his mouth, then closed it. "Pressing over it won't help, will it?"
Naminé nodded. "It won't. He needs time."
Terra nodded to himself. "I wish Aqua would listen... Thank you, Naminé, truly. Will you... Well..."
Naminé smiled softly. "I'll visit the Labs. Kairi. See how they're treating her Heart."
Terra sighed. "Thanks."
"I'll tell Ienzo about your questions." She said, turning to the corridor.
Terra smiled, half worried half relieved. He knew she'd not tell anyone he was the one asking about the hold of Darkness in one's Heart and the fusion of two hearts in one completely new. If both memories would be gone or not. He just needed to be sure. It would not only help him but Ventus as well. They both needed whatever it was the answer.
"Terra?" Xion called him, low. "Axel and I, we're leaving. Aqua calmed down."
Terra nodded. "Thank you for warning us where he was... Those were difficult nights."
"Yeah, no worries, bud." Lea patted his shoulder. He snickered. "You should dye your hair white."
Terra's mouth hung open and Xion slapped Lea in the arm. "Don't take it serious, sorry."
"No, no," He chuckled nervously. "It's... Hm. Maybe I should."
Lea beamed at him. "Right! Would you mind if called you Termnas?"
And he ran from Xion's hands, down the corridor. Terra shook his head with an amused smile creeping down his face. It was more than him that felt it. The low humming intensified a little before it subdued to half silence again. He wished he could speak with it.
Terra entered the room again. Aqua was holding Ven's hands with hers, muttering reassuring words while Ven's breath hiccuped and hitched and—
He's crying.
Ven rarely cried. Terra knelt over. "What happened?"
"I... I don't know!" Aqua looked at him, lost. "He said he wanted to go home, and I offered us to go back home and he... Just started crying. Said I didn't understand what he meant. I... I don't know."
Terra grabbed their hands on his. "Ven?"
Ventus winced, swallowed, shook his head. "It's wrong..."
"What is?" Terra asked softly.
"This."
Terra eyed Aqua. Her eyes glistened with worry.
He tried again. "Why?"
Ven breathed in, hitched and broken and wet. "Just is. I want..."
"You want...?" Aqua tried, eyes darted between Ventus and Terra, worried and guilty and fragile.
Ventus just shook his head no again, frail.
"Brother."
Terra froze. Aqua jumped, they looked at each other, both trying to figure out what had been said. The word held so much venom, yet didn't made any sense for them as they tried to translate it. It felt like a spell and a curse at the same time.
Aqua glared at the door. At Vanitas, at least that they both knew who it was. Vanitas had lowered the hood of the Organization cloak, eyes bright and shining in the dark. But they weren't yellow.
Green, bright in the dark corners of the room, reflecting, odd and confusing. Vanitas had his arms crossed, the metal around his jaw glistening with the low light of the room and the moon outside. He looked like divinity — like divine punishment.
He tilted his head. "I taught you better than that."
Terra frowned and Aqua moved, letting go of their hands.
"You didn't—" She started.
"But you never learn." Vanitas ignored her. "Stop crying. Get up."
Ven breathed in, uneasy, uneven, eyes closed. Aqua's eyes snapped back at Ventus, worried and confused and definitely horrified. Terra didn't move. Ventus slowly opened his eyes. Bright. Green met green. Aqua gasped and put her hands over her mouth. Terra stumbled backwards. This was... Wrong.
"Good." Vanitas snickered. "Good boy."
Ven's eyes went wide. He opened his mouth, but nothing came. One last tear descended. Terra held him by the shoulder, but he felt like a ghost of sorts. He didn't matter, nor did Aqua.
Vanitas took his eyes away from Ventus, finally regarding the Guardians, eyes nothing but mocking.
"You don't know him." He said, low, venomous. "You never will. Don't bother trying."
Ven frowned a little. Aqua snapped, running towards the door, keyblade in hand, but Vanitas was gone, away in shadows. Terra held Ven's hand for a moment longer before he let go and walked to Aqua, hand on her shoulder. He gave her a little squeeze before letting go. Aqua sighed.
"He should be gone, like Xehanort." She whispered.
Terra didn't had the heart to tell her about balance. Not now. He nodded slowly. Cupped her cheek.
"We'll be fine. All of us."
Aqua nodded, sighed, shifted, hugged him.
The humming grew a little louder. Ventus tugged his blouse. It grew louder. He hugged Ventus too.
***
Ven had always been alone on his missions to collect Lux. His mind dwelled and wandered astray, and the people of— didn't liked it that much.
But he had the shadows. Of buildings, of other people, of Fountain Square. Of his home. Da—
"I sure wish I had friends."
He had the shadows. And he had himself. And Master A— Her hands were soft, her voice was quiet, calm and soothing. Her smile—
Looked at lot like Vanitas'.
Br—n smiled at him, but it never reached his eyes. Grey, dull eyes. He had warm hands, at least. Sk—d had warm hands too. Br—n always tucked him to sleep, specially after... Well. Lau—am did as well. He liked Lau—am, really did. It was the closest thing he had to a brother. Or something else. He didn't really knew, he didn't remember his family much.
Until Stre—
He woke up. Chirithy stared back at him. "Ventus?"
"Yeah?" He breathed out.
"You're remembering!" They cheered. "I don't know how, but your memories are coming back!"
"Are... Are they?" Ventus frowned.
He didn't remember anything, just... Lapses. Something, not nothing, but it didn't felt big. He felt guilty, ashamed, small, fragile. Whatever it was that he remembered, Chirithy took, so he wouldn't have it. It was a nightmare, probably. Just that. Not memories. Just nightmares and soft hands and—
Chirithy held his hand. "You remembered Brain!"
Who? Ventus nodded slowly. "I guess."
"And Lauriam!" Chirithy chuckled, amiable, happy and innocent and... Ventus couldn't help it.
"Did any of them pulled pranks on me?"
Chirithy was quiet. Very much so. For a long while.
"No," They said.
Ventus frowned. "Are you sure?"
"Yep."
Something sticky and warm, running down his neck, crawling up his arm. Labored breathing against his ear. Good boy, good boy, good boy. Biting, growling, holding, squeezing his throat, dragging up his arm, tasting, warm and strange and—
Ventus stared at Chirithy for a long, quiet moment. "Right, then. I, uh... I'm not sleepy anymore."
"I'd guess so, you look wide awake!" Chirithy chipped, quiet happiness oozing out of them. "Before you go wandering around again, do warn your friends. They were worried."
Ventus nodded. He got out of the room, he wasn't even wearing his jacket, just his blouse and waistcoat. Not even his armor. He walked around the library, the training grounds, all the way to Terra's room. It was far away from his and Aqua's. He had been isolating himself for a while now, ever since he came back from Xehanort's hold. Sometimes Aqua would stay with him, but it wasn't as frequent as it had been before... Well, everything. Ven sighed.
Terra opened up before Ven even knocked. He blinked down at Ven, eyes half open. Terra didn't usually wore cloaks, but he was. Black coat over white button up blouse and grey pants. One sock was grey and the other was nowhere to be seen. There was something, a paper of sorts, stuck on his hair.
"Hey, Ven." Terra whispered, slurred. He caressed Ven's cheek with his fingers, soft and distant. Like he was admiring a statue and not his friend.
Terra didn't look like himself, but he definitely sounded like the Terra Vantus knew. "Going out?"
Ven almost fell asleep right there. He stumbled backwards and Terra chuckled, low. Ventus blinked furiously, trying to keep his eyes open. What the hell was that? Terra wasn't— He nodded, swallowing his questions and his confusion away.
"Right," Terra mumbled, hand sliding to Ven's neck. "Kay... You're coming home today, still?"
Ven felt his chest tightening, Terra's fingers sent shivers down his spine in the worst way possible. Too calm, too distant, too absent. He wanted out.
"Pro... Probably not." Ventus managed. It stung.
Terra gave him a small nod of acknowledgement. "Right. I'll tell Aqua."
Ventus breathed out. "Thanks."
Terra smiled, little, distant, sleepy. "Go on, you look like you need it."
He did. Gods, he did. Chirithy was hiding something from him and there was only one way to figure what it was without unlocking his Heart — Sora wasn't there to keep him, Kairi wouldn't be able to bring him back from becoming a Heartless and Roxas didn't need another clone. Neither did Ventus.
When he got to the Badlands, he realized he should had brought his jacket. Eh, it didn't matter as much. This time, it wasn't raining. It was cold at night, though, but not as bad as when it had rained. Ventus went to the Graveyard and walked between the blades, trying to find at least something that could make him remember. Lost Memory wasn't there anymore, a hollow space to be filled. Hm. Vanitas took it, for sure. No one else knew about it.
He kept wandering around the place where the dusted silver and violet blade was. He didn't knew the other ones, but it didn't really matter. There had to be something else that got to him, had to be. Something to stirr him, to make him remember. He walked a little further up the Graveyard, fingers wandering around keychains that had been long broken and gone. Dust gathered between his nails.
Ventus never bothered to understand why the shape of the Graveyard was... A square? A square with a huge cross on the middle, that was. He chuckled. Maybe that was why Xehanort was so obsessed. X marks the spot. Ventus froze. There was more than one key missing. Four? Five?
About five, that was right.
He turned around. The middle of the crossroads. He could see it from here, clear as day. A hole, covered, deeper than the rocky sand and broken soil. Foreign, but there for so long the dust of the desert had gathered over it. But from this exact spot he could see it. Ventus looked around, just to confirm which blades he was close so he wouldn't lose this spot if he got out. Flowery rusted golden blade and dull, rusted light blue with golden hold and keychain. Okay. The first reminded him of Kairi.
Right. He could do it. He could get out. Ven ran. Used Wayward Wind to carve around the space he had seen. He dug and dug and dug and—
Liquid, bubbling around, on the ground. It was pitch black, moved like oil, gathering around his blade. It wasn't even far down the hole either. Ven grimaced. He kept digging, not bothering to clean his blade. Distantly he thought that maybe if he used magic he would do it faster. He didn't. Somewhere in between, he started using his hand as well, kind of desperate. Whatever was hidden down there was a real secret. Something the old Keyblade wielders knew about and he needed to know.
He didn't remember Eraqus or Xehanort mentioning any of this. Probably because it stuck and stung and clung desperately to his skin. Xehanort liked stuff clean, he was as paranoid as Eraqus in that regard. He didn't knew one single Master that didn't bother with sterile cleansing. Even Terra was a bit like that, but he had been raised by Eraqus so he could only guess what fears were passed down to him.
Aqua was like that too, so was Riku, and Merlin, and YenSid. Mickey had been the least worried.
It was fine. He could manage. He had never really bothered with cleanliness and he didn't care to get hands dirty. A bit of the pitch black... Thing stuck on his hair and Ven just knew he'd look horrible when he got home. Half his arms were drowned on that, whatever it was, his blade was entirely consumed by now, his pants too were dirty — and kind of wet.
Something hit his nail hard. It felt way too smooth to be a rock, textured too. It didn't felt organic in the way rocks were. It felt like leather. Ven tilted his head. Leather... Box? He tapped it. Yeah, definitely a box. A shiver ran down his spine. Maybe it wasn't a box, maybe it was a casket. Coffin. Leather coffin.
He chuckled, biting his lip. Whatever it was, he found it, something that would help him remember.
Liquid bubbled up again. Higher. Like the ocean tide. Ven felt dizzy. Okay. He should get away. His hand felt warm and the liquid wasn't going down. It crawled up, clung to his hands, nails. Warm and strange. Kept moving around his arm, slowly creeping up. It stung and stuck, moving on it's own.
Very much alive. Ven swallowed. He stared at Wayward Wind beside him. The liquid was on the floor, acting like normal liquid and not like tendrils crawling and squeezing. Ventus breathed in.
He pushed it down his arm. It felt sticky. He grimaced again, half disgusted, half amused. It followed a lazy, sleepy pattern, he noted, eyes widening a bit. Like waves. It felt sticky but it had a really nice scent. He couldn't pinpoint where he had smelled it before, but it was sweet and citric.
He shouldn't do it. Definitely not.
Ven stared at his hands. Dirt, blood and whatever it was that liquid. He shouldn't do it. He could die.
He was curious. Very, very much.
A foot hit his head before he could do it. Ven let out a groan. He didn't bother to look up, he knew who it was. Only one person greeted him with that much aggression. And in these lands? Yeah. Only one.
"What the hell—" He hissed at Vanitas when he crouched down beside him.
He held Ventus' hands with a surprising amout of gentleness. His words were nothing but.
"Are you insane?"
Ventus blinked. "... No,"
Vanitas raised an eyebrow. "I see why Xehanort and Eraqus gave you a babysitter."
Ventus gaped at him, offended. "Aqua is not my babysitter, she's my friend!"
Ven felt bad that he knew who was implied to be his babysitter, but he felt justified to clarify anyway.
Vanitas just stared at him, unimpressed. "Oh, right." He said flatly. "I'm your babysitter."
Ventus opened his mouth to protest, but Vanitas put up the most disturbingly accurate imitation of Sora's voice. "Oh no! There goes Venty-wenty, almost eating a World's Core just for funsies!"
He stared, forced smile and all of Sora's movements copied to a terrifying degree. "Gotta make sure my brother doesn't die by consumption of raw magic!"
Ventus didn't realized he was smiling until Vanitas snarled at him and clicked his tongue, pushing down the black liquid off Ventus' hands with steady hands and focused eyes. Ventus kept staring at him until the words clicked inside his head. World's Core?
That was a box, maybe a coffin.
Raw magic.
"How... When did you learn that?" Ventus frowned at him, watching as Vanitas kept dragging the liquid down his arm. It kept coming up anyways.
"I'm a part of it, Ventus," Vanitas said matter-of-factly. "Every world has Darkness embedded to it. That's how I know."
That definitely wasn't how neither Dark or Light worked. Or at least not how they learned how to use it. Ventus narrowed his eyes. Learned. With Eraqus, that was. He had a feeling Vanitas wasn't talking about being an entity of Darkness but a wielder in general. Ventus kept his thoughts to himself.
Ventus watched as the liquid moved up again, lightly. Vanitas pushed it down. Ventus took one of his hands away, Vanitas didn't bother to take it back. Ventus stared at his own hand. Warm, sticky, kind of gross, nicely scented, almost inviting.
Almost like home.
"Do you remember home?"
Oh, he was so dead. Vanitas went still. His eyes moved up from Ven's hands to his eyes. Gold met Sapphire, but Vanitas didn't seem annoyed.
It was quiet amusement, like how Xehanort would stare at him when he coughed blood and tried to reach for his memories and protect himself, fighting off the pain and grieving, the remorse he didn't understood, the feelings he was so sure he had to keep hiding but he couldn't shrink it back inside.
"Do you?" Vanitas shot back.
Ventus looked down at his hand. He felt dizzy, chest compressed, tired. So, so tired.
"I remember Fountain Square," Ventus said. "How people gathered there. Can't remember names, most faces are just blurred colors. Towers. A bell..."
"The sun," Vanitas muttered.
Ven smiled a little. "Yeah."
Vanitas stared at him for a while. Then he shook his head and begun cleaning Ventus' arms again.
"You were less annoying back then."
Ventus sighed. "Really? That's what you—"
"Small," Vanitas ignored him. "Different kind of edge, I guess. Very lonely. You didn't care about it as much as you do now."
He dug his nails onto Ven's skin. It would bruise, surely. Ventus bit back a hiss.
"You reeked of self loathing back then. You were easier to deal with, easy to tease."
Ventus bit down his lip harder. That did sound very much himself. But Vanitas talked about him as if he was an outsider, and not a part of him back then.
"Where were you?" Ventus asked quietly.
"Around you," Vanitas shrugged. "Waiting. Listening."
"For what?" Ventus tasted blood and let go of his very much bruised lip.
Vanitas stared at him, quiet, somber. Not his usual glare, but reverently, almost. As if visiting the grave of an old friend, the grave of someone important.
"Order." Vanitas said.
"From... What? Darkness?" Ventus asked half joking.
Vanitas simply nodded and looked down at his arm, rolling his eyes when he noticed the liquid coming up again. He mumbled something Ventus didn't catch, but Ventus wouldn't have listened anyway.
So Xehanort hadn't taken his other half away. He had taken his core and broken it.
Not his Heart, but his Gods be damned Soul. Not the Station of Waking but what made it be the way it was, the structure itself and both Light and Darkness inside it. Xehanort had opened a door he didn't knew how to close, and Ventus didn't knew if Xehanort wanted it closed. Sora had saved his Heart by mending his Station of Waking, not with Light, with his Presence instead. With Life.
How long did Vanitas had been laying around with that information? How much worse was being alive with that information and being manipulated into forging something as terrifying as a World Weapon?
No one deserved it. Not him, not Sora, not Vanitas.
"Why didn't you leave me?" Ventus asked in a whisper.
Vanitas tilted his head. "Why would I?"
"You could."
"I can."
Ventus nodded. Vanitas didn't need permission.
Vanitas scoffed. "You know how hard it is to find a willing vessel?"
Vessel.
Ventus snorted lightly. "Is that what you are?"
"What we are, yes." Vanitas snarled at the liquid. He said something in a strange language.
The liquid fell, as if finally understanding it was supposed to be liquid. Ventus felt cold all of sudden. He flinched away from the hole he had dug.
"I didn't ask for this." Ventus frowned. "None of it."
"You accepted it." Vanitas said, getting up. "If you stick your hand inside that again, I'm kicking you in."
Chapter 2: Rain
Notes:
The fact that I wrote these two chapters in one go definitely says something about me, I just don't know what it's saying skfnemfkdmd
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Ventus didn't ventured off again for a good while. He felt compelled to stay at Land of Departure after discovering The Badlands' core. Aqua was relieved that he decided to stay for good, that when he did went to another world, it was to visit Isa and Roxas
But even to Aqua, there was something wrong, something off, like Ventus was on edge for something and she didn't knew what it was.
Neither did Terra, and that was quite telling.
It had been two months. Ventus was fine, really. He was just curious. In the Badlands, the core had been in the exact middle of the Graveyard, in the crossroads. He wondered where the core of the other worlds were, if they had a signal like that too. They were in Twilight Town for a gathering. Isa had made lunch, everything had been going smoothly.
Until dessert. Ventus did crave something sweet, he just didn't knew what it was.
It was warm. Warmer than the day had any right to be, but the worlds were all affected by the missing Light, the first, the last. Twilight Square was blooming with life and all sorts of people. It reminded him of home. His home, before Land of Departure.
"It's warmer than usual," Olette voiced what Ventus had thought. "Kinda late to see the beach too."
"Ice cream?" Pence asked eagerly.
"Tart!" Olette jumped. "Oh, oh! We can get Naminé to take out our vision and we can figure what it is by taste!"
Xion sighed and chuckled. "I don't think that would work,"
"Oh, please!" Hayner dismissed her with a wave. "Afraid to lose?"
"You sound like Seifer now," Pence mumbled.
"Oh, shut up!" Hayner grimaced.
Lea and Isa exchanges looks. Silent conversation. Apparently Isa losed. He sighed and shrugged.
Lea gave him a devious grin. He turned to the teens.
"We can hide the desserts, and you have to find the exact ones you want. No cheating."
Aqua shook her head lightly. "That sounds a bit convoluted."
"Sounds fun," Terra said taking a seat at a bench in the Square. "Wanna go, Ven?"
Ventus kept staring at one specific spot in the shadows of the bench. It shouldn't be a shade darker like that. It was almost like something wished to crawl out of the floor and jump on him.
"Ven?"
He looked up and smiled. "Yeah, sure."
Aqua and Terra glanced at each other. Terra shrugged. Aqua gave up. "All right, then. Go ahead!"
Ven got up, took of his jacket and fold it neatly beside Terra. And then he took off, ran toward Lea and Xion. Aqua sit beside the jacket.
"He's acting weird again," She started.
"Not really," Terra crossed his arms, closed his eyes and went slack on the bench. "He's just figuring stuff out. We were locked out of normalcy for twelve years, Aqua, and even before that, he wasn't... You know, he'd scream randomly at anything, afraid of his own shadow for months."
Aqua tapped her thighs. "But then he was normal,"
"Maybe for us, yeah," Terra shrugged. "We don't know what's inside his head."
Aqua was silent then, for a long moment. She slowly turned her head toward Terra.
"You know something I don't."
Terra opened one eye. "No?"
"Yes, you do."
He breathed in and giggled lightly. "No, that's just what I believe, Aqua. Twelve years of nothing is too much. He's a kid. Let him figure things on his own."
Aqua tilted her head. "If he gets hurt..."
"We tend his wounds." Terra stared at her. "Ventus has his own mind, you should trust him a little more."
Aqua narrowed her eyes. "You do know something."
Terra gave her an amused look. "Why are you acting like you told everything we did to master Eraqus?"
Aqua stared at him, blankly. Then slowly, as the tip of her ears became a shade darker, she hid her face with her hands and huffed, shaking her head.
"Okay," She mumbled after a while. "Okay, yeah. You're right."
Terra chuckled. "See? We don't need to be there for everything. Like Eraqus wasn't."
Aqua stared at him through her fingers. "You're impossible."
Terra shrugged, closing his eyes again. They sit there in silence for a few minutes, the people of Twilight Town wandering around them, unbothered. There were more children there now, as if the worlds had healed from Darkness entirely in just a few months, but Aqua knew it wasn't true.
People just had lives oustide all the fighting, the constant vigilance and most humans weren't as aware as them. In the back of her mind, one very specific memory kept coming up — now that Terra had dragged it to the forefront of her mind, it would not go away for sometime. The one thing she had never told Master Eraqus. Aqua wrinkled her nose.
Isa came from the Clock Tower, hands on his pockets and face unreadable. "You both should come with me."
Terra raised an eyebrow. "Are they giving Lea trouble?"
"No, not them," Isa stared at Ventus' jacket. "Your kid is."
Aqua frowned. Terra sighed, exasperated. They got up. She didn't understood how Isa and Terra had become such good friends, but it didn't really bothered her as much. At first it did, now it was an afterthought. Either he was speaking of Ventus or Naminé. Terra had taken her under his wing after he came back from Xehanort's hold. Pacifier much.
Whatever it was, if Xion wasn't sent to gather Aqua as well, then it really wasn't her deal to interfere. Probably wasn't Xion's either. Aqua's brows creased a little. At least Naminé was easier than Ventus. She simply followed behind Terra, still shaking her head with slight disapproval. Not that he was wrong, no. It was that he was way too correct about it. She should trust Ventus more, and she shouldn't pry on him much, she had hated when Eraqus did that to her.
She also didn't like that Terra was the one to point that out. They weren't that close when they were younger, most children on Land of Departure weren't that close to him. Eraqus' golden boy. Maybe that was why he was so carefree with Ventus — and why he had ran away the moment Darkness got to him.
Aqua stopped for a second. They did get close at that time. Way too close. Once. Aqua took one deep, frustrated breath. He shouldn't have mentioned it, now the memory would haunt her again for weeks.
Isa's home was plain, nothing grand. But it was a home alright, with the handlers filled with jackets and hoodies of the kids, his coat, Lea's, someone's waistcoat, the blue jacket of a suit. Footwear everywhere, a skateboard — definitely Roxas', some pictures on the wall and over their counters. A small corridor that had a stair at the end, leading up.
Two rooms on the first floor — Lea's and Isa's, a bathroom, the kitchen and the living room. The second floor was definitely where the kids slept.
Everyone was gathered at the living room, some looking quite happy with their desserts and really not paying attention to anything else — Roxas, Pence, Hayner and Lea — and some looking apprehensive, like they were waiting to get scolded.
Xion swallowed hard when Aqua tilted her head.
"So," Isa said and Lea jumped, blinked, glared. "Catch."
Lea grumbled, sighed. "Fine. But dinner's yours!"
Isa shrugged. "Go ahead."
Lea let out a frustrated sigh and earned a slap from Naminé and a head shake of disapproval from Xion.
"Kay. Look, Termnas, I didn't do anything," Lea begun.
Termnas? Aqua turned to Terra, inquisitive. He shrugged lightly. Hm. She'd look more into that later.
"Homeboy started spasming when we found him," Lea got up. "He was... Uh." He looked around, suddenly very aware of the teenagers at his side. "Adult business. Come here."
Terra raised an eyebrow at Lea, turned to Aqua, and she stared at Isa. He nodded and waved at the corridor, walking pass them and into the kitchen. Lea was walking upstairs with Terra following when Xion grabbed Aqua's hand and pulled her over to Lea's room. She looked a bit embarrassed.
"Did you know his eyes glow green when he..." Xion waved a hand around, as if that explained anything.
"When he...?" Aqua made the same motion. "What?"
Xion giggled nervously. "Uhm... It's not really my place, but, uh, was he always pent up like that?"
Aqua stared at her, gaping. That was one way to put it, for sure. She cleared her throat.
"He's been off for a while," Aqua gave in. "But that doesn't mean he's—"
Xion gave her a very telling smile.
Aqua's eyes went wide. "He... Didn't do anything to you guys, did he?"
"No, no!" Xion shook her hands furiously. "No, that's actually the opposite of what happened."
"So, what did happen?"
Xion looked way too embarrassed, which was contracting what she had just said. Aqua took one of her hands to her and gave her an eager but reassuring nod. Xion breathed in, deep breaths.
"You could say he, uh, needed a change of clothes... Somehow... I wasn't there. Lea found him, he was taking a while to figure out where his dessert was, but then Lea came back gesturing and pulling Isa to the Clock Tower, when Roxas asked he just said it was adult stuff and then they came back with Ven." Xion sat on Lea's bed as she was speaking.
With each sentence, Aqua's face turned a shade paler. Change of clothes? Adult stuff? And Lea did say he was spasming, which was concerning to say the least. Did... Ventus hurt himself again? Aqua hoped not. She really did.
"Naminé tried to speak with him. Let's just say he wasn't speaking much." Xion tucked a bit of her hair behind her ear. "Not anything coherent, that is."
"Thank the Stars Lea found him, then," Aqua murmured. Xion nodded. Aqua sighed. "You don't need to worry about it, whatever it was. Green eyes is better than nulled ones. It happened before."
Xion stared at her, curious. "Oh, so it's... Normal?"
"No," Aqua admitted. "It's not. But it is better than screaming."
Xion stared at her, quiet. Aqua frowned. She waited.
"... He did. A little. That's why Lea found him."
Aqua breathed in. What did Terra said? They didn't need to be there for everything? Maybe he was wrong after all.
"Thank you for telling me, Xion," Aqua hugged her.
"Terra would tell you anyway, I just thought... Maybe he wouldn't say the right words. You guys are dealing with a lot of stuff now."
Aqua snorted. "Maybe he wouldn't tell me at all."
"Really?" Xion frowned. "Aren't both of you Ven's caretakers?"
"Yeah," Aqua agreed. "He just feels like we're doing too much."
Xion's frown deepend. "Huh,"
"What?"
"That's..." Xion bit her lip and released it. "Xemnas used to be like that, too. As long as we were doing what was told, the methods didn't really bother him."
That, again. Aqua sighed, tired. "So I've been told."
A knock on the door. They eyed each other. Ven opened it, slowly. Blue, crystal eyes stared at them.
"Hi," He said slowly. "Can we go home?"
Aqua smiled. "Sure thing. Bye Xion!"
Xion waved at them.
Aqua was glad to go back home. They needed to talk, all three of them. Alone.
***
Ventus knew where Isa had hidden his share of dessert, he could practically smell it already. He ran to the Clock Tower with a mischievous smile. He'd definitely be the first to figure it out. It was so easy.
He spent at least two minutes there before he found it. Apple pie. Heh. It really had been easy. He saw Olette running around, still trying to figure out where her dessert was, after a few seconds Roxas and the other ones came too.
Ventus giggled to himself. Isa knew him way too well, his slice sweet and just a bit sour. He hid in the Clock room, watching as the machines went on, savouring his slice, away from the sun and the noise of the city below him, hiding in the corner of the room, where the shadows were darker.
Just like before.
Ventus blinked the stray thought away and relaxed, head on the wall. It had been a while since he walked around alone. Ventus chuckled to himself. It had been twelve years, really. There was something itching against his spine. He didn't bother, closing his eyes instead. It was persistent and annoying, but it wasn't peace breaking. Ven breathed in, dust and stillness filling his lungs. He wasn't quite as used to this kind of quiet yet. With murmurs beneath him.
Just like before.
Something stung him. Ventus furrowed his brows lightly, and yet he didn't move away. No, he leaned in instead. Leaned until his eyes hurt with the pain, until his fingers twitched. It was awful. He breathed in again, slow, counted. Then out. The pain was still there, but it stung less now. Was he bleeding? Ventus didn't knew. It felt good, though. Ventus shook his head and wrinkled his nose. No, no. Stray thought again. It didn't felt good, it wasn't supposed to. Pain wasn't supposed to be good.
You accepted it.
Willingly, Vanitas has left unsaid. Ventus slowly opened his eyes again. There was something watching him in the far end of the room. Red eyes, taller than the door frame. More than two eyes, that was. A multitude of red and yellow stared at him. He stared back, almost hypnotized, moving his head to this side and another, watching in awe as the eyes moved back at him. Strange, so so strange. He wondered if they could speak.
If he could understand them.
One of them moved. It was almost Ven's height. Waddled to him, fell and disappeared. Ven blinked. They looked a little like Heartless. They looked a little like Unversed too. Like a fine blend of them both.
Ventus didn't move right away. They were Unversed, he noticed. The little shadowy figures kept coming from the far end of the room, crawling toward him with wobbly little feet. He snorted at the effort. If they didn't possessed people, they'd be kind of cute, really. If they just lived on their own.
He lazily reached for one's paw. It reached back and squeaked. Ventus giggled. The other ones came in flocks, all curious little bundles of Darkness and Vanitas' feelings, Ventus knew. They all squeaked when they came in contact with him, wobbly paws fighting each other for space within Ventus' lap.
"There's space for everyone," He muttered. "Hey, stop fighting, there's Ventus for everyone."
A few of them did obliged and stopped moving. The majority kept crawling up his stomach, trying to reach for his neck, for his face. They kept making squeaky sounds, not particularly loud or annoying, just funny, like newborn kittens. Last time he had seen them was when Xehanort forced them to join.
You accepted it.
Ventus didn't really noticed when they started biting. He didn't even knew they had... Fangs? It didn't hurt, not really. It didn't broke skin yet. Little paws started digging on his clothes and Ventus giggled, eyes glistening with anticipation. He did expected them to have claws. They kept digging, until claws and fangs broke skin. He hissed and closed his eyes when he felt and saw blood, but he didn't moved them away, nor did he tried to get off their little claws.
"Nhom?"
He chuckled, eyes still closed. "Hi,"
"Nhom!"
One of them bit somewhere particularly sensitive and Ventus grimaced. Okay. Maybe he should move. Ventus grabbed one of the slower ones. It kept digging it's claws on his forearm. Ventus tilted his head, the Unversed did the same, red eyes shining.
It's little snout was covered in blood.
Ventus pouted.
"You," He said. "Bit me way too hard, mister."
"Nhom?"
Ventus shook his head no. "You're grounded."
"Nhom...?"
"Grounded. No more biting for you."
It pounced. Ventus laughed when it bit his neck.
"Okay, okay!" He tried to move up, finally noticing just how many of them there were. "Get off me."
They kept mounting, biting and clawing at him. And more kept coming in. Ventus breathed in, gasped for air, lungs and body heavy. This was bad, this was so bad. He didn't say anything else until his vision doubled over. They kept biting on his neck. There was something terribly wrong with him. He found it funny. They weren't attacking. They were playing.
When he focused again, golden eyes stared at him, unfazed.
"You look awful."
Ventus closed his eyes. "Go away,"
"Weren't you having fun." Vanitas said flatly.
Ventus breathed in. He was about to tell him off, but then something clicked. Vanitas crossed his arms. Ventus slowly opened his eyes again, biting his inner cheek. Hells. The Unversed were a part of Vanitas, his feelings most of all. They used to be just as agressive as he was. They were playing now.
"You were," Ventus countered.
Vanitas scoffed. "Watching over you is hardly any fun, if ever."
Ventus went quiet. He moved a hand, still marked with small bites. "Were you collecting them?"
"More like they were collecting me," Vanitas mumbled. "At least you didn't try to eat them. That would've been real funny."
Ventus sit up again. "They're edible?!"
Vanitas stared at him as if he wanted to hit Ventus with his blade until he passed. He blinked very slow instead. Ventus mimicked it, still chewing his cheek.
"I was right," Vanitas got up. "I am your babysitter."
Ventus shrugged. "You could've let them do whatever, aren't they a part of you, like I am?"
Vanitas frowned. "They come from me, yes. You didn't come from me, Ventus. Stop being stupid."
"But they didn't hurt me, they were..." He trailed off.
Vanitas tilted his head. "They were...?"
Trying to eat him. Chewing onto his skin, clawing him. Biting, but not to hurt. To... Taste? Like the hurt was an afterthought and not the general goal. And Ventus really didn't mind it either. It was distracting, familiar but foreign. It shut down his brain in a good way. He did anticipate the pain, but it didn't came the way he expected, and it was nice.
"Nevermind," Ventus murmured.
Vanitas raised an eyebrow, then shook his head and turned around.
"If you're leaving," Ventus snickered. "Who's gonna take care of me?"
Vanitas froze for about two very counted seconds. His shoulders went up. He cracked his neck. And became shadows. Ventus chuckled. Well, that had been easy. Now he was alone, he could cast Cure and go back to Isa and Lea. It had been a while.
Ventus managed to move up just enough to be on his knees, and then the pain hit him. It soared through his body, like a parasite. He couldn't breathe, couldn't think. Ventus bent over. His body convulsed, hands way too shaky to command Light. He couldn't use magic nor call to his blade. It felt as if he was being cut, eveywhere, all at once. Ventus felt bile coming up and forcing itself down his throat again, tearing it in the process. His nails dug on concrete floor. Everything hurt, his eyes closed shut.
He was drooling, and there was something crawling up his neck, then down, around his throat. Liquid, sticky, warm. It smelled really nice. It felt like fingers, running down his neck and throat at the same time, vines. Vines, in the corners of his eyes, gathering inside his mouth. Carving itself inside his nails, filling up his nose. Ventus couldn't breathe.
He fell sideways, body shaking. His eyes wouldn't open. It hurt, everything hurt. He coughed once or twice. It tasted weird. Kept making it's way down his throat, liquid yet very much alive. It wandered down his stomach and Ventus was very sure he was going to die. He felt warm, but he was shaking. Itchy. He felt as if his bones were itchy, aching. He wanted to tear off his own skin, pull this thing off of him.
Ventus groaned. He couldn't feel his arms. Could not think properly. Everything inside him screamed and burned, twisting and turning. He figured if he let go entirely he'd stop aching and hurting so bad.
He closed his eyes, wishing for numbness. Ven's thoughts wandered astray again. It wasn't so bad, really. He could deal with it, actually. It wasn't bad, it was just too much. Small steps. He could manage. Small steps. If he focused on one vine at the time maybe he wouldn't be that overwhelmed.
Yeah. Yeah, he could try that out. It was just... Hard to focus, but at least he had a solid plan now. It tasted weird, like iron and water, somehow. It felt like oil, but if Ventus moved his tongue away from the top of his mouth, it was still sticky. Like the bubbling liquid around the box in the Graveyard.
He could manage.
Ventus gasped for air again. Gods, he was going to die. He was definitely dying. He wasn't sure if he wanted to cry or laugh. Twelve years and this is what got him? Some otherworldly liquid? Xehanort would be disappointed but his ego would be hurting just as much as Ventus' body was. It settled. Stopped moving. Ventus tried to move, at least his fingers.
The sound he let out would have been very damaging to his own ears if he could hear it. He felt it rising up his throat, rasp and desperate. He didn't knew if he was screaming or crying. All he heard was white noise. He forced his hand to close.
If he could hear his own voice, he'd be horrified.
The thing moved inside him again. Ventus froze. It moved, like hands trying to open his skin and tear off of him. Ventus screamed, this time he heard it. It should have been really loud if he could hear it through the static that covered his ears. Maybe the people outside the Clock Tower heard it. Maybe someone was coming to take him out of his misery.
Something wrapped around him. He knew this scent.
His nose was overworking, he knew. It was spilling blood and black oil. It was sweet and citric.
Huh.
It was Vanitas.
The thing smelled like Vanitas.
"Ventus,"
It cut through white static. Almost whispered onto his ears. All around him.
"Open your eyes."
He did. He wasn't in the Clock Tower. Oh? Ventus didn't remember Diving back to his Station of Waking — he rarely did that anymore. It looked off, the glasses stained and the light all but expired.
The glass was broken right down the middle. There was a liquid spilling out. Dark and heavy scented. The structure of the Station was a bit off as well, fractured to the point of not even handling the weight of Ventus' Heart without cracking more and spilling more black liquid over what would be the memories and strings of the Heart — what made it whole and secured the feelings inside it.
Ventus could see his own reflection on the black liquid. The little bites and the smeared blood around his forearm, hands, blouse. He breathed in, and immediately regretted it. It wasn't bad. It was way too damned good, actually. It made Ventus stumble backwards. He brought his hands to his face. The scent of blood made it a little better.
If he walked backwards he could reach the stairs and try to reach Aqua or Terra. Maybe even Roxas.
Something under the liquid glistened. Ventus stopped. He squinted his eyes. Yeah, there was definitely something shining there. But it was exactly where it was broken. He carefully wandered at the edges of the Station, watching as the liquid covered the glass and poured down the structure.
"You can reach it." Was whispered at his ear.
Ven shuddered. Right. He could do this. Ventus ran.
And he fell over.
Darkness engulfed him, drowned him. Hands reached and searched. Many, many hands.
"Mine," It growled.
Ventus tried to keep his eyes open, but it was hard. The hands kept searching, whatever it was they wanted, squeezing, choking, pulling, releasing, spreading and trying to break and heal at the same time. Ventus coughed, tried to bite off a finger or two but it felt like dust whenever he bit them.
He wondered where in the hells was Vanitas.
And then something slapped him. No, not something. A hand, on his face. A girl? A girl with long black hair, black jacket, white blouse, black skirt. She looked angry, very much so. Skuld had warm hands too. Ventus huffed, hunched backwards, tried to swim away from her eyes with false righteousness.
"You did that?!" She screamed. "You took Strelitzia away?!"
Who?
"No," He heard Vanitas say.
He sounded so small, it almost made Ventus reach forward and slap Skuld back.
"Let's think this over. It doesn't make sense."
Brain used to smile a lot, but it never reached his eyes. Ventus' breath hitched. There was something building up, a pressure trying to release. Inside him.
"He doesn't even uses his blade the right way," Brain kept going.
"Stop,"
He wanted to gouge Brain's eyes off his skull. Wanted to open him up and study him like he did with the Dreamcatchers. Ventus breathed in again. If he didn't die because of the liquid, he sure as hells was going to die because of the scent.
"You did good," Master Ava whispered against his ear. "You did so good."
She held his chin with bloody fingers. When she smiled, black goo and blood crept out of her mouth. It wasn't Master Ava, he knew it wasn't, but it was warm and reassuring and he wanted it. It didn't matter how it looked like, really didn't. He wanted a friend, and whatever that was that held her form, was a friend of his. His only friend. Until Ephemer.
Ephemer, that spoke with him like he mattered, that held him through his nightmares, that sent him away. Ephemer, that cared enough to hold him when he had been human and when he had been a Weapon, Ephemer that fought for him. Died for it.
"Good boy." Not-Master-Ava said to him.
It opened it's mouth, fangs showing. Took Ven's hand to it. And spilled blood and goo over his fingers. It was disgusting and it burned, moving upwards, slowly. Ventus found it gross, but at least it smelled nice. Like caramel and lemonade.
It tasted like iron and water. Not-Master-Ava let go of his chin, stepped closer, opened his mouth. It's nails — claws — ran down his neck, and the thing stuck, moved, descended. It felt warm. Weird.
Did... Did she bit him? It hurt like hell.
But he liked it. He really did.
He wasn't supposed to like pain. Aqua would be horrified if she knew. He liked Ephemer too, and Ephemer never gave him any pain. He liked him the same way he liked Sora. Warm and steady, destructive and so very protective. And they were both gone. Aqua was there still, just as warm, just as protective. So was Terra.
They both felt like a blanket, a fortress, sanctuary.
Ventus liked the security they gave him, he truly did.
He liked it better when it bruised, though.
The admission made his skin crawl with guilt and shame, but he let go of it as soon as it came. Denial. The hands let go of him. Ventus coughed. The pressure released, again and again, and he felt numb. Curled over himself, floating in nothingness.
And then he woke up, Isa stared at him with an eyebrow raised. Lea sighed in relief. Ventus moved. It hurt, it really did. He gasped again, choked, rolled to his side with a groan. Isa helped him sit.
Ah, it was a bed. Maybe he just had a nightmare.
"... Ventus," Isa murmured. "What just happened to you?"
"Hm?" Ventus looked at where Isa was looking.
Yeah, not a nightmare. His blouse was stained with blood, and the Unversed had chewed on his pants as well. These little plagues. Oh, Vanitas would hear about it, so much.
Ventus hid his face with his hands, frustrated.
"Nothing," He managed, voice raw.
"It's not everyday we get to cast Curaga on someone and it doesn't work, you know." Lea sit beside him. "So... Wanna try that again?"
Ventus sighed. "It's... Not something to worry about."
"Ven," Isa murmured. "Axel found you screaming in the Clock Tower."
Ven smiled, forced, and choked the words out. "Nothing happened."
They all knew he was lying. Lea forced him to change clothes before Isa brought Terra and Aqua.
***
"So," Aqua begun after they had dinner.
Ventus was so ready to just go straight to his room and sleep. Actually sleep. He wanted Chirithy to take his thoughts away and give him dreamless bliss.
"Ven," Aqua held his hand.
He was cold, but if she noticed, she didn't say.
"What happened today at the Clock Tower..."
Terra raised an eyebrow. Ven blinked, face blank.
"Xion told me how Isa and Lea found you," Aqua sighed and shifted over her seat. "I was worried."
Ventus stared at her for a quiet moment. He tried to smile but it simply didn't came to him. He didn't had the energy to force it out of his thoughts.
"But..." He swallowed. "Nothing happened at the Clock Tower, Aqua."
Terra's brows creased. "You keep saying that..."
Aqua stared at them. So Ventus didn't told Terra.
"Xion said you were brought to Isa's home and wasn't speaking anything coherent at all." She gave him a look. "You can tell us."
Ventus clenched his jaw. "Nothing happened there," He said through gritted teeth. "Seriously, you don't need to worry about it at all."
Terra sighed and got up. "When you're ready to talk, we'll be here to listen, Ven."
Aqua frowned. Terra shook his head slightly. He offered a hand, and Aqua took it almost defeated. Ven stood very still, until he didn't heard their steps anymore, only then did he move. His teeth hurt, but at least he wasn't forced to say anything. He didn't knew if he could explain what happened without getting both himself and Vanitas in trouble.
And Aqua would definitely bring him to the Labs in Radient Garden and that was the last thing he wanted to do. She'd force Ienzo and Even to run down exams on his Heart and he honestly didn't want that — didn't want them to see what he saw.
But he should tell them. Just for them to stop worrying so much. Ventus decided. He walked over the Gardens, watching the other towers. Terra said the other kids had given up the way of the blade and decided to live normal lives. That was why their castle was so high up and held away from the land itself. Ventus never had the chance to give up. Never had the chance to properly study what he wanted and never met any of these kids. He could see their homes from the Gardens, blue tiles and white walls.
He tried to imagine a world where Aqua and Terra gave up being wielders as well. Where they lived a normal life. Would they still be friends? Would Ventus know them at all? Who would be his caretakers? He'd probably still be Xehanort's apprentice, he guessed. Would be the Thirteenth vessel, probably. Or would be forever fused as the ChiBlade. Xehanort's plan to open Kingdom Hearts would have succeeded and it would be his fault.
Ventus walked back to the castle, walked to Terra's room. He heard talking.
"I know, I know," Terra said, exasperated. "But we can't force him to speak, Aqua. I saw the bites too."
Ven bit his lip.
"You think..." Aqua stopped for a second. "You think Vanitas did that?"
"Biting and scratching isn't something Heartless do," Terra said. "Dusks don't do that either. They kick and, well, yeah, they do bite, but not like that."
Ven knocked at the door, three times. They stopped talking. Someone moved. Aqua opened the door.
She gave him a smile, fragile, wistful. "Hey, Ven."
"Can't sleep?" Terra asked, still sitting over his bed.
"No, I... I wanted to tell you guys what happened." He grimaced. "Not at the Clock Tower."
They exchanged looks. Terra nodded, tapping the bed. Ventus walked to it and sit.
"When I said nothing happened at the Clock Tower, I wasn't lying, okay?" His brows creased. "It didn't happen there. I... I guess I Dove back to my Heart, but it was a reflex. Something cut me."
Aqua eyed Terra, and they both swallowed.
"On accident?" Terra asked softly.
"There were these little things," Ventus waved a hand. "I didn't saw what they were, I was sitting in the dark. I figured if I didn't move they'd stop."
Aqua breathed in. "But they didn't, right?"
"They did, it's just..." Ven shrugged. "I felt dizzy. I got up, I guess I stumbled over something. I fell and then I was bleeding."
Terra put a hand on his shoulder, frowning. "You didn't saw what it was?"
Ventus shook his head no. So far so good. It wasn't technically a lie, it did happen... Almost like that.
"I felt like I was going to throw up," Because he probably did, he just didn't remember it. "Couldn't move, everything hurt, and then I was back at the Station."
Aqua held his hands. "You think you're poisoned?"
"Probably some strays," Ventus shrugged. "I'm fine now. It's stupid, I just panicked because of the pain and Dove back. I told you guys not to worry."
Terra chuckled, humorless. "You were poisoned, Ventus. We should be worried."
"Lea casted Curaga," Ven sighed. "I'm okay."
"Naminé said they gave you a potion so you could speak again," Terra raised an eyebrow. "Heavy poison that was."
Aqua narrowed her eyes for a second and then forced a smile. "At least you came back, and you're opening up again. If you're saying it's nothing, then it is! We'll try not to worry as much."
Ventus chuckled. "Thanks, Aqua. Thanks, Terra. I'm fine, I really am."
Terra ruffled his hair and walked him to his room. Aqua stood there, in Terra's. When they were at Ventus' door, Terra went serious in a way Ventus rarely saw, and he swallowed.
"Lea said you were spasming, Xion told Aqua you were screaming. Naminé told me you weren't speaking," Terra said, low, oddly calm. "I know these bites, Ventus, I spend twelve years within Xehanort's reach. Half truths are still half."
Ventus bit his lip. He shook his head. Frustration bubbled inside his stomach, but he forced it down.
He tried to stay calm and make his voice as steady as it was in the kitchen. "Yeah? I don't remember screaming. I told you, I Dove back, if I did scream, I wouldn't know."
Terra's jaw moved. He breathed in. "Ventus,"
"I'm telling you what I—"
Terra moved his hand and cleaned Ven's nose. Ven blinked, frowned, watched as black oil and blood mixed. Terra didn't seem shocked nor alert. He tilted his head a little, but didn't say anything. It didn't move like it didn't when Ventus touched it. Didn't reach up Terra's fingers nor did it seem to burn.
"What's this?" Terra whispered.
Again, he didn't seem angry, nor shocked. He looked puzzled, really. Curious and confused.
"That's..." Ventus closed his mouth. What *was* that?
"You don't know," Terra said, then, but he didn't sound inquisitive, just amused. "Okay. I won't tell Aqua but you need to be careful with it. If she sees you're bleeding you won't be training with the others for long."
Ventus nodded, unable to speak. He watched as Terra descended the stairs and went back to his room, fingers clean as he turned around. Ven didn't notice when he had cleaned it. He felt warm.
He took off to the showers, wrinkling his nose when he got there. Maybe he was running a fever and only noticed now, because the showers were always warm, yet they felt horribly cold now. The white stones didn't made it better, it actually made it worse. Ventus rushed his bath, then, being able to control the temperature of it better. The basin was warm, and so was the water. He laid there for a few minutes, not feeling particularly clean but at least the blood wore off. He couldn't feel the scent of the soap yet, his nose still overworked.
Ventus could still feel hands searching him up, fingers spreading against his skin, squeezing and releasing. He closed his eyes. He had a friend before Sora. He had a friend before Aqua and Terra. He knew their names now, their faces. He should feel happy about it. His memories were his again. He didn't felt happy, not at all.
He liked Lauriam, but Lauriam only tolerated him out of necessity and maybe nostalgia. He did watched him sleep and covered him up, but it was because Ventus was the younger one. Not because of Ventus.
Elrena would always size him up and then scoff. Brain did smile at him but it was forced. He did so because Ventus was curious with his work at the Labs. Ventus had always been curious. Skuld slapped him once and Ephemer sided with him. It was maybe her last straw, but Ven wouldn't know.
He didn't like these memories. He didn't like how real they were, not seen behind the glasses of care.
You were small and lonely.
Ventus submerged his head on the water.
Notes:
Good lord
Chapter 3: Descending
Chapter Text
"Wake up,"
Ven moved. The blanket moved with him, which was kind of funny. Was he sweating? It felt like he was.
A snarl. "Ventus."
He opened his eyes. Vanitas tilted his head — almost animal like. Almost like his Unversed would do.
He blinked, not entirely sure if he was awake or not. Ventus submerged his head again.
Oh.
He was inside the basin still, right.
He heard Vanitas say something else but he truly didn't care. Not until fingers crawled to his neck and squeezed. It hadn't even been a strong hold, but the feeling of actual fingers and not the living armor that entangled around Vanitas' hands made him comeback to reality as if struck by lightning.
Ventus jolted up, desperately holding the basin and breathing short, uneven breaths.
He glared at Vanitas. "You could—"
Could have done anything else, really. Vanitas blinked deliberately slow at him, unimpressed. He waved a hand for Ventus to continue.
Ventus swallowed, lowered his eyes to Vanitas' hand, and it was only then he noticed the lack of armor all together. And the Organization cloak too. Vanitas got up and started searching for something around the bathroom. That was when Ventus took his time to analyze what in the hells was Vanitas wearing. He had never seen him without the armor.
Vanitas wore a black leather coat with detailed paldrons made of silver — like the metal around his jaw line. They looked like branches of a fallen tree, almost like the ones in the Realm of Darkness. His pants were almost the same, but the fabric looked lighter than leather, the metal shining less there than it did in the coat. His hair was wet, the spikes were a bit undone and wavy, and there was something dripping off his hair that didn't really look like water.
"Why..." Ventus tried again, and then a towel hid his vision.
Vanitas didn't knew how to act human it seemed, his hands rough as he dried up Ven's hair. He was mumbling something Ventus didn't understood at all, but sounded very much annoyed.
"Get up." He demanded.
Ventus sighed, eyes still closed, and got up, away from the basin, drying himself up and dressing up. Or at least he tried to. Yeah, Vanitas really didn't knew how to be human. Ventus had just buttoned up his pants when Vanitas' hands reached for the blouse and almost ripped two buttons when trying to close them off. At least he was helping, odd as it was. Ventus almost giggled at the thought.
Vanitas? Helping? Out of his own free will? Yeah, no. There was something more to this... Domestic moment that was going on. Vanitas wanted something, because no way in the hells he'd help Ventus dress up if he didn't want something. But then again, he said it himself, he was now Ven's official babysitter.
"If Chirithy reaches for me again instead of you, I will hunt you down and rip your Heart out myself."
And there it was. Ventus nodded, slow. He frowned. Chirithy had reached out for Vanitas? Because Ventus locked himself in the bathroom? Chirithy was being paranoid now, really. Maybe it was contagious and came from Aqua herself. Or Naminé. Ven blinked a few times before sighing, exhausted.
"If you do that, wouldn't we fuse again?" Ventus asked quietly as they got out of the bathroom.
Vanitas crossed his arms. "Better being a Weapon than having to watch over you."
"Wow," Ventus chuckled. "Didn't you said I was... What? A willing vessel? Are you going to break me again? Wouldn't that go against your Order or—"
"I didn't broke you," Vanitas snarled. "Xehanort did."
"You were working for him," Ventus countered.
Vanitas shook his head slowly, a very long and clear No on his part. He looked ready to jump on Ven.
Vanitas took a step forward. "I was leashed, Ventus."
Ventus took a step back. "And now you're not?"
Vanitas tilted his head, and it wasn't like the how he did in the bathroom, no. It was predatory, his pupils dilating, almost engulfing the red rim he had around it. It was beautiful, almost like fire burning inside gold, moving on it's own, growing, consuming, leaving just emptiness on it's wake. And Ventus should not be thinking that, not at all.
He kept staring anyway.
Vanitas hummed, but didn't answer. His eyes snapped down to the staircase that led to the training grounds and the main Hall of the castle. His pupils shrunk so fast the dilation might have been just a trick of Ven's mind.
"Did you eat it?"
Ventus blinked, swallowed hard. "That thing in the Graveyard? No."
Vanitas didn't move, didn't blink, didn't even breathe, eyes still in the staircase. Ventus slowly turned the knob of his door. He didn't knew why he was being so cautious now if just two minutes ago Vanitas was literally dressing him up in the bathroom, but this felt necessary. He did looked about to attack, as if any sudden movement would make him snap at Ventus and he really didn't want to deal with any of the aftermath of a fight.
Curiosity would be the end of him.
Ventus took his eyes away from Vanitas and eyed the staircase as well. The soft light of the moon made the copper details on white stones shine. It was prettier in daylight, and Ventus almost snickered. Maybe master Eraqus' family really did dislike Darkness to the point of emphasizing daylight at all times — as if they couldn't appreciate night either, because of the shadows that grew under moonlight. Too much light and one would go blind.
Terra wandered around, not particularly awake, and he didn't notice Ventus and Vanitas staring at him. He had a bowl of something on his hands and paper stuck on his growing hair and on his shoulder. He turned to the library and walked in, muttering to himself with a strained voice that sounded like him and not himself at all. Like two people speaking at the same time on the same body. Ventus blinked.
Xemnas. Terra was allowing Xemnas to control him.
When Ventus took his eyes away from the door to the library, Vanitas was staring at him. Close, very, very close. Ventus wondered just how silent Vanitas could be when he wanted to. It wasn't like he didn't already knew that Vanitas was quiet, he'd enter his room without as much as a spec of dust moving, but Ventus had always assumed he just teleported there.
"Open your mouth,"
That was one very demanding whisper. Ventus' jaw tensed, and he lowered his head slightly. He was very determined to not oblige and let Vanitas examine him, mostly because it didn't make sense. It didn't made sense and it made Ventus highly aware of just how close Vanitas was to him. If he decided to throw him out the staircase now, he could.
Ventus' hand was still on the doorknob, frozen.
"Ventus,"
Maybe it wasn't supposed to be a growl, but it sure as hell sounded like one. Ventus' shoulders went up and he recoiled, opening the door with one sudden move. Distantly, Ventus knew that it didn't made sense for him to run like that, because Vanitas could just get in without making any noise. Ven closed the door shut behind him and breathed out.
Since when was he scared of Vanitas?
"Ven?" Chirithy moved up on his bed.
Ventus turned around, smiling nervously. "Hey,"
"You alright?"
Ventus could lie to anyone, but not Chirithy. They'd know he was lying with just a humming getting out the wrong way. Ventus swallowed his fear.
"Yeah, no, I'm not." He sat down. "Sorry I scared you. I ended up sleeping in the bathroom."
Chirithy nodded. "Figured! You did look tired after you came home today."
Chirithy blinked once or twice and then giggled. "You were really sleepy, I take."
Ventus blinked. "... I was, I guess."
"Your shirt," Chirithy said lightly. "It's on the wrong side."
Ventus groaned. It was already warm anyway, and he was going to sleep, so he didn't need to turn it around. Chirithy jumped on his lap, chuckling and bobbing their head.
Ventus stared, confused, amused, curious and maybe a little unsettled. "Are you—"
"You remember them all!" Chirithy sing-sung. "Your friends from before! Not your whole life yet, but we'll get there eventually!"
Ventus gaped. "Yeah. How... How did you know?"
"I can feel it flowing away from me and into you," They said. "Like your nightmares come to me."
Huh. Ventus nodded, still a bit confused. He laid down, eyes narrowed as Chirithy laid with him. Chirithy didn't gave him his memories back, he just had a very vivid nightmare after the Unversed bit him. He blinked. It was daylight.
He heard voices coming from the halls. Ventus frowned. What... What just happened. Chirithy was asleep beside him. Ventus stared down his window, utterly confused. Xion and Lea were sparring outside, Isa was sitting with Terra. He stared down at them.
He... He should go back to sleep, but he felt rested, really did. As if he had slept. But he didn't even remembered being asleep. Something was off.
***
Vanitas knew Ventus would snap if he got to see his memories — it was easy to imagine. When they joined the first time, Ventus had fought against him, so he didn't got to share anything. They had different goals at that time. Vanitas had been leashed, trained to be less of what he truly was.
Xehanort didn't knew. He didn't have to. Vanitas was, indeed, a part of Ventus. Just not the part that Xehanort had truly wanted. Light and Dark, inside one's Heart, it wasn't sentient. Not that Xehanort cared, really. The scholars at Scala Ad Caelum were... Less than ideal. Luxu kept most of them out of touch about how a Heart truly functioned. It had been funny to watch their descend to madness, their fears spreading through the land, amplifying Them and not even noticing what they were doing.
Breaking someone's Core went much further than the Heart, it was everything that made the person whom they were. But Xehanort didn't knew that, he didn't had to, it made the job easier. Luxu made sure of that, but he also didn't knew Ventus. He didn't knew the Order, he didn't knew what Ventus was.
When it did happened, Ventus didn't. He didn't broke like Vanitas expect, no. It was far better. He embraced it, just like he did before. Made the job far more entertaining than it had any right to be.
Mine, Mine, Mine—
Vanitas hated being the most sentient part of a hivemind. It was Ventus' fault, really. Getting attached to the thing that used him, to the feelings that made Vanitas grow. Most times, it was fun. Guilt, denial, shame, frustration. It was fun. Except when it went both ways. When Ventus fought back.
"I sure wish I had friends."
Horrible request, really. But he reeked of self loathing. Lonely little kid with self esteem issues and a horrible habit of lying to his parents. Ventus hadn't changed one bit. Not when he hid from the War — and only survived his hiding because They needed him. Not when he befriended the Dandelions, not when he was found by Xehanort without his memories, definitely not now. Especially not now.
Vanitas wasn't planning on doing any of what he did. It was a request. You can find him, so. Simple task, easier to find Ventus than his own Gods be damned Unversed. Fleeting as they were, he'd probably be out of commission for a while. He hadn't planned to move into the Clock Tower, he was going to wait until his stupid counterpart got out. And then he felt it. Not Ventus, not yet. Something tingled, and his hands felt itchy, his eyes burned, he felt warm and giddy and—
Fucking hells.
Why. Just... Why. Why was Ventus feeding them, of all things. It was a bit unexpected that the Unversed would be with Ventus of all people, considering that he had a grudge against Aqua and she was there. But feeding? That was a bit much. They'd hurt him and he wouldn't even notice until they got away. Which, again, not his problem. He watched as they came in flocks to Ventus' lap, how his counterpart giggled, albeit a bit maniac, as the Unversed chewed on his belly and arms.
Sometimes they bit his neck, collarbone, they were reaching everywhere and simply tasting. It had been a while since he got to—
Vanitas shook his head and clicked his tongue. No.
Ventus hiccuped. Sighing, Vanitas took Void Gear and slammed it down on the Unversed. It hurt. Really did. It was as if being torn apart again and again. He was used to it. He had been doing this for years. What was new was Ventus' reaction. The tears were a new thing, he'd definitely remember if the pain went both ways. Ventus kept silently crying and holding his middle until he passed out from the pain.
He waited. Waited and waited, until They reached him again. You can heal him. He knew. He didn't want to. Ventus was pretty when he wore red.
Vanitas clicked his tongue again.
Mine, mine, mine—
He ignored it. It wasn't the first time he did. They were persistent when They wanted to be. Vanitas knew how to be stubborn with Them.
You can heal him. You can heal him, you can—
He reached for a bite on Ventus' neck. Traced it. Ventus moved a little, eyes opening for a single second before they closed again, blue, dull and faded. Small and lonely, as always. Vanitas let his eyes wander off. Scars. From a time Ventus didn't remember, from before the traveling even happened. From a stolen childhood. From Xehanort's leash, from Eraqus' too. A few recent ones, most likely from trainings. The ones the Past Xehanort had pointed out in the Cathedral.
Vanitas had never gotten close to hurt him like he wanted to, not really. A blade wouldn't be enough. Magic wouldn't be enough. He wanted torture, something slow, something far more damaging. Not outside either. If he wanted to break Ventus, really, it wouldn't be by giving him any scar that would heal.
Watching him sleep, as of now, didn't gave him that bitter edge it had given for twelve years. He didn't want Ventus to wake up to fulfill a contract and be done with. He wanted Ventus, and that was it.
One remaining Unversed stared up at him, as if asking permission to curl against Ventus, and when Vanitas didn't even react to his little squeaks, he did it anyways. Ventus sighed, soft and not really an exhale at all, barely there. Vanitas stared at the Unversed as it purred against Ventus' blouse, smeared with blood. He kept staring.
Bring him in.
Vanitas scowled. Hell no.
Bring him, show him, show him.
He snapped his eyes up, to the ceiling, to the being watching him, with too many teeth and grey eyes.
Show him, It said. Vanitas shook his head no, slow, deliberate. Bring him in, let Us taste.
Vanitas narrowed his eyes. Taste. Taste? As if Ventus hadn't just fed them his blood.
You, It corrected. He. Fed. You! He's ours! Ours, so share. Heal him. Bring him in.
It's jaw dislocated, spreading far wide over the ceiling. Golden eyes, small, round, terrified.
Brother, brother, brother—
Vanitas breathed in. That was a losing battle, he knew. When Ventus woke up, Vanitas fused. Funny how easier it was to trick him when he was alone, when he wasn't so full of himself, when he was acting on instincts instead of theatrics. It was easier to share, too, the bond flowing both ways. He let Ventus had some of his memories back, not tainted with rosy colours of friendship but as they were. And Ventus simply took it, took them, he didn't break like before, he didn't torn himself with realization.
He let Them feed on his anger, his confusion, his fears. Vanitas was almost proud of his counterpart. That didn't last long though. He cried out the moment They tried to reach for him outside Vanitas' Heart, but it wasn't just pain. Vanitas had felt it.
And worse, he earned it, too.
That Ventus kept crying silently and calling out his name was one thing. Figured, with all the babysitting talk Vanitas had thrown at him. That Ventus had enjoyed being with him was another, that he felt safe with him, it was completely different and so much worse. Because it meant something, and it was a weakness Ventus couldn't let the others know. They would definitely not understand it.
That was a taste of being whole and it was a need Ventus had been hiding for twelve years, if anything they'd make him feel guilty for it.
Light didn't feed on anything really substantial nowadays — Lux was out of sight. So Vanitas had to really improvise. The bites would heal sometime soon, but not to magic. That wasn't how his Gods be damned feelings worked. Ventus was more Dark than Light but if Darkness wanted to taste, as They said they would, it was raw magic. It was something Ventus wasn't used to anymore and Lux was definitely not a viable option to make him stable after They had their fill.
To reach for the Core Light of Twilight Town was... Definitely an experience. He felt tiny pieces of Daybreak Town there, so distant it almost meant nothing. He gathered it anyways, knowing full well that Ventus would have some sort of physical reaction to it. It worked, anyhow. Worked until Chirity reached through Ventus' bond, thinking he was Ventus, and warned of the doors being locked.
It worked until he saw all the blood that kept coming from Ven's wounds even as they slowly closed. Blood and Core magic blending and fighting each other inside his body. It would have been nice to see it unfold in the shadows and not to interfere but...
But Ventus was his and he had to make sure Their vessel survived. Ventus was his and he wanted to taste his anger again, his dispair, his guilt, shame and most of all — now that he knew why it was there in the first place — his frustration and his denial.
***
Ventus didn't trained, no. He felt did restless, but also restored, almost as if Sora had wrapped his light around him all over again. He didn't felt tired, so instead of going back to sleep, he simply tried studying magic as a concept — what he didn't really had time to do with Eraqus or Aqua, but Xehanort tried to force down his throat. He found some books filled with notes stuck on them, old things, newer things. Different interpretations of the same text.
Ventus made his own notes, though on a notebook of his own instead of paper notes thrown in the book itself. He learned how to position himself for casting better with the books. He didn't recognize most of the handwriting in there, if any. Better ways to position his feet for defensive stances — which he could use some more, really. He took note of everything, the potions and how to prepare them, the fighting styles, all of it.
He deemed his day a very productive one, even when he stopped to eat with the others. He wasn't being questioned by neither of them, not Aqua, not Terra, not even Lea or Roxas. Everything was fine.
Until it wasn't. Maybe they had been wrong with the first Lab scans, he didn't really knew. But Even had said he was more dark than light, because Xehanort had taken Vanitas out and his heart was pure light, so inside Sora he managed to produce an insane amount of darkness to compensate for the loss he had — twelve years worth of overproduction.
So the Lab scans were wrong. Ventus was vomiting all over the chair, on the floor, but he hasn't ate anything different. And he didn't threw up food. Just bile, water, blood and... Light.
Liquid Light that bubbled just like the black oil he had seen in The Graveyard and in the Clock Tower. Liquid Light that stained the floor with a hiss, that burned his throat when coming up, that scared him and the others. Xion and Aqua both tried casting different healing spells, but nothing worked. Terra got him to sit down, Lea, Roxas and Naminé were calling up Ienzo and Even, speaking of tests and—
"Ni," Escaped his lip before he could hold it in.
Silence. Everybody stared at him with different levels of concern. The least concerned of them was Terra. He tilted his head, as if it was curious moment and not something to be terrified of. Ventus stared back. Isa was quietly cleaning the waste away, as he was apparently the only one that could touch Liquid Light without it burning him up. The liquid didn't bubble around him, surprisingly enough.
"Okay, let's... Let's think this through," Lea murmured. "How... Would..."
Ventus shook his head. "I never seen..."
He had. He had seen something like that. Terra stared at Isa's cleasing. Eyed Aqua and the others very fast. His eyes narrowed and he turned them to Ventus. Ventus frowned. Was he going to tell them about the liquid mixed inside his blood to the others? It was a scary possibility and he hated it.
"I have," Terra said. "I have seen something like this."
Isa and Lea exchanged a worried look. Isa asked quietly. "You have?"
"Not... Not me," Terra looked confused. "Not entirely."
Lea frowned, just like Aqua and Naminé. Isa nodded.
"As Ansem, yes?"
Ventus swallowed when he noticed another shadow. Chirithy entered the common area giggling and stopped right at the now cleaned floor. Their eyes blinked slowly, and their moved their head up.
"Ventus... Why are you feeding Lux to yourself?"
He opened his mouth, closed it.
"Lux?" They all questioned at the same time.
All but Terra. He had a deep, deep frown over his face. He was staring at Ventus' nose, waiting for it to bleed like it did last night. Ventus felt a shiver ran down his spine when he looked up and instead of Terra all by himself, he saw Vanitas on his shadow. For a moment, he held his breath, and then he released it and breathed in a deep breath.
"Yes! Lux is all Light that becomes physical in the world, such as Hearts made of pure light, or special summons and magic!" Chirithy explained happily. "Although there is no collectible Lux in the worlds I have visited this far, it was something that existed when Ventus was a child and I was born!"
"When Ventus was a child..." Aqua turned slowly to Ventus, eyes wide. "Ventus?"
Terra growled. It startled everyone. Naminé shrunk onto herself, hiding behind Lea and Roxas. Xion held her hand protectively. Isa muttered something.
"Out," Terra said, without turning, eyes unfocused.
"Hey, bud, I don't—" Lea started.
"Terra," Aqua said, low and way too calm. "Come."
He turned, slowly. Stared. Nodded. Aqua eyed their friends, apologetic, and went with Terra to a tower that was connected to the common area but none of them were allowed to enter.
It was Aqua's place and hers only. Ventus was almost certain of the reason why.
"Sorry," Ventus mumbled. "But you guys should..."
"But why?" Chirithy asked, innocent and naive. "Don't your friends know about—"
"They don't,"
Vanitas tilted his head, sitting beside Ventus with not much a shrug passing by. Xion gasped as she stumbled backwards, Roxas immediately summoned Oblivion, Isa pulled Lea to the entrance hall, which in turn pulled Naminé. They looked in a state between shock and dread. No one dared to speak or move.
"Oh?" Chirithy looked at Vanitas. "Who—"
"Quiet."
Chirithy stared, shutting their mouth. Vanitas started manhandling Ventus as if no one was around them, just like he did in the bathroom. Quite literally fed him the rest of his food and water, forcing his mouth open and all. It should have made Ventus nervous, uncomfortable, unsettled. It made him calm down instead. It felt natural, it felt right. It was almost comforting.
"Ah, I knew this would happen," Vanitas mumbled. He stared at Ventus and clicked his tongue. "Don't give them your blood ever again, you hear me?"
Ventus narrowed his eyes. "You're tempting me."
Vanitas raised an eyebrow. "Yeah? Wanna throw up the rest of your heart out?"
"Oh," Chirithy said quietly, at the same time as Naminé and Isa.
Oblivion hit Vanitas' nape lightly. Roxas glared. "Who're you?"
"His other half," Vanitas shrugged. Ventus gaped at him, indignant. "Like Sora was to you, in a way."
Roxas hesitated. Stared at Ventus, questioning.
"He... Does, doesn't he?" Naminé murmured. "He looks just like Sora."
Vanitas snickered at Ventus. "At least I got the better part of the half, huh."
Ventus was about to say something when his body went forward, vision blurred, head hurting as if he had been hit by Oblivion and not Vanitas. His counterpart caught him before he fell, patted his back and sighed. He muttered something Ventus didn't heard, but he did heard Isa urging people to let them alone so Ventus could rest. Roxas was the last one to give up, not trusting Vanitas for a whole minute before he gave out and walked past the door. Ventus breathed in, the scent of caramel and lemonade immediately overworking his nose.
"I am kind of tempted to call your blue haired babysitter and quit the job," Vanitas said, serious. "You're having a reaction, you know."
Chirithy hummed. "If you say is true, then... Shouldn't you join back?"
Ventus went stiff. He felt Vanitas' hands tightening around him, pulling him closer. He didn't had a heartbeat, Ventus noticed. Better yet, he did, but it was so slow and quiet it might be nonexistent.
Vanitas scoffed. "No, we're fine."
They weren't. They weren't fine, haven't been for twelve years. Maybe Vanitas was taking a kick out of seeing Ventus on the place he had been for so long. Ventus did liked the life he had now, but then again, he wished he could remember things before Xehanort had taken his heart and ripped it. No, not his heart. His core. His soul, everything that made him himself. He wanted Vanitas away from him as much as he wanted him close, and it was annoying.
Notes:
Maybe Ventus shouldn't be calling Vanitas randomly like that 😞☝
Chapter 4: Emerge
Summary:
Aqua speaks with an unexpected visitor. Terra does so too.
Notes:
So. This is >very< divergent from canon, bUT DO I CARE? NO. BACKSTORY FOR EVERYBODY. LETS GO!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Aqua saw the moment the shadows moved around Terra's feet. He didn't look angry, just slightly annoyed. Darkness gathered around him and Ventus like a protective coat. Then it happened.
"Out," Terra growled, not really himself.
She had been so focused on what Chirithy was saying she didn't really saw the flash of bright yellow that passed his eyes. She ignored what Lea was saying, ignored the movement around Ventus' feet even if it was Vanitas. Terra was a much bigger problem, he had been a problem for longer than Vanitas was one. So she ignored everything.
Aqua helped Terra get up the stairs in the Tower, opened the blackened wooden door with golden details and dragged Terra inside the old masters quarters. Eraqus' chambers were... Certainly a distraction. Especially after all they went through. They had no time to properly mourn their master, but this was not the time either.
Terra was still starring off something, eyes glossy and distant when Aqua got him to sit.
He had growled at them. That was not normal.
She knew he had been hiding things from her from the very moment they finally went home, but this was more than just an odd moment. That he befriended a darkness user was one thing, but to taint the shadows around him and taunt their friends with a growl was another entirely.
Aqua knew her overprotection stammered from the twelve years in the Realm of Darkness, having her own heart play tricks on her time and time again. Terra's... It felt different. It didn't felt like protection, not entirely. Ever since they came home, he had been isolating himself, the very few times he did share anything with her or Naminé, he'd ask first about them, as if trying to read through it and adapt.
She moved him slowly in the bed, feeling his limbs twitching as if fighting something off. A reaction. His breathing was fast, almost like he had actually been hurt by something. Reaction.
Aqua breathed in, calmed her heart. "It's okay, Terra. You're safe. Let it out."
His eyes had closed, jaw clenched as if in pain. The sheets of the bed were almost torn by how he held them. And then just as abruptly, he stopped moving.
Terra slowly sit up, moving as if drunk. His mouth slowly moved to a snarl. And he chuckled, and the sound made Aqua's skin crawl. That was not Terra.
"He was wrong," Terra whispered. "I am here, still."
Aqua's eyes narrowed at him. "You know what that was. Care to tell me?"
Terra hummed — no, whatever possessed him did. "The Eater is right."
Eater? Aqua frowned. "Specifics."
Terra's eyes moved up, bright orange. Aqua had half the mind to flinch away from him before she stood her ground. Stepped closer, actually. He tilted his head in slight, quiet curiosity.
What had Isa said? As Ansem?
Naminé had extended her the grace of some drawings, one of which had been from Xemnas. She had seen the painting at the hidden Labs, Ienzo had shown her once and only once. Bright orange.
Not yellow and dull like Xemnas.
"There is more to the Light you don't know than what your master taught you, Guardian." Terra said, low and slurred. "The Eater knows. So does Vanitas and his counterpart. Unstable heart, that one. Repressed."
Aqua glared at him, Xion's voice taunting her.
Was he always pent up like that?
"Repressed," Aqua echoed.
"Light blinds as much as Darkness," Terra said, muttered and slow, as if he was sleeptalking. "I take you wouldn't listen if the boy tried to explain."
"Ventus' heart is none of your concern," Aqua hissed.
"Yet you're listening, still," Terra slurred out with a lazy grin. "Careful, now. Desperation leads to darkness, Guardian. Wouldn't be a fair trade, would it now? But by all means, go on."
It took Aqua's whole soul to restrain herself from punching Terra — Ansem, really — in the face.
He was older, something inside her mused. Probably what Terra's own light would be. Not old like Xehanort, but old enough to match Terra's heart. His body was restored when Xehanort was casted out off him, so it regressed twelve years. The Heartless and the Nobody would've matched what Terra age really was, more or less.
But that wasn't possible, was it? Ansem was a product of Xehanort's possession over Terra.
Xemnas was more Terra than the other one, that was something the apprentices had all agreed. Heart, body and mind had been separated, and they were still fighting over one another. But if that was the case, then Ansem had been more Terra than Xehanort for a while — a blend of both hearts' darkness, Xehanort's obsessive, arrogant, cruel, cynical behavior and Terra's...
Terra's stubbornness, his rage, his fears. Eraqus had tried to lock it away from him, blindly reaching for a short-term solution. Never thought how to control it.
Of course Ansem was hard to beat, to disappear. He was everything wrong with Terra and Xehanort both, mixed neatly, carefully. A match made in hell, truly.
"A trade," Aqua repeated. "You tell me what is wrong with Ventus and... What? What is it you want?"
Terra blinked, slow, almost sleepily. "Recovery."
Aqua breathed in. A body. He wanted a body. He wanted out of Terra. Aqua would happily oblige if that didn't mean taking Terra to the Labs and opening him up like they did to Ventus and Kairi.
"And then what?"
His hand moved, took hers. Aqua breathed out. That was way too familiar to not be Terra. It was Terra, somewhere, reaching out. A thought hit her hard in the head. Terra was still there, he was listening, he had let Ansem take over. Because she told him to.
"You can have your Terra back," He mumbled.
Aqua nodded, slow. "Deal."
Terra — Ansem — smiled, eyes closed. He took a moment just quietly appreciating her distrust, the slow and dreadful dragging of the seconds. Then he sighed.
"He was fed a World's Core Light." Terra muttered. "There is nothing like that floating around anymore, hadn't been for centuries. Xehanort would know if there was, he'd have forged the ChiBlade faster."
Aqua's hand started shaking, the fear tightening around her throat. Centuries. Centuries. But Chirithy had said 'Lux' — Light that gained physical forms —had been around when Ventus was a child... And Vanitas had said they didn't knew Ventus.
Aqua knew worlds in the Realm of Light were balanced by both Light and Darkness, just like most hearts, but she clearly underestimated just how much of what was taught to her by Master Eraqus and the old books on her Spell Casting classes weren't a big charade. Not like master Eraqus had meant, anyhow.
"Your friend is not the only one," Terra said, sudden. "The man you call Wise knows."
The real Ansem, then. Aqua swallowed. Tentatively, her other hand moved to his face, stroke his cheek.
"Give him back," She whispered. "I'll find a way for both of you to get out."
Terra snickered. "Xemnas might wish for it, but I do not."
Aqua blinked a few times. Oh?
"You... Don't?"
The grip he had on her hand tightened. "There is much you know nothing of, Guardian. I kept him close not only for Xehanort's whims."
She had been right, then. There was more from Terra in Ansem than just being the half Xehanort's Heartless. Same went to Xemnas. It terrified Aqua just how much darkness Terra truly had inside him. Enough for two whole beings, designed and wielded by Xehanort, yes, but deeply his as well.
Eraqus saw but a glimpse of it, and—
"Yes," Terra slurred. "But not all. He locked me away."
Aqua's lips parted.
It was a spell.
Now that Terra had said it, she could sense it. It had been there for so long she didn't knew how to truly find it. It was a part of Terra, a part of him since she had known him. The spell was there for so long she had thought it was just him, and not magic.
It was a curse.
He— Eraqus. Eraqus had cursed Terra. Her hands were definitely shaking now. She had never really thought this through. Never over analyzed what Eraqus behavior meant to Terra as much as what it meant to her. A name popped on her brain. Visha.
Visha whom had been her friend in Land of Departure until they met Terra. Visha whom had casted her away to practically throw herself at Terra and then ran away after discovering something about the death of old Odin. Visha whom had said time and time again that Aqua was Eraqus' favorite, not anyone else. That she had been paired with him for a reason and not merely by chance.
Visha who had succumbed to darkness just as most of the old wielders gave up their keyblades to protect themselves instead of the Light, instead of the world. It had given her more strength in the past, but now that she really saw it through, it might have been like a second Purge to Eraqus, probably why he had been so adamant on locking away darkness.
The second thought came to her like a punch to the guts. Aqua hissed, blinked as her eyes watered.
Terra could not cast magic outside combat. That had been Eraqus' rule for him to be paired with people at classes. He wasn't good at magic, sure, but she remembered being quite shocked once when Eraqus dismissed him entirely from Casting class. She remembered the paintings Eraqus hid inside his chambers, each one inside a different room, each one laced with a spell she didn't had access before becoming a Master herself.
Aqua sniffed, swallowed, stared at Terra. He stared back, amused. She was crying, she knew.
"Give him back," Aqua muttered again.
Terra's eyes rolled back, and he fell to the bed. The aftermath was not pretty. He started to hyperventilate, hands shaking. Then he curled, sideways, kept hyperventilating until his quick breaths became choked sobs. Aqua stared, unable to move until his sobs died out and all that remained was a distraught Terra. She sit up the bed, cleaning his face with her hands, as gently as she could.
For a long, tense moment, neither of them spoke.
"Sorry," Terra whispered, voice rasp.
Aqua laid beside him. "Did it hurt?"
"Hm?"
"Letting him take over. Did it hurt?"
Terra stared at her hands, mouthed the words. Frowned. Breathed out. "Not really. It's more... It... It doesn't really hurt, but it's exhausting."
Aqua pulled him close. It was half a hug and more of a scanning than anything else, but the sentiment was still there. Terra didn't seem to mind, eyes closed and hands still shaking a bit. She could still sense it, the curse. Now that she knew where to look, it was hard to ignore. Maybe Terra didn't even knew about it, and if he did, he didn't seem to mind that there was a spell casted over his heart for so long.
"I didn't meant to do any of that," Terra whispered against her head.
Aqua just nodded a bit. "It's okay. We shouldn't be hiding things from each other anyways."
Terra sighed and moved her head up, staring at her eyes with so much concern Aqua would think she had been the one to be possessed and not him.
"You're right, but I don't think you'll like what you'll see."
So that was it. Aqua gave him a small smile.
"Some truths are hard to swallow, aren't they? I'll be fine." One of her hands snaked through Terra's neck until her thumb found his cheek. "You said it yourself, we'll be fine. I trust you with my life, Terra. We will be, but... We need to understand each other. I hate to admit it, but Vanitas was right. All we know from Ven is what we got to see when he woke up the first time and what we're seeing now."
Terra closed his eyes again. "He is a part of Ventus."
Aqua didn't want to. But she had to. She had to ask, to confirm, to have a concrete answer for once.
"Like Sora is a part of Roxas, yes?"
"Probably,"
"And Xemnas to you."
Terra was quiet. Very, very quiet. He moved closer and hugged her tighter. Aqua chuckled at that. She didn't knew much of the Nobody, just what Riku and Naminé were willing to share and a few comments by Roxas and Lea here and there. Xion looked at Terra with suspicion sometimes in sparring but then shrugged and followed his instructions nonetheless. They all had had their moments with the Nobody but none of them were as close as Isa had been. And he never said anything, never looked at Terra with anything else but quiet resignation. It was so odd.
"I used to look at Sora just like that," Roxas said once.
But Isa wasn't willing to share whatever it was that made him look at Terra like that. Not even with Terra himself, as funny as it was.
"He's a part of me," Terra finally said. "But it's not like Roxas and Sora, no."
Interesting.
She was going to ask more, she really was, but she felt a strange pull to sleep, almost like a soft blanket had been thrown against her mind, hiding every question she had. Aqua breathed in, slowly, feeling her body giving up just as slow. Terra pulled her closer, enough that the lights of the bedroom wouldn't hit her closing eyes.
Terra had never been clingy with her, that was for sure, not even in the first two months of them returning to the Castle, and most certainly not now. He might've been a bit paranoid, but never clingy. Not with his sporadic half hugs and lingering touches. This? This was different, desperate, it twisted and turned and spread like vines around her heart. It had a name, too, and Aqua knew.
Eraqus had trusted they'd never have feelings like this one for one another and especially not for Ventus, but there it was, as clear as day, what Aqua had been evading to name for five months now.
Possessiveness.
And Aqua wasn't sure if she wanted to scold him for it or simply let him do whatever. Her consciousness was slipping away and fighting the sudden urge to sleep was not doing her any favors. She muttered something she didn't even comprehend and let sleep take over her. Her heart ached with the familiarity and strangeness of it all. Terra hummed something she didn't register and kissed the top of her head, letting go of her and getting out of bed.
* * *
The rage had died down as quickly as it came. The Heartless was ruthless. If Xehanort had been anything like him on his youth, then Xehanort truly was a monster, Terra mused. He had spent twelve years locked in a constant state of anger, a constant state of retribution. Only for it to bubble up and be overwhelmed by something else, far more primal.
Need.
Eraqus had taught him composure, but never control. And that was something the Heartless excelled over. He was not overpowered, no, his senses were there. The Heartless spoke with quiet calm, a sort of acceptance over his fate that Terra wouldn't wish upon anyone but Xehanort himself. He almost sounded like Riku, at some point, but that made sense. Riku gave him his senses when Xemnas took over with the memories of both Xehanort and Terra.
Wonk ouy naht noitceffa erom deen I—
He reached for Aqua in a way Terra would have done himself if he could. A strange, strange fondness, a light in the dark, something that shouldn't be there. Something all of them had. He felt the Station changing, the core moving, adapting, the heart beating in three different rhythms. Layers, Terra mused, bewildered. The glasses were layered.
Snoitome eurt deen I—
Mirror. Xemnas wasn't like him at all, but it was like staring at a mirror. Tall, like him, but imposing. His eyes, though. Xemnas' eyes were definitely Terra's. He had so much pain, concern, doubt. And yet they were dull, distant, cold and empty. He looked horribly lonely, and yet didn't look anything at all.
Xemnas moved. A spasm. The left hand. Terra swallowed. Gods, they were so much alike it was terrifying. They were nothing like each other, still.
"Terra,"
A woman. Not a voice he knew, not at all.
Layers.
Xemnas' face contorted, at first just as confused as Terra, and then in realization. He stared at Terra, and the loneliness was overbearing, and Terra didn't dare look away. There was a want for consolation, a need for warmth he had never seen. From what Naminé had told him, Xemnas wasn't cruel perse, he was just detatched. He was there and he wasn't, but he hadn't been cruel. Not like DiZ — or Ansem The Wise, he should say.
Neither had been Isa or Marluxia, she had said. They wanted something out of her she couldn't provide, and Xemnas alone hadn't been an eager person either. He would sit, quiet, and just let her be, the few times he had ever visited her. The Heartless, the Seaker, he had been insistant. Loud, powerful, all laughs and monologues. Much like Xehanort, he'd egg someone in until they caved. He had changed, though. Riku changed him. He learned with Riku, somehow. Adapted. Accepted.
"Terra...?"
There she was again. Xemnas gave him a poignant stare. Terra frowned. He didn't knew that voice.
Xemnas moved again. A step. Another step. Closer, head shaking so slow it might've been an illusion. Another step. A few other steps. He closed the distance with his arm stretch over Terra. Touched his face. It felt different than it should. Terra was expecting pain, because Xemnas had been a painful experience for him and for the children he hurt — but that wasn't his fault, was it? Wasn't it?
"A boy," The woman whispered.
Laughter followed. From her, from inside the Station.
"My boy!"
Xemnas searched something on his face. A change, maybe. He eyed Terra not like the mirror he was, but as something worth noticing. Not like Eraqus when he found him in the debris, dust and stone all around and over him. Xemnas didn't pity him, like the Seeker didn't, also. Mouthed something. There was some sort of reverence there, a nod to the past.
Hunger.
Terra blinked. The giggles died out.
"I love you," She said, whispered, quiet, just for him.
Xemnas scrunched his nose. His hand cupped Terra's cheek, his thumb stroke a few times, tentatively. His eyes narrowed, as if calculating something.
"You do not yet know," Xemnas said.
His voice was not Terra's. Not Xehanort's either. It made Terra's core ache. He sounded familiar. It must have been shown how much it terrified Terra, because it was the first time Xemnas smiled.
"In time."
Terra felt frozen, like a statue of himself. He noticed, then, what in the hells was Xemnas wearing. He should be wearing the Organization cloak, since that was all he ever wore according to Lea, Riku and Naminé. He wore Terra's hidden clothes, the ones he could never use, the ones Eraqus had restored and kept away in secrecy, the ones that belonged to his lost family. His first family. The books he read on the etiquette of the kingdoms around where Eraqus had found him didn't taught him much, but he once wore these clothes almost the same way.
Except Xemnas wore them better. Like he owned them, as if he knew exactly how to tie the nots and close the belts and buttons. Black and gold dressed them both strangely well, he'd give the Nobody that.
Terra flinched away from him, and it pained Terra as much as it relieved him. His hands were shaking.
"You will emerge," Xemnas reassured, distant. "In due time."
Layers.
Xemnas stared at the glass floor, at Terra's light. He hummed, tilted his head. And. And walked away. Terra felt his lips parting, his fingers twitching with barely concealed anticipation. For a horrifying moment, Terra almost asked him to stop, to stay, to explain, to talk again, even if it made the Station's light dim and his entire soul ache.
"Give him back,"
Ansem practically shoved him back to his body, and it hurt. Gods, it hurt. His lungs felt as if melting, his body hurt as if stones had fallen over him, a ceiling falling over his head, chandelier and all.
Where did that come from? He felt eyes on him, but he couldn't tell if they were Aqua's, Ansem's, or Xemnas'. Or someone else's. He choked.
Everything hurt, but not physically. It hurt like suppression, like when Xehanort forced his heart out.
He was half listening to what Aqua was saying, something about trust and truths. He could make what was her intention, anyhow. Be truthful. Stop hiding, stop isolating, start talking. To trust.
Terra could do that. He could that no—
His body moved on it's own. Casted Sleep, then Silence. Terra blinked, confused. He let go of Aqua a moment after. Crawled out of bed. Covered her with his father's blankets and let her rest peacefully.
He went to Eraqus' wardrobe, opened the hidden passage to the closet, stared at the cabinet with his old clothes, the restored ones that didn't quite belong to him but were his all the same, the paintings. Inside one of the desk drawers he found a pouch filled with jewelry, some old, some he had never dared to touch, the ornaments Eraqus sometimes made him use for the old masters to identify him as someone important, even though he never really felt as important as his ancestors in the paintings he saw.
The other desk had a pouch custom made for Aqua, though she didn't knew about it. Terra did. Before their Mastery exam, Eraqus had paid his last friend a visit — besides Xehanort, that was. Her grave was simple, yet held much more peace than the others, than the Graveyard itself. There was no guilt, no battles fought, no terrible fate, no end to misery.
One of the reasons for his surge of darkness at that time was this. He didn't— he would never have that.
All I do, I do for friendship.
No matter the cost, I'm ready to pay it.
Rage. Envy. Jealousy. Possessiveness. Power. It was all he had seen in darkness. It was what Eraqus had seen inside him as well, so deeply concerned about his path that he hadn't seen the light in the dark.
He was all of that, yes. And love, warmth and bright and clear. It didn't blind him. It guided, it gave, managed, cradled, kept. Terra had always thought of his own darkness as hot oil because of how defensive he had been over it. It wasn't. It was just more difficult than light, was all. It was warm, yes, but it didn't burn. Not anymore. It stained, and descended, splattered, but it was controlled.
It was blood, a part of him.
I am enough, He thought as he took Aqua's Mastery present. I don't need to hate these feelings anymore.
He walked downstairs, stared at the commotion in the main area. Roxas stared at him, pointed with Oblivion to Vanitas. Terra shook his head no. Roxas nodded, then, and walked away from the common area, leaving just Chirithy to speak. Terra observed.
Vanitas was different from Ansem, in many ways. He wasn't a Heartless, he was something older. He moved in the shadows as if he was one with it and not a byproduct of it. Ancient, complete, yet desperate and lonely. He spoke with Chirithy with a finality on his voice that Terra doubted Ventus had.
Said that they were fine the way they were, except they clung to one another as if they needed to be on each other's space to feel anything at all. If Ventus had overproduced darkness to compensate for the loss of Vanitas, could Vanitas produce light?
No. He felt his head buzzing. Felt Ansem answering.
No, he could not.
Darkness needs to be contained and connected. It chases, but never gives.
Vanitas stared at him. "You reek."
Ventus' startled. Turned to him, wide eyed. "Hey, Terra. Uhm... Uh... He's—"
"It's fine." Terra finally moved. "He's a part of you, so it's fine. As long as he doesn't try to kill anyone, that is. Or merge with you."
Vanitas narrowed his eyes at Terra, but didn't say anything. Chirithy chuckled and muttered a happy "Oh, my!" and walked beside Terra, away from the common area and into the Gardens.
Terra wanted to speak with Eraqus for a while.
Notes:
The Terra part was a bit too fun to write
Chapter 5: The Quiet
Summary:
Aqua takes Ventus to an old friend of hers.
Notes:
None of what is said in this chapter is anywhere near canon. I just like to believe there were more keybearers but they gave up — not everyone is a hero, at the end of the day. And not everyone can endure. So!
A bit of the characters mentioned (created for this fic specifically): they were kids under the dying masters of Eraqus and Xehanort before they bit the dust for good. Liz is a mage and Yoric is a warrior (for FF standards, that is, in Disney standards they're both magical quirky adults) and Katya is their offspring :D
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Vanitas stood there for the rest of the day, much to Roxas' and Naminé's dismay. He didn't partook in sparring with them, just as Isa said he wouldn't. His eyes never left Ventus, not for one second.
Whenever Ventus got hurt, — even when he didn't notice — he got healed. Vanitas barely even breathed, barely moved. He didn't need his Keyblade to cast magic, just like Aqua, but he didn't seem to tire himself like she did if she casted for long hours. Naminé could cast for longer, and before Vanitas showed up, they had suspected it had to be because of Kairi's heart. Now they were sure.
Kairi barely used magic at all, but Cure had been learned, and hers and Naminé's had the exact same scent. Just like Ventus' and Vanitas' Cure.
They had been correcting each other's stances so they'd be ready for any kind of attack when Aqua came from the Castle, eyes focused on one target only, and Ventus stopped at the exact moment Roxas slashed with Oathkeeper. Lea winced when Aqua stopped dead on her tracks. If Oathkeeper had hit him, it would've been nasty, and Lea knew very well Roxas wasn't even givin him everything he could.
Ventus blinked, confused. He didn't knew how to cast any kind of Barrier — which would have been very useful a few years back. He stared at Aqua, but Aqua had her eyes set on Vanitas.
Slowly, everyone turned around, all eyes on Ventus' counterpart. He just shrugged. Aqua's eyes narrowed, but she didn't say anything. They really did had bad blood, Lea thought, shaking his head lightly. That would be difficult. He couldn't imagine hating a part of Roxas at all. Lea tilted his head a little. Maybe Aqua didn't saw it that way, then.
Maybe she saw Vanitas as something to purge, like Xehanort, and not as an extension of Ventus. Lea narrowed his eyes. Roxas told him that Sora had been very vocal and focused on the You're you, you deserve to be you kind of thing to even consider Roxas a part of him, so maybe Mickey had been right. Aqua was just like Sora on that regard.
"... Thanks?" Ventus said with half a smile.
He looked kind of worried. Vanitas simply blinked.
"You should cut," He said, probably to Ventus, but then his eyes snapped to Roxas. "Slashing is easy to hold with a Barrier. Cutting isn't."
Roxas raised an eyebrow. He turned to Ventus, who just shrugged and nodded.
"Wait," Lea murmured to Naminé. "Really? Cutting is better than slashing through a barrier?"
Naminé giggled. "It's why Sora was a menace, really. He probably didn't knew, he just figured."
Isa sighed. "Like he figured stacking and dashing at the same time."
Lea blinked at him, flabbergasted. "Sta— are you serious?"
"Yeah," Isa hummed. "It's why Roxas is... Well."
Naminé nodded vehemently.
Xion crossed her arms. "Roxas is...?"
Naminé scrunched her nose and shook her head. "Nevermind."
Roxas dashed forward at the same time Ventus did, but Ventus hold on his Keyblade was light. Too light. He let go when Oblivion hit, and rolled down. One second, Ventus was floating, the other, Roxas had faceplanted on the ground. Lea blinked. Isa smiled.
Roxas got up laughing. Hard. His nose was bleeding and so was his left brow. The sweetest Cure was casted on him, Lea could almost taste the grapes. Roxas beamed at Naminé. Ventus patted his head and Roxas snorted. They whispered things to each other and Roxas walked to Lea and Xion.
"He got me this time," He snickered. "I'll get him back."
"Sure you will," Xion nodded. "You even got advice this time!"
Roxas sighed and leaned back on the white stones. "I don't know if he's trying to help or not, honestly."
"That reminds me," Lea tapped Naminé's shoulder. "He's a darkness user, yes? I thought darkness had a spicy scent or something."
Naminé snorted. "Riku told you that, didn't he?"
Lea shrugged. Isa frowned and mouthed spicy? to Xion. She chuckled and shrugged.
"It goes with the user, if I had to guess." Naminé stared at the floor. "Marluxia didn't just used flowers for show, you know. He did smelled like them. But he still had a... Citric scent? Not spicy."
"Oh, citric!" Lea snapped his fingers. "That actually makes more sense than spicy."
"So did Sora, and he isn't a darkness user." Roxas pointed out. Naminé nodded. "Maybe it's the person? He does looks like Sora."
"Magic doesn't function like that, Roxas," Naminé shook her head slightly, giggling. "Who knows?"
"Aqua might!" Xion said, eager. "She's a master, and a caster!"
"So is Merlin," Lea said. "And Yensid. And the Godmother... Gods. Magic is way more complicated than what I thought."
"Maybe because you never really think," Isa mumbled.
"Oh, Come on!" Lea grimaced. "Do you?"
Isa hummed. Stared at. Vanitas, analyzing. Then he walked over to the darkness user, making Xion and Lea swallow. Roxas' eyes narrowed and he held Naminé's hand for good measure. If Vanitas tried anything like Xemnas did, he'd be ready.
Whatever it was that Isa spoke with Vanitas, it had been very short, and Ventus got in the way, apparently, so when Isa returned — not even a full minute later —, Ventus and Vanitas came with him.
"What were you curious about?" Isa innocently asked.
Roxas huffed. Xion gaped. Lea blinked. Naminé bit her lip and let go, gathering courage.
"Is there an specific scent to Darkness? Riku says it has, but maybe it's just the magic. We're debating."
Ventus frowned. "I don't think magic has a scent."
Vanitas raised an eyebrow at Naminé but didn't say anything. Ventus waved a hand, then, as if remembering something important.
"No, you're right!" He chuckled. "Darkness does have a scent. And a taste, but that's not really important. It's like... Uhm. Oranges or lemons."
Roxas blinked, slow. "Oranges. You're telling me you sniff the Dark and it's... Oranges?"
"Sora smelled like Papou and Lemon," Naminé pointed out. Roxas grimaced.
"What do you mean it has a taste?" Xion asked quietly, brows lightly creased.
Vanitas eyed Isa, then Lea. They both exchanged looks and then Lea coughed.
"I think we had enough for today, yeah? Thanks for joining at the end, Ven!" Lea said, trying to sound laid-back. Isa nodded.
Ven beamed and waved at them as they passed past the gates of the Castle and walked into the forest. He turned to Vanitas, still all bright smiles.
"Hey, thanks for today, really." He said, and he meant every word. "I know this isn't—"
"Quiet," Vanitas hissed.
And then he simply disappeared inside the shadows of the gates. Ventus stared at the gates, dumbfounded. Then he frowned. That was starting to be annoying. His hands were warm, way too warm. He willed Wayward Wind back to existence, as if the Keyblade would give him a sign or answer his questions. He ate Lux, apparently, but Lux wasn't around anymore, as Chirithy said. Was the Heart he dove back his own or Vanitas'? If it was his own, then why were the glasses layered?
His Heart should be brand new, with his connections intact, not bleeding out Darkness like that. The glasses held the emotions, Even and Ansem had told them. And his were broken. It made no sense.
Made no sense for it to be Vanitas' Heart either because when Ventus broke their Heart, he broke it for good, they both had found solace inside Sora's. So Vanitas was supposed to be balanced now, even if he pledged alliance to Darkness and let himself get corrupted again, it still made no sense for his heart to bleed out like that.
Did something else happened?
Did Xehanort did something else to Vanitas while he thought Ventus was dead? No, no. It had to be something else. Vanitas said it himself, what Xehanort broke wasn't just the Heart, it was the Station itself. The Core of what made the Heart.
Vanitas wasn't his negativity, not entirely, but something far older, ancient. And he approached Ventus in the shadows of Fountain Square, not in The Badlands, so Vanitas existed long before Ventus had lost his memories of his first life. What did he said? That he followed an Order and it had something to do with Ventus — that Ventus was important to them.
He stared at his Keyblade. Damn. It really did bring him clarity. Master Eraqus was right, the Keyblades were forged by the Heart, it would light their way no matter what. Maybe it was why Lost Memory—
Ventus frowned. Lost Memory. Vanitas hadn't sommoned neither of his Keyblades yet. His? No, Lost Memory was theirs, so maybe Ventus could call it over. With the memories of his past life he did have. Something clicked. Ventus' eyes widened.
Vanitas was the part of him that remembered.
Chirithy could reach to Vanitas' Heart and split the memories for both of them! Or maybe—
"Ven!"
He turned to the Castle. Aqua waved at him. Ventus smiled a bit, confused. Why had she summoned her glider? And Terra as well? He raised an eyebrow as he walked over to them.
"You guys leaving Land of Departure now?" He asked.
"No, we're going into the villages," Terra shook his head. "Grocery shopping. And Aqua wants to show you a friend of hers."
Ventus' eyes widened with surprise. He caught himself smiled, beaming at them. Master Eraqus had never allowed him to go to the villages, only in the rivers near them. That Aqua had friends down there wasn't surprising, but that after five months she finally brought herself to let them know Ventus existed made him giddy.
"Wait! Let me shower real quick!" He said as he ran to the Castle. "I need to look good!"
Aqua snorted as Ventus stormed the Castle.
Then she turned to Terra, all worried eyes and exasperated sighs. He shrugged. Aqua slapped him.
Terra winced and chuckled. "What's that for?"
"Casting Sleep on the room, thank you very much." Aqua shook her head. "I know you didn't do it on purpose, but... Vanitas? Really?"
Terra let out a long sigh. "He's a part of Ventus. We don't have to like it, just... If Ventus is okay with him around, then we should too. You said it yourself, we should stop hiding things from each other."
Aqua breathed in. "You're right. It's... I don't trust him. He could've ran away from Xehanort, but he didn't. He worked with him all these years. What if... What if he didn't let go of that need to forge the—"
"He doesn't want that," Terra stared at the Castle. "You saw it. If he wanted Ventus hurt he would've let the slash pass through the barrier."
Aqua was quiet for a long moment.
"You think she'll like him?"
Terra slowly tore his eyes back to Aqua. "I'd be more worried about Ventus not liking the villages than Liz not liking him."
"It's been months since I told her about Ven," Aqua grimaced. "I think she forgot it already."
Terra snorted. "Did you told Yoric?"
Aqua slapped him again as Ven ran toward them, summoning his own glider.
* * *
Not all houses were white, Ventus noted in amusement. Pastel colours were everywhere. The markets were the only much needed splash of colour in the small towns they passed by. Terra went back to the Castle with everything they bought, and Aqua guided him through one of the town's squares, into a house. It was simple enough, white columns and light blue walls. The deep blue wood was certainly a choice. It almost reminded him of Day—
Ventus winced as Aqua knocked on the door. Everything was loud and way too quiet at the same time, and Ventus felt cold sweat running down his spine. Why was he anxious all of sudden?
A woman about thirty something opened the door. Her light pink hair was tied up in a messy braid and her brown eyes were gentle enough that Ventus tried to relax a bit. It was only then he noticed the little girl on her arms, staring at him wide eyed. The girl's hair was a bit funny, it started as deep pink and turned light blond at the ends. Her eyes were hazel, different from her mother's, but she looked almost the same as the woman that held her.
"Oh!" The lady smiled, bright. "He looks absolutely nothing like you!"
Aqua groaned. "Because he's not—"
"Here, here!" She silenced Aqua by practically throwing the child at her and hugged a very confused Ventus. "Oh, by Minerva! Your hair is so soft! At least he's got that from you!"
Ventus let out a distraught squeak, but it only managed to make the lady laugh. She patted his shoulders after her quick hug.
"I'm Liz," The lady chuckled. "And this is my girl Katya."
The child managed to squeak out a high pitched "Hi!" to Ventus and hid her face again over Aqua's shoulder.
"I'm Ventus," He managed to say and he was going to tell her how pleased he was to meet her but his introduction was immediately shut down by another hug. Aqua snorted at his effort to hug her back.
"Ooooh, I know!" Liz said in a sing-song manner. "You're what? Ten?"
Ventus opened his mouth to answer but Liz cut him.
"No, you're a bit too tall to be ten... But I suppose that's Ter—"
Katya pulled her mother's arm, interrupting. Liz took her child back to her arms with a mischievous grin.
"I didn't knew master Eraqus was so eager to marry you guys," She said to Aqua.
Ventus narrowed his eyes at his master. "He was?"
Aqua muttered something and then sighed. "He's not mine, Liz." The tip of her ears became pink. "And not Terra's either! He's a very dear friend and we look after him, nothing more."
"Aaaahhh," Liz nodded vehemently. "So what you're saying is that he's adopted! That's so sweet! Come in, Venty, let's drink something! It's getting late anyway."
Liz let go of Katya and pulled both Ventus and Aqua to her living room, closing the door once they were settled. No one aside of Vanitas called him Venty but he supposed it was fine if it had no malice behind it. As soon as she came back from the door, she went to the kitchen. The child eagerly ran upstairs as Liz told her to finish her homework.
"I said it once, I'll say it again," Liz slapped something. "You haven't aged a day since the wedding!"
Ventus stared at Aqua, dumbfounded. Aqua shrugged. He mouthed 'Your marriage?!' and Aqua hid her face with her hands. It was a common practice of her when she was flustered. The shake of her head was all he got as an answer.
"And where's my man Terra?!" Liz kept going. "Yoric will come home soon enough, by the way, so you can dicuss the really important universe matters with him later on."
Ventus blinked slowly, trying to piece the puzzle that the lady threw at him with words. Aqua, on the other hand, had found herself a cup of tea and as soon as Liz brought the cookies, her hands were full. He figured he could deal with her like he did in the Other Worlds, the people he couldn't really interfere.
"And you, pretty boy," Liz sit on the other couch. "Ventus, the adopted child! How's life under ma' Aqua and dad Terra?"
Ventus opened his mouth. Tried not to laugh. Failed.
"They're- oh, Gods. Okay! They're not..." He breathed in again, mischief gnawing his mind. "They're more mentors than parents, I tell you that."
"Ven," Aqua hissed.
"Yeah, figured," Liz said, dramatically lower. "These two! Master Eraqus tried so hard to get them on the right path, is all they know."
"Oh, don't worry," Ventus waved a hand, just as dramatically. "They're on a path, alright."
"Ven!" Aqua said in a shocked tone.
"Oh? Do tell me so,"
Ventus grinned. "Terra tried to conquer the world."
It was quiet. Deadly so.
Liz bursted in laughter after a beat. Aqua shook her head in dismay and ate the cookies with silent prayers. Liz was still laughing when she asked for details on that endeavor, saying things among the lines of "I knew this would happen", "Old Master Odin would have died in a heart attack if he saw that!" and "That explains a lot" at the end of Ven's very detailed explanation of their fight against Xehanort in the Graveyard.
Aqua figured Liz didn't had anyone to tell her about the new Keyblade wielders, nor did she have anyone else to tell these stories. And it was... Nice. It was nice seeing her, how her life had resumed and moved on even in the absence of her Keyblade. That she had found herself in something else besides the fighting and magic. Though she still pretty much used magic to move things around, it was quiet and focused, not loud and protective like Aqua's.
"I'm so sorry, Venty," Liz said after the conversation shifted from the Graveyard to how master Eraqus had found him. "That sounds awful."
"Ah, don't worry about it," Ventus shrugged. "We all have bad days. I guess I was just not really lucky and had bad years."
"But how long did master Xehanort train you?" Liz frowned. "He was really selfish, but I guess none of the masters wanted to compromise with that."
"A few months," Ventus said truthfully. "When he found me, I didn't even knew my name. But I got it back after a while."
Aqua stared at her cookies. Ventus barely ever spoke about that time, but she could guess why. There was a slight tremor to his voice, even if he toughed it out with a smile. The very same thing Sora did whenever he said he could take it.
"He tried convincing me that it was for a good cause and all," Ventus shook his head slightly. "World balance or something. I didn't trust him, so he did what he did. I didn't think he expected my negativity to be sentient, but it definitely delighted him."
Aqua swallowed. Stared at Liz. Liz stared back.
"When you broke, he went to Terra instead." Liz sighed. "Well, he's gone now, that old coot. And you won, Venty! You're here! Alive, breathing, fighting!"
Ventus chuckled. "Yeah! And I have more than he could ever take."
Liz smiled, bright. "You have a family, Ventus," She said softly. And then snorted. "Do you want siblings or you're the one keeping them from it?"
Aqua groaned. Ventus put both his hands over his mouth, eyes shining bright with tears. Liz's smile faltered, and Aqua frowned at Ventus.
He turned slowly to Aqua. "You guys can make me siblings?" Ventus whispered in awe.
Liz laughed so hard she choked on her tea. Aqua looked so astonished she didn't even hid her face this time, and it was down right red.
"No?" She squeak out. "Don't— You already have one!"
Ventus sniffed an waved a hand. "Oh, Vanitas doesn't count. He's a part of me, my other half." Ventus shook his head in theatrical disappointment. "He calls me brother as an insult, Aqua. A real sibling, on the other hand...!"
The front door creaked open. "Liz, you won't beli—"
The man with light blond hair and a few black strands stared at Aqua and Ven, and then at Liz, and then at someone behind him. His light blue eyes narrowed at Ventus and Ven swallowed.
"He's blond." The man said.
Liz tried not to laugh again, hand on her belly, muttering things like "I can't take it anymore" as the man walked over. Terra came into view shortly after.
He wasn't wearing anything that Ventus knew. It looked like clothes that a King would wear in the Other Worlds. The fabrics looked all expensive, black and gold tailored to perfection, weaved in lines that didn't made sense to him. The clothes looked a bit casual, but Terra looked like a King, still, and for a moment, Ventus thought he might have been one, some sort of Lost King of someplace like Rapunzel had been a Lost Princess to Corona.
And then he scooted the stray thought away. Master Eraqus would've said something if they had royals on the Castle, he definitely would. At least to Ventus and Aqua, that was. The clothes fit Terra perfectly, as if he was meant to wear them, and though his normal clothes did fit him, they were mostly connected to Eraqus in some way — to signal Terra's importance to Eraqus himself. This was Terra's alone.
"Oh, wow," Liz whistled. "Long hair, black and gold? Are we having a Month of Lights festival and I wasn't invited? Is this was this is?"
"No," Terra snorted.
"Katya! I'm home!" The man said loudly enough to be heard from upstairs, then his voice toned down a few. "Why is he blond?"
"Oh, please, not you either." Aqua grimaced. "He's sixteen."
The man crossed his arms. "I see."
Liz chuckled as the man sit beside her and Terra sit beside Ventus, tapping at Ven's knee a little.
"This lovely teenager is Ventus, my love," Liz explained. "He was adopted by Eraqus after Xehanort broke the baby with his visions of world conquering."
Terra chuckled, amused. "Oh, that's a way to put it."
"Oh?" The man stared at Ventus for a few quiet seconds. "You remind me of someone."
"Huh?" Aqua and Ventus said at the same time.
"Not some, a portrait, more likely." The man shrugged. "It's in the public library. I think it was a donation or something. Some guy in a black coat was looking for a girl — had paintings of her and a little boy. I think... He was looking for them both."
Terra visibly flinched. Aqua and Ven both offered a hand, already expecting his eyes to glimmer with gold and Xemnas to resume control. But nothing happened. Aqua breathed out, still warry.
"Yoric," She turned to the man. "When was that?"
"I'm guessing after the Castle was moved."
Terra's lips parted lightly. Ven frowned.
"Moved?"
Liz nodded solemnly. "Yeah, about twelve years or so. We thought something might've happened to you guys— and now with your story, well, it makes sense."
Aqua bit her lower lip. Released it. "It was me. I turned it to Castle Oblivion. Sorry, at the time I didn't really thought about the villages since the grounds of the Castle are so high above."
Yoric waved a hand. "Don't worry. The people wandering around the Castle got lost most times. Just three of them even bothered witht the cities here."
Ven found himself fidgety, unable to sit still. "But the guy with the painting?"
"Ah, he came here fairly often. He said the town reminded him of home."
Aqua frowned at that, but said nothing. Ventus nodded.
"So it might've been you, Terra." He said, soft.
Yoric raised an eyebrow. "Unless you shrunk a few centimeters, lost weight and dyed your hair pink, then sure, yeah."
"Marluxia," Terra mumbled.
"Wait, you said there were three of them that came and went often, yeah?" Ventus tilted his head. "Pink hair dude, and who were the other two?"
"Well, it could have been Terra," Liz offered. "By the way he walked, how tall he was and all but he was quiet. And well, his hair was bigger. And white? Silver, something like that."
Aqua wrinkled her nose. "Yeah, no, that's Terra. It was Terra— after Xehanort possessed him."
Yoric grimaced. Liz shook her head.
"Let me guess," Terra said lightly. "The other one had an eye patch."
Yoric gaped at him. Liz snorted. "Very creati—"
"Long brown hair, grey strands, eye patch?" Terra offered. "Scar on his face."
"Yeah," Yoric stuttered. "Wow. You do know him. You have memories of when you were possessed?"
"No," Terra said. "But you know from the old books. Nobodies and Heartless."
"Oh," Liz grimaced. "Ohhhh, Terra, I'm so sorry."
He shrugged. "It's fine. I'd guess my Nobody came here without the others knowing, and Braig came to report. But Marluxia...? Searching for someone?"
"Ansem might know." Aqua said, sudden. "The Seeker said he would."
Ventus coughed. "That's whom Terra was channeling this morning?!"
Terra grimaced. "You make it sound like I'm a radio station of Darkness."
Yoric raised an eyebrow at him. Terra crossed his arms and shook his head in defeat.
Liz decided to break the silence again. "So, who's this Seeker?"
"My Heartless," Terra winced at the glare Aqua gave him. "Well, Xehanort's Heartless of when he possessed me, to be specific."
"Gods, this is such a mess of a story." Liz held Yoric's hand. "I can't imagine having to fight the lo— my friends, much less all of them possessed. I'm so sorry, Aqua."
Aqua gave her a weak smile. "We forgave each other."
"Your Heartless can..." Yoric frowned, then. "He's inside you, isn't he?"
Terra closed his eyes and sighed, leaning back into the couch. Aqua and Ven turned their eyes down to their hands.
"Both?" Liz said, in awe. "You really are the strongest of the apprentices, wow. I don't think I've ever heard of a Nobody and a Heartless being stuck with their Somebody. It isn't something we have in the books. It's not something we learned."
Ven grinned. "My friends are all strong, you know. I have good taste."
"Terra's special," Liz grinned back, the mischief clear. "Did you know when we were younger, he was this all high and mighty—"
"Oh, please," Aqua slapped her own forehead. "Leave Ventus out of it."
Ventus giggled. "What? All dreams and honor?"
Terra opened his eyes. "Like you aren't now, huh."
Yoric snorted. "He was grumpy, not high and not mighty at all. The younglings were easy to please."
"Grumpy? Terra?" Ventus turned to his mentor. "I mean, you do have a tendency, but all the time? Maybe that's where Xemnas got it from."
Terra frowned at Ventus. "He got it from Xehanort."
"Give us a pout too," Yoric joined. "Will look just like you did when you turned eighteen."
Terra did, in fact, gave Yoric a pout. At the same time Aqua spilled a bit of her fifth cup of tea. Liz laughed hard again, leaning on Yoric and shaking her head. Ventus giggled with them as Aqua crossed her arms, hissing at Liz and Yoric.
"Oh, bad memories, huh?" The blond man said, not as polite as anything he commented on before.
"The golden apprentices breaking rules together," Liz sing sung, teasing. "But really, sleeping in the same room without notifying a master beforehand could have expelled either of you."
Terra rolled his eyes and turned to Ventus. "Dumb laws. Thankfully none of what Yensid instructed us now has any of it. The old masters were strict."
"Even master Eraqus?" Ven asked curiously.
All of them nodded. Aqua sighed. "The Castle had many rules before people went through their Mastery Exam, most of them gave up before it. And, well, some of us were kids so I guess the rules were fine."
Liz shook her head, smiling. "Of course you'd say that."
"The Unions didn't had rules like that," Ventus said, still smiling as he took a cookie to his mouth.
Then the pain hit. He felt both Terra's and Aqua's hands, heard voices. None of it made sense. He didn't knew these people, so why were they touching him? He missed Skuld and Ephemer. He missed master Ava and sometimes master Invi too.
His head felt as if it was about to explode, and Ventus felt as if throwing up. Everything hurt. It was all he was, all he'd ever be. Pain. His body felt like jelly, he couldn't move, couldn't breathe, couldn't think; it was all pain. Hurt. All there ever was.
A hand reached for him, slow, hidden in the shadows. Ven took it, desperately. It was cold against his skin, and he felt too warm to care. It was nice and it was his and he should take it. Take it.
Take the book. Yeah, the book. If he took her book he'd have friends? Yeah? The hand reached lower, from his hair to his neck. Ventus shuddered. Yeah! Yeah, if he took the book, he'd have lots of friends.
They promised it.
And he was theirs. Each one of them.
Twelve. Twelve of something, for someone.
No, it didn't made sense.
It was supposed to be thirteen. Xehanort had been right, but not on everything. Because he couldn't see for what it was. Darkness chases, it can't create.
It never gives.
Tirtheen. Vessels. They were supposed to be Vessels.
Tirtheen of Dark, Seven of Light. You got one gray.
Ventus opened his eyes. Oh, not again! Since when the Station came to him when he was in pain like that? He frowned. Oh, this was not his Heart. Whose—
He shouted.
And shouted.
And shouted.
And—
"Ventus?"
A hand held him. A girl. Black long hair, white blouse, black skirt, black jacket. She smiled at him.
"Ven!" Skuld hugged him. "Ven! Oh, by the Gods! I thought I was the only one left!"
Who—
"Where's Elrena? And Lauriam?" Skuld shook him a bit. "Ven, where are they? Brain and Ephemer said they'd hold the capsules a bit, that everybody would be in a different time... Ven? Ven, what's wrong?"
Who... Who was she? Ventus moved away, panicking. His hands were shaking.
"I don't know you," He stuttered. "I— I don't know you! Let me go!"
Skuld frowned. "Ven, what are you talking about? I'm Skuld! Your friend! Why...?"
Ventus was at the edge of her Station. Skuld's eyes widened. "Wait! You're gonna fall!"
"STOP TALKING TO ME LIKE YOU KNOW ME!"
Skuld flinched. Her hands reached again, but she stopped mid way. Looked down at them, shook her head. Stared at Ventus with quiet resignation.
The Station started to fade away.
"You're right, Ventus." She said quietly. "I don't know you."
Notes:
Silly me, writing fluff thinking it wouldn't turn into depression
Chapter 6: Offering
Summary:
Ventus gives Vanitas something he wants to get something he needs.
Notes:
I started this chapter with a clear view: make stuff very metaphorical at the beginning because the real bodily pain will be in the next part of the chapter, like Chapter 2! And then this happened. Oh well akfkekrjejfjejensj
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
All the magic that is learned through the books are filtered to cater to the scholars tastes. Unfiltered magic is as rare as finding True Suns in the Lanes Between. A Heart of Pure Light can create magic on it's own, and a Heart of Pure Darkness can bring forth magic that is not conveniently filtered. They're parts of one another, in a way. Rare as they can be.
He hadn't been a Pure Light in months, but being in another Station had taken it's toll.
When Ventus woke up, he still felt the burn of Skuld's words. He knew her name, her voice, her appearance, but he didn't knew her, he didn't remember anything she liked or disliked. Nothing.
He didn't woke up at home either, which was some news. Or at least it wasn't a part of the Castle he knew. There were some towers he wasn't allowed in. Ventus stared at the sheets around him. Light green and navy blue. He definitely didn't knew where he was, but that didn't really matter. He could go home at any moment. The lights were soft yellows and blues, inviting Ventus to just go back to sleep.
A door opened. Wood. Ventus looked up a bit. Terra stared at him, propped up against the door frame. He was still dressed up in those odd black clothes with pretty golden lines. Ventus wondered where Aqua was, then, but kept his thoughts to himself.
"Hey, you're awake," He smiled at Ventus.
"Where are we?"
"At Liz, still."
Ventus blinked. He smiled sheepishly. "For how long was I out?"
"About thirty minutes," Terra moved from the door to the bed. "Don't worry about it, by the way. She said her grandmother had the same problem so they set up this room for when she had this lapses."
Ventus tilted his head. "So what I have is normal?"
Terra snorted. "Well, no. I don't think her grandma had her heart torn appart from her for twelve years."
Ventus chuckled a bit, then he stared at his own hands. "I found a friend."
Terra perked up at that. "A connection called back to you?"
"Yeah. It's just... I don't know her." Ventus shrugged. "I can't remember her at all."
Terra frowned a bit a that. "Your heart does."
Ventus stared up at Terra, right to his eyes. "Hey," He whispered. "You think she's still alive?"
Terra's frown deepened. "... What?"
He smiled and shook his head. "Ah, sorry! I'll call up Chirithy, see what they think. Maybe they know her too!"
"Ven,"
Ventus tilted his head. "Yeah?"
"What you said in the living room," Terra slowed his speech. "About the Unions... Was that something from where you and Chirithy came from?"
Ventus' smile grew over his lips, but the light disappeared from his eyes. "Yeah! Before Xehanort, I think. I don't remember much."
Terra nodded, slowly. "Okay... Do you wanna talk about it? It's why you lapsed, by the way. If you don't want to, we'll understand."
"We?"
Terra's lips closed shut. He looked away. "Yeah, we. Me and Aqua."
Ventus snickered. "It's funny that you're always referring to yourself like that. You and Aqua, never just yourself."
Terra raised an eyebrow at him. "Hey, we're a unit, okay. No one gets left behind."
Ven nodded, the smile finally reaching his eyes. "Kay! Right." His voice dropped. "I don't know what I want, though."
Terra ruffled Ven's hair a bit. "It's okay. You'll figure it out on your own time. Wanna go downstairs?"
Ventus sighed, then. "Do I have to?"
"No, not at all." Terra shrugged as he got up. "Told you. On your own time."
Ventus laid back down and Terra snorted, shaking his head and walking away from the room. He could still hear footsteps, probably going downstairs, and then some light chatting. He focused his eyes on the lights around the room, the blue ones, the yellow ones. Like small stars guiding him back to sleep.
Was he being lured back to sleep? It didn't quite felt right. It felt more like sleep was being held captive in front of him and he had to chase the captor. Though that also didn't quite fit. He wasn't sleepy, but he wanted to drift away all the same.
Ventus felt heavy and lightweight at the same time, some odd balance holding him down on the bed while taking his mind away. Almost as if his body didn't quite fit, like his skin wasn't his own, like there was something missing — because, logically, there was. There was something missing and he couldn't continue on lying to himself to make others happy.
For the second time in five months, Ventus felt himself crying out of grief. Gods, he missed Sora. He missed being around Sora, and being protected by his Heart, the light it brought him, the comfort. They didn't even had time to get to know each other, was the worst part. For the first time in five months, Ventus allowed himself to be angry, and to envy. He could just ask Roxas or Riku about him, but it wouldn't be the same. He barely got to hear him.
Fuck Xehanort. He took Sora from him.
They're dead, a voice murmured inside his mind. They're both dead. The most deep of Darkness and the most bright of Light.
But Ventus didn't really trust that either. Kairi was being researched head to toe so they could find him. Riku started having really odd dreams he wouldn't even share to the Guardians — only Ventus, the King and the protectors of Traverse Town. If Sora was dead, they wouldn't be wasting this much time and resources. They didn't even knew what Sora did to vanish, and if he was dead, Kingdom Key would have passed down to someone else or simply appeared in essence back at the Stars as Sora's Light. Like it happened to his fallen comrades.
Yensid and Merlin would know about it. And that wasn't the case at all. Sora's light still shone in the stars, albeit very dim, but it was there! It was shining! Alive! Yensid would've told them if not.
Ventus cried himself to sleep. There were no dreams this time, no lapses either. There were sounds, like the humming of machinery, but nothing else. Or...
Brain was speaking. No, no, not Brain.
Something older. Something soft, and sweet, nicely scented. It called his name and he answered. A hand, tentative, guarded, frail. Wary of the touch and touching nonetheless. A bite, tasting, testing, figuring boundaries as it chewed. It wasn't bad, no. It felt right, felt like the pieces finally aligned, like he had never even been broken apart. Like his time with Xehanort had never existed in the first place.
Teeth and nail took away his envy first, a pressure releasing, slow, much different from how it came. Then, a bit more confident and eager, it begun taking his anger. It felt so nice, so, so nice. It hurt, though, but it was manageable. It was a good kind of pain, a good kind of hurt. The necessary kind.
The tip of fingers touched his neck, light and warm. Ventus exhaled, slowly, tracking with his mind where the fingers crawled over his skin. It wasn't his hand, this much he was sure, he wouldn't touch himself like that — no one did. He was fairly certain he was hallucinating the whole thing, but it was comforting even if it wasn't real. The mattress felt heavier.
Ventus giggled lightly.
Oh, how the mighty fell.
He could even sense breathing down his neck before the biting, which would have startled him if his mind wasn't dead set on thinking Vanitas' hand was a fabrication of his desparate, desolate Heart. Ventus breathed in the scent of caramel and lemonade, almost choking on it. Well, that was fun. When he did a Dive to the Heart in the Clock Tower, that scent was everywhere. He could almost taste it, back then and right now, too.
Then the breathing was felt over his face. Hm. Ventus risked opening his eyes for a second. A second that turned into multiple. He stared into emptiness, fire, molten gold. His reflection was almost like that of a mirror, and the emptiness surrounded him quite nicely, almost like he'd fit perfectly there.
Like it was meant for him, but that was a really weird thing to think. Even weirder that he wanted to smile at that thought. He managed not to, because the fire rim consumed gold and the emptiness that was left behind was far too great to be meant only for Ventus, but it fit him either way. He blinked. There was a light pressure on his stomach, and beside both his ears, close enough he could hear the bed creak with the weight being forced down.
The fire rim and the molten gold gave way entirely to darkness, to nothingness, and it smelled like sea water, for some reason. Tickled his nose like hair, too. Teeth ran through his jaw and it made his eyes close without a command to do so. A hand moved and pressed down on his chest, first lightly, then it was pressure that made it hard to breathe, hard to think. The bites weren't helping in the thinking process either, whenever teeth ran over his skin his mind would blank immediately.
Ventus should be scared, he really should. This wasn't a normal hallucination. But then again, it simply ate his fear too as soon as it bubbled up. He tried to breathe through his mouth instead of his nose, and that was his biggest mistake of the night. He did breathe in, though, the problem was the breathing out. Teeth had found it's way to his collarbone — and whatever it was that it took from him released so slow it was almost torture.
Ven could lie to himself and say it was a groan of annoyance, and if anyone asked, it wouldn't have happened at all! Hah! His body was not warm, pff, he was just a bit cold! He didn't bare his neck, what a strange assumption. He didn't choke on his own whine when a hand found it's way back to his neck and squeezed. Of course not. Nothing was even happening. He was just having an odd dream.
The sharp pain he felt when shame was taken from him should have been a problem, yes, Ventus was aware of that. But suddenly it didn't matter that he couldn't verbalize words, only sounds. It didn't matter that he was getting a bit louder than he should. It felt right, felt like he was being reforged, reformed, merged, like the pieces had finally lined. That he was being glued back together. Denial was also taken from him, sweet and soft and right from his mouth too. He didn't felt pain of any kind when denial was taken, it tasted too sweet to bring him any pain at all. Instead of releasing pressure, it made him giddy. His mind was blank, body light, and he didn't mind that his fingertips were tingling with magic ready to flow away from it.
"There," Said a million different voices. "Good boy."
Ventus smiled, dizzy. "Tha... Aanks...?"
Different noises were made at the same time. Annoyed scoff, amused humming, delighted squeak, a giddy giggle, a defiant growl. The only one he did recognize was the quiet, almost fond snort.
He figured opening his eyes now wouldn't hurt. Well, how wrong he was. The room was too dark, like it wasn't a room at all. He could see his own reflection and breathing, though his body felt feverish. A multitude of red, purple and yellow eyes stared at him. Ventus reached forward, touched.
He giggled again. It was just as warm as he was, if not exactly the same.
Didn't felt like skin, but it was there, somewhere, beneath all the flowing shadows and the drowning liquid. It reached back for him, engulfing his fingers, crawling inside his nails, rising desperately up his arm. Something breathed right on his face, one glowing pair of red rimmed golden eyes.
"What are doing?"
It was such a quiet question that Ventus didn't answer, not until it was repeated, breathed out against his ear. It was just then he realized he had hugged something. Someone. Someone very familiar. It had taken his sadness, his envy, his fears, his shame and his denial, so Ventus simply tightened the hold, fingers digging through jet black hair until it reached the scalp. He didn't bother with how it would look from the outside. Vanitas breathed in.
A snarl. "Ventus. Let go."
Ventus sighed. "Fine."
Vanitas got up, still sitting on his stomach. "Done crying?"
Ventus blinked a few times. "If you keep doing that I won't have any feelings anymore, you know."
Vanitas grinned, leaned in until they were breathing the each other's air. "Light creates, Ventus. You'd never run out of them for me to take."
"You're really tempting me," Ventus murmured. "To hug you again."
Vanitas gave him a light scowl but didn't say anything after. Ventus took as a sign of good faith and slowly reached for Vanitas' hair again. He felt his counterpart move a bit, above him, and then quite literally went slump over him.
"Is it tiring?" He found himself asking.
"Yeah," Vanitas breathed out. "Can't you just die already?"
"And risk leaving you without your willing vessel?"
Vanitas snorted, moved again, breathed in against his neck. "If your light fades the body will be mine, is what I meant."
Ventus tilted his head a bit, giving him a bit more space to position his head. "You want it to be yours?"
"Mhmm," Vanitas hummed. "You're doing a piss poor job taking care of it, number one."
Ventus snickered. "How many are there?"
"Right now?"
"Mhm,"
"Seven."
Ventus hummed. "How many know?"
"Just you."
He nodded. "... Just me. That's nice."
Teeth ran down his neck. Ventus breathed in, fingers twitching inside Vanitas' hair.
"I mean it," He said in a whisper. "It's nice that you're warning me about it."
"Warning?" Vanitas sniffed. "You think it's a warning? You know because that's what you asked."
"So if I ask you anything, will you answer it honestly?"
"You can ask, I can choose not to answer."
"But what you will answer... You'll answer honestly, yeah?"
Vanitas went quiet. "When did I ever lied to you?" He whispered.
It bothered Ventus, because to a degree, that was true. Vanitas didn't exactly lie to him, not now, not ever. What he did, though, was manipulate the truth to make Ventus suffer and break. But he wasn't leashed anymore, was he? No. Xehanort wasn't there. And Ventus was willingly giving him what he wanted, so maybe this was his way to provide too.
"Alright." Ventus did need somewhere to place his giddiness, anyhow. "Why me?"
"Order."
"What was the Order?"
"Take a vessel and leave."
"So... Why me? Could've been anyone else."
He bit him. Ventus breathed out, slow, supressing the hissing that almost came out of his throat. Well, at least now Ventus knew what the order was. That was a start, and honestly, it was a good one.
"Leave... What?"
"Leave Daybreak Town,"
Ventus stared at the ceiling for a good, quiet minute.
"Is... Is that where I came from?"
"Yes."
"Is that where you came from?"
"No," Was said in a breath. "Me, as this? Technically. I'm a part of Darkness, Ventus, I told you that."
"Did... Did you had a name, before?" Ventus risked.
Vanitas was quiet. Deadly quiet. He didn't move, but didn't tense either. His heart stopped beating. Ventus wasn't scared, Vanitas had taken his fear from him for today, so even if he wanted to be, he couldn't. He was worried, but it was detatched.
"We did."
"What was it? The name, I mean."
Vanitas moved up, stared down at Ventus, eyes narrowed. "You wouldn't understand even if I said it. It's more of a sound than a word."
"Oh," Ventus breathed out. "Okay. Right. That makes sense, I guess. Do... Does Light also have another name?"
Vanitas' lips twitched up. "Yeah."
Interesting.
"Is it also more of a sound than words?"
"It's a feeling."
That was one fast answer.
"What feeling?"
Vanitas shrugged. He leaned further in. "What do you think?"
For a horrible, desperate moment, Ventus couldn't think. He truly had nothing inside his brain. He let out a strangled, confused noise.
"Can't think?" Vanitas mocked, breathy.
"That was weird." Ventus mumbled. "That was so weird."
Vanitas smiled at him, and it was almost a genuine thing. "Humans are afraid of what they don't understand. But you got real close now."
"I did?"
"Congratulations."
Ventus snorted. "Okay. Last question."
"Finally,"
"Is..." He swallowed, closed his eyes again. "Is what we're taught a universal truth? That Darkness is the root of all evil in the Worlds?"
Vanitas raised an eyebrow at him. "You want a being of Darkness to answer you that?"
"You never lied to me," Ventus breathed out his answer.
Vanitas moved up again, sit. Ventus followed, almost entranced.
"Is that what all of you learned?" Vanitas tilted his head a bit. Ventus nodded. "But you weren't taught that. Three very different ways to teach the same thing are rolling around inside your Heart."
"So I learned three ways, but are any of them... Factual?"
"No," Vanitas snorted. "They're just different from each other. Xehanort pleaded balance but it was his own hunger that carved his ways to it, not Darkness. Eraqus pledged compliance to Light but it was his traumas that blinded him, not the Light itself. The Unions got that philosophical approach and all, that to protect the light you can't be afraid of the dark."
"So..."
"They're all the same, in the end." Vanitas waved a dismissive hand. "All of them are factually wrong, it's why they're so easy to manipulate from both ends."
"Light... Manipulates?"
"What is it you want?" Vanitas leaned in. "If you're self taught in most things, if not all, you don't have rules to go under, do you?"
Sora. Vanitas was talking about Sora.
"He... Followed YenSid's rules."
Vanitas grinned. "And what rules are these, hm?"
Ones that leaned on the same paranoia Eraqus had. Fuck. Ventus couldn't think, he couldn't begin to form an answer to his question that didn't involve being against what he had learned. So... Riku was an exception because he first followed Darkness — not it's natural course, but the one Xehanort had shaped for it, and then followed Light, but not it's natural form, but what he had been taught. Merlin had taught Kairi and Lea, and Lea did fought differently from them.
"You're walking away from the answer you want," Vanitas stared.
"I... I am?"
"Your truth."
"You... Didn't answer." Ventus deadpanned.
"I told you I could choose not to."
"Why?"
"Free will."
"Okay," Ventus hissed. "Your name, sir."
"Hm?"
"I want your name."
Vanitas giggled. "What?"
"It's a sound. Go on."
His giggles turned into genuine laughter. He held Ventus' face, still laughing, leaned in until their noses touched. His eyes were bright, brighter than any Shadow Heartless Ventus had ever seen, which was saying a lot, since they were just like a Heartless' eyes. It was the first time Ventus had seen Vanitas laugh in a way that wasn't taunting or mocking. Did Vanitas ever laughed like this at all? It sounded soft, softer than it had the right to be.
Vanitas' thumbs caressed Ventus cheeks with such gentleness it made Ventus' Heart ache. His laughter died a bit, turned back into quiet giggles.
"You're awful, you know that?" Vanitas said through a huffed giggle. "I never really understood why you became a vessel at all, you just asked for such a stupid thing but it was so endearing to watch."
Ventus' brows creased a bit. "Endearing? Wait, I asked... I asked Darkness for something?"
"You're asking again, aren't you, now."
Ventus shut his mouth and stared at Vanitas. "... Yeah. Yeah, I am. Will you just answer it, please."
"Beg."
What? Ventus glared at him. Vanitas looked at him with such a want inside his eyes that it made difficult for Ventus to even think of denying him that. Or anything, for that matter. The red rim was vivid, burning, almost, and the gold was shining brighter than the sun itself. Unconsciously, Ventus knew that Vanitas didn't actually need to breathe like normal human beings, because it was just for looks, but he was. He was and it was that quiet, desperate, uneven thing, and it was so, so weird. So pretty.
"Please," He whispered, breathed out, tasting how the word sounded in the quiet.
Vanitas hummed, a smile appeared but died down. His thumbs stopped moving. "Again."
"Are you—"
"I'm not answering if I don't get anything." Vanitas huffed.
Ventus breathed in, controlled. It wasn't shame, nor was it anger. He couldn't feel those anymore, at least not for now. Embarrassment, then? That was the most probable answer. His lips twitched up.
"Please."
"Again."
"What if I give you something you really want?"
"I want you begging."
Ventus stared at him with his mouth open in shock. It had been such a blunt response, he didn't knew how to process it. Vanitas waited, but Ventus just swallowed, eyes wide while he stared at his counterpart.
Vanitas narrowed his eyes at him. Sighed. "Alright. But you're not gonna like it."
Ventus opened his arms. It was a funny motion since Vanitas was still sitting on his lap, holding his face so gently it didn't felt like Vanitas at all, but it was more symbolic than anything. "Take what you want."
It happened fast. Quick, quiet, efficient. One moment Ventus was there, staring at beautiful golden eyes. The other he was shoved in some place, in complete bright light, surrounded by it, blinded by it, rolling, drowning inside it, suffocating, squirming his way out, screaming as if someone would hear him when he couldn't even hear his own voice.
It was cold, as if the whole world had been drained of warmth. It made his sick, made him genuinely claustrophobic. He didn't knew where the space begun and ended and it was terrifying. And then he fell back, stumbled inside his own body, reached for his eyes, closed them shut. Felt the tears ran down his cheeks and be swiftly cleaned by gentle hands.
The first thing he said wasn't really a word, it was more of a pleading sound. Like a child wishing for comfort, babbling silent cries without a guardian to take care of them. He repeated it, over and over.
"I'm here," Something said. "I've always been here."
Ventus leaped. Reached with his whole body. Wrapped his arms around It like he shouldn't ever let It go. His, his, his. Shh, It said, softly.
"I'm not leaving you," It promised in a whispered tone so sweet, so caring. Ventus wanted to eat all of, drink from it, have all of it for himself only.
His. His as he was Theirs. He felt something cradling him, something on his finger. Comprise. Promise. It washed over him, taking away the cold, the phobia, the dread. It wrapped around his middle and boiled his blood until he was warm enough to think, like coming down from somewhere high. Like relief.
The first coherent thing Ventus thought was... A plea.
Slowly, his senses came back. Vanitas shoved him to the bed, still sitting on his lap, head tilted, eyes narrowed, arms crossed.
"There. Now you know."
Ventus stared, unblinking. There was something different with Vanitas. His hair, mostly, as it was a bit longer than before and it had a strange blond streak on one of his fringes, but there was something else different. Something on Ventus as well.
He looked down.
A ring. A ring not made of steel, but of pure magic. It looked like steel, black and sleek with glowy red lines, but he was very sure the lines were moving.
Vanitas had the same ring, but it was white gold with bright blue lines instead.
"Are we married now?" Ventus half asked half joked.
It earned him a slap on the side of his head. "You want to be a World Weapon instead?"
Ventus grimaced. "No, thanks."
He stopped for a second. Stared down at the ring again. "So... This is you?"
Vanitas sighed. "No."
"And that is me?"
"Also no."
"The rings, what—"
"You wanted the name but you wouldn't understand it, this is what We chose to give you instead, for playing nice."
Ventus beamed. "Friendship ring with Darkness?!"
Maybe he shouldn't have said it so loud. The door opened so fast he didn't even had time to react.
"Hey, Ven, you're finally awa—" Aqua stopped, still smiling. Her smiled died down immediately as she saw the scene before her. "What did you— Vanitas?"
"Hi," Vanitas said as monotone as he could.
"Uhm, Hi... Hi, Aqua!" Ventus forced himself up.
Nausea hit him hard, but Vanitas simply pushed him back down again, all eyes still on Aqua. She was staring at Ventus with wide eyes.
"Did..." She breathed in, closed her eyes, focused. "Okay. We should get going. All of us."
Vanitas raised an eyebrow. "I'm not going with you."
"I'm not asking," Aqua narrowed her eyes.
Ventus snickered. He sit up slowly, fighting the nausea again, and got Vanitas to move up too so he could put his shoes. Aqua and Vanitas were having their usual staring contest when Yoric and Terra appeared in the corridor. Yoric was corpse pale.
"Hey, Ven," Terra called, very slow.
Vanitas crossed his arms as Ventus looked up. "Yeah?"
"Is... Is this you?"
He turned the small portrait painting to them.
It was like staring at a mirror that had been frozen years prior. Like staring at a time machine. Ventus' smile died as he recognized his own features. His eyes weren't entirely blue, not like right now. They were grey-ish blue, a shade lighter than Yoric's, paler than Sora's. He had an awkward little smile, as if he wanted to move or something. He was wearing the exact same clothes Xehanort had found him in, his hair was a whole lot shorter and less disheveled.
Behind him, in the background, was a round, big stained glass window. Each symbol, a Union.
Control Tower.
Ventus ran, stumbled forward, took the portrait with shaky, greedy hands and wide, terrified eyes. He kept staring, kept drinking every detail until he could almost remember voices and touches.
"These portraits were left with yours," Yoric said after a whole minute passed in silence.
Ventus' head snapped up, hungry eyes staring at Yoric's eyes, feral and quick. The man swallowed, looked at Terra and Aqua.
"Ven," Aqua murmured. "Are you alright?"
"Play nice," Vanitas said, taunting. "Let them know."
Ventus bit his lip and giggled, maniac. He tentatively took the other portraits. Brain, he knew immediately. Eraqus looked a bit like him, just brown eyed.
"Master's Defender." Ventus said, sudden.
"What?" Terra frowned.
"What about it?" Aqua flinched.
"It was his." Ventus shoved Brain's portrait on their faces. "That's Brain, that's my mentor."
Vanitas grinned. "He used to be so annoying at times. Posture this, stances that. And he smelled like—"
"Chemicals," Ventus completed with Vanitas. He snickered. "Always in the labs with the Eaters."
Aqua swallowed. "Who are this two beside him?"
"Ephemer and Skuld," Vanitas said flatly, all mocking tone gone from his voice.
"Ephemer was nice." Ventus whispered. "Skuld was... A lot like you, Aqua. Fierce, calm, gentle."
"Annoying." Vanitas added. Aqua frowned.
"Silver hair and grey eyes just like Xehanort," Yoric murmured.
Terra grimaced but then his eyes almost jumped away from his skull. All of them asked him what was wrong. His hands were shaking. Why was there a portrait of Marluxia with Ven on his lap? Why in the hells Marluxia had a Keyblade? Why did Ven looked so comfortable with him, more than he ever looked with them? Terra swallowed.
Xigbar found Marluxia, he instinctively knew. It was something his mind kept whispering at him.
Xigbar had found Marluxia, not converted him. Sora made his own Nobodies but all of the members had been a part of Xehanort's close list of medical staff and immediate reach lab guards. So Marluxia was The Lord of Castle Oblivion because he didn't had anything to lose there. He had no memories it could take. So... So he could have found the Chamber of Waking and simply never told Xemnas.
"Oh, look, Venty," Vanitas muttered. "It's your favorite dad."
Notes:
Ventus: wait, you have another name?
Vanitas: yeah, it's Darkness
Ventus: but how does it sounds like?
Vanitas: wanna learn?Ventus: [feral screaming and ragged breathing]
Darkness: damn who's reading my government ID?***
Terra: hey look it's your family pictures or sum
[Ventus having war flashbacks]: that's so nice dad, thanks
Chapter 7: Deep Blue Safety
Summary:
Regression is sometimes the way forward. Ven would know, he comes and goes with it.
Notes:
Hi! Look who's here (not exactly, at least not for now)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"You're not weak, Ven. You're kind."
The first steps were easy. It was just like learning to walk again — he'd know about that, he had done it time and time again. But and then there was the fall. There was always the fall. Pale yellow eyes glared at him, not because he couldn't speak. Because he couldn't fight, and if he couldn't fight, then what use was he as a Keybearer?
"Don't," He gasped, struggled. "Ven, open your eyes." A sob. "Please, open your eyes."
That scent. Floral, distant. Sweetgrass. Over and over again. Another sob. Some walking, he could tell there was running too. A beep. Some machinery humming, some tapping.
"Please," Soft mumbles came to his ears. "Ventus, please open your eyes, please just open your eyes."
"I need to take us out of here," He whispered. "Fuck. Fuck, I can't lose you too. I can't—"
Sadness washed over him like a storm. Guilt, regret.
"Don't leave me,"
"We don't have much time," Another voice said, lighter, less distraught. Feminine. "Lauriam, we need to move! Lauriam, move, Gods be damned!"
The intervention begun the moment they left Yoric's house, as Vanitas simply fell to the ground and screamed while Ventus giggled like a maniac. Terra casted Silence on Vanitas, not to disturb the villagers, then casted Gravity just so he couldn't run.
Aqua called Mickey over.
They didn't knew how to deal with a darkness user having a breakdown, so they called Lea, which resulted in Isa and Naminé coming with them, as Riku was still in Radiant Gardens helping with Kairi. Naminé had been able to calm Vanitas down, a novelty, but then Ventus started speaking an odd language, and the only other one that understood it was Chirithy, since Vanitas was still on time-out Silenced. He kept glaring at Terra, but his eyes would gleam with a sadistic need when they landed on Ventus. Aqua didn't let him anywhere near him.
They needed space, so they all ended up on Training Grounds, and Lea called Merlin over. They didn't expected the old man to actually pick up the call, but the wizard had said that he would in case of absolute need. And Lea thought that was one.
"I'm afraid I did not think his memories would cause him so much pain," Chirithy admitted. "They're memories, not nightmares."
Vanitas clicked his tongue. "You were there, Spirit."
Chirithy giggled. "Oh, Darkness, so were you! And weren't you the one that made him like this, anyway?"
Vanitas gave Chirithy a wry smile. "Weren't you supposed to be his so lovely guardian? Go ahead, Spirit, guard him."
"You're not denying,"
"Nor am I confirming, you little plague."
Vanitas had let his cloak with Ventus, that was sitting in one of the wooden thrones of the fallen masters. It was odd that it had been the first thing he did after calming down — he ignored Naminé completely, even if she had been the one to properly heal him. Ventus kept mumbling, but it wasn't coherent.
Aqua's face was tight with worry, and out of all people in the room, Terra looked the least concerned. King Mickey looked the most sober, mumbling with Naminé about how to reach the memories connected to the paintings inside Ventus' Heart without making it leak or break. Merlin was calm and composed, though he did expressed his concern over the leaking of Light and Darkness when Mickey explained it to him.
Lea had expressed concern for both Vanitas and Ventus equally, as odd as it was, and Isa was the same. It was Vanitas that carried all the negative emotions and the hurt. And hurt he did, as his arms were covered in carved tattoos and small cuttings. Some of the scars looked graceful, even, lined with such detail Lea could not begun to imagine the pain behind them. He wondered what would happen if Vanitas vanished, how would Ventus react.
If the scars would go to him instead.
Merlin raised an inquisitive eyebrow at Vanitas. "How old are you, my boy?"
"Eh," Vanitas waved a dismissive hand. "Doesn't matter."
It mattered to the Guardians, though Terra raised an eyebrow and gave Vanitas a look that was incredibly suspiciously knowing. Aqua frowned. She had never asked herself that. He was probably sixteen, just like Ven. Maybe younger, since he had been created after. Her frown deepened. Now that she thought about it, some of his mannerisms did made sense. It didn't matter to him how old he was because he had been created for one thing only and he didn't accomplished it. His life didn't matter to him. Aqua felt strangely guilty, then.
"How old is Aqua?" Merlin tried again.
Aqua opened her mouth, about to answer.
"Thirty." Vanitas said, immediate, flat and bored.
Aqua stopped, closed her mouth, opened it. Frowned. Isa raised an eyebrow at her and Terra.
"And Terra?"
"Thirty two," Vanitas blinked. "Listen, old man—"
"And Ventus?"
"Two tho—" Vanitas stopped. Snarled. "Twenty eight."
Chirithy blinked. "Oh..." They turned to King Mickey. "I sense Ventus with a different age, still. He has no memories of the time passing so fast!"
"Oh?" King Mickey frowned. "Time shouldn't count in the Realm of Darkness, and his heart had been inside Sora's, so that must be it."
Vanitas shook his head and moved away from the wall, walking towards Ventus in wide strides. He was so dismissive of the Guardians and their questions he didn't bothered with the questioning eyes he received. He knew Ventus. And they were trying to break through him. Enough was enough.
"Speak."
Ventus looked at him, slowly. "You took them away from me, leave me alone."
Vanitas grinned.
Naminé gasped, muttering something and holding Lea's arm tightly. Her eyes were laser focused on the paintings, but apparently that odd language sparkled some memories closer to when they were painted than whatever the Guardians had tried.
"Did I?" Vanitas tilted his head a bit.
"Go away."
"Make me."
"Don't provoke him, Darkness," Chirithy squeaked.
"Stop calling him that," Lea grimaced.
Vanitas waved them away, almost like he was chiding an annoying insect. It was begrudgingly obliged by most, except Merlin, who eyed him curiously and moved away only when asked to.
He breathed in. The shadows around the Training Grounds moved, inclined, followed toward him.
"Who was it?" Vanitas asked.
When no one answered, he turned to Terra.
"Xemnas, who was it?"
Terra blinked. "Marluxia." He proceeded to frown.
Aqua gave him the nastiest side eye Terra had ever received, but the genuine surprise on Lea's and Isa's face made up for it a little. Very little, though.
The shadows turned darker, until the floor was entirely black inside a Barrier they didn't even noticed was there in the first place. Merlin nodded approvingly. Ventus moved so fast from his chair they didn't even saw it.
He all but jumped on Vanitas.
"Stop! Stop!" He punched, knuckles finding teeth, hand finding throat, as Vanitas smiled with a serenity none of the Guardians and their friends had. "You're— Stop!"
The upper central incisiors gave out, one broke and the other fell down and stuck on his throat, making every sound a weeze. His gums were bleeding, as were Ventus' knuckles. Ventus stopped, only for a second, only to appreciate his work — only because Aqua screamed for him to. He breathed. Then went back full force, screaming his lungs away. He might have broken Vanitas' nose too, but he didn't care.
The crack echoed through the walls. Merlin let out a long sigh. Aqua was shaking from head to toe. Ventus wasn't like this, he was gentle, not this. Whatever it was that Vanitas said gave way for the darkness inside his heart to act, she was sure of it. Sure he would feel guilty afterwards.
"Is... He's laughing," Lea mumbled.
"Poor Ventus," King Mickey whispered.
Vanitas chuckled and kicked Ventus' back. He hissed, hands tightening around Vanitas' throat. Vanitas moved his hand, summoned Lost Memory, holding it just like Ventus would, but the teeth of the blade turned inside, ready to cut Ventus if he moved backwards. Ventus stopped moving.
"Don't!" Aqua moved and hit the Barrier. "Vanitas, stop! What are you doing?!"
"He's helping," Merlin said, simple and soft. "He knows his other half better than any of us."
Chirithy made a sound but other than that, said nothing. Naminé hugged the portraits, trying to find some clarity. Marluxia had been Ventus' guardian. That was such an odd discovery, really. He never even reacted to Roxas, but maybe he too didn't have his memories. But why... Why didn't they had memories? It still didn't made sense.
There was something missing, something crucial that they had not yet grasped, a concept of time and space they did not have. Naminé knew what Sora did was taboo, but she wondered if they could do it without breaking their limits or their bonds. She was apparently the only other person aside of Sora himself and Xehanort that felt the pull of time on their Hearts, as if space between present and past blurred. Ventus' memories were a bit like that too.
Just as sudden as Ventus had charged, he stopped moving, and then he sobbed. He cried, and cried, and slowly let go of Vanitas' throat. Vanitas sit up just as slow, patting Ventus head twice, he casted something but they couldn't see it because of the shadows on the floor, then he glared at Lost Memory.
"Go find him." He hissed at his Keyblade as if it was a sentient being just like him. "Lauriam. Find him and bring him."
The Keyblade disappeared when Vanitas threw it to the chair, before it could hit the wooden throne. Lea cursed, confused, and was quickly silenced by Isa. Ventus was still crying, heaving, wrapped on Vanitas like his life deppended on it. He kept apologizing between sobs, kept calling names they didn't knew.
They got a bit more distance from the Barrier, as all shadows kept crawling towards it. Aqua had never seen a darkness user this powerful. This was much more than all the lies and manipulation of Xehanort, this was pure magic. She frowned. There was no malice in what Vanitas was doing either. If anything, he gave Ventus a way to cope, even if it was through violence — even if it was self inflicted.
"What do we—" Lea begun murmuring to the King, but was ultimately interrupted by Merlin.
"Now, now," Merlin turned to Daisy. "Prepare to cast Curaga, dear student!"
Daisy nodded, efficient as ever.
"But Ven isn't hurt," Aqua frowned. "If this is for Vanitas, he can—"
"Revert," Merlin pointed the wand at Terra.
He blinked.
"Huh?!" Lea and Naminé exclaimed in different levels of shock and worry.
Isa slowly reached Aqua's side. He turned to her a bit. "I'd tell you to move away a bit, he might lunge."
"What?" Aqua stared at him. "Why me?"
Terra blinked again, and he looked utterly lost, completely confused. Then he gave Merlin one very poignant glare. Aqua blinked a billion times, eyebrows raising at the audacity of her best friend. He seemed angry, but it was a quiet rage. It wasn't Ansem, nor was it Xemnas. It was all Terra. Aqua could not pinpoint if she had ever seen Terra this furious, and maybe she had never seen it at all.
"Oh, you knew," He shook his head. "Did YenSid?"
"No, my child," Merlin sighed. "It is not an easy spell to detect. Just as the magic needed for it."
"Spell?" Naminé asked, worried.
Oh. Aqua swallowed. Of course Merlin would sense it. Maybe he knew who did it, even. Gods, what a mess. Ven's sobs weren't helping her mind to focus. The way Terra's eyes barely moved and his pupils shrunk, Aqua felt terrified. She felt like prey.
"Tell me, my boy, what did you see first?"
"The sea..." Terra said through a snarl. "He cursed me."
Aqua didn't knew when Isa gave her his hand to hold, but she was holding it like it was a safety net, like her life was about to come crumbling down. Isa didn't seem to mind it, but he had something under his eyes, some sort of recognition, like looking in the mirror, almost. But it went as fast as it came.
He mouthed something to himself, and Aqua desperately wanted to know what it was. Why Isa was so loyal to Xemnas and Terra even if he didn't got what he wanted. What made him betray Lea and stay with Xemnas a second time. Lea said it was jealousy, as did Isa, but Aqua knew better than that.
Lea looked between Isa and Aqua, brows creased lightly, and hugged Naminé with one arm passing by her shoulders, eyes then flying to Terra and staying there, fixed. Naminé was still staring at Ventus.
"Who—" King Mickey's eyes went from Terra, to Ventus, to Aqua. "You know who cursed him, Aqua?"
Terra narrowed his eyes. "Doesn't matter. It's done and it's gone." He breathed in. Smiled, eery. "I'm fine, Daisy, Merlin. Thank you."
Daisy was about to release the spell when Naminé yelped and pulled Lea with her, hiding behind both Terra and Lea. They all turned to the wooden throne of master Eraqus. Ventus was sitting, quiet, deadly quiet. Vanitas' Barrier wasn't there anymore, as wasn't his shadows. Or him, for that matter.
"What's wrong?" Aqua summoned Rainfell.
"He's reliving it," Naminé whispered. "And Vanitas didn't exist back then."
"But..." Mickey frowned. "Isn't he a part of Ventus?"
"Not entirely," Merlin said, then. "But, you see, he did us all a favor."
"He did?" Lea pulled Naminé closer.
"Ven's not gonna attack us anymore," Terra pointed out and Merlin smiled.
* * *
He was there again. In that building. Holding that book. Master Ava was staring at him through her mask — that was not master Ava at all. He didn't really care. Master Ava smiled at him. That was enough for him, really, at least she noticed him.
She cared.
Streli—
Don't look down, don't look down, don't look—
Lauriam was everyone's support line. The Dandelions wouldn't survive long without him. And they didn't.
He sung Ventus to sleep, sometimes. Chirithy would be there, staring, catching glimpses of how terrified Ventus really was. How sometimes when Lauriam was singing his voice would break a bit, and then he'd hold Ventus closer. Like he needed a failsafe. A substitute. A second chance. And of course They reacted to it, drowning Lauriam in despair and anguish, tainting his anger. Everybody blamed each other, blamed Darkness, but never themselves.
And so, when Their little human, Their little vessel decided to take blame for Their request, They moved. Plotted. Planned. Took blame where blame was due. It was Their fault the girl was dead, They had sent her to Unreality where the memories of her would slowly decompose, scatter and break away.
True Death, where time and space cared not for rules. The price to pay for reaching Their little one.
If only They had permission to do it with all the others.
Ventus blinked. He knew this place. It was Daybreak Town, all broken, destroyed beyond repair. Houses burned and crumbled. Dust gathered at the edges of what remained. Something carried him, hands around his legs and middle. Carried him like a child. Because he was, wasn't he? He wasn't older than ten at that time. Ventus blinked again. It was raining all around them, washing over the debris and stones of old houses. The stench of death and dried blood was everywhere. With the rain, it was hard to tell if Lauriam was screaming when crying or if it was the wind howling around them, above the ocean.
When Ventus woke up again, the scenery had changed drastically. Dwarf Woodlands. He knew that place. He knew—
"Fuck," Lauriam hissed. "Where's... Where's Elrena?"
Ventus couldn't begin to worry about Elrena.
How the hells was Daybreak Town connected to Dwarf Woodlands when they used the Book of Prophecies to go gather Lux in the other worlds? How much had Lauriam ran? How much of the Worlds were fragmented like that? Since when were they fragmented? How did he even knew where they were? It was cold and the forest around him was not doing him any favors.
"Hey, Ven?" Lauriam whispered. "Stay here a minute, yeah? I'm... I'm gonna see if I can find someone near and... Water. Clothes. We need to blend in."
But Lauriam didn't move. Were they in the Dwarf Woodlands? It really did look like it. But it could not be it, could it? He blinked twice and they skipped worlds. No. No, that wasn't it. That wasn't right.
"Hey..." Lauriam said, softer, gentler, quieter than a whisper. "Mind if I sleep a bit?"
Ventus didn't mind, no. Lauriam's warmth gathered around him, a protective hug. He tried to hug back.
Don't. Touch. Him.
Ventus kept his hands to himself. He should sleep too. His vision was so blurred he couldn't make out anything, just some shapes here and there and colours. Lauriam was mostly whites and pink. They were somewhere green. Very, very green. When Lauriam laid beside him, his eyes were very blue.
Deep blue sea. Ocean at night kind of blue. Lauriam was crying a lot, now. It was because of him, most times. Sometimes it was because of Skuld, Ephemer, Brain. Sometimes Lauriam spoke alone. He kept talking to himself, muttering about someone he had to find but couldn't remember who it was. But whenever his eyes found Ventus, they were calm.
Blue was safe. Blue was very, very safe.
Father's eyes.
Lauriam kept whispering to himself, though. It wasn't about this somebody anymore, it was about Elrena. He'd giggle and shake his head after, like whatever he said was stupid even for himself. They got out of the woods after some time. A few weeks, most likely.
His dad's eyes were blue like Lauriam's, so Lauriam was safe. He held Ventus through his nightmares like hugs could catch it all and take them away. He didn't sing anymore, just shushed Ventus as if he was scared of the dark too. Lauriam didn't trust anyone with Ventus. They found a river. Yaay. Lauriam made a bamboo cup he could carry around for water. Ventus could still summon Lost Memory but Lauriam was getting more and more distant from his Keyblade. He rarely used Divine Rose anymore.
Said it brought bad memories to him. Ventus blade had that name for a reason, and he tried to explain that to Lauriam, but his words didn't come out right. He didn't knew how to speak anymore. No, his voice was too damaged for him to speak, that is. And Lauriam did tried to make him speak, but ultimately decided that they were in dangerous territory and it was better if Ventus stood quiet. Ventus mustered the strength to whisper here and there, but his throat would hurt so much it was like eating glass.
River bathing was weird, but it was better than washing their clothes there. Lauriam got all the heavy chores, like fishing, using magic to keep them warm, and, of course, washing their clothes. For sometime, it was just them and the animals. Ventus lost track of time after some weeks, just as he was losing his ability to speak. Lost Memory got him safe, though, so speaking didn't really matter much.
Lauriam didn't trust people around Ventus, even when they wanted to help. He'd steal their money and run back to Ventus. They weren't on Dwarf Woodlands anymore either, but somewhere else. A world that had steel and powder. Sometimes he'd break a neck or two, the snapping sound kind of satisfying to hear, kind of strange too.
Lauriam didn't look any different from how he was in Daybreak Town. His eyes still meant safety, and they were still gentle. But he was... Odd, now. His breathing pattern would change, suddenly, he'd hug Ventus tight enough to hurt, and he kept whispering to himself like he was speaking with someone else entirely — and he'd answer himself too. Ventus thought he kept doing that to not forget his own name, but he was already forgetting Ventus'.
It was a little weird. And sad.
But his eyes still meant safety. Father's eyes.
"Hey," Lauriam whispered. It was always like that when he had a nightmare of his own. "Hey, Vi. Can I borrow your hands a little?"
Ventus didn't knew what that meant, but he moved his hands to Lauriam's. They both giggled.
"Thanks," Lauriam muttered and kissed them.
He used them for something wet, but Ventus didn't ask. He didn't care. There was a lot of red too, but he didn't mind it either. His eyes didn't quite work yet, but it didn't matter, he was helping. He was—
Dissecting.
One evening, Lauriam took him to a place with many brown things moving about, slow on their pace. He used Divine Rose on one of them, slashed through it.
"Hey, Vi," He chuckled. "We're about to eat good tonight."
If only he hadn't said anything.
"Hey!"
That was not Lauriam. It was an angry old man.
"Out of my proper— The fuck?!"
Mean old man. Lauriam hugged Ventus from behind.
"When I tell you run, you do it, 'kay?" He whispered and kissed Ventus' head. "Kay?"
Ven nodded. He could run now. He just couldn't really see things but he could run, alright.
"What the hell you're doing?!" Mean old man screamed at them. "My cows!"
Lauriam let go of Ventus. "Run!"
Ven giggled and ran. He ran back to the green woods, all the way down to the main river. And then he slipped. It was late, so he really wouldn't have seen the mud and the stones. Lost Memory came to him so fast it might as well have been thrown at him. Well. Huh. Anyways, he could go back now. He could help! Ventus smiled, determined. He was going to help Lauriam, finally.
He knew there was something wet over his face, wet, warm and a bit sticky and it blurred more of his vision than water did. Red. Blood. He was bleeding.
But he was gonna help, finally!
Finally. Finality. End. Ends.
Ventus stared at deep blue eyes. They stared back.
End him.
Ventus raised Lost Memory.
Take from him.
Lauriam frowned.
Take him away.
The angry and mean old man shot something at Lauriam. For a second, all Ventus heard was a scream and static. Then Ventus shot Thundaga at the man. Lauriam coughed and rolled on the ground, but the man simply vanished from existence. Ventus wasn't worried at all. The cows and other farmers were wandering around, screams of fire rolling around the farm. Right. Thunder did that sometimes.
"Ngh!" Ventus pulled Lauriam's hair, a bit urgent.
Lauriam moved, delayed. "Coming, Vi, calm down."
Ventus huffed. Lauriam smelled like iron and sweat, and when the animals around them smelled like that they were bleeding. Lauriam was bleeding. He was moving weird, too. Breathing strange, speaking slurred. He had everything wrong with Ven's eyes, but everywhere else instead of just the eyes.
They stumbled forward for days. Days turned weeks. Lauriam still smelled like iron and sweat. He had been coughing a lot, too. Cura didn't work with his wounds and Ven didn't knew Curaga.
"Hm," He spoke with Shadow when Lauriam was sleeping.
Shadow had been helping him with scents. They were really good at it. They kept calling him Ventus instead of Ven, for some reason. Sometimes They called him their little one, but Ven didn't knew what that meant — he didn't remember. They taught him Cura and all variations of Thunder and Aero.
"Hm, hm!" He shook his head no to Shadow.
They had asked to take him away.
Ven pointed at Lauriam. "Lah."
Shadow moved. Walked toward Lauriam. Moved beneath him, then inside him. It closed! The wound! Ven hugged Shadow inside Lauriam. They saved his friend! Shadow really was a friend too. The best. Ven giggled when Lauriam screamed, raw and desperate. It was Their way of speaking, Ven guessed. Lauriam was in so much pain, so much so he summoned Divine Rose. Aimed at Ven.
He shot.
Ventus screamed too.
He too was wet and smelling like iron and sweat.
Now Lauriam and Ven matched!
Ven giggled, coughed, choked. Lucky him he was already sitting, hand on his middle, hiding the hole Lauriam just gave him. Or else he'd fall.
"Fuck," Lauriam hissed again. He moved near, but Shadow growled at him. "Sorry, sorry! Ven, I'm so sorry!"
Lauriam couldn't hear Shadow, though. He took Ven into his arms. He sobbed the entire night.
They were fine! Now they matched! It was fine!
Ventus kept regressing. His eyes were better but his speech was horrible. He could barely make any sounds anymore, and whenever he scribbled, his lettering kept getting harder and harder to figure out. Lauriam didn't had that problem, but he was losing something more important, Ventus knew.
They were always just barely in social places. Close enough to steal food and water, never to socialize.
Corona was a nice Kingdom, though it had a bit of a rat infestation, but they could manage. And they liked saying the name of the Kingdom a lot, so at least they were sure where they were. Living in the streets in a Kingdom where the king was parading for long nights had been a choice, alright. Food was always near them, and so was water.
"Hey, Vi," Nightmare time. Again. "Vi?"
Ventus turned around and blinked at Lauriam.
His eyes were always gentle, even if he was a bit weird now with all the snarling and the biting. Lauriam's hair was shoulder length now, maybe a bit bigger, and the pink had subdued a lot. It looked ashy, even, devoid of the brightness and color it once had. Ventus thought about his own hair. Before, he couldn't quite feel it on his neck, but now his fringes were all over the place, almost reaching his nose, and the sides kept tickling his neck, the ends kept spreading on the back too, growing.
"Do you miss home?"
He did. He nodded. Lauriam smiled.
"Do you want to go back?"
Ventus glared, then. There wasn't a home for them to go back to, he knew. Lauriam didn't seem to understand his glare and took it as a sign of fear.
"Sorry," He mumbled. "I'm so sorry, Vi."
Ventus clicked his tongue and hugged Lauriam. He wanted to tell Lauriam to stop apologizing so much. It wouldn't bring their home back, would not bring his sister back nor would it bring Ventus' parents.
It had been a few months until they went full circle back to Dwarf Woodlands. How, he didn't even knew, but they did. Shadow kept track of the days for Ventus. They insisted for Ventus to keep calling himself that. One night, Shadow whispered that They were wishing him a happy birthday. And the next day, Lauriam was gone.
But then again, who was Lauriam? Ventus knew who he was, but Lauriam? He wandered around the cottages for a few days until the dwarves found him. Took care of him, a little bit. Sent him his way, and so, he went. He found himself in a strange crossroad with just stones and small grass after wishing to go home. He kept wishing for it, for Shadow to take him home, to take him to his family.
And Shadow took him to a fucking desert.
Ventus wandered around that stupid world until a strange looking old man in a black cloak came to him, yellow eyes and full of promises.
Notes:
We MIGHT get Skuld, Lauriam and Elrena later on
Chapter 8: Wish
Notes:
A little heads up, Ven has some suicidal thoughts. Baby has some issues he needs to figure out
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Recovery was never easy. When his eyes finally opened, the first thing he did was to catch the paintings — less greedy this time. Ventus stared at the paintings for a long, long time.
His eyes went up, to the sleeping group on the main guest room. Lea was slumped over Isa like a cat. Naminé and Aqua hugged each other, Merlin was nowhere to be seen and neither were his very trusted bodyguards. Terra had been writing something on a book, the kind of book that scholars had, dull in colours but very pretty nonetheless. He sat behind a desk that looked suspiciously like Eraqus' main office one. Terra looked up and blinked at him.
"Hey, buddy," He slurred.
Ventus snorted. "Hi, Terra."
"You're okay now?"
Ventus frowned. "I wasn't?"
"No." Terra said, then. "You weren't. You regressed so hard we had to make sure you stood inside a Barrier."
Oh, shit. He stared past Terra. "Sorry."
"Don't be," Terra shrugged. "You're healing. That can happen. Healing isn't always a line going up."
Ventus raised an eyebrow at him. Nodded. Without the pressing urges of darkness around the Worlds, as Riku, Roxas and Xion were dealing with the infestations of Heartless to gather data for The Wise, Terra was very... Philosophical. Wiser. He sounded like a sane Xehanort, an insane Eraqus. A Foreteller.
It was nice.
He knew Terra wouldn't mind if he walked away now that he was awake. Terra looked different too, like some veil had been lifted and he could see his mentor more clearly now. He looked more himself, with less doubt. Ventus received a hair ruffle. He smiled softly at Terra, then turned around, shaking his head and walking towards the corridor with the main staircase, to sleep inside his room. Because he was almost sure Chirithy was there and he wanted them to take away those dreams he just had. At least that explained how that scar got there before Xehanort split him.
He didn't knew Lauriam, but he figured he could trust his guts with that. Blue eyes meant safety.
So what did yellow eyes meant?
"Hello, Ventus!" Chirithy chirped.
Ventus smiled again. "Hi. Sorry for the scare."
Chirithy shook their head. "Worry not. It was bound to happen, if you see your memories as something to be afraid of."
Did he? Was that why he couldn't fully remember?
Did he want to remember at all?
He just didn't want to feel alone anymore.
No, not alone. Isolated.
"I wish I could help you, Ventus," Chirithy said, then, quiet. "But I do not wish to see you hurt. My enthusiasm came from a place of love, not malice."
"It's alright," Ventus said softly. "I know. Don't blame yourself, Chirithy. I'm... I'm scared."
Chirithy nodded and held his hands. "I suppose that can't be helped. There are pieces of your memories I don't have access to, fragments that flew by me."
"You were away, that's not your fault." Ventus shook his head lightly. "I don't blame anyone for this. It happens, you know. People get hurt and they want to forget they were hurt. I guess I'm like that too."
Chirithy stared at him for some time, quiet.
"Darkness... How did you befriend Them?" They asked. "The masters weren't Their friends, Darkness avoided Keybearers most times."
Ventus' brow creased a bit. "I, uh... Asked... Them... Something."
Chirithy moved away from Ventus, fast. "What?"
"I don't know what." Ventus sighed.
"No, Ventus," Chirithy cleared their throat. "What do you mean you asked Them for something? Did They answer?!"
Ventus blinked. "I... Guess? Yes?"
He should have felt bad for lying. He couldn't begin to care for how Chirithy would feel. He didn't care if he was lying or not. His. And he'd protect what was his, it didn't matter from whom. Just like he'd protect his friends. His. His. His. As he was Theirs.
"But... They don't answer, Ventus!" Chirithy explained. "Darkness doesn't speak!"
He blinked again, a few times. Yes, They did. Vanitas did, Ansem did. Darkness did. "They don't?"
"No!" Chirithy sounded alarmed.
"But Van—"
"He came from you, of course he'd know! He learned and adapted from you!"
Ventus gaped at Chirithy.
"He is a part of it, but he came from you," Chirithy said, a whole less alarmed now that they were sure Ventus was listening. "So, he can speak. But Darkness as we all know it? It can't."
There it was. His answer.
Is what we're taught true?
No.
A sound, cristal clear, simple NO.
Vanitas' words echoed inside his head, then, taunting. They're all factually wrong.
"How do you know that?" He finally asked.
Chirithy's turn to stare at him in shock. "We were created to know these things. Take away the nightmares, which are created from the Abyss in the Heart, where Darkness lays."
Ventus thought about his own heart. The leaking. The layered glasses. How did a Heart function, he begun to ask himself. Sora had healed him by giving him Presence, but his Heart broke again. He did it himself, after fusing with Vanitas. Twelve years inside Sora's Heart didn't gave Vanitas anything, but gave him overproduction of Darkness. If it was the core of his Station that was broken, therefore his Heart could not heal, how was he still standing?
"Chirithy...?"
"Hm?"
"How... How does the Station of Waking work?"
Chirithy stared at him, wide eyed. "Huh?"
"You know, right?" Ventus frowned. "If you know where the nightmares comes from, then you have to know how the Heart fully works, right?"
Chirithy simply stared at him, quiet, for so long Ventus thought they weren't even listening in the first place. The silence was oppressive, it was mournful.
"No," Chirithy said, then. "I do not know. That is beyond my creation, Ventus."
"Isn't the Station a part of Light? A part of the Light in the Heart?" Ventus' frown deepened. "Isn't it why Vanitas doesn't have one? Because he is Darkness and he needs mine."
They're all wrong.
"I'm afraid I do not know," Chirithy repeated. "That is not a part of my design."
"Then how do you gather the nightmares?"
That seemed to be the last nail in the coffin. Chirithy hissed, sudden, like a irritated cat.
"How did you find Lux to consume?" Chirithy countered with barely concealed irritation.
"I didn't," Ventus simply said. Because he didn't.
Chirithy narrowed their eyes at him. "You didn't. Do you wish to tell me Darkness did it for you? That They gathered Lux to you instead?"
Ventus sighed, closed his eyes. "Sorry." He said instead.
Chirithy sighed, longer than his, and wobbled their head, paws tapping Ventus' thighs. "Apologies accepted. Let us rest, dear friend."
Yeah, Ventus thought. Not happening.
He was still curious, confused, frustrated. Chirithy was his oldest friend, yes? Older than Darkness had been there for him. He hugged his blankets. Why did that felt wrong? Like the timeline was all jumbled up.
"You need to sleep, Ventus," Chirithy said after a while.
"Trying," Ventus let out in a hurried whisper.
"I sense you're tired," Chirithy hummed. "But nothing else."
Ventus closed his eyes again. He almost snapped at the Dream Eater but decided against it. Not that he was afraid, he couldn't be, not yet. It was tiring, being angry. And the blankets were nice.
It didn't took long for it to happen again.
Ventus had his eyes closed, but he felt it. Tasted it on his tongue before he opened his eyes. Iron and water. He swallowed, hard, but it didn't go away. He opened his eyes to a hooded figure. Blue eye with pupils like that of a feline stared down a him, way too close, suffocating.
"Is this actually work— Hello, child," The hooded man said. "Don't freak out! Don't freak out."
Ventus opened his mouth. The taste lingered. His tongue was heavy. He closed it again.
"Good, good. Hi." He ignored the terrified eyes of Ventus and kept going. "Luxu did great, holy...! How old were you, back then? Nine? No, no. Hm. Maybe? Doesn't matter. Darkness chose you, how rare."
Why me?
A bite.
Could have been anyone else.
Bite.
You're walking away from the answer you want.
"What did I say about freaking out?" The man whispered in theatrical disappointment. "Anyways, how bizarre!" He chuckled, low, and it made Ventus' head ring alarm bells and flash red. "You and I are the same, little Weapon. The exact same."
Ventus breathed in, hard, difficult, starved. He closed his eyes, counted to five. Opened. The man was gone. So was Chirithy. Ventus sit up so fast his vision blurred. What in the hells. He stared at the door, searched the dimly lit room with his eyes. It was as if they had never existed. Just a nightmare. A nightmare Chirithy let him have. Ventus felt sick.
The betrayal stung more than being called a World Weapon again. He wasn't Pure Light anymore, he was normal, average, like everyone else. He could disappear and only a few would notice. Ventus frowned. Inhaled, slow. Exhaled. Again. And again.
Something screeched right on his ear. Ventus laid so fast he almost fell off the bed. Covered his head with the blankets. Darkness engulfed his vision.
Protected, yes. He felt safe.
The pain was gradual, the adrenaline had concealed it almost perfectly. Something actually stung his finger. Ring finger. He put his hands over his heart. It was bleeding. He didn't care. Coughed up blood and black oil, deep red. His stomach revolted, something twisted inside him and the pain was too much to bear. He hoped someone heard him, hoped someone would come take him.
There was something crawling under his skin, spreading, tainting. Agonizingly slow. Ventus was shaking, senses on and off. He pain receded.
He hated this. He was angry. Furious, really.
He hated not knowing, being afraid of his own mind, of his own memories. Being tormented with a life incomplete, with a heart half useful, with love he didn't knew where to put, with knowledge so useless it didn't help him recover, with grief so great it affected his every move. He hated this.
Why didn't he die in the War?
Ventus sobbed.
Why didn't he die in the War with his mama and his dad? What whas he doing being alive anyway?
Being useful.
He screamed. His eyes were wide open. Forced open. He choked when something fell inside his mouth, rough and cutting. Some cut. He was clawing desperately at his clothes, trying to take them off and disappear inside them. At least he could move.
Ventus realized, albeit a moment delayed, that he had cut himself. That his fingers burned against his skin, everywhere. That they too were bleeding. That there were flashed of light particles floating around it as if he had used some sort of magic. He heaved.
"The fuck you're doing?"
He tried to close his eyes, but they would not give.
"Ventus,"
He curled. That earned him a slap. How did Vanitas managed to find his arms under the blankets, he'd never know. The less he knew now was for the better. He was forced out of his cocoon and shaken.
"Ah."
Ventus didn't knew what that meant. His eyes were still wide open, forced open, drying tears he didn't realize he had let go. He was halfway through a convulsion when Vanitas eyes narrowed. He was babbling incoherent things, and he was almost sure Vanitas would punch him. It never came. His upper teeth hit the lower ones so fast and forceful Ventus could swear he heard something crack inside his mouth. If it already didn't taste like iron, the blood surely would make it taste odd.
Vanitas clicked his tongue but otherwise did nothing. He let Ventus ride off his terrified state, eyes finally obeying and closing, way too slow. Choked on his sobs and cried himself to normalcy a few minutes later. Vanitas didn't do anything, he simply stared.
It wasn't judgemental, a rare thing.
"Let me give you a little treat," He said when Ventus finally calmed down enough to understand his words. "What you asked to Chirithy. But before that,"
Ventus moved his head from the protection of his arms and knees just enough for his eyes to stare into Vanitas' golden ones. He wasn't being snarky, he was dead serious, actually. No condescending smirk, no amusement, no jab. His eyes were brighter than the sun, heavy with something Ventus didn't knew.
"You need to stop feeding Them like that, it makes them very possessive and I can't go snatching Light around without some deaths happening."
"Mm," Ventus conceded.
"We don't need Light leaking, do we now?"
That could happen? Ventus' brows creased lightly.
He didn't ask what he wanted. Obediently shook his head in agreement to Vanitas' words.
"Good," Vanitas mumbled. "Now, your little treat."
He moved a bit, held Ventus chin. "The Seeker is right, Venty. Everything begins in Darkness."
Ventus stared at him. He didn't knew if Vanitas was trying to get a reaction out of him or not. But he didn't lie to him before, which meant he didn't lie now either. It felt a little underwhelming.
"The Station?"
"Yeah," Vanitas' brows creased a bit. "The foundations are made of it, to protect the Light."
Ventus' lips parted slightly. He should tell The Wise about it. Or maybe he knew already. Didn't he created machines to trap the Hearts? His breakthrough had been the study with the Heartless, if Ventus' memory was correct. So the darkness inside someone's Heart was there as... Protection?
"And... Chirithy's?" Ventus swallowed through the pain and the way his throat heaved. "Their question."
"You wished for it." Vanias shrugged.
Ventus frowned.
What kind of fucked up answer was that?
The same he gave Sora, his brain filled the gaps.
"It happens when you let go," Vanitas clarified. "If you have nothing, you wish for something."
"What was I wishing for?" Ventus asked in a low whisper.
Vanitas eyes glistened with hunger. Need. And some sort of diabolical amusement. "A friend."
* * *
Aqua woke up in the middle of the night to what she thought was a scream. But it couldn't be, it had been cut off as soon as it begun. She grumbled, trying to say something, moved around the bed, let go of Naminé. Isa and Lea had managed not to eat each other's hair with the odd way they were laid over each othrr on the bed. Terra was staring out the window, and Aqua had the worst kind of dejà vu.
His eyes were bloodshot, the warm yet dim orange light making the red and blue contrasts pop off. He wore a black tunic with a doublet patterned in gold and silver over it, the golden lines woven in signs Aqua didn't knew nor did she understood. His arms were crossed and he was almost pouting, brows furrowed. It was as if he was still seventeen, and Aqua had just walked in the main library after running away from the Month of Lights night parade all over again.
"Go back to sleep, Aqua," Terra muttered.
"You're crying," She whispered back. Walked to him, patted his back. "Giving me some whiplash, too."
Terra chuckled, light. "Sorry, didn't meant to."
"What happened?"
Terra shook his head and sighed. "Same old same."
"Did you even try to sleep this time?" Aqua glared at the window and crossed her arms.
"Not really," He looked at the Gardens, where Masters Defender stared back at the window. "Got too angry to sleep."
Aqua snorted. "The horror."
Terra clicked his tongue. "That's how I survived."
She chuckled and shook her head. "That's not what you told YenSid."
"It's not," He agreed.
"Did you eat?"
"Too angry for that, too."
Aqua huffed and slapped his arm lightly. "You're not your armor anymore, you need food."
Terra moved, lowered his head, mouthed something. "I know." He inhaled a deep breath. "Sorry."
She turned her head a bit, to their visitors. Turned it back to the window, leaned on Terra. He moved a bit, passed his arms around her waist and hugged her, warm, comforting. They were safe and sound.
So why it felt like everything was crumbling down again?
"Did it ever got to you?" Terra asked, mumbled.
"It did," Aqua managed not to scowl at the question.
Leave it to Terra to bring up exactly what she was thinking and didn't want to say aloud.
"... How?"
"Loneliness," Aqua answered truthfully.
Terra hummed, and for a while, they simply existed. Aqua stared at Masters Defender, at the renewed flowers around the hold and the lenght, at the candles at it's hidden teeth. She had given up hope, too, at some point. That was how the Seeker had found her. Because of her loss of hope, her ego.
"You're overthinking," Terra mused.
Aqua took a deep breath and when her eyes found Terra's through the reflection on the window, her stomach took a dive. "The spell,"
"Stop overthinking."
Aqua closed her eyes and leaned further in. "Did it hurt?"
"No,"
"Are you lying?"
He snorted. "No."
It was quiet again. Aqua almost wished Eraqus had never invited Xehanort for their Mastery Exam. It was easier to read Terra before that, even when he had his breakdowns and had to be locked away from everyone. It was easier for her, back then. Imperfections were easy to ignore, it was easier to ignore the blurred lines too. The mixing of black and white went ignored, reduced to myth.
Now it wasn't. Maybe it weren't, before. Maybe that was why most people gave up protecting the Light.
"Do you have all your memories now?"
"I've always had them," Terra frowned. "It's easier to make children forget, is all."
Downplaying his own situation for the sake of Aqua had been something Terra had always did, but she didn't need it anymore. And they had agreed he would stop doing it. Be honest to each other went lengths and it went both ways. It was a bumpy road.
"Do you want to see it for yourself?" She offered, then. "I inherited your Castle, it's only fair."
Terra smiled at that, chuckled, low. "I have others."
"Oh? Really, now?" Aqua opened her eyes. "How many?"
He shrugged. "I told Merlin the truth, Aqua. It was done and it's gone. It doesn't matter."
"Will you ever tell me why did master Eraqus raised you, then?" She narrowed her eyes at Masters Defender as if it was Eraqus himself.
"Because he could," Terra shook his head lightly. "Because he cared. It's not everyday a child survives a Palace breaking down on their head."
Aqua held her breath for a few seconds. Released. "What?"
"What I mean is, empathy led him to me." Terra course corrected immediately. "I'm here because of him, and I don't think it would be a sound idea to go back now."
"You really believe that? What if they want you back?"
Terra tensed at that. "Aqua," He exhaled. "It's been twenty four years."
Aqua blinked a few times, astonished. Alas, she didn't say a word anymore. For them, time passed differently. He had been possessed. Aqua had been thrown into another Realm entirely. He became someone entirely new, too, twice at that, at the same time. Rage consumed armor, obsessive and compulsive scientist. Maybe he didn't want to go back because it hurt. Maybe this hurt too, but a different kind of hurt. Aqua wouldn't know.
"They can't leave their World like we can," Aqua offered in a strained whisper. "Maybe they're still looking for you, on their own way."
Terra closed his eyes, lowered his head, sniffed at her hair. His arms tightened around her just a bit.
"No one searches for that long."
Aqua bit her lips. "How long were you searching?"
He caved, then. "It's in the Outer Worlds."
Oh. Aqua breathed in again, trying to steady her heart again before Terra scolded her for worrying so much. Stared at the reflection of their guests, sound asleep on their beds.
"Why was he there?" She eventually asked, eyes on Naminé as the girl stirred a bit.
"He said once it was a look-out mission Xehanort didn't took."
Shit, shit, shit. Aqua swallowed hard at that. "Did he ever told you why?"
"Too much Darkness, imbalance of the World's own natural magic." Terra easily answered. Like he had been reading a book. "Xehanort apparently didn't took these things well."
Searching old armory in books of myths. He read Eraqus' reports too, then. And since he had been the closest thing they ever had from a master back then, being the only student allowed in the Master's Tower, he might've heard a lot of things too.
"What happened to you?" She finally asked what she had meant from the beginning.
"Hm?"
"Before Eraqus."
Terra snarled, then, against her shoulder. "Doesn't matter."
"Alright," Aqua shook her head. Stared out the window again, at the sun rising. "Whenever you're ready, then."
Terra giggled. It made Aqua's breath stutter a bit.
"Sorry,"
"It's fine," She mumbled, feigning annoyance. "Just don't let me in the dark."
"Not even if I wanted to," He said more to himself than Aqua, but it made her curious all the same.
"What was that? Sorry, could you repeat?"
"Sorry," He grimaced. "Xemnas wants to speak."
Aqua paused. "With... With you?"
"Aeons, no," Terra's grimace worsened. "He wants to speak with you."
"How considerate of him to warn me," Aqua shook her head. "Let him speak. Just, uh, let go first. That would be weird."
Terra tilted his head, eyes slowly turning yellow. "Why?"
"Cause you're hugging me, Terra. Don't be stupid."
But he was already out. Yellow eyes took a whole minute, but when they finally focused, they focused on the scenery outside, taking in everything it could. It was so strange to see the eyes that had taken the landscape for granted before to watch it with quiet consideration and wander. A humble approach.
For a single second, Aqua felt caged. Xemnas moved away from her the moment after, as if she had burned him by just being near. He moved even closer to the window, dull yellow catching the hilt of Masters Defender with his eyes and mind. He didn't say a word for another minute or so, calculating.
As if he was comparing the view to somewhere else.
"You are different." He finally said, and Terra's voice had lowered to a concerning degree.
"From what?" Aqua crossed her arms, eyed Naminé again, then they fixed back on Terra.
"Imagination." Terra said, head tilting in a slight sign of contemplation. "But you need not worry, I intent to keep myself away from this body and mind."
That... That was nice, really. "Will you?"
"Until he gathers courage, that is."
"Courage... What for?"
"Emergence." Xemnas said with a finality Aqua had never heard. "To live in contempt is to ignore one's own wishes. And in contempt he is."
"So whenever he's ready... You'll take over, is that what you're warning me about?" Aqua scowled at Terra, knowing full well he could not see it.
Xemnas turned his head around a bit, eyes focused on her, finally. "I will give him what I have."
Aqua frowned, then. "You're not making any sense."
"What a shame," He sighed. "Explaning would not be productive, as your heart laces itself with fear. In another life, I would gladly take the sight. Fear does not suit you, however. It never did."
He turned to the window again. "You left it for him, however, it found me instead."
Left... Aqua stared at where Xemnas was staring.
Masters Defender.
Stormfall.
"I did," She croaked. "For him to remember."
"Inkling," Xemnas offered. "A part of him remembered, yes. You never left. A heart is only pain, and to suffer it is to live. And live he did."
Terra said he survived through rage, and he hadn't lied. Neither was Xemnas, now. It was such an odd of an admission, that Terra had cared enough to fight through possession, that his feelings found a way to persist inside a body that wasn't his anymore.
"Indeed," Xemnas stared at her through the glass. "Does it bother you, that in all parts equal, he loves you still?"
Love. Aqua breathed in, sharp. Bit her inner cheek.
"In equal parts," She echoed. "You're admitting to something else aside of loneliness?"
Xemnas gave her the faintest smile she had ever seen. "Perhaps."
"As in.. Ansem feels that as well?"
The smile grew a bit, amused. "Yes."
"Then why..." Aqua did not dare finish her sentence.
Yellow eyes gleamed. "It is learned differently, when the one thing you wish for is somewhere else."
Love is not given when you're the target of hatred.
Aqua felt her eyes stung, her vision blurry with tears.
"You wanted to tell me that, because?"
"You are the very reason for why he holds back," Xemnas stared past Aqua. "And he wishes he could learn not to."
Oh.
He did say something about the World came originally came from being closer to the True Sun. Outer Worlds weren't granted access if not for very specific missions. The balance of Light and Darkness was scarce there. There wasn't much of a line. He wanted to go, but he didn't want to leave them.
Because if he did, he'd never come back.
Notes:
AHAHAHAHA I'M VERY SANE
Chapter 9: Disappear
Summary:
Ventus meets some old friends.
Notes:
This is THE BIGGEST CHAPTER YET. If I didn't made Chapter 2 into, well, chapter 2, Chapter One and this big boy would be competing with each other wkrjejrjdj
Chapter Text
Took them a few days, at best. Radiant Gardens were alive and well, as it should be. Ventus ran around the square alongside Xion. She had never been there in the square, only in the Labs, so that was something new for both of them. Ventus had only been there twice — once searching for Terra and then to check his heart.
They weren't there to check his Heart, they were there because Ienzo said that had news for Ventus regarding his heart. Which meant free ice cream and a visit to Kairi in the meantime. The first was that Ansem The Wise located a connection to his Heart that had nothing to do with Sora at all, and Terra squeezed his hand in anticipation for both of them. The second was that there was someone they wished Ventus to see. Then they got to the rooms and before he could enter, they placed something on his chest. Ienzo said it would detect any leak of darkness from his heart — because of the overflow.
Xion went to see Kairi. Terra and Aqua were moved to another room, just beside the one they lead Ventus, to assist Ienzo with the technicality of magic. There were windows everywhere, but they looked more like mirrors, if anything. Big mirrors.
"Hello?" Ventus asked to no one in particular.
A girl emerged from the shadows of the room, wearing a lab coat. Beneath it, a white button up shirt, a black skirt. Long black hair fell down her shoulders and back, like obsidian. Her eyes were greyish blue, more gray than blue, that was. She was a bit older and a whole lot taller than him.
Ventus recognized her immediately. "Skuld?"
Her eyes narrowed at him. "Ven?"
He swallowed. She ran towards him, hugged him so tight he couldn't breathe.
"Ventus! By the Gods!" She let go, eyed him, smiled, bright and teary. Hugged him again. "You're safe!"
I thought you'd hate me for not knowing you.
"I, uh..." His hands were shaking, his breath was fighting his lungs. "I missed you," He settled in.
She let go of him, silent tears of joy falling from her eyes. "And I missed you. I— I thought... Ugh." She grimaced. "I thought you were hurt, before."
"I was," Ventus mumbled. "I hurt myself."
Skuld stared at him, horrified. "Why?"
"Happens sometimes," He sighed.
She smelled like a chemical, disgruntled version of home. Of what it should have been. A reminder.
"What does that even mean?" Skuld scolded him. "Why would you do that?"
"It's... Complicated." Ventus grimaced. "Where's Ephemer?"
Her face went blank. Ventus flinched when she let go again.
"Who's that?"
Ventus blinked at her, slow and deliberate. "Your best friend."
"Huh," Skuld frowned, tongue cleaning teeth. "You sure?"
"Very."
"I'd remember if I—"
"I didn't remember you, Skuld." Ventus cut. "I'm not judging you for not remembering him at all."
She stared. Opened her mouth, closed it. Took his hands on hers, intertwined their fingers.
Hands off.
Ventus gently let go. "I, uhm. Uh. What do you remember?"
"You're older," She said, sudden.
Horrible way to dodge the question, too.
Ventus crossed his arms. "So are you."
"I was always older than you," Skuld shook her head. "When did you... Appear?"
Ventus shrugged. "No idea. Didn't track time."
Skuld's frown kept deepening. "You didn't count?"
"No? I couldn't even remember my name, Skuld."
She gaped at him. "Oh. Oh, Ven, I'm so sorry!"
He smiled, as gentle as he could. He didn't felt warm like he thought he would. He felt terrified, actually. He wanted to go away, ran from her gaze, from whatever it was that she remembered from him, from their past. They weren't friends, not anymore. If they were supposed to be family after the War, then why was he so scared of her and what she represented?
"Did you?" He asked, quietly. "I mean... Did you remember anything when you arrived?"
"No, not really." She mumbled. "There was this guy, uhm... Nort something? Anyhow, he kept coming to me, he'd sit and listen to me rambling about. Never told me where I was or why he was there, but he was nice, and it was great having someone to vent."
Ventus giggled, a bit desperate on the end.
That was dangerous. Very, very dangerous. He felt something crawling under his skin, ready to cut off and expose itself to the world. That was not Skuld, was she? How could she forget Ephemer? She appeared to be there for longer than he was, so it made no sense that her memories didn't return. Did she had lapses like him? Did the scientits helped?
She trusted Xehanort.
"Why are you looking at me like that? Don't believe me?" She teased. "Anyway, he kept coming, and when he didn't, these boys would. Sun and Moon, cause they never told me their names properly."
Ventus frowned. "Huh,"
"They tried to take me out of my cell a few times," She chuckled. "But then they stopped coming. So did the other guy. Then I woke up and there was this scientist..." Skuld stared at the door. "Ansem. He's real nice. Keeps me around and helps me with everything. I'm not in a cell anymore either, so I take that as a win."
The more she spoke, the more he felt his stomach drop. Ansem was anything but nice. He hadn't been nice to Lea or Isa — or Even and Ienzo, for that matter. He had dismissed Xehanort in Terra's body when he brought about his research about the darkness in someone's Heart. The more Skuld spoke, the more Ventus wanted her to disappear.
They were quiet, very much so. Skuld cleared her throat, patted Ven's shoulders. "... And you?"
"I found a family," Ventus said, breathed out. "Aqua. She's the Keyblade Master of where I live."
Skuld raised an eyebrow. Almost as if she didn't believe a word he said. "They still exist?"
"Yeah, we... Just lost one, too." Ventus forced himself to answer. "Because of my last master."
Skuld frowned a bit, hands squeezing his shoulders. "... What?"
"Xehanort," Ventus stared deep inside her eyes. Managed to contain a snarl. "He found me in The Badlands. The Graveyard, you know. Where we fought the first time. He was old, cruel, a bit megalomaniac too. But I guess he did something good, something would made you think very highly of him!" His lips twitched up. "He took Darkness out of me."
Skuld walked a few steps backwards. "What darkness...?"
Ventus' eyes gleamed with sickly misplaced sadism. "You know, Strelitzia's murderer? That Darkness. He divided me in half, broke my Station right down the middle. It got so bad I went into a coma again."
Skuld gaped at him, dread on her eyes. "Ven—" She choked, took her hands off him as if he burned her.
Ventus giggled with a cruel hint of genuine amusement at her reactions. "But it's fine now! Water under the bridge."
Her lips quivered. Ventus smiled.
It didn't reach his eyes.
"And the one you knew wasn't even him, by the way," He chuckled, low, unhinged. "That was my fa— friend, my mentor, Terra. Xehanort ripped his Heart out too. Made it submit to Darkness, not the same as me, one he created. Possessed him for a few years, tried to destroy the Worlds and all." He moved his hand a little. "Hey, Skuld. Do you remember when Darkness took half my Heart away and forced me to merge?"
Skuld had desperate tears on her eyes, stared at him in horror as they fell. "Your... Friend? Possessed? You're not making any sense, Ven!"
"Xehanort wanted me to do that again!" Ven ignored her, laughed, sweet, soft and sick. "But... Well. It didn't work, so plan B it was. But it's good to hear that Terra was nice to you even if he was possessed."
That earned him a loud, hard slap. He blinked.
Skuld still had warm hands. At least now they were on even grounds. She gasped at her own action, retreating her hand. He grinned.
"Hey, you should try and throw a punch." The warmth on his voice died. He glared at her, still smiling, a bit more lunatic. "I can take it now."
"You're not my Ven," She hissed. "You're not him. Whatever you did to him, let him go."
Ventus tilted his head. His eyes narrowed, arms crossing. His blood was boiling, the lights were too bright, and he felt a bit dizzy. He wanted to break something, ran away, take Skuld to The Graveyard.
"You're mean," Skuld whispered. "I don't know what happened to you, but if you let it change you this much, you're not my Ven."
"I'm not yours," Ventus muttered. "I was never yours."
Skuld blinked a few times. Opened her mouth. "That's not what I mea—"
The door opened. Ansem walked through. "Enough,"
Behind him, a pale, distraught Ienzo and a highly curious Even. Skuld ran towards Ansem and he took her in a small embrace before she let go and glared at Ventus as if he was the enemy. Ventus simply smiled. He stared at her for a quiet moment, before Ansem begun speaking, but Ventus didn't filter anything he said. He kept staring at Skuld, trying to remember how she was before, how she was when he was little, when she didn't sounded like a parasite trying to tear down his walls.
"I miss whom you were." Ventus cut whatever it was that Ansem was explaining.
Skuld stared. Ansem stopped speaking.
"I miss who I thought you were," She whispered back to him.
They smiled at each other, but it wasn't a fond one. It was acceptance for what they had become.
"Your leaks spiked," Ienzo said, quiet. "It had nowhere to go, though. Are you feeling any different?"
Ventus took a deep breath. It hurt. He nodded.
Skuld frowned, stared at Ienzo as he gently patted Ven's back, waiting for a better explanation. None came. Even huffed.
"Yes, it peaked when you were talking about murder." He said casually, reading some notes. "Your Heart leaks spiked when you were talking about the ChiBlade as well."
"Heart leaks?" Skuld stared at Ansem, then. "What is that?"
"A condition your friend has," Ansem conceded as he carefully eyed Ventus. "After what Xehanort did to him, his Heart sought refuge inside another's. A boy called Sora. He is the one Ventus mentioned the disappearance at the beginning of your conversation. He was there for a long time, but he did not recover the extraction."
Skuld eyed Ventus again. He tilted his head. That was nothing new to him, but maybe now she'd believe him somewhat. He really couldn't care less.
"It's peaking again, Ventus," Ienzo mumbled. He walked towards Ventus. "Caramel?"
Ventus blinked at him. "Hm?"
"It's different," Ienzo shrugged a bit. "Uncommon. As is everything about you, really. Here," He offered the small screen so Ven could see the spikes going up and down as fast as he could breathe.
Even kept writing, beside Ienzo, as they watched the peaks go higher and subdue.
"His memories are true to his words," Ansem carefully stated to Skuld, then. "But he is yet to show remorse for whatever transgression you might think he commited. It simply does not exist inside his Heart, but somewhere else."
"Where?" Skuld glared.
"The heart of another," Ansem breathed in. "A boy by the name of Van—"
Ventus fell on Ienzo's arms. His nose was bleeding.
"What's happening?!" Skuld rushed to Ienzo, helped him put Ventus in a bench. "What's wrong with him?"
"Were you not listening, girl?" Even scolded and Skuld gave him a murderous glare. "It has begun again. Do we wait, like every other day?"
"How many spikes, Ienzo?" Ansem let go of his writings for a moment.
"A hundred and seven."
"A new record," Even whistled.
Skuld kept speaking with Ventus, though it didn't seem to help him at all. Blood crept out of his ears.
Ienzo went a shade paler. "Father,"
Both Even and Ansem stopped writing and turned to Ienzo. For a second, they glared at each other, and then Ienzo tugged at Even's coat, eyes unblinking.
"His Heart," Skuld said. "I can't sense his Heart. The connection... It's... It's gone!"
His eyes lost the light inside it. Skuld shook Ventus, desperately so. Turned to Ansem, demanded him to do something, anything. Ienzo was frozen in place, shaky hands still clinging to Even's coat as if he was a child again. His eyes finally moved, up, up, to the ceiling, and they turned from dreadful to terrified.
Even stared at the ceiling. Lamps flickered, but aside of that, nothing else happened. Skuld was back at Ventus' side, holding his hands with a grimace as if touching him burned her. Even sat Ienzo down; he was still staring at the ceiling. Then he moved and took a syringe. White liquid stared back at him. Skuld had been too occupied worrying to notice his approach and much less to feel the needle on her neck. Ansem sighed in relief when the girl went limp, asleep. Concentrated medicine wasn't as hard to manage as magic was. Herbs were a wonder.
The whole room felt suddenly claustrophobic. Ansem stumbled over a chair. Even had just put Skuld on another bench when his whole body hunched over. Ienzo always had an affinity for the Dark and for Magic, so it stopped next to him, gently cooed him to sleep.
It's approach to the adults in the room, however, was harsh. Ansem was glued to the ground as shadows crept around his eyes. If he dared to move, they'd make him blind, he knew. Even was not much better, eyes closed and mouth gaping as his veins turned purple and then black. He could not breathe correctly, nose infested with some sort of black liquid. His eyes were bloodshot, as were Ansem's.
"Here," Said a million voices.
Something moved, underneath them.
"Shh," It said, gently. The voices doubled over.
Children, adults, elderly. There was no distinction.
The door creaked open. Vanitas tilted his head.
He laughed, hard, haunting. "Oh, that's great! I walk away for a few days and you guys break him all over again."
His laughter died. Ansem coughed. Vanitas' eyes snapped up at the man frozen in place. "Shut up."
Void Gear appeared.
His eyes scanned the room. His lips twitched with amusement. "Ah, hi Skuld. Thanks for helping them break Vessel number One."
The Keyblade hit the floor hard enough for it to crack. He knelt down. Stared up at Ansem. "Close your eyes, old man. Not letting you in on this."
Ansem did not move. Did not closed his eyes, sharp but small black needles staring back at him. Vanitas basically asked him to go blind, he knew. This kid...
Even huffed, choked. "Ien... Ienzo."
"Oh, I'm no Xehanort," Vanitas waved dismissively. "I'm taking what's mine, nothing else."
His Keyblade cut through the floor again. The crack spread down enough for them to see the sewers. Two hits were all it took for the boy. He hit again, and the room grew a bit colder, some light half illuminated the room from the floor. Three hits, and he split down enough for it to reach... Something.
Vanitas sung some words, some Ansem knew from Xehanort's research on Darkness and it's Realm. It didn't matter, as he could not move to write them, and even if he could, he did not knew what language was that.
"Follow," Vanitas said.
Something did follow him. Small bubbles of light, the magic so powerful they casted a gleam so bright it was almost as if their lamps had twice the power.
Ansem saw something happen, something he had never considered. Vanitas said some more words, this time the scientist could not begin to imagine what they meant. He casted something so terribly cold the room felt like freezing.
Ventus was bleeding through his nose and ears, eyes open but completely dull, without life, as if the boy truly had given up. And then Vanitas moved his Keyblade towards Ventus' chest, and the light followed. Slowly, the lights disappeared inside the boy's system. Void Gear moved Ventus' chin up.
He gasped, swallowed, groaned, moved a bit, fell from the chair Ienzo had put him in, puked. He coiled up, knees up to hide his face, kept whispering nonsense. Vanitas knelt beside him, kept singing, a whispered melody.
The lights flickered back to normalcy and Vanitas was gone. So were the shadows. Almost like they had never been there in the first place.
Even and Ansem stared at each other in dreadful curiosity. How much of Ventus they didn't knew. What a shame, but what a wonderful discovery. They moved the boy next to Skuld. The studies on her had been productive on the regard of Time, but they had always had a problem with Magic, even the Heart was easier to study. Magic was polluted by intention.
Skuld's heart had been a study of Time, how it could affect someone's mind. Ventus, before, had been a study of Heart, much like Kairi. Though now... They stared at each other again, scowled, begun their new agenda. They only had one silent agreement — Ienzo would not be a part of it whatsoever.
When the adults collected themselves enough to pass as if nothing had happened, they asked Ventus what had happened, but he simply stared at them confused and asked if they were going to show what they wanted when he came down there. He didn't even saw the cracks on the floor.
Ventus and Skuld spent the day trying to reconnect after their failed first attempt. The scientists feigned confusion when Skuld woke up desperate, reaching for Ventus only to find him asleep by her side. They made sure to make it seem like a nightmare, hiding the data collected from the experiment.
Ventus had no recollection of it at all, as if the memory had been purged from his mind with his waste hours prior. It helped the scientists hide the truth so well it was almost too good to be true.
The kids endend up in the same place as before, where they couldn't understand each other's sides and differences, but accepted they weren't the same anymore and what hope they had had been given to them by nostalgia and only that.
Time time, however, Ventus' Heart did not leak, he did not bit and snarled, he was the kind and gentle boy they all knew. Skuld went back to the school Daisy had, meant for tutorship of girls only and Ventus went back home. Just what was happening to Ventus' Heart?
* * *
How bright of a day that was. First, a Keyblade appeared out of nowhere on his living room, and then Larxene had the audacity to joke about the broken furniture. It was already difficult for them to live together again, and now this. Marluxia went specifically to the outer cities of Radiant Gardens to be away from these things. As far away as the Castle would allow them, anyhow.
Now that the Organization was no more and his heart had been fully restored, he could focus on his original mission before the coup and the comeback. Find his little—
Marluxia stopped as soon as he left home. Storms were the rarest thing on Radiant Gardens. Rain? Yes, very common. Something more catastrophic? With thunder? Not very much. It was 1700, or at least it was the last time he saw a clock, it should not be raining like that. Marluxia glared at the sky, walked to the main Fair even if it drenched him.
A salesman raised an eyebrow at him but Marluxia ignored him and huffed, going for the Market so he could buy a new chair, else Larxene would *not* shut up about it. Especially since it was his fault, apparently, as the weapon kept following him as if he had a damned target on his back.
He knew that Keyblade, anyhow.
It was what got him into the Organization, the memory of it. He knew now, but not because of Xemnas, that man was too damn much philosophical to trully explain things. He reminded Marluxia of home, a distorted version of it, and it had been infuriating. Xemnas spoke like a true combination of magical madman and a scientist. Less of a madman and more of a magical philosopher.
Like a true Foreteller. If he could put them face to face, he'd have the time of his life.
He found a chair, pretty enough Larxene wouldn't get on his ass about the broken furniture again, comfortable enough for him to forget his favourite even broke in the first place. The salesman said he would deliver it safely to his address, and Marluxia tried to believe the man. Four years he had been around there and still couldn't trust the most gentle of grandmothers. He heard a scream when he got outside — the children shouldn't be at the Square with this storm going about. Some very irresponsible adults were running here and there, trying to go home or find safety at the expense of others.
His eyes found the Castle grounds. Hollow Bastion was a place of Magic and Science, and he hated one of the elements very much. Someone was walking out the Castle grounds. They somehow had summons, the three of them. The woman patted a child's head. Very familiar view. His eyes eyed the dark clouds again. Focused on the view of the lightning and the sound of thunder.
Marluxia took a moment just appreciating the rain, as heavy as it was. The smell, the running water. He heard the typical sound of an animal he hoarded tremendous hatred for ever since he came to Radiant Gardens. Maybe even before that.
"Oh, what's that?" Xigbar snorted. "What you're grimacing for, kid? It's just a cow, relax. They're everywhere around here, for some reason. Geez, If I didn't knew any better I'd think someone almost killed you because of one!"
Marluxia grimaced. Right. His eyes opened and patted his very wet waistcoat. He was ready to leave when a kid fell right before him. Well, he had two options. He could ignore the kid, as he was already getting up. Or... It didn't matter anyway, the boy got up alone, huffed, spilled something, grimaced and finally looked up to Marluxia.
For an insane second, Marluxia thought he was going to die. That the Barrier his own Keyblade had become around his heart finally decided to stop being stubborn, break and let the bullet take over.
"Oh hoho, You have seen better days, Marly," Xigbar sing sung. "Is it because of Roxas? Honestly, same. It's like I know him from elsewhere. You got that too, huh? Decided to be all mentor-ish with him. It's cute. Like he's your little brother or something."
A Roxas clone looked up at him, though his eyes weren't the sky blue they were supposed to be, and his hair was ashy blond with one very odd almost white streak on one of his bangs. Not silver, like Xemnas' hair, but trully white.
Fucking Vexen— Even, he corrected his thoughts. Maybe he made somethings different so they could recognize which was which. He wouldn't know.
The greys and dark purple of the clouds around them made his blue eyes almost water-like. Silver, reflecting light blue. The boy wore a strapped light gray and white waistcoat with a black turtleneck shirt underneath and a jacket half black, half white.
Marluxia's heart ached, twisted with a sordid familiarity he only felt when near Larxene.
"You're bleeding," He said.
His voice was not supposed to be this strained. Maybe he was catching a cold. His immune system had been acting odd ever since he had been restored. Larxene had been acting odd too.
"Uh," The kid said, very coherent. He put his hands over his nose, sniffed. Rolled his eyes. "Uhm. Sorry."
Marluxia blinked a few times. Because... Why was he feeling so wierded out by this kid? Replicas were a common thing when they were in the Organization.
It wasn't uneasiness, no. A different kind of ache.
"For bleeding?" He asked at the same time a thunder clapped.
The boy sighed. He muttered another "Sorry," and Marluxia had enough. He pulled the boy until he was on his own doorstep, opened. He shouldn't be doing this. He didn't knew this kid. Why was he feeling so wierd. Acting, too. He got the kid some towels, some of Larxene's clothes — he could deal with her annoying him about it later. The bathroom felt a bit smaller than it was with the two of them, but he found he didn't really mind like he did with others.
The kid didn't stop him either, so he guessed it was fine. Being a Nobody for a while made him quite confused with social norms. And it made hard to discern his feelings. Two edged sword, that was. There was a pause betweem them, the kid's eyes shining with some sort of recognition, but then he looked away, fiddling with his jacket. It shouldn't have stung the way it did. Marluxia cleared his throat, acting like the adult he barely was.
And then he found himself slowly getting to his knees, leveling his eyes with the boy sitting on his toilet. He knew that most people didn't interact with magic well enough to learn it or absorb it, but if the kid was coming out of the Bastion of all places, he could take a little Cure. Or, well, that had been his immediate thought. His hands, however, had other plans, as they grabbed the little box full of stuff for practical medical healing. He frowned, letting the alcohol wet a bit of cotton fabric. His eyes found bluish silver again, and Marluxia paused.
"Tell me if it hurts," He murmured, not even sure if the boy heard him or not.
The alcohol didn't gave the boy a reaction, but the fabric came soaked with blood and... The essence of a Dark Corridor, for some reason. Liquified Darkness. His frown only deepened. What in the hells was Even thinking, doing this to a Heart, whoever heart's it was. This stuff was corrosive, without training it could drown the poor fool that tried tying themselves to the Realm of Darkness for the Corridor to open.
"Did the scientists did this?" He asked, soft enough not to scare the kid.
The kid looked sheepishly at him. "No, that's... That's all me, sorry."
"You apologize a lot, you know that?"
He opened his mouth. Closed it. Marluxia felt awfully proud, he just didn't knew it was of himself or the boy. And if it was the boy, he didn't knew why he was proud at all. He shouldn't be.
"I do a lot of wrongs," He kid whispered.
"No, you don't," Escaped him before he could even think. "People do you wrong, that's different."
There it was again, that little flame of recognition.
The kid smiled, and Marluxia felt as if he could cry at any second. Why. He breathed in.
"Where did you go?" Marluxia asked, then.
"I don't know," Bluish silver eyes met his. "I didn't wanna leave you."
Marluxia closed his eyes. The wave of relief washed over him and his heart took a happy dive. He found his arms wrapped around the boy, as gentle as he could — as he could never be, before.
He breathed in. Caramel and rain. Darkness and a wiff of a cold so great, so vast and hungry it could only be Pure Light. He knew this kid. He knew that scent. He could recognize it anywhere.
"I'm sorry I left you," Marluxia forced himself to say.
Ventus giggled, patted his head. "It's fine, Lauriam. I'm glad you're alive."
Alive. Alive. Gods. He felt fingers running through his hair. He hated when others did it, trully did. Not even Larxene was allowed to mess with his hair, though Axel would try anytime he could. He found he didn't care if it was Ventus. He didn't care because it was Ventus. He had never meant to leave, especiallly not without warning. He just didn't want Ven to hear him screaming. Begging for his wound to open again and let him die on some pretty hill where his Heart could find Strelitzia's.
"You're here now, that's all that matters to me," Ven reassured in soft whispers against his hair.
"Look at you, all grown up," Marluxia let go of him a bit. "Why Sora's Nobody looks exactly like you, mind explaining?"
"You know Roxas?"
"I was a part of the Organization," Marluxia frowned. "For a while."
He saw some sort of worry pass by Ventus' eyes. He concealed it by looking away for a second. "Oh."
"So, you and Roxas."
Ven wrinkled his nose a bit. "Yeah, uh. Xehanort broke my Heart in two, Sora's Heart found mine. I got to sleep for some time and when Sora decided suicide was the way to go to save Kairi, I was kind of taken by force to Roxas instead."
Marluxia blinked slowly at him. "How did you even got near Xehanort...?"
"You know... I was the first to ger near him." Ventus smiled sheepishly and lowered his hands. "After you left, I begged to go home. Darkness took me to the closest thing, I guess."
Marluxia scowled, bit his tongue and breathed in, letting go of his anger for a moment. His face became the perfect mask of neutrality, as it was when he was annoyed at someone at the Organization. So that thing was still around Ven.
His voice was gentle, however. "Took you where?"
"The Graveyard," Ven breathed in a deep breath. "That's where Xehanort found me. He got to train me for a few months. Asked me to help him out, but I refused, and then he just... Cut me in half. He took Darkness away from me, but it took half my heart too. That's why I have these leakings."
Marluxia nodded throughout the explanation.
"He thought he broke me for good and he dumped me in Destiny Islands, but Sora found me, healed me, and Xehanort left me with a... Friend of his. Master Eraqus. He was nice, not nice like Invi or Ava, but he was nice anyway." Ventus giggled. His giggles died out. "Xehanort killed him to get a reaction out of my, uh..."
Marluxia nodded again, encouraging. "Your...?"
"Mentor," Ventus squeaked. "Friend! Terra. Then he possessed Terra, they go back and forth fighting for the body, and tada! Xemnas and The Seeker. And I got back to Sora. The end."
Marluxia chuckled and shook his head. "For how long you were with Eraqus?"
"Two years."
"How long with Sora?"
"Twe—" Ventus swallowed. "You're not gonna like it,"
"Try me."
"Twelve."
Marluxia stared at him, hard. It was almost a glare. Not at Ventus. At himself. How could have he not recognize the pull he had to Sora as something to despise instead of the call of a friend it was? How could he had give part of him to a man that wished nothing but destruction. He knew, deep down. He wanted everything to vanish as his siblings had. Could not grieve properly, so he'd make the world burn with him instead. If only he knew one of them had been alive this whole time — a half life, that is.
"Will," He swallowed his misery. "Can you ever find it inside you to forgive me?"
Ventus blinked at him with a confusion borne of innocence, ignorance. "For what?"
"Leaving. Siding with someone that made you a prisoner to someone else's heart." Marluxia frowned. "You don't have to answer me now."
"Lauriam," Ventus breathed. "I don't have to forgive you. You didn't do anything wrong."
His frown deepened. "I tried to kill your friend... Guardian? Sora. Twice."
Ventus smiled with some sort of pain, but not at his words. "That's for him to forgive, not me. You did what you had to. I did what I had to. Can't blame anyone for anything, at this point."
But that wasn't true, was it? Their Masters had started a War on the name of Kingdom Hearts for nothing. He lost his sister, Ventus lost his family, as did Ephemer. And then Marluxia went and did the exact same thing his Masters had done.
He ruined many lives, Skuld's included, for not knowing to cope with his own grief. He had seen her come and go from Hollow Bastion with Daisy but had never gathered the courage to speak with her. He didn't deserve it. He didn't deserve this.
Ven sneezed. Marluxia got up. "Go shower. You can call your friend after."
Ven nodded, slow, with a small smile that would certainly haunt Marluxia as soon as he left the bathroom. He took two steps back, opened the door.
Ven was left alone in the bathroom.
Chapter 10: Ascend
Summary:
Terra dives.
Ventus falls.
Notes:
3k words worth of Terra being confused by Xemnas and Ansem, 3k words worth of Ventus being weird about Lauriam. ENJOY!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
"Terra!"
That was one desperate scream. The rubble felt heavy around him, dust gathered at his hair, at his eyelashes. Breathing was hard. His mouth was dry. He was almost sure his lungs would collapse at any second, and the blood and bile around him did not made breathing easier. Desperation clung to him like a second skin — like dust was. His dried tears had cleaned a bit of his face, but the fire made it hard to see anything, even if he tried to force his poor eyes.
"TERRA!"
He was listening. He couldn't answer, but he tried anyways. How could he not? It was his mother. His voice wouldn't come, though he tried. He moved. Something cracked. Something broke. Terra didn't felt the pain anymore. He was too used to it now.
Something fell again. He screamed. Put his lungs to something useful. Tried to move the debris above him, bit through concrete and glass. Everything hurt. Red and grey was all he could see. And some silhouettes behind the fire. Aside of it, his own bloody hands. Terra couldn't feel his left leg. He tried kicking. Screamed again. His mind went blank.
You cannot reach further, child.
Terra woke up slowly. His limbs were heavy. Not as heavy as it had been under the rubble. He sighed, breathed in, and out. Alive. He was alive. Terra lit up a hidden candle inside a hidden passage on his wardrobe. He snorted. Like father like son. He had been doing that a lot, ever since they came back.
At the end of every month, he'd lit up a candle inside his room and pray. Eraqus had taught him to do that, and whom to pray for. The other kids didn't do any of that. He figured that it was something to do with the Kingdoms around his former family's home. Now he knew exactly why Eraqus had taught him that particular piece of cultural immersion.
The Seeker had a different voice inside his head. He didn't knew if it was closer to what it was outside. It was him that always spoke to Terra inside these dreams. Dreams he had since he was little. Eraqus had said they were only nightmares. That he knew a good spell to keep them away for a while.
It had worked wonders.
He grabbed one of Eraqus' old books. There was a map of the Outer Worlds there. He had mapped where exactly he had found Terra, but he kept it hidden inside the old mythology books. Because they were myths, and not useful for the Keybearers.
Safe from Terra's hands until he became a master himself. He tasted ashes on his mouth, but managed to smile at the memories of Eraqus' light pout when he asked about the mythos of the first Keybearers. He'd always excuse himself not to read them. Made Terra promise, swear on Earthshaker, he'd not read these books. He stared at the collection inside his closet, eyes heavy with grief and worry.
Terra frowned at the candle. "I should stop overthinking, too."
The fire moved, but did not answer.
"And talk to Aqua... Or Ven..." He sighed. Groaned. "No... Not now. Not yet."
It moved again. Terra stared af the flame. He could almost hear his father's voice — the biological one — whispering for him to pray properly instead of treating the Aeon as a friend. It was their patron deity, not some peasant. He stared at the door for about five seconds before he gave up and decided to follow through with the full tradition.
Or at least what he remembered of it and what Eraqus had written inside his journals.
He shouldn't be doing this alone, but Eraqus wasn't there for him anymore.
And whose fault is that?
Terra went to the kitchens only to find Aqua already there with Roxas and Naminé. He tried not to chuckle at the combined effort of Roxas and Aqua to teach Naminé how to bake. She had good hands for magic and drawings, but anything else would be asking too much of the poor girl. She noticed him first, ever the beggar, her lips pursed and brows furrowed. Aqua lifted her eyes from the mess the kids called dough.
"Great of you to join us, Terra," Aqua snorted. She had powder on her cheeks and a bit on her hair too. "Mind holding Naminé still for this?"
Naminé grimaced and Roxas giggled. "It's not that bad, Nami, really isn't. I was worse when I started."
"You're just being nice," She mumbled. "Not my fault I don't have the strength for..." Naminé waved at the bread dough she clearly failed to produce.
Roxas tried to hold back his laughter. Aqua sighed.
"Help your poor child, please." Aqua grabbed him by the hands. If she caught whiff of the candle wax, she didn't say anything.
Terra chuckled. "Which one? You, Roxas or Naminé?"
Naminé snorted. Roxas barked a laugh and hid his mouth with his hand a second after, shoulders shaking as Naminé threw powder at him. He had made himself an armor of aprons, apparently very necessary as Naminé kept throwing hands with the dough and the topping. Aqua pressed her index finger and thumb on her eyes.
"Nami, dear, not like... You know what? Yeah. Exactly like that! Punch it, if you must!"
Roxas hid his face on Naminé's shoulder, laughing quietly and coughing a bit when she patted his head, hand dirty. Terra stared at her dreadful effort.
"Yeah, no," He muttered with a wrinkle of his nose. "You know who'd appreciate this?"
Roxas' eyes found his. There was some sort of begging there, but Terra ignored it with a mischievous grin. It was Squall Leonhart and Aerith Gainsborough time. Esoterics and the Divine kind of time. Roxas visually deflated, the poor kid. Riku might be talking his ears off.
"Ifrit," Terra said and shrugged. "It's a good offering, the burnt bread and half done cake."
Naminé tilted her head, immediately forgetting her third try on the bread dough. "Who's that?"
Roxas rolled his eyes. "No," He whined. "Please leave Nami out of Gods listings!"
"There's a list?" Naminé asked, eyes shining.
"Ask Riku about it," Aqua shrugged, grabbing one of Roxas' freshly baked cookies. "Leon's teaching him."
Roxas grimaced. "Thank you Aqua, now I won't be able to sleep for a whole week."
Naminé's knowing eyes found Terra. "But you said offerings... The Gods only lend strength to mages and Keybearers, no?"
Aqua raised an eyebrow. Terra smiled, tense.
"Not really," He said, then. "Normal people can pray to them too, for whatever reason."
Roxas sighed, exasperated. "Great, now my sleep schedule is gone."
"Is there any specific requirements?" Naminé asked, a bit eager. "Any particular pray for the Gods?"
Aqua giggled. Roxas threw his hands up, theatrically giving up his dreams of pastry and naps. Terra stared at the half baked bread, then back at Naminé. He didn't knew if he should do this. But he wanted to, and Naminé just wanted to learn.
"I have a special one," He said.
That got Roxas' attention. And Aqua's. Naminé's eyes widened a bit and her smile grew.
"It's a prayer for safety," Terra said as he stared back at the half baked bread. "Eraqus taught me."
He took it upon himself to end Naminé's torment and took her place in the kitchen. Roxas gave her a gentle pat on the shoulder as she sighed in discontent and Aqua chuckled. Cooking and baking came easily for him. And it hadn't been a lie either. Eraqus had made him learn everything he could teach, and it turned out to be a whole lot of random things, from baking to smithing. It just so happened that he needed constant distraction, even with his trainings on the way of Light and the Keyblade.
"How do you know the Gods heard you, though?" Naminé asked.
Aqua tilted her head and Roxas frowned. That was a good question and they were sure Aerith would be eager to answer for both Terra and Leon, but Aerith was not there and they were all curious. Terra knew. Terra knew exactly how the Gods answered.
"They give you a sign only you would understand through your connection with them." Terra said easily, as easy as he was breaking the eggs and pouring sugar and powder in the bowl. Again, it wasn't a lie. His sign just happened to be horrible. "They're a manifestation of True Balance in the Worlds, not good nor bad."
Naminé nodded and Roxas stared at the bowl.
"Do you have any particular God you'd like to pray for?" Aqua asked Naminé.
She smiled sheepishly. "Oh, uhm..." Her eyes turned to Roxas. "Something about good fortune, I guess."
Roxas smiled and lowered his head to his cookies.
Terra knew what this was about. They were trying to find ways to deal with their grief and worry over Sora. Terra would stop to listen to them as they trully needed, if he could.
Aqua was a great leader, and though her mother had given her the patience for such endeavors as being a leader and dealing with loss and group gatherings, Eraqus hadn't taught her how to take care of bureaucratic things, so the well-being of most of them fell upon Lea, Isa and Terra.
Mostly Terra, which had actual bureaucratic backgrounds. Eraqus wouldn't shut about it too.
He took one good look at the pastry, took it to the oven. "The Phoenix is a good one for that. Entity of Revival and eternal life."
"That's actually a good one," Roxas said, eyes twinkling with something renewed. "Thanks."
Terra smiled. His eyes were back at the oven. "Tirthy five minutes, Naminé."
"That long?" Naminé asked and laid her head on the table. Roxas took one of her hands into his.
"They take longer, sometimes," Aqua relaxed a bit more on her chair when Terra sit beside her. "When we used to have the birth month parties. It would take two whole days for people to be able to use the ovens again. People tried cooking with magic but... Unless you're really good with it, it'll be messy."
"Magic cooking," Naminé said, wistful. "That sounds so nice."
"You want Isa on your hair again?" Roxas grumbled.
Naminé grimaced, shaking her head no, and Aqua giggled. If Terra squinted hard enough, the three of them almost looked like a proper family. Almost.
"You used to have more people here?" Naminé eyed Terra. "And birthday parties?"
Terra sighed, eyes glued on the oven. "Not day, but month. At the end of each month. We could go home when it was our actual birthday, it was made just to celebrate the ones still with us."
"Oh," Roxas frowned. "That sounds nice. Did they... Uh... Are they gone?"
Aqua snorted. "They gave up protecting the Light."
Roxas' eyes widened. "People can do that?"
"When you become a master, you can renounce someone else's Keyblade." Terra grimaced. "Their Keyblades can become wards for the World they're from or become one with them again."
Aqua stared at him, curious. He almost forgot this was knowledge that wasn't normally passed down to apprentices. That he had been an exception. That it was Eraqus that was supposed to tell her that.
It was quiet for about five seconds, everyone taking in the news revealed to them.
"When was the last one?" Naminé asked.
Aqua frowned. "Hm?"
"The last month party," Naminé clarified.
Aqua gave Terra a warning glare. He giggled.
"It was a wedding, actually," He said as if the was revealing a big secret. "But don't tell Aqua, she gets all flustered when someone brings it up."
She huffed and rolled her eyes. Naminé chuckled and Roxas snorted, shaking his head.
"But why? Aren't marriages a good thing?" Naminé tilted her head a bit. "The people in Twilight Town talk about it as if it is."
"It is," Aqua said, after a wrinkle of her nose. "It was a good thing. Very pretty too."
Roxas shook his head slightly as a smirk made it's way on his lips. "There's a but here somewhere."
Terra chuckled and shook his head. "There's this tradition in the villages below us, they say the bride chooses the next one by throwing a ring or something. If you want it, you have to find it."
Naminé beamed. "That's kind of funny. Like a game!"
"Aqua got the ring."
They were silent. Two pairs of sky blue eyes turned towards her. Roxas' eyes narrowed. "How?"
"Liz, the bride, she threw it upwards and it just..." Terra received a slap as he giggled. "Fell right on her head. Master Eraqus wouldn't shut up about it."
"So you're secretly married?" Roxas raised an eyebrow and pointed his index between them.
Aqua groaned, hiding her face with her hands in disapproval. But Terra had big mischievous grin.
"Isn't it obvious?" He asked and got up before Aqua could punch him to death. She did hit him with one.
Naminé had that gentle confusion on her eyes as if she didn't knew if she should be trusting every word of what she heard and Roxas had lowered his head, hiding it on his arms as he attempted not to die in laughter. Aqua explained that while everybody did asked about it at the time and yes, the bride teased her to death about it, she didn't marry anyone, much to master Eraqus' dismay and disappointment.
The cake was ready and they decided Terra was a better culinary teacher than Aqua, as Naminé finally understood how to make toppings for bread and cake and the difference between them. They were going over Twilight Town to share the dessert with the others. That was the plan, but before they could leave, Terra had to end his prayers. He gave them a very poor excuse. Take one for Chirithy and all. Not that the Dream Eater would care to be used like that, it wasn't a lie, just an excuse.
"You can cook?" Chirithy asked in quiet wonder. "Most kids back home couldn't! We had a shared community kitchen just for it."
Terra chuckled at the thought. It wasn't much different than how it was in the Castle before.
"Our masters tried to make everyone very self sufficient," He said with a shake of his head. "Learned it with my father."
"This... Master Eraqus, yes?"
"Yeah, he could hardly cook, but baking? He had a taste for sweet things, I guess."
Chirithy giggled. "Just like Ven."
Terra snorted. "Just like Ven," He agreed, eyes suddenly on his room door. "Hey, Chirithy... Can you piece someone else's memories or is it just Ven's?"
"I can help with memories, yes!" Chirithy chirped. "If I sense a connection, I can cut some spells and protect the ones I am meant to protect."
Terra hummed. Opened the door, and then the closet door. He had a little, very well hidden shrine.
Chirithy cooed, impressed. "You wear a lot of grey and white, but most of these clothes here are black and gold." They turned their head up toward Terra. "I sense doubt on your mind and a weight on your heart. Is this supposed to be a secret?"
"Not anymore, no," Terra gently reassured. "Don't worry. It's just... I've done this with my father before. Been doing this alone for a while. I don't know how to... Ask? Explain? I just don't know anything anymore."
Chirithy hummed and nodded. Put their paws on Terra's thigh as he sit face to face with the candle and lit it up with a whisper of a incantation.
"Slow, master Terra," Chirithy said, then. "Bring these things up slowly. We rushed Ventus, and your Darkness, though not as old, is far more dangerous."
Not as old. How old Ven trully was, then? He forced his mind to let go of the thought.
More dangerous.
Terra closed his eyes. Breathed in, deep.
Fire cracked, dust gathered. He could taste ashe and blood. He could feel Chirithy somewhere beside him, and he felt his blood rushing to his head as if he was upside down. A gloved hand was extended toward him. The Seeker's hand. The Heartless, again. Eyes still closed, he reached. Something ran through his hair. Not exactly fingers, but substantial enough to feel like it. From the back of the head all the way to his ears, then it slowly dragged itself away. Terra exhaled. Opened his eyes.
Brown eyes stared at him. His own face, older, though the skin was a shade darker than his — Xehanort's Nobody. His Nobody. It always made him uneasy just how much they looked alike. The Nobody raised a hand, touched his face. As always.
This time Terra didn't back away. He could still feel Chirithy somewhere, with him. The Nobody moved closer, still at arm's length. Xemnas hummed, a low rumble out of his chest and throat. He was far more calculating than Ansem was, and some part of Terra wanted to blame Xehanort for it, the convenient old creep. He had known Terra for years, had known the same things Eraqus did. His darkness ran deep, just like his anger. And it was used against him.
He stared, waiting for the mask to crack, for the Nobody to snap. It never came. What did came, however, was a step closer. Brown eyes searched, scanned, waited. Maybe it was Terra that was supposed to snap. He wouldn't give Xehanort that taste ever again. They were in a paused version of the Palace, fire unmoving, dust frozen in the air.
Chirithy was no more, but there was a bright orange pair of eyes in the shadows of the first column behind Xemnas that gave Terra a good guess of why he couldn't feel the Dream Eater anymore.
"But he is not here anymore, is he?" Xemnas muttered. He dressed in ceremonial clothes made for royalty, all black with gold and silver threads. "We are what is left of him, the both of us."
Terra breathed in. He didn't knew why Xemnas' voice made him so confused. It didn't sound like Ansem's, though both of them ran deep — almost like his, nothing like him. Absolutely not like Xehanort, which would've been very ego damaging for the old man. Gods knew he had it big.
"You look worried, Terra."
He frowned. Did he looked worried?
What was he worried for?
Terra stared at Xemnas, narrowed his eyes. "You don't get to say my name."
Xemnas was the ever perfect mask of neutrality, though his eyes gleamed with concealed amusement. It was so familiar, and so difficult to place why was it familiar in the first place. Xemnas was a byproduct of Xehanort's possession over his body, the Nobody shouldn't have muscle memory for something Terra himself had forgotten how to do.
It was there nonetheless.
"You worry for what you cannot comprehend, though you do not seem afraid." The Nobody spoke again. "I was once called Superior, alas the title is beneath me. It may suit you better."
His hand never left Terra's face, barely there but there all the same. Remnants of something.
"I'm not... That."
"Do you wish to be called your title by birth?"
Terra paused. Stared. "Your eyes were gold before."
The corner of the Nobody's lips moved, if only a little, upwards. He might have seen the change of subject coming from a mile away. "Do you see them any different?"
Terra looked down. His fingers twitched. "... No."
A finger stroked his cheek and he looked up again.
Fuck. His heart throbbed with recognition and an overwhelming sense of miss. Of loneliness. He knew there was something very off with Xemnas, especially. He looked so much like his— "Your... You're—"
"You do see them differently." Xemnas concluded. "There is no reason to lie, I am a part of you. I will know, try as you must."
That was true. Terra inhaled deeply, though his exhale came out shaky. "Sure."
Xemnas tilted his head, a slight, curious move. "What am I supposed to be sure about? Your acceptance over your condition and heritage is fickle and frail."
Terra moved his hand, grasped Xemnas', moved them away from his face, maybe a bit too slow, but away anyhow. Xemnas let him. It was strange, touching a mirror that was warm. That felt like a human but had no humanity whatsoever.
"Why are you showing me this?"
Xemnas stared at him, waiting for the bite.
Terra didn't gave any. He just swallowed them, forcefully, fighting a snarl. He didn't let go of the Nobody either. Didn't want to.
"You are here to see for yourself." Xemnas gave. "The curse might be broken, but it was your Heart that chose to cast away what did not suit your new life."
"... And now it does?"
"There is only you, now," Xemnas' lips moved a bit upwards again. "No other side is needed to give your Heart a path to follow. It can follow whomever."
"Why does this sounds like trap?" Terra asked more to himself than Xemnas.
The Nobody answered anyway. "When you follow the path others set for you your whole life, your own choices will seem lesser."
Terra's eyes flickered with uncertainty. "I... Didn't chose this."
Xemnas' right hand moved, slow, deliberate. Waiting for Terra to stop him. He didn't. He pulled Terra's hand away from his left wrist.
"You would not know. You are yet to try and open your eyes by your own accord."
Terra closed his eyes, just as slow. "Show me, then."
"As you wish," Both Heartless and Nobody said in unison, with different levels of amusement. "My Liege."
* * *
Ventus followed Vanitas' words religiously. Do not feed Darkness with desperation. He had agreed to it and he would follow through. He didn't want another fight between them, especially now that he was...
Getting along with him. Somewhat. Somehow.
So when he ran after a stray cat for one of the children in the square and fumbled his mission horribly by stumbling and falling on someone's boots, he did not gave in to anger. When he got up, he did not gave in to the need to hug Lauriam, trap him with questions, punch him to death. Hold his hands and close his eyes. He just stared. Tried to find something, anything, that let him know it was his Lauriam, not a disgruntled version of him.
Not a lab rat that felt too good about being fed to run off again. Not a paranoid descendant blinded by what he swore to protect. To protect others from. Skuld's words still lingered on his mind. She didn't remember Ephemer, but felt him when she spoke with Isa and Lea — because it had to be them.
Ventus let Lauriam take him whenever he wanted, he just wanted his friend to explain himself. And if he couldn't, then he wanted nothing but the silence between them, even if it was a bit uncomfy. He let Lauriam take care of him again even if did hurt, it stirred the thing inside him that was eating him out. But it didn't burst, didn't came out, didn't lash out either. He let Lauriam question him, hug him, remember on his own time. And then he left again.
Ventus took the fastest shower of his life. Lauriam was waiting for him in the living room. With Lost Memory by his side, a chair that was not part of the table combo at all and new clothes. He was wearing a grey long sleeved blouse with black embroidered symbols Ventus didn't really recognize, black pants and a pair of boots Isa, Lea, Xion and Roxas equally had. The Organization uniform, if he had to guess.
"Why did you got your Keyblade to search for me?"
He did?
He didn't.
Oh, Vanitas, when he catched him...
"After everything I told you, that's what you ask?" Ventus countered.
"You want a more serious topic?" Marluxia raised his eyebrows. His face went serious again. "You oozing off Darkness, Ventus."
Ven breathed in. "That tracks, yeah. Sorry." Then he got curious. "Which one is which?"
"Hm?"
"The scent."
Marluxia smiled a bit. "You? Caramel." His smile died. "Darkness has a very strong scent around you, though. Territorial."
Ven found his hands fidgeting with the clothes Lauriam had got him. Black pants and a button up light blue shirt. Kept poking the buttons, trying to find words as to why Darkness was technically around him all the time. He shrugged it off.
"You don't know?" Marluxia offered. "Or you know and you think I'm not going to like that either way?"
Ventus smiled at him. "Both!"
Marluxia chuckled. "I can take emotional damage, you know. You can tell me on your own time, however."
Ventus nodded. Stared at Lauriam's eyes. Searched. They didn't have that glow of insanity hidden in a false sense of calmness he grew used to anymore. There was curiosity, concern, love laced with pain. Ventus could get used to this too, he thought.
"How... How old are you, now?" He decided to ask.
Riku said the Organization was made purely of Nobodies, the ones with their will strong enough to keep their bodies and while they did age, they didn't had a heart to remember how it felt. Ventus had slept for twelve years, so he was supposedly twenty eight. He felt way too short for that, but his case was special anyway. He hadn't become a Nobody, his Heart had been safe.
Marluxia snickered at the question, clicking his tongue.
"Twenty seven." Marluxia said. "Comatose. I woke up a year after I left you, if my guesses are correct. Lost a few years to slumber the same as you lost twelve."
"Geez," Ventus frowned. "Now I'm technically older than you."
Marluxia laughed softly at that. "You're not. I'm still six years ahead of you, you'd be wise to keep that in mind." He eyed the kitchen. "Are you hungry?"
Ventus smiled. Then he sneezed again. "Yeah," He ignored Marluxia's little pout. "I can help cook now, by the way."
"Of course you can," Marluxia snorted and said in a mocking tone. "Aren't you older than me by a year? You should be able to cook."
Ven sniffed and grimaced. "Should?"
Marluxia raised an eyebrow at him as he got up. "You really thought we'd let you slide community kitchen just because you were still not twelve, hm?"
He opened his mouth, closed it. Looked up at Marluxia, perplexed. "So the year I became a World Weapon, you guys were planning to... Teach me how to cook?"
"A very nice birthday gift just for you," Marluxia agreed with a nod, moving around his kitchen, setting up plates and cutlery. "But alas, you have learned it already, no need for me to worry. What a prodigy."
"And who'd teach me? Brain?"
Marluxia paused. Stared ahead, furrowed brows as he collected some leftovers from Larxene's late night kitchen adventures. His lips twitched up a bit more. "Ephemer."
Ven grimaced as he sat up the kitchen isle. "No, thank you!"
"Did your master teach you?"
"Master Eraqus was a great baker, okay? But Terra cooked better." Ven waved a hand. "He deals better with salt and spices. They tried, anyway."
Marluxia huffed a chuckle as he ignited some sort of highly controlled and very dangerous Fira around his fingers instead of putting the food away from the cooking pots. "I'd love to see you trying something. Not now, but someday."
They ate in comfortable silence, which was a bit odd for Ventus. Not odd because of silence, he was used to that, but because finally tasted Lauriam's food after... He stopped mid chew. Stared at his plate.
Lauriam had been a constant for most of his life, more than Land of Departure. He had been around ever since Ven was a literal child. A Union leader, a parent figure — though Ventus would not voice that to him ever. He had been with his friends for two years, but he had been with Lauriam for four and a half years. He kept eating, ignoring the heartache that came with it.
He really did lost everything, huh? His first family, his second one, then his friends, then his life. Then the person that gave him a third chance.
You got to survive. You got to leave, and now you're alive, so live well.
The food tasted better than he remembered.
"Look up,"
Ven startled, looked at Marluxia.
He was frowning at Ventus.
Reluctantly, Ventus moved his head a bit and looked up. There was nothing wrong with the ceiling. It was actually quite nice, some drawings here and there that Ventus could not understand how it had been made. The sun, a moon in the shape of a drawn heart, a Castle that looked suspiciously like Eraqus' home in Land of Departure. Some birds, some flowers, some towers that resembled the Masters Bell Towers of Daybreak Town.
He wondered how long Marluxia had been living there, if it was him that did all the painting.
A hand touched his forehead. "You have a fever. Mild, but it's there."
He was so close. Ventus kept his eyes at the ceiling.
"Hey," He whispered. "How did we leave Daybreak Town?"
Marluxia held his chin, made him lower his head. Didn't answer, just took his plate and went to the kitchen. Ventus furrowed his brows a bit. Kept staring at the ceiling, watching as the shadows grew darker in some places, the street lamps flickering a bit. It was still raining, but the thunders and lightning had stopped for a while. Ventus' eyes catched red ones in the ceiling. Unversed? Here? He blinked. It was gone. Ventus hummed, thoughtful. Darkness was around him, then.
He should be able to control it better, but he couldn't. Not now. Not when Lauriam was kneeling in front of him again, hands on his neck, whispering something Ventus didn't understood, deep blue eyes amused but worried all the same. Lauriam moved his hair a bit off his face, bit his lip, frowned. Sighed.
"Your eyes change colours now?"
Ventus blinked. He felt his ears getting warm. "Sorry."
"Don't be," Marluxia snickered. "It's not something you control, is it?"
Ven shook his head no, sheepishly. Marluxia nodded again, gently taking Ventus' hands and guiding towards a corridor left of the living room, where three doors stood. He knew the one on the left was the bathroom, so the two on the right could only be bedrooms. Or a room and a office. He didn't knew.
He opened the first door, and immediately Ventus wanted to run away and hide. It was his room, in the Masters Towers. Where Lauriam used to sing him to sleep, when they became the leaders of the failed Dandelions. Red sheets and ceiling see through curtains with golden embroidery, a bed big enough to comfortably fit three people, satin white pillows.
Marluxia made Ventus lay there, and he had some diabolical levels of dejà vu. As if they had never left Daybreak Town at all, as if Darkness was still inside his Heart, dormant and quiet. As if their home had not been torn apart and broken like his own Heart had been, as if none of them ever got separated.
As if the two of them never got to spend two years roaming aimlessly around the Worlds because theirs had just been destroyed by a Gods be damned war.
He sat beside Ventus and the blond half expected Marluxia to start singing. He probably wouldn't.
"I'm not risking a Cure on you yet," He clarified. "I'll get some medicine first. I don't think Cure heals colds anyways. Get some rest."
Ventus eyes widened a bit. "You're leaving?"
He truly wished he didn't sound as desperate as he was to his own ears. Marluxia closed his eyes for a single second, then he opened them and there it was. The gentle insanity, the false sense of calm, that odd but intoxicating overprotectiveness.
"You want me to try and cast anyway?"
Ven nodded a bit. He couldn't take his eyes off Marluxia's ones. Ocean at night, indeed.
He definitely could drown there. And Marluxia didn't do anything to save him either, didn't gave him a helping hand, a lifeboat, wood or taught him to swim. There was a strange gentleness in the way he pulled Ventus deeper under sea, like a current.
Ventus took one shaky breath. He felt Cure being casted, white rose and vanilla scented.
"Rest, Ven," Marluxia whispered at him, eyes sharp.
He needed to, but didn't want to. If his mind was playing tricks at him, he didn't want it to end. He didn't want to wake up, still at the Labs, with Ienzo's quiet pity eyes and Even's uneasy quips about him being a potential threat to society.
Marluxia moved closer, got one arm around Ventus.
"See? I'm real," He said as if he could read Ventus' mind.
"I had very lucid hallucinations," He countered. "Could taste them, feel them."
Marluxia's fingers found his hair. "You shouldn't have these."
Ventus sighed, tired. His eyes were closing. "I do, I just don't tell my friends. Happens all the time."
"Thank you for still trusting me enough to tell me,"
Ventus' eyes were half open when he looked up at Lauriam and smiled faintly. "I always did."
He smiled at Ventus, lowered until he laid beside him. "Good to know. I thought I lost you."
Ventus huffed, soft and sleepy and a bit wet. His throat was weird and itchy. "I mean, you did," He hummed and the sound came out croaked. "For fourteen years, I guess. But I'm back now, and I don't wanna leave."
He sneezed. "Sorry."
Marluxia giggled. "It's fine. Stop apologizing so much." He forced — gently — Ventus' eyes closed with his fingers. "Now rest. Seriously. You need it."
"Need to call Aqua," Ventus reminded himself.
"When you wake up." Marluxia added. Ven nodded.
He drifted to slumber.
It was supposed to be a quiet one. It wasn't quiet at all. He could hear glass shattering all around him, the agonizing sensation of falling backwards slowly and way too fast. He could see his reflection on the shattered glasses floating around him. Vanitas' side of his Heart was interesting. Red stained glass with figures he didn't understood before, but now they were crystal clear. Ephemer, Skuld, Brain, Lauriam.
This time around, there was no Sora. He just kept falling and floating at the same time. Neither slow nor fast, just there. Just half existing. Half gone. Hands, all over him, all around him. Eyes. A multitude of eyes. Red, purple, blue, green, yellow, orange.
Just one pair was colored with two, though.
What did yellow eyes meant if blue was safety?
Sora's eyes were blue. His own eyes were some very light shade of blue before, almost grey, though they had been changed by Sora's influence on his Heart and Roxas' creation. Terra's eyes were blue too, like dawn, and Aqua's were blue like the ocean.
Xehanort's eyes were yellow. He wasn't the first yellow eyed person he met. Ava's eyes were yellow too. Sometimes his mom had yellow eyes, though he could be wrong on that one, he didn't remembered her much. If he had a Heart, it would ache at the thought. His body was a Wasteland, he knew. Just cracks and pieces mashed together.
She did, the shadows spoke. Beautiful yellow eyes.
But Xehanort's were vapid, lifeless, cruel.
What did yellow meant, if not fear, hunger and thirst? His mom had yellow eyes. Master Ava had yellow eyes. And they weren't fearful, nor hungry or thirsty. They were calm, gentle. Cold, yes, but careful.
Golden eyes stared at him. Not yellow, no. Gold.
Bright like the sun, gold like jewelry, like something precious and his. They were careful and calm, like his mother's, cold like master Ava's. But they were brighter than theirs had ever been. And they had something the others didn't. His own eyes had a deeper blue rim outside the pupils, his mother's were grey, master Ava's were green. This one was red. Red like fire. Red like bloodstream, like lava.
The exact opposite of blue. Blue was safety, it was warmth, some gentle and soothing rain.
Yellow meant harm, toxins. Addiction, restlessness. Hurt. Yellow meant emotional hurt. Loneliness. But gold? Gold was purity. And it embraced him as he was. So it was his in turn. The eyes closed. The hands moved away. Ventus was left alone, falling.
He woke up slowly, brain barely functional as he stared up at Lauriam. Blue eyes found his with worry.
"Did you know you talk when you sleep?" Marluxia whispered. "Nothing coherent, though."
"I do?"
"Don't worry about it." He kissed Ven's forehead. "Wanna call your friend Aqua?"
Ventus paused. Breathed in. His throat still felt weird.
He nodded. It wasn't fair to Aqua to leave her out of things like this. He needed to explain himself in a way that wouldn't get her spiralling thinking this was her fault, because it wasn't. He wanted her there with him, wanted her to understand that part of him.
He really hoped she'd understand this, because he could not tell anyone about Darkness. Not Skuld, not Aqua or Terra — though Terra knew a bit better than the others. Definitely not Lauriam.
Darkness was his very open secret, and he'd keep it that way.
Notes:
Here some eye color handlings for this fic because Ventus had like three changes by now:
Hazel eyes — The Wise, Katya (liz daughter)
Brown eyes — Xemnas inside Terra's dream, Eraqus, Liz (aqua's friend)
Dark blue eyes — Terra, Lauriam, Roxas
Sky blue eyes — Sora, Naminé, Aqua
Light blue eyes — Kairi, Xion, Ventus, Yoric (aqua's friend)
Green/teal eyes — Riku, Lea, Larxene, Even, Van/Ven (sometimes)
Orange eyes — Ansem, Isa
Yellow eyes — Ava, Luxu, Ven's mom, Xehanort, Vanitas (sometimes)
Golden eyes — Vanitas, Darkness
Silver/grey eyes — Ephemer, Skuld, Ienzo, Ventus (before he got into Xehanort's hands)
Chapter 11: Done Fighting Off Change
Notes:
We get some talking on this one. AND RIKU. RIKU'S HERE!!
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Aqua had gained a whole lot of trust in Isa after Ven's incident. She half understood Terra now. Not entirely, not yet. He looked a whole lot different in white than his everyday blacks, as did Lea in greys.
Twilight Town was as pretty as ever, sunset skies shining gold and light pink all around.
It was a miracle they managed to get Riku there, the kid was always roaming around, barely with enough time of his own. Mickey and Yensid might have something to do with him being there to begin with, but Aqua didn't care. He was a kid, he needed to stop overworking himself and let Mickey take care of some things too.
And Naminé made the Manor look a whole lot more inviting than Ansem ever did, each room a different colour. Roxas and Xion had been helping with the furniture and handiwork. It got them closer.
Terra even managed to take Chirithy out of Land of Departure, a novelty. And he had managed some normal to Twilight Town clothes too. Black jacket, jeans, grey blouse. Chirithy wasn't wearing their usual little cape but a black see through one embroided with the crest some of Eraqus' hidden clothes had, and for a single second, Aqua had to double check the residents of her home.
Yes, Terra looked like a normal person and Chirithy was wearing Eraqus' hidden stuff. With the same crest that had been in the paintings around his bedroom, the ones she only saw twice her entire life.
Terra was using an golden ear cuff with the same crest, the sun and the moon conjoined, being pierced by a greatsword. It was hard to see it on his right ear because of his hair, but the golden chain that came from it was easy enough to identify.
It had a small onyx attached to it, like Aqua's sixteenth birth month necklace, the one Visha almost cried begging her to wear. Old master Odin told her the gemstones were used as a ward of protection and strength, that Eraqus believed it to be a talisman to ward off darkness itself, the Old master himself used a black tourmaline bracelet when he was teaching at Spell Casting classes.
She wanted to touch it, the gem, but instead of giving to impulsive thoughts, she hugged Riku and gave him some of their baked goods.
"Where's Ven?" Lea asked and grimaced at Hayner's dirty hands. "No, no, no. You, sir, go wash."
"Radiant Gardens," Aqua and Terra said at the same time.
Hayner groaned but obliged. Olette snorted and Pence shook his head. "How did he even got his hands like that is beyond me."
Riku lowered his eyes to his dirty white shirt, smeared gloves and jeans. Machine oil. "No idea."
"Not you too!" Lea whined. "Go wash, Riku!"
Riku shrugged as Hayner got out of the bathroom shaking his head in theatrical defeat. He got in.
"Being a responsible adult is tiring," Isa said. Turned to Naminé. "Make sure Xion and Roxas don't fall on old habits, please."
Roxas rolled his eyes. "We're fine, that only happened once, you know."
Isa crossed his arms. "It happened anyway."
Lea raised an eyebrow at Roxas and snickered. "Wall paint isn't drinkable, Methinks."
Xion chuckled. "How do you manage to live with Axel, then, Saïx?"
Orange eyes glistened. Lea frowned. "Xion. Who's side are you on?"
Isa gave her a small smile. "That's the secret. I don't."
"Oi," Lea snarled and slapped Isa's head. "I'm right here."
They all sit and ate with small bickerings here and there. Olette and Xion wore summer dresses, though Olette had her signature shorts beneath it and did not understood skirts etiquette. That was the first time Aqua got to see Xion in anything but black, the dress a light blue with embroided flowers here and there. Aqua had a light suspicion that Naminé had made the dress for her but didn't comment on it.
They looked different — they looked far away from their usual personas but not as much. If anything, Olette looked a bit more like Kairi than Xion did.
Now that Aqua had seen Skuld — the girl with long black hair that was Ansem's new apprentice — she could almost see some strange similarities between her and Xion. How much lighter than Sora's her eyes were, just like Roxas' were a few drops darker. Her eyes were identical to Kairi's, but the shape was Skuld's, as were her nose. It was almost as if Skuld had been a part of Xion's creation at some point.
"We really need to set up these things in advance," Lea shook his head. "I mean, you can take some time off work."
Riku exchanged a glance at Roxas before he smiled politely at Lea. "It's the Isles more than it is the other worlds."
"Oh?" Hayner perked up. "Beach World is acting up again? That why you needed a hand at your ship?"
Riku sighed. "We're not getting much from Kairi's Heart, that is. The Door is there still, but it doesn't feel cold like before, ever since Kairi had that memory push at the Final World."
Aqua breathed in. She had been reading the old books. Had been studying with Yensid, all that she had missed in the Realm of Darkness. There were some answers as to why that was happening. None of them worth bringing up, it would only shatter the kids further and they had already done it to Ventus by brute forcing him to remember his life — Aqua felt horrible at that, so much so guilt made her aloof.
"I'm sure you'll figure this out, Riku," She reassured. "You found me, I doubt you won't find Sora."
"It's usually him that finds me," Riku mumbled.
"Because you're horrible at hiding," Roxas waved a hand at him with a annoyed grimace. "All broody and that... Makes it hard not to find you."
Isa snorted. Naminé lowered her head to giggle and Lea patted Riku's shoulder. Olette and Pence nodded thoughtfully at Roxas' words and Hayner raised an eyebrow at them. Terra took Riku's hand under the table and Riku's polite smile turned into a genuine one as he huffed lightly and used his left hand to eat the dessert. Aqua helped Isa set off the table. Riku tried to help, but got scolded into relaxing on his seat beside Xion and Roxas.
They had been a bit awkward in the first two months, the three of them. Roxas had been all bites and snarls, especially after he learned Riku had taken Naminé with him to Destiny Islands. They got a bit better at at least feigning civility around each other for their friends sake. Xion and Riku had... An interesting past, for what was worth. He quite literally made her wish to disappear, guiltripped her into suicide so Sora could live. The lengths Riku went for Sora at that time was a bit surreal.
And now he was doing it again.
Terra really had an effect on people, Aqua mused, perplexed. He passed down the Keyblade to Riku and the kid ended almost like him in every regard. She chuckled at her own thoughts as she helped Isa clean the kitchen. She questioned herself, then. What if she raised a Keyblade wielder only for them to be casted away into another Realm entirely — The Final World, The Realm of Darkness.
Destiny was so fun. She scowled, drying her hand on a paper towel.
"You okay, Aqua?" Naminé asked, gently taking Aqua's hand onto hers. "You look a bit angry."
Aqua snorted softly and smiled. "I'm not. Just overthinking again."
Naminé shook her head lightly and giggled. "We're both going to get scolded for it, then."
"Don't worry so much, Naminé," Aqua frowned.
"You know, Roxas is sleeping on my room now that we're getting his painted," Naminé murmured. "He keeps sleeptalking."
Now that had Aqua's full attention. Naminé pulled her towards a distant enough corridor so the others wouldn't listen to them talking.
"He keeps speaking of a challenge," She said, then, tugging at her bracelets. "And his voice... It's like he's cold, very cold, but he's been getting these fevers ever since... Ever since Sora was gone."
Five months. Aqua's eyes were sharp as she heard Naminé's explanations. How her voice shook a bit with worry. She had to wonder, then, how no one had noticed it. How Roxas hid it so well. Maybe he got it from both his counterparts.
Sora was insanely good at hiding his pain, so much so Riku had to scream him into staying at home after the Mastery Exam so he'd stop running from his own feelings. Ventus always ran off with warm smiles and came back with haunted ones instead, though he was still smiling when he should be crying instead.
Roxas would shut himself down to dissociation.
And where did it got them?
"Did he speak to you about it?" Aqua asked, eyes on Naminé's short, colourful nails.
"I don't think he knows he's doing it at all," Naminé sighed. "He's stubborn. Very. And I don't think he'll let anyone help with it."
"Slow steps," Aqua said, then. "Is that why you're trying all these new things? So you can get him to sleep properly?"
"Annoy him to sleep wasn't working," Naminé shrugged. "And the Manor needed the change. I think he's worried we'll disappear too."
Aqua paused. Stared. Glared at the walls behind Naminé. At the floor. Breathed in, out. Her eyes found sky blue ones. "I think we have more in common than I'd like to agree."
Naminé huffed a soft giggle. "What happened to you, Terra and Ven wasn't your fault."
"And what happened to Roxas and Xion wasn't yours," Aqua countered. Naminé flinched a bit. "You and Sora... Have a lot in common."
Naminé blinked. A tear fell. She sniffed and cleaned it astonishingly quick. "Eh," She shrugged. "I guess."
"You're doing enough, Nami," Aqua hugged her lightly. "Don't ever doubt yourself."
Naminé's shoulders shook, and for a moment, they stood like that. Aqua let the girl take her moment, cry whatever tears she had been hiding these past days. It was after a few minutes that they heard a commotion coming from the main living room of the Manor that they finally moved. Naminé casted a Cure over herself just to take the rosy cheeks and the red off her eyes. They walked together, hands tangled.
"Yeah, sure," Terra said over... Over her phone. "Ven, calm down. No, I'm not mad. Aqua isn't mad either, breathe. No." He frowned. "No? I mean, kind of, yes, but no. Stop overthinking. Yes, I'm sure."
"What happened?" Aqua asked to Riku as he glanced at Naminé with a frown.
"Ven called," Lea said a bit too loud. Roxas gave him a murderous glare and he received a slap from both Xion and Isa.
"Ventus," Terra breathed. "No. Again, stop overthinking."
Aqua raised an eyebrow. She walked over to Terra, hand motioning for him to give her the phone. He shook his head no. Mouthed 'Not now' which only made her hands repeat the motion faster.
"Definitely not," Terra hissed and glared at Aqua.
That was an answer for both of them.
"What's he's saying?" Aqua asked in a whisper.
"Third house, black tile ceiling," Terra gave her a very poignant stare. "Outskirts of Radiant Gardens. Okay, Aqua's coming, just relax a bit." He snorted, then. "Yeah, no, not happening, buddy. Medicine? Sure."
Aqua nodded, turned to the other Guardians, smiled and waved a half baked farewell. Terra held her wrist for a second, pulled something from his jacket. Oh. Oh, that was Eraqus'. It was a small glistening white pearl, what they called a Whisper, but Yensid called Stardust. Could take them whenever they wished if they attached it to a feeling or emotion. She didn't need to summon Rainfell, then.
It was a warning. Whoever was with Ventus was dangerous and could not see their Keyblades. She found herself walking outside. Aqua only broke the pearl after she bought painkillers, fever patches and something for his stomach and liver. If Ventus had anything worse than that, she could take him back to the Labs. She had let him there because he had asked, so if Ansem and Even had let someone take him, it was their fault for not knowing how to watch over a kid. Well, other kid, that was. Ienzo was still fairly young and Skuld looked young too.
She felt the pearl attaching itself to her love, worry. All for Ventus. It reacted, glistened. Broke. Her body felt odd, as if it was there but being thrown away in the wind. Like ashes and dust. She was, and wasn't.
Her eyes opened to silver blue ones.
***
Ventus had been coughing ever since he woke up and spoke with Terra. He hated colds. It was confusing, more than all the unnerving things that Vanitas had done to him ever since they met back in The Graveyard, because at least Ventus had been a bit more conscious that it was someone else's fault. This was his and his alone. He couldn't blame anyone else, just his immune system and the rain.
Lauriam had put some more blankets over him. His throat felt itchy, but not in the odd way it would when the thing he ate from the Unversed at the Clock Tower made it feel. This was just his body being stupid, that was different. Itchy all the same. He didn't usually got it bad like this, it wouldn't be bad if his body wasn't being drained over and over by the thing sitting under his skin, way too content to be there, making feel astronomical levels of discomfort whenever he wasn't getting drained.
Lauriam hadn't moved away either. Just like fourteen years ago, if Ven had a cold, he'd stay put. Wouldn't leave for anything, not food, not water. Not that Ventus was clingy back then, he was just scared to death by not being able to see anything that wasn't pressed up his face.
And he wasn't clingy now; everytime he had a cold before, he'd just act normal and stay in bed until he needed to get up and do stuff, which was just eating and bathroom time. Master Eraqus had a distant kind of worry about him he never understood exactly.
He still didn't.
Hands kept crawling up his neck from time to time, scratching his hair, loosening some knots, sometimes rearranging it too. Ventus felt as if he was ten again.
"When's your friend coming over?" Marluxia asked softly.
He could've swore he saw Vanitas' eyes in the corner of the room. He stared. Lauriam stared in the same direction, then his eyes slowly came back to Ventus' face and he sighed onto his ear. It tickled.
"Ventus," He whispered.
Ventus turned his eyes back to Lauriam. "I don't know."
"What is it you're seeing?"
"Eyes."
"Does it happen that often?"
Ventus stared at Lauriam's eyes, then his nose, then his bangs. "Often enough."
Marluxia hummed, pulled his head slowly toward his neck. "You should close your eyes, then."
There was an alarm going on inside Ven's head that he was purposefully ignoring. Lauriam was being so gentle with him, so nice. It was comforting, it was needed, it was something he had missed and was equally afraid of. He wasn't like this with Aqua or Terra. He hadn't been like this with his father either.
Though Lauriam still had father's eyes.
He'd hate te comparison, Ventus was very sure. He'd hate the new one too. Because there was only one other person he felt he could cling onto and that was not someone he wished to compare anyone to. Sora. And even then, it was different. He had seen Sora in a way only Roxas would understand. Xion didn't remember much of it — or ignored it entirely.
He felt Lauriam move a bit, hands on his neck again.
"Cure helped a bit." He said, then. "If you want to sleep again, it's fine."
Ventus sniffed. His nose was stuffed. "M' fine."
Marluxia snorted, moved Ventus' hair out his forehead for a bit. Kissed the top of his head. Ventus sighed, closed his eyes. White roses. He was finally, finally sweating the fever off when he felt the room hunch over itself. The shadows grew darker.
He half expected Vanitas to jump him.
It was Aqua instead.
He stared at her through half lidded, hazy eyes. "Hi, Aqua."
Aqua blinked a few times, looked around, turned her eyes to Lauriam. They were soft blue eyes until they met Lauriam's. Then they were as sharp as a sword.
"Brought medicine," She said, then. Ventus smiled.
"Thanks," He breathed out. "This is Lauriam."
Marluxia snickered, as if he found the use of his name funny for some reason.
"He used to—" Ventus coughed, grimaced, swallowed. "—Take care of me before Xehanort."
Aqua's eyes changed again, from a glare to genuine surprise. She lowered her head, stared at Lauriam again, less judgemental and more analytical. It was almost the way she had stared at him when they first met. Maybe she thought he was too young for the role Ventus had assigned him, and, well. He was. They all were real young when shit hit the fan.
"You have another one of those?" Marluxia asked, then, not bothering to get up. "I don't think the rain is going to cut off anytime soon. He's got a fever."
Ventus' brows furrowed a bit but he didn't say anything. Aqua sit beside him, her gentle hand moving to his forehead just like Lauriam just did.
"Can you walk?" She asked, then, softer.
"M' tired, but fine. I can walk." He got up slowly, a bit reluctant to get away from the safety of Lauriam's scent. "Help me out a bit, please."
Aqua huffed a soft giggle, but she complied. Held his hands and gently got him up. He blinked a few times. The floor was so cold, and he really didn't want to get his wet socks again. Aqua gave him some look he didn't really understood.
"Okay, sit down, mister." She said and he obliged immediately. "Keep your phone charged. Why'd you think I'd get mad at you for?"
He stared up a the ceiling. His lips parted into a sheepishly smile. "I ran in the rain."
"On purpose?"
A sniff. "Yeah."
Silence. Aqua breathed in. "Okay."
They got him to drink something and swallow a pill.
Ventus stared at her. "Okay... You're not mad?"
"No," Aqua chuckled. "I did worse when I was your age."
Ventus shook his head slightly. "Is Terra mad?"
"Didn't he told you over my phone that he wasn't?"
"He did," Ventus agreed.
"Then he isn't." Aqua got his hand again. "Calm down. Get some rest."
He nodded a bit. Maybe if he faked it well enough they'd think he was sleeping and would start questioning each other. He'd get to listen and understand some things he wanted to ask but was afraid of being shut down immediately. So he waited. It was quiet, for a while. Aqua's fingers kept stroking his hand, as gentle as ever. Lauriam's hand kept untangling the knots of his hair. With his eyes closed, it almost felt as if he was back at home.
But there was something missing.
"So," Lauriam begun.
Yes! It has begun!
"You're his caretaker?" He asked, very slow.
Well, duh. Aqua's gentle gesture paused for a second. Returned. "I'm his guardian, yes."
It was quiet again, for a few seconds. Aqua sighed.
"Why did you left him with Xehanort, of all people?"
More silence. Lauriam's hand dugged deep inside his hair, pulled a bit. "I didn't."
"Do you think he'll tell me what happened?" Aqua asked in a whisper.
Lauriam hummed. "I can tell you. Our World was destroyed."
Aqua's hand paused again. "What World did you came from? I've been in the Realm of Darkness for some time, maybe—"
Lauriam sighed. "It... I've been there, too. It's not. Not entirely, that is. There's some houses but not everything." Then he pulled at his hair again. "Ventus was young, really young. Our master at the time got to save some of us in a DataWorld."
Oh? Huh?! Save some of them?!
"As you can see, it didn't work out great." He chuckled, humorless. "And Ventus wasn't supposed to be one of the leaders, he was nine."
"Nine," Aqua echoed.
"We spent a year there, in the DataWorld."
It was quiet, the silence oppressive.
He felt Aqua's hand move away from his, into his forehead. "Do you know how... How darkness found his heart?"
"No idea," Lauriam moved a bit. Pulled hard at his hair. "And it's still there, apparently."
"It is," Aqua breathed out. "Sorry, go on."
Lauriam giggled. "When we got away from the DataWorld, half of our home was destroyed... Brain, a friend, he... Wanted to do some research. He saved Ven from permanently fusing with the darkness of his heart. We saw what he could become." Lauriam pulled again, and Ventus was almost sure it wasn't really on purpose and more to ground himself. "I almost killed him, but hopeless apologetic Ven forgave me and kept blaming himself over it."
"How did you manage to become his guardian, then?" Aqua said and Ventus could almost picture the frown. "He said this Brain friend of yours was his mentor at the time."
"Research," Lauriam shrugged. "He didn't wanted me or Ventus around for it. Told me to get Ven to safety, and... Well. I tried."
"You... Tried?" Yeah, she was definitely frowning. "What happened?"
Lauriam took one great deep breath. "It takes a lot of time to understand everything you fought over is gone, you know." A possessive hand crept down his hair and fingers dug into the back of his neck with enough force to bruise. "I lost my sister, Ven and Ephemer lost their parents. We all lost our friends. Process this kind of stuff while on the run is not... The best way to process at all."
Aqua was quiet. Very, very quiet. It was the understanding kind of quiet, and Ventus asked himself for the first time on his short yet very long life, how did Aqua found herself on Land of Departure with Terra and Eraqus. If something like this ever happened to her. If this was why neither her or Terra spoke of their families outside Eraqus.
"You never found them," She guessed.
"No," Lauriam snickered again. "But I had Ventus, that was all that mattered to me. I just didn't wanted him to feel like a burden, like what happened to me was his fault. I wasn't really myself back then."
"I can see why," Aqua offered. "It's a heavy burden, being alone with a child in the middle of nowhere. He never mentioned anything bad before Xehanort— not that he remembered that much, but if the way he's clinging to you says anything..."
Lauriam moved a bit, giggled. "I hope you're right about this. I really don't deserve him."
I don't deserved either of you, so what now, Ventus kept feigning being asleep even though the words itched to come out. He snored lightly.
"Don't say that," Aqua grumbled.
"I used him," Lauriam said, quietly. "A lot. He doesn't even remember that, or maybe he didn't understood at the time."
"You were in pain," Aqua cut. "With no healthy ways to cope with grief. I'm sure Ven doesn't blame you for whatever you did, even if you did something to him. Survival comes first, and you not only survived, you cared for a child while at it."
It was very quiet, then. Lauriam chuckled after a minute. "You're very considerate. I can see why he likes you."
Aqua made a sound that was halfway a swallow and a giggle. "I was a bit rough with him before. I wanted things to go back the way they were before, but there's no way we can go back to that." She stroke his cheek with the back of her hand. "I want him to trust us again, me, Terra, even you. He needs a safenet to fall, with the way things are going."
Yeah. That was right. Ventus hadn't forgotten, if anything he was forcefully trying to cope. Everybody was. Everyone had a different side effect with Sora's disappearance. It wasn't a nice thing to witness. He didn't think nothing of it for himself before his breakdown at The Graveyard. He had never felt so lonely his whole life. Before, he had his parents.
Then he had the Dandelions, then Lauriam, then Eraqus, Terra, Aqua. Then Sora, but he didn't knew Sora, not really. He knew his thoughts, his Heart.
And it was just Sora for a whole while.
He didn't got to know the person that gave him his life back, he didn't got to live with him in a way that mattered, he didn't got to talk with him outside a Gods be damned war. They didn't had time. He felt impossibly hollow then, terrified of losing more than he already had. The War took everything from him.
It was as if Kingdom Hearts itself had slapped him in the face twice. First I'll take your real family, then when you think you're better, I'll take what's left.
"He needs time," Lauriam whispered. "Time awake, that is. He told me what happened when I left."
"Why did you left?"
"I didn't want him to see what was going on," Lauriam snickered again but it was a sad sound. "What I was like when he was sleeping. I didn't want to leave. I wasn't even that far from him. I couldn't leave him, you know. Just. Something. Something knocked me out. When I woke up, Ven was nowhere I knew. I knew I had to search for someone, I just couldn't remember whom it was."
Aqua let out a wet snif. "That's horrible."
"It's probably what happened to him as well."
The movement on the bed stopped. All the caressed were gone, too.
"He did remember some of it," Aqua offered. "Before he screamed at us, that is. When we met him, he was... Broken. And everytime we tried to understand him, he'd mutter some names and then scream. He did remember you."
It was quiet again.
Something moved underneath him, in the sheets, dragging claws through his back. Ventus flinched.
Lauriam moved so fast on the bed, Ventus almost opened his eyes to see what was going on. He didn't, thankfully, or he'd miss the most important part of a conversation he wasn't supposed to be listening. Something pulled at the sheets, Aqua made a surprised, alarmed and pained sound.
"You're not lying, are you?" Lauriam hissed, and oh.
Well, now Ventus understood that gleam of insanity he had always seen after they got out of Daybreak Town. Now he understood why sometimes he'd wake up feeling like his middle had been tied up in the trees. He knew Lauriam would hug him so tight he had difficulty breathing sometimes, but this explained some other things. Like the scratches.
"I could ask you the same thing." Aqua snarled. "Let go of my wrist."
"Let go of Ven."
Huh. Was that an actual growl he just heard?
Ventus was very tempted to open his eyes. The room grew a bit colder. Aqua had casted something.
"Did you lie?"
"No," Lauriam snarled back at her. "You think you're protecting him by feeding into delusion, but that's what made resentment grow inside him in the first place. Do you want your Ventus back or do you want to trully understand the child you're trying to protect?"
Oh, shit. Yeah, father's eyes and father's mind. Ventus opened his eyes, slowly, scowling.
"You projected a life you lost onto him when he was at his most vulnerable," Aqua bit back. "So we're on the same boat, Lauriam."
"You don't get to call me that," Lauriam pulled her by the hair.
Aqua closed her free hand around his neck just as fast. Okay, this was getting very dangerous, very fast.
Ventus coughed. "Guys,"
Lauriam let got of Aqua so fast Ventus might have imagined he ever got to even tried to hurt in the first place. The only evidence for it being how close they were and the reddening of her wrist and his neck. He practically jumped on Ventus, got him to sit and held his face.
"Hey, Ven, the fever ran off," He was smiling, eyes laced with that fanatic kind of gentleness but Ventus latched onto it like his life deppended on it. He found that he didn't mind it at all.
Aqua moved up, walked to his side, smiled as she patted his head. "Are you feeling better?"
No. He wasn't. Actually, he felt as if everyone he ever loved only lied to him all the time. Ventus smiled at them. He was tired of playing this game. He had been playing this game for longer than they suspected, really. And he was so good at it they only noticed when his fail switch was taken away. Gods, he missed Sora's heart. He didn't had to deal with this, any of it, inside it. It was quiet and everything Ventus needed right now.
"I'm feeling better than in the Labs, actually." He choked out, still smiling.
It took a lot of willpower not to scream at either of them, but he managed. Hugged Lauriam tight, because he knew that at some point he'd comeback here and talk things through. But first, he needed to make his friends squirm a bit.
Notes:
Poor Ven 😞☝✨
Chapter 12: Blacklit Paradise
Summary:
Light gives. Darkness takes.
Notes:
See that the rating's changed? Yep. It's because of this chapter (and the next ones)
Heads up for some hinted dacryphilia :D
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The first immediate thing Ventus did as soon as they left Radiant Garden was to feed Darkness. He was angry, and he needed to vent, whatever the cost. Why did everyone he ever cared for hid stuff from him? He wasn't worthy enough to have this kind of conversations, was that it? Was it because he was the younger one, so they had to tread carefully with him? Excuses, horrible ones at that. If he could deal with losing half his Heart he could deal with anything they were hiding. And, oh boy, they were.
He wasn't even paying attention to where Aqua was leading him, he just let himself be taken. Her hand was cold around his wrist and he wanted to be left alone but he knew he wouldn't get it now. His eyes didn't focus on anything in particular, and Riku was the first to notice there was something wrong, he just didn't say anything because Ventus clearly didn't want to speak. He gave Riku an apologetic smile but that was it. The ring no one saw stung his skin again, made his finger bleed, and he genuinely didn't care to hide it this time around.
Isa frowned at him, but he just smiled. He wanted them to feel the discomfort they had caused him not telling him stuff. Wanted to see if they would still pretend there was nothing wrong with him, then.
Chirithy looked about to collapse as he ate a brownie and the blood trailed from his finger to his elbow. No one said a word about it.
He coughed here and there, because his throat was double itchy now. His fingers twitched around the cutlery and that was when Roxas — Roxas of all people — exploded.
"Are we seriously pretending Ven's not bleeding?"
Terra's eyes rolled and he hung his head, not in a ashamed way but in a 'I might be channeling a whole sentient darkness being right now' kind of way. It was kind of cute, really. Ventus wanted to get up and hug him, pat his shoulders and tell Terra he had done nothing wrong, that they were in the same camp filled with landmines. That he understood.
"We're not pretending," Xion hissed.
We're ignoring, went unsaid.
Aqua sighed. "Did Lauriam hurt you before I got there?"
Ventus just smiled at her and shook his head. He sniffed. Oh, great, his nose was stuffed again.
"Oh, that's..." Lea mumbled. "Marluxia again? Really?"
Ventus' left eye twitched. He didn't say a word.
"What happened, Ven?" Riku asked, quiet, thank the Gods, and not concerned the way the others were, but in a more serious way. Like he took him seriously.
Ventus swallowed blood, iron and water. He shrugged. Terra's whole body twitched. Chirithy made a strangled noise when they looked at Naminé. Everyone let out some sort of breath when they turned to her too.
Ventus turned his head very slowly at her.
Vanitas was giving him the prettiest most murderous glare he had ever seen. His eyes were entirely red and his pupils were so dilated they took half the space of his irises. Everyone tensed around the table. Naminé breathed in, Vanitas moved away from her shadow, into the room itself. Clicked his tongue, grabbed Ventus by the wrist.
He eyed Terra for a moment, face neutral, then glared at everyone else.
"Are you stupid?" He asked Ventus, then. Red eyes suited him just as good as golden ones.
Riku frowned.
"Beats me," Ventus said.
His first words ever since he left Lauriam's house.
"Oh, trust me, I want to." He pulled Ventus up, scowled at the ring. "You really can't have nice things. I give you a gift and you make it everyone else's problem."
He let go of Ventus wrist and the first thing Ventus did was go to Terra, hear whatever he was mumbling. He took Terra's jacket from him and it earned him a mumbled "Thanks" that was too deep and slurred to be Terra's alone.
Xion stared at Ventus' bloody hand flabbergasted. "Gi—"
"Who's this?" Pence finally got out of his stupor.
"Did— did he just got out of Nami's shadow?" Olette whimpered.
"Holy shit," Hayner breathed out. "He looks just like Sora."
"You did this?" Lea raised an eyebrow at Vanitas.
"So the ring's a gift," Isa muttered. "Not a curse."
"Ring? What ring?" Aqua frowned at Vanitas.
"You can't see?" Riku asked, genuinely surprised.
Ventus patted his shoulder with his clean hand and smiled at him. Riku gave him concerned but trusty eyes. It made him feel a little better. Roxas sighed.
Vanitas snorted. Turned to Isa. "Alright, I'm taking him out." He waved a hand at the people gathered at the table. "You continue whatever this is."
Aqua scowled, getting up slowly. "You're not taking him anywhere."
"Okay," Ventus chirped in as he put Terra's jacket. "What am I getting this time?"
"A death sentence."
"Thanks?"
Vanitas snarled at him. "You're making this so difficult."
Ventus shrugged. "That's my charm." His head tilted. "Easy to tease, difficult to deal."
There was a pregnant pause at the table. Vanitas soft giggles were the only things heard as he messed around with the ring. They left the larger living room. The stinging stopped. Ventus breathed out through his mouth, then in. He was still angry.
"I just healed you," Vanitas sneered. "What did I told you? Don't feed Them. What did you do?"
Ventus sighed. "Look, I'm not sorry about this."
Vanitas stared. Glared. His pupils dilated again.
"What's happening with your eyes, by the way?" Ventus asked quietly.
He only remembered two instances of why pupils would get like this and neither of them were good. It made Ventus question a little bit of what Lauriam said about using him. Now he was curious.
"You." Vanitas said, eyes narrowing and arms crossing. "You're happening."
"I thought I was gonna get a death sentence?" Ventus coughed. He was still curious. "So..."
Vanitas shook his head. "Oh, I see. You're a torment, you know that? I can't hurt you right now."
"Aw, was looking forward to it," Ventus snickered.
"I know you're angry at them," Vanitas' eyes lowered from his eys to somewhere else on his face. "But I have better things to do than babysit your feelings."
"You're a part of why I'm angry," Ventus narrowed his eyes at Vanitas. "You're evading my question."
"Free will," Vanitas shrugged. "I can choose not to answer. And I did answer you. This is a Venty problem, only happens because of you."
"So," Ventus smiled. He coughed again. "You hate me now."
"Always did."
Ventus frowned. "No, no, not that. Not this kind of hate."
"Breathe in and hold it," Vanitas instructed randomly. Ventus did. "Close your eyes." He did, again.
His nose begun dripping something that was definitely not snot or blood. It was really thick and came down like Vanitas had opened a faucet. Ventus grimaced, almost opening his eyes. Vanitas put a hand over them, and Ventus shook his head.
"Ah," Vanitas breathed against his face. "So that's what this is. You are insane."
Ventus lost track of time. He couldn't breathe. His brain felt like it was coming out through his nose with that thick suff. The more it fell from his nose, less drained he felt. Yes, he was still angry, but he could think through his anger now. It felt raw, still, just a bit more logical. His mind has been put back into place.
His mind went back to the Clock Tower. To the machinery, to... The feeling of being stung. On his spine. How he had leaned on it, too.
Then Vanitas cleaned his nose with his free hand. Let go of his eyes. Ventus opened them, not immediately recognizing that they weren't around Naminé's Manor anymore. It took him a few seconds, it was really dark. Then his eyes focused. Dark, purpleish clouds, trees and rocks that moved like thorns. Grey and blue sand. Black oily looking water.
He stared at Vanitas with half focused eyes. He was about to question why did he took Ventus to the Dark Beach when he realized that there wasn't a better place to dispose of darkness than the Realm it came from. Almost entirely black eyes stared back at him in discontent.
"Your eyes are still weird," Was the first thing that escaped his lips.
Vanitas snickered. "And whose fault is that?"
"You said you couldn't hurt me..." Ventus narrowed his eyes and sit on the sandy floor. "Why?"
"I healed you," Vanitas knelt. Ventus really felt as if the other one was holding back a punch. "Today. If I did hurt you, we all would have a problem."
"So you're helping me instead?" Ventus beamed.
"Ew. No."
Ventus kept his smile, staring at his counterpart. He looked like he was battling some really odd thoughts with the way he was glaring at Ventus with very dilated pupils, but he didn't care. He was angry and he needed time to process all he had heard. That Vanitas understood it immediately and gave him what he needed was equal parts sweet and condescending. Ventus wanted to scream.
Or maybe cry. Punch something. Instead, he kept smiling, more at himself now. This was stupid.
"Is the ocean here any different from the Realm of Light?" He found himself asking, then.
"It's water." Vanitas glared at him with his pretty red and black eyes. "It's not going to drown you if you know how to swim."
Ventus felt like there was a message behind this specific choice of words, but he kept his thoughts to himself. Took off his shoes, tucked a bit of the ends of his pants and walked towards the ocean. He expected the water to be freezing cold, but it was warm, inviting in a way it only was the Realm of Light when at night, and even then, only in some places.
It was better than the rain.
He took a handful of sea water on his hands. Stared at his own reflection. He looked psychotic, about to break, like he could murder a whole town and still smile about it. His pupils had shrunk so much they almost weren't there anymore. Ventus looked like he should be put down for sure this time, not the sad wet mud he had been twelve years ago. Maybe Even was right, he could be a potential threat to society if he kept going like that. He let go of the water, eyes focusing on the horizon instead.
It was pretty, in a strange way. The sky was equally haunting as it was beautiful. Scattered from both Light and Dark, soft lilac and heavy grey. There was something almost melancholic about it too, like it couldn't decide if it was about to rise the sun or rain. There was a moon. It took Ventus a while to notice the moon, too. It reminded him of the light of Kingdom Hearts — the real thing, from the first Keyblade War, not whatever Xehanort had attempted twice. It had half opened to Sora, too, which was kind of sweet. But it gave with a hand and took with the other, gave Sora it's key but took him with it. He couldn't begin to imagine what had happened in The Badlands when their Masters had opened Kingdom Hearts back then. The summon.
There was something tugging at his pants. Ventus stared down, frowning. His frown was replaced by something softer when he noticed what it was, the trembling red eyed creature hitting it's head at his leg. He looked back all the way Vanitas was. There was a flow of magic so obscure and heavy it made everything around him dim in turn. His eyes had closed, too, and he didn't look like he was in pain, though he was breathing a bit faster.
Ventus stared back at the Unversed at his leg.
"Hey, buddy," He said in a sickly soft tone and crouched down. "What kind of feeling you are?"
The Unversed tilted it's head. It looked like a hand sized lamb, but it had no fur and the horns were glowing in a soft light pink hue. None of the Unversed Ventus had ever seen had a different shine than the kind of sick purple, so this had to be some feeling that Vanitas wasn't used to feel.
It tilted it's head. Licked his hand. Ventus giggled. Turned his eyes back to Vanitas. Stared. He was still breathing weird, his fingers twitched a bit and he had leaned against a rock.
"Hey, what feeling is this one?" Ventus asked.
Vanitas mouthed something. Didn't open his eyes. Darkness moved around him, surged forward, spread all over the sand, like splattered blood. Another one almost identical Unversed crawled out of it. His fingers twitched again, he breathed in, the Unversed licked him, pushed at Vanitas hand, as if demanding some sort of attention from his creator. When it noticed it wouldn't have what it wanted, it turned to Ventus and ran to him, squeaking in trembling limbs.
It's horns shone in light blue, almost the exact colour of Ventus' eyes. Ventus opened his arms and welcomed the Unversed. He fell on the water giggling as both started licking his hands and face. It was only then he noticed the water didn't really made him wet, it crawled on his skin and then came back to where it belonged. On the ocean. It left no trace of itself either.
Ventus was now faced with three lamb-like Unversed. Light pink, light blue, lilac. And then pastel yellow and soft orange joined. They weren't ruthless as the ones in the Clock Tower, no. They were calm, quiet, softer to the touch, a bit warmer too. If he had to guess a feeling, it would be joy. But that didn't made sense, Vanitas was made of his negativity and darkness as in real, actual Darkness. The thing.
"Let's head back to your dad and see if he knows what you guys are," Ventus mumbled.
He giggled when they squeaked in return. They followed with a polite distance, which was really odd too, the Unversed didn't do that. They weren't polite.
"Hey," He whispered at Vanitas.
He was heaving, one hand on his hair, pulling hard, and the other over his chest as if he couldn't breathe properly with his pretty coat on the way. Vanitas had curled into himself as if he was genuinely in pain. His head mechanically moved up, stiff as a broken machine.
His eyes were filled with unreleased tears, and a bit unfocused too. He looked like he had just calmed down from a panick attack, sweat making his bangs cling to his forehead a bit and if Vanitas wasn't pulling so hard at it, his eyes would be hidden by them. Ventus blinked once, twice, slow, then a billion times, really fast, and bit his tongue. Gods.
Vanitas looked hauntingly beautiful, like fractured stained glass in a candle lit Cathedral. He frowned at his own thoughts, forced his face to neutrality.
"You okay?" Ventus decided to ask instead of voicing what had just landed on his brain.
"Do I look okay?" Vanitas hissed at him.
Ventus shook his head, suddenly tense. "Is it always like this when they come out of you?"
Because of course Xehanort would demand floods of them if it was. It looked painful. And pretty.
"No," Vanitas breathed out, voice stained. "Not always. Just the unwanted ones."
Unwanted. Ventus brows furrowed a bit at that. "Why?"
Vanitas pulled harder at his hair. "Just because. They like to torture me every now and then."
"Why you don't want them?" Ventus clarified.
Vanitas chuckled, forced, breath hitching. "You have a brain, use it."
Ventus deadpanned at him. Turned his head to the Unversed waiting behind him, squirming at the attention, horns shining brighter when Ventus gave them the smallest smile he could muster. They weren't useful for what Xehanort wanted them. They probably couldn't even possess people if they squirmed at a smile. But they came from Vanitas either way, they were a part of him that wasn't aggressive, that didn't want to hurt someone else.
A part of Vanitas that wasn't negative at all. Or at least they didn't look negative, but felt negative all the same to their creator.
"How many of them he got out of you before you could control the flooding?" Ventus asked, then, anger bubbling back at his throat.
Vanitas breathed in. Choked. Forced out one shaky breath. "Way too many."
Ventus was definitely losing it, he thought as he took Vanitas' hand away from his hair and smiled at him with whatever it was that he was feeling now. It wasn't anger, not anymore. It was the first time since the maze that Vanitas had been actually vulnerable with him without expectations of a reaction. It made him a bit giddy, but he would not voice that thought either, it was already bad enough that he was giggling like a maniac at his counterpart teary eyes, he didn't need Vanitas to scowl at him now.
"Are they also a Ventus problem?" he raised an eyebrow at Vanitas.
Vanitas swallowed and that gave Ventus a sudden urge to unbutton Vanitas' leather coat and bite him. Ventus blinked it away, forced his face to soften.
"Yeah," Vanitas closed his very weird eyes. The tears didn't fall, though. "They're a Venty problem."
Ventus sit beside Vanitas, though it wasn't really where he wanted to sit, but it was close enough. He huffed a chuckle, a bit strangled one at that.
"What other problems I was giving you by just existing?"
Vanitas moved his head to Ventus, still very mechanical. "You really can't stay quiet, can you?"
Ventus snickered. "Not when I'm angry."
"You're not angry, Ventus," Vanitas said, matter of factly. "You're annoying me."
"Oh, so your eyes get weird when you're annoyed?"
Vanitas went still. His eyes were closed shut. "Yeah."
"That's funny," Ventus muttered. "So, what else?"
"Urges."
"Like what?"
The ring stung. Ventus flinched. Breathed in through his nose. Focused on the sound of the Unversed going to the water, all squeaky still. When Vanitas opened his eyes, they were jade green. He was biting down so hard at his lower lip it was bleeding.
"Just... Urges." He managed out the choked words.
"Hm," Ventus' eyes trailed off to the first button of Vanitas' coat. "Okay. I get it, I guess."
"Great, now go do something actually productive with your anger and leave me alone."
Well, damn. Ventus giggled, hands fidgety. "This is productive for me. It's very soothing."
Vanitas didn't move, not immediately. He glared at Ventus, a shaky hand slowly closing around his neck.
"Die." It sounded like a plea.
Ventus shrugged. The hand tighten a bit. "Kill me, then."
They stood there like that for counted, eternal ten seconds. Then fifteen. Vanitas' lip was still bleeding. Twenty. Twenty five. Ventus caved, because of course he would be the first one to give in.
At least he got to sit where he originally wanted. It happened too slow and way too fast. First, he gave in to the urge to unbutton Vanitas' coat, just enough so he could get to his damned neck, and Vanitas' hand let go of his throat, trailed all the way to his hair. And then he was being moved, pulled a bit closer. He got to bite Vanitas too. It was oddly satisfying when the skin broke. He imagined this would hurt if it was with anyone else, but Vanitas didn't do anything at all, not a hiss, not a flinch.
What he did was relax his shoulders, give him his throat and let Ventus sink his teeth further in, fingers pulling lightly at his hair, and that was about it. He didn't move away, didn't told him to stop, didn't push Ventus off him.
Ventus did notice that Vanitas' ring finger was bleeding, quite a lot even, but he simply didn't care at all. And he only got to notice it was bleeding because that hand got to sneak inside his blouse to pull him closer, which... Was nice. Very much so. Ventus bit harder at his collarbone. For some forsaken reason, Vanitas tasted like something real sweet, like dessert. Darkness could be really weird when it wanted to. He felt fingertips turn into nails dragging at his side and they both let very unstable little breathed out sounds at that.
Okay, maybe Vanitas was feeling some sort of pain, Ventus relented as he let go. He didn't knew why he smiled when his hair was tugged harder, and he didn't want to know, not really. Some feelings were better left alone, he was very sure.
He was met with half lidded glowy golden eyes. Entirely golden, like a divine version of a Shadow, and if Ventus wasn't so focused on how pretty Vanitas was looking half gone like that, he'd noticed the hand letting go of his hair and coming to join it's twin at his sides. He only got to notice them when nails went back to dragging at his skin and... It felt nicer than it had any right to be. Probably why his eyes closed on their own too. He let out a strangled chuckle and it was Vanitas' turn to cave.
"Mine," Was growled at his neck.
It happened as fast as it did back at Aqua's friend's house, when he had been trapped somewhere inside of himself that felt too claustrophobic and ever consuming. But this time there was no dread, no fear, just hunger. Thirst. Need. Ever consuming need.
And it was answered in equal. For every need that bubbled up his throat, something gave out.
Ventus felt like he was floating, then, like some sort of heaven made out of nothing, where light could not reach his eyes. It felt like ascension, like relief, as if he was being gently held in paradise only to be hit by something at the back of his head and be forced out of it almost as fast as he came to it.
He groaned, opened his eyes, and for about five seconds, he stared in horror at his younger self.
***
His hair was longer, his eyebags were dark and heavy, his pupils shrunk and his eyes were wide open, as if he was terrified. He was shaking too. Ventus did not enjoy watching his younger self trembling at all, a sense of overprotection flooding his senses. He knew that place, too. The Graveyard.
"Shadow?" His younger self muttered, eyes unfocused, unblinking, head turned to Ventus.
Ventus smiled, overjoyed at finally being acknowledged. "I'm here," He said, softly, as he crouched down to his younger self's eye level.
His younger self moved, still shaking, squirmed, reached a hand. Ventus grabbed it, intertwined their fingers. "Shh," He shushed, moving closer.
"Don't leave me," His younger self whispered, desperate. "Everyone leaves me."
"I'm not leaving," Ventus reassured. "I'm not leaving you. Not now, not ever."
"Everyone does," His shaky younger self muttered. "Please, please, please, don't leave me."
Ventus hugged his younger self. Kissed the top of his head. It wasn't like Lauriam used to do, not was it like Aqua did. It was how he wished everyone took care of him, how he wished he could be hugged.
"I'm not leaving you, Ventus," He said, and it didn't felt weird, because he didn't felt like himself now.
Widened, frightened silver blue eyes met his, teary, beautiful. And little Ventus cried. He sobbed, clung to Ventus like a lifeline, pulled at his hair, squirmed on his lap. Ventus just giggled at how desperate his younger self was and hugged him back, gentle but firm. Kissed his tears away, which, fine, he could give himself that. He did look pretty when he cried.
"Promise," His younger self hissed and pushed him to the floor, only to immediately crawl back to him. "Promise you won't leave me. You're the only friend that comes back. Promise me you won't leave."
Ventus chuckled, cupped his younger self cheeks. "I don't even want to leave you, little one. I don't make promises, though."
His younger self whined, hugged him tighter. "Just don't go, then."
Ventus felt his breath becoming very unstable. He wanted to bite something. He kissed his younger self's forehead instead. Again, again. They crawled down to his cheeks and his younger self giggled.
Ah. The sound made him feverish. He really needed to put his teeth to use. "Ventus," He called.
His younger self hummed. He was, what? Eleven? Probably eleven. Silver blue eyes stared at him, teary and pretty, cheeks red and wet. Ventus giggled again, lunatic. He didn't remember being pretty like this when he was younger, what he did remember was that he got pushed around a lot for getting out of breath easily. Hm. His younger self tugged at his hair, pouting lightly.
"What?" His little one asked.
Ventus smiled. "Nothing, nothing. You're way too pretty to be crying like that."
Red cheeks got scarlet. "Thanks?" His younger self squeaked. "I'm scared. I cry when I get scared."
"Oh, but you don't need to be scared," Ventus hugged him, patted his head. "I'm here to protect you, Light. I chose you to protect, so you're mine to use."
Little Ventus frowned a bit, cleaned his cheeks. "Use?"
"Mmhm," Ventus smiled, bright, big, needy. "And you can use me in turn."
His little one tilted his head, tired eyes contemplating what he could use Ventus for. "Will you still be my friend if I do?"
"I'm your friend already," Ventus said in a hurried whisper. "And I gave you friends before."
His little one's eyes shone with recognition. "That's true."
"So?"
"Can you give them back?" His little one asked, hopeful.
Ventus snickered. He really needed to put his teeth to use. "I can find you new ones, yes."
"Then... Then what will you use me for?"
Ventus felt lightheaded. He hummed against his little one's hair. "This will sound very weird."
His little one giggled. Patted his arms. "I don't mind weird."
"I want to crawl inside you," Ventus blurted out.
It was a quiet for a heartbeat or two. "I mean," His little one mumbled. "Okay? I don't know how you would do it, though."
Ventus felt his whole body twitch with barely concealed joy. Unbridled, unconditional love washed over him like a wave. "Don't worry about it." He whispered. "If I'm inside you, I can always be with you, then I won't ever leave."
His little one hummed again. "That... That's nice. Okay, then."
It was quiet again. Little Ventus breathed in, a deep breath. Pulled away. Stared, eyes full of wonder and expectation. "Okay, you can come in, but before you do that!"
Ventus left eye twitched. "Go on,"
"I'm calling you shadow because that's how you look, but... Do you have a name?"
Ventus giggled, soft. Then he wholeheartedly laughed, hugging his little one. Of course he'd ask that, ever the curious little bastard he was. His little one laughed with him, hugging him back.
"I do! Just like you do, Ventus!"
"Can you tell me before you go?"
His eyes focused on the happy face in front of him. "Sure. It's—"
Ventus was pushed into sad. He breathed in, gasped, choked, breathed in again. Then out.
What in the hells?
Vanitas looked down at him through glowy golden eyes — irises and sclera. He was breathing just as fast as Ventus, if not more. His cheeks were a shade darker than they normally were. Ventus was sure he wasn't much better, breathing all weird and eyes coming and going with where they wanted to focus.
There was a lingering taste on his tongue that wasn't of the food he ate at Radiant Gardens or Twilight Town, wasn't medicine either. Sweet and salty and maybe a bit too close to normal human blood for his liking. He liked it anyways. Something hit his head. Ventus looked up to a flood of Unversed. All of them positively glowing just like Vanitas' eyes. There were hundreds of them, followed by some Heartless here and there, curious little beings staring at each other.
He didn't knew exactly what had just happened, but if he could have a humble guess, he'd say he got to see himself from Vanitas perspective. From way back when, too. What he felt, though, he wasn't very sure.
"Are you always like this?" Ventus whispered at him.
Vanitas blinked, slow. "Like what?"
Ventus wasn't voicing it either. He could still taste blood and sugar at his tongue. "Nevermind."
Vanitas snickered at him but didn't say anything else. What he did do was move his hands back to Ventus' clothes, close some buttons he didn't even noticed had been opened — some that weren't his blouse. He had half the mind to formulate a question but he gave up midway through it. It didn't matter how he tried to articulate it, anyhow. Then he cleaned Ventus' lips and his cheek. Ventus almost gave to the urge to bite his finger. His neck was still bleeding, and the smell of caramel and lemonade almost made Ventus move from where he was and back to Vanitas' neck — not to bite, just to stay.
"You look really pretty like that," He blurted out.
Vanitas' hands stopped. His head moved up and his glowy eyes stared at Ventus. He blinked again. "Okay?"
So Vanitas took compliments just as well as he took these Unversed. Ventus bit his lower lip. He wanted to start a whole monologue, Xehanort style, about everything pretty about Vanitas bleeding out like that, spilling Unversed everywhere and sharing some very unwanted memories with him. Maybe that would give him enough of a reaction to start this again.
"So what are they?" Ventus decided to focus on the Unversed again.
Vanitas scowled. "Doesn't matter. Did you got what you wanted?"
"Why did— why's your finger bleeding? I thought only mine did that." Ventus frowned. "Aren't you already part of Darkness?"
"I am," Vanitas said, slow, slurred. "It's not Darkness I'm feeding, Ventus."
"Oh," He breathed out. "So, uhm. What did you... Gave away?"
Vanitas stared at him for about three seconds, before he swallowed and moved his head up, nodded to the Unversed. "Guess."
That was way too many Unversed. They were all colourful and very different from what Ventus was used to see. Then he noticed. Aside from their strange light colours, their bodies weren't made of darkness, they were made of something akin to glass. They only looked the way they did to Ventus because they were reflecting the waters. Hundreds of them, just like that. The Heartless around them shook, touched, all just as puzzled as Ventus.
And they needed constant attention too, or else they'd squeak a pathetic little whine and curl onto themselves as if they were crying. But Unversed didn't cry, nor did Vanitas. Once attention was given, these Unversed trotted around, all... Happy?
"Can I take one for me?"
"What."
"They're cute." Ventus said, softly. "I mean, look at that, they're all squeaky and shaky."
A breath. Ventus turned to Vanitas and almost squeaked like the Unversed when he noticed him just inches away. Ventus giggled out of nervousness. While he couldn't see his irises, he was almost sure Vanitas was glaring at him. It was still pretty. He wanted to ask why they were glowing like that.
"I'm taking you back," Vanitas said, then.
Ventus blinked. Oh. Yeah. He should go back. "How long we've been here?"
Vanitas scoffed, then bit his lip, smiled. Ventus felt as lightheaded as he had been on that vision, blood vanishing from his brain and heart being heard everywhere, from his chest to the tip of his fingers.
He wanted to bite Vanitas again, harder. Wanted to punch him. To ki—
"Get up," Vanitas said, then, moving away from him.
Ventus begrudgingly obliged. The moment he got up, his stomach took a horrible dive. Everything went dark for a second and he searched desperately for something to hold, and then his hands found a wall.
A wall?
He opened his eyes, which he didn't even noticed he had closed. The Manor. Riku was walking over towards him with a worried frown. Ventus breathed in, then out, then in again. His nose wasn't stuffed anymore, though he still felt kind of feverish. Terra's jacket had been tied to his waist, but he hadn't done it at all. Riku lightly tapped his face.
"You okay?" He asked quietly. "You were staring at the forest for a minute or so."
A minute? He had just gotten there. Ventus breathed in again. "Yeah, I, uh... Dark Corridors are horrible."
Riku gave him a sympathetic smile. "I know. An— Xehanort's Heartless walked me through them a few times. It never gets better."
Ventus half smiled at him. "Sorry I ran off."
"Don't worry, he, uhm... He told us where Vanitas took you."
Ventus blinked. "Ah. Terra. How's he doing?"
"Isa took him for a walk." Riku sighed. "How were things there?"
"I got to vent," Ventus said honestly. "I don't think it was very healthy, though."
Riku chuckled, softly. "Don't worry about it. You didn't say anything. But next time? Say something. We can't read your mind, and... You looked really pissed. I'd know, I've been there."
Ventus' smile turned genuine and gentle at that. "I didn't want to hurt anyone."
"We can manage, Ventus," Riku took one of his hands. "We need to know when we're hurting you too. Hiding this stuff will only make it worse."
"From experience?"
"Yeah," Riku giggled. "Learned the hard way."
Ventus looked at their hands. "I think I'm going insane."
"Why?"
He sighed. "Vanitas."
Riku let out a breathy, soft and barely there chuckle. "Did he do anything weird?"
His voice dropped a few octaves. "I got to see some stuff from his side of the Heart."
"Oh,"
"I think..." Ventus whispered. "I think Xehanort genuinely broke more of what he said he did. Vanitas told me it wasn't just my Heart that broke when Xehanort tried taking the darkness from it."
Riku was quiet, but it wasn't oppressive, it was understanding. It made speaking a lot easier. When he did spoke, it wasn't with judgement but some secretive tone Ventus only heard him speak when he talked about his dreams with Sora.
"Ansem The Wise found some of the old reports and... Xehanort's Heartless, he... He wrote a lot of things about it." Riku swallowed, lowered his head. "Xehanort could have killed you off for good with what he did. True Death, the one that takes all three of what makes a person."
"But he didn't, Sora gave me his Heart for a while."
Riku shook his head lightly. "You would have died immediately, Ven. I think... Whatever Vanitas is, even if he says it as some sort of mockery, he was the one holding your Light while you were out. Until it found Sora, I think Vanitas held it so you wouldn't disappear." He swallowed again, hand tightening around Ventus' hand. "You didn't become a Nobody either, so that's really my best guess."
Ventus bit his lip. He could still taste sugar somewhere on his teeth. He smiled a bit brighter than he should, the memory that wasn't his and the senses that weren't his going back and forth inside his mind. How annoying it was that Vanitas wouldn't be upfront about this, ever.
"That tracks, actually," Ventus let out in a breath.
Riku pulled him into a very awkward but very warm hug. Ventus sniffed. He hadn't noticed he was crying until Riku moved the other hand to his back.
"If it was Xehanort that did it and not your own darkness, then I don't think you should feel ashamed about it." Riku whispered. "It's a part of you, these feelings. I don't know what your old master taught you and Terra, but the best way to deal with it is to accept it. It gets easier to control if you do."
Ventus moved back a bit, and for a horrible second he hoped he didn't look as disheveled as his past self did when crying. Hoped Riku didn't mind it the crazed look on his face, the desperate way he looked up at him. But Riku had that understanding gentle smile on his lips and that pillow soft concern over his teal eyes, and Ventus felt disarmed in a good way. There weren't any judgment inside Riku's eyes. His breath hitched.
"It's okay to be angry too, Ven," Riku whispered.
Ventus broke down. He hugged Riku desperately, sobbed, fell. They both fell, at that. Riku let him, gently stroking his hair. He didn't say anything either, because there wasn't anything to be said.
Notes:
Riku tried his best 🙏
Chapter 13: Half Deity
Summary:
Vanitas takes a turn with Ventus, then takes his chances with an old friend.
Notes:
Vanitas' "pov" from chapter 6 and 12!!
Heads up for mentioned dacryphilia, cursing, implied torture and... Technically underage drinking, but anyways
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Well, Vanitas was positively fucked. If only he could express that in a way that wasn't breaking and tearing down his stuff by producing Unversed, it would be great. Anxiety came out of him so easily he didn't even noticed the Unversed staring at him until it nudged it's snout at his hand. Because of course Venty Wenty would get a memory crash when he was eons distant from him. Of course. Such a great thing They chose to give his counterpart, an alarm bell inside his spine. Just because he hesitated a tiny bit to heal him back at Clock Tower.
Because he wanted to see Ventus break a little.
Now, Shadow Traveling was nothing new for him, but other darkness users had to comically fail Dark Corridors over and over again to be able to access what he had to only blink a few times to do. None of them ever got to Shadow Travel either, the closest The Seeker got to it was through being formless.
He got to travel about seven Worlds to find Ventus back at his white Castle land, fucking asleep again. It triggered something awful inside Vanitas, but before it could manifest, Vanitas bit down on his tongue hard enough to bleed. At least Ventus was sleeping somewhere that didn't had wards to push away half his essence. And he woke up, half asleep still, calling him out. That wouldn't do and he seriously needed to stop doing it.
Bite, bite, bite, bite—
Sure, that was something he could indulge. It wasn't something that would take from him either, only from Ventus. The bed creaked a bit, but it was fine. Then Ventus got all giggles and smiles at him. Which, okay, it happaned before. Light blue eyes so far gone he'd smile like Vanitas was his lord and savior. It was funny when it happened, back when Ventus was a kid. Now it was just... Hm. It wasn't funny, but it made him agitated all the same.
And he did not wanted to babysit again, that was Aqua's job, for fuck's sake.
He did hesitate, again. Ventus closed his eyes and hummed when Vanitas traced down his neck. Oh, he knew what kind of Unversed this would create and he did not wanted to go through with it again.
BITE. BITE, BITE, BITE—
He caved and bit down Ventus' neck. Lightly. Just so They would shut up. They didn't. It got worse, really. They got possessive, agitated, hungry. And loud. So Vanitas begrudgingly obliged to everything they asked. It tasted good, so he didn't bother. Feelings tasted differently, all of them. Envy tasted sour, it prickled at the tongue, and came a bit slow. It was easier to take it when Ventus was awake, but oh well. He could deal with it like this too.
Vanitas ran his hands inside Ventus' shirt. Just because skin contact made it easier to take — and he needed his hands to do something, move or go somewhere. It was why taking Envy was easier when Ventus was awake, because he could use Void Gear for it instead of his hands.
And Ventus was dangerously compliant. So he took Anger. They didn't ask for it, he took it just because. It tasted a bit salty but fruity, it never seized to be funny. Anger always came hot and stung a little. Ventus hissed. He stopped, traced down his neck again. Hissing turned to humming. Vanitas scoffed and moved away a bit. Stupid little Ventus.
Blue eyes met him, pupils so dilated the blue wasn't even half there. He looked up at Vanitas with wonder on his eyes, as if Vanitas was the prettiest thing in the world. It infuriating, really. He could feel Them pulling at his consciousness, and for a moment, Vanitas just stopped breathing entirely, mind shutting down for a few seconds. They weren't hungry, that wasn't it. Whatever They were trying to explain, it wasn't processing enough for his brain to catch up.
So They took control over him for the first time in forever. Vanitas was left in the quiet solace of his own Heart for a few seconds. It was nice. It was rare, too. And then it burned. It wasn't a bad kind of burn, it just made possible for him to see his Station through the liquified Darkness that poured out of it.
Which meant They were really going at it with Ventus. Whatever it was They gave him was strong enough for the bond to go both ways again. There weren't many things that made the bond go both ways, however, and Vanitas could count on his fingers the options he had. And none of them were any good. When he did return to his own body, his hands twitched. He felt giddy. Fear was given to him, that was a first. It tasted as sweet as sugar, but it was Gods be damned hard do swallow.
And then Ventus got loud. For no reason in particular, it wasn't as if Vanitas was running his hand inside his shirt, nails dragging through skin, biting down his neck and shoulder and humans were abnormaly sensitive to this kind of touch.
Of course not. Ventus was just weird like that sometimes, like when he tried to hide that he liked to see other people crying — it wasn't a learned behavior, it was theirs alone, had been there on their Heart before it split, anyhow. It had nothing to do with Darkness as Magic or Concept like everyone liked to think. Ventus as a whole was just weird.
And Ventus was just loud naturally, definitely not because he was sitting in a place normal humans found particularly sensitive about when these things were happening to them. But Ventus wasn't a quite right and bright human, and Vanitas wasn't human at all, so when he groaned and bared his neck Vanitas snickered. It was so endearing. Sometimes he understood Them. Humans were kind of funny with all the nerves they had.
Oh, shame tasted good. Really good. It was easy to swallow, it hurt to take, it was a fruit fest on the tongue. And Venty had quite a lot of it too, to make it better. He didn't even need to bite it off of him, just nedded to be close enough and choke it down a bit. And Ventus whined too, which was as nice to hear as well produced music.
He got a feast and all he had to do was answer some questions Ventus had been itching to ask. Maybe the alarm bell on Ventus' spine wasn't so bad. He could get to see him at his worst without even doing anything. And of course Aqua and Terra were helping him indirectly. The taste of victory was as sweet as shame on his tongue. They were willingly giving their little Light to him, just like the Dandelions had done two thousand years ago.
Isolating Ventus wasn't really a conceptualized plan, it simply happened from time to time. They'd get feisty out of nowhere and do it. Slowly, so Ventus wouldn't notice. The anticipation tasted good, too. Ventus was clearly unwell, and They were getting agitated again. What more could he do to satiate it he didn't even wanted to know. Because he had learned the hard way Darkness only grew hungrier. He had sent Lost Memory to get Marluxia mostly to calm the Guardians down so they'd let Ventus wander off again, not to get Ventus to break their agreement, but he had expected it to happen.
Radiant Garden was a disaster, but he had been expecting it to be, because of course the alarm bells would go rampant with Skuld. Of course Light would cave in immediately, give all it had.
It was their nature after all.
What Vanitas wasn't expecting was Marluxia. But that had been a welcoming sight. Get Venty all desperate and sick like he had been the first time he got to time travel. It was a nice dejà vu. And Marluxia played his part too well, being all tempted with his abusive, obsessive side. Getting Aqua angry and Ventus promptly, royally pissed was a bonus. A tasty, nice bonus. He knew Ventus wouldn't follow through with what he had agreed for long, but that had been quick. Real quick.
He had better things to do than babysit someone else's feelings, because his Unversed were already too much for him, and They had to go and make his misery double with that stupid ring.
It goes both ways, They had said. You can get your Light back this way.
And he believed it. Foolish of him, Xehanort would say. The Master would've laughed and called him silly, then he'd go all quiet and contemplative and ask him stuff that was not important at all. Just because he could.
So when Ventus started throwing him looks, he knew. They didn't lie at all. Because why would they.
Then the Unversed came. It got him, how they simply forced themselves out. And it fucking hurt. He hated begging Them, but these ones hurt the most. So he forced his throat to work through the pain and begged, then begged again. He almost cried when the third one came out, forced itself out of his Heart into reality. Vanitas wanted to throw up, but nothing would come out. If anything it would make it easier for them to keep coming. There was a scream stuck somewhere between his chest and his throat and he pawed at his coat, trying to rip it open so it would come out. He pulled his hair to force a headache.
And then Ventus had the audacity to look at him as if he was some sort of Deity while he was at his worst, Their hands all over him, pressing, possessive, taking what was left of Ventus out of him and then breaking it, making him feel horrible for even having a part of himself that still held to Light.
To his own Heart. And the way Ventus was looking at him only made it worse. Light gives.
"You okay?"
Of fucking course not. "Do I look okay?" He hissed instead.
Breathing was... A choice. Ventus gave him the stiffiest shake of head in the world.
"Is it always like this when they come out of you?" He asked.
Well. Well, it wasn't. He couldn't lie, could he?
"No," He managed. "Not always. Just the unwanted ones."
Ventus brows furrowed a bit at that, almost offended. "Why?"
Vanitas pulled harder at his hair. "Just because. They like to torture me every now and then."
"Why you don't want them?" Ventus tried again.
Vanitas chuckled, forced, breath hitching. He hated this, but if he focused on the hate too much, another one would come out. "You have a brain, use it."
Ventus deadpanned at him. Turned his head to the Unversed waiting behind him, and whatever he did got them all squeaky and loud. He didn't disliked them, they were just annoying. What he did dislike, though, was how they would always brute force themselves out. It was the worst part of himself.
"How many of them he got out of you before you could control the flooding?" Ventus asked, then, and Vanitas could almost taste his anger.
He breathed in. Choked. Forced out one shaky breath. "Way too many."
Because that was the truth. Xehanort got him to kill the useless ones in the slowest way possible. Because they hurt the most to come out, and for some reason the stupid old man thought they hurt because they weren't a natural part of Darkness. He knew Darkness as a concept, but Vanitas wasn't that.
He was a part of something greater, Magic in essence, a part of all Truth of the Worlds. And the useless ones still had a use for Darkness, just not the way Xehanort wanted it.
"Are they also a Ventus problem?" Ventus raised an eyebrow at Vanitas.
Vanitas swallowed and that did something to Ventus, apparently, as his eyes lowered. Great, he couldn't simply be, now. He almost felt like they had switched sides for a second, with the way Ventus was staring at his throat. That he had been Light instead. It would've been funny, wouldn't it?
"Yeah," Vanitas closed his eyes for a moment. "They're a Venty problem."
Ventus sit beside Vanitas, clearly fidgeting. He huffed a chuckle, a bit strangled one at that.
"What other problems I was giving you by just existing?"
Many. Twelve years worth of it. A leash, one highly megalomaniac old man, twelve years of desperation. He wanted to answer that with a punch, but instead... Instead he breathed in, slowly.
Vanitas moved his head to Ventus, still very mechanical. He couldn't risk another Unversed now. "You really can't stay quiet, can you?"
Ventus snickered. "Not when I'm angry."
"You're not angry, Ventus," Vanitas said, matter of factly. "You're annoying me."
"Oh, so your eyes get weird when you're annoyed?"
Vanitas went still. His eyes were closed shut. He wasn't annoyed, not entirely, and not just at Ventus.
"Yeah."
"That's funny," Ventus muttered. "So, what else?"
If his eyes weren't closed, he'd roll them. "Urges."
"Like what?"
The ring stung. Vanitas sighed. Ventus was too quiet for it to be anything good. He opened his eyes, and he knew just by the way Ventus shifted beside him that they weren't gold, but green. He felt his hands tingling, his synapses snapping. Bite. He needed to bite something, or else he'd go insane. So he bit his lip down hard enough to bleed, it would heal anyways. It always did. They didn't like him bleeding out like that — not outside of fighting.
"Just... Urges." He managed out the choked words.
"Hm," Ventus whispered. He sounded a bit off. "Okay. I get it, I guess."
"Great, now go do something actually productive with your anger and leave me alone."
Ventus giggled. The audacity. "This is productive for me. It's very soothing."
Vanitas turned to him, moving slower than he wanted to. He had begged to something worse than Ventus, so he could so this with clean consciousness. So he begged Ventus to just die. Leave him. Couldn't the stupid Guardian see that he was in pain? Were all Guardians of Light blind to the suffering of others?
"Kill me, then."
He wanted to. He wanted to, so much. He couldn't.
Ventus glared at him for a while. His hand tingled around his neck, and he hoped it would bruise. And then Ventus broke. It happened quiet, fast, and soft, almost. He wasn't expecting it at all. For Light to give in so easily. It burned his skin, and he learned right there and then what the ring actually did.
It sent Ventus' feelings back to him. It goes both ways. Vanitas was positively fucked. Because They weren't lying, it really did went both ways.
Why else would Venty be so Gods be damned hungry all of sudden. Why else would he let it happen. The bleeding was the least of his problems, because he got to experience what fever was for the first time since he had been created, and Vanitas did not liked it one bit. He shouldn't be liking this as much as he was, either. He never got to take a good emotion out of Ventus, and he didn't even knew if this was good or bad.
True neutral emotion. Did that even exist?
Vanitas sighed, moved his head a bit out of the way. Let Ventus have what he wanted. And he did had a lot of want. If he focused enough on what he was receiving and not on what he was doing, Ventus would make him create a whole army of Unversed. If only Xehanort knew that it only took Ventus to bite him back for it to happen he wouldn't have disposed of his Light so quick. Ventus ran his nails over his back. Huh. Okay. Fever was nice, then, somehow.
He got give something back, too, which... Okay, maybe fever wasn't the right term for how he was. It was almost a fever. He did felt warm, though, annoyingly warm. Like Ventus should had taken his coat off kind of warm. Clothes were annoying and got in the way kind of warm, and it made him way too aware of Them hissing at the back of his mind.
Take, take, take.
Was this how Ventus felt when he bit him that time? And then Ventus stopped. Stopped and looked down at him, and it wasn't Ventus. Not anymore. He triggered the worst thing in the Worlds to come out of his Heart and greet Vanitas. Pure Light. And Pure Light was very, very demanding. Almost as much as it was submissive. Light gives, Darkness takes.
And, oh boy, was Ventus giving.
Well, at least that explained some things. Vanitas was almost sure he was just reflecting Them back at It. Ventus' eyes weren't entirely open, not yet, the pale blue light reflecting inside them moving like a parasite. Then it was Ventus back again, staring at him like he just had some otherworldly experience. He wasn't technically wrong with the way he was looking at Vanitas because he was almost sure Darkness was staring back at Ventus in that bizarre way They did.
Take, take. He's giving, so take.
Vanitas let go of Ventus' hair mostly to spite Them. Then he got a better ideia. Clothes really did got in the way, and his fingers were itching to get the feeling of hurt even if it was just the feeling.
Itching for contact. Ventus closed his eyes almost immediately, lips parting. Well, that... Wasn't a reaction he was expecting. It should be illegal to be pretty while in any kind of pain, but anyhow, Ventus hissed. A win was a win.
So whatever possesed him to move wasn't very fond of breathy laughter, apparently. Because what in the hells. Why did a chuckle made him so... He didn't even wanted to name what he felt. He knew what it was, of course. He knew every feeling, every emotion in the world. It simply didn't made sense, unless they were Ventus' feelings, which...
Well. If they were, they both had a gigantic problem.
Darkness was real quiet, then. Because for a little while, he got Ventus to be his, not shared. He got Pure Light to submit really fast too, flooding his system as fast as Darkness did. Pure Light was colder than ice, and it gave him nothing because it had nothing to give for him, only to it's natural balance.
But Ventus? Ventus gave him everything.
Vanitas got to learn a way to make someone scream that wasn't through pain. He'd know if Ventus was in pain and he definitely wasn't. He even got to share without bringing neither Darkness nor Ventus to his Heart. What a revolutionary discovery.
The only concern he had was of what memory Ventus got, but either he got something really weird from when Vanitas wasn't entirely in control or he got something to do with Creation. None of them were something Ventus would understand completely. Not with how his brain had shut down.
Then the ring gave him back what Ventus was feeling again and. And Ventus was also positively fucked up in the head, because what in the hells.
He didn't knew humans could be this needy. He was genuinely impressed. Ventus was almost matching Darkness with how much want he was holding back. If Ventus ever asked whatever triggered that, he would use his free will excuse not to answer it. Because, well, why answer it anyhow. Liar, liar. He could almost hear it already. Pure Light stared back at him through Ventus and holy sacred hells. Raw Magic really was something, huh. Vanitas knew what he was, what part of Ventus he was, why he could do the things he did. But damn wasn't he tempted to mess around his counterpart's Light, now.
He pushed Ventus off of him before he caved again. Then he looked around. Yeah, he should have focused more on what he was doing. Vanitas had created a whole army of... Joy.
* * *
The unwanted ones were a lot easier to deal when he didn't had to kill them off. Corona was warm enough they wouldn't get feisty and run off, it's forests were cold enough they wouldn't melt. They flocked around him and he was almost sure the humans of that World were thinking he had gotten himself hundreds of lambs or deers. It would be a sight to behold, for sure. Releasing them in the wild wouldn't give the citizens any problems either — none that would track the Guardians back to him.
If the humans got near them they'd get some sort of intoxicated sense of Joy, which, well. Wasn't bad perse, but everything in great quantity was not good. That was how people got possessed by the Unversed, actually. Through the matching of feelings, and that was why people blamed the wrong Truth of the Worlds for it too, because of course darkness in the heart was at fault for people going mayhem.
But darkness only took what was there already. It was also what happened to Terra and Sora, but if Vanitas ever brought that up to Ventus, his counterpart would start a war. But at least the Nobody understood that to some degree.
And so did platinum pretty boy, and he understood it better than the others. What The Seeker had said had been kind of right. Riku did got a potential to balance out light and dark — as concepts. Human concepts.
Terra, however, had it big for him. If only his master hadn't been manipulated by Light to the point of being blinded by it and then let Terra get so done and scared of his own powers to the point of letting himself get manipulated so hard by Xehanort that he didn't trust his own potential anymore.
If only the Guardians knew what they had on their hands with that one. Outer Worlds humans were all filled with a potential for magic that Center Worlds humans weren't. Squall, Cloud, Aerith, even Cid and Yuffie. Ventus. Terra. But they didn't knew it, and if they did, they didn't wanted to acknowledge it.
He left them to get familiar with the place, sniffing around. Hundreds of bundles of Joy stared at him, then, all too eager to please. Vanitas sighed, sit, waited. They came to him, slowly, scared. Sniffed.
"No Void Gear this time," He whispered at them when they laid around him. "Just stay quiet."
They squeaked. Vanitas groaned. "No," He said, then. "Don't get loud. Just stay quiet, let them come to you."
Easier said than done, but whatever. They understood enough to stay down and just... Enjoy the sun? Vanitas wasn't really sure of what they were doing in the forest with him or why he was still there, but at least he got to sit down and. Enjoy the quiet. Hah. How ironic. He laid too, head on his Unversed.
Corona was nicely balanced, Light and Darkness on equal parts, Sun and Moon or whatever it was that they called it. Cherished equally too, understood as what they were. Equals. Not as enemies of each other, but complementary. It made Them calm, too.
A World that respected both it's sides wasn't a World Darkness wished to take from. Because they didn't need to fight it. They didn't need to take, because Their needs were met immediately. It almost made Vanitas hopeful. The balance had been taken, if only for a few years, but it had been given back.
Eighteen years. Vanitas thought, then, that if he waited another six years maybe Ventus would come back around. He snickered. That wouldn't happen anytime soon. It would never happen. But hoping didn't hurt. It never did.
Hope and shame tasted the same for him, but hope was his and shame was Ventus'. He had too much of it to give, and They loved to take. Cradled his Light but swallowed Their own creation. Not that Vanitas cared, he had too much time to go back and forth with his hatred for it. He had twelve years to come to acceptance and make peace with it.
A child's laughter got him to open his eyes. It was a little girl, hair as black as coal, disheveled and cut all wrong. She was smiling at him. Vanitas blinked.
"Are you an angel?" Bright green eyes stared at him with wonder.
Vanitas kept his face neutral. "No," He said.
"But you came from the skies, just like one."
Oh, shit. He smiled, a small thing. "I did."
"But not an angel?"
He sit back up. Stared at the girl. Blinked. She did too. Patted her dirty dress, hands fidgety. Smiled at him, all teeth and round cheeks. She skidded closer.
"Your eyes are so pretty!" She gasped, patting an Unversed. Her eyes glistened, then, soft pink, then came back to the bright green. "Hehe! That wasn't so nice!"
"Don't pet them," Vanitas warned softly. "They're gonna hurt you."
The girl stared at his Joy. Stared back at him. Beamed. "Okay!" She sit around him, at arm's length.
Vanitas' brows furrowed a bit. "Where are your parents?"
The little girl huffed. "I don't know, mister angel."
Vanitas hummed. He stared at the sky, then. Closed his eyes. Breathed in, focused. She smelled like apples, horse fur, a bit of lavender that was already fading and paint. He breathed out.
The girl gasped again when he opened his eyes. "Your eyes shine just like the princess!"
Oh, yeah. Rapunzel had the power of the Sun. He had completely forgotten about it.
"Can you heal wounds like she can, mister angel?"
Vanitas blinked, slow. Offered her a ghost of a smile, resigned and receded. "I can heal wounds, yeah."
She moved closer, still beaming. "That's so cool!"
He huffed softly through his nose, closed his eyes again. They stood in silence with just the sun and his Joy squeaking around the grass between them. The girl was moving closer, he heard it. Then something heavy crawled on his thigh, small hands squirming on his lap, moving around as it pleased until she found the perfect position. He let the girl be. Her head flopped on his chest and Vanitas sighed again. At least one of them were comfortable. He lowered his eyes to the girl and she was still staring at his face, eager eyes waiting for... Something. She smiled again.
"You're really, really pretty, mister angel." She said in a whisper.
"I know where your parents are," He said, then.
Her eyes glistened. "Really?!"
"Mhm," Vanitas stared ahead. His eyes found a small Joy. Hm. "Do you wanna go back? You can take one of them that won't hurt you."
The girl giggled, all but jumped on his lap. "Yeah! I wanna!"
Children were so easy. He smiled, still way too small. He made his way to the smallest of Joys he had made. The first one. The one Ventus got out of him. The one he knew wouldn't hurt anything. Casted Blizzard over it. Then Time. That was a spell that Light defenders didn't had access to. It was hard to learn. The Master had taught Them and The Foretellers too, when they still didn't had their duties. Time was real hard to learn, but it was so worth the mistakes and bruises.
The little Joy moved, stared, squirmed, got up. Blinked it's little eyes, turned to the girl. She gave it a hug and her eyes didn't turn light orange, they stood their bright green. She had a smile so bright it could compete with the sun of Corona itself. Vanitas crouched down, eyes on the Joy.
"Close your eyes," He whispered. "And hold your breath, okay?"
The girl nodded vehemently. Closed her eyes. Breathed in and held it, hands tightening around the Joy. The shadows moved around them, and for a few seconds there was nothing, just the dark. Warm, inviting, calm, soothing. And then they were in the far corner of a tavern. Loud, Gods be damned loud.
"You can breathe out now," Vanitas instructed, and the girl opened one eye at the time, staring at him confused. She looked around, eyes widened. "I'm guessing it's your mother."
The nod he received was eager. She patted his cheek. "Thank you, mister angel!"
The girl ran off. Vanitas blinked a few times. Humans were so odd. He sat down there, staring at the commotion. Drinks being spilled, music loudly sung. A waitress had the girl tied to her hip, one hand on the jar of beer and the other on the top of the girl's hair. His Joy, now donated, wandered around the tavern. He kept staring at it as it roamed free.
"Ay, ge'up, kid."
He rolled his eyes up. Stared at the drunk man in front of him. He had one tooth missing, and he reeked of delusion and alcohol. Vanitas shook his head half in discontent, half in amusement.
"Ere," He man crouched down, tapping the cup on Vanitas' head. "Drink a lil'. Helps."
Vanitas could lie and say he was too young for it. He was older than all of the tavern combined. He snorted at the man. "I'm fine."
"Ye? Ya' don't look fine, kid." The man frowned. "Ge'up, lil' prince. Ge' sum' of it down a bit."
Vanitas blinked real slow at him. Smiled, annoyed. The man snickered. "There 'e go!" He patted Vanitas' shoulder with enough force to dislocate it.
He couldn't get drunk. Boredom settled a little bit after his tenth cup. Beer tasted as weird as it smelled but it was easy to swallow. He got a lot of praise for his poker face while draining entire jars. They gave him wine after forcing him to drink three cups with salt, for some reason. It tasted awful but he had managed worse. Wine was sweet, warm, almost tasted like hope. Like shame. Interestingly, it was the drink that enabled both of them on humans. He chuckled at the thought. Some random man patted his back in sympathy and Vanitas scowled.
"Life has it's way, doesn't it," The man said.
Very familiar voice, not so very familiar man. Vanitas sighed, turned around. Luxu met him with a smile.
Vanitas scowled again. "What do you want."
Luxu laughed and sit by his side. "A drink, maybe?"
"A drink for this lad!" Some other man screamed. Vanitas grimaced and Luxu wholeheartedly laughed.
"Aw, come on," He hugged Vanitas by the shoulder. "We're old buddies. You can tell me stuff, you know that. You're looking real good with all these clothes, too, like the royalty you are." Luxu sniffed around his neck. "What brings the harbinger of Darkness around these lands, hm?"
"Don't smell me," Vanitas growled. "Different from your Master, We don't plan, We simply do."
Luxu hummed, long and drawled. "So," He got a few fingers inside Vanitas' hair. "Little Ventus wasn't a part of your grand plan with Master?"
Vanitas paused. Turned to Luxu, stared. Blinked as slow as he could muster to. "No, Luxu. He wasn't."
"Heh, you remember my name, how sweet." He pulled Vanitas' head to forcibly rest on his shoulder. "Then why is he still around? I mean, him and the girl. Lauriam was on me, but they weren't."
"I want him around," Vanitas said. "There's not a why, as I said. We don't do planning."
"But why, though?" Luxu's light yellow eye glistened. "Isn't he always whining about, going around and giggles and smiles? He hates you."
"I really don't care," Vanitas frowned. "And you shouldn't either, don't you have a plan in Unreality to put to use?"
"Oh," Luxu sing sung. "I do, yes. I could use a hand."
Vanitas pulled his cup of wine. "Not happening."
"Bummer."
A beat of silence between them.
"Is he a pet, then?" Luxu asked and Vanitas groaned. Luxu giggled at his annoyance. "Am I close enough?"
"No," Vanitas clicked his tongue. "Drink your shit and shut up."
"Oh, I wish you'd speak like that to Xehanort, would've been so funny!" Luxu gave before he took one long sip of the wine. "Does this affect you?"
"Why?" Vanitas raised an eyebrow. "Trying to get me drunk?"
"Just curious," Luxu shrugged. "I mean, you ain't human, so... Where does all the whimsy and the drunkenness goes?"
Vanitas scoffed, shook his head. "It doesn't go anywhere, Luxu. Ceases to exist the moment it gets inside."
"Well, damn." The apprentice laughed hard at that. "I could only hope to not get drunk with beverages. Hey, you think your little Ventus can drink? I mean, we're technically not that far in age, only eight years apart. Well, me, not Braig."
Vanitas stared at him in silence. Then he snorted. "You want to get him drunk?"
"Wouldn't it be funny?"
"Please, don't."
Luxu's eyes gleamed. "Oooh? Begging?"
Vanitas scowled. Didn't answer.
"Why not, though?" Luxu put his head on Vanitas' shoulder, batting his eyelash at him. "Is he the kind of drunk that speaks a lot?"
Vanitas shrugged. "Don't know. I don't think he drinks at all."
Luxu snorted. "Yeah, that sixteen façade and all."
"You go around telling people you're two thousand something something?" Vanitas raised an eyebrow at him. Swallowed his cup in one go. He wished he could get drunk so Luxu would shut up.
"Oh, no!" Luxu giggled. "But Braig's heart was... Is forty something. So I'm kind of there." He waved a hand around. "Not eighteen anymore."
Vanitas hummed in sympathy. "Let's hope your travels to Unreality don't get you killed so you can witness Ventus' eighteenth birthday and get him drunk as much as you want."
"Ain't he technically twenty eight?" Luxu said after one swift swallow. "I can get him drunk."
Vanitas snickered. "Your obsessive behavior is very endearing."
"It's my charm, what can I say," Luxu shrugged and got up. "What do they put on their wine? Holy hells."
Luxu walked to the bar, put some golden coins. Paid everyone's tabs. Got himself a few other rounds of drinks. He waved Vanitas goodbye with his raised cup as soon as he saw him shaking his head and opening a Dark Corridor. He wanted out of there.
Teleported right to Ventus' old home.
Notes:
There's an uncensored version of this chapter somewhere on my notes
Chapter 14: Eden's Vices
Summary:
Terra comes to a gentle but terrifying understanding of those around him through The Heartless of Xehanort occupying his heart and overpowering his mind.
Notes:
Heads up for implied/referenced grooming!! They don't speak about it directly, but it's there. It's a heavy topic, it's there for the entire chapter as a looming shadow of Xehanort's actions BUT since this chapter is just setting up things and reasons for Terra's decisions in the long run, you can feel free to skip
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Ansem shoved his consciousness so far off his mind he couldn't hear his own voice. But he could sense things around him. He could sense hands on his own, feel his body responding, his head moving, vocal cords being used. Terra slowly swum back to at least use his eyes. White, everywhere. Terra gave up trying with his eyes and focused somewhere else.
He could sense Ansem's emotions through his veins, boiling under his skin.
He felt Ventus around him, taking his jacket, and though he wanted to thank him for it — Ansem's presence made his blood boil and his adrenaline spike — he knew he couldn't really use his voice. Mostly because he could feel a cage inside Ventus. Anger holding back a storm of shame, grief hiding amusement, desire masking itself as denial.
They needed to talk, really talk.
For a moment Terra was glad that Ansem made him aware enough to sense feelings and not be able to speak, because he'd for sure end up asking Ventus about it. Twelve years of rage made him learn to hold his tongue a little, but he was worried.
He was speaking with someone. Someone Ansem did not liked. Terra could take a guess, with how his blood boiled and his fingers tingled. Either Roxas, Lea or Naminé. Most likely Naminé. Isa and Aqua were there more as anchors to the others as to him, but Terra didn't mind it. He didn't want Ansem anywhere near Aqua, and though Isa didn't seem to mind that he'd dissociate, Ansem minded Isa. A lot.
Then there was Riku. Ansem was... Odd, around Riku. He had some sort of reverence for him, and Terra recognized pride when he sensed it, though he didn't knew if it was his or Ansem's. It was quiet acceptance, as if Ansem wanted something he knew he wouldn't ever get so he gave up wanting. Terra didn't knew how to explain it, but it wasn't as uncomfortable as he thought it would be.
Ansem's senses flooded him, and for a second all there was in the world was Riku. Practically to perfection, platinum hair and teal eyes met him with a light pout and a slight tilt of his head.
Oh, he could see Riku.
"When I said I'd miss you, I wasn't wishing for you to comeback," Was said to Ansem, half teasing.
Terra felt him answering. It wasn't a long answer either, like it had been to the others. They had to be alone, then. He felt his own detatched fear cursing through, just beneath Ansem's patience.
Don't worry, I've hurt him enough for a lifetime.
"You... Can sense them there?"
There? Where? Terra's fear spiked. And Ansem shut it down. Washed over it with patience so great it could rival Eraqus' meditative state. Don't worry.
"Oh," Riku breathed out. Stared at him with softly concerned eyes. "And Terra?"
Ansem answered so quietly Terra almost didn't felt it.
A hand was lifted. He almost felt like he was on Xemnas' point of view, then, with teal eyes following his hand until it landed on skin, over his face. He felt the softest of sighs leaving Riku's mouth. Teal eyes had closed on contact. Ansem said something, voice barely there, and Riku smiled. Ansem let Terra use his hand. He pulled Riku, slowly, when he felt grief rising, creeping slowly from the chest to the throat, until it reached the eyes and platinum hair hid tears forming as he lowered his head. Riku let himself be pulled, too.
So they were working together, now. Ansem was speaking, Terra was moving. He had a feeling it was because Ansem didn't understood how it was to grieve, not with how he was made, so he let Terra guide both of them through it. He was a body made of mourning. Terra sit somewhere that wasn't a chair and Riku all but slumped over him, arms loose around Terra. A bed. They were on Naminé's room.
His guess was right, then. Ansem had been talking to Naminé and Roxas both before Riku got in the picture and all attention was given to him.
"M' sorry," Was whispered against his neck.
Terra felt Ansem huff a chuckle. He pulled Riku to sit, let him rest his head, fingers passing through platinum hair as easily as it did on Ventus' hair.
There wasn't just grief, Terra knew. He could almost taste Riku's fear, could feel his worry, his hope. And anger. At himself, for not being able to protect, at the world, for taking his most cherished person. It was a defensive kind of anger, it didn't burn like Ventus' and didn't lash out like Terra's. It was almost polite, in a way, as if it was asking permission to be.
Terra wondered if he could taste feelings because of Ansem. If all Heartless could do that.
"I'm sorry," Riku mumbled again, strained.
Don't be.
Ansem said something and Riku shifted. He kept speaking. Riku hummed against his neck, nodded, sighed. Anger subdued until it was no more. Not subdued, Terra realized a bit delayed. It was taken. Consumed. He could taste it on his tongue, hot and salty, almost like tears. And sweet, like cherry, somehow. Then it hit him. Riku let Ansem take his anger from him — numb him out of it. He had felt it, understood it and there wasn't a reason to keep it. So he gave it away somewhere it had a use.
Ansem said something else.
"No," Riku murmured. "Not that. Thanks."
Thanks? Terra patted his head and Riku chuckled softly, barely there. He spoke again, as Terra ran his fingers through Riku's hair again, and the kid nodded so slow Terra doubted it was an agreement and more a reflex to the words, understanding.
"Sure," Was said quietly. Ansem chuckled, spoke of something that made Riku shrunk on Terra's arms as if he was a kid again. "You know why, Ansem."
Something else was said and Riku nodded again, took a deep breath. "I— no. It's Kairi, you know that."
Denial tasted funny, but Terra didn't focus enough on that and more on what Riku was in denial for. What guided them both through their journey, he knew. It was a quiet understanding that made him hold Riku tighter. Even denial was quiet and polite, as though as it knew it wasn't supposed to be there anymore but persisted anyhow. Persisted because it was protecting something else far greater, brighter.
"No," Riku whispered. "No, it's only you and Terra now."
Ansem nodded. Didn't say anything else. Digesting, Terra knew. Thinking, plotting. His stomach took a happy dive, and Terra did not wanted to know whatever it was that Ansem had said to Riku then, because it made the kid dangerously compliant, soft giggles given to his ears without so much as a thought of restraint.
"Sure," Riku stuttered. "Whenever you want."
Terra shouldn't be feeling happy about dubious compliance, but he was. Ansem didn't shove him back this time. He pulled him back to his senses slowly, almost a mockery of gentleness. Almost guiding, like he'd do on Terra's dreams.
Terra had a suspicion that it had something to do with how Riku saw them both, that Ansem was worried and didn't want to disturb the kid more than he already was. Riku had moved away to give him space, also, as if Ansem had warned him.
"Can you hear me, Terra?" Riku asked slowly.
Terra stared at him. Patted his head. He couldn't speak yet but his body was slowly figuring itself back again. He could breath on his own pattern.
"I'm taking that as a yes?" Riku's eyes glistened with quiet amusement and unreleased tears. "Sorry, I got your shirt all messed up."
"N' worry," He slurred. "S' fine."
Riku sighed softly and nodded with a small smile. "Did you hear anything?"
His throat was working with him again. As were his vocal cords. "You," Terra said. "I heard you."
Riku tilted his head lightly. "But not Ansem."
Terra shook his head as slow as he could, eyes not leaving Riku's for a single second. "You gave me your anger."
Riku blinked a few times, fast. "Sorry, I—"
"Don't worry," Terra closed his eyes. "I'm used to anger. Don't apologize so much for feeling things."
Riku let out a quiet, strangled giggle. "Thank you for letting me cry all over your shirt."
Terra snorted. "This secret is safe with this shirt." He stared at the door. "Why did he wanted to speak with you all of a sudden?"
Riku sit by his side. "Trust issues." He chuckled, amused. "And comfort, I guess. He said Ventus is on the Realm of Darkness. That he needed something Light can't offer right now, didn't say what it is."
"He's angry," Terra shifted on the bed. "He doesn't cope really well with it. I didn't either."
Riku nodded, eyes lowered to his own hands. "I get it. Neither did I, back then."
"I need to talk with him, when he's ready," Terra mumbled. "There's a lot going on with him that I don't think he can deal with alone."
Riku stared at him for a quiet few seconds. Opened his mouth, paused, closed it. Looked away. Terra tilted his head, curious, but didn't press him to speak. A hand slipped to his, slow and timid, in a way.
"So do you, Terra," Riku said, quiet.
It was his turn to let out a strangled, huffed chuckle. "I can manage."
"If you— Would you..." Riku swallowed, breathed in. Tried again. "If I need anything, can I come to you?"
That felt heavier than it should. There was a different kind of grief shining through his eyes. A different kind of understanding, a search that Terra knew all too well. He used to do the same thing when Eraqus put him in time-out. It used to bother his master, when he looked at him like that, with this kind of anticipation. Expectations that never got met, not back then, not ever. And wouldn't, not anymore.
Dead people couldn't speak, couldn't touch, couldn't feel. Eraqus had said it himself. He had failed Terra, just not as a master like he once thought. He understood it now, watching the same anticipation shining through Riku's eyes. A son's plea.
Terra smiled at him, because Eraqus never did when he look up at him like that. When he looked at him with this kind of hurt, with this expectation. He tightened Riku's hold on his hand, pulled it to his lap. Chuckled. It was what he had needed, all these years, back then. Understanding.
"Whenever you need me, Riku," He said softly. "Or him." Terra snorted. "Just don't tell Aqua about the Ansem part, I can deal with that on my own."
Riku's hand trembled as if he was cold. Greenish blue eyes met his, and there was a beat of silence. Terra wasn't worried he had done anything wrong, because Riku had stars on his eyes for him, in complete awe. He breathed in, hugged him sideways, let Riku had his silence. Understanding.
It didn't took long for Aqua and Isa to come. Which was funny, in a way. The people he didn't want near Ansem. Riku was still holding his hand, albeit a bit shy instead of the trembling half confident way of before. Isa's eyes snapped at their joined hands, then back at Riku, and then slowly turned to Terra. Aqua had that look of concern Terra only got to see a few times, when it was only the two of them.
So either Ansem said something really out of pocket to her or Naminé, or Ventus did something awful while he was out. Or a secret, worse third option.
"Are you okay, Riku?" Isa asked, very slow.
Riku nodded. "The Seeker said some things about The Maze, is all."
Terra didn't need think twice to know Riku was lying, but he said it so easily the others wouldn't know it if they didn't heard the conversation. And Terra doubted they even could, with how soft spoken the two of them had been. Ansem knew some things about Riku none of they would ever know. He had been inside his Heart, also. He knew the lengths Riku could go when he made his mind up. And the way the kid looked after the conversation, the small signs he gave Terra. How Ansem had guided him back...
They were speaking, but Terra wasn't listening. He stared at Riku with a different kind of understanding, too. Not pity, no. Not the way Eraqus did when Terra would break down on his grief and anger. This was different. Riku was seventeen and alone. Terra had been there, too. Terra smiled, sad and soft and quiet, heart on his hand. Seventeen and alone, left, abandoned. A son's plea.
Terra breathed in, sharp.
"Terra?" Aqua sit beside him. "You okay?"
His eyes didn't left his hand on Riku's. At how small he truly was, how the weight he was carrying was too much for a kid his age to bear. He stared up at Terra, lips parted and—
"I'm sorry," Terra blurted out. He gave Riku a smile. "I'm sorry, I need air."
Aqua frowned. He turned to her, and whatever he looked like, it made her quiet her complaints. "Sorry."
"It's fine," She said then, quieter. She cupped his face, kissed his forehead. "I'll set some things with YenSid, okay?"
Terra nodded, sighed. Held Riku's hand tighter, then he let go. Isa nodded to the door and closed it behind him when they left.
***
It was a different kind of quiet between them, it always was. Isa made him feel lonely in ways it was only matched by Xemnas himself. They were lonely together, in a way. It was as if Isa was seeking some sort of redemption with him, even though he didn't need one. Not from Terra at least. There was a pull, somewhere, that Terra didn't want to ignore. Isa was loyal to a faulting degree. It was endearing.
It was dangerous, too. It let a bittersweet taste on his mouth, one he couldn't wash away. It didn't matter how much he searched, how much space he made for Isa to open up, he'd just compress further, recoil.
Terra would wonder how Isa and Lea even got to be friends in the first place. Then his mind would sneer at him, remind him that he knew exactly how they got to bw friends, because Isa was just like him.
He needed to be backed in a corner, needed a good fight to actually opened up. Rage got him to survive long before Lingering Will. And Lea was explosive, quite a lot at that. He could see why they were friends. Like Lea had said to Aqua he could understand her picking Terra of all people and staying by his side for this long. Terra didn't. He wanted to understand, but he trully didn't.
Isa kept narrowing his eyes at the floor and mouthing some words.
"What did he tell you?" Terra finally snapped.
Isa moved his head up. Stared at the setting sun.
"To give up," Isa said, then. "That I should be happy as I am."
Terra frowned. "What were you searching for?"
Because it was a search. That much was obvious. Isa stopped walking. Turned to him, slow. Swallowed.
"Nothing," He said, after a beat. "Ansem is right. It's time to let it go."
"I hope this has nothing to do with me," Terra tilted his head. "And everything to do with Xemnas."
Isa offered him a small, resigned smile. "Yes. It was Xemnas, yes."
Terra nodded, then. "He... Doesn't come as often. Sorry."
"You don't need to be sorry for something you have no control over, Terra," Isa frowned at him. "If he doesn't want to face what he did, it's fine."
Terra looked away. "... Is that why you're so weird to me?"
Isa sighed. "There are parts of my work with him I wish to forget, is all. And you're a constant reminder of it."
Terra blinked slowly at him. "Because...?"
Isa's nose twitched up a bit and then he was the perfect mask of neutrality. "You have a Heart."
I took my comrades for granted.
Terra hissed, held his head. Shut up.
"Terra?"
He looked up. For a second, they were in a white room, some sort of table where Isa sit, eyes bright orange and with just enough of red for Terra to know he had been crying, the sky above them as dark as it could get. And a moon, golden and bright, artificial, above Isa's head like a halo. It made him equal parts menancing and beautiful. Terra blinked, it was gone. Isa still wore black, but it was just a jacket, not a hood. And he didn't look about to pass out from crying either.
"Saïx," Terra said, sudden. He coughed, throat dry.
I took him for granted, as well. More than anything. Loyalty is a strange thing, isn't it.
It was the first time since they met Isa gave him a look that wasn't confused or resentful. So many emotions flared through Isa's eyes it was hard to pick one to focus. And they were gone as fast as they came, which did not help one bit.
Terra almost forced himself onto his Station and dragged Xemnas out. He knew how to do it, knew since he was twelve, because at the time it was the only thing that would make him calm down from anger and grief. Eraqus didn't had words powerful enough nor meditations long enough for him to quiet, so teaching him to trace and wander off his own Heart was the only way.
There had been darkness inside of him, but what did it matter, at the end? Eraqus had died his father because he had empathy enough to be one but he never got to earn the title. Xemnas had been the Organization's leader, but he hadn't earn the title either. And Terra wanted him to explain himself.
Leave me be, child.
Terra looked up at Isa again. "Sorry, he... Said some words."
Isa blinked. "He doesn't do what Ansem does."
"No," Terra chuckled, humorless. "He gets to tickle my brain every once in a while, but that's it."
Isa gave him a single nod. They were quiet, then, just walking, breathing, existing. Living. He wondered if Xemnas would ever come to appreciate these things, if he ever had. If Xehanort ever had, either. Destroying the Worlds to balance them out didn't seem like that much of a intelligent thought neither Terra or Xehanort would have. But then again, Xehanort was cruel, power hungry.
Balance was a lie Xehanort told himself to make his plan seem bigger than it was — and the constant nagging at the back of Terra's head whenever he was alone with Isa he excused as Xemnas' loneliness shining through was one big lie as well.
He could admit as much to himself. Because whenever he was alone with Isa he'd feel like he was crossing some sort of line, that he needed to ground himself by holding him somewhere, and he felt the same way about Aqua, which... Okay. Great.
"I think he's apologizing," Terra said, then, after minutes of just walking around the outskirts of Twilight Town. The sun had fully settled. "Something about taking your loyalty for granted."
Isa stopped, breathed out, lowered his head. His fingers twitched. "He made me hate the only person that ever understood me, taking my loyalty was the least he could apologize for."
Terra felt himself smiling, though he didn't exactly knew why. He didn't want to know why. It was a defensive kind of thing, like the ones he gave Aqua when she got too close to making him snap at her. "You want the whole thing."
Isa glared at him. That was a first.
"If he said some—"
"There's just so much he's able to admit right now," Terra crossed his arms. "You needed time, didn't you? So does he."
"Time," Isa echoed. "He needs time. As if he never had it back then, huh."
"Lea betrayed him." Terra narrowed his eyes, bit his inner cheek. "Even betrayed him. You stood your ground. If he didn't want to speak, he wouldn't."
"He didn't."
Terra raised an eyebrow at him. "I did."
Isa opened his mouth. Paused. Closed. Glared again. Shook his head, looked away. Sighed. "Hopeless,"
"Yeah."
"And you don't mind it."
Terra snorted. "Why would I?"
Isa turned away, stared at the rising moon. "You should."
"I just gained another kid to watch over, Isa." Terra sighed. "If I stop and think what Xehanort gave me or took from me, I'd go insane."
Isa gave him the ghost of a smile. "I can see where Xemnas got that from."
Terra shook his head lightly. He understood why Isa was distant with him, then.
He'd be the same if Xehanort had a sudden change of heart and started apologizing for his global evil deeds, but never apologised for something as personal as manipulation that had deeper roots like this. They really were one in the same. Even with this.
"How old were you?"
Isa shrugged. "Old enough."
"Isa."
"Eighteen."
Terra nodded slow and a bit angry. Quiet anger. He licked his front teeth. That seemed about right. Modus Operandi, he could almost hear old master Odin saying. He could almost see the glare Eraqus would have given him for snickering at this.
"He had a type, I guess."
It began slow, the soft laughter that came from Isa.
"A type?" Isa mumbled between soft giggles. "Why? How old were you?"
"Twenty."
Isa snorted again. "What an interesting discovery. I guess by using your body, he got to take two years out his equation."
Terra held back a barked laugh but it came out wheezed and stuttered. Why they were even laughing at their own misery, he'd never understand. But it was nice, it was different, it wasn't pitiful as trying to explain himself over and over again. This, too, was some sort of understanding, a coming to reality that didn't needed him to be ashamed of what he had gone through — he could be selfish.
"How did he got you?" He asked, then.
Isa sighed, amused. "Jealousy. I didn't like that Lea got to go around making friends that weren't mine either." His eyes lowered a bit. "He said I could have a friend Lea wouldn't have."
Terra grimaced. Then giggled. "He kept feeding my ego, so I guess I was a bit worse."
Isa stared at him through half lidded eyes and crossed arms. "Oh, that explains some things."
"I was oblivious and kind of stupid back then," Terra shrugged. "He got me to kill my dad."
"He got me to kill Lea."
They stared at each other for a beat.
"I'm sorry you look at me and see him, still," Terra muttered.
Isa was giving him short, uneven bouts of breaths. "For someone that just called himself oblivious you're quite perceptive, Terra."
"Was it worse with Xemnas?"
Isa shrugged, his eyes glistened with amusement and... "Hormones."
Terra grimaced. "Ah."
So that was why Xemnas kept avoiding Isa. Made sense. A part of what made Xehanort himself was his cowardice, anyhow.
"He was worse," Isa smiled one deadly grin. He had fangs, Terra noticed. "Xehanort got me once. Xemnas got me twice."
Terra raised an eyebrow. "So by technicality, I got you thrice."
Isa tilted his head. The moon was right above his head and it gave Terra one nasty dejà vu. It wasn't artificial, this time. Not the place, the moon, or the feelings — what lingered of them, that is.
"You should be proud," Isa said, still grinning. Isa has fangs.
Terra put his hands on his hips and shook his head like a disappointed father. "Proud of manipulation?"
Isa chuckled. "Three's a good number."
Terra raised an eyebrow at him. "It's uneven."
"So?"
"Four."
Isa bit his lip. Frowned. What Terra said settled between them. He giggled again, looked away, shook his head. "We should go back. If you get more air than this you'll get worse ideas."
"Don't judge me," Terra shrugged as they turned around to the forest. "It wasn't a bad idea, either."
"He definitely got the ego from you."
"Ven would agree." Terra narrowed his eyes at some odd looking trees. "I guess it wasn't all Xehanort, I also have a type."
Isa snickered, breathed out another giggle or two. "You're awful."
"It's the Xemnas in me."
That got Isa to wholeheartedly laugh. It was the first time Terra heard it, too.
He sighed, the lingering scent of pride settling under his nose and inside his skin. "I hope Lea doesn't kill me for saying this."
Isa clicked his tongue when they found themselves around the Manor. "He'll thank you, if anything."
"For what?"
"Making me laugh," Isa said quietly. "It's been a while."
Terra patted his shoulder. "Any time, Isa."
Isa smiled at him, a small, genuine and vulnerable thing. Made Terra want to pull Ends Of Earth and shoot Xehanort all over again. Made him want to Dive and punch Xemnas as many times as he pleased. Isa didn't deserve to be used and thrown away like that. No one did. It made him sick.
"You're staring," Isa said, then.
Terra shrugged. "That's what eyes are for."
Isa snorted, shook his head, moved to the gates when he noticed the others coming out. Ventus, Roxas and Riku were engaged in a shushed but very rampant conversation. It almost looked like Roxas was scolding both of them. Lea, Xion and Naminé stared with different levels of concern. It was Lea that noticed them first, then Naminé, then Ventus.
He got hugged by more than one kid this time.
Notes:
Terra discovered the power of loaded jokes and fatherly love
Chapter 15: Provider
Notes:
(See the end of the chapter for notes.)
Chapter Text
Terra didn't got to speak with Ventus about that evening on Twilight Town. Everytime he brought that up, Ventus would get scarlet red, laugh nervously and excuse himself. He really wanted to know if Vanitas had done something with him but he didn't ask out of respect. Because Ventus needed space and time — they had a lot of apologizing to do to him, Terra and Aqua. But from the ways the things were looking, it had to be Ventus that had done something and he didn't want to speak up about it.
So when he lit up a new candle inside his hidden shrine three days later, for safety, Terra mustered the courage he knew he only had for very few things and called Ventus over. Poor Ven had been so scared his fingers twitched. He had been taking care of the wards in the Castle, offered himself to do it for Aqua to go around in Mystery Tower and study with YenSid. So it was only them at night.
"Is that—?" Ventus stared at the closet door, but quiet down the moment Terra opened it.
The only other sound Ventus made was a light gasp when his eyes found the shrine. Then he giggled a bit confused at the different clothes. Breathed in, eyes shining a silver blue, when he got to the map. Each star had a Core World, so very different from the Center Worlds Terra hadn't wrapped his head around it the first month he got the dreams again.
Before Merlin unlocked all his memories by lifting the curse.
"Terra," Ventus whispered, eyes at the shrine. "What's all this?"
"My home," Terra said, sitting down to face the candle. "Before master Eraqus. There's more of it on his chambers, at the Master's Tower."
Ventus sit beside him, eyes wide. "When did you find out about it?"
Terra gave him a small smile. "I've always known, Ven, this wasn't a secret between Eraqus and I. Just where I came from, my family. I knew very little about it because everytime I brought it up, the grief was too much, confusing, blinding."
Ventus let his head fall, then. Swallowed. "I'm sorry."
Terra got a hand on his hair, scratching his scalp lightly. "I wanted you and Aqua to know, later on, but... Xehanort happened. I've been gaining courage to talk about it more openly these months."
Ventus nodded, eyes on the candle again. "You got something, I just the clothes I was wearing and my Keyblade."
"See, that's the thing, when Eraqus found me I only had the clothes I was wearing too. And they're gone now, he got rid of them." Terra murmured. "I didn't even knew what a Keyblade was, I've thought I was a failure for a whole year before I could summon Earthshaker. I didn't fit in with the other kids, either."
Ventus turned his head to him a bit, eyes bright and teary. He gave Terra a slow nod. Then Ventus smiled, sucked a startled breath, stared down to hide his face. Terra pulled him closer.
"Stop hiding," He uttered.
Ventus' shoulders went up. "It's... Sorry."
"Look at me,"
Ventus hesitated for a few seconds, then his eyes slowly moved up to find Terra's. There was a hint of anger bubbling up and Terra gave him a nod.
"Be angry," He chuckled. "It's there for you to feel, not to hide it."
A beat.
"It's unfair," Ventus spat, then. "We both got our homes destroyed. And for what? Stupid war that gave us nothing. The Worlds are still there, and we're the ones that have to deal with everything else."
The candle flickered. The fire burned higher.
Terra half hugged him. The tears came soon enough, and the apologies right after. He never got to see Ventus cry like that, it wasn't quiet, it was painful, he sounded genuinely distraught and hurt. Terra came to understand the nonsense Ventus murmured when he got his fevers and headaches weren't just the names of the kids on the painted portraits.
Aqua had said Ventus had lost his parents when he was nine, that Marluxia became his caretaker since then. That his homeworld had been destroyed. And now that Ventus knew, that he could remember, he could mourn. It wasn't just grief. It was hatred, burning too bright, powerful enough to blind. It was shame for feeling, for even thinking of hate.
When Ventus calmed down, he was heaving, breathing in small gasps, choking on his tears. Then he was giggling, shaking his head in disapproval of his own feelings. He kept apologizing, too.
"Don't do that," Terra cupped his cheeks. "Don't apologize for being human, Ven. You're only hurting yourself like this."
Ventus swallowed, huffed. Shook his head. Whined, grimaced. "You don't get it."
"Don't I? Tell me, then." Terra guided, gently.
Ventus took a deep breath. "I—" He choked, coughed. "Nevermind."
Terra nodded. "When you're ready to talk, you can talk to me."
He stared at Terra and there was so much shame in the swallow and smile he gave that Terra almost set the room ablaze with the repetition of the incantation inside his mind. Ventus whipped his head around to the candle, eyes wide and bright and a bit teary still. Terra breathed in, focused. The fire flickered, subdued, went back to normal.
"How do you do that?" Ventus whispered, in awe.
"It's an incantation," He shrugged. "The flame is connected to the Soul of the one who's praying."
Ventus blinked. Kept staring. There was an avalanche of feelings crumbling inside his eyes and for the first time Terra really saw what Ventus meant when he talked about unfairness. He looked far older than he should — older than sixteen, than twenty eight. Like a ghost of a past Terra didn't knew of, didn't understood entirely. And there was a hollow ring to his eyes, the kind that Terra had only seen in the mirror. In the Other. Inside his Station.
"Ventus," Terra uttered, then, between his mental prayers. Ventus didn't turn, but tilted his head lightly. "Is it Sora you're missing or Vanitas?"
Ventus breathed in, then out, softly. Something reflected from the flame to his eyes. Ventus didn't blink, didn't look away, didn't turn to Terra.
"It's Darkness."
Terra stared at his flame, then. "You say it as if it's a person and not... A part of you."
"They're not,"
Terra didn't move, didn't breathe. "They. Singular?"
"Plural They," Ventus shrugged a bit. "You... Don't need to— see? Nevermind."
Terra huffed, patted his shoulder, stared back at the flame. "If what you miss is sentient, don't you want to search for it?"
Ventus paused. This time he turned to Terra. "I don't think I have to. That's what Vanitas is for, I guess. My negativity and a part of Them." He gave Terra the weakest smile he had ever seen. "I want him back."
Terra moved his hand from Ventus' shoulder to his cheek. Stroke with his thumb, smiled back. If he ever told Eraqus anything remotely close to this — that he missed how his unbalanced his original World was, that he didn't hate the darkness inside him until Eraqus taught him to — he'd get more than a week's worth of meditation and lectures, he'd have to swear on Earthshaker not to speak of these things again.
But Eraqus had raised him, even if he didn't see eye to eye with Terra most times. Even if he had to teach Terra through his own view of Light and Shadow, and not Terra's. He wondered if that was what Ansem was trying to push on his mind. What Xemnas was seeing. If Ventus missed a part of his World that had been common to him, that stuck with his counterpart and not himself. Wasn't that what Vanitas had wanted, way back when? To join back?
"He's there, isn't he?" He murmured. "You can still have him, Ven. Not everything was taken."
Ventus blinked a few times. Tired. He looked horribly, devastatingly tired. More than twelve years worth of it. Got Terra wondering how Ventus dealt with all of this the two years he got to be with them.
He didn't, Terra knew. He didn't remember most of it, just the pain. It made him at lot more sympathetic with Vanitas, then, because he was the side of Ventus that couldn't control how and what it felt. Like Ansem, in a way, but not the same at all.
"He doesn't want to," Ventus swallowed. "I don't— I don't know." He chuckled, humorless. "I'm going insane. Two wars for the same stupid reason, it's finally getting to me, I guess."
Two? Terra pulled him closer. Inspected his eyes.
"Ven," He called, slow, soft, almost detatched. "How old are you, really?"
Ventus smiled, a grin that wasn't fond at all. It was sharp, almost like Roxas'. Worse. Identical to Vanitas.
"I have no idea," He said.
Terra knew it was a lie, but he didn't care. When Ventus was ready, he'd speak up about it.
Ventus hugged Terra, got up on his knees, arms around Terra's neck, and held him close as if Terra was the one in need of it and not himself. Terra had wrapped his hands around Ven's waist, the candle going out. He was out of prayers, now.
"But it's fine," He murmured, then. "I'm old enough to have three dads, I guess."
Terra snorted. He could keep up pretending for Ven. Anything for him. "That how you see me? I'm not that older than you."
Ventus hummed. He paused, considered, then tilted his head slightly. Almost as if he had thought of something and dismissed it. "You wanna be my big brother, then?"
Terra nodded lightly, chuckling. "Who's the second dad?"
"Lauriam."
Terra hummed. They got quiet, in the dark. Eraqus at least provided him with the culture, the studies, the clothes of his old, forgotten home. Ventus didn't had that. He had Chirithy and he had Marluxia. And Terra understood, there, what else Ventus needed. What he needed too, and his Nobody and Heartless had been trying to make him see for himself.
One can't have a future if there's not a past.
***
Ventus got to see Lauriam again. It didn't took long, either. He needed to apologize, anyways. He just didn't knew for what. And get his clothes back, give Lauriam's back too. He had profusely apologized to Terra and Aqua, made sure to stay very quiet and still and compliant for a whole week. Took care of the Castle, also. He genuinely apologized to Chirithy too, and he had no nightmares throughout the week.
He got to learn a bit about Terra, too. Got to finally take some of the weight out of his chest without hurting anyone, just like Riku told him to.
So when he got to see Lauriam, he wanted to explain. Wanted to tell him that he didn't need to hide from him back then, that he could have dealt with whatever it was that Lauriam was going through. Sure he had been just ten, but he would understand.
When the door opened, Ventus stared at Elrena with confused but amused eyes. He knew they had been close but this close? That were some news.
"Oh, it's his stray this time." She said, annoyed. Turned away, waved at Ventus for him to come over. "Luxi!"
This time?
Lauriam appeared from the small corridor, hair messy and a hand scratching his eyes. Wrinkled white button up blouse and black sweatpants were a funny combo, but he was at home, so Ventus didn't judged — not as much, that is. He had a chain necklace that he kept between his teeth, and his eyes were tired. He stared past Ventus, then his eyes focused. He walked over, pulled Ventus by the wrist, hugged him then rushed him to his room.
There was a lot going on, some books, a few dismantled screens. It seemed like the Labs kind of things, and some of the notes were indeed from Ienzo, but it wasn't about Lauriam.
"Sorry," Ventus murmured and Lauriam hummed. "I can come back la—"
He turned around fast, but his voice was quiet and gentle. "Have you eaten anything?"
"I did,"
"Are you feeling better from your cold?"
"I'm better, yeah,"
Marluxia frowned. "Then what are you apologizing for?"
Ventus sit down over the bed, biting down his lip. "I wasn't asleep."
There was a pause, then Marluxia sit beside him. Sighed, chuckled. "I had a feeling you weren't."
"Are you mad?"
"Not at all," He whispered, taking Ventus' hands on his. "I was going to tell you, just thought maybe now wasn't the time. You don't remember everything, do you?"
Ventus shook his head no, eyes searching for any trace of a lie, just as he did with Aqua and Terra the past week. There wasn't any. What there was, though, was that same glint of insanity he had seen a million times — that he had clung to, years ago.
"Can I... Ask you something?"
Marluxia nodded, eyes unmoving, unblinking.
Ventus shifted on the bed, crossed his legs, stared right on to deep blue eyes. "Why didn't you told me what was happening back then? And why can't Aqua call you Lauriam?"
"I wanted you safe," Marluxia said slowly, a fidgety hand coming to his necklace. "From everyone, me included." He snorted. "Lauriam is just for you. It's Marluxia for everyone else."
Ventus frowned. Took a few seconds with the information received. "You wouldn't hurt me."
"I did hurt you." He sighed. "And I tried to kill you once, there was also that."
"You didn't trust yourself?" Ventus asked, ignoring the first statement.
"I hurt you, Ven," Marluxia said through his teeth, like a warning. "And I didn't trust myself near you for a while."
Ventus blinked. Stared. Eyed the hand on the necklace. "Was it that bad?"
"No,"
His eyes snapped up. Marluxia was smiling, a fond but fickle thing.
"Then why—"
Marluxia took his necklace off, wrapped Ventus' wrists, pulled then closed the necklace. It was light enough he could spread them apart a bit, not enough to use magic or summon his Keyblade. It made him anxious for a second, before Ventus reminded himself that Lauriam wouldn't hurt him — even if he just said he already had. Ventus stared at his tied hands for a few seconds before he understood what Marluxia had meant.
The scratches he had woken up to, that Lauriam had attended, patched up and healed him, the ones that kept opening even though Ventus wouldn't touch them. The feeling he had of being wrapped around his middle, by the trees. The sensation of something itching around his wrists. He stared up at Marluxia, slowly, a calculated move.
"Why?"
Marluxia kept staring at the makeshift cuff. "I didn't want you to run."
"I wouldn't run,"
"I know." Finally, he looked at Ventus. "I knew."
Marluxia's fingers kept tracing the chained cord of his necklace. Ventus let the words sink inside him, trying really hard not to make his ring move to sting.
"Did you—" Ventus breathed in, grimacing. "How did you got in the Organization?"
Marluxia's fingers paused. He stared into Ventus' eyes for a few seconds. Lowered them to his tied wrists again. Hummed. "Xigbar shot me twice."
"Why?"
Marluxia giggled. "I was trespassing."
"Back then," Ventus murmured. "Back then, when you'd tie me up... What did you do afterwards?"
Marluxia sighed. Stared at his face, gave him a smile that was equal parts annoyed and sad.
"Walk away a bit," He shrugged. "Scream. Hit my head in some trees. Stress relief."
Ventus raised an eyebrow. "I wouldn't mind you doing any of that near me."
"Ven," Marluxia called with a grimace. "I would."
"So hurting yourself was a stress relief to you?"
Marluxia stared at him, blinked a few times. "No," He chuckled, lowered his eyes. "Those were separate things. I meant..." he gestured vaguely. "Other things."
Ventus didn't press. Not immediately. He was curious, but it was clearly a topic that Marluxia wanted to avoid, so he didn't brought it up again. Not yet. He gave him a light shake of his head.
"I was a desperate teenager," Marluxia murmured. "And I needed a break."
"You tied me up knowing I wouldn't run if you didn't do that anyway," Ventus shot back, speaking just as low. "Because you needed a break?"
Marluxia's eyes snapped back to his face so fast it made Ventus flinch. He looked about to collapse but he just chuckled and pulled Ventus closer in a half hug, patting his head as if he didn't just said he did tie him up for the fun of it and not out of necessity.
"I should apologize, shouldn't I?" He whispered against Ventus' hair. "I'm sorry I thought I had to do it but I'm not sorry I did it."
Something snapped at Ventus' mind. A cord he didn't knew was barely holding back. "Did you ever do it to someone else? I know you were Lord of Castle Oblivion, so... Did you ever did it to Naminé?"
Marluxia was quiet, very much so. His hands begun fidgeting with Ven's hair and the hem of his shirt.
"Of course you know her," Marluxia mumbled. "No, I didn't. You can ask her, if you want. I never... Did any of that to anyone else."
"So it was just me," Ventus swallowed. "Because you needed a break. And thought I'd ran off if ever got to hear whatever it was you were doing."
Marluxia snorted. "Kind of. You're tied up now."
Ventus scowled. "And I'm not running, am I?"
He received a kiss on his hair again for his indignation. Ventus huffed. "I'm really trying not to ask,"
"You can," Marluxia shrugged. "You're already tied, anyways."
Ventus opened his mouth, pausing for a second. Blinked. Cleared his throat, then swallowed.
"Was it any fun?" Ven narrowed his eyes. "Tying me up?"
Marluxia laughed softly at that. "No, it was horrible. You used to cry a lot when you'd wake and I wasn't near you. And I couldn't sit you down and say 'hey Ven, sorry I left for a while, I needed to break a hand punching a tree and scream a little." He sighed, then. "It was only you and I, so sometimes... It was really bad."
"You could always cast Silence on me," Ven shrugged.
"I don't like when you're quiet," Marluxia narrowed his eyes at him. "I'd rather you scream at me than cry on your own."
Ventus lowered his eyes to his tied wrists. "I just want people around me to tell me things. Even if they hurt me, I don't wanna... I feel left behind."
Marluxia hugged him, not as tight, and Ventus passed his arms — his tied wrists made it easier — around Marluxia's neck. Ventus giggled a bit. Sniffed. Giggled again, less contained.
"It's easier," He whispered.
Marluxia snorted. "Happens. You're not behind anything, Ven. It's protection, there are things you can't tell people and the same goes for them."
"I tell them everything."
"Do you?"
Ventus sighed, shuddered. "I do." Easy lie.
But Marluxia really did had a father's mind. "On your own accord, that is."
Ventus glanced up and was met with a fond smile. He looked down immediately. Bit his lip.
"Okay, I don't, but I used to."
Marluxia hummed and they were quiet for a while.
"What is it you want to know?" He asked, then, softer.
"How bad was it," Ventus started. "That you had to tie me up just because."
"I thought that..." Marluxia swallowed. "That if you couldn't use magic, then I wouldn't have to hurt you if it came down to it. That I could be quick about it too. First you and then myself. It stopped being about fear after a while."
"What was it, then?"
"Control." Came quick and whispered.
"Huh," Was all Ventus could think. "Control," He echoed.
Marluxia got out of the hug. "I knew you wouldn't run," He pulled at the chain necklace with his fingers. "I wanted to do it, either way. Kept doing it."
"And now?"
"Hm?"
"Right now. Why did you do it?"
Marluxia gave him the oddest of smiles. "Because I wanted to."
Ventus blinked up at him a few times. "You wanted to tie me."
His smile turned pained. "I know it's bad. Thanks."
Ventus exhaled. "It's fine," He shrugged. "At least you're honest about it."
Marluxia snorted. "It was reflex." He pulled at the necklace tying Ventus' wrists, finally undoing it. "Because you went away."
Again.
Ventus stared at him through his lashes. "It really is about control, huh."
Marluxia nodded, deliberately slow. "Told you so."
"So, you get a kick out of it?"
Marluxia's shoulders shook when he giggled. "Not anymore. It felt horrible since then, anyhow."
"You still did it," Ventus rolled his free hands. "And you tried to hurt Aqua."
Marluxia's nose wrinkled. "Reflex."
"But you're not sorry,"
"No."
"You wanted to tie me up and you're not sorry about hurting my friend," Ventus fingers twitched. "You were part of the Organization, which were mostly darkness users, and you're also not sorry about using Naminé." His brows furrowed. "What else?"
Marluxia lowered his head, still staring at Ventus. It made his skin crawl, and it wasn't because of the thing inside his body. It was genuine anxiety. When Marluxia's hands came up from his shoulders to his neck, Ventus swallowed the urge to recoil. Naminé had said Marluxia wasn't cruel, not really, not like Ansem the Wise had been. But that he was... Off. That his eyes scared her more than his power.
Ventus never saw it until now. That insanity could be scary, that it wasn't always protective. That it wasn't protection at all. Possessiveness. He breathed in.
"I knew," Marluxia whispered, leaning in. "Where you were."
Ventus blinked. Breathed out. He could taste Marluxia's breath, with how close he was.
"What?"
He smiled at Ventus. It was fond, but terrifying.
It clicked.
Castle Oblivion. Where Aqua hid him. Marluxia had been the highest authority inside that thing for Gods knew how long. He didn't got lost there, not because he didn't had a Heart, like Lea said when he brought that up. Because he knew how to navigate the Castle itself, his lack of memories, the Keyblade call. His attachment to Ventus. He knew Masters Defender. The Castle recognized it and gave him the Chamber of Waking. Worked with him.
"And you never did anything?" Ventus glared.
"You wanted me to tell Xemnas about your existence?" Marluxia narrowed his eyes at Ven. "I connected the dots when he told us to search the Castle, that he was looking for something important."
There was a pregnant pause. Marluxia sighed.
"I didn't knew it was you," He said then, slow. "I thought Vexen was trying to play tricks with me. I never told him not to give him the satisfaction. I never stood foot on the room itself, I knew I couldn't, but I watched you sleep from the door."
Ventus stared at his own hands for a long while. The silence wasn't oppressive, but the air was just as still as they were. Digesting the information. It hurt. It stung, it made Ventus angry, frustrated, terrified. He stared up at Marluxia again, and immediately regretted it. He was crying, silent and composed. Ventus' eyes kept following tears, the trail they left on Marluxia's cheeks until they disappeared.
He felt angry still, but way less. He wanted Marluxia to stop crying, wanted his eyes to open up again. Thumbs stroked his jaw, light as feathers, and Ventus had to will his eyes to stay open. It's Lauriam, his mind hissed, Stop being weird about it.
"I know you're angry," He said, then, voice strained.
Ventus bit his lip. "Think so?"
"Be as angry as you want," Marluxia shrugged. "You said you could handle it, even if it hurt. Just..." He swallowed, opened his eyes. "Don't get quiet."
Ventus took a deep breath. Then another. And another. He really was trying this time. Swallowed. Breathed in and out again. "I'm handling it."
Marluxia snorted. "I can see that."
"My turn," He said, low.
Marluxia's lips twitched upwards. "Go ahead,"
"Don't hate me," Ventus warned.
"I can't."
"Okay," He breathed out. "I'm... Soul bonded?" Ventus grimaced. "Part of my Heart was given to... The thing."
Marluxia blinked. He didn't say anything for a while, deep blue eyes kept staring at him with unwavering patience and a glint of something predatory.
"The thing," He echoed.
Ventus nodded. "Tie me up," He whispered, hurried. "You're gonna need it."
Marluxia tilted his head but obliged. He looked like he was fighting a smile, but when he ended, he was frowning. "Go ahead. Hurt me."
"Darkness," Ventus slurred the word. "Part of me is... Theirs..." He blinked, took in the way Marluxia's eyes shifted from patience to hatred in less than seconds. "And they... It calls me a friend."
"Friend," Marluxia spat the word. He nodded slowly. "Before or after Xehanort?"
"Before," Ventus breathed out. "Way back when. I didn't knew you or anyone else yet."
The tears that followed weren't from guilt, Ventus could see as much. Marluxia's hands shook so much it was as if he had held something real heavy for hours. He smiled at Ventus, a different kind of warm.
The kind that is battling with disgust.
"I need it," Ventus narrowed his eyes. "It was there when you left, when everyone left. It healed your wound because I asked it to."
Marluxia's eyes twitched. He was still smiling, the tears were still there. "You... Need it."
Ventus nodded.
Marluxia breathed in, deep, long. Paused. His hands were still on Ventus' neck, and for a second Ven thought he was going to be choked, that Marluxia hated this enough to actually hurt him. But Marluxia laughed a strangled, wet chuckle.
"What else you need?"
Ventus blinked. "You."
Marluxia giggled, a bit maniac. "You still have me."
"Are you angry?"
"I am," Marluxia closed his eyes. "Not at you."
"Not at me?"
"It's not your fault," He relaxed his shoulders, pulled Ventus to lay with him, a few fingers scratching his hair. "It got you were you thought you were weak. You're too kind, Ven, even with... That thing."
"So who you're angry at?"
"A multitude of people," Marluxia murmured. Sniffed. "Dead people. Myself. That thing. Mostly that thing."
"Stop crying," Ventus blurted out and grimaced immediately. "Sorry."
Marluxia raised an eyebrow at him. His smile turned genuine and he chuckled, but this time it was a breathy, calm, natural thing. Not forced. It was soothing, in a way, that he was still his Lauriam somewhere inside. Hidden from the worlds and just his. Ventus closed his eyes, lightheaded.
"Does it make you uncomfortable that other people also cry?"
Father's mind, indeed.
Ventus grimaced again, eyes still closed. "Kind of,"
A snort, a tighter hug. "It's a normal body response, Ven. People cry, get over it."
Ventus snickered. It turned into soft giggles that evolved to gentle laughter. He was crying too.
"My hands, Lauriam," He mumbled weakly through his chuckles.
Marluxia just sighed and shifted closer. Ventus tried to push the necklace apart, but it didn't gave way.
"Lauriam,"
The hug turned suffocating for a second. Then it was back to normalcy, and Marluxia kissed his hair.
"Da—" He choked. Coughed. "Lauriam, it's kind of hurting, now."
Marluxia went still. For almost a minute, neither of them moved. Neither of them spoke. Then Marluxia wholeheartedly laughed, got on top of Ventus, lightly kissed his tears away and gave him both a heart attack and dejà vu. His mom used to do that when she was happy. Sometimes his dad, too.
The pain and physical discomfort were forgotten.
Notes:
This one was ✨fun✨ to write
Chapter 16: Oxytocin
Summary:
Oxytocin: Regulates social interaction, helping with the perception of emotions. This hormone helps to modulate the expression of emotions, reducing the feeling of stress or fear.
Notes:
So I was listening to "Notre Dame" and "The Warmth" by the great Paris Paloma while writing Ven's part and. OH BOY.
Yes, I have a whole fic for past!Terra/Aqua with all the things mentioned over this one IN GREAT DETAIL because i'm silly like that wkrk3kfkeke will I ever post it? I dunno, but the thing is enormous
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Terra didn't saw Aqua for almost two weeks before he decided enough was enough. Getting Ventus to sleep on Marluxia's house had been... An ideia, for sure, but it had been welcoming, the quiet that came with being alone at the Castle.
He could mourn his father alone. It was just him and Masters Defender. Even Chirithy was away, giving him the space he craved. Terra had wandered off the entire place, every tower, every hall, every corridor. Every flower in The Gardens. It was supposed to be Aqua's Keyblade, but she had given it up to Sora, and Sora returned it to her. At least that was what Riku and Aqua had shared to him.
He stared at Masters Defender, almost six months without use. There really wasn't much he could do, so Terra kept staring. It wasn't rusting, not yet. The candles had gone out again, and Aqua had changed the flowers. There were some drawings made by both Naminé and Xion. He thought about the thousands of Keyblades at The Graveyard, the ones the myths talked about. They never knew if they were symbolic or not. He imagined they weren't. Couldn't be, not with what Ventus had said to him.
Two wars.
Xehanort had wished to bring forth Kingdom Hearts and the ChiBlade, using Ven for it. But Ventus had made it very clear he wasn't talking about twelve years ago but something far older. Ancient. That everything he had left of his own World was Chirithy, his clothes, Skuld and Marluxia. Ancient.
Terra could not begin to imagine how dislocated Ventus truly felt.
A twenty eight years old Light in the body of a sixteen years old boy. Ancient Heart, farther away from this reality as one could be, and being pushed onto it either way, with no choice as to where and why he'd be. Terra couldn't fathom how painful existing like that would be, especially for someone like Ventus, that felt too much and shared very little of what he did felt. Then again, Terra himself was tirthy two in a body of a twenty year old, hosting two sentient beings inside his Heart that weren't even his, not entirely.
His fingers dragged lightly against the copper throne when he got inside again. Terra shook his head, sighed. He had asked Masters Defender many times, had appealed to it's light, to give him some clarity. Some sort of final wish. Watch over them.
Did he need to? Did they needed to be watched over? He could be a Sentinel, sure. Could train himself to be one, he knew how to. Eraqus had teached him, anyhow. But that would mean leaving. That would mean reading the things he had swore Earthshaker upon he wouldn't read.
That would mean taking a mantle that was not only heavy, it was corrupted.
Because it was what Xehanort had been, before he became what they knew him to be. Those whom travel the Worlds. Like Sora had been in their absence, because it had been forced upon him. And now it was Riku's responsibility, somehow. Neither had the correct training for it, and they wouldn't have, because these books were Eraqus' and Xehanort's only. The other Masters had died. YenSid had the control over Magic, yes, and he had trained Mickey. He was a Guardian, not a Sentinel.
Guardians were natural protectors, Sentinels were soldiers.
He didn't want Riku to end up in the same place Sora had been just because he was a master and thought he needed to keep his watch over the Worlds. That he had to do what Sora did because his friend was gone. It was why the Keyblade would always choose two. The more he lingered on that thought, the more Masters Defender's name made sense to him. Whoever had it first had been one of the first Sentinels — Brain, Ven's friend. That was how old he was.
And Eraqus had said it was a family legacy, that he'd have to decide if he would give it to Terra or Aqua. That had rubbed Terra the wrong way, back then. He didn't hate Aqua because of that, not really, he had hated what she represented. A part of him that failed, as always. It was one of the things he didn't want Riku, Naminé or Ven to ever have to deal with. He didn't want the kids he watched over to end up like him in any way.
You're not meant to stay.
Terra walked down the stairs, gained some distance, stared at the throne where Ven had been for twelve years. Breathed in. If he squinted, he could still see Eraqus there, patient and mournful eyes. Could still feel his own darkness breaking out of his skin in smoke and fire. Could see Xehanort's gleefully staring at him. He hadn't noticed it when it happened, way back when.
He had been way too focused on how Eraqus had reacted.
He glared at the throne. He didn't want it. Never did. He didn't even needed it. Everyone kept forcing him onto it, back then, and now they were too afraid to voice that he shouldn't have it. Terra felt the urge to break something and chuckled lowly at himself. Walked over and sit in front of it, head resting on the chair. He sighed. Fingers ran through his hair.
"You did well, son,"
Terra closed his eyes. "Keep lying to yourself, Terra, that'll help you in the long run."
The fingers paused. "Do not blame yourself for what you have no control over."
His fingers twitched. He didn't say anything this time. Simply waited, he knew Aqua would be home anytime soon by now. It was already past four in the morning, and the Mystery Tower would disappear — return to the World it was a part of, and YenSid would return to his life for the day, pretend for his people's sake he was not a Guardian but simply a wizard. Like the Godmother did, and Merlin. The Willow, the Spirits, the Ancestors. Leon, Aerith.
The doors opened. Aqua was wearing a dress, which would've been a funny coincidence if it wasn't that one dress. White, layered and adorned in silver. The only thing missing was the necklace with the onyx and they could almost do a little dance just to complete the joke. Terra was entirely in black, just like he had been back then. And it was his birthday, also. She stopped dead on her tracks.
"Good morning?" Terra offered.
Aqua quickly scanned herself then stared at Terra again, as if waiting for some sort of bad reaction.
"Morning," She murmured. It half echoed through the room. "Where's Ven?"
"Asleep," He hoped it was true. "In Radiant Garden."
Aqua scowled. Terra was almost getting used to dejà vus now. This was a nasty one. Horrible, really. He shouldn't be enjoying that as much as he was, so he snickered and shook his head.
"Don't tell me—"
"Lauriam's house. Yeah."
Aqua closed her eyes, breathed in. Opened them and breathed out. "Okay. And why aren't you sleeping?"
Terra shrugged. "Not particularly sleepy."
She hummed, walked as if trekking through landmines. Terra snorted and Aqua sit beside him.
"You're acting weird again," She mumbled. "You always do when it's the last day of May."
Terra raised an eyebrow at that and chuckled lightly. "Not a good day. I think I told you that the last Month of Lights we had."
Aqua grimaced. "Don't remind me,"
"You're just as pretty as you were back then," He said, then, ready to get his ears pierced by either a shrill scream or Rainfell herself. Gestured vaguely to the dress. "In all whites and silver."
Aqua gave him a deliberately slow blink. "You really need to sleep."
"I cried when I saw you," He giggled. "Master Odin almost had a heart attack. I think my father was either very happy or horrified."
Aqua rolled her eyes. Paused. Frowned. "Don't tell me that's why you were crying in the library... You got to sleep on my room over that!"
Terra grinned. Aqua glared at him. "Seriously?"
He nodded.
Aqua groaned. Shook her head. Huffed the lightest chuckle Terra had heard coming from her. "Liz and Visha fought to put me in white, looking back at, it should have been obvious why. Were you seriously crying over it?"
Terra giggled lightly. "I was. I thought you knew and did it just because." He breathed in. "I was actually trying to get along with you, and you come dressing up as a bride."
Aqua snorted. "I didn't knew," Her eyes narrowed. "Oh, that's why you always joked— Terra."
He turned his head toward her. Aqua was staring at him with quiet anxiety, like something was slowly settling inside her and she didn't knew if she liked it or not. A breath, two. Five. Terra blinked. Forced a smile, and that was about it. He was expecting a worse reaction but it came in waves.
"You're leaving," She murmured. "Why?"
"I'm not," He said just as quietly. "Not yet."
"Yet," Aqua echoed, brows creasing lightly. "Yet?"
He braced for impact.
"Did... What did The Seeker tell Riku?"
Terra raised an eyebrow. "Aqua,"
"Because I'd like to have a nice little talk with that thing, even if I have to rip him out of you myself."
He snorted, rested his head on the chair again. "Aqua."
"No magic, just some nice exchange of words."
He crossed his arms. Sighed. "Aqua," Terra eyed the magic candles in the chandelier above them, their light giving way to the first rays of the sun.
Aqua narrowed her eyes again. "What."
"I'm taking Riku's place," He said, then. "He needs time for research, and you can help him with that. I know the books you're reading, can recite them back to back. He's a kid. He needs—"
"Family," Aqua cut. "He needs his family, Terra. And he's doing everything he can to get them back."
Terra's eyes flickered from the candles to the columns with golden details, light hitting them immediately after. "That's why someone has to take his place. I can come back, it'll just take time."
Aqua's nose wrinkled. "That's the thing. It'll take time."
Terra turned his head slowly towards Aqua again. "I do need to debrief, don't I? We have technology nowadays that our masters didn't." He waved both his hands. "Science!"
Aqua dragged a hand over her face and laughed. "And then what? You go around the Worlds, report back to me. And then... What?"
Terra shrugged again. "Another child gets to rest more."
Aqua lowered her eyes. "You really think this is a good ideia?"
"He saved you, Aqua," Terra blinked. "And we need more Sentinels anyways. I already have the training. I've already succumbed to darkness once, I'm not falling for it over self-doubt again. It's something I know I can do and will help us all."
Aqua crossed her arms. It took her a few seconds, but she smiled. Nodded softly. "Keep your phone charged."
"You say as if I'm going to leave tomorrow," Terra mumbled and got up slowly. "I said I'm not leaving right now, I still need to talk with Ven and most importantly with Riku and YenSid."
Then Aqua got up and pushed him to sit on the throne. Terra blinked. She snorted. "Yeah, Eraqus tried."
"Oh, you thought he was going to put me here?" Terra raised an eyebrow. "Aqua, this was meant for you."
Aqua shook her head lightly. "Not in white."
Terra giggled silently and shook his head. "Maybe in white. It has a different meaning here, anyways."
"Back then you sounded so angsty about it," She smiled and patted his head, fingers easily slipping through the hair. "Was it the necklace?"
Terra grimaced. "The general view, but yeah, the necklace really did it." He stared at the silver ornaments of the dress. "If they were gold I think I'd have slashed past Visha, for sure."
Aqua's laughter filled the room. "Well," She shrugged. "You kind of did it anyways."
Terra crossed his arms. "What? You think what she said made any sense? Love at first sight is a Nuclear World thing, and we're definitely not that far away from the True Sun."
"There's a queen somewhere in the Center Worlds that would agree so much with you," Aqua snorted. "By the way, if you go somewhere with heavy magic flow, please bring me something."
Terra rolled his eyes as he got up from the throne. "Oh, what am I now? Delivery man?"
Aqua sit on the throne and stared at him, mischievous grin, arms and legs crossed. "We should make something before you leave. Parting Celebrations of some sort."
Terra blinked. Paused. Narrowed his eyes. "Gods. You really taking it in, huh? I'm not bringing you anything."
"It's the throne," Aqua blinked innocently. "It's doing things to me."
He shook his head. "Like giving you an ego boost."
"Oh! I know!" Aqua raised a finger then knocked one hand over the other. "I need an heir."
That made Terra wholeheartedly laugh. Dragged a hand over his face, the other resting on his hip, staring at Aqua with equal parts amusement and disbelief. "We have Ven,"
"He's a Ward already," She said with theatrical disappointment, shaking her head and sighing in exasperation. "I shall take Naminé and Kairi instead."
"Don't make them compete for the throne,"
Aqua grin grew. "Wouldn't that be funny."
Terra begun chuckling lightly again. "Right, tyrant. May I leave to my bed chambers?"
"No," Aqua closed her eyes and raised her chin. "Not until you explain yourself, sir."
Terra blinked. "Explain myself?"
"What is it to the last day of May that makes you angsty, Terra," Aqua narrowed her eyes. "I'm not letting you leave until then."
Terra blinked again. And again. He smiled, then sighed. "The sixteenth is your birthday, right?"
Aqua nodded, slow.
"The thirty-first is mine."
She opened her mouth. Closed it. Shifted on the throne and frowned. "Why didn't Eraqus ever said anything?"
He shrugged. "It was the day he found me, I don't think he had fond memories of it." Terra snickered. "Neither did I, so it was better this way."
Aqua lowered her head, mumbled something. It was quiet, then, until Aqua chuckled. "Was it always a bad memory?"
"No," He smiled gently. "Not always. It wasn't bad in the Month of Lights either, and it isn't bad now."
Aqua got up, sudden and determined. Offered Terra a hand, which he took with a confused crease of his brows. She casted something, he wasn't very sure of what, and the rays of the sun begun highlighting the white stones in different colours, soft and graceful. It was almost peaceful. Soothing. The magic dust kept reflecting the sun as it rose further above the clouds, the whites of the stones not as bland as before, and Aqua's hand on his tightened it's hold.
"Happy birthday, Terra," She murmured.
What a callback. Terra huffed softly, turned, kissed her forehead. "May I leave, tyrant?"
Aqua snorted. "Yes, yes. Go to sleep, delivery man."
***
Ventus woke up admist broken stained glasses and for a horrifying moment he thought he was back in the very moment when his Heart was ripped apart. It took him an embarrassing amount of time to calm down and realize this wasn't his Heart, but a physical place. A place he felt familiar with but didn't knew at all. Much like Skuld and Lauriam, in a way. He recognized it immediately, but didn't knew it. It hurt, his fingers tapping broken glass as light as he could.
Took him quite some time to understand he was still in a bed too.
That he knew this bed. He knew how to move around it, knew the see through curtains that kept the light away from the bedframes and the light curtains at the windows. Torn apart, slashed and cut through. He could see the faded drawings in the wall and almost picture the kid on the floor scribbling on it. The window frames were broken, the debris of what would have been a balcony taking half the view and a small part of the room, as if it was forced inside. The air was heavy with magic, dust from the rubble and sea water. The scent of the ocean was both welcoming and terrifying. Close enough Ventus could taste the salt on his tongue. Could hear the waves.
Ventus looked around. He was still wearing the navy blue blouse Marluxia gave him to sleep, was still wearing his black pants, was still bare feet. "Hello?"
The ocean was everything he heard. The sound of the waves hitting stone and concrete. Ventus looked around the room, confused. He remembered this room from somewhere. It didn't made sense, though. This wasn't the Union houses, wasn't the Masters Towers. So what was it. He glanced at the drawings.
Ventus hummed, knelt, stared. There was a drawing of something white and yellow — supposed to be white and yellow, that is — beside something purple and blue. Or black. Ventus didn't really knew. The amount of dust in that place was a bit suffocating. He could almost hear the giggles too, silky soft, around his ears. There was a night stand beside the bed, barely holding up. Ven thought if he made the wrong move around it, the thing would break entirely. The glass cracked around his feet. He walked over to the other side, to the night stand.
It was wood, that much was clear. Very dusty, very broken. He tried to open the drawer without breaking it further, but the moment he put his fingers on it, the thing crumbled to pieces. Oh, well. At least the bed was in better conditions. Something glistened around dusted, broken wood. Ventus crouched, stared, moved his hand, grabbed it. A pendant made with some sort of steel that almost mimicked the design of Lost Memory's teeth.
The sound of the ocean got closer, waves crashing harder. Violently, almost. Ventus could feel something clinging to his skin, sticky and warm and kind of gross. Roaming down his neck, inside his blouse, crawling down his arms. First were the veins turning black, then the goo followed, then... Tendrils.
He had felt that before. When he shot Strelitzia.
Something moved, behind him. Ventus was shaking, breathing hard. The liquid and the tendrils evaded his hand, the one holding the pendant. Oh, this... This was his. He got up fast, and didn't care if the glass would cut his feet, he ran to the broken window frame and jumped. Ventus was breathing hard, still, eyes wide open. He took in the view.
The sea level had reach the first square, waves coming and going. The lighthouse had crumbled. He couldn't see the coast, the piers nor the fishermen small village near the beaches. Beaches which didn't exist anymore. Ventus gasped, pawed at his blouse, pulled. He couldn't breathe. He couldn't breathe.
His eyes snapped to the main bell Tower. It too had fallen. His vision blurred. Ventus pulled at his hair, struggled. Giggled, nervous, walked backwards.
They left, they left, they left, they—
Breath, Light.
They left ME They LEFT me. They're DEAD. They're dead, dead, dead—
Ventus.
He fell to his knees, drooling, hands over his head.
Ventus, breathe.
He looked up for half a second. Destroyed. Everything. His home, his family. There was nothing left, there wasn't—
I'm here.
Ventus shouted over the crashing waves. Something touched his hands and he immediately recoiled. Summoned Lost Memory, pointed. His eyes were wide open, teary, fearful. But he could recognize that coat anywhere. His breath hitched. Grey eyes met his, though it was blurred.
A mouth opened. Ventus was shaken by the tendrils crawling up his skin, and he gasped when he was met with glaring golden eyes instead.
"Breathe," Was instructed.
Ventus tried. Gasped, choked, coughed. Forced his eyes shut. Tried again. Achieved. In, out, a few times. He had seen Brain. He was still there, in the destruction, in the rubble, somewhere down the Towers, somewhere near him. Maybe in Fountain Square. He needed to see it for himself.
"No."
Ventus looked up, slowly. The shadow moved.
"No?" He uttered, shocked.
"No," It repeated. Many, many voices. Voices he knew, of comrades slain, voices he didn't knew.
Ventus' lips quivered. He swallowed. "Why not?"
"It'll break you."
He didn't trust the thing speaking to him. Didn't trust himself to obey either. He had been broken before. This would be nothing compared to what the war and Xehanort did. He had been torn in half already.
"You'll never recover." It said. "Not unless you join back."
Joi—
"Vanitas?" Ventus called.
He searched with his eyes through the broken streets, the fallen houses, the dust and rusted metal and wood. The washed over rubble. The sea level was rising, the tides shifting.
"Vanitas!" He called, louder.
"The name," It snickered, the sound of many voices. It made his skin crawl. "Is yours."
"What are you?" Ventus asked in a hurried whisper.
"What are you?" It shot back slowly.
Ventus felt the ocean on his feet. That was a loaded question. The tides kept rising. He was human. He was a child, he was... A survivor. But that was the question, was it? Ventus closed his eyes.
"Ventus," He called, then, in a whisper.
Something shifted. Reality, the ground, the air. It wasn't subtle, he felt it on his bones. Time magic. Ventus swallowed, eyes closed shut. It shifted again. The ocean crashed over him with full force, and the wave made him trash around, trying to swim.
It's water.
The current rolled him around violently. Made him hit his head over floating rubble a few times. He could feel some cuts opening and blood flowing off of it. He shouted over the current, hopelessly.
It won't drown you if you know how to swim.
Ventus stopped fighting the water. The rubble and the fallen houses of his family and friends floated around him like a mocking sky. Under the water, no one could hear his scream, no one would watch him crumble like these houses, no one would judge him for being angry and sad and frustrated and—
A hand slowly tangled itself on his hair. Ventus' vision was blurred and distorted, like it had been years ago the moment he came out of the lifeboat. But he could see himself, just not the same colour of eyes and hair. Not even Darkness had his eyes. Molten gold and fire met silver blue. He kept forgetting what Vanitas had been before Sora, like he had forgotten what he had been before everything else. A part of him he felt ashamed for, a part of himself he had denied ever since he knew it was there and understood what it was.
"Ventus," Vanitas called with a frown. He looked like Sora again, now.
He pulled Ventus out of the water. Ventus breathed in so hard he choked again, heard Vanitas say something like a curse, then scowl at him with crossed arms. Ventus coughed a few times and giggled when his body collapsed on the shore. There was a windmill somewhere and seagulls, he was almost sure. His vision was still a mess, his body was covered in new cuts that would have to keep bleeding since he was not using any magic near Vanitas any time soon. Darkness takes. Vanitas took him to a pier, carried him all the way up. He looked around. Cobblestone, white concrete walls, copper and golden details around the main streets.
"Where are we?" Ventus breathed out, tired.
Vanitas snarled. "Where you shouldn't be."
"Where?" He asked again.
Vanitas sighed, crouched beside him. Pulled him to sit by the arms. Dragged him by the lightly colored wood to the main street. All the way, Ventus giggled and hummed. It was a beautiful place, even if he couldn't see much beside white, gold, blue and big squares passing by. Being dragged like that was kind of fun. The place was a bit convoluted, in a way, it was almost as if the whole place was narrowing as it went up. There was some sort of Castle above them, and he figured there were other islands like the one they ended up on, as he could see mountain stylized cities all around them, but very small ones. Some lines connected them, and Ventus thought it almost looked like the Stairs in the Station.
His eyes were horrible because of the sea water.
"Hey," He mumbled as Vanitas dragged him around. "If you could choose your own name... What would you want to be called?"
"I already have a name, Ventus," Vanitas said, exasperated.
"If you could choose."
He was left to fall and chuckled when his head hit the ground lightly and he saw the grimace Vanitas gave him.
"I have no idea," Vanitas mumbled. "Why this now?"
"Because it was Xehanort that named you," Ventus clarified. "But you're... Older... Than him?"
Something flickered inside his eyes and Vanitas sit down, squinting at Ventus. "Me, personally?"
"Yeah. Not me, not Darkness. You."
"I'm you, dumbass."
"What if you weren't," Ventus gestured vaguely. "What if you had your own Heart. What then? What would you want to be called?"
Vanitas face went from a tired but confused expression to being the perfect mask of neutrality. But his eyes softened, the red became less a sign of fury and more of a bright sunset kind of colour.
"I'm you, Ventus," He said again, quieter, less angry. "If I could choose, I wouldn't want to be anyone else."
Ventus hummed. It felt strangely reassuring. Comforting. Odd, in a way, that his own negativity was more accepting of him than himself. That Vanitas wanted him as much as he wanted Vanitas and simply accepted this too. What Ventus couldn't bring himself to. Even if he wanted it desperately. He said it so easily, too, like breathing was. A fact and not a need. Just... There. And Ventus didn't knew what to do with it. With any of it, really.
"Even if you had your own Heart? Your own balance?"
Vanitas raised an eyebrow. "Then I wouldn't be you, would I."
Ventus snorted. "Exactly. If you weren't me or Darkness. What would you want to be called?"
Vanitas grimaced again. "Why? Are you really planning to learn every name I could possibly have?"
"I was going to be called Riven if I was a girl," Ventus said. "Dad really wanted a girl. Guess it's fitting, I got to be Riven either way."
"Broken," Vanitas snickered. "Pretty name, I'll give you that. And now you're called... Air. Really weird family names."
"Technically you're also called Air, you're also me."
Vanitas slid a few fingers over Ventus' hair. "No, I'm you by Heart, not name. Doesn't matter what They say about it. And it means Pointlessness, not Air."
"Also means Pride," Ventus argued. "And isn't that fitting?" He smiled. "And," He added. "If we're together, doesn't it sound kind of ominous? Living is Pointless."
Vanitas raised his eyebrows at him in disbelief and chuckled. "That's how you wanna translate it?"
"Well, you need air to live," Ventus shrugged. "And if you ain't breathing, then... Well. You're not really alive, now, are you? Stop avoiding my question."
Vanitas shook his head in bewilderment. "Cease to Breathe, Ventus. But yes, Living is kind of pointless." He wandered a bit closer. "I already answered it, didn't I? You need more confirmation?"
"I need you," Ventus glared at the beautiful night sky. "To actually answer it."
"I never thought about it," Vanitas shrugged. "I don't know many names either."
"Oh?" Ventus chuckled. "Being half Darkness doesn't give you that knowledge?"
"Being half you doesn't." Vanitas scowled. "And They don't bother with names. Only very specific ones."
"... Like?"
Vanitas grinned down at him. "Wouldn't you like to know, Ventus."
That... Made his heart feel funny. He wondered if Vanitas felt it, since he had the connection — it was Ventus that didn't, really. Wondered when did Darkness chose him as a vessel, if it was just a passing thing for Them or if it had a purpose since it had been before... Everything else.
"Emrys." He blurted out without thinking and forced his face to stay put and not grimace at his own impulsive reaction.
Vanitas paused. Tilted his head, still grinning. He understood immediately, Ventus knew, but then... "Hm?"
"If you're not choosing for yourself, I will." Ventus slowly got himself to sit up. He really needed to dry his clothes. "So I'm choosing something pretty for you."
They were sitting side by side now.
Vanitas chuckled and rolled his eyes. He patted Ven's cheek. "This place really does something to those who follow the Light, huh." He snorted. "Immortal? I can die, Ventus."
"Can you? I mean, Sora tried real hard."
"Not hard enough."
"Huh?"
Vanitas breathed out. "I am part Darkness, but not entirely." He absently pulled Ventus' wrist and held it with enough force to bruise. "I have a weakness."
Ventus grimaced. "One or many?"
"Are you multiple?"
Ventus paused. Swallowed. Giggled. "I'm you, so,"
"Hah." Vanitas stared at the windmill on one of the islands. "You're not me, you have your... Own... Things." He frowned. "You get to live by your own, too, and not— You're not me."
Ventus took a deep breath, stared at his wrist. "I wouldn't mind sharing."
Vanitas closed his eyes and sighed. "Really? After twelve years?" It wasn't a question, not by the way he said it so flatly.
"You forced my hand to push you away," Ventus hissed.
"Ah-ah," Vanitas let go of his wrist. "Xehanort did. I was desperate, back then, to have you back. It didn't really matter how, and forging the ChiBlade was the easy route. And They wanted you back too, so it kind of aligned with his path."
Ventus pursed his lips. "And now that I am, you made peace with it."
Vanitas' lips twitched up. "You're not. You're a spoiled brat, is all. Oh no, Sora's gone, I need to be whole some other way now."
It was said with so much venom Ventus felt as if Vanitas had pierced him with Void Gear and twisted it. He took one shaky breath. Reluctant fingers tapped Vanitas' forearm. Somewhere between getting Ventus out of the ocean and dragging him around the city, he had taken his coat off. Ventus traced one of the scarred runes on his forearm. Vanitas didn't push him off.
"Is that really what you think I'm doing?" Ventus whispered.
"Isn't it?" Was said so bitterly Ventus almost tasted it.
Ventus lowered his eyes. Bit his lip. "It's not. I've been myself for just six months now. And I'm not really myself yet, am I?"
He traced another rune. Vanitas tensed, then relaxed, breathed in. "Aren't you?"
It was such a quiet question, but such a heavy one.
"I'm not," He mumbled.
The windmills were the loudest thing there, then. The sky twinkled with stars. Each star brigther than it had been around Land Of Departure, or Twilight Town, or any other World Ventus had ever visit. It was quiet, deadly so, the air paused in a way a ghost town would be. Then Vanitas shuddered. Ventus kept tracing the runes, some he knew, some he didn't.
"Did you made them on your own?" He asked, voice still barely above a whisper.
"I made them when I found you," Vanitas grumbled. "I wasn't allowed around Castle Oblivion for very obvious reasons. But went there anyways. Kept talking to you." He gestured vaguely to something above them. "Stars," He sighed. "I was angry. Xehanort — the one with hair — got me out of Sora at that Gods be damned cathedral and you... Were still sleeping. That was when I realized I was you, but you weren't me."
Ventus snorted at the commentary about Xehanort, then he sucked a sharp breath. "So you did this... Because you were angry?"
"Self loathing," Vanitas corrected. "You weren't there and the others... Didn't care as long as I was doing my duties, so. It also helped summoning Them back easier."
"You could... Could have," Ventus swallowed hard. He knew this would sound bad. "Spoken to him. He'd understand. You fought him instead."
"Traveling through doors is fun," Vanitas shrugged. "And I felt you... Fighting back, still."
"I was scared."
Vanitas glared at the sky. "Have you ever thought—" He breathed in, shook his head. "Doesn't matter. Xehanort was right, Gods Above. This World really does something to people."
"You can tell me," Ventus murmured. "I'm not gonna go around telling people my other half has feelings, you know."
"I'm the part of you that feels the most," Vanitas turned to him. "You never wondered that... If you felt all of that, is why I have the Unversed in the first place? You get to hide things, I don't."
Ventus moved a little closer. "Because you don't need to. If I did all I wanted, I'd be considered worse than Xehanort ever was."
"A Worlds threat?" Vanitas raised an eyebrow. "Poor, hopeless Venty?"
Ventus wrinkled his nose. "You tell me."
Vanitas snickered. "You're threatening alright." He passed a finger on Ventus' palm. "To my patience."
Ventus closed his eyes to the touch. "You have that?"
Vanitas sighed, loud and obnoxious. It was quiet again, until Ventus moved a bit.
"Hey," He whispered. "I'm... Sorry, for all the Unversed."
Vanitas' lips twitched a bit, as if he couldn't decide if the apology made him happy or annoyed. "Are you?"
"You looked so..." He paused. Pretty. "You looked in pain. So, yeah. I'm sorry for that."
"Oh, so you do have a brain," Vanitas said flatly. "And you kept going anyway."
"I, uh," Ventus felt heat rising to his cheeks. "Okay. Yeah. Sorry about that too."
Vanitas stared at him for a moment. Then he snorted. "You're definitely not. Not about that, at least. I put them in Corona, if that's why you're asking. They're not gonna harm anyone and will fade around animals."
Cure was casted over him, and it made him blink a few times. Then some sort of warmth spread through him, it made his clothes dry immediately. "So they're really not bad?"
"Not everything I feel is bad," Vanitas mumbled.
"But you made them because I was..." Ventus trailed off. Bit his lip. "You know. I guess they were embarrassment?"
"Different from you, Venty, I don't get embarrassed that easily," Vanitas grinned. "They were Joy. Happy now?"
"So you... Liked it."
Vanitas raised an eyebrow. "They were there before,"
"But you made more and you weren't in pain, so," Ventus breathed in, searched over golden eyes. "Please do tell me I'm wrong, though. Would love to hear it."
"Of course you would," Vanitas blinked. He got up, pulled Ventus up with him. "Let's get out of here before you start crying."
Ventus blinked a few times. "So all the babysitting and brotherly talk was just that, huh?" He narrowed his eyes. "Can't stand a few tears?"
That earned him a slap on the side of the head. "Concentration, brat."
"No, no," Ventus giggled. "What will you do if I cry now? Punch me? I'll just cry more."
Vanitas blinked deliberately slow. "Lauriam is waking up, you dumbass. This ain't a dream."
Ventus opened his mouth. Closed it. Opened again. "Then why am I here?"
"Because you're really stupid," Vanitas scowled. "And I shouldn't have fed you a World's Core Light twice, that's kind of on me."
The floor became jelly, and instinctively Ventus reached forward to hold something. It was dark, so sudden that it gave him whiplash, made his stomach sink. He ended up falling from the bed, dragging Lauriam with him.
Notes:
Yes the queen in question is Elsa (i love frozen man what a silly franchise)
Yes they were at Scala Ad Caelum!!
By the way: Nuclear Worlds are the old Disney stuff plus Renaissance, Center Worlds are KH-Disney worlds, Outer Worlds are FF related/adjacent worlds and Scala/Daybreak
Chapter 17: Heavy is the Crown
Summary:
Terra decides to share with Aqua what he shared with Ventus and Eraqus.
Notes:
so I was writing this chapter listening to "Those Chosen By The Planet" from FFVII Remake and the Xemnas-Terra thing got a tad bit out of control, then I went and listened to "Submersive" (yes the whole album) by Colossal Trailer Music to write the rest of the chapter and........ Oh boy. Enjoy the HEAVY FF adjacent things, I guess?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It began slow, as always. The fire, the smoke, the dust. It always began that way. With red and black. It changed, then. It wasn't sudden, wasn't forced. Was as if going backwards in time, the Palace slowly rebuilding itself, fire subdued to nothing more than small flames to nothing at all. Rubble became walls, statues, stairs. Smoke became banners, holders, carpets. Broken glass became windows, ornaments, chandeliers. It happened slowly, the release returning to creation once more.
Terra found himself atop the stairs. There was a woman at the court hall, waiting. Long and gray brown hair, blue eyes, dressed in a golden dress with embroided black and red symbols. Her gloves were the same see through light fabric her cape was. She smiled at him and suddenly she was all there was in the world. Her age was apparent, but she still looked as pretty as the day Terra had been found. The last time he had seen her, her clothes had been ragged, torn, her hair had been cut, she had been bathed in blood and dust. He wanted to hug her, wanted to—
Behave, The Seeker spoke, then. And wait.
Terra paused, two steps in. The woman tilted her head, her smile went from soft to playful.
"Are you afraid, my love?"
That voice. The same voice Xemnas plagued him with, inside his Heart. That woman... He used to only remember her screams. Mother.
"Don't be," She said then, still smiling, and chuckled. "Your father will come soon. The nobles aren't that scary, now, are they?"
Terra found himself grimacing. Nobles weren't scary, no, they were annoying. Even in the other Worlds, nobility was always a granted kind of thing, never a given one. He'd have to prove himself worthy of his title soon enough, like his father before him. That is, if Eraqus hadn't taken him to Land of Departure.
He came downstairs, then, as The Seeker didn't say anything else. Her gloved hands found his hair, then her hands cupped his cheeks. Her forehead joined his and they both sighed.
"You've grown so much, dear," Her voice was softly fading, as was her figure. "Please do return home at least once before you die."
Terra could only nod. He didn't knew if he'd have the strength to speak with a ghost. Her ghost. He tried, anyway. If The Seeker gave him this vision, if Xemnas wasn't here yet, he had to take his chances.
"I'm... Not whom I used to be," He murmured. "I've changed, mother. I— I have so many responsibilities now, I don't..." He opened his eyes as she took a step back. "I never thought I could return."
"Duty calls, my love," She said lightly, as if he hadn't just tore his heart open by just speaking to her. "You do not need to push aside a part of you to find another." Her hands let go of his face and took his hands instead. "Trust yourself more, Terra. Your will is a gift, not a curse. Do not take it as disposable. What you have here and what you have now do not need to be apart."
"But they cannot coexist," Terra moved away gently. "They never have. I had to hide this," He lightly gestured to the banners. "In order to have what I have now. The man that raised me thought it dangerous to expose whom I was."
His mother nodded softly, smoke slowly coming out of her clothes, some cuts tearing the fabric around her arms and blood moving as if being gently painted on her skin right after. "It might have been, before. But is it now? You are loved, Terra, never forget that. You will always have a place here, as you have a place where you are."
"It's been so long, mother," He murmured. "I don't think they'll recognize me."
Her smile wrinkled the sides of her eyes. Blood slowly came out of her nose and mouth. "But they do, Terra. The Kingdom remembers. We will always do, even if you were forced to forget."
Terra blinked a few times, fast, as smoke grew around them. She chuckled, and the sound was broken and tired. "Oh, my beautiful son... Your father is coming soon. You grew to look just like him."
Terra closed the gap, hugged her until she became dust. It happened too soon, too fast. The moment dust settled against his clothes, the Palace crumbled. He let it happen, did not panicked like the first times. Nothing would hit him, anyways. He could taste blood and bile against his tongue, but neither came up. Fire lick the entire place, and for a moment Terra forgot how to breathe, forgot this was a dream.
Steps. Not the fast ones of the guards, not the screams of his mother. Calm steps, calm but purposeful, and Terra looked up to greet Xemnas as the world froze in mid destruction.
"Ready to apologize?" Terra snapped.
Xemnas tilted his head slightly, eyes going from brown to dull yellow. "You seem to believe I have something to apologize for, but there is nothing."
Terra snarled. "Isa."
Xemnas blinked, lips twitching as if fighting a smile. "Why would I apologize for his whims?"
"For using him," Terra narrowed his eyes. "For using me to use him."
Xemnas lowered his eyes, contemplating, still holding the ghost of a smile on his lips. "A tool is to be used, Terra, or have you forgotten what you did to that poor girl in the Willow Forests?"
Terra glared, fingers twitching, Earthshaker begging to be summoned. "That was different." He spat.
Xemnas' smile grew a mere inch. "Do tell me how so." Another inch. "I've only used what your mind remembered and passed down to me. How is that any different from the Willow Forests, or the Castle, afterwards?"
Terra breathed in, slowly, not taking his eyes away from his Other for one second. "She was reckless, you know that. I had to put an end to it. Isa wasn't, and it was different with Aqua, you don't get to say a word about that."
Xemnas' eyes narrowed for a second. "Take your accountability and I will take mine."
Terra snorted, shook his head. Bit his lip, crossed his arms. "I had to take it for you. For Ansem. For Xehanort. You don't get to say my name, you don't get to charge me for mistakes I've committed when I was barely out of age, and you will get yourself out of my head and speak with him."
"Speak," Xemnas repeated, amused. "Or take accusations?"
"Whatever he throws at you," Terra breathed out. "I don't care for how it goes. If you really are a part of me, you'll do that."
"Eventually," Xemnas agreed. "You do understand Visha would not have gone through with the attempt if you hadn't explicitly said No, yes?"
Terra blinked. Oh. He— His memories. Xemnas was inside his Heart, of course he'd get to see them.
Terra swallowed. Breathed in again, a shaky, small thing. "Stop."
Xemnas chuckled. "Do you consider the judgement, disfigurement and murder of a seventeen years old to be the path of the Light?"
Terra breathed in and out with very few gaps between the inhale and exhale. Didn't answer. Ansem wasn't breathing down his neck this time, taking rage as it build up. This was a test. He was falling for it and failing miserably.
"Weren't you methodical about it, Terra?" Xemnas took a few steps forward. "It is a learned behaviour, you see. It was a part of you Eraqus could not take. Your will is a gift, not a curse. But how you wield it..."
"Stop speaking," Terra snarled.
Xemnas hummed, reached, touched his face. "I only did what you learned. Do you wish me to apologize for Isa's sake or yours?"
"His," Terra said immediately, frowning. "I have nothing to do with what you did to him, but you're a part of me, so."
Xemnas' light touch became firmer, hand slowly dragging to his neck. "Denial does not suit you."
"But casual abuse of authority and murder does." Terra stared at Xemnas through half lidded eyes. "You will get up there and listen, if you can't bring yourself not to be a coward."
Xemnas blinked deliberately slow. "Of course. Do you wish me to attend all your necessities above, as well?"
Terra huffed lightly. "He was so right," He found himself smiling. "The ego really came from me."
Xemnas pulled at his hair tight enough Terra knew he'd wake up with a headache, made his head tilt a little. "Confidence and Pride suits both our positions."
"Sure thing, Superior," Terra mumbled. "You implying I'd be taking my advisors to bed?"
Something shifted in the air, between them, in the way Xemnas held him by the hair, in the way Xemnas stared at him. He knew bewilderment when he saw it, but this wasn't it. Not entirely.
There was a hint of it there, sure, but it wasn't all of it. Most of it was the way Eraqus would stare at him when he did something right by chance, when he summoned Earthshaker the first time, when he made his first blade, when he wore the golden jewelry of his family the first time, when he came back from his first mission as leader. Terra would always lower his eyes and smile when Eraqus stared at him like that.
Pride. Xemnas was proud of him. Of his answer.
"No, My Liege," Xemnas said, the amusement clear on his tone. "But that you would murder them."
Terra closed his eyes. "Visha wasn't—"
"Aqua is."
A pause. Heavy, long one. Terra wasn't sure why the way Xemnas spoke about Aqua made him want to grip his own hair and pull in genuine distress. It was bad enough already when Eraqus did it, he didn't knew his own Gods be dammed Other to do that as well. Aqua was a reminder and Xemnas really liked rubbing that over his face.
"I wouldn't hurt her."
"Haven't you, already?"
Terra swallowed. That was true. Basic, actual facts.
Xemnas lowered his eyes in contemplation again, pulled absently at Terra's hair. "It still rings true, what I have said. Denial does not suit you, nor does it suits The Seeker and I. It is simply not a part of what we are, what we were made for." He let go, hand resting on Terra's shoulder. "You would do both, though you'd have more advisors than I ever did."
Terra snickered. He didn't answer, again. There was nothing he could say that would change how Xemnas viewed him, and the same went from Terra to Xemnas. They'd never really see eye to eye. And he wasn't wrong either, which. Well. Would be a problem for future Terra. Present Terra was too busy waking up, eyes blinking and ears taking in the sounds around him. It scared him just how accurately Xemnas was able to understand things about him even if he didn't had most of Terra's memories.
A knock on his door made Terra grumble and finally get up. Aqua raised an eyebrow at him when he gave her a frown, eyes squinting so much they were barely open. Was the Castle always this bright? His head hurt with any and every sound, his movements were a bit off to some degree and his eyes were more sensitive than they would normally be.
She pushed the door and welcomed herself in. "Did you drink?"
"I don't drink," Terra grimaced as he closed the door. "Not since the wedding."
Aqua snorted at the memory, taking a place at his bed. "Anyway, I went to Radient Garden. Riku's back at Destiny Islands. Ienzo gave me some data about Ven's Heart..." She trailed off when she noticed Terra's eyes were closing on their own. "Earth to Terra."
He blinked but his eyes fought to stay squinted. "I'm awake, Aqua. Ven's Heart."
She stared at him, unfazed. "Uhum, I can see that. The overflow of darkness stops after a while, he doesn't know why, it peaks, shifts inside the Station, stops." She waved around. "I'm trying not to worry so much, since... Well, you said you spoke to him. And we forced way too much on him already. But I wanted to understand this before going to him."
Terra dragged himself to sit on the floor, blinking sleepily. "Understand what?"
"How you're dealing with... Xemnas and The Seeker."
Terra gave her a small smile. "Aqua,"
"Last time Xemnas got to speak through you... Gods. Anyway, he said you were trying to reason with yourself because of me." Aqua narrowed her eyes. "And The Seeker said that Ven's Heart was repressing something. So."
Terra chuckled lightly, breathy. "Ansem gives me odd dreams and Xemnas gives me headaches. That's how I'm dealing with them." He tapped the floor with his nails. "We don't see eye to eye."
"Of course not," Aqua rolled her eyes. "They're half that creep, still."
Terra made a light amused noise, not really a chuckle but almost one. "Doesn't mean they're not half me." He sighed, scratching his head. "Ven's thing is different. I get to speak with them and sure, I'm affected, but it doesn't make me feel empty if I just ignore them either."
Aqua frowned, stood quiet for a moment, blue eyes scanning Terra for a lie the way she used to do when they were younger. "That's what he said?"
Terra nodded lightly. "He feels hollow, Aqua. Whatever it is his Station made in order to make him walk around awake again, it's not what he needs." He propped his head on the door. "It's improvised, borrowed even, but not really his."
She lowered her head and let her fingers fidget with the sheets for a long moment before she spoke again, softer. "I'm scared for him."
"So am I," Terra mumbled. "But it's his Heart, he's the one that gets to decide over that, not us."
"Is it cruel not to trust his decision?" Aqua whispered. "I wouldn't trust myself at sixteen if I got my Heart split that age."
"I wouldn't trust you at sixteen, period," Terra snorted. "I might have been horrible at reading the room but you're were so straightforward you'd cut off a hand to prove a point."
Aqua shook her head, feigning disapproval. "You think I'd be worse than Vanitas."
"I know you'd be, there's a difference," Terra giggled. "I mean. Chirithy gave me a confirmation of something similar, a few weeks ago."
"Similar?"
"I'm not split," Terra raised a finger. "But that makes me a lot more dangerous, apparently. And Ven... He lost everything, he doesn't understand his own pain. I think we should... Uh." He cringed, brought his knees up and hid his face. "Provide for him. Like, be a real family. And that includes everyone."
He really didn't want to see Aqua's reaction at what he said. Xemnas really did mess his head. He heard movement around him, then beside him.
"Didn't you say you were leaving?" She murmured.
"You said that, I said I'm taking Riku's place as a Sentinel." Terra shook his head, snickering. "But I really think he needs something substantial that is at least on par with what he lost."
Aqua nodded slowly, staring at him with a guarded expression. "Okay, I think we can do that, sure." Her had tilted slightly. "I mean, we're technically a family already, that would just make it official."
Terra grimaced. "You know I'm the brother, right?"
Aqua blinked. "What are you implying, mister?"
Terra held back his laughter. "Genetics. If he ever asks for more siblings, I mean. Would they come with purple hair? Cause Marluxia—"
That earned him a hard, hard slap on the ear. Terra fell sideways, giggling. "Sorry, sorry!" She kept hitting him. Terra laughed, hard. "Sorry! Ow! Aqua, Aqua! You're gonna make me deaf like that."
"You take that back!" She wrinkled her nose as she got on top of him. "Now."
Terra huffed the last of his giggles. Hit his head on the floor lightly. Breathed in, shoulders still shaking. "I take it back. I really hope you're not as aggressive with Ventus."
"I'm never aggressive with Ven," Aqua grinned at him. "He never did anything wrong so he doesn't get to see this."
"Oh, so," Terra raised an eyebrow. "It's a Terra thing. Wow. I'm honored."
"It's been a Terra thing since we met." Aqua said matter of factly. "You really do piss me off sometimes."
"Sometimes?" Terra snickered and got to sit. He breathed in, a bit more serious. "And since we're already having this conversation..."
Aqua tilted her head and obliged when Terra motioned for her to get up. He opened his wardrobe, moved some clothes away. Stared at the door behind it. Slowly glanced back at Aqua.
Her face was carefully neutral, but there was the flicker of recognition inside her eyes and it made him a bit anxious. But then again, if he didn't do this now, he'd never do it. And Terra needed to prove Xemnas a point. He wanted to make the ghost of his mother proud as well. So, he opened the door, just as he did for Ventus, and let Aqua in.
***
Flashbacks weren't something new for Aqua. Each and every time Lea and Isa spoke about their time in the Organization she'd recall her conversation with Ansem The Wise at Dark Beach. Would remember going back and forth between slumbering Worlds. But this... This was different. She was reminded of the first time she got to set foot on the masters chambers, a mission given by old master Odin. Set light remembrance spells over his bedframe and night stand. She never knew why he asked about it.
Seeing how Terra hid the maps, the books, the shrine, just as Eraqus had hidden the portraits, the jewelry, the scriptures, the clothes... It made her feel oddly guilty. She knew it wasn't her fault personally, but the feeling was still there. It was such a small place as well, not as grand as Eraqus' quarters.
The shrine was made of oak, carefully sculpted so the flames of a enchanted candle would shine through the lines that were meant to represent the crest she saw on some of Terra's jewelry — the sun and moon conjoined being pierced by a great sword. There were some clothes there too, but mostly books and a huge map behind the shrine. The Oceans Between, Aqua knew, but not the part of it she had been allowed to know. Outer Worlds.
"You were really busy, huh," She mumbled, eyes glued to the map, where Eraqus' handwriting was. "So... That's where you were born?"
"That's the World, yeah," Terra sit. "We're a hundred and ten worlds from it. Three years if traveling by summoning the glider. A year and a half by ship."
Aqua breathed in and tried to suppress her shock, fingers lightly traveling by the wood of the shrine. "How old were you?"
"Eight," Terra closed his eyes. "Whisper made it easier. Took a few months. Eraqus said it was about nine months' worth of traveling, but I don't know."
She hummed. "That's still a lot."
"It is," He chuckled. "It's closer to the True Sun, very misaligned with what we know to be Light and Shadow."
"Like Aerith's World." Aqua sit beside him. "That's... Interesting, really. So, about the Palace..."
Terra snorted. "You're taking this better than Ventus did."
Aqua raised an eyebrow at him. "I was raised to know how to regulate."
Terra opened his eyes and stared at the candle inside the shrine. "And that's why you're the better half of us three. See? Throne's all yours."
Aqua shook her head lightly. "You give up so easily. Lord of the Land of Departure. That would be a fun title."
Terra turned to her with a weak smile. "Eraqus never raised me to be Lord of this, he wanted me to be the Ward, it was old Odin who wanted me to be Lord."
That made her blink a few times. Master Eraqus had always shown to be for the idea of Terra as his heir. And Terra had always been somewhat against it. Everyone would agree to that, at least. That it had been agreed between them that he'd be the Ward of the Castle instead was so different from what he seemed to train Terra it almost made her laugh. If Eraqus wanted Terra to be the Ward, why ban him from Spell Casting classes? Why not send him to YenSid when he had the chance and let the wizard train him instead? Because of the Curse, her mind whispered. Because Eraqus cursed his own son.
His smile grew a bit. "And I was a Lord when he rescued me, it would be a bit redundant to make me something I already was."
Aqua leaned in. "How was it? Before he rescued you. Do you remember anything?"
Terra sighed, shifted, eyes back at the flame. "I remember my mom. The maid servants, the libraries. The prayers, the Temple beside home. My room. The summer Palace. Not anything really important."
"Hey," Aqua frowned. "Mothers are important. Very. The people that helped her raise you are just as important." Her eyes followed the map to the clothes around the room. Some of them she had never laid eyes on, some he wore when they met. "You remember tradition, at least."
"Yeah, that," Terra wrinkled his nose a little. Pouted. "Did me more harm than good. Authority loyal."
"You think that's bad?" Aqua snorted.
"No," His lips twitched. "I'm tied to a tyrant now, but no. It's not really that bad."
Aqua chuckled and shook her head. Stared at the shrine again, eyes landing on the carved scriptures. "Which deity is the candle for?"
Terra was quiet. Very quiet. The flame died before it grew stronger, illuminating the whole room.
"I would ask you to take a guess," Terra gestured vaguely at the shrine. "But I already hid a lot of things since we met, so I guess this is only fair. It's Bahamut, The Hallowed Father, First Sire and patron deity of the Sun Houses."
Aqua took a deep breath. Interesting. Very interesting. She knew the myths around the Gods, remembered how the kids had reacted the first time old Odin brought up his name had been given to him because of a God, because his mother had been a devout but he himself did not believed them.
Myths. She wondered how wounded Terra would have been back then to see what he took very serious as a child to be treated as nothing more than stories to explain magic systems and stargazers. Eraqus himself wasn't a religious person, but he gave all of this to Terra so he would keep a connection to his old home... That had to hurt.
It just had to. Maybe it was why he sympathized so much with Aerith and Leon whenever they brought their summons up.
She nodded, taking his hand. Bahamut wasn't talked about at Spell Casting classes at all. The only ever mention of Bahamut she got was a stolen glance at YenSid's old books of spells — one of which Donald had learned and had been banned from using. Fire, Fira and Firaga were fine. Flare? That was one big no-no. Flare wasn't elemental, it was pure magic, volatile and polluted by intention. Unfiltered.
"Let me guess," Terra mumbled, amused. "No idea what he represents."
Aqua sighed. "Old Odin was good at hiding. So is YenSid. Go ahead, delivery man, my Lord. Explain."
Terra snickered but his eyes had a different kind of glow inside them, one Aqua had never saw. It was pretty in a oddly raw way.
When he spoke, it was with the same reverence Aqua herself would use when talking about Eraqus, if not more than that. Not just respect, not just love.
"King of Draconic Magic, he gives understanding of the Worlds Beyond and the skies for whoever gets to get his attention for long enough for him to explain these things." He turned his eyes away from the shrine and eyed the ceiling. "Mom used to say if you prayed hard enough he'd get so annoyed Flare would be given to you so you'd stop praying and do your duties as a human."
Aqua giggled. "Did that ever happened?"
"No," He smiled, fondly. "But the Gods did gave us signs they were listening. Not always good signs, but signs anyways."
"I'm sorry," She whispered. "That you couldn't do that here. That you had to hide that part of you."
Terra hummed. Turned to her. Blinked. The flames went out. They were inside his eyes. "Ever thought that maybe that's how Ven feels whevener we cut him from using darkness as a controlled weapon?"
Aqua swallowed. She didn't knew if she wanted to answer that. It went against everything she had learned all these years. Went against everything she went through in the Realm of Darkness.
Terra lowered his eyes, but the flames were still there, reflecting inside blue. "I need Bahamut's strength as much as he needs his own darkness."
Aqua fought a grimace, but still didn't say anything. Shook her head no ever so slightly. This side of Terra was new, very much so. He carried a different kind of strength, some sort of quiet resilience. It was as serene as it was imposing. Not like a Lord, not as a Ward, definitely not as a Sentinel.
Terra would be terrifying in any position of power, the thought landed hard and heavy on her head. Maybe Eraqus saw that when Terra summoned Earthshaker the first time.
Maybe he saw that when he had to take Terra away and hide him because of his outbursts. Maybe Xemnas had this as well and it was why no one opposed him directly.
"Terra," She whispered, just to ground herself.
"We can't decide for him, Aqua," His eyes met hers. "But we can help him find his own path with it."
Notes:
I promise Aqua is one of my faves this is why I like to make her suffer a bit before making her accept things
Chapter 18: Hand Of God, Blood Of Men
Notes:
I did say that Aqua is one of my faves didn't I?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
The first thing Ventus thought was of the broken glass, white stones, runes carved on a flesh canvas. Then, his Heart. Then Darkness. Finally, he thought of where he was, with whom he was. Marluxia groaned, mumbled something and pulled Ventus closer, even on the floor. Not that Ventus cared that they had just fallen, no, but he thought that Marluxia would. Something moved behind him.
Ventus swallowed. He could smell it, caramel and lemonade. Ienzo had said something on his strange nightmare, didn't he? That it was unusual for anything darkness related to not smell entirely citric. Sure it was always a combo of something that was true to their core, but... Well, nightmare Ienzo had said it was unusual. Vanitas' blood tasted like almost like sugar. Sweet, inviting, hard to let go. Maybe it was something about Ventus that was really odd and not about darkness itself.
"Nightmare?" Marluxia mumbled. "Wanna get up?"
"Nightmare," Ventus agreed softly and shook his head no.
He knew there was something on the bed. Maybe a small shadow Heartless, maybe a very small Unversed. He didn't knew, but he trusted his guts on that one. Vanitas wouldn't help him just to help. So he just moved closer, snuggled against Marluxia and tried to ignore the eyes glaring at him. Marluxia let out a soft and low chuckle, but he was tense. Strangely so. Ventus didn't want to open his eyes, but he forced himself to. The ceiling. There was something on the ceiling. He closed his eyes shut again. If he ignored, he could go back to sleep.
"Ven," Marluxia whispered. "I need to get up, it'll be quick."
Ventus felt his throat suddenly dry up. He hummed, nodded, tried to act as normal as he could and slowly got up to sit. It wasn't as if he had just taken a bath in the unknown ocean at a World he definitely shouldn't have been with his other half.
Marluxia didn't move, not immediately. His eyes were focused on the ceiling and he was staring with a intensity Ventus had only seen on Brain when he was focused on his projects. But this was worse.
"Lauriam?" He called, worried.
But Marluxia's eyes never left the ceiling. And he didn't got up. After what felt like eternity, the tension snapped instead of dissipating, and it was so sudden Ventus jumped over to the bed. Marluxia got up with a snarl, scythe being summoned at his hand. The steel was shining with barely concealed magic. Something moved around the edges of the room.
Ventus breathed in at the same time Marluxia breathed out. It moved again. Ventus felt his ring sting, and immediately looked down. He wasn't feeling any particular kind of intense emotion now, so why would it activate? He wasn't feeding Them.
Something jumped, Marluxia cut it before it could even form outside the shadows. It made a strangled noise and died with a hiss. Ventus breathed out. Marluxia breathed in. The shadows moved again. Slowly, Marluxia barely raised his hand and something like blood red vines crawled from his shadow to the edges of the room. Something snapped. Another hiss. And another. Each made Ventus flinch on the bed. A thought passed his mind.
He did this to Sora too.
Ventus focused. His ring stung again. Another hiss.
"Lauriam," He called in a whisper.
But Marluxia didn't stop. He barely moved, but each move was deadly. The vines, the scythe. It moved, the scythe, edge shining, almost a full slice.
"Lauriam!" Ventus moved so fast over the bed he might have been sliding over it instead. "Wait!"
It paused before the blow, when someone moved inside the shadows. A low chuckle was followed by a growl. Marluxia moved, a step. Two. Ventus got out the bed. He walked over to the far edge of the room, eyes sharp, hands shaky, breath caught on his throat. He stepped inside, Unversed greeting him with scared whines. Ventus breathed in and out in short periods, uneasy and fast.
"Nhom?"
Ventus' eyes slowly found his own hand, the blood crawling from his finger, dripping on the floor. He tried to stabilize his own breathing.
"Ven," Marluxia called, softly. "Come back."
He kept staring at scared red eyes. Why did they look scared? They were never scared. The Unversed stared back, sniffed, trembled slightly.
"Ven,"
Ventus crouched. "Hey," He tried, in the most gentle tone he could. "Go back to your dad, okay?"
Steps behind him. Ventus got up fast, he almost felt dazed. "Lauriam, listen,"
But Marluxia's eyes were on the Unversed. "Go back to sleep," He muttered, soft.
His eyes were nothing but. For a single second, Ventus felt like he could fight back. Like he should be defending darkness instead of...
"They're scared," Ventus frowned. "They don't—"
Marluxia sliced. Quick, efficient, behind Ventus. Ven blinked. They were gone. All of them. He breathed out, eyes widening a bit. Marluxia smiled a bit, blinked, the scythe disappearing in a flash of green and bluish energy. He pulled Ventus' wrists, got him to sit on the bed, eyes focused on the bleeding finger, puzzled look all over his face. Ventus was shaking, still. He remembered how quick Lauriam had been before but he had assumed after leaving the Organization, he had stopped fighting.
"I'm sorry," Marluxia said.
He didn't look sorry at all. Ventus giggled, eyes scanning the room. "You're not."
Marluxia sighed. "I have created these things before," He explained. "Modified them, that is. It shouldn't be here."
"It's not... The same," Ventus mumbled. "They're here because I'm here."
Marluxia went quiet for a moment. "You've been here before, Ventus. That didn't happen."
Ventus smiled at him, sighed through his nose. "I know. Sorry. It's— happens with the nightmares."
That was a worthy shot. Marluxia hummed.
"You said they were afraid."
Ven nodded a bit. "Nightmares. Sorry."
Marluxia moved closer. "Stop apologizing," He mumbled. "You can go back to sleep, if you want."
Ventus didn't knew if he could. He slowly got up, smiled, excused himself to use the bathroom. The moment he closed the door of the bathroom behind him, he sunk down on the floor. His hands were still shaky. The finger was still bleeding, though the stinging sensation had stopped.
He had no reasoning for the Unversed to be there aside of Vanitas had brought him back and he might have felt some type of way with their conversation and let the little creatures there. Ventus didn't knew how or where he had been before, the destroyed Daybreak Town and the white city after it. He patted his pockets, and the pendant was still there. Yeah. Not a dream, just as Vanitas had said.
He stared at his own reflection in the mirror. His pupils were a bit off. The dark blue rim around them weren't blue at all, but white. He frowned. So much for a good lie, huh. He chuckled, then, a strange sense of calmness passing through him. The white was dancing, too, pulsing, and Ventus still felt a bit off — like he needed something. Like an itch he didn't knew how to scratch, some sort of crave he didn't knew was there to begin with and now that he had noticed, it kept sending mixed signals to his heart and mind. That he should be calm, but alert.
Get something, submit. Do something now, submit.
After washing his face a few times and watching in real time as the white gave place to dark blue again, Ventus decided he had spent too much time on the bathroom and went back to Lauriam's room. It made him a little eager when he found a trembling survivor beside the bed, but he made sure to ignore it as he crawled back to his spot beside Marluxia.
"So this happens whenever you have a nightmare?" Marluxia asked lightly.
"We have wards in the Castle to prevent stuff like this," Ventus yawned then he giggled. "It's why I don't go on sleepovers."
Marluxia hugged him, kissed his hair. "And you say you need that thing,"
Ventus almost felt offended. He pushed it down. "I do,"
"Management before the battle," Marluxia mumbled.
Ventus frowned. It didn't made—
"There was this kid... Xehanort's apprentice. Never showed his face." Marluxia said. "Xehanort kept sending him away from Castle Oblivion. The only member not allowed there."
Ventus breathed in. Hummed. "Xehanort was weirdly meticulous with some stuff."
"Aside from his past self," Marluxia squinted his eyes. "This was the only other kid not allowed. The entire Castle reacted to him, half the world asleep and it still reasoned with his presence. It was odd. Almost the same way these things did to you."
Ventus closed his eyes, let Marluxia pull him closer. "They need me, Lauriam. They're a part of me. I told you, sometimes my Heart leaks. Happens."
Marluxia's fingers stroke his cheek. "Part of you," He echoed. "If you're okay with it..."
Ventus gave him a light nod. "It's how I am now, because of Xehanort."
"Interesting," Ventus heard the smile, the low chuckle. "So the eyes you said you hallucinate..."
"They're just that," Ventus agreed. "But the Castle makes them flick out, because of the wards." He giggled. "I told you, I don't usually do this... Sleepovers aren't a thing for me."
It was quiet. Marluxia moved until they were breathing each other's air. Ventus opened his eyes.
"If you say you don't mind I'll know you're lying." He whispered and Marluxia smiled.
"I don't," Marluxia whispered back. "Not if it's you."
"That's a big exception,"
"I used to manufacture Heartless, Ven, I can manage my hatred for these things." He kissed Ven's forehead. "Especially if it is a part of you."
Ventus' stomach did a funny thing and he decided not to think about it at all. He smiled back at Lauriam. Figured that if that was true — somewhere along the lines of possessiveness and protection — then he shouldn't care about the Unversed following him like he did back home. That Vanitas' feelings had a place with him and this new life he had just dipped his feet in. That if Lauriam of all people could admit he didn't like it but could manage long enough to make peace with it then Ventus shouldn't worry so much about hiding.
"You're bleeding, Ven," Was whispered on top of his head.
"Happens," He mumbled, sleep slowly coming and numbing his senses and mind.
All he needed now was Chirithy to keep the darkness away and he would feel like was back at the Bell Towers, being sung to sleep after a strange day in Daybreak Town. The ring stung again.
He needed something else, also. Someone else. Two.
Sleep took him like death. He only woke up to Larxene's voice rushing Marluxia to do something about somethings. Ventus didn't really cared, but he needed to get up and leave at once. He wanted to see Aqua, also. Needed to see her. He should start abandoning his fears about his other half going around the worlds collecting Gods knew what to keep balance from tipping off the scale again. Vanitas was helping for a greater cause, then not really helping and just... Maintaining. Worlds Orders. Or at the very least it was what it sounded like.
And Ventus wanted to help with that. He wanted to stop feeling weird about himself and actually do something productive with his grief. Terra had been oddly reassuring with that, also. That even if Ventus did had otherworldly problems going on, he'd sit and listen. And now Ventus had Skuld — though their meetings where more of obligation with research at the Labs rather than of friendship. He had Lauriam. Chirithy too. He had a system and it was working wonders now. Or at least he thought it was. He wanted to believe it was.
He needed to see Aqua. Explain. Wanted her to at least listen to what he had to say, even if it was against what they had been taught. Even if she didn't understood, Ventus wanted her to know. Watching Marluxia kill the Unversed and then admit he himself had made different Heartless had been an eye opener for that. One could hate the dark and still use it to hide. It tickled something funny inside Ventus' head, made his heart feel all weird.
It wasn't resentment, though it was damn near it.
* * *
Land of Departure was awfully loud when he got back, but that didn't matter. Riku was there again, and that made Ventus a lot more eager to share what was on his mind. Sparring sessions were fun to watch and even funnier to participate. Naminé finally realized that being a mage didn't immediately nulled her from sparring and Xion got her to throw some offensive spells very fast. Aqua was proud.
He won against Riku, Roxas won against Lea, and Ventus lost to Roxas — callback! They got Isa and Terra to actually join for once, which was really nice. It had been oddly satisfying when they had to call it quits because neither Terra or Isa wanted to stop until the other was six feet under. Lea was laughing the entire time, Aqua and Naminé had to get some potions to heal them, Xion said something about them bringing the worst out of each other when fighting and Ventus couldn't be happier.
"Next time we bring master YenSid," Lea said as they got on the common area after dinner. "That old man needs his time to shine again."
Xion grimaced at Lea, last spoon of dessert halfway to her mouth and Riku snorted beside her.
"Who'd he fight?" Naminé asked.
"Terra!" Aqua, Ventus and Lea said at the same time with different levels of amusement.
"You know what?" Riku stared at his half eaten pie. "That's not a bad idea."
Lea laughed like a madman and clapped his hand at the table. "I was dying to see Isa and Terra going on each other's throats! I waited for months, man!"
Isa sighed through his nose, exasperated. Terra chuckled lowly — maybe a bit too low for it to be just Terra — and shook his head, but neither commented on what the hells had happened in the Training Grounds. Aqua snickered, eyes gleaming.
"He can be worse," She said.
All eyes went to her, and she shrugged. "YenSid can take it. He trained Mickey, he trained Riku, he fought old master Odin and master Eraqus."
"Damn," Lea giggled. "YenSid has some history!"
"And Terra wasn't using that other Keyblade," Roxas pointed out. "The one with the cannon."
Terra raised an eyebrow at Roxas but he just shrugged at that. Naminé nodded vehemently and Xion simply stared at Terra.
"You have another Keyblade?" Her head tilted a bit.
"It's not another," Terra said, then. "Ends of Earth is still Earthshaker. They just function a bit differently, is all."
"They have the same Light," Riku smiled. "I get it."
"I'm glad Oathkeeper and Oblivion aren't the same," Roxas sighed. "Duo wielding is fun."
Aqua smiled.
Terra squinted. "You still use the wrong stance for it."
Roxas rolled his eyes and Xion snickered. Naminé blinked a bit, glanced at Aqua, who just shrugged.
"Next time we get Riku and Roxas to fight," Xion gave Riku a very odd look. "No healing."
Lea coughed, Isa chuckled, Naminé made a surprised sound. Ventus had a diabolical grin on his face as Aqua frowned.
"I'm not fully healed," Riku mumbled.
"Oh, I know," Roxas narrowed his eyes.
"What if we gang up on him?" Xion said, eyes shining.
Riku grimaced. "No, please and thank you."
"Get Riku against Terra, then," Ventus shrugged.
Lea barked a laugh. "Yes! Channel your inner Ansem, Terra!"
Naminé put her hands over her mouth, eyes wide and fleeting immediately to Aqua, but the master was trying not to spill her drink while laughing, shoulders shaking from the effort. It only made Ventus more comfortable with the idea of telling her about how he had come to peace with his other half.
"I'm starting to think you guys don't want me around," Riku said smiling and shaking his head in fake disapproval. "Who needs enemies with friends like these?"
"You think the older generation of Keybearers would hear stuff like this and pass out?" Xion wondered aloud and Chirithy giggled and shook their head.
"Oh, please," Ventus waved dismissively. "We were worse."
"At least they didn't got possessed," Terra pointed out. Then he snickered. "Not you, though. Tight ship."
Ventus beamed at him and Terra chuckled.
"Oh?" Lea sing sung when Aqua tensed. "Little Ventus used to study here as well? I thought Chirithy said they didn't knew your masters."
"I didn't!" Chirithy proudly proclaimed.
"And I," Ventus breathed in. "Have an announcement," He said.
Everyone stared at him, then, different emotions passing by each face. Lea, Roxas and Naminé seemed actually excited, Riku had that pillow soft concern where Ventus could lay his worries comfortably if he wanted to, Terra had a very quiet relief and some sort of encouragement shining through his eyes. Isa and Aqua were quietly expectant for the worst.
"I'm older than all of you combined and so is Marluxia... And Larxene." Ventus breathed in. "I'm from the very distant past, if the Main Library books are right. Technically me and that other Xehanort did the same thing with Time magic."
There was a pause. Then Isa snickered — rare sound. Lea laughed so hard he choked, repeating the words "Larxene's old!" and laughing all over again. Terra snapped his fingers and nodded, grinning, his question at his shrine finally answered. Roxas and Xion grimaced, stared at him, then at each other, then at Naminé as she stared blanky at Ven. Aqua raised both her eyebrows, but then her lips quipped up as if she was relieved to finally have some information shared and not... Mad at him.
Riku muttered an "Sora's gonna have a heart attack when he gets to hear this." but other than that he was smiling too.
Acceptance tasted sweeter than his candies.
"Don't worry," Ven said with a shrug to Roxas and Xion. "You guys are more Sora's age than mine. I don't think there's anyone on this room that can be my actual age."
"Oh, my!" Chirithy said and laughed softly. "That explains the difference in the World's lights. I was going to comment we were in the future but that would seem fairly obvious with how advanced science is nowadays."
"Who's Larxene?" Was all Aqua said.
"A bi—" Lea begun but was swiftly interrupted by Isa.
"Another Organization member. Oddly the only other woman," Isa said. "She was... Bossy. Very much so."
"Oh, wow," Xion snickered. "Larxene's OLD old. Maybe that's why she was like that."
Roxas barked a laugh and then hugged Naminé muttering an odd amount of apologies as he still laughed. Naminé shook her head in judgement of her friends, arms crossed and feet lightly tapping the floor. Xion hugged her, also apologizing.
"Sorry Naminé, you don't count," Isa said matter of factly. "You never wore the cloak."
"Yet I was the one that worked the most." Naminé squinted.
Lea snickered. "You should be glad Xemnas never put you to work aside of being Sora's manager."
"That's an odd way of saying that," Riku looked at him bewildered.
"He wouldn't," Isa shook his head lightly. "And technically I'm the one that worked the most, you had the most exhausting job, is all. Watching over Roxas and Sora at the same time."
Xion giggled and let Naminé go, but Roxas only scrunched his nose and shook his head.
"Of all of you, isn't Terra the one that worked the most?" Ventus crossed his arms and Terra groaned. "He had his Heartless and Nobody in the Organization."
"One as leader," Aqua added.
"And then there's the unofficial party member right there," Lea patted Riku's shoulder. "Damn, we're all technically Organization members. Ven! Get Marluxia and Larxene here to apologize to Naminé and we can make Organization XIII three!"
"Ew," Roxas said at the same time Riku said "Please, dont," and Naminé huffed, rolling her eyes.
"Oh, we don't want that," Terra said shaking his head with actual disgust over his face.
"Who's we, mister?" Lea wiggled his eyebrows.
A flash of yellow, a flash of orange, then Terra's eyes turned blue again. He shrugged as if nothing had happened.
"If only you could listen to the things they're saying about this topic," He sighed.
Aqua held a wheezed laughter. "I'm so sorry, delivery man, that your mind ticklers are annoying."
"You're really okay with that, huh," Riku stared at Aqua a bit perplexed. "Mickey was right, you really are like Sora."
"I'm not fine with any of this," Aqua smiled brightly at Riku. "But there's not really anything I can do about it."
Oh.
Ventus breathed in. Stared at Chirithy. They were thinking the same thing, as Chirithy lightly shook their head. Ventus breathed out, giggled, shook his head in genuine distress, but he kept smiling. Marluxia was one thing. Easy. He had used dark magic before. Aqua had been trapped on the Realm of Darkness for years, she had been fighting it off on it's home. She had every right to hate it. And the notion that a part of Xehanort, no matter how small, still existed inside Terra of all people was probably very unnerving for her. Ventus couldn't begin to imagine how hard this actually was on her mind.
Everyone went to their respective homes with warm goodbies. Speaking of Sora as if he was just in another World was a bit funny, but it was better than grief him without knowing if he was dead or not. It also didn't help that Roxas and Riku kept dreaming with him at some place that according to Riku looked like a mordern version of Traverse Town but a bit more convoluted. Maybe he was living and breathing still, just not fine.
Maybe Ventus shouldn't be losing himself to grief and desperation and actually working through it instead. He imagined that was what Vanitas meant when he told Ventus not to feed Darkness as the Thing, and focus on doing something productive with his anger and sadness. And then Ventus bit his neck and collarbone until skin broke. He should gather some sort of empathy for at least Vanitas' pain tolerance inside him and try to apologize in a genuine way to Vanitas, but he still wasn't sorry about it. He wasn't sorry at all, really. He still wanted to bite Vanitas again, actually. To take more of him.
Either bite and talk or fight and talk.
Get something, submit. Do something, submit.
He didn't knew what to do with all of that, so he did what he knew best when it came to his feelings. He smiled at his reflection in the mirror, silver blue shining with a white rim around the pupils, and ignored whatever it was inside his mind that kept itching at him to do something, get something.
"Ven?"
Aqua's voice was quiet from the other side of the door. She opened it slowly, Ventus didn't turned around, staring at her from the mirror instead.
"Can we talk a bit?"
He nodded, still smiling, a more serene thing than it was before. He felt as if he couldn't look at her if it wasn't from the mirror. He was afraid he'd hurt her. His fingers twitched and Aqua's brows creased a bit, eyes on his fingers. They were warm, a bit too much, as if his Keyblade was right there, pulsing.
It wasn't. Neither Wayward Wind or Lost Memory.
"You weren't joking, right?" She sit over the bed, eyes still on his hands. "You are that old. Did you remember it all?"
"Not all of it," Ventus said quietly. "The closer I get of him, the more I remember, I think I'll only get everything through Chirithy and Vanitas working with me in some... Way."
Aqua nodded stiffly. "Okay," She breathed out. Swallowed, smiled weakly. "I understand."
"I'm sorry," He said, because he was. He truly was. "I know you hate this, and you're not the only one."
Aqua chuckled humorless. "Terra was right about this," She whispered. "I don't have to like it, it's your life, Ven. But I'm here for you, if you want me to be."
Ventus felt his lips going up, but he didn't trust it was a fond smile, so he held it back. "I want you here. With me. I do."
Get something.
Her smile grew a bit, laced with relief. They were quiet for a few seconds, until Ventus breathed in a long and shaky breath.
"Aqua," He mumbled. "Does... Does Light ever speak to you?"
"Rainfell does," She said. "More of a feeling than words, but I understand her."
Light's other name is more of a feeling than a sound, Ventus' mind supplied happily at him.
"Are they good?" He asked quietly.
"Not always," Aqua gave honestly. "Sometimes Rainfell wants to be summoned for the most ordinary things you can imagine. I guess she just wants to participate, somehow."
Ventus giggled lightly. Stared at his own eyes. It was still white, pulsing, cold and terrifying.
"Why?" Aqua asked after a heartbeat or two. "Is it different for you?"
"What Terra said about Earthshaker and Ends of Earth before... I don't feel that at all about Lost Memory and Wayward Wind." The whites pulsed again, magic running to the very tip of his fingers. "I feel... Bigger than it. Bigger than my body, like I don't really belong to it, like it was supposed to be something else."
Aqua nodded slowly, frowned, relaxed, breathed in. "You weren't inside your body for years, Ven. I'd say you're the only one that had ever been inside someone else's body for twelve years without intending to..." She grimaced. "Xehanort don't count. Even if he did, he was horrible. And you're not that."
Ventus giggled. "Aqua," He swallowed, smiled. It didn't felt forced, it felt natural. "I killed someone."
She blinked, perplexed. "What,"
"I killed Marluxia's sister." He was still smiling, calmness washing over him like a cleansing rain.
Aqua stared at him in frozen horror. She got up so slow he thought Stop had been casted inside his room. Walked over towards him as if the path was longer than the five steps it was. Took his hands and took a sharp, confused inhale, brows furrowing for a second before she forced her face onto careful neutrality again. She turned him around.
"Ven," She whispered, voice betraying her face with how much worry there was in just one word. "He forgave you."
"He tried to kill me when I told him," Ventus said, still smiling lazily, the odd sense of calm still cradling him in a cold haze. "Darkness took responsibility. The thing, not the magic we know, then it took half my Heart with it... I didn't want to disappoint anyone else, so I took the blame for it, also, and we fused."
Aqua's eyes were wide open, tears forming. She didn't say a word, just kept her hands on his.
"Brain and Ephemer saved me," His smile grew, fond. "I don't remember how. When I woke up, I was in the Dwarf Woodlands and Marluxia found me."
Aqua stared at him as if some puzzle pieces had finally been connected inside her mind. The smile she gave him was apprehensive, but she nodded lightly and held his hands tighter, eyes twitching in pain from the magic swirling over his palms.
"I need my other Half back," He whispered.
Aqua blinked as if he had punched her. "Vanitas," She said, searching for confirmation.
"Mhm,"
"But if you do have him back, you'll... Be that weapon."
Ventus bit his lip. "I want him around," He corrected. "I need him back. He's a part of me, I neglected it for too long, Aqua. I'm not like Sora," Ventus chuckled lowly. "I'm selfish."
Aqua paused. "Does Vanitas have his own Heart?"
"I don't know," He shrugged. "I really don't care either. I need him, Aqua."
Aqua stared past him for a long, quiet while. And then she swallowed, forced another smile. "You can't keep him in the Castle, he has a mind of his own. But," She cupped his cheeks. Ven leaned onto it. "I'm glad you trust me to open up about it, even if you know how much I don't like this. And we can... Try something. About it."
Ventus huffed lightly. "Thanks, Aqua..."
"I really need to drink," Aqua mumbled.
Ventus snorted.
"Terra's becoming a Sentinel, he's taking Riku's place for a while so we can do research without having to wait for one another," Aqua said after a beat. "So it'll be only you and I for a while. We can try, then."
Ventus blinked up at her and she gasped, giggled nervously to hide her surprise. "Is it okay for you if I start trying now?"
Aqua let go of him and nodded. Ventus smiled. He pulled her back and she hissed quietly at the magic on his hands, then Ventus hugged her. They stood like that for a few seconds.
"You're so cold," Aqua mumbled, still locked in the hug.
"You're scared," Ventus whispered back.
"I am."
He giggled again. "Don't be. Rainfell understands."
Aqua let go of him and stared. "Ven, your eyes..."
He turned to the mirror again.
Do something.
He smiled.
Submit.
Notes:
This is what Vanitas was talking about on his "pov" at chapter 13 btw :D
Chapter 19: Damn the Dark, Damn the Light
Summary:
A Heart is made of both darkness and light, the grounds of the Station of Waking shaped by both of it working in tandem. When one is taken, the Heart breaks. When what remains decides to give up, the other senses.
And saves it.
Notes:
MAN THIS CHAPTER WAS INSIDE MY HEAD FOR SO LONG WRAAAA WE'RE FINALLY HERE
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Ventus woke up with a headache. He didn't even remember sleeping. Aqua was still there the last time he had his eyes open. Now he was all alone. That was when he noticed the room. That room. The broken one, with shards of glass all over the bed. Ventus hugged himself before he even tried to get up, grateful he had put his long sleeved undershirt and a bigger shirt above it before he got to sleep.
It was so cold.
The broken glass wasn't helping either.
The place was just like before. Trapped in time, stale, ocean scented. Ventus curled up on himself, gathering courage to get up and face Daybreak Town in the distance, all broken and destroyed. This time he would actually face it. He didn't need the fear squeezing his heart. Had no use for it.
There was a door beside the night stand, Ventus blinked. Was that door always there? No. He didn't remember it being there before, nor was it there when he got there when he slept over Marluxia's house. This was new. This was undoubtedly new. Ventus moved up, slowly. Stared at the dusted, half broken door. Got out of bed, pushed against the door for a heartbeat or two until it gave out and fell.
A small corridor half destroyed met him. He could already see a kitchen and a living room. There was a door frame in front of his. The roof had gave out in what was supposed to be the bigger room.
Get something.
Ventus looked around, eyes scanning for any signs of life he could. Even if it was dried blood. He found none. Not even the scent of something putrid. Nothing. Just ghosts of a life he understood but didn't remember. Ghosts of Light. He stared at the broken furniture. Burnt places. He didn't knew he was smiling until his cheeks hurt. Didn't noticed the tears until his throat hurt from unreleased sobs.
Submit.
Ventus looked around again, then turned back to his room. Jumped out the window. Stared at the ocean almost at his feet instead of the destroyed Daybreak Town in the immediate horizon. His eyes followed the strange curve of the ocean instead of scanning around the broken city. For some reason the ocean looked like it was coming from above, like the city was inside a dome that didn't reach the floor and it spilled inside instead of being an actual ocean.
Do something.
His eyes finally reached up enough to see the sky. That was when he truly laughed. The sky was water. Ventus walked around desert and desolate streets, shivering at the cold and houses he did remember. He stopped at Fountain Square. It wasn't entirely broken, wasn't completely destroyed. It was just not taken care of. Mud and grime were everywhere.
There was a part of the ocean there too, closer to the Bell Towers — what was left of them, that was. Ventus walked around a bit more before he followed the ocean, eyes heavy, cheeks wet and warm.
Submit.
He stared at the reflection inside the water, but he couldn't exactly see himself, nor the Bell Tower. It was a completely different reflection inside the ocean. Ventus frowned, confused. This wasn't right. It was almost as if this part of the World had been placed inside a spell, like Castle Oblivion was part of a designed mechanism to hide the place away from strangers. One that was activated when the Castle was endangered. Ventus breathed in.
A mechanism of camouflage that mas a part of Masters Defender's design. It was a secret spell Eraqus had learned from his family, that Aqua and Terra had learned in case either of them inherited the Keyblade. Brain's design. Ventus swallowed.
What was beyond the waters, he begun thinking. Castle Oblivion had been a part of Land of Departure but what was a part of Daybreak Town?
Ventus focused on his own reflection, if he could call it his own. His hair was jet black, his eyes were entirely white. For a second he thought he might have been fused with Vanitas and not just himself. Ventus blinked, his reflection went back to normal. Silver blue eyes, blonde hair. He sighed, shifted, didn't stop staring. He was still smiling, small and odd to his own eyes. He couldn't stop smiling.
Get something.
He took a deep breath. Steadied himself. Stared at the waters at his feet. And jumped. It was just the ocean. If Ventus was to die now, then he would die at home, not anywhere else. He didn't fought the current this time, and the sea didn't try to swallow him either. There was no waves. He was sinking further in, like his body was heavier than water.
Submit.
He was expelled from the water. For a second he saw where Light and Shadows met — The Oceans Between. He saw each and every World's Heart. Then he saw it. Kingdom Hearts. It was gigantic, terrifying like an entity and not just a moon. It was cold enough that even this far away from it made his bones freeze. It's light pulsed in a lazy rhythm, a sleeping heartbeat. Ventus had been the key to that thing before, his own Light and Dark broken to make it. He saw it, then, what Light Kingdom Hearts reflected, a glimpse of a light so blinding and cold Kingdom Hearts itself could never match.
The True Sun.
Ventus gasped.
And then he was thrown back at some other sea. This time he forced himself to swim, desperately so. The ocean didn't fight him, just as he hadn't fought it before. Ventus didn't knew where he was, but he could see mountains of white cities all around him, imposing in a terrifying way. It was daylight, at least.
Do something.
Ventus kept swimming until his arms and legs gave out. Then he just floated. Waited. His limbs, his throat. Everything hurt. It was all he knew, after all. This was worse than any battle he had ever fought. This was nightmarish, the sea gently moving him back and forth. No food, no water to drink. Ventus was there for what felt like hours, his breathing shaky with cold. It was the first time in years he felt actual hunger. His stomach hurt and revolted at the mere thought of food. Sometimes a wave was big enough to roll him and push Ventus under the water again, but he didn't fought it. He was so tired.
Submit.
Something hit his feet. It took Ventus time to open his eyes. An embarrassing amount of time to understand the sea had pushed him to the shore. That he was at a beach, that the cities of white stone were so near him now he could smell it, the stale air less oppressive here than it was at Daybreak Town.
He crawled on the beach with trembling, exhausted limbs until he found a place with shade and stopped fighting his own body. He slept.
It was his own voice that woke him up.
Ventus was shaking, trembling so much his teeth hurt from hitting one another. He slid his tongue over his upper front teeth, then the first left molars and. Oh.
Something gave.
Get something.
Ventus almost swallowed instinctively but stopped midway through the motion. That wasn't his teeth. He frowned but his whole body shook so violently at the action he ended up swallowing either way. It hurt. Ventus made a sound but it had been so light he didn't heard. Doubted someone else would.
He was tired. He didn't had strength to scream or do anything else. His body kept shaking, the taste of blood still lingering inside his mouth, down his throat. Ventus doubted he could cast anything to help himself up or ignore the cold and go back to sleep. This wasn't like in the Clock Tower, where it ate him fast and painfully so. This was slow torture.
Submit.
Did he seriously lost a tooth? A memory crossed his mind. Of the blue feline eye. That one nightmare Ventus tried every day to forget. That man's chuckle, his eye, his voice, the way he said things. And the aftermath of it too. That he had cut himself without realizing and he had cut his throat too. The exact same way, Ventus could tell. But it had only been a nightmare — he wished it to be. Chirithy took it away a few days after. The one thing that lingered was the information and what Vanitas had said afterwards.
Ventus stared at the blue sea. It stared back. He hiccuped. Tired, so, so tired. Ventus felt his consciousness slipping away, slowly. He had had enough of this. If sleep came he'd take it. He was almost grateful when it did came, for a short while.
Submit.
Sunset got him awake again. If this was a nightmare, it was a very realistic one. His eyes closed on their own. Ventus giggled. Sleep came again, easier.
As did the back pain. That was new. He didn't care.
Ventus woke up at sunrise again. It was beautiful, almost like Daybreak Town. Exactly like Daybreak Town. Ventus blinked, slowly, utterly tired. Something compressed inside his stomach and he grimaced. But didn't move away. Didn't made a sound but a tired whine. Ventus tried to swallow but his throat was dry.
It didn't take him long to understand he couldn't move his arms. Or legs. If he tried, cold would strike him hard, so he didn't. Moving hurt. Breathing hurt, not as bad as at the Clock Tower, there wasn't an obstruction. It was just cold. Ventus hiccuped.
His eyes closed.
Submit.
He jumped out of the window, didn't he? He chose this. He got Strelitzia killed. He chose this.
Ventus heaved. It was so goddamn cold.
He chose this, but he wanted it to stop. It was cold and lonely and he was hungry and tired. Ventus wanted his body to understand it was in pain, that it was dying and that he needed to get up before it actually came to him. He needed warmth. Needed it.
So he begged. And then there was gold, the sun. A river. Fire. Lava. Ran inside him and made him scalding hot. It burned, but gave him enough strength to open his eyes again. Sunrise. He begged again, and again, just inside his mind. When it warmed his throat enough he begged with his voice too. His stomach hurt. His limbs hurt.
Ventus looked up.
This was torture. He wanted the nightmare to stop.
Was Chirithy angry at him? Did he needed to apologize again? When he woke up he'd cry mercy.
The world began fracturing around him, but he didn't realize, how the ocean mixed with every ocean of the Worlds, how he could see the sky going from Dusk to Dawn in blinks so fast it didn't made sense. How the Worlds seemed to blend with each mountain around him, each house a different important part of a world he knew. Worlds he didn't.
Shh.
Ventus swallowed. Yes! There was something for him to swallow. Slowly, he blinked. It hurt a little but it was better than nothing. He moved a finger, two. His hands. Rolled his wrists, his feet. Slowly moved away from his spot at the shadows. He could walk! Yes! Finally! Ventus got up slowly, to not disturb his barely used legs. Gods! He could walk.
He sobbed. Cried until he slept again. It was joy.
"Ventus,"
A million voices said. All of them with interest.
"Ventus," It repeated softly. "Ours."
Whatever it was that was calling him, it was warm like a heated blanket. Ventus needed it. More of it. All of it. He couldn't speak, not yet, and he was still so tired he couldn't begin to care. The thing moved around him, as if inspecting him. He didn't care.
"Urs," Ventus mumbled. "Yours."
It keened. Wrapped around him.
Safety. Safe. Safe! Coming back to his own self, body and mind was so sudden he fell out of bed. Chirithy stared at him horrified. Ventus blinked a few times, fast, and got himself to sit at his bed. His clothes were clammy with cold sweat, and it made his bangs cling to his forehead.
"Good morning?" Ventus offered.
Chirithy still simply stared in pure dread. "Morning, Ven... Did you sleep well?"
Ventus blinked again. "No?" He frowned. "So... Where were you? I, uh... Had a really weird dream."
"You don't say."
Ventus breathed in. Turned his head to the door.
Vanitas blinked at him deliberately slow. He wasn't wearing his coat — again. Black shirt and his same black pants with some sort of metal bathed in silver.
"What did I say about Chirithy reaching out for me instead of you before?" He said with a smile that was equal parts forced and menacing.
Ventus swallowed. His mouth tasted funny. Like Caramel and... Oh. His eyes widened a bit and he giggled nervously.
"Did you actually—"
"Ven..." Chirithy whispered. "I didn't knew what else to do..."
"About what?"
Vanitas walked to him, crouched beside his bed. Stared at Ventus as if he was an hallucination and not a person. Then he tilted his head up to Ventus, eyes narrowing ever so slightly, as if deciding what to do with Ventus. His head tilted to the left, then.
Ventus frowned. "About what?" He repeated, slowly.
"Suicide isn't an option we can actually take, Venty," Vanitas said through gritted teeth and forced smile.
Ventus gaped at him. "What?!"
"Ventus," Chirithy mumbled, voice strained. "You allowed your Heart to break on it's own."
Ventus stared at Chirithy for a long, quiet moment. Then he turned his head back to Vanitas. Molten gold and fire stared back at him, searching. Not worried, just annoyed. We're the same Heart, not the same person. Ventus' fingers twitched a bit.
"Sorry," He said, voice suddenly strained with pain, but it was not to Chirithy, though it should be.
Ventus wanted to apologize to Vanitas specifically.
"You should be," Vanitas mumbled, arms spreading at the bed and then folding back, crossed over the sheets, and he rested his head.
"Don't antagonize him," Chirithy hissed hurriedly.
Ventus nodded slowly. "I should be."
Chirithy's head whipped back to him. "Ven!"
"I'm sorry," He said again, slower, quieter.
"Kay."
"I am..."
"Okay."
Chirithy breathed in. "You should go away before the others wake up."
Vanitas eyed the Dream Eater for a second. Turned his eyes back to Ventus. "Should I?"
He knew. Ventus opened his mouth. Closed it. Bit his lip then released it. The last thing he said to Aqua was that he wanted Vanitas around him. That he wanted to be selfish. That he wanted to be selfish now. He could tell Chirithy this, he should, even.
"Sorry," He said instead.
Vanitas raised an eyebrow at him but didn't say a word. Instead he got up and Ventus felt terrified that his Half was leaving. But then he simply sit beside Ventus, much to Chirithy's dismay and Ven's relief.
"You really don't know how you did it, do you?" Vanitas shook his head lightly. "They warned you."
Ventus took a long, deep breath. "I know... I'm sorry."
"Warned him?" Chirithy inquired, confused.
Vanitas wrinkled his nose for a second. "Kay,"
"Darkness," Ventus said to Chirithy. "It warned me about my Heart breaking. I didn't took it seriously."
"But Ventus, darkness doesn't speak. We've already been through this."
"It's not the magic, Eater," Vanitas grimaced. "It's the force behind it."
Chirithy blinked a few times. "Oh. Oh, my..." They got up. "I will leave you two to speak, but I will warn the Guardians of your stay, Darkness."
"Sure, go ahead." Vanitas waved dismissively.
The two of them waited until they were sure Chirithy wouldn't hear them. Then it was immediate, the shift. One second, they were just sitting comfortably beside one another, then the next Vanitas was on top of Ventus, sneering, a hand pulling his hair tight enough to give Ventus a headache and the other around his neck, not choking but forcing him to stay put in place. Ventus grinned through the pain.
Anything was better than the Clock Tower and the White city's beach, really.
"You spoiled, cowardly brat." Vanitas spat.
Ventus breathed in. "I'm sorry,"
"Shut up."
He obliged. Vanitas seemed genuinely angry this time, angry and... Something else entirely, something warm and bright and so, so sad. He was breathing as well, short, shallow, uneven. As was Ventus. The hand at his hair pulled tighter, made Ventus' breath hitch in pain. It was fine. When Vanitas tried to take a deep breath to steady himself, it stuttered, struggled to settle, and he pouted lightly, brows furrowed. His eyes, though. Bright, liquid gold and liquid fire. Vanitas was crying. Actual tears.
Ventus squirmed a bit, tried to get up. Couldn't. Vanitas snarled at him and he stopped fighting again. This was fine. He could manage this. The hand at his throat closed a bit more. A few stray tears kept falling. Yeah, no. He wasn't managing this at all. Do something, do something, do something.
Ventus breathed out a bit, just so it would be a little difficult to suffocate. He really wanted to be able to use his hands, but the way Vanitas had sit on his stomach was very deliberate, making sure he couldn't use his hands and was distant enough from his legs that he wouldn't get kicked.
"Why," Vanitas mumbled. It sounded like he would say something else, but he didn't.
Ventus smiled, small, pained. He didn't had an answer for that. He didn't even knew how he got to do any of that. He had just accepted he could be a little selfish and then this happened. He remembered hugging Aqua, sensing Rainfell and... This.
Something snapped at his hair. Electricity. It made him wince, eyes widening just a bit, indignant. Brought tears to his own eyes and gave him a headache, made him dizzy for a second or two. Then it snapped again, harder, closer, cracked down his hair to his ears. Gave him the worse kind of goosebumps, the ones he'd get before a fight.
He really wished they wouldn't fight. Not this time. Vanitas begrudgingly obliged, somehow, as if he had asked it aloud instead of inside his head. He felt the hands slowly letting him go and he moved down a bit but besides that, Vanitas didn't move.
Ventus did. His eyes, most of all, kept tracking each tear that stubbornly fell from his Half's eyes, and Ventus got himself to sit. His hands moved as well, from his sides to Vanitas' face, cleaning the tears away as they came. He didn't mind the glare and the snarl he got for doing it.
"I'm sorry," Ventus muttered. "Stop crying,"
Vanitas narrowed his eyes at him. "Do you have any idea how it is for your own Gods be damned Heart to stop out of nowhere?" He smiled, forced, rolled his eyes. "Of course you don't." His smile died. "I'll do whatever I want, you don't get to boss me around."
"Okay," Ventus breathed out. "Okay. Sorry."
Vanitas scoffed, but surely, the tears stopped. His eyes didn't even got red, they simply stopped falling as if they were never there to begin with. He got to watch in real time as adrenaline wore off inside Vanitas, his shoulders relaxing, eyes closing and then fighting to stay open. It made Ventus horribly nervous. Did Vanitas ever sleep? He looked tired. Genuinely so. Like he was fighting just to exist.
"Hey," Ventus mumbled again. "Are you tired?"
"What do you think?"
"You can sleep here,"
"Ventus."
"You can," He insisted quietly as he moved them both on the bed, his back on the wall. "It's my room, which means it's yours too."
Vanitas blinked, forced his eyes to stay open. "Ventus,"
"It's fine," Ventus tried to smile. Failed. "You can sleep."
"I'm gonna die if I do,"
Ventus paused. Stared at him. Licked his lips, swallowed. "No, you won't."
But Vanitas kept staring at him through half lidded eyes with a certainty that made Ventus really anxious. He moved his hands from Vanitas' cheeks to his neck and forced an smile anyways.
"I can keep you awake, then." He whispered, hoped it didn't sound weird. "If you're so sure you'll die."
"The wards," Vanitas slurred. "I came here to see if you were..." He trailed off. "Doesn't matter."
Ventus moved his legs up a bit, nudged him closer. "You can sleep somewhere else, then."
"I can't sleep, Ventus,"
"I'll keep you awake, then."
Their foreheads touched. Vanitas sighed. "I'm not gonna ask you how, but if you give me any of these drinks you guys have I will kill you with my bare hands." He grimaced slightly. "I don't know how you manage to drink coffee of all things."
Ventus fought a giggle, lips quivering. "So you'll let me?" He tilted his head a bit.
Big mistake.
Vanitas breathed in again. Then out. Then he chuckled, barely a sound. "I want to see how sorry you really are."
Ventus almost fell for it. Almost pulled him to sleep right there and then. But even when his fingers twitched with a want for disobedience, he simply agreed with a light nod and let his hands slid from Vanitas' neck to his back in a half hug as the other hid his face over Ventus' shoulder. They were breathing in unison, almost equally.
He really wanted to pull Vanitas in and let him sleep, it was very tempting. But that would be betrayal, in a way, so he didn't. He stood awake, each time Vanitas breathed a bit too deep, relaxed a bit too much, he ran his nails over, under his shirt, with enough force to bleed. He noticed that Vanitas was easily startled and that he was real easy to bruise.
More than Ventus had ever been. Noticed that he winced every now and then, when Ventus' hands didn't hurt him but traced the scars instead. Maybe it was by design of his Heart before it split, maybe it was because Darkness as a force of magic was also easily startled — it was more polluted than Light.
Maybe it was a reflex from the sixteen years around Xehanort. Ventus grimaced as he traced some runes on Vanitas' forearms. The other hand kept lightly scratching his scalp, absently pulling the hair every now and then. He definitely should have done this earlier. Sixteen years with that man was way too much. For anyone. Ventus wondered how Eraqus did it, before they split, if Xehanort had been better.
Vanitas hummed something against his neck and Ventus stopped breathing for a second. It had been way too soft for him, Vanitas wasn't soft with his words at all. A heartbeat or two and Vanitas shrugged, Ventus snorted and ran his nails down his neck. That earned him a hiss.
Yeah, Vanitas probably fell asleep for a bit when he got distracted, which meant he could sleep and not die, he was just... Afraid. Because of what Ventus did. He felt horribly guitly, then.
They stood like that, neither really moving or breathing correctly, until the sun rose. Sometimes Vanitas mouthed something against Ventus' neck, ran his teeth to keep Ventus awake. He wasn't taking anything, and Ventus wasn't giving anything.
Chirithy opened the door lightly, tilted their head, looked up at Ventus. He smiled.
"Is he asleep?" Chirithy asked quietly.
Ventus shook his head no and patted Vanitas' shoulders. "He said he couldn't sleep."
"That doesn't seem right," Chirithy shook their head.
"Stop speculating as if I'm not here," Vanitas growled.
"Sorry," Ventus mumbled, patted him again. "But now I really want to sleep."
"I have to babysit you around the worlds but you can't take responsibility for the things you do once." Vanitas murmured against his neck.
Ventus closed his eyes, breathed in, giggled.
Chirithy sighed, shook their head. "I will sleep at Terra's room," They said with a exasperated huff. "But I've warned Aqua about his stay."
"Thanks, Chirithy," Ventus said quietly and smiled fondly at his friend. "I'm sorry you can't sleep here today."
Chirithy hummed, nodded, stared for a moment. Narrowed their eyes and then shook their head as if dismissing a thought, turned around and closed the door when they left. Ventus sighed and shook his head slightly. Something wet trailed on his neck and for a moment Ventus thought Vanitas was crying again. That would be bad, especially since his brain wasn't really working from the lack of sleep.
He wouldn't be able to lie in a convincing way about why he was squirming so much. But it wasn't tears, he noticed after a few seconds of nothing happening and then the thing licking him again. Ventus blinked. Licking? He giggled, swallowed.
"What are you doing?" He grumbled.
"Shame," Vanitas mumbled. "You almost killed both of us, so I'm taking whatever I want."
Ventus almost rolled his eyes and shook his head, ready to say something that would either make their truce end or escalate things to a screaming match. Then Vanitas bit down his neck, and he kept quiet. Blinked quite a lot to keep stray thoughts away. The other time Vanitas got to take stuff from him, he had been asleep — or half awake, that is — for most of it.
Being fully awake for it was... Strange. Yeah, tears wouldn't be his only problem, he was almost sure, when he hissed as Worry was taken. It gave way to a strange numbness instead, then his whole body relaxed. That was nice. That was so very nice. His hands kept fidgeting with Vanitas' forearm, tracing runes and scars alike. When he took Anger — Ventus didn't even knew he was angry — it dragged.
Ventus became a blinking machine for a few seconds, trying to focus on his hands instead of the teeth running down his throat. He hummed when he felt something else being taken, a deeper bite, and it took longer than Anger. It felt almost the same. He pulled at Vanitas' shirt hem, mostly to steady himself.
Each emotion Vanitas took out of him made him numb, and it let him with the sensation of being drunk. There wasn't anything to inhibit what he was thinking or doing. Speaking. Thankfully he wasn't speaking. It was almost addicting, the numbness.
"Ventus,"
He blinked.
Golden eyes stared at him with a frown. Entirely golden, sclera, iris, pupils, just like the sun.
"Hi," Ventus giggled. Lifted a hand, gently cradled Vanitas' face with it. "Your eyes are shining again."
Vanitas' eyes moved as if he had rolled them, he blinked at the end of the motion, joined their foreheads. "So are yours."
"Is it white?"
"Yeah,"
Ventus snickered. "I'd say you look really pretty like that, but you can't take compliments serious."
"Pretty," Vanitas echoed in a breath.
"Yeah," Ventus smiled. "It's pretty, gives you... Some sort of vibe, like you're about to unleash something."
It was Vanitas' turn to snicker at him. "I'm taking, not unleashing."
Ventus squirmed a bit when Vanitas moved. That earned him a snort and a shake of head.
"It sounds a bit narcissistic when you say it," Vanitas mumbled. "I'm you, and you think I'm pretty."
Ventus slapped his thigh with a finger. "We don't look alike."
"So what you're saying is that you think Sora's pretty," Vanitas raised an eyebrow. "I can accept that. I have eyes."
Ventus rolled his eyes. "You're impossible. Just take the compliment."
"I'm flattered," Vanitas hummed against his neck. "That a Guardian of Light thinks a being of Darkness is pretty when it wears the face of a friend."
Ventus sighed. "Kay. Shapeshift again, then, go back to how you looked before Sora."
Vanitas giggled a bit too breathy and moved, stared at him with eyebrows raised. "I look exactly like you, dumbass."
"I need to prove you a point," Ventus narrowed his eyes. "And confirm the vision you gave me that other time."
Vanitas blinked. If he could see through the golden glow he would be sure he was giving him dead and unfazed eyes. But then the shadows grew around them even at bright daylight. Ventus blinked a few times and he was faced with an almost perfect mirror — more so than Roxas. The hair was a bit more disheveled, a bit longer, jet black still, and the golden glowy eyes were still there. Okay... Maybe Vanitas was right. Maybe he was a bit narcissistic.
Because why was an almost perfect mirror of himself prettier than Ventus was? Maybe it was the aura around Vanitas, how he wore his face better. Maybe it was the glowy, ethereal eyes. Or the black hair.
Maybe he just thought Vanitas was pretty because it was Vanitas, not because he looked like anyone else. He was not going to voice it, though. Vanitas could take Shame as much as he wanted, he had infinite amounts of it, apparently.
"You're so pretty," He blurted out in a whisper.
Vanitas grimaced. "You really have a problem."
"I am a problem, apparently," Ventus mumbled. "But that doesn't change it. You're pretty. Accept it."
"Why?"
Ventus shrugged. "You just are, that's how it works."
The glow grew brighter and Vanitas crossed his arms. "Why should I accept it if it comes from you?"
"Hey," Ventus grinned. "You're way more awake now. Maybe getting you angry would've worked better not to make you sleep."
"Answer it, coward," Vanitas hissed.
Ventus pulled him close enough everything he could smell was caramel and lemonade, then he closed his eyes and smiled. "You can take my feelings but not my words? I'm wounded."
Vanitas moved a bit, sit again, moved again. Ventus breathed in, still smiling. Then something warm brushed softly against his lower lip and Ventus' lips parted lightly, his eyes opened. Vanitas snickered and patted his cheeks with both hands.
"That's how much you're sorry, I see," He said, then. "You can sleep now, I already got what I wanted."
Ventus stared at Vanitas' eyes finally stopped glowing, bright golden renewed, the red rim a vibrant and living fire, moving, pulsing. Then he collapsed, and sleep took him in with open arms.
Notes:
So as I was saying about music I hear when writing these chapters, I went a bit above my leagues when writing this one chapter because it was one of the ones I reeeaaally wanted to write and I was listening to House of The Dragon soundtrack. Man. "Rook's Rest Pt. 1" really gave the first half of the chapter A FEELING
Chapter title comes from "The Chain" by Fleetwood Mac!
Chapter 20: Are You the Method in My Madness
Summary:
Terra reveals two very important things, sides of his heart, to Riku.
Notes:
These last chapters were literally the first ones I conceptualized for this fanfic hahdhshshsjsjs I hate my brain sometimes
I love canon divergence
Terra chapters are so fun to write wraaaa
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
There was an opening in the cracks around him. For the first time, nothingness became something new. The rubble around him became a dor, white, with fractal stained glass and strange runes carved on concrete. It was the biggest door he had ever seen, it's size almost overbearing, incomprehensible.
Beside him, broken pieces of land, like fractured universes. It was quiet and absolute. There was no beginning and no end to the place. It was only him, floating in nothing but oceans of magic and that door. Broken universes flew by, coming and going within and out of his reach. Peaceful, absurdly so.
Light went and came, like an infinite ocean, washing over the door and the boy in front of him. Platinum hair floated around his face, eyes closed. He knew this boy. Knew this heart, this mind. He shouldn't know him, there was nothing interesting about children. Nothing he could use. And yet.
The Light hurt him, so he moved around it, not to it.
The boy looked oddly in peace, as if the ocean around them wasn't suffocating with it's density. As if the light of that door wasn't blinding but healing instead. It made a halo out of his hair, teal eyes slowly opening to him. They glistened with the fires of recognition, a flame that flickered in and out of existance. As if it didn't wish to be acknowledged.
He wanted to drown the boy. To watch as he slowly succumbed, as he fought back. The boy raised a hand, a soft but small smile gracing his lips. It opened, just as slow as the eyes had been. Spoke a word, voice soft and gentle, but not caring, no. There was only one person in this pitiful universe that dared care for him and that was not this boy.
Oh, how he longed to put his hands around the boy's throat. To tear off those beautiful eyes, devour his heart and devout all his time to the slow torment of his mind. The boy blinked at him, eyes half open, lips parted, hair swirling around his face. Light passed through it, a halo of white and silver. He said a word again, the same. Kept repeating it as a prayer, but didn't move. Not immediately, that is.
The boy began swimming, slowly, as he did everything else. The hands — not big enough, not too small — found his face, caressed. Thumbs stroke against his cheeks lightly. The boy was a few inches above him now, the door's light still reaching his frame, still gently glowing over his hair. So close, yet still not close enough. Not enough he could choke the air out of his lungs, not enough he could draw blood out of his skin, not enough. He couldn't bruise.
He needed to close that distance. Immediately.
It was as if the boy shared the same thoughts, in a way, as he giggled lightly. It felt as if forks were running down at metal pots with how much it hurt to hear the soft huffs of laughter at his ears. That same word was repeated as the boy kicked his feet and moved a bit closer. Teal eyes closed again.
Now. Now he was close enough. He reached, watched eagerly as hands came to his forearms to defend the throat. Aside of that, there wasn't much of a fight. The ocean moved on his command, as eager as he was, and each wave made the boy drift closer, made his hands around his neck tighten.
The boy stopped fighting altogether, lips parted in silent gasps, platinum halo hair hiding opened and bloodshot eyes. What a wonderful, haunting moment. He could almost hear them, the light gasps. He moved closer, then closer still. Teal eyes fought to stay open, but the boy was smilling, blood coming from hurt lips. He wanted to break him.
Something cracked, too loud to be the boy's neck, too heavy to be his own hads. Light peaked through the door as it slowly opened.
Terra opened his eyes in a light grimace, staring at his ceiling completely lost as to why he was dreaming with Riku of all people. And why he was so eager to kill Riku in the dream. There was something heavy on his stomach and Terra had to blink himself fully awake to understand it wasn't the feeling of disgust and the misplaced excitement he felt throughout the dream, but Chirithy sleeping over him. Relief washed over him like a warm bath, then.
He had never taken what master Odin said seriously when he was on his deathbed, that some people had some sort of lust for evil, because it sounded like too much, like it was strangely worded, that it was just a way to scare them into following the Light instead. Now it made a lot more sense, and Terra didn't like it one bit. Didn't like that it was a part of a being inside him, also. Mostly inside of his Heart.
He took Chirithy away and put them over his pillows instead, making a little nest for the Dream Eater before leaving his room with clothes around his forearms, to the showers. Gods knew he needed it.
He crossed half the corridor before he noticed someone just getting out of there and paused on his steps, first confused and then terrified.
Why in the sacred hells was Riku there?
For a moment he thought about jumping inside his Station and beating Ansem to death, but the Heartless was as persistent as a plague, and he was ruthless in a way Terra didn't knew he could be himself — probably the Xehanort part living through it. Also it would scare the kid, suddenly dropping out of consciousness in the middle of a corridor.
Then Riku paused, assessed Terra's demeanor, narrowed his eyes for a second and then smiled.
He would have to kill Aqua as well. Giving Riku his old clothes and all. He snorted at his own thoughts.
Xemnas really did mess his head up since that dream and their last talk. He almost made a comment about how silver would suit Riku better instead of the woven gold lines that his ceremonial coming-of-age clothes had, but he simply nodded towards the kid and smiled back.
"Morning, Terra," Riku said quietly as if Ventus or Aqua could hear them from this far.
"Can we talk for a bit?" Terra found himself asking. He grimaced. "Sorry, uhm. Morning, Riku."
Riku's brows went up for a second, eyes on the clothes around his forearms before he nodded lightly and smiled a bit confused.
"Do you want me to wait...?" Riku turned his head a bit towards the shower rooms, eyes coming and going from Terra's face to his clothes.
Terra took a deep breath, chuckled at his own stupidity and shook his head. "Training Grounds, kid. Go ahead, I'll meet you there."
Riku relaxed a bit more, smile growing a bit more genuine, but not in size. Terra pulled him into a half and light hug before he got inside the showers. He took more time trying to remember how the knots on his clothes were tied up than in the actual shower, but he had chosen that one for this very specific reason. He needed the distraction and his father's clothes were the most distracting thing he had from his old home. The fact that a doublet had this many knots was already worrying him enough to make the talk with Riku a lot easier. When he stared at himself in the mirror he almost punched it in reflex.
Maybe Lea had a hand on the money. If he dyed his hair white, he'd look exactly like Xemnas. Specially with these clothes, since it was all he wore inside his Station. What a horrible thought. What a funny one, also, that he had chosen this one because he had no reference of how to use it only to remember he did had references, just not ones he wanted.
He decided to cut his hair to how it had been before he decided to let it grow past his shoulders. Terra could almost hear the relief sigh Aqua would give involuntarily when she got to see him with his hair shorter again and shook his hear lightly as he stepped out of the the shower rooms.
When he got to the Training Grounds, he found Riku laid on the grass with his eyes closed. He did this a lot when he got to visit Land of Departure. Terra wouldn't judge that, he used to do the same thing at The Gardens. He used to train alone, eat alone, just exist alone in general, for a long time. And randomly lay at the grass around the Castle when he had the chance to. He thought back to Masters Defender and how it's Light made it a bit more difficult for him to do it in the Gardens nowadays.
"Riku," He called, and snarled at how it stirred something awful inside of him.
Teal eyes opened slightly. Riku sighed, sit up. "Aqua told me when I got here."
Terra blinked. "Told you... What?"
Riku gave him a very poignant stare, sized him up then looked away, shifted as he pulled his legs up, rested his arms there and hid his face.
"You're leaving. Taking my place, is what she said."
Terra sit beside him with a huffed sigh. "That's not really just that. I know why Aqua said it the way she said it, because that's why she thinks it's going to be." He chuckled lightly. "It's not. I'm not leaving, Riku. I told you I'll be here for as long as you need me and I meant it."
Riku moved a bit, but didn't say anything. They stood there in silence for a minute or two before teal eyes slowly moved up from it's shelter and found dark blue ones. Riku blinked a few times, turned his head towards Terra, moved a bit closer, then more.
Terra moved an arm out of the way, and Riku immediately moved in to hug him. He asked himself if he had ever been like this with anyone else, family or otherwise. If this was a side of Riku the kid himself didn't like sharing — he was usually very distant, almost to a stoic degree. This wasn't. This was quiet vulnerability, even if light mannered and timid.
"Did she told you why I decided to do that?" Terra asked quietly and Riku shook his head lightly. "Because you need to rest, so you can deal with whatever Sora will put you through when you find him." Riku snorted and Terra smiled. "Kairi needs you as well, and I'm not even going that far, I'll need to come back every now and then."
Riku moved a bit. Sighed. "Sorry. Sorry, I..." He mumbled something. "Nevermind. I shouldn't be... Was it what you wanted to tell me?"
Terra snorted. "Riku, it's okay to feel things. Do you have anything on your mind?"
"We kind of had the same problem with the same guy," Riku mumbled with a grimace. "So I thought that maybe I was... It's hard to trust myself these days. Harder without them."
"They're not gone until you want them to be," Terra whispered. "Even if it's just the memory of them."
Riku moved a hand to his neck, fingers lightly caressing and then he looked away from the horizon to his own lap. "Naminé said the same thing. That's... Something I don't trust my self with, either."
Terra grabbed Riku's free hand onto his, noticed the light trembling. Didn't say anything about it. Instead, he tilted his head a bit.
"You started this way too young," He said, then. "That's my fault. I'm just taking responsibility."
"It's not your fault I fell for a trick," Riku narrowed his eyes. "I didn't deal well with my emotions back then, even if it wasn't something otherworldly, I'd probably fall on the same place."
Terra raised an eyebrow at him. "You should trust yourself more, Riku. You made your way back on your own. You knew how to. That's important, too." He swallowed and tried a smile when Riku's eyes widened a bit. "At least you wanted to go back."
"Huh?"
"I didn't," Terra said quietly, never taking his eyes off of Riku's teal ones. "Not really. Not entirely, that is. Light was equal parts good as it was bad for me."
Riku lips parted as his breath stuttered. His eyes searched Terra's face multiple times for a lie. There wasn't any. He settled on dark blue eyes again, and Terra felt heavy and lightweight at the same time. As if he was drifting aimlessly in a sea of nothingness. He couldn't see his own reflection inside Riku's eyes, but the gentle flame of a candle. Something inside his Heart danced in revelry, a long, agitated waltz.
"You didn't want to return?" Riku asked in a whisper, eyes still a bit wide.
"I gave up wanting for a long time," Terra said, eyes on the horizon, on the rivers below them. "If I had to have ties to the dark for my friends to be kept away from it, then it was better that way. I didn't knew where Aqua was, or Ven, at the time, so I gave up wanting, wishing, hoping."
He turned his gaze to their hands. "I don't want you to give up on that. It's tiring, doing things alone." He pulled Riku closer, platinum hair resting just beneath his chin. "You're not alone, Riku, and you don't need to be. You're used to it, but it doesn't mean it has to be this way, that's why I'm taking your place. So you can find peace with yourself."
Riku's stiffen position slowly relaxed in a long exhale. He rested his head on Terra's shoulder and kept his eyes on the bright sky. The chains that held the Castle up in the mountain glistened bright gold in the distance, the birds passing by the trees were colourful — perhaps the only other colours around them beside gold, white and green. Terra patted his head lightly and chuckled again.
"What I was going to say was that I had a dream with you this night," He said. "And that silver suits you better than gold. And that Aqua got you my old stuff but she doesn't know how they're supposed to be dressed, so you're wearing ceremonial clothes in a very casual way."
Riku moved away a bit, blinked a few times. "You dreamt with me?" He frowned at himself for a second, eyes on the black garments he wore. "Ceremonial? As in, highly important things?"
"Mhm," Terra gave him a dismissive wave and snickered. "It wasn't a good dream. I was trying to choke you while at the Door to Darkness. And yeah, highly important things like fighting for your heritage to be kept as yours. I was supposed to wear this on my eighteenth birthday... Which, uh, I did."
Riku licked his lips, ran his teeth over his already worried lower lip. Stared at his clothes again. "Oh... We... We dreamed the same thing." He swallowed. "Ehm... Sorry, but... Your master made your fight for your things?"
Terra wrinkled his nose a bit. "Is that why you're here today?" Riku nodded. Terra shrugged, then. "Rest assured, Ansem and I will be having a talk. His feelings are coming through and... What a damned Heartless, you don't need to hear what he wants from you. Anyways, no, my father didn't made me fight for things."
The thought of Eraqus trying to get him to fight for the Castle was funny to him, somehow. It wasn't meant to be his, there was no reason for him to fight for it in the sense of competing for the throne. Not as it has on his old home. Riku eyed him with a slight but terrifying bit of curiosity at the mention of Ansem's feelings, but then raised an eyebrow at the word 'father', but mostly kept his reactions to himself.
"Are you royalty, Terra?" Riku asked with a knowing small smile.
"A part of it, yeah," Terra giggled a bit. "I didn't told anyone this part yet. It can apparently coexist, both this life and the other, but I don't think I can manage both things."
"My father, he... Said we were supposedly a part of royalty too," Riku mumbled, then, ears reddening. "That people would recognize it by eyes alone. I guess it's what grandfather said to him because platinum hair is rare." Riku shrugged and Terra snorted. "We had this... Family thing, where we'd give something we cherished for someone we cherished. Grandma said it was tradition, but we were the only ones at the Main Island to do that."
Terra nodded. "I can imagine how holding to tradition no one else seems to care kind of hurts."
Riku stared at him like that again. Like a lost child that didn't knew how to manage their own feelings, that didn't knew how to fully exist in the place they were. A son's plea.
Terra bit his tongue, let go, grabbed Riku's hand again, thumb caressing knuckles. Riku sighed, as if just this contact was enough. Like this mattered the most to him and it was more than what he was used to receive, and Terra found himself asking what kind of life Riku had until he opened The Door.
"It hurt for me too," Terra said, then. "The things I believe, the other kids use to disregard it entirely. Used it in a way that was so distant from what I've learned it was almost mocking. Like they were pointing and laughing." He smiled and shook his head lightly. "Used to get me pissed, back then. They called it myths, even my father did."
Riku swallowed hard. For a moment, they were quiet. Terra's side of things made Riku more comfortable with his own traditions, even if he was technically mocking Terra's by wearing these ceremonial clothes all wrong. Terra didn't seem to mind it.
He thought he could trust this conversation. That he could trust Terra, like he didn't trust himself, with this. That whatever was shared wouldn't be used against him like Ansem and Maleficent did way back when.
"I gave it to Sora," He whispered like a secret. "His sixth birthday. He said... He told me he wanted something that would make him family to me, because that was how he saw me. That he wanted something of mine that he could have all the time."
Terra blinked. His smile grew. "It's the necklace, isn't it?"
Riku winced. Terra chuckled.
"Gods," Riku mumbled. "I was... Stupid. Real stupid. Back then... I hated what we had, the three of us."
Terra nodded and sighed. "Riku, listen," He breathed in. "You were fifteen. Stop blaming yourself for not knowing how to deal with strong emotions at that age because no one does."
Riku narrowed his eyes at him and Terra...
Terra decided this was worth the shot. "I'll let you in in a little secret, I've never told this to anyone and you're the first to ever hear it."
Riku blinked. Terra breathed in, then out. He used his free hand, palm up, calling upon his incantation at his candle. Magic swirled around his fingertips. Riku's eyes shone with some sort of recognition, the runes familiar to him somehow.
He imagined it was something described in one of YenSid's books of spells, but Aqua didn't knew who Bahamut was, so he kind of doubted it. Maybe YenSid trusted Riku enough to let him know the runes but not their true power. Terra kept reciting the prayer inside his head, wished for his will to show Riku the truth through the Hallowed Lightning. It made the runes spread around the magical circle, abruptly changing to fit his intention and settling outside of it. They multiplied, inside the circle and out, different matches to keep his wish pure.
Lightning cracked at the palm of his hand, the center of the magical circle. But it wasn't elemental magic. Riku's eyes widened, went from the magic to Terra's eyes, then back to the circle. Anticipation gwaned inside them both, and he could almost taste it. Terra raised it towards his head and watched as Riku's eyes gleamed and lips parted. The lightning spread, made a moving arch around Terra's head, made the motions until it seemed fit, settled again. A crown.
"Terra," Riku whispered in awe. "Is this...?"
"My blood heritage," Terra smiled weakly at him.
It disappeared after a few seconds. Riku kept blinking as if the lightning was still there.
"And now," Terra patted his shoulder. "It's yours too."
Riku's eyes glistened with the beginning of tears. "Mine?"
"Mhm," His smile turned a bit more relaxed. "If you want it, that is. I already passed down my title as Keyblade master, now you can have my title as King."
Riku gaped at him. "But... But that's— What if you have children? What if you change your mind?"
Terra snorted. "Riku,"
"I, uh, I... I can't take that from you, Terra," Riku stuttered, swallowing and blinking. "It's... It's—"
"I have children," Terra raised an eyebrow at him. "Just what you think you are?"
Riku paused. Stared. If his mouth could open more in shock, it would. "Are you... Are you serious?"
"I mean," Terra tilted his head a bit. "You're already royalty too, and you know how to fight in case someone tries to be funny, so I don't see a problem." He snorted, then. "I'll have to teach you to wear these clothes, maybe get you to wear something more of your own, but aside of that? Yeah, I'm very sure. Never been more sure of something my whole life."
"You're a King..." Riku whispered in awe. "And it's a secret? Did your master knew?"
"It's why Ansem and Xemnas are so... Annoying," Terra wrinkled his nose. "They got the incredible combination of power hungry old man and ego hurt self exiled King." Riku chuckled and Terra sighed. "It's a secret only you know. He figured after a while. We never really talked about it, since I was Crown Prince when I got rescued and taken from my World. But he made sure I learned everything."
"It's a big secret," Riku quietly wondered.
"I trust you," Terra stared at their hands. "And I want you to trust yourself just as much."
Riku stared at him for a long, quiet moment. Then his eyes got teary again. "You... Really... Do you really see me as that?"
Terra blinked. "I'm used to see everyone as my kids,"
Riku giggled, blinked, looked up. "As sons or daughters?"
"No," Terra whispered truthfully. "That's exclusive to you. I see you as better, Riku. Bright, powerful, just like the flames I showed you."
"I did something awful," Riku said, then, the first tears finally releasing.
"I did many," Terra shrugged. He cleaned the tears from Riku's face and frowned. "You're allowed to commit mistakes, Riku. You're doing everything to make up for it, to earn forgiveness. And you've earned it from everyone except yourself."
Riku hiccuped. Breathed in, struggling. Out. In.
Held back the worst of it, tears still falling in silent contempt. Terra shook his head, pulled Riku to an embrace. Then Riku broke, sobbing, not the quiet and gentle tears he had given Terra before, but raw, unbridled, broken cries. He let the kid cry as much as he wanted. This time there wasn't a Heartless speaking, there wasn't a corrupted version of care and Terra couldn't do what Ansem did — to take his feelings and numb him out. And they both knew how unhealthy that truly was, at the end.
He did what he could do.
Terra gave him a shoulder to cry on.
Notes:
LESGOOOO
Chapter 21: My Arms Belong Around You
Summary:
A real truce between Guardians and what remains.
Notes:
Chapter 19's other half
Yep. Vanitas' side of death :D
btw Dusks and Heartless are still things because, you guessed it, some people aren't willingly dying AND darkness in one's heart can prevail even when the worlds are technically safe from the big bad
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Vanitas usually didn't sleep. Not because he couldn't, but because he had so many nightmares he gave up wanting to close his eyes for long enough it could reach him. This time sleep came to him with soothing cold. Dreamless. It felt as if he was being dragged back to Sora, in a way.
And came out of nowhere, too. He had just ended surveillance around Arendelle, taking some Dusks back to the Realm of Darkness without as much fight as he thought he'd get. They were half sentient still, it was kind like guiding a dog that could speak. He was about to enter a ship — Dark Corridors were working a bit weird in Arendelle after the ginger became Queen — when it happened.
Vanitas was glad his coat was somewhat medieval looking so he didn't had to use magic to adapt to this World. People of the near Kingdoms and Arendelle all thought he was a visiting prince or something like that — things that under the strange Organization cloak he wouldn't need to worry about.
It happened slowly, but truly out of nowhere. First his vision blurred. He blinked, it was back to normal. So Vanitas didn't exactly thought it was a problem of sleep and more so a problem of Light.
Arendelle had too much of it, the magic flow of the World in constant fight, a constant push and pull. And it was a northern continent, so it was naturally cold. Then his legs begun giving in. That wasn't new either, but he managed to keep himself up by spite for long enough to almost enter the ship that was going South of the coninent. Maybe back to Corona.
When he made first few steps on the deck, he got the third signal something was awfully off. He could taste Ventus. Taste himself. Not himself. His other half. Vanitas scowled as his vision blurred again. Someone spoke to him, but he was too busy trying to swallow it down before it became too much. He stumbled forward, ears ringing, yellow spots all over his vision, then they became white, black, blue.
"... Eat...?"
Vanitas' eyes rolled for a moment. It was involuntary.
"Hey!"
A light slap on his shoulder. Vanitas fought for his eyes to stay open. He fought against the urge to bite something until he could taste blood. Ran his nails inside his palm until they could scar.
"... Drink... Thing!" Someone else said, pointing something at Vanitas. He swayed back and forth.
They got him to drink some sort of tea after what felt like eternity. They got him to sit as well. Made him chew on some bread and then gave him a cup of soup for some reason. He did as told, keeping appearances. Not that Vanitas minded disrupting peace at the Worlds he visited, but he had no reason to and he didn't want the Guardians at his back and neck. So when they offered him a warm bed and some sense of security, Vanitas took it.
Maybe it was because they thought he was a prince, but Vanitas wasn't going to correct them nor was he going to reject the opportunity. Darkness was quiet around Arendelle, so he could have Hope and it wouldn't be taken from him and forced onto something dangerous. He could enjoy things as they were and not feel awful about it.
Though he did feel awful naturally. That was how he was, how he came to be. Sleep took him like a plague. Slow and tortuous, fleeting and easily startled. The gentle sway of the ocean didn't help. Sleep kept fighting him and he kept winning, for some reason. Then his eyes gave up. His fingers tingled. Dread settled fast, just like when he had been dragged to Sora's Heart.
And it was when he felt it happening.
Vanitas stopped moving for a whole minute, staring out the window in horror. Pure, dumbfounded horror. There was just no way Ventus would allow that to happen. Allow their Heart to break. Then he shook so violently it made him fall from the bed, heaving. His whole body felt like it was cracking, fast. Too fast. It was leaving, his own essence. He saw it.
How his fingers disintegrated, becoming dust. The pain was overwhelming, overbearing. His shadow broke, moved, searched the whole room. Vanitas curled up sideways, shaking on the floor. Darkness made his arms become arms again. It hurt. Whatever there was left of Ventus inside of him was fleeting and it hurt. In more ways than just physical.
For the first time in centuries, Vanitas felt a pain so deep it made him collapse from exhaustion. When he woke up, he was sweating.
It was warm, hot like the deepest part of the sacred hells. Like he was burning up inside out. Vanitas coughed, forced his eyes awake. The room was the same, no changes at all. No magic. Nothing. It didn't made sense, so dread and confusion became his company for the night, a multitude of glowy red eyes staring at him expecting orders he couldn't give.
Something moved around him. A presence so familiar yet so strange. Not his but his all the same. He was thrown back at Ventus' Station of Waking, like some sort of punishment, and he noticed the Light fleeting Ventus. His Station was crumbling down, The Abyss gladly taking the shards of the cracking glass. Vanitas knelt, utterly lost. How did Ventus even got to break it a second time?
He sung to Light until it paused it's movements and floated around him. It was a simple melody, a quiet little thing. The Station resonated with it again, a memory trying to hold the Heart back together. Vanitas kept singing until he tasted something salty. His own tears. That was a first. He kept singing anyways, enough that he gathered almost all the shards by pure spite. His throat hurt. It didn't matter.
Vanitas thought about fusing back again just to find Ventus. But he knew exactly where Ventus was. Daybreak Town. Scala Ad Caelum. He sung to his Heart again, focused. Sung about the war, about the skies. Things he knew Ventus remembered distantly. He sang about everything he remembered from Sora's Heart too. Light paused as if meddled, moving around the Station in tiny steps. Then it happened.
Light settled inside their Heart. Ventus decided against death. Great. That was good. That was so good. Vanitas allowed Relief to come through, let Darkness abuse it out of himself so Ventus could have it. Allowed Joy to pass by, a minimum.
Darkness didn't made him feel bad for it, didn't weaponized it.
For a moment there was the quiet of the Station and Vanitas' loud, rough breaths. He was terrified, still. Relieved? Yes, but still wholeheartedly afraid. That if he left the Station, his body would have been gone, disappeared in purple dust. Then Chirithy reached out and he snarled. It took only a second for him to understand that Chirithy didn't reach for him again in pure coincidence but by intent. That it meant his body was still in the ship, still on the floor.
So he got away from the Station, forced himself up. Waited a few hours just to make sure the majority of people around the ship was asleep and opened a Dark Corridor. He went directly to Ventus' room, Wards be damned.
It gave him the strongest headaches he had in years.
Kept sending chills down his spine in anxiety.
Vanitas didn't care. Ventus was there, laid over his bed completely motionless. Not even breathing like he'd do when he was in comatose. It was just his body and clothes. Nothing else. No magic, no heartbeat, nothing. Chirithy was crying silently, paws over Ventus' chest as they shook their head lightly.
Vanitas swallowed, forced himself to act normal.
"I fixed it, but it'll take sometime." He mumbled as he propped his back against the door.
Chirithy moved slowly towards him. "You saying you didn't do this?"
Vanitas blinked. The tears formed inside his eyes and he looked back down to Ventus. Didn't answer, but the light gasp he received when they started falling was enough. He hated this. Hated crying. Hated Ventus, more than anything in the universe.
"He'll comeback to you, calm down," Vanitas said, then. "I didn't do anything."
Chirithy nodded, trembling.
He wanted to move the Dream Eater out of the room, to take Ventus and leave, to return to Daybreak Town and let him rest where he wanted to, to drown Ventus and force him awake by fear alone. Wanted to just take Ventus, to hold him, wait for him to wake up on his own, to forget the rest of the universe existed and die together. It was so fucking warm.
Vanitas took off his coat, almost took off his boots as well but didn't. The wards started kicking in against him, making his skin tingle with magic. He threw the coat on his own shadow, let it fall back to the Dark Beach with the other stuff he considered his and his alone. Waited for Chirithy to calm down for real, waited for his tears to stop falling.
Then Ventus woke up fast, falling from the bed, eyes going from white to yellow, to green and finally settling on his pretty silver blue from when they first met instead of the sky blue they had become after Sora's Heart healed him. It happened fast, like light reflecting inside a kaleidoscope. Vanitas didn't spoke much, but he told Ventus the truth, what Chirithy couldn't. That he had wished for death and broke their Hearts on his own. The light of the moon made Ventus look a lot like a ghost, made his eyes shine brighter, made a halo out of his hair. A ghost.
Ventus looked as desperate as he had been when they met in the Graveyard after Xehanort died, if not more. His own words ringed inside his ears as if mocking Vanitas for something he had no control.
You left me, Ventus.
He'd never take responsibility, his Half. That much he knew. It was easier to blame Vanitas like Chirithy was doing than to say he was in the wrong. But then Chirithy left. They were alone. And Vanitas wanted to run his hands on Ventus as much as he could, to make sure that was a living, breathing person and not the Light tricking him on his sleep again.
Ventus was smiling at him without a care in the world, as if he hadn't just died. As if the Final World wasn't ready to take him in slumber.
His smile faulted when Vanitas started crying again, silent tears running down his cheeks. That was priceless. The squirming, the swallow, the stutter in trying to breathe normally. The whole thing. It made Vanitas want to let the faucet open, break it just to watch Ventus break down on inner turmoil.
He felt something inside him slide and then coil up, from his throat to his stomach, when Thunder crept over his fingers. It reached lower inside him and stretched a bit, then recoiled again when Ventus hissed at Thunder being used again.
Anticipation. Anticipation and excitement. Something whispered inside his mind, directly from Ventus' Station. A voice he knew but shouldn't. Soothing, calm, gentle. A voice he had forgotten.
Vanitas let go of Ventus, begrudgingly. He didn't move away, no, but moved enough Ventus could get up and use his hands. And to what use he put his hands to. Of course he'd want Vanitas to stop crying, it went against what he believed and made him shiver with the anxiety of a secret being discovered. He did, after a few seconds, even when he said he didn't want to. It happened from time to time, and it wasn't out of any emotion in particular but physical pain. He wouldn't tell Ventus that.
He felt exhausted, suddenly. It wasn't from the crying, that much he knew. The fear of losing Ventus was gone now, but the fear of sleeping remained. He could deal with that, with the blue and yellow spots dancing around his eyes. What he couldn't deal with was how Ventus seemed genuinely terrified for him, as if he understood how in pain he was. Which was absurd. Ventus didn't knew shit.
Ventus offered him to sleep there as if the wards wouldn't eat him alive. His voice was slurred, tired, and it hurt a little just to speak. But Ventus was trying, and that was enough to convince Vanitas to stay. Because he had Hope, and he needed to focus on something else instead of what he was feeling.
He shouldn't have trusted Ventus for his word, because soon enough his eyes closed — he was so tired he could sleep through the wards taking his essence. Ventus kept him half awake, through pain. It was nice, it was something he knew. They both did.
Then it turned into exploration and Vanitas felt his mind drifting away slowly, not a fight like always, but in blissful silence. Like he was being cradled by soothing cold, not the Wards itself. It was nice. Like a gift and not the nuisance it actually was. For a few seconds, that was all there was.
"Ventus," He let it slip, an afterthought, mostly because he could sense the Station calling him in.
Lost Memory wanted it's Half back and was pulling him in. Then the world paused. Vanitas shrugged and Ventus snorted. He decided that Ventus needed a worse distraction or else they'd Merge and when Chirithy got into the room with Aqua and Terra, they'd find a World Weapon instead of two beings.
Their breathing pattern was awfully uneven, but it was worth it, watching Ventus fight off sleep like he always did. Drag his teeth on his neck just because and not to take. That it kept Ventus half awake was just a bonus. He got to just exist around his Light, and that was worth the wards trying to tear him from existance at every second. Chirithy's return was expected but definitely not welcomed, not to him and apparently not to Ventus either. He got to say what he had been wanting for a while.
That Ventus was way too spoiled. That he should learn to take responsibility for the things that he did instead of blaming on someone else or something else, like it wasn't ever his fault.
The Dream Eater was quick to leave, at least.
And Vanitas needed substance to keep himself from ceasing to exist. Fucking wards. So he tried doing it for himself and not because They had asked. It was different, taking directly without having to share. He could take things more intensely, he could sense the Light creating immediately as he took, giving. And could sense how Ventus acted too, which was new.
That his heartbeat quickened was nothing new, but that he didn't mind having his emotions taken was... Odd. So he wasn't joking when he said he wouldn't mind sharing, huh. He imagined he'd mind if Vanitas took anything good from him, though. So he took Shame, Worry, Anger, Resentment and Guilt. Ventus was more willing to give him than he had been at Dark Beach, which was nice. Definitely odd, but nice.
Trying wouldn't hurt... Him, that was. So he slowly moved his fingers around Light, Lost Memory immediately responding, eager. Wayward Wind assessed him not as an enemy but as a curious cat.
Ventus hummed against his ear. Then Lost Memory welcomed him in, bright, all happy thoughts and silent prayers. Wayward Wind slowly gave in, moving with deliberate slides towards him. He sighed and felt Ventus swallow. So being happy wasn't bad. It was just weird. He didn't took anything from them, just tasted it. Tasted what they were willing to let him try. Light really was something.
"Ventus," He called when he let go, just to see if his Half was conscious enough.
"Hi," Ventus giggled at him, stroke his cheek with a gentle hand. "Your eyes are shining again."
Vanitas rolled his eyes, blinked, joined their foreheads. "So are yours."
Ventus tilted his head a bit. "Is it white?"
"Yeah,"
Ventus snickered. "I'd say you look really pretty like that, but you can't take compliments serious."
"Pretty," Vanitas echoed in a breath, fighting a grimace.
"Yeah," Ventus smiled. "It's pretty, gives you... Some sort of vibe, like you're about to unleash something."
Vanitas made a sound that was between a huff and a snicker. "I'm taking, not unleashing."
He moved a bit and Ventus squirmed. Oh, so the tears weren't the only problem he had, huh. Vanitas snorted and shook his head. Problem child.
"It sounds a bit narcissistic when you say it," Vanitas mumbled. "I'm you, and you think I'm pretty."
Ventus slapped his thigh with a finger. He should have left a bit of Worry and Denial, but this was kind of funny. "We don't look alike."
"So what you're saying is that you think Sora's pretty," Vanitas raised an eyebrow. "I can accept that. I have eyes."
Ventus rolled his eyes. "You're impossible. Just take the compliment."
"I'm flattered," Vanitas hummed against his neck. "That a Guardian of Light thinks a being of Darkness is pretty when it wears the face of a friend."
Ventus moved his hands from the hem of his shirt to... Inside them. And sighed. "Kay. Shapeshift again, then, go back to how you looked before Sora."
Vanitas giggled a bit too breathy and moved up a bit, stared at him with eyebrows raised. "I look exactly like you, dumbass."
Because he did. Just not a perfect copy, that was. He had a feeling Ventus had forgotten that.
"I need to prove you a point," Ventus narrowed his eyes. "And confirm the vision you gave me that other time."
Oh, so he had seen from when he didn't had complete control over the body. Yeah, no. Ventus was asking too much now. But he obliged just to prove a point. Ventus was a problem child and needed to face it already. So he changed back. He changed and got Ventus staring at him as if he was a miracle and not just a quite literal part of him.
The miracle was the rings not stinging either of them.
Ventus just confirmed how much of a problem he was, shrugged it off when Vanitas asked him about it. Of course he couldn't take Ventus' words for it, Ventus had been brainwashed from the beginning. He got pulled by Lost Memory again when he decided to move away a bit and it made him sit again. Moved a finger on Ventus' lip for it to stop quivering. Vanitas knew his Half hadn't even noticed he was on the verge of tears and exhaustion. So he let him sleep.
He got to watch Ventus sleep and not worry he'd never wake up again, got to sense his heart beating against his ears when he laid Ventus on the bed. It was almost as if there was just the two of them again, at the end of the Worlds, where nothing really mattered. That they were exactly where they belonged — with each other. Then the wards wore off him, suddenly. The whiplash made him close his eyes shut. And regret carved itself inside his Heart, as he fought them open again.
Vanitas was about to move up and let his stupid Light sleep when Aqua opened the door gently. They stared at each other without a thought passing by. Then Aqua shook her head and sighed, eyes on Ventus for a second before they went back at him.
"It's for his sake or yours?"
He blinked. What?
"You're here..." Aqua raised an eyebrow. "For his sake or yours?"
Ventus hummed something incoherent. Vanitas narrowed his eyes. Of course Chirithy wouldn't tell Aqua what had happened. Of fucking course.
"What happened when you left him?" Vanitas asked, then.
It sounded a lot more inquisitive and demanding than how he had originally planned to ask. He couldn't care less. They already thought he was Xehanort 2.0, so why not play the part.
"He was cold," Aqua crossed her arms. "Dead cold. Wasn't saying anything coherent, so I casted Sleep over him and called Chirithy."
"Because he was dead, Aqua," Vanitas wrinkled his nose. "What did he do?"
Aqua blinked a few times. "He pulled Rainfell to himself and started speaking nonsense, that's what he did. He was very much alive." She stared at the sleeping princess behind him. "You're gonna wake him like that."
Vanitas scoffed. Moved a hand to his Half's bangs. His original intent was to slap him, just to prove a point, but his hands stood there, gentle, fingertips brushing through soft hair.
"He died, you know," Vanitas murmured. Hated how soft his voice was. "You didn't felt it because Rainfell didn't allow you to feel it. Ansem probably didn't let Terra either. I don't have that luxury. Neither does Chirithy. They called me here."
"Chirithy," Aqua echoed. "Called you here. Why am I not convinced?"
"Because you think I'll always hurt your precious little Venty."
Aqua was quiet for a moment. Her eyes lowered to the floor. "And you're saying you're not going to."
He cradled Ventus' face for a second, moved his fingers to the closed eyes, down his nose, stopped at his lips. "I don't need to, he does it pretty well alone."
"I don't trust you," Aqua murmured.
"So you don't trust him."
She paused. Closed the door behind her when she moved from it's frame and inside the room. She stopped just beside him, knelt, stared at him. For a moment he forgot he hadn't changed back to how they were used to him — Sora's face.
"You look like him, but you're not him." Aqua said with a frown. "Or you're gonna tell me Roxas is Sora?"
Vanitas blinked deliberately slow. "I'm not a Nobody. He got to keep the body. Not a Heartless either. I'm him, even if you don't want to believe it." His eyes twitched a bit with resignation. "It's Ventus that's not me, not the contrary."
Aqua opened her mouth, closed it. Her jaw moved a bit as she processed what he said. "Why you didn't left Xehanort, then? Why fight Ventus?"
Yellow and blue spots grew on his vision as it blurred and doubled over. Vanitas closed his eyes, took a deep breath. "You wouldn't understand. No use trying to explain, because Light has blinded everyone that uses a damned Keyblade, apparently."
"Try me," Aqua mumbled. "Even if I don't believe you, I'd like an explanation, at least."
"I'm what he had always rejected," Vanitas said, then, after a few moments of silence. "As long as he kept rejecting me, I couldn't go back. So ChiBlade it was, it was a way of getting back to him."
"He didn't want you back," Aqua raised an eyebrow. "So you... Forced him to fight you instead?" She grimaced. "You're right, I don't get it. But you're helping. You helped, with the Barrier. You're helping now. Why?"
"I'm not in a leash anymore," Vanitas shrugged. "Darkness isn't chained to the whims of an delusional old man and I am not chained to him either."
Aqua stared at him, tilted her head, lips quivering as if she was fighting off an smile. "If darkness prevailed, you wouldn't have Ventus."
Vanitas sighed. "You don't know what that would mean to the Worlds. Xehanort wasn't right, but he wasn't completely wrong either." He got up. "You would still exist, in a way. Just not the way you wanted to. Not a World you would want. Forced balance and feigned balance aren't that different."
He knew what he said made no sense for her, but it was needed to be said. It was past the point the Guardians understood what they were fighting for. Aqua sit where he left, hands grabbing Ventus' immediately, and Vanitas snorted. Projection went for miles on the side of the Light. It was easy to blame someone else for their own problems.
"You know," Vanitas hummed. "You're doing exactly what Xehanort did, in a way. It's just that all of you fight for the Light instead of Darkness."
Aqua frowned at him. Scoffed. "We're nothing like him."
"You're right," Vanitas got his hands up. "You're exactly like Eraqus."
Aqua's eyes widened and she opened her mouth to retort his point but he kept going.
"I can't wait until one of you break down the same way he did for a minor thing that could be resolved by talking." He shrugged off the spell she almost casted over the room and her eyes widened more. "You're trying to get him to speak more about what it is that he want, but if you don't like the answer you'd just ignore what he said."
Her lips quivered from an entirely different reason, then. Aqua took a deep breath. Nodded. "You're right. Loathe to admit it as I am, you are. He told me he wants you around, that he wants to be a little selfish now that we don't really need to fight."
"And you don't like that at all." Vanitas opened the door. "Don't worry, I'll not break your precious sleeping princess. I'm him, afterall. We would both die, and there's no fun in that."
"You weren't lying when you said he died, were you?" Aqua asked quietly before Vanitas left.
"No," He breathed out. He smiled, a weak and genuine little thing, and Aqua's eyes glistened with a multitude of unsaid feelings. "I've never felt this desperate my whole life."
She swallowed, looked down. Said something to herself and got up. Walked towards him and before Vanitas could ran off on his shadow, she gently put his hands on hers. He immediately grimaced.
"Alright." Aqua sighed. "You can stay. The wards are off, they'll stay off until you leave."
He blinked a few times. Frowned. "I don't need your pity."
"It's not pity," She assured. "I don't like this either. This is for Ventus and Ventus alone."
Vanitas stared ar his Half. Breathed out. It hitched.
Shit. Aqua gasped lightly. "You're..."
Crying. Vanitas was crying. Genuinely. It wasn't physical pain, like always. It was the Station reacting.
It was Ventus reacting.
Notes:
I love canon divergence
Chapter 22: All is Soft Inside
Summary:
Ventus realizes he has words to say. And those words bubble, conjured, thought. But they remain inside, hidden where they are safe and sound. He doesn't know if his Half wants to hear them.
Notes:
All that I know lies within Emotion, words remain unspoken... Lead me through the dark
(All is Soft Inside — Aurora)
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It took Ventus time to open his eyes. His mind was blissfully quiet, his Heart steady, and Lost Memory wasn't nagging at his mind asking whatever thing that crossed his path on his dream that looked darkness shaped to stay and complete it. He didn't even dream, not good not bad. When he opened his eyes, he was met with... Well. The absence of light.
But it didn't scare him. What scared him was that it was late already. Evening, even. He slept for a whole day, he was almost sure. It tickled his nose. Hair. Ventus moved a bit, breathed in. Lemons. He tried to remember the last thing he did before sleeping.
Ventus pulled lightly at the hair and Vanitas opened his eyes, pupils dilating but not focusing.
"Did—" Ventus blinked slowly. "Did you get some sleep?"
Vanitas' lips parted a bit, the eyes rolled in a way that seemed more like he was still sleeping than that he was annoyed. He didn't answer either, so Ventus giggled lightly. He never got to see his Half sleeping, and probably never would if he hadn't done something really awful to them both. And his friends. Because they'd miss him. They'd miss him the way he missed Sora, and he didn't want anyone to feel what he was feeling everyday.
He imagined it was why Kairi chose to have her Heart opened and Riku was always distant from everyone that wasn't Ventus himself or Terra. Vanitas stiffened when he let go of his hair and scratched his scalp in a gentle caress instead.
"You should rest more," He whispered, joining their foreheads again.
"You should shut up," Was grumbled back at him.
Ventus snorted through his nose but didn't say anything else, simply existing beside his Half. Never on his life after the War had he slept this well, he was very sure. Not that he was blaming anyone but himself on that. Maybe the old Masters, but aside of that, not anyone else. Vanitas' nails ran inside his shirts and Ventus paused for a moment, blinked. That was going to bruise for sure. Not that Vanitas cared at all, or Ventus for that matter. He hummed a bit, his other hand running over Vanitas' neck, feather light.
They were breathing each other's air, in synchrony. There was a different kind of quiet inside his Heart. Not as if it was missing something, like it always did. More like it was finally completed, as if it had finally settled it's inner battles. Truth to be told, Ventus hadn't felt fully completed ever since... He paused.
"You're not weak, Ven. You're kind."
Vanitas slowly opened his eyes again. Gold like the sun, red clouds around emptiness. Like an Eclipse.
"Stop," Vanitas grumbled again.
Ventus blinked. "Stop what?"
"It's your own face," Vanitas frowned. "Stop looking at me like that."
Ventus wanted to hug him. Apologize. Bite. Apologize again. Bite more. Cradle Vanitas until he couldn't ever leave. Make him bleed, drink from him until there was nothing of either of them left. He settled on a smile and a huffed chuckle.
"Sorry," He murmured. "It's my face, sure, but it's you wearing it."
"Don't tell me you're like this with Roxas as well," Vanitas grimaced. "That's disgusting."
Ventus chuckled again, lighter, louder. "I think if he had been given time, Sora would. With Roxas."
Vanitas rolled his eyes. "Gods Above," He sighed. "Go back to sleep, Ventus."
Ventus' smile slowly faded. His sleepy eyes showed more concern than his voice did. "Will you stay?"
Vanitas' fingers dragged again, nails digging deeper. His eyes had closed, already. He didn't say a word, but there was none needed after that. Not from him, at least. Ventus gave in and hugged him.
"Sorry," He mumbled. "I didn't thought... I didn't thought. I wasn't thinking."
"And when do you, ever," Vanitas breathed in, hid against his neck.
Ventus felt the tears struck them both at the same time. He didn't knew he wanted to cry, but when they came, it was as if it made sense. That it was right to cry over it. To simply cry, too. He must have been feeling pretty bad if he wanted to cry. Their breaths hitched almost at the same time, too.
And it was there that everything they spoke about in the white city made sense to him. Vanitas really was Ventus, but Ventus wasn't Vanitas at all. He wanted his feelings gone, wanted the people around him to persevere, but he never really thought about himself aside of having them. Vanitas did. Because he didn't had any of what Ventus did, in the most material way. He had Darkness and Ventus. Just that.
He wanted to be put out of his misery even if the misery was self inflicted, and Vanitas didn't. Vanitas wanted to live. Even with the suffering that it brought, with all the grieving, all the losses. How come his negativity was brighter than his Light?
What the Foretellers used to say made more sense now, too. That to fight for the light they couldn't be afraid of the dark. Not because the dark was to be feared, but because they needed to make sense of it. And no one can make sense of what's in the dark if they don't understand it. He had disregarded his own negativity in order to be the perfectly cute kid. The kind one, the one always in need of protection. That he could take insult with a smile always, that he didn't had half his Heart to react to it. He had.
"Vanitas," He called, then.
It was rare for him to do so, he usually would evade saying his Half's name for the sake of not bringing all of his own questions to the forefront of his mind.
"Hm?"
He almost said too much. It almost escaped from his lips without a care in the world. He choked on the words sitting on his tongue and giggled nervously.
"Were you always like this?" He asked, because he wanted to ask.
Because it was easier to ask than to say what was sitting there, barely hidden inside his mouth. He was almost sure that if Vanitas moved up, stared at him, he'd see it and Ventus wouldn't need to say it.
And he had asked that before, too, when he got that Vision from Vanitas at the Dark Beach. Ventus remembered that one very vividly, but he never said a word about aside of that question. Never let it affect him so much he would dream of it, so Chirithy wouldn't see it too. Ventus knew how darkness amplified what was already inside one's Heart, just as did Light. It was introspection and connections, dark and light, but he wanted to be sure. All the feelings he felt during that Vision, how drunk dazed he felt when his younger self gave him attention, how relieved he was when his younger self didn't mind the weird things he requested, how he...
Loved it.
Loved that they were finally talking again.
"Like what?" Vanitas murmured, barely above a whisper, right on his ear.
A lot more softer than the first time. A lot more softer than anyone had ever spoken to him, even his parents, because try as they did — all of them, the biological, the Union Leaders, Aqua and Terra — they would never achieve what Vanitas could.
Be inside his Heart without being directly inside of him. Be him and not him at the same time. Know what Ventus needed and wanted by just looking at him, without as much as change in how Ventus looked back. It was something only Vanitas could do and offer, and they... Chose not to use it.
"You said not everything you feel is bad," Ventus breathed in. Braced for impact. "So what I saw... How you brought me back. All of that. Was it... Did it hurt?"
"Hurt?"
"Not physically," Ventus grimaced.
Dancing around it wouldn't solve the problem, he knew as much, but he didn't care. This was better than nothing. Than what they had before. A truce. He sighed, shaky breath, eyes wet again. Then Vanitas chuckled, soft, quiet, genuine. Weak, so, so weak.
"I don't know what you saw, Ventus," He mumbled.
Oh. Ventus swallowed. Smiled. "We were at The Badlands. You... Uhm. Darkness requested to go back inside my Heart, I guess. I was real desperate, crying and all. They—you. Whatever." He scrunched his nose. "That got me to calm down because I knew neither of you would leave me again if you were inside... Me? So, uh..."
"You saw it from your side or mine?"
"Yours."
They both went quiet. Ventus felt his Half moving up a little. Great, he was going to leave. Ventus closed his eyes for a moment. That was probably for the best, even if he didn't want Vanitas to leave. But then he got impossibly closer, arms wrapped around Ventus in a way that would be funny if it wasn't so possessive. And genuinely caring. Like he knew how much pressure in a hug Ventus could take without feeling constricted — he wanted to mentally slap himself. Of course he did, he was Ventus. It was funny to him that they both searched for skin contact with each other, that they wanted it to linger and bruise as much as their words did to one another.
"What did you feel?" Vanitas hummed.
"Relief," Ventus said immediately. "Like I could lose myself on it. Joy, I guess? Like, I was genuinely happy, happy that I got spoken to, that it was... Me. That I was acknowledged for being there."
Vanitas gave him something close to a nod.
"I wanted to bite something," He giggled. "And, uh... This will sound really weird."
"You are weird, Ventus," Vanitas breathed. "Go ahead."
"I wanted to see my younger self crying." He grimaced and Vanitas made a sound that was close to a snicker but more so huffed it. "Do you think I'm pretty when I'm crying? Because that's what I felt like when I got that Vision, like you wanted me to cry more because it made you happy that I was crying."
"I don't get happy when you're crying," Vanitas mumbled. "Is that what you felt? Like you were happy?"
"Not happy kind of happy," Ventus forced his eyes shut. "That other kind of happy."
Vanitas snorted. "There's another kind of happy?"
"You know what I meant."
"Mmm," Vanitas pulled away a bit. Stared at him. "Problem child."
Ventus blinked. "What?"
"I know what you mean," Vanitas' lips curled up, but the half grin was gone as soon as it had been revealed. "No. It doesn't hurt when I feel things, it hurts when they're taken. As for how I got you back from your little stunt,"
He stared right into Ventus' eyes.
Master Eraqus had said once that the eyes were windows to the very soul of a person. That you could see their truths and lies by just focusing enough, and Ventus always did tried to. It was no wonder he never achieved that power to see someone's soul that master Eraqus had. Or he thought he had. It wasn't something the Light did. It was something Darkness could. Because Vanitas had just did it, very different from how master Eraqus would. He wasn't searching, he wasn't staring, he was just... Looking.
"Mom used to sing you awake," Vanitas said. "Every single day. Never missed it. Not until you summoned your Keyblade, until you left for Fountain Square to join the Keybearers."
Ventus felt his breath heavy on his lungs, vision blurred. He could see golden, could still feel Vanitas' arms around him, grounding, could still feel his breath on his face. Yet felt as if he wasn't there at all. As if he was a ghost of someone that shouldn't exist anymore. Of a time that was long gone. It hurt.
"You... Sing to me?" Ventus asked in a whisper. "When I'm hurt... You sing to me?"
"Isn't it funny?" Vanitas said and snickered. "When I'm hurt, you scream at me. I told you why darkness existis inside a Heart, Venty. It's to protect the light, it's the foundation of the Station."
Ventus breathed in a sharp little thing. "I'm sorry," He said, wet and teary and broken and so, so small. "I don't want to hurt you, I'm sorry."
Vanitas sighed, eyes closing. "That's what I exist for."
"It's not," Ventus mumbled through his tears. "We're the same Heart, not the same person, you said it yourself. If I'm hurting you, you should tell me."
"Tell you," Vanitas echoed with a breathy chuckle. "Ventus, you almost killed us both because you couldn't stand your own grief."
"No one taught me how to," Ventus murmured. "Do you know how to?"
"It's the only thing I'm good at," Vanitas said with a slow blink. "Ever since I was taken from you. Grief was the first thing I ever felt outside of you, Ventus."
Ventus stared at him, mouth agape.
"Why do you think you felt relieved when you were seeing things from my perspective at The Badlands?" Vanitas pouted. "I need you. You don't, but I do."
His tears renewed for an entirely different reason. His mouth stretched into a wide, wide smile. His vision felt off not only for the tears releasing. Tunnel vision, almost. He could only focus on one thing at the time, but all he did want to focus was Vanitas. His mind shut down, everything he could think was one word and one feeling. Kept them repeating in a endless loop, wrapped them inside his Heart with enough force to push it through the Station.
"The fuck, Ventus," Vanitas grimaced.
But Ventus didn't care. They kept repeating as his laughter released from his throat, breathy and eager, almost disoriented in a way. He felt giddy. So Vanitas couldn't blame him for how he acted; he could say he wasn't thinking at all and it wouldn't even be a lie. Because he wasn't.
When he jumped over his Half, straddling him, wasn't because he was thinking. Not exactly. He got to kiss Vanitas' forehead, kiss his pretty tears away, the bridge of his nose, the corners of his lips, his jaw. Vanitas sighed in exasperation, but other than that, he didn't do anything to remove Ventus from where he was. Didn't even push him away. The words kept the resonance, from Ventus' Station to Vanitas' half of the Heart. At some point Vanitas smiled too, small, barely there, just as soft as his giggles. His arms were still wrapped around Ventus and for a minute or two, nothing outside of this, of just them, of their union even mattered.
Ventus was still crying, as was Vanitas, but they were happy tears, so he didn't bother. Not really.
"You're way too happy," Vanitas mumbled and sniffed. "Get off."
Ventus giggled, kissed the tears that kept falling. He wanted to ask if that was what he truly wanted but the moment the question was formed it disappeared inside his mind. It didn't matter. One word, one feeling. Do something, do something, do something. He felt one hand disentangle from his side and move to his hair. It pulled. Ventus sighed, joined their foreheads, giggled again.
Joy bubbled inside him, begging to release. It took him half by surprise when the hand tugged harder at his hair. It made him chuckle when it tugged again with enough force to actually hurt. He laughed when Vanitas pulled him by the waist and dropped him on the bed. Not that it was funny, no, but that this really got him — it didn't hurt him either, but he could sense Vanitas' side of the Heart. For the first time.
He could sense how fast his emotions moved, how his feelings leaked from his Heart, how The Abyss drank from it, how it fed Darkness itself. He could sense each and every one of them, too. The ones that Ventus felt he himself couldn't handle.
Vanitas blinked down at him with a poker face. "There. Done and answered. If you want to die so badly just give a heads up next time." He wrinkled his nose a bit. "I don't like surprises."
Fear, resentment, grief, need.
Ventus chuckled again. "Or you could help me." He patted the side of the bed where Vanitas had been laid. "And stay. You know, like a normal person."
Vanitas raised an eyebrow. "Help you,"
"Yeah," He grinned. "You tell me if something I'm doing is hurting you, because... You know. We're the same Heart. And I do something for you in return."
"Ventus,"
Ventus sit up. "Whatever you want."
Need.
Ventus' grin widened a bit. Vanitas stared at him like he'd stare at a particularly unpleasant bug, but Ventus could still sense his half of the Heart, though less than before. He felt the ring warm around his finger but it didn't stung him at all. Almost as if this was the right way it should be used instead of whatever it was the two of them were doing before.
Want.
That wasn't there before. It was very bright, but it had the deepest shadow too. It was the kind of feeling Ventus thought was too much for him, the ones he hid. It came down inside Vanitas like one damned waterfall. His Half's face didn't betray any of what his Heart was feeling. If anything he looked annoyed, not as if he wanted something. Maybe he was processing what Ventus said and the particular feeling matched the word he said. Vanitas sit back down with a huff and a frown.
"I don't want anything," He narrowed his eyes at Ventus. "No. Wait." He forced a smile. "Ah, yes. I do. I want you to leave me be. You know, as in, stop annoying me? Yeah. Think you can do that?"
"Okay," Ventus beamed. "I can do that."
"Sadly, your whole existance is annoying."
Ventus snickered. "Oh, well." He shrugged. "Kill me, then. That'll help!"
"Don't tempt me," Vanitas gestured vaguely. "I told your babysitter I wouldn't, but since you're asking so nicely..."
"Didn't you just say you need me?" Ventus murmured, eyes lowered, but still smiling. "I can try not to annoy you but you can't kill me."
"I said that?" Vanitas tilted his head.
Ventus moved closer, sit beside him, then he narrowed his eyes and sighed. Snickered. "Mhm,"
Moved closer still, put his hand on his Half's own, intertwining their fingers slowly. He tested it, if he was going to get pushed away again or not. He decided to tighten his hold on their hands just a bit. And there it was, again. The leaking. But Vanitas didn't move, didn't even breath differently. There was something behind his eyes, yes, but the intensity of how it was inside his Heart was different from it.
"So I said I need you," Vanitas turned his head slowly towards Ventus. Leaned in. "And you decided that kissing me was the way to go."
Ventus blinked slowly. Very slow. He felt heat creeping at his ears, spreading to his cheeks.
"You have such a way with words," Ventus mumbled and Vanitas snickered. "I wasn't thinking. I was just happy."
"You are a narcissist, wow."
"Oh, come on!" Ventus rolled his eyes. "You'd be happy if I said that I need you too."
Vanitas raised an eyebrow at him. "Would I?"
Ventus glared at him. Until he felt the ring getting warmer, not stinging, not yet, but warmer than before. His whole Heart pulled at something inside, made his fingers tingle. Whole. His eyes widened a bit, and he stared at Vanitas in awe. Their Halfs were beating in sync. Completely. As in, they were feeling the exact same thing at the same intensity.
"You ARE!" He jumped. Hugged his Half tight.
They fell from the bed.
"Let—"
The door opened. "Good evening, Ven... Tus?" Chirithy tilted their head. "Oh, you're still here."
Vanitas growled, the shadows grew darker and the lights in the room dimmed to the point of flickering. Ventus wasn't letting go any time soon, but Chirithy didn't seem to notice it was him one that was attached and not Vanitas, since Chirithy pinned their ears against their head and showed teeth at Vanitas. One second they saw Chirithy pounce, the other they were at another room.
It wasn't at the Castle, nor was it any other room Ventus had been before. It almost looked like a better version of the broken room Ventus saw at destroyed Daybreak Town, but that didn't really made sense. It was in the Realm of Darkness, also.
Ventus wasn't letting go anytime soon. His Heart finally felt completed, and they didn't even needed all the fancy monologuing from either Eraqus or Xehanort for it to happen. They just needed to talk. How ironic. How funny. Ventus felt lightheaded. There was just so much going on with his mind he forgot what was going on with his body. Shivering, crying, biting. He almost felt intoxicated with joy, like he'd be when his dad made him steel trinkets or when Darkness chose him as a friend the first time.
"Kay," Vanitas mumbled. "Get off."
Ventus shuddered. "Not yet."
"No, you don't—" Vanitas narrowed his eyes when Ventus bit one of his fingers. "You're absorbing the Unversed, dumbass, get off."
"It's fine," Ventus giggled, breathy. "It's a gift."
"It's poison, Ventus," Vanitas closed his eyes.
"Are you in pain?" He asked, then, leaning in until their foreheads joined again. "You're warmer."
"It's not pain, no," Vanitas mumbled, hand absently tugging at the hem of Ven's shirts. "Stop biting me, that's not very healthy of you."
"Did you know your blood tastes really funny?"
Vanitas sighed. "Gods Above,"
"You taste like caramel," Ventus nodded slightly. "Are you hurt? Like, not physically?"
"I'm not hurt,"
Ventus grinned. "So we're fine," He whispered.
Vanitas groaned. For a moment they were quietly waiting on the floor, for some other thing to happen. For fate to bring them apart again. For some sort of interruption of the devine. Nothing happened. The Heart was still beating in synchrony, still the harmony of one voice, a song being sung from the center of the Station, calm and gentle and quiet. Nothing like they were. It was soothing, in a way.
"You didn't answer," Ventus murmured.
"Hm?"
"Were you always like this?"
Vanitas snickered. "You need to be more specific, Venty. Like what?"
"Lonely," Ventus found himself saying before he could stop. "Was it always like this after you were taken away?"
"Darkness as a force didn't made me like this," Vanitas said and swallowed. "That was Xehanort. They didn't broke you when they took me, you're just... Easy to victimize. Xehanort actually hurt you."
"I know that,"
"You know but you don't understand." The hand on his shirt moved, cupped his face.
Ventus opened his eyes. Golden eyes stared at him and... And Ventus didn't knew he could be stared like that, ever. It was different from how his parents looked at him, different from how everyone else did.
It was exactly how he had looked at his younger self in that vision. No more, no less. And he knew what that meant, in a way, he just couldn't say it. Could not bring himself to put the words inside his mouth, bring them from his very soul and spill it out. Because he was afraid of it. All of it. He had always wanted it, in a way, just never from where he could get it. He wanted it from his friends, his family, his mentors, the ones he considered more than others. From where he knew he wouldn't get it unless filtered, because that's how he saw it being given.
Filtered. And Vanitas didn't. He didn't need to filter it. He simply was, and let it be inside of him too, where Sora had been mercy, Vanitas had been indifference — because Sora filtered his desperation and Vanitas didn't. It was kind of ironic that they looked one in the same. Vanitas had said Sora fixed the part of Ventus that Xehanort broke and he wasn't lying about that either. They were antonyms.
Ventus' eyes lingered somewhere else. "You did?"
"Not at first," Vanitas scowled. "Not before you got us inside Sora."
Ventus chuckled humorless but didn't say a word. Fingers moved from his face to his hair, combed it lightly, tugged. Pulled. Released. Pulled again.
"It's because I need you that I'm lonely," Vanitas said, then, barely words, barely above a whisper.
"You have me," Ventus said, trembling words in a hurried whisper. "I don't want to hurt you."
"You did it for twelve years."
"I know. I'm sorry."
"You did now, trying to cease to exist."
"I know,"
Vanitas giggled. "And you keep saying you don't wanna hurt me when you're actively hurting me."
"I don't know how to stop," Ventus sit up slowly. "I shouldn't be alive, neither of all the Union Leaders should. Skuld, Marluxia... We should be dead."
"Kay," Vanitas sit up too. Both his hands cradled Ven's cheeks. "Let's put it like this, then. You're needed. You're a vessel. You know that. But... You're you. Very annoyingly so. It's why you're a vessel, too. Because We want you the way you are."
Ventus blinked, sighed, shifted. Frowned, then.
"And I," Vanitas rolled his eyes. "Need you. How many times you want me to repeat it? That I wouldn't choose to be anyone else, because I'm you, and I'm fine with it. You survived, Venty, hoorray! Get a hold of yourself, stop doing to your mind what Xehanort did to our Heart."
Ventus bit his lip, released it. Stared at Vanitas' pout. Giggled, soft and quiet. "You think I'm breaking my mind?"
"That's a fact, not just me thinking it." Vanitas blinked slowly at him. "I don't want to deal with this. But I'm you, so I have to. I'm never gonna leave you, but you..." He smiled. "You're always free to leave me."
"I don't—"
"I'm the part of you that feels the most," Vanitas said then hummed. "I was made to endure everything you felt you couldn't. And because Light keeps blinding you, you go everywhere else for it instead of where you're supposed to." He snickered. "You keep saying you don't wanna hurt me, but I want you to."
Ventus swallowed and Vanitas sighed.
"Just not the way you just did."
"Okay," Ventus breathed out. "Not by... Wishing whatever it is I wished for." Pressure built inside of him and Ventus shivered again. "If I'm getting blinded left and right, then, uh... How..."
"That's what the rings are for,"
"Huh?"
Vanitas shrugged lightly. "They're for you to..." He trailed off and grimaced. "They're there to reflect your Light back to me. So when you're feeling more than you should, it goes to me instead so we don't have to be inside the Station, but you kept feeding Them instead and." Vanitas gave him a poignant glare. "Look where it got you."
"So I can't be curious," Ventus wrinkled his nose. "Got it."
"You can," Vanitas raised an eyebrow at him. "You just have to be smart about it."
"So..." Ventus blinked a few times. "Does this means you're gonna help me?"
"Call it an intervention," Vanitas gestured vaguely. "You can't keep feeding Them, I can't keep fighting your problems for you. Anyways, it's not help if it's something you need." He grimaced again. "You're gonna make me go insane again."
Ventus stared at him through his eyelashes, grinning.
"Again?"
"Get up."
"What do you mean again?"
"Ventus, get up."
Ventus kept smiling as he got up slightly, patted Vanitas' shoulders, moved his hands to his neck, then cheeks. "Why do you need me?"
Vanitas glared at him. "Because I'm you. Get up."
His fingers brushed against hair, and he moved his Half's head up a little. Eclipsed eyes stared back at him, more dark than gold and red. He giggled.
"Kay," Ventus breathed. "So you're staying."
Vanitas' irises turned entirely black. "I'm staying."
Notes:
I AM SO NORMAL ABOUT THIS CHAPTER SO SO NORMAL
Chapter 23: Gentle Earthquakes
Summary:
Riku makes a discovery.
Notes:
Hello, I'm back after a horrible writer's block. These weeks have been HARD but finally I received some good news... Well this chapter was sitting unfinished since the last day of may, and I only got to finish it yesterday so haha well
enjoy? I guess?
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Chirithy made sure every ward was back up as soon as they left Ven's room. It threw people off that the Dream Eater was so adamant in having it back on without any explanations. Aqua knew what they did to Vanitas to some degree. Merlin and YenSid had explained it for her — she was not a mage, and the old runes were made when she didn't even exist.
When Ventus got out of the room and went to the showers, he didn't spoke much to anyone. He didn't do anything aside of that either, just got dinner and went back to his room. When Aqua tried to get inside after knocking, she learned he had locked it. Ventus never locked his door, he never had. Chirithy was a nervous wreck after Aqua told the Dream Eater and Terra about it. Terra just frowned, stared at the general direction of the room and shook his head. There wasn't much they could do if Ventus wasn't allowing them to speak with him.
It was only after the visiting friends pointed out some inconsistent information they had that the Guardians stopped and reevaluated everything they knew about Ventus — and exactly why Vanitas said they didn't knew him at all. They knew he was sixteen, but that was what Xehanort told them and Marluxia somewhat confirmed. Ventus never really said a word about it, but according to Terra he was fine being the youngest of them.
They didn't knew when his birthday was or on which month it was. Eraqus never said anything about it, even though he was the only one aside of Xehanort that ever had access to Ventus' Light in pure form.
And they did not had Eraqus anymore. Ventus didn't remember his parents, his former friends before being part of the new Union Leaders and worst of all, the Light inside his Heart didn't seem to understand it was supposedly healed already, so his Heart kept leaking darkness. They didn't knew what Ventus liked or not — before Eraqus decided for him, that is. Ventus had a very difficult fighting stance that neither Skuld nor Marluxia had, so it was definitely not learned from them. Chirithy didn't had his memories before he was a Keyblade Wielder, only that of when he joined them, and they didn't had the years Ventus spent with the Guardians either, so it was back to assumptions more than facts.
The Guardians knew Ventus' personality — calm, cheerful, bright but not always optimistic. They didn't knew anything else. It bothered Aqua to no end that the times Ventus truly opened up with them, he was lonely and sad. Once when Eraqus tried to kill him and then when he said he wanted to be selfish. Now he was locking himself up, and they didn't knew what to do. That was when Riku brought up that Ventus cried with him after the second Twilight Town incident. It made Aqua's blood boil, that Ventus didn't thought about letting her in on this. Or Terra.
She had let Vanitas take him, had let him stay now, and Ventus was getting worse. She stared at Riku. Paused, swallowed. Riku frowned at his plate. Xion sighed, moved, didn't get up. It was Isa that got up first, blinking slowly and deliberately.
"It's not a mismanagement of his time, if that's what you're thinking," He said to Aqua after he washed his dishes.
Aqua gaped. Because it was. She did think that having Ventus around Vanitas was a poor choice of distraction for him — even if he said he wanted it.
Isa continued. "He doesn't understand his own feelings, his memories, none of it."
"You speak of it as if you understand what's happening to him all the while it seems to not have happened to you," Chirithy murmured. "Poetic levels of empathy."
Lea, Terra and Roxas all grimaced in different levels of uncomfortable grief. Xion squinted her eyes.
"We were called Nobodies before we were considered humans, Chirithy, is all," She said. "I know you're angry and sad, bu firing at us won't do what you think it will."
Chirithy breathed in. "I understand it may have come off as harsh, but I truly believe it is poetic that the now fully formed Somebodies can relate to a World Weapon." They nodded to Xion. "A Nobody and a World Weapon are very different things. A Nobody is a husk with enough willpower to retain memories. A World Weapon is not."
"Enlighten me, then," Isa's brows creased before his face turned neutral again. "I am familiar with the story of Ventus' fusion, but what it is he became?"
"Yeah, what do you mean World weapon? That sounds terrifying," Roxas asked, then, frowning.
Riku swallowed, eyes lowered. Aqua breathed in, counted, breathed out. She never understood what that term meant, either. Ventus became the wielder of the ChiBlade, not the thing itself... Right? She remembered hearing both Vanitas' and Ventus' voices when the body spoke, remembered Ventus' eyes glowing in that horrible yellow, the Key on his hands, the words he spoke, but... It was still Ventus.
"Worlds in Between do not contain the same amount of Light and Dark," Chirithy explained. "So Outer Worlds either have more Light or more Darkness, Nuclear Worlds have the Princesses of Heart as their guides, and Center Worlds may or may not have a guiding Light."
Chirithy shook their head. "Thirteen shards of Pure Darkness, as in the force behind the magic, the intent, are part of the ChiBlade, the same for Seven Pure Lights. The ones that can wield the ChiBlade were considered, in legend, true wielders." They let their claws out, hissing. "But if a Heart contains Pure Darkness and Pure Light, not only it's own light and dark, the Heart itself becomes a World Weapon — the personification of the legendary ChiBlade."
Naminé's eyes grew. "But Ven's Heart only became Pure Light when he was inside Sora, no?"
"Yes," Chirithy sighed. "His Heart is overproducing darkness to compensate for the loss of his own. I don't understand why he is so adamant on having Vanitas around him when he is already complete."
"Holy major brainache story," Lea mumbled.
Terra stared hard at the windows. Crossed his arms and frowned. Aqua narrowed her eyes.
"Terra," She called and he jumped on his sit.
Everyone stared at him. He smiled sheepishly and scratched his neck, swallowing his nervous giggle.
"Hi?"
"You spoke to him about it, you said so," Aqua waved around. "So... Did he say something important?"
Terra raised an eyebrow at her. "Other than saying he feels hollow?"
Riku frown deepened. "What? He said that?"
Xion's eyes went wide, head turning from Naminé to Riku. Her eyes stood ground on Riku, which was not only uncomfortable, it was rare. Roxas snarled and shook his head. Isa and Lea exchanged glances, but other than that, did nothing. Aqua breathed in.
"When did he say that?" Chirithy inquired.
"Does it matter?" Terra sighed. "It's what he said. I told Aqua and I'm telling all of you now." He glared at the windows. "Let him breathe. He'll get to us on his own time."
"What if he doesn't have that?" Chirithy urges.
Aqua glared at him. "What if he doesn't come?"
Terra gave them an exasperated sigh and got up. "Good night to you, guys," He gestured towards their friends. "I'm gonna talk to Ventus through the door."
And with that, he left. There was a beat of silence in the room before Aqua took everyone's dishes to the community kitchen. Then, everyone started talking, speculation going, at the same time. Aqua was thankful that Mickey and Merlin were away. They came for training earlier the day and Merlin was a guest. Time flew so fast it was Merlin that pointed out they needed to go home — that was when Aqua offered the spare rooms in the Castle.
She didn't felt a harmful intent on what Terra said, but it stung anyhow. Because Ventus denied all of them the access to him when he came down to get his plate, only nodding towards them with a forced smile and going back to his room. She hadn't tried speaking, as stupid as it sounded, before trying to get inside his room. Six months in and Aqua still harbored the fears of the exact moment she got out of the Realm of Darkness. It was why she felt so guilty around Riku in the first place.
"Riku," Xion started very slow.
That got Aqua's attention. Riku looked off, pupils shrunk, eyes wet with unreleased tears, fingers lightly tapping the cutlery. He kept staring at Chirithy's claws — or where they should be. Aqua swallowed her questions and sighed.
"I'm sorry, guys," She said, honestly.
Lea shook his head. "It's not you, Aqua,"
Chirithy mumbled something and got up. "It's my fault he's acting like this."
A collective "Huh?" was heard on the common area.
"I entered the room to see if he was still asleep and found them on the ground," Chirithy fliched as if the memory haunted them for some reason. "I thought Darkness was trying— I was only looking after Ven, but if my guesses are right, I disappointed him immensely."
Riku got up slowly. His breath was as shaky as his hands. "Master Aqua, can I see the rooms?"
He looked haunted — genuinely so.
***
It took Ventus time, way too much time, for him to even consider coming back from the Dark Beach. He knows it'll look bad if he doesn't go home. But then again, he had one too many homes now. He woke up on his bed with a hissing sound and the hollow echo of longing inside his Heart. Ventus didn't want to speak with anyone, not because he was angry but because he didn't trust his own voice not to break.
He didn't want to ask for help with something no one could help, anyhow. Ventus had already spoken about it with Terra, too, so there wasn't much to do. He didn't want to bother anyone — especially Aqua — over his little problem with Darkness.
His locked bedroom will probably cause some disturbance and yet another gap between him and his keepers — his friends. He doesn't want it to, yet he doesn't care enough to unlock it when Terra starts speaking with him through it.
"It's okay, Ven," Terra muttered after knocking twice. "You don't have to open it. Just, uh, give me a sign you're hearing it and not sleeping."
Ventus stared at the door for a few seconds. He threw a book at the door, then, feeling an empty sense of annoyance flowing around his Heart. Terra snickered at it, said something quiet and distant.
"Kay, listen," Terra said a bit louder. "Our friends are all going to stay here for tonight! It's not a sleepover, it's more of a happenstance."
Ventus squinted his eyes at the words. Sighed and threw another book. It didn't hit the door with as much force as the first one. Terra chuckled.
"I'll do a little bit of surveillance," Terra warned, then. "And if you want... You can come pray with me."
Ventus stared, lips parted and eyes wide, at the door. That was... A nice offering. It was a way to distract himself, a way of not feeling completely at loss with his own mind and Heart. That Terra offered was a bit too much of a comfort than it had any right to be. Ventus got out the bed and opened the door.
"Okay," Ventus muttered and Terra smiled at him. "We can do surveillance together too."
Terra's eyes narrowed for a second before he gave Ventus a genuine smile, eyes squinting as he giggled. Ventus tried to smile too, but he felt hollow as he tried. Terra scratched Ventus' hair, shaking his head and clicking his tongue. They walked off the Castle with one purpose and returned empty handed, but it was better this way. No Heartless and no Unversed. When they got inside Terra's secret little room for his prayers, Ventus focused his eyes on the wooden shrine's candle. Waited for it to lit up. His eyes traced every single scriptures carved on both the candle and the shrine. It was soothing, the light that came from it. Almost rhythmically so.
"I don't understand," Ventus mumbled after what felt like eternity.
Terra hummed in acknowledgement.
A sign for him to continue.
"My Heart is full," Ventus said quietly. "Then why... I don't feel like that at all?"
Terra stared at him for a few seconds. Ventus scoffed at himself, shook his head, muttered an apology. Then Terra took his hands, pulled him as gently as he could into an embrace. Ventus breathed in slowly. He didn't felt like crying, not this time.
"Substitutes aren't replacements, Ven," Terra whispered at his ear. "Your Heart does what it does in order to sustain you, but that's all. Think of it as in getting a big cut and only healing the fever out."
Ventus snickered. "That's a way to put it."
"I mean," Terra shrugged. "It's how I see it. If you need Vanitas, specifically, then go get him. There's nothing really blocking your path."
"I don't want to worry you guys,"
Terra frowned down at him. "You can't keep hiding yourself because you're afraid we won't like what we see." He smiled a bit. "I did it and look where that got me."
"It's..." Ventus closed his eyes. "He doesn't want me near him the way I want him near me."
Terra raised an eyebrow at that but stood quiet.
"I want him around, and he wants to be... The part of me he was, I guess, before we split." Ventus muttered with eyes fluterring open. "I don't see him as just a part of me, you know?"
"I do," Terra whispered immediately.
Ventus' eyes took a moment to focus again. "You do?"
"Mhm," Terra lowered his head for a second. When his eyes found the candle of his shrine, they were glowing just the same as Ven's were. Teary.
Ventus hesitated for another second before changing positions, sitting between Terra's legs instead of by his side. "Is it Ansem or Xemnas?"
Terra sighed. "Does it matter? They're both part of me in a way I really don't like and I wish they were out of me so I could..." He paused when the flames got higher and brighter, breathed in, shook his head. "Just because I accepted they're a part of me doesn't mean I want them with me, inside my Heart. And although our reasons are different, I think you understand exactly how I feel."
Ventus gave him the smallest of smiles. "I get it. Really do."
They were quiet for what felt like almost an hour, Ventus sitting between Terra's legs, head slump on his torso, legs spread out on the floor, tired hands gently patting Terra's forearm as he was lightly hugged. He was starting to fall asleep, hands slower than before, and he wished Aqua was there too.
Sleep came in gentle waters, in somber shadows.
Ventus woke up being moved, gently swayed. For a moment he felt terrified of looking up and finding the mountains of white cities towering over him. But all he found was emptiness. The dark. Nothing else. A humming sound was right above him, a voice so calm it made Ventus forget he was inside his Station.
It felt as if he was inside a cradle instead, being sung to sleep. It felt warm, steady, calm, just like—
Just like his mom.
Ventus breathed in. Caramel flooded his nose to the point it gave him a headache. He coughed a bit, hands floating to his throat. His limbs felt heavy, every time he swallowed he felt the taste of blood, lemonade and sugar. It was so odd, but so fitting. Hands moved to his hair, but they weren't his. Ventus kept his eyes closed shut, waiting for the hands to start squirming and squishing him, but it never came. Instead he was greeted by fingertips gently moving his hair this way and that, nails running through his scalp in a slow caress. Almost as if it wanted him to calm down and go back to sleep.
And he should. He should go back to sleep and forget he was incomplete — that he'd never be complete, that he was a part of someone else's suffering. That his grief didn't only affected him. He should sleep all of it off. How easy would it be, to lay his head somewhere, learn a Memory Spell to cast over his friends and sleep for the rest of his life.
Ventus had already slept for twelve, what would be the rest of it, anyways. What if he learned a Memory Spell and casted it over Vanitas? Would his Heart find peace then, with his other Half not remembering who Ventus was?
"No," A million voices told him. "You're one in the same. As long as you remember, so will he."
Ventus didn't indulge the voices, nor the hands caressing his hair and neck. Instead he kept taking deep breaths even if it hurt his nose and curled into a ball of Light. The voices all chuckled at his childish manner to keep them away and the hands slowly left his hair. One was steadily following an invisible path down his spine, the other was right on the nape of his neck, curling around the edges of his hair.
Soon he felt nothing, just a numb sense of being awake.
"Ven?"
He opened his eyes ever so slightly, the light of his room flooding his senses for a second. He closed them with a grunt and heard a familiar giggle. Ventus decided to try again, eyes fluttering open, weary of whom he'd find inside his memories only to realize he was awake, that this was the real world.
Aqua smiled at him. "You already slept the whole day before, today you're gonna be productive, sir!"
Ventus knew she was afraid he'd go into a coma again, but he didn't stuck with that thought for long enough it could reach his tongue. He just smiled and nodded, thinking of a way to apologize instead. Aqua made him get up, shower, eat, speak normally with their friends — he really didn't want to see anyone but there he was, and somehow Aqua thought it would be a good idea to make a Spell Class for all of them. Said YenSid hadn't shown them everything he could because he had given up his Keyblade to make The Mysterious Tower instead.
It had been a easy class, with the amount of books they had — and Naminé's and Riku's knowledge on dark magic. It was a productive day, lunch was good and they even had desserts. Isa made them with Terra, which was... Funny, in a way. There was something happening between Terra and Isa and it wasn't something very friendly, that much was obvious with the amount of glaring they threw at each other. Lea and Aqua didn't seem to mind it, both fighting their devilish grins whenever they catched a sign of a fight between the other two.
Roxas and Riku were good at magic in a very unorthodox way, they were better improvising than remembering rules. Ventus was so used to spell casting he didn't exactly followed any guides or rules, he simply did it. Magic came as naturally to him as it did to Naminé, they discovered after Aqua did a quick Mana Search on both of them — something Ienzo would do before scanning his Heart, because he was the only good natural mage on the Labs, much to Even's dismay. In fact, magic came to him in ways that it wasn't seen on anyone yet, not even on Aqua, which startled them. Chirithy was proud about it, since it was something neither Skuld or Marluxia had retained from their old lives.
"Chirithy is a being made of magic, so they're probably the one with the most Mana Resources out of any of us," Aqua said. "So, knowing how much of Mana we all have, we can focus better on how we'll handle our Keyblades in battle!"
Terra's brows furrowed a bit. "That's what Spell Casting classes are for?"
"Not everyone is a maniac like you," Aqua raised an eyebrow at him.
He crossed his arms. "I wasn't as if I was allowed to know that, was it?"
"You didn't even scan him," Roxas pointed out smugly.
Riku gently tugged Ventus' hand. "Can we speak a little?" He whispered.
Ventus blinked a few times. Stared at the class dispersing and nodded, guiding Riku to one of the most distant rooms, the longuest corridor they had in the Castle. Took them to the center tower. It was where master Eraqus had taken him the first time he got inside the Castle. There was a room locked — he didn't knew if Eraqus had locked it himself or if Aqua had — that would be distant enough for Riku and Ventus to speak without the others coming and going. There was a Silence spell casted there that had never been revoked but for some reason, they could hear each other just fine, but Terra confirmed a year after Ventus had been accommodated that they couldn't hear anything past the door. It was a strange kind of spell, but it would work just fine for what Ventus was sure Riku would bring about.
The door was different from everything they had on the Castle, a black wooden door with silver fine geometrical details. It had no handle on the outside. Riku stared at him with curious wide eyes. Ventus pushed the door open, revealing black marble floors and columns, following the door's design in geometrical fine lines of silver. There was a few steps that took them lower on the room, to the center of it. Five exact steps to the center of the room.
It made Riku gasp lightly. "Is it okay for us to—"
Ventus closed the door behind them and Riku jumped, glaring at his friend. Ventus gave him a little smile and a nod towards the center of the room. That made Riku move, slow and deliberate, not to the center but around it, eyes wandering around, ever the analytical. Ventus sit on one of the steps, waiting.
"What's this room for?" Riku wondered. "There's nothing here."
"I never knew," Ventus shrugged. "It's the only room in the Castle that can withstand Pure Light."
Riku paused and stared at him. "How... Do you know that?"
Ventus raised an eyebrow. "I've been Pure Light, Riku." He chuckled. "Here," He patted the spot at his side. "Tell me about your new dream."
Riku swallowed, cleared his throat. "Yesterday," He stared at one column. "Terra said you told him you felt hollow without your own darkness."
"Not my own,"
Riku blinked a bit. "What do you mean not your own?"
"Vanitas isn't mine, that's something everyone needs to understand." Ventus rolled his eyes. "He's ME. Not something of mine, me. He's a part of me, not something evil that existed inside me."
"That's how you see it?"
"That's how it is, Riku," Ventus glared at his own hands. "You're good with this, yeah? So, he's a little bit trickier than your average darkness in the heart." Ventus sighed, shifted, stared at his friend. "But yeah, I feel hollow without him. Why?"
"Do you know what kind of spell Xehanort used it to make it sentient?"
Ventus stared at him with bewilderment. "Spell? He didn't used a spell, Riku, Vanitas is sentient because he has half my Heart."
It was quiet between them, then. Riku nodded silently at the explanation, even though it was very clear it wasn't all of the truth. But Ventus wasn't really ready to speak with the others about being a willing Vessel of Darkness, that would bring more misfortune than they already had. It was comfortable, the quiet between them. That room had a strange sense of magic, the fine silver lines pulsing whenever Riku or Ventus moved too much.
"I had a weird dream," Riku pulled a face. "There was a man in the Organization coat speaking about... A gift? And he was speaking to..." Riku bit his lip hard and lowered his eyes.
Ventus imagined it was Sora. But that was a new reaction to Sora being spoken of.
"How was Sora?"
"Frozen," Riku whispered. "He said something about the poor hollow little Weapon, and... Well... Chirithy told us what truly happened to your Heart."
Ventus shrugged. It wasn't really a secret, what he had been. Just like his leaks weren't one. Aqua just didn't liked explaining it to their friends and Ventus knew how bad it could get for her to speak on it, so he never did anything about it either.
"Your own Heart being used as a weapon is..." Riku frowned. "That must be horrifying."
"Not really," Ventus giggled. "It's not bad, it's just..." He trailed off and found Riku's eyes on his.
Riku was crying, silent, shoulders shaking and tears falling in beautiful crystalline waterfalls.
"Sora's alive, Riku." Ventus said firmly. "I was alive when I became a World Weapon, I was alive when I became the ChiBlade the first time and the second one, I was alive when I was asleep for all these years. Sora is alive."
Riku inhaled deeply. "I want to believe that," He mumbled. "But he was... He wasn't— We don't even know where he is, exactly."
"Yeah," Ventus shook his head. "Quadratum is a stupid name."
Riku chuckled, a wet sound. "It is... It really is."
"Sora might not be moving, that doesn't mean he's not there," Ventus raised an eyebrow. "And honestly? If he needs to be frozen to finally take a decent rest, then so be it."
"You're impossible,"
"And the man in the Organization coat said something about a gift and me," Ventus sighed. "One thing at the time, Riku, you need to focus on Sora and Sora only. Wherever it is that I'm going to be gifted, I can handle it."
Riku blinked some tears away and inhaled deeply. "Right. Okay. I wanted you to know about it, at least, so it doesn't come as a surprise if it's something bad."
Ventus giggled. "Whenever I'm referred to as a World Weapon, it's guaranteed a bad thing." He moved a hand to Riku's shoulder. "By the way, you look really good with Terra's old stuff."
Riku chuckled a bit again, eyes on his own hands. "He's being really nice to me."
"You deserve it." Ventus frowned. "You deserve to rest and focus, Riku. Not everything is your fault or yours to fix. You were used by Xehanort just like Terra before you and I was before all of you." He snickered. "If anything we should resurrect the old coot and get him to clean his mess, but I digress."
Riku started giggling a bit and shook his head again. The last of his tears fell and Ventus sighed in relief. It took Riku a bit of time to recompose and find an answer for what Ventus had said.
"We could always ask Terra to let Even get him a replica and put Ansem there," Riku mumbled.
Ventus snickered. "Yeah, that would be funny."
They got quiet again, but Riku looked a bit off, eyes searching around Ventus. Just like Aqua had done before he collapsed. And he didn't want to collapse, he didn't want to cause Vanitas more pain for nothing again, he wanted to continue living for the both of them. Because he'd get what he wanted if he did — it was really a win-win situation with that.
Riku got up, stared at the center of the room. "Ven..."
"Hm?"
"What's this room for?"
Ventus inhaled. Exhaled. Inhaled again. He smiled weakly. "I don't know,"
"I won't tell,"
"I know."
"Ven,"
Ventus got up, fingers itching. Something was missing, he needed to—
"Ven?"
He was in the center of the room, Lost Memory on his hand. His fingers still itched. On his knees, Ventus pierced the line where he was certain his Keyblade would carve perfectly — it had been there already. Ventus turned to stare at Riku, but he couldn't see Riku exactly, just the projection of his Heart. If Heartless were beings of darkness, the souls of humans that had lost their Hearts, then what would be a being of light that lost their Heart? If they were little monsters, then what would a being of light be?
Riku's Heart was a blinding light as the magic swirled around it almost protective. Darkness danced with in a complicated waltz, but it was beautiful to watch. He could faintly hear whispers, laughter of children. Riku's memories, Ven realized. The memories Riku found too painful to hold near his Heart the way he held the other ones. The entire room moved, relocated, Riku gasped at the shock of being moved against his will, the floor where he stood going backwards a little and then moving to the left. There was a loud crack, as if the columns outside, what made the Castle itself, were rotating like the ones on this room.
Riku ran towards Ventus, but a dome of silver light made itself present around him. Riku punched it twice, calling Ventus, but the blonde was unresponsive, eyes entirely white, Lost Memory pierced on the floor in resemblance of the thousands of Keyblades at The Graveyard. With the Barrier around him and the white clothes he was wearing, he looked like a ghost. What he said made a lot more sense then, the last time they met. That he was from the distant past and not this era. Riku swallowed hard at his thoughts. Ventus didn't just looked like a ghost, then, the realization sunk.
Ventus was a ghost. The Barrier swirled with the lines around it. Riku blinked and walked backwards. His Heart had protected itself by hiding it's Light, he finally understood. The poor hollow little Weapon. Riku gaped, terrified, when Lost Memory disappeared in geometrical lines of silver and white. Ventus wasn't leaking the darkness inside his Heart as they thought and the Labs had shown them.
His Station was melting. That was why it would spike with his feelings, because his Station could no longer held them — either it held his memories or his feelings, it could no longer sustain both.
Ventus was Pure Light still, walking around with a Heart incomplete and a melting Station of Waking. If they kept pushing him to remember more things, the less he'd understand his own feelings. And if he was numbed out of feeling, retaining only his memories, he'd no longer be considered a human at all, just as it could happen to Kairi, Riku understood in horror. Kairi probably understood all of the horrid consequences it had and it was why Ienzo kept using magic to sustain her Station instead of paraphernalia like they did with Skuld and Ventus at the Labs. Ven was World Weapon ready to be used.
Notes:
Revelations revelations!!!
Chapter 24: Will You Halt This Eclipse in Me
Summary:
They break and join.
Chapter Text
Ventus was right, that was the only room in the Castle made to withstand Pure Light. Riku couldn't leave and no one could get inside yet. The room kept spinning, the Barrier hissing whenever Riku tried to come near enough to touch it again. He almost could not see Ventus inside it again, but he could hear faint whispers coming from the Barrier that almost sounded like singing. Like some sort of prayer, a cried plea. The silver lines around the room pulsed in kind, like a question with no answer.
Braveheart hissed in kind, agitated. As if his Light recognized the need but not the want. Riku stumbled backwards again, not because the floor moved, but because something tried to take directly from his Heart, as if it could see both Light and Darkness inside of it and choose which one to touch.
That was worse than all the manipulation Maleficent and Ansem had put him through, because this wasn't Riku falling onto delusions of grandeur. It was Ventus trying to take part of his Soul, what made him what he was, to himself, to be complete.
It summoned itself, then, his Keyblade — the manifestation of his own will, dark and light combined. Riku called for Ventus again, but his friend wasn't listening. The screech of the columns moving made Riku grimace and flinch. Ventus slowly moved up, swaying as if drunk. Riku's heart pulsed loudly against his ears when Ventus touched the Barrier and smiled up at him, eyes glowing the ethereal white of before. Braveheart shook with barely concealed magic ready to burst in offense.
Riku didn't want to hurt Ventus, he was just scared, scared because Ventus looked exactly as the man had described he'd be when 'ready' to receive his gift. And it made Riku terrified. He imagined natural born Pure Lights didn't look as terrifying when using their Hearts to guide them because they were, well, ready for the Light their Hearts had. Ventus wasn't. Whatever else could he think, then? He didn't want to hurt Ventus at all. Something hit his head, a fine line of silver magic whipped around him. Riku blinked, blood dripping from where the line of magic hit him. It came from the Barrier.
Came from Ventus. His friend giggled, silver blue slowly turning white again, with that ethereal glow.
"Ven!" He screamed, then, as calling wasn't doing anything. "Ven, stop! You're gonna—"
The door swung open in a burst of magic, one from Roxas and one from Aqua as she ran inside the room with Stormfall on her hand and a Sleep spell on the very tip of her Keyblade. She stumbled backwards as soon as she got near the Barrier, Sleep spell coming undone at the same time. Their friends came right after, just a few seconds delayed.
"What the fu—" Lea was saying when Lightning made of pure dark energy ran in the ceiling. He stopped his words, pausing his steps right on the door.
Riku recognized it as the same kind of magic Ansem would use when he fought, but Terra wasn't there. Ven's smile faulted as he tilted his head and moved it in the direction of Aqua instead of Riku. Changed focus again, towards Isa. His smile returned. Isa was a millisecond faster than the lashing line of silver. Aqua cursed at the same time Xion summoned her Keyblade and Roxas summoned Oblivion.
"Guys, don't!" Lea shook his head vehemently, trying to be louder than the whipping of silver around them. "He's trying to—"
A loud cracking of thunder was heard from inside the room and Aqua hissed, Blizzard shooting through without as much as a second thought. It was deflected — not cut through, not hit, deflected. Aqua broke it so it wouldn't hit Isa instead as they positioned in a circle around the center of the room. Xion tried to shoot the Barrier but the lighting spell was simply absorbed. Earned a "What the hell?" from Roxas and Isa at the same time.
The Castle roared. The wards were fortified, probably Naminé and Chirithy as they weren't there.
Ventus' shoulders shook as he gave a silent chuckle.
Desperation crawled at the back of their necks, but they tried not to let it take over them. Riku knew Pure Light, he had seen it before a bunch of times. This was different, this was no warmth of the Sun, there was no loving grace in the way the silver lines lashed at them — it was almost as if the temperature of the room was falling in the deepest of cold. Aqua kept attacking as if it was her best defense but Riku wasn't much better and neither were the others.
"Guys, stop attacking, he's—" Lea tried again, dodging as another silver whip came at him.
"Ventus!"
There was collective flinching at that voice. Everyone's heads turned around from the Barrier to the door, where Marluxia and Terra stood, both heaving as if they had ran a marathon — which they probably did, Riku thought absently. It was the first time Riku ever heard Aqua swear since he had met her and that was saying a lot. Terra snarled at the cracking lightning above them. Ventus' eyes were still the ethereal white but his head whipped at the sound of Marluxia's voice like a puppy being called.
All the lines on the Barrier flew towards Marluxia and for a second Riku worried they'd hit Terra in the process before he was reminded that Marluxia was an ally when it came to Ventus' wellbeing. He had forgotten just how fast Marluxia really was, scythe in hand cutting through all Ventus threw at him. It gave the Barrier enough distraction for Aqua to try and break through it, without much success. All spells were absorbed onto it, even third grade ones.
They didn't knew what to do, but at least they could try and come up with a plan while Marluxia and Terra dealt with the blows that came from the Barrier itself. Ventus was definitely focused on them, not even tilting his head to the sound of their disagreement when Lea suggested invoking the Berserker or Riku using anything dark related.
"You guys are not listening," Lea said in exasperation.
"Axel, I don't think we're gonna be anymore helpful by being eaten by this dome," Isa snapped.
"He's not gonna eat us," Roxas protested with a snarl.
"Oh, okay," Xion let go of her Keyblade. "So what do we do? Let Marluxia fight his way through?"
"Well—" Lea pointed a finger. "You didn't suggest anything! Attacking him is doing jack shit to the Barrier. Riku, my guy," Lea patted him in the shoulder. "How did all of this started, hm?"
Riku looked down. "I don't know! I asked him about what Terra said."
"What Ter— Oh, about being hollow?" Aqua paused, looked over the Barrier. "Riku, why would..."
Ventus snapped around inside the barrier, towards Riku again. They heard Terra cursing and Marluxia groaning. There was something crawling on his face. Riku walked over to the Barrier hearing the protests of his friends but Ventus wasn't attacking. His brows were furrowed in a way as if he was sad. The silver whips fell on the floor and disappeared. Riku blinked a few times when their hands met at the magic glass of the Barrier, the dome shifting right beneath his fingers, adapting to his light as soon as he touched it. Ventus was terrifyingly powerful when he was out of control like this. Something clicked.
Ventus' lips quivered and Riku frowned. The white thing coming from his eyes had smoke, as if it burned his skin. Riku tapped the Barrier lightly.
"Ven?"
Ventus let go of the dome, shaking his head, sitting on the floor and hugging his legs to hide his face. He breathed in, and then his shoulders shook at the same time they heard white noise. All of them put their hands over their ears, the sound loud and echoed. Then it stopped for a few seconds. Marluxia squinted at the Barrier. Stared at the floor, then. It returned, lasting last than the first one. Paused as Ventus breathed in and coughed, then returned once more. Crying, Riku thought with wide eyes. Ventus is crying and it's affecting their Light.
"Ven, I promise we're just trying to help," Aqua said when it stopped for good, only the trembling pulse of the geometrical lines on the floors and columns remaining.
The dome sizzled and she grimaced.
"Remember when I told you Xigbar shot me?" Marluxia said and Ventus' head got up a bit. "I have one like this around my heart, I can't summon mine but you can summon yours."
The Guardians frowned. The dome pulsed.
Marluxia continued. "Left hand, Vee, just like we did when Brain asked,"
Ventus got his left arm away from his legs, and it took him a few seconds but sure enough, he did summoned a Keyblade. The teeth and head were black with a red outline and it had a round, cog-like shape. The handle was blood red, just like the guard and it had the same cog-like shape as the teeth.
The shaft was predominantly made in some sort of dark grey metal. It had a copper-colored gear in the center, with two intersecting, black chains wrapped around it. There were two more chains are wrapped around the base of the shaft, also. Riku had never seen that Keyblade, but he was very sure The Eye meant more shadows than light. And it had two of it, one at the head and one at the hilt. The Keychain was what made Riku bristle in place. The ChiBlade.
"Yeah, that's it," Marluxia nodded and walked quietly towards the dome. "You're doing great, Vee,"
"That's..." Aqua begun.
"Not his Keyblade," Terra stared at it for a few seconds. "Not at all."
"Huh?" Roxas frowned. "What do you mean that's not his Keyblade? He just summoned it!"
"That's Vanitas' Keyblade," Aqua swallowed, eyes wide.
"Great, now focus on breaking the dome," Marluxia instructed lightly.
Ventus stared — or at least that's what Riku thought he did as he tilted his head towards the Keyblade — and mouthed something at it. A column moved again. Terra mumbled something and walked towards the dome now that the silver lines were just moving inside it and not attacking them.
Dark smoke and purple fire slowly crept on his arm and Riku had to step to the side, wincing at it. It was almost identical to Ansem's powers, except the flames were less concentrated, wild and raw, but Terra's eyes weren't yellow or orange, they were the same deep blue they had always been.
Aqua gasped at him. "What are you—"
Terra stepped inside the dome. It absorbed him immediately, lines crawling around his arms like small chains, locking him in place.
"See! I was right!" Lea groaned. "I felt him tingling around my Station, I was trying to get someone inside the dome because it only recognizes darkness!"
Ventus moved immediately, Void Gear forgotten in the gap Lost Memory had pierced before. He was patting Terra's arms, hands closing and opening around the flames. When he understood he couldn't take them for himself, he frowned and stared up at Terra, holding his face and tilting the head this way and that. Riku stared at Aqua, then Marluxia, then back at Aqua, waiting for instructions. Lea, Isa, Roxas and Xion seemed just as lost as he was.
"Uh, Aqua?" Terra's voice came from inside the dome, muffled. "Remember when I came back from the Willow Forest right after Visha deserted us?"
Aqua's frown was deep, Stormfall hissing with magic. "Yeah? What about it?"
"You said I was dead cold," Terra said as Ventus kept analyzing his darkness. "That's how Ven feels."
Aqua blinked a few times. "That doesn't make sense, Terra, he's using Light magic, right?"
Riku's eyes found Roxas'. Roxas' eyed went wide and he nodded, running from the room just as Riku did. They heard protests but didn't stop.
"You get that this is wrong, right?" Roxas asked as they ran outside. "Where you think we're gonna find him?"
"Best shot is The Badlands," Riku breathed. "I'll go to YenSid! Get him here, Roxas, doesn't matter if you have to fight him!"
Roxas grinned and opened a Dark Corridor right on the Gates of Land of Departure, running inside it. Riku felt as if he had ran a marathon when he found where he had parked the Gummi Ship. He got inside it by the window instead of the door, already sitting and summoning all his hope on this plan for the ship to activate — it was the fastest he ever got the ship to ever work. He knew YenSid would be proud when he got time to tell his master about it. They would find a way for Ventus to stabilize, he was sure of it.
If Vanitas really was crucial to Ventus' existance as he was, then they'd find him and glue him in place. Ventus could not die. Riku swallowed when he saw the ship was approaching The Mysterious Tower already. They couldn't lose another light, another friend. Ventus would survive even if he didn't want to, Riku was sure Aqua would ensure that.
He jumped out of the Gummi Ship ready for a fight with the Stairs, but they finally led him directly to YenSid as if they had sensed his urgent need to speak with the wizard. When he got to the master, he was already observing something in the mist over his table. A man in the Organization cloak walking around The Graveyard, carrying a black box around.
"Master YenSid!" Riku breathed out and the wizard looked up, puzzled. "It's Ven, there's something wrong with him. He—"
"Merlin told me about the incident with his Half not too long ago," YenSid cut, sharp. His voice was somber, though his face didn't betray the calm. "I understand they are split for the better."
"His Station, master," Riku exhaled the words. "I don't think Xehanort broke only his Heart."
"Nonsense, boy," YenSid said, but paused, hands flinching atop the table. "His body is intact."
Riku frowned. How would he explain his theory, then? His thoughts were all jumbled, jumping from one possibility to the next. "He needs help Aqua can't provide. They're inside a room in the Castle built to withstand Pure Light."
Then he glared, the words making sense as soon as they left his mouth. Of course Ven would know about that room, of course he'd know how to Barrier himself inside it. It was probably what his master did to him in order to restore his Heart to an acceptable degree. Riku stared as YenSid sighed and shifted on his sit, eyes wandering around the room and finally landing over Riku's teal ones.
"You believe it is the Soul that has a problem, yes?"
Riku swallowed. Nodded. They were learning about it through Ansem's journals — the discoveries the Heartless made about the Heart shouldn't go ignored not here or in the Labs. It was how they could safely record everything going on with Kairi, Skuld and Ventus anyways. But the implications of splitting someone's Soul was... Insane, at the very least. Xehanort wasn't powerful enough for it. Though he did meddled with affairs far worse than just the Body and Heart, dividing his Heart in many and Time Traveling back and forth from the past. It was also why Riku was so certain about Vanitas holding Ventus' Light when Xehanort split them, even after speaking with Mickey and YenSid about it and both denying it as a possibility. Darkness takes, was what they said. Vanitas would have consumed the Light.
"Alas, we know very little about the Soul of a Somebody," YenSid conceded. "The room you speak of was a marvelous creation of a World called Scala Ad Caelum, where I sent Mickey in order to obtain information about Sora's whereabouts. It is an Outer World, a world of imbalance between Light and Darkness as we know it." The wizard stared deeply inside Riku's eyes. "Where Eraqus was from. The Castle in Land of Departure is but a piece of that world — this room is the foundation of the Castle. The only place in the Land of Departure able to contain Ventus if he so wishes to Fuse with his Half."
"But he doesn't," Riku said immediately. "He's hurt, master. Like—" He paused, mouth hung open.
Like Roxas had been when he discovered who Sora was and why they were connected. YenSid eyed him knowingly and nodded, relieving Riku out of the responsibility of Roxas' death again. He'd forever carry that blame, even if Roxas and Xion forgave him. Riku imagined there was something more to it with Ventus and Vanitas, since... Well. They were one in the same, was what Ventus said.
"Does Ventus speaks to you about this very topic, Riku?" YenSid questioned, getting up and wandering around his tower, hands on the books.
"He did... Twice." Riku shook his head lightly. "The more he remembers of his life the quicker his Heart leaks, I don't think it's a coincidence, master. It's gotta be related to his Soul, and he told me today that half his Heart is inside Vanitas..."
YenSid paused, fleeting hands on the side of a book. He hummed, grabbed the book and stared at it for a few seconds before putting it back where it belonged. He turned to Riku, then, focused black irises. But a feeling passed by, the concern YenSid had tried to hide away from his apprentice.
YenSid stared past Riku for a few seconds. "If his Half still roams free with a part of Ventus' Heart, it is the master's responsibility to take it back."
Riku stared at the mist atop the table for a whole minute, in tense silence. When he spoke, he felt sick. "You're saying we should kill Vanitas?"
YenSid simply nodded as if the notion was the only right one. Not what Ventus had said — that he wanted Vanitas around him, no, but to kill Ventus' Darkness. To erase it entirely so the Heart would fuse back into his body as it should have happened before. Riku felt bile coming up his throat then sliding back down. So that was it. That was how the masters saw the situation — it was clear Aqua had the exact same thoughts about Vanitas' existance.
A year and a half ago, he'd agree without a second thought. It was what he did about Roxas, wasn't it? But now he was a master himself. And Vanitas wasn't a Nobody, he wasn't a Heartless either. They didn't knew what he was, but he carried half of Ventus with him and called him brother. Ventus wanted him around and Riku saw what not having Vanitas was doing to Ventus — that Ventus considered Vanitas a part of him, not something of his like they did.
Riku frowned at YenSid, shook his head. "Thank you, master, but I'll try something else before damaging Ventus more than he already is."
"Very well," YenSid said, waving at the crescent moon shaped window. "May your Heart be your guiding Key, dear Riku. You will need it."
* * *
Vanitas really liked New Orleans. Not the entirety of the World but the city itself. This was one of the very few Worlds that were closer to Scala Ad Caelum in a way — The Ocean was connected, but that was all. Magic here was neither good nor bad, as a Center World, just heavily pollued by intent.
What he didn't liked about this world was that he needed to camouflage all the time. Sometimes he'd be a bug, sometimes he'd be a normal human. He didn't like that his hair would grow longer and disheveled when he was a human there, since the magic of the World didn't understood his hair was naturally spiky and gave him something layered instead — which made it harder to put in anything, even a Gods be damned ponytail.
He enjoyed being around Tiana's Place mostly because they gave him free food. But what he really liked about it was that the World's Core was right beneath it, and it was one of the most gentle Cores he had found in a place where humans were so polluted with intent. This time he came as a human again, but it wasn't as if he could choose.
He looked like how the humans around the city painted Death, to a degree, which was kind of funny. Dressed in a black suit, black button up shirt underneath it and a red tie with a silver pendant over it. His hair was the same old mess and his eyes were less of a gold with red and more of a amber with brown instead. People stared at him and whispered but he really didn't mind it, not anymore.
Vanitas entered Tiana's Place with the intention of whispering to it's Core Light but he found the Prince instead. Naveen gave him a baffled look before he laughed and proudly showed him around some tables as if he had any money to pay for it. He didn't mind that either, it was just annoying.
It wasn't anything some good gaslighting and a Memory Spell wouldn't solve later on. The Prince raised an eyebrow at him when Vanitas just swallowed the glass of champagne in one go.
The bubbles tickled his throat in a strange way, but nothing would ever top being forced to drink wine with salt inside it. Corona was a really strange place, even if it was one of the most balanced Worlds they had on The Oceans Between.
"Huh," Naveen muttered and then chuckled. "Heavy drinker?"
Vanitas blinked. "Not really,"
"Hah!" Naveen chuckled and walked away a bit. "Good luck with Tiana, then, she's gonna drown you! I can't wait!"
It didn't take long for people to come and sit around his table — not with him, no, but they were eyeing some chairs on his table as if there were ghosts sitting with him. Would be funny if he started addressing the vacant spaces with names of his long dead friends. But he wasn't there just to find peace and quiet, and somewhat joke with humans. He was there to open up a portal so this World would be easier to find with the stupid armor Ventus had. He was there for the intervention Ventus desperately needed since the Guardians didn't knew how to deal with the instability that Ventus was as a person.
They kept letting him feed Them, kept pretending there was nothing wrong with Ventus at all. It bothered Vanitas that the people of the Light choose to ignore their community in order to control it. Xehanort wasn't entirely wrong but they would never truly understand it, they didn't want to understand. He hoped Sora would if they ever got him back from Unreality. And if they didn't, Vanitas hoped Sora would understand either way. He was the Kingdom Key holder, part of the Prophecy and all.
He ate little, less than he'd normally do. Vanitas didn't trust food to stay where it was supposed to yet and he could go days without eating anything, so he guessed it was fine. He didn't need to summon Void Gear to bend memories, the spell made with the intention of replacing instead of locking away. He traveled through the shadows right until he felt the cold of Light around him, just beneath the main kitchens. It began whispering to him immediately.
It spoke of Heartless being found randomly at daylight, he'd have to deal with that later on. Spoke of the World Order being broken — that wasn't exactly new, but it was interesting nonetheless. It then spoke of a man with gray hair in eyepath and dark cloak speaking with the shadows, influencing events he should not meddle with. Luxu. It whispered about a new enemy, told him to beware The Master.
Vanitas let the portal opened, but the gentle whispers of that World told him exactly where to go next. The Badlands. Luxu was wandering around with The Box again, which meant things in Unreality were finally moving. Vanitas wasn't thrilled, not for himself and definitely not for Sora. The Master was a bit of a sadist, more than Xehanort had ever been.
Because he wasn't power hungry, no, he didn't need more power than he already had. Darkness didn't knew what The Master wanted and neither did Vanitas. He wasn't very interested, but if the other Vessels weren't ready, Ventus would have to be.
And for Ventus to be ready to put his Heart to use, he'd have to leave his 'Light is everything good in the Worlds' teachings behind. Vanitas doubted he could do that in a snap of fingers, so the intervention was more than needed now. If Ventus kept feeding Them, The Seven would pose more of a threat than they should be. Vanitas stared down at the same old Crossroads with pure disgust. He hated that place. Luxu was sitting over The Box, posing as nonchalant as ever, whistling a off key tune of old. It was then that the Time Portals opened.
Vanitas frowned, first confused as They cackled inside his head. Then terrified as Ira stepped out of the first Time Portal. Aced came next, then Gula. Vanitas wanted to slap some sense inside Luxu. Invi came last. Of course Ava wouldn't be there. She had given away her Soul to the Final World.
Vanitas paced around the canyons when he finally teleported back to The Badlands.
He couldn't do two things at the same time! That was stupid, and he needed Ventus more than Darkness did. They couldn't use their first Vessel if the Vessel in question was fucking frying his brain! More than the body was needed for that. Vanitas bit his lip so hard it wasn't immediately healing as it should and he angrily spat blood on the floor.
His diamond substitute upper left molar bit down harder at his tongue. Ventus wasn't ready, and Luxu was already meddling with shit he thought he understood. Sora was hibernating, still, he was almost sure. Unreality was harder to read than The Oceans Between and The Final World, but it could still be interpreted some way or another.
The shimmering sound of a Keyblade being summoned made itself present on his ears. Vanitas groaned and turned around, facing Oathkeeper.
"What do you want," He spat.
"You," Roxas shrugged. "Literally."
Vanitas pulled a face. "Not Sora, sorry."
"You'll do just fine," Roxas squinted. "It's Ven, he's doing things."
Vanitas blinked, first slow, then a considerate amount of fast little blinks. He chuckled. "Ah, I see how it is. That Aqua's idea?"
"No, dude," Roxas grimaced. "He's in a black room in the Castle and—"
Vanitas grabbed Oathkeeper by the teeth, the Keyblade sizzling, dark and thick smoke coming up from it. "Why did they put him inside the Core?"
"He went there on his own with Riku," Roxas cut Vanitas' palm before Oathkeeper disappeared. "The room reacted and he's doing things."
"What things?"
Roxas crossed his arms. "Come see for yourself."
Vanitas clicked his tongue and put his hands up, feigned surrender clear at the way his lips curled up slightly and his eyes narrowed. "Oh, I wish I could."
Roxas frowned. "Stop that, he needs you."
"Then tell Chirithy to stop reinforcing the damned wards so I can go see him," Vanitas snapped. He breathed in. "And he doesn't need me, what he needs is for you Guardians to stop pretending he's fine. He isn't, his mind is breaking apart."
Roxas blinked a few times then inhaled. Exhaled. Pulled Vanitas by the wrist. "Kay. Listen. Right now, we can't do that and I'm sorry we can't, so let me ask you a favor instead."
Vanitas stared at Roxas' hand on his leather coat.
"I'll ask you to heal him as best as you can," Roxas said, emphasizing the last words through gritted teeth. "And to prove you my side of the truce, I'll give you Ultima Weapon."
Vanitas stared at him for a few seconds. Roxas' eyes were a shade deeper than Sora's, almost the exact colour of the ocean around Daybreak Town. There was no lie floating in the surface of his irises. He was very, very serious about it. Ultima Key was the closest thing beside Kingdom Key they had to the ChiBlade and it was a rare keychain. Roxas had it.
He was offering it. Vanitas nodded, spitting blood again. Huh. He wasn't biting anything this time.
"Can you break the seals of the wards before I get there?" He asked instead of how Roxas had Ultima Key at all.
"That depends on how fast you can get there," Roxas tilted his head slightly. "I came from a Dark Corridor, but I don't think you do just that since you came from Naminé's shadow once."
Vanitas stared down at his held wrist again. Eyed Roxas. Glared at the dusty floor, then. Sighed in exasperation. "Right, okay. Breathe in, hold it and close your eyes."
Roxas gave him a curious yet cautious stare. Then he did as told. For a second, nothing happened. Then Vanitas called upon the Core of Land of Departure through his connection to Ventus. It answered with immediate nervousness, as if Ventus' desperation had soaked the Core's Light entirely.
He could see it's light but not it's shadows. Chirithy did an amazing job, made it almost as imbalanced as Scala Ad Caelum. First it came the sensation of breaking through a wave, then the falling of a high place. Roxas stumbled backwards, panting as he let go of Vanitas' wrist. The first thing he did was wave his hands around trying to find anything he could hold, then he looked around, eyes adjusting to the light of the sunset. They were at The Gardens.
Every muscle inside Vanitas' body tensed. Fucking wards. Darkness fought to stay fit around him, to make him substantial enough to pass as a human. Roxas nodded firmly at him and ran to the Common Grounds, right at the Gates, where the first wards were. Vanitas waited until he was out of sight to finally look at his ring. It was moving around his finger as if it was a small snake and not a ring.
It began tightening, so much so Vanitas thought it would break the bone. He could manage the pain it caused because it wasn't nearly as bad as the pain the wards gave him. His vision had blue spots all over, followed by white ones, eyes fighting to stay open, head hurting so much all he could think was scream it off, and he knew that as soon as he left Land of Departure he'd had a battalion of Unversed to kill. It deslocated. His finger. The ring deslocated it. The swelling was immediate, the pain making Vanitas wince as he took long strides towards the front gates of Castle. It would be worse inside.
As soon as he took the first few steps, he felt it. His whole body compressed, tried to double over but couldn't. Vanitas stumbled forwards, almost falling on the first long corridor of many he'd have to take. The ring stung, opened his skin and Vanitas stared at it baffled. It crawled inside the epidermis, forcing it's way through the second layer of skin. It absorbed all the blood and left Vanitas swaying at the door with white noise at his ears and a numb sense of self.
He should consume some of the wards, really. Break the Dream Eater's ego a bit. But that would be too revealing of what he truly was — a part of what he was. He felt the pressure stabilize a bit. The first ward was off, finally. He ran inside the Castle, trying to find it's Core through the consumption of Light but all that came to him was despair, sorrow, desperate pleas. It wasn't normal for a World to cry, though that was a healing process of Light in general. All that he could think of was pain, staggering, mind breaking pain. The ring wrapped itself around his bone. Vanitas' eyes rolled back and he hit his head hard on the white concrete walls around him.
He could feel it moving but now that his head was also hurt it took a backseat. Darkness couldn't heal him here because of the wards. A crack.
It broke. The bone. The ring broke his bone. Vanitas opened his mouth, but nothing came. The Wards. Goosebumps raised all around his arms and he choked on his own saliva. Someone came to him, but not him at all. A hand, a finger. The white gold and bright blue laced itself around his hand like a ribbon, tightening around the edges, threatening to break his hand. Vanitas hit his head on the wall again. Everything blurred, cracked, spilled. For a second the Castle didn't even exist. Then the second ward was off. Breathing became easier. He focused on Ventus' room. Teleported. Thought of the Training Grounds inside the Castle, teleported again.
Every ounce of his body hurt, his Heart wasn't even beating anymore — maybe Roxas was right, something was happening to Ventus — but he didn't stop until he found commotion on a long corridor. Swallowed blood. White gold and bright blue traced the Rune of Reunion, scathing his bones, carving the rune over it. That was when Vanitas finally crumbled, screaming and falling to his knees.
What the fuck was happening to Ventus for his Light to get this desperate? It only ever happened once and gave Them a power surge so great it fed Xehanort's delusions for a whole month. He saw some blobs of what he thought were people coming to help him up. Blue, red, black. He growled at them when they got him up, Darkness oozing around him.
"Get...— Side!" Aqua and Terra said at the same time.
Vanitas thrashed around the arms that held him.
"Who...— This?" A male voice said, muffled by the white noise. "Sor...— clon...—?!"
He only stopped when Pure Light made his vision double over, everything else blurring at the sides, never to be compared to it's power. And took all the pain away. Gave soothing cold to his bleeding wounds. Lines of silver moved around Ventus in graceful archs, small chains crawling all over him, matching the pulsing white inside his silver blue eyes. He bolted towards Vanitas and crashed with enough force to hurt, but he wasn't feeling much of anything now. Everything happened too fast and too slow. The hug almost made him forget his broken finger and his scalding hot burnt over rune.
Ventus let go only to randomly touch him, the hair, the face, the neck, the arms. Kept muttering only two words. Mine, and Finally.
He couldn't move his right arm, but the left held Ventus close, eyes on Void Gear. Ventus hugged him again, tight enough to compete with the ring.
"It's really you," Ventus mumbled.
Vanitas scoffed lightly. "It's me, yeah,"
"Don't you dare leave again,"
"Stop warding your room, then," Vanitas snapped in a whisper.
Ventus bit him through the coat and groaned. He grimaced at first, then Ventus moved away a bit, hands frantically unbuttoning his coat and Vanitas snickered. Oh, that was funny. Light really was demanding, huh, even if Ventus' brain was frying.
"You broke my arm, Venty," He warned when Ventus pushed the coat out of the way. He received a puzzled glare. "The ring broke it."
Ventus shrugged — of course he wouldn't care — and bit down again, a little delighted sound coming from him when Vanitas patted his head. The biting didn't bother him, not when it broke skin or when Ventus began mumbling random shitty apologies at his ear after he bit down on him. He kept holding Ventus in place as he took, because it was giving. Nothing else made more sense than this, and when Ventus began giggling, foreheads joined, he made sure to humm their mother's hymn back at him.
There was a moment where nothing happened at all.
Then the world broke around them, the last coherent thing Vanitas heard being Aqua's desperate scream.
Nothing else mattered, there was only his Light and their Heart, their Station of Waking crumbling down in barely held Light, thoughts and feelings crossing and intertwining, dancing and fusing. There was no more layered glass, all of them consumed by The Abyss where Darkness laid as Light floated free of chains around them.
It took, but Light gave immediately after, every need of each side being met with no in between. It didn't danced around each other or fought as it was made to before but mixed in pretty golds and silvers, then swallowed each other entirely, turning everything white or black. The Abyss moved, warm waters, as a new Station began forging itself.
Notes:
is Ventus alive? Is VANITAS alive? Hm
Chapter 25: You Know You Hypnotize Me, Always
Summary:
Create, release.
Notes:
Literal biggest chapter I have ever written for a fanfic, the writer's block was necessary because DAMN I'M WRITING LIKE I'M RUNNING OUT OF TIME
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
First came the memories, as they danced.
Swimming was easy, he did it since his first breath. Since his body was made, since it began forming inside his mother's womb. Moving around on solid air and structure was different, it was a constant fight with his nerves and his limbs. First she'd smile at his attempt at babbling, yellow eyes almost disappearing in crescent lines on her face. His father was a bit more serious about it, bright blue eyes round and vibrant, always making sure to speak with him as if he understood what he wanted.
Those were the very first memories he had.
A small piece of glass shone.
Crying hurt the throat, made snot come from his nose and made his body limp after a while. But his mother always left him cry to his full potential, she'd hold him through it until he stopped crying and began babbling at her ear.
Hair tasted horrible but it was fun to play with. His mother had long platinum hair, so long that when she was sitting on the blankets she'd throw at the floor for them to play with, her hair would sprawl around like a fountain of silverish blond, reaching just about her thighs. His father had ashy blond hair, spiky and filled with swirls which made him look a bit odd, hair going this way and that.
He found it funny.
Another piece floated around. They joined.
Laughing came a bit delayed, though his parents made sure everything he wanted was given. He only truly laughed after he learned to walk. Before it they were mere bubbles of giggles, not a full laughter. The parents were worried, since he only fully learned to walk after two full moons were gone.
His mother liked singing, she'd sing him to sleep and awake every day without missing a beat and a ray of light. His father liked reading books for him, though he couldn't understand a word they were saying, he enjoyed the sounds very much. He tried to imitate the sounds back at them every time, and they'd laugh and speak with gentle, faint tones.
Pieces began joining faster.
When two calendars were gone, he began learning the sparks of words. Babbling this and that, but never full words. He tried his mother's name. Then tried just saying 'mom' but the words sounded off.
"Um! Um!"
The father tried to get him to speak 'dad' but he didn't liked the way the words sounded at all. So he resigned himself to the fate of calling his father "Ahga" for the rest of his short little life. When another calender flew by, he learned his name. "Ennus" or something like that. He could say "Mom" and "Dad" now, but not full on sentences.
They weren't green, the pieces that were forming the first image of the Station's glass. They were a soft lilac instead, almost like a sunrise.
Four calendars and Ventus finally knew how to speak. Sort of. His mother's name was Diana and his father's name was Rio. His best friend was about to be born, their neighbor's wife, Luna, was 'waiting a baby' inside her. His parents didn't knew he already had a best friend, he spoke with the shadows and told it stories whenever it moved like a human around his room. Shadows were his best friends but he didn't want to scare his parents. Not at all! But the way they spoke about 'the darkness' was so strange. It made Ventus a bit wary to tell them who his best friend really was.
A shade of dark blue could now be seen. It was big, almost a window.
A small one, but a window either way. The Bell Towers of Daybreak Town could be seen already, the first image of the stained glass.
Five calendars and Ventus began freely speaking with the shadows. His parents said it wasn't unheard of for children to have collateral effects if one of the parents were natural mages, so they weren't that worried. Ventus didn't knew what most of those words meant but he was glad they accepted his friend. Lena was a year old black haired girl but Ventus couldn't really care less about her, though he really liked the colour of her eyes. Gold.
Luna, the neighboring mother, had a book of what his mother called 'dark magic' and she was reading it for Ventus ever since Ventus proudly told them in a gathering about his best friends, the shadows of his room. Luna had dark brown hair and red eyes. One day, at Ventus' birthday, she asked him what he wanted as a gift and he told her he wanted to see his friends for real. So Luna obliged, told him to find her when his parents were asleep. He did.
Yellow glass joined the view.
The first ever image of Vanitas came when Ventus was six. He was scribbling around his room, drawing what he had seen on his fifth birthday — the gloomy black and purple being in the bluish fire auntie Luna made him as a gift. A day after his birthday, the second of December, he was old enough for auntie Luna to show him what 'the darkness inside his heart' was. His mom was always talking about it, ever since his father began closely working with the Foretellers with the stability of the Time Portals. So when he was six, right at midnight, auntie Luna found him at the Fountain Square and summoned the bluish fire for him to see his gloomy friend.
He spoke about the so called 'darkness in the heart' and auntie Luna giggled in a way that was not warm at all. Her red eyes glistened and the golden eyes of his gloomy black and purple friend did the same. They both looked hungry.
No one had ever given Them a taste of a Heart, and this Soul was so innocent, willingly sharing their Light and Shadow, speaking with Them like He once did... This poor little human, this gentle Soul. Theirs. They had found Their First for The Order.
Auntie Luna asked him if he wanted to be the darkness inside his Heart. Ventus didn't understood what she meant, so he just nodded. Adults could be so weird sometimes.
She tapped his chest and spoke some odd words, like some sort of throat singing. It made him sleepy, but then he saw it, the small sparks of purple and black floating around him and going to his gloomy friend. It became a carbon copy of Ventus, just golden and red eyes instead of silver blue and a hair as dark as the shadows itself, it didn't reflect the light of the moon at all. Ventus Two blinked at Ventus One. Ventus giggled, bright, hugged his best friend and gave auntie Luna his brightest smile yet.
Genuine.
They had tasted him. Ventus. His light was bright, demanding, almost Pure by nature, less shadows inside the Heart than the average human Somebody. But The Ocean between his Heart and Soul was heavy, wild, it ran deeper than even His one. A fine Weapon if used correctly. The kindest of Souls. Theirs. Forever Theirs, no one else's.
The first time he settled inside Darkness instead of Ventus, he immediately felt empty, as if something was missing. It was painful, but his Ventus hugged him, the light on his eyes were brighter than anything he had ever seen. And he wanted to take it back, go back inside. It was obliged after a minute.
Green was slowly creeping onto the stained picture.
When Ventus was eight, he summoned his Keyblade. The days blurred into one another, the same thing everyday. Collect Lux, protect it. That was when he met the Not-Master-Ava the first time. When she spoke, it was directly inside his head, and it was nice and gentle, like she didn't want to harm him. And she wasn't speaking to him, but the friend inside him, the other Ventus, his little darkness.
When Ventus was nine, he killed Strelitzia. It happened in a state of in between The War and after, he dissociated so much during that time he didn't think he'd ever had these memories back to him. But he did remember all he felt. The contempt, the eagerness, the delight, the fear, the apprehension. And how Not-Master-Ava would hold him, during that time. He did wish for friends at The Graveyard. He had wished inside his mind that he could go back to speaking with his shadow instead, and maybe that was what settled it off. It happened before the Strelitzia situation, but the events blurred into one another even as he tried to think it better. His little darkness had answered.
When he was ten, he became a part of the Dandelions. The days inside the DataWorld were almost the same as the ones outside it, but he didn't mind it. Until he got attached to the Union Leaders. Then he was Fused with Darkness and became The ChiBlade. It was a necessary damage for The Master to learn not everything had to be on His Book. They did not wished to hurt Their Ventus, but what was done was done. They would ensure The Order and The Book never crossed paths again.
Then the Union Leaders sent him to the future.
Being in the future was awful, mostly because all he remembered was his mind going backwards, not being able to see anything that wasn't right in front of his eyes and being thrown this way and that by Lauriam. He hasn't lied to Aqua at all when he said he had used Ventus in more ways than he wanted to admit to himself and that Ventus probably blocked some of the memories away for his own sanity. The amount of subtle ways he did tried to get away from Ventus — physically, mentally — was a bit sad to revive. Now he didn't have to block it away, because he was Complete, and it was fine.
It was fine if Lauriam was a bit psychotic at the time, Vanitas took it away from him. For him. Because of him. It was protection. The darkness in the heart was there to protect it, it was introspection at it's core, not something bad like everyone seemed to think.
It was now big enough to be an arch.
The entirety of a sunrise and blue, purple and black flames sat proudly around it. It was Daybreak Town at the background of Fountain Square.
The first half of his new Station was finally getting complete.
He roamed around The Badlands for half a year, wandering around the canyons waiting for the sun to set. It was more night than day there, for some reason. He had been so used to the normal setting of the sun in the other worlds too... Well! He wouldn't let that bother him, he still had the Shadows, it would bring him food and water and sometimes wrap around him at night and make him really warm. It was okay if the Shadows sometimes called him little, he technically was, and it was okay if it sometimes spoke things that didn't made sense to Ventus, like how they would make Lauriam suffer for what he did.
A future working for Them in return for the many wrongs the flower Keybearer had done to Their Ventus. The death attempts, by water and fire. The physical hurt disguised as protection. This one would never truly find peace as long as he settled eyes on Their Ventus with the intent of possession.
Ventus didn't even know what Lauriam had done, he'd feel warm and weird about it everytime it was brought up. He liked it, how Shadow was with him. Wanted more of their strange protection because at least someone was willing to stay and protect him, to teach him on his own time instead of the borrowed one from the Classes at the Bell Towers. It was more than okay when they brought up how distant Brain was, how Skuld was hypocritical, how Ephemer was too curious, like he had a light so bright it sometimes blinded others. How Lauriam himself was already blinded, not entirely by Light but by his own sense of justice and grief.
It was funny when the Shadows called him their first as if it was a title to wear proudly, but Ventus didn't knew what he was the first of. Just that sometimes the Shadows became his Ventus Two and gave him very gentle hugs, kisses, held him through the worse of his breakdowns in ways not even his mother would.
A new shade of blue, a brighter one, like the morning sky, was found in the stained glass.
Xehanort found him trying to fix Lost Memory. His stale yellow eyes stared at his Keyblade with hunger inside it. Ventus didn't remember much of how Memory came to be as a whole and why it had changed so much after he was sent to the future, but it was his will given form, so he had to fix it. He didn't gave the old man much thought at first, though it was rare for other humans to wander around that World. Xehanort was an odd man, he'd summon his own darkness and say it was like Ventus' friend when it clearly wasn't. He was also the type to speak to himself aloud and think of it as something genius.
He used darkness as a weapon when it was just a part of one's self, and it made Ventus feel awful. Xehanort kept trying to correct Ventus on his beliefs, also, and it hurt Ventus in more ways than just the words the old man would speak. The Foretellers never said a word about using dark magic, because for one to guide the Light they would also need to understand it's Shadow, and Ventus was very much a friend of his shadow. Xehanort wasn't a friend of his own darkness, he abused it and exploited it like a slave, not a part of him. He'd say darkness was a waste on someone that refused to accept it like Ventus, because he refused his own darkness, but Ventus didn't! He never refused his darkness.
He hid it, because even if master Ava didn't care that he could use dark magic, the other children did. They said it was a bad omen, like crows and ravens in some other Worlds they visited. Elrena even called him 'a stray raven' a few times. Some other kids picked up on that too, so Ventus stopped using this part of his will, even if it came to him more naturally than anything Lux related. Chirithy was also weary of it, so he started ignoring when his fingers itched and his heart throbbed and ached with longing. He didn't refuse it, he just felt ashamed of it because everyone else was scared. Xehanort used it as a weapon and Ventus didn't liked it.
Then it happened.
The first Unversed was a small thing, like a bird. It didn't knew how to use it's wings and it's feathers shone in blue and purple. It didn't made a sound either, so little it fit perfectly on Ventus' hands. It would sleep with Ventus and chirp whenever he was sad. Then it grew. There were entire flocks of them.
Emotions tasted better than They expected it to. Their Ventus was giving so much, so freely, They wanted to show him how his Emotions looked like. It was a gift not even The Master had from Them, to be able to Create life with Pure Darkness. A gift for Their little One, as They kept taking his Emotions.
Xehanort murdered them. Every single one of them. Ventus never screamed so loud his entire life. It hurt to see them being taken, but it physically harmed him when he felt his own disruptive thoughts returning the more efficiently Xehanort ended the flocks he had created. Xehanort held him through the spasming but let go as soon as it stopped. The old man didn't care for Ventus' wellbeing at all. He hated it, hated everything about it. Hated Xehanort's Keyblade the most. The Gazing Eye.
That wasn't even supposed to be his! It was a Keyblade made of the will of someone else!
But Xehanort let him use The Gazing Eye once. It fit nicely around his hand, but it was heavier than his Lost Memory. It tickled something — his friend — inside him. He received some of the memories embedded to it's will, a War much like the one Ventus himself had fought, but the Shadows looked less shadowy and more like his little darkness that lived with his Heart.
Xehanort noticed, so Ventus guessed something had changed with the way he moved, or something inside his eyes, as the old man kept holding him by the chin, staring down his eyes as if searching.
The whites of the Land of Departure began to form right on the extreme end of the stained glass.
The Bell Towers of Daybreak Town were on the extreme south and the Castle of Land of Departure was on the extreme north.
They connected at the tip of the towers if the painting was to be put in a square instead of the cylinder tower of the Station.
The Gazing Eye split him in half. He remembered being called a waste of potential before he heard the old man's chuckle and felt the sizzling of The Gazing Eye's dark lightning piercing his Heart. He felt his body giving up, felt as his Heart cracked in the middle. It was surreal, in the way his physical body was just exhausted but his physical heart stopped for a few seconds at the same time The Abyss roared beneath him and the lightning from The Gazing Eye itself came crashing upon the fissure Xehanort had made. It was beautiful, hauntingly so.
He heard Xehanort saying something, but it was muffled by the sound of the broken glass falling to The Abyss, down where the Heart and the Soul were separated. The small chains of his connections to other's Hearts snapped apart, each new snap louder than the previous one. He felt a hand on his chest, but it was just a tingling sensation instead of the feeling of the touch itself. Ventus didn't exist anymore, there was only infinite falling of shards.
He remembered being taken to another place, where his Heart became Pure Light — a newborn child healed him immediately, but it wasn't what Ventus needed. It wasn't his little darkness. It was light, multiplied. He didn't need Light, he needed darkness, but he couldn't even voice that. Broken. That was how he was, how he'd forever be. He remembered the dark room of the Castle, Eraqus' incantations, Xehanort's hungry eyes contrasting with Eraqus' worried ones. They made a pact of silence about Ventus' conditions and Eraqus became overprotective of him whenever he came and went from the coma. But then he began healing, fully, just not his mind. They went to other Worlds again, and now Ventus knew he had already visited some of them, he remembered them all.
Ventus was drifting away inside The Abyss, his memories and feelings all separated, coming and going. His most recent memories right beneath his feet, breaking apart. They came and went in soft motions, gentle waves of curiosity, anger, frustration.
Of need, most of all. Many, many of them.
Ventus grew tired of floating on the waters, each wave bigger than the next as The Abyss felt the fall of the Heart. His body submerged and was hold by desperate hands, each touch more bruising than whatever Xehanort had put him through. But it didn't hurt like seeing his own Heart break. The more the waters took him, the more he understood what was really happening. He'd never have his friends back, would never see Daybreak Town, would never find Ephemer and Brain, wouldn't even see Lauriam and Skuld one last time. He'd never have another birthay, would never go home to his parents at the outskirts of Daybreak Town because they were gone. Dead.
He was gone too.
The first time he thought they'd never find a body because Xehanort would probably use it like he did his darkness, no one would be there to miss him because his connections had been broken, torn, taken. Now he was just sad for Aqua, Terra, Riku, his friends. Everyone else that would have to deal with the grief of losing another friend.
He was sinking further down in The Abyss, watching as Light tried to restore the Heart without it's Shadow. Oh. Xehanort took his friend away from his Heart when he broke it. Ventus was alone. Shadow wouldn't return, he was alone there now. Ventus had no one now. So what was the point to continue on? He hated being alone like this. Then he watched it happen again, numbed out of the feeling of being alone, because this time he wasn't. Time was confusing inside The Abyss, he could feel everything all at once, the first time he broke, the time he found solace inside Sora's Heart, the way he chose to die this time. Further down, he saw a place that didn't made much sense. Pastel colours and fleeting floors.
Every time Ventus thought of Xehanort or the Unions, Daybreak Town and the old Masters, the place would turn into disgruntled painting of places, a dungeon made of black and grey rocks, then a morbid bloody desert instead of the warm orange sandy and rocky one he knew. Skeletons and Keyblades would melt into one another; the sky was purple and the moon was The Eye itself. But when Ventus thought of his friends and family, the place would bring about soft sunrises and bright constellations.
When he thought of Shadow, though, the place would give him blinding white and desperation, the most raw and primal kind of desperation too, like he was suffocating, like it was too cold for his body to endure, as if he was nothing without it and everything, all at once. It made Ventus terrified.
A part of Their Ventus was still within Them. The Gazing Eye tried to erase Their existence from his Heart, but The Order endured. It was a small piece of Them, a small piece of Ventus too.
But it survived long enough for Them to find it again, from Xehanort's own shadows. It was how They held Their Ventus' Light for the body not to succumb. They could sense the conflict, the pain, it tasted sour. The Part of Their Ventus that resisted within Them cried and so, it Created.
The more it cried, the more life it released — half lives made to be a gift, now without a receiver. It resonated with the Emotions Their Ventus had, and so, Pain turned to Hatred. The Creation, then, attacked. Xehanort was delighted. The being was named, the Half of Their Ventus' Heart he had given to Them and The Gazing Eye had forced apart from Ventus' Light.
The Heart made itself Complete.
Light and Shadow danced, mixed, poured into one another. It became every colour and none at all.
He saw, then, everything he missed from his darkness. The excessive punishment from Xehanort, the constant state of agony that came from Vanitas' side of the Heart everytime he took the Dive and stared at a half consumed Station. The constant vilification Xehanort put through his head, that he could never be completed without a fight, without opening Kingdom Hearts first. The amount of times Darkness itself had to heal Vanitas because Xehanort wouldn't — "a being made of darkness shouldn't need to be healed" he'd say. That Ventus himself would never accept him without fighting to sustain his Light instead — the blinding from Eraqus' side.
Ventus got to see how much Vanitas despised being alone, just as much as Ventus did, how he'd take any opportunity to be away from Xehanort yet couldn't go that far because he wouldn't be accepted by anyone else. How he'd stalk the villages within the shadows to feel some sense of humanity still within the piece of Ventus inside him.
He got to feel some of what Vanitas had felt too; regret, guilt, shame, anger — there was always a shadow of anger inside him — and doubt were the most common ones. But there was also joy, bright and blinding, the calm rivers of care, the worries, the frustrations. There was so much hope inside Vanitas that it made Ventus feel miserable for never even noticing it. He got to see how he fought tooth and nail to be useful so he wouldn't be left aside, even when it wasn't just Xehanort, how he fought against the wards everytime he was inside the Castle just to see Ventus. His Half. It wasn't just some misplaced sense of self esteem that bonded them like Aqua and Eraqus insisted it was.
He could see it from both sides and...
And it was devotion. Raw, unfiltered, genuine love, with all it's ups and downs, all of the good and the bad. The amount of times the Organization tried to break through the scowling to understand Vanitas was a bit concerning, especially Even, but it was children that got to see his softer side. How the days blurred into months with just the two of them in the Chamber of Waking, how detrimental it had been to Vanitas' mind to the point he didn't mind dying for good — he'd give everything he had if it meant the piece of Ventus that was inside of him could go back to Ventus instead.
When Ventus woke up, how relief turned into rage, then turned into resignation. It wasn't that Vanitas didn't want to die like he had thought before, but that he didn't want him to die.
Ventus floated from inside that place until it created a staircase. It was black marble with perfect lines of each and every colour. The steps were made of his old stained glass, the red from Vanitas' side and the green from his own. He paused, then. If he walked back to his Heart, he'd be completed and Vanitas would cease to exist because he wouldn't be apart from him. He stared at the red stained glass before he stared at the waters of The Abyss. And jumped.
He was met with a punch from the water. It was almost as if it didn't want him there anymore. The sky was bright blue and the waters from The Abyss was translucent and calm instead of the revolting black. Ventus blinked a few times. There were ghosts of himself running around and ghosts of Vanitas too.
He didn't understood what was happening until all the ghosts stopped walking and running around and stared at him, a multitude of little Ventus' and a varying degree of Vanitas'. They opened their mouths and spoke in unison.
"You cannot Create a new Heart on your own, it is taboo."
Ventus jumped, startled. "Huh?" He breathed out.
"You wish to restore your Heart by splitting your Soul instead." They all spoke. "It is taboo."
Ventus stared at each and every single one of them. It took him at least three minutes to start speaking again. When he did, he was certain. There were memories that were his own, memories that were only from Vanitas' side of the Heart. They weren't the same person, they just shared a Heart.
"Then don't restore me," Ventus frowned. "I don't want to be whole if it means it'll take a life away."
It was unnerving how they all moved at the same time, how there was no delay in how they blinked or breathed. They all turned away from Ventus and walked into one another. It made Ventus wince, but when all of them were fused, it revealed it's true form. Ventus was staring at himself with white eyes.
His side of the Heart that was Pure Light.
"Do you understand the risks?" It's voice was calm and quiet, a bit flat, as if it was sleep talking.
Ventus nodded.
"Will you give your life if it so comes to it?"
Ventus breathed in. Out. In again. "Gladly."
It tilted it's head, the ghost of a smile on it's lips. "Will you allow others to take your life if it so comes to it?"
"Sure," Ventus said immediately, then blinked. "I mean. Uh. Yes."
It blinked back at him, smile an inch larger. "You do wear the title of First Vessel and World Weapon just fine."
Ventus looked around. There wasn't anything to look at, just the bright sky and the water that reflected it. It was so odd being called those things by his own Light, but he guessed that if his Light could say that and not make it about being exploited, then it was... Well, not fine, but better than anyone that had ever called him those things. Even Vanitas.
"Your body will not sustain Pure Light and Pure Darkness both as it is." It warned him. "Wayward Wind and Lost Memory both understand it. Do you?"
"Is it because Xehanort broke my Station?" Ventus blurted out instead of answering.
"Do you understand your condition, Ventus?" It asked again, voice serene as a whisper.
Did Ventus understood his condition? Well, he'd have a new Station, which meant he would be... What? Thrice reborn? Something like that. If he died, he'd die for good, no becoming a Heartless or a Nobody but just. Final World. Done for good. No Vanitas coming to get him if he ever got suicidal again, no Chirithy warning the others, no floating away to Sora's Heart. He'd just be destroyed and—
Oh. Oh, it was Vanitas' will.
That was Void Gear, not anything his. Vanitas had given up his will for Ventus because he was certain Ventus would choose to be completed.
"I understand," Ventus said quietly.
It nodded, hand on it's own chest. It took a Heart away, it shook and blinked in and out of existance, as if unsure of what was happening. It was small and fragile, nothing like Ventus' own heart. It was a piece of a Heart, Ventus realized with something akin to amazement. It was a Heart incomplete, in the beginnings of it's formations. It needed a Soul to understand how to grow, but it already had all the memories from Vanitas that Ventus didn't had.
Vanitas had given him his will, so it was only fair if he gave up his own for him. So he did. Ventus sensed Lost Memory's excitement and Wayward Wind's hesitation, but then it affirmed louder inside his head, it's light bright and fierce. He gave them up for his Half. The Heart grew, stable, less shaky, more certain. It shone in a bright purple then it returned to the natural floating light it was, reflected all colours in pastel tones. Was every creation of a Heart pretty like this? Xehanort had some rights to be obsessed with it if all of them were like this.
"What will he be?" Ventus asked in quiet wonder.
It didn't answer him immediately, instead It watched as the Heart danced with colours around The Final World. A staircase came out of the water slowly, the same one Ventus had been climbing before.
"Half your Soul," It answered. "Half your Will. But not a part of you or The Shadows of you."
Ventus smiled weakly at that. So they weren't sharing a Heart anymore. "Just him?"
It stared at Ventus with it's glowy white eyes before a smile finally reached it's mouth. Looked up, towards the Station. "Live, Ventus, and live well."
And so, Ventus climbed, weary of what he would find, of how his new Station would look, of what connections it would give way first. When he got to the last step, Ventus breathed in, deep, closed his eyes and waited. When he truly felt sure, after breathing out, he opened his eyes and let the birds fly away to reveal it. That they were ravens instead of doves made it all the better.
There it was, Fountain Square's sunrise, The Graveyard's bright sky and Land of Departure's splendid night sky and soft greens. Beneath the Land of Departure were the Wayfinders, on The Graveyard were both Void Gear and Wayward Wind. At the Fountain Square was the symbol of Kingdom Hearts, the one in the Book of Prophecies. The Mark of Mastery sealed the edges of the Station, halfway through. He could see himself, then at the other side...
At the other side was Vanitas, with his new clothes, not the armor Darkness had made him, and the symbol of the Unversed. Instead of green and red sharp, with no transition, the Station now glistened with gentle greens, soft yellows and steady oranges that gave way to firy red at the very end. At it's core center was The ChiBlade. It was prettier, it contrasted less, it wasn't as hard on the eyes. It wasn't as if Ventus was fighting the other side of his own Station of Waking. Now it felt as if truly completed, as though it truly belonged.
Better yet, he wasn't missing anything. There was a gentle pull somewhere else, and not a chain connecting to another Station through The Steps, but a corridor — something Ventus had never seen on anyone's Heart ever — to another Station. And he could freely come and go. It was made of gentle colours, floating by, not really visible, barely there.
Ventus took a step, then another, panting, then he strode over, large steps. And then he was jogging. Then, running as fast as he could. And laughing, freely so, watching as the chains of connections were made from his Heart to others and one was made to this very Station he was going to see. He knew exactly who's Heart he was going to, but he wanted to see how different it was from his own.
He was first met with a strange light coming from the Station, as if the Heart was in the dark and only a few colours popped out, like the one room of dark light he had seen on the Labs at Radient Garden. Cid and Ansem called it UV Light but Ventus didn't knew what that meant. He wished he could go ask now, because Vanitas' Heart was entirely illuminated on that. But it wasn't harsh like The Lab's dark room had been. It felt natural, like it was always supposed to be illuminated like this.
The oranges of The Graveyard were soft, but the reds, golds and blacks of Void Gear and WayWard Wind were very contrasting. Instead of Land of Departure's white Castle, it was the The Dark Beach landscape that greeted him at the extreme north. The gentle greens were nowhere to be found, instead it was a soft blue that transitioned to a vibrant purple and then red. From Ventus' own frame to Vanitas', the edges of the Station had the Rune of Reunion and then the symbol of the Unversed. Just like his, at the core center, was The ChiBlade.
Ventus knelt, touched it. Chuckled. It felt warmer to the touch than his own. He wanted to see if Vanitas would look like him or Sora or... Something entirely new, now that they didn't share a Heart.
"What did you do?" Came as a snarl above him.
Ventus looked up.
Vanitas looked like what would have been an offspring of Sora and Ventus if it could ever be possible. He had Sora's eye shape and eyebrows, Ventus' nose and mouth. His hair was definitely less spiky than Sora's, like a fine mix between Ventus' disheveled spikes and curls and Sora's spiky, all over the place hair. It was still black, though now it reflected light like a a normal hair instead of being jet black. He had longer bangs and side pieces than both of them, the bangs going just beyond his eyelashes and the side pieces reaching down his jaw. His irises were still the exact same, molten gold followed by firy red and then the emptiness of his pupils. Somehow, this was the prettiest Vanitas had ever been. Ventus lowered his eyes.
He wore a necklace made of four chains that connected to a white gold ChiBlade pendant with sapphires. Ventus wore the same exact necklace, just made of dark steel and rubies instead.
Ventus blinked. "What do you mean?"
Vanitas closed the distance. Ventus only had time to blink a second time before the impact of the kick. Falling backwards didn't even felt like falling, his Half immediately pinning him down and punching, again and again and again. He was screaming, and though he couldn't feel physical hurt inside the Station, hearing Vanitas genuinely scream made his entire core revolt as if he was hurt. He did, at least, tried to defend himself physically — it didn't do much, they both punched hard anyways.
Desperate repetitions of "What did you do?" were heard and echoed throughout the Station, from Vanitas' Heart to Ventus'. They became whispers after what felt like an eternity of shouting. Ventus sit up at the same time Vanitas went limp above him. They were both heaving, breathing as much as they could in very little space between inhaling.
Something tried to come through the Station, but became purple and red mist immediately after. Ventus had to think hard to understand what was happening. Unversed. Vanitas didn't had the Unversed anymore. Because he isn't just Half your Heart anymore, his mind supplied.
"Why," Vanitas breathed out, forehead on Ventus' shoulder, hands shaking at his sides. "Just... Why?"
"I didn't want to hurt you anymore," Ventus answered honestly.
"By doing what would hurt me the most," Vanitas giggled, maniac and breathy. "Wow. Your brain."
Ventus frowned. "You would disappear if my Station reformed."
"You egoist maniac," Vanitas spat. "I'm not a toy for you to decide what to do with me." Then he paused, chuckled, humorless, harsh and completely gone. "Well, I guess I am a toy, now. You're a genius."
Ventus swallowed. Took a deep breath, raised his head until all he could see was darkness. "I'm sorry."
"You're sorry?" Vanitas hissed, raised his head just enough so Ventus could see his eyes. "Sorry won't begin to cover it, Ventus."
Ventus opened his mouth, closed it. Stared at Vanitas' eyes until he could find his own voice. For some reason it was easier to read his emotions now than when they shared a Heart. Maybe because there wasn't any other way for them to crawl away from Vanitas now that he had a Heart of his own. There were a multitude of them flashing through his eyes, all of them harsh. None of them were Hatred.
"I saw your side of the Heart," Ventus whispered.
Anger subdued but it was still there, embers on smokes of apprehension. "So what? You decided because I had memories of my own I should get a Heart too? Are you fucking stupid?"
Ventus blinked a few times. Yeah, that was exactly what he had thought. Because it wasn't fair to Vanitas' memories, to everything he been through as his own self. Ventus wanted to voice that, but Vanitas was good at reading his intentions before he could process them fully. This trail of thoughts earned him a bewildered glare and a disbelieving scoff.
"You are stupid, Gods Above," Vanitas muttered. "I don't know if you understand where these memories come from, but they're not a part of your Heart that was inside me, Ventus. You have any. Any! Idea of what you just did?"
"I gave you a chance to be yourself," Ventus said firmly.
"You didn't heard anything I said, did you?" Vanitas narrowed his eyes.
Ventus sighed. "I'm sorry. It just... It wasn't fair to you. Anything. All of it, none of it. I don't know. It wasn't fair that you'd give everything to me."
"Back," Vanitas shook his head. "Back to you."
"Void Gear isn't mine,"
Vanitas groaned, lowered his head and pulled at his own hair in a desperate act to control whatever urges he had. "Everything I had was yours, you stupid, egoist, cowardly brat!"
Black mist came out if the Station, sizzling.
Ventus gaped, tried to formulate words. Couldn't.
"I hate you," Vanitas said, then.
Ventus stared at him through half lidded eyes, fighting off tears. That wasn't fair either. He gave Vanitas a ghost of a smile. If he wanted to hate Ventus, at least he should hate him with something that made sense to the one being hated. And even if Vanitas had said these words, his eyes didn't reflect it at all. There was red, black and purple mist everywhere, it smelled like lemons.
He moved his hands away from the glass, let them slowly make their way up and held Vanitas' forearms. He probably still had every scar, every carved rune underneath his coat. It was still him, just now he had a Heart of his own.
"Don't." Vanitas scowled at him. "Get off."
He knew it was technically impossible to feel warm or cold inside the Station, but he felt his eyes burning. Not because of the smoke around them or the scent. He tried to keep eye contact, but his eyes kept fleeting somewhere else. And of course Vanitas noticed, brows furrowing for a second as he tracked Ventus' eyes and then fully frowning. He thought it was shame for what he did, because he didn't knew if Vanitas would have even wanted that — with all the talking about being one in the same, he'd strongly disagree with Ventus' final decision — but the warmth kept spreading, kept tightening inside him, his hands were itching like they would when he used magic but not like that at all.
It was so very different, because Ventus was certain he had never felt this kind of warmth before. He had the distant reminder that his breath was coming in shallower now, that he probably should close his mouth because Vanitas was staring at it as if he wanted to cut his tongue off and it was kind of terrifying. Something fluttered inside him, all over, when Vanitas leaned in, still pouting. Hands hovered just mere inches from his face, but Ventus could feel them all the same. His eyes finally decided to stay on molten gold ones and...
And there was something wrong with Ventus, decidedly. Ventus knew a few things that would spread warm around his body, sure, but none of them felt like this. It wasn't shame, wasn't anger, wasn't frustration and it wasn't embarrassment. He could barely breathe, barely think when he noticed how much the emptiness had grown inside it, leaving gold to be consumed. He could taste Vanitas' breath with how close they were, and it never bothered him before, so why was it bothering him now? Why was it not enough to give his Half the chance to have his own life? Why did he suddenly wanted him back? It didn't made an ounce of sense, he did all of this for both of them, even if Vanitas couldn't see it now, he'd understand later on, Ventus was sure of it.
The questions died the second fingers touched his cheeks and their noses bumped when Vanitas tilted his head slightly. There was nowhere else the warmth could go but outside, and it came in bursts. It was almost as if he was being fractured beyond recognition, gentle waves of soothing warmth spreading through the fissures of where he began and ended — where he was known as Ventus and where he was Vanitas. It was disarming, in a way.
It was the finding of a sanctuary after the rain. Where once had been just a mirror was now a passage, something more tangible than just a reflection, an imitation of whatever he felt or did.
It was drinking water for the first time and realizing he had been thirsty his whole life. It was a dance, a fight. Consumption, if anything else, and he wanted all of if. He had just reforged his Station, yet he felt as if it was fractured again, like he didn't had a ground beneath him at all. It felt better than biting, but the urges that made him bite Vanitas where the exact same he was feeling now. It was so odd.
He hadn't even realized his eyes had closed until he thought them open. The taste on his tongue wasn't of blood and sugar, but of caramel. He was met with half lidded golden eyes, parted lips and uneven breath. Which was, well. Pretty. Ventus was sure he was worse anyhow, and he really disliked that there was a distance between them. Ventus really wanted to close it again, but he didn't entertained the thought for long enough it could bother him.
"You're really..." Vanitas mumbled. He sit back down and Ventus closed his eyes shut on reflex.
Okay. He deserved it.
"You have no ideia of what you just did, do you?"
Just did was a strong combination of words. Ventus knew what he had just done, he just didn't want to voice it at all, it would make it too tangible, less of a feeling and more of the action it was.
And it was definitely not what Vanitas was talking about either, because they both had the tendency to ignore the otherworldly mundane things that would happened between them in favor of the common universal magic things instead. So either this was about Ventus choosing to give him a Heart or about splitting his Soul by design. Ventus shrugged.
"I gave you half my Soul." He tested the words on his tongue, and learned they tasted just as sweet as his Half's blood had been.
Vanitas sighed, loud. "And whom do you think, aside of you, made me what I was?"
"Darkness,"
Vanitas smiled at him, forced. "Exactly. You know what They never had?"
Ventus blinked. Slowly shook his head.
"A Soul."
Notes:
eH
Eheheheheheheeheheh
Chapter 26: In You and I, There's a New Land
Notes:
BRO I CAN'T STOP WRITING WHAT KIND OF SORCERY IS THIS????
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Ventus woke up with a headache and a strange but distant sense of yearning.
He paused. Assessed. Awake?
There was no floating, no drifting. The ground was solid beneath his body, but it wasn't the dusty soil of The Graveyard or the cobblestone of the White city.
Ventus kind of hoped he'd be right beside Vanitas.
He processed his thoughts again.
He was awake. And there wasn't a numbing sensation of not being entirely awake, like all these months — years, really — before. He had waited so long to feel like this again. Completed, whole, a person. He was finally full, himself. There was a pull somewhere inside him, but not as difficult to manage than before. It was a constant tingling instead of constant emptiness. His eyes opened slowly, waiting for the catch. But there was none. He was laid on marble floors, magic sizzling and dying around him.
The first thing he heard was his name being called, muffled, distant. He could still taste caramel on his tongue, could still feel the itching sensation of something soft pressing against his lips. The headache gave way to the voices above him, his eyes unfocused like that of a newborn. But other than that, he felt normal. Mostly.
Whatever normal could be being half a Soul and a whole person at the same time.
"Ven?"
He blinked a few times, eyes trying to close again. "Hi?"
There was a loud commotion around him, and he felt glad his friends were there because then he could ask what in the hells had just happened. His ears rang for a while, but a hand moved his bangs away from his eyes and they focused a bit.
"Do you..." Terra was sitting beside him, eyes highly focused, searching, practically scanning him, but better than the Lab tech. "Feel any different?"
The apprehensive aura around the room told him everything he needed to know. They had Merged. He broke the rest of his old Station of Waking by doing so and they thought he had died because of it. Because there wasn't anyone to hold his Light again — that would explain how he got to The Final World when he jumped The Steps. Ventus nodded.
Tension rose and snapped when he chuckled lightly and tried to sit up, limbs weak. "It's not what you all think, I'm not possessed."
Aqua blinked a million times over. Marluxia frowned and Ventus' eyes went wide. Damn, he thought absently. They were real worried to get me back.
Terra and Marluxia helped him sit, hands on his back to hold him if he fell backwards. Lea was grinning like a maniac, Xion was holding Chirithy tightly against her chest and crying silently, Roxas had a murderous glare on his eyes and both Naminé and Isa looked like they had eaten something awful.
Marluxia and Aqua both looked overwhelmingly worried, in a way that was almost too much. And then there was Riku and Terra. They were the only ones that seemed to understand what had truly happened with the way they looked genuinely relieved and happy for Ventus. Like they knew he was finally whole by just looking at him.
"So..." Aqua started. "Is he...?"
He. Not even a name. Ventus lowered his eyes, jaw tense. He snickered, lightly shaking his head.
"Who, Aqua?" He asked defiantly.
Because he had just given up his Will and Soul for Vanitas, felt all his devotion, all of what everyone filtered to be around him, so he wouldn't let anyone think lowly of him just because he was a part of Darkness. It was fine when he had been half Ventus' Heart, it was a side of Ventus they actually hated, so it had been fine for him. Just like it had been at Daybreak Town, with the other kids. It hurt but he could ignore. Now this? This was something Ventus could not accept. Vanitas was his own person now, had his own Heart. He wasn't just Ventus' Heart anymore, he was a whole being. They shared more than just emotions now, they shared a Soul, what made them what they were. So when he glared at her, he let all of it shine through.
She swallowed, gave him the weakest of smiles. "Is he gone for good?"
Ventus had a flash of memory, his own Light speaking to him. He breathed in, counted to ten and smiled. "Who?"
They all tensed up again, everyone exchanging looks of not only apprehension but fear as well. Ventus almost pitied them, but then he stared at Chirithy, at how bright their eyes were shining with relief — because Chirithy would know if he had no memories or not. And they knew he had them all back. Chirithy snuggled away from Xion's hold.
"How lovely!" They said, jumping over to Ventus' lap. "You're whole again!" Then they paused. "But... Ven? Why can I not sense your Keyblade?"
Terra closed his eyes, took a deep breath. He muttered something in the lines of "I knew it." and patted Ventus' shoulder twice, gently.
"What do you mean?" Lea frowned.
Naminé shook her head. "I can't sense it either."
Isa held Aqua's hand as she took a step backwards.
Marluxia tilted his head slightly. "What happened to your Heart, Ven?"
"It's whole," Ventus said with a smile. "I'm whole. And no ChiBlade, see?" He giggled as he finally got up. "I'm fine, guys. Oh, by the way—"
Roxas narrowed his eyes. "You died."
Everyone went quiet. He was so grateful for Roxas whole existance, now. If only Sora could see him like this, because... Wow. Straight to the point. Doing what everyone was avoiding to.
Ventus beamed. "I did, yeah."
"Vanitas died," Roxas crossed his arms. "You literally ate him, dude. What in the hells was that?"
He heard both Isa and Terra mumbling something under their breaths but he didn't really paid attention to it as he snickered, pulled Roxas by the shoulder and hugged him. He felt the other slowly giving in, arms unfolding and hugging him back lightly, like he was unsure to do so. Fair enough, Ventus had just died, but Roxas wasn't one to hug just for the sake of it — like Sora was — and he only ever saw his twin comfortable enough to do so with Lea, Xion and Naminé. He felt warm in a way that was almost like sitting in a park while watching the sunset. It worked wonders for him, also.
"You never wanted to bite Sora until he died from blood loss? Take something out of him until there's nothing left?" Ventus asked happily and quietly, just for Roxas' ears, already knowing the answer. "Like it's not enough to have him near, you have to get something of his inside you?"
Roxas sighed in exasperation and let him go, looking rather incredulously at him. There was a hint of understanding inside his eyes that made Ventus curious but it was so faint it was barely there at all.
"I've always felt like this with Vanitas." Ventus shrugged.
Roxas blinked a few times. "Damn, he was right. You're kind of insane, Ventus."
Lea snickered, oblivious to their conversation. "You got Roxas to hug you, what a win!"
Ventus turned his head around a bit, eyes on a now upright Marluxia. He was quietly speaking with Terra.
"I forgive you," Ventus said, then.
Both of them blinked, turned their eyes to Ventus.
He beamed, head tilting a bit. "I forgive you, Lauriam. I know what you did. Why you did it. I saw it from his side. It's okay, you don't have to care about it anymore, we can go back to how it was before."
Marluxia opened his mouth. Closed it. Lowered his head and smiled a little, nodding. Chirithy hummed in question, but neither of them answered. When all of them left the room, Ventus noticed the sun was rising. He apologized to all his friends for not speaking about how hard it really had been without Vanitas this whole time, apologized for how he acted and if he had ever done anything for them personally. He was met with them mostly accepting of it, except Aqua and Roxas. They didn't said a word about it and Ventus knew why Aqua wouldn't want to even think of Vanitas, but Roxas? That was something he had to clear with him alone.
He apologized to Riku alone a bit after, for not being there for him entirely even if they were the people that knew Sora the longest. He knew his pain was more manageable now but it was still there, and he understood it better now. It was a hurt that would not heal unless answered accordingly. So they needed to find Sora. He could be useful about it too now that he was restored.
Terra took them to Radient Garden, to Hollow Bastion, because they really needed to check on Ventus' Heart. The notion of his new Station of Waking was met with surprise coming from both Ansem and Even. Ventus had to report everything he saw when it happened back to them, and put all of it to words was... It was almost like living through it all over again, like a part of him would never heal from watching his Heart break more than once. When he described The Final World, Chirithy gasped lightly.
He didn't say he met his own Light, and he was met with questioning eyes when they did the scanning to see his new Station of Waking. Ventus just shrugged it off, not really wanting to talk about why these places were so important to him or why Vanitas was still there in the same stained glasses everything important to him was. He couldn't escape the questions about the other place, the one after The Abyss. Chirithy was shocked that there was something after The Abyss and that Ventus had lingered on his own Abyss for that long. Ansem and Even were writing and typing so much they had to include Ienzo in the search and Ventus had to tell everything again. Ienzo was considerably less nosy.
"You describe The Abyss as an endless sea, so wouldn't the difference between it and The Final World be what we understand as life and death?" Ienzo asked something none of them had considered until he voiced it. "Chirithy says The Final World is where Death and Sleep meet, so..." He trailed off when he noticed all eyes on him. Cleared his throat. "Is that how you see it?"
"I was drifting," Ventus said with a small smile and understanding shining inside his eyes. "You're not wrong."
Ienzo blinked. "I am... Not?"
"No," He chuckled when four inquisitive eyes fell on him. "But it's, uhm... It feels more personal than anything we're doing now, so I didn't want to talk about it. But yeah, I died. It was someone else's will that held me back from going under for real."
Realization passed by Aqua's eyes, then Terra's. Ventus couldn't see Even's or Ansem's as they were writing the new information away. He focused on Aqua and oh... Aqua needed time. There was guilt, shame, embarrassment, frustration. But they were just shadows of gratitude and relief. Of love. Filtered, as always, but there anyways. Ventus blinked, eyes back at Ienzo and the silver haired man hummed.
"When a Nobody becomes a Somebody again, we don't to through The Final World, we have a glimpse of it, but it is gone as soon as it comes, substituted by The Station of Waking." He explained and heard Even sighing. Ventus nodded along. "You say you drifted on your Abyss and then sunk inside it?"
"Yeah," Ventus smiled at his own hands. "Then I was drifting again, but it wasn't... It was more like floating. There wasn't anything there, not really, but I could remember everything from my life down there without really feeling anything. It... Uh... Manifested? Like I was painting a canvas with my mind."
Even and Ansem exchanged looks. Terra frowned, the lighter rim of blue around his pupils slowly turning orange. Ventus waited until the orange flashed brighter, until The Seeker came through completely so he could give some imput. The orange took all of the irises like rust spreading.
"You reached your own Soul," Terra mumbled lowly and Aqua yelped beside him, hand on her chest. "Enlighten me, child. Where does The Ocean starts?"
"Ocean?" Chirithy, Ansem, Even and Ienzo asked at the same time, all different tones of curiosity.
"At the sky, I guess," Ventus shrugged. "I kind of fell from it onto the other place. I can't tell you how because... Uhm. It's kind like opening more than my Heart and I don't think Terra would like that."
The Seeker gave him a light nod. At the last sentence, he raised an eyebrow, lips twitching, but said nothing. Even was writing furiously. Aqua frowned at the information, then glared at The Seeker, eyes narrowing. Ienzo blinked a few times.
"I would like to test something," Terra mumbled, slow, to Ventus.
"No," Both Aqua, Chirithy, Ienzo and Ansem said at the same time.
Even let out a curious "Oh?" at the very moment they all rejected the idea.
He offered a hand.
Ventus stared at it, then at Terra.
Took his hand.
For a second or two, nothing happened.
Then Ventus felt it, a gentle tug at somewhere deeper than his Heart, a quiet question. Something answered, inside of him. At the screens, the light of his Station of Waking dimmed.
Aqua gasped, Ienzo hummed, Even chuckled in disbelief and Ansem watched with quiet contempt. He stared at The Seeker with wide eyes as they kept flickering from the screens back to Terra, then he took a deep breath. Reminded himself of how his twin Station had felt underneath his fingertips, a small smile appearing on his lips. The lights around the lab room flickered, went out for a heartbeat then returned brighter. Terra was right beside Aqua, and the hand on his was Vanitas' instead. There was a collective startled sound.
He looked prettier outside his Station. The rim just outside his iris was green instead of pitch black like before. Ventus had noticed his own had also changed to green instead of dark blue as soon as he had entered the Hollow Bastion, but he didn't really cared much for it. Vanitas took his hand away from Ventus, scowling.
"What do you want?" He spat.
Ventus blinked a few times. Yeah, he was ready for all the anger in the world coming from Vanitas but he hoped they could do it somewhere else, in private, just... Away from everyone else's prying eyes — especially Ansem's. A shiver ran down his spine, anticipation gnawing inside of him. It felt good and horrible at the same time. Then he turned to The Seeker. Terra watched with detached interest, as if he was watching a movie and not playing god with the life of his own friend. And technical creation, since The Seeker was also Xehanort, not just Terra.
"Oh," Even sing sung, tapping his pen to his notes. "I remember you told me you... How did you put it? You weren't Xehanort, you were here for what was yours. Very well!"
Vanitas' scowl deepened as he crossed his arms. Ventus raised an eyebrow. Then he was reminded, rather painfully, of their conversation at the White City. When he was returned to Marluxia's room. Twice... A World's Core Light, Vanitas said he had to feed Ventus with it twice. So his weird nightmare with Hollow Bastion wasn't a nightmare afterall.
"Let us see your Heart, Creation," Terra — The Seeker, still — said.
Ventus slowly opened his mouth. He forgot just what The Seeker also was. That Heartless were beings of darkness, also, so they'd know Vanitas in a way, or at least know of his existence. They got to watch for the first time Vanitas not create the Unversed and maintain his neutral face, but try to genuinely fight off his feelings instead.
His eyes moved fast, unsure of where they should be looking at while he processed what Terra had just asked of him. It took him three seconds to react with a simple shrug. Ventus slowly gave into the need of holding Vanitas' hand, brushing his fingers lightly against his first, when he got no bad answers from it, he intertwined them and watched as Aqua frowned again and Chirithy shook their head and sighed. Vanitas only allowed Ventus and Ienzo to touch him, which was... Nice. It was so, so nice.
He trusted Ventus to some degree, still, and Ventus had to control just how much he'd let it affect him so his Heart wouldn't react for everyone to see on the screens. They had to take his coat away for the scanning process and Vanitas had a scowl at all times — he wasn't sure if it was because now he had his own Station or if he didn't want Terra to hold his coat, but either way, he looked ready to jump someone. Probably Ventus, with how much he was glaring at their joined hands. It made Ventus' heart flutter with both joy and dread.
"Interesting," Ansem said when the Station finally appeared on the screens.
Normally they'd appear immediately, but Vanitas was still a part of Darkness, so the very few bursts of Light that his Heart had to illuminate the Station of Waking made it look less of a stained glass and more of a painting that could shine in the dark. Normally people wouldn't gasp at seeing a Station of Waking, but Aqua and Chirithy had every right to, because it was Ventus' twin, almost identical. Not even Roxas had a Station that looked like Sora's, because they came from the same body, but Vanitas had always been a part of Ventus just as much as he had been a part of Darkness.
"Are we done yet?" Vanitas asked, practically snapped, but not with Ansem. With The Seeker.
Terra shook his head. "Enlighten me, Creation, how is it you gathered enough Will to sustain a Heart?"
Even turned around, looking bewildered. "The Resources scans came out inconclusive," He eyed Terra. "Just as the earth boy did once."
Aqua blinked a few times. "You scanned Terra?" Her voice was quiet and she crossed her arms, looking at her possessed best friend.
Even nodded, oblivious to the drama about to happen on the lab room. "It's a normal procedure, and he's hosting the Heart of Xemnas and the shadows of Ans— of Xehanort's Heartless inside of him, it was best to proceed with caution around him." He paused when Aqua's frown deepened. "He had been here before as an apprentice, this technology was brought about with his research."
Chirithy nodded and patted Aqua's arms. "What matters now is how Darkness got a hold of a Will this strong."
"You could ask your spoiled little brat here, Spirit," Vanitas said flatly, unfazed eyes on his own Station. Then his lips slowly curled up in a eery smirk. "Since he's the one that did it, anyways."
The room fell into silence. Aqua blinked so slow Ventus thought Vanitas had casted Stop on her, but no, the rest of her moved normally still. Terra's eyes snapped towards Ventus with a quizzical look, then his head tilted further, lips curled in a knowing smirk.
"Ven!" Chirithy hissed, horrified. "You...! Those things are prohibited, strictly prohibited to a Keybearer!"
"What is?" Both Aqua and Ansem asked, Aqua with worry and Ansem with curiosity.
"A Keyblade can become a ward o be taken away by a master, as you already know," Chirithy shook their head. "But can never be given for any other purpose, it is prohibited!"
"It's not like we can't solve this," Vanitas shrugged. "I can always just die."
There was a collective pause at his words, Ienzo's visible eye going a bit wider. Even snorted, shaking his head and muttering something about the high importance of this discovery to their research and death was unauthorised. Ventus' hand tightened it's hold on Vanitas' own, jaw clenched and shoulders tensed. His Half didn't took his eyes from his Station, as if he was waiting for something to happen to it.
"A will strong enough to Create on it's own," Terra mumbled and lightly shook his head. "It was why we chose Sora as the thirteenth Vessel, but it was also one of the reasons Terra was a potential threat."
Aqua side eyed Terra. Ienzo nodded along. Ansem frowned and Even scoffed at the mention of Sora.
Something happened to Vanitas' Station of Waking, at the edges, something blurred and black mist came from inside it. He still stared at it with unbothered eyes but his hand twitched.
Even wrote again, eyes turning to Vanitas, mouth opening as if he was going to punctuate his thoughts about the research, but then he closed it, when he noticed just how slow Vanitas was blinking, how tired he suddenly was. Ienzo moved a second delayed, measuring the more physical aspects of their work again. Terra's eyes glistened green for a second before he grimaced, eyes closed shut, and moved backwards until his back was against the wall. Chirithy moved towards him, as did Aqua and Ansem — a few seconds later Terra was apparently fine again, his eyes a deep blue, but the mist around Vanitas' Station of Waking was a lot more dense. He looked paler, also, the scars around his forearms visible to a concerning degree. Ventus wondered if this was how he had looked when he had died at his room and it terrified him, then.
Vanitas blinked a few times, eyes rolling with each blink. Ienzo had put something on the back of Vanitas' neck, right above the shoulders. It made Ventus' stomach tingle. There was something akin to worry inside Aqua's eyes, but it was a distant kind of worry, as if she couldn't really attach herself to it. As if they were civilians of this World and she couldn't heal them with magic because it would disrupt their peace. Which was a lie, but he had seen that look many times over to identify it almost perfectly.
"We should check for any illnesses," Ienzo muttered. "His body isn't like that of a Replica, is it?"
Vanitas shook his head slightly and growled, it made the lights flicker. "Stop speaking of me as if I'm not here. Medicine won't work, but you can try."
"Wait outside," Even told the Guardians.
"Please," Ienzo added, glaring at his companion.
Ansem took Terra and Aqua to the door, but Chirithy stood their ground about staying with Ventus.
"He won't stay either," Even pointed out.
Ventus blinked a few times. Stared at their joined hands, then back at Even. His eyes found molten gold ones, and for a moment everything else blurred. He leaned until their foreheads joined, and he expected it to be like before, but it felt different.
It felt better, because he could sense a heartbeat that didn't just mimicked his own. The machine humming grew louder around them, and muffled voices spoke of magic and science in terms Ventus didn't care, not when a warm hand patted his cheek and he felt a huffed chuckle right on his face.
"You can let go, Ventus," Was whispered quiet enough he had to focus on the words to understand them. "I'm not leaving you."
Ventus did as told.
* * *
Talking with Roxas took it's sweet time.
Because they had to sedate Ventus to get him out of Hollow Bastion without Vanitas. It earned him a grand scolding from both Aqua and Chirithy, both going about how dangerous it was for him now that he didn't had his Keyblade, how he very much was a civilian now — Chirithy corrected Aqua on that, saying Ventus was a mage, not a normal civilian, but either way, he got grounded. So it took him a week before he could go see Roxas.
He rarely got to Destiny Islands and Roxas only went there three times, the last time being the last they ever got to see Sora, so Ventus understood Roxas not enjoying going there. It took him by surprise when Xion told him where Roxas was — Sora's home was close to a cave, the adults didn't let them explore there because they already had the other isles to visit. And caves were dark and humid, they could get seriously hurt there without a lamp.
Roxas, for some forsaken reason, was inside that cave. He guided Ventus to a spot that connected with a lake deep inside the tropical small forest they had on the Main Island.
"How did you know this place even exists?" Ventus asked, eyes filled with wonder at the crystalline waters of the lake.
"Sora showed me," Roxas muttered. "He said he wanted... Uh," He looked away for a second, shoulders tensed. Breathed out, trying to relax. "That he wanted me to have something that would be just his and mine."
Ventus paused. "Then why you're showing me?"
Roxas sighed. "It's not the river." He gave the waters a fond smile then he glanced at Ventus and cleared his throat. "Anyways. You and Vanitas. What the hells, Ven."
Ventus snickered. "Yeah, uh, sorry for dying...?"
Roxas crossed his arms. "If it was so bad you wanted to eat him, why didn't you say anything?"
"I was angry," Ventus waved a hand, tossed a small rock to the lake. "At myself, at him. I didn't want to burden anyone else with my problems, because he was a problem. And I thought..." He giggled, shook his head. "Nevermind."
"He seemed angry at you when I went to The Badlands to get him for you," Roxas mumbled and Ventus snickered again. "But the first time we saw him, he took care of you. It's like—"
Ventus stared at Roxas, expecting the worse.
"It's like the more you pull him in, the more he pushes you away," Roxas said with a light frown, staring at the top of the trees instead of the lake. "And I kind of get it, I didn't like the idea of being the Other of someone else. But he didn't seem to mind that he was carrying half of you, actually he... Looked like he hated not being entirely you. Uh, Ven?"
Ventus kept staring, the more Roxas spoke the more his vision blurred. He was still listening, Roxas' words light as a whisper and sharp as a dagger. He knew that, he knew that Roxas would understand them better than anyone else. It was probably why he wanted Sora so much — so he could figure it out with people that didn't had as much filter as everyone else. The first tears came down quick, but then they stopped. Ventus smiled softly at his twin.
"You're right, he did," Ventus said quietly. "He hated that we were separated, he hated it from the very beginning. I didn't. I don't, and I guess that's what sets him off. We don't always see eye to eye. The only time we got to sit down and talk was because I teleported to him without opening a Portal and he had to take me back." Ventus chuckled when Roxas raised an eyebrow at him. "I try not to get that affected so Chirithy won't notice."
"Maybe you should let it affect you," Roxas shrugged. "Just so Chirithy will understand. I fought Sora twice inside his Heart before I got to terms with letting him understand how much our existence hurt me. Not being able to be myself because of him. And just when I thought I had, he... He hadn't. He wanted me to live as my own, and now I'm here and I'm grateful for everything he did for me but I didn't understand why he wanted me to exist so bad. I do now."
Ventus swallowed. Laughed nervously. "Yeah, I... I thought it wasn't fair for him to give everything he had so I would be whole. Because he wanted to be whole for so long it just... It wasn't fair. He had memories or his own, just like you."
Roxas stared at the lake again for a second before he turned his head up again. "Chirithy has to understand, I've been bubbled in the Organization once, I know how that can get... And if you keep hiding things from us it'll only get worse and worse."
Ventus winced at his own words, at Roxas' words too but they wouldn't stop coming. He kept mumbling. "I gave him everything back. And now he hates me because we're never going to join ever and I think I hate myself for hurting him like that because for the longest time he was everything I had, I feel stupid and ungrateful... He gave me his will, kept saying it was mine anyways, but I know it wasn't. He said everything he had was mine and it's a lie and I hate that he can lie so well that he believes it."
Roxas took a deep breath when Ventus finally paused. "Hey," He threw a rock at the lake. "He didn't had a Heart, right? He had a part of yours. So how come he survived The Maze? How was he wandering around again after Sora was taken? I know you know. I'm just curious."
"Sora wouldn't kill me," Ventus said. Roxas turned his head down again, eyes on Ventus' silver blue ones. "So he wouldn't ever kill Vanitas. Because he was me, a part of my Heart I neglected out of shame. If anyone wanted to kill him, they would have to kill me first and... No one was willing to do so."
It was so easy to tell Roxas things. He actually listened, he didn't poured his judgement or his own views onto what Ventus was saying, just... Listened. He didn't even showed concern for what Ventus had just told him, he just simply hummed back as if it made perfect sense. Maybe being the Other of Sora made him as emotionally constipated as Ventus was, because not even Riku felt this easy to speak with.
They were quiet for a second, Roxas letting Ventus reflect on everything he had just said. After a minute, Roxas snickered for the first time they got there, shoulders relaxing.
"You wanna know what he said?"
Ventus blinked at him. "He told you something?"
"He said," Roxas cleared his throat. "To tell Chirithy to stop strengthening the wards so he could go see you." He gestured at the lake. "He almost sounded like Sora when he said that. Whenever I got to see Sora when I was inside his Heart, he'd look sad, Ven. Like, genuinely sad that he couldn't see me."
Ventus bit his inner cheeks, one at the time. "You think he was... Sad?"
"I know he was sad. Angry, too. Just like I was whenever I got to see Sora." Roxas shrugged away a shudder, but Ventus saw it anyways. "You wanted to eat him. I think he wants to be eaten."
"I don't want to eat him, stop saying that," Ventus rolled his eyes. "I just, uh, I have these urges when I'm around him. Like I really need to punch something, to bite and fight. And I really don't wanna fight him anymore so I just bite. He lets me because he's just as weird as he says I am."
Roxas stared at the lake with a smirk. "Whatever makes you sleep at night,"
"You never wanted to do anything not normal to Sora?"
There it was again, that strange understanding look. But Roxas shook his head again, swaying from one side to another, eyes glued on the small pebbles around them.
"Never ever?"
Roxas sighed loudly. "See, you're too curious for your own good. Just like Sora. I'll tell you, but you can't tell anyone else."
Ventus raised his pinky finger. Roxas gave him his own, locking them in a promise of mutual silence.
"It's not me, it's Sora." He declared ominously. "You remember how his desperation became that Shadow Form? Then his Rage? He told me what filled the Rage one. He said it was me, that he would think of everything unfair that happened to me, how he had to go through everything he did without even getting to check on me because I had no body for him to do so and would just... Hand it back. And that he liked it how it felt."
Ventus blinked a few times. "Huh... So Sora—"
"He said he couldn't really feel anything else afterwards and that's what he liked the most about it," Roxas cut in a whisper. "That giving in into our connection could numb him out of his own bad feelings. I get what you're saying, but it's still weird to me that you can... Like? Yeah. Like these things. It was already hard for me to understand what I liked or not and here comes Sora giving me a whole body ache with his."
Ventus opened his mouth, closed. So he and Sora weren't that different either, huh. It made him wonder just what Vanitas really felt when they got... Ventus pulled a face. When they got messy.
"So what would I do that isn't normal with Sora if he's already a mess? Annoy him until he snaps and we fight." Roxas shook his head with a playful smile on his lips. "I like when he's annoyed. That's when he gets to be honest, he snaps real quick too. I got that from him, I guess." He lowered his voice, eyes darkening. "Sora has a real high pain tolerance but he bleeds way too quick."
"Of course you'd know that," Ventus whispered back.
Roxas got up, suddenly. He chuckled. "Let it affect you, Ven. Scream what you're feeling if you have to, I saw first hand what doing it in silence does to someone and I'd rather not lose you too. Again."
Notes:
The way Sora haunts the narrative
Chapter 27: Drowning In Burning Bright Abyss
Notes:
Heads up for.....! Implied torture, suicidal thoughts and idealization, implied child torture, referenced child grooming (?), graphic medical violence and mutilation
Yep. Vanitas' POV goes hard this time
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
First there was nothing.
And he was glad, so glad to have nothing at all.
To be back where he belonged. To finally return where he was needed. Then there were hands. Two, two he knew very well. His own, Ventus', Theirs. But that didn't made sense, did it now. So he ignored the hands in favor of slumber, of being shook and drifted away inside The Abyss, in favor of just being where he shouldn't have even left in the first place. Then the Station of Waking of his most hated little brat came crumbling down.
He wanted nothing but than to scream. Scream it all off. It was a nightmare. It had to be a nightmare. He gave everything to be back and now Ventus was... Ventus chose to die. Ventus crossed the line at The Final World, he chose Death, they'd never be completed and it was all for nothing. The body would remain somewhere else — Darkness would take it from the Core of Land of Departure, there was nothing the Guardians could do about it, they had struggled to fight Xehanort, they would never lay an basic attack on Them.
Vanitas kept trying not to drown as the hands kept pulling him in, but then he just... Decided to. If he was going to be used again, then it would be on his own terms. If he couldn't be what he was supposed to anymore, he wouldn't be anything. Ventus' hands were cold against him, as always, but they were unnaturally cold this time. Gently holding him, his entire being, taking him from The Abyss and guiding him somewhere else, a quieter place. Somewhere he didn't had to be anything, didn't had to watch Ventus die again, didn't had to do anything. He wasn't supposed to exist and there he could have some sort of non existance.
It was ungodly cold there. But it was nice. His own memories kept spinning around him, coming in bright flashes then disappearing as soon as they came. He never held on them as much as humans did. Vanitas was there to be a part of a human, not a human himself. And now he wouldn't be, he'd go completely to Darkness instead. What a bummer.
He wanted to punch Ventus. It was the first real thought he had after all his memories had been painted in that strange canvas and taken from him. It was only then that Vanitas realized he had had a thought in general. Anger would always come to him first, it seemed. Then it morphed into a need, and he hated how quick it changed. He couldn't even savor on his anger now, what a incredible day.
There was a moment where he felt everything. Vanitas wasn't himself — the part of Ventus he was supposed to be — and just... Everything else. A thought, a feeling, an emotion, a part of something greater and nothing at all. The world fractured and remade itself on colours too bright and too dark at the same time. Vanitas stepped on solid ground, and bewilderment followed him to... His own Station of Waking. He was very sure that was his and not Ventus because he couldn't exactly feel Light inside it, it wasn't like a normal Heart because he wasn't supposed to have that fragile stupid thing on his own. It was terrifying, to have a Heart.
He could hear the whispers of the The Abyss, the waves gently pushing through his Station. He could feel soothing cold coming from the inside of it — donated Light for his stupid Heart. What he couldn't feel was the ability to create the way it was before. Morbid curiosity crawled on his skin and made him step forward, to the further edge of the stained glass. He stared at the very end of it. The chains of connection, the Steps. He had it all now, but what he was curious to see was where they'd connect.
None went to Ventus. That was strangely reassuring.
One went to Luxu, the greedy bastard. How and why, he'd never know. One went to... Him. That made Vanitas raise an eyebrow. But then it hit him hard. Ventus didn't die. Ventus was alive and well and stupid. He gave up his will for Vanitas, he—
Ventus gave a Soul to Darkness, now it could sense and understand connections through Vanitas. He gave them a way to travel Hearts and Time. Gods Above, his Half was a lunatic. Was he really this connected to Darkness that he'd give his will to it? Was he insane?! Ventus gave way too important things for the wrong people. Wrong cause.
Also Vanitas just wanted to return home. His only home. The one he shouldn't have left, ever. And now he wouldn't. Couldn't, forever. Before, when he had been rejected, he knew why. Twice. Now, though? It made no sense with how much Ventus was wrong in the head ever since Sora was sent to Unreality. It just made no sense. Why did he had a Station of Waking, why was Ventus smiling after he started screaming at him? Why did Ventus gave up his will just to have Vanitas as his own being instead of healing himself fully — he'd be glad to do so.
It didn't matter what Ventus was saying, because he wasn't saying anything that answered what Vanitas was feeling. He knew he was angry, that was for sure. Seething, even. But he was also just... Hopeless.
It had never happened before. He had always held onto to Hope, even if it had become a delusion. And now he didn't had hope, not anymore. Ventus really did needed Darkness, they were one in the same. He just took. Took. Took. Saying it was for the good of them both, taking because he was selfish and couldn't think before acting, taking because everyone else always gave to him, taking because he only knew to take. And Vanitas was tired of it.
So when Ventus started looking real odd at him, he decided to take back. Because Ventus wasn't saying anything that made sense to him, and he looked pained, and Vanitas wanted him to feel pain. He wanted Ventus to bury himself on agony, for everything he did to him, for denying him everything he had ever wanted, for just taking. Vanitas decided to take back because Ventus would never give. He really was one and the same with Darkness.
They loved to take from him, to force him out of hope. If only They knew it just took Ventus to act for Them for his hope to die. They'd isolated him sooner. Vanitas wanted Ventus to choke on his own disguised selfishness, for him to feel an ounce of the pain he gave Vanitas with this Gods be damned Station. He could take. He should take. Wasn't that what he was made for, before? Take Ventus' light?
Wasn't that what Xehanort had always wanted anyways? What The Master wanted? A Weapon?
He'd give them a Weapon alright. He'd force Ventus to break his Gods be damned Heart over and over again until there was nothing left of his Station, because he didn't even wanted a Heart to begin with. He genuinely hated this. Hated that The Master had a connection to him now, that Darkness could read and understand feelings now because They had access to his Heart. Ventus doomed them all.
Vanitas stared. He should cut off Ventus' tongue first. Because he spoke too much and didn't say anything at the same time. He said things that didn't matter, things that made no sense. Then he'd cut Ventus' hands off. Yeah, that would do it. Carve some runes over his pretty face, just so when he woke up, Aqua and all the stupid people that put him in that Dome would have to deal with physical scars that wouldn't ever leave. Then Ventus touched him. Because of course stupid little brat Venty needed reassurance for the things he did. Vanitas felt genuinely awful.
Like there was something off with his... Heart? Soul? Whatever it was that was still a part of Ventus that was given to him.
There was a strange understanding inside of him somewhere, a call back for something that had already happened between them. Sure, they'd usually be very physical, but this was different. He knew how the Awakening worked, he couldn't feel temperature like on the outside. And yet. Everything that was wrong with his newly formed Heart was apparent, there. In the way he felt warm, annoyingly warm, the way The Unversed tried to still climb away, breaking free from it's prison even if in less substantial forms. Misty black, red and purple.
Vanitas felt overwhelmed with something he didn't even understood yet. Because his sense of self was still somewhat connected to Ventus, and he was right there, half lidded eyes, dark and— why was Ventus staring at him as if he really wanted Vanitas to bite him? Maybe he should. He wouldn't take anything but blood this time. And blood was more than fine.
Maybe he should take from somewhere Ventus would definitely hate him for. That would make him more distant. That would force him to be distant. He knew how much his Half enjoyed being numbed out of things he didn't want to endure himself. And now he would have to. And Vanitas would have to, for himself, not Ventus. It kept making him warm, how much Ventus was leaning in, kept loosening screws he didn't even knew he had yet, didn't understand what purpose it served. It was different, because now he had a Heart of his own, he had more clarity than ever to know they shouldn't be this close.
Enough to breathe the same air, from each other's lungs. Ventus was impulsive, everyone knew that. It was why he suffered what he did. It was what it was, that was how the Guardians treated that trait of his. So it wasn't really surprising that Ventus would initiate it. Whatever it was. He sensed something happening to the Station as a whole when Ventus' fingers slipped inside his coat, tracing the ends of a Rune of endurance. And wasn't that ironic.
Maybe that day on the Dark Beach really changed them for the worst, because it was Ventus that took, everytime, ever since then. But he didn't care, not as much as he should. Vanitas was used to having things taken from him at this point — things he'd not willingly give, that is. He had been angry, but this... Wasn't anger. It wasn't the same urge that made him bite, it was... Well. It was very close to it. It wasn't a need to return, that is, since now he had nowhere to return to. It was just the warmth, the same kind of warmth that would greet him whenever he took something for himself instead of Them. Made Vanitas remember things he really didn't want to — not anymore. He wasn't used to feel warm just for the sake of it, not because They were speaking inside his head with Their wishes and whims.
Ventus made him feel annoyingly warm.
He couldn't get enough of it.
It was different than fusing, merging. There was a building pressure, and the warmth didn't reach his entire body, though it tried very hard to shut his mind, whenever Ventus' fingers traced the pattern of silver on the sides his coat. He had kicked Ventus countless times there, on the ground of his own Station of Waking, had held him by the throat and punched, had pulled his hair, asphyxiated him as much as he could knowing it wouldn't break a dent of his physical body. And yet this, whatever it was, was what seemed to actually have an effect on his Half. There were very few things, Vanitas knew, that had been mutual between him and Ventus. None of them felt good like this did. Like he didn't had to have a sense of purpose, like he could break and drift apart from his own body, and it would be the happiest thing that had ever happened to him.
Fighting was mutual — most times — between them. Dying had been mutual. Yet this was the most separated mutual thing he had ever done with Ventus. Himself. His Half. They shared something else now, not the Heart, but for the brief moment they weren't fighting — with words this time — it felt like they were... Vanitas didn't had a word beyond conquering for it and he definitely wasn't going to use it, because it didn't sound right either. Though it was some sort of exchange, that was for sure.
But conquering meant fighting, and Ventus was definitely not fighting him, not with how he simply let Vanitas' fingers dance all over his hair. There was too much and very little, and Vanitas didn't knew where exactly he began and ended, like he was passing through The Abyss and down somewhere else. The other place, the one Ventus had created for him without even asking him if he wanted. Like he had been detached from his own body, yet he could feel every single time Ventus' fingers — individually, worse of all — touched him. Itchy. Yeah, that was better way to put it. Ventus made him warm and itchy and he definitely hated this. Reminded him he was a whole new person and not just a part of Ventus anymore. Being separated shouldn't feel worse now that he had a Heart of own, but as soon as Vanitas let go, because he needed to, it hurt.
Not that the need was real, since no one could exactly die on their own Stations, but alas. He shoved Ventus so far off back his own Station of Waking the idiot had no other option but waking up in the Realm of Light. Vanitas didn't woke up, not immediately after Ventus left and not a day after.
The fact that Vanitas woke up made him incredibly frustrated. He was glad he woke up in the Realm of Darkness instead of that stupid Castle, with the broken small homes of different Worlds that weren't remembered, the ones that would be forever asleep. Vanitas had been inside the small cottage he called his home, a part of a World that had fallen asleep many centuries ago, what the people of Light once called Atlantis. He liked his little room, the memories of when he had been first created by Ventus there as a reminder of where he truly belonged. Now they sat there staring at him mockingly. The recollection of what had happened kept coming from the very bottom of his being — his being. A human.
A human, a Somebody, someone with both a body and a Heart and a Soul. And his own Station of Waking. Before it, he had been quietly drifting away and it had been so nice... He hated feeling things that stuck with him. So he had thrown himself into a crusade of sorts, trying to discover what could get his Heart broken into tiny flakes. For about half a day he tried finding The Gazing Eye and Luxu, because why the hells would he summon The Foretellers if not to start The Prophecy and awaken Kingdom Hearts?
And since he was now only half Darkness, thanks to Ventus, he could ignore some of Their most exquisite commands. Like the glaring flashing FIND VENTUS that kept coming every now and then inside his mind. Because why would he want to find Ventus at all after he took away his only hope? Vanitas had waited for several years and... He snarled. Kept forgetting Ventus' true alignment, why he had been Their First at all. It was funny, in a way, that the Guardians all kept ignoring it until it was Vanitas that they were facing. Then they'd say "oh of course it's the darkness in the Heart, what else could it possibly be?" as if he hadn't been a part of Ventus' Heart before he had even been given a name. He genuinely didn't understood them, didn't before because he had some sort of morbid curiosity towards them, but now he had clarity inside of him.
Vanitas didn't had to go that far either. He was inspecting San Fransokyo when it happened. When Ansem pulled the 'We're both a part of Darkness, but they don't have to know' all over again.
For months he envied Ventus with how close he was of Terra, and after he saw what Xehanort made out of Terra, their first contact in the Realm of Darkness, the taste of Envy inside of him turned sour. Because what in the sacred hells was Terra's darkness? That was when he had to do research, because Xehanort didn't knew shit, and he was still not fully connected to Them to understand it.
Terra wasn't a Vessel, clearly, not Theirs at the very least, but he was an unwilling participant of whatever path Xehanort had been paving for Darkness at the time and it resonated with every single World's Core Darkness. Ansem acted as a incompetent father would, it was horribly annoying. Because Vanitas was older than him in any sense except the physical body. If anything, he was Ansem's great grandfather, but the Heartless just smirked at his annoyance and called it a day.
He was inside a convenience store buying — without money, just the good old gaslighting and Memory spells — some bubblegums when the lights around him flickered, came back, dimmed. Then they went out, just as the floor became shadows.
Being forcefully shoved into Shadow Traveling was a treat. It was great, the thrill of having his lungs being filled with unbearable warmth and acidic scent instead of the common citric one that was laid everywhere Darkness touched. The strong taste of sulfur was very enticing. Anything that could take away the taste of caramel from his tongue was welcomed, really. If he knew Ansem would pull him randomly in a thursday like this he wouldn't even bothered with the bubblegums at all. Then he blinked, hand on slightly colder ones. Oh, great.
Vanitas could have been watching a robofight and instead Ansem had pulled him to the Gods be damned Labs inside Hollow Bastion. And instead of being tied to a chair and studied like some sort of parasite, he was holding hands with Ventus. He wanted to jump Ansem. Either of Ansems would be fine. Ienzo had nothing to do with it, though, poor child being tossed by his caretakers left and right.
He kind of sympathized with Ienzo, being also taken from his origins and being tossed around like a ragdoll by his new caretakers. What a life. And there was also Ventus. He thought he'd kill him the second he saw him, but Vanitas didn't. All the fire of his anger turned to embers and ashes the second he laid eyes on his Half. It was awful. So to compensate, he decided to be a little shit, just until he could go away from all of them. Both Ansems could stick a hard one down their throats with how intrusive they were, but it was kind of nice seeing Aqua bite down her own insults to both of them. Vexen was a little shittier than before. Even. Whatever. Blond old man was a big nuisance before, he was still being one now. What a plague. Being treated as a rat for science wasn't as bad as he thought it would be.
It was distracting, really. Quieted the voices of Darkness and the thoughts of what happened at that forsaken Station of Waking he now had. Not entirely, but made them quiet enough for his physical body to finally react to being drugged and abducted. Because that was exactly what Ansem had done, and he knew, the coward. The Seeker really was half Xehanort in that regard, Terra was just stupid, he wasn't a stupid coward, that was for Ventus and Xehanort only. Great titles went hand in hand.
Ventus had joined their foreheads, like they'd do before, but before he had been Ventus, also. Now he was something else entirely and this felt way too close, with how their eyes met, way too warm, it lingered too much. Maybe he was dying. That would be cool. That would be great, even.
"You can let go, Ventus," Vanitas murmured under his breath, right hand patting his Half's cheek. "I'm not leaving you."
Was it for his own comfort or just to tip Ventus off? He wouldn't know. He barely understood what was happening to his own mind now, everything sluggish. But Ventus did let go, so now he was trying to respect his wishes. Or maybe it was because he sipped some reassurance there that he was still his precious little toy, somehow, and it made Ventus feel better about leaving him behind. Even stared at him as if he was seeing some unpleasant dessert, curious yet disgusted. Ansem was typing something on that damned computer and Ienzo was trying to find a good dosage for the sedatives to kick in.
"I can deal with pain," He mumbled.
Ienzo eyed him for a second before returning to the silicon hose that had been slapped onto his arm the moment Ventus got out of the room. "I'd rather avoid that."
Vanitas shrugged. The thing prickled his whole arm. "I can deal with it, just do whatever you need."
"Please refrain from moving," Ienzo whispered, appling more of the sedative onto the white serum he was pumping onto Vanitas' veins.
He was being nice, so Vanitas did as told. His eyes felt off, but it was different than the off they felt when he had looked at Ventus. This was real off. They blurred at the edges, like crying did, but worse. There was a bit of pain, like he had a headache after being hit hard enough to pass out.
"Don't fight the medicine, boy," Ansem said from his computer, and it made Vanitas' skin crawl with something awfully familiar.
"Empty creature from Ventus' river—"
"Oh?" Even said, muffled by white noise and the echoes of his boots hitting the ground as he walked.
Empty creature. Hah. If only Xehanort could see him now. Master this, master that. It was a horrible title to wear, yet everyone that had it carried it with so much pride it made Vanitas want to skin them alive.
Boy. Vanitas giggled. Boy. He was older than everyone in that room combined. He was older than most people. Older than Luxu, also, that bragging bastard. Maybe he should start aging. Vanitas giggled again, something tingling inside his chest.
And he wasn't from Ventus' Abyss, that was fucking stupid. He was Ventus, not something of his. Also Ventus didn't just had a river, he had an Ocean, beautiful thing it was, quiet, calm, filling the gaps where it mattered, where Light could not reach, sustaining the Station of Waking, protecting the Light as best as it could. It ran deeper than just a river.
Ienzo's voice came all around him, loud, disruptive.
"Do you wish for me to call him back?"
It might have been a whisper right on his ear, breathed, distant so both his partners wouldn't hear it. It felt too loud. The silicon hose strapped on his neck was filled with dark magic, somehow. Ienzo was way too kind. He was a nice kid, that was for sure. Poor one, also, since he had to live with these idiots. Maybe Vanitas could have a use for him, take him back to Their side. Naturally born dark mages were so rare in the Realm of Light anyways, he definitely should do something about it.
Vanitas just giggled again. Ienzo sighed. It made him shudder. There would be pain, he knew it. At any moment now, he could almost taste the blood coming from the hypothetical bruises. Vanitas kept staring at Even and Ansem, planning their murders. Knives were too old fashion, even for him. Magic had a detection factor, so no magic. Maybe he could do it by just wearing a glove and snapping their necks? Then there would be Aeleus and Dilan, he could use magic on them. He knew exactly how they fought, anyhow.
"I'm not going to hurt you," Ienzo said right above him, turned him around. "And please do not hurt my bodyguards."
Vanitas stared at the visible grey eye, bored. "You don't want it?"
Ienzo blinked, lips twitching as if fighting a smile, playfulness glitting inside his eye. "No, I don't want you to hurt them."
Vanitas tapped his right hand fingers on the chair he was sitting, the vacant space between his half spread thighs. Interesting. "Kay."
"Is he coherent?" Ansem asked, oblivious and distant.
"Yes," Ienzo answered honestly, but his eye darkened into boredom immediately as the words left his mouth. "But not for much longer. The X procedure won't endure with him, he's not entirely human." His eye turned down towards Vanitas again, apologetic. "It's the Berserker all over again."
Vanitas scowled. He wasn't like Isa at all.
"Oh, how vile," Even drawled the words. "Anyhow, keep speaking to it, the Station is half gone now. Keep it awake through the medicine, let's see how it works under extreme fatigue."
"That won't be needed," Vanitas said loud enough to be heard by all of them. "I can deal with pain your paraphernalia can't replicate."
"... Which would be?" He could hear the discontent on Ansem's tone. Could taste the envy, also.
Vanitas snickered. "Pure Light, old man. You saw me using it. I'm older than you, but you can't remember Ventus almost dying on your Lab recently? Wow."
Ienzo frowned, brows knitted together. Even let out the most forced cough he had ever heard. Ansem opened his mouth, closed it, stared hard at Vanitas but he didn't say anything else. Even took away the hose at his neck, making Vanitas feel lightheaded, stared at the empty bag that was connected to it.
"Was that our last reserve?" He asked quietly, changing subjects immediately.
"No, I did a quick transfusion." Ienzo answered nonchalantly, but it earned him a hard glare from both old blondes. "It made him more susceptible to human treatment."
"It's your blood, Ienzo," Ansem hissed.
Even rolled his shoulders as if ready to throw a punch, but didn't say anything, just stared at the bag on the table where he left it, then sighed and took a notebook, writing the news and scribbling something very fast afterwards. Vanitas noticed the moviments getting sloppy as he wrote, and he couldn't begin to imagine what was going through the other's mind.
What kind of care he really felt towards Ienzo.
If the Guardians would have been this kind. Sora would, Vanitas knew, he'd do it in a blink, without missing a beat. Poor boy had tried to convince him to turn to the 'bright' side and join him, he had had to explain to Sora in somewhat basic language what he was. Maybe Terra, but that would be depending on how much Ventus would ask him to, and not from his own heart. He had a sliver of hope for Roxas, because of the last time they saw each other, he knew Roxas would at least try to. The others? No. None of them, not even Xehanort would.
Not even Riku, he knew it. Because he could deal with concepts of dark and light, but Darkness itself? He had dealt with a enthusiastic Ansem, a grooming one, at that, but not what Ansem was. He had one objective at the time, he didn't just exist in a vacuum. Vanitas could place a bet on his Venty. If he cared enough to spill blood, would mean he never truly cared at all. If he didn't do it, he'd feel guilty because it would prove Vanitas was right.
"Human treatment," Vanitas repeated. "You don't need to do that, I'm fine. I can deal with pain."
"You're used to it, doesn't mean you have to feel it." Ienzo muttered.
Sounded way too personal. Ansem looked slightly guitly, Even glared at his notes. They went quiet after that, a lot of blood work — his, mixed with Ienzo's, because it was the only way to even gather it. There was a bit of experimenting with his Heart, also, but it was mostly to measure his mana, how much he could spend, how long could he go without Cure, how his healing process worked. How Time magic affected him, also, and that made him raise an eyebrow at Ansem. They were doing to him what they couldn't do to Ventus, he realized a bit delayed. It was fine, because he'd also learn from it. From whatever they did to his Station of Waking. His Heart. Whatever.
Ansem sent Ienzo to the Hollow Bastion fortress Castle grounds, gather some stuff he really needed. Then, Even locked the door of the testing room they had led Vanitas in. Interesting. It was just him and Even, now. The blond took a scalpel from the table, walked slowly around the table, towards some notes left from Ansem The Seeker to Ansem The Wise. Vanitas stared, frowning. Even scoffed at something, then threw something at him with his left hand. A dagger pierced his knee and Vanitas blinked, lowering his head to see the damage.
His brain was fogged from the sedatives, so he didn't even registered any pain, but seeing his blood — the black slime he called blood, that is — dripping on pristine white floors brought something nasty out of his Heart. Castle Oblivion. Not being able to go on the main room. Main attraction. Maneuvering Ventus' sleeping body around the room, using his hand to hold the knives that carved the runes he had. Every incision. All the pain, the blood. He could almost see Ventus' eyes behind Even, the way they gleamed bright blue.
Vanitas snarled. Even cut open his arm, deep enough he could see his flesh. Half human, how interesting it was that he had flesh. Even seem to be thinking the exact same thing, looking rather incredulous at it, while Vanitas stared at his own flash with bewilderment. Even cut deeper, through muscle, not caring much for the lapses where veins met. What a great doctor. Unbelievable. Vanitas simply took in the view, barely blinking.
Every now and then, Even would poke his skin somewhere else, look up, take in whatever it was that he wanted from Vanitas' eyes, then look down. He sliced his throat, slowly. Agonizingly slow cut, but it ran deep. He could feel the blood soaking his shirt, sticky thing running down his stomach, reaching his pants. Even blinked a few times — that was the most he had made Vanitas bleed ever since he had started cutting. The cold air became chilling. Vanitas smiled, a small thing, stared down at Even with half lidded eyes. He cut Vanitas' vocal chords, watched as they snapped then crawled back together, muscles coiling then spreading, all layers of skin reforging themselves.
"Fascinating," Even mumbled. "The flesh is stitching itself together. Takes a minute, counted."
"Thanks," Vanitas said, then, barely able to think. "I heal fast. Wow. What a discovery."
"Gauge his eyes, Even," Ansem proposed softly. "Cut his tongue, also."
Way too soft for the procedure he was speaking of, but Vanitas snickered. Aw, the old man still held on to grudges. Even held his chin forcefully, as if Vanitas would run from it. He wouldn't. They didn't need to worry, but either way, Even held him, frost spreading through his skin, reaching his eyes. Vanitas breathed in, deeply, as the scalpel made it's way into his vision. It pierced, first lightly, then deep. A thought popped inside his brain, bright and furious. FIND VENTUS. Vanitas almost blinked it away, but that would ruin the tests.
It kept flashing inside his mind. The scalpel crossed his ocular globe. Reached a few veins.
"How is it?" Ansem asked.
"He's unresponsive." Even answered easily. "But his cut eye is now entirely black. I will take the globe, see if the assessment will try to return it."
"I won't," Vanitas mumbled.
As he said he would, Even took his eye away from it's socket. Vanitas stared in wonder, as it was set aside in a small translucent plate and send to Ansem. Another thought formed inside his mind. This time it didn't annoy him, just made him slightly uncomfortable. Why would Ienzo hide his eye? Even had taken the exact same eye, also.
Clarity would be the end of him. Even raised the scalpel again, aiming for the other eye. Vanitas breathed in, out. A lamb broke right beside Ansem, outside the chamber they were in. There was a loud noise, a second later. Even paused, a finger inside the empty socket as if he wasn't really thinking about it, slowly turned his head to Ansem with a frown. The old fuck was sprawled on the floor, heaving.
Even blinked a few times. Turned his head back to Vanitas, who just shrugged. That wasn't him. Could be the lab itself. Even took his finger out of Vanitas' missing eye little spot, the cold had given Vanitas something to think about, then he made the first cut. Paused. Cut again. The door swung open. Ienzo breathed in. Vanitas wanted to blink, but he didn't. He smiled, then, or tried, but Ienzo frowned and shook his head.
"Father," Ienzo narrowed his eyes to the lost eye in the plate. "What's the meaning of this?"
"He's a willing participant," Even shrugged. "And he's not human, it is your blood that made him so. It's gone, now. We can test as much as we like, he doesn't even flinch!"
Vanitas' vision was terrible, but he could see how paler Ienzo was. Ansem got up, eyes red. It took Ienzo a second, but when he finally moved, it was purposeful, eye sharp. He snatched the scalpel from Even's hand, shook his head, still glaring. He then proceeded to mutter an incantation, a hand over Vanitas' barely functional eye. His vision grew stable again — not normal, but better. The other side was completely white. It annoyed him to no end.
"I'd recommend an eyepatch," Ienzo whispered and patted Vanitas' knee. It had healed already, before Even opened his arm, but the touch made Vanitas narrow his eye. "Light can get annoying."
He snickered. "You don't say,"
Ienzo nodded once and stared at Ansem through the window with a murderous glare, then he took Vanitas' eye still left on that plate and hummed.
"I'll handle your eye, we have a few that can help your sense of direction. It won't give your vision back, but it'll help your body adapt to being half blind," Ienzo said, then. "Would you like that?"
Vanitas raised an eyebrow. Would he like... What a question. Loaded, even if Ienzo didn't knew. Vanitas had never been asked anything like that. What would he like, on his own behalf, though Ventus had asked him if he would ever change his name, if he could be something else besides Darkness and a Half of Ventus. He nodded. Couldn't bring the words out of his throat, not when he wasn't sure what it meant to really have things that were entirely his own, not Darkness, not Ventus'.
Ienzo guided him to a colder chamber, with prosthetics all over it, a museum of limbs and body parts. Probably made for the humans in Radient Garden, for the Replica Project and things like that. They had a multitude of eyes, basic colours, fun ones. Vanitas didn't find any golden irises, which, well, he'd give Ventus that. At least he had been creative when imagining his own darkness. Ienzo was still absently staring at Vanitas' black eye, sometimes touching his hidden eye and mouthing a curse, lightly shaking his head and then focusing on some other prosthetics. It happened at least three times before Vanitas found silver blue on a glass box and paused. Stared down at them, hard.
"You want them?"
"No," Came immediately from his mouth.
Ienzo tilted his head a little. He tapped the collection of grey irises, from solid steel silver to greyish red. He turned to the blue ones, from bright baby blue to deep dark. "I used to have blue eyes."
Vanitas blinked. "Both?"
"Mhm," Ienzo stared at them, hard enough it could be a lazer focused beam. "Ansem took them."
Vanitas hummed, stared at the collection of limbs at the back of the chamber. "Before or after Xehanort?"
"Before," Ienzo muttered. "Way back when. I was born here."
Vanitas paused. Stared at the blue eyes again. He saw Ienzo's reflection on the glass, then. How smaller he looked, how his face was positioned to fit the baby blue section perfectly. He looked better with blue, also, and Vanitas stared, then, at the pair of sky blue right beside it. Sora's eyes. Naminé's also.
"You can't get much worse than not ever being born and still existing," Vanitas shrugged. "You're fine, Ienzo. You're kind and a little bit traumatised, just as We like. Don't get sappy about your eyes, you can still see things, doesn't matter what you had to do to be able to."
Ienzo stared at him through the glass. "We, as in, the force behind my gift for magic, yes?"
Vanitas smiled, a bit more genuine than before. "Yeah, We. The Seeker, me, everything inside The Abyss, the Heartless and Dusks. Darkness."
Ienzo's silverish blue eye widened a bit. "Oh," He breathed out.
"When you think of the force behind it, what do you see?" Vanitas asked, right hand on his left forearm, tracing his own Rune of Reunion.
"I see the ocean," Ienzo whispered, eyes distant. "A force of nature, there for those that wish to travel inwards, violent when crashing with the sky, beautiful when at peace with it."
Vanitas felt something flutter inside his chest, and for a moment, he felt glad that he had a Heart there to give him clarity. Hope. How much he had missed it. Ienzo had picked an eye for him, one he hadn't seen anyone using yet. Riku's eyes were almost that green, more light than it, Teal ones. This was a deeper bluish green, almost the color of the ocean that connected Scala Ad Caelum to some of the other Worlds. It also fit with gold, red, silver and blue, somehow. Vanitas forced his functioning eye to focus on the words in the tube the eye had been.
Viridian Green.
Notes:
I hate Ansem The Wise.
Chapter 28: Take Me Past The Edge
Notes:
So, Terra and Isa aren't exactly on bad terms as much as they aren't on good ones. That's what's going on with them ekgkekfkeke and Ventus and Vanitas aren't on bad terms but they aren't really seeing that they can be on good ones so there's also that
By the way, heads up for mutilation, still, because Vanitas is angry angry
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
It was settled between Terra and Riku how their traveling would work. They all gathered at The Mysterious Tower to give Terra a parting celebration — for more reasons than just taking Riku's place.
It was agreed between Terra, Aqua, Mickey, Merlin and YenSid that he could go see his World just once, and if he decided to stay there, he'd have to relinquish his Keyblade. It was a strange commitment to make, but Terra did anyways. He had promised the ghost of his mother he'd see it once before he died. He spoke about it to Riku and Ventus the day before the celebrations, and they stood awake, the three of them, the entire night.
Terra told them everything he remembered from his old home, everything he remembered from being raised by Eraqus, also, told them which rules to break without the consequences of the other masters coming to get them — that took a snicker out of Ventus, but Riku was dead serious.
The parting celebrations took half the day, because for some odd reason everyone wanted to give Terra a gift as if he was going away forever.
Naminé gave him a new glove and a new wristband, all embroided with small things that related to each of his friends — a sea salt ice cream for his friends in Twilight Town, a star for the friends over Disney Castle and YenSid, a Paopu for the ones in Destiny Islands, the Mark of Mastery for Eraqus and a Wayfinder with the three colours on each point.
Roxas gave him Fenrir, which was kind of funny. It was one of Sora's favorite keychains, and he told Terra to come back to return it to Sora once they found him. Lea gave him a coat, for some reason he didn't specified, but his eyes kept fleeting from Isa to Terra, and that said enough. Xion gave him a seashell, Ventus gave him a piece of a pendant he recognized as a part of one of his Keyblades but he didn't question how Ventus even got that, he just accepted it. Hayner, Pence and Olette gave him a kaleidoscope. They said it was a joined effort so he only had one, but that was a nice gift anyways.
Chirithy gave him a pouch filled with powered Whispers when they were alone. They said it came directly from The Final World, that it was a gift of someone else. The amount of magic embedded on it was enough to cut short what would take years of travel in just a few days, but it was a secret.
Aqua gave him the ring. Lizzie's ring. From her wedding. She didn't say a word about, just sighed and put it on a small chain, as a pendant, and locked in above his wristband. It was right beneath Riku's gift, one of his late father's favorite bracelet. It was made of bright silver, chained, with a middle finger ring that attached to the bracelet by a cord made of gold. It was beautiful, and made Terra question why Riku himself didn't used the stuff he had, so in turn, he gave Riku one of his biological father's jewels, a golden ring with blue diamonds attached all the way to the sides. Riku wore it everywhere, it was kind of cute.
A cherished gift for a cherished person.
And then there was Isa. He only came to Terra once everyone had already said their goodbyes, when Terra was getting ready to cross the portal. Everyone had already rejoined YenSid at the Tower, but Isa stood behind until he was the only one left. For a second, Terra thought he'd receive a punch as a gift with how much Isa had been frowning. He had missed his armor but it was odd being inside it again, it brought him an odd disturbance, as if he had to be ready at all times. Maybe he was just paranoid to get stuck on it for a second time.
"Get rid of them," Isa said, then.
Terra blinked a few times, then chuckled. "Them?"
"The ones you're hosting," Isa clarified, eyes on the portal behind Terra. "Get rid of them."
His eyes were different now, just like Ven's were. They were back to their natural aquamarine, but there were orange veins coming from the pupils and spreading through the irises. It was very contrasting. Made him all the more menacing.
The thought of getting rid of anything Xehanort related made him giddy, but for some reason the idea of losing the odd dreams Ansem gave him and the horrible night talks Xemnas made him have didn't sit right with Terra at all. Maybe because they were part of him too, even if he hadn't agreed with their creation. He felt more conflicted about it than leaving his friends behind, and that was saying more about him than about the nature of the beings he had been hosting all these months.
He settled on answering in half truths. "If I could, I would."
Isa raised an eyebrow. "You're awful,"
"Maybe I am," Terra sighed, scratching his hair. "Can't change that now, too old for it."
He almost asked why was Isa there at all, but he didn't want to be rude yet, so he waited for the catch. Isa put his hand through the portal, fingers coming frosty from it. The idea of just getting a strand of hair through a portal to The Oceans Between without protection had always made his skin crawl. Watching Isa do it without a care in the world was... Staggering. The reflections of light danced around them like glittery dust as it melted off his skin. Isa turned his head a little, hummed.
"Did it hurt?" Terra asked, mostly because he was curious. But also because he was already using the Glider so casting anything not self inflicted was a bit more difficult for him.
Isa shrugged. "I'm used to pain."
"Isa," Terra said, exasperated.
"I'm fine," He turned around, touched Terra's forehead.
It hurt like hell. It was also one of the best things he had ever felt, it was a strangely good kind of hurt.
"Don't come back," Isa stared right past him. "We'll take care of Aqua and Ven just fine."
"You? Taking care of Aqua?" Terra raised an eyebrow. "You don't even take care of Lea."
Isa snickered. "He doesn't need it." His eyes flickered back to Terra, they studied him as if he wanted to say something else but he just lowered his eyes and shook his head, patting Terra's shoulder. "Send a message for her, you know. For Ven."
"Through you?" Terra stared at the hand on his shoulder then stared back at Isa. "I'm not dying again, you know."
"Maybe you will, who knows," Isa mumbled.
Terra took a deep breath, then took a step, courage, and slapped Isa's head on the side, lightly. It earned him a murderous glare, but Terra smiled, annoyed.
He couldn't feel what he wanted from what he had just done. Somewhere inside his mind, Xemnas hummed — he could answer it, but Terra wanted to know for himself, not by his Other.
"You deserved it," He said quietly.
Isa's eyes narrowed until they were mere slits. He hummed again, lowered his head, hand tapping on the armor. The anxious way he was acting was almost funny — almost too normal, too worried.
"You should be happy I'm gone for a while, Isa," Terra said a bit too fast, too murmured.
"I am," Isa answered in kind, immediately after the last syllables had left Terra's mouth.
"Sure you are," Terra frowned. "I'm almost blinded with how you're shining with it."
Isa gazed at him with silent contempt through his eyelashes, then he started pulling at the armor, almost as if he wanted it to break his nails. Huh. That was concerning, at worst. It was almost... Oh, Terra knew this.
He used to do the exact same thing when—
"You've seen the other side of it, right?" He mumbled.
Isa inhaled, then nodded.
"Did it hurt?"
"He was awful," Isa stared at the portal as if it had personally ruined his life. "But he never hurt me like that, not in the way everyone thinks."
"Then stop punishing yourself,"
Isa paused. Turned his head and focused entirely on Terra, in a way that felt claustrophobic.
He blinked, eyed Terra for a second or two before lowering his hand and then his head again. He took something from a small dark light that formed around his fingers. It looked like glass, refined in a way Terra recognized, painfully so. It was one of the very few things he had from his homeworld. Had inside of him, because of that Gods be damned chandelier. It was a piece of it he had unfortunately swallowed when it fell with the entire ceiling, right above him. Terra could imagine exactly how and why Isa had it, and he couldn't help the disbelieving snicker that rose from his throat. He knew a side of him would probably fixate on these things if given chance, and Xehanort had more of a reason to want to test the physical hurt, but seeing it was...
Horrifyingly funny. Irritatingly so. Because it was the moon shaped side of the refined glass.
"His moon," Isa raised an eyebrow. "Because there was a sun somewhere else. So, because you like speaking for him,"
Dread came crashing over him like pouring rain. No.
No, he wasn't playing this game. That was dangerous territory, deep waters Terra did not enjoyed diving through — Xemnas would force him to, anyhow, but Isa doing so... No.
"Isa,"
Isa shrugged. "Why?"
"Why what?" Terra snapped. He felt bad for it right after the words left his mouth. But. "I should be the one asking you that, really, because you had been restored and you came back." He scowled. "You knew it. So. Thrice, Saïx. Don't give me any ideas."
He really shouldn't be indulging the game, and yet here they were. What he said to Ventus was something he was trying to wrap his own head around ever since his little conversation with Isa at Twilight Town, that substitutes weren't replacements, but that was probably how it felt for them, and that was a huge part of why they couldn't stand being so close to Terra, Isa and Lea, but especially Isa — aside of Xemnas making the oddest remarks inside his head whenever he did tried to give Isa room and space for normal talking. So much for not crossing a line, then, but whatever. Terra could live with it. He would have to, anyhow.
"Why you look like that," Isa said, almost too quiet. "Like you're ready to rip my throat the moment I'm on your peripheral view. It wasn't Xemnas that gave me this, it was you, the one time you came through instead of Xehanort. We were talking, and you switched."
Terra felt lightheaded, blood suddenly gone from his brain. He should remember that, he remembered most things from when he switched with Xehanort. Remembered not being able to see, just hear things, could barely feel anything, tingling sensations distant from his heart — because it wasn't entirely there.
"You asked me to cut you open," Isa crossed his arms, hiding the glass away. "It's an awful thing to ask a fourteen year-old."
He didn't— he... He did. He remembered that.
Terra sighed. He remembered exactly what he had said. "Isa."
"That's when the moon thing started," Isa shoved the memory back inside his mind, but Terra just stared at him, lost in the orange vices spreading through aquamarine irises. "I thought you were joking. I thought when Xemnas came to me, he would have forgotten about that. Bummer that he didn't." He shrugged. "And you still look like that at me, so I'm not giving you anything, you don't deserve it. But consider it a reward."
Terra let out a shaky breath, then he chuckled, baffled. "So if I stay, you'll do what he did. If I come back, you'll give me something I gave you." He barely saw Isa nodding before taking a glove away and hugging him. "Bet."
Isa sighed right onto his neck. "Did that gave you any ideas?"
"Many," Terra mumbled, trying not to tangle his hand on soft blue hair and pull hard enough it would make him kneel instead, and let go. "None Xemnas can have a say on."
Isa blinked slowly and then the bubbles of subtle laughter made themselves present. Terra was almost relieved. "Good luck."
Terra nodded, a hand passing through Isa's hair the same way he did with Aqua. "Thanks,"
He passed through the portal.
* * *
Ventus didn't dealt with another loss that well. As soon as they got back to the Castle, Ventus shut himself in the bathroom. For hours. Chirithy spoke to him through the door, but then after a few words, they left him alone. Chirithy was still trying to understand what Ventus had meant about Vanitas, about not wishing to lose him, a being of Darkness, but not wishing to be complete with him either. As if Vanitas would be destroyed if Ventus got completed. A ridiculous idea, a childish notion. Darkness would forever exist, even as Light prevailed. Vanitas was just Ventus' negativity, he could never be entirely purged, just dealt with through behavioral treatment, much like master Eraqus did to Terra. But better.
His Darkness, even more. But now the other one was... A problem. Vanitas was a problem, always had been. Chirithy had thought Ventus would grow out of this notion of befriending his shadow when he became a part of the Dandelions, but his poor Ventus had a heart too kind for his own good, always looking to the brighter side of everything. Of everyone, but not his own. His own kindness was exploited left and right and Ventus let them do so.
They'd had to put an end to Vanitas — the other one seemed very decided to help with that, at least. Chirithy did not understood. Why was Vanitas offering to end his own life? To perish both in Heart and body? To gave away his Soul to the Final World? It made no sense. Ventus had given up his will for that part of Darkness, a kind act, a selfless act. A prohibited act, forbidden from all rules, even the ones Chirithy and the other Spirits weren't allowed to fully know — the First Battles, how to forge a Keyblade from someone's Will and Heart.
It was prohibited to enrich and enlighten the beings of Darkness with such knowledges from a Somebody. How to feel, to have this much clarity. And Ventus had acted in a act of selflessness, an act so great it transcended old and new rules on what a Keybearer was supposed to do. Ventus had created a Heart on his own. And had given it to a being of Darkness.
Chirithy tapped again against the door. Without half his Soul, Ventus' connection to the others was built solely by the Heart and the cravings of his body instead of his will and Heart, so they'd have to persist through the ideals that could be placed on his head. The idea of loneliness being ideal now made Chirithy anxious. They couldn't see the reason behind it, but Aqua apparently did — said it was better for them to leave him be, now.
But it had been hours. Ventus had been alone for hours now in the shower rooms. Maybe he had been asleep there just like the other time. They reached for Ventus' Heart, reached for their connection. If they had to put an end to Vanitas they'd have to do it quick, so Ventus could allow himself to feel his sadness fully, to mourn properly. For his Soul to be restored, also. Ventus didn't respond. Chirithy breathed, counted to twenty before trying again.
Ventus didn't answer, again. Their connection wasn't severed, so there was no reason for Ventus not to answer the call from his Heart. Unless he was going through the Awakening, which would make sense with how he quickly shut himself in the bathroom. It had been a week and a half since the Hollow Bastion incident, so neither Chirithy or Aqua understood what was happening and why it was happening at all, but Aqua let it go, saying it was for the best if they let Ventus come to rest on his own, that he needed this time alone. But... He didn't.
He never had. Not before and certainly not now. Chirithy would know, they had Ventus' memories, they were attuned to his very being, even if Ventus had been distant from him these months, they had been close when he was young and they could still feel how close they were — if not, they wouldn't be able to reach and take Ventus' nightmares from him. They could still sense his very being, so they'd know if he needed to be alone, which he never had.
The bathroom door didn't open until the very next day.
***
Terra was gone. Sure, it would be just for a month and a half, but he was gone. Maybe that was his fault. Ventus blinked the tears away. Smiled at the waters. Nah, it wasn't his fault. Terra had said so.
But a lot of things were his fault and people just denied it was to make him happy. So Ventus used his time on the Glider to reflect on that. He didn't need to be protected from things like people thought he did. Sure, he was impulsive, but why was he the one to be protected and not, well, Sora? Why did they let Sora do everything, threw everything on his back, and then when it went to shit, realized it was bad and just... Decided they needed rules for that too? It didn't made any sense. Ventus frowned then, and he was frowning now.
There had to be something in the libraries about the traumas of war, right? Because he had been through the original Keyblade War, so someone had to write about it. Ventus didn't had time to search it, since he was on the bathroom, laying down on wet floors, rethinking all his life choices. It felt natural to speak with the shadows when he was a child, it felt natural since... Since they were answering back. His first friends. And now, well, if he started doing so, everyone would be tremendously worried for nothing. Light had prevailed! Darkness was only a force in magic now, not something that would corrupt people into servitude like they thought.
And also, Ventus thought with a scowl, Darkness wasn't a corrupted force inside someone's Heart. That was absurdly wrong. They were sentient, like... A dog? They'd do what people asked but didn't understood the intent behind it. Very different from the shadows of a Heart, since that was building from character, it was the negativity of a person, and it could come through magic if trained to do so. It was what Xehanort had done, all these years, what Isa and Lauriam did, what Riku had done. What Terra had done, also, multiple times. Ventus' scowl deepend. So it was okay for them to do so, but not him, not Roxas, not Sora. Hah. The 'minor' excuse wouldn't run, also, since Riku had used the shadows of his Heart as a minor. And Ventus was a good hundred of years older than everyone there.
He paused. Ventus giggled, shaking his head, still laid on the floor. He was older than all 'old' masters combined, yet he couldn't do a quarter of what they could. Why? Physical appearance? Really stupid.
"Ventus?" Chirithy called, quietly, through the door.
Ventus sighed. Shifted. The shower was open, lightly, flooding the floor where he laid. He didn't even took his clothes, just let the water wash over him and then laid down. It made him feel more connected to his own self. To The Final World, also.
He decided to humor Chirithy a little. "Yeah?"
Chirithy muttered something under their breath. Then chuckled. "I am glad you're not asleep yet! Are you hungry?"
Ventus blinked the tears away. "Uhm, no? Not trusting my stomach that much, now."
"Oh? Are you feeling sick?"
"Sad kind of sick," Ventus shrugged, forgetting Chirithy couldn't see him. "I'll get better, don't worry! I just... I want to be alone for now, okay?"
Roxas' voice mocked him inside his mind. Ventus ignored it. Chirithy hummed and left, which... Okay. He could deal with that, also. He did needed to be alone, entirely alone. Just him and himself. Not even his shadows. Ventus giggled at that. Just him and... He blinked another set of tears away. Gods.
After an hour, that Ventus definitely didn't count by seconds, the shower turned off. By itself, since Ventus didn't bother to get up. If he catched a cold, he'd use Curaga and take a pill or two. Ventus blinked his eyes open, watching as something morphed out of the shadows reflected on the tiles, from the water on the floor, and tilted it's head.
"Hi," Ventus mumbled.
The shadows moved a humanoid hand, turned the shower on again, all water splashing onto Ventus' face with full force. He accepted it, swallowing his coughs and just laying there, on the floor, as the shadows tried to waterboard him. It prickled his face, somewhat, and when he felt like he couldn't actually hold his breath anymore, Ventus sit up.
The shower was turned off again. Ventus glared at—
Oh.
Vanitas tilted his head, crouched. He was grinning. "Done sulking?"
Ventus' eyes followed the lines of the eyepatch, dark as night, with intricate silver details. "Why are you—"
"You know, being Half you didn't taught me much," Vanitas cut, patting Ventus' cheek. "But Vexen showed me something really funny a week ago. Xehanort wouldn't do it since Darkness healed me," His left hand tapped his eyepatch. "Vexen did it, though."
Ventus' eyes grew wide. "What?"
"Hand." Vanitas said, then, smile dying, and offered a scalpel.
Ventus blinked a few times, eyes still on the eyepatch, then they slowly made their way to the scalpel and he swallowed. "You're... He... What did—"
"I'm not repeating myself, Venty."
Ventus stared at him through his eyelashes, mortified, then took the scalpel. It felt lighter than it should. He stared at the small blade, eyes narrowing. His eyes flew to a specific Rune on Vanitas' exposed arm, because just then he noticed the change in clothes. Not the boots or the pants, but why was Vanitas wearing a shirt that only covered one arm? Where was his coat?
"Are you hurt?" He asked, eyes still on the Rune of Reunion.
"You're going to cut right above the vein," Vanitas instructed calmly, completely ignoring Ventus' question. "Don't worry, if you start feeling lightheaded, you're doing it right. It'll bleed a lot, but that's the point."
Ventus bit his lip and nodded, shaky hand. He watched with sick fascination as his blood started flooding his forearm, just from a small cut. The pain made him feel dizzy, but he just looked up to Vanitas, waiting for another instruction. His Half hummed, fingers tapping Ventus' cheek. He moved and knelt behind Ventus then, head tilting, eyes narrowing.
"Were you afraid to cut deep?"
Ventus sighed. Swallowed. Cut exactly where it was open, but this time it went deeper than just the epidermis, and Ventus blinked the fresh tears out of the way. Vanitas' hand tapped where he should cut next — it followed a pattern. Straight cut, then sideways, then straight again. They were small, blocky waves. All cuts went deep into his flesh.
It hurt like hell and bled as if his body was expelling all the blood away. Right above every wave came a half circle, like a crescent moon being impaled by the waves. It wasn't hard to do, but it was the ones that hurt the most. His only consolation prize was Vanitas amused little snort as Ventus sighed and put the scalpel away. He almost leaned back, but paused. Breathed in, counted to ten.
He didn't even knew if Vanitas was still there or if everything had been a very elaborated dream. An arm wrapped around his middle and brought him in. Vanitas rested his chin on Ventus' shoulder and Ventus felt his body betray him in many ways when a quiet nervous giggle made itself known out of his throat. Fingers danced on his arm, healing where they touched.
It was scalding hot, like Vanitas was trying to burn the marks on his skin permanently. Ventus felt slower than a turtle, then.
He had a Rune of Endurance on his arm now. It wasn't just marking for the sake of it, it was a warning. Vanitas casted Cure on the tip of his fingers and Ventus wished he had this much mana control, because he could feel the magic on his skin individually, spreading only as far as the fingers allowed it to. He was so used to the feeling of his whole body being showered with the healing magic that this sent shivers running down his spine.
They were quiet for a minute or two, the scent of lemons etched onto his skin.
"What happened to your eye?" Ventus asked after what felt like forever, but it had only been two and a half minutes. He kept counting.
"I told you, Vexen happened."
"Does it hurt now?"
Ventus felt the rhythmic tapping on his side, as if Vanitas was dismissing many such answers he could give him. The breathing down his neck was slow, quiet, calm, almost soothing, almost lulled him into sleep. Then Vanitas guided his newly healed arm up, straight to his eyepatch. Their hands were the exact same size, Ventus thought absently, as he felt Vanitas blinking beneath the fabric.
"What do you think?"
"That they cut more than just your eye," Ventus blurted out and then winced.
Vanitas snorted and nodded. "Throat, arm, eye. Guess it was for science, not really malice, they wanted to know how well I could heal it all off and not just for the sake of torture."
"You let them?"
Vanitas hummed, lowered his head a little. He sniffed right on Ventus' neck. Made him grimace at how sudden that had been.
"Why not," Vanitas mumbled, but he was so close it had almost been said inside Ventus' mind instead. "They can't cut you open, so I'm the next best thing for Magic study, since they won't do it to Ienzo or Riku either."
"You're not a second option, Vanitas," Ventus muttered. "And you shouldn't let them do whatever just because you're used to being hurt."
Vanitas giggled, humorless. "Aw, how sweet."
"Seriously,"
"Let me break your arm."
Ventus blinked a few times. "Huh?"
Vanitas shrugged. "You're pissing me off."
"By being worried about you?" He turned around a bit. Eyepatch met him instead of molten gold.
"Oh, you're worried," Vanitas whispered and snickered. A hand slipped under Ventus' shirt. "Alright."
Either Ventus really had fallen asleep or his sense of time went to shit when he had cut himself, because why was he being lifted off the waters? Why was he being taken — well, not really taken. Just strangely maneuvered around like a doll onto the baths. Why was Vanitas taking his sweet time taking his clothes off and more importantly, why was he doing all of that anyways? It wasn't like Vanitas was going to bathe him, that was for sure, since he guided him there but just pushed him against the wall instead. His thoughts were answered by the scalpel cutting through skin. Another rune. He didn't knew this one, made right on his lower abdomen. It tickled and hurt at the same time, so Ventus was hissing little desperate giggles of both pain and...
Something else entirely. He didn't exactly had a name for it either. And there was also the fact that Vanitas wasn't even looking at what he was doing, he was breathing down Ventus' neck, nose right on his skin. Each time he inhaled, Ventus' fingers twitched. Each time he exhaled, Ventus blinked. The pain and the closeness of it all made his skin itch.
It overloaded Ventus' mind to the point he wasn't really thinking anything in particular, just some passing sentences here and there. He didn't even noticed when the burning began, or when the healing started. Well, he did noticed when the healing started, because it made him shudder and exhale through his mouth instead of his nose.
"Are you worried?" Was asked right on his ear.
Ventus took one destabilized deep breath. "I was."
"Okay."
"I was,"
Vanitas snorted. "Alright. You were worried. Wonderful."
Ventus sighed for the thousandth time. "It's not fair to you to—"
"Fair," Vanitas cut. "You wanna tell me what isn't fair?"
Ventus almost pushed him away. Almost. "Sorry,"
A hand on his lower back made Ventus go stiff. Was he going to get yet another rune? Or just a random cut? Or a third, worse option? Fingertips brushed his skin, running down his spine. It was soothing, but it definitely wasn't Vanitas' intention, Ventus was sure.
"You can," He swallowed bile and a disgusting little sound. "Break my arm."
"Hah," Vanitas giggled. "Alright then," He pulled Ventus' arm, the one without a rune. "Let's test your gift, shall we?"
Ventus didn't even had time to think about what Vanitas had meant before he felt a sharp pain running through his entire arm. He screamed, but Vanitas casted Silence at the same time he broke Ventus' arm. Huh. It wasn't just the Silence being cast, it was... Something else. The pain ran off quicker than it did before. It spread, but it wasn't like before. It went numb, even as Vanitas moved his arm this way and that.
The hand on his back pulled him closer, and Ventus felt as if he was made of mud. His body wasn't his own anymore, but he did automatically helped Vanitas with his pants — the belts, that is. He was being manhandled around the baths as if they had always done it and he couldn't begin to formulate a thought about it that wasn't just a "huh, that's not normal" and move on. That he was laid down in the bath and had it filled with herbs and soap was one thing, that it was Vanitas doing it was another entirely. It almost reminded Ventus of when his mother would do it, right before he got drafted to Fountain Square to join the other Keybearers.
Vanitas poured water on his hair, fingers running through it and dancing on his scalp.
"Why are you doing this?" Ventus asked with a frown.
"Because you can't use both your arms," Vanitas shrugged, sitting behind Ventus, outside the bath. "And because you reek of blood and me, so there's that."
Ventus closed his eyes right before Vanitas forced his head down the bath. And he took his time with this too, sometimes gentle, sometimes rough. Ventus felt as if Vanitas was borderline trying to kill him with kindness, at some point. Quite literally kill him, also. Rough gestures paired with gentle fingers, it was a bit too much for his heart. When Chirithy tried to reach for their connection, he simply ignored it.
He was fine. More than fine, maybe, as Vanitas pulled off his eyepatch and put it on Ventus instead, smiling in a almost mocking way, almost too soft for it to be for Ventus. Glassy green eye met him, a beautiful green at that. At some point his arm healed entirely on it's own, but Vanitas casted Cura just to be sure. Having hands helping him clean up was... Uncomfortably weird, it made him feel way too vulnerable, especially now that Vanitas wasn't a part of his Heart, they shared a Soul, so it wasn't something inherently on Ventus — Vanitas wasn't a physical part of Ventus anymore. It made things a lot more strange than they were before for Ventus.
And Vanitas dressed him in a shirt that wasn't even Ventus', he simply summoned it from thin air and dressed Ventus on it. A light black tunic with white details and his normal grey pants — it looked good in a unconventional way. He was very sure Aqua would raise eyebrows at him if she saw. That and the fact that Ventus has new scars. Perfect new scars, carved onto his skin not by brute force or accident but by his own hand. He doesn't move until Vanitas is done and gone — he gets sniffed a few more times, gets bitten too. It's softer, somehow, the bites. They're not there for the purpose of consuming something of Ventus, mostly his feelings. He doesn't know why Vanitas bit him this time, but it still felt good, so he let him. He lost count of how many hours he had been on the shower rooms, of how many bites he got. It doesn't really matter, Ventus slept in a clean and dry bath, and it's not comfortable, but it isn't bad either. At lest he got to sleep.
Notes:
Chasing the feeling of an otherworldly, surreal connection you use to have by being abnormally physical instead, what a life
Chapter 29: Infine Baths Bursting Colours When You Laugh
Summary:
And the waters are warm
Where they used to run freezing
Where there used to be storms
My horizon is fleeting
I'm so tired inside, I could sleep through a landslide
But I'm finally here and I'm not leaving this time(Infinite Baths — Sleep Token)
Notes:
FINAL CHAPTER MAN LOOK AT THE ROADDDD
DAMN
I'M SO HAPPY
ALSO HAPPY PRIDE EVERYBODY AHAHAHAHA
(See the end of the chapter for more notes.)
Chapter Text
Adapting to the frequent visits Ventus kept receiving during night time was hell. For Ventus, that is. Chirithy simply gave up after the first three, after seeing how well Ventus returned, how it made him happy. Aqua probably didn't knew about it. He kept being dragged around the villages down the Castle grounds by Vanitas, and they didn't really spoke. There was always the "get up" followed by a hair pull or wrist grabbing, but other than that, no talking. But Ventus kept letting it happen, kept letting himself be dragged off the Castle into the villages.
Saw things of the land he protected he didn't even knew existed. Birthday ceremonies, weddings, religious rituals. It reminded him that people still had a life of their own — reminded Ventus that he could exist in a world without being heavily influenced by the two Wars he survived. Maybe that was something he was missing, all these months. Because, well, caring as they were, his friends were still connected to the part of the worlds Ventus didn't had a say on. It was also very nice to just watch. He won a few jewels — which was a bit odd but they didn't really go by munny, so it was fine, he could guess — by just helping people around.
Nights were fun when he didn't had the anxiety of reminiscing in aftermaths of War. Both Wars. Parts of his life that once were missing and now were there and he had to deal with it by himself now, to stop being a burden to the people he loved. Even if they said he wasn't. Maybe he needed that, the calm of not having anything to protect that desperately now. Maybe it was why Lea and Isa were so adamant on not using as much magic outside training as he did.
They wanted normal lives — as normal as it could be.
There was a night — two weeks after Terra took Riku's place as a Sentinel — where a wedding was open to be celebrated by people outside family members, and Vanitas took him to it. They didn't shared a word about it, didn't let go of each other's hands. Ventus was growing used to the eyepatch, also. Just as he grew used to the runes on his body. It was a beautiful celebration, bright coloured lamps illuminating the streets where the couple passed by. For some reason people threw rice above their heads, but it was nice. It got Ventus to smile brighter than he had these days. It was nice to see people celebrating love, whichever kind of love they had.
It was also an excuse to use some of the stuff people gave him. Earrings were nice, he rarely got to use things like these, but they were nice. Especially since they matched Vanitas' glass eye. The green and all.
It was nicer when the married couple threw the rings. People ran off so quickly to try and find the rings — he thought only one of them threw the ring but oh well, it made more of a competition this way — that Ventus didn't even noticed when he himself began running off. Laughing. There was a timer to it, also. Up until five in the morning. The sun was rising already and no one had found the second ring. When Ventus returned from his third search party, panting, cheeks rosy, Vanitas raised an eyebrow, eye lifting from his empty cup to find Ventus' silver blue ones. He sized Ventus, then turned his eye back to his cup. Ventus giggled and fiddled with his shirt.
"Are you done?"
Ventus rolled his eyes. "Yeah, I guess it went to the river,"
Vanitas blinked a few slow blinks. "Right."
Ventus inhaled, exhaled, giggled, turned around to see people dispersing. "That was so much fun, though!"
Vanitas hummed. "You like running around doing nothing, what a shocker."
"Searching," Ventus corrected, eyes on the horizon. "I was searching for the ring."
He heard a scoffed breath right behind him. And Ventus was ready to turn around, face the mocking grin on Vanitas' face, about to say something among the lines of ''Isn't that the same thing?'' but Ventus was met with something cold sliding on his right hand, on the ring finger. It fit perfectly, and it almost annoyed Ventus on how well it did fit.
He breathed in, eyes on the rising sun. It reminded him of Daybreak Town a little.
"It was inside a cup," Vanitas said.
Ventus giggled again, then. "You found the ring and said nothing. Wow."
"Should I say something?" Vanitas tilted his head, hand on Ventus' own, fingers intertwined. Then he pulled the cheapest imitation of King Mickey's voice ever. "Venty, I took a glass of dry wine and almost choked on the ring you were looking for, hu-hah!"
Ventus bursted out laughing, hunching forward with shoulders shaking. He'd apologize for this to King Mickey, but the King didn't need to know, did he now. He brought them both to the grass, smiling from ear to ear when he noticed Vanitas was also smiling, less bright but just as genuine. He didn't fought when Ventus brought their joined hands to his lap, didn't even flinched when Ventus put his head on Vanitas' shoulder. But he needed to ask... So.
"Hey," Ventus began, slowly.
"Hm,"
"Why..." Ventus frowned at their joined hands. "Why are you—"
Doing all of this. Being nice. Caring. Why do you care for me so much? Why do I like that you care for me? Ventus blinked the thoughts away.
"Wearing white...?"
Vanitas made a sound through his nose that was too close to an amused snort for Ventus' liking. "It's just a shirt, Ventus."
And it was just a white shirt, but Ventus never saw Vanitas with anything but black. Ventus himself wasn't much of a white fabrics kind of person, so he had always thought that because Vanitas was a part of his Heart, that he got that from him. But maybe now that he was his own person, he could venture with other colours. Or not. He was thinking of why white for a while, though. White sleeveless shirt, the ChiBlade necklace and a few rings on his fingers, at that. With his unbuttoned coat above it all. That was another thing Ventus wanted to ask. Where the hells had all these rings come from?
"Yeah, but white?" Ventus squinted his eyes to the horizon. "You never wore white before."
Vanitas made another huffed chuckled sound. "Okay, you're—"
"You should wear more colours, you know," Ventus blurted out and groaned immediately after. "Don't punch me."
But Vanitas was just staring at him, stunned, mouth open with whatever retort he had been cut off from saying by Ventus' sentence. Then he just half rolled his eye and turned them to the horizon again.
"I'm not gonna punch you for saying random things," Vanitas mumbled. "You're barely awake, anyhow."
Ventus was very much awake, but he took that excuse as well as he took syrup. He turned a bit, eyes on the necklace. He moved his left hand and tapped it, fingertips running through the sapphires.
"Looks better on you,"
Colours. What he had meant to say was colours looked better on Vanitas than on Ventus.
Vanitas closed his eye, tilted his head a bit. He looked quite ethereal like this, sunrise on his skin, white gold and sapphires on his neck, hair reflecting light, silver and black shining around his shoulders. A person of his own. Not Ventus, not a part of him, just the same Soul, the same foundation, but a different construction. Ventus giggled, muttered the correction, even if Vanitas hadn't said a word about it, about what Ventus had implied by mistake.
"I'm tired," Vanitas whispered. "Been tired for a while."
Oh.
Ventus nodded solemnly. "Yeah?"
"Yeah," Vanitas hummed. "I can't go home and rest, though. I don't have that anymore."
Ventus took a deep breath. "I know it's not what you wanted, that I was selfish," He swallowed. "And if you're angry, you shouldn't... Let them do whatever they want to you in Hollow Bastion. You can take it on me instead of punishing yourself."
They got quiet for a while after that. There wasn't judgement on Vanitas' eye when Ventus finally looked up to him. And this time Ventus didn't count the seconds, he simply let the sentiment lurk on the air around them until it broke or dispersed.
"I thought you hated me," Vanitas said, sun fully risen on the sky.
Ventus blinked a few times. They were finally going there, weren't they... He thought this conversation would scare him, but his heartbeat was quiet. His mind was clear for the first time in ages.
"I thought I did," He answered honestly. "Twelve years ago, I thought I should."
"I used to," Vanitas said then scoffed. "Because of him, but I hated you either way. You healed too quick after me... Being forced out of you. Guess I should thank Sora for that, and for my face before, also." He shook his head a bit. "It never really went away. The anger. Always comes first."
Ventus looked up again. "I didn't heal, I was just fixed," His eyes met molten gold. Shining gold. "I'm healing now, though. It's sorrow that comes first for me." He giggled. "Do you still think living is pointless?"
Vanitas' lips twitched, eye shining with recognition. "You're healing now. Why?"
Aw, shit. Ventus snickered. He really wanted Vanitas to answer that. "Guess seeing people live their lives unaware of things we are... It's comforting, in a way. We fought against each other to keep them safe and they don't even know."
"You think if Darkness prevailed they'd be safe?"
"I'm optimistic,"
Vanitas chuckled. "I don't..."
He turned his eyes back to the bright green around them, then to their joined hands. He was smiling.
"I don't think that anymore, no."
Ventus felt as if Thunder had struck near him. "Do you still hate me? I gave you enough reason to."
"I hate that I don't have a home anymore, that you were the one that took it away from me." Vanitas answered quietly. "That whatever Light you gave me gives me enough clarity to process this," He moved their joined hands. "And not hate you for it."
Ventus blinked, opened his mouth, closed it. He really wanted to say the quiet part loudly. As loud as he could. But he just shrugged it off and scowled.
"You should, though. I was wrong," Ventus muttered.
"Ventus,"
"I can— I'll be fine... If you do. If you hate me. I understand,"
"Ventus."
"It is fine, actually," Ventus closed his eyes shut. "Just stop hurting yourself, please."
Silence. Movement. He was laid over the grass, but not pushed away. Had been laid over it, then a hand ruffled his hair. Ventus breathed in. Tried to, that is. It got stuck somewhere between an inhale and a sob. The rays of light around Vanitas when he opened his eyes were a little too bright.
"I'm mad at you, but I don't hate you," Vanitas said, serious. "I could hate you, Ventus, but this." He pointed between them a few times, fast. "Is the only thing I have left that is mine. Not Theirs, not really. You're a cowardly, selfish brat, but you did this out of— You didn't want me gone. I get that."
Ventus stared at him for a few seconds, quiet wonder on his eyes, infested inside of him.
"I don't..." Oh, he should stop speaking. Now. Right now. "Think you do."
Vanitas tilted his head a little. "And there we go."
"I really don't think you get why I did this," He kept saying, eyes wide with awe. He smiled, a bit baffled. "I really don't."
"Then explain," Vanitas said slowly. "Go ahead."
"I don't... Chirithy is a guardian," He found himself saying — admitting — before he could stop. "That became a friend. Like Aqua and Terra. You, though... You weren't. They weren't. You were mine, a part of me. And They made you what you are right now, outside of me. You—" Ventus swallowed when Vanitas' eye lowered from his. "Were my first friend. Outside family and obligations. The first person I had. The first one I lo— Friend. First friend."
The silence was very telling. Ventus breathed in, shrugged off his insecurity and chuckled, humorless.
"I didn't want to lose this. Everything about this."
It felt liberating, finally saying it. Not the right words, but the right sentiment. The right time, the right feelings. It was quite cathartic, in a way, though it almost spilled too much. Almost got tainted. He was used to filtered feelings, and he got better at it too.
"That how you see me?" Vanitas quietly asked. "As a friend? You'd fight your friends like you did me? Deny them the only thing they know?"
Ventus blinked. Closed his eyes, so the tears would stop forming and drying inside his eyes.
"You left me, Ventus." Vanitas said, quieter, almost a whisper. "In the name of something you don't even understand. Light blinds because of this."
"This,"
"Denying your own feelings because you don't understand them," Vanitas raised an eyebrow. "Because you want to regulate them, not actually feel them. I was the part of you that felt the most, and I couldn't hide it, you could. You had ways to. You had your own space, your own mind. I don't. Never had, really, not inside you, not outside." He stared, hard. "I was you, then I was a part of Darkness, which I still am. Now I'm this, and I don't know what this is, but I know you wanted this. Because you're still hiding the things you feel. So, yes, this. All of this, whatever feelings you had when you thought it was a good idea to create a Heart on your own, you were scared enough it blinded you. And if you weren't scared, then you were—"
"Hurt," Ventus cut. "Hurt. I was hurt. I was angry, confused. You tell me things but you don't explain them, and then everyone else just cradled me instead of actually talking to me. I hated this because it hurt. Sure, I'm a coward. And curiosity and selfishness are going to kill me someday, but you... And Darkness, were the only thing I actually had a choice over." He swallowed and smiled, pained. "But I overstepped, and it was wrong."
Vanitas blinked. Looked away. Looked down at their joined hands, then back at Ventus' eyes. His right hand pulled Ventus near, by the hair. Didn't hurt him at all. It was the first time since Ventus was six that Vanitas didn't hurt him. Not before, not yet. A whole night of just hand-holding and actual talks.
"You're you," Ventus whispered, then. "And you can be whatever you want. I like you, not what you are." He looked at the ChiBlade pendant. "I wanted us to exist at the same time, inward and out. I don't... Didn't. Didn't like that if we joined back, I wouldn't see your eyes."
"My eyes," Vanitas echoed faintly, voice barely above a whisper.
"It's not every day we get to see gold and red," Ventus shrunk his shoulders. "I don't know. It made me sad and guilty. Sad for me and guilty for you."
"You'd live."
"Yeah, I would've," Ventus didn't want to meet Vanitas' eye, not yet. "Wouldn't be the same without this. You. And Them, I wouldn't understand Them. I'm still you— theirs. Their vessel."
He slowly brought his eyes up. To a gold one. Vanitas looked torn between wanting to run and wanting to squeeze Ventus to death.
"Still Theirs," He murmured. Ventus nodded. "But it's a correction. What were you going to say?"
Ventus blinked a few times. Swallowed, lips parted. He wanted to laugh — that was a first. That Vanitas cared for a correction, it was the first time he ever brought up something like that. He never cared for it.
"Uhm," Ventus said, intelligently. "That I was... Uh."
Sunrise on molten gold made Ventus finally fold.
"Yours," He said. And immediately looked away, giggling nervously. "You did used to call me brother, right? So, technically. Yeah. Their Vessel and your... Brother?"
Vanitas moved an inch closer. "Right,"
Ventus breathed in.
Out.
In.
Vanitas snickered.
Oh, thank the Gods! He sighed.
"That how you're coping with what you did the moment I got over you?"
Ventus grimaced. "Words," He waved his free hand. "And I'm sorry for that, I was... Happy you were there, still."
"What a way to express your feelings," Vanitas said flatly. "Acting on them is great and all, but."
"But?"
"I was angry, Ventus," Vanitas sighed. "I don't know what you did there, it just made me angrier."
Ventus scoffed. "Right." He stared at a cloud. "You didn't look very angry."
Vanitas narrowed his eye. Got up, let go of Ventus' hand. Shit. But then he just took his eyepatch, leaned on Ventus and put it on him instead. Tilted his head a little, eyes narrowing, then he shrugged and laid down.
"You looked happy," He murmured and Ventus nodded. "And I did say you should understand your feelings rather than categorizing them," He joined their hands again. "That doesn't mean acting on them like that, stupid."
Ventus snickered. "Yeah, okay. Right, I'm sorry!"
"You're not," Vanitas mumbled. "You're never really sorry about the things you do to me."
Oh. Wow.
Wow.
Ventus took a deep breath. "You're so wrong," He giggled, swallowed. "You're so wrong about it, you have no idea. None. None at all!" Ventus moved, free hand now on Vanitas' cheek, fingers lightly stroking skin. "I'm just not sorry you exist. I'm genuinely sorry for what I do to you, even if I don't stop myself, even when I know I'm hurting you. But if I say I'm sorry I took you out, that I wanted you to exist out of me? I'm not. I'm not sorry at all about it."
Vanitas hummed, closed his eyes. He didn't look angry, lips twitching as if he was fighting a smile. "Egoist brat."
"Curse me all you want," Ventus shrugged. "I wanted you to have a life of your own. Is living actually so bad for you?"
Vanitas smiled, soft, calm. "I shouldn't exist, Ventus."
"But you do," Ventus countered. "And I lo— like that you do. Really do. You piss me off most times, and I'm sure I piss you off more than you do me, but I like that you exist outside me. That you exist, in general. I'm glad," He paused when Vanitas' smile grew. "And stop smiling at me like that."
"You like me," Vanitas snapped his eyes open.
Huh. Huh?!
"Well, yeah? I said that bef—"
"You genuinely like me," Vanitas grinned. "Stars," He giggled, eyes small, smile finally reaching them. "You're actually insane. I wanted you dead, wanted to kill you, wanted you to kill me, and you. Like. Me."
Ventus frowned. "Why you say it as if it's—"
"No," Vanitas chuckled. "No, you don't just like me. Which is worse. Ventus, you're a lunatic. Gone, completely gone." He sit up, moved to Ventus' lap. "You saw a tiny piece of how I was without you and decided ''yep, I need this one''! You don't!"
He patted Ventus' cheeks. "You don't just like me. That's worse. That's how you get to be more than just a vessel for Them, since I'm a part of Darkness, also! Ventus," He leaned in. "You can love Darkness all you want, it'll never love you back."
Ventus giggled nervously. He didn't love it. Them. Not them. He— oh. Oh, shit. He was smiling, beaming, even. He felt his heart on his throat, on his fingers, loudly against his ears, everywhere inside of him. It was warm, warmer than the sun on his skin. And he was laughing, because of course Vanitas would discourage him for this specific feeling. Because it was the most impulsive one, because it was what got Ventus to do everything he did these months, aside of his desperate want to understand himself, his memories. To die. To have something of his, unfiltered, to be devoted to something he wanted to and not that was forced upon him.
"I don't," Ventus agreed, sitting up and holding Vanitas' face on his hands. "Not Them."
Vanitas tilted his head — exactly how his Unversed did — and smiled so brightly at him Ventus was thankful for the eyepatch. He wished he could paint this, picture it for the rest of his life. If he ever got to live that long, that is. He was a Vessel after all.
"Narcissistic lunatic,"
"You're not me anymore," Ventus shrugged.
They joined foreheads.
"I quit," Vanitas said, giggling. "I quit being your babysitter."
"Tell Them that, then," Ventus chuckled lightly. "They can understand feelings now, right? Tell Them you're not my babysitter, you're more than that."
"I am?"
"Mhm,"
Vanitas clicked his tongue, shook his head and got up. "Let's get you back to your Castle, you're going to lose more of your mind if we keep at it."
Ventus giggled and got up. "Thanks for the ring, by the way!"
And he ran off, because he needed to. Needed to spend the sudden wave of warmth and energy that bubbled inside his Heart, mind and body. Because Vanitas hadn't denied him of it, of any of it. They didn't talked it through, and for this moment, maybe they didn't need to. He voiced his feelings in a way they were understood immediately, and Ventus was happy about it. He could explode now and he'd die a happy person.
***
The Castle wasn't as quiet as he thought it would be. Ventus needed to sleep, but whatever, he was too happy to find his sleep, and having everyone over only made him happier. Chirithy was radiant, shining with the same kind of happiness Ventus was — they were his guardian afterall. It wasn't surprising when they all began questioning where he had been and why he was wearing clothes and jewels they had never seen on him; a light fabric black blouse with embroided gold and red lines, black pants with hanging belts, boots with golden details and the earrings. It made Aqua raise her eyebrows and giggle in disbelief — she had bought him these the first month after the War and he had never used it.
And it wasn't just how well he was dressed, it was his disheveled state that made them question him. He had open a few buttons just to get some air in when he had been running around searching for the ring that was now on his left hand. Somehow one of the side belts on his pants had opened and his hair was messier than when he woke up in the middle of the night to a hard tug on in side bangs.
"Did he hurt you?" Chirithy asked, even though Ventus ran back home smiling ear to ear.
"Huh?" Lea and Aqua turned around to eye the Dream Eater.
"We're married!" Ventus showed his ring, beaming.
"Ventus!" Chirithy hissed but then laughed, a burst that they held back immediately after. "Don't say those things!"
Probably because they could sense just how strong Ventus' happiness was. Roxas snorted at the same time Naminé frowned and Xion giggled.
"Who are you talking about?" Aqua asked, arms crossed and a small smile on her face. "And where did you get the ring and the earrings?"
"At a wedding," Ventus shrugged, still smiling. "I helped around a little, since I don't have a Keyblade anymore, and people just started giving me stuff."
He fiddled wit the ring, giggling to himself. Chirithy giggled too.
"Oh, so that's where you've been going? To the villages?" Aqua smiled more, relieved. "That's great!"
"Give me a run for the munny, twin," Roxas grabbed his wrist. "Lea," He called and Lea came near them. "Is this an actual wedding ring?"
"Yep, it's even on the correct hand," Lea said easily and snorted. "You're actually married, holy... Stars! Hah!"
He had a maniac gleam on his eyes, and Ventus matched it with a lunatic smile of his own. "I am!"
"No, no!" Chirithy said slowly. "You're not! Darkness cannot be married!"
"Darkness?" Xion blinked once and stared at the ring with wide eyes. "You can marry magic?"
"No, you can't," Naminé said softly. "I don't think that's what Chirithy meant..."
"Oh, wow," Roxas blinked a few times, baffled. "You took my words way too serious, Ven,"
"Wait, wait," Aqua raised her hands. "Is that why Chirithy asked me to keep the wards down?"
"That," Ventus nodded, still looking at his ring. "And Isa! Isa is dark magic user too! The wards might make him a bit dizzy too."
Aqua groaned, hands running on her face. "Ven! You should have told me!"
He turned his lunatic smile towards her. Aqua's eyes found something there, something not hers. That was not her friend, not anymore. There was a brief pause between them, as Aqua assessed Ventus' frame. The ring, also. Then she sighed, shook her head.
"Okay," She said, then. "You're right about that, about Isa," Aqua turned around. "Let's get going to training."
Ventus knew very well Aqua did not wanted to go training, she wanted to ground him again. That was fine for him, if it happened later on. He got to actually communicate with Vanitas after what they had started in that white city, and got to be understood — though he was sure Vanitas had always understood what he meant, he was just... Hm.
Ventus giggled again as his friends summoned their Keyblades. He felt magic at the tip of his fingers, just how it would be when he summoned his own, back then. Not Wayward Wind, not Lost Memory. Just the ideia of... Something else entirely, same magic but a different tingling sensation on his Heart, a different call. Chirithy was a bubbly mess because of him, running around and actually participating with the others while Ventus and Naminé just sit, taking notes.
It made everyone lighter, moods brighter than when they got there. Naminé sit a bit closer, carefully so.
"How's Sora and Kairi?" He asked.
Naminé paused, blinked. Then she stared at him as if he had screamed a secret. Her eyes went wide and a bit teary, hands on her mouth.
Ventus blinked the tingling sensation on his chest away. "Sor—"
"Kairi's fine," Naminé said, soft and quiet. "She wakes up every now and then. Asks about what's happening. Riku's always there now, with me, so it's better now."
Ventus hummed, nodded, wrote on his book about the potions and the elixir Aqua and Chirithy presented, then turned around again, serious.
"And Sora...?"
Naminé fiddled with her sketchbook. "I don't— I don't know...? I can't... I don't know what you're talking about."
"Roxas," Ventus murmured. "I'm talking about Roxas and Riku dreaming with him, talking with him."
"That's—" Naminé tore a page and flinched. "That's not what that is, Ven... They're sensing something, but it's not entirely Sora."
"What... What do you mean it's not entirely Sora?"
"There's no light on what Roxas sees," Naminé whispered. "Riku might have a better chance than Roxas at that, but they're seeing different sides of Sora. Not him, complete."
Just like me, Ventus thought. He nodded again.
"What if we find him?" Ventus questioned quietly. "What will happen, then, if he's like m— if he's fractured?"
Naminé gave him a curious but cautious look. "He'll find his light again, we always do."
Ventus lips quivered, up, up, until he was beaming. That wasn't just for Sora, she meant it for Vanitas as well. Naminé had always been more reserved than the others, more than Xion, even, because of her different conditions. Xion was a clone, supposedly, but Naminé and Roxas weren't supposed to exist the way they did. Before, that is. Before Even and Sora himself. Maybe if Aqua and Chirithy were just a bit more open to Vanitas they'd talk more, Ventus was very sure Roxas would get his Half in a snap of fingers. It just made sense for them to. They weren't supposed to exist the way they did, but someone made them to and now they're there. It was Naminé's way to say she understood him more now.
And Ventus was glad they all did, on their own way.
They were all grieving, differently.
He got lost on his own mind, not for the first time, and became something entirely new. He knew more now, more than ever before, and there was just something in the quiet warmth of acceptance that tingled inside him and out on his skin that made whatever part of him that was Theirs calm.
That was himself, too. And he could look at the mirror now and not see just a half, but someone whole, borrowed Darkness and Pure Light. But whole, nonetheless. He hoped Vanitas could do the same, one day. Because he was sure they'd need it, now more than ever. They needed to find Sora, and if he was a Vessel of Darkness, he'd be needed on both sides of that coin. So he wanted to spend time with his friends as much as he could, now.
Because Ventus was sure he'd be grieving something else at the end of his journey.
Notes:
I'll tell you what, there's a Sora fic in the freezer waiting like meat to be cooked, I'm seasoning it finally (aka been writing it the last few days)
EchoingWave on Chapter 5 Thu 01 May 2025 02:27PM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 5 Thu 01 May 2025 05:06PM UTC
Comment Actions
EchoingWave on Chapter 7 Sat 03 May 2025 07:07PM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 7 Sat 03 May 2025 09:28PM UTC
Comment Actions
EchoingWave on Chapter 7 Sun 04 May 2025 12:26AM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 7 Sun 04 May 2025 05:41PM UTC
Comment Actions
EchoingWave on Chapter 8 Sun 04 May 2025 09:16PM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 8 Sun 04 May 2025 10:11PM UTC
Last Edited Sun 04 May 2025 10:12PM UTC
Comment Actions
EchoingWave on Chapter 15 Fri 16 May 2025 11:47PM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 15 Sat 17 May 2025 01:09AM UTC
Comment Actions
kriminalkase on Chapter 16 Tue 20 May 2025 06:53PM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 16 Tue 20 May 2025 11:18PM UTC
Comment Actions
kriminalkase on Chapter 19 Sat 24 May 2025 09:41PM UTC
Last Edited Sat 24 May 2025 09:42PM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 19 Sat 24 May 2025 10:42PM UTC
Comment Actions
kriminalkase on Chapter 21 Tue 27 May 2025 04:49PM UTC
Last Edited Tue 27 May 2025 04:56PM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 21 Tue 27 May 2025 05:48PM UTC
Comment Actions
B_Rabbit14 on Chapter 22 Fri 06 Jun 2025 08:54PM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 22 Fri 06 Jun 2025 09:35PM UTC
Comment Actions
B_Rabbit14 on Chapter 22 Sat 07 Jun 2025 12:37AM UTC
Comment Actions
EchoingWave on Chapter 24 Fri 13 Jun 2025 05:40AM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 24 Fri 13 Jun 2025 05:54AM UTC
Comment Actions
EchoingWave on Chapter 24 Fri 13 Jun 2025 06:23AM UTC
Comment Actions
EchoingWave on Chapter 25 Fri 13 Jun 2025 09:44PM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 25 Fri 13 Jun 2025 10:49PM UTC
Comment Actions
kriminalkase on Chapter 26 Fri 20 Jun 2025 09:56AM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 26 Fri 20 Jun 2025 03:49PM UTC
Comment Actions
TheRemTrash on Chapter 26 Sat 30 Aug 2025 01:43AM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 26 Sat 30 Aug 2025 03:17PM UTC
Comment Actions
EchoingWave on Chapter 29 Wed 25 Jun 2025 02:33AM UTC
Last Edited Wed 25 Jun 2025 02:33AM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 29 Wed 25 Jun 2025 03:24AM UTC
Comment Actions
EchoingWave on Chapter 29 Wed 25 Jun 2025 03:39PM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 29 Wed 25 Jun 2025 03:59PM UTC
Comment Actions
EchoingWave on Chapter 29 Wed 25 Jun 2025 04:42PM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 29 Wed 25 Jun 2025 05:06PM UTC
Comment Actions
B_Rabbit14 on Chapter 29 Wed 25 Jun 2025 11:20AM UTC
Last Edited Wed 25 Jun 2025 11:21AM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 29 Wed 25 Jun 2025 01:26PM UTC
Comment Actions
Replicora on Chapter 29 Wed 02 Jul 2025 07:39PM UTC
Comment Actions
GAIAisIN on Chapter 29 Wed 02 Jul 2025 09:55PM UTC
Comment Actions